#i feel like it is important context to add that all of my other siblings are adopted & one had only been adopted

[homehauntsyou]

37 (optional) & 38!

37. share a secret

omgg idk how good of a secret this is but for several months when i was eleven every time i saw the clock was 11:11 or when we prayed at night i wished for another sibling because i thought that would fix my family 😭😭 needless to say that did not happen. the sibling or my family being fixed <3

38. favorite song at the moment

“vbs” by lucy dacus! I’ve been listening to this album (“home video”) on repeat recently and this is my favorite from it :)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for wanting a material thing rather than an experience for my college graduation gift, and being upset I still don't have it?

I skimmed through some other AITA posts to prepare me to write this one properly, and saw someone use the term "validation bait." I bring that up because I fear this post may read like that once all is said and done, but I genuinely am worried my perspective might be skewed. I encourage you to enter "Reddit Mode" if you decide to reply after your judgement with additional context and feel the need to be blunt.

Background context: I have an older sibling who graduated before me during the beginning of COVID. While his gift was delayed as a result, we as a family (three children one father) ended up going to Disney World, NASA, and Universal Orlando in 2021 to celebrate his accomplishment. It was a great trip, aside from the horrific humidity and the hurricane that just barely missed us. Later on, I asked my sibling if that was what he actually wanted to do, and he said our father proposed some ideas because he didn't really have any and Florida sounded like a good idea to him. My asking this will make sense later, but putting it here seems the most logical.

Additionally, it may be important to know that my father goes on a lot of trips. At least, more than anyone I've personally known. I'm not gonna try to calculate the exact number, but I will say in the span of less than a year (after the family Florida trip), he went to both Canada and Mexico for a week each, on top of additional excursions to Florida and Vegas-- almost all also including bringing his girlfriend. At the same time, he claimed assistance with college tuition was out of his budget, started having me pay rent on a part time job, and told my younger sibling fixing the AC in their car would cost too much as well. Even I know something doesn't add up here, but maybe I'm taking it too personally. End background context.

Fast forward to spring of 2023, and it's my turn to graduate college. Here's the thing: my brother was asked at least a year in advance to his graduation what he would like to do. I wasn't asked; I had to bring it up myself, and I waited until my graduation was only two months out. It was also over a phone call, because my father was out of town for at least the fifth time that year already. I dropped the hint that, for my graduation present, I would really like to get a nice gaming desktop. My father's response was, "... We'll see." Later on, he elaborated through text stating, "I took everybody to florida because i think graduations should be more about memories than what material thing you can get out of your dad."

Here's the thing: it's no secret to my dad that I'm a gamer, and I like video games. Additionally, it's no secret that a gaming desktop is something I have wanted for a decade. Even since middle school I've talked about gaming desktops and how much I wanted one. Even so, I happily played games like Saints Row III on a laptop that chugged along at 12 frames per second and took every crash in stride. I also thought that this kind of gift would be a relief to my dad, as my thought process was it would be far less expensive than taking an entire family somewhere out of the state for a week. Not only that, but there wasn't really anywhere I wanted to go. I don't have the desire to travel like he does; I don't mind taking my time off at home or locally, and relaxing with the things I have rather than spending a ton on a fancy dinner or hotel or concert.

So, naturally, I was confused, dismayed, and heartbroken. While I started crafting a text response explaining why a gaming desktop would not just be for personal use, but would also be advantageous for my career (my degree was in animation and I learned surface level coding for making video games), I also wondered why it was wrong for me to want a "material thing" even if it wasn't something necessarily "useful." Because while, yes, a gaming desktop would have the power I needed for more intensive animation projects, that wasn't really why I wanted one. But I figured explaining as such would help convince my dad why it was a good idea.

My dad ended up calling me before I could finish crafting my text, so I did my best to explain my standpoint, as well as pointing out how the specs for a gaming desktop are pretty much parallel with the specs for a desktop for things like 3D rendering and animation. He stood his ground on "making memories" as well, and also hinted that I was acting entitled for asking about my graduation present. I think I pointed out to him how he asked my older brother far in advance what he wanted for his graduation, but those details of the conversation are a little faded with time. I did end up sending my text after that phone call anyway, as I felt it better explained what I was thinking and feeling than I could say in verbal conversation (I've always gotten a little flustered talking to my dad about things I want that he doesn't approve of).

Fortunately, after reading my text, my father seemed to come around, and invited me to put together a list of parts for my computer, since I wanted to build it. I got really excited and got the help of my computer-savvy friend to put together something I thought was reasonable-- it had a really good graphics card and processor, and I made compromises on some of the other parts to lower the cost. I haven't looked at the list in a while, but the total cost-- tower, two mid-range monitors, basic keyboard and mouse-- was something like 2.5k approaching 3k. Mid range (at least, it is these days) I think, but it would be enough for the things I wanted to do.

I put the list together, and emailed it to my dad. The assumption I had, was he would purchase the parts, and then we would build it together (or I would build it alone). However, later on I went to ask him if he had gotten my email, and while he said yes, he also said, "I'm not paying for the whole thing. I can't afford it, and it's not fair to spend more on you as an individual than what I spent on your brother as an individual for the Florida trip."

I find the latter point somewhat fair considering I'm the only person who benefits from this gift, but the first point, given the background context on my father's habits, I'm not sure how much I believe. But arguing with him would have been pointless. I definitely would have liked to have had that information beforehand, but it ultimately didn't change much.

This is getting long, so I'll try to summarize the rest. This was just the first instance of my father changing the goal posts for my graduation gift. First, he tried to convince me that getting a prebuilt tower would be just as good. I did the research, and a tower with the graphics card I wanted would have cost as much as building my own tower and buying a monitor, keyboard, and mouse, and still not have been as good in other specs anyways. Then, he tried to tell me he was only going to give me $1000 towards the computer. I pointed out paying for my older sibling for the Florida trip would have cost at least $1500-- if I hadn't done the research, I wouldn't have known any better and just blindly agreed. Then, two days after my graduation, he stated that he wasn't going to give me the money for the computer until I had secured a full time job.

At that point, I just gave up, and agreed.

Fast forward to now. I'm still working the part time job, I barely make enough to put a couple dollars into savings, no one is hiring me full time, and my dad hinted that, instead of doing presents for Christmas this year, we all agree to go on vacation somewhere. Not only that, but his family in Canada just told him they're going to Mexico in November. Not only is my dad implying we should go too and I should pay a portion of my own way, I have a further feeling he may say that this will be our Christmas as well. I still don't have the computer, even though my dad has noticed how much I'm struggling.

If I had the computer, I wouldn't have minded the vacation-- but I feel like my wants and feelings have been completely pushed aside in favor of what my dad thinks is good and/or right, and the wind has been taken out of my sails regarding my graduation entirely. On the other hand, maybe he's right that I focus too much on a material thing and should redirect my attention to an experience and go somewhere to relax/get away from daily life.

Am I a materialistic asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[yuri-is-online]

What are your ideas on Yutu’s Unique Magic?

Maybe Riddle!Yutu having a countering UM to his father, or Cater!Yutu having one that allows him to see the true in people, etc, etc…

Also, what if Yutu has a sister/brother back in his OG timeline? Did he bring them with or they just got left behind?

for context, check these posts (1) (2) or look at the Fyuuture kid section under series on my masterlist.

oof I have a lot. Unique magic strikes me as something that is supposed to be reflective of who the mage is as a person as well as the Disney character/concept the boy is based on.  Since Yutu is not based on anyone really, we are more free with inspiration for his unique magic, with two exceptions. Idia and Kalim both have lines suggesting that their unique magics are passed down in their family's, though I imagine the incantation is different to each person; it makes sense for their Yutu's to have Gate to the Underworld and Oasis Maker respectively.

Before I really get into the weeds, I do like the idea of Yutu having (a) sibling(s) in the OG timeline, again because that can happen in Fire Emblem Awakening but also because it adds to the angst somewhat. As for whether or not he would bring them back in time, the answer to that is yes. Yutu has a few friends he traveled back in time with that are scattered around Twisted Wonderland with no way to contact each other, and if he had a sibling (with the exception of Malleus! Yutu whose sister is a bit... special) then they would be among that group. If you want some extra angst we can steal even more from FE: Awakening and make it so Yutu's sibling died before he arrived, maybe they turned into a blot monster that follows Grim's overblotted form as a replacement for his hench human.

We could even make it so Yutu's sibling doesn't have any magic, just like Yuu. You know. For the parallels ψ(｀∇´)ψ

Riddle! Yutu

Riddle! Yutu having a magic that counters his dad is such a good concept, especially for someone who initially hates him. There are two types of magic that we have seen counter Off With Your Head: Trey's Doodle Suit and a strong shielding spell used by Leona.  I can think of a few directions to take this line of thinking, so let's start with the most grounded.

A strong shielding spell, one that can be applied to multiple people, sounds like a spell that thematically fits Yutu.  We don't know a lot about how these spells function, but they're important for combat magic and shielding multiple people seems to be implied to be difficult.  Let's say in this case it's natural for Yutu and essentially the same for him as shielding himself.  This sort of spell feels like it should have a card themed name, Big Blind maybe?  It's a term that refers to the minimum bet required to continue a poker game if I understand what I read correctly. The only card game I know how to play is yugioh

The less grounded approach could be a sort of spell that creates an anti magic field… it's a concept I did toy around with mostly because I was thinking about more Alice in Wonderland themed names for a unique magic, and thought up “Everything is Nonsense” or something along those lines.  My one sort of caveat to this concept is that I think a spell like this would be heavily stigmatized, probably cause a lot of blot build up for a caster, and I'm uncertain of how it would work mechanically. Well that and I have an idea for a different Yutu who this spell would fit a bit better... but that would require me to cook with a different type of fire.

I did mention in my post about Riddle! Yutu that I liked the idea of his unique magic allowing him to shrink or grow because of Rule 42 in Alice Adventure's in Wonderland saying all people more than a mile high must be rejected from court. If Riddle is the Queen of Hearts, well then any time they argue all Yutu has to do is grow and then he won't be allowed to yell at him any more so there. As a side note do you think this logic could apply to the Chimera in the Prologue? Because I could see that being darkly funny if it comes up in game in that context.

Cater! Yutu

I had a really well thought out idea about Cater being able to see a limited amount into the future before I realized that I was describing the sharingan from Naruto so fuck me I guess.

So just hear me out, you know in twst battles you can see at least one of spells the enemy is going to use? That's sort of what I thought Yuu's unique magic would be if they had it, but I also like the idea of it being Cater! Yutu's. It would function more like an instinct than an actual vision (*clenches fist* just like naruto) but he can use his magic to tell what a person intends to do before they fully think it. Cater is skilled at divination so a unique magic that lets his kid see a little bit of the future feels like it could work for him.

Speaking of divination, I sort of also like the idea of Cater! Yutu having a magic that has something to do with stars and starlight. Maybe he can turn into a void like being made of cosmic energy, similar to how Cater's Split Card is symbolic of his many faces, Yutu's void form could be symbolic of how he feels displaced in the world.

Ace! Yutu

We don't know what Ace's unique magic is (yet) but there are a lot of theories. Time travel, something that steals another person's spell, something related to optical illusions?

I think it would be fun if Ace! Yutu could do something with reflections/mirrors. As in he can reach through mirror and attack, similar to how Hanged Man works in JoJo. The further the distance the more magic it takes, it can also work with things like water but that takes a lot more magic too.

Either that or he's able to travel between mirrors on his own without the dark mirror. That might be a much more difficult thing to do though...

Jade! Yutu

I have a very clear idea for what I wanted to do with Jade! Yutu's magic, but it's a bit complicated to explain because I'm not a physicist.

The basic idea was that Yutu is able to exert magical force on an object, so long as he knows it's exact dimensions and what it is made of. I called it "Crush the Heart" because I wanted both his and Floyd's Yutus to have magic to follow their dad's naming theme. To activate it he has to be looking at where the object should be and picture it in his mind, the more precise the crush the more concentration, control, and magic it takes.

The name could in theory be quite literal, but Yutu isn't quite there yet in his knowledge of biology or magical control.

Floyd! Yutu

Like I said, I want the twin's Yutu's to have a name that is similar to their dad's. Floyd's Bind the Heart uses Kanji that literally translates to "coiling tail"... which I guess is more similar to the magic I gave Jade! Yutu than the "gnawing teeth" that Shock the Heart does, but that magic is supposed to be something that requires calm collected control, which Floyd and his son simply do not have. Still, lets play off that and give Floyd! Yutu a magic that has something to do with shocks and teeth.

I think Floyd! Yutu should have a taunt. Floyd already loves the idea of a good fight, his son is really good at combat magic, and they both talk so much shit that the idea of that literally being his unique magic just sort of works.

Functionally the spell would work similarly to Jamil's, where the person has to look him in the eyes for it to work. The name of the spell could be something like "Reveal the Heart" but that does sound sort of stupid to me so I'm not sold on it. The spell makes a person unable to focus on anyone other than Yutu and wares off after a certain amount of time, it can fail in fashion similar to Riddle's if the enemy mage has a protection spell up.

Azul! Yutu

Another Yutu who I know exactly what I wanted to do with, I got the idea while playing Darkest Dungeon of all things. I feel like it's a bit lame though.

Azul! Yutu can create phantom limbs out of cosmic magic. When he is in octopus form those limbs take the form of human arms, and when in human form they take the form of tentacles. He says when asked that what he is doing is manipulating shadows because he likes to keep people on their toes (or fins take your pick) and he finds it very funny to watch people squirm when they realize there really is no escaping his grasp.

It is a very difficult magic to use, he needs physical strength to use those limbs because they are only as strong as his real ones, so he works out and a lot to make sure he doesn't hurt himself while using it.

Ruggie! Yutu

Laugh With Me is a perfect magic for a hyena to have, and it suits Ruggie's personality really well. Actually... I did write that his Yutu shares his laugh and I think it would be so painfully cute if that extended to his Unique Magic too. Ruggie makes a big deal about how he's kind of a crappy mage, how he has to do a lot of extra work to make up for his low mana pool and poor upbringing. Can you imagine how embarrassed, proud, and awed he would be if his son inherited his spell? That's something only great mages are supposed to have, not little guys like him. Good thing neither Yuu or Yutu care about that huh?

Vil! Yutu

I haven't done a post about Vil! Yutu really beyond this bit about him bonding with Vil, but I did mention what I think his unique magic would be.

I can't find it but I read a myth once about a painter who drew animals with a magic paintbrush that would bring them to life if he gave them two eyes, so he only ever gave them one. I thought it would be neat to have a spell like that and it feels like something that would fit Yutu Schoenheit very well. His magic allows him to create temporary familiars similar to Lilia's bats, bigger creatures take more magic and focus.

I wrote the name for this spell as "Technicolor Dream" since I thought it would be nice for the name of Yutu's magic to nod towards his father's job and his dreams about having his family back.

I have a lot more Yutu's chilling in my inbox, so I'll revisit this topic (lilia! yutu has a whole ask about his um that I really like) once we are done with round 2 of Yutu posting.

[riding-the-sunset-bird]

I don’t know if you’ve been asked this yet, but is there any particular order you recommend doing the moments for each step in?? I’m trying to figure out what moments should be played when since some of the moments trigger events in others depending on what you played first. Or! Do you guys have a preference for which you do personally?

I would say that mine is more of a preference than a recommendation, especially because I'm still doing a deep, deeeep dive into the code to really see which moments influence another (so while I'm going to give this list anyway, I also will probably redo it later after I see which moments influence one another and in which ways).

For example, if you remember the moment in Shopping where you can ask Cove "why is your dad always giving people money?" it's completely different if you've told Cove about the deal in Sandcastle first, going from Cove being puzzled by the question to understanding why the player is asking.

And speaking of Sandcastle anyway, there are some moments that I just skip altogether, specifically Sandcastle from Step 1, none from Step 2 (unless you count Derek's DLC, in which case I'd skip his version of Soiree, Siblings, and maybe Responsible), and Serendipity from Step 3. Most of it is just due to a lack of agency/choice on the player's part and/or secondhand embarrassment that I get from them.

That said, here's the order I personally go in:

Step 1

Shopping

Grown Up

Long Day

Ghost

Runaway

Fireflies

Library

Barbecue

Sleepover

My reasons are pretty basic. Shopping is a good introductory moment for the MC and Cove's relationship, just as Grown Up is a good one for Lizzie and Cove's. The other two (Long Day and Ghost) being before Runaway is because I wanted all the "negative" experiences Cove has to be before it (so the balloon popping, fighting with Lizzie, getting yelled at by the mean old people, and getting scared by the ghost).

Ghost also has to be pretty far down-ish because the opening kinda implies that you've spent a bunch of time with Cove even if it's the first one you play, so I put it as late as possible to try and make it at least slightly accurate.

And for the moments afterwards, Cove (mostly) either has a slightly better/a neutral relationship with his dad (Library with him asking about a prize, for example, even if he ignores him overall, and Barbecue with the two of them watching the fireworks together) which feels appropriate after Runaway.

The last four are mostly just ranked by how much I like them. I know Fireflies is supposed to be super important because of how much it's referenced, but I find it slightly generic compared to the others.

I also think Sleepover is a really sweet ending to yours and Cove's relationship if you manage to make him stay for the whole night, and Barbecue is just before that since you can convince Cove for eat from your spoon. Library - unlike Grown Up - gives you a choice between spending time with Cove or Lizzie so that's just an extra bonus that I feel the player should have after spending enough time with Cove.

If you play Sandcastle, then, hrm... probably before Ghost? Since Cove mentions his dad "doing whatever he wants" in Ghost so if you tell Cove about the deal in Sandcastle then it adds a bit more context to that line.

Step 2

Family

Mall

Growing

Birthday

Dinner

Wave

Escapade

Summerwork

Road Trip

Soiree

This is slightly mixed up because I wanted to pace out the moments where either Kyra/Derek appears so it's not all shoved off in one big section. Family is also first because I wanted to try to start the player off with a better impression of Elizabeth since she's usually very grumpy and by the end of Family she's more relaxed with the player.

Birthday being after Mall is because Cove is less embarrassed about sharing stuff with the MC. Some people might question why it's still so early because you lose the gummy bear toss if you have a Mixed/Studious Cove and a non-athletic MC, so it might be best to give them as many opportunities as possible for the MC to up their athletic points, but the only time to do that is in the intro so it doesn't matter.

Summerwork might seem a little late but I also thought it'd be a realistic place whether your MC was actively working on their work over the summer or was just scraping by without much interest (the drama right before the relaxation of Road Trip also feels appropriate).

Escapade before Road Trip is important because if you asked for Cove's shirt in Escapade, then you get to take it with you in Road Trip, and Soiree's placement is just obvious (especially if you play Baxter's route rather than Cove, so you end the summer with getting to meet/dance with the "mystery boy").

Step 3

Hang

Drive

Boating

Talks

Happiness

Reflection

Late Shift

Errands

Charity

Hang, Drive, and Boating work as a nice re-introductory thing for Terry+Miranda, Kyra, and Liz+Lee+Baxter respectively.

I also tried to space out the multiple moments with potential drama (Talks, Reflection, and Errands), and Happiness takes place right after Talks since you can argue with Cove in that one and it feels very Cove to immediately jump to overdoing it on making you happy after something like that.

Late Shift is only semi-random since I wanted to space out the moments where you interact with Baxter (things would obviously be different if you're going for his route). Cove also picks from the dessert menu in it which leads nicely into Errands where the MC can buy him fudge.

Though Errands is admittedly 100% personal preference because I just really like it so I put it late on the list.

Charity is obvious, though if the player prefers to date Cove in Charity (rather than dating him in the in-between or confessing at the end of Step 2) and still have moments afterwards then it can be freely moved around.

As for Serendipity if you choose to play it, probably before Boating to add to all the introductory moments?

Again, the list isn't final but this is a rough estimate. Most of them are made for narrative reasons rather than moments that are directly mentioned in others so that'll definitely change.

[pillowspace]

some general Headcanons, but if there is something noteworthy for any AU difference, I‘d love to hear elaboration! To the degree you feel like answering too obviously :).

Uuh one request i do have beside general HC.

that adoption au idea you had a while back. What was Evan Charlie sibling dynamic like?

(Quick note: I made this so long, I'm so sorry LMAO. I reached into my headcanons and rambled way too hard. FOR SHORT: Charlie and Evan are good friends but not best friends like Evan and Cassidy are. Cassidy dislikes Charlie at first while Charlie likes Cassidy, so they have a sort of one-sided enemies to friends thing. Charlie and Evan are best friends in that AU)

My personal headcanons for Charlie, Cassidy and Evan is that... Okay first of all, I'll give my general perceptions of Cassidy and Evan before I answer about Charlie. For the sake of context. Also also I like using they/them for Cassidy.

Cassidy and Evan are absolute best friends in my thoughts. Cassidy's more of a fighter while Evan's more flighty, and thus they're protective of him. I like to imagine that Cassidy is a good kid who fiercely stands up for others, but doesn't go about it in the most gentle of ways, and will easily pick a fight regardless of whether or not they think they can win. I like to think of Cassidy as scared of others in a dissimilar way to Evan, Evan reacting with tears while Cassidy reacts with bite and a lack of trust. Still, they have their wariness of others in common, so their friendship is deeply important to the other as they hold no fear of each other.

As for Charlie's relationship with the two, I like to imagine Charlie as being very close to the Aftons considering Henry and William's bond. I like to imagine her as being a little younger than Michael, but a little older than Evan and Elizabeth. A sort of... good middle age for her to have a relationship with all three of them. I think she likes Evan. When I imagine the Puppet, I imagine it trying to gently coax out the shyest kid with a gift. She finds him nice and likes to play with him whenever she can, but doesn't want to push into his space too much if he looks like he'd rather be alone. I'd like to think that, at one point, Charlie would meet Cassidy through Evan, intentionally or not. Charlie likes them! She thinks they're cool! And because I would find it deeply funny, I like to imagine that Cassidy does not like Charlie. At all.

Charlie's all bright smiles and getting way too close and personal. The thing with Charlie is that if a kid visibly seems shy (Evan), she'll take care in her actions. With a kid like Cassidy who shouts and tells people off? She assumes she can match this boldness and be best of friends for it. Which is why I have a doodle somewhere of Charlie saying that Cassidy bit her LMAO. Charlie makes Cassidy feel uneasy, and because Cassidy doesn't like to think of themself as being weaker for that, they just come up with reasons for why Charlie simply sucks (also why I have a comic where Cassidy thinks Charlie's fishing for compliments instead of asking a genuine question). They won't say this to EVAN though, they'll just grumble about it a bit and Charlie will wonder what she did wrong.

I do genuinely really care about Charlie and Cassidy as friends though, it's my favourite dynamic between the kids. Cassidy not liking Charlie is not the opposite to them being friends, but something that I feel would add TO their friendship, as they go through impossibly hard events together and learn to lean on each other for support as ghosts. And that is also why I have a drawing of them holding hands while Cassidy's visibly annoyed and a drawing where Charlie hugs Cassidy while they cry.

Sorry if that was long...! But there is my personal preferred way of viewing Charlie's dynamics with Evan and Cassidy.

(Note: I realize you also may have also wanted to know about the other Missing Kids too. They look up to Charlie. The kids were used to having an authoritative figure to lean against, so now that that's been taken from them, they see Charlie's protective caring nature and lean on it like a baby's instinct. But Charlie's a kid herself. She finds it... cute sometimes, and she does want to keep them safe, but it's overwhelming. She misses her dad too. Since I'd like to imagine Cassidy not finding anything parental in Charlie, I also like to imagine that adding to their friendship from Charlie's side. Charlie loves the other kids, but she's working with a situation that shouldn't have ever happened. I do have an appreciation for interpretations where they dislike Charlie, but this is just how you'll typically find me depicting them.)

---

Are you referring to this AU? I never did really draw it after that, which is a shame, because I thought about it extensively.

Generally, prior to the Afton kids being adopted into the Emily family, it's the same dynamic as I described. Afterwards though, Charlie has siblings now!! One moment it was just her and her father, and now she's got two brothers and a sister! So growing up like that, Charlie wanted to get to know her new siblings as well as possible, even better than when they had simply just been friends. (And honestly, I like to think that Charlie's a bit lonely. She was being bullied in FFPS, was she not?) Any tense relationships the siblings held with one another, Charlie and Henry did their best to remedy it. Michael's... dealing with a lot, it's still a time travel Michael AU that isn't centered on him, so he doesn't really know how to adjust to everyone quite yet. So while Charlie may have spent more time with Michael pre-adoption, he ends up who knows where, while Charlie balances things out by spending a bit more time with Evan and Elizabeth nowadays. Evan's lonely without Cassidy to play with, so he often goes to Charlie as a first option now. He trusts her. And so they grow closer and closer as best friends over the years who have each other's backs. By the time Evan gets back in touch with Cassidy, Cassidy and Charlie are both close with Evan, but not with each other. Until they are. Because I like Charlie and Cassidy having a one-sided enemies to friends thing going on.

APOLOGIES IF YOU ARE REFERRING TO A DIFFERENT AU THOUGH, I think I have mentioned adoptions a few times before. I just figured that one though because that one has to do with Charlie, Evan, and Cassidy the most.

[bonefall]

Now this had me thinking... Would Willowpelt die in the same way as canon (although to another creature im assuming since bb!badgers aren't as dangerous as they are in canon)? If she's getting kept around longer, maybe Cricketclaw is the one who sacrifices herself instead? That sounds like a fitting way for her to go, considering she couldn't protect her own siblings?

I feel like I should add a TM to anything that I'm working on in my drafts that has significant progress and is blog-plot-relevant, that will explain something exactly like this LMAO

Forgive me I am, at heart, a bear that eats half a salmon and then forgets I had a fish at all

Willowpelt's brush with death is staying, and is actually a bit plot relevant in Firestar's Quietus! I have a very specific scene which is actually totally written out-- actually fuck it, I'll just post it here

Context and narrative purpose of this scene:

Firestar is informed of a boar on the territory, and gathers a little scouting patrol to try and figure out what sort of hog it is.

VERY IMPORTANT SEGWAY. Because of how Willowpelt gets bitten here and Firestar loses a life saving Sorrelpaw, they all end up in the Cleric's den where Ferncloud is telling a story both to practice her new job as upcoming Educator and to comfort everyone.

The fact Willowpelt is not dead is how I get Littlecloud away from Runningnose and Firestar

Runningnose has a hunch, in this moment, that goody two-shoes little Firestar might be the perfect person to help Brokenstar, and teases the visions and revelations he's about to have

Establishes that boars are the new Big Bad Beastie of BB

Presents Sorrelpaw's epilepsy and demonstrates how it is a danger to her safety

(this is a lot of buildup but this is actually pretty short lmao)

So anyway before I let you go on to the readmore and a preview of Firestar's Quietus, no one takes Willowpelt's death here, and Willow is going to hang on for longer. I wanted to make sure I have a good amount of cats to kill off in the carnage of the White Hart's destruction.

Wherever Cricketclaw dies, it will be for a purpose. Either to show how bloody the TNP conflicts are, or in a greencough epidemic because I'm trying to make sure those aren't just "Kill a bunch of randos offscreen" disease anymore.

WILLOWPELT'S BOAR

The patrol is Sandstorm and Sorrelpaw, Willowpelt, Longtail and Sootpaw, and himself. It's just supposed to be for scouting, hence why the apprentices are coming along.

Unfortunately the hog has other plans, lunging out of a bush and going for Sootpaw

Willowpelt jumps in the way and gets bitten instead

Sorrelpaw acts quick, slashing its sensitive nose, drawing its attention and bolting as fast as she can

RIGHT as she crosses the Thunderpath, her body goes limp and she falls to the ground

She is having an absence seizure, and fallen flat on the road

The hog is hot on her heels, bowling after her, when a monster screeches to a halt out of nowhere

The hog is frozen in the headlights, Firestar bursts into action to pull Sorrelpaw out of the road

(i hear your heart beat to the beat of the drums) BUMP BUMP

The boar and Firestar have been hit by, have been struck by, an automobile

When he sees StarClan, they're about to greet him with love. But their faces turn to shock and fear, the scenery becoming sinister and trees falling down.

A fifth oak tree is crashing down towards them. Firestar stares at it, dumbstruck.

Just before it strikes him, his eyes snap open

Firestar resurrects with a burst of energy, dragging Sorrelpaw off the road and into the safety of a fern on the ShadowClan side

The humans are coming out of the car to examine the boar they struck, but Firestar doesn't have time to consider that or his vision.

Littlecloud's head pokes out of the foliage and he springs into action, checking them both for injury. Breathless, Firestar points behind him and rasps, "Willowpelt!"

Littlecloud nods and bolts across the road.

Runningnose saunters out from a different angle-- one where he would have been able to see the road. Everything that happened.

His gaze is unsettling as ever, pausing, eyeing the leader up and down.

He starts tending to Sorrelpaw, then mumbles,

"Brave of you."

"It's what any leader would have done."

"No. It's what you always do."

Firestar doesn't know how to respond to that, but he's glad Runningnose isn't staring at him anymore.

But continues, "You will learn terrible things in the days to come, Firestar, and StarClan will not answer the questions that find you. If you seek the truth, meet me by the mothermouth on the night after the next gathering."

Sorrelpaw is leaning up now, her eyes dazed and confused, as if she's trying to figure out what happened.

[writing-for-life]

I hope you don't mind me chiming in but I have a theory on the Death and Destruction thing I don't think it's a plot hole because I think Destruction and Death situations were different from each other. Death didn't just walk out she stopped being Death altogether, she completely refused to be her concept not letting anything die by withholding her gift.

Destruction walked out on his realm and refuses to oversee destruction and control it but he is still very much destruction. I think that is the difference maybe, one stopped altogether and one just walked out which is why both provide very different outcomes. I think if any of the Endless stopped being their concepts like Death did that concept will also cease to exist.

Hey, thanks for sliding into my inbox 🙂

It’s so interesting in terms of choice of words.

In “A Winter’s Tale”, she chooses exactly the words “walking out”.

But a panel later, she says:

“BUT I KIND OF REFUSED TO DO IT ANYMORE. I STOPPED TAKING LIFE. PEOPLE AND ANIMALS BIRDS AND BACTERIA, FISH AND IDEAS: NOTHING DIED.”

(Can I also say: Girl, you’re encroaching on your brother’s domain here 🤣)

So I’m still wondering what the actual difference is. They both walked out. They both refused to attend to their function. Death refuses to take life and assume her role. Destruction refuses to destroy and (re)assume his role (he tells us very clearly several times in Brief Lives, but you could be right that we’re walking the fine line between not overseeing it and not doing it. But he’s also not doing it, so the result should be the same? I think I’m tying my brain into knots 🤣).

And yet, destruction still happens by his mere existence. And Death still existed, too, I presume, at least on some sort of conscious level, otherwise she wouldn’t live (ugh) to tell the tale.

So what made her stop being her concept while it didn’t stop Destruction?

Is it keeping the Sigil (he of course keeps his sword and also the pool)? I don’t know about Death’s ankh in this context, but then there’s the whole thing in “The High Cost of Living” where we’re essentially made to believe that it’s actually not that important, and that she could bestow that power on literally anything (which she ultimately does).

Is it because Death has a more active role by default? Because she actively takes people while the other siblings just “oversee” their functions? But that seems off to me because we are told over and over again they ARE their function, not just stewards of it.

It is a really interesting question to ponder, and I wonder if the answer lies in us/the sentient beings that brought them into existence in the first place?

Because all the Endless exist since we make them so. They came into existence because of us.

But Death (just like Destiny) was there before the first thing lived—we’re told this explicitly in Dream Country/Façade (and once again by Destruction in the panel I’ll add in a minute):

“When the first living thing existed, I was there waiting. When the last living thing dies, my job will be finished. I'll put the chairs on the tables, turn out the lights and lock the universe behind me when I leave.”

Dream is younger and was there when the first living thing awoke to life (is that a sleep analogy baked in?), presumably with the capacity to dream. I feel Gaiman never chooses words lightly. He didn’t say, “Came to life”, because in that case, the fact it was real (as Dream’s opposing force) would have been enough. But it “awoke to life”—that’s an implication of deeper sentience and the capacity to wish and dream in my view.

Destruction is younger again, so we’re talking about sentient destruction—he was there because the first thing had the capacity to destroy, not because of creation (otherwise he should really be older than Death, or at least older than Dream).

And I feel the answer is in there somewhere? Perhaps Death came into existence because an opposing force was needed for balance? The other Endless are also tied to their opposing forces/the opposite side of their coin, but we’re never explicitly told they came into existence because of their opposite, but rather because of their primary function, if that makes any sense? I’m not sure if I’m getting across clearly what I want to say…

I’m wildly speculating here and have no clue if I’m anywhere near of what Gaiman intended, so this is total head-canon territory. I’m no-pressure tagging in @tickldpnk8 because she wrote about A Winter’s Tale before and might have additional thoughts (I remember us going off on several tangents back then 🤣).

Edited to add: This was sparked by a discussion on this post:

@psychicexpertcollector ask answered

[writingquestionsanswered]

Adding Emotional Impact to Sibling Reunion

Anonymous asked: So I'm writing a scene where my MC walks by her missing older brothers on the street, who she hasnt seen since he dissapeared 7 years prior. My problem is that I would like for this to be a very emotional meeting where both are overjoyed to see the other still alive and well. But I can't seem to get the emotional part down. It ends up just looking like two old classmates running into each other a few years after graduation instead of two people who believed the other was dead. Do you have any tips on how to get this down?

There are a few things you can do to make sure this reunion has good emotional impact:

1 - Build Context - Probably the most important thing you can do is make sure you've adequately built up context for why this reunion would have an emotional impact. If all the reader knows is that the character's brother has been missing for seven years and is presumed dead, that reunion is going to fall pretty flat. So, do what you can to build context by showing what this event (the brother going missing and being presumed dead) has meant to the character on an emotional level. What was the initial event like for the MC, when the sibling went missing? What were the coming days and months like? What was it like when the sibling was declared dead? What are all the things the MC has missed about their sibling, what dreams and nightmares have they had? Have they ever dared to hope they were alive out there somewhere and would be reunited? Exploring these situations, questions, and feelings ahead of the reunion helps to build up emotional context that gives the reunion more impact.

2 - Explore Thoughts - The next most important thing you can do is make sure to explore the MC's thoughts in the moments immediately before, during, and immediately after the reunion, and make sure what they're thinking doesn't fall flat. If they first see the sibling and think, "Huh, I guess my sibling is still alive after all," that's not going to do the scene any favors. On the other hand, if they see the sibling and do a double-take, thinking they must be mistaken, then look again. and after a short mental debate--because after all, the sibling would have changed somewhat in seven years--realize they're right and it's them, imagine the thoughts that would flood into their minds. They'd think things like: they're alive? How is this possible? Where have they been? Why haven't they reached out? How is this the first time I'm seeing them? Should I approach them? Will they remember me? What if they don't remember me? What should I say? Now imagine what they'd be thinking as they approach them, as the reunion occurs, and in the moments immediately after. Exploring these kinds of thoughts gives the scene much more weight.

3 - Explore Emotions - In addition to exploring the character's thoughts, you can also highlight the emotions they feel just before, during, and just after the reunion. These emotions will go hand-in-hand with the things they're thinking. For example, what emotion and emotional cues do they feel when they first recognize the sibling and do the double-take? Nostalgia, longing, panic? Heart pounding? Stomach twisting? What do they feel as they begin to doubt whether or not the sibling will remember them? Anxiety? Dread? Butterflies in the stomach? Suddenly feeling chilled? Adding emotion and internal emotional cues to your description of this event adds dimension and authenticity to the scene.

I hope that helps!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[snarky-art]

barfs out a post-recovery Daphne in Nymphix on accident

After a lot of thought I think I’ve settled on how I want her to interact with magic going forward post-resurrection after healing

Info on that and the symbolism in her outfit changes below!

The Dragon Flame in my redo is not a sole power source for a being. It instead acts as an enhancer that adds a huge power boost and integrates with the beings already existing magic.

Daphne is a pure fire elemental in terms of her magic classification.

At this point, while not the holder of The Flame anymore, she is still an incredibly powerful magic user who retains her Nymphix transformation as well as all the others she gained in her lifetime and could still easily hand Bloom’s ass to her if Bloom wasn’t utilizing The Dragon Flame. Even then, there’s still a chance Daphne would beat her if that was utilized because Daphne is a much better combatant than Bloom. She was trained formally for pretty much her whole life and is an excellent strategist. Bloom has rough and tumbled it for pretty much her whole life and had to try and brute force her way with her magic. She’s getting proper training specialized specifically for The Dragon Flame now but she’s got a long was to go to catch up to her big sister, much to Daphne’s delight whenever they have sparring matches. It’s a proper way to make up for all the teasing she never got to exert on her while she was dead and separated. They’re forming a proper sibling relationship now with petty squabbles and ample jabs included lol

In this post, I explained in more depth about how The Great Dragon works.

Bloom gives full consent to Daphne utilizing The Flame and calling upon The Great Dragon whenever she wants, and The Great Dragon still resonates with her beautifully. Daphne doesn’t want to be it’s keeper again, the responsibility and weight of it all and the context of what that means for her within the history of The Magical World and The Fall of Domino, is kind of messy in her mind to say the least. It’s stressful. But The Great Dragon still feels like a friend, something familiar that as she’s had more time away to grow as an individual, sort out all her complicated feelings and heal, she’s content to visit with in a way, and if that way is sometimes in combat when something needs a proper beat down, then so be it.

Outfit info!

Her new fit covers her body more (safer in her mind, a little less flashy to match her slightly more subdued general attitude post resurrection too. Her skirt having less of a flare and being more closed in is also a reference to this) and has way less metal (she was adorned with it constantly pre death as it’s such an important representation of royalty and The Great Dragon itself) and incorporates more blue (she is no longer defined solely by her tie to The Flame and her power with it. Purple gems are solely for those who are the supreme ruler and holder of The Dragon Flame whereas cyan is a color of royalty and high ranking officials who act directly for the royalty. She has a much better mix now).

Her headpiece is a variation of the one made for the crown princess and next in line to the throne, seen in this one portrait of her, and shows her comfort asserting that authority and title for herself now with it being tied to her relation and love for her family as opposed to, once again, The Great Dragon itself.

Also, short hair after trauma, my beloveds

Less stimulation for her.

Hair tickling her can drive her nuts still. It was awful when she was first recovering and it’s a thing that still irks her even now more than it used to, so having more out of her face and less chances to rustle against her makes her happy.

Stimulation is part of the reason less metal is incorporated here too.

Temperature fluctuation is something she’s more sensitive to now and it was VERY triggering for her when she first started recovering.

It reminded her of much it burned during the fall and how much it hurt when it got colder as she died. It turned so quick.

The cold from it makes her think of the piercing cold that Domino was, buried in ruble and ice, the ruins of genocide quite literally frozen in time.

She’s separated those feelings more as she’s gone through therapy and healed more but it can still be unsettling and she does have trouble with those thoughts creeping up on her at times.

She feels less chained down too literally now with the heavy emphasis of gold that exists in my lore for Dominion symbolism, mentioned in this post.

Anyway, I love her and she’s getting happier and it’s what she deserves:)

[amyisherenowitsokay]

Not sure if this was asked before, but when you write, do you have a clear vision of what you want from beginning to end or does it come to you along the way?

Also how do you get so detailed with your writing? Is there a trick to it?

Don't worry about repeating asks! Usually people word their questions enough for me to be able to give different answers, and if not, I'll just elaborate on what I've said before.

In regards to your first question, it depends on the fic, honestly. The Re:MHNY requires waaay more planning because of what I'm trying to do with the story, my intentional parallels, etc. For that series, I basically have a google doc entirely dedicated to just bullet points and a synopsis of the plot, important themes, character, etc. Just a big ol' digital plotting board. Along the way I'll also sporadically write chapters at random as the ideas come to me, or even write just a few sentences that illustrate a point I want to make before I forget the wording. The amount of Notes on my phone that are just fic drabbles is absurd.

For other fics like Dead Weight, That Thing on Your Wrist, etc., the idea just sort of occurs to me. Like for That Thing On Your Wrist, I really was sulking about not being able to find more ZAGR fics that follow a trope. Invader Zim is really sci-fi, adventure-packed, humor-oriented cartoon, and so I think it's really easy for the fans such as myself to write themselves exclusively in these little pockets we've carved out for ourselves. And don't get me wrong, I obviously love writing as close to the canon as I can get, but also, what about my beloved cliches? And so that idea becomes infectious, and I start picking out the details in my brain. There's a million little Soulmate AU's (seeing color when you touch, hearing each other's thoughts when you touch, hearing each other across distances, etc.), rifled through the cards, and picked one I felt was easiest for me to do while keeping the characters how I wanted them, with appropriate amounts of drama.

It just itches at my brain until I start to add little practicalities to the situation. For Dead Weight, I want them as Irkens, but also it has to be a romance story. And it still needs to be in-character. So ZAGR, but with the added brutality of child soldiers and uniquely Irken-trauma. What does that look like? And that's usually how random entire chapters get formed in answering that question. What's Irken courtship look like? What do sibling-adjacent-relationships look like? What circumstances would make that possible?

I'm infamous for also just writing 6k words that I know go in a fic, but have no idea when. So I'll just sit on this chapter I love for like a year until I'm like aha! You'll fit here! And then make adjustments to make all the pieces fit together. Unfortunately, as the story develops, that does mean sometimes jokes or ideas I wrote in a random draft have to be edited or removed to fit in the circumstances I made. Re:MHNY1 has tons of deleted chunks that were funny or that I liked, but that didn't end up working in-context.

So short answer, I find an idea I want to write, and then just keep hammering away until that idea feels like I can make it make sense, and then keep adding bricks that justify it, if that makes sense. My fics are me standing in front of an enormous cork board with red string, thumbtacks, and fanart everywhere explaining why ZAGR makes sense in this circumstances. In this essay I will etc. etc.

In regards to detail, my goal in my writing is to ground the fantastical. What does an alien ship feel like? Cold, cause void of space, right? Well no, because organic creatures like bees pass out in the cold, so they'd need warmth. But this is a run-down piece of shit ship, so they'd probably keep their inhabited areas warm, and leave other areas cold, like Gaz's cell on the Valkian ship. I also catch myself making gestures or miming out certain scenes. If I smirk, how does that muscle twitch feel on my face? Or if I try to suppress a smile, I catch myself gritting my teeth a little, and so I add that into the description. Just because a circumstance is made up doesn't mean you don't have sights, smells, feelings, or other senses that affect how a character perceives the situation.

Like in The Corn Maze in Paradorx, I've personally never been chased by a corn demon, but I do know what freaks me out. Everyone is careful when they're outside at night, because they're worried of who else is out there with them, among other things. That's a real, legitimate fear that pretty much everyone can relate to. And so I write in scenes of the corn leaning towards them listening to them when they're not paying attention, and the nasty odor of rotting pumpkins because people remember that smell. I think my most successful details aren't describe every individual piece of wood grain, but picking out aspects of a situation that the everyman reader knows and can remember. Those are the details that are most effective, that people tend to comment on as what gave them, in this case, the heebie jeebies.

Also, I like to find punchier words. It's not a smell, it's a stench. It doesn't hurt, it aches. The English language has some wonderfully specific words that I think are wonderfully appropriate to really specific situations, and I discover them by being an avid reader of novels in general.

Sorry again for the crazy wait regarding answering this ask! Hope I answered your questions anon! If I missed anything, or you'd like me to elaborate anywhere, let me know and I'll do my best to answer in a much more timely fashion.

[drill-teeth-art]

I had a few gripes about some episodes/things that I felt could've been done better. Can I ask for your critiques?

Welcome to Otto's Critique corner. Here are my guidelines for discussing critique with me for everyone's reference.

Repeat after me.

It's okay if we disagree on the flaws of Earthspark. Other people will have different opinions and preferences. Just because someone disagrees with me doesn't make them a bad person. (This is something I spent some time learning and understanding when I was younger, so I always like to add it as one of my rules.)

We will not use this critique space as a platform to be rude to others. We may point out flaws in others' arguments and note where we disagree, but this is a space of discussion and not harassment.

If we feel too worked up by the topics, we will step back. We are responsible for our mental health and emotions. We are capable of stopping ourselves from lashing out at others, so we will be mindful of our emotions.

Onto the main critiques under the cut. Feel free to ask me to expand on certain things as you like.

More of a technical writing issue, but I think the action scenes are written ineffectively. They all feel very slow paced. It comes across as when characters are not in frame, they aren't doing anything. It takes way too long to accomplish things for this reason that would resolve the conflict faster. The characters also actively choose to not do the obvious solution for plot reasons. So for people who write action scenes and such, this is stuff to watch out for. Your characters can do things when they're not in frame, you just have to imply it well enough. Writing conflict is more believable when you write in reasons why they can't do an easier solution. Like the terrans and Bumblebee literally could have gone to get Optimus and Megatron before going back to get Grimlock. If I remember right, one of the characters even suggested it. But they just didn't do it. The obvious plot patch is to have their radios be broken or Optimus and Megatron don't answer and they don't want to leave Grimlock alone too long. But that isn't addressed, and that can read very frustrating to the viewer that the characters ignore the obvious solutions.

Onto the thematic critiques. Now to be fair, this story is incomplete as of now. I try to avoid fully critiquing something that lacks it's full context, but here are my thoughts on what I see so far. To begin, I am a fan of nuanced writing. I love villain redemptions done well and hero corruptions written well. It's important to show that people can change for the better and that good intentions don't justify certain actions. These are pretty easy to mess up writing though, and since I think it's such an important thing to write well, I tend to be harsher critiquing it. Again, it is okay if you disagree with my analysis or agree but want to add a point or agree with most but want to point out a detail I missed or even my own bias. Discussion is good.

Thematically, I think Earthspark shies away from confronting it's own major themes too much. Earthspark has heavy themes around oppression, alienation, trauma of the past haunting the present, and discovering that many people treat others they don't understand cruelly and choose not to understand them. These are very heavy themes, and (assuming the best intentions) I think the writers aren't bold enough about them. As a smaller in world example, Robby encounters his old friend who has biases against Transformers and repeats harmful talking points. Robby doesn't really say all that much about it, choosing to just take his terran siblings and leave. Now, this writing choice I don't have a huge issue with. It's not one person's responsibility to do the educating to someone about their bias. I would have personally liked to see the writers let Robby get angrier, but I don't mind the "I don't have the energy to explain this to you and it's not my job" approach in this instance. Later Robby's friend fixes the graffiti on the bridge to not be a hateful message. Now, it is nice of that character to do that, but I'm frustrated that we saw no substantial confrontation and education. We as the viewers were not shown that this character was more directly confronted with their own biases, and that's somewhat of a pattern that is frustrating. Megatron at the memorial park after the terrans reenact his war memories in front of him doesn't get mad at them or explain to them that war and trauma isn't a laughing matter. At least he doesn't explain it explicitly which I would like to see. But this happens a lot. Megatron expresses to Optimus he doesn't like the devices GHOST is building that control Transformers' mode they're allowed to be in. Optimus sort of vaguely says they have to do this for the greater good, and the topic is dropped. Robby walks away from his friend without explaining why it's cruel to buy into anti Transformers rhetoric. The topic is dropped and suddenly the other kid has a change of heart. Nightshade and a nonbinary person have a discussion about gender that I personally really hoped would go deeper. The topic is dropped as the scene changes after a few sentences.

I feel like the way the writers aren't diving into their themes more is frustrating. It comes off kind of insulting to me. And I am sure that isn't the writers' intentions. And again, I don't think Earthspark is an all bad series or that others shouldn't enjoy it. I know good representation is a huge struggle, and I'm actually really happy to see Nightshade as nonbinary rep even though I also wish they explored more with them. It's just frustrating to see the writing shy away from getting into the representation they're boasting so much that I can't even tell what they're trying to say about their own themes.

(Please no huge spelling and grammar errors fingers crossed.)

[drowning-inmysleep]

ultima // discard

La Mort de Marat / Marat Assassiné , Jacques-Louis David "I have unintentionally created a soundtrack for the precognitive anguish my family will experience" January 8th, 3:00am. I'm working on a song that I had no inspiration for other than creating something loud and layered in a way similar to a song a friend/understudy had showed me days prior. I compose three minutes of music, in which it starts by assaulting the listener with grain delay processed bass samples and hard kicks. After thirty seconds of this the track opens itself similar to the ribcage of the Gaping Dragon, residing at the bottom level of the Undead Burg. It drops it's hardness for a broken arrangement of synths, the melody is trying to pierce through but it never ends up being able to. Like a CD skipping. This is the moment the track breaks and shows itself.

When I was making this, I barely thought anything of it other than "this is powerful". I remember thinking this track will scare people when I play it out, or that if they're on enough drugs it could push them to an emotional breakthrough.

A lot of times I think about the people on drugs in the crowd of my shows, and how the music I make will effect them. In the instance of "ultima//discard", I am almost certain this will invoke some sort of bad trip.

I remember reading an interview with Yoko Taro, my favorite video game creator and scenario writer, in which he said something along the lines of: "To be a creator is to understand your audience, and to understand that is how to hurt them. You find how they react based on your previous work, and you build off of that. In a way it feels like manipulation on a mass scale. It makes me feel bad" As a creator this is true. I feel the same way, but what I think is important to know is the context of said creator. Taro has expressed that in his life, he has experienced a great deal of pain, and is haunted by the memory of it. It comes through in our work whether we'd like it to or not.

All of the artists inspirational to me follow this same pattern and ethos. A good portion of them ended up committing suicide.

Returning to the night of January 8th, the creation of ultima//discard - I made all three minutes of the song in one sitting. At first it was an experiment to see how much I could do with the that bass I mentioned above, but once the broken synth ensemble showed itself I knew there was something there and I had to keep going. An hour later I have the song constructed enough to walk away from at 3 minutes, and finish later. This is how I create most of my music. Usually an outpour of whatever I'm feeling right then and there, to then be expanded upon and revisited. I take a break and load up the game Tales of Berseria. A game in which the main character, Velvet, has their only family member sacrificed by what was their only parental figure, and is then turned into a "Therion" - a demon-human creature that feeds off of other demons. The rest of the game is spent hunting down the parental figure that took Velvet's younger sibling from them. In the game Velvet is plagued by dreams of her consuming and eating her younger brother, the one sacrificed by her father. Her father is now a world leader of peace, and it turns out the sacrifice was necessary to enact said peace. It was getting late, but as I'm tearing humans and demons apart as Velvet I can't help but think "I need to add a vocal to ultima//discard". As mentioned in previous articles, if i'm sampling vocals from another song I like to take them and push them to a darker, much worse place than their origin. I look up something like "why can't you save me?" and "baby can't you save me?". Not knowing any song that says that, but plainly I had the idea to bring the vocal in near the end of where I got to. I find the song Save Me by Nicki Minaj. "'I'm givin' up baby, yes And I can't seem to silence these voices in my head (Yeah) This time, won't you save me? Come save me This time, won't you save me?" This is exactly what I needed, exactly what I wanted. It makes it even better that it's from Nicki Minaj, an artist mainly known for her braggadocios persona. To find a example of her sounding so broken, in a song I never heard from her. It's like I had a precognition this existed, as it were similar to the generic lyric prompt I'd searched to find it. Regardless, I isolate the vocals from the song and take the part I referenced, and throw them at the (current) end of the track. I've recently started processing vocals in a very distinct way, trying to evoke the echoes of hauntology present in Burial's work. He would probably hate that.

I wasn't entirely pleased with the execution, alas the idea was there and I would return to it later. I walked away from it feeling excited to get back eventually, but also that there was something extremely dark about this song.

I never intended for it to be anything real, or representative of anything I was going through. I wasn't really going through anything when I made it, besides the weight of the things I've experienced in my life already. But that wasn't on my mind, I just wanted to make a romantic club track in the flavor of tortured loner musicians I worship so heavily. Maybe I worship these artists because in a way I get it. I yearn for human connection but said connection is hard for me to trust or process. I am someone that would probably be better off knowing less people and spending more time inside.

I'm a popular person and most people that know me like, but naturally I lean towards my real relationships and friendships being through digital interfaces. I've always been this way. The consistent relationships in my life are that of romantic partners, or creative/work partners. With all that being said, the song did feel like it was representative of something real, something I didn't want to face, or something tragic that is inevitably on it's way to me. This is a feeling I encounter whenever I dream.

I suffer from insomnia, which started after a 2 month period of lucid dreaming when I was a teenager. My dreams have always been something I take as reality while I'm experiencing it. Most of the dreams I remember feel precognitive, as they are never whimsical or magical or 'dreamlike' in anyway. They feel like any other day, and usually something bad happens in them.

I would say that atleast 70% of the precognitive dreams I have come true, and when they do I am gravely upset I was right about the outcome whether I was thinking about it or not. I wrote about this in my first article here, in which I mentioned a dream I had where my sister called me and told me my Grandpa died. He died the next day.

As I've grown up I've found that certain drugs stop me from being able to dream, and you could say I have a dependency on them now.

Once again, let us return to ultima//discard. The track title comes from a naming motif I came up with a few weeks ago, in which each track will be named "ultima// "track title". Ultima referring to the feminine form of the latin word, "ultimus", meaning "farthest or last". In a literal sense, it also refers to the last syllable of a word. Each ultima track has it's real name after the word ultima, and those words hold the real relation to the song. I never think too hard about naming anything, usually just some romanticized idea of whatever i'm doing. In the essence of this song, "discard" refers to the amount of people I have discarded in the past few months.

Now that I'm writing this I'm realizing the theme of discarding people has been a consistent emotion present in my work and my life for the past year.

However, the title really meant nothing to me. It was just another grouping of words that sounded right to me. I named the song and went to bed. I slept for a few hours, being woken up by a dream in which my mom was crying in the hospital and some man was in a hospital bed. I felt sick, but at the same time am used to this sort of dream, and went about my day.

Over the course of the day I revisited the song, feeling excited about this new direction i'm taking my music in - although I still felt somewhat uncomfortable about the energy I subconsciously captured whilst writing it.

After spending the day inside, I got dressed and left the house to go drop off resumes at a few jobs in the city. I don't really need a job right now, but taking advice from Yung Lean whenever he lost his mind after the release of "Frost God" - I figured I should get a job and let my life be normal for awhile. Become a worker, reduce my ability to go out at night, and create a stricter boundary for myself in regards to self destructive behavior.

I've been working at this and engaging in this mindset for the past month, after some unfortunate events transcribed in my life in November. I experienced sexual assault for the first time as an adult, and a relationship I knew was damaging me came to a very dramatic end. I knew I should have left before that, and was preparing to anyway - however, I did not leave and let myself get hurt. This is another common theme in my life. A few weeks after I went out one night with friends after being in my house for weeks, and I got into a car accident that ended up costing a lot of money. As much as I've processed these moments, maybe this is what I was conjuring in ultima//discard - atleast I thought. Like I said, I wasn't really thinking about anything other than making a song when I made it.

January 8th, 6pm. I'm leaving the gas station on my way to print out and drop off resumes, a car comes down the street faster than I expected, I move out of the way and hit my tire against a curb, breaking the tire and rim, once again rendering me without a vehicle. I was listening to ultima//discard. I had the song on repeat, as I always do with songs I make the day prior / songs I'm working on. I stop it at the 25 second mark (before the introduction of the synths) and call my dad to tell him what happened. I'm not even freaking out at this point, I'm used to things like this happening. As I'm on the phone with my dad, he tells me we'll work it out but that he has to talk to me about something. A family member of mine has attempted suicide by overdose and we are unsure if he will survive. He's in the hospital hooked up to machines while the doctors try and stabilize him.

This in combination with the situation I initially called my dad about, I'm at a loss for feeling or words about any of it. Somehow I knew this would happen, I was not surprised to get this news. I hate that. I hate feeling this way everytime something horrible happens. I end the call with my dad, and ultima//discard starts again. The synths come in, and plainly It's overwhelming me. I thought at that moment: "I have unintentionally created a soundtrack for the precognitive anguish my family will experience"

While this is a coincidence, I had a feeling there was a reason this song felt so heavy, and stuck to me so hard. I spent all day listening to it before hearing the news, it was the soundtrack of my day. Upon hearing the news, the ethos of the song was prescribed right then and there. Whether I liked it or not, this is my soundtrack for the moment in which I learned my family member tried to kill themself. I don't know if they'll survive, I have a feeling they won't. I hope I'm not right about that.

//to be continued

[nightmares-voicemail]

Flow, do you have a favorite memory of your sister?

Flow

"Uh, it's kinda hard to answer, since before she moved out and we moved to Pollapolis she was like half of my social circle. She was there for all the important events of my life and always supported me, just like Al or my parents. But if I had to pick one thing...

"Okay, so you know how siblings tend to call each other names, but not to be mean, just affectionately I guess? When I was younger we did that a lot, we had stupid nicknames for each other we both pretended to hate, but only we were allowed to use, so it was like this special thing. But after I came out and changed my name, she just kinda... stopped.

"It took me a while to realize that she was trying super-hard to respect my identity. My whole family was very supportive, but it took for us all a month or two before we all got used to my new name and pronouns. But Nora, she never slipped up. Even I would slip up sometimes when I introduced myself to new people (that was a pretty stressful thing to do even without the gender stuff) and would say my old name, then get too embarrassed to correct myself. So people would stick to my deadname and I felt like I couldn't correct them since I was saying it wrong the first place. So, after a while she just started to introduce both of us, so I wouldn't have to do it.

"I didn't ask her, but she realized I had an issue, so she would just go ahead when meeting new people and say 'Hi, I'm Nora and they're my sibling, Flow'. It took a lot of pressure off me.

"Only when I got older I realized that she must be very nervous that she'd mess up and hurt me. Realizing that I was transgender probably made her doing a double-take about calling me names that always made me groan... even though I didn't really mind. It was one of our things. But I wasn't sure how to communicate that, since the whole joke was pretending that we didn't like the whole thing. And by the time I realized all of this, some time have passed, I also stopped calling her nicknames and it just felt stupid to bring up the whole thing again.

"Uhm. Okay, so this feels a lot less happy suddenly. Sorry for rambling for so long, I just wanted to tell a story about how supportive Nora always was, but I feel like the context adds a lot to it."

[fancy-rock-dove]

Ten Books To Know Me

Rules: 10 (non-ancient) books for people to get to know you better, or that you just really like.

Tagged by the lovely @landwriter whose list I am absolutely taking notes from to add to my own to-read list. Thank you for my evening of reminiscing about some of my favorite stories! I'm about to digress... a lot. I'm wordy. This is known. I'm taking the spirit of "non-ancient" to mean things-people-may-not-have-read-before to recommend, and also trying to stick to the last century or two. I will, however, immediately break the first of those rules because it is impossible to make a list of works to read to know me without including:

The Lord of the Rings - J.R.R. Tolkien

I know, everyone and their grandma has heard of LOTR, this is probably not a shock to anyone, but it holds such a large and ever-recurring place in my life that I would be remiss to leave it out. Please excuse me as I digress into story time on this one and feel free to skip to the next one.

The very first time I read LOTR it felt almost like a rite of passage of sorts; I'm the oldest sibling by several years, and staying up at the age of nine an hour or two after my siblings went to bed to partake in silent reading time in the living room with my dad has a whole host of feelings and memories associated with it. We had this large, red-leather-bound, slipcase-contained, single-volume edition that really felt to nine-year-old me that I was reading something Special. It was I think one of the first things I read and discussed in real time in such serious depth purely for the love and fun of it. We stopped when I'd finished The Bridge of Khazad-dum for my dad to put on the Moria scenes of the movies (which I'd never seen before) because we wanted to chat about adaptation choices. And what's more these books as a whole reward thinking about. I could talk at length about love of the concept and impact of translation and language, a love for song and poetry as important and natural forms of human expression, the reframing of the angst and forces of modernized warfare within the context of epics in the style of the ways people have always talked about and contextualized war, about the ideas that everyone has something to contribute and no contribution made in good faith is worthless, the examination of the fact that evil can arise from fear and good intentions. The first time I studied Beowulf (and many other classic ballads and epics besides) the connection, the sense that I had also grown up hearing stories like this (by design because this is what happens when scholars write about their specialties, even obliquely) was distinct and rewarding. But equally important I think is that the amount it rewards revisiting has let it be a bit of a constant in my life; the first thing my sisters and I all did read together when we started doing out-loud bedtime storytime all together a few years later; one of the first things I talked with my best friend about; the thing that one of my longest-lasting groups of friends first created our "book club" around in undergrad by reading it aloud (again) together (a "club" which keeps us close years later even though our majors and career paths are all wildly different from each others'). And every time I find I have more to see or say or think about and different aspects I find capturing my attention. And of course, the story itself is one I love dearly, and which probably shaped my lifelong love of a good epic narrative.

The Hawk of May - Gillian Bradshaw

Y'all, picking one of Bradshaw's books/series to recommend was a real struggle for me I have to say. I remember loving all the ones I've read. They're historical fiction with a knack for both thoroughness of detail and immediacy of drama. I can't actually pinpoint when I started calling historical fiction one of my favorite genres but I think Gillian may be the one who did it. Most of her works are set in ancient Egypt, Greece, Rome, etc. (I also highly recommend The Beacon at Alexandria [cross-dressing undercover female doctor] which was nearly my pick for this spot on the list) but Hawk of May has the double-notability of being her first book (which she wrote while in undergrad???) and the beginning of a trilogy which holds the dubious honor of containing the first book to ever make me physically throw it across the room in character-related grief. This has only happened two or three times in my life. Given that the trilogy is a historically-inspired retelling of the tales of King Arthur's knights, and Sir Gawain in particular, please take this as a compliment given how well it made me feel the emotions you'd expect to about *waves hand* all of the end of that story.

Dealing With Dragons - Patricia C. Wrede

And all of the Enchanted Forest Chronicles, basically. I LOVED dragons when I was younger (and to be fair haven't exactly grown out of it yet either though it's less all-consuming these days :) ) and read a lot of dragon-related books. I could absolutely make a top ten list just within that category (shout out to the mention I saw in one of these lists of Dragon's Milk, I thought that book was great at the time, and the mental image of prophetic visions shaped in clay on a potter's wheel is one of those ones that stuck in my brain over the years) but Wrede's series stands out also for the humor and the treatment of fairy tale tropes that I think probably actually had a formative impact on my sense of humor. I lost track of how many times I reread this series when I was young. There's a preference for the practical in all our main characters that makes for some very funny loving satire of fairy tale tropes, and also generates some unapologetically hilarious situations. If you want a princess fighting/talking down her own knights because she'd rather they not bother her dragon with their "rescues", or a king who uses his magic sword to do plumbing, this is an excellent series for you. The worldbuilding is quite fun too.

The Complete Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle

Breaking my "there's any chance at all you haven't heard of this" rule yet again, but it's another important installation on my bookshelf and one of the earliest collections of mysteries that got me reading mystery as a genre. Think I read my way through a large chunk of these works between the ages of 10 and 12 and, in addition to being the excellent mysteries people know them for, I think it may also be one of the first collected series of works I'd read that I was aware and could see was published serially. There are a lot of cool things to be said about the interest of the eccentric main character and the presentation of the stories from the point of view of his resigned but invested flatmate, not to mention the way we are far less interested in the law than Putting Things Right. For me though I also really enjoyed reading and thinking about what it would have been like to read a story like this actually published serially when you just had to wonder about the answer and discuss with friends. Baby's early serious metatextual thoughts about collective experience of stories.

A Morbid Taste for Bones - Edith Mary Parteger / Mistress of the Art of Death - Diana Norman

Probably cheating to group two entirely distinct books/series here but I can't mention my historical fiction and my mysteries and then not mention my historical fiction murder mysteries! I associate them very closely because they're both set in 12th century England and feature badass protagonists that people tend to underestimate. A Morbid Taste for Bones is part of the Cadfael Chronicles, featuring Brother Cadfael the mystery-solving former-crusader monk who is absolutely not above breaking some rules or some bones to do right by people. Mistress of the Art of Death features Adelia the Sicilian-trained forensic pathologist who's kindly come out to the far-less-renaissance-influenced 12th cenutry England to help them with their murder mysteries and has a Time navigating actually doing her job while Not being accused of witchcraft in the process. The latter is generally a bit darker in tone than the former, and the former is a bit more episodic book-to-book in general, but I'd recommend them both, they're good fun (as much as a murder mystery can be). BBC also did an adaptation of the Cadfael Chronicles which I watched a couple episodes of once... maybe I should watch some again sometime. :)

Ancillary Justice - Ann Leckie

I am a huge fan of a story that's tightly written around its very premise, and this book absolutely delivers. I've been a sci-fi nerd for much of my life, so the premise of the interface between a biological and computer mind/thought process is something that comes up a lot. And even so, I distinctly remember getting into this book and feeling like the way we were using the very nature of our protagonist was innovative. This book has it all: anti-imperialism, meditations on the nature of memory and identity and personal responsibility (as they arise in our protagonist's unique situation and actually apply to all people), worldbuilding that marks the relationship between language and values and environment and beliefs and culture, thematically relevant music/poetry, a fantastically badass main character, an exquisitely wet and pathetic sidekick she does not want (said lovingly), suspense, action, intrigue, and of course, retribution. Just an excellent read with fantastic worldbuilding and a very tightly-woven narrative structure in the first book in particular. Not to mention a complete disregard for the concept of gender. :)

Story of Your Life - Ted Chiang

And honestly all of Ted Chiang's short stories. Excellent concise yet rich and fascinating worldbuilding in each one. The epitome of stories that delight in breaking down any illusion of the separateness of language and history and math and science as complimentary human pursuits in the larger search for understanding (sometimes explicitly in the mechanics of the stories). This one in particular though may by my favorite short story. It is the story the movie Arrival is based on, but while I like both, I personally found after watching the movie that I still think the two are doing somewhat different things. This story means a lot to me not least because I read it in the midst of getting degrees in both French and in Physics, was just really getting into some of the upper-level approaches like Lagrangian mechanics, relativity, gauge switching, all that good stuff, and was spending a not-inconsiderable amount of time thinking and talking about the ways my degrees were actually similar, how it was all about learning the languages to look at problems from different frames of reference. And so naturally this story made me feel that a lot of my thoughts were Seen. And of course I'm also a sucker for anything approaching time-travel and things that poke at the nature of free will and self-determination, so the meditations of this story in particular on the relationship between our understanding of physics and our understanding of ourselves were hitting real hard at the time.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead - Tom Stoppard

So this is technically a play, but you CAN read it if you want to. The movie is also good and actually directed by the playwright though! I think this was one of my earlier experiences with both existentialism and absurdism in theater. They simply do not let you out with any kind of French degree without consuming a fair amount of angsty, thoughtful, existential and absurdist midcentury books, films, and plays in my experience, but I think it was actually this that was one of my earliest notable reads/views in a couple of those genres, particularly because it was one of my earlier experiences with the concept of tragicomedy. And it actually is also fun! Especially, in my opinion, if you enjoy Hamlet and are in the habit of taking it seriously. It's behind-the-scenes Hamlet, again with thoughts on free will and probability and destiny and the concept of being doomed by the narrative, but with the added bonus of Hamlet occasionally showing up and sounding particularly unhinged from an outside perspective. If The Lion King is furry Hamlet, then Lion King 1 1/2 is furry Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. This may be a trend with me, but I really enjoy the use of Hamlet in particular (already a deeply thematically adaptable play) to parallel uniquely 20th century flavors of angst and questions about the objectivity of reality. I'm a sucker for narratives that acknowledge through their very premise or form that these new-feeling questions or problems are new iterations of human questions we've been grappling with for centuries/always.

The Eyre Affair - Jasper Fforde

A very fun reality-hopping story (and series) with a lot of love for language and wordplay and, of course, Jane Eyre. The worldbuilding in this one is a delight, from the dodo home-cloning-kit-derived pet to the time-traveling dad who may or may not have caused bananas. Fforde is here to have fun at the expense of (or perhaps in kahoots with) language and the fabric of well-known stories and narrative structures. Characters trying and failing to fit the genre they think they're living in is a somewhat recurring phenomenon. @moorishflower's mention of this one in Radio Silence had me screaming about it because the Thursday Next series is indeed excellently fun.

Babel - R.F. Kuang

Confession time: I'm actually reading this one right now, so this is less books-that-shaped-me and more books-I'm-into-right-this-second. So I can't speak for how it ends, but I'm loving how it's going so far. Once again the anti-imperial messaging is strong in this one and it does a fantastic job of making me angry in the ways it should. Very cool premise founded on a magic system that gets its power directly from the nuances of meaning that do not carry over in translation from one language to the other. I would recommend and also love to talk about it with people.

Alright! Think I'm a little late to the tagging game, so forgive me if you've already done it, but I don't think I've seen lists (but would love to if you'd like) from @goodbye-blue, @hopecomesbacktolife, @historyandqueershenanigans, @wordsinhaled (hi!), @chiron-crow, @merytsetesh, @ashes-of-chironides, and anyone else who wants to join in should consider themselves tagged! <3

[blnk338]

Can I ask a super personal question? I don't know what your sexuality is and you don't have to say of course but if you were say, bi. Would you be able to come out to your mom seeing how "rocky" your relationship is (I'm not sure how to phrase this, just remember u saying something about it not being the best)? And how would you approach the topic? Or maybe it would be better to take Nadya/mom as an example? I'm having trouble remembering what her mom's reaction was or if Nadya ever told her? Sorry if it's too out there, I just find topics like this important, especially if I can use advice I learn in future and you seem to enjoy deep discussions like this. Maybe if other people want to share their experiences as well that'd be cool? If you're okay with it only though. I am so nervous to send this but I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I hope it's not trouble!

//homophobia, transphobia, shit parenting, mentions of abuse

to put something into context to better answer your question, ill choose another thing to compare it to outside of sexuality: gender. there were a few years that i experimented with who i felt i was gender-wise. i tried to come out to my mom as a trans guy (identified as nb first, but didn't think they/them pronouns fit as much, and knew she wouldn't understand so i wasn't out at this point), and her general reaction was: "i don't hate gay people (she just generalized all LGBTQ+ as 'gay'), but you're not gay and you can't say you are." please note that my dad was actively supportive and, frankly, just wanted me to be safe and happy, so it wasn't a big deal; he also made it clear that he wasn't surprised that i was changing because everyone does (his rules were pretty much on the line of "as long as you aren't hurting yourself or others, I don't care). it took me a very long time to realize that my situation wasn't as bad as many other cases of kids coming out, but it wasn't a positive outcome. i was actively neglected and my mom chose to support whatever else my older sibling did because they were the golden child. in school and around friends, i used he/him pronouns and a different name, but that was never respected at home.

but i got into high school and realized that i wasn't trans, i was actually harboring a lot of internalized misogyny and i just hated being cornered into the traditional idea of a woman. with that being said, the damage was done. when i told my parents (sort of a re-coming out? i don't even know how to describe it, but i was still worried that they would be mad that i was changing again.), it was another weird reaction. dad was fine, mom was indifferent, and never said anything about 'having her little girl' anymore because i think she realized that i wasn't going to be the girl that she wanted me to be. today, i know i have masculine traits, but i still feel like and am a woman.

the traditionalism that i think she wanted to put on me didn't work and i took on a lot of typically masculine traits: I'm built, i prefer shorts/pants over skirts/dresses (though, I'm not opposed), i like engineering and computer science and construction, and I'm not that much into makeup or typically girlie stuff. it took me a while to unlearn the hatred i had for femininity due to the strangulation of my mom. if any of you are worried-- don't feel that way at all, I'm safe. I've moved out and cut contact

nadya's mom never actually had much of a reaction. i didn't want to add the underlying homophobia because i was worried it would go too far for people, y'know? i had nadya's mom, who i have named diane, just be horribly neutral-- she didn't care that much. i hope this is okay for this part of your ask haha

i didn't grow up in a red/conservative family though. my folks are immigrants, but come from two wildly different cultures. there wasn't a fear of me being kicked out or abused (at least physically) because I knew that a) my dad wouldn't have let that happen and b) i was a fat kid who had the weight over my mom, if she had chosen to hit me, i wouldn't have gone down without landing a few hits in myself.

i don't mind questions like this at all, and I'm grateful that you feel comfortable asking. if i did have a problem, i simply would've been vaguer :)

however, with the idea of coming out, it is now more pertinent than ever that you be careful, especially in the us. i recommend taking your own steps and trying to analyze whether or not your parents would take it well-- your safety is the number one thing that's important.

remember that if you have to cut people out, it is not a judgment on your character, but on theirs. if someone chooses to hurt or throw out their kid/anyone they know for being queer, they are not worth your time.

[protagonistheavy]

I dont have time to rant much about it but JCA season 5 is off to a sucky start. Im glad there's only a handful of episodes left because man it's really lost the charm at this point.

First off, maybe most important even... why the fuck did they straight up ruin the theme song???? For WHAT reason!! They removed the first few measures of build-up from the song so the intro just BEGINS right in the middle, but the animation still plays from the beginning, so you have this intense music replacing what used to be a snippet of "urgent mystery." And seriously, for WHAT REASON? They don't add anything to the intro animation!! In fact it's actually shorter because they put Jade and Uncle's animations side-by-side rather than separate. Yet not only does it play the whole song, but it has to awkwardly loop one of the parts because it isn't long enough! I think they did this so the intro credits could have a few more seconds to show off a few more names lmao, which is just terrible. It's not like JCA had a boppin theme song but it got me in the mood! And now it just looks and sounds so bad, the action doesn't line-up, ugh.

Drago is an interesting concept for a villain but his ineptitude and attitude as a child/teenager makes him unimpressive as the main villain. Honestly the series has a had hard time since season 2 making new villains feel like proper successors; the move from Shendu to Shendu and his demon siblings was an AWESOME transition of power/stakes, but Daolong and Tarakuda were lackluster. Drago has way too many one-liners for a guy that gets kicked into walls by Jade.

That last point is another problem, which is that the action went back to being lazy again lol. It picked back up in season 4, but it's returned to season 3 levels of "just guys hitting each other," with not enough circumstance and environmental fighting. Jade doesn't have to do any tricks or kiddish maneuvers, she just kicks people around; Uncle zaps people with his magic fish while Tohru becomes less and less competent.

And oh Tohru, god they've made him a giggling child. It's honestly disturbing how little of his old self still seems around. I legitimately wondered if he went back to having Jade's chi like in that vampire episode lol, he's just so childish and naive now. A real bummer since Tohru was for sure one of the most compelling characters.

The Enforcers aren't around : ( Bad move, these are just such good and funny characters, and their replacements are simply not worthy. It IS funny to see Strikemaster Ice make a comeback, I wasn't expecting that lol, but him and his two buds are nowhere near as interesting as the Enforcers. Additionally, their Drago-given dragon-forms are just sooooo ugly, oh my god. Considering we already did the "turning henchmen into super-henchmen" thing once before, this is pretty hard to look at, clearly the inferior take on the idea. It's taken lifeless characters and made them look even more lifeless, harder to tell apart, and with nothing making them unique; when the Enforcers became Dark Chi Warriors, they had individual weapons that made them varied as fighters, but these guys are all just dragon things with fire powers, it's a real downgrade and just straight-up looks worse.

So this might be a disappointing end to JCA. I think what's unfortunate is that the series had so much innate charm that the writers didn't capitalize completely on, I genuinely think they just didn't have the creativity to make strong and emotional episodes that an adventure series like this needs. I think A LOT about one particular quote from Alex Hirsch... a show ten years ahead of JCA lol but still relevant. Alex explained that when writing an episode for Gravity Falls, the episode couldn't just be "evil tooth fairy," it had to be a compelling plot about, like, Mable loosing her teeth, or going to the dentist -- there had to be a human character arc that made the evil tooth fairy aspect have context and relevance. JCA badly needed this sort of emotional touch and thinking, because they clearly understand what COULD make the characters more compelling, but they failed to weave that into the episodes themselves. Take the episode about Jade's birthday -- which has NOTHING to do about Jade's birthday, other than it's something she keeps complaining about while they do typical episode stuff. In a better written version of the episode, the plot of Jade's birthday would be interconnected with things happening, it would serve a purpose -- but it's just a random element here, a random point to put pressure on the characters, that ultimately goes nowhere related to the rest of the episode.

Anyway I do love this show but after watching it almost completely, I suppose I do understand why this show didn't retain popularity. The first two seasons are great, but not so fantastic that it shines through its later, less impressive seasons. My brainrot tells me so many ways this series couldve been way more interesting lol, but something like this is super unlikely to inspire any remakes or reboots, so, it is what it is. A cute toon. The ultimate question I have to ask is: is it better than Kim Possible? It isn't. Kim Possible claims another head.