#i eat pasta for breakfast rewrite

[everydayisquiet]

PROLOGUE

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[stampsthemeow]

I EAT PASTA FOR BREAKFAST (rewrite)

This isn't perfect but- (I plan to eventually turn this rewrite to a comic but no promises) (MAYBE WIP ?? MIGHT EDIT SOME THINGS LATER) 5067 words vvvv

I was alone now… But I saw a tall man,

and I wanted to be his friendShe took steps into the woods, reaching her hand out towards the man. “Hello… I’m Lazari” He reached his hand down to hers, holding on tightly, leading her further into the forest. Leading her to an old mansion deep in the woods. “Twilight, are you eating on my couch!” Slender yelled.  Twil shook her head as she wiped blood off from around her mouth. Sniff SniffShouting back and forth was muffled, the smell overtaking Lazari’s head. She leaped out of Slender’s grasp, tackling Twilight. Clawed nails gripping into skin,

Please don’t leave me too. Teeth sinking into flesh, I didn’t mean to.

Lazari was pulled up and away from Twilight, tentacles wrapping around her arms and torso, holding her in the air.

I’m sorry

“What the hell is she!” Twilight yelled, holding onto her wounded arm. “Definitely not human” Slender pulled Lazari into his arms, coddling her. 

“I’m sorry…” Tears streamed down her face.

“Shh… It's okay”

“She bit me! “Consider it punishment for eating on my couch.”  Twil rolled her eyes, “Where’s the first aid kit?” The door swung open while Twilight bandaged up her arm. “And that's when you say your awesome catchphrase, then you go for the ki-” Jeff stopped himself mid sentence, focusing his attention on Lazari peeking over the couch. Lulu waved at Lazari, taking steps closer towards the girl. “Don’t get too close. She bites.” She pulled up her sleeve, revealing the bloody-ed bandages. “Oh? I’m just going to take her on a walk real quick-” Jeff grabbed onto Lazari’s hand, leading her out the door. “Alright we’ll be back soon!” “Slender’s gonna be pissed when they get back.” Twil stated.

Hung by a rope tied upon a high branch, the looming night sky obscuring her features. A red haze filled the area, the ground cracking under every step. Following small footprints left in the dirt. The beast’s claws cutting through the rope. “She’s not here… The footsteps just end in front of the tree” The Rake muttered. The body thudded on the ground. ““̸I̵t̴’̶s̴ ̷f̴u̷n̴n̵y̷.̸ ̷I̷ ̸t̴h̴i̸n̶k̷ ̶I̷ ̸h̸e̴a̵r̶d̶ ̶y̷o̴u̶ ̶s̸a̵y̸ ̵t̶h̴a̶t̵ ̷s̵h̴e̸ ̸i̵s̷n̵’̵t̷ ̵h̴e̵r̴e̵,̸ (It’s funny. I think I heard you say that she isn’t here),” He positioned his clawed foot over the lady’s head. Crunch

“̵I̷ ̵t̶h̷i̸n̶k̴ ̶y̷o̴u̴ ̷m̶e̶a̷n̴ ̵“̷I̸’̴l̴l̵ ̷g̴o̸ ̴g̴e̴t̵ ̶h̴e̶r̴“(I think you mean “I’ll go get her”.)” The Rake repeatedly nodded, scrambling on all fours past Zalgo, towards the vast forest. 

Jeff pushed apart the leaves, letting Lazari look through the bush. “There she is.” “But she doesn’t look mean?” “Oh but she is, don’t let her appearance fool you. She's very mean to me,” Lazari nodded, rustling through the bush, holding her hair by its pink bow to not get it caught in the plant. “Jeff I know that's you-” Jane was mid-way through rolling her eyes from beneath the mask when Lazari bit at her arm, then her neck, then her torso, then anywhere she could get her teeth at. Until she was kicked off and nearly thrown back at Jeff, who was laughing til he cried. He latched onto the sleeve of her shirt and ran off before Jane could follow after. The girl's light pink dress was now soaked in red. “That was great” he said, wiping a tear off of his cheek. “Really?” She said, looking up at Jeff. “Really, you’re the best fucking kid ever,” He picked Lazari up, bringing her up to his shoulder. “We’re off to go see Slendy~ The wonderful Slend- Oh fuck…” Jeff flinched back, Slender stood in front of him, blocking the door. Even without any facial features his face still showed his anger.  He sent out a tendril, picking Lazari up and off of Jeff, bringing her inside the mansion. 

“Lazari, you stay inside, you can go colour. I have something I need to talk to Jeffery about.” “I got some crayons and paper from Sally's room!” Tim said, Lazari cheering at the words. He put the materials on the dark wooden floor beside where Lazari was now sitting. First the red crayon, then the black crayon, the black taking up the majority of the drawing. The others sat untouched. “Can I see your drawing?” Tim asked, the girl quickly held up and presented her work. The horns, the teeth, the claws, the red eyes and tears. It couldn’t be… “That's mommy’s friend!” Tim got up from his spot. “I’ll be right back!” He exited the mansion, Lazari could hear the yelling from outside for a second. “Slender, do you happen to know what’s Lazari’s life, before today, was like?” Slender took his attention away from Jeff. “No, she’s gone quiet when I’ve asked about it,” He replied, fixing his tie, “the max she has said is that her mother hung herself, but nothing more.” “Not even why?” “She mumbled something “Monster” yet wouldn’t say another word about it. Why?” “Well her drawing seemed to be of Zalgo, along with her words “That’s mommy’s friend” while she showed me it” Slender stood there a second, and without saying a word went inside. Approaching Lazari and kneeling down til he was on level with her. “The lady hanging was your mother, right?” Lazari nodded in response. Slender stayed silent until Lazari, slowly, replied further. “She said I was a monster.” Lazari whispered, tears forming in her eyes. “Mommy hated me,” Lazari cried while Jeff stumbled inside.

“We are keeping her, right?” Jeff said, staring at Slender. “I was planning to,” Slender replied, patting Lazari’s head. “Thank.. Thank you Mr. Slendyman,” Lazari quietly said, rubbing the tears off of her cheeks.

Lazari laid in bed, pulling the blanket up to her shoulders, holding onto a stuffed blue bear. No longer in her stained pink dress, now dressed up in soft red PJs. “Hey Lulu?” She sat up looking towards Lulu, who had been brushing her teeth in the shared bathroom. “Hm?”

“Do you mind singing a lullaby?”  Lulu smiled, pulling her hair down from her pigtails while she sat down on the edge of the bed by Lazari. “Do you have any preferences for the lullaby?” she asked, Lazari shaking her head no. “Okay then!” she said, booping Lazari’s unnaturally red freckles on her nose. “Hush little Lazi, don’t say a word~ Lulu’s gonna catch you a mockingbird~ And if that mockingbird won’t sing~ Jeff’s gonna cuff off someone's diamond ring~ And if that diamond ring turns brass~ Slendy’s gonna hand you a looking glass~” Lazari could just barely see Lulu getting up to walk back to her bedroom before drifting to sleep. She slept well, waking up seemingly before anyone else. Lazari wandered down the halls, past everyone’s rooms. Slender had seemingly passed out on the couch, his suit barely undone, the TV was on yet only displayed static. “Here you go Mr. Slendyman,” she said, sitting down her plushie beside slender, giggling quietly to not wake him. The crayons were still out from the night before, yet her drawing was nowhere in sight. But she was too busy creating new ones to care about her missing old one.

One of her and Mr.Slendyman, One of her and Lulu, One of her and Tim, And One of her and Jeff. She even used a pencil to try and make the drawings more detailed than what she could do with her black crayon! She first set her drawing of her and Slendy down on top of him. Next she, as silently as she could, creaked open the door. To “The proxy zone” as she heard Jeff call it. It was like a whole new living room in there, but she went straight towards Tim’s bedroom door. Quietly setting her drawing down on his bedside table before speeding out. She retreated back into the normal area, she went up the stairs, going down the upper hallway to the very end, Jeff's room. She nearly tripped over all the stuff on his floor, but she laid her paper down beside him. Then back downstairs and down the hall to Lulu, setting the paper down on her dresser. 

Footsteps echoed down the hall. “Hey Lazi, what are you doing?” Slender asked, making Lazari jump. “Nothingggg-” “How about you go take a bath then? I can go start the water,” “Okay!” He locked the door on Lulu’s side, and started the water, pouring a little bubble bath solution to the running water. He laid down a light blue dress on the countertop before leaving to let Lazari in.

“Slendyman!” Lazari yelled out, doing a little spin in her new dress. “It looks very nice Lazi.” The door kicked open, Toby nearly tripping when entering. Brian followed behind, pulling up his mask. “Here are the other two proxies. Brian, and Toby.” Slender shifted his words to the two “Did you guys get the papers like I asked?  Brian nodded, presenting the papers to Slender. “Have we met before?” Toby tilted his head at Lazari. “No. You guys haven’t, that's Lazari. Would you two take her outside to play?” 

“We just got back!” “Would you like Toby, by himself, to be outside with an 8 year old. You remember what happened with Sally right?” He sighed, “Yes sir.” Why did he even keep a kid alive anyways? The 3 were visible through the front window, Toby and Lazari much more energetic then Brian was, but he still joined in their play. Slender flipped through the papers, pictures detailing Zalgo, and predictions of what could happen to Lazari. Pages of horrible outcomes, pages of her feasting on flesh of her friends, pages of her losing control of her body, pages of her leading him to them.  Horns, burnt flesh, glowing eyes, rips and tears in the skin. 

“She's so cute!”

“We seeing the same thing here?” Brian chuckled. Lazari was sitting down in the dirt, looking at the stones lining the path, picking up an unnaturally blue rock. “It looks like EJ’s mask!” Toby pulled a marker out of his hoodie’s pocket, scribbling on EJ’s “eyes” and tears. “See! Hey Lazari, you should give it to him. Have you guys met yet?” Lazari looked up at Toby. “Nooo?” Toby peeked inside, noticing EJ sitting on the couch, watching TV. “He's right inside on the couch, go give it to him!” 

You are NOT the fatherClearly he isn’t. The daughter is half white! I should know… I ate her kidney.

Lazari set the rock on the arm rest, poking him to get his attention. EJ paused the TV, looking down at the rock, then at Lazari, giving her a small wave as he picked up the rock. He looked at the scribbled on face, taking off his mask to compare it to the rock. He gave Lazari a smile, displaying his fangs, and a thumbs up.

Jack and Lulu sat in the living room, Lulu talking while Jack listened, the TV played whatever shitty TV show happened to be on. Until Jeff and Ben raced into the living room. “I’m choosing what we are playing!” “You chose last time!” Ben turned on the console set below the TV, playing with the buttons on the side of the TV to change the HDMI. Jeff pushed him out of the way, which led to Ben kicking his leg at Jeff. Tackle,

Punch,

Kick, Slap,

Intelligible yelling,

EJ just flipped through the channels as Slender entered the room, grabbing the two up and separating them. “Stay right there. Don’t move. I don’t need you two breaking another thing in this house.”  Jeff and Ben stood still, kneeling against the wall “Lulu, can you go out and get Lazari, Toby, and Brian? They’ve been out there for a while.”  Lulu left the mansion, no sight of the 3 nearby, she could hear yelling from far out in the woods. She ran towards the noise, which never seemed to get closer, she ran until she was out of breath, leaning up against a tree, the ground cracked. Red spilled out of the ground, she jumped back, attempting to run, but a clawed hand latched onto one of her pigtails. Throwing her against the ground. The Rake scampered behind, nodding its head and spewing out unintelligible words towards Zalgo. “ H̷e̴l̶l̵o̴,̴ ̸L̴u̷c̶i̸n̵e̶.̵ (Hello, Lucine.)” He pushed her bangs out of her face, digging his claws into her sockets. “O̴h̵,̶ ̸d̴o̵n̵’̸t̵ ̸t̶e̷l̷l̶ ̴m̸e̸ ̵y̶o̶u̵ ̴m̵i̶s̵s̵e̷d̶ ̷t̴h̸i̶s̷ ̸f̸a̵c̵e̸,̵ (Oh, don’t tell me you missed this face,)” “Get away! I already am going through the consequences of dealing with you! Isn’t that enough!” “̵I̵t̵'̷s̸ ̵n̴e̷v̴e̵r̴ ̴e̵n̵o̷u̷g̶h̶.. ̵A̴ ̶l̵i̸t̵t̷l̴e̴ ̶b̸i̵r̵d̸i̶e̴ ̴t̶o̶l̸d̴ ̸m̴e̴ ̴y̷o̶u̸ ̶m̸i̸g̷h̵t̸ ̵k̷n̷o̵w̸ ̴w̵h̸e̴r̴e̸ ̶L̷a̴z̵a̸r̷i̸ ̶i̴s̴.̶ ̶N̵o̷w̶ ̷t̶a̶l̵k̶.̸ (It's never enough... A little birdie told me you might know where Lazari is. Now talk.) " She returned with nothing but silence, biting her tongue.  Until he grabbed onto her arm, twisting further then it was meant to waiting for the-

Crack

He laughed at her screams and wails. Too far out for anyone in the mansion to hear, too far out for Slender to be alerted. “I don't know where she is! I don't know!” It wasn’t a lie, yet not the answer he had been looking for. The Rake came closer, getting a better sniff of Lazari from Lulu’s sweater.

“S̴o̷ ̵L̴u̵c̴i̵n̶e̸ ̶h̶o̶w̴ ̵d̶o̵e̸s̵ ̴i̷t̴ ̸f̸e̷e̴l̷ ̴b̵e̵i̸n̵g̵ ̶u̶n̵d̵e̴r̷ ̷h̸i̴s̵ ̶r̶o̶o̷f̶,̵ ̶y̴e̸t̴ ̵h̶i̸d��i̶n̵g̷ ̶t̵h̶i̸s̸ ̸f̵r̴o̶m̴ ̸h̴i̶m̶.̴ ̶O̴r̷ ̵h̸a̷v̵e̸ ̵y̷o̷u̶ ̸b̸y c̸h̷a̴n̴c̵e̷ ̴t̷o̶l̵d̶ ̴t̵h̸e̶ ̷S̶l̶e̵n̵d̸e̵r̴m̷a̴n̶ ̷a̷b̶o̶u̴t̴ ̴u̸s̸?̷ (So Lucine how does it feel being under his roof, yet hiding this from him. Or have you by chance told the Slenderman about us?)”

“That's odd…” “What?” “Lulu hasn’t returned yet, and didn’t you hear the others enter through the back door too?” “Yeah…” “Ben, cover me, I don’t have a good feeling about this.”  Jeff grabbed a knife off of the table, and left out the door, wandering into the woods. Until he heard the faintest scream in the distance, he followed towards the sound, being quick yet quiet, the screams got louder as red mist filled the trees. Nearly tripping over the cracked ground as he approached, he could see the silhouette of Lulu and… ZalgoHe threw his knife towards the demon’s arm, it sunk into his inhuman flesh, it was barely more than a slight sting, yet it caused Zalgo to release Lulu from his grasp. Jeff used that moment to get in front of Lulu, shielding her from the beast, re-grabbing his knife and holding it out in front of him. “Fuck you Zalgo… I think it's time for you to go to sleep.” “F̵i̶n̷e̷,̶ ̵I̷ ̶g̵i̸v̷e̸ ̶u̶p̵.̷ (Fine, I give up.)” “You think I believe your obvious bullshit? “O̸h̸ ̴o̶f̵ ̶c̵o̵u̷r̸s̵e̵ ̶n̶o̸t̵!̷ ̵I̶t̵'̴s̵ ̵j̵u̴s̶t̴ ̸y̷o̶u̴ ̶h̸a̴v̶e̷ ̷o̵n̵l̵y̷ ̷t̷w̶o̵ ̴o̷p̸t̵i̴o̵n̶s̴,̷ ̴t̵a̴k̷e̵ ̶L̷u̸c̶i̸n̶e̴ ̴i̵n̸s̸i̶d̶e̶,̸ ̴o̴r̵ ̶f̶i̶g̷h̴t̸ ̷m̶e̶.̶ ̶C̷a̸n̶'̸t̶ ̴b̵e̸ ̷i̴n̷ ̷t̸w̷o̶ ̶p̴l̵a̵c̶e̸s̶ ̵a̷t̶ ̴o̴n̷c̷e̶ ̴J̸e̵f̸f̴e̷r̷y̷.̶  (Oh of course not! It's just you have only two options, take Lucine inside, or fight me. Can't be in two places at once Jeffery.)” “What did you just call her?” He lowered his knife. “A̶w̸w̶,̴ ̵i̴t̴ ̴a̵p̷p̵e̶a̶r̵s̷ ̶t̷h̷e̶ ̶i̵n̵s̸a̶n̵e̵ ̶m̶u̵r̶d̶e̵r̵ ̴d̴o̸e̸s̶ ̶h̸a̸v̸e̶ ̸a̸ ̸h̸e̸a̶r̷t̷.̶̶ ̸I̵ ̸c̶a̷n̷’t̴ ̶w̵a̴i̷t̴ ̵t̶o̶ ̵r̵i̴p̴ ̵i̸t̷ ̸o̶u̷t̴.̴ (Aww, it appears the insane murderer does have a heart. I can't wait to rip it out.)”

Lazari sat beside EJ, curled up on the couch, some old movie playing on the TV, fresh popcorn sat between them, Ben stood up, still against the wall, trying to watch as well. Sniff Sniff Do… Do I smell Daddy?

“Why was he attacking you- Why did he call you Lucine- what connections do you have to that demon fucker-” “Jeff, calm down- let Lulu explain-” “My name isn't Lulu!” … “He was after Lazi- but-” Back before Lulu was here she was enrolling mid-year to a new, all girls, private school. They were ruthless, finding every little thing wrong with her appearance, with how she acted, with her home life, they picked out every little detail they could. Reporting every dress code violation to the staff, her shirt untucked, her hair not perfectly brushed, a button undone, missing her tie, a rip of the seams, every little thing. 

Until she had to stay after school for her rule breaking, where little supervision occurred. One trip to the washroom, the quiet sound of snipping scissors, her long beautiful hair, cut down to just a tad below the shoulder. She was blamed for cutting it herself while she was gone, there was no proof of anyone else being sent out to the washroom as she was out, and Lucine couldn’t get a look at the girl’s face, but she knew who it was, just couldn't prove it.

 It only got worse from there. Black and blue bruises began to coat her legs, alongside scratches and scrapes. Her attendance dropped as she started to skip classes, then school in its entirety, detentions stacked on top of eachother from her lack of going. But on the verge of giving up, a blog post caught her attention online. “Summoning spell” “Use with caution” “Will change your life forever”It seemed fake, like how many others that claimed to do the same were, but the comments seemed legit, the ritual was very specific, and it didn’t hurt to try it, right? In the span of a few days she gathered the materials, blood of a goat, wood, oil, a lighter, an old book. Outside, far enough away from any occupied buildings, she set it together. The logs placed together to form his symbol, the book in the center, blood poured across the whole thing, the oil soaking the area, and finally, the flame. She couldn’t believe her eyes, the red mist flowing out from the middle, flooding the area, til she could barely see a couple feet out. The devil himself, clawing his way out of the ground, standing tall in front of Lucine, she nearly jumped back at the sight. “W̴h̴a̸t̴ ̸i̸s̸ ̴i̴t̵ ̵t̸h̸a̴t̷ ̸y̶o̶u̵ ̵w̴a̴n̶t̷? (What is it that you want?)” the beast growled. “I want to see why they treat me like this,” She responded, her voice shaking. His claws reached towards her face, resting just above her eyes, and in that moment, she could see through the main girl's eyes, to see her thoughts. 

 Jealousy, 

all this because Lucine was a bit prettier Not a moment later, she felt a tear, claws digging into her eyes, yanking them out, leaving her with nothing but two bloody sockets. “Due to the… deal… with him, he can locate me in mere seconds,”

“I swear I’ll skin those fuckers alive-” “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” “It’s alright… Lucine, we aren’t mad at you.”

Toby sat in front of Jeff’s door, using his cheap pink paint to coat the wood, giggling as he did so. Jack stood not far behind, shaking his head, yet still smiling, at Toby’s prank. Slender passed by. “Jack, you are in charge, I have to go run an errand, watch Lazari.”

“Jackkkk, if you're incharge can you let us have a tea party?” Lazari tugged on the bottom of his hoodie, Toby smiled, got down on his knees and mimicked Lazari.

“Yeah Jack pleaseeee~” EJ shook his head no, stepping back away from the two.

“Hmpf…” Toby got back up, “Say something if nooo to the tea party,” EJ shook his head more, “glaring” at Toby. “I didn’t hear anything, did you Lazi?” “Noooo” “So lets have a tea party, put that fucker Jack in a tutu. He’ll look soo pretty!”

Bottles scattered on every shelf, filled with various colourful liquids, some labeled yet the labels varied from specific to nearly scratched off. Different symbols from different groups painted onto the big circle window brightening the room. “Well look what the cat dragged in! Welcome Mr. Slenderman,” The voice bounced off of walls, making it impossible to know where it came from. The sound of glass clinking filled the room, til Cato stood upon the large box in front of the window. Tail swishing from side to side. 

“Lemme guess, here for little ol Lazari Swann?” “How did you-” “I have my ways!” Cato jumped down, landing on all fours like a cat before promptly getting up. Walking in circles around slender faster than he could turn. “Now have you let the “hunger” take over yet?” “The hunger?” “The hunger, monster form, the zalgo side, the demon form, whatever you would like to call it, it truly doesn't matter,” “No, I have not,” Slender stopped his attempt to face the spinning creature, instead stabilizing his balance before he would have fallen over. “Well how am I meant to help if you don’t even know her power? For all you know she’s just like her mother instead of her father! Or she could be the next Devil in the next couple of weeks! You really should get your details straight before coming to me for answers.” “So are you unable to help me?”

“I could take some educated guesses but no guarantee that I’ll be even in the same ballpark,” Cato responded, making air quotes around “educated guesses”. It jumped up on top of one of its many bookcases, pulling out a book with Zalgo’s symbol carved into the cover, flipping through the pages. “I could also lend you this book,” It reached the book out in front of itself, pulling it back when Slender reached up for it, “but it's gonna cost ya,”

Slender opened the door back to the mansion, returning to yelling from Jeff about the colour pink and a tea party taking place in the living room. EJ stuck in a bright pink tutu, a silver tiara, hair stuck into a ponytail, and his face covered in cheap makeup. Toby had been dressed up in a glittery dress, stacks of bracelets, hair covered in little hair clips, and a pair of fairy wings stuck on his back. Lazari was in the middle of them both with a little crown and wand, hosting the tea party.

“... I will be taking Lazari out, when I come back all this needs to be gone.” He took off her crown, and brought her outside. Don't get hungry Leading her away from the mansion. Don't get hungry Out far into the woods. Don't get hungry She refused to hold his hand.

Don't get hungry Choosing to follow instead. “This is far enough Lazi.”

I don’t want to be a monster

“Let it change you.” Lazari took a step back, tears swelling up. “Lazi, let it take over,” She stopped fighting it, the inhuman flesh started to spread down the side of her face. She fell over, unable to stand upright as it developed downwards

He's going to see , The flesh grew and darked, her hair parted to make room for horns breaking through the skin, claws emerging from the tips of her fingers. 

He’s going to get rid of me, Dull spikes formed down the back of her spine, charred skin started to crack open, leaving open wounds, leading red mist out, letting it fill the air.

He’s going to hate me,

Sharp fangs filled her mouth, the whites of her eyes burning red, her hair shifted to a red. 

Just like mama,

Her clothes ripped from the sharp points of her skin digging through the fabric. She laid there on the ground, unable to move, new sensations from everything that formed overwhelming her brain. Babbling unintelligible nonsense, with quiet “I’m sorry”-s hidden within. Slender got down beside her, pulling her up off of the dead grass, bringing her up to his chest, embracing her in a hug.

“No, I’m sorry Lazi.” She sobbed, her tears soaking his suit, claws tearing into the back, dirt being kicked up by hind legs as she attempted to push herself closer to him. What the hell did I get myself into?

Quiet footsteps surrounded them, out of the corner of Slender’s vision a white blurry figure circled them on fours.

Found her

Snow covered the ground, fresh footsteps breaking up the soft white as more and more went outside to feel the cold. Lazi was passed out on her bed, her hair still red but the rest of her body seemed to be returning to normal. Horns were now less than half the size of yesterday, spikes were now barely felt. Her clawed hands and feet stayed overnight, but they were less sharp. The charred skin remained covering her right eye. Bandages were wrapped around where the cracks were before. It hurt to get up, her body felt weak. She changed into a new outfit, pieces borrowed by others in the mansion, tossing the old one straight to the trash, the holes in it were beyond repair. She felt sick- She felt horrible- She felt- Hungry.She could barely get to the couch before collapsing, she sat at the very end, leaning against the armrest, shaking.  Lulu came into the room, approaching Lazari, leaning over the back of the couch to speak with her. “Hey Lazi, are you Okay-” Lazari leaned over the side further, throwing up black goop all over the mansion’s floor. No… No... No…

No… No... No…Everyone was outside, it felt like forever since the last time it properly snowed. Tim and Brian watched as Toby, Ben, and Jeff threw badly made snowballs at each other

“You are SO about to eat ass jeff-fucker!” Ben shouted “Over Jack’s pussy ass dead body!” Jeff yelled back, both of them lined up their snowballs and- “You put rocks in that snowball!” they both screamed. Insults were shouted by both sides, though they did the same “prank” it was apparently bad that the other did it as well. It got a small chuckle out of Slender. It was nearly noon, and Lazari hadn’t come outside yet, so he went in to check in on her.  “Lazi?” The black goop was spread out all over the living room, Lulu nowhere in sight. He could just barely see Lazari’s red hair from behind the kitchen counter. Right as he took a step towards her the door swung open, Lulu shoving a dead body towards the kitchen. Within just a second Lazari pounced, getting on top of the body and Crunch Teeth sunk into their neck Everything in my head went blank Blood spilled out onto the floor, mixing together with the goop. Before I knew it i was eating Even with seeing this happen what must have been hundreds of times with EJ and Twil- Help me It seemed worse coming from “little ol Lazi” Everything hurts Once she finished feasting, she looked down at the body, at the mess on her, on the body, all over the floor.  She passed out again. Slender wiped as much blood off as he could and brought her back up to her bed. He left her alone the rest of the day, he wouldn’t admit it to her face but he was scared of what she could do. If this happened again and someone couldn't get a body fast enough, would she attack one of us?

As she rested in bed scratches came from the window, making a horrid sound. White long clawed fingers banged against the door until it cracked. It crawled its way through the now broken window, claw marks covering both the outside and inside as The Rake got in. It got up off of all fours, picking Lazari up off her warm bed, carefully making its way back out the window, into the forest, far out from where the mansion could see, towards where Zalgo told him to take her.

 Arms scratched from claws picking her up while sleeping, said wounds spilled out red haze. Skin charred up instinctively as she was brought down to Zalgo’s world. Her hair let completely down, no longer held together with its bow, the bow had been left behind. As things grew she didn’t once wake up, it felt more natural here then her normal skin. She awoke upon a mattress lazily thrown onto the floor in a bare room. She didn’t even notice the burnt skin nor horns on her body at first, she nearly screamed when she did, but was quickly silenced by one of Zalgo’s proxies roaming the halls nearby. Unlike the mansion the walls seemed organic, not built out of wood but instead found like this naturally. She shakily got up and exited the room, non human beings walked down the halls, grim looking lanterns floated within the halls, brightening the area. The hallways were wide, enough room for 10 to 12 people to walk side by side at. It was carpeted with a red patterned rug, filled with different drawings and patterns presenting Zalgo’s power, status, and control. 

As she walked down the halls the other demon-like creatures pushed themselves to the side, providing Lazari more than enough room, she tried to ignore the terrible acts shown on the carpet, instead looking up at the ceiling. It was filled with beautifully detailed carvings, painted with shimmery reds and blacks, it almost looked like it was intestines and organs.

Hungry?

She passed by many creatures of all sizes and shapes, some furred, looking almost dog-like, some humanoid, some were huge beasts triple the size of Lazi, a few looking just as if they were human. Her favorite had to be the skele-dog, she would have pet it if it was any other time. The hall eventually stopped, leading to a huge metal door, the hinges were patterned as his symbol, the door itself appeared to once have engraving throughout the entire thing but the bottom half was scratched till the detail was gone. She pushed her entire body against the door, pushing it open with all her strength, just barely able to open it. The door led to a huge ballroom-looking area, high ceilings with a huge chandelier in the center, and tiled floor. Her clawed feet clicked against the tile, echoing throughout the room. She looked all around the room, looking anywhere but in front, til she hit something.  She took steps back, pressing her hand against her head. She looked up in front-

Daddy?

[iebfp-2-interact-version]

Eyeless Jack, I just got another rejection from my future fiance whose name starts with Toby, and now my heart is broken, do you have any remedies for that? (Let it not be called therapy.)

Another option besides therapy! - EJ

[killerlittlerejects]

“I’m sorry, I don’t really wanna talk about it…”

“Hey, it’s okay… you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Oh hey, it’s a redraw but also not a redraw!

After seeing a few people on here doing it, I wanted to try and redraw one of the panels from IEPFB. But I also didn’t want to redraw the scene, because it just reminded me that the whole storyline made me uncomfortable. So I turned it into a scene for @nathantheauthor ‘s rewrite for Needles And Smiles!

We’ve been talking about the Jeffery Keaton audio dramas A LOT lately, and since I apparently can’t seem to stop traumatizing the characters I love enough, it got me thinking “hey, what if Lazzy’s mom just decided to be more of a bitch and sent her off to the Asylum.” Where everyone is a piece of shit. And there are only two (?) responsible adults. And where she’s the only child there because her mom literally payed them to take her?

At least she’s out of the house, but now she’s surrounded by crazy people lol.

I decided to turn the panel into a little scene of Nina (because of course I had to throw her in too) asks Lazari why she got sent to the Asylum, and the poor child being too uncomfortable to answer. Cause how the fuck do you explain that you have a demon inside you that eats people?

I’m really happy with how this turned out, I missed doing little comics. The OG panel is under the cut!

[lazari-returns]

Who does Lazari like to hang out with the most? What's her opinion on some of the others? :D

:D

the events of I eat Pasta for breakfast DID happen. They were just slightly different to completely overhauled. I don't feel like rewriting the whole thing so feel free to ask about some of those events.

[i-eat-pasta-for-breakfast]

I EAT PASTA FOR BREAKFAST REWRITE

Google doc link

Reblogs heavily appreciated

[that1fanficwriter]

Hi hi! I’d just like to say you are so talented and I loved what you did with my last request! I was hoping to request another Jonny Goodman fic where the reader is Jim’s daughter or granddaughter (around Jonny’s age) that lives with him and they’ve been kinda dating in secret for a while so they could have some sense of normality before their families found out but then they finally tell them one night during dinner. Lots of fluff preferably! Thanks so much 💜 ~🐝

Things Don't Always Go According to Plan

Pairing: Jonny Goodman x reader

AN: Sorry this took me so long to write Tumblr deleted all of the work I had done so I had to rewrite it all. Also, I changed the ask just a bit so that the reader is Jim’s niece and because I came up with a really funny antic I wanted to include.

It was once again time for the winter holidays, which means that more of your boyfriend’s crazy family is in town. You and Jonny had been dating for quite a while but had yet to tell either or your families; maybe because your uncle is infatuated with his mum. You both had tried announcing the news but nothing ever seemed to go as planned (where would the fun in that be?) so you came to the agreement that the upcoming holidays would be the best time.

On Christmas Eve you had gone over to Jonny’s flat to go over the plan one last time but you both got carried away, as usual, once you made dinner together and opened a bottle of wine and eventually moved onto something stronger after realizing what you were getting yourselves into the next day. The next morning you both woke up with hangovers and decided to take your time eating breakfast and getting ready for the day. As Jonny made breakfast for you both, you were relieved when you remembered that you had left clothes at his flat because your clothes from the night before where in no condition to be worn before washing again having been strewn across the bedroom the night prior.

You both had been enjoying a nice quiet breakfast when it had to been interrupted by a call from none other than Jonny’s annoying older brother Adam. All you heard from the other room was “You shit head! Don’t you dare tell mum!” Before Jonny came bursting back into the kitchen where you were cleaning up. “We need to go, Adam is going to tell my mum that I got drunk last night and that now I’m really hungover.” He told you.

“You know, he’s not wrong. But it probably is a good idea. My uncle Jim just texted me, it’s just a jumble of letters that I can’t understand, but still a good idea.” You tell him before you both rush out the door to Jonny’s car.

Jonny drops you off at your Uncle Jim’s house so that no one suspects anything but before you leave you remind him “Text whenever you think it best for me to head over and I’ll sneak out so your mum doesn’t have to deal with my crazy uncle yeah?”

“Of course. Love you!” He tells you before you kiss goodbye and go your separate ways for the time being.

When you step inside the house you are surprised that Wilson is not running to greet you and that you have to go find your uncle. “Uncle Jim! Where are you?” You call out.

“Ah Y/N. We’re in the kitchen. Wilson has been drinking again.”

“You can’t keep letting Wilson drink. Alcohol can be poisonous for dogs.” You say, annoyed having already had this conversation before.

“I know, he’s just too fast for me.” Jim says after flinching away from Wilson who turned to look at him.

“Ok, why don’t you just move it to one of the higher cupboards so he can’t reach it.” You suggest.

“That is a lovely idea. We should go tell Jackie about it!”

“Maybe later? I have to go get ready to meet some friends in a little bit.” You say as you head upstairs to your room.

By the time you finish up getting ready, working on some assignments for Uni, head back down stairs, and hear from Jonny, Jim and Wilson are no where to be found. You figure that they are probably out for a walk again so you head down the street to the Goodman’s house.

You ring the doorbell and you are almost immediately greeted by Jackie. “Hello, love! How are you doing? Would you like to pop in for a moment? Jonny told us you might be stopping by.”

“Thank you so much Jackie. I’m doing well so far today. Has my Uncle Jim been by? He wasn’t at the house when I left.”

“Well, we haven’t seen him in the past hour but that means that he is probably due to pop round soon. Why don’t you come through and meet everyone. Maybe you’ll even get to meet Jonny’s mystery girlfriend. He said she’s stopping by today!”

You give an awkward chuckle as Jackie leads you to the living room where you immediately notice Jonny’s new jumper with a winged cow on it? “Lovely jumper Jonny. I think it’s the best looking one you own.”

“Ha ha, very funny. I’m sure if Mum knew you were coming by you would have one too.”

You give a laugh and go sit next to Jonny while he gives Adam his present. When Adam opens his gift all of the leftover spaghetti from the previous night spills onto his trousers.

“Jonny, are those the leftovers from last night?” You ask.

“It sure is! Skill!”

“That’s why you had us make extra.” You said before you realized what it meant.

You and Jonny both freeze, realizing what you both just revealed.

“Wait, what did you just say?” Adam asked with a sly smile, knowing what he just discovered.

“Nothing.” You and Jonny say very quickly, trying to cover what you just let slip.

“No, you just said that you were together last night!” Jackie said, getting more excited. “What happened? Are you two dating? Is she the mysterious girlfriend you’ve been talking about Jonny? This is so wonderful!”

Before either you or Jonny could respond Martin butted in. “Is anyone going to take that?” He said gesturing to the pasta still in Adam’s lap. “No? I’ll take it then.”

“Pigs, all of you.” Martin’s mother comments.

“Jon Jon, answer your mother’s questions.” Nellie reminds.

“Ugh fine.” Jonny says, looking over at you to make sure you were ok with the information he was about to disclose. You nod in confirmation. “Yes, we’re dating. Yes, she’s the girl I told you about and as you can see she is very much real. We were going to tell you today which is why she came over last night for dinner.”

After Jonny finishes his “speech” his mum and grandma swarm the two of you to give you hugs and kisses. Adam of course joins in just to annoy Jonny.

Maybe just to ruin the moment Martin’s mother butts in again. “Has anyone seen Budiseer since I let her outside?”

Everyone turns around to look out the window.

“Yeah, Grandma. She’s fine. She’s outside with Wilson? Watching her from behind?” Adam says, getting more concerned the more he sees.

“Oh great.” You say.

AN: I have no idea if I spelled the dog’s name right so if I didn’t please let me know and I’ll fix it.

[terrm9]

Destination (Ethan X MC)

Words count: 4 200

Warnings: mostly fluff, however there is scene including infertility issues and then one lightly NSFW scene (you can easily skip that one)

This takes place 18 months after Chiara finishes her residency.

Chiara and Ethan find themselves in Miami, four years after their first conference there. This time, Ethan needs to ask Chiara a certain question.

(this absolutely didn't go as I wanted it to but I got tired of rewriting it and never being satisfied, so here it is. It sounded much better in my head)

“Sooo, are you looking forward to your weekend with Dr. Dreamy?” Sienna smiled knowingly at Chiara as they stood next to a vending machine.

Chiara chuckled at Sienna’s excitement. “I am looking forward to hotel breakfast and weekend with Ethan and Miami sun, but it’s still work-related trip. Ethan hates conferences, he is going to be Dr. Grumpy the whole weekend.”

Before any of them could say anything else, Chiara spotted her very own Dr. Ramsey coming down the hall in their direction.

Damn, he really is Dr. Dreamy.

As he approached them, Ethan smiled at Sienna and then turned to Chiara with a clipboard in his hand.

“I need you to sign this. And you should eat other things than chocolate bars from a vending machine, Chiara.”

She rolled her eyes at him and signed the papers he handed her, pleased to see that they were actually discharging papers of a young boy they have been treating for past three weeks.

“Thank you, babe,” Ethan gifted her one quick smile before storming off.

For what could have been a solid minute, she stared at the spot he disappeared, her mouth agape. Slowly, she turned back to Sienna, who was smiling even wider at her, and asked: “Did you just hear that? Did that really happen? He never called me babe before. We are together for three years and he never called me babe.”

“You two should already get married,” Sienna replied, ignoring Chiara’s shock.

Chiara let out a short laugh at Sienna’s remark, turning back to the vending machine so that she could finally get her chocolate bar.

“That’s not happening,” she shrugged, trying to look like she couldn’t care less.

“What?!” Sienna shouted, attracting the attention of two nurses passing them. “You don’t want to?”

“Ethan doesn’t believe in marriage. It makes no sense to him and I kind of understand that. And I am fine with it. I have known about his opinion on marriages even before we got together.”

As she unwrapped the bar and took a bite, Sienna crossed her arms across her chest and looked at her with her brows furrowed.

“And you are telling me that you don’t care? That you don’t want to marry him? Who are you kidding, Chiara Ray? I know you want to get married one day, I have personally seen your Pinterest board named ‘wedding dress’” she raised her eyebrow now, not letting Chiara fool her with the light tone of her voice.

“Well, a girl can dream,” Chiara smiled at her best friend, knowing she needed to give Sienna an explanation so that she would let the topic go. “Of course I would love to marry one day, but the important point is that I would love to marry Ethan. And he doesn’t feel like marrying and I would never force him to do so. I would rather spend my not-married life with Ethan than the married one with anyone else.”

“Sweet,” Sienna murmured, her lips in a tight line. “Just so that you know, I already have my maid of honor speech written.”

Chiara burst out laughing and hugged the tiny doctor she adored so much. “You are the best,” she whispered, still laughing at the pained expression on Sienna’s face.

˜

That evening, Chiara stepped into Ethan’s apartment, surprised by the fact that it was absolutely quiet. She knew that Ethan’s shift was ending sooner that hers today and on days like that, he would usually wait for her in a living room or cook dinner in a kitchen. She took her shoes off and walked into the kitchen, where the pasta was already cooked, however the man that cooked it was nowhere to be seen.

As she crossed the living room, she heard his voice coming from the bedroom. Ethan was standing by the window, his back turned to Chiara and he was oblivious to her arrival.

“…yes, of course. We will. Thank you again, it means more than you could imagine to me. And once again, I am deeply sorry for doing it on such a short notice. Yes-“

Chiara decided it was the time to make sure he knew she was home and so she cleared her throat, which made Ethan turn at his feet immediately, his eyes widening.

“Sure, yes. I will. Goodbye.” He hung up and shoved the phone into his pocket, raising his eyebrows on Chiara. “I see you are home.”

“Yes. Who were you talking to? You look a little bit… startled.”

“Me? Uh, no. Not at all,” Ethan shrugged, pretending to stare out of window. “I was talking to Zaid actually, he will be taking care of my patients while we are in Miami and I needed to check on something.”

“You could’ve just emailed him,” Chiara squinted her eyes on him.

“Well, I wanted to call him,” Ethan smiled all too brightly for Chiara to believe a word of his story, but she decided to let it go in hope of peaceful evening. “Are you hungry? The dinner is ready. And you should pack, we leave at the noon.”

“Yes, doctor,” she nodded and followed him to the kitchen because no matter Ethan’s mystery, she really was hungry.

˜

As they made their way through the hotel’s atrium, Chiara – holding Ethan’s free hand – couldn’t believe how much has changed since her intern year. The hotel was the same, even the man at the reception desk was the same one, but the circumstances couldn’t have been any more different.

“Reservation for Ethan Ramsey,” Ethan said as they approached the reception desk.

“Yes, Mr. Ramsey. Here, the card to your room. Everything is ready.”

Ethan nodded, took the card and with his hand on the small of Chiara’s back made his way to the elevator.

Once they were alone, Chiara muttered: “That was so weird. I mean, their hotel is hosting a medical conference. It’s packed with doctors by now and he calls you Mr. Ramsey? Why not Dr. Ramsey? And ‘everything is ready’? Like, what everything is ready? You punching anyone? The pamphlets about plastic surgery? The mini bar? Weird.”

Ethan laughed at her outburst, noticing her flushed cheeks and fire in her eyes as she spoke about something as trivial as weird receptionist.

There were moments – like this one – when Ethan caught himself staring at her. When she got angry and her eyes burned with rage. When she was with a patient and the gentleness of her voice was filling the whole room. When she was asleep and looked as peaceful as a child, her mouth slightly parted, her arms always hugging something – when it couldn’t be Ethan, she hugged a pillow or a blanket.

She would tease him about it, about him staring. She would often grin and just tell him ‘you could always take a photo, you know’. He knew he could. But no photo could ever capture the brightness surrounding her every move, no photo could ever make him feel like she makes him feel, like the Sun could be swallowed by a Black hole and he wouldn’t give a damn because he would have his Chiara, shining so brightly it almost hurt him sometimes.

The world doesn’t deserve Chiara. But oh, Chiara does deserve the whole world.

“I might have lied about the conference,” Ethan admitted as they stepped out of an elevator to the corridor they both knew so well. “Only partly, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“This hotel is hosting a conference this weekend. Just not a medical one. An IT conference, I think?”

Chiara shot him a confused look as they stopped in front of the door leading to the suite. “What exactly are we doing here, then? Are you planning to change career?”

“Jesus, no,” he chuckled, opening the door and letting her in.

She knew the suite. Stepping further in, she noticed every single detail she could remember about this very suite and she knew that there were no coincidences this big in the world.

“You planned this?” she turned to Ethan, who was smiling softly back at her, closing the door with a soft thud.

“We are both working more than we should and I thought we could use a break. I wanted to surprise you.”

She smiled widely and jumped on him, kissing his cheeks and his nose and finally finding his mouth, all the tenderness of her previous moves now gone.

They stumbled through the room until they both fell on the bed, Chiara’s back hitting the mattress, Ethan hovering over her, now kissing her neck and the spot behind her ear, knowing that by the time they would get to the beach, the sun would be setting.

˜

His calculations were right. The sun was setting and Ethan and Chiara walked through the warm sand, their feet bare, shoes hanging in their hands.

Ethan was wearing white linen button up, the long sleeves rolled up, exposing the forearms Chiara loved so much. She often joked that she could stare at Ethan’s forearms and those veins on them for hours and wouldn’t get bored. With beige shorts, he looked like he belonged to Mediterranean and Chiara didn’t hesitate to point the fact out.

They walked in silence, knowing each other too well to fill the comfortable calmness with plotless small talks.

Although, even if Ethan wanted to say anything, he was so nervous he became incapable of saying a single word.

Maybe this is all stupid. Maybe I shouldn’t do it today. There are too many people and..

“Looks like we found a place without crowds,” Chiara interrupted his thoughts and really, they were almost entirely alone on the beach now. “Can we sit down a bit?”

He nodded and sat down next to Chiara, considering his next move.

What do you do now, Ramsey? Why are there no schools for this? How do I know when is the right time?

“Is something bothering you, Ethan?” Chiara leaned to him, observing the wrinkles between his brows. “You can talk to me, you know.”

See? You can talk to her. So talk. Now. Do it before she gives up on you.

He turned towards her completely and smiled, shaking his head. “I am fine. Just thinking.”

“About what?”

He looked her in the eyes, praying that she could see how he felt in his eyes when looking back.

“Do you remember, in your intern year, when you told me that you wanted to work by my side? That it was your honor to work with Dr. Ramsey?”

“Yes. You told me that you find an idolatry among physicians absurd.”

He grinned at the fact that she remembered every detail about them and continued.

“Exactly. That was what I believed back then. But after four years of working with you, of knowing you, after three years of being with you, of loving you, I might feel… different. You accomplished something I have never thought possible – you turned me into a better person. Into actually decent human being. With your patience and your love, with your ability to come back into my life after I tried my hardest to push you away. With giving me time to repair all my broken pieces and with repairing some of them yourself. With challenging me like no one has ever done before, both in and outside of work. All those things turned me into someone I have never even dreamt of being and I hope, with all my heart, that you know how happy I am thanks to you, Chiara. I hope you know how much I care about you, how much I love you and how much I want to make you happy too.”

“You make me incredibly happy, Ethan,” she smiled back at him, touched by his words.

“Back then, in your intern year, I thought looking up to someone, the idolatry… it was stupid to me. Incomprehensible. But now, four years later, I know what you meant what you said that it was your honor to work with Dr. Ramsey. And I would like to ask you for a chance to experience the feeling too.”

“Would you allow me to experience the honor of working with Dr. Ramsey?”

Chiara’s initial confusion soon turned into realization and then straight into shock.

“Are you saying what I think you are saying?” she stuttered.

Ethan already on one knee answered her question even without speaking.

The tears were now streaming down her face, the tears of shock and happiness and finally, complete dread.

She wanted to say yes. She wanted to jump on him and hug him and scream that she did want to become his wife, that there was nothing more that she wanted than to become Dr. Ramsey.

“I can’t,” she whispered.

It was Ethan’s turn to be shocked, his mouth open and brows furrowed, pain and confusion written all over his face.

“You… you can’t?”

“I can’t and you know why, Ethan. You know I can’t have kids.” She was crying loudly by now. “I will never be able to give you that one thing a wife should be able to give. And don’t tell me that maybe I will get pregnant by some miracle. We’ve been having unprotected sex for almost three years now and I have never even gotten close to being pregnant.”

That was true. Ever since making their relationship official, they decided that there was no need to protect themselves. Chiara couldn’t get pregnant and if by some miracle, as she called it, she actually did get pregnant, there would be nothing but happiness for both of them.

“Chiara,” he breathed out, scooping her into his arms. “Shh, Chiara girl.”

“No, I know what you want to say, Ethan. I remember you telling me that kids were not in cards for you, that you can’t see yourself have them. But hell, you never believed in marriage and look at yourself, dropping down on one knee to ask me to marry you. You will change your mind about children too and what then? You will find out that I am useless and we will get divorced so that you could have them with someone else. So why going through divorce if we can just break up when the time comes?”

Chiara was right about one thing. He could imagine having kids now. He could imagine putting his career aside and be a family man.

All his life, he wanted to be a good doctor and his main motivation was to help people. But deep down, he knew – and he was disgusted with himself because of it – that he wanted to be a good doctor so that people would respect him, admire him even. He believed that even when people couldn’t love him for who he was, when people could leave Ethan Ramsey, that they wouldn’t leave The Dr. Ramsey. The famous one, the best one.

All his life, he needed to prove his worth to others and to himself and he decided to do it by putting everything into his work.

And then Chiara came. And she loved him when he was nothing but a wreck. When he resembled nothing of The Dr. Ramsey. She found his worth and with her, he found his own worth too and he knew it was not his awards nor his glory.

He could settle down. He wanted to settle down.

With Chiara.

“Chiara, I asked you to marry me because I want to spend my life with you. I am happy with you. And if I am to ever have kids, I want them with you. I can’t imagine, ever in my life, wanting to marry anyone else but you. For almost 40 years, the idea of marrying someone has not crossed my mind once. Until you changed that. If you think I would want to have a child with anyone else than with the woman I wish to marry, then you need to think again. And really hard.”

He took her chin between his fingers and made her look at him.

“I am honest and I am serious and I am sure, Chiara Ray. It’s important for me that you understand this: if I ever have a child, I want to have a child with you. That doesn’t mean that it has to be our biological child. If we ever both agree that we would like to become parents, we can go for an adoption. Okay?”

He cupped he cheeks and pressed long, soft kiss on her forehead.

She nodded slowly and looked at him with shameful expression on her face, biting her lower lip so hard she could feel the iron taste of her own blood.

“Okay, let me try one more time,” he chuckled, dropping down on one knee again, opening the navy blue velvet box, revealing the most beautiful ring Chiara has ever seen. Golden band sprigged with little diamonds and in the middle, stone as blue as Ethan’s eyes.

I can’t believe he remembered it.

It was maybe two years ago. Chiara got drunk with her friends on Friday night and Ethan decided to get her to his place, not believing her – equally drunk - friends to take care of her. As they laid down to the bed at his place, Chiara mumled “You have the most beautiful eyes in the whole galaxy. If we get married someday, I want my engagement ring to have a stone in your eyes’ color”

She was terribly embarrassed the next day and they swore to never talk about it again.

And Ethan remembered it.

“Chiara, will you marry me?”

“Yes,” she answered softly, stretching her hand so that he could slide the ring on.

He wrapped her into his arms and kissed her, starting softly, gently, until they kissed the way that was anything but appropriate for public. Looking at each other for a short moment, they nodded and took off back to the hotel, doing their best not to run.

˜

Ethan came out to the balcony in nothing but his short, smiling at the sight in front of him. Chiara’s hair, damp from the shower, put in a messy bun, Ethan’s white shirt now framing her body. She was leaning on the railing, a glass of red wine in her hand, lost so deep in her thoughts that she didn’t notice him approaching.

He stopped by the doorframe and couldn’t help but let his mind wander back to their shared shower.

 They barely made it into their suite.

The moment the door closed after them, Chiara worked on the wooden buttons of Ethan’s shirt, all while kissing him with a passion one could only find at a beach, and making their way to the bathroom.

Their clothes ending scattered on the floor, like a pesky obstacle they were, Ethan pressed Chiara on the shower wall, the cold tiles almost overpowering contrast to her feverish naked back.

That’s how Ethan found himself kneeling in front of her for the third time that evening. Only this time, no question needed to leave his mouth to gain an “yes” from her.

As he kissed his way up her inner tight, the salty sea flavor mixed with the typical taste of her skin, he heard her moan.

“Yes.”

He couldn’t help it – and he didn’t want to. Looking up at her flushed face, her eyes closed and her lower lip trembling of lust and thrill overtaking her, the picture blurred by the steam of hot water already surrounding them, he didn’t even try to suppress his urge to command.

“Say it again.”

“Yes,” she growled louder as his tongue gave up on tasting the peculiar mixture of salty and sweet on her tight and found its way to her center, to the one spot she longed him to have since they took off the beach.

Ethan only needed to hear one ‘yes’ from her tonight.

But how could he resist such temptation?

The “yes” she whimpered as he abruptly stopped working his tongue on her and moved up to slightly tease her nipple with his lower lip before taking it into his mouth.

The “yes” she hissed as he bit it while pinching the other one with his fingers, the most sizzling combo of pleasure and pain going through her body, through her rib bones and her spine.

The “yes” he silenced with an open mouthed kiss as he finally lifted her up, his hands roaming up and down her bottom and her tights with such purpose he wondered if he used them incorrectly his whole life.

The “yes” she whined as he thrusted into her, his moves steady and hard, promising her his whole life with every single one.

The “yes” she screamed as their hips met halfway on their race to the pleasure building in their bodies, in the parts that have been joined both physically and not. Ethan felt his pleasure begging to be released, he felt he was close and at the same time, as irrational as it sounded, he felt like his chest might explode the very moment he would come inside of her.

They “yes” she cried as her own pleasure overtook her, the one coming from the place where her mind no longer existed, where there were only waves of pure ecstasy and the raving beating of her heart.

Ethan didn’t need to hear any of these yes’s, but every single one of them was the sweetest reaffirmation of the one he needed her to say tonight.

Every single one a confirmed promise to let him hear all of her yes’s for the rest of his life.

 He shook his head to get the picture out of his head and asked: “What are you thinking about?”

She turned around swiftly, waving her hand at him, gesturing for him to join her.

“About my parents. We have to call my mom tomorrow, she won’t believe you proposed.”

“Why wouldn’t she?” Ethan asked, half curious, half confused.

“I made sure to let her know that you were not a marriage type before we visited them in San Francisco for the first time. I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable because trust me, she would bring it up otherwise,” Chiara laughed, mostly for herself. “She will be surprised, but in a good way! Promise.”

Ethan took her hand into his and brought her knuckles up to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss on them.

“We will definitely call her, however I doubt she will be surprised,” he muttered into her hand. “Yesterday, when you caught me talking to ‘Zaid’ on the phone, I was talking to her. I called her to ask for her blessing.”

“You did what?” Chiara exclaimed, turning her whole body to Ethan now. “A blessing?”

“Of course. I want to marry her daughter, I need her blessing. That’s how it’s done.”

Chiara laughed, though not teasingly. “We live in a twenty-first century. You didn’t have to do it. Did you google the process of engaging?”

Ethan muttered something like ‘you are always going to be a pain in my ass, aren’t you’, though she couldn’t quite decipher it with his lips still pressed to her hand.

“I wanted the blessing from her, Chiara. We talked about your dad a lot too, if you must know. She told me I would get his permission too.”

“You would,” Chiara smiled sadly. “I was just thinking about how happy he would be. He would also tell you that he knows how to use a gun. He never knew how to use a gun, he just said so to every single boy that ever crossed our house.”

A single tear found its way out of Chiara’s eye as she talked about her father, pain and happiness and love mixed in the tone of her voice.

“He would be so proud, walking me down the aisle.”

“Your parents are both proud of you every day, Chiara,” Ethan whispered, stroking her cheek with his thumb. “And as you said, we live in a twenty-first century. You don’t have to be walked down the aisle if that would be too painful for you. We will find our way.”

“The thing is, I would love to. I actually thought about, you know.. maybe..” she started to play with the glass of wine, suddenly not knowing how to say it out loud. “It’s just that these past years, Naveen has become a second father to me. I can imagine him taking the place but it’s probably stupid, right? I thought about asking him when we come back but saying it out loud, I probably shouldn’t… or should I? What do you think?”

Ethan smiled at both, her nervous rambling and the picture of Naveen and Chiara walking side by side down the aisle.

“I personally think that we should bring a lot of tissues when we go to see Naveen and you ask him to do it. He will cry for hours, spending all his happy tears on us.”

--------------------

One more note: Sienna totally knew about Ethan's plan and she just needed to know if Chiara would want to marry him😀

[joshslater]

The Reformatory

A rewrite of jd07201990′s swimmer story. Similar stories and bonus material on my Patreon.

T -1

Dear diary or however you are supposed to start.

So tomorrow is the big day. Dad and I are sleeping at a Holiday Inn at the other side of the state. Well, I'm obviously not sleeping. How could I? So I thought I should start a journal of some sort to document this experience.

Some background. Two months ago I was in a fight with Mark Samberg on the football team. It had gotten pretty bad between the football schmucks and us swimmers. The jockheads were constantly harassing us, calling us fags and prissy boys. It happened often and was getting boring. As the captain of the swim team I asked Mark to knock it off and get his players in line. Idiot as he is he tried to knock me out instead, and I lost it. In our scramble I managed to knock him down and was about to kick him in the shin when he shifted and instead I connected with his knee. Apparently it fractured. He'll be able to walk and even run, but he'll not be able to play again for years, so he lost his Scholarship.

His family sued everyone they could. Me, the school, the swim coach. In the end all the lawyers sat down in a room with a local judge and came up with something they all could agree to. Mark gets some study assistance to get his grades up, the school had this quickly brushed under the carpet, and could pretend I was never student there. Me not graduating wasn’t really a blow, as my college fund now went to pay for Mark’s education, as compensation. They were rich enough to afford it anyway, but they wanted to see punishment. I get the honor to spend the next 180 days at the Lepinski Adolescence Reformation Center, where I will "participate in all scheduled exercises, activities, therapies, meals and medication programs". They can tack on some extra days for bad behavior without going back to the judge, but essentially I get 6 months at bad boy camp for standing up to bullies.

What will I do there? No idea. The website talks a lot about work ethics and responsibility and working together with the local community. Sounds like labor camp to me. I'll guess we'll know tomorrow. But first we have to visit the hospital for a check up. My first day in prison will mostly not be in prison!

Day 1, Monday

We started with a checkup at the hospital, and man did they do a thorough job. Our appointment was at 10, but before that I had to fill out a form with 100 questions. The doctor spent more than 30 minutes doing the most extensive check I've ever had. Not only that, but after the check we had to go to the sample lab to draw blood, and finally I had a CT scan at noon. After that, and a quick lunch, we drove to the actual reformation center, which was in a smaller town 2 hours away.

It's an old boarding school building that they've turned into this "Reformation Center", and it clearly looks more like a prison than a school. Just a heap of two story brick and concrete buildings out in nowhere. Not much of security, but then everyone was there "voluntarily", meaning that we all had a proper punishment waiting for us if we left. I hugged dad goodbye and was shown to Mr. Kerwin’s office by the entrance guard.

Mr. Kerwin was a lean, ripped man in his forties that oozed military discipline. He explained that he was responsible for my rehabilitation and that he wouldn't start soft. He would give me a packed schedule, and if I didn't pull my weight he would add more days for "noncompliance". If I didn't like it I could run back to judge Stephenson and ask to start over in juvie.

Perhaps that would be better, because the schedule he showed me was totally insane.

4:30-5:00  Breakfast 5:00-8:00  Exercise pass 1 8:00-12:00 Work pass 1 12:00-12:30 Lunch 12:30-14:30 School 14:30-17:30 Work pass 2 17:30-18:00 Dinner 18:00-21:00 Exercise pass 2 21:30       Lights out

He explained that my breakfast, lunch and dinner would be pre-portioned and I was required to eat all of it. The exercise passes would be lead by himself or one of the assistants. Again, I would have to follow every instruction. The work passes were done at local businesses that wanted an extra hand, and changed depending on demand. The school passes were done as a group on whatever subject Mr. Reed selected.

Next he ordered me to get naked and place all my clothes on top of my bag and move to the other side of the room. Having done so he pointed at a stack of clothes on the table and told me to pick my size and get dressed. I quickly dressed in one of the track suits from the table. There was a baseball cap also, which confused me, but was told that it was instead of sunglasses when working outdoor.

With that I was given a rule book to study and was led by an assistant to my room where a dinner was waiting. Turkey, rice, water. I was reminded of lights out at 21:30 and wake up at 4:30. The assistant left and locked the door. 10 minutes later he came back with my journal book and pen, and told me that they'll keep the rest for now.

Having eaten the dinner and having three hours (I'm almost sure 21:30 is 9:30 PM) to kill before the lights go out I'm now summarizing the day. I'm sitting in something very similar to a prison cell. Bed, toilet, sink. Everything is clean, though somewhat worn. Looking into the mirror is kind of depressing though. I look like some jailed gang member.

It's kind of weird that I haven't met any of the other inmates, sorry students, here. I saw some of them while coming in, but perhaps this is their kind of hazing, or they do an official presentation tomorrow. Anyway, I should study the rule book and go to bed, since I didn't sleep much last night.

Day 2, Tuesday

So much to write about, so little time. I might have to split this into several entries since lights out is in 20 minutes.

I was awaken at 4:30 and given a tray with a large bowl of porridge and berries and some chalky smoothie or shake or whatever to drink. After that an assistant lead me to the gym room where we went over various machines, mainly for cardio. Elliptical, bike, treadmill. Weird thing was that it was only us two in the room during all three hours.

Sweaty and a bit tired I was then taken outside to a bus where some of the other boys where chilling. Apparently everyone else had breakfast between 7 and 8. They had no idea why I didn't join them there. The bus then drove around town and the driver announced who should exit where. My group of four people exited at a farm before town, only about 5 minutes away. I don't know exactly since I haven't been given my watch back.

There we spent hours just moving hay. Don't they know about tractors? Sweaty, itchy, tired and hungry we were then picked up and driven back. At lunch was the first time I saw the real common area. To my surprise there were more boys there than had been on the bus.

Everyone else could pick what they wanted from what was served, but I was given a ready tray with an heap of salmon and pasta. I was starving though, so it wasn't a problem to eat it all. I didn't have much time to talk, but the guys at my table were nice. Somewhat rough, as could be expected. Apparently you were chosen for the different work assignments, and if you were not picked you stayed at the center for sports or craft or similar things.

After Lunch followed a session with Mr. Reed. The first boring hour was on English grammar and the second boring hour on US geography. I aced the quizz getting all 50 states and state capitols right, so I didn't learn anything new after that. Then Mr. Reed announced who had work assignments, and I was again selected.

This time I and Troy were dropped off at a different farm where we spent almost three hours helping with fencing. Mainly carry posts and sawing them to length.

For dinner I had some meatballs with roasted sweet potatoes while everyone else had meatballs with tomato sauce. Mr. Kerwin picked me up and led me to the gym. Unlike the morning session this was all about weight training. Most of it was on finding my limits for different exercises while Mr. Kerwin pointed out how I could improve my form. You could tell that this was what he liked to do, and encouraged me to push a bit further. Once we were done I had a bottle of post workout mix of some sort and a very quick shower before rushing back to my room.

Here's the thing. My room is on a different floor than the other guys. Also, my schedule appears to be different and much more rigid than the rest of the guys. I also

Day 3, Wednesday

I couldn't finish the last entry before they cut the light. My entire body is in pain right now. I woke up like that, and it didn't go away all day. Same schedule as yesterday, but different tasks and different dishes. The assistant really pushed today during the morning session, so I was exhausted already at the bus. Planting bushes at the city park all morning didn't help. I got some rest during Reeds rehash of elementary math. Then back to doing fences, and top it all off with weight training. I asked Mr. Kerwin about the schedule and why it was so different from everyone else’s. He said that everyone's schedule is individual and that he'll adjust mine as needed.

One more weird thing before I fall to sleep. Everyone else is using their normal clothes. I haven't gotten mine back yet.

Day 4, Thursday

FUCK! I was back on moving hay today again, with Sam, Trevor and Rick. I'm still hurting like hell and Rick is one lazy motherfucker, so old fart Farmer Joe decided to complain. The end result is that I am getting 2 days added for noncompliance. Sam, Trevor and Rick got nothing. WTF!

Day 5, Friday

We were carrying merchandise all morning and Troy heckled me on how I got more days because of the piece of shit Rick. But he then said that it was a weird coincidence that every work shift I've been on has been the toughest one.

Instead of going to class I met with the doctor from the hospital who made a visit. He asked me about how I felt, where I was sore etc. Then he gave me an injection which he said would ease things for me. I didn't feel much different, but I was getting really sleepy getting back to Mr. Reeds class, but it might just be that everything he did was too simple and boring.

Apparently while I had a check up Troy had shared his theory about me being a work magnet, so there were some groans from the guys placed in my group. God damn fence work again.

Man, I'm tired. I was tired even before Mr. Kerwin gave me the toughest weight pass ever. Fuck, I'm tired.

Day 6, Saturday

So the weekend schedule is different. There is still a morning work pass, basically only used by the local farmers. But the afternoon is free both on Saturdays and Sundays. Conditions and terms applies, apparently. Since I haven't done any cleaning or dishes all week (how could I?), I'm assigned washing clothes, sheets etc. Man, how much better it is to carry laundry than hay. Best job assignment all week. Lots of downtime. Only real drawback is all the humidity. It’s steamy AF here.

Still fucking 3h workout pass in the morning and evening. The other boys were pretty vocal in mocking me on my way to the gym.

Day 7, Sunday

So the day started out as any other so far. Woke up sore. Breakfast alone and 3 hour gym session. There are no work passes outside LARC on Sundays, so I was hit with cleaning, together with Kyle G. and Rick. Rick ghosted after like three minutes, but KG did a solid work. It took us all the time til lunch though to finish it.

Then my first free couple of hours all week. It’s insane. The other guys were low key avoiding me, so I did what Mr. Kerwin had suggested and had a walk in the forest. It was actually kind of nice, and for some weird reason I didn’t feel like sitting still.

Day 8, Monday

Same shit again. Mr. Kerwin gave me a shot in the arm this evening. Apparently I’ll have one each Monday from now on. Whatever.

Also I found out today that the others don’t have formal lights out. I’m on my own floor so they can lock me up and cut the power. What the fuck?

Day 9, Tuesday

That fucker Rick slacked off again, taunting me about another two days. Ha! I got 10. Mostly for kicking him in the teeth. They locked me in my room, so I had lunch there and sat in this boring ass cell during class and work. Fuck, I don’t know what’s worse. I had to do some body weight exercises to keep sane. Fuck this shit.

Back again. I still got to have my evening workout. Kerwin was pushing harder than ever. The order of exercises was different too. Apparently to make the major muscles tired so smaller muscle groups then get to work. Or something. I don’t give a shit.

Day 11, Thursday

They fucking work now, don’t they the little shits. They know I ruined someones career to get here and another one for slacking off. They better pull there weight

Day 14, Sunday

I think I’ll stick to just write on Sundays. There is only half an hour from evening gym to lights out, so there isn’t much time for writing. I’ve even skipped shower a few times. It’s not like it matters when you start every fucking day getting soaked with cardio. Not like there are any girls around to impress either. Sunday has a different vibe tho. Cleaning, running in the forest and taking a long shower.

Starts and ends with fucking gym time though.

Day 21, Sunday

I really fucking like the forest runs. Its like you don’t have to think and can just run wherever and grab whatever and smash whatever. Fucking love it

Day 28, Sunday

Yay! A full fucking month!

It’s crazy though how much stronger I’m. I have gone up one size larger track suite and 2 sizes larger sneakers. Working hard to make me the best I guess.

Day 42, Sunday

guess i forgot about writing last week. i think the monday shots make me angry or something because last week fucked up someone else on tuesday. at least they all give me fucking respect at least.

Day 92, Monday

i dont give a shit abot reeds borin ass lessons and they fuckin repeat on a loop or some shit. today he was back on gramr and the states. i most time dont fill out his shit but wanted to do it again today. fucking aced most of the states. not so good on the capitols tho

Day 203, Sunday

only 2 weeks left tomorrow lol then im gonna yeet the fuck outta here !!!! adios motherfuckas

Mr. Kerwin enters the room, carrying a folder, and walks behind his desk, not even looking at me. I am sitting in his precious fucking antique chair I pulled from the corner. He’s sitting his ass down, rifles through the papers in the folder and starts to read from one of them.

“John Hamlin agrees to 180 days of rehabilitation training at the Lepinski Adolescence Reformation Center, where he will participate in all scheduled exercises, activities, therapies, meals and medication programs, with a possible extension of 30 days for noncompliance and a possible extension of 60 days for infractions as described by the Juvenile Rehabilitation Act (JuRA), section 1103 (b).”

He looks up at me. It sounded like easy shit when I said yes to it. I thought half a year in a bad boy summer camp, or worst case something like prison, but that would have been miles better than this fucking non-stop hard labor shit. And 180 days was a fucking joke. They never fucking intended that to be the actual time. Have someone else slack off and the slap another 2 days to the time. Kick a chair to pieces, 5 days. Punch a guy for being a cunt, 10 days. I’m close to having another fucking outburst again. It must be all that fucking shit they put in the food or shakes or whatever. I fight it. I don’t want to show any emotion in front of him. I don’t think he buys my shit.

“There is another document in the agreement that you haven’t heard. This one between Mark and judge Andrews.”

He pulls out another paper from the folder and read it.

“The state hereby directs Mark Samberg, or person(s) by him so designated, to design and oversee the rehabilitation program of John Hamlin to be administrated at the Lepinski Adolescence Reformation Center. This includes physical exercises, physical therapy, education, consoling, dietary plan and medication, as long as it fulfills the positive development criteria (Appendix D), is within the available services at the Lepinski Adolescence Reformation Center (Appendix A) and within the given budget (Appendix C). Additional services require external financing and approval from the Reformation Center management (Appendix B).”

That doesn’t make any fucking sense. Why the hell had the judge put Mark in charge of my schedule? I understand why he’d want to make the experience suck as much as fucking possible for me, by why had everyone agreed to it? Kerwin looks at me as if he can read an open book.

“You are wondering what has happened to you. What was the meaning of all this? Stand up.”

I jump to my feet. There are still weeks he can add to my time here, and I don’t want to give him any fucking reason to add some shit.

“Stand with your feet as close together as you can.”

He’s never asked me to do that before. I can easily tap me feet together, but I can’t really stand still with my feet right next to each other for long. What the fuck is this bullshit? My thighs are too massive for that.

“Sit down again.”

He leans back and watches me with a bemused smirk.

“Imagine that you’d been away from swimming half a year. Even if you kept in shape it would take you months to be back in good enough technique to clear the swim team tryouts. But you have not kept in shape, have you? You have a completely new shape.”

The blood is draining from my face. I understand where this is going.

“With your upper body build you can physically really only do butterfly strokes properly, but if you can’t bring your feet together the leg kick will just be a wild thrashing of water. You swimming medley would be a hilarious joke. We haven’t even talked about you almost doubling in weight, and how much more oxygen you would need to swim. Sure, you are much stronger now, but old you would swim circles around new you. And that is of course the point. If Mark couldn’t have his sports career, he didn’t want you to have yours either. And the judge agreed.”

I’m surprised that the chair doesn’t break, as hard as I’m squeezing it. I’m boiling with fucking rage. I have to really focus to not to act on it.

“Now the judge specifically set out that this transformation couldn’t be punishment in itself, but rather that you were trained in a way that just wasn’t optimal for swimming. We may have gone a bit overboard with the body building to leave you many options though. You’ll obviously never be competitive in anything with speed or agility, like football or boxing. The metabolic conditioning, hormone treatment and gene therapy have far to long lasting effects to change you back from where you are now. You could try wrestling or weight lifting though, unless you mind showing your erection through spandex.”

“What the fuck?”, I said, as much as a general question to all the things he’d said. What does metabolic conditioning mean? Gene therapy? Erections?

“The medical regimen that Marks family found for you kind of put the feet on both the gas and the break at the same time. It forces the body to grow a lot at the same time as we try to stop it, so it has to try even harder. By injecting stem cells with the right CRISPR-modified DNA we could get rapid, major and long lasting changes. Well, I say we, but all I did was to make sure you kept to the exercise regimen, for a little cash on the side… Surely you didn’t think you got larger feet and dick from eating much and working hard?”

I don’t understand exactly what they done to me, but the result is pretty fucking clear. There was no way I would swim competitively ever again, if I could even fucking swim at all now. I would come out of here looking like a fucking balloon animal muscle jock, and shedding the muscles back to where I were would take shitloads of years.

“The hormone treatment finished two weeks ago and last blood sample shows that your natural hormone levels will keep you muscled and pumped probably well into your forties. So this morning I also cut you off from all suppressive medication as well. That is going to spike your hormone levels and mess quite a bit with you, so we need to see just how badly fucked up you are before we can release you.”

“The good doctor say that you’ll be more irritable and have more excess energy than before. Both something you can work on with regular, hard exercise. But I want to see where you really are at now, so starting today you’ll have no required gym time and labor passes. You can wake up when you want, eat what you want and do what you want.”

“You said erections?”, I asked.

“Yeah, the suppression medication should have kept you limp. You haven’t jacked off while here, have you? Well, you heard what I said about gas and break and compensation. Your body has been pumping massive amounts of hormones into your blood, and will continue to do so. But now that you don’t have the suppressives anymore you should expect to be horny for the next decade or two. You’ll be nothing but a lumbering muscle dildo.”

There’s a crack somewhere inside the wood of the armrest. Fucking fourteen more days, I have to remind myself. Don’t fuck any shit up before then. If I let go of the chair I’m quite positive I will knock him the fuck out. Fourteen fucking more shit days.

[ookiguessnoname]

Here is the truth

I aspire to become a nutritionist one day, so sometimes for fun I create diets for imaginary clients.

Today I was creating a diet for an adult male with a net calorie total of 2300 a day.

Once I finished listing all the foods and quantities, I calculated the total amount of nutrients and calories and I was shocked.

I'll rewrite the diet here:

Breakfast:

1 banana + 1 Greek yogurt

Lunch: 90 grams of pasta + 60 grams tomato sauce + 10 grams of parmigiano cheese

Snacks:

2 tangerines + 30 grams of dried fruit

Dinner:

150 grams of chicken breast + 100 grams of cauliflower + 4 whole sun-dried tomatoes

Seems like a lot of food right???

In my head this was toooons of food and the sick part of my mind was telling me that this was enough and even more of what I was looking to achieve in this "imaginary" diet.

Well the total is around 1000 calories.

Now, this shocked me because I starve myself everyday and eating all of this food I would still be eating less than what I need to function properly. It really hit me.

What I am trying to tell you is that you do not need to restrict like crazy, you do not need to fast for days. I know it's hard, it's hard for every single one of us. But I just want you to be aware of how much our minds are fucked up, how our minds keep lying to us.

I do not pretend to see everyone starting to eat normally after reading this, I just want you to know that it is ok if you went over your calorie limit, it's ok if you didn't manage to fats today. We are sick and we deserve love and care.

I hope you all will be safe and remember that you can always text me, I am glad to talk to anyone.

Hope this helped someone.

[wallsinner]

Training Wheels | 1 | Jean x F!Reader

Title: Training Wheels Pairing: Jean Kirschtein x Female Reader Warnings: Swearing, Discussions of Virginity, Eventual Smut, Chapter Summary: Your friend Jean has a lot to complain about. Words: 2k Notes: I first started writing this in 2016(!!) and you can find this first chapter in it's first draft on ao3 if you're that way inclined, but I rewrote it, replanned it and I'm *so* excited to be rewriting it. The first chapter of Tear in my Heart -- aka the story from Jean's POV -- will be up on Monday at around 10PM GMT.

If there is one mystery you want solved, one question you want answered, it was why are you genetically predisposed to being the laziest of assholes. You’ve been so since you were a kid and personally, you blame your father because it’s a habit you’ve picked up from him at the very least. And you always suffer for it.

Like, right now, you are suffering because you’re more than well aware that if you’d gotten out of your pit of a bed when your alarm had rung this morning, then you would have had plenty of time to get your butt into the kitchen and produce yourself a tasty sandwich -- or maybe even a salad -- from what you’ve salvaged from the fridge, but oh no, what had you done?

You’d snoozed the alarm, twice. And then when you were finally ready to be awake, you’d lay in bed for forty-five minutes needlessly scrolling through your phone, checking your notes on Tumblr, your Snapchat and your Instagram stories. Hell… you’d even gone on Facebook even though nobody even uses Facebook in this day and age. Then you’d clicked over to Buzzfeed, done a couple of quizzes to find out which Disney Princess you were and played a couple of rounds of solitaire. And then you’d realized the time and jumped in and out of the shower, choosing instead of washing your hair, to slip the head of the shower beneath your legs, which had led you to not even having time to dry off and to just toss some clothes on, grab your bag and get out the door.

You had good intentions every morning, but… you just didn’t act on them. And this was why you used your shower head every morning because you were such a flake that no dude wanted to come near you. Well, that and the company you kept.

And so you’d had no breakfast and two long lectures had basically put you into starvation mode and so you’d had no choice but to drag yourself to the caf and get the special of the day -- which claimed to be shepherds pie, but should have been renamed ‘brown sludge with white bits and the odd pea’ -- which you were like… a thousand percent sure you were going to get food poisoning from, but hey, at least your stomach wouldn’t be eating itself.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow you will be better. You will get out of bed when your alarm goes off, you will go downstairs and get some breakfast and then you’ll have a long shower -- but you won’t masturbate, trying to get the shower head on that one spot is far too time consuming -- and put together something that is fit for human consumption to bring for lunch. Hell, when you get back home tonight maybe you’ll even take the time to sniff everything that’s on the floordrobe and maybe put it in the washing,

Maybe you’ll even fully clean your room while you’re waiting for the spin cycle to complete.

Actually, nah, maybe you’ll just watch the new episode of Catfish and eat a fat bowl of pasta.

You shudder as you look down at the ‘food’ again and with disdain, put the plastic fork (sidenote -- you know that Trost Community College ain’t exactly Oxbridge, but would it kill them to dish out the cash for one of those industrial dishwashers instead of trying to kill the planet you have to raise your children on -- near your mouth. You’re real tempted to hold your nose while you gulp it down, but you don’t really want to give Hitch Dreyse and her crew more ammunition for thinking you’re weird, so you just brace yourself and shove it in.

Well.

At least it doesn’t taste as bad as it looks. Definitely nothing gourmet, but if you distract yourself, then you’re probably gonna be able to finish it. You shove another forkful in and whip your phone out of your pocket, loading up Lovestruck and deciding to reread a few chapters of Ash Winters to distract yourself.

You’re about to come to one of the best sex scenes in the whole ‘book’, ignoring the world around you when a loud thump pulls you away from your Gangster bae. Peering over the top of your phone, you catch a glimpse of a thick, Art History book -- the cause of the thump, you’re sure -- as Jean slides into the seat opposite you.

You’ve known Jean forever. He’s basically the Boy Next Door, except he’s less Boy Next Door and more Boy Down the Road and on the Right Hand Side. He’s the only one of your little group of friends -- The Raspberry Crew, as you’d decided to name yourselves when you were five -- who still lives there. And like you, he’s also dumb as a bunch of rocks so he’s at community college too, so you spend a lot of time together.

“Hi.” You say.

He doesn’t reply, just looks at you and narrows his eyes as he pulls his own lunch out. It’s in a brown paper bag and of course it was handmade lovingly by the wonderful Mrs. Kirschtein, who was the nicest woman you knew and adored her son so much. Whereas your own mother liked to yell at you all the time to get out of bed and stop being a fuck up. Rude. Is it too late for her to adopt you?

“Okay,” you tell him. “I’ll bite. What’s going on?”

He looks up at you and the expression on his face changes from someone who wants to commit a murder, to someone who just watched their puppy get kicked into the sun. “It’s… nothing, really. It’s just…” he gives a big dramatic sigh. “Finally official.”

“What,” you ask him. “In all of the seven hells are you talking about?”

He looks around in an over dramatic gesture, to make sure that nobody is looking at the two of you and them just as over dramatically he leans in to you. “It is official.” His voice is a stage whisper, so that nobody can hear the two of you, like he’s in fucking Hamlet or some shit. “I’m the last virgin in Trost.”

And in hindsight, it probably wasn’t the best idea to take a bite of your food as he was speaking because you splutter, covering his face in little bits of half-chewed mince and reach for your water. When he’s wiped his face and your choking has subsided, you look him in the eye. “I’m sorry, what?”

“You heard me,” he snarls. “I know you did and I’m not repeating myself again.”

“Yeah,” you nod. “I, uh, I definitely heard you, I’m just wondering if I heard you right. And if I did infact hear you right, I’m wondering when exactly between your Mom coddling you, your lectures, moping after Mikasa Ackerman and your homework did you manage to go around canvassing Trost to come to this conclusion. Cuz uh, if you did Kirsch then you’ve screwed your numbers up because you’re probably not the only one with your V-Plates still on this room, let alone in Trost.” You are technically a virgin, you’ve fooled around with a few people, sure and you’re pretty sure Jean just assumes you lost it to Marcel Galliard because he did walk in on you at a party with his dick in your mouth that one time, but are you going to admit that nothing but the streams from your shower head have penetrated you? Fuck no, you know he’s got a big mouth. “Also… there are children in Trost.” Jean is seemingly as disgusted by you that your brain went there judging by the fact he balls up his brown bag and throws it at your head.

“Sometimes I think there is something very wrong with you.” Shucks, you’re flattered, but hey at least it distracted him from his misery for all of five seconds. “But okay fine, all of the people in Trost who are of age,” he tells you through gritted together.

“Again,” you ask. “When was this survey conducted?” You push your plate away because honestly this conversation had made your appetite much, much less raging.

“I didn’t do a fucking survey,” he tells you a little more aggressive than is necessary in your opinion. “I just know and do you want to know how I know?”

Honestly, you didn’t really because you never know what the hell is going to come out of his mouth, but you know that if you say you don’t want to know then he is just going to ignore your wishes and come out with it anyway so you just keep quite and say nothing and barely five seconds pass, before he opens his mouth again.

“Marco.”

“Oh,” you can’t help but laugh because Marco Bodt is the nicest human being and at one point you had the hugest crush on him and you honestly can’t picture him bullying Jean by taunting him, it’s too surreal. “So Marco did the survey? Or die he come up to you and say…” you put on your best Marco voice. “Oh hey Jean, did you know you’re the last…” and the look on Jean’s face is another for you to shut your fucking mouth and not finish that sentence.

“There was no survey,” he’s talking to you through gritted teeth again and you can see the tips of his ears are a fiery red, a sure sign he is about to loose his temper. “Forget about the fucking survey. I came by to see if you were getting the bus this morning and your Mom said your ass was still in bed, so I walked over to his instead,” he takes a deep breathe. “His Mom sent me straight up to his room because he was still getting ready, which I thought was really weird because when is Marco ever late to anything and well… he and that brunette from his Psychology class were in bed together.”

Well, your appetite is definitely gone now, former crush or not, it’s never nice to hear something like that about someone you once liked. “…That doesn’t mean they’ve slept together, we’ve slept in the same bed together and has your dick been inside me? No, not it has not.”

“Trust me,” Jean shudders. “I left them too it and when I spoke to him earlier, well, he turned into a human tomato at the mention of her name.” He pauses. “Plus her tits were out.” Ugh, you can feel the brown sludge on the move and you know the brunette he’s talking about and you really, really hope that Mina Carolina took her pigtails out when she got smashed and oh your God, you cannot believe you just thought of sweet angel Marco and smashing, where did that brown bag go, you may need it. “And the last time we slept in a bed together we were both six.”

“Nah, it was last April when you got fucked at Reiner Braun’s party and I had to bring you home with me so your mother wouldn’t see you in that state.” You wave your hand, indicating that you want to change the subject. “Did I really need to know about Marco? I’m sure he’d prefer you kept that one quiet.”

“You’re the one who made me prove my life is over.”

“Oh puh-lease, your life is not over. You are just an overdramatic fuck. It will happen.”

“Oh yeah? When?”

You raise your eyebrows at him. “Oh let me just consult my crystal ball! Look, Jean, it will happen when you meet the right…”

“I swear to God, if you say when I meet the right person… I already did remember?” He sends a longing look across the caf and you don’t even have to follow his eyeline to know where he’s looking. At Mikasa Ackerman of course, a girl he met at the beginning of your time here, she’s Eren, a sort of frenemy of sorts of Jean’s foster sister. You’d thought it was kind of cute at first, until she’d gotten a girlfriend and he’d stayed as deluded as ever.

“Remember that time when ‘Kasa told you that even if she wasn’t with Annie she wouldn’t give you the time of day?” He doesn’t look away from her, so you’re guessing he didn’t hear you. Or he’s choosing to pretend he didn’t hear you. “Jean!”

“What?”

“Look, I promise you that it’ll happen. You’ve just got to wait it out.”

He pulls a face and starts gathering his things up. “Whatever. You don’t know that.”

You grin at him mischievously. “Oh it will, because if it hasn’t happened by your thirty-fifth birthday, I’ll buy you a hooker.”

“Fuck you.” He tells you, but there’s no actual malice in his words. You just smirk at him.

And the two of you go your separate ways for the rest of the day.

[everydayisquiet]

THERE ONCE WAS A WOMAN WHOSE BODY WAS CURSED. IF SHE DARE BEAR A CHILD, IT WOULD DIE BEFORE BIRTH. THROUGH MADNESS, HE CREPT, A MONSTER OF DARK. HE PROMISED A CHILD, TO EASE THE WOMAN'S HEART. A DAUGHTER, AT LAST! SHE WEPT WITH JOY. NOT KNOWING AT ONCE, SHE WAS JUST HIS TOY.

[irltrexxx]

workaway day 4

wat a day wat a day! supposed to be da day of rest but i am just now resting. i just got back from a 5 mile walk through town. of course, it being sunday afternoon, tutto e chiuso, but it was nice to get some exercise.

this morning breakfast was early because the schedule is different on sunday...no work and different prayers, i think. so bfast was at 7:40 and i got there at that time. they brought back the panettone! i made sure to eat a slice to mark my preference. i had that slice plus a cup of coffee, and that’s it! what self discipline. but it was only because last night i gorged on chocolate covered figs so i was feeling guilty.

after bfast sonia was like “don’t forget the things you need to wash your clothes are in this cupboard”, which answered a question i had been afraid to ask so far (“is there a washing machine i can use”). so since i had no work today i figured this morning was as good as any to hand wash a load. i suck at hand washing clothes. also i realize now that my clothes are lot built for hand washing. super thick fabrics that stretch like crazy when they’re wet and hung to line dry. i buy jeans and t-shirt’s i know will shrink in the dryer because that’s the only way they will fit me. oh well.

i washed a pair of jeans, one sweatshirt, two knit shirts, one pair of socks, and three pairs of panties. panties are dry at least! everthing else, 6 hours later, is pretty much still soaking wet. there aren’t any lines to hang from and it’s too chilly to open any big windows so i hung everything up in the bathroom which has a little window and is never heated anyway. here’s my bathroom btw!

it did snow last night but just in the mountains, which is very pretty.

after i hung everything up i set out on my first walk of the day. i walked straight to the mall and ipersimply, a supermarket that also sells home goods and some clothes. of course everything in the mall was closed, but thankfully ipersimply was open! i spent an hour there walking down every aisle. i chose a new bag of chocolates (rum filled cordials, my fave), a new bottle of wine (from a winery in fabriano i often pass on my walk), a book of sudoku and number puzzles (everyone else is always doin crosswords and i feel left out!), and some kewl german pens to do sudoku with.

then i wandered around the other stores in the area. i went into one store whose name i forgot and i was like omg this store is all soap and things to make your house smell good! i spent 15 minutes smelling the candles and laundry detergents. then i turned the corner and omfg it was a huge pharmacy with so many types of shampoo, soap, talcum powder, hair removers. this is where i’m buying all of my souvenirs. the wall of face masks alone! i was walking around making a mental list of tiny things to pick up. they sell lots of bath products from france too. might need to check a bag for my next flight so i can bring liquids.

by the time i finished looking at toiletries it was 11:30 and time to walk back to the monastery for lunch. i got back at 12, checked on my clothes, and went to the lunch room. i have a new task apparently, which is that when i dine alone i should go downstairs to the kitchen and pick up my own lunch tray. which makes sense. don’t need to waste a sister’s time waiting on me when i’m perfectly capable of carrying a tray of food.

for lunch today i had pasta with pesto, grilled and marinated eggplant, roasted potatoes, and turkey breast with a carrot white wine sauce. all so good and i ate it all! i was expected roasted chicken that i saw being made yesterday, but i think that was for a special party of church people that came for lunch today. they also got kiwi in white wine for dessert. i’ll have to try that.

after lunch i again checked on my clothes and then went i my second walk, the 5 miler. in total today i walked 9 miles which is one fewer than i had hoped :(. on my afternoon walk i ended up walking back to the same part of town as ipersimply. other interesting things i saw: local soccer game between fabriano and visiting team (seriously considered, but too cold to sit, don’t understand soccer, and tix were €10), a number of cemeteries, some more interesting sports complex architecture....and i think that’s it.

i think maybe next sunday i’ll take a day trip to ancona to see the beach. i might have exhausted the sunday sights in fabriano.

now i’m in my room resting my feet. considering taking an early shower and watching montalbano before dinner. at 8:30 tonight i have the job of waiting for a guest and letting her in when she texts me with whatsapp. gotta stay up late!!

—

dang now tumblr has deleted this section of my post 3 times so i’m gonna rewrite it very briefly.

dinner was a goddamn feast. brodo, torta with leftover spinach, mashed potatoes, and cheese, green beans, brie, prosciutto, and fried dough with sugar for dessert.

i’m now waiting for the new guest to arrive so i can take a shower. back to work tomorrow!

[iebfp-2-interact-version]

My heart is still useful Jack, because I still need to be alive to marry Toby, so until that day comes, you can't have my heart in any sense.

By the way, you look very handsome without your mask.

Thank you- anon. Very nice of you…

VIRUS, A RANDOM PERSON ON THE INTERNET CALLED ME HANDSOME. - EJ

[shesaforestfire]

Waking up early, seeing the sunrise, having enough time to have a filling breakfast, actually doing a proper face routine, not being /completely/ tired, wearing something comfy yet cute, packing my bag w my pasta salad and water as well as a perfume, listening to quality music on the way there Having half an hour to catch up on social media and eat etc, making a fruit&nut mix to eat while studying, catching up on all the hw I got that.day so that I stay on top of work, going over work I don't understand / rewriting notes / reading ahead, face timing / calling soft faves, reading a lil bit, catching up on fave tv shows, doing duolingo and working hard on learning norwegian, reading dutch books again Lying on my bed w just the fairy lights on, sipping hot chocolate, the lumineers / 80s music playing softly, watching Gilmore girls in my pyjamas, texting my soft faves, painting my nails, full hair and face routine done, wearing a lush face mask that smells earthy and foresty and magical, feeling like I might one day live hidden away in some mountains covered by dark forests and fog in a country far away, leaving everyone wondering where that girl they knew went and if she's content (hint: she is) Going running after school and in the weekends, progressing to the park runs every saturday, doing stretches every night and mini workouts every few days, feeling myself slowly get healthier, maybe going swimming every now and then as well

[emotionsfeelings]

Reflection, france

After being back for a couple of days, I realise I miss being away. There were so much to learn and discover being away and i look forward to foing it again. Meanwhile, I decide to write about my relatively short trip in south of France.

Wherever I go, I like to take in what my senses tell me and observe the everyday activities and practices (even beliefs). From what people have for breakfast to the way they walk and how they hold up their bodies, from the cars they drive to how they do it, from train/tram/bus routes to how people behave in them, from the amplitude and rhythm of speech to what expressions mean, amongst others. There were new and exciting, and at times frustrating because I cant find the words to communicate well. Plus what was special about this trip was I was: ill for most of it. My cold developed to ear bacterial infection causing me to lose hearing on my right ear (I still cant hear well on my right ear but it's getting better). So all the sounds were taken in by one ear and that created a lot of stress for my brain and in turn manifested into my behaviour. I wasnt really pleasant throughout but I had a talk with my partner and we got over it. Albeit it was late into the trip, it did make the last couple of weeks wonderful. I also discover more about myself but I'll talk about that later.

Among the first thing that I noticed when I was in France was the warm hospitality by service stuff and strangers alike. Almost every store I went in - whether a restaurant or a departmental store and whether I bought anything or not - I'm greeted with "bonjour" (hello). And when I left, I'm greeted with "merci, au revoir" (thank you, goodbye) or "au revoir, borne journée " (goodbye, have a nice day). The really welcomed their guests and then sent them a parting prayer. This only happens in France (didnt really happened when I was in Barcelona) and/or when the staff is French. Other nationalities do not openly greet strangers. When I was in Nice, my partner and I were looking for our room and a housemaid saw us. She greeted us and showed us to our rooms, and left saying "borne journée". That afternoon we walked past another housemaid and she didn't say anything. She carried on with her tasks as if we weren't there. When I saw her, I realise she was not French. Probably Spanish or from other European countries. This warm hospitality does make the brief visit very pleasant. It also affects - positively - the experience of eating or buying items - at that place.

On the note on food, there are a lot to mention. Firstly, food portions are huge! And they're relatively affordable. Just to give an idea: a large pizza at Pizza Hut is a single serving for one person. And it cost €12-€15 ($18-$32). Most restaurants have a 3 course meal for €19.50 onwards so it really was worth eating there. The portion was huge too for a pasta or steak too. And customers wait patiently to be attended even if the place was crowded and they saw the waiter scrambling from table to table serving food and taking orders. How long do we usually wait for at a restaurant to be attended to before being terribly annoyed? 5 mins? 10 mins? Most customers usually had to wait for 10 mins longest and everyone was calm when the waiter attended to them. And the different courses will arrive accordingly in a span of at most 30 mins. That's 3 course in 30 mins. Meal times were also somewhat set and this was a practice by everyone - whether they eat at home or at a restaurant (usually tourist places opened earlier and throughout the day). Breakfast was by 9am. Lunch was between 12-2pm. Dinner was from 7pm. No meals or snacks in between. And no supper. Imagine my horror when my food intake cycle was forced to a certain rhythm! It took a long while for my body and mind to settle in. However, the downside was my body held water and sugar more readily than usually. So I became fatter and more round. During meals, people engage with one another in person. Phones are away, even for children. I saw this in France and Spain, and among every Europeans. Only the PRCs were constantly with their phones. The respect the French has for their food was quite synonymous with their everyday greeting gesture (I think in most cultures we can see the correlation too).

I notice most French have good body and walking posture too. Their backs muscles are not tighten and their weight nicely balanced whenever they walk. You can see their spine was engaged and alive. And a lot of elderly, those above 65, walk with nice balance. Not too crouched forward or leaned back, their back muscles are present along with their walk. I mentioned before, Francois mum is 74 and his dad is 81. And they are still strong. They're not on crunches. His mum walked around to the groceries, travel with us, trek calanques. His dad could trek too but he's much slower than before and he took tests at shaded area most of the time. He couldn't travel long distant anymore too because of his age but he was up until he was 79. It made me wonder how they do it. Was it the terrain of the ground? The facts that bus/tram stations are within walking distance (100m-200m instead of 20m from one another)? They lead well balance work-social lives? Could be these reasons. Could be more. But there was something to learn from the south of France.

An aside. I refer it to south of France instead of French/France because things are a little different in Paris. Mostly, the cosmopolitan city are filled with homeless, it's busier and slightly more bustling, people work slightly longer hours because of tourism. Also, I didnt spend a lot of time in Paris so I dont wanna generalise. Back to my entry.

A lot of people drove in France because a car was the most convenient mode of transport, especially for far distance for holidays. And most of the cars were hatchback instead of one with boot. I wondered about that for awhile and thought maybe because people travel a lot and a hatchback can fit more luggage. This was evident on our way back. 3 big luggage fit into a car boot. And also because people parallel park and the roads are relatively small, a hatchback saves a few centimetres so everyone can have a space to park. Oh the French (at least) are experts at parallel parking and driving in small spaces even if their cars are quite big! So it was more a practical demand and supply. Fascinating nonetheless.

And the sounds. From speech to city's rhythm, there were a lot! This was more obvious in Barcelona because Spanish talk really loudly and really fast in an almost staccato rhythm. It sounds "hard" and I had headaches. After 5 days I was very happy to hear French. The liaisons really made hearing more pleasurable although I have to figure out the words at times. But it was alright.

Oh, just wanna say that I disliked Barcelona because I felt it's too noisy and smelly. Smelly because the smell of marijuana was everywhere on the streets! Couple with occasional sewage smell. But things were quite cheap there, from food to clothes. And Gaudi's work and inspiration could be seen throughout the city's modern architecture.

And LGBTQIA persons didnt get stares from the public when couples went out. That was almost surreal for me.

There. There were definitely more moments but I'll keep them for now. I want them to grow and be part of me, like vines in a forest. This trip has definitely taught me a lot. But what's more valuable was what I uncover about myself; my beliefs and biases, preferences and prejudices, what to throw away and what to over/rewrite. And to choose the relationship - personal, romantic, familial - over my own feared ego.