#i even quote it to myself randomly throughout the day

[wtrpxrks]

i can fall asleep to heavy artillery and cries for a medic like it’s nothing 😴

[naokosona]

It's been a while. I decided to only post when I felt particularly bad. I am proud of myself, as it has been 23 days since my last post.

For a couple of years now, I have suspected that I have CPTSD. Many people I've met throughout the years (friends who have it, counselors, etc) all say that I should get diagnosed.

But I refused.

I have so many things wrong with me, that adding ANYTHING else to the ever growing cocktail of symptoms, diagnoses, and medication that I have managed to acquire in the past couple of years is reminiscent of a pokemon trainer trying to "catch 'em all".

Earlier today, I would have to say I experienced an "emotional flashback." Something a lot of sufferers afflicted with (c)PTSD face quite often.

I had no discernable, specific reason as to why it happened. Just tiny little reasons accumulated throughout the day that culminated into an explosive thing later on.

The flashback started while I was driving.

My car is my sacred place. I spend countless hours driving, of course. But every mile added on to the odometer is another mile filled with many memories and experiences. I spent many countless hours eating food in, laughing with friends in, sleeping in, listening to music in: my car.

Unfortunately, I have also cried in my car.

Today was another incident of that happening.

I barely got sleep last night, and I spent the whole day running errands for my internship. I felt like a lap dog, even though that is solely the purpose of my job. I also had to drive an hour just to run an errand for my mom as well. I was sweaty and hot from the heat, and frankly, very frustrated.

As I was finally driving home after a long day, I randomly thought about my life.

I thought about how I ended up in this situation: what led me to working as an intern, what led me to move to Massachusetts, what led me to finish my degree in another college, 18 year old me never expected to attend. (I will go more into detail in a future post.)

I also thought about my past. I had a messy, irrational pattern of thoughts loosely strung together: I wouldn't have to be in this position, sweating my ass off, struggling my way through school, if my parents didn't mistreat me when I was a child.

It made no sense.

I also thought about my love life and how I finally found someone who was healthy for me. But my mind self-sabatoges and tells myself that "it wouldn't last." That if they saw this side of me, that they would hate me too. Even though I know that isn't the truth.

I screamed in my car. I played sad music in my car. I cried in my car. All while I was driving the 30-minute car ride back to my apartment.

The moment I got home, I changed, wiped myself off, and ate a sad bowl of totinos. I then took a nap.

I just woke up as of me writing this. I woke up fine. In my dreams, I was mad and frustrated. My emotions couldn't escape me, even in my sleep.

But once again, I woke up fine.

I cried, screamed, yelled, and sobbed earlier today.

But I woke up fine.

I could've self-harmed today, but I chose to take a nap instead. And I woke up fine.

Reflective Thoughts:

There was a quote I saw from a TikTok a couple of days ago. I know, very "Gen Z" of me. But in this circumstance, I was reminded of it.

And suddenly, it was July, and I don't remember what I cried about in February.

I woke up fine.

[kimtaegis]

I don't think I have ever hyperfixated on something this long other than bts.. I've always had interests that stayed with me for a long time but then for a few months I kind of stopped because there was no content or I got into something else... But with bangtan it has been a constant interest for years. And it really sucks that they have to go, even though Jin is coming back in 6 months.. I will be forever grateful for them for how they handled their solo era. I know lots of people simply couldn't keep up with all the content (me included, I still have a few things I need to watch when I'll have time) and/or burned out because of how much we got but at the same time, time flew by so quickly. I mean Jin left a year ago and it doesn't feel like a year? At least to me.

I'm a little bit afraid of the future though because while I know they recorded a lot of content for us, I feel like it'll be different and fewer than a solo album promo. Now I'm not trying to say that they didn't do enough for us before anyone misunderstands! I just want to say that I feel like because the content will be different and nobody here to idk randomly go live, time will feel slower than it did in the past year :( I'm also really curious if I can keep my hyperfixation throughout this period or if I'll also take a break for awhile. Bangtan has never really stopped before so it felt like there is always something to do or watch.

it’s very valid to worry about how these next few months will go; as you said yourself, both them and us fans never experienced such a period of time before. it’s so normal to be a scared of the unknown, of the future in general, in my opinion! but as I try to vehemently tell myself these days: we have no choice but to find out eventually, and however it will go, time will pass anyway (yes it’s this infamous quote that has been going around social media but it’s so true!).

maybe we as a fandom will finally be able to slow things down to actually enjoy and appreciate the content we get during that time more (I feel like everything has been incredibly fast-paced which took away a lot of my enjoyment, actually) but also the content we received so far. also what namjoon said in his letter today is something I try holding close to my heart; it really is a comfort to have something to look forward to. they won’t be back forever, this is all temporary, and life will inevitably go on. repeating this to yourself about a hundred times a day actually helps a little! ….. and it’s gonna be insane once they all come back. just imagine that pure joy. it’s worth waiting for.

if they have been such a constant in your life, this little time apart will only make your heart grow fonder, I’m sure of it. a hyperfixation isn’t the healthiest thing, pretty sure we all secretly know that (yet here we are), so hey, this could be a pretty good opportunity to dabble into various new things, or to go back to old loves of yours, or to just concentrate on something else entirely. your heart is so big, there’s more than enough space for your persistent love for bts and fresh and new beloved things that you might come across!

that comfort-giving, fondness-inducing, seven-butt imprinted corner in there (taps your chest sternly) will always be there if you want it to!! 🤍🤍🤍

[theambitiouswoman]

So let’s talk about the last guy I dated

i’m literally already crying at the thought of writing this but whatever here goes. A little perspective on me, i don’t date a lot. I never really like anyone either. I have found myself always being the alpha in the relationship (i know ive touched on that a lot on here lately) I realize now, that it was because i overpowered the guys like crazy. Because of that, i had a hard time submitting to them. I cant tell you how many times these guys would argue with me cause i wasn’t affectionate, or say cute things, or complement them. I had a hard time letting them take care of me. I was the one solving the problems... the list goes on. I had gotten so used to it honestly that i didn’t think i even had it in me. Its not what i wanted, at all. I didn’t want to be that person but i couldn’t necessarily force myself to say cute things? Its not in my nature. When i say things, i say them with my whole heart.

So now that we got that out of the way. I met some guy online who is in the same industry as me and we would talk but no big deal. and i talk to plenty of guys in my industry & he lived in another state. He moved down to my state and one day was texting me randomly about seeing me. I was in a good mood that day, had a spa day, so i was like sure no big deal. I literally detest going out and meeting guys. i got so bored of it that even when i went on dates i would put zero effort lol so naturally, i put zero effort here cause it was no big deal.

So i get to the guys house (another thing i don’t do) and the second we met it was like i knew him forever. he said it too. several times throughout the night. i swear i don’t know what got into me, but my whole demeanor changed the second i met him. i was sweet and bubbly and perky. wasn’t even intentional. i remember we were leaving to the restaurant and something fell inside the house and made a noise and i freaked out and grabbed on to him without thinking. this is something i have never done. ever. not with a boyfriend or anything. i never show i’m scared. in fact when everyone’s scared they hang on to me. and i know it sounds dumb, but it was like a “wait a minute” moment for me.

So this little gathering ended up turning into a super romantic date with a walk on a pier and all that. We even kissed on the pier like one of those movie kisses that are super passionate and drop everything. Best date i’ve ever been on for sure.

The day i met him brought out a completely different side of me. A side i literally didn’t know i had in me. I would catch myself and try to stop myself sometimes too because it was all subconsciously. Affectionate, peaceful, constant complements, playful. Safe. A whole different world. Every woman deserves to have those qualities brought out of them. Its literally why i agree with that quote floating around that even a strong woman will submit to a guy she trusts to leads. Because i would sure as hell never would have agreed with that statement before.

ok, I dont want to talk about this anymore lol

[joyfulhopelox]

content tag game ʕ￫ᴥ￩　ʔ

Tagged by the lovely @kithtaehyung i also just realised that i am that awful at tumblr and making sure to sort my tags that i missed an important person who tagged me 😭 @bangtanhome 💕 i am so sorry, i had this in my drafts and i could swear i tagged you but it didn’t since i was not on mobile 😭 i have also been tagged by @secretum-scriptor 💕 (wow tumblr is doing a great job with notifications)

thank you for the tag it’s such a wonderful way to get to know someone and i thoroughly enjoyed reading yours ❤️

I am tagging: @hobipaint  @hobiandsprite @missgeniality @mochi-molala @rosietae @pjmsdior​ @rosereveries @yoonjinkooked @randombtsprincessa (you do not have to do this also! please ignore if so!) there is a message for everyone at the bottom if you wanna jump straight to that.

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

Once Upon A Time, Dr Who, Sherlock, tried my hand at Haikyuu, Naruto, MCR, The Maine, Suits, The GazettE, Gackt, Big Bang, Infinite...ok, i never realised how much stuff i had....this is shocking to me

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

Just BTS

3. how long have you been writing? 

Since 2008? On and off so i still consider myself a newbie

4. on which platforms do you post your stories? 

Used to post on Quizilla, ff.net, asianfanfics now just on Tumblr

5. what is your favourite genre to write? 

Fluff, angst with happy end. Anything that ends well, even if the ending is open, it just needs to have a glimmer of hope in there. 

6. are you a pantser or a planner? 

well, both? i aspire to be a planner, end up being a pantser most of the time. I just let my characters take me where they want to.

7. one shot or multi-chapter? 

One shot, multi chaptered (even though i have my Voir Dire series) makes me feel bad when i can’t meet the posting schedule.

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion? 

10k-30k? Depends on a lot of things (that is for one shots though) as a chapter i would say 5k

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete? 

Voir Dire as it is a chaptered fic, stands at 27k at the moment and it is not finished (got a long way to go) but my one shots, the longest is my yoongi hogwarts au one which is 13k (for now-they seem to be getting longer)

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most? 

tough one, i enjoy all of them, each has left their mark on me and helped me grow and experience things, but if i had to pick i would say Voir Dire as it made me do a lot of research plus mafia au has always been something i have wanted to write or sleeposal! It was only a drabble but working on it has been such a fun experience for me! 

11. favourite request you’ve have written and why (if any?) 

there is one coming out soon, it was an arranged marriage au yoongi which was meant to be a drabble, and it ended up a 12k one shot.

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories? 

i had to ask the person who has read the most of my stories about this because i try to not have any reocurring themes if i can help it, i like to diversify depending on the story. and seems like i have succeeded somehow, i think?

13. current number of wips? 

mostly collabs for now this monts is quite collab heavy, and some drabble requests but i think the other ones that i have planned equal all those in number so i would have to say in between a lot and a lot

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing? 

i have a lot of expressions i use repeatedly throughout my fics (i am trying to get better at that), i have improved on the heaviness of the plots and emotions quite a bit and my grammar (always gotta be careful with that), i also like metaphors...like...a lot

15. a quote you like from a published story. 

I was quite proud of this one, it’s a drabble called i wish you knew 

‘Life is never simple. Life doesn’t care about the wishes of two young lovers. Life doesn’t stop just because you want to hold his hand forever. Just like the heat of the summer, your fire dwindled to a steady heat. Like the remnants of a bonfire, your flame became hot coals. A summer was not enough to keep your love burning, and the scare of your first fight reduced it to smoke in an instant.’

16. a quote from an unpublished story. 

this is hard, because this has been in my drafts for so long, and i do not know if it will ever see the light of the day as it is so close to home that i may chicken out of actually publishing it but: it is meant to be part of my Love Blossom Series, Taehyung’s Story, it would have been entitled White Tulip;

‘You knew that it was soon to be over;  the warm smiles, the secret touches, the pads of your fingers brushing against each other. You could feel it in the hugs that would end up with you, a giggling mess swept off your feet, the loving stares, the kisses you would steal from each other during your short break. You knew, behind all that, there was heartbreak lurking, waiting to strike. Your foundation was not strong enough to hold everything up. ‘

17. space for you to say something to your readers. 

i never know what to say, which is funny because i write, i should be able to express my feelings easily, yet i can’t say enough thank yous, and i cannot express how much each and every one of you means to me. whether you have commented or not, reblogged or not, followed me or not, or just stumbled upon one of my fics randomly but still stayed and read, it all means the world to me. It makes me so happy to read comments and see what everyone things of my 2am musings, and i feel like even if i have or not interacted with you i’m surrounded by friends who get to see this side of me. thank you and i love you all! 

[my-never-ending-nightmare]

11/22/2021

“Why are you reading Wikipedia in Walmart?”

By far one of the strangest questions I’ve ever been asked lol. And honestly one that scared the shit out of me, too. Because the person asking it was somebody who I haven’t seen in at least 5 years – and they were standing right behind me. I had no idea they were there at all. Idk if I was super engrossed in what I was reading or if her stealth stats are just maxed out but regardless – it startled me. And to put this in some sort of context that makes more sense: I had been looking through the DVD/Blu-ray bargain bin at Walmart and there was this shitty looking documentary series about the most defining moments of the 21st century (thus far, I guess) and the second episode was supposed to be about 9/11, “the first attack on American soil since Pearl Harbor.” Which got me thinking – during WWII didn’t the Germans torpedo American ships in & around the NYC harbor after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor? If so, then I guess this DVDs claim was technically correct – but aren’t a countries waters considered part of that country and thus technically an attack there would be an attack on said country itself? It was these questions that led to me pulling out my phone and looking up U-boat operations in the Atlantic and American East Coast from 1939 to 1945 lol.

I’ve always had an incredibly inquisitive and analytical mind, so much so that when I was growing up adults always used to jokingly tell me that I should be a lawyer. But this kind of a mind meant that Wikipedia was a godsend for me. I’m always pulling my phone out randomly throughout the day to look up random information and facts regarding whatever thought or question has popped into my head. Like, Wikipedia is probably the only reason my head is as full of random names, dates, quotes, & facts as it is. My parents have told me before that it used to drive them nuts when I was a kid because I used to constantly ask questions. Especially during car rides. Stuff like why is the sky blue? Or, why don’t dogs live longer? It got so bad that when I was 5 years old they gave me a portable cassette player (this was 1999) so that I would hopefully distract myself by listening to music. I still remember one of those cassettes really well – it was a tape of Alvin & The Chipmunks songs. In fact, I can even specifically remember listening to it while strapped into the booster seat in the back of my parents van when I asked my mom this exact question: why don’t motorcycles have seatbelts? And I can even vaguely remember her trying to tell me that a seatbelt would just do more harm than good in a motorcycle accident.

As I got older the questions became more & more complex. I wanted to know the Who, What, When, Where, Why and How about everything and anything. So when I discovered Google & Wikipedia sometime around 2003 when I first started getting my taste of unsupervised internet access it must have been such a relief to my parents. I still asked my parents random, pretty difficult questions well into my early teens – but my thoughts & questions were becoming darker & darker until one of the last serious questions I ever remember going to them for an answer to was something along the lines of: If God is real then why do so many horrible things happen? If the world is full of this much pain & suffering then how can God be real if he loves us? And if he is real, isn’t it more likely that he doesn’t want us?

As irresponsible as it was of my parents to give a 9 year old unmonitored internet access, at least it saved them from having to answer such unanswerable questions lol.

It really bothered me growing up when teachers always used to talk shit about Wikipedia & disallowed it to be used as a source in any school work. Like, Wikipedia is an incredibly good source of information regarding nearly anything - and practically every sentence in an article has a source for it. I used to always bypass the Wiki ban in high school & college by just finding the source, checking it myself to make sure it actually contains the information Wiki said it does, then I'd just use that source material as my source. It made life so easy lol. I think boomers just had/have a kneejerk reaction to something new that they don't care to try to understand. But, then again, I’m growing increasingly guilty of the same sort of thing the older I get.

Anyway, I guess my point is this: Of all the awkward situations I've been in (and I've been in quite a few) none were as difficult to talk my way out of as having to explain to an old friend what the Kriegsmarine was & why I'm standing in Walmart reading about their operations against the United States of America during World War II lmao

[hongism]

hi caly boo its ur 🌊 anon! i finally finished the most brilliant darkness and oh my lawd i’m in spain without the s. to put it shortly: U DID NOT DISAPPOINT BESTIE, and it seems unreal that u and ur mind and this fic even exists bc every moment is just polished to perfection, while simultaneously every character is polished to a sort of imperfect perfection(?). i have so many questions and things to say idek where to start, and tho im not good with words and even worse at deciphering hidden meanings, here are just some of my thoughts that i remember from the story.

hello my dear!!! eee im gonna answer separately since i think i’ll be very long-winded as usual but first of all thank you so much :(( this fic is actually very full of subliminal messages and hidden nuances that are weaved throughout which i think could be quite confusing so i apologize for that! if i had managed my time better, i would have adjusted when i started the fic to account for managing those aspects of the fic but alas i’m terrible at time management and i suck so. anyways.

first of all, ngl halfway into the story i lowkey forgot this was a wooyoung fic bc SANNN and also bc wooyoung appeared like 3 times lol. even after it finishing all that, i still had my doubts as to why this is a wooyoung fic, or more like why is san this significant in a wooyoung fic. im still a bit slow on these pls forgive me and im just curious why u made it like that.

i think yeah the most interesting thing about this fic is the emphasis on san over wooyoung. and when looking over it yeah i could have switched san and wooyoung’s characters and called it a day, but wooyoung really in my mind acts as the integral turning point for decisions made in the story. 

the goal with the fic wasn’t really to be hyperfocused on the pairing itself, but rather the emotions and thought processes of each character (aside from wooyoung). wooyoung was kept intentionally mysterious and a bit set apart from the rest of the fic because his role in story was moreso an abstract of hestia, the goddess of the hearth and home. wooyoung’s character appeared in times where y/n was struggling with the thought of home or adjusting to the new changes in her life! wooyoung’s pairing itself was actually intended to be solely platonic at first, but as the story went on i thought having mc develop feelings for him added another turning point in the fic!

moving on, the second biggest question i had is the whole hestia!wooyoung and cafe aurora situation. i did a bit of reading on hestia and only found out that she was the goddess of hearth, which might explain the fireplace and the kind of homey feeling to the cafe. and ‘cafe aurora not really existing to most’ part, which was already hinted at wooyoung randomly disappearing, mc never seeing the cafe before or wooyoung only bringing people he wants into it. i get that him inviting mc must suggest her significance to him, but why was he so adamant about his friends not mentioning him or the cafe to mc before that? wooyoung is quite a mysterious character i think, and given that this fic is supposed to be about him, it’s a bit odd that there’s still so many things left unknown, but its kinda cool that way nonetheless and im guessing u would also like to explain that further outside of the story too.

i think my biggest regret about this fic is the fucking summary.... i wrote that summary well before i even started writing the fic thinking it would go in that direction but it didn’t. and since this fic was for a collab, i left the summary as is because i genuinely cannot for the life of me figure out a better one. but i’m trying to figure out a better one. but i really fucking hate the current summary because it’s not at all what the fic is truly about and i hate it.

however, i don’t hate the fic itself, and the reason why i don’t is because i got to play with both my writing style and how i displayed the story. for this collab we were asked to pick a greek god and one of the seven deadly sins, and i selected hestia and sloth. and initially i had intended to have sloth be represented by the reader’s depression, and wooyoung be a more ‘real’ depiction of hestia. i shifted gears very early on in the fic but what it became is moreso abstract realizations in the characters.

san’s character is meant to be this idea of sloth, and it’s mentioned several times that he doesn’t want to move forward, he wants to go slow, he wants to stop moving so fast through life, and those things point to him being a depiction of sloth

wooyoung’s was harder to encapsulate in a more abstract way but you hit the nail on the head really with the homey feeling of the cafe. beyond that, mc talks about just naturally feeling at ease and comfortable with how things are with wooyoung and being around him, and he takes up this role of being the likeable, warm, cozy, comforting character. it all comes to a head in the last scene where he brings both y/n and san into the cafe.

and again wooyoung’s character is meant to be most mysterious and abstract, but if i had had more time to fully flesh out the fic, i think i would have liked to touch more on him. at the same time however i left it more open-ended and open to interpretation. the significance in him inviting mc in and not being mentioned by the others sooner is twofold. one; the others never really had any reason whatsoever to mention wooyoung. he was a friend outside the circle who never joined in with them when mc was around. i personally in my own friendships don’t mention friends outside the circle by name or anything, just kinda vaguely talking about them unless im certain the people know who this person is. the concept of wooyoung having to invite mc in was more nuanced and vague as well, intentionally so, but that was moreso meant to represent this idea of ‘you can’t make a home somewhere where you aren’t invited’ so y/n couldn’t fully make a home of the place she was in without being invited in and welcomed in, but again that’s something i wish i had more time to fully flesh out.

the hongjoong speech about love (and also the interaction with seonghwa after that) deserves a standing ovation of its own 👏 unfortunately, or not, im not actually going through the emotional turmoil regarding love the same way as hj or mc to be able to fully relate to his words, but the whole ‘if you dont love what u see in the mirror then u dont love it’ mentality really hit me hard, and i’d like to hang onto that when i make decisions in the future haha thank you wise caly! seonghwa and hongjoong’s story is also beautiful, and just like mc said, the more i look at it the more it hurts :’)

the hongjoong speech about love was meant to be something very jaded and specific to his worldview. it actually isn’t wholly how i view love personally, but it was a perfect description to how both he and y/n perceived the love in their own lives. mostly thanks to their own emotional turmoils. the mentality of the mirror quote is something that i think i also struggle with, which is why i included it. it’s hard to do, but even in friendships, i think it’s necessarily to stop and look at the person you were before this relationship and then the person during this relationship. if you don’t love the one you are now, then maybe it’s a sign to reflect and see the bigger picture, so that was a lil reminder to myself and i’m glad it touched you as well!!!

“do you love him, or do you love the idea of being in love with him?” - haha i see what u did there (or maybe i didnt please dont laugh at me if i didnt). its still so good everytime i see it bc i keep finding myself loving just the idea of things time and time again even when this makes total sense to me oof :/

heh yeah again with the more abstract concepts this one was more direct and ‘cliche’ but i fully wanted that cliche in the fic because i thought it suited the situation where mc was constantly struggling with a version of san that she thought she loved vs the version of san she got every time they were together

despite how enlightened she seems to be, mc still made the same choices, and i wanna smack her for it and pat her back at the same time. and maybe also bc of the fact that she feels so differently for the two men that i feel like no ending could really justify her decision, so ending in the vague is probably the best. your ending might kind of allude to someone more than the other already, and tho i still don’t think he’s the best one for her based on just my pov on love, i kinda agree with you. but again, this raises the question of, why a wooyoung fic and not a san fic?

and yeah the whole knife in the chest at the end of it all is that she was still too scared to face the music so to speak. but really i would say she made the same choices up until the conversation on the balcony with san. and you’re absolutely right, the reason i chose the ending the way i did was because either way, there’s no justification. and actually although it might seems like i was alluding to someone specific, san being in the cafe at the very end was moreso to represent that as much as they fought, he still very much loved her and wanted to be loved by her. it was kinda an open casket ending there were no nails in the coffin, the choice between wooyoung and san still stands and an argument could be made for either of them! i think this is a fic that i could see myself revisiting one day with two endings - one for san, and one for wooyoung.

something i didn’t mention earlier about wooyoung’s character being left intentionally mysterious was that he was representing a new and budding love. the honeymoon phase where you’re falling for someone you don’t even really know. you are the reader aren’t meant to really know who wooyoung is because of that beyond what you read about him, so his past and such was left out intentionally to represent that idea of ‘hey wow im in love with a stranger!’ whereas san was this gritty love that’s bad for you. and there are pros and cons to each just as with anything!!

so,,,, why a wooyoung fic and not a san fic? well i picked wooyoung for my collab so he was one of the main focuses of the fic regardless of which direction i took with it. as for why wooyoung wasn’t more forward, i already answered that but !!! i view it as both a wooyoung fic and a san fic. both are highlighted characters with main pairing roles!

i literally just woke up to write this and am going back to sleep ahaha so i apologize if this makes no sense. i somehow felt like i’ve read so much yet so little at the same time, maybe bc there are still so many things i havent fully made sense of, and that’s where i hope you come in and enlighten me. i still stand by my word that this fic deserves so much more recognition despite the lack of explicit smut bc of how much more you’ve explored through character building. love you caly and thank u for working so hard <3 — 🌊

no worries my beloved i hope you go back to sleep and get lots and lots of rest!! and i hope my response helps enlighten the not so clear things as well dgjdklfg but really thank you so much. it was a long fic and hard to get through at times, but as a whole, i’m proud of it and what i created, so thank you for recognizing my efforts and appreciating them 🥺

[clairvoyantsam]

When dreams come true ft Jared Padalecki - 4th year anniversary

Rome, May 19th 2016 ... The day the ultimate dream came true! Some of you may remember I bumpted into Jared (or in fact, JARED bumpted into ME) while out and about in Rome that day, a few of my friends know all the details too, but I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned here exactly how and under what impossible circumstances this happened. So ... story time! (& stuff about jib5,6,7)

                                               BACKGROUND

This wasn’t the first time I met Jared, I had met him before at JIBCon5 in 2014, so this was my second time (I was supposed to see him at JIBCon6 in 2015 too which I attended as well but you guys know what happened that year). 

He was lovely that first time, I told him it was my first Supernatural convention and he gave me a warm welcome, made the entire experience so wonderful for me, during the photo ops, the autograph session (where I gave him a scrapbook with messages from fans I had been in contact with) and the panel question I asked him (I completed one of his sentences which was actually a Sam Winchester quote from SPN and it made both of us and the entire audience laugh xD - I have a photo of me somewhere from that moment and I haven’t seen myself smile so widely ever!). Anyway, like I said, the first convention was fantastic, a beautiful and most memorable experience (despite the fact that Jared had a misfortune that time too since he broke his arm and missed one of his panels as a consequence).

The second convention while it had its moments, it sat (and still sits to be honest) heavy in my heart because I was constantly worried about Jared’s wellbeing and everyone including me was heartbroken. The rest of the cast did everything they could to keep us all entertained, they truly did but there was a dark cloud over our heads that couldn’t be ignored. The first thing we talked about with Jensen at his meet and greet (because of  Jared’s absence, I was given the opportunity to be in that M&G, sitting right across from him and Robert Singer who was present at the con as well). Jensen was genuinely worried, he surely put on a brave face but whenever Jared was mentioned, he’d get emotional. While I asked show-related questions at the M&G, I wasn’t sure what to ask Jensen or tell him when I got his autograph and then I thought of the simplest thing: “So, I may be really sad about the empty spot next to you (Jared’s spot on the poster Jensen was signing for me) but I wanted to tell you that I truly appreciate the fact that you’re such a supportive and caring friend towards Jared. Everyone deserves a friend like you to have their back.” Then he took my hand, shook it, looked me right in the eye, put a hand on his heart and told me a sincere “Thank You”. Frankly, I loved Jensen even more at JIB6, he showed both a brave and vulnerable side and he tried so hard to give everyone a great time. My best photos with him are from that con for sure!

So, you see, I HAD to try and give my luck a third chance to live the perfect experience. I wanted to live it all, photo ops, autographs, M&G, panels but I also had a secret wish: to be one of those fans who accidentally meet their fav randomly in the city (NO stalking because that’s just fucked up, only by chance). I always saw posts of lucky people who got to meet him outside of conventions. He’s not one of those snob celebs, you see. He’ll always smile at you and talk to you and get pictures with you. So, I dreamt about it the entire year before JIB7. @darlingjared and I would talk and joke about it all the time, praying that our stars will listen and make a surprise meeting possible. Of course, deep down we know the chances were extremely low. Rome is a HUGE city with hundreds of places of interest. He could be anywhere, on the opposite site of where we’d be. 

The day finally arrived, and we got to Rome (Thursday, May 19th 2016). Soon after I arrived at the Hilton hotel, I got to my room to get some rest after the flight. Not much later, I got a text saying Jared was at the hotel!!!! (no idea why??? the convention was starting the next day and he wasn’t to appear until the day after that). Before I could get dressed to go check, he was gone but I heard he was really sweet and greeted everyone who said hi to him. 

In the afternoon, after I met with my roommate and @darlingjared ,we took the Hilton bus that took us downtown; it left us near the Victor Emmanuel II monument.  Naturally, we went for walks around the city. We had a bite to eat and then got lost in a street trying to find our way to the Trevi fountain, so we asked around and managed to get to our destination. We spent a few minutes there, taking photos and then continued our way, meaning to get to the Spanish steps. While we were heading there, rain started pouring, so we took shelter for a few minutes until it stopped. We thought, damn, we will never meet him during this weather. When it stopped, we did some shopping at a supermarket and since the time had passed and we had to grab our ride back to the hotel since the Hilton bus had a specific route schedule, we said let’s just pass the Spanish steps quickly, go down via Condotti and head back. (I have to mention here that my BEST DECISION EVER was to wear the Always Keep Fighting T-shirt for this walk). At this point, we were certain we wouldn’t meet him, so we basically forgot about it and just started chatting with each other and laughing. I mean, we walked around many places, we got lost, we got stuck in the rain. What were the odds??? So, we’re laughing at our own jokes and for some reason we had our attention focused at the right side of the street. I turn my head straight at the PERFECT time, seeing that beautiful, smiling giant, coming my way through the crowd and adressing me before I had the time to react:

Jared: “Hey, I love your shirt!” 

I fucking froze. Can you imagine?????? Not only did we eventually meet him but HE came to us FIRST to talk!!!!! We didn’t have to notice him and shyly go talk to him, wondering if we’re disturbing him, asking for pictures. He casually just approached us because he wanted to, because he’s kind and simple like that. I was so shocked, mouth agape, that he just went in for a hug to bring me back to reality!!! Now, name me another actor, another celebrity who will stop on his own to talk to you and hug you, I DARE YOU TO FIND ONE!!! He’s pure and special like that. He hugged each of us (gosh, he smelled like Heaven and looked so good in that sexy coat he wore, his hair kinda wet from the rain), asked us how we’re doing and then we asked if it would be ok to take some pictures with us. He said “sure!” and we took our phones out. Mine was brand new and I hadn’t even taken a picture with it, so, basically Jared blessed it first xD My hand was shaking so bad that I couldn’t take the picture, so, he put his hand on mine to steady it and took the selfie. He took pics with all of us, we thanked him and then he told us to have a good time and that he’d see us again at the convention. Needless to say when he left, we started losing it because we couldn’t believe what had just happened!!! It was out of this world. To this day, as I’m writing this, I still can’t believe it. We wanted something so SO much, that the universe made it happen. It’s one of those times that you know the stars aligned so that something you desired with all your heart could come true!

The entire convention was absolutely phenomenal. Jared remembered my face throughout the weekend, I asked him interesting questions during his panels and the one he shared with Jensen for which he later thanked me when I saw him at the photo ops (he particularly liked my question adressed to him and Jensen about the proudest they’ve felt about themselves in real life and about their characters on Supernatural and the other one concerning what Sam and Jared would tell each other if they met in real life which he found great because he said he had never been asked that before.) The M&G with him was a blast, he sat with us longer than what was expected, got to ask him two questions there (I have another detailed post with everything that was said in the M&G), he was super chill and eager to answer everything we wanted to know. When I got his autograph, I told him everything he means to me, thanked him for inspiring me to be a better version of myself, straight out told him I love him and he was so kind and gentle and shook my hand and told me he loved me back (also gave him a custom made chocolate I ordered particularly for him with #AKF as a theme). “I love you, always keeping fighting Jared, never forget.” I was on the verge of tears for multiple reasons but I had to say that to him. I was not in a good place back then and Jared was a beacon of light, of hope that kept me going. At our last photo op together, I asked him to hug me “like there’s no tomorrow” and he held me so tight in his arms, I couldn’t breathe but I didn’t care. I didn’t know what he looked like when he hugged me but getting out of the photo op room, the girl who was behind me stopped me in the hallway and said: “Omg, he was so sweet with you! Loved what he did with his eyes. Your photo will look beautiful”. I was confused because I was looking at the camera when the picture was taken, so I had to wait for my photo op to get printed to see what she was talking about. My heart melted when I saw this:

I mean, look at that SOFT face. He’s so sweet, you can FEEL his kindness radiating by reading his expression. Some people may think nothing of this but it meant the world to me back then. It was as if he was telling me “things will get better, you can do this” without using words.

When Jared hugs, he does it with everything he has, like he’s said before, hugging is showing you care about someone and damn, he does. He’s an actor but he doesn’t pretend during these moments, I can assure you. He’s a person who feels things deeply, he’s someone who understands what it’s like to struggle with your personal demons and that’s why I’ve always related to him the most. He has a heart of gold and personally, I’ll have his back always. He didn’t have to be so kind to me but he was and I will never forget that.

So this is my story. This post was probably too long but I had to share these thoughts. 

Jared, I know you don’t remember me but if you ever see this, thank you for being you, don’t ever change. I love you, man. #AKF

~Elena

[tays2centsonstuff]

A LOVE SONG FOR BOBBY LONG, 2004

synopsis: a headstrong young woman returns to new orleans after the death of her estranged mother, where she finds two men living in the house she supposedly inherited.

director: shainee gabel writers: ronald everett capps (novel), shainee gabel (screenplay) stars: scarlett johansson, john travolta, gabriel macht

genres: drama

country: usa language: egglish filming locations: new orleans, usa

runtime: 119mins

---

overall opinion:

ahhh this one. this might be my all-time favourite movie. I am constantly torn between telling others about it and just keeping this little gem all to myself. but here we are. I’m putting it out there. because I think it deserves to be seen.

the first time I saw this movie was yeeears ago when I randomly stumbled across the DVD in a store (yeah, that’s how long ago it was). I’m not someone who likes romantic movies so I have no idea why I picked it up because from the title to the description it just screamed love story to me.

nevertheless I decided to get it. and jesus am I glad I did. now, this is not by any means an exciting movie – but if you love character driven stories definitely give this a chance. the cast is absolutely incredible. 

the story revolves around pursy, a young woman who learns one day that her redneck boyfriend forgot to tell her that her estranged mother had died. she leaves immediately for the funeral only to realise once she gets to new orleans that she missed it. she learns that she inherited a house from her mother but when she goes there she discovers two men (john travolta and gabriel macht) who tell her they all inherited it, hoping it will make her leave again. but to their dismay she decides to stay and ride it out – hoping that they will leave.

the rest of the plot revolves around those three characters, their histories, their relationships, their development. it is a story full of heart with character development at its center – my favourite kind of story – and all three main actors, scarlett, john, and gabriel, are phenomenal in their respective roles. 

I still watch this movie every year on my birthday (and a couple times throughout the year), because I grew so attached to it in a way. I think it will forever hold a very special place in my heart.

the cinematography is also really amazing, with the beautiful landscapes and vibes (and exceptional music!) of new orleans. 

---

SPOILERS AHEAD

I would invite you to watch the movie first and then come back for the rest if it’s something that interests you. :)

--

why it stayed with me:

the part that gets me every time is the ending… with the title and throughout the whole movie you are convinced it is a love story – pursy and lawson anyone? – and in the end, during those final minutes you realise... it is a love story. but it’s not the kind of love story between a couple. this is a love story between a father and his daughter. and just, the voice over in the end. cue the tears, every time, even after seeing it more than 20 times by now.

---

favourite scene / moment:

when pursy sits at the train station for hours reading «the heart is a lonely hunter» which eventually makes her go back. and that scene by the lake when she realises bobby is her father, and she starts crying because she’s sad nobody saw her grow up and he says he was there and I just… FEELS.

I also in general loooove the music. I really need to visit new orleans someday. it looks absolutely magical.

---

what I didn’t like:

nothing. this movie is perfection to me. there is nothing I don’t like about this film.

---

interesting trivia / fun facts:

writer/director shainee gabel adapted the screenplay from the previously unpublished novel "off magazine street" by ronald everett capps. capps' son, grayson capps, appears in the film and contributed six songs to its soundtrack.

also, not necessarily a movie fact but a personal one: the book pursy reads before she decides to go back is called «the heart is a lonely hunter» by carson mccullers. I loved the movie so much I wanted to know why this of all books played such a pivotal role in it, so I went and bought it. «the heart is a lonely hunter» is a beautiful story of outcasts that counts as a modern classic (published in 1940). I highly recommend the book too.

---

favourite quotes:

pursy will: everyone knows that books are better than life! that's why they're books!

---- honestly this movie is filled with beautiful quotes, it’s impossible to choose one. but I also like that last scene I mentioned above, where she says she wishes someone would have seen how she grew up, and that she made up memories about herself. I don’t remember it word for word, but it’s just so heartbreaking. 

---

rating: 10/10.

just an overall beautiful piece of art. I’ve seen it 20+ times, still has me sobbing every time by the end. 

[isisparker]

There’s an overlooked Oh Je Moment in Episode 10

There’s this high school kdrama right now called Moment at Eighteen [Moment of Eighteen, At Eighteen] and since a few episodes back we’ve slowly gotten the feeling/insight that one of lead’s best friend, Oh Je, might be harboring feelings for another guy, Hwi Young, the other male lead and antagonist for first lead. There’s been moments throughout the series that hinted at this (from when Da Heen, a sweet girl who declared her crush on Oh Je by asking him out -- in front of the class, mind you -- thus him having agreed to be her boyfriend, sticking to his side and him being a little uncomfortable, to small instances where he accidently came into contact with Hwi Young and he’d react), but then this moment happened during a Class Trip; their classmates had a Truth Circle and Oh Je, being in the chair, was asked this question by Da Heen herself:

“Are You In Love With Anyone Right Now?”

Now to provide context, earlier on that trip Da Heen had gotten jealous and assumed that the reason Oh Je has been pulling away from her was because he liked another girl, Ro Mi. It’s obviously not true and he even truthfully told Da Heen that there “wasn’t ANY GIRL” [actual quote] that he liked. He phrased it in a way that didn’t reveal too much about himself and yet he was able to stay honest with Da Heen, who he honestly did like [probably as a close friend] and didn’t want to hurt.

But now we come to this and Da Heen feels secure in their “relationship” but yet she couldn’t help but ask him that question. When her friends and classmates start joking about “What kind of [obvious] question is that?” when it seemed that the class knew the two of them were dating, suddenly one of their other peers asks this:

Let me repeat that: Are you in love with someone you shouldn’t love?

“Are You In Love With Someone Who You SHOULDN’T Love?”

... damn.

So first off, they probably asked that because early in the day, when Da Heen picked a fight with Ro Mi because of Oh Je, they assumed that there was trouble between the couple, so that question was more than likely meant to stir up shit.

But oh boy did that question cut in deeper than they meant to. Especially as the camera panned to the various reactions. 

From Oh Je, who you could clearly see start to get uncomfortable and anxious...

To Hwi Young, the guy he [secretly] liked, who you assume was just watching completely unaffected...

To Jun Woo, Oh Je’s best friend, who observed his friend and started to realize how uncomfortable and anxious Oh Je was feeling! I don’t think Jun Woo knows specifically WHY his best friend is reacting badly to this question, but he knows enough to be compassionate and concerned that he jumped in and was the one that suggested they move on from this questioning. 

But! 

But then THIS moment happened, the whole reason for this post and why I’m reconsidering EVERYTHING I knew so far about this drama and their characters, as immediately I realized something... 

Because just as the class agreed to leave Oh Je alone, the camera zoomed in on Hwi Young’s face and what we had once assumed was indifference to the situation, there was just something that felt... odd... Because while it could be said that when Hwi Young’s eyes would follow Soo Bin, a girl both he and Jun Woo liked, to glaring daggers at Jun Woo... the fact that he was watching Oh Je spoke volumes. Heck the fact that the director of this drama even intended for us to SEE Hwi Young’s face at this moment, as opposed to an overshot view of the class, spoke volumes!

Because to me it says that odds are Hwi Young probably knows. He may not know specifically about Oh Je’s feelings or how Oh Je is questioning his sexuality, but Hwi Young KNOWS something.

It also makes some of the past scenes between them [Oh Je and Hwi Young] make a whole lot more sense!

From back in Episode 07 [also the episode where we could clearly see Oh Je struggling with thoughts specifically about Hwi Young] when a dodge ball game during PE resulted in both Oh Je and Hwi Young trying to grab the ball at the same time and coming into contact -- Hwi Young ended up glaring [or staring] at Oh Je. Again, we could assume Hwi Young did it because he was in competition mode... 

To as recent as Episode 10 itself, early on, when the class activity was a game like Musical Chairs, but instead the students would dance randomly until the MC called out a number and the students would gather in a cluster of that specific number, odd ones are out; at this moment Ro Mi had yanked Oh Je into her group and while Oh Je was surprised by the move, Hwi Young was the one that was staring at Oh Je. Hwi Young could be looking anywhere else, or even smiling at the fact that their group wasn’t called out, but instead we’re given this specific look the moment Oh Je was yanked literally to Hwi Young’s side.

There’s one more moment I want to bring up that has made me even more assured that that look Hwi Young gave Oh Je in the Truth Circle moment had more meaning.

Back in Episode 09, Hwi Young had deceived Soo Bin in an attempt to stop her from getting closer to Jun Woo. He had sent a false text to make her doubt Jun Woo’s sincerity towards her and though he did it to break the pair up, he knew that it would cause her pain YET he did it anyway regardless of his guilt over the lie. When he saw her pain, he took it out on himself by agressively kicking a soccer ball. This lead to Oh Je, who was walking by with some friends, having seen Hwi Young out on the field. Curious and maybe a little concerned, Oh Je entered the field and offered to play goalie for Hwi Young. 

Hwi Young questioned if that’s what Oh Je wanted to do [and again I myself am questioning if that was intentional because one would assume Hwi Young would have been indifferent and agreed, AND YET he made sure that it was something Oh Je was okay with doing], but Oh Je agreed and then Hwi Young proceeded to take even more of his aggressions out. 

Oh Je wasn’t able to keep up and even called Hwi Young out on his anger, which caused Hwi Young to start walking away to leave when...

He stares back at Oh Je for some time. Not just a pause with his back to Oh Je, contemplating his words, but he actually LOOKED BACK at Oh Je before considering his words and then saying...

Again we could assume [and it might just be that’s how the scenerio reads as] that Hwi Young’s guilt is the one that’s talking, making him ask Oh Je (someone who has no connection to Hwi Young’s current troubles outside of the fact that Oh Je’s best friend is Hwi Young’s competition for Soo Bin) these questions. 

But given now what we currently know, and given that specific look Hwi Young gave Oh Je way way later [Episode 10, the whole point of this post] during the Truth Circle game...

For Hwi Young to ask Oh Je “What do you do when you hate yourself? When you’re angry at yourself.” seems like Hwi Young, who is actually intelligent and observant, knows more than we assume.

When Oh Je responds to Hwi Young’s questions with concern by asking Why?

This scene even gives more empathy to Hwi Young, who for majority of the first half of the series is just some priviliged asshole but is revealed to be under pressure [emotional and physical] from his parents to be the Perfect Student and is taking it out on nearly everyone... And he could have easily replied angrily at Oh Je too, but instead he looks resigned and tired. Especially as he responds with a negative view on himself.

And this is worth taking note because this is also probably the first time we’ve seen Hwi Young admit a flaw about himself OUT LOUD and TO ANYONE. Not to his parents, not to his teachers, not to his peers and close friends.. NOT TO ANYONE BUT OH JE.

And I have a feeling that Hwi Young probably knows Oh Je wouldn’t judge nor cater to him.

This whole time up until Episode 10, we’ve had to watch Oh Je come to grips with his feelings towards Hwi Young and have empathy towards Oh Je for crushing on 1. a straight male classmate that is 2. a priviliged asshole regardless of the fact that he’s a kid whose father physically and emotionally abuses him... but what if we weren’t the only ones aware of Oh Je’s feelings? What if, on some level that’s yet to be revealed, Hwi Young knew as well?

[aseriesofvariousevents]

The Shadow and Bone Trilogy

I got the Shadow and Bone as a present for Christmas years ago, but somehow never actually got around to ever reading it. I had started the first book quite a few times, but never got beyond the very beginning of the novel. This winter, though, I finally decided to buckle down and read it and boy am I glad I did. I somehow managed to read the entire series over the span of five days in the midst of finals, stealing every second I could to immerse myself in the story. Leigh Bardugo has created a brilliant and complex world for her characters.

*SPOILERS*

The first book in the series, Shadow and Bone, was an exciting start to the series, full of world-building and fascinating characters. As someone who prides myself in catching twists in stories before revealed by the author, I was shocked when Baghra revealed that the Darkling’s motives were not as pure as Alina thought and even more so that she was his mother. At times I found Alina frustrating but her character was resilient and truly grew as the story progressed. Genya’s character was also one of my favorite aspects of the story. Her pining after David, the sullen fabrikator, added a depth to her character and her and Alina’s friendship was also remarkable. There was a point when I thought that Alina and the Darkling could actually make for a fine pairing, despite the age difference -- though it may not have been physically apparent in the story, unsettled me all the same -- but her and Mal’s reunion was fantastic. The depth of their concern for one another was extremely apparent toward the end and, though the conclusion seemed abrupt to me, I was still excited to continue on to the next book. 

Favorite Quote: And there's nothing wrong with being a lizard either. Unless you were born to be a hawk.

Siege and Storm introduced what very well may be one of my favorite characters in the series: Nikolai. This time around, I prided myself in guessing that he was the second son of the king, though my guess only came mere pages before the big reveal. I was shocked to find Alina and Mal in the hands of the Darkling so soon after the beginning of the book, “Sturmhond” along with Tamar and Tolya made it enjoyable nonetheless. At times I found Alina’s and Mal’s dedication and arguments annoying, especially after reaching the Little Palace. Each of their insistence that they were destined for something else grew tiresome, especially when Mal randomly became a drunk streetfighter, for lack of better words. I loved scenes with Nikolai being his carefree, yet very much down to earth, self, giving sage words of wisdom to Alina, much to her dismay. Alina’s visions of the Darkling and utter refusal to tell anyone of them also frustrated me, though it made much more sense at the end during her noble sacrifice, since the two of them were connected by powers largely unknown. Through the story, I also grew to dislike the Darkling more and more, from his abuse of his mother and his downright torture of Genya. He was a fearsome leader, showing bits of his humanity throughout, but still frightening with his wield of these mysterious powers. I found Siege and Storm to be a worthy sequel to the first book.

Favorite Quote: What is infinite? The universe and the greed of men.

The last book in the trilogy, Ruin and Rising, was my absolute favorite. I found the whole “Saint” thing to be a bit overdone and oftentimes I was angry at Alina for being so hungry for power throughout, but the relationships she formed with the other grisha throughout the story were heartwarming and honestly beautiful to watch unfold. The blossoming of her relationship with Zoya, despite their initial distaste for each other, was rewarding to watch unfold. Alina’s dedication to Genya, despite the difficulties their friendship endured, was inspiring and Nikolai’s continued vivaciousness and innovativeness kept the story feeling fresh and exciting. I loved getting to her more about Baghra’s backstory, from her childhood spent feeling unwanted, to her sister’s revival turned martyrdom, to her raising of her son Aleksander to be strong, which ended up being his downfall. I was beyond thankful Mal and Alina reunited as partners, though his being the third amplifier seemed odd to me until it was further explained with Morozova’s accidental creation of his daughter. I loved getting to see Alina come more and more into her own with her power, and ached with her when she had to (temporarily) kill Mal and ended up losing her status as the Sun Summoner with it. The Darkling’s death affected me much more than I thought it would, with him showing his last bit of humanity as he died, and his and (technically) Alina’s funeral quite literally made me cry, with Alina saying his name in the crowd of people because despite all of his wrongdoings, his heart had initially been in the right place. The epilogue (or “After”) was what really broke me though. Alina’s and Mal’s simple wedding with Misha and Oncat and their restarting of the orphanage was lovely to read. Hearing about Nikolai’s visits and Zoya bringing her the blue kefta was so amazing. Alina and Mal sacrificed so much, even their friends, for the most part, yet they still found a way to be happy. 

Favorite Quote: They had an ordinary life, full of ordinary things—if love can ever be called that.

*END OF SPOILERS*

Overall, I really enjoyed the Shadow and Bones Trilogy and am looking forward to further exploring the Grishaverse with Bardugo’s other novels. I’m glad I managed to read the series before the TV show comes out, which I am now anxiously awaiting! 

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Books in Series: Shadow and Bone; Siege and Storm; Ruin and Rising

Author: Leigh Bardugo

[haystarlight]

Fred WeasleyxReader! Different Chapter 4

Y/F/N= Your First Name

Y/L/N= Your Last Name

Y/E/C= Your Eye Color

Y/W/H= Your Wand Hand

If it’s in bold, then it’s a direct quote from the book.

Chapter 3: https://haystarlight.tumblr.com/post/183937811611/fred-weasleyxreader-different-chapter-3

Summary: A mysterious prankster messes up Umbridge’s office.

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Slytherin!Reader

Warnings: There’s a swear word.

Time Period: Order of the Phoenix; between Chapters 19: “The Lion and the Serpent” and 21 “The Eye of the Snake”

Word Count: 1075

Fred, George and Lee were walking to Charms together. It was a normal day but as they turned a corner, they found something absolutely shocking. First, they heard a high-pitched screech that came from none other than Dolores Umbridge.

‘The hell?’

The three of them started running in the direction of the scream, which took them to Umbridge’s office; which had been given an extremely severe make over.

The walls were dark green like vomit and all the cute little cats on her ornament plates had been turned into vicious hissing snakes. In front of it all, Umbridge was shouting her head off; her cheeks completely red.

It was a glorious sight.

The three boys were hurting their guts with laughter as they made their way back to Professor Flitwick.

‘Her face!’ George cried out, overjoyed, ‘Did you see the look on her face?’

‘Forget her face! Did you hear her scream? She sounded like a dying banshee!’ Fred chuckled as he tried and failed to imitate Umbridge’s ugly screech.

‘Good job, guys! You should’ve told me about that one! I would’ve hidden dragon dung under her desk!’

The twins stopped walking for a second to give each other a rather confused look.‘But… We didn’t do that, Lee,’ George confessed gently.

‘Really? That prank had “Weasley” written all over it.’

‘I swear we didn’t do a thing,’ Fred promised, very seriously, ‘but I’d like to find whoever did it and shake their hand.’

______________________________________________________

During that night’s DA meeting, Y/F/N was absent; which greatly worried Fred. Not only was he worried about her well-being as he had come to care about her over the past few weeks, but he still wondered deep down if there was the mere possibility that she may be snitching on them.

Despite Fred being distracted throughout the whole ordeal, the class went off without a hitch.

As the trio walked out of the Room of Requirement, he decided to do some investigation.

‘Hey guys? Do you mind if I go do a thing? By myself? I’ll catch up with you in the Dormitory after I’m done.’

They gave him a weird look but complied.

‘Watch out for Filch,’ Warned George.

‘Pfft, please. You forget who you’re talking to,’ He assured before leaving in the direction of the dungeons.

___________________________________________________

Fred walked along the dark underground corridors looking in every direction to look out for any potential threats and… A certain someone.

After a few minutes, he finally heard a small sniff coming from a broom closet whose door stood ajar. He carefully moved the door as quietly as he could and what he saw broke his heart.

Y/F/N was sitting on the floor in a fetal position crying her eyes out. Fred’s head started swimming with questions and concern. Seeing those beautiful Y/E/C eyes filled with tears hurt him.

‘Y/F/N?’

She gasped upon hearing his voice and looked up, not wanting to be seen at her most vulnerable, especially by the redhead.

‘Fred?’

There was a small, awkward silence between the two while Fred came up with what to say.

‘You uh… S-skipped class so I came to… C-check on you,’ He stumbled on his words, nervously.

‘Did Potter or Granger send you?’

‘Nah, I came here by myself,’ He was ashamed to admit, his face reddening again.

Her face reddened too. ‘That’s really nice of you, thanks.’

Fred shrugged it off.

‘If you really want to “learn DADA and aid Potter in his little rebellion” you shouldn’t skip class,’ He quoted the same words she’d said on their first meeting in an effort to make light of the situation.

She laughed but the tears kept coming. ‘I had Detention with Umbridge.’

Fred’s mouth hung open for a second and then closed. As an avid rule breaker himself, he’d already experienced multiple detentions with the horrid woman and knew exactly what had happened to Y/F/N. The mere idea of it made his blood curl.

‘WHAT.’

‘Yeah,’ She revealed to him her Y/W/H hand. Across it, the words I must not vandalize school property were scratched permanently in her handwriting. ‘I assume you’re not surprised.’

‘No, just mad. Is she just gonna do this to everyone?!’

‘I wouldn’t put it past her.’

Fred sighed and sat down next to her. As he reflected, the puzzle pieces started fitting together and he came up with a suspicion of what Y/F/N’s misdeed may have been.

‘Wait; vandalize school property? Did you… Ruin Umbridge’s office?’

Y/F/N smiled sincerely for the first time since he’d walked into the closet. ‘Yeah, that was me.’

‘Marry me,’ He whispered under his breath, amazed.

‘What?’ She asked in confusion. The redness of their cheeks magnified extremely.

‘N-n-nothing.’

They looked away from each other in complete awkwardness. Fred was not new to feeling attraction towards girls, he’d had a good number of flings since Third Year, but he could never recall ever feeling like this.

He had no idea that she returned the feelings and Y/F/N couldn’t even begin to phantom the idea of being liked back after pining for so long.

‘Hey, listen. I’m sorry for thinking you were a spy or a traitor; you’re actually kinda cool. Maybe not all Slytherins are evil bitches.’

She laughed again and their hearts jumped together. ‘Apology accepted, and sorry for yelling at you. Maybe not all Gryffindors are close minded brutes.’

‘Pfff, nah we are. We pride ourselves on it.’

They both laughed as they stood up. Y/F/N would’ve happily stayed there forever yet she knew that was unsafe.

‘Should I walk you to you Common Room?’ He offered, trying to be chivalrous.

‘Mmm, giving my House Password to the world’s greatest prankster…’ She pretended to reflect on the idea, jokingly so. ‘No thank you, I don’t wanna be randomly woken up by Filibuster Fireworks or something like that.’

‘Haha, good point. Speaking of pranks, you should teach me how you redecorated Umbridge’s office; we could really use some of that stuff.’

‘Sure, I’d love to. Maybe sometime after Christmas?’

‘Sure.’

In a moment of bravery, Y/F/N dared to give Fred a kiss on the cheek and whisper ‘Thanks,’ before leaving to Slytherin Common Room.

Later that night, in the Gryffindor Common Room, George and Lee were confused to find him wearing the goofiest of goofy grins.

Chapter 5: https://haystarlight.tumblr.com/post/184574737841/fred-weasleyxreader-different-chapter-5

[saltpepperbeard]

☕️ galey bird

THEM’S FIGHTING WORDS, ANON LOL. THAT NAME ALONE IS ENOUGHTO INDUCE RAGE. I honestly can’t even watch THG anymore without snapping somekind of something/shouting profanity at him whenever he comes on screen lol. SOYES, LET’S DISCUSS THIS LOVELY INDIVIDUAL SHALL WE. I’m about to go on a HELLof a tangent, because I of course have OPINIONS™. Some of which actually aren’t that bad actually lmao BUT I DIGRESS; HE ALWAYS MAKES ME EXTRA AF-

*Lowers the Extra Meter* Okay. In all honesty, I canappreciate Gale as a character. He’s written well, and he’s rather complex. Heis very hardheaded and sticks to his goals, so much so that he isn’t afraid tothrow other people completely out of the way. Very very strong-willed, veryvery loyal, and very very fiery. Definitely makes for an interesting character.

…HOWEVER LOL, my appreciation for him is very quickly tarnisheddue to how he treats Katniss throughout the series. And how he acts in responseto her actions/motivations.

I will say, their relationship was acceptable in THG. Heactually was tolerable during this book, as I appreciated their friendship/howthey’d been hunting together for the majority of their lives. And how they’dbeen helping their families along after the mining accident. Even BEFORE Istarted shipping Everlark however, and even BEFORE I knew Everlark was endgame,I didn’t hop on any kind of romantic Katniss x Gale train. I viewed them onlyas hunting partners, and as friends.

Soooooo when mr. gALEY BIRD started showing feelings forKatniss, and when he made things worse by being an ASS about it lol, my likingfor him began to drop.

It’s very clear fromthe beginning of CF that Katniss wasn’t wild about romantic involvement withGale. She talks a lot about their families managing during the food shortagesand what not, but then she also goes on to say “I’m sure plenty of peopleassumed that we’d eventually get married even if I never gave it any thought.”And then she mentions Peeta and how she’s unsure of how exactly she feelstowards him. But like, STRAIGHT UP WAS LIKE “i never thought to marry galelmao.”

And THEN, he randomly kisses her right. And instead of beinglike “oooh that’s nice :),” she literally sits by the fence and has to decidewhether she liked it or resented it. And thought about Peeta. And just wenthome lmao. And decided to prepare a speech about “never wanting a boyfriend andnever planned on marrying.” LIKE…SHE WAS PRETTY CLEAR.

But he continues to lay it on thick in CF, and goes fromlike 0 to 100 flirt wise whenever he can. I think because he gets majorlyjealous of Peeta, and tries to win her affections back from him. But like…Hedoesn’t seem to respect her feelings towards Peeta at all. She’s MAJORLYconfused/conflicted in early CF, because Gale’s coming at her and she’s like“tf this is my best friend i Don’t Want This but i’m Hurting Him” and thenshe’s like “everything i did with peeta was for the games…bUT WAS IT REALLYTHOUGH???” So she’s just in this STORM and he doesn’t really do anything toalleviate that.

AND OKAY, TO BE FAIR LOL, both boys were actually erring onthe problematic/entitled side in early CF. Peeta was all pissy because he“didn’t want to forget” and consequently went cold on Katniss for a bit, andthen Gale’s advances are only met with Katniss going :/. SHOUTOUT TO THE “ILOVE YOU/I KNOW” LMAO.

BUT, difference between Gale and Peeta, Peeta apologizes forhis actions. He has a conversation with her about it, and decides to start overas friends, which she appreciates. Because she mentions something about wantinga regular, uncomplicated friendship with Gale again, but he doesn’t even giveher that option. He just keeps pushing and getting more possessive, especiallyas she gets closer with Peeta.

And of course my favorite example of the disconnect with howGale/Peeta treat her is the lovely “running away” example lmao. When she asksGale, he picks her up and is all for it, but sours up the second she mentionsPeeta/refuses his advances. Peeta on the other hand, agrees, asks if Gale iscoming, and is completely fine with everything. While Peeta did admit to beingjealous of Gale, he doesn’t…ACT LIKE AN ASS ABOUT IT LOL. He’s willing totolerate him if it means Katniss is happy. Matter of fact, to quote from thefreaking BEACH KISS-

“Peeta’s intention is clear. That Gale really is my family,or will be one day, if I live. That I’ll marry him. So Peeta’s giving me hislife and Gale at the same time. To let me know I shouldn’t ever have doubtsabout it.”

LIKE??? HOLY SHIT LOL. GALE WOULD NEVER, MY DUDE. “You canmarry Peeta it’s okay Katnip I know you love him” LIKE LOL NOPE FALSE FAKE NEWS.

He even went out of his way to help Gale after he gotwhipped too. He took him back to the house, watched over him for Katniss, andwhile he was probably feeling jealous, did NOT complain about it. Just makes methink of Gale not giving a shit about Peeta suffering in the Capitol lmao.

…HEY SPEAKING OF MOCKINGJAY LOL, I GET PARTICULARLYJKJSLDKSDS. Mockingjay is weird actually, because unlike THG/CF, there’s a characterization rift between the books and the movies, at least in the first half. During the first part of the book, it seems like the thing that predominantly drives a wedge between him and Katniss is his commitment to war/fighting/killing. He starts really getting into it, wanting to appease Coin, making deadly traps, etc. And a lot of anger erupts between him and Katniss consequently.

Because, she of course can’t kill senselessly, and death is extremely personal to her. But to him, it’s not; he can easily GRA-TA-TA without much thought, as long as it means he comes out on top. And throughout Mockingjay, it seems Katniss can tolerate that mindset less and less. Which of course leads to her saying “I don’t need Gale’s fire. I have plenty of fire myself.” He starts thinking like the people she’s been trying to fight, so he later turns into the enemy himself. 

SCREWS HIMSELF RIGHT OVER, HE DOES.

And like…I can actually appreciate having him fight so selflessly? Like, a lot of D12 citizens definitely would have died without him jumping into action. He definitely doesn’t hesitate to fight for what he believes in, and that’s admirable. But he just…starts going about it the wrong way in Mockingjay, especially towards the end. And that’s just…can’t hAVE THAT, MY GUY.

Buutttttt then we have movie!Gale lmao. And I think Gale in both of the Mockingjay movies is predominantly where most of my salt comes from. Which. yeah yeah I know, naysayers; it’s technically not fair because that’s simply an adaptation of his character. BUT IT’S STILL HIM IN THE END LMAO SO I JUST.

On top of his war commitment, there’s also major possessiveness/jealousy still going on, which makes him all the more difficult to bare lol. Like in the movies, he doesn’t care about the fact that Peeta’s suffering at ALL. He glares at Katniss when she watches propos, he refuses to support Peeta whatsoever, he makes all sorts of backhand comments…And then oddly enough is the first to volunteer for Peeta’s rescue lmao. THAT doesn’t make sense. His characterization doesn’t know what it wants to do in those movies. (And then like also he wants to kill those in the Capitol without much thought but then says it’s not fair to hunt the buck in D13 like????) Other than iNDUCE ANGER.

In the books, he at least backed off his advancements towards Katniss, which she said she appreciated because she felt like they could just be friends again. Though, I’m not sure if it was entirely genuine/coming from the right place? Katniss mentioned something about Peeta being out of the picture and the fake-marriage thing not hanging over Gale’s head, which in turn made him a Normal Freaking Person again. Which…KIND of makes me narrow my eyes, because like…he should have just acted normal around her like that REGARDLESS of what was going on, REGARDLESS if Peeta was there or not.

“WHAT WOULD PEETA MELLARK DO.”

And it’s so unfortunate because she legitimately appreciated his company/their friendship. Idk why he had to get so bent out of shape about trying to get her to love him back, and getting pissy when she started to fall for someone else instead. Like, I’m sure if he had just held his tongue, it would’ve made things way easier on their friendship.

It also makes a little more sense that he volunteered to save Peeta in the books, because he AT LEAST wasn’t pissed off towards him 24/7 like he was in the movies lol. I imagine his jealousy was still there, but he was probably doing it to make Katniss happy. He was probably trying to score some points with her lmao.

Jodi? Not trusting Gale at all? IT’S MORE LIKELY THAN YOU THINK.

And then I feel like the characterization matches back up for the second half of Mockingjay/MJ2. He starts getting all possessive again with Peeta back in the picture, and his attitude towards fighting gets completely amplified when they’re in an actual warzone. Annndd so therefore I start getting mad at him all over again lmao.

It actually makes me my angriest whenever he complains about Katniss kissing him and it not feeling genuine, whenever he lowkey highkey manipulates her into trying to fight by saying “I don’t think Snow used any rulebooks when he hijacked Peeta,” and when he says he’ll kILL PEETA WHENEVER THE CHANCE ARISES LIKE??? YO. IT MAKES ME SO READY TO FIGHT HIM LOL.

SO. TL;MAJORLYdr, I’m okay with him in both the movie and book of THG, NOT okay with him in the movie and book of CF, OKAY with him in the early part of the book in MJ, but NOT okay with him in the later half or the two MJ movies.

It’s like…Essentially, I appreciate his friendship with Katniss. I like when they cooperate, and when their fiery attitudes kind of match each other. But he tarnishes that whenever something else comes into the picture, be it war or Peeta. He kind of turns their friendship on its head for the sake of wanting to fight a certain way, or by trying to get Katniss into loving him when all she wants is a friendship.

And it’s sO…Like I almost feel bad for them, more so for Katniss though lmao. Like if he had just been more patient with her, and more understanding of what she wanted, then maybe things would have turned out better between them. Like, MAYBE they could have still been friends after the rebellion, and wouldn’t have to throw away years of friendship.

Buutttt he didn’t, chose instead to be problematic on multiple accounts, and so I’m definitely clinging to Peeta lmao, tHE GENTLE AND UNDERSTANDING ONE.

[tea-rabbits]

Hi! I've stumbled across your blog a few different times over the course of the last few months and each time I've found something in your writing that resonates with me. The way you do your spiritual journals resonates with me. So I suppose the question I'd like to ask is do you have any tips on how to go about starting one from scratch? [1/2]

[2/2] I sort of have one already but it’s more geared towards a specific set of deities I want to work with and learn about. I’d like to have one that still includes that but is also a little more generalized to my practice (and recovery) in general. Thank you for listening! And thank you for being you and sharing your practice with us.

This is such a sweet ask!  So, to be thorough this might get a bit long.  First, I’m using the 2019 grimoire challenge to help keep me on track and inspired to add to my journal right now.  Working on my journal has become a big coping skill this month.  I’ve also made my own questions before, here, but often I return to the basic 3 things: writing or learning about nature around me, honoring or describing my deities, and using a mix of CBT and DBT and shadow-work sources to help me explore and attempt recovery.

Second, I do not organize it at all.  (I made a video about this that might be useful? idk)  I just add the next idea to the next page.  This means herbal pages might show up randomly throughout the entire journal.  I find this allows me to not worry about spacing, or the quantity of my writing.  I simply cover the topics i want to cover, whenever i think to cover them, and using as many or as few pages as i want to use for them.

Third, I use pencil first, then pen, and then colors.  It’s frustrating and upsetting to have a page you’re proud of and then spell something wrong, forget a word, run out of space, or mess up a drawing.  I always have a big eraser on hand and start in very, very faint pencil marks.

Fourth, I have no expectations that any of my pages will match.  This means I allow myself to use wasabi tape or stickers on the days (or topics) i don’t want or feel inspired to draw.  If you’re noting a pattern, it’s that I try not to set many expectations for myself or I’m likely to feel pressured and stop doing it.

And fifth, just start.  Even if it’s just a page repeating something you pray a lot or something you already know or a simple list of lunar dates this year.  Sometimes the biggest challenge is the first blank page.  And, if you’re afraid you wont make the “perfect” page one, start 3 pages in.  Right now I left the first 3 or 4 page blank to (potentially) make some sort of index/table of contents when the book is done.  In other journals, I leave one page blank to collect quotes throughout the time I use that journal.  

I hope that was helpful… let me know if you have more questions.  :)  I really appreciated your ask 

[ijungkooki]

Day 5: Jimin—Drawings

Week #1- Soulmate!AU

Word Count: 1.9k

A/N: another late post again sorry lol i lowkey struggled to write a good story so i’m not as happy with it but i did my best and this will have to do

Schedule

Jin | Yoongi | Hoseok | Namjoon | Jimin | Taehyung | Jungkook

I was sixteen when the first drawing appeared on the back of my left hand. It was a simple smiley face but I was ecstatic to finally have the first sign of my soulmate appear. I remember showing off the drawing to my parents—who were just as happy as I was—before drawing a small heart next to the face. It didn’t take long for the next drawing to appear, this time on my forearm.

hey soulmate :)

Over the next few years, multiple drawings would randomly appear. Sometimes they were small and simple while others would cover my arms. My favorites, though, were phrases that would appear on some rare occasion. They held beautiful and poetic meanings but were hastily scribbled on, as though my soulmate was a writer and didn’t want his ideas to fade away. Every time this happened, I always pictured them somewhere on a bus or a bustling cafe, inspired by some random passerby or event occurring around them. 

My favorite one was written on my wrist not too long ago. It said, “Our happiness was meant to be”. I wasn’t sure if it was a message for me or if it was just a random thought but it still warmed my heart when I first read it. 

Despite years of the occasional doodle or word on the arm or hand, we never learned each other’s names. Perhaps it was just to keep an air of mystery. Or maybe my soulmate wasn’t ready to meet me yet. Either way, I hadn’t pushed anything and just enjoyed the drawings we made for each other from time to time.

I was sitting in class, bored out of my mind. My professor was lecturing about the history of philosophy and I was doodling absentmindedly in my notebook where actual notes should be. As I was in the middle of sketching a flower, I realized it had been a while since I last communicated with my soulmate. I decided to draw the flower on my wrist for them.

Moments later, I saw them add on a sun just above the flower. I giggled as I drew a small cloud next to the sun. I hoped that wherever my soulmate was, they were enjoying our little art project. Then I saw something slowly being written on my arm.

bored?

I smiled a little before writing back.

philosophy isn’t the most exciting thing

“(y/n)! Are you even listening?” 

I looked up to see my professor all my classmates staring at me. While I was busy with drawing on my arm, I hadn’t noticed my professor calling my name multiple times. Blushing, I managed to stutter out a “Yes”.

“Then would you please tell me what Aristotle’s first philosophy is known as?”

I swallowed before searching for any clues to his question. The PowerPoint being shown up front didn’t give me the answer I needed and my notebook was out of the question. I looked down in shame.

“N-No, sir.”

“Then I suggest you pay attention in my class,” he responded before returning to his lecture.

Sighing, I looked back down at my arm and noticed that my soulmate responded to my message. 

same. i hate my professor. he just called out this person in my class for nothing.

I blinked at the message, looking at it again to make sure I read it correctly. Not only was my soulmate in a philosophy class but someone got in trouble too. Maybe that person was me. Surely, this couldn’t be a coincidence but I didn’t want to write another message in case I got scolded again. I decided to wait until after the bell rang to rush home and question them.

As soon as I arrived home, I washed my arm off so that I could have more room to write. I took out a blue pen from my school bag and thought about what to say.

what’s your professor’s name? I wrote on my arm.

I wasn’t sure if my soulmate was going to answer right away but I waited anyway. Luckily, I saw them write not too long after.

professor choi. why?

I gasped. The fact that we both took philosophy and our professors had the same name practically confirmed that we were in the same class. All these years, I had wondered who my soulmate was while they were probably sitting just a few seats away the whole time.

funny... my teacher has the same name and someone got called out in my class too.

I nearly laughed at his response which was just three bold exclamation points. Noticing that I was running out of room, I quickly ran my arm under running water and washed off the previous messages.

so we’re in the same class? My soulmate wrote immediately after I dried my arm.

i think so. 

I paused, thinking of something to say. At this point, the hand holding the pen was shaking and I’m sure my heart rate was a million beats per minute. I thought of all the faces in my philosophy class but I couldn’t pin my soulmate as any of them.

let’s meet tomorrow then. i’ll be waiting outside the classroom after class ends :)

Just a moment later, as if hesitating, my soulmate wrote something else that appeared on the back of my hand:

our happiness was meant to be <3

I smiled fondly at the words. My favorite quote made an appearance again and I couldn’t help but feel giddy over just a few words. I wondered if my soulmate was just as happy, nervous, and excited as I was that we were meeting tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

The fact that I was finally meeting my soulmate seemed unbelievable to me. I didn’t question why we never even said our names but now we were going to meet face-to-face. 

The next morning, I got up to get ready for school. I had washed off all of the messages and drawings from the day before except for the one on the back of my hand. I figured it would be used as proof when I met my soulmate. Dressed in something a little nicer than usual, I made my way to school with nerves and excitement kicking in.

Throughout the whole day, I did nothing but think about my soulmate. Though, it was probably bad that I wasn’t focused in any of my classes or seemed out of it to my friends. I was just extremely anxious. Of course, I was happy to meet them but nervous in case I wasn’t what they were expecting. I mean, we’re soulmates for a reason but I didn’t want create a bad first impression.

Finally, I made to my last class of the day: philosophy. Sitting at my desk, I looked around at my classmates, trying to see who would most likely be my destined partner in life. As soon as class began, I was antsy and fidgeting in my seat, counting down the seconds when the bell would ring.

“Alright, that’s it for today’s lesson,” my professor said and I swore I had never heard such wonderful words. “Class dismissed.”

I quickly gathered my things and shoved them into my backpack before heading out of the room. Since the school day just ended, the hallway was packed with students trying to head home. I would need to wait a little bit for the crowd to die down before finding my soulmate. Leaning against the lockers, I looked down at the message written on the back of my hand.

our happiness was meant to be <3

Smiling, I traced a finger over the heart. 

“(y/n)?” I heard someone say. 

Looking up, I saw Jimin standing in front of me, nervously playing with his long sleeves. He was one of the most well-known boys in school. Everyone wanted to be his friend not because of the popularity but because he was just a genuinely kind and outgoing person. Oh, and he was incredibly good-looking. It would be hard not too fall for his cute features. I was surprised to see him approach me.

“Jimin?” 

My heart was pounding so loud that I’m pretty sure he could hear it. Indeed, the boy standing before me was in my philosophy class. If Park Jimin was my soulmate, then I must have saved the world or something in a past life. There was absolutely no way that we were destined for each other.

“Hi...” he began, not meeting my eyes. “Sorry if I’m bugging you but I just want to ask you a quick question? If that’s okay?”

My heart was ready to explode.

“S-Sure,” I stuttered, mentally slapping myself. I’m sure I looked like a complete fool right now.

“Can I see your arm?”

With my heart skipping a beat, I nodded. Slowly, I raised my arm so that the message on my hand was visible to Jimin. I bit my lip nervously as he took hold of my hand. His touch was soft and gentle and he ran his thumb over the message. Jimin’s eyes widened once he finished reading it and looked up at me. 

Suddenly, he rolled up his sleeve to reveal the same message in the same place. Holding his arm next to mine, we compared the message together and saw that every stroke was exactly the same. 

“Does that mean we’re...” I trailed off.

“Soulmates?” Jimin finished in a quiet voice. “Let’s just check to be sure.”

He pulled out a pen and prepared to draw something. On the palm of his hand, he slowly started to sketch a star. While he was doing this, I kept an eye on my own palm to make sure his drawing appeared.

Sure enough, it did.

At that moment, it felt like time had stopped. Jimin’s eyes met mine before a smile took over his face and he grabbed me to pull me into a hug.

“I can’t believe we’ve been soulmates this entire time!” he exclaimed. 

I hugged him back tightly, relieved to finally have found my soulmate and happy to know that it was Jimin.

“I wish we found out sooner,” I laughed. 

Jimin pulled back but his hands were resting on my shoulders. He took in every detail of my face as if he were seeing me for the first time. I could’ve sworn he nearly had tears of happiness in his eyes.

“The only reason why I didn’t say anything about myself was because I thought you weren’t ready to meet me yet,” he explained.

“I thought the exact same thing!”

We both laughed at our similar way of thinking. If either of us had just built up the confidence to say something, this meeting would have happened years ago. As our laughter died down, he stared into my eyes again with amazement, softly caressing my cheek with his finger.

“Our happiness was meant to be,” he whispered with a gentle smile on his face.

“Out of everything you’ve drawn or written, that one is my favorite,” I informed him. “But where did it come from?”

“I don’t know if you know but I write songs every now and then,” he replied. “But I’ve never actually finished one. That message was just a lyric from an unfinished song. But if you like it so much, I think I’ll go back and work on it. After all, I have new inspiration now.”

I blushed as he winked at me. The thought of having a song written about me made me swoon. Especially one written by my soulmate. 

“So soulmate, want to head out and grab a bite to eat? We should get to know each other better now that we know we’re destined for each other,” Jimin suggested. 

“Sounds good to me!” I agreed.

He smiled at me response before taking my hand and kissing the back of it, right where the message was. Then he grinned before leading me outside.

[the-small-cimarron-paparazzi]

i choose to embrace it

Everything is just coming together too neatly.

Let’s try to piece together how the human side of the boxes situation might be like.

Basically, we know that at the start of Carolia Arc Big Cimarron had (just got?)  the Wind box

"In this world, four objects exist that are not to be tampered with under any circumstances," said Conrad. "The humans, and the humans of the superpower Shimaron at that, have managed to bring one of those objects under their control. The name of the box is 'the End of the Wind.' If it remains in their hands, they will open it sooner or later."

(quoting BT, c1, n5)

and was sneaking into Shinma with Wincott’s Poison to try to get control of its key. (and yes, they knew it was Con, though they [accidentally? intentionally?] cut off Con’s arm)

The Wincott’s poison they got from Flynn, offering her a deal:

“A secret messenger from Big Shimaron came with a proposition.  The Wincott poison is supposed to be in the recesses of the Gilbit Estate.  They wanted that terribly.  Furthermore, they were in a great hurry.  It is the only substance in the world that will let one control another at will.  If a body is afflicted by that poison, it will become a puppet of the descendants of the Wincotts.  Whether it’s alive or not.  I gave them that poison.  In exchange for the lives of the Calorian soldiers.”

(BT, c8, n6)

In the same chapter we hear from Hube that Small Cimarron has put their hands on another one, the Earth Box, having got it via the rotten Luis Biron (from novel 4) and ultimately from Suverera, before which the royals in Suverera tried to open it with Hube’s left eye, but failed.

Again in the same chapter Hube speaks of how the Earth Box was originally buried in Suverera’s soil, near the parts of the MA flute (from novel 3), and either because of the box or flute that part of Suverera harbored houseki of strange property (only mentioning maseki won’t do this not how normal houseki would do?), and the removal of box followed by flute made the place stop turning out these houseki.

Although the esoteric stones certainly brought them immense fortune, that was simply a byproduct.  Svelera wasn’t mining for stones; they were looking for something much more terrible in the places where many esoteric stones were.

[...]

Yes, they were looking for a box. 

[...]

While Svelera was digging for esoteric stones, they finally dug that up.  Deep, deep within the rock formation, where only emaciated women and children can reach, in a place like a labyrinth.

And near that place, the treasure of the demons, the Demon Flute, was sealed.  As soon as they discovered the box and brought it out of the esoteric stone pit, I had my acquaintance inconspicuously sneak down there and secure the Demon Flute.  The power slowly leaking out of the box over hundreds of years may have slowly changed the surrounding bedrock into esoteric stone. Or, the part of the earth fighting against the power of the Demon Flute may have resulted in its quality being changed.  At any rate, once the two objects were removed, for some reason esoteric stones completely stopped appearing and the Sveleran citizens lost their jobs.

(BT, c8, n6)

he also said Suverera’s king acted strange mining those houseki (as the cover of looking for the box)

At that time, the kingdom of Svelera had put much effort into the procurement of their esoteric stones for the betterment of the kingdom and many of the unemployed citizens began to work in the mines.  

[....]

Anyway, it is no exaggeration that there was something abnormal with the mining of esoteric stones in Svelera.  No matter how little rain fell or if the drinking water dried up, at the bare minimum they had to raise the crops for the next year’s seeds.  However, the king of Svelera did not protect the farmland or the farmers and continued to do nothing but dig up esoteric stones.  If he wanted to dig, he should have at least dug a well.  It was as if the finances for the next year were in some way guaranteed.

(BT, c8, n6)

Skipping forward into the story, from Seisa Arc we know this about Seisakoku’s houseki via Sara:

Do you know what power this country has? Manpower and houseki in abundance

(BT, c7, n11)

there being also:

On the other hand, the pale pink ring Saralegui put on my finger has not budged at all, acting like a normal stone. Apparently it’s a precious houseki that can only be mined in Seisakoku, and yet it hasn’t reacted in the slightest.

(BT, c11, n12) though I mildly suspect this can be just a metaphor about Sara

And we know that the Fire Box has been in Seisa for

After staying in the same country for seventy years, I know a lot more about this country than the kids born here.

(BT, c3, n12, not remembering where to find other sources I turned to the timeline of Hazel) 

Although to be honest we don’t know what the houseki relevant circumstance in Seisa had been like before this, but this time span is long enough to cover the whole experience with Seisakoku of Sara +Yel+ Probably Alazon.

Also Gilbert might have been able to tell.....? randomly off topic

Back to Suverera c8n6, Hube talks about how

Naturally, the king of Svelera did not know the significance of the box nor the power it had.

[...]

Since Svelera did not have the key – the left eyeball of a certain bloodline – and could not open the lid, they sold it to a large country. 

even if they had the right idea of where to look for it and some idea of possibility of opening it with the left eye of whom.

So did they originally came to know about this box all by their own?

(OR: Another possibility- them selling it was not about reasons above but failure in opening it lead to practical worries about having neglected about finances.)

And did Small Cimarron find out about this Earth Box after it was put out to be sold by Suverera or did something else entirely just happen here?

Although certitude regarding this might never be achieved, but we know that in chapter 10, novel 6, Maxine was saying:

「ところで諸君、労働に従事する日々とはいえ、現在この小シマロンを始め、シマロン両国を宗主とする大陸全域が、魔族との聖戦に向けて一丸となっていることはお聞き及びだろう。その一翼を担う諸君にも、非常に関わりのある朗報がある」

But gone are your days of repetitive manual labor! No doubt the whispers have already spread to you; here and now starting with Small Cimarron, this continent with the Cimarrons as its countries’ suzerains, is coming together to wage our holy war against the mazokus. This is a much relevant and joyful news for you, who are after all going to undertake a part in this feat.

and answering Yuuri’s question about if the boxes are in fact things fairly easy to come by, Flynn was saying:

“It’s not easy.”

Flynn had a look on her face that looked like she was going to start chewing on her thumb’s fingernail.

“Numerous countries have been competing and searching for them for decades.  They weren’t quickly found.  But for them to fall into people’s possession one after another… I thought only Big Shimaron had a box and key.”

(BT, c10, n6) 

which means something must had changed between the current situation and that of the last decades (or more innocently it can be just the miracle of perseverance but anyways I’m asking↓).

So this added to Maxine’s talk about how this new (yet-to-happen-or-be-stopped) war the humans were planning to do with mazoku was engineered by Small Cimarron, 

Would this something be SARALEGUI?

Though Sara claimed he didn’t remember anything from his early years in Seisa

“But Saralegui, why didn’t you mention to me that you were born in Seisakoku? Not only that, back when we were in Shou Shimaron, didn’t you say that be it your country or yourself, this is your first time contacting Seisakoku?”

This means that throughout that long journey before, he was always lying to me.

“Yuuri, I never lied to you. That’s because all that happened when I was young, so I don’t have any recollection of it myself.”

(BT, c7, n11)

but for one thing he was fluent enough in Seisa language to write up a treaty for both Seisa (able to read it and thus held possibility of exploiting flaws?) and Shinma to sign. (or it can always be forgotten and re-learnt later in life but anyways I mean to say↓)

Then there were mentions of the shinzoku twins-lords corresponding after Saralegui became king in Small Cimarron

「だからって、十三年間一度も連絡取らないはずはないだろう。双子の兄弟がさ、一方は父親の国の王子様で、一方は母親の国の王子様だぞ？国交が無かったのは本当だとしても、白鳩の一羽くらい飛ばすだろう」 Even if you say so, it’s hard for me to believe you never had any contact throughout these whole 13 years, the pair of you twins being the princes of your father’s and your mother’s countries. Even if you didn’t have an alliance, do you expect us to believe there wasn’t even a single letter?

「飛ばしたよ。わたしが即位してからだけど」 We did write letters. But that was after I became king.

(c7, n11)

Also in the catacombs he was showing signs of some knowledge about (at least this part of) Seisa

“Although I heard that there are ruins underground, I never thought they would be this large in scale.”

After walking for around an hour, Saralegui seems to sigh with emotion. In contrast to me now, his condition is much better than it was a while ago.

(BT, c10, n12)

Which leads to the conclusion of this post (finally), that

If he had any impression about the circumstances of houseki yield in Seisa and a legend of miracle box, or if anything along the lines was brought up in any casual (?) correspondence with Yel,

→having the advantage of insight about a country with plenty of houseki (Seisa) and experiencing the lack of it (houseki being rare and valuable at opening of c8, n3) in the world outside Seisa

→Saralegui might be able to realize what the Suverera’s houseki mines really mean (or he might be guessing like us everyone else and happening to come to the same conclusion as marumafan-san did in here)

and this could lead to him discovering about the key to finding boxes. or just the one box to par and panic and affect Big Cimarron.

Sara being Sara, it seems legit if he just found out about the Suverera box and sold the royal family a lie making them locate and extract it only to inevitably let go of it for Small Cimarron to get.

(Although he actually seemed to not know if the arm would work...or can it be intentionally done so only to wreck Carolia and punish Flynn? Then, how about his way of pinpointing where the soushu forces strike? Was it in fact a successful opening of Earth box because things more or less went his way?)

So the last thing is, if we remember Guenter said in novel 1 that Yuu-chan was summoned back to the other world earlier than planned because Humans were making a move (it must be somewhere in n1 but I don’t seem to kind the source)

the situation named Saralegui might very likely be the reason everything STARTED TO HAPPEN

And though it’s not the point of this post but since we’ve got this far there’s no need in holding back before asking:

Are we really not having the slightest chance of Shinou being all benign (+only YANDERE about Daikenja or whatever old acquaintances) and really arranging all things trying to save the day?

(OR: Another possibility- Shinou somehow made Saralegui happen and that lead to everything else.)

why it is suddenly Shinou or Sara I somehow want to be able to love them both

MY GOD THAT WAS HARD FOR MY STARVED BRAIN TO SORT OUT

AS SOMEONE ORIGINAL ONLY CONCERNED ABOUT SARA’S PERSONAL HISTORY AND CHANGES IN STATE OF MIND I’VE REALLY COME VERY FAR

At the VERY end I’d like to quote a certain Professor Quirrell from chapter 26 of Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality:

"Mr. Potter, one of the requisites for becoming a powerful wizard is an excellent memory. The key to a puzzle is often something you read twenty years ago in an old scroll, or a peculiar ring you saw on the finger of a man you met only once. I mention this to explain how I managed to remember this item, and the placard attached to it, after meeting you a good deal later."

Because he is probably very right.