#i feel like im reblogging this for the 6th time

[anotherpapercut]

people acting like there isn't still very much an active stigma against cannibas and cannibas users is going to be my joker origin story

when i go to the doctor they still put cannibas use under the tab "substance abuse". not even just substance use. it is fully assumed that people who use cannabis, even as a prescription medication, are abusing it. just because you're friends with a couple of dumbass stoners doesn't mean that we've abandoned the idea as a culture that weed is a bad and scary and dangerous and highly addictive drug that will ruin your life if you use it once

[brights-place]

Dating Branch

Pairings: Branch X Reader Warnings: Fluff A/N: I didn't do this one yet so IM HANDING IT OVER YAYYY! Im so sleep deprived please send help!

- This man was so lonely (MY POOR LOVE)

- Like I mean SOOOO lonely his grandma was eaten and his brothers where somewhere and he hid in an bunker 24/7

- he was rude and sassy to everybody but you... because you found him when he was crying when he witnessed his grandma get taken...

- you comforted him so much he found comfort whenever you were around unless it was with others he’d be harsh but less harsh towards you when they where around

- He’s growing as an person slowly (FOREVER THANKFUL FOR THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT)

- Sassy but lovable and caring

- you stood out unlike the others was it your appearance? Was it your voice? Was it the way your eyes shined when singing and dancing with the other trolls? He didn’t know but his heart felt something - he took note that you were comfortable and chaotic with people you were close with well with everybody just like every other troll - You two would hangout together cause most of the time you understood his boundaries but sometimes he'd push them just for you - Branch was a recluse for many years, not wanting to have any close relationships with anybody afraid the got hurt -He felt that it isn't fair that he was forced to live in isolation for so long, and was waiting for the right person to come into his life. When he met (name) he felt instantly drawn to their fun personality, and how well they complimented each other. - YOU! made him feel wanted and understood, and it made Branch's heart melt.

- he was completely stunned by how pretty you were and your easygoing attitude made him feel like he could trust you. - You both shared so many similar beliefs, and he felt like she understood him in ways nobody else ever had.  - He would always stare at you whenever you hangout Branch felt himself growing fonder and fonder of being around you - Branch would smile at you most of the time as poppy points it out quickly branch smiling at you dancing and singing - "OH MY GOSH YOU LIKE (NAME!" Poppy squealed as branch coevered her mouth "Shut up!" - This guy is so sweet he probably was given tips by bruce about how to flirt ( T U T ) - He tries his best to flirt with you which he succeeds in and smiles a bit at the sight of you smiling and giggling - After awhile he took you out on an date and kissed on the first night on your date as he took you out to stargaze as you held hands looking up to the stars as he ranted and told you about the stars - I headcannon he got so bored he learned about space and other things that he learnt - You two started officially dating after going on your 6th date as you two would be seen more and more cuddling and smiling at eachother

- Holding hand is normally all you get with the occasional kiss from you of course always initiating physical touch since Branch is to afraid to do it first

- You fell first and He fell harder

- Even if he's sarcastic and not knowing what to do first he'd soon know exactly what to do after abit

- Wants to his best to make sure you’re feeling alright and okay around him I mean he's your boyfriend why wouldn't he do that?

- Shy about Pda in public but in private he peppers your face with kisses and teases you for fun while you giggle - When he gets overstimulated by the loud noises he goes to you straight away

- Definitely starts to try find wherever you are after he's had a bad day or had been in his head too long

- He never really knows when he’s doing anything right or wrong as far as the relationship so he depends on your hair to know which path to take

- Your info dumping soothes him, wether he likes it or not

- He plays it off subtly but he knows how to fluster you and he takes pride in that

- He dances and sings to you as you sing along with him dancing together before always ending up kissing at the end together if your just singing together

reblogs + comments are appreciated ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

©brights-place 2024 — do not repost on another platform, copy, translate or edit my works! if you fit my DNI list please don't interact!

[sushis-wild-imagination]

Let’s Get Married (Chapter 2)

Lets get Married Masterlist

General masterlist

Words: 2k ish

Summary: date number 2

Notes: Im terribly sorry for those who waited for 2 years for me to finally update this story. Life happened. Thats all the excuse I have. Hoping to continue this series this time.

Taglist: [Ive tagged everyone that commented and has reblogged previous chapters, text me if you want on or off the list!]

@lunathewritingcat @jtrstp @povkths @yeontaegu @wishyouwere-sober @suyaaachin @peachgukie @anemogae @l33j3n8 @richauntsstuff @cherrriesss @seongstarlight @solaimnida @aak22 @darkprincessriddle @rosielvrr @charlie-xo @iamthehotdemon @mitchii @gojonastyslut @sugaglaze93 @internetmultifandomfangirl @roceanss @cheols-hands @deltaromeo3 @everyw0nu

————

“Is there places you want to go to?” He asks while driving with both his hands on the wheel.

You and Dohyun were on another date, this time going to an amusement park. You had written a list of things you wanted to do with your partner and they converted that into chits. You knew Dohyun’s suggestions were also in the chit box. The staff gave you a box to pick a piece of paper from, that is what you would be doing today. Lee Do Hyun being the gentleman he is, he let you pick. You picked one of your own chits which said ‘a date to an amusement park”

The bad part was, you weren’t too thrilled, you weren’t a big fan of amusement parks, now that you know its Dohyun, you also know he isn’t a big fan of amusement parks either.

“Oppa will take you everywhere you want to go, let’s go” he says playfully while driving.

“What oppa, I’m 3 months older” you smack his arm playfully.

“What? When is your birthday? Nuna?” You laugh out loud at the hilariousness of it all.

“Its 6th January”

He lets out an “aah” sound like he realised something.

“So nuna…” he starts teasingly

“Yah!” You smack his driving arm playfully and he decides to play along by acting like he’s losing control of the car because of the hit.

“You’re gonna get us killed” you joke. The mood in the car was light, just like how you wanted.

You had packed some sandwiches for the both of you. You pulled it out getting a little hungry because you hadn’t had breakfast yet.

He eyes your sandwich and pouts. You notice that.

“I have one for you too, are you hungry?” You ask and suddenly his face brightens up.

You giggle at that and mutter ���cute” under you breath.

You open his sandwich and go to feed him but he holds out his hand instead. It was very awkward.

“Im sorry” you quickly apologise and hand it to him.

“Were you gonna feed it to me?” He asks giggling.

“I wasn’t thinking, its just easier with both hands on the wheel” you say in attempts to defend your dumbass move. You were so embarrassed you start looking out the window.

“Feed it to me” he says and your head turns to him at that.

“No, no its okay, its too weird”

“This is how we break the awkwardness y/n” he says and hands his sandwich back to you.

He opens wide and you couldn’t even meet his eyes, you look away while shoving the sandwich in his face, you just wanted this to be over, you were red with embarrassment.

The car stops at a red light and he looks over. “Look at me, you’re shoving food up my nose” he says acting annoyed.

You do exactly that again looking at him straight in the eye. That makes him giggle too.

You finally reach the amusement park, luckily it wasn’t too crowded because it was a weekday, but wearing heels was definitely not the correct choice. You could already feel the pain that you would experience at the end of today.

You walk around for a bit, you end up getting some cotton candy.

“Do you like rollercoasters?” He asks you, you shake your head while you munch on cotton candy.

“Do you want some?” You offer to him and he ends up taking the biggest bite known to man. Half of your cotton candy has disappeared.

“YAH LEE DO HYUN” he chuckles and take off running. You end up chasing him for cotton candy.

“Stop stealing my fo-“

Thud.

You fall on your face. It wasn’t a pretty site but you’ve been trained on how to handle these situations. You end up giggling and sitting pretty because a camera was always following you.

“Are you okay?” You could hear concern in his voice as he rushes to you to help you up.

You look at the broken heel.

“I knew it, I had a bad feeling” you say as you take his hands and try to stand straight.

“Are you sure you’re not hurting anywhere?” He asks meanwhile all you could focus on was your wasted cotton candy. You stare at the cotton candy on the floor, now dirty and inedible.

“My cotton candy is ruined” you say sounding genuinely sad and that makes him laugh out loud.

“Ill buy you another one” he says softly while trying to get you to the closest bench to take a seat.

He examines you feet for scratches and turns so his back is facing you.

“Hop on” he was going to give you a piggyback ride. No way.

“No, no, Im fine to walk” you argue but he insisted harder.

“We’ll go to the souvenir store and get you some flipflops cmon” he said patting his back indicating you to get on it.

You give in and gently put your arms around his neck and feet around his waist. Are you dreaming? What has your life come to? These kind of questions wonder in your mind.

“Am I heavy?” You ask him feeling guilty he has to carry you, but it makes great tv and both of you know that.

He suddenly acts weak and acts like you’re too heavy acting like he’s losing balance.

“Yah Lee Dohyun” you complain shaking his shoulders.

“You’re gonna fall again if you keep that up” he says and you stop.

The walk to the souvenir store was about 5 minutes, you could see all the rides and the places at the amusement park. You were excited but you were also scared of rides. You were mentally preparing yourself to go on them.

“You have to get me more cotton candy please” you say and he sticks out his pinky finger saying

“I promise”

You intertwine your pinky finger with his and stamp it.

“Tell me one thing, if you don’t like rollercoasters, why did you pick it as a date venue?”

You were embarrassed again, the second time today. “I’m not sure, couples look cute on amusement park dates”

He chuckles at that. “Today is going to be eventful” he says as he goes into the store and he still hasn’t put you down.

“Put me down”

“Its too dirty”

You point at a purple slipper and he had to squat to get it. That really wears him out you hear him groan.

“Yah put me down if its hard” you say and try to wiggle out.

“Its not” you could hear his laboured breathing but you couldn’t slip out successfully.

He eventually puts you on a chair and slides on the flip flops like you’re Cinderella. You couldn’t tell if it was for the cameras or not but you didn’t mind it.

“Thanks” you say to him before getting back on your feet.

“You owe me cotton candy” you say as you skip ahead to the store. He chuckles shaking his head.

While you get cotton candy, you hear a rollercoaster right above you. It was finally the time to go on these rides, what you actually came here for.

“Loser rides this” you say pointing at the rollerscoaster that just passed over you head. You could see him gulp.

“Rock paper scissors” you do a surprise attack.

You pull out a rock.

You sink to the floor. Its always the ones that suggest such ideas.

He had pulled out paper. He won. You had to ride the roller coaster.

“Trial round, lets go again once please” you beg him while you were on the floor. He says nothing and only walks to the part where you watch the rollercoaster laughing so loudly like he was a villian in a disney movie.

“Bye y/n” he says without turning back to look at you.

“Such a jerk” you say jokingly and stand in the queue for the rollercoaster. You were terrified, it looks dangerous. All the loops and the turns freaked you out.

“You’re dead if I die, Lee Do hyun” you yell out for him to hear.

“Sure” he responds as loudly and sarcastically.

You somehow get on the ride and finish it. It was horrible. You suddenly remembered why you don’t like rollercoaster. You were nauseous and dizzy. You genuinely thought you were going to die.

You walk towards the bench dohyun was sitting on and decide to do another surprise attack as soon as you are in 3 meters radius from him.

“Rock paper scissors” you yell suddenly and thw trick works. You won with rock this time and immediately jumped into a celebration dance.

“Lets go! You’re turn bye Dohyunah”

You hear him groan and hang his head. He was forced to ride the viking. It looked thrilling. All you could hear was do hyun shrieking throughout. You laughed everything you heard a scream. It was hilarious to you.

When he got off all you heard was “you’re dead” from him.

You have a lot of fun watching him and eating the rest of your cotton candy. He gets off the ride and walks towards you.

“I’m going to puke” you immediately try to get away from him while he puts in hands on your shoulders and acts like he’s going to puke on you. You try to push him off almost screaming not to puke on you.

“Lee do hyun, don’t do it, don’t do it” you warn, squirming.

He stops acting and pulls away. “Gotcha” he says and takes away the last piece of cotton candy in your hand and stuffs it in his.

“Lee Do hyun, compensate my cotton candy now” you yell while he kept walking away.

“Compensate?” He giggles. He does end up buying you some churros.

You take some cute coupley pictures and some selfies where you force him to do a heart and look cute.

Next you go to the haunted house. You absolutely dreaded this. But you had to to make the show more interesting. You were literally working.

You slowly walk in subconsciously holding on to his arm for dear life even before entering.

It was over, you were finally out and your make up was running your hair was all over the place, you had bunched up Dohyuns shirt in your fist at his torso. Your knuckles were white. It was horrible, you definitely cried.

You sink to the floor as soon as you get out. “I’m never doing that again”

—-

You were now in his car, covered in cameras so you throw up a peace sign and strike a pose while he gets into the drivers seat.

You turn on the radio meanwhile, it blares somi’s new song, but you immediately turn it down.

“Why did you turn it down, she was “dumb dumb”ing, i love that song” dohyun complains.

“Wont it get copyrighted?” You look over at him with eyes wide.

It strikes him and makes an Oshape with his lips, agreeing that you’re right.

“Whats your type?”

“I like clingy girls, its cute”

“Lee do hyun!” You whine out of no where, clinging to his bicep, making jokes. He burst out in laughter.

“I think we should give each other nicknames, what do you like to call someone you love?”

“I’ve done baby before, but what if its something only we can call each other?”

“Did you have something in mind?” He asks looking over at you in the passenger seat. He looked perfect.

“Do-do” You immediately spit out like you’ve given it thought all your life and now was your turn to say it.

“That was fast, someone’s been thinking about me” this makes the blood rush to your cheek. That maybe true.

“Im gonna call you snowflake”

If you had coffee, you could've spit it out.

“Why?”

“Cause we met in the snow”

A big smile creeps up your face. It was cute.

“What about my type, will you not ask me back?” You say trying to change subject.

“I know your type, its me” he brags and earns himself a playful smack to his bicep and some giggles.

——

Im so sorry this took so long!

[itstokkii]

wrt my last reblog, im going to throw some thoughts...

my first thought as I saw the news was that the majority of our people here have lived through the time of dictatorship and martial law. my academy teacher, for example, was seventeen, a year younger than me, when the dictatorship fell and the 6th republic was established. it's a little gut wrenching because whoever I pass in the street, hypothetically I could stop them and ask about living in that time and they could tell me. now to have lived through one dictatorship and seeing the shadows of another one, feeling like the past korea tried to run from is coming back...

and on saturday, as I watched the impeachment vote(which failed, disappointingly) with my family, news outlets were reporting about people paying nearby coffee chains to make 100 cups of coffee for free so that protesters can take them. some taxis refused to charge protestors because they would be standing in the cold for hours and doing the people a service. many people shared a common sentiment as they were being interviewed, that they felt like it was their job to do whatever they can, that one way or another, the people will always prevail. i hope that the people will be even more motivated to fight against political apathy from now on...

[urlsaremeaningless]

collection of funny things people I know have said (part 3)

Feel free to change pronouns as needed <3 have fun! please reblog this if you enjoy it.

im like a 6th month old puppy, im fully grown, buuut-

I love screaming

BEACUSE ITS CHEEEESE!

did we send a dog to Mars?

....we sent a dog AT Mars

Oh, the humanoid keeping cage

We are rehydrating the world leaders with Gatorade

They took away the rabbits titties

Would you peepee in your own bed?....why are you not answering?

I was thinking about how stupid koalas are.

you wouldn't watch censored hentai in public would you?

[name] that man is not wearing pants

the plot thiccccquens

Pittsburg is the germany of Pennsylvania

no no this is not the first time we've had this EXACT conversation....hey [name] whats wrong with our friendship

This is indeed a choice we have made.

I have taken up the MANTLE to read these

So you see, the hamburglar made his debut in 1971, and he looked like a preteen, which means he was probably born in the 1960s, which means he's probably around 60 years old.

you hear that, [name]? No one gives a shit if my ass is toasted!

I would say they are beefing, but the beef started with a can of soup, so I suppose they are actually souping

sometimes, i like to rub myself in vasaline and then i like to crawl on the ground, and pretend im a slug

Less daddy, more dead-y.

We drove through the entirety of Colorado and didn’t see one moose. And frankly, I’m offended.

1000% out of context, it makes sense as a joke i swear

I promise i will never send anyone a dick pick

I can't believe I got jumpscared by a penis

Second printing? Bitch I'm worth a first run

He SHOULD be FLUFFY!! >:|

an octopus has 8 tentacles, so logically if it has only 1, I'm calling it a unipus

[name] is wingdings 1 and im wingdings 2

im not gonna cry over a god damn drone in a fucking porn game

im gonna buy like a billion candy apples....so like two

I know they call them monsters but this is just slavery

we're just trying to get characters to fuck, [name]. stop looking too deep into things!

year nog egg round

Like religious text wise?.... it’s not. But i am fine with it.

Ooooo it burns a little bit when you get more than a tongue full

panic at Nabisco, where you just drop a pack of oreos on the dance floor

[wildernezz]

woahahaha im finally making an intro blog no wayyy, also dont mind me spreading my reblog > likes agenda

about me:

hey ho im wildernezz and we be ballin af. i'm an osdd-1b system and i might be more open about that later but i also maybe not who knows lol. i do animation, edits, writing, regular art, kinda anything art-related honestly, but i usually just post digital art here. pronouns are whatever tf you want but i prefer he/him. here's some other random stuff i can rattle off: infj, gemini, i like witchcraft, once made an album that currently has 200 pictures of joe keery because i thought it'd be funny, also once restarted the soviet union in 6th grade, currently making a presentation on david aames' mental stability for algebra, overanalyzing film is my only real personality trait, and i think bugs are funny-looking. anyways we vibe.

fandoms:

multifandom as all hell, but here are the ones i'm most consumed by currently and you can expect to see a lot of.

Dead Poets Society

Death Note

Homestuck

Musicals (BMC especially) & Film stuff in general

other fandoms that i'm also a part of but post less frequently about:

Camp Camp

Eddsworld

My Little Pony

Sanders Sides

Stranger Things

Undertale

there's a boat load of other fandoms but i don't engage that much in those so they're not entirely worth mentioning.

feel free to ask me for doodles btw. im always looking for ideas loll.

links:

here's some other places you can find me but they're honestly not that important since i'm only really active here.

abandoned youtube #1

semi-abandoned youtube #2

also abandoned twitter account

surprisingly not completely abandoned ao3 account

my spotify & pinterest if you want those ig idk this is all i got guys

also this other side blog where i analyze people from time to time: @analyzing-people-like-hell along with my cringier side blog @nezz-cringe-crib

friends!!:

here's some of my friends who are very cool and you should check out :3

@awesomejedie (all kinds of cool thingies!!!! i think of it as a silly treasure box filled with random goodies :33)

@b0cc (posts many awesome art stuff :D)

@chick3nbot1000 (reblogs fun stuff and every now and then posts fun random stuff)

@dandebbfan (posts random cool stuff about her interests that are fun to see)

@saucelys (FUNKY ART PERSON WHO DOES FUNKY ART THINGS AND OTHER STUFF AAAGAGAGA)

thats all i can think of rn. i'll probs add more later but for now we ball B)

[bunnybeeofficial]

SOOOO totally happy 2 b here!!! im soooo happy 2 meet u all

do u want 2 b happy?

do u want 2 b beautiful??

do u want 2 b mine???

((RULES AND OOC UNDER THE READMORE))

((another blog by me, bunny, the person who came out of nowhere swinging SEMI-LUKEWARM

CAUTION, TRIGGERS AHEAD, NOT ALL WILL BE TAGGED

honey will randomly blip out of existence with my motivation and energy levels! This does NOT mean that she wouldn't be communicating with your OCs during this time. I know it sucks to pilot an npc but please don't just assume honey is ignoring your oc, i seriously do not have the spoons to be as actively extroverted as her. i am an introvert.

theres going to be So much eyestrain on this blog, like to the point that almost every post would have an eyestrain tag, so please keep that in mind!

gifs are tagged "gif" queue tag is "supes cute" food stuff is "yummy stuff" nails are "perfectly painted" art tag is "artsy shit" selfie tag is "super cute selfie" makeup is "looks that kill" clothes are under "wardrobe"

my name is bunny, im 25+, i am not a social person and do not have the energy to talk to a lot of people at once, so either have patience or don't bother

i have several other blogs im not active on, but im most frequently on jujulebee

do not send me IMs in character, i will accept them as ooc if you don't have my discord, otherwise dont

do not leave Replies on my posts, i have stated this multiple times, i don't notice them in the deluge of activity notifications i receive, if you want to have a conversation on a post i have made reblog the post

youre free to ask for my discord but i dont guarantee that ill talk to you regularly, i am not a talkative person

im not Extremely picky with who i follow and will block freely and without hesitation. im here to curate my ideal experience, not save the feelings of a stranger. 

while i understand that ic=/=ooc if your character is transphobic or racist in any way please dont interact, actually

honey wouldn’t want to talk to you anyway

this page does not accept magic anons

please do not godmod to try and fix honeys issues, i dont want that, genuinely

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

honey b azrael was born august 6th, 1998

she’s bi-racial korean, born in texas

she is 4'8" (her boots typically put her at 5’), approx 240 lbs

honey was embraced on january 23rd of 2021

honey's a well-known streamer/virtual idol with a truly Cultish following with a majority of her followers worshipping her akin to a god. she is obssessed with the idea of making people beautiful, with no real concept of what that Beauty is, as she believes beauty is in the eye of the one presenting that beauty, as such she would not change someone without their explicit permission. she loves to be worshipped and idolized, but denying her that adoration does nothing to dissuade her bright personality, there is nothing you can say to convince her she is not worthy of it.

honey is a 6th generation tzimisce, her adoptive sire is delilah and true sire was killed to prevent any complications

⚠️WIP⚠️Strength: 3/5 Dexterity: 2/5 Stamina: 3/5 Charisma: 4/5 Manipulation: 2/5 Composure: 3/5 Intelligence: 2/5 Wits: 2/5 Resolve: 1/5⚠️

honey is a party girl and there will be mentions of drug/alcohol use and i will tag them as “drug mention” or “alcohol mention” if mentioned

nsfw content will be tagged as “nsfw //” or “nsfw language”

⚠️EYES, CULT-LIKE BEHAVIOR, BLOOD, AND BODY HORROR WILL NOT BE TAGGED⚠️

honey is pansexual and disinterested in a romantic relationship but sexually available

honey is doing GREAT and you should trust her

honeys best friend circle consists of dolls, sam, jules, her owl butler hubert, and diana who lives inside of her

she loves making friends and talking to people, though, so feel free to shoot her a message! she WILL talk to you

if your character is rude or just generally mean for no real reason (there are funny exceptions to this rule) honey will not want to speak with you and will probably unfollow you

ooc follows are fine, if i dont interact with your character much ill probably end up unfollowing, though

will add more if i can think of anything

[kusuokisser]

oomf reblogged a bunch of aro stuff and in honor of pride hour (i made it the fuck up Dont ask me any questions i dont talk to paparazzi) i want to talk about MYYY experience being arospec because it is Isolating and even if this reaches literally no one id rather at least have tried to share my feelings. Spreading love! 💝

growing up i very quickly realized that i wasnt getting crushes like the other kids were. as early as second grade i started trying to force myself to like the boys in my class. id, like, look around the classroom at the start of every new school year and look for the next boy to have a "crush" on. It sounds kind of funny looking back but like i remember how desperate i felt doing it. i remember one year i genuinely hated every boy in my class with a burning passion and, if nothing else, i remember the feeling of being wrong. i, a 4th (maybe 3rd?) grader, felt isolated and gross because i couldnt force a crush for a year.

i had known none of the other ones were really crushes, but it wasnt the romance i wanted it was the connections. i wanted to be able to join the girls talking about their crushes and i wanted to have a reason to try talking to boys; i wanted to be liked.

in 6th grade i think was the first time i didnt try to force a crush. i dont remember much from that year but i know that i didnt feel good. youd think that, as an arospec, i would have enjoyed the break from faking romance but at that point i didnt understand that my feelings werent quite real. i knew they werent like everyone elses, but i really wanted them to be even if it meant lying a bit to myself on the way. i felt wrong and weird.

in seventh grade that was when covid hit and everyone was quarentined, and also that is the year that holds my worlds most obvious example of my aromanticism ever. genuinely think back to this and go "how didnt i figure it out sooner"

i convinced myself i had a crush on my at-the-time best friend. there was no crush by the way, i judt knew i liked him more than all my other friends and to my socially deprived brain that meant it had to be romantic right? well he didnt like me back and literally i went, watched like two YouTube videos on something or other, and was over it. because the feelings were never genuine. it was never love it was a desire to be close with someone

8th grade was the first time i actually fell in love. by then i had figured out im a lesbian, and i met this girl named Jane. She was literally everything you could want in a girl and i fell HARRDDDDDDD i was so in love dont even. but I found that my capacity to love her fluxuated. the love was always there, but some days it was more platonic than anything. sometimes thr platonic periods would stretch for weeks. sometimes it would switch between platonic and romantic multiple times a day. it confused me and honestly? it scared me a lot. i distanced myself from her and eventually we broke up (for seperate reasons but this def contributed)

that really messed with me because now i was left with two understandings: i can definitely experience romantic attraction, and the romantic attraction can change at the drop of a hat.

after a lott of time and research i finally realized and accepted that im aromanticflux (will go into detail if necessary) and you know what? it didn't make me feel better. if anything it made me feel worse; i felt like such an asshole for getting in a relationship if it was always going to end.

now i am. Still coming to terms with my identity but i am learning to love and be kind to myself. the point of this whole thing is. youre never alone. there are eight billion people on earth, at least one of them is going through the exact same thing as you right now. you are not any less of a person because of your attraction or lack thereof

[whyshedisappeared]

How do you stand this website being so evil and ignorant and blind to reality? Every day I feel like I block dozens of people, and I've lost a ton of followers (not that they're really a loss, antisemites and terrorism supporters gtfo, BUT the depressing part is having to know that many mutuals and followers were antisemitic and full of hate all along). It feels hopeless and I want to delete.

thb I feel like im screaming into a void. the only people who interact with my posts about the war are Israelis and Jewish. and even they only like them and don't reblog.

I feel like im just surviving one hour at a time.

as to your original question, first of all I filtered the tags free pal*stine and pal*stine. i don't know how long you've been here, but I've had this account since 2012. I've been here during protective edge, during the almost war in 2021. I'm honestly used to the feeling of being isolated and called a monster because I don't want to die. I've had more than one person I thought were my friend essentially ask me to justify my right to live and when I didn't beg them to believe me that I'm not a monster and I actually support hamas and blah blah blah they blocked me. I lost over 200 followers, I blocked even more.

I see people wishing soldiers death knowing that my little brother is in the south, keeping people safe, having to lay on the ground more times than I would like to think while missiles shoot over his head. to the point that while on the phone with him there were missiles launched, he saw the trajectory and said "oh there's an alert in tel aviv" and 10 seconds later we saw tel aviv in the alarm list.

I'm going to my 6th funeral tomorrow, where two girls from my choir who lost their dad. I went to a funeral of a 23 yo childhood friend who was killed in kfar aza. another of a 25yo big brother of another childhood friend who was killed in gaza. to one of a 23 yo old guy who was with my brother in the volleyball team and my brother couldn't go so we went for him. to one of a 23 yo girl who went to the party and helped my brother for years with his bagruyot. to the funeral of an honorary uncle whose sister and her husband were murdered (to the point their limbs had to be gathers and they could only be identified with dna) while protecting their 21, 19, 16 yo kids safe. their kids lied in their parents' blood for 10 hours under the bed waiting to be rescued.

if people refuse to believe us, if they believe hamas are justified in their actions, I don't want anything to do with them. I'm ashamed of ever thinking they were nice people I wanted to interact with. I don't want them on my dash, or my blog, or anywhere near me.

I post so much about the war to force people to see the truth. and I will never be quiet about it. the youngest child kidnapped is no longer 9 months old, he's 10 months old. how can a baby be an occupiar? support an apartheid? support genocide? forget the fact that it isn't the truth. how can a 3 year old be a bad person? she's 3. if you can justify hamas' actions, I don't want anything to do with you.

I sometimes go to specific tags if I need to escape a little and I'm seeing a little too much about the war. I don't always have it in me to go and block and deal with it. and to be honest, I found who my real friends are and i learned about some new people who see the truth and it's great to know who the people I can trust are.

unfortunately the truth of being an Israeli jew is having hypocrits wish you happy Hanukkah and then when it actually matters, when your life is on the line (literally) wish for your death and celebrate it. the joys of being so detached from here that you don't even realise these are real people living through the most extreme life or death situation and you have the luxury of giving people lectures as if you know anything because you read a cute little 3 word comics on Instagram so now you consider yourself an expert.

all of this is to say, moderation is key. fuck nazis and I wish everyone who support hamas a miserable, sad (and long) life. use this as an opportunity to learn who your real friends are and fuck the rest of them. they aren't worth your time and effort, when all they wish for is your death.

[lua-fern]

pined poste time

here are some fun facts about this user

i mostly reblog on this acc but occasionaly will post a vent post or random thought

i like drawing :] my art blog is @luas-art-log but i am very inconsistent abt updating it

feel free to interact with me in any way you want, i love being put into situations

im brazilian (atualmente no interior pra facul mas paulistano em natureza)

compsci major. love me a computers, these days I don't complete many personal projects but rest assured that im always screwing around with something inane

i like fighty games, platformers and adventure games... maybe shooty games once in a while

i also like webcomics! some of my favorites are Vast Error, Dumbing of Age, Tamberlane, Preeny has to Repeat 6th grade, Homestuck, and Burning Down The House!

also like the moomins a lot :)

i am a Major (also known as a 21 year old) (might forget to update this on subsequent birthdays)

EN: they/them // PT: qualquer

[thepringlesofblood]

im sure someone's done this already but i gotta know. clarifications below the poll if you have questions. Good Omens fans:

clarifications

if multiple, choose the one you use most often.

not HOW you got into Good Omens, WHEN. e.g. if you read the book first in 2021, you would pick post-TV series (2019-). it's referring to the time period, not the medium of the story you read/watched/listened to.

in any relationship context - platonic and/or queerplatonic, romantic, sexual, anything. just those two lil guys being Together. a group of the two of them, you might say.

during the TV series counts as post-TV series for our purposes

'aziraphale x crowley' falls under "just 'aziraphale & crowley' or 'aziraphale/crowley'" i just didn't have enough room to put it in the same answer

i'm mostly talking about textual references, so if you call them one thing when you write it down and another when you say it out loud, pick the one you write down. i'd be interested to know both if you feel like putting it in tags/replies/reblogs though!

name order isn't relevant in this case - 'crowley & aziraphale' = 'aziraphale & crowley'

feel free to elaborate on whys and hows in the tags/replies/reblogs, linguistics like these are fascinating to me.

[cottageivy]

15 questions for 15 mutuals

tysm @lucidicer for the tag <33

1. are you named after anyone?

not my first name, but my middle name is after my great grandma who i met like once as an infant

2. when was the last time you cried?

the yellowjackets episode made me cry on friday aksdad

3. do you have kids?

nope

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

yeah i guess? i use it a decent amount idk if its a lot

5. what sports do you play/have you played?

i never played any sports in highschool, but i was on a baseball team as a child for like 3 practices but quit bc balls flying at my face was scary, and then i was a cheerleader until 6th/7th grade (still pissed that i quit bc of too many games on sundays... guess why lmao)

6. what's the first thing you notice about other people?

hmm physically? their hair?

7. eye colour?

green/blue. i know thats an annoying answer but it is true 😭

8. scary movies or happy endings?

both!

9. any special talents?

uhhhh no

10. where were you born?

the midwest of america :))

11. what are your hobbies?

writing (ha) reading, crocheting, sims, uhhh obsessing over media

12. do you have any pets?

yes! i have 2 cats! baker and zoe (i cant get a pic rn since im on my laptop but ill reblog this later with some)

13. how tall are you?

5'3!

14. fave subject in school?

history and math!

15. dream job?

see this is a question i didnt need rn lmao. uhhh publishing, honestly maybe a librarian, i dunno

i got to this 2 days late so most of my mutuals have been tagged already! so! if you want to do this pls feel free to say i tagged you, i wanna hear about you <33

[digtalihybridphobia]

URGENT HELP SAVE THE LIFE OF MY CHILD

Dear humanity,

Please Help Me – My Son May Die at Any Moment.

I'm Amal, a mother of three children, living under the weight of the genocide taking place in Gaza. 🍉

Here’s my story, and I’m reaching out with a hopeful heart 💔✨, hoping someone will feel what my family and I are going through.

My son is suffering from a severe and life-threatening injury after being shot by Israeli drones. He urgently needs medical treatment outside Gaza.

Time is running out, and we are facing a critical situation. I am asking for your generosity to help us save him either through a donation or by sharing this urgent plea with others

I beg you, i kiss your feet, to help my son. My son may die at any moment

I lost most of my family. I'm afraid to lose my son too 🥺

Mohammed deserves to live a happy and healthy life, just like every other child on this earth.

So I humbly ask you to donate even a little or at least reblog this appeal.

Please Donate now:👇

https://gofund.me/2f20a398

Ddonate Via Paypal 👇

https://www.paypal.com/donate

Im a broke college student, this is the 8th time you have sent this exact same ask to me.

I'm already skeptical because this is the 6th DIFFERENT ACCOUNT sending this exact message, go fuck yourself. Taking advantage of people's kindness is fucked.

[asthe-crow-flies]

ok so this is i believe the 6th? time ive reblogged this and so everyone who follows me is probably very sick of this by now but listen up because im about to say something thats maybe going to be a bit controversial:

i dont think daffy and bugs bunny are divorced. i think they're just regular married.

yeah, you heard me! they're just married! like people on sitcoms are married where they ruthlessly make fun of each other except its actually funny when bugs and daffy do it! they're! just! married!

curt and owen on the other hand? as divorced as you can possibly be when you can't legally get married in the first place. seriously. these two adult men got their feelings just a little bit hurt (owen slipping on a banana peel and curt leaving him to die) and threw the whole relationship away (owen pretending to be dead for years)! i mean what more clearly says "divorce" than destroying everything your ex holds dear (joining an organization developing the internet to eliminate privacy and the job of spying)? how better to say "i used to love you" than shooting your former lover in the head (this ones pretty straightforward)?

its about knowing exactly where everything went wrong, but it being far too late to fix it. its about seeing someone you love deeply change beyond almost all recognition, and the almost being enough for you too keep trying to get through to them for much longer than you should. its about deciding, truly and finally, that you really can't do this anymore, and that it's time to move on.

vote curtwen for resorting to torture and murder instead of talking about your feelings. vote curtwen for the true meaning of irreconcilable differences. vote curtwen for best fictional divorce (underdog) 2023.

MAY THE BEST DIVORCE WIN (Propaganda is encouraged)

[astrodoll2]

Moon sign observations part one. 🧸

Pisces moons are so beautiful, their creativity and the way their eyes spark once they speak about something/someone they’re passionate about, they are very loyal and tend to idealize a partner especially after the relationship is long done since they always see the good in everyone even if they mostly showed bad qualities they always assume their good is hiding underneath ily guys tho🥹

Aquarius moons I ATTRACT SO MANY BUT I LOVE IT because we have the most interesting conversations together, I love their out of the box thinking and how I know they’ll be nonjudgmental, they’re so open minded to all types of people and make everyone feel welcomed, unless they have Capricorn placements then they’re more stand offish

Capricorn moons you either get the money oriented cap moon or the I don’t want to go to school drop out cap moon but even then they still have a job to support their spending habits (they show their love by spoiling you) because trust me they can be very frugal at times

Scorpio moons can be very deceitful and secretive, you can assume they’re a trustworthy person meanwhile the entire time they’ve had ulterior motives (now ik this is a generalized statement and can be applied to anyone) but the reason I say scorpio is because I knew someone with this moon sign and they scammed multiple people ESPECIALLY CLOSE friends, and scorpios are known for being sneaky, strategic and ruthless same as like an Aries except an Aries wouldn’t go through all the trouble to make it seem like they care about you.

I love 8th house moons though, they are natural psychologist they’re the type of friend you go to when you want to have deep conversations and gain meaningful advice from. They’re not so mysterious themselves but rather they have a questionable magnetism like I tend to be drawn to them feeling like they have a depth to them that I want to explore or sometimes I don’t even know the reason I am so attracted to them but they usually always have 8th house moon

SYNASTRY MOON PLACEMENTS

Ofc if I love 8th house moons themselves I love 8th house moon synastry, super ATTRACTIVE ENERGY can be toxic at times with a push and pull vibe, but I love the excitement of the roller coaster emotions I know I am about to go on, their moon usually falls into my 8th house and I become obsessed with them idk if it goes both ways though because I never express just how much I like them I keep it hidden

5th house moon synastry it’s so fun and romantic they make my inner child happy by feeling safe with them and able to express myself wholeheartedly. The type of person to have fun adventures with and make great memories tg

11th house moon is like Russian roulette either I see them like a dream come true or I can only see them as a friend no matter how attracted I am towards them theres always something missing that I can’t quite put my finger on it.

6th house moon is really cute because you can be like eachothers therapists in a way, “Im there for you the way you’re there for me” type energy, you guys have eachothers back and respond with urgency when one needs the other but make sure it’s reciprocated, have healthy boundaries or one can turn resentful for giving more than the other

Reblog so I can know if you guys want a part two!!🪷🫶🏻

[drawlfoy]

pink in the night P.3

masterlist 

series masterlist 

request guidelines

pairing: hufflepuffmuggleborn!reader x draco

summary: when y/n y/l/n starts having weird, recurring dreams about her long time unrequited crush in her 6th year, she begins to wonder where fantasies end and reality begins.

warnings: canon-typical violence, mature language, nsfw content, VERY dark themes of murder, grief, and coercion. i don’t know why i wrote this to be as dark as it was but i didn’t know how else to make it happen lol

a/n: hello my loves! long time no see! im so sorry for not really responding much to any messages/reblogs/replies/anons...work has been absolutely insane and i’ve had a lot on my plate. i’m also currently working on a dramione twilight au available on my ao3 and it updates weekly, so i’ve been placing more focus on that. 

nitty gritty: i am pushing this to be one more part, though it probably (?) won’t be as long as these first 3. and i promise a happy ending. all is not as it seems. if you’re a fan of our late evi’s turn, the ending of this particular part should remind you of something... 

wc: 10k

playlist

enjoy! 

“Ok. So let me get this straight.” Susan was pacing the room, her arms folded over her chest and her brows furrowed.”Draco Malfoy has been your make-believe boyfriend since the beginning of term, except for he’s really not make-believe and he’s actually your boyfriend? But only when you fall asleep.”

“It sounds worse when you put it like that,” defended Y/N, though she was glad that Susan was being a little testy. Arguing made it easier to forget what was actually going on. “The book Trelawney assigned me explains it all. Apparently hairline cracks in crystal balls can seriously mess things up. One of the symptoms can be recurring trips into an alternate dimension. I was thinking about Draco when I used the crystal ball, so it took him with me. It’s described as being closer to the dream realm than it is to what we understand to be reality, but it doesn’t make it any less real. Draco has been having the same dreams, too. I’m almost positive.”

“Isn’t this a good thing?” asked Susan. 

Y/N wanted to scream. “No! Because he’s definitely just going along with it as a distraction from whatever else is going on with his life. He doesn’t actually like me. He’s told me that himself.”

“He doesn’t like you, but he’s still shagging you?”

“Because I’m there,” hissed Y/N. “And I’m available, and I probably stroke his ego. And plus, he doesn’t think it’s actually me. He thinks it's a product of his subconsciousness, too. Just like I thought.”

“And I thought my Slytherin situation was complicated,” muttered Susan. 

“I genuinely don’t know how I’m ever going to face him,” said Y/N. “When I wasn’t doing, er, things with him, I was spending the rest of our time spilling my guts and giving him a retelling of our real interactions. He would look so smug, too. God, Susan, I don’t know what to do.”

“Hey,” said Susan, firm. “We’re going to get through this. He clearly doesn’t hate you. Maybe this is a good thing, Maybe it’ll push you two together.”

“And maybe I’ll win the lottery and figure out that I’m the long lost child of the Queen, too.”

“Listen.” Susan sounded frustrated now. “This is a good thing. You’ve at least caught his interest. He stares at you in class, you know. I thought that I was imagining it at first, but now I know I wasn’t. This is your shot. When you see him tonight—”

“If I see him!”

“If you see him,” Susan amended, “You have to do something about this. If he really makes you happy. Don’t let this opportunity go.”

Y/N sunk onto her bed, letting her face fall into her hands. “I’m a muggleborn. He would never really see me like that. If I tell him that it’s really me and that what we’ve been experiencing aren’t really dreams, he’d be ruthless.”

“You don’t have any other option. Don’t try and tell me that you’re going to enjoy seeing him at night now that you know that it’s really him. I also feel like there’s a consent issue there too, right?” 

“I suppose.” Y/N chewed on her lip. “Maybe…maybe I’ll just say it and see what happens.”

To her relief, the Hospital Wing was entirely empty apart from Madame Pomfrey when she entered later that afternoon, her cheeks flushed and her hands clammy.

“Miss Y/L/N,” said Pomfrey, giving her a lingering look. “I’ve been expecting you. Broken crystal ball, eh?”

“Yes.” Y/N wasn’t quite sure what to do with her arms as she stood in front of the much older woman, opting to clasp her hands firmly behind her back as she stared at the floor.

“Tell me, dear,” began Madame Pomfrey, ”How have you been sleeping?”

She knew that the answer was written clear across her face as she met Madame Pomfrey’s gaze. 

“Who do you see?” the witch pried.

“Er—” Y/N thought her nails were sure to draw blood, considering how hard they were pressed into the pillowy flesh of her palm. “Malfoy. Draco Malfoy.”

Madame Pomfrey’s eyebrows shot to the sky for the briefest of moments before they were schooled into submission. “Well. That’s certainly a surprise. Aren’t you a Muggleborn, my dear?”

“Yes,” answered Y/N. Surprisingly, none of the traces of judgment or disgust that Y/N came to expect when discussing boys with older women could be found on Pomfrey’s face. “I don’t understand why it happened. Do you…do you know more about it?”

“Come sit in my office. We can have a chat.” 

Madame Pomfrey prepared tea as Y/N picked at the crimson cushions of a worn armchair, separated from the hospital walls by a few thick curtains. 

“You were thinking of him when you used the ball, yes?”

“Yes,” Y/N answered honestly. “Well—I probably was. I think about him all the time.”

Madame Pomfrey nodded gravely. Y/N was struck by the oddity that was a situation where she was discussing her love life with the school nurse.

“Madame Pomfrey,” she began, “When I first started having the dreams, he would always come to me in his Quidditch robes. Even if it didn’t make any sense. But then all of a sudden he started appearing in his normal school robes. I wasn’t sure what that meant.”

“I’m sure the books don’t mention that,” said Madame Pomfrey. “I think that phenomenon is rather rare. It’s uncommon that this whole dream scenario occurs, too. You’re a medical miracle.”

“But do you know?”

“Though those aren’t quite dreams, there is still an element of mental manipulation that is at play.” She paused to hand Y/N a steaming cup of tea, the delicate china filled with a delicious smelling golden color. “Forgive me for my crudeness. You see, your mind brought you the version of Draco that you thought about the most. Or at least what he was wearing then.”

“Oh.” Y/N felt the heat rush to her cheeks. In more straightforward terms, Madame Pomfrey had just told her that she dreamt of him in his Quidditch robes because she thought he looked hot in them. “Oh, Merlin. I’m sorry you had to spell that out for me.”

The smile that Madame Pomfrey sent her was amused. “That’s quite alright. I imagine that you’re very confused.”

“How do I stop it?” Horror washed over Y/N as something awful occurred to her. “Can I stop it?”

Madame Pomfrey turned around, the floral pattern of her robes swishing as she faced her desk. “Unfortunately,” she said, “The effects on your magical signatures can only be healed with time. But the ‘dreams’ will cease with this.”

She held out two vials.

“Why two?”

Madame Pomfrey gave her a knowing look.

“Oh, Merlin,” said Y/N, sure she was about to be sick. “Can’t you give it to him instead?”

“It would do you two good to work this out between yourselves,” said Madame Pomfrey. “Trust me.”

There was something in the gentle, maternal scrunch in the corner of the woman’s eyes that made Y/N trust her words. Even if she would rather eat dirt than talk to him about this in person.

“Does Trelawney know about the dreams? She only mentioned the magical signature to me.”

“I’m not sure,” admitted Pomfrey. “Like I said, it’s an uncommon occurrence.”

“Alright.” Y/N swallowed. “I’ll—I’ll be going then.”

That night, she tossed and turned in her bed for what felt like hours. Sleep just refused to take her as she rolled over on her mattress, repeatedly shoving her hands under the cooler parts of her pillow in an attempt to sooth her racing heart. Would she see him again?

“I don’t know where we are this time,” said a terrifyingly familiar voice, just when Y/N felt like she was going to drift off.

She shot to attention, clutching her duvet to her chest. Dream Draco sat next to her on her bed, his chin propped up on his palm as he watched her. 

Except for he wasn’t Dream Draco. The boy sitting mere inches away from her was Real Draco. He crept closer, his hands pressing into the bed on either side of her as he dipped his head down to kiss her jaw.

Real Draco was kissing her.

“This is my room,” Y/N blurted, hoping that Susan, who was sleeping soundly behind a curtain, would ignore her voice in this dimension. 

Draco’s lips detached from her neck as he sat back, his brows slightly furrowed. “What? How? I don’t know what your room looks like.” 

“I know,” said Y/N. The pounding of her heart pulsed in her ears. She wanted so, so badly to tell him, but she couldn’t do it. The words simply wouldn’t come out of her mouth. So she squeezed her eyes shut and kissed him properly. 

She would let herself have this, just this last time when she knew that it would never happen again. Once he knew she was real, that he had actually been involved with a muggleborn all this time, he would shun her.

When she finally pulled away from him, she studied his face, trying to find any traces of the Real Draco she’d come to know in Potions. His pupils were blown out, making his eyes an onyx black, and the porcelain pallor of his skin had been slightly sullied by a dusting of pink on his cheeks. 

He looked perfect.

“Is everything okay?” he murmured, his hand reaching out to brush away a lock of hair that had fallen across her face.

“Why are you doing this?” she countered. 

“What do you mean?” His eyes narrowed slightly.

“As in, why are you touching me?” she clarified. “I’m a muggleborn. I know you would never want me in real life. I know you don’t like me, either. So why are you doing it now?”

Draco seemed at a loss for words.

“You don’t have to answer.” Y/N found herself hoping that he would agree, move on, and kiss her senseless again. 

It was not her lucky day.

“Well…” Draco’s gaze cast upwards, and Y/N reminded herself that this was him, Real Draco, about to give her a real, honest answer. “I don’t know why I do, I suppose. Clearly the whole muggleborn thing hasn’t been too much of a hold up for me, especially since it’s hardly as if anyone knows about this.”

Y/N nodded. She desperately wished that he would correct her, tell her that no, he had developed feelings for her and wanted for her when he saw her every day.

“Wouldn’t you do the same?” he asked, suddenly meeting her eyes with a defensiveness that surprised her. “I know that’s bloody ridiculous of me to ask you, and I know it’s pathetic I keep having this dream, but truly. I’m—well, you know. I don’t have anyone who I can be like this around. Even if it’s all fake.”

Draco Malfoy was lonely. That much was obvious to Y/N. The revelation didn’t come without pain, though. Not only was Draco Malfoy lonely, but he was using her. And he wasn’t using her because he liked her. He was using her because she was there and she was convenient. 

“Did you mean it?” he asked. “When you said that you liked me?”

“Of course I meant it,” she said.

“Of course,” he echoed, and for some reason he looked like he was going to be ill. “I’m sorry. I know I’m not supposed to tell you this is a dream and that you’re not real. Sometimes I just wish you were.”

Her heart stopped. “R—really?”

“I’ve finally lost it,” he mumbled, running his hands through his hair with a frantic motion. “I can’t believe I’m telling a product of my imagination all of this. Fuck.”

“Well—funny story, actually—”

He was fading, his edges blending into the background as he began to become more transparent. Draco had just given her the best opportunity to confess, and he was waking up. If she hadn’t been so thrown off-kilter, she would’ve screamed in frustration. 

“Y/N? Are you alright?”

A steady hand laid on her shoulder, giving it a firm shake. Y/N felt her eyes open—really truly open in reality—and saw Susan staring down at her, still in pajamas. 

“Yes,” said Y/N, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “Did I wake you up?”

“You were tossing and turning like crazy,” explained Susan. “I’ve been up anyways. I haven’t slept well since…well, you know. Were you having a nightmare?”

“Something like that,” she muttered. 

“You saw him again, didn’t you?”

“And I couldn’t tell him,” said Y/N, pulling the blanket up to her chin and hiding her face. “I chickened out. I’ll have to wait until tonight. If I even dream of him again.”

“That’s not true,” said Susan. She reached out, her sunflower colored nails pulling the duvet back. “Man up. Tell him this morning.”

“Merlin, no!” she moaned. “Are you mad?!”

“You should tell him in person today,” said Susan. “Just think about it. If he says he feels the same way, then you’re going to feel so silly for not telling him sooner.”

“But I don’t think he does.”

“You’re going to have to tell him anyway,” Susan pointed out. “Might as well rip off the bandaid. Start healing now so you’ll be ready for the real Prince Charming when he comes.”

Y/N got ready for class that day in a daze, her mind running calculations on every possible way the scenario could go poorly. He could laugh at her and tell every Slytherin that she was a whore and would give it up for anyone. He could tell everyone that she was pathetic and had no self respect. He could spit in her face, set Parkinson on her, slander her name…

He wishes I was real. The thought kept creeping its way into her mind, cropping up when she brushed her teeth, when she fluffed her lashes with her mascara wand, when she slid her feet into her oxfords. He said he wishes I was real.

Thinking about it for too long was making her head hurt until it felt like there was a black hole in her chest, sucking in any unrelated thought and tracing it back to Draco. It was getting exhausting.

It was rare to see Draco Malfoy walking around between classes without his Slytherin entourage. So when she saw him in the hall alone before Potions, she interpreted it as a sign from Merlin himself to go for it.

“Draco—I mean, Malfoy,” she said, stepping in front of him. “Can I speak to you for a second?”

He froze. The hand that wasn’t slipped into his pocket was clenched into a fist, and his jaw appeared tight. “What do you want?”

“Er…” When she looked up to meet his gaze, she was struck by just how much taller he was than her. He was already staring back, his silver eyes unwavering. “Can we go somewhere private?”

“No,” he said blandly. “I’m busy. Can’t this wait until class?”

This bothered her. He’d been shagging her for a week, and he couldn’t even look at her when she approached him in public. In fact, it bothered her so much that she was cured of her temporary tongue tied-ness. She wanted to shock him now; she wanted to witness his epiphany.

“It’s me.” She jutted her chin up further. “It’s me you’ve been dreaming about.”

He was completely still, his expression indecipherable. 

“You know how you said that you wish that all of this was real?” she continued, recruiting her hand to emphasize her words, her fingers splaying out. “Well. Surprise.”

“How?” The word was strangled, hoarse. He looked like he was about to be sick.

“Apparently my crystal ball was cracked when I used it in class,” said Y/N. “And I’d been thinking about you when I touched it, so…” Her voice trailed off. The temporary bravado that had kept her going through the beginning of the confession was waning, sapping away the longer he remained silent.

Then he grabbed her wrist and yanked her down the hall.

“Where are we going?” asked Y/N, breathless from the sudden jerk of motion. 

Draco didn’t even look back at her as he yanked her behind a tapestry, waved his wand to cast a silencing spell, and loomed over her. There was something brewing in his eyes, something that seemed almost…primal. She’d never seen him look at her like that before, and she wondered briefly if he would kiss her.

He didn’t. In fact, he was keeping a careful distance from her, despite the cramped nature of the space. The blood from his face had long since drained, leaving his skin a panicked gray.

“You can’t tell anyone,” he hissed, his low volume entirely unnecessary considering the silencing charm he’d cast. 

Oh. A pang of raw hurt rattled through her chest, though she had a feeling that he would react like this. “I haven’t exactly been bragging about it to the masses,” said Y/N, hardly managing to hide the pain in her voice. “It would’ve made me sound unhinged if I went around telling everyone how I had dream sex with you. Your dirty little secret is safe with me.”

His eyes narrowed. “Do you think this is a fucking joke?”

“You know it wasn’t a joke to me,” Y/N snapped. “I made it very clear. You, on the other hand…”

“I’m not talking about that,” he spat. 

“Then what else?” She had never heard him speak with so much venom in his tone. Part of her wondered how her Dream Draco could ever be the same person as the glowering Draco right in front of her. 

“You know what else,” he said stubbornly.

“I told you; I don’t,” said Y/N. What was she missing? “I won’t tell anyone that we had an accidental interdimensional friends with benefits arrangement. What else, pray tell, am I withholding from the general public?”

There was a vein in his neck that was protruding out of his ashen skin. “Are you really going to make me say it?”

“I guess,” she said, sullen. It was strange how quickly they’d gotten comfortable bantering with each other. The mystique around Draco had long since faded now that she knew that she was dealing with the Real him every night. 

“My mark,” he hissed.

“Oh,” gasped Y/N. “I forgot about that.”

“Oh my fucking god,” groaned Draco, his tapered fingers coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Are you joking? You forgot that? Are you dense?”

“I thought that wasn’t real!” exclaimed Y/N, panic rising. He’d just revealed to her that he was a Death Eater. Like, a real Death Eater with a mark and everything. And Voldemort had mentioned a task…”I thought that was just a nightmare.”

“I can’t believe you.” He huffed, air leaving his lungs with a sharp puff.

“In other news,” said Y/N, who was trying her Very Best not to lose it over the fact that her crush was actually a Bad Guy, “Pomfrey gave me the cure to stop the dreams. She wanted me to give you a vial. Drink it before you fall asleep tonight and you won’t see me again.”

He plucked the vial out of her outstretched hand, swirling the liquid around before downing it in front of her in one go. The speed in which he was willing to give her up just like that made her heart lurch.

“You can’t tell anyone what you saw,” he said once he swallowed. “No one will believe you, anyway.”

“I know,” said Y/N. “I’m not going to tell anyone. I promise.”

He gave her a look that was full of suspicion.

“I’m a Hufflepuff,” she said slowly. “Remember that conversation we had two nights ago? Loyal to a fault.”

“Loyal to your friends—”

“Loyal to you, too. Even if it’s stupid of me.” And that was the truth. Y/N could deny it all she wanted, but she knew that she would never turn him in. 

Draco muttered something unintelligible, but Y/N thought she caught a “no bloody self preservation” through the jumble of words. She hoped to hear more, but the commotion that was slowly growing in the hall told her that their time was running dry.

“I think we need to get to class soon,” she said. “I suppose…this is it, then?”

His hand twitched at his side. For a moment, it seemed like he was going to reach for her, but then his expression hardened and he stepped back. “Yes. Sorry if I got your hopes up.”

“That’s okay.” She smiled thinly.

The day dragged on. Y/N downed her own vial over lunch with Susan sitting next to her in the Great Hall, a hand on her shoulder as she told her that she was doing the right thing.

“I’m proud of you, Y/N,” said Susan, giving her shoulder a squeeze. “Look at us. Post Slytherin girls.”

Y/N laughed, but she certainly didn’t feel like she was making the correct choice. Instead, she felt like she wanted to mourn the version of Draco that existed in her head. Her Dream Draco had never been real—no matter how accurate his corporeal form, he was still fundamentally different when taking into consideration the social barriers between them.

He never liked her. He told her that himself, without a hint of remorse in his tone. And he was a Death Eater, too, with a task that he supposedly had to complete. That was something that she should probably think about more, she decided. He was literally playing for the team that advocated for her eradication.

The days began to blur, falling into the comfortable category of “normal school life”. Classes picked up, girls' nights plans were made, and the air began to cool. What didn’t change was her curiosity towards Draco. Slughorn had long since thankfully rearranged seating after Theo and Susan refused to speak to each other for a group activity, so she didn’t have to sit with him anymore. It was a small consolation, but it wasn’t enough to keep her eyes from wandering, landing on him and wondering what he was thinking.

It was frustrating, truly, to know that she had given so much of herself to someone that hadn’t even appreciated her. As she watched him through the tail end of summer and the beginning of fall, she noticed the spark in his eye dissipate, the bags under his eyes grow. There was a distinct greyness to his skin that made her concerned, and then made her angry that she was worried. He didn’t deserve her regard.

To keep her mind off it all, Y/N did something she never once imagined doing prior to 6th year—become a member of the Dueling Club. It was a formal group, entirely unattached to Dumbledore’s Army and school-sanctioned. The best wizards, generally just the 7th years, got to compete in tournaments. 

She hadn’t expected to like it so much. Defense Against the Dark Arts had always been one of her worst subjects. But there was something so satisfying about firing off spells in rapid succession, running the mental calculations for her shields, and eventually disarming her opponent. She liked the rawness of it all. The saltiness of her sweat was cleansing. When she was in the dueling circle, her blood and house didn’t matter. And, surprisingly, she was good. Like, really good. It had been a slow start, but if Hogwarts was invited to a tournament any time soon, she would be joining the 7th year Gryffindor boys in competing.

Dueling was a distraction, but it certainly didn’t solve The Draco Problem in its entirety. Sometimes, at night, she’d wonder if she’d manage to wake up next to him like before. But no luck—Trelawney had been religious in checking the integrity of all the crystal balls before she distributed them again. Y/N was not dream shagging anyone, no sir.

It was nearing December when he finally approached her.

“Y/N,” he said after class one day, catching up with her as she walked down the corridor. “Do you have a free period now?”

“Why?” She didn’t—she had Divination, obviously.

“I need a moment with you,” he said, his eyes darting to the group of Slytherins walking in front of them. “Alone.”

Her heat thudded. “Oh. Okay.” Who was she to say no to that? He led her down a side corridor, holding open the tapestry that they’d hid behind the last time they’d spoken directly.

“What is it?” she said, wincing at the sharpness in her voice. He blinked at her. 

“I found out what happened with Theo,” he said. Her heart dropped. This wasn’t about them after all. 

“What do you mean?”

“He didn’t cheat on Susan,” he said. “Pansy started that rumor. The girl he was with was his sister.”

“Theo has a sister?”

“An older one. She graduated a while ago.”

“Oh.” Y/N frowned, picking at her cuticles as she refused to meet his eyes. “Well, thanks for telling me.”

She had missed the sound of his voice. 

“Sure.” He cleared his throat. “Also—don’t go out with that Ravenclaw bloke, okay?”

“What?”

“Boot,” he clarified, waving his hand dismissively. “Don’t.”

“Why would I?”

“Because I told you to.”

Y/N blanched. “Draco, that was months ago. Believe it or not, I don’t do things just because you tell me to.”

He was silent for a few moments, but he didn’t make any motion to leave. Instead, his silver eyes scanned her face with an unreadable expression on his own.

“You still haven’t told anyone,” Draco said finally. It wasn’t phrased like a question. He stated it like it was a fact, like he was pointing out something to her of which she was otherwise unaware.

“I said I wouldn’t.” 

“I thought you were lying.”

“Well, I meant what I said.” She jutted her chin out, remembering how she had stubbornly, stupidly pledged her loyalty to him.

“All of it?”

She scowled. Was he this dead set on humiliating her? Again? “Have I not told you enough times already? Are you deliberately forgetting everything I tell you, or are you actually that dense?”

“Forget it. Whatever.” There was an air of sincerity in the sulky way in which he was regarding the ground. She let that be the excuse for her next action.

“Hey.” The single syllable falling from her lips had firm kindness to its delivery. Just as she’d hoped, he looked up, his grey eyes locking onto hers. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I thought you were going to make fun of me. I did mean everything I said. I still do, but I’m not going to fall over myself to involve you in my life when you’re so dismissive of me.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking genuinely apologetic.

“It’s fine,” she replied. Her voice was flat. “It’s not your fault you don’t have feelings for me.”

If anything, it felt like it was her fault. She’d had weeks of uninterrupted time to spend with him, and she still hadn’t been able to get him to have any semblance of feelings for her.

Draco didn’t respond to her statement, but he was staring at her with an intensity that made her feel uncomfortable, like he was trying to read her mind or something.

“What do you want?” he said, finally.

“What do you mean?”

“What do you want,” he said, looking mildly impatient, “in exchange for your silence?”

She flushed red, but this time it was in anger, not embarrassment. How dare he think that she could be bought!

“I can buy you anything you want,” Draco said before she had a chance to respond. “Even a—I don’t know. I can buy you a signed copy of Spencer’s autobiography. Or enchanted hair pins that’ll keep your hair from falling in your face when you brew. A thousand of them. Or a villa in Italy. You can have a key to my Gringotts vault. Anything.”

Though his offers to buy her a home or give her access to billions of galleons were attractive, they weren’t what shocked her. She was more surprised by the fact that he’d remembered that her favorite author was Adrina Spencer. And that her hair always fell into her face in Potions.

“Draco, stop,” she said gently. “I don’t need any of that. I don’t want anything.”

“You have to want something.”

Well, fucking obviously, she thought. No shit, Sherlock. I want you.

“What I want can’t really be bought,” was her vague way of saying just that. 

His eyes flickered to meet hers again, and her breath caught. He understood.

“Don’t get me wrong. Obviously if you start dating Pansy or something I’m not going to switch up,” she continued, though the thought of him with another witch made her sick. “I meant it when I said I knew that it was always a pipedream to expect anything from you. But I like you enough as a person, independent from what you are to me. I wouldn’t sell you out like that. Just because I want it doesn’t mean it’s a necessary condition.”

Her hand, that had otherwise been resting at her side, brushed up against something. It startled her, making her jump. Then she realized what it was.

Draco’s fingers tentatively brushed against her skin, pausing when they touched her palm. His touch was chillingly cold, just as it usually was when they first touched in her dreams. His skin would eventually warm, though. It always did. 

He nudged her fingers away from her palm, loosening the fist that had formed and slipping his fingers into hers. 

It wasn’t until she felt his breath fan over her face that she noticed how close he was. It wasn’t until she watched his eyes flutter shut as he bent down that she realized he was about to kiss her.

“No,” she gasped, pushing him away with both hands. “No. Don’t—don’t do that.”

There was that feral look in his eyes again, like he was a cornered animal. “What? Why?”

“That’s despicable,” she said, feeling nearly sick to her stomach. “You can’t.”

“You like me,” he said slowly. He was staring at her like she’d grown a third leg. “You want me.”

“But I don’t want you to whore yourself out to me! Merlin. That’s…that’s disgusting. That’s too far.” To her horror, she could feel tears cropping up in her eyes. Then something else struck her. “Draco…Is everything okay? Why are you doing this all of a sudden?”

“Everything’s fine.” The way his jaw clenched told her that everything was not, in fact, fine.

“You can tell me,” she said softly. “I won’t say anything.”

“The last thing I want to be is more indebted to someone.”

“You’re not indebted to me!” huffed Y/N, tossing her hands in the air. “This is what loyalty looks like. You owe me nothing.”

“But I dragged you into all of this.”

She frowned deeper. “No. I dragged us both into all of this by having a stupid crush and using the wrong crystal ball. But anyway. The point is that bad things happen, and they’re awful, and I wish they didn’t, but I’m here for you.”

“I don’t understand you,” he said, but there was no venom in his tone. 

“I need to go. I’m already late for Divination,” she said, feeling like she’d had her fair share of emotional devastation for the eon. “Don’t worry, okay? And…I know you won’t take me up on it or anything, but if you ever want to talk to someone about…whatever your task is, I’m here.”

24 hours later, Katie Bell was in critical condition as she was whisked away to St. Mungo’s. So Y/N heard, at least. She hadn’t seen it happen herself, and for that she was grateful. No one deserved to be Imperio-ed before being cursed by dark magic within an inch of their life, but out of all the undeserving souls, Katie was at the top. She had been nothing but incredibly kind to Y/N and all of her Hufflepuff friends. She would go as far as to say that Katie had no enemies at Hogwarts.

The excitement around the castle dulled in the days leading up to the holidays, dampened by the tragedy. Y/N was scared to walk around at night, even if she wasn’t alone. She suspected Susan felt the same way after she appeared out of breath after she came back from visiting Theo in the dungeons. They had miraculously made up since Y/N told her the news from Draco. Apparently Theo had been in a state all fall, wondering desperately what he had done to make Susan move on but being too prideful to ask. They were inseparable now, which Y/N had mixed feelings about. She was thrilled that her best friend was happy again, but she missed having a single partner in crime.

To make things worse, Justin Finch-Fletchley had developed a strange fascination with her, asking to study with her during free periods and bragging about the wealth of his muggle family. It was getting exhausting trying to find new corridors in the castle whenever she saw him spot her in the hall and begin to make his way towards her. If he started talking, he’d never shut up now, despite his initial sourness. Y/N didn’t mind being kind to him—she tried to be nice to everyone she met—but she drew a hard line at being made late for her next period because he wouldn’t stop telling her about his holiday in Monaco. 

It was especially bad once he learned about her participation in the Dueling Club. All of a sudden, he wanted to join and was wildly interested in being a gentleman by walking Y/N back to the Hufflepuff dorms. Coming up with an excuse was tough—they were both walking to the same place, after all—so she resorted to taking off a few minutes early and choosing the most incomprehensible, winding paths to keep him from following. Her fear of what happened to Katie Bell was largely overshadowed by the very real concern that she could be cornered by Justin and forced to hear about how all of his siblings attended Eton.

The Dueling Club had their last meeting the night before the Hogwarts Express arrived to take students back for the holidays. It had been a tough few days. The general malaise that had been present in the student body following the Katie Bell instance was piled on top of the pre-existing midterm exam stress, making the last week actual hell. Y/N had hardly slept, spending most of her time in the library. 

She was basically asleep on her feet as she stumbled out of the Dueling Club’s meeting room—a long, wide space by the Gryffindor Tower—and began her trek down to the Hufflepuff dorms. In fact, she was so exhausted that she thought she was hallucinating the Draco Malfoy that appeared in front of her at first. 

Then she blinked and found him still there, staring at her with an intensity that made her wonder if he was going to jump her.

“Y/N,” he said. “Are you busy? Can we talk?”

“Is everything okay?”

His silver eyes flicked to the space behind her, and Y/N heard footsteps begin to echo down the hall. Justin had guessed her path to the dorms correctly and was probably moments away. “Yes. Do you mind if we go somewhere else?”

When she agreed, he reached out, grabbing her hand and pulling her down a side corridor. This one didn’t have any torches, and the inky blackness would’ve startled her if it wasn’t for the warmth of his fingers laced through hers. Despite the fact that this wasn’t right—he didn’t like her, he didn’t see her like that, and he didn’t want her—it felt comfortable, reminding her of all the times that she’d anchored her hands into the spaces between his fingers. 

They finally stopped once the footsteps in the main corridor faded. Draco cast a silent Lumos.

“What’s wrong?” asked Y/N, because he had definitely been lying when he had said that everything was okay. He looked more frantic than usual, his pristine locks mussed and his frame deathly thin. 

“Nothing,” he clipped. His voice sounded raw, and it cracked in between the syllables.

“Don’t lie to me, Draco. I can tell you’re not well. What’s going o—”

“Do you still think about me?” he interrupted. The small white light glowing at the tip of his wand moved as his hand trembled, making his eye bags appear even more pronounced.

“Of course I do,” said Y/N, frowning.

“Do you—do you still want me?” 

Her first instinct was to be offended by the vulnerable position he was putting her in—once again—but he didn’t look like he was about to jeer at her, so she gave in. “Of course, Draco. I’m sure I always will, even if that’s a little silly.”

“Okay.” He gulped, then nodded, like he’d finally processed her words in their entirety. “Okay, that’s good.” 

“But you never answered my question,” said Y/N. “What’s the matter? I know you didn’t just come find me to chat.”

“No, I didn’t,” he agreed. Then he did something curious—he lifted his free hand from his side and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, letting his fingers remain pressed to her jaw.

“What—” She froze, her voice dying as his thumb swiped across her bottom lip, the rest of his hand cupping her neck. The heat of him against her made her sleepy, and her drowsiness reminded her of how it felt to lie next to him after they were spent, listening to the rise and fall of his chest and reveling in the warmth of his bare skin. 

The pad of his thumb tugged gently at her bottom lip, opening her mouth just slightly. Then he leaned in and kissed her.

Y/N wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting. Maybe fireworks, maybe sparks, maybe the sensation of her heart beating out of her chest. But despite the fact that she’d never kissed Real Draco in real life, it felt no different than how he kissed her in their dreams. 

He pulled away for just a moment to cast a nonverbal Nox and tuck his wand into his pocket, plunging them into darkness. Not like that caused her any trouble in finding his lips again. At this point, she’d become so familiar with him that there was no need for light anymore, even if it had been a bit since she had touched him.

Y/N’s hands fisted into his black robes, pulling him impossibly closer as he pressed her into the wall, his arms surrounding her and caging her in an embrace that made her entire body thrum. 

Draco kissed her with a desperation that she’d never felt in their dreams. It was like he was drinking her in, savoring every part of her that he could touch. When she gasped at the feel of his hands fisting gently in her hair, he took the opportunity presented by her parted lips and kissed her deeper.

His hair was just as soft as it was in her dreams. He smelled the same, too—that crisp black tea and cedar scent that she had come to love. 

When their lips finally parted audibly, both gasping for breath, Draco busied himself with adjusting her robes, gently pulling her collar back into place and straightening her cloak with such casual affection that it made her heart skip. Though there was little natural light in the corridor, her eyes had adjusted enough to see his face.

“Oh, God, are you okay?” gasped Y/N. Even without him making eye contact with her, she could see the tears shining in his eyes. “Hey! What’s wrong?”

Draco opened his mouth, but instead of saying anything, he let out a shaky exhale and cast his eyes to the ceiling.

“Draco,” she admonished, putting both hands on each side of his face so he couldn’t move. “Tell me.”

He murmured something so quietly that she thought she had imagined it. “What was that?”

Draco shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Please,” said Y/N. “You can tell me anything, remember? Anything.”

“He’s going to kill me,” Draco whispered. “I’m going home tomorrow, and I think he’s going to kill me. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I had to—I had to have a real memory of you. Before…”

Y/N was sure she was going to be sick. The desperation and franticness in his actions suddenly made so much more sense, especially when considering how generally unwell he’d begun to look. He was going to die, and this was him saying goodbye to her.

“You can’t,” she heard herself say. “You can’t—I won’t let you—”

“I cursed Katie Bell,” said Draco. “That was me.”

She blanched. “No—”

“Yes,” he said, more stern this time despite the tears that were beginning to stream down his cheeks. “And it turned out to be a colossal failure. So you won’t be seeing me again.”

All this time, Draco had been the one behind the act that made her scared of walking at night. It was him who had nearly murdered Katie in cold blood and casted an Unforgivable. 

But he didn’t want this. He didn’t want any of it. She’d seen that much in his dream. He trembled and shook in front of his master, flinched when whoever that scary looking woman was appeared at his door. He was no murderer. He was a boy with no other option. 

That was the long winded justification Y/N’s mind would settle upon later, when she’d had time to process the events of the evening more. In that moment, she gave into her biggest impulse—she threw her arms around him.

Her hands weakly attempted to brush away the tears collecting on his face as he shook against her, his shoulders heaving with silent sobs. She wept, too, pressing her face into his shoulder and trying to commit to memory everything about him—the way he smelled, the way his hair felt, the texture of his skin. 

“There has to be another way,” whispered Y/N. 

“There isn’t.”

“But—”

“Y/N, I’m tired.” A hand wrapped around her right wrist and squeezed weakly. “I’m sorry, love. I’ve thought of it all. I can’t do anything without putting my mother in jeopardy.”

Then he collapsed in her arms and cried anew, his breath stuttering and hitching as his fingers twisted in her robes. She held him as close as she could, running her fingers soothingly through his hair and swallowing back her own sobs.

What a fucked up world, she realized, that a 16 year old was curled into a ball on the floor of a dark, abandoned corridor, prematurely mourning his own death. 

“In another life,” he whispered once he was breathing steadily again, “I would want things to be different. For us. I would have been better to you. I’m so sorry.”

Y/N didn’t know if she could trust herself to form words, so she just nodded instead, clutching his robes. 

In retrospect, she had no idea how long they spent clutching each other on the dusty floor of the 4th floor side corridor. She never felt like she had lost consciousness, but dawn came quickly, weak winter light filtering in through a small window ahead.

“I’m so sorry,” he said finally, extracting himself from her hold and standing up. She followed him, keeping her hands tangled in his robes. He bent down once more and pressed their lips together. It was a salty, sad kiss that lingered before he finally pulled away. “I’m so sorry for doing this to you.”

“You could come stay with my family,” suggested Y/N, her voice rising with hysteria. “You and your mother. I would make sure he wouldn’t find you.”

“He would. And that’s assuming I could get my mother out in the first place.” 

“But—”

“Y/N,” he said hoarsely. “If I don’t come home, I won’t be able to ever come back to Hogwarts.”

She let that sink in. He was right. She knew he was right. There was no way that he was going to be able to come back to school. Voldemort would come find him and figure out a way to punish him and his mother. “There has to be a way. This can’t be it. He surely can’t just kill you.” 

“I’ve tried everything,” he said, his voice softer. “I’m sorry. He might not. But it’s very possible he will when he learns about my lack of progress.”

The relief that washed over her was weak and brief in nature. “He might not” was hardly a promising claim to cling to, but it was all she had. There was nothing else she could say, nothing else she could suggest as they walked out of the corridor together, his fingers clutching hers tightly.

“I’m going to see you again,” said Y/N, her voice firmer than she was expecting. “I’m going to. You’re getting through this.”

Draco dropped a kiss on her forehead before letting go of her hand. “I’m so sorry. You, of all people, didn’t deserve this.”

The way he blew past her assurances, not even gracing them with a dissent, deeply disturbed her.

“I have to go now,” he said. 

“Okay.” She smiled thinly at him, reaching out to touch his wrist one last time. He let her, not pulling away as he watched her wrap her fingers around his pale skin, squeezing once with affection. “Promise me you’ll be okay.”

“Goodbye, Y/N.” And then he was gone, his long robes swishing in the castle draft as he disappeared around a corner.

To say she was devastated was an understatement. Y/N spent the rest of her morning trying to pack her things, but it felt so silly and trite for her to be folding her knickers when her not-boyfriend was about to meet his end. She wondered incessantly what he’d be doing, what he’d be thinking. He was scared, that much she knew. She’d never seen Draco look so terrified as he did in the corridor.

When she rode back on the Hogwarts Express, she had her head on a swivel, craning her neck for as much as a glance of Draco, but he was nowhere to be seen, not even when they unboarded at King’s Cross. She supposed that was a blessing. Her last memory of him—it wouldn’t be her last, she scolded herself, he would survive—was of the Draco she wanted to remember, the one that adored her and touched her softly. 

~

Traditionally, Y/N had loved Christmas. Her grandmother, who lived in London, would come out and visit them and help them cook a marvelous Christmas Eve feast. Y/N would always bake cookies with her friends, exchange presents gleefully, and enjoy the holiday movies that were finally in season. The holiday break was a perfect length of time for her to catch up on everything in her old life without missing magic…too much.

But this time, all Y/N wanted was to go back to Hogwarts and see Draco alive. She did enjoy catching up with Iris and Dasha—Lucille was on holiday in Nice—but whenever she caught herself having too much fun, she was suddenly reminded of Draco. How was his break going? Had he already been…Was he…

She would suck in a deep, rattling breath and cast the thought from her mind. Nothing she could do would protect him from the dangers he was facing at the Manor. 

Though she didn’t dare break out her wand to use magic, she ran through her dueling positions, stretched, and went on jogs in her free time. When she would go for runs, she would sprint until her legs and lungs burnt so much that she couldn’t continue. She welcomed the way her breathing shortened and her trachea thickened. It made her feel alive, like she was shedding something.

At night, she dreamt of Draco. He was always just out of reach, wearing the stricken expression he’d had when they’d said goodbye. She tried to scream out to him, to beg him to stay with her, but he’d always fade into the mist, his body eventually disappearing. 

By the time that January came, she was very, very fit, the product of neurotic exercising. She felt like a wild animal, except instead of running from natural predators on the savannah, she was running from any thoughts that involved Draco and his well-being.

Her mother gave her an extra tight hug when she dropped her off at King’s Cross, brushing her hair over her shoulder and cupping her cheek in a way only mothers could.

“You write to me,” her mother said, her words firm. “I want to know how you’re doing, my darling girl. I’ll miss you.”

“Goodbye, mum,” Y/N said, tears pricking her eyes. She hadn’t felt the compulsion to cry when leaving her family for school since she’d boarded the train in first year, but all of a sudden she felt like a child all over again. A lump formed in her throat. She would dearly miss her mother and her father and her friends, the only remaining evidence she had that normal, average life could exist. “I love you.”

“I love you too, dove.” Mrs. Y/L/N kissed her cheeks before she waved for the last time and made her way across the parking lot. 

Y/N did not see a flash of bright blond hair as she waited on the platform, but she did see Terry Boot sitting alone on a bench, reading the Prophet.

“Terry!” she said. He looked up, beaming when he saw her. 

“Y/N!” He scooted over to make enough room for her on the bench. “Come sit. How was your break?”

“It was good,” she said. “Nothing exciting. What about yours?”

Terry launched into a story about how his little brother had had an episode of accidental magic and set their older, graduated sister’s hair on fire. For the first time in over a month, Y/N laughed heartily, feeling the affection for her dear friend warm her guarded heart. As all-consuming as her Draco thoughts had been, nothing could compare to the years of friendship and connection between her and Terry.

“Read anything interesting?” asked Y/N, motioning to the Prophet. She tried to say it casually, but there was an underlying stiffness in her words. If Draco had been killed…there would have been some kind of story. Right?

“Nah,” said Terry. “You want to read it? I always forget that they basically cut you off when you go back home. Bloody ridiculous, if you ask me. If you want to stay informed, why shouldn’t you, I say!”

“Sure!” said Y/N quickly. She narrowly held herself back from ripping open the pages and wildly flipping them to see if the name Malfoy appeared, but that would be a little Uncool and Abnormal. She would have to wait for the train ride.

Susan was apparently sitting with Theo, Terry told her when they eventually boarded. Y/N had just missed her. The Slytherins had managed to get onto the train first to secure the nicest compartments.

“Figures,” Y/N said, trying her best to deliver an unbothered snort. Hannah eventually joined them, and soon enough they were departing from King’s Cross. Y/N waited until the conversation died off before beginning her read.

There was nothing. No mention of the Malfoys. Just plenty of “How to Protect Your Family from Death Eater” articles and tragic stories about the ransacking of local magical businesses. 

She finally let herself breathe. Thank Merlin. There weren’t even any Purebloods in the obituaries except for an elder Prewett, who was, in the most delicate way possible, old as dirt anyway. What conversation she had with her friends didn’t imply that there was any new drama with the Sacred 28, at least none that was worth sharing publicly. 

He was okay, she thought, her heart beginning to flutter. He was okay, and he had kissed her before she had left. 

Even further, he had actually been attracted to her. When Madame Pomfrey had told her that she had seen Draco in his Quidditch uniform at first because that’s how she thought about him the most, she’d totally forgotten that that was a two way street. Draco had not just been thinking of her in her Slytherin party slip, he’d been fantasizing about how she’d look wearing it without tights. 

Before the events in the corridor, she wouldn’t let herself consider the possibilities. And directly following them, she had been too heartbroken to even think about his feelings towards her. But now that she was almost certain he was alright…

Was he going to find her again? Was she going to experience everything with him again—but this time, in this plane of existence? She couldn’t see why they couldn’t. It was a bit too much to hope for, she conceded, but following the events before they left, there wasn’t much reason for him to continue ignoring her.

She would be okay with a secret relationship. If anything, it would be mutually advantageous. If they snuck around, she wouldn’t have to worry about the wrath of Pansy or any of the other Slytherin girls who were betting on snagging Draco for their pureblood husband. She would clarify this when he found her again and snogged her senseless, this time without the overarching theme of doom and gloom.

Distantly, Y/N knew that this was all a pipe dream. She didn’t really expect Draco Malfoy to be her boyfriend. But she hoped, hoped, hoped that he would be her something. 

She was positively buzzing with energy as they walked into the Great Hall that evening. She still hadn’t seen any of the Slytherins, but Susan had appeared at the Hufflepuff table.

“Hey, Y/N,” said Susan. “How was your break?”

Something in Susan’s composure deeply disturbed Y/N. It reminded her greatly of when she had first told Y/N about Theo—the way she nervously fiddled with her braid and smiled too widely.

“It was good!” said Y/N. A pit was beginning to form in her stomach. “What about yours? Did you see Theo?”

“Er—yes,” said Susan. “We spent time together at his summer villa in Naples. It was lovely.”

“That’s great,” said Y/N, and she meant it. Susan deserved to have a boy that would take her on lavish vacations. And so did Y/N, obviously, but she was working on that. 

The Great Hall doors creaked open, and Y/N would have turned to see who had entered if it wasn’t for Susan grabbing her hand. 

“And he gave me this bracelet!” she said, shrilly. “Look!” 

She shoved it into Y/N’s eyesight. The gorgeous yellow gems caught in the light, glittering under the stars. 

“Very pretty,” said Y/N. “Are those diamonds?”

“All of them,” said Susan, and though there was a flicker of pride in her face, Y/N could tell her mind was elsewhere. “He had it specially made for me while we were in Italy. A family jeweler kept on retainer, I think.”

“On retainer” was such a rich person phrase, Y/N thought. She nodded, smiling brilliantly.

There was a flash of blond in the corner of her eye, and she whipped around.

There was Draco, alive and well and sitting down at the Slytherin table. He looked healthier, too, his robes clean and pressed, his hair shiny and his face relaxed.

Oh, he was alive. She let out a quiet sigh. 

Draco looked up from his conversation with one of the Greengrass sisters, and their eyes met, just briefly. Y/N couldn’t help but let a little smile of relief creep onto her lips. She could feel embarrassed by how obviously she was staring at him from across the room later—right now, she was riding the euphoria of knowing that he was okay. 

A flutter of satin green robes appeared by Draco as Pansy Parkinson came into view, sitting in the seat beside him. 

Susan’s nails dug into Y/N’s thigh. “Y/N,” she said, barely a whisper. “I’m so sorry. I was going to tell you, I swear. I just couldn’t find you on the platform.”

Y/N was about to turn to her friend and ask her cheerily what she was on about. There was nothing to be told. Draco was okay, he was alive, he liked her back—and he was also brushing the hair out of Pansy’s face and kissing her cheek, just a few tables away and right in her sight. 

Now she understood.

final a/n: i haven’t had a chance to start on p4 yet, but it might be a bit before i have it ready as that will ACTUALLY be the finale lol. things are kind of picking up in my life (i’m picking up some old hobbies, i have a research deadline, and i’ve got to move/get a visa) so i can’t promise much, but i love this story too much to stay away from it for long!

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