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universitypenguin · 1 year ago

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Chapter 16

Summary: Lloyd finally gets his man and Princess has a close call.

Word Count: 3,596

Masterlist

Warnings: Mention of violence, murder, legal proceedings, corruption, bombing, stalking, and discussion of criminal behavior and drug trafficking. Minor foul language. Only appropriate for 18+ readers. No minors.

Chapter 16

After completing Zach’s errand, you found yourselves at the Emerald Harp, a cozy Irish bar in West Falls Church. You sat on opposite sides of the booth, an empty table between you as the bus boy carried away your plates. The dim overhead light cast shadows on Zach’s face.

Your drinks arrived and an uneasy silence thickened the air. Zach’s mood was palpable and annoyance radiated from him like a glow.

He took a sip of his beer and scowled.

“So, Princess. How’s life been treating you lately? Anything interesting going on?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary. Work, traveling with Lloyd, spending time with my family… the usual. Why do you ask?”

Zach arched an eyebrow. “Really? How’s Aiden? Have you talked to him since the breakup?”

You sucked in a deep breath. “I… Well, he’s my ex. Dragging up the past isn’t healthy, and honestly, what’s there to say?”

Zach leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. His expression was concerned, but his voice echoed with frustration.

“Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m aware of the texts, the note he left on your car, and even the visit you paid him last night. What I want to know is why I had to find out on my own instead of hearing it from you."

You flinched. "I'm sorry, Zach. I didn't tell you because I knew you'd feel obligated to tell Lloyd, and that would set him off. Then, when I had finally decided to speak up, his father passed away, and I didn't want to burden either of you.”

Zach sighed.

"And honestly... until a few days ago, I thought I could handle it myself."

"Handle it yourself? Why? We're on the same team here, Princess. You're involved with Lloyd, of course he'd want to help. Hell, if I’d known, I would've gone after him myself."

Your stomach churned at his last statement.

Lloyd's anger was an inferno that crackled and roared, consuming everything in its path and leaving an ugly trail of ash behind. Zach's anger was different. His outbursts weren't volcanic like Lloyd's. They resembled a deadly winter storm system that swept in with an icy blast and lingered for months. His frigid rage tore through everything, like the slow advance of a glacier as it carved new valleys into the earth.

"I'm mostly pissed off that I had to find out on my own. That you went to Jake first," Zach said.

"I didn't want to believe it was real. I knew Aiden had been fired and, initially, it felt like he was just redirecting his anger toward me. Being in Singapore with Lloyd when I figured out what was going on made it easier to dismiss his behavior and feel… safe.”

Safe because of Lloyd. His presence had created a shield against the threats. It was only when that barrier was removed that you fully grasped the gravity of the situation.

"I apologize for lying to you Friday, it was wrong. I didn't want to worry you."

Leaning back, Zach shifted his weight and stretched his long legs under the table.

"I care about you, and Lloyd cares about you. That's why we're upset."

"We?" you asked, your eyes widening.

"No, listen, I haven't told Lloyd. You can count on me to be absent during that conversation. But good luck dealing with him after he finds out.”

Your lips twisted. "I know. I’ll tell him when he gets back."

Zach nodded and took another sip of beer.

"Jake mentioned giving you a self-defense lesson. Have you had any prior training?"

"A little. Why?"

"Just thinking ahead. The most effective self-defense training is rooted in experience, the kind that gets your adrenaline pumping. Lloyd would go ballistic if he knew what I'm about to suggest, but you need more realistic training, not just the padded-mat stuff in his basement - actual hand-to-hand combat."

His description triggered a wave of nausea that twisted your belly. The physical aspect of investigations wasn't something you aspired to. You saw yourself more as an armchair sleuth than a field agent.

"We're here for you, Princess, no matter what, but I’m angry you kept this hidden. We could have helped you with Aiden."

Tears welled in your eyes.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause any harm, and it wasn't a lack of trust, I swear. At first, I thought I could make it all go away. We had a lot to do on the case, and then things got complicated with Lloyd's father passing. I didn't want to divert anyone’s attention."

Zach chuckled, raising his beer in a toast.

"Don’t worry. Peter Shaw has injected far more distraction into this case than you."

You sighed. "Fair point. Thanks, Zach. That actually made me feel better."

He reached across the table and took your hand.

"I pulled a copy of the police report from Jake's hard drive. I have to say, this isn’t the kind of shit I would’ve expected from Aiden. He struck me as passive-aggressive, with an emphasis on passive."

You nodded. "That's why I didn’t put things together sooner. I blamed my little brother for the prank call and then my phone kept having connection problems in Singapore, which is when the texts started. It was days before I realized I was being harassed."

"Tell me about the prank phone call.”

As you recounted the details, Zach listened intently.

"He said, 'Never say "who's there?" It's a death wish.' Quoting the original Scream movie?"

"Yeah."

"That came out in ‘96. Seems a bit dated for Aiden's taste, don't you think?"

You shrugged. "I don't know."

"Does he like classic horror movies?"

"I don't know."

"Princess, you dated the guy for months."

"I was more interested in his physical attributes than his opinions on cinema."

Zach rolled his eyes.

"Hey. I was attracted to him before I found out he was a creep!"

"He’s built like a stick figure."

"He looks like Andrew Garfield and Eddie Redmayne had a love child," you defended.

"How can you be attracted to two men who are such polar opposites? Lloyd's bicep is the same size as Aiden's thigh."

You turned up your nose. "That's so narrow-minded. I appreciate a wide variety of men and from the female perspective, attractiveness is mostly about behavior."

Zach grunted. "I'm aware of the last part, but in my experience, there’s a clear division between women who go for Timothee Chalamet and the ones who are into Henry Cavill. That's how far apart Aiden and Lloyd are, physically speaking."

"That’s an interesting theory. You know, my primary interest in starting a relationship with both of them was physical-"

"Look at the time!" Zach exclaimed. "It's late. We should head out."

"Really? I thought we were having a fun girl talk."

"Have your girl talk with Jen. I don't want to hear about it," Zach said firmly.

He left cash on the table and you followed him through the maze of tables.

"Why does this make you uncomfortable? You and Lloyd discuss your sex lives all the time. Since my sex life is with Lloyd, and you'll hear about it from him-”

"Nope. No way. We've stopped talking about our sex lives," Zach interrupted.

"Is it because we're friends? Or because Lloyd feels awkward about our age difference? Or maybe it's the whole office romance thing?"

"It's all the above," Zach said, holding the door open for you.

"So, Lloyd does feel awkward about our age difference?"

"I'm not sure, but I do," Zach admitted.

Your brow furrowed, and he rushed to clarify.

"Don’t get me wrong, I’ve teased him by acting interested in you, but it was just to get a rise out of him. He’s so territorial where you’re concerned - it’s hilarious. But I see you more like a little sister or something. Lloyd gets that, so he doesn’t share details. I'm fine with you two sleeping together but that's as far as it goes. I'd rather have my fingernails ripped off than hear the specifics."

"Oh, okay. That's sweet," you said, linking your arm through his.

He snorted and slowed his stride to match yours.

"I knew you two would get together eventually. The chemistry was too strong to ignore. Plus, you get along with that rattlesnake better than anyone I've ever met. As far as I'm concerned, Lloyd should be rushing to the jeweler's and locking this down before you come to your senses."

You giggled. "Aw, I always knew you were a romantic at heart, Zach."

He grinned, teeth flashing under the streetlights. "It's probably just your influence, softening me up."

"Well, since I've managed to get Lloyd to play nice in the sandbox, I'm looking for my next project."

"Oh, no you don't. I refuse to be your Eliza Doolittle," Zach said.

"The fact that you know who Eliza Doolittle is has just removed you from my pool of potential candidates," you replied.

He suggested you watch "Roman Holiday" on Lloyd's projector screen that night and you were about to agree, when the roar of a car engine pierced the air. Your head snapped around, just in time to catch the blinding flash of headlights as tires screeched and a vehicle hurtled over the curb, heading straight towards you. But your feet seemed uncooperative, glued to the pavement, refusing to move. Horror surged through you as the car closed in. Zach’s arms encircled your waist, and suddenly, you were weightless, airborne.

Instead of being thrown backward from the car’s impact, you were torn off your feet and flung to the right with all the finesse of a human cannonball being ejected from a launchpad. You went soaring through the air like a ragdoll before slamming into the passenger door of a parallel parked Toyota Prius.

Zach had pulled you out of the way just in time.

The vehicle raced by, having missed you by inches. Its tires screamed as the driver swerved back onto the road and vanished around the corner, leaving only the fading red glow of brake lights in their wake. Breath caught in your throat, the same breath you’d taken when the danger first became apparent. Zach grabbed you by the shoulders and pulled you into a brief embrace. His words flowed around you, unintelligible while your brain was so taken up with processing the events of the past… fifteen seconds?

He squeezed your upper arms when you didn’t respond to whatever he’d said.

“Hey! Princess! Listen to me. Are you okay?”

Gasping, you swayed as you tried to straighten up, but found yourself still leaning against the Prius.

“Yeah. Yeah… I’m fine. Thank you… I… I’m… Thank you!”

Zach’s gaze swept over you before he ran his hands down from your shoulders, over your arms, and frowned. His expression shifted from worried to suspicious.

“You’re sure you’re okay?”

You hesitated. “Um…”

As with any good adrenaline rush, it subsided the moment someone drew attention to your injuries. That’s when the pain crashed over you, its sharp bite stealing the breath from your lungs.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Deputy Russell’s call came in right on schedule. Lloyd leaned against the kitchen counter and hit the answer button, smirking at Elliot.

“Hey, Canada. We’ve got a problem. The ATF is in town and they’re closing in on Holbrook,” Russell said.

“The ATF?”

“Yeah. If you want those drugs, we do it before the feds arrive.”

“Works for me. Where are we meeting?”

He took down the address and grinned at Elliot as he pocketed the phone. “Russell really wants those drugs gone.”

Elliot crossed his arms. “Yeah, he wants to sell, or more likely, he wants to get rid of you. That stunt with the fire freaked him out. Russell isn’t the kind of guy you want to spook. He’ll go for the jugular.”

“That’s the whole point. Say, do you have a major attachment to your pickup?”

Elliot raised an eyebrow. “That piece of shit? No.”

“Great. Take the ranch truck,” he said, tossing over the keys.

“You were counting on a double cross all along, weren’t you?”

“I couldn’t see a way around it. Let's go. This time, I actually have a plan.”

It was an hour’s drive to reach the address Russell had chosen for their meeting. The abandoned house outside of Ketchum used to belong to Joe, before the turf war against Holbrook in the early 2000s. Lloyd steeled himself for the ambush he knew was coming as he strode casually up the crumbling sidewalk, pretending he didn’t have a care in the world.

Elliot’s voice crackled in his ear.

“I see him. He’s parked a block away in a sedan with tinted windows.”

“Left or right?” Lloyd asked.

“Left.”

“Wait, Lloyd! He’s not... No gun! He has a trigger device!”

That was all the warning he got before a wall of heat erupted in front of him. Lloyd dove for cover behind a tree just in time, hissing as shrapnel seared his back.

“He’s driving past,” Elliot said. “Russell is gone. I’m coming to get you.”

The blast had stunned him for a few seconds, but by the time Elliot reached him, Lloyd was already on his feet. He leaned on his cousin as they sprinted across the street to the ranch pickup truck.

“Are you okay? You don’t have a concussion or anything, do you?” Elliot asked.

“I'm good,” Lloyd said, reaching under his shirt and ripping at the velcro straps that held the kevlar vest he’d worn underneath his clothing. He peeled off the layers and unstrapped the vest to inspect the shards of metal lodged in the back.

“Damn,” Elliot murmured, taking his eyes off the road for a second to assess the damage.

“Meh. Someone needs a refresher course on bomb making,” Lloyd said. “There wasn't enough shrapnel in that to do much more than put me in the hospital for a few days.”

“You need a new psychiatrist. Whoever told you weren’t crazy should have their license revoked.”

Lloyd laughed. They raced to catch up with Russell’s sedan on the remote stretch of highway that led back into the valley. Elliot maneuvered the ranch pickup ahead of the sedan and jerked the wheel, sending the truck spinning sideways to block the road. Russell slammed on the breaks and managed to stop before his front bumper connected with the passenger side of the truck.

Deputy Russell threw open the driver’s door and lept out of the vehicle, flushed with rage.

“Are you insane? What the hell do you think you’re…”

The color drained from his face when he saw Lloyd in the passenger seat. Lloyd hopped out of the truck and grabbed the Deputy by his shirt front.

“Surprised to see me?” he said, grinning at the man and raising his gun with the hand that wasn’t gripping the deputy’s shirt. “Get back in your car. I’m going to climb in the back seat, and unless you want to get a bullet through the heart, I’d follow my directions.”

Russell was shocked enough by the sight of a man he’d believed dead thirty minutes earlier that it was easy to force his compliance. He followed Elliot up the highway and onto a dead end dirt road in the middle of a cattle pasture, out of sight from the main road. The ranch truck pulled over on a wide section and Russell parked behind it.

“Get out,” Lloyd said.

He grabbed the Deputy’s arm, twisting it behind his back as he pressed the barrel of the gun into his shoulder. Elliot watched from the pickup with his baseball cap pulled low over his eyes to conceal his identity.

“Do you want it through the heart? Or the brainstem? It’s a Sunday, so I’m offering the victim’s choice special.”

“Don’t! Listen, please! This wasn’t personal-”

“Boring! I don’t care. Today isn’t the first time someone double crossed me and it damn well won’t be the last time.”

“The feds aren’t just looking for Holbrook, they’re coming for his organization. You know that’s how they operate. Agent Ambrosio wouldn’t bring a whole cavalry if they didn’t have enough to take down everyone involved. But they don’t know about me, I swear! The agent in charge literally called me, which means they don’t know who all the players are.”

“And you decided throwing them a corpse would fill in the blanks and clear up any questions about his operation, eh?”

“That’s Holbrook’s place. His name is literally on the deed. They would have assumed you were his distributor.”

“And then nobody would look twice at you,” Lloyd said, digging the barrel of his Glock harder into Russell’s back.

“I told you, it wasn’t personal!” the Deputy yelled. “Listen, we can make this right! I’ll give you the drugs, all of them.”

“Drugs that the ATF is looking for? How stupid do you think I am? It’s a shame our relationship has to end like this, Luke. You had a tight operation going and I could have used a partner like you. But with the feds breathing down your neck and Holbrook about to rollover on you, this thing has gone to hell in a handbasket.” Lloyd sighed, theatrically. “But hey… listen. This is nothing personal.”

“Wait, please! They’re not looking for me! I can plant the drugs at Holbrook’s place! That drug dealer you threw into Redfish Lake, you know, Carl? We can plant evidence to make it look like he was Holbrook’s man. He went around telling everyone he had Holbrook in his pocket. It’ll work!”

Lloyd eased the gun away from the Deputy’s back and relaxed his grip on Russell’s arm.

“I’ll lay a false trail right to the evidence for them,” he swore. “We let the heat die down a little and then I’m your guy. We can be partners!”

“That’s not the worst plan I’ve ever heard…”

“You want to be a rich man, right? Do you want to leave here empty handed? Think about it.”

Lloyd pretended to mull it over, then clicked his tongue. “Well, damn! Look at us. Enemies to besties, isn’t it great? Come on, Lucas. We’ve got drugs to plant. Where are they?”

“Under the backseat of my car.”

Lloyd chuckled. “No shit? I was sitting on top of Joe’s stash for the last thirty minutes?”

- - - - -

They drove back into town and found Holbrook’s house empty. All Lloyd had to do was stand back and watch as Russell pried open the backseat of his sedan and removed a duffle bag. He used a spare key to open the front door. Lloyd trailed along after him, through the hall and into the kitchen.

Russell crouched in front of a cabinet and pushed on the toe-kick panel to swing it open. Then he unzipped the duffle and removed the plastic wrapped bricks, shoving them into the hiding spot.

“There you go, Holbrook’s as good as-”

Lloyd brought the butt of the gun down on Russell’s temple, knocking him out cold.

“Good as arrested,” he said to the unconscious man, wiping his finger prints from the Glock.

Lloyd planted the Glock in Rusell’s car. He’d taken it from Joe’s safe and assumed it was probably one of his favorites by the worn grip. Undoubtedly, the gun would trace back to half a dozen crimes in the area, just in case Russell found a way to weasel out of his own drug charges. Elliot swung by and picked him up. They drove back to the White Rivers campsite, and at dawn the next morning, watched the real Agent Ambrosio from the ATF march the disgraced lawmen to their SUV in handcuffs.

He let Elliot handle the binoculars this time, since he’d had the pleasure of knocking the Deputy out yesterday.

“They’re leading him out now…” Elliot said, providing commentary. “He’s in handcuffs… Here comes Russell. Damn, you did a number on him. He still looks dazed.”

Lloyd had reclined his seat back as far as it would go and let his eyes fall half-shut. He was exhausted. The adrenaline had worn off hours ago and now he felt every bump and bruise from the explosion at Holbrook’s stash house. He knew he ought to be basking in a hard earned victory, he found he was rather annoyed.

You hadn’t texted him back.

You always texted him back. He didn’t know how to react to being ignored because it had never happened before. Maybe you were just busy. But with what? You always answered his texts within at least a day.

“Are you staying for the funeral?” Elliot asked.

“No. I’d rather get back home. You?”

“I wasn’t planning on going either. Too depressing. There’s nothing good to say about him and… well, nothing grieve. Not for me anyway.”

“Agreed. Why don’t you come spend the night at the ranch?” Lloyd suggested.

“Are you sure?”

Elliot’s surprise reminded him that his cousin had never spent a night at the house, despite being a blood relative.

“Yeah, I’m sure. You know, something’s been bothering me. April said she overheard you and Holbrook talking. The word ‘mercury’ came up. What the hell was that about?”

Elliot grinned. “Really? You didn’t figure it out?”

“Figure out what?”

“Dude, you’re in for a shock. I can’t tell you, but I can show you.”

“Show me what?” Lloyd asked.

Elliot turned on the engine and threw the pickup into reverse with a laugh. “No way, I’m not telling you. You’re going to have to wait and see.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Next - Part XVII

Masterlist

#lloyd hansen x y/n #series: the princess & the lawyer #series: the princess and the lawyer #lloyd hansen fic #lloyd hansen fanfic #lloyd hansen x princess #no minors #lloyd hansen au #lloyd hansen x reader

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hetalia-club · 1 year ago

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I’m going to vent some more about my ex because it’s good therapy lol

Feel free to keep scrolling.

Lol so remember my terrible abusive ex I broke up with last month that I vented on here about? Two years ago I made a reddit post on AITH because we got into this argument about eating thanksgiving at each others families houses and how he would get mad at me when I wouldn't eat a huge meal at his family's house but then he didn't eat at my families house (Which is honestly such a shame because my family's food is gas) and I also make some of the food at our thanksgiving so by the time I would get there to eat I wouldn't be hungry because I had just been guilted into eating a full plate an hour before.

I deleted the post because it blew up like crazy and everyone was calling him controlling and abusive and I was thinking "that seems a little much for a thanksgiving argument" I was getting a bunch of DMs of people telling me I needed to dump him and that if I needed help I could go to a clinic and I was just like "Tf are these people talking about!? This was just an argument about thanksgiving food…" I just think it's funny the answers were right there in front of me of thousands of strangers telling me I was in an abusive relationship and I ignored it. You truly don't know what it's like to be in a relationship like that until you're in one. You will convince yourself everything is fine and that everyone else is crazy for thinking that he's crazy. Just look at some of these comments lol

this is just a few of them. I remembered this post and decided to go back and re-read the comments after recognizing that he was abusive. I remember defending him so hard in my DMs being like “no you don’t understand you got him all wrong” turns out they had him all right lol and I was the delusional one. I’ve been doing along of self reflection and what not lately I’ve been trying to ever who I was before we got together because I feel like I was a different person. Less of a people pleaser, less emotional, less worried about what others think of me. I’m having to re-write my brain chemistry I feel. I still have to stop myself because I will ask myself “does ‘ex’ like when I do this?” And I have to remind myself it doesn’t matter what he likes anymore.

When we lived together he would insist i did all the cooking which is fine because I’m good at cooking. But the thing is I can actually only cook Italian American food, the reason for that is because it’s my favorite food and it’s all I ever want to eat. So it’s the only thing I make that’s any good. Because you know… it’s what i like so it’s what I make. Well about 2 years into our relationship he decides he’s going on a no carb diet. Which was an issue because I am on an all carb diet lol… I made food as normal for awhile and then one day he just went absolutely ballistic because he said I was abusing him because I wasn’t respecting his diet because I kept making pasta, which I wasn’t making pasta every day obviously… I didn’t make Italian every day but at least 2 times a week. but on this particular day I had made some kind of pasta but I had made him zucchini noodles, I even went out and bought a little thing to shred them with that day. It was probaly chicken parm because I eat that at least once a week. I once went three weeks with eating chicken parm every day and it was heaven . But apparently he didn’t like them and instead of being rational and just saying he didn’t like them he decided to have a toddler level fit because he didn’t what what I made. I was just like “okay then don’t eat it l…” he proceeded to not speak to me for three days and he even shoulder checked me in the hall way when he walked past me and it had me seeing red. So ever since then when I would make pasta I would make him a separate dinner which was so annoying. Because like he’s a grown fucking man… I shouldn’t have to make him a separate dinner it’s not my fault he decided to go on a no carb diet for no reason probably just to try and get me to stop making pasta which he never really liked (this was huge red flag and I should have known it would never work) he should have to deal with that himself I’m not his mom or his wife so i shouldn’t have just been like “okay learn how to cook then man child” but I’m too nice of a person and the guilt would have made me lose sleep. Because he would have just eaten cheese and lunch meat like a dumb ass because if I didn’t cook for him that’s what he would eat because he was an ACTUAL man child and couldn’t cook anything but scrambled eggs even then he wouldn’t use grease or butter so they would just fuse with the pan and I had to scrub it off because he would just put it in the dishwasher as if that was going to do anything.

One time I had made like a vegan butternut squash soup because he likes butternut squash, I don’t I think it’s gnarly. I even whipped out an emulsion blender for it, real fancy like. Well he decided he wanted chicken with it for some unknown reason even though HE requested it for dinner so he knew no meat was involved. so he decided to throw a frozen chicken tender into a pan and he cooked it until it was trawled and that shit was like not even close to cooked and he was going to eat it so I had to stop eating, get up and recook his chicken because he would have given himself food poisoning. I didn’t even get so much of a thank you for possible saving his stupid life and he just ate it and left the pan with burnt bits for me to scrub because he again didn’t oil the pan so the chicken stuck to it and burnt onto the pan.

You may read this and think “omg how do you not realize this is abuse” well that’s because that was just how I lived for 5 years. It had gotten normal I understood how he was and he always told me “this is just how I am” so I figured “who would I be to change him if that’s his personality?” Now I do truly believe that is his real personality and he’ll never change. Mostly because when we broke up he straight told me “this is how I am I’m not changing for you or anyone” like it was something to be proud of. He truly believes the break up is something that can be reversed. I’m not sure if he even thinks we’re still broken up if that makes sense. He texted me as asked me if I wanted to go out to diner and I was like “lol no?” And he was like “I miss you though don’t you miss me?” And I was like “lol…no?” Like what is there to miss my guy? Like of course you miss me I did everything for you. I knew the second he realized “oh shit now I have to clean and cook?” he would want me back. I called it. I knew it was coming. It was a lot sooner than I expected tbh though…

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liviavanrouge · 3 months ago

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Truth

Paimon: How do we figure the mystery out?

Luna: I have no idea, I feel lost..

Aether: *Smiles down at Luna, knowing how she felt*

???: Traveler, Luna, Paimon!

Kinich: *Walks over with a man beside him* I did some searching and I found one of the workers who witnessed the entire thing..

Junpei: My name is Junpei, I was the one who tried to save her, I don't mind telling you everything, I feel absolutely terrible about what occurred

Kinich: Start from when Oria appeared

Junpei: Of course! Me and a few others were working on getting some loose rocks off one of the cliffs so it didn't become too much of a hazard later on, she was so sweet greeting us and offering us the fruit in her basket

Junpei: Of course, we declined! We had our own food but the offer still touched our hearts

Paimon: She sounds like a sweetie, her brother must've raised her right

Luna: Yeah, yeah! Mr O must be like Big brother Aether, he's taken care of me and taught me ever since he found me

Junpei: *Chuckles* It looks like it, you must be a smart young lady, aren't you?

Luna: I am! Loads of people say so

Kinich: Junpei, can you continue

Junpei: Right! Sorry! Anyway, we asked what Oria was doing, to be polite you know, she said she was gathering flowers to make several handmade gifts for her big brother

Junpei: She came close to the cliff and that's when everything turned for the worst....th-the rocks came loose and immediately fell towards her! I-I used my anemo but it only shattered the rocks more

Junpei: One of the other workers leapt off and tried to grab her once she landed but....we were too late, the rocks crushed that poor girl, three of my friends went off to grab help

Paimon: What happened after that? Do you know how old Oria was at that time?

Junpei: The woman who leapt off was from the same tribe as Oria, she said that Oria was twelve years old..

Paimon: TWELVE!?

Junpei: After that this guy with strange clothing arrived, one look at Oria and he was stunned...he started trying to dig her out, yelling her name

Junpei: Me and another worker pulled him back and tried to calm him down but he went ballistic on us, demanding what happened and why his sister was dead

Junpei: W-We didn't know how to tell him..all we could do was keep him away from the body or he would've gotten more upset if he saw how she looked after she was finally dug out

Junpei: I-I hope this helps, if you have any questions don't be afraid to ask!

Aether: Did you get the brothers name?

Junpei: It was Oro..something, I..forgot it....to be honest, I really wanted to forget that day, I've never felt so guilty

Junpei: H-Had I just leapt down and grabbed her, this could've been avoided!

Luna: You didn't know what would happen, Mr Junpei! Don't be so upset, you tried at least, sir..

Junpei: Thanks for your kind words..but that doesn't help still..

Paimon: How long ago was this?

Junpei: Two months ago

Paimon: IT'S FRESH?!

Kinich: Now you can see why it's become such a surprising taboo topic

Luna: So if we find Mr Oro and get Oria's stuffed animal, we can bring her back, right Big brother Aether

Junpei: Y-You can bring her back?! Really?! Is there anyway at all that I can help!!

Aether: It's not that easy...from what Molimo told us in the dream..

Kinich: Molimo?

Paimon: He lives in the Night Kingdom, can you believe that?! He's been there for 200 years!

Kinich: What...but, that's impossible

Luna: That's what Ms Mavuika and Mr Kilonzo said too!

Paimon: He told us that he has Oria! She's "alive" in a way and he needs our help!

Paimon: He said if we bring an ancient name bearer and Oria's most precious item, he could do some tinkering and make a miracle!

Kinich: Why an ancient name bearer?

Aether: Extra power, Molimo says his abilities have all turned more abyss energy needed...he said it'd also be good to have some dragon power...

Kinich: I'll go.

Paimon: Doesn't Kucho have an ancient name? His dragon powers are also getting there, right, after the battle with the Elder Dragon?

Kinich: I said, I'll go

Paimon: Whoops! Uhm, okay! That's fine!

Junpei: Allow me to help whenever you need it!

Luna: Thank you, mister!

Kinich: *Turns and walks away with Junpei*

Aether: We keep forgetting not to underestimate Kinich when it comes to Kucho..

Paimon: Yeah..he gets scarier...

Luna: Just like Big Brother Aether when it comes to me! Hehe!

Aether: *Smiles and pats Luna's head*

@queen-of-twisted @im-a-bit-deranged-me-think

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin characters #genshin fandom #genshin imapct #genshin impact oc #genshin original character #genshin oc #genshinimpact #genshin kinich #kinich genshin #genshin impact kinich #kinich genshin impact #aether genshin impact #genshin aether #genshin impact aether #genshin traveler

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jodilin65 · 2 years ago

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TUESDAY, AUGUST 30, 2022 I’m kicked back in bed and enjoying my new homemade pillow. I decided that rather than cut chunks of memory foam I would just take two layers in the shape of my head pillow and make a pillow out of that, and then one layer for the body pillow. I started with two layers for the body pillow but that was too thick. The two layers of memory foam I have shoved inside a (head) pillowcase help keep me comfortable in any position. If I enjoy sleeping on it, I’ll get a pillow cover for it. It definitely seems pretty comfortable so far. My feather pillowcase was too high for laying on my stomach and the cotton one wasn’t good for my side. Tom helped me put them together today.

His back is better and tomorrow he has a doctor’s appointment to get his blood pressure meds refilled. Of course he’ll be gone when I’m sleeping. Fortunately, he won’t have to see the doctor with shitty reviews because he’s out with an injury. I guess he’ll be seeing the assistant instead. He’ll have to go to the lab as well.

My metabolism is showing signs of speeding up even more and I’m still worried that getting my numbers normal is going to make me anxious. If I could get to October without any noticeable anxiety I would begin to feel a faint shimmer of hope. If I could make it to the new year I would feel moderately hopeful. If I could make it to April I would go absolutely ballistic with joy! A week from now will make 5 months since I’ve had any significant anxiety. I just had a couple of days where I was on edge a month or two ago. I still find it hard to believe it won’t return to haunt me sooner or later. It always does. I have had a few spells in the past where I was able to go months without anxiety over the last 8 years since this shit began. We’ll just have to wait and see. I don’t want to get too hopeful and think this is it, I finally slayed the dragon.

I was able to peel off what was left of my gel nails today. I’m totally amazed by how long they lasted! Not a single chip. Just some regrowth visible. They were worth every penny. My toenail polish still looks good too. Just a slight chip on one of the big toes.

My fingernails still don’t look healthy but I think they’re a little better. Well, all except for one. It split down the middle. I have a Band-Aid over it so I don’t snag it. I’m still leaning toward thinking it was the powder dip remover that damaged the nails and not the return of the fungus. They’re very dried out and rough to the touch. I’ll definitely give them a break for a while.

I got up just in time today. Right after I got up the mowers came and then we had a thunderstorm.

I guess I’m liked by everyone here after all because both Steve and Jim “liked” the picture I shared of the diamond suncatchers. LOL

I didn’t hear Happy yesterday or the day before, but I heard about 15 barks today. As loud as it is, I’m getting more OK with it now that I’ve gotten to know Steve a little and his habits. I just hope it doesn’t get worse when the weather cools down. If it does get annoying, I have to remember to keep my mouth shut and keep the peace. People want to be able to do what they want. People expect that much, and truthfully, even I would have a problem with complainers depending on what it was about. As long as it’s reasonable, I want to be able to live my life too, so I can understand where they’re coming from. If it was off-the-wall shit like in Phoenix, that would be different. There’s never any excuse for that degree of noise at any time of day or night.

MONDAY, AUGUST 29, 2022 When we went to the thrift store, I went exactly to where I saw the doll I liked but she wasn’t there. Assuming she was gone, I was ready to move on but then Tom said, “Isn’t that her?”

I turned around and there she was on the next shelf over. I recognized the dollmaker’s name engraved on the back of her neck and uploaded the picture I took of her to Google Lens. Sure enough, the artist made her for Ashton Drake which didn’t surprise me because as soon as I saw her I thought she looked like something they would sell. She’s a 1992 doll that sold for around $70 and that was part of the Forest Heroines series. This one is Cinderella and she’s 15 inches tall. I love the doll but hate her ratty old outfit which I planned to change. I had a spare outfit that fit her. Lavender pants and a white shirt with ruffles at the shoulders and across the chest and a bow at the neck. I chose to keep her bandana on which has a delicate flower design on it.

I also polished her nails red using a toothpick, since her nails are so tiny. In the original photos of her, I could see that she once held a small dove in one hand and a broom in the other. I’ll be getting a small butterfly used for arts and crafts to glue onto her hand.

God, I feel like I’m back with my old MacBook Air whenever I go to launch speech-to-text! It’s been slow to start lately, which is kind of annoying.

Last night we were without power for 3 ½ hours! We were confused at first because although we did hear thunder, it never stormed here. That’s when we started to suspect that there must have been an accident. Thanks to someone in the group, they shared pictures of an accident on a nearby road. We could see the broken fence when we went down that street today. I don’t think anyone was killed. There seems to be a lot of accidents on that road, but then there are tons of accidents all over the whole damn state.

Not everyone here hates me because I was going out the other day when I saw the old couple sitting in front of their place as they often do. From this distance, I couldn’t tell if it was the husband or the wife. Either way, I waved and said hello and they waved back.

One thing I don’t get about the God believers is how they claim he gave us free will and that’s why he doesn’t intervene when people abuse others. Why do people make excuses for not doing the right thing by intervening when we would be quick to want to hang a person who didn’t help prevent harm from coming to someone else? So it’s OK for him to sit back and do nothing but not for people to do nothing? That just seems a little twisted to me.

It was reliable last night, but the two nights before, my nature sound stopped playing before I woke up. So it’s them turning it on and off and nothing to do with being too far from the Wi-Fi. I figured as much since it was even further in the last house.

I had the weirdest dream last night. The dream had one of those feelings that made me wonder if it was a glimpse into another dimension. We were younger in the dream and had gotten divorced and he moved out of our two-story house, even though we remained boyfriend and girlfriend, so I could sleep better. LOL

He moved into an apartment in a seedy neighborhood. I went over to visit him one night and I could hear the thugs shouting in the streets. He also had a cat.

I told him I didn’t want to actively try to get pregnant, but I thought we should remarry and he should move back into the house. I told him that if he ever had a medical emergency and had to go to the hospital, I probably wouldn’t be allowed to see him as just his girlfriend. I told him there was no reason he couldn’t sleep in the bed when I was up and downstairs on the couch when I wasn’t.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 28, 2022 Tom is in bed now, watching TV on his laptop. His sciatica is bad again. We were going to go out earlier, but the store we want to go to is closed. This turns out to be a good thing because of his back. So we’ll go out tomorrow instead. I want to go back to the thrift store and see if that doll I liked is still there. I almost got her the first time around but was turned off by the price. They’re way more expensive than Goodwill. After we left I regretted not getting it so I’ll get it tomorrow if it’s still there. They even had a Paradise Galleries doll that was still in its box. The face was just OK, though, and I couldn’t see the outfit. The only window in the box was where her face was.

I decided the new memory foam topper just wasn’t for me. My first thought was to return it but then I realized I could cut it into little chunks and make a great body pillow out of it. I might even be able to use some for a head pillow but I wouldn’t cut little pieces for that. Instead, I would just cut one big piece the size of a pillow.

I’ve now gone over 2K miles in VZ. I don’t think I’ll be traveling much today because I’m kind of tired. We did get in a round of golf, though.

My schedule has jumped six hours and two days and I’m not sure why it’s rolling faster these days but it is.

Out of curiosity, I posted a Happy Saturday meme in the park group yesterday just to see how many likes it would get. It got 8 likes and one love.

I later shared a post saying that with all the depressing news - war in Ukraine, war on women, hate for Jews, hate for gays - it was nice to see uplifting posts.

That only got one love. Goes to show how many bigots live in this park. They’re all over the state actually.

Then I noticed something interesting. When I was checking out who liked what posts/comments, I noticed a couple of hidden likes. if I’m understanding how things work correctly then this means someone has blocked me. I can’t imagine who the hell it could be. None of our immediate neighbors have blocked me, the gay guy who hates me hasn’t blocked me, and neither has the woman who didn’t like my suggesting debarking dogs. So who the hell could it be then???

Hoping to find out and settle my curiosity, I requested to join the group from Mia’s account and said I was not a resident but was planning to move here yet they wouldn’t let me in.

If someone really has blocked me, I can’t imagine who the hell it could be. The gay guy hasn’t blocked me and neither has his husband who might be the guy I saw sitting in front of the redneck’s place that I waved to that didn’t wave back. It’s still possible that just because he was looking in my general direction he might not have seen me. I’m a little surprised a republican redneck would have anything to do with gays if that was who I saw. I know they’re at least connected in that the gay guys live near Roy, were close to Roy, and they know that Steve got his dog. The question is how Steve knows Roy. I’m guessing the redneck new people that lived here before it moved in.

It will be interesting to see how we’re treated if we ever make it to play bingo.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 27, 2022 It’s a dark and rainy day out there. The kind you like every now and then but wouldn’t want every day. The plants wouldn’t want it either. I took the money tree out to get some rain because I read that they like that.

It’s only 78 degrees today instead of the usual upper 80s to low 90s.

We ran out to a thrift store yesterday. Like with Goodwill, you just never know what treasures you may find in places like that. I saw a realistic porcelain doll for $15 that I liked. Just maybe I’ll go back and get it. It was kind of small. I don’t think it was even a foot long. The outfit was hideous, but that can be replaced. We also went into a store similar to Overstock. If I was looking for a large planter, it would be a nice store for that. They had a pretty rainbow planter.

Tom shot a creepy cool video yesterday. There are these bugs called walking sticks. A mama walking stick with a baby walking stick on her back was navigating the side of the house by the master bedroom. Fucking Google won’t let me download it.

The foam lavender-scented topper came yesterday and it’s comfortable. It’s especially comfortable when I’m lying on my back. Feels a little weird at first when I shift to my side or my stomach until I get used to it. I’m hoping it will help with the cutaneous nerve issues I’ve been having. Seems to be helping so far, but it definitely makes me sleep warmer so I don’t need the throw at the foot of the bed. Just the cover sheet and thin coverlet. In the winter, I’ll add the throw. I’m glad I only got the 1.5” because softer just isn’t good when you’re heavy. Back when I was skinny, it was great. I don’t see how he stands his 3” topper. We definitely have different tastes in that we can’t share the same bed, but most importantly his constant snoring would keep me up all the time. All the time we were on the same schedule anyway.

Norma and Michelle were the first to be dreamt about on my new topper. I was telling Norma about my sorry childhood. Then I was at Michelle’s house and I followed her into her bedroom as we were chatting. There were two twin beds and she said something about her husband who I knew slept in one of the beds. One bed had what appeared to be some medical equipment around it and I assumed that was probably her husband’s bed.

Then Michelle and I were preparing to go out walking with a friend of hers. I asked how long we were going to walk, saying that I would prefer not to walk longer than half an hour.

In the second dream, I was in a large hotel or apartment building with long corridors. I had just gotten some treats out of a vending machine when a German shepherd was suddenly standing by my side, eyeing the treats curiously.

“No!” I told it firmly and the dog took off down the hall, much to my relief.

Not far behind it, I was looking for a certain room number that didn’t seem to exist. The numbers skipped the room I was looking for. As I was searching for the nonexistent room, I saw an older fat guy open one of the doors and let the German shepherd inside.

We were packing to move in the last dream. I have no idea where we were going, but I said that it was the last time I was doing it because it was a pain in the ass.

Ended up regretting and removing the post about the barking yesterday. I should have figured as much. Besides, this is a little different than when we complained about the freeloaders of Phoenix. That’s because technically, they really aren’t doing anything wrong. If they left the thing outside to bark for hours on end, that would be different. They don’t let the dog bark incessantly. They don’t blast loud music. They don’t have underage people living there. And most importantly, they’re quiet at night.

Three people “liked” the post. One woman “liked” it and then “unliked” it, I noticed while I happened to be on Facebook. Toni commented, saying that she appreciates my comments, but patience and tolerance is a virtue. They’re not doing anything wrong and there isn’t anything you can do with a yapper, trust her.

Well, patience has nothing to do with it since this dog isn’t going to change. It’s a natural barker. I could tell that the first time I heard it. Steve just doesn’t care to train it. But she is right in that they’re not doing anything wrong since it’s only for a minute or less, one to three times a day.

Then some married gay guy chimes in, saying this one has gone too far and it’s no one’s business what people do in the privacy of their own homes. Then he shares a link to the county’s noise ordinances.

Not sure what privacy in homes has to do with anything but he did have a point about people being allowed to make noise between 10:00 PM and 7:00 AM. I don’t know if it would be “OK” if he were to suddenly have a boom car stereo blasting in and out half a dozen times a day, but he (Jim) was right. It had gone too far and no one wanted to hear it so I deleted the post.

So yeah, nothing does change when you don’t speak up because then you don’t piss people off and risk being spited. It really is better to just deal with people’s shit as long as it’s not literally harming you in any way or costing you money. Yes, the inevitable return of the motorcycle is going to suck but he has every right to ride it as often as he wants.

I’m not gonna leave the group, but I’m going to go quiet for a while because while I came here to live and not to please people, I don’t want to offend anyone either. Besides, as much as people preach forgiveness, people rarely forgive, forget, and move on.

For a minute I felt slightly embarrassed knowing Irma and the honker probably saw the post, but what are they gonna do about it? Come over and give me a good spanking when they return? I don’t have to win anyone’s approval. Just tolerate and get along with them and hope they don’t screw us over to the point that we’re forced to fight back in any way. I can just imagine how many people in this park are aware of it, though! It’s a small park even with the new addition, not that anyone’s living there yet. It’s getting close, though. They brought in tons of houses.

I told Jessie that while this isn’t something I tell many people, but when he goes, I go. I was telling her that I could not only not function on my own in such a high-tech world and with a driving phobia, but I would be so miserable without him. She said she would be devastated if she lost David and that if it happened to both of us we could live like the Golden Girls, if not next to each other. That’s sweet, but I would still be miserable and prefer to join my husband in the Land of the Dead. Even if I wouldn’t miss the shit out of him and even if she drove us wherever we needed to go, I couldn’t go into her house and demand she not cook anything smelly while I was sleeping and not do this and not do that so as to help ensure that I don’t wake up. And while she’s not exactly inconsiderate, most people aren’t as considerate as Tom either.

Toni really does love to talk to herself, LOL. So much so that a part of me wondered if she might hear voices, but she seems too sane for that.

“Okay,” she said with determination as I was approaching her yesterday. Then, “I know I have to go back to work.”

When she saw me, I asked if she needed help with anything and she thanked me but said she was fine. She’s gonna be having hip surgery at the end of next month, which will hopefully help her get around better.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 26, 2022 Hearing the dog daily yet again has me torn between those who believe that complaining only stirs up trouble and those who say that if you don’t speak up, nothing ever changes. The problem is that I can’t get the office to respond to my emails and I don’t want to go down to the office either. I think I’m just going to have to accept that I’m going to have to live with this fucking mutt for many years to come. I’m destined to always have something annoying to deal with. If it wasn’t this dog, it would be somebody else’s. If it wasn’t a dog, it would be something else like perhaps additional motorcycles.

I know it won’t do me any good, but I did post in the park group saying, “Just a friendly reminder that dogs CAN be trained and we do NOT want to hear them inside our houses. If we did, we would have stayed in the mainstream and not come to an adult community that is supposed to be peaceful. Just saying.”

Two people “liked” it within an hour of posting it. So I’m not the only one sick of this shit that isn’t supposed to be in these kinds of places.

I had a horrible nightmare last night. We were talking about whether or not we may move in the future and I was saying that I wanted to take our time and get it right and not settle. Tom told me he understood as we exited some kind of building and walked down a bunch of steps. To one side of the steps were large rocks in which the sea waves lapped. The water surface was a foot below us.

Quickly and without warning, Tom jumped into the water. I froze with surprise and wondered how he knew the water was deep enough to jump into.

A few seconds later when he didn’t resurface, I began to panic. I started shouting his name and then I lost my footing and ended up in the water as well. The dream ended with me shouting his name frantically.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 25, 2022 Today’s storm has arrived. I don’t know if we’ll get as much rain as we did yesterday, but we’re certainly getting thunder.

I don’t like the way my snorkel with the attached hose fits, so we’re sending it back. He likes his, though. It covers the whole face. The problem is that my temple area is so narrow that I have to have it uncomfortably tight in order to get a good seal. Instead, I’m getting a regular snorkel set like what I used in Hawaii.

I also got a set of four tiny diamond paintings with rainbow beads stemming from them that you can hang as suncatchers in windows.

Sometimes the only way to know if Alexa can do something is to just ask her. I switched out my incandescent light bulb in the lamp by the bed for an LED so that the plant on the nightstand can have decent lighting. I told her to turn that light off in six hours and she did! Sure wish she wouldn’t ask and tell me things I didn’t ask for, though. She still does that at times and it’s still annoying. Why don’t people care what their customers want? I guess when you’re as big as Amazon is, you don’t care if you lose some customers because you can afford to.

Went about a week without hearing Steve’s mutt, but I heard it today. Something like 15 to 20 barks. I’m sure he was taking it to the doggy park.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 23, 2022 On the way to Howard Beach, even though I’m a little tired and his stomach isn’t the greatest.

Funny how I remembered it was the bigoted Rosemarie’s birthday on the 6th but didn’t remember till today that yesterday was Nane’s birthday. She’s 62 now.

So yesterday on Nane’s birthday, we got four lovely plants from Lowe’s for just $21, a Petra Croton from South India, which likes bright light and is in the pink planter in the living room. It’s a combo with two different colored leaves. One has pink lines and the other has white.

Then there’s the Asterisk Ivy from Europe which likes medium light and is in the dark gray pot in his bathroom.

Next is the Green Fantasy Fern from Tropical America, which also likes medium light. It’s in the yellow planter in the bedroom.

Lastly is a combo Fittonia from Peru, also known as a nerve plant. Some leaves have red lines and others have white. I actually like the white better because it pops against the dark green leaves. This one prefers low light and is in the green planter in my back office.

We ordered a moisture meter. If I like how it works, I might get more so each plant can have one. That way I don’t poke roots every time I stick it in the dirt.

The combination watering/misting bottle was a joke so we ordered squeezable bottles with a long, skinny spout. The problem with the other one was that as soon as I tilted it to spray the backs of the plants, water would spill from the watering spout and make a mess.

Besides a waterproof camera for the front, since this one keeps crapping out on us, I’m getting assorted scented soap samplers to put in my bath gloves. The scents are African Violet, Passion Flower, Fresh Milk & Shea, Black Currant, Island Ginger Mango, Ocean Pur, Seafresh Mineral, Lavender Chamomile, Cucumber, Pineapple Cocoa, Almond, Rosewater Jasmine, Lemon Verbena, Organic Oatmeal, and Juicy Peach.

Lastly, I got some foot-soaking bombs to put in our electric foot-soaker.

I can’t wait to grow my hair out again! They have this new reverse hair dryer that sucks in hair and straightens it at the same time it dries it. I don’t see myself growing it to the insane lengths I used to have, but maybe to the middle of my back, so almost two years. I have a short back and my hair grows fast, especially when I have enough thyroid in me. I’ll start up with the scalp massages and the gentle pulling to help speed up the process.

I offered 4 diamond paintings for $30 each in the park group. I got 9 likes, 5 comments, and 0 buys. ☹

I also dropped my maiden name on Facebook. I don’t want to be associated with anyone with that name, and it’s too Jewish, especially for Florida. Fucking everyone hates Jews and gays here. It’s fucking pathetic.

Absolute silence from the termite, so I don’t know what to think. Why would this fucking idiot hide her friend list yet post publicly? This exposes at least some of her friends.

Later…

At the charger now after what was easily the best beach run ever! Thank goodness for the lady that was already in the water when we arrived or else I’d have completely freaked out. Even he would have been startled. The lady said she went there every morning to snorkel and said six manatees were swimming around us and we were like…wow! They were huge! Manatees are ugly but harmless. They would stick their noses out of the water and blow air through their nostrils at times. They were amazing to see. We both took pics and can’t wait to check them out at home after we eat the burger and fries we’re now on our way to grab from Checkers.

Along with the manatees were the usual fish we’ve seen that feed off of the grassy areas. Plus, there were these striped fish like the tropical fish we saw in Hawaii. I’ve gotta look up what they are. They were bigger than the smallest fish we’ve seen. Tom saw something slither along the bottom but said it didn’t look long enough to be a snake. An eel?

It’s a great beach, like I said. Closer to home and never crowded. At least not when we’re there. We were there for about 90 minutes and only a few people were there. It was very quiet and relaxing, save for a couple of annoying motorcycles cruising the parking lot for a few minutes and a few planes, but that’s about it. No screaming kids, no ball-throwing close by, no loud music.

Plenty of loud music on the road, though. It’s awful with the way the roads sound like such warzones with all the loud music and motors. Just fucking ridiculous. I don’t understand why this shit is still legal. Come on, politicians! You love to control people’s lives. This is your chance to tell people what to do, so why not jump at such a great opportunity?

Anyway, the lady there also pulled out a scallop and then put it back in the water, saying you can only take them when they’re in season, whenever that is.

We totally love this beach. The only negs are the lack of waves and excess seaweed.

Had a dream that someone broke into wherever I/we were living. I didn’t see an intruder but knew someone had to have been in the place because the blinds were open that I had closed and other things were out of place.

My first thought was to go back outside and call the police, but suddenly I realized I was braless and it bothered me. The dream ended with me trying to decide if I should just call the cops first or take a chance by running in to grab a bra, even if the intruder may still be inside the house.

Later…

Back home now and his pics came out shitty but he got some awesome videos of the manatees as well as other fish! One of the manatees had a long white streak we’re guessing is a scar from a boat propeller.

They usually range from about 10 to 13 feet long, I just looked up and can weigh between 800 to 1200 pounds. They also live 50 to 60 years!

I think the small fish we saw are mullets and the striped ones could be sheep heads.

The goggles we used suck. They didn’t seal completely. I need to remember to take my nose pincher next time, too. We’re gonna get better goggles for next time. The kind with a pipe so you can breathe.

The sun and sea helped perk me up. If only I could walk to the beach every day I woke up tired. Or hang out on a private dock when I was tired at night.

I’m in such a great mood and there are no words to describe how wonderful it is to be able to wake up and not have to worry about the middle of my day approaching, knowing I’d be likely to get hit with anxiety and mindfucked into some very dark thoughts.

Florida is so much more fun than Cali. If we suddenly knew we had to return to our old house and he had to return to the same old boring job where he was overworked and underpaid, we would be so depressed! I was so, so miserable there.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 21, 2022 Nothing but some weird dreams to report. I read an article about a woman who swears she was struck dead by lightning in a previous life when she was 2 years old and that she was “shot” into the body she’s in now. The article also talks about how some people believe dreams are glimpses into either past lives or parallel universes. As vivid and as detailed as many of my dreams are, I’ve often wondered the same thing. It just seems hard to believe the brain can make up so much random stuff but I don’t know. I couldn’t consciously do it to such a degree while I was awake, so I don’t know how my brain does it when I’m asleep.

I had a dream I was in this older-looking house. It was large and set close to others and in the middle of the street it was on. The house itself reminded me of something you would find in the Northeast. It was interesting in the way it was laid out. Upstairs you had a total of four doors, two of which were directly across from others. What was weird was that there wasn’t a traditional hallway in between but almost a whole room that was perhaps 12x15.

I had another dream that I wrote something to the termites that they didn’t like. They tried to get ahold of me to give me a piece of their minds by sending a message containing some automated thing where I had to request the URL from them in order to read what they had to say.

Then I was horrified because the termite was there in the room with me. Tom was out at the moment and I wondered how the hell I was going to explain her sudden presence when he got in.

The termite’s termites lived just a couple of buildings or houses down from us (I don’t know if I was aware of this all along or if I just discovered it). It was night time and I was taking a stroll down the street since the sun had set and it had cooled off. I peeked through their basement window which was lit up. I never did see them, but when the light suddenly went out, I quickly moved along so I wouldn’t be spotted.

It was so dark and there were no streetlights. As I walked down the street, I soon realized I was lost and unsure if I was still on my street. I could see the silhouette of the street signs against the night sky, but couldn’t read them. Then I spotted some people through a large window. I asked if this was (whatever the name of my street was) and one of them nodded.

So I walked back up the street. I could now make out our place clearly because our bathroom, which happened to be on the other side of the street and only enterable from there, was lit up. The glow of the bathroom light spilling out its door cast light on our house across the street.

Hoping it was Tom using the bathroom and not some intruder, I peered through the door and saw Tom at the sink. At first, he seemed annoyed or maybe disappointed by my presence but seemed OK once he started talking.

In the last dream, we were living in a small building in a rural area. Two-story condos or apartments of some kind. We must not have found the neighbors disturbing because I was dreading the day it built up in the area enough to want to move. When I stood on our upper-story balcony and looked down, I imagined a bear wandering through and climbing the railings and tried to imagine what I would do. I guessed I would run into the bedroom and shut the door and then run into the bathroom that was off of it and shut that door too, then hope to hell I had my phone on me so I could call for help.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 20, 2022 OMG, the redneck speaks! He never commented or reacted to any of my posts/comments before (nor Toni’s from what I could see) so I thought he decided he hated us. LOL This was a comment I left in regards to people airing out their park peeves.

“I’m not the type to run to the office to complain unless it’s something really big, but what really gets to me is when they tell us what to do as if we’re children and they’re our parents. Have they forgotten that we’re the ones paying them?”

Redneck replied with “could be a democrap thing like wearing your mask when your in your car all by yourself smh”

Maybe the reason he decided to “like” and comment on my comment was that I said I wasn’t the type to complain. I purposely threw that in there as a throw-off, too. Maybe he was suddenly like, oh wow, so she wasn’t the one that complained about the dog?

Although I still doubt the office ever said anything to him.

Am I honestly the only lib in this park? Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one in the whole damn state.

My lower stomach is definitely flatter. No doubt about it. The cutback in sugar? The meds? Both? I’ll weigh in when I get up tomorrow if I remember, and see where I’m at.

Although I’m not as tired as yesterday, I’m still tired. I’ve only had energy for one day since the 13th. It’s obviously not going away, so I just have to learn to live with it. Nothing woke me up but the same thing happened when I woke up to pee and had to Benadryl myself back to sleep.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 18, 2022 Even though it only lasted half a day, it was so nice to have energy for the first time in 5 days! I cooked, cleaned and exercised. Together he and I also transferred the money tree into its new home.

Only one of the new five pots is an ugly color. That would be the dark gray one. I have a pale yellow pot, a pale pink one, and two green ones. One is a bluish-green and that’s the one the money tree is in. We didn’t realize it was in a smaller container inside the pink bucket it came in. I’m sure it appreciates the freedom it now has with all the extra breathing room. Hopefully, it will grow better.

He got soil especially made for money trees. Plus we got other soil for whatever plants we end up getting later on. I’m hoping to find a plant that does okay in artificial lighting since the bedroom is usually pretty dark. I’d like to have a plant in each room. An aglaonema would look great in the pink pot with its pink hues on its leaves.

We ordered a small watering can that also has a sprayer so I can mist and water at the same time.

Sometimes I don’t hear from Jessie for about a week and I wonder why. Nothing seems to be wrong and she checks in every day yet is slow to pick up and respond to my messages. Since we golfed together she hasn’t mentioned doing it again. She hasn’t told me anything about what kinds of apps she’s gotten either. I sent a message earlier and asked.

Damn, do I miss the hell out of Aly! This is purely a dream but if she were to suddenly contact me and say she never died and it was all just a joke, I would be way too excited to be pissed at her!

We ordered some smart bulbs and I got the last nightgown to complete my new collection. I decided to get the light gray. That way I don’t have to worry about the black possibly bleeding. I might still get the black one someday so I can have seven instead of six and therefore have a whole week’s worth.

I had a vibe about us moving in 2026 or 2027 but I don’t know. The horses are still consistent and my gut feeling is still strongly sure that this isn’t our forever home but you never do know. Since I can’t imagine us ever having the kind of money for a nice house on the beach or a luxury high-rise that was soundproof, I’m torn between going rural vs. staying in a community. They both have their pros and cons.

Later…

Oh, of course they want to ban Anne Frank’s book from schools. Like gee, what a surprise these days, right? I saw the headline about a Saudi Arabian chick going down for 34 years for tweeting, and I could sit here and tell you that’s just so damn typical of those countries, but I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if we eventually ended up with shit like that happening right here with all the steps we’ve been taking back into the dark ages.

The woman wanting decorative vases (Teresa) just now got my message and I realized that it’s entirely possible but very unlikely that Redneck wasn’t notified of my comment and doesn’t know about his hidden inbox.

She’s in one of the new houses and moving on Saturday. That was fast. I didn’t think those houses had been there for long. Maybe she considers it her FL starter house like this is (hopefully) our FL starter house.

I’m now scrambling to get done what I need to so I can be a tired waste product for the rest of my day since I’m exhausted from being woken up by a storm. ☹ Really, it’s getting REALLY hard to try to convince myself that this is all just one big coincidence and that there really isn’t anything up there wanting me tired so much of the time.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 17, 2022 There really is no winning for women no matter what they do. A whole shitload of them that would prefer not to have to abort in non-surgical ways if they have an accident are running to get their tubes tied. Sure enough, a lot of doctors are arguing with them about it, especially if they’re young. It’s total bullshit.

Meanwhile, if a guy wants fixing there are no questions asked. Ask me again why I resent men in general.

It’s like women just can’t fucking win. They’re “lazy” if they don’t work. They’re not with the times if they have kids, but of course they can’t get rid of those little embryos to begin with either. Now they can’t even talk about abortion without risking being arrested, you have a woman forced to carry a headless fetus unless she can go to Florida, then there’s the parentless 16-year-old in this state who isn’t “mature” enough to decide for herself if she should have an abortion, so she too may be forced to carry if she doesn’t find a way to get rid of it on her own even though children should be mandated to abort no matter what because kids shouldn’t have kids. Period.

Sometimes I really think we’re heading for a national ban on abortion and birth control, not to mention the shit that may come to the GLBT community and Jews. Even then, where there’s a will there’s usually a way (to abort) but that’s not the point. The point is that they shouldn’t have to. Men don’t have to so why should they? With Tom and very few other exceptions – FUCK MALES!

How far back into the Dark Ages do we have to crawl before this insanity stops? Really, how far down into the pit of depravity do we have to sink? How many more lives have to be ruined by people’s stupidity and twisted beliefs?

It’s been a week now and I still have the perfect manicure and pedicure. Worth every penny!

I don’t know if I could do either diet but sometimes I wonder if I might be better off going with alternate-day fasting when it comes time for me to get serious about it. I’m going to have to go to 1000 to 1200 calories a day if I were to eat every day and that’s going to leave me hungry as hell. So if I’m going to be hungry anyway I might be better off just not eating every other day and then I can enjoy having whatever I want on the days that I eat.

Again, the people here definitely don’t seem very friendly. One woman had an accident and was injured and asked if anyone was going to Winn-Dixie because she was unable to drive. She never got a single reply. But the same person asked if anyone had any decorative vases available and I told her that I did and I even showed her a picture of the vase. It was from my parents. I never use it. Even so, she never replied to me. Are there that many people that know of and are pissed that I’m annoyed by the redneck’s dog or am I just being paranoid?

It is so typical that as soon as I fall in love with a new product at a grocery store they stop selling it. We went to Publix the other day and it was the second or third time they didn’t have Chi Chi’s pina colada. I noticed that Walmart now claims to have it but I’d be willing to bet just about anything that I won’t get it. I think sometimes they advertise things they don’t actually have.

The money tree was starting to look a little shabby and I read that they recommend a medium planter for it which is 6” so we got a set of five planters on Amazon, each a different color. At some point, we’ll go to Lowe’s even if they make shopping a miserable experience with all the blasting music and pick out some more plants to go in the extra pots. I’m not going to re-pot the Rosemary, though, who also looks a little questionable now. I don’t know what it is with me and plants but hopefully they’ll both be okay.

Anyway, this is the fourth day in a row I’ve been tired and I have no idea why. I slept longer even though I woke up four or five times along the way. I did muster up a little energy to hit the road but I can’t because my headset can’t connect to the Wi-Fi and I don’t remember the password. He’s already gone to bed.

He got a mesh extender to hopefully keep Alexa from cutting out in the bedroom even though I don’t know that that was the problem to begin with. I really think something is messing with my sleep like it always has and therefore it’s more connected to that. Not how far the bedroom’s Alexa is from the router or whatever the hell it is. The sound of the mower didn’t wake me up today but the smell of fresh-cut grass did. Then I had to pee twice and then it seemed like I just woke up for the hell of it. Something up there definitely hasn’t wanted me to sleep well for most of my life. Sometimes I wonder if a lot of my problems as an adult have to do with some twisted form of compensation for not having to get up to an alarm every morning like everyone else under 65. I think I’d rather have pain than fatigue at this point. I thought the answer was extending my waiting time before having coffee but now I don’t know. If it’s my thyroid still not being good, why am I not tired every single day? I’ve been dealing with this for a year and a half now. Oh, I’ve had fatigue far longer than that but the heavier fatigue that interferes with my activities has been going on for about a year and a half or so. I wonder if I could have possibly caught covid and I’m having post-covid fatigue. I’ve heard that can linger for quite a while. I doubt it though. I guess it’s just age and my thyroid because there’s absolutely nothing to suggest that I have obstructed sleep apnea, cancer, heart disease, or anything else I can think of off the top of my head that may cause this. I’m not malnourished or dehydrated so I don’t know what it could be.

So I went premium with Sleep Sounds but the damn tracks are looping every hour and not 10 hours like I thought they were supposed to. If I want to find out if the problem really was being further from the router or if it could be Amazon, I need to go back to using Nature Sounds. At least then I can get my preferred sound and for 10 hours as long as it doesn’t cut out.

Surprisingly there isn’t a single thing new on the termite’s wall. With her profile set to public, I expected to see birthday wishes but there is absolutely nothing. I’m guessing Mark’s home by now and recovering there.

MONDAY, AUGUST 15, 2022 In reading around the park group, it seems that there are others who say that the people here don’t seem very friendly. That’s exactly what I was thinking. They definitely seemed friendlier at the other park. There were only a couple of people I didn’t like there. The grumpy old man who moved to Arizona and Melody. But I’ve definitely noticed this here, even though we’re not out as often as I was there. I think after you meet people like the scum we lived with in Phoenix, and the dominating tyrant that Stacey was, along with people like Ellie, Donna, and Rosemarie, it’s easy to think Westerners are worse in general.

I could be imagining it, but I get the impression the redneck, my new nickname for Steve because he totally looks the part, doesn’t like Toni much either. I don’t care if he has a problem with me because we came here for the weather and cheaper living, not to score points with the neighbors. I’m just glad that Toni’s so nice since she’s next to us and that no one’s on the other side of us half of the year. Really, I don’t have any hard feelings towards Toni because I knew up front that anything I told her could get around. Still, I miss Bob, Virginia, and the Twenties! Hell, even Crazy Dixie was better than the redneck and the honker. I’m not the least bit surprised there are more dogs here since it’s more customary to allow them indoors in the East whether their owners are rude, inconsiderate assholes or not.

I’m still going through and posting old journals for future publication. Actually, I’m sharing some now. I’m only doing it here, though. I’m so embarrassed when I think of how into the God fantasy I was in the 90s when I was young, naïve, and a lot more emotional. Things were so direr to me back then. The way I wanted so badly to believe that there was something up there I could pray to for good things to happen. The way I thought it was cursing me in every way possible. Maybe it was, but the fact that I dwelled on and obsessed over it so much makes me shake my head in sadness and embarrassment when I think back to those days. I guess we all do silly things when we’re young.

While I’ve never read or seen the show The Handmaiden’s Tale is based on, it’s kind of scary how life can imitate art. The author was told she was crazy to think that a religious takeover from the right could happen, yet we’re in the middle of that happening. Oh, I don’t know that it will get as far as in the book and show, but you never do know. I think if it goes that far, it’s not likely to happen while I’m still alive. I don’t think they’ll try to run the Jews out of the country, but again, you never do know. I think the blacks will still be the last ones they pick on. Their next target will be the gays.

They’ve been banning books like crazy too, so I think that speech is very likely to be targeted soon enough, but you know what? I’m not hiding and I’m not going to be bullied. I’m not gonna change my life for crazy people/laws. I’ll be damned if I’ll let anyone push me around. I gotta live my life and not worry about what may happen because I said this or I wrote that and someone had a problem with it. So yeah, I’m sharing things little by little. I skim the entries and if I don’t see sensitive info, then I don’t care who sees it. So if anyone wants to give me any shit about something I wrote in 1989, for example, they’re on their own. Meaning that they can send all the threats and summons they want but I will always refuse to succumb to that kind of shit. Always.

I had a dream they passed laws restricting women from wearing certain types of clothes. Maybe guys too, but definitely women because my tights became illegal and I refused to give them up and give in to crazy. Years ago I would have said this was an absolutely ridiculous dream that could never happen. Now I’m not so sure. Any country is vulnerable to ending up with the wrong people running it.

Three strikes and you’re out, Nature Sounds! They’re back to being erratic again, so I canceled them for good. I’ll use Sleep Sounds even though it loops every hour. I don’t like their version of underwater as much, so I’ll use either box fan or plane.

This is the second day in a row I’ve been tired. I napped, but it didn’t do me any good.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 13, 2022 The night before last I slept 9 hours and got a great sleep score. Therefore I was up later than usual. Last night, however, I didn’t even make 5 hours. Didn’t get the greatest sleep score either. So I’m too tired to accompany Tom on his walk which he’s taking right now. The humidity is lower because it’s been dry. I’m surprised since it is still peak storm season. It’s probably waiting until I’m trying to catch up on sleep before it storms again.

We got a $20 car vacuum and I vacuumed out the car as well as dusted it and wiped off some soda that spilled on the inside of the door.

My Steve paranoia wasn’t unrealistic after all. That old guy probably did see me waving to him too, and if it wasn’t for Toni telling me that some people don’t get the Hooter, I would probably think there was a connection there as well. Had a feeling my message was being ignored and not unseen. Me replying to one of Steve’s comments letting him know I DM’d him and that the message may have gone to his hidden inbox confirmed my suspicions when he ignored that too.

I still don’t get why people can’t handle reasonable requests. Why are they so sensitive and take things so damn personally? A simple “we’re working on it” would have been nice but he couldn’t even give me that much.

So, just like at the other park, someone in the office outed me to him. Or maybe they told him that they got a complaint and he just guessed it was me since Toni probably opened her mouth and discussed the damn dog with him. I was stupid to trust her. I knew it was a bad idea yet I stupidly went and confided in her anyway. That’s my first guess as to what his problem is with me. I don’t think the office said anything to him either way.

I only heard four barks today and I didn’t hear anything the last couple of days, but I’m sure that’s only because I kept missing it. If I’m in my back office with the fan on, I’m not likely to hear it. I would bet just about anything that if the park said people could do whatever we wanted with dogs, and if there was room for it, the redneck-looking bastard would leave the thing outside 24/7 no matter how much it barked or who it pissed off.

I meant to post this a while ago, but then Tom came back from his walk and we started talking. He said that toward the back of the park. Someone was blasting music really loud. You could hear it a block away. OMG, that would piss me off! I can’t believe that’s allowed and tolerated here. I know I read in the handbook that you’re not supposed to have any parties or anything that can be heard inside other people’s houses. He said this is the second time he’s heard it. It was rock music the first time and tonight it was Spanish music. I’m just glad they’re not near us!

The rope isn’t keeping the sheets from slipping, so now he got a couple of cheap straps that you buckle. This should be a lot tighter.

I also ordered K-cups, a new body pillowcase since the one I got pilled up big time, and my fourth new nightgown. I got one with green and white tropical leaves against a navy background. Another has a leopard print. Then there’s one with shooting stars against a navy background. The one on its way is solid blue. I may get one or two more. The next one I’m going to get is black. I don’t know if I’m going to get the gray one. They don’t have a colorful variety, but at least they fit in and are comfortable.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 11, 2022 Tom is out trimming the corner tree by the lanai and living room.

Yesterday I got fed up with the barking enough to message Steve, but as usual, it’s either gone ignored or unseen. There are still a lot of people that don’t know about Facebook’s hidden inbox which really pisses me the fuck off. They now let us choose whether or not to get messages from outsiders, so why not let them all enter the same box and let us decide whether or not we’re willing to see potential spam?

There were two barking sprees that I know of, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there were more. There were something like 20 to 30 barks both times and he did absolutely nothing to shut the thing up. He obviously cares if it’s heard in his home a lot more than in other homes.

I have no idea why, but I received an automated e-mail from Tabitha saying that it would be a good time to get my application going for a house here. Um, hello! I already live here. I just want you to make Steve shut his dog up.

My T4 should now be settled in. I’m not going to start calorie reduction until my TSH is settled in. First, I’m starting with intermittent fasting by narrowing the window in which I eat each day. I’m doing the 8-hour window that Aly once did before she got sick. When she wasn’t sick, she was naturally plump, so she sometimes only allowed herself to eat during 8 hours of the day. I’m going to start with that and then I’ll focus on ingredients and eventually calories. I’m already focusing a little bit on ingredients because I’m not having as much sugar.

If I could lose 40 or 50 pounds, it might really help my blood pressure. Maybe even my cholesterol. Right now, I don’t even see myself losing 10 pounds. I’ll find out soon enough, however, just how doable or not-so-doable it is.

I’m guessing my TSH is a 7.something right now. Still too high to bother with any serious dieting. I start to feel tears of happy and excited anticipation build up in my eyes when I think that the next test could possibly be my first normal test in years…without the epic anxiety. Trying not to get my hopes up too high, but what a thrill it would be to see green! I’m tired of those red numbers signaling that results aren’t normal.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 10, 2022 It still blows my mind to know that in 2007 we crawled into California in an old beat-up truck with barely a few hundred bucks to our name. 14 years later we flew out first class with many thousands.

Other things blow my mind in a bad way. In getting my Bing points, I came across an article about a Nebraska mother and daughter charged with aborting, burning, and burying the daughter’s fetus. Again, I can’t help but think to myself…I can’t believe I’m reading this shit.

The only thing I don’t get is why they waited so long since the daughter was over 20 weeks. Of course, Facebook had to throw them under the bus by sharing their DM’s with the pigs.

Began watching a show called Chambers. Not sure if I like it that much but I think I can stand to watch it.

We had quite a storm last night. It was very windy and very fast-moving. We lost power for 20 minutes so it’s a good thing I wasn’t sleeping then as well as in the afternoon and evening before. It was funny when I heard the dog make 3 barks and then Steve yelled “Shut up!” Nice to know he’s just as annoyed by his mutt as I am, but why can’t he do that when it’s on the street as well as at the door of their house and have the same consideration for others as he has for himself?

Later that day, the 3 barks turned into 30. As expected, I had to hear 15 barks this morning while golfing. The woman who lives with him doesn’t have the same last name. Assuming they’re not married, it would be so nice if they broke up and she took the damn dog with her.

No nightmares last night, but I had a weird dream involving my old ENT. I flew by myself to see her. I was in a large exam room and in the middle of the appointment, some guy was in the room for a second before he disappeared. I then asked the doctor if it was only once a year, could I continue to fly over and see her? LOL

TUESDAY, AUGUST 9, 2022 I let the pros take care of me today and got a pedicure with regular nail polish and then gel nails. It totaled $52. The place was smelly with all the fumes and the girl doing my pedicure was a little rough when massaging my feet, but it was otherwise a nice experience. The manicurist was friendlier. I got dark pink on my toenails and neon pink on my fingernails.

I have no idea why, but despite things going well for us, I was plagued with three or four negative dreams last night. I can’t remember all of them, but they seemed to mostly center around poverty. Hopefully, these aren’t signs of anything bad to come or else we may have a very bleak future ahead.

In one of the dreams, we shared a wall with Toni. It was a thin brick wall and there was a loose brick in which Tom hid a small stack of bills. I was concerned that Toni might discover it, but Tom felt confident that she wouldn’t.

No wonder this country is so far in debt. Sure, I can see them running out of retirement money eventually when you give 10 billion bucks to Ukraine. Really, what the fuck were they thinking?! Ukraine is not our problem, so we should stay out of it and take care of our own. They need to fight it out and figure it out on their own. We can’t be expected to solve everyone else’s problems for them.

Between inflation and our country giving away our much-needed money, who knows what kind of financial shape Tom and I will be in a decade from now or what our health will be like?

My TSH should be settled in by four to six weeks from now. So the next time they draw blood, I should find out if my 8-year dream is still just a dream or not.

MONDAY, AUGUST 8, 2022 On the road now and beach-bound for Howard Beach. We’ve never been there before. It’s closer than Honeymoon Island. It sticks out further into the gulf, too.

The magnetic lashes I tried would be a whole lot better if I could see what the fuck I was doing. I’m so blind, even with a magnifier! This is not your typical liner, but this thick gooey stuff you can’t even wipe off. It’s otherwise cool, but I think I’d rather try the old-fashioned sticky lashes or just struggle to apply mascara. I still have long lashes, they’re just thinner.

I have my headphones on now thanks to our attention-needy boom car stereo lovers. Decade after decade and still no one does anything about them. The concept of a “peaceful trip” is long gone.

Met up with Jessie in VR! We golfed together. It was so much fun and she even got to “meet” Tom. We both talked her through the course, giving her tips and pointers. It was funny because she was like me when I first started, hitting balls too soft or too hard. It takes time to get used to it. Practice makes perfect, as they say, and if it doesn’t, it at least makes better.

We went to Publix yesterday and they were out of Pina Colada. I want to mix my own drinks sometime and get one of those variety packs you mix with rum.

In park group news, someone left a rude comment on my post saying, “Debark dogs. How about devoicing you? Wow.”

So what if I clearly pointed out that not only does it not harm the dog, but they still bark, just not as loud? Can’t anyone look this shit up?

Toni shared a post on what’s currently available at the local animal shelter. I left a comment saying we were thinking of possibly getting a dog, it just has to be hypoallergenic and she “liked” it.

Yesterday my stomach went a little psycho on me, presumably from the greasy chips I ate the previous day. My stomach isn’t used to eating stuff like that. I got Merlot since they were out of Pina Colada. Plus, the chips and a candy bar.

In checking the news, I read that a pharmacist refused a woman the morning-after pill and won the case against him based on “belief.” Well, geez, can we all just kill someone and cry belief then? snorts in disgust

Then Indiana became the first post-Roe state to ban abortion and I just can’t believe I’m reading this shit and that this shit is happening in the US, and all in the name of some fucking fantasy and a God that likely doesn’t even exist, or give a shit if it does.

Great Beach we just spent over an hour on! Until a trio of ball-playing teenage girls ruined the peace, screaming like 5-year-olds. Got there shortly before 8. By 9:30 or so it started picking up. Loud music was blasting for a bit in the parking lot too.

We’re at the charger now. Baskin-Robbins didn’t have the ice cream flavor I wanted to try. So I got stuffed chive and onion mini bagels instead.

He’s looking on his phone for a larger Walgreens. They downsized the one by our place to add doctor’s offices. If I can find it, I’d like a bottle of Bacardi white rum so I can get some cocktail mixers from Walmart and be a one-time “bartender.”

Anyway, I really like this beach and it opens at 7. What I like best about it is that I don’t need my water shoes. The sand wasn’t soft and powdery but wasn’t littered with sharp shells and large rocks either. The sand was kind of packed, making jogging on it easier. Tom shot some VR footage with his new camera, sure that he wants a nice one someday.

The water was the stillest we’ve experienced so far. A slight negative is all the seaweed. Most of it was along the shoreline, though. Saw several minnows too, unlike at the other beaches.

It only costs $5 to park rather than $8 at this place.

It was cool and cloudy. I regret wearing sunscreen because I probably got no color at all.

Overall, it was fun and gorgeous despite those that came to ruin our peace, and one plane after another flying overhead. I swear these days it’s not a matter of being able to avoid being under a flight path since they fly everywhere, but a question of how high the flight path is that you have to live under. They have kayak rentals plus these things with big wheels that you paddle. Not sure how the big wheel thing works, but we want to try it sometime.

We’re back home now. We stopped at Walgreens, but they only sell wine now and not liquor. The lady said very few of their stores carry liquor. So we went to a liquor store and I got a 750-milliliter bottle of Bacardi white rum. It was $13.00. Better than the larger bottle for $22.00 that I was originally going to get. I didn’t realize I could get one that much smaller. With our next Walmart order, I’m going to get a variety pack of eight different mixers. There’s Mojito, Hurricane, Rum Punch, Bahama Mama, Mai Tai, Pina Colada, and Blue Hawaiian. I’m sure I’ll love them all.

It’s a good thing I checked because notifications haven’t been coming in lately. Debi, the woman who commented on my comment said she worked for a vet and swears that debarking is cruel for a dog and causes much postoperative pain. She asked where I got my info. I told her I googled it, not that Google can always be trusted. I also assured her debarking wouldn’t be my first choice. I would prefer to train the dog with bark collars. Whatever, though. I’m not gonna argue with a stranger or defend myself to anyone.

Ooh, look at that. Steve joined the group. Is his timing a coincidence or could it have to do with my comment? Then again, I don’t even know if he knows my name to begin with. Not unless Tom or Toni mentioned it and he happened to remember it.

Watching season three of Haunted. They say they’re true stories and I wonder how they’re verified.

Shelley, a girl in her late 30s in Oregon that I’d been friends with on PB for quite a while, and eventually Facebook, dumped and blocked me. Funny because I was considering cutting ties with her because her paranoia was really getting to me. Because I was sharing links to some of my entries on Facebook, it freaked her out even though I assured her that only a few friends could see them, none of which were hers. I don’t know what it is she’s hiding, but whatever it is, she doesn’t want her boyfriend to know about it. Some people really need to get over themselves.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 6, 2022 Still getting radio silence from the office about the newsletter and I can’t believe they’re not getting the messages. They’ve gotten my message in the past and “Cindy” got a newsletter after she complained so yeah, someone in the office is connected to Steve.

I messaged Toni and asked who delivered the Hooter and she gave me a couple of names I wasn’t sure I recognized. Then she told me she didn’t understand why half the park doesn’t always get their copy. So it isn’t anything personal against me. I didn’t really think it was.

She also told me about a group on Facebook for residents and I joined the other day. Looks like one of the administrators is Marjorie, the one on the welcome committee who welcomed us to the park last year. There are something like 257 members and the group is a couple of years old.

Steve isn’t on the member list but his wife or girlfriend or whoever she is is on it.

The very first post I saw was funny. A lady wrote: Again to you ignorant people who just don’t get it yet. KEEP YOUR DOGS OFF MY YARD. LET THEM DO THEIR BUSINESS ON YOUR YARD. That means whether they are doing #1 or #2.

LOL, I commented: I don’t mind if a dog pees in our yard because it soaks into the ground. I also don’t mind if they poop as long as the poop is picked up. What I do mind is barking. Fortunately, it doesn’t go on and on for hours like in other places I’ve lived in but some dogs are loud and I think bark collars or even getting the dog debarked, which doesn’t harm the dog or stop them from barking but only from being loud enough to hear in other people’s houses, would be a considerate thing to consider.

Hopefully, Julie will see it and she and Steve will be more considerate, but I doubt it. I still wanted to put that out there anyway. It only got one reaction. A “surprised” reaction by a woman I’ve never heard of before. Why was she surprised, I wonder? I guess she doesn’t hear barking every day. I’ll admit I haven’t heard it for the last couple of days, but that’s only because of where my schedule is right now.

I ran the honker’s name in the group. I couldn’t find him before because I was spelling his name wrong. It’s Darryn, not Darren. Looks like he got married last month. But I swear his girlfriend was a brunette, not a blonde.

He lives below Toronto, just left of the Buffalo, NY line. I was just thinking about that too, and how I was hoping they didn’t break up (assuming his bride is Carrie with a dye job) because too much time on his hands may mean more shit for me to have to listen to.

It just hit me that on the honker’s wall, it said he went to a university in 1982. That means he’s actually older than me and not younger because I was 17 in ‘82. His bride looks like she’s in her late 30s to early 40s.

Irma is also in the group.

Where they spited you at the old park for complaining, I guess here they just ignore you, so I’m not the only one being ignored. Someone complained to the office about dogs shitting in their yard and the office ignored them until they sent a picture of some mutt doing it.

Toni also told me that an old guy named Al lives across from her. She said it took him five years to say hello to her, so maybe that’s why the guy sitting in Steve’s carport didn’t wave back when I waved unless they just didn’t see me. I don’t even know that that was the neighbor. It might have been someone else who lives here. Or maybe it was someone visiting or who lives with them because Julie was offering up a walker for sale and I can’t believe she used it for herself.

Decided to start making some of my LJ entries public because there really is no reason not to. I’m even going to allow anonymous comments, but if there’s any spam that will stop.

It’s been hot, humid and stormy. We went for a bike ride early yesterday morning. It was humid, but tolerable as opposed to walking.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 5, 2022 I’ve been pretty tired these last few days. Just not sleeping well. Slept a little better last time around, but after I worked out the fatigue set in again. We’re still going to go on an early morning bike ride.

Jess got her VR headset but doesn’t know what to do with it. She’ll figure it out. She must have made some progress because she sent me a friend request, even though I told her to give me the name of her username beforehand because I don’t accept just anybody. However, her obsession with Disney made it kind of obvious.

I’m going to discontinue the CoQ10 for a while. I’ve been noticeably hungrier lately and I think it’s tied to that. Since it’s not helping my blood pressure, I might as well stop it.

Better yet, maybe I’ll give it a little more time since my blood pressure was almost normal when I just took it. The high end of normal anyway.

Andy’s mom is 95 years old and healthy. I asked him if he took any other medication besides cholesterol meds, and he said they told him his blood pressure was a little high when he was in the hospital and that if blood pressure medication is recommended, he’ll take it. He also rubs some kind of testosterone cream into his arms at times because he stopped being able to get off at 43. Plus an occasional pill when his hands and feet swell from too much sodium.

I chatted with Kim and the reason she didn’t want to discuss things on Facebook wasn’t just that she was telling me things about Heather but financial things as well that she didn’t want documented so they couldn’t be used against her. As fucked up as it is, if you’re on Disability, the people you live with and their income counts as money you’re making even if you’re not the one making it. She said Heather made a lot of money as a banker at a restaurant and then she became the owner of it. How the hell does an 18-year-old manage to own a restaurant?

Anyway, Disability wants her to pay 8k back. Oh, I remember Disability and their bullshit overpayment notices. Nonetheless, she’s really stressing about that and the fact that she was trying to save money for repairs needed around her house which is pretty old. It was built in the 1930s.

The Heather saga doesn’t make much sense. I guess when Kim asked to go to her graduation that’s when she said she was done with her and wanted no contact. I suspected the husband or some other family member had something to do with her dumping such an easygoing person like Kim. Kim said she didn’t know if it was teenage hormones or what, and then sure enough, she said Heather hates Jim, her husband. She’s been telling her to divorce him for years because he’s supposedly an introvert who’s not social and is non-praising. I guess he talks loud too and Heather is very sensitive and perceives it as yelling.

I don’t know Jim, I don’t know Heather, and I don’t live in the household to see what’s going on but it doesn’t seem like enough of a reason to dump your parents. You dump them because they’re doing the shit my parents did, or worse. So my guess is there’s something more going on, even though she says he’s never been physically abusive. IDK, maybe Heather’s just a spoiled brat.

I’m kind of surprised Kim would go for a guy as she described. She’s always seemed to prefer outgoing guys. Isn’t that why she left Mark; because he just wanted to sit around and not do anything?

Despite her having a depressing few months, it was great to talk to her for the first time in over 20 years. I reminded her that we met 30 years ago. It’s been that long!

She called me while navigating the turnpike to go home. She said she was coming up to an area with bad reception and I said that was no problem because the timer was about to go off so I could have my coffee and she said, “Oh, you’re going to have a cough a cuppee?”

LOL, she remembered the joke that Tracy K, wherever she may be these days, started.

Started watching a limited series called Keep Breathing. It’s good so far. It’s about a girl and two guys that crash in a small plane in the Alaskan wilderness. She ends up being the only survivor.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 4, 2022 So Kansas decided to write abortion protections into their constitution. But if I understand things correctly, they can continue to one-up each other and take away the state’s right to abortion. Also, a federal ban, which would ban it nationwide, is in the works. Remember, it’s not what the people want, but what the people running the country want. So I wouldn’t be surprised if it passed. Each side will keep trying to outdo the other. So even if the federal ban is passed, I think it will continue to bounce back and forth like most people’s rights seem to do these days unless they’re black. After centuries of religious brainwashing, I just don’t see people quitting policing women’s bodies. It’s just fucking ridiculous that people have to make other people’s personal decisions for them.

Galileo says that while the decision to take BP medication is up to me, leaving it high can lead to complications in the future. But like with cholesterol, what are the odds of me actually having those complications, and when? As we know, just because something could happen doesn’t mean it will. And if it does happen, it may not be for 20 years anyway. They asked if I would at least be willing to switch from a wrist to an arm cuff. I hate those things. I don’t know what I’m going to do yet.

I have more to write about, but I’m too tired to do it. I haven’t slept well for the last few days. When stupid me woke up to pee, I figured it was late enough for there not to be any thunder, but I was wrong and ended up getting shorted an hour or two of sleep. We had a dry spell for four or five days until yesterday. So I don’t expect to sleep well until I get back on days.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 2, 2022 Even though I slept for 7.5 hours and got a high sleep score of 92, I woke up tired for some reason. I don’t know why. I’m still waiting an hour after taking my medication.

Last night I went clubbing with all five characters. Amelia is still my favorite. I think my second favorite is Mo. It’s a tie between Miss Aubrey and Hart. Oblio is my least favorite because he’s just boring. It’s true that there are only so many songs, the wardrobe only has so many outfits, and we can’t change the characters’ outfits or “walk” through the club, but it’s otherwise fun. It’s not only a good cardio workout, but it’s like meeting up with the same friends at the same club. LOL

Jess ordered her VR headset, so we should be meeting in the virtual world soon!

Kim and I were going to chat, but she ended up too tired by the time she finished doing everything she was doing. She’s always been a very busy person and never home. She doesn’t want to discuss the Heather situation on Facebook so she’s going to call me. I told her I wouldn’t be up before 8:00 tomorrow.

Loving the new Pretty Little Liars show on HBO. None of the original cast is in it. I love the mystery and all the twists and turns. I don’t like the regular mention of race, of course, and I don’t think teenage motherhood should be promoted either. I’ve always been against the idea of kids having kids and firmly believe teenage pregnancies should be aborted. I’m not going to change that just because today’s society is anti-abortion. Just another one of those hip and in trends that are politically correct, ya know? eye-roll I prefer to do what I believe is right, not what’s “normal” or in style, etc. Kids just shouldn’t be having kids. And neither should those who can’t afford them or have severe psychological problems or alcohol/drug addictions.

Galileo messaged me wanting to follow up with my BP readings and asked if I would take one now. I just did 3 readings and the upper number was 158 the first time and 161 the second and third times. The problem is I just ate. I’ll relax a little longer and take one more reading, and I’ll let them know that I just ate.

Okay, so after a bit, I was able to share a snapshot of the blood pressure cuff with readings of 156/91. I definitely have mixed emotions about this, LOL. They’re kind of pestering me but at the same time, I love it. It’s 2:30 in the morning, so it’s like having a full-time live-in doctor and it makes me feel safer. But I did remind them again that I don’t like to treat anything that doesn’t have symptoms because I’m prone to side effects. I considered lying about the numbers at first, but one of my biggest pet peeves is lying. I hate liars. Pretty little liars, ugly little liars…I hate them all. I used to be more okay with it, but now I won’t lie about anything unless it’s absolutely necessary. It really has to be for his/my/our own good to get me to tell a lie that isn’t exactly white. Casual lies like saying I’m fine when I’m really pissed about something if someone passes me on the street and asks how I’m doing is one thing. Giving doctors false information is another.

This is the second month in a row we didn’t get the Hooter. My paranoid side says it’s connected to Steve, but come on. He can’t possibly be friends with that much of the park. I know he’s tight with someone in the office because of the way they ignored my message, which was rather unprofessional, to say the least. But he can’t happen to be friends with someone in the office and whoever delivers the newsletter, can he? If he’s behind it, what did he expect? Just like I could ask the freeloaders in Phoenix, what do you expect when you’re noisy or you have something that’s loud that your neighbors hear every day, even if it doesn’t go on and on for hours?

My realistic side says they’ve got someone new delivering the newsletters and they’re missing our house. Because we’re at the part of the street where it forms a T, it would be relatively easy to do, depending on the direction of your route. If it was because Steve can’t handle my being annoyed by the barking, then Toni wouldn’t be getting a newsletter either because they’ve discussed it way before I even mentioned it to her.

MONDAY, AUGUST 1, 2022 We’re planning to go to the beach at the end of the week. I was considering stopping writing until then but then decided not to. I like to keep my entries even and consistent and not write in big chunks. I’ll work on my story on the road like I did last time.

Tom really likes the VR webcam and says it’s way better than he thought it would be. Even the difference between a $40 air pump and a $60 air pump is amazing, so he says. He pumped up the tires on the bikes because we want to take them out early tomorrow morning. I still prefer riding when there are fewer people and not much traffic. It will be cooler then too.

We both agreed to give up sugar for a while and I’m going to cut way back on carbs. I don’t want to cut them out completely. That would be very hard to do anyway as it would with trying to cut out all cholesterol. I don’t want to give up potatoes and I don’t want to not put creamer in my coffee since I can’t stand black coffee, but I can trade the bananas in for blueberries and stay away from pasta and bread.

I got a Rosemary plant from Walmart. It’s a nice-looking plant. It’s much easier to chop the needles than it was to chop the basil leaves from the basil plant that died.

Thunder only woke me up twice in July, which is way less than I expected. Let’s see how I do with that in August.

Part of receiving Medicare meant that he could get some free gifts. I think it was $80 worth of health-related stuff, so he got some lotion, dental toothsticks, and some other things. The only expensive thing he got was a new thermometer. I guess this one is easier to use and high-tech. It talks to you and tells you what your temperature is.

Kindle Publishing came through after all, and I received $24 in royalties. So that easily covers my Dance Central app.

I received some shocking news from Kim B even though she didn’t go into detail. Like many people, she’s afraid of Facebook and doesn’t want to say too much there. She won’t even leave audios. I offered to have her call me, but I guess she turned in for the night. I told her she could also go back to the old-fashioned way of doing letters if she wanted. I’m always curious as to what’s going on with her and wish she lived in my town. I really miss her!

So she asked how I was and I told her that I was better and that the anxiety had backed off considerably since we slowly ramped up my dose and that my TSH was coming down. How is she doing, I then asked her and she said that there was quite a bit of drama, but things are settling down. I told her I hoped it wasn’t serious and she said that it was, but she guesses that was just life. I asked if it was OK to ask what was going on and she really surprised me. I thought she was going to tell me something bad happened to her health-wise. Instead, it’s that her daughter isn’t talking to her and wants absolutely no contact whatsoever with her. This really blew my mind because Kim has always been so easygoing. Doesn’t swear. Doesn’t get moody. Doesn’t get emotional or dramatic in any way. So what in the world could she possibly have done to piss off her daughter that much? The only thing that comes to mind is that it’s got to involve her husband. Like maybe he did something to her that she didn’t handle the way her daughter would have liked. Kim has always been tolerant and accepting and isn’t pushy in any way, so if it was something like her daughter seeing someone she didn’t like, she may voice her opinion, but she wouldn’t demand she stopped seeing them. Whatever it was that happened, I can’t believe her daughter, who can’t be more than 20 years old or so, would cut her out forever. Hell, I didn’t even cut my own parents out forever and they were abusive. Literally.

OK, now for the bits and pieces of the dreams I remember. It was one of those dreams where one dream kind of morphed into another, even though they were all part of the same dream. I went to the ER to investigate something. I might have wanted to see if someone was working there. I was by myself and I wasn’t sure I wanted Tom to know what I was doing. I feigned stomach pain to get in.

Then Aly was beside me and she didn’t look well. She said she needed water. I called out to the many people in the room for someone to get her some water. Suddenly we were outside and a cop reached into his cruiser for some water. Still not looking well, I asked her what was up, and then she started listing off a bunch of things about me. Her tone of voice suggested they were things that annoyed her and she was trying to make a point. The only thing I remember her mentioning was that I supposedly wanted to run while drunk. My dream self laughed at this one with confusion because Tom had mentioned me saying the same thing. The dream ended before I could find out whether or not she was going to dump me.

Why are all my dreams of her usually negative? Or just these vague weird dreams? Why can’t I have a dream where she happily tells me that there is no afterlife, or that there is, but it’s so wonderful that she’s actually glad she died at 40 instead of 80 and that she can’t wait to meet me there because we didn’t get to meet in real life?

Then there was another dream where I was staying in a hotel room with my mother. It was a long room that had four twin beds along one wall. My mother was sleeping in the third to last bed by the inside wall. I had been sleeping in the one that was the second from the outer wall in which a corridor ran. I thought of moving to the bed by the corridor to be further away from her snoring but I didn’t want to be closer to the corridor either.

Then I was roaming the property between my first childhood home and my grandparents’ house and wondering what it must have been like for them when we were gone to Connecticut for the summers at our beach cottage. Did they feel lonely with us gone? Less safe?

In the last dream, I was getting dressed up to attend a dinner party. I was unusually self-conscious for some reason and I wanted to get my outfit just right. I had dyed my hair bright red in the past and it had grown out so that only the tips of my hair were red and I thought it looked cool.

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yharnamsnewslug · 7 months ago

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I've lost countless friends.

When I came out, everyone was extremely happy for me, and supportive. It felt like I couldn't encounter anything bad with my friends backing me up. A friend of mine, we'll call him A, began his transition a year before me - almost exactly a year before me! It made me envious and I kept it inside, thinking I'd never get to medically transition, but he stood beside me and helped me out, helped me reach my goal. I felt incredible, when I got that first shot. I cried a bunch, and felt so elated that I actually threw a party.

It made me sad when....a lot of my friends didn't show up? A lot were saying things like "sorry, I'm busy" which was understandable, but I later saw a lot of them had an Instagram story about being at home bored that night. Some of them were telling to truth, but... a lot weren't. All my trans friends did show up, and we're the loudest and happiest. They still are - even my best friend, a trans woman, whose hands shake like mine did whenever A talked about medical transition. I've vowed to help her to the very end to achieve medical transition as soon as she gets a job.

As I began to get further along into transition, I felt incredibly relieved in looking at my body - I could see A's timeline and feel mine moving along that line. With less of a beard, with more body hair, but still the same. It made me start to look up to him as a goal, a realistic one that didn't mean cis men or fictional men hand-picked to be incredibly attractive.

But the more masc I got, the more comfortable I was with my deeper voice, my shitty beard and my thicker shoulders, the more some of those friends began to pull away from me.

I remember specifically a friend of mine from High School who was dating A at the time. She'd fallen into the radfem route of "wlw relationships are more pure" and "I'm a twit star who constantly talks about LGBT+ issues and berates other cis people about how trans exclusive they are". And it felt.... like a fucking crack in my heart when she gave A the ultimatum of "either we go open relationship (she called it polyamory, but in the past and until a few months ago she'd been ADAMANT that she never could be polyamorous) or we break up". And like, A didn't want to break up, he loved her, and he also wasn't polyamorous and couldn't do an open relationship so he said 'hey, if you're really that tied down and don't want to do this, let's break up.'

She went ballistic on him. Called everyone that was mutual friends with the both of them to say that HE broke up with her and get this.....because of toxic masculinity. She said he had a fragile masculinity and that he couldn't stand that he had turned from a nice butch girl into a raging mid boyfriend.

She said this to me. To me. Face-to-face.

I remember just sputtering out that she was a raging fucking transphobe and never to call me again. She grabbed my arm, tried to explain that I didn't understand "the kind of guy he'd turned into since he took testosterone" but I remember like, in the middle of the fucking street just wanting to spit at her.

A is autistic, sweet, mild-mannered and since he took T, he's never had anger issues again. And she knew that, because she'd been dating him since before he even knew he was trans. I knew that. We all fucking did. He was doing amazing.

I realized she was the one who had been telling him that he was awful in that moment. He'd been so fucking sad in the last months and I was just looking at her and at her twitter-rotted fucking brain and I told her plainly and clearly, "I hope no trans man ever comes near your misery-loving fucking ass."

She won't talk to me anymore. And no matter how much I or A try to explain things, most of the cis women who were friends with us and also that girl would believe us, even though we have proof of texts and texts and texts and even her own Twitter. She lied, she painted him as some roid-rage monster pumped up on testosterone and she still fucking won.

Because people already think of us trans men like this.

She lied about me punching her, too. I've a history of punching people (Nazis, mainly, and bigots in high school), that one is easy to believe. But also nobody asked me my side, they just believed everything she said. I had to leave Twitter when a bunch of cis lesbians began to harass me over there due to what SHE said. And they were all cis lesbians whom, I later found out, convinced her (bisexual) that she could only be a Real Feminist if she didn't date men anymore.

I lost a lot of friends over taking testosterone. A lot. But that one always hurts the most.

❗️❗️ This is asked entirely in good faith. This post is intended to open dialogue and help with solidarity and understanding. ❗️❗️

I would like to hear specifically from trans men and trans mascs how the system of [whatever the fuck you call the intersection of transphobia, misogyny, and specifically your gender- whether transandrophobia, isomisogny, antitransmasculinity, transandromisia, transmisandry, or any that I have missed as there are a lot of words to describe similar concepts] uniquely targets and affects you. Things that you feel other demographics do not experience. Reblogs and replies are very encouraged! If you would prefer, you could dm or send an ask to be added anonymously by me.

This is in the spirit of wanting to understand. I am listening. I encourage all non-trans-mascs to not speak on this topic and let trans mascs and trans men do the talking here. Reblog the post to spread it, but please say nothing.

Any and all people who identify as trans men and/or trans mascs are encouraged to participate.

This is not bait to start a fight. I will block without hesitation anyone who is actively being a shithead on this post. I want to hear and uplift your voices by getting it directly from you.

Click this to access the trans fem and trans women version of this post.

#transandrophobia #long post #sorry for the huge story

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urluvl · 3 years ago

Text

•Tinted White Roses•

•yandere jimin(bts)

•gender neutral (they/them)

•oneshot

•TW? violent, possessiveness, toxic relationship, major trust issue, bipolar af, yelling, glass, slight talk about blood, a bit of name calling

“Sometimes, love can only continue to a certain point!” Their streaming tears stuck and balled on their eyelashes.

Jimin looked frantic. “What? Why, why do you want to leave me (Name)!?” He ran his fingers through his dark hair in frustration.

”Jimin, you have done so many things to make me leave.” (Name)’s voice broke, “And you know it too! You knew how this relationship had grown toxic, and we can’t just ignore it forever!” A loud sob rippled through their throat as they yelled. They were exhausted— mentally and physically.

Jimin screamed harshly, no words formed. It caught (Name) so off guard that they stumbled back into the door of their shared apartment. They clutched the back pack, full of important belongings as well as clothes, tightly against their frame in a protective manner. Jimin started yelling and pacing around. (Name) couldn’t quite make out what he was saying other than the words “ruined everything“ and “slut”, nothing kind. His steps boomed through the doorway.

Then he stopped and it fell silent, eerily so. He pick up a vase from the coffee table in the living room. (Name) sucked in a breath when they saw him arch back. He threw it forward and it shattered inches away from their toes. Once again it went quite. More tears drizzled down (Name)’s cheeks and jaw.

After a few for seconds their delayed reaction arised. “What the fuck!” (Name) screeched pushing themselves farther into the door. They knew this conversation wouldn’t go well, but never in a million years did they think it could go so south… that he would go so ballistic. Although, the break up needed to happen. Jimin had become to much to handle on their own. He had slowly grown more possessive and jealous as months flew by. He was trying to control their life, but they were still young, independent, and reckless— maybe that was also the reason they didn’t spot the red flags.

(Name) loved him a lot, she really, truly did, but love can only lead a person so far until they reach their breaking point. And (Name) had reached that point far to long ago.

The white roses, that had once sat in the vase, were strayed out in front of (Name). They had been their favorite. The white roses could signify or represent a new, more positive beginning or even ever lasting love. Jimin had brought them to (Name) last Tuesday. It marked the day of their three year anniversary. It was supposed to be a wonderful day— it should have been. (Name) and Jimin should have went out of a date or at least watch movies and enjoy each other’s company. But that wasn’t what Jimin had wanted, it’s always what Jimin wanted. He wouldn’t even allow them to leave the appartement for dinner. (Name) had begged him, it had been so long since their last real date, but to no avail he stood firm on his no. (Name) had placed the white roses into that vase on that day. The flowers had looked graceful and beautiful, but now they were wilted and brown. They were dying… just like (Name)’s beautiful, yet blind, love.

”Did our relationship mean nothing to you?! I bet you can just throw these last three years in the trash!” His words stung like venom in an open wound. “I guess you never loved me anyway!” Jimin’s words reminded them of the harsh words their mom had used to gaslight them their entire childhood. It brought back unhealed pain. He continued pacing around the door way. His breath unsteady and heavy.

“Yes, I do love you! And no this relationship meant so much to me! You mean so much to me Park Jimin!” (Name) took a deep shaky breath before continuing, “And that’s the fucking problem! I hate this relationship! I hate that i feel like i need you! I love you so much that i hate it! This isn’t healthy!” They rubbed tears off their swollen, red face as they screamed ugly curses out. “I hate you... i’m done.” They stuttered.

Jimins head snapped back at them. In an instant he had his hands on both sides of (Name)’s torso. His fingers gripped tight. “Oh, so now you hate me?! I dare you to say you hate me! Say it one more fucking time you bitch!” He was shaking (Name) vigorously. Their head and back hitting into the door repeatedly. They felt as if they couldn’t breath; he was knocking the wind out of them. They felt weaker and weaker— it was luck they didn’t pass out. Everything felt hazy for (Name). Sobs fell off their lips as they coughed trying to steady their breath.

”Stop!” (Name) put forth effort to yell, but their words came out broken and breathy. Their vision so blurred they couldn’t clearly see their own shadow. Jimin slammed them into the wall once more before letting the person he calls his soulmate fall against the wall and slid down. They shook violently. (Name) couldn’t bring themselves to get back up and continue fighting, so they sat in a pile of broken glass and dying white roses.

Jimin had seemed to walk off in the direction of their shared bedroom— hopefully to cool off. They knew they should take the short chance they have to get up and leave, but at the moment they just wanted to rest.

When (Name) looked at the floor again, there was a small pool of sticky hot blood around their shaking legs. Not much, but enough to make them feel sick in their stomach. Their limbs had been quite badly scratched by the glass vase, and the once white roses were now soaked red. The adrenaline must still be present considering (Name) only felt small stings around their body. They felt almost numb.

After a while of sitting, though still shaken, (Name) felt slightly more calm— on edge but calm. Although it only took Jimin walking back into the room to cause panic to arise again and their stomach to turn. “Oh, no!” Jimin walked quickly towards (Name) before squatting down in front of them. “My poor baby is hurt.” His voice softened as if talking to a young child who had gotten a scrap on the playground, nothing like it was before. (Name) let out a small, defensive sob. He reached his arms out carefully, and he then picked them up gently. Jimin shushed them as they trembled. (Name) wanted to thrash, scream, or do anything in protest, but they we’re scared because of what had happened a few moments prior.

Jimin carried (Name) to their shared bathroom; placing them down on the cold, marbled counter top. A light shiver went up their spine. He opened the two cabinets above (Name)’s head, and grabbed a small hand towel. After turning of the faucet and letting it run for a minute to get it warmer. Jimin dampened the rag. He rung out the excess water, and tapped it gently on their small open cuts. He smeared off the blood as (Name) sniffled quietly— it stung. Jimin sat the towel down once he was done and bent down, pulling out a drawer, and took out bandages, a bottle of rubbing alcohol, and a few cotton pads. He sat them down beside them and poured a bit alcohol on a cotton pad. Jimin disinfected (Name)’s wounds slowly. When the damp pad made contact with their skin, they flinched. The liquid bubbles and simmered at the surface.

Jimin finally smiled. “There! all better!” He stuck the final bandage on (Name)’s knee. They must of had at least fifth-teen others scatter around their limbs, mostly legs. Jimin gave them a small, quick kiss on the forehead before holding both sides of (Name)’s face. “Now, you won’t scare me like that ever again.” He paused. “Right my love?” His voice was soft and gentle, but (Name) could hear the malicious intent behind the sugary sweetness. There would be a much bigger punishment in store if they didnt comply— at least for now.

”Never.” (Name)’s voice was weak and frail, “I love you.” A fake smile spread across their face.

Jimin gave back a bright smile, and pulled them into a tight, suffocatingly so, hug. (Name) ran their hands through the back of his hair, tangling their fingers in it. The embrace felt right, yet they knew it was wrong. It felt right to hang on to him, to hold onto what’s left of their relationship. Although, the longer they stayed the more tangled they were.

”I love too, (Name).”

• • •

(plz read)

i hope you like this! it’s my first post on here so sorry if it’s a bit lack luster

i wrote this a while ago, so i rewrote it to use here

also sorry if i’m a little organized atm, but ill eventually but i’ll eventually make a masterlist and come up with a system of when and what exactly i want to post (although i’ll only write yandere kpop things for example oneshots, reactions, ships, drabbles, etc)

ill also be taking requests :)

i can write about most groups and most things (although i dont do smut because i’m not comfortable writing it atm)

anywaysss bye bye loves! <33

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abduct-me-helen · 4 years ago

Text

r/legaladvice

Posted by u/ebouchard 2 months ago

My husband has embarrassed me at the annual institute holiday party for the last time. I want another divorce.

My husband, soon to be ex-husband if all goes as planned, was leering at an archival assistant the other day. He also had a bit too much to drink, and started talking about various…personal activities that I would’ve preferred be undisclosed. Now, I’ve divorced him before, but this time he seems fit to antagonize me and not sign the papers. Not just that, but he’s also disappeared, which isn’t uncommon but is still frustrating when I’m trying to divorce him. He always gets in a hissy fit when I divorce him, but this time he’s just being petty.

Is there a way to divorce him without needing to track him down in order to have him sign the papers? He’s the captain of a ship and when he gets…petulant, he often sails for a few months before returning to his moorhouse. During these times, it’s notoriously hard to contact him, much less find him.

tl;dr: my husband ran away in an attempt to be petty and now I can’t divorce him. What do I do?

Edit: Please stop making remarks on the healthiness of our relationship. It’s none of your business, and we are perfectly fine.

Edit: We got divorced again since I made the first post.

Edit: We are now remarried again.

crawbed008 3.1k points · 2 weeks ago

| He always gets in a hissy fit when I divorce him, but this time he’s just being petty.

wait, what do you mean by “always”??

ebouchard 1.5k points · 2 weeks ago

whenever I try to divorce him, he acts petulant.

sisenore_k 675 points · 2 weeks ago

do you divorce him often lmao???

ebouchard 1.2k points · 2 weeks ago

yes.

[expand]

getsome_69 352 points · 1 week ago

op how many times have you two gotten divorced so far

ebouchard 2.1k points · 2 weeks ago

six, though there were a few we didn’t go through on legally.

kokobura2 126 points · 2 weeks ago

SIX??? good god op why do you even keep remarrying

ebouchard 1.5k points · 2 weeks ago

money.

stonks 782 points · 2 weeks ago

i know op in rl and the real reason is that they’re the

only people willing to put up with each other

[expand]

r/relationship_advice

Posted by u/bigboyman 1 month ago

I (48M) feel like my husband is very clingy and I’m a person who needs solitude to survive. What should I do?

My husband is always talking to me. I just want to be left alone, but he just keeps on scheming. He’s always ranting about hiding tapes and the watcher’s crown and it is getting tedious having to listen to his, well, words in general.

How should I ask for more space?

poorandtiredbutyolo 2.2k points · 2 weeks ago

I have a clingy partner too, and what I do is set clear boundaries. I also make sure to set time towards my partner outside of those times when I’m alone, like having dinner every night and having movie/games night once a week.

bigboyman 1.5k points · 2 weeks ago

I interact with him far less already then I would if I did that.

asunachan3 203 points · 2 weeks ago

how much do you talk to him?

bigboyman 1.5k points · 2 weeks ago

at least once every three months

asunachan3 203 points · 2 weeks ago

and you’re MARRIED?!???

bigboyman 1.2k points · 2 weeks ago

I know, it’s a lot. You see why I can’t stand him being so clingy?

[expand]

tania9 421 points · 2 weeks ago

from reading the replies, I can only assume you hate your husband.

bigboyman 1k points · 2 weeks ago

despise, actually.

[expand]

Pastasauceandspagett 608 points · 1 month ago

I don’t know how OP could possibly salvage this relationship if they hate each other and only talk every three months.

bigboyman 4.2k points · 1 week ago

The wedding is in four days.

Allicecarter2002 4.2k points · 1 week ago

I thought you were already married??

bigboyman 4.2k points · 1 week ago

oh, we got divorced about a week after I made the post and then he proposed again a week after that.

[expand]

r/pettyrevenge

Posted by u/notjonnydville 3 weeks ago

I had my archival assistants spit in his tea.

My boss is a huge bastard. He is just, awful. He always looks like you’re amusing him but in that kind of way where he’s looking like you like a meal. He is just a horrible human being. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if he killed someone. That’s the kind of person he is.

Anyway, I usually try to keep a professional relationship with my assistants but a few nights ago they invited me to go out for drinks with them and my friend blackmailed me into it. We got hammered. It was a truly…special experience. Ever since then, I’ve been on better terms with them. We even have a groupchat.

The situation goes like this: he’s been ranting to me for the last hour about things I ALREADY KNOW in that pompous, annoying voice of his. Anyway, I texted one of my assistants, I’ll call him M, and M comes in mid rant. I very sternly ask “why haven’t you made [our boss’s name, I’ll refer to him as E] tea yet?”

I kind of put him on the spot and he just stayed there with his jaw dropped. I told him to go make E a cup of tea, so he scurries out.

I wait about 30 seconds and then discretely text the groupchat: “spit in his tea M.”

Anyway, they go absolutely *ballistic* and T, another one of my assistants, sprints halfway across the building (I hear he even knocked into our secretary), just to spit in E’s tea too. My last assistant is a bit wearier but she does it too.

M comes back with the tea and hands it to E before quickly leaving. A few minutes pass and E still hasn’t touched his tea.

So I remind him that M makes very good tea and he’d be disappointed if E didn’t drink it.

There is a quiet battle of wills.

Now, I don’t know how to put this without sounding insane, but our boss…he just *knows* things. He’s psychic, or something like that. There is absolutely NO way he didn’t know the tea was messed with. He knows, he knows I know, and we silently stare at each other without moving.

Finally, *finally*, still making direct eye contact with me, he takes a sip of his tea and purses his lips. I ask him if he isn’t thirsty.

He says he isn’t, and leaves the room. I never did find out what happened to that tea.

tl;dr: I got my archival assistants to spit in my asshole bosses’ tea. It was glorious.

leavemealone 2k points · 2 weeks ago

holy *shit*, OP, did you ever get in trouble????

notjonnydville 2.1k points · 2 weeks ago

he didn’t have any evidence, so no.

maya_herse331 782 points · 1 week

did he ever try to get revenge?

notjonnydville 7.1k points · 2 weeks ago

he framed me for murder, but I’m still not sure if that was directly related.

[expand]

#tma #the magnus archives #lonelyeyes #reddit #fanfic #fanfiction

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tatooedlaura-blog · 3 years ago

Text

Apple Balancing

Life is back, jam-packed with M&Ms, Scully family shenanigans, terrible things, and wonderous ones ... this series picks up maybe two weeks to a month after series three finished ...

Sorry for the delay ... life happens ... hope you enjoy :)

First series … Second series ... Third series

@today-in-fic

&&&&&&&&

“How close to home are you?”

“About ten minutes but at my rate of anger, I could make it there in four if I ran.”

Scully, baby strapped to her chest, paper plate of apples resting on his sleeping noggin as she read paperwork, “do you need to go to the shooting range before you get here? Take out some aggression on paper bad guys and ballistic foam?”

Mulder, for his part, was sitting in summer traffic, sweltering in the heat, Jeep air turned off to save gas given his empty light came on 24 miles ago and panic not yet overtaking anger at sullen, bitching temporary agents who told him, the ballsy pair they were, that they didn’t think a job in the basement would lead to anything but a dead end.

“I do not need the shooting range but I do need a hefty glass of something cold and to hold the kid for a few minutes. You, too, if available, but at least the kid.”

“Starting to regret this whole ‘find minions so you can come home alive’ scenario yet?”

“Ask me once,” car horn blaring and Mulder yelling obscenities out the windows, colorful and plentiful before coming back on the line, “I’ve showered and gotten gas.”

“How low are you?”

“I’ve got about three miles left in the golden zone, then I might be calling for a refill. Prep the baby for a rescue mission.”

“I’m using him to balance my apples right now but afterwards I’ll put on his cape and we’ll be good to go.”

Finally smiling, having seen the apple balancing act before, “have you read the files yet?”

“Going through them again now. I hate to say it but that Doggett guy is starting to look really good. There’s also a woman named Harrison in here that seems decent as well. Doggett would be the gritty, no-nonsense one and she could play the role of you.” Finishing her last bite, she tossed the plate on the counter and smudge-wiped apple juice drippings from her son’s nose, “we’ll argue it when you get home.”

Finally, finally, finally having pulled far enough along in traffic to coast his way into the gas station, he breathed a stifling sigh of humidity-laden relief, “it’s fucking hot out here. Why aren’t we at the beach again?”

Hearing the sound of the gas pump, she sighed herself at not having to perform requested rescue mission in the 100-degree heat, “give me twenty minutes to pack and we can be on the road by 7. I’ll bring the files, you bring the lead foot.”

“Don’t wave that temptation in my face, young lady. Too hot to fight it.”

“Who said I was kidding?”

&&&&&&&&

Good to her word, she met him at the door twenty minutes later, baby stuff, her stuff, his stuff, food stuff, all that stuff he liked ‘cause it was stuff, piled beside her, “go change your pants. We leave in five.”

He stopped on the front stoop, “you were waiting for me.”

“Always.” Smiling and kissing him as she reached out to pull him inside, “now get your ass upstairs.”

He would have done more to her but given they were on the front porch and in broad daylight and he was soaked to his socks and underwear in sweat and there was a baby between them and stuff would be poking him in the back and his parts, he simply returned the kiss and hauled up the steps.

Sooner than later, he was back in the car, driving east, feeling the pull of a cottage and his family together, work disappearing behind him in the distance, except for the pile of files Scully had stashed in her bag and they weren’t talking about those just yet. Will was sleeping in his seat, facing away from them, mirror showing he was still there and not crawling through the luggage in the trunk. Scully was offering peanut M&Ms to Mulder one at a time, intermingling red licorice twists and grapes, an odd mix in general but highly enjoyed because he had the chance to kiss her fingers, lick her knuckles, taste her skin, “are you trying to make me fat?”

“Trying to keep you awake … besides, the grapes are healthy. It all evens out in the end.”

“I remember a time when you were better at math and made me eat more salad.”

“Would you like me to throw the M&Ms out the window?”

“God, no. Feed me more.”

&&&&&&&&&

Pulling over once for diaper changing and once for real food, they rolled up to the house just before midnight, the ocean air filling the car 20 minutes before they found the driveway, the waves waiting to greet them until he’d shut off the Jeep, giving an instant, relaxed atmosphere and friendly darkness to the late night.

“Did you pack my suit?”

“Don’t want to swim naked in the ocean?”

Reaching across and poking her cheek, “you are saucy as hell today which I love but sand issues notwithstanding, I don’t want fish and sharks nibbling on my balls.”

She couldn’t respond to that except to nod, her grin giddy and free, “I have your suit, never fear. I remember the diatribe on sharks and your balls, believe me.”

“Want me to empty the car before you bring Will in?”

“All you have to grab is his crib, his diaper bag and that red suitcase. Everything else can wait until tomorrow.”

“Aye, aye, cap’n.”

He carried the necessary stuffs in in one major armful and Scully followed with Will, all three soon in respective beds, sheets changed, windows open, baby snoring lightly on his back, Scully snuggled into Mulder, thin pajama barrier between them, “I’ve forgotten how much I love it here.”

Moving her head back to kiss his chin, she kept her voice low, “We need to come here more often so that doesn’t happen.”

“Are you proposing we winter-fy this place and move permanently?”

“Remember what happens when either of us it tempted?”

“We get married; we make babies; we take spur of the moment trips to our seaside shack …”

Interrupting briefly as she guided his hand to her mouth then down her neck, “you buy seaside shacks and show up in the middle of Iowa with stuff and say we’re going on a road trip …”

“I am quite wonderful, aren’t I?”

Lifting her head enough to make sure Will was good and asleep, she wiggled and shifted, turned and waggled until pajamas hit the ground in a silent earthquake of things to come, “a few more weeks and I’ll be able to show you just how wonderful you are but for right now, I can still do plenty of things to you.”

Glad to be able to just touch her, the prospect of anything more made him grin, “two weeks.”

&&&&&&&&&&

“It’s the end of June. Why is the water not warm?”

“Have your toes frozen off yet?”

“Well, no, but …”

Mulder grinned, digging his feet into the sand, “then it’s warm enough.”

“Not for a month-old baby, it’s not.”

“Well, he’ll get his water wings next summer or at the earliest, you’ll both be in by August. The ocean’s a big place, woman, it needs time to heat.”

Wishing she could swim, she instead handed Will to Mulder, gave him that defiant look that sent every one of his molecules into overdrive, then walked into the waves, going as far as her shorts hem would allow, then racing backwards out of reach of the waves. Coming back to him, legs wet, toes coated in sand, “I never said it was too cold for me.”

Glancing no further than her nipples showing through her tank top, “it’s a little too cold for them.”

Head back, laughing, “you have a one-track mind, Agent Mulder.”

“And it’s tracked on you. Now, we’ve got things to do: sunnin’ things and swimmin’ things and eatin’ things and nappin’ things. Which do you propose we do first?”

Settling Will in his shaded nest, “the sunnin’ things. Lotion me up.”

“Ahh, just the words I wanted to hear.”

#msr #life part 4 series #Scully and Mulder and Will oh my #babar #x-files fanfic #xf fanfic #My writing

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rekrappeter · 4 years ago

Text

there’s so much you don’t know

pairing: fred weasley x fem!reader

summary: after the death eaters swarm bill & fleur’s wedding, fred can’t keep his feelings at bay in fear that something might happen

warnings: mention of war, mentions of torture, mentions of death, swearing, typos, small bit of angst, fluff

notes: please let me know what you think of this, feedback would be amazing thank you

The woman that stared back at you in the cracked mirror was someone you barely recognised in that moment. It was surreal that a purple dress hung loosely on your body, your hair pinned to how you wanted it, and the make-up that decorated your face was hiding the heavy bags and stressed acne that the past few months brought. Everyone thought it was deranged to have a wedding in the current times, when the wizarding world was falling apart, but everyone also knew they needed a distraction. People needed one night to themselves before everything went wild. ‘The calm before the storm,’ Arthur Weasley forced a smile during the conversation at dinner a week ago.

“The calm before the storm,” you whispered to yourself, trying to zip your dress up from behind with unnecessary struggle. You have been sharing a room with Hermione and Ginny for the past week, helping Molly prepare for the wedding and calming Fleur down in moments of madness. Walking over to the ajar door, you called out Hermione’s name and when there was a steady silence that followed, you tried Ginny’s. But no one answered your calls for help until a head popped out from the room just above you, looking over the ballister.

“Everything okay, love?” Out of everyone that was scattered around the house, of course it had to be Fred Weasley. It wasn’t that you disliked him or held any cynical feelings towards the older boy, it was the complete opposite in fact. When you met his younger brother, Ron, on the train during your first year at Hogwarts, you never expected to fall madly in love with his family member. It was hard not to fall for Fred when he introduced you, and at first you pushed it off as a crush but here you were, nearly seven years later, with a blush painting your cheeks and the nauseous butterflies swirling in your stomach.

“I’m okay, have you seen Hermione anywhere?” you called up to him, trying to calm your heart before it jumped out of your chest - that would be a gory sight that you weren’t ready for.

“I heard mum call them out help with the decorations,” Fred replied.

“Great, Ginny as well?”

“Yes, y/n,” An amused smirk tugged on his lips, watching your eyes dart between the stairs and his face. He found it entertaining that you couldn’t keep eye contact with him, after seven years of knowing each other he would have thought that you’d have warmed up to him by now. “Do you need my help?” Before you could make any noises of protest, Fred was already bouncing down the steps to your door.

You knew there was no use in objecting to his offer, you had to get your dress zipped up before going downstairs and if he was the only person available to help, you’d have to suck your feelings up and get on with it. You brushed your hair over your shoulder, exposing your bare back, and turned so that Fred would understand what you needed help with. Because your back was to him, you missed the way he gulped at the sight of you, a red tint painting his cheeks. You gasped as his fingers trailed over your back, and he muttered an apology about his cold flesh but it wasn’t that that made you lose complete control, it was the fireworks igniting in your stomach at him touching you. The dress slowly started to tighten around your body, hugging your curves nicely as he zipped it up agonisingly slow.

“Thank you, Fred,” you mumbled when he finished, taking one big step to create as much distance between your bodies as humanly possible.

A small smile rested on his lips, his eyes flickering over your figure, “You look beautiful, y/n.”

“Thank you,” you repeated, and you used this opportunity to take in his own appearance. He had his flaming red hair brushed back neatly, and the way the hair contrasted against his black suit made him look even more dashing than he usually did. “You look very handsome, Fred.”

Fred bowed playfully, making you roll your eyes and giggle, before accepting his outstretched arm and letting him walk you down the stairs to join the other. You caught the eye of Ginny who gave you a wide eyed look, sneaking a wink in your direction when Fred bid you a quick goodbye before dancing out to where George and his other brothers were getting ready to lift the marquee.

“What was that?” Ginny swayed to your side, she bumped your shoulder with her own.

“Nothing, he just helped me with my dress when you were no where to be found,” you snapped playfully, walking out to the garden and taking in a deep breath of the fresh air.

Ginny filled her mouth with a pig in blanket, wiping away the crumbs to hide the evidence. “Oh, I heard you, I just knew Fred would be there as well.”

“Ginny!” you gasped, the sudden outburst made George and Fred glance in your direction, but you didn’t notice, too focused on their little sister being a minx. “Will you ever stop playing cupid? It didn’t work last year, it won’t work this year.”

“You two are both just stupid, you’re in love with each other and won’t do anything about it.”

“She’s not wrong you know?” Harry chimed up, stepping out of the door behind you and you shot him a glare.

“What’s this? Gang up on y/n day?”

“That’s everyday,” Harry smiled, complimenting you before turning his attention to Ginny. You rolled your eyes at the pair, who were they to talk about being too oblivious to notice when someone was in love with you?

After a beautiful ceremony that announced Bill and Fleur newlyweds, the golden chairs that decorated the tent slowly started to disappear and the walls that kept all the guests inside opened up, highlighting the beautiful orange sky that was settling over the countryside. You excused yourself to go back inside the Burron, embarrassed of the tears that were streaming down your cheeks. Weddings always made you cry, it was a weakness that you never wanted people to know. The thought of two people expressing their love and promising to spend the rest of their lives together made you emotional.

When you returned, the party was in full swing. You scanned the crowd, seeing Ron and Hermione dancing together, well Hermione was the one dancing. You couldn’t make out what Ron was doing, it was a mix of a jig and a waltz, his arms swaying in the strangest of directions. You spotted the disguised Harry talking to Luna Lovegood, sending a small wave her way when she caught your eye. You tried to look busy, hoping she wouldn’t make her way over to you. When you spotted Fred, your heart leaped with an ache at the sight of him dancing with a distant cousin of Fleur’s. You tried not to focus on how beautiful she was, her long blonde hair swaying as Fred laughed and spun her around. You quickly grabbed a glass of Elderflower wine off the tray as the waiter passed you, downing it in one gulp.

“Slow down there, princess,” George smiled at you as he walked with you to an empty table, but before you could take a seat, he grabbed your hand and dragged you over to the dancefloor.

“George, you know I don’t dance,” you whined, pouting up at the taller boy.

“You can stand on my feet, I’ll do the moves,” You hated how you were so comfortable with George yet you could barely string a full sentence when Fred was around. You tried your best to follow George’s lead before you gave up and stood on his toes, his feet a lot bigger than yours.

You let him spin you around, laughing at his comments about the women’s hairpieces and how he wondered if he was at a wedding or a zoo. It was a lighthearted conversation, something that you needed to distract you from his twin dancing with an angel on the other side of the room. Everytime George spun, your eyes automatically found Fred’s figure, the curiosity getting the best of you. George stopped spinning you, his back to Fred as you found yourself looking over his shoulder at him.

“He’ll come to his senses soon,” your eyes flickered to George’s, feigning confusion but yu knew exactly what he was talking about. “He feels the same as you do, he’s just in denial.”

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” A bellowed laugh erupted from George’s lungs, his red hair bouncing as he shook his head in amusement. “Shut up, G,” you hissed, as curious eyes landed on the pair of you.

“You think I don’t know how you feel about my brother? It’s painfully obvious, love,” you groaned at his words, the dancing soon stopped.

“Then what’s wrong with me? Wh-Why doesn’t he like me?”

“Have you ever told him?” George questioned, the frown on your face giving him his answer, “And he does like you, it’s disgustingly cute. Trust me, the sooner you two get together the better. I can’t keep losing sleep because he can’t make up his mind on which way to tell you.”

“Really?” you piped up, any doubt you’ve been experiencing over the last twenty minutes completely vanished. George reassured you, about to make another comment when a bolt of blue flickering light ceased any further excitement. It took you a moment to notice the patronus in the centre of the dancefloor.

“The Ministry has fallen. Scrimgeour is dead. They are coming.”

In a heartbeat, chaos erupted around you. Guests were yelling for their partners, others disapparating as far away from the Burrow as possible, and your wide eyes glancing up at George as the Death Eaters stormed the marquee. You pushed through the crowd, your fingers intertwining with George’s as your eyes scanned the crowd trying to find the missing twin. Spells were being casted from every angle, members of the Order protecting guests but they were too strong. A hand grabbing your free arm made you jump in surprise, but relief washed over you when Fred’s eyes connected with yours. Immediately, you felt safe.

Hours had passed, each member of the Order getting interrogated by the Death Eaters that swarmed the reception. You had excused yourself from the worried eyes of the Weasley family, and the tears spilled from your eyes the moment you shut the door to the bedroom. You knew you were being watched so you tried to stay away from the window, sliding down the uneven wall and bringing your knees to your chest. Your heart was beating rapidly due to the fear washing over you.

The door to the bedroom creaked open, Fred popping his head in as he sent you a sad smile. “Are you hurt?” he asked, sitting down across from you. His long legs folded in front of you, the blood drizzling from a cut just above his eyebrow.

“M-my wrist is sore, it could have been worst…” you whispered, you were thankful that everyone was safe and no one was harmed as much as you would have expected from the Death Eaters. "How is everyone downstairs?"

Fred sighed, his head hanging, "Everyone is a bit shook up but at least we're alive."

An unexpected sob passed by your lips, your hands visibly shaking at his words. The thought of losing anyone in this house sent shivers down your spine, but you only just realised now that it is a possibility. Someone could have died tonight, someone could die tomorrow night. The war was happening and there was nothing you could do about it. "W-we're only kids," you sobbed, unconsciously falling into Fred's side as his arms immediately wrapped around you. He nuzzled his head into your hair, muttering words of reassurance as he let you cry on the floor. His fingers rubbed circles around your bare arms, the dress that was once so beautifully ironed creased and torn at the ends.

Silence stretched around the room, the sound of your sobs echoing off the four walls. Fred thought carefully about the words he spoke next, he was fearful that he had left it too late. But the possibility of not making it out alive settled within him tonight, the fear of taking his feelings for you to the grave overcame the fear of being rejected by you. "Y/n, I have to tell you something."

You leaned your body back from him, panic written across your features but the light smile on his face seized any worries. "What is it?" You whispered, moving to lean on your knees beside him. Your heart was pounding against your chest, you were praying and hoping that this was going in the direction you’ve dreamt about for years.

Fred heaved a heavy sigh, his head falling back to hit against the beige wallpaper with a bang but he didn't care. His eyes stared into yours, watching how your tongue danced across your bottom lip and how your eyes were flickering from his to his mouth. There were no words to explain how he truly felt about you. Instead of speaking, Fred jumped forward and connected his lips to yours within seconds. Your eyes were wide, his were too but when neither of you pulled away, your eyes fluttered closed and you relaxed into his body.

His arms lay limp at his side before you shuffled closer to him and he brought his hands to cup your face. You shifted to rest both of your knees on either side of his body, the kiss deepening and it was everything you dreamed of. You lost count of the amount of times that you’ve dreamt about this moment, the countless nights you’d stare at the ceiling hoping and wishing that this would happen. When the fight for air became too much, you pulled away from Fred. A twinkle appeared in his eyes, his lips twitching to a smile as he breathed out in disbelief.

“Why did it take you so long to do that?” you asked, your hand caressing over his face as you brushed away a couple of strands of his hair.

A pink blush settled over Fred’s cheeks, and he sighed placing his hands on your waist. “If anything happens to me, I just wanted you to know how I feel about you.”

The reality of what was happening slowly draped over your shoulders, your heart heavy knowing that blood will be lost during the upcoming war. The thought of losing Fred when you’ve only just got him made you want to never let go of him, the idea of running away and leaving flashed through your thoughts but you knew you couldn’t. Neither of you would abandon the people you loved. “We’ll get out of this alive, all of us.”

The look Fred gave you made your heart shatter into tiny unmendable pieces. You were living in a dream, and you knew it, but you wanted to hold onto hope until you took your last breaths whether they come in two months from now or twenty years. “Some of us have already died, there will be more to come.” It hurt Fred to speak the truth, the thought of losing you was something he wasn’t equipped to deal with just yet.

“Can we just have tonight then?” you whispered, looking longingly into his eyes as you brought your lips to his again. He nodded into the kiss, his hands trailing up and down your body as he brought you closer to him. He’d die happy if it was in this moment.

#fred weasley #fred weasley fluff #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley x reader #harry potter fandom #hp #harry potter #harry potter fanfic #weasley twins #weasley #fred #fred x reader #fred weasley fanfic #fred weasley one shot #fred weasley x y/n

1K notes · View notes

jxsatlas · 3 years ago

Text

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐏𝐀𝐋𝐀𝐃𝐈𝐍 ⇢ keith kogane, ch. 2

keith kogane x gn! reader – previous, next

DISCLAIMER! this story does not originally belong to me, the author is @MaddieWolf37 on Wattpad. i have simply received permission to rewrite and continue her story. go and check out her profile for the original version!

SYNOPSIS! a story in which you are thrown into the middle of an intergalactic space war and have the undesirable weight of being a symbol of peace dropped on your shoulders. but maybe if you look past the constant danger and endless fighting, there's some good to being a paladin of voltron.

MATURE CONTENT! swearing, violence, gore, war, graphic descriptions, mentions of self-harm

The roof..? you think to yourself as you watch Pidge disappear through the stairwell. The three of you give it a moment before following him up. Your footsteps will echo loudly in the enclosed stairwell, and you have a hunch that it won't be good if Pidge hears you at this point.

So you try to climb the stairs as quietly as possible, but you still make some noise. It's hard not to when there's three of you.

You reach the top and Lance opens the door leading to the roof slowly. Pidge sits close to the edge of the roof, surrounded by various types of tech. His figure is silhouetted by the glow of the screens.

Lance shoves his hands in his pockets and sneaks up to Pidge, who doesn't hear your brother's approach because of the bulky green headphones he wears.

You and Hunk walk out onto the roof. You shiver slightly from the breeze, wishing you had put on some longer pants.

Lance grabs Pidge's headphones and pulls them off of his ears. "You come here to rock out?" Lance asks, causing Pidge to jump five feet into the air. He relaxes when he realises it's just you three.

"Oh, hey guys," he says.

"Hello," you say and give him a friendly wave.

Lance looks over the tech. "Hey, where'd you get this stuff? It doesn't look like Garrison tech," he asks, furrowing his brows.

Pidge smirks. "I built it," he says with pride.

Hunk's interest is piqued. He steps closer and starts looking over all the things Pidge has laying around him. Although Pidge has to smack Hunk's hands away a couple of times to keep him from touching his stuff.

"With this, I can scan all the way to the edge of the solar system," Pidge explains.

"All the way to Kerberos?" you ask with a smile as you join Hunk, your eyes sparkling with curiosity and awe.

Pidge hangs his head a little and grumbles at the mention of Pluto's moon.

Lance irks. "You go ballistic every time that's brought up! What's your deal?" he asks in an annoyed tone, but Pidge is hesitant to answer. "Look, we can't have any secrets between us if we wanna bond as a team," Lance says as he puts his hand on his hip.

Pidge looks down at his hands in his lap for a moment, letting Lance's words settle in. He sighs and looks up at the three of you. "Fine. I'll tell you."

He looks back at the objects laying around him and picks up a small notepad. You can't see what's scribbled all over the page as he holds it close to his chest.

"The world as you know it is about to change," Pidge says ominously, looking back at us. "The Kerberos Mission wasn't lost due to some crew malfunction. So, I've been scanning the solar system and picked up alien radio chatter."

"Aliens?" your eyes widen.

"Wait, aliens? Like the little green dudes? Or something bigger and meaner? Like Predator?" Hunk questions with fear, but Pidge only shrugs. This makes him uneasier.

Lance, however, isn't bothered at all by the mention of extraterrestrial life. "Okay, so you're insane," he insults.

"I'm serious," Pidge says sharply, glaring at your brother. "They've been repeating one word, Voltron," he says as he holds up the notepad.

Scribbled on the page with various coloured pencils looks to be something straight out of a Transformers movie. The word Voltron is messily written in big letters above it.

"What is it?" you question, taking the notepad from Pidge's hands. You stare at it. "It looks like a warrior or something."

"It's a superweapon," Pidge answers, "And the aliens are crazier about it more than I have ever heard," Pidge says, turning back to his tech.

"How crazy?" you ask.

The school alarms start to blare the moment the words leave my mouth. A voice crackles over the loudspeakers placed throughout the campus.

"Attention students!" the voice says. You all pause and listen, wondering silently if this has something to do with what Pidge was talking about. "This is not a drill."

You swallow. For some reason, the coincidental emergency announcement makes you uneasy. You grab onto your brother's sleeve in hope of a bit of comfort.

"We are on lockdown," the voice informs. "Security situation Zulu Niner. All students are to remain in barracks until further notice."

The voice repeats the announcement a couple of times, making you feel worse. Whatever it is must be serious.

Hunk stammers, pointing to something in the sky. "Is- Is that a meteor?" he asks wearily. "A really, really big meteor?"

You look up to see a giant bright ball falling towards the earth. Your heart climbs up to your throat and a worried expression takes over your face. Are those the aliens Pidge has been talking about?

Pidge grabs a pair of binoculars he had sitting next to him, using them to look up at the object burning up in the atmosphere.

"It's a ship!" Pidge exclaims.

Lance reaches over and snatches the binoculars from Pidge, taking a look for himself. "Holy crow! That is not one of ours!" he says.

"No, it's one of theirs," Pidge says with awe.

You watch it shoot across the sky, crashing down to the earth in the far distance with a loud boom, a trail of smoke behind it. For a moment, you just stare, trying to process what just happened.

Is this real? Or is it just some dream?

Lance jumps up excitedly. "We have to check out that ship!" he shouts, grabbing your wrist and dragging you to the stairwell. Pidge quickly packs his tech into his backpack and him and Hunk race after the two of us.

"Is that your idea of team bonding?" you ask.

"Yeah!" Lance chirps happily, racing down the stairs with you, Hunk, and Pidge trying to keep up with him.

﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋

The four of you are now perched upon a ledge not too far off from the crash site. The Garrison had beat you to it and were guarding the area heavily. They have the ship loaded up on a large, flatbed truck and a big, science tent set up off to the side. Scientists and high-ranking Garrison officers walk in and out of the said tent and you wonder what they have in there.

Did they find something? An alien? A strange artifact?

Pidge types away furiously on his laptop while Lance surveys the area with a pair of binoculars. You and Hunk sit back, tired and not really wanting to be there. Your head rests on his shoulder and you start to nod. The boredom you feel from the lack of interesting events is getting to you.

How long have you been there exactly?

"Hey," Pidge says, looking back at you and Hunk. You jolt out of your half-asleep state and sit up. "They set up a camera inside and I managed to hack into it and pull up the feed."

You stand up and stretch, yawning as well, and walk over to Pidge. You plop down beside him as he adjusts his position so you can all see his computer screen.

Your eyes widen when you register what you're seeing on the feed. A human man is strapped down to a metal table, his eyes darting around frantically as he struggles against the metal restraints.

He looks extremely familiar and his name is on the tip of your tongue, but you can't quite make out what it is.

A couple more scientists walk into the tent, joining the one that's already in there. They start to prepare a few things, and now that he has an audience, the man starts to shout a few things.

"Shiro, calm down," one of the scientists says, walking over to the man and placing his hand on his shoulder. "We just have to keep you quarantined until we run some tests on you."

"Shiro?" You say under your breath, the identity of the man now clicking in your brain. He was the pilot on the Kerberos mission. Him and his crew were pronounced dead about a year ago. But obviously, that isn't the case, and Pidge knew that for some unknown reason. Shiro is alive. Are his crewmates alive as well?

"Do you know how long you were gone?" a scientist asks.

"I don't know! Months? Maybe years?" Shiro answers frantically. "But we don't have time! Aliens are coming, they're probably on their way right now! They'll destroy us! We have to find Voltron!"

The four of you share a look of shock at the mention of the superweapon, wondering how Shiro knows about it.

"Sir, take a look at this," a scientist says and gestures to Shiro's right arm. "It appears his arm was replaced with a cyborg prosthetic."

The other scientist nods. "Alright. Put him under until we know what that thing can do."

Shiro jerks his body, pulling against the metal restraints at those words. "No! No! Don't put me under! There's no time!"

You watch with wide eyes as the scientists inject an anaesthetic into Shiro, not heeding a single word that comes out of his mouth. You definitely would, seeing how blatantly obvious it is that Shiro was captured by aliens.

"They didn't ask about the rest of his crew," Pidge says, a frown tugging down at his lips.

Lance furrows his brows. "They aren't even listening to him! That guy's a legend," he says.

"We have to get him out," Pidge says.

"Wait, weren't we just watching the feed because we couldn't get in?" You say, raising a brow at the others. "Plus, the place is heavily guarded. It's a miracle we haven't been spotted yet."

"True, but now we're properly motivated," Lance says and holds his chin in his hand. "We can come up with a plan."

Silence only gets a second to settle before Pidge perks up. "Oh! Maybe we can get some hazmat suits and dress up like scientists and sneak in!"

"That could work," You say with a shrug, "But I don't think they have spare suits just lying around in the open desert."

Pidge shrugs. "It's an option."

"Maybe we could tunnel in?" Lance suggests.

"That'll take time we don't have," you say with a roll of your eyes.

"I have an idea!" Hunk announces and you look at him. "Why don't we head back, dress up like chefs, sneak into the commissary, and have a late-night snack?"

"Food does sound appealing," You say and place your hand on your stomach. It's been a few hours since you have eaten dinner and you can feel a minor hunger.

Lance shakes his head. "No, what we need is a distraction–"

You scream when large explosions go off in the not-so-far distance. The loud, booming noise hurts your ears and you slap your hands over them, hoping to muffle it out. You squeeze your eyes shut out of fear.

When it's quiet, you peek through one eye to make sure everything's okay before opening both. Your hands fall to your lap as Hunk starts to panic.

"Were those the aliens? Are they coming for us?" he asks wearily.

"No. That was a distraction," Pidge says and points to something kicking up dust. "For him!"

Pulling up on a red, hoverbike beside a boulder near the tent is another person. Almost immediately you recognise the dark mullet and red jacket, and your brother seems to as well.

"Oh no," Lance growls and jumps up to his feet. "He is not beating me in there!" he says as he slides down the steep side of the small cliff.

Your brother runs towards the tent.

"Who's he?" Pidge asks, shoving his stuff into his bag once again to chase after Lance.

"Keith!" Lance shouts.

"Are you sure?" Hunk asks, following after him.

"Oh, I'd recognise that mullet anywhere!"

You roll your eyes and chase after Lance.

You know Keith as well. He was one of your classmates until he dropped out halfway through the school year.

He was top of the fighter pilot class with you just under him. You always got a score a few points less than his, and secretly strove to surpass him.

You were actually on pretty good terms with him though, seeing as your instructors liked to pair you up for team activities. The two of you were more promising than the rest when working together, so it made sense.

As you run towards the tent, you wonder what he's been up to. And if he even remembers you.

#voltron #keith #keith kogane #fan fiction #fanfic #x reader #keith x reader #vld #vld keith #vld fanfic #voltron keith #voltron legendary defender #gender neutral reader

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 year ago

Note

AITA for asking my friend to stop telling me about her partner because I’m secretly in love with her?

I (25X) have an unhealthy tendency to develop feelings for friends of mine that are in relationships. It’s a coping mechanism of sorts, since I can have the feelings without ever having the pressure to confess since they’re already in relationships, and I can just pretend they like me too.

Anyhow, a friend of mine (24F) I knew in highschool has been dating this guy (35M) since she turned 18, and I do not like him at all. I have voiced my complaints about him and the nature of their relationship and how they got together (both worked together part time from when she was 16, he was 27) and that I was concerned for her. We got into fights about it years ago (3 years ago iirc), only because of the age gap and because I disagree with some of the bf’s political stances, but they’ve been together for 6 years now.

Before she moved out of state, we reconnected and started talking a lot more, and have been for about 8 months. She’s been a lot more comfortable sharing some of the other stuff her bf has done. He’s manipulative and abusive in all sorts of ways (mostly verbal abuse and blackmail, ex: he’s sent her nudes to his friends before to humiliate her for not “behaving” properly), and she’s told me about how much she wishes she could leave him, and I mostly just offered support. But as we continued to talk, we both used each other for emotional support and started flirting a lot and talking about how much we meant to each other and I ended up catching feelings for her.

For a while it was fine, but then a few weeks ago she stopped talking about how much her bf sucked and was telling me about all the expensive things he buys her and trips he’s going to take her on and it’s pretty much all she talked about, and it just made me so uncomfortable. In the past when she did this I was uncomfortable because I disliked the guy, but now that I know more about him and I feel for her deeply it makes me so irrationally frustrated.

So this is where I might be the asshole. I told her I really didn’t want to hear about her bf unless she needed to vent about him. She went ballistic on me in DMs and lashed out about how she wants to be able to share the good moments of her life too, and that she’s proud of her bf for “changing his ways” and that he “hasn’t even been harmful for a few weeks”. I told her that I don’t trust him at all, that I don’t like him and I’ve never liked him and she accused me of not wanting good things for her. I told her it hurt me to see her so hurt when he’d lash out, and she told me that when you love someone you’re willing to see the good in them even when they’re bad.

Part of me feels like if I hadn’t had feelings for her I would have just let her ramble about her bf, because she’s right she does deserve to be happy. But I just hate him so much that I’m suspicious of anything good that comes out of him.

I’m 100% aware the boyfriend would be an asshole here and groomed her, but my question is more if I’m the asshole for what I said to my friend, like if I should have just sucked it up because she’s already having a hard time already or if I was okay to ask that.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #grooming cw

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austarus · 3 years ago

Text

Harrison Wells (Eobard Thawne) x Reader Ballistic Confrontations (1/3)

**A/N: The picture/edit/gif belongs to me!

Yes, I’m alive.

*TW: mentions of suicide, drowning, and cutting. Along with Eobard being a dramatic bitch*

Word Count: 3184

Part 2 Part 3

Felicity deadpanned with Harry beside her on one of the Cortex monitors. She had glanced to all her friends. “The bottom line is that we have to catch these parallel-earth goose-steppers.” Everyone was well aware of her dislike towards Nazi’s. The things they had done on this earth to her ancestors and to people like her. Utterly Disgusting.

“This might help,” Barry stepped in, holding up a blood-stained arrow.

“Is that a kryptonite arrow?” Kara’s sister, Alex, unfurled her arms as she gently took the lethal arrow away from him.

“Yup,” Barry responded with a sigh, hands at his hips while the others rounded together. He felt exhausted from chasing around Eobard while Kara and Oliver dealt with their doppelgangers. Years later and he still wasn’t fast enough to stop the yellow speedster.

“I know I shouldn't have to ask this question, but I have to ask this question.” Felicity interjected with quick words; worry seeded in her chest. “Oliver didn't shoot Kara, did he?”

“Sort of,” Barry replied, further clarifying with a face. The days just keep getting worse and worse with these parallel-dimension-hoppers. “The other Archer and flying woman are Oliver and Kara of Earth-X.”

“When you said that Earth-X was horrible,” Caitlin glanced back at Harry, who had raised a hand in mock defeat, “you might have undersold it.”

“Wait a minute. How- how could there be another Kara?” Alex was thoroughly confused; she was still new to the concept of parallel earths doppelgangers.

“Well, there are 53 Karas, just like there's 53 Kryptons and 53 Earths.” Harry explained simply.

“And the Thawne from our earth is working with them.” Barry gave a look, clearly annoyed at the fact that Thawne was back. Again. Thawne coming back due to time travel and the Speedforce were already giving him a headache just thinking about it all over again.

Caitlin just gave Barry an incredulous look. “He's an idiot.” Harry plainly stated.

Felicity already was thinking up of ways to track them down. “Ok, if that arrow has not-so-Supergirl's blood on it, we c—"

“We could track it using quantum analysis.” Harry cut her off, but she just nodded at his words.

“We could.”

***___***

“Harry, Cait, Iris,” Barry unfurled his arms and gestured to them with his head for a sidebar. The others were busy with Alex in isolating the city for Kara-X’s radioactive blood signatures. Felicity’s specialty. After all, she was able to track a deranged killer with just his face cream. “Whatever happens, (Y/N) can’t know Thawne’s here.” Both scientists gave odd looks to each other at the speedster’s words.

“Barry she’s going to find out one way or another, she’s part of this team too,” Iris voiced, side-glancing the door as if you’d step in at any moment.

“If he’s working with them, she has the right to know.” Caitlin added. “She should know what to expect.”

“Allen, unless you decide to lock her up in the pipeline until this is all over, she’ll find out.” Harry said. “You can’t possibly hide this from her forever.” The genius scientist hinted at the fact that when Barry had run back in time last year, Thawne had been the one to ‘fix’ things when really, he had altered the timeline. A timeline created to suits him and his plans. Even going as far to tell Barry that this was how the timeline was supposed to be before Thawne had caused the alteration when he had time-traveled back to kill Nora and escalated into what is now Team Flash. Three different timelines had been created, but this one, according to Thawne, is how the original one should have been. Just with a few… absences… Like Eddie and Ronnie. Barry had never mentioned any of this to you or the fact that Thawne had ended up escaping him that night. The scarlet speedster did not want you looking for the man in the yellow suit. But it seems that fate’s not on Barry’s side this time.

“Harry, I can’t have her chasing after him. Not with all this going on,” Barry protested. “One maniacal problem at a time.”

“Whether she does or doesn’t is up to her, Allen. You’re not a god.” Harry pursed his lips before heading to the side lab.

Barry ran his tongue over his lips tightly, frowning deeply at the echoed words. He didn’t need this right now. Those words stung the speedster, mainly with the aftermath of his time remnant – Savitar - claiming god-hood, wanting to alter everything and anything in his way to stay alive. Even to kill the love of his life. Jay Garrick told him that when he ran back to this timeline a year ago. ‘We’re not gods, Barry.’

How did Wells know about that? Maybe he didn’t. But it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that time-traveling powers shouldn’t be abused like that. Yet… Thawne always gets away with it. He gets away with barely a scratch. I can be one step ahead, but he’ll be 15 steps further.

Caitlin gave her friend a sympathetic look, exchanging one with Iris. Alex and Felicity were still present in the room, but too preocuppied with their blood sample. Barry’s intentions made sense, but it was your decision whether to chase after Thawne or not. It’s your choice on whether you’d even side with him for this battle.

***___***

You had stood right outside the Cortex in the corridor, your feet stopped when you heard Barry announce that “Thawne is working with them”. Your heart got caught in your chest. Eobard was here. He was back. But why in the hell would he ever work with Nazis? Nazis? Seriously Eo??? What the absolute fuck? You knew Eobard never had a tolerance for people like that. People like Eiling or Stagg, who would “poke fun” at those with disabilities, even if he had feigned his inability to walk in the end. People who would intentionally use their status to torture others. It just goes to show how people with that kind of caliber would think. So why this sudden change? Not ‘why now’. No, why at all?? How could he have stooped so low? That idiot. Unacceptable.

But what ached the most was Barry’s words. He doesn’t trust me… Even after all these years. Your heart shook and eyes narrowed as your eyes peered at the light being cast from the Cortex. You took in a breath. Taking a quiet step back, your feet carried you to one of the higher levels of STAR Labs- one of the tower levels. Your quiet place of refuge when this had gotten too much, whether it was because the shadows kept you safe from judgment or not, you didn’t know. If he wants to act like that, then two can play this game, Bartholomew Henry Allen. You looked out onto the city, subconscious scanning every light – every street. Lights winked in and out, the night progressing as the city remained unaware of the new monsters it currently hid. But what am I going to do?

***___***

Iris rubbed her eyes before taking a step closer to her almost-husband. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

“I can’t have (Y/N) fighting with us. Not now. Not in this battle.” Not when he’s lurking around.

“Why?”

“You know why? Thawne’s out there. Running, scheming.”

“So, you don’t trust her.” It was more of a statement rather than a question.

“Iris, she knew what he did to my mom. Lied to us about it for months back then and still chose Thawne when we locked him up. What makes this time different?”

“Barry, while all those sound like good points, first and foremost she’s our friend.” The speedster just shook his head, Iris huffed, “Look, it’s been -what?- 3? 4 years? Since she’d last been with him? Things have changed. You think after everything we’ve been through; she’ll throw that all away?”

“Yes! Old feelings come back; they always do and she’s going to get her revenge.”

“How do you know that? How do you know that she wants revenge?”

“Thawne will coax it out of her. He’s good at manipulating a person’s feelings.”

“And what would she get in the end?”

Barry didn’t answer her, instead he wrung his hands together.

“Barr, if she had wanted revenge, she would have done so already after the incident. But she didn’t. (Y/N) was depressed after Thawne was erased. Vulnerable. The love of her life was gone, just like that. Don’t you remember? How she wanted to end it all, but we stopped her.” Barry’s eyes flickered to the ground, remember the sight he had seen. Drowning. You were purposefully drowning yourself in your tub. The way your looked back at him- lifeless- when he had gotten you back to your senses. The blood the dripped, your cold skin. The monitor beeping every so often in the Cortex. Iris’ own mind shifted to when she had seen the scars littered on your arms when Caitlin had fully examined you. Your dull hair and gaunt face, nothing like the brilliant fire that rang through you months prior to Eobard’s erasure. “We helped her work through it when we found out. Caitlin and I looked after (Y/N) every second of the day until she was ready to get back on her two feet. And then Zoom happened and he was breaking you. Breaking your bones and your spirit- when you broke your back, she was all-hands-on-deck to step in and help in your place while still dealing with her own issues.”

“I know, it’s just- something just tells me otherwise with Thawne here.”

“Barry-”

“-She’s going to choose him, Iris. Nothing will change that. To her, everything we’ve been through until this point won’t mean anything. Not when Thawne’s at the end of the tunnel waiting for her. She’s going to choose him and help him.”

“But what if she doesn’t? What then, Barr?”

Barry just shrugged. “I-I don’t know, but I can’t take any chances. Not this time.” I can’t hesitate with Thawne here. One misstep and that’ll be all he needs to make his move.

Iris reached out to her fiancé, gently caressing his cheek. She knew that he won’t change his mind, no matter the reasons she could come up with. Barry thought in absolutes when it comes to Thawne. And your past emotional ties with the evil speedster only further drove his current mistrust. “Come on, we have to help the others.”

***___***

You threw the ball against the concrete wall opposite to you, all your strength forced into it. The stress ball ricocheted back to where you sat. You caught it with ease, giving it a firm squeeze as your eyes shut.

“How could you betray us? We were your friends, your family!-”

“You are-”

“We stood by you!”

“I just-”

“-Just what!? He took everything from me!”

You cringed at the voice from years past. Breathe in, breathe out.

“You’re just as guilty as him. No wonder, like calls to like.”

“I-”

“I don’t want your excuses.”

Breathe in, breathe out.

“I hope you rot with him.”

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Swallowing harshly, you did your breathing exercises to push Barry’s cold voice away. You had stolen the malleable ball from Harry- or rather, he had allowed you to take it from him. It was an unused gift from the others for Harry to deal with his anger issues. Instead of throwing beakers and graduated cylinders off desks, the Earth-2 scientist can simply channel his anger into this stress ball… Which had been a hard pass for him. Rather he preferred his method of anger outbursts, even if he did end up hurting himself in the process. So you put it to use instead; a tool for simple meditation, as well as the redirecting your certain senses. It’s made of rubber polymer so your electrokinesis didn’t harm your new toy in any way.

Your eyes lingered back onto the city, your arm hanging over your bent leg while your other remained outstretched. No good in hiding up here forever, it’ll make things more suspicious. Not like Barry isn’t suspecting anything anyway. But you had needed time to think, to collect your thoughts and assess what actions you would take. You touched the necklace Eobard had made for you in rich gold- a Columba. It’s a constellation signifying the dove in astrology as he always called you his little birdy. But also, because gave him a sense of peace which the dove has generally symbolized fore. A finger ran over the one of the six diamonds that twinkled for the constellation, connected to each by a trail of gold. Eobard. Licking your lips, you got up, you pocketed your ball and brushed any dust particle from your leggings.

Upon entering the Cortex, a group of heroes left: Oliver, Kara, Barry, Sara, and so on. Barry had shoved past you, your eyes meeting briefly as you raised an eyebrow. His expression was guarded, but you said nothing.

“I’m guessing they’re going on a little midnight excursion?” You turned to Felicity and Iris with a thumb pointing in their direction. Mick was nowhere to be found so you can assume he’s already raided the lounge fridge. Caitlin had already prepped the med bay for incoming injuries, which isn’t an uncommon expectation, but wasn’t in the Cortex.

“Ding ding ding, you’re correct,” Felicity piped up, typing away at her computer screen. She was already hacking into cameras around the warehouse as the inside had ones out of commission. “The remaining Legends are to be on standby, should something happen during the warehouse fight. Per Sara’s orders.” At least Felicity isn’t treating you any differently, especially with how close she is to Barry. He probably told her to.

“And we’re going to be…?” You raised an eyebrow, a bit offended no one decided to volunteer you for the fight. You wanted to kick some Nazi ass too. Fry those fuckers. Guess Barry told them all to not trust me. Great, thanks Barr. Bitterness welled up inside but didn’t show it. Felicity and Iris aren’t the ones to be at odds with. Maybe it’s a good thing if Eo’s there. Barry would have his eyes all over your interaction with him.

“Just doing some monitoring and staying on comms. The usual Overwatch stuff,” Felicity smiled up at you then quickly turned to her tech. You could tell that her mind was wondering. About what? You had no clue and decided it’d be best to not involve yourself should things go sour if you did and Barry would find a reason to blame you.

No, this reunion needed to be on the downlow. One away from prying eyes. Your eyes drifted to Iris’ back in a subtle manner before pulling out your phone to check the time.

“Where’s Harry?” You asked, if anything he was one of the people who hadn’t seen you for just your past. Didn’t care for it as Zoom terror and Jesse’s rescue were more pressing matters. And you had seen him for more than a doppelganger to Eobard, even if their tendencies and bristliness seemed similar. Harry was Harry and Eobard was Eobard. Both were their own men, it wasn’t that hard to see and understand. He had done his own share of horrors and dark deeds for Jesse that Harry was dealing with his own darkness, while your demons haunted you. In an odd way, you both understood one another. Begrudgingly at first, though. Plus, you needed to return the stress ball back to him, thinking he’d need it now with Thawne around. If anything, you found it funny how Harry got mad when people would call Thawne a Wells. The Wells doppelganger would spectacularly blow up, which was always a site to see. Though you were hoping the two would never meet. You chewed on the inside of your cheek on how that interaction could possibly go. Would you-

“He’s probably back in his lab,” Iris spoke up from the other side of the Cortex, padding up to you. You nodded at her, mind drifting once more as you strolling to the Cortex exit. Harry could hold his own, but up against Eo, with all his speed… You’d choose-

“Hey,” Iris stopped you, snapping you out of your thoughts and placing a hand on your arm. You blinked. A small smile was woven on her face, one of those comforting smiles that said that you can come to her for anything… But could you?

“Hey,” you returned it, feigning any indication that you had overheard what Barry had said earlier. Schooling your features, you calmed your nerves. I’ve done this before. Pretended not to know. I can do it again. I can’t trust no one, and it seems like no one can trust me. I’ll be the actress again in this drama, spun by Barry this time.

“Can I talk to you for a moment?”

“Sure”

Iris was perceptive, she didn’t miss the slight strain in your voice. The guarded look that the young journalist had become accustomed to receiving when approaching you. There were times where she’d realize you were walking on eggshells with her. Because of Barry. Because of the serrated words he had thrown at you like knives all those times ago. But there were times where all was well with the world, the past forgotten and the strength of your friendship with the team more prominent than ever. Then again, having Nazi’s return and who are hell bent on ruling this Earth by eradicating its heroes then move on to the next Earth in the multiverse does tend to throw tension into the air. Iris bit her lip. Especially if she doesn’t know about Thawne.

“(Y/N), look there’s… there’s something I need to tell you.”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“…”

“Iris, is something wrong? Are you ok?”

She noted sincerity on your face. “Thawne’s here.”

You pursed your lips, internally confused. “Iris-”

“And he’s fighting with the Earth-Xers.”

“I… what?!” Your rage was not false. Sure you knew about it earlier, but now it was necessary to unleash it. It’d make your surprise all the more legit.

“I needed you to know,” Iris swallowed.

“How?”

“When Barry, Oliver, and Kara intercepted their heist.”

“…” It was your turn to be silent. You knew, but you had to play a little longer until you could leave.

“I trust you, ok?”

“But” You knew there was a ‘but’. There always is one. Iris blinked, opening her mouth a few times then looking away before meeting your gaze once more.

“But I need to know you’re with us on this.”

Your eyes never left hers, your hand was held in both of hers. Before you could even respond an alarm had gone off. Both your necks snapped to Felicity, who snapped up from her sitting position.

“That was the corridor alarm.” Fear crippled its way in the air. “This is a setup.”

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