#i feel like piggy 2020 again but different | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kekoma · 4 years ago

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— iwaizumi as your boyfriend.

no thoughts this time. just hajime. hope you enjoy.

ahh the lovely iwaizumi <3 aka iwa-chan~

another top tier boyfriend. can definitely bring him home to your family and they’ll love him automatically.

but before diving into what it’s like dating hajime, let’s warm up a bit and take a look at his crush stage with you.

actually takes him awhile to even realize he likes you more than a friend.

only picked up this feeling when he noticed that he finds himself extremely comfortable around you and that he didn’t like the concept of you dating someone if it wasn’t going to be him.

isn’t quick to act on his emotions though. no no no. matter of fact, no one even knows he has a crush on you (except for oikawa of course.)

hajime doesn’t show any signs of getting nervous when around you, attempting to distance himself from you because of fear he might slip or any of those antics. definitely isn’t the type of guy who spills to everyone that he likes you too. likes to keep to certain things to himself and you’re one of them.

just acts completely normal around you for the most part.

although he does end up studying you more than before and constantly thinking about how you might feel towards him.

but this won’t catch your attention since the subtle change doesn’t catch your attention automatically.

iwa does go out of his way to spend more time with you when he decides that he actually wants to be with you.

“hey y/n, a new cafe opened up a few blocks from school. i was thinking we should go there together for lunch.”

“oh? sure but i thought you had something to do during lunch?”

“i did but i rearranged it for later since i wanted to eat with you today.”

of course he asked oikawa for some type of advice/help when it came to asking you since iwa didn’t want to come off as boring or cheesy when asking you out.

may or may not have wrecked his brains with different ideas about how to go about it which is why he went to his best friend for help.

“i can’t think of proper way to confess to y/n... hey dumbass, if you really liked someone, how would you ask them out?”

“first of all, rude. can’t believe that’s how you treat a good friend like me. anyways it’s simple my dear friend. i would go up to them during lunch, flash a charming smile, and just ask them to be mine. it’s cute, right?”

“... so let me ask you this since you decided to be funny. should i beat your ass now or later?”

“hey! you asked and i gave you an honest answer!”

“ah so now? gotcha shittykawa.”

iwaizumi ends up asking you during one your countless late night runs for snacks.

wasn’t anything super romantic yet it wasn’t completely boring/awkward either.

iwa went for a straight forward approach (not like ushijima straightforward).

basically explained how he’s been feeling towards you lately and that he wants you to be his. of course when you accepted is confession and expressed how you felt the same— hajime couldn’t stop smiling like a fool.

side fact: he thought about going for a somewhat flirty approach at first by saying how cute you looked in his hoodie and if you really liked wearing his clothes then he wouldn’t mind supplying you with more without hounding you to return them after awhile.

however, iwa thought it sounded odd so he ended up confessing to you in a normal manner to avoid any kind of embarrassment.

now we can dig into the main course meal here: what’s its like dating hajime.

three words that come to mind with him... dependable, caring, and attentive.

starting with attentive, he doesn’t miss a beat if something is wrong with you.

due to constantly studying you previously (and still to this day), learning and picking up the habits you have— he’s able to figure out when things aren’t right with you so hiding your feelings isn’t an option for you love.

although if you attempt to hide them then don’t be surprised when he pulls you aside and confronts you about it. of course, it won’t be anything harsh like but more on the “hey you’re acting strange and this isn’t something i’m going to drop.” side of things.

this is when caring comes into play. iwaizumi isn’t the type of boyfriend that’s oblivious towards your emotions/moods nor does he leave you be.

will also add that he has made it known countless times to you that if anything bothers you then he wants to know in hopes that he can solve the issues.

but if you’re someone who isn’t up to talk about the issues just yet then he’ll be understandable— won’t push too far but will give you a prep talk in hopes that can it lighten your mood. which i will label that as dependable playing it’s role.

to add more for dependable, i’ll mention that he’s the type of boyfriend that will wake up in the middle of the night, early in the morning or whatever time if you called him about going through any type of mental issues (having a break down, panic attack, etc.). he’ll rush over the minute he heard your voice and of course he ends up bringing items that could comfort you.

we stan and love that about him.

moving along, i’ve already mentioned that hajime remembers things about you but it’s not just emotional wise. matter of fact he knows what your favorite foods are, drinks, kind of aesthetic/style you go for, places you want to visit, hobbies, and all of the good stuff.

if he were to ever be tested about how good he knows you, mans is getting an 100. can’t convince me otherwise.

the type of boyfriend who’s supportive of everything and anything you do. makes it known that he’s your number one fan and believes in you.

won’t let you overwork yourself. hajime constantly makes sure your health is in good condition, but it you happen to get sick then best believe he’s showing up to your place with medicine and bringing you back to normal.

iwa purposely leaves his hoodies and shirts at your place since he knows you’ll end up wearing them and when you return them, they smell like you. he likes your scent.

he typically likes to gift you things he saw in the stores that reminded him of you as well as giving you flowers. sometimes you have to ask him to relax on the gifts because your room can’t handle it all.

hands down, DEADASS can’t convince me he DOESN’T, is the type of boyfriend who will throw hands at anyone who flirts with you or attempts to touch you.

like he would come back from getting something, visiting you at work or however you want to picture the scenarios and would see some lame guy trying to spit game at you.

the minute he notices him, iwaizumi is coming in to save the day. tries not to take the violence approach at first, but the minute that other dude says something disrespectful then his whole career is over.

hajime beats ass for a living so beating that man up was no problem, but getting him off of the dude is because the only thing on iwa’s mind is murder.

may even stomp his lights out and then go with a smirk.

anywaysss pda? pda.

iwaizumi is surprisingly comfortable but also a tad bit awkward with it. tries to avoid it sometimes because he doesn’t want others to notice just how soft he is with you/be made fun of.

but in public, the most iwa will do is the basic (with your permission of course because this man refuses to do anything if he doesn’t hear that you’re okay with what he does with you). such as holding hands, gives small kisses on your face that isn’t deemed too inappropriate, holding you in his arms/hugging, and all that good cutesy stuff.

two things he likes with you is piggy back rides and when you ruffle his hair.

with piggy back ride, for some reason it makes him feel all warm inside and he does it instantly the minute the words slip from your lips. sometimes he’ll offer one if you don’t ask him first. other times, he’ll offer them to you if he notices you’re too tired or your heels are hurting your feet.

when it comes to ruffling his hair.. he may act like it bothers him to the MAX sometimes but deep down this man loves it. just doesn’t want to admit to it just yet. the feeling of your hands in his hair is like floating on cloud nine for him.

as for private; of course cuddling is on this list. dude loves feeling you close to him and may even fall asleep while cuddling. don’t think positions really matter (unless notices that you’re trying to big spoon him).

definitely more touchy with you, but of course consent is key so he never goes too far with his touches/stops when you ask him to.

going to dates now~

dates with iwa is a mix of sporty and chill. will also add that sometimes it’s random.

like he’ll pick you up from class and suddenly say “let’s go on a date.” while you’re standing there a bit confused.

although if you aren’t someone who’s into sporty type of dates then he’ll always opted for the chill ones which is basically going to the arcades, laser tag, roller skating, paintball centers, go karting and etc.

shows more of his romantic side with the dates and you actually find out how soft he can really be. vv cute.

of course some of the dates won’t only be you two since oikawa tries his best to sneak himself in so he can be the third wheel that takes bomb ass pictures of you and just watch over you two like a parent.

“aren’t you tried of third wheeling oikawa?”

“oh no. never. besides without me, iwa here wouldn’t have any good pictures to post on his instagram... we both know he isn’t good at taking pictures.”

“i-... right right.”

gonna end it here before my brain overheats just a bit, but dating iwaizumi is worth it and each moment with him makings you fall in love with him all over again.

definitely gets the trophy for being the best boyfriend ever and you’re the luckiest person ever to have his heart.

something i forgot to add earlier— his top nicknames for you are; princess, dummy/idiot/stupid, babe/baby, and occasionally he’ll call you his munchkin <3

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twstarchives · 4 years ago

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Scary Dress・Voice Lines

● Event: Scary Monsters (October 14 - November 26, 2020) ● Exclusive Cards: Deuce, Kalim, Epel, Idia, Malleus, Lilia, Azul, Jack, Jade, Vil, Cater

Deuce Spade - R

Unlock Card “This school event is meant for everyone to have fun. I’m going to make sure this Halloween’s a success!”

Groovy “You’re not getting away from me... I’ll scare you till you're trembling to the bone!”

Home Setting “I’m a skeleton ghost that’s risen from the grave! BOO!”

Home Transitions “These are our special costumes, so make sure you’re careful with them. Grim, that means don’t claw on the lace.”

“When I was a kid, there were times when I used to start sobbing because I thought there was a monster outside. But it was actually just the laundry drying out there... Oi, stop laughing!”

“I got some treats from Epel. There’s a lot of them, so I thought I’d share with you. You know the secret code, right?”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Happy Halloween! You just can’t help but get excited around this time of year.”

Home Taps “I saw Draconia a while ago. Seeing him walk around in that serpentine dragon costume so valiantly made him look cooler than ever.”

“I got a text from my mom—she said she wants to see my costume. I don’t mind sending her one, but I don’t know how I feel about taking a selfie... Prefect, could you take one of me?”

“I’m used to seeing the ghosts on campus, so they’re not that scary. Our terrifying dorm leader Rosehearts, on the other hand...”

“Viper fixed the lace on my hat for me. I feel like the vice leaders in every dorm are really caring.”

“Hey, you! You want me to bury you!? S-Sorry. I was practicing my scares; I didn’t mean to say that to you, Prefect.”

Kalim Al-Asim - R

Unlock Card “Are you all ready to have some fun? Alright! Come on and follow my lead! One, two—Happy Halloween!”

Groovy “Grr... Pain shoots through my body whenever I look at the full moon. You better watch your back if you start to hear some howling.”

Home Setting “Growl! I’m a werewolf now.”

Home Transitions “Rook knows a lot about wildlife, and he told me all kinds of things about wolves. It was really useful.”

“I always carry around candies this time of year. This way anyone can tell me ‘Trick or treat’ anytime!”

“My magic carpet seems pretty excited for Halloween too. I’m competing with it to see who’s the scariest!”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “A party that everyone’s stoked about—that’s what Halloween is! Let’s have fun together! Growl! Growl!”

Home Taps Whine! Grrrrr! Bark! *cough!* “It’s hard trying to sound like a wolf...”

“I feel like it’d be so much more exciting if Cater, Lilia, and I dressed up for our band performances. Don’t you think so?”

“Jade said his costume is a mummy. If you wore clothes like that in the Scalding Sands, you’d get so hot that you might actually turn into one.”

“I like this costume; its design is really reminiscent of the Scalding Sands. Plus it’s easy to move in. It fits for dressing up as a werewolf.”

“Hm? You want to try scaring me? Spare me from any tricks, though. Ahaha!”

Epel Felmier - R

Unlock Card “Boo! Did I spook you? Hehe. I’ll come scare you again if you let down your guard.”

Groovy “Struggling against me is useless... I think. You won’t get away from me.”

Home Setting “Now, Halloween has begun!”

Home Transitions “Wah! Oh, crap!¹ I stepped all over my cloak. If Vil saw me, he’d get mad and say ‘It’s not proper to run around like that.’”

“I carved some of the pumpkins that are decorating the school. Mine have ghosts and our dorm’s emblem on them. Try to find them, okay?”

“Hey, have you seen the decorations on Main Street? They’re all so pretty, and really marvy².”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “I think this is the first time I’ve celebrated such a festive Halloween. In my town, the festivals feel a lot more scaled down.”

Home Taps “Halloween celebrations in my hometown are never this big, but I can promise you the food’s always delicious. I want you all to come see it someday.”

“Riddle got really passionate when we were talking about the treats for Halloween earlier. Sweets are just amazing, aren’t they?”

“I’m a first-year just like Deuce and Jack, but I wish I could scare as well as they do. But only practice makes perfect!”

“Tremble in fear! ...No. That’s not menacing enough... Ah! What if I put ketchup around my mouth?”

“Huh!? A treat? Sorry. I finished handing all mine out. But I’ll peel an apple for you later, so don’t give me a trick or anything... Okay?”

Idia Shroud - R

Unlock Card “E-E-Even I get excited for events sometimes... Is that bad!?”

Groovy “Anyone who sees what’s beneath my helmet won’t be leaving here unharmed... Hehehe!”

Home Setting “Wahaha! The Pumpkin Knight has arrived!”

Home Transitions “Every time Ortho tells me ‘Trick or treat,’ I give him some candy, but earlier he got mad and said ‘Let me have a trick too.’”

“You need to know your etiquette to have fun with events. That’s true no matter what world you’re in.”

“This time of year, they’re always having tons of huge events in gacha games. I’ve got an overwhelming lack of free time.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Weheehee~... Happy Halloween. Huh? Why are you making that face? Is it that weird to see me pumped up?”

Home Taps “Hiding my face under a helmet really lets me relax. The downside is it’s a little hard to breathe, though.”

“Wh-What are you dressing up as? Don’t tell me you’re just going to throw on something basic like a headband or a hat and call it a day?”

“They say lions are members of the cat family, but... Sir Leona is not soothing in the slightest. Hah~ I wanna nuzzle a cat...”

“You can say it. There’s no such thing as a nerd that hates Halloween!”

“Weheehee! I made this using a 3D printer, so it’s got really nice durability. ‘How much did it all cost’? Well, if you want to know, it was on sale.”

Malleus Draconia - SR

Unlock Card “Halloween is a festival observed by both the living and the dead, regardless of one’s race. You, too, should enjoy yourself as much as you can.”

Groovy “I’d make anyone tremble in fear with a single breath of fire. Watch me.”

Home Setting “I’m not dressed up as a dragon. It’s a serpentine dragon.”

Home Transitions “The students in our dorm seem very pleased with our costumes. They were all cheering with joy. This was well-worth the trouble.”

“Lilia knows a lot about many nations’ versions of Halloween. He told me stories about them instead of his usual lullabies. That was a long time ago, though.”

“I saw two pumpkin knights around campus. The smaller one was floating, so I’m assuming they were the Shroud brothers.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “I’ve experienced many Halloweens, but this year seems especially chaotic.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Trick or treat!... wasn’t it? If you don’t give me a treat, I’ll have to trick you. What will you do?”

Home Taps “The red serpentine dragons from the Far East, which our costumes were based on, could even play folk instruments. Hm... How very interesting.”

“I caught Asim practicing his wolf howls. He’s lacking on the impact, but it does have a charm to it. Heheh.”

“Halloween in the Valley of Thorns is especially grand. It’s a different take on it than other countries have, but you should come see it someday. It’s beautiful.”

“If you hear a strange noise, don’t automatically assume it’s the work of a ghost. Faeries love playing tricks all year round.”

“This tail? Mine is not an accessory; it’s real. As curious as you might be, don’t get too close. You’d be easily flicked aside if you got hit by it.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “I’ll set fire to anyone that harms your dorm, just like a serpentine dragon would. I’m fond of that place.”

Lilia Vanrouge - SR

Unlock Card “Halloween is my home ground ♪ I can’t wait to see the surprise on everyone’s faces.”

Groovy “Do not underestimate me. You might end up finding yourself trembling and unable to sleep all night long.”

Home Setting “Growl! How was that? Did I sound like a dragon?”

Home Transitions “On Halloween Night, the goblins who served the Fairy of Thorns would gather around a fire and dance all night long. You probably wouldn’t expect them to be party animals!”

“I remember the day I met a real-life serpentine dragon in the East like it was yesterday. Its crimson scales were truly a sight to behold.”

“I like eating most sweets, but marshmallows are the only ones I can’t do. It doesn’t feel like I’m eating anything; they aren’t satisfying.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Trick or treat... What? You’re already used to my tricks? Then I’ll have to bring out my trump card.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “If I were a real dragon, I could give you a ride on my back. But instead, why don’t I give you a piggy back ride?”

Home Taps “Hnn... The decorative horns on my cap are so heavy. Malleus really has these on his head at all times?”

“Aren’t my red nails cute? Vil painted them for me. He told me these were called gel nails—long-lasting nail polish.”

“Silver and Sebek used to be such crybabies. The mornings after Halloween, I’d have to spend the whole day doing laundry.”

“Have you seen Ace anywhere? He’s always eating Trey’s sweets like he really likes them, so I made some for him as well.”

“Oh, oh! It’s dangerous for someone of my stature to have a tail almost touching the ground. Try not to step on it either.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “Achoo! Sorry, sorry. This peacock feather tickled my nose.”

Azul Ashengrotto - SR

Unlock Card “The Mostro Lounge is currently offering a special Halloween menu. You must come and see!”

Groovy “Let’s have all the fun we want tonight. Now, let me hear you scream all the way up to the moon!”

Home Setting “How do I look? It’s very stylish with the way it revisits the old-fashioned sort of mummy, isn’t it?”

Home Transitions “If these were my own tentacles, I could move them freely at will, but that’s not true with these bandage wraps. I have to pay close attention to my movements.”

“Of course we have Halloween celebrations under the sea. Although, unlike on land, merpeople don’t exactly wear costumes.”

“I ran into Silver with this costume on, and he yelled ‘The enemy!’ before pulling out a baton. ...He must’ve been half-asleep.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Halloween only happens once a year. Let’s have the time of our lives together.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Did I hear you say ‘Trick or treat’ just now? Offering me of all people a deal is quite bold of you.”

Home Taps “I have an affinity for the costumes Jack and the other Savanaclaw students are wearing. They look like ghosts you’d find at sea, don’t they?”

“I referenced dishes that my family serves for the Lounge’s limited edition menu... Oh, my family runs a ristorante.”

“I’ll hold back on the treats, thank you. Accepting more and more of them will only increase my calorie intake for the day.”

“The reason we chose mummies for our costumes? I’m very unfamiliar with them, which made me all the more curious. After all, you can’t have anything dry under the sea.”

“What are you in such a rush for? I understand feeling excited, but you must be discreet when getting ready to scare someone.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “You must come see Halloween under the sea sometime! It’s just as fun as the academy’s.”

Jack Howl - SR

Unlock Card “Dressing up as pirates fits for Savanaclaw, since the guys here are all brutes. When you want something, you take it!”

Groovy “On Halloween, it’s ghost territory. Make sure you be careful when walking around at night. Grr...”

Home Setting “My scares aren’t just for show.”

Home Transitions “Scarabia dressed up as werewolf ghosts. They really nailed the ears and tails.”

“When we were making jack o’ lanterns, Ruggie kept eating the pumpkin seeds. Do those taste good...?”

“The pirate costume fits Leona really well. He’s lazy and vulgar—ahem! He comes off as strong and powerful.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Happy Halloween! It’s nice with all these decorations and festive energy. Wanna walk around together later?”

Home Transition (Groovy) “I was getting tired of all these sweets, so I got some jerky. Want any?”

Home Taps “Ace and the others swear that anything Trey bakes is to die for. I wonder how his pear compote would... N-No, nevermind.”

“I used to want to be a pirate when I was little. I remember making treasure chests by myself and filling them with coins and sparkling jewels. Those were the days.”

“Pirates have to aim their cannons and do a lot of heavy lifting while onboard. They’ve got to train hard.”

“I almost never wear rings, so I’m scared these might fly off at any moment. Plus it’s hard to move my fingers.”

“Oi! Stop prodding at my costume! What’re you going to do if one of the seashells breaks off?”

Home Tap (Groovy) “You haven’t put on your costume yet? The ghosts will come to kidnap you if you don’t hurry and change.”

Jade Leech - SSR

Unlock Card “I’ve been expecting you. Today I have a most wonderful scare prepared for you.”

“We’ve been working hard to ensure that everyone can spend a wonderful Halloween.”

Groovy “The sight of you screaming as you try to hurry away... It’s irresistible. I cannot hold myself back from chasing after you!”

Home Setting “Who would like to be tied up in fear?”

Home Transitions “You want to see me when I’m frightened? Heheh. I wouldn’t mind you scaring me anytime you’d like.”

“There is no such thing as using pumpkins as lanterns under the sea. I was very shocked learning about culture on land when I was a freshman.”

“Have you had a chance to try out the Mostro Lounge’s limited edition Halloween menu? I contributed a recipe to it.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Trick or treat! Heheh. There’s no need to look so frightened; I won’t bite.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Oh, my. Were you hoping to play a trick on me? I have a treat on hand, so please spare me today.”

Home Taps “I helped Ruggie with making jack o’ lanterns. They’re very quick, cheap, and beautiful. How fitting.”

“Dryness is fatal for merpeople. If we were dried up like a mummy... Just the thought is horrifying.”

“Floyd, don’t eat too many sweets. It’s different while we’re in the water, but here we have a high risk of tooth decay.”

“The draping wraps on our costumes resemble jellyfish tentacles. They’re pretty, aren’t they? I like their asymmetrical design.”

“You seem to have a wish to join the world of mummies. First, I will wrap your whole body in bandages, and then dry you out... I’m only joking.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “Halloween under the sea? If you’re interested, I will show you around one day.”

Duo Magic Jade: Azul, we cannot waste any more time. Azul: Let’s be efficient about this, Jade.

Vil Schoenheit - SSR

Unlock Card “Are you prepared to pledge yourself to me? It’s a great honor to be the sustenance of my beauty.”

“If I’m participating in this, then I’m going to aim for quality that transcends all previous Halloweens. Please keep up with me.”

Groovy “How unfortunate; there’s nowhere left for you to run. Yield yourself to me and become my slave.”

Home Setting “You will be a victim to my fangs.”

Home Transitions “Vampires, who possess eternal beauty... This is a perfect theme for me, isn’t it?”

“It would be difficult to check my appearance if I couldn’t see my reflection in the mirror. Perhaps I’d have to check with Rook between every class.”

“The other day, I was drinking tomato juice in the evening, and Epel screamed at me. How rude.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Trick or treat. Although, I don’t need any sweet treats. I’m sure you can guess what a vampire would want... Heheh.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Have you flipped your sleep schedule like a vampire’s because it’s Halloween? Make sure you don’t stay up too late.”

Home Taps “I don’t usually carry around treats with me, so last year I fell victim to Lilia’s tricks. That was honestly unpleasant.”

“You should carefully deliberate over your parasol and choose one that has strong protection from the sun. Don’t forget sunblock either.”

“Floyd’s skin is very beautiful. Makeup sits exceptionally well on moisturized skin, too. Always remember to moisturize.”

“My father is an actor, and for every Halloween he would come home in a costume with special effects makeup. I wonder if perfectionism runs in the family.”

“Even a single strand of hair out of place is something to pay mind to. Could you fix my hair for me?”

Home Tap (Groovy) “My cloak has enough cloth to wrap around a person. Should I hide you inside it if any scary ghosts come by?”

Duo Magic Vil: Let’s end this nonsense right here, Lilia. Lilia: Leave it to me to guard you from behind, Vil.

Cater Diamond - SSR

Unlock Card “I’ll fill you all the way to the bone... with fear, of course ♪”

“Aha! Are you surprised with how off things feel now? Let me show you Cay’s charm, now that I’m a touch different for Halloween~”

Groovy “You’re not thinking you’ll be able to get home safely now that you’ve dug me up, are you?”

Home Setting “Don’t you think my costume’s super aesthetic!?”

Home Transitions “The pumpkin pie Trey always makes this time of year... Mm, it’s not too sweet, and it’s sooo good~!”

“Did you see Lucius today!? He was wearing a super adorable pumpkin hat... I can’t believe Professor Trein~!”

“Sebek-kins really loves Malleus~ He’s got a reputation among the third-years for being the passionate Draconian.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Happy Halloween! How about we take a picture to commemorate?”

Home Transition (Groovy) “I have a feeling this year’s going to be the funnest Halloween we’ve ever had. You should be excited too, Prefect!”

Home Taps “I really like how our skeleton-looking laces are so elegant. Our dorm uniforms give off more cutesy vibes; it’s super different.”

“A black veil holds many mysteries... Heheh. You’re always free to lift it up anytime you want, Prefect! Just kidding.”

“Heartslabyul’s costumes last year? We were pirates! Wish you could see Cay as a pirate~?”

“The whole campus gets super festive and exciting around Halloween! And all the decorations are so photogenic.”

“Black makeup smudges easily, so you kind of need to have advanced skills to use it. Does it look okay right now? It’s not smudged?”

Home Tap (Groovy) “What are you dressing up as, Prefect? Come let me know when you have it ready. I wanna take a pic~”

Duo Magic Cater: “Jack, lend me some of your aesthetic support!” Jack: “This’ll be a breeze, Cater!”

#twisted wonderland #scary monsters #events

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invisibleicewands · 4 years ago

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Staged's Anna Lundberg and Georgia Tennant: 'Scenes with all four of us usually involved alcohol'

Not many primetime TV hits are filmed by the show’s stars inside their own homes. However, 2020 wasn’t your average year. During the pandemic, productions were shut down and workarounds had to be found – otherwise the terrestrial schedules would have begun to look worryingly empty. Staged was the surprise comedy hit of the summer.

This playfully meta short-form sitcom, airing in snack-sized 15-minute episodes, found A-list actors Michael Sheen and David Tennant playing an exaggerated version of themselves, bickering and bantering as they tried to perfect a performance of Luigi Pirandello’s Six Characters in Search of an Author over Zoom.

Having bonded while co-starring in Good Omens, Amazon’s TV adaptation of Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s novel, Sheen, 51, and Tennant, 49, became best buddies in real life. In Staged, though, they’re comedically reframed as frenemies – warm, matey and collaborative, but with a cut-throat competitiveness lurking just below the surface. As they grew ever more hirsute and slobbish in lockdown, their virtual relationship became increasingly fraught.

It was soapily addictive and hilariously thespy, while giving a voyeuristic glimpse of their interior decor and domestic lives – with all the action viewed through their webcams.

Yet it was the supporting cast who lifted Staged to greatness,Their director Simon Evans, forced to dance around the pair’s fragile egos and piggy-in-the-middle of their feuds. Steely producer Jo, played by Nina Sosanya, forever breaking off from calls to bellow at her poor, put-upon PA. And especially the leading men’s long-suffering partners, both actors in real life, Georgia Tennant and Anna Lundberg.

Georgia Tennant comes from showbiz stock, as the child of Peter Davison and Sandra Dickinson. At 36 she is an experienced actor and producer, who made her TV debut in Peak Practice aged 15. She met David on Doctor Who 2008, when she played the Timelord’s cloned daughter Jenny. Meanwhile, the Swedish Lundberg, 26, is at the start of her career. She left drama school in New York two years ago and Staged is her first big on-screen role.

Married for nine years, the Tennants have five children and live in west London. The Lundberg-Sheens have been together two years, have a baby daughter, Lyra, and live outside Port Talbot in south Wales. On screen and in real life, the women have become firm friends and frequent scene-stealers.

Staged proved so successful that it’s now back for a second series. We set up a video call with Tennant and Lundberg to discuss lockdown life, wine consumption, home schooling (those two may be related) and the blurry line between fact and fiction…

Was doing Staged a big decision, because it’s so personal and set in your homes? Georgia Tennant: We’d always been a very private couple. Staged was everything we’d never normally say yes to. Suddenly, our entire house is on TV and so is a version of the relationship we’d always kept private. But that’s the way to do it, I guess. Go to the other extreme. Just rip off the Band-Aid.

Anna Lundberg: Michael decided pretty quickly that we weren’t going to move around the house at all. All you see is the fireplace in our kitchen.

GT: We have five children, so it was just about which room was available.

AL: But it’s not the real us. It’s not a documentary.

GT: Although some people think it is.

Which fictional parts of the show do people mistake for reality? GT: People think I’m really a novelist because “Georgia” writes a novel in Staged. They’ve asked where they can buy my book. I should probably just write one now because I’ve done the marketing already.

AL: People worry about our elderly neighbour, who gets hospitalised in the show. She doesn’t actually exist in real life but people have approached Michael in Tesco’s, asking if she’s OK.

Michael and David squabble about who’s billed first in Staged. Does that reflect real life? AL: With Good Omens, Michael’s name was first for the US market and David’s was first for the British market. So those scenes riffed on that.

Should we call you Georgia and Anna, or Anna and Georgia? GT: Either. We’re super-laidback about these things.

AL: Unlike certain people.

How well did you know each other before Staged? GT: We barely knew each other. We’ve now forged a friendship by working on the show together.

AL: We’d met once, for about 20 minutes. We were both pregnant at the time – we had babies a month apart – so that was pretty much all we talked about.

Did you tidy up before filming? AL: We just had to keep one corner relatively tidy.

GT: I’m quite a tidy person, but I didn’t want to be one of those annoying Instagram people with perfect lives. So strangely, I had to add a bit of mess… dot a few toys around in the background. I didn’t want to be one of those insufferable people – even though, inherently, I am one of those people.

Was there much photobombing by children or pets? AL: In the first series, Lyra was still at an age where we could put her in a baby bouncer. Now that’s not working at all. She’s just everywhere. Me and Michael don’t have many scenes together in series two, because one of us is usually Lyra-wrangling.

GT: Our children aren’t remotely interested. They’re so unimpressed by us. There’s one scene where Doris, our five-year-old, comes in to fetch her iPad. She doesn’t even bother to glance at what we’re doing.

How was lockdown for you both? AL: I feel bad saying it, but it was actually good for us. We were lucky enough to be in a big house with a garden. For the first time since we met, we were in one place. We could just focus on Lyra . To see her grow over six months was incredible. She helped us keep a steady routine, too.

GT: Ours was similar. We never spend huge chunks of time together, so it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. At least until David’s career goes to shit and he’s just sat at home. The flipside was the bleakness. Being in London, there were harrowing days when everything was silent but you’d just hear sirens going past, as a reminder that something awful was going on. So I veered between “This is wonderful” and “This is the worst thing that ever happened.”

And then there was home schooling… GT: Which was genuinely the worst thing that ever happened.

You’ve spent a lot of time on video calls, clearly. What are your top Zooming tips? GT: Raise your camera to eye level by balancing your laptop on a stack of books. And invest in a ring light.

AL: That’s why you look so much better. We just have our sad kitchen light overhead, which makes us look like one massive shiny forehead.

GT: Also, always have a good mug on the go [raises her cuppa to the camera and it’s a Michael Sheen mug]. Someone pranked David on the job he’s shooting at the moment by putting a Michael Sheen mug in his trailer. He brought it home and now I use it every morning. I’m magically drawn to drinking out of Michael.

There’s a running gag in series one about the copious empties in Michael’s recycling. Did you lean into lockdown boozing in real life? AL: Not really. We eased off when I was pregnant and after Lyra was born. We’d just have a glass of wine with dinner.

GT: Yes, definitely. I often reach for a glass of red in the show, which was basically just an excuse to continue drinking while we were filming: “I think my character would have wine and cake in this scene.” The time we started drinking would creep slightly earlier. “We’ve finished home schooling, it’s only 4pm, but hey…” We’ve scaled it back to just weekends now.

How did you go about creating your characters with the writer Simon Evans? AL: He based the dynamic between David and Michael on a podcast they did together. Our characters evolved as we went along.

GT: I was really kind and understanding in the first draft. I was like “I don’t want to play this, it’s no fun.” From the first few tweaks I made, Simon caught onto the vibe, took that and ran with it.

Did you struggle to keep a straight face at times? AL: Yes, especially the scenes with all four of us, when David and Michael start improvising.

GT: I was just drunk, so I have no recollection.

AL: Scenes with all four of us were normally filmed in the evening, because that’s when we could be child-free. Usually there was alcohol involved, which is a lot more fun.

GT: There’s a long scene in series two where we’re having a drink. During each take, we had to finish the glass. By the end, we were all properly gone. I was rewatching it yesterday and I was so pissed.

What else can you tell us about series two? GT: Everyone’s in limbo. Just as we think things are getting back to normal, we have to take three steps back again. Everyone’s dealing with that differently, shall we say.

AL: In series one, we were all in the same situation. By series two, we’re at different stages and in different emotional places.

GT: Hollywood comes calling, but things are never as simple as they seem.

There were some surprise big-name cameos in series one, with Samuel L Jackson and Dame Judi Dench suddenly Zooming in. Who can we expect this time around? AL: We can’t name names, but they’re very exciting.

GT: Because series one did so well, and there’s such goodwill towards the show, we’ve managed to get some extraordinary people involved. This show came from playing around just to pass the time in lockdown. It felt like a GCSE end-of-term project. So suddenly, when someone says: “Samuel L Jackson’s in”, it’s like: “What the fuck’s just happened?”

AL: It took things to the next level, which was a bit scary.

GT: It suddenly felt like: “Some people might actually watch this.”

How are David and Michael’s hair and beard situations this time? AL: We were in a toyshop the other day and Lyra walked up to these Harry Potter figurines, pointed at Hagrid and said: “Daddy!” So that explains where we’re at. After eight months of lockdown, it was quite full-on.

GT: David had a bob at one point. Turns out he’s got annoyingly excellent hair. Quite jealous. He’s also grown a slightly unpleasant moustache.

Is David still wearing his stinky hoodie? GT: I bought him that as a gift. It’s actually Paul Smith loungewear. In lockdown, he was living in it. It’s pretty classy, but he does manage to make it look quite shit.

#Michael Sheen #David Tennant #Staged #Staged 2 #Georgia Tennant #The tidy corner #we noticed it #Staged2 #SwedishFishAL

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breanne-says-boo · 4 years ago

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October 2020 NYCC - What We Do in The Shadows panel

We did learn a little bit more about the upcoming Season 3 in this panel! Things bolded are relevant to S3 (**potential spoilers ahead under the cut!**)

Video can be found here [ X ]

Kathryn VanArendonk (a critic for Vulture) was the moderator for the panel and was joined by Mark (Colin Robinson), Kayvan (Nandor), Harvey (Guillermo), Matt (Laszlo), Natasia (Nadja), as well as showwriter Stefani Robinson and producer/writer Paul Simms. Kathryn wrote this article about the show if you would like to read it.

Details below under the cut --->

Kathryn asked what each of their character would be doing in quarantine and how they would be handling COVID-19:

Kayvan: He immediately says there would be a strain between Nandor and Guillermo, especially with there being a lack of victims for him to eat. Nandor would make Guillermo order LOTS of delivery and eat the delivery workers.

Harvey: it would be very awkward in the house for Guillermo particularly after the events of the season 2 finale.

Paul: Guillermo would be the only one in the house to wear a mask because he’s really the only one who cares/pays attention. The vampires would be confused/irritated by it and ask him to take off his “stupid costume”

Natasia: The vamps would probably be like the people who wear the masks under their noses if they wear them at all. They might be sort of unsympathetic and say “Oh, here we go again” having lived through many pandemics. The vamps might take advantage of everyone being at home but Guillermo might be stressed having to worry which of their victims have COVID and touching the bodies to throw them out. Harvey adds on and imagines that maybe it’s revealed that one of the vampires in the house is responsible for a different pandemic like the Spanish Flu or something to that effect.

Mark: Colin is a no-masker (for the purpose of irritating others) and getting into arguments about his constitutional rights inside stores. He’d probably be pretty hungry since he mostly feeds at the office and his coworkers would have to work at home.

Matt: They’d probably have no idea because they don’t watch the news or pay attention to current events at all

Kathryn immediately then asks about the Nandermo relationship- she asks Harvey and Kayvan if their characters love each other and how that relationship is developing.

Harvey: he started playing Guillermo with this infatuation with Nandor and that there were “blurred lines” in how he sees Nandor. He then explains that it seems kind of curious to the audience why Guillermo would continue to serve Nandor and help the vamps they continue to treat him so badly, and in Harvey’s mind, Guillermo is just driven by love and driven by emotion. He’s just very human and wants to do the right thing. (Harvey then “steals” Kayvan’s question about if Nandor is in love with Guillermo and Kayvan goes into Nandor-mode and begins to chastise Guillermo for being rude. Nandor: “Do you see what I have to put up with?”)

Kayvan: Nandor needs Guillermo and is “wrestling with his feelings” towards Guillermo. It is “heading towards a dangerous” territory for him because he “can’t be falling again after all [his] marriages”...he’s excited to see what happens next, but things are pretty “rocky” for them as of where we left them off.

My thoughts: seems like this is indicating a role-reversal of sorts in season 3, with Guillermo falling out of his infatuation with Nandor and Nandor falling in love with Guillermo?

Kathryn asks Matt about what it’s like doing the “musical” epsiode for Laszlo since he has legitimate music experience (Matt sort of laughs about her use of “legit” in regards to his music).

Matt says its essentially demo song work. It’s good fun doing short ideas for pitching these 30 second songs in the space with ‘Tasia (Natasia)

Natasia: says it was a dream to do the songs with Matt and “plant seeds” in the work space because of Matt’s musical background. She mentions that Mark had an improv moment where Colin goes on stage to join Nadja and Laszlo and begin singing/rapping. Mark says that Colin begins jokingly doing it but then we see him get more into the song and enjoying it.

Paul says that if we like the prospective idea of Colin singing, we should be excited because Colin gets a singing/song moment in season 3. Paul then says something along the lines of that he’s happy they get to do these sort of bits and that all the casts members go along with it because “We are all dedicated to being silly...and stupid in a clever way.”

Kathryn then asks the whole group what kind of scenes do they look forward to doing for their characters and which scenes they like to watch their co-stars taken on

Harvey: likes doing action stuff and getting the change to play almost like these two different personalities in Guillermo- his quieter side and his badass side! He has a fun time with all his cast mates doing scenes and watching them. He has a hard time doing some scenes with Kayvan because he makes Harvey laugh and takes him out of character.

Kayvan: he likes doing scenes with Karvey because of the “tenderness.” He also like the house meeting scenes because they spin out into something outrageous or hilarious that happens after the fact.

Natasia: she likes doing Talking Heads scenes (when the scene is just of their characters speaking to the audience and to each other like in an interview) with Matt. She also likes doing the Fancy Room scenes, scenes with other women, and scenes with Shaun/Sean the neighbor. She likes scenes where Nandor is “saying thick stuff” because of the contrast of Nandor being this fearless warrior but also really stupid. She likes scenes where Matt has to do stuff really fast or has to run because it makes her laugh.

Matt: likes doing “loose” scenes where they can do anything that they want to do with a scene. He also likes doing the Talking Heads scenes with Natasia and watching the stuntmen do stuff he’s supposed to be doing. Apparently Kayvan let out somehow that Matt is afraid of heights. Kayvan: “Did I?...you’re getting better though...”

Mark: likes opportunities to play off of what the others say. He likes watching scenes where “Matt deal with Kayvan” because Laszlo can’t stand fools even though [Nandor] is one of the biggest fools (he says Laszlo but I think he meant Nandor with the mention of Kayvan). Scenes where they belittle Guillermo and scenes with Natasia are also fun.

Then Paul said he had a special guest who could also answer this question and in popped Nadja doll into the chat in her own separate video box. They were teasing her for being “on mute” and had her answer yes/no questions by nodding her head.

Kathryn asks Stefani about debates in the writer’s room regarding vampire biology and life. She asks Stefani about what’s fun about bringing in new creatures to the show and developing the lore about the vampires.

Stefani: it’s fun but it’s also hard in the writer’s room making decisions about these sort of things. The ability to pick and choose parts of the lore, but there can be contradictions they have to deal with. She wants the lore and the aspects of their nature to come together and be grounded so that it’s fun but isn’t too ridiculous. She considers how these elements/creatures can be “show-pieces” for the characters to interact with and how they contribute to the story and how they are funny.

Stefani then notes that Jermaine was very anti-leprechaun but Paul said he tried to reason with him. They try to decide among themselves what “fits” within their world and what doesn’t but there really isn’t a specific reason for what they go with.

Paul says there will be 3-4 new kinds of creatures in season 3. But no aliens, he notes.

Natasia asks if somehow Sesame Street/Muppets would exist within their world and could make a cameo (I’m guessing because of the Count connection?) Paul jokes and says “Stefani, I don’t know what you’re doing tomorrow...but if we can schedule another meeting we could spend 6 hours making this happen.” Natasia then says she would love to see Miss Piggy and Nadja have some great chats. Same with Kermit and Nandor. Matt says he thinks Guillermo should find R2D2 buried in the garden but none of their characters recognize it.

All of season 3 is currently written. Kathryn asks about anything else they can tease for us:

Paul says there is in fact a bit of dialogue (3/4 of a page) about Kermit the frog that Natasia “accidentally came upon” (I don’t know how serious he is about this).

The vampires will go on a roadtrip! They will be traveling someplace they don’t normally go to, and the issue of having to bring soil from their homeland will be brought up

There is a birthday! It’s a big important birthday...for Colin! (maybe Colin’s song moment is him singing Happy Birthday?)

Nandor is looking for love and decides that it is time for him to find a partner

Some characters will be coming back, including Shaun/Sean the neighbor who will appear in two episodes

#wwdits fx #What We Do in the Shadows #what we do in the shadows fx #nycc #wwdits tv #wwdits

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artificialqueens · 3 years ago

Text

Gimme Love, 8/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Oof! After this part, we have one more chapter. Things start to look a little bit better for Brie in this part of the story. Not completely, but she's getting there. Enjoy!

TW for this chapter: mental health mentions

2020

A week later, still no change on the Ed Sheeran thing. Launch day was just around the corner, and my nerves were wrecked. And Jujubee still hadn't spoken a word to me.

It was only morning time, and I hadn't even been awake for 5 minutes. Already so many things were playing in my mind.

I still hadn't reinstalled Messenger. So I had no idea whether Blair had replied or not. I really wanted to just forget about her already, but it was slow. I probably should have applied for counselling sessions with HR. I hired a lady a few years prior named Dela, and apparently, she was brilliant.

But therapy could wait until after the launch.

I had seen Jujubee at work a few more times, either making eye contact and looking away just as quick or trying to say hello at least. She'd just brush by.

I tried texting her but never received a reply. As much as she had pissed me off, I missed her. A lot.

"Hey, this is Jujubee. Leave a message."

Beep.

"Hey, Juju, it's me." I paused, struggling to figure out where to go from there, "Look, I...I know things are bad between you and me. But I...I don't want to lose you."

I couldn't think of what else to say.

'Please, talk to me?'

'You mean a lot to me.'

My silence was going on too long. "I...hope to see you at the prelaunch party...OK. Bye"

I hung up, burying my face in my pillow, feeling very pathetic. And because I was impatient, I thought to try reinstalling Messenger and try there.

Or was that too much? And did I really want to risk seeing a reply from a certain someone?

...Fuck it, I was doing it. I'd just ignore her. Yeah, I'd do that.

Blair: Wow. I didn't think…

I never clicked a message quicker. I sat up with my back against the headboard, eyes already reading the message.

Blair: Wow. I didn't think you'd actually reply! For sure, girl, we need to hang out! I'm in New York for two weeks anyway. Perfect timing, right? Give me a call as soon as you get this. TTYL.

"Oh my God." I let the phone slip into my lap. How was this real? How the fuck hadn't she found that message creepy? Were things starting to look up? I couldn't just leave her on read. It was sent last week, meaning she was still in New York.

Good. This was good.

But still, why didn't she address the confession to my feelings? Why was she avoiding the subject?

Sorry, you have to hear my innermost thoughts, all these questions. It just goes to show the whirlwind my head was experiencing.

Make a move, Brie.

My thumb hovered over the phone icon in the upper right corner. Do I just...do it?

Yes.

I clicked the button. It rang for a few seconds, the nerves telling me to just give up.

"Hello?"

Why the fuck do the people on the other end always say 'hello' like they didn't see who is calling them?

Why was I even thinking that?? Focus, Brie.

"Hi," I said.

"Wow, I didn't think you'd call." She sounded surprised.

"I'm sorry I keep doing this," I said too quickly. "Anyway, yes. Let's hang out."

There was a moment of silence, and I realised how panicked I sounded.

"Brianna, are you OK?" I heard the concern.

"What? Yeah! Of course, I am." I cleared my throat, "Just a bit...stressed out. Trying to...deal with this launch thingie and...deal with Ed Sheeran, I don't know," I laughed nervously before almost slapping some sense into myself, "I'm not majorly stressed out, though. I can still hang out."

She laughed. And fuck I realised just how much I missed it.

"You always made me laugh. You wanna grab a coffee?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Great! When are you free? I would say today, but I'm stuck with this thingie…" She replied.

And a thought hit me. "Actually... there's gonna be a party for my thing. It's for that project I told you about...back on Prom night, I don't know if you remember."

"Of course I do, Brie. I've been following all the media coverage. It's pretty awesome."

"You have been?" I sounded a little too excited and then reminded myself to not sound too desperate, "I mean, that's pretty cool. But yeah, there's a party the night before the launch. I could add you to the list."

"Yeah, of course! I'd love to come."

"Fantastic. I'll send you the details."

"Well, I'll leave you to it then."

"Thanks."

"I can't wait."

"Me too."

"Bye, Brianna."

"Bye, Blair."

She did the awkward half-spoken "bye, bye, bye," and hung up.

I threw my phone down onto my duvet and puffed out a breath of air.

"Yes!" I punched the air, "Yes. Fucking yes."

Shit was definitely looking up.

I found myself loading up my emails. "Dear Ed Sheeran, I appreciate your enthusiasm about participating in our project. However, after some thinking, we would love for you to perform at the event instead. This is strictly for your safety and the safety of everyone else. Sorry for the inconvenience. Kindest regards, Brianna Caldwell and team."

Sent. Easier than I thought.

No matter what the reply would be, I felt strong. Two problems down in less than ten minutes.

All that was left was Jujubee and Mom.

Fuck...the Mom problem.

It wasn't that I didn't love her. I adored the woman with all my heart. But I was still afraid of that recurring conversation, the memories of how I was a problem child. And if it wasn't that, it was my Grandpa.

Funny how those were always the recurring topics, things I didn't want to address. And now, on top of things, we were going to have to talk about Piggie's health.

I sent her money for his medical bills, so maybe things were different for him.

But still, the other topics of conversation I just wish we could avoid…If only there was something else to talk about...

Wait.

I stared at my phone and instantly became very still.

There was one subject that had gone unaddressed for so long - too long. Oh, God.

Half an hour later, I was in the kitchen, shaky hands pouring a cup of coffee. I couldn't call Mom immediately. I needed to will myself, build up my willpower.

After two cups, I found Mom's name in my phone book, hesitated to hit call but forced myself.

I breathed deeply, taking a seat at the breakfast counter and put the phone to my ear.

Ring...Ring...Ring...Ring…

She answered but was silent.

"Mom?" I spoke.

"Hey, honey." She sounded deflated.

"Did you get the money?" That was all I could think of to start with.

"Yeah. It's actually really helped. He's already showing improvement." She paused. "Thanks, baby."

It was painful how thankful she sounded, yet so miserable.

"Mom, I'm gonna come see you," I confirmed.

"Really?"

"Yeah." I smiled upon hearing how she lightened up. "I'm sorry about last week. My phone just...cut off, I guess."

I heard a sniff before she spoke again, "It's OK. When are you coming around?"

"Well, I got the launch this week, so maybe not now. How about 2 weeks?"

"Yeah, that's perfect. I have a job interview to prepare for anyway. I applied to this new boutique that opened in town. My interview is next week."

"That's great!" I was actually excited for her. Things weren't just looking up for me, it seemed. "I'm really happy for you."

"Yeah, me too. I'm not even nervous. Just ready to start working again. Anyway, how about you?"

"Actually, Mom…" I paused, squeezing my hand into a tight fist.

"What's wrong, Brianna?" She lowered her tone.

How did she know? I didn't even sound sad. Mothers intuition? Because I always thought that was bullshit. Like, if I was a Mom, I'd be the worst in picking up on things.

"You there?" Mom asked.

"Yeah, I just…" I licked my lips and swallowed. "Mom. Why was I adopted?" I sighed. "Why did they give me up, Mom?"

She was silent for a moment. I could practically feel how she turned cold. "It's time, isn't it?"

I nodded, not that she would see, "Yeah. I...I need to know."

"OK...How about we talk about that when you come here?" She asked.

"No. I...wanna know. I need to know." My voice cracked. "Or I won't be able to move on."

She's silent again…just for a moment. And I felt like I crossed a line.

But she spoke. I hadn't crossed any line.

"OK...Brianna? I just want you to know that I love you, and I always will. No matter what, I'll never stop loving you." Her own voice was cracking now. "When you came into my life, I never realised I could be so happy, how I felt when I met you. You were this...little light that brightened the dark...a reminder that life wasn't so bad. And I promised I'd give you the best life. I'd be the best parent you'd ever have." She paused again. And I knew she was crying. "Brie, it wasn't that your parents didn't want you. I'm sure they knew that they would have been the luckiest parents in the world." She was crying. "Brie. They...they went for a drive one night. And it was raining really bad. And they…"

She was silent. But I nodded slowly, my eyes just staring at the counter, glassy with tears. "I-I understand."

"I'm sorry, baby." She whimpered. "I should have told you this years ago. I...I didn't know it would affect you for this long. I'm such an idiot."

I held my forehead in my hand. "No. No, Mom. You're not. You had no idea." I sniffed.

"I know. I know. But I just...I...How do you tell a child something like that?"

"Don't worry about that, you idiot. I know now." One of the tears finally slid down my cheek. "I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, Brianna."

I smiled, wiping the tear away. And then a quiet laugh escaped. "OK, I can't lie. I don't wanna leave you like this right now. Let's talk some shit or something."

She laughed in return. "God, you and your potty mouth."

#rpdr fanfiction #s10 #as5 #miz cracker #jujubee #blair st clair #blair x cracker #coming of age #hurt/comfort #lesbian au #high school au #angst #gimme love #grinder #tw mental health mentions

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randomsevans · 4 years ago

Text

a long , long time

Weekly challenge

@donutloverxo

@captain-rogers-beard

hasn't been read through so please ignore the mistakes please

this is sorta a continued of ROSE , but can be read by its self

How ?

How can you do this ? How are you going to keep going ? Why did he do this ? Why leave you ? Why leave his daughter ? why her , why is it always her ?

you dont know how your going to do this ,you dont know how your gonna cop being a single parent , you dont know how you are going to do it alone ,. More importantly how are you going to get over him ?

How are you ever going to get over Steve Rogers ?

one thing is for sure , you have to for the sake of your daughter . Even though you will never love another , because Steve no matter what will always be your first and only love and that why it hurts so much .But you need to at least be strong for your daughter , she just lost her father.

Time , time is all you need .

===================================

it was a random Sunday , at a random park where Steve sat , He knows that he has just when back to ever one , but he hasn't showed his face yet. He looked around the park as the tree rustle against the wind as the odd person or two passes by . At this moment he feels peace .He had lived a beautiful life , with the women he truly loves and he wouldn't change .A life with Peggy , a life in his time was everything Steve wanted and got .

But for him the last 8 years or so haven't been easy , with old age playing effect on him ,the snap and the death of his love he was mostly been by himself . leaving him more time to think about them , her , you , his daughter . wonder what it would be like if he stay , how you are , did you meet some one else ? the thought sickens steve your his wife ... wait was his wife and what about his daughter he doesn't want another man raiser her .But what thats what it like now he made his choice and no matter what life he picked , it would always be filled with what ifs / and questions , theory on how he life would of went .

He buried the memory of you and his daughter for so long , Peggy never knew he had a daughter or a wife . His other children never know that there have a sister who is the same age as their grandchildren . He never thought about you , not untill it came to the years where he knew some place in the world right now , you and his younger self where together , meeting , working , dating , married , a child all together . And now your by your self .

on the days like when he asked you to marry him , got married he thought about you all day , was so so temper to go and see you and him self , but it was to risky . he remember everything , every detail to your hair , dress , your shocked face when he got on his knee . the small tear that rolled down your cheek where saying your “i dos “ . He would sit there on those days buying a single rose and drawing you.

even on the day you were born you never left his mind , he find it quiet funny and sad on that day , thinking this is the day his wife was born , but also all the pain that was to come your way , that he couldnt do anyhing about

But htere were days like the 7th of January 2020 were he couldn't just sit there by himself with his thoughts . He made his way to a random hospital in Brooklyn . He sat outside on a bench for hours , people would pass by ask if was okay an odd nurse or too would come up and ask if he was a patience . unknowingly to them his daughter , his eldest , yet youngest chronologically was being born . He sat there for hours thinking and remembering , the first time he holded her , her first steps , the annoyed look on your face when her first word was “pa “ , he remember how happy he was , he swears he never smiled so wide so happy , spinning his daughter around promising her the world because she said dad first . He chucked at the memory . He left sortly after not getting a glance at you or his daughter since he could risk seeing his self .

that was roughly three years ago and on that day every year he would celebrate in one why . he would also send her a gift which he knows he should but he couldn't stop him self .

Now he sits here on this bench, knowing soon he will have to see everyone well at least Bruce and Bucky to tell them not his okay an nothing went wrong . He was so lost in his thoughts he didnt notice the little girl run passed and trip over a rock right in frount of him

the girl had pushed her hands ifrount of her to try and save her self and let out a little cry . Steve got up the fastest her could , he reach of her hand and helped her up , while looking around to see if there was anyone running after her , not yet anyway .

the little girl was now up on her feet , with small sniffles . Her hair was long and blonde covering her face in all different direction . Her little hands trying to push her hair out of her face . Steve kneeled down to help her .

“ are you ok....”

he stop , his old heart began to beat face , his eyes wide

“ Sarah ?”

the sight of his daughter broke him , he didnt realise how much he missed her , his first child , the one he promise to always be around .

“ hmm “ was the onlt thing that came out of her . she glanced up to meet steves eyes . Blue meet blue , the same blue

Hers widen , in shook , she looked like she was about to cry .

“ h ... how do yo. you know ..my ..n..name “ she coked on every word , taking her time .

Steve was silent he didn't know what to say , the fact that his daughter that he left behind was right infrount of him.

her mouth only widen as she brought her tiny hand up towards steve face and pointed at his teary eyes .

“ y.. you ... you stole my daddy's eyes “ her little face scrunched up angerly

he slighlt chuckled shaking his head “ n..no i didnt blue “

her hand quickly wet to her side at the name

“wh... onli daddy cowlds me t..hat “

“ i.. i know “ his tears now fully streaming downs his eyes .

“how?” she asked quickly

“be..because ..” he truly didnt know what to say

“ your my daddy ?”

he forget how smart she was , she may only be three but even Tony said shell grew up to be a genius and has the smartest around about an 8 year old the least time there checked

he nodded his head in relief , the little girl only seem to grow anger as she place her hand on his cheek .

“liar .. my daddy is young .... my daddy will hurt you .... my daddy is c.cap .. amwerica he .. does good ..and doesn't liek liars “ but then she paused for a moment her eyes grew red and her lip trembled “b...but his a li..liar ... he l...my daddy ..left me “

and with that she fell to the ground with aloud sob , and Steve went with her , both crying on the floor

“ h..”

“mm im sorry blue ...but i am your .. daddy ?” he knows he shouldn't but he couldn't help it his little girl right there crying over him , his heart is breaking and dying

“how could i ever leave her ? “but he did

“ho.. how ?” you looked up

he stay silent how do you tell you daughter you left her and her mother to grow old with some one else.

“ how do i know your .. not lying ?”he glared at him . the same expression she shares with you , he let out a small chuckled , his daughter asking all the right question , she she so much like you .

“ i call .. you blue be..because we both .. have blue eyes “ a small smile placed on his lips , at the memory of finding the perfect nickname of his daughter .

she just nodded in agreement staring him down . he smile shiftig on his bony knees .

“ yo.. your first word was pa ... your birthday is 7th of January , you cant go to sleep with out piggy .. yo..you favoit food is cookie .. double double chocolate chips that antie nat makes .... you love that silly little show that .. “

“the song “ she cut him off

“what ?” he titled his head

“ if you are really my daddy .. you know the song “ her eyes soften almost coming to terms that he is her father

he paused for a mintes , cold tears falling from his eyes , every memory , everytime he song her to sleep with the song , the song that was your and his first dance together as husband and wife

“it ... its” he could trust his own words , his voice he was so emotional he was sure hes old fragil body would give away .

“ its .. its been a . long .. long time “ he closer his eyes in a temper to clear his vision as he sung the melody

“never thought that you would be standing here so close to me ,

theres so much i feel that i should say

but words can wait untill some other day

kiss me once the kiss me twist

then kiss me one again

its been a long long time

haven't felt like this my dear

since cant remember when

you'll never know how many dreams

iv dreamed about you

or just how empty there seem with out you

so kiss me once then kiss me twist

then kiss me once again “

he paushed on ever word , every line , a thousand memory and emotions , him meaning every word as he looked into the yes of his daughter , that he had missed so much , the same blue eys he shared . The ones that have grown to accept that he is her father , her papa , her daddy .

with both teary eyes ,cold stinging cheeks against the hash wind on he ground of a random park , on a random Sunday , there finish the song together meaning very word , as father and daughter

“its been a long , long time “

#captain america #steve rogers #steve x reader #steve x daughter #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x reader #captain america x reader

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atths--twice · 4 years ago

Text

Shades of Blue

It feels like a long time since things have changed in the world. Simple and every day enjoyments have become unknown at the moment. But, some can be experienced still... just perhaps a bit differently. 😊

This was an idea that came to me and I could not stop thinking about it. It is disgustingly fluffy and I make absolutely no apologies whatsoever. I think I smiled the entire time I was writing it.

I hope you do too. ❤️🍬❤️

July 2020

Scully finished putting away the dishes from lunch and dried her hands on the towel in her hands. As she hung it up on the oven door, she glanced down at her feet and sighed.

The nail polish she had applied a few weeks ago was nearly gone and she knew she would need to do something about it soon. Making a mental note to take the polishes out later, after Faith was down for a nap, she sighed again and looked up, catching Mulder’s eye.

“What the troubs, Bubs?” he asked from across the room and she chuckled. Shaking her head, she walked over and sighed as she sat beside him on the couch, where he sat watching Faith play.

“Not really troubling, just…”

“Tell me,” he said, bumping her shoulder and smiling at her.

“It’s… it’s silly, really.”

“Nonsense. Out with it.”

By way of explanation, she set her bare feet on the coffee table and pointed with another sigh. He looked down and back up at her with a frown.

“What? Your toes?”

“Yeah. Like I said, it’s silly and not even something I do very often, but I would really like to be able to go and get a pedicure,” she said with a tiny pout and he smiled. “Get out of the house. Sit in one of those wonderful massage chairs… hmm. Have someone rub my feet while I read a magazine about some celebrities I’ve never heard of nor care to know really, or just close my eyes and relax.” She hummed again and closed her eyes as she leaned her head back on the couch and let out a breath.

She heard Mulder shift around and then his foot brushed against hers. Opening her eyes, she watched as his toes ran across hers. Clasping her hand, he brought it to his lips and kissed it.

“It’s been a long time, I know. Being home all the time like we have been,” he said, both of them looking at Faith as she knocked down her blocks with a squeal of delight. Scully smiled at her and Mulder kissed her hand again before letting it go and standing up quickly.

“What’re you doing?” she asked, looking up at him in surprise.

“Give me about… ten minutes, okay?” He bent and kissed her, stood back up, and turned toward the stairs with a grin.

“Okay,” she said with a shrug and a quirk of her lips. She scooted off the couch and sat down next to Faith on the floor. “What could your daddy be up to, my love?”

“Dada,” Faith said, walking to Scully and crawling into her lap. “‘Piedah?”

“Itsy Bitsy Spider?”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Scully said with a smile, hugging her close and kissing her head before she began to sing.

When she had finished, Faith stood up and picked up two books, bringing them to Scully and climbing back into her lap. As she read and Faith repeated the words she knew, she kept her back to Mulder, not wanting to ruin whatever surprise plan he had concocted in his mind. She could hear him banging around, opening and closing cupboards, the sink running and the front door opening.

Her curiosity was not the only one that was piqued. Bella trotted over to him and then out the open door, her tags jingling as she walked back and forth across the porch, following Mulder with whatever he was doing.

“No, Bella!” Scully heard him say and she smiled. “That’s not for you, girl. If you’re thirsty, go inside.”

“Thirsty?” Scully asked Faith, her lips pressed against her sweet smelling hair. “What is he doing out there?”

“Cow. Mooooooo,” Faith said, pointing at the cow in the book. “Cat. Maow. Gay. Maow.”

“Yes, love. Grey says meow. You’re so smart.”

“Gay. Gay. Cat.” Faith stood up and walked over to the scratching post, reaching up to pet Grey, who was sleeping with her head hanging off the side. “Hi, Gay.”

Grey woke up with a trilling purring meow, opening her blue eyes and stretching. She let out a big yawn and then pushed into Faith’s hand with a purr.

“Aww, Gay. Wahv, Gay.”

“You love Grey, Faith?” Scully asked her with a smile at hearing her say love for the first time. Rising up on her knees to work her way closer to the scratching post, she rubbed Faiths back gently. “Honey, I love you so much.” She kissed her head and then they both pet Grey, who rolled over and stretched, scratching at them gently.

“Ladies,” Mulder said behind them and Scully turned to look at him. He was smiling as he stood in the doorway, arms outstretched. “Would you care to join me on the porch?”

Grey jumped down and ran toward Mulder, Faith laughing as she followed her. He laughed as he scooped Faith up and kissed her, blowing into her neck and making growling sounds. She laughed and wiggled in his arms. Scully stood up and smiled, shaking her head as she walked toward them.

“What’s on the porch, sneaky man?” she asked and he wiggled his eyebrows.

“Well, it’s not exactly a massage chair in a nail salon, but…” He stepped aside, moving Faith to lay across his shoulder and patting her on the butt. Scully stepped past them and let out a breath as she walked through the doorway.

“Mulder…” she said quietly, shaking her head again. She looked back at him and he grinned with a shrug as she turned to look back at what he had done.

On the porch, he had set up a chair from the outdoor table set, along with the small chair from the child’s table set they had bought last year. In front of the chairs, was one of the black plastic tubs they had used for beverages at Faith’s birthday last year, filled with water and bubbles. The large makeup bag, in which she kept her collection of nail polish bottles, polish remover, fingernail clippers, and cotton balls was sitting on the table, and a couple of towels lay across the back of the other chair.

“You… Mulder…” She shook her head as she walked across the porch and sat down, putting her feet in the water, glad she had worn shorts that morning. “Come on, Faithy my love, this is your spot. Daddy’s going to treat us to pedicures.” She tapped Faith’s chair with a grin and Mulder set her down beside it.

Faith leaned forward and looked at Scully’s legs and then touched the bubbles sitting at the top of the bucket. She looked up at them and then back at the bubbles.

“Bath,” she said, splashing her hands in the water. “Watah.”

“Yes. It is like a bath,” Scully said with a chuckle. “But, we are going to do things a little differently. Sit down, love.” Mulder knelt beside her, rolled up her leggings, and helped her put just her legs in as she looked at him confusedly.

“Yeah, just like this. Can you feel Mama’s feet in there?”

Scully touched Faith’s feet with her own and she gasped. She looked at Scully and then raised her feet out of the water and splashed them back down, spraying water and bubbles everywhere. Bella barked excitedly and came over to the tub, putting her face in and coming back up with a nose full of bubbles. They all laughed as Mulder wiped her muzzle and stood up, his shirt wet in spots.

“I fear this may not go as seamlessly as you may have pictured when you decided to do something so sweet,” Scully told him, moving her feet in the warm water as Faith splashed hers again. Grey walked over cautiously and when a drop of water hit her, she jumped and ran away.

“Yeah. I kind of thought it would be one of those moments we look back on that was idyllic. But…” He sighed as Faith splashed even more, the bubbly water in the tub disappearing quickly as it hit the porch.

“No, Mulder. It’s perfect,” Scully said with a chuckle, and she meant it. It was perfect.

“Hey.”

He looked at her and she crooked her finger at him. Walking around, he stood behind her on her right hand side. He bent over as she continued to crook her finger with a smile, her eyes shining.

“It’s perfect, really,” she repeated quietly. He looked down at the whirlpool of water Faith was creating. It was soaking the porch, her legs and Scully’s, their clothes, and Bella’s face, as she refused to budge from beside the tub. “Now… you best hop to it. These feet aren’t going to massage themselves.” He chuckled, kissed her neck loudly, and stood up.

“Yes, ma’am.” He bent and kissed the top of Faith’s head as he walked around them.

Looking at the wet porch, he shook his head. Raising his eyes to Scully’s, she smiled with a shrug, knowing he was about to get very wet, despite the best of his intentions.

He told Bella to move and she sat up, licking his hand, and then flopping down in the shade. Grey chased after her, swatting at her tail as she wagged it. Mulder sat down cross legged in Bella’s spot and sighed with a happy smile.

“Do Faith’s toes first. See if we can calm some of that wildness,” Scully suggested and he nodded.

“Hey, wild girl,” he said with a laugh, grabbing a hold of one of Faith’s feet, the splashing stopping instantly. “I’m gonna paint your toes, okay?”

“Toes. Pigs.” She made a pig sound, or her version of it, breathing quickly in and out through her open mouth. They both laughed, as they always did, the sight of it beyond adorable.

“This little piggy went to market,” Mulder began to recite, rubbing her feet and twisting her little toes. She laughed and clapped, saying some of it with him.

He put her foot back and repeated the process with the other foot. Knowing she wanted more than a mental picture, Scully pulled her feet out of the water and shook them off, walking with wet feet across the porch and into the house to grab her cell phone.

“Mama go.” She heard Faith say and she smiled. She was speaking so much now, adding new words to her vocabulary daily. Sighing at how fast time truly did fly, she walked back onto the porch to join them.

“Mama,” Faith said with a smile as Scully sat down beside her.

“My love,” Scully replied, stroking the top of her head.

“Dada, toes, pigs.”

Scully grinned and took some pictures of them, her phone on silent, so as to capture candid shots. Watching Mulder be so attentive and gentle, especially with Faith, always made her feel like mush inside. Every day he was wonderful with her, of course he was, but these special moments… God, it just made her melt.

“Okay, Miss Faith,” he said, her feet held in both of his hands. “Now that your feet are clean, if Mama would be so kind as to hand me a towel and the bag there, we’ll get your little piggies painted.”

“Pigs.” She made the snorting sound again and Scully chuckled as she turned to do his bidding.

Handing him the items, he dried her feet and pretended to bite her toes, making growling noises as he did. She laughed and pushed them closer to his mouth, silently asking him to do it again.

“I’ll get those piggies!” he cried, growling and moving his mouth all over her feet. She squealed and Scully caught every second of it on video.

“Okay, time to get serious,” he said, scooting her chair away from the tub a little and opening up the bag, moving things around as he looked inside. “So in here, we have a few color options. Let’s see… oh a dark red… a bit grown up, but there is a pandemic going on, so...what the hell? Ah, a nice purple- lilac? Is that what we would call that color? Eh… a couple different shades of pink. Orange, really?” He looked at Scully in disbelief and she laughed.

“It was for that thing at the hospital. At Halloween a few years back, remember?”

“Oh, right. So this is old polish?”

“Some of it is. The pink ones and the lavender are not.”

“Lilac, lavender, it’s all purple to me,” he said with a shrug as he set the colors in his lap and closed the bag. “So which one would you like, my girl?”

“There are a few more bottles in the bag.”

“No, there’s not.”

“There is or there should be- different shades of blue. Did you not see them?”

“Saw them. Not an option. Not for her,” he stated, not meeting her eyes as she looked at him with raised eyebrows.

“I’m sorry, what?” She shifted her feet in the tub, raising her right foot, and poking at him with her wet toes.

He looked at her then, his eyes dark and full of desire. Taken aback, she made to move her foot, but he caught it. Squeezing her toes, he stared at her hard and she swallowed as her heart began to pound.

“The blues are for you. You can pick one of them when it’s your turn.” He let go of her foot and returned his attention to Faith. “So which would you like, sweetheart? Red, pink, or lavender ?” Scully put her foot back in the water, his words intriguing her as to why blue would be the color for her, even as the look in his eyes made her feel out of breath.

Faith stood up from her chair and then squatted down to see the bottles better, reaching for the lavender one and a light pink. She looked at them and then at him, handing the pink one back and holding onto the lavender one.

“Purple? Is that the color you want?”

“Puhpo.”

“Okay! Great decision, Squatchy.” He put the other bottles away and set the bag beside him. Reaching for hers, she pulled it back and shook her head.

“No. My puhpo.” She held it closer and he smiled.

“I see. Well, it appears you’ll need a demonstration as to what will be happening before we can move forward. Mama, if you would be so obliging…”

He reached for the bag again and looked up at Scully. She nodded and lifted a foot from the water. He dried it quickly and took the bottle of “grown up red” from the bag. Opening the bottle, he began to paint her big toe, glancing up at Faith with a smile as he did.

For a moment, Scully was transported to a different time; when she was pregnant with William and feeling very uncomfortable. She had complained about a lot, a lot a lot on that particular day; one of the complaints being that her toes were chipped and messy. He had walked away and into her bathroom and she knew she had pushed too far, tears pooling in her eyes as the pregnancy hormones had betrayed her yet again.

But then, he had walked out of the bathroom and guided her to the couch. Making sure she was comfortable, he had sat down on the floor in front of her and placed her feet in his lap.

Taking his time, he had painted over the pale blue polish she had been wearing. He had said nothing, understanding that any words he said would have fallen on deaf ears. Making sure they had looked good before he got up, he had propped her feet up on the coffee table.

“Better?” he had asked softly, as she looked at the freshly painted dark red on her toenails.

“Better. Thank you,” she had said, shaking her head and sighing as he had sat down beside her. “I know it’s silly-”

“No, Scully. It’s not. You're growing a person inside of you. A little uber Scully. You can complain about things. I may not be able to fix them all, but toes… well, that I can do.” He had taken her hand and squeezed it as she put her head on his shoulder.

“Thank you.”

“Mm-hmm.”

They had sat in silence until she spoke and corrected his previous comment.

“An uber Scully-Mulder,” she had said with a whisper and he chuckled softly, nodding against her head, as he had moved his arm to wrap it around her shoulders.

“See, honey? You see how I painted Mama’s toe? That’s what I want to do with the purple, but on your toes. Do you want me to do that?” Mulder’s discussion with Faith pulled her back to the present and she took a deep breath as she closed her eyes briefly.

“Me. Me do puhpo,” Faith said and Scully looked at her as she handed her bottle to Mulder, put a foot on his leg, and held onto his shoulder. He chuckled and nodded, closing up the dark red.

“Sit down then, my love. Sit down.” He glanced at Scully and they both smiled. Making sure the dark red was closed properly, he put it back in the bag and moved Scully’s foot back into the tub. “I’ll take care of that later.” He winked and began to shake the bottle of purple polish as Faith sat down.

“With a shade of blue?” she asked, raising her eyebrows. “As that’s already been decided?”

“Hmm,” he said, putting Faith’s left foot on his leg and opening the bottle. “I didn’t decide that, honey, you did. Years ago, in fact. Okay, you ready, love?” He looked at Faith and she nodded enthusiastically.

With a chuckle, he opened the bottle and set it beside him, taking the wand out and holding onto her little foot. When he painted the first toe, she gasped and put a hand on Scully’s knee as she leaned forward to look closer.

“Puhpo! Mama! Puhpo toe. Puhpo pigs!” she exclaimed and they both laughed exuberantly.

She watched intently as he painted the next one, once he had stopped laughing. When they were all done, he put her right foot beside her left and started with her little pinky toe.

Scully ran her thumb across the top of Faith’s hand before she began snapping more photos, catching the excitement and wonder on Faith’s face, and the happiness on Mulder’s.

“Annnnd done!” he said, looking up and smiling at Faith as he closed the bottle. One last photo was taken, before Scully put her phone down on the table. He bent his head and blew on Faith’s toes, attempting to dry them faster. She giggled and lifted one closer to his mouth. “Oh no! Purple piggies!”

He pulled back as he held her foot and she giggled again. Bella ran over, her tail wagging as she pushed under his arm, licking at his face. He laughed and Faith squealed, pulling her foot back and standing up.

“Oh, Bell,” she said, hugging her neck as Mulder wrapped an arm around Faith, knowing how excited Bella could get.

She licked at them both as Scully once again took pictures, smiling as she moved her feet around in the now much cooled off water. Grey sat a few feet behind them, her tail wrapped around her legs and her head cocked to the side as if trying to figure out why everyone was so excited.

Once Mulder had gotten them calmed down a bit, Faith sat back down and put her feet back in his lap.

“Moh puhpo,” she said and he smiled.

“No, love. You don’t need more. They’re all finished. You wanna play in the tub while Mama has her turn?”

“You’ll need to add more warm water before she does. It’s a little chilly.”

“Oh, you should’ve said,” he told her, feeling the water. “No, it’s a lot chillier.” He looked at her and she shrugged.

“It feels good to me in this heat, but it won’t to Faith.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” He stood up and walked inside, Scully laughing as she saw the wetness from Faith’s splashing, staining the back of his dark blue basketball shorts.

“You got him good, love. Nice job,” she said as she lifted Faith into her lap.

“Mama. Puhpo toes. Yook.” Faith pointed as she wiggled her toes and Scully laughed.

“Yup. You have purple on your toes. Daddy painted them for you.” Faith leaned back and took a deep breath, putting her arm up around Scully’s neck. Taking a deep breath of her own, Scully began to hum and rock her in her arms.

“Wahv Mama.”

“Oh, honey. I love you. So very much.” Scully squeezed her tighter and rested her head on top of Faith’s.

“Okay! Here’s the warm water,” he said, carrying a large silver pot in his hands.

Scully took her feet out of the tub and he set the pot down. He dumped out half of the water from the tub, and then refilled it with the warm water; some bath toys coming out with it. Scully smiled as she stuck a toe in and felt the temperature. With a nod, he smiled as he set the pot down and reached for Faith.

“You ready to play in the tub, purple piggies? Let’s get your clothes off.” He took off everything and set her down naked into the tub. She looked at him with a smile and began to splash happily and play with her toys.

“Good plan to keep her occupied. You still have a job to do and I have some questions,” Scully said, clearing her throat and raising her eyebrows.

“Is that right?” he asked as Bella laid down beside the tub, calm in the middle of Faith’s excited play.

“Oh, it’s absolutely right,” she said, moving her chair a little, away from the tub, and handing him a towel. He smiled as he took it from her and picked up the makeup bag.

Sitting down cross legged again, he took her feet into his lap and dried them with the towel. She wiggled her toes and he grabbed at them, his eyes once again desirous as her heart raced.

“You want to know about blue being the color for you,” he stated with certainty.

“You’re damn right I want to know about that,” she asked, shaking her head and glancing at Faith. She was playing with a tiny pink watering can with a white daisy on the side from some toy set she had and had taken into the tub one night.

“I figured you might have figured it out by now,” he said, taking out the polish remover and cotton balls. Looking up, he winked as he opened the bottle and applied it to a cotton ball, and then her toenails, removing the current light pink she had been wearing.

“Nope. I’m at a loss here,” she said, her right foot moving slowly up his inner thigh.

“Hey,” he warned, moving her foot back to his knee. He looked at Faith and shook his head. “Stop that.”

“You started it.”

“How?” he asked incredulously, shaking his head.

“You mentioned the blue polish and then looked at me all… hmm. You started it. It was just a simple pedicure until you did that, so yeah, you started it.” She pressed her toes into his knee and he let out a sigh; continuing to take off the polish as he shook his head.

“Mama. Yook. puhpo.” Faith held a purple walrus bath toy in her hand, holding it out to show Scully. “Puhpo toes.”

“Yeah, baby. It’s purple like your toes. Good job. You’re such a smart girl,” Scully said, smiling at her as she watched her playing happily in the black tub.

Mulder had moved onto her other foot by the time she looked back at him. The toenails on her left foot were now bare and it looked odd to her, having them been light pink for quite awhile.

“Ahem…” she said, tapping him with her toes. He looked up and she raised her eyebrows. Nodding, he took a deep breath.

“Your toes were painted blue the first time I ever really noticed and it threw me,” he explained and she frowned at him. He smiled and finished taking off her polish, setting the cotton balls beside him. Lifting a foot, he began to massage it and she sighed happily.

“We were in South Dakota and it was hot as balls outside. The air conditioner had stopped working in your room, so you were in mine, where it was only slightly cooler. You were grumpy and frustrated with the case, talking really fast as you paced, and all I could do was watch you.” He hit a particularly sensitive spot on her foot and she groaned, her head dropping back.

“You were so serious about it, and all I could think was that you were so beautiful, and I couldn’t stop myself from looking at you while you were distracted.” He stopped massaging her foot, simply holding it in his hands, and she raised her head to look at him. “You were wearing a black camisole and your work skirt, fanning yourself as you paced around in your tirade. Your hair was pulled up with pieces of it falling down and your heels were off in the corner.”

She smiled at him, remembering that case and he was right, it was as hot as balls outside. It was muggy as well and their motel was next to a large disgusting pond which smelled and drew mosquitoes to it. She had been bitten a lot while they were there, forcing them to stop at a drugstore for bug bite medication on their way home. Needless to say, she had been unhappy the entire time they were there.

“I remember South Dakota,” she said, taking her foot from him and offering him the other. He grinned and began to rub it. “But what does that have to do with blue toenail polish?”

“I’m getting there,” he said with a wink, glancing at Faith, who was filling the little watering can and pouring it on her head.

“Hmm…”

“So… as I was saying,” he said as his thumbs rubbed the sole of her foot and she moaned again. “I was looking at you and knew if I was caught, you would kill me.” He looked up at her and she shrugged with a smirk.

“Well, when you stopped moving, I noticed your toes were painted blue and I wasn’t able to concentrate on anything else.”

“Why?” she asked with a laugh.

“Mama. Yook.” Faith filled the watering can again and poured it out on the porch.

“That’s nice, honey,” she said with a smile, turning her attention back to Mulder. He shook his head and shrugged.

“I don’t know. There was just something about seeing those blue toenails, knowing you had been busting balls all day, staring down our suspect, wearing heels… I can’t explain it. It was just so… hot. ”

“Quite literally,” she laughed, remembering the heat of the room. “What if they had been red?”

“Nah. Not as good,” he said with a shake of his head, rubbing her heel and smiling. “Red is too commonplace. But blue… hmm.” He shook his head again and she laughed.

“That was years ago. God… we hadn’t even been working together that long at that point. Barely even nine months.”

“Oh, of that I am well aware,” he said with a heavy sigh and a shake of his head and she laughed again.

“That one time and now I’m destined to choose only from shades of blue?”

“It was more than once and every time it was hot. You’ve had different colors, of course, but the blue, well… And as I’m the one painting your toes today, you will be choosing from the various shades of blue in the bag.” He grinned and set her foot down on his lap, holding both of them in his hands. She smiled and then held her hand out as she licked her lips.

“Hand me the bag.”

“Good. I’ll check that the water is still nice and warm for Squatch as you pick.” He handed her the bag as he stood up and stretched, walking over to Faith and squatting down.

“Hey, love. You having fun?”

“Dada. Yook. Puhpo.” She showed him the walrus and he kissed the top of her head. “Pigs. Puhpo.”

“Yes, your piggies are purple. You warm enough?” He felt the water and nodded, kissing her head again as he stood up, walking back to Scully.

“So, did you make your decision?” He sat down and stared up at her with a smile.

“Wellll…” she drawled out as she handed the bag back to him. “I can’t say that I have as I like all of them.” She sighed and showed him the bottles in her lap.

“Five bottles? You have five bottles of different shades of blue?!”

“I like blue,” she said with a shrug. “And apparently you do too.”

“Exactly! I’m saying, you have those five bottles of blue and they haven’t appeared more often in the rotation? Seriously?” She laughed and shook her head.

“If I had known how much you enjoyed it, they would have. But as I’m just learning of it today, I can’t be held responsible.”

“Fair enough. Hand me the bottles,” he said with a smile, putting out his hand and smiling as she handed them to him.

“South Dakota,” he mumbled, setting one aside. “Movie night at your place. Tennessee. My apartment. Kroner.”

“What?” she asked curiously, watching as he looked at the bottles.

“Well, these might not be the exact color, but they’re pretty close.” He shrugged and stared at them, mumbling under his breath.

“You remember the exact shades from each of those times?” she asked incredulously and he raised his head to look at her.

“I remember everything, Scully. Did you forget that?” He smiled with a wink and her heart raced again.

Faith splashed in the tub and Scully glanced at her, making her decision. Placing her feet in his lap, she nodded. He tilted his head to the side and she grinned.

“All of them.”

“What?” he asked, his eyes wide.

“Five bottles, five toes on each foot… seems the decision has already been made. Five shades of blue… one for each toe.”

“Do you have any idea what you’re saying?” He shook his head as he let out a deep ragged breath. “Any idea, Scully?”

“She goes down for a nap in half an hour,” she said, glancing at Faith and then back to him. “I know what I’m saying.” He stared at her and she smiled, winking as she slowly moved a foot back and forth across his thigh. He cleared his throat and grabbed her foot, stopping her movements.

“They will need time to dry. The girl needs to get out, dried and dressed… and all in the next half hour. I suggest you figure out the pattern you wish to use before it gets too much later,” she said, pressing the toes of her other foot into his leg. He swallowed hard and nodded.

“Yes, ma’am,” he said in a low voice and she shivered with the anticipation of what was to come. He picked up the first bottle and began to shake it, his eyes once again full of desire as he stared at her.

“Half an hour,” she said again. “Forty five minutes, tops.”

“No. It will be half an hour,” he stated firmly, as he began to paint her big toe dark blue.

“As long as they look good.”

“All the blues at once, Scully… do you even know me?” He shook his head and she laughed. “Now, stop distracting me, woman. I’m working on a deadline here.”

“Yes, dear.”

She watched him for a second, the serious dedication he gave to the task, and she grinned. As she turned her attention to Faith, she looked up and smiled at her, the pink watering can in her hands, and Scully smiled wider.

Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes as the warm wind blew, happy in the moment. No other pedicure would ever measure up to the one shared with her wild girl and given by the man she loved.

No matter how wonderful those massage chairs would feel one day, nothing would compare to discovering the love and desire that lay unknown within the different shades of blue.

#The X Files #XF Fanfic #So much fluff it is disgusting #Happiness #Family #Family Fluff #Domestic life is just...#I love to imagine them happy this way #Where can I get a pedicure from Mulder?#Fluff and Happiness

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sunshinexlollipops · 4 years ago

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I'm so sorry, Luffy, about your piggie. Sending you the tightest virtual hug.

thank you, @nuvoleincielo. 🥺

I'm just shocked that this even happened. for what it appeared to be, Duddits seemed completely healthy and without any issues. he was also only 3 years old, so he was no senior pig by any means. not like Popcorn, his diabetes and other health complications aside.

Duddits was only ever sick once, and that was after I first adopted him from my former employeer. he was originally taken off the sales floor because his long hair kept getting stuck in his manly bits and he was getting pain medication for it because it was obviously not a comfy ordeal. my one manager allowed me to adopt Duds because of his care needs.

little did I know that he had gotten exposed to a URI bug by some other piggies, and he developed one the week after I got him. took him to the vet and he was right as rain after some piggie antibiotics, and he never had an issue again.

sincerely my only guess to his passing was over bonding with Popcorn. Duds showed signs of depression after I got Popcorn taken care of at my vet the day he passed, but Duds improved to a degree with Rupert being around.

I mean, this was them just a couple of weeks ago at the beginning of this month. :(

[video ID: Duddits and Rupert, guinea pigs, are playing in the front yard during one of the last warm days before winter. they are in a covered playpen with a bowl of fresh veggies and with a hide for them to enjoy. in the video, Rupert is eating the veggies while Duddits eats grass and runs into the hide. the video is only about 5 seconds long. end ID.]

he seemed healthy. legit no chase for concern. which is why I felt like I was in shock when I discovered he had passed at some point after I'd gotten home from work.

I'm just so shocked and frustrated and I'm so over 2020 emotionally. I feel like I should be crying over Duds more but I'm so enraged and pissed because it's like -- seriously? After all this, he gets taken too?

IDK. I'm talking in circles. I had some drinks tonight and I'm about to go to bed but yeah, this is NOT something I expected to have happen right after Popcorn.

here's two cursed pictures of my beloved gremlin babies. may they rest in peace. 🥺💛

[image description: left -- Duddits, a mostly pure white, long-hair guinea pig with tan around his eyes. he is facing the camera like mothman before a bridge collapse. right -- Popcorn, short-hair guinea pig. Popcorn is mostly a honey mustard color, with an almost salt and pepper splotch along his left eye. he is staring at the camera through the bars of his cage, as though he is the one who is going to ensure the bridge collapses. end ID.]

again-- thank you for reaching out to me. you've been so sweet for all that's been going on for me.

I wish I had better news or updates to share but my luck has just been in the shitter since October. still, you've been so supportive it's really helped make a world of a difference. thank you from the bottom of my heart. 💛

#luffy asks

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mst3kproject · 5 years ago

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1113: The Christmas that Almost Wasn’t

I’ve been saving this one, too – not because I particularly dislike the movie but because I wanted to do it close to Christmas, and here we are! In fact, I kind of like The Christmas that Almost Wasn’t, to the point where I’m going to enjoy watching it again.

For years now, Santa Claus has been living rent-free at the North Pole with the permission of the Inuit, but now that land has been bought out from under him by the Scroogish Phineas Prune! Prune wants rent money or he will seize the toys instead, and so to save Christmas, Santa has to get a job. He lands a gig as a department store mascot, but then Prune buys the store, too. Looks like there won’t be a very merry Christmas this year, unless some kind of last-minute miracle can happen. Fortunately, last-minute miracles are what Christmas movies are all about!

So… why do I like this movie? It’s not exactly festive – as Max points out, there’s nothing very jolly about Santa hiring a lawyer to deal with his landlord. The animated title sequence is kind of charming, but the actual opening scene in Mr. Whipple’s office is claustrophobic and dark, and both it and the scene where they confront Prune at the North Pole drag a bit. The songs aren’t catchy (although the nonsense one the elves sing about Prune is fun), and the dealings with rent, lawyers, and evictions are probably way over the heads of the target audience of children. The depiction of Santa’s workshop as one little hut in the middle of the snow, where about nine elves must make all the millions of presents, is pretty depressing. And of course there’s the downright nightmarish plush animals in the department store. The screaming giraffe is my favourite.

In general, though, I like the movie’s aesthetic. It’s set in a nonspecific but vaguely Victorian past with just a hint of fantasy on top, and a lot of the sets have something to say about the people who spend time in those spaces. Santa and his wife in their north pole hovel are simple people who care far more about others than about themselves. Whipple’s office is comfortable but not large or fancy, and shows us a man who is reasonably successful but not pretentious. Prune’s cobwebby house tells us, even before Mrs. Claus brings it up, that he is a man who doesn’t look after himself. The characters' names speak to similar ideas, such as Mr. Prim the very proper department store owner. It’s true that this is all quite simplistic, but in a fable for children that’s okay.

The costumes do a similar job, equally well. It’s not that hard to get Santa Claus or a Dastardly villain right, of course, but enough movies manage to fail at it regardless that I feel The Christmas that Almost Wasn’t has earned a kudo or two. Like the sets, the costumes tell us about the characters. Mr. Whipple the lawyer, in his tidy but plain suit and festive mittens, is a professional but doesn’t like sticking out in a crowd. Mr. Prim’s mustache-hair tells us he’s very fussy. Mrs. Claus, always apparently dressed in her pajamas, is a homebody. Somebody took the trouble to dress all the elves slightly different, so that even though we never really meet them we can tell they’re individuals.

The main characters, furthermore, all have more than one layer! Santa Claus loves children but is worried what they’ll think of him, and his isolated life at the north pole has given him a measure of social anxiety. Actor Alberto Rabagliati manages to embody both ‘right jolly old elf’ and ��old man down on his luck’, and sometimes both at the same time. It’s hard to judge anybody’s performance because of the dubbing (although even there I’ve heard much, much worse), but physically he’s perfect. Mrs. Claus is a ‘kill them with kindness’ type, and you can see she takes just a bit of spiteful joy in Prune’s response to the word ‘children’. Whipple can be shy but once he gets into his Lawyer Groove he has no problem getting in Prune’s face. Blossom the butler is a jerk but has a soft spot for the dog, and so on. The only character moment I really don’t like is Prune’s redemption at the end.

This bit is simply, as Jonah and the bots observed, too easy – one gift and suddenly years of mental torment and toxic behaviour are gone, poof! It does give a good ending to the bit where Prune insists he was never a child and the elves can’t find anything about him, but doesn’t the fact that Jonathan lost his letter just give him that much more reason to be angry? Furthermore, there’s the fact that gifts from Santa and gifts from family coexist in this world, as illustrated by the department store and the Christmas shopping. Even if he didn’t get a sailboat from Santa, shouldn’t little Phineas have gotten one from his parents? There are clearly more issues going on here than a simple lost letter.

That brings us to the real meat of this movie. Last year, at the beginning of my review of Elves, I noted that the Christmas season is a contradictory one – what we actually feel is often violently at odds with what’s supposed to be the ‘Spirit of Christmas’, and the most obvious facet of this dichotomy is the whole ‘Season of Generosity’ thing. Generosity is great and the world needs more of it, but at Christmas the recipients of this generosity are most often children, who respond by learning greed. This interplay goes on throughout The Christmas that Almost Wasn’t.

We start with the kangaroo court in which Whipple accuses Prune of being a tightwad. Prune insists that his motives have nothing to do with greed – he just hates children! In fact, one of the reasons he gives for hating them is because they’re greedy. All they want is toys and candy, and every year Santa indulges the little brats! Santa, on the other hand, insists that being generous to children will teach them to be generous to others.

At the last moment, when all hope seems lost, we find that Santa was right – the kids are more than happy to donate their piggy banks to pay Santa’s rent! This not only makes Christmas possible, but also allows Santa and his wife to passive-aggressively pay almost entirely in pennies – I once did this to a high school math teacher who made us all buy a five dollar study guide and let me tell you, there are few things more satisfying. Even so, there’s a weird extra layer to this action. The kids are being generous, but they must all know that if they aren’t, it’s them who will suffer the consequences. Who wouldn’t donate a dollar or two when their Christmas presents are at stake? Are the children being generous? Or are they being greedy?

Isn’t that what we all do at Christmas? When the ancient Romans sacrificed to their gods, they said do ut das, which means something like I am giving so that you might give. We give gifts to friends and family at Christmas in the expectation that they will give us something we wanted. My eight-year-old niece really wanted Wings of Fire III for Christmas this year, and pouted all day because nobody could find it for her, despite the fact that she got a load of other presents. When you give with no expectation of return, that’s charity, which we also do at Christmas – but in our minds, our reward for charity is feeling like a good person, while our reward for giving presents is getting presents back.

Another facet of this in the movie is that Santa actually has an arc of his own, in learning to accept generosity. Generosity is Santa Claus’ defining trait, but in The Christmas that Almost Wasn’t we see him try to refuse offers of kindness from others. First there’s when Whipple offers to give him the money – Santa tries to refuse, and looks relieved when Whipple finds he doesn’t actually have that much money to give. Too, Santa has not chosen his lawyer at random. He knows he can’t afford to hire a lawyer so he goes to somebody who has already offered him a favour, rather than pleading for charity from a complete stranger. Santa does not expect people to be generous to him.

At the end, when the boy named Charlie suggest that the children could donate the money, Santa once again tries to refuse. The kids’ show of support, however, is so overwhelming that Santa can’t say no. He realizes that he doesn’t always have to be the generous one – he can be the recipient. I suppose this is reflected in Prune’s arc, as he, too, finds he can accept generosity. If this were intentional, it wasn’t done very well, but as I already observed Prune’s entire arc wasn’t done very well. The film spends far more time on Santa and Whipple than it does on Prune, and we would have needed to know far more about the role of generosity in Prune’s life to get anything out of it.

Happy new year, everybody! We get a new Mars rover in 2020, which is a great note to start on. I’ve only got a couple more MST3K movies to go, so I’ve been thinking about what I’m going to do with this blog once I’ve covered those. I’ve had a lot of fun writing this and judging by the likes and reblogs, you guys are having fun reading it. There’s also the hope that somehow, someday, we’ll get more new episodes. I think I’ll try doing regular Episodes that Never Were for a while and see how that goes over. It’s not as if the world has any lack of bad movies, and they keep making new ones all the time.

No, I haven’t seen Cats yet.

#mst3k #reviews #the christmas that almost wasn't #holiday reviews #60s

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doof-doofblog · 4 years ago

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"Will You Help Me?!"

Thursday 22nd October 2020

Hello again folks! Hope everyone has had a brilliant week, tonight I'll be covering last night's episode and tomorrow I shall follow up on tonight's episode. There seems to be a lot to get through so I'll jump right into it!

The episode starts off at the Slaters with an unknown character putting something through the letter box, in the kitchen Kat and Stacey are slagging off Ruby, clearly Stacey is reeling after recent events. She seems to be really disliking Ruby at the minute, and of course we can all understand why. As Stacey is letting off some steam to Kat, a scream is heard from the hall and Lily is seen holding the carrier bag. Stacey takes it off her daughter and looks inside, what the heck could it be? It looked squishy to me, some kind of organ or something?! Is Ruby out to get revenge on Stacey?!

Meanwhile at the Mitchell's, Phil is discussing fighting for full custody of Raymond with Ritchie, he wants to make sure that he's doing things the right way, but unfortunately, what Phil is asking his lawyer is not realistic. With Phil's track record it seems unlikely that the court will let him have full custody of Raymond, everything looks like he has no chance of getting his son, but then he looks like he might have an idea. Will he somehow be able to get Denise on board? Will he convince her to fight for custody of her son? I am kind of hoping that Phil and Denise will put aside their differences and do the right thing and fight for Raymond, whether they have shared custody of the boy or whether Denise gets full custody, I'm pretty sure they'd do everything they can to get Raymond away from Ellie.

At the Beale household, Bobby is once again cleaning and washing his hands and counting along. Unbeknown to him, Peter is watching from behind, as soon as Bobby realises his brother is watching, he stops his actions completely before his Nan shows herself in the kitchen. Poor Kathy is still feeling humiliated, but to lift her spirits both Peter and Bobby compliment her, informing her that she's very pretty and that anyone would be lucky to have her. (Which I happen to agree!) Bobby then promises to head out and fetch his Gran some painkillers, she is left feeling a lot more chirper as she limps back to the living room. God bless her, eh?! Also just then, Bobby leaves and it looks as if Peter is looking concerned for his younger brother, is he clicking on to what Bobby might be going through?

Meanwhile on the Square, Kush appears to be on the phone to someone, promising them to get money to them by Monday. Unfortunately the caller hangs up before they manage to come to an agreement, and what a surprise - Suki has overheard the conversation and asks the very rude question whether Kush is having money issues. But of course she's not acting as the concerned neighbour, no, she only wants to know because of the fact that they owe her rent. As Suki walks away, Kush sees Stacey approach with a carrier bag held out in front of her and reveals that someone actually posted a dead rat through her door. She believes it was Ruby, I mean, it would make sense right? Kush looks on in amazement as Stacey heads towards the Vic. Once inside, she finds Ruby sat a table and dumps the carrier bag with the dead rat inside in front of her. Ruby looks puzzled as Stacey reveals what it is before she starts throwing accusations at her. As Stacey starts to kick off on her ex-best friend, Martin steps in and informs his ex-wife that she hasn't got any proof! If Ruby didn't post the dead rat, then who did? Could someone from Stacey's past be out for revenge? Or is it someone on the Square holding a grudge?! For what? Who knows?!

On the side of the bar, Bobby has popped in to see Sharon, asking politely whether she has any jobs for him to do, but also being the kind-hearted boy that he is, just wants to make sure that she's okay. She reassures him that she's doing fine and he doesn't need to keep checking up on her, however as she says this to the teenager, she opens a box which has been delivered to her and as she looks inside, she freezes. The police have returned Dennis's belongings from the night on the boat.

At the Cafe, Habiba finds her sister and confronts her about not telling Ash to leave. Iqra, at the moment, is stuck playing "Piggy In The Middle" between her girlfriend and her sister. She simply can't ask her girlfriend to leave just because her sister says so. But Habiba has had enough, she's still upset about Jags being sent to prison for 4 years for something he didn't do, and yet her sister isn't showing her any support. It's then she gives her sister an ultimatum, either Ash goes or she goes. It looks as if Iqra isn't taking her sister seriously, she basically ignores Habiba's ultimatum and carries on with what she's doing, leaving Habiba increasingly frustrated, angry and sad.

At the Minute Mart, Stacey bumps into Kush once again, I kind of loved the way she muttered to herself as she walked in how she was going to ram the dead rat down Ruby's throat! Brilliant! Typical Stacey Slater! As Kush asks her how her confrontation with Ruby went, she informs him that Ruby denied it was her who posted the dead vermin, but she doesn't believe a word she says! It's then when they chance subject that it gets interesting, Stacey asks Kush whether she could have the money back from what Kat paid for his stall, Kush says she can but unfortunately it won't be that day. Its then he confesses he's struggling financially at this moment in time ... (Could this be down to his gambling?) He admits to Stacey that someone is chasing him for money, however he wont tell her who. Is Kush in more trouble than we originally thought? Is this the reason he's turning to gambling, to perhaps pay back a debt of some kind?!

Back at the Café, Phil and Ritchie are discussing the possibility of Denise being involved in getting custody of Raymond. Ritchie admits it would be legal and it could be a path they could take, but will they be able to get Denise on their side?! She informs her client that Phil needs to play to Denise's song, approach the situation carefully, calmly and respectfully, otherwise if she says "No" their chance of getting Raymond back will be over. Meanwhile at the police station, DI Thompson is informing Callum that he's more desperate now than ever to get Phil Mitchell behind bars. He's wanting to make sure that Jack doesn't get to him before he does. When Callum questions why it matters who gets Phil, its then that DI Thompson happens to mention an old friend, an ex-copper who got involved with Phil and had her career ruined - please tell me you guys know who he's referring to - do you remember Kate?! I'm sure she was on some kind of mission to get Phil sent down, but over time they fell in love and she left her career as a policewoman and stood by Phil! ... She was such a brilliant character! In case you guys don't remember, here's a picture to jog your memory! (Kate Mitchell was played by Jill Halfpenny)!

Anyway, back to the episode in hand, DI Thompson continues to make Callum's career awkward as he warns him if he doesn't keep Jack quiet than Ben will most definitely be sent to prison! I feel sorry for Callum at the moment, it looks as if he's dug himself a too deeper and hole and he can't quite get out of it.

Meanwhile, at the salon, Jay is suggesting to Lola that they go out and spend a bit of time together, considering they haven't been able to see much of each other during lockdown. Lola makes the excuse that she's busy, but something is telling me is she perhaps falling out of love with Jay? Or is she still feeling guilty for cheating on him months back! It's been a long time since she had one night stand with Peter? As Jay disappears and she takes Honey to one side to get her hair done, it's then Honey informs Lola that she's incredibly lucky to have Jay. Jay has never been one to cheat, I mean I don't think he ever has, his two main love interests have been Abi and Lola, that's it as far as I'm aware. Anyway, as Honey is complimenting Lola's boyfriend, Lola is looking completely uncomfortable by the minute. Did she never tell Jay about her one night stand and has it been eating her up inside of her all this time?!

Back at the club, Dotty watches on in shock as Stacey enters and claims she's ready to give Ruby her first instalment of her money, the only thing is she has only gone and given it to her in pennies. She flings an entire bag full of pennies all over the table, she's sarcastic as she says that Ruby can count it to make sure it's all there. But Ruby is not impressed, its then that threats are started to be thrown between the two, Ruby threatens her friend that if she continues to play games, she'll make sure she's out of Walford by tonight! Stacey laughs at her threats and only digs in the knife in a little deeper as she claims that Martin will only go running back to her when he realises his kids have gone as well, even saying that Ruby will never understand because she isn't a mother and she's not going to start being one to her children, with that Stacey leaves, leaving Ruby in shock and Dotty asking whether she's going to allow Stacey to talk to her in that way, it's then Ruby states that she's not even started yet ... what the heck does that mean?!

Back at the Vic, Ian is shocked to find Bobby behind the bar serving alcohol, especially due to the fact that he's underage. He asks where Sharon has got to and Bobby reveals to his Dad about the package she received earlier, explaining that it was full of Dennis's belongings. Sharon asked Bobby to cover and she disappeared, as Bobby explains this to his Dad, Ian is looking so uncomfortable. Meanwhile at the police station, Callum is taking his chance to confront Jack - he decides to tread lightly and suggest that with all the children involved it could all get a little messy if Jack was to get Phil prosecuted. It's then that Jack informs him, in not so many polite words, that if he was going to dob Phil in and get him prosecuted, he would've done it by now! Basically giving Callum the answers that he wanted!

On the Square, Martin is calling at the Slaters to collect his children. This scene takes a very interesting turn, as Kush answers the door and discusses the whole rat situation with his friend, Martin is eager to keep his friend onside and make him believe that it wasn't his wife. Kush reassures his friend that he didn't think it was her, but when they begin to consider who could be responsible for doing such a thing, a figure in a dark hooded top walks past in the background behind Martin. Kush clicks on to the hooded figure and we see them turn as they enter the gardens ... who is this person and was the rat actually intended for Kush? If Kush has got himself in trouble, could this be who he owes money to?!

In the Vic, Lola catches up with Jay after taking him up on his offer to socialise together, she informs him that Honey has been singing his praises to her. Even though Lola is looking like she's about to tell Jay some bad news, she suggests to her boyfriend that they should move in together, it would be the first step in seeing each other more and also the next step in their relationship and future. Jay is shocked but yet over the moon with his girlfriend's suggestion. But is this really what Lola wants? Is she hiding something from Jay?!

Back on the Square, Iqra is shocked to see her sister walking up to a taxi with two huge suitcases. She really didn't take her sister seriously when it came to her ultimatum. She pleads for her Habiba to stay, she doesn't want to lose her sister or her girlfriend, how can she possibly make her choose? Habiba gives her sister one last chance, but she simply can't. As Habiba lifts her bags in the back of the taxi, Iqra pleads at how much she needs her sister, to which she replies "Jags needs me more!" - she jumps into her taxi and drives off, leaving Iqra heartbroken and leaving Walford. I didn't realise it until maybe later last night or early this morning, that this was actually Habiba leaving EastEnders for good. After nearly two years of playing Habiba Ahmed, Rukku Nahar has now left the soap ... which is a bit of shame, I did enjoy Habiba's character, however I feel they could've done so much more with her and perhaps gone a bit deeper. But nevertheless, the door has remained open for Habiba to return in the future, will you miss Habiba?! And what will this mean now for Iqra after her sister's warnings of the Panesar family?!

Back at the Slater household, Stacey is horrified to learn that Kush allowed Martin to take her children over to Ruby's club. She claims to everyone that Ruby is trying to take her children away from her. Kat and Kush are both trying to calm her down, but Stacey isn't having any of it, she goes upstairs to get herself changed out of her work clothes before heading over to the club. Meanwhile, Jack is back home and confiding in Denise about Callum approaching him earlier in the day. Denise is now worried that Jack hasn't been able to keep Phil at bay, worrying that he's now making threats after Jack warned him to stay away. As Jack tries his best to reassure his girlfriend that everything is going to be okay, they hear a knock at the door, Jack goes to answer and we can hear Phil at the front door claiming he wants to speak to Denise about Raymond, he insists that it's important and he's not going to leave until he gets to speak with her.

As daylight turns to night, Stacey has spruced herself up and is marching to the club. Suddenly the hooded figure that we saw earlier starts following her from behind. Stacey is oblivious to the unknown male following her. She reaches the club door and starts banging it to get Martin's attention, suddenly the hooded figure grabs her and attacks her violently, throwing her around like a piece of rubbish. Stacey is left badly shaken as she lies on the floor and the figure is stood above her as he takes a photo saying "If you want to play games, we'll play games!" - Has Ruby paid someone to attack Stacey? Or has this been a case of mistaken identity? Was this a warning for Kush possibly? Who knows? Will this hooded figure appear again?!

The final scene of tonight's episode is actually a brilliant one! At Jack and Denise's, Denise is stunned to hear what Phil is telling her. Shocked to hear the news about Ellie offering to sell Raymond to Phil! What makes it even better is Ritchie has also come along with Phil to prove that he is telling the truth, otherwise she wouldn't believe a word he was saying. But having someone who knows the ins and outs and back's Phil's news will also make Denise realise that her son is deep danger with Ellie. Phil informs her that Ellie was to blame for his parents death and the only way they can get Raymond away from her if she goes for full custody and Phil promises that he will pay for everything and be a silent partner and he'll help in any way he can to give his son a proper life with people who love him! I kind of hoped and knew that maybe Phil and Denise would join forces to get Raymond back!! I hope Denise will take Phil's word and start the fight for Raymond!

I apologise about this post being long and a bit late, I promise I will post another blog tomorrow following tonight's episode. With the way this one ended, I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next. I hope you all enjoy the rest of your evening and your weekend! Thanks again everyone! Love you all xXx

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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958

Who’s one person who changed how you viewed something? Gabie has left me a big life realization or two.

At what age do you feel like you grew up mentally/emotionally? Well I think at any age people don’t stop growing and learning, but at this point in my life I felt like I did a lot of growing up at 17 in particular. There were a lot of losses endured and big decisions that had to be made when I was that age.

Do you have any brothers? I have a brother. Singular.

Are you currently happy? No. It’s gonna take a while to get there again, if I ever do.

Who did you talk on the phone with last night? No one. Work was prrrrretty exhausting yesterday so I was passed out by 9 PM. Wasn’t really in the mood to talk to anyone either; I just wanted my bed.

Is anything bugging you right now? Ugh, yep.

Who is the last person you missed a call from? My mom. She always seems to call on the ultra rare occasions that I put my phone down, which almost never happens.

What annoys you most in a person? Probably those who come off as unapproachable and unpleasant right off the bat. I get people who can be quiet at first because I can be that way too, but there’s still a big difference between being shy and just plain unapproachable.

Have you changed this year? For sure. 2020 has been a big year so far in terms of life changes and I’ve been greatly affected by all of them.

What are you listening to right now? I can hear Rhett and Link trying weird kinds of fondue.

Are you talking to anyone tonight? I don’t think so. I prefer not to, though; I’m always so tired after work haha.

Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not at all. I feel relaxed going to the doctor because it means getting feedback on whatever condition or illness I’m having. I feel way more nervous for interviews or having to take calls HAHA

Whose bed did you sleep in last that wasn’t yours? My parents’, back when I was sick a few months ago. They had to look after me because I had felt super faint for a few days.

Are you a really understanding person? Yeah, very. I don’t know if it’s overall a good thing or not because historically, being understanding has made it easier for some people walk all over me. I don’t regret it though. It feels nice to be nice.

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Around 10. This work-from-home thing is pretty sweet; it’s a big relief no longer having to drive to the workplace and spend 4 hours in traffic everyday.

How many pillows do you like to sleep with? Two.

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night? Yeah once at midnight, another time at 3 AM. I fell back asleep easily though.

How are you feeling lately? Kinda annoyed at a miscommunication that someone else caused at work that led me to be wrongfully scolded; mostly relieved because I’ve done my tasks for now and I think I did a pretty good job. Also relieved because it’s lunch break which means I have time to take this survey.

How do you wear your hair most of the time? Down or in a lazy, low bun.

Think back to the end of last school year, who did you have feelings for? Gab.

In a relationship, do you think about the future, or now? I think of both. It’s not that hard.

Think back to the last person you kissed, did that person ever give you a piggy back ride? Yup, plenty. I’m half her weight so I’m easy to carry around.

Did you see your best friend today? I haven’t seen either in a while, no. Angela especially – I haven’t seen her since March.

Are you close to your father? Definitely closer to him than I am with my mom, but I wouldn’t call him a confidante or anything like that. He’s just more relatable and it’s easier to talk and open up to him. He also never scolds me, so there’s that.

Have you ever broken someone’s heart? It’s definitely possible. I’m sure I disappointed my mom a few times back when I was in my angsty-teenager-going-through-puberty phase, lol.

Where did you go today? The farthest I’ve gone is the kitchen to get myself brunch and coffee.

Where are you located right now? I’m in my bedroom, working on the floor because I find it more comfortable for the meantime.

What’s between you and the last person you texted? I dunno. It’s weird at the moment.

Could you go a month without talking to your best friend? I technically could, but it would be miserable.

What was the last piece of furniture you purchased? I didn’t purchase it myself, but my mom got me a new desk in my room.

Have you ever broken up with someone for a reason other than lack of feelings (ex. moving away, etc.)? Nope.

Has anyone ever told you that you are too picky when it comes to the people you date? What about not picky enough? Ugh, I’ve taken this survey before looooooool. I’m too far in it now though, so I guess I’ll just suck it up. I remember answering this by saying that as a demi I’m bound to be very picky, and that I’m alright with that.

When was the last time you went to a bar? Start of Feb, at Kiana’s friend’s boyfriend’s new bar. I feel bad for the dude for having his bar open mere weeks before a global pandemic blew up, but I’m glad to see that it’s still doing well with online orders and such.

What three things would you change about your life? I wish my internship would soon turn into a full-time position; I wish I was more stable and happier; I wish I had a few creative talents under my belt like cooking and knowing how to play at least one instrument.

Was there anything unusual or unique about your birth? I’m gonna retain my old answer and say that it’s my siblings who get to share weirder facts about their birth. My mom’s pregnancy with me went smoothly.

What has happened in the past week that is worth remembering in five years? Internship and other life things. September 2020 is a month to remember lol

How much of your day did you spend completely alone? For the last week or so I’ve been mostly alone since internship eats up my days. I show up to my family for dinner, but that’s about it.

What was the best conversation you’ve had recently? Angela giving me a pep talk the other day. I’ve been holed up by myself for the last few days, so it felt amazing to reach out to a friend.

What is the next book you are going to read? I’ll continue reading Midnight Sun, as slow as my progress is.

Describe the hardest decision you have ever made. I’m currently in the process of having to pick a big decision but I don’t feel like getting into it.

Why did you last see the doctor? I had a pesky fever that wasn’t going away and I was starting to get scared that it was either dengue or COVID altogether.

Post a recent picture of yourself. Eh, you’re not getting one today, survey.

How do you spend the majority of your free time? I like watching YouTube videos, doing surveys, reading articles, and playing with Cooper.

What do you want to accomplish tomorrow? Just hoping for more tasks to be handed to me so I can maximize my time in my internship.

List the cards in your wallet. Debit card, school ID, driver’s license, gas station card for perks, a couple of business cards, and a card listing down rights of media practitioners that was handed to us by the college’s student council a few years ago. As for the latter, that was when the political climate was a bit of a mess and when that happens, journalism practitioners and students are usually the main targets of the cops. We were given that card so we can protect ourselves just in case something shitty happened to any one of us.

What was the last thing to inspire you? The aforementioned pep talk given to me by Angela.

Who was the last person to do something nice for you? One of my superiors at work complimented me on the slides I worked on.

What was the lowest point of this year? The highest? Highest point would be pre-Covid days, which sucks because those were a lifetime ago. There has been a lot of low points.

Is there any artwork in the room you’re in? Yep.

What is your number one short-term goal? Long-term? Short-term is to do well in this internship, long-term is to work towards a career in a field that I’m into and happy in and let everything follow from there.

Are you dealing with anything difficult at the moment? Yes.

#survey #surveys

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babsxkean · 4 years ago

Text

the shadows & monsters

The house was awake, the shadows and monsters The hallways, they echoed and groaned

I sat alone, in bed till the morning I'm crying, "They're coming for me" And I tried to hold these secrets inside me My mind's like a deadly disease

I'm bigger than my body I'm colder than this home

who: barbara kean-gordon, featuring mentions of everett and elizabeth kean, barbara gordon & jim gordon

when: 1982 - present day

where: the kean family mansion, gotham

barbara kean reflects on her childhood as she visits her parents on june 6, 2020.

tw: murder, abuse, body image

It started when she was five years old.

My little piggy, her mother would say, if Babs finished her dessert, or if she caught the housekeeper making Babs a snack. She would pet Barbara’s hair and smile at her when she said it, but there was a glint in her eye that many children know perfectly well.

“You messed up, but I’m going to be patient,” that glint said. “You made a mistake. You know what you did, don’t you? You know it was wrong.”

And sometimes, when Babs left a few bites of mashed potatoes or pasta, or another empty carb, she would catch her mother smiling at her in a different way. A way that she saw far less often, one that meant Elizabeth Kean was pleased with her.

“Why don’t we go horseback riding tomorrow, Barbara?” Elizabeth would say then. Or shopping, or out for tea -- something that Babs would enjoy. On these outings, it was usually just Babs and Elizabeth, and her mother would hold her hand, and pay attention to her, and make her feel like she was, for once, a good girl.

But those afternoons never seemed to last very long. More often than not, by the time they got home, Babs had done something to make her mother angry: she had raised her voice in public, or cried when she tripped on the sidewalk in front of a store and scraped her knee, or spilled something on her dress. It was almost always down to Babs making a scene -- being an embarrassment, as Elizabeth would say, bent low so she could hiss the word in Barbara’s ear.

The punishment was severe and usually bizarre. Elizabeth would take away Babs’ posters, leaving her walls blank, a stark reminder that she didn’t deserve nice things, fun things that made her happy. She would discuss Babs with Everett as if Babs wasn’t even there, telling him what a disappointment she had been that day. After the nanny had tucked Babs in, Elizabeth would come in and kneel by the side of Barbara’s bed.

“You want us to love you, don’t you, darling?” she’d ask, and of course, Babs would nod. “We want to love you, too. But you make it very hard sometimes.”

At this, Babs would nod again. She was sure, even at that age, that she was difficult to love. Why else would things be this way? Her parents were smart and elegant and it seemed like they always knew the right thing to do, the right thing to say. Clearly the fault lay with her.

She tried so very hard to please them. Even by the time she realized that her home was no home, her family no family, she couldn’t shake the feeling that it was all her fault. Her parents treated her that way because she didn’t deserve for things to be better. If she was the perfect daughter they wanted, they would love her -- but she wasn’t, so they didn’t.

Once, when she was twelve, her mother took her by the shoulders and set her back to get a better look at her. “We better put Barbara on a diet, don’t you think, Everett?” she said. “She’s getting a little hippy.”

Her father, who had been sitting in an armchair reading a newspaper at the time, merely hummed in agreement. “Whatever you think is best, dear.”

Whatever Elizabeth Kean thought was best, it certainly wasn’t her daughter. Babs attended Gotham Academy and was near the top of her class -- but she wasn’t at the top. She was on student council and the cheerleading squad -- but she wasn’t the president, or the captain. She was pretty and popular -- but there was always a girl who was prettier, who was more popular. No matter how hard Babs tried, no matter what she accomplished, it wasn’t the best, and so it didn’t matter.

Of course, in the public eye, the Keans couldn’t get enough of their daughter. The three of them attended God knows how many galas and charity events and parties together, and Elizabeth would smile with her arm around Barbara’s shoulders as one fellow socialite or another would talk about how beautiful Babs was, how accomplished.

She was a prize then, a pet to be trotted out so everyone could see what a wonderful job Elizabeth and Everett Kean were doing raising their daughter. It wasn’t love, she knew that -- but it was the closest thing she had. And she lapped it up, even while she resented them for it.

And then when Barbara turned fifteen, she found someone who showed her what love actually was.

(There is an irony, she supposes now, that she lost all of them within such a short space -- the people who were supposed to love her, and never did; and the first person to love her for exactly who she was.)

Finding Jim was like having a veil pulled away from her eyes. She had always been able to see, but now, her vision was so much clearer. It wasn’t as though he magically taught her to love herself, or that he erased all the self-doubt and self-loathing she had carried with her for so long; but for the first time, she realized life didn’t have to be that way. There was a different path she could take, one toward something better.

She didn’t expect Elizabeth to support her when she told her about the baby -- she wasn’t surprised that Elizabeth wanted her to end the pregnancy, or that she kicked her out when she refused to do so. And yet she still cried, as any heartbroken child would when a parent hurts them. As if Elizabeth had ever done anything but hurt her.

Even when she left home, it was never really over. She and Jim would bring their daughter to see her grandparents sporadically -- Christmas of 1997, of 2003, of 2009, an erratic spattering of birthdays and other holidays. And every time Elizabeth saw Babs, she would smile, though it never reached her eyes, and she would clasp Barbara’s hands tightly in her own.

“What a beautiful dress that is, dear,” she said, on the last night Barbara ever saw her alive. “You almost look thin.”

She had left the gala because she had noticed her parents were gone, and she knew her daughter would want to know if they were okay. She told herself that any love she had once held for her parents was long gone, because it was easier that way; she didn’t do this out of any concern originating in her own heart. Or at least she insisted during the internal argument that took place as she drove to her old home.

The last thing she can clearly recall is letting herself in with the key that still lived on her keychain. She stepped into the foyer and closed the door behind her. After that, her recollection comes in bits and pieces, like autumn leaves caught in the eddying swirl of a river, flashing by too quickly for her to really get a good look.

The vast living room, empty but for the three of them, lit only by the moon.

The curtains framing the French doors, billowing in the June breeze.

Barbara’s own hand, gripping the doorframe to hold herself upright.

Her mother, slumped against her father.

Everett’s head bowed, as if he was asleep. Or praying.

Elizabeth had one hand turned up, like she was reaching out for Babs.

They were dead. They had, in the interest of being specific, been murdered.

She can’t remember precisely what happened next. Maybe Babs had started to scream at this point, or maybe she had rushed to them, as if a closer look would somehow help clarify or rectify the situation. Or maybe she just stood there, frozen, silent, waiting for the grief that never came.

There was shock, yes. Horror, even, at the murder of two human beings -- but it was a distant sort of horror, the type you would feel if you heard about a particularly violent crime on the news. It was terrible, tragic, that anyone had lost their lives this way. But it didn’t feel connected to her at all.

Her thoughts and feelings and memories come back to her at the police station, and now, she really wishes it hadn’t. It would have been better to remain numb.

#misc post: self para #misc post #murder tw #abuse tw #body image tw

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jjonassevilla · 5 years ago

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“What’s a good conversion rate for my landing page?” [New AI-Backed Research]

Imagine you’re an ecommerce business using landing pages to sell sweaters for miniature pigs. Recently, you’ve done a round of A/B testing—adding a little more oink to your calls to action, let’s say—and tweaked your social ad targeting to reach the hardcore piggy people on Instagram.

After all your optimization efforts, your landing pages now convert at 3.57%.

But actually…even if it’s a big improvement against your personal baseline, how do you know you should stop there? How do you know that your hard-earned conversion rate is worth celebrating? Heck, how would you even know if a 30% conversion rate is any good for pages in your industry? (Maybe everyone’s getting a fat return off of pig sweaters but you.)

It’s hard to be confident in the numbers when you don’t know how everybody else is doing. Doubt settles in. Maybe you’re missing out on reaching your conversion potential without even knowing it.

Well, we feel your pain. That’s why, at Unbounce, we’re on a continuing mission to answer the big question for you. It’s the one we hear time and again from our customers:

“What’s a good, bad, or average conversion rate for my landing pages?”

That’s where industry benchmarks come in—and that’s why we’re thrilled to bring you a fresh (and free) new version of our Conversion Benchmark Report.

Benchmarks can energize your digital marketing strategy in three big ways:

They’re a form of competitive intelligence. They help you identify gaps between your performance and what the rest of your industry considers to be a good conversion rate.

Our benchmarks reveal data-supported best practices, and you’ll waste less time and traffic testing unproven optimizations that our machine learning analysis shows don’t necessarily work.

They help you build a culture of continuous improvement in your organization. It’s harder for your marketing team to be happy with “just okay” if they’re seeing something to strive for.

Sure, some folks like to pooh-pooh industry benchmarking—“Why should I care how other marketers are converting? Why don’t I just focus on how I’m doing?”—but they’re your best window into what success really looks like. Going forward blindly, when you could have both eyes on the prize, is just silly. Oh, and these benchmarks were generated with help from an honest-to-goodness AI crunching millions of conversions, so the results are far more reliable than the anecdotal best practices often found online. As part of the Unbounce Conversion Intelligence approach to digital marketing, these machine-derived insights help you pair your hard-earned expertise with AI to create the highest-converting campaigns of your career.

Introducing the 2020 Conversion Benchmark Report

This year’s Conversion Benchmark Report uses machine learning to assist our data team in analyzing 186.9 million visits to 34,132 Unbounce-built landing pages. In terms of sample size, we analyzed more visits to these pages than the populations of Canada, Hong Kong, Mexico, Laos, and Ireland combined.

For full context, the previous (2017) version of this report was also built on machine learning insights, but in three years we’ve refined our approach to provide tons more real, proprietary customer data to feed the machine. Now we have even better, more reliable outputs—as well as a few new ways to break down our findings, like by conversion goal. (These are boundaries we’re going to keep pushing, too.)

But what kind of info does the report contain? For one thing, you’ll find median conversion rates broken down to 16 key industries. In many cases, we’ve got wide enough sample sizes to sort them into subcategories too, so you can see how your brother’s pest control service measures up against your sister’s HVAC company. (Or how your uncle’s cybersecurity software converts against your great aunt’s cloud accounting platform.)

The Conversion Benchmark Report includes 16 industries broken down into dozens of subcategories.

Why do we report on median instead of average (mean)? Our goal is to provide you with a realistic picture of where you stand, so this year’s report lists median conversion rates as our measure of central tendency instead of the mean. We found this reduces the impact of outliers (like pages that convert five times better than the rest) on the final benchmarks.

Not clear enough? Then imagine you want to find out, on average, how many eyes people have. The median tells us they have two eyes. According to the mean, though, they have slightly less than two. Because outliers (people with one or fewer eyes) bring that number down.

Both these measures are correct, but which one would you prefer to rely on if your business is selling sunglasses?

What if your industry doesn’t appear in the report? For this year’s report, we’ve tried to be even more representative. With machine learning helping us to sort thousands of landing pages in a logical way, we’ve increased the number of industries covered from 10 to 16, and we’ve even added subcategories whenever sample sizes allow.

If you still don’t see yourself represented, though, compare your conversion rates to industries with similar audiences and conversion goals. While we don’t actually recommend comparisons between very unrelated industries (except for fun), let your judgment be your guide.

A note on COVID-19. The conversion data in this report comes from 2019, so we realize it shows norms that have been disrupted for some vulnerable industries—like travel, events and leisure, restaurants, and medical practitioners. These benchmarks show what you can expect in stable periods, and they provide insights about how your visitors typically behave (and why they convert). We hope they’ll help you set up your digital campaigns for success—and inspire your rebound. If you face uncertainty, though, please also check out the COVID-19 Small Business Care Package for a roundup of useful resources to help lessen the impact on your business.

Below, I go into more detail about the findings and insights we’ve been able to pull from them. But if you’ve got an itchy mouse-finger, you can jump right into the Conversion Benchmark Report now. (It’ll open in a new tab.)

Going beyond the benchmarks

Benchmarks are tremendously helpful, for all the reasons I talked about above. (If you work for an agency, you know this already. They’re a baller way of showing the value of what you do—and helping clients determine their true conversion potential.)

How do I best communicate with my target audience?

In copywriting circles, the received wisdom is that clarity comes above all else. If you’re looking to put up the fewest hurdles possible between audience and offer, it can make sense to keep your vocabulary basic and your sentences tight and untangled.

Our data, however, complicates this equation. Is simple always better? Nope. It turns out that different industries tend to convert more often at different reading levels (and some see weaker relationships between conversion rates and readability than others).

There are even cases in which it’s good to sound sophisticated. B2B companies offering lead-gen consulting or instruction, for instance, appear to benefit from more challenging language. We see a drop in conversion rates as pages become easier to understand. (Frankly, that’s not what we expected.)

When it comes to reading ease, pages for lead-gen consultants appear to benefit from being harder to read.

Our machine learning analysis enabled us to look at copy from 34 thousand pages. Each page is assigned a Flesch reading ease score based on the average number of syllables per word and words per sentence. More syllables and more words means more…harder.

Here’s roughly how the scoring breaks down:

What’s the perf word length for my landing pages?

While it’s true that shorter pages tend to convert better, many industries have sweet spots that break the rule—which means, if you’re going to create a long-form landing page, you should go this long. This is especially true in the wild territories beyond 200 words, where unexpected correlations between length and conversion rate have led many a marketer astray.

At what length do landing pages for family services convert best? The graph provides answers.

Depending on your offer and industry, you may find that you need to use more words to get your point across, but graphs like the one above can let you know what’s ideal. For family services, that’s 300-500 words (if you can’t get it shorter than 150 words). For other industries, it can be more or less. Whatever the case, creating variants based on our findings can definitely be a good candidate for A/B testing or Smart Traffic.

What emotions might relate to better conversion rates?

You likely know in your gut that people’s feelings can impact their decision to buy, but which ones actually drive conversions on your landing pages? To find out, we ran an ML-powered sentiment analysis that looked at emotion-associated words that might relate to healthy conversion rates—and which might even be slowing you down.

(Spoiler: using trust words isn’t always advisable. “Trust us.”)

For SaaS, the concentration of anticipation words on a landing page correlates with its conversion rate.

When it comes to SaaS conversions, for instance, it turns out that language that conveys anticipation (words like gradual, highest, improve, and launch) sometimes correlates with better conversion rates. Or, to put it another way: as we find more of these words, we also often tend to see better conversion performance.

You can explore this example, and many others, in the report.

A good conversion rate is one you can improve upon.

When it comes down to brass tacks, all this benchmarking is valuable insofar as you can use it to build a better conversion machine from what you learn. How do you do it?

Explore the insights in this report. The report is broken down into 16 industries. How are your landing pages stacking up against the baseline? Are you way out ahead? Are you falling behind? Start with your industry, sure, but take a look at others too. There may be insights that are worth exploring outside your own arena.

Apply the data learnings to your own campaigns. Create a variant (or more than one variant) of your page that applies some of the insights we’ve provided. For example, you might dial down the jargon until you hit the optimal Flesch reading score. (You can use the free readability formula tool here to test it for yourself.)

Optimize and test. Keep in mind that data analysis reveals trends and tendencies rather than absolutes. You’re making informed decisions when you apply these learnings, but testing is still your best way to confirm. Run A/B tests or, if you’re short on the time or traffic to do so, just publish your variants and turn on Smart Traffic in the Unbounce Builder. It’ll use machine learning to automatically decide which variant is right for which visitors, and it’s otherwise hands-off. (If you’re looking for more ideas on how to build variants, I’d recommend this post from Garrett too.)

In short, this year’s report uses ML to identify opportunities you simply couldn’t spot without the processing power of a machine. Optimizing your pages doesn’t have to be aspirational. We believe this is the future of digital marketing—and, going forward, you’re going to see more and more efforts like this from Unbounce to help you enhance the skills you already have. (If you’re curious about what else we have planned, you can read more about our push to bring you Conversion Intelligence.)

Whether you sell pig sweaters, chicken harnesses, or something altogether more practical—are you confident enough to swagger into your next meeting, snap your suspenders, fire those finger-guns in your boss’s direction, and let everyone know about your team’s big win? “Soooooooo-ie!”

Take a gander at the 2020 Conversion Benchmark Report, and let us know what you think in the comments below.

from Marketing https://unbounce.com/conversion-rate-optimization/what-is-a-good-conversion-rate/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

#SEO

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