#i feel kinda bad sometimes cause i get So many dream asks and there is a whole blog dedicated to them
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you should make a sideblog phannie-one-time-i-dreamt
this already exists actually! everyone should check out @dnp-dreams
#i feel kinda bad sometimes cause i get So many dream asks and there is a whole blog dedicated to them#not saying you can't send them to me you absolutely can but maybe send some over there as well yknow#answered
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dealer!rafe can't keep his promises and she can't keep doing this...
c/w: mostly angst, yelling & arguing, dealer!rafe being kinda toxic
wc: 1.5k
inspired by this ask (sorry it took me forever but it's here now!)
part one
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Exhaustion weighs down Rafe’s shoulders when he finally clicks the front door shut; hoping his arrival won’t disturb his sweet angel he assumes is already buried safely under the covers and lost in some saccharine dream of hers.
However, when he kicks off his shoes and turns around, he notices her sleepy form standing in the hallway— clad in pajama bottoms and his favorite hoodie along with something akin to dissatisfaction flashing in her drowsy eyes.
“Hey, baby. Did I wake you?” he asks as he pads over to her; greeting her with a gentle kiss on her cheekbone.
“No, couldn’t really sleep. Was worried something happened cause you told me yesterday you were gonna be home in time for dinner,” the last part is drenched in accusation as she takes a step back.
“Shit, forgot to text you I wasn’t gonna make it, m’sorry,” his apologetic eyes flit over to her as he scratches at the back of his head.
“Yeah. But then again, think I would’ve been more surprised if you actually had shown up when you promised,” her displeased tone is crystal clear and it forces a heavy sigh to leave his throat.
“Okay, I know I haven’t been the best boyfriend recently, but there’s just been a lot of shit going on with the business and—”
“It’s always gonna be about that with you, isn’t it? Like why would you even care about my feelings when you’ve got the fucking money and the drugs, right?” she nearly snaps; drained from the constant lies and excuses that make her feel like he’s never going to put her first.
“What do you— what do you mean? Of course, I care about your feelings, why would you even say that? And you’re more important to me than all that other shit, okay?” there’s a furrow between his brows when he tries to comprehend what sort of a train this conversation is traveling on.
“I mean, do you even know how anxious I get whenever you come home late? When you don’t answer my calls? I— sometimes I think you’re…dead, okay? Do you know how exhausting that is?” she says with her face contorted in frustration due to the endless nights she’s spent thinking the worst and wondering why he could never keep his word.
“I’ve told you so many times that you don’t need to worry so much, nothing bad s’gonna happen,” he tries to reassure her but she merely shakes her head and rubs a hand over her face.
“But I do, cause it’s not something I can just turn off. And all you do is make these promises that you never keep and I just…I don’t know if I can do this anymore,” her watery eyes stare up at him in despair, making him frown.
“What are you talking about? You know I can take care of myself, I promise—”
“But that’s the thing, I don’t trust your promises anymore! You say you’re gonna do one thing, but then you get a call from Barry or whoever and you’re gone. Sometimes, you come back days later and that entire time you barely even text me!” her distressed voice is loud when she begins to pace around the hall.
“Hey, hey, c’mere, yeah?” he tries to placate her by pulling her flush against his chest for a hug that, despite her protests, she melts into. “Listen, I know my job isn’t always…ideal, but you— you knew that when we met, right?” he tries to reason along with a comforting squeeze to her waist.
“I just— I guess I didn’t realize it was gonna be this hard. I’ve never dated someone whose job is illegal,” she mumbles into his shirt before reluctantly withdrawing from the solace of his arms to get her point across.
“But when we started this, you also promised this wasn’t gonna affect my life. But wanna know what happened the other day when I was out with my friends? This creepy guy approached me and said he wanted his money, and if he wasn’t getting it soon, he was gonna find another payment method.”
“What the fuck? Did he— he didn’t hurt you, right?” he halts his movements while awaiting her answer with bated breath.
“No, but it was really fucking scary,” she mutters out as she recalls how shaken up by the whole scene she’d been. However, when she’d dialed Rafe’s number with trembling fingers, the call had merely went into voicemail since he was apparently too busy to answer, as always.
“I swear he’s never gonna so much as look at you again, alright? You remember what he looked like?” he asks while tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, followed by his thumb petting at the apple of her cheek with his concerned eyes flickering over her face.
“Um…dirty hair, crazy eyes and this scar on his lip?” it’s easy to describe the guy’s appearance when the picture is permanently burned to her memory.
“That piece of shit— we already had an agreement on the fucking money. Why didn’t you tell me about this sooner?” a crease forms between his brows.
“Cause you’re never home!” she yells at him when her protracted emotional turmoil finally boils over the edge; saturating their entire relationship in the process.
“I was home yesterday and I’m home right now!” he matches her volume while his fingers tug at the roots of his bleached hair.
“Well, it’s not enough for me! And I just think that all of this is…too much, okay? I can’t— I can’t live like this anymore,” she admits with a forlorn tone.
He pauses.
“What are you saying? You’re…you’re leaving me?” he narrows his eyes in disbelief.
“I don’t know, I just— think I need some time,” she murmurs out.
“Time for what?” he seems perplexed by the entire concept of what she’s suggesting.
“To think! All I’ve been able to think about these days is whether you’re alive or not, whether you’re even gonna make it home! And I’m fucking tired of this, okay?”
It’s clear that she’s upset and that these thoughts have been bouncing around her skull for quite some time now. If this is her attempt at breaking up with him though, he’s not going to allow for that to happen.
“No, no,” he shakes his head. “Listen, I understand where you’re coming from, but you can’t just leave…no, okay? We’ll figure this shit out, yeah?” he tries to decipher what’s going on inside that head of hers with his gaze glued to her face— as if it’ll magically reveal all the answers he’s in a hopeless search for.
“I just— I don’t know if that’s possible.”
“No, don’t say that. We’ll get through this like we always have,” he’s determined to change her mind, but she merely lets out a weary exhale.
“Rafe, you’re not listening to me.”
“I am! You’re just not thinking clearly. Why don’t we, uh, go to bed and tomorrow when we’re both well-rested we can talk about this better and—”
“I don’t wanna talk about this tomorrow!” she huffs out, frustrated, making his distraught face crumple up as he tries to decide which way to approach this in order to not upset her more than he already has.
“Listen, listen. I’ll, uh, I’ll be better, okay? I’ll work less and—”
“You always say that but— but you’re never gonna change! And I thought I could handle this, but I can’t,” she sounds defeated; rueful eyes flitting away from his pleading ones when teardrops begin to trickle down; dampening the skin of her cheeks.
“No, you can’t— you can’t leave me. I need you. I love you,” his frantic rambles pour down his tongue when he takes her face into his callused palms— her eyes momentarily closing in response to his tender touch.
“Rafe…please don’t make this any harder than it already is.”
“And you love me too, yeah?” he doesn’t pay her resistance any mind. She notices how his own eyes grow glossy as well, even if he tries to blink away the liquid yearning to leak.
“Of course I do,” she hums out; nodding her head that’s squished between his paws— heavy droplets soaking his palms.
“Then that’s all that matters. We can make this work,” his tone is definitive.
“I just— I don’t know if we can,” she sniffles.
“Don’t say shit like that. We can, okay? I’ll call Barry right now and tell him I need some time off with my girl, yeah? And we’ll figure this shit out.”
At that, she lets out a melancholic sigh— resting her forehead on his chest when he pulls her flush against him with a consoling grip on her waist. The warmth of his body feels familiar; feels like home, but she’s already made her decision.
He holds her close until they both travel to dreamland with their limbs tangled together, the steady rhythm of their breathing creating a muffled melody in their bedroom.
However, when the amber rays of sunlight tickle his cheeks in the following morning, and he turns around to face her; he finds nothing more than her side of the bed bleak and desolate.
The entire house void of the only good thing in his life.
#haven't written anything that's purely angst before so this was fun!!#dealer!rafe#rafe fanfiction#rafe obx#rafe outer banks#rafe x reader#rafe cameron#rafe imagine#rafe cameron x reader#rafe angst#rafe cameron angst#rafe cameron and reader#rafe cameron and y/n#obx fanfiction#obx#obx fic#outer banks#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron outer banks#rafe cameron obx#rafe cameron au#rafe cameron prompt#rafe cameron scenarios#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron x female reader#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron blurb
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Astrology Observations- 013
I notice Cap Mercurys think so maturely even from such a very young age. These were those kids that always wanted to hang around people older than them. They are old souls at heart and sometimes it’s harder for them to connect with more childlike energies. People their age can see them as boring because of their serious demeanor.
Leo Risings never like to show the sides to them that make them look bad in anyway. These people have big egos so any assumption from others that they aren’t anything but great can take a big toll on their self esteem. They come off so confident but most are really insecure & don’t think they are interesting so they tend exaggerate a lot of facts about them to keep people thinking they are really interesting and amazing. (U guys don’t need ti do that people already think you are before you even speak)
Capricorn risings always look so annoyed when people are speaking to them. Most of the time they are. They have very honest expressions and when someone says something stupid or uninteresting they are more willing to show their uninterested while most are just willing to smile and take it out of being polite. This is why they can come off as rude or snobbish but really the just don’t have time for bullshit. (I definitely think Wednesday Addams has this placement) many don’t know they are being rude but most don’t have the energy to be fake if they really don’t like what the others saying. Very Real people many mistake them for being Scorpio risings.
Venus in Scorpios were probably shamed a lot for their their sex appeal/drives. I notice these people have a very provocative vibe to them that causes a lot of ppl to sexualize them ( especially the women). I’ve seen women with this placement be virgins and still get slut shamed. People always assume they sleep with mad people even if it’s not true.
Moon in 5th housers are actually very secretive about their talents. A lot are so talented but most tend to keep their hobbies and interests to themselves unless they really trust you.
When someone with Venus in the 7th house likes you they will talk about their future a lot with you. This one guy had a big crush on me and would always joke about getting married and starting a life someday ( he made it sound as a joke but in a way I can tell he meant it). Also can be obsessed with weddings. I have a friend with this placement who says she’ll only wanna get married to experience having her dream wedding lol
Venus in 2nd house women always have people buying them things bro. They don’t even have to ask and men will be buying them expensive gifts or paying for their food or trips. Definition of pretty privilege.
Mars in Aquarius like very eccentric things in bed. It’s almost like they enjoy the opposite of what should be expected in bed. Like the women would like to take normally the male role in bed and vice versa a man with this placement could like a very submissive role. The weirder and more out of place the more turned on they get. Can also be really experimental they are willing to try anything once even if it’s outlandish.
Mars in Aries are usually natural athletes. They have amazing endurance and can become pros faster than most.
Virgo moons usually have bad stomach problems or eating disorders. They are also always giving unsolicited advice no one asked for. They feel this need to solve everything but it can come off as kinda judgmental.
Mars in Pisces are usually victims to bullying. They usually have a hard time asserting themselves and standing up so they get pushed around a lot easier by stronger more dominant energies.
Cap moons are always in denial of their feelings
Mars Square Venus synastry can be really awkward at times in a friendship. Theres this bizarre sexual and touchy tension usually that both aren’t fully comfortable with. The mars person can come off a little too strong and can treat the Venus as if they own them. This attraction can be one sided sometimes with the mars person wanting the Venus and the Venus getting repulsed and distancing themselves. I’ve seen the mars person get jealous if the Venus would hang out with others whether it be other friends or family. And if the Venus is dating someone else this can get really heated on the mars end. Venus will feel the attraction but I notice it’s not as strong.
Venus in 5th house synastry is soooooo flirty. These are those cheesy cringey couples that are always acting like little kids around eachother. It’s actually a really sweet placement. This person will be able to bring out your inner child.
Venus in Libras are always crushing on someone. They jump into relationships I think faster than people with Venus in Aries the only difference is that they can maintain longer term partnerships & don’t bore as quick (even if their feelings are a little superficial). They just don’t know what to do with themselves when they are alone.
Scorpio risings I notice get really strong reactions out of people (like Lilith/asc people) their words make others blood boil even if they really don’t say anything offensive or rude. Most people are jealous of their authenticity which is why a lot of Scorpio risings are quiet and not as willing to open up. People just hate on them so intensely for the littlest things. They also have this ability to know if people are genuine or not which can be intrusive to certain people causing intense reactions. They can see thru everyone’s mask which can make other feel uncomfortable to be around them. This is why they usually have few friends and the friends they do have are as authentic as themselves. Literal human lie detectors
Men that have a water sun with a water moon are BIG SIMPS
Cancer sun women will be passively rude to you if they don’t like you or are jealous of you. They won’t straight say it but they will say little comments in a nice way that’s actually really rude. Then usually play victim if confronted
Everyone’s crush in high-school was either a Scorpio sun or a Libra sun/rising. Tell me I’m lying
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003. ༺RED HANDED༻∘
a/n: i hate this chapter tbh but i'm excited for the next one 👀
summary: after getting unexpectedly left by your roommate, you find yourself in need of a replacement.
contents: reader is down bad. paige in a situationship. kinda angsty. this chapter is from paige is pov but it's not in first person if that makes sense 😭😭
previous. next. masterlist.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
it’s not weird being this attracted to someone in such close proximity to you. is what paige thinks every time she sees you. after your little late night interrogation a week ago, paige has started to see you differently. it’s an almost out of body experience for her considering she’s never allowed herself to stray too far away from olivia. normally, when she starts to develop these minor feelings for another person she’d just distance herself from them…but that’s kind of hard to do when you live with them.
“i swear you’re never paying attention to anything ever…” azzi chuckles in paige’s direction, shaking her head at the confused look paige gives her. paige is sitting on her gaming chair but it’s faced away from her entertainment system, towards the bed where azzi is laying.
“my fault.” paige clears her throat and shakes her head as if she’s trying to shake away her thoughts. thoughts of you. “what were you saying?”
azzi just stares at paige for a few moments before saying. “is it olivia…again?”
she rolls her eyes and grumbles. “the world does not revolve around olivia.” she says it slowly. like if the words left her mouth with enough conviction, even she could believe them. it doesn’t work.
azzi laughs again. “okay, sure, but your world kinda does…i mean, if she asks you to jump you’ll say how high.”
okay, maybe that’s true… it's definitely true. but even then, it wasn’t like paige relies on olivia.
“sometimes it kinda feels like you rely on her.” azzi continues making paige sigh to herself.
about a year ago, paige met olivia at the library. she was the first and only girl she had been with after she realized she also liked girls. at the beginning, all they really did was talk. about anything. everything. paige told her all the things she’d never told anyone before: her insecurities, dreams, feelings about the little things…and olivia always listened. with rapt attention. paige appreciated how it never felt like she judged her for any of the shit she told her, she just listened and understood and that felt like magic. she had been chasing that feeling for months now but to no avail. maybe that’s why she stays. a foolish part of her feeling like eventually she could get that feeling back.
“you’re annoying…” she mumbles and azzi chucks a pillow at her.
“i’m not wrong though…”
paige opens her mouth to reply but pauses when she gets a call. olivia.
azzi snickers again, shrugging as if to say ‘point proven’ when paige immediately picks up the phone. she gives her friend a pointed look as if to say ‘shhh’. putting the phone to her ear, she mumbles hello softly but guarded –– preparing for either apologies aplenty or immediate hostility considering that they haven’t spoken since their argument last week which caused olivia to stomp out of the apartment.
“why haven’t you called me?” olivia mutters dryly on the other line, paige shuts her eyes and sighs. immediate hostility it is.
“i just thought you wanted space…”
“what? so you can spend extra time with your little ‘roommate’? no way.”
paige practically flinches at the mention of you. unsure of why the very thought of you gives her goosebumps. it felt like time stopped. as if paige had a moment to process not only olivia’s words but her reaction to them. she clears her throat before continuing.
“oh my god, how many times do i have to tell you it’s not like that, liv!” paige begins to get frustrated at the girl on the other line. feeling herself get defensive as soon as she hears how upset olivia is. azzi puts her airpods in as she tries to ignore the impending argument.
“then what is it like?!”
“she’s my roommate.” paige stresses over the phone, groaning as she speaks. ever since olivia found out you liked women, she’s been overly jealous at the amount of time paige spends in your presence. “that’s all.”
“liar.” olivia scoffs, the simple word is spoken gently but it’s duplicitous. the tenderness of it only meant to mask the true emotion behind it in hopes of getting a genuine answer. only meant to hide the anger.
“what — “
“you’re attracted to her.”
that brings paige pause. she didn’t expect olivia to notice. that got her wondering if it was obvious. was olivia just being jealous per usual or did she actually know. could everyone tell? could you?
“oh? nothing to say now?” olivia spits out, venom laced words mumbled bitterly through the phone and bleeding out of the speaker into paige's ear. it’s whiplash. she gives paige fucking whiplash. going from yelling to gentleness to calm to anger.
“liv…” she sighs. “you’re being crazy again.”
wrong thing to say…
“crazy?!” she shouts again making paige roll her eyes.
then it stops. all the shouting and the malice. it melts down until all that remains is a monotone voice which scared paige far more than any of the yelling or mood swings ever did. “so you’re denying that you’re attracted to her?”
paige swallows, not wanting to hesitate but not sure of exactly how to respond. the obvious answer was to lie and say no ––– claim that olivia, who didn’t even want to date paige, was the only one she wanted. but then she let her thoughts slip to images of her telling the truth. saying yes. ending things with olivia. it almost felt too freeing. like discovering uncovered territory, new and open and terrifying. would it make her happier? that question brought paige pause too and that’s what scared her the most. the what if. so no matter how good it might feel to admit the truth…she goes with the safe choice.
“of course i’m not.” it’s a blatant lie. purely for survival.
then came the scariest sound paige hears. far worse than the screaming or the monotone: silence. olivia’s silence means…
“you know what? i’m done.”
“baby, what?” paige rushes out, eyes widening as her heart starts to beat frantically.
“we’re done.”
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Mondo 👉👈 could you explain all the ways you connect the song Home to Wytyaa?…. Like Important Lyrics. I have been listening to it a lot and I need to know for reasons. :)
oli you have no idea how long i’ve been waiting for someone to ask this. all the lyrics are technically important, and i may or may not have storyboarded scenes to this song in my head lmaooo. i’ve been wanting to talk abt this for SO FUCKING LONG so here we go!!!
Often I am upset that I cannot fall in love but I guess
This avoids the stress of falling out of it
jay doubting whether nya actually wants to be with him or if she’s just pitying him, when he wakes up from passing out in chap 6
Are you tired of me yet?
I'm a little sick right now but I swear
When I'm ready I will fly us out of here
this is jay noticing the others are getting worried and him sitting with all his bad thoughts, also as him talking to nya, kinda like “once i get my shit together and get over this, i’ll make things better”
I'll cut my hair
To make you stare
jay and nya both subtly subconsciously changing their appearances to separate themselves from what happened
I'll hide my chest
And I'll figure out a way to get us out of here
jay hiding his scars and trying to ignore everything for nya’s sake, intending to keep his promise of fixing his mistakes
Turn off your porcelain face
jays facade dropping and the others getting progressively more worried
I can't really think right now in this place
cole confronting jay abt his scars and jay getting overstimulated he lashes out
There's too many colors enough to drive all of us insane
jay freaking out when he gets high from the pain meds and yelling at kai for touching him the day after alec breaks his wrist
Are you dead?
jay seeing nya’s dead body when he looks at her
Sometimes I think I'm dead
jay/nya feeling the phantom pains
'Cause I can feel ghosts and ghouls wrapping my head
jay hearing nadakhan’s and the pirates voices in his head
But I don't wanna fall asleep just yet
jay having that dream
My eyes went dark
nya finding out abt the SA
I don't know where
My pupils are
jay looking in the mirror and hating his eye/scars
But I'll figure out a way to get us out of here
again, jay trying to be ok for nya
Get a load of this monster
He doesn't know how to communicate
this is most definitely jay thinking his friends hate him while he’s alone on the ship
His mind is in a different place
jay spacing out during scrap n tap, thinking of how the others see him
Will everybody please give him a little bit of space
transition back to him training with lloyd the day after he resets time and freaking out, accidentally hurting lloyd in the process
Get a load of this train-wreck
His hair's a mess and he doesn't know who he is yet
this is him stuck in the memories and believing everything nadakhan and the pirates said abt him, hallucinating and seeing nadakhan at random times
But little do we know, the stars
Welcome him with open arms
slowly fades to the present, where the others keep trying to prove they love him
Time is
nya and jay having the conversation where she talks abt the extent of her trauma
Slowly
jay and nya laughing together while lightly training in the middle of the night
Tracing his face
their talk w wu when he says he’s proud of them
But strangely he feels at home in this place
and finally, the last scene of chapter 7, where jay and nya come and sit with the others after their talk w wu, and jay finally cries with relief as he cuddles w the others
i hope i explained this well enough, please feel free to ask me if anything needs clarification :D
#wytyaa#wytyaa related asks#thank you oli for giving me the excuse to ramble abt the animatic i storyboarded in my head to this song asdfghjkl
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I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! Okay so honestly I have been very very inconsistent over the years with just disappearing for periods of time due to various things 😂 So it probably seemed pretty normal to most people.
But it felt different on my side, so I'm excited to be back in business. I took a month long hiatus! 31 days of not drawing digital art. Its not something I talk about on here? But I've been suffering from some serious long term Art Burnout for.... a really really long time. Long enough that I should've taken a break probably years ago. It finally got so bad that I could barely draw. I was scared to do it (cause it always looked "bad" in my eyes [i'll come back to that]) and doing it was exhausting and disheartening.
I talked it over with somebody and realized that the fear and anger and frustration I felt towards my own artwork was uh. Not Normal or Healthy. And I finally committed to taking a real break for once.
I still drew a little bit by hand? Traditional art has always felt like it has lower stakes for me (i don't often share it online, and sometimes I don't even share it with friends) so I did some of that when I felt like it. But Digital art was completely off the table.
I had put such an immense pressure on myself to make my digital art perfect, to make as much of it as quickly as possible to satisfy something. It wasn't fun anymore. I'm proud of what i've made over the years! But for a long time now the stuff I've been making was made while hating every second of making it. With some rare exceptions.
I hated my art! It was a combination of Perfectionism, taking in too many external expectations, and the burnout. If you hate doing something its kinda hard to love it even when you want too lol. It wasn't "Bad" in the sense that the quality was low and it was ugly! It was "Bad" in the sense that it was unhealthy for me to keep doing it at that point in time.
I'm glad to report though, that with my hiatus officially over as of Wednesday last week: I am once again. In Love. With doing art, and being an artist :)
I put off taking a break for years cause I was scared that taking a break would mean that I would never achieve all the things I wanted to do with art. I was scared it was a stupid and lazy thing to do that would mean I'd never achieve my dreams. And Also even though I kinda hated drawing, I also loved making art. Its a weird duality that I can't even really explain??? I hated it but I also loved it. I wanted it but I also wanted to run from it. It wasn't until I was more mature and had more clarity and insight (and unfortunately also until the problems got worse) that I was finally able to let go of those fears and just do it.
And I'm really really glad I did. It was everything I needed. And I hope to strike a better balance in the future with art. Taking more breaks when I need them, or just when other things have my attention like reading or Video games (Some star rail got played during this time xD)
From the outside things probably aren't going to be that different?? At this point I don't really have any sure plans to post anything I've been drawing since my Hiatus ended. I might or I might not xD I'm still a hobbyist artist taking things at her own pace, but I hope that it shows how much happier I am :)
Whumptober 2023 is being officially put to rest by this post btw! I was in major burnout when that event started, and I'm ready to just, move on from all the past expectations I'd shoved on my shoulders. If I feel like filling any of the prompts or going back to any of the ideas I'd come up for it I will! But I'm not going to worry about doing it unless the desire sets in. Thanks to everybody who's been so kind to me throughout my time on here as an artist! Ya'lls tags and screaming and kind words, the fanfic, the asks and the responses? Its been fantastic :) You guys have made me laugh, smile, and cry tears of joy. I hope from here that things only get better and sweeter! And if I have bad days again, that's okay too.
Here's to 2024 and whatever it may bring ya'll :D 🎉🎉✨✨🧡💜
#isa screams#long post#gif#flashing#i think? Lemme know if I'm incorrect on that one alksdjfLKSJDJDSG#I don't normally talk this much so its kinda strange?#its kinda nice to be more honest about this stuff though#I'm a bit more of a private person so its hard to find the balance between wanting to discuss things openly and honestly#but with the fact that I don't owe the entire world an explanation for everything I do#its a tricky thing#but today I felt like doing this and I think that's okay#if i regret it I just won't do it again alsdjLSDJLFJSGSDG#thanks if you read this! I appreciate it!#I'm a pretty smalltime artist relatively. So sometimes it feels as though it doesn't mater what i say or express.#But hm. I doubt its really that simple or bleak#And if I don't respect myself then well. Who will right?#And I want to learn how to be happy with how little or how much I get#part of the reason I've done so poorly mentally as an artist is chasing numbers and outside praise instead of asking the harder questions#am i happy with what i do? what I make? Who I am#I'm going to probably be working on those questions and problems for the rest of my life.#But thats okay. Thats not a bad thing :)
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Ok so- hear me out- imagine this for nightmare and dream.
They have an s/o, everything is great! Although whenever they were in a bad mood, s/o would immediately know, and would sometimes complain that their negativity gave them headaches . At first they think nothing of it, they probably just weren’t that great at hiding their emotions, and the headache was probably just s/o being sad about them being upset. but soon by the way s/o described it, they noticed that it…was not normal. They described it as if they could sense the emotions around them!
As soon as Dream/Nightmare notices, they do a bit of questioning, and they’re able to figure out their s/o has the same ability to sense emotions as they do! S/o just had no idea that was what it was, and thought it was completely normal to see/sense peoples emotions like they do.
How the heck do they even have this power??? How do Dream/Nightmare even react to something like this?
This was such a good idea! :D Thank you for sending it to me!
Nightmare: At first Nightmare thought it was annoying, his S/o was being much too sensitive. He didn't react to his annoyance too often, normally he didn't shout or anything. He did get annoyed often though, just didn't react to it. Then he started to ask questions about their headaches, wondering if there was anything that he could do to help them stop getting the headaches. They reminded him of himself when he was younger when he was around too many positive emotions. Negative positive feelings, of course... Then he started to piece things together, and he was... confused? “You say that you can... sense that I am annoyed?” when he got the approval, he lets out a little hum and decides to try to do some tests. Finally he finds out the truth, you have similar powers to that of his own. How interesting... “No, that does not seem to be very normal with humans, Y/n.” he's going to keep an eye on this, see how far it goes, while also working on controlling his anger. He hated to be the cause of headaches for his datemate. He also helps them learn ways to control it so they wouldn't get headaches as often.
Dream: Dream tries his best to not be in bad moods, even when he's alone, he feels like he doesn't deserve to be allowed to feel bad. He's literally the guardian of positive emotions and positive energy. How is he supposed to be able to feel negative? Plus it also hurts you, for some reason... he finds it kinda exciting and wants to know exactly how you're able to tell whenever he feels bad. He thought that he's normally really good at hiding it! After a bit, he decides to ask some questions, and he learns that you could kinda... sense and or see emotions. It was a lot like what he could do, which was a shock! How in the world were you able to do that? It's a little worrying because now he couldn't hide it if he did feel bad. At least now he has an excuse to talk about his problems?
#Dreamtale#Dreamtale Dream#Dreamtale Dream Sans#Dreamtale Nightmare#Dreamtale Nightmare Sans#Dream#Dream X Reader#Reader X Dream#Nightmare#Nightmare X Reader#Reader X Nightmare#undertale alternate universe#undertale alternate timeline#undertale ask blog#undertale imagines#undertale au
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i'd love to hear some assorted Crutchie headcanons if you have them, I am collecting them like shiny rocks :)
thank you for the ask!! and now i shall go feral beast mode because I ABSOLUTELY LOVE CRUTCHIE, HES MY DREAM ROLE AND I PICKED MY NAME BASED OFF OF HIS IN THE JR VERSION!!! and this is mostly for livesies bc he’s more of a major character there
Crutchie is transmasc, asexual, and homoromantic
bridging off of the trans thing, he wears a lot of layers to hide the fact that he is not cis (totally not projecting on that one hahaaaaa)
this man is NOT neurotypical
also he really likes animal crackers
also he’s super casual about any health issues and does not like getting babied(as in he absolutely hates it and steams with rage when people baby him)
his favorite color is 💛yellow💛
this one is really specific but he has freckles on the bridge of his nose
he has called Miss Medda mom on multiple occasions, he eventually just started calling her “Mama Medda” (and Miss Medda’s heart completely melted)
he also always gets Mama Medda flowers for mother’s day, they may or may not be taken from central park
he gives the absolute best hugs and is the best at comforting people
he is the definition of the terms “walk softly but carry a big stick” and “do no harm, take no shit” as he doesn’t like causing problems or starting fights, but he has nearly broken people’s knees by wailing on them with his crutch to defend others
yeah, he’s a lover, not a fighter, but that doesn’t mean he won’t fight if he has to
animals love him and he loves animals, he is physically incapable of walking past a dog(or cat, or horse, or bug, or spider) on the street without petting it
branching off of this, he has brought SO MANY LITTLE CRITTERS BACK TO THE LODGING HOUSE (one time he brought a spider and that was the exact day Jack decided he was sleeping outside full time because the spider escaped and they never found it)
in the summertime, he likes sitting outside in the rain(if it’s light enough, that is) because he finds it really refreshing (it scares the heck out of everyone who cares about him because they’re worried he’ll get sick (this drives him a little bit crazy))
he loves hugs, like, adores them. giving, receiving, just seeing people happy when they get hugs, the warm and fuzzy feeling of them
Davey taught him about flower language(i hc that Davey likes flower language) and now he loves leaving little flowers with hidden meanings around for his friends
he just generally likes getting little gifts for his friends (even if some of them are just small fragments of metal he found on the ground or neat rocks)
very sentimental boy <3
he’s kinda bad at math so Elmer has to help him with it sometimes
still has some ptsd from The Refuge and this tends to mostly show up in nightmares, getting really scared/upset when people yell(especially if it’s at him and ESPECIALLY ESPECIALLY if it’s an older man bc that reminds him of Snyder), having panic attacks when passing by the building that used to be The Refuge, and windows with bars over them(that last one is more specifically for 92’sies bc of how The Refuge was)
on a lighter note, he loves his friends/found family/just about everyone more than most people even thought was possible
and if he ever got the chance to ride one, he’d absolutely adore ferris wheels
i know the crutchtrack shippers are few and far between BUT I AM ONE OF THEM SO HERES THE CRUTCHIE SIDE OF THAT
he was the most adorably awkward, painfully obvious, and painfully oblivious goober
it took MONTHS for both Race and Crutchie to actually realize the other was into them
Crutchie ended up actually confessing through a letter that he shoved in Races hands before skedaddling as fast as possible
once they do get together, they’re both absolute cuddle monsters
Crutchie still gets SO UNBELIEVABLY FLUSTERED every time Race flirts with him
that’s it for now, I WILL ABSOLUTELY TALK MORE ABOUT CRUTCHTRACK IF YOUSE WANT, but yes thank you so much for letting me rant about my favorite boy and sorry that this got sorta long <3
#crutchie morris#crutchie newsies#casey’s newsies nonsense#newsies headcanons#livesies#92sies#newsies#crutchtrack
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Hi dad,
Today I had a panic attack.
I was overwhelmed, because my mom so sick, my migraines and dizziness and other stuff have been getting worse, algebra 2 is overwhelming sometimes, and I just feel drained because of it.
I didn’t lash out or anything, but I kinda just cried quietly and tried to eat dinner. I ate half of it, which was hard, but I threw the rest away.
I wanted to sh so bad, and the urges have been getting worse.
I’ve been finding new coping mechanisms, so that’s good, and they’ve been working.
I was able to lock myself in the bathroom and calm down, but I kinda just feel drained and somehow still anxious from it. I don’t know what to do. I have an awesome mom and older sister I can talk to, but it’s really hard to talk about stuff sometimes, and I really don’t want to bother anyone. I’m in therapy and on meds, but it’s just so hard sometimes, and everything just feels like to much sometimes. And I always feel like I’m faking it. Like my stimming is fakes. Like my interests are fake. Like my emotions are fake. Like my whole sense of self is fake. And like, I know it’s not true. I know I am autistic (diagnosed when I was 8), I know I’m passionate about infectious pathology, I know I feel stuff, I know I’m a guy, and that living as a girl was hell for me, but my emotions always feel fake and distant and numb, and I always doubt myself. I need to cry a lot, like breakdown and sob and scream, but I can’t, and it just feels so frustrating.
And I’ve just been having so many memories come up from my childhood, and it just makes me so sad.
I had a dream last night that I was shopping with my cousin (who helped me through a lot, and was my best friend during tough situations. I haven’t seen her in 5 years), and I just miss her so much. It made me so sad and happy at the same time, and I just wish I could see her again.
I miss my older brother (I haven’t seen him in 5 years either), and I just want to make sure he’s ok, and give him a hug.
I keep getting random memories of an old neighbor we used to live by, who was so seeet and kind. We trusted him a lot, and played in his backyard and porch area frequently. He always had those little popsicles that are in the plastic tube thingy, and he always gave me the blue ones cause he knew they were my favorite. And though we haven’t seen him in years (we moved a lot), I miss him, and hope he’s doing ok.
I always want to help out more, and feel like I’m not doing enough. I just want to be more useful and see people smile. I like being helpful, and it hurts when I can’t do something on my own.
I feel stupid and lazy all the time. I suck at math, and can’t focus. It’s just so hard to focus, and my brain has been fogging more often in the past few years, and I just want to do something right for once.
I don’t know how to tell my mom about this, but I know that I really need to, because I don’t want to relapse again, and I don’t want to scare anyone.
Do you have any advice?
Also, I hope this ask finds you well.
Please make sure to drink some water, eat something, shower/bathe, and get some rest
Thanks for reading this :)
Hey kiddo! That sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself bud. Im so proud of you for resisting the urge to self harm. I know personally how hard that is but I'm so proud of you. No matter how fake it feels, it isn't. It sounds to me like you're invalidating your own feelings there bud. However you're feeling is true. You aren't stupid or lazy, you have so much going on right now and it's okay to be overwhelmed sometimes. Life is crazy and loud and a whirlwind and calm and warm and painful- it's so many things, it's natural to be overwhelmed by it sometimes. I would really really recommend talking to someone if you feel like you're gonna self harm. It isn't a burden to them, they care about you as much as you care about them.
- dad x
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can i have some fun facts about sumiko please :3 🤲🤲
HI KIT!! OFC!! if this gets long, my bad. i sometimes get a little insane about my own inserts and their lore because its based off so many dreams and studying. THANK U FOR ASKING BTW!!
sumiko was born as li fānguá, but to assimilate better into japan, she goes by sumiko. (any pronouns, she/they/he) he doesn't... really like being in japan but they have no choice now. and they became a demon slayer to protect her younger brother after their host family basically left them for dead. they are a reincarnation of k0kus wife and all of her rage and hurt from being left by him when he decided to run off and become a fuckass demon. sumiko is now the rainbow hashira!
ONTO THE FUNFACTS!!
sumiko is related to muichiro! not like close, close, but sumiko is technically muichiro's great, great, great (how many) grandma! since well sumiyo (her past life) and michi had kids who had kids. you know what i mean. i am so smart. muichi is very close so sumiko and kinda sees her like a mother figure. sumiko shows the same motherly love and tries her best to protect and guide him. wants him to eat his vegetables and treats him to sweets when she can. the only other two she shows htis same energy towards is nezuko and tanji
she's the same height as shinobu *4'11! the only difference is that she's stronger than her. sumiko understands shinobu. but she isnt a therapist and she will not play the role of a therapist so she doesn't... bother telling shinobu about her understanding or even trying to help her emotionally. thats.. not her problem LMFAO.
tried to kill giyu. its.. a long story. but after seeing nezuko and tanjiro and how giyu protected them. she kinda went ballistic and tried to choke giyu in his sleep. she stopped herself when she realized what she was doing and apologized to him. they never told anyone what happened. but he ends up avoiding giyu as much as possible ever since the incident.
i have main character syndrome, but ill gloss over it bc of embarrassment. but he has special blood. so muuuzan took an interest in him and took him into the infinity castle for experimenting and figuring out how he can use it. (if sumiko dies, the blood loses all of its special attributes) this is how he's reunited with k0kushibo who recognizes him instantly. sumiko willingly went with muuumuuu
sumiko gets along well with akaza and nakime. strangely enough has a lot of respect for them and doesn't try to cause any problems with them. uhm avoids doma cause he knows what doma does in his spare time and doesn't want to end up next. (although sumiko considers just.. dying at one point out of guilt and feeling like he betrayed everyone)
lets end on smth happy cause this shit is angsty as fuck. he really likes noodles. theyre his favorite in the entire world. (what kind of noodles? everything related to it.) its really cute because everyone sees him happily slurping at it and they tease him about it because he doesnt normally seem so happy like that. he used to share meals with muichi, rengoku, and mitsuri the most! despite everything, he does have friends! (....only two... which...are mitsuri and rengoku....) (his ass is so lonely and its his FAULTT STOP ACTING LIKE THAT AND BE NORMAALLL)
yeah thats it. imma stop here before it gets way too long yippieee!
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i can see you|kim jiwoong
currently playing: i can see you by taylor swift
synopsis: you and jiwoong are enemies, at least that’s what everyone thinks.
tags: kim jiwoong x f!reader, suggestive, slight angst, forbidden love, implied enemies to lovers, your fathers hate each other, implied smut, no dialogue
word count: 1.2k
a/n: my first song fic!! this has been sitting in my drafts for weeks and i finally finished it. my goal was 1k words so 1.2k wasn’t too bad. also challenged myself to not write any dialogue which was kinda fun!
it was another tiring day of socializing with people you couldn’t care less about. you were at the lee’s mansion for their annual gala, standing still next to your father as he pretended to be a good parent. after mr. kim had accused him of being a deadbeat father, he had made it his mission to bring his ‘beloved’ daughter everywhere with him. it was all about appearance and reputation with the rich and powerful.
you stood next to your parents in your black gown, giving people forced smiles and wishing to be anywhere else. feeling the need to get some fresh air, you whispered to your mother before leaving her side. having spent many events at the lee’s, you knew your way around the place, quickly making your way to the front door. however, you were stopped by an older lady who wished to talk to you.
as you had no way out of the conversation, you stayed to talk to mrs. jung. she asked the usual “is there any man you’re seeing?” and “when are you finally settling down?” questions women your age always get. you politely declined the lady’s offer to introduce his grandson to you, lying that you weren’t looking for love at the moment. during the conversation, however, you got completely distracted by a man who had just made his entrance, the one and only – kim jiwoong.
but what would you do if i went to touch you now? what would you do if they never found us out? what would you do if we never made a sound?
kim jiwoong was the oldest son of mr. kim, your father’s biggest competition and by proxy, your enemy. he was wearing his signature black suit and necktie. his hair styled back, looking good as ever. you weren’t the only one in the hall to take note of his arrival, as women and men alike swooned over his appearance. nonetheless, the man’s eyes only met yours.
your relationship with jiwoong was complicated. you were raised to hate him, to see him as your biggest competitor, but as time went on thinking badly of him became difficult. jiwoong was a great man. he was smart, polite and charming. he treated you as an equal, something many never even thought of. at some point you started to fall for him. fortunately, your feelings were reciprocated, but that was a secret only for the two of you.
it’s ironic how every time you got asked about love, weddings and settling down, somehow jiwoong always appeared. you were quite sure he was the love of your life, the person you wanted to experience all of life with. he looked at you, scanning you up and down, with what people call his ‘bedroom eyes’. you wished you could go up to him, be held by him, be called his woman in front of everyone in the room, but that was something you could only dream of.
‘cause i can see you waiting down the hall from me and i could see you up against the wall with me and what would you do, baby, if you only knew?
jiwoong’s presence made you forget why you were there in the first place, mrs. jung long forgotten. jiwoong’s gaze was making you shy, which was something only he was capable of doing. he loved it, always making it his mission to get your cheeks hue pink at events. he achieved this by subtle touches or lingering stares, sometimes even by making you jealous when talking closely with other women, making them laugh the way he couldn’t make you in public.
a smirk rised into his face as he noticed the blush on your face, once again succeeding in his mission. he slowly turned his gaze away from you, as to not seem too obvious for others. you took a deep breath, trying to calm your beating heart and all the thoughts in your head. you were finally able to get out of the mansion as you wished a long time ago. you took one last look at jiwoong, before closing the door behind you.
i could see you in your suit and your necktie passed me a note saying “meet me tonight” then we kiss, and you know i won’t ever tell
getting back to your parents before they would get angry, you made your way into the main hall. however, you were stopped at the entrance by a maid. you were confused at first before she passed you a note. opening the small piece of paper, you were met by a familiar handwriting. ‘meet me tonight - j’, a smile rising to your face as you read the words from your secret lover.
as you approached your family, your father immediately started introducing you to new people he had met while you were gone. him describing you as his ‘perfect’ daughter almost made you laugh. if he only knew all the things you did with the son of the person he hated the most.
where you stood, you had the perfect view of jiwoong. he was talking with some people as well, trying his best to hide his disinterest. a strand of his hair had fallen out of place, sticking into his forehead. he stood confidently, with pride, as his father complimented him. his eyes finally met yours, like he had sensed your gaze. a small smile came to his lips, his eyebrows rising in question. you gave him a little nod and a smile as confirmation. you were definitely meeting tonight, how could you resist him?
and i could see you being my addiction you can see me as a secret mission hide away and i will start behaving myself
the door in front of you opened, revealing jiwoong behind it. he stepped aside, letting you step right into his hotel room. he closed the door before turning around and opening his arms for you. you wrapped your arms around his torso, melting into his touch. his suit jacket and necktie long forgotten on the floor as he embraced you warmly.
jiwoong raised his hand, putting his palm against your cheek, caressing it softly. his eyes were conveying all the love he had for you. your eyes travelled across his face, down to his lips. jiwoong was one step ahead of you, as he already leaned in to kiss you. his lips were soft, but he pushed them firmly against yours. he wasted no time as he started guiding you towards his bed.
he pushed you down to the bed playfully, following you as he climbed on top of you. trapping your hips between his knees as he started unbuttoning his shirt. he looked dreamy from a lower perspective, his abs peeking through under his shirt. you bit your lower lip, your hands travelling up jiwoong’s thighs, feeling extremely needy for your lover’s touch. finally removing his shirt, jiwoong bent down to heatedly kiss you again, his hands moving up your body. maybe your relationship with jiwoong wasn’t ideal. but having him on top of you like this, definitely made it all worth it.
i could see you throw your jacket on the floor i could see you make me want you even more what would you do, baby, if you only knew? that i can see you
- end
#zb1#zerobaseone#kim jiwoong#zb1 x reader#zb1 kim jiwoong#zb1 jiwoong#kim jiwoong x reader#kim jiwoong fic#zb1 fic#zb1 fics#zerobaseone jiwoong#jiwoong#jiwoong x reader#kpop#taylor swift#cloudbersoofic
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BONK!
Hiyo! I bring a silly ask! What kind of pokemon do you think the ER cast would like to have around?
(Choose however as many or as little characters as you like <3)
Oh dude, be prepared for a long answer bc I was obsessed with pokemon for the first half of the pandemic so I make teams for characters a lot and I try to put a lot of thought into them, but sometimes it really is just rule of cool.
Starting with Ranni because I don't get her, so her team is basically just themed after her.
Shiny Midnight Lycanroc - She's had this one since she was a child Lunala - in a pokemon au she would have met it instead of the dark moon or maybe it was passed down from Rennala Frosslass - is ghost. is ice. is woman. what more do you want? Mega Banette - Mega bc it looks cooler than normal Banette, but in general it's the possessed doll pokemon so it makes sense to give it to her Mismagius - For the crone that taught her magic Alolan Ninetales - A doglike ice type to round everything out
For Rennala, I did what you would more likely find around her now than the team she may have used in the past.
Clefable - Among her sweetings, there are also members of the entire clefable line scattered around the library, gathering around her as they would the full moon. Shiny Gardevoir - Shiny bc blue to signify that Ranni has left this one to guard her in her slumber. Cresselia - Moon theme and pleasant dreams, it's a crescent moon so idk if this would be her Moon pokemon the way Lunala is Ranni's but it feels right Midday Lycanroc - the red wolf of radagon Hatterene - This one could go one of two ways. It's a witchy looking thing and it attacks anyone who shows too much emotion. This could either be a pokemon the Raya Lucaria scholars left to watch her and make sure she doesn't try anything, or it could be like Gardevoir and one of her children (Rykard in this case) put it there to guard her.
Like Rennala, Radahn's "team" is just the pokemon encountered while fighting him. Which is to say Leonard the mudsdale and various minior that crash down during and after the battle.
Rykard's turn! I know there's not a single snake on this team but hear me out
Magmortar and Delphox - He developed magma sorceries Groudon - This is Eiglay. I know it's not a snake but like. look. Big catastrophe causing thing sealed beneath a volcano. It's Eiglay. Yamask - explicitly the soul of a dead human. Not sure if this is on his team so much as scattered around volcano manor, but it felt important to mention. Magearna - Virgin abductors Mawile - This one is probably Tanith's but I'm not doing a team for her. It's the decoy pokemon, it fits both of them. Tanith is like the main body, Rykard is like the mouth.
Leaving the carians, we have the easiest team so far: Godfrey. Perrserker, Machamp, Incineroar - Self explanatory really, they fight like him. Sirfetch'd - His knights, the decorum he has as Elden Lord, and the Storm King he defeated was a bird. Solgaleo - Serosh, godfrey is sun-aligned. Azumarill - HEAR ME OUT. Huge power + high hp makes it a powerful foe, water to fight against all the different fires that oppose the erdtree, fairy to conquer the dragons, its shiny is gold, and the most important point of all: Gap Moe
I want to make a team for Godwyn, but it's very hard since he doesn't really...have much to him? Haxorus and Kommo-o - Golden + Dragon Roaring Moon - Literally an ancient dragon Cursola - Analagous to deathblight Fortissax isn't in his party, but he would probably be Giratina?
Godrick's team is a joke kinda, but Machamp - 4 arms plus one of Godfrey's iconic pokemon Shiny Magikarp - for the Lord of All That Is Golden Corviknight - For the storm king Dracovish - Grafting! Dragon! It was so hard not to make his entire team galarian fossils bc they're all grafted freaks
For Malenia, I think she would have a different team before her rot got too bad. These three go along with her graceful fighting style pretty well, and since she is a walking toxic status effect...
Bisharp is the only one who survives and evolves into Kingambit. Ceruledge - dual wielding swords, edgy and cool, since it's a ghost she can't kill it by just being near it. She trained it up alongside her cleanrot knights. Quaquaval - a gift from the blind swordsman The last three are some of many nuisances that follow her around at the haligtree. Things that like poison and rot are just attracted to her.
Miquella's team is probably exactly what you'd expect. Silcoon - It doesn't seem to want to hatch... Togetic - "These Pokémon are never seen anywhere near conflict or turmoil. In recent times, they’ve hardly been seen at all." They're also known to bless people, very fitting for what we know about Miq Shaymin - It purifies toxins and grows flowers Comfey - more flowers, more healing, I bet there's a bunch of these around the Halligtree. Musharna - dreamworld pokemon <3 Gardevoir - Counterpart to Malenia's old Gallade. It's his strongest pokemon and only fights to protect him
Marika has no pokemon, she may have at some point, but right now the only pokemon she's around is Ultra Necrozma (The Elden Beast, bc it's golden, evil, a legendary, and from space)
Aaaaaand the last character I'm going to do is Radagon, but if anyone's read this far and wants me to do a specific character outside the god family tree, I'd be hella down.
Zoroark - You Know Why He Has This (it can disguise as humans) Zacian - Radagon seems to be tied to wolves/dogs, plus it has his greatsword Aegislash - this one just feels right Trevenant - for the erdtree Minior - for his elden stars incantation
So yeah that was way too many words and I'm sure as soon as I post this I'll think of better ones but yeah! Ty for the ask bud!!
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Rant about everybody’s waiting (and some general fandom stuff) cause I finally found words to my feelings:
tw// mental health struggles, anxiety (can you notice that I’ve never done this before 🥲)
Yes, okay at first I was skeptical about the song. Reasons? I’m not entirely sure (yet) but once I heard the whole thing, I was like, “ok, not as bad as I thought, kinda my taste but will take time to grow on me…” by now I can definitely say that it’s super experimental and brave of them to do something like this, so props to that! I think the second half of the song is what really convinced me.
Lyrics-wise? As much as I understood the meaning, the importance they held for bojan, I didn’t see myself actually “getting” them, if you get what I mean. I didn’t understand what they even meant, at first. (well, I couldn’t hear some words in the song properly)
But now these-
What a wonderful life, panicking
A perfect time to get lost in deep, unoriginal line
There’s nothing left, just flight or die
Lonesome and run down
Can’t tell the sky from the ground
Turning around
Okay now… this hit me straight in the gut. (not sure if these are accurate, feel free to correct me) This… doesn’t exactly explain my feelings, but they sure do come pretty close. This made me realise certain things about my personality which I never thought about before. I was never the “take it easy” type and these words…somehow remind me to slow down sometimes… (I’m just rambling here atp)
I’ve always, ALWAYS been a nervous wreck, since maybe I was ten? And I’ve always gotten anxious about so many things (whether they’re in my control or not) for so long, that I just thought it was human nature to feel so much, and I thought everyone else was just better at handling it than me. I’ve never thought to label it or even address it, cause it was so ingrained in my unconscious, to know that it isn’t normal.
So, seeing how important it is that bojan is addressing this issue is not only a big deal for Slovenia, it is for me too. Joining this fandom, I see so many of you being so open, so vocal about things I generally would’ve never dreamed of admitting (it also does NOT help, the fact that I’m from an extremely conservative country 🥲)
The first time I ever felt accepted, or seen was here. People in my life till this point, have shared similar opinions with me, but no one actually got to know me, the real me because there was always that disconnect that somehow made me distance myself from them. Obviously this is all online and I don’t know any of you personally, but y’alls sheer honesty just makes me go waaaahhh (the only word I can think of rn)
And I think, the real therapy for me was talking to @da-proti-toku-grem and @paperphilia thank you so much for your kindness and acceptance. It means the world to me 🥹
(especially the fact that @paperphilia you asked me “are you ok?” after seeing my rant about the jance photo shoot. That is something I will not forget for a long long time.
And maca, obviously our long conversations will always have a special place in my heart (love you!)
Huh, okay this is getting too long. Anyways whomever of the baby boos reads this, just thank you so much for being there, a part of the reason why I’m happier now. This song ended up being therapeutic for me, who would’ve foreseen that lol.
#I’m so very sorry about this long post#the words magically came to me and here we are now#pls ignore this#goes in the tag cause it’s my fucked up analysis of EW#joker out
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Im baaaaack 😈 Turnabouts fair play babe! Let's goooo !
1, 5 11, 12, 16, 22, 27, 29
🩷❤️💛❤️🩷
(don't ever stop!!!!!! ilysm!!! ( ꈍᴗꈍ)) (i did this instead of crying so forgive me for the mess?? 💓)
1. the last sentence you wrote -
woe, paragraph be upon you instead because that sentence alone would kinda be nothing???:
The waves are singing against the Sunny and the weather is kind. The crew lingers, their own ways to spend the day drifting on the breeze. The world won't go still, but it does, mercifully, slow down. His laughter trails off into deep, even breaths as he falls into a dream larger than you could ever know.
(messy messy messy but the zolu came upon me in the early hours and it had to go somewhere. 🤡) (ignore the second person, sometimes i have to start fics with it and then switch everything to third person later when i have a grip on it. i do not know why. 👐)
5. first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP -
whelp, just have the whole paragraph again cause might be more mid otherwise, asdsfh:
There was another universe where, instead, Law gave in and headbutted him. Sent Eustass stumbling back, wiping the blood from his nose as he straightened from his recoil. Where they made eye contact as Eustass summoned whatever metals lay around the port and Law finally unleashed everything crushed inside his ribcage. Where they fought each other like they were taking down Emperors. Where their crews wasted themselves to get them free of each other.
(i don't know how I feel about it but hey, it's a wip for a reasonnnn. we edit for a reasonnnn. 🙈)
11. a WIP you’d like to finish someday -
not fanfic, although i have many of them i wish could see the world, but i'd love to finish my werewolves in space wip. it rattles around in my brain constantly and the actors my mind cast for the main roles are inspiration alone. i am easily spooked by my original works tho so god only knows if it'll ever be seen. 🥲
12. a trope you’re really into right now -
finding each other in every life (whether familial or platonic or romantic or anything else). it helps me sleep at night. 🥺
16. favorite place to write -
in my bed, just before going to sleep, with something chill on the tv. the words flow better there. it's peaceful. 😌
22. do you ever worry about public reaction to what you’re writing? how do you get past that? -
yeah. but also no, not really. by the time i'm in a position to be worrying about that, i've put so much effort and time into the thing that my delight at posting it, shuts off most of the bad what-ifs. i've been real lucky and only ever had nice experiences so far too. if i do worry about it before getting there tho, i hit up my sister or my other hype men and let them distract me from it with their biased povs. 😂
27. your favorite part of the writing process -
just the writing and editing in general, i guess. like when everything is starting to sing and you can add details and hidden gems. when you have a hole and you suddenly know how to fill it. matching words together that compliment each other and let the sentence paint the picture in a fun way. when the ideas elaborate on themselves and i just have to be the bricklayer. it's just really pleasing and calming when a piece starts coming together and you are running down that hill with all the momentum. 💪
29. how easy is it for you to come up with titles? -
90% of the time? too easily. i normally have a title idea before i start writing or just after. or there's something i wrote and when i am reading through later & i see it, i go: "👀 free title real estate mayhaps? 👉👈". at the moment i have like two to three titles for all my fics and works in progress and could come up with more without being threatened. 😂 i'm going to have such a hard time of it when i have to decide. 🫠
thank you for sending me some bangbang!! 💕💕 i'll try to get to the other ask soon. 🫶
#asked and answered#mooties ♡#peanut 🥜💞#from the dark pit#oh my words#i have not had much sleep so this is possibly the only time i would share my writing like this without screaming snd shrieking and crying#qgagsghajaj i thrup about it later but don'tworry#i am so out of it all my capitals disappeared uwu
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MY DARLING DOLLS 42
PREVIOUS|| PT7 CH42 || NEXT
"oh wow an ikemen!" The visitor cannot help but exclaim in Glee. "Oh! Did it mean those fluffy thing are going to have those switch where they all drop dead gorgeous and fabulous when human form? Holy that's too much cheat!" He laughs at the thought about it.
But when he think much about it's kinda scary now.
He wonder cause your fucking based or something. A delulu at it's finest.
"hmm... Thank you for 'compliment', [that crazy lost child]." Kanata smiles at the visitor. Before looking back to you again. "Your ' gorgeous ' too, my dollmaker." He beam at you as he use the compliment that was given to him just now.
"what." The visitor who just heard what Kanata called him. Stared at him in perplex expression. "How about meee~" the old tojou wants some attention too from his fluffy friend.
"Your 'ok' I ' supposed ' [Old man]" the doll gives a thumbs up. "What kind of based is this." The old tojou cannot help but sigh.
"Where did you get those nickname from? Seriously..." He realize that there's no way Kanata will know what those names are unless he learn them from someone, that being said both him and the other that been called names all look at you who's blushing from the compliment you get.
"hehe~I'm gorgeous ~? Your so silly! Your more good looking than I do!" You rarely gets compliment that's very much not insulting you or making fun of you.
"Hmm.. then we're both good looking, my dollmaker." Kanata clap his hand in agreement.
[...this is so hilarious than it shouldn't been.] You finally heard the voice in your head said after a while of silence.
Laughing again at the scene. [ Oh man, so this what happened if it's not "that person" as your "first"....] His voice become audible for the last words.
'you really seems to know me before when I have memories...' you thought as you yawn a bit, feeling tired and sleepy. [ ... Do I?] You felt bad, maybe that's a bad thing to say when you heard his reply.
"Do you wanna 'sleep' my dollmaker?" Kanata seems to notice your getting sleepy and pulled you to sleep on his lap as a pillow, staring at you as he gather fluffs to surrounded you for warmth. "Sleep well... I'll 'sing' for you to have a wonderful dream..." He starts to hums as you slowly succumb to your slumber.
...
???
When you open you eyes, you found yourself staring at someone red orbs. You found yourself in the same position like you were in the real world but with someone else lap instead of Kanata.
"... Your face remind me of someone..." He squish your face in annoyance as he squish it more like he wanna remove your face off your head of how his very much annoyed at you again, you stupidity and your forgetfulness. And the fact you reminds him so much of someone he meet not long ago.
"#$&$&#!!" You cannot even say anything proper but smack his hand off your face, harassment is too much now. "Hey, just because you get no bitches you have to demolded my face for it." You pointed out to him. He give you a very rude look when you said no bitches.
"...sometimes I wonder how evil and manipulated you are to achieve your goal even it risk many things. Your life, your existence and your memories to an extreme extent, just to achieve something stupid." He can't even bare to look at you, he wants to hates you yet.
"... If you don't ask me... If that stupid snake never told me about that stupid letter of yours. I won't be in this situation... I won't have to be in pain..." His voice cracked. He refuse to look at you, to see him cry. He felt hopeless when he realize the reality he cannot escape.
.
.
.
PRESENT: MONTHS AGO: Before Present time of CH36
Almost a haft a year since you were gone, he did good job on finding the stupid phantom and he still have his link with you, and you seems fine. Just a bit more and you might come out soon.
"ritsu Sakuma... " Through he don't understand why his being called by Ibara right now when his trying to sleep. The vice president present him a paper.
"Ah, are you confessing your love to me? Sorry I'm not interested." Ritsu yawns as he stares at the letter.
"Think what you want. But I did my part of the bargain." The snake just chuckle at his joke before he left the room. The young Sakuma stared at the letter before he pick it up.
When he open the letter, there's nothing there. He think he was pranked at first but as he put the letter near the lamp on the room. He saw your bloody handwriting.
[ Go to (location) and invite the first doll maker dolls, that susamongus and that seer when there's lunar eclipse. YOU BETTER DO IT OR I WILL TELL YOUR BROTHER YOUR DARKEST SECRET >:((
also I probably will be 404 error (disappear) if ya don't. This is not a drill this is a threat<3
If you need help by any chance, just ask Kanata for help.
Oh ye! Bring lots of food Niki made! Like lots and lots!!
]
"..gosh. I felt headache when I read their handwriting." He mumbles after he finally understand what the letter said. He don't understand the last sentence you said through.
He thought about it as he was about to call it a day, as a flower fall off the back. He stare at the weird aurora like flower, it don't look like a normal flower.
How odd. Why do you have something like this?
Through while he was going back to the mansion, he scroll at the internet at when was the lunar eclipse going to happened. Thinking his going to entertain what stupid shit your on too even your somewhere dumb again.
He saw the date was in two days time and the location is just happened to be the top of ES building.
"hiiii, helloo hellooo." He passes by the fountain and saw Kanata waving at him. "Ritsuuuu... Can I have that flower......" The first doll pointed at his pocket.
"Huh. How did you know I have a flower with me..." He approaches Kanata and pulled out the flower and give it to him. Through he held back for a moment waiting for Kanata Reply.
"hmm... Some fluffs told me..." The false god smiles as ritsu finally give him the flower. The moment the flower fall to his palm, it glow and shimmer. Turning into dust and circling around Kanata and ritsu.
"... That's some weird stuff." Ritsu rubs his eyes as he felt some of those dust have gotten into his eyes. When he look at Kanata, he saw Kanata smiling as tears falls from his eyes.
"ah... I 'remember'..." He remembers the time of long time ago. The time where he meet that person who befriend lost souls, then you who was lost in time ... His dollmaker. "Remember what?" The young Sakuma ask him. Confuse what's going on at the moment.
"your given a 'choice' at this moment. Ritsu Sakuma." Instead of answering. Kanata stared at ritsu with serious look at his face. "One choice well left you with a broken heart but MC will return to us." He pointed out. "It's an ideal choice." He added. "The second is not do anything and stay here and let the fate do it's thing, one of the cons is that probability of the current flow of history will change."
"why does those choices only seems like a false one. Does this mean you want me to choice the first one?" Ritsu rolled his eyes at this. Clearly this is a scam. "Agh. What type of broken heart. It's not like I'm interested on mc in that extent to be heart broken." He did care about you but not to an extreme extent like those weirdo (mayoi and others ) does. "Second choice fine too, if that person think about it. But somewhere... A person will need your help. To escape a terrible fate."
"is this mc..." Ritsu sigh as he shakes his head. "Ah. No..it's not mc who needed your help." Kanata laughs about it. "do you think they are the type of person that will ask help from anyone?" He pointed out.
".... I hate that's your right..." Now that he think about it. That damn doll maniac is still gone cause of someone else fault! They are doing it for someone else sake again! What a troublesome person they are.
"so which do you choice?"
"fineeee. I'll be the knight to that damsel." He mumble. "No. Your job is "look for the dollmaker" and not a knight in front of others... Ok?" Kanata corrected him. "Agh.... That reason again... Fine." He already use it last time. Even through his looking for that phantom.
As he agreed to it, and watch as moments goes by, the first dollmaker dolls that seems to be black out for the moment the arrivals of lunar eclipse come around as they all gather up in the rooftop of ES. Ritsu was given lots of food by Niki to his journey again.
When he think about it. The gaze of those previously dolls looks off like they been controlled at that moment, only Kanata seems to be the sane one. Ritsu don't understand the stuff was going on but he was push to a portal after his given the protection of the first dollmaker dolls to his journey to the unknown.
.
.
.
The journey that seems to take forever and the fact he saw the world's beyond theirs and saw stories of alternative self of his. If made him think how some world is peaceful, some are not and how his world seems to be much better than most of those weird alternative worlds...
He meet some alternative version of you in some jewel place who made a deal with him to help out some exchange for some good deals and wishes. It was full of crap like you are sometimes when talking about dolls but he did agree to it since his already on his way to go seek for you.
Then he found himself in the world of twisted Wonderland and a damsel that Kanata spoke about awaits him... Yet in the end... He have to leave... Because he don't belong there even how much he wish to stay or take that so called damsel away from such terrible place. He can't do anything.
When he meet the very much annoying version of you that made a deal with him. They seems quite happy about what he did and give him some stuff. And help him to finally found where you are...
Without treating his wounds cause it was for dramatic effect for some shit. He should known better, your crazy and your alternative self is more crazy. 💀
#ensemble stars#ensemble stars x reader#enstar x reader#enstar#my darling doll au main story#my darling dolls au#mdd au#my darling dolls au main story#my darling doll au#my darling dolls
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(Some of the names in this story have been altered. Viewer discretion advised.)
Okay, it's storytime. Cause this shit still baffles me to no end so I gotta write about it.
At my job I met these two women who I now affectionately refer to as "my two goth moms" and they're great! They've been super duper sweet to me, and have done a lot of cool things to help me exist.
One of them, we'll call her Viper, is this 41-42 year old super duper og goth. Sometimes wearing trip pants to work in our business casual office type lady. She's very cool and nice, but sometimes people misundstand her, because she has a loud voice and an aesthetic. Viper has a girlfriend who we will call Tiffany.
When I met Viper, Tiffany did not work in our office, but I had met her a couple times when they took me out as a baby trans who had no idea what she was doing. Which was nice!
Tiffany is a early 30s individual who had some dire shit happen to her when she was in the army. Like, more than one dire thing which we needn't get into but I feel it's relevant.
I had quit my job briefly whilst I was tryna discover the meaning of life, but eventually came back and now Tiffany was also working there. Which was fine for a time, but It meant I was spending more time around Tiffany who started to have a lot of struggles at work. The more time I spent in her proxy the more my vibe reading sensor in my brain was like "hey uh, something is off with this individual."
Long story short with that she had to take loa, and then quit. I would still hang out with the two of them outside of work, because im tryna be a friend and have friends on occasion. However, "The vibe is still kinda off..".
Just a few things that made me like, idk about this person. She was also starting to text me paragraphs upon paragraphs. I guess she just did this to people, but I didn't really love it, because it reminded of my my Mother who had a tendency to smother me. Im also just not tryna read a ton of words all the time. So I didn't always respond to these excerpts from her self help novel she was texting me (thats a joke). I don't like to be coddled.
One day she sent one about some unsubstantial interaction we had where she got referred to as a mother too, since shes dating my goth mom Viper. Tiffany asking me not to do that is fine, but then equated it to my transness and my "request to be called a woman" as she put it. Which I understand now wasn't how she meant it, but I was rubbed the wrong way. It was infuriating read when I'm having some pretty intense identity issues at that time, so I'm really not tryna engage with any of this anymore. (It's also not a "request" motherfucker).
I had responded to that particular longasstextmessage with "certainly" to Tiffany's request to not calling her mommy(not even as a joke im supr srs). I'm sure "certainly" can be read as a bit annoyed. Which hey! You'd be right.
She responded with a one to two word response which honestly had me shook. Then several minutes later an overcorrction paragraph or two.
I try to distance myself at this point, because Tiffany is now actively making MY ANXIETY WORSE. some weeks pass, and I'm cooking in my kitchen when I get a message. All I see at that exact time is the preview of the message and I read "from Tiffany: I'm attracted to you...". I can't help but laugh, because like again, we were no more than acquaintances miss.. you can't honestly be this down bad over me that youre saying IM IN YOUR DREAMS AT NIGHT DISTRACTING YOU ALL THE TIME. I'm also really not trying to wreck my adoptive mother's home!!! AAAAAA!!!
So I wrecked my adoptive mother's home(sorta). Viper and Tiffany ended up breaking up, because Tiffany was becoming increasingly delusional about many things in her life. The final straw was Tiffany refusing to go to therapy, and not fully anything to do with me (thank goodness).
Thankfully where we find ourselves now in relation to this story Tiffany is in therapy. Viper and I are still good friends. Viper and Tiffany are still decent friends though they're not living together, or really an item.
Tiffany also... bought me some Christmas presents I didn't accept during the holidays, because all of this was ongoing. It wasnt until March where i accepted them from Viper. Tiffany bought me a really expensive bong, which I guess is a nice gesture for everything that happened, but gosh.. it still felt like a crazy gift from someone whose energies were so off, and we weren't even that close. Its a real nice bong at least.
So, Thats my story about how I was too nearby this one person and she fell madly in love with me somehow, ruined her own relationship, and I got a nice, new bong.
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