#i feel like a little kid in an adult body

[cottoncandybitchfuck]

Misfit and Magic quotes I like

“Real people aren’t tropes, though.” -Evan Kelmp

“You don’t have to like it. You get the cards you get, but I just want to say that if there’s a part of you somewhere that likes that stuff somewhere, the world would actually be a better place if people were singing songs and shooting pink magic everywhere. That’s a good world.” -Evan

“Jammer was doing you all a favor by explaining to you that you really shouldn’t mess with us. Jammer doesn't need a wand to kick your ass. I've fought adults in gas station parking lots with no magic. Like if Axelby wants to start some shit, I won't need, my eyes won't go black. I'll just actually stomp his ass to the ground. I know you're all British private school kids but I'm not here to fuck around and none of my friends are." -Evan

“Whenever I just honestly report the facts of my life people get emotional.” Evan

“It is completely unacceptable to ask someone to pre-promise their emotional reaction to information that they don't know what the content of it is. I'm gonna have the reaction that is appropriate to whatever you tell me.” Evan 

“If I was just acting selfishly, I would still want this. I would still just want to be normal. I would still just want to be normal.” 

“I don't want you to feel like you only have bad options. I feel like you are a soul that's only ever known bad options. This is a school, weird though it may be for a reason, and the things that have happened to you, the things that happen around you, they don't have to define you. You can learn to control them. And maybe it takes a little extra work, but you can control it, if you want. You can stay if you want.”- Stitchnit

‘Not everything is about being happy. Sometimes it's about the team.” Evan

“This is what's on the inside. And it's hard to cover this up.” -Evan

“I've been afraid for a lot of my life.” -Evan

“I don't want to be just a trapdoor for something terrible that's gonna pop up from time to time for things that you have to body.” Evan

"I'm okay being magic. I can help my friends." Evan

“I don't think bad students behave badly if they're not getting the go ahead from bad teachers.” Evan

"For prestige? People care about you." Evan

“Are you a shotgun or scalpel right now” Aabria

[andre-and-cal]

waiter give me caldre headcanons

Sigh I read Walter instead of waiter…

But bone apple teeth and eat up pookstah !! I hope that I did okay with these ones ‘cause I’m not trans but wanted these to feel realistic for my trans pookies,, so I did my best :3

I didn’t get to proofread that much so I’m sawry if there r mistakes…. 😿🙏

Caldre Headcanons

SFW

Transmasc Calvin !! Despite Andre’s curiosity toward him, he still accepts him for who he is, no matter his identity. It took Andre a little to get adjusted to referring to Cal as a male, and he did seem a little judgmental at first with the wording of his questions. Sometimes Andre can come off kinda rude when he doesn’t mean to. However, he wasn’t being judgmental, as he was trying to learn more so that Cal felt comfortable with him. And once Andre got the hang of it, he quickly realized that he doesn’t care about who Cal is— to elaborate, he doesn’t care about how Cal identifies, he cares about his presence. Not anyone else’s presence, just the Calvin Gabriel he met and quickly grew close to in middle school. After all, he feels like Cal is all he has left in the world, so the last thing he really cares about is Cal’s gender or orientation. Though, Cal struggles with dysphoria and a bit of discrimination— especially with it being the years 2000-2001. Kids were still a lot meaner and less accepting of queer people, so he faces issues with some bullying. Many of his peers shun him for being transgender, so as a result, Cal’s already quite low self-esteem plummeted. At times, he doesn’t really feel comfortable in his body. He feels like he just wants to crawl his way out of his skin in order to rid himself of the bothersome ruminating thoughts he deals with. But he tries to ignore the negativity and brush it off until it all bottles up— for which he seeks out that reassurance from Andre, wanting to be sure that the feminine features present on his body are okay. Which, they are, of course, and Andre tries to encourage him of this fact, even if briefly. Now, Cal isn’t as open about his dysphoria with Rachel, but he does talk about it with her sometimes.

Andre seems stern and stoic around other people, but he’s a lot different when it comes to Cal. With the promises they’d made to each other in the past, Andre’s constantly surveying Cal, especially when Brad or other dudes at school are being a dick to them both— but Andre often takes little to no notice of himself at times, frequently exhibiting intense defensiveness toward their bullies when they bother them because he just wants to make sure Cal is okay. His demeanor does impact how other people see him, with many of his peers seeing him as “having a short fuse” or “strange”. Andre knows Cal can very well handle himself. He’s not a baby, after all— he’s practically an adult now, and Andre tries to tell himself that, yet he can’t help but worry about him, even when he doesn’t need to worry. There’s just that little voice in the back of his head that prompts him to get a little bossy around Cal sometimes. Brad Huff calls Andre “Cal’s abusive boyfriend” in an insulting manner when Andre sticks up for him, which embarrasses and enrages him. Everybody thinks him and Cal aren’t dating, even though they are. Cal will kinda stay quiet, maybe mutter something sharp-tongued in response, but he doesn’t want to get Andre’s ass beaten. Andre’s own anxiety for Calvin causes Andre to kind of project onto him with irritability and frustration, even though he doesn’t truly mean it— he just wants to know Calvin is safe, that’s all. But he doesn’t know how to express that care healthily at times because he struggles with communicating his feelings.

Cal helps Andre with his homework sometimes, and Andre does the same. Andre tends to get annoyed when Cal doesn’t understand something after he explained it multiple times, or when he gets distracted and loses focus frequently due to his ADHD. Telling him to “get his head out of his ass”. He also organizes his folders and throws out loose papers for him since Cal is definitely an unorganized guy. But Andre doesn’t realize how much help he is for Cal, ‘cause he tends to do well on his quiz, test, or exam within a few weeks, even though Andre has to organize his shit for him once every few weeks. Now, Calvin’s approach when he helps Andre with his homework is a little different, but just as effective. He explains things for a while ‘cause he kind of gets into the whole “teaching” thing, and Andre tends to get bored, but still somehow taking in some of the information. But this is mainly because Cal helps Andre chunk his notes. Cal initially suggested that Andre be a tutor, but Andre brushed off his suggestion, not wanting to have to work with younger kids or potentially his peers at school. But since Andre already has his job at the pizza parlor, Cal decided to become a tutor instead. He makes some good money with it, but gets a little impatient with his tutees, like how he does with Andre.

Andre lightly baby talks Mel. Cal makes fun of him for it, sarcastically saying it’s not very “soldierly” of him to express his fondness toward his cat, as if he doesn’t do the same to Mel. Cal knows he’s a hypocrite but doesn’t dare admit it, he’ll just silently sink down to the floor beside Mel to play with her and give her attention. Andre has no shame in showing Mel love and attention, because he’s seen Cal get all wrapped up in cat heaven when Mel lays on him and makes biscuits on his lap. Even before Cal and Andre started dating, Andre casually referred to Cal as Mel’s “daddy” sometimes, and then himself as “papa”. Andre’s crush was well-hidden, but not covered up completely. He still does this, but now the confirmation that Cal is Mel’s second “father” remains unspoken yet understood by both boys, so Andre constantly calls him and Cal her “dads”.

In their gym class, some boys intentionally target Andre and Cal— especially if they’re playing an outdoor activity. When playing soccer, they’ll kick soccer balls toward the two of them— Cal has good reflexes, so he can usually can dodge the ball when he sees it coming— but Andre will get hit in the face and fall on his ass. He feels embarrassed and enraged when it happens, and one time he even got a bloody nose— so Cal took him to the clinic and cleaned it up for him, though he effectively hid his internal rage toward the boys for doing that. However, Cal usually gets hit in the chest when they’re playing football or basketball, and it knocks the wind out of his lungs. Andre doesn’t really say anything, knowing that doing so will just get him further taunted or pushed around, so he just shuts his mouth and helps Cal up— even though he’s seething inside.

Andre gets cold at night, while Cal gets hot. Andre gets real whiny when he’s half-asleep and when Cal pulls away from him at night, since Cal is kind of like a little heater for him while he sleeps. But Calvin gets sweaty, and pulling the sheets off is uncomfortable for him, so he tries to untangle himself from Andre— though Andre subconsciously tightens his arms around Cal to pull him a little closer to his chest. In the morning, Cal’s drenched in sweat, with his blond locks sticking to his face, so he has to blow his fan right on himself. He doesn’t really get all that hot during the cold winter months of the year 2000.

Cal likes to cuddle. Andre does, too, but he pretends it doesn’t really bother him that much. Cal likes to lie on Andre’s chest while Andre holds him. Other times, when Andre is spooning him, but they both wake up in the most uncomfortable positions, so they have to rub each other’s necks and backs after LMAO.

Andre always says “C’mere” before he kisses Cal. He also lets out small, content sighs when they’re in bed together or cuddling on the couch. Cal likes hearing Andre’s grunts and noises. It kind of gives him cuteness aggression, so he has to squish his cheeks.

Despite the good moments they do have together, though, they’re both extremely unstable, demented teenage boys. They argue a lot, and their fights get real heated, sometimes leading to physical altercations between them. Neither Andre nor Cal see domestic violence as a bad thing. Andre sees it as a way to get his anger out, and Cal sees it as a way to “teach Andre a lesson”. They bicker and grow hostile toward one another when they’re alone together, and their more worse arguments tend to be about upcoming Zero Day, among various other stupid shit. Andre and Cal get angry easily, and hold equal amounts of rage toward their peers at Iroquois, but it comes out differently for both of them. Yet even though they think they’re alone when they set each other off and become aggressive, Mel— Andre’s cat— is often sitting off to the side, like on Andre’s windowsill, watching the two. She doesn’t really understand what’s going on, with her being a small animal and all, but she does sense negative energy.

Adding on previously, Cal is a gaslighter. Whenever Andre tries to be civil with him and tell him about the things he does that piss him off, Cal doesn’t want to admit when he’s wrong. He asks Andre things like, “When?” Or “I didn’t do that,”. Sometimes it honestly makes Andre question himself, even when he knows he’s right deep down.

NSFW

Handling guns are awfully romantic. Sometimes Calvin and Andre will fuck in Andre’s car, after going out and shooting guns in the woods— excluding Chris, obviously. Chris is the one who has the guns, so Andre uses his dad’s guns when Chris isn’t available for Andre and Calvin to use his guns. When it’s just him and Cal, Andre likes to find a way to show his appreciation for Cal— since he doesn’t really say it that much, besides on Zero Day during their little intimate exchange, of course. But uhHh, sometimes Andre gets a sick sense of arousal when he sees Cal shoot. The way his hands clench around the grip, the way his eyebrows are knitted together in concentration— Cal isn’t normally one to wear tank tops, especially when he’s experiencing symptoms of his dysphoria, but he knows Andre won’t judge him, so he wears tanks when it’s them alone, since it does show off a little bit of his body. He wears these kinds of shirts most notably when they’re out in the woods shooting guns. Andre doesn’t have any shame in subtly checking Cal out, but he gets embarrassed and defensive when he catches him doing so. Moving forward with my point, all of this combined kind of— no, really turns Andre on. Andre doesn’t prefer having sex out in the woods, with the excuse that “the birds are watching them”; he prefers the privacy of his car. Cal really enjoys riding Andre, ‘cause he can feel the head of Andre’s cock grinding up against his folds, and then Andre can feel how wet he is for him.

Andre is a sucker for Cal’s little clit. He calls it a “button” because that was the first thing he thought of when he first saw Cal’s vagina. Cal found it cute, ‘cause he’d never really seen it that way— and it made him feel a little better about himself, therefore Andre continued calling Cal’s clit a “button”. Andre likes to lap at Cal’s pussy and suck on his button�� he loves the taste of him, and plus, it essentially serves as a lubricant, which helps Andre when he gets to have his “alone time” with Cal. When Andre first started eating Calvin out, he was a bit sloppy and clumsy with his technique— after all, he’d never dated anyone before, so he was just as inexperienced as Cal was. They both learned along the way, and eventually Andre was able to get Cal to scream his name— after all, one of Cal’s favorite things is the feeling of Andre’s mouth on his pussy.

Cal essentially taught Andre how to eat pussy; Andre essentially taught Cal how to suck dick. Calvin helped Andre find his sweetest spots whenever he went down on him, and once he found those areas by tonguing his cunt alone, Cal cried out in pleasure. Now, with Andre, he helped guide Cal’s mouth down onto his member— the first time Cal blew Andre, of course. The mere sensation alone nearly made Andre spill his seed into Cal’s mouth, and Cal couldn’t even take him that deep down his throat yet. But after more practice— Cal thinks this is embarrassing, and he never wanted to admit it to Andre, but he tried to “reduce” his gag reflex by sticking popsicles and bananas down his throat when he was alone— he was able to take Andre nearly to his tonsils.

Andre likes to squish and knead Cal’s breasts when he isn’t wearing bandages around his chest. Cal frequently wraps bandages around his chest to conceal and flatten his breasts. He never told anyone besides Andre and Rachel, but even with Rachel he was hesitant, anxious about her reaction— yet when she responded in an accepting, caring manner, he felt better. Anyhow, Cal takes them off when he’s alone or when him and Andre are about to get intimate together. When Andre gets to see Cal’s breasts, he’s like a mutt in heat. His hormones affect him a lot, and seeing Cal’s body is kind of like eye candy. He doesn’t really show it much, but he truly admires Calvin’s body, and sometimes when Cal’s changing, he’ll let Andre touch his breasts, even though he was initially repulsed at the idea. Not at Andre, but to his own body. Andre didn’t see his fears as that big of a deal, admittedly he’d never really known why Cal was so self-conscious. But he’d seen Cal’s body in Cal’s own eyes; he doesn’t understand his dysphoria all that well. Nonetheless, Cal is now more open to the idea of Andre touching his chest, because he likes how it makes him feel. He likes how Andre makes him feel, and it honestly makes him wet when he feels his rough thumb pads gently rubbing his nipples, hands squeezing and rubbing his mounds. Andre had heard that breasts were sensitive, so he tried to be as gentle as possible. Cal’s nipples are quite erogenous and stimulating.

When Cal sits on Andre’s lap, it’s kind of a 50/50 chance of Andre getting hard LMAO. The first time this happened— Cal was trying to watch Andre play DOOM on his computer, and so he went and sat down on his lap, but accidentally sat down right on Andre’s dick. Andre tried to ignore the feeling of Cal’s ass against his growing bulge, but eventually Calvin found out. He didn’t know what to do at first, but since Andre wasn’t mentioning his… predicament, Cal decided to test it out by intentionally shifting around on his lap. And Andre’s erection only grew more painful, so he subtly placed his hand on Cal’s inner thigh and squeezed, trying to tell him to stop without actually saying anything. Unfortunately, though, Cal didn’t fucking listen. So Andre had mumbled in his ear, “Fucking stop that, you spiteful bastard,”. That made Cal stop for a moment, but then he’d replied, “Control yourself, then,” but his words held no malice— and he had a shit-eating grin on his face; he knew what he was doing. This really pushed Andre’s buttons, so he hissed out in his ear, “It’s not my fault you sat on it!” Which— essentially is true, but Cal still ended up responding with, “Aim your game, man,”. And then, right after Andre retorted, “I’ll aim it into you,” things got pretty heated between them. Andre wanted to touch Cal so fucking badly. He wanted those pink lips wrapped around his shaft. He wanted to hear Cal whimper. He wanted to hear him cry. He wanted to hear him suffocate. He’d never felt this way about anyone before, at least not this intensely— and his parents had always told him in the past that he’d find the right person for him. Which, he did, back in the sixth grade when he’d met Calvin. Before Andre started liking Cal, he was convinced he’d never find anyone and that he’d fuck everything up even if he tried. But he didn’t. Not this time. Going back to my point, though, Andre had stuck his hand down Cal’s pants, roughly rubbing him through his panties ‘till he got all wet for him— though, Andre wasn’t really all that great with masturbating Cal for him, either. So he was kind of fumbling until he was able to shove his hand inside his panties and start rubbing his slick folds… pinching his little clit between his fingers, too. With his free hand, he let go of his mouse and moved it up, slapping his palm over Cal’s mouth while grinding up into his ass. Their pleasured pants and grunts combined delightfully, and Andre leaned down to whimper against Cal’s ear. With all of that alone, Andre was able to get himself off even by dry humping Cal— and Cal, of course, came all over his fingers.

Andre likes to squeeze Cal’s ass when he’s facing away from him. Not necessarily in a playful way, or even in a suggestive manner, but instead as a silent way to show his appreciation for him. Like mentioned previously, Andre isn’t good with words, and he doesn’t like to be all sappy and shit like a normal guy would be— and Cal knows that. He isn’t really sappy either, but he is a bit more affectionate than Andre generally is. It kind of startles Cal when Andre caresses his ass cheek, but he doesn’t complain. He likes having Andre’s hands all over him.

Cal enjoys getting kissed on the neck. Not due to sexual stimulation, but because of how warm and giddy it makes him feel inside— mainly because Andre isn’t overly affectionate, especially not in public. It makes him feel genuinely happy— which is kind of a rare thing for him— when Andre gives him little neck and jaw kisses, or when he feels Andre snake his arms around him. Cal does like to spoon Andre as well, though, but he doesn’t return the neck kisses because he knows Andre does get quite aroused due to some areas on his neck. When Cal wants to have a rather nice, tender moment with Andre, he doesn’t kiss or suck at his neck. Instead, he nuzzles him. During sex, though, he likes to bite Andre and litter his neck in kisses and hickeys.

Andre never knew how much he liked to see Cal bloody until he walked in on him cutting himself. One night, at Calvin’s house, him and Andre were arguing, so Cal stormed off in what Andre could assume was an act out of pettiness or spite, so Andre just lingered in Cal’s room instead of going after him. He kind of snooped around and messed with his stuff out of curiosity until he heard some faint cries coming from down the hall. Which, Andre followed the noises and saw that the bathroom door was shut, and he saw the light on. Without knocking, he barged into the bathroom and saw that Cal had been cutting himself and reopening small, past scars. Andre wanted to feel horrible— well, believe me, he did, but in a different way. He got hard at the sight of Cal’s bloodied forearms and upper arms, and he felt extremely guilty as a result. He wanted to feel sick, to genuinely comfort him in the best way he could… the only way he knew how to. But he couldn’t, he liked it. But he forced himself to ignore his erection, no matter how distracting it was, and he ended up just helping him patch up his arms, scolding him for his actions.

But eventually, out of the blue, Cal asked if Andre could cut him. Andre didn’t want to, initially, for the shame practically ate him up at the idea. However, eventually, he gave in— and after he’d chopped up the skin on Cal’s arms, he scooped up some of his thin blood on his fingertips and shoved it into Cal’s mouth, forcing him to taste himself. The other hand went to his cock, and he palmed himself as he watched Cal suck on his fingers. Afterward, he’d stuck his hand down into Cal’s jeans, and he penetrated his pussy with his bloodstained fingertips. Then, Cal— with his hands rather bloody, undid Andre’s pants and jerked him off for him, then wrapped his lips around his cock, so that when Andre came, his lips had traces of both his own blood, and also Andre’s cum.

[kayharrisons]

No grave can hold my body down, I'll crawl home to her [BJORN X READER] [18+] [1 OF ??]

The Victor of the 24th Annual Hunger Games.

A/N: AND HERE WE GO!! The first chapter!!!! This is a Bjorn heavy chapter, but don't worry, reader will appear next chapter!! This is p short but it's MOSTLY just to establish Bjorn in this world. Bjorn is ab 17 here!

Chapter warnings: death, gore, starvation, unpleasant vibes between minors and adults, violence

"Ladies and Gentlemen, from District 12, Bjorn Henriksen, the winner of the 24th Annual Hunger Games!"

Bjorn drops the metal pipe with a clatter, staring down at the bashed in face of the District 3 male tribute. He staggers to his feet, spitting out a glob of blood as he distantly hears Lucky Flickerman making his announcements, his cheerful voice fading to nothing but a mere buzzing in his ears as he stares down at the mess of flesh, what used to be a 15 year old's face.

He chokes back his vomit, wiping his bloody hands against his grimy t-shirt.

It's not his first kill.

That boy used to be someone. He had a family, friends, a life.

Bjorn had taken all of that from him.

He hadn't wanted to, had fully intended on waiting the kid out, on keeping to himself.

Both he and 3 had been forced to the Cornocopia by these... spider like creatures. They were strange in appearance, and Bjorn knew he'd be seeing them in his sleep for the foreseeable. If he even got any sleep ever again.

3's face turning to mulch beneath his hands. 7's face going a horrible shade of purple as he sobbed and kept the pipe pressed over her throat. The life leaving 2's eyes as Bjorn shoved the broken pipe end through his throat.

Navarro's lifeless eyes staring at him, accusatory, it was his fault she'd been speared through the heart, why hadn't he been paying more attention? Why had he let her die? Why hadn't he paid more attention to the District 2 tribute? Maybe then it would be Navarro standing here and not HIM?

What would you have to say? Were you watching the Games? Or could you not bear to watch your boyfriend go through such horrors?

He doesn't know which is worse, truth be told. You watching him kill, watching him at his lowest, watching him starve and sob and lose himself. Or you not watching at all and finding things out second hand, him having to explain everything he's done to you.

It's not long before he's picked up by the Capital, before they tut and shake their heads over every bruise, every cut, his hollow cheeks, his longer hair, the stubble growing on his face.

Three weeks he'd been in there.

Three weeks.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

"We'll get all of this fixed up in no time, Mr Henriksen!" One of the medical professionals says oh so cheerily to him as he sits on a hospital bed, vacantly staring straight ahead of him. "Such a handsome face," she coos, reaching out and taking his chin between her thumb and pointer finger, turning his face this way and that. "Bet you've got your own little fanclub now, lucky boy. You'll have your pick of the litter!"

"I just wanna go home." he whispers, voice cracking. He wanted out of here. Wanted away from these sickly sweet voices, the fake smiles, the bright obnoxious colours and patterns that were starting to become a staple here in the Capital.

He longed for you. Your sincerity, your warmth. He longed for the biting cold air of 12. Longed for those parties the Covey threw, now that their music had been banned, it had become more of an underground thing lest any Peacekeepers attention be caught. Longed for shitty beer and warm bread fresh from the bakery. Longed for the thick, dense woods that surrounded his district, for the secret gap in the fence that didn't get electricity to it that meant freedom, however brief.

His summers had been spent laughing by the lake with his family, with you curled into his side, ever since you'd both turned fourteen and acknowledged the feelings creeping up on you both, taking root like a stubborn plant that refused to be plucked.

His chest ached, for it was absent its heart. It resided firmly in 12, with you, right where it belonged.

"Eventually, handsome," the woman waves him off, picking up a pair of scissors and getting to work on his hair. "You've gotta give your last interview, first! And get the honour of President Snow crowning you the winner, oh, imagine!"

Honour.

Bile rises, which he struggles to force back down. He focuses on the sound of the scissors snipping at his hair, closes his eyes and breathes.

Soon.

He'll be home soon.

[i-torment-my-favs]

I didn't exactly want this fic associated with my main (it's anon for a reason), so I decided to mention this on my side blog. I recently wrote a vent fic regarding the clones' lack of medical autonomy (medical trauma sucks ya'll) called "Just a Medical Procedure", and while Chapter 1 doesn't touch on this as much, I talk a lot more about this exact subject in Chapter 2 (yet to finish, but you've inspired me to continue it).

I mainly used it as a vent fic and since it felt like something that could actually happen, but I'm now starting to really think about just how little medical autonomy the clones have and the types of long term psychological effects it could have.

(TW: Gonna talk a bit about medical trauma)

The fic isn't exactly a metaphor for things like SA (as it was directly based on a real life traumatic medical experience I had as a child), but one thing that is common for those who have said procedure as young children is that they will later show certain signs of CSA, even if they haven't actually been a victim of it. While it is not the same thing, to the mind of a small child, the effect will often be similar.

It is confusing and scary and often painful/uncomfortable, and you feel like you have not control over your own body. Many who have trauma from the experience have even mentioned being held down by adults. It can feel violating and invasive. And that can be the case for many who have gone through traumatic medical procedures. Though it may not always be sexual in nature, it can involve things like the insides of someone's body, areas that feel unnatural for someone to touch. It's a bit complicated, but there are a lot of feelings there that result in feeling inherently violated, especially if the procedure was supposed to alter something.

I've talked about it with others who went through the same procedure as kids a came out traumatized by it, and one thing I've thought about as I reflect on this is that the brain has a very weird response to certain kinds of trauma, including this particular kind involving invasive medical procedures. I don't actually see as many fics diving into the medical/experimentation side of things in regards to Kamino trauma. I think it could be kind of interesting to explore the effects medical trauma have on people.

In a lot of fiction where they do non-consentual body modifications, there is a lot of angst and whatnot that is okay. But I never really thought about it in a more realistic sense, or it didn't feel very real, at least. Just more angst. However, the more I think about it, the more I realize the parallels between that and certain types of medical trauma. I mean, I went through a medical procedure that I technically consented to, but wasn't really old enough to fully consent to or understand what was happening.

I think it could be interesting to see it from that angle, especially since that seems pretty realistic for the clones' situation. A lot of the feels I went through/am going through in relation to this make me relate to the clones in a weird way. I think it could be fun to read more fics related to clone medical trauma and its effects in an almost more realistic way, since the feelings that can come from that are often weird and unexpected. I mean, a lot of the people who went through what I have have expressed having weird symptoms/side effects as a result.

I'd honestly love to see more of that kind of stuff.

One thing I always find both funny and sad to see in SW TCW fics is the clones not realizing just how fucked up their childhoods and current treatment is. Like, they'll be reminiscing on childhood memories and it'll be the most fucked up stuff you've ever heard in your life, and they'll all be laughing about it without a care in the world as their Jedi looks at them in horror.

I literally read a fic earlier where the first chapter is Rex telling Anakin he's a natural blonde and apologizing for it, saying that he understands if Anakin wants him to be decommissioned, and Anakin immediately loses his shit at the implications. He spends a good portion of the chapter trying to explain to Rex why the Kaminoan eugenics stuff is bad, while Rex is just kind of standing there like "???"

It's all incredibly sad, but also weirdly funny to see the clones be so chill about it while the Jedi are incredibly disturbed and concerned.

[aropride]

anyone else feel like people expect them to be way better at being alive than they actually are. like i feel like people expect me to know more about how the world works and be able to do more things and have more skills but i just . dont . like does anyone else feel completely underprepared and inadequate at being a human person with no clue how to begin to learn everything youre lacking or even what youre lacking in the first place. you know

[sergle]

I really really REALLY enjoy when Hugo gets to meet people/kids and gets petted. It's fun for me to just stand back and watch, especially since he'll happily let kids get all up in his face.

[softest-butch]

i started reading the vampire armand. btw

[deusexlachina]

It goes right back to what I see as the central theme that you can't just decide to have a cultural post-everything blank slate: the Vertumna Group tried to flee Earth and its self-destructive systems, only to carry those same systems with them because they're part of the same culture.

And so you get every single one of the Strato children coming right back to Earth ideologies organically, not because capitalism is inevitable but because the adults still cling to capitalistic, hierarchical logics. You can see some of it in Nem, and some of it in Cal and Tammy's relationship, but most of all you see it in Marz and Tangent.

Marz

Early in the game, Marz gets the idea to game the kudos system, trading kudos around freely. Tammy sees something wrong with this - kudos are supposed to be doled out for labour and used at the store. This is Marz's first step towards recreating Earth capitalism, the greatest threat identified by the Vertumna Group.

But! Marz didn't get the idea simply because she's greedy or literally shameless. Kudos already operate on a capitalistic logic. They're like money because they are money, invented by people who grew up spending money. And so you get Marz able to afford more luxuries than the other kids, not because she works more, but because her family can get more kudos. She's not playing the system, she's recognizing its true nature.

The government allows this obvious inequality, because everyone gets food, kudos are just for luxuries - but "luxuries" includes everything from dessert to musical instruments to incredibly useful cybernetic devices like the Brain Trainer to accessibility tools like a fidget spinner. And, in the "election," Seeq demands a bribe in the form of kudos, which is completely incoherent unless kudos are already being used as money. It's the same shit from different assholes!

Tangent

Tangent lives in a constant, hellish cycle of always needing to work. She fixed her body's failings one time with a genetic sex change. But she wants to fix it again by removing the parts of her that aren't productive or rational. I think this is why she shaves her head despite not seeming proud of this choice or wanting to talk about it - her hair, even the feeling of it, reminds her of her humanity, her frailty.

She's desperate to prove to herself that she has a Good Brain because her mom had a Bad Brain and that killed her. And her only metric of a Good Brain happens to be, ultimately, productivity. Where did she learn that from? Probably her de facto mother Instance, one of the last defectors to Vertumna (and thus the most entrenched in capitalistic culture).

Unlike Marzipan, Tangent never has any ideological commitment to capitalism. And yet she internalizes some of its worst ideas, being the single most accomplished scientist in the colony and still hating herself, because she still needs to sleep, even for minutes.

A lot of Tangent's worst excesses seem to come from not being able to just sleep on it. Older Tangent discusses a plan to totally control human reproduction, being terrified that the colony will become inbred. This is projection - she thinks she has Bad Genes, and she can't sleep on that, so it gets bigger and bigger in her mind until she's willing to take extreme measures to "fix" the problem. This plan never comes to fruition, because what the fuck, literally nobody wants this. Eugenics is just one more terrible Earth idea that made its way through the wormhole.

In her best ending - where she doesn't work on the plague and does reconcile with her brother - she contributes her genetic material to the colony, implicitly rejecting that she has Bad Genes. This is the only ending in which she does so. At the same time, she becomes the colony's first psychiatrist, finding high-tech solutions for mental illness.

Because - as she knew even as a little girl - biology never has to have the last word on your life.

...Y'know I wonder how I Missed the capitalistic "You have to work every day to have value" undertones that Tangent and her augmentation holds when I was first playing?

[llatimeria]

processed some trauma i think

[opens-up-4-nobody]

I desperately need to be a scene kid for Halloween this year

[moregraceful]

Mostly still talking about this to help normalize and de-stigmatize using accommodations like this as an adult bc I think sometimes we think oh I'm a grown ass adult that's not for me...but truthfully there's never a reason not to at least ask. I was talking to some friends and they were like, oh we did not know that was available for everyone!

We were at the Lehigh Valley Phantoms game at PPL Arena and they mentioned they have a sensory quiet space, which got me curious if the Wells Fargo also had sensory accommodations. I am not autistic and will not be discussing the various things going horribly wrong in my brain at all times but I have a tendency to try to pack too many games into one week and ends up completely hitting a wall by the end of the set of games and either vacate planet earth for several hours if not days or just like am so miserable the entire time that I'm unable to enjoy what's going on. And I'm not what one might call situationally aware but at this point in my life I'm usually able to be like, okay so if I got to three hockey games in three days and two of those games involve very long drives at night, including one on the NJ tollpike, I will probably be feeling a little wacked out by Monday. But I didn't want to miss any of the game if I didn't have to because tickets were expensive and I miss my Sharkies violently, so I went digging for more info.

The Farg's website said they had a whole sensory room for people who are feeling overwhelmed and said it was for everyone! So I went to check it out during first intermission because I was very much about to start experiencing full body horrors. I figure at worst they say it's for kids and I have to go find a quieter spot to dissociate in and just hope I get back on my feet before the second period (which I have done before and it was not. fun lol.) I found guest services and they just gave me a wrist band and directions. Everyone I had to interact with was very respectful and kind, if treating me a little bit like a ticking time bomb, but I think when you're in your 30s looking harrowed while advocating politely for yourself, it's really like oh this guy Needs it. There was a guest services person set up in front of the room and I'm guessing it's bc the room is on the suite level and they need to make sure it's like people who need to use the room for its intended purposes and not drunk adults goofing off. But it was very quiet and calm inside, I think they did some sound dampening and with a white noise machine + that deeply hilarious sensory wall and a bunch of fidget/stim-type stuff on the walls to play with as well as other toys on shelves. I was there bc I needed quiet space so I spent all of the time I was there sitting on the floor staring at an orange water feature on the wall, but I imagine for kids or adults who need fidget toys it's probably a dream.

Very calming in there and I did NOT miss the rest of the game or have to experience the horrors so it was a success overall! I missed three minutes of the second period just trying to get back to our seats but I'll take three minutes over 45 minutes, which has happened before lmao. I will almost certainly end up there again bc I will absolutely end up trying to pack 3 games in 5 days again at some point lol.

I don't really have a concluding thought, I think it's basically like...Just Ask...what's the worst they can do. I think most people following me are adults and porn bots so it's like, yes we can handle our shit but also if there are accommodations available that explicitly say they're open to everyone, just ask yk. At worst they say no and probably we have all ways of dealing with whatever we're going through or we just grit our teeth and white knuckle it through shrockey. But I feel like people pretty often do want to help you if they can so it never hurts to at least find out what's available.

And then I got this sick ass wristband giving me VIP access to a water feature lmao

I would do anything for the Sharks, including driving close to 4 hours round trip to tell Eetu Mäkiniemi, an ex-prospect, we love him and driving close to 3.5 hours round trip to Newark the next day to see the Sharks but I do think today is the day I end up seeing if they let adults who are not autistic into the sensory room to meditate at the Farg lmao

[spokelseskladden]

When i was like 12 i used to read those self insert fics where fans gets transported into the world they're a fan of, like either through the isekai method, or like a portal or astral projection idk. Anyway, i started reading Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint and it scratched that itch 12 year old me created, like hell yeah normal regular guy, get some cool powers and hang out with the characters you love, go off king. Also look out for the horrors

[llumimoon]

Dose Dot age or do the oaks just pass them down from generation to generation like an antique vase? 

HELPPP ANTIQUE VASE THATS SO FUNNY

Ok I think physically Dot doesn’t age until they decide they want to and then it’s a lil family thing where everyone goes out into the backyard and they help build Dot a new body ANSGEGAHAHAHA eventually she DOES have a young adult body that he sticks with for the rest of history. Kinda like that weird great aunt/uncle that’s just been there for AGES for the Oaks. She generally considers himself to be siblings w/ Normal and Hero though when thinking abt themself on the family tree.

In actuality Dot isn’t even mentally as young as I draw them. He is mentally abt 13ish I think, (since the Doodler in the current timeline represents the Teenage Experience), but the point of the body is for her to experience a normal human childhood. Like after the pretty traumatic first years of it’s life, sometimes they just wanna regress and be taken care of, you know? Age is SO WEIRD for eldritch gods anyways. So sometimes Dot acts like a little kid, and sometimes she suddenly gets very aware, knowing, and a little sassy.

Honestly I think the years that they spend in the young kid body spans the time that the teens are in high school. After that, they’ve emotionally healed and have grown to know a lot more about what it means to be a person, and he’s ready to move on to a teenage form that’s more accurate to it’s mental age. Maybe she even tries going to school.

[robinsnest2111]

winx club number 1 comfort media to me when I was a weird preteen and was ugly and was acting strange and all my peers hated me and bullied me and shunned me and my friends dropped me because of signs of mental illness and no one knew how to handle me, least of all myself ✌

[tyrantwombat]

PEEAAAAACE. baby you're back.

lol his perception on Han Yoojin is great. He finds Gnosi and the first thing he thinks is 'this creature HURT father? and father did not then smite it in just vengeance????' HE KNOWS WHO YOU ARE HAN YOOJIN. HE KNOWS. Only second does he think 'And Han Yoohyun ALSO did not absolutely murderize this thing???? ...father must have a plan.'

Peace knows what's up.

[dovedrangeas]

if i die before my mom i am going to leave her something very insulting in my will i think.