#i feel like im losing everyone i know right now. i feel paranoid and like i should be doing more to make sure everyone is okay but i cant

[grimmauldis]

🏺

[jellyfishjams]

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[fueioekjfisks]

Im so sorry im losing my absolute mind but please hear me out for a second.

Mild tw for implied SA - NOTHING ACTUALLY HAPPENED PEOPLE JUST THINK IT HAPPENED

You know the common misunderstanding au in the danny phandom rn about vlad being a creep and people thinking hes like a CREEPY CREEP and not just a supervillain creep?

Well imagine danny is going on break or something and his dad wants to bring the whole family up to vlads castle for whatever reason.

Danny, obviously, does not want to waste his ONE FREAKING CHANCE of getting some god damn sleep being tormented by vlad and his stupid birds. Plus, vlad will probably plan some big murder plot for his dad and danny CAN. NOT. HANDLE. THAT. RIGHT. NOW.

So danny decides to make a PowerPoint presentation about why he doesnt want to go.

Obviously he cant reveal vlad or his own halfa status so its mostly just really jumbled information about vlad being creepy.

He gets backup from sam, tucker, jazz, and even val. He also knows his mom already dislikes vlad and knows hes a total creep so all he really needs to do is convince his dad.

But??? As hes compiling evidence??? And rehearsing his presentation with hes friends??? He realizes that it sounds super fucked up???

And like, it’s mostly just bad without all the context. But he realizes that Vlad is actually kinda sick in the head. Danny knows he would never actually do something that terrible, but its supper concering how similar his actions are to like, actual bad people.

Danny isnt mad about it or anything, he’s actually just worried about it Vlad.

Danny is not perfect by any means. But Vlad is the only other member of his species besides, like, his fucking clone (which holy shit Vlad what the fuck) or maybe dan who is also fucked up.

Danny knew that Vlads death definitely messed him up, but he never really thought about Vlads actions beyond “obsessive fruitloop, at it again :/“ and is just now realizing that vlad might need psychological help. Which he feels pretty (REALLY) bad about.

Danny has no idea what to do, and no idea who to go to.

So he sneaks out, doesnt even go ghost as he takes the powerpoint to vlad who obviously freaks tf out because holy shit thats SO MUCH WORSE THAN ANYTHING HE COULD HAVE POSSIBLY IMAGINED. What if he had actually hurt daniel? What if he had hurt his precious Madeline?? He needs help like yesterday! How did he ever get so bad???!

So Vlad freaks, trashes his own house, apologizes to danny, and books it through the portal to find the far frozen or somewhere else he can get help.

Danny is somewhat shellshocked about the whole situation. It doesnt get better when people start investigating Vlads disappearance.

The state of the manor indicates foul play and the police look into it further. Find security tapes. They see danny, frazzled and paranoid, enter Vlads property, everything goes to static, and only danny leaves.

Hes arrested of course, and he and his friends/family are interrogated.

Everybody vehemently denies that Danny would ever do such a thing, but when they are asked if danny has potential motives everyone (except for jack) gets all squeamish.

Its practically common knowledge in Amity Park that the mayor and the weird Fenton child had beef. People just were unsure why.

I think it would be really cool to focus a story around the polices pov of the investigation/ random Amity Parkers interpretation of the events.

Danny being kinda creepy after the accident (because death) could totally make people assume he did it and that would be awesome.

We can also add in de-aged Dani/Ellie and or Dan for that extra spice.

Imagine the fentons finding out about Dannys supposed kids in the context that they are MOTIVES FOR THEIR SON TO MURDER THEIR COLLAGE FRIEND ( AND DANNYS OWN GODFATHER) WHO APPARENTLY GROOMED HIM???!? AND THEY DIDNT EVEN NOTICE??!?

This could totally be a crossover too. Lucifer tv show. Batman. Supernatural. All are good.

Anyway, thought this could be kinda interesting

Please continue if you want

[pupyuj]

either way yujin makes me feel so many things like she looks so gay filipina with a big ass cock coded with that hair like??? couldn't stop thinking about how good she'd be in bed specially when she's mad??? or jealous??? the normally sweet little puppy, now so fucking angry, she could ruin your cunt just by fucking it with her thick cock. ☹️

and can i just say... “hm, basang basa ah? putang puta ka para sa tite ko.” while laughing and slapping your tits. ☹️

🫀

okay terribly sorry for my non-filo followers cuz i'm gonna be mumbling some tagalog nonsense here yujin drives me crazysdbskddhk—

LISTEN... yujin is very filipina-coded to me IM SORRY LIKE she's your perverted, tambay-sa-kanto gf idk how else to explain it!! hand always on your ass, has no shame groping your tits in public IN FRONT OF PEOPLE, and never hesitates to pull you into her lap and press your ass against her bulge??? to everyone else, the two of look sickeningly sweet as they watched yujin whisper to you with a big grin,, but they don't know that she's berating you 😭😭

"letting me do this in front of our friends.. hindi ka na ba nahiya?" mmdjfdhks her hand nearly between your thighs and everything,, everyday you wonder how people never see all the things she does to you in public,,, at one point, she has literally fingered your cunt from behind through your shorts while huddled up with your friends watching a teleserye and standing outside a sari-sari store sdkhcskji,,

LITERALLY FUCKS YOU WHILE SHE'S TALKING TO HER MOTHERRR???? like you're in her room ofc but she's got you sat on her lap facing the door, fingers deep inside your cunt,, grins so widely while she watched you covered your mouth,, bcs her mother saw you as her daughter's sweet, innocent girlfriend (everybody did),,, what would she say if she heard you?? ☹️ "opo, ma!! we're coming down soon," yujin yells loud enough for her mother to hear outside the door,, and then she leans into your ear, laughing like the annoying piece of shit that she isnbdskdfhc,, "you're gonna come, right? right? huh? bilisan ko ba, ha?" yujin keeps asking,, you really didn't wanna do anything that would make you lose control but fuck her fingers feel way too good that you have to nod and let yujin push you over the edge,,

and omggg the mad + jealousy thing... you're one hell of a catch so yujin can be a bit paranoid sometimes,, esp when she sees people talk to you with obvious interest and it definitely doesn't help that you're very friendly and a bit touchy with your friends sometimes,, usually, yujin takes it like a champ because she knows you would never cheat on her but other times she lets her jealousy take over her and oh yeah it gets intense in the bedroom..

"sobrang landi mo pala... i didn't know you were such a fucking whore, (y/n).. why don't you just go ahead and let yourself get fucked by all of them??" she's saying while pounding into your cunt so hard that her bed rocks against the wall??? thank goodness nobody was home.. you were to scream as loud as you wanted,,, "tangina.. d'you actually like this? fucking slut..."

hehahjshdj living in a barangay and being that loud??? yeah the two of you are definitely a hot topic within the chismosa groups 😭😭

ya'll this kinda sucked i got distracted ICBBBB I'M LOSING MY MAGIC .. YOU GUYS...

[the-s1lly-corner]

Seeing Kinger stuff is so nice gosh! Would it be cool to get the rest of the fluff alphabet with him please? Or if that's too much the ones you'd like to write about most

Kinger fluff alphabet! the whole thing!

two things one is more so one of my personal woe things unrelated to you but i deleted my masterlist immediately after finishing it because i didnt like the layout of it; 3 hours down the drain SOBS other thing! imma go ahead and link the other fluff alphabet stuff so its a complete list! actually third surprise thing, WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME I ACCIDENTALLY FORGOT TO PUT P IN THE FLUFF ALPHABET/lh/nm i fixed it now but i cant believe i skipped a letter i feel so dumb

ABSTRACT- if you were to ever abstract he would probably abstract himself. i mean if the things about queener/queenie are true and they were close, then that would mean this guy would lose a loved one TWICE. that would most definitely break someone, and kinger is already on the edge as it is. if he somehow doesnt abstract, he probably becomes even more paranoid; kind of shutting everyone out almost because he sure as hell knows he cant take a third heartbreak. rarely ever leaves his pillow fort, unless hes physically dragged out? sometimes he forgets you're gone, because he just refuses to believe the truth. sad stuff

BONDING- will rattle on and on about cool bug facts, if he has his own collection in his room he will show you it! maybe, if you want, he will let you hold some of the critters! tells a lot of stories, nicer ones from when things in the circus arent so... bad.. usually when hes in a good headspace! you get the feeling he embellishes his stories... not too different from a grandfather trying to make his experiences seem more glamorous and action packed than they really were

CUDDLING- he is very hard, due to him being a chess piece, but his clothes do a really good job at softening him! no arms :(... usually rests his hands on your back, or maybe has one on your shoulder and the other on your hip. switches between being big and little spoon, sometimes he wants to hold and sometimes he wants to be held

DATES- you can find them here!

EMOTION- kinger is... odd... im not sure where he lies, because i think sometimes he does have moments where he remembers thing and it overwhelms him, so that may be the main time hes the emotional one. however, i guess this entire time for emotional ive been focusing on more.. 'bad' emotions, but i think kinger would gush about how much he loves you, like WOAH! he is just overflowing with feelings right now

FAMILY- honestly he gives me dad vibes, if this dude doesnt already have kids in the real world (wow thats a sad thought... dude is like MIA probably and his kids are left to wonder where he went. double owie if queener/queenie was his real life wife before things happened) so if you guys make it back to the real world and unite, you're gonna be a step parent! would he like to have more kids with you? i think it depends, he would want it, though!

GIFT- you know how some people put bugs in like, cases to preserve them or something? i feel like he would give you those with some of his prettier bugs! loves anything you give him, he always keeps them stored safe in his room!

HARSH- you guys dont really get into arguments, i dont think! kinger doesnt like hiding things from you unless its something deeply personal, but otherwise hes an open book to you

IN HOUSE ADVENTURE- here!

JEALOUSY- its not so much as him being jealous as it is him being paranoid that something is going to happen to him or you, so! even if he wasnt worrying himself half to death he doesnt exactly seem like the jealous type to me, tbh

KISS- its time for my favorite thing for characters with no mouth!!! he boinks his face into yours, i actually wrote something for this! not gonna link it since its so short and i can easily relay the idea: but he would internally hype himself up (usually does this if this is the beginning of the relationship, he gets more confident as time goes on!), and just lightly 'pecks' your cheek before pulling away. loves kissing your cheeks as well as the back of your hands. loves being kisses where his mouth would be as well as his cheeks

LOVE LANGUAGE- quality time!! this man follows you around like a love sick puppy, because he loves you so much but also because again, he worries.. he also likes doing acts of service for you, makes him feel like hes capable of doing things on his own (which he is!). loves it when you return the favor via words of affirmation

MENDED- is he dreaming? is he imagining things again?

nope, its really you. somehow, you've recovered from abstracting, and you're now out of the cellar. he wants to hold you and never ever ever let you go, out of fear that hes going to come to his senses any second and youll be gone. wants to keep you in the pillow fort with him, or at least within his line of sight

NO- its less of an active dealbreaker and more of a "hey this is going to stress him out and probably hurt his mental health" but like, i dont think he would pair well with a really really intense person. like sure caien is pretty intense, but its not like caine is going to be spending a significant amount of time with him everyday, but like. you know? like i talk about some characters enjoying being on their toes and left guessing in regards to their partner, but kinger is NOT one of those people. he needs stability

PDA- less of a case where he actively and knowingly indulges in PDA and more so a case where he subconsciously holds onto your hand to keep you at arms length and to feel you. due to his lack of arms he has probably wandered off without you (and his hand) at least once. is not opposed to PDA, though, so long as its not like. insane

QUIET TIME- quiet time between the two of you is very rare. sure kinger can be very quiet when hes alone, but when hes alone with someone else, someone he cares so much about.. he cant help but fill the silence with words, to keep the ringing in his ears at bay .. so really quiet time is talking time

ROSES- ill mention it again in V (i wrote v before this section), he loves giving you roses especially on special occations! loves receiving flowers as well, he seems like a rose kind of guy as well

SHH- the one thing he doesnt like talking about is queener/queenie, well, more so the last few days leading up to her abstraction. it brings up. well, memories. on one hand he doesnt want to forget her, but on the other hand he doesnt want to bare the pain of those terrible memories

TUNES- THIS THIS THIS THIS ONE ALWAYS COME TO MY HEAD WHEN I THINK OF ROMANTIC HCS FOR SWEETIDEAS FOR OLDER GUYS IDK WHY

UPSET- im going back and forth with a lot of these as i fill in the list so! tying this in with E, i mention one of the only times he gets emotional is when he remembers some unfortunate events that took place in the circus. you're going to need to console him and bring him back to the present moment :(. when you're upset he tries to distract you, takes you to his fort, and tells you stories

VALENTINE- on the chance that he remembers what day it is, hes going to give you the most sterotypical date he can give to you. i think it might be because i can kind of see kinger as like, a classic/stereotypical romantic when it comes to you. flowers, he cant take you out to dinner so he takes you out to the digital lake to gaze at the clouds and watch the bugs pass

WANT- he wants a companion, he wants stability, and thats something he needs. he wants someone to be compassionate about him, his wellbeing, and his interests

XOXO- here! as well as Yearn!

ZZZ- if you guys go to sleep together its always in his room, where hes more comfortable. he also has a thing where he insists on being the one closer to the door; almost as if hes offering himself as protection to you should someone unwanted to come in. huh. always sleep holding onto you, snores like a dad

[zeephyre]

CR3: EPISODE 63 SPOILERS

I'm literally losing my mind rn guys

i haven't even finished the episode yet as im typing this, currently ashton is holding laudna as she cries on their shoulder after she sucked the life out of bor'dor.

i always had the suspicion that bor'dor wasn't telling the truth or telling a version of the truth, but i never really talked about it cause everyone was throwing out theories. i had an...inkling that he was connected to ludinus or just ruidus in general, and i was right in a way.

him being ruby vanguard is devastating but not surprising. it connected so many things that i chose to brush off cause i didn't want to seem paranoid. a specific moment being bor'dor killing the angel of the dawn father. during that scene, the way matt described the look in that angel's eyes as it died did not match the way that bor'dor retold it and i thought i had just...forgotten how the actual scene played out. now that i know, even tho i haven't rewatched that episode, i have a feeling that the hatred and righteous judgement i remembered was the accurate version.

i don't think bor'dor is bad, simply because i have no way to come to that conclusion when i know how easy it is to let fear and pain and anger drive you to vengeance -- the hellians are feeling it too, and i feel deep compassion for them so i feel for bor'dor too.

for all of ludinus' preachy bullshit he never gave me the impression that he gave a single fuck about the people who followed him or about the lives he ruined to accomplish his goal. i don't think bor'dor was some big wig, i think he was just a kid who was vulnerable and powerful and easily coerced. i do not think he is without blame -- his actions with the ruby vanguard have led to incomprehensible repercussions for everyone on exandria and outside of exandria too. (bear in mind, we don't even know how the apple bee's soul cycle has affected the fey realm -- or any other realms for that matter).

i think that there was no way bor'dor could have survived this night with the way it went. i don't think there could have been a moment where he snuck away. if he got a lucky roll, maybe. i don't think bor'dor died because /he/ was an unforgivable monster.

he died because laudna, ashton and orym were at their breaking point and none of them wanted to pull each other from that place of hatred and anger. they've spoken about feeling powerless -- terrified and angry at the situation they were forced into when they truly have nothing to do with ludinus' anger at the gods. orym, especially, has been struggling with his grief and his stubbornness, and this moment will have effects on all of them for these upcoming battles and hardships.

laudna. jesus christ. im so upset that delilah is back. or at least pieces of her are thriving inside laudna, seemingly every time she uses her necrotic magic. for a single moment, she felt delilah's complete control over herself and other people in a situation where laudna had no idea what to do and how to get shit done, and as soon as delilah had nothing left of bor'dor to scavenge off of, laudna was back to feeling weak.

i can't even process the lore drops of ashton's heritage and his father and the history of the hishari and the fact that abadina WAS an hishari ???? they need to go that cursed town soon or im gonna lose it. hell, maybe they're already headed there.

deni$e might say she didn't care whether bor'dor lived or died but i know that isn't true because she was a) the only person who didn't actually hurt him and b) she was trying the entire time to get the others to at least interrogate him. i don't think that would work for multiple reasons. bor'dor was yeeted to kingdom come so bor'dor would likely not have anything useful for them atp, and also bor'dor is absolutely not nearly as important to ludinus as they need him to be.

im gonna miss utkarsh 😭

i think that maybe if bells hells was together, he'd live. but ashton, laudna and orym are too... there's something dangerous about these three being separated from their people. dangerous for themselves mentally and for anyone who stands in their way. i NEED bells hells to be reunited again.

it's sad that the characters with such a strong history of loss and betrayal and abandonment and grief and loss of control would have the traitor amongst them. there is nothing that bor'dor could say that would lessen the pain orym feels having lost his husband and his father, of him and his friends being killed by a cruel, vicious comrade of ludinus', of the tempest being trapped /because/ orym was the one who led her straight into it. the gods are all good and well, but i don't think it will EVER be about the gods for orym. i won't say he's correct or in the right for his narrowed vision and hardened heart. he took that locket for a reason, and throwing it aside is a calculated disposal of that inherently inconvenient empathy orym has for people around him. he can't afford to feel. not now.

[malka-lisitsa]

What's it like dating Katherine?

I'm so glad that you asked!

I see a LOT of 'Dating Katherine would consist of-" Posts and they're all so romanticized its so unrealistic!!! So let me tell you what dating Katherine is ACTUALLY LIKE, because she is NOT an easy person to be with!

Now quick disclaimer here- this doesn't mean she isn't a good person to date and that it's all bad. It's NOT and I will definitely list the entire spectrum here good and bad- but Katherine is not for the faint of heart and if yall want to fantasize about what dating her would be like you need the real guide book.

SO here's what dating Katherine Pierce would be like.

Katherine is BPD this is a terrible condition that affects her ability to maintain relationships especially.

Paranoid delusions are v common, Katherine has incredible trust issues already (can you blame her) so paired up with paranoia she would be very suspicious at completely random times. One day she could be completely ok with x person being around you and then the next day she could be so insecure and jealous bc her head has convinced her that you are in fact cheating on her.

Katherine's rapid mood swings? Not cute! :D She can go from fine, to white hot rage in a split second and then if you blink shes sobbing! WHY? SHE DOESN'T FUCKING KNOW!! And to top it all off!! She doesn't know what to do with herself when she has these mood swings! Could be anything from isolation, to being needy, or even lashing out randomly! Its a surprise for EVERYONE INVOLVED!!

Picking fights! Legitimate fights out of nowhere! Why? Bc abandonment issues! You're gonna leave her anyway why shouldn't she be in control of that right? She will push you away viciously!! The guess what?? After that episode is over she will try to smooth it over and pull you back because she doesnt actually want to lose you- shes just SCARED and has zero emotional regulation!

She will TEST YOU CONSTANTLY and you will never know, you will never be trained, or given a guide you are expected to know what the right thing to do with/for her is and if you DONT- FIGHT. This is super common in BPD, these tests and theyre almost ALWAYS unreasonable, again bc if you fail the test she gets to pick a fight and rationalize you dont actually care about her and she should push you away before you hurt her.

Intense emotions! My GOD lets not forget that she not only feels things vampire intense but she feels them BPD intense ON TOP OF THAT. SHE WILL BE UNREASONABLE. OFTEN. IT IS NOT HER FAULT. She literally has no control over it. She is not logical when triggered it is ALL emotional lizard brain. If you push her she will bite you- no middle ground.

She will get scared, and she will most likely try to run, or push you away. Anyone who can reach you, can hurt you- and Katherine has a built in warning system when someone starts to get close enough they can actually hurt her- the the instinct to sabotage that relationship kicks in.

Katherine is an impulsive liar. You will be lied to. Probably over the stupidest shit like 'we're out of nuggets' so you pick her up something else on the way home. Also probably about important shit. Katherine's most common lie is 'im fine'

Katherine is POSSESSIVE and she is NOT shy about it either. Reactions can vary from some heavy PDA to actual violence...

Dating Katherine is dealing with her insomnia. It's dealing with her waking up screaming, or in tears. It's having her climb in your lap to sleep because she needs to feel safe. Remember this girl has been HUNTED and FUCKED WITH for 500 YEARS. SAFE is never a default feeling for her. She is ALWAYS in fight or flight mode and it's EXHAUSTING when your brain keeps telling you 'cant sleep now there are enemies near by'

Dating Katherine is never knowing whats going on in her head because she wont tell you. You need to learn her very subtle language she communicates in to understand her mental state.

its katherine having very little emotional maturity, and lashing out at the first sign of rejection or criticism. Its Katherine having black and white thinking NO grey area.

Its learning a whole new dialect just to be able to understand what she actually means when she says or does certain things.

But it's also katherine routinely playing games with you. Random games of tag. Making up new rules youve never heard of in checkers that she swears are legit she learned them in mexico. Its secretly throwing games sometimes so she can win and you get to keep playing that game...

Its her snooping through your stuff to get to know you, because while she could just ask, she needs enrichment and snooping is very fun for her.

Its her plopping herself down next to you because she just wants to be around you (even if its picking a fight for attention)

It's her head on your chest as she listens to your heart beat and falls asleep on you.

Its seeing the way she looks at you, with a love so powerful you cant even imagine what it feels like.

its her doing little things to express that she loves you. Thes things vary from doing a chore, to leaving you a present, kissing you randomly, asking to cuddle and watch a movie- its a wide variety she uses to express herself with.

its her asking you to watch videos with her or read to her.

it's finding out all of the little details she knows about you, all the tiny stuff most people don't notice, that she has learned and even likes about you.

its her cooking you one of her 4 known and perfected dishes randomly.

its quiet evenings of just existing in each others company as you do whatever

its play fighting, that turns into a make out session.

its mind blowing sex tbh

Its being loved with a love that was more than love-

its waking up next to this beautifully complex creature and knowing she picked you.

Nah, dating Katherine is not a walk in the park. It takes a very special and dedicated person with a lot of courage to handle this girl. It takes someone with patience. Someone with determination, and the ability to love her at her absolute worst. It takes someone willing to UNDERSTAND that she is not always in control of her behaviors. That she is just as fed up and scared and done with the way shes acting, but shes TRAPPED on the inside of her own head just WATCHING herself tear shit apart and she cant do ANYTHING to stop it.

It takes someone willing to meet her aggression with a gentle hand. It takes someone who will reassure her constantly that they love her and want her. It takes someone who understands that she needs special treatment most people would deem unreasonable or entitled. It's a toxic relationship until you learn the cheat codes to bypass her defense mechanisms. It takes time and dedication. So if you're thinking all of that sounds toxic and terrible, then you honestly don't deserve all the good, all the light she can be when handled properly.

Katherine is a girl who loves harder than most people could even imagine. She's dedicated. Shes smart. Shes a wonderful charismatic person- but she is DAMAGED and requires special care- so if you cant handle the care needs for an exotic animal, it's best you just visit every now and then and let someone whos willing to put in the effort, reap the immense benefits. Dating Katherine, LOVING KATHERINE- it isnt EASY.... but it's WORTH IT.

I'm sure I missed a few things for good AND bad but honestly you get the jist.

[silviakundera]

Empresses in the Palace ep 13

I really like bestie Meizhuang's practicality and no-nonsense style. Too bad she's definitely gonna die (since her name isn't Zhen Huan). Honestly, she and ZH should be the perfect team: ZH is the right amount of paranoid and distrusting, bestie is more pessimistic and calculating. But I think the flaw is, they're too permissive of each other. I mean, they give advice but aren't adamant and demanding about it. If you're really gonna say you're sisters, BE BOSSY ABOUT IT. smh

Tapping in Ling Rong was smart. I never agreed with them not keeping her close.

Poor Fourth Prince. It's both a terrible idea to get associated with a kid the emperor hates... and I wish Zhen Huan could afford to openly care about him. Seems like a good kid.

ZH loosening up when she thinks no one is watching and being playful with her maid is THE SADDEST THING because you are struck that this is the real her. And she has to hide this person at all times and walk a tightrope in the proper concubine act. Even with Meizhuang she is all politeness, isn't so free & easy.

Meet cute with the real Prince Guo. Except this is a horror story, so no such thing. "You must not tell this to anyone. Otherwise, I'll have no burial ground for my body."

I love the old consort. She just straight up leaves the party all, 'I've seen enough drama in my day. Too tired for all this bullshit.'

If she can see it clearly, why can't the emperor? tbh I think he can too. It just doesnt threaten or affect him so he doesn't care.

Hell workplace dinner where everyone is drinking bored, so they've ganged on someone for entertainment. Everyone is salivating at the spectacle of the protagonist embarassing themselves. So of COURSE protagonist will shock everyone with their Secret Special Skills™. It's a very cliche trope but I think most viewers would have to admit that WE LOVE IT. We all eat this shit up with a spoon.

Ep 14

IM SCREAMING. Hua Fei, I pledge fealty. Marry me. "Consort Fleur, what is the matter with you?" Wavering, coughing, making indigestion faces: "I have no greviance over anything. I lost my composure because I was overcome with emotions watching Lady Sourire's performance." The emperor keeps being like, oh REALLY babe but you're basic. When did you start liking poetry? and babygirl puts her whole pussy into it. 👏👏 Girlboss gaslight gatekeep.

ZH really out here eager to co-parent with Meizhuang and ready to rush back from kissing the emperor's ass. I know she legit was into him (why??) at the start but I feel like reality has set in and she's just playing the part now. She's drawing her and Meizhuang's names together with a heart in her Lisa Frank notebook and planning how to spend their golden years together after they pop out a couple kids.

Hua Fei, the light of my life, breaks down the politics of it all. She's very savvy and will be a near impossible opponent to defeat - unless, of course, you have the protagonist halo. or if bro starts losing battles.

Empress pops in to remind us that being the CFO also sucks. Endless, tireless smiling and benevolence. You can't even throw a coquettish tantrum or two for the luz.

The ghost of the empresses's sister that the emperor loved most lingers yet again. Did the empress kill her sister? The thunder & lightening say yes.

The mess with Ling Rong's dad and the pull of Hua Fei's brother great examples of how the harem struggles aren't really about 'a bunch of sad women fighting over a man'. Being in the harem is entering a circle of power and influence. Yes, the concubines aren't supposed to 'discuss state affairs' but that's a rule made to be circumvented. Pleasing the emperor can make him reward your noble family and factions of the harem are connections within powerful noble families. Because Ling Rong is there, even though the emperor doesn't remember her name she has strings to pull. Whether it works out this time for her, it's a recourse she wouldn't have otherwise. And Meizhuang is able to go straight to the emperor's residence and get an update on the situation and counsel from the head eunuch. They have influence and control beyond what other citizens have.

[of course, we can't forget the prize for this hunger games is the biggest of them all -- NO, not some royal dick, but having your kid be the next emperor. Putting your family in the history books forever as part of the dynasty. Potentially changing history.]

[that's why I don't mentally categorise Story of Yanxi Palace as a harem drama. That's the setting, true, but Yingluo enters of her own will and it's due to her revenge quest. She isn't advocating for or protecting her clan and has zero intent to climb the ladder, but is acting in revenge of her sister, then her sworn sister empress, then her bestie. Then she inadvertently falls in love with her frenemy emperor (of all things!) and wants to accompany him, despite her terror of childbirth. She has no interest in the throne for herself, her clan, or her kids. She's playing the game all the wrong way, because she's not playing it at all - her goals aren't aligned to anyone else's. That is the delight of Yanxi Palace; she's dropped into everyone else's harem drama with a metaphorical sword on her back, the unpredictable engine of chaos in this carefully choreographed dance of waxing and waning power & influence.]

Empress really shows off her skills in this episode. No one actually knows how hard she tried for Ling Rong's dad but she has the position to get away with advocating, without losing much. And she gets their gratitude and steers them towards fighting my gf Hua Fei in her stead. Empress was the biggest winner in this incident.

ZH on her way there, as she expertly manipulates the emperor by commenting on state affairs without actually directly discussing them. She's smart to be hiding the depth of her education and only bringing it out when necessary.

Damn she's really playing the "you're my ✨husband✨" card for all it's worth. And we can see that, for now, it's worth a lot.

The maid making the play for the emperor's interest with the lotus blossoms is the Soon to be Evil half-sister, right?

[dismalice]

to any people who are still here:

im sorry for probably stressing everyone out with my doomerpilled posts in those last few weeks i was here. i have not been able to see my therapist for a long time now due to losing my insurance coverage after turning 26. after finally getting government insurance and talking with my therapist about the mindset i was in, we came to the conclusion that i was most likely going through depression-induced transient psychosis. which explains A Lot about how paranoid i was at the time. i still can't see my therapist regularly but i am medicated again for the forseeable future and i am doing much better now.

i'm pretty much just posting this to let y'all know i'm okay because given the vibe of the posts i was making before i suddenly made the decision to close down my blog, i realised i might have given the impression that i had uh... fallen prey to a self-induced IRL game over, if you know what i mean. i definitely didn't do that. i have a job now and im close to graduating with my masters and things are overall looking up even though i still dont have heating or water.

i've been working on improving my art and writing for personal projects i hope to eventually make into a novel one day if time and luck allows. i may EVENTUALLY come back to tumblr rp but if i do, it will be in a very different format and with far more emphasis on fandomless ocs.

i have noticed that fandoms tend to die out extremely quickly these days and my mutuals from "fad fandoms" were abandoning/deleting left and right. constantly writing things that would go unanswered with zero explanation/losing ooc connections out of nowhere was stressing me out to the point that i just couldnt handle it anymore. i ended up feeling extremely used even though that probably wasn't anyone's intention, and now i know i need to take steps to avoid ending up in that kind of situation again.

if i come back to tumblr and rellow you and you don't want to be refollowed, just shoot me a message or block me. i will understand given how frankly unhinged my mental state was for a while. i probably scared a lot of people off. my sincerest apologies for that and i hope i didn't seriously upset anyone by inadvertently causing them to think i had died or something.

[cringelordofchaos]

This is a little venty but I wanted to let it out.

Im afraid I'm annoying people. Or that they just don't want me to be around them. Which is understandable, but it still makes me scared of the possibility that they don't like me or care about me or something.

Its weird but the only reason I'm feeling like this right now is because lately I'll just start talking about topics such as sonic the hedgehog to my sibling. Sometimes I go on to longer boring monologues. But nevertheless, sometimes I'll just BEGIN talking, and not even plan on saying much, and they'll instantly respond with - "yeah sorry I don't care". To me, that feels like saying "yeah no I don't care about what you like or what you're passionate about, you're dreadful to be around ", though I know that's probably not what they mean and they're just reasonably tired, still

Maybe I'm just being paranoid but it just makes me upset because aside my interests and obsessions I don't really know what I "should" talk about and now I'm starting to think people are just pretending to be interested in what I'm saying just so they don't offend me

Whatevs lol in case I do lose everyone I love in my life I still have tumblr where I can rant

[phtalogreenpoison]

ok. so this is just a vent post. and if you don't want to read that, that's so totally fine!

but i feel like im losing my mind. oh of course now is the time i decide to be paranoid about what im posting on the internet. but i am so so emotionally exhausted. like if two certain people don't interact with me because neither of them live in my area and have lives of their own (as in i don't want to wake them up), then i literally feel feel like im ripping into pieces (they're my two best friends, and all thigns considered, i have a pretty healthy relationship with both of them). and even though i'm pretty sure i have a cluster b pd,, (my psychiatrist thinks maybe), but my therapist said she didn't think so when i asked her. like am i making this up? is it all in my head? i'm in a pretty good place this notwithstanding, so am i just making it up for attention? i don't know, i know i do kinda want attention with this.

also. feeling like i should feel more when i interact with people. like yes i care about people, but if i reach my limit, i have to fake empathy so i don't fuck up the relationships in my life. and right now? i genuinely don't know if i'm telling the truth or lying or not. maybe i'm too codependent on friends. but i've just had my attention called to it recently, and it's kinda hitting me. like what do you mean other people don't flee the library because they feel like someone's watching them even though you know logically that's not true? what do you mean everyone else cried at the end of a story and you felt nothing other than an abstract idea of how you could be a proper support to people/fix things? anyways.

sorry. my heart's just hurting right now, and i don't know how express this. but i need to get it off my chest somehow.

like im not even saying i'm a bad person here. which is surprising, but good. i just feel like a monster in human skin, but one who's learned how to express the kindness they want to express.

[sr-sam-bodypillow]

was thinking a bit about yandere!ebbz x kaif. warning really dark, gaslighting medical whump/abuse stockholm syndrome kidnapping stalking manipulation conditioning and the worst thing of all FUCKING RICH PEOPLE below

everyone already knows im a professional subby kaif enjoyer and this is no different and im sorry but i feel like it would be extreme petplay.

in this scenario ebbz has an offensive amount of money so that she can work from home and live far enough away from people in a big house, ceo or something silly idk. the point is she is isolated and has resources. lots of them.

and one day, out in the city, she sees kaif and instantly know she needs to have him on his knees. she needs him to rest his pretty head on her knees and stare up at her with those beautiful eyes as he begs her to touch him, nothing in his mind other than being hers. she needs him, whether he likes it or not.

and, well. she's always wanted an obedient pet.

she bides her time at first, solely because she knows she needs to find out what the best enviroment for him is, what foods he likes, how best to keep him safe.

during this time she also thoroughly plots the best way for her to train him.

slowly, she begins to isolate him and make him feel distinctly unsafe. she wears clothing that completely masks her identity and lets herself be spotted stalking kaif, geniunely terrifying. he begins to lose sleep, and his friends (none of them sr) begin to grow distant as he becomes erratic, paranoid, and seemingly delusional as ebbz abuses her resources to make the police completely brush his worries off when he reports it.

ebbz breaks in a few times, either simply to scare him or to taint all his food with different substances to intentionally fuck with his emotions and capability as a person, causing him to lash out unpredictably with sudden bursts of anger or miss days at a time through excessive sleeping

by this point kaif is terrified and alone. he's gone and lined up a doctors appointment because he geniunely thinks he's got a fucking brain tumor or something with all these supposed hallucinations and violent mood swings

he doesnt have to worry about it, though.

he gets fired from his job for something he didnt actually do, having supposedly violently assaulted a coworker so bad they needed to be hospitalised. he didnt do this, but he's beginning to doubt his memory so much he just assumes he did and breaks down in his apartment because how could he? whats happening to him?

its now that ebbz steps in directly. of course, all of this was also her putting kaif ij juuust the right spot physically and mentally so that he'll be more receptive to his 'training', but now its far more direct

he recieves a notice about an experimental medical trial (ebbz runs a medical company for plot reasons so she has access to experimental drugs) for whatever he was falsibly diagnosed with up at ebbz's isolated mansion, and desperate for change, kaif signs up

he heads there on the day and its only him. odd.

ebbz greets him, and gets him to sign a short waiver before leading him off to a sterile room and giving him an injection

its just a sedative, but whilst kaif's out she implants a tracker into his skin

when kaif wakes up he's completely naked (ebbz doesnt really think he's going to need clothes) except for a specially designed custom made collar around his neck, and ebbz tells him that she's so happy he agreed to sign that whole contract

kaifs insanely confused and ebbz essentially tricks him into believing he's willingly signed a contract which basically means hes going to be her property/pet now for the rest of his life, and she gently assures him that he'll be safe and oh so dearly loved whilst he begins to panic

from there ebbz does a lot of things to him

she chains him down underneath her desk blindfolded and forces him to eat her out for hours till his knees hurt saliva running down his chin his face and the blindfold wet from how she keeps shoving his face into her

he ends up getting given a lot of experimental drugs that just make his body more sensitive and mind more pliable

also a fat ass because what is the point of going through all this trauma and not having the dummy thick muscled thighs to show for it (its an unexpected side effect. ebbz loves it.)

she slowly starts to condition him

main way is pavloving him. she plays wirh him and makes him cum a lot, but each time she does she takes great care to introduce some other stimulus right as he finishes depending on how she's doing it to make his brain connect that specific thing to orgasming.

there's a handful of different triggers based on the different ways she likes to play with him.

a clicker (like for dogs) for the vibrator, which she clicks right next to his ear each time he cums from it (this trigger sets in the fastest), a very specific scented candle for whenever she uses her hands to jerk him off, pressing her nails into his spine whenever she pegs him, a musical chime whenever she fingers him

eventually, she begins to introduce these triggers into his normal enviroment and the result is as expected. whenever he registers them, his brain assumes he's going to cum soon and he gets incredibly horny as a result.

she sets up a new clock in her office which sounds uncannily like the clicking sound of the clicker causing him to get a hard on every single time he walks in to see her

she starts leaving those candles around the house to catch him off guard, pressing her nails into his spine whenever she's leading him somewhere in the house, hanging up windchimes with the same tune

that combined with the experimental stuff ebbz is giving him is the result of kaif turning into a constantly needy, horny mess

the aforementioned experiments make it basically impossible for him to lose an erection if he doesnt cum (no cold showers), but ebbz doesnt allow him to get off unless he asks. every day he has to pathetically whine at ebbz's door until she lets him in, gently bringing him into her lap and purring into his ear, asking him whats wrong as his pre leaks onto her thighs and ruins her pants, and he has to beg her to let him cum

he's so confused as to why hes suddenly become so horny all the time (give him a break he doesnt know what a pavlov is) and ebbz just coos about how this is proof he needs someone to take care of him and train him because he's such a messy, slutty little thing who can't help himself and you just need to be fucked senseless, don't you, kaif?

she trains him to respond to commands, and with a single word she can have him inbetween her thighs using his tongue to make her feel good or sit by her leg and let her gently play with his hair and pat him whilst she focuses on something else

its not long until he's completely underneath her thumb. hes not too fussed about being her pet- its amazing, actually, and he cant really think of why he'd ever want anything different when ebbz takes such good care of him

she even ends up letting him leave the house by himself because he's so well trained that they both know he will always come back to her no matter what

might write a whole multichap thing on this i love this idea who knows, or more yandere!ebbz i love her being insane

[theinyshlobster]

things have gotten worse since we last spoke by eric larocca [review]

read in one sitting [september 3rd]

read for sapphic september!!!!!

review:

slight spoilers! proceed at your own risk.

i’m sitting here cackling because what in the actual fuck did i just read. i’m crying from laughter right here. does that say something deeper about my psyche at the moment? probably. was this incredibly silly goofy? yes!!!!!

my only real gripe is this is solely related to one of my triggers. now i’m fine with gore in my horror. hell i’ll watch horror movies with gore. but you bring bugs into My Horror??????? ohh i lose my mind. bugs have always been an insane trigger for me. i am always afraid bugs are in my ears. i was told once that biting your nails gives you pinworms and as a girlie with dermatillomania i had a panic attack over that thought. once i woke up in my bed to an earwig next to me and now i am always paranoid ill wake up and an earwig is in my bed. needless to say, a bitch doesn’t like bugs!!!!! so i’ll say this book really did have me!!!!! 

i don’t know what you’d call this book but it wasn’t really… horror? idk i’d say it’s more like psychological thriller. but also i realise im incredibly desensitised to weird shit so. 

i wish there was more time to expand on the fucked up relationship between these two but also this is a novella so. i’m not mad.

the ending is lowkey kinda funny? not funny haha funny goofy. i liked the way the ending brought us all the way to the beginning as well. nice little tie in.

i feel like im going to be severely judged for actually saying i had a good time. i cant say i enjoyed myself but lowkey i don’t think that’s the point. i had a good time. i felt like agnes reading this — enjoying it but not really but kind of but hating it but loving it. yeah. this isn’t a book ur meant to love. it’s so fuckjng insane. but i liked it! i’m not mad at it! i can also understand why everyone i know of either thinks this is mediocre or horrible! i am in the minority! long live the apple peeler and finneas! 

[shockingdread]

big reflection on our job and how much we've gained from it. which is to say we lost so much our health has been destroyed and we have no money to show for it

part of the reason this is being typed is because we havent smoked in a while but for real we have sacrificed everything for this job and gained nothing from it except guaranteeing our parent's roof over our head. except they still constantly threaten us and disrespect us. we're at this fork in the road where we have to decide if we're actually doing what we want with our life and if this job is helping us do that. what we want in life is to transition, a shitty car, an apartment with a friend or two, and a job in game development. we threw our transition into the trash to avoid getting hatecrimed by our coworkers, and health wise we're at our lowest. we're starving ourselves, we're not cleaning our room of food trash and we're getting repetitive infections from unwashed sheets and clothes. we have zero savings after eight months here making 19.50 because we're too paranoid to stay in a grocery store for more than ten minutes without supervision. our only irl friend moved so we cant ask her for help anymore, our family knows that we struggle with paranoid schizophrenia and they think it is funny and do not help. doordash and the local restaurants have scraped like 15k off of us since we got this job. we picked up smoking to try and reclaim some sort of control over our body, as a weird "fuck you" to our parents and anyone who tells us how to live our life, and its ended with us getting thru a pack every other day. thats like, 40 dollars a week of nj taxed marlboro menthols. we have so little energy at all times, even with our on/off schedule (two days on, two days off, three days on, two days off, two days on, three days off. repeat every two weeks) we cant do anything on our days off because our whole body aches. we cant think through the pain, so we cant even work on our game or do shit other than play tf2 and shoot shit on calls with friends. we're so miserable, we're filling the gaps with cigs and ice cream and excessive amounts of chinese takeout because we're a huge stress eater (but still losing a surprising amount of weight). now that my coworker tore the ligaments in her knee, she's got priority in orion instead of us. so every night has been in blow mold, where we spend so much more energy than we actually have. we're in debt to our own body, and the new girl is fucking everything up and blaming it on everyone around her, and the company's in a hiring freeze right now so if she leaves no one's taking her spot, and its still summer so just going to work burns and the car's AC is fucked so there's no relief from 12 hr nights in the steamy 80 degree factory. when we started working at our other factory job, we said to everyone, "this has to be temporary, i am not gonna last here, i am going to burn out and start making awful decisions and undo what good this is" and not only did that come to pass but it happened significantly sooner than i expected. this job has truly taken everything from us and left us in the negative and im starting to think keeping it thus far has just been like.. sunk cost fallacy. whatever the case is, it's time to start looking for something new asap. im probably putting my two weeks in soon. our sister is trying to help us get groceries now, we're trying to pick up the pieces this weekend. we'll feel it out but get excited for our unemployment

[everything-i-couldnt-tell-u]

im not sure who i am right now but i've probably merged myself into a singlet so it's a mess

as arveil, i always have and still love you a lot and i wanna do so many things for you without needing anything in return. i don't know if it was wrong that i pressured you to give sevy something you can't, cause how can i say i truly love if you i disliked the way you are that much?

but yk as sevy, i changed myself so much before, instead of asking you directly for what she needed. as sevy, i burnt myself out trying to figure out why you seemed so dry and uninterested towards me. why you only sounded lively when the topic would be about you. why you seemed to only have so much to say when it comes to your criticisms.

i'm not sure why i kept doing that as sevy, i guess it was the only option i saw. instead of forcing you to be the kind of person i need, i tried to figure out how i could possibly change myself just so i could be with you. but that just led me to keep killing myself as sevy all of the time. and as sevy, i honestly don't know if there's something wrong with me that's why i've only been seeing your bad parts.

as agustine on the other hand, i've been dying from so much guilt. if i hadn't acted like such a clown as agustine and said embarrassing stuff in front of you, maybe sevy would've never had to suffer from what happened in that server.

that fear i had as agustine had been subconsciously controlling the automatic switching between us. whenever you'd do something that would make sevy start trusting you, i would get scared as the host. cause if sevy gets hurt again, i'd be the one to blame, cause i'm the host who has control over everything this body does. if she gets hurt again, it would be my fault cause i allowed those things to happen.

and god maybe the reason why i might've pressured you back then is because as agustine, i actually love sevy a lot. i don't want to give her to just anyone unless i'm sure that she'll really be loved properly. i've always been hesitant in letting her be with you cause of that. sometimes i gaslight other people that sevy's an unstable and horrible creature cause i'm scared of letting anyone love her. unless they can love sevy the way she needs to be loved, i don't want anyone getting close with her.

i feel so sick whenever i hear sevy crying and screaming inside my head because of everyone, not just you. as the host, i've got a lot of issues as well. i'm just as paranoid as her, we just do it differently.

if i've been acting like a different person to you, that's only because i've decided to keep sevy inside me. i am scared of how i'm losing sevy more and more because i allowed her to keep killing herself for you. but i've decided that i'm gonna keep her alone with me for now and help her find herself back.

i've got nothing to do with you or anyone as agustine, but arveil doesn't want his friendship with you getting affected. when it comes to sevy, obviously nothing is really gonna happen between you two right now so there's no point in worrying about that anymore.

first of all it's too damn early for any of that romance stuff and i should find a way to get my personal life together first. second, older people i've met struggle to be the kind of person i need them to be so it would be wrong to expect from you. i don't want sevy to keep crying over you, i want her to enjoy her life as a teenager first and discover herself without being so damn affected by whether you like her or not.

her love for you isn't really gone right now, i've just forced it to go dormant.

[kirbycrouch]

living with bpd has to be one of the hardest things i have to deal with. i cant even begin to count the amount of friendships and friend groups ive lost and pushed away because of my unstable emotions and my inability to talk about my feelings and be vulnerable with people. i fucking hate being vulnerable, i hate talking about my feelings. but also i guess its just that i never really learned *how* to talk about my feelings. my whole life i was yelled at and told im "ruining everything" and am being "selfish" or "self centered" or that im a "burden" whenever i talked about my feelings or showed emotion. you see, my family has always been huge on their image and reputation, anything that could possibly make them look bad was seen as a problem, and thats why my family always ostracized me and saw me as a problem. when i got bullied all throughout grade school and high school my parents would blame it on me and would tell me "why is it only you that has these problems?? no one else in the family had these problems!!" and thats around when the first time i attempted to kill myself, but even then my parents tried so hard to hide the reason why i was in the hospital and told everyone its from "allergies" even though i was there for two weeks. sure theyre nicer to me now, but the damage was already done. truthfully though im used to always getting the short end of the stick and losing everything, or having things just. not. go. my. way. on top of me having bpd and being autistic and honestly at this point probably schizophrenic too with how fucking often i experience hallucinations and paranoid delusions, i also found out that i have pcos the other day right before my birthday, which my birthday also sucked but at this point it was too late for me to have a good birthday in the first place. i have to deal with having chronic mental and physical illnesses for the rest of my life that not only affect my personality but affect my physical appearance and health too. im not desirable physically or emotionally. everything i liked about myself is being taken away from me. and it doesnt help that i keep pushing away the people that care about me because of how fucking unstable and stupid i am. i lost everything. and i really cant even be upset because its all my own fault. i just continuously self sabotage myself. but i guess its not only my own fault because how cant i be scared? not that long ago i got banned from a college club, lost a whole group of friends, because i reported my rapist/abuser and they called me a liar. my rapist/abuser was "banned" too but we all know that i was only told that so i wouldnt report the club or "expose" them or whatever even though regardless no one will fucking believe me. when i was raped in high school someone i thought i could trust told everyone and i got called a "whore" and a "slut" throughout the whole 4 years there, not to mention he was in most of my classes despite me fucking begging the school to take him out of my classes or to change my schedule so i dont have to fucking see him everyday. of course they didnt listen, though. why would they? a few weeks ago my therapist literally told me "next time this happens you should keep it to yourself because no one believed you the last two times" and that just. broke me. but i cant even really be upset because shes right. no one believed me, and if it ever happened again still no one would believe me. no one ever takes my side, ive been alone and lonely my whole life, but its mostly my fault that im like this so who am i to get upset over my own actions. i dont know how much longer i can handle any of this, i thought things were getting better for me but i feel myself falling down the hole again. i really want to end it all. i dont have hope for things ever getting better for me. some people are just given a bad set of cards and theres no way they could ever win, and i think im one of those people, so i should just give up.