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wanderingmind867 · 5 days ago

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Today I go back to school. This is going to be a busy/stressful week for me, since I turn 20 this thursday and have a tour of a college with my dad on wednesday. And in the next few weeks, i may also end up going to an in person social skills class thing with my dad (after doing the class online for years). So a lot of stuff feels like it's coming up this week, and it's really kind of stressful. So i'm sort of getting in my own head about going back to school today. I keep thinking of everything coming up soon, and it makes me really nervous. So...wish me luck, i guess. I feel like i'm gonna need it today. sigh...

#school #high school #back to school #school days #schooling #college #birthday #birthday stress #social skills class #stress #stressors #stressed #wish me luck #i feel i'd need it today #wish me luck!

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bacchuschucklefuck · 9 months ago

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summer of junior year 06/11

#dimension 20 #fantasy high junior year #fhjy #gorgug thistlespring #riz gukgak #kristen applebees #figueroth faeth #fabian seacaster #adaine abernant #the bad kids #this is like. the First time I put down a palette for the kids lmao #I thiiiink its pretty consistent with the tones I did with my early sketches? iirc #gods. Ive been staring at this for Hours. I need to sleep lol #summer... it is happening. I feel like that always brings with it big emotions for me #it is. a little bit funny to me that whether these kids get a peaceful summer or not depends fully on how many roll20 campaigns happen #between now and a definitive end/last season of fh lmao #but also the last ''summer'' movie I watched was uhhh summer of 84. which. mmmmm #grim affair! so I'd need to stock up on less gloomy stuff to even think abt this...#well. what I need right now is sleep. so sleep I shall. thank u for tuning in today. see u again I think

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untitledgoosegay · 7 months ago

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re last reblog I do see fanfic culture pushing/replicating a certain model of "what trauma looks like," "how trauma works"

this is a problem across all areas of society obviously, but transformative works are, well, transformative. they're about crafting and modifying narratives where the fan-creator sees a flaw or a lack -- often for the better! don't get me wrong, I've done my fair share of "I take a hammer and I fix the canon," it's the main thing that gets my creative gears spinning -- but what happens when that "flaw" is simply a narrative not conforming to popular expectations?

some people just don't get PTSD from events that sound obviously traumatic. they're not masking, and they're not coping; they just straight-up didn't get the permanently-locked stress-response that defines PTSD. they walk away from a horrible experience going "well, that sucked, but it's over now." some people do get PTSD from events most people wouldn't find traumatic. we don't really know why some people get PTSD and others don't. but fandom has an idea of events that must be traumatizing, of a "correct" way to portray trauma. you see the problems with this lack of understanding in e.g. fans pressuring the devs of Baldur's Gate 3 to add dialogue where the player character badgers Halsin about his own feelings on his abuse -- because he must be traumatized, and his trauma must fit a certain mold and presentation of sexual trauma, under the mistaken impression that anything outside that narrow window is somehow "wrong" and disrespectful or even harmful to survivors.

take, for another example, the very common trope of a traumatized character who hates touch or sex "learning" to like touch or sex as a part of their healing process. certainly that can be healing for some people; other people will never like, or want, touch or sex, because of trauma or because they just don't. the assumption that someone who doesn't want sex or doesn't like to be touched must be traumatized, must be suffering from this perceived lack, is seriously harmful -- to asexual people, to people with sensory issues around touch, and to people for whom healing from trauma means freedom to refuse sex or touch.

and there's a secondary trope, one that's slightly more thoughtful but ultimately repeats the problem -- that once someone has learned that their boundaries will be respected, they'll feel it's safe to soften those boundaries. once they feel safe refusing touch or sex, they'll feel comfortable allowing it on their own terms. but many people don't, and many people won't! many people will simply never want to be touched, and never want sex, and they are not suffering or broken or lacking because of it. the idea that proving you'll respect someone's boundaries entitles you to test those boundaries -- the paradox is obvious, and yet this is something i've seen hurt (re-traumatize) people i care for.

people are imperfect victims. people don't heal in the ways you expect. many people have positive memories of their abuse, of their abusers. many people hurt others in the course of their trauma, in ways that can't easily be unpacked in a 5k oneshot. very few narratives of trauma and recovery actually fit the ones put forward by popular children's media and romance novels -- which are the ones I most see replicated in fandom spaces, because they provide the clearest narrative and easiest catharsis, and so they're easy and soothing to reach for.

that's not necessarily a bad thing! i am not immune to goopy romance tropes. i am not immune to teary catharsis. not every fic has to grapple with ugly realities. but there's a problem when these narratives become predominant, when people think they're accurate and realistic depictions of trauma, when the truth of trauma is unpleasant and uncomfortable, and doesn't fit any single narrative, let alone one of comforting catharsis

#bird original #see also: the murderbot diaries #murderbot does not like to be touched. murderbot does not like touching other people #physical contact is an unpleasant necessity in emergencies or to feign being human (something murderbot also hates)#at one point murderbot uncomfortably offers a hug to someone it cares for because she's upset and needs one --#and she refuses. because she knows it doesn't really want to; she won't ask it to do something it hates for her benefit #& yet murderbot fic often has it learning that touch ~isn't so bad~ and maybe there are a COUPLE people it likes to cuddle with.#the differences between vash in the original trigun anime and trigun stampede --#tristamp!vash is your woobie who hides his sad and traumatized heart under goofy behavior;#who copes and avoids through silly indulgences #2011!vash ... is not that #2011!vash isn't coping or masking. he feels immense grief yes; he also feels immense joy; the two are inseparable #he pursues joy moment to moment because he knows how fleeting each moment is #he loves people so intensely because he knows that he'll lose them -- so he has no time to waste with them #his grief is real and profound; so is his joy #i find that much more compelling and i feel like that's not a character i'd see in today's media environment #anyway #fandom #trauma #fanfic #throwing a golden apple into the tags with this but fuck it we ball

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icewindandboringhorror · 6 months ago

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I made a few new wax seal stamps out of clay (like the ones I did for my worldbuilding stuff forever ago), this time just of random symbols that I thought might look good done in the style of painting over the raised part of the wax or etc. :0c Some of them aren't carved deep enough to really show up that well, but overall they worked okay for being clay lol

#wax seal #crafts #wax stamp #stationery #Window one is kind of stinky.. I was imagining like a swirly night sky sort of looking thing so it would be a surreal contrast of a night #sky with a window in the middle that shows a daytime sky - but the silver and purple wax kind of mixed too much together #with the black and it just looks very plain black and not all that starry or anything hjbhj.. Of course the eye is probably my favorite #since all I ever do is draw eyes and still like eye imagery for some reason. The four leaf clover is very lumpy and skrunkty but also it wa #the smallest in size out of all of them so was easier to do multiple stamps of just to try it out.#The heart with eyes wax is actually more swirly in person. I wanted it to be a mix of light pink and red and white. and the wax #did kind of all blend together but in person you can definitely see MORE of the intentional swirlyness. in this it just looks plain pink.#I was going to do one eye in the heart but it looked weird. but now two seems too plain. i could have done 3?? in a pattern.. hmm #alas. I wish I could make actual metal ones. With the clay i have to paint them in a thin layer of olive oil before stamping because #otherwise the wax just kind of gets stuck in the grooves of the clay and then you can't pull it up. Very wacky ''unprofessional'' looking #set up where I'm hot gluing circles of sculpey clay to short stumps of a wooden dowel that I sawed apart with a serrated bread knife #and then using an old paintbrush to put olive oil on them whilst holding a spoon over a yankee candle flame hjbjh #ANYWAY.. I think if I were middle class/rich/etc. this would be one of the main things in my crafting room is like.. SO many colors #of wax. and all different custom made stamps designed by me. which could be much more elaborate in actual metal.. muahaha.... >:)c #RHGghhh... I actually don't want to talk much about it since (this is probably just my Obsessed With My Own World Artist Delusions) I #think I have a really cool idea for a game that could genuinely be successful if i ever get to make it and I don't want to give #everything away and spoil the whole plot/concept in hopes that one day I can actually do it - BUT - a game that I'd like to make after the #visual novel I'm making now has partially to do with the main character working as a sort of writer/scribe/artist assistant in an elven #city (set in my world/with my worldbuilding species and versions of elves and etc) and I was thinking of maybe incorporating #somehow being able to collect little writing type items like these like.. you can get different wax seal patterns or pens or etc. when I do #stuff like this in Real Life it always makes me think of that like.. ouh... this is good research.. what it shall be like to be a littol #elf collecting wax seals and such.. indeed... GRR i need to be finished with my current game NOWWW... i MUST work on other #thingss... aughh... ANYWAY.. yay. accomplishment to do One Single Thing other than Sit In The Summer Heat And Rot #though also hilarious as this was the first cool-ish day that was below 80F in a while hgvh #waking up like 'wow.. i actually feel okay today?? like I could do things?? how mysterious.. I wonder why..?? :0'' Its The Weather You Fool #Tis Always The Weather

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weaselle · 1 month ago

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There have been several things in my everyday life that i have just, "decided to not let bother me". And that seemed to work really well for me. Like, well if i can't seem to change that then i guess i'll just accept the fact that i'm a person whose life is like that, and be at peace with it.

years later i'm finding out that while i thought i was not letting it bother me, what i was actually doing was ignoring that it was bothering me the whole time. And, wow, are those two things different.

#in the long term. but they feel so similar in the short term #like in the moment they both feel like you don't care about it anymore with some relief and an ability to focus on other things in your lif #but when that thing runs its whole orbit out in the dark and arrives back in the center of your attention later in life #it arrives with the full force of the decade or two you've been walking with that particular pebble in your shoe #and you find yourself thinking “i'd rather chew my own foot off than have to take one more step onto that little fucking rock again istfg”#made all the worse by the fact you've not given yourself any compassion or accommodation about it #like you haven't said to yourself it's okay you walked less miles than you needed to walk today - after all you have a pebble in your shoe #and you haven't used a cane or taken foot-resting breaks or anything in fact you've just been doing your best to not even limp #so instead of not letting the pebble bother me i've just been doing things in a way in the way guaranteed to make the pebble bother me most #and i think i've got like #several miscellaneous shoe bits going on down there smh

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swordscleric · 1 month ago

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I can't stop thinking about the post from a few days ago about how Critical Role has been great at doing personal faith but didn't put the necessary work in to discuss the religious/god angle of c3 in-depth. Like the fact that Cardinal Respa was linked to both the Dawnfather and the Chained Oblivion is, on a personal level, very interesting (fallen/corrupted priest goes hard) but like does that mean that there's a Papacy somewhere in Exandria dedicated to the Dawnfather? If so, are there more cardinals who ordain the bishops of the Dawnfather? Are there Conclave-level intrigues going on in the Dawnfather's Sistine Chapel? Why is the Dawnfather so Christianity-coded in vibes alone if there's no actual outline of his religious organisations? With Downfall the Dawnchild/Dawnfather thing makes the allusions to Christ as Son of God co-existing with the Father textual - was there a Dawnfather Schism around whether the Dawnchild was a separate mortal? Was there a Reformation about how the Dawnfather's Pope kept selling indulgences? Is that why the priest of the Dawnfather Grog & Pike offer a drink to doesn't partake because of a cultural shift between Protestant-Temperance-League-coded and Catholic-coded Dawnfather congregations? Why do I have so many questions about the religious organisation of one of the most important Prime Deities in Exandria and to Critical Role's 3 campaigns? How on earth were the cast (and us as the viewers!) meant to care about the gods if all they had were "really tall kings" instead of interrogating how religious organisations provide both a place of healing and community to a wide range of people and also a place of horrific harm and abuse for a wide range of people?

#cr meta #cr discourse #critical role #it's just. maddening #i mean a college of cardinals who can all shoot god a quick dm and ask who's the best for pope is an absolutely hilarious image #makes for a great comedic setpiece tbh #but like seriously matt if your whole multi-campaign story needs people to have strong feelings about the gods beyond how they personally #affected them (keyleth vex and ashton come to mind as people who were negatively affected by certain gods due to personal reasons)#it might be a good idea to develop the religious organisations of these gods! let people see how these things work out instead of letting a #vibes-based approach to christianity rule the whole discussion! kord's whole deal about strong people is fascinating! are his priests all #body builders? do they have a central hierarchy based on strength? we don't know!#are the wildmother's clergy pro- or anti-alcohol? does she even have a clergy?#or are all the religious temples we have seen just set dressing because religious buildings in the real world just have cool designs?#is it because in fantasy the trope is that most protagonists don't care about religion and their temples are literally there for vibes?#i'm aware i'm getting way too close to stan-parasociality on that last point but if we have a cardinal “do we have a pope” is a logical #follow-up question. i'm aware there's not that much info in the campaign guides so that gms can do their own thing but in the #“the gods deserve to be eaten because they were mean to me” campaign surely a more interesting line would be “do the gods deserve us if #their organisations cause systemic harm as was done to bor'dor and........"#can you tell i don't want to do any actual work today. i sure can't #and yes i'm main-tagging this if people are hostile to me on the internet for this buddy there's a phenomenal button i'd like you to meet

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lunarharp · 1 year ago

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hehe. almost christmas!

#ace attorney tag #narumitsu #partial nudity /#2nd and 3rd things inspired by playing the first game and Uhh... why is phoenix accusing men of being lovers and being certain of it #and just generally containing the core of bisexuality within him #also there's that part i recall in maybe the..3rd game? where he's like Wow.. I'd Fall For Him Too... about that cinnamon swirl looking man #learnt lately that the writers upon learning that ace attorney was very popular with BL people immediately started reading BL #to understand the genre. i think phoenix would also do such Research in college. to Learn About People. About The World.#so now he feels that he has gaydar and is a good Ally etc. But actually maybe...you're also just bi too !#too bad you'll have to get kissed by a criminal to work that out! Hang in there <3 #i reread my fic today !! I'm in the christmas mood now ! Sort of ! ooooh the 7 year gap.. at least we are in the 7 year gap years irl #Somewhere out there they ARE drinking wine romantically gazing at snow on a balcony in germany. thank GOD for that fr #so i shall be drawing things from THAT era next i need to depict men finally kissing NOW !!!!!!#can't do it with orufrey..can't draw cute happy romantic wintry art of them..didn't finish processing my current divorcecore arc era cycle

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disposal-blueeee · 8 months ago

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#thing i forced myself to color #i think i just like . forced myself to do this thing in the first place #i don't feel really good todaY #i hadn't drawn anything for two days #and i was worried i would lose motivation again #it's just that i finished all of my ideas already #well not all of them but most of them are too complicated #god this is so boring . i need to start experimenting with colors but i don't really have the motivation for that rn #i really really miss vargas and it's driving me crazy #can we have a fanbase with more than 20 ppl PLEASE #i'd do anything for edgar vargas #i don't know what posessed me but suddenly i'm crazy for this man #btw . . . i created . . . a twitter spicy side acc . . .#if u want to know the @ . . . just dm me . . .#i'll let you in as long as you're not a minor of course #vargas #edgar vargas #vargas zarla #zarla s #okay fun thing #before i would like . draw edgar looking super grumpy and annoyed #which isn't wrong ??? but in zarla's drawings most of the time he just looks scared or confused #so i was like god is this too self indulgent #and i had to stop doing that kind of #but i just did it again here . i'm not saying sorry i don't feel good okay .#sunny's art

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saints-who-never-existed · 1 year ago

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I love Dundy so so much but Christ, do I hate how fucking calm he seems in that Lawful Mutiny scene...!

Little is riled the fuck up. He's the most animated and impassioned we've perhaps ever seen him, using uncharacteristically expressive language too ("this coven of traitors", "that devil").

Le Vesconte, in sharp contrast, appears cool and collected, to the point of complete detachment and numbness (I say appears because of course he's suffering too). He speaks slowly and plainly, clearly having rehearsed, and chooses his words very very carefully indeed (those too ill to walk will not be left behind, for example, they'll just "stay").

It's almost like he's that arsehole in a disagreement who tries to convince you that they're right just because they're arguing in a calm, 'logical', grammatically-correct manner, and you're wrong just because you're getting passionate and emotional over the subject at hand.

Like, just imagine being Little in that situation!

You've been suppressing your emotions for god knows how long, keeping your anger and resentment simmering just below the surface for as long as you can remember for fear of what will happen if you let those emotions show, fear that it'll just make things worse.

But finally you can suppress no longer, something in you breaks. All that anger and resentment starts to boil over but you find that you were right - letting those emotions show didn't help at all, it made everything worse, just as you feared.

#I don't think I'm articulating this as well as I'd like to #Same old story #But nevertheless I persist #I'm having a lot of feelings about this today and I just need to get them out somehow #It's just the lack of catharsis y'know?#The idea of letting go and ceasing to give a shit and tearing your treacherous coworker a new one #Only it doesn't help #It doesn't make you feel any better and it doesn't change anything #You're just screaming at a brick wall #Oh lord I'm rambling #Ooh boy this got real long and real incoherent real fast.#The Terror #The Terror AMC #Edward Little #Dundy #Henry Le Vesconte #Meta #Observations #Random Observations

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cubtales · 2 months ago

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୧(՞o̴̶̷̤ ̫ o̴̶̷̤ ՞)و if you see this know i love u very much!

#〝 𝓬𝓾𝓫𝓬𝓱✩𝓽�� ₊ ࣪ ㅤ ꣓ㅤ #kaomoji is so me since holiday hours end tomorrow ! ! !#celebrating immensely this is the best thing since .. argenti's first leaks 💞 DHEJIS #+ i'd be less drained and tired when i return home ! ! which means more time on here since im also in break !!!#a win ... even tho it's tmmr .. still a win #today is a major drain since i'm gonna have to keep pushing for seven frickin HOURS #ahem ... excuse my french . but what the fuck #glad to be helpful but TT i miss my bed #a closing shift to morning shift IS depressing i commend everyone who does them !!!!#but nevermind my complaints..#to the sweet angels in my ask box i will be getting to you soon ! ! i want to give you guys my utmost attention where i'm not drowsy nor #busy ! it feels rude to me to do anything of the sort ! i cherish each ask i get hehe #+ i need to write them into my diary so (⸝⸝•ᴗ•✿) yeth #i'm not ignoring!!! NEVA !!#+ i still want to visit inboxes :3 so i'm mustering strength!#if i don't make it christmas ( eve ) i'll so spend the rest of the year doing soo !#will rebloop tht post so i know which angeld pernit me to do so hehe #take care loves !! been slackin tew hard eeeep #will run da q 🏃

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a-s-levynn · 1 year ago

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About those new masks..

So i saw this take a few times already and i have some thoughts. Obviously it's paraphrasing but you'll see these a lot similar to this if you scroll in ST spaces since yesterday:

"These new masks have too much personality, they said the people behind the music is uniportant but they now have this new personalized look instead of the uniform sleek minimalist one and it is the direct opposite of what they are saying. These new looks do not fit Sleep Token"

Let me preface this: I'm not going to explore specific reasons why people might hate on the masks because... No i refuse to go there, but i will talk about the issues i have around this a bit.

No.

If you are hating on the new masks so much so as to cry about that "this is not what they supposed to be about" you are missing your own point. You are in fact shooting the opposite direction. You are no longer in it for "just the music" but you are very much caught upon the "everything else beside the music." You got distracted. You putting the blame on them instead on yourself for loosing your own point.

There is no moral highground in this whole ordeal. Please respect yourself enought to try not to look utterly stupid if you frothing about something you visibly misunderstood. Do not hide behind excuses. Do not put this on the artists. Own up to the fact that you simple don't like it.

Admit that it's your opinion purely; because ultimately the artist creating their own art will understand creative choices behind their creations more than you ever will. No matter how far you try to bend backwards.

The masks fit Sleep Token because it is Sleep Token who decided to have them. End of story. You can hate it all you want but it is still part of the shabang now. And don't try to mask your distaste over visuals with shouting about the artist not understanding their own ideology.

If you are so hung up on how they look like, more than what the music still is, than stop and think for a second please.. You have it backwards. If you really truly only care about the music, what it is about, what it gives you, than you are not going to give a shit what they are wearing on stage.

Maybe in a passing few sentences but otherwise you are not going to be worked up about it to the point you sent hatecomments to the artist who made them.. It is shameful.

Besides i hate to break it to people but they already had their personalities with their outfits just not this strongly. III had the random whacky shit. IV had the hint's of this comfy leisurly punk-ish techwear whatever going on besides the fancy stuff the past a months since the summer. II had a slightly sleeker but maybe sort of tech-ish look which is now reflected (in my opinion) much more strongly with this new look (which sorta reminds me of a stylized oni or something tbh and that is extremely in line with their older far-east inspired thematics visually, just saying).

They are not handing you the "we are unimportant" part anymore. They are not spoonfeeding it to you. Not in the way they had before at least. They presume you are mature and smart enough at this point to get it. To get to the conclusion that it is unimportant what they look like. And allow them to still have fun with it.

Or just they are being cheeky and went for something that would shake up the people. I don't know, i don't know them or anyone close to them. I don't have answers. But they are trying something new an it is perfectly fine.

Also which would have come off so much differently if Vessel is 100% btw. Be honest, if they would have been able to perform to their fullest abilities, far less people would be so loud over this.. This was just an unfortunate turn of events and when shit hits the fan it usually never just one dose. And my heart breaks for the boys for all this.

Besides, people were so loud about hating that "they looked the same" and "so hard to distinguish" and "easy to replace because of this" ... now they have personalized masks and looks and the same people cry about the exact opposite they did before..

Also it just occured to me that this is basically the same as the lightshow upgrade. It gives you something to look at at the rituals. The new looks are visually interesting, and with the lighting setup they have now they are gonna look like some seriously fun nightmare creatures btw. I love that already.

So all in all i don't know, i don't really have a point here i guess, but the boys are in such a no win situation right now and i hate the fact that people are shitting on them just because they don't fit their idea of "an anonymous collective" anymore. Which is reddiculous and sad because nothign has changed.

It never was about being a blank page. It was about being human. It flies over so many peoples head but the anonymity part isn't about not being a person under there. It is being about that person not having a name. It doesn't matter if the person has a personality or not. What matter there is that no name.

There is no definitiveness. It gives an open invitation for anyone to step into that person but first you need to recognise that there is a person there. And there is no doing that if there are no traces of personality. Or humanity if you will because personalities makes us humans. Don't make me hold a philosophy lecture here on what it means being human please.

It does not matter who that individual it is by tagging a name on them. But it is extremely important that there is a person there. Otherwise there is no connection point. If there is no person there is nothing to understand. But it does not matter how that person looks like. It does not matter what the person wears. Or what that person is called. What matters is that it is a human being. And as such you can understand it. Our at least you should be able to.

Regardless of the design of a mask.

#there is so much more there i could bring up and talk about but i have stuff to do today so i can't get hung up on it too much #but i hope it comes through what i'm trying to convey here #i'm not trying to hate on people not liking the masks because it is an extremely valid opinion #i hate people trying to mask it as a thing about sleep token loosing sight of their own thing #please do not try to hide behind stupid shit like 'this is not what they talked about'#cut the bullshit #grow up #and own up to the fact that you are visually do not like something #there is no need for a moral high horse in this case #you can dislike something for the aesthetic #but again. please do yourself a favour and try not to look utterly stupid about something you only half understand appearently #i'd say i'm sorry if i offended anyone here but i'm prepared for getting shit over this anyway so no i'm not apologizing #if you feel offended by this maybe this is your reminder that maybe you should think it through why you feel targeted #✌🏻#sleep token

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paranormaljones · 5 months ago

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i propose we kill walmart

#y'all have no clue the amount of frustration that stupid grocery store put me through this night #i'm feeling rageful #i feel like if i tried to type it all out i'd just start crying again #so i'm just gonna angrily eat some chips and watch the office about it #because today has SUCKED and i need some fictional characters to make me believe in love again #oh Lord! please help me to stop hating everything #including myself

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piningpercussionist · 11 months ago

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Oh! Fucking. Duh. Obvious Roxie post I can make today: here's an emote I made for the sp:te server! (With variants of different degrees of completion...)