#i feel like I'm going to reread this and want to add other stuff

[confessedlyfannish]

Writing Prompt #12

Bruce is reading the paper when the pour of Tim's coffee goes abruptly quiet. It would be hard to pinpoint why this is disturbing if it wasn't for the way the soft, tinny sound the vent system in the manor makes cuts out for the first time since being updated in the 90s. The pour, Bruce realizes, has not slowed to a trickle before stopping. It has simply stopped. And there is no overeager clack of a the mug against the marble counter or the uncouth first slurp (nor muttered apology at Alfred's scolding look) immediately following the end of the pour.

Bruce fights the instinct to use all of his senses to investigate, and instead keeps his eyes on the byline of the article detailing the latest set of microearthquakes to hit the midwest in the last week. Microearthquakes aren't an unusual occurrence and aren't noticeable by human standards, which is why this article is regulated to page seven, but from several hundred a day worldwide to several hundred a day solely in the East North Central States, seismologists are baffled.

Bruce had been considering sending Superman to investigate under the guise of a Daily Planet article requested by Bruce Wayne (Wayne Industries does have an offshoot factory in the area) when everything had stopped twenty seconds ago. That is what he assumes has happened (having not moved a muscle to confirm) in the amount of time he assumes has passed. His million dollar Rolex does not quite audibly tick but in the absolute silence it should be heard, which confirms the silence to be exactly that—absolute.

While Bruce can hold his breath with the best of the Olympian swimmers, he has never accounted for a need to remain without blinking without being able to move one's eyes. Rotating the eyeballs will maintain lubrication such that one could go without blinking for up to ten minutes. But staring at the byline fixedly, he estimates another twenty seconds before tears start to form.

These are the thoughts Bruce distracts himself with, because he doesn't dare consider how Tim and Alfred haven't made a (living) sound in the past forty-five seconds. About Damian, packing his bag upstairs for school after a morning walk with Titus that was "just pushing it, Master Damian".

There is a knife to his right, if memory serves (it does). In the next five seconds—

"Your wards and guardian are fine, Mr. Wayne," the deepest voice Bruce has ever heard intones. For a dizzying moment, it is hard to pinpoint the location of the voice, for it comes from everywhere—like the chiming of a clocktower whilst inside the tower, so overpowering he is cocooned in its volume.

But it is not spoken loudly, just calmly, and when he puts the paper down, folds it, and looks to his right, a blue man sits in Dick's chair.

He wears a three piece suit made entirely of hues of violet, tie included. He has a black brooch in the shape of a cogwheel pinned to his chest pocket, a simple chain clipped to his lapel. Black leather gloves delicately thumb Bruce's watch (no longer on his wrist, somewhere between second 45 and 46 it has stopped being on his wrist), admiring it.

"You'll forgive me," the man says with surety. "Clocks are rather my thing, and this is an impressive piece." He turns it over and reveals the 'M. Brando' roughly scratched into the silver back. He frowns.

"What a shame," he says, placing it face side up on the table.

"Most would consider that the watch's most valuable characteristic." Bruce says, voice steady, hands neatly folded before him. Two inches from the knife. To his left, there is an open doorway to the kitchen. If he turns his head, he might be able to get a glance of Tim or Alfred.

He doesn't look away from the man.

"It is the arrogance of man," the man says, raising red eyes (sclera and all) to Bruce, "to think they can make their mark on time."

"...Is that supposed to be considered so literally?" Bruce asks, with a light smile he does not mean.

The man smiles lightly back, eyes crinkling at the corners. He looks to be in his mid thirties, clean-shaven. His skin is a dull blue, his hair a shock of white, and a jagged scar runs through one eye and curving down the side of his cheek, an even darker, rawer shade of blue-purple.

The man turns the watch back over and taps at the engraving. "Let me ask you this," he says. "When we deface a work of art, does it become part of the art? Does it add to its intrinsic meaning?"

Bruce forces his shoulders to shrug. "It's arbitrary," he says. "A teenager inscribes his name on the wall of an Ancient Egyptian temple and his parents are forced to publicly apologize. But runic inscriptions are found on the Hagia Sophia that equate to an errant Viking guard having inscribed 'Halfdan was here' and we consider it an artifact of a time in which the Byzantine Empire had established an alliance with the Norse and converted vikings to Christianity."

"The vikings were as errant as the teenager," the man says, "in my experience." He leans back in his chair. "I suppose you could say the difference is time. When time passes, we start to think of things as artistic, or historical. We find the beauty in even the rubble, or at least we find necessity in the destruction..."

He offers Bruce the watch. After a moment, Bruce takes it.

"The problem, Mr. Wayne, is that time does not pass for me. I see it all as it was, as it is, as it ever will be, at all times. There is no refuge from the horror or comfort in that one day..." he closes his hand, the leather squeaking. And then his face smooths out, the brief severity gone. He regards Bruce calmly.

"You can look left, Mr. Wayne."

Bruce looks left. Framed by the doorway, Tim looks like a photograph caught in time. A stream of coffee escapes the spout of the stainless steel pot he prefers over the Breville in the name of expediency, frozen as it makes its way to the thermos proclaiming BITCH I MIGHTWING. Tim regards his task with a face of mindless concentration, mouth slack, lashes in dark relief against his pale skin as he looks down at the mug. Behind him, Bruce can see Alfred's hand outstretched towards the refrigerator handle, equally and terrifyingly still.

"My name is Clockwork," the man says. "I have other names, ones you undoubtedly know, but this one will be bestowed upon me from the mouth of a child I cherish, and so I favor it above all else. I am the Keeper of Time."

"What do you want from me?" Bruce asks, shedding Wayne for Batman in the time it takes to meet Clockwork's eyes. The man acknowledges the change with a greeting nod.

"In a few days time, you will send Superman to the Midwest to investigate the unusual seismic activity. By then, it will be too late, the activity will be gone. They will have already muzzled him."

"Him."

"There is a boy with the power to rule the realm I come from. Your government has been watching him. The day he turned 18, they took him from his family and hid him away. I want you to retrieve him. I want you to do it today."

"Why me?"

"His parents do not have the resources you do, both as Batman and Bruce Wayne. You will dismantle the organization that is keen on keeping him imprisoned, and you will offer him a scholarship to the local University. You and yours will keep him safe within Gotham until he is able to take his place as my King."

This is a lot of information to take in, even for Bruce. The idea that there could be a boy powerful enough to rule over this (god, his mind whispers) entity and that somehow, he has slipped under all of their radars is as frustrating as it is overwhelming. But although Clockwork has seemed willing to converse, he doesn't know how many more questions he will get.

"You have the power to stop time," he decides on, "why don't you rescue him? Would he not be better suited with you and your people?"

"Within every monarchy, there is a court," Clockwork. "Mine will be unhappy with the choice I have made," he looks at Bruce's watch, head cocked. "In different worlds, they call you the Dark Knight. This will be your chance to serve before a True King."

Bruce bristles. "I bow to no one."

"You'll all serve him, one day," Clockwork says, patiently. "He is the ruler of realms where all souls go, new and old. When you finally take refuge, he will be your sanctuary." He frowns. "But your government rejects the idea of gods. All they know is he is other. Not human. Not meta. A weapon."

"A weapon you want me to bring to my city."

"I believe you call one of your weapons 'Clark', do you not?" Clockwork asks idly. "But you misunderstand me. They seek to weaponize him. He is not restrained for your safety, but for their gain."

"And if I don't take him?" Bruce asks, because a) Clockwork has implied he will be at the very least impeded, at worst destroyed over this, and b) he never did quite learn not to poke the bear. "You won't be around if I decide he's better off with the government."

"You will," Clockwork says, with the same certainty he's wielded this entire conversation. "Not because he is a child, though he is, nor because you are good, though you are, nor even because it is better power be close at hand than afar.

"I have told you my court will be unhappy with me. In truth, there are others who also defend the King. Together we will destroy the access to our world not long after this conversation. The court will be unable to touch him, but neither will we as we face the repercussions for our actions. I am telling you this, because in a timeline where I do not, you think I will be there to protect him. And so when he is in danger, even subconsciously, you choose to save him last, or not at all. And that is the wrong choice.

"So cement it in your head, Bruce Wayne," the man says, "You will go to him because I tell you to. And you will keep him safe until he is ready to return to us. He will find no safety net in me. So you will make the right choice, no matter the cost."

"Or, when our worlds connect again, and they will," his voice now echoes in triplicate with the voices of the many, the young, the old, Tim, Bruce's mother, Barry Allen, Bruce's own voice, "I will not be the only one who comes for you."

"Now," he says, producing a Wayne Industries branded BIC pen. "I will tell you the location the boy is being kept, and then I would like my medallion back, please. In that order."

Bruce glances down and sees a golden talisman, attached to a black ribbon that is draped haphazardly around the neck of his bathrobe, so light (too light, he still should have—) he has not felt its weight until this moment.

Bruce flips the paper over, takes the pen, and jots down the coordinates the being rattles off over the face of a senator. By his calculation, they do correspond with a location in the midwest.

"You will find him on B6. Take a left down the hallway and he will be in the third room down, the one with a reinforced steel door. Take Mr. Kent and Mr. Grayson with you, and when you leave take the staircase at the end of the hallway, not the elevator."

The man gets up, dusts off his impeccably clean pants, and offers him a hand to shake.

"We will not meet again for some time, Mr. Wayne."

Bruce looks at the creature, stands, and shakes his hand. It feels like nothing. The Keeper of Time sighs, although nothing has been said.

"Ask your question, Mr. Wayne."

"I have more than one."

"You do," Clockwork says. "But I have heard them all, and so they are one. Please ask, or I will not be inclined to answer it."

"What does this boy mean for the future, that you are willing to sacrifice yourself for him?"

There is a pause.

"So that is the one," Clockwork says, after a time. "Yes. I see. I should resolve this, I suppose."

"Resolve what?"

"It is not his future I mean to protect," the man says. "It is his present."

"You want to keep him safe now..." Bruce says, but he's not sure what the being is trying to say.

"I am not inclined," Clockwork repeats, stops. His expression turns solemn, red eyes widening. In their reflection, Bruce can see something. A rush of movement too quick to make heads or tails of, like playing fast forward on a videotape. "Superman reports no signs of unusual seismic activity. With nothing further to look into, you let it go in favor of other investigative pursuits. You do not find him, as you are not meant to. He stays there. His family, his friends, they cannot find him. His captors tell him they have moved on. He does not believe them, until he does. He stays there. He stays there until he is strong enough to save himself."

Clockwork speaks stiffly, rattling off the chain of events as if reading a Justice League debrief. "He is King. He will always be King. He is strong, and good, and compassionate, and he is great for my people because yours have betrayed his trust beyond repair. He throws himself into being the best to ever Be, because there is nothing Left for him otherwise. We love him. We love him. We love him. My King. Forevermore."

The red film in his eyes stall out, and Bruce is forced to look away from how bright the image is, barely making out a silhouette before they dull back to their regular red.

"I am not inclined," Clockwork says slowly, "To this future."

"Because of what it means in the present," Bruce finishes for him. "They're not just imprisoning him, are they."

"They will have already muzzled him."

Clockworks is right in front of him faster than he can process, fist gripping the medallion at his neck so tight he now feels the ribbon digging into his skin.

"Unlike you, Mr. Wayne," and for the first time, the god is angry, and the image of it will haunt Bruce for the rest of his life, "I do not believe in building a better future on the back of a broken child."

"Find him," the deity orders, and yanks the necklace so hard the ribbon rips—

Clack!

"sluuuuurp!"

"Master Timothy, honestly!"

"Sorry Alfred!"

[feyd-meowtha]

@middlingmay's Fic Rec Questions

I saw this list and thought it would be fun to give it a go!!

1) Fic that's made you laugh the most

He May Be The Reason by @c-goldthorn. It's a Clegan Notting Hill au and it makes me squeal with delight. So cute that I got distracted while reading it and missed my stop on the train.

2) A fic that made you cry

my kingdom for a kiss upon your shoulder by pillar of our community @swifty-fox. I'm sure most ppl have probably read this one but it's such an amazing post-show continuation that really doesn't pull it's punches when it comes to both PTSD and the realities of being gay in the 40s

3) Fave comfort, silly fic

It's a little rogue but I'm gonna say Awake, Alive by the wonderful @whirlpool-blogs. It's a pet sematary au so not exactly what you would call traditionally comforting but the ending makes me so happy and the whole thing is just a joy. The fact that this came to mind when I thought 'comfort fic' is probably pretty telling about me as a person....

4) The fic that made you try a genre or trope that you don't usually read

This is also a bit rogue but it was tricky since I'll read anything, so I'll go with Strings of the Strings of Life by the lovely @weimarweekly, not because of any of the content but because I don't, as a general rule, read Dune fic that was written after Dune 2 released. I've bored everyone to tears with my complaints about that version of Feyd but it is what it is so I tend not to like any fics written about that version of the character BUT the prospect of a feydpaul Berlin techno au was too delicious to resist and the whole fic is so fun. It makes me miss Germany sooo bad.

5) An author who has inspired your own fic writing

This one has got to go to the anonymous author of both Close And Yet Closer and The Replacement. Both of these fics are god tier and their character psychology and willingness to allow their versions of the characters and relationships to be ugly and messy are so inspiring to me. They were also the first person in the John/Hausman tag on ao3 which is currently just me and them. I think about the replacement all the time and it was a HUGE influence on 3am Eternal. If I can ever write half as well as them I will die happy.

6) What are your fave underdog authors? Those that you feel are underappreciated and deserve a bit more love

Hmmm, this is kinda hard cus the MOTA fandom is pretty small so I feel like a lot of stuff gets decent buzz. Imma shout out @whirlpool-blogs again and especially their fucked up clegans fics, I have read and reread all of their works and they're always so so good. I will also add @steeseman for Up In Our Bedroom. It's another great post-canon fic and while it has a lot of hits, I don't think I've seen anyone talking about it on here.

7) What's one thing you wish writers/readers did more of when it comes to fanfiction.

The obvious one is comment, it really does make my day when I get a nice comment, even just a couple words or an emoji mean a lot. The other thing I would say is writing curt/Kenny fic, there's not much out there and I want more please. Also more fics where characters relationships are like genuinely kind of fucked up and toxic. I love that shit.

8) What's one thing you wish writers/readers did less of when it comes to fanfiction.

Oh man, I really do not know. The only thing I can think of is that I hate the word 'yap' or 'yapping' so if I see it in a fic I shudder. Hmmmm, I guess I also wish that there was a little more consideration when writing Gale's dad as an alcoholic because it's often treated as the basis for him being a shitty person. Addicts aren't automatically bad people and I sometimes feel like it's portrayed that way. @blixabargelds wrote an excellent post on this

9) I'm adding an extra one and that is current WIPs I am reading

Sympathy For The Devil by @blixabargelds, it's a modern ghost hunting AU and the set up is AMAZING. I will also throw Superstar in here even though it's not releasing main story chapters yet, everything Frankie writes is so tailored to my personal tastes it's crazy and I am so excited to read @mildharm's John POV chapters too. Literally foaming at the mouth thinking about it rn. When it starts being released fully, I fear it may kill me.

Love Song From A Dog and The Heart Is A Muscle by @swifty-fox. I've only just started THIAM but I'm so hyped for their take on the tattoo shop/flower shop au.

Hit Me Where The Heart Is by @london-cowboy makes me legitimately insane. I jump for joy whenever there is a new update, these versions of the characters and their stories are, as Paris Hilton would say, beyond. I do not have the words to say how much I am loving this fic. The characters and setting feel so real and it's just so creative. AMAZING.

I need to get around to starting let us not desert one another; we are an injured body and also the time skip fic whose name escapes me by @irregularcollapse and also catching up with @weimarweekly's rodeo fic, Looking For Eight

Writing this was very fun and I encourage anyone reading to give it a go if they fancy it!!

[fisheito]

🤔thoughts about chp 16😎

the absolute audacity of making huey hot

he could have been older lookin or surprisinglynot a beautiful twink

he could have been [WHAMMO!!] exact same face as rin and eiden (THREE CHEERS FOR REUSABLE ASSETS YEEPHIEPPHYURRAY!!!!!!!) and that would have been deliriously funny to me but, ok, fair enough, deliriouslyfunnytome is probably not the tone they're going for in this chapter

wouldn't it SUCK to be rin? imagine being born and IMMEDIATELY burdened with immense knowledge.

that's tOO much. baby wants to nap, not desperately hope for the eventual happiness of my literal other half in an unknown dimension

my thoughts about rin before were: dang, u a creepy lil guy!! ok!! don't know what your deal is!!!!!!!

my thoughts about rin now (not much different): dang, u a creepy lil guy!! but you got some weirdly altruistic (definition very very confusing here. is it really altruism if it's still sortabout you?) ultimate goal as your Deal!!! well, at least i feel safe in knowing that you do NOT aCTUALLY want to mind merge with eiden! you just want his happiness????

inevitably i'm going to go back and reread every chapter just to read the rin monologues with my Refreshed Knowledge

pretty sure he'll be consistent in his "i just wish for brother's happiness" but of course it makes sense that he's going about it in a way that NO ONE ELSE understands

to be fair there's not a lot of precedent . so. it's not like. this is a common situation that everyone would understand immediately

except for GARU, EVIDENTLY

*holding up the puppy to the skies* BEST PUPPY!!!!! UNDERSTANDING, FULL OF EMPATHY PUPPY!!!!! KING OF BEFRIENDING EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DISPENSES KNOWLEDGE AND WISDOM WITHOUT JUDGEMENT ! OR EXPECTATION!

maybe a little expectation. but you wouldn't want to crush those expectations though, would you? who would want to let down the puppy?????? those BIG OL EYES.....

actually, if garu has the scary piercing blue eyes of a husky i might reconsider. that would be a little menacing. intimidating, and suspicious, even.

will have to make sure garu's eyes are JUST the right shade of blue in my drawings to not reach the Scary Piercing Threshold.

eiden cries, and i cry

eiden suffers, and i suffer

i am taking eiden into my tiny arms and embracing him but for a second because i know safety cannot be found in my hold

and also because the little brat is stubborn and has Tasks to complete that he will noT abandon, especially when everyone's happiness is at stake

god, he really is just the Definition of Essence and Life Force. So full of vibrant, punchy life........

EIDEN I LOVE U

i know you'll beat this JRPG and come out victorious on a path not predetermined by God and Plotlines

you're genre-savvy, right? you've played plenty of those games, right? the ultimatum gives u 2 options

and everyone else is falling to despair

but you, the fourthwall-shattering protag, will do things the way YOU want

and that will somehow be enough to twistturn the world's rules around you

you WILL be happy

and you WILL keep your harem safe

you'll probably even add to your harem (+1 rin)

he's really like, you are an Entity separate from Me and i want you to be You

Rin be like ??? ?????? ???????? ?? ? ? ????????????????

(Huey's skill at following orders was genetically inherited and overcame any potential budding source of Selfhood. Eiden will have to work to instill that)

the ILLUSTRATIONS AT THE ENDWITH ALL THE CLAN MEMBER FIRST MEETINGS ARFOISWEDJFJIKDASKJDLDFLS

i saw those and was all "OMG! FREE ILLUSTRATIONS!!!!! *grabbing them like i'm at an AYCE dumpster dive"

i mean. technically the rest of this stuff outside those specific drawings is Free but. you know what i mean.

i did not expect NEW ASSETS and PRETTY PICTURES uwahahahahah!!!! excellent!!!!!

i heard the "can u like, not treat me like a sack of potatoes plsthx" as soon as i saw quincy's first meeting piC LOL too memorable. potato sack eiden beloved

thank u to the artists for finally making that pose Canon for yakumo (i have been imagining him defaulting to that distressed princess on the ground pose , but could never quite materialise it. BUT NOW!!!! IT EXISTS!!! FOR FREE!!!!!!!!!!)

eiden with oli like LOL I'M KIDNAPPING YOU and oli going o! um, ! sure ok! (edmond screaming NO in the background)

still mad about pretty huey, 4 paragraphs later

have i ever talked about huey? i don't think i have

well, now that he's relevant to the current topic! i always thought Huey was just Some Guy

as in, no real malice or grand benevolence. he just had hella power and a job to do

even making contracts with the original clan members, i couldn't imagine him... forcing them into it, or being some sort of Big Bad?

they just described him as a sort of... curious explorer sort of deal. making pumpkin candies, trying to figure out essence trinkets, observing people and yokai. Just a Dude.

i felt sorta vindicated that the Huey Reveal indeed showed that he didn't have some great emotional instinct driving him to do everything he did

he was following (Divvine lolol) orders and trying to make sense of the world while he was doing so

when he was trying to understand why aster and morv would be so attached to him, an empty sorta vessel, and how he wished they would find solace in each other's company instead

yeah, i feel that

i was also really scared during his regeneration that. somehow. the regen would only be complete by eating up eiden's soul or smth

but. he just. regenerated. on his own. like some messed up starfish

no eiden-eating required.

i guess that's god power for ya

a relief, for sure!!!!!!

and the Formatting of his memories? yeah, a failsafe sort of measure. makes sense. Emotion really DOES get in the way a lot of the time

eternally doomed to just. do a thing. for the sake of the world. and not really feel anything about it. what an existence

immortality? COUNT ME OUT

i ,too, would not be averse to turning into dust

yes me getting really sad at the flashback to the Great Serpent

pretty sure that was the Great Serpent we saw making a bond with huey, right?

he must have lost his beloved wife by then :( he must have been so sad and lonely.... but still have some stupid kindness in him that wanted to protec otheers......

which is why he was like. well. i aint doing much with my stupid amounts of power these days. and i'm highkey depressed. you're saying that you're running around the world doing things for the greater good? and it'll protect the living creatures?? the yokai who are unfairly punched in the fface by mean people (who may or may not be humans)?? yeah ok can you take my ear

currently imagining huey as an accidental charity canvasser. he somehow ended up at the Great Serpent's doorstep, talking about his life's mission

and the Great Serpent went, "i want to subsidise your mission. take my money (power) and at least that way SOMEONE will make good use of it"

then he went to rot in his makeshift tomb for the rest of his mortal life , staring at the missing other half of his BFF pendant

huey continues his journey, unaffected, neutral as ever

once again, i warred between my two sides:

they made huey yaoiable!!! to the MASSES

(because ANYTHIN is yaoiable if you are powerful enough. but mass-appeal yaoiable? with the generic appealing twink aesthetic? that's a dangerous game you're playin)

ASEXUAL HUEY WIN

eiden rin and huey all sitting together having a sleepover

eiden going, really? you didn't think of fucking them?? NOT EVEN ONCE?

huey: that did not occur to me as a potential course of action, no.

rin: wait. what's sex. like, actually????

(actually now i'm wondering. if rin inherited all of huey's brain wisdom database, would he have knowledge of sex only in the intellectual sense? like blade? with the "i read that in a book" vibe? MAYB!E!!!!!!!)

the huey portrait reveal: one of the first things i saw was his sleeves

and it immediately made me think of kuya

because wasn't past kuya wearing his R outfit? just a short sleeve sorta deal?

imaginign that kuya with his gigantic admiration boner for huey , sees those sleeves at their first meeting and is all

hell YEAH those are some NOICE LOOKIN, FASHIONABLE SLEEVES

i'm stealing those

*starts incorporating the sleeves in his everyday outfit*

and, now, the kuya we all know today. with his fancy flowery poofy sleeves,,,,, turns out it was huey imitation

]][laughing, pointing mmy finger at peepaw

also grateful that when kuya and rei were about to throw down (again), blade accidentally intervenes

it's like a toddler , witnessing two wretched adults having a dispute, and his Pure Wisdom interrupts with impeccable timing

damn! sounds like those messed up people in my book when they don't know how to cope! wow ! what a couple of textbook cases of poor emotional regulation!

kuya: *deep inhale, withdraws his flaming fingers*

for real i expected kuya to barge into the cave at any moment during the huey reunion

yelling "WHERE'S THAT WHORE"

(not spoken outloud: -WHO ABANDONED ME")

i guess he didn't get to do that after all

understandable why he was upsetti spaegheti

ddidi they really end the chapter with everyone's eiden senses tingling across the continent?!??!

like things are blowing up and catching fire and flooding and natural disasters amok

the elemental spirits are throwing a tantrum

dante in a business meeting with the worst most illogical entity of his life (fire spirits who have spontaneously withdrawn their protective support for no obvious reason)

for real during this whole ordeal i was stressed about all the clan members who weren't there

were they stuck with this unexplainable dread?? like they just were paralysed with the Bad Feel but didn't know how to fix it??

would they feel bad for not being able to protect eiden, or at least see his state???

then i saw that they each had horrible, pressing matters to attend to on their own and that somehow cheered me up

because, at least they're able to DO something positive for their immediate environment. they're not just sad maidens waiting for their husband to come back from the war

they got they own problems to deal with

and there are plenty of problems.....

is yakumo seriously refusing to kill the invading monsters, and only hitting them harder each time (nonlethally) so they'll get the message and leave the village alone????? buddy, i don't know if that's really the most effective--

is olivine back on 25/8 altar regulation duty where he sleeps in 6-second intervals while standing up and forgetting to eat??????????? i mean. at least this time he has his clergy to help him so THANK GOD (lol) that he won't just pass out and die on his own. therew ill be others to throw food at him and idk. at least catch his body with a soft blankie if he crumples to the ground every now and then 😭

holding aster and morvay like!!!! HOW MUCH EMOTIONAL CATHARSIS ARE THEY *NOT* GETTING FROM THIS????

to see huey passed out like snow white in the dark crystal cavern,, then not get to talk to him,,,, then seeing him disintegrate after having Master Eiden stare unblinking at him for several minutes and its justs/????? THEER IS TOO MUCH TO PROCESS

this whole time morv was scared to have eiden in the same place as huey and rin...

so rin must have explained things to morv, and morv was terrified because he didn't want the mind merge to happen.....

but that means both rin and morv thoguht of the merge as an inevitability the SECOND eiden sees huey

hmm........ yall are getting swept away...... and u have forgotten the true stubbornness of eiden

maybe this really is a sign that morvay isn't too smart (as he always claims so himself?) rin says of COURSE Brother is going to fall to a horrible fate if he sees huey

and morvay is like OH I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN yeah definitely there's no way around it i definitely do not see it going any other way than what u have described

....... *furrows brow* wait.... that seems weird.... hmm....

*waves it off* nah, not gonna think too hard about it. just gonna chill out and let the story do its thing

[moongothic]

So a few weeks ago I ran into this, old, old Crocodile meta post from 2015, the OP of which hasn't been active on Tumbr (at least on that account) since 2018. And this post (along with some of the OP's other posts) has been living in my head rent free since then.

There was just something there about seeing these old meta posts, completely detached from the current state of the story, the fandom and the Crocodad Propaganda... It just made for a truly refreshing read, but they also had such great observations about Crocodile I hadn't even thought about or noticed*, and somewhat most importantly... validating my own feelings/observations about things I've been kind of afraid to vocalize myself lest I apper completely delulu. Like I dunno I do worry sometimes if I'm just reading into things too much just to make massive reaches to get The Reading of the character that happens to support the Crocodad theory specifically, instead of trying to get a more objective reading instead. So seeing someone else make either those exact same or similar observations nearly 10 years before I did is so validating, and really just made me want to discuss some of those things.

*(Like this whole post about how "DON!" is often used to add emphasis and show the true beliefs of characters, and how Crocodile doesn't really say things with a DON!, almost like his heart isn't in most of the things he does or says. I dunno it was such a good read)

Sidenote: I do want to quickly comment that I don't agree with the OP on some of their readings about stuff, and more importantly, due to the age of the both the original posts and the OP not being active anymore, I didn't want to, like... Treat them as if they just posted it recently and interact with the posts as such. (I dunno, when people go digging through my decade old main blog and start reblogging shit I posted in like 2014 it just. I dunno, it's just kind of uncomfortable. Like you're allowed to browse my past but I wished people let my ancient cringe stay in the past. But that's just me) Like for example I feel like OP has a fundamental misunderstanding what being "trans" really even means (thus I don't agree with their take on trans Croc), but again, OP's take is old and so I don't want to hold it against them. They could have grown since then and come to better understand what being trans means, and regardless of that they don't have to buy into the theory either. And I absolutely do not want anyone to start trying to pester them about it or anything (again, they posted these things nearly 10 years ago), regardless of if they're still active or not. But yeah, that's why this is a whole separate post rather than a reblog with commentary.

So OP in their post speculated how in this moment (chap 206), based on the face he makes and the serious look he gives to Luffy, Crocodile seems to find the idea of someone being willing to die for someone else's sake absolutely incomprehensible, as if he's trying to wrap his head around the mere concept. That, or he used to know what it was like to hold someone/something that dear to you, but has long forgotten what it was like

Rereading this arc a while back I couldn't help but to take notice of this panel too and that unusual, somber(?) look on Crocodile's face. But because I'm a Crocodad Truther, of course I couldn't help but to feel that this was a face of recognition, of Crocodile understanding Luffy exactly in this moment, that willingness to do anything for a loved one. Especially because I have been speculating Crocodile might've been doing all of this with the goal of nuking the World Government out of orbit to protect his long lost baby boy (it's just that he simply finds Luffy's insistence on protecting this random ass princess from a random ass country he has zero ties to ridiculous, as opposed to like, doing all of this to protect immidiate, close family)

So again, despite the different reading it is validating as hell to see someone else think this panel in particular was odd. But the more I thought about it, I did kind of start leaning towards OP's reading. Now this one was originally pointed out by opbackgrounds, how in this scene (chapter 196) while Crocodile is meant to be laughing and mocking the royal guard for "throwing their lives away" to protect Cobra, he isn't actually smiling. We don't even get to see his full face with his eyes blacked out, so we don't get to see Crocodile's true feelings in this scene

And that does kind of reframe what he says in the second panel. For a long time I wondered if the implication was that Crocodile does actually value people's lives more than he lets on (especially with his seeming willingness to blow up a million people in a violent, orchestraded coup), just having a "small sacrifice for the greater good" kinda outlook (as we know, casualties can't be avoided in war, Croco and Luffy both agree on that) (where as I would IMAGINE Dragon having a more "no sacrifices, we have to save as many people as possible" kinda principle)

But now, looking at these two moments together, and knowing Crocodile has trust issues for unknown reasons, there is also that option that, perhaps... No one has ever shown that kind of loyalty towards him, a willingness to follow him to the grave or support him, to stay by his side? And if so, maybe, in these two scenes, Crocodile does recognize that kind of deep loyalty and trust and love, and has to cope with the fact that he has and may never experience it himself, that he's doomed to be alone, surrounded only by people who "respect him" out of fear (something that could be extra painful while knowing someone had just recently betrayed him by leaking his info to ruin his plans/after figuring out it was Robin, his very literal partner in crime. Like talk about rubbing salt into a wound).

And y'know, that is an extremely sad reading and I feel so bad for my poor little meow meow (that man needs a hug so bad), but also that doesn't really add to pushing The Crocodad Agenda, which is very unfortunate. Especially because I feel like between the two readings, Crocodile recognizing loyalty no one will ever show him (and being hurt by the fact) feels like a more comprehensive and simple reading, than if one is about him showing he doesn't fully believe in what he's doing is right and the other about him relating to Luffy on a deeper level.

But then, as OP pointed out in their post, for the entirety of page 2 of Chapter 207 while Luffy is keeling over from the poison finally kicking in, Crocodile looks like he's fully letting down his walls to express genuine relief, as if the those beliefs Croc had carried and convinced himself were true were just confirmed

What're his beliefs again? That trust in others is worthless, and you can not afford to have ideals if you're weak, great strenght being the only thing that allows you, if not straight up justifies you, in doing whatever you please? Now, maybe it's just me, but if Crocodile was showing relief here over his belief that trusting others is worthless after being reminded time and time again of the love and loyalty the Strawhats have for each other and the Alabastan kingdom has for everyone in it (etc)... I dunno, I feel like that would be kind of weak, if that's where Crocodile's internalized beliefs were wavering. But if Crocodile's whole Utopia-plan had been about destroying the WG to protect his baby boy (and release the whole world from the WG's oppressive rule while he's at it) at whatever cost, while he deep inside knew what he was doing was fucked up beyond belief... Yeah, Crocodile trying to convince himself what he was doing was "justified" would make sense. Him having his beliefs potentially even waver a little bit through out this whole ordeal would make sense. Crocodile in this moment experiencing relief that what he had told himself was the righteous would make sense.

Everybody remember's Doflamingo's speech from Marineford, about how history is written by the victors and its them who decide what is right and what is wrong- the winner becomes "justice" itself. Vegapunk kind of called back to this concept during his broadcast too, and yeah, Crocodile did kind of introduce us to it back in Alabasta. If he had won, he would have been "justified" in what he had done, because it'd be him who'd be deciding what's right and what's wrong.

Now I don't really have anything else to add to that post in particular (though I absolutely love the reading on the Crocodile vs Robin part and now that I've read it I can't unsee nor disagree with it), but OP did make a separate post speculating about some of design decisions Oda made regarding Crocodile, starting with discussing the logo for Baroque Works. And they pointed this out

Bro wrote this in 2015, they have no idea, oh my god, dude had no clue whatsoever

So quickly looking that one up and yeah, wings have sometimes been used to represent the sun (most commonly with the sun, as a winged sun?) and yeah, that actually has a lot of meaning in the current state of the series re: God of Liberation the Sun God Nika. But what's more is that this is actually the SECOND time we're actually finding a way to link Crocodile to sun-symbolism, the other being Crocodile being a reference to the Egyptian god Sobek (protector god, god of military, go to Wikipedia), who has an alternative form (/fusion with Ra) called Sobek-Ra, where he is a sun god. And what was Crocodile trying to do in Alabasta if not falsely "liberate" the country from its original rule. Also worth noting is that seemingly the winged sun was most commonly used in Egyptian iconography, so if Oda ever did research Egyptian mythology for inspiration in Alabasta (which, considdering the sheer amount of Stuff in the story as a whole is more than likely), then it is very possible he could have read about the winged sun and used it intentionally.

But what I do find interesting is that, yeah, wings kinda are a symbol one would considder "heroic" or related to "freedom". And, as I have been going on and on about, if Crocodile's ultimate goal in creating his funny little "utopia" was to overthrow the World Government and "free" the whole world of their rule. Like. That really lines up with the whole symbolism with the sun and the liberation and the freedom and shit, like. Why does it line up so neatly good dear god

I dunno how to end this post, these were just a few little things that I had been thinking about after coming across OP's blog and, yeah, just wanted to discuss them.

Again, OP hasn't been active for years, but if they did suddenly come back please don't bother them or god forbid harrass them/try to get them to change their mind about trans Croco. Just don't start shit, please.

End of post byeeeeeeee

[aihoshiino]

Okay I'll be straight, how do you do it

I love ai but I always feel like I can't get her right when I'm writing her down, I'm starting a fic but ai doesn't really feel like, you know, ai

So just a question, how do you get ai in character

Btw Thank you so much for your posts as they have been extremely helpful and cool to read❤️❤️❤️

thank you so much!! honestly it is still wild to me that so many people want to hear me rambling to myself about my wife LMFKDSKJHFD

I fully acknowledge that this is going to be at best a mildly unhelpful answer and at worst come off like the world's most pathetic humblebrag but Ai is a character who comes to me really easily at this point and I don't have to put a ton of active, deliberate thought into writing her. To be clear, this is not just from me being like, The All-Knowing, All Seeing Understander Of Hoshino Ai, P.H.D. in Aiology (even though I AM) (I promise this is a joke) but from a combo of things! 

The first is a lot of practice! At this point I've been writing Ai either for RP or for fic pretty much every day for two years. The second is just that I'm confident in my interpretation of her - this definitely is a humblebrag but my from-episode-1-and-pre-movie-arc stance was always "Ai was an ordinary girl doing her best and it was everyone else who deified her against her will" and that turned out to be the literally explicitly textual canonical lynchpin of the whole fucking thing.

This means that I both have a lot of experience in writing her in lots of different contexts and that even when I do enter uncharted territory, I have a good enough grasp of her underlying thought patterns and behaviour to just kind of sit down and write without having to deliberate a ton. These are both things that anyone can come into, tho!

This is probably gonna sound like a captain obvious suggestion but the best way to start building your understanding of a character is just to go back to the canon material and really gnaw on it. I got an anon last year who had a v. similar question to you and I basically gave them a similar rundown of all the steps I would give to someone to come into a more robust understanding of Ai as a character. I stand by everything I said there with a few caveats;

Obviously they weren't available at the time, but now they're out I would add 153 and 154 as essential reading for your Ai interpretation, since they round out our understanding of the KamiAi relationship and Ai's POV of it. You can also read the 15YL KamiAi scenes tho we obviously have to take them with the grain of salt that they're in-universre RPF lmao.

Oh and there's the Q&A that was released alongside the Da Vinci interview too - I hadn't gotten around to TLing it at the time of that ask but it's available now. Like the Da Vinci interview, it's good for getting a better look at 'Ai of B-Komachi' when she's in work mode and where she differs - or rather, how often she doesn't - from the regular Ai in her downtime.

I also recommend Ai's chapter of Spica a little more strongly than I do in this original post, but I would recommend waiting until the official English TL comes out! Our fan TL was fine just in terms of getting the story to the fandom but I can pretty much guarantee the YenPress version of it will be a huge improvement lol.

After that, the best thing to do is just practice! Like I said, I've been writing Ai for a long time now so I feel pretty at ease with her but I definitely wasn't always. Actually, it's a funny coincidence but I was actually rereading some of my really early RP stuff with her the other day - like, April/May 2023 stuff, so SUPER early into when I was writing her - and the whole time I was like "jeez this is so off... lol". I was writing her as way more like... deliberately manipulative and shrewd and I was missing out on some of the really important things about her - her genuine confusion/struggles with empathy and communication, her desperate loneliness, her fawning instincts and the way she internalizes blame at every turn... a lot of really essential stuff! And even at the time, I remember just this sense of "hm, this isn't quite right, is it...?"

Actually in hindsight, I was writing that stuff before I'd even heard of Viewpoint B, let alone translated it............... crazy to imagine given how essential I consider it now LOL

ANYWAY!!! My point is that ultimately you just gotta flex your muscles and practice and you'll eventually start Feelin It. I'd already done a ton of RP writing for Ai before I started any of my fics so that's where I did my reps but if that doesn't work or you don't RP, writing some zero stakes stuff in private just to feel out her character could work! Nab some random scenario prompts to give you ideas and write her in some different situations and see what feels right. Honestly, any kind of character building exercise/prompt could probably be good for this so check those out - even if they advertise themselves as being for original writing concepting, it should still be helpful!

If you've done all that but still feel like you're not getting her quite right I can almost guarantee that what you're feeling is off is the character voice! I can guarantee that like, nine times out of ten if you've ever clicked into a fic and been met with a wave of 'they would not fucking say that' even if you couldn't pinpoint why, it's because the author did not have a good grasp of character voices. On the flip side, having a good grasp of character voice means that you have a lot more wiggle room in terms of writing something that 'feels' in-character so long as you're able to keep up with that character voice.

I uh, was going to write up a whole section here about how to click into a character voice but then this post on literally exactly this topic passed my dash and said it all much more concisely than I would've done, so. read that LMAO

ANYWAY... at the end of this big ramble, I think the only other thing I'd have to say is... ultimately, just have fun with it! I totally get that sense of wanting to Get Her Right especially when there's so many utterly unhinged takes on her in the fandom lol but at the end of the day, if you're not enjoying the process then there's no point in doing it to begin with. So try not to stress yourself out about it too much!

oh also, you have to send me whatever you write so i can read it. that's not optional <3

[lorelilly]

sorry you're feeling down <3 are you reading anything currently? (i'm reading real life by brandon taylor rn, so good!) what authors inspire your writing?

also, anything you're willing to tease from upcoming wips?

Right now I’m reading Faebound by Saara El-Arifi. I haven’t really read much in the Romantacy genre, but I heard people online saying this book was ACOTAR if it was queer so I’ve been giving it a shot and it’s pretty good so far.

I think what typically inspires me to write fanfic though is other good fanfic. I just finished reading Sweeter Than Honey by @followingthebutterflies7 (omg amazing please go read it) and I’m currently reading Bound by Winter by @and-claudia and The Only Reason (I Stayed Here) by @ephemore (which are both currently in progress but I’m loving where they’re going). I also frequently go back and reread older fanfics I love. It doesn’t even have to be from the same fandom. My favorite AO3 author is surveycorpsjean who’s written A LOT of really good stuff (mostly for My Hero Academia and Haikyuu but for tons of other fandoms as well).

As far as teases from upcoming WIPs, I just posted a snippet from my next chapter of All This Potential last week. And while that is my main focus right now, I do have a couple other short things I’ve written the last few months so—anyone care to read some of my Shourtcer idea that I may or may not ever finish? It’s an AU where Shayne and Spencer are competing in the rodeo circuit as bull riders and Courtney is a farrier.

What’s under the cut isn’t nsfw but it is just a little spicy.

Courtney stands in front of their full length mirror, pressing down on a weird ruffle in her dress that just won’t lay flat. She briefly wonders if she’s got time to iron before he gets here and then immediately scoffs at herself. Spencer isn’t gonna care about what her clothes look like. He’s most likely coming over to take them off her anyway. That’s why she chose this dress in the first place, a simple denim number that buttons all the way down. Just thinking about it makes her palms sweat.

Despite the mirror, Shayne still manages to sneak up on her, his reflection magically appearing over her shoulder while she’s lost in thought.

“Nervous?” he asks like it isn’t obvious. Courtney tries to shrug the question off anyway. “We don’t have to do this,” he adds on, and Courtney turns around to face him.

“Do you not want to do this?”

Shayne swallows heavy and takes a breath.

“I—I love you,” he says like it’s an answer. And because they’ve been together for so long, because she knows this sweet and wonderful man inside and out, it is.

“Shayne, baby, I love you too.” She slips her arms around his neck. “This doesn’t mean we aren’t in love anymore. I know you still love me. Do you know that I still love you?”

“Yes,” he says, and when Courtney looks deep into his eyes, she believes him. She nods once firmly and then lets her arms drop.

“I want to do this. I want—“ I want him, she thinks. Lord help her, but it’s true.

Shayne nods a couple times like he’s shaking out some final nerves of his own and then finally smiles at her softly. He spins her back around so she’s facing the mirror, hands gripped loosely around her waist but already starting to move up and down, casually feeling her curves.

“You look beautiful,” he whispers, placing a kiss to her neck. And god she’s so keyed up already that just the kiss is enough to make her shiver. Shayne doesn’t miss it.

“He’s not gonna know what hit him,” Shayne says with an even wider smile and Courtney feels some confidence come back to her.

“Same to you,” she says.

Shayne’s not wearing anything fancy, but it doesn’t take much in her opinion. Even in some light-washed denim and a white t-shirt that hugs his biceps, he’s already everything anyone could possibly want.

His arms tighten around her middle, hugging her close until she can feel the start of something pressed against her lower back. Seems like she’s not the only one who’s keyed up already.

The sound of the doorbell startles them both.

“Speak of the devil,” Shayne mumbles.

They reluctantly pull apart and head downstairs to greet Spencer. Shayne’s little pep talk has Courtney feeling so much better, but she still feels unprepared for the sight that greets her when she opens the door.

Spencer’s in a pair of dark jeans, probably the nicest ones he owns by the look of it, with a dark green and blue plaid shirt and a simple bolo tie. He’s not wearing a hat, and it actually looks like maybe he’s run some kinda product through his hair to accentuate his curls.

“Hey,” she says, voice sounding too much like a sigh for her own liking.

“Hey,” he says back. “I uh—“ His hand comes up from by his side, holding out an honest to god bouquet of flowers. “I wasn’t sure what’s proper for a situation like this. But my mama taught me to never show up empty handed so-“

Courtney takes the flowers from him, a brightly colored assortment that reminds her of springtime, and tries not to bite her lip when she smiles.

“They’re beautiful. Thank you.”

“Nothing for me?” Shayne teases over her shoulder.

Courtney barely contains her eye roll at the obvious prod. Everything’s always been a competition between these two and she’s not sure why she thought tonight might be any different. But Spencer isn’t thrown for a second. He quickly reaches forward towards the bouquet, pinching a carnation off its stem a couple inches beneath the base, then steps closer to Shayne and slowly slips the flower over the top of his ear.

“There. Pretty as a picture,” Spencer says in a low voice and Courtney coughs to hide her laugh as a blush spreads across Shayne’s cheeks. Point, Spencer.

“Well come on in before you let all the AC out,” Courtney says, breaking the moment and ushering Spencer inside.

They all meander their way into the dining room where Spencer looks surprised to see the table set. It’s nothing ostentatious, just three white plates with some plain napkins and cutlery set out. But Spencer looks at it like she’s done something amazing for him.

“You’re cooking?” he asks towards both of them.

“Chicken’s on the grill right now,” Shayne says. “And Court’s got veggies roasting in the oven.”

“And some of your bread,” she says to Shayne.

“I don’t know if I’d call it my bread-“ he says like he’s nervous to own up to it in front of Spencer. But Courtney’s having none of it. If he’s gonna be their—or more like, if they’re planning on inviting him into their—well regardless, they’ve gotta start being honest with each other.

“I would.” She walks over and gives him a short but firm kiss on his cheek. “You’re the one that got this new sourdough starter to work after my last one died while we were away.”

“I’m sure it’ll be amazing,” Spencer chimes in, making both of them turn to look at him. “I mean, I don’t think the golden boy over here is capable of doing anything less than perfect.”

Shayne pulls away from her and scoffs in Spencer’s direction.

“If I was perfect, I would’ve beaten you in Cheyenne,” he counters.

But Spencer just throws him that smile, the one that’s somehow boyishly charming and also unfairly seductive.

“But where would be the fun in that?” he teases. “Nah. You losing to me sometimes just makes you more perfect in my book.”

Shayne huffs out a noise somewhere between amused and frustrated then turns away.

“Gonna go check on the meat,” he says, but Courtney can see his flustered face before he makes it outside and closes the patio door behind him. Two points, Spencer.

[novankenn]

a Substitution (1)

(A/N - Inspired partially by @arc-misadventures stories the Swap and Rebirth. Which are extremely well written stories that I've reread multiple times.)

All his life Jaune's best friend was himself. Yes he was surrounded by family, and that included a literal gang of older sisters. Now while his sisters, and his parents would move heaven and earth to assist him... even when he didn't want it, he still often needed to rely on himself to get out of... situations.

He was having one of those situations right at that moment. Never having been the biggest or most gifted Jaune was an easy target for the local bullies. More so when his family was no within earshot. So Jaune now had a problem. The current crop of delinquents had decided it would be great fun to get one of the girls to take Jaune's book-bag into the girl's locker-room.

Now normally this wouldn't be an insurmountable obstacle. Jaune could just wait it out, and get his stuff back once everyone had left. That would be what he would do normally, and today that wasn't an option. His oldest sister Saphron was getting married this weekend and the family was leaving today for Argus, so they could attend.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." Jaune muttered as he watched the entrance to the girl's locker room. "Of course today has to be practice for like ALL the damn female teams. Fuck."

Jaune closed his eyes, and took a couple of slow deep breaths. He was starting to feel the beginnings of a tension headache. Travelling tonight will be bad enough with his motion sickness. He didn't need to add a headache on top.

"Okay. Okay, options. Options." Jaune was speaking with himself. A habit that was often the reason that he was targeted by others, along with his rather slim physique. "I can't wait it out, and there is no way I'm calling on of my sisters to fix this."

During his stake-out he was pretty confident that the room was now empty or pretty much so. He could take the risk...

"No. Nope. Too risky. IF anyone walks in while I'm looking for my bag, I'm going to get creamed, and probably suspended." Jaune bit his lip. "I could try one of the couches... which will be another wait until on of them has the TIME to escort me."

Jaune closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. This was all stupid. Just stupid and childish. Taking one final deep breath, Jaune opened his eyes, and after a quick check to see if anyone was watching... he strode forward towards the door into the changing area.

The door creaked open and a ponytailed blond girl entered the rather messy and chaotic room. Clothes and towels were scattered all about. But she didn't care. People could and were slobs. It wasn't any of her concern. No she just needed to locate the bag, and then get home, before someone could notice she was wearing a boys uniform.

[ Table of Contents ]

[vynxwave]

What are your thoughts on the fandom's reaction to the new Earthspark episodes? I feel like so far... it's weird how these episodes are so obviously just the next half of the last batch and there seems to be almost no acknowledgement of that at all? Feels surreal to me. I also think it's interesting how I was dreading people being furious that their headcanons weren't supported but instead while I'm not seeing the furious rage I expected (which is a relief!) it's almost like anything that doesn't line-up is just ignored? I also have seen some of what you expected which is the "This is so much better than the last batch!!!" stuff. Very little analysis so far too, I almost didn't even bother posting the thing I said about Twitch because I initially thought, "Well that's so obvious I'm sure everyone's said it already," only to check and see nobody had! -arceespinkgun

I've definitely seen the same. S3 is so connected to previous episodes it's really a shame people aren't talking about it!

As anticipated, people are still wishing EarthSpark was what they thought season 1 was and this hinders their ability to understand/enjoy this season.

Loootsss of people are angry at how Starscream was I'm seeing. How he is treated makes sense following S2E09 Witwicky because his plan was foiled but he himself hadn't been addressed.

I didn't anticipate him being trapped in Terratronus but it does make sense. His beating on Terratronus's eye reminds me of when he and the other seekers left Swindle and Soundwave behind the anti-energon field that had caught them without pause with Swindle shouting "Starscream! You can't leave us!" while beating on the field — and, most recently, the fact that his betrayal of the Decepticons essentially imprisoned them all again! Of course the Decepticons would leave him up there.

I love that Starscream even made himself a little crown in the tea party shot, making himself look like a king while holding the Cyber Slayer too. He is a far cry from how he was in S2E09 Witwicky when he felt empowered/victorious, and now he acts completely nonthreatening as if it'd help him. He tries to appeal to the Autobots, but because of his very own actions he has nothing actually substantial to offer them; he's hit rock bottom! Him being easily cowed made sense because he's cornered and powerless, unlike the other episodes where he had power/glory in sight, a viable plan, or power actually in his hand. And it is here that Starscream receives some poetic justice — Hashtag using the Cyber Slayer on him.

I've seen some misunderstanding of the Cyber Slayer's ability (not only just now, but since S2)? Mandroid in the S1 finale described it as "For a bot [Shockwave's] size energon depletion is dangerous, for [Terrans] it could be lethal." We see it used on Shockwave, Elita-1, and Optimus Prime in the S1 finale — but it does not kill them. Same with Wheeljack in S2. I was about to add "where did this misconception come from?" but then I reread its name, like ah, that's why.

The direction of the Decepticons is really cool, and it's a shame a lot of people don't like it. Given what Shockwave told Starscream in S2E09 Witwicky I anticipated the Decepticons would be working to get back to Cybertron, so how they were didn't surprise me at all because it's completely in line with how the Decepticons have been built up.

They've been hunted, experimented on, imprisoned, betrayed, and imprisoned again — of course they don't like Earth or want to stay; with Starscream's failure, they have no means of conquering Earth. Shockwave's plan is, of course, the most logical.

One thing I dislike is people's overuse of calling the Decepticons "evil" in lieu of just... not understanding the their motives. Like yes, they are, but people are acting like they have been reduced to black-and-white villains which is so weird. Like, Breakdown was going to offer Bumblebee a hand before Thrash intercepted and helped him up, Shockwave honors the deal he made when Breakdown loses, Shockware doesn't blast Megatron despite him refusing to join the Decepticons, and Starscream reaps what he sows. The Decepticons want to return home to escape the planet they've been imprisoned on, and of course they'll do that by whatever means they deem necessary.

Not too much discussion or analysis of the Quintessons so far, but I reckon that could just be from people not having finished the episodes yet. I can connect a lot about the Quintessons from this new batch to previous episodes, which I'll be posting about probably tomorrow.

I would've thought people would be way more vocal about S1's point about not knowing Cybertron's status being continued in S3 but I haven't really seen it mentioned xD. I thought Breakdown raised a very interesting point!: "You ever think Cybertron might be in trouble and need our help?"

[jessiemeows]

Lost & Found

Chapter 2: Companionship and Sunsets

A/N: Hello! I wanted to say the first 2-3 chapters are a little slow and are basically retellings of what happens amongst the Amaya/Astarion universe that I created. The next chapter though is when their story begins to officially start :) Pls go easy on me, I don't have any proofreaders and I tried reading this a thousand times to make sure the grammar and spelling are good lmfao. ALSO! Love and smut won't be introduced till later chapters, right now its going to be painfully obvious that Amaya and Astarion are crushing on one another. So in other words it's a slow burn. OH, one more thing, I haven't posted much but I am pretty much done with the next chapter, I have to add in a few things that I forgot I wanted added in so maybe(hopefully) I'll post it by the end of the week? I plan on reading it and adding in more stuff tomorrow night, and then I have to get over my fears of posting it for a few days by rereading it 500 times lol.

Pairing: F!Durge, OC (Amaya), Tiefling, Selunite Cleric X Spawn Astarion

Rating: 18+!!! mentions of violence, blood, corpses, death, basically durge things if you know how that character is

WC: About 2300

Previous chapters: Prologue | Ch 1

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Story:

The wreckage of the nautiloid stretched behind them as Astarion trailed a few steps behind Amaya. He watched as his new companion led him in what seemed to be an increasingly familiar pattern.

"Any idea where you're going, darling?" He said with his voice filled with amusement. "Because it seems to me we're walking in circles."

Amaya's shoulders tensed. "Yes, I know where I'm going." The words came out clipped, and Astarion suppressed a smile. Perhaps he shouldn't have been so harsh earlier- the knife to her throat, shoving her into the dirt but, what was done was done. And if he was being honest with himself, he didn't particularly care.

"I'm looking for someone," she continued, her voice softening. "She can't be too far from the beach. Unless she's dead, but I..." Her words trailed off into the now cooling evening air.

"And who might this mystery person be?"

Amaya twirled to face him, walking backward with surprising grace. "A half-elf who helped me on the ship. I don't remember her name, but I think she's a cleric, like me."

"Ah, clerics." Astarion clicked his tongue. "I've never much cared for the gods. Rather exhausting business, all that worship and devotion."

Her expression turned thoughtful. "True but, I don't know why I worship Selûne, to be honest. When I woke up on the nautiloid, I had only faint memories of her, but I could feel her presence, feel my magic flowing from her." She turned to walk beside him, their steps falling into sync. "Her presence felt light and hopeful, which was nice compared to..." Her voice faded, and Astarion caught the shadow that passed across her face. He chose not to press.

Instead, he studied her with new interest. "You don't remember anything?"

"Just my name- Amaya Othzál- and fragments that keep surfacing. The details are..." She shrugged, offering a faint smile. "Hazy."

"Must be the tadpole's doing."

"Or I hit my head really hard." Her giggle was soft and musical, and Astarion found himself oddly charmed by the sound.

"Yes, that would certainly explain a few things about you," he scoffed playfully, rolling his eyes but unable to suppress a low chuckle.

Amaya then halted suddenly, causing Astarion to collide with her, nearly losing his footing to almost knock her over. "Do you think by any chance you could not stop so abruptly," he hissed.

"There's a wounded mindflayer," she whispered, pointing ahead.

"Better it than us," he remarked coldly. "But do be careful near that thing."

Amaya then approached slowly, her divine magic radiating a blinding light at her fingertips. Astarion watched as she hesitated to kill the abomination, kneeling before the creature within seconds.

"What in the hells- what are you doing? Get away from that thing!" Astarion then yanked her backward by the arm, breaking the creature's hold.

Reality crashed back, and almost immediately Amaya brought her boot down on the monster with crushing force. "Death is too good for it," she then turned to Astarion with apologetic eyes. "Thank you."

"Just don't do that again," he muttered. Amaya nodded.

The two had walked on for several more minutes completing a full circle back onto the beach when suddenly, Amaya bolted forward. "Wait! I think that's her!" She sprinted toward a prone figure in the sand. "How did I not see her? She was so close." Dropping to her knees, she checked for signs of life. "She's breathing- just unconscious."

The half-elf stirred at Amaya's gentle touch. "Y-you're alive," she mumbled, blinking in confusion. "I'm alive. How is this possible?"

As the women spoke, Astarion hung back, only half-listening until he heard his name mentioned. Amaya was recounting their earlier encounter while the half-elf-Shadowheart, she called herself- cast a healing spell. Shadowy magic knitted Amaya's wound closed, though the skin remained angry and red.

"You kept him around after he tried to kill you?" Shadowheart's green eyes bored into Astarion.

"He's infected, just like us." Amaya glanced at him with those big and round yet unusual eyes of hers- deep red and glowing at the center of her cat-like pupils, but the iris was as if the color itself was wrong somehow. The bridge of her nose had started to burn in the sun, making her constellation of freckles stand out even more. "I would've done the same, I think."

"Well, it's all in the past now, isn't it?" Astarion drawled. "We should be moving forward, shouldn't we..." Astarion awaited for the half-elf to give him her name.

The half-elf's response was as cold as winter. "It’s Shadowheart."

“Shadowheart. Let's go now.”Astarion scoffed at the half-elf giving her an equally challenging stare back. Rolling her eyes at Astarion, Shadowheart then carefully wrapped Amaya's wound.

"Thank you so much," Amaya said.

“Anything for the person who saved my life.” Shadowheart said, smiling at Amaya her eyes lighting up. “Now let's get moving, lead the way.”

After looting a couple of dead goblins, their path led them to roadside cliffs overlooking what appeared to be temple ruins. As the party approached, a strange rune carved into the ancient stones caught her attention. Amaya paused, "There's something unusual about that rune," she murmured, cautiously moving closer to investigate.

“Amaya, do be careful,” Astarion warned. He had no desire to rescue her from another predicament as he had with the mindflayer. Ignoring the warning from him, Amaya reached out and faintly touched the rune with her fingers, causing her to recoil in pain. Amidst the eerie glow of the rune, a hand abruptly materialized, causing the trio to jump.

“A hand? Anyone?” cried a disembodied voice from the sigil.

Astarion's eyes remained fixed on Amaya, whose complexion grew pale as she stared transfixed at the spectral limb before her. Without any warning, she swiftly slapped the hand.

"Ow!" the voice exclaimed. "Perhaps I should have clarified- a helping hand? Anyone?"

Astarion couldn't contain his laughter. In their brief time together, he'd sensed a kindred spirit in Amaya's mischievous nature. After Amaya interrogated the sigil, she managed to use what was left of her divine magic and successfully pulled out a man. The sudden recoil from the conjuration caused the tiefling to stumble and fall, crashing directly into Astarion, he quickly reached out and grabbed ahold of her waist before she could hit the ground. 

“Hello, I’m Gale of Waterdeep!” the strange man said while dusting off his deep purple robes as the trio surrounded him.

In the corner of Astarion's eyes, the setting sun caught his attention. The sky blazed in a brilliant transformation, shifting from molten gold to soft coral to dusky rose- colors he had not truly seen in nearly two centuries. The fading light painted the landscape in an ethereal glow, turning the mundane into something magical. 

Only half-listening to the conversation behind him, Amaya boasted to the wizard, "I took control of the ship, landed it safely, and saved the day." Astarion couldn't help but snort at her words.

"That vast, burning wreckage behind you somewhat contradicts your story, but here you stand, so who am I to argue?"  the wizard responded sarcastically back at her with amusement.

Lost again in the sunset, a gentle touch on his shoulder startled him from his reverie. Amaya stood beside him, her unusual red eyes reflecting the sunset's dying embers. "Are you coming? We're setting up camp here for the night." She studied his face with quiet curiosity. "Do you like the sunset?"

"I'm used to the busy city," he lied smoothly, "so it's rare to see it like this." The truth- that he hadn't properly watched a sunset in two hundred years, caught in his throat.

"It is beautiful," Amaya murmured, her words trailing off as she gazed at the painted sky. "But you should set up your tent before darkness falls, unless you fancy fumbling with poles in the pitch black." She turned away with a small smile, heading toward a flat patch of ground. Astarion sighed and followed, his feet dragging slightly in the dirt.

Gale, who seemed to be the ever the show-off, had his tent erected in minutes through a series of precise magical gestures. With another flourish of his hands, he conjured a blazing fire in the center of their makeshift camp. The flames cast dancing shadows across the clearing as twilight deepened around them.

"I hate to be bossy," Gale announced, though his tone suggested otherwise, "but I'm designating myself camp cook. Our supplies may be limited, but I promise to make something satisfying for us all."

Shadowheart's response was laced with sarcasm. "Fine, Gale."

Amaya chuckled at their bickering as she scanned the campsite, her smile fading when she noticed Astarion's empty tent. "Hm," she murmured, concern creasing her brow before she pushed the thought aside.

Inside her own tent, Amaya carefully arranged her few possessions. One particular possession made her smile, an old stuffed bunny-somehow preserved in her bag of holding took pride of place on her thin mattress. She found herself imagining ways to make the space more homely: perhaps some hanging plants, or a few cozy blankets. 

Changing quickly from her tattered armor, she borrowed a pair of black trousers from Shadowheart, cinching them with rope to fit her smaller frame. Her dark red underclothes would have to suffice as sleeping attire for the night. As she folded her armor, several gold-plated medallions caught her eye. Most were too damaged to read, their engravings worn smooth or broken, but one bore a partial image- half a skull surrounded by droplets. The symbol tugged at her memory, but like so much else, remained frustratingly out of reach.

Night had fully settled when Amaya joined the others by the fire. Crickets sang their evening chorus as torchlight flickered between their four tents. Gale offered her a bowl of dried fruits and meat with a gentle smile, which she returned gratefully.

"Where's your pale friend?" Shadowheart's question cut through the peaceful silence.

Amaya toyed with a piece of dried meat between her fingers. "Oh, he set up his tent and wandered off somewhere."

"I'd be careful with him." Shadowheart's green eyes bore into her with intensity.

"You don't trust Astarion?"

"Trust is a rare currency, Amaya. I'm not sure I would spend it on someone who drew a knife on me moments after we met." The words fell between them like ice.

Gale choked on his food. "He did what?"

"It's fine," Amaya insisted, though her head began to pound. Dark, unsettling thoughts from earlier crept back, visions of severing Gale's hand and slitting Astarion’s throat caused her to shudder. Amaya then pushed the thoughts away, fighting a wave of nausea.

"Fine," Shadowheart conceded, her gaze fixed on the flames. "But I'm watching him."

----

An hour had passed, and there was still no sign of Astarion. Shadowheart had already retreated to her tent while Amaya tried to focus on Gale's lecture about ceremorphosis, but her headache made it difficult to concentrate. His words blurred together as she stared into the fire.

"Now we have tadpoles slithering through our heads like carnivorous foeti. That's not abstract."

"I'm not too worried," Amaya offered weakly. "We'll find someone who can help."

"That's the spirit! Let's be up with the lark- find a healer before the wee one gets hungry. Oh, hello Astarion!"

Amaya turned around to find the elf had changed into simpler attire: a light blue shirt with ruffled collar and low neckline, paired with well-worn brown trousers and ornate shoes. The clothing showed signs of careful mending, a stark contrast to his earlier pristine outfit.

Gale then thrust a bowl at him "Ah, yes. Thank you," Astarion said, his lip curling slightly at its contents. "Sorry for disappearing. I needed a walk."

"Nonsense!" Gale waved off the apology. "It's been a difficult day. But this wizard needs his beauty sleep, or I'll be absolutely insufferable tomorrow. Goodnight to you both. I should check if Shadowheart's still awake..."

As Gale departed, Astarion settled beside Amaya, setting his untouched food aside.

"Not hungry?"

"Not particularly," he replied tersely.

"I only ate half of mine because I felt sick," she offered. "So you're not alone." Despite his prickly exterior, she found conversation with him came naturally. While she felt a connection with Shadowheart too, something about Astarion's presence put her at ease.

They both started speaking at once, then stopped. "Oh, sorry- you go first," Amaya insisted.

Astarion paused, choosing his words carefully. "So, we're resting here? Turning in for the night?"

"It's no feather bed, but it'll do." She hugged her knees to her chest, pushing dark curls from her face.

"I suppose." His crimson eyes darted around the clearing. "I'm not sure what I expected, really. This is all rather new for me. My nights usually involve bustling streets and bursting taverns. Curling up in the dirt is... a little novel."

"I could make you some tea with calming herbs," she offered. "Help you relax."

"Ah, no- tea isn't really my drink." He tapped his temple. "I'll be awake anyway, processing all this. You sleep, I'll keep watch."

"Thank you, that helps. But first- what do you think of our new companions?"

A wicked grin spread across his face. "Ha! Well, we've picked up a wizard who managed to get stuck in his own portal- hardly a promising introduction. And then there's someone whose parents hopefully meant well by naming their child Shadowheart. Rather ominous, don't you think? Unless she chose it herself, which would be even more concerning."

Amaya couldn't help but laugh. "I suppose you’re right but they are all we have currently," She stood, brushing off her borrowed clothes. “You’ll have to excuse me now, I should pray before bed. Have a good night and try to get some rest yourself.”

"The pleasure is all mine. Sweet dreams," he murmured, watching her silhouette move through the moonlight toward her tent.

[jtl07]

reflection: intimacy/spicy shenanigans

i wanted to do a similar reflection to the one i did for martial arts week though i suspect that there's not much difference. both involve getting over myself, though in different ways, and also addressing the pressure that comes with writing these types of scenes.

which was really the first big lesson: treat writing smut just like writing any other thing - that is, fall back on character, the relationships between the characters, intent behind the action, story, etc. doing this as part of shenanigans helped a lot because these are meant to be quick (quickies? lol).

[you know the drill: further ramblings and summarized takeaways under the cut]

looking back on this week, i leaned a lot on starting in media res - which i realize now is kinda like the equivalent to when you're drilling techniques in martial arts (that is, isolating as much as possible what you're trying to work on before expanding outward/backward). the only "downside" was that the prompt fills were shorter (the average word count for martial arts shenanigans was 866 words, compared to the average word count for spicy shenanigans of 518 words).

i suppose the above is more a lesson in how to practice than writing smut though. in terms of writing the actual smut, the thing that helped the most was really writing as fast as i could lol. i usually write a couple ideas out when i first get the prompt so that when i finally reach it (there's usually a day or more between receiving and filling a prompt) i can just focus on writing. this was invaluable for this week so i suppose smut, for me, requires a more "go with your instincts" sort of writing.

this week was a nice opportunity to try to explore intimacy in general - hence the character work, albeit brief, in the top surgery prompt and the first time with a strap on prompt. figuring out perspective was interesting too - looking at the week as a whole, it's interesting to see the difference between the prompt where beatrice gives up control and the gelphie prompt at the beginning of the week vs the exhibitionism training session prompt and the avabealil hotel pool prompt at the end of the week. imo, i feel like i was more efficient in the latter two in terms of getting into the perspective character's head and emotions. though, now that i'm rereading, maybe it's more because there's also a bit of story/situation too. hmm.

i guess the last big learning was that similar to writing martial arts, the answer to question of "how do i write this sexier?!?" isn't to add more action (lol) but in most cases, to simplify and couch things in character and emotion.

so yeah, not much different in terms of learnings from martial arts week, though i suspect doing martial arts prior to spicy week helped in that it got the "technical" stuff out first and gave me the confidence to just run on my instincts/vibes for writing all the smut.

finally, i have to say that it helped a ton that these were all prompts from other folks so it really kicked me out of my comfort zone, and it was incredibly validating and helpful to read folks' comments and reblog tags to see what worked. so thanks to everyone for playing and supporting!

[lurkiestvoid]

So I posted a copy of The Article the other day but deliberately didn't include any of my own thoughts; I just stumbled over it, saw it was paywalled, shared a ladder. But I do have thoughts and this is the post where I'm putting them and then I'm moving on (publicly at least; privately as always I reserve the right to rant in my shower) and continuing to enjoy my sandbox.

I have always been a huge fan of the whole DA+ME suite. I enjoyed Andromeda and Veilguard, not even to 'spite critics' or anything I just Enjoyed Playing Them. I found ways to connect to and play with the characters in my own way, with my own understanding of the lore and my own canon; I'm used to BW's canon Sacrificed Dalish Warden, for example, and not my surviving Paragon Brosca, and in my writing I like to play with the effects of that and other changes anyway (like making all my Wardens+both Hawkes+all Inqys bc extra timeline shenanigans + all my Rooks simulcast canon lol).

I just like these sandboxes. Call em a special interest or a hobby or whatever, but I've been playing with this sand since I first picked up DA2 at my wife's recommendation while I was postpartum 2013.

And I honestly, at first playthrough, did not like DA2. HOWEVER. On my begrudging later last-chance playthrough, I decided to maybe glance at walkthroughs now and then, just to make sure I wasn't fucking things up, and boy howdy, yeah, I'd fucked it.

Somehow I'd powered through just the main plot without much of the side quests, had my combat settings way too high for my comfort level, only skimmed a lot of actually important stuff (mostly from not getting References to DAO/lore so I just. Skipped a lot of dialogue and made random choices) and generally met my boss fights way too early, making them near impossible for my gear and level without a lot of angry grinding. And that ending was rough, everyone peaced out with a general attitude of 'meh' and I didn't even really understand why.

Anyways, second go-round with a Guide and it went so much smoother. And that's when I fell in love. DA2 is still my favorite. Grabbed DAO (only had Shale's DLC iirc), and then played them back to back in between similar reruns of Mass Effect until Inquisition released. Played those 4-5 times through by themselves, then started my rotations over with the newest additions. I did get to play Andromeda once on an old roomie's PS4, and had started my second run before we moved. I fully intend to add VG to my rotations after I've had my fill of it and feel like I really know it well, same as the last ones. I've read most of the books but I forget which ones, I need to do a few more rereads, and I've read An Amount of fanfic and have a massive to-read pile still. (I have, of course, played lots of other games and read lots of other things in between all this; it's been a long 12 years, I just enjoy reruns of fave media, like a palate cleanser)

All this to say: I love Veilguard, because it's Veilguard. And because it's unique in the way the other games were unique, and expansive the way the other games were expansive, and just for having yet another big new piece of the puzzle.

But I have and will continue to maintain (again, mostly privately hereafter except when I get a wild hair up my ass abt it and I can't promise I won't) that EA fucking murdered Dragon Age. No, not in the 'killed it's quality' way, this isn't a statement of quality but of intent.

EA kneecapped specifically the DA team at nearly every step of the process, and then put the Mass Effect team in charge and gave them whatever they wanted. The DA team was shut out of DA meetings. And funding. And time, and structure, and support, and resources. No backtracking allowed, this train only goes forward at top speed forever, line only go up. Limited platform release, ramp up the graphics make it neotech-accessible only. Make it multiplayer, no, wait, nevermind, just use what you have. Rework all the dialogue it's too unserious, oh your VAs' union on strike? Too bad just cut it anyway, we release next month.

The DA team, post-Inquisitorial success, was slowly beaten with hammers, and their project was handed over to a team that had no respect for the team NOR for the franchise itself, despite that team's last game having notoriously tanked???

And when a half-strangled labor of love, who was barely like three months old yet, didn't manage to still perform to exceedingly high expectations, EA took it out back and just fucking shot it.

The Storm/Executors would have made a bangin' cinquel wrap-up to a beloved series, and we could have partied hearty with the devs instead of their private, mournful, reminiscent sendoff; they deserved so much better. If the DA team had been treated like the ME team from the get-go, we could maybe have had something absolutely mindblowing in all directions.

I'm happy with what DA devs managed to get us, as I figured I would be. But I am both unsurprised and still deeply pissed that EA/BW treated the writers and devs the way they did, and I'm disappointed in how the ME team treated their peers.

Aaaaaand i'm going to bed. 💜 thanks for reading!

[merakiui]

hi mera i reread your ceo azul fic and i still can’t get over how well-written it was…i even got an aha moment when i noticed some things that i missed in my first reading

ik there won’t be a sequel which is fine since you’re already writing a lot of other stuff at the moment , but i kinda remember you mentioned before that the fic originally had a smut scene but you omitted that cause it didn’t fit the vibe of the fic which i understand tbh

but i’m curious….kinda like a delete scene of a movie, would you share it if you have already written it? if not, would you share to what was your original idea of the smut scene? if you don’t want to, that’s okay!!!

Hiiii!! :D thank you so much for reading it!!!! I'm happy you enjoyed it!! <3 this ceo Azul is so obsessed... I loved writing his meltdown in that fic the most. Out of every Zuzu meltdown I've written, I think that one is the yummiest. So much emotion and manipulation (from darling) in that scene!!!!!

Aaaa yes!! The fic did indeed have a smut scene planned. 👀 I can happily share what it was going to be. While I didn't write it out, I still clearly remember what it was meant to be. Essentially, Azul was going to knock you up in the panic room-turned-nursery hehe. In the story, he locks you in the room by yourself and then goes off to give you space (which then leads into the meltdown once you wake hours later). But originally (before it was scrapped) he was going to drag you over to the bed and fuck you all while rambling (very delusional and obsessed) about how this will be good for you and him, how you just need time to warm up to this new life, how he's doing all of this for you, how you'll be a great mama to the baby.

But now that I'm dwelling on it, I like the idea of an Azul who can wait for you to gradually soften just enough to allow him to be intimate with you. A Stockholm Syndrome route! Soft, sweet lovemaking with your boss lover Azul. (๑-﹏-๑) hopefully in this unofficial sequel, Azul finally adds more life to the house because in my mind it is the most bleak modernist house to ever exist. orz he needs to put up some artwork or pictures or decorations so it feels less empty and more like a home for two (soon to be three because a baby will inevitably be on the way).

[orthosispsychosis]

10 books to read for 2025

tagged by @vardasvapors

welcome to my twisted reading list.

The Gilded Dinosaur: The Fossil War Between E.D. Cope and O.C. Marsh and the Rise of American Science, by Mark Jaffe - i badly need to learn more details about the bone wars and this seems to be a good book for doing so. stupid academic rivalries plus explosives, a good time for all

A Mind for Numbers: How to Excel at Math and Science, by Barbara Oakley - i am partway through this and it is useful so far. one of my projects this year that will probably extend beyond this year is working on my fear/flinch response about math, because it is an inconvenient and irritating problem to have that was given to me by others but is now up to me to manage, because life is bullshit like that. i'm going to manage it by becoming good at math out of spite.

Kindred: Neanderthal Life, Love, Death and Art by Rebecca Wragg Sykes - grief reasons.

There Are No Accidents by Jessie Singer - feeding the ongoing fascination with industrial accidents with recs from the post the other day. due to my uncharitable nature i'm not sure how much i believe the idea that accidents don't ever really happen from people being actively stupid as opposed to being funneled into a machine that will contort them into shapes that cannot function safely, but i do believe in the existence of the funnel and feel it is definitely responsible for the bulk of 'accidents'. and suspect that i may be drawing the line between 'operator error' and 'bad system' differently than the author and also some contributors to that post. anyway. i'd like to learn more about this!

The Infinite and the Divine by Robert Rath - i promised my brother i would read a warhammer book and picked this one on the basis of it's about two immortal metal skeletons who spend their eternities being insanely obsessive about their chosen interests and also antagonizing each other in weirdly personal ways. which is. you know. a sort of dynamic i have known to be interested in, on occasion.

Royal Assassin by Robin Hobb - similar to above, i am trying to read some books my mother likes, and i scandalized her last year by reading parts of this extended universe out of order, so i'm going to make an effort to read it in order. i did book 1 last year. i cared a LOT less about that book than i did about the books about dragons, but i will get to more dragons in this series. eventually.

The Chemistry of Alchemy: From Dragon's Blood to Donkey Dung, How Chemistry Was Forged by Cathy Cobb, Monty Fetterolf, Harold Goldwhite - i have alchemical symbols tattooed on me specifically as a thing about scientific progress and the evolution of more accurate ideas from things that seem profoundly absurd now and how that seems to be a lot of how life works. so this is relevant to my interests.

i would love to put some kind of genre fiction on here that i am choosing to read for me and not as maintenance of familial bonds that keep me alive but the truth is i have become so much of a fucking hater. and i just start picking apart books in unenjoyable ways. some of my haterisms are justified and some i know are "not" but they both mess with my enjoyment the same and reading books is no longer a cheap and easy way to pass time for me, it takes a fair amount of effort on my part, so i am PICKY. so probably i should reread something i know i liked. how about

The Traitor Baru Cormorant by Seth Dickinson - reread. it was good. i like when people go to unhinged lengths very quickly and go 'yes. this was the only reasonable course of action. i am very wise and i have my emotions and desires under my control' and you can see their heart squirming around in their clenched fist.

hopefully i will write enough this year that editing and rereading my own work will qualify as reading a novel-length work.

tagging people who read/want to read. go forth. tag me in it so i can see what other people are reading and maybe get more stuff to add to my own reading list.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Sorry if u have already answered this or this isn’t really ur blog focus but how do u structure and come up with ideas for such good and lengthy analysis?

Do u read and see the shows contents multiple times? Or interact with other fans/ fandom?

And once u have an idea how do u go about it?

— from a small niche fandom blog

I'm honored that you think my stuff is good! As for how I come up with it, well, I'll answer as best I can, but I don't know how useful it will be? If you wanna ask something more specific, feel free!

Most of my posts are responses to asks, so my general process is to read the ask, think about it as I go about my life, and then write a response once I feel like I have my thoughts in order. Then I add the post to my queue so I can reread it at least once before it actually posts to catch any errors and make sure it reads coherently. I usually find the time to do that, though not always.

The posts that aren't asks are just me talking about random things that I can't stop thinking about, so I need to scream into the void to get my brain to move on. Those ideas come from random thoughts, a trend I notice in fanfic, comments/reblogs in my asks, and a whole host of other places. I've got one post in my queue right now that I'm pretty sure was spawned by my latest rewatch of The Good Place, but I can't be sure about that. I don't try to look for post topics, they just come to me.

I don't watch the show over and over. Not really my thing. I've seen all of Miraculous seasons 1 to 3 once and I've seen most of seasons 4 and 5 twice (once subbed, once dubbed). Origins and Oblivio are the only exceptions. They're my favorite episodes, so I think I watched them a few times back before season four aired and my feeling toward the show started to really sour. When I'm pulling quotes, I just rely on my memory and the fan wiki, which has transcripts for all of the English episodes, allowing me to fact check myself. I occasionally pull up a specific episode to check the visuals in a given scene, but that's really rare and I only do it because I have access to the streaming version. If my SO ever cancels Disney+, then I'll be script only.

I read other fan analysis if it crosses my dash, but I don't go looking for it or follow any super active blogs. While I think there are others with valuable input out there, I already spend enough time thinking about Miraculous for my own blog, so I try to focus my energy in other spaces when I'm not managing said blog. I don't like to endlessly scroll on Tumblr and only follow blogs that don't post much to keep from feeling overwhelmed or sucked in.

I started talking about Miraculous on here because I found it genuinely fascinating how badly it was written. I think you could teach an entire class on basic writing principles using Miraculous as a case study because there are so many things it does wrong and failure really is a fantastic teacher. But the analysis I do for Miraculous isn't a skill that's unique to Miraculous. What you see on this blog is my default state. This is just how my brain works. How I engage with the majority of media. When I finish watching or reading something that I didn't like, I want to understand why I didn't like it and how it could be shaped into something I would like.

It's a honed skill. I've been obsessed with story telling since I was a little kid and my parents sort of accidentally started training me on analysis at a young age. Add in years of voracious reading and several excellent English teachers and I'm able to run this blog without too much mental effort. Talking and thinking about writing are legitimately fun for me. This stuff is my "I'm too drained to write" hobby.

None of this makes me some arbiter of quality or means that I understand every point of view about what makes a story good. All it means is that I know enough about writing to be able to clearly articulate why I like or dislike the way a story was told.

I guess that's the one piece of advice I can give. When you find something that bugs you, really think about why. Was it just a matter of taste or is there something more? Does it seem like the flaw is an intentional writing choice or not? Why? What changes could you make to fix the flaw? Can you make those changes without completely rewriting the story? Those are the kinds of fixes I look for first. There are certainly cases where massive change is needed, but looking for small changes will really hone that analytical ability to improve your writing as it forces you to focus on the fine details of the way stories work.

[ohwolfling]

So I re-read your "Gale gets a bj" fic, because it's one of my favorite things, and I was wondering... do you think Gale immediately starts finding it easier to let Tav do things for him/to him in bed, or does it take a while, with maybe some or a lot of protesting/fussing until he can relax and enjoy it? And I guess the same question out of bed as well: when does he let himself be taken care of by someone other than Tara?

First, thank you so much for reading and rereading. I'm glad it resonates. 💖

What I think is so appealing about any relationship dynamic in Baldur's Gate 3 is that inherently these people have to lean on one another. You have to be open enough to say when you need to rest, when your personal shit will heighten danger or offer a boon. You eat together. You camp together. And when you add romance to that... it's romance born of your worst circumstances so to some extent your worst self. So in little ways, Gale (& everyone) are forced into this sort of communal openness.

I think that a Gale who gets to go on and live a life, especially with a partner he trusts, is probably thrilled by trust. It's scary but it's a but it's an adrenaline rush. You're dealing with that buzzy, chaotic feeling of being in love, the confusing cocktail of emotions after several near death experiences, and you keep doing this Big NoNo- WANTING, TRUSTING- but instead of certain doom you just get your needs met or you compromise or even if you get a no you get to live and read a book and make pasta or whatever.

So I think that by the time Gale and Tav are building a deeper relationship or even an entire life together some of the MANY walls he has up as Wizard of Waterdeep™️ and Mystra's Chosen™️ are down for Tav. They might pop up in unexpected places - you don't know your triggers until they trigger you- but most of the time Gale is open to being Gale.

Here's my idea of that timeline, results may vary depending on your Tav or your interpretation of Gale, but ya know:

1-3 months post danger of knee-jerk "anything you need? Is this good? No but I can make this a celestial four way, are you sure?" And because Gale thought he was gonna ctrl alt del after that first time with Tav, he accepts the let's bone normal because I want YOU thing and so is comfortable accepting it each time. His acts of service extend far past the bedroom so I imagine this time period probably has a lot of panic attacks or just so worked up he's vibrating about like... bringing breakfast in bed, trying to make EVERY DINNER a romantic dinner, stuff like that.

Performance giving sex god Gale is a thing he actually enjoys but I really think that goes on for A WHILE. I don't think that stops until Tav stops it (the choice I made for the fic) or some other big thing occurs that flips the switch in his brain into, "oh, we're just... we're together and no one is leaving over a bad mood or a bad day." Theres definitely space here too for potential breaks or break ups honestly because in having no boundaries he might accidentally disrespect his partner's boundaries or start shutting down himself without realizing it because ultimately one way relationships make him miserable... but he doesn't know anything else.

But outside of that, if he has a partner who will communicate with him and meet him where he is, if he has wizard therapy, if he has the tools and support system to unpack the abusive god marriage he escaped, I don't think he's someone who fusses or protests. It is very clear (to me at least) that Gale's people pleasing, performing, and chasing of greatness were maladaptive coping mechanisms born from a boy who genuinely wanted to care for people and animals and loves entertaining people and loves learning. Gale is so interesting because his flaws aren't the opposite of him. He's very much himself. His traits just mutated to navigate wizard academia, Waterdhavian politics, & an abusive relationship he was groomed into through all of it, from childhood. If pleasing and teasing him makes his partner happy, that's ultimately his goal.

I'll say too that while I think Gale's default in a mortal relationship would be a kind of submission I am very pro Soft Dom Gale. I don't think Gale would have any framework in the timeline of the game to consider that sex can be a fluid give and take, that domination doesn't need to be godhood or invented orgasm heaven, that the dynamics of a relationship and the existence of love will remain unchanged or even strengthened by that sort of exploration sexually. With Mystra, intimacy is a CHALLENGE. A test. She teased him with a bigger world of magic, a space and a home only she could get to, and I think a common misread is that he wanted to dominate her... but if he talks to the mirror in the little hidden wizard workshop about his desires his true desire and being home, in his tower, and it being a safe haven for him and a partner. Gale wanted equality. Gale wanted to take her home or else become worthy of her home.

That was A LOT but I have so many thoughts about Gale!!!

[nalyra-dreaming]

Heey, I've finished Memnoch, and I'm evidently among those crazy people who enjoy it a lot. Although it would land differently if I didn't read ahead. The further I go, the more this wet cat of a man entices me. PL Lestat did something to my brain, I will probably love all the mad shenanigans now. + The ending made a lot of sense after TVA and Blood and Gold. I kiiind of regret I've skipped this part at first, though, because now I'm curious what the ending would do to me without spoilers 🤣

So, a question. How did Armand's religious frenzy look for you when other novels haven't come out yet? I'm not sure I would have understood it the same way only with his TVL chapter. And what did you think in general with the context of what Anne was saying at the time? It kinda did feel like she didn't want to write about them anymore and wanted to explore something else. So I get why people would be confused.

By now I enjoy it a lot as well!! It grew on me on second reread, which is not that far back actually, and was followed by a pause and then a third. There is a lot in there and a lot that makes one think, and a lot... crazy stuff *laughs*

So this was, by statement, supposed to be the last book. Then. She did not want to write them anymore, indeed.

Which, you might imagine, was devastating, with that ending.

Armand gone up in flames, others, too. Lestat mad, jaded and slinking into obscurity.

I didn't touch the books for the longest time.

I'm not sure I can answer your question wrt to Armand and his religious frenzy. It's... been a while (maybe others want to add on with their experiences here?!) - I just remember that reading it all... was devastating.

Louis, crying and begging at the locked doors. The absolute despair in it all, in the grief of losing Armand.

Lestat saying: "Adieu, mon amour." the last thing in the book.

The whole book screams for some answers. Answers that are still denied in the end. Was it the Devil? Was it God? Was it purgatory? Did Armand sacrifice himself there for anything that is true? Or was it just a futile gesture, which brought only pain, no relief... I can understand the utter shock to the system actual proof had to produce in Armand - him, a child of the Children of Satan, being confronted with the actual proof within this universe.

It must have been devastating as well, emotionally, and for his soul.

So much of what he believed he had left behind and overcome... crushing him now.

Now, TVA followed. Merrick. Blood and Gold. Pandora. Blackwood Farm. Blood Canticle. I picked them up at some point, somewhat disbelievingly.

I did not really enjoy them the first time, after Memnoch the wound was still open, the yearning to get back to Lestat for some kind of resolution for him and Louis quite strong. The blow had been intense, and Merrick promised... and then the other books did not deliver. And Blood Canticle felt absolutely OOC, though I find it has its place now in his arc. Now.

Because back then I could not have dreamed that Anne would finish the arcs. Or some at least. Would pick up the threads for Louis, Lestat and even Claudia once more, reshape them. I had not dreamed that the last trilogy would give them resolution.

Would close so many wounds.

I'm older now. I understand a lot more about trauma, and pain, and loss, and how these things shape us.

I read these books now quite differently. Their voices sound differently in my mind. I know why Anne had to let Louis go, and why she struggled so hard. I can feel the pain of loss and the wish to find a higher purpose in the tale.

So yeah^^. Reading it back then without the other books... was indeed something^^. But I do enjoy rereading it now too. :)