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teriwrites · 4 months ago

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Below (Rewrite): Part 1

My Live Reaction to Reading Through My 2012 Novel

Once again a story with no chapter divisions, so I'm gonna make this up as I go

We open into a brief dream sequence, in which Kristen recalls her life before, in which, apparently, she was a rich bitch

'I tried to keep my dream going. I pretended like I wasn't going to wake up in a slave camp for mutants, practically at the scientists' mercy. I pretended like I hadn't lived every day for the past two years in torture, hadn't almost worked myself to death.' good news folks, Kristen is still Like That in draft 2

No more dramatic emphasis that Lea's freaking nine years old! now her age is introduced very casually

"I really can't afford trouble right now." *pulls her sleeping roommate out of her hammock by the hair*

Whoooa we're actually seeing her mind reading in action!

Early introduction to Trinity?? I'm guessing, since she's a 20ish blonde woman lol

Classic 'looking into the mirror to describe appearance' scene

"bright red-orange hair" THANK YOU, i KNEW she was a ginger but literally got no confirmation of it in the first draft

'Underground, there isn't much light, and the fields were huge, so generally seemed lit like a cave.' this may come as a shock, but you are describing a cave

Introduction to the new cast member! Max seems pretty chill, an established friend of Kristen's, but this sixteen year old dude has beef with the nine year old for some reason

Much more realistic walking distance of one mile rather than ten lmao

Whooooa Lea glows when she does her whole 'manipulating dreams/sleep state' now

'They looked pretty for brown eyes.' BITCH BROWN EYES ARE LITERALLY GORGEOUS WHAT DO YOU MEAN?? so sorry to everyone with brown eyes, 14-year-old Teri was delusional

Nick, who has just collapsed and broken his ankle, absolutely chill as he explains the damage

Mary's backstory in this draft is that she took a job at the Institute and, seeing what they were doing, FEIGNED HAVING POWERS to be sentenced to their labor camp, so that she could act as the compound's nurse, what a fucking hero

Government is now not just unaware of the Institute but probably paid off to ignore it

Kid with a broken ankle forced to walk on said ankle A Lot in this scene

'Not only could she control subconscious dreams, she could detect daydreams.' that feels like a traumatizing superpower for a 9-year-old to have ngl

"What's the 'Institute of Discovery'?" I asked, thoroughly confused.' girl you just introduced all of us readers to the Institute like a page ago wdym

Kristen and Max planning out an escape route and fully intending to leave Lea behind, Kristen shocked that Lea is upset to learn about this

Lea is winning the most jaded 9-year-old of all time

Like: "The government doesn't know. The Institute has agents from the CIA and FBI paid off to make cover-ups. Everyone that isn't funded by the Institute believes that they are an old, abandoned graveyard. The science building is small, so some think it's just an old, eerie church," Lea shrugged. Then she scowled, "Even if the government knew, they wouldn't care. Who needs some of nature's big goofs? Heck, the government might even fund the Institute if they knew!"

(okay but who's gonna tell her those organizations are, in fact, part of/tied to the federal government?)

'I turned around and spotted Betty, the twin sister of the angry Hulk.' actually?? love that description of her lmaoooo

Draft 1: 'Betty gasped, and then started shaking with anger.'

Draft 2: 'I could feel the anger radiating from her before she spoke.'

okaaaay Teri I see the glow-up!

"You speak as if you could lead a person out of an empty room." oooo the girls are fighting

I just used 'pork chop' as an insult lmaoo Lea is ~quirky~

wtf there's a girl in this underground compound with hair that's 'white with red highlights. She reminded me of a mint.' where is she getting the hair dye?? is that supposed to be natural?? is it intentional???

Nicole's made her first appearance! Kristen's first time seeing her in the compound. She's................ having a hard time adjusting (insulting her and all the other mutants. a lot.)

Reader Beware: this story contains Milk Drinking Propaganda (my family were all big milk drinkers growing up lol)

Kristen is apparently the head of her 'league', despite being 15

Lea is a twin???

'I knew why my friends were always giggling in Max's presence, but I honestly just saw him as a friend. There was nothing going on between us, and I highly doubted that there ever would be anything there.' i'm sure this comment will age So well and definitely Won't create the basis for a love triangle

I mean literally on the same page, Max is basically vibe checking her for the two of them running away together and starting a life elsewhere, like... girl... it's totally okay to not have feelings for someone else! but you're not That blind to what's going on here, right??

'Max hadn't seemed to think this through. For someone who had spent most of his three years underground thinking of how to escape, he hadn't thought much through.' get his ass lol

'I couldn't stand feeling like I was alone.' okay!! actually some solid ground for character development!! love that!!

seemingly Nicole can see ghosts?? that's my only guess about this scene. girl surprised she can see her, wants to eat but immediately drops the tray of food, have no idea what else would be going on there

Confirmation that sometimes non-mutants get thrown into the Institute. R.I.P. to Shawna (i'm guessing this character is the new Shawna)

Broooo finally a reason for Lea taking the top hammock!! They are known to snap, and Kristen would rather have Lea collapse onto her than the other way around. Which works well enough for this!

Kristen was Such a Mean Girl in high school omfg

Like even in this dream sequence! 'Josh thought that he was amazing, but he was really just an idiot that nobody liked, and I was the only one willing to tell him so.' they're both 13 year olds in this memory

(also wow another dream sequence already?)

'Tyrone was the greatest jock of our grade. If a girl didn't have at least a tiny bit of a crush on him, she was either insane or just plain out tasteless.' pretty unhinged thing to say, but i have to admit that i prefer this approach to the topic of ~boys~ than the old 'I've never seen a boy, actually, never looked at one twice, I've definitely never had a Crush that would be ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' of the first draft

'I wanted to make sure that Josh's day was as horrible as it could be.' GIRL PLEASE you Just rejected him brutally and publicly!!! leave the kid alone!

Kristen might be evil, actually. No other way to describe the way she just sent this dude essentially a 'kys' DM in his own brain (not quite That dark, but like... not far off)

Betty was actually in Kristen's class in school. Got caught as a mutant because while helping people lift up some heavy objects, 'had accidentally lifted up a teacher's car.' yk, as you do

'He introduced himself as 'Ben'. I doubted that we'd remember each other's names anyways.' hah, that's your love interest girly

'He looked over at me, startled to see someone else at this hour, and then just moved over so that I could sit. I didn't know why he would have done that, seeing as the hallway was super long, but appreciated it and sat down next to him anyways.' lol the visual of someone scooting over when literally the entire space is open is a lil silly

omfg Ben has essentially just admitted to Kristen that he has a lil crush on her and she is completely oblivious yet again

'Why that would matter while we were in a slave camp, I didn't know, but I decided that I wouldn't be rude.' omfg Kristen's really like 'bro, this dude's priorities are Whack' and she's so right

Okay I'm gonna stop here for now. If I cover ~8.8K in each part, I can get through it in a week. So!

Ending Thoughts

This story is definitely more put-together and 'well-crafted' than the first draft. I can tell that I was taking the project a bit more seriously than when I was writing about the 'one million scientists' and 'walking 20 miles in the time between sunset and nightfall'. Characters are a little more centered, the details align a little more cleanly, things like backstories and appearances a little more fleshed out. That said, I do a little bit miss the absolutely unhinged character voicing that the first draft had. Everything! Was! Important! All! The! Time! in such a goofy way. Taking myself more seriously I think constricted some of my allowance for these characters to take the narrative by the horns and lead it wherever they wanted it to go. And restraint can be a good thing, but it also loses a little bit of its character. That said, I'm loving to see how much of a distinct difference there is the writing between 2011 and 2012! Like clearly that was a good year for my craft, between Hell Hath Frozen Over's intentional absurdity, and now this!

#teriwrites down memory lane #my wips

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crookedfandomquill · 1 year ago

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"Hotel King" Rewatch: Episode 1

Let’s address the elephant in the room: if I had a dollar for every time Lee Dong Wook and Lee Da Hae played love interests in a fake-out incest plotline…

Tragic backstories are like blood in the water and I am a hungry-ass shark

I’m sorry but his name being Jayden will never not be funny to me. I am from the American South and I know multiple Jaydens, all of whom are polo-wearing white boys ages 5 to 26 whose moms sell knock-off essential oils out of the backs of their minivans. I can’t take the name seriously in this context

“Is this heaven?” Oh honey no it really isn’t

Ah and the gaslighting begins. I’m remembering now that the main character in this drama is one of the more traumatized ones I’ve come across

Mmm yeah this is a good look for LDW. Not my absolute favorite (*cough* Soo Yeol *cough*) but objectively spiffy nonetheless

You know what, that party was so painfully lame that Chairman Ah saved it by falling to his death in the middle of it

Say what you will about the balls-to-the-wall plots of melodramas, but more often than not they deliver really incredible character writing. 30 minutes into the show you already know so much about Jae Won: he’s cold and full of anger, but he’s also idealistic and a bit naive (he genuinely thought Chairman Ah would acknowledge him and beg forgiveness if he just confronted him). He’s competent and driven but also completely beholden to his abusive father figure. He’s a man of few words and fewer platitudes, and the only thing sharper than the lines of his suit is his business acumen. Going back through the journey of getting to know the characters is my favorite part of any rewatch

Meanwhile, Mo Ne be sneakin’ (badly)

Gosh, imagine your beloved father has died and you make your grand return to the country by crab-walking in public, committing widespread property damage, and braining somebody with a large frozen fish

Oh look, it’s the manager who CARRIES A HORSE WHIP??? Look, she knows her aesthetic and she’s rocking it. And no patience for guests creeping on the maids, I can’t not stan

Alright, but the fact that our lead couple starts out with him thinking she’s his secret half-sister/rival for his inheritance, and her thinking he killed her dad? It’s the messed up, angsty, weird, character-driven stuff that dreams are made of (mine, at least)

Mo Ne really said “I want lots of money and zero responsibility” and let me tell you I felt that in my broke 20-something soul

Very strong soundtrack on this drama tbh, even if it does get repetitive after a while

Overall rewatch thoughts: I’m a ho for intrigue and this drama has so much of it, no wonder I binged the whole thing in about two days the first time around. The acting is as good as I remembered it, the secondary characters are so promising just from the first episode, and the vice chairman really makes my skin crawl. Knowing all the insane twists and turns the story takes just makes the rewatch extra fun. Safe to say that I have been thoroughly dragged back into Hotel King!

#hotel king #kdrama #lee dong wook #rewatch #love me a good melodrama #lee da hae

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blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk · 2 years ago

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I love love love your Cheslock content and the tragic backstory you have for him - maybe a fluffy piece where reader can empathise with him and they comfort each other?? If this is too much then feel free to ignore!!!

I hope this is the kinda thing you meant!! aaaaaaaa my HEART-

Most of the time, CHESLOCK keeps his vulnerability close to his chest, even with you. At first, anyway.

He’s told you some things about his childhood, about the awful things his father put him through. And more than anything, he brushes it off. “It wasn’t that much, y’know?” “Ain’t like he did it all the time.” “Other people had it worse, it ain’t a big deal.”

He acts like it doesn’t affect him. But you know it does, even when he tries not to show it. So what if his father didn’t do a bunch of things? A single event is enough to traumatize a person, let alone a handful.

When you visit his home for the holidays, though, it becomes that much more evident how much that one thing haunts him.

It’s the way he sits hesitantly on the piano bench, the way he barely touches the keys, the way he’s careful not to play when his father is in the house. He never plays the same song twice, even when his father isn’t around. He also doesn’t dare to take his violin out of the carrying case despite the fact that he brought it to play a song for his sister.

You settle yourself down beside him while you’re alone in the house, while the rest of his family are out visiting one of his father’s friends. (He probably should have gone. You wonder if he’ll hear about it later; that his father’s youngest child came and his oldest ‘couldn’t be bothered’ or something, even though Cheslock’s an adult.)

“You should play my favorite one nonstop until everyone gets back,” you grin as you lay your head on his shoulder.

“… Y’know I can’t.” There’s a smile in his voice, as if he’s trying to keep things light. Trying to avoid talking about it. “Play y’ a medley, though, if y’ want.”

You reach over and hit a sour note on purpose with a soft laugh. “You can with me. I’m not going to hurt you.”

He shakes his head. “I know, love, I know. It’s jus’… I…” A sigh, and he brings his hands down from the keys. “Every time I try to play anythin’ more than once round here, I… start thinkin’ ‘bout what happened back when I was young, so… I… I can’t.”

It hurts your heart, thinking that the man you love has been so hurt that he just can’t bring himself to play a song more than once while he’s at home. Even when the person who hurt him isn’t even around, his mind just won’t let him do it.

The details of the incident are fuzzy as he’s told them to you. Maybe even as his own mind remembers them? You can just envision your partner, ten or so years younger, sitting at the piano and excited by playing a song he loved. Only to be hit hard enough that it left a scar over his eye, by the gift his parents had given him, and by someone who may have done similar things before but never anything so… personal.

You can only imagine the pain. The way that you can feel those things, the emotions are the worst part of it. What could he have possibly done to deserve to be hurt so badly? He must have thought it was his fault, because his father surely told him it was. That he was irritating and to stop playing that same thing over and over.

More than anything, the feeling of something that he loved, that violin bow representing all his passion for music, being used to beat a ‘lesson’ into him ― it’s horrifying.

“I’m sorry,” you murmur. You gently wrap your arm around his waist, nuzzling against him. You can feel how terrible that memory is, to the point that tears are gathering in your eyes. “It must have been really scary, wasn’t it? What he did really hurt you. I understand why you can’t… I just… wish he hadn’t done that to you.”

He frowns down at you, likely only because you’re crying. You don’t think anyone has ever felt hurt for him before. Maybe because he doesn’t tell a lot of people about this. It’s debatable whether he’s even mentioned it to his friends.

Almost immediately he has his arm around you as well, and gives you a kiss on the top of your head. “Darlin’… y’ don’t need to… I mean… it hurt, but it was a long time ago. I…” Here his voice breaks, if only briefly. “… I wish he didn’t, too. But there ain’t no changin’ it. It’s happened already. Why are y’ cryin’ over somethin’ y’ can’t change?”

After a moment, you glance up at him. You lift your hand and wipe away the tears starting to well up in his eyes. “Well, why are you?”

The piano is forgotten fairly quickly. It doesn’t take long before the two of you are in each other’s arms, tears shed over something you don’t think he’s ever allowed himself to cry over after it happened.

With any luck, that means he might finally be allowed some small measure of healing from it.

#abuse tw #trauma tw #Black Butler #Kuroshitsuji #Cheslock #reader insert #romantic #hurt/comfort #fluff #domestic #UGHHHHHHHHH I'M CRY-#one hell of a queue

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ispreadrabieslikewildfire · 1 year ago

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Please tell me about Harper and Feena!

OMEHAGUROHMEGAUR OKOKOKOKOKOKOK SOSOSOOSOSOSO (thamk yo uso much TEHE) alao im sorry if this makes NO SENSE im spilling my head into paragraphs and not proofreading rhis is gonna end HORRIBLY but i hope you enjoy😭!

Anwyay so harper and feena started when @thatbiblicallyaccuraterat asked me to draw a silly guy eating monster much and he turned into harper (ill link some pictures to show) and he felt lonely so i made him a friend called feena and theyve been a thibg since then HOLY SHIT I THINK ITS BEEN 2 YEARS?????

Harper and feena r supposed to be my silly ocs that are my go toos when i start daydreaming and drawing! Their not supoosed to have too much trauma and stuff (IM CONTAINING MYSELF) so i camt head empty and harper its also so when i draw them they make me happy they are my happyness. So becazue i cant give them trauma i make altermate realitoes where i CAN give them trauma!!

Im gonna make sections so i caj explain everthing so it can atleast try to make sense

1. THEIR RELATIONSHIP :3

Ok so when i started I made them friends ofc!! And i thought they where cool as hell so i started thinking about their relationship and i was thinking how wierd it would feel if they where a couple so their thing is that their completely platonic and are jist realy close friends that are realy comfortable with each other, i wouldnt say like 'siblings' but more like that one cousin that your realy close with. I like to think of them as denji and power from chainsaw man (however i see denji and power as more of siblings) but no matter how close they get with eachither they dont feel anything romantic :3 i have a thing that when they where 14/15 they where like fuck it lets kiss and they hated it!!!!! they wanted to die!!!!!

I also have different ages for them i draw them as for whatever mood im in! So i have toddler harper and feena (theyve met in primary school) and then children harper and feena (10-12) and then theres also teen (14-16) and preadult idk forgot what its called (17-19) and adult! (20-22) by 20-22 they have an appartment with 2 other roomates nadia and caspian i dont realy have a story for them yet however they do have designs. So basically they jsut spend their entire lives together as besties and this is their main world where their happy and have no trauma and are just silly!!

2. Sexualities n stuff

Well im nor good at this stuff since i realy have no kmowledge but i kinda just peojected me and @thatbiblicallyaccuraterat onto them...

Harper:

Bisexual, he/they. Dyslexic and/or is on the autism spectrum idk i dont think much about this

Feena:

Aro/ace or Asexual i havent decided, goes by anything. I honestly dont even know she is any and all illnesses

3. Childhood and all

So i dont wanna give them a traumatic childhood since their my silly chracters!!

HOWEVER, they do have some sort of backstories.

Feena:

Some sort of religious trauma, her family where 100% praise our lord and saviour jesus christ and she didnt feel part. Knew what she was when she was a teen and after harper came out and was more comfortable. Didnt tell her parents until she moved out, (they very obviously didnt take it well) however is still in touch with them!! Their just kinda realy uncomforable whenever the subject changes to jesus or gay stuff idk.

Harper:

Twas a bit (a lot) stupider than most people his age (austismmmmm) his parents payed more attention to their sisters so that they could have a better education instead of wasting their time on a child thatll never learn and refuses to listen (wasnt diagnosed till he was an adult so they thought he was being annoying purposefully). Tbh just whats a hug LMAO. He came out to his parents, they told him it was just a phase and theylll get out of it eventually.

So ya!

4. The cats need their own section

So ive always eanted these 2 cats, one called jester one called mariposa. So if i cant have them whats better than having my oc that represents me having them?

This is jester! (SHES PREFECT THIS IS HOW I ENVISION HER)

This is mariposa :3

5. Universes

Like i said since i dont want harper and feena to have too much trauma i create new universes for them! Other than my main ailly one theres another 3 i favour out of all the ones i make

1. I made a dystopian after apocolypse one (MY PERSONAL FAVOURITE ITS SO FUN TO MAKE!!) where the aftermath is that the world (well at leats where their living) is split into two, the privlidged and less priveledged (I NEED NAMES FOR THESE I DONT HAVE ANY) anywwy what i think i can best decribe this as is like the hunger games, where theres the 'capitol' and the 'districts' but instead of there being districts its all just survival of the fittest L lmao so yah. So after the apocolypse harper and feena are split up. Feena ends up with the privileged and harper ends up with the less. Harper finds a place he can call 'home' (FOUNDFAMILYFOUNDFMILYFOUNDFAMILY) and feena ends up on the other side where she gets her memories wiped and she then hets brainwashed to belive she was sent down as a gift from god during hard times and everyone is supposed to worship her (tehe i wont bother yiu with any more of this story)

2. Silly little 80s teen ghost busting show like scooby doo with harper feena nadia and caspian

3. detective harper and feena (havent built a lot)

6. I FORGOT TO ADD DYNAMIC

So basically feena can be smart when she wants to but chooses to fuck around with harper, quite a bitch if you guys just met. Pretty resereved when shes around people she doesnt know amd her social skills arent great. If you give her a chance she can be quite nice and passionate. Can ramble for hours on ends

Harper, guys hes trying his best. Loud, can ramble for hours on end too.

And thats all i can think of...sorry for ramblong so much i jist realy love them. i dont expect anyonw to actually read this... Once again this is just me projecting me and @thatbiblicallyaccuraterat onto harper anf feena!

Thank you @rainbowghostcat sososoososo much i love youuahahhah <333

Ill attach drawing of them in the mprning!

#IM sILLY!!!#I love my ocs #Harper and feena #projectinf frfr

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lauratheghost · 1 year ago

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I'm gonna complain for a while right now 😂

If you don't care about stranger's problems, this is your warning to scroll.

Also if you don't like hearing about dental problems, you should also scroll.

But I'm having literally the most annoying year ever and I need to just vent to strangers on the internet for a minute.

The day before Christmas, I'm just eating a grilled cheese and one of my back molars just breaks out of nowhere. And of course it's a Friday evening and a holiday weekend so I can't call my dentist until Tuesday.

I go in like a week later my dentist is like "yeah I can't fix that. You need to have it pulled." So I'm like "okay that sucks, but whatever."

So I make the apt to have it pulled and it's for like a month later. So in the meantime I just have a broken tooth for a month.

And then it gets infected. So I go on antibiotics. Finally the apt comes and I walk there (after having an anxiety attack pretty much)

And when I get there I'm not even on their schedule. So I go back the next morning to get my tooth pulled.

(Backstory, my dentist is an asshole. He thinks he has "dry humor" but he's actually just rude as hell and so awful and mean.)

He takes photos of my tooth and pulls it up on the screen and then proceeds to call the dental assistants over to come and laugh at the photo with him. 🙃😞

So that was cool.

Then he starts to try to pull the tooth but I can still feel everything- like the novacaine isn't working.

So he gives me more novacaine and waits precisely one minute before trying again. I can still feel it.

The assistant is like "do you think it's because she's on antibiotics" and he's like "no no it should have worked by now. If you can still feel it you need to go to a surgeon and get anesthesia."

So I go home and after like thirty minutes I'm wayyyy more numb then I was at the office. So I think the numbing just took longer because of the antibiotics and he was just inpatient.

I call the surgeon and they say they can see me in September. (It's like January now)

I have a complete meltdown.

Then my sister basically forces me to get another opinion by a different dentist. So I make appointments at this second office. I go there like a week later. These people are so much nicer- the only downside it that its much further away from where I live.

They look at my tooth and I meet the dentist and he's like "it's a shame you didn't come here sooner I could have saved the tooth."

So now I'm even more pissed at my old dentist. And I'm never going back there again.

But anyways, they schedule me to get it pulled like two weeks later.

I go back and they pull it, and it takes less than a minute probably. It was insanely easy and fast. But when the dentist is done he's like "good news and bad news"

And then he tells me that the broken tooth is out, but in the process, the crown on the tooth next to it came off.

So I once again, have another broken tooth now.

They put a temporary crown on it in February but it still aches all the time and isn't comfortable.

And now, on the opposite side of my mouth, I have a cavity somewhere but I can't pinpoint what tooth it is. But I can't eat anything hot or cold now until it's fixed and I swear I'm so sick of my mouth hurting and eating room temp food. 😩

I have an appointment in five days to hopefully fix the cavity, but I'm scared they aren't gonna fix the right tooth. 😭😂

Anywayssssssss

I'm trying to be positive now but first I just wanted to complain. I need to get it outta my system.

This whole ordeal has left me like traumatized though. I'm so scared to eat any food that's remotely hard now. And just being in pain everyday for like five months has really been getting to me. I actually signed up for therapy again over this 😂

I'm probably being dramatic

But pleaseeee let this year get better soon omg. 🙏🤲✨🖤

#personal #ramblings #complaining #long story #bad luck #dental #health problems #rant post

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saebeau · 1 year ago

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Hey guys. I'm back!

(Please, if you find any errors in the writing, I'm sorry, English is not my first language, I'm still learning and I'm definitely not going to go through Google Tanslate because GT is shit that I don't trust.)

So, we come to the end. I am so saaaaad. Well, my last post about Perfect Marriage Revenge got a lot of likes and reposts, so first off, thank you very much, I'm really surprised it was somewhat popular!

Then, as expected, some people asked me to do another post with more backstory and canon facts from the novel and webtoon.

So here I am. This will be long, be ready.

To differentiate from the previous one, in this post I will add the backstory, trivia and facts of all the main leads like some of the ones highlighted in some eps. Of course, i am also giving my very personal opinions.

!!!SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

1 - Yi Joo.

• She was adopted by Mr. Han FIRST WIFE. Yes, before marrying Jung Hye he had an official wife chosen by his family. Somehow this lady found out about Yi Joo and brought her home and this lady treats her well. Mrs. Han also knew about Mr. Han's affair with Jung Hye.

• Yi Joo for almost 15 years believed that Mrs. Han was the one who poisoned her with the macaron, but still grieved her death. The reason: she had memory loss! And in the “broken” glimpses she had she saw the “mother’s” figure appearing above that of Jung Hye who was in her house at that moment.

• She was a very lonely person throughout her life (+ in Yoo Ra's post), so her personality diverges from the drama. Novel|Webtoon she has a more serious, direct and insightful approach to people, she is kind and generous (much more confident!), but not as “naive” as in the drama. I can tell she is antisocial. She also didn't like being touched. Growing up, Yi Joo knew Jung Hye and Yoo Ra's true side very well and stayed away as much as possible (her marriage was a pass for that), she tried to at least stay close to her father, but he's an idiot, So, yes, no.

• Regarding her death, explaining the accident itself went like this: Yi Joo was hit by Do Guk's car, and Do Guk's car was hit by none other than Secretary Kim Jae Won's car right on the driver's side! YES! All of them at the same time, like, what the fuck!?

• EXTRA • I already explained a little about her relationship with Se Hyeok so just to be sure: Yi Joo wanted a family, a real family and Se Hyeok was chosen, obviously (he was her closest friend and now her husband) she I trusted and cared for him (apparently, him too), so it was perfect. But Yi Joo just wasn't ready to have any involvement like that (with anyone), she had a lot of trauma to deal with before starting any plan, she didn't have any feelings for him, never had, never expected but a couple hopes to have a child one day, so Yi Joo was taking her time, even with her mother-in-law being shitty. (+ in the Se Hyeok Family post.)

2 - Do Guk.

• In the novel | webtoon he is much more playful and funny. He is also good at seducing (Exclusive Yi Joo), even though he has “castrated” and “monk” as his nicknames. The women in his office are always trying to get his attention because he is super kind but still very difficult to approach. Do Guks is absolutely a pleaser for Yi Joo, he compliments and hype her up any time, anywhere, making Yi Joo very flustered.

• He is very traumatized by the accident with his brother Jung Wook, it was more detailed in the novel/webtoon; the two obviously had a fight, Jung Wook hurt his leg on the edge of the ship and fell but Do Guk also fell and almost died too! But his father, (that idiot) cared more about the boy who no longer had his mother instead of just taking care of both of them equally, so this only made Jung Wook more confident with his lame excuses and Do Guk more distant from his family , especially his father, since almost everyone thought he pushed Jung Wook, leaving him permanently disabled.

• Do Guk has a closer relationship with his sister than the drama lets on. She is always supporting him and giving him encouragement whenever he needs it. They're always joking or fighting with each other and at the same time they can have really deep conversations, like, super brother energy. After he marries Yi Joo, it seems they become even closer.

• I love how much he is like his mother in many ways: they are both very honest, understanding, never judge and fully embrace a person in need. He also has her smart and cunning side! He loves his family, that's clear, but he just can't stand the fact that no one believed in him and that's a thorn in his heart. Tru, in the middle of the novel, he starts to have more contact with his parents because of Yi Joo's family mess, they get closer and develop a better relationship after putting their cards on the table, especially because Jung Wook is with more and more reckless and Mr. Seo is "getting it" now.

• EXTRA • Many of you are curious to know how Do Guk met Yi Joo before the accident and was already in love at the time. Well, in the Novel, he was at a business party when he went out to the balcony to get some fresh air, and there was Yi Joo, in a beautiful white dress crying silently to herself. Yup, love at first sight. Very Do Guk thing.

3 - Yi Joo | Do Guk as a couple.

• Much of their relationship is portrayed very well in the drama. But I'm still sad because they took a lot out of the final script. They have many scenes, including some "steamy" ones that would make your screens shake!

• We absolutely know that they did the “deed” a lot. With Yi Joo initiating some of them on the novel. Speaking of intimacy, I understand that some of you were not satisfied with the reasons that led you to the first time, but personally, I like the meaning it has; Neither Yi Joo nor Do Guk knew how to fully express their feelings that time. It was too much for both of them. But one thing they knew is that Do Guk loves her and she is heartbroken and they wanted to make that clear, ease their feelings and comfort each other. In the Webtoon/Novel it is more romantic, more fluid and happened at the moment of realization and acceptance of Yi Joo's feelings for Do Guk.

• Do Guk and Yi Joo have great harmony, they embrace each other's desires, feelings and flaws so much that it makes every person around them "see" how much they love each other. This becomes clearer if you read the novel. Through their plans, they are very reassuring, supportive and loving at the same time as they carry many hesitations and fears for each other's lives, even more so after discovering that they both went back in time and she became pregnant.

• EXTRA • Do Guk proposes to Yi Joo again after they slept together and confess their feelings for each other some time later. He takes her to an amusement park, even though her fear increases a little. In the afternoon, when they are leaving, he stops her and confesses again and offers her a new ring and asks for her hand again. This represents their true beginning, now together. +EXTRA • THEY HAVE TWIN SONS AND A DAUGHTER. ♡♡♡

4 – Jung Hye (stepmother)

• She's a bitch. She is greedy, nasty and a liar. To be honest, there isn't much to say about her. Do you see the drama? She's almost the same. Starting with the comparisons, in the Webtoon / Novel she is not as elegant, to say the opposite, she is much more theatrical, she has a very expressive face but easily loses her composure when her mask is being ripped off.

• On Webtoon | In the novel (drama too) Jung Hye makes her presence felt by being a calculating person, she is manipulative and is very good at leading people the way she wants. One of the differences in the drama is that Jung Hye always knew that Yi Joo was the biological daughter, but never thought that Yi Joo would find out, especially after years of torture and psychological abuse, repeatedly remembering the fact that she is a stranger and no one would never be by her side. Mr. Han's constant alienation to his daughter's situation was all Jung Hye needed.

• All her life she lied and stole from men for her own gains and destroyed their lives. I don't believe Jung Hye has that backstory, she's just sadistic and selfish. I also don't believe they will put Jung Hye's past cruelties on screen, and I believe, she has done some bad things. One of them is related to Secretary Kim, so be prepared for that. (+ at secretary Kim Post)

• EXTRA • I could feign some merit for her character if she had any, but she's the villain; that's what she was made for, being evil and cruel in particular, she herself has no reasonable "reason" for being that way. She might have had a difficult childhood, neglectful parents or abuse and things like that, but none of that "explains" the things she did to Yi Joo.

5 - Yoo Ra

• So, this bish right here. How can i explain this pathetic spoiled nasty girl?! Yoo Ra is selfish and jealous, we know that many of it was lead after many years of her mother manupulation, (you can see on the last episodes) that's f*cked up and sad at the same time. She's being raised by the evil itself and this evil is her mother, the only person caring for her. It is hard to explain. Yoo Ra's personality was constructed to be best by any meaning, with the same finality, being better than Yi Joo and overtrow her.

• In the Webtoon | Novel she is way more cinic, her feigh innocence give me chills too. She's always wants to shine brighter, to have the best and take things that she thinks it belongs to her by any way, and this is a great reflection from her mother. She's always trying to make people pity her, thinking she's a angel (in special her dad) so people around are always focusing on the "most apparent" reason (she plays a lot with her words), her jealous and envious adoptive sister. She brings hell to Yi Joo. Oh, the way she plays the victim all the time, god, my nerves.

• In middle school, highschool and college too, Yoo Ra always carefully made people go against Yi Joo, making ger suffer a lot with bullying from Yoo Ra's friends. One in special is in the drama, the employee that gave food to Do Guk! That girl was a very close friend to Yoo Ra in high school, the girl didn't know but she was basically doing the dirty job for Yoo Ra: sending people to vandalize and destroy Yi Joo table and books, shoving and tripping her around the hallways, isolating, insulting and even putting threatning mensagens in Yi Joo's locker.

• Too bad for her that Yi Joo still met Soo Jin, Do Guks cousin that suffered bullying too (Yoo Ra didn't know that she belonged to the Seo family) because that helped a lot on the future when Soo Jin told her family about her being bullied because Yoo Ra was in the middle of it, so it's a important part in the novel.

• So about her ending, she deserved everything. Se Hyeok and his sister were nothing to her, just a pawn to hurt Yi Joo. But Yoo Ra was still carrying his child and Se Hyeok's family had to accept her because everybody knew the baby was his and if they didn't do it their "reputation" would be ruined. So basically Yi Joo life was now hers, but worse; she almost send her sister in law to jail, tarnished her mother in law image and broke Se Hyeok heart in the worst way possible add the fact the she basicaly ruined them financially. In the Webtoon | Novel, they had to sold the house and all luxury things to live. Yoo Ra was a mother at home, cleaning, cooking, washing and suffering with both mother and sister constant resentment and anger and Se Hyeok negligence.

• EXTRA • Her final scene is were she meet her mother at jail, she's says that she won't be visiting anymore and carry on with her life, she's sounds somewhat regretful and depressive for everything, but, at the same time, frustrated and angry with her situation and with her mother. But in the drama, GURL! Freezing shoulder, insults, bad atittude. DANG WOMAN! (*Insane clapping*)

6 - Mr. Han.

• Ugly ass, hate him, like, go to hell. Like literally, couldn't he hold thay d*ck on his pants a little bit?! For this i'm gonna make it short. I could keep talkind about his severe neglicence with Yi Joo, angry bursts and really evil words towards but this would just stress me out. As i said, i hate him, f*ck him.

• He met Yi Joo's mother when he was really young, but little time later abandoned her not knowing she was pregnant to marry his first wife. He started his affair with Jung Hye little time later, who was pretending to he his wife's friend. He tried to reach out with Yi Joo's mother but only knew about the fire and the deaths so he left this memory behind. He wasn't a good son too, never even remembering he had a sick dad. Aparently this family blood makes men turn into idiots.

• I don't really know how easily he was manipulated by Jung Hye, but his end was just deserving by how shitty of a person he was most of his life. Jung Hye poisoned him with a lot of pills for years, making him sick all the time, one day he tries to go down the stair, but fall, having a fracture and losing his legs movements, biding him to a weelchair. As fragile as he was, Yi Joo still drops the bomb the she is his daughter, that Jung Hye knew and now she was taking the family business. He keeps in denial for a long time until he sees his wife true face.

• He ends up alone, passing his years constantly helping Yoo Ra with money, still pitting on her, and being treated as nothing because he has nothing to offer anymore.

• EXTRA • About his ending on the drama, and the talk with Yi Joo's mother, i still hate it, he deserved worse. He's even in "good terms" with Yi Joo too! He was pathetic and coward. It was a considerably neutral ending for him, i can live with that but won't ever accept it.

7 - Seo Family

• Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference, put it in a blender, shit on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it. (thank u icon Lady Gaga)

• Despite his dad being a bit stupid, this family is what i truly desire in in-laws. They're suportive, kind, empathetic and the best of the best. In the Novel | Webtoon, there all more playfull, Mrs. Cha is who i love the most, she recognize Yi Joo the first time they meet but hides it. Mr. Han takes more time but tru the novel he just becames kinder and kinder.

• Do-Na and Jae Ho are super cute, they have a lot of scenes together in the Novel | Webtoon. They're lovely, Jae Ho being Do Guks best friend and brother in-law is such a mood. I would absolutely love a spin-off about their story. We love a good spin-off.

• Soo-Jin got a man too! We love a great best friend having a happy end. Love this girl.

• EXTRA • They go crazy when Yi Joo gets pregnant. Shes makes a anouncement to the family and they flip off after seeing the ultrasound showing the twins. It is so worthing seeing on the webtoon.

8 - Jae Wook

• He is way more evil. Egoist. Liar. Thief. Loves to do psycological terror on his family. Literally pretending to be disabled for almost two decades like, THE HELL?! For him i'm going to list his crimes.

• Theft. Embellzement. Murder. Atempt of murder. Many atempts to kill Do Guk + poisoned Yi Joo on a restorant while trying to corner her and puts her on a hospital bed. Paid someone to PUSH YI JOO OUT OF BOAT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SEA just to make Do Guk more traumatized because the poor guy jumped to save her. This is mind blowing. Both in the drama and Novel | Webtoon the bomb in the car is there and its TENSE!

• Look, this guy has absolutely abandoment issues but if he wanted to kill somebody, this person is his dad not his brother. Like, all his life he believed that was his dad that kicked his mother to the curb and separated her from him, so he planned and planned just to end up in jail, where his discover that his mother was the one who abandoned him by her own will to be with another man. THE CLOWN!

• EXTRA • His initial plan was to seduce Yi Joo. *trow up*.

9 - Se Hyeok.

• Fake b*tch. LOSER! I already explained everything about him on the other post. I won't waste time with this idiot. He never truly apologized to Yi Joo, i don't think he regreted much of it too. He passed the rest of his life with Yoo Ra, between hate and love, and with his bloodsucker family.

• F*ck him. Their last scene on the drama was perfect.

•Byyye.

• EXTRA • The way he got back with Yoo Ra was WAS AMAZING! I adore that they kept the original (almost) scene of him presenting his future fiance & family (a very rich one by the way) to to Jae Sook and Se-Hee and BANG! Yoo Ra's at the door claiming that she's going to live with them (she's got nowhere else to go) because she was with his child. LIKE?! In the novel, the hell breaks and she almost get physical with his mother, sister and fiance! The end.

10 - Se Hyeok's Family.

• His mother (Jae Sook) and sister (Se-Hee) were both greedy and mean people, always pressuring Yi Joo with money and luxury things. Yi Joo basically sustained the house were she was treated as maid but it was never enough for them (with Se Hyeok giving his back for the situation they were always bold).

• They made Yi Joo cook, clean and taking care both of the house and her own job without a moment of peace. Jae Sook was the worst one, she wanted a grandchild at any way just to have more rights about Yi Joo's heiritance, torturing poor Yi Joo about it and even making medical apointments to see why she wasn't still pregnant, not knowing that Yi Joo never even kissed Se Hyeok in her life.

• Se-Hee was the usual spoiled brat that never takes a "no" for a answer, ya'll see in the drama how bad she treats even her own brother. I think it was a great lesson for her almost going to jail about her posts on the internet about Yi Joo, she almost got crazy and i loved every second of it. In the Webtoon, she looks way more paranoic after discovering what time of person Yoo Ra was.

• EXTRA • KARMA GOT Y'ALL! XOXO!

11 - Secretary Kim Jae Won

• In the novel, he was adopted by his dad and was very loved. Some time later Mr. Kim met Jung Hye, married and aparently had a happy life (i don't know if Yoo Ra was already on the page that time). Then gradually his dad got sick and sick, getting worse to find his end binded in a bed and, even as a small kid, Jae Won suspected of his "mother". (I think she used some "pills" again?)

• His dad was a famous painter and had a great fortune so we can get why Jung Hye "popped out" since she was already on the market of falsifications.

• His dad died when he was pre-teens, Jung Hye got a way to have all the money and soon pushed him to the fartest orphanage. He held grudges all his life because he had this feeling that Jung Hye did all. Well, he came with a very brilliant revenge i dare say.

• EXTRA • He was way more charming on the Novel | Webtoon and had more personality (i don't know why they just made him almost a "blank paper", such a turn off). He was more active too in the plans.

12 - Jamie / Yi Joo's bio mother

• So, this woman suffered, i surelly could describe her suffering but i think y'all saw the drama, but the Webtoon | Novel made me tearful, truly. Mr. Han was bullshit. Her dad was bullshit. The Jung Hye comes and there's more sociopath bullshit to put fire on her house with a baby inside. Like, this woman did everything to survive alone after Mr. Han left her to get married to a rich family and still had to get almost killed by one of his lovers.

• As you know she discovered it all, and of course, revenge. I pity her because when Yi Joo found out about her it wasn't that calm as in the drama, Yi Joo even denies her existence. I can understand Yi Joo side because tecnically her mom watched her being abused, it was a misuderstanding, but she felt abandoned again and wasn't open to receive this affection now.

• A thing that i missed was her encounter with Jung Hye and THAT SCENE OHMYGOD WHYDIDTHEYLEFTITOUT!!!. You all remember that Jung Hye needed the votes to be the president, right?! So she called to the unknow 5% shareholder to meet AND WHO'S THERE?! Yes, the mama. Jung Hye don't recognize at first but Jamie just spilled the tea to her and she's f*cked. OH Jung Hye face was ahhhh?!!! I love the Webtoon.

• EXTRA • The webtoon it's on the final chapters but Yi Joo and Jamie reconcilied and doing well, of course, WITHOUT MR. HAN on their lives because that's what he deserves!

•••• SO MY FINAL THOUGHTS ARE...••••

I LOVE THE ENDING, THE FAMILY, THE BABY, GIRL, THE PAINTING, SE HYEOK AND YOO RA HATING EACH OTHER, JUNG HYE ON JAIL! That's everything i wanted, like, they left things that i loved out but still maintened the main plot and did really well. I would like to thank all the actors and actresses that put all their effort in this drama and made it perfect.

PERFECT MARRIAGE REVENGE <3 <3 <3 <3.

Thank you all the came here. Have a great night. Byyyeee.

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thegenderfluidace · 2 years ago

Note

fair points

I like that they made it easier to gain experience bc you can just send your pokemon out

story length for me personally doesn't feel much different

before I had my own switch I was able to borrow one from my dad's colleague and I played let's go pikachu and got through it in less than a day

Pokémon Y will always stay one of my favourites tho, amazing game

anyways, I believe I was supposed to remind you to tell me about your DnD game

Ah, suppose that’s fair. Idk I always get so distracted and then it takes me forever to finish the story, especially with all the exploration, so guess that’s why it feels longer for me

But!!! Yes yes!! I am absolutely gonna tell ya about the session!!

Okay so we started out and the prince decided, yknow what screw this and pulled out his blowgun and was gonna attack us, we’re still in the Inn in his and Kacis room. Alister goes to tackle him since we can’t really beat em up, I absolutely fail the roll so Alister trips on their wayyyy to long cloak, and I decide aw heck it and now Ali has just decided to give up and lay on the floor unless they become needed again

Prince goes shoots his dart, absolutely fails and misses completely

Kaci being the noble who does not wanna beat up the prince is like ‘ayy can’t we just talk it out? No need to fight cmon’ absolutely rizzes our guy and persuaded him to not try and hit Kaci and Ali but still has absolutely no trust in Ray which is completely understandable, he is Ray and also almost accidentally killed em whoops,

So now it’s Rays turn and seeing as the situation has deescalated, decides to tell him he doesn’t care and won’t actually go beat em up as long as he doesn’t do anything, like yknow, try and hit em with darts again

Prince is like fineee gives Kaci the dart gun and now Kaci and the prince have to get ready since they’ve not actually gotten ready yet. Ray decides to go downstairs for breakfast, picks up Ali who is still on the floor in their lil ball of cloak, and they go to breakfast

Kaci and the prince get ready and Kaci like the nerd he is decides to change his clothes in his sleeping bag and once hes done the prince has been done for awhile so they also head down to breakfast

Ray has eggs absolutely coated in pepper, he got them Emo eggs, Ali had toast, they also just look at the eggs and sneeze, like ray my dude that’s wayyy too much pepper. Kaci and the prince come down. Kaci also gets toast looks at rays eggs and sneezes. Prince decided he was good. Ray asks why he decided to run away, prince says he can’t answer here but he will when they leave town

They leave town to go return the prince to the castle. We get some lore dump. Turns out when the prince was lil his parents had him and his sister fight to the death for who will be heir to the kingdom. So yep my guy Richard killed his sister and he decided years later to run away because he didn’t want to rule. We also get some Kaci lore cause apparently his friend and their twin were also made to fight to the death and his friend killed his twin but couldn’t handle the guilt so he also died.

Also this is mentioned oh so incredibly casually, like we all got traumatic backstories and we all like yeah it happened or whatever

So yeah Ray was like okay fair, and went and kinda laid out the princes options. He either be a coward and run away or return and do nothing, or he could actually do something upon his return and if he wants they’ll even help him cause he doesn’t really want these psychos running the kingdom either

The prince is still incredibly unsure of even trying to do anything, while Ray is just like well these are the options, but Kaci doesn’t like how it feels like Ray is pressuring the prince and how Ray doesn’t understand what it’s like to be a noble or the situation

Anyway it ends up with Kaci and Ray having an absolutely heated fight, with both the characters and actual players getting genuinely mad for their point and I’m barely understanding and getting overwhelmed from the fight, so imagine Alister who genuinely understands like none of this

Eventually Ray is just done and is like fine I’ll just leave then and he starts walking away and Kaci is like fine and starts walking the other way telling Ali to follow and Alister is just left in the middle so so confused and conflicted and overwhelmed.

DM asks what Ali does and I decided the best course of action is to sit down in a ball and scream.

Kaci feels bad now and stops, Ray stops for a moment then keeps walking. Ray walks behind a tree and DM asks them to roll a D4, they roll a one and now Ray is Rhea. Personality/character swap time! We have not met Rhea yet so she just came out from behind the tree incredibly confused.

She sees Ali comes over and asks if they’re okay(which they are very much not) Alister just goes and cuddles into them, Rhea just picks em up while comforting them and basically being like welp idk where I am mind if I join? And so now we’ve got sweet baby girl Rhea

So they stop for a quick break so Ali can calm down. Kaci apologizes for letting things get so out of hand especially since they know Ali wouldn’t have understood any of it and really only heard the screaming.

They all chill out when Rhea starts a braid train, or more like hair doing/fixing train since it’s really only Kaci getting their hair rebraided, Ali getting the excess plant life out of their hair and it just fixed up a bit and the prince also getting their hair fixed a bit.

Kaci asks if they’re ready to go, Ali walks a bit away screams, comes back and says their good to go and off they head.

Rhea absolutely ships Kaci and the prince and so they go and walk farther ahead with Ali so the prince and Kaci can talk(Rhea does not know he is the prince)

Prince is annoyed that Kaci cannot properly clean their glasses so cleans em for em. Kaci accidentally fizzes the prince and they just kinda chat about life and stuff. Ali and Rhea just chatting meanwhile

Eventually Rhea sees a sparkle, goes over to investigate and finds a lake! Good timing since it’s starting to get late and they need to set up camp. Rest of the group comes over, Kaci falls down the hill to the lake whoops, sets up a fire and stuff. Alister is incredibly suspicious of the safety of this location as this is definitely the biggest source of water they’ve ever seen and most Underdark water sources are heavily guarded. Rhea just kinda plays around as well as sets up more of camp as well. Prince pulls out a lute, Ali has now seen/heard an instrument and is amazed yet still alert cause suspicious. Lil dance party ensues. Everyone gets ready to head in for the night basically when everyone with dark vision(aka everyone but Rhea) sees a large ripple/wave coming from the lake and that something is coming towards them. And that is where we finished last!(sorry that was long these are like 3+ish hour sessions)

And also right after we finished and all left and that I realized that Alister does NOT know how to swim, paddle, or even really how to stay afloat whatsoever. They have never been/seen a large/deep enough water source to ever even really try…. So this could go incredibly bad lol haha ^^''

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shnowbilicat · 10 months ago

Text

Old Scars Heal Slowly

-------------------------------

Healing from wounds takes a long time, especially once that you cannot see. Sadly I'm someone who carries many scars and many times they like to open up again.

Alright I'll drop the vagueness, I hate calling what I've went through 'traumatic experiences' but I also can't deny that many things in my life have been really messed up and that they left panaoid thoughts that ... sometimes are right.

You're free to read the whole vent below, but I'll summarize it here if you're still interested but too lazy to read through paragraphs or le tragic backstory~

It's funny that I have another character that was very well liked, but pretty much used as an object for someone else to injet their fanatasies into, and when I mentioned how uncomfortable it was for me, people lashed out. I don't know why strangers on the internet think it's totally cool to take someone else's character and jerk off to them. Maybe they're all kids who don't know any better? But that does not excuse that they're legit hurting the original artist ... me. I was hurt. I got paranoid to the gills, have a fcked up relationship with intamacy and am super defensive when it comes to other people wanitng to do something to/with my characters. Consent is still a very new concept I have the feeling ... and I'm so tired of fighting over other people about what I can or cannot do with MY characters ... *le sigh :'33

Okay, so now for a more indepth vent, yay!!

Kokuri started out as a Sonic creepypasta. I liked the concept of a powerful, stalking, creepy Sonic character, so I made him into an OC! His power made him into a god, his creepiness gave him a cool creepy horror form and his stalking ... yeah I made him into a perv and I loved him to bits X'D

I never had a perverted character and since I was a teen I could kinda explore my sexuality and stuff with him in a fun way- wait why are my followers really into him??

Yeah for some reason Kokuri was REALLY popular, so much so that many of my friends and followers started shipping him with their characters?? Luckily my friends understood that I was uncomfy, but some were not so nice. I remember getting a note where someone told me they 'omni-shipped' Kokuri and while I admit I was an emotional teen that had english as their second language, I still was uncomfy and tried to tell them to please not. Later a friend of theirs argued with me that I cannot control others, especially when I become big ... I hope yall know that it does not matter how big someone gets, people shouldn't just ... deny the original creator their wishes for THEIR OWN CHARACTERS. I know I cano't control them, but they can at least be nice enough to respect my wishes mmmmrgh.

Another example was that I had a back then recent friendship tarnished when the person drew their self insert with Kokuri and I told them nicely that Kokuri had a boyfriend ... and they started to be very upset and rude towards me. Or, ya know, that one time a very clingy, RP-happy 'friend' who was always venting to me about their mental health and family and always wanted Kokuri to be their self insert's boyfriend- wait I feel a deja-vu. But there's more! Bby me tried and tried to talk it out how much they tired me out, even RPing it out with Kokuri telling them off, but nothing worked. So, public journal canceling our friendship- ah shit they made a counter journal pretending to be their sister and how I made them attepting to end game. Yaayyyy~ Yall can imagine how it fucking traumatized little ol me :'333

SO! After I kinda drifted off from Sonic to FNAF it was peacefuly quiet, but I had a hard rule that my characters are not allowed to be shipped without my consent after all that bs.

Fast forward to 2023, I get a chat message on DA and someone was really interested with my FNAF boiz. I was ecstatic and rambled about my squad, since it's really rare to get new people on board on loving my bbys. Soon we pivoted over to Discord and ... they mentioned how they liked Rick n Keith, like REALLY really liked them. So far as to call them 'boyfriend material' and how they wished Rick actually existed and how he would be the perfect boyfriend cuz they wouldn't judge them. And I was like 'plz dun take this too seriously okay?? :'3' cuz I was uncomfy with them drooling over my boiz, but also not wanting to take away their joy. Cuz surprise surprise, they also had a bad life. I didn't wanna take away that potentially could help them cope with it all, but also, ya know, don't be creepy.

Aaaaand they asked me for a romance RP with Rick and their FNAF character. I declined, cuz remance RPs are uncomfy, no shit, but they continued being weird, always wanting my attention and being weirdly talkative about how X character was hot or smth, wanitng me to get into the stuff they like, being dismissive about things I liked, being very non-chalant on visiting them IRL (we barely knew each other for half a year too), not taking a no for an answer, etc etc etc

One of my biggest mistakes was giving into the romance RP some time later. The person managed to talk me into merging two of my AUs, FNOK my NSFW AU and my base FNAF AU. I dleted any murder from FNOK cuz I didn't like the implications of murder and naughties ... but now it was back in it! :D

Also remember their OC? Yeah, they didn't even have a design or name up until now- ah wait they are oddly similar to my RP partner and also they share a name? A fucking self insert?? Yeah, yeah it was a self insert and I'm 1000% sure about it. Also they wanted to have at least 5 sentence replies, without dialogue. Broskies, I was so mentally exhausted by it all ya don't even know.

Worst part? They also pivoted to having the hots for SpringTrap, asing how much animal to animatronic they are, how *ahem* rough SpringTrap would be in bed. You can imagine how little old me was very creeped and weirded out. Nothing against kinkiness, but if ya wanna get violated by a big ass rabbit monster, don't do it here thxx

Or some minor things were that the person was sharing their ideas for some FAR future plots or ideas for the RP. Like when Rick and their OC would live together ... bro, they just met in RP, chill your balls plzzz qWq

All came to a head when I got a very uncomfy nightmare and confronted them to all my issues ... aaaand they lashed out BIG TIME. To keep the next scene short, we had a falling out, I tried desperately to talk things out, but they refused, even though they previously told me to be direct with them, even before my confrontation. I remember very well that they demanded that I NEVER bring drama with them or tell anybody about our arguement.

Over time I realized I was fighting a battle I cannot win. One last time, being so calm I scared myself, but no, they called me a a parasite (for demanding space? That's the opposite of what a parasote wants bruh) and I blockd them everywhere.

Freedom at last ... but at what cost?

I got new scars, because of someone who couldn't understand limits or keep their bloody hands of other's characters just to satisfy themselves.

I just recently saw the parallels with Rick and Kokuri and it really makes me upset to see that I let someone just ... use them and me like that.

And you got not idea how much my paranoia expanded. Hell, drawing love or intimacy are even worse now, I'm so scared to have people yell at me again or be happy about the things I draw ...

So yeah, that's why I was posting some deeper stuff here and there :'3

I gotta say, it's nice to draw my pervy hedgy comforting best shadow boi. I really wanna draw Kokuri with my sqaud more, they'd be so fun <33

Anyway, thank you for reading and also being there for me. While I still struggle immensly with drawing stuff, I'll try my best to get over my fears ... just pray for me to not get another creep wanting to jerk off to my characters X'D

#rick the shadow man #the shadow man #kokuri the hedgehog #five nights at freddy's #fnaf #sonic #vent #art

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paradisetemporarilymisplaced · 4 years ago

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So I was being a basic bitch the other day and listening to my true crime podcasts when it occurred to me just how suspicious Nile’s “death” would look to everyone not in the Guard, leading me to a train of thought that, 2200 words later, absolutely got away from me but I can’t let go so I’m inflicting it on all of you!

To set the stage, we know the movie takes place over approximately a week. Here’s what happens to Nile from the military’s point of view:

She dies is very seriously injured

She heals without a scratch

Just before she’s supposed to be shipped out to Germany, she vanishes, leaving two men concussed (and presumably reporting being knocked out by a woman with short hair wearing civilian clothes)

She goes AWOL for several days

They get word from the CIA that she is to be reported killed in action (details unclear)

So, at the beginning of this very weird week, the USMC has to tell Nile’s family of her death critical injury. What her family was told depends on how long she was dead – a Google search tells me that family will be notified in person within 8 hours of a soldier’s death, but we don’t know how long her first death lasted. For an injury, however, they’d get a phone call to notify them and the unit would arrange for them to visit as soon as the soldier is transferred out of a combat zone. Like I remember when I was in high school, a guy from my church who was a Marine was really seriously injured in a helicopter crash in Iraq and from what I could tell, his parents were told immediately and were flown out to Germany to see him, so it stands to reason that Nile’s family would have been informed relatively quickly after her throat was slashed, one way or another.

And then, she goes AWOL. Her family would be notified while the USMC tried to figure out where she went, not least because the military would want to know if she’s contacted them. (And it’s possible that her family may have been on the way to Germany to see her since we know that’s where she was supposed to go!) So for several days:

Nile’s mom and brother have no idea where she is

They know she was seriously injured and most certainly should not have been moving around on her own

They can’t get a hold of her

The military can’t tell them anything

And the next thing they know for sure is that she was “killed in action.” After being injured and vanishing into thin air. And they presumably cannot produce her body or any concrete evidence of her death. In any case, something sketchy is going on, so they’re like. SMELLS LIKE A MILITARY COVERUP.

In a surprise to probably no one, there is a well-documented legacy of mysterious US military deaths, particularly of women of color (TW for sexual assault in these links). The cases of LaVena Johnson and Vanessa Guillenin particular have made national news because of their families’ persistence in seeking justice. Likewise, Nile is a Black woman, and her mom and brother are most certainly hypercognizant of (a) state violence against Black people and (b) these high-profile cases of suspicious military deaths. So her family are seriously side-eyeing the situation, knowing that (a) the military has a serious incentive (and a documented history) of covering up things that make them look bad and (b) nothing about Nile’s disappearance and supposed death are adding up.

And Andy’s right. Nile does come from warriors. And you know who else does? Her brother.

Don’t get me wrong. Nile’s mom would absolutely not back down. She’d know something was up and want to get to the bottom of it. But based on what I know about Gen X parents (mine), they’re not the most technologically savvy. Like they can use the internet, but they didn’t grow up with it the way we young millennials and Gen Z did. So Nile’s brother takes the lead. And what do zillennials do best?

Social media.

Nile’s brother starts going hard on any site he can, trying to get the word out to see if anyone knows what happened to his sister. He starts a Reddit thread. He starts a Facebook group. He reaches out to the media and true crime bloggers and podcasters à la Sarah Turney, getting loud and being a general nuisance in hopes of getting some answers. He gets his friends and Nile’s friends involved. Maybe eventually Dizzy, Jay, and others from Nile’s unit hear about it and reach out, telling him what they saw and how weird it all was. He’s drumming up interest, and soon “Nile Freeman” becomes a household name (at least among the true crime fans).

Copley is, of course, trying his best, but at this point there is just so much that it’s impossible for him to scrub everything. Sure, he can erase new footage of Nile and the Guard, but what can he do about Reddit threads and podcast episodes that are speculating something weird has happened? Maybe he could hack the sites and shut those things down, but honestly, that’s the last thing he’d want to do, because that only adds weight to the theory that Nile’s disappearance is a military coverup. So eventually he has to tell Andy what’s going on.

Andy, obviously, does not take the news well. However, she is also completely computer illiterate, because that’s Booker’s job and he’s the only one who ever bothered to learn what the internet is in any meaningful way. (She probably calls Booker for advice, and for the record, I think Booker would have no qualms about shutting down conspiracy threads, tinhats be damned, but Copley is too concerned about the consequences. He’s ex-CIA for crying out loud, he knows how it’ll look if they scrub every mention of Nile’s name from the internet.) Maybe she confers with Joe and Nicky but, let’s be honest, they’d be equally unhelpful. So at this point, she knows they have to bring in Nile.

But the thing about Nile is that she, too, knows how to use the internet (duh). Aside from her being a young millennial/digital native, we know from the cave scene where she’s giving Booker suggestions on how to track Copley that she clearly is even more computer savvy than the average person. And for that reason she almost definitely took over the day-to-day tech stuff after Booker’s exile. So I think it would be foolish to expect her to be unaware of what’s happening. She’s not contacting her family or posting on the message boards or anything, but she knows what’s up. So Copley and the team probably sit her down to “break the news,” but we know the girl does not have a poker face (see: literally shooting herself in the foot and not being able to play it cool whatsoever) and cracks immediately, telling them she’s seen everything about her case – she’s not interacting with any of it, she certainly didn’t instigate anything, but she knows. (And she is so goddamn proud of her brother.)

At this point, I’d like to pause and consider Nile’s role in the overall narrative of this movie. She’s set up as a foil to Andy, obviously, but she’s also a foil to Booker. Booker, who, like Andy, is a serious pessimist, but who, unlike Andy, still has very fresh memories and trauma associated with being the new kid, which have destroyed him. In his mind (and Andy’s), if Nile communicates with her family, she’ll become just like him in a century or two – bitter, alone, and stuck with her grief and memories of watching her family die and knowing they died resenting her. It’s a small sample size, but this is the only experience they have to go off of.

But it doesn’t have to be like that.

There’s been a lot of discussion of TOG being a fundamentally queer movie – a group of people brought together because of something inherent about themselves that is different, that must be hidden, that causes others to hate, fear, and reject them. Booker’s backstory is the archetypal traumatic “coming out” story – his family learns who he is, hate him for it, and attempt to cast him out of their lives. He’s stuck with his trauma, his pain, his loss, and it consumes him.

But what if Nile’s family would be the opposite? What if her “coming out” to them as immortal is met with acceptance, love, celebration? What if her family is just overjoyed to have her back, and they don’t care what the circumstances are? I'm reminded of this incredible post from @shitty-old-guard-deaths a while back, where Nile’s mother hits Booker with a frying pan because “my baby let me believe she was dead for FIVE YEARS based on your bad advice???” (which may or may not have inspired this whole tangent). Nile takes the advice of someone who did the same thing she wants to do because she doesn’t want to risk her family’s rejection. She wants the good memories with her family and is afraid that showing them her true self will bring her unbearable pain, forever replacing those memories. But, with high risk comes high reward.

Anyway. Nile and the team are trying to come up with a plan for how to handle this whole thing, but she’s not really participating because she’s too afraid to hope. Until finally, quickly, so she doesn’t lose her nerve, she suggests she reach out to them, knowing that, realistically, that’s the only solution before things snowball even further out of control. The team is shocked, but realize that she has a point. They decide that Copley should actually be the first point of contact, posing as a US government official to talk with them and test the waters.

So Copley goes to Nile’s family’s house to talk with her mom and brother. They’re probably distrustful and apprehensive, but nonetheless secretly ecstatic that their work has paid off. They talk and review all of the information that they’ve collected, including testimonials from the people on Nile’s base and recent sightings (along with photos) of Nile (with the same three people) over the last few years that people have sent them but they haven’t posted publicly. At this point, Copley’s like, yeah this is about to blow up, we gotta put our cards on the table. He convinces them to come with him to some safe house/black site/whatever he can get that is technologically impenetrable (I’m picturing them in like, an interrogation room at a police station kind of deal), takes their phones, locks the doors, and brings in Nile.

What follows is the most delightful reunion scene of all time, bringing Joe, Nicky, and even Andy to tears as they watch and listen from outside the room. With Copley’s help, Nile tells her mom and brother about her immortality and what’s been going on since she died (within reason, of course), and they are thrilled. They don’t understand why (because no one does) but they don’t question it and they see it as a gift from God – she’s been resurrected, she will live, and she has a purpose. Her mother and brother are so happy to see her again and are willing to agree with pretty much anything to stay in her life as long as they can.

So. They set up some complicated agreement (they bring in the other three for support/intimidation as needed) setting the terms of their relationship. They swear Nile’s family to secrecy, maybe bringing up the lab to show how high the stakes are, and they readily agree. They come up with some cover story for Nile’s brother to share on the message boards (maybe that the government has opened an investigation but because it’s an open case he has to shut it all down? Tells people to direct their tips somewhere else? Something to that effect). There’s still speculation, of course, but without Nile’s brother at the helm providing the energy, the hype dies down as news stories are wont to do without any movement. And Nile’s family goes to work for the team. The experience has taught them that Copley can’t possibly do everything himself, especially when it comes to social media, so Nile’s brother takes the lead on the day-to-day tracking/social media while Copley and her mom focus on finding jobs and scrubbing their traces afterward.

So there you have it: Nile gets to integrate her biological family into her found family and spend the rest of their lives with them as it should be, Copley gets some badly needed help managing the reality of social media, the team finally has a positive narrative surrounding outsiders Knowing About Them AND about interacting with people from their previous life, and the audience gets the happy ending to this very lovely and very queer story to counteract the pain associated with Booker’s family.

Plus, you know, I’m a sucker for both a good government conspiracy theory and for Nile getting every good thing she deserves.

#the old guard #tog #tog fanfiction #tog meta #immortal family #nile freeman #mine #damn look at me contributing to a fandom! that’s new #pls reblog if you like this my self esteem could really use it #I just love nile so much and I’m being the nile-centric content I want to see in the world #it is just genuinely nuts to think abt how this situation would be perceived by anyone outside the narrative #she just mysteriously heals from a fatal injury and then VANISHES!!! this should be national fuckin news #also I do think there’s a major hole in the story when you think abt social media #like the only time it’s even hinted at is right at the very beginning when Andy erases that girl’s selfie #and the concept of fuckin Reddit is not even brought up despite Copley’s stalker board being analog Reddit #there’s just a lot of places one could go with this which is very much what we got here #1k

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arcplaysgames · 2 years ago

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almost caught up, here we go

oh yeah because you are just all about fulfilling wishes you fucking fae bastard

I wonder if, like me, Akechi is also internally thinking "wow I was expected shit to be fucked up but this is kind of impressive, bravissimo"

oh honey that ain't a fuckboy that's a fuckman now. glow up.

... This isn't.... a shadow. That's Maruki.

Interesting.

.... wait a goddamn minute actually that's really interesting. if Maruki doesn't have a shadow, then he has a persona.

oh my.

you made my cat into a generic looking dude so no, but keep talking, I wanna see where you're going with this

THIS IS SO MESSED UP THIS IS SO MESSED UP OH MY GOD THIS IS MESSED UP HAHAHAHAHA fuck

The rel Kasumi, Sumire, remembers having an argument with Kasumi out in the rain, about how Kasumi is always better than her and Sumire will never catch up to her.

In a fit of anger, she runs, and ignores Kasumi telling her to stop, that the walk light is red.

bangs hand on desk

THIS. IS. SO. MESSED. UP.

so, what? what the fuck, so Sumire was so distraught over the loss of her sister and the specific circumstances of that loss that she cracked and assumed the personality of Kasumi?

YEAH BASICALLY

maruki you are already the best villain, you are currently competing with Adachi and your odds are not terrible, holy shit bruh

Apparently Sumire was seeing Maruki after her sister's death and Maruki somehow changed? convinced? Sumire's cognitive self that she was really Kasumi. Because that's what she wanted.

Shout out to everyone who worked on Royal for the framing of this, the lighting, the menace of a soft-spoken man in a white suit who wants to help, and the neon-streaked beauty of his Palace.

Okay. This is tasty, crunchy stuff. But.

How are you going to solve a problem like Goro Akechi?

Also, we know from Maruki's backstory that it's not as pure and benevolent as he says. This all started with Rumi, his ex, when she had a mental breakdown over a traumatic incident. That entire thing is now cast into deeper suspicion, and Maruki is not as above it all as he seems.

Though, I guess that's not his goal. Everyone's reality is personalized to their needs. It's a very hands-on tactic. And we know from talking to him, he wanted to be the doctor to the world.

So how does that manifest? Can a Palace allow you to actually do that?

EVEN LINE HE SAYS IS AMAZING AND HORRIBLE, MY GOD

goddamn fucking image limit fuck OFFFFF

#p5 #persona liveblog

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doritofalls · 3 years ago

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i love korekiyo's character so much!!! What would you write differently 👀

same unpopular fav....! liking kiyo is thankless work but someone gotta do it. thank you for your interest!! let's see... spoilers for drv3 under the cut.

in my opinion, up to chapter 3 korekiyo's character was not handled particularly bad. there are several subtle hints to his backstory and involvement with his sister, remaining noticeable without giving off warning signs. and i think his free time events are delightful! so honestly i wouldn't even really wanna touch any of that. they establish korekiyo as a fairly eccentric, emotionally distant if non ill-intentioned person, who approaches human relationships like academic encounters.

now we get to chapter 3, and with his research lab opened he clearly hits an obsessive phase. the behavioural changes are very obvious, especially if you intend to spend free time with him (the re-occurring message of him going on and on about seances quite reminiscent of the message you get in game 1 when spending time with a completely shut-down taka). we obviously don’t know if that’s just the kind of state korekiyo got himself in with each of his murders (quite possible, with the ritualistic nature he considers them with) or if it is just his his wavering composure, but it starts cluing the viewer into the fact that kiyo is far from a mentally stable individual, despite his fairly good handling of the unique challenges of the killing game. and i still think that’s fairly good writing, showing the audience that something is off about kiyo instead of telling them.

now where i feel like we hit the wall is definitely with the trial and korekiyo’s subsequent execution. i think the idea of double murders - with only the first culprit being punished - leaves SUCH a fascinating chance for someone to stay in the game despite committing a murder. korekiyo killing tenko, but not angie, and thus continuing to be a part of the game would have been such an interesting direction for the plot and for future character dynamics. though knowing the cast v3 wants to put actual focus on, there was simply no way for kiyo to gain a bigger role than what he already has.

i do think though, development-wise, that kiyo’s arc is broken in half like a cracker, because we earn the twist of his identity as a serial killer, we learn about his sister, we see whatever he’s got going on, but his near immediate execution really puts an immediate stop to any potential development that could come from this. which, again, i find to be SUCH a shame because korekiyo is an extremely complex and extremely misunderstood character imo. he’s someone who’s learned all the wrong lessons and took all the wrong paths and there’s a lot you can build on that.

imo, for korekiyo to develop though, he would need a dose of ego death first, because his present personality is... very much a fabrication in more ways than one (something i also find fascinating!). through learning about kiyo the viewer finds that nearly nothing about him is truly his - his uniform is a memento of his sister, which he admits to finding too flashy; he kills in a misguided attempt to appease his sister who could never accept him as her friend; his interest in anthropology even, is something he took up after his sister. korekiyo does extremely little on his own accord without direct co-relation to his sister. he exists as a mirror image his sister left behind and let’s be honest...

whatever korekiyo and his sister had going on, was very very clearly abuse (it’s enough if you put the timeline of kiyo’s possible age together to get the yikes) and extremely traumatic, something that korekiyo's in-game arc only vaguely hints at. because he’s under layers and layers and layers of denial. i think for korekiyo to develop he’d have to come to terms with this fact, and all the hurt that would come with it - not to mention the kind of hit it would take on his identity, which again, is near completely modeled after his sister’s precieved wants and needs.

i just think keeping korekiyo around in an environment where he IS a confirmed murderer, while having him go through this crisis of taking himself apart and having to rebuild with near nothing with few allies would make for very interesting character dynamics and loyalties, in a version of the game where he’d have a more major role in the story. because kiyo is not a bad person, per se, but he’s extremely misguided with a LOT of past mistakes to own up to and re-contextualize, and a LOT of issues to address and treat. but i don’t think being abused by his sister and bending over backwards to wrap it into something positive is one of those. i do have an au for this. i think about it a lot. but that goes in the realm of Making Stuff Up, of which i tried to keep from this post. i hope this made sense;;; :’] i have a lot of thoughts about kiyo and it’s hard to put em cohesively.

#mcfreakin answered #korekiyo shinguji #this one for the kiyo fans: Sorry For Your Loss

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littlemisspascal · 4 years ago

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Death and an Angel part 13

Death!Din x Cupid F!Reader

Summary: Ahsoka takes Din on a journey through the past.

“You should know though, you might not like what you see.”

Din shakes his head, dismissing the warning. “What’s one more nightmare?”

Rating: T

Word Count: 5,958

Warnings: angst, swearing, character death (canonical, but with my own twist), made up planet name that is ridiculous, dialogue heavy, plot plot plot, backstory

Author Note: Good lord this is soooo late coming out. To anyone who sent me an encouraging message I am beyond grateful because I really needed the encouragement to finish this segment. I hope more than anything this segment gives more answers than it raises questions (although reading your theories is both awesome and entertaining so keep them coming too!)

Links to Part 1 and Part 12 and Part 14

Cross-posted on AO3.

Photo Inspiration:

“Who the fuck is Moff Gideon?”

Ahsoka looks at Din, her brow furrowed deeply. He’s seen the expression on her face enough times to recognize its meaning: this is the face she makes when she is about to reveal a message directly from the universe itself. As an Oracle, she is the only immortal who can glimpse details of the past, present, and future. She has a soft spot for mortals, sharing the few precious snippets the universe allows her to with them in the forms of riddles and vague prophecies that never fail to give Din a migraine with their crypticness when he hears them.

“Moff Gideon is a Seraph who grew discontent with his position amongst immortals,” she says at last.

“Is he the one responsible for keeping my soulmate from me?” he asks, voice as harsh and unforgiving as the environment surrounding them.

“He is responsible for many sins.”

“I don’t have time for your vague answers,” he growls, hands twisting into fists. “You tell me not to kill this Seraph, then in the next breath claim he’s a threat. I am not a mortal who will be entertained by riddles, Ahsoka. You summoned me here to talk, so start talking. Tell me what you know.”

The Oracle’s mouth purses into a thin line. Nearly a full minute passes before she speaks again. When she does, the calmness is no longer natural, but forced. “Telling you what I know would be impossible.”

“Ahsoka—”

“But,” she pitches her voice higher than his protest while narrowing her eyes disapprovingly, “I am capable of showing you. You should know though, you might not like what you see.”

Din shakes his head, dismissing the warning. “What’s one more nightmare?”

She reaches forward, pressing her index and middle fingers to the center of his visor. If not for his helmet, she’d be touching the space directly between his eyes and instinct tells him the positioning isn’t random.

“We’ll start at the beginning,” she says, but her voice has changed from its usual cadence. It is ancient and youthful, a harsh scream and a hushed whisper all at once.

Din has only the slightest of seconds to process this in addition to the way her facial markings start to glow and her eyes flash white before he finds himself standing in the midst of a crisis.

There is mass hysteria every direction he turns. People screaming in terror, pushing each other and tripping over those who have fallen in their haste to flee an unseen threat; whole buildings are crumbling, sending flaming debris and shards of glass raining down upon the streets as smoke billows into the sky. The edges of his field of view are blurred, like he’s looking at everything through someone’s glasses, and it creates an ache behind his eyeballs. Fuck, is this what it’s like for Ahsoka when she experiences visions?

‘You remember the Fall of Mandalore, don’t you, Death?’ Ahsoka’s voice resonates from deep inside his brain, as if she’s fused her consciousness with his.

His jaw tightens when he says, “Of course.”

‘Oh, look. There you are.’

Sure enough, when Din looks forward he sees himself moving swiftly through the crowd, unaffected by the chaos as he stoops to reap the soul of a woman who’s had her skull caved in by the stampede of frantic civilians. He wonders how many others can say they’ve had an out-of-body-experience such as what he’s dealing with right now: reliving a traumatic event all over again while observing himself the same way a stranger would from a distance.

“Why are you showing me this?”

‘Because it’s important,’ Ahsoka answers, and the image of her frowning face enters his mind unbiddenly. ‘The universe has a plethora of endings imagined for every civilization, but it is the individual choices of the community that act as stepping stones bringing them closer to a specific fate.’

“Mandalore was always meant to fall apart. It was just a matter of how, not when,” he surmises, voice devoid of emotion. His words are punctuated by another fiery blast from a nearby complex, followed by an ear-piercing wall of a terrified child.

‘Precisely. But the same cannot be said for an individual’s lifespan. There are consequences if someone perishes before their time has come. You should know that better than anyone.’ There is a hint of accusation thinly veiled in her tone that has his body tensing reflexively.

His location shifts, shapes and colors mixing together without warning before another scene gradually comes into focus. It’s a large chamber with sparse furnishings, but its beauty is tarnished by the copious amounts of glass littering the room as every single one of the ornately designed windows have been shattered from the force of the explosions outside. Din knows before he even lays eyes on the throne he’s inside the royal palace because he first sees the familiar face of his most trusted reaper standing next to a blond-haired woman. Both women have such strikingly similar facial features nobody who sees them side by side can have any doubt they are related.

Whereas Bo-Katan dons gray-and-blue armor with a jetpack strapped to her back and two blaster pistols holstered at her sides, her sister, Satine, wears a garnet colored dress with a gold belt wrapped around her slender waist. In this moment, the sisters differ from each other as much as night and day; one a military leader, the other a pacifistic duchess.

“You need someone here to protect you. We don’t know who or what we’re dealing with and it isn’t safe for you to be alone,” Bo-Katan argues, crossing her arms over her chest as if to intimidate her sister into submitting.

“Our people are scared and defenseless, Bo. They need your protection during this crisis more than I currently do,” Satine says, voice soft but firm in a way only those deeply involved in politics can master.

Bo-Katan glances out the broken windows at the burning city, stubborn loyalty to protect her sister warring with her duty to protect her people. “Then at least send a message to Obi-Wan to come here.”

Satine shakes her head. “Bo—”

“I know things are strained between you two right now—”

“That’s a glaring understatement.”

“—but he’s one of our best and most loyal guards. He’s proven more than a dozen times he’ll fight anyone who’s a threat to you.”

“I don’t need the reminder of what he’s done for me.”

Bo-Katan places a hand on the blonde’s shoulder and squeezes it when she says, “He’s the only one other than myself I trust to protect you if you were to encounter danger.”

“Just because I’m committed to peace does not mean I am incapable of looking after myself.” Satine reaches behind herself to detach a weapon that had been clipped to the back of her belt. She clicks a button on its hilt, emitting a white blade shining brightly like a beacon amongst the dark clouds of smoke tainting the air.

Din’s breath catches in his throat. “Is that…?”

‘The Lightsaber of Mandalore,’ Ahsoka confirms. ‘Made by the Armorer herself.’

The Armorer is deeply respected by both mortals and immortals alike. As the goddess of metalworking and blacksmiths, there is nothing she cannot forge and infuse with grand powers. However, she is exceedingly cautious about choosing who is a recipient of her creations.

Din is one such recipient, having been given his armor of pure beskar when the Armorer realized how dangerous his touch was to mortals. He remains eternally grateful for the gift not only because it prohibits unwanted physical contact, but also because it is invulnerable to damage or rust like other types of armor. Ahsoka’s dual sabers were also made in the Armorer’s forge, specifically designed for the Oracle’s grip alone and meant to protect her during her journeys throughout the galaxy, but in contrast to the white blade of the Lightsaber, the blades of Ahsoka’s weapons matched the same blue coloring as the stripes on her lekku and montrals.

According to the legends Din’s heard, the Armorer created the Lightsaber for the first ruler of Mandalore because she was impressed with their culture and strong military, and it was passed on to each new heir to the throne over the centuries. When wielded in battle, the Lightsaber made the user invincible against enemy attacks as it siphoned off energy from the souls of those it sliced through.

Throughout the long history of Mandalore, Satine was distinguished as the only ruler to avoid warfare as she sincerely believed negotiations and treaties could solve any problem quicker than bloodshed.

As such, Din isn’t surprised when Bo-Katan raises a judgmental eyebrow. “Did you forget who you’re talking to? I know you wouldn’t use the Lightsaber even to cut a piece of fruit.”

Satine sighs through her nose, sheathing the weapon once more. “Fine. I’ll contact Obi the second you’re gone.”

“You better.” Bo-Katan leans forward, pressing her forehead against her sister’s. A gesture of affection within their culture. “I’ll see you soon.”

And then she’s gone, flying out the nearby window and diving straight into the fray. As a mortal and as a reaper, the redhead is fearless in the face of danger. Some might consider the behavior reckless, but Din’s always been impressed by her dogged tenacity to achieve victory no matter the difficulty of her mission.

Din looks back at Satine. Now that she is alone in the room, she is able to freely express her distress at the unfolding situation, looking as if she’s aged ten years within the blink of an eye. She fiddles with the comlink around her wrist, seeming hesitant to call this Obi-Wan fellow like she agreed to.

‘They haven’t realized it, but they’re soulmates, ’ Ahsoka murmurs, low and melancholic. Hearing it makes Din’s chest constrict with unease. ‘They fought recently and parted ways upset with each other. Unfortunately, she dies before they can resolve their miscommunication.’

The next sequence of events play out startlingly quick, as if Ahsoka has chosen to suddenly jump forward in time. His eyes struggle to absorb the fleeting details—the doors to the throne room being blown open; a Seraph in black armor emerging from the smoke; his voice is unique, velvety and thorny at the same time, as he addresses the duchess by her full name Satine Kryze; Satine attempting to stall as she subtly taps at her comlink, only for the tactic to fail as the foe teleports closer, eliminating the space between them.

“You have something I want,” he tells her, seizing hold of her throat. “You may think you have some idea of what you have in your possession, but you do not.”

One of Satine’s hands claws at his face, attempting to gouge out his eyeballs with her nails, while the other reaches for the Lightsaber. Her fingertips brush against its metal hilt just as he throws her to the floor. The impact knocks the breath out of her lungs, eliciting a strangled gasp, and shards of glass dig into her exposed skin, dotting the pale flesh with beads of blood.

Gideon—Din doesn’t need Ahsoka’s input to know this, for who else could the Seraph be but him?—places the heel of his boot over Satine’s neck. He doesn’t apply pressure yet, but the action in itself has the duchess squirming with panic, hitting at his leg futilely. There is a red light on the comlink flashing insistently, indicating someone on the other end is speaking but they’ve been muted.

“Give me the asset I seek.”

Through clenched teeth, Satine wheezes, “It belongs to Mandalore.”

“I thought you might say that,” Gideon replies, feigning disappointment. “However, in case you haven’t noticed Duchess,” he gestures towards the windows, “Mandalore is dead. My accomplices have made sure of that.”

“You’re a coward for hiding behind others. You don’t deserve the Lightsaber.”

There is a sudden change in the atmosphere, air turning impossibly frigid and crisp.

“I deserve it more than anyone,” Gideon says, angry enough he is trembling. The Seraph’s stance shifts, and although Din has witnessed every type of brutal death imaginable, he flinches at the sound of Satine’s neck snapping beneath his heel.

Gideon rolls her lifeless body over and rips the Lightsaber off her belt, a satisfied smirk on his face. He disappears as quickly as he arrived, reward in hand, and an eerie silence envelops the room. It’s almost as if the palace itself is stunned by the loss of its ruler, struggling to make sense of the merciless act of violence.

Time skips forward again, showing a young bearded-man dressed in military armor clutching at Satine’s body, pressing his forehead against hers as he weeps. Over and over he keeps murmuring apologies for not being quicker, for failing to be there when she needed him, for never saying he loved her.

“How do you know Satine and Obi-Wan are soulmates if they never matched?” Din asks, feeling like he’s intruding on a private moment despite not actually being there.

He thinks of a similarly phrased question he’d asked his angel on their way to Sorgan what feels like entire lifetimes ago: how will I know it’s my soulmate? Her eloquent response remains embedded deep in his memory, safely stored away along with every other moment they’ve spent together. Longing twists like a knife in his side as he allows himself a second of weakness to look at the soulmate marking on his palm.

‘I saw the life they were going to share,’ Ahsoka tells him. ‘Satine Kryze was not meant to die here. She and Obi-Wan should have both survived the Fall of Mandalore, settling down happily with each other elsewhere in the galaxy. Gideon’s greed altered their destinies.’

The palace fades away to reveal a much older Obi-Wan, gray-haired and wrinkled. He’s in Mos Eisley; Din recognizes the crowded spaceport instantly having taken his ship there for repairs numerous times over the years.

‘The universe puts a lot of effort into making sure soulmates match with each other at a very precise moment. Even if the match is rejected, the individuals still had an important impact on each other’s lives. Timing is the most important factor for a soulmate pairing, and if it’s off then the universe will attempt to fix it.’

Obi-Wan stops to help a woman who’s accidentally dropped her shopping bag, contents spilling out onto the sandy ground. She thanks him as he offers her a polite smile, both of their attentions on each other’s faces and not their hands. More specifically: their marked hands. There is the barest brush of their fingertips as they reach for the same item before an invisible blast of energy erupts from their touch, splitting them apart and sending every person and thing surrounding them flying in all directions.

The shock on Obi-Wan’s face matches Din’s own beneath his helmet. He remembers his angel telling him after the failed match with Omera what happened on Sorgan wasn’t the first time an event like that occurred, but she hadn’t been privy to the details. Her superior had told her she wasn’t high enough ranking which Din had thought sounded like a load of bantha shit at the time.

“Ahsoka, what is the meaning of this?” Din asks the questions quietly, but there’s an audible coating of frustration that he knows she won’t miss. “Satine’s dead.”

‘You didn’t reap her soul,’ Ahsoka says. It’s said as a gentle reminder, but it nevertheless has Din feeling like the ground has disappeared beneath his feet as realization dawns.

“I...didn’t.”

A quiet sigh echoes through his head. ‘I forgot how ignorant you can be. You can’t reap a mortal soul that transforms into a new entity.’

“She’s a Cupid,” Din murmurs. Either that or a reaper, but he knows each of his reapers like the back of his hand and Satine isn’t nor has she ever been one. He shakes his head, thinking of Obi-Wan finding Satine’s body in the throne room. “That doesn’t make any sense. Obi-Wan clearly loved her.”

‘Rejection can sometimes stem from a misunderstanding. Satine’s last living encounter with Obi-Wan was him saying so long as he was part of the royal guard they had no future together. She perceived this as him denying he cared about her, not knowing he had made plans to retire in order to ask for her hand.’

In front of Din, Obi-Wan rubs at his soulmate marking while staring at the mess around him, lines of unease and confusion creasing his forehead.

‘You asked, what is the meaning of this moment?’ Ahsoka continues. ‘It’s one of the universe’s attempts to reconnect Obi-Wan and Satine so they experience their matching as they were intended to.’

“But they’re of different statuses,” he points out needlessly. “She’ll outlive him.”

‘Yes, but the matching of soulmates not only influences the lives of the pair, but the lives of other people as well in ways both obvious and invisible. Think of it as a ripple effect.’

“Did the universe’s attempt work?” Din wonders. “Were they ever reunited?”

‘When Satine awoke as a Cupid, it was a surprise to both her and Gideon. Rather than kill her a second time, the Seraph chose to inflict a worse fate. She became the first of her kind to have her memories erased. However, he’d never previously used his ability on another immortal before, resulting in him nearly wiping her entire mind clean. The universe is capable of many miracles, big and small, but every attempt of reuniting the pair failed. It remains the universe’s most profound regret which is ultimately the reason why the universe brought you to Trinomliaxeros without your armor so that history wouldn’t repeat itself.’

There is a strange, heavy feeling that suddenly inflates within the confines of Din’s chest like a balloon. It’s different from the rampant anger he can still detect simmering beneath the skin of his human façade. He tries to shake it off, focusing on his breathing and the desert heat emanating from the twin suns overhead, only to slowly realize that what he’s feeling is fear.

Within his memory he can recall just one other distinct moment in his existence where he felt this spine-chilling emotion, and that moment was experienced on Trinomliaxeros.

“What did you just say?” His voice sounds shaky even to his own ears, but he can’t find any energy within himself to care.

A long stretch of silence fills his head; it’s the fragile kind, too, preventing him from snapping at Ahsoka to answer lest she become angry at him and yank him out the vision entirely.

‘Twice the timing of a soulmate match has been disturbed. The first pair affected was Obi-Wan and Satine. And the second pair was...’

“Ahsoka,” he says when she hesitates to continue, but any additional words he can think of saying catch in the back of his throat.

‘The second pair was you and your angel.’ Another pause of silence, shorter but no less meaningful. ‘Only fifty years ago, she wasn’t an angel.’

This is what Din remembers from Trinomliaxeros: feeling a pull so forceful, impatient and unanticipated it drags him across the galaxy in his civilian clothes, arriving to find the planet engulfed in smoke, unable to see his hand in front of his face, even without his gloves on. Finding skeletal remains burnt to blackened crisps with the souls inside shaking and traumatized, practically leaping into his outstretched hand, knowing either the afterlife or damnation would be better destinations than lingering there even a second longer. Explosions in the distance, bursts of flames as intense and hot as the sun, greedily consuming everything in their radius.

Out of the smoke and darkness, a survivor. A girl, covered in soot and sweat, colliding with his chest. The dead are calling out to him, pleading for him to reap them, to save them. Their voices swirl around his head, clawing at his brain and pounding against his skull. Shoving the girl aside, one foot in front of the other, letting his powers guide him to the next soul. Her voice cuts across the distance, a plasma bolt striking him in the back. We’re soulmates, she says.

His breath stills in his lungs. Fear spreads like a virus through his bloodstream, slipping beneath his defenses, turning him into a stranger within his own body. The declaration is a lie, an impossibility, a delusion. He has no match, hands unmarked, flesh poisonous and lethal. His words, too, are weapons themselves. Sharp, ruthless, desiring to wound her as she’s wounded him. You could never be my soulmate.

And then he’d left her.

This is what Din remembers. But, he thinks, squeezing his eyes shut so tightly it hurts, I’ve remembered everything all wrong.

Phantom hands gently press against the sides of his helmet, offering comfort without caring about the dried blood. He keeps his eyes shut, knowing it’s just a manifestation crafted by Ahsoka in his head. ‘Don’t blame yourself. This was the only viable outcome the universe could produce to ensure the bad timing would be remedied in the future,’ she says, but it does little to lessen the weight on his chest. ‘Your rejection saved her life. It granted you both a second chance of a first meeting.’

“How did—” Din struggles to string words together, to fucking breathe. “She—She knew. What we were. How…?”

The Oracle puts him out of his misery. ‘She found out the way all soulmates do: through touch.’

Din’s eyes fly open at that, and he has to blink a few times to bring everything into focus because there’s him and his angel right in front of him, frozen mid-collision. She’s grasping the sleeves of his coat to keep her balance, the palm of her marked hand touching his wrist. He stares at the point of contact for a moment, then barks out a laugh, hysterical and strangled sounding.

“That’s not possible.”

‘Soulmates can’t kill each other. She’s always been meant to withstand your touch.’

Din swallows thickly, staring at his angel’s face. He hates the question forming on his tongue, but it will haunt him the rest of his life if he doesn’t ask it. “In your visions, when I meet her at the right time, what happens?”

'You’re different by then, less broody and more accepting of the notion you could be loved. You have a soulmate marking,’ Ahsoka tells him. ‘You fall for her hard, even before your hands brush. You love her throughout the entirety of her lifetime.’

“And...when she dies?” The words taste like blood in his mouth.

‘Don’t torture yourself, Death. That timeline doesn’t exist anymore.’

For one brief, fleeting second Din is actually grateful Gideon altered their destinies. However, in the next, he’s trying not to let the fear gnawing at the back of his mind increase as it belatedly occurs to him that the universe is not as infallible as he’s always believed it was.

He wishes he could see Ahsoka, if only so he could glare at her directly. “Everything you’ve shown me has only further convinced me Gideon deserves death. Why have you asked me to promise not to kill him?”

'Do you remember what happens after this moment on Trinomliaxeros?’

Din frowns at the change of subject. “I continued to reap souls.”

'Yes. And then?’

He huffs a frustrated breath through his nose. This is Ahsoka, he thinks, at her most annoying. But, as much he loathes admitting it, this is also the most helpfully transparent she’s ever been. Today may be the only time she trusts him enough to share her visions. He owes it to her to be as open as she’s being with him.

That being said, he’s still wary of the memories he’s kept in the distant, shadowy corners of his mind being pulled into the spotlight. “Tell me we’re not gonna talk about the kid.”

‘We talked about the universe’s biggest regret. It’s only fair we talk about yours too.’ Ahsoka has found the crack in his armor he’s tried so long to conceal, peeling it open without remorse.

She doesn’t spare him time to argue. All he does is blink and he’s looking at his past self locked in a staring contest with a little green-skinned child who is propped up inside a floating, orb-shaped pram.

Of all the buildings and homes on the planet, only its temple had remained untouched by the destruction. Din didn’t know if it had been the structure’s own holy foundation keeping it standing or if it was the personal choice of the mastermind behind the attack, but he’d been drawn to it regardless, finding souls there to reap whose hosts had differed from other victims in that their throats had been slit. The walls of the temple were adorned with intricate murals depicting immortal figures and religious events of ancient history, but before he could observe the artwork closer, a quiet coo had stopped him in his tracks.

When he opened the pram, he hadn’t anticipated finding a baby of all creatures. When their eyes connected, every background noise abruptly ceased. Even the voices of the dead fell silent. Rather than rouse his suspicions, Din had felt only a sense of peace he usually only experienced in the midst of hyperspace travel where the stars were his voiceless companions.

An unspoken conversation transpired between the two of them, one Din still can’t translate into words all these years later, but it concluded with him knowing he would take the child with him.

Din had reached for him unthinkingly, the child lifting his arms up in eagerness to be held, but self-awareness kicked in right before contact and Din retracted his hands away so fast it startled the child into crying, brown eyes filling with tears. Panicked, he surveyed the room, looking for something to put an end to the wailing, before looking down at his own coat, experiencing a lightbulb moment.

“Alright, kid, it’s okay. You’re okay.” Watching his past self shrug off the coat, Din remembers it had been his favorite of his civilian clothes, well worth the cost for its soft fabric and length. He managed to successfully swaddle the child, ensuring his arms were safely tucked away to prevent him endangering his life, and Din exhaled a quiet breath of relief when the tears dried up almost immediately.

However, the ensuing silence wasn’t as peaceful as the previous one. Both past and present Din turn at the sound of distant shuffling echoing off the temple walls from another room.

“Ignore it,” Din tells his past self. “Just take the kid and leave.”

But his plea goes unheard and the past remains unchanged. Ahsoka is silent inside his head, either because she knows he won’t accept any more comforting words or because she thinks he’s undeserving of them for choosing to leave the child behind in his pram, closing it when he starts to whine again, so Din can go investigate the noise.

Din exhales a quiet breath, fingers twitching restlessly at his sides as he watches himself stalk through the temple halls, checking each room he comes across. It’s strange, seeing himself from this perspective. The distanced viewpoint allows Din to glimpse new details he hadn’t been capable of noticing back then.

Such as the reappearance of a familiar Seraph emerging from the shadows to stab him in the back.

Here’s one of the perks about being Death: he can’t be killed. That fact doesn’t mean there haven’t been attempts though. As Death, people sometimes look at his armor as a challenge. Like if they can fire a shot or throw a knife at just the right angle, it’ll wound him and allow them to live longer. Simply put, all those people are idiots.

When he looks like a regular, unintimidating civilian, he’s also been involved in violent predicaments where someone’s attempted to mug him or where he’s tried to save someone else from a similarly sticky situation.

Armor or no armor though, he’s always walked away from these encounters completely unscathed.

Well. With the sole exception of Trinomliaxeros where he was mostly unscathed.

It wasn’t the first time Din had been stabbed before. Usually knife wounds felt like a mild pinch. More irritating than painful, similar to a splinter stuck in one’s thumb. Once the weapon was removed, the damage healed within seconds, leaving behind no scar or proof he was ever attacked.

Usually, is the keyword to note here.

Ahsoka freezes time right when the blade of the Lightsaber is driven straight through the center of Din’s body, bone and flesh as easy to slice through as melted butter. His agonized expression—eyes screwed shut and lips open in a silent scream—would be comical if Din didn’t remember the exact emotions he was feeling in that moment.

Instead of a pinch, it’d felt as if thousands of invisible hands were pulling and scratching at him, attempting to strip apart his human exterior layer by layer—peeling off skin, scraping away muscle and bone marrow, seeking to reach the core of himself where his powers resided.

‘Looks like it hurts,’ Ahsoka says. The return of her naturally calm and neutral tone of voice seems almost cruel given the frozen, graphic display.

Din again wishes he could glare at her. “Is this funny to you?”

‘The transformation of the Lightsaber into the Darksaber is anything but funny.’

Lost in recollection, he failed to notice until now how the blade of the Lightsaber has changed in color from white to black. It’s the same inky hue that absorbs the brown in his eyes, that had dyed his veins during the execution of Hess.

‘The Armorer specifically instructed the Lightsaber only be used against enemies. As a neutral entity, you are, by definition, no one’s ally or adversary. By stabbing you, the saber became corrupted. It is a consequence Gideon still has yet to fully realize the monumental repercussions of.’

Time resumes, Din’s past self collapsing onto the floor, pressing a hand to the throbbing hole in his chest, attention too consumed by the franticness of his powers struggling to repair the trauma to notice Gideon lingering behind him. The Seraph’s stunned look of shock lasts barely ten seconds, morphing into one of deep contemplation as his gaze flicked between the weapon and Din, before he vanished.

When Din recovered enough to stand, he teleported back to the child’s location at once. He needs to get the little guy as far away from here as possible, somewhere peaceful and safe. His planning came to an abrupt halt upon finding the pram open and empty, his coat shredded and scattered about the floor in pieces.

“Gideon took him.” It isn’t a question.

‘Yes,’ she confirms. ‘The child was the intended target of this siege.’

“Why?”

‘He’s...very special.’ There is something about how her voice hitches when she says ‘special’ that has Din’s instincts prickling with alertness, but he holds his tongue. ‘Gideon considers him a tool he can take advantage of.’

The ugly, tight mass of anger swells inside of him and presses against his lungs, resulting in a low growl slipping out of his mouth. He curses his own ineptitude. If he’d paid more attention, hadn’t allowed himself to be wounded, he could have subdued Gideon and spared both his angel and the child from being captured.

“I warned you once upon a time, there would be consequences if you released your darkness,” Ahsoka says, her voice no longer emitting from inside his head. The vision fades back into reality the same sudden, jarring way one wakes up from dreaming. It takes all of Din’s self-restraint not to perform a full-body shake. “Your control is slipping as your rage increases. It’s making you not think clearly which is exactly what Gideon wants. That is the reason I am asking you to promise you will not kill him.”

Put like that, Din no longer thinks her request sounds quite so outlandish, even though he does still remain in the dark as to what consequences exactly will unfold. Ahsoka has remained stubbornly tight-lipped about the topic from their very first encounter, claiming the universe is adamant she can only share the details with one other person and it isn’t him.

“He deserves to die for all he’s done,” Din says quietly, but he’s self-aware to know his resistance is beginning to crumble.

“Between you and me, I think so, too,” she admits in the same low tone. Her ocean eyes are dark and stormy, reflecting her internal turmoil. “But rules are made for a reason and we would be fools to carelessly overlook the consequences of breaking them.”

The accusatory note from earlier has returned with a vengeance. He’s not surprised—of course the universe would utilize the Oracle to express its disapproval—but aggravation still thrums through his veins.

“Hess played a hand in my soulmate’s fate. He called her a whore.” Din’s upper lip twitches with the urge to snarl. “I don’t regret what I did to him.”

Ahsoka sighs. “I was afraid you’d say that. When you swore your creed, you promised the universe you’d only reap a soul when their host’s time has reached its destined end. By killing Hess, you not only broke a sacred rule, you also broke your creed.”

Din recoils, feeling like he’s been stabbed with the Lightsaber all over again.

“...What?” The anger is gone, extinguished by the weight of the revelation. Confusion and wariness are quick to fill the void. “What does that mean?”

She looks away then, but not quick enough to hide her troubled expression. “I...don’t know.”

He blinks, mind scrambling to understand the implications. “Isn’t that your purpose? To know everything?”

“For the very first time, the future’s unclear to me,” she murmurs, eyes briefly turning cloudy as if she’s trying to take a peek at the potential timelines right then and there. She shakes her head a beat later, frowning. “There are many choices left to be made, each one capable of influencing the fate of the galaxy. It is not possible at this time for me to predict our upcoming reality, let alone your consequences. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Din says, because it’s the truth and he doesn’t like seeing her crestfallen expression. Fuck, he might actually consider her a friend after all.

Whatever happens, he thinks to himself, it can’t be any worse to deal with than being separated from his soulmate. If he can survive this, he can survive anything.

“The last promise I made was broken.” He bites back a wince at the memory of his angel’s pinky promise. “But if making another one is the only way you’ll take me to my soulmate, then you have my word. I won’t kill him.”

A ghost of a smile pulls at her lips before she grabs hold of one of his vambraces. “Take me to your ship. I will guide you to her location.”

“You don’t trust me to go alone?” he asks, unsure whether to be amused or indignant.

“No,” Ahsoka replies bluntly.

Din huffs. “Fine.”

“I may not be able to see much at the moment, but I know it’s never wise to turn down support. You’re going to need us.”

“Us?”

“It’s Bo-Katan’s choice to make, but you and I both know she’s never been one to back down from a fight. Especially once she learns Gideon is her sister’s murderer.”

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alirhi · 4 years ago

Text

okay. let's do this shit.

Guess what, bitches? Mama bear's back and angry all over again. Remember when I said I might dive into a ragepost about how Bucky's treated after completing the one about Loki? This is it. This is the post. Welcome to fucking Thunderdome.

I will actually try to keep it civil. No promises, but I'll try. and I will not be accepting "constructive criticism" about my rage. Just so we're clear.

Got it? Good. Let's dive in.

In case you don't want to read the whole thing (I know I get wordy) here's what this whole post will boil down to: BUCKY NEVER HAD A FUCKING CHOICE. NEVER. NOT ONCE IN HIS ENTIRE ADULT LIFE.

Now, quick reminder: I don't read comics. I know nothing about Bucky's comic canon, except what Sebastian liked to bring up as often as possible during TWS/CW promotions: at some point, Bucky boned Nat. XD Since Bucky only exists as a Marvel property, I won't be bitching about other source material being disrespected like I did with Loki. This is all MCU, my dudes. And honestly? That's enough, because though we don't see nearly enough of Bucky for my liking, we do manage to get a rich, deep backstory to him in the material we're given, partly thanks to better writing in the early days of the MCU, and partly thanks to Sebastian Stan's phenomenal acting. Unlike the writers of the Loki series, Seb knows how to show, not tell. And gods, what stories those eyes show...

Let's start with the army. In an old post illustrating what an absolute BAMF Bucky Barnes truly is, I mistakenly said he enlisted, and a kind soul educated me on the incredible attention to detail Marvel used to pay - in this case, Bucky's ID number. 32557038. As this kind, eagle-eyed soul pointed out to me, the first two digits of that number - 32 - signify that Bucky was drafted, specifically from the NY, NJ, DE area (that last part is rather obvious, as Bucky and Steve are from Brooklyn lol). Bucky didn't choose to go to war. He was drafted. He was forced to fight, or go to prison.

Bucky was born in 1917, which means - again, as someone pointed out to me a while back - he came of age during the Great Depression. As a child, he would likely have seen his parents living comfortably and able to shower each other and him and his sister with gifts and fun memories, and then POOF. Stock market crashes when he's only 12-years-old, and life becomes brutal and painful. He manages to have some fun with his best friend Steve, and spends his teens/early 20s chasing girls and keeping his stupid, stubborn, tiny friend from getting beaten to death.

Steve constantly has something to prove. He's absolutely got what my mom always called "little man's disease", and Bucky's just doing his best not to roll his eyes too much at this asthmatic chihuahua constantly trying to beat up Tibetan mastiffs. While Steve keeps lying on his enlistment forms (an actual crime) trying again and again to get into the army and prove what a badass he is (definitely not), Bucky's had enough trauma and upheaval in his life and he just wants his stupid friend to calm tf down and live. Enjoy the fact that he doesn't have to go to war and get his limbs blown off.

And then he gets fucking drafted. This sweet, resigned realist who knows exactly how dangerous the war really is, is forced to put on a uniform and go fight strangers alongside other strangers thousands of miles from everything he knows. And on his last night of freedom, when he just wants to hang out with his friend, see some cool gadgets, and dance with a pretty girl, his stupid angry chihuahua friend feels the need to lie and try to enlist again.

Okay. Gotta get back on track. Ragepost about mistreatment of Bucky, not how much Steve annoys me. Sorry. Anyway...

Bucky's drafted, accepts his shitty lot with a brave smile, and is shipped off to Europe, where he is captured by HYDRA and presumed by the Allies to be KIA. Instead, he's strapped down, tortured, and given the HYDRA version of the super serum against his will. Steve rescues him, and Bucky knows he can't leave his idiot friend to his own devices to get his head blown off, so he dives right back into the fray. And then he falls off a cliff, loses most of his left arm, and is declared dead...again. This one's pretty damn valid, though lol. Without the serum no one knew he'd been shot up with, there is no way he would have survived that fall.

Here is where Bucky's story gets truly heartbreaking: His autonomy, his ability to consent is stripped from him through electroshock torture/brainwashing. The trigger words are conditioned into him during this process, and boom. Ten words in Russian, and Bucky Barnes is gone. Even the confused, hurting shadow of him is gone, leaving only a perfectly obedient killing machine, with Bucky's pretty face. He's strong as all hell, though, so they can't keep him fully under their control for long, not without more torture, when the disorientation of being fucking frozen wears off on longer missions.

I cannot stress this point enough, guys: Bucky. Had. No. Choice. Not like the draft, where his choices (go and get shot at, refuse and go to jail, or dodge and run to Canada) just suck. No, he literally didn't have a choice. He had his ability to choose stripped from him. If that's too complex a concept to really sink in, try this: His brain was fucking raped. Repeatedly. For decades. Nothing the Winter Soldier ever did was Bucky's fault. Nothing. Ever. Not remotely, no matter how you fucking slice it. Bucky is not an assassin. I almost said "not a killer", but he was a soldier, and a sharpshooter. He definitely killed when he was himself, but that was in a war, not a series of assassinations.

So far, imo, so good. This is just a rundown of Bucky's pre-show backstory. I don't love what he had to suffer, but I do love how it was treated in the movies. People were afraid of him, but when they knew the whole situation, Steve, Nat, and Sam rallied behind him. Natasha had plenty of reason to want the Winter Soldier dead; he'd tried to kill her multiple times and almost succeeded. Sam had no reason to help Bucky at all; he didn't know him, didn't trust him, and again, TWS had tried to kill him. But he stood by Steve, and when Bucky showed the clear difference between himself and TWS, Sam stood by him, too, and fought alongside him.

And it's very realistic, imo, that Tony didn't give a single fuck that Bucky had no choice. He watched this man murder both of his parents on tape. If TWS had killed my dad and I saw proof of it, I'd try to kill Bucky, too. Grief wins out over logic. Most emotions usually do. And that's a very important point we're going to come back to in a few minutes.

Bucky was really only in like ten minutes at most of IW and Endgame, and for multiple reasons I hate those movies, so I'm just gonna skip them, kay? Kay. On to the main event!

Here's where I get pissed off. Even if I didn't have an unhealthy attachment to this character, or the depth of appreciation for his tragic backstory that I do, the lack of continuity between the movies and the show alone would still piss me off. It always does. Don't even get me started on Joss "Continuity? What continuity?" Whedon and his (iconic, but flawed) shows. Ahem. Back on track...

Let me just get one little thing out of the way real quick: I fucking LOVE The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. I love it. This show amazed me when I first watched it, and I still love it after many more viewings lol. I have only ever watched it all the way through without skipping over as much John Walker shit as possible the one time lol but I love how Sam and Bucky interact, and I fucking adore how Sam's arc was treated. I just wish they'd show the same care and attention to Bucky.

Because what they did to Bucky in this show is a fucking travesty. There was a tiny ray of hope in the pilot, when he called out Dr. Bitchface for being a terrible shrink. I thought that would be the start of him realizing he needed to find someone else and ignore the damaging shit that woman was telling him. But...nope. No such luck.

The show really had a strong start, I'll give it that. We see Bucky having nightmares of his time as TWS and struggling to hide how his traumatic memories are affecting him as he tries to live in the world again. He befriends the father of one of HYDRA's victims, which can't be good for Bucky (and we're shown it's definitely not when he sees the shrine in Yori's home to his late son) but it's sweet, how he's trying to connect and reach out to someone who's hurting and lonely.

They drop the ball a little with the whole... Bucky can hack a fucking car, but can't figure out Tinder thing. Had they just run with the fandom interpretation of the tiger photos line, that it shows that Bucky is bi and left it at that, I'd have been okay with it (and no, that is not because I ship Sam/Bucky. it's because Bucky is and always has been a certified nerd who loves technology and has consistently shown very little issue learning to use new gadgets). The outdated flip phone he handed his terrible court-mandated shrink was a burner; I liked that theory when I read it, especially since it's the only time we see him even holding a phone that old lol. This all could have fit the "Bucky is a sassy bisexual nerd" narrative and it'd be okay. Instead, the director was like "NOOOOOO that line was just to show how old he is and how he can't figure out all this newfangled technology!" Woman, you had him remotely driving someone else's vehicle with a tablet. That is NOT a man who can't figure out a damn smart phone!

But that's just a minor annoyance. What fills me with absolute rage is how everyone - not just the shitty therapist who lashes out at and purposely triggers her traumatized patients, but EVERYONE - Sam, Zemo, people who should fucking know better ALL treat him like he's a psychopath and a ticking time bomb. Like he chose to take the serum and he chose to kill for HYDRA, and he's just seen the error of his ways. *barf*

Bucky in the movies is established to be a victim, through and through. His guilt over what he was forced to do is natural, and that he sees himself as a monster makes sense... but that doesn't mean it's correct. The one and only thing I ever liked about Steve Rogers is at least he got it. He pointed out that none of it was Bucky's fault, he tried to show him that he was worth saving. That's the other reason I refuse to talk about Endgame. This post will get a WHOLE LOT LONGER and a lot fucking angrier if I open that door.

Zemo supposedly knows everything about HYDRA and super soldiers... So why does he treat Bucky like he's a corrupt serial killer? (this, for the record, is why I don't like Zemo) Why does he never point out that Bucky was given the serum against his will, or that his actions, when he had control of them, proved that he was never corrupted? Bucky never wanted to become superhuman. Bucky didn't even want to fucking fight!

Sam, despite constantly resisting the label, is shown very clearly to be Bucky's friend. By episode 3, he cares. He worries about how Bucky is getting lumped in with the other super soldiers in Zemo's speech... But he never really defends him. He says "what about Bucky?" but he doesn't point out that Bucky's a good man, he's fought so hard to help people, he does everything he can to avoid killing... And that fucking speech in episode 5. I was with him on "you gotta stop looking to other people to tell you who you are." I was like "YEAH! Tell him, Sam! Bucky, you're WORTH SAVING, boo! Your value does not hinge on someone else's opinion of you!" And then... Sam dropped the ball.

He not only continued the disturbing pattern of victim-blaming in this show, and in Marvel/Disney properties in general, but he gave really dangerously bad advice! No one in their right mind, mental health professional or no, would EVER tell a traumatized former assassin (whether he was responsible for his actions or not) to go confront his victims' families out of the blue with no warning and no one to mediate and keep things from going to shit. Yori already knew his son had been murdered because he was in the "wrong place, wrong time." How is it being "of service" to tell him you're the one who killed him?! Remember how I said Tony's reaction to learning the full truth about his parents' deaths was valid and would be an important point later? Hi! Welcome to later. THAT is the natural reaction to facing the man who murdered your loved one(s). And even if Yori didn't get angry and lash out, HOW IS IT "HELPING" HIM OR BRINGING HIM "CLOSURE" TO KNOW THAT HIS FRIEND KILLED HIS FUCKING SON?!?!?! This man befriended him, bonded with him, watched him grieve... And now he's learning this is the man who caused all his pain and heartache to begin with? That is so toxic and psycho I just... I can't even... UGH.

And then there's the equally toxic and damaging "deeply traumatized person just needed a stern talking to and a hug to be ALL BETTER AGAIN" ending. I loved seeing Bucky happy and socializing, but it was too soon, and it was unearned. And it sends a fucking awful message to people actually struggling with PTSD, and to their loved ones who don't know how to help them. Heaping more blame on them and then hugging it out is NOT helpful!

This show could have been damn near perfect with just two changes. That's all. Just two. 1) Someone, anyone, bringing up the reasons why Bucky was never a villain in his presence. Someone being in his corner and reminding him, like Steve did, that it wasn't his fault and he's not going to "snap". 2) More time devoted to Bucky's healing. Actual fucking healing, not the shit they tried to pass off as a magic fix-all. He can have his happy barbecue moment, just don't frame it as "everything's great now!" Healing isn't linear, and there will be both good days and bad. Some of the most fragile people in the world have the brightest smiles.

If we get a season 2, which this amazing show absolutely deserves, and they address this stuff, all will be forgiven in my book. Expanding on his story and his journey toward healing will help to reframe that "happily ever after" garbage as something more realistic. But as it stands now... Fuck Marvel.

#fan rant #ragepost #long post #bucky barnes #mcu #captain america #the first avenger #the winter soldier #civil war #tfatws #mcu spoilers #stop victim blaming #victim not villain #never a fucking villain #bucky deserved better #fuck marvel #fuck disney

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