#i feel like maybe my paneling has gotten better too actually!

[moe-broey]

Back to. What I do best. Which is low to no effort comics. I still feel like I should redesign my teatime Moe BUT... the mental image of this playing out was so powerful.

I've said in the past that a focal part of the dynamic is both of them managing to be extremely affectionate with each other while hesitating to act on their feelings -- however, I also think it's just as important. The fuck around and find out factor. The way Alfonse will just choose violence, sometimes. The way Moe can be really forward (jokingly or just completely forthcoming about it), but gets skiddish and jumpy when that affection is returned. AND. AND. The way Alfonse will just. Do The Most. MORE than The Most. He is returning the energy tenfold. One thing I believe in my heart is that if you think you're weird for something, Alfonse can and WILL prove to you that he can get Weirder about it. This here is a tame example all things considered, but it is an example!

Some close ups of my fave panels/sequences, hopefully less grainy 🧍

Realizing I probably could have taken close ups of all of them tbh..... too late now! It's dark outside. 😔💔

[darkcircles4lyfe]

it's a story about hands (reprise)

Yeah, okay, today's the day.

I gave my blog that title for a reason, you know, and it has loomed over me for years because the hand motif is absolutely everywhere and you could go on about it forever.

Maybe that's something I'll never actually attempt to do, but this chapter, we reached a breaking point.

Before I continue, I need to give a big, big disclaimer: I do not have a physical disability, so I'm not able to speak about that from the standpoint of representation as a first-hand perspective. I have at least listened to enough disabled people to know that fictional characters who become amputees only to miraculously gain their limbs back is, um, a trope. Disabled people in general being "healed" is a conception we would really prefer to avoid here. Not to call people out, but I don't think we're giving enough space to acknowledge that.

I don’t feel comfortable making the judgement call about what should happen. I’m leaving that open. I also don't want to downplay people's emotional reactions. Honestly, I don't know if I can accurately define the line between acknowledging real pain vs. ableist pity. But I’d like to talk about the possibilities of what could happen. Other characters have definitely gotten permanent disabilities as a result of their hero work, or even just the side effects of their quirk. But, for better or worse, I don't think this case is really about representation. Not that Horikoshi won't do that justice. He might. What I'm saying is that's not his purpose for having Izuku lose his arms. It's meant to be symbolic, so we can explore what it means. The other thing I’m keeping in mind here is that Horikoshi is notorious for playing with our expectations, like, alllllll the time. I mean, just take a few chapters ago for a classic example. Eri appeared at the end, and we all assumed she was about to take some sort of action to save someone with her quirk. Then, immediately following, we were given an explanation for why that wouldn’t be happening. And now it’s clear he wanted to do that “fake out” not just as a silly cliffhanger prank, but specifically so we would know not to suspect that Eri could be the miraculous solution to Izuku’s loss of his arms. Rest assured, there is no easy way out of this.

The expectation at play in this particular instance is an old one. It’s very understated, but its subtext has burned so brightly, you’d be a fool not to notice it. It sits with anticipation like one half of a call and response. Man, I was so certain. Lots of people still are. I was really looking forward to printing the panel where it happened onto a t shirt and wearing it proudly. All the hand motifs in this story radiate thematically from a single moment, the one that started it all for Izuku.

It raises all kinds of questions about the act of saving, who needs saving, why, what does it mean, what are the dynamics of power, politics, honesty, exploitation, compassion, pity, disdain, sacrifice. Katsuki has dealt with many of these since he first rejected Izuku’s hand. While Izuku was the one who was convinced Katsuki would keep on rejecting him…

…Katsuki was the one who kept that moment in his mind all these years and eventually came to regret it.

Katsuki is the one yearning for that hand-hold, the one who has imbued it with so much more weight than it ever originally had. Izuku, in contrast, does not allow himself to dwell on what he wants. To illustrate this difference, we need to look at another piece of foreshadowing:

Ugh, do y'all remember when lots of folks were complaining about how there never seemed to be actual consequences for Izuku's destructive treatment of his own body? I don't blame them, I was concerned and confused about it too. There were several "fixes" along the way. Recovery Girl healed him, but left a physical reminder. Then he started training to fight with his legs… sometimes. Then he got support items. All of these were unsatisfying non-conclusions because they didn't present Izuku with a lasting enough impression to change in a meaningful way. They didn't address his core, his origin.

Of course, that all changed this chapter. Now it looks like our frustration was inflicted intentionally. With the current context in mind, all of these moments look more sinister, like this day was always gonna come because they kept putting bandaids on a deep emotional and psychological wound. The problem is pretty much spelled out for us here:

As Katsuki put it, he just doesn’t take himself into account, ya know? He doesn’t care what happens to him. And he lies about it, to keep others from worrying, to keep them safe. To keep them from returning the favor and putting themselves in harm’s way for his sake. His motivations are noble,

…but what about the little boy inside Izuku? Who saves him?

This is all about Izuku giving himself up to the point that he literally has no more to give. The thing is, I bet he saw this coming. He knew his limits and decided to keep going anyway, because his personal safety and wellbeing are not important. Now that way of thinking has come back to bite him because the fight isn’t over yet, and he’s already made his sacrifice. So now we know who will be more distraught over this. Not Izuku—Katsuki.

It’s not about Izuku becoming disabled, it’s about how Katsuki wanted to use the intertwining of their fingers to communicate that he would never let go. Never stop valuing him most. Never let himself make the mistake of rejecting him again. Never let Izuku be so reckless with his life. To say: “we are in this together.”…if only Katsuki believed he deserved to be able to say such things. To reach out his hand would have been the ultimate way to simply imply them and let Izuku be the one to decide. Then, to feel their hands clasped together would be more than either of them dared hope for, but so beautiful, so right. A moment they’ve waited their whole lives for.

Yeah. That’s what we were expecting. We’ve been so comfortable. Horikoshi gave us all the signs. He tempted and teased us over and over. BUT. You know he does this thing were he gives us a desirable, completely plausible and simple thing to look forward to, and then he snatches it away. And THEN he replaces it with something much better, something we were not expecting at all because it seemed too good to be true. That’s exactly what happened when Himiko snatched Izuku away, and we were robbed of the chance to see him and Katsuki fight together. In hindsight, though, I’m glad things went a different way because now there’s so much more depth and angst on display. Likewise, in the present moment, we may consider how, as one door closes, another opens.

As wonderfully meaningful as the hand-hold would have been, perhaps it is still too simple a resolution for Izuku, for his and Katsuki’s relationship. Tbh, it could have been done like 100 chapter ago. At this point, there’s so much more potential. There are a couple of ways it could go. If Izuku stays armless, Katsuki will be forced to use other methods to get his point across. He’ll have to do something else, or say what he means, or both. Yes, I’m talking about what you think I’m talking about. If I say it, I just might jinx it (lol), but I mean it. I’m being serious. Either way, if Izuku did get his arms back in the end, I’m sure that it wouldn’t be an easy fix. It would be hard-won against Izuku’s self-destructive mindset, and/or by Katsuki’s conviction. Again, I say this knowing it is not meant so much as a representation of disability, but as a representation of Izuku’s greatest character flaw taken to the extreme. I know this might sound harsh, like, hasn’t he been through enough? I get that, but… I’ve said it before and I say it again: Izuku is stubborn as hell.

I wish I had a resounding final note to end this on, but I kinda don’t. I’m not sure what’s best. Now we just have to wait and see what Horikoshi has in mind.

[kosmicdream]

Hello. After drawing webcomics for 10 years and making about 10,000 pages of comics, here are some things i have learned/observed in that experience..

1) making comics does not get easier.. Not really

Making comics is a tedious and slow process and with so many different facets of the experience to learn - you’ll never run out of stuff to learn or weaknesses to work on. I’m not saying this to discourage but to just give the frank reality that it really takes a lifetime to understand. Be patient with yourself and try to set healthy expectations. 

2) Read your own comics after making them.

I don’t know if this is as important to other people as it is to me, but I do think that sometimes its easy to not re-read your own work and just go from your own memory of it, or maybe you’re tired of looking at it because of all the flaws. I don’t personally get sucked into the “rewrite/remake” cycle that I know is common with comics, as I sort of just accept things as they are, but re-reading my work does help me see where I have come from and where I need to go to next. I personally don’t like to lose sight of that, and I think re-reading helps ground me in the planning process of my work and gives me a better perspective on all aspects.

3) A lot of comic advice should be taken with a grain of salt, because its the person talking to themselves. (including this)

I see a lot of advice that never would have worked for me, or just simply wasn’t something I was ever going to follow. “Dont start with your big epic long stories”! Is a common one. I don’t think that’s bad advice exactly, but how many young artists are going to listen, especially if they’ve never told a story in the first place? Yes, the advice to start small and build yourself up with experience sounds great, I’m sure people do it, but if you’re an artist you’re probably not gonna be that responsible. And for me, when i tried to do this with eggshells, my house burnt down and i kinda gave up comics for a while because i lost a lot of work. 

Writing short stories is still something I struggle with, its just not easy for me. I have gotten better at it but i don’t think that makes me less of a comic artist because I haven’t gotten good at that particular format, or that I jump around on my projects. Is it more impressive to have more completed work under your belt, sure. But I also think that.. Idk.. what is the advice actually saying, because with that one it sort of feels (often times) as a warning that you’re setting yourself up for failure/embarrassment by attempting a comic like that. I don’t know how to tell you this, but comics are gonna be embarrassing no matter what you do and there’s no guarantee you’ll be more successful/not experience failure by avoiding your passions. Something to think about anyway. 

4) Don’t draw every leaf. Unless you really want to.

I’m the kind of comic artist that kind of doesn’t care about the art as much as the whole package of the comic. When i see a very impressively drawn panel/page, with laborious detail that is well drawn and maybe even colored ect.. That usually is kind of, I guess, a turn off for me as part of the reading experience. The thing is, when i encounter that, it usually signals to me that someone has poor planning skills for comics. It says to me that comic is probably not going to see its end or that artist is overworking themselves in an unnecessary way, that ends up concerning me about how they’re doing. Because i know how hard it is to draw comics. When an artist phones things in a bit, or has a limit on how much they work on a page, its a relief for me to see! because I understand they have healthier boundaries and expectations, and the art itself usually is less stiff too. This is all an overgeneralization, but I think with a lot of webcomic artists we are usually drawing a comic for the first time ever, so it makes sense we want to do our best and try as hard as possible - that just usually isn’t the smartest plan to put all the stock in the visual department. This also kinda frustrates me to see because most comics (professional or not) will also (generally) not reel the art in ever or make a more simple style. Generally I see it always trying to outdo itself, which leads to burn out. I personally only work about 1hr on each page i draw, that hasn’t changed in the 10 years I have been drawing comics, but i used to spend hundreds of hours drawing detailed lineart for eggshells and it didn’t even read well and i’d be disappointed with the results, feeling more lost with my goals than ever. PLEASe.. Just draw worse, its usually better looking in the end too. (because you wont have the experience to judge visual clarity until you’ve been drawing comics for a while imo..)

5) Don’t draw ahead, draw those inbetweenies.

“Inbetweenies” are the pages for the “boring” ones. They are also usually the most common KIND of page. Its the pages that are necessary, but “inbetween” the action. The impact moments in a scene, ect. You gotta draw them. They’re always gonna be there. They’re the pages where maybe, the character is walking somewhere, thinking, ect. The after impact from an action.. There’s a million examples, but hopefully you’ll understand what I mean when I say they’re both necessary pages/panels, sometimes so mundane/redundant, but also required for telling the story.. As a comic is a sequence of images. This is why, the previous advice is also important IMO- because if you really want to “draw every leaf” - maybe you should save that energy and effort for those impact moments that you want to impress the reader with.. And not for the inbetweenies, which are the foundational support, but also not the most important moments. If you conserve your energy a bit, the contrast OF that effort will also pop more. I personally find it funny when I put more effort into a page and end up tricking my readers into thinking I got better at drawing, when really i just have been able to draw better and only save it for moments like this instead of always.

Also, when I say don’t draw ahead.. I mean I draw each page at a time before going to the next one. I have no idea if this is an unusual practice or not, and I know a lot of people will draw their chapters/episodes/whatever in sections like sketch/ink/color/ect.. But I personally draw and finish page by page, unless its the thumb/sketch stage. Even then, i don’t go ahead much. I think that you can control flow/pacing better by doing chapters all at once of course, I see that as a benefit. But i also think that makes things very overwhelming and can also result in a lack of flexibility if something isn’t working. No matter HOW much planning you do- comics are always going to have an aspect of IMPROVISATION with the result you get in the end. There are way too many factors in play to be in complete control of all of them and always know the result of the reading experience. SO for me, this technique is easier and has been something that continues to get me to working effectively. Plus, rumiko takahashi said that’s what she does. And i think she has some of the best visual flow/compositions in comics. So that’s what I do.

I could write more personal advice or rules that i follow..but I think those are the ones I find are the most important to me anyway. Of course, comics are a strange medium and not everything that works for me will work for you. That’s all for now.. Bye bye…! 

Oh by the way, my comics are here: feastforaking.com nastyreddogs.com https://kosmic.itch.io/ Support me on patreon! https://www.patreon.com/kosmic

[charlietheepicwriter7]

Finally reading "Under the Red Hood" for my story, Dick Grayson V Gotham and some notes about what exactly happens here:

Jason's helmet really is a whole ass red circle with eyes, isn't it.

There's constant internal monologue about how much Batman cares about his kids. From Alfred and from Batman.

There's a whole ass woman who I have never seen referenced before called Onyx? Who's apparently the "only other hero allowed in the whole of gotham... other than catwoman".

Bruce recognizing Jason just based on how he fights and plans is beautiful, even if bruce doesn't believe it yet.

Superman's over here flirting with Bruce, going "we could have gotten tickets to the theater if you'd called ahead 😘😘" while bruce is traveling all over the world to figure out if his baby boy might be back from the dead.

Lowkey sad that Jason doesn't have the skunk stripe. I know it was fanon that occasionally became canon, but I still like it.

Wow, this Robin!Jason flashback is really giving us good views of the scaly panties, >:P

So, during the flashback, Bruce brings up the idea that Jason has a "mean streak" in comparison to how Dick was. But it's not that Jason was "mean" and Dick "nice"--Dick has a massive temper, even if canon rarely allows him to acknowledge it--but with Dick... Everytime he was Robin, I think he was still in the mindset of "performer". There was a bit more disconnect between him and the criminals of Gotham, because the fights were more like acts. Jason performs too, but he's very personal about it. This is his city, he's taking all these crimes personally and even when he's "performing" it's still Jason Todd, while Dick's Robin is more so a mask. IDK, this is just the vibes I'm picking up.

I really love the panels after Jason blows up the meth lab. The way the colors are... it makes Jason almost look like he's teared up? It's beautiful.

Oh great, Slade's here. No wonder this things so damn long

You know what, Slade? I'm on Black Mask's side here. A nazi and a hyena man? You can find better hired help on Craigslist.

Just finished the fight, and I'm STILL on Black Mask's side. Slade, who the fuck are these losers!?

Yes, Jason baby, kill the nazi!

Jason got them Christmas presents! That's sweet!

Slade, why the FUCK were you here? Did you see Nightwing was in town and go "lol, this'll be funny"?

Black Mask really calling himself Daddy around Jason... wasn't a joke. Huh.

There are some very nice parallels after Jason reveals his identity to Bruce. Bruce was too late to stop Joker's bomb, he was too late to stop the bomb in the meth lab. Bruce was too late to stop his son from getting attacked by a supervillain, but Bruce was faster now, good job! And Bruce never killed his son's killer, and he won't kill Stephanie's killer either. It's like he keeps testing Bruce to see if he really has to go through with his plan with the Joker.

Actually, it wouldn't surprise me if Jason's entire beef with Black Mask was because of his part in Stephanie Brown's death.

...I don't really like the idea of Jason calling himself a zombie after Joker did it.

Jason wiped the smile off his face, goddamn! (And don't think I didn't notice how similar Joker and Jason's laughs are, comic artists. Sure, maybe that's just how cackling laughter was drawn back then, but in literature, that smells like foiling).

...THIS is when Bludhaven gets destroyed!? Really???

Also, what is this depiction of Bludhaven just... being across a river? This feels unreasonably close, why hasn't Gotham just eaten Bludhaven at this point?

IT'S A NUKE???

THEY ARE LOOKING DIRECTLY AT IT, HOW ARE THEIR EYES NOT GETTING BURNT OUT OF THEIR HEADS

I'm just realizing how many explosives there are in this series. Between the bombs the Bats use, and the bombs Jason sets up, and... what happened to bludhaven. That, kids, is what we call a theme!

Bruce really is sympathetic in this. It's subtle, which is good, I don't think anyone would have appreciated the author blaring out "BATMAN IS IN THE RIGHT, HE'S THE BEST GUY, FUCK JASON."

And Jason is getting more and more unhinged as the fight progresses.

You know, it's occurring to me that this all could have been prevented if New Jersey had the death penalty. There's no way Joker could have gotten the insanity plea so many times if they could put him in the ground for good.

...I wonder if Batman votes to reinstate the death penalty?

"But why... why on God's earth--??! Is he still alive!!??" Is just... such a good reveal. Such a good line. No wonder we're all so fixated on this character, omg.

Oh. This is why Jason thinks Batman doesn't love him.

It's the lack of reciprocation. Jason sees "killing the Joker after he killed you" as an act of love. Batman cannot provide that act, so Jason sees that refusal as proof he is unloved.

The funniest Joker's ever been:

Oh, the batarang moment. Oh no.

Oh no oh no oh no

I still feel like resurrection via Superboy punching the universe hard is still a cop-out reason why Jason's alive, but the line "Until time decided to set things right." is speaking to me.

Oh god, the buried alive scene is brutal.

Okay, so Jason came back fully sane, he definitely knew what he was doing breaking out of the coffin, but his injuries that were unhealed and getting hit by a fucking car are what caused his catatonic state. He didn't just wake up not all there, that happened because no one was looking out for him.

Okay, so 6 months dead, about a... year in a coma. It says a year for his time catatonic on the streets, then a year with Talia, still catatonic... that's three and a half years, Jason really started being the Red Hood... like what, a few weeks after he got tossed in the Pits?

...I thought the pits were green. They look gold in my version of these comics, is that normal?

EW, WHY'D SHE KISS HIM

Also, there was no brainwashing this boy, Talia literally just said "you remain avenged" and it sent Jason on this whole murder spiral, she didn't do shit

Except kiss him. which, EW

Alright, good night everybody!

[lucabyte]

hello

is this how your peopls work. i am obsessed with your comics and the panel layout and the way they react to eachother and sdgafkhgfdhsagfha s i very desperately need to have a grasp on how you see them in their dynamic and interacting and i feel like i don't know as much about how isabeau and loop be interacting but i am so so so so SO curious as to how that goes and how they feel about eachother pre-"i'm a former siffrin" and post-"ok you know who i am"

oh hell yeah a diagram we love a diagram

but yeah i'd say you've gotten my interpretation of the dynamic down pretty solid??

in general i think my instinct with loop-isabeau interactions is a lot tamer/calmer than others ive seen, my reasoning for why being hmm... i think i can note my core 'things im keeping in mind from the text' here

isabeau's line in act 6 remarking that loop seemed 'shy'. for all of loop's bravado @ siffrin (and thus the player's pov), they are still siffrin, so while it can be easy to percieve them as this loud bombastic personality-- there is this textual reminder that them acting this way is probably due in part to being up against siffrin, someone who won't speak unless spoken to (and thus loop takes the initiative, and is also presumably reveling a bit in making them uncomfortable and annoyed, inkeeping with their self-hatred and self-flaggellation) this to me reads as a reminder that they'd probably retreat into their shell hard when presented with other people- the party included. so even if i can see them trying to undermine their relationships with others, i think it's probably more on the insidious 'insulting siffrin to make the party protective of them' side, because that also feeds into 'proving' that the party only cares about one siffrin and that loop can be replaced. meanwhile isabeau has shown that, even with a vicious jealous streak, he can mostly keep a lid on it. he's the most emotionally intelligent of the group, and would probably be able to suss out loop's self-harm-via-getting-people-pissed-off-at-them gambit relatively simply given how obvious it is. also isabeau is not immune to insecurity-- and would probably let loop take some precidence over their relationship with siffrin because 'well i cant compete with the guy who actually went through All Of The Timeloop With Them.' because like... damn how are you supposed to do that. loop understands their pain better than isa ever could, and it would show in their fucked up unspoken understanding of each other (because how is Isa to know thats because theyre the same guy, and not just because the timeloop traumabonded the fuckers baddddly. which it also did.).

timeloop stressful as fuck. absolutely has both of them on tenterhooks the whole time. we visibly see how it affects siffrin (despondance & mania & aggression), and we see SAPfrin be very. very very despondant. so it would seem to me that loop is basically in a perpetual state of mania, given how sif's internal monologue begins to resemble their way of speaking (with the tee hees and such) when they are clearly broaching into manic states. one can assume that if you take loop out of the Torment Nexus, while they probably wouldn't faire well, all of the tension and pressure that's holding them up would collapse, likely putting them more depressive again by default? Of note, whenever i write loop's dialogue (which im told i do well? i will be honest i kind of feel like that's far too high praise.) i initially write it as very blunt and pissed off-- and will afterwards go back in and Maybe change wording to be more 'silly', but mostly i just add tildes~, italics, exclamation points and laughter to the pissed off dialogue without changing the actual content of it?

loop likes their friends! They are fucked up in the head about it (badly!!!) but they like their friends! They still care a lot, and can barely even hide it a little bit with their aloofness in game. it feels redundant to even try pointing out where they slip up because its everywhereee. They de-person their Actors because theyre the same lines over and over and over, but you see in SAP alone how any break from the script makes them overwhelmed with emotion, and how devastated they are if that deviation occurs a second time and becomes predictable (dying to the king after triggering the requisites for the true end, forcing you to go through it again). BUT!! You take their friends out of the timeloop and let them be New Unpredictable People again? I genuinely find it hard to believe mx siffrin "i love my friends so much id explode the world about it" nolastname would be able to see that and just go "nope im emotionally disconnected i can keep being a bitch to these guys forever". like no theyre gonna slip into being at least neutral no matter what. even if it's in a quiet depressive state when the mania wears off.

my biggest deviation from frequently observed fandom things here i think: i think loop doesn't actually believe that ISAT!Party are 'replacements'. they rarely if ever word a sentiment like this. this is something the fandom goes for because the horror of being replaced wholesale probably WOULD make it easier to cope if you considered those people to Not Be Your Real Friends. But loops WHOLE act 6 spiel? 'THEY WERE MINE FIRST. I LOVED THEM'? (paraphrased) they obviously desperately want to be with them again, and know they're the same people. The Fighter/Defender discrepancy clue is mostly metatext here-- since Loop never acknowledges the defender title-- just calling ISAT!Isa Fighter-- because they are the same guy. Your Fighter. They even call them Fighter in the "You got memory of X, your Fighter will now..." dialogues! Which are practically system dialogues! So. they see these isabeaus as the same. And while I would not put it past them to come up with the "they are different, my party is Dead" thing to Cope... I do think it is a delusion, plain and simple, and that I think any post-knowing-the-truth party would probably shut down weird rituals ive seen the fandom propose (often in a cute way??? it makes me feel insane?? like the concept of loop 'memorialising' their 'dead' family is not cute its nuts. they are being nuts. its like actively feeding into an extremely maladaptive coping mechanism. sorry this is like a massive sidebar but like. Yes i do think this is something loop might do if left unchecked. but it should not be presented as sane or rational? it outright undermines the themes of the game to treat the concept of 'Loop's party' being 'dead' as 'True'?? There's like several points in the game where Loop and Siffrin express that things that happened in the loops Still Happened even if the party dont recall it-- which is why their actions-- being cruel or doing 'experiments' still hold weight and can be Wrong. That it's tragic that the party will never remember but that their forgetting is NOT a pass to do whatever with no consequnce (experiment, bad touch, etc). It follows that by Nixing all of "loop's party", treating them as seperate, in some way implies loop's memories are Lesser and what they did "doesn't matter as much", which is antithetical on account of being contradictory to however you take the stated theme. PLUS... The game and Paratext are clear that there is One Timeline. SAP is in the same contiguous space as ISAT-- it is effectively just that on the loop between SAP and ISAT that we the audience dont see-- loop ate that star and when the loop restarted there were two of them. for all intents and purposes one can intuit that Loop 0 of isat and SAPfrin's first loop are legitimately identical from sif's POV, as Loop does not reveal themselves until Loop 1. BUT YEAH GIANT SIDEBAR OVER. THIS WHOLE READ OF THE TEXT INFORMS MY THOUGHTS RE: ISALOOP AND RELATED CONCEPTS VERY GREATLY)

jesus christ i wrote a lot in the above um. sorry. i dont know if its intelligable. uh. good luck?

im also on team 'orrery book and sif's thoughts about it belie a real deep-seated brainworm' re: their response to a Cautionary Tale About How You Will Inevitably Kill Your Double seemingly being "Nah, we'd be besties."... like. i do think it is. funny. and not particularly Unbased. Given how they are. For siffrin and loop to specifically be compelled by how they are the same guy. And i think that there's a lot to be mined from 'Both of them are convinced that the party knowing who loop is would fuck up everything badly, so they're going to great lengths to conseal this' played in tandem with '... they are like. very much explicitly doing things together that are directly related to a feeling of shared ownership over siffrin's body and form & the fact they are The Same Guy'. like it is a hysterical setup to me and i think is only added to when you have to put Isabeau in the middle of this polycule also. With the few exceptions of times ive drawn stuff specifically hinging on characters Knowing Who Loop Is (which is like. all bonnie-centric stuff so far? i think?), i take a lot of care to try and make their exchanges Vague as if they are worried about being overheard or saying something that's too much of a smoking gun. But also it's really god damn funny to think about how concerning some of those things could sound the vaguer you make them. Remember that above all i live and die by The Bit. (... as do they.) ie basically because im powered by The Bit thats why i focus more on the sloop side because its like. actively Funnier and more drama filled. or at least presents oppertunities for such. i feel like on isabeaus side here its kinda frequently like

yknow ? (oh god my formatting is broken now) . i DO very much think it can become like. niceys. of course. i think they can just be normal fucking throuple eventually (though if i'm going that goddamn far into the future u may as well partycule the fuckers 2 me. by the time theyve solved whatever the fuck you call pre-reveal isiloops i think odile has gotten involved at the very least. but this is why i mostly keep myself to the realm of 'the mostly immediate post-game conflict' stuff since i think all these characters leave off the end of the game with such solid springboards for arcs set up (clearly intentionally) that the infinite realm of possibilities opens up too wide for me to be comfortable with.) anyway i keep thinking about the tragicomedy of isabeau finally finding an "in" to nurture a friendly bond with loop by comisserating and steeling themselves for changing again even though it feels like a betrayal of their previous actions/beliefs and how fucking funny the idea of 'loop reveal but theyre like 2 weeks into using she/they' is. just like you get all the way through the horrors of 'oh jesus christ the timeloop was even worse than we thought it was' but now '.. d. do you still . what pronouns do you want?' is tacked onto the end. Sorry did you hear something . must've been the wind. anyway . this ask is a fucking mess i hope its readable like at all . can you tell ive been brainscramblied for six weeks

TL;DR:

yeaghj you got it. its not like im doing anything revolutionary im just trying to stick as close as i can do what i percieve the characterisation is in canon & thus generally dont tie down any of my fanwork to specific post-canon-plot-concepts. its all just nebulous extrapolation set 'pretty close to the end of the game because i think these characters are going to grow and change extremely rapidly once the game is over given how they're all intentionally poised for character arcs when the game ends'. but also you should put isabeau in the worst social bind of all time with two of the most mentally unwell BPD OCD havers youve ever seen and let him try to figure out the balance of 'be gentle' and 'treat them like the almost-30-year-old adult they literally are' while he also balances his own set of entire life changes it'll be fine he'll be fine (someone should probably check on him)

[genericpuff]

Why is the art so unappealing in lore Olympus now Persephone looks like a highlighter and maybe it’s just me but the proportions like the fingers in arms are soul over the place I don’t think they used to be this bad. Am I just looking at it with nostalgia or am I crazy ?

Honestly, nostalgia does play a huge part in it, even to this day there are times I look back on old S1 panels and go-

Actually here's a great example that literally just happened yesterday in the ULO Discord that nearly had me on the floor LOL This is from Episode 70:

Like I didn't even believe that that was real until I was told what episode it was from and I was just. Astounded and flabbergasted. The over-shading of the blanket that just makes it look like a really bad edit. Insane.

And yeah, there are a lot of old panels that hit different now that the rose-colored glasses have been removed, crushed, and thrown into the trash compactor.

I think that's why it makes it all the more amusing when people come into my inbox and ask me "wait, why did you like LO to begin with?? It's always been ugly as shit, I think you're just romanticizing it" because like... there's something to be said about art and subjectivity, even if something is ugly to one person doesn't mean it isn't beautiful to someone else. It's why I try not to be too mean towards the fans of this comic for still enjoying it, because while I definitely have strong opinions about how "LO has gotten worse" and what kind of following Rachel has cultivated (cough cough), there are also just as equally valid arguments that LO has never begin good to begin with that I can't necessarily disagree with now that I'm looking back on it with a more critical eye.

That said, there's tons of media that I enjoy that is objectively awful. Like y'all, you don't need to take my opinions about a dumb pink x blue fantasy romance comic seriously, I like Starfox Adventures-

Like yeah it's a badly made rushed piece of shit that was developed right on the ass end of Rare's glory days and was really an original IP (Dinosaur Planet) that got Frankenstein'd into a Starfox game so it could "sell better" for Nintendo, but I don't give a fuck, I love Starfox Adventures and some day I wanna be in the top 10 speedrunner leaderboards for it, which I know doesn't mean much because no one is speedrunning Starfox, but I do and no one can take that away from me dammit-

Anyways. Lore Olympus has, in many regards, always had "bad art". But "bad art" can and should still be enjoyed by those who find joy in it.

And in LO's case, the world it existed in when it launched was a lot smaller than it is now - more specifically, the world of Webtoons. We can look back and see how 'bad' LO looks and reads now because there are genuinely way better comics surrounding it. It was unique and refreshing and experimental back then... now it's just "that stupid blue and pink comic for horny teenagers".

In most cases I would consider that "cringing in hindsight" feeling a good thing because normally it means something has grown and that it seeming "bad" in hindsight would mean that it's outgrown itself and moved onto bigger things. But LO has the more unique problem of "its current stuff is shit and it's making us want the old stuff more, even if the old stuff wasn't good either". In that regard, LO is closer to being like Harry Potter. Remember when The Cursed Child came out at the height of Rowling being exposed for being a TERF and even people who liked Harry Potter didn't like The Cursed Child because it was just objectively worse overall (with or without Rowling's bullshit attached)? It made a lot of people go back and re-read / rewatch Harry Potter with a more objective lens and go "wait a minute guys, I think we only adored these books so much because we were 12 when we read them". Often times it's the good memories we have surrounding certain things that make us have the opinion about them that we do.

Of course, LO is definitely not as politically weaponized as Harry Potter is, so that's where that comparison ends. But my point is that LO is definitely in a situation where it's been riding off the same privileges it had back in 2018 - having an 'experimental' art style while also utilizing tropes and characters that were VERY popular at the time (remember that 2017-18 was when Tumblr was at its height of H x P "Hades was a chill accountant guy who wore socks and sandals and didn't cheat on his wife like Zeus did" fantasizing) - and thinks that those same tricks and tropes will still work today.

Because of this, the art in LO really, really hasn't aged well, even the stuff that we look back on fondly. But I think it's the panels that we specifically think of when remembering "old LO" - the ones that stuck in our memories the most - that are the ones that make us miss or just not care about the panels that don't look good (the panels that make people question why we ever liked it to begin with).

We liked it because of how it made us feel to look at panels like these-

Those genuinely wonderful panels that we think back on the most don't exist separately from the bad panels, they exist in spite of them. Even if we can look back on panels like these and pick out problems in the lineart or the proportions or the color travelling outside of the lines, that can't and shouldn't change how those panels made us feel at some point or another. And that's why when people ask me "why were you even into LO in the first place" I don't have any one answer, because I can't fully explain how something made me feel to justify why it's good to someone who can see from the outside - without rose-colored glasses - that it evidently isn't. It's very much a "you had to be there" type of thing.

Unfortunately, nowadays even the 'best' LO panels in S3 still don't come close to what the S1 panels accomplished - because for many of us, the rose-colored glasses are gone, we can't appreciate the good among the bad because we know now how bad it truly is and so the good just feels like wasted attempts at trying to recreate something it can no longer be. It "came back wrong" so to speak.

LO came back just regular. But our journey to resurrecting it changed us to such a degree that even its closest intimacies are now foreign to us. Sorry dude.

This is still probably one of my favorite panels out of the entirety of S3 for being as close to "old LO" as I've seen since S2, and even it feels like a mistake, an accident, how could a panel like this exist in S3 when so much of it is a dumpster fire? It's like a flower growing in the ruins of an apocalyptic wasteland.

But wasn't that always the case? Isn't that 'always' what LO has been, since the very beginning? A poorly cobbled together mess of writing and panels that, every now and then, manages to leave an impression that makes you feel something? Did we ever truly know LO? Or have we just been relying entirely on an idea of it that we've built up in our heads that when it does do exactly what it's evidently always done (even if not made apparent until looking back on it in hindsight) we think it "came back wrong"?

[supertale-au]

just as a fun bonus thing for anyone who’s curious, here are the original outlines for the comics i’ve posted so far

(there aren’t outlines for all of them because for the first few i skipped that step until i remembered that it makes the whole thing like 50 times easier)

some stuff did get cut, as you can see. some because i thought it messed with the pacing too much, some because i forgot and didn’t realize until it was too late to go back and add it without having to do a bunch of extra work (still kind of sad i forgot the “yup. right. glad we’ve established this.” bit from the gaster ask because it still makes me giggle.)

the ones that are more detailed are generally that way because i was trying to get their expressions right. neither frisk or sans are very expressive characters (especially since i don’t like to draw eyebrows) so figuring out how to get them to do enough visible emoting to make the jokes work properly has definitely been a struggle a couple times. this isn’t the first time i’ve done undertale comics by any means so i do have some practice with it, but usually everything i do is angst, so getting the goofiness of this comic to come across right requires a lot of stuff i haven’t really done before.

plus, almost all of my stuff prior to this has been lyric comics, which don’t have a ton of overlap as a medium with something like this.

an askblog is definitely different to what i’m used to. it feels weird drawing so many talking heads, but it’s definitely a lot faster and easier than the more complex stuff i do in my other comics, i can usually fully draw and color a full 4-6 panel page of this comic in an hour or two max, which is definitely not something i’m used to with comics. honestly, the time investment is part of why i do them so rarely normally, so seeing how fast i can churn out ones in this format is kind of cool. maybe it’ll motivate me to do more stuff in the future…

though part of that is also probably just that i’m refusing to let myself go perfectionist mode for this comic. i have a bad habit of setting my standards so high with projects that i end up just never finishing them, which i’ve been trying to get better about lately. that’s probably my news years resolution, honestly. to just half-ass more stuff.

overall this has been really fun so far and i’m glad i decided to finally bite the bullet and try it out. i’ve always wanted to do an askblog, but i always managed to talk myself out of it before, either on the basis of the quality of my art or my ability to actually keep working on a project long-term. the former is of course an incredibly goofy rationalization from someone who first got into webcomics via xkcd of all things… (aka the comic where they’re literally all stick figures) i should’ve remembered that art quality barely even matters in comics if the writing is good. like, it helps, but it’s definitely not essential, haha. and the latter reason… well, i’ve got a few longer pieces of fanfiction under my belt at this point, so i have a lot more confidence in myself on that front than i used to. i’ve also just gotten better at not beating myself up about not finishing things, i think.

for some portions of this comic, i actually think i’ll do fic interludes, or bits that are mostly fic with a few images for flavor. mostly for segments that have a lot of complex moving parts, like fight scenes or longer conversations or stuff like that, since doing that stuff in a pure comic format can end up taking prohibitively long even if you’re efficient about it. plus, i’ve always wanted to play with a multimedia story, even if i’ve only really gestured at it in my previous stuff… like, different mediums are good at different things, so since i’m fairly good at both art and writing, surely it’d make sense to do something that combines the strengths of both, right?

maybe once i finish this project i’ll finally revive my roleswap au…

[aseriesofunfortunatejan]

Hoodlum's flashback(s)

I'm supposed to be studying the economy so you know I stopped everything to buy Chapter 45 instead.

In Chapter 45, right as he learned that Doctor was responsible for Brawler's death (ouch, by the way), Hoodlum has a manga-exclusive flashback to a conversation he had with the guy he liked.

Sorry, I meant Brawler. Hoodlum asks him if he has a bucket list, being that they're wearing bomb collars and all.

(All the while Pupil is begging Junior not to kill himself, but that's not important.) Read more included because I feel compassionate towards the poor souls who didn't watch Akudama Drive.

Putting aside that Hoodlum said the exact same thing I did (!!!), Brawler apparently spoiled his last wish to Hoodlum ahead of time. Rude.

I'll be honest, this is a "meh" narrative choice to me. Of course, this is thankfully only shown as a late flashback, and doesn't take away from the reader's discovery of Brawler's arc, but as far as Hoodlum's feelings about Brawler, I think like this cheapens Episode 6 quite a lot.

Most important, it cheapens Hoodlum's famous gay realisation moment. What's there for his mind to go blank about if Brawler had already told him he felt this way? It's not that hot, he already enjoyed it the one time and had a cute, but not so strong reaction.

By all means, this above should have been in the flashback. If it took that long for Hoodlum to click what kind of person Brawler was when he actively told him some time before Episode 6, then my man is a bonafide idiot!!!!

In any case, I have to admit this is absolutely adorable. It's just... (Thinks about Shikoku Arc) (clenches fist) maybe writing isn't Rokurou Ogaki's strong suit... (my long nails dig a hole inside my palm)

Here goes my take that Hoodlum didn't quite understand what was happening, I guess. It seems it was actually the exact opposite, which is fair.

Regardless, as much as I think this flashback cheapens Hoodlum's reaction both to Brawler being really hot and to Brawler being really cold dead, this flashback is used very well within Chapter 45.

Although I believe that Hoodlum could (and did, as far as the anime went) come to this conclusion by himself, this memory of Brawler's last wish informs his decision to attack Doctor.

He actually has a second flashback right then. The guy has been through a lot!

I know someone whose fanfiction has gotten slightly invalidated by this admittedly late translation, but isn't the manga low-key Rokurou Ogaki's own fanfiction itself anyway?

It's fine, staff, she's just "gender unknown", so you can't justify taking this down.

Hoodlum recalls Doctor teaching him where the carotid artery is. This is actually a pretty interesting flashback - I can't say I would have guessed that's when she taught him that, but it makes sense coming from her. (That being said - what are they doing???? What's happening to you my man??? Are you into it? Why are you under the covers? Everyone knew your ass wasn't on top during that scene, but in any case, why is this happening to you? How did this come about? RUN!)

Loser has never "cut a carotid artery" before 🙄

For all his flaws, Rokurou Ogaki's flashbacks are worked very well into the narration. The two next panels are a perfect mirror of each other. (It's unclear whether the first panel takes place in the flashback or the present, but I don't think it should matter.)

As a hommage to what he and Brawler both did in the first flashback, Hoodlum flicks his thumb in a (bloody) thumbs up.

He then thinks to himself: "There's nothing better… than… fighting against… someone… stronger… than you…" (B-Bro…) He remembers his love intere- bro's smile one last time before dying.

A very sweet, interesting interpretation. This remains a little too on the nose to my taste - but it is interesting nonetheless. Hoodlum ended up learning the same bad lesson as Brawler. (Grandpa claims another soul.) This makes sense, since Brawler is someone he wanted influence from, contrary to Doctor, who forced herself upon him - using Brawler's memory to fight back against Doctor, especially since he's avenging him, ties the story together beautifully.

It's mostly the Brawler flashback I take issue with - I think it really serves the narration better if Hoodlum comes to this conclusion with less literal clues, in "Episode 6". As far as the narration of Chapter 45 of the manga goes, though, this is beautiful. Fuck you, Doctor. But I understand your tastes.

[o-rbin]

Thoughts on 271 because I'm still not over it

I know that essentially everyone is really disappointed by 271 for various reasons, but I think what really sticks out to me as the most disappointing is the grave mismanagement of JJK's outlying themes.

If nothing else, this series has dutifully stuck to the cruelty and unfairness of the Jujutsu World, and the thought that it doesn't have to be that way, that things could be better. JJK has stuck to this idea faithfully for the entire series. Countless literary devices, parallels, and foils have been thrown in our faces over and over to bring this point home:

Their world is awful, but love prevails.

Or, it was supposed to, anyway. I can see the areas where Gege attempted to make this true, but ultimately I feel as though the story falls really short at the end. I can't say as to what the reason is, if Gege was just tired and too overworked, or if the story was really planned to go this way, but it's absolutely obscene to fumble something that important at the last second.

I am just as upset about Gojo as anyone else, but I think what's even worse is not the fact that his character is gravely disrespected, but the very foundation that his entire story arc is built off of - the entire reason he went through all that suffering and heartbreak - was BECAUSE he was supposed to be a touchstone for change.

So it falls really flat when, in the end, we didn't get that.

Now, maybe (theoretically) we are just supposed to assume this change occurred because Gojo got rid of the higher ups. But I still feel like even if that's the case, there's not enough in the epilogue to really point us to that conclusion, and can be summed up as conjecture at best. Genuinely, there's nothing about the end of Jujutsu Kaisen that makes me feel like some great shift has occurred. Ultimately, we are at the same place that we began:

High school kids, fighting curses.

We actually didn't even get to undo the premise that people are being used as tools, because, we still are seeing that in the end, and the fact that Gojo was not mourned, or given at least a funeral - the fact that we don't even know what happened to his body- completely dashes any and all hopes of that ever coming full circle. Gojo, to the end of the series, was only ever treated as a human by Geto and Yuta. Even then though, we didn't see a follow up on Yuta 'becoming a monster' in Gojo's place. The narrative just doesn't address it other than making it into a bit of a joke (ouch).

We really didn't even see the full eradication of Sukuna, either, seeing as the last page is his remaining finger.

So I just feel as though, in the end, the story just doesn't do itself any justice. There's no change that's happened, just an obscene amount of grief.

Megumi is still the same boy we saw in chapter one; never learned how to live for himself. We never see his true potential. We haven't gotten a conclusion on Yuji being the new 'strongest' which had been my assumption through the entire series.

We also didn't really get much of the theme addressed where the narrative was punishing Gojo for 'fighting alone' where Yuji and his friends succeed together. I mean, sure, they did technically work together, but it doesn't really feel like the actual defeat of Sukuna at the end was a collaborative effort. Other than his showdown with Todo and Yuji, it still felt like for the most part people were still 1v1 Sukuna, and when we did see people work together it was for one or two or so panels. It doesn't really drive the theme home.

I am really just disappointed in how everything has been managed when we stuck to these ideas the entire time. It's honestly jarring how the story went from being one of the most beautifully written tragedies, to a haphazard collection of ideas hastily thrown in a box and tied with a bow holding it together. There's too many loose ends, too many characters who didn't get a conclusion, too many wasted elements and unanswered questions.

The series is always going to be dear to me, and the characters are the absolute highlight of the experience, but I do wish that the insane level of forethought and care got put into the end of the series as much as it did the beginning. Because the beginning is some of the best writing I have seen from anything in a long time.

[panelshowsource]

it seem so 😔 it's amazing to hear he's recovering well enough to write a whole show and do a whole tour! i have a feeling it won't be filmed, so it would be great to hear any of your experiences if you get a chance to see the show. (maybe you can send me a summary? i'm sure he'll talk more about it all then, given the synopsis for the tour :')) off the back of sean, rhod, and janey godley, i was just thinking about how the generation of comedians i grew up with are hitting more vulnerable years, which is very sobering, but i digress...

here are the tour dates for anyone who missed the announcement!

here on panelshowsource? because i was busy and not online :)

sorry anon, you sent this a couple days after his bday and i don't think i'll do belated posts. i actually wanted to do something for it, but i was just busy with life and didn't get enough of a head start (i usually need 2–3 days prep time). next time!

yes i totally agree! i like daisy on the show because she clearly loves music (the way she's always hyping up the identity parade artists is honestly really wholesome and appreciated) and she is a riot — even if she's exaggerating, better that someone is exaggerating having fun than not. i guess that's where daisy and jamali balance each other out, some episodes lmaooo greg is a textbook ham, so daisy getting such a kick out of his RIDICULOUS jokes — which makes greg so happy — plus greg and noel already having such a comfortable (and often silly) rapport makes them such a solid 3. greg and jamali have definitely gotten more comfortable with each other, too. they're a fucking random bag of people but i think it works! that show is a hot mess of good, goofy vibes

yeah, sometimes! just depends on the interviewee. last new one i listened to was probably ed byrne? i was just listening to a john kearns one since (spoiler alert for this ask post) someone asked for a collection folder for john — it's a sweet one. to be fair, john is just a sweet man. i'm not crazy about richard herring — he's fine — so sometimes i'll quit mid-way if richard is making it too much about himself or complaining too much (you know how he is). but in general i don't think i've missed anything significant bc i got bored or skipped an ep. do you recommend one?

sure! they're honestly one of my faves ever. obsessed with them. i was just thinking about what chaos jimmy + jon + joe + roisin are, generally the episodes when joe is filling in for sean. jimmy already loves a derailing, and you can tell he gets such a kick out of both joe and roisin (same way he gets a kick out of rob beckett, honestly), and jon really lets loose with those three — they're SO stupid hahahaha like this has to be one of the most random, stupid episodes ever i love it so much

it will be my pleasure doing research for such a gifset 😈

i have added him to the collection folder!

linked to some typical panel shows + added his radio 4 series, his latest radio dramedy with tim key and his sitcom top coppers (both added to the secondary masterpost), a couple sketch things, a couple youtube things :) i also collected his podcasts + a few random episodes i don't host on drive and added the links in a doc which i added as well (i'll go back and do that for the existing collections this weekend!)

enjoy!

ps. working on nish, mike wozniak, and david & victoria folders

—

WATCH LINKS MASTERPOST / FAQ / TAGS / ASK

[unfixablebabyyy]

pt 2

There's something wrong with me. I haven't really been sleeping which is doing a number on the bags under my eyes. I keep getting these crazy headaches. I think I'm breaking out- I caught a blemish in the mirror last night and I'm certain it's gotten worse. Unfortunately, it's all your fault. The last woman I slept with was in and out of my mind faster than I was in and out of her, but you are driving me absolutely insane. Mac has started to notice, which is goddamn annoying. He keeps looking at me like I have some kind of disease, asking me stupid questions, constantly hovering. Maybe it's because I stopped eating. Or maybe it's because I stopped taking my meds. Either way, he knows something is up, but he can't find out, and neither can Charlie, and absolutely not Frank. You're too sweet to keep a secret from Dee and, no offense, but quite frankly, I don't think you could- you're not a very good liar. And if Dee knows we slept together, what if she told you about all the weird and horrible things I've done? She's been oddly quiet about the whole thing. I can't even think about it without feeling nauseous. What if she told you about the system? Or the binders? Or the tapes? Or all that stuff hidden in the side panel in the trunk of my car? I'm not stupid, I know that stuff is more than off-putting- it's incriminating. I need to calm down. I really need a Valium but I forgot to get my prescription filled- my mind has been occupied by one thing: you.

It's been about a week since we had sex. I made you dinner, and I did my homework- I knew exactly what to say, exactly when to laugh, exactly how and where to touch you. I like the music you listen to and the movies you watch, or at least that's what I made you think when I had it all queued up, with notes on your favorite parts. We're compatible, see? I drank too much, which was stupid of me, but you didn't seem to mind. It all happened so fast and intense and I was in control right up until I wasn't. As I watch the tape for the 500th time I swear I can pinpoint the exact moment you slipped into my brain and made a permanent home there. That night I did the unthinkable and actually allowed you to stay over and when I woke up the next morning with you lying beside me I was shocked to realize that I actually hated the thought of you leaving. And when you did finally leave, I felt so empty it made me sick.

Usually, once I've been with someone intimately, my desire for them fizzles into boredom within a few hours or so, but I feel like I want you more now than I ever did before. I need to feel your hands on my body, your breath against my neck, your lips on mine. I need to taste you again. I want to own you, put you on a leash or handcuff you to my bed and leave you there so that I know you're all mine.

I need to shower. I need to eat something. I need my meds. My hands are starting to tremor and when I stand up my head rushes and I almost blackout. Is this what it feels like? I'd almost forgotten. I need to focus. The last time I felt even remotely this way for someone, it ended in alimony and a murder accusation. I pick up my phone from my bedside table. 5:17 PM.

"Hey. Stop by the bar if you're out tonight, drinks are on me." Send. I groan. Get it together. I should really go and open the bar. Can't forget to stop by the pharmacy.

It takes me two hours to get ready because I can't decide what to wear or which cologne you might like more. The uncertainty is making me so anxious I forget to grab something to eat on the way out.

"Dennis! Can I come with you?"

I think Mac is yelling at me as I bound down the stairs, but I don't really care- I can't handle him right now. Outside the sun is getting low, painting the sidewalk with shadows. When I get to my car and slide into the driver's seat, I immediately feel a little better. The warmth of the day coupled with the smell of the interior lull the chaos into a low buzz. I inhale through my nose and close my eyes. Relax. I turn on the Range and the radio comes to life. I cringe, resist the urge to cover my ears with my hands as the chorus of "Hungry Like the Wolf" blasts at full volume. I snatch the dial and turn it down. Any other time I would've loved a little Duran Duran, but right now, it's jarring and abrasive. I pull out a Jimmy Buffet CD and stick it into the slot. As I back out of a parallel park, I begin to sing along, "I spent four lonely days in a brown LA haze, and I just want you back by my side." That's right, focus. Pharmacy. Bar. Pharmacy. Bar. Pharmacy. Bar.

I almost blow up at the pharmacist over the fact that it takes twice as long to get my prescription, except that she looks at me like she knows me, and not in a good way. She's tall, with dark hair and chocolate eyes, and I have to admit she does look a little familiar, but she's not you, so it doesn't matter. When she hands me my prescription and I still don't recognize her, she seems irritated.

Back in the Range, I pop open the cap and dump the pills in my hand. I pick out one and swallow it dry. The rest of the medication go back into the bottle, with the cap twisted tight, and I'm off to the bar, 20mph over the speed limit. When I finally turn onto Paddy's block, I clock Dee's car across the street from the entrance. I should have never given her that damn key. But then again, I've been so distracted lately, maybe I left it unlocked. Thank god the Valium is starting to kick in, otherwise I would be boiling over right now. Lucky her, I guess. I still slam the door when I get out, but before I enter the building, I roll the tension out of my shoulders and take a deep breath.

Inside, Dee is sitting at the bar, facing the door, with a heavy pour of wine in her hand and a smug grin plastered on her sharp face. Our entire lives, she's never bested me in anything other than being born 3 minutes before me, so her confidence right now is unnerving.

"Oh come on, really? Have you just been sitting here alone all day getting drunk?" a successful attempt at knocking her down a peg. Whatever you've told her (or she's told you) has inflated her ego dangerously.

"What?! Fuck you, I'm not drunk, I'm trapping you," she snaps back.

"Trapping me?" I can't help but laugh. It's so easy to get under her skin. I step behind the bar and take a clean glass to the tap, pouring myself a beer, preparing myself for what's to come.

"What do you want with my friend you little freak?" she blurts out, as clumsy with her words as she is with her lanky body.

"You have friends?" the drugs are doing their job. I feel like I'm beginning to even out, gain some control.

Dee, on the other hand, is seeing red, "You know who I'm talking about, don't play stupid with me. You couldn't just bang her and be done?" So then she knows I invited you.

"Honestly, Dee, I don't know who you're talking about," I take a sip of my beer and lean on the bar.

"Oh yeah? Then why don't I just text her and tell her not to come to Paddy's tonight?" Bitch. She smiles when she sees the mask come off and I glare at her.

"Whatever," my jaw clenches a little, but I try to maintain my posture.

"So? What are you planning?" she asks, and I roll my eyes.

"You always assume the worst," to be fair, she's also seen the worst.

"Yeah, because you haven't fucked the same girl twice since high school," that's probably true, "So what is it? You trying to prove some point to Mac? Did you and Frank make some gross bet about 'who could fuck Dee's friend first'? I mean what are you up to?" she squints at me, trying desperately to see inside my brain. I just shrug.

"Nothing," she should know I'm telling the truth- it's incredibly difficult to lie to your twin. But apparently I absorbed most of her brain in the womb.

"Dennis."

"Deandra," I mock, my patience wearing thin. Before she can open her big mouth, I say, "It's just drinks, ok? I had fun last time and I figured we could all hang out. That's all."

The longer the silence lingers, the more she begins to believe me until her eyes go wide, and she gasps, "Oh my God!" Suddenly, the door crashes open and in walk Frank, Mac, and Charlie. My stomach drops. I shoot her a pleading look, but she's ecstatic.

"Don't fuck this up for me," I whisper through clenched teeth, but it's too late. Dee turns to the gang.

"Dennis has a crush!" she shouts. The guys go silent. Mac's face twists as he cocks his head to the side.

"On a girl?" Frank doesn't look convinced.

"No he doesn't," Mac says incredulously. Good boy.

"Yeah, come on, Dee, what are you saying?" Charlie laughs.

"Shut up, Dee. If Dennis had a crush I would know about it, right Dennis?" Mac flashes his puppy eyes at me.

"Yeah, for sure," I reply, and Mac gives Dee an 'I told you so' look. The wind is absolutely sucked out of her sails.

"No, no, guys, do you remember my friend from the other day?" she desperately tries to hold their attention, but they've already stopped caring. We exchange glances, but that's the last of it.

"Dennis, pour me a glass of that slippery drink," Frank says as he climbs onto a barstool. My nerves are too fried for this shit.

"How am I supposed to know what that is?"

Frank waves his hand, "I don't know, Charlie always makes it for me."

"Oh good, I'm sure it's not something poison, then."

"No, no, Dennis, see, the Borax gives it this really nice sweet metallic taste-" Charlie begins to explain, but I raise my hand to cut him off.

"You know what, Charlie? I'm going to stop you right there because Borax is the stuff we use to clean the bar towels." I turn back to Frank, "I'm not making that- you're getting a beer."

"Oh, me too, please, Dennis!" Mac chimes in as he squeezes past Dee to sit on the stool beside her, nearly knocking her off her seat.

A few hours and a couple of drinks later, the door to Paddy's opens and in you walk with a burst of cool night air. There's the clatter of pool balls as Mac stands from his shot and I smile at you from the table, leaning on my pool stick, the medication and the alcohol bringing me right back down to where I need to be.

"Hey! Look who it is!" Charlie, who is drunk enough to be slurring his words, waves you over. "Wanna see something crazy I found in the alley today?" Before he can show you whatever it is, Dee pulls you aside and shoves some strong cocktail she made into your hand. I need to intercept.

"You want another drink?" I ask Mac to cover myself. I want to sprint over to you but I need to have self control.

"Nah," thankfully, he's busy lining up and practicing his next shot. As I make my way over I can feel my heart beating against my rib cage like a trapped moth.

"Hey," I hug you, kissing you on the cheek as I lean in. You're so warm and your hair smells like shampoo.

"Hi," your face feels hot against my cheek and when I pull away I can see that it's starting to turn pink. Dee looks like she's about to throw up.

"You wanna play?" I ask, motioning to the pool stick in my right hand, "Mac and I just finished a game."

"Yeah, sure," you look so cute and you don't even have to try- though it's obvious you have. It's reassuring. You want to impress me which means Dee couldn't have told you much.

"I'll be right over, I was just gonna grab another beer," I point to the abomination Dee gave you, "You want something else?"

You blush and look over your shoulder to make sure Dee isn't paying attention before leaning in, "A beer would be great," you whisper. God, you're so sweet, so careful about my sister's feelings. I nod and give you a little wink and when you brush past me to join Mac at the pool table I'm hit with a wave of your perfume and it's just as intoxicating as the first time.

"What did you tell her?" my face is inches from her ear, causing Dee to jump and drop her phone onto the bar.

She rolls her eyes and huffs, "Nothing, weirdo. Your stupid little secret is safe with me... for now."

Great. She wants to keep me nervous, like she's got me wrapped around her finger, but she never will. That information is all I need from her. I grab the beers and head back to the pool table, ignoring her glare. There you're bent over the felt, taking notes from Mac who thinks he's giving you good advice.

"Now when you go to hit the ball, if you put your hips into it, it's like an extra boost of power," he's saying as I step up behind you.

"I don't think that's right, Mac," you reply.

"Well then how do you do it?" he challenges. I cant stop staring at your ass.

You line up your shot and strike the cue ball. It hits a stripe that ricochets off the side of the table before missing the pocket by a fraction of an inch. "Fuck," you mutter.

"See? You needed that extra push!" Mac thrusts his hips as he tries to prove his point.

"Mac, you look and sound ridiculous," I finally weigh in, setting our beers on a nearby table. "Here," I prop my stick up against the table and pick up the cue ball, placing it in its original position. "Try again," I say, and you obey. You bend back over the table and aim your stick at a different stripe ball. Such a good girl. My fingers slowly press into your hips, tilting them forward as the heel of my hand presses gently into the small of your back. I nudge your feet apart so that you're standing square. I have to step back or you'll feel how hard I'm getting. You take another shot, and the stripe falls into the pocket with a satisfying crack.

"Whatever," Mac stomps over to the bar, leaving the two of us to start our game.

I give an approving nod that I know goes straight to your panties, "That was pretty good." You lean back against the table and cross your arms over your chest, which squishes your breasts together, and you wore something low cut like a little slut. I want to take you out back and pick up where we left off, "Why don't we make this a little more interesting?" You raise an eyebrow, "How about loser goes home with the winner?"

"Hm," you match my grin, your eyes dancing, "Fine. Deal." And I'm back on. You want me, and any doubt or fear I'd held onto despite the Valium and the alcohol vanishes instantly. I begin to gather the balls for the break.

"Just out of curiosity, what do you think my chances are here?"

Without looking up, I chuckle and reply, "Slim to none." I then lift up the rack and gesture, "After you."

Ten minutes later, you lose. Of course.

"Good game," I round the table to lean next to you. You're so close I can feel the heat of your body against me and if it weren't for my friends and the accusations this afternoon, I'd kiss you. "So, did you wanna leave now, or...?" You laugh.

"I thought you were buying drinks tonight?" you challenge. It's only 10:00- the night is still young and you want a hunt. I'm more than happy to give it to you.

"Fine," the words leave my mouth faster than I can catch them, "I suppose if you're willing to release your inhibitions, I'm not going to argue." That was a bizarre thing to say. I'm still off my game, unable to reel it in because every time I look at you I think about the way you made me feel that night. To my surprise, you just giggle.

"If you slip me something, I'll pretend I didn't see," you shouldn't joke about that- I just might.

"Hey you guys wanna do some shots?" Frank shouts across the bar.

"Looks like you're up, bartender," you bat your eyelashes at me before walking over to the bar to join the rest of the gang, hips swaying, making my mouth water.

As the evening wears on, one by one they drop like flies. Charlie is the first to go- passed out in the men's restroom, an open can of paint at his side. Next is Frank, of course, sprawled over Charlie's lap and snoring like a chainsaw. Dee and Mac last until around 2AM, but after Dee throws up into the ice machine, it takes every ounce of composer for me not to lose my mind on her. You might find that unattractive. Instead I suggest she goes home, heavily implying that it's not a suggestion at all. Mac is the last to go, but he doesn't leave without asking if I need help closing about a million times and throwing you an odd look. When the door shuts and the two of us are finally alone, you lean over the bar, and I can feel your eyes on me as I wipe down the counter with an old bar towel.

"So, Dee seems to think there's an expiration date on our... whatever you wanna call this." That dumb bitch. I bet she told you all about my penchant for fleeting affairs. I bet she told you I'm a womanizer or a misogynist or just a fucking asshole. I bet she told you you were too good for me, and maybe she's right, but fuck her.

"Dee doesn't think- if she did that would imply that she has a brain," that was too mean. I can tell because you don't respond right away and I'm afraid that maybe you think I'm annoyed at you and not my idiot sister.

"If there is, that's fine," you continue carefully, "I would just like to be in the know."

"My sister believes I'm incapable of having any kind of genuine feelings toward someone I'm sleeping with," I have a feeling you'd appreciate honesty over any lie I could conjure up, even if it's a good one. You're clever. Sometimes I feel like you can see right through me and it scares the shit out of me.

You pause. "Is she right?"

"No," I've never been so sincere with a woman and it's making my palms sweat. You hold back a grin and I feel exposed, my stomach clenches, and I have to take the wheel or I'm going to start getting all nervous. I bite down on the inside of my cheek. "Alright," I pick up my jacket from behind the bar and pull my keys out of the pocket, "You wanna get out of here?"

"Absolutely."

You wait on the sidewalk as I turn off the 'Open' sign and lock the doors. Tossing the jacket into the back seat of my Range Rover, I round to your side and open the passenger door for you. As you step up to slide into the car, you lean up and kiss my cheek and I feel my entire body go numb.

"What a gentleman," you grin and bite your lip and I want to spank you but I don't because you just called me a gentleman.

We share a cigarette on the way to the apartment despite my rule against it in the car- I can't help myself, I need to taste your mouth. You tell me all about the week you had and I react as if I don't know- as if I haven't been following you around this entire time. As I slowly pull up to the building, I look up at my window where I catch a glimpse of Mac as he flips on the kitchen light and walks past. Shit. As I park the car, I figure the best I can do is bring you upstairs and hope Mac sees it as an easy fallback- if I could get Dee's friend once, might as well get her again while she's around, right? That cover story would have to do.

You follow me into the building and up the stairs, pausing at the door as I sort through the keys. Just as I touch the key to the lock, the door jerks open.

"Oh thank God- I heard you coming down the hallway- hey can you help me-" Mac is breathless as he speaks, but when his eyes fall on you he abruptly stops. "Uh, hey." He smiles at you to mask his confusion.

"Long time, no see," you joke and he lets out a short laugh before glancing at me. I glare back at him, challenging him to choose his words carefully.

"Yeah... So what are you guys up to tonight?" Wrong. I clench my jaw. What do you think?

"We were just going to go watch a movie," I squint at Mac, hoping he'll get the hint to shut up and go away.

"Oh, cool, well... have fun," Mac looks for approval, but I deny him the satisfaction, brushing past him and pulling you along until we're both in my bedroom behind a locked door. The reality of having you alone in here is indescribable. It's all nerves and appetite in the dim blue light. It all feels so good in the dark.

I'm willing to behave, but as I move towards the television, your body collides into mine, your lips on my neck, teeth grazing my skin. I already like this game more than any other we've played.

"Are you gonna fuck me tonight, daddy?" your voice in my ear sends chills down my arms. Your generation is so needy, and I knew you were dangerous when you let me come close to choking you in the alley that night, but I've been looking through your laptop when you leave it at home, your phone when you were sleeping the night I claimed you. I've seen your search history, the things you watch at 3AM when you're lonely in bed and undoubtedly thinking of me. You're depraved.

"Oh yeah, kitten," my fingers weave through the hair at the base of your skull. I tug hard and you gasp, chin tilted upward, throat exposed. You shiver when I run my tongue from your collarbone to the curve of your jaw. I nip your earlobe before pushing you away roughly.

You stumble back and bite your lip, waiting for a command. It's been two weeks since we met, and one intimate encounter and you're already so eager to obey. God, you're perfect. "Take your clothes off," our eyes are locked, and I don't let you look away. It's almost sacrilegious that you're still fully clothed- here in my room, you belong naked. Always. You pull your shirt over your head and reach behind for your bra. "No," my voice stops you on a dime, "Slower," I demand as I step back and sit down on the edge of my bed.

From here, I watch the way your breath hitches when the cups of your bra brush your nipples as it slides down your arms and falls to the floor, the way you rub your thighs together before pushing your jeans to your ankles, the way you look at me- standing there, in just your underwear, exposed- like a fawn in the soft glow of the city night that filters through the window.

"Come here," you look like you want to jump into my lap, but you're being so disciplined with me. And why wouldn't you be? I'm your elder, I command respect, and it's my job to teach you manners. You slowly walk over and straddle my hips before planting yourself on my thighs, your hands pressed against my chest.

I wonder if you can feel my entire body buzzing beneath you. You've been waiting for this, too. I can tell. You're absolutely ravenous with it. Usually I would find this kind of behavior to be slightly endearing if not pathetic, but I want you so bad it's only driving me further down the rabbit hole. You're allowing me to control you and it's like it's the only thing I've ever truly wanted. I wonder how far you'll let me go. Not tonight. I want you to trust me- I /need/ you to trust me. So for now I'll play nice. If you want daddy to fuck you, then I will. I'll make you think I love you, princess.

I slip a hand between us and press my index and middle finger to your clothed cunt. It's already soaked through the fabric. I watch your pupils blow out as I push your panties aside and touch you, dipping both fingers into your soft, wet folds and sliding them up to meet your clit. You let out a soft mewl and I have to remind myself to breathe. Usually it's all about me, and why wouldn't it be? I'm the man after all. But I need you to know how good I can make you feel so that it hurts even more when I teach you what pain really is. I'm going to make you cum over and over again in every way I can possibly think of, and then, I'm going to deprive you. I can't wait to watch the light slip out of your eyes when you realize the fun is over, that you're mine, that your only purpose is to please me.

I can't help myself- without warning, I plunge my fingers into your tight little hole. You rise, yelp, jerk away at the sudden intrusion, but I'm much stronger than you, and an arm around your waist holds you in place.

"Shh," I swirl my fingers inside of you and you cringe, but this time, you stay seated like a good girl. You like it when I hurt you. I reward you with patience- pumping my fingers in and out of you slowly, gently spreading them as I go, stretching you out. You moan and slump into me, your face to my neck, planting lazy kisses as I work on your pussy. I feel like I'm going to black out. My clothes are suffocating. When I pull my hand away from your heat, you whine. I wrap both arms around you and flip you onto your back so that I'm on top of you, my knees between your legs, arms on either side of your rib cage. I sit up for a moment to remove my shirt, unbuckle my pants. You bite your lip and I reach down and run my thumb along your jaw. You lean in to my touch and when I get to your chin I gently pull your bottom lip from between your teeth. And then the pad of my thumb is pressing down on your tongue.

"You look so pretty," and you do- looking up at me through your eyelashes, sucking on my thumb, body nearly naked beneath me. Nearly. I pull my hand away from your face and nudge your hips. You lift them and I slide your panties down enough for you to relax back into the mattress. As I begin to work the thin fabric down your legs, something comes over me, and I back down off the bed and kneel on the floor. You sit up, watching me, eyes going wide when I grab your ankles and tug you closer. I haven't done this in a really long time. A really long time. I'm not nervous, but my heart is racing.

I pull you a little closer, and this time I'm more gentle. You inhale sharply when I drape your knees over my shoulders and the flutter of my breath hits your glistening cunt. When I look up at you, your eyes lock with mine, and I take the opportunity to slowly lower my head between your thighs. I watch your face as I press the flat of my tongue against your hole and drag it up. You taste so good, better than I'd imagined. Your fingers curl into my hair, and the dull burn in my scalp feels so good, I pull away a little just to feel your grip tighten as you whine and tug me back into you.

I hear you breathe my name as I relearn how to do this. I had been certain there wasn't a thing about sex that you could teach me, yet here we are. And I want to make you feel good. I want to be the best you've ever had. I need to be. So I take it slow, I pay attention to the way your body moves, the sounds you make, the pace of your breath, the rate of your pulse against my mouth.

I pull away for a moment for air, turn my face into your inner thigh and close my teeth around your soft flesh and you gasp and pull my hair so hard my head feels like it's on fire, so instead of letting go, I leave a dark purple hickey in the center of the indentation my teeth made on your skin. You moan and it rattles through me and I'm back to devouring you. I add a finger, then two, then three, and the sounds you're making are absolutely obscene and I think I'm getting you closer.

You squeeze down on my fingers and I swear to god I feel it on my dick. I groan into you and the vibration makes you flutter around me again and I touch myself with my free hand. I might actually cum from this. Your legs start to shake on my shoulders, and I focus on doing everything right as you whimper and moan and white knuckle my sheets.

"Dennis," your voice breaks through our syncopated panting and makes my dick twitch in my hand and if my eyes were open you would see them roll to the back of my head. The pressure is building- I feel your thighs tense against my ears, and I'm beginning to lose my pace on myself- it all feels so overwhelmingly good. I open my eyes to see your chest rising and falling quickly. Like a trapped rabbit. My teeth graze against your flesh and I nip at you lightly, shove my tongue inside of you, replace it with my fingers once again as I suck and bite at your clit. You let out one loud scream before remembering where you are, and sob as you teeter on the edge of climax.

"Daddy, c-can I-" you clench your jaw and knit your brow and it's so cute that you can't even use your words, and it's so cute that you call me daddy, and I'm about to cum, too, so all I can say is:

"Yeah, princess," and you're cumming around my fingers, against my open mouth as I spill out over the carpet and think vaguely about the stain. I thought you tasted good before, but now, I'm ravenous, and I love the way you tremble as I refuse to let up.

A few seconds later, you're cumming again, and if it wasn't for the alcohol and my medication, I would be ready for round two. Instead, I clean you up with my tongue and you scratch my head in sweet little circles as you come down. When your fingers find the space behind my ears my whole body tingles and it's like you've hit some sort of off switch. You giggle when I moan and close my eyes and rest my head against your thigh.

"I always catch you doing this," you take my earlobe between your thumb and forefinger and rub it a little, "What's up with that?" I hum at the familiar feeling coming from unfamiliar hands.

"I've been doing it since I was little," I mumble as you continue to make my brain short circuit, "I do it when I'm nervous," I'm not sure why I told you that part.

"You were doing it at the bar tonight," you comment, and despite the pleasure, my body tenses a little, "Do I make you nervous?"

When I open my eyes and look up at you, you're looking right through me, into my soul. I can't lie.

"Yes," and it makes me crazy. You smile.

"Good. That must mean you really like me."

I roll my eyes and sneak a quick nip to the inside of your thigh where my cheek was resting. You yelp and sit up to smack at me but I'm faster and I'm on top of you, pinning you by the wrists as you laugh. I hate how vulnerable you make me, all twisted up and trapped inside, and I feel like I need to contain you, but my hands on your wrists and my weight on top of you isn't enough. You have invaded every part of me, and it's too much.

"Well?" I can hear the smile in your voice even though my face is buried in your neck.

"Yeah, yeah," I feel like I'm in high school. You're younger than me and here I am blushing into the crook of your shoulder.

"Cool," your fingers slip through the hair at the base of my skull, "I like you, too." And even though I know that, the wave of relief that rolls over me makes me physically relax.

"Then you're staying," it's something between a question and a statement because the adrenaline is still making my head fuzzy. With my ear against your chest I can hear the methodical beat of your heart behind your sternum. I can't remember a time I was this intimate with someone. I want to get up, wash my face, grab you some of my clothes to wear, but my skin feels stuck to yours and your fingers in my hair is turning me off again. The air conditioner hums to life in my window and I feel the goosebumps pick up on your arms, your legs, the cool breeze ghosting over the thin sheen of sweat on your body. I sigh as I pick myself up off of you. I walk over to my dresser and tug open the top drawer, pulling out one of my Penn sweatshirts and toss it to you.

You bring the ball of fabric to your face, close your eyes and inhale. "You know this is mine, now," you say as you pull it over your head and hug yourself. I wish you weren't joking- I would love to see you in my sweatshirt every day for the rest of your life. I hope you wear it home tomorrow. I hope you don't go home at all. Next I throw you a pair of my boxers and when you stand and shimmy them up your legs, they hang so loosely off of your hips that I can almost see the v of your pelvis before you smooth the sweatshirt back down.

You hop back onto the bed and burrow under the covers, and I go to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. By the time I get back, you're sound asleep, your head on my pillow, filling my bed with the smell of your shampoo and body wash and lotion and perfume and you. I'm careful not to disturb you as I make my way into bed, as if you might leave if you wake up. When I wrap my arms around you and pull you into me, you murmur in your sleep and relax into my chest. I probably won't get much rest tonight, so I just enjoy the feeling of your warmth against me and the sound of your breathing as I think of how I'm going to explain this to my friends.

so i just read You and was obsessed w the perspective and also i just love getting a lil peak into dennis's brain so this is a something i wrote idk (also slightly inspired by that one meme of that anime girl lol)

(nsfw, minors DNI)

Dee's taste in... well, everything is absolutely abhorrent, but her taste in people is especially repugnant, which is why I can't fathom why such a striking creature would ever consider her a friend. What do you see in her? She's annoying and rude and abrasive, but you, you're none of those things. And I knew that the second I met you, but I had to be sure. So for the last week or so I've been doing a bit of research and it turns out, you really are just perfect- kind, smart, fun, absolutely stunning. Your only flaw lies in the fact that you're so incredibly naive. You leave your doors unlocked, your windows open, you always walk around the city with headphones on and your face in your phone. You're such an easy target. Don't you know how sick the world can be? But it's ok, it's not your fault- you're prey. Good thing I've got my eye on you. I'll protect you, even if it means you never go outside off leash again.

And now, as you sit across the bar from me, I can smell your perfume and I just want to drown in it, in you. You're half turned away, joking with Charlie as he throws darts, and from your side profile I can make out the tiny bumps of your nipples under your shirt. The past three nights you've come with Dee to the bar, you haven't worn a bra. You're clever, but not subtle. It's beyond cute. When you turn to me, I make sure my gaze lingers on your chest a second too long. I want you to know that I noticed.

"Hey!" I could never get tired of your voice. I need to know what it sounds like after a long night of crying.

"I.D., please."

You giggle. I've been carding you since the first night you came in, it's become a joke between us. Really, I just love reminding myself how young you are. When you hand it over, I brush my fingers against yours. I pretend to examine it and nod approvingly before handing it back. You grin, and this time, you brush your fingers against mine.

"Alright, what can I get you?"

You bite your lip, "Surprise me." Of course you want me to decide for you. I smile. I could surprise you. I could slip you something and we could have a night full of surprises. But not yet.

"You got it." And I know exactly what I'll make you- I saw the cranberry juice in your fridge and the vodka on your counter while doing my research. You were at work.

"Just don't make it too strong." Don't worry, I won't start making them strong until you're at least three in. Your eyes go wide as the song playing over the jukebox changes from some Dire Straits Mac had put on to Depeche Mode. "Personal Jesus". Kind of on the nose, but you won't notice.

"Oh my god I fucking love this song," you're so bubbly, and I know, I saw the album sitting on your record player. That's why I queued it up when Dee mentioned you'd be stopping by.

"I saw them when I was in middle school," don't forget, I'm old enough to be your daddy. I was in my twenties when you were born. You like that- I can tell by the way your cheeks get a little more pink.

"Ugh you're so lucky, I would love it if they toured again," I slide you your drink and smile.

"Well, if they do, I'll take you." Did your dad ever buy you concert tickets? I bet he did.

"Then it's a date," now you're really blushing, "or whatever." You're so sweet it's making me lightheaded. 'Or whatever'? So submissive. I imagine if I were to take a bite out of you I might get a toothache.

"It can be a date," of course it's a date. You bring your drink to your lips and sip and god I wish I could just reach over and taste you. You smile as you set it down.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think maybe you like me," Like you? Last night I was looking at custom dog bowls for the cage I'm going to put you in. I can't sleep at night without touching myself to the thought of cumming inside of you, marking you, making you mine. I don't like you, I want to cut you open and crawl inside of your ribs and hold your heart in my hands.

"You're adorable," I could rip you apart with my teeth. You cross your legs and readjust in your seat. Again, not subtle. I wonder just how wet you are. I mean Jesus Christ, all I have to do is look at you and I can practically hear that little lamb heart beating in your chest, and I can only wear this wool for so long. Sooner or later you're going to see the teeth and the claws. Maybe they'll scare you, maybe not. Either way, it won't matter when they're making you bleed, and judging by how red your face gets when I speak to you, I think you'll bleed easy. Bruise easy, too.

"Do you flirt with all of your sister's friends?" you're starting to get a little bolder. I lean in so that my face is inches from yours, like I have a secret. Your eyelashes flutter.

"No. Only you," I won't play your games, I want my intensity to bring you to your knees. The last couple of days have been fun- toying with you, making you wonder whether my charming smiles and compliments and gentle touches were platonic or not. But it's time to show you who's in charge. You bite your lip. I swear to god I can smell the pheromones on you.

It doesn't take me long to get you drunk enough to slip out the back door with me while everyone else argues over a game of pool. You really are such a lightweight. As the door swings shut behind us, I cup your little face in my hands and press my lips to yours. I don't want to. What I want to do is rip your clothes off and pull you to the ground and watch as the panic begins to rise when I slap my hand over your pretty mouth to muffle you. But that could be dangerous and I have to control myself. You kiss me back and slip your hands under my t-shirt where they roam across my chest, up my shoulders, down my back. It's giving me goosebumps and making it harder not to hurt you. I decide to test my limits. When I push you up against the rough brick exterior, I shove a little too hard and you yelp. But it only seems to make you want me more. So when I lean in to kiss you again, I bite down on your bottom lip, and you moan. Of course you're one of those girls. You love the abuse.

My hand finds your neck and you gasp even though I don't tighten my grip- I just want you to know I could- I want to. Someday I will- I'll choke you so hard and for so long you'll pass out, and then I'll smack your face until you wake up, just to do it again. I'll make you beg for the privilege of breathing. But not tonight. If I ever want to get to that point, I have to stay focused. Besides, just the feeling of my fingertips on your throat is turning you on- I can feel a wet patch forming on my knee where I shoved my leg between yours.

The heat of your body is making your perfume stronger and I feel like I'm going insane, like I'm on the verge of doing something depraved. You push your hand into the waistband of my jeans, then my boxers, and I can't help but growl when your fingers wrap around my cock. As you start pumping your hand up and down, I lose myself for a moment and dig my fingers into your neck. You whine, and when I release, I notice the dark red crescents my nails left on your soft skin.

It's best if I make my hands busy, so I work on the button of your pants as you continue to play with me. I groan into your neck as you squeeze me hard. Pretty soon I'm going to have to pin your wrists to the wall. When you do it again I bite your neck hard enough to serve as a warning and you quickly soften your grip as your jeans inch down just enough. Good girl.

You shiver as the night air breathes down the alley. I can feel your pulse in your cunt as I touch you over your panties. You're so pathetic, you easy little whore. I haven't even bought you dinner and you're already about to let me fuck you stupid next to a dumpster behind my bar. But I won't. I'm gonna make you beg for it. I want you to be so achy and needy for my cock you'll let me do anything to you. I can't fuck you tonight, you haven't earned it.

I sigh and retract my hand. "You're drunk," I press my lips into the crook of your neck and practically feel you deflate against the wall. "Why don't I take you home?"

"Oh," your voice is so sweet and soft, "ok."

I pull away and brush a loose strand of hair from your face before planting a kiss on your lips. Relax, angel. I'm not done with you. You pull your hand out of my pants and the absence almost hurts.

"My car's just down the street, I'll tell Dee you got sick," I brush my thumb across your cheek and peck your forehead before snaking my arm around your waist and leading you down the alleyway. At the end, before we step onto the sidewalk, you stop.

"Did I do something?" Your eyes are so big.

"Consent is really important," I lie, "I just want you to feel safe with me," it'll be all the more enjoyable for me when you realize you're not. My answer seems to satisfy you.

When we get to my Range Rover, you raise an eyebrow, "Nice car."

"Thanks, Frank bought it for me when I got into Penn," it doesn't matter if it's true, now you think I know how to take care of something for a long time. I've established my ability to commit.

"Jesus, isn't that Ivy League?" And just like that, you see that I belong to an elite community of scholars.

"Yeah."

In the Range, you begin looking through my CD collection, pulling out albums you recognize, asking about ones you don't. You like old music, old cars, old men. You mention that your dad introduced you to Christopher Cross, so of course I slip it into the radio and skip to Sailing and tell you it's my favorite, which is true, but I happen to know it's yours, too.

I pretend to be lost and ask you where to go even though I've made the drive at least 20 times in the last week. When we get to your place, I park the car right outside of the familiar front doors and look up at your dark window.

"Are you sure you don't want to come in?" you spread your legs ever so slightly. So obvious.

"How about I cook you dinner tomorrow night," you'll act like a whore when I say, first I've got to teach you some manners.

"When?" you don't want to leave.

"I'll call you." Get out.

You step out onto the curb and wave.

"Goodnight," I say and you turn and head in. I don't leave until I know you're inside, safe. In fact, I don't really leave at all. I park the Range a block away and walk back. Your light is still off, but even in the darkness, I can see you up there. You really should close your curtains, especially when you're inside, naked and panting, humping your pillow like a bitch in heat.

[moe-broey]

HGNNGHNHH.....

I've gotten to a stage where I've redrawn all the panels I think needed an update, actually wasn't all that bad even when I had to erase and do over drawings completely LMFAO

But now I'm really conflicted..... I Do think I really want to ink it, since that will increase legibility and clarity in the illustrations, plus as I've worked on it inevitably some panels got faded/smudged a bit LMFAO so I'd have to correct/clean those anyway... plus I've spent This Much time/effort on it. I should make it the best it can be (without. Losing motivation midway LMFAO)

Conflict is, I think black and white would be the most accessible minimum effort option. But if I do that, I am locked into it -- since I really don't like using solid black in any piece I plan to color. I don't know how other artists manage to make it look nice ESP if they also have vibrant colors going on LMFAO, it just always looks so bad with my art 😅 Which is why dark blue ink is always my go-to, it looks nice with any color I use while not taking up too much space/not overcomplicating things (like choosing an ink color that matches the one you're gonna use -- CAN look really nice, I use this sooooo sparingly though bc it can give me a headache LMFAOOO)

Another option is to use blue ink but not color it. Which would have the same effect? I guess? Just blue. And I have done this before! I just wonder if black ink would look better, or even capture the mood/tone better....

BUT. One idea I'm really rotating in my head is using blue ink, and only coloring in select panels. LIKE???? I know with art you can do whatever you want forever but. Is that allowed???? Would that be an eyesore????? Would it look incomplete instead of looking like an intentional artistic decision??????? Another idea I think is pushing it way too far actually is combining blue ink and black ink. Like. There's moments of tension I think would be best captured in black and white... which I almost feel would lose some weight if it was blue and white??? Blue and white just looks odd anyway. Like. I have a few comics like that laying around and they do look odd. Or maybe that's just me..? LMFAO

BUT ALSO ALSO. I. DON'T WANNA GET TOO EXPERIMENTAL...... because what if I overcomplicate it in the process of trying to uncomplicate it..... OR WORSE. I just fuck it up entirely just the worst anyone has ever done it. I think I would give up all hope for like a solid month (<- physically incapable of giving up entirely)

Was gonna include SCARY OPTION but you know what. I'm employing Good Judgement I don't want Scary Optjon (mixing blue and black inks)

[haleigh-sloth]

I'm little disappointed that it seems like Touya has back pedaled instead of making a positive development, but I don't want to speak too soon either. But now that we are back to Touya & Shoto (possibly) maybe we will get the actually heart to heart that will lead to actual change and Shoto saving his brother's heart.

I'm not worried.

While I voiced distaste months ago for the idea of him going berserk and killing everyone (which he's on fire but he hasn't killed anyone there from what we've been told), the WAY it's happening is fine with me. And honestly after the Endeavor vs AFO chapters the followed Touya v. Shouto--this makes more sense in the grand scheme of things.

Touya tried to imitate Shouto's power. And Touya's inner thoughts are still being shielded from us quite a bit. His backstory was really the most insight into his character we've ever gotten. And there are still questions that need to be answered. Questions like, what was he thinking when this happened:

What did it mean? I mean, we know from context, but Touya has to acknowledge what it meant at some point. Now's not the time though.

And the main reason I'm not worried is exactly that panel. Because disregarding Touya's relatively safe position in the story, Shouto's is even more safe. And his moment with his brother is supposed to make a difference. Even if the difference isn't apparent yet, it will show eventually.

The thing about Touya is that Shouto seeing him isn't the end goal of what he wanted. It's pretty obvious that Touya showed a bit of appreciation toward the opportunity of getting to talk to someone from his family, and spill his past. AND let out all those ugly feelings toward his brother (and indirectly, he voiced them toward himself too). But the bottom line is that Enji--his dad--is the one he wants to be seen and acknowledged by.

He wants to be acknowledged as his father's son. He wants to feel like his father is actually that--his father:

That's always, always been what he's wanted.

So the effects of his moment with Shouto probably will not show or be acknowledged by Touya himself, until he gets what he needs from Endeavor.

It's that tunnel vision. It's SO painfully obvious during his fight with Shouto. He can't see past what he wants--his dad. The things he was spouting during their fight weren't focused on the abuse or neglect the family suffered through. Nope, not at all. All Touya could talk about was how lucky Shouto should have felt to be born the way he was, and how he should have capitalized on his circumstances more than he did. He just criticized his brother for basically not acting the way he--Touya--would have acted had he been able to do everything his dad wanted of him.

It really shows where Touya's strongest feelings lie. He wants his dad in his life--for better or for worse. Even if it means living their very last moments and then dying together.

And the thing to remember is that we as readers know more than Touya does. Keep that in mind--

This is the most important, and it's really the last piece of the puzzle needed to complete Touya's salvation.

So imo--it fully checks out that Touya is still "NO >:( where is my dad". Because the main thing he's been wanting hasn't been given to him yet.

Side note: I think I'm safe to assume that Touya called out for Skeptic's assistance because he wanted him to either warp him to Endeavor, or warp Endeavor to him. Based on the context--Skeptic mocking and calling him a daddy's boy, and then Skeptic explaining Endeavor's circumstances as if to explain why he couldn't completet Touya's request. That's just a guess based off the tiny bit of detail we got. We shall see. The rest of this post still stands though regardless.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 338: My Little Babies off to Destroy People

Previously on BnHA: Aoyama was all “hey everyone, I am so sorry but I am in fact the U.A. Traitor.” Deku was all, “yeah, in hindsight I probably should have figured it out from that ominous message you sent me a while back which was written entirely in cheese and which you somehow tried to pass off as completely normal.” Aoyama was all, “yeah, that definitely was not normal at all. I’m really surprised you just took me at my word about that, actually.” Class 1-A was all, “we’re here and we’re desperately trying to process literally anything about this entire conversation, but let us tell you, it’s a losing battle right now.” Deku was all, “but anyways Aoyama you can still be a hero and I will tell you exactly how... next week after this cliffhanger.”

Today on BnHA: Naomasa is all “kids, I’m loving the supportive vibes you’ve all got going on here, but just a friendly reminder that this kid has committed several gravely serious crimes.” Iida is all, “you know what Aoyama, that’s our bad for not realizing how much you were suffering on account of feeling guilty for horribly betraying us all.” Kirishima is all “AOYAMA I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU THOUGHT WE’D BE MAD AT YOU FOR NEARLY GETTING US ALL KILLED ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS.” Aizawa is all “Mic, hold me up properly so that everyone can see my handsome face. Everyone, I propose that we use Aoyama to set up a trap for AFO.” Everyone is all “FUCK YEAH, I FUCKING HATE AFO, FUCK THAT GUY!!” Horikoshi is all, “anyway so Deku needs a new costume upgrade again, and you know what that means.” Fandom is all, “( ⁍᷄⌢̻⁍᷅ ).” Horikoshi is all, “(•̀ᴗ•́).” Fandom is all, “(ᵕ̣̣̣̣̣̣_ᵕ̣̣̣̣̣̣).” Horikoshi is all, “lol. boobs.”

well that threw me for a brief loop with RHA (apparently?) being down. guess that’s what happens when you brazenly slap the site name on literally every single page of the scanlation every single week for months on end lol. anyway so the cycle of piracy continues

Aoyama is actually so pretty on this cover page though

since when did Horikoshi start adding soft little curls to the ends of his bangs. usually his hair looks like it was baked in a silicon mold and then glued directly onto his head lol

also gotta love how this chapter is apparently a Part One Of Something, with Horikoshi presumably knowing FULL WELL that the timing would coincide with the first of WSJ’s two annual year-end holiday breaks. this fucking guy I s2g

(ETA: I don’t know whether the non-cliffhanger we actually got is better or worse than what I was expecting lol.)

um, wtf

??? ??????

LMAO

“hey Deku, idk if you noticed but this motherfucker is TIED THE FUCK UP, so reaching out towards him all symbolically seems kind of weird and cryptic at best and openly taunting at worst. not gonna judge you or anything but I’m not really sure exactly what you were thinking there”

well you see Nao, what he was actually thinking was, “I can’t believe Horikoshi is drawing me doing this and has completely forgotten that Aoyama is tied up, and once he realizes it’s already going to be too late and it’s gonna keep him up at night for the better part of the following week.” and he will immediately have to devote several panels in the following chapter to his hasty lampshading job smdh

and meanwhile what the fuck did you gag him for lol. care to explain that part? I don’t know what the fuck has gotten into Naomasa these last few months of 2021, but this man’s fucks are GONE. VAMOOSED. and I am living for it you guys

oh shit lol. so Nao is all “hey Deku, maybe don’t jump right in and start making this kid promises right when we are about to take him to jail and charge him with 39 counts of attempted murder.” huh. this legit did not even occur to me. I just straight up accepted that Deku is making all the rules now and outranks this police captain or whatever he is lol

anyway Nao, quit being a narc, man. just be cool bro

“what’s more, what if he is rigged to blow up like Nagant after all??” -- BUT YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SAID -- I MEAN --

“anyway so it’s not wise to let him talk anymore” wow okay. maybe his fucks aren’t gone yet after all. I liked it better when they were ngl

(ETA: and meanwhile he doesn’t do shit to the parents lol. I fully believe Horikoshi just needed some sort of excuse to stop Aoyama from interrupting the dialogue with tearful apologies this week so the rest of them could talk business.)

wait what??

this can’t actually be true, can it? you’re telling me AFO was so fucking arrogant that he couldn’t conceive of a situation where his mole at U.A. might come across some vital info that they might urgently need to communicate to him regardless of whether he asked or not? or did he just not trust Yuuga and his parents enough to give them a means of contacting him? maybe he didn’t want to risk this exact kind of situation and potentially give the heroes a way to track him down

“yes, it’s actually that second thing you just said” well okay then lol

anyway so now it’s looking like Deku is just gonna blurt out his secret plan right here and now regardless of what Nao says lol. BUT LOOK AT THIS THOUGH OMG??

KAMINARI “DON’T FORGET, I ACTUALLY PASSED THE SUPER-DIFFICULT ENTRANCE EXAM TO GET INTO JAPAN’S MOST ELITE HERO SCHOOL TOO YOU GUYS” DENKI OUT HERE BEING ALL SMART AND FIGURING OUT WHAT DEKU IS UP TO YOU LOVE TO SEE IT!! SOMEONE SEND A TESTIMONIAL TO AIZAWA SO DENKI CAN GET EXTRA CREDIT ON HIS NEXT ASSIGNMENT

(ETA: AIZAWA WAS THERE ALL ALONG!! AND NOT ONLY DID HE NOT GIVE HIM CREDIT, BUT HE FUCKING STOLE HIS IDEA LMAO.)

OMG HE EVEN FIGURED IT OUT BEFORE MOMO???

“that’s right bitches. while you were out fighting crime and developing flashy new supermoves this past month, I was sprawled out on the couch binging spy thriller dramas on my phone.” fuck yeah boy that’s how you do it!!

dfskjalgk

“um okay but just as a reminder HE TRIED TO KILL YOU GUYS.” yes, but look at him though! he’s all crying and stuff!! HAVE A HEART MIC. ALSO, WHERE THE HELL HAS YOUR BOYFRIEND GOTTEN TO?? YOU COULD AT LEAST PUT THE GUY ON SPEAKERPHONE, CHRIST

(ETA: I withdraw my objection lol.)

ffdjlskfjkl

like just to be clear, I’m in full agreement with what Iida just said. but at the same time, the way he just casually dismisses an entire year of espionage that led to two full-blown assaults on their class as “bygones” is sending me all the way down the fucking block lol

-- okay Iida but this is pushing it even for shounen lmao

“if you think about it from a certain point of view, the fact that Aoyama’s parents bought a quirk from AFO, and AFO subsequently blackmailed them into doing his bidding, and Aoyama spent the past year spying on us and nearly got us all killed on two separate occasions, is kind of our own fault actually” IIDA WHAT

oh my god he’s so brave and determined and loyal and responsible and I love him so much but I’m still not even 10% over that absurd leap of logic in the previous panel dsflkjl

this fucking kid. and your hair suddenly got all pretty too! did you all suddenly change up your conditioner game or what

okay I know I’m always joking about Iida being forty years old, but also, WHEN THE HELL DID IIDA TENYA BECOME A FULL GROWN MAN YOU GUYS

WHEN DID EVERY SINGLE MEMBER OF CLASS 1-A BECOME A FULL FUCKING GROWNASS ADULT EXUDING ALL THIS CALM FUCKING AUTHORITY YOU GUYS. THEY GROW UP SO FAST. OMG

AND MEANWHILE, THERE’S THE ANGRY KATSUKI TIRADE I WAS WAITING FOR LAST WEEK LOL. DELAYED REACTION THERE OR WHAT

you little shithead, you already gave up the game last week when you were standing there all calm and remorseful and reflecting on how society treats quirkless people. but now that everyone else is puffing up their chests and giving big shounen forgiveness speeches, you’re suddenly all “holy shit it’s been almost five minutes since I last spouted some random tough guy bullshit, I better get on that quick before they all start thinking I’ve mellowed out.” god forbid, lol

so now Kirishima’s shouting at Aoyama that he has a chance to break free of AFO now

I mean as far as I can tell nothing has actually changed at all with regard to the amount of danger Aoyama is still in. like if anything this is just gonna make things 50x more dangerous. still, it’s a nice sentiment

oof

“do you really think any one of us would blame someone for being quirkless” while Katsuki is standing right there. “do you really think we’d blame someone for suppressing their angst and keeping it a secret from all of us until they can’t take it anymore and run away from home to be an emo vigilante” while Deku is standing right fucking there. jesus christ Kirishima who are you going to come for next, guy??

at what point does it actually become cruel to keep shouting all this stuff at him while he’s still sitting there all tied up and gagged lol

oh Yuuga. I want to give you a hug so bad

so now Nao is once again all “that’s really great that you guys are all so forgiving but I still have to take them to jail for the attempted murder” sigh

OH MY GOD MIC, GET THERE FASTER

the plan is to take advantage of the fact that AFO wanted Aoyama to lure Deku away somewhere on his own, and use that to set a trap for AFO and/or whoever else shows up to capture him. do we really have to spell it out for you?? Kaminari figured it out in like two seconds. Bakugou figured it out LAST WEEK. if you call up Aizawa right now, which you really ought to do btw, he will also figure it out within 30 seconds of picking up the phone. why don’t you go ahead and do that. have him explain it to you

oh

WELL OKAY THEN LOL

FDSLFKJL I SCROLLED BACK UP TO REREAD THE TWO PREVIOUS PANELS AND IT WAS ACTUALLY SPEAKER-PHONE AIZAWA ASKING DEKU IF HE HAD A PLAN LOL I’M SO OBSERVANT. IN MY DEFENSE, AT LEAST I’VE NEVER TRIED TO DRAW AN INSPIRING PAGE WITH SOMEONE REACHING OUT TO SOMEONE ELSE WHILE FORGETTING THE OTHER PERSON WAS TIED TO A CHAIR

LOL

SOMEWHERE ON THE U.A. CAMPUS, THE ENTIRETY OF CLASS 2-A SUDDENLY SITS UP STRAIGHT, UNABLE TO SHAKE THE VAGUE BUT PERSISTENT FEELING THAT SOME ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT IS GOING DOWN RIGHT NOW

ACTUALLY YOU KNOW WHAT WE’RE GONNA PRESS PAUSE HERE FOR A SEC BECAUSE THIS DESERVES FURTHER EXAMINATION

THINGS CLASS 1-A IS ALLOWED TO GET AWAY WITH WITHOUT BEING EXPELLED FOR

COMING IN LAST PLACE IN AIZAWA’S BS ~LOGICAL RUSE~ DAY ONE QUIRK APPREHENSION TEST

CALLING YOUR FELLOW COMPETITORS “STEPPING STONES” AND PROCLAIMING YOU’RE GOING TO BE NUMBER ONE IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE COUNTRY WHEN YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE RECITING THE U.A. ATHLETE’S OATH

HUNTING DOWN A SERIAL KILLER WITH THE INTENT OF REVENGE-MURDERING HIM AND NEEDING TO BE REELED IN BY YOUR FELLOW CLASSMATES AND ALL THREE OF YOU ALMOST GETTING YOURSELVES KILLED WHEN YOU DIDN’T EVEN HAVE PROVISIONAL LICENSES

HUNTING DOWN MORE SERIAL KILLERS WITH THE INTENT OF SAVING YOUR KIDNAPPED CLASSMATE EVEN THOUGH YOU KNEW THE TOP HEROES IN THE COUNTRY WERE ALREADY MOUNTING A RESCUE OP

KEEPING QUIET WHILE YOUR FELLOW CLASSMATES HUNTED DOWN ALL THESE SERIAL KILLERS

SNEAKING OUT OF THE DORMS IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT TO HAVE A WILD THROWDOWN WITH YOUR EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED CLASSMATE AND DESTROYING A PERFECTLY GOOD TRAINING GROUND IN THE PROCESS

BEING MINETA. JUST IN GENERAL

BATTLING TWO VILLAINS ALL ON YOUR OWN AND THEN STRAIGHT UP LYING TO THE TEACHERS ABOUT IT JUST BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T WANT YOUR SCHOOL CONCERT TO BE CANCELLED

STRAIGHT UP QUITTING SCHOOL ALTOGETHER TO EMBARK ON A 20-CHAPTER RAMPAGE CONSISTING OF, YOU GUESSED IT, HUNTING DOWN YET MORE SERIAL KILLERS

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, BETRAYING YOUR CLASSMATES TO THE VILLAINS ON NOT ONE BUT TWO OCCASIONS WHICH RESULTED IN (1) THEIR NEAR-DEATHS, (2) THE FALL OF ALL MIGHT, AND (3) THE SUBSEQUENT DEATH-BY-A-THOUSAND-CUTS OF SOCIETY AS WE KNOW IT

QUITE AN IMPRESSIVE LIST. AND BEFORE YOU POINT IT OUT, I’M AWARE THAT AIZAWA TECHNICALLY WASN’T AWARE OF A COUPLE OF THESE INCIDENTS, BUT I ALSO FEEL LIKE IT REALLY WASN’T TOO HARD TO PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER BASED ON WHAT HE DID KNOW. ANYWAYS, BUT MEANWHILE,

THINGS CLASS 2-A IS NOT ALLOWED TO GET AWAY WITH WITHOUT BEING EXPELLED FOR

EXISTING

“WE SEE HOW IT IS” OH MY GOD. SOMEONE GET SOME JUSTICE FOR THESE POOR FUCKING KIDS. “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT,” AIZAWA SAYS WHILE TAKING NONCHALANT SIPS FROM A CLASS 1-A LIMITED EDITION COFFEE MUG. “I’VE NEVER PLAYED FAVORITES IN MY LIFE” HE INSISTS AS HE PETS HIS CAT SUSHI WHO IS WEARING A LIL SWEATER THAT READS “CLASS 1-A SUPREMACY”

lol but anyways, so now Aizawa is telling everyone that he’s devised a cunning plan. and everyone’s standing there looking all serious and stuff

oh my god you did not just

did this man seriously just steal Kaminari’s suggestion and act like he came up with it all on his own lmao. “sure, when I say we should use Aoyama as a triple agent in order to lure AFO into a trap, everyone just fucking ignores me. but when Aizawa-sensei says it, everyone acts all stunned and the principal is all ‘that’s the best fucking idea I’ve ever heard.’” why does it feel like we are bearing witness to Kaminari Denki’s villain origin story here

meanwhile Horikoshi pats himself on the back for so deftly leaving us all in “suspense” here wondering what the heroes are planning. “sometimes I amaze even myself” lol okay buddy

DKLSFKJSLGK

so just like that we’re back on the honor system, huh. “I mean it you guys. pinky swear, 1000 needles, etc.” man y’all are damned lucky it doesn’t look like that Hagakure backup traitor thing is gonna pan out lol

anyway so now we’re cutting back to the dorm and everyone is just kind of hanging out morosely in the common room while Kacchan takes out the recycling because he’s a grownass responsible adult now too, but like hell is he ever gonna own up to it

-- NO!!

INTERVENTION!! SIT THESE MOTHERFUCKERS BACK DOWN!! WHY DO Y’ALL WANNA FUCK WITH THIS BEAUTIFUL THING WE HAD GOING ON GODDAMMIT. WHY CAN’T DEKU JUST FIGHT AFO IN HIS FUCKING SWEATPANTS HUH. WHO SAYS NO

OH MY GOD THEY ALL JUST SUDDENLY GOT FUCKING FIERCE IN UNISON ON CUE

IS THAT WHY AIZAWA DIDN’T WANT TO EXPEL THEM?? HE WAS TOO SCARED?? YOU LET THEM BECOME TOO POWERFUL SHOUTA OMG

TODOROKI FULLY BACK IN “FIGHTING WITHOUT THE SOLES OF YOUR FEET WILL BE DIFFICULT” MURDER MODE!

KATSUKI ACTUALLY ALWAYS LOOKS LIKE THAT LOL

WOULD YOU FUCK WITH OCHAKO?? I SURE WOULDN’T. IF YOU SAY YOU WOULD YOU’RE A LIAR

OJIRO IS TRYING SO HARD GOD BLESS HIM

DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT MINA COULD BE TERRIFYING?? DID YOU KNOW SHE COULD FULLY CHANNEL ALL MIGHT’S VILLAIN-PUMMELING “FUCK YOU AFO” VIBES AND TAKE FULL ADVANTAGE OF HER OWN BLACK SCLERA LIKE THAT?? THIS IS A REVELATION TO ME

TOKOYAMI HAS THE SAME PROBLEM KACCHAN HAS, WHERE WE’RE ALREADY DESENSITIZED TO HIS EXPRESSION BECAUSE HE ALWAYS LOOKS LIKE THAT. CONGRATULATIONS SONS, YOU PLAYED YOURSELVES

IF JIROU EVER LOOKED AT ME LIKE THAT I WOULD FUCKING SCREAM AND RUN AWAY

FOR ALL HIS TALK ABOUT PEOPLE FINDING HIM SCARY, SHOUJI HAS NEVER REALLY ACTUALLY BEEN THAT SCARY THOUGH. UNTIL NOW

SATOU WITH THE FUCKING VEIN THROBBING IN HIS FOREHEAD HOLY SHIT

HOLY CRAP MOMO. WHY ARE THE GIRLS ALL SO GODDAMN TERRIFYING

IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE’VE SEEN DARK IIDA LOL. ALWAYS A CROWD PLEASER

SERO IS 1000% EMULATING KACCHAN HERE. THAT IS ABSOLUTELY A KACCHAN FACE. I MEAN, BUT IT FUCKING WORKS THOUGH

TSUYU JUST LOOKS LIKE SHE’S POUTING AND IT’S COMPLETELY RUINING THE OVERALL EFFECT BUT IT’S OKAY TSUYU

KAMINARI IS MAKING A KACCHAN FACE TOO?? AND WHILE WE’RE AT IT, SO IS KIRISHIMA. DO YOU GUYS FUCKING PRACTICE THIS SHIT

THIS WHOLE ENTIRE VIBE JUST ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT WORK FOR MINETA AT ALL, BUT I RESPECT HORIKOSHI FOR TRYING

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, KOUDA WENT FROM SWEET DISNEY PRINCESS TO PETRIFYING DISNEY VILLAIN IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE. WHAT A TRANSFORMATION. STUNNING

meanwhile poor Hagakure got left out and had to settle for being in the previous panel by herself lol. and obviously Aoyama can’t be here, so that just leaves us with good ol’ Deku. show us your murder face, Deku

OOOOH

THAT’S A GOOD MURDER FACE. OMG. BOY KILLED IT

HORIKOSHI NOOOOO

“COMIC RELIEF CLIFFHANGER??” NO MY GOOD MAN RESIST THE URGE!! STOP GIVING ME THOSE PUPPY DOG EYES YOU LOUT

OH MY FUCKING!!

“COMIC RELIEF CLIFFHANGER!!” NO, GODDAMMIT. DELETE THIS, NEPHEW

LOLLLL

FULL GROWN MAN IIDA HAS ABSCONDED!! “MOMMY COME GET ME, I’M SCARED” IIDA HAS ENTERED THE CHAT!!

AND MEANWHILE DEKU IS ALL “FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON ME. FOOL ME TWICE, YOU CAN’T FOOL ME BECAUSE I WAS BRACED THIS TIME, MOTHERFUCKER.” CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT, I ACTUALLY LAUGHED. BUT MOSTLY JUST BECAUSE THE ABSURDITY OF HOW QUICKLY THIS SERIES CAN TURN ON A DIME JUST GOT TO ME ALL OF A SUDDEN, AND THE EMOTIONAL WHIPLASH FROM “WE’RE READY TO BATTLE THE FINAL VILLAIN TO THE DEATH AFTER LEARNING HOW HE USED OUR OWN CLASSMATE AGAINST US” TO “LOL BOOBIES” WAS SO SUDDEN AND UNEXPECTED THAT I DIDN’T REALLY KNOW HOW ELSE TO REACT

AND ALSO BECAUSE I PICTURED HORIKOSHI STOPPING EVERY FIVE MINUTES TO GIGGLE WHILE DRAWING THIS PAGE, AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS SERIES AND HOW MUCH MENTAL ENERGY I DEVOTE TO IT AND HOW MUCH SPACE I HAVE CARVED OUT FOR IT IN MY OWN MENTAL LANDSCAPE, AND THEN IT GOES AND DOES STUFF LIKE THIS, AND I HAVE TO RECKON WITH THE FACT THAT THIS SERIES WHICH I OFTEN REGARD AS ONE OF THE GREATEST SHOUNEN MANGA OF ALL TIME, IS ALSO SOMETIMES JUST INCREDIBLY FUCKING STUPID, TO THE POINT WHERE I HAVE TO WONDER IF IT REALLY IS ALL THAT IT’S CRACKED UP TO BE IN MY HEAD, OR IF I ACTUALLY JUST HAVE STOCKHOLM SYNDROME LOL

anyways so there we are. one more chapter to go in 2021 (for us rogues who don’t wait for the official releases and should thus get the next chapter two weeks from now on the 31st), and then it’s on to the new year, possibly the last year that this series will ever run. what a crazy fucking ride it’s been lol

[renaerys]

Don’t take this the wrong way cause I’m just curious and this is my first time on your tumblr account lol (I’ve been following your blossick fics). I’m familiar with Naruto since I was young and I was wondering about how you got into the sasori and Sakura ship cause for me it’s very random. What made you ship them instead of the canon ship? You’ve probably answered this before so sorry if I’m asking!

Not at all! That's a really good question. I'll put it under a Read More because 2014 fandom ptsd re the end of Naruto taught me too well.

The tl;dr for why I don't like the canon SS ship is that I thought they had nothing positive in their foundation, which was only made so much worse in the final chapters. There were plenty of opportunities for Kishimoto to show us that they had chemistry and actually cared about each other in a meaningful, non-superficial way over the course of the manga, but bizarrely he did the complete opposite in a way that felt not just careless, but downright malicious at times, especially in the final war chapters. It was honestly offensive to read, even as an anti-shipper, and I found myself feeling really bad for the people who like that ship in the end. What a shit way for their OTP to become canon.

I'm not going to get into the dirty details here because that ship fandom is fucking demented about anti sentiment, even when it's delivered in a respectful way. Frankly, I don't have the time or patience anymore to debate online about a fictional couple in a manga that ended years ago. If people like the ship, cool! I hope they have fun shipping it and making good content for it. I happen not to like it, and I'm extremely comfortable in that camp and always will be.

As for SasoSaku, go re-read the manga where they fight! It's the hottest villain/hero encounter I have EVER read. There are some very compelling takeaways from that fight:

They have diametrically opposed world views, and yet they both demonstrate a willingness (and even a desperation) to understand something about the other's point of view. And they actually accomplish that, to different degrees, in the end. Sasori lets the last attack hit him because Sakura got through to him and made him acknowledge that he had failed, that he had made a mistake, and that he was never truly alone. I think he realized in that last moment that the "life" he was living was no life at all, and that he maybe could have made different choices if Chiyo had done a better job being there for him and if he had let her. It is so staggeringly beautiful that I literally cry. When she yells at him "why is that the only way you can see the world?" and is so angry and so emotional because it feels so personal to her now, I just completely fall apart. If only he could have seen and done things differently, what kind of life could he have led? I think she mourns this in a way, and I think not a single person has ever shown him that type of empathy before now (that he was willing to listen to) and it totally destroyed him.

Sasori is the second person aside from Tsunade to have ever acknowledged Sakura's real power and capabilities--and he is a villain trying to kill her! And he's a rude, entitled, unspeakably selfish person who would rather get stabbed than not get the last word. If that's not a show of the humanity he still has even if he doesn't want to admit it, idk what is. And then he rewards her for killing him? For a dude who keeps berating her about doing pointless things their whole fight, he sure does feel okay doing something completely pointless for her in the end (not for Chiyo, btw, but for Sakura). He took her seriously in this fight, and we saw her feeling so thrilled about showing off her strength and her abilities and how she'd beaten his poison. Sakura was living in this fight, it's all over her face in the panels, and Sasori was living right alongside her as she visibly impressed him each time he thought he'd gotten her and she got right back up and kept going. They were held up as equals in this fight, not necessarily based on shinobi skill alone, but as people with goals and feelings and a violent desire to be seen in the eyes of another they consider truly worthy. I mean, how is this not art and also super fucking hot?

SasoSaku is the first real ship I ever shipped. It was my shipping awakening. I will never forget when that fight first happened in the manga, waiting each week to see what would happen next, and realizing holy shit, this is what the foundation of a real enemies to lovers romance is supposed to be? Go re-read the manga chapters and pay attention to those points I made. I hope it completely blows you away like it did to me!

[adventuringblind]

We All Have Demons

Destiny 2: the Crow x GN Guardian

Synopsis: The usually stoic Guardian has demons of their own. Fighting them seems to be a bigger issue then anyone realizes.

TRIGGER WARNING: depicted self-harm, anxiety, depression, blood and lots of tears, fluffy ending though.

Authors note: I do not believe in glorifying self-harm, that is not what this is intended to do. I've struggled with mental illness for awhile and currently I'm in need of love from a comfort character. If you find these topics disturbing please don't read them. However, if you're like me and ignore trigger warnings then I hope this brings some kind of comfort to you reading as it brought me comfort writing it.

Also, this is my first published peice of work. My writing style is odd so warning for that and my grammar sucks.

Guardians POV

Everyone says that the wicked never rests. I guess the same could be said for Guardians. At some point though, everyone needs a break right?

Turns out that break was never coming for me. Everything seems like it's not enough anymore. Am I even making progress in my tasks? Everything has become blurred together. Meaningless.

Except for Him.

Crow.

Even though I technically found him, I feel like he also found me.

I wish he'd find me currently seeing as I have no energy to make it back to him at the tower. Would he even want to come find me?

At this point I had no energy to keep the intrusive thoughts at bay.

Do I actually make him happy still? Or is he playing pretend because he remembers everything but feels bad? Am I worth it for him to come find?

Probably not, which is why I should make an attempt to get back to the Tower.

I grunt and heave myself off the cold floor of the ship and walk to the control panel. I could've set it to autopilot before the floor became necessary but I thought it could wait.

Ghost materializes next to me. He gives a concerned sigh.

"I can tell the thoughts are back."

"Yes but I'll be fine. I just want to get home."

"I got a message from Glint awhile ago saying Crow is moping around like a sad puppy waiting for you."

"I'm sure he's fine without me. Besides I hate bothering him, I know he's stressed more nowadays."

"You get stressed too, everyone does. maybe you should talk to him?"

Ghosts gentle suggestion makes me pause and think. If I tell Crow what's been going on maybe it'll make things better. Or, it could also ruin everything. I'm supposed to strong in every situation and find solutions to every problem, not become one myself.

I already am a problem.

A burden to everyone.

Never enough.

"I'm going to go chill alone for a minute, my head is killing me. Can you watch the autopilot?"

"Sure thing and please don't do anything rash."

Ghost know me far to well. The demons I've been fighting for so long have gotten hold of me many times. Ghost has had to revive me from dying to them a few times. If I'm being honest with myself, I deserve it.

Out of view from Ghost, I curl myself into a corner and strip away a few layers of armor. Self inflicted scars now visible. Ghost can only heal so much and I wanted to keep these scars around as a reminder. Although Ghost protested for awhile until he realized that I would just put it back.

A faint voice in the back of my mind was telling me not to do it.

What about Crow?

He wouldn't think I deserve it.

The demons say I don't know that for sure. When am I going to get another chance at the relief this provides.

I'm aware of healthier coping skills but none of them make the voices shut up like this. A few moments of reprieve is all I'm asking and if shedding my blood gets me that, so be it.

I take out a knife that I only use for this specific activity. I have to make sure it's the only weapon in my possession that is tainted with the sins I've committed against myself.

I'm angry at myself for giving in to the demons. I need them to shut up. Crow would understand that right,

Before I can change my mind the tip of the knife is pressed into my skin. The controlled sting is so distracting. Why is such a cruel thing so addictive?

I voices chant to keep going and get softer as I do. Finally a hero to myself. Fianlly doing something productive for myself.

I wonder how long I've been at this? My crimson stained body and knife tell a little while at least but we should be at least close by now.

I wipe off the knife, slip my armor back on and walk back to the main console like nothing happened. My head finally somewhat quite for now.

"Is your head better?" Ghost knows already, he always does. All I can do is nod in response.

"How long have we been docked in the hangar?"

"Just a few minutes."

"Crow sent a message saying he wanted to surprise you and meet you here when you docked."

The panic started small in my stomach. Did Ghost finally tell him? He threatened to awhile ago if I didn't stop. I've never seen him gentler then when the demons become too much. Maybe he finally followed through with it?

Crow has been stressed with everything happening around his nightmare, Uldren Sov. I can't bear the thought of making things harder because I can't stomach it either.

We all fight demons, some are just more difficult then others, right?

The bay door to the ship opens before I can sink any further.

"Guardian are you here?" Crows voice rings out in a relatively normal tone. Maybe Ghost hadn't said anything after all.

I spin on my heels to face Crow who was walking swiftly in my direction.

"No I've died and now me and ghost haunt this ship."

"Glad to see you came back with your sarcasm still intact." Crow rolls his eyes playfully at me. The anxious feeling in my stomach makes me regret my actions earlier. Breathing starts to become difficult and the voices begin their chanting once again.

I remove my helmet to try and get more oxygen. I give Crow my best attempt at an exhausted smile.

Crow looks concerned now. I blink and he's infront of me gripping biceps. Maybe it was longer then a blink? Maybe I cut deeper then I thought?

Ah, the familiar feeling of impending death. A feeling I know all to well.

Everything looks bright and Crow's voices sounds like it's underwater.

Before I go under, I can briefly catch Crow looking to Ghost for awnswers. Then it all goes dark.

~~~

The feeling of being brought back is just as familiar as dying. This time is different though because I'm brought back to Crow pacing like a mad man.

I shift around trying to get comfy before I get bombarded with emotions. Emotions that I don't know to expect. Ge could he angry and hurt. He could never want to see me again. Whatever it is I'm prepared for it.

The noise draws his attention to me. Crow turns towards me slowly, as if his movements might cause me to break. Gentle steps and hand movements; similar to dealing with a scared animal. He gentle removes my helmet and places it on the ground before cupping my cheek with his hand.

It's only then that I notice the tear streaks lining his face. He breathes heavily, as if the words in his throat are strangling him.

"I'm so sorry."

It's almost a whisper. Unheard to anyone not paying attention.

Of all the things I was prepared for, this was not one of them.

"I should've been paying closer attention; I shouldn't have missed something like this." His whispers are laced with frustration and anger towards himself.

"I'm sorry too." The words are followed by the sound of choking on tears that I'd been holding onto.

"I only wish you would've come to me, and if you felt you couldn't then maybe to someone else." He could of been angry, infuriated ever, but instead he looked helpless. As if he didn't know how to handle the situation before him. Sure he's been through this with himself several times. I've seen him litteraly fight off his demons.

The words come out with choked sobs. Everything I've neglected to tell him. Word vomit laced with tears and snot that probably isn't even understandable.

His eyes found my soul and brought me out of the deep pit I've been in for who knows how long.

Even if the road ahead was long, this time there was a light within reach.

~~~

Somtimes I fall back into that pit. I fall back into the old habits that hurt more then just me now.

But everytime I start to fall back in, He is right back there to help me find the small glimpses of light.

Having to fight your demons alone is impossible for anyone. I'm glad that now, we can fight our demons together.