#i feel like i should say more things tbh but all thats on my mind is holyshit i can fucking play minecraft

[isjasz]

[Day 365 | Ref to Day 1]

And that's a wrap 🪻🥀

===

fhksjdkwjw ITS OVER. ITS OVERRRRR I MADE ITTTTT

Screaming and losing it. It only started to feel real as I'm posting this rn HRKSJAKSJLELH. A year... 365 pieces (probably a bit less bc I did post wips?) of desert duo... I would make a collage maybe but its prob a lot of work HJASKDHAHEHW

🫵 @vesperionnox @cherrysherin without u guys I wouldn't have been here <3 This challenge kinda became its own thing at some point, but I didn't forget where I started :D

💥💥💥 AAA I hope you guys enjoyed this challenge as much as I did!! but also WOOOOOOOOOOOOO FREEDOM. I WILL DEF STILL BE DRAWING DESERTDUO THO LOL BUT LETS FREAKING GO ONE YEARRRR

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

I cannot fucking sleep and I need someone to like. Shove a pillow over my face about it

[mgsdelta]

being poor is literally so miserable

[isekyaaa]

If you don't know me well and you've heard my opinions abt people talking shit, I probably seem like the person that enjoys talking shit about others. To which the truth of the matter is that I don't. Tbh, I feel I do something worse. When I talk about a person to someone else, I break them down from the bottom up by analyzing what makes them so irritating, but also what makes them so great, and I share that analysis with the person I'm talking to. It quickly escalates to bringing up a person's personal issues, traumas, insecurities, etc, and analyzing them under a lens.

[itsevanffs]

My bangers

if i do say so myself. anyway some older hp fics i still feel fondly about:

Cam for the Money, Stayed for the Fun Actually both parts of this series were bangers. I popped off with that thing. Deliciouse. I think that was the first fic of mine someone ever recced btw

Initiative and prerogative as well. good stuff. i love the idea of sex robot tom riddle i did not miss with that one

Like a Flower That Blooms i miss writing tomcest tbh. i should continue that series it was really good :( maybe i should include tom sr in it as well and make it into the world's most fucked orgy

Pattern I liked exploring harry as a sort of villain in tom's story, and i think i might do so again in more detail and a different setting. i like crawling into tom's mind either way

Rot i cannot express enough how much you need to read the story i remixed this from. it lives rent free in my brain and the fact that it is a remix of that fic will make rot one of my favourite hp fics ive ever written.

Something New banger alpha/alpha fic tbh. i popped right off with this one

ok thats all thanks byeeeee

[cakepoppresent]

24 Screenshots of '24 <3

Heyo,

I was tagged by @enniewritesathing and @euphiesims to share my favourite screenshots from 2024. I will try to make this nice and neat! and in no particular order (I'm going to put most of it under the cut so I don't spam up people's dashboards!)

I also tag @jayveesim @jayplaysims @weirdosalike @citylighten @matchalovertrait @pamsimmer and anyone else who wants to do it!!

Blair and Brayden Date Night. - I took them out on a date after everything with Grayson and Gideon died down. Blair was worried that it was a mistake having her kids all live in San My without their parents and Brayden was trying to calm her down

Xavier and his little crew - I love these little munchkins so much.

Brayden Visiting his son - Grayson spent Sulani alone trying to center himself and get his head on straight again. There isn't anything really special BUT I just liked how it looked. I liked that Grayson's father made sure he was doing okay. He even suggested therapy, Grayson refused but Blair and Brayden still have that therapist on speed dial just in case lol

Grayson walking home alone - I liked this shot a lot because I don't think I made it clear how Grayson has never been alone. Gideon has ALWAYS been by his side (or his siblings) so I thought it would be nice to get this shot of him being alone

Apollo - I just think Apollo is sexy af and you should all think the same thing

Bunny Sam - was playing around with Gshade and I just think she's sexy af. Y'all should think she's sexy too. Thx

Dancing Grayson - Grayson dancing to Nasty by Tinashe 😂 he just looked so cute

Miss. Luna V - my sis doesn't yearn but gets yearned for and she likes the feeling. That's a look thats giving "yeah I know you love me why wouldn't you"

Yearning Loser - Benji is so in love with Malcolm. It's embarrassing for him but he just loved being around him. That's his family

Malcolm and Veronica - Nothing really, I just thought they look good and Malcolm works out a lot autonomously so I wanted to show it off

Veronica and Brayden - Future father and daughter business duo in the making. Veronica just looks so good as a business woman. I can't see her as anything else and her dad in the background supporting like he should

Su and Grayson - What could have been! In another timeline where Gideon doesn't exist they would have had a chance. Unfortunately this is all in Su's mind. Poor baby

The Reeves!!! - the family I've been playing for over a year. They are my everything and I'm so happy I made them! They are so beautiful

Xavier's stank face - I like his stank face because it supports my head cannon that Xavier and Veronica are much more similar in personality. Xavier just knows how to hide it better 😂

Unfriendly Black hotties - Luna up until this point as always been smiling and amicable but I love seeing her mad and looking upset. She looks so good

Hopelessly Devoted To You - They are currently on a break but that doesn't stop Gideon from staring at Grayson like nothing has changed. TBH Gideon thinking about how to get Grayson pregnant

Nothing to say - It's Luna looking regal and gorgeous as always. Daiksue so lucky I'm not giving him a love rival (I fucking should)

The Villareal Twins - I just like them and I don't have enough pics of them together

Rainy Nights - this is probably my favorite animation and I love the ambience and the lighting of this screenie so much. I just love them so much

Can you tell who my favorite couple is? Lol. I dunno this was after Malcom and Luna got into a fight. Malcolm went straight home and flew right into Benji's arms. He won't admit it but he loves being in Benji's arms

Taking a break - I wanna redo this scene because I felt like I didn't actually convey what I needed to convey. But I just love how dependent they are on each other even when going through their relationship woes

Taking care of his lady - Luna tried it and Daisuke wasn't having it. He wasn't gonna leave without setting the record straight with his future wife

My Munchkins - please. They are so cute and I had so much fun playing them! Also Xavier's face is so funny here

There was a challenge for simstwt a supernatural theme. I used Sam and Apollo and played around with lighting. I really liked how it turned out

[changbinsboobs]

If you had to use one word to describe each of skz’s dorm mates dynamic living together what would it be? I feel like some of them would be super chaotic and others super chill (Felix and seungmin lol)

Used the 3rd Eye Tarot. I didn't do the one word thing cuz I'm too lazy to get my creative juices going so i just did a short reading on it:)

*For entertainment purposes only!

SKZ Dorm Pair Dynamics

Chan + I.N - Knight of Cups, 10 of Pentacles, 5 of Swords

They keep their interactions at surface level. As long as they do that their co living goes well. Since they have quite different visions on the world and just overall. They don't see eye to eye and never will - as in u will never see the world the same way your grandma will right, cuz both of u are from different generations. U still love her tho:) as long as y'all don't go into too much depth. Same goes for those two.

I think if they spend too much time together and go to deep in their interactions they'll get pretty pissed at each other pretty quickly😅

I'm also seeing some love stuff going on in there so someone might be inviting their love interest over there.

Lee Know + Han - 6 of Wands, 2 of Wands, Ace of Wands

Very active dorm.

Both of them interact a lot with each other and have plans for places they'll go visit, food they'll try, hobbies they'll do together etc.

Changbin + Hyunjin - 4 of Cups, King of Wands, Death

A funny mood overall.

But actual jokes and fun actually just happen on occasion. Not all the time.

This is a bit difficult to decipher to be honest cuz im not picking up on a consistent energy.

Thats why i think they have like phases (?) they go through. So if they have a lighthearted phase they joke and have fun together.

But then they go back to their hermit mood and each one goes into his own world and hivernate for a while and have their own small rebirth, and then when they're done with that they go out of it and have fun and interract again.

I think thats not something they really are conscious if. If you were to ask them i think they would tell you they're constantly together and having a blast. Cuz those hibernation phases they have, tho long, i think for them feel like one afternoon or something like that. So for them it feel like they're constantly having fun together cuz its like the hibernation phase doesn't count, its like sleeping😂

Felix + Seungmin - The Devil, The Tower, 7 of Pentacles

Honestly seeing those cards scared me a bit, i thought this dorm was gonna be the most lighthearted one but it seems like the heaviest most strained one.

I think each one's in their own world and they have little to no interactions. Each of them works in themselves and their own stuff.

Idk if its something between them that has happened, or one of them had a really nasty experience that they are preoccupied with.

I think one's just minding his own buisenss, not engaging whatsoever in the drama of the other.

While the other is sunken deep into his own suffering and filth and despair.

Its giving victim complex tbh.

Im seeing strong mental health issues. And toxic ways of handling himself and the situation. With every step he tales he sinks more and more into it.

And the whole tragedy thing - i don't think it really exist(?) its more like in his head than in reality. And he brought it on himself (thats why the other one doesn't seem to care that much, im getting the vibe of putting his hands in the air cuz he thinks the other one's just a hopeless case and he should learn to deal with it by himself), from lack of boundaries.

I wasn't planing on saying who it is cuz its none of my business but ya'll already know I think it's Felix so I'll clarify that based on this current energy, and the energy I've sensed from felix before i assume its him. I haven't specifically read about that/ confirmed it with the cards. And i don't intend to do it, cuz i just think we shouldn't stick our noses everywhere. I think the cards just give out enough energy/info for us, and i pick on just as much as i should. If something isn't confirmed by itself, i don't like pestering the poor guys and harassing them to tell us.

[pomefioredove]

🙂‍↕️not really coherent reply sorry

vil is one of the only characters in game that treats yuu with respect, and as an equal.

EXACTLYLY. honestly it never ever sits right with me whenever yuu BREAKS THEIR BACK trying to help others (especially because barely anyone is doing barely anything to help them. LET THIS BITCH GO HOME!!!!) for them to just? barely acknowledge it? casually brush it off? the scene in book 3 where the tweels r like wanna help out? you can switch with these guys and ace is like YES double all of my current suffering and pass it onto them /ref all of the students complaining about losing their signature spells when yuu has NO magic at all to protect themselves with.. let’s be serious please. maybe im being a little dramatic! but thats literally my favorite character you are talking about get their name out of your mouth.

vil is literally the only other character who plays a similar role in the story.

... cause chars like trey and lilia are almost there, but distinctly different in their roles, while vil is THE mother.

THIS!! !! !!! !!!!! lillia is more of the father trope and trey is more of a big brother i’d say. they aren’t nurturing in the same way vil is. maybe it’s the ‘nagging’ slash instructing aspect of how vil interacts with people. i don’t even know how to put it into words but ur right vil is so mom. like. i dont know.. it’s probably his relationship with epel (and even the other first years?) that makes me associate him with being motherly but he’s just so. nurturing. so many moms in the media that i’ve (recently) consumed were teaching their daughters to be quiet and respectful as to not get punished/essentially outcasted socially. of course that’s not really what vil is doing with epel but. ugh. read my mind!!! ull understand then trust. the ONLY other character that sorta makes me feel the same way is jamil. illove him so dearly but i know. little to nothing major about his character aside from his relationship with kalim. yuu and grim. vil and epel. jamil and kalim. they should start a we dont get paid (enough) for this bullshit club

honestly i dont even want to project myself onto yuu i wanna be a helpful roomate or somthinf. wtf 😭 my hungry aggressive ass could NOT be yuu /ref..

rhats all i can put into words rigth now . evene though i got sidetracked a lot.. !! bht th part abojt yuu being motherly ! ialso wanted to reply to. wowww thats a lot of typos sorry my eyesight is a tad blurry 😭

AHHGGGGG ANON

"double all of my current suffering and pass it onto them" LMAOOOO 😭😭😭

I am such a yuu defender idc. LEAVE THEM ALONE!!!! it's why rollo is still such a fave of mine, he's like one of the only sane people. looks at yuu and is like jesus christ are you fucking okay.

and yes literally vil is just. I think the big difference is that he actually kinda likes being in charge? more so than yuu. he's a natural leader while they were literally manipulated and blackmailed into their position (I WILL SAY THAT I do think vil feels pressured to be a leader because of how he was outcasted/made out to seem mean and scary by his peers so he just kinda Filled That Role... but also I definitely do not see him as someone who'd enjoy following rather than leading. his own character VERY MUCH parallels yuu's in so many ways)

jamil is definitely different tho. he was also forced into his position as a caretaker but he doesn't have a parental vibe to him. tbh I couldn't tell u what it is but he's got his own thing going on (and he DOES parallel yuu in a way, I wish he was closer to them because there's potential but he's really Not)

BUT YEAH I get you. I feel like this is a weird thing to say but yuu feels like their own character to me 😭 like I have my own yuusona but yuu themselves is a little guy to me

[ragazziamagix]

Rlly need to talk about Riven on s 1

one thing about season 1 which I commented earlier, is that theres a lot of things blown out of proportion or just spread in a way which I find unfair... Riven is one of the victims of this, while yes Riven has some of "antagonist" (I will never deny Riven flaws btw - but he is not just his flaws) during this season it's evident that he never meant to things escalate that badly, but I will go step by step.

at the start we met Riven as this sharp tongue boy thats rude, he say mean things to all of his team the girls etc, from here I take the info that he was abandoned by his mother (in the old website) because it is the only background we have about him so I will work with that... Personally while I was watching again this time I felt like he truly behaved as someone deeply insecure, having issue with being abandoned, but having a drive to feel accepted and admired, all those emotion imho kinda crash and if so Riven on s 1 behavior is "understandable" (which doesnt mean he is right just that makes sense), he is wrong for bad mouthing his friends, and the fairies but honestly I really believe that his mind is a mess specially because of one scene close to the season finale (I will get there later, sorry lol). On the episode of the race it is obviously that he wants to feel appreciated but the way he show those emotions only come off as negative due to his issues and the villains of the season, the trix, take notice of his negative energy and Darcy besides finding him hot uses it for their advantage until she get what they need later on, Darcy was able to manipulate Riven not just by powers but also by making him feel important + needed which was a move that worked just fine for him considering his state of mind therefore this move by the villains were exactly on the weak spot of Riven, yeah Riven should NOT give them infos about the group of the specialists and winx but at this time he felt like he was someone important, someone that could be counted on, which is also something that must be taken into consideration: Riven is also very competitive! just add this to the mix and boom chaotic behavior, they made Riven feel like he was "winning" over the others when he usually feels like he is losing, the moments where he most lash out are the moments when others shines more like Brandon or Sky having good moments and people to cheer them on, or moments where he makes a mistake.

anyway jumping for my main point, close to the end of the season Riven is trapped and the witches play mind games with him making him seeing himself as a monster, I really love this scene and its sad to think something like that wouldn't be shown again anyway he has a very nervous reaction to it, he feel horrified because DEEP DOWN he is scared to be like that he truly rejects this picture, he argues against it and claims he has a heart. Theres even communicatin w Griffin and the sane witches of cloud tower who are also trapped, this scene is so powerful to me because it shows that deep down Riven is not a monster he is someone with a lot of baggage and a difficult personality, I also really like later on when he reunites with his friends and it is pointed out he puts everything he learns on action, Riven has flaws during the most season of winx series he still has a problem with his self image what he expect of himself not always working etc, sadly he leaves on season 6 and during season 7 he is working on himself I really wanted to know what he went through during his absence tbh, because in the end of all Riven is a good person ultimately he choose to stay in the good side not because it is easy, quite contrary with his early negative emotions stay on the bad side would be "easier" even so at the end he always choose to stay in the good side because deep down he is just as good as everybody he just needs to work on his issues which I believe are better by s 8. I rlly don't remember much about that season, anyway sorry for my english idk how to make a tldr for this, I just feel like Riven is not half as bad as he is painted, I do appreciate his character if you disagree thats super fine but I hope he can be seen by he truly is, maybe in the future

You are not a monster Riven <3

I wanted to discuss a bit about Rivusa but thats another topic, I like them a lot.

[enbysiriusblack]

What Interview with the vampire characters are the marauders most like?

uhh okay so (this is gonna be long because im obsessed with iwtv.. & also btw spoilers for both the books & the show!!)

sirius- lestat (i think i said a while ago about how fanon sirius is lestat but like,, okay honestly its prob more a mix now i think on it more.. like i think i was sorta warped from louis trying to portray lestat as dumb & dramatic & stuff and like,, lestat IS very very much very dramatic but not actually dumb. at all. he's definitely the iwtv character that sirius is most like. plus @mrstellmeafuckingsecret 's thing about sirius getting with older guys??? literally lestat (with marius in the books. and akasha). also like,, EVERYONE being in love with the man??? so sirius. like no one can stop thinking bout him, even his fucking mother. oh yeah also not to mention the like childhood/home life of lestat with him being the wolfkiller & abused by his family and everything. plus also like,, idk the whole rockstar thing screams sirius & im not sure why but i mean. becoming a rockstar, pissing off & breaking like every law of your species??? it gives sirius fs) plus the whole.. abandonment issues... yeah.. )

james- daniel (okay... 1. i find it funny to think about... this is my main reasoning tbh. like. picturing james as this weird freaky human guy who's just. following around all these vampires who could kill him in an instant & he lowkey finds that hot... plus with thinking about the show,, silver fox james. asshole james. dickhead james. james getting basically kidnapped by peter (peter is under armand btw as you will see if you read on), james getting turned & then fucking going on tv with his cunty outfit & flipping off the news guy 😭😭 also going back to the books, james living on night island with peter & then he keeps just fucking running away & then going back to pete again & again...)

remus- louis (like with sirius as lestat, this is def a mix of fanon & canon sirius i feel... like. idk the way that louis portrays himself gives me very remus but with like. what we see otherwise (like lestat's retelling), its more fanon-y remus,, i don't think remus would be smashing sirius' head but fanon remus prob would. anyway, remus as this depressed lad that gets enamoured by sirius whos lowkey stalking him ?? yes 🫶🫶. then also louis always trying to run away & he never says ily?? v remus. plus never being able to get over him <33 also like.. bookworm louis & shitty photographer louis & always getting manipulated by his bfs louis?? v remus)

peter- armand (freaky arse weird rat man 🧍‍♂️.. also just like. he gets so obsessed and in love & he just wants someone to worship lowkey & thats so peter of him. but like. hes too weird & freaky for most ppl. also i think peter should do the blender thing that armand does cause its cunty & funny. peter grew up in a muggle environment to me, but i do still think he'd love technology & like random appliances. also yknow.. general betraying ppl shit & being such a weird little guy & most manipulative mf ever)

lily- i was gonna say lily just to be funny but like.. nah I'll say it properly. madeleine. (i mean in the show. ginger bisexual cunty woman who speaks her mind & can hold her own? very lily already. but also madeleine having that sorta relationship with the nazi soldier (snape...) & being harassed cause of it. & also that bit where armand asks her how she'll kill & she's just like.. survival of the fittest yknow. very lily to me. she's also like extremely witty which is a big lily quality. plus she sticks up for what she believes & doesn't take the easy way out even though it would've saved her life.

[dansevilpianotea]

what are some phancoded songs?

hiiii omg thanks for the ask!! i absolutely love talking about songs i associate with my interests!! (autism has been activated to the highest degree so this will be a long post, you have been warned)

here are some of what i think are classic dnp coded songs:

Guys by The 1975 (i see this as more about the phandom than about dnp tbh but its very very dnp coded no matter how you interpret it) That's So Us by Allie X Still into You by Paramore The Only Exception by Paramore

i have a whole ass 100 song long playlist about dnp but let me give you my favourites that aren't the usual classics:

Eighteen by Pale Waves

This city depresses me But you try to be everything I need We sat on the corner kissing each other Felt like I could finally see in colour I was 18 when I met you Poured my heart out, spilt all my truth I finally felt like I could feel for the first time When I met you

i mean????? thats 2009 dan and phil????? dip and pip??? hello!!??

also fun fact!!: this band is from manchester and this song was written by their non-binary drummer and lesbian lead singer (who lowkey gives lesbian version of dan). you should rlly listen to pale waves. idek if theyve heard of dnp but theyre true phannies to me.

Starlight by Muse

this song, man. never heard of muse until i got into dnp and then i this song was the first one is listened to.

Hold you in my arms I just wanted to hold You in my arms

i feel like it says sth about the expectations of being in a relationship while also presenting yourself on a massive public platform. wanting to be authentic and produce content^tm vs. being closeted and wanting to protect your relationship. 'I will be chasing a starlight, Until the end of my life, I don't know if it's worth it anymore'. Is worth it to constantly push the content out while feeling like a fraud for being inauthentic about your identity? 'And our hopes and expectations, Black holes and revelations'. the future may seem very dark and hopeless sometimes, it may not turn out how we expect or hope, but only once we face instead of fight it (embrace the void etc) we will forgive our past selves and see that the future really is bright. so yes, very dnp coded.

Anniversary by Autoheart

Years of nothing have subsided We have fixed each other up Giving you up? What are you on about? I'll never give up believing in us Giving you up? Now why would I do a thing like that? No I’m not giving you up, no way I will never stop when it comes to you

this song is not only dnp coded (kind of an october 19th theme song) but also has gained a new meaning since the return of dnp games <3. they didnt give up on us. they came back. and we really helped each other get here <3. think about it like that when listening and i guarantee you will be sobbing. the song also has some marriage themes bc theres wedding vows during the bridge so i will just let you live with that <33

Where the Lines Overlap by Paramore

Tracing patterns across a personal map And making pictures where the lines overlap No one is as lucky as us We're not at the end but oh, we already won Call me over And tell me how Well, you got so far Never making a single sound I'm not used to it But I can learn

we werent ready for their comeback / we're still learning to get used to it / just look at them / boiling frog theory / hard phaunch / do i need to say more

Yellow by Coldplay

this song became part of my playlist when phil didnt know a single coldplay song. unfortunately i cant take it serious anymore after dan was turned into a golden pig, then was literally glowing golden during a book event all while #pissyourself4dan was trending and every phannie on twt made their pfps yellow. i will curse your mind to with the lyrics and mental imagery: (im sorry but im also not bc this is how my autism thinks humour works)

Look at the stars Look how they shine for you And everything you do Yeah, they were all yellow ✨✨ Your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones Turn into something beautiful ✨✨✨ And you know, you know I love you so 💛

✨✨✨

(im sorry again)

Safe & Sound by Tonight Alive

Dan in BIG: "for the first time since I was a tiny child I actually felt safe."

Nothing compares to what we share I don't have a care in the world Cause even if it all came crashing down, As long as you're around, I'll be safe and sound. 🧡

ending it with a nice one because its beautiful and sappy and its so them afterall. they really won rpf.

thank you for this ask, i enjoyed answering it!! (im sorry for taking so long. im on day 11 of a cold so ive not had much energy.)

[psychabolition]

im fully willing to abandon all psychiatric labels. how do i describe my experiences (paranoid/delusional under psychiatric models) without them? should i describe my processes of thought as necessary as it comes up instead? how do i accept these as the way i am?

Idk what this entails for * you personally this is just my experience.

When I was in the psych ward they thought I was schizospec in the first 2weeks of staying there and they denied me so much agency... so if youre experience w stigmatization is similiar then what I think is most important is that you are aware that you are the person who ALWAYS knows who you are and what you need best, ALWAYS. even if youre genuinely confused who you are and whats going on then youre STILL the person who knows yourself best and what you need.

a pervasive and defining pattern of institutions is the (mis)use of language (this includes all diagnoses generally and also words like "symptom" and "illness/disorder/dysfunctional") to reframe experiences in a way which shifts blame onto the institutionalized/pathologized person and, crucially, shifts blame away from the institution or any of its actors. this neoliberalism of emotional response conveniently absolves the institution (+ often structural violences in general) of responsibility, destroys the institutionalized person's sense of trust in their own intuition, fosters dependence on the discerning, 'objective' eyes of the institution, protects + obscures abusive practices, and prevents the formation of solidarity + connection among institutionalized people.

Part of getting away from this institutional gaslighting for me was to "avoid the circular, essentialist, and socially violent logic of "well i do x because i have y condition (which was diagnosed based on clinician observations of x)" which made me think that my brain is broken in a way requiring me to submit to expert clinical management and surveillance"! I stopped thinking things like "I'm suicidal because of my depression" or "I hallucinate because of my dissociative disorder" because these descriptive labels (=my diagnoses) cant explain anything, theyre never the CAUSE of anything. This actually made me feel way less "helpless" and all my struggles suddenly made way more sense to me because I actually started to ask myself where they were coming from instead of instantly thinking its my brain/mind thats randomly being dysfunctional. So actually you dont have to accept that "this is just the way you are" - if youre in extreme mental pain then its not your fault and there is a reason and the people around can change and show solidarity and you arent helpless against the bad societal/communal circumstances that youre in rn (like being extremely isolated or not having support or being stuck in a nuclear family situation where youre still property of your parents - just as examples).So what Im saying is, dont accept that this is the way its going to be forever for you - demand societal change.

Then one main thing that I noticed for myself is that when you stop using the psych lingo that you learned via therapy (symptom, cognitive distortion, delusion, depression, anhedonia, ...) and instead "humanize" your experiences (describe how you feel and the context in which you feel this way and all this without mentioning diagnosis or symptom-words or words like healthy/unhealthy or maladaptive, ...) you automatically connect more w people since other people relate to you more and understand you more. Because the process of being given a diagnosis is in itself Othering (especially when its as stigmatizing as schizospec diagnoses are!!) since the people around you think that theyre not qualified to help you and they isolate you by saying things like "you need to go to a professional . I cant help you." But tbh I also additionally talked a lot abt anti psych and psych propaganda w my friends so they stop thinking like that (like for example so they dont look for "warning signs" and dont tell me any patronizing bs anymore or worse, call the cops on me but instead support me and try to understand where Im coming from no matter how crazy I sound to them.).

Also I started to stop using words that dont blame me for my mental distress and depoliticize what I went through in the past (=trauma - ); that make more sense to me and that arent inherently seperating my mind/body/brain from myself.

This is a good example of someone pathologizing their experiences and how the person could depathologize them by "humanizing" them.

I personally like the concept of neurodivergency. Ik that a lot of people use it to simply mean adhd and autism nowadays but it originally meant "everyone who deviates from neuronormativity ( =whats societally deemed normal to think/feel/do based on your assigned gender/age/socioeconomic status/...)". I like this concept bc you can deviate for any reason from the norm and this norm deviancy can develop out of awful experiences but also really good experiences or a newly developed political consciousness that critiques the status quo. People who are neurodivergent arent only people who fit a criteria for a DSM or ICD diagnosis anymore, theyre just anyone who differs from the norm in thinking/feeling/acting. This way "neurodivergency" also includes people who suffer more severely than others under the current societal hierarchies (=patriarchy, isolation /living conditions under capitalism, police, legal justice system, psychiatry as an institution, amatonormativity ... ).

also for me personally depathologization of my experiences literally included coming out as queer lol. My queerness was pathologized via personality disorder labels by telling me Im confused about my identity and that my disorders are actually causing this norm deviancy. Which is really dumb when you think about it because my personality is obviously "causing" my queerness lol - all I am is my personality! I basically suffered conversion therapy as sb whos asexual and agender which I thought was helpful back then bc I was suffering under heteronormativity/amatonormativity/allonormativity/ generally under the gender class system and thought that its somehow my fault bc I wasnt able to see these norms being reinforced in my social surroundings and in general society. This is why I like the concept of seeing neurodivergency as queer and queerness as neurodivergent (=its called neuroqueer lol). This post explains it - maybe this is also relevant to you without knowing it. I also didnt realize at the time that this is what they were doing to me.

also I personally started to stop seperating my experiences by my different diagnoses (aspd, dissociative disorder,depression, drug addiction) and view myself and my experiences as more whole and connected .I also dont seperate myself from other people who are labelled as mentally ill anymore (or people who dont have a label like this )- I think the most helpful thing for me would be to find language with other people who are labelled as mentally ill that transgresses diagnoses. Bc we ARE all experiencing very similiar things we just think we dont bc we call it by different psych lingo -names but i guess this new language can only develop with an actual Mad Community . Similar to how the feminist movements created words like "patriarchy, pink tax, male gaze, ...".

Also "Unmasking" similiar to how people who are labelled as on the autism spectrum might be a cool way to feel more comfortable w yourself and connect more authentically with others. (just google it theres lots on the subject, you'll be able to come up with what this would mean for yourself easily.) To me, when others around me accepted me as I am it was also easy to accept myself. I couldve never done this alone in my room just by idk "thinking more positive thoughts about myself" or whatever psychs always tell us to do.

One thing I tended to do when I first tried to get away from the psych labels was calling everything I struggle with "caused by Trauma" and tbh 1)not true and 2) this is the same framework of thinking as the biomedical model (=which says that mental health is no different from physical health) since it also makes all my struggles into an "inner mental health problem" that I need to solve alone for myself and that I personally am responsible for recovering from at fault for suffering from.

Also one last thing that just came to mind: I think a new interpretation of your experiences might include a more communal and whole perspective. For example I call myself an anarchist instead of calling myself aspd/sociopath nowadays. This gives me a new "social role" , a new perspective on relationships to others and some experiences that I called "symptoms" before are not only not reframed but not included in this new identity of mine. Another example is a woman I visited a while ago and everyone called her "the seeing woman" ,shes someone that people go to because she has a very unique perspective on things . I was told she can see the future but idk about that haha .But shes definitely also "neurodivergent" ,if you want to call her that .

This is literally everything that just came to my mind! its everything Ive personally done to reject the pathologization from psychology. What i think is that we can only achieve liberation with another and through each other and that if we're able to imagine it together then a new world and a future where we all have a place in is definitely possible .

[adanaac]

ok sick i love being enabled

now to preface maybe i should say im not particularly interested in the fucking aspect of selfcest, it just doesnt do much for me beyond what selfcest as a premise is already doing for me, and what im far more into is like choking or stabbing each other to death (like in mozaik role) or if one of them is already a corpse

i went at it in sort of a center out approach bc the question that prompted this was "does jerking off count as selfcest" which is obviously no bc there has to be at least 2 bodies i think

1 step removed from "you", that dark grey circle, is sort of the platonic ideal of "another you". this 2nd you is EXACTLY EXACTLY identical to you. im inclined to think that even though this Could be considered "selfcest" in the technical definition of the word, it doesnt have the Spirit of selfcest, or what makes selfcest appealing most of the time.

mind you, by exactly identical i MEAN exactly identical. its like fucking a mirror. this is mostly a hypothetical, because i dont think ive actually ever seen selfcest done this way? theres always at least Some minor difference. personally, if this ever actually happened, i feel like it would be almost robotic, just going through the motions, knowing exactly what the other person is doing and would do and wants

the charm of selfcest, like most things, lies in the imperfection and differences, i think. although my philosophy friend has different opinions

and tbh now that ive had more time to think on it, do you even know what "exactly you" is? is it possible to know the entirety of "who you are"? i wouldnt say i know even 60% of who i am. would you recognise you if you passed you on the street? (although i guess if you did "pass you" on the street, then that other you wasnt "exactly you" anyway) or maybe, would another you who is "exactly you" be completely unrecognizable to you yourself? in the way 100% pure food compounds taste sterile? this is sort of why the concept of "exactly you" is just a hypothetical thought experiment to me, it just serves to emphasize what selfcest is about.

anyway my friend invented noncon selfcest in a effort to figure out what situation "exactly you" would happen in

the green zone is sort of your standard selfcest, most selfcest falls here. i dont feel like i have to elaborate too much since im not trying to classify the taxonomy of the different sources of selfcest (i.e. cloning, mimics, time travel, splitting a person, just plain alternate universe, etc etc) and thats not the point of this, since all types of selfcest are just a means to an end (selfcest), and selfcest is also just a means to an end (character study)

the yellow zone is a bit hard to put into words but its like, not exactly "2 of the same person", but it still has the spirit of selfcest. most mimics would fall here. seimei and haruaki are actually in this category i think because theyre different enough people. you could say haruaki is seimei, but idk if you can say seimei is haruaki.

now white haru and normal haru. thats SOLIDLY in the green zone thats THE MOST classic definition of selfcest (a la hetalia 2P). thank u tanaka mai for the fanservice.

(actually now that im googling hetalia 2p there isnt even that much color palette inverting. where did that come from if not hetalia. i know i have ocs from 10+ years ago that was 2 of the same guy but color inverted and i knew other ppl who had ocs like that or was doing that to minecraft youtubers. hell i still have ocs like that)

BONUS ROUND the so-called selfcest pipeline. i dont fully buy it bc i think selfcest is super easy to get into but also we dont have the sample size. if u read until here ur the sample size now. how did u get into selfcest

BONUS BONUS ROUND the whatever this is

BONUS BONUS BONUS ROUND the response for the person who originally raised the "is jerking off selfcest" question

[aemondtargaryen]

HELLO i haven't finished yet the netflix show but what are your thoughts on young Úrsula? I read the book a couple of times but it was looong ago. I remember Úrsula as someone resigned to the inevitable. I certainly don't remember her so deeply in love with José Arcadio, and even less willing to have sex. I don't remember her as a sexual creature at all, despite the book having no problems getting into that.

I didnt like her that much the first part but i think her characterization improved a ton when she got older and switched actresses.

Also do you think they managed to achieve that magical realism feeling? Personally I don't think so and that makes me a little sad but despite all it was definetly a good show. Maybe the bar was too high probably.

I loved Aureliano though! Adult Aureliano was very Aurelianesque 10/10. Amaranta and Rebeca were excellent too!!

Im finally on my laptop yay!! Also when I got this ask I hadn't yet finished the show so now I can give a better answer (you probably also finished it too anon because I took years to answer lmao)

I actually liked young Ursula. She felt like I always imagined her, more than resigned, resilient. She always found a way to make things go her way, even when her husband wasn't present, she always pushed through (which is a pretty common situation in latin american households, women many times carry the burden of the house but in a tacit manner and thats how I think Ursula was portrayed). About the sex thing tbh I never got that reading from her. There's definitely some characters whose stories revolve more around sex but thats not what her story is about. However I feel she loved her husband all through her life and it shows in differents manners than just steamy sex scenes like Rebeca's.

On the magical realism I think you're right, some scenes could be perceived as being only inside the character's head for non book readers, when the purpose of magical realism is that they really are experiment those crazy phenomenons in their reality. I think they shied away a bit from it but many of the more iconic "magical" moments are still yet to come so there's hope.

Now my real pet peeve was the delivery of some of the lines. I think theres a lot of the dialogue that should have been said with more force, specially young Jose Arcadio and Ursula. They felt so calmed when I always imagined them if not yelling at least angry. Latinos are usually louder, or at least we venezuelans are. Maybe colombians aren't but I would like to think we aren't that different, so the flatness of the dialogues felt off sometimes. This too goes for the narrator.

Aureliano!! Aureliano IS 100 años de soledad so there was a lot of pressure both on the writers and the actor. Physically I think he's perfect. Also hot enough to pull that moustache lmao. Again I had some problems with the delivery of some lines at first where he just seemed too passive, but as soon as he became the Colonel everything changed (and maybe that was the idea now that I think about it). Although I gotta say the last couple of episodes made me realize that he kinda became a terrorist in the end and I hadnt caught up that in my readings (which were a lot, ive read that book like 5 or 6 times) and in my mind he always fought for justice but now seeing it again I can see he was just as corrupted by violence and power as Arcadio in the end. It did besmirch my perception of him a little, because it reminded me of whats going on currently in Colombia and the armed conflict and how he would fit right in with people from groups like the FARC. Sidenote: I think his relationship to Remedios was done masterfully, we know she's a child but the scenes were carried in a way no child actress had to be intimate with the actor.

Amaranta was great, I love how they managed to show Amaranta's two sides, the conniving vengative damaged soul, along with her maternal, calm, also damage soul lmao. Rebeca I think is the only casting that looked completely different to how I imagined her physically, but the actress did a good job portraying her.

All in all I think it was a really good adaptation, particularly for such a loved book and one with really high expectations. I think it was done in the best of moments because it was done with a high budget but with colombian actors and setting (looking at you Casa de los espiritus). Theres some things that could be improved but most of them are personal preferences. Its a really good show and I can't wait for season 2!

[nightcolorz]

I must confess something, I do not understand white Vox lol is it just his VA? He may be just a TV with a body but his eyes seem to be drawn as east asian and thats his most prominent human feature. Majority of the time I see people draw him as a human they actually erase his real eye shape to (I assume) make him look more white. There's no real canon so people can hc whatever but I am so intrigued by how people are interpreting him white. I promise there are nasty tech/media ceos that overwork their employees all over the world... maybe im reading too much into it because the show is otherwise verrrry western-centric. Just curious how you view it, you're definitely in the majority and i realize people like me are the outliers but just saw your post and had to ask (if you didnt mind sharing).

Anon is referring to this post btw for context: https://www.tumblr.com/nightcolorz/746235899544813568/my-hot-take-is-that-i-think-that-a-vox-human?source=share

Anon ur hella polite and ik u got good intentions so I was stressing a little over how to respond without invalidating ur headcanon cuz like, I never want to be the guy saying “this character is white and u can’t headcanon them as a racial minority” cuz that’s pretty shitty no matter what. We definitely have different takes but when I’m explaining my interpretation I don’t wanna sound like I’m trying to boss ppl around and say there’s only one way u can see these characters. This is just my personal interpretation and I was being funny in my og post implying that my interpretation is the “correct” way. But since u asked I’ll explain my reasoning why I (and prob other ppl) see Vox as extremely white lol.

I don’t take Vox’s physical appearance into account at all when thinking about his ethnicity cuz in a show were everyone is pretty racially ambiguous design wise Vox is one of the most ambiguously humanoid characters, like my guy literally has a tv for a head with eyes and a mouth, and that’s it. I don’t see ur point about his eyes at all tbh, to me Vox’s vaguely slanted eyes have always come off more like a devious squint than an ethnic feature. Even still I don’t read slanted eyes as Asian automatically so it never occurred to me.

I don’t read as Vox as white bcus of his VA being white or him being a tech bro billionaire (but ig they play a part). I read Vox as white mostly bcus I see his background as a former religious extremist/cult leader from the 50s with a skill in life and in death for male manipulating ppl and using them for his own gain as very white and western. (I got this info from his official reference sheet for auditioning va’s, here that is)

His capitalistic ideals and business practices r meant to mirror (extremely white) billionaires like Musk and Bezos, which adds to my perception of him. Of course being a billionaire tech guy is not a western white man exclusive thing, but I feel that if we were meant to perceive Vox as someone not from America that would definitely be coded or in some way communicated. And I say this with as little ill will as possible, but for me I wouldn’t want to perceive Vox as an East Asian tech bro billionaire specifically bcus there r negative stereotypes and connotations attached there. East Asian men have a history of being negatively stereotyped as corrupt tech business owners. I don’t think u are trying to imply those stereotypes with ur head canon (frankly it’s hard to avoid negative stereotypes in fiction a lot of the time bcus stereotypes encompass such a vast range of things that its hard to take them all into account). But regardless, it’s smth we should try to be conscious of.

Anyways, I also usually take these character’s personalities and values, self image, etc into account when im thinking about race, bcus race is more then color, and especially for characters with lives and personalities based in much less tolerant time periods, it’s significant to consider how race would play a role in forming the way they navigate the world. Based on how Vox behaves I can’t see him as being racially marginalized. I’m gonna compare Vox to alastor a little cuz alastor is canonically creole and I think he serves as a good reference for someone I perceive as not white in comparison to Vox and how I think he differs and contradicts the experiences of a racial minority.

Vox to me comes off as someone who thinks he is entitled to power, respect, privilege, etc, which is a very standard type of attitude for a white man who was alive in the 1950s to have. He’s very emotionally immature and volatile, doesn’t seem to concern much over his public image beyond petty dick measuring contests with alastor (he regularly publicly has angry tantrums and doesn’t break a sweat over how this will affect his status). He obviously cares about it (scolding Valentino for embarrassing him and such) but he doesn’t seem to worry about loss of reputation in any sort of real way. I get the impression that Vox has always had at least a standard amount of social standing and privilege and can’t see a life for himself without the fundamental privilege he feels owed there to support him. He’s basically a man baby, a man baby who still manages to garner power and respect effortlessly (it comes naturally to him) while remaining whiny and insecure. Very white man of him! White man behavior!

in comparison, Alastor, (who I do not read as white) is always frantically clinging to his composed self image and his power as if it will slip away from him if he loosens his grasp at all. He has an extremely firm grip on his composure to the point where he never allows anyone to see him slip at all, let alone frown (despite his mental health and emotional well being being equally fragile as Vox’s). Alastor understands deeply how little the world owes him and how difficult and unreliable his acquiring of status actually is. He is borderline neurotic about retaining his power and staying on top. Despite the smile, Alastor is always defensive and fearful, picking fights with anyone he thinks might be a threat like a small dog or a prey animal would. Meanwhile, Vox conducts himself like a man with nothing to loose. I feel like Vox grew up with money and doesn’t know poverty or a lack of privilege in any intimate way that would drive him to guard it in anyway beyond flippant. To Vox power, status, and privilege are inherent. Same can’t be said for alastor.

tldr in conclusion Vox’s brand of bad feels very specific to a white man, alongside his emotional immaturity and his attitude, mindset, and behavior. This is why I see him as white asf, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong or it’s in anyway less correct to headcanon him as a different race. That’s just how I see him. Thank u for sending the ask anon it was pretty interesting to write! Have a good day! (btw i love Vox he’s one of my fav character lol me calling him a white as shit privileged entitled man baby douchebag is out of love and all I find interesting and fun about him)

[mass-convergence]

On Criminal Minds and Stuff

Okay this started out as a thing about what I thought about how the more recent seasons (post Mr. Scratch but pre-Evolution) handled JJ and Emily’s friendship/dynamic … and then it spiraled out of control into a whole analysis on the most recent seasons in general. So excuse the disorganized thoughts here - coming off of a night shift and also I’m typing this on my phone. It is what it is.

I would like to see more of the dynamic between JJ and Emily as close friends, I feel like that’s been somewhat lacking in the most recent seasons pre-Evolution. JJ freaking got shot (and died for a second … honestly surprised she wasn’t laid up for longer but that’s TV for you) and given how close those two were in previous seasons - you would think there would be more screen time to Emily’s reaction to JJ getting shot. JJ helped arrange Emily’s fake death and Emily literally flew her ass back to Quantico from London when JJ got kidnapped. I know Emily is the queen of compartmentalization but … idk … I feel like we should have gotten something other than a brief scene where Emily shows up at the hospital to ask JJ if she could confirm if Grace was the one who shot her. Doesn’t even show the interaction either - Emily just shows up and says she’s going to talk to JJ and that’s it. I remember when Garcia got shot and everyone on the team was in that waiting room even though her shooter was on the loose. (Guess thats what fanfic’s for 🤷🏻)

Also on the vein of JJ getting shot - and this is me being somewhat nitpicky about how this was written but:

How the fuck did no one notice JJ was missing … or not hear the gun going off in that parking garage? I feel like that was written solely so Reid could notice and go find her and I found that entire progression of events very clunky. How JJ got shot was a little dumb too. JJ is a veteran FBI agent at this point; she probably wouldn’t have bent over to pick up the gun, which necessitated her taking her attention away from the two unsecured suspects who already proved themselves to be pretty dangerous. I feel like she’d have called for someone and kept her gun trained on the two. It wasn’t like she was in the middle of nowhere. It was just … kind of stupidly written? I read that she got shot in this episode before I watched it - and I had envisioned some kind of active shoot out situation where a bunch more people were involved and JJ got hit by a lucky (or I suppose unlucky) shot. Not JJ standing alone in a parking garage with zero backup and making the dumbest choice imaginable that just doesn’t seem to fit with her character at all. She’s a trained FBI agent - that’s not a mistake she would have made. Like what the fuck that was kind of stupid I’m sorry.

Also - I’m not saying that the show should write JJ and Emily getting together. As much as I do ship them romantically and love reading fic about them together … I also do like the concept of those two just having a strong platonic bond because as an ace person: I need more representations of that shit in media okay? Not everyone needs to be jumping each other’s bones.

Tbh the lack of intrateam romances was what drew me to this show in the first place. This team’s seen the worst that humanity has to offer and they have each other’s backs like a family and I love that. I love those small moments where they’re just hanging out as a team at the bar or watching their boss run in a race (while a bunch of them are hungover from Girl’s Night). It’s not an MCU Avengers situation where they feel like they’re all coworkers who vaguely hate each other. The BAU team’s a tight knit group and they love and support each other (which is what bothered me with how JJ getting shot was written - we had an entire episode dedicated to Garcia getting shot and the team’s response to that. You’re telling me Reid was the only guy who was in that waiting room - I get the Chameleon was at large and stuff but seriously no one else on the BAU team other than Reid was in that waiting room at least for a little bit).

I just feel like some of that team as a family dynamic has been pushed to the side in favor of writing about vaguely omnipotent serial killer #47282727 who has developed some kind of obsession or grudge with the BAU. Yes the multi episode super smart and competent serial killers were great to see but I don’t need that rehashed every season. Sometimes a terrifying dude whose case takes up back to back episodes before he (or she) is caught in the season opener would be fine. And that unsub’s only issue with the BAU is that they’re trying to stop him. At a certain point it’s like Marvel movies trying to treat a world ending threat like a serious thing when that’s been the plot of the past ten movies. Not everything needs to be a grand plotline. Sometimes the stakes can be small but feel just as important as a world ending threat.

Like Cyrus? Terrifying cult leader. Great. We didn’t need to have his cult re-emerge again (and somehow escape detection for all these years).

… I also have my thoughts on how Emily as Unit Chief has been written in the episodes I’ve seen (again haven’t watched Evolution yet but I’m very much looking forward to the episode where she gets high). I think that’s why I liked “Saturday” because we kind of got that glimpse of her personality that I loved in the earlier seasons. Maybe because she was out of her role as unit chief so she didn’t have to have that somewhat aloof air of professionalism and ultra-competency. She could just be Emily and eat eight (sorry, seven) donuts and drink wine … and also get sued by her former neighbor and not make the greatest decision in how to handle it.

I love this show, it got me through high school and it was one of the driving factors to me getting a job with the federal government as a civil servant who’s job is to protect the public. Not that I do anything as badass as the BAU, I sit at a desk and according to some people: I get paid to be wrong all the time. Like my current career path isn’t 100% because of Criminal Minds but I can’t deny that the whole concept of being part of a group that helps protect people didn’t nudge me in that direction. Basically - this show meant a lot and still means a lot to me even if I lost touch with it for a few years. I never get tired of going back to the old seasons and rewatching my favorite episodes.

This show just clicked for me. I always aspired to be like Emily, mainly for a stupid “we shared the same first name at some point before I realized some stuff about my gender identity” reason but she also resonated with me as someone who felt like she didn’t quite belong when she first joined the BAU and tried super hard to prove herself. Like that describes my entire state of being from elementary school until now (I’ve only just started really believing my coworkers when they tell me I’m doing a good job and I’m a valuable asset to the office). I looked up to her and I still do.

I wish I had a friend like JJ. Probably wouldn’t need her assistance in faking my own death unless something goes truly off the rails in my life. But I dunno, she just so kind and warm and caring and also a total badass (though, again - I don’t know if I’ve seen too much of that side of her in the more recent seasons and it’s kind of sad). I’m not saying I don’t have friends irl like that but idk, I just wish I had a friend like her.

I looked up to Reid as someone who’s had many of his socially awkward tendencies, but he was always not afraid to be himself and I found that amazing. As someone who’s felt like they’ve had to mask their neurodivergence - sometimes I’m like “but I could be like Reid and just … be myself”.

I could go on about Hotch, Rossi, Garcia, and Morgan - even Alex Blake who I feel like people didn’t really like at first (not sure about her current standing in the fandom … I think people have warmed to her - I just happened to be in that era where god forbid a woman show up and “replace” the fandom favorite or get in the way of a ship that was never going to canonically sail).

This post/essay/ramble has gone on for long enough though … even though I have plenty more thoughts. I like how this show actually pulled me out of this weird depressive funk I’ve been in for the past half year and I actually care about things again. I’m sure there were other factors involved with that but watching a childhood favorite was certainly a contributing factor. I’m going to go do some Christmas-y shit that involves stuffing my face with whatever’s in my fridge and pass out now.