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daystarsearcher · 7 months ago

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Thanks for the tag @envexenveritas. Saved it for the weekend when I had a bit more time and brainspace:

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

481,422 (Damn, if I wrote this much on my original fic, I could have a second novel done by now)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, Doctor Who/Big Finish and Holby. In the past I've written for Star Trek: the Next Generation and Star Trek: Deep Space, and I went through an intense Law and Order: Criminal Intent period in college.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The World Has No Place In Our Bed: Doctor Who, Kate/Osgood. You all love a fake marriage fic!

So Then This Happened: Doctor Who, Kate/Osgood PWP. There are things I'd change about the writing in this, but I guess you all like it!

Empty Spaces: Star Trek: the Next Generation, I looked at the whole Lal situation and decided to make it worse. People love being sad about Data, and who am I not to oblige?

Ghosts in the Machine: Doctor Who, TARDIS POV. One of my earliest fics and I still love writing her POV.

I Know My Sister Like I Know My Own Mind: Doctor Who, Kate/Osgood with Bonnie as the wingman. This was a fun one to write that I still have a soft spot for but kind of surprised to see it crack the top 5!

I do think it's very interesting how this differs when compared to comments. There's definitely a bias toward fluff for kudos (even the sad Data story ends on a hopeful note), while I get more comments on angst. (And I tend to get the BEST and most detailed comments on my absolutely unhinged stuff.)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! But I try to give it at least a week before I respond. If I respond to one right away, then I'll feel guilty for not responding to others right away, and then it starts to feel like a responsibility rather than a fun interchange of ideas and gratitude, and I don't want it to feel like that! Anyway, that's more info than you needed about my OCD but that is why I take awhile to respond. I do adore comments and often reread them when I am feeling down.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm, I have been trending towards endings with a tinge of hope, so even though Two Birds in A Cage may be my darkest fic overall, I don't think it wins this. In my Osgood Must Suffer verse, Nor Yet Favor to Women of Skill ends in a really dark place with Osgood totally brainwashed, yet the sequel It's True the Girl They Speak of Died sees her reaching for recovery. Similarly, in the Modern U.N.I.T Infernoverse, The Pieces That Get Sacrificed ends on a dark note, but Chess sees the promise of working towards a better self.

I think we have to reach back to some of my earlier, more edgelordy work, like Snuggle for LO:CI, which is just an autopsy of the two main characters, or Goodbye to Ugly Words and Yesterday and Everyone You Knew and Were, which sees Odo losing every bit of his hard-fought individuality and identity. Oh, or Vermin in the Lower Zoo, my AU of an evil First Doctor, that's a pretty dark ending.

Oh, wait, no Plaything, my AU of Pyramids of Sutekh where I slowly strip away everything the Fourth Doctor loves. Oh wait, no, final answer: Careful the Wish You Make: Wishes Are Children, in which I do the same thing to Sarah Jane, but worse.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmm, what makes an ending happier, the overall level of happiness or the contrast to the sadness or pain earlier in the story? I think this question is going for the former, so I'll say either Come to Me Softly, Come to Me Sweetly or The Completely True and Canon Story of Oswin Oswald Seduced Jo Grant, or Jo Seduced Her, or Something.

(Or if you want *waggles eyebrows* happy endings, maybe Respectful Discourse on Power Dynamics in the Workplace?)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really! I feel like I've maybe got one or two mean comments on a fic on FF.Net over the years, but nothing memorable. Edit: oh, I remember! One person got sooooo mad at my characterization of Goren and Eames in Give and Take. Sorry, buddy, people are going to have different opinions about characters than you and write porn about it!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Fuck yes I write smut. It's one of the great joys of my life. I write predominantly F/F these days, though I've written quite a bit of of F/M, and a sprinkling of threesomes. I've made liberal use of the BDSM tag, and I like things that play with power dynamics and trust.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

A few! One of my first fics was a cracky crossover, The Good Ship [Name of Ship]. I also did a LO:CI/X-Files crossover so Eames and Scully could have sex. It's not my favorite genre, but I'll do it for humor and/or smut.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I'm aware of, but it would be a great honor!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not really, but The Good Ship [Name of Ship] was written with the input of my best friend from high school, and she (with her fanfic author name) and some of her favorite characters do star in it. This is an important developmental stage for teen fic authors and I refuse to be embarrassed about it.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Impossible to choose. But have this handy summation:

Picard/Crusher, Odo/Kira, The Doctor/Sarah Jane, Bernie Wolfe/Serena Campbell: these ships changed me as a person and filled my heart to overflowing with yearning, making me believe in love across time and space and alternate universes

Kate Stewart/Osgood: I want the older authoritative one to top the shy nerdy one. A lot.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I am fully committed to eventually finishing every WIP. That said, it has been over a decade since I updated Loyalty's Price and that one has some intense worldbuilding that I would have to recall or rebuild from scratch, so uh, don't hold your breath for any updates soon.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I feel good about my ability to replicate character voice and to situate emotions in the body as physical sensations.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

My god, the amount of times characters speak hesitantly, as if their words are testing a fragile sheet of ice, or touch each other carefully, as if the other is wet paper that might tear, or a dozen other metaphors that my brain has just decided to go to constantly. You absolutely see this with published authors all the time so I don't feel bad about it, though, just amused at my dramatic-ass self.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Not something that's come up a lot for me, but I would treat it the same as using another language in original work--seek out a real human to proofread, offer something in exchange for their time.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

My first fic was a Star Trek: Nemesis fix-it fic written in a spiral notebook in high school.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

This changes all the time depending on what mood I'm in, but right now I quite like Chess.

Tagging @ktlsyrtis and @bonnissance if you're up for it!

#tag game #fanfiction #writing

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kcscribbler · 1 year ago

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3, 5 and 29 for the writer asks, please!

Ooh, fun! Thank you, anon!

Full Ask List Here

3. What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

However Improbable, my Star Trek TOS/ACD Sherlock Holmes crossover written for NaNoWriMo a loooooong time ago.

It was my very first TOS fic (why I chose to do a novel-length crossover as my initiation is anyone's guess), and to this day is still probably the most fun I've had writing anything. I'd like to think I balanced the characterization of both universes fairly well, but the reader is the judge.

Crossovers can be tricky, and they're not for everyone, but I had far too much fun with this one. I will always remember it fondly.

5. What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

At one point, I had a Star Trek TOS Alternate Universe series plotted out based on the OG Mission Impossible television show (from the same general time period as TOS, and as fabulous in its own way). The show actually featured Leonard Nimoy for two of the seasons, and it's generally delightful. Much more so than the big-budget films of the same franchise, in my humble opinion. 8/10, would recommend.

(Plot under the cut)

If I remember correctly, the AU started on the premise of Operation-Annihilate going badly wrong (an idea which later morphed into An Equitable Trade, FWIW), whereupon Jim Kirk was quietly discharged from Starfleet service in the ensuing scandal, and Spock basically said live long and fuck off with that and followed him. In this AU, the rest of the crew weren't originally aboard the Enterprise, and were picked up along the way through the ensuing ridiculous adventures across the galaxy, per typical MI format.

I actually had one 'episode' partially written a long time ago, before I got smart enough to back things up online, and lost it in a laptop crash. RIP my most ridiculous idea.

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

This was cut last month from one of my Whumptober fics, as I decided to go a couple different directions with the TOS movie era instead.

“What on earth are you doing.”

Seated on the couch with at least a dozen takeout containers of various shapes and sizes stacked in perfectly neat, consistently spaced rows on the coffee table, Spock raises an eyebrow at him. “It was indeed, on Earth. During our recent sojourn in the Terran past, you informed Dr. Taylor that I found Italian food to be pleasing.”

“…Yes? Is that why you ordered what looks like the entire vegetarian menu from Angelo’s?”

“I must have a full data set in order to confirm a valid hypothesis.”

“Of course.” He doesn’t even bother to hide a smile. “But your face tells me it hasn’t been confirmed.”

“Correct.” Spock looks mildly uneasy about this discrepancy, though he indicates the barely-touched cartons with what looks like resignation. “I admit to feeling a slight sense of disillusionment, in the matter. It would seem that either you were in error, or that my taste for such things has changed during the process of my refusion.”

Jim’s too tired to do this standing up, right now, so he clambers over a hilariously untidy stack of of cartons on the rug (clearly overflow from the table) in order to collapse on the couch as well, exhaling in a long breath of relief at being able to get off his feet for a few minutes.

“I mean, it’s certainly possible your tastes have changed, Spock. But I think it’s more likely that you just haven’t got the right dishes.”

“How precisely is one to know which are ‘right’.”

Jim turns his head, still resting on the back of the couch, and gestures at the pile of cartons. “You like Italian, typically pasta; but you dislike strong garlic flavor. Since garlic is pretty ubiquitous in Italian food, when we order in or go out, we typically ask them to make yours without much of it.”

“Ah.”

“Angelo’s has a pumpkin ravioli this time of year that you refuse to admit is your favorite, because favorites are illogical.”

“I did not see this option on the menu.”

“That’s because since it’s seasonal, it’s not on the carryout menu,” he replies. “You’ve complained more than once about having to call and actually talk to someone to order it, instead of using the automated system.”

“I did not recall that detail with any clarity,” Spock admits, looking more downcast than before.

He reaches over to put a steadying hand on Spock’s arm. “You’ve recalled nearly every detail that is important; we can deal with the rest. That’s what I’m here for,” he says quietly.

“I have taken enough advantage of your patience in the matter.”

“Incorrect. You’ve never taken advantage of me or anyone else, that I can recall. I’m not sure it’s even in your nature.”

“That appears to be a highly subjective assessment fueled by an emotional viewpoint.”

“Well, I am an emotional human. So that viewpoint is logical for me.” Seeing Spock’s clearly baffled expression, he hastens to add, “But from the Vulcan viewpoint: I do have all my memories, so I think my opinion should be trusted more than yours in the matter.”

Spock considers this for a moment, and then nods. “That is eminently logical.”

#star trek the original series #star trek tos #sherlock holmes #acd holmes #fanfic writing #ask box

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lunatih · 2 years ago

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i’m shy sorry for the anon

i like your art it’s very similar to mine. do you have any fan fiction recommendations for me??i’ve been getting into the breath of the wild fan fic’s recently but idk where to look i feel like you might know of some??? i also want to explore different fandoms so anything you’re reading right now? thank you, mwah x

Oh boy fanfic recommendations!

You've asked and you shall receive!

I haven’t read a lot for botw but I can recommend these:

The Curious Minds by AllTheGoodUserNamesAreTaken The story is amazing and I’m pretty much obsessed with it. It’s a BL (Link / OC), slow burn. It’s still in progress but Holly (all hail Holly!) updates it pretty regularly.

Another BL (this one is finished) and also Link/OC is Something Greater by busket. It has quite a bit of humor and is much more lighthearted than The Curious Minds. The OC is also pretty interesting.

If you are a Link/Mipha fan then there is A Fish out of Water by JamesYorke. It’s an old story, still unfinished but it’s very good.

If you want some other fics from different fandoms then below is The List. Divided into fandoms so you can decide what you want. (some of them are from fanfiction.net ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

Surprise surprise, most of it is BL xD

-- Naruto --

Doing the Work by MarbleGlove [ The mc is an adult female and not a ninja. Amazingly interesting for something that follows a housekeeper life]

The Medic-Nin's Guide to Casual Revolution by spideywhiteys [BL, male medic OC, haven’t read all of it but the gay panic at the beginning is funny]

Making Lemonade by Meeceisme [male OC is not a part of team 7, no parings for now, wip, very much not welcomed daddy Kakashi]

-- For Trash of the Count's Family --

[very good story btw, got a manhwa adaptation last year]

After-Thought by Mango_to_sleep [if you know this fandom and want to feel pain this is a story for you, no pairings]

Silver Lining by RUNA_HADES [female OC, wip, humor, the romance is slowly starting]

-- I Was a Teenage Exocolonist --

If you know this game I can recommend this little story. It’s cute af.

Like a Fairy Tale by MaetheEllen

-- SK8 the Infinity --

If you know this anime and like Langa and Reki then this fluff is just the fluffiest. It’s my comfort fic.

go and grab your sweater (the one that you like) by tiedbows [BL but nothing graphic, completed, seriously fluffy vibes]

-- Star Trek --

Atlas by distractedKat [BL, Spock/Kirk, completed] It's an amazing story, that will have you yell at the end ‘Ah that’s why he does it!’. I think it keeps both Spock and Kirk very much in a character and I highly recommend it

-- Miraculous Ladybug --

Obsession by Kryalla Orchid [completed, 3 parts + an extra!, everyone’s favourite fake love-square and an interesting take on the main villain]

-- Inuyasha --

All of these are Kagome / Sesshōmaru

Frivolous Sentimentalities by Tally Mark [humor, one-shot, a bit of Inuyasha bashing]

Beside You in Time by RosieB (oh so much not humor, slooow burn, dark and with a lot of incorporated history]

Unspoiled by forthright [cute humor, cute romance, also baby Sheshomaru]

-- Harry Potter --

The Chronic Hero Perspective by niklitera [BL] I’m in the middle of reading the first part and it.is.AH-mazing. The main character is an OC and a new professor in Harry’s third year. It touches a lot about growing as a person and about mental problems and it’s rather dark but very worth it

-- The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System --

Metagaming by esama [tagged as BL but nothing happened in the first two parts yet, humor, part 2 is already written and it’s just as good]

Qiong Ding's Littlest Shidi by Araceil [BL, between OC and Binghe. It’s tagged as Harry Potter crossover but I’ve seen nothing connecting it to HP and consider the mc as an OC instead of Harry’s reincarnation. It’s abandoned but the author posted a summary of the rest of the story at the end. I love it for the wonderful portrayal of YQQ and SQQ and the way it shows them actually explaining their past and making up. Also, it’s a FOUND FAMILY and I dig this shit]

If you know the Scum Villain then you also probably know Modao Zushi. Then I present you with:

-- Modao Zushi --

And Time Is But a Paper Moon by sami [BL, time travel, a lot of very diverse characters and load of family interaction, also very funny take on redoing the Water Abyss arc]

I’ve said that I have a lot of BLs , haven’t I? xD

Hope you will find something that you like here ^^

And send me your favourite fics - no matter the fandom. If you want to of course ;)

Anyway, thank you or the ask!

If you ever feel like sharing you art I’d love to see it ^^ No pressure though. Glad you like mine.

#lu got a message!#if this doesn't format well I'm going to cry

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texasdreamer01 · 1 year ago

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Fic Writer 20 Questions

Tagged by @spurious!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

239,131

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Oh that's a long list, let me check. So far 19, with a bit of overlap in the megafandoms (Star Wars and Tolkien), plus an original fandom. 20, if you count all the Stargate Atlantis fics I have that I'm currently pecking away at. It's… probably just easier to look at my AO3 at this point.

… No wait, 21, I forgot I used to write for Danny Phantom eons ago.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Psychopomp (Original Fiction, Space Australians micro-fandom, gen)

Twixt Primroses and Hawthorns (The Hobbit, Bagginshield - there's still a sequel in my drafts, somewhere, I promise!)

All we are, and all we have… (Star Wars: The Clone Wars, gen)

Ādfȳr (The Hobbit, gen)

Nice Manners for a Thief (The Hobbit, Bagginshield)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Mmmmmmmaybe? I try? It's a completely different type of effort than just writing fic and throwing it on the internet, which I usually don't have the energy for.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

.. Probably the one where I killed Bilbo, but I've reportedly made people cry on various other fics.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Stamp of Approval (Star Wars, gen) is the… fluffiest? Least angsty? I've been writing happy-ending fics more often, but it's not my wheelhouse to write strictly "happy" fics.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I used to? Some of it was laughable, honestly, if a little puzzling - I used to get someone that would just repeatedly comment on my short-form fics as "not a drabble". Don't think this person ever read those fics, but it was an interesting week.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

…. Yes. According to various reviewers, "hot" and "sweet" (depends on the fic).

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Not really? I'm currently writing an SGA/Kingsman crossover that I'm amusing myself with, but it's not got a deadline on it.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes. And I'm still mad about it!!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I've translated my own works (sometimes badly), mostly as practice, but never by anyone else, no.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

I've had a work co-posted with an artist's work that I prompted myself on? And on a separate occasion effectively whined into cowriting on a very large and popular work that has since been abandoned by backlash - I was a beta (originally, hah), but every once in a while I still get anons asking about it.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Hmmmmmm. I feel like my tastes generally change as I hop fandoms, so it really depends on the flavour of ship?

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Lol probably Kintsugi. It's effectively a time-travel not-quite rewrite of Sherlock (the Benedict Cumberbatch one) with supernatural horror elements that I've been on- and off-again poking at forrrr… almost ten years now! I have to now go look up contemporary technology and trends, it's been so long 😂

16. What are your writing strengths?

Reading rhythm, allusions, characterization (somehow), thematic elements.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Keeping track of the plot, the characters, and my point.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think it depends? I'm definitely in fandoms that have a heavy emphasis on other languages by dint of translation or conlang nerdiness (see: YGO, The Hobbit, Star Wars) or else have characters that know other languages as a default setting (Stargate, Star Trek, Sherlock, Kingsman), so it kind of comes with the territory to at least pick up some key phrases and if you're in deep enough, to learn how to make up new words (hello conlangs). I think it helps that I have a habit of not only using hover text as well as a glossary in the end notes for mobile users/whatnot, so as to not interrupt the reading flow, particularly for desktop readers.

For the curious about hover text HTML: < span title="translation here" >word here</ span > , but without spaces

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Danny Phantom, baaaack not quite when it was still airing. I think. It was probably still airing?

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

As pretty of compliments as I've accrued over the years, I still don't… quite… like my writing? Imo I'm only approaching "mediocre" or "average", so it's really only an appreciation for technical goals reached the more I write. If I enjoy things enough to re-read for the pleasure of it, that's good enough for me.

No pressure tags: @ygodmyy20, @pandora15, @harinezumiko, @thereisselfpreservation, @thejediandthemandalorian

#spurious #thanks for the tag!#long post #me trying to remember the writers I know lol

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galactic-pirates · 2 years ago

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2022: Fandom Year in Review

So this year was a ride due to moving. Let's see what I actually did :)

Fanfics written/posted: 4 Fanfics started: More than 4 haha Fandoms written in: 4 Number of fanfic words written: 134,636 Fanart completed: 2 Gifsets posted: 27

Most Popular Fic = Dancing on Broken Glass (with a whopping 44 more kudos than the next closest fic)

Most Popular Gifset = - How it started vs how it's going (Star Trek: Picard, Seven/Raffi) - 340 notes, 34 more than the next highest which was also Trek :)

Most Popular Fanart = Winter Advent 22 (Amanda Tapping, Stargate and Sanctuary mixed media) - 59 notes, so a 54 note difference

Links and rambling on everything under the cut :)

Intentions vs Result - I started the year intending to do 'fandom friday' (aka a gifset every friday) and I missed a couple of weeks around April and then I just quit completely and haven't made a gifset since May. I got tired, I got busy, I moved house and the year disappeared. I did get a fair few sets done though and I feel like I got a lot of my system (even if I still have ideas for sets on my list).

- Mid-April I declared my intention to quit fanfic and I said "my mission if I choose to accept it" was to spend the rest of the year writing every idea on my list. However, due to the aforementioned moving house I fell off the writing wagon completely thanks to the stress. Then once I had moved house that felt like a clean break and so I just decided to stop with the fanfic. I have WIPs on my HD but I had posted all my current fic, so it's not like I left anything exactly, but I am still sad. All those ideas that I love that will now never become reality.

- Art is my old nemesis. As always I wanted to do so much more but with the whole moving thing, I am probably lucky I did anything. I am intending to do a LOT more next year so cross fingers on that.

2022 Fanfic - Dancing on Broken Glass (2,266 words, Star Trek: Picard Seven/Raffi) aka the 'oh no' fic because oops I entered another fandom. I just reached this episode and I hit peak shipper level and just had to go for it. It wouldn't leave me alone. I have feelings about these two. Even though I haven't created much for them due to life, they live rent free in my head.

- Odyssey: Future's Legacy (84,274 words, Sanctuary/Warehouse 13 crossover) I have to be honest this was the fic that made me question what I was doing with my life. 84k - that's a novel. Now don't get me wrong I am a huge supporter of fanfic. It has kept me sane, it has kept me writing, it has given me so much. But I have dreams and sort of realised that I wouldn't get to the life I wanted to live writing fics like this - however much I genuinely enjoyed writing it. Crossovers are basically self-indulgent. I am my own reader and yeah it was fun :)

- We Belong to the Future (4,837 words, The Librarians) Written for prompt month. I intended to do so much more but this was middle of house buying, and I basically shutdown from the stress. This was the only fic/thing I did for prompt month this year. I am sad about that, especially because this fic is unbearably sad. I made myself cry. Clearly I was in a morose mood, I apologise.

- Time Will Tell (43,259 words, Sanctuary James/John/Helen) aka the Soulmate AU. I didn't know this would be my last fic with them, I have so many more ideas. Still I do like this one, I even indulged myself with an epilogue of the changed future. I do like my happy endings :)

2022 Fanart - Dancing in a Galaxy of their own Seven and Raffi, Star Trek: Picard. I guess this could be a companion to the fic I wrote as it's basically the same scene. I will be forever bitter that Seven and Raffi didn't dance at the gala in season two - so I made it happen in fic and in art. This is a digital drawing and it's terrible but it was driven by passion for the ship. I just had to make it exist. - Winter Advent 22 The Amanda Tapping discord server did a "12 days of Advent fan-mas" kind of thing and I signed up for the 21st. This was my entry. Total mixed media project. Done primarily with watercolour and regular coloured pencils but a few markers were thrown in here and there. I'm moving over to traditional art thanks to the whole depressing AI art thing. I've been trying to get better at drawing for years and now a computer comes along and does it 10x better than me and in an instant? Maybe with a pencil I will remain relevant for a little while longer - I hope. Anyway, it's not great but I tried.

2022 Gifsets 300 Notes Club - How it started vs how it's going (Star Trek: Picard, Seven/Raffi) 340 - You owe me a ship Picard (Star Trek: Picard, Seven & Picard) 306 200 Notes Club - I'm here, it's alright (Star Trek: Picard, Seven, Elnor & Raffi) 258 - AU in which HG Wells catches John instead of Helen (Sanctuary/Warehouse 13 crossover) 219

100 Notes Club - Have you ever been in love? (Warehouse 13, Bering and Wells exchange) 158 - Female Power, Helen Magnus (Sanctuary Appreciation Week, Day One) 150 - What is stronger than the human heart? (Sanctuary, Helen Magnus) 146 - Who tells your story? (Sanctuary, The Five) 102

50 Notes Club - The world should have protected you (Sanctuary, Helen Magnus) 71 - There are no happy endings (Sanctuary OT3) 68 - Can we keep our bearing straight? (Sanctuary, The Five) 66 - Abnormals (Sanctuary Appreciation Week, Day One) 62 - Let me die the moment my love dies (Sanctuary OT3) 62 - I'm sensing a pattern (Sanctuary OT3) 62 - The last time (Sanctuary OT3) 56 - Matching jackets (Sanctuary, John/Helen) 55 - Touch, OT3 (Sanctuary Appreciation Week, Day Two) 50

And the rest - That's my OT3 (Sanctuary OT3) 45 - The real favourite is all five (Sanctuary, Nikola Tesla) 43 - Universe fights (Sanctuary OT3) 42 - The family Magnus (Sanctuary Appreciation Week, Day Four) 41 - Have you ever been in love? (Sanctuary OT3) 39 - Good looks, Nikola Tesla (Sanctuary Appreciation Week, Day Three) 38 - Galaxies Collide (Sanctuary OT3) 31 - Monster, John Druitt (Sanctuary Appreciation Week, Day One) 27 - The ones you love the most (Sanctuary, John/Helen) 19 - Everyday Superhero (Sanctuary Appreciation Week, Day Seven) 18

#fandom year in review #fandom #sam rambles (a lot)

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beatrice-otter · 2 years ago

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Fic: A Grief Shared

startrekholidays just revealed! I wrote two fics, one assignment and one pinch hit. This fic, we matched on Guinan/Picard. I really thought hard about writing an AU of Time's Arrow where Picard ends up stuck in the past with Guinan instead of going back to the future/his present. So far, my first impulse for Guinan/Picard is very strongly towards writing episode related fic, far more than for other characters and pairings; I think it may be because there's so little Guinan fic that it feels like there are a lot of canon possibilities yet to be explored in a way that most characters and pairings really don't have. This is a short fic, but I'm pleased with it. Title: A Grief Shared Author: beatrice_otter Fandom: Star Trek TNG Pairing: Guinan/Jean-Luc Picard Length: 2363 words Written For: peasina in Star Trek Holidays 2022 Betaed by: sixbeforelunch Summary: During the episode Family, Guinan comes to visit Jean-Luc at the vineyard. At AO3. On Dreamwidth. On Pillowfort. Jean-Luc had been out wandering around the vineyard, soaking in the sun and indulging in a bit of nostalgia. That one cathartic mud fight with Robert hadn't cured all that was wrong with him, but that plus his decision to return to Enterprise and Starfleet had loosened up a bit of what had been locked tight within him. He could be more present in the moment than he had been, those first days home. There was still a good deal of work to do, putting himself back together from the ruin the Borg had left of his psyche; but he felt better up to it than he had before his leave.

Counselor Troi was right when she said that talking about it, instead of ignoring it, was an effective tool toward healing. Much as he would have preferred differently.

He didn't realize he'd missed lunch until his stomach started grumbling. He debated walking into the village to eat at a café, but the lure of Marie's cooking brought him back to the house. She'd probably set something aside for him; he wasn't used to eating family-style, but Marie seemed more relaxed about such things than his parents had been when he was a boy.

Much to his surprise, he found the kitchen already occupied. Robert was sitting at the table drinking wine with, of all people, Guinan.

"Hello," Jean-Luc said, coming in to join them. "You didn't tell me you were coming, Guinan, I would have been here to meet you."

"Your brother has been entertaining me with stories of your childhood," Guinan said, eyes twinkling. "I wouldn't have had that opportunity if I'd called ahead."

"Jean-Luc, why haven't you married this charming young woman, yet?" Robert asked. "She's apparently been willing to put up with you for many years already, and there can't be that many women of sense and taste willing to do that, even in the wider galaxy."

Jean-Luc paused, wondering which—if any—of the misconceptions to address. Guinan was no help, drat her, all she did was sit there and smirk at him. "I rather think if Guinan wanted to marry me, she would have said something," he said. "She's had enough experience with the institution—how many spouses have you had?"

"Twenty-three," Guinan said.

Robert raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

"When we first met," Jean-Luc said, sitting down with them and pouring himself a glass of wine, "I was a callow young lieutenant. Guinan looked very much as she does now."

"So I should have been asking you for stories about my brother's misspent youth, rather than the reverse," Robert said. He looked like he desperately wanted to ask how old she was, or possibly what species, but couldn't bring himself to be that rude.

"I like listening to people tell their stories," Guinan said. "And yours are ones I couldn't get from anyone else."

"Then I am happy to have been of service, madame," Robert said with a nod of his head and a lopsided smile.

Jean-Luc realized with horror that Robert was pulling out his charm. As boys, Robert had always been more popular with girls; he had a sort of gruff, chivalric charisma to him that Jean-Luc, gawky and younger, had always envied. To see it directed at Guinan, of all people! But Guinan, of all people, knew how to handle herself, and happily-married Robert was probably doing it just to see if he could get a rise out of him.

"I'm happy to see you, of course," Jean-Luc said, "but is there anything in particular you're here for?"

"You once promised me a tour of the vineyard," Guinan said.

Jean-Luc vaguely remembered something along those lines, but it had been years, before he'd taken command of the Enterprise.

"Him, give a tour of the vineyard?" Robert said. "Bah! Hasn't stepped foot on it in over thirty years before this month, and hasn't worked it for what, forty-five? Now, if you want a tour, I'd be happy to oblige, in return for a few stories of what he's been up to in all the years he's been gone."

"That sounds like a fair exchange to me," Guinan said. "Will you join us, Jean-Luc?"

And what could he say to that but "Of course."

…

Robert certainly pulled out all the stops to show the vineyard—and himself—in the best light, paying charming attention to Guinan the whole time and listening appreciatively to every story she told. Guinan, for her part, was happy to play along, sharing stories that made Robert cackle with glee at his younger brother's foolishness. Nothing too sensitive or personal, but still things he knew Robert would certainly use to needle him for the remainder of his stay.

"You've been quiet, Jean-Luc," Robert said as they headed back to the house. "Don't like to hear yourself the butt of the joke? Don't like to hear your girlfriend make light of you?"

"Guinan's a much better storyteller than I am," Jean-Luc said. "And you know far more about the vineyard's operations than I do, as you yourself pointed out. I didn't have much to add." She also wasn't his girlfriend; the word was too simple and unimportant to describe all the things that Guinan was to him.

The banter might have gone on for longer, but there was a party in the village that night—for what, Jean-Luc was not entirely clear—and Robert had to go dress for it.

"Do you want to go?" Jean-Luc asked Guinan. He hadn't been planning on it himself, but perhaps Guinan might find it interesting.

"Not particularly," Guinan said.

"There's no replicator in the house, and I'm afraid I'm not much of a cook," Jean-Luc said. "But I believe there may be leftovers, and if nothing else there will be salad makings and bread and cheese and wine."

"I think we'll manage," Guinan said.

…

Once Robert and Marie and René had left, Jean-Luc prepared a charcuterie board and he and Guinan settled themselves out on the patio to enjoy the evening.

"You sound better than you did before you left to go on leave," Guinan said. "France must agree with you."

"It does," Jean-Luc said, "but so does serving in Starfleet."

"I've always thought so," Guinan said.

Something about the way she said it—"Did you know I was considering retiring from Starfleet?" Jean-Luc asked, surprised.

"I knew you weren't comfortable in your own skin," Guinan said, "and you were restless."

"Is that why you came to visit me here?" Jean-Luc said. "Out of all the places you could go to in this solar system?"

Guinan shrugged. "I've been all over this system, in more than one era. I've almost certainly spent more time here than you have, all things considered."

"Really?" Jean-Luc asked. Guinan liked to listen, but she rarely talked about her past, and Jean-Luc had always wondered about the things she didn't say.

"Really," Guinan said. "But I've never been to France, actually."

"Then perhaps we should take the next few days to so that I can show you the sights, such as they are," Jean-Luc said.

"If you like," Guinan said. "I'm more interested in you than in the countryside. And in your brother—from what little you've said of him, I expected someone more hostile."

"Yes, well, we actually worked through a bit of that," Jean-Luc said. "We lived together as boys, of course, but looking back I'm not sure how well we actually knew each other, as opposed to seeing the other one as competition and everything that we were not. We've both grown a great deal, and yet I found when I arrived that he brought out exactly the same feelings as he always had, and was just as obnoxious as ever. It was almost like time travel. It was infuriating—and yet it was curiously comfortable, after everything that happened recently."

"I can see that might be the case," Guinan said.

"It couldn't last, though," Jean-Luc said. "Eventually, he poked too hard at the wrong thing, and I took a swing at him. We ended up brawling in a mud puddle just as we had as boys." He reached out to the charcuterie board, and took great care selecting a piece of sausage, and some cheese to go with it. "Except instead of our father coming out with a hose to break us apart, I started to cry. He'd been talking a lot of rot about me being a hero, and after everything—I told him what the Borg did to me."

He took a bite of his sausage, and chewed it slowly. He could feel Guinan's attention on him.

"You never told me about that," Guinan said. "I know what happened, of course. But you never came to talk with me about it."

He looked up at her in surprise. "I couldn't—you, of all people. You lost your home and your people to them. I suffered at their hands, but Earth is still here. Starfleet—even my ship is still here. You lost so much more than I did, and the battle had to have stirred up old wounds for you. I didn't want to add to your burden."

"It did," Guinan said. "But pain isn't a game with a high score and winners and losers. You can't compare degrees of suffering and come to any good result. I've had a lot of time to heal, and you haven't. From another angle of view, I lost my home but I never had their voice in my brain, never lost myself to them as you did. My home was invaded, but my body and mind remained my own. So who suffered more at their hands? It's not a question with a real answer."

She leaned forward. "But think about it this way. If our positions were reversed—if Earth was destroyed by the Borg, and then later they attacked my homeworld, and I was assimilated but rescued and restored to myself—if that happened, would you want to comfort me?"

"Of course," Jean-Luc said. He reached out and took her hand. "I should have thought—I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted," Guinan said. "You don't have to talk to me, of course. And it doesn't have to be tonight. But if you want to," she shrugged, "I'm listening."

Jean-Luc looked down. "If it were up to me, I would never speak of it," he said. "Or at least, nothing more than what needed to be reported to Starfleet. But Counselor Troi was right when she said talking about it would help. It has. Speaking about it is so terrible, but then afterwards I feel like the monster in my imagination is a little less present. It will never fully go away, of course, but…."

Guinan squeezed his hand. In a low voice, he told her what it had been like. What it had felt like. There were moments when she flinched, a little, but her attention was unwavering, and filled with warmth.

Evening turned to night while he talked, and by the time he was finished the stars were out. They took the remains of their meal in with them, and sat on the couch in the living room in a companionable silence.

"Thank you for telling me," Guinan said at last. "I've imagined a lot of things, over the years. It's better to know for sure, I think."

"Did you have any close family or friends who were assimilated?" Jean-Luc asked.

"Two of my children were confirmed assimilated," Guinan said. "Others … I'll never know. By the time we knew to evacuate the planet, the Borg were in position to intercept fleeing ships. I survived because I was on the fringes of El Aurian space. They might have been assimilated. Or they might have died fighting. I hope they died."

Given El Aurian lifespans, they would spend centuries as drones, Jean-Luc realized with horror. They might well have been part of the force sent to assimilate Earth. He shivered at the notion. "I'm sorry," he said.

"Thank you," Guinan said.

Jean-Luc took her hand again. They could both take comfort in touch, tonight.

"Were you planning to beam back to the ship, tonight?" Jean-Luc asked. They could both do with something lighter to think about.

"Hadn't decided yet," Guinan said.

"There's more than one guest room," Jean-Luc said. "And from how Robert was flirting with you earlier, I can't imagine he'd mind having you stay, and Marie likes company. Or you could stay in my room—though I warn you, Robert will make jokes." His relationship with Guinan had gone through many phases, and it would not be the first time they'd shared a bed, sometimes sexual, sometimes not. They hadn't slept together in any sense since Guinan had come on board Enterprise, but that didn't matter.

"I don't think I want to be alone, tonight," Guinan said thoughtfully.

"Neither do I," Jean-Luc said. "Though I warn you, I am very prone to nightmares, just now."

"So am I," Guinan said.

…

The next morning, Robert smirked at both of them as he asked Guinan if coffee and a croissant would be sufficient for breakfast, or if she'd like eggs to go along with them.

"Coffee and a croissant is fine," Guinan said blandly.

Robert opened his mouth to say something, but shut it again and shifted as if Marie had kicked him under the table. Marie didn't look up from the PADD she was reading.

"Are you and my uncle going to get married and settle down?" René asked, through a mouthful of his own croissant. "Papa was saying you should."

"One of the things your uncle and I share is that neither one of us is much interested in settling down," Guinan said. "We both have wandering feet."

"Oh," René said. "Have you been on many adventures together?"

"We have," Jean-Luc said.

"Guinan has some wonderful stories about them, I'm sure she'd love to tell you one," Robert put in. Jean-Luc shot him a brief glare; no doubt Robert was hoping for more things to tease him about.

"Would you?" René said eagerly.

"Of course," Guinan said.

#dreamwidth #original post #star trek #star trek the next generation #The Next Generation #guinan #Jean-Luc Picard #fanfiction #fanfic

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purlturtle · 2 years ago

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🌿 and 💝 and 🤍 and hey 🍭 for good measure :) (fic writer asks)

Thank you so much! Four at once; I love it!! (If anyone else wants to ask me stuff, here's the rest of the questions!)

Alright, so let's get started (this has gotten LONG, so I'm gonna put it under a readmore):

🌿how does creating make you feel?

Oh gosh. It is tremendous fun, to imagine stories, to play with my characters, to pick (and discard and pick and discard and pick) words and phrases and plot points etc. etc.

It is also a very welcome escape from reality, into a world that I fully control. That is immeasurably valuable! I keep saying that writing keeps me sane, and this is why!

And lastly, both the anticipation of what the readers will think, and the actual eventual feedback, are such a great source of happiness!

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

Hah! So, one thing about me is that I don't really look or care about, like, trends or stuff like that. So when, long after publishing them all, I looked at the stats of my fics and found that the kid-fic had the most interactions, by a mile, in almost every metric, I was completely surprised. People just love it much more than any of my others, and I never would have thought!

🤍what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?

Honestly, I have no idea. I don't think I've ever gotten a comment on any of my fics that made it clear that the reader both (a) engaged honestly with it and (b) didn't get the intention/story/whatever.

🍭why did you start writing?

Heeeeee *big beaming smile* I can answer that one very clearly and boy, is it a story in itself.

So in 2011, in one fell swoop, I lost both my job and my relationship (as in, she dumped me), and with the latter, the place where we lived together, too. Big whoop. It was honestly one of the lowest points of my life.

One thing that sustained me as I tried to find a new job and a new apartment (and told my parents that HELL no I wasn't gonna move back in with them), was a fervent and feverish rewatch of Star Trek Voyager. I'd been in high school when it started airing, and somehow I never really got into it then, although I do still remember watching the pilot together with friends. Now, I really buckled down and watched the whole entire thing - and developed SUCH a crush on Kathryn Janeway.

It was pure escapism - I imagined myself, social worker (aka one form of mental health professional), on Voyager because CLEARLY they needed someone like that, and why not me? In the beginning, those were only daydreams and in-bed-before-you-sleep imaginations. And then I grabbed the novel Mosaic (basically Janeway's unofficial biography, written by one of VOY's EPs) - and oh boy. It was so AWFUL to read that I thought, hey, she got PAID for this?! I can write better than that?

And so I did.

I wrote a whole entire EPIC about Kathryn meeting this social worker in Cologne Germany (courtesy of Q shenanigans) and their adventures together; over 350K words in total, IIRC (starting here, if anyone is interested). It is a happy, hopefully not too contrived self-insert (I was over 30 at that point, after all, and moderately self-reflected) that gave me life while I wrote it - AND!

I met my wife through it.

She liked the story, started commenting, and reading my other stories, and at some point she found my solicitation for a beta reader (I'm not a native speaker of English, and I wanted someone to look over my stories and catch any weird or plain wrong usages of English). And she contacted me. And the rest, as they say, is history or: Reader, I married her.

THANK YOU for your questions, Sam! What a trip down memory lane that last one was; I hope you don't mind!

#ask meme #asks answered #storytime with Jana! 🤣

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yesimwriting · 4 years ago

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All The Good Dreams

A/n this one is based on a request from @ateliefloresdaprimavera who requested a fic where General Kirigan has been dreaming of the reader for as long as he can remember and that’s one of his few reasons to smile and the reader has been having the same kinds of dreams about him and when they meet they just know.

This one is being written in third person bc it’s the only way I can see this fic being done but I’m a little insecure about writing in third person so be gentle lol

Also a little personal update I’ve been working on my original novel and it’s coming together y’all!!

ALEKSANDER.

The morning sunlight seems to only come to take her from him, peaking through the curtains and stirring him awake and away from his dreams. Aleksander keeps his eyes closed for a moment longer, trying to will her features to remain in his mind. She had looked more angelic in last night’s dream, dressed in all white and watching him with an adoration he doubted real life could duplicate.

The girl has haunted his dreams like a ghost of promise since before he began to change the world. Since before anything in his life was solidified. He lets out a sigh, something similar to a smile playing at his lips. Thinking of her would not bring her to him, if he could manifest her, she’d be by his side right now. He has things to do, duties and obligations that will bring his final goal closer. Each day is a step closer to victory, and each night brings the promise of dreams. The promise of her.

Y/N.

“Y/n.” The voice is gentle and distant. “Y/n,” a little harsher. “Wake up, you’ll be late.”

Fighting against grogginess, y/n wakes up, eyes squinting open. “What time is it, Danna?”

“Late.” Danna’s reply is curt as she steps away from y/n’s cot. “I thought you were awake already and then I came in to look for my boots and you were still asleep with that ridiculously peaceful look.” Danna paces around the room. “You must have been dreaming of your prince again?”

Y/n feels her skin warm. “He’s not a prince!” It’s a weak defense. “I regret telling you that almost every time I dream I see the same man.”

Danna drops down, grabbing her worn boots and pulling them on quickly. “You’re making me believe in soulmates, l/n.”

Y/n rolls her eyes, sitting up and placing her feet on the ground at her own leisure. “It’s nothing like that--I’m not even sure he exists.”

Lacing her shoes, Danna narrows her eyes at y/n. “Sure.” Y/n opens her mouth to protest, but Danna beats her to it, “If you need to argue with me, do it while getting dressed, we can’t be late today--General Kirigan’s visiting this camp for the first time and I doubt he’d appreciate being interrupted by a non-Grisha medic.”

At that, y/n wrinkles her nose, but she stands anyway. “Ugh...Grisha.” She walks towards her uniform. “They can get away with anything and I hear Kirigan’s the worst of all of them because he’s in the same order as the Black Heretic that began all of this.” Y/n pauses, crossing her arms. “And it’s ridiculous that the army even needs non-Grisha medics. Healers exist and they should not be primarily reserved for other Grisha who rarely get injured, especially to the extent that the rest of us do.”

“I know, y/n, but don’t speak like that until the General is gone.” Danna draws her lips into a thin line. “And hurry up before you get us both in trouble.”

Y/n lets out a sigh. “Go ahead without me, I’ll catch up.”

Danna eyes her friend wearily. “Alright, worse comes to worse I’ll try to cover for you.”

“You won’t need to.” Y/n isn’t sure she believes herself. “I’ll be there.”

Danna pulls on her second boot, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t really believe you.” She stands easily. “But knowing you, you’ll talk yourself out of any trouble the way you always do.”

“I do not always talk myself out of trouble.”

Turning to leave, Danna pauses, “Whatever you need to tell yourself.”

Y/n rolls her eyes. If she had more time to argue with Danna she would take it. But she doesn’t. She’s quick to get dressed, thoughts of the mysterious stranger from her dreams keeping her company. Last night he seemed more tired than normal, a crease between his dark eyebrows as he sat by her side. A part of her she keeps buried worries about him. It’s ridiculous, to concern yourself over a figment of comfort your mind created for you.

By the time y/n’s changed, she knows she doesn’t have much time to get to her station. She’s rushing out of her tent, one boot still untied. The medic bag she slings over her shoulder swings as she jogs towards the medical tent. Today the camp is hectic, everyone desiring to appear efficient and reliable for General Kirigan. It’s all ridiculous to Y/n. General Kirigan will never be impressed by them. If he’s revered even among Grisha, Y/n can’t imagine the superiority complex that man must possess.

Her eyes scan the soldiers and workers she knows so well, each of them behaving so differently than normal. There is no friendly chatter this morning, no casual banter. There is only the business of war.

Y/n watches the people she knows, so focused on their nerves that she barely registers the person she crashes into. “Sorry!” The apology leaves Y/n on instinct. Her bag falls off her shoulder, gauze and antiseptic falling onto the ground on impact. Y/n bends down instantly, beginning to pick up her supplies. She mentally curses herself for being so easily distracted and not properly shutting her bag this morning. “Everything’s so hectic today and I was running late and I just--I have no idea how I didn’t see you.” She drops her supplies back into her bag. “I guess it’s a good thing they keep me off the battlefield and in the medical tents.”

Reaching for the last of her supplies, Y/n’s eyes land on the shoes of the person she just crashed into. They’re leather. The fine kind of leather meant for marble halls, not trekking through the unknown. Y/n’s mouth goes dry as the possibility of the graveness of her mistake sets in her mind. She exhales slowly, daring to look upwards as she closes her bag.

When her eyes meet those of the stranger, she is left with no choice but to gape. She’s not staring because she’s now at the mercy of General Kirigan. She’s not staring because nothing could have prepared her for his beauty. She’s staring because she knows that face. She knows those sharp features and steady eyes.

His lips are slightly parted. Y/n is struck with the odd thought that perhaps he too has words wedged into his throat.

“It’s you.” The whisper leaves her faintly.

The words seem to unfreeze Kirigan, his expression moving from shocked to stoic. “Excuse me?”

Awkward regret floods through Y/n. She drops her head downwards, desperate to escape the power of his gaze. “General Kirigan.” She uses her words as a way to dismiss the emotions her chest seems to be brimming with as she stands. He’s not the man from her dreams. That’s impossible. “I apologize for my inappropriate behavior an--”

“No, no,” he shakes his head once. Y/n bites her tongue at his dismissal. “You said ‘it’s you.’”

Embarrassment knots her stomach. “I just hadn’t realized that I ran into you, General. I--I knew you were coming today, but I wasn’t expecting to see you much less like this.”

Kirigan’s eyes seem to be nothing more than inviting pools of kindling emotion. So familiar yet so distinct. He can’t be the man from her dreams. The man from her dreams must be nothing more than a composition of traits she finds generally attractive. General Kirigan just happens to possess those features. That explanation is the only thing that keeps Y/n’s feet rooted to the ground, but the longer she looks at him the more that explanation loses its strength. There’s just something so knowing behind his expression, so specific to the face that she’s only seen while asleep.

Tearing his gaze away to scan the area, Kirigan reaches forward, placing a hand on Y/n’s arm. The touch leaves Y/n warmer than it should. Maybe that’s why she lets him lead her forward, ducking into an empty medical tent. She keeps hold of her bag as he turns, his eyes full of something dark and unknown. But not angry, Y/n notes, no, not angry. The look is too peaceful for rage, perhaps even hopeful.

“When you looked at me…” He exhales, voice low and sacred, “You said ‘it’s you’.” Y/n can only blink, still mesmerized by something so foreign and familiar all at once. “Do you know me?”

In his urgency, Kirigan’s hold on Y/n’s arm becomes more assured. Something in Y/n wants to pry herself free in order to prove to herself that she’s capable of resisting his drawl. But his touch is not to trap her, the look in his eyes tells her that. His touch is pleading--desperate and hopeful.

“Everyone knows you,” when Y/n finally finds her voice, she is not convinced it is her own.

The corners of Kirigan’s mouth fall downwards, something in him threatening to deflate. “I meant--have you seen me before?” The question is not one Y/n is too willing to answer. How could she tell this strange man, this general she was convinced she’d dislike on some fundamental level while never speaking to him, that she knows him? She knows him like she knows her own beginning. “Because I’ve seen you.”

Y/n can’t help the way her eyes widen. This doesn’t mean anything, she warns herself, he could have seen her walking. “I didn’t see you, that--that’s why I ran into you--”

“No, you’re avoiding the question.” Her face is warmer than it was when Danna was teasing her this morning. It’s warmer than it’s ever been. “Because you’ve experienced it as well.”

The swelling in her chest is overwhelming. “Experienced what?”

Kirigan eyes the entrance to the tent once more, confirming that no one is approaching. “All of the good dreams,” he exhales, “They have been of you.”

Y/n can’t help the way everything in her melts. She’s not insane. She’s not projecting something dangerous onto the Shadow Summoner. “I see you in my dreams always.”

Slowly, he releases his grip on her arm. Watching her like she might be a mirage, Kirigan raises his hand, brushing his knuckles along Y/n’s cheek. She lets him, holding her breath until his hand falls back to his side. A part of Kirigan expected the girl to be a trick of the light, something that his touch would reveal to be a fallacy. But she remains true, watching him with eyes the size of saucers.

“How long I’ve been waiting for you, you’ll never know.” His voice is as heavy as a lament.

Y/n feels her back straighten slightly on instinct, desperate to pass whatever scrutiny is being passed over her. “How--how does this happen? How do two strangers dream of each other for so long and...”

Something knowing colors his smile a shade of ambitious green. “What is your name?”

“Y/n.”

Kirigan’s minds flit through lifetimes worth of faint memories. The girl laughing, the girl teary eyed, the girl embodying all the stars he’ll never have, the girl representing all he needs. Y/n. There’s finally a name to her.

“Y/n,” the name is a gift. Kirigan pulls a ring from his fingers before grabbing Y/n’s arm. Too lost in a strange euphoria, she lets him pull her arm forward before pressing his ring into her skin. Her brow furrows as he begins to guide the metal down her skin. That slight confusion quickly turns to total shock as a thread of light begins to spindle down her skin, following the path he’s creating with the ring. “You and I are going to change the world.”

General Taglist: @theincredibledeadlyviper @grishaverse7 @lonelystarship @mentally-in-northern-italy @uhanddreag @kaitlyn2907

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langernameohnebedeutung · 2 years ago

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I've seen several fanfic authors (who have clearly stated that English is not their first language even though they are writing at a native speaker level) say that's it's easier to write in English and it would be weird for them to write fanfic in their first language. Do you experience this?

Ohh, that's an interesting question!

Personally I do feel it...to a degree? Which might seem strange because I used to write my fics in German and I do write original stuff in German. And in a way, I think it's sad because I know there is a lot of brillant L1-fics out there, that get hardly any recognition because of this bias against non-English content even among people who could read it.

I think it both has to do with reading habits but also simply with the way fandoms work - especially in the days of streaming and of parallel publications/opening dates.

The thing is, everything is to a degree a 'skill' and you have to learn it. The simplest explanation are probably people who simply first entered English-speaking fandom spaces (even if their first language is a different one) and then started writing. If they're fluent, they're usually going to write in English because the source material is very likely to be in English, it's probably also the language they've already read fic in, and most of their audience is going to be international. So they're used to that. And like most things, writing, writing fanfiction, writing for a certain fandom - it's all practice. You build up a certain skill set. When I started writing in English, I had to acquire an entirely new skill set. I had to learn that certain things that sounded good in German don't sound nearly good in English. I had to learn how to use entirely different registers. I had to learn connotations that things have to an English-speaking audience that they might not have to a German speaking audience - or vice-versa. So if you wrote in English before you wrote in your L1 - or specifically wrote fanfiction in English - it's only normal that writing in your first language might feel weird at first. That's the language you use to run crying to your Mom in to tell her that your brother threw your Nintendo DS into the toilet again - not to describe Dean and Castiel having nasty sex.

Another personal theory of mine would be that fics written in someone's first language kind of live at an unfortunate junction between - A) English being The Internet/Fandom Language(TM) - so there simply are a lot more fics in English and a lot of people who read fic in English - and B) once you're - for example - looking for fic on ao3 or fanfiction.net (which obviously has a lot more content due to being international), you kind of fall out of touch with fanfiction sites in your first language. Because there is so much more there.

Also, with English being the international language, a lot of the works that an international audience can agree on - the big franchises people produce content for - are in English. I'd argue it's slowly becoming a little more international these days, but for a long time it's all been English works: Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, X Files, Star Wars, Superwholock etc. (The biggest exception being Manga and Anime - but even that is mostly perceived through an English lense, because very few people can speak or write in Japanese) - This kind of puts you into the position of deciding whether to A) write in English even if it's not your first language - or B) write in your first language, even if the source material isn't in that language.

Back when I was writing in German, I was still mostly watching shows and films on television (where they were all dubbed). So I was more familiar with the German voice-actors, their speech patterns etc. than the original voices and I was invoking the dub when I was writing. Which meant it felt less like transferring the material from English to German - but it was 'all' German.

For me, the German version 'was' the original, even if I intellectually knew that it wasn't. Actually, sometimes hearing the original voices of the characters sounded weird. (I remember posting a video from House earlier this year and people who watched it when it was on television commented stuff like: "Wait this is Hugh Laurie's real voice?? This sounds so wrong!") Or reading the original English version of a book that I was familiar with in German felt like...touching something familiar through a distorting veil. It wasn't right. (Imagine if someone took your favourite poem and shuffled all the vowels around - you still know what it says, you receive the same level of information. But it feels wrong, you don't get the same level of enjoyment, and every once in a while a horrible misunderstanding happens and your favourite quote sounds like you ordered it from Wish). So back at that time, it wouldn't even have occurred to me to write in English, even if I could.

And then- the first time I did venture into trying to write in English (it was baaaaadddddd), I must have been 15 and I was really into Sweeney Todd at the time.

Now, the fun part here is - Sweeney Todd is a musical. Obviously. And most of the songs aren't dubbed, just the speaking parts were. And it annoyed me to no end to have the characters 'switch voices' whenever a song started. So I'd I usually just watch Sweeney Todd all the way in English. That's why, for the first time, I was actually more familiar with the English voices than I was with the German voices. And while it wasn't a conscious leap from A: "I'm more familiar with these characters English voices" to B: "Writing them in English would therefore feel more authentic" - I don't think it was a coincidence that it was at that time that I started writing in English. And much in the same way, I found it hard to read German fanfiction for Sweeney Todd.

There was also this problem back in the (pre-streaming) day, that dubs usually take time to make. So if you wanted to see the newest content for the franchises you liked, you either had to watch everything online in English - or you had to wait at least a year for the TV release (and, if you wanted to write about it, either record it or have a really good memory) or wait even longer for the DVD release. So sooner or later, I was just sucked into the orbit of watching most things in English on some wonky streams. Because at this point, I was reading English fics already - and once you're reading in English (where you see all these new fics for content you couldn't enjoy yet) - you're extra-motivated to get content as quickly as possible. And in turn, you lose interest in the fics written in your first language, because they're all one year behind you.

So the outcome was that I became familiar with the English voices and speaking patterns and jokes etc of these characters - many of which are very different or are translated differently into a dub (making it harder to write for the dub. So you have to either wait another year to see what they make of it or you wing it). In fact, I stopped watching the dubs altogether because it sounded like some random person speaking over the character. So writing a fanfic in German language became a bit of an obstacle course: Try to be as literal as possible? Try to stick to your own dub (and possibly ignore lines you really enjoyed/'endorse' a bad translation?)

A great example would be du/Sie discourse, which happens in a lot of fandoms:

In the good old Johnlock days, there was a lot of discourse among the German side of the fandom, because in German, we obviously have two ways of saying "you" - the informal "du" and the formal "Sie". And in the German dub, Sherlock and John use "Sie" for a whole long time beyond what people thought was reasonable.

So if someone wanted to write a fic where they're fucking halfway into A Study in Pink they were in an awkward position. The writer would either have to use "Sie" for two guy way past the 'du'-treshold - or they had to go against the 'dub' and use 'du' and potentially alienate some reader who was still on the 'Sie' and thought 'du' would sound to casual for their own fanon characterisation. Many small changes like that kind of...create a rift in a fandom. A rift that you don't have if you write in English.

Basically, there is a lot of stuff that makes writing in your own language like...a translation of a work that does not exist, in a way.

Another problem is this: Realistically, you get a bigger audience when you produce content in English. Simply, there are more readers. Which means more hits, more comments, more interaction - so the motivation is bigger (which means they're going to put more effort into practice time into writing in English - especially if fanfiction is the only writing they do.)

So I feel like at some point, most people who are good in English kind of...migrate to English content and it alienates them from content and fandom culture in their first language.

This also means that there is an age difference btw.

If you learn English at let's say... age 11 or whenever, it takes then a few years more before you're fluent enough to read and write in the language. So if you're writing and posting fanfiction in your L1 already, it still takes at least a few more years until you can start writing it in English. And then you have to build up the confidence to actually post it. So if half of the older fans on your site wander over to ao3 or tumblr or fanfiction.net - that means that younger writers are very strongly represented on the websites in your first language.

Now, before anyone says anything: I know a lot of young people who write very good stuff in no matter what language. And I've seen brilliant fics by people who are in their 30s and 40s and who write in their L1. But...matter of fact is, a very common demographic to write in the L1 tend to be very young writers - some as young as 12 or 13. (And for the record, I love young writers and I'm happy that they're making content) - but as you can imagine, their style and interests often don't align with what older fans enjoy. So the fan who is fluent enough in English and started to set out into international fandom waters and writes in it - might actually feel further alienated by the kind of content they get in their 'home-circles' v what they find on much bigger international platforms. Because finding fics that match your interest is easier on a platform with a million fanworks than it is on a platform with a few thousands.

Now, I can't speak for everyone, but I do generally think that there is a sentiment that I'm...also vaguely guilty of. Think of the way many people look at Wattpad in the English-circles of fandom. Think of the "pack your bags, we sold you to One Direction" kind of meme - if that's the kind of content you associate with the platform you come from - then you're less likely to engage with that website at all, once you have ao3 or fanfiction.net as your second option where you will find a bunch of fics perfectly tailored to your interest. In fact (and I will get back to this later), even if you look for content in your L1, you might find something on those platforms - so you're probably not going to wade back to whatever site you came from to look at 3 fics posted in the last ten months, none of which interest you or live up to your expectations. (And yes, you will also find your fair share of things on international websites that you...don't connect with at all. But objectively, the sheer abundance of content that does interest you balances that out much better. So the gulf between English-language fandom and L1-fandom...deepens.)

I kind of want to show you something interesting. By which I mean I find it interesting.

First of, I actually went on fanfiktion.de, bc it is the biggest non-English fanfiction website I'm really familiar with. And I looked specifically at the TV-show section.

What I noticed is that the most popular franchises fall into at least one of the following categories:

German shows (Alles was zählt, Unter Uns, Tatort (I'll get back to this one), Notruf Hafenkante (?), Alarm für Cobra 11, GZSZ, K11, etc.)

Shows from the pre-streaming or early-streaming days (Star Trek, Buffy, House, Supernatural, Stargate, Castle, Hawaii Five O, the Mentalist)

Shows for younger audiences (Victorious, Glee, Teen Wolf)

Now, obviously the reason that older stuff has more fics than newer stuff is at least partly owed to the fact that it is older, that people therefore have been writing for it for a longer time and that fanfiktion.de is from the early 2000s and ao3, if we were to compare the relative popularities of franchises that exist on both platforms, is newer.

But on the other hand, we have to consider that fandom culture experienced a rapid boom in the last ten years. It stopped being niche. People now casually joke about fanfiction when ten years ago, you barely met people outside fandom circles who even knew what fanfiction is, much less read it or wrote it. And especially Germany (which is a bit...conservative in regards to anything enthusiastic, let's put it like that)...there has been a lot of development over the last ten years, which I guess has a lot to do with the international 'synchronisation' of fandom - for example through streaming and the increasing popularity of parallel release dates around the globe. Also fanfiction is kind of a social medium and we live in the social media age. So you would expect this growth in popularity to give writing in your native language a bit of a boost, because...let's be honest, writing in your L1 is easier and not everyone is fluent in English or confident enough for this - or even to enter English-speaking fandom spaces in general.

Instead, looking at some stuff that is popular among these days, instantly available in the original language and you get...this:

Six fics for Bridgerton. Which...barely seems to align with the tons of content I passively see every time something bridgyton-y is going on on Netflix.

This is Bridgerton on ao3:

Over 4000. So...if you have the choice...you're probably going to write in English to get any interaction whatsoever.

Let's take a look at an older popular franchise with an English source material: Sherlock. Sherlock is among those franchises that is fairly popular on fanfiktion.de. And this is what this means:

You find about 4300 fics for Sherlock on fanfiktion.de

Now, this is how many you find on fanfiction.net for Sherlock:

51.900, if you only count English fics. That's more than 10 times as much.

And this is how many (just English!) you find on ao3:

(nice number) - This is almost 30 times as you find on fanfiktion.de and twice as much as you find on fanfiction.net. Again, English is the more "profitable" language to write in.

But also: Not only do you have an easier time finding something relevant to your interests on the first and the second platform - you are more likely to find readers on the English-platforms who find your writing relevant to your interests. You're simply going to get more engagement -

Let's say you get 5 reviews for your fic on fanfiktion.de. Assuming the ratio to readers and writers is proportional (which I imagine it would not be, because on the international platforms you will have more 'lurkers' who feel confident enough to read and even review in English but not to write fics) - you'd still get 50 reviews on .net to match your 5 on .de - and 150 on ao3. This, again, provides a motivation to write in English that you don't get in German - which means you're more familiar with writing in English and spend more time doing it - meaning that it becomes more strange and awkward to write fic in your first language and how to juggle all the language questions, dub questions etc.

And let's keep in mind: German is still a really big language that over a 100 million people have as a first language and many more can speak. If your first language has much fewer active speakers - you're probably off to tumblr and ao3 much quicker, because otherwise you'll get even lesser interaction.

Another thing: Obviously, a lot of those English fics - probably even the majority - was probably written by native English-speakers. So if something were inherently awkward about writing in your first language, English-speakers would feel that awkwardness, too. Experiencing it as strange is - to a degree - a learnt behaviour.

And the fact that fandoms from the pre-streaming and pre-parallel-release days are more popular on fanfiktion.de kind of implies to me that the same used to be true in those days at least for German fans. That it wasn't considered awkward to write in the first language but that there has been a decline in these last ten years - because when it was accepted to read or watch the translation of your 'source work', a lot of the language transfer problems didn't arise and there was a stronger consensus about what each character actually said and how they said it and how they talk to another character. Things have become a lot more confusing in the last years, language-wise.

Now, something else: I said I was going to come back to Tatort. For context: For many people "Tatort" is the 'quintessential' German show - it's a crime procedural, it's been around since 1970 and it's considered so relevant that newspapers review the latest episode.

So it shouldn't be surprising that people have written fic about it on a German platform:

Almost 700 of them. However, something that is interesting: The first Tatort-fic there was posted several years after fanfiktion.de first went online - and even after that, only very few people wrote Tatort fanfiction, with only an odd handful of fics per year coming in for quite a while.

I've recently noticed that there are quite a lot of active German Tatort-fans on tumblr (a mainly-English-speaking platform) and that people write fic about it. So I went and checked ao3, just for a quick comparison and-

Now, for clarification, the first one are fics in total, and the second is German fics only.

We also have a similar development here as we do on fanfiktion.de: Only a few fics at first - starting about 2011 - but then an explosion over the last two or so years. In fact, on fanfiktion.de, people post about 1 fic per day lately in the Tatort category. On ao3, it's 9 today alone. (No kidding, I'm active in English-language fandoms far less popular).

The reason I find this interesting is - as I said, there has been an increase of popularity of this show among fandom people in the last few years - so if we assume that there has been a similar migration from fanfiktion.de to ao3 as there has been from fanfiction.net to ao3* - then this peak of popularity among fic-writers was long after that rift became as wide as it is today.

*which stands to reason, because clearly most people aren't cross-posting their fics anymore, even if they're not written in English (and quite frankly, the barren wasteland that is fanfiction.fr makes me assume that all this isn't a German-only phenomenon)

Now, I've actually stalked some of the people who do post fics in the Tatort-category on ao3, and most of them seem quite capable of writing fic in English - many of them have several posted. So, assuming that German is their first or one of their first languages + that writing fic in German is awkward for a lot of people who usually write in English: They could very much translate their Tatort fic in English if they felt like it. They probably wouldn't lose any of the audience, bc most people on ao3 speak English. Instead, they chose to stick with the language of the source material - but decided not to post it on a German platform like fanfiktion.net. Likely because ao3 (English) is their most important fanfiction account.

Just to illustrate my point even more, let's once more go back to an older fandom and have a quick look at German Sherlock-fanfics on ao3:

500 on ao3 vs. the 4000 on fanfiktion.de.

Sherlock is a fandom that was popular in dimensions beyond Tatort - all around the globe. But it's relative peak of popularity among people who write fic definitely wasn't in the last two years. In fact, instead of 9 German-language fics per day like Tatort got them, German-language Sherlock fics are posted about...once a week, these days.

But it is a franchise with a peak from before The Big Divide (hence there being a lot more fics on fanfiktion.de for it than there are for Tatort on either site) and the source material is originally in English - so writing fic for Sherlock comes with all the translation baggage to go with it. It makes sense that if people have the choice, they'd not waste their mental energy on writing in German if they can avoid all of that and simply write in English and get a lot more comments and kudos for their work. Especially if it means not choosing between using...for example, forced translations for all kinds of British stuff OR keep the British words in disrupt the narrative flow and make you sound like a teaboo.

So yeah, for me those are the main reasons:

Personal practice (everything is a skill set. Writing in English is a skill set. Writing for a specific fandom is a skill set. Writing in your own language is a skill set. So if you're not used to one of them, you have to learn and learning can feel weird.)

Translation Baggage (Writing fanfiction in Language A when source material is in Language B means a lot of extra mental work. Work that was less pressing when most fans just consumed media in their own language and stayed on language-based platforms, but with DVD (OV usually included) and streaming and parallel releases + a lot more focus on learning English in school, it's become almost obligatory to know and watch the original and base your fics on that.)

The Big Rift (Kind of tying into the former point - the migration from L1-spaces into international spaces usually works really one-way. People get so much more content in English, that they no longer have much cause to journey back into L1-spaces - and in fact, L1- content is much less 'sharable' with your international audience and on your tumblr and with your buddies with a different first language - so if you can produce in English, it's tempting to do so - leading back to point 1)

Community Also tying back into the former point: If you're surrounded by English content - seeing content in your own language starts to feel wrong. Fanfiction inherently "is" in English for many young fans. Tumblr is in English. Reddit is in English (except for some spaces). Your L1 is the language for buying groceries in and talking to your parents and friends in. English is the language for fandom stuff. You have languages with two different assigned purposes. Writing fic in your L1 or talking to the cashier at the supermarket in English both feel like crossing streams. In fact, people jokingly speak in English with their friend sometimes - sometimes with exaggerated accents. And some people here make a German!Supernatural parody AU where Castiel is called Karsten. (Ja, ich sehe euch, Übernatürlich-Gang 👀)

On Netflix, there is a German show called 'Dark' (huge recommendation, I loved, it's brilliant - it's a Noir-style mystery series about a small town and people who disappear into the past and timeloops and stuff, pretty cool - and there is an English dub for the subtitle-averse). Now, I've never written anything for Dark, but I find it hard to turn off my writer brain pretty much ever at any given point of time. And I remember, when I was watching Dark I was thinking about how I would write for it or how to invoke an atmosphere and setting like this and what stylistic choices I would make. And it occured to me that I would find it very weird to write in English for it because...yeah, basically because of a lot of the same reasons that make it difficult to write in German for English stuff. And for me, writing a Noir-style mystery town in the forest in English or German would also...result in different 'feelings' because the setting and the flavours of creepiness would be different. (I think there would be some ...banality to writing it in German that I also experience when watching Dark. Watching a horror movie set somewhere in America - that's 'movie-land', that has nothing to do with me. On the other hand, setting it in a space that feels so inherently familiar - down to the way police cars look or schools work - makes it a lot less dignified but also a lot more...personal and realistic.)

At the same time, I'm currently editing a fic I've written for iZombie - and since it's from the perspective of a character who has a very distinct way of speaking - and of using slang - I can only imagine how long I'd stare at a blank page, trying to figure out how to best translate that into German, if I wanted to.

On the other hand, I've also written fics were I could very well imagine writing the same fic or a similar-style fic in German - for example, I wrote one X-Men fic where I play around with punctuation and orthography and capitalisation a lot - and also, I directly use German words to invoke certain associations and I use imagery from Trümmerliteratur (post-war literature) - now, many of these things I could do even more and a lot more deliberately in German, because hey - more punctuation to mess with, more capitalisation to mess with - and, the reader would actually understand more of the imagery I'm using and I wouldn't have to subtly explain it the metaphors or translate some of the words I'm using.

In fact, I remember thinking a few times when writing it: If this was German, I could go so way, way, way more overboard with this shit here right now. On the other hand, this is where the community and the 'size' thing comes back into play: Because the audience for a 12k word fic where Magneto just sits in solitary confinement and thinks about the world isn't the kind of thing a whole many people are interested in. So posting it in German might just be an exercise in frustration.

On the other-other-other-other hand, I also often think it's a bit sad, you know? Both the rift and the language thing.

For example, when I was...12 years or or so, I found this Kim Possible fic which was brilliant. It was a longfic and novel-quality good. The language was brilliant, the style, the pacing, the tropes. The funny parts were hilarious, the sad parts were devastating, everyone was in character and yet, everything was very nuanced and mature than you'd expect for a cartoon fanfiction and you could relate to everyone. I was obsessed with this fic. Back then, I didn't have internet on my computer - and this fic was really long, so I remember saving each and every chapter as an editor document on my Mum's computer, putting it on an USB-Stick and carrying it over to my own computer so that I could re-read and re-re-read it outside of my assigned internet time (I was a criminal!) - even after Kim Possible stopped mattering all that much to me, so much of that fic lived on in my back-brain. It had a big stylistic influence on me at he time.

Now, as I moved on into English fic spaces, I kind of lost sight of this fic, but at some point in my...early 20s, I rewatched Kim Possible and I remembered this fic. I remembered entire lines from that fic and that's how I found it again. And I actually couldn't re-read it. Not because it wasn't still very good. But because by then, I had watched Kim Possible in English more often than in German and it felt weird to read a fic about it in English.

It's sad because there is this brilliant work out there that a) the author would get so much more cred it for if it was in English (I've even considered contacting them and asking if they'd be interested in a translation to be posted on ao3 with them credited) and b) there is this brilliant work so many people are missing out on. Even people who speak German. Entirely because of this rift in bilingual fandom spaces.

And another thing I can think of - I've once read a (very short, a just a few hundred words) fic for Man From U.N.C.L.E. in Yiddish - because I'm currently learning a bit of Yiddish and I realised that it's a language option on ao3, so I got curious what kind of stuff people are writing and how much I'd understand. In this fic, Illya is Jewish and that's the main-topic of this oneshot and ...the fact that it is in Yiddish to me, personally, actually added a lot to the reading experience (probably even more to someone who actually is fluent in the language). And again, it would be nice if it was more common to share stuff like that around even on the international platforms because I feel like it could get a lot more recognition than it did from what I could tell.

I definitely think that while there can be obstacles and even weirdness in writing in one's native language - especially if someone is used to English-language fanfiction - I also definitely think that there are advantages. There is a certain common base of knowledge of symbolism and language that you share with an audience with the same language background - and you can use that for a variety of things. This common ground you sometimes lack when you're writing in a foreign language about a foreign subject. (I remember when British people on here were making really, really long lists about stuff people got wrong about the UK in Doctor Who and Sherlock fics because they got so weirded out by the way people portrayed their own country.)

So yeah, I get why it feels weird to a lot of people + sometimes it feels weird to me to (but if I would write more German fanfiction, I'd probably also lose some of that apprehension about it). But I also think that every language and 'sphere' can relate to stuff in unique ways and that that is some serious under-tapped potential. I love seeing people make e.g. Desi headcanons or Muslim headcanons for characters and open a whole new perspective on these characters that I would never have had on my own because I lack the context for that - but thanks to that, I do gain some of that perspective and I get to think about characters or world-building I like in a whole new way.

Also, I think if people shook off some of that...awkwardness about non-English fandon contents, it would help include people who aren't that fluent in English and perhaps cannot write their 100k slow burn fic in a foreign language. So it would be great to cross 'The Rift' sometimes and getting over that 'weirdness' and engage with content in our first language. For example, I loved when someone translated one of my fics into Russian - it's really flattering and it makes me happy, even if I don't understand it.

#another day another question answered with classic Josie succinctness #fandom #fanfiction #writing

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letteredlettered · 3 years ago

Note

Do you have any complaints about HP canon, and if so, what are they? For example I know a lot of people really dont like that Draco didnt get a redemption arc, but your work seems to really thrive off of a close reading of canon Draco in a way I think a lot of fanfic just cant because hes like... a very bad person. Its made me wonder if you are very... canon positive? I guess? Or more positive than most, maybe.

I have too many complaints about HP canon to list in an ask, but I can try to list some of them. First I want to say that choosing to use canon to inform your fic has less to do with whether or not you like the canon and more to do with what you like or want from fanfic. If you don’t like that Draco wasn’t redeemed, you can write a fic that posits he is redeemed and so that canon doesn’t have to be dealt with. Or, you can write a fic that shows how he gets redeemed or deals with the fact of his redemption to show what canon could have been. I obviously prefer the latter style, though I respect anyone’s choice to write in the former style. I can’t say I always understand the former style, but I respect the fact that people want to do it and should if that’s what they want.

I will say that I’m not sure I’ve ever written a fic that’s fully canon compliant, and I can’t quite imagine wanting to. Most of my fics a response to canon--they’re about something that wasn’t in canon, that I wish was in canon; or they’re about something that wasn’t in canon, and I don’t want to be in canon, but I still want to be explored. I wish the MCU would actually deal with the responsibility of wielding outsized power of destruction, so I wrote MCU fics. I do not want Schitt’s Creek to deal with the darkness of David Rose’s trauma or past, but I was still interested in it, so I wrote darker SC fic. I love Star Trek TOS, but I want to see Kirk and Spock hook up, so I wrote TOS fic.

There are a few things where I like the canon just the way it is, so I don’t write fic for it. Rainbow Rowell’s Carry On series is just what I want. I don’t need to write fic.

Back to my complaints with HP canon, the major problem I had was a lot of set up without the follow-through I expected or desired. I discussed that in my tumblr posts about Ron and Ginny. The set up of the Harry Potter universe is rather black and white, which I appreciate--it’s easy to get invested; it’s easy to consume. You know who the good guys are right away, and there’s no more complication. LOTR is rather like that, and I love it. But then HP begins to deconstruct its premise--James Potter was good, but he wasn’t kind. Dumbledore was trying to stop Voldemort, but he wasn’t honest. Snape is a horrible person, but he’s trying to do the right thing. This is my favorite sort of story, the one that starts black and white--vampires are evil; the robots will kill us, and the Gems that didn’t rebel are the enemy. Then a vampire earns his soul, or you find out you’re a robot, or--well, actually I didn’t like where Stephen Universe really went with that, but you get the picture. The Harry Potter series began the process of turning its own premise inside out, but somewhere in Halfblood Prince, that got too hard, and things began to snap back to their original shape. Good is good, actually, and bad people will always be bad.

One example of this is the death of Voldemort. Harry is set up as a mirror to Voldemort. Their pasts are very similar. Harry even feels compassion for Voldemort. At several different points, Harry is faced with the fact that he has to kill Voldemort. But Harry never has to deal with killing Voldemort, or with making a decision to spare Voldemort. In the end, Voldemort causes his own end as a result of his own destructive tendencies. This makes me feel that the text is suggesting that Voldemort deserves death. The idea that anyone “deserves” death for bad things they’ve done is not something I believe in or ascribe to. But even if it is the argument the text wants to make--what was the point of showing us that Tom Riddle was lonely, hurt, feared, and probably mistreated? The point really appears to be to show that two boys can have the same background and one turns out good while the other turns out bad, because goodness is inherent to some people while evil is inherent to others. I find this conclusion abhorrent, but I feel the conclusion is ultimately borne out by plenty of other aspects of the HP books.

The other example is Draco’s lack of redemption. I do not think villains have to be redeemed. The world has proven that shitty people can remain shitty. I also appreciate stories that show us the humanity of shitty people. A story about someone who is faced with thier bad choices but continues to make bad choices because they’re too afraid to do otherwise can be a good story. But I guess with Draco, I felt like I saw enough of his inner turmoil to understand why his heart would change, but not a thorough explanation of why it wouldn’t. Combined with many other similar characterizations in HP canon, it just feels like more essentialism--bad people are bad, and that’s how it is. I don’t mean there’s no nuance--as I said, the series does begin to deconstruct its own premise; we even saw how the Trio could be shitty. But ultimately they make the right choices. The characters who make the wrong choices generally continue to make them, except for Snape and Dudley. My complaint with those two representing a change of heart is that we don’t get to see the actual painful process of what that looks like--Snape’s happens pre-canon and there is too little of Dudley to show what is going on in Dudley’s brain.

The last thing I absolutely hate about HP is a lot of the “bad” characters tend to be overweight or unappealing in appearance. It’s true that a lot of this might be Harry’s POV--maybe Snape actually is the sex god some fics make him out to be, and Harry just he’s greasy because he doesn’t like him, and maybe Harry doesn’t like a good hook nose (I do). Additionally, Lockhart is very pretty, and while I want to firmly stress that Draco is never describes as good-looking, he’s not really described as ugly, and I believe Narcissa is even described as beautiful. But the book isn’t written in close third-person Harry POV, and “pointy” isn’t very flattering. Unkind words and stereotypes are used throughout to highlight the badness or evil of almost all the characters we’re not “supposed to” like. The descriptions of the Dursleys in particular are upsetting.

In my opinion, the above examples demonstrate a lack of compassion at the heart of the HP story. That’s what I’ve always hated about it and what always made me want to write about it. I want to write and say, “Look at this. This is fucked up. This is wrong.” Some people don’t read fic for that reason, and I think that’s fine. Plenty of those people really hate my fic, which is also fine. I know that many things in this world lack compassion, and I don’t spend years of my life writing fanfic about them. I think the reason I keep coming back is to me, the premise was unkind--which I was fine with, and then the text itself began to deconstruct itself--which I was overjoyed by. It made me fall in love with the series. But when the premise snapped back to an essentially black and white world, I felt betrayed.

In conclusion, I find HP at its very essence to be unkind. Ursula K Le Guin said it best when she said that it was “ethically rather mean-spirited.”

#harry potter

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