#believe me when i say all i did was exist

[mclacedes]

A Fading Echo (LH44)

CHAPTER I: Taste Karma.

hello beautiful babes! here's a little something i've been wanting to write for a while now and just flew out of me randomly!! hope you enjoy this and hope this makes any sense at all :)

warnings: breakup, abu dhabi ‘24, lewis leaving mercedes, lewis in ferrari, lack of XNDA songs, partner moving on.

“it isn't only how he died, but that he died believing. and so i try to be kind to everything i see. and in everything i see, i see him.”

— Hanya Yanagihara, “A Little Life”

this is slightly inspired by Hanya Yanagihara's book "A Little Life", but THIS IS NOT A RECOMMENDATION from me and THIS DOES NOT mean I like that book at all !!!

also, there's a part II for it, so lmk if you like it :)

End of season. Last race. Last race with Mercedes.

This was the end of an era, but the start of an age. A new chapter in this long book, filled with broken records and (un)fulfilled dreams.

There was only last thing he wanted though. A thing he’d never done.

To release an album.

+44, his first album, would come out in a few hours and nobody even knew it.

Lewis had poured countless hours into it, refining each lyric, melody, and harmony until every note fitted just right.

Every detail was thoroughly planned, every step thoughtfully envisioned. The photoshoot was booked, the interview responses rehearsed, the songs were ready. But one day, he realized the only thing that should be put together — his very self — was melting, breaking apart into millions of pieces of longing, sorrow, wrath and regret.

This should be a moment of fun, a moment of celebration, but the only thing he’d think about is how this album only exists because, at one point, he had you — the best thing that ever happened to him, his confidant, his partner in crime.

But, as of now, there's no you in his life and, apparently, no space for him in yours.

Now you’re a fading echo, a ghost haunting every inch of his life, lurking in the back of his mind so he can get a glimpse of your broken-hearted gaze in your salted-water-drowned eyes when he closes his.

Your laugh still echoes through the paddocks around the world; he still knows every word of the prayer you’d mutter every time he climbed into the cockpit. You are in his houses, cars, clothes, and everything he is now—a wreckage.

There's a simple routine he follows, absentmindedly, now that you're gone: he smiles when he sees you in a small detail of his life; then his heart tightens painfully, suffocating him. When the stars fall at night, he lies awake in the darkness of his room and his own mind, clutching the pillow you once slept on, desperately trying to grasp some semblance of solace and familiarity. Lewis lingers there, until your vanilla scent fades away completely as he drifts into the restless awareness of his subconscious—his dreams, in which you've never left and still loved him. In his perfect, tailor-made utopia, you can bring yourself to look into his eyes and say you forgive him.

But reality has other plans. Like always.

He just wanted to get through today.

Yes, the Universe is vast and gracious, munificent and indulgent, and Lewis knows this. But, today, his last race with Mercedes in a track that holds so much memory, the Universe had made its mind: the winds of fate would play a trick on him.

This morning, after waking from a dream of you in your favorite park in France, laughing about babies and tracing shapes in the clouds, he never imagined he’d want to leave the paddock as soon as he entered it.

On the drive to Yas Marina, it hadn’t crossed his mind that he might see you, hand in hand with that one actor—Jensen Ackles—who you used to gush over.

As he signed caps, mini helmets, and photos for his fans, not for a single moment did he expect to catch sight of you in the paddock, wearing rosso corsa, cheering on Ferrari—Ferrari, of all teams. The same red team you used to roll your eyes at. The same red team that the man beside you had so often boasted about supporting. The same team that he had signed a contract with.

None of it had been his choice, and yet his entire body betrayed him the moment his eyes landed on you; as though someone had fastened his feet to the ground, he was unable to walk. He not only couldn’t move, but he felt like air didn't get to his lungs so he couldn't breathe, and there was nothing more interesting than the scene in from of him so he couldn’t look away.

For a second there, he wished you were ugly. He wished your eyes didn’t glisten when you honestly found something funny, that your dress didn't perfectly frame your body, and your teeth were broken. He wished there were flaws he could cling to, reasons to justify hating you; he wished he could have the strength within himself to fall out of love. But you were too unattainable for him to let go.

And, God, you were glowing. Your smile beamed, your hair fell perfectly just the way he likes it, and then—what. is. that?

Your hand laid slightly over your belly.

Your left hand rested on your belly, right where your womb would be.

Your left hand, with its delicate fingers, bore a ring—a massive diamond that caught the sunlight in a cruel, mocking glint.

And then there was him. Jensen Ackles, the so-called antichrist, standing behind you with his arms wrapped around you like you belonged to him. His hold was possessive, unyielding, as though he’d fight tooth and nail to keep you. But he did seem like he was happy. And the worst part about it is that you seemed too.

Lewis’s heart rate spiked, pounding in his chest, his thoughts racing faster than the W15 ever could.

“Is she pregnant? They're engaged? Are they married already? When is the baby due?”

And then, just before he turned away, one final thought slipped through the chaos in his mind: taste karma.

[valkyrieromanoff]

Hi! How are you? Just wanted to say I absolutely love your writing! ❤️❤️

I have kind of a weird request: I’m a psych student, and I’ve been studying disorders for a test, so now it feels like that’s all I can think about lol. I was wondering if you’d ever consider dipping into the DSM world and writing something about sexual dysfunctions?

No worries if it’s not your vibe—totally get it! Sending love either way 💕

🎀 Premature ejaculation 🎀

words: 923

a/n: Hello, sweetie!🥰 I absolutely adored your request—it really challenged me (in the best way, lol). I did a quick dive into the diagnostic criteria and tried to keep things light and fun 💕.

Hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Had so much fun with this one ✨. Sending you all the love and kisses 😘❤️

Anakin couldn't quite explain how it had happened. One moment he was sitting in the Jedi Temple's dining hall, swallowing that horrible ration that looked more like sawdust, mentally complaining about how the food looked almost— if not worse— than the ones he had eaten as a child on Tatooine.

Then he found himself at the heart of a feast. Your Jedi robes were beneath your beautiful body as you lay on his bed, the bandages you had used to support your chest laying on the floor, your lovely breasts rising and falling with the movement of your breathing, which was accelerating under his eyes.

A mist of disbelief and yearning hazed Anakin's blue eyes. He couldn't believe how fortunate he was to have you so needy and willing for him.

"Kriffing, you're so beautiful," He gently said as he reached out to touch your nude body. Almost as if he was terrified of contaminating such a masterpiece with his humanity, his fingertips sought your smooth skin with care.

The sweet noises that escaped your lips were a magnanimous reward for the young padawan; his groin went crazy when he touched your tummy and your eyes closed, going all the way down to the curvature of your hips.

Your moist folds welcomed him like tongues of fire, warming his whole body as his fingers found your warm embrace. An erection appeared as his blood seemed to boil and pool in his cock.

Your fingertips brushed his trousers so softly that Anakin vowed he wouldn't have noticed if it weren't for the way the force was so filled with you. It was overwhelming; he didn't even have to close his eyes to feel you everywhere, in every way, like the fireplace flames that are constantly there even though their intensity fluctuates.

Squeezing his eyes tight, Anakin tried to concentrate on what he was doing, on how your heat encircled his fingers like a velvet blanket and how your spongy walls held him like fire embers on dry straw, searing everything without mercy or rest.

Not that he wanted to stop; honestly, he had stopped wanting for a long time ago, You were a need; He needed you like the oxygen he breathed, just as plants need the sun to thrive and the oceans need the moon to deliver their tides.

Without you, nothing existed because you were everything. Anakin slid two fingers within you, encouraged by the graceful gasps that poured from your pink lips like divine tunes composed just for him.

He didn't know exactly what he was doing; he had never done anything like this before. Of course, like any teenager with hormones in full swing, especially padawans who are taught from an early age that they should not indulge their carnal desires, he had previously resolved that minor issue in his groin.

Whether it was touching himself in the shower, his hand clutching his cock under the water spray till he felt his release trickle down the drain with the foam, or thrusting his hips against the mattress, grinding his erect cock beneath his Jedi robes.

Anakin had already pictured what it would be like to touch you, to feel your body writhing above him or under him; it didn't matter as long as it was with you; the rest was a mere detail, irrelevant.

Reality, however, was far superior to his most vivid dreams; the way your pussy welcomed his fingers and squeezed them like quicksand caused his eyes to roll with the rush of ecstasy.He could cum right there; Anakin slid with such ease that he let out a low sigh as he twisted his fingers in and out of your moist folds.

As his orgasm struck him like an avalanche, he felt his legs sway, his hips stutter, a flashing white blurring his eyesight, and colorful stars flashing in his head. His brain was a heated, disorganized mass, and it took him a few seconds to process what had happened.

He had cum before he had done anything, without even taking off his clothing, and it was the damp sensation in his pants that jolted him back to reality. Just the sensation of you on his fingertips carried him to paradise, and since he had nothing to cling to, he let himself be pulled along."

"I'm sorry, I, I didn't mean to..." Anakin's blush rose on his neck and spread over his cheeks as he apologized profoundly.He felt so ashamed that he was unable to look you in the eyes. You smiled gently, your eyes holding a compassionate, kind light that made him release the breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

"It's okay, Ani," you assured him softly, your hand cupping his cheek affectionately, the heat of his embarrassment warming your skin. "We can try again if you want."

Anakin was still ashamed; it was an extremely awkward situation, embarrassing. imagine cumming before even having sex properly, in front of the girl he still liked. Kriffing.

Yet, he seemed to feel less insecure and doubtful than before; the warmth in your eyes and the assurance your grin transmitted were plenty.

"I'll be better next time," Anakin assured, his voice low but laced with dedication, confident that he would give you pleasure and transport you to paradise as effortlessly as you had pushed him.

"I know you will," you assured affably,a loving smile spreading over your pink lips. Anakin thought he could get lost as often as you did, and you would always find him.

[choc-ice-on-wheels]

Humor me but I was trying to explain to my friend about how it feels to enjoy trains. Even as a novice I cannot help but romanticize them and wanted my friend to see through the mind of an engine or how I imagine an engine sees itself.

Imagine being so strong and nothing can really hurt you. You’re in a perfectly safe space made just for YOU (the rails) And your job is to go FAST as fast as you were made to be. Or to be strong and to be as strong as you were made to be. You were made to be fast and strong! There was intention in your design. Science, engineering, something real, something you aren’t taught to believe in the walls of a church. Power you can touch, see, and feel. You are imagination made real!

A person has to live under constraints and social pressure. And although you were made for people, their rules that restrict you like speed restrictions or what color you must be painted will never eclipse the truth of what you are and what you were meant to be.

Imagine being a thing built to work and LOVING to work and WANTING to work and when you’re tired, there are people who will fix you and you pay them with your work which also pays you! You are compensated by your mere existence and your usage! And people tell you you’re marvelous and strong and beautiful and it’s true because you are!

It’s like!!! Living an absolute perfect truth. And when you’re speeding down the track whistling as loud as you can for you’re meant to be loud and going as fast as you can because that’s what you’re meant to do; when you’re doing that, you’re living in perfect happiness.

The happiest one could ever be! No biological desire no concept of denying yourself your ultimate calling. Just doing what you’re made to do and loving it unconditionally. And being praised for it and never needing money because it means nothing to you! Incredible.

I just think it would be the most amazing feeling ever. But also!The saddest feeling to be broken! To be unused and waiting in a museum or a siding or a scrapyard. To be told you’re useless. To be melted down for some unknown purpose and to never feel the wind across your frames again and to never scream at your highest pitch that you’re alive and you’re loud enough to drown out the rest of the world! To be silent and only to take up space until you are removed from the beautiful rails and destroyed.

To no longer be what you were made to be. So cold you crack and rust away. And people only speak of your glory in past tense and blame you for things you couldn’t control.

Didn’t I do a good job?

Didn’t I pull? Didn’t I push trucks around nicely? Didn’t you get to where you needed to go? Did I ever treat your destinations as unimportant? Did I ever ask you to justify the direction I took you in? All I ever asked was to be what I was meant to be.

Now you say I’m too expensive. That I take up space. That no one will take care of me anymore. That I’m bad for the Earth I was made from and the living things on it I was made for. Why is this my fault?

Why is any of this my fault? When you made me this way?

Didn’t you benefit from what it took to give me power? Weren’t we all working together? I’m not sorry. I’m just sad.

So many times that came that never had to. So much work left undone. If I were an engine with my life cut short, how I’d cry over the loss of what could have been!

But no one would hear me. I can only be heard when I’m doing what I was made for. My truth only can be spoken when I’m given a voice.

I don’t know! I think trains are neat.

[cheshiresense]

Your latest time-travel verse made me rewatch Kyoraku vs Starrk battle over Fake Katakura.

I have to say, over the years, I have forgotten how sad that battle is. The way Starrk mourns even Barragan's death and loses his (already small to begin with) desire to fight after it... The only reason the guy followed Aizen was because Aizen gave him... friends😭 A pack. The only reason he fought was to protect that pack. Doesn't matter if that pack consisted of some shady individuals. It was his. The first and only one he got in all his 1000+ years of existence. He had no desire to strike down his enemies - didn't kill Ukitake, proposed Love and Rose to retreat with their lives... In a way, he and Ichigo are very much alike in that sense.

Starrk was too honorable and naive and paid for that.

And Shunsui killed Lilynette😭 It is so heartrending when Starrk calls out to her with no answer...

Shunsui's philosophy, on the contrary, allows him "to be evil" in order to win. Yes, he does not like war, just like Starrk, but IMHO, "as soon as the war starts both sides are at fault" does not mean Shunsui is saying that both sides are wrong in the war and to not fight till you completely disable / kill your opponent. I think, to paraphrase, it means: "As soon as the war start, to win, both sides *will* have to be evil / There are no good people in a war because winning a war requires one to do evil things, so someone who were maybe a good person will have to become evil to win". This philosophy, basically, is "to unbound his hands" (as we say in our language, meaning when something is used to make a person free to act), a workaround that allows him to be ruthless to his opponents, despite his pacifistic nature.

Anyway, emotional rant over. I guess I just wanted to share my pain🥲 I just hope Shunsui killing a part of Starrk's soul and the only family he had will somehow be addressed between them in the future in your fic's universe. I think it's just too huge to leave out. And the only way I can see Starrk never saying anything at all to his Shunsui in TYBW timeline - is because he is THAT much of a sucker for pain and/or THAT much desperate for a genuine connection with somebody.

Starrk is just a really tragic character with a really tragic arc, canonically he was never meant to be saved or have a chance at something better.

I don't know if I'd call him particularly honourable, if only because that doesn't seem like the sort of thing he'd really think about and adhere to as a Hollow who'd spent his whole life in a place like Hueco Mundo, not in the same way a Shinigami would. I think it was more that he just didn't want to kill anyone when he'd already killed so many without ever having a choice in the matter, and now that he did, he didn't want to keep doing that if he didn't absolutely have to. He was definitely a bit naive about it because it was war, and he was up against one of the most powerful and ruthless Shinigami in existence. The moment he decided to hold back, he was destined to lose.

For Shunsui, I agree, he believes that to win a war, people have to get their hands dirty, and you can't do that and still remain "good". I also think he thinks that it's disrespectful to not do everything in his power to win, because even if that means throwing away his honour, to do anything less means risking the lives of those he's fighting that war for.

Which ties into why I personally think Starrk doesn't really blame Shunsui for Lilynette's death. I think Starrk is smart enough and similar enough to Shunsui to understand him. And why blame Shunsui when he can blame himself? He's the one who held back from the start, he didn't fight as hard as he could, he even had the chance to kill Shunsui if he'd just gone down to finish the job after shooting him instead of just backing off after disabling him, or he could've even shot him somewhere more leathal like the back of the head instead of the shoulder/chest, because at their level, which Shinigami or Hollow wouldn't survive a simple injury like that? He would've also been able to sense full well that Shunsui's reiatsu signature hadn't disappeared. So that choice is on him, and he paid for it with Lilynette's life.

I also think Starrk didn't have much conviction or resolve, I mean I don't think most of the Espada really believed in Aizen's cause, they just followed him for more power or because Aizen tricked them or forced them, and prob with a side of hypnosis to pave the way. So Starrk didn't even have anything concrete to believe in and fight for aside from a debt he felt he had to repay, and that was quickly wearing away when he saw how Aizen didn't give a shit about them.

So overall, he went into battle against Shunsui without any desire to fight or kill because he thought he didn't really have anything he wanted enough to fight for, right up until he lost Lilynette and realized that yeah he did have something precious to lose after all. In contrast, Shunsui was fighting for Soul Society and to protect his fellow Shinigami, and at the time, he definitely understood that far better than Starrk did.

If Starrk had survived, I think he would've understood that too, plus he just doesn't have the kind of temper that lashes out and casts blame on others due to excess emotion; rather, he has the sort of analytical mind to comprehend the cause and effect of things pretty instantly. That would all play a big part in why he wouldn't blame Shunsui for doing what he had to do to take Starrk out. He and Lilynette were one, Shunsui would've had to kill both of them sooner or later, otherwise he might as well lie down and give up, Starrk wasn't exactly an opponent he could take it easy with.

In the time travel verse here, Idk if I'd make it a particularly huge thing, because for Starrk it's been like 10+ years, I imagine he's laid that ghost to rest a long time ago even if the loss still hurts sometimes, plus it's not TBTP!Shunsui who killed her, and i think he would've hashed out the issue with TYBW!Shunsui already at the beginning. Of course, TBTP!Shunsui is bound to find out about it eventually, which could be interesting to poke at.

But in Take What's Broken (Make It Whole), it'll definitely come up sooner or later. Even if Starrk doesn't bring it up first, Shunsui will, and even if there's no blame, I imagine they would at least have to talk about it going forward.

[monkey-overalls]

Project: Eden’s Garden Daily Life Thoughts

Okay, I just finished the Daily Life walkthrough—here are my thoughts so far:

Eva. Eva Freaking Tsunaka. I did not expect her to go from a character I’d basically forgotten about since the prologue to my current favorite. She’s literally everything—it’s hard to put into words how much I love her in all her geeky glory. The fact that her “Ultimate Liar” talent was, in itself, a lie was something I somehow didn’t see coming, but her real talent is definitely more intriguing. Thanks to the let’s-player only choosing her FTEs, we get to know so much about her backstory and how unfairly she was treated by her school, teammates, and the UTP. Of course, some—or even all—of that could also be a lie, but for now I choose to believe she only lied initially to protect herself. Besides, she really doesn’t have much to gain from continuously venting about her past to Damon. I’m pulling a Kaito and believing in her simply because I can!!!

Kai. You bet I’m already attaching myself to the pink-haired, crybaby sidekick. I have a type, and my type is incredibly obvious to literally anyone who’s spent at least five minutes on my blog. He’s obnoxious, whiny, and I can’t help but want to give him a fidget cube and cradle him in a weighted blanket. He’s sopping wet and perfect. I also already shipped him and Damon from the start and boy do I feel vindicated!

Wolfgang. I know he’s the fan-favorite, and it’s easy to see why, but I can’t bring myself to like him all that much because the dude is just so unbelievably shady. Before chapter one, I thought there was a good chance he could be the first victim, especially when he’s so clearly set up as Damon’s narrative foil, but after a while my suspicions turned to Eva (no matter how sick that made me feel). Sorry Wolfgang fans, I actually breathed a sigh of relief when he was revealed to be dead because I was so certain it would be Eva. Hopefully this isn’t me seriously jinxing myself and she turns out to be the killer or something. Also damn his death artwork is brutal.

Uhhh lightning round… Ingrid is so sweet; Applejack is one of my highest kins so you know I’m keeping my eye on this hard-working Southern belle. Toshiko is adorable and her secret made me laugh out loud, though I immediately felt guilty about it. Grace continues to be loud and antagonistic, you go queen. Jett has done nothing of note so far but he’s still at the top of my list for his unmatched Scooby Doo goofiness alone. Diana inviting Eva to be her roommate makes her an automatic winner in my book (and I lowkey ship them) but her questioning of Damon makes me a tad suspicious. My thoughts about Jean can basically be summed up in that one meme that goes something like “I’m gonna be honest, I’m only focusing on your titties right now.” Cassidy’s cool, and I’m almost certain her blackmail picture was a reference to the Jerma onion ring clip. Eloise, Mark, Desmond, Wenona, and Ulysses… exist. Sorry, I don’t have much to say about any of them.

TDLR; Eva Tsunaka lovers unite, Kai sucks but in a lovable way, and RIP Wolfgang I guess lmao

[zaineviu]

❛𝘜𝘯𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘳❜ - L.F (SKZ)

synopsis. My life is unfair. The one and only woman I love left me unprepared. I'm staring down at my own petals falling one by one... And piece by piece. I can't feel any peace in my heart.

pairings. felix x fem!reader.

content. angst, felix angst, breakup, heartbreak, inappropriate language in some sentences, felix doesn't get over his breakup with you, brief mention of Hyunjin and Jisung. Inspired by Felix's song ‘Unfair’ (I LOVE THAT DAMN SONG WITH ALL MY HEART). This shot is based on Lixie's pov!

wc. 3,079

a/n. Something quite sad, I love writing angst, and I hope you enjoy suffering with me.

Don't forget to comment, so I know you like what I write and encourage me to keep writing.

Ever since you came into my life... ... You taught me all about unconditional love.

Since you came into his life, everything changed. Not immediately, of course. At first, it was slow, like the dawn that barely illuminates a dark room. But when it did, you dazzled him.

Remember how you used to talk to him about unconditional love, how you taught him to believe in something he thought only existed in the songs you sang as a duet on the way home. Your words were his anchor, and your smiles… damn, your smiles were all he needed to survive the darkest days.

He couldn't even think straight without being able to think about you for a second, he was too in love to even admit it.

Looking at you from afar, watching your hair slide down your shoulders as you concentrated on what you were doing, his heart beating fast in his anxious chest looking for you to look at him the same way he was looking at you now.

Eyes so big and so bright that…

"You'll eat flies if you keep opening your mouth like that", Hyunjin laughed loudly behind them, shoving Han when he looked at him with a huge grin, Felix just looked at them with a shrug.

"I don't have my mouth open."

"You do, mate, and wide open", Han laughed this time wildly and smashed his palm into Hyunjin's who shoved him again breaking free from his embrace.

Felix just shrugged his shoulders once more.

He just couldn't stop looking at you.

Such a pretty girlfriend, imagining you being your boyfriend made his stomach a home for his rambunctious butterflies.

That afternoon, when she came with a smile, something in her smile made everything feel lighter. The idea of going straight home vanished when she proposed a walk. Her enthusiasm was infectious, and before they knew it, they were walking to the nearest park.

The sun was beginning to descend, tinting the sky with shades of orange and pink. The shadows of the trees danced in the breeze, and the sound of the leaves accompanied our steps. She laced her fingers with his, and her touch was enough to calm the chaos that always seemed to dwell in his mind.

"Lixie", she began, her voice soft and full of peace for the intimate moment, "have you ever thought about what love really means?"

Felix, confused by her question, but also intrigued, looked at her and shook his head. She smiled, that smile that always managed to disarm him completely, the one that he fell for first.

"It's when you love someone without expecting anything in return," she continued, the boy just waited for you to go on, trying to figure you out. You were silent for a few seconds, trying to convey what you wanted to say. "Not because he's perfect, but because you just… love everything he is. His flaws, his fears, his good and bad moments…. It becomes your priority, you look after their wellbeing and care for them, that's love…. When you give something to someone without expecting anything in return."

Her gaze was lost for a moment on the horizon before she turned back to him, her eyes shining, a smile that could only be called his, you were as much in love as he was. "I feel that way about you, Felix."

His chest tightened, unable to process the immensity of her words. He wanted to say something, anything, but he gasped, caught in the sincerity of your confession.

Of your love.

"You don't have to say anything," she added, gently squeezing her hand. "I just want you to know that I'm here, always."

The sun finally set, leaving behind a sky that was beginning to fill with stars.

And in that moment, in that dim light, Felix could only look at you as you slept on his lap, with the lights of the lanterns surrounding them under a tree, you in his arms.

You taught him that love has no limits, that even on days when he couldn't handle the weight of the world, you still found room for him.

‘You promised a always that you knew would be a goodbye disguised as love.’

I think about you saving me every night. Felt like an angel sent from above.

It was normal, this feeling of need, to always have you in his arms, to keep you with him no matter how much you said it was a lot of love at that moment.

Loving you was too easy for him.

Your body close to him, so soft and warm that you seemed like a cozy blanket on top of him, Felix was delighted.

That night, as he lay down in his bed, your image came back to his mind. Thinking of you was inevitable, as if his mind had created a sacred space reserved just for you. Every time his days became heavy, you were there, saving him with a word, a look or a smile. It was as if your mere existence was enough to remove the shadows that sometimes wrapped around him.

Sometimes he felt selfish for loving you so much, but he couldn't help it. He thought about how you came into his life, like an angel sent to remind him that even in his worst moments, he could find something good, something real. The way you saw through him, the way you made him feel enough, gave him enough strength to stay alive.

With his eyes closed, he allowed himself to hold you tightly.

'I fell asleep with your name on my lips, hoping that, at least in my dreams, you could save me again.'

All I see is your shining beauty. Hope you can see the human in me. Will your truе love be the onе to free me?

Felix adjusted the scarf around his neck, the cold biting his cheeks as he walked aimlessly through the city. Neon lights flickered over puddles of water on the pavement, reflecting a world that seemed to move too fast for him to keep up.

Everything seemed to work perfectly for everyone else, like gears clicking into place on a clock.

The world seemed to keep pace.

Except he didn't seem to keep pace.

There was something unsettling about the way your image popped into his mind, without permission, at the most inopportune times. He wasn't even sure when it had started.

Maybe the first time he saw you laughing in that record store, with the sun streaming through the windows and drawing soft shadows on your face.

You had caught his attention like a spark in the dark, but now that spark was almost painful, a constant flame that burned and consumed him.

He felt miserable walking aimlessly while thinking about you.

It was funny how something so fleeting became his current torture, from how you left him stranded in the nothingness while you decided to leave without saying goodbye.

He felt like a fool believing things he knew were going to happen sooner or later.

It wasn't something he wanted to admit, not even to himself. But there was a brutal clarity to the fact that he couldn't get you out of his head.

He had learned to live with it, to keep quiet, because it was easier to hide behind his thoughts than to face the inevitable: that maybe you would never look at him the same way, that your love was fleeting, and that was okay, he didn't hate that fact.

He hated that you had made him fall in love, that you had spoiled him so much with your love, that you had made him addicted to you, that now he looked like a drug addict without his drug.

He came to a corner and stopped, watching the traffic go by. People came and went, each one busy with their own lives, while he felt his own freeze at that exact point. It wouldn't matter if he just crossed and a car ran him over.

At least you'd find out and go see him at his funeral, right?

Seeing you was an idea that tormented him.

It wasn't about the superficial beauty, the kind words or the smiles he offered to others. It was about everything he didn't show: his flaws, his insecurities, the scars he carried like an invisible weight.

You knew him so well that it scared him to the point, you knew the exact number of freckles he had, the amount of moles on his body, how he likes to sleep, even the most obvious flaws like bathing barefoot or sleeping without turning off all the lights.

Did you ever wonder what he was hiding behind those eyes?

He doubted it. Not because he thought you weren't interested, but because he knew you already knew.

Maybe it was easier to keep things that way, with distance as a shield.

But there were nights, like this one, when he allowed himself to dream of a different world. One where you could look at him and understand him. A world where your love, if it ever became real, would be enough to free him from this internal prison he had built himself.

You tore down all the walls he had worked so hard to build, taking him, his thoughts, all of whom there was nothing left.

He wasn't the kind of person who expected rescues. Yet there was something about you, something about the way you brightened even the grayest of days, that made him wonder if you could be the exception.

The rain began to fall softly, and Felix stood still, letting the drops cool his face. He closed his eyes for a moment, listening to the sounds of the city mixed with his own thoughts.

He had no answers that night, but he didn't need them either. He had learned to live with uncertainty, with the longing he didn't dare name.

Because deep down, he knew that your presence, even if only in his mind, was the only thing that made all of this worth it.

Even if you were no longer with him.

My life is so unfair... ... I'm still left in despair.

The sound of your laughter echoed in his head like a persistent echo, one he couldn't silence no matter how hard he tried. Felix couldn't help it: everything around him seemed to revolve around you.

But while you continued on, unconcerned, he remained trapped, a silent observer on the sidelines of your story.

He sat on a bench under the dim light of a street lamp, raindrops slowly soaking his hair.

The words of an unsent message kept floating in his mind. He had written it to you a thousand times, always in different forms, but he never dared to press "send."

He didn't know what scared him more: the possibility that you wouldn't respond or that you would, but only to confirm that you didn't feel the same way.

After so much time together, so much time apart, he didn't even know that you would respond anymore.

It wasn't the kind of thought he liked to indulge in, but that night, sitting in the dark with the cold seeping into his bones, it felt more real than ever.

It was unfair how every little gesture of yours seemed to light a fire in his chest while you, probably, weren't even aware of it. It was unfair how your words, always casual, became little treasures that he jealously guarded, even though you probably didn't even want a single one of them.

But what hurt him the most was the feeling that it could never be enough.

No matter how hard he tried to get closer, there was always something stopping him.

A deep, rooted fear that whispered to him that no matter how much you shined in his life, he would always be relegated to being a shadow.

Loving you hurt.

The confession wasn't something he could say out loud, but he felt it with every fiber of his being. Despair wasn't just sadness; it was a constant weight, a void he couldn't fill, no matter how hard he tried. It was the realization that even if you saw him, you could never see him the way he wanted to.

Your love was never real anyway.

Felix closed his eyes and let out a shaky sigh. He hated himself for feeling this way, for wanting something that seemed so out of reach. But more than anything, he hated himself for not having the courage to change it.

As the rain intensified, he slowly stood up, shoving his hands in his pockets and starting to walk again. There was no place he wanted to go, but standing still felt like giving up, and giving up wasn't an option.

The injustice of his situation was still there, like a thorn in his side, but so was the small spark of hope that he couldn't extinguish, no matter how hard he tried.

Because even though he didn't know if you could ever see him, he held on to the idea that somehow, it was worth it to stay there, waiting.

Always waiting for you.

Just when I thought that god... ... Had answered my whole prayer.

He stood still, staring at the empty space in front of him, as if waiting for something to change.

The room they shared, now silent, seemed so much bigger without you, emptier than he had ever imagined.

The promise of an eternal love was left behind, dissolved in the words no longer spoken, in the gestures no longer exchanged.

He had been so sure that he had finally found what he had always wanted.

As if, somehow, God had heard his prayers, having given him the love he so longed for.

A connection that seemed complete, as if all the pieces fit together perfectly in his life. The feeling that everything he had wanted for years, everything he had lost along the way, was within his reach.

He thought that, at last, he had found peace. That the uncertainty of his existence would vanish when he had someone to share it with. Everything seemed perfect, so natural and so easy. Until it wasn't.

The breakup had come abruptly, almost without warning, and it left a deeper mark on Felix than he had anticipated. In his mind, the image of everything he thought he had gained was crumbling, without explanation, without reason. What seemed to have been a clear and definitive answer to his prayers vanished into thin air, leaving him with a feeling of emptiness, as if the love he had felt had never been real.

"I think it's best that we break up."

He couldn't speak.

"I don't think being together is the best thing right now, Lixie."

He couldn't deny it.

"I stopped loving you."

He didn't react.

He felt like everything he had given, everything he had invested in that relationship, had been lost.

Despair began to take its place, like a shadow that lengthened, occupying every corner of his being.

How could he have been so blind? How could he have believed that, at last, everything would make sense?

Now there was only confusion and pain, a sense of being left behind, as if everything he had dreamed and prayed for so long had slipped away, perhaps forever.

Felix fell back onto the bed, head in his hands, feeling the heaviness of the moment crushing him. The answers he had hoped for, the promises he had believed, were gone, leaving behind only an echo of what could have been.

He had lost everything.

You were his everything.

After I let you go... ... And saw you out the door.

Felix stood, watching you walk towards the door.

Every step you took seemed heavier, and the silence that filled the room only made the weight of the goodbye more real.

His hands were cold, shaking slightly, but he didn't dare move them.

He couldn't.

He didn't know what to do, what to say.

He couldn't find the words.

"Felix…" Your voice, cracked, made his chest tighten, but he didn't say anything.

He looked at you, foolishly hoping you would change your mind. But you didn't.

"Please don't," he murmured, his eyes searching yours, but he only found indifference.

You sighed and, with one last look, walked over to the door. Felix swallowed, his heart pounding in his chest. It was as if time had stopped.

"Is this really what you want?" He asked, his voice shaking, though he tried to sound firm.

You paused for a moment, staring at the ground. “It’s not what I want, Felix,” you said quietly. “But it’s what I have to do. I’m sorry.”

Felix felt the ground crumble beneath his feet. “Do you have to? Do you, really? Leave me like this?” His throat closed up. He tried to speak, but the words caught. “We… we had it, we had it all! Don’t you see? We tried! We made it work! We can make it work!”

You turned to him, your eyes glassy, ​​but there was no trace of doubt in them. “We tried, yes, but… I can’t take it anymore. I can’t keep fooling myself, or you. I love you, Felix, but this… it’s not working.”

The words fell on him like a loss. “No… No, please. It’s not like that.” Felix took a step towards you, reaching out his hand, but you didn't take it. The distance between the two of you seemed to have suddenly widened, as if you were no longer within reach of his love.

"I'm sorry, Felix. You don't understand, but this is what's best for both of us." You opened the door, and for a second, Felix thought you might back out.

But you didn't.

"No! Don't go! You can't do this!" Felix screamed, his words filled with desperation. But your eyes only looked at him one last time, and you turned away.

"I stopped loving you." Was all you said before you completely disappeared from his life.

The sound of the door closing echoed in his ears like a blow, a lash to his soul. He stood there, staring into space, not moving, not knowing what to do. Everything he had dreamed of, everything he had believed in, crumbled in that instant. The empty room reminded him of what he had lost.

There was nothing left.

Felix stood there, alone, with the words he could never say hanging in the air.

The door was already closed, and with it, it seemed like all his chances had vanished.

Somehow, he knew he could never explain to you how deep his love was, or how much you meant to him.

Pain enveloped him, but so did the sadness of knowing that words would never have been enough to save what was already broken.

He loved you, but that, sadly, wasn't enough to keep you by his side.

All that was left now was the echo of what was, a goodbye left unsaid, a love lost without being fully understood.

He couldn't even confess how much he loved you before you left.

I wanted you to know... ... How much I love you so.

[fizzie-frog]

Blitzø: core self, trauma and healing (part two)

This is a continuation of my previous post. Thanks to Tumblr limitations, I had to split it into different parts (trust me, I wish I could've made it just one big post).

PART ONE

This might be long...

He tried to waddle through the trauma of existing as someone as self-loathing as himself.

He denied;

“I didn’t do anything, it was an accident!”

He isolated;

He minimized, often with humour;

“Uh-oh, looks like it sucked all the fun outta you!”

He avoided being vulnerable;

“I DID CARE!”

And felt awkward/uncomfortable when he did end up spilling out his emotions;

“Weeeeeeeell, fuck you!”

Suppressed his emotions;

… Cause they’re blinding and suffocating, and it’s easier to avoid them.

He hated himself and didn’t believe there is anything good about him, despite having changed lives for the better;

And he dipped if he got too close (everything literally burnt down when he tried getting closer, didn’t it);

He often didn’t believe others would hold any endearment for him, even taking it as a joke;

“I destroy everything, everyo— I make everyone’s lives worse!”

And that’s it, really. He believes he’s a pest, a virus, something that can only do harm. While his core self still showed itself from time to time, he was blinded with the trauma of all his wrongdoings. All the people he’s hurt and that, in a self-fulfilling prophecy, made him hurt even more.

Everything he couldn’t look straight in the eye. The death of his mother, caused by him. The hurt of his friend, caused by him. The hurt he’s caused around himself. He couldn’t bear see it, knowing it would break him down. That’s why he avoided it. Thinking about what happened, what he did is suffocating. But that also blinded him from seeing his good deeds too. As usual, we’re more likely to see the negative over the positive.

Blitz picked himself up by the bootstraps as they say, but it didn’t help him, not within himself. So what did help?

I think it started in Oops…

He didn’t wanna be vulnerable, but after so much hurt and things left unsaid, it spilled. It all spilled out and made him into a crying mess right in front of Fizz, cause as much as he tried to act unbothered, he did care (as he said in the episode). He was vulnerable, he explained to Fizz exactly what happened instead of holding it in anymore, he apologized to Fizz. They both learnt what happened.

And the kicker? It paid off! Blitz was finally vulnerable to someone, his former best friend, and Fizz forgave him. He got his dear friend back for this. Not only did he win someone he loves back, but also this came as a punch to those unhealthy beliefs, cause he was vulnerable and it didn’t turn out bad.

We have Ghostfuckers.

After being plagued by his memories, Millie came to his aid. She not only reminded him of a time he actually changed her life for the better, but also confirmed that he indeed cares for Blitz.

Then the moment of truth…

Can’t get anymore raw than the moment when his death was imminent. It’s often in times like this that we people’s raw emotions.

In a moment when even Loona was tearing up at the thought of losing Blitz. When all his friends were already mourning him, crying for him as he was about to lose his life.

And in that moment, when he was sure he was gonna die, he could finally say it…

“I love you, guys”

There was nothing to be lost. He was gonna die and the last thing he knew was that his friends were crying for him, but were safe. He could die happy.

Of course though, he didn’t, as we know. Once he was outside the court room, he was pulled in a sobbing hug by his friends and daughter that were relieved he was okay. Even further proof of being loved. Despite the horrible circumstances, it must be so healing to his heart to have that.

True, unfiltered confirmation of being loved. He is loved. The possibility of someone you love dying shakes you. Loona realized it wasn’t worth pretending anymore - life is so short, especially for low class hellborns.

And probably so did Blitz. He was finally in a happy place. His daughter loved him, his friends loved him. Stolas loved him.

He is loved.

So in the Sinsmas episode, we started seeing so much more of who he once was.

He was goofy,

Attentive,

Listening,

Supportive,

Cheerful,

Encouraging,

Patient,

He looked at potential future,

He was selfless,

Protective,

Kind,

Even romantic.

And he was happy…

That’s not to say he’s completely healed. I think you can never truly heal from something like this, especially the magnitude of what Blitz went through in his life, and his issues can resurface.

But at this point in time, he’s finally in a happy place. He was affirmed, comforted and reassured. He’s content, and that’s the most healed he can be.

His core self is finally seeing the light of day. He is more himself than he’s ever been since that day.

So that was it. I’m sorry if I was a bit messy some places; as mentioned, life is kind of a struggle. Sometimes I feel like my brain is deteriorating or something, lmao, but I wanted to put this together cause I feel like Blitz has such a good, painfully relatable (to me anyway) arc and he’s such a complex character.

My love for Fizz remains the biggest, but I couldn’t deny the love I have for Blitz. He’s just such a good character with such good development. Selfish yet selfless, careful yet careless… So many dimensions.

If you made it this far, thank you! <3

[classicanalyzer]

What If Season 3 - What If... Agatha Went to Hollywood? Thoughts

"Everyone has a story worth telling. Even two lost souls on the wrong path. But sometimes, all it takes is a trip to the movies to remind you that anything is possible, even a happy ending. Then again, who doesn't love a cliffhanger." Uatu

This episode goes so hard. I really love the dynamic between Agatha and Kinko. Howard and Jarvis are a comedic blast. It's such a fun episode playing around with three diva characters who would've been around by this point of the timeline. The episode is also a love letter to cinema and the history of 1940s Hollywood with little details sprinkled out. This is What If at its best.

I love how this AU results from Agatha learning of Tiamut's existence. I also can't believe and love how What If also connects to Agent Carter since Howard did try to become a movie director (with mixed results to say the least). I think they also brought back Bernard Stark when Jarvis was trying to shoo away a flamingo from the set.

The dance choreography goes so fucking hard. I love musicals, so to see a musical dance number in the MCU is pretty great. The Hollywood and Bollywood dancing and music styles meshed really well in this episode. It was a pretty smart idea to acknowledge Agatha's power absorption powers would make it relatively easy for her to take the Eternals' powers. The real goats are the dancing teams of Agatha and Kingo for improvising so well during their fight lmao. Howard mentioning the Hinderberg is pretty funny since Agatha All Along said Agatha was suspected of causing the Hinderberg's destruction.

Agatha is amazing. Kathryn Hahn really loves playing this character and you can tell it. Whoever had the idea of pairing her up with Howard, Jarvis, and Kingo deserves a raise. I really love how she really leans into the actress role so much that she loves it by the end. Her Celestial design is simply beautiful. Her costumes are also great. Agatha becoming a Celestial would've been so in-character for her if she knew about them like we saw in this universe. There's something funny and cathartic about Arishem the Judge calling Agatha, a witch who lived through the Salem period, a heretic, then Agatha proceeding to beat the shit out of Arishem, that was a great historical joke.

I really love Kingo in this episode as well. While the Eternals was flawed, it had a great cast and worldbuilding. I love how Kingo was able to reach out to Agatha by appealing to an empty void inside of them until they did film. I really love his speech to Agatha. Stories whether that be film, games, etc inspire other people like me and I really connected with what he meant. It just reminds you that Kingo has a lot of depth to his character. I will say Kingo turning on Arishem in exchange for a three-picture deal is pretty hilarious (and other requests including his friends being freed). All the Eternals had to do was offer him that lmao. Kumail Nanjiani did an amazing job playing this character.

Jarvis eventually accepts the insanity and chaotic nature of the cast, which is pretty funny to see. He's such a comedic riot in the episode alongside the rest.

This episode really is one of the best episodes. This really showcases What If using its premise to create stories we never thought we needed until now.

"At some point, somewhere in our lives, the world made us feel small, so we set out to show them. But, Agatha, you never needed all this power. Because you've always had the only magic you'd ever really needed to leave your mark on the world." Kingo

"Uh-huh, uh-huh. And what magic is that?" Agatha Harkness

"The movies. The movies are magic, Agatha. Hell, they're better than magic. Because they change the world by changing people. By making them feel something real. And with that kind of power, you don't have to be feared. Because you can be adored." Kingo

"You can't possibly understand how long I've worked for this." Agatha Harkness

"Well, I've been on Earth for thousands of years, so I kinda do. And if you're anything like me, maybe all this time, you've just been looking for the right collaborator. So, what do you say? Wanna change the world? For real?" Kingo

[savagewildnerness]

Last part of TVL!

There's so much I feel like cannot happen on TV... Do you think some of it can happen? I guess, to embrace whatever will be instead as new can be exciting too!

Epilogue:

Questions:

Book-Lestat sleeps 1929-84 (55 years), but he’s really out of action 1860-1984 (from when Claudia murders him.) 124 years… He was mortal 1760-1780 then had pretty much 80 years of vampiric existence… really… when he awakens in 1984, although he is 224 years old, he has only lived 100 years  of life - only now is he really embarking on actual living-years beyond a mortal’s.  (It’s also implied Nicki is slightly older than Lestat as Nicki dies in 1789 and Lestat says he is 30.  This could just be an *ish*, but still…  This is also the year of Marius.  So Nicki would be born 1759 and Lestat 1760 in the book….). Also Lestat, Louis and Claudia are together for 65 years… Ish. Louis made a vampire in 1791 and Claudia in 1794.  Claudia and Madeleine are killed in 1865 in the book.

Now, on TV, Lestat is a mortal 1760-1794.  He turns Louis in 1910 and Claudia in 1917 and they kill him in 1940… He’s going to be rockstar Lestat in 2025-ish, at which point he would be 265 years old… he is going to have been out of the world pretty much 1940-2025 - 85 years, but how much dirt nap time will he have had and when?  I think he’s only going to sleep in between Nicolas and Louis myself.  If he really did sleep for around 100 years, that would take him to a comparable amount of existence as book-Lestat - around 100-ish years (105) of mortal and vampire existence.  Louis and Claudia and Lestat have only 23 years together, the three of them on TV?

OK… all that to say a few things - in 1860-1984 Lestat misses out on much of the Industrial Revolution, an era he finds desperately unromantic and depressing.  How will the time shift affect this on TV?  I think, given there’ll only be one nap it’ll be grief, not the era that drives Lestat underground most likely… but what is it about whenever Lestat rises that will bring him back?  *Just* Marius?  Because I would say NOW feel this dreariness and doom and lack of Romance of the Industrial Revolution…??  When compared to when book-Lestat wakes…

Q Will the show compare Nicki and Louis, or do you think they’ll be more different on TV given how Louis is compared to book-Louis.  Here, Lestat compares their cynicism and self-destructiveness and I think those two traits are held nay show-Louis too…

Q How will it affect things that it is Louis rather than Claudia who gives Lestat his near slip into mortal death?  The thing is, this is less true anyway on the show as Lestat is both stronger and less badly injured… and potentially it could up the poignancy of Loustat… but it would lessen something for Lestat and Claudia

Q Will Lestat not mention Antoinette, the way he doesn’t mention Antoine in the book.  LOL - poor Antoine!

Q Might Lestat actually still say his murder was all Claudia’s fault to Armand, at least initially?  

Q Book-Armand wants Claudia dead so he can have Louis and he wants Louis and Lestat to both think each other dead (though he’d kill neither.). But what does TV Armand want and why?  Is it safely, solely?  So he was willing for whoever to get killed at the trial as long as some thing remained so he could continue to exist and he literally wasn’t fussy?  This concept feels pretty vague and strange to me…?

Q P511-2 Louis says Lestat made fledglings in NOLA, but Lestat says they’re orphaned fledglings who just stumbled on his lair.  Who do you believe?  I believe Lestat in this as I think he’d have been way too weak from how everyone describes him to make any fledgling and also Louis only assumes they’re his fledglings.  However, I do believe Louis’ account that he visited Lestat in person, didn’t just see him through the window as Lestat describes here.  It makes no sense that Armand tells Louis to go to NOLA to see Lestat, then Louis finds Lestat and doesn’t even enter the building to speak to him.  In what world!  No world!  I think Lestat is just ashamed.  Not because of how pitiable he looks and is… but because he begged Louis to stay with him so pitiably and Louis left him.  I think the idea that Louis could walk away from him is too much for  Lestat’s mind.  And I also think he was pretty addled at this time - weak and every thing he’s unsure what was real or dream or illusion… so Lestat might not even fully remember it anyway, even though it happened.  I think Lestat is ashamed and hurt.

I do think they need to get across the fact of Amand’s incandescent rage because he loves Lestat, but Lestat loves Louis in a way he never did, Armand.

Q Did book-Lestat make Louis partly to punish him for Nicki?  And TV Lestat?

Notes:

“Louis was a sufferer.” - Is that what makes folk fascinating, Lestat?

“His blindness to the motivations or the suffering of others” reads like lack of empathy, naivety and self-centredness to me, as Lestat describes Louis… which doesn’t;t sound very charming to me…

Interesting that Louis eviscerates Lestat in IWTV, but p501 Lestat doesn’t care about denying any of that… BUT he wants us to know Louis begged Lester to never leave him - that Louis didn’t say he loved and needed Lestat is what bothers Lestat, not that he pained him as a literal Hell-Demon.

“He must look presentable, our lost lord.  That was always his way.”  I think this line could be on TV.

P510 - “My never ending supple of ‘coin of the realm’” - I love how Anne just writes this like it is here: a magical money tree.

“I’d slip a little deeper away from things, just lying in the dark.”  I love how Anne describes depression, grief and withdrawal from the world.

Has anyone read Black Mask?  Is it light or dark?  Serious?  Easy to read?

I wrote hearts over this last part of the book over and over: so much love for Louis.

Lestat is so out of it when Armand visits.  He doesn’t know what’s real and what isn’t and doesn’t have the capacity to even think on it. P513 - many quotes here.  Lestat feels close to madness…. And again, I say Louis did visit.

“Look at the fire.  Wouldn’t it be lovely if it took the whole room?  Wouldn’t it be lovely if it spread and spread and took us all?  You can never see things becoming impossible.  If only you knew beforehand the forces are… invisible… that bring you to a stop, you might be able to prepare… One day you can’ muster the will to cross the room.  Open spaces… passable… everywhere… who saw it coming?” Richard Greenberg, The Dazzle. I’m reminded so strongly of this when Lestat is finally talking about candles running out, time passing in strange ways and at last going into The Earth to hold him, surrounded by slithering things that are not horrific.

Akasha’s words are exactly Allessandras (p518 & 221)

Things that can’t happen on TV:

Lestat doesn’t have a full mortal lifetime with Louis and Claudia, only 23 years

Lestat can’t tell us he only killed the evildoer during his time with Louis without huge retcon of conversations we saw

Claudia isn’t the one who took him closest to a mortal death, it’s Louis.  And he was stronger and less injured, so also - not so close to a mortal death.

I’m really sad we can’t see Lestat as described on p504 - as a hideous and crippled monster, hunting on the outskirts of society, basically a revenant - his soul shattered as well as his body, such that his light is gone and he is a husk of a being, merely existing, more beast than human for sure.

Lestat cannot go to Armand in Paris in order to drink his blood and be healed.  He is not as injured and he is stronger on TV too.

Armand can’t trick Lestat the way he does in the book into being imprisoned as Lestat is incredibly mentally fragile as well as physically fragile here in the book - psychologically and emotionally, and I just don’t see how he can be to this degree on the show, once again, given the above changes and that he cannot have just gone through these years of revenant-esque existence.

Armand can’t see Lestat’s scars as he does in the book.

Armand can’t feel the level of triumph he does in the book.

Lestat’s vanity matters here - when Armand is taking him to the theatre, he does’t want to be *seen*, but given he never looked more immaculate than at the trial, he can’t be bothered about this…. Like book-Lestat wouldn’t want to see Louis in Paris as he’d be ashamed of being seen how he was there by Louis, for example.

Lestat is in fact so fragile here, that even is courage deserts him.  I want to see this Lestat in Paris, but I cannot conceive of how it could be possible given the changes on TV.

Assad would be so brilliant conveying Armand’s incandescent range at Lestat reminding him all he’d given him and expecting something now in return, when from Armand’s perspective, he hasn’t let go of what Lestat did to the old coven at all… but all of this can’t happen on telly…

Lestat can’t be kept in the Bosch basement of literal Hell….. nor can he be shoved with barely any warning into the trial as he rehearsed it on TV…. Might Armand keep him in one of the coffins in the cellar, like Nicki, like Louis for a time? (See quote p508). I don’t think so, but it is possible…

Claudia going silently into death didn’t happen.  It’s really sad how Lestat describes this in the book.

Armand pushing Lestat off the tower - it’s just too similar to the Louis-Lestat drop… unless Armand literally replicates it to punish Lestat???  But if that’s the case it isn’t like the book in any case.

Lestat being stuck in Paris (a place of trauma for him) for 2 years till he is strong enough to get back home can’t happen.

Armand’s vision of restoration to SadStat p514 can’t happen BUT I WANT IT.  I love how it echoes the glorious vision from when Lestat was but a baby vampire too, that Anne wrote in that magnificent prose!

Armand can’t watch over Lestat for 55 years in NOLA as Lestat sleeps like in the book, I’m sure.  Might he during Lestat’s 1800’s nap?  It’s described how he does this by Louis in the book on p531

Louis can’t have thought Lestat was dead… not pre-rock star era a anyway as he’s literally just seen him!  Too many changes for that.  In the books, when Louis visited Lestat, he thought he was dying a mortal old-age-esque death and he left him anyway, which for me amps up the tragedy of it, as Louis loves Lestat, yet leaves him.  Leaves him thinking he may never see him again, as he may now die.  And maybe it’s what he deserves.  And maybe it’s a kindness.  And now he is alive and restored here… but it can’t be this way on TV.  Things are not this way.

Lestat being sarcastic is fun:

Sarcastic about other vampires in fiction p502

And again, p530

Lines for TV

Harecatcher/ratcatcher from Armand to Lestat

Delicious it was, the hatred between us, or so I thought.  Such unfamiliar excitement, to have him there to ridicule and despise.

"I can't deceive you," I answered. "I can't love you. What are you to me that I should love you? A dead thing that hungers for the power and the passion of others? The embodiment of thirst itself?” - but when?  As not in NOLA…..

I hope Lestat says this “The earth was holding me. Living things slithered through its thick and moist clods against my dried flesh. And I thought if I ever do rise again, if I ever see even one small patch of the night sky full of stars, I will never, never do terrible things. I will never slay innocents. Even when I hunted the weak, it was the hopeless and the dying I took, I swear it was. I will never never work the Dark Trick again. I will just ... you know, be the "continual awareness" for no purpose, no purpose at all.”

I’m sure Louis will call Lestat Monsieur Le Rock Star.

“I think to be this happy is to be miserable, to feel this much satisfaction is to burn.” Lestat, on being with Louis.

“And I had always loved him, hadn't I, no matter what happened, and how strong could love grow if you had eternity to nourish it, and it took only these few moments in time to renew its momentum, its heat?” Such a lot of love in this meeting.

Hopefully we get to see Louis protect Lestat by punching someone like he does p544….

Dionysus in San Francisco:

Questions:

Q How will a rockstar tour work?  Akasha appearing at the final concert and that being San Francisco?  I guess the music industry is very different now… you wouldn’t get someone as famous as Lestat describes with such buzz yet who’d never performed live, I think…. Also, Louis worries about Lestat performing one concert… how will he feel about a whole tour?  When will Akasha wake?  How will Marius play Lestat’s music to her?

Q Will Lestat write an actual book?  Or will it be something else?  And how will Louis consume whatever it is?

Q P529 What’s the pain Lestat senses in Louis?  “I sensed a pain in him, running like a vein of ore through his whole being, a vein that could carry feeling to the coldest depths.” Yearning? Worry?  Guilt?  Regret?

Q Lestat seeks meaning to fit the age, but The Age now is the 2020’s, not the 1980’s.  What is the spirit and meaning of right now?

Q Any lines you think might be used as song lyrics?

Q: Will Lestat’s rockstar career be compared to Nicolas and the Theatre Des Vampires?

What Lestat is doing with his rockstar stuff is very similar to what Nicolas was doing with the Theatre des Vampires 200 years earlier. Both of them are actually revealing true vampire experience though art, which is perceived by mortals as only art.

But actually Nicolas did it in a more artistic & darker & meaningful way - with some kind of actual lesson about true evil in his art & the artistic expression of his own experience.

However, Lestat in true Lestat style goes all out on charisma & fun & entertainment & wants to create joy & enjoys the kind of pagan/religious/Witches’ Place Rapture of it all.

But, Lestat despises Nicolas’ art as a vampire: because it is so vampiric & inhuman. He calls it ‘petty’. But it *is* at least Nicki’s genuine expression.  And I don’t think we can argue anything other than that it was ‘better’ art, too!  And Lestat - you and Nicki both *are* vampires!  You made Nicki this!

In any case, what on Earth would 1780’s Lestat say to his own 1980’s art!!!?!

Lestat even calls his own lyrics puerile… so why does he not even want to make good art?  The lyrics in all caps and the fact they were vampire capes… it is all SO cheesy!!

I am also reminded of Lestat’s first on-stage vampire breakdown with his rockstar feats - there’s a similar vibe, except in a new era, where Lestat no longer scares as these humans can believe these things possible that weren’t possible 2 centuries earlier.

Q Lestat reading a Bowie biography at some point?  Surely some biography of some musician we’ll see…?

Lestat literally screams “"I AM EVIL! EVIL!”” P541 and it is SO Nicolas screaming what he truly is at passersby… yet the impact is different as 2025 is different.  But I feel you could parallel this somehow if you so chose to.

The concert is described as almost transcendental.

“Deliver me from this, deliver me from loving it. Deliver me from forgetting everything else, and sacrificing all purpose, all resolve to it. I want you, my babies. I want your blood, innocent blood. I want your adoration at the moment when I sink my teeth. Yes, this is beyond all temptation.” - Love me to death.

Notes:

“Our record album” is so antiquated!  Is it Lestat or Anne, out of touch?  Anne wasn’t old when she wrote TVL, so maybe it is intentionally Lestat?

Louis knows Lestat seeks him when he drives Diivisadero Street (p522 & p527)

Vampire loneliness on p523 “I realized that I possessed a new concept of loneliness, a new method of measuring a silence that stretched to the end of the world. And all I had to interrupt it were those menacing recorded preternatural voices which carried no images as their virulency increased:”

Lestat wants to feel the love of an audience, from the adoring swathe.  To be the God.

“My Louis” p523

“And at odd moments I remembered those long-ago nights at Renaud's little theatre too clearly. The strangest details came back, the feel of the white paint as I had smoothed it over my face, the smell of the powder, the instant of stepping before the footlights.” When I was 8 I was in Laurel’s ballet - a ballet written by a girl who’d once danced at the dancing school and tragically died young (I didn’t know her.  I was only 8.  She hadn’t been at the dancing school when I was there. I presume she must have died in her early 20’s and left the dancing school before I began when I was 2.)  Anyway, I was the youngest group in the ballet - we were 8-18 and it was all about the sea.  People played pearls, seahorses, the rainbow, the swirling waves, the sun…. But me?  I was SEAWEED.  To cap off the insult, most characters got a choreographed dance, but we just had to lie over rocks, still for the majority of the ballet then swirl about randomly for a moment.  But we also wore one-shoulder, poo BROWN leotards with thick, hurts hard elastic in and with straggly bits of green dangling off them on and our entire face and arms and legs and shoulder were covered in green greasepaint.  We did two shows some days and I can still smell that green greasepaint… which,  is NOT easy to get off, may I add! Just, Lestat talking of his painted face brings that smell and feeling back to me, too.

“"I want to affect things, to make something happen!”” Is this the root of Lestat?  Despite all in his mind, Lestat is a doer.

Salamander is hilarious.  I hope they keep the name on TV.

The oyster shell swimming pool is so ’80’s.

I love how Lestat describes Louis is this part of the book, and seeing Jacob and Sam together as Louis and Lestat with this vibe is going to be so beautiful.  I drew hearts all over the pages.

The embrace on page 526 reminded me of the S2E8 embrace?

“It was like taking pictures from the attic, cleaning away the dust and finding the colors still vibrant. And the pictures should have been portraits of dead ancestors and they were pictures of us.” - Such exquisite and evocative description. And “everything growing older, except us.” There’s a new sense of time for Lestat now.

Are you interested?  Yes, you know I am… hehehehehe - this will be electricity.

I love Lestat feeling too much to be able to say he loves Louis.

“I didn't tell him about the mortal part, the vanity of wanting to perform, the eerie madness that had come over me when I saw myself on the television screen, saw my face on the album covers plastered to the windows of the North Beach record store.” We could ask Sam if he can relate to Lestat here?

P532 Louis tells Lestat he thinks he understands but does he really - just as Allessandra did in Les Innocents so long ago.

P533 - talk of evil to fit the age… how would a vampire fit in in 2025?

P536 Love the talk of coming back to each other… though likely doesn’t fit for TV in quite this way.

“the love I felt for him was positively humiliating.”

“The morning was too empty after he had gone.”

P536 - crazy that Lestat has never actually even been to a gig to watch!  And it is interesting how he describes the experience of performing in such a religious-ritualistic way, that reminds me of Mael’s druid ceremonies and The Witches’ Place more than it reminds me of Renaud’s.  

I’d forgotten how many scythes there are in the last section!  How did they get them through security?!

Lestat and Louis both have the power to burn people on TV… not just Akasha, so some of this will be different.

I’m excited to see Gabrielle and Louis together!  What does Louis think of Gabrielle?  What does Louis understand of Lestat from meeting Gabrielle?

So interesting how you can feel the calm Akasha projects to Lestat and he alone.

“"That music of yours could wake the dead.”” Is such a Mum thing to say, haha!

“And I felt the voiceless cry rising out of me and traveling into oblivion. I could almost feel it traverse the world of visible proportions, feel it grow fainter and fainter, feel it burn out.” Gorgeously written!

I feel so bad for Marius at the end here.  Though he also, once again, did play Lestat’s music to Akasha!  I love the many repetitions of earlier phrases in this last section of the book - echoes through time.

“Alien, utterly foreign, yes.

But not uncivilized, no, not savage. She was not that. She was only just reawakened, my goddess, risen like a magnificent butterfly from its cocoon. And what was the world to her? How had she come to us? What was the state of her mind? Danger to all of us. No. I don't believe it! She had slain our enemies. She had come to us.” - lovely 

The end is great as a TV series ending!  Better than for a book!

“But I couldn't fight the drowsiness and heaviness any longer. Pure sensation was driving out all wonder and excitement. My body grew limp and helplessly still against the earth.

And then I felt a hand suddenly close on mine.

Cold as marble it was, and just about that strong.

My eyes snapped open in the darkness. The hand tightened its grip. A great mass of silken hair brushed my face. A cold arm moved across my chest.

Oh, please, my darling, my beautiful one, please! I wanted to say. But my eyes were closing! My lips wouldn't move. I was losing consciousness. The sun had risen above.”

I wonder how they will portray how Lestat feels towards Akasha on TV?

[alexihollis]

Jealousy the Funny Disease (pt. 1)

*someone said something about a polycule and it grew in my brain*

There was a time where Rembrandt truly did believe that Ajax would figure it out. It being the obvious attraction Ajax had to Swan. Swan's attraction to Ajax. Rembrandt's attraction to Swan and Swan's attraction to Rembrandt that often involved Swan panicking if she so much as accidentally brushed the back of her hand against Rembrandt's. She thought that, once Ajax figured it out, maybe had a minor freak out about it, preferably chose to not fight Swan about said panic, maybe they could bring Swan into their relationship. Maybe it wouldn't be forever, but...Rembrandt thought it could be nice. At least for a little while.

They got close, in a way. There were many nights spent, just the three of them in the night, Swan and Ajax watching Rembrandt's back as she tagged. Swan might have flinched away from physical affection, but she always listened when Rembrandt went on her tangents and offered her quiet insights. She even went to the art museums with Rembrandt, which even Ajax found difficult, as much as she tried for Rembrandt. They went out to the queer bars and Swan hung around the walls, watching until it was time to go home. And despite the fact that Ajax was willing to wingman pretty much anyone, she never tried to find Swan a girl, not once. So. Rembrandt hoped. She hoped the little thing that existed between the three of them might grow.

Except Ajax never did figure it out. Swan became Cleon's number two and the closest her and Ajax came to talking about their mutual feelings was when they were pummeling each other. And Rembrandt never said anything, because she was painfully aware how badly this could go. How quickly Ajax would sacrifice herself if she thought it would make Rembrandt happy and that was simply not allowed.

Then came the night from Hell and, suddenly, Swan had a girlfriend for the first time. It hurt, a bit. To see Swan and Mercy so happy while Rembrandt stressed over Ajax getting out.

Ajax got out, though, sooner than anyone imagined and also too long - two months.

"Did she even go through initiation?" Ajax grumbled, brow lowered as she all but glared across Cleon's living room at where Mercy and Swan were curled up on the couch. Swan read a book and Mercy pretended to read the same book, but spent much more time slowly finger-combing Swan's hair.

"She did more than enough, be nice," Rembrandt chided, nudging Ajax's shoulder with her own where they leant against the wall.

Ajax's jaw flexed, but she didn't say anything. Well. She didn't say anything, then, and she didn't say anything specific.

"Her jokes aren't that funny," Ajax muttered under her breath later that night when Swan was laughing at something Mercy said.

It caught Rembrandt completely off-guard and all she could do was side-eye Ajax.

"Why the fuck doesn't she just wear her own colors?" Ajax grouched a couple of days later when Swan and Mercy were play fighting over Swan's colors, currently on Mercy's back.

Rembrandt looked down at her vest. Then at Ajax, "I stole your original vest."

Ajax gritted her teeth. "That's different."

"We were initiated at the same time."

"It's. Different." Rembrandt did not push it farther.

She thought it was cute, how Mercy stole Swan's colors. A traitorous thought occurred that it would be really cute if she stole Swan's and then Swan stole Ajax's. Then, Mercy and Rembrandt could watch Swan and Ajax fight over- Nope. Not going there, no, bad brain, baaaad brain, there is a snowball's chance in hell at this point.

"I can't believe Cleon sent them out alone," Ajax griped and, at this point, it had been two weeks of this nonsense and Rembrandt was losing her mind a little bit.

"Uh-huh," was Rembrandt's only response from her and Ajax's bed, sketching in her sketchbook while Ajax got ready for bed.

"She always sends Swan and me," Ajax continued. "Swan and I have each other's backs for gigs like that."

"They're still in Brooklyn."

"Swan's a good fighter, she can take me, but she isn't intimidating," Ajax said. "And neither is Mercy! Cleon's asking for them to get jumped!"

"Oh, my God, will you just admit you're jealous?!" Rembrandt exclaimed, looking up at Ajax exasperated.

"I'm not jealous!" Ajax retorted. Then, after a moment, more forcefully, "I'm not jealous! Why would I be jealous?"

Rembrandt groaned, rolled her eyes. "Never mind."

But Ajax was not finished. "Why would I be jealous? Just because Swan barely talks to me anymore. And now Cleon's sending Mercy out instead of me. I'm not jealous. I don't care that Swan thinks Mercy's funny. Or that Mercy's pretty in that soft, girly way. I don't want to be like that. You're pretty like that, though, so I do think it's kind of bullshit, because Swan should have noticed. And Swan needs other things, too. Swan's always taking care of everyone else and she never puts herself first, ever. Ever. She just met Mercy, there's no way that Mercy knows that Swan does that, so what if she lets Swan do that all the time. Not to mention, Swan never hangs out with us anymore! It's always, 'I'm going out with Mercy' or 'Mercy and I are doing-Oh."

Ajax turned to Rembrandt with wide-eyes. "Am I jealous of Mercy?!"

"Yes. Yes, you are, thank you for finally catching up, you have been driving me crazy for weeks," Rembrandt grumbled as she tried to return to her sketchbook.

"But- I-"

Rembrandt finally took pity on Ajax. "We both liked Swan. Swan liked us. Neither of you figured it out enough to talk about it and now we're here." Then, because Rembrandt knew where Ajax was going to go with this, "Ajax, she really likes Mercy."

"But," Ajax's nose crinkled, the way it did when she was faced with a difficult problem. "Were we dating?"

"No," Rembrandt sighed. "No. Dating implies actual understanding. We were...doing something. I don't know, but...No. It is what it is."

"I don't like that."

"I know. But do you really want to mess this up for her? She's the happiest I've seen her in a long time."

It should have been easy, to watch someone you cared deeply for be happy. Even if it was with someone else.

It would have been easy, if Mercy wasn't Mercy.

Mercy tried so hard and there was something about that effort that made Rembrandt's heart ache as she watched it. She wanted to wrap Mercy up and promise that they had her, it was okay, no one was going to send her away, she was a Warrior now. Instead, Rembrandt had to trust that Swan was doing that.

"Why is Mercy funny?" Ajax grouched at their ceiling one night.

"Because she's fucking perfect," Rembrandt grouched back.

"Why are they both- That isn't fair."

"It really isn't."

"We're funny!"

"I'm funny."

"Okay, well, I'm buffer than Swan."

"I'm at least as pretty as Mercy."

"...this isn't making me feel better."

"Yeah, no, I don't think trash-talking women we like is going to help us."

To be Cont'd

Also if y'all have any prompts, they would be greatly appreciated! writer's block is trying to catch me, but i am outrunning it swiftly!

[misty-missdee]

(Some of the names in this story have been altered. Viewer discretion advised.)

Okay, it's storytime. Cause this shit still baffles me to no end so I gotta write about it.

At my job I met these two women who I now affectionately refer to as "my two goth moms" and they're great! They've been super duper sweet to me, and have done a lot of cool things to help me exist.

One of them, we'll call her Viper, is this 41-42 year old super duper og goth. Sometimes wearing trip pants to work in our business casual office type lady. She's very cool and nice, but sometimes people misundstand her, because she has a loud voice and an aesthetic. Viper has a girlfriend who we will call Tiffany.

When I met Viper, Tiffany did not work in our office, but I had met her a couple times when they took me out as a baby trans who had no idea what she was doing. Which was nice!

Tiffany is a early 30s individual who had some dire shit happen to her when she was in the army. Like, more than one dire thing which we needn't get into but I feel it's relevant.

I had quit my job briefly whilst I was tryna discover the meaning of life, but eventually came back and now Tiffany was also working there. Which was fine for a time, but It meant I was spending more time around Tiffany who started to have a lot of struggles at work. The more time I spent in her proxy the more my vibe reading sensor in my brain was like "hey uh, something is off with this individual."

Long story short with that she had to take loa, and then quit. I would still hang out with the two of them outside of work, because im tryna be a friend and have friends on occasion. However, "The vibe is still kinda off..".

Just a few things that made me like, idk about this person. She was also starting to text me paragraphs upon paragraphs. I guess she just did this to people, but I didn't really love it, because it reminded of my my Mother who had a tendency to smother me. Im also just not tryna read a ton of words all the time. So I didn't always respond to these excerpts from her self help novel she was texting me (thats a joke). I don't like to be coddled.

One day she sent one about some unsubstantial interaction we had where she got referred to as a mother too, since shes dating my goth mom Viper. Tiffany asking me not to do that is fine, but then equated it to my transness and my "request to be called a woman" as she put it. Which I understand now wasn't how she meant it, but I was rubbed the wrong way. It was infuriating read when I'm having some pretty intense identity issues at that time, so I'm really not tryna engage with any of this anymore. (It's also not a "request" motherfucker).

I had responded to that particular longasstextmessage with "certainly" to Tiffany's request to not calling her mommy(not even as a joke im supr srs). I'm sure "certainly" can be read as a bit annoyed. Which hey! You'd be right.

She responded with a one to two word response which honestly had me shook. Then several minutes later an overcorrction paragraph or two.

I try to distance myself at this point, because Tiffany is now actively making MY ANXIETY WORSE. some weeks pass, and I'm cooking in my kitchen when I get a message. All I see at that exact time is the preview of the message and I read "from Tiffany: I'm attracted to you...". I can't help but laugh, because like again, we were no more than acquaintances miss.. you can't honestly be this down bad over me that youre saying IM IN YOUR DREAMS AT NIGHT DISTRACTING YOU ALL THE TIME. I'm also really not trying to wreck my adoptive mother's home!!! AAAAAA!!!

So I wrecked my adoptive mother's home(sorta). Viper and Tiffany ended up breaking up, because Tiffany was becoming increasingly delusional about many things in her life. The final straw was Tiffany refusing to go to therapy, and not fully anything to do with me (thank goodness).

Thankfully where we find ourselves now in relation to this story Tiffany is in therapy. Viper and I are still good friends. Viper and Tiffany are still decent friends though they're not living together, or really an item.

Tiffany also... bought me some Christmas presents I didn't accept during the holidays, because all of this was ongoing. It wasnt until March where i accepted them from Viper. Tiffany bought me a really expensive bong, which I guess is a nice gesture for everything that happened, but gosh.. it still felt like a crazy gift from someone whose energies were so off, and we weren't even that close. Its a real nice bong at least.

So, Thats my story about how I was too nearby this one person and she fell madly in love with me somehow, ruined her own relationship, and I got a nice, new bong.

[xxplastic-cubexx]

you say they can’t put telepaths in marvel rivals, yet we have some very credible leaks that jean grey and emma frost are gonna be in the game soon.

that being said, jean has telekinesis (and the phoenix force) and emma has her diamond form. telepathy is all charles has, lmfao. odds are pretty low for him, but maybe not zero if they give him telekinesis!

if yall have me say he got psionic blasts one more time i am going to scream HE HAS MORE THAN TELEPATHY . LIMITED BUT HE HAS IT <- he has gone against sentinels and disabled armies with it before HE CAN FIGHT I PROMISEEE

and technically they did give him telekinesis in krakoa (and very weak telekinesis sometimes before krakoa) so .... not my fave move but he does have that ...... and ig they give him a gun sometimes ........ last resort type shit but he has options ..

[saintadeline]

Ohhh I am trying so hard not to get mad at people online you have to believe me but that post about bloodborne liking women is driving me a little bit crazy not gonna lie. We can all so clearly see and point out misogyny in ds (um. Im hoping at least) so why can't we ever do it in bloodborne? Even though its the same people? What about bloodborne makes you think theyre feminists all of a sudden. Because it talks about women? Okay, but that's not how that works, a work that disregards women is misogynistic, that much everyone knows, but a work that does talk about women but portray them in a weird light can also very much be. Also whenever people say bloodborne is about women or femininity, a huge chunk of the time what they mean is bloodborne is about motherhood and pregnancy. Which is true, but thats... Not what womanhood is thats not what women are about you can't just reduce women as a concept to birth. And motherhood. And being caretakers. Almost every woman in bloodborne has less agency than their men counterparts, most of them are more strongly abused, shown as complacent and weak and only exist to serve. Even maria has no agency and is constantly driven back to the fact she was gman's apprentice and following he and laurence's orders. She has little identity outside of them in written down ingame lore and the one time she did something outside of them, is the one time she became a caretaker (because all women are it seems). The fact the og lady maria npc even exists is even worse on that part. I'm using her as an example because shes the one people most often take as an example of bb being good about women (look theres a strong female character!) but it's obviously much more than just her, just look at arianna and adella for more than one second. The only npcs i can think of that i would consider Actually Good And Normal About Women are eileen and fauxsefka. And i mean actual npcs im not counting bosses that we dont know much about on a personal level (like rom and amelia)

What I'm trying to say is, i think it's awesome when people have feminist interpretations of bloodborne and i think its a good thing to take those female characters for yourself and its a good thing to make the game as transgender and gay as you want it to be, and its perfect soil for that too, i do it all the time and find many many themes in it by myself, but we can't keep lying to ourselves that it was any good at it on its own. It's soulsborne for fuck's sake it has Always been Really Weird about women and minorities just look at ds look at firekeepers and gwyndolin and many other examples. Bloodborne isnt exempt from that just because men are writing about pregnancy as horror.

[lupins-hehim-pussy]

I wanna know ur Fontaine msq criticisms 👁️👁️👂I’m all ears

I'm not sure if you wanted me to talk about this secretly or publicly but! Here I go!

The TLDR: Fontaine MSQ aestheticised prison, poverty, child abuse, the justice system/court and didn't properly address any of it.

More:

Focalors/Furina has way too much of a sympathetic angle for a dictator who's lets people drown with her inaction.

Neuvillette feels Bad for sentencing some people to death/prison, but that's it. He's one of the most powerful people in Fontaine. If he felt like there are systemic injustices, I.E sending an abused Child to prison, he should be the first person to DO something about it, not just cry and be sad so the audience can be like aw, that's complex character writing isn't it? No it's not! And guilt doesn't absolve you!!!!!!! (These are stuff we deal with in OTCOJ read my fic now /j)

Meropide has children in it, both Sentenced there (Wriothesley) and BORN THERE (Lanoire), and this is just a quirk of the place. Not only that, Meropide accepts prisoners of all genders and crimes. There are abusers and abuse victims in one place. Do you know how bad that is? How much potential for crimes to happen in a place like that— oh wait, Meropide isn't under Fontaine's jurisdiction. If you are assaulted as an inmate it literally means nothing to the court.

Wriothesley had no qualifications when he took over. Depending on how long he lived on the streets, how old he was when he killed his parents, how old he was when he was first taken in by the orphanage, etc, the man might never have more than 4–5 years of formal education. Sigewinne probably had to teach him how to write reports. And do Meropide's spreadsheets. Edit because I forgot to elaborate on this one: This isn't a point brought up anywhere, which is bad, because when poverty and incarceration robs you of a proper education (and the rights to vote in many places too, too, by the way), it reduces your prospects for jobs, reduces many people's ability to get a home etc etc. Wriothesley was just, narratively, Given his position.

Meropide is an industrialized prison, and they portray this as a good thing. Prisoners are paid in coupons for their labour, and this is also portrayed as a good thing.

The One-Meal-A-Day reform was something Paimon gushed about being so great of a perk, that people might want to go to jail for food (could be interesting and reflective of systemic poverty if MHY had brains, but they don't, so I was just Pissed because essentially all Paimon wanted to say was "Prison isn't so bad, but still don't go to prison guys! Prison labour is really hard!"). By the way, in most real-world prisons they are obligated to feed you three meals a day. Because that's how much food a human needs. MHY went with one meal just so they can say "if you want to eat more, you have to work." And then the welfare meal is a goddamn gacha. So imagine you're a starving child who's too weak to work in the fucking robot assembly line, and you wander up for your first meal in 24 hours, only to luck in with a shit one. I'd kill myself.

They wrote Wriothesley, who's a victim of the system, into a guy who's say shit like "I'm the Duke I can do whatever I want" for a cool moment where he choke-slams an inmate (I know he was a bad guy. But also, in copaganda when cops are violent/disregarding protocols, they are always only portrayed to do that against bad guys, so what does our critical thinking tells us about this one?) They wrote Wriothesley, who was an inmate of a prison so bad, so notorious that it is the literal boogeyman of Fontaine, that has a legal (???) fighting pit, with an administrator who abuses his position to be unreasonable, to willingly stay in the place and become an Administrator who would choke-slam an inmate while saying a cool line about how he has the power to do whatever he wants. They wrote him, the guy who had to be fed on the streets by melusines, to think one-meal-a-day was a good enough reform (while he spends god-knows how much on his boat). This wasn't a victim-turns-into-abuser narrative either, they want all this to be seen as positive character growth.

And then, the final kicker is, they gloss over his entire abuse. You can only read about these shit in his profile, which most people don't because they don't Have Him or doesn't care to unlock it/read it online, and they jammed his entire backstory into a flaccid info-dump at the end of his character story quest. This man isn't Allowed to feel abused and neglected and show any reaction to it within the narrative of Fontaine itself, because if they actually Gave Weight to what happened to him, they'd have to confront THE FUCKING JUSTICE SYSTEM they had NO PLANS on criticising. I don't think they ever explicitly said the fucking Crime-Theatre nonsense was Bad either.

I could go on, but this is already so long. But yeah, I hope this gave you an idea.

[luminaryofblood]

Like, I'm sorry, but I honestly, genuinely can not get behind Miquella's whole plan in the DLC if what he did to Mohg was part of that plan, whether the idea came in later or was part of the plan all along.

The bewitchment, the manipulation. Whatever he did to Mohg in life, and the ensuing defilement in death... The suffering Radahn went through, the devastation Malenia unleashed in his name -- the fact that Malenia was used in such a way, as a weapon. The Blade of Miquella...

Admire the sword for its capacity to protect; not for the amount of blood it has shed...

Miquella's Age of Compassion was a doomed thing - The wild dreams of a deluded child.

Like, there's a TON of issues that I have -- but looking at Mohg... Dear god, Mohg...

What happened with Caelid ought to be enough reasn to take up arms against Miquella and whatever his idea of compassion entails.

When it comes to Mohg though, I'm looking at that in the perspective of someone who did come to love him...

The fact that Ansbach, who was so willing to run the moment the enchantment broke, couldn't bring himself to leave because he wanted to know what happened to Mohg. And the moment he DOES learn, it cements his decision to stay and fight, even though it likely meant his death - and ultimately did...

That... Says a lot.

And dammit, so what if Ansbach is biased -- so is Leda. So is Freyja. How would YOU feel if someone you knew - who you were loyal to - hell, I WOULD go so far as to say someone you loved - was used in such a way as Mohg was? Could you POSSIBLY blame Ansbach?

Mohg was no saint. He wasn't innocent. But he WAS a victim. And I had argued that he was worthy of compassion, in spite of everything he HAD done -- even before the DLC confirmed he WAS bewitched. The truth of it just makes it hurt all the more.

He WAS deserving of compassion, but was instead used as a sacrifice - the manner of which was incredibly cruel for someone who was supposedly known for his kindness.

I suppose there's a certain irony, in a way. People were hellbent on avenging Miquella and the Haligtree upon finding out that Mohg was the one who abducted him. And people were eager in going after Mohg once it was confirmed that yes, he needed to die to access the DLC.

Some have had a change of heart. Others still believe that Miquella was justified in the way he used Mohg -- which, again, how compassionate could that possibly be?

The fandom is full of Needle Knight Ledas and Sir Ansbachs. With some Jerrens and Freyjas off to the side. In the end, all I can say is...

... My dear lord truly deserved better.

[moeblob]

What Deacon thinks: what did that mean? did he want me to wear a collar too? why else would he mention my neck? i mean, if he /asked/ me i would wear one but he didn't so would wearing one be weird?

What Ymber meant: It's nice to be near someone who isn't tethered to this world to serve it with a physical reminder for all to see.