#i feel like i did an awful job on this but ive been trying to make myself post art so that my

[jeremy-lemon]

realized ive never drawn kabru before, needed to fix that asap

[carmenlire]

this has been a difficult, awful week only for it to end friday at 3pm with an invitation to interview for a management position next week.

[reiding-writing]

HI LOVE UR WORK ESPECIALLY COLD READER IVE BEEN BINGING THEM AND I NEED MOREE

Soo speaking of i think prompt 15 could be a really cute cold reader prompt for something and I WOULD LOVE IT

HOMETOWN [CLIMACTERIC]

/ˌhəʊmˈtaʊn/

15. “I can’t believe you remembered.”

WARNINGS: fem!reader, mentions of spencer’s bullying, made up childhood bully (sorry spence <3), swearing as per, typical cold!reader antics

spencer reid x cold!reader || fluff?? || 3.0k || event masterlist!!

main masterlist!! ⋆｡°✩ cold!reader masterlist!!

a/n: great minds think alike huh? the fact that both these requests specified for it to be cold!reader as well is insane to me 😭😭

There’s that saying that the worst people in school always end up going into jobs that provide for others; The idea that petty school bullies take up careers in hospitality or community service despite all of their obvious social flaws.

Honestly, Spencer always found the idea ridiculous. They had just as much of a chance as going into a hospitality job as they did a 9-5 office job.

Their attitude didn’t have any causational impact on their future career whatsoever, people just focused on the people that did end up in those fields and then generalised it to the larger population with no reasonable backing.

But he’d be lying if that wasn’t the first thing that ran through his head when he walked into station 14 of the LVMPD and ran right into somebody from his middle school.

Somebody who fit that god awful false idea to a T.

“We’ll get you set up asap, Robinson, DeGaris, show the agents to 22B will you?”

Spencer knew the second he turned around. Some people’s faces never really mature through puberty. The bone structure doesn’t change and they just end up looking like a taller version of their child self.

“Would you look at that? Looks like we’ve made it to the big leagues,” Officer DeGaris nudges his partner with a raise of his eyebrows, and Robinson shakes his head with a short laugh in response.

“More like we’re doing such a bad job they had to call in the big leagues,” Robinson pushes DeGaris’ head away with the palm of his hand before clasping his fists together at his waist. “Welcome to Las Vegas, land of casinos, neon signs, and… serial killers apparently— Uh I’m Caleb, this is Will, chances are you’ll see a lot of us over the next however long you’re here,”

“Pleasure,” Hotch holds out his hand to shake the two officers’, who promptly move to shake hands with the rest of the team afterwards.

By the time the two reach you and Spencer stood at the back of the group he feels like he might throw up his heart from how fast it was beating, and he swerves the shakes with all the awkwardness of his usual evasions as he excuses himself to walk ahead of the team.

It was stupid really. It had been almost two decades since what had happened, yet even just being in his proximity was making Spencer sweat like he was a final girl in a horror movie.

“Excuse us,” Your words hold no social grace as you slide past the two officers to follow after Spencer. He wasn’t the best with meeting new people, but he never left the conversation before it could even start. “Reid-”

Although mildly confused, the two officers don’t seem all that disheartened as the two of you disappear into the meeting room, their attention turning back to the rest of your team.

“Well,” Caleb claps his hands together with a politely awkward smile. “We’ll let you guys get settled in, if you need anything at all come and find one of us and we’ll do our best to get it for you,” He gestures between himself and Will stood next to him, gazing half-blankly into the open shutters of the window into the room with furrowed eyebrows at yourself and Spencer like he’s trying to put puzzle pieces together in his mind.

“Thank you officer, we will,” Hotch gives the two a small nod before gesturing the team into the room and leaving the two policemen outside.

—

At least the station had a coffee machine. Spencer’s one saving grace in the fact that he was not only working on a case in his own home city but also in the same town he grew up in, a town with some very familiar faces.

The scent of the caffeinated beverage was enough to bring him back to his right mind a little as it hit the ceramic mug with a burst of steam, and Spencer watched the liquid flow aimlessly as he waited for his drink to be made.

Coffee solved all his problems.

“Hey,”

Most of the time.

With a slow breath and his eyes shut to compose himself, Spencer turned around slowly to greet the voice, hit lips pressed into a straight line as his eyes opened once more, greeted with an all too familiar sight.

“I thought I recognised you Spencer, or sorry, it’s Agent Reid now right?” Will raised an eyebrow slightly, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

There was no real malice behind his tone, no sarcasm or taunting, no twitch in his facial expression that could make Spencer think he was trying to get under his skin. But he did. And it made Spencer feel like a 9 year old all over again.

“It’s uh, Doctor Reid actually,”

Will gives a short laugh and a nod, like Spencer’s title was something he’d expected. “Right, right, of course, so you’re not an FBI Agent then?”

“I am,” Spencer answers shortly, hands wringing together behind his back as he leans against the kitchenette counter. “But the title of Doctor outranks the title of Agent,”

He could see that familiar glint in Will’s eye as he explained the reasoning behind his official title, like he was looking at some puny know-it-all rather than a person of his own age.

“Very impressive,” Will gives him a slow, almost animated nod, and Spencer has never been more grateful for the shrill beeping of an automated coffee machine as he tears his eyes from Will to pick up his mug, cradling it between his to hands.

“Well, it was uh, good— to see you again Billy I’m glad you got where you wanted to go in life—“

“I don’t go by that name anymore,” Will crossed his arms over his chest with a shake of his head, his expression cordial despite the way his fists clenched like the mae had caused physical discomfort to him. “I go by Will now.”

“Right, Will, I should get back to my team now,”

“I’m sure they can wait a few minutes, we should catch up, for old time’s sake,”

—

“Where is Reid?” You exhale exasperatedly, biting your tongue to keep yourself in check as you turn towards Morgan and Emily with a show of your hands.

“Maybe the coffee machine was broken,” Emily shrugs nonchalantly as she sorts through the scene photos, occasionally passing one over the table towards you to hang up on the board.

“As if I needed any more reasons to hate those pieces of shit,” You groan exaggeratedly, dragging your hand down your face.

“Calm down lover, being away from the pretty boy for an extra few minutes won’t kill you,” Morgan rolls his eyes at your attitude with a short laugh, tapping his fingers against the table.

“Oh shut your mouth,” You scoff as you walk down the length of the table, pushing the heel of your hand against Morgan’s temple as you pass him as an extra form of chastisation which he promptly laughs at you for as you leave the room in search of Spencer.

“Oh to be young and in love,” Morgan laughs to himself as he clasps his hands together, leaning his head backwards over the chair to look at Emily with a knowing look.

“$50 on less than a year,” Emily doesn’t even look up at her proposition, and Morgan laughs with a shake of his head.

“Oh no no, they’re playing the long game, it’ll be at least another two,”

“Deal,” Emily holds her right hand out in Morgan’s direction, and he grasps it in his own with a firm shake.

“Deal.”

—

Spencer is still standing by the coffee machine, a steaming mug in his hands. It does not take eight minutes to make a single cup of coffee.

Well it wouldn’t if he wasn’t stood talking to one of the local police officers.

More like the officer was talking at him.

And if the way he was fiddling with the cuff of his sleeve was any indication, he was not enjoying the conversation.

If it weren’t for the harsh fluorescent lighting, the furrow of his eyebrows would be imperceptible from where you were standing, but the way he rolls his ankles and shifts his weight onto the balls of his feet would be noticeable from a mile away even in pitch black darkness.

Time to go and save Spencer Reid from his own social ineptitude. Again.

He doesn’t acknowledge you as you approach despite you clearly being in his eye line, his sole focus on the man in front of him even as you near close enough to be able to hear their conversation.

“…were quite the character weren’t you Pick?”

Spencer purses his lips together uncomfortably at the nickname, and you take the break in the conversation as an invitation to get between the two.

You clear your throat with crossed arms, eyes flickering between the two of them as they turn their attention away from each other and towards you instead.

“You’re needed back in the meeting room,”

Spencer nods at you a little too eagerly, clearly ready to rid himself of his new companion. “Right, good bye Bil- Will, sorry,” He doesn’t make eye contact with the officer as he all but power walks past you to head towards the meeting room, and your eyebrows furrow ever so slightly as your glance wanders from Spencer to the almost smug expression on the officer’s face.

“Is something funny?” Your question is enough to bring Will’s eyes away from watching Spencer scurry off with his tail between his legs and towards you with horribly feigned innocence.

The look in your eyes is less than savoury, and it’s enough that small glimpse of condescension simmers in his irises to break through his pleasant facade.

You don’t stick around to have to speak to him any further, and with a final look over you leave him by the coffee machine to rejoin the team in the meeting room.

—

“You can’t avoid him forever you know,”

Your voice stirs Spencer out of his focus, and he straightens himself up in his chair as he looks at you, an eyebrow raised in confusion.

You hadn’t really said anything since you re-entered the meeting room, not even bothering to defend yourself against Morgan’s musings about how much you were complaining about Spencer not being present to help you with the profiles, yet less than a minute after Morgan and Emily left, your conversational battery had suddenly returned.

“I— What do you mean?”

“Officer DeGaris,”

Spencer looks at you like you’ve read his diary without his permission.

He forgets just how observant you are sometimes, how easy it seems to be for you to distinguish between Spencer’s general dislike for small talk and meeting new people and when his discomfort is specifically aimed.

You look through the meeting room’s glass window with roaming eyes, Spencer presumes it’s to find the Officer in question. “He acts like a glorified man-child so I can’t blame you for resenting him,”

“Did he say something to you?” He sounds almost afraid at the idea that Will might’ve said something distasteful to you, his face scrunching up in concern, but you dispel the thought with a quick shake of your head.

“No, he didn’t say anything to me,” Spencer can physically see the moment that your eyes catch on Will across the station in the way that your micro expressions change, the way your arms cross tighter over your chest and your nostrils flare. “He was more than distasteful to you though,”

You sigh in mild frustration. “You’d think that people would mature once they reach adulthood, but there’s always a few that cling to their childhood relevancy like their life depends on it. Pathetic really,”

he doesn’t know whether he should even be entitled to being surprised that you knew Will was character from his childhood. It doesn’t stop him. “I never said I knew him when I was a child,”

“He called you Pick, and you called him Billy,” You deadpan like it’s obvious. “You’re not exactly hiding it,”

“I can’t believe you remembered that,” You can see the genuine befuddlement in Spencer’s expression as you relay the cluing details into his past, like he seemingly can’t comprehend that you were actually paying attention and storing Spencer’s divulgence into his childhood in your memories.

“Believe it or not Reid, I do actually listen,” You sound almost offended at how surprised Spencer seems, and he back tracks immediately with a surrendering wave of his hands.

“That’s not— I didn’t mean to insinuate that, I just meant—” Spencer sighs exasperatedly at his failure to string together a coherent sentence. “I only mentioned it offhandedly is all, it’s not something people usually dwell on,”

“It’s not difficult to listen when someone confides in you Reid, it’s basic human compassion,” You move away from the window with a start, stopping just shy of the door right as it opens.

“Can we help you?” The small amount of empathy in your tone vanishes immediately as you meet Will’s eyes, your head cocked in obvious impatience despite the fact that he hasn’t even spoken a word to you yet.

And although mildly deterred by your expression, he follows through nonetheless. “I need to speak to— Agent Reid, it’s something about the case.”

You’d wager it’s definitely not about the case.

“Doctor Reid is busy, if you have something important go and find SSA Hotchner,”

Spencer can’t see your expression as you stand with your back to him, but if he had to make a guess based off of the way that Will’s face falters he’d say you were probably glaring at him. That signature glare that you never hesitated to utilise when deemed a necessary reaction.

He’s half glad he can’t see your face, because it means that you can’t see his, and the way his cheeks redden against his will at not only your intervention between him having to have another conversation with one of the nightmares of his childhood, but also how casual you were in correcting his use of Spencer’s official title.

“I can’t find SSA Hotchner,” He responds like he’s got you beat, but you barely so much as acknowledge it at all.

“Email him then, your chief supervisor has the details.” You take a small step forward to motivate him to step backwards out of the doorway, and you uncross your arms only to grasp the edge of the door. “Now if you’d please excuse us, we do our best work without distractions.”

You don’t give him time to reply before you close on him, but there’s just enough time for Spencer to see the astonishment dawn on Will’s face at your dismissal before he’s shut out completely.

Your frustration is still present on your face as you turn to walk back over to the whiteboard, and Spencer presses his lips together in an awkwardly endearing fashion before muttering out a soft “thank you,” in your direction.

“I don’t tolerate bullies Reid, it’s nothing to be thankful for,” You shake your head to dismiss him, a much lighter—much friendlier— dismissal than you’d awarded Will.

”You didn’t have to do that though,” Spencer sighs softly, playing with the sleeves of his sweater. “Let me buy you a coffee at least? There’s a cafe a few minutes away from here that I used to go to when I was younger, and I think I need the break,”

You can’t really blame his sudden want for fresh air, and you’d rather not slave away on the profile without him to filter your thoughts through, so you don’t really have much option but to join him.

“It’s not one of those ridiculously expensive coffee places is it?” You raise your eyebrow at him warningly and Spencer shakes his head with a soft laugh, one your happy to hear as a sign that Will hadn’t knocked him off his game too much.

“No no, last time I was here it was $3.49 a cup, perfectly normal,” He brushes a strand of hair from his eye with a small smile. “So you’ll join me?”

You let out a small exhale and a shrug of your shoulders, and Spencer knows that you’re feigning more begrudgement than you’re feeling. “I guess I could do with a break,”

Spencer’s smile seems to get just that little bit brighter at your response.

“But I’m buying my own coffee.”

“Okay—” Spencer gives you a small nod, joined by a laugh, and you wait until he’s got his back to you before letting a small smile invade your mouth at the sight.

[vbs-kaitos-big-naturals]

i think the main thing i hate about 'suicide units' in school health classes is how bad the advice is. like wtf??? no dont tell a persons parents theyre suicidal without the persons permission thats fucked up

instead of doing what school tells you, please follow these rules:

dont tell authority figures about someone's suicidal thoughts/sh unless you know theyre in active danger or they gave you permission. its a breach of privacy and trust, and it could put them in a bad spot if their parents are abusive.

please dont treat a suicidal person with pity/babying. its just plain demeaning. unless youre sure theyre okay with something else, treat them normally and just check in on them more.

and if YOURE suicidal, they dont even teach you how to deal with it or cope, they just give you 988/other hotline and send you on your way. its superficial care.

here are some ACTUAL tips if youre suicidal/struggling in anyway with mental illness:

if you cant do things the way youre supposed to, then cut corners. some is better than nothing.

the little things can make a difference. seeing your keychain always makes you feel a little better, so take that keychain everywhere. it wont fix everything, but a little bit of joy can go a long way.

find other people who are struggling like you. online spaces are a good start! however, if you feel like the environment is just making you feel negative and more depressed, you should leave to prevent further harm.

FIND THINGS YOU ENJOY. please. whether it be rhythm games, reading, drawing, hell, doing math equations, things that youre passionate about can be like a rock to support yourself when it gets bad. they make you feel better, they give you a purpose (though you dont need one to be worthy of life, remember that) and they give you something to connect to others with.

try to get some sunlight. vitamin D deficiency is awful and can cause serious depression, so letting the sun do its job can make you feel a little better. bonus points for either going outside or opening a window to get fresh air!

as soon as you can comfortably and safely do so, please try to go to a therapist to help you figure out how to cope with your symptoms. theyll still be there, but they can live alongside you instead of preventing you from living.

a lot of this stuff can be good for executive dysfunction too! if you need depression meals, a basic rule of thumb is to try and get all the food groups. if you only have instant noodles and some eggs, then make the instant noodles as cook the eggs in the broth. if you only have rice, peanuts, and some hot sauce, put those together. etc etc. there are tons of great resources out there too, ill probably reblog later with some.

most of all, of you seriously think youre at your wits end and might kill yourself after another issue, or maybe your parents yelled at you, or maybe you got laid off, whatever it is, call a hotline. things can be fixed, but if theyre fixed when youre gone, you wont be around to see how happy you could be :(

okay thats all. i hope i gave a few people better health education than school did. try to drink some water and maybe have a snack if you havent, and remember, i love you!!

(ps im not a licensed professional nor am i an expert, ive just been pretty depressed and suicidal for a long time, so this is speaking from mine and other's experience. if anyone else has something to say on it, i encourage sharing!! lets use our collective knowledge to defeat the pta mandated shallow health class)

[atlabeth]

between colleagues pt 2 - anthony lockwood

part one

summary: the morning after and some shopping. this is still a great plan. right?

a/n: lol this took forever to come out but ive been busy asf and dealing with a lot of personal issues but i am really loving these two and they made me feel better so i hope you all enjoy!! they really are just two idiots in love lmao the shop scene was v fun

wc: 4.1k

warning(s): fem!reader, small mention of death in regards to a case, reader freaking tf out for a second. but basically no warnings this is all fluff

also im aware i use this gif a lot but it's like my favorite one of him so uhhhh yeah

Your shoulder was stiff when you woke up, and you had to stifle a groan of discomfort as you rolled onto your back. So much for staying off your injured side, you thought disdainfully. Typical of you to sabotage yourself in your sleep. 

A glance over at the other empty bed proved Lucy was awake, and a glance at the clock on the wall proved she might have been awake for quite some time. 

It was six in the bloody evening. Lockwood’s call with the Caldecotts must have gone well if you were able to sleep for 14 hours. You normally would have had the sense to be a little bit ashamed of sleeping an entire day away, but after the job you’d had and the arrangement you made with Lockwood, you felt like you deserved it. 

You pulled yourself out of bed and went through the paces of making yourself presentable at the very least, then threw on a sweatshirt and made your way downstairs. Lockwood was alone in the kitchen, sitting at the table with a half-eaten piece of toast in front of him and the agency’s case binder in his lap. 

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” Lockwood said, glancing up from the files on his lap with a smile. You rolled your eyes at him as you walked into the kitchen. 

“Would you believe me if I said I was still tired?” You took a cup from the cabinet and filled it at the tap, taking a sip as you glanced out the window. Night had already fallen, and you could see the flickering of ghost lamps in the distance. 

“You know, I think I would,” he said. “You didn’t make it the full 24 hours you promised—I think you���ve still got some in you.” 

You chuckled and shook your head. “Where’s Lucy and George?” 

“Grocery shopping,” he said, and he looked at the clock. “It’s taking them an awful long while, though.” 

“Why are they shopping at night?” you asked. 

Lockwood shrugged. “George really wanted to make pad thai, but we have none of the ingredients. Apparently, it’s important enough to warrant a night trip to the store. Lucy offered to go with him, and I made them take their rapiers, so it should be fine.” 

“Of course you did,” you mused. “Did you tell them about our little arrangement?” 

His eyes filled with amusement. “No. I figured you would want the honor.” 

You sighed and let your head fall back. “Kind as always, Lockwood.” 

“You should probably start calling me Anthony,” he said. “Just to get used to it.” 

“What,” you said dryly, looking back down at him, “girlfriends don’t usually call their boyfriends by their last name?” 

“I think your family may frown upon it.” Lockwood checked his watch, then set the binder on the table and stood up. “If you get a kettle going, I’ll make us tea.” 

“Bored of write-ups already?” you asked, crouching down to pull the kettle out of a cabinet. Lockwood chuckled as he took the tin of tea bags out of the closet, and he turned the burner on just as you finished filling the pot up. 

“I try to do my part, but they’re really not my forte,” he said. “You and George are much better at them.” 

“And it comes from filing reports since the tender age of eight,” you said solemnly as you set the kettle on the stovetop.

Just then, the sound of a lock clicking open drew your attention, and you smiled as Lucy and George came inside. George had a reusable bag in one hand and her rapier in another, and Lucy also had hers drawn. 

Your brows knit together. “Run into any ghosts?” 

“Good morning to you too,” George said. You gave him a mocking look in return. 

“No,” Lucy answered, pushing the door shut with her foot, “just being careful. Because somebody swore he saw a Spectre and refused to let a Visitor run away with his goods.”

“I am starving,” George enunciated. “I wasn’t going to let a ghost ruin all my hard work.” 

Lockwood smiled. “Well, I’m glad you’re both intact.”

“I’m glad you’re finally up,” George said with a look at you. “I thought you’d never come out.”

“She slept like a brick,” Lucy said. “I knocked over all the bottles in the shower and she never even stirred.”

You shrugged. “Last night was exhausting. For many reasons.”

The kettle went off and you turned the burner back down. Lockwood took two more mugs out of the cabinet and set tea bags in them, then poured the boiling water into all four. You handed him the sugar container with a pointed look. 

“Remember, half—” 

“Half a teaspoon,” he nodded, taking it from you with a wry smile. “I remember.” 

“Good,” you said. “You’re always a little heavy handed.” 

“Are you saying I add extra sweetness into your life?” Lockwood asked, and you couldn’t help but laugh. 

“How did you know?” 

“You know, we’re also here,” Lucy spoke up, though when you turned to her she was barely hiding a smile. 

“As if I could ever forget you, Lucy Carlyle,” you said. “How’s your day been?” 

“Quiet without you,” she said. “Lockwood’s been on the phone all day, and even though George didn’t sleep quite as long as you, he still woke up at two in the afternoon.” 

“Oh, please,” George said over his shoulder, in the midst of rifling through his groceries, “I earned it. We all did, after the night we had.” 

“True,” she said, tilting her head. “I actually didn’t have any nightmares for once— I’ve never slept so soundly.” 

“See?” You gestured at her. “The charms I put on the walls are working.” 

Lucy gave you a look. “You can’t seriously believe that.” 

“No ghosts have gotten into our room!” you exclaimed. “And both of our nightmares have been getting better. That dragon is protecting us.” 

Lockwood bit back a smile. “I still cannot believe you bought that.” 

“Seriously,” George said, still organizing ingredients. “A week’s wages, just gone.” 

You frowned. “My iron dragon is incredible, thank you very much. Besides, I’m supporting local businesses.” You glanced at Lockwood. “So the supply calls were made?”

“Every last one of them,” he confirmed as he stirred sugar into your tea. “Satchell’s was very happy to get our business again. Salt bombs will be in on Friday, flares come next week, and we’re getting brand new chains tomorrow. Plus a couple new silver glass containers from Sunrise.”

“That’s smart,” you said. “I think I threw our last square container in the furnaces last week.” 

George frowned. “We went into the disaster that was last night without any silver glass?”

Lockwood cleared his throat as he handed you your mug, then set the other two on the table for Lucy and George. “Everything worked out in the end.”

Lucy just sighed. “We cut things too close for comfort.”

“The Lockwood & Co motto,” you said before taking a sip of tea. Perfectly sweetened. “How about the Caldecotts?”

“Rescheduled for tomorrow at half past noon,” Lockwood said. “Do you think you’ll be awake by then?”

You rolled your eyes good-naturedly. “I didn’t forget our deal that quickly.”

George raised his eyebrows. “What deal?”

“Oh, nothing,” you said. “Just sold my soul for a favor from Lockwood.”

Lucy frowned, eyeing the two of you. “Elaborate.”

Lockwood hid his smile with a sip of tea as he also looked at you. So this was still your treat. 

You shrugged. “We’re going to a wedding together.”

“Not exactly selling your soul,” George said. “Congrats.”

You rolled your eyes. “We’re going together.” 

“Congrats,” he said again. “Are we just emphasizing words now?” 

“We’re going as a couple,” Lockwood said. 

Lucy’s eyes widened and George nearly choked on his tea as they blurted out the same thing. “What?” 

“A fake couple,” you added hastily, “to fool my family.”

“…Oh,” Lucy said, glancing at George. “That’s…”

“Less exciting,” he finished. 

Lockwood made a face. “Less exciting? George, we’re going to be lying to her whole family for a whole weekend. I’d say that’s quite exciting.” 

He glanced at Lucy for a moment before he sighed and looked back at Lockwood with a shake of his head. “Sure.” 

“Anyways,” you segued, “I just thought you two should know. It’s not for another month and half, but between the usual ghost-hunting we’re going to be doing a fair bit of planning together.”

“Spend all the time together that you want,” Lucy said. “George and I are good enough at holding down the fort, right?”

“It was just Lockwood and I for months at the beginning of all this, and half the time I was on my own because of investigatory whims,” George said. “At least you’re usually sort of predictable, Luce.”

She frowned. “I take offense to that.”

Lockwood chuckled and shook his head as he set the other two cups of tea down on the table for them. “We won’t impede work at all, I promise. I’ll make sure everything still goes as smoothly as possible.”

“What Lucy said,” George said, finally satisfied with the order of all the ingredients as he got to work. “Spend as much time together as you want.” 

“Maybe you will,” you said haughtily. “Maybe Lockwood’s lying and we’ll completely abandon our duties.” 

“We won’t,” Lockwood assured, and you merely smiled as you took another sip of tea. 

“Speaking of work,” Lucy said, “we ran into Kipps and Godwin on the way to the store.” 

Lockwood’s expression hardened and he set his mug down a bit too forcefully. “Why didn’t you say that earlier?” 

“Because it was nothing,” George said, looking up from cutting vegetables. You were glad he was the one with a knife and not Lockwood. “Just typical Kipps posturing.” 

“He told us about some job they got,” Lucy said. “Some ridiculously rich widow hired Fittes to find and clear out the ghost of her husband, and they were put on the case.” 

“What was her name?” Lockwood asked. 

“I wasn’t really paying attention, if I’m being honest,” she said. 

“Agnes Colville,” George said. 

“That bastard!” Lockwood’s jaw clenched and he moved across the room to a stack of newspapers on the floor, toppling over from the height. He crouched down and began rifling through them, and after a second he pulled out one and held it up for you all to see. The look in his eye was only slightly crazed, which was admittedly progress. “He stole it from us!”

“I do remember seeing her in the paper,” you said after taking a moment to scan the cover. Her husband died of old age, and it was only because of their impressive fortune that anyone knew of it. “A tragedy.” 

“I talked to her first,” he insisted, still crouched on the ground. “I called her right after I got this paper, and she told me she wasn’t looking for any agents.” 

“She changed her mind, I guess,” Lucy said with a shrug. 

“Or Kipps bothered her until she changed it,” Lockwood grumbled. 

“Great,” George said wryly as he pushed garlic off his knife. “We’re going to be working double time to make up for this, aren’t we?” 

“Sharp as always,” Lockwood said, and he finally stood up as he set the newspaper back down. He pointed a finger at you. “After we go dress shopping tomorrow, it’s straight to the archives to pick up a better case than Kipps.”

You raised an eyebrow. “We’re going dress shopping tomorrow?”

“Did I not tell you?” He frowned. “Caldecotts then dress shopping. And now archives.”

“No,” you said, “you absolutely didn’t.”

Lockwood shrugged. “Well, now you know. We’re going dress shopping.”

“Awfully eager to get into this boyfriend role,” George said.

“I take my job seriously.”

“I already have a dress, Lockwood,” you said. “Dorothy Perkins, remember?”

“This is a special occasion,” he said. “You deserve something nice.”

You felt your cheeks warm and you looked right at him. “You’ll pay?”

“Of course,” he said. “Business expenses, remember?”

You laughed and shook your head. “Yeah. Alright, we can go dress shopping. But if I’m getting a new dress, you’re getting a new suit.”

“Fair’s fair,” he said.

“Do we get any new clothes on your bill?” George asked. “Or is that just reserved for your fake girlfriend?” 

“Oh, come off it, George,” Lucy said. “Let them have some fun together.” 

“Thank you, Lucy,” you said as you sat down across from her. 

“Of course,” she said. “You’re saving me from the Caldecotts and a day in the archives. I should really be thanking you.” 

You turned to look at Lockwood. “You’re not going to use this as an excuse to get me to come along on all your errands with you, are you?” 

“Do try and be supportive, love,” Lockwood said. “It’s only right as my girlfriend.” 

You groaned as you leaned back in your chair, trying your best to ignore Lucy’s smile. “Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea.” 

“Another Lockwood & Co motto,” George mused. “How fitting.” 

-

“Is that Anthony Lockwood walking through my door?” 

You looked up when you walked through the door after Lockwood, a grin already on his face as the boutique saleswoman, a kindly older woman, greeted him. A worker at an upscale clothing store knew him by name—already a good sign. 

“Ms. Bridgeston,” Lockwood said, “it’s been too long.” 

“It certainly has, young man!” She pulled him into a hug and he returned it, and the woman looked at you when she pulled away. “And who is this darling girl with you?” 

Lockwood said your name with a gesture, and you smiled and held out your hand. “I’m his associate.” 

“And my girlfriend,” he added as she shook your hand. You shot him a look over her shoulder with wide, questioning eyes. 

“Practicing,” he mouthed at you with a shrug. He was so ridiculous that you had to stifle a laugh. 

“Yes,” you said, looking back at her with a smile, “his girlfriend, too.” 

“Well, it is wonderful to meet you, dear.” Ms. Bridgeston smiled at Lockwood. “Anthony here has wonderful taste in apparel—he was right to bring you here.” 

“I believe it,” you said with a glance around. “We’re actually in the market for wedding clothes—my cousin is getting married soon.” 

“Oh, congratulations!” She clasped her hands together, eyes shining as she looked between both of you. “Is there anything you need help with, or would you just like to look around?” 

“We’re good to just look,” Lockwood said, “but we’ll certainly let you know if we need anything.” 

Ms. Bridgeston nodded with another smile. “Certainly. I’ll be in the back stocking if you need me.” 

“Thank you,” you said, and you looked at Lockwood as she walked off. “Any ideas?” 

He shook his head. “Get whatever you’d like. This is a very special occasion.” 

You chuckled and nodded, going off to look at a rack of dresses. The agency had been doing well for itself lately. You supposed you could splurge on a nicer dress after nearly dying a couple dozen times. “What are you going for?” 

“Oh, I’m not getting anything here,” he said. “I’ve already got a suit at home, and I’ll get a pocket square that matches whatever color you’re wearing. We’re shopping for you—I’m just having fun here.”

“How exquisite,” you mused as you ran your finger over velvet. “We’ve only been fake dating for a day and you’re already all in.” 

“Consider it getting in character,” Lockwood said. “We’ll already have gotten all our mistakes out of the way by wedding time.” 

“Wise as always.” You took the maroon dress off the rack and continued moving down the line, and you glanced over at Lockwood. “You’ve already got what you want?” 

“Most of my wardrobe is black and white.” He held up a navy suit. “This is different.” 

“Hardly,” you said with a chuckle. “Dark blue is almost black.” 

“This is my version of fun,” Lockwood said wryly, and you smiled as he went into the dressing room. 

You spent the next while picking out dresses that struck your fancy, and by the time Lockwood was done, you had five in your arms. When he walked out, you nearly dropped them all. 

You didn’t know what was wrong with you. 

Perhaps it was lingering sleep deprivation from the near 24 hours you spent awake the other day. Perhaps it was lingering anger from your dealings with the Caldecotts—no amount of money could make dealing with Lorena worth it, but all those zeroes did help—or perhaps you were just already losing your mind. 

Despite your complaints, you weren’t averse to the day Lockwood had planned out. Seeing as you’d spent entire days rooting through the archives with him on wild goose chases, an afternoon after an interview and some shopping wasn’t the worst it could get.

But now, standing in the back of the store as Lockwood emerged, you were beginning to question the wisdom of this decision. 

Because you honest to God didn’t know what was wrong with you. You saw Lockwood in suits every day, or at least something suit-adjacent. Slacks, a jacket and tie, a million white dress shirts that you always end up folding. Pristine shoes, so shiny you can see your reflection in them, getting ruined by cobwebs and plasma over and over—you’ve spent many a night sitting with Lockwood talking as he polished his most recent pair of shoes, determined to get them back to their former glory. 

The point was that you were used to it. You were used to seeing Lockwood dressed up—when you first joined the agency, you honestly thought he slept in suits as well until you ran into him one night on a mission for midnight tea.

So why were you unable to look away from him when he emerged from the dressing room? Why were you rendered absolutely and completely speechless? 

It was nothing special, at least for Lockwood. Just a tuxedo. Navy blue rather than black like he always wore, but far nicer than the usuals. He was fussing with his bowtie as he walked out, muttering things under his breath, and thankfully not looking at you at all. You felt your eyes widen, your breath stolen from you for a moment, and all you could do was stare. Very classy of you, but you could hardly be blamed. He was stunning.  

You didn’t even realize he was saying something until you heard your name for what had to have been the third time, and you blinked and snapped out of your stupor. 

“What?” 

He gave that damn smile and inclined his head slightly, holding up one end of the tie hanging around his neck. “Could you help me with this? I don’t know what’s wrong with me this morning.” 

At least you had that in common. You cleared your throat and nodded, taking a deep breath as you walked up to him in the hopes that you looked far more composed than you felt. “Yeah. Of course.” 

You felt his eyes on you the entire time and you tried your hardest not to focus on it. You’d done Lockwood’s ties millions of times, usually before a particularly important interview or a particularly difficult night. He always said it was good luck, and you always rolled your eyes with a smile. 

“So?” Lockwood spoke after a moment, still watching you.  

“It’s good,” you said with a nod as you finished tying the bow, making sure it was straight before you stepped away. “You look good.” 

“Thank you,” Lockwood said, looking at himself in the mirror with a slight smile. “For the compliment and the help. 

“It’s what I’m here for,” you said. 

“And as much as I appreciate that,” he said, turning that smile on you, “we’re here so you can get a dress too. Did you pick any out while I was getting ready?” 

You nodded and picked up the hangers you’d set down to help Lockwood. “Which one do you want to see first?” 

“Definitely the maroon one,” he said with a nod. “Goes well with your eyes.” 

“You’re too kind,” you said, and he chuckled as he pressed his hand to his heart. 

You went behind the curtain, purposefully taking your time as you undressed so you could try and compose yourself further. It was just a suit, and he was just Lockwood, and this was just a fun little ruse to get your mum off your back for once. 

Just a suit. Just a ruse. Just Lockwood. 

You let out a deep breath and nodded, finally feeling like yourself again. You stepped into the dress and pulled it up, adjusting it around your figure before you zipped it up in the back, but you couldn’t get it all the way up. 

“Lockwood,” you called, “can you help me?” 

“Of course,” you heard him respond. 

You pushed the curtain aside and stepped back out, making some more minute adjustments along the way. When you looked up, Lockwood’s eyes were wide, his lips slightly parted. 

“Lockwood,” you said, staring at him. 

He blinked and seemed to focus back in, his head perking up. “What?” 

“My zipper.” 

“Right.” Lockwood moved just a bit too quick around you, and you shivered as his fingers brushed your bare back for a moment while he pulled the zipper the rest of the way up. “Sorry.”

“Your hands are always cold,” you said. “It’s fine.” 

“That’s—” he cleared his throat, and you turned just to see him shake his head. “Right. Yeah. Thanks.” 

You raised your eyebrows, the slightest smile tugging at you. “For what?” 

His own rose. “Hm?” 

“You thanked me. For what?” 

Lockwood shook his head again. “Don’t worry about it.” 

You chuckled and nodded, holding out the skirt of your dress with your hands. “So? What do you think?” 

“You look incredible,” he said, “obviously. It’s an honor to be your fake boyfriend.” 

“You’re gonna make me blush,” you said, but your cheeks already felt too warm for comfort. 

Lockwood grinned. “Good.” 

You had to turn away at that point. He knew exactly what he was doing to you, teasing you like this. “You’re taking your role way too seriously,” you said, busying yourself with rifling through the rest of the dresses you picked out. 

“I told you,” he said, “I take my job seriously. And as someone who takes their job seriously, I think that dress is definitely the one.” 

“Really?” You held up a sparkling blue dress against you and looked at him. “What about this one?” 

He shook his head. “Maroon is definitely the one.” 

“I agree, dear.” You looked up to see Ms. Bridgeston walking out carrying two boxes, that same adoring twinkle in her eye. “You look beautiful.” 

“Thank you.” You looked back in the mirror for another good, long moment, and you nodded decisively. “I agree. This is the one.” 

“Wonderful choice,” she said. 

“Perfect choice,” Lockwood said with a grin. “If you get changed, I can go ahead and pay for everything. We’ve already used up half our day—we’ve got to get to the archives.” 

You eyed him. “You didn’t just say this was the one so we could spend eight hours in the archives, did you?” 

“No,” he assured. “That is the one—trust me, love. You just happened to pick out the best one first.” 

You chuckled and shook your head as you started going back to the dressing room. “Whatever you say.” 

Soon enough, you and Lockwood were both back in your regular clothes, dress bag in tow, walking down the streets of London. 

“You seriously don’t mind spending all that money for this?” you asked, glancing over at him. 

“Of course not,” he said. “I can always take it out of your paycheck, if it’ll make you feel better.” 

You laughed and hit him on the arm, earning a chuckle in response. “As long as you seriously weren’t lying to me about liking this dress to get me to the archives.” 

“I would never lie to you about something like that,” Lockwood said, and he held up his pointer and middle finger. “Agent’s honor.” 

You smiled inwardly. “Thank you, then. I suppose I can handle spending the rest of the day in the archives with you with compliments like that.” 

“Thank you, then,” he repeated. “We do have to make a stop for tea, first.” 

“Naturally,” you agreed. 

As you continued on your way, not exactly arm in arm but close enough for your hands to brush every so often, you found your mind drifting back to Lockwood in that damned suit. You cleared your throat and shook your head, trying to physically push the thought away. 

“Everything alright?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” you said. “Just got something in my throat.” 

Lockwood nodded, thankfully oblivious to your inner struggle. You let out a deep breath. 

This was definitely still a good idea.

[vultures-and-scavengers]

okay i have SO many thoughts on the blorbo cullen but my biggest ones are that i wish inquisition showed him In Withdrawal more. like this is terrible but pls make him shaky and unable to eat and like,,, coping with being the leader of the military but physically unable to fight. does this make sense?? 😭

it ENTIRELY makes sense. have you seen his concept art? the bags under his eyes are so big, if he tried to fly on an airline, they'd charge him for each one. he's super gaunt looking. he looks awful. its fantastic.

and then in game he's just pretty boy.

(this got way long, putting the rest under a cut)

and honestly, inquisition did not do a very good job of making the military an actual military? it's very hand-waved, running off the vague pop culture ideas of fantasy militaries, but like. irl, you do not have the #1 boss out on the field. that's not a thing that happens.

and cullen is the equivalent of like. the american joint chiefs of staff. he is in charge of everything. his decisions are going to be bigger than punishing individual soldiers, handling any one units requisitions, etc. he should also definitely have an actual staff. like a small herd of people who can advise and inform and gatekeep anyone who comes to him with questions.

and running the inquisition military alone SHOULD be overwhelming and awful and the sort of stress that ages you by 10 years each week. but nah, he just. is fine. signs some papers. swings a sword around. like, i want to know what your rations look like. what about your supply lines. how are you feeding/outfitting/housing/paying an entire army?

AND THEN they just hand-wave lyrium symptoms, so YEAH, i want to know more. chronic pain, temper, joint issues-- i feel like we can sort of somewhat see those in-game in. you know. the single cutscene we get where he gets into why he's doing this and how its affecting him.

and then he's fine in every other cutscene. and he acts like he's fit to fight and he'll go out into the field, in arbor wilds and shrine of dumat. so whats up, baby girl? whats going on?

so its like this mess of them not reading even a single wikipedia page on militaries (or trebuchets. they have a max effective range of around 350 meters. haven cutscene, i just want to talk.), and then giving us no clear answer on what lyrium does to those trying to get off it, but then since the player might tell him to get back on, permanently or temporarily, the player might not even talk to him, or the player will tell him to stay off it, like, you might have to write four different sets of dialogue afterwards, thinking about how the battles are going?

AUGH.

he's so inconsistent. and some of that is just DAI being a video game, which inherently limits what you can do. but some of it is just like. can we get one or two other people on this story?

and i think his writer was given an impossible task, which ive spoken some with @fenrisisms about: how the hell do you handle emotional fallout from torture, participation in an oppressive system that is encouraged and glorified by the main dominant cultural force in thedas AND was the system that oppressed those that also tortured him, drug addiction and withdrawals, and leading a military that he's 100% not qualified to lead (which i have so many thoughts on) in half a dozen cutscenes? and then add a romance? someone say a prayer for his writer.

and so we get this dude who we're told is suffering from withdrawal because he's trying to quit a substance that has killed or driven mad everyone else that's tried to get off, and he's... fine? outside the one cutscene? while also taking on a monstrously difficult task he's not qualified for (and then succeeds at)?

UGH.

DAI my beloved, you could have been even more.

[steifel]

The outsiders as conversations ive had

AN: all of these are real conversations. Also i don't necessarily ship all of the ships mentioned here but i thought that they would fit best with the conversations

TW: mentions of blood

---------------------------------

TwoBit: dude im so high i lost my Baja Blast

Evryone:......?????

twoBit: its ok though ive got a chicken in the oven so ill be ok in like 20 minutes

Dally: never in my life have i been High and thought damn i should put a chicken in the oven

Soda: ...... Hay Two can i have some high chicken

---------------------------------

This takes place after soda gets his wisdom teeth out

Darry: Sodapop Patrick Curtis get your goddamn hands out of your mouth you're gonna get an infection

Soda:NO!!!!!!!how will i know that they're gone if i can't feel to check!!!!! *hisssss like a cat*

---------------------------------

Twobit: Darry!!! Look what i drew

Darry:......?????

TwoBit: its a house not a Hitler mustache

Darry: (trying not to sound sarcastic) ooohhh.... Good job sweetie

---------------------------------

Darry: no its ok i just need a quick power nap You know? no more than 3 to 5 hours and ill be ready to go

---------------------------------

Ponyboy: after you said you had a crush on someone i figured you didn't like me so i took a long shower and cried while listening to sad music

Johnny: awe no pony your so silly the person i have a crush on is you

*cue me.... I mean Pony being all exited and confused because he didn't think it was possible that someone could know him and still have a crush on him*

---------------------------------

Sodapop: is it gay to have gay thoughts?

Ponyboy: i don't think so i think it only becomes gay when those gay thoughts turn into homosexual experiences

Sodapop: oh ok..... Is it gay that i had a homosexual experience with Steve?

Ponyboy:????!??!?!!!!!??!?!!

---------------------------------

Dally: hay man are you ok?

Johnny: *standing over a a sink with an intense amount of blood gushing out of his finger* yeah why wouldn't i be ok

Dally: ok.... Do you need a bandaid or something?

---------------------------------

Johnny: you know how i was ran over with a lawn mower when i was six well...

Ponyboy: wait what you cant just say something like that and move on

---------------------------------

Ponyboy: man fuck you

Dally: what did i do

Ponyboy: i don't know yet but im sure you did something

---------------------------------

Ponyboy: do you think Curly likes me i think he might

Sodapop: why do you think he likes you buddy?

Ponyboy: he bit me.

Sodapop: uh hu

[lokiswhqre]

//Part of the Band//

𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: mentions of drugs and alcohol, substance abuse, teenage dirtbag matty and friends, awful writing, swearing, and wild descriptions

𝒂/𝒏: i’m not sure if im catching matty the way i want to but i’ll keep writing, ive been writing this on wattpad w my own oc so sorry if u see glimpses of descriptions that don’t pertain to you i try to keep it as gender neutral as i can. i want to turn this into a fic but idkk should i ??

.𐦟

𝗠𝗔𝗧𝗧𝗬 knew he was in for it. she had completely stopped talking to him. in the haze of smoke and loud music, he couldn't hear her. she was next to him why couldn't he. the room was darken, compliments to the host for setting the mood yet in a state of panic all matty could do was feel around in his haste. strung out, wasted and high out of his mind. a combination that wasn't too keen on moving but he managed to bring himself to his feet. his body swayed as he fumbled for the light switch on the other side of the room. he wasn't sure how he'd got here.

ross said something about a party late night after a gig. between laughs and spray cans in a back alley matty finally allowed himself to agree, following the trio through the lonely streets of london. from the parking lot to the bouncing scenery, he wasn't sure when he had time to shoot up in the back room. a girl, pretty features, round face, doe eyes and a walk that could kill asked him if he had anymore.

"This is my first time.." she muttered, with the needle already too far inside to retreat and call everything off. fuck. he wanted to hold his head and slam it into the nearest wall at the same time.

he was sure she was dead. nothing had prepared him for the scene when he finally switched the lights on. dark red locks cascaded past her shoulders, straightened but he knew that wasn't her natural state. her eyes were closed, body limp, mouth agape. although she looked peaceful, and so ethereal he couldn't stare for long. he started with a small tap to her cheek, shaking her slightly as his heart raced. he considered calling for help but with laws nowadays he'd get charged too. he didn't know this girl, he didn't know if she had family or a job; a life outside of whatever brought her to him.

yet something in his mind told him to save her. he's careful as he pulls her body up, she slurring, a smile too bright on her face as he tries to stumble them to the nearest bathroom.

the first words she had spoken after the ordeal of even getting them into the bathroom, wasn't something he really wanted to hear in that moment. he was wet, shaking her limp body as she still wore the same smile on her face. if he wasn't so gone right now he might've thought she was a masterpiece in that moment. drenched, out of her mind and slurring things that didn't make sense. he couldn't wake her up and she was getting cold a little too quick for his liking.

"Come on.. Come on, Wake up! You gotta get up!" he shouts, shaking her again as he held her under the water. water littered the floor as they wrestled for a moment under the shower stream, red cups discarded on the floor, some girl was passed out under the sink. matty had to sober up quick he knew he looked crazed trying to shake the girl awake. for a split second he brushed his hair behind his ears and huffs, putting her under the water one more time.

she trembles, coughing from the water that had gotten in her face. her eyes open, darting around the room in particular way that made the boy question if she was even on the verge of death. she sits in silence, letting her eyes fall on him. her makeup had ran down her face, black streaks of mascara, made her eyes shine in a way that was almost wrong for anyone to appreciate but he did. and he knew 𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗶𝘁. it didn't take long for them to end up on the floor, his coat draped around her small frame. as he leaned against the bathroom door, shooing off anyone that dared to enter like some watch dog, he looked at her with a sense of guilt.

"Are you floating..?" she spoke slowly, as if the whole thing was just some lucid dream that she'd woken up from. now he was pissed, standing up and making his way over to her, minus stepping over whoever that was on the floor. "Are you joking? You could've died. Sobered me up way too fast for this party." he grumbled.

she scoffed, wrapping the coat, that was too wet to do her any justice, closer to her body. "I just wanted to have fun like the others.." she sighed, "All the models are doing coke and heroin. I just thought I'd try to fit in more.." she trailed off, grabbing a marker off the floor. matty watched as she opened the cap, with her teeth might he add, and drew the most grotesque looking dick he's ever seen on the girls cheek whom was too drunk to even feel it. it almost brought a smile to his face how carefree she seemed. but that couldn't distract him from the party atmosphere.

"Just be careful, you never know what you might try, unless you want to give it another go?" he teased, reaching for the door. she looked up at him silently, green met brown and matty felt his heart get tugged into a million pieces at once.

"Y/N..." she hummed, holding her hand out. he took it gently.

"Matty.." he replied, before he disappeared back into the flashing lights.

.𐦟

Y/N didn’t see him again until another autumn night, the air had grown crisp and hints of cinnamon lingered in it wake. her hair had been curled and her makeup had gotten smudged from the night. the only light that flickered was the cold fluorescent bulb of the bus stop. she took a seat, hugged her knees to her chest and waited for transportation. she was reeling from the night, her head spun with the mixture of alcohol and drugs but she still held it up the best she could.

music blaring, a group of teens around her age were approaching complete dirtbags she would call them if she was cool enough with them. she prepared herself her hand instinctively reaching for her purse, eyes so lidded she wasn’t sure how she’d make it out of this situation. But one of them caught her eye, one of them she knew in the midst of the crowd.

“MATTY” she shouted a little too loud for her liking it made her ears ring. the boy looked up, narrowing his eyes slightly at the girl before he grinned. “This is the one, the freaky girl from the party.” he says, gesturing to her. Y/N stood up on wobbly legs, waving to the group.

she wasn’t shy when it came to meeting others, but the way he introduced her made her rethink her choices that night. “Right on, well join us.. freaky girl,” a boy spoke up, way chirper then matty. she took a step forward, glancing at matty to see if it was okay but he was more worried about where the next bottle was coming from as he dug around in another kids bag for it. she felt her heart drop slightly at how dismissive he was.

“Glad you could join us,” ross hummed, holding out his hand. she took it gracefully and was pushed into the group of shouting teens. she stumbled along, holding onto ross the best she could as she glanced around. this part of london was notorious for its parties. a carefully crafted district that not even they weren’t allowed in yet somehow everyone knew matty. she wondered how someone so young could have so much influence. but then again she was also too drunk to care. more music, more drinking, a new drug, she wanted it all and these teens knew how to get it.

but even still the after party was always the best, it was like never coming down and she craved it more then her modeling job, more then getting home each night more then food. shit. did she eat that night she wasn’t sure. her body was too busy moving under the flashing lights and loud music, everything was spinning, and going; she wouldn’t allow herself to stop. she wasn’t sure when ross had let go of her hand, maybe when she’d entered the third club with them, because she was dancing alone suddenly. one hand in her hair the other held a red cup.

“It’s time for you to go home,” a man, he must’ve been watching her for a while now to finally approach her, grabbed her hips. “Noo, don’t make me go home.” she giggled, slipping her arms around his neck.

she felt alive and uneasy all the same, she didn’t know him yet she didn’t care to. she wanted to dance and she didn’t mind if it was with someone. she turned, letting her hands run up her thighs as she moved her hips against his. the music was too good and she was just buzzed enough to still have some coordination. her eyes searched the crowd for the black haired boy, until they finally fell on matty. and she almost froze as he eyed her, he had found refuge on one of the walls of the club.

his head tilted back, cup to his mouth but she saw it. fuck she practically felt his gaze burning into her little body. there it was the attention she’d been craving all night, her body started to move even more sultry against the man. in the back of her mind she wanted it to be him. she begged it to be him. as she let the music guide her, the smell of vodka hit her and she knew she’d never be the same. she’d always see matty this way. as their eyes connected again, he scoffed as it was ross who pulled her away. a strong grip on her arm and face of disbelief, she felt her body finally coming down from whatever high matty gave her. even as he pulled her through the crowd she looked back at the wall and of course the fucker was nowhere to be found.

[abyssalgalaxy]

Ive been reading the reigen manga finally so have my live thoughts that i wrote while reading it

Spoilers to the REIGEN manga ofc, actual proper comments at the end of it

Tome

TOMEEE YAY

Tome witnessing the highshcool girl with a toast trope I love it, sending tropes out of the window like always <3

Tome has a UFO bag!!!

Oughhh she feels like an outcast, give this girl the chance to infodump

Hi reigen

REIGEN AND TOME ARE BOTH LIKE THAT LMAOO THE FREE TIME DUO

I get why hes trying to get her away, it is a dangerous job, but he def does kinda see her as a nuisance

Serizawa

Hii serizawa!!!! :DDDDD

Reigen fucked up lmfao

oh nvm Serizawa saves the day :D

Dimple

Tome's teacher kinda looks like the first guy from the first episode/chapter, Taro I think was his name, it would be funny if he were lol

"Giving her my powers" I SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING HEHEHE

The ghost actually does look kinda scary wow

DIMPLEEE LETS GOOOOOOO

Roshuuto

So she really just fuckin brough him to S&S

So this is the infamous Roshuuto

My fuckin god Reigen is so cringe sometimes/aff/, bro wtf do you mean by spiritual level????

HIS CONTACTS ARE ALL MIDDLESCHOOLERS HELP

HE FUCKING FELL FOR THE SPIRITUAL LEVEL THING

BOTH JODO AND ROSHUUTO FELL FOR IT HOLY SHIT

I thought Jodo was gonna cook, he didnt do shit

Ooh shit, things are starting to go down

Oooh fuck

YAAAY SERIZAWAAA unless...

ok <3 yay <3

Roshuuto is a diiiick

So Tome heard reigen cus she trusts him, and Hoshida heard Roshuuto cus he trusted him too, only to be left to die, damn

Also reigen heard tome beacuse he worries and actually cares about her

Tips

Ooo Serizawa flexing his powers, imagine that in anime, i see a lot of potential

Wagh Serizawa has learned a lot from Reigen and Mob, hes changed a lot from the first time we saw him

Its interesting how this is the first time we see the "Psychic powers are not special" on a non esper

IN THE SPANISH VERSION SHE CALLS HIM LIL DIMPLE BASICALLY LMAOO

So theyre trying to make her realize that psychic powers arent special and to see beyond other things that could interest her, its basically what mob does in the series, but this time it's Tome's turn to learn

I felt a little "I love my job beacuse I get to be around people i like" from reigen when he was gonna tell her about why he works but HE DIDNT

Oh imagine the salt panel in an anime adaptation he would look cool

Salt splash

Is it me or did the artstyle change, it looks a bit more like the anime

SO SHES BEEN THROWING SALT

GET SALTED IDIOT

Oh shit hes gonna say it

OH HE ACTUALLY DID SAY IT I didnt think he'd say the truth

Ow that did kinda hurt, but it makes sense, he does care about her, hes trying to protect her

Reigen

Oh hey its the anime girl again

Rip hoshida again lol

Oh they changed the lion joke here, in this translation it was translated as "Why dont lions like fast food? Beacuse they cant catch it" lol

OOOOH WE'RE SEEING THE GIRLS OTHER SIDES LETS GOOOOO

SHE MAKES YAOI

WEIRD GIRLIES I LOVE THEM SO MUCHHH AAAAAA

SHE GETS IT NOW YAAAAAY

What the fuck happened to roshuuto

SERI NOOO WTF IS HAPPENING

DIMPLE WASNT ABLE TO HELP EITHER???

ROSHUUTO UR A DIIIIIIIIIICK WTFFF I GET IT BUT WHYYY

FIUWHECOIQUEOCQIERGQOIERCHQOEWU9CHQOWEIFFQHE8FQ7HW9F8QU294F7QH28FQHWEJ

THE HUG OUGH

HE TOOK IT

HOOO NOOO

OH whats he gonna do

Oh fuck

Aw hes hugging it

OH OH I SEE

Oh it worked! I think

OH NO THAT CANT BE MOB IT CANT

I WAS TOLD HE DIDNT APPEAR HERE

Oh hes just grabbing his ass by the suit

LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO unless...

YAAAY, I didnt hink Mob would actually show up, I thought some other thing would appear but yayyyy

I wonder if he ever told mob what actually happened

N you can tell its mob cus the first thing he says its asking reigen again to not call him so suddenly also he sees mob cus reigen trusts mob

Aw they just go for ramen, ngl he deserves one, that mustve been stressful

LMAO ROSHUUTO

He doesnt even know math

NONE OF THEM KNOW MATH

Final thoughts: That was so fun to read omg, we really need an anime adaptation or a movie even that could work too Aside from that, I get why its called REIGEN and not TOME despite Tome being the protagonist, the spinoff it is about Reigen, its about what he taught to mob and others, the core message of the series "You arent special" Tome's arc here is understanding that. She feels lonely and bored beacuse she cant be herself in this new enviroment, shes an outsider, different from the other girls that are just interested in superficial things so she goes to s&s to be around things that she enjoys, ghosts, cursed places, psychic powers, etc. She isnt seeing that theres more things to see However she then realizes that the rest of the girls do have that problem of feeling like an outsider beacuse of their interests and when they realize that theyre all weird they start trusting each other and start to fully enjoy their company, she understands that her situation is not special, theres many more people that accept her as she is, she starts enjoying the connection she has with others, shes found a place where she fits in Thats what reigen did, he was able to find a place where he can be with the help of others, this ones about apreciating the connections we make with others

Ok my thoughts were kinda scrambled so I hope that makes sense, thanks for reading my shits <3

[sonic-adventure-3]

I accidentally drew the same goddamn pose 3 times lmao. Why is posing legs so hard i always fall back on posing them in the shape of a 4. Also, new freak!! Her name is Jerryjack. More about her + individual images + couple other things below the cut vvv

I don’t think I’ve posted any drawings of her other than her first, but i’ve been drawing rig a lot more like this rather than that first one. More graphic head shape, more upright ears, one eye hidden, mouth hidden by scarf, what have you. I think she looks cooler and is way easier to draw like this, but is a little less sonicy, im sure I’ll find a balance sometime. Rare carrion non-blep, this pose is cool but i did not even try cleaning this up lol.

And jerryjack!! She sucks so bad i love her. They’re Rig’s best friend, known each other since they were kids and learned the trade (killing) under the same mentor. She’s 11 months older than Rig, so she’s about 25ish. She hates consistency, commitment, seriousness, kids, stagnation, compassion, anything boring, and many many other things. She loves anything fun, stirring shit, lying, inflicting blunt force trauma, herself, lockpicking, and money. She’s purely self-interested and does everything she does for funsies. She’s not a part of the postal crew cause she thinks it’s boring and is allergic to commitment but hangs around and ‘helps out’ sometimes. She’s a hitman on her own, and has way more connections through that than rig, occasionally floats jobs her way. Also sometimes places bounties on her when shes mad. Or just cause.

Unlike Jerry, Rig is a very routine and organized person. She wakes up every morning at 6 sharp despite not being a morning person. Miraculously, she and jerry lived together for 2 years and during that time rig ate microwaved oatmeal every single morning and got groceries on tuesdays. All this is to say Rig is very methodical and likes routing and things that are expected. So Jerry lost their shit when rig called them randomly and casually told them that she’s starting a non-euphemistic postal service and also spontaneously took in a couple kids. Naturally, she’s very wary of squabble and carrion, especially the latter. Assassin recognizes assassin, silly recognizes silly, they try to kill each other and then become besties (who still periodically attempt to kill each other). As for squabble, she’s surprisingly fun to interact with, so jerry warms up fairly quick and becomes a truly awful influence on her.

Here’s the first drafts and base. She’s obviously a jackalope but calls herself a hare for some reason. Is part of that reason because i couldn’t think of a pun name other than jack like jackrabbit and ‘jack the jackalope’ sounded a little too stupid for my taste (as if ‘jerryjack’ isn’t stupider)? Ummmmmmm.

Anyway, i decided to nix the asymmetrical antlers cause theres a limit to how much asymmetry i should stuff into a set of characters, carrion’s already got the lopped off ear and etc. the back and tail marking is supposed to emulate ribs

I’m still super duper undecided on jerry’s outfit and colour scheme. Every outfit ive thought up so far feels way too simple or untethered to reality in comparison to the postal crew’s, however i think the postal crew is a bit too complicated (or way too complicated in squabble’s case) and too grounded for sonic, so. Idk what to do abt that. And as for their colour scheme, as seen above her first drafts have the same red and green of the postal crew, but seeing as she doesn’t work with them it’s definitely the better choice to diverge from that. Saturated orange is the most tense and unsettling colour to me so i think it suits her off putting nature, but the white and orange combo reminds me intensely of like. 1960s egg chairs. WAIT and ulala space channel 5. And various stupid tech startup kitchen gadgets. Just generally a combo with a lot of nonthreatening and safe associations rather than the warning sign i want. Idk man i’ll workshop it eventually.

Also, cloak rig. Her previous red coat was stupid. Not sure how much smarter this is but it looks cooler. Still doesn’t usually wear it other than in towns to hide her wings or when it’s cold. Also also this is the same fucking pose again

[maximura]

Ad Astra: The Theory Of Relativity | An Interstellar Ateez story Part I | Part II | Part III | Park IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII (Words 5000, Gen, Warnings: swearing) You can now also read it all on A03

The rocket thrusters continue to fire at 100% but they cannot maintain the shuttle’s momentum without the pilot taking control of the flight path. The shuttle’s wing panels shake and shimmer with instability, the craft veers dangerously off course, losing both fuel and momentum as it surges haphazardly towards the exosphere. 

The pilot loses control of the engines. 

The pilot loses control of the thrusters. 

The pilot loses control of the navigation. 

The shuttle breaks apart in the exosphere with no survivors on board. 

The screen goes black.

*

“This simulation is rigged!” San announces hotly as he climbs out of the flight simulator.

“No, it’s not.” Hongjoong replies through the intercom of the control room. “This is based on a real mission. It is achievable.”

“I’ve done it twice and it’s failed both times. Even Mingyu didn’t get past the exosphere and Taehyun crashed it four times! How do we even know it can be done?"

Seungcheol steeples his fingers in contemplation but there’s a sly mischievous grin on his face as he looks at Hongjoong and nods towards the simulator. 

“Go on. Show the children.” 

Hongjoong pushes the intercom button again.

“I know it can be done San because I did it. This was my mission. I wrote this simulation."

If earning Choi San’s awe and respect turns out to be a bad influence on the teenager, well that’s between them and God. 

****

Dear Mr Kim, 

I regret to inform you that there has been an incident regarding Flight Training Simulator A. As you know, an emergency meeting has been arranged tomorrow. You are expected to arrive at 9:00am KST sharp. I’m sure you are also aware, though I feel the need to remind you again, that the consequence of your non-compliance, like mine, always leads to martial law.

Regards, 

Dr Park Seonghwa

NASA Deputy head of Astrophysics, Robotic Engineering and Interstellar Biology, PhD

P.S I strongly advise that you dress appropriately and avoid any confrontation, for both our sakes. As I am writing to you in confidence, please delete this message after reading. 

****

“Yunho! Get up!” 

The lump on the bed doesn’t move.

At least not until Hongjoong nudges it with his foot. “I’m serious, get up! I need to talk to you.”

Groaning, Yunho rolls over, a little shocked to see his older brother fully dressed up in a shirt and tie this early on a Saturday morning.

“Why are you up already? What are you wearing?” He croaks, throat rusty from sleep. “Is that dad’s tie?”

Hongjoong is reading a letter with a deep frown on his face. “I’ve been called into NASA’s head office for an urgent meeting, they’re flipping out about something. I need you to start that job on Mr Lee’s tractor engine by yourself today. You know how, we did the same thing a few weeks ago. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“What? By myself?” Yunho repeats in disbelief. "Are you sure?"

Hongjoong doesn’t look up from his letter. “Yes I'm sure. I’ve already called Mr Lee. He’s fine with it as long as I come take a look this afternoon to double check. You’ll be fine, you’ve done it plenty of times already.”

Yunho sits up in bed now. “I’ve only done it five times Hongjoong and you were there for all of them.” 

“I barely had to correct you on anything last time. You don't really need me anymore. You're ready.”

Yunho just gapes at him, mouth opening and closing without any words coming out. 

Hongjoong finally folds the offending document he’s reading into his bag and looks at his brother. 

They’ve been so tired and caught up in their own separate problems that they’ve missed how worn out the other has been. The NASA job eats up most of Hongjoong’s time and if there’s anything left over, it’s spent trying to keep up with all the farming jobs that continue to come in.

Hongjoong makes it a rule that no matter where their day takes them, they come home to eat dinner together. Yunho appreciates how hard his older brother is trying to hold everything together but can’t ignore the way that grip is slipping. One day there won't be a grip at all. One day Yunho will need to take matters into his own hands. He knows it's coming, he just doesn't know when.

“Listen, if you can’t do it, I’ll call Mr Lee and reschedule it.” Hongjoong sighs, running a hand through his hair. “He’ll understand."

“No, I can do it!” Yunho interjects loudly, wincing at how harsh his voice suddenly got. “It’s just….I haven’t done a whole job without you before.”

Hongjoong comes over to squeeze his brother's shoulder firmly, the movement is reassuring and grounding for the both of them. “The tractor is older than you. It’s basic as they come. Mr Lee isn’t in a rush so you’ll be fine. Wooyoung is on for tool-duty. You got this.”

“Well, um okay. If you think so.”

“Yes, I do.” Hongjoong nods. “Now get up. It’s 8am. I’ll drop you guys off with the tools on the way.”

“Can I have five more minutes?”

“Sure.”

“Really?”

“Nope. Get your ass up now.”

*****

It's with a sense of deja vu that Hongjoong meets Seungcheol in the dim corridor of NASA’s headquarters. The older man painting a well-practiced picture of apathy: his white shirt sleeves are already rolled up to the elbows, dark blue tie slackened despite the early hour and those broad shoulders devoid of any tension at all as they lean against the wall.

He wears a deeply unimpressed expression on his face which only brightens up when he sees Hongjoong approaching. 

“Morning!”

“Morning?” Hongjoong replies slowly, confused by the jovial tone of his friend at a time like this. “Did you get the same memos as me? NASA sounds pissed.”

“Every government agency sounds pissed.” Seungcheol points out. “Same shit, different day.”

“Why don’t you have PTSD from this?” Hongjoong asks. “Last time we were both summoned to a meeting together, we both lost our jobs.”

Seungcheol laughs brightly. “Well, kiddo, the thing is: we’re all they’ve got. They know it. I know it. You know it. So this is probably just a little formality to let them air their grievances so it looks like we got disciplined. Just nod and smile and we’ll be outta here in 40 minutes max.”

Hongjoong opens his mouth to protest but Seungcheol is already holding up a finger. “Do. Not. Engage. You hear me? Your mouth and attitude always gets us in trouble.”

“Me?! But I don’t even know what-”

Seungcheol quirks a strong, and vaguely threatening, eyebrow. 

“Okay okay.” Hongjoong sighs, holding his hands up in surrender. “No engaging, I got it.”

“Good. Just smile and nod. It’ll be fine!” Seungcheol chirps cheerfully again. “Whatever this bullshit is, let’s just get it over with. The fucking audacity to call me in on my day off and not even tell me the emergency. I swear these clowns just want to push my buttons.”

Hongjoong looks over, confused again. Maybe Seungcheol didn’t get the same memo from Dr. Park. Maybe he just didn’t bother to read the details. Or maybe he didn’t want to know, though the latter scenarios seem highly unlikely. Which leaves… 

“We’re all here on our day off Commander Choi. Perhaps the clowns are just ready for the circus to roll into town.”

Doctor Park Seonghwa. 

He had walked up to them so quietly that Hongjoong barely even heard it. They nod a polite greeting to one another but nothing more is said.

It's been awhile since they saw each other; a few weeks feeling like years, both men now in possession of longer hair, shorter tempers and heavier responsibilities. Not even the dim lighting of NASA’s corridor could hide their dark circles and tired lines; familiar telltale signs of one’s complete inability to find any work-life balance. 

They share a brief look of what might be understanding or maybe commiseration, on Hongjoong’s part anyway, before Yeosang directs them into the boardroom with a professionally neutral expression on his face. 

And then it begins. 

Yeosang clears his throat before briefing the room on the latest developments: 

“Last night, Friday 22nd, at approximately 7pm, our security personnel received an alert from the Western training facility. Upon further investigation, a Level 1 trainee was discovered in Flight Training Simulator A. He was promptly escorted off the premises and will be questioned in due course. This meeting’s purpose is to address the unfortunate news that there has been a malfunction with Simulator A that has rendered it inoperable for the foreseeable future. We have our technicians assessing it as we speak.”

What the hell.

Hongjoong notices that Professsor Park is not present around the table but the same familiar suits and faces from his previous interrogation are. This is not going to end well. Not when he was the last person to run a simulation on that very machine. 

“Commander Choi, as lead instructor, what is your knowledge regarding the malfunction of Flight Training Simulator A?”

For all his intensity and prickly demeanour, Seungcheol remains oddly civil. “The simulator was functioning normally during the last training session. I have no knowledge of any malfunctions. NASA doesn’t pay me enough to babysit the children after hours.”

The suits are unamused but accept his answer and move on.

“Mr Kim, what is your knowledge regarding the malfunction of Flight Training Simulator A?”

“Training finished at the scheduled 5pm. The simulator was working normally when we left. I….was at a birthday party for my brother after that. I don’t have any knowledge of the malfunction either.”

There’s a murmur from the Head Suits but they also move on, turning to the left to address someone else. 

“Doctor Park, as a Deputy Head, what is your knowledge regarding the malfunction of Flight Training Simulator A?”

Hongjoong looks across the tablet in surprise.

The young Doctor is trying keeping his face neutral but Hongjoong can see his jaw muscles tensing, no doubt a movement to contain the simmering frustration underneath.

“As I have already informed you all in writing, I do not have further knowledge of the malfunction.”

The Blue Suit leans forward, in both a leering and aggressive way that makes Hongjoong’s hands twitch. “Yes, of course we have read your email but what I am asking you now Doctor Park, is why your security ID tag was used to access the training facility after hours?”

Quiet gasps of shock ripples through the room and Hongjoong looks at the Doctor in earnest now, searching that stern and cold face for any signs of….anything. 

But there’s barely anything else to find. 

“I believe I also explained that in my email.” Doctor Park replies evenly, before dropping his security tag onto the wooden table with a loud clack that echoes uncomfortably in the cavernous room. “There is only one copy of my security ID tag and it is sitting here on this table right now. If there is another one out there, then that is a security issue, because I can assure you that I have not-“

“Could it be that you allowed the trainee to borrow it?” The Blue Suit interrupts. “He would have access to it, would he not? Perhaps when you were not looking?”

“No. I did not do that.” Doctor Park furrows his eyebrows in frustration. It’s a small movement but it’s there. The cracks are beginning to show and it makes Hongjoong suddenly nervous to see the other man be anything but a cold stone wall.

“He knows not to do that.”

He? 

Who?

Oh no.

Hongjoong is still processing the information but Seungcheol is leaning back in his chair chuckling quietly to himself, as if he’s figured it all out and all that’s missing is a bowl of popcorn to enjoy the show. 

“But he did do it.” The Blue Suit pushes on. “We have security footage that Choi San used your ID tag to gain access to the training facility, then proceeded to spend the next three hours frying the electrics of our Flight Simulator. What do you think we should do about that?”

Doctor Park’s hands form two fists on the table for a few seconds before relaxing again. “He is to face the consequences the Board sees fit but I ask you to consider his age and abilities-“

“You cannot be impartial.” The Blue Suit scowls, shaking his head in disappointment. “The board members have been considering removing you from the Lazarus mission. Favouritism has no place at NASA.”

At this, there is audible shock in the room. Even Seungcheol sits up. 

“What the hell?!” It slips from Hongjoong’s mouth before his filter could even catch it. “This is ridiculous. It’s mostly his mission!”

Seungcheol groans beside him and kicks at his ankle in warning. “Don’t…”

But it’s too late, all the attention swings from Doctor Park to rest heavily on Hongjoong’s face. Suddenly his dad’s tie feels like it’s choking him.

Flashbacks flood his mind now; from being escorted off his half broken ship, to the humiliating hearing, to the disappointment on his parent's faces, to Seungcheol’s angry tirade in the aftermath and finally, to them both being fired permanently from any NASA or military employment. 

Yeosang clears his throat, perhaps sensing the precarious mood in the room, and speaks before the Suits get the chance. 

“Mr Kim, if you do not have any further relevant information to contribute to this matter, I would suggest letting the Board continue.”

It’s a warning and a small mercy. Seungcheol has to kick Hongjoong’s ankle twice to get the message across. 

“Yes. I apologise.” Hongjoong forces himself to say. “I don’t have any more….relevant information.” 

The Suits turn back to Doctor Park, whose elegant edges were beginning to fray. 

“Doctor Park, the Board has always appreciated you and your father’s generosity in assisting Trainee Choi San into the program. We regret Professor Park cannot join us today but we cannot be seen showing leniency and favouritism in the face of such egregious irresponsibility. The Board moves to relieve you of your role in the flight training portion of the Lazarus Mission. You will only have security clearance for your robotics and biological pursuits. Trainee Choi will be demoted from Level 1 to Level 2 as a consequence. You understand this has to be done. We take no joy in it.”

Doctor Park’s jaw tenses again and Hongjoong can feel the intensity rolling off the other man in deafening waves. 

“I ask you to please reconsider. I will pay for the repairs, I can assure you Trainee Choi only had good intentions-“

The Blue Suit laughs. “His good intentions broke a $10 Million dollar NASA grade machine.”

The Doctor slumps at that. Finally defeated.

“The Board’s decision is final. If there are any objections from any other members, let them voice it now.”

Hongjoong’s fingers dig into the arm rests but before he can even move forward in his seat to protest again, Seungcheol’s hand shoots out to yank him back. “No.”

When Hongjoong looks across the table to lock eyes with Doctor Park, he’s met with a small dejected shake of the head.

Remnants of last night's email echoes in his head;

P.S I strongly advise that you dress appropriately and avoid any confrontation, for both our sakes.

It's only then that the fight leaves Hongjoong. 

“That concludes the first portion of today’s meeting.” Yeosang’s neutral voice fills the room again. “We move to the second portion, regarding the unsatisfactory behaviour and progress of our trainees. The Board expresses concerns regarding the training methods used by Commander Choi and Mr Kim, from whom we request an explanation.”

It takes a few seconds for Seungcheol to move forward in his seat, like he had all the time in the world. His tie remains askew and he runs a hand through his long dark hair before speaking. The movement irks several Board Members and Hongjoong marvels at Seungcheol’s exceptional talent for pissing off government heads. 

“We’ve inherited a misfit group of mediocre pilot trainees. It takes time breaking bad habits, we’re doing it as fast as we can. Bad habits are worse than no habits.”

“What is your solution for this mediocre performance?”

“Solution?” Seungcheol snorts a laugh that sounds both resigned and annoyed. “You want us to upskill a bunch of kids in 12 months, at something that takes at least 4 years, in a job that less than 1% of the population can perform, with 90% less resources. The solution is to keep going.”

“Keep going?” The Blue Suit deadpans condescendingly. “That’s the solution? Could you be more specific? Might I remind you of the amount of goodwill and money we have—“

Seungcheol breathes in and out so heavily and so slowly that the entire room can see it, hear it and feel it. Like a Dragon taking pause before it makes a kill. Even Yeosang shifts uncomfortably in his chair. 

“No. You may not.” The commander says coldly. “No amount of money can fix them. If you want specifics: these kids aren’t good enough. The only solution for better results is better training and better pilots. We’re working like hell on the former but we’re in short supply of the latter.”

Hongjoong braces himself as Seungcheol continues. 

“Do not speak to me about goodwill. Your goodwill means nothing. These kids know they may be giving up their lives for future missions and they’re still stubborn enough to keep going. That’s the only goodwill I care about.”

There is a beat of silence but miraculously, Blue Suit only frowns as he continues. “How do you propose to increase their experience now that one of the simulators is out of action? Are you prepared to increase your work hours? Are either of you? We need pilots ready as soon as possible.”

“Well, you already have a fully trained pilot don’t you?" Seungcheol says, his eyes full of apology as they land on Hongjoong. "He’s a bit rusty, sure, but it would take me less time getting him mission-ready than it would running that pilot daycare.”

Seungcheol pauses, and there’s another rare gentle look in his eyes as he regards Hongjoong again, “The pilot daycare is years away from being mission ready so if you people want a competent pilot in space in the next 6 months, get the CyberSynk program back online. CAASI was made for this wasn’t he?”

This question is directed at Doctor Park, whose shock is clearly visible. “Yes but he hasn't done a flight with another human since the program shut down."

"But he can do it can't he? Isn't this what you built him for?"

"....Yes."

The Suits voice their objections but Seungcheol pushes on.

“How soon can you get him and LEO flight ready?”

Doctor Park is taken aback by the question again but after a moment's pause, his reply comes out steady, “A month at most, to recalibrate the data and sequences.”

“See? There you go. I solved this ridiculous maths problem for you all.” Seungcheol leans back in his chair with a smug grin before pointing to both Hongjoong and Doctor Park. “I need that lunatic because he’s our best pilot and I need the good doctor over there for his robots. So if you really want to get this circus on the road, you’re going to need to immediately re-instate both of them as active mission personnel.”

The room breaks out into instant loud protest again but Hongjoong can’t hear them above the chaos in his head. How well does Seungcheol know CAASI? Who was LEO? The CyberSynk Program was shut down by NASA years ago because they couldn't be convinced that man and robot could co-pilot a space shuttle together into deep space. They had deemed the standard built-in auto-pilot AI option was already adequate. If CyberSynk has been shut down for all these years, why was CAASI built for it?

Hongjoong can’t think straight. There’s a loud ringing in his ears that keeps him frozen in his chair but when he finally lifts his head up to look across the table, all he sees is Doctor Park’s wide eyes locking into his. 

There’s Shock. Concern. But underneath it all, determination. 

****

Hongjoong sits on a metal bench, hidden away from the main building, just breathing and staring at the expanse of dirt and dust in front of him. It was quiet, calm, not altogether unpleasant but this dusty-nothingness wasn’t really a way to live either. His brothers deserve better. 

There’s a rustle to his left that pulls him back to the present and when he looks up, he’s surprised it’s neither of the people he expected; not a smugly victorious Seungcheol or a stressed-out Doctor Park but a lanky teenager in a shirt and tie who had the audacity to look sheepish.

“Hi.” San says quietly. 

“Hey.” Hongjoong replies back, attempting a smile but knowing it comes across as a grimace, judging by the way San just stays awkwardly rooted in his spot. 

“Sorry….about your meeting. You probably had better things to do today.”

Hongjoong chuckles. “That’s what you’re sorry about? You’re not sorry about breaking a 10 million dollar NASA machine?”

San pokes at the gravel with the toe of his shoe and shrugs. “It was an old machine on it’s last legs anyway. It was going to die soon, especially with all the training we’ve been doing on it lately. That thing is older than me. Seonghwa took me to see it when I first came to NASA.”

Hongjoong recalls San’s story; of him being orphaned as a child, brought to NASA, taken in by a generous family...

Oh.

It suddenly explains so much.

“So, er, you and Doctor Park….” Hongjoong starts carefully, unsure how to really continue but really wanting to ask. San must have understood the silence because he takes a step closer, this time with a fond smile. 

“Professor Park adopted me in when I was little. Seonghwa has always been a brother to me.” The young pilot says. “NASA didn’t really like it, something about how unfair it was and they how thought I cheated my way in. Maybe I’m just good!”

Hongjoong laughs out loud at the arrogance of teenage hood. He’s heard this before because he probably said the exact same thing to Seungcheol once upon a time and earned a good cuff behind the ears. The laughter startles a smile out of San, whose shoulders relax a little. 

“Sit down.” Hongjoong says, patting the empty spot on the bench. “How did you do it?”

“Do what?”

Hongjoong fixes San with a withering look. “Steal your supposed brother’s security ID to break into a NASA facility and destroy one of their training simulators.”

There’s a smile that threatens to creep onto San’s face and if Hongjoong was a better role model he’d have felt the need to scold the teenager for it. 

He doesn't.

“I just swapped it for mine when he wasn’t looking.” San replies nonchalantly, like it was something so simple a mere child could do it and in fact, did. “He’s been so focused on the mission's projects, I figured he wasn’t going to notice for awhile-”

“Wait a second,” Hongjoong interrupts. “When was he not looking? He’s always looking. He looks at everything!”

San rolls his eyes. “It’s called being obsessed and hyper fixated actually. He gets into these zones and forgets everything else. You could set yourself on fire in front of him and he might not even notice.”

Hongjoong frowns at the thought of the other man burning himself out for this mission, only to front a meeting for something he didn’t even do. And yet, as he looks at the culprit beside him, he can’t really summon up anger or blame either. Not when he did the exact same thing himself a few years ago with far more expensive consequences.

“Why did you do it San?”

The young trainee shrugs. 

“San…”

There’s silence for a minute. It’s not as uncomfortable as Hongjoong was expecting. San plays with his restless hands before finally speaking again. 

“You said it could be done. I wanted to try and do it like you showed us but it never worked. I kept getting it wrong, over and over again.” 

“You’re a level 1 trainee. You’re not supposed to be getting every simulation right. That’s not the point of the training. That’s what the exams are for.”

“Well, I almost had it before the stupid thing started smoking and dying on me.” 

Against his better judgment, Hongjoong laughs. San, sensing he wasn’t going to get scolded again, chuckles along cautiously.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.” Hongjoong replies.

“Did they fire you again?”

Hongjoong shakes his head, unsure what to really say. "No, not quite."

"Oh good." San breathes out a sigh of relief. "So I didn't get you or Commander Choi in trouble? Will you still teach us?"

"We'll be fine but you got demoted San. I'm not sure who will be teaching your level now."

"I know." San mumbles miserably. "But if you had free time..."

"If I had free time and it was legally approved, then sure."

"But even if it wasn't technically legally approved-"

"You really are trying to get me fired again aren't you?"

***

It’s Doctor Park who finds them in the end.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” San replies at the same time Hongjoong nods, each unsure who the question was meant for. 

“Looks like there will be a lot of new changes soon.” Doctor Park says as he sits down on the bench. “For all of us.”

“I know.” San mumbles. “It’s so stupid I have to train with the level 2 kids. They’re so slow. I deserve to be with the level 1’s!”

“You are still a kid and you’re lucky they didn’t kick you off the program altogether.”

“I’m their best pilot!” San exclaims, looking at the only older brother he’s ever known. “Seonghwa, I was just trying to be better, I swear. That’s what they said they wanted! It’s so stupid I have to be held back for doing exactly what they wanted."

He has a point, Hongjoong thinks.

“That’s not the point.” Doctor Park says as he lets out a quiet weary sigh. It comes out so soft that Hongjoong has a hard time believing this is the same man who interrogated him a few months ago and won.

“Is….the Professor angry with me?” San asks tentatively.

“Angry?” Doctor Park smirks as he looks over. “He laughed for multiple minutes when I told him what you did. I guess breaking rules is in this family’s DNA.”

“But I’m adopted.” San points out. 

“Then it’s all my fault you’re a lunatic. You were raised by wolves and I’m the wolf mother.” 

The image of Doctor Park playing mother wolf to a wild teenage San flashes through Hongjoong’s mind and he can't to stop the bubble of laughter from escaping. They both look across at him in question and only slight judgement. 

“Um, I think we’re all to blame for this lunatic, Doctor Park. He’s been raised by a whole pack of wolves.” Hongjoong says with a chuckle. “I’m not exactly the best role model NASA has available.”

“Oh I am very aware of that.”

"No, he’s awesome Seonghwa!" San surges forward to object. "He taught me how to-“

“Anyway,” Hongjoong interrupts hastily, kicking at the teenager's foot to stop the incriminating rambling, even if he was warmed by San’s defence of him. If Doctor Park noticed, he doesn’t say anything and Hongjoong takes the opportunity to change the subject. 

“How is the professor? He didn’t come to the meeting.”

“My father was not feeling well this morning. He’s been updated on the outcomes.”

It’s an answer that is deliberately brief but firm enough not to invite any more questions. It does nothing to reassure him but Hongjoong doesn’t miss the microsecond of sadness that flashes across Doctor Park’s face, it doesn’t linger, few emotions do, and before anything more can be said, the impassive neutral mask is back on. 

“Please let him know I hope he recovers soon.” Hongjoong says.

“I will.” 

“Do you need-“

“We’re fine.”

“Okay.” Hongjoong nods, not pushing the matter. 

The air between them grows awkward, San must sense it because he’s looking between the two adults on either side of him, his prodigious mind no doubt whirring furiously as it tries to figure out the cause.

Not wanting to make it more awkward, Hongjoong stands up abruptly, nearly bumping into Doctor Park, who also stands up abruptly, both clearly having the same idea of ending this conversation but simply walking away. 

“I better get going.”

“So should we. Come on San, time to go home.”

San’s confusion clears enough for a mischievous expression to form on his face. “Can I drive?”

Both adults turn to him in unison. “NO.”

“I know how!” San cries.

Doctor Park rolls his eyes and nudges his adopted brother towards the car park. “Still no.”

“What am I going to do all day?" The teenager whines. "I don’t want to read and study anymore Seonghwa! It's so boring.”

And it’s then that the circus in Hongjoong’s brain spits out a thought he may live to regret. 

“Hey, if you want him to let off some steam, he’s welcome to join me on the farm with my brothers. We’ll be fixing some tractors today and could always use a hand. It might keep him out of trouble for awhile. Give you some peace and quiet?”

Doctor Park stops dead in his tracks, eyes uncertain but thoughtful as he considers the offer, no doubt overthinking about the 14 million possible ways it could all go wrong. Especially when San has just freshly broken a 10 million dollar government machine. 

The young criminal in question perks up like a puppy being offered a walk. 

“Wait, I can drive tractors! I know how. Seonghwa can I go?” 

“You don’t even officially have your driver’s licence yet.” Doctor Park points out. 

“Oh come on, it’s a tractor! You can't even speed in it.”

Hongjoong chooses his next words carefully, not wanting to overstep his boundaries or undermine the doctor’s parenting but if anyone knows a how to depressurise a hyperactive teenage genius, it's him.

“I have about 4 hectares of land out there, plenty of space, even if they crash. The tractors are really old and slow. My brother’s know how to handle themselves around them safely. I’ll be there to watch the whole time. I won’t let him get hurt.”

Doctor Park is silent as he looks from one pilot to the other. It's a piercing and uncomfortable gaze, heavy with both exasperation and adoration as it lands on San.

“Alright fine but I don't trust either of you with machinery right now. I will be coming along to supervise."

[outragedslime]

its been so long since i used tumblr as a kinda diary lol but i would like to ramble about my thoughts more often so i may do it again

thought of the day: its so weird trying to get help for things you struggle with and not getting it because you prepared yourself for that support meeting, and so you "seem capable" and not get that support. ill ramble a little about it under the cut but this is mostly related to autism and employment #pensive #thoughtful

i was diagnosed earlier this year with autism and a large part of my issues relate to social interactions and strong anxiety surrounding them (even posting this is taking a lot out of me, ive stopped posting much other than my art lately because of social anxiety, but im trying to change that). in february i went to a college counsellor to ask for advice on how to get hired because i knew ill get into the situation im in currently, where im jobseeking and unable to get in anywhere because a large part of finding employment especially in the circles relating to my degree is networking and connecting to people.

he didnt really offer anything because "well, you seem to communicate with me today just fine" which 😭 i was so anxious for that meeting and it took me months to schedule it, i prepared for every possibility in my head meticulously so i had a script of what to say. the issue is, in my day to day, i cannot plan this kind of stuff. i dont know how to reach out to employers in a way that is polite and not too much, but still shows my enthusiasm. i dont know how to connect. lately its been stopping me from applying at all. (on that note, i know a "bad" application is better than no application, and ive been trying to apply everywhere. i just think im getting a bit overwhelmed with it now)

ive reached a stage in the job hunt where i honestly feel a little burnt out. i havent sent in a single application in the last 3 days which i feel awful about bc my mom will be expecting an update soon on how the job hunt is going.

its just wild to me how im in this position even though i tried reaching out for the supports to prevent it, but when i did, i "seemed capable" on the day which took many breakdowns to prepare for, so i got a pat on the back and nothing else. i wish i was able to socialise better sfsdgdf not just in employment but in general life too, but yea rn im rly feeling it with the unemployment blues 😩

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

ofmd s2e4 rewatch where i pause to jot down my thoughts and other random shit

it's been a busy week since last thursday and shit's only gonna get busier for me after tomorrow so hopefully i can get through these two episodes out before i go to bed lol!!! anyway once again these posts are just me rambling so i can process the insane amount of information in these episodes and if u want to read them too that's fine.

s2e1, s2e2, s2e3, s2e4, s2e5, s2e6, s2e7, s2e8

rip everyone who wanted homoerotic sword fighting in the gentebeard reunion. have a headbutt as a consolation prize.

obsessed with stede holding raw room-temperature meat against his bruised face bc that's not even a little bit how that works. i love this show.

ok so jim saying "he'll probably get around to killing you after he's rested" in response to stede saying ed needs to regain his strength actually gives some pretty good context to why they want ed of the ship so bad. bc they DID fully try to kill ed and now he's here and alive and like. if i were jim i would be pretty worried abt ed holding a grudge abt that.

wont lie stede being like "we dont just banish people, that's not us!" makes me thinkg abt how they fully banished izzy from the ship in e6. i mean technically izzy banished himself on accident but. lol.

also izzy's absence in this scene indicating he is not yet considered part of the entire crew

roach: i need that steak back, it's dinner stede: (pulling the steak away) oh, right fang: maybe let's put the banishment to a vote? stede: (steak back on his face, apparently having forgotten he was literally just about to give the meat to roach) aw do we have to :(

ed chained to the ship is doing. a lot for me. i wont lie.

buttons saying he's been to the gravy basket a few times... how many times has this man almost died??????

it is deeply funny to me that they edit the split second flashback of the drowning and mermaid hallucination to look all creepy as if that whole scene wasn't set to an incredibly sappy 80's love song (said with immense affection)

OBSESSED with stede trying to be like. encouraging to izzy. and being like "he cant hear you he's got no head" about izzy yelling at the ruined figurehead. this fucking dork.

so ive seen ppl talking abt how the crew's in a deadlock abt banishing ed and which ppl they think were pro-banishment and which were against, but the scenes with the crew make it look like everyone's voting for ed to get kicked out. so tbh i think like either of the following interpretations are pretty valid: the crew is split 50/50 on if they should banish ed OR the crew 100% wants to banish ed and stede was gonna try and leverage izzy's vote to try and get more ppl to change their mind. doesnt rlly matter either way tho

also the fact that izzy was the one to keep ed's body is. interesting. the others must've known abt it and helped izzy hide the body in the secret room. but izzy being the one to be like "no we're not throwing him overboard" is. something. no conclusions abt this atm im just rotating this fact in my brain.

i also just have a lot of thoughts abt the mutiny and the fact that like, jim's a trained assassin and the others are also pretty experienced killers and they probably knew they hadn't completely finished the job. and there was plenty of opportunity for them to do something about that. but instead they hid his body and waited for ed to succumb to his injuries. it feels kinda like ed's "technically i outsource the big job" rule. idk. thoughtssss.

frenchie in this scene is so funny bc he seems both actually apologetic abt kicking ed off the ship but also very relieved/vindicated to see him go.

didnt realize olu almost said smthng to ed lol i thought ed was just saying "fuck you" to him for no reason ghfjkghjkfh

"first time i've ever been on this side of a walk of shame" wee john i have so many questions. how many times have you been banished from a ship.

obsessed with archie just being like "way to make this awkward brah." her shitty boss put her life at risk in an attempt to make her and her coworkers kill him in a weird roundabout suicide attempt and her summary of the situation is "well, this is awkward :/"

"shitty sailing with you" sick burn, jim

"you're making it really hard to look up to you, man" LOVE how black pete is still a blackbeard stan. despite everything.

just ONCE i want someone to appreciate roach's sandwiches :(

"dont you want your sammy" STEDE I WOULD DIE FOR YOU

also i disagree with the subtitles here im like 99% sure says "you're no fuckin mermaid" not "you're not a fuckin mermaid" but that's just me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

stede looks SO sad abt not being a mermaid

love how everyone in this episode just sort of nods and is like "yeah okay" every time buttons tells them he's turning into a bird

altho with stede in this scene specifically im convinced that he's just jumping at the chance to follow ed to the island. he was absolutely gonna come up with some shitty excuse to go ashore anyway but it's nice of buttons to give him plausible deniability

i love how much ed hates nature

why do the subtitles say "gyp-" this has been bothering me all week. the line is "like a drifter"

i also love ed's line delivery of "a wolf?"

anyway dumb posts abt the spider tattoo backstory: 1, 2, 3

i love to see ed getting hugs... wish i could give him a hug :(

ok also buttons talking abt the gravy basket made me think ed needed like some sort of spell or smthng to snap out of it but instead it just kinda wore off by the end of the episode (maybe, depends on how you read the whole buttons turning into a bird scene). this is very funny to me for some reason

anne rubbing the cup she's holding against her tit. queen.

stede bonnet idiot dumbfuck moments

i LOVE anne's line delivery of "eddie motherfuckin teeeeach" like yeah that's cj's girl alright. or was cj's girl. who knows.

SECRET HANDSHAKE im cryinggggg. i love them.

stede's voice sounds so weird when he says "i wasn't looking for you" and that's because he's fucking lying through his teeth

LOVE how anne and mary look at each other after the "shipmates" "former" interaction like they are immediately on the same wavelength. and that wavelength is fucking with ed and his ex. they sniffed out a messy relationship dynamic and were like "oh hell yeah we need more of this in our lives"

ed is SO bitchy this whole scene i fucking love it. ed's face when he says "him?" fdhjksgfjhdgkj

ed: whatever 🙄 anne: whatever? 👀 mary: whatever! 😈

wee john getting more goth is so good

drunk izzy rambling at the ship's figurehead is so funny to me tho i miss drunk izzy

ed's crew lady macbeth "out damned spot" moments

i like how there's a goat in the background of this scene in anne and mary's house and it is unexplained and also never seen again.

ed's face after stede says "that's romance" is soooo good this bitch is so pissed. like oh would you have met me at the docs if i peeled the guard's face off instead of just paying him off? is that what fuckin does it for you???? not that it matters bc i dont care. but. cunt.

yeah im just focusing in on all of ed's faces in this scene. "quite the shift going from wearing people's faces to antique collectors" gets ed to freeze in the middle of bringing his drink up to his lips and just kinda stare off into the distance.

"how did you meet" has ed kind of frowning for a split second before stede starts answering and then he rolls his eyes very dramatically and sighs deeply

ed immediately being like "actually i was gonna kill him myself!" trying to undermine stede's meet-cute story. also anne and mary nodding along in complete unison bc this is just normal pirate conversation to them.

~~~

also as someone who has been team "no ed was dead serious abt the plan to steal stede's identity" this was very vindicating for me. it's a bad plan and it doesn't make any sense but logistics literally dont matter in this show. what matters is giving this story the "falling for the mark" trope makes ed's character arc in season 1 that much tastier!!!!

ed and stede going back and forth telling their story i cant fucking wait until theyre happily together telling this story and instead of ed trying to downplay it and ruin the meet-cute-iness of it they're just building on each other and being sappy and adorable

"more like i relented" one of the biggest lies i've ever heard this man say fjhkgjkfdhk

"until he completely boned it" SAY IT. FUCKING SAY IT. SOOOOO TRUE ED.

auauhghgh the beard bit......... crying

THE!!!!! QUIETEST LITTLE "thank you" OF ALL TIME. TIED MAYBE WITH ED SAYING "thank you" AFTER "i think you're very sophisticated" IN 1.05

i dont blame stede for trying to get ed to open up right after that bc that was the first bone ed's thrown stede's way since he woke up. unfortunately ed is not in the mood to talk abt his near-death experience and mermaid hallucination sequence.

LOVE anne's little gesture when she says "rabbit" and the little hip cocking

stede being like "uhhhh we could leave" during the knifeplay exhibitionism moment

i giggle every time at the way the crew is instantly like "fuck closing our eyes we're doing any fucking surprises"

ngl idgw the crew yelled abt the piñata reveal. but ok

loooove stede's half of the crew just blowing past all the screaming and tension from ed's half. jim screams "STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!!" abt the blindfold and roach is like "you won't want to stay the fuck away from this caaaake!" like roach fdhsjfgdhfjkghkj read the room?????

i love how much stede just. completely misses all of annie's flirting

ed coughing during the blunt session i love himmmmm

ok but ed's trying to be like "im totally over stede i dont even like him" and then ed reminiscing fondly with a distant smile abt the 1.06 stabbing scene

"and that was the... second time you left your wife?" underrated line

love how annie's been all quiet and seductive and then when she goes to make her move she's just like "WOUND THIS" and aggressively sits in stede's lap

also ok. "they're gonna be so jealous" is that annie talking abt ed and mary or is that annie using they/them pronouns for mary.

BUTTONS JUMPSCARE

also i love how they have that one medusa painting just. in their kitchen. im obsessed with the interior decor of this lesbian antique store that annie and mary live in

the way she's so touched by the poisoning attempt hjfgfjksghskjhgjkh

buttons being like "aahhhhhh do i give her... this bowl......????" fhjkghkfsjhk

"yeah, babe" TEALORANGES WIN

im honestly sad izzy's pathetic wet beast moment only really went for like three tiny scenes in one episode bc this shit was so funny to me. crawling away saying "you're born alone you die alone" over and over again. sir what are you even doing.

god buttons in this episode is so fucking funny bc i keep forgetting he's there. also why is he even there. like was he even invited to dinner or did he just sit down and annie and mary were like "oh ok i uh. guess we'll go make another plate??"

ed's face after buttons says the bit abt "i can tell this rabbit was intelligent" is soooo funny why is he so fucking pissed fdhsjkgyjdfkghjk

NO WAIT HE'S PISSED BC THAT WAS HIS FRIEND. THAT WAS HIS FRIEND THE WOLF HE WAS TELLING HIS SECRETS. NOW IM KINDA SAD :(:(:(

stede talking abt the sea when what he's actually talking abt is ed part 2 electric boogaloo

ed very calmly. standing up. and smashing the chair. im obsessed with him.

stede bonnet stupid dumbass moments

IMPROMPTU BLANKET FORT TIME

ed's voice is so quiet at the start of this scene he's not even yelling at stede until stede says "it's not fair" ohhhhhh my babygirl is so fucking sad........

"you ditching me without a note or anything" ed's literacy confirmed

"expecting me to just melt back into your arms" eddie my man. stede has not given literally any indication that he expected this at all. you are telling on yourself fhdjskghfkjshd

this scene is so fucking good i barely have anything to say abt it. just. u can rlly tell david jenkins wrote this ep himself lolll

"i was all in, mate. i was all in." IM SOBBING

oh nooooo i forgot that ed's line delivery of "im sorry my horrible naked chin disgusts you so much" isnt actually as sarcastic as the words itself make it seem. like it feels like ed wanted to say that all angrily and bitter but instead he just sounds sadddddd

ok ok but the way stede says "i love your chin naked or otherwise" and then after a pause (during which ed is keeping INCREDIBLY still bc u know otherwise he's just gonna burst into tearssss) stede whispers "ed" and ed is immediately like "don't" and then. stede going in for the "i love you" but like the way he's so slow with it?? he's literally like "i. love." and idk if it's bc he's trying to make this as clear as possible or if he's giving ed enough time to cut him off if he doesn't want to hear it

and ed DOES he DOES cut him off with "you don't get to say that to me" and he like. keeps glancing at stede out of the corner of his eye but not quite looking at him directly bc he knowwwwws it's like staring into the sun baby and ed knows if he looks at stede's face it's literally all over.

but also ed's face after stede pivots to "i love everything about you" he's SO pissed. he quietly groans and rolls his eyes bc this bitch. finding stupid loopholes to not being allowed to say "i love you." fuck this guy ed hates him so fucking much (lying)

oooooh when stede says "you don't have to say it back to me" ed's mouth opens and closes a bit before "not about to" bc this man is trying. SO hard not to cry (so am i but it's not working sorry there are tears on my face right now)

idk idk idk smthng abt "it's nice. feels good." makes me hurt so fucking bad bc the entire time since ed's woken up stede's been getting headbutted and snarked at passive-aggressively but stede's still like "i love being near you it makes me happy :)" brb i need. a fucking moment.

honestly tho how did annie and mary even overhear that bit bc they were on the other side of the room and stede was whispering SO quietly. opposite of when ppl in this show dont hear things despite the things being said like two feet away from them (1.03 geraldo and jackie talking abt how blackbeard was looking for stede, 2.01 zheng saying the indigo was worth way more than she spent on it)

LOVE how anne being like "stede likes the ladies" is how ed figures out "ohhhh wait ok theyre just fucking with us, got it" bc this guy??? liking women????? lmao

this also HAS to be why he gets over mary like his brain mustve gone "wait hang on why the fuck would he go back to her he doesn't even like women. guess maybe he really did panic huh" hdjksghfckghkjsh

obsessed with these TINY tiny details abt the ed/jack/annie/mary polycule dynamics we're given. ed would've expected as much from annie bc she's a fucking psycho. mary apparently used to not be like this. im putting the pieces together im connecting the dots.

ed and stede's knowing smug looks at each other. im obsessed.

annie being rlly sensitive to the word "bitch" im considering that more hints abt the polycule backstory

yayy fanny newspaper

"really? i mean she stabbed you, you poisoned her, and then she jumped on my face" stede this is all part of their very elaborate and deeply toxic sex life ok stop kinkshaming them

~~~

curious if ed and stede are too distracted by mary spelling out their worst fears to comment on all the smoke coming into the room

"everything must go" like a fucking clearance sale. this is such a silly line. this is a silly show. i love it here.

WHY DONT THEY MAKE OUT SLOPPY STYLE HERE THO

wait are they crying while they hug??? bro these girls are so fucking messy i love them

ed saying "see you guys" before he leaves them in their burning house. i would die for him

ok team arts and craft time while making a prosthetic for izzy. obsessed with how the b plot of this episode is literally "the crew struggles to get along but they eventually set aside their differences and work together when they realize there's someone even more cringe and pathetic than any of them"

"YOU ARE!!! HARASSING A CRIPPLE!!!!!!" is suchhhh a funny line im sorry im gonna miss izzy at his lowest fhsjkhjksf. literally they just knocked on the door my dude calm downnnn

obsessed with izzy being genuinelly touched and expressing it by saying "fucking cocksuckers." this man is allergic to having feelings.

stede and ed painfully talking over each other bc everything is awkward and difficult. i love them.

ed's face when stede offers to let ed stay. his very quiet "yis." the way he says "might be nice" and then VERY QUICKLY looks away

stede yelling GREAT at the top of his lungs fhdsjkguydfgfjkhl

i love when these guys try to play it cool bc theyre so fucking bad at it hgdfgvjfxdkgjjdkkgjhfdkh

stede bonnet dumb idiot moron moments

ed staring off lovinglyyyyyy

buttons jumpscare

also is that fucking sage. are we doing cultural appropriation here

buttons saying "Earth Wind and Fire i wanna go higher" hfjkhgfdjkhgjkh

i love how ed. does not question this "fuck yeah, brother. fly."

ed teach lovesick fool moments

i love how happy ed sounds telling stede abt buttons he sounds like his old goofy self for the first time all season.... im gonna cry

also i like how the crew adopts izzy as their new creature. 10/10

post credits scene is annie and mary at dinner with buttons. i guess it's after stede goes to comfort ed but before they go eavesdrop on that convo.

buttons enjoying his last meal as a human. and also he's like "there's too much fucking on that ship i need to get away from it all." and his way of doing this is becoming a bird. love that.

[imsorryimnotdead]

IM BACK BABES

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

god so much has happened and i barely used tumblr but its getting rly bad again soo.. aw shi here we go again i recently got a boyfriend and he makes me so incredibly happy omg i love him i love him i love him i love him <3 the only problem is that he lives kinda far away so we can only see each other on the weekends and hes gonna start a year long job there soon. i rly hate long distance and even if im not going to school or anything i cant leave this city. i cant leave my dad who i love so much alone with my precious lil doggo. i know im supposed to get independent n shi at my age but we r both stuggling with my moms death a lot. i hate watching my dad fall into depression like i used to many many years ago but i dont know what to do honestly. so we r both silently suffering alone. i get rly depressed when i cant see my bf to the point where i just wanna kms ngl. when hes around i feel like heaven but when hes not i feel even worse than before the relationship EVEN IF HES THE SWEETEST HUMAN BEING ON EARTH im scared im not made for relationships and im gonna hurt him but i also dont wanna loose my precious boy ive been sh free for 1 year n 2 months ish but i rly rly rly rly rly rly REALLY feel like relapsing. i miss the pain i miss the blood i miss the feeling of the cold steel in my skin i miss the adrenaline or whatever was giving me the rush when i did it i miss him i miss my mom i miss my old friends i scared away with being sick i miss not eating i miss throwing up after even the tiniest meals i miss feeling like im not faking it its just one of these days that turn into weeks until i cant take it anymore and finally relapse. i keep finding old blades i hid a long time ago and forgot about lol idk if my old blades r still sharp enough so should i get new ones? maybe i should just try them :P <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

[akaakeis]

HEY HEY HEEEEYYYYYYY bokuto moment

HI SAV<33

first of all shut up and pretend I didn't see ur sideblog posts THE THING IS I LOVE LOVE LOVE SENDING ASKS BUT LIKE I DIDN'T KNOW IF ITD BE FREAKY TO SEND RANDOM ASS ASKS TO YOU EVEN THO I BLEAT IN UR DMS EVERY OTHER SECOND

N E WAYS HIIII im having lunch rn !! IT RAINED SO BAD SO ITS LIKE 5PM AND IM STILL IN MY UNIFORM AND STUFF i had like.. stuff planned on my schedule and stuff :cccccc

dude the way i do NAWT feel like writing at all but also im dying to get yns pov in the first chapter like PICK A FUCKING SIDE OMFG literally had to pause writing this to think

TODAY I CORRECTED THE ENGLISH TEACHERS GRAMMAR IT WAS SO FUNNY LIKE I WAS WRITING AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS HUGE ASS WHITEBOARD SO I WAS KNEELING ON THE GROUND AND SHE GOES TO CORRECT SOMEONE'S (ALREADY CORRECT) GRAMMAR AND I LOOK UP TO HER LIKE UH NO THAT'S RIGHT ACTUALLY AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN QUESTION IT JUST TOOK IT LIKE A CHAMP??? LIKE GIRL WHEN EVEN U KNOW UR WRONG????

THE SENTENCE WAS monica went to her grandmother's house for summer vacation AND SHE MADE IT WEIRDER SOUNDING "during vacation" LIKE GIRL NO??????????? sorry for ranting god im such a hater

AND LIKE THESE FUCKASS TEACHERS WONT SEE MY TEXTS (i love them) BUT THE EXACT SECOND I PULL UP TO THEM AT SCHOOL IM GETTING MY CHEEKS TUGGED AT LIKE "oh em gee alina u did such a great job we r sooo proud of u" DIE. AND IM SO SCARED CUZ IM NOT STUDYING PROPERLY OR ENOUGH I THINK AND MY SCHEDULE IS SO FREAKY AND WEIRD AND THE !! RAIN !! EW 🤮🤢🤮🤢 not that i hate the rain, it just conveniently happens NOT when im at home ready to go to school, but rather otw to school or otw home so i'm just late everywhere. also MY WATER BOTTLE DISAPPEARED?? AND THERES A GIRL W THIEVING TENDENCIES IN CLASS LIKE IM NOT POINTING FINGERS BUT BUT BUUUUUUUT um. ANWYAYS I SAW A SUBMERGED MOTORCYCLE AND ALSO MY CHEM TEACHER TAKING PICS OF THE FLOOD LIKE WTF HE WANT THEM FOR "look wife im not cheating im actually trapped in school"

dude.. biceps r so..... like... kuroo... IM LOWK A KUROO ENTHUSIAST HE IS SO YUMMY LIKE U JUST KNOW HED LET U BITE IT (my intrusive thoughts r like. if he existed irl. nom nom time) NOT EVEN IN A SEXUAL WAY BTW I JUST NEED A CHOMP

ANYWAYS I FOUND OUT LIKE RN THAT I GOT 77/90 IN PAPER 1 AND 95/110 IN PAPER 2 OF BANGLA AND I ONLY GOT AN A* BECAUSE OF THE THRESHOLD (171) LIKE WHAAAT. (I GOT 172)

ITS 5:18PM RN AND IM GNA TAKE THE FASTEST FUCKING SHOWER OF MY ENTIRE LIKE CUZ MY HAIR GREASY ASF AND ITS SO EW AND THEN ILL DO CHEM NOTES HASHTAG STUDYING TRUST ME ! ! !

ANYWAYS last anyways of the day HRU MY BABY POOKIE PIE DARLING SWEETHEART POPEYES MUFFIN CUPCAKE HONEYPIE POPSICLE POOKIEBRO HOW WAS UR SLEEP HOW WAS UR YESTERDAY HOW IS UR LIFE WHATS GOING ON AND ALSO ALSO ALSO i forget give me a sec um erm ueueue OH I GOT IT I ABSOLUTELY ADORE U FOR READING ALL OF THE THINGS I SEND U LIKE!!!!! SHIRRJSKSKSOKSKS ILY okbye!!

HEY LINA!!

yeah im gonna act like u didnt see that sideblog post bc i SAID i wasnt trying to hint at anyone... AND NO THATS NOT FREAKY?? idk man i send in asks to ness like every day bc i think its fun to talk that way!! paragraph asks are genuinely so fun to receive!! ALSO USING THE WORD BLEAT IS CRAZY YOU R NOT BLEATING IN MY DMS

omg i hope you had a good lunch!! im answering this like an hour later so i assume u already finished? idk its weird that we're 12 hrs apart 😭 AND NOOO THATS AWFUL :(( sorry to hear that love :( hopefully the rain didn't flood any area and you and your fam are all good!!

HELP THATS SUCH A REAL FEELING i was battling with that yesterday so bad omf... i feel like sometimes we can attach somewhat negative connotations w writing bc sometimes it can feel like a chore? so sometimes it's a struggle to get up and decide to write? maybe thats js me but like yeah 😓 BUT GENUINELY SO EXCITED FOR YOUR APOCALYPSE AU!! ITS BEEN AMAZING SO FAR!! AND ANYTHING IVE READ FOR IT MAKES ME WANT TO LET OUT AUDIBLE SOBS ‼️ that sounds negative but i feel like you get why i want to LIKE GOOD GRIEF anyway write whenever you feel like it!! dont force it <3

THERES NO WAY??? PLEASE THATS SO FUNNY TO ME 😭 I LOVE THAT SHE DIDNT EVEN QUESTION IT OMG? YOU PROBABLY SPEAK MUCH MORE FLUENTLY THAN HER ANYWAY LMAOAOAO BUT PROUD OF YOU!!

okay like maybe im stupid but i feel like both of those sentences make sense? like "monica went to her grandmother's house for summer vacation" makes sense but so does "monica went to her grandmother's house during vacation" it's just that it doesn't specify whether it's during summer vacation so it can sound awkward ig?? idk man ive been stuck reading old english for the last couple of days bc of the hobbit (I DESPISE THAT BOOK IT CAN GO DIE) sigh

HELP?? I MEAN IM SO HAPPY YOURE GETTING GOOD GRADES THO!! AS LONG AS YOURE ABLE TO STUDY JUST ENOUGH SO THAT YOURE CONFIDENT IN THE TOPIC THEN I THINK YOURE GOOD HONESTLY 😨 and the rain sounds like its out to get u thats wild??? PLEASE im not pointing my finger at anyone... im just agreeing here... there's a chance 😭 having classmates with tendencies to steal is such a pain in the ass tho i hope you're able to retrieve your water bottle!! AND HELP I LOVE THE WAY YOU DUBBED THAT "im not cheating im actually stuck in school" had me giggling sm

HELLO? BITING KUROO'S BICEP IS INSANE (but lowkey i would too VERY LOWKEY because i feel like im not super attracted to big biceps and stuff idk?? but just a little chomp 😋😋)

WHATATATAT AT LEAST YOU GOT A* THOUGH ‼️ GOOD JOB!!!

AAA ENJOY YOUR SHOWER! I HOPE IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER!! AND YES WE LOVE A RESPONSIBLE STUDIOUS GIRL 😋

AND IM ACTUALLY DOING GOOD MY POOKIE WOOKIE SUGAR PLUM COOKIE BROWNIE PUMPKIN PIE HONEY LOML (i laughed an obscene amount while writing that)!! TODAY IM GONNA BE SUPER BUSY.. I HAVE SPEECH AND DEBATE AFTER MY SCHOOL DAY IS OVER AND THEN I HAVE VOLLEYBALL PRACTICE UNTIL... 7 PM???? I THINK???? GOD. AND I SLEPT SUPER DUPER WELL I WOKE UP RLY COZY IN MY BED AND IM STILL HUDDLED UP IN HERE LMAOAOAO 😭 YESTERDAY WAS GOOD!! I DIDNT HAVE ANYTHING I NEEDED TO DO SO I GOT TO CHILL AT HOME AND LISTEN TO MUSIC AND LITTLE PODCASTS (i listen to the bit my tongue podcast by nailea devora SOOO MUCH) AND AWHAGSHHA LINA!! I ADORE EVERYTHING YOU WRITE AND ANYTHING YOU SEND TO ME!! ILL ALWAYS MAKE TIME TO READ SOMETHING YOU SEND ME!! ILY!! <3

[megabuild]

this was like a five minute doodle just to get the concept down but ive been thinkin about greggory..

obvious full disclaimer him being more human shaped is inspired by qsmp fanarts ofc. pushes that out of the way

ive talked a little about nl!olipix here and here but tldr oli ""dies"" at the end of empires and runs away and leaves olipelago to greggory. pixelle gets nothing in his will btw which he doesnt really care about on like a physical level because hes more upset about his boyfriend fucking dying but there is a part that stings that hes not even mentioned in the will despite them being so close he feels a little like oh so did that not mean anything to you.. but thags his issue.

the most immediate problem is that greggory is like not competent enough to live alone or maintain the olipelago. sorry. he's still in his shell at this point and like six months old tops he's baby. pixelle was already lowkey his parent because he babysat and hung out with oli a lot so it sort of happens naturally.. plus as a dragon its honestly a bit more like a slightly higher maintenance cat. who can breathe fire once hes out of the shell a couple months down the line. thats scary.

pix wraps up work on the ancient capital and moves back to the city to continue his previous job but things don't work out for .. various reasons. he's literally still like part ghost. but when he moves he takes greggory with him ofc because like he can't leave him alone... pix doesn't actually like children he was really bad with hermes but gregg grows on him. maybe in part because he's not really a child he's a dragon like i said. until. har har.

at about a year old greggory starts mimicking the humans around him a lot better than he was before. like. he starts walking on two legs. and at first pixelle is like lol how cute and then he seriouses because oh shit what the fuck raising dragons is sort of not really that common especially not in this sort of environment. on the rare occasions they've been tamed before they've been wiled beasts and this is an ender dragon which is nigh unheard of. (Violet from arc 1 still exists but is a very difficult and separate case that doesn't apply.) so suddenly instead of a little kittycat this thang is trying to walk and grab things with his little claw hands and vocalising (he doesn't have vocal chords capable of human speech but he does little grunts and stuff it's cute.) pixelle is equal parts fascinated from a scholarly pov but also like oh my god i am not qualified at all for this what the fuuuck

this is the point that makes pixelle sit up and go ok i need to unghost myself because i cant. raise my weird son like this. (his entire ghost thing is a weird metaphor for depression and trauma and grief because all the ghosts in aoyuer are about that. so yea) and then him and greggory go do that and its a whole thing i wont get into but it leads into him entering the land that new life is set in and meeting oli again who he had kind of figured out was alive and was trying to track down but didnt expect it to happen here. and so begins their divorce arc

fun notes though: pixelle calls greggory omelette sometimes as a cute nickname! he suggested that as a name when he was still in his egg. sort of mean. also since gregg can't speak english pix learns and then teaches him sign language ^_^ at the start of new life / arc 3 he's only a basic communicator but can get his point across usually.

oli is by no means a bad dad he's just not a great one either. it's clear he tries very hard and he does love gregg. part of the reason he leaves him is BECAUSE he loves him and he recognises he's not really able to raise him and it would be unfair to drag him along wherever he plans on going post empires... but that doesn't make it right etc etc. Hes aware of that too and feels generally awful about the whole thing... His and greggorys relationship is weird and strained at the start but he tries by god does he try. And they make it work eventually. They have to get through the horrors first though.