#but honestly I love So Many books I was putting arbitrary rules on this list just to narrow things down

[fancy-rock-dove]

Ten Books To Know Me

Rules: 10 (non-ancient) books for people to get to know you better, or that you just really like.

Tagged by the lovely @landwriter whose list I am absolutely taking notes from to add to my own to-read list. Thank you for my evening of reminiscing about some of my favorite stories! I'm about to digress... a lot. I'm wordy. This is known. I'm taking the spirit of "non-ancient" to mean things-people-may-not-have-read-before to recommend, and also trying to stick to the last century or two. I will, however, immediately break the first of those rules because it is impossible to make a list of works to read to know me without including:

The Lord of the Rings - J.R.R. Tolkien

I know, everyone and their grandma has heard of LOTR, this is probably not a shock to anyone, but it holds such a large and ever-recurring place in my life that I would be remiss to leave it out. Please excuse me as I digress into story time on this one and feel free to skip to the next one.

The very first time I read LOTR it felt almost like a rite of passage of sorts; I'm the oldest sibling by several years, and staying up at the age of nine an hour or two after my siblings went to bed to partake in silent reading time in the living room with my dad has a whole host of feelings and memories associated with it. We had this large, red-leather-bound, slipcase-contained, single-volume edition that really felt to nine-year-old me that I was reading something Special. It was I think one of the first things I read and discussed in real time in such serious depth purely for the love and fun of it. We stopped when I'd finished The Bridge of Khazad-dum for my dad to put on the Moria scenes of the movies (which I'd never seen before) because we wanted to chat about adaptation choices. And what's more these books as a whole reward thinking about. I could talk at length about love of the concept and impact of translation and language, a love for song and poetry as important and natural forms of human expression, the reframing of the angst and forces of modernized warfare within the context of epics in the style of the ways people have always talked about and contextualized war, about the ideas that everyone has something to contribute and no contribution made in good faith is worthless, the examination of the fact that evil can arise from fear and good intentions. The first time I studied Beowulf (and many other classic ballads and epics besides) the connection, the sense that I had also grown up hearing stories like this (by design because this is what happens when scholars write about their specialties, even obliquely) was distinct and rewarding. But equally important I think is that the amount it rewards revisiting has let it be a bit of a constant in my life; the first thing my sisters and I all did read together when we started doing out-loud bedtime storytime all together a few years later; one of the first things I talked with my best friend about; the thing that one of my longest-lasting groups of friends first created our "book club" around in undergrad by reading it aloud (again) together (a "club" which keeps us close years later even though our majors and career paths are all wildly different from each others'). And every time I find I have more to see or say or think about and different aspects I find capturing my attention. And of course, the story itself is one I love dearly, and which probably shaped my lifelong love of a good epic narrative.

The Hawk of May - Gillian Bradshaw

Y'all, picking one of Bradshaw's books/series to recommend was a real struggle for me I have to say. I remember loving all the ones I've read. They're historical fiction with a knack for both thoroughness of detail and immediacy of drama. I can't actually pinpoint when I started calling historical fiction one of my favorite genres but I think Gillian may be the one who did it. Most of her works are set in ancient Egypt, Greece, Rome, etc. (I also highly recommend The Beacon at Alexandria [cross-dressing undercover female doctor] which was nearly my pick for this spot on the list) but Hawk of May has the double-notability of being her first book (which she wrote while in undergrad???) and the beginning of a trilogy which holds the dubious honor of containing the first book to ever make me physically throw it across the room in character-related grief. This has only happened two or three times in my life. Given that the trilogy is a historically-inspired retelling of the tales of King Arthur's knights, and Sir Gawain in particular, please take this as a compliment given how well it made me feel the emotions you'd expect to about *waves hand* all of the end of that story.

Dealing With Dragons - Patricia C. Wrede

And all of the Enchanted Forest Chronicles, basically. I LOVED dragons when I was younger (and to be fair haven't exactly grown out of it yet either though it's less all-consuming these days :) ) and read a lot of dragon-related books. I could absolutely make a top ten list just within that category (shout out to the mention I saw in one of these lists of Dragon's Milk, I thought that book was great at the time, and the mental image of prophetic visions shaped in clay on a potter's wheel is one of those ones that stuck in my brain over the years) but Wrede's series stands out also for the humor and the treatment of fairy tale tropes that I think probably actually had a formative impact on my sense of humor. I lost track of how many times I reread this series when I was young. There's a preference for the practical in all our main characters that makes for some very funny loving satire of fairy tale tropes, and also generates some unapologetically hilarious situations. If you want a princess fighting/talking down her own knights because she'd rather they not bother her dragon with their "rescues", or a king who uses his magic sword to do plumbing, this is an excellent series for you. The worldbuilding is quite fun too.

The Complete Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle

Breaking my "there's any chance at all you haven't heard of this" rule yet again, but it's another important installation on my bookshelf and one of the earliest collections of mysteries that got me reading mystery as a genre. Think I read my way through a large chunk of these works between the ages of 10 and 12 and, in addition to being the excellent mysteries people know them for, I think it may also be one of the first collected series of works I'd read that I was aware and could see was published serially. There are a lot of cool things to be said about the interest of the eccentric main character and the presentation of the stories from the point of view of his resigned but invested flatmate, not to mention the way we are far less interested in the law than Putting Things Right. For me though I also really enjoyed reading and thinking about what it would have been like to read a story like this actually published serially when you just had to wonder about the answer and discuss with friends. Baby's early serious metatextual thoughts about collective experience of stories.

A Morbid Taste for Bones - Edith Mary Parteger / Mistress of the Art of Death - Diana Norman

Probably cheating to group two entirely distinct books/series here but I can't mention my historical fiction and my mysteries and then not mention my historical fiction murder mysteries! I associate them very closely because they're both set in 12th century England and feature badass protagonists that people tend to underestimate. A Morbid Taste for Bones is part of the Cadfael Chronicles, featuring Brother Cadfael the mystery-solving former-crusader monk who is absolutely not above breaking some rules or some bones to do right by people. Mistress of the Art of Death features Adelia the Sicilian-trained forensic pathologist who's kindly come out to the far-less-renaissance-influenced 12th cenutry England to help them with their murder mysteries and has a Time navigating actually doing her job while Not being accused of witchcraft in the process. The latter is generally a bit darker in tone than the former, and the former is a bit more episodic book-to-book in general, but I'd recommend them both, they're good fun (as much as a murder mystery can be). BBC also did an adaptation of the Cadfael Chronicles which I watched a couple episodes of once... maybe I should watch some again sometime. :)

Ancillary Justice - Ann Leckie

I am a huge fan of a story that's tightly written around its very premise, and this book absolutely delivers. I've been a sci-fi nerd for much of my life, so the premise of the interface between a biological and computer mind/thought process is something that comes up a lot. And even so, I distinctly remember getting into this book and feeling like the way we were using the very nature of our protagonist was innovative. This book has it all: anti-imperialism, meditations on the nature of memory and identity and personal responsibility (as they arise in our protagonist's unique situation and actually apply to all people), worldbuilding that marks the relationship between language and values and environment and beliefs and culture, thematically relevant music/poetry, a fantastically badass main character, an exquisitely wet and pathetic sidekick she does not want (said lovingly), suspense, action, intrigue, and of course, retribution. Just an excellent read with fantastic worldbuilding and a very tightly-woven narrative structure in the first book in particular. Not to mention a complete disregard for the concept of gender. :)

Story of Your Life - Ted Chiang

And honestly all of Ted Chiang's short stories. Excellent concise yet rich and fascinating worldbuilding in each one. The epitome of stories that delight in breaking down any illusion of the separateness of language and history and math and science as complimentary human pursuits in the larger search for understanding (sometimes explicitly in the mechanics of the stories). This one in particular though may by my favorite short story. It is the story the movie Arrival is based on, but while I like both, I personally found after watching the movie that I still think the two are doing somewhat different things. This story means a lot to me not least because I read it in the midst of getting degrees in both French and in Physics, was just really getting into some of the upper-level approaches like Lagrangian mechanics, relativity, gauge switching, all that good stuff, and was spending a not-inconsiderable amount of time thinking and talking about the ways my degrees were actually similar, how it was all about learning the languages to look at problems from different frames of reference. And so naturally this story made me feel that a lot of my thoughts were Seen. And of course I'm also a sucker for anything approaching time-travel and things that poke at the nature of free will and self-determination, so the meditations of this story in particular on the relationship between our understanding of physics and our understanding of ourselves were hitting real hard at the time.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead - Tom Stoppard

So this is technically a play, but you CAN read it if you want to. The movie is also good and actually directed by the playwright though! I think this was one of my earlier experiences with both existentialism and absurdism in theater. They simply do not let you out with any kind of French degree without consuming a fair amount of angsty, thoughtful, existential and absurdist midcentury books, films, and plays in my experience, but I think it was actually this that was one of my earliest notable reads/views in a couple of those genres, particularly because it was one of my earlier experiences with the concept of tragicomedy. And it actually is also fun! Especially, in my opinion, if you enjoy Hamlet and are in the habit of taking it seriously. It's behind-the-scenes Hamlet, again with thoughts on free will and probability and destiny and the concept of being doomed by the narrative, but with the added bonus of Hamlet occasionally showing up and sounding particularly unhinged from an outside perspective. If The Lion King is furry Hamlet, then Lion King 1 1/2 is furry Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. This may be a trend with me, but I really enjoy the use of Hamlet in particular (already a deeply thematically adaptable play) to parallel uniquely 20th century flavors of angst and questions about the objectivity of reality. I'm a sucker for narratives that acknowledge through their very premise or form that these new-feeling questions or problems are new iterations of human questions we've been grappling with for centuries/always.

The Eyre Affair - Jasper Fforde

A very fun reality-hopping story (and series) with a lot of love for language and wordplay and, of course, Jane Eyre. The worldbuilding in this one is a delight, from the dodo home-cloning-kit-derived pet to the time-traveling dad who may or may not have caused bananas. Fforde is here to have fun at the expense of (or perhaps in kahoots with) language and the fabric of well-known stories and narrative structures. Characters trying and failing to fit the genre they think they're living in is a somewhat recurring phenomenon. @moorishflower's mention of this one in Radio Silence had me screaming about it because the Thursday Next series is indeed excellently fun.

Babel - R.F. Kuang

Confession time: I'm actually reading this one right now, so this is less books-that-shaped-me and more books-I'm-into-right-this-second. So I can't speak for how it ends, but I'm loving how it's going so far. Once again the anti-imperial messaging is strong in this one and it does a fantastic job of making me angry in the ways it should. Very cool premise founded on a magic system that gets its power directly from the nuances of meaning that do not carry over in translation from one language to the other. I would recommend and also love to talk about it with people.

Alright! Think I'm a little late to the tagging game, so forgive me if you've already done it, but I don't think I've seen lists (but would love to if you'd like) from @goodbye-blue, @hopecomesbacktolife, @historyandqueershenanigans, @wordsinhaled (hi!), @chiron-crow, @merytsetesh, @ashes-of-chironides, and anyone else who wants to join in should consider themselves tagged! <3

[masterweaverx]

RWBY Parents from Best to Worst

That’s right, everybody, I’m a-going to rank how terrible these people are to and for their kids! For the sake of covering as many parents as I can, I am defining ‘parent’ as either ‘legal guardian’ or ‘the one that gave birth to you’, and excluding relationships that are explicitly something else. That does mean that we’re going to miss out on some very important people, though, so before we begin, let’s have some Honorable Mentions!

Yang Xiao Long and Winter Schnee: Professional Momsisters

“That’s why big sisters come first, to protect the ones that come after.” I don’t know who said that to these two, if anybody actually did, but it’s a quote that most definitely applies to them. Not only would they take a bullet (or a sword, or a fireball) for their younger siblings, they took the time out to give them affection and training that they needed when their own parents weren’t quite doing the job. If I absolutely had to rank one of them as the better momsister, I’d say Yang, but that’s really only because Yang had less to deal with overall; a depressed single dad not being able to pull himself together just doesn’t stack up with an abusive powermonger, a self-loathing drunkard, and all the institutional bigotry and pressure of Atlas. Plus, you know, Winter went into the military for a bit. Still, pretty good track record considering!

Klein Sieben: Doing the work of seven good dads

Look, there is only one reason Klein wasn’t listed before the momsisters, and that reason is that he is technically the hired help (and could therefore become the fired help). He is, hands down, a better surrogate parent than Yang and Winter, providing guidance and care to all the Schneeblings and very effectively undoing the damage Jacques Gele (HE DOES NOT GET TO BE CALLED SCHNEE!) did to them. And he even helped out Willow! If he was allowed to do more, he would absolutely be My Real Dad of the year.

Qrow Branwen: “The only one that gets to be sad in this house is me!”

Qrow has a lot of flaws. Like, so so many flaws. As Yang said in a noncanon spinoff, he’s cool but not exactly a role model. Thing is, you don’t have to be a role model to be a good parent--you just have to make sure your kids (or nieces in this case) get good advice and the opportunity to grow into the best versions of themselves they can be. And when Qrow’s not beating himself up or drowning his sorrows, he’s actually very good at helping Yang and Ruby. Honestly the only reason he’s not on the actual list is because he’s technically not a parent.

Uncle Copper: Adopting a blind kid automatically makes you cool

So here we have a character that appeared in a single flashback in the novels, but from what we do know he was pretty likely to be a good guy. Like, raising a blind kid is hard enough; raising a blind kid in a desert after their actual parents got nommed by sand is so, so much more difficult. And yet, this guy said ‘If nobody else is going to adopt this kid I will!’ and by all measures he was a very caring and loving guy. Also, shout-out to the tribe, who took Fox in after Copper got killed by some maniac (and also killed said maniac). Fox has had a rough life, but it’s been filled with supportive people. Not everyone can say that.

Starr Sanzang: She put up with Sun

Sure, she’s only had one scene in one novel, but Starr showed patience and caring and... probably did a lot to make sure Sun stays as aggressively cheery and patient as he is. Plus she’s got a dojo in Vacuo now... okay, I’ll be honest, I don’t know nearly enough about her to really assess her. Still, as far as cousins go, Sun Wukong could do a lot worse. And there are the implications of their motifs to factor in...

Rhodes: If you’d done even just a little bit more--!

So, reasonably, what would you do when you see a little girl enslaved with a shock collar? Would you (A) get the girl out of there, (B) arrest the woman doing it, (C) try to get the girl therapy, or (D) all of the above? If you picked (E) secretly train the girl in swordplay so she can join a huntsman academy when she comes of age, then congratulations! You’ve given her hope! Good for you! And what if she snaps after five years of literal torture, kills her abuser, and then turns to you for comfort and/or approval? Welp, obviously she’s an irredeemable criminal and you have to bring her in, crushing all the faith she had in you and herself.

Seriously Rhodes, dropped the ball hard on that one. I’m only mentioning you because you had such a serious impact on Cinder’s development.

Brother Gods: Creating and destroying entire species

Like, okay. Look. These are the two that made humanity, so an argument could be made that they’re humanity’s parents. But, by the strict and arbitrary rules I have selected, they aren’t parents. And even if they were, they would be just the worst sort of parents possible. Darkbro is bad enough, what with viewing only strength as valuable and creating the Grimm and, you know, annihilating humanity that one time, but he’s at least honest and honorable. Not like the cryptic Lightbro, who doesn’t bother making sure people understand him, who doesn’t even keep his own promises to his brother... I get that they’re basically overpowered children. Yeah, they are. Still... kinda terrible.

So, now that that’s all done, let’s get to the actual list! After the break, so you don’t get stuck scrolling a lot. RWBY parents, from best to worst, are as follows:

23. Saphron and Terra Cotta-Arc: Two moms are better than none!

If I’m rating all the parents, and I am, then I have to acknowledge their flaws. And... these two don’t have any! Okay, fine, they used Adrian in a criminal scheme that one time (and that was literally just asking him to cry on command) and maybe Terra’s overworked and, to be fair, parenting a young kid is a lot different than parenting a teenager. But not only did they support their kid, they helped out all the kids that needed to room with them for a while! Saphron may also qualify as a momsister, depending on how well the Arcs managed their massive-numbered horde of kids. Look, the point is: Excellent parents. Bam.

22. Yatsuhashi's Parents: Their slipups weren’t their fault

When your kid can wipe your memories and you don’t know about it, you’re bound to get a few mistakes down the line. Luckily for everyone, after the whole incident with Hiyoko Yatsu came clean, and his parents made absolutely sure that he understood (A) that having such an ability was a big responsibility and (B) that even though he really screwed up he was NOT evil. Given the man that Yatsuhashi is now, I’m pretty confident in calling them great parents--even if they only appeared in a book flashback.

21. Coco's Dad: He exists!

That’s... honestly all I really know about him. He’s mentioned once in the books, and Coco has a few brothers. I’m kind of just assuming he’s a good parent from that, even if he didn’t figure out how to help Coco with her claustrophobia. So... yeah, shrug, Coco’s got a dad.

20: Ghira and Kali Belladonna: Actually marvelous people

Loving. Caring. Mentoring, protective. You may be asking why these two aren’t lower on the list, given that they are absolutely great for Blake, and I’ll have to admit that they only really made one slipup--letting Adam talk with Blake.

And okay, look. The thing about people like Adam is that they don’t start out showing their true colors. It’s always a slow, gentle broil. Blake was young and stupid, Adam was cute and edgy, and these parents want their daughter to be happy. So not twigging on what Adam really was--or at least not being able to properly convince Blake--that’s entirely understandable. And they did instill her with a strong enough moral code to leave when enough was enough, and they absolutely welcomed her back with open arms. Frankly, if the lower-listing parents didn’t exist, I would happily say they are the best parents in the show.

19. Pietro Polendina: He took Penny’s death flags

When you carve out part of your literal soul to bring your girl back from the dead, you get MAJOR parenting props. And even beyond that, Pietro is an absolutely caring and supportive father to everyone’s favorite bundle of sunshine. Even when she’s put in the rough position she was in, Pietro did his best to help her out. His one big flaw, though, is being overprotective and a bit presumptive. He does want Penny to live her best life, but he also can be just a touch too quick to say he knows what’s best for her. To his credit, when he’s called out on it, he does mend his ways. And he’s at least better then the GENERAL...

18. Salem and Ozma: Good parents, surprisingly!

Sure, Salem decided that world conquest was a good idea and wanted to put down anybody that wasn’t directly from her bloodline. Sure, she psychologically manipulated her husband when he had doubts. And, being fair, it’s highly likely that her four daughters were killed in the crossfire of her and Ozma’s little tuff. But! That was likely an accident, she’s been shown to still clearly mourn their passing, and before that point she absolutely loved and adored the girls. Ozma gets points for being a generally good person who fell in love with her before she became unstable and, honestly, was just trying to help his girls escape... and hey, he blames himself for their deaths. As does Salem.

Just because they’re kind of directly responsible for a LOT of Remnant’s woes doesn’t mean they aren’t good parents!

17. Will and Meg Scarlatina: Estranged but loving...

Yes, I know Rooster Teeth hasn’t officially confirmed that Bill is Will. I still believe though! Also it makes for a great picture, in any case.

Look, you can be the best and most loving parents ever--and from what we saw in the novels Will was definitely loving--but if you split up, your kid is going to get a little stressed. And hey, it’s not like these two were terrible people! Velvet’s just got a lot going on because of things entirely out of her control. Parents are people too, but sometimes the stress of one situation will leak out into another. Just... give people time to adapt.

16. Nicholas Schnee: The man, the legend, the titan!

Nicholas Schnee is the rockstar success story of Remnant. Some guy from Mantle put in all the work to make the SDC, and honestly from what little we know about him he was probably a great guy! But if we’re registering parental goodness, well... he wasn’t quite smart enough to warn Willow away from abusive gold diggers, and he’s not present when the story starts. So, yeah, even if he was a good parent otherwise--and I think he would be--he kinda... didn’t put in the work to prevent Willow breaking later. Still. Not deliberately terrible!

15. Li and An Ren: Don’t die in front of your kids, folks!

Seriously, it traumatizes them, especially if there’s a Grimm assault going on at the same time. Oh, double-especially if you reassure them that everything will be fine literally the second before the roof collapses on your head. And... well, okay, you couldn’t help your son and some random girl being the only survivors...

In all seriousness, that whole situation was absolutely out of their control. And before their deaths they were shown to be loving, wise, giving good advice to Lie Ren and helping him understand what the right thing to do was. Honestly, if they hadn’t died in front of him he’d be a lot better, mentally speaking. His trauma is not their fault. Plus Li went out distracting the big Grimm so Lie could run. No greater love hath man, indeed.

14. Summer Rose: Loving mother, ticking trauma bomb

When she was around, Summer Rose was probably the best mom Yang and Ruby could ask for. Sure, everyone could be exaggerating a little on how great a person she was--fond memories and grief can do that--but even taking that into account, she was probably a great and wonderful woman to be raised by. And hey, it turns out the reason she vanished was to go confront basically the Devil Herself so her kids wouldn’t have to live in a world where she existed! I can totally get the logic behind that.

And to be fair, “I’m going to do this on my own so nobody else suffers” is a pretty common character flaw among the RWBY cast. There are entire arcs where each character learns to overcome it. Still, wandering off on your lonesome without telling anyone was not the smartest move, Summer. Especially if you expected to die--which, you know, Devil Herself, high probability. And you know, if you had died, that would be bad enough, but now Ruby’s practically certain to have to fight your grimmified self. At least she figured out what happened to you before Salem decided to hammer in the trauma button, so she’ll be a little more ready, but... seriously.

13. The Arc Parents: Look, you try juggling eight kids!

To be fair, neither Arc parent has appeared on screen, but we can derive some of their traits from their kids. Jaune’s father said women like confident men. Jaune’s mother said strangers are friends you haven’t met yet. Jaune’s sister moved out of the house and (it’s implied) was happier for it. Jaune himself took his family’s ancestral weapon and ran off to Beacon to become a hero without any training whatsoever....

I get the impression that these two are not horrible parents, but they aren’t really stellar ones either. They slip up, don’t understand their children, give some really bad advice (as well as really good advice), and... look, it’s kind of middle of the road here. The Arcs could be wonderful people that just weren’t ready for the complexities of raising eight kids. I come from a big family myself, I know it can be stressful. And their kids turned out well anyway, so...

12. The Mother of Pyrrha Nikos: You taught your girl too well

Hero complexes are funny things. And Pyrrha Nikos... in retrospect, she was really hiding a lot of insecurities under that facade. Laying it all at this woman’s feet is unfair, I’ll admit, a lot of that came from being The Mistral Champion. But... with stories and fairy tales of heroes, it’s not hard to imagine a genuinely loving mother making sure her daughter knew right from wrong, always knew to act with mercy and protect the weak, and made her hardline into being a hero at the cost of her own... sense of self. It wouldn’t even be something either of them noticed, really. Good people can make bad choices sometimes.

11: Ilia's Parents: Oh god, can good people make bad choices...

So the idea of getting Ilia up to Atlas for a better life, that rocks (if you assume the propaganda to be true). And I’m certain her parents absolutely did what they did out of love. But what they did, you see, was tell Ilia to hide a very important part of herself from anybody who could find out, since it was likely she would be kicked out of the school she was in if people found out she was a faunus.

Which actually, did a lot of damage.

I mean look at Ilia now! She has trouble expressing herself until she explodes, she follows a crowd instead of her own morals, she broke down in tears when she finally did the right thing... Conceal Don’t Feel is never good advice, and these two went on and said ‘Honey, because of racism, you have to hide the fact you literally change color when you have emotions.’ Oh, and then they died offscreen--again, not their fault, but boy howdy did it give Ilia a complex.

10. Taiyang Xiao Long: Slumped at just the wrong time

Honestly, Tai as he is now is a wonderful dad. Supportive of his daughters in their time of need, able to lift their mood with a tasteless joke or two, frankly if we were assessing just how they were in the moment... I’d still be a little critical of his refusal to talk about the girls’ mothers, but hey, that’s minor. Compared to, you know...

Okay, so this needs serious addressing. Taiyang cannot be blamed for falling into a depressive slump. People can hurt, and need time to heal. That said, his depressive slump is at the root of Yang’s many issues, and frankly if she hadn’t had to pull herself together for Ruby she would be a major mess. It’s a bad situation all round, even if it’s not his fault.

9. Willow Schnee: “Kids, don’t wind up like me.”

Drowning her sorrows isn’t the best way to handle being stuck in an abusive marriage, but it was the best way Willow could think of. And, yeah, that really cut into her skills as a mom... but despite that, she did her darnedest to make sure her kids had what they needed to free themselves. Heck, once Jacques was out of the picture, she even pulled herself together and risked her life to save them! A broken women, to be sure, but not a shattered one.

8. Neptune's Mother: She exists!

Being fair, there’s not a lot to go on here. We know Neptune’s mother is a lawyer (insert evil lawyer joke), that their family are famous swimmers, and that his brother caused his hydrophobia by tossing him into the water. It does paint a bit of a picture, though, of everyone having expectations for Neptune that he was not able to live up to. Pretty poor parenting, if it’s true.

7. Nora Valkyrie's Mom: Come get your girl!

Literally the only factoid we have about Mama Valkyrie is that she abandoned her to the Grimm. We don’t know when this was, and it’s feasible it’s a case of ‘Oh No I Lost Track Of My Daughter In The Panic!’ But given we see young Nora scavenging for scraps of food... I’m not optimistic on her parenting skills.

6. Raven Branwen: "I wasn’t part of your life, how could I ruin it?”

Raven is just not a good mom at all. And, surprisingly, she seems to know it. Or that’s one interpretation of her character. The thing about Raven is that she plays her cards close to chest. We still don’t know why she left her daughter, and we only have inklings about the reasoning behind her behavior once they reunited. In the end, though... she did concede to Yang, she did apologize for something, and there’s a very deliberate indication that a lot of her behavior is a mask to both others and herself. So, terrible mother, for the moment, but self-aware.

5. Salem's Father: Explicitly noted as cruel

We get a bit more about Salem’s father from ‘Fairy Tales Of Remnant’, how he became possessive of the last remnant of his wife and locked her away in a tower. From what we know of him, that’s all he did--lock her away and not let her go. Still makes him a terrible dad. And with this, we transition firmly into the most definitively abusive parent figures. Everyone before this might have the excuse of not realizing what was going on or having their own damage, but now we’ve got parents actively deciding to make their kids’ lives worse.

4. Jacques Gelé: HE DOES NOT GET TO BE CALLED SCHNEE!

His children are property, to be manipulated and traded for the benefit of the company he married into, and any defiance is to be quelled instantly. He is manipulative, scheming, abusive, and frankly the worst sort of scumbag to ever wear a white suit. He does have the single redeeming quality of only leaning into the punishment if it benefits him; nobody would ever accuse the man of being needlessly cruel. His name is Jacques, and you will hate him... especially on the rare occasions he actually has a point.

3. The Marigolds: There’s no peppy tagline, they’re just mean

There’s not a picture of these jerks on the wiki, so you’ll have to make do with the woman that is no longer their daughter. See all that empty space around her? That’s about as close as they ever got. May spells out how much they hated her for having a heart, and how little they cared about her as a person, in one epic line. And even if they have other redeeming qualities (unlikely) we can tell they’d probably still be terrible parents because of how sleazy May’s cousin is. Honestly, for once I’m glad some characters don’t get pictures. They don’t deserve to be remembered. They aren’t even the cool kind of evil, they’re just... gross.

2. Marcus Black: Look if you train your kid to be a killer...

...you’re going to have to expect them to kill you. I mean, you basically ripped apart Mercury’s legs, man. He had to get cyberlegs. Also, you used your semblance to steal his. Which, given that semblances come from aura, and that aura is a manifestation of the soul, is kinda... that’s a deeply personal and intimate violation. Sure, you got your assassin kid. And can we talk about the fact that Marcus was an assassin? It’s not a pretty job. I guess I can see all the abuse--physical and mental--as a good way to train up another assassin, but... geeze, if that’s your goal, why did you use your own kid?! Why not hire some angsty teenager?! Yeah, no, Markus Black stood high on my list of parental monsters... and was only toppled by the arrival of one other.

1. Madame of the Glass Unicorn: She only appeared in one episode and she rocketed to the top of this list, that should tell you something

Let’s be clear here: What Madame did to Cinder is bad enough. It was literally slavery. Enforced by a shock collar. And because the collar looked like a necklace, she pulled it off in front of I don’t know how many clients. Granted, said clients were racists, why else would they be customers at a ‘We Do Not Serve Faunus’ hotel, but keeping her torture just out of the public eye very clearly shows both that she knew what she was doing was illegal and that she was clever enough to avoid detection.

Oh... and then there are her birth daughters.

With Cinder, she was abusive to a dangerous degree. With her daughters, she was permissive, not only allowing but encouraging them to bully their adoptive sister. The whole point of parenthood is to teach your children how to become the best version of themselves, but Madame didn’t even bother to instill a semblance of morality in these girls. She used them as extensions of her will, and they obliviously played along because that was all they knew.

You’d think the biggest monster on the show would be the Grimm woman, but no--it’s some random lady with a hotel.

[christinaroseandrews]

Best Books We Reviewed in 2020

Despite being the year from hell, 2020 was a good reading year for us. Especially Lark.

Here are the Best of the Best from 2020. And because we reviewed so many good books this year and got into a major argument over who was going to have their books off the list, you get 10 -- count them -- 10 really fucking awesome books that we read this year. (And let me tell you it was even a fight to get it down to 10.)

So here we go... our top 10!

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10. Project Duchess by Sabrina Jeffries

I first read this book as part of my lockdown reading spree this year. And let me tell you, it kindled a “I must read lots of regency romance” in me. I really love that the heroine is not fresh from the schoolroom. I liked the hint of mystery running through this. And the banter is fabulous. It’s a great book that I’m happy to recommend.

If you want to see what we said, you can read our review here!

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9. After Hours by Lynda Aicher

There’s hot and then there’s the boardroom. This is steamy. sensual, sexy and a whole lot of other smouldering “s” words. LOL.  Frankly this is what 50 Shades of Grey wishes it could be.

If you want well-written erotic romance, then this is for you!

Check out our review of it here!

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8. The Fabric of Civilization by Virginia Postrel

Look, I get it. Non-fiction can often be dry and dull. I mean, who thought that a comprehensive multi-disciplinary look back on the history of textiles could be so engaging? But it is. It really is. It also includes experts who aren’t white men and women and those who come from the countries in question. It’s inclusive and not European-centric like many history books.

It’s a really fascinating read.

Want to know why we liked it so much? Read our review here!

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7. The Galactic Pantheon Novellas by Alyce Caswell

I didn’t know I needed a collection of Novellas featuring LBGTQIA+ gods until I read this book. But I did, oh how I did. The stories are great. The characters are great. The universe makes sense. And the sex is steamy.

I really loved this collection of novellas. I really really did.

If you want to see what we said, you can read our review here!

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6. Falling for Her Brother’s Best Friend by Noelle Adams

Sometimes I want something sweet and fluffy, and back during the early days of the pandemic, this really fit the bill. I loved the characters, the teashop, the friendships, the small town feel, the everything. In fact, I liked this so much that I’ve made the sequel my first read of 2021!

Want to know why we liked it? Read our review here!

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5. The Baroness Affair by Jean Wilde

Both of us love equal triads -- absolutely adore them. And The Baroness Affair is a great example of how sexual compatibility, romantic compatibility, and true love aren’t always directly linked... but with creative thinking, you can find solutions anyway. It’s great to see a queer relationship treated both well and realistically in a historical romance. Plus, the smut was hot. And the characters are awesome.

Check out our review here!

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4. Dramacon by Svetlana Chmakova

This manga was pure nostalgia glasses for me. It perfectly captured the anime con scene of the early 2000s. Like I swear that one of the people in the book was me. LOL. The art is beautiful and the romance totally believable. If you like very fandom meta romance, this is totally for you. It’s so good!

Check out our review here!

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3. Loving Maddie from A to Z by Kelly Jamieson

This was flat out the hottest book I read this year, including a triad, dominance/submission, and friends-to-lovers. (And communication!) The characters, the relationship, the setting -- everything about it was great, including the use of (and proper reaction to) safewords. I loved Maddie, I loved Aiden, I loved Zach, and I absolutely adored them as a triad. This is a book I intend to come back to again.

Want to know the details? Read our review here!

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2. Actually, the Comma Goes Here by Lucy Cripps

As an editor, my bread and butter is copy editing. Like straight up. And to do that, it’s imperative that you have a good handle on the technical side. The problem, each style guide is different. And the rules, especially for punctuation, seem arbitrary. (Ask me about the Oxford Comma some time) this book spells out How and Why to use certain punctuation marks. It goes into the history and helps you deal with the pendants.

I’ve already reread this book this year. It’s seriously a fabulous and entertaining guide.

This was our favorite nonfiction of the year -- to find out why, go here!

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1. How to Start a Scandal by Madeline Martin

This was a surprise find for me this year. A hero with believable PTSD. A plus-size heroine who is awesome and sexy. A cute cat. Cute kids. And lots of drama of all sorts. But also warmth and heart and comedy. This book gave me such a happy that I lobbied hard for it to be the best of this year. It’s so good. And it’s super under appreciated.

Want to know why this was our favorite? You can find out here!

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So that’s our top ten!

And honestly, ten wasn’t easy -- we easily could have put 15 or 20 books on this list.

Curious about our other reviews? Check out our blog, and you can see the best books posts for 2017, 2018, and 2019.

We hope 2021 is a great year of reading for everyone!

Enjoy our reviews?  Buy us a coffee!

[yandere-daydreams]

A Yandere!Takuto Maruki/Reader commission for the very lovely, very patient @furudolove for Persona 5 Royal. I’ve never played a Persona game and I don’t plan to, but I can hope I got the majority of Maruki’s character, in this. He’d so idyllic, and so delusional... He’d make a wonderful Yandere, if I knew a little more about the series. 

Word Count: 3.0k

TW: Imprisonment, Emotional Manipulation, Gaslighting, and Isolation. 

You could feel every detail of the cot underneath you.

It would’ve been impossible not to. Prominent, pointed springs poked through the thin mattress and prodded at your back, biting into your arms, your legs, any patch of open skin they could find and force themselves into without objection. You took it in, for a moment, your body too sore and your mind too drained to do anything but lay back and let the chilled air wash over you, too cold to be natural, too sterile. When you opened your eyes, you did so reluctantly, but there was nothing to ease your anxiety. Above you was a plain, tiled ceiling, glowing with an artificial light you couldn’t quite name the source of, not unlike the lamp you might place above the cage of a reptile, and the rest of the room seemed to fall into place as your eyes found it, a desk and a pair of chairs coming into existence as you struggled to comprehend the world you’d fallen into. They were white and unmarked, your bed bolted to a floor speckled with grey dots. Like the presidential suite of a freshly renovated asylum.

You weren’t certain where you were, but you were sure you’d never been here before.

And you knew you didn’t want to be any longer than you had to.

Slowly, you pushed yourself up, your back aching under the strain, protesting any slight shift, as if you’d fallen too far and landed too suddenly. A similar pain was quick to make itself known in the back of your head, and thoughtlessly, you brought up a hand to try and soothe the knots of pressure tying themselves in the back of your skull. You hissed as your fingertips made contact with the worst spot, the area tender, bruised, but you didn’t have much time to investigate.

As soon as you’d begun to examine the area in earnest, there was a hand around your wrist, pulling your arm away gently and hesitating to release it when you failed to resist. Your attention turned to the man now standing above you, and suddenly, you were startlingly aware of just how muddled your mind had become, how difficult it was to formulate any thought beyond general observations about your current predicament. His features, although vaguely familiar, were blurry, unfocused, and you couldn’t bring yourself to try to put a name to his face. You didn’t have to, though, not when his voice was more than enough to identify him.

“You shouldn’t push yourself,” Your counselor, Takuto Maruki, explained. “I’d hate to see you hurt yourself this early on.”

You opened your mouth, but he was quick to hush you, letting your hand fall into your lap and repositioning himself, smiling as he lowered himself to your height. It was all you could do to stare in his direction, a million questions playing on your tongue, the least indescribable of which had to do with his attire, suddenly too formal, and the grin he was barely trying to conceal, wide and welcoming, only broadening at the slightest hints of your acknowledgment. “I know this seems strange,” He began, his speech rehearsed, as if he’d been preparing it while you were unconscious. “But there’s no reason to be afraid, anymore. You’re in a better place, now, a better reality, one where you can be what you’ve been trying so hard to be, with my help.”

“I don’t understand,” You whispered, drawing your knees to your chest, your voice smaller than you’d like it to be. The creak of the ancient bedframe threatened to drown it out. “I can’t… You want me to change?”

“I want you to be what you’ve always wanted to be.” This time, when he took your hand, he held it close to his chest, a wide, self-satisfied smile spreading across Maruki’s lips. As if he couldn’t be more proud, and expected you to be just as exultant. “You’re in so much pain as you are, (Y/n). I want to take that away. I’ll satisfy your desires, make you the person you want to be. Assertive, brave, confident.” He paused, squeezing your hand a little too tightly for the gesture to go unnoticed. “We’ll rule this place together. You’ll have everything you’ve ever wanted, and I’ll have you by my side. We’ll be happy.”

You blinked, once, twice, your gaze flickering from your knees, to the ground, to Maruki’s face, still alight with anticipation as he waited for your answer. You could only think to say the obvious.

“I’m sorry, but… I’d rather not.”

~

Maruki visited twice a day.

Or, it felt like twice a day, at least. It was difficult to tell, when the sky outside your windows was always dark and the lights were always on, remaining bright and untouched regardless of how many times you threw your few, meager possessions towards the unfaltering ceiling. You were given books to occupy yourself with, games and consoles to play them on, but the hours were long and he seemed to be the only company you were allowed. You were tempted to complain, but it was difficult to find your voice, when he was around. When anyone was around, really, but you tried not to think about that. Not when there were so many other things to keep your concern yourself with.

For example, the location of your prison, relative to the world you should be a part of. And, preferably, how you got back to the latter of the two.

When you asked, you didn’t dare think. You swallowed your nerves and spit out the words, keeping your eyes narrowed on the pad of lined paper in front of you. Maruki had handed it over the moment you expressed an interest in the object, but you had yet to decipher its contents. To you, it just seemed like a list of names, only a handful of which you recognized. “Where am I?”

“It’s complicated,” He answered, automatically. As if he’d expected you to ask this question sooner. “It’s… It’s my perfect reality. One where everyone can be exactly what they want to be, and have everything they long for. There’s more of it than-” He motioned vaguely around the room, clearly unimpressed with its contents. You couldn’t say you blamed him. “-this, but I didn’t want to smother you. I know how overwhelmed you can get, sometimes.”

“I’m working on that,” You mumbled, immediately longing to take it back. If anyone knew what you were working on, it was Maruki, the man who you considered to be one of your closest confidants less than a week ago. He was a kind man, and you’d trusted him… You still trusted him, honestly. It was impossible to stop, once you’d already allowed yourself to open up. “And there’s no way out of… ‘your reality’, is there? Without your help, I mean.”

Maruki took offense to that. He’d been seated at your desk, for the duration of this visit, maintaining a professional distance, but he stood when you brought up the topic of leaving. You heard a sigh as soft, measured footsteps made their way to your side. He hadn’t tried to close the distance between you two since you first woke up. Rather, he slid onto the end of your bed, his back coming to rest against the barred footboard, his legs left to intermingle with yours in the space between. It felt intimate, and as if by instinct, you were against it. “I don’t want you to feel like your a prisoner--”

“I am a prisoner,” You interrupted. “I can’t leave, so I’m a prisoner.”

“You’re a guest.” He sounded disappointed, but firm, his eyes flickering over your face and attempting to meet yours. You looked away, once again attempting to focus on his many, nonsensical lists. “I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted to make you happy. I can make people different, here, and I can make you different.” He finished with a bright, broad smile, only realizing his mistake a moment after your hurt became palpable. “Wait, that’s not what I - You won’t be different. You’ll be what you’re meant to be.” He leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees, beaming forward like there was nowhere in the world he’d rather be. “Nothing about you will change. If anything, you’ll be more you than you are now. Everyone here is. I can show you around, if you let me help you.”

“If I let you control me.” He opened his mouth, ready to provide another repetitive rebuttal, but you didn’t let him, biting the inside of your cheek as you fought to continue. “That’s what it is, right? You know I won’t fight, not once you’ve got me trapped in your little, perfect daydream. The only thing I can’t think of is why you don’t just-” You waved a hand in some vague, arbitrary gesture, attempting to vent your frustration physically. The effects were minimal, at best. “-do it, already. If this was really your reality, you wouldn’t keep asking for my consent.”

“It has to be your choice.” The declaration wasn’t triumphant, or altruistic, or anything less than pained. As if it hurt him to admit it. “I know you need to make progress. You want this to be your accomplishment, and I’m not going to take that away from you. I want you to be proud, (Y/n), I do, but I can help. This can be our achievement. I can make it so--”

“So I forget I hate myself?” Before you knew it, you were on your feet, your fists clenched at your sides and your vision red. You were angry. There wasn’t a point in denying it, why would you? He was the only person you’d spoken too in weeks, and it wasn’t like there was much to discuss. You had no one to protect your reputation from, and you refused to strive to prove yourself to Maruki. He didn’t deserve that. Regardless of how badly he wanted to try to act like he did, he didn’t. You were sure of that.

You had to be sure of that.

“I don’t want to be some brainwashed doll you can tow around as a shining example of how wonderful your fucked-up therapy is. I’m not who you want me to be, I’m not who I want me to be, I’m me. I have to be the one to deal with that, even if I have to do it on my own. There’s no quick-fix, or magic solution, or ‘cognitive wrap’, whatever you’ve been calling it. That’s not what I need.” You gasped, if only to stop yourself from losing your temper. You’d started to pace without realizing it, and when you came to a stop, you were facing one of the dull, white walls. It was fitting, you guessed. You didn’t want to see his response, not right away. “Remember the first time we met? When I went to you for advice?

His reply was delayed. It came with a soft exhale, ragged, but tamer than yours. Nostalgic, even. “You shook like a leaf. How could I forget?”

“I was terrified,” You admitted, letting a fraction of the tension in your body dissolve. “I was in a bad place, and it took me days to scrape up the courage to tell someone about it. If you’d made your offer then…” You let out a sad, breathy laugh, the sound as humorless as it was dry. “You said I had to believe I could make progress before I relied on anyone else. That’s what I’m doing. You can’t guilt me for following your advice.”

There was a beat of silence, a moment where you genuinely could’ve thought he’d begun to understand. Then, Maruki opened his mouth, and you were snapped out of that fantasy as abruptly as you’d been thrown into it. “I loved you back then, too. As much as I do now. If I could’ve done anything to end your suffering, I would’ve.”

You didn’t hesitate, your voice just loud enough for him to hear. “I think you should leave.”

“(Y/n), I--”

“Please, Takuto,” You interrupted, your nails beginning to dig into your palms. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

There was a huff. A sigh. But, you didn’t look over your shoulder until the metal-plated door had swung shut, a lock clicking into place from the other side, leaving you more alone than you had been before he made his daily visit.

For whatever reason, you had a feeling you wouldn’t be getting a second, that day.

~

Isolation was a tenuous thing.

You couldn’t keep track of time. Not here, not in this room, not when the sky never changed color and you never really felt hungry or thirsty or much of anything at all, if it didn’t have to do with Maruki and his ‘perfect world’. But, after your first real argument, Maruki had stayed away long enough to make his absence known, rather than just a particularly long lapse between tense encounters. It might’ve been a day, a week, a month, but you didn’t care about the specifics.

It was long enough to make you miss him. You supposed that was all that mattered.

There was a unique intimacy in the hand he rested on the center of your back, the steady fingers of a practiced professional rubbing slow, deliberate circles into the space just below your shoulder-blade. He hadn’t gotten this close before. He could’ve, you wouldn’t have had the courage to stop him, but after so much time spent alone with your own thoughts, this was the first time you truly embraced his presence by your side, his knee almost touching yours. Anything to make it feel like you weren’t trapped inside your own head.

He allowed you to sit in silence for a moment or two, your face buried in your palms and your legs crossed, keeping you perched on the edge of the bed, allowing you to wallow in your own self-pity and a fraction of his, too. Maruki didn’t seem to mind. He smiled, the expression nothing short of nurturing, pushing you a little close to the cliffside between you and the flawless, guilt-ridden submission he so very much to shove you towards. The way he spoke wasn’t any better, just as kind. As sickeningly tender as the rest of his facade. “I pushed you too far,” He admitted, a half-hearted laugh lacing the edges of his confession. “Too much ground to cover, never enough time. I should’ve let you think.”

You sighed, the sound desolate, miserable. A poor imitation of something that should’ve brought relief. “It’s not… It’s not just that. I’d never really adjust to…” You trailed off, swinging your legs over the cot’s side, kicking idly at the well-scoffed tiles. “...Whatever this is. Maybe you should work on that. Make a Visitor’s Center for your next abductee.”

“I’ll make you the host,” He added, prodding your side with an elbow. “My offer still stands, if you’ve changed your mind.”

You leaned against him. You leaned against him, and you rested your head on his shoulder and you let out another labored, languid sigh, somehow more sorrowful than your last. “I think you know what I’m going to say, Takuto.”

His collected grin pressed against the top of your head as he pushed a kiss into your scalp, a gentle hand coming up to draw you into a one-sided hug. You allowed it, indulged it, even, smiling up at him as he pulled away. Maruki took his time standing, stretching idly and holding out a single hand, letting something long and golden appear in his palm, a staff that tapered off into a sharpened point on one end, and sprouted into a shining, petaled star on the other. You were shocked for a moment, both by the gaudiness of the object and how wrong it seemed in Maruki’s hand, but you didn’t have much time to linger on the new addition. Not when he was so quick to draw your attention away.

“I think I’m too nice to you,” He started, still facing the furthest wall. “That’s the common factor. I get ahead of myself, and then I try to make it up to you with time and understanding and all the things I assume you’ll want. That just makes you hostile, though. I’ll try something different, next time. Something less… personal. On my end, at least.”

There were a dozen things you could’ve said. Accusations, questions, everything in between and a handful of options you hadn’t thought of, yet. But, as soon as you opened your mouth, your eyes were closing, your body collapsing and a supreme sense of exhaustion washing over you, traveling hand in hand with dizziness and every other sensation that could’ve urged you to sleep. Every other tortuous thing Maruki could’ve forced onto your mind to bend you to his whim.

You felt yourself fall to the floor just as your vision went black.

~

You woke up on a cot that squeaked when you moved.

It was an awful noise, rusted out and worn down, and it only got worse as you forced your body to move, pushing yourself into a more respectable position with arms that didn’t want to cooperate. They ached, argued, screamed, and you had a feeling they would creak too, if they could. The room around you was blurry, blurry and smudged and alien, and you realized rather numbly that you didn’t know where you were.

You realized you didn’t know where you were, and alarmingly, you realized you didn’t care.

You didn’t have to. There was already a familiar face at your side, one hand clamped around your bicep and the other resting on your shoulder, holding you up when you failed to do so yourself. It was your counselor, Takuto Maruki, smiling as brightly as ever.

“I have an offer for you,” He said, once you’d regained your balance. “One I have a feeling you’ll like.”

Without thinking, you found yourself nodding along.

[tora-the-cat]

Phantom Troupe Members in order of who I'd be least to most upset to see die

No one asked for it but I just want to be clear on my opinions on the phantom troupe and no one’s been able to stop me yet <3

Disclaimers:

a. if you like these characters then yes I think thats objectively funny but like. it doesn't make you a bad person, cringe culture dead, like what you like, I'm just someone on the internet, etc etc. go ahead and leave angry rants/dissmissive insults/'umm actually's/etc etc for me to not read anyway tho <3

b. I refuse to look up anything about them, including their names, because I don't care enough. And also because I'm going to spell their names from memory and then laugh when people correct me. So, like, know that I'm not messing up any of the names on purpose, and might not mess them up at all, but I'm not doing a joke or anything with the spelling I just really care that little

c. Also!! Mild manga spoilers?? idk why you would care because it's literally just about the phantom troupe but if that bothers u for some reason then goodbye have a nice day <3 this WILL spoil deaths that I'm pretty sure happened. Maybe. No I haven't read the manga I have ADHD and haven't properly hyperfixated on HxH since I was 13 and didn't know what Manga was.

d. I lied through my teeth! I'm a Gemini bitch, if someone somehow actually cares enough about my correct opinions about the goddamned phantom troupe to leave a mean comment I'm absolutely going to read it.e. also if u actually somehow want to talk about the phantom troupe in a civil way (excluding H*soka) PLEASE hit me up. I don't know if reasonable Phantom Troupe stans exisit but I assume they do and I promise I'm funny and nice and surprisingly conflict avoidant and I'd honestly luv 2 study u. I'm not mean the worst I'll do is ghost u I'm an Aquarius mars I swear <3

Hisoka. I hate this clown man so fucking much. Like he has funny moments I guess but it doesn't make up for how uncomfortable I am every time I see him. The rest of this list will be funnier because the rest of them are funny and obviously shiny plot devices and not much else, but the fact that this clown man is alive makes me so angry. Also there'd be no entertainment value left here after the emotional exhaustion I'd have complaining about Illumi and also I forgot he joined until just now, so I'm grouping these bitches together and moving on.

Chrolo Lucifer: this man is so funny purely on a fandom level. Like he has half the personality of a stale potato chip, but he's hot and does atrocities and pretends to have thoughts so he lives in everyone's head rent free any way. Not me tho because I'm sexy and cool. Anyway I want him dead purely because the reactions would be hilarious (on BOTH sides to be clear, because people celebrating his death would be almost as funny as people mourning it), it's what Kurapika and the Kurta's deserve, and there's literally no reason for him to exist other then to eventually die.

sphinx: he's just. really annoying. I can't back this up because I don't remember anything he does I just remember thinking he was annoying.

nobabunga: He was mean to the boys!!!!! It's a death sentence those are just the facts. He cried and I gave a nice good chuckle. I want him 2 die then never get mentioned again until Illumi offhandedly mentions that he's Kikyo's brother or cousin or somehting so Kalluto can inherit his swords. Not because they should use them just because I think Kalluto deserves swords and also it would inspire a wave of people caring about Nobaunga WAY too much (one group hating him on principal for being a member of the Zoldyk family, one group deciding he's a Big Brother Icon and reimagining him having a cute and hillariously out of character relationship with Illumi/Kalluto/Killua/Gon, and a mix of the two pumping out psycology breakdowns with entirely too much time and effort put into them, none of which I will watch but each of which will add a week onto my lifetime out of the pure amused euphoria of knowing they exist).

Franklin: Boring. He's in the phantom troupe he can do better then overplayed-frankenstein-aesthetic and bullet fingers. uninspired. At least everyone else sucks in an interesting way.

Uvo: I can't lie his fight scenes were actually pretty dope, and I HAVE to admit that it is HILARIOUS just how much work Togashi put into overpowering/hyping up Uvo, specifically so he could have an established baseline for exactly how incomprehensibly and overwhelmingly excessive Kurapika's will and hatred is. Also that demi lavato AMV of his and Kurapika's fight is just free dopamine. Glad he's dead but he was funny while it lasted and I can appriciate what he gave to the story.

boxing gloves. I know nothing about them (including their name). They might already be dead in the manga but I don't think so.

Pakunda. I don't know how to elaborate on her bc I don't care about her all that much but some part of me can't help but kind of like her a little? I dunno. her loyalty would almost be commendable if it wasn't to Chr*llo.

Pheiten. his character concept and design is literally 'what if we combined Levi and Aizawa and then made him super fucked up' which is impressive because he was made like two decades before either of them. can't justify putting him this far up the list either because he's honestly kinda boring and overplayed but he looks cool and he's funny in a 'what the fuck is wrong with you??' way so here he is.

Kortopi. No I won't elaborate. Yes I know they're dead and I have no significant emotions about this besides >:I

Shizuku. She's cute and she has ADHD and plinky(?) the vaccum is one my favorite nen-things in the show. I'd love to study her and I honestly like her a bit more then I want to.

Machi. I love her specifically because she hates Hisoka. That's all she needs to get a pass in my book. doesn't hurt that she has pink hair and the closest thing to resembling common sense in the group. If Hisoka kills her I'll riot because she doesn't deserve that but if anyone else does it that's fine.

shalnark should be the leader of the Spiders, there, I said it. he embodies them and their narritive purpose and their nonexistant philosophy and arbitrary but unshakable rules and their faux 'emotional depth and complexity' that so many people buy into. He's so funny I love him so much. Like cholo is out here trying to double major in philosophy and theology and fooling thousands into thinking theres a single thought in his head meanwhile Shalnark's only personality trait is being a buisness major with no empathy, and if he was in charge the phantom troupe would loose all of the ambiguity people somehow beleive they have. Like Shalnark is played so straight that I can't help but lowkey love him. Kurta theory is fun in a fucked up way like tfw u become emblamatic of the group you helped kill your clan and you didn't even know because you live in meteor city. Yes I know he's dead and yes it's the closest I've ever come to caring about the troupe and yes it took me three whole days to get over it. Not my best moment I'll admit.

For the record if Kalluto dies I'm going to have at least one mental breakdown. Fuck you.

[polyadvice]

What are some of Zinnia's opinions?

Hello! I see tons of asks about advise and now I'm actually wondering what are some of your opinions about the whole community? I'd like to know more about the lovely creator of this amazing blog❤️ :)

This reads to me like “please, sir, could I have some discourse?” but I, like most humans, adore being asked for my opinion, especially if it comes with some flattery, so here ya go, some Zinnia Opinions, RIP my inbox:

I think more, if not all, of us should be in therapy! I think working on our own issues and patterns is critical for healthy relationships, whether you’re polyamorous or monogamous. I think we as a culture should be fighting for more accessible mental healthcare, and one of the best things we can do for our people is help them find therapy that is helpful and affordable for them.

I miss the word '‘poly.” I fully understand why we are making a shift to polyam, and I would never put my linguistic comfort over someone else’s very real cultural hurts and needs, but I find “polyam” clunky and it makes me sad that we are facing this namespace collision right now.

I think “ground rules” and “boundaries” are incredibly misunderstood and mis-used in polyamory. I’ve almost never seen “ground rules” work out well - they’re often arbitrary, lead to unnecessary ‘betrayals,’ and let people hide behind them to avoid actually interrogating their true feelings and needs. And people need to realize that “setting a boundary” does not obligate everyone to do what you say or else they’re toxic abusers.

I think we need to do a better job with our language. I’ve written about this before, and I stand by it. I especially think we need to be very careful about words like “abuse” and “trauma,” because they really do mean things beyond ‘made me feel bad.’ I strongly recommend Sarah Schulman’s book Conflict is not Abuse as an in-depth discussion of this and think it belongs on any standard polyam reading list.

I don’t think polyamory is a better, more enlightened or truer way to be in relationship. I disagree with Dan Savage and the Sex At Dawn crowd that all humans are ‘naturally’ non-monogamous and therefore polyamory or monogamy are just personal choices anyone can make freely. Some people are better served by monogamous relationships, and polyam people need to stop evangelizing polyamory as a one-size-fits-all solution to existing problems.

That said, I think monogamy culture is pretty destructive. When practiced with intentionality and as meets the needs of the individuals in the relationship, monogamy can be plenty healthy! But I have seen so much abuse in the name of monogamy, of possessiveness, of jealousy; damage done out of fear of cheating; repression and rejection and violence - we need to better understand and interrogate the social, political, economic, religious, and sexual power structures that drive our assumptions around monogamy.

I wish we had better pride colors and/or full ownership of the infinity heart. I love symbols! I would love to be able to wear my polyam pride on my sleeve, but tons of mono people use the infinity heart to just mean “endless love,” which makes it a pretty diluted symbol, and the pride colors are not great.

I think more polyam families should become foster parents. I think more people should, honestly; but being polyam gives you an advantage in that you have more adults to help out, and most of us have already done a lot of self-work around healthy emotional management and communication styles, which is critical for foster parents. It’s not always easy to get certified as an “unconventional” family, but it is doable, and we should be doing it!

My polyamory is queer. Not all polyamory is queer, but I truly believe that polyamory can be queer, when it is a ‘queering’ of the dominant monogamous culture, a re-understanding of relationships, an individual reclamation and rejection of culturally imposed assumptions, and love as “praxis” that challenges economic, political, and sexual systems of dominance.

Polyam people need to make a lot more space for relationship anarchy in the conversation. Related to my opinion that not all polyamory is queer, but polyamory can be a queering of relationships. It’s sad to me that so many people think polyamory is only about sexual-romantic relationships, and often looks in practice a lot like monogamy culture just with more people, where the sexual-romantic relationships are prioritized in terms of values, commitment, finances, etc. Polyamory can be an invitation to re-understand relationships in a whole new way. Who say that the people we have great sex with have to be the people we live with have to be the people we co-parent with? Let’s make our own way, friends.

I think “best case scenario” daydreaming is an under-utilized tool in polyamorous relationships. Thinking through what you really want, having words for the feelings you want to have, understanding what you want your day to day life to look like - this is so helpful! We should all have a clear picture of where we’re headed, what our goals are, and what our deal-makers and deal-breakers are. I don’t know why so few people are able to really articulate what they want out of their relationships - grab a journal, or a questionnaire, or a boring work meeting, and dig in!

I think people should make my life easier when writing in to this blog. People should check my FAQ, not send me thousand-word letters that don’t include a clear question, and not do these other things. I also think it would be super swell if people contributed to my Patreon!

There we go; some of my most strongly held opinions about polyamory. I have many other opinions, like:

People should stop assigning moral value to food and eating habits and drop the food-negative fear-of-calories nonsense; diet culture is absolute bullshit, and the concern-trolling about fat bodies is cruel, disingenuous, and needs to die.

Caffeine is an addictive drug and we are way too relaxed about young children becoming dependent on it to the detriment of their sleep health.

Being critical or ironic about something does not make you smarter, more mature, or better than someone who earnestly enjoys it.

Genetic connections do not a ‘family’ make, and no one is obligated to stay connected to someone who isn’t healthy for them just because they are ‘related.' And if you are deeply connected to someone whose connection to you isn’t recognized by monogamy-culture - like a kid who isn’t genetically related, or a life partner you aren’t romantic-sexual with, that’s great! Ignore the haters.

Movie theatre popcorn is always better than anything you can make at home, and is always worth the $7 it costs at the theatre. Drinks and candy, you should smuggle in.

If someone isn’t drinking, people should leave that alone and not harass, pester, or tease them about it.

Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” music video is not cultural appropriation, because she brings in people who are skilled in those dances to perform them well, and the point of the video is that she can’t do what they do and is just being herself alongside performers she is sharing her stage with. Cultural appropriate is a real issue in pop music (and everywhere else) but I think that video is absolutely not an example of it and don’t understand why it’s constantly used as one.

Alcohol is a lot more dangerous and addictive than marijuana and the reasons it’s legal and socially acceptable are racist and classist and are not based in reality.

Tumblr and Instagram should do more (that is, literally anything) to fight pro-eating-disorder content on their platforms.

No one should feed me food with tomatoes in it, ever, ever, ever! (And I don’t want to hear about how I haven’t had a “real, good” tomato - those ones taste worse because they taste more like tomatoes!)

[prahlrus]

dnd feelings

i’m going to talk about my dnd feelings at some length until perhaps it will become clear why i’m working on the dnd homebrew project that i am.

this post has become extremely long, so i’m hiding most of it below.

on 4/20 (no relation) of 2016, i tweeted, apropo of encountering The Fantasy Trip for the first time: 

i think The Fantasy Trip is more or less the game i imagined DnD was before i ever actually encountered its rules

before i explain that, let me give a little bit of context.

context: TFT was the ultimate precursor to GURPS, the tabletop rpg that loomed large over my high school years and still occupies a place in my heart. if you want to read more about it, here’s a dedicated fansite and here’s a review by a longtime player.

personal context: my first edition of dnd was 3E, and when i opened the book i remember seeing that first chapter on abilities and thinking to myself “oh, that makes sense, the game probably has some set of mechanical abilities that represent the different things different characters can do and the game is about combining those in different ways to make the character you want.” then i read about how, in dnd, ‘ability’ meant ‘ability scores,’ of which there were only six and everyone had them.

in contrast, when i, fifteen years later, opened TFT, i was confronted by exactly that: a set of completely modular mechanics that characters can have, and a very minimal set of rules for combining them. it was a moment of great healing.

dnd 3E did actually what i expected it to have, in the end, but the modular mechanical abilities were spread throughout different parts of the system, their largest concentration as feats and spells, but also attached to different races and classes. however, the non-modular class-level-based mechanics were the beating heart of most dnd characters (on a continuum, of course, from the least module-friendly barbarian up through the specialist classes into the terrifying bonus feat engine that was the 3E fighter and summiting in the endlessly variable wizard) and i felt, although i don’t think i was able to put words to this feeling until i got into GURPS years later, that dnd was too rigid and inflexible in the kinds of characters it allows you to make.

now, there are a couple of good reasons why a game would be very rigid about how it allows you to combine its mechanics:

some of those mechanics might combine in balance-upsetting ways. in particular, dnd (and its imitators) are cautious to keep the best combat defenses and durability separate from the best offensive abilities. see, for example: restricting spellcasters from wearing armor and penalizing barbarians and monks who do so.

allowing players to choose any arbitrary collection of abilities leads to a kind of combinatorial explosion in character builds and can be paralyzing to non-obsessive players. this creates a huge burden of knowledge, which only grows as more content is added to the game.

the second of these seems like it became a failure point for 3.5E after a while. even though the design of the game was supposed to front-load the largest choices about your character, the gradual multiplication of race, class, prestige class, feat and spell options (to say nothing of magic items!) increased the burden of knowledge to an unmanageable level. 

of course, it was still a playable game and people were welcome to filter out the parts they didn’t like or the books they didn’t know that well, but what become core pieces of the game wound up spread over altogether too many books (for example, the tiefling race in Forgotten Realms Campaign Setting and the warlock in Complete Arcane). in 4E, i think the intention was to limit this by basically making all character builds basically palette swaps of the fighter/rogue/wizard/cleric quartet. as far as i’m concerned, that fell flat because the preposterous, somewhat broken variety of 3.5E was actually core to the appeal.

now, a person might read the above and think that i would hate 5E because it does exactly the things that i was upset at 3E for doing: 5E takes its pool of modular mechanics and packages them up in classes and subclasses. sure, there are character backgrounds (honestly, an extremely good addition, although i don’t think i’m thrilled with the execution) and a small pool of feats, but the mechanical bulk of character creation is bundled up in your choice of race, class and subclass. certain classes (especially dedicating spellcasters) and subclasses (battle master, the elemental monk tradition) let you dial up the complexity ceiling, but the floor remains low.

it might be that i’ve mellowed in my old age or that i’ve seen how some of my non-dnd-playing friends were able to easily get into 5E, but i really sympathize with the design decisions. the designers have two objectives in a character creation system: giving characters cool powers and not overwhelming players with options. the class/subclass structure is a good way to limit the explosion of choices and make a more accessible game.

it also makes a game that’s strictly linear in its expansion. 

ever new subclass added to the game adds exactly that: one subclass. a new spell might add a little more complexity, if it’s available to multiple caster classes, but in general each new thing adds only itself to the game, not itself plus a thousand possibilities of combination.

aside: i definitely don’t love the kitchen sink of 3.5E with all its expansions. not enough designers set about to design replacements for core material, and too many design supplements to it. although i never owned it, i really like the “variant players’ handbook” idea of Arcana Unearthed/Evolved. imo, every book that introduced new races or core classes should have offered the suggestion of what races or classes to remove from the game if you were including the new ones.

anyway, here’s the line of design thinking it led me down:

what if the subclasses were another layer, like backgrounds are, that gets chosen independently of class?

there’d need to be some way to make sure that classes with different core mechanics (like fighters and wizards) get different mechanics from the “same” subclass.

each mechanic should still be as modular as possible. The restrictions on who can have it should be at the level of the module, not the level of the ‘subclass.’

the ‘subclasses’ will be themed lists of features (which can have prerequisites) and spells, that characters can choose from as they gain levels.

in my original sketch, the related ‘wild’ classes (barbarian, druid, ranger) could be created by applying a ‘wild’ theme to the prototypical classes of fighter, magic-user and specialist, respectively. for this not to feel as flat as dnd 4e, the themes would need to have significant differences in the kinds of mechanics they offered. for this not to feel as overwhelming as 3E, each theme would have to be well-focused.

the state of the project now is that i’m replacing both alignment (because i never liked the dnd alignments too much in the first place) and subclasses as these ‘themes,’ which i’m calling ‘alignments.’ one alignment, for example, is based on order and protection. its spell list  largely overlaps with the cleric spell list, and its features are mostly defensive and healing mechanics. a magic-user in this theme might be able to become fairly tank-y, but they wouldn’t have the damage output of magic-users in the other themes, that don’t have the same sorts of straight survivability features.

anyway that’s the extremely involved homebrew dnd project i’m working on right now:

design the three template classes that will be themed by choosing an alignment.

draw up a list of mechanics i want to be modular

assign them and the list of spells to my custom set of alignments

i have designed the template classes and listed 220 different features (feats). there are five different alignments, each of which has access to 58 feats. 20 are more generic and open to characters of any alignment.

i still have to write full rules text for the feats and probably design 10-20 new spells to fill out a couple of the lists. but i’d say that i am actually very close to having a playable total rebuild of dnd 5e?

go me, i guess.

[alecthemovieguy]

Demetri Martin: An ‘economic’ comic

Demetri Martin is a stand-up comic known for a unique mix of observational humor, one-liners, jokes about language, drawings and music. His brand of humor earned him a spot as a writer on “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” and as a contributor on “The Daily Show.”

As an actor he’s appeared on such shows as “House of Lies” and “New Girl,” and in film, most notably as the lead in “Taking Woodstock.” “Dean,” his first film as writer, director and star, is set for release this summer.

I interviewed Martin for The Conway Daily Sun and The Portland Phoenix, which published abridged versions of the interview. Here’s the complete transcript of our nearly 30-minute conversation.

A lot of stand-ups make a point of using transitions to have their sets flow, but you do a series of non-sequiturs. Is that an intentional choice?

Yeah. From the get go for me, I wanted to do stand-up, I think, because I really just like jokes. Once I started writing them, I would (have the most fun) coming up with stuff, kind of just brainstorming and daydreaming. Part of the game for me has always been to write the most economical jokes I can in terms of how many words they use. Now, I’ve been doing it awhile and I’ve loosened up a bit and I am a little more conversational, but I still like that game of writing the shortest jokes I can. When I am on stage I can do as many as I can in the time that I have, so I usually wind up with not doing a lot of segways or anything. I just go from joke to joke.

But it does seem to have a lyrical flow even though it is a collection of random jokes, do you carefully choose the order in which they go?

Yeah. By the time I shoot a special or record an album, I have a pretty good sense of an order that I like, just over time. When I am writing jokes, it really is pretty random. Then they start to coagulate or whatever the word is into certain little chunks. Sounded kind of gross, but you know what I am saying. A flow kind of emerges where I say  “You know, I think that joke goes better here for whatever reason.” “I’m not going to do that in the first five minutes.” And then maybe these jokes are structurally similar so I won’t have them near each other. Things like that dictate the order a little bit, but one of the nice things about doing a collection of jokes is that I am not really bound to any order. There is not really a sequence there but things kind of emerge.

You studied law, so how did that influence or shape your comedy?

Well, it definitely drove me into comedy because two years in law school was enough for me it. It showed me that it wasn’t a good fit. Even after the first year, early into the first year I felt like “Ah, this is not that existing to me.” But I really didn’t know what else to do with my future or my career or whatever. Luckily, I was in New York and there were comedy clubs, so I said, “You know what? Maybe I can try that.”

In terms of the study of law, I liked studying the history of jurisprudence, how a law is shaped through court decisions. I still kind of find that interesting. I don’t know if that had any direct impact on my stand-up. But there is that logical element to studying law and making arguments — certainly the LSAT in preparation for law school. There are different kinds of logic problems, logical reasoning problems. I don’t know, maybe there’s some relationship between that and writing jokes and structuring jokes.

Yeah, because you clearly have a love of language. You’ve written in palindromes. So, what is it about language that fascinates you the most?

Well, I realize that at some point, palindromes are pretty arbitrary. I don’t have any specific connection to palindromes. It is not like I come from a family that has them or something or know anyone who is really into palindromes. You know, there are people that do them, but it was not like I was brought up with palindromes. But I think, after thinking about it for some years, one of the things I like about palindromes is that, in a weird way, they are related to simplicity. Because, to make a palindrome, you follow just a very simple rule but things get difficult and complicated really quickly. I think that is one of the things I like about it. It is simple to understand what the rule is but yet it is really difficult. It gets complex pretty quickly when you follow that rule.

Then just practically, traveling so much over the years as a comedian for my work — alone — has led me to different activities that really help me pass the time when I am on these planes, sitting in airports. I am not in a band. I don’t travel with other people. I don’t have a road manager, anything like that, so it is me and a carry-on bag. I read books, I listen to my music and I draw, but sometimes, if I am on a six-hour flight, honestly, trying to write a palindrome is really difficult. It makes time vanish. I get so engrossed in it. It is arguably pointless. There’s not really an application for it, but the process is kind of enjoyable.

How did you develop your style?

Well, Steven Wright I’ve mentioned in interviews before, was my favorite comedian when I was growing up, when I saw comedy on TV in the ’80s. I still love his comedy. I think he’s such a brilliant comedy and joke writer. I liked Gary Larson a lot, too, as a kid. “Far Side” always made me laugh. It might have been one of the first things, if not the first thing, that made me laugh from just looking at it on a piece of paper. Those two influences and certainly my father, who was not a comedian but he was a funny person. Those were three things that probably shaped or became my style.

Then over time, as much as I wanted to be like Steven Wright, I can’t. I’m not him. I can’t be him. I can’t write like him. I think myself emerged out of that. I still tell short jokes because I gravitate towards that. But I like drawing. I am not great at it, but I’ve liked drawing since I was a kid.

Music came later. I listen to music all the time but no one in my family played instruments and I didn’t grow up music or anything. But somewhere along the way, I wanted to see if I could learn how to play music. It is not only fun but useful to material and ideas. What happened was I started headlining and doing longer shows on the road, I found that it was an interesting way to break up my material, for me to put things together, maybe combine some of the material with drawings, maybe combine some of it with music. Even tell stories sometimes because it could be a little more narrative and that helped diversify my presentation, I guess you could say. For shows that are over 75 minutes or if I’m stage for 90 minutes, it is not just a list of jokes, it is something more happening.

Do you remember the first time you ever got a laugh?

You mean not in stand-up, just in life?

Just in life. First memorable time when you are like “Oh, they are laughing at me and it’s a good thing that they are laughing at me.” I don’t really remember the first time. I remember vaguely … well, this certainly wasn’t the first time but when I was a junior in high school I went to this summer program called the Governor’s School on Public Issues in the state of New Jersey where I am from. That program had 100 students from around the state. We were all students that got good grades and we applied for this and we were chosen to be in it. We got to spend a month on a college campus. We took these classes and had discussions.

Anyway, the people that ran it were really cool, and they really wanted to foster a sense of community, so at the end of it, they had a bulletin board and they stapled a paper bag with each student’s name on it and everyone was encouraged to write notes to each other and just leave it in their bag. And then when you left you got to take your paper bag. You could read your notes on your way home or when you got home or whatever. What was interesting was it was the first time in my life where I had a situation like that where there were all these notes from a bunch of people my age. And every note said that “You’re really funny” or “You’re a funny kid” or “You’re the funniest kid I met” or something like that. It was really interesting. It was “Oh wow, that’s interesting, I’m considered funny. That’s cool.” So, that was kind of late. I was like 16, 17 at that point, but it did have an impact on me because it made me feel like maybe I am funny.

One of your earlier jobs, in comedy at least, was writing for “Late Night with Conan O’Brien,” what was that like?

That was great. That was a job I really wanted, and that was a coveted job in New York in the comedy scene there because there weren’t that many of those positions and people didn’t leave that job often. It was a really good place to work. It was great because, first off, Conan is great to work for. Jeff Ross, who is executive producer of the show, is also great. They are two genuinely nice people and they treat their staff well. So, it was really cool having a boss that I respected and liked who was really smart and really funny.

The other writers were great and one of the great things about that show is if you’re a sketch writer, so not monologue, but if you’re writing the sketch pieces, you get to not only write your bit, but you get to direct it if you’re shooting any kind of footage for it, you get to cast it, you get to work with the different departments — costumes or props or art. So, you’re getting a little crash course in directing in a sense and producing comedy, so I loved that about it.

The thing I didn’t like about it, the hours were kind of unpredictable. Some nights we’d stay until midnight and other nights we’d stay until like 8:30. You never knew when you were going to get out. It was really hard to do stand-up and do the job at the same time. So, I had to make a choice and I ended up leaving the job which I never imagined I’d do just because I wanted to keep pursuing stand-up, so I quit.

But you were part of an award-winning season in terms of writing, so you got that.

Yeah that was cool, yeah. I got a trophy.  

You were a correspondent for “The Daily Show” for several years and did a segment called “Trendspotting.” If you were to do a “Trendspotting” segment now, what do you think it you’d do it on?

That’s an interesting question to me because the world has changed and of course it does change, but even in the time since I did that segment. To me that was kind of a joke, the idea of trendspotting, but trending is now clearly a very common verb that people use all the time. I don’t even know, I’d probably — I like to read design blogs a lot for whatever reason, I guess it is because my wife is a commercial and interior designer, so she’s gotten me more into the world of design. So, it would probably wind up being something too dry. It would be something with design and sustainable. Everything is sustainable. A lot of 3-D printing. Stuff like that.

It is interesting how in just like a decade how much has changed. Like I watched your bit on social networking and it was all focused on Myspace and, of course, Myspace is gone.

Right. It is crazy. It is long gone. That seems like a different lifetime and it really wasn’t that long ago.

Unlike a lot of comedians, you’ve actually gotten to work with a two-time Oscar-winning director on “Taking Woodstock.” So, what was it like working with Ang Lee?

That was a great job. I was excited to get that role. It was pretty intense. It was super educational. I am not a trained actor. Ang is clearly one of the great directors we have in our time. I knew I was in for an interesting ride, and I was because Ang told me in the beginning of rehearsing, shortly after I got the part, he said “You know all the comedy you do, I’m not interested in that. I picked you as an actor.” And he told me point blank “Your job is to know your lines, be well-rested and be prepared and be able to adjust. I give you direction, I need you to be able to adjust.” He said “Your job is to give me options.” He said a lot of other things, but that was thing that stayed with me. Educational because I’m used to writing and performing my comedy and perspective, so this was a different assignment. And he did me a big favor because he taught me a lot about acting and filmmaking. But it was pretty intense. You know, I wasn’t working in a coalmine but, still, everyday I was on that set taking direction, learning how to do things and then there was a whole movie that was waiting for me to get a scene right. It was so different than stand-up because you are on your own, this was part of a larger creative ecosystem.

Right because your character, in many respects, is the straight person that is reacting to all this insanity around him, so it is very much is kind of the opposite of your impulses as a comic.

You’re absolutely right. It was a difficult thing to manage and also to learn. It is not my work. It wasn’t my movie. I didn’t direct it. I was hired to be a part of it, so I had to do my best to help Ang execute his vision in that movie as kind of a straight man in a sense reacting to, yeah, everything going on around me. It was really cool because it is a period film. As an actor it was a very great challenge. Not that it is that hard to play a gay character, if you’re not gay, but also there is some work there. I wanted to be sensitive to who that person was, who I was portraying and do my best to make this person three dimensional and become a character as much as I could. Of course, I don’t have a big range as an actor, so I did my best.

Did you learn anything from Ang Lee that you applied to directing “Dean?”

Yeah, I think so. Well, first on Ang’s movie and the few other films or TV series I’ve been cast in, you learn quickly how collaborative the whole experience is and how much trust is required. People really have to trust each other, and the other departments have to work together and, as an actor, you have to trust your director and everybody, really. So, that was something I thought of really in the process of making my own movie. This is not just getting people to help me execute my story or my vision or whatever you want to call it. It is finding people to work with who I can trust who will hopefully trust me, so it is really about finding collaborators. Whether it is hair and makeup, whether it is your DP, props, everybody, it is a big deal. Now, my movie was such a small budget, it made it all the more important. I’m sure on a huge movie, it is always important, but my experience with low-budget, I thought “Jeez, I really don’t have any time or money to waste.” You’ve got to just maximize every dollar and minute, so if you have good collaborators it is a lot easier to do. If you don’t, it just makes it so much harder.

What was it like not only acting with but directing such great acting veterans as Kevin Kline and Mary Steenburgen?

It was great. I got lucky for sure because both of them were such lovely people to work with and I didn’t know either of them before we worked together. Now, being on the other side of this movie, I can see how lucky I got. It doesn’t always work out that way. You can get someone to be in your movie and they can be difficult or they're afraid. As a first-time director, you’re really asking people for a lot because there is no proven track recorded. They are taking a big risk. Kevin and Mary did a lot more for me than I did for them, so I will be forever grateful to them no matter how the movie does. If it is some big hit then great, but even if not, they still helped me actually get my movie made.

But, yeah, working with them was great because they were patient, and again, I keep using the word collaborative, but it is really the best word for it because even in doing a scene, you’re really making it happen together. I tried to stay out of their way because they have so much more experience than I do, but then, at times, I asked “Can I have it this way?” or “Can we just try this line this way?” and things like that. It was very harmonious, especially given how little time we had. They didn’t have a lot of takes to do their scenes because we had to shoot so much each day in order to get the movie done, so there were only a few takes for each set-up with the camera but even given that it worked out really nicely.

“Dean” seems semi-autobiographical. How much of Demetri is in Dean the character?

It is autobiographical I guess you’d say in terms of its emotional storytelling or the emotions underneath the story, but it is pure fiction otherwise. I like the idea of making up a story and telling a made-up story but I also like the idea of making something that is grounded and is emotionally real. That is really what I tried to do with the movie. There’s nothing in there from my life. I can’t think of anything that is real, except that the character is an illustrator and even that, I’m not an illustrator. I’ve had a book of drawings and my second one will come out in the fall, but that certainly doesn’t make me an illustrator.

I am a comedian who likes to draw and I like to act but knowing real illustrators and seeing their work, I can’t tell those people I am an illustrator. I am comedian, but I thought it would be interesting to make the character an illustrator and focuses on that kind of work rather than a comedian or actor or something. So, that is pretty autobiographical as like a little sliver of who I am. And I lost a parent when I was young. I lost my dad, so for the movie I made it my mom. I really did want to fictionalize it and not and end up telling literal tales about my life. It just didn’t seem interesting. But, yeah,  if you see the movie, you see “Oh, yeah that seems like Demetri” because I’m not really disappearing it some different character, it is more like, “OK, here’s my sense of humor and now let’s put it into this character and tell a story.”

In 2006, you pitched a movie to DreamWorks called “Will.” Whatever happened to that? Did it basically become “Dean?”

No, that’s totally different movie. I sold that to DreamWorks. I did some drafts, some rewrites of the scripts for that. And then it ended up at Paramount and it got greenlit for like a week in maybe like 2010, somewhere around there. I thought the movie was going to get made and then it fell apart and didn’t get made. Then another director got attached to it a few years ago and I did another rewrite of the movie. It still didn’t get made. As with many projects in Hollywood, it may just die a slow, terrible death. I have a little, tiny shred of hope that maybe it’ll get made but I’m not holding my breath anymore.

It is partly why I made “Dean” because naively I thought when I sold it, “Oh my God, I’m going to get a movie made and it’s going to be at a studio. This is exciting.” And then my heart slowly got broken each successive rewrite that I did. I got paid for it, so I can’t complain about it but, at some point, I realized I am going to stop waiting for that to be my ticket into movies and just start making my own. And “Dean” was my first attempt at it. And it is not a high-concept movie. It is a low-budget movie. It is truly an independent film. I’m glad I did it and I want to make more of them. I hope someday I’ll have adequate budget, not like the biggest budget in the world, but enough that I’m not asking every single person who works on the movie to do me a favor because that’s pretty much what happens when you make a really small movie.

And going back to your drawings, obviously you’re not an illustrator, you’re not doing comic books, but if you were to create a comic book superhero character, what would that character be?

Well, I’d probably have to think for a while to come up with something really good but my first thought would be, maybe this is just me getting a little bit older, but I think if someone who had the power to change perception, his own perception and the perception of others, that in itself would be a pretty interesting superpower. I often feel like reality is just really what you spend your time thinking about or paying attention to. There’s certainly reality beyond that but for each of us, it just seems like perception is such a powerful filter. It might save my character and everyone a lot of effort and time if a lot of it took place in their mind instead of flying around and borrowing shit up and everything. Pretty boring answer. But yeah that’s my first thought. Maybe that’s why I am a comedian. It is more about ideas. But I think there’s something in there.

Perception Man.

Exactly.

Or Preconceived Notion.

Or Perceptor.

[christianitywithouttheinsanity]

In the very early hours this morning, the US Senate voted 51 to 48 to begin the process of repealing the Affordable Care Act, or as it is commonly known, Obamacare.

There are many misconceptions about what the ACA is and what it does. Too many people think that it just taxpayer-funded health insurance. And while that is part of it (known as the Public Option, and the expansion of Medicaid), there is so much more in the Act that was intended to help and protect people, and repealing it, without something to replace it is not only dangerous for those that depend on it, but, honestly, unBiblical, and immoral.

As my title implies, I don’t think Jesus would, if he were a US Congressman, vote to repeal the ACA. Let’s look at what we know of Jesus from the Bible, the teachings of which many of the GOP (who want the ACA repealed) claim to follow:

There are 31 stories of Jesus healing an individual in the first 4 books of the New Testament (the Gospels), and there are at least 20 stories of Jesus performing ‘mass’ healings (more than one, often referred to as ‘multitudes’)[1]. Jesus cared not only for the spiritual needs of those who came to him, he cared for their physical needs, their illnesses, their blindness, their paralysis.

And on top of setting that example, Jesus also taught his followers to care for people.

 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”

 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

 “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”

 But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

 In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead.  A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.  But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him.  He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him.  The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

 The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”  

– Luke 10:25-37(NIV)

  I don’t think it’s an accident, or merely narrative tool that this parable is about a man that is in need of medical care. He could have mentioned a man in need of food or someone without a home, but Jesus chose to use a man that was dying. The Samaritan, henceforth known as “The Good Samaritan”, gave his time and his money to care for a man in need, and Jesus used this as his answer to the question “who is my neighbor?”, but also the original question “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

Which brings us back to the GOP and their wanting to repeal the ACA. Republicans like to say “this is a Christian nation founded on Christian principles”. And as such our government and laws should reflect that. But when it comes to things that actually help people the way Jesus did, they say, bafflingly, that “it’s not the government’s job”.

If our Constitution and laws make us a Christian nation (we can argue it doesn’t, but for the sake of this post, let’s just agree with Conservatives on that point), then shouldn’t the actions of the government set up by that Constitution reflect the actions of the Christ it supposedly represents?

The Affordable Care Act, while not a perfect piece of legislature, and something that needed to be tweaked and fixed from the start, was a huge step forward in protecting the life and liberty of American citizens. Providing health care for all harkens back to the very words of our founding documents. In the Declaration of Independence, it’s written “[men/mankind] are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”[2] And in the Constitution “We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”[2] (Emphasis mine.)

So not only in the teachings of the Christ they claim to follow, but in the founding documents they claim to hold so dear, are Republicans facedwith concepts that show that repealing the ACA is not only a sin, but morally and ethically, and patriotically, WRONG.

Benefits of the Affordable Care Act

Now it can be argued that people shouldn’t depend on the government and the Public Option shouldn’t be in there giving people ‘free’ healthcare. And again, I am not saying that the ACA doesn’t have issued that needed to be fixed from the start (and, arguably, they would have if Congress had focused on doing so from the start instead of voting hundreds of times to repeal it.) But there is way more in there than the Public Option. Let’s look at just a few things in there that, if repealed, would do more harm than good:

  Children covered by parents insurance until age 26[3]

Coverage under your insurance no longer ends when you child turns 18, this means your son or daughter is covered as they pursue their education or as they get their first job and enter adulthood, taking the pressure off of them so they can focus on become responsible adults and eventually able to obtain their own insurance.

Cannot be denied coverage based on pre-existing conditions[3]

You change jobs, or are transferred to a new state, or something else happens that forces you to change your insurance. But you have an illness, maybe even a very serious one. Insurance companies can no longer deny you coverage of that condition. This adds amazing security to cancer patients, or diabetics, or any number of people with an endless list of conditions. This gives you the confidence you need to find a better job, or move closer to loved ones.

No lifetime limit on coverage[3]

This is a personal one for me. 10 years ago, before the ACA became law, I became ill. Very ill. To this day we don’t know exactly what is wrong with me, but it involves a lot of crippling pain, weakness on my left side, and some brain issues. Before I was terminated from my job (because I couldn’t do the job anymore) and my insurance was still in effect, I had to have some very expensive tests done. All of which required approval from my insurance before they were done, so I thought they were covered because the insurance approved them. But then the bills came in, hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of bills that I will never be able to pay back. A call to the insurance company revealed a sad truth. They could set a limit on how much they pay out and can cancel my policy for reaching that limit, without warning and without covering procedures they had previously approved. The ACA ends that despicable rule. The insurance must cover the things they agree to cover in your policy, for as long as your are paying your premiums and cannot set some arbitrary limit and put your health in jeopardy. This is really important for cancer patients, whose treatment is literally life or death. And anyone else that needs lengthy and sometimes lifetimes of treatment. A car accident, like the one my mother was involved in, can lead to years of recovery. Now insurance companies can’t just cut us off.

Your premium must be spent (mostly) on your healthcare, you can even get a refund if you don’t use your insurance.[3]

The ACA sets a limit on how much of your premium is used for administrative costs. The rest MUST be used for your health care. Insurance companies can no long make monstrous profits by not providing the care they are supposedly in business to provide. In some states you can even get a refund on premiums you paid but didn’t use for health care. This ensures your money is used for it’s intended purposes – your health.

These are just a few of the things put into the ACA that benefit ALL Americans. These are the things that will be stripped away when congress and our new President repeal the ACA without replacing it with a new law that includes these (and many other) things.

To do so, to just rip away the protections of the ACA from American citizens, is not only irresponsible, it’s immoral.

Please call and write your congressmen (http://ift.tt/1HfhTwt) and tell them to do all they can to protect us, the American citizens, from this action. If the ACA is to be repealed, the consumer protections in it must be kept intact by replacing it with another law that includes them. We cannot put the lives and health of our fellow citizens, our neighbors who we are called to love, on the line for political statements.

  [1] “31 Individual Healings of Jesus Christ”, http://ift.tt/2j59mty [2] “America’s Founding Documents”, http://ift.tt/2eg4bEE [3] “Key Features of the Affordable Care Act”, http://ift.tt/2ihp3Rc