#i dropped the series back in 2019 because i had a feeling this was how it would go

[hirazuki]

Man, I knew it. I knew it five years ago, which is why I dropped it. RIP to my two doomed blorbos, I hate the series you're in but I love you still 😔

[iamjellyfish]

Headcanon about the dynamic of you, Hoshina Soshiro, and Narumi Gen! |·˚✎ ﹏

❥A/n: I had no idea to write about the Idol Soldier series so I will write 2019 ahhh Wattpad tropes and headcanon until anyone drops an idea into my request post TvT (Pls drop something)

HELP THE TEACHER CAUGHT ME WRITING THIS, I'M DYING.

❥Summary: You somehow ended up with them, what your relationship looks like in my head.

❥Warning: there is an 18+ part (separated ofc), probably OOC, English is not my first language, and Grammarly held my hand while writing this lol, mostly fluff, etc, reverse-harem type of relationship because I don't ship any cp.

[Safezone- SFW]

✦ Narumi would always ask you to gacha for him (I had this idea from another fic which is also my favorite fic).

✦ Narumi and Hoshina love to spoil you, they love it if you wear or use their gifts daily.

✦ They prefer dates like a picnic or dinner at some restaurant near their workplace due to their work nature.

✦ Hoshina and Narumi will have the angel-devil-type dynamic for you. Like how Narumi would ask you to stay up late with him to watch him play games, and Hoshina would tell you to get enough sleep.

✦You and Hoshina would help each other in the kitchen cooking then you would have to drag Narumi's ass out to eat because he is too focused on his game to eat.

✦They would gift you things that remind them of you; Narumi would brag if you like his present more, and Hoshina would tease him about something else that makes Narumi all angry.

✦Hoshina would wake you and purposely forget to wake Narumi up (not like Hoshina will succeed in waking Narumi up anyway).

✦You would make lunch, Hoshina would make breakfast, then Narumi would wait for you both to make dinner.

✦Like when you sit on their laps, especially when they have to do their paperwork.

✦Would host nights where they cuddle you and watch movies, and if the next day is a day off, you guys would binge some series.

✦Gifting them would be pretty hard because you feel like if they wanted something, then they would get it before you even get them. So you would pretty much get them handmade gifts or cook their favorite meal.

✦ They would talk about you to others so much that it got annoying for everyone involved, lol.

✦ 2 yapper x listener or yapper x yapper x yapper.

✦ If you text them, they will reply to you pretty quick, with Narumi, it's started to get annoying when you just texted him and are about to put the phone down but he already texted back (you would get a text from Hasegawa telling you to restrain from texting Narumi when he is at work due to how he will ditch work to text you).

✦ They will put your picture as their phone wallpaper and will whine if you don't put their picture as wallpaper.

✦ If you work in the first/third division, they would tease how they got you closer to them. And the other one would pout to you about how they got teased.

✦They remember a lot about your interest even if you don't think they will remember something so insignificant.

✦Like to tease you like a lot, sometimes gang together to tease you to the point you blush like tomatoes.

✦ Would love it if you played with their hair and tried on their clothes.

ೋ❀❀ೋ═══ ❀ ═══ೋ❀❀ೋ

Nsfw

❣ Love to give you hickeys and bite marks, ... Sometimes, get too excited and mark you too much that it gets annoying to cover them up.

❣Love to make you moan so much that it fills the room. And would tease you about it afterward.

❣Kiss you as much as they can while doing it.

❣You can turn them on by just wearing their shirt and underwear (I imagine that their shirt is pretty big for you).

❣Sometimes they would pull you in for a quickie while at work because they missed you so much.

❣ Aftercare is always good, and you guys ended up bath together. There is probably an argument about the water temperature.

❣brat tamer! Hoshina and brat enable! Narumi go go!

❣ Would try out kinks with you because they want to know what button to press when it comes to you <3

❣ They will speed up a little if you start screaming their name while doing it.

❣ Always foreplay because that's when they could tease you most.

❣ If you mark them, they will flex it but belike "Oops, didn't mean to let you see that!;)" Everyone knows.

❣Could go multiple rounds if you can handle it. It got to the point where you think they get stamina from fucking you.

❣ If you could suck them or ride them when they're doing paperwork, they would be so happy.

❣Hoshina would like to command you but Narumi would like you to command him.

❣Always make sure that you enjoy it as much as they do and would hate if they made you hurt.

❣They would tease you if you can't walk after it but still care about your health.

❣If they need to go on a mission for a few days, they will send you dirty pictures, and if you send them back dirty images? Oh, they would be so turned on that they wish they could teleport to you now.

❣They would sometimes get horny when they see you wear the defense force's battle suit.

[marner2tavares]

cardigan series: the break up ❣️

cardigan series masterlist

Dating Jack had never been easy. He was wanted by everyone. Girls threw themselves at him, guys were constantly trying to plan hangouts, but even in the midst of high school kingdom, he had eyes only for you. You were his first love, and he yours. You never really saw one without the other for the back half of your high school years. You were together for it all. His games, your dance recitals and competitions, the first prom, the second prom, graduation, his draft. You never ever thought of a life without him, no matter how young you were. Everyone told you it would fade or crash and burn, but you truly thought it never would…until August 17, 2019.

“Have you decided what college you want to go to yet, baby?” You were sitting at the edge of his bed while he laid on it. You fingers close to your mouth so you could bite the nails that were already bitten. 

“I don't want to talk about it, Jack.” Jack sat up and scooched himself down the bed to sit next to you. 

“Well we have to talk about it soon. We gotta figure out what school you wanna go to. You’ll probably have to enroll late now. Hey! You could take online classes!” You closed your eyes and swallowed hard, taking a calming breath. Ever since Jack got drafted to the New Jersey Devils, he had been talking about taking you with him. He was excited for you to be out on your own together. 

“I did not work this hard this year to go to some community college, Jack.” You snapped and immediately wished you hadn’t. You looked over to assess the damage. You swore you watched Jack’s face fall.

“You don’t want to come with me?” And here it begins. The reason you didn’t want to talk about it. You let out a sigh and folded your hands in your lap. 

“I do, but I deserve better than a community college in New Jersey.” Your voice was quiet. Hoping if you said it softly it would hurt him less. It didn’t.

“Are you serious?” He sounded like he was in disbelief. How could you, his first real girlfriend, his first real everything, not want to go with him?

“Yeah I am” Jack let out a sigh and dropped his head a little before looking back up at you, trying to force the feelings and look of dread to the back of his mind.

“Where do you want to go?” 

“Colorado”

“Colorado?!” Jack stood up and took a few steps around his room before sitting back down.

“Yes, Jack. Colorado.”

“Seriously? What does that mean for us?” Your most dreaded question.

“I don't know, Jack” And his most dreaded answer. 

“But Jersey would be perfect, baby. You’re so close to New York City, and you wanna be a dancer! No better place to do that than New York City” He rambled, desperately trying to change your mind.

“I don't want New York City.'' His jaw dropped. He looked down at you with every hurt he was feeling shown on his face. 

“Do you want me?” He said it so quietly you almost missed it. You could barely look him in the face at this point. 

“What kind of question is that? Of course I want you” He looked down at you and you forced yourself to look back at him. He was reeling. You were reeling. Here it is, you thought. The crash and burn.

People had told you about it for the last year and a half of your relationship, “Young love never lasts” You heard it over and over again, but you never thought they would be right. You loved Jack. You truly loved Jack, but you were sure Colorado would be better for you than New Jersey.

“I just don't see why you’d want to go all the way to Colorado when your dreams are in New York.” He was getting frustrated now. Talking with his hands and shaking his head. Smiling to try to mask the pain. 

“Because I can’t take having to be a failure, Jack! You’re going to be living your dream and I'm gonna be some wannabe who’s not talented enough to make it!” You said it louder than you wanted to. Your heart broke when you saw Jack recoil a bit. 

“You’re never gonna know if you don't try” The tears that you were holding started to slip down your face. You couldn’t even imagine how Jack was feeling right now. You basically sprung it on him. He leaves for training camp in a month, you leave for Colorado in a week.

 “Do you still even want to be together?” The tears flowed silently at his question. You dropped your head towards your lap.

“No.” Lie.

“What?” Jack felt like he’d been shot. How could the love of his young life want to end it all just like that? Nearly two years down the drain.

“Because if we stay together and do long distance, you’re gonna cheat on me, and then I’m gonna hate you and Jack, I don't know what I would do if I had to hate you.” You rambled, tears running, distraught.

“You think I would cheat on you?” He sounded upset, not all the way to mad, but disgusted that you would even think like that. 

“You don't know what it's gonna be like, Jack.” You looked up at him, shaking your head as you spoke. Not even bothering to wipe your tears at this point. 

“I didn't cheat on you in high school, did I?” He raised his voice louder. You knew he couldn’t control his emotions right now. You couldn’t either, but the volume still made you flinch. “What's gonna be so different now?” 

“I wont be around.” You said quietly, not looking up at him. 

“You could be around, but you don't want to be!” He yelled. His voice even stunned himself. You stood up and started gathering your things. 

“I’m sorry, I just can't do this right now.” You started towards the door of his bedroom. You didn’t look back, the last thing he said to you: 

“Please don't leave.” You muttered another “I’m sorry” before walking down the stairs, rushing past his family that you loved so much, trying to not let them see you crying. Ellen tried to stop you, asking what was wrong. The last thing you heard was Ellen calling for Jack and rushing to his room as you walked out the front door, got in your car, started it, and drove. 

[aphverse-confessions]

hello hey, self-proclaimed favourite anon tossing my hat about Jesson. I wanna take a crack at how people talk about Jesson because it's infuriating to see people be total extreme polars between the two. People think Jessica is an irredeemable monster, or they think Jessica gets way too much flack from her audience without understanding/acknowledging the questionable stuff.

REALLY HUGE DISCLAIMER HERE!!! I don't want this to be condoning the idea that people should be held accountable for 5+ year old behaviour. People can and will absolutely change, we shouldn't deny that people can change for the better and learn from their mistakes. Jess herself is capable of growth: she changed Kawaii~Chan's name to an actual name, Nana Ashida, actually gave a backstory to Nana and completely dropped Nana's weebish way of addressing people and dropped Kawaii~Chan as a name entirely. Give people credit where credit's due, treat people with grace and empathy.This entire confession is just my personal reflection on the Jesson debacle, just sorting out my own feelings about the two and trying to find a middle ground between the two extremes of hating Jesson and defending Jesson.

Speaking generally and not just in regards to Aphblr, a lot of people seem to completely completely blame Jess for everything wrong with the series and. Like, I don't think thats fair at all to Jess because it was Jason also contributing and helping out with the stories. We don't know who did what and quite frankly Jason did had an influence on the writing on the series so people shouldn't just scapegoat Jess.

Jess had self inserts, Jess was cringe, Jess butchered the love triangle are criticisms I saw during Youtube, Wattpad, etc during Jesson's hayday and some of these criticism's still persist. Which like... guys, Jess being cringey and self inserting into her stories isn't the most pressing issue you think it is, I'd LOVE to make mad dough self inserting and roleplaying with a harem of hot bishonen boys. I'm gonna be blunt, a very fair share of criticism towards Jess was quite misogynistic and I'm not going to deny that. Back in 2016-2019 people were awful and bashed her for the aforementioned which... ew. Hell!!! I even see some of this misogyny to current day on Youtube!!! Which . Fucking Sucks.

If you're gonna give Jess flack, give Jason flack. If you're gonna call Jess cringe and dumb for self inserting onto a cute perfect anime girl with her boy harem, call Jason 2x amount of that cringe for self inserting onto an edgy werewolf alpha + getting jealous over minecraft cubes. It takes two to tango and Jason definitely had a hand with how the series were written.

Something honestly more important to mention that people cite Jesson's badly written stories as a moral failing instead of actually criticizing the contents within the stories when portraying certain topics*** (put a pin in this, we will come back to this class). Like, people were putting more effort in dragging Jess about the bad writing of MCD and MyStreet with the love triangle + Aarmau, than actual problems with the portrayal of sensitive issues such as racism.

However, in spite of my defense of Jess, I'm gonna be blunt. There were a lot of fucking problems here, Scoob!!! Like. Actual problems with both Jessica and Jason as people that people sometimes overlook due to the more pettier criticisms/complaints. Yes, Jess was a victim of Internet's misogyny and that's 100% valid to acknowledge that, however I feel it's a disservice to handwave and not acknowledge the actual problems Jess had. Jess being a victim of misogyny and Jess doing bad shit are two statements that can co-exist.

Jesson being pariah-ed out of their own fandom isn't exactly undeserved considering all of the legitimate issues there were with the duo (not just Jess herself). It's not a 'hate-train' to not like Jesson or to still be discomforted by their previous behaviour because yeah. It. Was bad. Because we do point-proof-analysis round these parts bitches™, I will provide proof where I can.

To list the issues with Jesson off of the top of my head in no specific order: - Jess absolutely fetishized mlm on multiple occasions. Admitting she's Septiplier trash and fetishizing two real men's friendship when Jess was a 23 year old woman: (https://tinyurl.com/aph-confess) / (https://tinyurl.com/aph-septi-vid-react) - Adding onto the previous point, Jason 'Fans-shipping-my-wife's-Self-Insert-with-other-fictional-men-is-'whoring'-her-out' Bravura even admitted Jess's queerbaiting (https://tinyurl.com/jason-admits-the-queerbaiting) - Jason Bravura as a whole person: from his extremely possessive attitude towards the fanbase when it came to ships (https://tinyurl.com/jason-temper-tantrum), from how he absolutely fought with his tweenage fanbase back in 2016-2018-ish, him being really aggressive online in general, him having a horrible influence on the writing - Apparently Jason was responsible for the Ein-Aphmau incest??? I have no source for this, but would not be shocked if this was the case. - *** Romanticizing grooming/creepy as fuck age-gaps thru Aarmau and Gene PDH. I blame Jason for him being an alleged freak (going off of Jess's Draw my Life). Throw the whole man into the rancor pit at this point - *** The horribly done racism subplots of MCD and MyStreet. Oh my fucking god. I already went into this on my initial confession with Kip and Zoey+Aph being racist to him, the cutesy microaggressions. I already discussed about it in depth, here's the link to read more about it -> (https://tinyurl.com/confession-about-racism)

Jess using mlm to queerbait fans and fetishizing two REAL people as a grown ass woman was shitty, Jason is an entire cesspool of a person and was shitty. The horrible, tone-deaf messaging and portrayal of racism being so prominent throughout MCD/MyStreet was shitty. These problems don't suddenly stop being issues just because people raising petty points about Jesson.

Like there were a ton of problems with Jesson as people/content creators, it's not fair to just dismiss all of the listed as totally petty fandom wank. I feel like in modern day, it's a fair compromise to celebrate the media that they made without falling into praising them as people just because they made a cool Thang™. We can enjoy the stories they made without having to totally enjoy the people behind them. With my previous confessions, it sparked some healthy discussion within Aphblr and I hope this confession will raise some healthy discussion about Jesson as a whole where people can find a middle ground between totally loving/hating Jesson. This was a wholeass essay, so here's a shrimp as a reward 🦐

.

[copperbadge]

Sam, I say this with love, exasperation, and admiration: I have no idea how you write so much. I'm in the middle of a long-overdue update of backing up my favorite fics to my hard drive, and your fic archive is basically a mini-project in itself!

LOL! I had this conversation with myself when I moved all my fanfic over to AO3. By hand. From Livejournal. :D I think it's mainly that I was undiagnosed with ADHD while being either understimulated in school or underutilized in my job. I think it's indicative of how my priorities have shifted as I've gotten older, that I haven't really written much fanfic in years, and in general my words-per-year output has dropped quite a bit.

Prior to 2019, it was a rare year I posted less than 150K words and some years I posted over 400K. It was almost always fanfic, because the first few novels were posted to Livejournal, not AO3, and I didn't move them when I moved over all my fanfic. I was in grad school, which was not demanding for me, and then I was in a series of jobs where I began with large amounts of downtime, then slowly had less and less as I gained more responsibility. Up until 2019, when my former office just disintegrated and I changed jobs.

So the output in those earlier years was this balance of struggling to keep myself entertained, having the time to engage with a time-intensive coping mechanism, and processing hyperfixation. It still feels weird to describe myself as having hyperfixations, because that's not how I've ever thought of my own mental processes; I have a specific mental definition of hyperfixation under which I do not fall, but I'm beginning to realize that definition is inaccurately narrow. Given my duration in a fandom is almost always two years on a predictable cycle, I can't really refute the idea that I develop and process hyperfixations like a lot of neurodiverse people do. (Marvel is an outlier in that the canon is massive and much more widely disbursed than most -- even so you can kinda see me move through characters within Marvel on two-year cycles.)

In 2019 my wordcount dropped dramatically, and in 2020 most of what I posted was original fiction I actually wrote in 2019. So I didn't post much in 2020 and didn't post anything at all in 2021, which was shocking to me when I realized it. This past year, 2022, is the first year I've bounced up, posting 246K words, but it's mostly been original work. I rarely engage in meta anymore, and currently don't really have an active fandom that I write or talk about. Looked at on paper, I haven't truly been in fandom in about four years. It's fortunate that fandom is a culture -- it's not something you leave or are expelled from just because you stop participating in some aspects of it. There is no way for me to truly leave fandom now even if I wanted to, short of leaving social media altogether, which I have zero plans on doing.

This all got very deep from a pretty simple ask about my formerly prodigious output, but it was fun to go look up my AO3 stats and engage in a little self-reflection.

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

Choose - Lose

First posted: April 2, 2019

Focuses on: Tim Drake, Jason Todd, and Bruce Wayne

Favorite bookmark: "cried again. i will cry another time"

Second favorite bookmark: "fuck yeah"

Tier: Pretty middle of the road.

This is my “behind the scenes” series where I indulge myself horribly by annotating my fics. Link to the fic itself above. Thoughts below the cut.

This one. was. wild. At 699 words, I think it's my shortest (just checked, it is) and one of my more uhhh experimental pieces.

At some point in 2018-19, I read Raisin Delight by @lemonadegarden, who is an evil genius. I read it and it broke my entire brain and also my heart. It it one of the few fics I remember my name instead of a Friends-esque description. I don't know when exactly I read it because I don't know how long the emotions it inspired had to rattle around in me before they splorted out this fic in response. I wrote it all in one sitting, if I remember correctly. I don't remember getting stuck or having to backtrack. It being so short helped as well. It was—as you can tell by comparing the works—less about what happened in the fic and responding to that the way one might via a sequel or even going "I like that but what if you..." and more about be feeling many, many things around the concept presented and just needing to barf emotions into a brown paper bag.

They stood side by side, shoulders angled outward, faces on the horizon. The wind rose, lashing stinging grains of sands against their skin before dying down again.

No philosophical intro on this one. It's too short and the tone is all wrong for that kind of introduction. There was no question about sidestepping my usual chattiness and dropping in midscene. Like I said, wrote it all in one sitting, bang, done.

I did try to make each word and image count, though I'm no Ann Leckie and probably could/should have done an even finer job of it, but I do feel like the first two sentences packed in a decent amount of information.

Tim looked to the empty space where the time traveler had stood, a forgettable man with a forgettable face in a forgettable shabby brown suit, and had made his unforgettable offer.

I blame Agatha Christie for this imagery, if I blame anyone.

Bruce, face bare, t-shirt wrinkling in the wind, had sucked in a sharp breath.

This was important, them, as civilians, as people, as a father and his sons, not in costume, not with their gear and tools and weapons. This isn't Batman being forced to choose between his Robins.

In the air, a chopper whined. In the distance, a truck rumbled. A small, caped figure hurried across the dunes.

Fun fact: Even though this fic is so short I have slightly more insight than usual because I was able to pull up my chat history with @audreycritter from right after I wrote it and then surprised her with it, which is the only way I know that I was at work when I started thinking about debt and histories and timelines and realized that Jason's death was the only reason Tim joined Fam, that everyone else would have made their way in eventually but he needed Jason to die to make it and how guilty that might make him feel if he realized it, and then I remembered "Raisin Delight" (still at work) and just about lost it.

Literally at 5:03 PM on 4/1/19 I'm listing different takes I'd love to read and tell Audrey "Or some twisted scenario where a time traveler takes them back and gives them the choice. I couldn't do that one. but I would read it. Maybe. Through my fingers."

... Annnnnd by 7:43 PM on the same day I'm casually texting Audrey "hey off the top of your head by chance do you remember how Jason and Sheila got to the warehouse?" Which is how the above sentence comes into being.

(By 8:31 PM, the fic was already done.)

The traveler disappeared.

This was very much a no-answers fic. Who was that guy? Why was he doing this? How did he find them? Were they all together or did he gather them from separate places? How are they going to get back when they're done?

Answer: Don't wooooorrryyyyyyy 'bout it

Tim’s place with Bruce was bought with blood. Paid for by the death of another boy. Without the sucking, gaping void of Jason’s absence, there was no role for Tim. There would be no grief for Bruce. No reckless rage to tamp down. No despair to fight back. No place for a lonely boy from down the hill. No reason to make the walk to the Manor’s front door.

My thesis statement (paragraph.)

Beside him, Bruce swayed. Forward, as if to step, as if pulled beyond his control. Then backward, rocked by the horror, repelled by the choice.

This is the horror of the fic. Bruce cannot choose. He cannot choose one child over another. Like unbreakable-law-of-the-universe cannot, divisible by zero cannot. But not choosing is choosing, so he can't choose and he can't not choose, and if one of his sons didn't choose for him, he was going to spontaneously combust into antimatter, I think.

Beyond, Jason stood still as granite. Frozen. Hard. Petrified by the glare of Medusa. 

Contrast with Jason, who doesn't dare move a muscle.

The numbness hadn’t yet made it to Tim’s heart. It gave a twinge of surprise that they hadn't moved. Was it up to him again, then? To push Bruce into action? To do what must be done?

Contrast with Tim (the Robin who does what must be done, who exists to help Bruce and keep him on the right path), who assumed Jason must be the one saved, because as he goes on to explain, Jason dies. He gets beaten, tortured, blown apart, killed, buried, and resurrected in his own grave. Tim... well, Tim will lose his heart and happiness and the only true family he's ever known, but he won't know that.

Or, to quote myself:

He would wake, alive and whole, in his own bed. He wouldn’t even notice the hole where his heart had been. He would live, but he would lose.

Some version of those two words were always the options for the fic, because it's about choosing and losing (not or. and.) But the options listed in the chat were:

Choose. Lose.

Choose / Lose

Choose - Lose

and then lots of grumping about how, grammatically, Choose, Lose and Choose; Lose are both more accurate but I loathed them.

Bruce had gone white. Jason had gone green.

A clever commenter thought this was a reference to the Pit. It wasn't, just nausea (watching yourself walk to a horrible end) and maybe a small nod to Megan Whalen Turner. I like the thought, though.

Tim took a step forward. Then another. A hand encircled his wrist, held him fast. The trigger callus scraped against his skin.

Like I said. Bruce could never choose or not choose. He needed his sons to make the choice for themselves. There was never another universe where he stopped Tim or let him go. It had to be Tim's choice to go and lose his future just as it had to be Jason's choice to stop him and accept what he had.

And lastly, a commenter left essentially a dictation of the dialogue she had with her mother (who doesn't read fic or know anything about DC) telling her what happened in this fic, and it made my entire life.

[immortaldesiresproject]

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Hello friends and fans!! I finally have some updates for ya’ll!

I’ve been working on this project alone for months, specifically since the day Pixelberry announced they will no longer continue forward with Immortal Desires. I was so crushed and saw so many other players and fans feel the same way. So, I decided to start messing around with making my own fan sequel after seeing @itlivesproject @thedistantshoresproject and @nightboundthesecond doing so well and seeing amazing products. I’m going to school for a BA in Game Art and Design, and my minor is Creative Writing, and I thought this would be a good go for my first video game. And I couldn’t be more excited to see things falling into place! I now have a writer onboard! Meet Mir! @timetravesty​ Hey everyone, I’m Mir and I’ll be helping out with the Immortal Desires 2 project! I’m a writer here on tumblr (couple of months till I hit the 1 year mark😯) and am really excited to be a part of this amazing project with everyone, but more importantly, helping deliver an amazing story to a series that ended too soon! Since we might know each other for a bit, some fun facts about me 🤔I’ve wanted a dog since I was around 6. I probably listen to my Spotify account 20/24 hours in the day.My favorite video games to play are animal crossing, stardew, undertale, Minecraft, and I was pretty into Haven recently, which I highly recommend 😌My favorite ghibli movie (since I had a marathon recently) is spirited away.I’m very excited for the future of this project and please look forward to future updates! 😗Nice to meet you all!

We’re still slowly moving, but, Mir and I have started expanding upon the plot points I’ve had planned for a while. We’re confident we’re going to be able to work well together to deliver a wonderful, full story for all of you.

And I couldn’t forget Ally! @fuckyeahilovemarcolinfan​

I’ve been a long-time fan and player of Choices; I started playing in December of 2016, but I started getting into the fandom somewhere around the end of 2018, and started on an IG that I created way back in 2014. I didn’t really intend to make my IG account about Choices, but I wanted to connect with people who have the same interests as me, and to share my ideas and opinions about the book releases. A very dear friend of mine started teaching me how to collect assets at some point in time, and I’ve been kind of considered a Spoiler Queen ever since then lol. I focused on posting premium scenes because I want everyone to see those scenes since not everyone can afford them. I started making edits way back in October 2019 because I really wanted people to distinguish me. All in all, I’m very fortunate that my best bud showed me how to access these assets.

Ally has been wonderful in helping me acquire assets and just being super supportive and so helpful. She is so enthusiastic about this project and has been just giving the best vibes!

Now that you’ve met the team, time for some awaited updates for ya’ll! First, lets start with the preview!!.

So, to state the obvious, this is everyone in their formal wear! I have also given all of the side characters formal wear, but I felt like these are what the people are screaming for! And of course, we have our lil Sethy-poo included in here too and he got a makeover! If you would be so kind to click play at the video at the top because it’s featuring a rough draft of the title song. It’s my own lil creation, however, I’m recruiting folks from my local music scene to not only help out with this project, but to help support their bands and their projects!

Super bummed that the quality of these dropped because of the formatting, but I have included all three of the new expressions I’ve created: playful, shy, and disgusted. All of the main and primary characters have these faces! I have also gotten all of the female MC sprite sheets done, most of the female clothes, and all of the hair; I’m so excited to give you guys that update in the future!! From here, Mir and I will be working on a very rough draft of the story. I will continue working on assets for the MC since almost all of the primary/main characters are done. 

The next update will likely be a few weeks from now; I’m not sure what I’ll have for ya’ll quite yet, but please stay tuned and ask any and all questions. Thank you all for the overwhelming amount of support and love; it’s greatly appreciate between me and the team.

[puhpandas]

This may sound kind of dumb, but I don't... really want hw 2 to make the books canon? As someone who had never heard of (and doesn't have an interest in buying and reading) the books until shortly after ruin. The idea that there's extremely plot relevant information that you'll be totally lost without for the game's plot locked away across several books just doesn't sit right with me, mostly cause I've seen other game series decide to not explain things at all under the strange assumption that every player definitely read the books when that definitely isn't the case. Like, I'm begging steel wool to actually explain that stuff in game, even if it's locked behind some secrets, because I shouldn't have to buy and read several 30 dollar books based off a game in order to understand said game's plot.

idk i could go into this in more detail but I also don't wanna drop an entire essay in a single ask on you (unless you want me to go into it more, but that's your call)

I just assume that we've already crossed that line because of the mimic being in ruin. I'm not sure if things like the mimic especially or GGY were planned from the beginning and released too early AFTER sb and BEFORE ruin (for the mimics case) because of the last delay of the game, or if they were just written and released when they were.

if the mimic hadn't been canon, I wouldn't even be considering GGY being in a game or it even being canon. but the mimic is at least, so theres a chance GGY will be too. especially because of how many gaps in the story it fills in and how it completes the narrative if you view everything in context of it.

the books being canon and lore hidden behind paywalls sucks, but also it's something early fnaf fans wished for (back when the silver eyes first came out, I remember people hoping it had lore because people wanted any crumbs at that point) so maybe they didnt see anything wrong with it because of that

in my eyes, to give them the benefit of the doubt, SW fnaf games take much longer to make and release than early/clickteam fnaf did. four games over the course of one year back then, because of how light they are, and games farther apart now (HW + dreabear (2019) security breach (2021) ruin + HW2 (2023))

SW era fnaf games are a lot heavier and bigger, and that means longer to release and more time waited in between them. so maybe they made the choice to put lore in books because they couldnt fit EVERYTHING they needed into a game without it taking literal years to cover everything, so they settled for books instead.

but maybe that's just me. this is just a theory anyway and theres no indication it's actually true, just speculation. but hopefully when I say what I said above and that the things in the books they're making canon are actually like, cool things (the mimic and probably ggy) it makes you feel better about the whole thing

[nriacc]

Playing On My Mind | NRIACC: Part 29 |

Nothing Revealed In A Common Crisis

Plot by @imagine-that-100​ and @ghostlightqueen

Written by @imagine-that-100​​

Description: | Here |

Word Count: 19.1k

Warnings: This series contains mature content and themes throughout

A/N: Can't believe this is the second to last chapter before the endings. Hope you all enjoy it and hope you enjoy the final drama I have to offer you all before this rollercoaster of a story comes to an end. Leeds Fest was fucking mental and it was one of the best weekends ever, seeing both bands up close was so stunning and my first time seeing Arctic Monkeys live didn't disappoint at all. And hope anyone getting tickets yesterday and today got them and are happy, I know I am. Anyway, hope you all enjoy this chapter! Thanks a million for reading x

| Series Masterlist | N’s Masterlist | NRIACC Playlists | The Band’s Info | Read on Wattpad | Read on AO3 |

~*~*~*~ August 2019 ~*~*~*~

The dates had snuck up on you. After dismissing the notifications all week about Leeds Fest, it’s finally caught up with you.

Truthfully, you’re scared about the impending ‘I told you so’, even if it didn’t happen in the context Matty thought it would. But it still made you hesitant to even want to sort things out with Matty.

And now you’ve run out of time. You wanted to get things sorted before the August bank holiday weekend so you could see your boys at Reading and Leeds.

But now you’ve left it too long and you’re not sure you can take the heartache of Matty telling you to piss off like you’re sure he would. It’s what you’d have done if you hadn’t just had the massive wakeup call that was your argument with Alex, which was practically yours and Matty’s argument but in reverse.

You truly understand why you must have aggravated Matty so much that night when you kept calling him jealous now, you’d been accused of the same thing. That night you were in the wrong, and you can see that now.

Hindsight is a great thing; you’ve reflected on what happened and realised that you were drunk and completely overreacting. Yes, your feelings were hurt and your feelings on how it happened are still completely valid, but you can now admit to yourself that Matty wasn’t entirely in the wrong.

So that just leaves you with the question, do you go to Leeds Fest and risk being turned away or do you save yourself the embarrassment and wait until your Manchester boys are back?

~*~*~*~ August 23rd 2019 ~*~*~*~

The decision was made for you when you realised that you weren’t even going to be able to catch The 1975 after Reading and Leeds. They were back off to America to finish up their American tour the day after they finished their shows, so Leeds was your only chance.

You didn’t tell anybody you were coming today, and if you were honest, you truthfully only convinced yourself a matter of hours ago that you were actually going to come. That would be why you were running really really late.

So late you missed all of the first day at Leeds and you were only given your passes and wristbands to get in as you could hear their self-titled song play and the audience shouting along. You’ve never stuck a backstage upgrade sticker to your jeans so fast or threw on an All-Access pass so quickly and you ran to the main stage from the drop off point at the guest area. You’ll never thank the boys enough for keeping you on their guestlist.

You get to the side of the stage just after your boys have gone on. And you truly mean you opened the curtain to the side of the stage seconds after they walked on. George had just made it to the kit and the crowd got incredibly loud watching them filter onto the stage.

So you end up watching their set from the side of the stage, just near their guitar techs. You keep out of the way, no one bothering you because of the sticker on your leg which lets you be there. Watching them perform their first single from their new album Notes On A Conditional Form leaves you spellbound as you listen and watch your boys play People for the first time live leaves you in awe.

And seeing the audience enjoying it, after it only being out a day, makes you and the boys on stage so happy. Matty puts on his front man persona and he’s fucking brilliant as per usual. His unhinged behaviour towards Adam makes you giggle, and it does for the rest of the gig.

Hearing Depth before they played Robbers about halfway through the show was new and interesting and seeing their visuals for Notes that Adam had asked you to draw up a few months earlier really make you smile. It’s fucking awesome and a nice change from An Encounter going into one of your favouite songs of theirs.

Falling For You makes you a little emotional, just as 505 does sometimes. It’s another song that’s so deeply rooted into your soul that you don’t think it ever won’t mean the world to you. You find yourself holding your 102 necklace to your heart as you listen to your curly haired brunette sing that one.

Just after this song, Carly finds you standing next to the guitar tech’s station and she pulls you into a hug, completely shocked and ecstatic to see you. She assures you that the boys will be too, which warms your heart a little, but you’re sort of glad they haven’t seen you yet. Praise the huge boxes that they have at each side of the stage.

It doesn’t block your view entirely though. You can see that Matty is wearing the merch that reads ‘This is a Fugazi t-shirt’ that you bought him for Christmas makes you smile. It looks good under his black suit too.

And you certainly don’t miss George stripping off his blazer for a minute whilst he takes his shirt off. You’re almost gutted that he puts the blazer back on and doesn’t stay completely on show for you.

The rest of the show is fucking brilliant and having Carly by you side for the rest of it makes you have an even better time. You laugh, you dance, you both certainly feel like crying with how proud of the boys you are.

But what you weren’t expecting was to see any of them before their show completely finished, but as it turns out they were treating the Notes version of The 1975 as their encore break.

And you only realised that when Ross was walking towards you and his entire face lit up realising you were there watching them just off stage. He rushes towards you, trapping you in a massive hug, “You came!”

“Of course I came.” You chuckle as you wrap your arms around him.

You feel like you’re hugging home as you get to hug your boys. And with each one it makes you more emotional.

George is next over and you don’t think he’s ever looked so excited to see you.

“Baby.” George doesn’t hesitate to offer his arms out for a hug.

“Hiya Georgiepie.” You laugh but you shake your head, “No, you’re so sweaty.”

And you almost mean it. There’s sweat dripping off him, but he is using his towel to try and soak everything up. Truth be told, you’re also still not quite used to him not having long hair anymore, so he looks even sweatier.

“You want to lick me,” George states, not believing you for a second after catching you glancing at his chest, “The least you can do is hug me.”

“No need to out me.” You chuckle when you’re pulled into his sweaty chest, but you don’t complain.  

The second you’re in his arms, he picks you up and spins you around as you hug each other. You can’t stop the laugh that falls from your lips.

When your feet are back on the ground again, you get emotional when you hear your cousin excitedly call out for you, “B!”

“Hiya Bro.” You grin, turning around and rushing into Adam’s arms.

The tears come then when you hold your cousin for a solid minute and tell him just how proud of him you are. Equally, Adam gets just as emotional thanking you for the surprise of you coming and because of the relief of what he’s just accomplished is almost finished.

It truly is a dream come true for him and you can’t wait for him to tell you every tiny detail about how it felt like they all used to do when they came off stage years ago.

After you let your cousin go, you expect the inevitable interaction with Matty which could still go either way, but you don’t find him anywhere near you. In fact, you find him to still be on the stage, clearly not planning to come off at all.

Your cousin informs you that this was in fact always the plan. Matty was going to stay on stage to try and make people listen to the environmental message they were trying to promote, so you keep to the side of the stage with the other boys, who are having a quick but well-deserved drink, and you keep your eyes fixed on Matty.

During the Greta speech, you watch as Matty watches the crowd. The glow from the huge screens on either side of the stage and behind makes it so you can see the crowd stirring, but you know that Matty must just be a silhouette to them.

It’s interesting watching him watch them. Really, all you can see is his body language, but to you it’s like he’s taking everything in. Appreciating every second of seeing everyone there for him, and in this moment they are there for him and only him considering the others aren’t on stage anymore.

It makes you emotional seeing how heavy he’s breathing. This is everything he’s ever wanted. He must be filled with such excitement and joy and every positive emotion that there is, you can’t even begin to think of how overjoyed he must be.

He’s headlined Leeds Fest. Glasgow Summer Sessions is tomorrow, and Reading’s on Sunday. He’s done it.

These were weekends he used to dream of. You remember lying on his bed in Denise’s house back in Wilmslow with Matty’s head on your stomach, your hands playing with his curls, with him telling you all of these hopes and dreams.

And he’s there living it right in front of you. Something which gets you all emotional all over again, leaving you teary eyed as your cousin pulls you into another side hug as you watch Matty slowly pace the stage.

Your curly haired brunette breaks his concentration on the crowd and turns to the side of the stage that you and the band are standing on. And you’re sure he’s searching for George because he looks like he’s about to shout something to him, but when his eyes land on you he stops.

Before you even get to smile or get a hold of your emotions, Matty abandons his position on stage and starts walking straight over. You’re sure your heart stops and you’re certainly holding your breath as he approaches you and you panic a little when Adam lets go of you to clearly give you and Matty a bit of privacy. Not that you even look where your cousin disappears off to though, your eyes are fixed on your curly haired brunette.

Matty comes to the side of the stage, coming into the darkness where you are, and stops a few steps in front of you. All the while you’re still holding your breath, really not knowing how this reaction was going to go.

The yellow glow of the screen at the back of the stage illuminates your curly haired brunette’s face and you truly can’t read him now. He’d been clear as day to read whilst he was performing but him standing here now you can’t pick out anything and his voice doesn’t give anything away either.

He states plainly, void from any emotion, “You’re here.”

You give him a small nod, “Yeah.”

“You’re actually here.” There’s slight shock in Matty’s voice as he takes a step closer.  

“I am.” You say with a little more confidence.  

“Fucking hell Wheels,” Relief pours into your curly haired brunettes voice as he takes a step closer and pulls you into him so he can hug you. Both of you hold each other so tight, you’re certain that you won’t want to let go.

It’s been so long, the embrace actually makes you emotional. It feels so fucking good to be back in your best friends arms, you’ve missed him so fucking much.

“I thought you hadn’t come.” Hearing him say that over the song still coming through the speakers completely breaks your heart.

It’s clear that the both of you are completely overwhelmed by being back in each other's presence you can’t quite believe it. But you assure your curly haired brunette by holding him that bit tighter and you lift your head up from being buried into his chest so Matty hears you.

He can tell just how much you mean it when you say, “Wouldn’t have missed this for the world Matty.”

That seems to make Matty want to see your face then. You’re unsure whether it’s to check if you’re being genuine or not or if he just wanted to reaffirm that you’re actually standing in his arms.

He looks dazed as you take him in. Like he’s not entirely with it, but you know the signs when he’s using so you know that he is 100% sober. He’s just running on pure adrenaline.

And you’re about to tell him how much you enjoyed the show he’d just put on for everyone, but his lips take up yours. The kiss is a shock but not an unpleasant one and you don’t think much about kissing him back.

It’s always been simple between you and Matty. Kissing him is like second nature, something that was always meant to happen between you and who are you to stop it now.

After a few long seconds, the both of you pull away but the feeling it stirs up in both of you definitely lingers. Matty’s thumb stroking your cheek keeps you in the moment and you get lost looking into those beautiful brown eyes of his.

You truly think you could stay in the moment looking at each other like this forever. But the crowd gets a little loud again bringing the both of you out of your little bubble.

Both of you share a smile before Matty drops his hand from your cheek and grabs your hand. He pulls you a little closer to the side of the stage and says, “Wheels, look.”

Due to how important you know this is for him, you’re happy to let your differences slide for tonight. You’ll have a lot to talk about tomorrow and you won’t be letting anything go but you let him have this.

You’re not quite sure Matty knows it’s 2019 anymore anyway. You feel like you’ve been taken back to 2013 and you’re happy to not hold any kiss against Matty tonight. He’s completely overcome with euphoria and you’re not going to ruin that.

The both of you stop with a good view of the thousands of fans filling the field entirely and your heart bursts for your Manchester boys. They truly have done it. They’ve made it and there’s people as far as the eye can see. Just like it was when the Monkeys last headlined.

This somehow feels even more special though. This is all for them. They are the headliners. The last to go on. Everyone is here for them.

You remember Matty’s excited phone calls from back when he was 16 and could go to Leeds Fest for the first time and he’d tell you just how much fun he had and that he couldn’t wait to go the following year. He’d tell you how he waited at the front to see his favourites on the stage and how he promised you that one day when the band was big enough to headline Leeds, he would have your name first on the list to come and see them.

He would tell you about his dreams to headline Leeds Fest, about how it couldn’t be topped by any other gig they could get offered because they had attended this festival since they were allowed to get in. It was such a big part of their childhood and a big part of their drive to be the amazing band that they are.

It’s truly no surprise you have tears in your eyes and you let them well up as Matty traps you in a hug from behind and rests his head on your shoulder so he can take it in too. You’re really not listening to the Notes version of the song The 1975 at this point, you’re just loving seeing the crowd cheer for them, wanting their encore sooner rather than later.

Matty’s voice is the next thing to draw your attention back though. “It’s all for us, Wheels.” Your curly haired brunette whispers in your ear placing a small kiss just below it on your neck.

You correct him, resting your hands over his arms, “It’s all for you, Matty.” and you lean back into him.

“There is no me without you. You’ve given me all of this.” Matty gestures to the crowd in front of you before his arm returns around your waist, “They sing your songs back at me and it’s all for you... I’ll never be able to thank you enough.”

Whilst you appreciate the sentiment, it’s all his creative genius and hard work that’s got him this far. And you’re about to tell him that but the way in which you can feel how much he means the way he says his next sentence makes you not argue.

“You’ve made my dreams come true, Sweetheart.” His arms around your waist squeeze you that bit tighter when he looks over your shoulder to the sea of fans in front of him with glassy eyes. You feel him place a small kiss on your shoulder before he whispers, “This is all I’ve ever wanted.” and you hear his voice crack.

“It’s all you, Matty.” You assure him as you slot your fingers between his so you can sort of hold his hand from the position you’re in.

Both of you watch the restless crowd for a minute more until you know that he’s got to go back on stage. The long speech is about to end when Matty pleads, “Let me hug you.” and you don’t deny him or yourself that pleasure.

Turning in his arms, you wrap your arms around his shoulders as his tighten around your waist. The both of you stand there savouring it with your hearts thudding erratically from the buzz of the gig and you can feel the relief pour into your system that Matty is back in your arms and you already know that everything will be alright between you.

“I’ve missed you so much, Sweetheart.” You almost miss him say because you're so invested in the tight embrace. Things feel right again. He makes you feel like you’re home.

You whisper right into his ear before burying your head into his neck, “I’ve missed you too Curly.”

After a quiet second, Matty starts to say, “I’m s-”

“I know.” You interrupt him because you don’t need apologies now, you don’t need to bring his mood down. “I am too.”

You share a small smile that speaks it all. And for now, that’s all that’s needed.

Hearing that the speech playing through the speakers is almost done, you nod over to the crowd and change the subject when you tell Matty with a grin as the crowd cheers, “I think they want you back.”

“Just a minute more.” Matty doesn’t move his arms from around you, now making both of you sway in your hug and it makes your heart burst the way he looks at you with a big smile on his face.  

You promise him, “I’ll be right here when you get back.” and you end up adding with a cheeky grin.

“Besides, I need to hear that I’ve got a boyfriend anyway.” You laugh a little, smiling up at him so brightly when you plead, “Need you to sing me my song, Curly.”

That seems to make his day because the smile doesn’t leave his face at all. “Is it still your favourite?”

Chuckling you nod, “Yeah. Wore my high tops for you n’ everything.”

“That’s my Wheels.” Matty laughs looking down and seeing that you are indeed wearing your black and white hightop Vans.

“Thank you for coming, Sweetheart.” Matty hugs you that bit tighter before he repeats, “Thank you so much.”

Pulling out of the hug, you stay close. And you let your emotions get the better of you because this time you lean in and kiss him yourself.

Matty responds just how he’s done every other time you’ve kissed each other. This time it’s one that the both of you savour and one that you hope screams ‘I’m so proud of you’.

“I love you.” You tell him when you pull away.

And you know Matty knows you don’t mean that you’re in love with him. You mean it in the way you’ll always love each other. Because regardless of everything else you’re his best friend, which is why Matty doesn’t for a second hesitate to reply, “I love you too.”

After that, you push him back on stage and the others filter past you giving you a smile. Clearly they are all pleased to see you and Matty back to being friends again.

The band go on and give their encore of a lifetime. Love It If We Made It is first and it gets the crowd back into gear straight away. You never for a second thought you’d hear an entire field scream ‘We’re fucking in a car, shooting heroin’ but it makes you giggle when it happens.

Chocolate obviously gets the crowd just as rowdy because even the people that are at this festival that don’t know the band very well all know this song. It’s an old banger that gets everyone going just as much as Girls did.

Your curly haired brunette looked over to you and grinned when the set moved on and he started playing his opening chord of Sex. Teasing the crowd with that D chord which makes all the girls on the barrier scream when they realise what they are about to hear. Matty blows you a kiss just before starting the song off properly which makes you laugh.

However, minutes later you start crying again when Matty tells the crowd to ‘fucking jump’ during The Sound because you can see the sea of people in front of you do exactly what they’re told. It’s fucking mental to you how your boys are making people have the time of their lives, jumping to their live music and it goes as far as the eye can see.

Your heart is bursting for them. You’ve never been so proud.

Coming off stage, Matty kisses you again but once again you just let him because it’s clearly so adrenaline induced. You couldn’t tell him off anyway because George comes off and does exactly the same thing, which you find funny because Matty kissed George on his walkway once they’d finished before the gentle giant threw his sticks.

Ross traps you in the biggest hug that your cousin breaks but you’re only pleased because you can give him the biggest hug. You make sure to tell him just how proud you are and you don’t let him go for a solid while. Not that Adam is complaining, you’re certain he’s trying to take in and process just how much the last two hours have meant to him.

Before any of you know it, there’s an after party happening around you. In The 1975’s section, you end up finding Tim, Matty’s Dad, and you’re pleased to see that he’s doing well.

You don’t think you’ve ever ran into your Aunt or Uncle’s arms faster than when you saw them tonight. Turns out they had been up on the viewing platform above the sound booth in the field so they had a good view of the show so it was so nice to see them just as emotional and proud of Adam and the boys as you.

As the party kicks off you get introduced to a load of people so you do end up losing sight of your family for a while. You were introduced to people like Mike and Ben from Royal Blood, the guys in The Wombats, and Charli XCX, which is still fucking mental to you after being forced to meet multiple celebs over the years.

Before you all got side tracked with the party though, Matty pulled you into their bus with the band whilst they all quickly changed and he was the first to bring up the past. “I know we’ve got a lot to talk about, but can we just have tonight?” Your curly haired brunette asks, “Or we can talk tonight if you want to.”

“It’s okay,” You assure him, because you were going to suggest the same, “We can talk tomorrow.”

Matty smiles at that, appreciating it and now he’s certain that nothing can bring a downer on his night. It just gets even better when he asks with a hopeful grin, “Are you coming to Summer Sessions with us?”

The repetition of ‘please’ in his mind seems to do him wonders because you nod, “If you’ll have me?”

“Course we’ll have you.” Matty grins and who are changing behind Matty near their bunks cheer.

George is the first to bundle out, quickly throwing his arm around your shoulders now he’s freshly dressed and he pulls you into his side. The smirk doesn’t leave his lips as he says, “Yeah, you can sleep in my bed.”

Unsurprisingly, you flirt back with him, “With you there too?”

“Where else?” George gives it right back which makes you want to laugh.

But what actually makes you giggle is when Matty draws your eyes back to him pointing between you and the drummer saying, “I still don’t appreciate this.”

“He is my soulmate to be fair.” You joke, resting your hand on George’s chest and leaning into him a little more.

Matty just ends up rolling his eyes and moving slightly down to his bunk so he can change.

“She’s mine this evening... Come on Y/N/N,” George announces and begins to steer you away as Matty pulls his Fugazi top off, “Can’t have you seeing Matty shirtless again. Hann won’t be the only one upset if you fall for him again.”

Everyone on the bus laughs at that and that was when most introductions were made. By the time the other boys came out, the party was in full swing, yet you seemed to be the only one without a drink in your hands.

That is what prompted you to head to the drinks table which is littered with all the alcohol you could ever want. There’s spirits and mixers on one side of the table, bottles of wine on the other and you’re sure they’ve been expecting a party because there’s no way this was all on their rider.

You make yourself a raspberry gin and tonic, seeing nothing else that you particularly want at this moment in time. And it was an easy option because Ross came over and distracted you with telling you all the fun things he saw in the crowd during the gig whilst he got himself a drink too.

After he’s finished his story though, and you’ve both stopped chuckling, a certain bottle grabs your eye and you pick it out of the mass of them. “Oh my god, there’s strawberry shots.”

The bassist can’t help but find it adorable the way a simple bottle of alcohol seems to brighten your mood instantly.

“Course there is.” Ross grins, picking up the vodka for himself. Nodding to the bottle of sours in your hand, he informs you, “They’re on our rider.”

“Why would they be on your rider?” You can’t help but ask him. None of the lads drink shots regularly. You truly don’t understand why that would be something they would have on their list for every gig.

Spotting your confusion, the bassist finds himself all the more amused. He can’t wait to tell you this one.

“Oh, I love that you don’t know this.” Ross grins to himself as he pours his drink out and he explains, “Every UK show, most Europe shows that are anywhere near the UK, Matty puts strawberry shots on our rider just in case you happen to show up.”

“You’re kidding.” Falls from your lips before you can even process that information.

“No,” Ross grins, reiterating, “Every time.”

“That’s lovely but wasteful if it never gets used.” You can’t help but scorn the idea slightly. What’s the point in having it if no one enjoys it.

“No, it always gets used if we’re drinking before we go on.” Ross assures you, “And if they’re not, we give the bottles we haven’t opened to the staff that help us in the venues.”

You find that to be a kind gesture but you’re still unsure why it’s on their rider if they don’t drink shots themselves, “But you’s don’t really like them.”

“No, but Matty does.” The bassist tells you honestly, “He almost does a little toast by himself each night before taking a shot of it and then going on stage… And we all know he’s doing a little toast to you.”

You can’t quite believe what you’re hearing, “Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” Ross nods, “To me it seems like an innocent little ‘thank you’ gesture he does and then the night moves on… And we all know who’s favourite flavour is strawberry, so we can only assume it’s the one person he’s thanking.” He raises his eyebrows and gives you a knowing look.

You find the gesture sweet if anything. Strawberry shots remind you of Matty entirely. How he would make sure they were always at every party you attended so you never felt left out when you came to Manchester.

Before you can think too much into it, Ross chuckles,  “You did give us all our songs, after all.”

“Oooo, strawberry shots!” A person that appears on the other side of you breaks your conversation by pointing to them, as they say, “They’re my favourite.”

And when you turn to see who else has excellent taste, you find it’s someone you weren’t long ago introduced to.

“Same here.” You smile at Charli XCX, and offer her straight away, “Want one?”

“Please.” She nods.

As you pour the both of you a shot each, Ross leaves the both of you to it. You end up telling Charli that she looks amazing and that you’ve loved her music for a long while which she seems to really appreciate.

And taking the shots together has you becoming even more chatty with each other and you slip into easy conversation. You finish your gin before you even leave the drinks table because you both get so invested in what you’re chatting about.

But then you find that you’re pouring yourself and Charli another strawberry shot. This time as you take it you spot Matty a little bit away from you but he sees you and you lift your red shot in the air to cheers him before downing your second shot. And you find that two each clearly isn’t enough for either of you.

“Christ, we should do these all night,” You smile, almost forgetting completely that Charli just poured you another gin as you poured those previous shots. “Get nice and buzzed quickly.”

“Oh, I support this one hundred percent.” Charli suggests the best idea you’ve ever heard, “Think we should do body shots too.”

“I’m down.” You don’t hesitate to agree but then you pause after having another amazing idea as you pour the both of you another.

Charli seems to note this though, and she asks you, “What’s on your mind?”

“Oh,” You laugh, and decide to tell her the truth, “Just thinking how I can get George to play.”

“Hell fucking yes!” She approves excitedly, picking up the shots and handing you one, “I’ll drink to that.”

As you clink your shot glass with Charli’s, you can’t help but think that you’re going to be so very hungover in the morning. And you won’t regret it a single bit.

~*~*~*~ September 21st 2019 ~*~*~*~

Before you made friends with Matty again, life had been quiet and frankly, you fucking hated it. Not talking to either him or Alex left you bored a lot of the time because in any other circumstances where you were in contact with both of them, they always called you to tell you about anything and everything.

With both of them gone, you found yourself so bored. Now you were back in contact with Matty, he kept you on your toes again. You got texts and phone calls about the most random things that were happening on tour or if he just needed to ask you a quick question.

But in the quiet moments where Matty was busy, you couldn’t help but think that they were usually filled by Alex.

It got you thinking that despite what happened between you and your other best friend, you would rather have him as a friend than no friend at all. You’re not going to pretend that you now approve of his girlfriend, because you really fucking don’t, but you would rather have him in your life and it be slightly awkward than not at all. After all, he put up with you talking about Brandon, you could put up with the mentions of Pauline.

Besides, you want to be the bigger person. You know that the both of you need to apologise for the manner in which you spoke to each other, and you’re more than willing to do that.

However, that seems to be a totally one sided thing. Because everything you try and have been trying for the past fortnight ultimately fails, which has led you to your little breakdown today.

Because you’ve had no contact with Alex for so long, you had little idea of what he was doing since their tour finished early last month. Which means that's why you tried texting and calling Alex sporadically throughout today and when you were constantly left on read or your calls were declined, it made you upset.

Matt could see that Alex was distracted today, more than he has been usually but he hadn’t questioned it. The band was offered a possible last minute festival gig over in Australia so they were practising in Matt’s house in London.

Nothing had been announced yet so they were just running through a possible setlist to see if they wanted to do the gig or not. Matt just thought Alex’s mood was to do with the fact he was still bitter about the fact the rest of the band had sided with you when they were told what happened.

The first time Alex saw them after it, he’d walked in and told them with a ‘can you believe the nerve of her’ attitude. Little did the singer know you’d left Alex’s flat that day and gone straight to Matt’s place in Sheffield.

All of the lads already knew and sided with you. It had been a little uncomfortable since that day but they got on with it like they always did when they were together and one of them was in a mood.

Matt didn’t let his best mate spoil his time with his daughter. Amelia is here with them and whilst they were practising he loved seeing his daughter so happy watching them play and in the gaps between songs Matt let her have a quick go on the drums.

It brought a smile to even Alex’s moody face but of course the smile didn’t last long. Like now, during the 20 minute break they allowed themselves Alex just sits on his phone with a brooding expression.

It completely contrasts with everyone else’s mood. And even the loud ring of the drummer’s house phone doesn’t even cause a raised eyebrow. The singer just stares at his phone blankly scrolling.

Matt answers the phone with a chipper, “Hello?” And everyone can hear the smile on his face and the joy in his voice.

But the smile on his face doesn’t last long.

“Y/N?” Everyone hears the drummer ask, but what becomes clear is that Matt sounds a little panicked when he next speaks, “Hey, woah woah, what's up?”

In his peripherals he sees Matt sit forward a little and says, “Take a few deep breaths for me, Cupcake.”

After a second, Matt gets up and leaves the room and Alex thinks he hears Jamie ask if he’s alright watching Amelia for a bit whilst he’s on the phone. Of course, the guitarist agrees and Matt ends up disappearing off more than likely upstairs so he can talk to you.

“What’s up with Y/N/N?” Alex hears Nick ask Jamie.

“Dunno, haven’t spoken to her since last week… I hope she’s alright.”

“Do you know?” Alex just about hears Nick ask, but he keeps his eyes on his phone,

“Oi.” Nick gets the singer's attention with that and a light kick to his shin, “Do you know what’s up with Y/N?”

“Why would I?” Alex shakes his head, going back to his phone immediately.

“Dunno, maybe because you’re meant to be her best friend.” Jamie says under his breath and pretends he doesn’t hear him as he concentrates on replying to his messages again.

Alex doesn’t care for what you have to say anymore so why would he be in contact with you. With the nasty way you spoke about someone he loves, he doesn’t think you’re worth the time of day.

Each time he looks down at his arm now, reading the tattooed words Bright Angel it leaves him with a bitter taste in his mouth. Maybe he should book the laser removal appointment that Pauline keeps talking to him about.

After a minute, Alex takes the last sip of his coffee and he gets himself up from his seat. It prompts Nick to ask, “Where are you going?”

“To the toilet.” Alex tells him, asking with a bit of humour laced in his voice, “That okay with you?”

“By all means.” Nick chuckles a little before both of their attention goes back to Amelia.

And Alex does quickly use the downstairs toilet, but the singer spots another device in the corner of the dining room as he walks past the door. Curiosity gets the better of the singer as he walks into the room and picks up another of Matt’s house phones. He presses the green button and puts the device to his ear and starts listening into your conversation.

Upset rings clear in your voice as you all but cry down the phone, “He hates me Matt.”

“He doesn’t hate you.” Matt assures you but Alex can picture you sobbing in your flat, presumably in London, although he can’t be sure of your whereabouts these days.

“He does… He all but said it when I last saw him and his actions are speaking louder than words now.” Your choked up voice rings loud in Alex’s ear, and he knows for a fact you’re talking about him when you continue, “You should have seen the way he looked at me. I’ve never once seen him look at me like that.”

“He’ll come to his senses.” Matt tries to tell you and Alex can’t help but find it interesting seeing very clearly who’s side Matt is taking on this matter.

“I don’t think he will.” You choke up again and you start crying again as you tell him, “I can tell he loves her so hearing me call her out must have been the last straw.”

Matt doesn’t know what to suggest to help, instead he pleads, “Please don’t cry Y/N/N.”

“I’ve been crying for weeks.” You sniffle, your voice is a higher pitch and full of distress and Alex can guess that you’ve got your comfort Blur hoodie on today. “He won’t answer my phone calls, he won’t text me back, and I bet if he saw me he’d just look the other way.”

“He wouldn’t.” Matt says a little more sternly but he surprises Alex when he says, “He’s just too proud to say he’s wrong.”

Whilst that enrages Alex so much he has to bite his tongue to stop himself from giving away his spying. But his fury at Matt falls to the back of his mind when he hears you respond.

“I love him Matt, and I’ve never cried so much because I’ve lost someone.”  

It seems to floor Matt, just as much as it floors Alex hearing those words leave your lips. The drummer asks you, disbelief clear in his voice, “You love him?”

“Not like that. I mean in mine and his way… He’s my best friend.” Alex can just about breath again when he hears that. You continue, “Always has been, whether feelings were a part of it or not. It’s always been me and him.”

It feels like a dagger to the heart when Alex hears you say that because he can hear just how much you mean it. But Alex can’t dismiss the sour taste it leaves him with, because he’s not going to go back on what he said because he can’t and won’t believe that someone he loves would treat his best friend like that.

“Yeah I know.” Matt agrees with you, “It’s always been me and Y/B/F and then you and Al.”

“Listen Y/N, don’t worry. Give him some time and-”

You interrupt, “It’s been months Matt.”

“Yeah, but he’s pretty infatuated with this one so I’d expect longer to realise. He’s probably hurt, which I’m really sorry we asked you to do, I really am.” You can hear Matt regrets ever asking you in his voice, and when you told him what happened he apologised profusely too. Matt continues, “Should have all sat him down and had an intervention. But I didn’t think he’d react like that to you.”

“It’s okay. He probably got more of the harsh truth because he got me angry.” You sigh, not knowing what else you can do at this point.

You don’t regret your words, you just regret how angry you got and the way you said everything. Your words still ring true. Pauline is a bitch and Alex deserves better than a snake like her.

Matt shakes his head, still feeling extremely guilty he left you to deal with that on your own. And the guilt can be heard when he says, “Doesn’t mean it was okay what he said back to you. So I’m really sorry.”

“Not your fault, is it?” You sigh.

That leaves Alex feeling unsteady because he does regret the way he blew up at you. But he’s in a stalemate, if he makes friends with you again he’d be in a way betraying his girlfriend and he’s not sacrificing his relationship for you, not again.

Matt distracts Alex again, speaking back up to ask you, “What do you want me to say the call was about if he asks why you were upset?”

“He’s not going to ask. He’s too stubborn to do that.” Alex can picture you shaking your head, “And to be honest, I doubt he cares I’m upset.”

“You know he does.” Matt stops you before you can spiral.

“Not so sure anymore Matt.” You sigh, and your voice gets the tiniest bit choked up again when you say, “I went to try and see him last week, when I was up in Sheffield.”

Matt prompts you to continue, “Yeah?” and Alex internally cringes knowing exactly what his best friend is about to be told.

“I tried to. But I realised that I left my key there when we argued and because he wasn’t answering me. I was just going to go up and stay outside until he talked to me.” You explain, “And when I got there and asked for the spare key at reception and he’d taken me off his list and off as his secondary… I’ve never felt like such an idiot, Matt.”

“Daniel,” The receptionist of Alex’s building, “Looked like he didn’t want to even tell me and when Daniel rang him to see if I could go up I knew straight away that Alex told him no.”

It was true. Alex didn’t let you up. Partly because Pauline was there with him that day and because he’s still so fucking annoyed at you for everything that was said.

“Fucking twat.” Matt scoffs loudly.

“I know he’s a twat Matt, but he’s my best friend and he won’t speak to me… I don’t know what to do… I just want to be the bigger person and make it right.” It pains Matt to hear you get choked up again and he knows you well enough to know that tears must be falling down your cheeks.

Matt causes Alex to panic when he hears him say, “I’ll go get him now.”  

“No, don’t.” You stop him before Alex even gets a chance to pull the phone away from his ear and pretend that he wasn’t eavesdropping.

You continue to persuade Matt to stop, “He didn’t want to see me last week and he’s been declining my calls today. I don’t think he’s gunna have changed his mind in a matter of hours, and if I’m honest, I don’t think I can be told no again.”

Knowing from the silence on the other end of the call, you know Matt doesn’t know what to do or say. So you just try to end the call, “Anyway, I’ll let you get back and I’ll head out to try and stop crying.”

But Matt keeps you on the call, not wanting to end on a sad note, “Found a hiding spot in London yet?”

“Not quite.” You chuckle, knowing Matt knows you liked to disappear somewhere when you’re back home. “I’ll just go for a walk later when it rains to clear my head and so it hides the tears.”

Whilst your words make Alex’s heart ache, you do leave Alex confused though. Does Matt know about your spot in the park back home? He can only assume he now does because you’ve never talked about your hiding spot with anyone but him and Y/B/F as far as he knows. Somehow, Matt knowing about that cherry blossom tree doesn’t sit right with him.

“Please try and stop crying for me.” Matt pleads, and they can both hear you sniffle as you wipe your tears away. Matt suggests, “Have a nap and I’ll come round later.”

“Awh Matt,” You coo, “I forget your single now and that we can have a cuddle.”

The drummer chuckles at that, “The only good thing about Alex being in this relationship is that you have more free time for me and the others now.”

“And I look forward to it.” Your words make Alex frown, “Won’t have to deal with gel in your hair when I mess with it.”

“You say this like we’ve done that loads.” Matt laughs, “And you say that like you and Al just cuddle sometimes.”

“We used to.” Your voice is sombre.

Matt chuckles, “Love that.” knowing that if you’re that close, this separation must be eating you alive.

You’re about to say something else, but a screech giggle from Amelia being chased by Jamie from the room next to the one that Alex is hiding in has the singer panicking a little. Alex very quickly puts his thumb over the end of the phone, blocking it from picking up noise on his end.

But both you and Matt hear it. And Matt is upstairs and his daughter's squeal was muffled and barely audible from the room he’s in, meaning that the drummer knows the noise must have come through a speaker on a different phone downstairs.

And the only person he can think of that would be as low as to not say a word on this call is the one who caused all the issues you’re upset about. Alex.

The drummer doesn’t say anything, mostly because you get there before him and ask, “Oh, do you have Amelia with you? I thought Bre had her up North still.”

Oh shit is Alex’s first thought. Thankfully though, he seems to have gotten away with it

Matt takes a second, but he does end up telling you, “No, she’s here. Bre has gone back to LA to see some old friends for a week whilst I have her.”

“You think I could take her out so I stop crying?” You ask the drummer, your voice full of hope he takes you up on it.

But Alex is praying Matt says no so you don’t come round to get his niece because he doesn’t want to see you. If he heard that you’re coming, he will make a quick exit himself and pretend there’s an emergency or something.

“Course you can.” You can practically hear Matt’s smile, “Doubt Jamie wants her pulling on his hair all the time.”

You giggle at that imagining that visual and Matt is happy he’s somehow made you laugh.

“I’ll come and drop her off.” Matt saves Alex a panic when he tells you that.  

But you try to brush the idea off, clearly not wanting to ruin anyone’s plans, “You don’t have to if you’re busy.”

“I’ll bring her round.” Matt assures you, but then just as Alex is about to hang up his phone, the drummer asks a question that surprises him, “By the way, did you give any thought to Matty’s offer?”

Alex’s first thought is a harsh, Since when did you make friends with Matty?

“Yeah I’ve been thinking about it, I’m still not sure though.” You sound hesitant to even speak the words out loud.

“I think you should go.” Matt surprises you by saying that. But it makes sense when he continues, “It’ll be a nice way to take your mind off the dickhead we both call a best friend.”

You chuckle a little at that before asking, “You really think?”

“Yeah.” Matt encourages you, “You loved our tours so touring with them for the first time properly will be a blast for you, I have no doubt. Even if Matty will wear you out.”

“When doesn’t he?” You laugh at that.

Alex wants to throw the phone. Even more so when he hears what the drummer says next. And Matt’s words are strategic because he knows it’s not a private phone call.

“And after what you said happened at this year’s Leeds Fest after party, I’m sure you’ll have a right good time.” Alex and you can hear Matt’s teasing smirk as he says that.

“Okay Matt, I told you that in confidence.”

It’s at this point, the singer decides he’s done enough earwigging because the mere thought of something happening between you and Matty at Leeds Fest has Alex seething. Not because he’s jealous, but because he was exactly right with what he said to you. You’d just gone straight back to Matty because you couldn’t have him. It’s pathetic.

He silently presses the red button on the house phone and puts it back in the holder before returning to the rest of his band and his niece. Alex just pulls out his phone when he enters the room but Nick does ask him, “Where have you been?”

“I told you I was going to the toilet.” Alex dismisses him and sits down on the settee waiting for Matt to return so they can get back to their jam session like he doesn’t already know Matt’s going to end it early.

And it only takes a few minutes for Alex to get deep into a conversation with Pauline for his mind to forget everything else around him. He’s not even really paying attention when his best friend comes back downstairs and calls for his daughter, “Amelia?”

Matt’s little girl turns to him and he asks her with a grin, “You want to go and watch the princesses with Auntie Y/N/N?”

“Yes!” The little girl cheers and all the lads but Alex find themselves smiling at her excitement.

“Come on then, Darling.” Matt holds out his hand to his daughter, “Let’s go see her.”

At that Alex picks his head up. They were meant to be doing something. Surely he could just take Amelia after they were done? They only have 15 minutes of their set left to go through.

“We’re meant to be practising.” Alex states blankly, coming across frosty because of the shit that Matt had been chatting about him on the phone.

It stings knowing that two of your closest friends are plotting against you and all that hurt comes out as icey anger. But clearly, Alex isn’t the only one feeling that way.

“And you’re meant to be a nice person.” Matt backchats in a way no one in the room expected.

It’s venomous, leaving Alex speechless for a few seconds and the other lads shocked.

“Come on Princess,” Matt looks down at his daughter and smiles as he tells her, “You run upstairs and get your pyjamas and some toys you want to take.”

Alex, still feeling hurt by everything, asks in a bitter and expectant tone, “How do you expect us to do anything whilst you’re not here?”

They were meant to be having a 20 minute break before getting back to it. This really wasn’t the time to be bailing.

“Do it acoustic.” The drummer brushes them off and turns as if to go upstairs to follow his daughter who’s already ran up to her room.

That just infuriates Alex even more though. The singer gets up and tries to get his best mate's attention, annoyance clear in his voice, “Matt.”

But that was the drummer's last straw. Alex is a little shocked when Matt turns around with vengeance, looking Alex dead in the eye as he walks back towards him.

“Don’t think I couldn’t hear you on that call. You’re a fucking twat, Alex!” The drummer seethes. Anger takes over as he continues, “You’re fucking lucky she wants anything to do with you after the shit you’ve put her through for the past fifteen years and the fact you didn’t speak up when you heard her crying like that shows me just how much she deserves better.”

“It’s got nothing to do with you.” Alex shakes his head, not wanting to hear any of this bullshit today.  

“It had nothing to do with her!” Matt yells back, “But we asked her to talk to you!”

Matt is shaking his head, his voice slightly quieter now but with just as much disgust laced into his tone, “Didn’t know you could be such a dickhead to the woman you’ve loved for half your life.”

Alex bites back, “Maybe she shouldn’t have said shit about my girlfriend!”  

That makes Matt’s blood boil. He almost laughs as he points out what’s so clearly not going through his friend's thick skull, “Your girlfriend who’s using you to promote her own music.”

Matt’s clearly lost his patience as he shakes his head at Alex, looking completely dumbfounded that his friend could be so blind, “You know, I thought you were meant to be clever…Turns out you're the thickest one of us all.”

“What am I meant to do, Matt?!” Alex blows up now, his voice louder and firmer as he asks his friend for more clarity. “Because she was asking me to choose between her and my girlfriend and, for once, I'm not hung up on her… I’m fucking happy! But the moment I am, she always comes back. And I’m sorry, but I’m choosing to be happy this time.”

“The fact that you think Y/N would ask you to choose between her and someone you’re seeing is honestly fucking hilarious.” Matt wants to laugh at just how stupid his best friend is being, “You do realise that is the furthest from the truth you’ve ever been, right?”

And when the drummer is met with nothing but silence and raised eyebrows, he starts counting up on his fingers. One, “You lied your way into bed with her on our second tour.”

Alex scoffs and rolls his eyes at that, “Are you really bringing up somethi-”

“Yes I am!” Matt shouts over him to shut him up. The volume makes Nick and Jamie jump, and they both certainly weren’t envying Alex being on the receiving end of Matt’s anger. “Because you need to hear it!”

“You had a fucking girlfriend and you cheated your best friend into bed.” Matt continues, his anger only getting more intense, “And when you blanked her - only having eyes for Alexa all of a sudden - Y/N could have told Alexa what was going on as soon as she realised that you were already in a relationship… But did she? No. Because she’s always wanted you to be happy. So much so that she put up with you and Alexa for the rest of that tour when almost every night one of us caught her crying.”

“And you think she’s the selfish one.” Matt dryly laughs at that before raising his second finger and continuing to spell it out for Alex, “She was ecstatic for you when you started going out with Arielle.”

Alex tries to dismiss the claims by saying, “Because she was with M-”

“It doesn’t matter if she was with Matty or not.” Matt interrupts, almost wishing to a higher power that he could just make his best friend see what’s right in front of him, “This is about her putting you first. And she always has done.”

His third finger comes up when he says, “She stayed your friend after you called her a slut and a whore when she’d been seeing you, and only you, for months on end.”

Being met with more silence to that, Matt raises his fourth finger, “She still became your best mate after you led her on and got with someone else when you first slept with her too. That’s not sounding selfish of her when she could have just let Joanna carry on cheating as payback, is it?”

Putting his fingers down now, Matt can’t be arsed seeing that there is no remorse at all on Alex’s hard face that hasn’t moved a muscle. His jaw is locked and that’s it. He just looks appalled that the conversation is even happening and that pisses Matt off more.

“To be honest, with your track record it’s a fucking surprise you didn’t lead her on after you fucked in January.” Matt hopes that hurts his friend, along with, “And the fact you didn’t believe her when she told you what Pauline said about Y/B/F, her, and her scars… You’re a fucking disgrace Turner. I’m embarrassed to say you’re my friend.”

Thankfully, Alex is saved by the sound of Amelia running back down the stairs. It momentarily distracts everyone from the suffocating tension in the room as they look down at the little girl who now has her shoes on and her Tangled backpack stuffed to the brim with everything she wanted to take with her.

Matt smiles down at his little girl, and holds his hand down for her to take, “Come on Princess… Did you get your pyjamas?”

Nodding, Amelia goes on to ask excitedly, “Am I having a sleepover at Auntie Y/N/N’s again?”

“You are.” Matt smiles, and the way his little girl jumps up and down.

After a little cheer from Amelia, everyone can see that an idea of some sort must pass through her mind because the little girl stops in her tracks. And no one expects her to take a step towards her Uncle and ask, “Are you coming too, Uncle Alex?”

Alex can’t bring himself to answer her. The fact that the lads didn’t even know he’d gone and stayed the last time played a part in that, but mostly because he didn’t want his goddaughter to be upset.

“No.” Matt answers for him, and drops another pointed statement, “Uncle Alex needs to sort himself out before he sees Auntie Y/N/N again.”

Amelia’s face falls hearing that answer. She pouts looking from Alex back to her Dad and tells the room, “But last time Uncle Alex kissed Auntie Y/N/N to save her from the wicked witch and we all had a sleepover.”

Matt looks from his little girl back to his best mate to see him standing sheepishly in the corner looking to the ground. And he recoils even more when Matt asks, “Did he now?”

And the last sleepover Amelia had with you was back in February, which Matt and the others know to be not long after you and Alex last got together. They can picture the flirting that Amelia wouldn’t really understand. And they could picture Amelia forcing the two of you into a kiss that the both of you truly wouldn’t have minded doing.

Matt forces himself to smile at his daughter and suggest to her, “Well you’ll have to save her this time, won’t you?”

With that Matt walks himself to the lounge door, leaving his daughter to run to his front door and wait for him there. The drummer turns back and tells his best friend sternly, “You better fucking sort yourself out, Alex… Either listen to what we’re all telling you or get off your fucking high horse and just apologise for being a twat to her and have your cake and eat it.”

Looking to the guitarist, Matt asks and nods goodbye, “J, please lock up for me. I’ll see you both at some point soon I’m sure.”

A look of disappointment is the last thing Matt leaves Alex with and after Matt walks out the room stays silent and awkward until they hear a car start and drive away. In that time, Alex collects his thoughts but he doesn’t dare look at his other friends.

They are waiting for him to explode, neither knowing when it will come. But they feel like it’s about to happen.

Surprisingly though, the first thing from Alex’s mouth that they hear is a calm question that at first is directed at the bassist, “Do you feel the same?”

Nick simply nods, not needing to say anything more after Matt just spelled it out for him.

“And what about you?” Alex looks at Jamie.  

“She’s using you, Alex.” The guitarist doesn’t look like he wants to say it but it doesn’t stop him from continuing, “I’m sorry, but it’s the truth and we’re worried about you. And the way you treated Y/N wasn’t okay.”

The singer doesn’t know what more can be said after this. It leaves him with nothing but a full ache in his chest and a lot of thoughts whirring around his mind. The most prominent being that all his so-called friends despise him and hate his girlfriend.

“Where are you going?” Nick asks the singer as he stalks towards the lounge door.

They just about hear Alex’s response before the front door slams shut, “Home.”

~*~*~*~ October 17th 2019 ~*~*~*~

“I still can’t believe both you and Charli did body shots off George at the Leeds after party.” Ross laughs at you.

“I think that night was the best night of my life.” You giggle.

Christ, you never want to forget that night. You definitely bonded with Charli XCX for life and you find yourself thinking about licking the salt for your tequila shots off George’s torso more times than you’re willing to admit. Even more so when you’re drunk, like you currently are.

Tour so far had been really fun and you were so beyond thankful you took the opportunity to join them. It felt like constant life in Manchester but yet there was always something to do or keep you busy.

This specific tour for your boys has been different for them also. Mainly because this time they were recording the rest of Notes On A Conditional Form on the road, so instead of a back lounge like you were mostly used to on tour buses, they had a mini studio setup.

In reality, it turned into Matty and George’s little creative hub. Ross turned up when he needed to and Adam offered his guitar solos that he thought of on the spot after what they initially had come up with and you were a happy bystander for most of it.

However, you tried to leave them to it most of the time so you didn’t interfere with their creative process and you stuck to your own on the table in the lounge. You brought a few sketchbooks with you and some watercolours but you were just doing it mostly for fun and to keep you entertained.

Ross and Adam kept you busy when they weren’t needed to record and Matty and George worked long hours to try and mix and produce everything before sending it off to be mastered. When those two did get some rest though, you found that everything was quite similar to back home.

Matty would chat everyone's ear off and this time with him bringing his VR headset on tour with him, that would keep the lot of you entertained. When you wanted to rest or chill out though, all of them offered you a cuddle on occasion.

You found yourself cuddling up to George most nights when films were put on for you all to watch in the lounge after their gigs. Adam hated witnessing it, and he surprisingly had less complaints when he saw you almost falling asleep on Matty’s shoulder which didn’t make much sense to you. Regardless though, you like teasing your cousin so you’ll cuddle any of them if it conjures an unpleasant reaction with Adam.

George kept yours and his flirting to a minimum, mostly for Matty’s sake but you’re fairly certain that your curly haired brunette is used to it by this point. After the Leeds Fest after party he certainly should be anyway.

“I don’t wanna hear about it.” Adam scorns both you and Ross for bringing the body shot incident back up which makes the both of you drunkenly giggle.

Tonight, you all opted to have a few drinks together as it was a day's drive into the next state to continue to the next show on their tour. You cracked open a bottle of red wine which you and Matty were initially sharing before he disappeared off a few hours ago to write down a few more song ideas in the back lounge.

George and you got flirtier as you got more tipsy which made Adam want to launch himself out and under the moving bus. But unfortunately that came to an end when George fell asleep an hour ago after getting too drunk.

Ross made him go to bed though so the both of you and your cousin could continue drinking without needing to be quiet. And when he did, you did continue on until Adam said he was tired and headed to bed and Ross decided to do the same.

If you hadn’t just cracked open another bottle of wine before they abandoned you, you’d probably do the same, but you’re not one to waste a fresh bottle. So you decide to pour yourself another glass and pour another for your curly haired brunette who you hadn’t seen in a while.

You silently walk through the bunks so you don’t disturb anyone and you head into their studio to find Matty sitting at the desk with his airpods in and he’s scribbling away into what you know to be his lyric book. Straight away you know he’s not spotted you, so you silently put your drinks down in the holders in the desk before you hug Matty from behind.

Your arms go over his shoulders and down around his neck and you bury your head into the top of his. Only when you see Matty abandon his book and he takes his airpods out do you say a soft, “Hey Curly.”

“Hey Sweetheart.” Matty says back just as gently, and his hand comes up to your arm to gently stroke it.

“You okay?” Your question is a little muffled as you bury your face into his curls that currently smell like almonds.

He nods the tiniest bit as he confirms, “Yeah, I’m good thank you.”

“Good.” You kiss the top of his head before you offer him one of the glasses you just put down, “I brought you some wine.”

Matty smiles, “Thank you.” as he happily takes it from you.

You lean against his desk as you take a small sip of your own drink and curiously ask, “How’s the writing going?”

“It’s getting there.” Matty smiles up at you, “Slowly, but I’m getting there.”

You grin and nod at that, not looking at what he’s written because you don’t want to pry. Much like Matty never pries at what poems you’re writing down in your book. However, there is one question on your tipsy mind that you’re sure will get you a fun reaction.

“You writing me another new song, Curly?” You ask with a smile.

Matty can’t help but chuckle, “‘When aren’t I’ is the question you should be asking.”  

“Christ.” You hum, shaking your head in fake disapproval as you take what is usually George's seat just beside him at the desk.  

You’ve come to accept that you’re probably always going to have songs written about you at this point. And as long as they aren’t nasty ones, like you found Too Much To Ask and originally perceived Change Of Heart to be, you don’t particularly mind.

“No, you know I’m not doing it because I’m trying to get you back. You’re happy on your own and I’m really not trying to change that.” Matty swears, and he looks at you like he’s about to blush when he admits, “But people want love songs and you’re my map for love and relationships.”

Whilst that is really heartwarming, you can’t help but remind him, “You had a girlfriend before me, you know?”

“Yeah, but I was in love with you long before and for the whole time I was with her.” Matty explains, “I loved her too but it wasn’t a patch on what I felt for you.”

You can’t help but smile at that because you feel the same. Your curly haired brunette continues to spill his thoughts on the subject, “I’m just glad I got a good basis of what it’s meant to feel like so I can write about it… Least I’m not delivering mixed messages to people because I thought something was love and it wasn’t.”

“Yeah, like me with Peter.” You nod, completely understanding where he’s coming from because you had the complete opposite experience, “I really thought I was so in love with him. It’s comical thinking back to it. It was fully manipulation by the end of it…”

And you’re being entirely truthful when you tell him, “I’ll never be so glad that we kissed that night in your room.”

Your curly haired brunette shakes his head a little, trying not to grin as he sighs, “Still can’t believe you told him and didn’t just break up with him.”

“Maybe I subconsciously knew I needed to get out of it and I wasn’t strong enough to do it myself so I gave him the reason to.” You shrug, really not knowing why.

If anyone treated you now the way Peter treated you at the end of your relationship, you would break up with them in an instant. That shite was something you would in no way put up with today and you wish younger you would have realised that a hell of a lot sooner.

“Maybe.” Matty nods and watches as you take a sip of your wine. He can’t help but ask curiously, “Who’s your basis of love?”

You take a second to genuinely think about it before you start, “I think Kyle was a good map for it. I learned a lot of it from you. Felt it so intensely, I knew we were meant to be even if it was just for the time we were.” Pausing for a second more, you add, “And I learnt a bit from Alex too… I don’t know. Every experience makes up who we are and where it leads us into the next relationship, right? That’s why you keep wanting to write songs about love because it’s changed a bit and it’s different.”

“Yeah,” Matty nods, “I guess so.”

Both of you take another sip of your drinks at the same time then, leaving a comfortable silence between you where you’re both clearly thinking about what you’ve just been talking about. Matty grinning to himself is the only thing that brings you out of it because you nudge him and raise your eyebrows, silently asking, ‘what?’.

“I’ll say it, as long as you know I’m not trying to cause more shit.” Matty says and when you nod, you prompt him to continue, “But if I lost my virginity to you, I’m afraid I would have never let you out of my sight again.”

“Christ,” You can’t help but giggle at this comment. However, you do slightly cringe at your next thought, “I actually dread to think how many times teenage you wanked over me before we actually got together.��

“Oh Sweetheart,” Matty chuckles, “Every day from the moment I met you.”

Shaking your head, you tell him, “You’re mingin’” as you try not to laugh so he can see your disapproval. But it’s too funny not to giggle at.  

Matty grins, “Ah, but you love me though.”

You hum in agreement, compromising with, “I guess you’re bearable now you’re in your thirties.”

“Wow, thank you.” Your curly haired brunette laughs, “What actually made you go for me in the end? Or did I just wear you down?”

Matty can tell you know the answer straight away. But just from the way you look at him, he knows you’re embarrassed to admit whatever it is.

“You want the god's honest truth?” You ask him with an amused look in your eyes.

“Yeah.”

“It was your glasses.” You admit and you feel your cheeks go hot as soon as the sentence leaves your lips.

Matty can’t believe it. He has to ask again, “My glasses?! Are you kidding?”

“No.” You shake your head, and you’re almost hiding behind your glass of wine as you tell him your secrets, “Those thin wired glasses with your curls… There was something about you. You looked older that year too and with the glasses, they just made you really attractive.”

At that point, Matty runs a hand through his curls, and trails off looking to the roof of the bus,  “You’ve gotta be kidding me…”  

“Is it so hard to believe?” You smile, quite enjoying the look of disbelief written across his face.  

“That you let me go through with my laser eye surgery? Yeah.” Matty nods and looks you in the eye like he’ll never forgive you and you can’t help the ugly laugh that leaves your lips.

The comfortable silence comes over the both of you again then. You find yourself thinking about their music again and how incredible it usually is, whether it ends up being happy or sad, but you have to find out for your own peace of mind.

“Is it a sad love song or is it a me and you together song?” You ask after a minute, glancing back to his lyric book that’s still lying open on the side.

“It’s a me and you together song.” Matty smiles at that and very quickly writes something down in his book, but it’s the grin on his face that warms your heart.

Nodding, you don’t pry much into the lyrics he’s written down. Instead you look towards the computer and cheekily ask him, “When do I get to hear it?”

“When it’s finished.” Matty smiles and you chuckle, as you should have expected that response.  

“And when will that be?”

Matty’s smile gets bigger then, and he even closes his lyric book as he asks you, “Since when did you become Miss Impatient when it came to new music.”

“I’m just intrigued by this album.” You tell him truthfully. “It’s different and I’m curious and I like it.”

It’s true. You caught the beginning of a song being recorded that Matty told you afterwards was going to be called Frail State Of Mind and it sounded so different from anything that you’ve heard from them before, you were really intrigued.

“Just prewarn me,” You ask with a grin, “Are all the bops about me again?”

“There’s actually one that’s not about you at all.” Is a sentence from Matty you never expected him to say in the slightest but it made you so excited.

“What?!” You gasp and laugh, “I never thought I’d see the day.”

“Yeah,” He chuckles, “Gabby beat you to it I’m afraid.”

“Damn. Can’t wait to hear that one.” You’re grinning like an idiot at this point.  

But seeing that reaction just makes Matty want to postpone the inevitable so he can continue to see you that happy. So he tells you, “Might make you wait for that one then.”

“Gee, thanks.” You chuckle before finishing off the last of your wine. The bus sways beneath you and you end up in another comfortable silence. But this time you break it and ask, “You know I’m really proud of you, right?”

“I do.” Matty nods and you’re really happy that he knows you’re being sincere when you say it.

After the both of you share the brightest and most heartfelt grin, you ask your curly haired brunette, “Do you wanna stop now and watch True Romance with me?”

“Way to twist my arm Sweetheart.” Matty smiles and stands himself up, before taking your hand and pulling you up with him.

And the both of you cuddle together and watch your favourite film with the bus gently rocking the both of you to sleep.

~*~*~*~ November 5th 2019 ~*~*~*~

“Wheels,” Matty shouts you over from the other side of the shop. As you turn to look at him, you see him wave you over.

When you get close to him, he gestures towards his feet and asks, “What do you think?”

“Oh Christ.” You chuckle as you look down to see he’s got brown cowboy boots on.

Today the both of you were out for a wander around whilst you were in Tennessee. The band has a show in Nashville so you and Matty had gone exploring and of course, Matty being Matty, found a shop that sold cowboy boots so he wanted to go in and look around.

You should have known you couldn’t leave him unsupervised whilst you looked around what else the shop sells without him letting curiosity get the best of him.

“Hey, they look good.” Matty frowns at you playfully as you walk over. He gestures to a woman you hadn’t previously seen (because you were concentrating on his shoes) who's standing not too far from him and he says, “Ella here was just giving me advice on which are the comfiest. What do you think?”

Your eyes move to the woman that you now know to be Ella. She’s pretty, really pretty, and she looks to be around yours and Matty’s age and you can tell that she’s from around here purely because of her outfit, which makes her someone even more stunning.

And you can tell this because she’s not dressed like a tourist like you and Matty are. She’s not in a uniform, showing that she doesn’t work here, and she’s wearing worn cowboy boots (which really suit her), ripped jean shorts, and a nice vintage Gorillaz top on.

She looks a lot more natural here than you do or Matty does in his blue jeans and a white and red Harvard top.

“Best to get your advice from a local rather than me Matty.” You smile at him, and then turn to the girl Matty has clearly befriended and offer her a handshake as you introduce yourself, “Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Y/N.”

“Ella.” She smiles and she doesn’t hesitate to shake your hand, “Nice to meet you.”

Your smile gets bigger when you see that on the top of her right hand, she has a tattoo that reads ‘Pure Desire’. Hot is all that comes to mind when you see that.

You ask her as you let go of her hand, “You’re from around here then?”

“Yeah, born and bred here in Tennessee. I’m not from Nashville though, I’m from Manchester.” She nods, her accent coming out more when she says, “‘Bout an hour South-East from here.”

“No way,” You grin, “He’s from Manchester too. Just the UK one instead.”

“Ah nice.” That brightens Ella’s smile a little.

“What do you do over in this Manchester? Or do you help excited grown men find their perfect pair of cowboy boots often?” You can’t help but tease Matty as you talk to her.

Ella at first laughs off your latter question, saying a quick no before she tells you both, “I actually work as a PA for a company called Focus Creeps in LA. I’m just home visiting family this week.”

“Focus Creeps?” That name really rings a bell and you’re unsure why. You can’t help but ask out loud, “Why do I know that name?”

You’re hoping that maybe Matty will have heard of them, but he shrugs. Christ, he’s really no help at all.

Ella offers an explanation for you, “Well you may have heard of the company because they make music videos, maybe?”

From this, you know that she knows Matty’s in the band, which is cool that she’s being so calm about it. It makes sense considering you know she’s got to be professional for her job if she’s making music videos constantly, amongst other things, with other artists.

“Ah maybe,” You can’t help but pry, “Done any for anyone interesting that we’d have heard of?”

“British artists,” She thinks for a moment before listing a few off, “We've done a few for Peter Perrett, Arctic Monkeys, and King Kurle. People like that.”  

“Ah that’ll be it.” You smile, loving a happy coincidence. You gesture between you and Matty and tell her, “We’re good friends with the lads in Arctic Monkeys.”

Matty nods in agreement and backs you up, telling her as he gestures to you, “She is their best mate since childhood.”

Ella’s face seems to brighten at that, like she’s getting to meet an old friend. She’s almost excited when she says, “Oh god, I think I remember Matt telling me about you… Does he still like to make people feel uncomfortable if they’re embarrassed?”

That confirms to you she knew them a lot better than you would have previously imagined. Matt won’t just embarrass anyone, only people he knows well.

“Oh, all the time.” You laugh, “I’m forever tired of Helders embarrassing me. When did he get you?”

“On pretty much all of their Suck It And See music videos,” Ella grins at the memory, “And when they invited me on that short tour they did before they recorded the R U Mine music video.”

The mention of that particular tour unlocks a memory for you, and you have to ask just to make certain of something, “God, he’s really relentless, isn’t he? How long has it been since you’ve seen them?”

“All together, last time was that video shoot. R U Mine.” Ella confirms it for you and you have to not let a smile slip onto your face, showing that you figured it out.

Thankfully Matty interrupts quickly, not surprising considering you and Ella had become so invested in your own conversation that you almost forgot he was there. Your curly haired brunette tells you, “I’m gunna go pay for these boots whilst you two chat.”

Both of you nod, Ella smiling and you pretending to roll your eyes at his purchase. Matty just knocks his hips into yours though as a silent shut up which makes you laugh as he picks up the box and the shoes he came in with and walks over to the other side of the shop to pay.

“How are they? It’s been so long since I’ve spoken to any of them.” Ella asks you after Matty disappears, “Breana is the only one I’m still in contact with. Didn’t feel quite right reaching out to Matt after everything that went on there at the beginning of the year.”

Knowing what you know now, you feel good enough to tell her the truth considering she clearly knew them well.  

“They are good. Matts doing better, focusing on Amelia. Jamie and Katie are great and Nick is doing great also.” You nod, pleased to tell her everyone’s okay.

Ella subtly blushes when she asks, “And Alex?”

You smile, noting the tint to her cheeks as you’re honest with her and tell her in a little jest, but she knows you’re not joking, “Currently not talking to him whilst he has this new bitch of a girlfriend, but as far as I know he’s alright.”

You’re still annoyed at your other best friend. Still, he isn’t answering your calls, yet he seems to always watch your Instagram stories so you know he’s still ignoring your calls and texts on purpose. However, you’ve been good as of late. You’ve almost stopped trying entirely as you’re sure he’ll come crawling back when he realises how wrong he is about the French bitch.

She nods at that, her cheeks getting slightly less pink when she chuckles, “Didn’t he shave his head?”

You laugh at that and nod, “That was my doing, but I’ve been told it’s growing back now.”

Ella chuckles at that herself, and then you feel compelled to ask her, “How are you? So I can let them know.”

“I’m doing okay, thank you.” She smiles, “Since they last saw me not much has changed. Still loving Focus Creeps and life is good.”

“I’m so glad.” You smile, genuinely meaning every word.

You just know each of the Monkeys would absolutely love the coincidence that you’ve met one of their old friends. And you can’t wait to phone Matt later on and tell him.

“Please send them all my love when you next speak to them or see them.” Ella says with a grin.

“Can send them yourself if you want? I could get your number and pass it on to them if you want?” You offer, “They go through numbers like it’s a lucky dip.”

“Would you?” The whole of her face lights up when she says, “I’d love to speak to them again.”

“Course.” You nod and you get your phone out so she can type her number in.

The both of you chat whilst you’re doing this and afterwards she stays chatting to you. That is until Matty wanders back over to the both of you with his new boots on still and the shoe box now in a carrier bag and on the way back over he must have put a white cowboy hat on which has you shaking your head at him.  

He nods to the bag in his hands and announces to the both of you, “All bought up.”

“Love them.” You entertain him and smile. But you tell him, “You can put the hat down though.”

“Can’t.” Matty grins at you, “Bought it.”

You roll your eyes playfully before saying, “You shouldn’t be left unsupervised.”

Matty chuckles but ignores your comment and looks to your new friend to say, “Thank you for the recommendations Ella.”

“My pleasure. You chose the best place to come.” She smiles, “Hat suits you.”

“Told you Wheels.” Matty gives you a shit eating grin as he nudges you, “Also, sorry to interrupt but I've just seen the time, we’ve gotta run back to the bus.”

You look at the time on your phone quickly and your eyes go wide. It’s 4:30 and you both told the others you were meeting them back at the bus at 5 so you could all go out for a meal.

“Lovely to meet you Ella.” You offer her a big smile.

“Likewise.”

“I promise I’ll pass your number on and good luck with everything Focus Creeps.” You mean every word you say, and you just know, “The lads will be thrilled to know you’re doing well.”

“Thanks so much Y/N.”  

“You know if you’re free tomorrow night you should come to The 1975’s gig.” You offer, knowing Matty wouldn’t mind and it would also give you a friend at the side of the stage.

Ella looks a little taken aback at that, but she gives the both of you a surprised smile and says, “I’d love to, if that’s alright with you?” and double checks with Matty.

“Course,” Matty nods, and he pulls out his phone asking her, “What’s your full name? I’ll text to get you on the guestlist now.”

“Ella Hayes.” She tells him and you make a mental note to tell Matt later.

“Sweet.” Matty smiles and after sending a quick text to Jamie, he nods, “Got you down. We’ll see you tomorrow. We’re playing at Ascend Amphitheatre.”

You also chip in and add, “I’ll text you so you have my number so I can come and bring you in when you get there.”

“Thanks so much.” She grins.  

“No, thank you.” Matty’s got the biggest grin on his face as he says, “I’ve never wanted anything more than cowboy boots and a hat.”

Ella genuinely means it when she says, “Pleasure was all mine.”

“See you tomorrow.” You grin as you and Matty start to head out.

“See y'all tomorrow.” She gives you a little wave and the both of you wave to her before heading out of the shop.

The walk back is about half an hour, so the both of you know that Adam will probably scorn you when you do reach the bus. But you’d had a lovely day out with Matty and you can just blame him for buying cowboy boots and you’re sure Adam will understand and blame your curly haired brunette instead of you.

The both of you chat whilst you walk and you talk about today's adventures and what you were going to have for your tea. But the both of you ended up steering back to the interaction you had not so long ago.

Matty, almost out of the blue, is the one who says, “She’s pretty.”

“Who?”

“Ella.” He confirms.

“She is.” You nod, agreeing entirely. But you encourage him, “You should get her number for yourself tomorrow.”

Matty smiles at that but shakes his head, “I’m fine being a single pringle like you right now. Don’t think my heart could hack another distance thing anyway… Not brave enough for that yet.” From that you know he’s still not quite fully over the hurt that was Gabby leaving. However, in a bit of jest, he adds, “She seems more Alex's type than mine anyway.”

“Funny you should say that,” You grin, finding it funny that it wasn’t just you that noticed. “I remember being told back in the day that they were quite smitten with each other.”

Matty’s jaw drops, “No way.”

“Yeah. Matt told me about the PA from the music videos and how he was relentlessly teasing Alex enough to try and make a move after him and Alexa split.” You tell him what you’re sure you recall. “I believe he took her on a date and from the way she blushed when I mentioned him, I think she’s definitely the one they told me about.”

The coincidence really was insane. And you were sure that she was one of the friends that Breana said that she saw when she came back over here to see her old friends.

Matty says what you’re thinking out loud, “That’s fucking mental she was in the same shop as us.”

“Isn’t it!” You nod.  

Matty agrees, “Like fate or something… And it really is, because I only ended up chatting to her because I saw her ‘Divine Feminine’ tattoo on her thigh when I was sitting down to try the boots on and I said I liked it. It’s really fate, Wheels.”

Any other time, you’d be able to agree with him. But right now, you can’t help but laugh at the sight of him next to you. “Sorry, I can't take you seriously. Take that ridiculous hat off.”

That cowboy hat just looks fucking huge on his head. You can’t stop yourself from giggling.

“No, it suits me.” Matty grins, nudging you playfully as you walk. “I’m going on stage in it tomorrow. Boots as well.”

“Kill me now.” You laugh.  

~*~*~*~ November 11th 2019 ~*~*~*~

Like you thought, the Monkeys - or the ones you’re currently speaking to - were all so happy to get back in contact with Ella. And Ella was such a lovely person to spend time with, you weren’t surprised they wanted her number faster than you could type it.

The night she came to The 1975 gig, the both of you had a blast. You had drinks together and you were dancing at the side of the stage and even on the songs she didn’t know, she had praises to sing about Matty and the other boys.

She blushed when she met George, as most people tend to do and you’re sure it’s the height difference that causes most of it. But the both of you partied away until it was time to say goodbye to one another. It was sad to see her go but you had no doubt if you ever found yourself over in the US again, you’d make an effort to see her.

As for the rest of the 1975’s tour, you had a blast. It was so much fun being with them on the road. You’re a little gutted you’d never experienced it with them before but this tour certainly made up for lost time.

Your favourite day was the day that you and Matty brought your skateboards into the empty arena. The floor being concrete meant that it was so smooth and easy to skate around, it was really fun. You didn’t even stop when the boys were forced on stage to sound check.  

Listening to them and skating around was really fun. And it was even fun once they were pretty much done soundchecking and Matty said down the microphone, “Sweetheart, do a kick flip.”

Being near the front of the pit, you go a little closer to the stage and you shout up, “Do you want me to break my ankle?”

Matty rolls his eyes, and points down to you to say, “Just do it. Unless you’ve lost your touch and you can’t.”

That makes you want to prove your point, so you do as you’re told and you do a kickflip as you skate along the front section of the pit. And then you look up at the band and give Matty the middle finger as a token of your appreciation for his lack of faith in you.

“Damn, she on X-Games mode.” George chuckles the familiar Vine quote over the mic and you giggle at that.

Skating back around you stop in front of the barrier and ask your curly haired brunette, “Happy?”

He nods, grinning like a fool, “Course.”

All of you end up having a little skate around after they have done their soundcheck. Matty had his board with him too so you all shared the two you had. George and Ross were having a go whilst Adam was trying to come up with tonight’s setlist.

Matty and you were sitting on the floor beside Adam, both trying to come up with songs to help him along, but they got stuck on a few that they swapped out every night. You decide to suggest one that you still really enjoy.

You point to the space where a song is missing on the sheet of paper, and say, “I think you should play Antichrist.”

“Not this shit again.” Matty shakes his head, completely against your suggestion.

“It’s a good song.” You argue.

Adam can’t help but smirk watching the both of you. He’s had this conversation more times than he can remember, and he had given up a long time ago, but it’ll be interesting to see if you can change Matty’s mind.

Matty shakes his head like a stubborn child, “I'm not playing it. Especially after that shit Nintendo tweeted me.”

“Why?” You laugh, remembering the tweet fondly, But you’re serious when you tell him, “Everyone wants to hear it. It’s a great song.”

“I don't want to play it.” Matty’s clearly having none of it, and he doesn’t even give you room to argue.

“But Matty, it-”

“‘But Matty’ nothing.” He shakes his head, and he tries to be nice and smiles as he states, “Not happening Sweetheart, sorry.”

You start questioning why at that point and arguing your point of why people want to hear it and the noise of the both of you arguing has George and Ross stop skating and listen in. After a minute through, it strikes back memories that Ross clearly wasn’t a fan of.

“Christ,” The bassist sighs, “It’s like they’re back together.”

“Don’t manifest that,” George scolds him and gives him a dirty look. “She’s my wife.”

Ross laughs at that, reminding him, “Matty didn’t let you anywhere near that chapel in Vegas so I don’t think so.”

Before George can respond, Adam’s voice calls out above everyone’s and draws all eyes to him.

“I know how we can decide.” And when all eyes land on your cousin, he suggests as he looks at you, “You and Matty. Race to the barrier. First one there gets to decide what song it is.”

A smile comes on everyone's face when they hear that, and the rest of them watch as you and Matty look at each other and grin. “You’re on.” You smirk.

Matty gets himself up, “Fine, let's go.”

He offers you his hand to help you up which you gladly take. However, you shouldn't have because the dickhead lets your hand go as soon as you start to pull on him for help and he lets you fall back to the ground.

“Dick.” You scorn him as he laughs at you and you get yourself up so he can’t play anymore mind games.

Giving him evils, you make your way over to Ross who has your skateboard which he happily hands over to you and encourages you to win. It's Adam who decides that the race will be from the sound desk to the front barrier so you all head over there to begin the race.

Matty gets his board from George and you assume your gentle giant is giving your curly haired brunette some words of advice for the race. Much like Ross is bigging you up for it.

However, as it turns out, foul play was being thought up because seconds after Adam counted you down and started the race, you were winning. And you were sure you were going to win easily, or that was until you felt arms wrap around you from behind and lift you clean off your skateboard and start spinning you around.

Of course you shouted, “What the fuck, no!” so loudly the arena echoed with it as it was empty. Feeling the strong arms around you and seeing that fucking snail tattoo on his wrist was enough for you to realise that George had clearly ran behind you and sabotaged your race so Matty would win.

It was painful seeing your skateboard roll to a gentle stop whilst Matty made it to the barrier on his and started celebrating his win. His victorious look as he started coming back over to where George is still holding you captive.

“You’re cheats!” You shout as he walks back over and you can hear all of the boys laughing. Even Adam and Ross from somewhere behind you.

Matty’s smirk is teasing when he asks, “Why’ve you gotta be a sore loser, Wheels?”

“I’m sick of you.” You scorn him.

You’re almost pouting at this point. All of this because you wanted to hear Antichrist live.

“Nah, you love us.” Matty comes up to hug you from the front, sandwiching you between him and George.

“Yeah,” You grin, not minding the bodies you’re stuck between in the slightest, and you laugh,  “I guess I really do.”

~*~*~*~ November 22nd 2019 ~*~*~*~

Getting off the plane and back onto UK soil was a feeling like no other after travelling around America with your 1975 boys. Leaving Heathrow and getting your own taxi back to your flat in London was so peaceful.

Politely declining to get the taxi with any of the boys, your own taxi got you back to your flat in Kentish Town from Heathrow in a little under an hour in the evening traffic. You didn’t mind the drive at all, you were just glad to be back in familiar settings and you couldn’t wait to get back home to sleep in a proper bed.

You’d had the best time and you made some amazing memories that you would never forget. But you can’t wait for a week at home doing absolutely fuck all.

The first thing you did when you got to your flat was dump your case in your room and then you stripped yourself off and proceeded to have a shower. You stayed in for a solid half an hour just enjoying the hot water with good water pressure whilst you listened to music.

And all the while, you couldn’t help but think about how excited you were to eventually get out and into your pyjamas. In there you also decided that tonight you’d be treating yourself to a massive scran as you were going to order yourself a dominos along with a McDonalds hamburger and 20 chicken nuggets.

Just after you get out of the shower, you see how gorgeous the sunset is over the distant London skyline you can see from your flat and of course you have to capture it. Taking a picture of it, you put it on your Instagram story saying, Glad to be back home 🇬🇧, and then you get yourself dressed into your comfy pyjamas.

Tonight, after you unpack, you plan on doing nothing other than staying under a blanket as you eat takeout food and watch shit British TV. However, just after you chuck a load of washing into the washer, your phone starts ringing.

You answer the phone, seeing as it’s Matt calling and you’re pleased to hear his voice again after a little while of not chatting to him.

“Hey Helders.” You smile as you answer your phone.

His voice is just as jolly as yours when he replies, “Heya Cupcake.”

“How you doing?” You ask him, “God, I haven't spoken to you since Tennessee.”

Course you texted. But the last time you spoke to him and heard his voice was when you went on facetime to him before The 1975 went on stage so he could say a proper hello to Ella, or Ellie as he tended to call her.

“Yeah good thanks,” You can hear his smile, and still just how excited he is when he brings up that he’s, “Still not over you meeting Ella to be honest. That's mad.”

“I know, and she’s so lovely too... Shame on you for not keeping in contact. I’m still messaging her.” You pretend to scorn him before the conversation moves on.

“Surprised you didn’t try to pull her, to be fair.” Matt chuckles.

You laugh, “Believe me Matt, after finding out she was single, it was really hard not to.”

After laughing some more, he asks you about how the rest of the touring was with your boys and how different it was to touring America with him and the lads. You give him every anecdote he’s after and you find that an hour flies by before you even realise it.

You spend a while asking about updates on Amelia and what they had been up to before he tells you about how good Katie and Jamie are doing as well as Nick and Kelly. And then you find out some interesting news about Alex.

“You’ll never believe it.”

He can’t leave you with that, so you have to ask, “What?”

And it sounds like a sigh of relief when he tells you, “He’s not with her anymore.”

Your jaw drops. Fucking finally.

“Since when?” You wonder.

“Since her single came out two weeks ago and then last week she suggested they have some time apart.” Matt tells you and it boils your blood.

You fucking knew it would happen. And you wish you could have saved him the last 6 months of his time with her. What an evil fucking bitch.  

“I fucking hate the cow.” Matt can hear the anger in your voice when you say that.  

He agrees instantly, “So do we.”

“Is he okay? I’ve still not heard anything from him.” You have to ask, because at the end of the day you still care about him even though after everything, you really shouldn’t at this point.

Matt informs you, “He’s just quiet. Living in his head a lot. Can tell he’s devastated though.”

“Not surprising, he’s probably heartbroken.” You sigh, knowing Alex must be going through a tough time of it right now, wherever he may be.

“Seems so… Maybe he’ll answer your phone calls now.” He sounds hopeful but you reject the idea immediately.

“I’m not trying anymore. I gave up trying a month ago.” You tell him and Matt can hear the sadness in your voice when you mention it.

“Don’t blame you.” Matt says before changing the subject back to the tour, “So, tell me what this was about George spilling things all over his bag?”

It’s another half an hour then that you’re talking for and in that time you get a text from Matty saying that he’s found the new blazer you bought in his suitcase. You responded, telling him that you’d pick it up tomorrow but when your doorbell goes you assume he just can’t live without you and he’s ended up calling round with it to drop it off.

You sigh, telling Matt, “Gunna have to go Helders, think Matty’s come to drop off something I left with him by accident. I’ll call you back tomorrow.”

“No worries Cupcake, I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Love you, bye.” You say as you get yourself up and you wait for his bye before you hang up the phone and pull your door open.

But when you do, your heart stops.

Instead of your curly haired brunette, you find that behind your door is the person you’ve been dying to see for months. Your heart breaks a little seeing him standing there in front of you, his hair a fucking mess because it’s not yet long enough to style and his eyes red and swollen from the tears he’s clearly been letting out.

Alex looks broken standing there in front of you and when he turns to look at you and his eyes meet yours, he takes in the biggest, shakiest breath as if seeing you meant that he was finally able to breathe again. There were tears already in his eyes and your heart hurt seeing him in pain.

Before you can even comprehend what’s happening, you both go to hug each other at exactly the same time as if you’d not seen each other in 6 years instead of over 6 months. Your arms fly around his neck whilst his wrap around your waist.

Alex dips himself down a bit to do that and he hoists you up into his arms as he walks into your flat. You bury your head into his neck as you feel overwhelming emotions take you over as your throat seems to choke up. You lock your ankles around his waist to ensure you stay in the position and as close to him as possible. You don’t want the hug to end.

He kicks the door shut behind him and walks to wherever he wants to go, even though his head is in that much of a state he doesn’t really think about where he’s going himself. You’re too caught up with him hugging him tightly, your head buried into his neck, to see or care where he was taking you.

Just the fact that he’s back means the world.

You don’t care when your back hits your bedding and Alex keeps his weight on top of you. You certainly don’t care that the position probably looks compromising, even though it really wasn’t like that. He’s back and you’re delighted yet entirely too emotional to process it.

“I’m sorry.” You choke out, not even realising your crying, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

As soon as the singer hears that, he picks his head up and he starts shaking it. “Don’t apologise for anything.” He’s crying too, looking into your eyes to tell you that he knows, “I’m the idiot. I’m so unbelievably sorry, Y/N.”

“You should be, you dickhead.” You pull him back into the hug, hiding your face into his neck again as you cry, “Christ, I can’t believe I’ve got you back.”

“You’ll always have me back.” He promises, before profusely apologising again and going on to plead, “Please forgive me. I'm so so sorry for everything I said and more.”

“You’ve got a lot of apologising to do.” You tell him through your tears but you can’t stop clutching him.

The feeling of him hugging you so tightly, even though you’re trapped in it as his arms are behind your back against the mattress, is something you’ve missed so much. You’ve not had a hug from your best friend in over 6 months.

“I know.” Alex chokes out and the both of you cry for a little longer.

When Alex moves so he can look at you again, he tells you, “I love you.” and you don’t know if he thinks you’re about to panic at what he said, but he quickly adds, “Not in that way. But in our way… I love you so much, Angel.”

And of course, you understood that completely. Your tears don’t slow down much as you just about choke out, “I love you too. I’ve missed you. So fucking much.”

“You’ll never know how much I missed you,” Alex ends up burying his head into your neck as he cries a little more, “I’m so, so sorry.” and you hold him the tightest you ever have.

After a while, the both of you end up sitting on your bed to talk it all through. And you’ve never seen him so upset when he apologises for not believing what his ex said about your scars.

You understand not wanting to believe it, because from the heartbreak that’s clear in his voice and his body language, you could tell just how much he loved her and how real it was for him. It’s a shame she wasn’t the person who she originally made out to be, but you know Alex will be far better off without her.

The amount of apologies you heard were endless and they spanned the whole night, even through to when his tears dried up. And you can tell just by the way he’s acting with you that you know he knows he’s done wrong and that you’ll both be able to fix what happened between you.

You apologised for how you acted and for how you said things, but you didn’t apologise for telling the truth and Alex again told you just how much he regrets not believing you. And closer to the end of the subject, you tell him honestly what upset you most.

“It hurt a lot when you said that about my art and how you thought I use you to promote my stuff because I would never do that.” You’re completely honest with him, and you have to soften your voice so it doesn’t sound like you’re getting choked up at the thought of it, “Don’t you think I just wanted a picture with my best friend at the first gallery of mine you’d ever come to?”

“Yeah, of course you would want that.” Alex nods and sniffles, as he picks up your hand so he can squeeze it, “I want that. I’m so sorry I ever said that shit. I honestly don’t think that of you.”

And Alex is being entirely genuine with you when he retracts everything he insinuated about him giving you your career, “I did fuck all to help you where you are today, you did it all yourself. You're the most impressive self-made person I know and I’m sorry I got so nasty to say otherwise.”

Hearing him say that he didn’t think that of you felt like a big weight taken off your chest. And because you knew you were both slowly drawing to a close you talking about it all tonight, you keep your response light.

“I wouldn’t go that far.” You chuckle, “You know John Cooper Clarke.”

Alex chuckles at that and leans a little closer to you to whisper, “Secretly, I think you’re better.”

“Thanks,” You laugh, “You idiot.” and that small smile that makes its way onto his face warms your soul.

At this point, it really comes to a head just how much you’ve missed him. Laughing with him, having a joke with him, even being this close to him and seeing him.

You can’t really stop yourself before leaning in and trapping him in a hug. The both of you know you’ve got a long way to go to get back to how you were, but you’ve done it before and you’re sure you will do it again.

Hugging your best friend tightly, you don’t hesitate to tell him, “I love you, Shakespeare.”

A hug has never felt so great to Alex, and he intends to keep you trapped in it for as long as possible. As his arms tighten that bit more around you, he whispers in your ear, “I love you too, Angel.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: AHHHHH!!!!!! You got to let me know if I've managed to sway any teams? Matty or Alex????? Curly or Shakespeare???? What do we think will happen next??? Have we forgiven them both? Where are our heads at? I'd love it if you let me know! Thanks a million for reading, really hope you enjoyed the chapter x

Quick sidenote: Ella is a main character from a different fic that you’ve not yet been blessed with and I felt like I wanted to get the fic multiverse started. So, this is your first little tease of Ella and I’ve got no doubt at all that you’re all going to love her as much as I do. @alovesreading​ is a genius and I’m very excited for her to eventually share her first Alex fic with you all x

Taglist: @psychkunox​​​​​ @sofiaaraee​​​​​ @thewheeler​​ @cold-hands-cold-eyesss​​​​​ @xovalliegirlxo​​​​​ @vroboat​​​​​ @hoodskillerqueen​​​​​ @woahhealy​​​​​ @emmaheg1005 @belledawnidk​​​​​ @elen-alambil​​​​​ @megann-duff​​​ @alexsvacuumcleaner​​​​​ @bshelley322​​​​​ @g0thwat3rr​​​​​ @cassieinnit​​​​​ @ohmyolympusssywp​​ @filling-thevoid​​​​ @xqueenkt​​​​​ @indierock4ever @amturners​​​​​ @alovesreading​​​​​​

Add yourself to the taglist with the link in the Masterlist!

[signiorbenedickofpadua]

20 questions for fic writers!

I was tagged by both @honeyteacakes and @acedragontype. Thank you my dears!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

7 right now. I think I had three or four up on my first account, but that one was randomly deleted by the site in like 2019? Or something? I never could get it back, and I never republished the fics, because I kind of lost motivation for writing for a while because of that, and now that I'm back in the game, it's been so long since I wrote that stuff that I either don't really like what I wrote then, or figure that I'd rather rewrite the one fic that I do still like. Oh, god. I just remembered that there was ONE fic that I actually orphaned back then, which means that it's still up. Oooh Christ... I'm not going to name drop it, because I orphaned it for a reason - the reason being that it's the crackiest crac!fic imaginable, born out of sleep deprivation and giggly group chats... I'm looking at it now, and it's apparently 10 years old. Oh. Oh no. I reread it. Oh, god. This was the first "attempt" at smut I ever wrote, and it was between a woman and a sentient inanimate edible object. 8d10 psychic damage, do not recommend.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

At the moment: 296.290 words When I'm finished updating This Dream Is Over (Another Has Begun) it will be around 350.000 words, and I just hit 105k on the Regency fic I'm working on, so by the end of the year we might be close to 500k... written in one year...

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just Sandman, currently. On my last account I wrote for Merlin, ACD Sherlock Holmes (a school project, believe it or not), and a LotR/HP crossover (yeah, I don't really feel like re-publishing and finishing that in 2023, for obvious reasons). I might go back to writing for Merlin again, some day. I sort of want to rewrite that one fic I did post, because I quite liked the premise...but I feel like I would need to rewatch the entire series before I did that, and who's got the time?

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. My Stranger, My Dream - 1507 2. Totus Mundus Agit Histrionem - 818 3. Yours for the Taking - 579 4. Body and Soul, Always and Forever - 565 5. Stay, Just this Once - or - GroundHob Day - 499

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to reply to almost every comment, because I want the commenter to know how much I appreciate that they took the time to comment. I crave that validation, perhaps a little too much, but that's robably common with authors... When I'm updating a fic one chapter at a time, I usually manage to reply to all of them, even if it's just with a couple of heart emojis (if I couldn't think of anything else), but once the whole fic is up and I get one reader who is leaving a bunch of comments in rapid succession, I sometimes skip the one's that are just emojis or exclamation marks and focus on the ones I have real replies to - not because I don't appreciate the emojis just as much, but because I worry that I'd be spamming the reader with like five identical heart-emoji replies :P

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hm, I tend to end things rather happily, but I suppose Stay, Just this Once could be read a bit angsty, since it ends with Hob in 1889 going "Dream kissed me and then left with an implication of potential future kisses? Oh boy, I can't wait until 1989!" when, you know, Dream won't show in 1989.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably This Dream Is Over. I mean, they're all pretty happy, but that one is just so hopeful and soft... You'll see what I mean when I post the last chapter ;)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really. There was one reader who left a couple of comments with very much unasked-for advice (and fairly bad advice, at that) which made me feel a bit meh, but that's hardly hate. Then there was this one comment that went a bit like "Well, that was stupid," and to this day I have no idea if they meant the writing or the characters (who were, to be fair, being very stupid in that chapter). Tone can be very hard to read in text, so I'm trying to give them the benefit of doubt. But no, no real hate, thankfully.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yup. When I started writing again about a year ago, I decided to give it a try, not really thinking I could make it work, considering the last time I wrote romance I had trouble even describing a kiss (which was almost a decade earlier), but it actually worked (I hope)! Then I just couldn't seem to write something without smut. I tried to deliberately leave things off before the explicit parts in one or two stories (making them "just" mature) for people who aren't into the stuff, and I also try to make all the explicit content skippable for those who want to read the rest of the story. What kind of smut? Idk, I've written M/M and M/F so far, I'll probably write F/F at some point too. I think most of it has been fairly vanilla so far, with some light themes of BDSM maybe, if you squint.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Only that LotR/HP one I mentioned earlier, which I abandonded when my account was deleted. I did start planning a Star Trek AU for Merlin, but I think I only wrote a chapter or so before my motivation died and I never published anything. I think I'm generally more interested in AUs taking place in other franchises than "real" crossover with actual characters from both universes.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge. Let's keep it that way!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not yet! I suppose I could do it myself, but as the only language I speak well enough to translate into is Swedish, and Swedes tend to read stuff in English anyway, I don't know that there would be much of a point.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I'd be open to trying! Could be either super fun or incredibly frustrating, but you never know until you try!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I mean, I think it's a draw between Merthur and Dreamling. If I went back and started reading and writing fic for Merthur again, I'm sure I'd fall right back into it, even if Dreamling is my current obession.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Only the couple of WiPs I have from my first AO3 account, I think. I'm trying really hard this time around not to jump between projects too much, but finish what I have before I start something new. If I give myself free reins, my ADD is going to make sure nothing ever gets finished.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, for sure, and characterisation - or at least I fervently hope that my readers would agree on that point.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions, definitely. What does anyone look like? I don't know, I couldn't decide, make it up yourself. I had to go back and make myself add a sentence about Hob's friend Dana being blonde in the last two chapters of This Dream Is Over, since she's an OC and my readers would have no idea at all what she looked like otherwise. It's a struggle, and I do try to practise, but it doesn't come as easy as dialogue and character.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Fun! I've written a few scenes with some Middle English in them, and I have this vague idea of part of a scene where Hob and Dream are walking in London or something and Hob overhears a couple of Swedish tourists discuss how to get somewhere or something, and him turning to them and giving them directions in hilariously outdated Swedish, and Dream going, "When did you last visit Scandinavia?" And Hob says, "Um, 1745, I think. Why?" and Dream is like, "...Nothing." I just don't know how funny that would be to readers who don't speak Swedish... Might still use it some day.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Technically? The Redwall series. I was like 10 and we had to write a story in school, and I was obsessed with Redwall and wanted to write something with talking animals, and I couldn't come up with a better name for the place, so in the end I straight up copied the world and wrote more or less a self-insert who ended up there, entirely oblivious to the concept of fanfiction, but I suppose it counts anyway. I won a prize for it. I have no idea if the adults who judged it knew it was fanfic or not...

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I think it's the Dreamling Regency AU I'm currently working on. If I manage to pull it off as well as I'm hoping to, I think it will be the best thing I've written so far. I'm even considering looking for beta readers for the first time, because I think it has potential and I want it to be the best it can be.

21. CHEEKY EXTRA QUESTION BECAUSE I FELT LIKE GIVING ADVICE - What's the best advice you have for other writers?

If you write longfic, NAME YOUR CHAPTERS! My first couple of fics just had numbered chapters, and whenever I had to go back to double check some detail, or rewrite some sentence I had to retcon, I had to be like "uuuh I think it might be chapter five??" and then waste a bunch of time checking. Now, I have chapter titles which are descriptive enough to remind me of exactly what the chapter is about, and it has made my life so much easier... Also, connected to this, actually using the chapter headers etc. in your word processor so that you get a list of chapters you can pull up to navigate.

Tagging:

@pellaaearien, @arialerendeair, @hardly-an-escape, @ml-nolan

[queenimmadolla]

Babes, i need to know what’s up with heather holloway lmao! Why are you do obsessed with her? Its def not a bad thing, just curious :)

I BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE, here’s why i love Heather :)

One major thing is the injustice and lack of acknowledgment she gets from the fandom. ST3 came out in 2019 when fake feminism was on the edge of retirement, not kept quite as in check as it has been since 2020 *shoutout to drew afualo and the mass of people who decided it was finally time to defend women and female characters*—i know if she had been introduced in st4 she would have gotten the love and defense she deserved like Chrissy has—stemming in this case from the hate Heather and her actress received from billy fans back then because they interpreted her as a possible love interest for him and hated her into pretty much non-existence. Some people had the audacity—and still do—to approach her actress and tell her she looks plain and not very pretty. She’s got a decent amount of screen time, a pretty badass role as an unwilling side villain and I cannot figure out for the life of me why she’s forgotten about. Especially since she was a pretty big part of the plot for ST3. The fandom treated her very much so like the older women at the community pool did.

And it just breaks my heart that two younger girls Heather didn’t know were the only ones in the entire town that noticed she was missing and cared enough to notice something wasn’t right with her (not even her parents noticed she was different, though you can see with their comfortable family portrait that while they might not have known her very well, they still genuinely loved her and she loved them) and when she didn’t show up to work, none of her coworkers gave a fuck about her. So, that tells me she wasn’t really popular.

It wasn’t until after st4 came out and i rewatched the entire series, that i developed my obsession with her because i noticed my absolute favorite thing about her: she’s not anything special, she’s just a teenage girl who wasn’t popular, didn’t grab the attention of her hot co-worker, wasn’t his love interest, sat down with her mom and dad for dinners and was criticized by older women for simply existing. She was a normal teenage girl, just like i was. And it’s kind of self-deprecating to admit it, but there have been plenty of times where i thought if i would have gone missing, no one would notice and it made me really sad to notice that was the case with her.

I also love the symbolism with her being a lifeguard and how she went to Billy’s aide when she thought he was in trouble, even if it got her killed in the end. Don’t even get me started on the fact that her occupation is one that makes people need her (always have to have a lifeguard on duty), makes me think she might have gone for the job because of that. She’s not popular, doesn’t have a whole lot of friends but now she’s needed somewhere, she’s got a place. And the experience i got with Eddie was very similar to the one i got with Heather, I honestly thought she would survive. El and Max were trying to save her and everyone, so surely if the main characters were trying to help her, she’d prevail, right? No. She died a horrible, gruesome death.

And other than a quick name drop in st4, she was forgotten about. There was no Nancy like character to seek revenge on her behalf, no Joy Byers character to mourn her loss, no Murray character in her life to miss her as a friend. She’s just gone.

Naturally, what with me favoring the underdogs, I feel the need to protect and defend her, and maybe give her some justice. Which is why the Reader in Cruel Summer is based ENTIRELY on my interpretation of Heather, I actually debated on just writing a Heather/Eddie fic, but I was pretty sure it’d go largely ignored because it’d be about Heather, and i was afraid more people would hate her if I paired her with Eddie, so I went the Reader route. But all those character traits about Reader in it, Reader’s portrayal, everything, is how I imagine Heather Holloway. She deserved so much freaking better. If you try to scroll through her own damn name tag, you’ll find she’s still somehow barely in it. VERY FEW, and i mean FEW edits, pictures, anything about HER. IN HER OWN TAG! It’s been almost five years and you can still barely find a trace of her. Even KEITH gets more recognition. Fucking Keith who doesn’t have a last name and has less screen time in all of stranger things than she had in one season of it.

YEAH. WHEW, that’s a lot. That is a lot of information. But thank you for letting me rant about her, again lmao. Anyways, everyone pay more attention to Heather.

[leagueofgardens]

Assault Lily × Ludvico Private Girls' Academy: The Blade of Truth

For obvious reasons, I'm not writing the full title of the play.

Ever since The Gleam of Dawn had its run earlier this year, my opinion has been that it was the best individual one of the Assault Lily stage plays, but the Ludvico quartet (in their revival versions when those existed) are the best series. And though The Blade of Truth was by no means bad and a worthy finale to the series, my opinion hasn't changed.

Extensive spoilers for the play below. Don't click unless you want to be spoiled! (Also, I talk about death, so a content warning for that.)

The Blade of Truth is actually the only one of the Ludvico stage plays that I've watched the original 2019 performance of, because there was no alternative at the time I was first watching the series. It was… okay. Definitely rough compared to the revivals, but I wasn't sure how much of it was inherent and how much was because of the lower budget those plays were working with.

It turns out that at least a little of it was inherent, but I'll focus on what was good first.

BoT 2023 (I'll abbreviate it as that from now on) was excellently produced. Assault Lily's stage tradition of projecting video onto the stage came out crystal clear, for nearly the first time ever, and was used to great effect every scene it happened in.

Though the choreography wasn't quite as fancy as The Gleam of Dawn's, it was frequently impressive, and the playwright/director duo of Sakuragi Sayaka and Hayashi Shuuji elevated their trademark of simultaneous scenes to new heights by occasionally having important conversations take place on one half of the stage while battles occurred on the other.

The story was an improvement over the 2019 version with a variety of small changes to the script, and possibly also thanks to the years of extra experience the actresses and staff have. Asahi and Nagisa were adorable together, the flashback scenes with Kazane made her feel less like just Mirai #2, Ichika and Karen both got even cooler, Himari was a lot more likeable, and Nonoka's scenes were somehow even funnier.

In the back half, Professor Amamiya "installing" himself into Kosaka the same way various other characters have makes a lot more sense than the 2019 version's brain transplant. I feel really bad for Kosaka, since she seems to momentarily regain her original personality just before she dies… well, no one ever said Assault Lily stories have happy endings for everyone.

Also, Pius seems to have mostly recovered from whatever issue they had in 2022 where the stage cameras and microphones precipitously dropped in quality (maybe Bushiroad gave them loaners and took them back when they pulled out of the Assault Lily project?)

What wasn't so great? Well, it's an ongoing thing with the Ludvico series, but the plain-looking hairstyles/costumes and boring CHARMs are disappointing coming from the other stage plays. They provide the advantage that they avoid having the occasional ugly-as-sin wig (like Kasumiko's in The Gleam of Dawn,) but I wish the crew had at least used different shades of natural hair so the characters are easier to tell apart. I don't see why Yuko couldn't be a blonde and so forth.

In BoT 2023, a reasonable amount of characters have custom CHARMs (or at least less common ones like Kazane's Triglav,) but I'll be quite happy if I never see another Dainsleif Carbine or Gungnir Carbine again in my life.

I'm still not a fan of The Blade of Truth's plot, particularly the second half. I've always been disappointed by Assault Lily's dull villains and feel that Toda Kotohi is the only one, in any part of the media mix, who's genuinely a great character. A bunch of nuns and Kosaka-sensei repeatedly screaming "This is for the good of humanity!" haven't changed my mind on that.

The fights were really cool, and Makabe and Kosaka in particular have their moments, but I wish we knew more about what they were actually trying to accomplish instead of them just seeming crazy.

While Sakuragi may have felt she couldn't make a change that drastic to the script in a revival, I think Ichika should have died when Makabe shot her. It really undermined the impact of that moment when she was just fine later, and more broadly I feel that Assault Lily's aversion to allowing even a single Lily to die in the present clashes badly with how its strongest plotlines are based on the deaths of characters in the past, like Mirai.

If Yuria had died in the previous Ludvico play, that would be fine too. Just kill someone. Anyone!

I feel very edgy saying that, but I really believe AL tests the limits of our disbelief with how everything, all of a sudden, always turns out just fine for the Lilies. (Unless you're a teacher, in which case you have a 75% chance of dying horribly.)

Anyway. BoT 2023 is a solid play, not the best Assault Lily stage play and not the best Ludvico one either (I think that's probably Schwester's Secret), but well worth watching. Don't miss it… though it's a little late to say that now.

[stanleyl]

I know you’ll probably don’t respond to this but… as a Tom fan, I’ll be very honest. I feel like the fandom isn’t being truthful and there has been a lot of dissatisfaction around him for a while but won’t say it because they don’t want to come off as antis. But I think it’s okay to have different opinions and have some critics.

as a Tom fan, it’s been so exhausting how everything about him has become his romantic relationship. it didn’t bothered me at first but now it’s unbearable. For 2 years now, he isn’t perceived as an actor, just “the boyfriend”. he only trends or makes headlines related to his relationship. Before making the relationship public, he had a whole set of opportunities. He was a movie star in the making, everyone was waiting for his next move outside of the MCU. By 2019, he was already the lead of two movies with huge box office numbers and with active participation in the Avengers. One of the most talked about movies ever. And what have we gotten ever since? TDATT was his last good movie and that’s a fact a lot of the fandom doesn’t want to admit. And that came out 4 years ago.

I feel like a lot of people on the fandom doesn’t want to admit Tom is around people that don’t push him to consider his career Post-Marvel as long as they get the benefits from his MCU checks. And most of his team aren’t really building his career with a strategy in mind. The whole “lead action hero” agenda that his team tries to push only limits him. And I also think Tom lets himself get carried away by a lot of people like the Russo Brothers. Doolittle and Onward were cute but didn’t do much for his career. And I’m sure he only did Doolittle because of RDJ. And the movie flopped.

Chaos Walking was the worst decision he could’ve made because everything about it screamed that it was going to tank. But his team wanted him to be the face of a new franchise so bad. And it’s not like it was a super obscure genre that people don’t tend to watch - it was a young adult sci-fi movie but it was so bad Lionsgate had it as a tax write off. He missed on the lead for 1917 for this movie.

Following that, he did Cherry with the Russo Brothers and that wasn’t good at all. Yes, Tom’s acting was great but the movie was hardly of quality. It shouldn’t have existed in his discography and it’s because of his dependence with the Russo brothers that he got stuck with that script. After a year of bad movies outside of the MCU, comes NWH that quickly becomes a box office success but it’s also overshadowed by his relationship and the rumored cameos. I guess it was smart that Uncharted and NWH came out close because it helped the box office but even when I thought the movie was fun, it further typecasts Tom into those type of roles and I feel it goes with his team wanting him to be the “lead action hero” instead of going for smaller things as some actors do to slowly break out from a character.

After a long time, he drops TCR and again, I think his acting was great but the series as a whole was hard to get through. It definitely got ignored by the strike since he couldn’t promote it. But then again, the only viral tweets I saw about this show were in relation to his personal life. Not once about Tom as an actor.

I’m happy he is going back into theater and maybe he finds himself inspired again with what made him love acting. But after that? Uncharted 2? The confirmation of another Spider-Man trilogy? I really hope the Paul A biopic is still in place because this could turn around his career in another direction.

And yes, I know that not everyone wants to have a critically acclaim career and at the end of the day i am not here to dictate that- i understand he doesn’t like the industry and he is allowed to take time away from that, but I’ve been saying it for years - i think his team should allow him to do silly movies or movies w great directors and assemble cast where he isn’t the lead role. he could do a secondary character in a great movie and maybe he won’t feel too pressured by that but gets to build more experiences. florence pugh was 5 minutes in oppenheimer. a lot of huge actors do small roles in movies. why can’t he do the same?

tom has become really all about his relationship while his peers that didn’t have half the accolades than him, have been able to rise into a more established career in matter of 2 years. all while their relationship not being the main focus.

No, I'm posting, lol.

I think this whole viral stuff you guys are talking about is only a problem on Twitter. I get what you're saying, but he goes viral on TikTok for many reasons, even golf lol. The most viral stuff about TCR was those scenes from ep8, so where this narrative is coming from?

I agree with what you said about his team, 🤷🏽‍♀️.

I think most fans are just tired of constantly hate and unnecessary career discussions every two weeks coming from people who don't watch his projects and are always comparing him to other dudes, when we're barely getting anything from him and he hasn't been cast in a movie in 3 years, hasn't been on a movie set for 2 years. They cannot praise these other guys without mentioning him and it's annoying.

Also, fans who say he doesn't care about critics, aren't lying to themselves, he clearly does. What actor doesn't want positive feedback? He's still campaigning for an award even tho he probably won't get nominated again (I'd love to be proven wrong, but still).

[books-are-my-life-stuff]

Seeing so many anime nowadays getting production issues and delays, I'm really glad that Mob Psycho 100 is not one of them.

It's worth mentioning that the animation producer is often the one to blame for production issues as they are the one who bring the anime staff together (I recommend checking this thread since it brought up the recent case of Nier anime’s indefinite delay, 86 anime's notorious delays and many episode recaps that happened a while ago), so it's not always the studio's fault or the staffs’ fault. Digging through more information and sources before assuming what happened/blaming someone for something bad happening within the production is always good.

I am reminded of Wonder Egg Priority and how they had to ask help from many people all around the world just to complete the episode hours before airing, and the plot going completely off the rails, the staffs were overworked so much they went to the hospital (I believe it's either one of the animators or the director, I don't remember), and the final episode was delayed one month before it concluded with many mixed reactions. It started off great, like a passion project beloved by many, but it didn't last long before it started crumbling apart nearing the end.

Production issues have always been happening a lot since a long time. It's not something that has only happened in recent years. Anime industry is a complicated and harsh place. Animation producers like Kadokawa is aiming to produce 40 anime per year, which resulted studios unable to handle the project and many staffs are being overworked. Even Revue Starlight anime, despite managing to finish the series without a significant drop of quality or delays, was also known to have a lot of production issues behind it, even the chief animation director said "it's a miracle that we managed to finish the show".

Let's look back to Mob Psycho, and let's see how "far ahead" the production is. The second season trailer was released one month before its broadcast in January 2019, and it already has many footages up to Episode 8. And the third season trailer that's released before its broadcast, which showed footages and voicelines all the way to episode 12. Rumor has it that S2 had finished production a while before it aired in Winter 2019, but it’s never specified when, while S3 had finished its production in Spring 2022 (around April-June 2022). I can see why people are upset over the third trailer spoiling the final arc, but when I watch this trailer as a manga reader, I don't feel upset, instead I feel relieved. I'm glad that the production of the anime has finished in advance, which means it wouldn't be subjected into delays or mid-broadcast production issues many anime are suffering right now, and it still delivered many standout episodes like it’s never left. Even though many talented staffs, at that time, were booked for other projects (such as Tachikawa Yuzuru having to step back from being a Director to Chief Director, handing the position to Takahiro Hasui because Tachikawa-san had to direct the upcoming Blue Giant movie), Mob Psycho still kept the high-quality production of S3 even until the end. It just shows how different a series can be if handled by the right production team. Not just the right studio, but also the right director, character designer, producer, episode directors, animators, and many, many others.

Think about what would happen if Mob Psycho hadn't been handled by the same people, and not with the same amount of love and passion towards the series. It could have production issues. It could have delays. It could have a lot of episode recaps mid-broadcast. It could have many staffs hospitalized. Or it could manage to finish on time but with VERY recognizable drop of quality. Or it could be just another forgettable anime adaptation with nothing special happening in it.

I think we as Mob Psycho fans should be grateful that we have not just BONES, but also Tachikawa Yuzuru (director of S1, S2, Chief Director in S3), Takahiro Hasui (episode director of S2's Separation Arc and Director of S3), Yoshimichi Kameda (Character Designer and Chief Animation Director), Hiroshi Seko (Series Composition), Kenji Kawai (Music), Miyo Sato (the artist of all paint-on-glass and S3EP6's sand-on-glass sequences), all of the staffs, animators, episode directors working on it, producers, all of them. We are so blessed to have an adaptation full of love, passion, and care from the staffs. It's such a rarity these days.

I recommend checking this for reading Mob Psycho S1 and a bit of S2's production notes, or production notes of other anime that you want to see. For S3, I recommend SakugaRelux's very detailed production breakdown thread here.

[thelonelybrilliance]

10 Years of TolkienGirl

This December marked ten years of my posting fanfiction online. Between ff.net and AO3, I've shared more than a thousand fics (some best forgotten, at this point). On AO3 alone, I've posted well over 2 million words of writing. I feel that I've learned so much about the craft of writing, the essentials of character development, and limitless range of interpretation. My favorite accomplishments are the completion of several novel and novella-length works, and of course, my collaborative AU project with @abadpoetwithdreams and @wearetakingthehobbitstogallifrey. To celebrate, I'm sharing fifty personal favorites/milestones below:

25 One-Shots:

an imaginary line (2020) - The Silmarillion - What if Maedhros, in Himring, taught the ravens to speak?

and one to call home (2021) - Friday Night Lights - It’s the fear. It’s the hope. It’s the dream, the beginning of everything, head coach of the Dillon Panthers, so much riding on the choice to stay and stay and stay—

half omen, half hope (2019) - The Guest - This is what nobody ever tells you about fear: sometimes, you survive it.

the darkness drops again (but now I know) (2017) - Star Wars - Everything that Kylo Ren ever was is breaking like a wave.

as old as your omens (2018) - Queen's Thief series - Lose a hand, love the sword that took it. (She is the sword.)

sorry about the blood in your mouth (I wish it was mine) (2018) - Stranger Things - Steve is hanging by a thread. 

time, a maniac scattering dust (2018) - MCU: Avengers/Iron Man/Captain America - "I am" is so much easier to explain than "I am not."

we are not traitors but the lights go out (2018) - Queen's Thief series - Attolia feels as if she alone kills in cold blood.

the best lack all conviction (2016) - Daredevil - Matt’s first fear, when the world is stone-still and silent around him, is that he’s going to die. His second is that he’s going to live.

I will be a gun (and it's you I'll come for) (2019) - The Guest/ 손 - Do priests wear black because they carry sin, or so that they can hide it better?

lonely as a cloud (2018) - MCU: Avengers/Thor - “How much of it is real?” Thor asks, because he always, always wants to know. Loki’s brow furrows. The flowers falter and fade. “None of it,” he says flatly.

never all at once (2017) - MCU: Captain America - Bucky never stops falling, and Steve never stops running, and worst of all is that both of them keep living, on and on, as though the train that ran that mountain pass still has them by the hands, metal and metal.

a blur of conquerors (2019) - My Country: The New Age/ 나의 나라  - For Bang-won, stillness is an art.

we are truth-speakers (2016) - Supernatural - Sam and Dean discover J.R.R. Tolkien.

if gold rusts (what then can iron do) (2016) - MCU: Avengers/Captain America - He doesn’t know where this leaves him. He doesn��t know why everyone leaves him.

the blackbird's tale (2017) - Scarlet Heart Ryeo/ 달의 연인-보보경심 려 - She is a princess before she is a girl, a queen before she is a mother.

land of the living (2017) - The Chronicles of Narnia - Susan had thought that this would be the simplest place to start.

here is my hand that will not harm you (2021) - Big Little Lies - Perry seemed like the answer to everything. Sometimes he still does.

his skin barely keeping him inside (2018) - The Vampire Diaries - Somewhere between trying to be a better man and snapping Jeremy Gilbert’s neck, you lost your way. That much is obvious. Less obvious is how you can come back from it.

let us love him at right angles (and each other not at all) (2018) - The Lord of the Rings - "They were so alike, him and my father."

we shall have spring again (2016) - The Chronicles of Narnia - Winter is long, long ago. Edmund doesn’t know why it just won’t leave him alone.

Penultimate (2016) - MCU: Captain America - Steve wonders what would happen if he never stopped running.

it does not do to dwell on dreams (and forget to live) (2016) - White Collar - Sometimes, Peter wonders if Neal only smiles when he lies.

praying with a gun (2018) - Sherlock - All the dates are wrong, and all the data.

all love is time travel (2021) - Once Upon a Time - Killian has long been a captain, and so he does not show weakness or indecision unless he wishes to. 

5 Multi-Chaps:

Fixing on the Hour (2018, revised 2021) - Pride and Prejudice - In which Darcy Williams meets Eli Bennett, tries to be the best at everything, and maybe loses the chip on her shoulder.

Match (2018) - Emma - Emmett Woodhouse returns home from college, and sets about fixing everything but himself.

nor are we forgiven (which brings us back) (2018) - Star Wars - Sometimes going back to the beginning is farther back than you expect.

the way it all melted (like ice melts) (2016) - Supernatural - In January 2001, the Winchesters hunt Grendel, and Sam's life begins to take him away.

what our hearts used to be (2019) - Scarlet Heart Ryeo/ 달의 연인-보보경심 려 - Maybe she dreamed of an ancient kingdom so that she could save a modern empire.

10 Fics from 2022:

The Figurehead (WIP) - Stranger Things - When the first flakes of living ash begin to fall, Steve isn’t ready. He’s never ready. That’s not what counts.

the second hand unwinds (Multi-Chap) - Stranger Things - Steve will be damned if this is the end. Steve is damned already if he has to watch Nancy die in front of him.

love is not a victory march - Friday Night Lights - Fear is something that has always been tied up with Tyra’s understanding of home.

tide me death, betide me life - Stranger Things - Robin’s something of an expert in the business of looking at Steve Harrington for the wrong reasons.

see my heart burning in the distance - Friday Night Lights - For now it’s enough to be free. It’s enough to be unrecognizable. Most of the time, it’s enough to leave.

the heart is slow to learn - Stranger Things - It’s the day after the end of the world, and Nancy can’t sleep.

of green fires lit on the soil of the earth - Friday Night Lights - It’s just been so long since Eric had anyone to talk to about this.

and last year's leaves are smoke in every lane - Stranger Things - “A classic,” Robin says, though no one asked for her opinion. She has the tape in hand. “I always thought Laszlo gets short shrift, you know? He’s so heroic. And Bogart was short. But the heart wants what it wants, right?”

staring into all man's plateglass, faces, questioning after who loves - Stranger Things - Jonathan quirks half a smile in her direction. “Do you want to be right, or do you want me to have lunch with you?”

and yet shall mourn - MCU: Spiderman- There are times when MJ is sure she’s splitting in two, self and not-self, or maybe, self and truer self. Which—what the hell, again? Who is she, if she isn’t herself?

10 Gold Rush Silmarillion AU Fics:

no better hope - Fingon sets forth on his impossible mission.

within the hollow crown - Maedhros' life ends in every way but death.

steadfast as the hills of stone - Fingon is not done healing his cousin. His cousin does not particularly want to be healed.

between the jealous mountains (shall we mourn) - Vengeance is a long road--longer for some than others.

in their eyes (shall shine the holy glimmers of goodbyes) - Gwindor thought it would be enough, to love in a place of safety.

the tabernacle (reconstructed) - This is the land of plenty (or something like that).

chase winter from the human face - What sort of budding doctor am I?

our possible life - On Christmas Eve, Maedhros asks Estrela a favor.

the song I sing again and again - The night may not be young, but they are.

shatter my dream (with the aid of reality) - Who is he? Pater noster, he whispers to himself, of himself.

[he-is-lightning-in-a-bottle]

Getting To Know Your BL Mutuals

I was tagged by @gunsatthaphan thank you so much! I've never done one of these before, but it seems fun.

So here I go. rules: answer the questions and @ some people. include the tag 'g2ky BL mutuals 2022' on your post so we can find everyone's answer.

What have been the BLs that took you by surprise this year?

1. Between Us - I had to drop UWMA because I couldn't handle how hard Pharm was playing into the Blushing Maiden trope. Boy really just looked like he did not enjoy the physical part of their relationship at all, and it made it uncomfortable to watch. Also the reincarnated soulmate tragic death bit was just not doing it for me. I was afraid Between Us would be more of the same, BUT IT'S NOT! It's actually really good so far and Win and Team have explosive on screen chemistry. I guess all the work Boun and Prem have done together since 2019 has really paid off!

2. Old Fashion Cupcake - Mostly because I'd never heard of it. It just showed up on my Viki recommendations one day and was exactly what I was in the mood for. As always with Japan, the production values are perfect, the cinematography is excellent, and the acting was brilliant. I also loved seeing a romantic lead who was 39. (I'm 46, so it's nice to see representation nearer my age!)

3. My Only 12% - I generally dislike High School BLs because their characters are younger than my sons and it's hard for me to relate unless their acting is surprisingly good. And that's what happened here! SantaEarth knocked it out of the park. I laughed with them, cried with them, oooed and awed with them. They really made me feel it all!

What have been the BLs that you felt a bit a lot disappointed with this year?

1. Check Out - I mean, episode 0 was killer. How did they drop the ball this badly???

2. Coffee Melody - It started out with pretty production values and made me hope everything would be equally as excellent. But it was just so boring.

What has been your favorite BL this year?

Hard call! I think I have to answer this by country because they all approach BL so differently. Also only addressing shows that started airing in 2022, so that automatically removes Bad Buddy and Not Me from the running.

Japan - Old Fashion Cupcake. See above!

South Korea - Semantic Error. I was afraid of the bullying plot, but when I watched it, it just seemed funny. They somehow struck that magic balance of making Jae Young irritating and attractive without being an actual asshole. Plus I loved the excellent production values, tight plotting, hilarious dialog, Yu Na being a hot af bisexual babe, and the excellent kissing game our leads brought to the screen.

Thailand - Kinnporsche the Series. I liked the way they improved so much of the gross from the books so the story made more sense and wasn't as offensive. But I really enjoyed the excellent cinematography, the acting from literally every cast member, and the distinctly Thai humor. It's also obviously very big budget and just LOOKS expensive, you know? Like something I'd see on American or Korean TV. Even the violence looks real, which is something Thailand usually has a very hard time pulling off. Plus the cast is just so pretty. I'm also a huge sucker for darker narratives, so it was refreshing to see one mixed in with so many fun BL tropes. I expected to be massively disappointed by this drama and was pleasantly surprised instead.

Favorite BL couples (not just of 2022)?

Actors or characters? I want to answer actors because that's more fun to me.

1. I am forever indebted to MaxTul because I really needed to see their steamy physical chemistry back in 2018. My intro to BL happened when I stumbled upon Advance Bravely on YouTube. It was so much fun to see fanfic tropes between two men! But the ending was wonky AF because of Chinese censorship. So I asked around on Tumblr for more manly men doing fanfic shows, and found out that BL was a whole Thing and the epitome of manliness was in Together with Me. Was the girlfriend plot obnoxious? Yes. Did MaxTul deliver believable chemistry anyway? Yes. If I hadn't seen them, I probably would have given up on BL because the next few I watched didn't do it for me at all (Love Sick, Sotus, Puppy Honey, Kiss Me Again). But because I knew couples like MaxTul were out there acting their hearts out, I made it through my BL dryspell and into 2019 and shows that I actually did love (like Theory of Love and Deep Blue Kiss).

2. Offgun because they clearly enjoy each other's company, they're in it for the long haul, and their fans aren't rabid shippers. Gun's acting was always leagues beyond his co-stars, but Off has completely risen to that challenge and become formidable in his own right. I also adore how Gun has clearly melted Off's heart over the years. Watching his real life evolution from being touch averse to actually initiating physical intimacy with Gun over the years is like watching a slow burn 140k+ word fanfic unfold right in front of me. I think their fans not straying into delusionally obsessed crazies is also a sign that they're good guys managing their coupledom like pros.

3. FirstKhao because they surprised me so much with The Eclipse. I knew they were decent actors on their own, but together they're 🔥🔥🔥. Also I really enjoy their personalities outside of their performances. I am excited they decided to cobrand, and I am hoping to see more stellar acting from them in the future!

What's your non-BL favorite this year?

Oooo. This is hard! Do I answer based on how many times I re-watched a 2022 show, or how high quality I think it was, or how well I rated it?

Sh**ting Stars wins if we're talking about the number of times I re-watched it. It's a no drama romcom from South Korea. A celebrity and his PR manager have been frenemies for a decade then realize they're in love. It's got killer banter and good side characters, is laugh out loud funny, has no annoying tropes, and has 5 side couples (and you will root for all of them).

But based on acting and script and cinematography? My Liberation Notes knocked it out of the park! It's a slice of life South Korean drama. 3 siblings in their 30s feel stuck by life. The youngest decides to liberate herself from disliking everyone by choosing to like a nameless stranger unconditionally. This is the story of the ripple effects from that one decision.

Time to tag people! (not sure if all of these are mutuals but imma tag you either way so deal with it!! 💜)

@stefanyd @rythyme @piningbisexuals @disaster-j @spicyvampire @syrinth @machikeita