#i feel i had more to say but my brain just nopped so i guess this is it

[kazhig-pm]

I don't know you but I know what you feel.

Let me share some of my experience so it may help you a bit : I'm 23 now so I was 20, nearly 21 when I discovered Dream. The DSMP fandom was not my first fandom and I knew it wouldn't be the last. Dream's content brought me a lot of joy and laughters but I started to smell BS with the cheating incident (the whole probabilities thingy) . I did some maths in highschool. Was good at it until I wasn't but I often trust more numbers than people. So him vehemently denying that he cheated when the numbers said otherwise messed me up . I like logical stuff, this and Dream's response were not and my brain didn't like that one bit.

(I was diagnosed as being autistic and having ADHD later that year :D )

The DSMP was a big part of my special interest, Minecraft. The server and the fandom brought me great joy and laughters. But I knew (after nearly 16y on the internet (don't do the math, it will scare you to know how young I was when my parents put me in front of a laptop alone )) that the DSMP was not my first fandom and it won't be the last.

But I still felt dumb when Dream kept on doing shitty things. I had hoped that since he was the same age as me, he would gain maturity and become responsible of this big fucking gift and opportunity that was his fandom. But nop.

I did fanarts for CC WAY SHITTIER. It was not my first rodeo of leaving a fandom by the back door and cringing when people reminded me that I was a part of it.

So here's some words of wisdom from me (a 23y/o that will fuck up later too so you can take that with a grain of salt) : one day you will cringe at the 15 y/o you are currently. But sometimes you will want to hug them too and that's ok. It's human to have expectations but in the end what I learned to do and say was that I liked the content of a person and not the CC themselves. I don't know them, only what they share with me. And that's good for the both of us. They keep their privacy and I can keep a step back to stay objective. But also, I know it is my stand today but maybe, in 2 years, I will have changed and will cringe at my words today. And that's ok. Cringing and laughing about ourselves, as long as we stay kind to ourselves, can only show how we changed and matured.

When I was in the DSMP fandom, I was in my early 20's and I never was like...a hardcore stan, I just enjoyed the content. But I saw all the kids like you and I knew a fuck ton of them would cringe at their behaviour in the coming years, because I went through the same stuff. And people in the 60's went through the same stuff with the Beatles. And people did some Tecktonik in 2007 (lol it's mainly a french trend but if you go look that up, know that some young people were way into it ). It's just humans are. Is it good ? No, I can't forget that the DSMP fandom (but actually let's be honest, the Dream team fandom) sent death threats and harassed a lot of other people. But it was normal in a way when you observed it (not the bad stuff, the humans being fanatics about something that brought them comfort and a community, a lot of them for the first time.) It will happen again. And only time will help calming the masses, it can take some months or some years but people will grow and move on.

You don't have to feel bad about taking part of that. I'm sure there's still some experiences and stuff you learn that will help you later, may it be some Minecraft knowledge or just how to behave when it comes to fandoms in the future. For the last one, it doesn't mean you can't fully enjoy and get excited at stuff just in case the CC is a shitty person, don't let them take that away from you.

I don't really know how to finish that rambling. I don't even know if having my perspective of an older person from the fandom helped. I guess the TLDR is don't blame your younger self (and by extension yourself) for stuff you didn't know at the time. (Always be kind to yourself.)

Been trying to put a finger on why the Dream situation pisses me off and I think I figured it out.

I spent nights staring at my ceiling listening to change my clothes and dreaming about a future that I'm scared I'll never get to have. I watched every single one of his videos, read the fanfiction, sang the songs, knew the memes and jokes, couldn't look at a kettle or fork or the goddamn color green without thinking about him. And yeah, maybe it was weird, but I was TWELVE and he was the first person I had ever seen in media that was like me. That couldn't sit still, that talked weird, that just didn't quite fit in. I had a community when I was watching tiktoks about him and reading countless Tumblr posts about the dsmp lore.

It was covid and I was a kid and I was lonely and I needed so badly to have a place where I didn't have to watch the walls in my room seemed to get closer every moment.

I started having panic attacks when I went out in public, the people I was friends with started to realize I wasn't normal, that full body twitches and flappy hands weren't the typical reaction to a good song or too-bright lights. I was so lonely.

And then I found Dream's videos. And they helped me have a place where I wasn't alone in my room, feeling like a crazy person for my tics and my gender.

I cared so fucking much about this guy, trusted him with that naive trust that kids have that people are telling the truth, and then he turned out to be taking advantage of that in his fans.

It really fucking sucked to find out that my idol wasn't a good person.

And I had him on a pedestal, I thought he was perfect, I would have taken a bullet for him, alright? I cared so much because he was the only person I had ever seen who was like me.

It wasn't normal. It wasn't just me being a normal fan. I was a stan, was a parasocial fan, whatever you want to call it.

Burt he didn't do anything to stop thousands of kids just like me from being parasocial, in fact he encouraged it.

It just bothers me to think that the entire time he was telling us he cared, 12 year old me was just another viewer. Not because I was just another viewer, but because he lied to me and told me I wasn't. I am fine with just being a fan, but being told that I'm important and significant by someone who has no way of caring about me really sucked. It sucked because it really felt like he cared, but I was always just another view, another like, another subscriber, commenter, buyer. Just another consumer.

I was emotionally dependent on him and he did nothing to discourage that behavior from thousands of fans and it's disgusting because now he's taking advantage of those same fans, using them for money, flirting with MINORS that have been conditioned to care about him.

And now a huge portion of my childhood, a huge portion of the happiness I got from being part of his community, feels so gross and tainted and I will never get to have that again. I will never get to have back those days where I could watch his videos and listen to his songs.

And I fucking loved the songs.

I loved the music, music has always been a huge deal for me, and I loved it.

Now every time I hear those stupid songs I'm taken back to when I was twelve, picturing high school and thinking about my friends and all of the things twelve year olds care about. And I miss it, and I miss the stupid songs, because I can't hear them the same anymore and they should be special to me. They should be honey-dipped nostalgia and now they are gross and unsettling.

It fucking sucks to see him parade around and talk about how he deserve sympathy because he is autistic, however true that may be, because I am autistic, and it's not fun. It's not just being a little too blunt or developing a little slower. Those may be symptoms, but that's not what autism is. It's sobbing in the middle of the lunch hall as a year 8 because you have the wrong number or apple slices in your lunch. Autism isn't some excuse for behaving like a manchild, is is something that has fucked up so much for my life. And he uses it for sympathy points.

It sucks because I related so much to him and now that I know who he really is, I am left to wonder if I will be like him one day.

It took a big part of my childhood that I should be able to look back on with fondness and sort of ruined the memories.

It sucks because part of me will always care so goddamn much even if he's fucking terrible. Even if I would avoid him if I saw him in public. Even if i have him blocked on all social media. Even if i threw away every fanart i drew of him and the dream hoodie i bought with my own money. Part of me wishes he would redeem himself so I could love his songs again. Even if I really wish he would just lose his platform right now and never fucking speak again, I miss my childhood so damn much.

Kinda fucked me up to have something I cared so much about sort of destroyed in front of me just because a man that I thought could do no wrong was a shitty person.

Anyways, I hope he burns.

[varcn]

   in defense to varon: a long rant about dub vs. sub.

    i want to start this post by saying that throughout my time with varon as a muse ( over five or so years ago ), i’ve seen hate towards his character & a lot of it, are issues with the dub or issues that could be explained ( not justified ) by learning about his background ( which was omitted pretty much in the dub ). so, with this post, i want to address some of those issues ( which i also share ) & explain why i lean towards the sub.

     one of the major critiques i’ve seen about his character, is his entitlement to mai & i agree, but let me just say that this was mainly a problem in the dub.

   i will go on a bit of a tangent & say that yes, doma had many issues & many ‘ooc’ moments. there’s been a lot of frustration towards mai’s character regression, & while i understand that as an audience, it might be frustrating or disappointing, i like to see it through a more ‘realistic’ perspective. mai suffered a lot because of yami malik. she was shown with trauma ( possible ptsd or depression ), so to me, the fact that she went back to her old ways when she was alone isn’t entirely unrealistic. what i had a problem with, was how yugi & co. decided to react to this, completely dismissing her feelings & blaming it entirely on the orichalcos brainwashing her, which... yes & no. the orichalcos made her want to defeat jou because she wanted to move on, as it was clear that him not being there + envy had caused resentment towards him & the group. however, the resentment was already there. mai felt abandoned, left behind, etc. she wanted to be saved even though she wasn’t reaching out or saying she needed the help. emotions aren’t always rational, so even if she knew that they wouldn’t know unless she said something, that didn’t stop her from feeling some type of way towards them.

    valon is no different in the dub.

   first meeting / flashback

     when they meet, he makes promises of power & how he could grant her that. he always portrayed himself as mai’s saviour or knight in shining armour. he was entitled to her from the beginning because she ‘owed’ it to him. to me, it felt as if the dub was trying to mirror jou by dumbing him down ( jou is also dumbed down ), & make it seems like ‘look, they’re the same, just good vs bad! ). in the sub, however, i see it more as ‘varon is what jou could’ve become, had he not found yugi & co’.

     in the sub, mai breaks down because she’s alone, hurt & ‘needs to be saved’, because nothing she does ever feels as enough. varon starts by telling her that she’s a strong woman, despite losing to him & collapsing to her knees. he called her strong because she’s still trying, & doesn’t make her promises about giving her power, like in the dub. instead, he tells her ( perhaps a bit harsh, but true ) that no one will save her ( oh, the irony ) & that she needs to save herself. this alone, is a comment he makes from experience & shows how varon sees things. it’s him vs the world. he can’t rely on anyone else, & even shows some anger towards rafael when he tries to help.

    he’s a loner, like mai, & while what he said isn’t the best advice, it’s all he knows. in the end, he disproved his own advice because he saw how blinded mai was & the risks she was taking as consequence of it. he saw that no, she couldn’t do things alone in the state she was & he wanted her to rely on him.

    * this is also the first instance of varon showing any care / concern towards someone, as later on, he even tells mai he’s willing to go against doma / dartz for her sake. take that as you will.

       valon, the ‘r/niceguy’.

     another scene that comes to mind, it’s the conversation that they have in the desert. in the dub, valon goes on about how he can make things better for her, & when she tells him ‘i don’t like you’, he responds in a condescending tone about how he knows how she feels towards him. one of his main issues towards jou, both in dub & sub ( thought the sub emphasizes more on it ) is how dismissive him & the others are of mai’s feelings. the dub just shows how much of a hypocrite he is because he does just that. he tells her how she feels, despite being vulnerable. i’ve watched this scene in spanish & english & while the dialogue is pretty much the same, the only difference is that in the spanish version, he sounds more soft-spoken & ‘casual’. i guess the bad cockey accent didn’t help.

     as for the sub, varon tells mai how she feels, but not in the way that the dub portrays. i think we could elude the fact that between episodes, & even before the entire season, there has been interaction between mai & varon. at least, enough for varon to know about her resentment to jou & see some of mai’s pain. he describes how she’s been living her life based on his own experience, because he sees a lot of himself in her.

    varon tells her that he is just like that. that he can’t live if he can’t win, just like her. it doesn’t come off as him dictating how she feels or making assumptions, but rather, it’s coming from a place of understanding.

     & this is the scene where the confession comes up. i guess, the dub wanted to have this love triangle without saying it was a love triangle ( which i always found weird that they wanted to allude to this, considering the amount of censorship. somehow, it was okay for mai to be interested in a teenager? ).  it only goes as far as ‘i know you feel the same way i do’, & left for interpretation. the sub doesn’t do that. varon is always straight-forward with what he says & doesn’t shy away from it. sure, it’s not the most healthy for him to make her his reason of living, but keep in mind that he didn’t have the healthiest of upbringings, either. there’s a lot of things that he needs to learn & overcome before getting into a relationship. especially if it’s with someone who has unresolved issues, as well.

    he tells her to ‘be his woman’ ( & whether you want to take that as a display of toxic masculinity or him awkwardly asking her out in a way that doesn’t seem to ‘vulnerable’, it’s up to you ). mai merely responds with ‘you have to defeat me first’, only for him to remind her that he has.

    nyeh? nyeh

     another thing that the dub loves to do, is dumbing down characters, & varon wasn’t the exception. it was clear that they wanted someone like jou & in the process, they took a lot of those serious / deep moments that varon displayed in the sub. their duel further proves that by having them both wear armour & i will leave it at that because that whole thing gets me so mad lmao. it turns into a duel of ‘i know what’s best for mai despite what she says or thinks’ & even the abridged called it out, because varon came from a place of ‘i’m doing this to help her’ rather than ‘i know what’s best for her’.

 thank you 4kids for your censorship!

      something you can’t just omit when considering varon’s character, is the way he grew up. the dub literally took about 90% of it & had him seeming almost proud / reminiscent about his time in jail. that’s it. we see him go to an island, win against a bunch of grown-ups & join doma. then what???

     now, if one thats the sub backstory in consideration, the way that he acts towards mai isn’t all that strange. in fact, i’d say it explains it. varon had nothing. he grew up an orphan, & a violent one, at that. the only person he appears close to / someone he cares about, is the nun that raised him. she tended to his wounds despite disappointing her & getting into fights even though she had told him to stop. this was someone who hadn’t given up despite him failing her over & over. this was someone he was willing to kill for, if it meant protecting her, & he possibly did. after the church was burnt down, he sought for the men he thought were responsible for it & attacked them with a metal pipe.

   he was just a kid. possibly a pre-teen against four grown ass men. it’s unclear whether he killed them or not, but the fact that varon is shown in prison, with adults, leads me to think that he was processed as one due to the degree of the crime. even then, he was still violent & forced into solitary confinement + a straight jacket for who knows how long. & let’s keep in mind that his only way out, was by defeating a bunch of dudes ( basically killing them with the orichalcos ). unlike amelda or rafael, doma wasn’t an escape from his life. it was his freedom.

      the guy had nothing & expected nothing. he lived each day as it was, reason why he appears to be so carefree about things. & despite his similarities with jou, let me just say that they’re still not the same. even if jounouchi went through his share of trauma, their experiences were different. the way jou sees or reacts to something, won’t be the way that varon will react to it, & i feel that’s something a lot of people don’t consider.

    i think it’s commemorable that despite everything, varon still manages to care for someone as much as he does with mai. he didn’t fight jou to ‘win her over’, he fought him so that he wasn’t setting her back. the dub has valon almost ‘handing her’ to jou after losing, which completely missed the point of that whole duel. because in the sub, varon realizes he may be doing more harm than good & experiences that ‘thrill’ that he had been searching for. he comes to understand mai better, & the fact that he can help her without having to be her saviour.

    he trusts jou will bring her to her senses, but also trusts that she will do it, because let me remind you that even in during her ‘weakest moment’, he saw her as a strong woman.

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK] [EF LINK]

WARNING: Elsanna. Sensual footrub. Also, copious fluffiness elsewhere.

As I said in my Queen of Temperance update, it's going to be a little slower during November due to NaNo. Also, if you want to help me avoid bankruptcy you can donate to me at: Ko-Fi dot com slash jxsleator!

CHAPTER 10

The next morning, Anna was awoken by a gentle hand in the small of her back. It took her a few minutes for the state of her life to come back to her, but eventually the details filtered into her brain. And they began to stir the most wonderful glow of happiness in the middle of her chest.

"Mmmmhhh," she moaned into the pillow, eyes still closed but lips beginning to pull into a smile. "God, sexy, let me wake up enough to go down on you first."

"Oh? Well, with an offer like that, maybe I can delete my profile."

Anna's eyes shot wide. That was definitely not Jennifer. She didn't even have to guess who it was. Gulping, she slowly rolled over onto her back, gazing up at Elsa's bemused face. She could feel the cool air of late Autumn on her bare chest and shoulders, only somewhat deterred by the heating.

"I… um…"

"Thought I was Jennifer," she finished easily for her, being kind enough to suppress her belly laugh. "Still, you might want to be more careful who you say things like that to, Anna."

"MOM! Shit, I didn't mean- holy Christ, I'm sorry! Damn… how hard did I crash that I couldn't even tell it was you?"

One of her shoulders shrugged. Now she could tell that Elsa was fully-dressed, and she normally wouldn't be on a Sunday morning – either version of her. Though occasionally that other Mom made it to church, even then she wouldn't look this nice. "Probably pretty hard after all that screaming last night."

Instantly, Anna's face heated up. She also became intimately aware that she was still naked, that her breasts were responding to the cool morning air. And Elsa hadn't looked away. She wasn't staring down Anna's boobs, but they would most definitely have been in her periphery.

Elsa seemed to become aware of it at the same moment, because she took a step back from the bed. "Just wanted to let you know that I'll be out of the house for most of the morning. I have a few errands to run but I'll be back later."

"Ugh, you couldn't have just left a message?" Anna complained, rolling over. Yep, there was Jennifer, the little spoon and still fast asleep.

"I could have, but this was more fun," Elsa laughed. Anna gave a groan and pressed her head further into Punz's back.

"Bye, Mom."

Elsa's chuckle could be heard all down the hallway. Then, there was the sound of the front door opening and closing, and finally, quiet. Anna took a breath, then sighed… and was completely shocked when Punz sat up, very obviously not asleep.

"Well… that was super awkward."

"You were awake?" Anna groaned feebly, still trying to burrow into the waistband of Punz's jeans. They had never come off, though everything else had.

"Yeah. Um… I kinda figured it would be easier if I just kept my mouth shut and waited for her to leave, instead of turning around and showing your mom my nip-nops."

"True. Like… ugh, I really thought she was you, since I fell asleep next to you… how dumb am I? I was already hugging you, that doesn't make any sense!"

Punz giggled and rolled more fully to embrace her. "Not dumb. Sleepy. It's okay, you know." Then she pressed a very gentle kiss to Anna's nose, eyes dancing with humour. "It was cute, and funny. Don't sweat it, McFly."

"Well…" There was really no point in fighting her on that. Shrugging one shoulder, she drew her girlfriend in for a long hug. "I guess even though my mom had to stare at my boobs while she teased me about screaming last night is still better than how my old mom would have reacted."

At that, she heard another sigh from Punz – this one a lot less amused. "Yeah… not that I know what she's like from personal experience, but… sounds pretty bad."

"Yeah. I'm glad I messed up the timeline thing, I guess. Weird and unhealthy as letting her go down on me was, it kind of… fixed my life. For the most part."

"It hasn't come without some problems though…" Punz commented. Anna shrugged.

"Trust me when I say that this is much better than before."

Punz merely looked at her for a second before saying, "Okay." Just like that. There was an awkward silence shared between them before it became too great, and Punz broke it. "So, breakfast? What do you feel like?"

Chuckling, Anna rolled so she could more properly look at her girlfriend. "You," she said simply before kissing her. Punz didn't have a single complaint.

                                ~ o ~

By the time they actually got out of bed, it was no longer time for breakfast and was actually venturing past brunch and well into a full-fledged lunch. Luckily, Elsa wasn't around to further poke fun at them. Good-natured as it was, Anna preferred to avoid further embarrassment. Which was probably why she still wasn't back yet, to be fair; she could be remarkably perceptive like that.

Once they had dug up some cereal and fixed themselves a couple of bowls, they took turns showering quickly – still a little shy of each other to jump right into sharing a bath like that. Elsa came back while Punz was still finishing in the bathroom, and Anna was seated in the living room watching TV, to give her space. She had a couple of bags of things, and Anna popped up to help her.

"Thank you," she said with a slight smile as they got the bags onto the kitchen counter. "Whoo… sometimes I want to sign up for one of those delivery services, but it just seems like such a waste of money."

"Yeah, I guess." Elsa McFly, even just contemplating not doing something for herself, sounded very odd to her ears.

"How did you two get along while I was gone? Sleep in a bit more?"

"Um, yeah. A little. Then we ate breakf- uhhh, brunch, and Punz is just finishing her shower."

The coy smile was back. She knew it wouldn't stay away for long. "Surprised you didn't join her."

"We thought about it. But… I dunno, we're… taking our time, kind of. Spacing out the big events or whatever."

"I get you." After putting away a loaf of sweet brioche, which Anna didn't even know what that was much less expect her mother to get one, she turned and cupped her cheek. "Please don't feel weird about any of this. I just want you two to feel comfortable here. Safe, accepted."

Anna's eyes fell down. She appreciated the sentiment, and couldn't help the smile that formed when Elsa leaned forward to kiss her softly on the forehead. "Thanks, Mom," she said. "I mean, I don't think we'll be able to talk Mrs Punzel into being this cool. Though I think we'll wait for you to uh… not be here next time."

"Perhaps that would be for the best." The shower stopped running, and Elsa dropped her hands. Giving a smile, she returned to the other side of the counter. "Now, why don't you help your poor old mother put away the groceries?" she asked. Anna snorted.

"Please, Mom, you're not that old. And even if you are, like… daaaaamn."

Instead of admonishing her for cursing, Elsa just winked.

                                ~ o ~

Ten minutes later saw Punz join them, hair damp but drying, wearing a cute outfit that the other version of Jennifer Punzel would never have been caught dead in. There was flannel. It was hot.

"Where'd you get that?" she asked with a slight grin as Elsa brewed them some tea. Punz dropped into a chair at the dinner table with a grin.

"From your closet, dumbass. Why, do you like it?" When Anna nodded, her grin got even wider. "I'm glad."

"It suits you," Elsa said from the kitchen. Punz started a little. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you."

But Jennifer shook her head. "N-nah, it's your house. I just jumped since you were gone when I woke up."

Letting out a soft, contented sigh, Anna reached across the table and took up both of her girlfriend's hands, squeezing them and staring into her eyes. It didn't take very long to see her relax. Then she said, "I should have warned you; that's on me."

"I said it's fine, God!" But she was smiling again. "Anyway, what did I miss?"

"Not much," Elsa called out to them. "Groceries. And you two don't have to feel like you need to hang around here all day just to keep me company; I'd love to entertain you, but I could just as easily get some work around the house done while you're out."

With a light shrug, she asked, "What do you think, Punz?"

Once more, Punz started, though this was more from surprise than shock. It wasn't until Elsa stood in the door to the kitchen, a tea towel in one hand and a wet glass in the other that she started to answer.

"I uh, well," she began. "I don't really- I was thinking… you're cooler than I thought you'd be."

The final few words were said in such a rush that Anna almost missed it. Elsa did not. Her cheeks pinked, a very faint colour that gave away just how pleased she was at the compliment, and her hands stilled. Punz had blushed a little, as well – she probably hadn't meant to tell Elsa at all, but out it came.

Luckily, Anna was there to at least attempt to dispel the awkwardness with a, "So, I guess the 'hang with Mom' votes have it." She gave a grin that tried to be cheeky but was slightly closer to 'uneasy'. It was a combination of the conversation this morning and the way Elsa had held her before that was the cause.

"Well, then," Elsa said, returning to the glass. It was absolutely dry by now, but no one wanted to mention it. "Why don't I finish what I'm doing and you girls can think of something for us to do?"

She didn't wait for a response, instead simply turning on her heel and retreating out of sight. In a much quieter voice, Anna whispered, "You really wanna hang out with my mom? I mean… I'm game for it if you are, but you don't have to just for me. Seriously."

"Nah, it's cool. I mean, she's always seemed like a good mom to you and that kind of thing, but I never… well, she's old. OldER! She's so much older that I didn't expect to enjoy hanging out with her more than with my own mom, I guess."

By that point, Anna was trying not to burst out laughing in her face. Deciding to be productive instead of making Punz feel any worse, she leaned in and kissed her cheek. "It's a good thing. So what do you think? Maybe we all go out to dinner, or… I dunno, bowling? What do you do with your suddenly-not-terrible mom and your girlfriend?"

"Um, you got me. Another movie? But at a theater this time? What did your mom like to do in the 80s?"

'Me,' Anna thought with slight skip over a heartbeat. But she decided that was better left unsaid. "Well, I don't think she'd be interested in another house party. Let's start with going out for lunch and figure it out from there?"

                                ~ o ~

So that's precisely what they did. Simple food at Applebee's, then they ended up popping into a Goodwill for an hour or so. Both Elsa and her daughter could better appreciate some of the 80s styles and artefacts, and Jennifer laughed to watch them with this new shared interest. She sneakily got them an old Bangles vinyl, and they both gushed over it enough to make it clear it had been a good choice.

Anna felt a lot of mixed feelings when her girlfriend emerged from the dressing room wearing a tube top and a leather miniskirt. All she could think of was Elsa, and in the wrong ways. Of course, Elsa's only reaction was to laugh and clap, then remark that the look suited her; she didn't seem to hold those same feelings that it was too reminiscent of their 'affair' from the past. Which only made sense, given those fashion choices had simply been a part of life for her all the time, not specifically tied to a week-long affair.

Then they settled on a bowling alley to cap off their night. As it turned out, Elsa and Kristoff had spent a lot of evenings this way, and she wiped the floor with the younger girls. Maybe she wasn't good enough to go professional, but it was enough to discourage them slightly.

"I'm sorry," the woman was laughing at their dejected faces as they picked at the pizza they had ordered sent to their lane. "Best of five?"

The girls didn't do any better than before, but after the first game neither were actually trying to win. It was all just about having fun – and they did. When Anna slipped on the waxed floor, crashing onto her butt and just sitting there afterward, both Elsa and Punz simply looked at each other for a second before breaking into laughter. Anna had acted affronted, but really she was just grateful that her mother and her girlfriend were getting along as well as they were.

It certainly made the pain in her backside worth it – doubly so when she hobbled over to them, grumbling, and they both tried to make her feel better with hugs and a few light cheek-kisses. It certainly worked.

In the end, Elsa completely annihilated them, but there were no hard feelings whatsoever. Seeing Elsa so full of life wasn't so strange anymore – seeing her actually living was, a bit.

"I kinda wanna do this every weekend," Anna said as they sat down to pull their shoes off.

"Perhaps not every weekend," her mother said with a pleasant smile, taking a moment to rub one of her feet before she slipped her own shoes back on, setting the bowling shoes in the seat next to her. "But now and then, I think it makes for a wonderful change of pace."

Nodding vigorously, Jennifer paused to take a long drink of her soda. "Like, might get boring if we did it all the time. But we could do other stuff! Of course, Merida and Jane might start to get jelly. Or we could invite them along…"

"I don't think that'd work the same way, Punz," Anna laughed.

"Why not?"

"Because… I mean, they don't know about the, um…"

She glanced at Elsa, who was gazing back at her with a knowing gleam. It made her want to kiss her. Even after everything they had been through that weekend, she still felt that slight pull… probably always would. But she could resist. That was what she was learning, thanks to her mother's years of expertise: knowing they wanted to do things, but also knowing it wasn't required.

"Ah… good point," Punz was saying as she finished pulling on her sneakers and standing up. "But hey, they don't know what they're missing."

"Well, thank you very much, Jennifer," Elsa said, and Anna could tell she meant it. The small, sweet smile gave it away. "Now then, I think we should drop you off and head home. Or…"

"Or?"

"Or we could drop by a frozen yoghurt stand before we call it a night?"

There was no complaint from either girl. The cheeky smile on Elsa's face was infectious, and only a little unexpected now. It seemed that Punz wasn't the only one surprising Anna. If she has to guess, she'd say that Elsa also enjoyed spending time with Jennifer.

The thought made sure her smile didn't vanish, and it remained on her face all the way to the local froyo place. It was new – at least, it hadn't existed in the other McFly timeline. It was a cute place, too; kitsch and cozy, It was also quite empty. The only other person around was a bored, bespectacled teenager who frankly seemed a little too excited that they finally had customers.

Punz chose a seat close to the window – not that much could be seen. The sun had set and Anna hadn't realised how late it had become. The time had flown by so effortlessly while she'd been surrounded by her girlfriend and her mother. It was nice. Really, it was better than she had dared to dream.

The good feeling followed them both all the way back to the Punzel house, and was only very slightly marred by Anna having to say goodbye to her for the day. Tomorrow, they would be in class together.

On the way home, Anna leaned her head on Elsa's shoulder and she wasn't pushed away. She felt her mother tense for a moment, but then relaxed easily enough, even leaning over to press a gentle kiss into the top of her head. The perfect weekend.

Back at the house, Elsa immediately went for the bedroom, and Anna understood. This was pretty late for both of them given how early they needed to be up. She wanted to ask if they could snuggle for a while, but they both knew what that could lead to. Maybe it was best that they not.

Still, her head was filled with memories of how good Punz had made her feel as she got ready and slipped into her own sheets. Ones she was going to cherish forever.

                                ~ o ~

"Okay, be honest. Now that we're alone… you really had fun?"

Punz rolled her eyes as they made their way down the hall. "I said I did, didn't I? Your mom's pretty great. She was before, but like, she also did that mom thing where they act like you're 'too young' to hang out with them. But I think… this was how she would be all along. The Elsa McFly I know, anyway; couldn't say anything about the one you grew up with.

Anna couldn't say much about that version, either. But, it seemed as though Punz wanted something, and how could Anna refuse her? The mere fact that Punz was accepting all of this as true was a miracle unto itself; providing details was the least she could do.

"She was…nice. When she was sober, which wasn't often. I think- well, it felt like she blamed me for how crummy her life had been, but I think now she just hated herself…"

A memory surfaced: walking out the front door on a cold Saturday, Elsa crying, watching her go. Anna had said she'd be back, had promised. She hoped that version of Elsa no longer existed. That she wasn't part of a sad alternate timeline. She hadn't been a great mom, or even a really great person. But maybe she still deserved a bit of peace…

"Do you think it would be weird for me to say… that I feel more like my real mom died, and this is like, her aunt? Like an aunt that acts a lot like my mom, because they grew up together, but isn't my mom?"

Punz was staring at Anna with wide eyes. As a few kids passed them in the hall, she steered Anna over to the water fountain and lowered her voice. "Maybe weird. But the situation is weird, so like, I don't think any worse of you for feeling that way. She's not the woman who raised you; I mean, she is, but she's not. Crazy."

"Yeah, pretty crazy."

"Not that you're crazy, or she is. Just the situation. You got that part, right?"

Smiling, Anna caught up her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Yeah. Hear you loud and clear. So you really want to hang out with us again next weekend? Not just say 'hi' to her and then we go do our own thing?"

"Well… I would like to do our own thing. Especially if that means me doing you." The huge grin made Anna dip her head slightly and fight to suppress a giggle. "But maybe we can kinda do what we did this weekend; hang out with her but have time to ourselves in there somewhere."

"I like that plan. And we'll have to figure out what else we can do besides bowling. I mean, stuff that a pushing-fifty mom would be okay doing, so probably not hitting the club."

"We can't even hit the club," she snorted. "Not without wearing the 'I'm a baby' marks on the backs of our hands to keep us from boozing it."

"Would that be so bad?" Anna asked. Punz's smile dropped just a fraction.

"Oh… oh yeah… wow, I'm sorry, I didn't mean t-"

"But!" Anna interrupted her, just as the first bell rang, "we can still do things like… ice skating and movies and stuff. And clubbing, if that's something you want to do without boozing?"

The sudden mass of students tramping through the hall meant that Punz couldn't answer properly. And besides, Mr Weselton was suddenly very interested in the bubbler and was most definitely not keeping an eye on the two girls standing next to it. One red-haired devil in particular.

Punz didn't seem to notice him, and gave an easy smile instead. Glancing at the toupeéd teacher, Anna cleared her throat. She would have loved to keep chatting, but another detention wasn't worth it.

"I'll see you later?" Anna asked, opening her arms and leaning forward. The hug was completely circumvented when Punz managed to duck her arms and instead plant a kiss on her cheek.

"Sure thing," she said as her feet carried her down the hallway. "I'll see you at lunch!"

A dazed smile on her face, Anna waved her goodbye. She was very nearly late to class. Nearly.

                                ~ o ~

Unfortunately, Anna had a ton of homework that evening, so she skipped hanging out with Punz right away. Ordinarily, she might have blown it off, but she felt like she owed it to this reality's Anna to keep her grades up now. Maybe it was also partly that she had enjoyed so much of her weekend that she didn't want to risk bad karma taking over.

All in all, she was satisfied when she shoved her books back into her bag. Not anything that would win an award but satisfactory for an average student. Therefore, she didn't feel bad that she was watching TV when Elsa got home.

"Oh, there she is," she sighed tiredly as she dropped her purse next to the coat rack, then walked into the kitchen. She looked very well put-together in her grey suit with its pleated skirt, but also like she was ready to not be as soon as possible.

"Here I is." The laugh from the kitchen was weak but at least it was a laugh. "How was your day, dear?"

"It was lovely, husband. Just long." The smirk from their banter was still on her face when she reappeared with a bottle of water. Anna couldn't help saying a silent prayer of thanks that it wasn't bottle of Jack.

"Come sit."

"Can't, I have to get dinner started."

"Nah," she urged, waving her hands at her mother to join her on the couch. "Just a couple minutes. I'm not super hungry."

"You might not be, but I certainly am," Elsa said. Still, she walked over and plonked next to Anna, giving a grateful groan as she kicked off her shoes. Anna grinned.

"How was your day really?" she asked again. "Full story."

Elsa didn't answer at first – she had just uncapped the bottle and was taking a long swig. The sight was making Anna feel a little thirsty. By the time she finished, half the bottle was gone. Anna didn't give her a chance to re-cap it because she simply plucked it from her mother's hands and began drinking the rest. It seemed to take Elsa a moment to gather herself before she could answer.

"O-oh, you know the drill. Paperwork. Clients." But Anna shook her head.

"I don't. What do you do? Because the other Elsa… didn't do much…"

"You mean, she didn't have a job?" Elsa clarified, and Anna gave a half-hearted shrug.

"Yeah. No job, or life. She didn't really have friends, either. She left the house for a weekly bingo game that she never won, sometimes went to church if she wasn't hung over, and to do the groceries. We had a freezer cabinet so she'd buy a tonne of frozen lasagnes and pizzas and stuff…"

"Ah… well, that's one style of parenting, I suppose." She didn't say whether or not she approved or disapproved of her alternate self's methods. Stretching out her legs with a slight groan, she propped them on the coffee table. "I work in real estate. Some of it's on the phone in the office, but I had a lot of running around today. Showed a couple of places."

"A realtor, huh?" That didn't sound much like the young Elsa she knew, but then again, this one was just as dedicated to her family as her own mother. So it was hardly surprising she kind of 'fell into' a job that suited her, rather than choosing one that was her true passion.

"Right," she groaned slowly, sagging down into the couch. "It pays the bills, and I generally like my coworkers. And my hours can be a little flexible, so it's been great for the family. Some days just feel long, that's all." After a moment, she crossed one leg closer and started rubbing at her foot. "Nhh… how was school? How's Jennifer, how's the band?"

Shrugging, she set the empty bottle down on the coffee table. A private smile blossomed on her face; it was nice for her mom to be taking an interest. Very weird still, but nice. "Not bad. Didn't see the band much, but Punz is looking forward to more Elsa-time."

"That's sweet," she laughed, genuinely amused by the thought. "I'm the Cool Mom, I guess. Weird but a good thing."

"Yeah. Um, I could do that for you."

"Do what?" It took several seconds for Elsa to switch conversational gears and realise what her daughter meant, and she laughed. "Oh, no… don't worry about it, I'll be fine. Just give it a few minutes and the aches will subside."

"It's really no big deal," Anna promised her as she reached to start kneading her thumbs into Elsa's sole.

"Mmmm…" Elsa hummed, head falling back and whole body slumping. "Wow that… feels really nice…"

Grinning, Anna didn't bother to respond verbally. Instead, all she did was dig her thumbs in a little harder, untangling the knots that had developed in the tortured appendage.

For a few minutes, the only sound was Elsa's contented sighs as Anna dug into the sole of her foot. Anna had been right – it was no big deal. That very thought seemed to have Elsa relaxing further, simply enjoying the relief. But then Anna began moving her hand up, working into the arch of Elsa's foot. The sound of pleasure she gave was no longer a sigh – it was a moan.

A very familiar-sounding one. Both women paused for a moment, faces red as they stared at one another. And then Anna did it again. The sound Elsa made shot straight to her core, and she almost wanted to cry out herself. She wanted to let Elsa know how it made her feel. But Elsa didn't want to know, so she said nothing. If asked, she could attribute this to not knowing – after all, Elsa wasn't exactly telling her to stop. Quite the contrary, actually.

"Anna!" Elsa gasped, and it was probably supposed to be an admonishment. It wasn't – the way Elsa's voice quivered, holding the vowels and squirming… it really wasn't.

"It's just a foot rub, Mom," Anna said softly. Perhaps the use of her title and not her name helped, because Elsa wasn't as loud for a moment. Or… maybe it was because she was the only one acting in such a way and felt too conspicuous with it pointed out.

As Anna swapped feet, not wanting to focus too much on one side, she reflected for a moment on how much of a difference it made to Elsa when she used her name as opposed to her title. And vice versa, with "Tori". She idly wondered why it mattered so much to her; was she really so hard to distinguish from Tori, the girl of her mother's dreams, the one who got away? Elsa kept saying that they could "get past this" or "get over it" but the more Anna tested her, the more it became apparent that, for Elsa at least, the opposite had been true. And now here she was, on the receiving end of an increasingly-erotic foot massage.

"Ahhh… agahgod." The moans were returning. She pressed in again, her thumb slipping right into the sensitive area under the arch of Elsa's foot. "Ohhhhh, To-"

Elsa sat bolt upright, tearing her foot out of Anna's hands, her face flush and mildly mortified. "Anna!" she said hotly. "I… we… Jennifer!" she mumbled, as if that somehow constituted an objection, an admonishment and a complete sentence.

"You're thinking about Jennifer at a time like this?" Anna quipped, to hide her sinking heart – even if it was still pounding with adrenaline. "Besides, like I said, it's only a massage. Don't get so…"

It wasn't much of a defense. They both knew how it sounded, even though it was supposed to be something purely innocent. But Elsa was already clearing her throat and taking several deep breaths, trying to get herself back under control.

"Alright… alright." Pressing a hand into her face for a moment, she then began to laugh very weakly. "Ohhhh, this is impossible. It's impossible!"

"What's impossible? Oh, here, just… stop…" Frustrated with her own inability to say what she meant, Anna just grabbed for Elsa's foot and began to knead again.

"ANNA! Stop, just… mmhhh, it's so good though…"

For a minute, she merely bit her lip and fought down making any further sounds. Anna found herself doing the same; it was really difficult. She had been hoping to prove to both of them that they could handle a simple massage, especially one somewhere as silly as a foot; it wasn't like she was massaging her back while she was nude under a towel! But somehow, her thumbs grinding into her mother's toe joints turned out just as bad. She would have thought it was a ludicrous idea if she wasn't living it at that exact moment.

"Ooh… okay, I think… I'm better," Elsa finally whimpered. By that point, she had fully turned on the couch and was reclining with her feet in Anna's lap. "I'm so sorry… overreacting, I didn't mean…"

"I know," Anna whispered with a slight smile. "Seriously… I totally get it. We're just going to have to get used to stuff like that, right? Like you were saying." Not that she fully believed that, but she was trying her best.

Elsa bit her lip and nodded. "I uh… I should probably get dinner sorted," she finally said, scrambling away. "I better- better go do that…"

Heart falling again briefly, Anna nodded back. She wasn't really hungry anymore, but realised that Elsa needed an out. Watching through the door as her mother fretted about the kitchen, it became startlingly obvious that she needed to… feel like a mother again.

God, what were they doing? And why weren't they doing more? It was fast becoming obvious that what they were doing was not working, and that really only left them with two options: give into their feelings, or see a psychiatrist. And really, only one of those options was even plausible because Elsa completely refused to entertain the thought of the other.

"Mom…" Anna began, softly. Elsa ignored her. "Mom!" she tried again, and Elsa froze for just a second. When she finally looked up, it was with incredible hesitancy.

"Yes, Anna?" Elsa said. Succeeded in not reminding Anna of her 17-year-old counterpart, so that was a plus, she supposed.

Anna couldn't do it. She couldn't demand anything of her mother, not like this. No matter how she felt herself. The timing was not at all right; the poor woman looked so fragile, as if she needed to be domestic right now to keep from drowning in self-flagellation and anxiety. Swallowing, she looked away for a second. "I just… you look really nice. Happy, I mean."

Elsa smiled, small and grateful. "Thank you, Anna," she said, and she obviously meant it. She also seemed happy that Anna hadn't said anything else. Perhaps she knew what was on her daughter's mind. Either way, she didn't mention it. Instead, she brushed straight past it, and the still-lingering awkwardness of earlier. "Now, did you want curry or stroganoff for dinner tonight?"

"Hmm…" Anna hummed, silently still amazed they weren't defrosting a handful of Lean Cuisines. "Stroganoff. Pasta sounds better than rice, I think."

"Stroganoff it is," Elsa agreed. "Now, come and give your poor mother a hand. I can't chop the onions without crying, so I'll need you to take that bullet for me."

There was an easy banter as they prepped the meal, even though the onion fume had them both sobbing into the food – at least until it was cooked. Though all the while, something was slightly different about Elsa's demeanor. She was happy, and cheerful, and joking as she always did. But in between those moments, Anna would catch a sadness in her eyes that had been gone for the past week. Only existing right after they first realised what they were to each other in the present day.

Tori and Elsa. The starcrossed lovers that could never reunite. Anna half still wanted to throw herself at her mother and worry about the consequences later, because she seemed to need her the same way she needed to be domestic a moment ago. But that would go against her wishes. It wasn't easy, but she was trying to respect those as much as she could.

Once they had eaten, Anna worked up the courage to try again. But she decided to approach it differently than the random accusation she had going to fling at her mother. It was unfair, after all, but she couldn't just stay silent.

"So…" Elsa stiffened slightly as she rinsed off the dishes to go into the dishwasher, hands slowing down to a snail's pace. "Um, I'm sorry about earlier. But I think it got to be pretty okay toward the end, right? Like… we worked past the… weirdness?"

"Of course, Anna," she said with a slight smile. "Guess I just have sensitive tootsies. It's no one's fault, really."

Nodding, her daughter took the next stack and began putting them in the dishwasher. "Right. But I liked doing that for you. Making you feel good in a…" She gave a little chuckle. "Well, I was gonna say 'non-sexual way', but maybe a less-sexual way? Um, it was…"

"It was," Elsa admitted, eyes going distant as she thought back on it. "I don't know where you learned to do that. Not from me."

"Punz gave me a footrub once. I didn't react to it the way you did, though. But like… I was just kinda guessing. I really did a good job?"

"You really did."

And Anna believed her. Because by now, her mother had taken off her suit jacket, and she could see very vague shapes standing at strong relief on her peaks through the fabric of her blouse.

Had she done it on purpose? Reason told Anna the Elsa hadn't – that she didn't realise exactly what she was giving away. But further examining of her logic said something different. Elsa had to know how her body had reacted. This wasn't something that could simply be blamed on the weather. She wondered how often Elsa thought of Tori. Had she truly reconciled the fact that Tori and Anna were one and the same? Or was she like Anna – knowing they were, but her body reacted as though they were two separate beings. Is that how Elsa had managed to move past the 'I ate out my daughter' guilt?

But… perhaps Elsa hadn't moved past it. A scenario Anna hadn't quite fully envisioned before popped into her head: Elsa knew how her body was reacting, and yet she was ignoring it. Ignoring it because if she didn't… if she acknowledged it… then she would also have to acknowledge that Anna made her feel this way. Continued to make her feel like that, despite now knowing who they were to each other. How strong this reaction proved to be, even after all her work to bury it.

Anna was tired of the games. Tired of dancing around her feelings – of not being able to even admit them – because Elsa didn't want to hear it. She had put up a wall and refused to let anything past it. It wasn't fair. She wanted… she wanted either her mother, as only her mother… or else she wanted Elsa, all of her. The problem was that she kept being given little tastes of what more they could be if they only pushed past the taboo, past their reservations.

The problem was that Elsa would never be just her mother. Not anymore.

                                 TO BE CONTINUED… 

[sadb0ysims]

THE SIMSELF TAG featuring yours truly and her wonderful assistant, antoinette

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? mia and thats all ur getting out of me

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? oh god we have some embarrassing ones but jordan and jords are nicknames of mine and u might be able to guess the other obvious ones dgjhfdj

3. BIRTHDAY? february 25th babey

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? OH uhh princess diaries by meg cabot probably

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? not to sure about those funky alien dudes but ehh yeah i believe in ghosts

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? i’d say michael morpurgo but that’s probably because his books were shoved down my throat at an early age DKJDFGJ if you can have a favourite poet i can answer this: atticus and lang leav

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? radio one probably!!

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? the purple one. like, starburst? purple. wine gum? purple

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? being the millenial i am probably Uh...li...litty

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? OH Hm i’d say ocean eyes by billie eilish

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? Hm!

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO?  copycat by billie eilish!!

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? LIE TO ME IS THE UNDER APPRECIATED SERIES OF THE CENTURY

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? oh uhh i don’t watch films a lot and especially not if i’m feeling?? sad

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? never heard of them

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? OH jesus lets say. being forgotten or making no difference in the world

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? oh Jesus not a lot of these GJFDH over the past mm month or so i’d say i’ve grown a lot as a person in the fact that i have more respect for myself than i used to, and if i have an opinion on something i evaluate it and decide Do People Really Need To Know? (DPRNTK)

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? EASY my weird. defense mechanism thing. i’ve gotten a bit better in my opinion but the reason i’m usually in so much trouble is because as soon as i’m attacked, i act with anger? its some weird defensive wall that i put up and regret later because i’m not really thinking like a rational person. i just see that i’m being attacked and my first thought is to fight back

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? OH cats because i haven’t had one in ages. one of our cats was run over and the other was taken by our neighbours and now he doesn’t even remember us or respond to his name so thats really fun

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? SUMMER because my skin turns olive in the summer and right now. a bitch is pale! also school is so much nicer in the summer... the whole yeargroup feels like much more of a community because we all sit together outside n it’s just overall very fun and makes me nostalgic of year 7

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? bitch u really thought-

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? still in it but. because of a lot of things i was forced to grow up very fast. something i miss is having everyone in the house (my siblings are both a lot older than me so they’re never around) and not having to worry about fitting into certain stereotypes or WASHING MY HAIR!!!!!

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? oh god ok so i have a “best friend” but we don’t. agree on a lot of things and she takes everything i say 100% seriously so even though we’re not close i’d consider this group of boys from my school my best friends. and online ofc i have Many Many good friends which i would name but i dont wanna leave anyone out bc i talk to A Lot of people DGHDFJ

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? blue blue blue

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? blonde babey

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? my brother

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? would say myself but sometimes i’m not even sure i can trust HER

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? i think about people loads because im a lonely romantic so. i’d say Love Interest and i think about myself a whole lot too like who does this bitch think she is

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? all the time i’m looking forward to things bc. not a whole lot happens in my life so if Love Interest looks at me a certain way i’ll look forward to going to school for the next couple weeks FDJGHFDJ

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? i think of the future way too much. she’s a dreamer

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? oh god uhhh i used to cry at in the night garden all the time when it ended bc i hated that iggle piggle sailed away on his boat DJHFD it was probably still my favourite though

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? i had a best friend who moved away after year seven and i feel like i could but. who knows we haven’t seen each other for years

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? sigh i think so like does it count if my tarot deck says not to do something because. i trust those tarot bitches with all my soul if i have one

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? don’t like the dark, i have a fear of holes, can’t sleep without the door open, can’t sleep when i can see in a mirror (fun fact theres a mirror in my room but it’s on a shelf which i can barely see at night like. i can see a glimpse. but knowing it’s there freaks me out so its flipped and has something covering it)

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? oh ummmm in front i guess because 1. i look horrible in photos other people have taken of me 2. technically being in front of it. you can still take selfies and 3. the people i know take pictures from really weird angles

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? we love a bit of vidya games but i love reading poetry because i’m a whore and also i like singing but that doesn’t mean im good at it!

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? UHHH god i really dont read uhh probably lullabies by lang leav

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? romeo and juliet (the blessed one featuring young leo dicaprio)

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? i can play the guitar, the recorder, a bit of the piano

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? GIRAFFES it’s really sad that they’re now endangered. if ur talkin domestic pets i love guinea pigs, cats and (i’ve never had them but rats

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? don’t. this’ll turn into a follow forever and i won’t get any clout bc it’s in such a long post !

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? OH hm. i thought as hard as my tiny brain could about this and i think teleportation would be interesting but if we can choose ANY superpower. is magic one? that’d b pretty wack

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? when i’m walking to school at half 7 in the morning and no one’s there and i can hear the trees lining the field rustling in the wind in the distance. it was rainng this morning and even though my whole ass was exposed from the wind and i was soaking it was really peaceful. also there’s a red kite that’s resident to our school field and i love to stand there in the morning and watch it sometimes

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? feeling included DGJHDJ doesn’t happen a whole lot

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? i play a lot of sports because i’m in school obviously but i’m really good at rugby bc a bitch is Tactical and Nimble. i love hockey and badminton and stuff though

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? i LOVE smoothies and milkshakes and everything ugh. i’d be bold enough to say i love drinks more than i love food. like apple juice orange juice MIXED juice smoothies BROWN BAG MILKSHAKES! BITCH! THE STRAWBERRY ONE IS SO GOOD UGH

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? oh jesus um. 4 years ago

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? fuck yeah brother

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? UGH A LOT OF THINGS like. people biting their nails. people tapping their foot on my chair. people not listening when you’re explaining something THEY needed help with. tapping a pen on a desk or clicking it on and off

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? nop

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? my mother is a vegetarian so i eat a lot of vegetarian meals. sometimes i get really put off meat but like. a bitch is 13 and doesn’t pay for her own meals so she doesn’t really get a say in what she eats

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? always wanted to entertain people and be nationally recognised. take that as u will

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? TOO MANY let’s go... the arcana so i can marry the 1 (one) love of my life dr julian ilyushka devorak... chill in the hanged man’s realm...

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? i don’t worry about a lot not gonna lie to u

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? cheers i’ll drink to that broe

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? if the screeching sound i make to a slight tune counts as singing then. yes

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? not illegally but i’ve had days off sick where i wasn’t sick bc i couldn’t be asked

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? alone

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? somewhere safe

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? yeah i have a dog and a cat but as i said m cat got taken by my neighbours and doesn’t even remember us so sjfhdjg

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? night owl but if i’m rested well enough i love being up early

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? sunsets

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? no a bitch is 13

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? probably headphones bc i can’t lose them and the sound quality is better but i’m not a MONSTER so earphones. also headphones automatically make old people scoff at u and hate u more

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? nah

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? whatever’s poetic enough to be On Brand

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? don’t really have one

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? no

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? the holier than thou attitude Often showcased on simblr by some. familiar faces

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? it doesn’t really make a difference

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? computer science (mainly for the people because right now we’re just making fucking. powerpoints) or english bc of the people again

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? yee a brother and a sister

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? christmas presents and some perfume & a purse for me

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5′4

75. CAN YOU COOK? not well

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? attention DFJHGSDJ uhh being kind to people who deserve it and hard work paying off

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? patronization, people who believe their opinion is the only opinion and people who cause minor inconveniences for you for no reason

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? more female probably but i prefer guys

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? i say bisexual but no one’s ever been close enough to let me find out

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? party in the UK

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? kyla rosymiel

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? UHHH i really can’t remember i know me and kyla were talking about something and i started crying JGFHDGJ

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? oh god umm probably smii7y but i also really like all his friends like. kryoz etc

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? when i look good FJDHSJD

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? would say tumblr but she’s gone ! right now i’m really feeling zepeto bc It May Be Tracking Me but it lets me take pics with all my online friends and i have some sort of weird following on there SDFHSDJ

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? i don’t think i’ll ever be able to fully confide in them, i really like my dad but there’s elements of him that don’t really float my boat. same with my mum but i’m less close with her

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? probably australian or. is it swiss? might be swiss.

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? france and ofc america

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 4

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? with like 2 things skdghsd

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? not really but i believe in a higher power of some sort and a life after death. i believe there’s something out there that is listening but i prefer to think it’s the stars

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OF THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? i find the ocean really ineresting but man will always romanticise space

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? im a 13 year old white girl how ruthless can i be

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? sesame seeds

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? nop but everyone else in my family can

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? nope

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? whenever i realise

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? forest

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? i lie all the time but i am. SO terrible ASJDFHJ i would love to lie less but it’s so easy to slip into one

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? gryffindor

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? hell yea brother

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? kyla put ambivert so i looked that up and. yeah

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? did when i was younger but i guess tumblr is somewhat of a personal diary

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? depends

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? turn it in most likely

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? “yes, but you should never forget about their past” thanks kyla

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? only monsters aren’t

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? nope

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? i have my ears pierced. WILD i know

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? UGH FUCK DR JULIAN ILYUSHKA DEVORAK!! it’d be illegal for him to marry anyone but me though

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? yep! i have a tattoo on my back. i plan on getting a lot more tattoos in the future, but i don’t want anymore in the near future

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? being outspoken and not. watching things pass by

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? of course

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? nopee

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? oof i really don’t know because of what’s happened to me i don’t know if i could knowing i could never protect them from everything. idk pregnancy seems very nice but once the kid gets annoying thats It for me

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? “i think everyone is smart in their own way” thanks kyla

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? i started laughing once in drama and i pissed myself a lil and i was like ehh thats fine i do that all the time and then i didnt stop pissing and someone was like ‘whats that wet on the floor? they were like mia have u pissed urslef i was like nOSDJF so i had to ask the teacher to leave. u coiuld see the piss down my leg

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? have u SEEN these bags. she’s seen hell 

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOUR CLOTHES? like varying tones of beige and then grey/black

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? of course

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? oh uhhh i feel like maybe when i was younger but i’ve. repressed that memory if i have it

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 13 years young

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? oh jesus something poetic and by atticus probably let’s see

after spending more time searching for a quote than i did on literally this whole tag, i decided on this. and then i realised. it will always be ‘YOU ARE A SAD BOY’

[roninishere]

My Recovery ∆ three ∆

(I don’t own this, but Renee and Jon was ffsdfkjghkggr adorable)

WARNING: Baby Birdie cuteness and word count 3,416; sorry :)

Please excuse my horrible grammar and spelling

Table of Contents? 

My Recovery

 ∆ ∆

    Colby Lopez woke up the next morning with a mild headache, but he had, had worse. It took to him a couple of moments to remember what had transpired the night before, and when he did, he smiled. It had to have been one of best nights ever within the last three years since he betrayed his Shield brothers.

    While trying to rebuild that trust for many of those friendships bonds he broke, he knew he had to be happy and surround himself with positivie people. And she was one of those people.

   Despite remembering how big of an asshole he was to her backstage when she gave him the script or ending for that storyline or match when he was in his dark times, there was just something about her that made him feel good and that guy he was before he let his head get too big.

    Colby Lopez didn’t want to be that guy ever again, and he would do everything in his power to ensure he wouldn’t hurt the ones he cared about or cared about him.

Checking his phone; it read 7:12 AM, nopped up, and a text from Jon sent ten minutes ago.

                                 [ IMESSAGE ]

                             Jon the Lunatic 💀

Jon the Lunatic 💀

Get up lazy ass! Come down and join us for breakfast!

                                                                                                        Colby 💪

                                                                     Ugh, I’m coming, I’ll be done soon

                             ah shit, gotta go and check on Isabella. I’d be there in a bit.

Jon the Lunatic   💀

Huh, speaking of Isabella. I guess Bayley saw you enter Bellas room last night and people are talking. Now rumor is you two slept together…

           Burying his face in his pillow, he groaned so loudly hating how he couldn’t support a FEMALE coworker without someone spread some rumor. This is exactly what he didn’t want. He had bad history with women, and he never wants someone like Isabella be dragged into his bad track record.

                                                                                                         Colby 💪

                                                                  Fuck dude, she was throwing up, and I felt bad so I held her hair back and made sure she was okay in her room. I swear that’s it.

Jon the Lunatic 💀

Hey, I believe you man. You look at her differently than Zahra and Leighla. Just wanted to warn you and Isabella. Locker room gossip.

                      ��                                                                              Colby 💪

                                            Thanks man, I appreciate it. See you in about fifteen.

Jon the Lunatic 💀

Yeah yeah, hurry up we’re starving. Slow ass.

        Rolling out of bed, Colby got ready in black sweats and one of his Black and Brave t-shirts. His hair was tied up in a half way neat bun before he went downstairs to grab something heading to Isabella’s room.

    Knocking hard and hallow a couple of times, he heard a faint ‘Coming!’ after the fourth knock.

    When she finally opened the door, she had her arm propped on the handle of her wheelchair leaning her head on her hand as she rolled her forehead with a groan.“Morning,” Colby could tell she was experiencing a crazy headache. She was so wasted last night, and now she was now regretting it. She repiled with a morning back, but he knew that look. The I hate myself for drinking so much look “Bad headache?”

  Giving him a nod, she moved over so he could enter as he dropped some aspirins in her hand “Here take this,” He brought a chair in from behind him catching her attention “I, urm, remember you saying last night that you fell in the shower so I thought a chair would be easier?”       Shocked. The woman was shocked. He brought the chair for her? He remember something small like that from last night? Oh sweet. “Oh, thank you Colby. I was thinking about how I was going to figure that out,” He came in observing she was in the clothes he put her in.

    “No problem, I’ll put it in there for you. I was going to catch some breakfast with Jon…If you want, I can wait for you to-urm… shower and joins us?”

     Her brain hurt to even think right now, but why the hell not? “Sure, give me ten, make yourself comfortable.”

     "Got it boss.“ He joked before he sat in the computer chair when he was unexpectedly hit with a pillow she threw at him laughing at the fact he really called her boss.

   Grabbing some clothes from her suitcase, she went into the restroom leaving Colby switching through the channels thinking about what Jon told him earlier and felt guilty still knowing he shouldn’t be getting close to her but he couldn’t help himself. He felt gravity was pulling him to her everytime.

   'That sounds ridiculous Colby,’ He told himself before Isabella rolled out with a maroon long sleeve with a bull in the middle and a pair jeans on and sunglasses giving him a smile "Alright, let’s get some food. I’m starving.”

    Leading her out, he walked along her side with peaceful silence before she broke it “Thanks for last night, and checking up on me this morning. I know I’m a little ridiculous when I’m wasted.”

   "Ah, you weren’t even that bad, really,“ He assured "besides, you’re pretty great, I had a lot of fun.”      As did she. Realizing they were inching towards the elevator, he stopped in his tracks causing her to stop and turn to him “Colby? You okay?”

   "I-I gotta tell you something,“ he started "when I came in your room last night-”

   "Someone saw and the word is we slept together?“ How did she…? "Lexi gave me a heads up.”

   'Lexi, makes sense’ he rubbed the back of his neck saying “Look, I get it if you don’t want to-” “Colby, I don’t give a fuck about what any of them think. Just same old locker room gossip.”

   Phew, thank god. He thought as he shrugged seeing the rare smile tug on her lips “Okay, well come on then slow poke, I’m starving too.”

  Jon was sitting in the lobby in the usual Jon Good attire, jeans, T-shirt, and a leather jacket. He admitted himself that he had a hangover, but he didn’t give a shit, he had a blast the night before. Since Renee had to stay for smackdown Live, she insisted that they’d have breakfast before she had to to the arena later on.

    “So after Smackdown Live, I’ll fight out to Dallas and you come pick me up?”

   WWE had Renee traveling a lot between the towns Raw was to Smackdown Live and directly to their Pay-per-view. It sounded exhausting to him, but damn Renee didn’t let it phase her at all. This woman was all go no stop.

   "Yeah, of course I’ll come get you, as long as we get breakfast.“

   Grinning, she agreed "Deal.”

 ∆  

   "Aye, wow Isabel, you look-“ "Like shit yeah, I was going for that look.” She chuckled knowing Renee wasn’t going to say that, but why not break out some jokes?

   "No, of course not,“ Renee chuckled as well "I was gonna say I love the jacket.”

   Renee and Jon stood up as Colby and Isabella followed behind “Why thank you then, I regret drinking as much as I did.”

   "You look fine! Besides, you’ll feel better after I tell you this,“ Renee paused making Isabella look up curious "Brianna and Nicole are meeting up with us.”

   Jon didn’t mind the twins, them and Renee were super entertaining. Colby hadn’t seen either really since the weekend of Wrestlemania 31 when Brie retired and Nikki was rehabing from her neck surgery.

   This made Isabella stop before asking “Will Birdie be there?”

    “I love how you say the Bella’s are coming and her first question is will Brie’s baby be there.”

   Isabella shrugged “Come on, I’m a sucker for babies.”

   Oh god Renee knew that for a fact “I’m well aware of that, remember at Mania when AJ Styles brought his kids backstage? I swear you screamed so loud.”

   "That was you screaming at Mania?“ Colby asked remembering that random scream and figured it was some of the women wrestlers happy, but now it makes sense. He chuckled when she admitted it was "So you like kids?”

   "I do. I might kidnap Birdie.“ She joked before nudging him with her elbow before feeling her cheeks flare up with how embarrassed she kind of was about her love for children, all children.

   By the moment he was learning something new about her. This fact however; was adorable. She loves kids. She’s nearly fangirling over the fact Birdie Joe Danielson will be at breakfast not about seeing some of her closest friends.

∆

   "Aye! There they are!” Jon cheered with some much enthusiasm-sorry mean sarcasm.

   Renee squealed seeing her girlfriends and the newest little addition to the group as she did this little cute trot engulfing them in a hug. Jon and Colby being gentlemen, gave them side highs greeting them leaving Isabella very excited.

   "Girly! Oh my god, how are you?“ Brie and Nicole came over and hugged the woman obviously aware of her situation so happy to see her with a huge smile.

   Hugging them tightly, she answered "I’m good,” her eyes then were glued to the cutest baby she had ever seen “This must be Birdie.”

   "See! I told you she’d be all into Birdie!“ Nicole took her seat as Brie handed her daughter to Isabella.

   "I knew she would.” Isabella’s eyes lit up as soon as she got the baby in her hands. This felt so right to her. There was just something about babies and kids that made her whole.

   "Hello little one, do you remember me? Auntie Bella?“ Birdie was comfortably sitting on her lap tightly squeezing Isabella’s index finger smiling at the unfamiliar woman.

   Colby watched the interaction between Isabella and Birdie, and wow, that picture right there seemed to fit perfectly. Nicole nudged her twin sister Brie motioning her head over at Colby’s look on the baby and woman. It was super cute.

  The twins were onto somethin’ here. Nicole started off "Colby! How have you’ve been?”

   He quickly looked away turning his attention to across the table clearing his throat “I’m doing great actually, feeling really good. How about you, how’s the neck, oh and the wedding?”

   "My neck is healing slowly, I’m trying to come back with Brie next year. Hopefully my neck will be a hundred percent, and as for the wedding! I feel more and more like a little girl on Christmas, but every day! Oh Bella! I’m gonna send invitations out soon! Do you want a plus one?“

   Plus one? Who the hell would she take if Renee is taking Dean? Well, Colby could come…right? Eh, she could ask him later. "Urm sure, why not. I’ll find someone to tag with me.” She then turned her attention to the waiter quickly deciding on what to eat, oops, distracted by the little cute baby “What should I eat Birdie?”

   "You should go with her Colby! I promise you’ll have plenty of fun!“

   As Isabella gave the waiter her order, she handed Birdie back to Brie hearing Colby’s response "Maybe I will, unless you got a hot date already in mind?”

   Scoffing at his comment, hot date? Who the hell was she gunna take with her that was even comparable hot to Colby? “Hot date? Psh, no,” She gave in chuckling with the others “I’d actually love if you could accompany me.”

   "Aye brotha, you can suffer with me.“ Jon joked putting his hands defensively when Nicole shot a glare at him and Renee smacked his arm.

  There was a reason why Renee and Jon got married in Vegas.

    "Oh hell yeah!” Colby reached over and fist bumped Jon.

∆

   As everyone was eating, in middle was grabbing some eggs with her fork when a bolt of pain shot down from her arm to her hand causing her to completely drop her fork. She grabbed the attention of others at the table who had concern looks on their faces when she gave a painful smile.

   "Sorry,“ She blinked confused freaking out a bit inside when she lost some feeling in her hand. Her lips spread to a thin line as she tried to regain the feelimg taking about a minute "Got it.”

   Nicole looked at Brie remembering that happened to Bryan a couple of years ago. Brie, who could see her friend in frustrating pain, she was concern “You alright Isabella? I know the same thing happened to Bryan, and it’s scary.”

    “I’m good, that’s hasn’t happened before.” She took her fork of food in her mouth.

   Hasn’t happened before? That’s not good. “Did the doctors say anthing about that happening?”

   "No, Hunter and Stepahine recommended some great doctors in New York, so I have an appointment next month around Summerslam.“ She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t nervous about what news they were going to present her. Life changing news perhaps.

   Seeing as Isabella really didn’t want to discuss that topic, the twins changed the subject interrogating Renee and Jon of how it is in Las Vegas.

   The rest of breakfast went smooth, and Isabella was a bit sad it was over; she loved listening to them talk. They all had these interesting awesome lives compared to hers.

   "Oh Bella, I’m gunna miss you! Promise me you’ll say in touch? If you want someone to come with you to your appointment, I’ll be there in a heartbeat.” Nicole had an idea what her friend was going through, and Isabella supported Nicole attending some of her appointments as well.

   Hugging the Fearless one, she smiled “Thanks Nicole, I promise I’ll stay in touch.”     Going over to hug Brie and Birdie bye, Nicole hugged Colby quietly saying “Keep an eye on her for me? You were giving her heart eyes earlier.” His eyes widened, not thinking that anyone had noticed.   ‎    "Oh you saw that?“ He nervously rubbed the back of his neck as she gave him the 'you like her’ look as he let out a nervous laugh "I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

   Rolling her eyes she sighed “Sure you don’t, just keep an eye out. Let me know if she starts acting different. I know she’s just faking it, you know what I mean? She’s having a hard time.”

   "I got her, and yeah. I understand that,“ By that time, everyone was ready to go "take care Nicole. Bye Brie, bye Birdie.” He waved at the little baby as the two groups departed.

   Having some time to kill, they made their up the shopping strips as Renee was entertaining everyone.

    “Ooh Jon, let’s look through this store.” It was some lingerie store that Isabella immediately was backing away from not wanting any part of that.

  Glancing around to see what was around, the Just Sports shop caught her attention as a light bulb lit up, “Just Sports?”

   "Yeah, sure why not.“ They walked over to the shop and entered seeing how much NFL gear they had.

   "Bears fan right?” She recalled passing the Chiago Bear jerseys and shirts as he ruffled through them.

   It was to miss to him walking around backstage with a Bears shirt on especially on Up Up Down. He nodded “Yeah, you like football?”

   "I do actually. Love it,“ When she asked her favorite team, she answered "Eagles.”

  “Oh really? Are you one of those crazy Eagle fans? You from Philly?”

  She shrugged “I can be if someone pushes me to be, and I lived there for a couple of years. My mother was a huge Eagles fan.”

  Colby nodded thinking it was interesting that she liked football, and wasn’t a Patriots or Cowboys fan like a lot of people were now these days.

   Taking a look at the rest of the Chicago Bears gear, his eyes averted to the blonde curls that moved across the store to the Eagles section admiring the different kinds of women designed shirts they had. She searched through them to see if they had her size, they had her size in some of them, but a lot of them would show a lot of cleavage.

   She wasn’t huge in cleavage. Isabella always has had a tough time shopping for clothes, more when it can go to because of how big her boobs where. Shirts either were too tight, or didn’t fit her well making her seem bigger than she was really was. The issue was, she had no self confidence, none, especially right now, so she hides a lot of her body.

   "Maybe in a couple of months.“ She said putting away the incredibly cute Philadelphia Eagles majestic midnight green/ black  draft me v-neck that the male she was accompanied by thought look great on her.

   Still waiting for Renee and Jon to finish up in the lingerie shop, Colby sat down at the bench with Isabella next to him enjoying a bit of the nice weather before it heats up in the desert. They shared small talk here and there before one of them made it super awkward.

    Throughout their talks, he had been open to her about some things that she knew he hadn’t shared with anyone else just by the sound of his voice and but the way he kind of lifted his hands up as if he didn’t know what to do next or if he sounded silly. It was great because it was about some personal things; how he’s trying to regain the trust of his brothers especially from the Big Dog for betraying them and being an asshole, never allow his head to grow that big again, and to be a kind human being.

   So here was her attempt.

   "You know before I took this job, I was offered a big scholarship for Track and I was going to take it. I loved running, it helped me out so much in my life, and I love it to this day. But there’s a point zero zero zero zero one chance I can ever walk again, and it really fucking hurts to know that.

   "I don’t really know what do, you know? Everything’s changed. I don’t know where my happiness is, and really fucking scary because I’m about to be thirty and…” She shrugged knowing that she rambled a bit, but she felt comfortable enough with him to scrabble up her words hoping he’d understand what she meant. She sighed allowing her eyes to wonder about the scene around her, many couples and families around.

   The wrestler completely could see that she was sincere about how she felt, and it makes sense. Losing the ability to walk or run again would be devastating to him; no wrestling, and cross fit.  Things he loved.

  'Think of something moving to say you dumbass’ A voice in his head said. “If there’s one piece of advice I can give you, is you gotta make yourself happy. Happiness is everything, even if you gotta take that chance in your life and even think about getting a new job. Now, I don’t want you to go-” shit did he say that out loud? “But I’ll support you now matter what. Make yourself happy.”   ‎   Allowing a smile to spread across her lips, a real smile, she looked up at him “Thank you. It means a lot.”

   "No problem,“ Seeing Jon and Renee exiting the lingerie store, Colby stood up when the couple joined them.

   No matter what the fans said, Jon and Renee were made for each other, they’re so cute and Isabella couldn’t be happier for them that they’ve stuck together through it all. Jon had his arm around her shoulder giving his wife the love eyes. All so cute. From the looks of it, Renee actually got something for them, and Colby and Isabella picked up on that quickly.

  "Well, I was gunna go looked around town and hit the gym before we leave later for Texas, care to join me Belle?” Colby thought it was right for them to leave the married couple with some alone time that they needed.

   Isabella quickly accepted his offer “Oh why yes, what a great idea. You two have fun.” The married couple laughed catching on what was happening and waved at them as they walked off.

  Renee glanced down in her bag where held a simple thing of perfume with a proud smile as Jon had his grin on his face. Mission accomplished.

∆ 

∆   four  ∆

 Jeez, so so sorry for the late update, go some things going on at home and I’m stressing a bit about stuff. Anyways! What do you think??? Like it? I rewrote this chapter a couple of times because I want it to be perfect. I will try really hard to update again soon! I welcome opinions and suggestions! Let me know if you want to be tagged :) Love ya!

-Cammy

tag line:

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[yeracluedeanwinchester]

Every question 🤔

if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?- watch how I met your mother, listen to idk my whole library lol. Every song means something to me have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who?Meh idklist your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with.Oh gosh. Marvel- maybe Coulson? Himym-robin defs. Supernatural- Charlie lmao. do you like your name?  is there another name you think would fit you better?I like it but too many people mix it up with Cindy and that pisses me off do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? do you identify yourself by the things you do?I don't identify by the things I do, but yeah I think we're all just doing random things and using our brains until we die are you religious/spiritual?Nop do you care about your ethnicity?Yes. what musical artists have you most felt connected to over your lifetime?Hedley or more recently Mother Mother are you an artist?Meh yeah. I paint and draw and stuffdo you have a creed?No I guess describe your ideal day.Oh jeez. Wake up, get ready, look awesome, road trip, sight see, music the whole way, come back, get our drink on, fall asleep really late dog person or cat person?More so dogs, depends on the catinside or outdoors?This needs more context but outdoors I guess are you a musician?No lmaofive most influential books over your lifetime.Harry potter 3, 5 and 7. A gathering of Shadows if you’d grown up in a different environment, do you think you’d have turned out the same?Maybe like my deepest values and morals, but definitely not personality. would you say your tumblr is a fair representation of the “real you”?For the most part yeah what’s your patronus?A beagle which Harry Potter house would you be in? or are you a muggle?Ravenclaw. would you rather be in Middle Earth, Narnia, Hogwarts, or somewhere else?Hogwarts obvsdo you love easily?Yes but only after I know that it's actually love. So maybe Not? Lol list the top five things you spend the most time doing, in order.-sleep -work -netflix-commute-hobbieshow often would you want to see your family every year?Maybe like 4 times a year for a couple weeks at a time?have you ever felt like you had a “mind-meld” with someone?Every time I hang out with my best friend could you live as a hermit?Nohow would you describe your gender/sexuality?Straight female do you feel like your outside appearance is a fair representation of the “real you”?Yep. Comfy nerdy pjs and almost hipster day clothes on a scale from 1 to 10, how hard is it for someone to get under your skin?Like a 2 lol three songs that you connect with right now.Remember that Night- Grouplove Dangerous- Big Data Yesterday- Imagine Dragons pick one of your favorite quotes."It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not."-André Gide, Autumn Leaves (didn't know what exactly it was from. TIL) ✌

[dianapana]

Trampoline

Ever since she was 5 years old and she fell off Sakura’s trampoline and she cracked her clavicle she has been scared of the evil thing. No matter how many birthday parties she went to she never stepped on one again. You know what they say, it’s enough to get burn once to learn your lesson, and she did, she stayed far away from the fire. So how on earth did she get here? In the middle of an Amusement Park on a ‘bungee jumping trampoline’. The thing was literally so dangerous she had to put on this weird thing to hold her in place so she wouldn’t fall. Also on the poster it was written in bold ‘ADULTS ONLY’ so that meant this thing was too dangerous for kids, which meant it was too dangerous for her as well. Kids loved the normal trampoline but she got hurt on those as well, so her level of ‘safe’ was lower than a child’s.

           “The elastics are connected to the structure so you won’t fall off”

The guy working there said as he was ‘casually’ bucking her in this weird protector (that looked like a pair of underwear, might she add, also his hands were uncomfortably close to her lady parts)

“The trampoline is really stretched, so you’ll jump quite high and if you try to lean backwards you might even do a back flip”

Yep, she was totally not doing that.

Checking one last time that everything was in place and locked tight, Sasuke, cuz that was what the name tag said he was called, gave her half a smile and patted her back.

“You’re good to go. You have about 15 minutes to jump and then time will be up”

15 minutes? Was he nuts? It took her less than 2 minutes to fall off last time, and even if this time she was ‘locked in place’ she knew well that something bad will happen, so why was she there again? Cuz jumping on a trampoline was number 12 on her summer ‘to do’ list right before have a staring contest with a stranger and after dance until dawn. She looked at Sasuke maybe she could complete number 11 instead, it seemed less dangerous.

Ino kept insisting that Hinata do some of the ‘hard’ things on the list because it was already august so the summer was almost over and her list sat there barely touched. So she followed her loud best friend to an Amusement Park to this place that was ran by this guy she claimed to know. So as she was dangling a little above the trampoline she could see Ino to the left flirting with whatever guy passed by.

“Ok so I’ll push you down pretty hard to give you the first jump and then things should go on their own. You ready?’  

He was going to push her? Why? No, why, why, why? Hinata only looked at him with huge eyes like a scared kid and shook her head. Both of his hands were on her hips ready to drag her down only to be thrown back up at a height she might not have considered before. Those stands were ridiculously high.

“It won’t be that bad, I promise. After the first minute you’ll have a really good time”

He squeezed her hips and a crooked smile was painted on his face. Was that supposed to make her feel better? Because it was NOT working. Right as he was about to put pressure on her hips she took both of his hands in her own.

“I can’t do this after all. Sorry. Could you please unbuckle me?”

Sasuke looked at her and narrowed his eyes. His hands were really warm in hers, she was cold but maybe that was because she was so scared.

“Look, if you really don’t want to that’s fine. But if you do this…” he trailed off and looked at Ino only to see the blonde was giving them zero of her attention so he creased her cheek and leaned in to whisper in her ear “I’ll give you a reward”

‘Reward’ ? What? That 5 seconds it took Hinata to process what has been said Sasuke took a step back smiled at her, or more smirked at her and pushed her down. So when her brain started working again her feet were almost 3 feet in the air, still going up and up and up. The elastic bands were quite long she observed, maybe 20 feet? Which meant that the highest possible point she could reach was about 40 feet from the trampoline and about 42 feet from the ground. Oh shit.

               She wanted to hold onto the elastics but she soon realized that was a very, very bad idea, because while it was stratching and moving around it would hurt her hands and if she moved the thing a bit it might throw her off course., So while her feet were dangling 20 feet in the air she was trying to figure out what to do with her arms, also when did she start screaming? The moment she reached the highest point Hinata tried to look at Ino and without meaning to she leaned in front and did a spin. She was positive she might start crying any second or she might puke, both cases weren’t something she had planned.

           She was starting to fall back down and somehow she felt really relived but the second her feet touched the trampoline she was pushed back up, this kept going on for a really long time, each time the push was a little less violent than before and she never hit the highest point again.

Finally after the last push, which was really small she went up about a feet. Thank God it was almost over. Had she enjoyed it? Maybe, a little. Will she admit that? Nop. Will she try it again? Hell no!

She was quite proud of herself because the trampoline was free of any disgusting fluids.

She couldn’t help the relief that flooded her every cell when Sasuke walked on the trampoline ready to take everything off so she’d be free.

“Was it that bad?”

She pretended she didn’t hear his question at all. Sasuke chuckled a little while working his hands on the strange underwear thing, she couldn’t help but think he was taking longer than before, also his hands brushed against her tights one time too much. After a few more soft clicks she was free but it was hard walking on the trampoline especially after flying in the air for 15 minutes so she was grateful when Sasuke offer her his hand.

“Thank God it’s over”

“I guess this means you won’t be coming back for a second round? That’s a real shame.”

Once again she passed him by without even acknowledging anything he said. Once her feet were on the solid ground, which consisted in dirt and grass she felt so happy she almost started crying. She couldn’t care less that she didn’t have her sandals on and that there were small rocks that would leave marks.

“So, we’re coming again tomorrow? You seemed to have so much fun”

Hiata gave Ino the best glare she could manage. She almost said hell no but was cut off by Sasuke

“Ino, you gonna try too?”

“OH MY GOD, YES! But I want the other guy to buckle me in, I don’t want your hands anywhere near that part of me, that’d be creepy.”

“Agreed” Sasuke said before walking off to his coworker to ask him to buckle Ino in, the other guy practically ran to the trampoline when he saw Ino, which made the blonde laugh.

“I can’t believe you’re gonna do this” Hinata said shaking her head “ and just for fun”

Ino only winked before walking to the trampoline to take her heels off. Hinata followed her, but only to take her sandals, the rocks were starting to bother her. She looked both ways before noticing a small chair to the left, she walked that way and sat down.

“Need help with that?”

Sasuke was crouching in front of her, smiling up at her.

“No, I got this.”

“Oh come on, I’ll help.”

He said before snatching her sandals and dropping them next to him. Sasuke took her left foot and placed it on his knee after putting her sandal on, he was trying to tie the cords.

“You have really nice feet”

Hinata didn’t realize she has been staring at him and his hands until he spoke after tying the right sandal too. He got up and held out his hand for her. She took it and he effortlessly pulled her up. They started walking and Sasuke placed his hand on her lower back guiding her back to the trampoline.

Everything he did seemed so cheesy to her, things you saw in movies or read about, she couldn’t help but think he was a big cliché, yet his words made her toes curl and his hand was making her skin feel hot, so maybe she was a cliché too. Hinata wasn’t the kind of person you’d describe as brave, clearly. Maybe it was the adrenaline from the trampoline, or just the cheesiness of everything that was happening that made her feel like that moment was unreal.

“So, what reward will I be receiving?”

The second she said that the dream-like state disappeared and the adrenaline poured out of her, leaving her embarrassed and worried. But Sasuke looked at her shocked before laughing, a real laugh, not just a chuckle like before.

“Well, I must admit, you did pretty well on the trampoline, and I did promise a reward”

His eyes dared to the loud blonde that was now being freed, so he dropped his hand, and smiled at Hinata.

“But Ino is coming this way, so maybe...rain check?”  

She was quite disappointed, maybe he was backing away, or maybe that was just an excuse from them to meet again so she smiled and nodded, before turning to her friend.

“You had fun?”

“Of course, I felt like the queen of the world at that height!”

[misskieshakate]

All Bottled Up

This is Shklance that has been bugging me for two days now, so if you’re uncomfortable with that it’s ok to just skip this and scroll down.

Part 1

I made a part 2 😊 https://psychotic-cheesecake.tumblr.com/post/160721447852/all-bottled-up

“Oh my god, have you heard?”

“I’m pretty sure everyone in this coffee shop heard you.” Keith grumbled, fighting the urge to turn around and glare at the woman behind him. It was 3 in the afternoon and he needed his iced coffee, it was too hot and humid for excited college girls.

“What?” Thankfully the girl she was with doesn’t seem fazed or mildly excited. Maybe she’s just as tired and sweaty as him this time of the day.

“You know that guy Ethan and the guy he’s dating? I heard they broke up like last night.”

“No way!” Or maybe not. Keith could feel the small jump the girl made on her seat considering that she was seated just behind him. Why the hell did he choose to sit here again?

“Yah. I heard they broke up in a restaurant. In a FUCKING RESTAURANT on their ANNIVERSARY!”

The girl behind him audibly gasp. Keith rolled his eyes but still listened. You can’t really blame him for listening, for one he was seated directly behind the girls; and two, the drama was quite intriguing.

“Oh no, poor Lance!”

Keith perked up, sitting upright and almost bumping the back of his head with the girl behind him.

Lance? His Lance? His lanky childhood best friend was dating a guy and apparently got dumped on their anniversary? That Lance?

Keith subtly leaned their way, straining his ears to catch every detail of their conversation. It can’t be his Lance, right? Because that means a douchebag hurt his best friend and that doesn’t sit well with him. It doesn’t sit well with him at all.

“Really? You don’t seem sympathetic at all.”

“What? Me? I-I’m just… I mean it’s bound to happen. They’ve been together for, what, three years now? How many times have they fought and took breaks in their relationship? Not to mention the parade of girls Ethan had been seeing for the past month. So yeah, i think at this point, a break up is inevitable.”

“Like I said, you don’t sound sympathetic at all.” Yeah. This close, he can definitely hear a smile in her voice.

Keith was shaking now. That dickturd, Ethan, cheated on his Lance?

“I just think that Lance deserved better.”

“And that better is you, I’m guessing.”

“Yeah. What’s wrong with me?” Keith arched at brow at that. He was tempted to turn around and assess the girl, see if she’s good for Lance-

“Here’s your iced mocha, babe.” A man with black and white hair, approached his table and placed a small kiss on the top of his head before sitting comfortably across him. The man gave him a questioning look when he didn’t immediately sucked on the straw of his drink.

He shook his head at him and placed a finger on his lips, signalling the man to keep quiet. The man across him shrugged and continued drinking his coffee.

“Nothing is wrong with you. But have you thought of Lance considering a relationship just after breaking up with his BOYFRIEND for THREE YEARS? And or maybe he’s not into girls? Have you thought about that?”

“Ok first of all, who said anything about a relationship? I just want to be there for him in this trying time of his life. And if he wants some cuddles and kisses, who am I to deny that? He deserves all the cuddles and kisses! And second, Lance is bi so i have a 50% chance.”

Keith nodded. He nodded at the part where Lance deserves all the cuddles and kisses part. Another look from his boyfriend and he finally picked up his cup and took a sip of his drink.

“Whatever you say. But i’m guessing it’s my duty as your wingwoman to tell you that Hunk and Pidge are throwing a party just for him.”

“What are you saying?” Keith was chewing on his straw. Damn, he knows where this chick is going with this and he didn’t like it.

“Not now, Shiro.” Keith hissed at his boyfriend when he started whispering something at him. This is important, dammit.

“I’m saying, if you want to give the cuddles and kisses, then you better drag your ass to that party and look hot as hell.”

“Oh god, really? What time is the party? Shit, i gotta get ready. Will you help me?”

“I already set up my makeup kit and thought out your outfit.”

“Aah! I love you!”

“I know right.”

The girl behind him practically jumped off her seat, bumping Keith’s chair as she forcefully pushed the chair back. Keith was too busy thinking of ways to torture the Ethan guy and racking his brain for Lance’s address to turn around and curse at the girl.

“What was that about?” His boyfriend, Shiro, who was now sweating a little, asked. The heat made his face a little red, making the scar on his face stand out more, which was hot by the way.

“Remember my friend Lance?” Keith took a long sip, his hand hovering near Shiro’s hand. 

“Hmm, isn’t he that friend of yours since you were nine?” Shiro gingerly took Keith’s fingers and played with them, his calloused hands a familiar feeling on his.

“Yeah, that’s him.” Keith tangled their fingers together, loving the way his hand was being covered by Shiro’s larger ones, loves the comfort it brings. “I heard that he broke up with his boyfriend last night. It was pretty rough, babe.”

“What happened?“ Shiro asked, lifting his drink with his prosthetic hand while his other hand played with Keith’s fingers. 

“Turns out the guy he was dating was seeing other girls, and that they broke up on their anniversary.“ Keith wasn’t aware that he was gripping too hard on Shiro’s hand, but Shiro didn’t mind. If he were to describe Keith to anyone, he would use the word intense, and he doesn’t use that word much to describe anything.

“So what’re you planning?“

“I don’t know yet. But I want to see if Lance is doing fine.“ Keith looked up to meet his boyfriend’s gray gaze, putting on those puppy eyes that he was sure Shiro was weak to, “Is that ok?”

Shiro chuckled at Keith, not really sure if he doubted Shiro’s considerate nature or if he thinks that the puppy eyes are the answer to everything. “Of course it’s ok, Keith.”

“Good,” Keith sighed in relief, “because I need your help. I’m not really sure where he lives.”

“Wha- You want to go to his place now?” Yup, Keith was intense.

“Of course! Who knows what he’s doing now?”

“Keith, babe, it’s 3 in the afternoon. I’m pretty sure he’s still in class.”

“Shit, you’re right.” Keith bit at his lip, trying to figure out a way to check up on Lance.

“Why don’t you just text him? Or message him?” Shiro gripped at Keith’s hand for comfort. 

Keith mumbled something low, almost whispering to himself.

“What? I can’t hear you, babe.”

“I don’t have his number and I’m not friends with him on facebook!” Keith exclaimed, turning red all over. 

“Ok ok, calm down!“ Shiro leaned his way, letting go of his hand and placing it on his cheek, turning it his way. “I’ll find a way to contact him, ok?“ Shiro smiled, feeling Keith relax beneath his fingers. “Now, why don’t we gather our things and head to class. You go learn about physics and I’ll ask around about Lance. Sound good?“

“Yeah. Yeah ok.“ Keith smiled back at Shiro, leaning further in to place a sweet, chaste kiss on his boyfriend’s lips. Shiro’s got this.

Shiro doesn’t got this. 

He wanted to sound confident but Shiro knew that finding a person’s address, especially one that he’s not acquainted to, was going to be hard. He’s asked some of the few sophomores he knew but they either looked at him funny or said that he should just message him or something. He was getting desperate because it was almost 5 and he still doesn’t know Lance’s address. Keith’s class ends at 5 and he was planning on visiting Lance right after that.

Shiro was about to give up but then he remembered a conversation he had with his friend, Allura. Something about a moisturizer-

“I am an idiot.“ He fished out his phone from his pocket and dialled Allura’s number.

“Hey Shiro, what’s up?” Allura picked up on the third ring.

“Allura, hi. Uhm, do you know someone named Lance? I remember you mentioned him when we were buying stuff in the drugstore that one time.“

“Oh Lance! Of course I know him, why do you ask?“

Shiro scratched the back of his neck, not really sure how to ask about lance’s address. “Uhm, I heard he broke up with his boyfriend-”

“Ugh, Ethan. God I hate that guy. Who would break up with someone on their anniversary? That’s just plain rude and cruel. And what he did to Lance? He didn’t deserve that. I want to strangle him with his own intestines and gag him with his castrated dick.“

“That was quite an image, Allura.“

“Why do you ask? What do you want from my boyfriend’s bestfriend, Shirogane.“ 

Ah, Allura was also intense. He forgot how protective she is with her friends.

“Nothing! Well, not me but Keith, my boyfriend. He wants to check up on him, see if he’s doing alright.“ 

“Keith? Why would Keith want to check up on him?“

“Well, they are bestfriends.“

“Hmm, really?“

“Yeah, they’ve been friends since they were nine, Allura.“

“I don’t know. Lance is in a pretty vulnerable state right now. Why don’t you guys just ask him tonight? Hunk and Pidge are throwing a party for him in Pidge’s family cabin.“

“Uhm, Keith wanted a one on one conversation with him, I think. A party would be too noisy for that. Can’t you just tell me his address and consider that favor you asked me during freshman year paid?“

“You and your favors. Fine, fine, I’ll text you his address. But you guys better be perfect gentlemen towards Lance or else.“ The threat in her voice was there.

“Or else what?“ Shiro jokingly challenged.

“Or else I’ll make sure every date you have with your boyfriend ends up with blue balls. Toodles, Shiro.“

A knock on the door startled Lance. He jumped off the counter and placed the book he was drawing on on the table in front of him and headed to the door. Of course he had to avoid stepping on the scattered clothes of his and his roommates on the floor, and a few controllers they thrown on the floor last night when they tried to console-

Nope nope nope. He’s not thinking about that. Nope. Not today Satan.

The knocking on the door was beginning to annoy him. Geez, three knocks was enough. 

He heard whispering on the other side of the door. Lance thought it was one of his roommates, Hunk or Pidge, forgetting their keys again. He opened the door and a plastic bag met his face.

“What?”

The plastic bag was lowered and he was surprised to see Keith. His childhood friend Keith who apparently grew a mullet, and was wearing a cropped red jacket. Beside him was his boyfriend, Shiro. Standing in all his glory, clothes always too tight and the surface of his prosthetic arm glinting at him. They were both smiling at him and all Lance could do was gape at them.

“Hi Lance.“ Keith nervously smiled at him, his dimples showing as he fiddled with the plastic bag.

“Hi.“ Lance replied. “Not to sound rude or anything, but what are you doing here?“ Oh god, that sounded rude. Nice going Lance.

Keith closed up like a clam and gave a panicked look at his boyfriend. 

“Hi Lance. I’m Shiro.“ Shiro pushed his arm out for Lance to shake.

Lance took it, giving it a firm shake. “Oh I know who you are, Takashi Shirogane.” Everybody knows Shiro, c’mon now.

“Yeah. Keith and I are here to give you this.“ Shiro took the plastic bag from Keith who was twisting and pulling at the poor plastic bag. Shiro offered it to Lance who took it and inspected its contents.

“Ice cream?“ Lance arched a brow at Shiro and Keith.

“Yeah. Ice cream fixes everything, right?“ Keith looked at Lance, hoping that the situation wasn’t as awkward as he thinks it is.

Lance’s shoulders slumped in realization. “So you heard huh?”

“Uhm, can we come in, Lance?“

“You did brought me ice cream.“ Lance opened the door further, allowing the two to step in the apartment.

“Sorry for the mess. My roommates and I played video games ‘til four in the morning.“ Lance sounded sheepish while kicking the stray clothes, controller and crumbs away from the carpet. “Make yourself at home, I guess. The couch is relatively clean, so you guys sit on that. Here’s the remote,“ he handed Keith the remote to their TV and switched it on, “if you want to watch something. I’ll just put this in the freezer ‘cause it’s kinda melting.“

“Oh, sorry about that. It’s pretty hot outside when we bought it.“ Shiro laughed, placing a hand on Keith’s hunched shoulders. The way Keith relaxed under Shiro’s touch was amazing to watch, the way he went pliant with just a hand on his shoulder. 

Lance hurriedly looked away.

“Do you guys want something to drink? Water, coke, juice?“ Lance asked, opening their refrigerator and placing the ice cream in the freezer. He studied the various canned drinks and the carton of orange juice that was still half full. 

“Juice sounds good.“ Shiro replied. 

“Okay. Orange juice sound good?“ Lance asked, pulling out two glasses from the dishwasher and wiped off the moisture that formed in the glass.

“Sounds good, Lance.“ He heard Keith replied from the couch.

“Orange juice it is.“ Lance mumbled to himself. It’s a good thing his mother taught him how to be hospitable or else there will be just silence. God this was awkward.

Lance poured out the orange juice on the two glasses and placed them on a tray along with some crackers that Hunk kept in a jar. Lance carefully made his way towards the couple who sat comfortably on the sofa. He placed the tray on the small coffee table and hesitated for a second. He made a quick decision to sit on the carpeted floor across the two with the table separating them. Lance ignored the funny look Keith gave him, and waved off Shiro’s offer to sit on the sofa next to them.  

He shifted on the floor so his back was to them and that he was facing the TV. He felt uncomfortable staring at happiness right in the face with the couple sitting closely together. He pretended to look interested on the infomercial about bear attacks. The noise from the TV was a mild comfort for Lance, because that meant he didn’t need to talk.

“How are you holding up Lance?“ Keith asked.

Lance refused to turn around and see the pity on both their faces. “I’m doing good. My morning classes are kicking my ass but I manage. I got an A on a paper I did while on a Monster-coffee concoction Pidge made. I’m pretty sure god high fived me when I finished that paper. She was cool.”

Lance expected a laugh or a giggle but he heard none. That joke always worked! 

“No I meant you and your-“

DING!

His timer rang and Lance bolted to the kitchen. He didn’t care if he was unnecessarily too energetic to get the cookies out of the oven. He’ll do anything, ANYTHING to not talk about what happened last night.

He opened the oven door and took out the tray. Even through his oven mitt hand, he can feel the heat. The smell of freshly baked cookies filled the air with scents of vanilla, chocolate and over all goodness. Oh goody, Lance thought, another topic for conversation.

“Are those cookies I smell?“ Keith and Shiro made their way to the kitchen and saw the tray of baked heaven.

“Whoa, these smell good Lance!“ Shiro’s eyes sparkled once he saw the cookies.

“Heh, thanks.“ Lance smiled, fighting off the blush that was claiming his face, ears and neck at the compliment.

Keith, on the other hand, had other things in mind. 

“You’re stress baking.“ 

Lance refused to acknowledge Keith’s statement and focused on transferring the cookies on a separate tray with a spatula.

“They’re chocolate chip cookies. My mama used to bake them for me and my siblings when we were kids, and she later taught me how to make them.“ Lance’s hands were shaking but he was glad his voice didn’t waver.

Shiro noticed the tension between his boyfriend and Lance. he stared at the two and decided to keep the conversation going.

“Really? When did you learn to bake?“ Shiro was trying. Lord knows he was trying.

“When he was nine.“ Keith answered for Lance. He was clearly mad now, and he was gritting his teeth with the way Lance was ignoring him. “He started baking since he was nine and he invited me to their house to try them. Since then, he stress bakes whenever he’s sad or angry or just overwhelmed. Aren’t I right, Lance?“

“What are you talking about, Keith? I bake whenever I feel the mood to do so, or if I have the money to buy ingredients.“ Lance gave off a shaky laugh.

“Oh yeah? Well stress baking is when you bake too many things!“ Keith gestured at the batch of muffins cooling on the corner, a tray of cupcakes with icing on the table, and a whole sliced chocolate cheesecake near the stove. “So I’m going to ask again, how are you holding up?”

Lance banged the spatula against the table, the clang of metal against wood was almost painful to hear amidst the silence that followed. 

“Why the hell are you so worried!“ Lance was close to screaming, his voice taking on a liquid note.

“Because I’m your friend! Isn’t worrying my job?!“ Keith exclaimed.

Lance scoffed at that, “Oh because you’re such a good friend.” Lance said bitterly, his voice gaining a cruel tone. “Tell me Keith, when was the last time we hung out, huh? Or the last time you talked to me? Hell, tell me when was the last time you approached me just to talk and not because you needed something from me. Tell me Keith!” Lance didn’t mean to let his voice grow loud, but he can’t help it. If given the choice between being sad and angry, he’ll choose anger over sadness every time. It was easier to be mad than to open yourself up and cry. 

“I-I-“ Keith stuttered.

“That’s right, you don’t remember.” Lance didn’t wait for Keith’s answer. The fact that he didn’t have an answer on hand was an answer by itself. “Maybe four years was far too long for you to remember, huh? Oh, so that meant you abandoned me when you got together with Shiro. What a great friend you are, Keith. No offense Shiro.” That heated blue gaze of Lance’s was momentarily focused on Shiro and he was struck with a cold feeling. He could feel the fury behind those blue eyes, but most of all he could feel the hurt in them.

“And now you’re acting like those four years of ignoring me didn’t happen, like we’re back to being besties just because you feel sorry for me. News flash, Keith, I don’t need your pity. I don’t need you to feel sorry for me just because you felt like it’s your job or obligation to do so!“

Keith gasped, feeling every word pierce right through him. 

“Look,“ Lance took a deep breath, “I know you came here with good intentions, and this isn’t what you expected our reunion would be. But, I don’t appreciate you demanding things from me when you don’t have the right to that information, not anymore. You understand me, Keith?“

Keith numbly nodded, feeling like a piece of shit. Lance was right, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Keith felt Shiro’s hand on his lower back, forming small circles to calm him down.

Shiro cleared his throat, gaining the attention of the two. “Well before you kick us out, do you mind sharing some of those cookies?” Shiro knew it was stupid, but he was sure that it was the right amount of light hearted humor to break off the tension that was clogging the room. “And maybe a slice of that cheesecake?”

Lance couldn’t help himself and laughed. He smiled at Shiro, wishing he’ll see the gratitude in his eyes, “Of course. I admit I baked far too much.” He gave a shy smile at Keith, “Which one of these you want, Keith?”

“We could make some ice cream sandwiches with those cookies. We don’t even need to let the cookies cool.“ Keith replied. He felt unsure on how to talk to Lance after his outburst.

“Oh you’re right! Let me grab the ice cream real quick.“

It was like a switch was flipped, like everything was fine again.

“I bought the vanilla flavored one.“ Keith returned Shiro’s touch, leaning against him and placing his hand on his waist.

“My favorite!“

So what do you guys think? I plan on making this as slow burn as possible haha. Also langst. :P

[traveldiar]

When I came to the new hostel, I was greeted by a very friendly receptionist. She took me immediately to my new room. Which was for me, and me alone. It felt a bit luxurious. It kind of was. I did have, kitchen, toilet and shower - FOR MYSELF! The room itself had a lot of space. I thought that I really deserved it.

A whole hostels decor was modern and cosy. It resembled some sort of hipster place. At least the wooden tables from pellets and other recycled material gave a hint of it. On another side of the building, there was an area for camping trailers, tents and several huts.

The front yard was the most charming place. It had several level sitting areas, it because, the place was down the hill. In between the sitting areas there ware hanging hammocks. Over the front yard, there were a thousand flashbulbs crisscrossing a whole place. In the background would play some Johnny Cash songs or other well known good old songs. I felt relaxed, and there was a lot of foreigners. Therefore, I didn't have to break my tongue trying to speak my own language and feel ashamed for not speaking properly.

Later that evening I went out to smoke. There were very few people. The crisscrossing lights were on. It looked so beautiful, I was mesmerized. I walked around looking at it. A few minutes later, after running up and down like a child. I was finally ready to go to my room. Suddenly, noticed a stranger sitting next to the entrance of the hostel.

(Stranger): - You really like those light? Huh?

(Me): - Well, yeah. They look cosy, and pretty cool too. This kind of decor I have seen only in Greece, in some small garden.

(Stranger): - I guess, they do look cosy.

(Me): - Are you local?

(Stranger): - No, I am from Sweden. You?

(Me): - Well, I am semi-local. I don't live here for the last 7 years. I landed from Denmark, last week.

(Stranger):- So, what are you doing here?

(Me): I am trying to apply for a visa to Japan. I will go there in August for a year. (Some people were passing across me and him, I was about to go in, it was a bit cold. For some unknown reason I decided to sit down). Probably, I should sit down. May I?

(Stranger):-Yes, sure.

At first, he seemed as average, boring guy, even he was swede. From my experience dealing with Nordic people, I always running out of what to say to them, very fast.

This time was not the case. We talked. A lot. It was about everything. It was about all kind of political topics, travels, his job. He did say, that he will look around Vilnius, and then will travel further. I had the same plan (to deliver papers to the embassy and go to Kaunas). That's, how I end up talking with him till almost midnight.

That night, I could not sleep until 6 am. It was cold, the bed was terrible, a noise outside. Somehow, I managed to wake up. at 10 am, I barely rolled out of my bed. Then I made the decision: "

Fuck it, I will stay one more night, but this time, I WILL SLEEP.

" So, I went to reception and paid for one more night. Then I took off to complete my mission: - TO GET MY VISA!A few hours later, I came back to my hostel with all the bags from the station in the hyped mood - "

I got my visa, my mission is done. Now I can go to sleep

!" because I almost fell asleep in public transport. I am about to enter the front door, and guess who do I see!? Same stranger, from yesterday...

I told him my success story about a visa. He was happy for me. After a few more minutes of chatting, I finally, moved inside to find out where I am staying, because it became inconvenient to stand with two backpacks. My shoulders were in pain. The hostel receptionist showed me the room. (

It was a room with 3 bunk beds, and several people already there, some from Greece, some from Lithuania, and god knows what...)

First things first, I NEED A SHOWER AND CLEAN CLOTHES! I started to unpack, and get ready for the shower, I really felt that I need it. I went to women shower, started to undress, suddenly I realized, that I don't know the door code to the room. (because all the rooms had their own door codes). Well, fuck it... I will ask to write down for me in Reception. After a hot shower I got dressed, I wrapped all my stuff into a towel and went down to get a door code. I had absolutely no intention of meeting this stranger, I just wanted to chill. I got the code and went back. The room was full of people. It felt crowded and uncomfortable. Well... Maybe I will wait a bit longer. So I took off to the common kitchen with some food I bought previously. I felt a bit hungry.Guess, who do I meet? That stranger again! He was as surprised as me.

(Stranger): -Are you stalking me?

(Me): - No, are you stalking me?

(Stranger): -Just hungry.

He was making some fancy salad, with nuts and ham. Then tried to boil some quail eggs. The view was amusing. I have never seen anyone trying to make quail eggs. I could not hold myself back but to tease him.

(Me): - Do you know what you are doing?

(Stranger): -Yeah, I am making eggs.

(Me): - Have you tried them before?

(Stranger): -Nop, but I want to try.

(Me): - Good luck with that!

So, we end up talking again. This time about nothing, just chartering. When he finished making his amusing food. I followed outside. It seemed as something appropriate thing to do. Since I had nothing better to do, the room I had to sleep in was filled with people.

We sat down, he offered some beer. (Even It has passed quite some years, I have not touched alcohol ). I accepted his offer "

why not, I did fail to buy actual beer last time due to, this new law, that alcohol is sold only until 8 pm.".

Conversations evolved naturally, with no force or too much force. There was no need to think, what to say, or what not to say. I did not care, really. I am on holiday, I didn't come here to make friends, I just talked.Meanwhile, I forgot about all my tiredness. It felt comfortable and comforting. The stranger was listening with great interest. He was chipping in, with his thoughts and his own experiences. It was simply so engaging, and free to talk. Maybe, also because I was a little drunk. (It does not take long to get me drunk).

Later, conversations became more interesting, more personal. We talked about our families, jobs, interest. He asked me, about my personal life.

(Stranger): -What about your personal life?

(Me): - What is personal?

(Stranger): -Like a boyfriend?

(Me): - I don't like drama. I don't have time for it.

I was not really honest with him. I haven't lied to him, but I didn't say that I have a boyfriend, for the last 5 years. I actually don't know why... Is not like I have something to hide.After the second beer, I came to realize, he is quite handsome. Maybe, because he is quite intelligent, or rather open for everything. I never valued physical appearance, it always looked so empty to me. I always was interested in what is happening in peoples minds.In that particular moment, I saw a lot of potential for more closer chemistry. I was even thinking to myself, If I would be in my early 20's I would sleep with him. I really had to hold myself back not enter the flirting game. Simply, my mature and logical brain cells told me not to complicate things. And if this fate to meet this guy, I will meet him again, maybe in more convenient circumstances. Now, let's just enjoy his company.

But my desire to spend more time with him kept growing. He would listen to me, no matter what I say, or whatever weird shit I would tell him. I reached a point, where I really wanted to pee, but if I will go, I will never meet him again. He will probably get to sleep, and then I won't see him tomorrow. But I had to let go, It was already after midnight, no one around. I can't be that selfish. Before going to our rooms, we agreed to meet for coffee tomorrow.

After a short toilet break, I went to the room. Wait, what? Why are you here? He was there as surprised as me, standing there almost half naked, getting ready to sleep.We said goodnight to each other and went to bed. I could not really sleep, but think, how to spend more time together. I know I had to let him go, but what if he could give me a ride to Kaunas? No... I can't ask for that... It is too much... Damm, I will never meet him again... We will part tomorrow. What if, we just stop somewhere, and camp somewhere together, just to spend more time together. Arghhhhhhhhhh! No! That's, simply wrong... I have to let go and forget about it.So, that's how I fell short on sleep again!

The morning came, my brain was early up. I was staring towards his bed and kept thinking about how I don't want to part him. Just one more conversation! (Now, I felt like a stalker). He finally woke up. I left the kitchen to warm up croissants so we can have breakfast together. At least something, before he leaves.

I came up to the lobby, where fresh coffee was served. He was not there. I turned my back, and he was right behind me.

(Stranger): -Good timing.

(Me): - Yes.

We sat down to eat my prepared breakfast. He started to talk about today's, plans. He mentioned about visiting the market in Gariunai. I pinpointed for him on the map and told him it is in the direction towards his destination. His goal was to reach Poland today. Well, good for you...

Then he asked about plans for today. I told him I am going to Kaunas. He googled it.

(Stranger): - I can take you there.

(Me): - (without any hesitation) AGREED!

Well, what a coincidence... That's what I what I wished for, BUT I WOULD HAVE NEVER ASK FOR IT. After a few cups of coffee, he asked.

(Stranger): - have you packed?

(Me): - Yes, I just need to pick it up. You still need to go to Gariunai. I will show you around.

That's at least a legal excuse to spend a bit more time together. I was sure, he also wanted to spend more time with me, otherwise, he would have never agreed to meet for coffee, or take me to Kaunas.

After picking up my stuff, I went to his car, which was parked just behind, hostel territory. The car had a tiny semi-trailer attachment. Which was ridiculously small to me, but very well organized.I got into his car. We are talking about travels. I could see he is distracted, or simply tired. He almost missed a turn. We reached the market, I showed him more continent place to park, instead of a pinpointed place on the map.

We walk around the market, tasted local goodies. Until, it was really time, to take off.On the way to Kaunas, he would give me this look. I have seen it before. It is when there is chemistry between people or someone you like but you yourself don't know or don't accept yet. Suddenly he said.

(Stranger): -That was turn to Kaunas. I think we are in Kaunas.

(Me): - What!? Already!?

Time flew by in the split second. I hoped to spend just a little more time together. I tried to invite him for lunch, just to stall more time. But he really had to go. We reach the city centre and I got off. Then I offered at least stay in touch via Facebook, but I knew that our paths would never cross again. There is no such thing as fate. If there would, there would not be a need for divorce.There is only lucky coincidences, and logical patterns. If people are in the same building, they are bound to run into each other, so that happened here. But I am happy to run into you. I still have so much to tell you, that's why I started to write this diary, so I won't bug too much, because as you noticed I can be too much.

But It was still amazing to experience, how two extremely different people can bound closely in such a short time. Long ago, I learned to appreciate what I have not to be greedy, so thank you for the time I had with you, even we will never meet again.

[justanearth-boundmisfit]

1of3 The reason J2 and insect, yes insect shippers became unhinged is because they strain their brains to come up with the most grotesquely twisted logic for their ships. Lot of Destiel fans have reached the bibros pinnacle. Now, lot of cockles shippers are reaching J2 tinhats levels. Jinsing said he would do a Romcom with Misha and immediately said, I just threw up a little. But oh no. That is not insulting to Misha. That is love!! Maybe Jinsing is pregnant??!! Yep that is it.

Hi anon! Under the cut go your other messages and my replies…

I agree with everything you say, the only thing that is saving the cockles shippers not to be like jays2 fans, is that they don’t attack their families, I hope they never do that.

I knew there was something more about the rom com comment, I don’t follow their stupid panels so I only saw the shippers party, hard to miss because they post their shit everywhere! But I got the feeling that that comment was really out of jinsing character, apparently I was right. Of course he had to trash Misha, and of course the shippers were going to ignore that part. Fuckers. They don’t care, they are a bunch of obsessive people who don’t give a fuck about Misha. 

The underwear thing was so cringe worthy ffs! And you know the worst part? There were grown up women doing that. Adults, so no excuse for being a hormonal teen there. It makes me sick. It’s not cute at all. And you’re right, if the roles were reversed and the actors were female, this same “ladies” doing this shit with the underwear would scream “problematic”! to the top of their lungs. The respect has to be there no matter the gender, at least that is my thinking, but it seems that for some people it only goes one way. Horrible.

Surely a lot of them feel vindicated by that game on gishwhes that have shipper things here and there, the gods know that I’ve seen that shit all over the Misha’s tags. But I’m pretty sure that game was made by fans, and if Misha approved of it, he surely didn’t have the time to check every little thing. If that is not the case, and Misha knew about the shipper stuff, then I have to say that he is wrong in giving these people more fuel, especially on the cockles stuff. I love him, but if I think he is wrong I’m not going to shut up. I’m not on a cult after all. I didn’t like it, and I think is no excuse to think that cockles is real and is everywhere. As I always say the Ancient Aliens people are taking clues from the derailed tin hats shippers that the spn fandom has.

And yes you are right, the jaysjays have the most crazy and out of touch with reality fans. I remember a few years ago, I think spn was on his 4th or 5th season, there was a girl in the imdb forums, that said she was married with jinsing, she even had his last name on her user id. My gods, the things that lady wrote! And she was all over the net, she was well known in the community and I think she was a stalker, like something really serious. It went on for a couple of years, It was really scary. I see a lot of their fans doing almost the same shit now. I read one of them that didn’t want to see family videos of jordash because they made her feel sick. WTF? Dangerous people there. It’s a problem when you don’t know where fantasy stops and reality begins. I feel for their poor kids. Really.

I don’t see the same extreme behaviour with Misha, YET, I pray to the gods it never happens, but he surely gets part of it with some of the worst shippers out there. As you say, they don’t care about his charities, his work, Random Acts and the general amazing stuff he does. I think they don’t give a fuck really, that’s why it makes me so mad that they call themselves Misha’s fans. Mmm nop, they are not. They are shippers, the worst kind. The kind that lives through fantasies and blog stuff about them fucking, only. There are shippers that are NOT like this, we have to stay true too, and say it like it is. They have theirs ships but they are not obsessive, sadly they are a minority these days. I feel for them, I know they want to ship in peace and they don’t want to be mistaken with the crazy ones. It’s a shame really. Although I don’t ship cockles at all, I guess everyone has a right to ship whatever (except incest ugh) in peace. 

I really want Misha to receive the notoriety he deserves, but not because of a fucking ship, but because of all the awesome work he does everyday. You can’t call yourself his fan, and later don’t give a fuck about his charities and how the guy practically doesn’t sleep sometimes to try and bring a little light into this fucked up world. It makes me mad, it makes me furious. And it makes me really sad. We are always saying he deserves better in relation to the show. He also deserves better from some of his “fans”.

This got really long, but I blame you anon this time :D, sorry you know I don’t have an edit function on my brain. 

I send you a hug!

[boulevard-of-wayward-thoughts]

Angel - Barry Allen imagine

Barry Allen x female reader

Word Count: 1967

Fluff for this Valentine day Tuesday

Summary: (Y/N) has received a love letter. The problem, she doesn’t know who sent it. The other problem, she is already in love with someone else

 Within seconds you stole my attention Skin so perfect, a golden complexion More than beautiful girl, you’re a work of art Oh, my, I cannot believe my eyes Oh, my, pinch me, am I dreamin’, am I? Oh, my, did you fall from the skies?

I can’t see your wings, but girl, you’re an angel Oh, my, my angel You’re so out of this world, you’re hiding your halo Oh, oh, my angel Oh, my, my angel Won’t you be mine? My angel I can’t see your wings, but girl, you’re an angel Oh, my angel

Your heart melted once more when you read those words for what seemed the millionth time today. “You are reading that thing again?” Caitlin asked “Yeah” you sighed dreamfully “I can’t help it. Every time I use the phone I have, no, need to read it” “It’s a shame you don’t know who sent it” she commented while sipping her coffee. “I’m kind of bumped about it too. I mean, they could have written an initial or,  I don’t know, something at least!” You said exasperated. Since the letter arrived on Valentines day, attached to a bouquet of flowers with no remitent, you had been thinking of who the person might be. However, no one seemed to fit in the description. And to be honest, you were a little bit scared to reveal the identity, since your heart already belonged to another person.

Barry Allen, his name already causing a tickling feeling in your stomach. And speaking of the devil… “Hey Bar, how is it going?” You greeted him when you saw his exhausted face “Julian. I swear-” he sighed exasperated “I better get you a coffee” Caitlin offered since she was about to leave. “Thank you” replied Barry with his face still buried in his hands. “Why don’t you ignore him? You have tried to be friends with him If he doesn’t want to, why waste time?” You reasoned “I’ve tried! But his always on my ass. ‘Mr. Allen have you done this, have you done that. Your break its at one o'clock, not at 12:59” he mocked him Caitlin handed him his coffee “Don’t think about it. Relax for a little, (Y/N) can stay with you, right?” She suggested. It’d have been kind of awkward if you had been left alone with your crush. But he wasn’t only your crush, he was one of your best friends too (which made the whole ‘crush’ thing more complicated) After Caitlin left, you had a few minutes of silence before Allen broke it “What about you, something exciting in your life lately?” You could have told him about the letter, though it didn’t seem right, so you just used the plain answer of ‘Nop’. “Really? Because I’ve been catching you on your phone more frequently than usual. New fanfic?” He asked Your checks turned red and you hit his shoulder playfully “Okay, okay I just wanted to know what’s been up with you lately, angel” he smiled with his hands up in surrender. “There’s nothing wrong” you lied “just living la vida” “I bet you are” he muttered before taking another sip of his cup “Hey look what time is it” you said looking at your phone “I need to get back to the office. And you sir” you enphazised the last part “you need to get back before Julian kicks your ass for being late, again” “Yeah, yeah” Together you made your way to the door, and after saying your farewells, you took your respective paths. While you walked down the familiar streets, you couldn’t help but feel that something was different. Not with the place, but something had happened. Something you cannot quite put your finger on. This thoughts still roamed in your mind while you worked. What is it, what is it. You had gone through every detail of your day, but still couldn’t find anything of importance. You had woken up, coffee, went to work… the usual… you had had lunch with Cait, then Barry. He just took a coffee, maybe that was what was bothering you. I mean, he needs to take like 100000 calories a day, a coffee for lunch seems poor. And then you’ve just gone back to work. Uhm… maybe it was something Cait said… You didn’t recall any exciting news… maybe the talk with Barry… nah, nothing new… wait… Oh my god! ‘Okay, okay I just wanted to know what’s been up with you lately, angel’ Could you be making this up? I mean, no one calls you ‘angel’ but… “The letter” you finished your thoughts “Oh my Chuck! Barry wrote the letter!” You said outloud, which made a few heads turn to your direction. You were freaking out. Had your crush really send you the most heartfilled letter you have ever read? Does Barry have a crush on you too?! Your brain was making plots, tryung to explain everything. Your face was flushed, your breath fast, and if you hadn’t been siting on a chair, you would have probably fall, since your legs were weak and shaking as fast as your hands. 'I need to see him, or else I’m going to burst’ with your mind racing, you made your way to your boss office, to say that an urgency had come up, and that you needed to leave. But not to worry, you’d do the hours you are gone, tomorrow. After she seemed satisfied, you left in a rush. Your legs were walking fast as you traced on your mind the shortest route to the CCPD. You were out of breath when you reached your destination. “Miss, can I help you?” The lady on the desk asked You were kind of lost, not knowing who had talked to you untill your eyes settled on the woman on the counter. “Yeah, yeah” you came closer, your hands tight on the strap of your bag “I’m looking for Barry Allen, forensic scientist” “And you are…?” Of course, you face palmed internally, who would call a scientist, at the police station, on work hours. Unless you were a police officer or something, it was stupid. “I-I’m a… friend” “Well, I’m sorry, but you can catch up with him after his shift is done” the woman replied You lost your words. Now that your mind wasn’t in a rush, reality crushed your plans. And the worst, the question of  'What if this is a mistake?’, made your heart break in a million pieces. “(Y/N)! what are you doing here?” You looked to the owner of the hand that was on your shoulder “Joe! I mean, Detective!” “Don’t worry Karen, she’s with me” he reasurred the lady. He gesture you to follow him, which you did, to a place where you could talk “So, what are you doing here kid?” “I was looking for Barry” you replied a little nervous “its kind of important” “It must be to make you come all the way down here” he smiled “come on, his lab is upstairs. If anyone asks, you are with me” “Thank you Joe” you breathed before turning away. Suddenly, your feet stopped and you went back to him “Joe, can I ask you something?” with a nod of his head you understood he was listening “do you know if…” come on, now you have yo say it “Barry…is fond of me, in some kind of…way?” You cringed at your own words Detective West looked at you “Well, you too are best friends” come on you know what I mean… “but I guess that if you are looking for a different answer, you might as well ask him yourself” his eyes were focused on something behind you. Turning around, you spotted the handsome young man himself carrying a folder “Hey (Y/N), they told me you were looking for me” You didn’t know what to do. This is really happening now… …. Nop, okay maybe another time, bye! “Yeah, but now that I think about it… You know what, it’s nothing, forget it. I better go” Oh come on! Don’t be a chicken! Woman up! Taking a deep breath, you spined and made your way to a confused Barry “No. Actually, I wanted to talk to you” your bipolarity kind of scared Barry, who gave the papers to the Capitan before leading you to the stairs to the street. “So…” he was in front of you, his back resting on the wall in a casual way. “Well I… I know you did it” it will be better if you are as clear as possible. “Did what?” He asked, and you knew he wasn’t taking this seriously until you answered “The letter. You wrote it” His whole expression change. His laid figure, stiffen. His soft eyes, wide in fear, and he shuttered “I don’t know- the what?” His acting skills are not that good for someone who has to hide their identity  from the world. You smug expression made  his rambling stop, hiding his face in his hands while letting out and exasperated breath, expecting the worst. However you completely understood his situation. “Bar” you pulled his hand away, tugging them so that he would look at you “I don’t know what you are thinking I’m going to do, but I know that if your dont explain me everything… well, you could miss something” He laughed bitterly “What is there to say (Y/N)? I like you. I like you a lot. And I didn’t have the guts to tell you on person. But then I saw how sad you sometimes were about not having someone special. I mean, I tried to let you know how beautiful and amazing you are, but you would say 'It doesnt work like that Bar, it has to be… someone’ ” he mocked you “So I thought, why not be that someone? I could tell you how magnificent you were without having to show my identity. And god, I still don’t regret it. Watching you so happy over such little thing. You smiled more, did you know that?” You were frozen. You had dreamed about this moment for years, but now that it had come, you found yourself not being able to respond. “You don’t need to say anything (Y/N). I understand this might be akward for you-” “Its not that” you cut him off “I-I..Its just that…” you took a deep breath “I like you too. A lot actually” After you confessed, the air seemed more tense and awkward. You didn’t know what to do, you just stared at your shoes with your face flushed. You felt Barry moving, maybe he was going back to work. Luckily, you were wrong. He pressed his body against you, his hands finding their way to your hips. Then he started to push you gently against the wall, though the friction never ceased. When you head bumped lightly against the brick, he touched your forehead with his. You could feel his hot breath, his sculpted body, his soft eyes laying dangerously on your lips. Why hadn’t he done anything was yet a mystery. So you decided you’ll have to take action. With your cold hands, you brought his face closer, to be able to connect his lips with yours. He let out a moan of happiness, which made you giggle and break the kiss, though he was fast to reconnect your lips. “Would you like to go on a date with me?” He asked after a few minutes. You smiled opening you eyes and leaning more on his touch. “I would love to”

“Allen, next time you decide to leave so that you can make out with your girlfriend, remember that you are at work” However, even Julian’s comments couldn’t ruin that day.

[unkindsunshine]

51-100.

100 questions

Is a kiss considered cheating?- Ye

Have you ever faked orgasm?- Never had sex

If you could have one superpower, what would it be?- Flight or the ability to speak and understand any language (but for some reason my brain immediately went to invisibility??)

Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years?- No

Tell us some funny drunk story.- I’ve never been drunk

Why are you no longer together with your ex?- I’m bad at feelings, honestly I’m not sure

If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be?- Jumping off a high building in a big city while the sun was setting and all the lights were on. Dying without making anyone sad

What are your current goals?- Find a hobby/sport that I’m passionate about

Do you like someone?- Uhhhh

Who was the last person to disappoint you?- Myself

Do you like your body?- Meh, probably not

Can you keep a diet?- Yeah but not for long, and def not if my parents would find out

If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say?- some shit like “Be kind to everyone, even those you’re different from” or like “fuck off”

Do you work?- yeah

If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be?- Ramen, there’s a lot of possibilities so i wouldn’t get bored

Would you get a tattoo?- Yeah, I want a little flower one right under my right boob

Something you don’t mind spending all your money on?- art!!!!!

Can you drive?- Yeah, I don’t have my license yet though

When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful?- Idk man

What was the last thing you cried for?- I don’t remember

Do you keep a journal?- no

Is life fun?- no

Is farting in front of people irrelevant?- I mean yeah, but that doesn’t mean I do it

What’s your dream car?- A nice old one

Are grades in school important?- Idk anymore,, I could honestly make a whole post about this

Describe your crush.- pretty neat, likes horror movies

What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?- Dante and Aristotle Discover the Secrets of the Universe

What was your last lie?- Probably, “yeah, I’ll do something fun this weekend!”

Dumbest lie you ever told? - “I love you too”

Is crying in front of people embarrassing?- yes, always.

Something you did and you are proud of?- I got first on bars for nationals

What’s your favourite cocktail?- i’m not of age to drink

Something you are good at?- being boring

Do you like small kids?- probably not, they’re pretty obnoxious mostly

How are you feeling right now?- sad

What would you name your daughter/son?- laszlo

What do you need to be happy?- a passion/purpose

Is there some you want to punch in the face right now?- not really, I’m not in the mood

What was the last gift you received?- someone bought me a bible

What was the last gift you gave?- a phone charm to my friend

What was the last concert you went to?- BTS!!

Favourite place to shop at?- I really like yesstyle.com

Who inspires you?- min yoongi

How old were you when you first got drunk?- never

How old were you when you first got high?- never

How old were you when you first had sex?- never

When was your first kiss?- never, but hopefully soon though, bc damn

Something you want to do until the end of this year?- I don’t know

Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done?- like, everything?

Post a selfie.- sure, later

Who are you most comfortable around?- my cat (haha that’s sad)

Name one thing that terrifies you.- being boring until I’m old and die of natural causes

What kind of books do you read?- a lot of ya fiction but also some political/history non fiction

What would you tell your 12 year old self?- chill out you fuck, no one hates you. Also stop trying to be the hero, because u just end up being mean most of the time

What is your favourite flower?- hydrangeas

Any bad habits you have?- not returning texts, cancelling plans last minute, and procrastinating

What kind of people are you attracted to?- idk

What was the last thing you cried for?- Wasn’t this already asked

Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you?- any fat on meat

Are you in love?- no

Something you find romantic?- If you run ur fingers through my hair I will literally melt. (Preferably while I’m laying/leaning on you)

How long was your longest relationship? - around a year

What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?- when they want me to be emotionally vulnerable to them when I don’t want to- uh, most of them are very pretty and polite - i just mostly find them intimidating

What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? - they don’t know how to apologize - often don’t know how to see things from someone else’s pov - they make more $ than me

What are you saving money for?- music, art, and clothes

How would you describe your bad side?- jealous, rude, irresponsible with others’ feelings

Are you actually a good person? Why?- No I’m not, but I’m not bad. I could be better

What are you living for?- who knows,, other people I guess

Have you ever done anything illegal?- I’ve definitely trespassed?

Do you like your body?- didn’t we answer this? No

Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?- I guess (my parents)

Ever sent nudes?- nop

Have you ever cheated on someone?- no

Favourite candy?- snickers

Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it!- @wroxs and a whole bunch of bts art blogs (I have post notifs)

Do you play any computer games?- not really

What is your favourite game?- sims 4

Favourite TV series?- Turn: Washington’s Spies

Are you religious? Does God exist?- yes, and yes

What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?- Dante’s Inferno, and not really

What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism?- it’s cool, I’m just not

How long have you been on Tumblr?- too long, please don’t look at my archive (I think since 2014, so 3 years)

Do you like Chinese food?- ye

McDonalds or Subway?- depends on my mood

Vodka or whiskey?- I like the idea of vodka more

Alcohol or drugs?- alcohol

Ever been out of your province/state/country?- yeah, all of the above. Most recently I went to Georgia

Meaning behind your blog name?- I’m not nice, but my aesthetic is

What are you scared of?- we answered this too

Last time you were insulted?- Last year, behind my back

Most traumatic experience?- my emotionally abusive friendship in elementary school- and like, my first girl crush killed herself when I was 13

Perfect date idea?- take me out for coffee in a city, we walk everywhere or take the subway

Favourite app on your phone?- Music or Clawbert (it’s so cute)

What colour are the walls in your room?- yellow

Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?- yeah, I like @tha and dodie

Share your favourite quote.- I mean it’s not that great of a quote, but I try to live by, “Honesty is the best policy”

What is the meaning of life?- be nice to people while you’re here

Do you like horror movies?- not really, but I don’t dislike them

Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?- yeah, I ignored her and my dad and was rude to them for a solid week and a half

Do you feel lucky or special in a way?- no

Can you keep a secret?- yeah