#i feel like im so bad at wording my thoughts

[misayani]

i love your se-mi fic, it made me giggle, twril my hair and shi HAHDBWBFNS please make more of her and full fic on your first one😈😈

DUMB DUMB — SE-MI (PLAYER 380)

◜ pairing ... se-mi / player 380 x  fem reader

◜connected to [HONEY (R U COMING?)]

𔗨 author's note — i cant really tell if i consider this as the second part to the first one but this one and that one's connected. anyways first smut ive ever written, im gonna kms [lowercase intended]

p.s. pls send reqs, as much as possible specific ones so i could actually get into it jssjsks ok bye

warnings: smut [mean-ish se-mi, fingering]

all your attitude was long gone ever since you step foot in the women's bathroom with se-mi following behind. 

who would've thought that you both managed to convince one of the guards to let you both go to the restroom in the middle of the night? well it was mostly you who kept blabbing your mouth as to why you needed to go to the bathroom so bad to the guard. nonetheless, here you are now— on the bathroom floor, bottoms naked, knees spread, and se-mi fingers deep inside you. 

"fuck—!" you hissed as se-mi inserted a third finger into you, closing your eyes in the process. the amount of sensations are definitely overwhelming you right now.

suddenly, she stops her actions making you whine and flutter your eyes open. "w-why'd you stop?" you hiccup,

"look at me when i'm fucking you. you close your eyes, i stop. got it?" she lowly demands. every word that came out of her mouth clear, making sure you know she's not joking around. 

your lower lip trembles as you nod slowly, staring right into her piercing eyes. she began thrusting her fingers into you once again, her gaze locked onto your desperate expression.

"look at you panting like a fucking dog. weren't you just insulting someone earlier about looking like a lost puppy?" she spats at you. you bite your lower lip in attempt to muffle out your moans as she keeps pounding into you. 

spank !

you let out a gasp at the sudden contact. se-mi had just spanked your exposed cunt. 

"where's that bratty attitude you were pulling earlier now?" she scoffs at you as all you can do was just stare at her with a pouty expression.

"can't fucking talk? am i fucking you dumb, baby?" you felt tears prick at the ends of your eyes as you sniffle, reaching out for her desperately.

"please come closer" you whine, "need you close.." 

fortunately, she complies. she shifts her body closer to yours and you latch your hands onto her shirt. she thrusts her fingers faster causing a moan to slip out of your lips. 

"please, kiss me" you pleaded, "i don't think you deserve it, though?" she teases. 

"se-mi.." fuck, you really wanted her so bad. you wanted her to have you whole, to fuck you, to kiss you. 

"please" you hiccup, "want your l-lips on mine" you were basically begging at this point. never in your life have you begged to someone like this, so helpless and desperate.

a continuous string of pleases and curses left your mouth as she continued ruining you. 

"poor baby," se-mi coos at you, "cum first and maybe i'll let you kiss me." 

se-mi's fingers curl inside you and you groan, removing one of your hands from her shirt and placed it on her jaw, cupping it softly. 

You start to feel your orgasm build up inside you as if it wanted to swallow you whole. you let out soft moans, your eyes still locked onto se-mi's piercing ones but your eyesight was getting hazy. 

somehow, se-mi manages to hit a deeper spot inside you, as you finally hit your breaking point.

you moan her name out as a wave of euphoria hit you, She closes the distance between you two as you shut your eyes and drop your head onto her shoulder, her arms catching your sides.

"fuck" she breathes out, "you did well baby." she caressed your hair and lets you breathe for a moment. 

once she felt you relax your body onto hers, she pulls away from you and tilts your head slightly upwards. you flutter your eyes open and they were met with her gaze— soft and very unlike to the one she just had earlier, dangerous and seductive.

fina-fucking-lly, she leans in and presses her lips onto yours before softly kissing you. without hesitating, you kissed back. her lips were surprisingly soft despite being somewhat dehydrated in this place.

you felt the cold metal of her piercing on your tongue while you nibbled on her bottom lip. she moves one of her hands to your cheek, cupping it softly before you pulled away to breathe. 

"let's clean you up." se-mi said standing up and walking to one of the bathroom stalls before coming back with a tissue roll on hand.

once done cleaning up and wearing your underwear and pants back on, a firm knock was heard outside the door. just on time.

"it's time to head out" you both heard the muffled voice say. se-mi gives you a final kiss on the lips before opening the door and letting you walk out the bathroom first.

still, you can't quite comprehend what just happened. all you can think of was how se-mi just fucked the attitude out of you.

@misayani

[prettybiching]

MY SISTERS BIG FAT DESHI WEDDING IS DONE AND DUSTED AND IM NOW BACK TO DEVOURING MY FAVOURITE ANGSTY MASTERPIECE HELLOOOOOOOOO

Daemon is taken off-guard by how you pull away from him. He knits his brows, following after you as you head towards his niece, deeply annoyed by how easily you disregard him. But upon hearing the words you speak, he freezes.

For the 722819th time Daemon, please be normal for once (although his lovesick puppy behaviour is doing it for me ngl)

I would lay down my life for you my princess. On other note, I really hope that rhaenyra and the princess are able to find themselves on good terms despite the fact that alicent and rhaenyra are about to hate their guts. My girl needs all the support that she can get.

"Pain is difficult... but I've come to realize," you swipe her cheek, "it makes peace all the more precious." You chuckle under your breath when your own eyes begin to water, "I would know."

Rhaenyra's hand is quickly dropped when Daemon comes to your side, calling out your name. You sheepishly turn to him, apologizing over and back as he escorts you to a seat.

Girl bye, daemons disregard for rhaenyra is making me feel good about the man whore that is daemon 😋😋

...It makes her sorrow all the more sour.

Rhaenyra pls you're going to get your hunk of a bear guard to keep you company, leave him for us and dont pin after him 🙏🙏

You turn to him, sheepish, still, "I am. Thank you, darling."

ZOO WEE MAMA IM SCREAMINGGGGGGG

"Where is your father?" Daemon turns to Rhaenyra, seemingly not noticing your slip up. He did notice, but why wouldn't you call him darling?

omg slay you're so right daemon (for once!) Why wouldn't she????!!!

"No," Daemon quips, placing his silverware down, "I do not want to be subjected to tolling bells and incense."

Hey ho! The last time I checked, you're uncle not aunt. Stop poking your nose in other people's business omg???

"She has your sister," he turns to you, "if they need another companion, lend her your ward."

I want 2 bash his head against a wall. Thanks <3 The award for ruining progress should go to him.

The image of sorrowful wailing still haunts him, and your prayer for death is not something he wishes to hear ever again. You cannot pray such prayers if you are not in that fucking place, "I forbid you from going to the temple."

Something about how daemons intentions have perhaps always been misunderstood growing up and he's always been labeled as cruel/heartless so he stopped explaining himself. He had to bury that soft exterior and only knows how to give commands and now he's subconsciously commanding his wife to stop praying for her death. But she won't get to know it because it would seem like a weakness.

"You impress me with your commitment to understand everyone else but I."

Ugh, Daemon!! You frustrate me so much. How can she?! How can she when you're so busy fighting all different versions yourself at every moment that she can never predict which version of you she will get. I need you, to even for a moment, get over your self-loathing to look - and I mean really look - at her.

More accurately, you cannot. You clutch your chest and try to calm yourself before you slip into a full blown attack. You force yourself to take five deep breaths, and thankfully, you do not feel light headed.

Oh God, I'm not ready. I thought I was prepared for the bad parts but I'm not.

The thing was, you were still a terrible runner, and it if wasn't hard enough to catch your breath, you were screaming out the prince's name as you did, making it doubly hard.

IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF DAEMON JUST LOOK BACK AT HER FOR ONCE

"...as punishment for being unkind to your husband."

MY GIRL NO!!! NEVER. None of it was your fault ever and I can scream it from the highest mountain but you would never believe it, not even if daemon admits it to you. I will hunt down every man that has ever hurt you I promise.

"No!" you grab his arms, "you must not tell him! You must not tell a soul."

Oops I forgot about the baby doom again (mostly because I'm in denial and hoping that the destined chaos will simply never come)

"Papa," you mumble to yourself as you go to him.

No, stop. I will never get over how she instinctively reached for her father. And how Otto reacts to it like it's muscle memory (it is). Because Otto is her father, she has been raised being loved, protected and shielded by him. And Otto has spent her whole life doing exactly that.

The fact that Otto has tried and tested so many forms of consolations on you over the years, and it only goes to show that she has received a father's love- the only parental affection in her life - through the twisted means of Otto.

"The gods with strengthen you, daughter." he turns to Alicent, "I will take care of it, my girl."

Stop, stop, stop noooooo. This is the worst possible thinking that Otto has ever come up with. The idea that Alicent would have to sacrifice herself and her autonomy for the alleged safety (in the Hightowers' eyes) of the princess is going to be her end in itself. She would not be able to handle the fact that her baby sister is going to fall to the sword to save her.

Daemon ticks. He had been gazing into space, but now he has the wits to pours himself a drink, "is she dead now too?"

Fuck off you absolute rat. No but I need to see him react to some far-fetched rumour, perhaps when he has fucked off to God knows where, about the princess being dead and I just knowwwww he's going to absolutely fucking lose it mind like hah you little rat idiot, who is making these nonchalant jokes about her being dead now huh??

Your lips wobble, but you steel yourself away. You crush your sister into your arms and pepper her cheeks with kisses, "my sweet girl. I am five years your senior. I must lend you my ear." You pull away and cup her cheeks. You frown when you see her glassy eyes, "do not worry for me."

My heart just shattered into a million pieces. Justice for these two girls.

"Only I inherited your hair color," you mumble, beginning to tremble, "if my child looks too much like me—" you rapidly shake your head, "he will-"

Only once I need him to overhear just an ounce of her fear. Because I need this rat head to know that just because he feels this palpable love for her within himself, doesn't mean that she knows it and just how afraid she is of him.

Otto closes the door and the boy places the crackers on the table. The man circles 'round to his desk and sits down, "what news do you bring me today?"

I'm going to strangle some1 (possibly daemon)

I couldn't help myself but I already skimmed through ch10 earlier during the wedding festivities and bawled my eyes out at like 3am but gosh I can't want for a reread.

AS ALWAYS THANK YOU AUTHOR FOR KEEPING ME FED I LOVE YOUUUUUU

Tormented Spirit | 9

Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

"Is it such a sin to stand up for yourself?" you mutter as tears blur your vision. The way he reacted was visceral, instinctive even. "You never have to stand up for yourself ever again," says Daemon, reaching a hand to you, "come."

Daemon Targaryen x Hightower!Reader | 4k+ | cw: fem!reader, reader has brown hair, wife!reader, twin!Gwayne, arranged/forced marriage, canon divergence, alternate universe, slow burn, DD:DNE, panic/anxiety attacks, daddy issues/child abuse/family problems, mentions/depictions of mental/physical/psychosomatic illness, ye old misogyny, angst, typos, etc.

A/N: GUYS ITS STILL TOO FUCKING LONG I HAD TO CUT IT AGAIN. T_T canon stuff/medieval health care might not be accurate so ROLLLL with it ok. please consider leaving comments/reblogs because they really help me with the fic. | cross posted on ao3

@arabellasleopardcoat @prettybiching @myllovellybones

Daemon takes you to the dining room, and upon entering, you are met with Rhaenyra and Alicent, who were in the middle of eating lunch. For a split second, you are happy to see them both, but then you remember the horrible news regarding the princess's mother.

Daemon is taken off-guard by how you pull away from him. He knits his brows, following after you as you head towards his niece, deeply annoyed by how easily you disregard him. But upon hearing the words you speak, he freezes.

"My deepest condolences, my princess," you curtsy at Rhaenyra before placing a hand on her shoulder.

She is dejected and her eyes are sullen as she turns to you.

"She was in active labor last I saw her..." you shake your head, finding the words to say, "it is terrible to be without a mother," you turn to your sister, placing a hand on her shoulder as well, "the pain never quite leaves you. My sister and I know it well."

Rhaenyra turns back to her food, "how good to know."

You frown and crouch down beside her, "darling."

Rhaenyra slowly turns back to you, tears now falling from her eyes.

"Pain is difficult... but I've come to realize," you swipe her cheek, "it makes peace all the more precious." You chuckle under your breath when your own eyes begin to water, "I would know."

Alicent frowns, quickly feeling her own eyes well up at the display.

The same happens to Daemon. He watches three girls weep and his face hardens as he comes to Rhaenyra's side, "bisa tolī kessa rēbagon, ñuha riña." This too shall pass, my girl.

Rhaenyra turns to her uncle as he grabs her hand, heavy tears stream down her face, "ziry ōdragon." It hurts.

Daemon is supposed to say something, but then he notices Alicent begin to fuss over you. You softly brush her off as you come to stand. Alicent is quick to stand with you, and she is glad to have done so, because you nearly topple back.

Rhaenyra's hand is quickly dropped when Daemon comes to your side, calling out your name. You sheepishly turn to him, apologizing over and back as he escorts you to a seat.

Rhaenyra stares at you as her uncle sits you in the chair across her She watches how Daemon treats you, thinking she's never seen him treat anyone like this before, much less a lady. It makes her sorrow all the more sour.

He brushes your back but only calms after your food is served and he's seen you eat a few bites. He takes a goblet of wine but his eyes remain fixed on you, "better?"

You turn to him, sheepish, still, "I am. Thank you, darling."

Alicent's eyes widen at the sound of the pet name. Rhaenyra rolls her eyes with a huff. It is precisely that sound that makes you realize what you've said. You were used to referring to Alicent and Rhaenyra that, it came so naturally this moment, "I- I mean-"

"Where is your father?" Daemon turns to Rhaenyra, seemingly not noticing your slip up. He did notice, but why wouldn't you call him darling?

Rhaenyra clenches her jaw as she shakes her head, "mourning his lost heir."

Both you and your husband's face fall. You turn from the princess to the prince, reaching for his hand. Daemon clutches your hand as his brows constrict, "your brother is dead?"

"Just last night," Rhaenyra absentmindedly stirs her food, "his and my mother's funereal will be held in a few hours."

Your heart hurts for her, "my deepest sympathies for your losses, princess."

There is a thick silence for a moment. You all find it quite hard to eat, but you do so regardless. You force feed yourself through the unpleasant churn in your belly. After a while, you look across the room, finding that it looked everyone was experiencing the same thing. You break the silence, turning to your sister, "perhaps Alicent can accompany you to the temple to pray. It did always help me."

Alicent turns to Rhaenyra, but she does not react.

Your sister looks back at you and you give her a nod of encouragment. Alicent thinks for a moment, "a walk there would be good for you as well."

You smile at the red haired girl.

"My prayers are terrible," Rhaenyra mumbles.

You huff and frown at the thought, "it is impossible. No prayer is terrible, especially not one spoken in earnest."

Rhaenyra remembers how her septa would use you as an example for praying. She sniffles, "would you join us, aunt?"

You perk and immediately nod, "I would love t-"

"No," Daemon quips, placing his silverware down, "I do not want to be subjected to tolling bells and incense."

You all turn to him as Daemon turns to you. You slowly shake your head, "if... that is the case, you do not have to come."

Daemon's eyes widen ever so slightly in offense.

"Perhaps you can wa-"

"Kesan daor mītepagon ao ñuha ābrazȳrys," I will not lend you my wife, says Daemon to Rhaenyra.

You turn from your husband to his niece. Rhaenyra looks back at you, "he says he will not lend you to me."

Your lips part, giving him a look, "Daemon."

"She has your sister," he turns to you, "if they need another companion, lend her your ward."

A long silence passes.

Rhaenyra stares at her half-empty plate and decides that's as much as she'll ever get to eat in this moment. She pushes her chair back and stands, "I'm quite finished," she looks between the table. Alicent takes a final spoonful before standing as well.

"Raqagon aōha ābrazȳrys, kepa," enjoy your wife, uncle, Rhaenyra says as she walks off. Alicent follows after her, and both girls look at you as you stand to greet them goodbye. Daemon simply looks at his niece.

Rhaenyra, though she always harbored a special affection towards her uncle, could not find it in her to project her ire out on you, for you were nothing but kind to her, and after all, you were her closest friend's older sister. She nods at you as she leaves, "princess."

"Princess," you nod back and do the same for Alicent, "sister. Take care of each other."

Once they are gone, you sit back down and glare at Daemon.

It takes a moment for him to realize it. When he catches your look, his brows contort. You immediately quip, "would it very hard for you to stomach the ambience of the temple for an hour?"

Daemon turns back to his plate. He thinks of the night he came to you at the temple, "just because I came for you does not mean I wish to do the same for Rhaenyra."

You knit your brows deeply, not having a clue on what he's saying, "what?"

The image of sorrowful wailing still haunts him, and your prayer for death is not something he wishes to hear ever again. You cannot pray such prayers if you are not in that fucking place, "I forbid you from going to the temple."

"You forbid me?" you ask, flabbergasted.

"It is my prerogative where I go, and-" he turns back to you, "where my wife does."

You stare at him for a moment. You feel frustration bubble in your belly, "Daemon."

Anger bubbles in his belly.

You reach for his hand and gaze upon him in confusion, "the child's mother is dead."

He looks at your hand before his away, "I knew her mother longer than she has."

You chuckle in disbelief, pulling your head back. He looks at you, jaw set and eyes glassy. You shake your head slowly, "that's not fair."

"Isn't it?" Daemon laughs, hurt by your sentiment.

"Her mother is dead," you shake your head rapidly, "she who taught her everything she kno-"

Daemon stands abruptly, jaw and fists clenched tightly, making you flinch. He stares at you for a long moment and you feel your breath begin to grow heavy. You slowly reach for his hand, half expecting him to rip his arm away. When he does not, you come to a stand, "Dae-"

"You impress me with your commitment to understand everyone else but I."

His words stab you like a spear through the chest. Your eyes begin to water, "is that what you think I'm do-"

"Then what?!" he snaps, tears threatening to fall down his cheeks.

You begin to sob and you take his cheeks, "I'm trying to make you understand what I am thinking, why I want to go with Rhaenyra, because I know what it fee-"

"Do I not mourn?" Daemon swats your hand away from him. He quickly turns away when his tears begin to fall. He does not get to notice how you twitch at his action, nor how instantly your heart begins to race.

He walks off to the door, stopping for a moment, waiting for you to come after him. You do not.

More accurately, you cannot. You clutch your chest and try to calm yourself before you slip into a full blown attack. You force yourself to take five deep breaths, and thankfully, you do not feel light headed.

Daemon, too wrapped up in his self-suffering, does not even think to look at you and storms out of the dining room.

By the time the doors slam shut, you are able to bring yourself to go after your husband. You move as quickly as you can, convincing yourself sprinting was worth it if you managed to catch up to Daemon. The thing was, you were still a terrible runner, and it if wasn't hard enough to catch your breath, you were screaming out the prince's name as you did, making it doubly hard.

Daemon, on the other hand, did not have to try to walk as fast as he did. He is walking so fast, if anyone were to crash into him, they would shoot off and hurt themselves.

It doesn't take long for you to lose your breath, and though you didn't want to, your body to forces you to stop. You were so close. You managed to catch a whiff of Daemon's silver hair, but now everything was turning silver... then black. You reach to the side to lean against the wall, but you miscalculate your reach and shift your weight, only to slip and crash roughly onto the ground.

You're so out of breath, no sound comes out of you when you crash. The pain is immense, yet you are rendered mute. Your ribs throb at the impact of colliding against the stone floor. You do not know it, but your nose it bleeding too.

It's a wonder that you did not pass out. Or perhaps it was the gods' will for you to feel fibre of your body strangle itself from how your lungs struggled, as punishment for being unkind to your husband.

You do know know it, but two Gold Cloaks find you on the floor. They are quick to bring you to the maester's ward. You hear them explain to the measter how they found you, and you muster up your remaining energy to say, "Daemon... please."

The two Gold Cloaks understand and leave with the intent of sending your husband to you. They will not manage to find him till much later for he went off on dragonback.

You lie on one of the cots in the maester's ward, staring at the ceiling you've come to know all too well. You know your maester can do little to help you in this moment, but you are grateful for his care nonetheless.

"You mustn't strain yourself in your condition, your grace," the old man says, "you are carrying a child within you."

You tense at his words. Your sit up and straighten your back, rapidly shaking your head, "b-but, maester, how can that be? It cannot be."

He offers you a solemn look, "your father, Lord Hand, has made us monitor you-"

"He does not finish inside me," you quip and frantically motion, "he- he... he spills on my skin. How then can I be with child?"

The maester is taken aback by your confession. He does not give himself away though and calmly explains, "it is still possible for... the seed take root from premature ejaculation."

You are floored by this information. You shake your head in disagreement, "but— he will not believe me."

"He does not have to. It does not ch-"

"He will do everything to villainize me. He will accuse me of infidelity."

He frowns, "I can explain it to-"

"No!" you grab his arms, "you must not tell him! You must not tell a soul."

He pulls his head back, "your grace..." he brings your hands slowly off him, "you can only hide such a thing for so long."

You shake your head and bring yourself to stand, "it is a worry for another time."

"Wait- you cannot leave-"

"I cannot miss the queen's funeral."

The maester does his best to prevent you from leaving. He calmly tries to lead you back to bed and explain that no one would fault you for being unable to attend. You are persistent however and managed to get out of the room. Two other maesters come and try to reel you back in, and it is the same time your wards come running in.

News of you fainting had spread like wildfire, and both their faces were marked with avid worry. "Princess!" they call in unison.

"Make them release me!" you wail in exhaustion as you fight off the maesters.

"She cannot go," your maester says, "she is far too weak."

"Unhand her this instant!" Erryk barks, ready to forcefully shove the old men away from you.

The maesters pull away in shock and confusion as Erryk imposes upon them. Arryk is the one to keep you upright, and he is horrified by the state you are in. You lean into his armour, lulled by his hard steel as you sigh in exhaustion.

"You would subdue her in such a state?" Arryk snaps.

"She is hysterical," the maester says, "she is not strong enough to-"

"Aye, but she's strong enough to fight off 3 grown men?" Arryk grits his teeth as he keeps you upright, "have you not given her medication?"

He sighs, "there is no medication fo-"

"Then what business has she here?" Erryk raises his brows, "you'd keep her to rot?"

The man scoffs, "I am offended, ser, that you think you know better than I when it comes to the health of the princes."

"I do know better," Erryk snaps, "you will not treat her like a prisoner if she asks to leave again."

"Ha!" the maester snaps, "fine! I'm sure the days you've spent gutting men has made you learned in the ways to heal them, ser."

With that, the maesters leave and you feel a weight lifted off your shoulders. You sigh as Erryk turns to you, seeing the hardness of his face soften in real time. You frown, "you should not have done that."

"My duty?" he narrows his eyes, "they had you surrounded like a criminal."

Arryk nods, "I fear they might have bruised you."

You sigh, fighting back tears. You steel yourself away and shake your head, "I should prepare for the funeral."

You do just that and Erryk and Arryk escort you to the funeral. You immediately spot Daemon, but he was stood beside his brother and niece, so you did not think it proper to interlope. You find Alicent standing just a few paces from Rhaenyra and debate to join her, but then you see the Lord Hand farther behind her, and you feel the need to cry.

"Papa," you mumble to yourself as you go to him.

Your father is quick to recognize your distress once you come to him, and quickly takes you under his arm. It is so instinctive, the Cargyll twins are shocked by it. They were supposed to keep close watch on you, but they decided to give you and your father privacy.

Otto had long decided physical affections were no use to you, and yet in this moment, he pulls you into him, securing one arm your shoulders. You press your cheek into his chest as you steal a glance at the king. Viserys stands before two lifeless bodies, and the sight mirrored that of the day your mother died.

You wrap your arms around your father.

He sighs, eyes throwing daggers at the Rogue fucking prince, "did he take the news badly?"

You shake your head, "I have not told him."

Otto sighs again, agitated and disappointed. His face is crestfallen as calls out your name, "what happened then?"

"I am terrified."

Your father tenses and clenches his jaw. He strokes your hair, doing his best to ignore the awful sounds you were making. "The gods with strengthen you, daughter." he turns to Alicent, "I will take care of it, my girl."

After the funeral, once Otto made sure you are taken care off, he goes to his other daughter and asks about the princess. Alicent is quick to explain to him that Rhaenyra is so much like you when your mother died, "I have not seen Rhaenyra in such a state."

Otto offers Alicent a soft smile, placing a hand on her cheek, "you are ever empathetic, daughter, to both the princess and your sister."

"Sister did not look well at the funeral either. I should check up on her."

"That won't be necessary," her father raises a hand, "I've seen to her already. She needs only to rest now."

Alicent slowly nods.

"You ought to offer some empathy to the king however."

The girl tenses at the thought.

"Unlike your princesses, the king does not have people to go to at this time. Even now, he's secluded himself in his chambers. It would be good of you to go to him from time to time, if only to express how you keep him in your prayers."

Alicent tries to make sense of it. She clenches her jaw, "wouldn't it be more appropriate for you to do this, father?"

He chuckles lowly, "how much sadder would he be if a widower offer another widower his bitter prayers?"

She stills at the thought and understands. Or so she thinks.

Otto smiles and places a hand on her shoulder, "it might be best if you keep private your visits to him. You need not explain your concern to Rhaenyra to further distress her."

She nods in understanding. In truth, she does not understand the true intentions of her father, and will not until it is far too late.

As this was happening, you were trying to get ahold of Daemon. You could not for he was quick to leave the funeral right after it concluded. He had seen you crying to your father and wanted to wash his eyes with alcohol, unwanting to behold such a gruesome sight. It stung far too much that you sought comfort in that cunt face. Why didn't you cry to him instead?

Daemon washes alcohol down his throat instead with members of his City Watch at his favorite brothel. Mysaria is there to keep him company and though her touch and words are gentle, he cannot find solace in them like he once did.

The two guards who had found you on the floor earlier today hear about the gathering and go to the prince to tell him what had happened to you.

"Your grace."

Daemon sulks as he stares at a cup of wine. Mysaria, who was stood behind his chair, looks at the men then to the silver haired man, "my prince. These men want to speak to you."

"Wha-what for?" he snaps through a hiccup.

"Your wife, my prince," one says.

Mysaria stiffens, lips parting. She was not a stranger to Daemon's foul moods and prided herself in easily defusing them. It changed when he married the Hightower girl. Though it was evident most of his frustrations stemmed from you, you were too much of a touchy subject, which is why she says, "I do not think he wants to talk about her."

"A whore should not meddle with concerns she cannot understand."

Mysaria scoffs, thinking about how Daemon fucked her once and called out his bride's name. When she brought it up after, he screamed, telling her he doesn't pay her to ask questions. She steps back and crosses her arms, "be my guest then."

One of the two guards lean forward in an attempt to gain the attention of the distracted man, "prince Daemon. We wished to report something regarding your wife."

Daemon ticks. He had been gazing into space, but now he has the wits to pours himself a drink, "is she dead now too?"

The two are taken aback. Mysaria steps back a few paces.

"N-no, your grace. But she-"

"Then do not FUCKING mention her to me!" Daemon snaps, jolting from his seat. His scream was loud enough to cause the noise to cease. He grabs his cup and downs his drink in one go. He then pushes past the two guards and begins to monologue.

"The gods give as the gods take," he says, voice horse and eyes misty. "Try as they may, I am not so easily replaced."

The room is solemn as they look upon the prince. He is clearly distraught and wholly drunk.

He stares at his cup, "wine does not taste sweeter with tears. Tonight, we drink to the Heir For A Day..." he burps, "perhaps he would have liked wine."

Back in the keep, as Alicent leaves her father's quarters, you go to them, which is why you cross paths. She is concerned by how you lean into ser Cargyll's arm as you walk, and immediately comes to your side, "sister?"

"Alicent," you smile, immediately perking up.

"Lady Hightower," the knight greets her.

"It's ser Erryk," you playfully whisper with a smile.

Alicent turns to you and offershim as soft smile, "ser Erryk."

"You spoke to father, surely," you take her hand, making her look back at you, "is his mood grim?"

She shakes her head, "no. He is... relatively placid, I think."

"Good," you break away from Erryk. He assures you are firmly planted on your feet before releasing you, "I can talk to him then."

"Shouldn't you rather be resting?" she asks in concern.

"It is urgent. I-" you shake your head, "I cannot delay any further."

Alicent realizes then that your hair was fully undone and slightly messy now. You were also in your thick velvet robe, and it only causes her further concern. "I know I am not Gwayne, but if there is anything you wish to speak of," she squeezes your hands, "I am hear to lend an ear."

Your lips wobble, but you steel yourself away. You crush your sister into your arms and pepper her cheeks with kisses, "my sweet girl. I am five years your senior. I must lend you my ear." You pull away and cup her cheeks. You frown when you see her glassy eyes, "do not worry for me."

She chuckles rather sadly, "we help but worry always for those we love."

Erryk heart pinches at the solemn exchange of the two sisters. He is glad to know that at least one more person in your family loved you with gentleness. He makes mental note to encourage you to write to your brother.

When Alicent leaves, you take a breath before knocking on the Hand's door.

"Enter."

You walk in and find your father busy at his desk.

"Father."

Otto looks up at you, immediately coming to stand, "what's wrong?"

You close the door behind him, catching Erryk's encouraging gaze. He nods before you shut the door. You turn to you father, finding he was already walking towards you.

He takes your hand, inspecting you. He speaks your name carefully, and it softens your frigid demeanor, "what has happened?"

You smile sadly, "I cannot sleep."

He sighs, partially relieved it is nothing so severe. He walks towards the door, "I will have one of the maids send you warm milk and honey."

"There is something I must tell you," you say, making him stop.

He turns back you, antsy over your serious tone, "if it is regarding Daemon. Do not worry. I have designs to keep him on a leash."

You release his hand and turn to your feet.

His expression hardens. He knows whatever you have to say is grave because you can no longer look at him. He steps forward and takes your cheeks, "daughter."

You look up at him, face stained with tears.

"Go to bed," he wipes your cheeks, "you'll muster the nerve to tell your husband the news soon en-"

"He does not finish inside me, father."

"..."

"I've-" you choke on your breath, "I've spoken about it to the maesters and he's explained it is possible for the seed to take root from premature ejaculation but-"

"Have you strayed?" Otto tightens his hold a fraction.

You are aghast by his statement and rapidly shake your head, "father, I wou-"

"Then there is nothing to fear," he cuts you off, brows tensing, "your child will be born with silver hair and violet eyes, and-"

"Only I inherited your hair color," you mumble, beginning to tremble, "if my child looks too much like me—" you rapidly shake your head, "he will-"

"Enough," he snaps, shaking you slightly.

You chest begins to tighten.

Otto notices and brushes your hair out of your face. He recites the common prayer you used to pray with your mother, "Seven, hear me. Father, strengthen me. Mother, protect me. Warrior, d—"

"Defend me," you sigh, joining in, "Smith, mend me."

"Mend my daughter," Otto mumbles softly.

"Maiden, beautify me," you say together, "Crone, enlighten me. Stranger, guide me."

Otto nods and strokes your hair, "now breathe."

It takes a few deep breaths, but you are calm now. He leads you to the door and opens it. "Oh, good," he says, once spotting your ward, "you're not entirely useless."

Erryk walks over to you, ignoring your father completely as he takes you by the arm.

"Take her to bed and have some warm milk and honey served to her."

"Yes, my lord," he says, though not sparing the lord a glance.

You, however, do, looking back with a soft smile, "good night, father."

He is about to reply, but then comes a servant boy, holding a plate of crackers and cheese, who freezes at the sight of the crowded entry. He thinks he's made a mistake, so he turns to leave, but Otto raises a hand and beckons the boy over, "come."

The boy walks past you, mumble a soft, "milady."

You smile and nod, "good evening."

Erryk eyes him suspiciously as he enters the room but refocuses on walking you back.

Otto closes the door and the boy places the crackers on the table. The man circles 'round to his desk and sits down, "what news do you bring me today?"

"Prince Daemon at the brothel, milord," the boy says, rolling back and forth on his heels.

The Lord Hand's face twists in contempt. He pulls his desk open and procures a cold coin.

The boy gleefully takes it and begins to explain the events that take place.

[cherrysurf]

Tall blonde and evil! | Katsuki Bakugo x f!reader

chapter 8; stupid event ★

Today was the 2024 hottest man award event, the media was buzzing to get everyone with final votes, celebrities have been rushing to get ready and have been talking about said event. You’ve been trying not to pull your hair out from the nerves all morning as for bakugou he’s been sleeping since he decided to wake up at 5am to head to the gym, get a haircut, get a facial, and then a massage got home at 7am left you a message and proceeded to fall asleep so he didn’t have eye bags for the event—

the text made you sigh “typical bakugou” you decided to hop in the shower for a much needed everything shower, as you stand there scrubbing your hair with shampoo you can’t help but think of how different yours and bakugous relationship as grown over the past few months—

sure you bickered and fought especially in the beginning where he almost fired you, but as of late he’s been really nice or as nice as he can be which in some sick sinister way made your stomach feel weird almost in a loving nervous way but why? and as much as you try to figure out some weird odd conclusion or reasoning there seems to be none all you can do is stay professional because at the end of the day makes it’s just nerves from all this build up towards the event that was making you feel this way after all maybe you didn’t really know bakugou as you thought you did. Especially after the interview where he said that one line maybe there's a side to him that you have yet to discover, you roll your eyes at the fact that there is more to this man than just the surface and wait he portrays “ugh i hate when he’s right” you say out loud as you continue to shave your legs—

soon after you step out the shower staring at tonight’s outfit that was hung up on your doorframe rolling your eyes “yayyy” you say sarcastically. Now it was time for your skincare routine because from bakugous words “he wanted the best of the best” whatever the fuck that meant. It was now about 12 in the afternoon when you decided to send Bakugou his lunch and coffee because you knew he was going to wake up soon— then you got a phone call from him not too long after.

“Did you eat?” he said over the phone in a groggy tone.

“no i'm in the middle of my skincare” you responded as you had him speaker while applying an eye mask for the eye bags you’ve been wearing since college.

“why didn’t you buy yourself lunch when you got me some? Are you really that dumb?” he said in more of a mean tone.

“I wasn’t aware I could do that you know?” you say rolling your eyes.

“i can hear your stupid fuck ass eye roll from over the phone ya know…you stress me out so bad i’m gonna grow a grey hair before this event.” he said with annoyance.

“Really i could’ve sworn i saw one coming in already during the interview a couple days ago” you say laughing

“You know i would’ve believed you but i got my haircut today and they checked for me” he said.

“i didn’t know you cared so much about your appearance” you said actually worried if he was insecure

“It's my job to worry about my appearance, gosh anyways i have to go get food i’ll pick you up later goodbye.” he said annoyed hanging up the phone

“bye.” you say even after he hung up the call feeling like you said something wrong? but we’re sure what…

After that embarrassing conversation you throw your phone on the bed and start doing your makeup the goal was to make sure it matched with the dress, so you kept it classy with a nice smooth base and a simple eye look with a bold red lip, you did your hair in old hollywood curls that were very bouncy and sleek “i swear if this isn’t up to bakugou's “standard” im shoving my heel up his ass” you say rolling your eyes as you put on your dress it was almost time for him to pick you up for the event— you put on your heels applied perfume your signature scent of vanilla and cherry, and got your purse and made sure you had stuff to touch up your makeup during the event. You stand in your living room looking at yourself in the mirror nervously and now pacing around your living room until you feel your phone buzzing—

“hey i’m 5 minutes away are you ready?” you hear him say.

“yeah i’m ready” you respond yet your stomach starts to feel like your about to throw up this afternoon's lunch

“Why does your voice shaking?” he asked

“Nervous i guess i mean i am the one who’s gonna be doing most of the talking as you said.” you say rolling your eyes

“You shouldn’t be. Just see them as your co-workers” he responded calmly

“Hopefully that works.” you say taking a deep breath out to ground yourself

“It will. anyways i’m here come outside” he mentions

“k.” you say hanging up the phone

As you walk out your house you find him there waiting for you by the passenger side with the door open “what a gentleman” you say in your head amused and impressed by his whole demeanor that makes you wonder how the night will play out.

a/n- FAT JUICY CLIFFHANGER anyways the gala/event is gonna take place on new years bc i said so, and it makes sense but i hope you enjoy this chapter and are excited for the next chapter aka the new years special

big shoutout to shari for being my motivation on getting this done and helping me!

taglist; @kalulakunundrum @sweetadonisbutbetter @rednicotine @ikissfade @bakugouswh0r3 @allurearia @themultifandomgirl @junehasnotbeenfound @darhinadadragon @kodzubaby @harryzcherry @sahrii @kholethecutie @s4ikooo1 @babylambdietcoke @lover-no-lover61 @sikuthealien @homeless-clown @bookaholicfangirl4life @idexmids

[ayeyolooo]

AVOIDING

your beats blasted look like by chicken p as the wind danced with your curls. you were trying to hurry to class because you were avoiding a certain someone. Ever since eren ghosted for you a few days and then recently explained to you that he believe that he found his person already the person being mikasa, you were doing your best not to feel hurt about it. so you did what you did best, avoiding.

Even though it hurt you, and had to push passed the pain to avoid any drama. You didn’t know what it was, you were just drawn to eren. Loving the way he treated you while the two of you were in a talking stage. Now all of that’s behind you now. you seen eren and his friend group coming up on your right side so you put your head down and sped up your walking. “y/n.” your body went hot and your heart began beating fast. you ignored him and walked into your class.

“aye bra, ion know whatchu did to her but you need to fix it.” ony mummered. “what did you even do eren? i thought you and y/n was good, the praying before every game, doing bible study together, being on the phone all night i dont understand.” connie replied having eren lower his head in defeat. “my dad brought her up, seeing that her and i have gotten closer and seen her with my jacket on.” eren began. “nah man you just can’t seem to leave mikasa alone, knowing good and well she’s not no good for you.” armin side eyed him.

“can i finish?” eren replied. they all nodded. “okay so my dad told my ma how y/n was as a person, and knowing her you know she’s a girls girl, so they both fussed be out saying how i better not hurt her and things like that. and how im not ready for a girl like y/n..” they all hesitated. “wait a minute—.” connie called out.

“your dad.” connie pointed. “coach G, the one that be screaming for no reason, the evil coach protected her!?” ony interrupted. eren nodded and started to play with his rings on his hand. “okay so why does she hate you?” armin pondered. “because i told her how i found my person already, and that i love mikasa, and it’s to an extent with y/n.” the boys all gasped at hearing eren. “eren why did you say it like that? knowing her she was probably crying about it thinking how she wasn’t good enough for you.” eren huffed. “can yall stop, i already feel bad.” armin sucked his teeth. “you should, because y/n is the sweetest person here, if you know that you were going to hurt her, then you should’ve left her alone. and if you knew that you weren’t going to leave mikasa alike you shouldn’t never even started bothering her.” armin defended you, his face started to turn a light red. connie furrowed his eyebrows. “wait why are you riding her meat like that?? yall together or something?” ony jerked his head back at constance’s choice of words.

“nah y/n ain’t like that, if you knew armin and i well enough you would know that she’s like family to us. ever since my dad married armin’s mom y/n’s been coming around more because armin’s mom is her moms bestfriend. and im just pretty much there so we’re like her bestfriends.” ony backed armin up. “ohh type sh-.” eren just shook his head and palmed his hair backwards. “what should i do? she doesn’t want to talk to me.” they all just shook her head. “honestly man you should just let her come around, just leave her, because she’s pretty upset with you at the moment because 1. she feels like you’ve played with her time and 2 she’s going to end up saying something that she’ll regret later, so i’ll advise you to just leave her be.” armin nodded in agreement with ony.

“yeah cause something she needs to work on is speaking while she’s angry, she just allows things to come off of her tongue without thinking about it and then she’ll regret it later.” eren nodded because he noticed that that was true. you did it when you seen him and annie talking about armin, and you told him to come get his jacket and he got upset with you because you were just jumping to conclusions instead of asking him about it. but in your defense they were standing there talking about it for a while, and you couldn’t see as well so you couldn’t see that it was annie and not some random girl.

anyways both you and eren had problems that the both of you needed to fix with yourselves before getting with one another. “i mean eren i dunno man, you hurt her feelings real bad, cause if i was her and you said that to me i would’ve crashed out on you and mikasa.” ony shrugged. “foreal.” connie clapped him up and stated laughing. “bra yall laughing im being dead serious.” they all sucked their teeth. “man just take this L and leave her alone.” they shrugged and began walking to practice.

after practice ended you were walking so that you could ride with armin and ony, as you walked to the benches where they practiced eren began walking in your direction, you sighed your teeth and put your headphones on; white ferrari blasted in your ears as you looked down at your romance book and you picked it up before finishing to where you left off at. “y/n/n.” you heard erens voice. you ignored him.

he took your headphones off and you looked up at him. “what do you want?” you tried your best not to cry. He hurt you, your feelings were all over the place, you were upset that you allowed him to kiss on you, touch you you felt used. You regretted everything, you were disappointed in yourself for getting attached. to him. “can you talk to me please?” he pleased with you. “talk to you about what eren? you told me everything i needed to hear.” you began packing your bag. this was a mistake coming out here i should’ve just waited by their car. you scolded yourself. you stood up, grabbed your headphones from him and began walking.

you were pulled back, erens hand was on your arm. you turned around to erens sweaty face. (his cheeks were rosy red, and his eyes were puffy, while his hair was in a messy ponytail) “leave me alone bra, i don’t want to disrespect you or your girlfriend.” you warned. he just sighed. “would you just allow me to explain y/n? you’re so quick to jump to conclusions you never allow me to explain myself.” eren began to get upset. “you have 10 seconds eren.” you granted him. “why are you ignoring me, and avoiding me y/n?” you scoffed. “are you serious eren?” his eyes moved in confusion. “i’m sorry, i don’t understand you. First you say you found your person, then you chase me down why won’t you leave me alone?” you say. eren just gulped. “you didn’t answer my question..” he responded. “BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT MINE OKAY? i can’t have you, knowing that there’s another girl i just can’t, you love her, not me. i cannot get in between that, so please spare me for not wanting to fall inlovebworh you more, please. Just leave me alone, and let me get over you.

eren’s heart dropped. “don’t say that, you hurt my feelings when you say that.” eren swallowed. “say what eren? that i’m getting over you?? you don’t think you hurt my feelings? Telling me how i wasn’t the person for you? saying how you’ve found your person already almost as if you’ve just used me as a toy ,and as if i was just a place holder til mikasa comes back, do you know how dirty i felt when i got home, knowing that you had a girlfriend , you kissed me and grabbed on me. And me loving you i allowed it, i felt like such a bad person and you don’t even care bro.” tears streamed your face. “just leave me alone eren, stop trying to contact me, just stop it.” you pulled your arm away harshly and walked away sniffing. Eren felt poopy for treating you that way. and he didn’t mean to. erne turned around to seeing that whole football team watching you two. eren just dropped his head in embarrassment as he just took his helmet off of the floor and walked to the locker rooms. ony and armin just looked at eachother before shaking their heads and preparing to walk to the locker rooms.

AN:

i got lazy with the colors at the end lol.. but i’m going to write what yall requested 😭!!

BVOTD!✝️

PSALMS 91!😽

[syscest]

hi im assuming the us vs them post is about a specific term, which one would that be?

so the sysmed out-group term being referenced in the joke post was (as the reblogs guessed) "endogenic", and I'll lay our thoughts out straight just once to avoid being potentially taken the wrong way

I've got two angles here, existential theological linguistic bullshit, and harm-reduction. stay with me here because even if you're not on board with the first thing you'll want to see the second.

so "traumagenic vs endogenic" is a false dichotomy, and I don't just mean "there's a secret third thing", I mean both classifications are fundamentally not real.

personally? we haven't the foggiest idea why we're a system. but the thing is, I don't think anybody else does either - I think it's genuinely impossible to know why your own consciousness is behind your own eyes and controlling your own body, why you *experience* existing in first-person at all. Like shit, lots of singlets believe it's because a soul has been created or introduced to their flesh, and a bunch of others think that's a load of crap and the chemicals just *do this* on their own. Singlets get this unalienable right to believe whatever the hell they want about why they're experiencing being themselves all the damn time, and I refuse to believe that systems are uniquely special in a way that singlets are not such that anyone can fucking flawlessly divine the cause of our consciousness all of a sudden. These are existential-tier questions and to deny their impossible complexity and the right to self-belief over them is, in my eyes, to deny systems something many singlets feel is part of what makes them human.

You can believe all sorts of stuff about the nature of your own systemhood just like how you can believe all sorts of stuff about the nature of your own existence - that doesn't make you definitively right, it's just a meaningful mechanism through which you understand your own experiences that other people should respect - it's like any faith, go figure.

Frustratingly, these words - traumagenic, endogenic - they're not talking about belief, they're objective buckets actively being used for exclusion. So every time we use the term "traumagenic systems", in saying "systems that objectively exist because of trauma" we are saying, loudly, "it is possible to know why a system exists". and frankly? no the fuck it isn't.

Anyway that's airy bullshit and reflects very idealised interactions so - practical, realist opinions, and harm reduction:

Saying "I'm pro-endo" is a net good, though I think "I support all systems" is probably marginally better because it doesn't perpetuate categories pushed by sysmeds for exclusionary reasons as being essential to defining systemhood - as we joked about.

Contrastingly, self-declaring "traumagenic" or "endogenic" in a bio is a net bad. Saying "I'm a traumagenic system" also says "Hello sysmeds, I believe in your dichotomy and I'm one of the good ones" (great way to get sysmed followers), and that factor doesn't go away if you go on to say that you support all systems - you've already thrown away your opportunity to shield more vulnerable systems from harassment through making who sysmeds need to target more obscure.

In fact, regardless of whether your bio says to sysmeds "I am a target" or "I'm not a target", by saying it explicitly, you're pressuring other, more vulnerable systems to similarly self-declare. It's like cis people putting pronouns in their bio to shield trans people from harassment through obscurity and embarrassment, but in reverse - if you shut up about it, and *just* call yourself a plural system, even if you do believe in their categorisations, you stop the propogation of the self-labelling and exclusionists are forced to make themselves look like idiots because most of their harassment would have to be done at random. It's basically herd immunity - nobody talks, everybody walks.

anyway yeah there's context for future, though honestly the section in plural respect is a lot more succinct lmao

[mikuluvu]

A/n: Ehehe, Since yall like my previous work! Thank you <3. I brought you guys some Daisuke fluff :))) Enjoyyy.

Daisuke x fem!reader

Warning: None, just fluff

You sat across from Anya, your usual bragging endless rambling about Daisuke. She leaned on her hand, watching you with an amused expression as you poked at your food packet, barely eating.

“I’m just saying,” you sighed dreamily, “he’s so… thoughtful, you know? Did you see how he fixed the terminal in the utility (Idk what im saying) yesterday? He didn’t even complain about getting grease on his shirt. I would’ve been whining the whole time.”

Anya smirked. “And by ���thoughtful,’ you mean you were staring at him for twenty minutes straight, hoping he’d notice you?”

You shot her a glare but couldn’t help the blush creeping up your neck. “I wasn’t hoping for anything! I just… admire his work, that’s all.”

“Uh-huh,” she drawled, clearly unconvinced. “You’ve got it bad. Why don’t you just tell him already? I’m tired of hearing about how cute his stupid hair looks when he forgets to comb it.”

You groaned, burying your face in your hands. “I can’t just confess to him! What if he thinks I’m weird? Or worse, what if he laughs?”

Anya rolled her eyes. “Daisuke? Laugh at someone? He’s too nice for that. Honestly, he’s so oblivious he probably doesn’t even know you like him. You’d have to hit him over the head with your feelings to get through.”

You mulled over her words the rest of the day, sneaking glances at Daisuke whenever he passed by. He was soft-spoken and a little... awkward, but something about him made your heart race—his quiet kindness, maybe, or the way his lips quirked up when he smiled. He's so energetic you love it sm.

Later that evening, as you sat alone in the couch, you saw him walk in. He paused when he spotted you, looking a little surprised, but he offered you a small smile.

“Hey,” he said softly, sitting a few seats away. “You’re up late.”

You shrugged, trying to play it cool even though your palms were sweating. “Couldn’t sleep. What about you?”

“Same,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s… hard to relax here sometimes.”

For a moment, you stared out at the endless stars on the screen, the silence between you surprisingly comfortable.

Before you could lose your nerve, you blurted, “Daisuke, can I ask you something?”

He turned to you, his dark eyes warm and attentive. “Of course.”

You took a deep breath, your heart pounding like crazy. “I… I like you. Like, a lot. And I’ve been trying to tell myself to just stay quiet about it, but Anya said I should be honest, and… yeah. I think you’re amazing, and I just wanted you to know.”

The words tumbled out in a rush, leaving you breathless and terrified. Daisuke blinked, his expression unreadable for a moment. Then, to your surprise, his cheeks turned pink, and he let out a soft laugh.

“Y-You… like me?” he asked, almost incredulous.

You nodded, feeling like you might melt into the floor. “Yeah. I do.”

A small smile spread across his face, shy but genuine. “That’s… wow. I didn’t expect that. I mean, I’ve always thought you were really kind and funny, but I never thought you’d…” He trailed off, scratching the back of his neck again.

“Feel the same way?” you offered, a little hopeful.

He nodded. “Yeah. I… I like you too.”

Relief and excitement flooded through you, and you couldn’t help the grin that broke across your face. “You do?”

He laughed again, soft and sweet. “Yeah. I do. I just didn’t know how to say it.”

“Well,” you teased, feeling a newfound confidence, “I guess it’s a good thing I beat you to it.”

A/n: UEHEJEIWIWHE WHY IS DAISUKE SO CUTE AND LITERALLY ENERGETIC <3 I LUV HIM SM! BTW, THX FOR READING! SUPPORT ME THROUGH KO-FI

[solidaritygaming-fanblog]

NEEED MORE from the liml jimmy and esmp joel au omgomgggg

heeheheheheh alright here u go... also im calling this au officially Tick of the Hourglass (until I find a better name). So welcome to the world baby tothau

LIML! JIMMY AND ESMP! JOEL:

I don't have much for them sadly. I think L!Jimmy is the happiest out of all the main cast, specifically because he buckles down and stays optimistic. He does have a couple moments where he breaks down, but he's able to recover. I can't decide wether or not for him to remember his final death, and to what degree (memories getting hazy and unrelaiable the closer to his death, clear up until the moment of impact, remembering tripping or going up there and nothing else). E!Joel is in a weird position- here's someone who looks like one of his friends, walks, talks, acts exactly like him- but isn't this worlds version of him. He is trying to find out how to get L!Jimmy back to his home, but at the same time want's him to stay. E!Jimmy lowkey hates him, and has been missing for a while (two weeks when L!Jimmy appears). This version of Jimmy is nice to him (like his version used to be) and loves his empire, and he feels guilty. He purposefully hinders himself from making progress on finding L!Jimmy a way home just so they can be together longer. He hides the existance of Tumble Town and the whole toy joke from L!Jimmy, and acitverly threatens anyone who trys to bring it up.

Ultimately, L!Jimmy finds one of the old dolls, and remarks on it looking like him. There's a bit of confrontation before Joel breaks down and tells him everything about E!Jimmy- the toy stuff, Tumble Town, how he's been missing. L!Jimmy is shocked, but after getting over, he immediately begins instructing E!Joel on how to repair their relationship once E!Jimmy is found/returns. Maybe E!Joel even takes L!Jimmy on a trip to Tumble Town (with copious amounts of disguising of course, the two Jimmy's look nearly identical which helps nothing) so he can understand E!Jimmy more.

ESMP! JIMMY AND LIML! JOEL:

Oh god. I can't even communicate the thoughts I have about them with words. Okay lets try

Both of them are extremely secretive about their pasts. All E!Jimmy knows is that L!Joel looks incredibly different (different eye color and streak color, different styles, different height) and that something happened to his Jimmy. Something maybe bad (doesn't know all the details) that made him burst out sobbing and tackle E!Jimmy into a hug when they first recovered from being tossed into the Twixt (what i'm calling the vanilla world they got marooned). And all L!Joel knows about E!Jimmy is that hes jumpy and very obivously traumatized. He doesn't like taking of his jacket (hiding any seams or articulated limbs) and has mentioned (a few times) someone or someones who made his life a living hell.

Eventually, after going on a rampage when E!Jimmy dies in front of him, E!Jimmy tells L!Joel that he want's to help him but can't if he doesn't know what happened. So L!Joel tells him all about Limited Life. Like everything. Even seeing L!Jimmy die and going crazy. E!Jimmy is shocked, but glad L!Joel told him, and actually avoids a few behavoirs after this (IE STANDING NEAR LARGE DROPS. JOEL'S HEAD NEARLY EXPLODED A FEW TIMES FROM STRESS)

It takes a couple days, but E!Jimmy (while checking some of L!Joel's wounds) finally tells him about Empires. He's really vague at first, just an overview like "oh, yeah, i got bullied and my body was literally transformed against my will", but L!Joel gets him cornered (idk in which way. physical or metaphoricaly) and makes him say everything. And boy does he say EVERYTHING. He breaks down sobbing (because no ones shown this level of caring for him in a bit) and tells him all about the toy stuff and his relationship with E!Joel. How he just wanted to be close to him and hoped that if he took the jokes, it would make them friends, but instead E!Joel just kept hurting him, and he couldn't ever fight back.

Long story short L!Joel gives multiple run downs to E!Jimmy on how to stand his ground and clearly draw his boundires. They're each others rock, each others constant only thing. It's incredibly adorable.

Woah that took me nearly an hour! I'm going to go make ramen and dumplings (its 1:30 am in my time zone rn). I hope this is enough lmao

[castiellesbian]

to comment on what i said here

im one of those ppl who thinks that 1) dean's in-real-time reaction to cas's confession was very in-character and 2) both 15x19 and 15x20 were extremely out of character for like everybody involved.

jensen's acting choices notwithstanding, dean had previously been established as not necessarily emotionally stunted (because if anything HE is the one who always actually wants cas and other characters to come forward with their feelings) BUT at the same time he is very bad at dealing with other people's feelings IN REGARDS TO HIM. especially when those feelings are POSITIVE or absolving him of something he had done (<- hilarious considering how much plot armor he has in general, but that's another conversation). this is the same man who literally altered his own memory of how the purgatory escape went down just because he couldn't believe that cas would do that. like he'd rather believe it was his fault somehow.

in my perfect world where 15x19 and 15x20 were actually good and addressed the established issues and storylines instead of just creating new bullshit out of nowhere and just tossing any and all characterization and development out of the window, dean has a longer breakdown over cas's passing because in no way in hell does that actually work on him as something that makes him feel better about himself. like when dean refused to kill chuck because supposedly cas's words worked on him? i laughed! like sure. that's a good gesture, i guess. but dean was like in real time processing what cas was saying, the fact that cas was saying it, and the fact that it was cas's final words. (<- them not going to save cas is SOOOOO out of character but we've all already said it. but what is there left to do but to say it again. same abt letting dean just die in 15x20 but again. what else is there to fucking do.)

i think this is a very possible thought process for dean during/after the confession:

angry at himself for letting this happen ("i just led us into another trap [...] because i just needed something to kill, and because that's all i know how to do" <- most of castiel's confession is basically a response to this line. so if dean had not said that, cas's confession would have probably gone from a different angle imho)

resigned to their fate while still angry at himself ("everybody's gonna die, cas. everybody. i can't stop it." <- notice how he says i and not we and not sam and i and not all of us. it's literally just him. he absolves everybody else from this.)

shock at cas's news about the deal, but there is no time to really react to what cas is saying because he's saying MORE THINGS now.

processing the happiness aspect of it. processing the "one thing i want / i know i can't have" part.

"what are you talking about, man?" <- i dont think dean is actually confused about WHAT cas is saying, i think he just feels them running out of time.

NOW he has to like. process all the things cas is saying about him. and how it CHANGED cas. again, at the SAME time as he's processing that THIS IS IT. like, the final countdown.

wanna make a note abt jensen's acting here: there are a couple moments where he does that thing where his jaw clicks when he swallows because you KNOWWWWW dean wants to argue abt the things cas is saying but he isn't saying anything because of like the gravity of the situation and his respect for what cas is doing. even though he'd literally lock himself in the ma'lak box before actually internalizing any of the things he's saying. AND he's forced to keep eye contact the entire time.

"why does this sound like a goodbye?" <- it almost sounds like he's trying to make a joke because he KNOWS it's a goodbye but he wants cas to say it. no, wrong, he wants cas to say that it ISN'T but he knows that it is and he is giving him an out because hope dies last.

and he's ready to say something else before -

...

well.

cas confesses his feelings. i think it kind of clicked for dean during the monologue but actually hearing it out loud was like. the wax seal.

"don't do this, cas" <- don't do this for me, cas. i'm not worth it. we can find something else, we always do. we could die together. i can't lose you.

...CAS

.............................

and then of course dean sits on the cold ground for hours, ignores sam's call, and cries.

all that is to say. i don't think dean listened to cas say all this because he believes all of that to be true about himself, but more out of respect for cas and just letting him speak uninterrupted. he DOES believe that cas thinks this. but i don't think it's reached dean, or ever would, at least not in this show's continuity with the next two episodes.

dean is always processing the events through the reasoning of "what did i do", "what can i do", "what was my part in this". even other people's failures he considers his own, like even when he blames cas or sam for something there's an underlying note of "if only i had been better at looking after you" sentiment.

so after listening to cas spell out all the ways HE changed cas, how HE caused cas to fall (a separate shoutout to chuck in 15x17 for mentioning cas's rebelling in connection to saving dean), how HE let cas fall for him all just because of what he is... and how the happiest moment of his life, the thing that is about to trigger the deal for his DEATH, is all because of him... and even then, the fact that cas doesn't even believe he can have what he wants... like, cas believes all those good things about dean, and yet he's still not good enough for that? ("you can't even dream a whole dream, can you?" <- the holdovers 2023) either way, dean leads cas to his slaughter.

BONUS THOUGHT/STACKEDNATURAL: "i'm the one who will have to watch you murder the world. so if there's even a small chance that we can save you, i won't let you walk out of this room." / "oh, you think you have a choice"

TLDR: i think dean wouldnt internalize what cas said abt him in his confession for a long long time, but instead would actually blame himself for cas's death bc if dean hadn't changed cas then cas would still be alive bc dean thinks he ruins every single thing he touches and never actually let himself truly believe otherwise <3

YES like dean ALSO thinks the very touch of him corrupts.

I really like your point about how dean wants to argue but stops himself because he understands the gravity of the situation. he understands, even with everything else, that cas needs to say whatever he's saying. after all, cas isn't the kind of person who wastes time with no purpose. hell, he didn't even let dean say what he wanted to say in purgatory (15x09) because they were running out of time to get through the portal (funny how it always comes back around to portals with these two).

I do like dean's "that's not who I am" moment with chuck but I agree that it doesn't really work for that episode, or that timing. they didn't get cas back, he's barely been able to process cas's death (plus it's annoying given he's back to torturing in the NEXT episode, but I digress). even if they had done something with dean and jack maybe I could buy that character progression from dean, but they didn't and one episode is not long enoughhh and tbh kind of skips a few steps before dean would be able to absorb that part of cas's confession. even if we put aside the fact that they should have gone to rescue cas, dean's grief process should be like:

processing cas is dead

processing cas is in love with him

processing cas "not being able to have" happiness and what cas even means by happiness

processing cas has never been happy and the implications of THAT

processing like everything else in cas's confession lol

[llannasvsp]

We always talk about the way Morro and Kai reacted to not being the Green Ninja. I live for those fanfics, textposts, edits, fanart, literally anything. However: as the resident Lloyd girlie / kin / whatever, I need to know how he feels and what he's thinking when people get obsessively jealous of his destiny.

Everyone sees the power and the glory that goes with the title. What they don't see is the pain, hardship, and loss that goes with it. The glory comes from destroying the people you love. The hardship happens because no matter what, it's never over. Evil will always re-manifest itself, meaning your destiny is never complete.

People like Kai (formerly) and Morro long for the title. But I can only imagine Lloyd hates it. Wishes he could change his life. Wishes he could just hand it on to someone else, but he knows he can't, because he is the only one who can take the burden of it. He wishes he could explain how horrible it is, but no one will ever see, because he keeps the darkness inside (I have a whole rabbit trail on this that I will probably talk about later).

"We never chose these mantles we hold." "I know. It's hard to live a normal life." - Harumi and Lloyd, Sons of Garmadon

I'm rambling about Lloyd again... but seriously. I want to know how he feels in these moments.

[puppyeared]

horrible truth bomb dropped on my head 20 min ago

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

[perilegs]

i know astrology is fake but i'm not too keen on how a lot of people on this website seem to be clowning on it as a hobby a bit too hard. i swear the woman who thinks it's neat how she and her friends with the same sun sign are all similar isn't trying to say that you are who you are born as and there is nothing you can do to change it. it's a hobby. an interest. what happened to finding meaning and joy in the small things. does it affect you if someone enjoys tarot reading or crystals. does it make you upset someone has interests that they enjoy.

[k1tty5]

hello :D please tell me more about your mezalian (is that how you spell it??) smalletho I will forever be indebted to you

(they are gorgeous I love them sm)

hey hi !! it would be my pleasure … (and I’ve been spelling it mezalean ??? but i have no idea LOL. there might be a canon spelling but i havent watched joels esmp1 since… probably since it ended. i will have to check sometime)

apologizing in advance because i will probably get very ramble-y!!

ummm. Oh god. How to start. Lets see. WELL. In this silly little au (i guess it has become a bit more than just me doodling designs LOL) in my head they have like this sort of zelink dynamic? obviously without all the zelda lore & stuff, just that kind of … okay forgive me I haven’t brushed up on my zelink lore for a good many years but. Like the princess and her personal knight that doesn’t really talk much sort of thing.

this made more sense in my head. But yeah. They have the vibes of zelink ? At least if i remember zelink right, I have a really bad memory :’) not exactly the same, i do think etho talks to joel (whereas if iirc link never really talks) - especially after getting to know him a bit - but just. they have the Vibes. You know?

I reckon Joel’s definitely very into sculpting in this au, maybe dabbles a little in painting - I imagine mezalea to be very heavy on art and expression in general. think you’d especially see lots of pottery and textiles all around the place. He probably also has an interest in some form of like. um. whats the word. Some sort of … fighting. lmao. Specifically thinking of fencing, i had this idea in my head that he’s watched Etho practice outside the palace at some point and is just absolutely fascinated and enamored. by both the practice and etho himself haha.

and for etho… talented swordsman? he is Not washed. i dont really have many ideas for his character in this au To be completely honest, mostly just of his personality. Although, I alsooo think he’s probably not actually from mezalea? I like to draw him with those pointy elf ears, and i think mezaleans are just humans. I cant remember if thats canon or not but um. mezaleans have human ears, so i’d imagine etho’s probably from like.. rivendelle? Is that. What it’s called. The elf guys? Are they elves??? Goodness I cant remember. Grimlands would make sense too since i THINK they’re kind of like. technical engineer guys? but i dont know what species they are um so ,,, yeah,,,,

i think joel’s probably a bit put off by etho at first, mostly just because he’s not super enthused about the idea of a personal guard, but also because the guys a bit odd, you know? but he’s also probably suuuper intrigued by him. he wants to figure this new guy out, and when they start talking a bit more, i think. They are both incredibly charmed by the other. head over heels? possibly.

most of my ideas of this au are just little scenes that are cute and silly but dont follow any main plot. I would love to write some one-shots of some of the ideas i have in the future, but as of right now im experiencing a bout of creative burnout and am busy with the holidays - spending time with family, so… not right now lol!

hopefully this is what you wanted,,,, i tend to get very ramble-y when talking about literally anything, so i do apologize for that haha, i am Not good at explaining things in simple ways, as i’ve said many a time before.

[skishie]

ask me about my sanrio x solar opposites cross over collab

[lightbulb-warning]

i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself

[milkbreadtoast]

my s class hunters does a really good job at gradually raising the stakes without feeling like a pointless power creep and keeping me extremely invested and i keep saying this but I really do think it's bc it's a story grounded in love at every turn... the bond between the han brothers especially is extremely compelling and beautiful and makes me feel like a knife is being stabbed into my heart and twisted all around... i love them so so much 😞💔❤️‍🩹❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥