#Pax and Angela get out

[lyrictherobot]

You know what? 5am yap fest. I will yap about stuff because I wanna.

Tbh I think the way I got into Pressure is kinda funny!

Friend knows I like Doors a LOT

Friend is really into Pressure

Friend convinces me to play Pressure and tells me it's similar to Doors!

Friend talks about it a lot and how much he likes it in the process of trying to convince me to play it and tells me about how there's some attractive sassy fish man in it

Due to the lack of description of "attractive sassy fish man" I imagine some sort of fish man creature that has a man bun and large circular glasses. I was wrong, yes, but Sebastian would so rock that shit

I go into the game blind (which if you know me I will NEVER DO in a horror game because I am a CHICKEN) and play and get freaked the hell out.

I die and hear Sebastian's voice for the first time

I call his voice annoying and say he's only slightly less bad than Licorice Cookie

I play a few more times with friend while going in blind even though I am a scardy cat

I decide to Google everything about the game and how to play it and it's entities so I am able to properly play it without having so much anxiety that I explode

Friend starts telling me about his pressure ocs

I become more interested

Pax and Angela

I have constantly compared Curious Light to Sebastian and have had friends play a game to guess which line comes from which character and friends got more wrong than right. I stand by the stance of them being similarly sassy

I continue being interested in it but don't really super duper get into it. I am still normal. I have not gained the new hyperfixation of the century.

Another friend dms me

Friend wants to roleplay

I say sure, expecting to be asked to do CRK

She asks if I know Pressure

I say yes, I'm interested in it, but I am not super big in it and don't know a lot

She pleads for me to roleplay it

I oblige

I start roleplaying as Sebastian and pressure entities

It's going well

It's not too hard

I find it to be pretty fun actually, and find that I transitioned into it pretty well

I do lots of work to gain as much information about pressure and Sebastian and everything else as I can

It's fun

Suddenly trying to be such a good Sebastian backfires and I get fried and now he is the hyperfixation

Pressure is my new brain explosion

I feel like I am losing my mind

Is this what I felt like in 2020? I forgot what it feels like to be in a really large fandom that's really active its been 4 years

I can't stop thinking about this stupid fish and stupid computer

It's less funny when I type it out but eh

[texasobserver]

"Rule of Law" by Texas Observer Political Cartoonist Ben Sargent

Part of our coverage of the impeachment of Ken Paxton. To see more political cartoons from Ben Sargent, visit our Loon Star State section, or find Observer political reporting here.

Read more from the Observer:

Paxton, Acquitted: Politics Reporter Justin Miller outlines the prosecution’s many missed opportunities, a big campaign donation to a key Ken Paxton supporter, and more which may have led to the Attorney General getting acquitted on all 16 articles of impeachment against him. And how, even with all that, Paxton still isn’t out of hot water yet.

Angela Paxton’s Ties to a Shell Company: Justin Miller gets to the bottom of why K-Pax and his wife stopped over in Kosovo to promote a lobbyist-friend’s shadowy tech business.

Paxton is Burning: Correspondent Nancy Goldstein explains why the Texas Republican party turned, at least temporarily, against Ken Paxton after years of open corruption and abuse of power and the law.

#TexasNeedsAnObserver! Help us keep reporting ... membership starts at just 99 cents per month!

[talesfromlissom]

Omg it’s 11:00 pm time for dumbass MegOp Au ideas!!!

Alright so here me out. (I’m thinking TFA softbody looks btw)

Optimus, a.k.a Orion Pax, is the owner of a rundown diner on the outskirts of Los Iacon (Los Angelas, CA technically), all due to *somebody* Sentinel claiming that he stole recipes from his own restaurant. However, the diner still thrives. Not due to the money it gets from the customers, but because Orion is a renowned monster Hunter, under the name ‘Optimus Prime’. He’s been doing this shit for years. Running the family restaurant and keeping the barrier surrounding the city from falling so monsters don’t get in etc etc.

Megatron, a.k.a Montgomery Megatron, is the CEO of a large business, that mainly deals in arms trading and such. He has no interest in it but does it anyway. He’s only heard of monsters through stories and movies. He mainly uses his revenue to write poetry and books under the name 'PoK' or 'Prince of Kaon'.

The two of them meet, but Megatron keeps getting stood up by Optimus. Megatron, normally the kind of guy to just let them go, decides to figure out what the hell is going on and followed Optimus out on one of his ‘adventures’.

Optimus’ true identity is revealed, and the world of magic & monsters is as well.

oh, and some demon god or whatever wants to devour Megatron’s soul ig?? And OBVIOUSLY they fall in love.

[marmolady]

First batch of Catalyst grandkids!

Because I don't have Taylor and Estela's whole family for the rest of their lives mapped out or anything like that.... There's not, like, a whole other generation after this that I have in my head as well....

ANYWAY.

Samuel Pax Hall (b. August 2052) is Reggie's first child.

Kristel Delfina Zaal (b. September 2052) is his cousin, the daughter of Erin, but carried by Immy who had the role of surrogate. She's named after Quinn, who was one of Erin's idols growing up.

Angela Grace Hall (b. December 2053) is Reggie's middle child.

And the little ones have made an appearance in my art before. Sol Nicolas Montoya (August 2055) and Andromeda (Andi) Cinta Montoya (August 2055) are Liv and Jeimy's 'nearly' twins.

There are, I think, twelve more of this generation that exist in my head. They'll get faces to go with their names in due course.

[dillydedalus]

april reading

oh yeah this is a thing. anyway in april i read about uhhh.... first contact (twice), murderers on skis & victorian church politics

the yield, tara june winch a novel about indigenous australian identity and history (now and throughout the 20th century) in three narrative strands. imo the narrative strand that consists of a grandfather writing a dictionary of his language (wiradjuri) in order to prove a claim to some land is by far the strongest, but overall i liked this quite a lot. 3/5

land of big numbers, te-ping chen a solid short story collection focused on modern china and young(ish) chinese people, both in china and the diaspora. i particularly liked the stories that had some slighty surreal or speculative elements, such as one about fruit that strongly evoke emotions when eaten and a group of people stuck in a train station for months as the train is delayed, which imo use their speculative aspects in effective (if not super subtle) ways to talk about society. 3/5

the pear field, nana ekvtimishvili (tr. from georgian by elizabeth heighway) international booker prize longlist! a short, fairly depressing read about a 18-year-old girl at a post-soviet school for developmentally disabled childred (but also orphans, abandoned children & other random kids) who is trying to get a younger boy adopted by an american couple. there seem to be a lot of novels set at post-soviet orphanages etc & imo this is a well-executed example of the microgenre, with the pear field full of pears that are never picked bc they don’t taste right as a strong central image. 3/5

the warden, anthony trollope (chronicles of barsetshire #1) ah yes, a 6-part victorian series about church politics in an english town, exactly the kind of thing i’m interested in. not sure why i committed to at least the first two entries of the series but here we are. despite this lack of interest (and disagreement with most of the politics on display here) i found this quite charming; trollope has a gift for an amusing turn of phrase & making fun of his characters in benevolent ways. 3/5

the lesson, cadwell turnbull first contact scifi novel set on the virgin islands, where an alien ship arrives one day. the aliens seem benevolent & share helpful technology, but also react with extreme violence to any aggression. they claim to be on earth to study.... something, but it’s never entirely clear what. the book makes some interesting choices (like immediately skipping over the actual first contact to a few years in the future, when the aliens are already established on the islands) but i thought much of it was kinda disjointed and confusing. 2/5

the heart is a lonely hunter, carson mccullers look, i get it, it’s all about the isolation & alienation (& dare i say loneliness) of 4 miserable characters projecting their issues on the central character singer, who is kind and patient and also deaf and mute, thus making him the perfect receptacle for their issues without really having to connect with him as a person and how that isolation hinders them socially, artistically, emotionally, politically, but like... i didn’t really like it. i didn’t hate it but i just felt very meh about it all. 2.5/5

acht tage im mai: die letzte woche des dritten reiches, volker ulrich fascinating history book about the last week(ish) of the third reich, starting with the day of hitler’s suicide and ending with the total surrender (but with plenty of flashbacks and forwards), and looking at military&political leadership (german and allied) as well as prisoners of war, forced laborers, concentration camp prisoners, and everyone else. very interesting look at what kästner described as the “gap between the not-anymore and the not-yet.” 3.5/5

firekeeper’s daughter, angeline boulley) i’ve been mostly off the YA train for the last few years, but this was a really good example of contemporary YA with a focus on ~social issues. ANYWAY. this is YA crime novel about daunis, a mixed-race unenrolled ojibwe girl close to finishing high school who is struggling with family problems, university plans, and feeling caught between her white and her native familiy when her best friend is shot in front of her and she decides to become a CI for an fbi investigation into meth production in the community. i really appreciated how hard this went both with the broader social issues (racism, addiction) and daunis’ personal struggles. there are a few bits that felt a bit didactic & on the nose (and the romance... oh well), but overall the themes of community, family, and the value of living indigenous culture are really well done & i teared up several times. 4/5

the magic toyshop, angela carter i love carter’s short stories but struggle with (while still liking) her novels so far. this one, a tale of melanie, suddenly orphaned after trying on her mother’s wedding dress in the garden, coming of age and awakening to womanhood or whatever. carter’s really into that. it’s well-written, sensual as carter always is, and the family melanie and her siblings are sent to, her tyrannical puppet-maker uncle, his mute wife and the wife’s two brothers, both fascinating and offputting (& dirty) make for an interesting cast of characters, but overall i just wish i was reading the bloody chamber again. 3/5

barchester towers, anthony trollope (chronicles of barsetshire #2) (audio) lol tbh i still don’t know why i am committing to this series about, again, church politics in 19th century rural england, but it’s just so chill & warm & funny (we love gently or not so gently - but always politely - mocking our characters) that i’m enjoying it as a nice little trip where people do some #crazyschemes to gain church positions or fight over whether there should be songs in church or whatever it is people in the 19th century fought about. it’s very relaxing. there also is a lot of love quadrangleyness going on and that’s also fun. trollope has weird ideas about women but like whatever, i for one wish mrs proudie much joy of her position as defacto bishop of barchester, she really girlbossed her way to the top. 3.5/5

semiosis, sue burke (semiosis #1) i love spinning the wheel on the “first contact with X weird alien species” & i guess this time we landed on plants! plant intelligence is interesting and the idea of plant warfare is really cool. i do like the structure, with different generations of human settlers on the planet pax providing a long-term view but this allows the author to skip over a lot of the development of the relationship between the settlers and the plant and locating the plot elsewhere, which i think is ultimately a mistake. i might continue w/ the series tho, depending on library availability. 2.5/5

one by one, ruth ware a bunch of start-up people go on a corporate retreat to a ski chalet in the alps, avalanche warning goes up, one of them disappears, presumably on a black piste, the rest get snowed in & completely cut off when the avalanche hits and then they get picked off *title drop* (altho really not that many of them). nice fluff when i had a miserable cold (not covid) but fails when it tries to go for deeper themes... like an attempt to address classism and entitlement sure... was made. also like what kind of luxury skiing chalet does not have emergency communication devices in case internet/phone lines are down...  i’d have sued just for that. 2/5

fake accounts, lauren oyler the microgenre of ‘alienated intellectual(ish) probably anglophone person has some sort of crisis, goes to berlin about it’ is my ultimate literary weakness - i almost never really like them, they mostly irritate me & yet i can never resist their siren call. this one is p strong on the irritation, altho at least the narrator does not ascribe much meaning to her decision to go to berlin after she a) discovers her boyf is an online conspiracy theorist (probably not sincerely) and b) gets a call that said boyf has died, it’s really just something to do to avoid doing anything else. but other than that it’s so BerlinExpat by the numbers, like she lives in kreuzkölln! put her somewhere else at least! there is one scene that elevates the BerlinExpat-ness of it all (narrator asks expatfriend for advice on visa applications, expatfriend assures her that it’s really easy for americans to get visa, adds “especially now” while literally, as the narrator remarks, gesturing at the falafel she’s eating) other than that, the novel is.... fine. it’s smart, but not really as smart as it thinks it is, which is a problem bc it thinks it’s just sooo incisive. whatever. 2/5

the tenant of wildfell hall, anne bronte this is reductive but: jane eyre: i could fix him // wuthering heights: i could make him worse // wildfell hall: lmao i’m gonna leave his ass anyway i enjoyed the part that is actually narrated by the titular tenant of wildfell hall, helen (which thankfully, i think, is most of it) because the perspective of a woman who runs away from her abusive alcoholic of a husband is genuinely interesting and engaging, while gilbert, the frame story narrator who falls in love with helen, is.... the worst. i mean he’s not the worst bc the abusive husband arthur is there and hard to beat in terms of worseness, but he’s pretty fucking bad. imagine if helen had found out that gilbert attacked her secret brother over a misunderstanding, severely injured him & LEFT HIM TO DIE & then (when dude survived & the misunderstanding got cleared up) apologised like well i guess i didn’t treat you quite right! she’d have to run away from her second husband as well! poor girl. 3/5

[bitcofun]

This is a viewpoint editorial by Ray Youssef, CEO of Paxful and cofounder of the Built With Bitcoin Foundation. Global wealth inequality is growing worldwide. With inflation, dispute and the pandemic requiring lots of into severe hardship, the leading 1% are building up more power than ever in the past-- recording almost 20 times more worldwide wealth than the bottom 50% And the increase of inflation is including more fuel to the fire, with U.S. numbers increasing to 9.1% While we are all feeling its impacts, numerous state lower earnings homes are feeling it the most, with tight budget plans getting struck by the increase of lease, gas and total living expenses. While bitcoin is not a silver bullet, it's a strong service for reducing the wealth space and unlocking to monetary addition where fiat has actually stopped working. Global remittances are among the most essential income sources for the emerging markets, however couple of cash transfer business exist that adhere to regional guidelines. This requires individuals into utilizing business that charge greater charges and puts less cash into the pockets of individuals who require it most. Bitcoin repairs this, offering a much better option to the method individuals send out cash with lower costs, faster speed and gain access to for the unbanked. In El Salvador, where bitcoin is legal tender, it is approximated that cash company will lose $400 million a year in commissions for remittances. Individuals all around the world utilize the Bitcoin network to send out cash abroad in peer-to-peer style, no longer needing to pay third-party costs to send out cash to household. Take Angela Cunha, for instance, a Paxful user in Brazil. Angela moves bitcoin to and from her member of the family in the U.S.and with bitcoin, she has the ability to negotiate rapidly and prevent costly remittance charges. The function of wealth in politics has likewise end up being a crucial concern, as the effective couple of control much of the choices that impact our monetary wellness. When a nation chooses to decrease the value of or demonetize a currency, as we've seen in nations like China, Venezuela and Zimbabwe, this can put a whole population into hardship within weeks or days. Decreasing the value of a country's currency not just injures the residents of the nation, however has a causal sequence around the world, triggering markets to fall or requiring numerous into an economic crisis. For individuals pestered by run-away inflation, bitcoin functions as a shop of worth. With just 21 million bitcoin that can ever be mined, it is a strong option for those looking for wealth conservation. Narrowing in on Africa, earnings inequality is extensive throughout the continent. Current reports reveal that majority of the world's most unequal nations remain in sub-Saharan Africa Driving the wealth space are 3 primary locations-- education, financing and land-- all of which lots of absence access to. That's why we're dedicated to increasing education on the continent through school trips, occasions and the opening of the PaxNaija academic center in Nigeria. We've seen from our deal with the ground that Africans are entrepreneurial, wise and resourceful-- with the right tools, they can adjust to anything that is tossed their method. If you wish to assist get more individuals out of hardship, they require access to sound cash-- and there's absolutely nothing sounder in my mind than bitcoin. While numerous still concentrate on bitcoin as a speculative property, specifically throughout the current drop in cost, it's essential we stay concentrated on bitcoin's genuine everyday usage cases. Bitcoin can offer monetary liberty and provide chance for those looking for an escape from centralized systems and corrupt federal governments. To accomplish monetary equality, all of us require to begin taking a look at bitcoin through a brand-new lens. This is simply the starting my buddies-- we are just scratching the

surface area-- and with bitcoin, it's my belief that regardless of the present outlook, the next years will bring even higher modification for the much better. This is a visitor post by Ray Youssef. Viewpoints revealed are completely their own and do not always show those of BTC Inc. or Bitcoin Magazine. Read More

[jpswan]

Paxton listened to her words. A small sad smile tugged at her lips at the mention of Renee basically erasing any trace of Bella in their home. She knew if she left Charlie the man wouldn’t change a thing. Their house in general had barely changed since Renee and Bella had left. Charlie was a creature of habit and wasn’t normally a fan of change. Paxton’s room would stay exactly how it was, if anything he would add small things; more comics or book he thought Pax would like or maybe a new vinyl record. “If she packed up your things…” Paxton chewed on her lower lip some gathering the courage to finish her thought, “Maybe we could get her to send something so you have them. Dad didn’t really know what to do with your room, but he tried.”

“It could just be your perspective. We all experience the same things but we each react differently to them based on our perspectives. Maybe this time you’ll come to enjoy the rain?” It was a hopeful idea. One she hoped was true. “I don’t want you completely miserable here. And if the rain is too much we could get you a stereo or find music to get on your phone so you don’t hear it as much.” Paxton watched Bella eye the photographs. She stood up and unpinned a photo of her and Angela, “This is Angela…the photographer,” She moved to offer it to Bella. “She’s one of my best friends. The least judgmental person you’ll ever meet.” Without conscience thought the Swan smiled. “I think you’ll like her. It’s kinda hard not too.” She joked.

Paxton nodded slowly at her last words, “I’ve been very lucky to have Charlie. He’s socially awkward yeah, but he always listens when I need him to and he truly cares about me no matter what. You’ll find that out…he loves you even if we haven’t all been together. He never stopped.”

PAXTON SWAN

“Some, but not all of them.” Paxton tried to reason. Her negative feelings were aimed not only at Bella and Renee, but also herself. The ones for herself were a labyrinth; feelings of not being enough, of not doing enough, of just…not enough on different levels. Anxiety and depression were a bitch like that. Eventually, Pax had simply focused on the outward factors and run with them. Having Bella in front of her though it made her realizing giving you had added to the issues they now faced. “What’s happened, happened. If we dwell on it and feed the negative it will only get worse. Does part of me want to be selfish and hang on to it? Yeah. I was being petty maybe when I let dad come get you on his own. I’ll admit that. But this was also a sudden change I wasn’t emotionally ready for. Things here are usually a steady constant. The only changes I’ve ever had to deal with are ones I cause for myself.”

Maybe it was a control thing, having to be the one to initiate change, positive or negative. Paxton wasn’t sure. The teen was always onboard for a change of plans that happened in an instant or other minor changes in her life. But the changes happened with people she trusted. Bella’s decision to move here hadn’t even been discussed with Paxton, she had simply been told. She took a breath to refocus out of her thoughts and shook Bella’s hand. A chuckle passed her lips at her twin’s words, “There’s a reason I go by Paxton instead of Josefina. Don’t have a clue what they were thinking when they named us.” She joked, her eyes becoming more blue as the tension slightly faded from the room.

She let Bella’s hand drop before she motioned to the bed if Bella wanted to sit as she moved back toward the computer chair, “I haven’t ever been anywhere with a different climate. This is all I’ve know.” She glanced over her shoulder to above her desk that had a bulletin board filled with photographs; some of La Push with Leah, some from all around Forks with Ang, Charlie, or her other friends, and then some that were just different landscape shots. “My friend Angela is a photographer or well she wants to be. Some weekends we’ll just go out, explore around and see what we can find. It’s beautiful if you know where to look.” She looked back at her sister. “Being out here—free from overwhelming population numbers and packed buildings…it’s good for my soul, my head.” Another half shrug, “The rain calms me. The beat or rhythm of it helps me focus and center myself. And the days we do have sun feels like a recharge. Summer months aren’t too bad here. It gets warm enough to swim or go riding. In short, it’s home.”

a faint blush started to blot her fair cheeks as she listened to her sisters words. she supposed she had deserved to hear the truth - no matter if the words stung ever so slightly. for most of her life, bella had been living in her own little bubble, wrapped up in herself and renee - sometimes it had been more like raising renee than the other way around. but bella wasn’t sure if paxton would understand that - after all, paxton hadn’t been exposed to renee’s ways like she had been. it had shaped bella in the deepest of ways - she had grown up when she was still a child, learning to take care of herself, and caring for renee as well. it had forced everyone else to the back of bella’s priority list, until the list had become so ripped and torn that only the pair remained on it.

“i suppose you’re right. dwelling on the past has never made the world magically change. the only thing left to do is move forward.” bella slowly inched her way towards paxton’s bed, before sitting gingerly at the edge, her hands creeping over the fabric, taking in the feel. “you know, i bet renee will have my room changed into something else before the week is over. no traces of me left behind. as it was, before we left for the airport, she made me help her squeeze my bed and everything i didn’t bring into the garage.” she laughed a dry laugh, a sudden mixture of feelings temporarily taking over - happiness at the thought of her mother, sadness at the thought of her mother, disappointment that her stuff was already out of her old room, frustration. but they dissipated soon enough, and her eyes soon moved to the bulletin board her sister was talking about. some of the photographs were really good, she noted. she was shocked that some of those photographs had been taken in forks, or even in the state. but she wasn’t ready to accept defeat over her sourness at the weather - not yet.

“i remember the rain here. it’s not….. consistent enough for me. the sound always drove me nuts when i was here - i never could sleep through it. it’s nothing like the sound of the rain back home…” her eyes refocused on the bulletin board, taking in every face she saw on there, wondering who everyone was. “your photographer friend, she has talent….” a pause. “i’m glad it’s good for you here… i’m glad you and charlie had each other. less lonely…”

[zmbkl]

Nano 19

Hello everyone,

 It’s been a while. I tried to keep this journal up for the whole month of November, but I fell off for a bit near the end. I got caught up with a bunch of work stress, but I’m back. I think I’m going to try to either finish this up to thirty (for the whole Nano goal), or I’ll keep this as less frequent permanent thing. I dunno we’ll see.

 I think I left off on Monday. Tuesday was the start of my work stress. We had a surprise audit at work. I’m in quality control and my boss speaks very little English. Randy and I had to take the lead on the audit. Mr. Nakamura came upstairs early that morning to tell me he was taking his wife to the hospital, so he needed to leave early today. Fine no problem. He comes back up thirty minutes later to tell me that a surprise auditor just showed up. That’s when I hear that I will be leading the audit. I have about a year’s worth of experience. I know how to do my job, but I still have a lot to learn. I don’t think I was as prepared as I could have been.

 Her name was Trisha, and she told me she needed to go inside production within thirty minutes of her arriving. I imagine this is to prevent us from doing major clean up. Fine, we didn’t really need to do anything major. We had been expecting her, but she was supposed to come between now and the New Year. She came near the beginning of the time frame. I wasn’t too worried. I won’t bore you with the details. She found eleven violations. It sucked, but it wasn’t that bad. They were all minor violations. One of the more BS violations was that we had our garden hose nozzle on the ground. We don’t use it for any food areas or for sanitary reasons. It’s meant to wash away spills from sucrose and soy sauce takers. Sometimes they leak on the parking lot and I wash it away. One of the bigger blunders was understandable. I remembered we had bad bags of salt in the tanker room. My boss wanted to recycle them and use them for the boiler. He uses the salt for something involving hard water and the boiler I’m not too sure. I thought maybe we should hide those. I told Mr. Okano to go hide them. He agreed and he disappeared. When we got to the tanker room they were gone. I was surprised he did it so fast but whatever. I saw him open the exit door for a second and the bags were sitting outside. Mr. Sugino, who probably didn’t know where Okano hid them, said we should head outside next. I knew this wasn’t going to be good. She found them and I cringed the whole time Okano tried to explain why we had product sitting in the parking lot. It was still a minor but it was embarrassing.

 Next we did the desk audit. This was her going through records. It bled into the next day. This was a two day audit. The desk audit went terribly too. She would asked for a document, I’d no idea what she was talking about, she’d explain the purpose of the document, and we would usually have it under a different name. We only didn’t have two of the documents, so we racked up two more minor violations. My boss, Nakamura, was not much help. He didn’t understand the auditor and the translator, Sugino, kept leaving to do his regular job. He is the production manager, and takes all the calls because his English is great. I busted out Google translate and tried to keep Nakamura up to date. Randy was the bigger help. He had a lot of the documents, and when he didn’t he’d stall and make it up on the fly. We ended the audit with thirteen minor violations. Last year we got twelve, so it wasn’t that bad. It was out of 255. We got a grade of, “Good.” there are only three levels and a fail. Excellent, good and conform. We were never going to get an, “Excellent.’ The auditor told me that since the Japanese QC managers change every five years or so, we don’t stand a chance. She said the only people who get excellent have QC managers with twenty years of experience at the same facility. This was Nakamura’s and my first year, so I’m glad we didn’t do much worse than last year. It’s an SQF audit so if anyone wants to look us up they can. It’s a public score that customers can use to get an idea of our factory’s quality. It’s our most difficult audit we do, so I’m happy it’s over. I worked for twelve hours on Tuesday and ten hours on Wednesday. The next two days, I worked on our corrective actions and submitted them to all the managers in the factory.

 I was really stressed out from it and I wasn’t shy telling my coworkers. Julie said she would buy me a cake when it was over. She didn’t but she does enough for me anyway so I didn’t hold her to it. The COO stopped me and asked me how it was going. I jokingly made a finger gun and shot myself in the neck. I quickly realized I shouldn’t make jokes like that to the COO. Especially at a Japanese company, there is a respect that is sort of required for higher ranked people. I took it back, apologized and said it was going fine. I don’t know if Kurosaki forgave me, but whatever. He’ the COO, but he has very little involvement in my day to day. It’s almost all done. I have to work on the corrections next week. Nakamura wants us to submit them to SQF by Friday. That’s going to be easy.

 My DnD session got cancelled this week. One of my players needed the time for school work. I ended up being lazy most of the week. On Friday, I went to Kosuke’s house and hung out with his wife, Akiko, and Angela. It was Angela’s last day. We had dinner with Kosuke, and chatted. Angela has a booth at Sac-Anime. I’ll see her there if we don’t hang out before that. I spent the rest of the week being lazy. I got my oil changed and laundry put away, but nothing other than that. I’ll try to make better steps to be healthier and be more present. But last week was stressful so I gave myself a pass.

 Alia and I went to LA yesterday. I saw that one of our favorite Youtubers, Jesse Cox, was doing a meet up at a Dave and Busters. I found a hotel with a Jacuzzi tube in the hotel. Alia said she has always wanted to go to a hotel with one of those, so it was an easy sell. We brought a couple of bath bombs and relaxed in LA. The trip was about six hours. We split the driving up between the two of us. We Ubered to the event. Jesse paid for all the games. I think we played like $200 worth of games between the two of us. Jesse got a stack of 100 coin cards and passed them out. His intern kept handing us new ones after we finished. I think he prepared for more people. He paid for food, dessert and drinks. It was super generous of him. He collected all the cards at the end of the night and bought a coffee maker and poop emoji pillow with the tickets the group won. I got to meet a bunch of the other Youtubers he works with. “The Warpzone” guys and Jirard, “The Completioneist.” I got to talk to Jirard about the stress of working on Youtube, and his lawsuit. His old partner is suing him for firing him. He fired him for money reasons and it didn’t go well. I got to talk to Davis from,”The Warpzone.” We talked about my wedding and he told me I should come to PAX in Texas. I really want to but we will see. It was a great night. It was defiantly worth the drive.

 We are heading back now. Alia is driving and I am typing this in the car. It was a good vacation and I’m excited to get back to work tomorrow. I’ll talk to you guys later.

[jpswan]

“Some, but not all of them.” Paxton tried to reason. Her negative feelings were aimed not only at Bella and Renee, but also herself. The ones for herself were a labyrinth; feelings of not being enough, of not doing enough, of just…not enough on different levels. Anxiety and depression were a bitch like that. Eventually, Pax had simply focused on the outward factors and run with them. Having Bella in front of her though it made her realizing giving you had added to the issues they now faced. “What’s happened, happened. If we dwell on it and feed the negative it will only get worse. Does part of me want to be selfish and hang on to it? Yeah. I was being petty maybe when I let dad come get you on his own. I’ll admit that. But this was also a sudden change I wasn’t emotionally ready for. Things here are usually a steady constant. The only changes I’ve ever had to deal with are ones I cause for myself.”

Maybe it was a control thing, having to be the one to initiate change, positive or negative. Paxton wasn’t sure. The teen was always onboard for a change of plans that happened in an instant or other minor changes in her life. But the changes happened with people she trusted. Bella’s decision to move here hadn’t even been discussed with Paxton, she had simply been told. She took a breath to refocus out of her thoughts and shook Bella’s hand. A chuckle passed her lips at her twin’s words, “There’s a reason I go by Paxton instead of Josefina. Don’t have a clue what they were thinking when they named us.” She joked, her eyes becoming more blue as the tension slightly faded from the room.

She let Bella’s hand drop before she motioned to the bed if Bella wanted to sit as she moved back toward the computer chair, “I haven’t ever been anywhere with a different climate. This is all I’ve know.” She glanced over her shoulder to above her desk that had a bulletin board filled with photographs; some of La Push with Leah, some from all around Forks with Ang, Charlie, or her other friends, and then some that were just different landscape shots. “My friend Angela is a photographer or well she wants to be. Some weekends we’ll just go out, explore around and see what we can find. It’s beautiful if you know where to look.” She looked back at her sister. “Being out here—free from overwhelming population numbers and packed buildings…it’s good for my soul, my head.” Another half shrug, “The rain calms me. The beat or rhythm of it helps me focus and center myself. And the days we do have sun feels like a recharge. Summer months aren’t too bad here. It gets warm enough to swim or go riding. In short, it’s home.”

PAXTON SWAN

Paxton watched her twin’s eyes as they took in her room. Part of her felt a millisecond of guilt for not doing more in Bella’s room, but it was quickly erased. She wouldn’t have known what to put in the room, didn’t know the other well enough to even attempt to make it feel more like home. She did also note the way Bella seemed to be chewing on her lower lip, “If you want to come in more you can…” The words less guarded, but still distant. She turned her computer chair more and opened her body language as much as her anxiety would let her.

The words took a moment to process, to realize she’d been somewhat right on why Bella really was here. It almost surprised Paxton at the small pain that went through her chest. Bella was here to make Renee’s life better, no other reason than that. Logically Pax had known that and even understood it. She’d do it for Charlie if it was ever needed. “I figured it was something like that,” If Bella is going to be honest so could she. “Forks is a required taste for most; the constant rain, small town vibes…it’s not somewhere people flock to live.” A half shrug as Paxton tried to relax back into her chair more. “I also didn’t think you’d been missing Charlie enough to make a drastic life change.” Her words weren’t as sharp as her thoughts about the topic had been. She didn’t include herself in that statement because she knew she didn’t have too.

Greg-blues glanced to the floor, “Miserable is a strong word.” Sure, her anxiety and mental status had been in a whirlwind since hearing the news—she’d made herself miserable really. But that didn’t mean it had to continue. “It feels that way though,” Again she rubbed the back of her neck, head tilted slightly. “I can’t blame you for my own feelings, even if it would be easier to do that.” Paxton looked back up toward Bella. “We’ve had separate lives, experiences…I don’t know you at all and you don’t know me.” Her jaw twitched as she tried to ground her thoughts. “But maybe with time,” Paxton repeated her words with a nod.

“Baby steps. Maybe start without the expectation of being siblings?” Paxton stood from her chair, hand extended toward Bella. “I’m Paxton, my friends call me Pax.”

heat flowed through bella’s face, a pink blush settling into her features as she realized she had been caught in her nosy state. the only saving grace was that paxton didn’t seem very angry over the fact, otherwise she would be a mortified red. very slowly, bella inched her way forward into paxton’s room. she couldn’t help but feel like she was intruding on paxton’s space – and worse than that – on paxton’s peace and sanctuary. it suddenly occurred to her that she hadn’t known her twin had an interest in music, and she hadn’t known her twin could play any instruments, either.

silently, bella let these growing thoughts simmer in the back of her mind as she listened to paxton’s words. though there was distance in both of their tones, bella noted that her twin sounded slightly different in person than over the phone – or maybe it was bella’s own ears that the difference came from – she was almost ashamed to admit to herself that every time she spoken with her twin on the phone, her mind was elsewhere – thinking of what to make for dinner, thinking of her homework, or wondering where renee was going to drag her off to on the next weekend. she had, she realized, never given an honest effort to be a good sister to paxton, or a good daughter to charlie. it had never seemed important to her before – she went with what her mother had chosen and never thought twice about it.

“i think … some of those feelings may be warranted after all, though.” she shrugged her shoulders lightly. it was a hard truth to realize, but it wasn’t entirely her fault, either. the blame was shared on many shoulders – in her mind, at least. but she still managed the tiniest of grins as she reached out, took her twin’s hand lightly in her own, and shook it. “i’m isabella. but i will happily kill anyone who calls me by that instead of bella.” her eyes alighted with silent laughter – shocking even herself – but she hoped it would help lighten the tension. she dropped paxton’s hand, letting more of her thoughts slip between her lips. they were trivial words, but something bella was very, strangely, bitter about – though she managed to keep that bitterness out of her voice.

“it’s too green here.” she sheepishly looked paxton in the face. “how do you stand it being so cold and wet? i’m already craving the sun…”