#i feel like i'm forgetting stuff but this is long enough as it is rip

[ladykailitha]

A Gentle Bloom

I don't know where this came from but I think I lost the plot a little bit at the end there. But enjoy.

~

Eddie walks into Family Video and immediately Steve smiles. He can't help but smile back. He comes up to the counter where Steve is filing returns.

"Hey there, big boy," Eddie teases, "did you know you smile every time I come in?"

Steve blushes and ducks his head, shaking. "I didn't."

"Sure do."

Steve chews on the bottom of his lip. "Do you want me to stop?"

"Nah..." Eddie says brightly. "It's a nice change of pace from what the rest of the town does."

Steve smiles even brighter. "Then I'll make sure to smile even more now when I see."

"You do that," Eddie says deeply serious and fond.

Steve busies himself with work while Eddie walks the aisles making commentary to see how long it takes for Steve to laugh. It never takes long, so tries to see how many times he can make him laugh instead.

Total? About seven before he accidentally makes a rude comment with some old bitch right around the corner and has to stop. Steve admonishes him in the moment but after she's gone, tells him he thought it was funny, too.

~

The warm smiles Eddie gets from Steve are enough to power him through even the worst days. It's like drinking a cup of hot chocolate all at once on a cold winter's day.

It's on a warm June day when everyone is over at Steve's for a party when the edge of the knife they've been balancing on finally tips over. Eddie works late so he arrives most of the way into dinner which was hot dogs and hamburgers grilled up on the back porch next to the pool.

There's this old swinging deck love seat nestled in the woods a little bit a way from the house. It's still on the property and Eddie stops there for a smoke before joining the party.

Wayne spots him. Because of course he does. He comes over and sits next to him on the swing.

"You do know that boy is sweet on you, right?" Wayne says jutting his chin at the man of the hour who is happily chatting with El and Lucas about something.

"Whatever you say, old man," Eddie says shaking his head and then taking another drag of his cigarette. It's not that he doesn't believe him. Not really. He's just too tired to think about it right now.

Wayne chuckles. "I'll show you."

"Show me what?" Eddie asks and then shakes his head again.

Wayne gets up and Eddie can hear the exchange.

"Hey, Steve," Wayne greets.

"Hey, you enjoying yourself?" Steve asks brightly.

"Sure am," he says warmly. "Eddie's here."

Instantly Steve perks up and looks around.

"He's just feeling a bit tired and not ready to join the party yet, if you wanted to say hi." He points the direction of the swing. "He's right there."

Steve looks over at him and smiles. "I know how that goes. Take as much food as you want." He pats Wayne on the arm and heads in toward Eddie.

Eddie can't help but smile at the boy as he comes over to sit down.

"Rough day at work?" Steve asks gently, putting his arm over the back of the swing.

Eddie just shakes his head. "Just long." He looks out at all the people having fun. "So what's the deal with the shindig? It seemed pretty important that everybody be here."

Steve blushes and pulls something out his back pocket and hunches over the piece of paper in his hands.

"What's that then?"

Steve straightens and clears his throat. "Would you help with my speech? I wrote some of it down so didn't forget stuff. Robin says it makes me sound like a dork, but because I am, it works. But I'm still not sure."

Eddie softens. "Sure, Stevie. Wha'cha got?"

"Thank you all for coming to--"

Eddie holds up his hand. "I'm gonna stop you there. This isn't a business meeting or telling people you're dying. Unless you are dying?"

Steve shakes his head and digs out a pen from his front pocket. He scratches out the first line. "I've always been the kind guy to rip off a bandaid instead of little by little, so you're wondering why you weren't told first, the only ones I've told are Robin..." he continues and sticks out his tongue as he writes and talks at the same time, "and Eddie because they help me write it..."

Eddie smiles at him. "I like that. Doesn't hurt anyone's feelings."

Steve looks up at him and gives him the biggest smile yet. Eddie melts a little bit more.

"So the truth is that I'm bisexual," Steve continues looking back down at the page and misses Eddie's stunned reaction. "It doesn't mean I have both male and female parts despite what it sounds like."

Eddie barely manages to stifle his giggle but as Steve grins too, he figures it's a deliberate joke and let's it slide.

"It means I like boys and girls," Steve says after a brief pause and a sigh. "It also doesn't mean that it changes my previous relationships in anyway. I'm not half gay and half straight. And while I recently figured it out, I've been this way for awhile. I didn't know that other people didn't have crushes on both actors and actresses. On pop princesses and rock gods."

"Yeah..." Eddie says drawing out the word, "that should have been a pretty clear indication you liking both, pretty boy."

Steve blushes and clears his throat. "And even though I've never kissed a boy or anything like that, doesn't mean it's only thet--throg--the--"

Eddie looks over his shoulder. "Theoretical," he says sounding it out for him. "It means you don't have the practice so it doesn't count. Or at least it does in this context."

Steve nods. "That's basically the end of it anyway. I just say I'm going to be dating guys and girls now and to not freak out when I do."

Eddie scoots closer to Steve on the swing. "Do you want it to be practical?"

"Huh?" he asks, that slightly vacant expression on his face that he gets when he's really confused.

So Eddie cups his face and kisses his lips gently.

"Oh."

"Would you like to have a boyfriend before going in there and reading your lovely little letter to all your friends?" Eddie breathed, still cupping his cheek.

"Yeah," Steve breathes and they kissing again.

~

Steve's nearing the end of the speech and Eddie is so close to giggling that Robin keeps glaring at him and mouthing the words, "I know what you are, Eddie Munson."

It's not helping keeping the giggles in, if he's honest.

"And I had this big paragraph with a lot of big words about how I never kissed a boy but that it didn't mean I didn't know if I really liked boys or not, but I don't need that anymore."

Max raised her hand. "Before you get all giddy about your boyfriend and steamroll over the bisexuality part, can we talk about that for a minute?"

Steve shoves the paper back in his pocket and says, "Shoot."

"You say it's not 50/50 but what does that mean exactly?" she asks.

"Oh, good question," he says proudly and she blushes. "So for me at least, it's mostly girls with some guys. But it can be anything from that one member of the same sex and then the rest is opposite sex and vice versa. And everything in between."

"How did you know you liked boys?" El asks, tilting her head in that way she does.

"The things I was feeling for girls," Steve explains, "the butterflies around certain boys, the blushing, the wanting to be around them all the time, or in the case of actors wanting to meet them not because I thought they were cool but because I wanted them to sweep me off my feet. Does that help?"

"But both?" Mike asks. "I don't understand. You say it feels the same so how did you not know?"

"Ah."

"Because liking your own gender is scary," Robin says from her perch behind Steve. "And so you might think it's something else. Jealousy, envy, or even just think you want to be them. It's same if you only gay, too."

They all look at her wide-eyed. "Oh, I guess this is my coming out party, too. Hi, I'm gay!"

Steve turns around a gives her a high five.

"If it'll help," Eddie says, "We can do a heads up seven up type deal. Only Steve will see, but if you feel attraction to girls, raise your hand, if you feel attraction to boys raise your hand and he figure what to say easier. Erica you don't have to participate if you don't want to."

She makes a face. "Boys are gross, but in a cootie way."

Steve nods.

"I'd feel more comfortable if it wasn't just Steve," Nancy says, arms folded across her chest.

"Robin or Eddie?" Steve asks, "because everyone knows what they are and won't judge."

They vote and it's Eddie, so Robin goes to sit with the rest of them so she take part too.

"Girls," Steve calls out and gets a head count. Five. And the ones he expected on that one.

"Boys," he calls out next. There are four, just not the four he was expecting. The surprise squirms a little as if they can feel Steve's gaze.

And one exception.

"Huh," he says. "That was certainly interesting. There is one who answered both and another that answered neither."

Dustin wrinkles his nose. "How can you not like either boys or girls?"

Joyce actually raised her hand. "I can answer that, I know I wasn't supposed to peek, but I kinda did," she winces bobbing her head back and forth. "Anyway. There are people who no matter who just aren't able to experience attraction that way. They don't what causes it, but they think it might just be like being gay."

"Can they still fall in love?" Will asks shyly. And Steve knows that Will knows who the exception was.

Joyce's expression softens. "Of course they can."

"Liking your own sex," Steve says, "is fine and good. And if you like both, that's fine too. But you get to chose your coming out when and to who. Just like I did. And if you need advice, you come to any of us privately."

Eddie and Steve share a look. They know the three who over the next couple weeks would be coming to Steve for advice. Will. El. Mike.

"So," Steve says clapping his hands together, "if there aren't any other questions. As of..." he looks at his watch, "twenty-seven minutes ago, Eddie and I are dating."

Eddie takes his hand and kisses it as the entire room explodes. Mostly in congratulations but some dismay. Like Mike.

But in the end they are all happy for them. Mike will come around.

He always does.

[justwonder113]

Sharing a bed with Lee Know

Chan; Lee Know ; Changbin; Hyunjin; Han; Felix; Seungmin; IN;

My Masterlist

Summary: Feeling beyond frustrated with your boyfriend you leave your phone home and head out to drink your sorrows away, meanwhile he's stuck there losing his mind trying to find you. Warning: CURSING It's me who's surprised there. Angst to fluff. Barely mentioning the sharing bed part but yeah... Reader is gender neutral. Mention of alcohol intake. reader is tipsy but fully conscious. I don't know if I missed anything so please let me know if I did. NOT PROOFREAD

A/N- Glad to announce that I'm alive and well and back with a new laptop so I won't have to break my fingers trying to type on my phone anymore!!! I'll try to update more and more now^^ As for my work, this is the first time I have written something like this and I really hope you'll like it. I tried my best to make it seem as real as possible and I'm really eager to know what you think, so if you have any feedback please tell me what you think. Again thank you for all the love and support you give me, it means the world to me!! Reblogs and comments are highly appeciated^^ Word count- 2.8k

Not knowing how to deal with your rampaging emotions you kept pacing back and forth in your apartment like a lunatic. You were at loss for words, never in your life you felt this humiliated and to think that Minho, the person who was supposed to be your safe space and your comfort person was the source of that!

Honestly, you felt torn, you were beyond mad at frustrated at Minho and wanted to rip him a new one, but at the same time you felt so heartbroken and miserable all you wanted to was to crawl in your bed and not get up for at least a week. It also didn’t help at all that your week was an absolute shit, with this said day being the cake on the top. All you wanted to do was to have a lunch with your boyfriend and just forget all the bullshit you had to go through. You knew he had a hectic schedule due to an upcoming comeback. Heck, you barely had seen him for the last maybe three weeks. He was already at practice when you woke up and immediately went to sleep when he came back in the middle of the night so he had barely any time to talk or text to you, you weren’t even talking about seeing you in person. It was what pissed you off the most. You were too considerate, how many people would be able to handle having a relationship like that, when a simple text sent your way made you want to throw fireworks? You knew he was busy, you only wanted to see him for what a half hour, just to eat together? Maybe get a hug? And an encouraging word that you could get through the day? No, what you get for bringing your very busy boyfriend and his bandmates his favorite takeout is to get yelled at in front of the said bandmates to being overly clingy and overbearing.

One part of you wanted to break down sobbing, the other part wanted to bring hell to him and make a biggest scene ever, in reality? You just left, not an ounce of emotion on your face. Maybe it would be better if you did either or those, at least you wouldn’t feel this torn now. So full of emotions feeling like you could burst any scond. No, you knew you were angry and rightfully so, this is why the tears that wouldn’t stop streaming down your face aggravated you even more. He didn’t deserve your tears not after the bullshit he pulled.

Another pang of notification brought you back to reality, God how many massages was he going to send? Who was clingy and overbearing now? If he thought that you would forgive just like that just because he was sorry then he was a damn fool. You knew he didn’t mean it; you knew him long enough to know that whenever he was too stressed he had outbursts like he did earlier and he said stuff he didn’t necessarily mean. It was an objective fact that you didn’t deserve to be called clingy. But it didn’t matter, he humiliated you in front of all these people and that wasn’t something you could easily forgive. Hell, how could you forget such thing? He could have said that he needed space that he was busy, no matter how vulnerable you felt, no matter how much you needed him in that moment you would have understood.

Maybe it was a sign. Your relationship was still considered new, it wouldn’t hurt as much ending things now. Maybe you could even return to being friends again. Another pang of your phone followed by another in less than five seconds, then another.

God, you couldn’t bear it anymore, you needed some air.

Not even considering to take your phone with you you left your apartment. You didn’t exactly know where you were going but it would be better than feeling suffocated in your own house.

***

Probably not the wisest choice because now you were worst kind of drunk in this bar meaning your mind was completely sober but your body seemed disconnected from your mind, everything was spinning and your whole body moved as if in slow motion. God what a beautiful day you couldn’t even drink to forget your own sorrows. Better go home then, or at least head to that direction.

You only managed to pay for the drinks and get outside before you felt so queasy you had to stop and lean on the lamppost. God, you hated that your body wasn’t listening to you.

Also, you were starting to regret not bringing your phone with you. You would have called your friend to pick you up and maybe take you with them or at least order a cab. Also, not really wise to spend most of the money you had in your wallet on drinks. God, you felt like shit.

Oh wow it was already night, and based on how there was barely anyone around it must’ve been quite late too.

You started walking but barely made 10 steps before you had to stop again, it was as if your body had a mind on its own and was refusing to cooperate.

“Baby!” You heard a loud yell and before you even had the time to react you were engulfed biggest hug ever. You almost wrapped your arms around your boyfriend before you remembered you were mad at him. Fortunately for you he almost immediately let go, carefully examining everything, his eyes so full of worry you felt bad for him for a second.

“What are you doing here?” You didn’t even try to hide your displeasure. Minho flinched as if he was physically hit by your words.

“I was searching for you! I was out here wandering in these streets trying to find you for hours! I was about to call the police when I saw you here!” You felt guilty, looking at him. He looked dishelved, hair messy as if he had run his hand through it countless times, he was out of breath as if he had been running, his eyes red and swollen as if he had cried…Was he really running around searching for you?

“Who’s being clingy now? Couldn’t last five minutes without seeing me? Had to search for me all over town? So clingy and overbearing!” You watched as your words hit him like a slap, his face morphed into a pained one. You felt horrible talking to him this way, but part of you was satisfied, wanting him to know just how much words could hurt.

“I’m sorry…” His voice was quite almost inaudible, you knew he meant it but you would be dammed if you forgave him just like that.

“You should be, you were beyond cruel.” Even you were surprised how emotionless you sounded. You would also be fooled if you didn’t know the turmoil that was inside you right at this moment.

He lowered his gaze unable to look you in the eyes. “I know.” Oh great he knows, what a balm to your wound.

“You really hurt me Minho!” There was it, the anger, the hurt, you didn’t have the energy to contain it anymore.

“I know.”

“Oh that fixes everything then! You know! Do you know anything but that sentence? Is that all you have to say?” Silence, you couldn’t help but huff out a laugh bitterly, feeling defeated. “What even are you doing here Minho?”

“You weren’t picking up the phone, your house was empty, neither your friends or your family knew where you were. I had to find you to know that you were safe!” His voice was strained, he looked like he was seconds away from busting in tears.

“I’m safe you can go home now!” You turned around to head home, all these emotions making you feel a bit more sober. You barely made two steps before a hand grabbed your wrist gently halting your movement. His voice desperately calling your name. “Please…”

You couldn’t take this anymore. You turned back to him eyes full of rage burning with unshed tears begging to be let out. “Please what Minho? What do you want me to do? You can’t even tell me normally why you were searching for me. You agree with me that you hurt me yet you’re not even saying you’re sorry, and no I won’t take that halfassed apology or whatever that was. What do you want me to do? It’s like you don’t even know what you want yourself so what do you really expect me to do?”

You watched a tear run down his reddened cheek. It infuriated you how breathtaking he looked right now. Not even the most skilled painter would be able to capture his beauty, not a single camera would be able to capture the full beauty. God, you hated how your heart only sang for him even in this much pain he caused. Here he was watching you in sorrow, in pain, angered by his betrayal while he did nothing just stand there idly looking ethereal, still managing to have you in his chokehold.

“Do you even love me?” No matter how hard you tried to fight it the dam broke. A tear slid down your face, quickly followed by another, then yet another, till it felt like a little stream down your face. You forced yourself to look him in the eyes, the pain and anger burning in them. His eyes also full of pain but you couldn’t read anything more. There were times you thought you could read his emotions… What a fool you were.

Your body started to shake trying to hold violent sobs wanting to break through. No matter how much you were fighting it you were starting to break down as if already knowing the answer. Subtly wrapping your arms around yourself you tried to hold yourself, to prevent breaking down even more. You hated feeling this weak. Hated that you couldn’t control yourself. Hated that you had to break down in front of him like this! To show him your weakness…

It was as if Minho awoke from the trance he was in, in the tenth of the second his arms were gently cradling your face and his lips were connected to yours, giving you probably the most passionate kiss you had ever received.

Your whole body felt like it was on fire. The tears really felt like tiny rivers on your face, no matter how many times Minho tried to gently rub them from your face with his thumbs they just wouldn’t stop coming. The kiss was gentle yet firm, it tasted salty from both your tears (probably mostly yours) but still familiarly sweet. His lips moved against yours in determination, as if to show you his feelings the only way he knew how.

You felt like your body and mind were on overdrive feeling too many emotions at once, not fully knowing how to react. You tried to resist the urge to reciprocate the kiss but you almost immediately folded, almost quite literally because now if not Minho’s hands  migrating from your face to your waist you weren’t sure you would be able to be stand. Yor body felt like it was completely shutting down and you felt like you were at his mercy and based on how tightly he held you against his body and how fiercely he was kissing you he wasn’t planning on letting you go any time soon. And he didn’t, he only leaned his head back a little to give you time to catch your breath.

“I’m cruel as you said, and mean and cold and I most definitely don’t deserve such an amazing person as you by my side, I’m not even worthy of your forgiveness! You didn’t deserve to be told you’re clingy or overbearing or some shit like that when you’ve been so supportive, so kind, so patient and loving towards me when we both know I didn’t do shit to earn it.” His broken voice pulled on your heartstrings, no matter how angry you felt it was whole another pain to feel him talk so about himself. Minho lifted your hands and carefully kissed both of them, his hands slightly trembling. He looked you in the eyes, and for a second you were taken aback with the sea, no ocean of emotions in them. “I’m really sorry I hurt your feelings. There’s nothing I can say to justify my actions, but I promise you I never meant any of my words. I’m sorry I’ve been a terrible boyfriend to you but please trust me when I say, I love you with my whole heart, with everything I have and everything I am, please never doubt that.”

You stood like that for a second or two, maybe even a minute, unable to find words to say. You didn’t even now what you were feeling. Everything inside was a mess. Sighing in defeat you held your hand forward, Minho’s confused eyes snapping at them then at you in a second.

“Take me home.”

Minho took your hand without even thinking twice.

***

You knew you said that you felt a bit more sober earlier but that turned out to be a lie because you still felt so queasy getting in your bed felt like climbing the mount Everest and that with Minho’s help, who didn’t once let go of your hand and helped you with every step of your night routine. None of you had said a word since you held in your hand to him. You knew he was nervous based on the slight trembling you felt from time to time as you held his hand but honestly you didn’t know what you were going to say to him.

“I texted everyone that you’re home safe and that you’re going to sleep.” Minho broke the silence, his voice a bit coarse. You looked at him which made him look even more nervous. If not the circumstances you would find his unsureness and even shyness absolutely endearing. “There’s water and painkillers on your bedside table.” A nod from you, you were tired, you felt like you could sleep for a whole day.

You quickly came back to your senses when he let go of your hand. “You should go to sleep now, I will leave you to rest.”

Thankfully you managed to grab his wrist before he could leave. “Where are you going?“ Minho looked taken aback, clearly not expecting you to reach out for him.

“I thought you would want some space.” He sounded defeated.

You groaned as you fell on your bed. “God we really need to work on our communication skills. I promise I will tell you if I ever need space from you, now get in bed. There’s no way I’m letting you out of house on 3 am or whatever time it is, it’s late!”

After a second of silence you opened your eye to check on Minho, to see if he was here and you weren’t talking to yourself like a lunatic. The sight made your breath hitch. He had the softest smile adorning his face as he watched you, his eyes full of love, you had never seen him smiling at you like that.

“Careful or I might think you care for me.” There he was being a little shit you knew and loved, had to ruin a moment. you made sure to groan as loudly and as dramatically as possible.

“Minho I swear to God! Get in bed or I am going to make you sleep on the floor!” You tried to threaten but the smile that broke through your face wasn’t fooling anyone.

Minho didn’t waste a second and almost immediately you were pulled into a hug, your head smushed against his chest which beat wildly as if in joy.

“I could have given you a second to change you know, I think I might have something you can change into…” Minho didn’t let you finish your sentence -“Let me just hold you for a second, please.”

Not wanting to deny him you wrapped your arms around him and held him just as tight. Both of you feeling content being in each other’s arms, finally feeling calm and most importantly safe.

“I love you.” You heard Minho mutter against your skin, he was so still you thought he had fallen asleep. You looked up at him, there was that gaze again, so full of love and tenderness. Not even trying to hide your smile you leaned in and captured his lips in a soft kiss. “I know. I love you too.”

Reblogs and comments are highly appeciated^^

[neonovember]

Hello, uhm, so this MAY be an uncomfortable thing to request I’m not too sure. It’s totally totally okay if it is absolutely feel free to ignore this, but the way you write Carmen is so so comforting. I have this neighbor that lives downstairs from me, I’ve lived in my apartment for two years but the past 4 months with this guy has been hell. I live in the U.K. and the people that own the building and the police don’t view my situation as anything dangerous or serious, despite the fact I have made numerous complaints and even the other neighbors in my building have complained about him. But he targets me the most and bangs on my door at ungodly hours and threatens the most horrible stuff because I’m a woman living alone. I’m honestly terrified but unless he physically does something there’s nothing I can do. I’m sorry for the sob story but usually I always try and just picture Carmy as something comforting to help through this until I can be safe, would it be okay to request something like Carmen finding out about his gf losing sleep and constantly being terrified and deciding to take matters into his own hands, and demanding she moves in with him and helps pack her stuff because he will NOT stand for that shit (again totally 100% okay if you don’t feel comfortable responding)

oh my god anon, I'm so deeply sorry that you have to deal with such a shitty situation, and the fact that you have to wait to be physically attacked before the police can do anything? Fuck the justice system and fuck law enforcement. Don't every feel scared to send a request to make your day or week or fucking month better, it's why I'm here, and the fact that my writing can make you feel even a little better is the greatest gift i could ever ask for. God I just hope you're able to remain safe, call a friend or family to keep them posted in case anything happens, I'm so very sorry honey :(

Broken bones and soup

carmen berzatto x reader

warnings: misogyny, violence, feral!carmen makes an appearence, angst, horrible neighbours, angst, teeth rotting fluff, carmy feeding you

w/c: 5.3k

a/n: this was hard to write, i really wanted to do it right by you anon, and when have i ever written carmen without him breaking someones face?

The falling sun encapsulated the cerulean sky, exploding against the horizon in heated shades of orange, crimson and pink. The trail back to your apartment complex wasn’t long, but it gave enough time to bask in the warmth of evenings bathed in sunlight. It also conveniently enabled you to tell yourself you had gotten your sun for the day, rather than having to swallow pills you hated to swallow.

It was muscle memory however, your legs moved with the familiar comfort of the sidewalk, forgetting the stomach turning realisation of what had awaited you back at your apartment. 

It had been a couple months, four maybe 5, you didn’t really want to count the days having a violent neighbour moved in directly down your apartment. The other tenants who you've grown to know collectively bristled with the annoyance of a 30 something year old filling the usual peaceful nights with crashes and yells of broken plates and incoherent obscenities. 

When you had raised the issue to the landlord and even to the police, you had been shut down with a shrug of the shoulders. 

‘We can notice him with a noise complaint, but if he aint hurting anyone we can’t do much’. 

That had made you laugh a little then, before you had been close to bawling your eyes out and ripping out your hair. Sure he was loud, your neighbours from the other side of the apartment complex could attest to that, but it was so much more than loud fucking music, and somehow, you had bared the brunt of his violence. It was targeted, you knew it, and your legs began to shuffle at the thought of coming home to another violent outbursts at your door. 

You hadn't gotten any proper sleep for the past 4 months, waking up to loud banging at your door, and declarations of brutality he whispered through your keyhole. It was all empty threats, those men in clad uniform had told you when you woke up shaking with fear as he screamed taunts of murder from below, you had run out in your pyjamas and bunny slippers and they had told you they couldn't help you. 

There were not empty threats, and this wasn’t the hundreds of true crime shows you had binged, you felt it in your bones, you were a woman living with yourself for god sake, he was going to break down your door one day and hurt you, and you couldn't do anything about it. You felt paralysed by the helplessness of it, forcing yourself to stay up past 12, the burn of your tired eyes forced open by the blue light of your phone, in case he tried breaking in. You had begun to keep a bat near your bed, a knife in the drawer of your bedside, and you felt fucking insane. Noone had made a major problem out of it, and yet you felt like he was one bad day from a murderous rampage.

Carmen could tell something had been wearing on your shoulders, the way your eyes blinked slowly, and the syrup slow movements of your limbs when you had visited the Beef not long ago. You couldn't bear to tell him, your past relationships had taught you enough not to unload all your problems onto another person, but it had gotten bad. You had started getting notices of concern from your boss, asking if you were alright, telling you how your performance had been declining.

You had quickly shut down any looks of concern thrown at you, this was something you had to deal with yourself, you didn’t want anyone, especially another woman to be faced with the brunt of his violence. You guzzled caffeine and energy drinks like it was water, and your limbs jittered with the rush of adrenaline until the peak had dropped and you felt like your stomach was ripping itself apart.

You braced yourself as you turned the corner into your apartment complex, keeping your head down, and going through the carpack to avoid the hallway that was right next to his door. You felt your stomach drop, your keys pressed between your knuckles and you flickered your eyes up to the door of his apartment. You watched it like a hawk, ready to flee at any sign of opening, and when you had finally made it to the elevator, you breathed a sigh of relief like no other. The air suddenly fills your lungs once again.

Your phone buzzed in your jean pocket, and you reached out to grab it, the screen illuminated by Carmen’s text. You felt a tingle of glee shoot through you, biting back a smile at the thought of seeing him today.

“You still coming today for the family dinner?”

The beef had begun a sort of tradition, every last Friday of the month, they would close early and hold a sort of family dinner right out back near the tables and chairs. Everyone of the crew’s family and friends were invited to join, some bringing a plate or a drink or two. It was the highlight of the month, and you hadn't missed a Friday ever since Carmen and you had become something more than close friends.

You typed out a quick reply with a tongue in your cheek, as the elevator doors opened, you didn't look up right away, walking with your head down as you tucked your phone back into your pocket. It was a fault on your end, you should have looked up, at least then you could have braced yourself as your neighbour stood stationed near your door with a cheshire smile stretching ominously across his face. 

You wondered if you could run back into the elevator, but the doors had closed well before and you feared turning your back to him was an even worse fate. You walked towards him, plastering on a smile that didn't look even a little believable.

“Something I can do for you?” You ask, your voice heightened by a mix of fear and false confidence

“Hear you've been complaining about me” The man replies with a smile, his hair slicked back, the shadow of a badly shaven skin spiking up. His shirt reeks of sweat and stains of spilt takeaway and you have to take a tentative step back to escape the stench radiating off of him.

“Yeah, you might not realise it, but you have been a bit- uh loud, and the loud banging on my walls?” You prouch him, and his eyebrows rise in surprise, shaking his head with a laugh that horrified you.

“Am I scaring you?” The man replies 

You swallow as your eyes flicker to his burnt hazel ones, they stare down from above, almost mocking in the way they forced you to answer.

“Uh, uhm- well, a lot of us got work in the morning, and I can’t wake up if you're making a lot of noise during the night”

“Oh, is that right?” The man asks, scratching a hand across his jaw

“Well no one's been the one complaining but you” The man replies

“I don't think so many of us-”

“You saying I’m a liar??” The man suddenly shouts, and you can help yourself stepping back a distance quickly

The man watches the way you distance yourself away from him, his eyes flicker to the keys poking out from between your fingers and he bites back a laugh.

“So you are scared of me, liar.” The man spits out with venom, before stepping towards you, caging you to the wall as he whispers near your ear

“You think fucking keys are going to stop me? A little lady like you living here all by yourself?” The man digs his fingers into your sides, until you howl out and retch yourself away from him, you reach for your right side, holding the skin above your rib cage that had begun to swell and bruise.

“See how easy that was? A fucking pretzel in my hand” The man calls out with a smile, before walking back around the hallway corner with such ease and comfort that told you he knew the police wouldnt do shit.

Your hand shakes as you shove your key into your door, you have to hold your own hand to put it in, before shouldering your way through your door with wince, and dropping your bag and belongings to the floor.

You rush into your bathroom, undressing before your eyes flicker to your mirror, seeing the red rash of irritation and the start of a purple imprint of his claws shoved into the skin below your ribcage. You wince as you try to soothe it, the salty tears breaking down your waterline, you can't stop, the wretched sobs of your helplessness echoing off the bathroom walls.

You climb into the shower, sliding down to the bottom as the tears shake through you, you hug your knees to your chest, letting the warm water combine with your salty tears, so they become one, and you know longer now how terrified you are. You stay in the shower like this for a bit, letting the warmth and steam wiggle your body from its stone encapsulation.

You can hear the familiar jingle of your phone ringing from where you had haphazardly left it, and the memory of today's dinner comes rushing in. You had nearly forgotten, and whilst you were terrified to leave your home and go back into the hallway where it had happened, you couldn't let Carmen down.

So you had gotten up, in the same way you had fallen down, and tried to scrub away the smell of his day-old cigarettes and sweat until your skin burned, poking your head through a clean shirt and a skirt that hid the painful purple splotch that had begun to spread across your side.

Entering your quaint kitchen, you can’t stop your arm as it reaches for the brown liquid stored in that old glass bottle Sugar had told you was a century old. You didn't have a little liquid courage to make it past your goddamn threshold.

You downed it in a gulp, reaching for your bag and a pocket knife, just in case. The reality of that decision broke you a little, when did you start needing to armour yourself?

Your phone buzzed from its position edged between the living room couch, it was Carmen, again, telling you he was outside. Carmen had begun to ceremoniously show up to your apartment as the autumn had begun to bleed into the winter nights, and the sunlight had stretched until darkness hit by 5 in the afternoon. Any other time you would have chastised him till the point where he would stop, but now, with the reality of your neighbour, you felt a relief wash through your body at the thought of being close to him. You also don’t doubt he would have shown up anyway, ignoring your requests in the way he does when he thinks it's his responsibility.

You wouldnt say you had a lot of experience in relationships under your belt, but something spoke to you from within, carmen was something special, this was special, sacred in the way destiny was, and you shooke with the relentless fear of fucking it up. And scaring him away with your problems seemed to be on the very top of that list

You shake the thought from your head as you shut the door quietly, take a brisk pace as you walk but kind of run to the elevator. A neighbour you knew well stood near the doors, his dark auburn hair falling in front of his eyes, he nodded to you with a silent smile. He kept to himself most of the time, and you didn't know much about him, just that he always was tugging a sleeve down his left arm, but he always went out of his way to give you some sort of greeting.

The air between you was silent, as you were waiting for the ping of the elevator to drop to your door, and you heard a shuffling near you, your eyes watching the way he coughed and stared at you from the corner of your peripheral vision.

“Heard something out in the hallway, it wasn’t him again was it?” The man replied, concerned about lacing his features as his eyes seemed to be fixated on the way you leaned on one side of your body a little.

“Uh no, it’s- it’s alright, I guess it was my dues you know? Dealing with a shitty neighbour at least once” You reply with a tight smile, trying to poke fun at the very depressing thought.

The man nodded with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, your neighbours had known that he was loud, knew that you had dealt the worst of it being right above him, but they were clueless to his taunts and threats that he said into your door at night. You think the man next to you had an idea though, the way his eyes scanned anything like he was always assessing, always calculating the world around him. 

It was also because your neighbour was nowhere to be found whenever he was around, you whispered a prayer of thanks that he was taking the elevator down with you, with his sweatpants and top, it was like he knew, a silent nod of protection.

Before you could open your mouth to whisper a thanks, the doors of the elevator had opened, a tired mom and her two energetic kids passed between you both. It was funny, you could see yourself in her, the drag of dark circles and the hunch of her shoulders mirroring your own. 

You knew the very shakily painted on makeup did little to hide the exhaustion on your face and you rushed to enter the elevator to escape the thought. The motion of the elevator moving down nauseated you a little, churning your stomach in the way it always did with motion, but your apartment wasn’t big and soon enough the music of the elevator turned to a halt as the doors opened up to the ground floor.

You could see the headlights of Carmen's car through the automatic doors of your complex, and you gave your neighbour a smile before rushing to jump into the comfort of Carmen and his very, very warm car.

-- -

The car ride to the beef has been silent, just the syrupy beat of jazz from the car speakers and the burn of Carmen’s gaze searing a hole through you, you feared if you caught his eyes and the look in them the entire interaction today would tumble from your tongue.

You couldn’t ruin today, it was tradition, you had just begun to become folded into it. The joy of Tina calling your name for a hug, the talks about the new pastry ideas with Marcus, Sydney’s laughter, it soothes you like a balm, and you were sure the nausea crawling through your stomach would dissipate the second you entered.

But it didn’t, the beautiful lantern lights from outside the Beef glittered against the Chicago moonlight and the smell of Italian meatballs engulfed your senses and you still felt like you were being ripped apart from the inside.

You had said your hellos to everyone, biting back a yelp as Tina’s hand pressed against the bruise on your side, and nodding to Richie’s rambles whilst you felt outside of your own skin.

Your mind kept replaying the scene of him lunging st you, bristling your skin till goosebumps spread through, until your mind was exhausted from fear and well, fucking exhaustion and Carmen had to call your name too many times to rip you from your thoughts.

“Hey, you alright?” Carmen asks with that soft honey tone he keeps for you.

You nod with a smile, and Carmen’s eyes shift towards your plate untouched. It was your favourite, a twist on Osso Buco and yet it laid un moving, Carmen knew it, you did too, and you held back tears as Carmen simply nodded, not sure if he was overstepping his boundaries.

It was the first lick of the start of something, the both of you, the bloom of a companionship Carmen felt was destined, like it was seared into the sand years before you both had even come into existence. And Carmen was new to this, and that opened up a whole can of worms, he didn’t want to fuck it up, he didn’t want to think about fucking it up, but god did he always seem to fuck it up.

You reached across the table to grab the jar of water, your shirt riding up without you noticing. Tina’s eyes widen at the peek of a purple imprint from under your shirt and she has nearly drops her fucking fork

“Baby? What happened to your side?” Tina replies with concern, her voice is quiet but the tables loud boisterous conversations begin to slow down.

You tug your shirt down, and you burn with guilt like you had been caught with this big secret. Carmen immediately looks towards your side, his eyes scanning the way you since a little as your finger brushes against it.

“Nothing, uh um I fell” You don't even believe yourself

“That looks more than something you get tripping over your feet darling, did something happen?”

“What? What’s she saying honey? What did you see Tina?” Tina’s gaze flutters to Carmen, and there’s a pause like she’s assessing whether it was Carmen’s doing before the reality of who he is hits her. It was ingrained in every woman, and Carmen wouldn’t be an exception. Even for a second.

“Looks like someone’s goddam fist imprinted into her skin” 

The restaurant is completely quiet now, and your head falls to your uneaten plate of veal, they look towards you in concern hearing the end of Tina’s words.

Carmen lifts your shirt, and you don’t stop him, the reality of your attack is shown right there in front of him, the imprint of a large hand bruising purple and blue.

Carmen’s eyes burn into the skin, his fists shaking as he remains silent, the rest of the family look on in horror, whispers of “holy fuck?” and eyes seeing the way Carmen practically vibrates, like he’s a second away from exploding.

“..Who did this?”

“It was my fault- I”

“Who did this baby? Who hurt you?” Carmen replies with an exhaled murmur.

“I’m, uh, Uhm- he- oh Carmen” You can’t get the words out, they’re stuck in your throat and you can’t get them out. You feel trapped, your body is sweating like you’re caged, like you're wading through a current and you're losing yourself to the weight of it, your breakdown on display for the whole world to see.

You blink back tears as Carmen tilts your chin to face him, and the look on his face, the look of distraught and fear that blossoms across his features un tetheres the tightly wrapped self control you had formed.

And Carmen scoops you up into his arms so that the entire family doesn’t have to see you break into his shoulder.

His soothing words are like a balm to your distress and he walks you, bridal style to the first aid cabinet, sitting you down on the counter, wiping away your tears as his fingers shake and his throat bobs with a tight swallow. He hastily tugs your shirt, kissing back the howls of pain as he whispers “I know, I know baby girl, I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry.”

His soft fingers press gently against the bruise as he rubs a heating ointment across it, he wraps a warm compress around it as bandage and his eyes are avoiding your own as he focuses his fingers on your skin.

“Carmen?” You whisper, the hiccups of tears resounding from your throat, Carmen reaches for a painkiller, placing it in your palm with a whisper of affirmation, he gently tips your head back as he pours water into your mouth, and you swallow it quickly, before looking back at him.

“Carmen? Please” You reply, had you done it, had you ruined everything?

“I can’t look at you because I fear I might break, and- and I can’t right now okay darling? I have to find, I have to find who did this, and I need to make it right, hm? I need to make sure your safe because god my heart is outside of my chest and I can’t feel anything but fear” Carmen replies with a tight low voice, his fists shake as he pressed them into the counter beside your thighs, but he looks up to meet your gaze anyway, and he smiles tightly as the tears stream down.

“Oh Carmen, this isn't on you, you couldn't have possibly known” You reply, wiping a hand across his cheeks.

“How can you say that? I am your, I am meant to protect you, and you, you come limping in without me noticing, fucking Tina saw it before I could, and i hate myself for it” Carmen replies, his cerulean blues shining bright against the shine of tears.

“Who did this, someone at work? A guy on the street?” Carmen replies and you flick away from his gaze, hand falling to your lap as your tongue burns with the desire to just say it all.

“You've got to tell me baby girl, you have to know I've got to make it right, I won’t sleep till I do. '' Carmen replies with a pained cry, like his heart is breaking from the thought of letting this go un avenged. And it's the tortured look on his face, it's the shake of his limbs like he wants to destroy and burn the entire world around him till he finds whoever has done this that uncurls your tongue and lets everything out in the open.

“What? This has been going on for months? Why didn’t you tell me?” Carmen replies, his thumb rubbing soft circles across your thigh.

“Didn’t want to scare you away Carmen, i love-i I like you a lot, more than I have anyone and I didn't want to fuck it up and unload all my problems onto you like a dumpster” You reply, and it sounds stupid when you say it out loud, and when Carmen looks up at you in disbelieved confusion.

“Huh? Oh sweet girl, I’m meant to help you bear it all, that’s why I'm here, and the idea of you thinking I'll love you any less, that I won't help you because of something like this haunts me. I’m meant to protect you yeah? That’s my fucking job, and I’ve failed it” Carmen replies with a grunt.

“No one has said anything like that to me” You say, eyes looking up to him, you weren't shocked, but you weren't, were not shocked, never had you experienced this, this burning adoration for another person, this soft warmth that burst through you at the sound of Carmen's voice promising his devotion, promising his unyielding protection. It armoured you more than a pocket knife ever could.

Carmen presses a soft kiss to your head, before shuffling around the kitchen, walking back into the dining tables, hushing out replies of ‘she's okay’ before coming back in with your things under his arm.

“What are you doing?” You reply in question, as he slowly picks you up with an arm, and gently places you back down. His eyes are constantly flickering to your side, like he’s torturing himself with the image of the first time he saw the horrific bruise across your side.

He had never felt true fear until then, the shatter of his heart beneath his breast as he realises you had gotten hurt and he didn't even fucking realise. Nothing had mattered but your safety and he scared himself with how much his body shook with a desire to destroy the person responsible.

“I’m driving back to your apartment, where you're going to grab your necessities, whilst I pay a visit to your little neighbour downstairs. You’re staying with me, for however long,” Carmen replies with a sneer, walking you through the back door, which you were all too thankful for, you couldn't bear to see the look on the crew’s faces if you had to walk back in.

“Carmen you can’t” You reply rushed, as Carmen slid you into the passenger seat, before clicking on your seat belt for you. He cocks his head, before raising his eyebrows

“Oh, I can’t? Honey, the police don’t do their job and my baby get’s fucking hurt. Nah, that doesn't work for me” Carmen replies, before rushing to enter the driver's seat, shifting the gear into drive before speeding down the city streets. 

His focused on the road, his face unblinking and he grips the steering wheel until his knuckles turn white, you can’t stop looking at him, his gorgeous under the moonlight of the skies, his cheeks crimson from his tears, his cerulean blues calling to you like the sea, and the curl of his blonde hair falling like waves.

The view of your apartment complex comes into your vision as Carmen turns into the carpark in one swift move, you can’t stop the shake of your fingers and Carmen wants to slam his first into the steering wheel when he notices.

“You alright?” Carmen replies “You can stay here, I’ll grab whatever you need”

You want to stay, want to remain in the safety of his sleek tinted windows, but you want to face it too, and somehow that need is more important, he doesn’t get to win, no fucking way.

You unclip your seat belt, opening the door as you turn to him “You going to show me how you protect me or what?”

Carmen bites back a smile, god he was so fucking proud. He could tell you were scared shit less, and yet you fought through that fear, and god you mesmerised him. You were stronger than he could ever be, and he wanted to take that burden from you, carry it himself so you didn't have to.

Carmen jogs to the back of the car, reaching into the boot before the clunk of wood on gravel meets your ears. Carmen nods towards you, as he grips a bat under his arm

“He puts a bruise on you and i break all his fucking bones” Carmen replies, and you can’t stop the joy that image brings you

Carmen walks you to your apartment, waiting outside like a hawk, his bat tight against his grip as he watches the hallways, and for the first time in what seemed like forever, you feel infinitly and utterly safe.

You throw your toiletries into a bag, grabbing a few nights of clothes and your work shoes. You eyes flicker around your apartment, it had been home to you for the past 4 years, and yet it felt so foreign to you now, you had grown to attest this place, this place you had filled with so much of yourself, and you hate him so much at that moment, for making you feel this way about a place you had once loved.

You leave your apartment with the door shut closed.

Carmen carries your bag and places them back into the back seat of the car, and as he begins to walk towards the apartment of your neighbour you reach a hand out to stop him.

“Honey, I’ve got to-” Carmen begins before you shut him quickly

“I want to watch” You reply quietly, and Carmen’s eyes flicker, before lacing his fingers into yours, as you both knock on his door.

There's a grumble before the clank of a chain slides open, and his face appears as the door opens to him, you can see the illuminated light of his TV glaring, the floor covered with pizza boxes and beer cans. You see in real time, how his face morphs from anger into fear, his eyes dropping as he sees the way Carmen practically shakes, and the man isn’t able to let out a word, a protest or wail of a plea before the crack of Carmen's wooden bat swings through the air.

-- -

“Are you sure he isn't dead?” You reply, as you dip a washcloth into warm water, wiping away the blood across Carmen’s neck

“He isn’t going to die if I wasn’t the one causing it, besides, if he does, that’s God finishing off the rest of it”. Carmen replies, raising his face so that you cleaned the last of the streaks of blood splattered across his jaw.

Carmen reaches for your hands, pressing a kiss to the top of them as he looks at you in that way like he yearns for you to be closer. 

“You need sleep, but first you need to eat, yeah?” Carmen replies, shushing your protests and he carries you to his room in his arms, after he notices the exhaustion in your limbs. It’s dark, illuminated only by the wall to ceiling windows that look into the busy city streets and light up sky scrapers. 

The sheets are strewn across the bed, haphazard like Carmen had rushed to get them off of him in the early mornings. Carmen slides you into them, tucking you within the soft pillowy blanket, sitting on the edge as he caresses your cheek softly.

He leaves for a moment, rushing to make you something to eat, his skin crawling with a need to feel you against him, nearly tripping over himself as he walks back into his room with a bowl of soup and a bottle of water.

Carmen sits next to you again, pressing spoonfuls of soup into your mouth and wiping the edges ceremoniously as you rest against the headboard half asleep. 

You don’t notice the way he looks at you, like he's trying to memorise every dip and curve of your face, his fingers clutching the spoon tight like he’s going to break if he doesn't hold you against him.

“Honey?” Carmen replies hushed

“Hmh?” You reply, your eyes heavy as the comfort of Carmen's warmth spreads through you.

“Don’t ever scare me like that again, you tell me everything okay? Everything” Carmen replies pained, like the events that transpired somehow still were not resolved, like breaking the man's legs wasn't enough for him.

“Okay” You reply, and Carmen places the dishes onto the bedside table, leaving it to the morning because he can't keep you away from him any longer.

Carmen joins you in the bed, the left side of his bed finally taken by somebody for the first time in a long time. Tugging you against him, Carmen curls your body to lay against his chest, his fingers softly gracing your back, soft circles that had begun to lull you to a sleep you hadn’t felt in months, years even.

The beat of Carmen's heart joins with yours, together and entwined like how it was always meant to be, why had Carmen waited so long? Why had he let time pass without you tucked under him, safe within his arms and away from all the horrors of the world.

It’s only when Carmen notices the shift in your breathing, falling into a soft exhale before he even lets the whispers of sleep grip him within its grasps, his shoulders finally release from its tensed state once he knows you've finally fallen into a sleep that had been kept from you.

“You don’t know how much I love you baby girl, it fucking scares me, but I’ll keep reminding you until infinity if I have to, until you know it deep down like I do” Carmen mumbles out, his eyes falling heavy and you grips you against his chest.

You don’t really know how, but even between the state of sleep and consciousness, you hear him, and you whisper between the space in your bodies, that you already do.

[mystiffox]

— the apple's falling from the tree

from Cross: The Star Sans by @overflowofcrows

star!cross makes me incredibly ill with the tragic found family vibes ... (lays on the floor)

also have some doodles too (slight spoilers on the fic's lore below! to explain some of my thoughts on clothes n stuff)

does Cross have a star necklace in the fic? no, probably not. did i show off about my thoughts on a star necklace to Simple anyway? yes, yes i did. anyway idc where u think the necklace is from (whether its a gift from dream or a remold of his broken heart necklace, who knows atp) now ONTO THE GANG (+ Error and Fresh)

to preface this: im mostly assuming for most of the lore beyond the crumbs given to me. so, i'd imagine that when the fight ended with the gang losing, Dream and Ink immediately jailed them up. they both seem keen on keeping the gang alive, so they probably would've tried to help them with anything to make sure of it- that is, if any of the gang would even accept it in the first place.

i'm making a small guess that if there were any wounds, they used what they had to take care of it, aka ripping out parts of their own clothing to use as makeshift bandages. dream might've gave them some supplies (out of pity.. or something) but whether that was not enough or not used, i won't know

even if it was enough, there's still the factor of inevitable outburst/breakdowns from any of the prisoners. i'd imagine it'd be so hard to calm any of them down because the gang were too used to being close together that using touch became the usual grounding method— so putting a barrier between them makes it infintely harder for everyone.

i think Nightmare doesn't use his jacket anymore. it probably feels like shit/too itchy and ragged to wear and reminds him of a past he wishes he could forget. (he must feel so helpless seeing all his boys suffer after taking care of them for so long... like a lost father trying his best and seeing how much he's failing at the same time.. man.)

Dust is almost always wrapped in a blanket, the hoodie completely zipped up as if he was trying to hide in it, keeping himself as small as possible (knowing his own breakdowns are the biggest And loudest)

Horror is probably yanked back to the memories of when he was back in his home au, quietly starving and losing all the progress he had with the gang.. trying to press himself against the barriers in hopes that maybe he can feel the others on the other side of it.. (one of his outbursts would be why he ripped off the sleeves of his jacket id assume)

Killer too.. unable to get to anyone and just. with his soul going haywire sometimes, having no available output that he's forced to ride it out on his own And in front of everyone.. yeah, you get the gist for those three

Error's a mess of threads- picks at his clothes and sews em back up, just to have a reason to move his hands. he's not too worried i'd say- it's a little reminiscent of the antivoid, and he's experienced insanity already (not to say it doesn't tug at his own soul-strings to see it happen to everyone else)

Fresh might be the "cleanest" out of everyone, with barely any visible tears, but i have a good feeling his body language is different. maybe the cap is now worn correctly. maybe he took off his jacket. he's tense. his guard is up. because a parasite would never want to be locked up in one place, right?

god.

God.

they make me so sick (message is mine btw)

[v-ternus]

Dedicated to @iamthecomet, who got me back into writing. Im the anon from your box a day or so ago. Hope you love the brain rot that you've elicited.

MDNI

18+ . t!Rain and Dew first time. (cunt, pussy, cock, dick, clit for what Rain has going on, and cock/dick for Dew).

Almost 3k and I dont know how it got this long. Idek how to really tag this. Its nasty, full of yearning. Dew takes good care of our boy.

If you see a mistake, no you didnt.

-Vee

“It’s puff, puff, pass dude. Not puff and hog it”. Rain chides, sending him a jokingly accusatory look. Dew takes one more long drag before handing it to Rain and telling him to finish it off. A warm silence blooms between the two, enjoying the cool night breeze under Omega’s tree. Dew, Aether and Mountain had planted it when he retired with Terzo. After a while, Dew is the one to break the silence. 

“Why don’t we do this more often? We have the time now that tour is done. I'm sure Mountain wouldn't mind sprouting some more of the good stuff.” 

Rain doesn’t answer. He knows why they can’t do this more often. 

Being around you makes my chest cave in. I have to force my eyes shut or I would never stop looking at you. Your full belly laughs when Swiss says something dumb gets my stomach tied up in knots. The way your chest rises and falls when we’re laying out on the docks rips the breath out of my lungs. The warm stare of your pale blue eyes is blinding. I love you too much. It hurts that I can’t tell you- show you. Being around you without telling you is an unimaginable pain. 

Rain can’t bring it up. He can't risk ruining whatever they have. And besides, Dew wouldn't want him. 

“—Rain?”

Rain is yanked back from space to Dew sitting up, leaning over him. He really must've clocked out. It takes a long second for him to notice Dew’s hand right on his chest. The skin underneath it is on fire. It's too much and not enough. He wraps his own hand around Dew’s wrist and it makes sparks run through his arm. He shoots his head back and takes a deep breath. 

“I'm ok. I think I'm a little too high. You shouldn't have made me finish it” Rain tries to joke, to offer up a convincing chuckle, but fails miserably. Dew doesn't believe him. He taps Dew’s hand, asking to be let up. He leans himself against the tree and Dew follows. 

The closeness makes Rain more lightheaded than the weed. He starts rubbing the edges of his thighs, focusing on the feeling of denim against his hands. The texture is calming when he’s high. He looks over to Dew— his head against the tree, the bob of his damn Adam’s apple, the lines that make up that dumb face, the slender neck he wishes he could hold. It’s all too much. 

Before he can even register it, he’s bringing his hand up. It finds itself on the back of Dew’s neck, with his thumb caressing the skin right behind his ear. Soft. Dew shivers and his eyes shoot open. Once he realizes what he’s done, he jerks his hand back. 

I'm sorry, I don't know what that was. I'm too high. I'm sorry Dew. 

It’s all he can spit out. He’s ruined it. It's all ruined. He’s upset him. Dew doesn't want him and now Dew is angry at him. Dew grabs his wrist and Rain waits in anticipation— expecting pain or a push. Instead, he's quickly brought up to his feet by a solid tug. 

“What? Dew I—“

“Just come on Rain”

It's only a short walk to the dorms, but it feels like eternity. Rain can only register pounding in his ears and the feeling that his heart is going to beat out of his chest. They get to Dew’s room, and the door is shoved open. Dew is the first to speak 

“Are you serious?” Rain manages to find anger in the words somehow. He’s expecting the worst. The reality of the situation has sobered him up and panic is creeping in. He can’t live with Dew being angry at him.

“I'm sorry Dew, really. Can we just forget it? I’ll stay out of your way from now on. We do—“

His ramble is quickly cut off by the wind being knocked out of him. Dew, in all of his small stature, has shoved him up against the door. 

“I really hope you’re serious Rain.”

Dew’s lips find Rain’s before he can register the words. It was fast, their teeth knocking and sending the smallest cringe through both of them. But none of it mattered. Rain melts, held up by Dew and the door. His hands find purchase on Dew’s waist— fistfuls of his shirt. And he’s pulled lower, deepening the kiss. 

It's messy, hungry. It's everything he’s wanted and more. Dew is sweet— he still tastes like the weed they just smoked, earthy and floral, but underneath it is Dew. Rain swears he tastes like honey, golden amber spilling out of those sly lips which are softer than whatever Rain’s imagination could cook up. He tugs on his bottom lip as he pulls away. He can feel Dew’s gasps, hot against his cool skin when they separate to actually breathe. But it’s not enough. He needs more. 

Rain steadies himself and pushes off of the door, it makes Dew take a small step back. The small step turns into a few more as Rain keeps moving forward. Dew finds himself being pushed towards the bed. His knees hit the edge and Rain gives a final push, knocking him down. He sits himself down over Dew’s legs, placing soft kisses along his jaw, working his way down his neck. The kisses get harsher the lower he goes, he hopes they leave marks. He sucks a little too hard at the base of Dew’s neck and pulls away to a mark already forming. Dew is just as wrecked as he is– his hair is a mess, lips are a puffy red from their kisses, and breathy moans are wrung out freely. They only serve to fuel Rain on more. He licks a stripe up to his ear, biting it, worrying it between his teeth.

Dew whines. 

Rain sits back and stares at Dew— all pink with blush as he registers the noise he just made. It’s adorable, for lack of a better word. He’s wanted to see this since he was summoned. He’s wanted to see the fire ghoul wrecked for him.

“I'm serious Dew. Im more than serious.” 

Rain leans back in for a kiss and Dew is happy to let him indulge. He lets Rain pull him in closer, even though they can't physically get any closer. He lets him loom over him, as far as he’ll go. Dew reaches for the hem of Rain's shirt and gives it a tug. A silent request. The only response Rain is capable of is a quick please before Dew is pulling the shirt over him. 

Dew grabs Rain by the face, placing a soft kiss to his forehead. He continues down– his mouth, over his chin, down the column of Rain’s neck. He dips down lower, kisses his sternum, and drags his tongue back to Rain’s collar bone. His teeth graze the sensitive skin where his neck meets his shoulders and he feels Rain shake from it. Rain weaves his hands up to the nape of Dew’s neck, tugging gently at his hair.

It makes Dew bite down, not enough to break skin, but just enough to drag a moan out of the water ghoul. Rain doesn't know if he wants to push his head off or pull him in closer. Dew follows what Rain did moments before and makes a mirrored bruise at the base of his neck— reflections of one another. 

“Beautiful. So beautiful for me. My rainbow.” Dew barely spits out his praise before Rain is pulling his shirt off and pushing him onto his back. Dew fiddles with his belt, struggling to get his pants off. Rain– impatient as he is– takes it upon himself to start what Dew couldn't. He steps off of Dew to finish pulling his pants off and moves to take off his own, along with his soaked boxers that get thrown somewhere. He’s dripping desperately and is back on Dew as quickly as he was off. He lowers himself and buries his head into the mattress. He groans and drags his wet cunt over Dew’s still clothed cock. He thinks he could cum just like this– haphazardly grinding against Dew, hearing his moans right in his ear. He mutters something in the crook of Dew’s neck. 

“Louder Rainy,”. Rain doesn’t repeat himself. Instead, he props himself back up on his hands, and grinds himself down harder onto Dew. His dick catches on the fabric but Rain bites back a whimper. The drag is intense. Dew finds his hips and pulls them down just enough that a high pitched moan escapes Rain. He can feel Rain soaking through his boxers, slick just warm enough over his hardened dick that it’s maddening. 

With his head down and hair falling over his face, concealing it entirely, Rain finally lets it out, he nearly chokes on it. 

I thought you wouldn’t want me.

He sounds so wounded, ashamed. Dew brings a hand up to tuck some of Rain’s hair behind his ear, finally cradling his face. Rain leans into it with his eyes screwed shut, afraid to look at Dew. He feels so small. 

“Oh rainbow—“ Dew could almost sob. The idea that he wouldn't want Rain makes his chest tight. He’s wanted this just as much, but this is Dew. He doesn't know how to ask for what he wants. He’d rather wallow in his misery than tell Rain all that he’s been thinking- afraid of the same rejection. Afraid of driving him away.

Dew runs his thumb along Rain’s lip, trying to think of ways to comfort him, to calm his worry. 

“Rain, look at me” Dew tries to sound as comforting as possible, not wanting to give the ghoul any reason to find malice in his words. “Please look at me,”. Rain angles his head up and opens his eyes just enough for Dew to see.

“Can I show you how much I do?” 

Rain chokes on his own breath. Dew flips them over, running his hand down Rain’s side. It leaves a trail of goosebumps in its wake but he needs more. He wants to give Rain anything, everything. 

Dew runs his thumb over Rain’s hip, inches away from where he really wants him. It makes Rain throb, he’s getting wetter the longer Dew makes him wait. “Dew… please. I can’t do it anymore, please,” 

Dew gives a comforting squeeze right as he brings his hand down to Rain slick pussy. Dragging his fingers up and down his slit, he feels Rain get impossibly wetter. He slips a finger in and feels Rain clench and flutter around his digit. Dew wishes it was his cock. His wish makes him realize that he unfortunately still has his underwear on– that’ll change soon enough.

 “All this for me Rainy? You’ve got yourself all wet for me?” Dew punctuates his question by slipping another finger in. The stretch has Rain rutting against his hand, desperate. Dew makes the mistake of looking back at Rain’s face– lip caught between his teeth as he tries to hold back his noises, his palms dug into his eyes from the overwhelming pleasure as Dew works him open. Dew kisses under his jaw before readjusting himself, lowering himself to rest between Rain’s thighs. He pulls his fingers out and watches Rain’s cunt clench around nothing. Rain opens his mouth to voice his disappointment but is quickly silenced by Dew licking a long drag from his hole up to his cock. Rain’s back arches off of the bed. 

“Be good and let me hear you,” Dew gets his lips around Rain’s stiff little dick, sucking softly at first, testing him. Dew dips down again, lapping at Rain’s pussy before bringing his mouth back to his throbbing dick. He holds it in his mouth, he can feel how heavy he is against his tongue. Rain can only mewl, a litany of please and don't stop flowing from his mouth. His brain feels like it’s melting out of his ears with the way Dew is eating him out.

Dew slips his fingers back in and tongues at the underside of his cock. He feels more slick gush out, pooling in his palm and dripping down to soak the bed underneath them. His fingers curl and feel around, searching. Dew knows he’s found it when Rain’s legs clamp around his head, spasming from the pleasure. It makes Rain see white. Everything is driving him towards the edge, but this isn't how he wants it to end.

Rain reaches down and grabs under Dew’s chin. He brings him up and meets his lips and Dew removes his hand so he can steady himself. You wont be empty for long.

Dew hums and licks into his mouth, sharing the heady taste of his slick. Rain cradles his neck pulling him down further, he can feel Dew’s thrumming pulse. He drags a hand down, pausing over Dew’s pounding heart. Mine. He doesnt now where the courage came from, but Dew quickly ducks his head by Rain’s ear and whispers it back. “Yours, raindrop. Whenever you want. Forever.” It's a promise he makes as he roll his hips into Rain’s thigh. Rain ignores it for now and decides to drag a little lower to the silver rings adorning Dew’s chest. He tugs lightly, it earns him a gasp. He keeps thumbing at the reddening nub, toying with it. Dew moves back in to get his lips on Rain’s, to drown himself in his taste. Rain's hand reaches further, moving past the band of Dew’s boxers. 

He finally gets a hand around Dew’s cock and all he can feel is Dew shaking with anticipation. He’s hot, burning even, and heavy in Rain’s hand. Rain runs his hand down the length, giving a gentle squeeze to the base. Dew isn't quiet like Rain, not ever. So Rain touching him has him groaning into Rain’s shoulder. Rain brings his hand back up to swipe over the head and he feels Dew stiffen. 

“Take them off Dew,” Dew huffs and all but throws himself off of Rain, quickly pulling off his ruined boxers and throwing them towards the edge of the bed. Dew goes back in for a kiss, and Rain gets his hand back on his cock- twisting around the head. Dew is practically leaking, remnants of his water ghoul days. Rain drags his hand back down, spreading his pre over his length. Dew is larger than he expected, Rain feels a tinge of worry that he might not fit. Everyone thinks the small ghoul would be proportional, but they couldn't be more wrong in this division. 

“I need you Dew. Please fuck me,” Who is Dew to deny his pretty little siren? He centers himself between Rain’s legs, pushing his legs open wider. His pussy on display. He ruts his cock through Rain's wet folds, making sure to drag his head over Rain’s clit. Rain shakes with Dew’s little movements. He wraps his legs around Dew's torso and Dew picks up on the cue, finally lining himself up. 

He eases the blunt head in, hoping Rain is adjusting enough. By the sounds he’s making, Dew knows everything is fine. He slowly pushes in inch by inch, but the stretch is still enough to have Rain choking on his own breath. Dew leans down, “Almost there baby, just breathe. Such a good boy for me. You’re taking me so well.” His words make Rain dig his heels in and it forces his cock in to the hilt. The stretch is sudden, and it's harder for Rain to adjust, but he can only think of how Dew is reaching into him. Perfect. They fit together perfectly, molded for each other.

Dew starts with shallow thrusts, inching in and out. He wants Rain to feel it all. His thrusts get faster, more desperate, almost pulling out entirely before carving himself back in. Rain swears he can feel him in his stomach, with each thrust knocking a quick moan out of him. Rain starts meeting his thrusts, rocking his hips perfectly. Every thrust hits his G-spot and has him seeing stars. Dew brings his hand down, swiping his thumb over Rain’s cock. His eyes drag down to where they meet, where Dew is gliding into him. Rain feels his cock twitch in him. The lewd sounds of skin against skin fill the room. 

The speechless noise is interrupted by Rain. “Can I ask for something… please?” 

Anything Rainy, anything you want. 

He reaches down for Dew’s hand, dragging it up. Both of their hands rest around his neck and he squeezes Dew’s down against the sides, right under his humming pulse. Dew realizes what he wants and is dumbfounded, he thinks he’s dreaming, but quickly indulges Rain. He squeezes a little harder, and watches as the water ghoul’s eyes roll into the back of his head. Dew feels him clamp down harder on his cock. The tight and wet grip Rain has on him has him right on the edge. Rain taps his hand and Dew loosens his grip. “So good Dew, fuck– its so good.”

His thrusts turn into grinding his cock deeper into Rain, he manages to reach further and further with each roll of his hips. Dew tightens his grip again, just to feel Rain flutter around him.

“Close Rain, please... together?” Rain gives him a quick nod before reaching down to tug at his neglected clit. Dew steadies his hand on Rain’s neck for just a little while longer, just until his thrusts become a little less coordinated. Then he squeezes harshly, “Ive got you Rain, cum for me.” The gentle words prove to be his undoing, he goes rigid against Dew, cumming as he keeps fucking into him.

Feeling the coil tighten further, Dew is sent over the edge by Rain pulsing around him. He spills deep inside Rain as his aftershocks continue to wring him dry. He sags against Rain and wraps his arms against his waist, both of them sticky with sweat. Rain feels like a live wire against Dew.

He would be content to just lay like this for forever, listening to Rain’s heart as he comes down from his own orgasm, feeling his body against his. But he knows that they need to get cleaned up- especially Rain. 

They bask in each others after glow just for awhile longer, feeling each others breath even out. Dew is the first to find his voice,

“I wish you would’ve said something sooner,”

Rain places a kiss against Dew’s hair, and squeezes him closer. “Me too wildfire, me too.” 

[slocumjoe]

What about NSFW facts? About every companion?

He's being very popular lately so I'm eager to know something about Gage.

Actually, I posted a while ago that I wanted to do more risqué stuff. I got, like, 6 different people screaming DO IT DO IT DO IT, and now I have you, and a handful of other people going 👀 where is it👀 wheres the nsfw👀 you said you would 👀

Lol. Enjoy your Gage content.

Warning; you can probably pinpoint which companion i...think about more...

Cait; Mostly a top, will power bottom however. Her partner is in danger while going down on her. Those legs are weapons. You're very brave. Will find lingerie for her partner regardless of gender. Tits are tits and she found a cute bra for yours. Give her a strap on and she'll put a baby in you through sheer will. Has a kink for, oddly enough, knight/princess shit. She likes the idea of a chivalrous knight (her) saving a beautiful, dainty princess (Sole, regardless of gender) from a dragon (deathclaw) and taking them to a marriage bed (fucking on a bench out of nerves and triumph).

Curie; Curves for days. Girl is stacked. You need a snorkel to faceplant in her tits. Finds medical roleplay deplorable, but...she likes a uniform...and there is something sexy about handcuffs...Most likely to wear lingerie behind [REDACTED]. She's great with her hands but doesn't understand that a prostate is a delicate organ and needs to be used sparingly. Forget stars, you're gonna see alien civilizations. If she learns what a titjob is, RIP. Down for anal.

Danse; Submissive, service top, pillow princess bottom. Moans like a pornstar. Extremely sensitive chest. If you boss him around as soon as you'll praise him, he's not going to last long. Really into being tied up. Most likely to cry during sex. He's touchstarved, he's lonely, and he's eager to please. Blushes at the slightest mention of sex or kink. Still nods and goes along with whatever you want. Overstimulation and edging kink. Not into roleplay, but especially can't get into roleplay that involves inappropriate workplace relationships or otherwise dubious consent. If a cop/doctor/knight ever did that, they should have been fired. That's completely unacceptable, there's no way that could be– [muffled sounds of Sole kissing him to shut him up]

Deacon; Most likely to wear lingerie. Does it as a joke until he realizes Sole is actually into it, unironically. Does some crazy things with his tongue, could tie together a whole ass fishing net. Really sensitive thighs. Fav position is anything partially standing. Not quite wall-sex, like...kind of half-over a desk, or leaning against a counter. Not into spontaneous sex, likes to plan ahead. I've said before, big on roleplay, and he needs to have a script ready. Open to all kinks except 69ing, not even for the bit. Gets nervous about the idea of both of them being in anyway gagged, or otherwise silenced. Also...he's a biter....so maybe not the safest...

Gage; Moan in his ear and you can forget walking for a week. Very...auditorially motivated. Is that a word? It is now. Has a thing for chubbier people. Raiders are lanky, walking skeletons or roided up meatloafs. There's no softness to them. So some flab, anywhere on the body? You can bet he's gonna sneak some feels whenever he can. Gage is a thigh guy. Usually pretty dominant, prefers having control, but like...if you push, he's folding. What, he's gonna argue, say no, you can't ride me into the sunset? Will never admit, but if, for whatever reason, his partner laughs during sex, he's fucking smitten. It just...does something to him.

Hancock; Give him oral and he'll melt. Eats ass/pussy like a man starved. The skin feels really weird. Knifeplay kink, blood kink, really into 'dangerous' roleplaying. Public sex is also a yes. Swears up and down he used to have an ass. He did not. Swears up and down the ghoulification made his dick bigger. It did not, was already that size. Has a thing for deep voices. Carries so many condoms on his person because he doesn't want to irradiate any partners. Has a soft spot for sitting positions. Has a hard spot for BDSM. Said it before, but way too into dirty talk. It...gets weird...

MacCready; Ultimate jack-off material is a fantasy of riding the Silver Shroud, back to chest, while the Mistress of Mystery rides him. But he did have a pretty intense crush on KL-E-O for a while...mostly because it had been a while, and she's outwardly flirty...had nothing to do with the build of Assaultatrons. Totally. Nope. Not even a little. Gravitates towards shorter women and taller men. Also has a thing for dark hair and eyes, less attracted to other blondes and other blue-eyed people. Noisy as shit, will bite his lip bloody to keep from cussing. Doggy style is his favorite position but good luck getting him to admit that.

Nick; Again, needs gloves. Dickless, his only option is hands. Lacks a tongue. At least, a...pleasurable one. Begins viewing nice gloves as a kind of lingerie, since they're more visually appealing to his rubber glove and oven mitt. Sex with Nick is a challenge. Also auditorially motivated. He doesn't have anything else. Used to like oral and—bizarrely—pet play. Used to have a sensitive belly and neck. Now, Nick has some wires that give him an interesting jolt when tugged on. Recommended only for the robotically inclined...then again, you wouldn't be here if you weren't, huh?

Piper; Is a loud and proud tit woman and isn't afraid to say it. Will snap necks getting too into face-sitting. Really enjoys having the reigns, actually. Her hips move on their own accord, you may as well sit back and let her body do as it pleases. Ultimate sexy fantasy is...something she's really embarrassed about. The idea of hooking up with a best friend who's already taken, but by a shitty partner, really appeals to her. Will never admit this, God forbid act on it. Semi-public, we-could-get-caught sex is also thrilling. Also a biter and scratcher.

Preston; Weak for shoulders and collarbone. Also, prominent veins. Had a hoe phase when he first joined the Minutemen. Everyone who would know is dead now. Isnt sure he prefers it that way. Likes his partners face-down. A lot more bossy than you'd expect. Pretty vanilla, but shower sex is such a turn on, you'd think it was some deep, dark fetish. Can keep you up for hours without losing stamina. He takes his time with his partners, really explores them and what they like. People who go to bed with always want a second encounter, then a third, a fourth, so on. Shame most of them are dead. Could probably take over Goodneighbor with one 'night on the town.'

X6-88; Throwing my Ace headcanon aside for now. A sexually interested X6-88 is a wildcard. Considers the act a test of physical capabilities. He's a courser. He loves his physical capabilities being tested. Every single time is...more than the last. He wants to get a better grade, something that is normal to want and possible to achieve. First time is standard, the 50th, God knows where you'll be. You might be fulfilling the fetish fantasy of a pre-war basement dweller whose computer X6 read through one time. The activity he most enjoyed took 6 hours of edging and every comic book Sole had collected up to that point. Fun fact; Sole can't read with something inside them. X6 finds this strange—he's had knives and bullets inside him, and he could read just fine. Maybe it's a courser thing.

He's curious, not kinky. That might be worse than kinky.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Not sure if you can help but...

I used to write fanfic a lot (not just Johnlock, but other fandoms too) and I got a particularly nasty comment on a fic months back (almost a year ago now I think) that made me delete my entire AO3 and never write anything ever again.

But I miss it so much. And every time I go to write something, the magic is just gone and I get nowhere. It's like any joy I had in writing was just sucked out by one single comment. How do I fix this?

Hey Nonny *SNUGGLE BUGGLE HUGGLE*

I'm so sorry that the "magic" feels gone, and I am so sorry that you had such a terrible experience because of one entitled asshole.

Unfortunately, I am not a professional in this regard, so please take what I say as just a grain of salt and as someone who adores and supports all creatives in this fandom... I've gotten lots of nasty comments over the years, and honestly... I take more joy that I continue on doing what I'm doing and that they're SO bloody bothered by me that I just ignored them... because really that's all you can do online. And sites like AO3 now give you the option to have your fics only be commented on by registered users only, so if you get that hate comment, just report it, block the user, and laugh at them.

I know that it's easier said than done, but to me it seems like you want to do start writing again. I've found that I just stopped caring about who my content is for, because at the end of the day, I'm doing my content for me, and it has the side effect of other people enjoying it too. I've lived long enough to just... not give a shit anymore about asshats online, because honestly they're just sad, bored people who get a sick thrill from riling people up.

BUT AGAIN, Nonny, this might be deeper than "just writing and forgetting about it" because that one comment WAS traumatic for YOU and that's VALID. I think talking to other authors might be beneficial to you to help you overcome that hurdle. FOR ME, I've found just... doing my projects with me as the primary audience does wonders. I love going back to my SUPER old stories and rereading them, because I take a lot of joy in remembering that these worlds were created by me FOR me. And looking at my old art and seeing how much I've improved often is motivation enough for me to carry on.

Actually, thinking back to my college days (OOOOOOF I'm old), we specifically had classes where the profs would rip apart our projects during critique sessions, on purpose, because in the real world, unfortunately, it is stuff you have to deal with in real life and they didn't want us to have our first experience be on-the-job. So I MIGHT be a bit more indifferent to "critiques" than most people, I'm now realizing, so AGAIN, please take what I say with a grain of salt.

That all said, you know what, Lovely? You have a lot more fans than you know, I'm sure, and they'd be thrilled to have you back <3 I REALLY REALLY wish I was better at articulating just how much I really want to see you happy, and how much of the best I hope for you. I know that my words aren't going to make everything better, but I hope they helped a bit.

If there's anyone who struggled to get over that hurdle themselves, please don't hesitate to reply or send me an anonymous message and I'll paste it here so Nonny knows that they're not alone.

And if you do, Nonny, decide to return and post up your stories, I am ALWAYS here to promote them and boost them for you <3

Please take care Nonny, and I hope you continue to write again <3 But KNOW that if you inevitably DON'T, THAT IS OKAY TOO. <3

[infin1ty-garden]

can you do a jill roberts x gn! reader? Reader and jill were childhood bestfriends but then reader moved.And now reader is back and she and jill reunite during the killings and jill is revealed and she prolly gives reader an option to join her or die? You could choose the ending.

UNTIL THE END

.ೃ࿐ summary: [ in request ] .ೃ࿐ pairing: jill roberts x gn! reader .ೃ࿐ warnings: weapons, injuries being inflicted, murder, stabbings & threats .ೃ࿐ word count: 747 .ೃ࿐ author note: sorry this request took a bit longer. some personal stuff came up. i'm working on other request but it's taking longer than expected.

masterlist. & part 2

Woodsboro barely changed since you'd last been there, at least that's what everyone tells you. To be honest you don't remember it well. Something or someone you will never forget is Jill Roberts. You used to be bestfriends. Living next door to each other. Inseparable, where one goes the other will follow.

When you moved the two of you tried to stay in touch but one thing led to another and you haven't spoken in a long time. You hoped she remembered you at the very least. Your parents picked a horrible time to move back as the ghostface murder's have started again. But there was nothing you could do about it.

You did reunite with Jill and she did in fact remember you as did her aunt. It felt as if almost nothing had changed. Jill fills you in on what you'd missed as well as introducing you to Kirby and Oliva. They seemed nice enough. Everyone was on edge since the murders started and Jill was glued to your side.

She was the one to invite you to the after party at Kirby's house. Once you arrived it seemed as if there was no one in the house. Suddenly Jill came running down stairs. "Where's everyone?"

"I don't know Sindy is on the roof chasing away the killer," Jill said, clearly panicking and assuring you somewhere safer. "The killer's here?" She didn't answer you, instead leading you to a hiding place. "I'm gonna call the cops. You stay here," the next few minutes you heard a lot of commotion but decided to stay put.

The door was ripped open by Charlie. He grabs you. Pointing the knife at your neck. "What are they doing here?" Jill was now dressed in a ghostface costume. "Are you trying to double cross me?"

"I would never do that, baby." In a blink of an eye she held the gun up. Shooting Charlie in the head. He dropped to the floor. You froze. Jill just killed somebody. She slowly moved closer to you. Cupping your cheeks and moving your head away from Charlie's body.

You only now noticed Sidney and Travis were also in the room. Sidney being the only one alive. "Look at me! You don't have to be afraid," she pulled you closer. "It's just you and me until the end. What do you say?" Sidney begged her not to do this. Not to harm anymore people.

"Until the end," you replied. Jill kissed you with ferocity, you had never experienced as if wanting to convey years of longing in one kiss. Everything after that was a blur. You ended up in the hospital. Sidney was pronounced dead. Leaving the only survivors being you, Jill and Gale.

Jill basked in the fame that came with being one of the survivors. You refused any attempt to get you in front of a camera. Every single thought in Jill's head was consumed by her new found fame or at least that's how you felt. She constantly cancelled on dates or didn't bother showing up.

You felt even more isolated. Your peers avoided you like the plague. Afraid that being in your presence would lead to them being the next victim. Even if the killers were caught. Your parents didn't know how to act around you. Resulting in them pretending as if nothing happened.

You decided to break up with Jill as she has barely shown a smidge of care since the relationship started. You thought a text was the best option since that's the only way the two of you interact. She didn't reply to your text. You went on with your day feeling a lot better. You thought Jill wouldn't care.

You thought wrong as she was holding a knife against your neck. "What did I do?"

"Why would you leave me?"

"Over text! What kind of person does that?"

"Why would YOU do that?" Tears were falling down her face. "You promised! You promised until the end," her voice got quieter by the end. Her grip on the knife loosened. You slowly took it from her. Putting it out of her reach. "You are the one who gave up on us. Not me."

"Please don't leave me. I'll change," her hands gripped your shirt. "I've heard that enough time to know that's not gonna happen."  The knife was in her hand again. "YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME! You can't leave me. I won't let you." She stabbed you.

Thanks for reading and requesting!

[twistedwonderlandfantasies]

(Repost)

Leona Kingscholar as Your Sugar Daddy 🦁🧡☀️💛💰

Fem!reader

Out of all the boys Leona is like the most careless one when it comes to money i mean Ruggie can testify, dude just flippantly throws his wallet around anywhere and DOES NOT care (can't relate me and the poor people gang r crying aka me and Ruggie) so i can just imagine with his attitude and rich background he would love to see u in that sexy rich shit. ok remember to drink water bye 😘 ✌️

Song- Qveen Herby Sugar Daddy

🧡💛🧡💛🧡💛🧡💛🧡💛🧡💛🧡

- expect random boxes of gifts at your door that Ruggie delivers (this poor guy never catches a break). Beautifully packaged with luxurious ribbons and designer gift bags. When you open it up expect to find fine jewelry (gold, diamonds, pearls, whatever) or a silk dress. Heels? Bags? You name it. The price? Don’t even ask. He wants to see you dolled up at 8, so be ready.

-Besides the gifts, if you two are out somewhere and something catches your eye, it will show up in your room later. Broke your headphones and saw a pair you liked? Boom, yours. Saw you looking at your favorite snack that was on sale, buys you like 10 bags of it.

- If you’re into teddy bears and roses, will also occasionally send those. He will take note of your favorite flowers and soft plushies and specifically send you that. Don’t forget the chocolates! He loves when you run up to him later and talk about how beautiful your bouquet is.

-just spoils you absolutely rotten at this point.

- Dinner with Leona will make you dizzy. If he wants to impress, dude will pay for the best wine at a restaurant without even looking twice at the price. And the restaurant itself has a months long waitlist to even get in, so it's PRESTIGIOUS. French wine? Italian wine? Oh you like the stuff from Spain, sure thing. And yes, the food is served by a personal chef, full course meal of foods you’ve never even seen before. He would ofc have the audacity to say if something tastes awful, meanwhile you’re trying to figure out how to even eat the plate of food in front of you that looks like a piece of ART.

- Leona enjoys the speed. He doesn’t have a nice car— he has nice cars. Newest models of whatever brand you can think of: Mercedes, Lambo’s, even a Ferrari. Loves seeing you try and drive a car that costs more than both your kidneys as your hands shake even holding the keys. “Leona…. I think my fingerprints might damage the wheel…” “don’t be ridiculous. Come on, let me see what you can do.”

- Vacations are the BEST. I’m talking Bahamas, tropics, Fiji, cruise ships and private plane rides to some island that their family literally OWNS. Need a vacation outfit? Shopping spree~ Leona will 100% be seeing everything you wear, including Bikinis or swimwear. Will also buy you the things he likes and convince you to wear them. If you especially love traveling he will frequently plan get-aways for just the two of you.

- If you like getting your hair or nails done, he will always pay for it. He loves seeing you take care of yourself. This includes massages, facials, whatever the hell you want. You always being in top condition makes him feel confident, especially the looks you might get from others where he can then grab you by the waist and let them know this fine piece of work is his.

💛🧡💛🧡💛🧡💛🧡💛🧡💛🧡💛

NSFW

- He enjoys a personal show. I'm talking about throwing bills at you for a lap dance, pole dance, he’d even pay you to play with yourself while he watches. The conditions? He has to control you. If he says do something again, you do it. You finish when he tells you. He picks the lingerie, he gets to rip it off. Leona is ruthless and dominating; his gaze alone is enough to intimidate you into following his every order without question out of fear of what might happen if you disobey. If you are, however, in a bold enough mood to talk back expect no gifts that month, and a painful disciplinary session. “Sit on me like that again… mmm yes good girl. Why aren’t you shaking your ass yet? Want to get spanked again? Tsk.”

- You lost count of how many times you’ve had to give the sucky suck (IM SORRY). I think it might be Leona’s favorite activity, watching you devour his massive cock as he pulls on your hair to force you to take more until you're gagging and tears are forming at your eyes. The way your lips kiss his length, your fingers playing with him; having you literally kneel before this man in submission awakens a primal instinct that drives him feral. Payday’s usually follow in a sore jaw and cum stained face.

- He more rarely gives gifts in person, usually in exchange for something *ahem.* If it’s a particularly valuable or expensive item he wants to see your reaction and saves it for when you two are alone in company. So the things you receive directly from him usually end with a hot and steamy thank you. “Put it on, I want to see it on you while I fuck that pretty body of yours.”

[diy-fire-water-pups]

Can yall send me encouragement. I recently relapsed in self in*ury and I’m struggling trying to stay clean again

Dude, why would someone do that?!? It makes no sense!!!

Some people feel bad to the point they think they deserve nothing but pain, or something like that... I read about it when I was studying possible cases I could maybe be called for as an EMT.

Still doesn't make any sense to me, that's so untrue!! Why would someone believe that?? I mean, not even bad people deserve anything like that. You shouldn't mistreat yourself like that, Anon!

I don't even know what to say. That caught me completely off guard. I'm not able to process this.

Well... What I can say for now is that it's not worth it. If you're already suffering due to something else, when you do that you just add even more to it, instead of making things better for yourself.

First of all, you need professional help in person, there's not much I could possibly do from over here and I'm just a first responder EMT, not an actual psychologist or psychiatrist. Second, a wrong move and you'll just create even more trouble for yourself and everyone else around you, especially the ones you care about and those who care about you, which is certainly not what you're looking for. Keep that in mind. If not for yourself, then don't do it for them.

Last, but not least, leave everything that can be harmful absolutely out of your reach. Make it all very hard to get, with as many obstacles as you can ever come up with, like it's the most cursed ancient artifact ever created, which no one should not even take a quick glance at. Just the huge trouble and long time spent to get to it should give enough time for your mind to distract with anything else and give up in the meantime. Work some laziness to your favor!

There are alternatives which won't get you in trouble and will keep you clean, if it comes down to it. Play with some ice cubes, or scribble angry or sad stuff down in a paper, then rip it and throw it away. Writing down all your thoughts and then getting rid of the paper with them is good too. It's all psychological play, and you can play this to your favor as well.

Always remember: Your body is yours, you own your thoughts, not the other way around! This is the only body you have, you can't move to a different one if it breaks down, so take good care of it!

Go for a walk around the block where you live. It doesn't need to be a fancy walk in a fancy place like in the movies, just around the block is already something! Sit under the sun for a while - don't forget a sunscreen! Feel the warmth of it. Stand in the rain for a couple minutes and then have a nice warm shower, wrap yourself in comfy blankets and go watch some cartoon that makes you happy. Forget complicated series or movies, go for the easy to understand stuff, preferably something you've already watched before, because as you already know how it ends, you won't work yourself into anxiety by wondering what's coming next. Your brain needs some down time too! Get yourself a tasty snack. Stop checking the news about the world for a while, most of them are currently tragic and you need some "you time", get it? Call a friend over to just spend time together, play a light game (avoid online games with toxic players), or go over to someone else's house. Changing the air you breathe and seeing different things is always good for getting those thoughts out of your mind too, as it'll get you distracted.

There are just lots of simple things you can do and enjoy, rather than wasting time with that. Sometimes even just sleeping through an entire day is a good start, just don't stay in bed forever, otherwise it might go up to a depressing level! Make good and necessary things easier for yourself, like leaving a water bottle somewhere next to your bed or desk, so you don't need to go all the way to the kitchen for some water. Gotta stay hydrated or your brain will start eating itself out!

Wait, that actually happens?

Sort of. The cells shrink when they're dehydrated and it causes damage to cognitive functions, memory loss, brain fog, stuff like that. You can't think clearly, nor make clear decisions at all. And no, Zuma, salt water doesn't count as keeping yourself hydrated, before you even ask. The salt absorbs the water in your body and the effects will be even worse if you don't get yourself some fresh water constantly.

No wonder Ryder always made me carry a big water bottle in my hovercraft. Anyway, I hope you'll feel better soon, Anon. I don't know if it's any help at all, but I like to remember that after every bad storm, there's always a rainbow to appreciate. And even when the storm takes a very long time to pass, you can remember that above it, there's no storm at all, it's all peace and quiet above the stormy clouds. It's like that one song... "Behind the clouds, the sun is shining! Believe me, even though you can't quite make it out! You may not see the silver lining, but there's a big blue sky waiting right behind the clouds!"

Wow, you got Zuma to sing just like that. Anyway, same here, I hope you'll get help and recover well. That's totally messed up... Please don't do that ever again, stop lying to yourself to such a point!

[scrapyardboyfriends]

I am really bemused by where this is all going with John. His scenes with Aaron show sub zero chemistry, he is literally like a plank of talking wood and then last night they have Aaron show how affected he still is by the mere mention of Roberts name. It's like the complete opposite of how any soap normally goes about trying to sell a potential new couple. I was thinking they were going down the enemy to lovers route but the total lack of any sexual tension is making me even doubt that now!.

I feel like they were trying for sexual tension when they had John sucker punch him in the stomach and then linger there threatening him. But it felt very much more in the vein of Nate's "you know you want me" refrain to Moira during their horrific affair than the robron wall slam moment. So it really didn't work for me at all.

With regard to the Robert mentions and Aaron being so affected by them...well...at least we know Danny is still capable of doing some occasional acting because it really does feel like he's phoning in the scenes with John already.

But no, honestly, I'm kind of the opposite in opinion on the Robert mentions. I think they need to mention him, they need to acknowledge what Robert meant to Aaron, what he still means to Aaron. I don't know that Aaron has ever properly dealt with those feelings. He kind of did a little at the end of his post Robert spiral story but then when the Ben stuff came up and they stupidly brought up the false hope of an early Robert release, they really had him side step his Robert feelings completely and just bury his head in the sand and push things forward with Ben so that he didn't have to think about Robert and get his hopes up. That didn't feel like him dealing with things properly.

And then Ben nicely got himself murdered and Aaron literally ran away from the village saying "things haven't felt the same since Robert went to prison" so we got a little acknowledgement but not enough because then he was gone. And the Marco thing was entirely off screen and he was literally running away from his life for that year or so, so I don't imagine he was dealing with his Robert feelings. And even so, we didn't see it.

So to me, if Aaron is truly going to move on, if the show truly wants him to move on, then yeah, they can't ignore the Robert shaped elephant in the room. Because the viewers that care about Robert won't be ignoring it. I think they have to deal with the Robert of it all head on and have Aaron actually process those feelings finally. He needs to acknowledge that he loved Robert, that he still loves Robert, that he probably always will but that for now, Robert made his choice and it was technically for Aaron's benefit and it's okay for him to try and be happy with someone else, while not avoiding his Robert feelings.

It's a weird situation because it's almost like they have to treat it like Robert died, because that's the level of loss Aaron experienced when Robert went to prison. This wasn't just like a bad break up. Robert was literally ripped away from him. And his whole plan for his future with him. That's a major loss. I feel like it's easier to acknowledge a bad break up and move on from it and it's easier to acknowledge feelings you're always going to have for a husband that died but this exists in this weird in between and I feel like they have to deal with that finally or it will always feel like they're leaving this door open because they're just ignoring it.

And even if Aaron acknowledges the need to put those feelings aside and that he needs to truly try and move on (let's forget for a second that he'd be moving on with Robert's long lost gay half brother) they're still acknowledging that he still has these strong feelings for Robert that will probably never go away completely so if Ryan were to ever grace us with his presence again, Aaron moving on now doesn't preclude him from going back to Robert immediately because we know he's always going to love him.

That's how I'd handle it anyway.

Basically, the audience isn't forgetting Robert so the show shouldn't try and ignore him either.

[quartzhearted]

pegasus moon, year xx.

[ FIRST CORRESPONDENCE W. KINGDOM OF BRODIA. ]

To my beloved,

I want to start this letter off by simply saying: I love you.

I haven't said that in a long time, apparently. I'm sorry it's taken me so much time to get around to it, but I'll admit: I've been afraid. I've learned a lot about the circumstances surrounding what happened to me and what happened to Elyos afterward; I was a fool, and it cost my life and the lives of thousands more. I feel as though I've stolen someone else's second shot at life.

But I'm here, much as I feel like I shouldn't be. I've met up with both Alcryst and Diamant; they reacted about as well as you'd expect. Which was pretty badly. But I think I've smoothed it over well enough with them. And wouldn't you believe it, I've got a job at the fancy new school they're attending. I'm an axe, sword, and authority instructor---Dragons, if you saw the amount of tests I have to grade every other week, you'd cry. I know I almost have.

When this letter reaches the mailroom, I'll be surprised if the staff don't think it's a bunch of hooey and rip the letter open to read it. If that's the case, then, well. Hi there, folks.Sorry, off-topic.

I'm sure the boys have written to you about the school, so I won't waste paper explaining things you already know. There was a ball here recently, and I got to meet up with a lot of people I'd never seen before. Let me tell you, they've got some real cases at this school; don't think I've ever laughed so hard in one night. Except maybe on our honeymoon after that new kid waiter shot the champagne cork right in my eye. Dragons, the look on his face. Poor thing.

A lot of stuff happened at that ball, and talking about all of it will probably make my hand cramp like a beast. So I'll put it in a bullet point list:

Got punched (it was consensual)

Met a kid probably Alcryst's age who was as decorated as a winter festival tree

Was given pomegranate seeds by a little girl who I think was part chipmunk(??)

Had my first drink with Alcryst

Watched the prince of Solm start a spaghetti war

Spooked Alcryst's retainer Lapis (I still feel real bad about this one but I made it up to her later)

And there's other stuff that I'm probably forgetting. My memory's never been good at keeping anything that doesn't involve hitting swords together or my family, but you know that.

After the ball ended, I decided to take up dancing. It was pretty popular with the other attendees; I think the first class I went to had so many people there were folks waiting outside the door. I know we're already classically trained, so I didn't need to go take a class, but I sort of just wanted to go meet other people. It was hard as hell, too---the instructor was no joke. I'm pretty sure I fell over at least ten times and shook the room each time.

There's a special outfit they made for the dancers around here. It's supposed to help with movement and all that. I've had a peek at it and boy, it sure is something. They said they'll make one custom for me, but since I'm bigger than their usual clients it'll take a bit longer for them to have it out for me. I think the kids will be horrified when they see their father in this thing, so I'm quite honestly doing it so I can see their faces. They need to confront their fears if they want to do well in battle; this may or may not include seeing their father wearing skimpy outfits and busting a move with a frightful amount of leg.

Dragons, I miss you so much. I miss being able to sit with you and talk about nothing for hours. I miss laying with you in bed and having those little competitions on who will fall asleep first (if the running tally's still correct, then I'm up three nights). I miss just being with you. But I can't come back to Brodia right now, and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to. I can't throw the country into whatever disaster my being alive will cause. She's in Diamant's hands now, and I intend to let it stay that way.

I'm proud of Alcryst and Diamant. They've been through so much as I'm sure you have, and yet they're here, working on themselves and meeting new people. They're such strong kids. Seeing their eyes fill with all sorts of horrible emotions when they first saw me shook me something serious. I'm such a terrible father for what I've made them do.

One day, I want to see you again. I want to feel your hand in mine. I want to kiss your cheek, and I want to hug you, and I want to hold you until eons pass, the world explodes, and we're the only two people floating around in whatever debris is left. ( aside from the kids, they'll be there too. they can float with us. ) Life doesn't feel right without you, and while I'm thankful every day to the Dragons above that you survived the hell that took Elyos, I'm about ready to curse them out for the circumstances that keep me from running back to Brodia and kissing you until my mouth goes numb.

Maybe we can meet up at a halfway point.

Enclosed in this letter are images taken with the monastery's new-fangled instant portrait-capturing device, invented by one of the alumni. I'm not sure how they managed it, but it lets you capture portraits in about three-or-so seconds, and they're as perfect as if you hired an artist to do them. Boy, that would have been nice when Alcryst and Diamant were squirts.

This may not be all the proof you'll need to believe me, but I want to try anyways. It breaks my heart knowing I'm here, you're there, and I can't do anything to change it. I just hope you're safe, at least.

I'm on patrol duty tonight, so I have to go scan the halls for misbehaving students and whatever idiots decide to raid a heavily-weaponized military academy. It's not great work, but I at least get to chat with some people I don't normally see in the daytime. Night owls and all that. This monastery really is something; I think you'd like it here.

I'll write to you again soon. I want these to become regular so that I don't fall out of contact or keep you in the dark anymore. There's a lot I need to work through and a lot I still need to understand, but I at least want you to know what happens to me when it does. As my wife, you deserve that much.

I love you, my darling. You'll hear from me again soon. Please be well.

Signed,

Morion, Professor of Axe, Sword, and Authority at the Officers Academy

[bobbyseyesmile]

Pride and Passion | 7

Chapter 7

⤝ Previous chapter | Next chapter ⤞ ➻ Pride and Passion masterlist

Negan's head hurt and all he wanted was a hot bath, maybe a glass of scotch and his bed. His day was waaay too long- and believe it or not, he did remain pretty calm throughout the day.

Rick being an asshole? No problemo. Hot Señorita shooting one of his men? Sure, why not. His hot, new wife causing more trouble in a day than the whole apocalypse in years? Absolutely fucking not. Enough was enough.

"Sit." It wasn't a request and by the look on her face she knew it too so she sat down without saying word. He kicked off his boots, stripped of his leather jacket and finally undressed himself from the sweaty white shirt he was wearing all day. A quick side glance told him that her cheeks were all flushed and she quickly looked at the wall next to her. Negan let out a low chuckle and grabbed himself a clean shirt.

He poured himself a glass of his favorite scotch and gulped it down in one go.

"Join me?" he asked. Her eyes wandered from his face to the bottle before she looked down. He could almost hear what she was thinking: Should I decline?

"Yes, please." she whispered and took the glass he handed her over.

"Aaahh..." he sighed, finally sitting down in his heavy leather sofa, eyes closed. What should he do with her? It wasn't the lack of ideas for punishment that was his problem, oh hell no, he had a lot of ideas for that kind of stuff. The problem was that he didn't want to punish her.

When he first saw her, Negan had a funny feeling in his stomach- he either had to shit or he had a crush. He still wasn't sure.

But now, with Y/N being a little hurricane in his kingdom and constantly challenging him, he needed to remain calm and strategic. He couldn't let feelings determine his next move, nor could he just forget what happened or let it slide. There had to be consequences, he just didn't know what kind of consequences.

"Negan?" Her soft voice ripped through his train of thoughts and he opened his eyes. Damn. Why did she had to be so... ravishing? "I-I just wanted to apologize..."

He observed her meticulously and it seemed to make her more nervous. Good. "Go on."

"For everything that happened today... I wanted to tell you when you returned from Alexandria but then..."

"Then you and your girlfriend decided to light up a pile of shit and call it a firework."

"Uhm..." she cleared her throat "I guess that describes it pretty well. But you have to understand that I was just worried about her! I wanted to see what the deal was, why she was here and-"

"Stop." Negan leaned forward, face in his hands now. His voice was dangerously low. "So instead of asking me like a normal and grown-up person you did what? Embarrassing the fuck out of Simon, your girlfriend broke the nose of a Savior and literally attracted the attention of all the workers. I can't have that, Y/N. I like keeping things at bay, chaos makes them uneasy, they're harder to control."

"I'm sorry." she whined and he had to hide his amusement because she sounded so damn adorable. "It's hard, okay? You're not really a nice person and..."

"And what? You're scared of me?" Although she shook her head, he knew that she lied. Of course, she was. They all were.

"No! Not scared... intimidated. Maybe a bit."

"Huh." Negan got up from his comfy place on the sofa and walked around till he stood behind her. "You know what I think? I think you're not scared of me for bashing the head of your red-haired friend but because you're attracted to me."

He didn't need an actual answer- her nervously squirming around was answer enough for Negan.

"I think you hate me so much because you actually like me. Because a funny and good-looking guy like me is so evil, and it doesn't fall in line with your imagination of me- how I should be. Am I right, sweetheart?"

She scoffed but didn't disagree with his assumption. "Yeah, that's what I thought. You're giving me a hard time and fight back because you just can't stop. You need to fucking challenge me, huh? Need to annoy the fuck outta me, testing the waters and how far you can go."

She suddenly jumped from her place and turned around to face him. "I just want to go back to my family and friends..."

"Oh honey-" he chuckled and gulped down the rest of his drink "I am your family."

He saw the tears in her eyes and he hated it- if only she knew what fantasies he had in his head to make it up to her... Negan licked his lips and put down the glass. "What about we make a deal?"

Her head shot up. "You show me that you can behave, follow rules, be a good girl and maaaybe I'll let you come along for a future run to Alexandria. How does that sound?"

She nodded, a small smile forming on her lips. "Sounds good..."

"Great! So, what about we start with something easy and you get your cute little ass out of them jeans for me?"

She instantly tried to back down but Negan grabbed her hip, holding her in place. "Don't worry, I didn't mean it in that way..." she closed her eyes when his beard scratched over her cheek. "I promised not to touch you. Unless you changed your mind...?"

"I-I don’t k-know..."

"Hmm" he murmured "No. I don't think we're ready yet, even though it's getting really hard." He smiled against her cheek before letting go of her hip and walked over to his closet, getting a fresh pair of jeans and a shirt for her. "Here."

"T-Thanks..." she took the clothes and pressed it against her chest. "Can I see Rosita?"

"No, honey, you cannot. She caused me a lot of trouble today and I have to figure out what to do with her." She just nodded in defeat. "Maybe tomorrow. Depends on how you'll behave."

"I should go now. You seem tired."

"Oh, babygirl if you only knew... Now go to the others, I don't like my wives wandering around in the hallways."

"Alright."

„Sleep well, darling. Dream of me.“ He gave her one last smirk and watched her leaving his room before undressing completely and finally hopping into the shower. After being alone with her for so long he just needed to rub one out…

Taglist: @toxic-ink @jaywinchestersalvatore @crosshajr @neganswoman @tone-stark @missmiauz (if you want to be added, pls let me know)

[sunnydreams17]

Hey so I wanted to publish some of my writtings around! I hope whoever reads it likes it. This is just for fun and I write a lot of stuff from different fan bases like " Hetalia", " Dramatical Murderer" and so on. This one is a fanfic from the show " Hannibal " so I hope you enjoy! Also forgive me for spelling and punctuation mistakes i'm still trying to get better at that ))

" art is my passion...art is my life, my work, my very being.

I turn pigs into art and this animal is now my art. She was disrespectful~ and as I ripped her flesh open and broke her bones to make her into something higher then she once was I can't help but feel still dissatisfied.

When will I get to make my final art work? When will I find myself a beautiful swan hidden among these pigs? When will I get to make this swan my final statement?

My dissatisfaction turns into disguest as I started to become rough with the pig. Making the art work more messy then anything. Yet still it was art and as I cut away her heart and held it gently in my hand I smile. At least this pig will be of good use after all. In art work she is nothing to me because she isn't my swan that I wish for but in food she will be something very useful indeed.

This is my design~ "

" Will..... Will.....WILL "

Will snaps out of his trance fast. His eyes widening a little as he takes in a deep breathe looking up at the stairs to the gruesome crime scene. A woman lays there stomach open as flowers lay in it. Roses, tulips, marigolds, and forget-me-nots. They looked as if they were growing out of the woman. The golden blood that dripped down from the woman falls onto the stairs as bones from her body litter the stairwell making it seem like the bones were trying to lead you to the main attraction. " what Jack? " Will sighs and turns away from the scene in front of him. Usually he wouldn't be effected by any of this but as of lately he felt like it was getting at him.

" what did you see? You were under for a long time that means you saw a enough" Jack, who was Wills boss stood beside the man looking up at the scene on the stairs. Jack was the head of the " Royal FBI Unit" it was a Unit ran by the king to make sure craziness didn't go around in the kingdom to much but there was other reasons for this Unit as well " what's our killer like? What type of crazy? "

" A person of art " Will finally said and turns back to the scene making sure he made room for other agents to start a proper investigation " their smart, educated, and someone that sees society differently"

" so their an educated sociopath that likes art? That narrows it down greatly Will" Jack rolled his eyes and frowns " that won't get us no where!

" their different! " Will shouted " this person knows what they want so badly...they want to find their swan! Their.... their needle in the haystack! They see society as pigs and among those pigs is a beautiful swan and they want it....they want to find it and make it there final artwork...they want their swan...

" and they clearly have not found it then " Jack mumbled as he grabs out his phone " which means there will be another killing soon until they find a swan... what do they think their swan will be like? What do they look for in a swan?

" I don't know " that's what confused Will...what did this person want in a swan? This person was educated and clearly loved art. " maybe someone that is on their level? Maybe someone that can be an equal to them"

" an equal? So they can kill their equal? That doesn't make sense Will " Jack puts his phone away " doesn't matter will talk about this more later. I expect to see you at the kings party tonight. Don't disappoint me Will" Jack turns away shouting orders to get the body taken care of and out of the stairs by dusk

Will felt a surge of annoyance go through him but he held his tongue. He knew talking back to Jack was like poking a already angry lion. Will just nods and walked away from the scene. He hated parties more then anything in the world. Parties ment he had to socialize and that was something Will never wanted to do. He rather be home with his dogs while he ate dinner and watched a fishing show. Though life was never that kind to Will because once he got home he went to get ready for this party.

The party was said to be held by the king every few years. The Kings name was Verger and he was known to be somewhat not fully in the head. Though Will never said anything about it because he knew the kings eyes and ears were everywhere. One word about him and he could be killed and Will rather liked living.

As Will stood near the mirror he looked at himself. He found the only suit he had in his closet which you could tell was a little old but it did the job. He pushed back his hair a little making sure his brown curly hair looked decent " just make it through 4 hours and then I can go home " Will mumbled and felt a rub at his leg. He looked down and smiled softly looking at his beloved dog Winston " sorry boy " he pat Winston gently " I'll be back soon just hang in there " he pulled away and grabbed his phone. He walked out of his home walking off to the castle which was deep in the city. God will already hated this but he walked down the cobble stone road and moved aside when drunks walked about or when a horse was rushing down the road.

The trip was long but when Will got to the castle gates he showed his invitation to the guards

" this is old " one of the guards said

" it's the wrong date as well" another said " you can't come in"

Will frowns and looks at the invitation confused " what do you mean? I got an invitation from the king to be here. I'm part of the " Royal FBI Unit" I have a right to be here " Will would have not fought if he wasn't surrounded by other people dressed far to fancy then he was. He felt like a sore thumb sticking out in a crowd of beautiful well dressed people. Will grumbled as he looked at the invitation and saw that he had brought the wrong one. Of course he did! He was a fool after all! He should have doubled checked! " you have my word that I was invited! If I go home now I'll be back here late and you won't be accepting guest at that time anymore! Please " he said softly and didn't want to hear Jack yelling at him like some stupid fool!

" we can't let you in unless you have the right invitation. You'll have to step out the line now sir. Or will have to force you" the guard said and moved his hand down to his sword. Will felt his heart drop a little at the movement of the guards hand. He was about to say something when he heard galloping. Will turns around just in time for a beautiful black carriage to pull up. Though the carriage when it stopped with a sudden jerk made mud splash onto Wills pants. Wills eyes widen in horror as he stood there looking at his now dirty pants. I mean the suit and pants was already so old but fucking hell that doesn't mean he wanted it to be completely ruined! " damn it! " Will backs up and crumbled the invitation in his hands. His had about enough of this night that was for sure. Will looked up at the carriage seeing the beautiful black and white horses and small statues of angels on the very top of the carriage. Whoever was in there must be some snob and will didn't feel like dealing with them. He turns away but before he could fully leave he heard the door open to the carriage and a voice with a heavy accent speak

" excuse me, I'm terriblely sorry for what happened"

Will stopped dead in his tracks and turns around looking over and seeing a well dressed man. A dark red suit with a small back flower in the suit pocket. The man's blond hair almost looking gray was neatly pushed back and his eyes were so beautiful Will had to do a double take .... i mean he hated looking at eyes so he quickly looked away " ....it's fine... I was just leaving anyway "

" no no no that won't do. You're here for the party yes? And I dirty you suit... let me help you. It would be my way of showing how sorry I am " The man smiled softly " come get inside the carriage and once we're inside the castle you can go to my personal room and look for a suit in there "

Will couldn't believe what he was hearing " suit? ... no no that won't be needed and I don't think we're the same sizes... I'll just head h-"

" I Insist " the man smiled a little more " my ex husband left all his suits in my room and you seem about his sizes so no problem there" the man looked at his pocket watch " we best be going soon or will both be late. The king does hate when people are late to his party " and with that the man sat back down inside his carriage and Will had no other choice but to go into the carriage. What confused him was why weren't the guards stopping him like before? Something was off but Will said nothing as he steps into the carriage. Inside was lavished. The seats were soft to the touch and Will felt a little bad having to be the one to sit on such beautiful things. When the door closed he gulped and smelled the soft scent of perfume. It was lovely to the nose. Now being completely alone with this strange man made Will a little nervous but he didn't show " thank you "

" no need to thank me " the man hums and crossed his legs as he looks right at Will. Will darted his eyes away.

" not a fan of eye contact are you? "

" I don't mean to be rude sir... eyes are distracting to me that's all. It's better not to look into them " that was true but also he always saw something in people's eyes that unsettled him.

" I see eye contact as something beautiful " the man taps his fingers against his knee " you know someone better "

The carriage came to a stop and the door opens " I'll see you soon. My room is to the east wing. " he looks at a servant " lead the man to my room " he turns to Will and takes his hand placing a kiss to the fingers tips " a pleasure to meet you " he whispers " I forgot to give you my name. How rude of me I'm sorry" he moves his lips away from Wills finger tips. Wills whole body shivering at the touch. Dear God this man would be the death of him " i'm Hannibal Lector" the man who is now known as Hannibal said

Will felt his mouth go dry but he moves his hand away from the gloved hands and gave a nervous smile " Will Graham " and with that he gets out the carriage fast leaving Hannibal behind as he followed the servant. Will could feel the eyes of Hannibal on him as he walked away and it gave him goosebumps. Though why did Hannibals name ring a bell in his mind? As if his heard or even seen the name before.

..........

Hannibal's room was beautiful and spacious. Who even was this man after all? To have his own room in the castle. He had to be someone important. Will stood in front of the mirror looking at his new suit. It fit like a glove completely on him. It was a dark blue suit and soft to the touch. It was made of silk " gosh.... someone like me shouldn't have something like this on...whoever was this man's husband must be missing out to leave all this behind " will grumbled and looked around the room. Not much of personal things in it expect a few books and maps. Other then that there was nothing else that caught Wills eyes.

.............

The party was in full swing as Will entered through the doors. He frowns at all the high and mighty people around him. All dressed nicely and even though Will was dressed up nicely he still felt like a sore thumb. Though Will knew better then to state that. Will looked around some more spotting the king sitting at his throne with servents and slaves attending to him. The music that was playing was gentle and soft as people slowed waltzed around him. Will made his way to the wine area and only stopped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He felt his skin crawl at the touch and he turns around to see Jack " oh its you " Will sighs and steps back a little

" you're late " Jack held his glass of wine in his hand " you're lucky the king didn't see " he added and turns away " I'm glad you're here though...that's a nice suit too Will, where did you get that?

" a... friend of mine " Will said softly and takes a glass of wine off of the table as he stood beside Jack watching everyone. It was a comfortable silence but after a good 20 mins it broke by the loud sounds of trumpets. That could only mean one damn thing.... the king was about to speak. Will mentally prepared himself as he looked over to King Verger.

King Verger had on a dark purple suit as he stood up tall smiling brightly. " welcome all! To our beautiful party! I welcome all and i say thank you all for coming to spend time with me and my fellow family members! This is grand Ole time we all are having and I just wish to say a few things before we enjoy our night! I wish to first thank my family for being here, I want to thank my beautiful subjects for being here too and now I want to thank my soldiers and fellow army men! As we all know war has stricken our kingdom for years now! Because of our dear red brothers who wish to live without us! But we won't allow them. Our red brothers and sisters need a helping hand they need to be taking care of and used to obey all orders. That's what God put them on earth for after all. They can't win against us~ no one can with our golden blood we are blessed by the gods and blessed to have powers " Verger smiled widely as he raised his glass. People all around will lifted their glass smiling back " we are the higher ones after all. But I can't forget to thank one man who makes the reds shake in fear and that is our dear Warlord.... Hannibal Lector"

Will went cold and he almost dropped his glass. He held it tightly fast to make sure it didn't fall. Hannibal Lector? .... that's why the man's name sounded so familiar...that man was the man to lead the Royal army against the reds..... that man was feared.... and Will knew it because he once lived outside the kingdoms walls. He was a red too... a red was someone that had red blood. They were seen as lower beings and the golds were seen as higher then them because they had golden blood. With golden blood came powers and almost all of the golden population had powers. This world...this kingdom and all kingdoms around were ruled by the color of your blood. Society itself was ruled by the color of your blood. That's why will was always carful because he was a red living as a gold to try to make a better life for himself. If he was found out he could be killed... this was dangerous too now that he has spoken to the warlord himself. The warlord that had millions of red bloods lives on his hands. This war was brutal and the golds were winning...

" no need to thank me your majesty" Will was snapped out of his shock and his eyes fall onto Hannibal " I'm only doing what is good for our kingdom and as you said. Our beautiful red brothers and sisters... the war soon will be over and we will all live in peace once again. I have a very old fashion mind set. I think the reds should stay under us like it's been for centuries...I also think we should take care of them " Hannibal lifted his drink up " soon the war will come to an end and after the battles are all faught we will all drink again to a peaceful world " he smiled and slowly lowered the cup as he drinks from it

Everyone else cheered and did the same drinking from the cup except Will. His hand was shaking just a little as he looked down at his glass. He was in the lions den... worse then before because why did he feel like Hannibals eyes were on him and watching him...as if he was the man's next feast

(( here is the description of the story

Will Graham works for the " Royal FBI Unit" and has always had a special mind that thinks further then a normal mind. Wills life has always been 1 dimensional but that all changes when he meets warlord Hannibal Lector. Now Will needs to be carful and in a world run by the color of your blood things start to take a change for the worse.

what will happen? and is Will going to be able to handle the man called Hannibal Lector.

I will also say that this story has modern stuff in it but it also takes place in a Victorian England type setting but I wanted to add in some of our modern day technology. ))

[strangeinvader9]

Dean made his way down the road in his Impala, barely conscious of what he was doing or where he was going. His two little brothers, Sam and Adam were locked in Lucifer’s cage with the devil and Michael having possessed them as vessels. Dean was out of his mind with pain and sorrow so drove instinctively to a former love. Not Lisa, as anyone that knew their history would assume. This was before her and a much softer goodbye, but it still hurt.

Her name was Celestial Montgomery and Dean had almost given up hunting to settle down with her. But Celestial had known how much Dean loved his brother Sam and had convinced Dean to keep hunting to keep Sam safe, as big brothers should.

Celestial POV

I sat on my couch, watching TV and somewhat bored when there was a knock on my door. I looked at it in confusion. Who would be here at this hour? It wasn't late, but I still wasn't expecting company. After a second, more desperate sounding knock, I got up and opened the door. I felt like someone had ripped the air from my lungs when I saw who it was. Dean freaking Winchester stood on my porch and looked like he'd been through emotional hell. Something bad had happened.

Without a word, I gently guided him inside and sat him on my couch. Whatever happened had Dean in shock and he was practically catatonic.

I didn't ask what happened. Ten years may have passed since I'd last seen Dean, but I knew better than to press him. He'd talk if and when he was ready. I went to the kitchen and came back with a beer, which I poked Dean's shoulder with and he took absently. I sat next to him and rubbed a hand along his back, wordlessly letting him know he was going to be okay.

Suddenly remembering what Dean did for a living, I jumped up to salt the windows and doors. I didn't need a ghost invading my home. I also grabbed the silver silverware. Wouldn't be the most effective thing, but silver is silver. It'd deter enough supernatural beings, even if it wouldn't kill them.

Heading back to the living room, I didn't get more than five feet from Dean before his arms were suddenly around my waist and his face was pressed against my stomach. I could practically *feel* the pain coming off the elder Winchester. I soothed a hand through his short brown hair and ran a hand along his back, offering what little comfort I could.

Living with Dean after that day was an adjustment. I had to bulk buy rock salt, had more crucifixes than I ever wanted, learned Latin, learned that sulfur wasn't just that weird smell immediately after striking a match and that angels were dickwads instead of the sweet innocent beings cartoons and such portrayed them as.

Dean went through his own adjustment. He seemed to always find an excuse to touch me, as if to reassure himself that I was real. And God forbid I was more than five minutes late from work. I'd end up with a face full of holy water then an armful of concerned and relieved hunter when I didn't steam.

“Dean, I got the-” I stopped as I got yet another face full of holy water. Turning my head to the right, I spit out the water. “Stuff for nachos,” I finished.

“You're late,” Dean accused.

“I told you I was going to the store after work. Check your phone.”

Dean looked at his phone while I went to put the groceries away. Before long, a pair of arms wrapped around my waist from behind as a scruffy chin settled on my shoulder. “I'm sorry, CeCe. You know I worry when you're gone,” Dean apologized.

“I know, Winchester. You're like Dory in a dog body; you forget that I'm safe and get all happy and lovey when you remember me,” I responded.

“Did you just call me a dog?”

“And a fish.”

“Should I be flattered or offended?”

“Up to you”

He grumbled something snarky, which I've dubbed a Deanism, and kissed my cheek. “I love you, you know that,” he confessed.

I looked at him in surprise. “I think that's the first time you've ever said that to me,” I pointed out.

“Is it?” He seemed to pause before that classic Dean Winchester smile spread across his face. “I should say it more often then.” He proclaimed before kissing all over my face.

“Dean! Cut it out!” I protested with a laugh.

“Not til you say it back.”

“Okay, okay! I love you too!”

“You have a cute smile, Celestial.”

“Right back at you, Dean.”

[kunaigirl]

Hello! I just came across your epilepsy awareness/information post on my dash, and I wanted to ask you something about it if that's alright. You mentioned that having seizures as a kid made you forget alot of stuff and you had to relearn how to read as a 9-10 y/o. Can I ask about that? What was it like? Did things come back to you over time or was it a square one thing? Where you ever held back a grade? I'm not trying to be nosy, I'm just honestly very curious because I've never heard of something like that. I don't have epilepsy so I don't know (but I learned lots from your post and the links you included). I've asked one of my friends who does have it and he said stuff like that can happen but we don't know anyone who has irl. If it's not ok you can ignore this message. I don't want to make you upset, I'm just super curious about what it was like to experience.

Sorry I sat on this for a few days, I've been thinking of how to respond to it. First of all, thank you for asking so politely, that gesture alone means a lot. Anyways, it's ok to ask about it, I don't mind. It's a very alienating experience that had such a heavy impact on my core development, I've always felt really alone and even embarrassed by it. Maybe talking about it can help someone else feel less alone/traumatized. (Long read ahead)

I don't remember a lot of what lead up to when the memories vanished, but I know (from what my mom's told me that my doctors told her) that it was a fucked up reaction to the combination of the dose of medication I was on and the seizures I still kept having despite being on said does. This was back in 2001-2002. I started the process of re-learning from square one in 2003 as a home schooled 3rd grader. It didn't stick and I had to start all over again a few times, and I was still in the process of relearning from 2004-2005, which is when I was 9-10 years old. Also it wasn't just reading, it was writing too.

From what I've gathered, I had a bad enough case of epilepsy where the child meds weren't working, so they had me on a low dose of an adult medication instead, Starting at age 6. There was no way I was making it out of that without complications. I don't remember if I just woke up one day without any memory of how to read, or if it was a slower process of forgetting over a period of days. It's all way too blurry. The school district didn't want to deal with such a personalized learning program for just one kid, so I was home schooled.

What I DO remember was how much time I would spend crying. I KNEW that I learned how to read already, I KNEW I went to school with all the other kids and passed all the tests/etc. I recognized the covers of books I HAD read, and even remembered what was in them, but the words themselves were completely foreign. Gone.

It was like looking at a copy of a book you already read, but it's a different language. You know what's in it, but you don't know what words or symbols you're looking at. I knew this was the language I knew, the one I was speaking. It was ripped away from me, and I felt so stupid. Being told I wasn't going back to school because of it made me feel like a freak. You never feel like more of a freak than when you're 8 years old, struggling your ASS off to read "Cat in the Hat" It hurt in ways I wouldn't wish on anyone. The word "shame" doesn't even begin to cover it. It all felt so damn heavy.

People at the library or books stores would chime in and say "Oh! You don't want that BABY book do you? What about this one instead?" And I would take what they handed me, smile until they left, and then I'd put it down and run to go cry in the public bathroom. I couldn't read what they suggested. I was so furious with myself, it always happened. When we moved out of state in 2006 (6th grade) the schools were more willing to work with me privately, so I was back in public school once again.

From that point on, I was relearning with tutors and teachers in total secret. I hid all of these struggles from my middle school friends because I was horrified how they'd react if they knew about my struggles. Middle school was already fucked up enough. The books I'd carry around that I was "reading for fun" around them were always decoys. I had medical paperwork (IEP documents) that required ALL classes to give me extra time for tests and book reports by law.

Even though my hard work DID pay off and I (obviously) learned how to read and write again, I didn't feel "comfortable" reading until probably age 14. On top of ALL THAT I also developed dyslexia, and I also already had ADHD too. So, it's STILL a struggle sometimes. It's just something I have to live with. I still to this day read really slowly, like, it takes me months to finish one book slowly, but goddamn it, I'm still fucking reading.

I'm 28 years old now, it's been a long time since then. It was a part of my life I was forced by circumstances to experience, and it took a TON of extra hard work just to get to where I am now. I want to give myself some credit for that, and I will NEVER let myself feel ashamed of this struggle ever again. If anyone out there had any experience even remotely similar to this, I see you. I see how strong you are. Keep your head up, and keep reading.