#i doubt anyone will read this

[eliothedud9000]

this is a thing i wrote for school. cw death and sad themes

the bolded date is the title, not when this takes place. yes the date has symbolism in the numbers

December 16th, 1997 

He’s sitting on an ornate wooden chair. I am across from him. 

From every angle, he is, undeniably, me.

He has the same brown hair, dry and tangled. He has the same tattoo on his forearm, the small star blurring at the edges. The same mole right below his left eye, the same crooked smile, the same shy green eyes. 

I look at the rug underneath us. It’s the one Mom had in her house when we were younger. I loved that rug, I always played on it.

There’s a puddle in the center of it. The murky water moves towards my feet.

“Mind the water,” He says, “It has a bad habit of clinging.”

I put my feet up and sit criss-cross. I am wearing pink ankle socks, the same as his.

“What time is it?” I ask.

The lamp between us dims ever so slightly. I remember this lamp. It was the first thing I bought for my dorm when I went to college.

“Late enough,” He replies, “You can sleep now.”

“I’m not tired.” I pick at my nails, avoiding his gaze.

He shifts in his chair, moving his feet away from the spreading puddle. 

“Okay then. We can wait.” 

“Really?” I ask warily.

The lamp flickers. The puddle licks the bottom of the chairs.

“Yeah. We’re in no rush.” He smoothes down his T-shirt. It’s the same one I’m wearing, the one we got at the concert a few summers ago. 

We sit in comfortable silence for a bit, listening to the gentle lapping of the water against the chairs. It stops increasing at about ankle height. 

“What’s your greatest fear?” I ask breaking the quiet.

“Same as yours.”

“Well then, what is it?” 

He thinks for a moment, brow furrowed.

“I think… rejection.” He responds solemnly. 

“Why?” I ask. I know the answer.

“From the people who left us. No one ever liked us.” The lamp flickers and dims slightly.

I feel pressure on my lungs. “That’s not true,” I murmur. A drop of water lands on my nose, dripping onto my lip. I wipe it off.

“Isn’t it?” He asks.

“I don’t like your answers.” I cross my arms. 

“They’re your answers though, remember?” He sits up straighter and pushes back a strand of loose hair.

Some small weeds have grown in the murky water underneath us. Little fish dart around them, weaving through the thin grass. 

The lamp dims more. His face is barely illuminated.

“What happens when the light goes out?” I ask. Something drips down my cheek. Is it a tear or water?

“We’ll find out soon enough.” His voice is muffled.

I inhale sharply and cough, wet and hard. Water dribbles down my chin.

“I’m scared,” I whisper. The air smells like the lavender oil I spray on my pillow every night to help me sleep.

“I know.” He replies quietly.

The puddle is still.

“Do you?” I ask.

“I’m you. I know everything about you. About us. We live in the middle of nowhere. We sing in public like no one is watching because– no one is. We’ve slept with a stuffed animal every night of our life, just so we don’t have to be alone. We cry in public bathrooms when a friend interrupts us. We’ll change every aspect of ourselves for an ounce of praise.” He pauses and takes a deep breath. 

“We are lonely, incoherent, and desperate. We have never been enough.”

“Stop.” I bury my face in my hands.

“What good would that do? The light will still turn off. Why can’t we reflect?”

“Because it hurts.” Something green and slimy is wrapped around my forearm. I don’t look down.

“Without pain, you can’t appreciate the good moments.”

He slowly places his feet in the water underneath the chair. His pink socks darken in color.

“You need to let go.” He looks me in the eye, holding out a hand. 

I grip the chair tightly.

“I’m not ready for the dark,” I reply.

“Neither am I, but we can go together.”

Another droplet of water lands on my face. This one is tinted red.

“Okay.” 

I slide my feet into the murky puddle, shivering slightly from the cold liquid. The pressure on my lungs increases. 

I stand up and meet him in between the chairs. He grips my hand tightly. Finally, someone who won’t let go.

“I love you,” I say quietly.

“No, you don’t.” He smiles, not reaching his eyes.  

The lamp flickers once more, dangerously dim. Then we are plunged into darkness. I still feel his cold hand in mine. 

I hold my hand until there’s no hand left.

The water ripples.

A small fish nibbles a lakeweed.

The moon casts a pale beam on the surface.

Wails of red and blue break the spell.

A young man is pulled from the muck by grim reapers in dark coats and surgical gloves. 

A star hides on his forearm, blanketed by seaweed.

Boots discarded on the lakeside, pink socks covered in mud.

[yibocheeks]

A Completely Biased Fan’s Opinion (and Interpretation) of 无名

I’ve tried to keep my reviews online mostly neutral when it comes to my fangirling over Wang Yibo in the movie, as I really do feel that the movie is well done, the entire cast did a remarkable job, the cinematography and set details are commendable, the music compliments the scenes really well, and there are many interesting parallels and clues along the way that make each rewatch rewarding. 

@faery-snow​ requested a long post and after watching the movie three times, I will henceforth enter full fangirling mode with my thoughts on the film (there will be spoilers). I have also summarized the sequence of events, based on analyses from Chinese fans online (but again this is still open to interpretation) ↴

I’ve summarized a spoiler-free version of some historical background that is relevant to the film here and will note below when I start getting into plot spoiler content.

The opening scene begins with Tony Leung’s character (Director He) sitting on a bench. He appears to be deep in thought, and behind him we see the grid of a prison window. We are then introduced to an array of other characters, and the who/where/when are all still unknown to the audience. 

We then meet Yibo’s character (Mr. Ye), who is having what seems to be a casual breakfast with his colleague, played by Wang Chuanjun (Captain Wang). They are speaking Shanghainese, and upon first hearing Yibo’s Shanghainese I was grinning to myself from ear to ear. His Shanghainese is really very cute, and if you speak to people who are actually Shanghainese they will be able to identify immediately that he is not from Shanghai. 😂 Still, for him to be able to speak Shanghainese to this degree is not easy, considering he only just learned it for the film. And of course from watching all the behind-the-scene footage and interviews, I was already very fond of this 阿呆 and 阿瓜 pair. We see the scene where they are sitting in the car together, on their way to collect the corpses (whom we at this point do not yet know the identities of), and the moment when they both look down at their watch at the same time, which was unscripted. The conversation about every man for themselves, although discussed in the context of breakfast, can be applied to the situation of the times as well.

We are shown the bombings in Guangzhou and there is a scene here that is difficult to watch every time (this, as well as another scene later in the film are particularly difficult to watch; all I can say is that the suffering that ordinary citizens experienced during wartimes really leaves one speechless.) Following the attack on Pearl Harbor, there is a ominous sense of heaviness that is felt as the Pacific War wages. In Shanghai, the foreign concessions, which had once been free from occupation, are also taken over by the Japanese.

Cheng Er does not shy away from showing the violence and cruelty of the time, and we see that Mr. Ye’s job is a rather bloody one. It is such a delight to watch Yibo play this type of role, and although his face was splattered with blood, all I could focus on was how much the yeekies vibrated 😂 (I’m hopeless, I know.)

We see Mr. Ye observing Ms. Fang at the dancehall, and at this point it is not yet clear what their relationship is (although from the article that Cheng Er has written before in GQ, we know that they were engaged, but have grown apart over the years due to conflicting interests - Ms. Fang works together with other progressive youth to assassinate Japanese officers, while Mr. Ye is working for Wang Jingwei’s regime. Thus, in Ms. Fang’s eyes, Mr. Ye is a traitor.)

Tony Leung’s performance is also incredible. He is lauded as having eyes that can tell stories and this is so true. I think he is one of the greatest actors of his time, from every expression to every posture - and it is really amazing that Yibo is billed as co-lead in a film with him. 

Plot spoilers begin here:

After Wang Jingwei’s death in 1944 and towards the end of WWII, Minister Tang tells Director He that he will enter negotiations with the Japanese as a representative of the Kuomintang (KMT) - Minister Tang is a character who truly is a fence-sitter (in the GQ interview Da Peng reveals that he was once part of the CCP, then the KMT, before becoming Minister of the Political Security Department for the Wang Jingwei regime). This poses a potential threat to the Communists. It is at this time that Director He utilizes the list of important Japanese people living in Shanghai, which he had received from Ms. Jiang, the KMT agent whom he spared the life of back in 1941. We see Mr. Zhang deploying men to assassinate the Japanese prince. The next morning, Mr. Ye and Captain Wang go to dispose of the bodies. Officer Watanabe gets the call that the prince has died, and the peace talks between the KMT and Japan end. This series of events is part of the story that Cheng Er has written for the film, and as far as I know is not based on any actual event. Mr. Ye accompanies Officer Watanabe to the Communists’ warehouse, only for a bomb to go off. They find that the Communists have already abandoned the warehouse. At this time Officer Watanabe speaks with Mr. Ye and says that anyone who does not join you in killing immediately becomes suspicious - Captain Wang had been at home for his father’s birthday and because of his absence, Officer Watanabe begins to doubt Captain Wang’s allegiance. We see drunken shrimp being served at Captain Wang’s father’s birthday dinner, a traditional dish from Jiangsu, Zhejiang and Shanghai regions.

Interestingly Yibo is the only one who speaks multiple languages throughout the film, and perhaps it shows his presumed allegiance to the Japanese as he is able to adapt to their food and language. Hearing Yibo’s Japanese was also such a treat.

Following the prince’s death, the Communists are under further scrutiny by the Japanese, and so it is at this time that Mr. Ye goes to the dancehall to warn Ms. Fang that the situation is dangerous and that she should suspend her activities of targeting Japanese officers. There is a moment here where Yibo drops Mr. Ye’s usual cool countenance and shows a moment of vulnerability as he looks at Ms. Fang - we see that he still cares for her, but that he can not give her any further explanation nor refute her when she calls him a traitor and tells him to go die. His babyface looks extra vulnerable in that brief moment 🥺 He lets out his suppressed anger and helplessness by beating up the Japanese officers he encounters on his way out, and I can only say that after filming that continuous-shot scene for several nights in a row, the outcome is very satisfying to watch as Yibo fully immerses himself into the character. At the end he pulls down his tie again, returning to his prim and well-dressed appearance (although still slightly rumpled 🤭).

The moment when Mr. Ye finds out about Ms. Fang’s death is a devastating moment - Ms. Fang is probably the only person left whom he cared about, and his colleague whom he had considered his friend was the perpetrator. In this moment he is now truly alone.

Officer Watanabe sends Mr. Ye to the docks to investigate the assassination, and Mr. Ye goes to sit silently at a food stall on the docks. Beside him is a member of the Communist underground network, who then goes to warn Mr. Zhang (Huang Lei), the secretary for the Communist underground network, that the docks, their liaison station, have been compromised. Mr. Zhang becomes nervous and asks Ms. Chen (Zhou Xun) to runaway with him. He says he knows someone of high ranks in Nanjing who can help them, and by so doing he becomes immediately suspicious, as at this time Nanjing is still the capital of the Wang Jingwei regime. I must say that Zhou Xun’s performance here is splendid, and this exchange between them always makes me laugh. 

Mr. Zhang calls Minister Tang and says that he knows something about the incident surrounding the Japanese prince, thus betraying the Communists. Minister Tang informs Officer Watanabe and Director He, and between the three of them it is decided that Director He will go to interrogate Mr. Zhang. It is here where the scene from the beginning of the movie takes place, when Director He meets with Mr. Zhang. After getting rid of the traitor Mr. Zhang, Director He knows that his identity as a Communist will be exposed, at the same time he had no choice but to do what he did in order to protect the Communists’ intelligence. 

Officer Watanabe then invites Minister Tang, Director He, Mr. Ye and Captain Wang to dinner. The tension created in this scene was excellent. Mr. Ye turns to Officer Watanabe to ask for permission to leave the dinner in order to get rid of the Communist in their midst, whom Officer Watanabe suspects to include Captain Wang. Here we see Yibo’s tears again as he hears the click of the gun behind him, confirming his friend’s betrayal. Interestingly Mr. Ye and Captain Wang are wearing the same ties as the ones they wore from when they shared breakfast together. Things have certainly changed between them since then.

The reunion between Mr. He and Ms. Chen is a touching moment, and here we see how Zhou Xun and Tony Leung truly shine as the veteran actors that they are, being able to convey such deep emotions in such a brief scene. We are instantly able to feel how much the two have sacrificed in the time that they’ve been apart, separated by the situation of the times and in their hopes to fight for a better future. I really wish we were able to see more from the female actresses, as their time to shine felt really limited.

Then we have the fight scene between Mr. Ye, who is on the Japanese side, and Mr. He, who has revealed his identity as a Communist. This fight scene was filmed so well. Yibo was choked many times, he got to touch Tony Leung’s face, and the music accompanying him is quite fitting for the villain role which he has taken on during this part of the film 🤭 Cheng Er alludes to this in interviews and through camera angles that there may be eyes and ears observing their fight peripherally.

Following this fight, Officer Watanabe seems to trust Mr. Ye completely as he reveals the map of Manchuria and the Kwantung Army’s operations. The scene after this is one of my favourite scenes and gives me chills every time, when Mr. Ye walks up to the office of the Director of the Political Security Department. What a glorious moment for him! 

For the classical music nerds like me, the piece that plays here is Mozart's Requiem. How very fitting.

Shortly after, Japan surrenders and Mr. He gets released. On his way out, he sees Mr. Ye being brought into prison along with Officer Watanabe. Mr. Ye gives Mr. He a taunting look, which is followed by the skirmish between them and Mr. He’s slight smile afterwards - this and the following scene were both delicious.

At the end of the movie, we see that Mr. Ye has moved to Hong Kong, where many spies fled to for safety after the war. He enters a restaurant and says thank you in Shanghainese, revealing that he is from Shanghai. The server turns to him and recognizes this, and we realize that he is at Captain Wang’s family restaurant. The family moved to Hong Kong, not knowing the fate of their son whom they believed to be still in Shanghai. Mr. Ye is served the drunken shrimp and we get a feeling of nostalgia - perhaps he wishes to pay homage to his former friend, or to the homeland from which he came from where he is no longer welcomed. The way in which he eats the shrimp while they’re still jumping, and the persistence with which he chases after the shrimp that has tried to escape - all of this is so true to character and really a memorable scene, particularly with the red from the fermented tofu brine. We get the sense that the past still haunts him, despite living in a new city. (As to the question of whether or not one should spit out the shell when eating drunken shrimp, this seems to be a question of debate. 😂)  Of course the shrimp jumping out of the bowl was not scripted, and Yibo again demonstrates an excellent understanding of his character.

We then see Mr. Ye at a temple where he is burning incense. I tear up every time when I watch this scene, at the silent tears he has shed as he grieves - perhaps he’s grieving the loss of his ex-lover, or the loss of someone whom he had thought was his friend, or the loss of his own self and who he was before 1941, or the loss of the times before the war, or all of the above. He has had to make so many sacrifices along the way as he strived to pursue what he believed in. Why is Yibo so good at expressing silent repressed sadness? 😭

In one Ningbo roadshow, they were asked the following:

When Yibo has a crying scene at the end in Hong Kong, how had CE directed Yibo?

CE: I didn't make too many requests of him in that scene, I wanted to see how he would portray it, which is what you now see

Yibo: It felt very complicated, after experiencing everything that had happened prior, when I arrived alone at Hong Kong, I think it was a very complicated feeling. 

So what we see is Yibo’s own emotional interpretation of Mr. Ye’s experience  😭

We end the film listening to Yibo’s voice singing as the ending credits roll. The song is truly such a striking song and so fitting. Many people left the theatre as soon as the movie ended, and those who remained until the end of the credits were likely fans 🤭

All in all this was a fantastic film, although it may not be for everyone as it is one that can be hard to follow. If you pay attention to the details and have a basic understanding of the different parties in play, I think it will be an enjoyable watch as there are many hints along the way for the viewer to piece together. The character of Mr. Ye has really challenged Yibo with a different role from what he has played before, and he really stepped up to it. He’s not a perfect character either - Cheng Er makes it clear that along the way Mr. Ye commits a lot of immoral acts and has a violent streak as well. Many of the characters are morally grey, which is a bit refreshing to see in a film that was funded as part of a trilogy for the CCP’s centenary. 

I can’t gush enough about Yibo in this film, so if you have more thoughts, my messages are always open!

Addendum: In interviews for GQ and 人物, Cheng Er says that the biggest compromise he has had to make for a film was Wu Ming. It sounds like there were many bumps along the way that he encountered during the film review process. The 人物 interview suggests that this may also include the choice of the ending scene, which is not in keeping with Cheng Er’s usual style of film narrative. There’s been mentions of a director’s cut potentially being released at some point in the future (perhaps with the DVD/Bluray release) and I would be so curious to know what this film looked like prior to the film review!

Addendum #2:

Some other thoughts:

There is one line that Mr. Ye says that left an impression, a line he says in Japanese that goes along the lines of, “No matter how much we strive, what’s lost is lost.” This feels like a rare moment of truth that he says casually in a scene wrapped up in deception.

In speaking to others, many people say that a scene that really disturbed them was the scene with the injured dog. In a movie where we see the torment and death of so many people as a result of war, it is still this scene that leaves an impression on people. Is it that we as an audience have become desensitized to human suffering? It is certainly a memorable scene, and perhaps this is partly why Cheng Er chose to include this in the movie.

Many of the characters remain largely unnamed, even Mr. Ye himself. The only time we see his name is when he gets the appointment letter to become the new director.

Ms. Jiang is seen wearing a ring, and later on in the movie we see Minister Tang wearing a matching ring. Ms. Jiang is thought to be based on Zheng Pingru, a well-known KMT spy who was involved in a plot to assassinate the security chief of the Wang Jingwei regime (The movie Lust, Caution is also thought to be inspired by her).

In the scene where Mr. He speaks to Mr. Ye, there's a line that Tony Leung says, "我无法继续下去了." The English subtitles translate it as, "I can't cope anymore," but a more accurate way to translate this given the context would be, "I can no longer continue." It's a subtle difference, but implies that there may also be other external reasons for why Mr. He can no longer continue what he is doing, rather than just personal.

Another minor translation error in the subtitles is in the restaurant scene in Hong Kong, when Captain Wang's mother says that their family moved over in the 1930s. She actually says that they moved over in the 30s of the Republic of China calendar, which would be the 1940s, so likely sometime after the dad's birthday dinner scene that we see. (Note that the subs in the online version are correct here)

Addendum #3:

There is a scene that was added to the international release that is not in the mainland version or the version that was released on Chinese streaming platforms. It takes place after they get the call about Pearl Harbor, after we see the invasion of the Japanese Army into the concessions. There is a conversation between Officer Watanabe and Mr. He, where Officer Watanabe discusses the politics of what occurred. He comments that Mr. He was late to their meeting and Mr. He says it is because he went to pick up pastries. Officer Watanabe asks him where the pastries are, and Mr. He says they are in the car. There is a moment of dramatic suspense as Mr. He walks slowly towards the car, brings out the pastry box, and gives it to Officer Watanabe, who opens it to see only the Napoleon cakes.

There are also many places in the movie where Cheng Er has changed the music for the international release, which is different from the mainland and online versions. He has cleaned up the timing in some parts and changed it in others to better fit the mood. Let's hope these changes get incorporated into the DVD release when it comes out! Still, I don't think that this takes away from the viewing experience of the mainland/online versions.

[ellie-mutterings]

google search: how do i get my life back in order

okay, but let's be real for a second. my head has been spinning for months now, and now it's just finally slowing, and i'm not sure it'll land straight yet.

to be super real, my grandma passed a couple months ago. it wasn't wholly unexpected, but it was still an emotionally taxing few days while we waited to see how things would go. i wasn't particularly close to my grandma, how close can you be to a woman who has nearly twenty grandchildren, but it was still hard. wakes, funerals, packing up her things. my schedule disappeared overnight and i didn't realize how scattered i was until a couple weeks had passed.

to add an extra challenge, my sister was getting married! in a different country. and our pets have never been apart from us for more than, say, twelve hours? so then i had to handle a couple weeks of prep to make sure they were both cared for while we were away from home for a week and between fall weather starting here and having been so disrupted at my grandma's passing, everything was a mess and i couldn't handle it anymore. so i spent basically all of my free time cleaning so that we would be able to come back to a clean home. which i don't regret at all.

so then we're gone for a week, and the trip is great, and the wedding was beautiful, and my love, who has been having a tough year at work takes an extra week off to recover. im glad he did, he's been so burnt out lately, but i work from home, so him being home during the day means my entire workday is different.

and now hes back at work and im still working from home. alone. and i look at everything around me and i just don't know what to do with it. there are a few things i should probably clean, but that feels exhausting just to think about. and i could probably work on a few craft projects, but i've learned my lesson from sewing when i can't offer something all of my attention. and when i try to write, i just start at the screen. i can see things happening in my head, but trying to convert that to words is impossible. nothing comes out.

and im tired. this time of the year is hard with the holiday prep and the changing seasons. even in the best of circumstances, my mental health can really falter but now i feel like i need to do something, i can't just sit and feel like this and do nothing, but everything is just... out of reach.

i doubt anyone will read this, i wouldn't, but i just needed to feel for a second, let those feelings out into the world. i will be fine, i know i will, but right now, how the hell do i start putting my normal life back together?

[5ummit]

AO3 Ship Stats: Year In Bad Data

You may have seen this AO3 Year In Review.

It hasn’t crossed my tumblr dash but it sure is circulating on twitter with 3.5M views, 10K likes, 17K retweets and counting. Normally this would be great! I love data and charts and comparisons!

Except this data is GARBAGE and belongs in the TRASH.

I first noticed something fishy when I realized that Steve/Bucky – the 5th largest ship on AO3 by total fic count – wasn’t on this Top 100 list anywhere. I know Marvel’s popularity has fallen in recent years, but not that much. Especially considering some of the other ships that made it on the list. You mean to tell me a femslash HP ship (Mary MacDonald/Lily Potter) in which one half of the pairing was so minor I had to look up her name because she was only mentioned once in a single flashback scene beat fandom juggernaut Stucky? I call bullshit.

Now obviously jumping to conclusions based on gut instinct alone is horrible practice... but it is a good place to start. So let’s look at the actual numbers and discover why this entire dataset sits on a throne of lies.

Here are the results of filtering the Steve/Bucky tag for all works created between Jan 1, 2023 and Dec 31, 2023:

Not only would that place Steve/Bucky at #23 on this list, if the other counts are correct (hint: they're not), it’s also well above the 1520-new-work cutoff of the #100 spot. So how the fuck is it not on the list? Let’s check out the author’s FAQ to see if there’s some important factor we’re missing.

The first thing you’ll probably notice in the FAQ is that the data is being scraped from publicly available works. That means anything privated and only accessible to logged-in users isn’t counted. This is Sin #1. Already the data is inaccurate because we’re not actually counting all of the published fics, but the bots needed to do data collection on this scale can't easily scrape privated fics so I kinda get it. We’ll roll with this for now and see if it at least makes the numbers make more sense:

Nope. Logging out only reduced the total by a couple hundred. Even if one were to choose the most restrictive possible definition of "new works" and filter out all crossovers and incomplete fics, Steve/Bucky would still have a yearly total of 2,305. Yet the list claims their total is somewhere below 1,500? What the fuck is going on here?

Let’s look at another ship for comparison. This time one that’s very recent and popular enough to make it on the list so we have an actual reference value for comparison: Nick/Charlie (Heartstopper). According to the list, this ship sits at #34 this year with a total of 2630 new works. But what’s AO3 say?

Off by a hundred or so but the values are much closer at least!

If we dig further into the FAQ though we discover Sin #2 (and the most egregious): the counting method. The yearly fic counts are NOT determined by filtering for a certain time period, they’re determined by simply taking a snapshot of the total number of fics in a ship tag at the end of the year and subtracting the previous end-of-year total. For example, if you check a ship tag on Jan 1, 2023 and it has 10,000 fics and check it again on Jan 1, 2024 and it now has 12,000 fics, the difference (2,000) would be the number of "new works" on this chart.

At first glance this subtraction method might seem like a perfectly valid way to count fics, and it’s certainly the easiest way, but it can and did have major consequences to the point of making the entire dataset functionally meaningless. Why? If any older works are deleted or privated, every single one of those will be subtracted from the current year fic count. And to make the problem even worse, beginning at the end of last year there was a big scare about AI scraping fics from AO3, which caused hundreds, if not thousands, of users to lock down their fics or delete them.

The magnitude of this fuck up may not be immediately obvious so let’s look at an example to see how this works in practice.

Say we have two ships. Ship A is more than a decade old with a large fanbase. Ship B is only a couple years old but gaining traction. On Jan 1, 2023, Ship A had a catalog of 50,000 fics and ship B had 5,000. Both ships have 3,000 new works published in 2023. However, 4% of the older works in each fandom were either privated or deleted during that same time (this percentage is was just chosen to make the math easy but it’s close to reality).

Ship A: 50,000 x 4% = 2,000 removed works Ship B: 5,000 x 4% = 200 removed works

Ship A: 3,000 - 2,000 = 1,000 "new" works Ship B: 3,000 - 200 = 2,800 "new" works

This gives Ship A a net gain of 1,000 and Ship B a net gain of 2,800 despite both fandoms producing the exact same number of new works that year. And neither one of these reported counts are the actual new works count (3,000). THIS explains the drastic difference in ranking between a ship like Steve/Bucky and Nick/Charlie.

How is this a useful measure of anything? You can't draw any conclusions about the current size and popularity of a fandom based on this data.

With this system, not only is the reported "new works" count incorrect, the older, larger fandom will always be punished and it’s count disproportionately reduced simply for the sin of being an older, larger fandom. This example doesn’t even take into account that people are going to be way more likely to delete an old fic they're no longer proud of in a fandom they no longer care about than a fic that was just written, so the deletion percentage for the older fandom should theoretically be even larger in comparison.

And if that wasn't bad enough, the author of this "study" KNEW the data was tainted and chose to present it as meaningful anyway. You will only find this if you click through to the FAQ and read about the author’s methodology, something 99.99% of people will NOT do (and even those who do may not understand the true significance of this problem):

The author may try to argue their post states that the tags "which had the greatest gain in total public fanworks” are shown on the chart, which makes it not a lie, but a error on the viewer’s part in not interpreting their data correctly. This is bullshit. Their chart CLEARLY titles the fic count column “New Works” which it explicitly is NOT, by their own admission! It should be titled “Net Gain in Works” or something similar.

Even if it were correctly titled though, the general public would not understand the difference, would interpret the numbers as new works anyway (because net gain is functionally meaningless as we've just discovered), and would base conclusions on their incorrect assumptions. There’s no getting around that… other than doing the counts correctly in the first place. This would be a much larger task but I strongly believe you shouldn’t take on a project like this if you can’t do it right.

To sum up, just because someone put a lot of work into gathering data and making a nice color-coded chart, doesn’t mean the data is GOOD or VALUABLE.

[dendroaspis-viridis]

I'm begging you, BioWare... Learn from the mistakes of Baldur's Gates past...

[tooies]

i think probably the reason i like the idea of like a girl secretly being a dragon but still trying to just have a life in society and be normal is because it's kinda a transfem narrative of the whole like everyone thinks you're a terrifying monster but you just want to be a girl. and the other reason is due to i'm otherkin

[surreal-duck]

live drama adaptations part 2 (prev)

cast reveal and girls movie night 🔥

[jisokai]

If a tree falls (does it bring you to tears?)

Exploring the relationship dynamics of the Strawhat Pirates and a reader coming to terms with grief.

Set right before Enies Lobby.

strawhats x GN reader, slight romantic nami x reader Life of Pi and Haruki Murakami-inspired, reader lives in a floating tree, loss of home/habitat destruction, reader is a friend to animals, queerplatonic relationship-building with everyone basically 7.7k words | oneshot, complete

notes: this was my first fic when i started writing again recently so it has a special place in my heart even though it's pretty rough imo <3 definitely niche so i'm mostly posting it here for archive purposes. + the timeline for this is so nonexistent, i promise it's better for everyone if you don't think about it + there's some background/implied frobin

ao3 option

Distance. Space. Atmosphere.

Life at sea means many days of drifting into nothingness, waiting for a figure to appear in the distance to follow. Drifting usually starts as a peaceful pause between events, crew members taking time to find their strength for the next piece of their journey. But as the days drag on, quiet stillness turns to impatient irritation. There’s an itch for chaos, a fight, change. Not seeing land for days, weeks even, unsettles them.

But no matter their skepticism, they always trust Nami. Nami who has never failed them in knowing how to bring them to where they have to be, oftentimes a destination they were not aware of.

In the blue of the vast beyond is a speck, also blue from the space that sits between said speck and the Going Merry. Nami frowns when she sees it. Normally specks have a spread to them if they’re a landform, a long but narrow shape that appears all at once. The alternative is a ship, which usually has a particular proportion between its length and width. However, this speck is tall . So tall it disappears into the clouds. And it’s narrow. It isn’t perfectly straight, a little wobbly-looking from this distance. Glancing around her workspace, Nami locates her telescope, grabs it by the base, and gently kicks the door open to make her way out to the lower deck.

“Usopp,” she calls as she walks to the stairs. Usopp looks up from his seat near Luffy and Chopper curiously. Nami cocks her head to the upper deck where she plans to set her telescope, turning and walking along. The sniper pouts at the lack of explanation, but rises with a sigh to meet her.

Still too far away to be discernible, two figures lounge together dozens of stories in the air. One nestles itself into the soft warmth of the other’s fur. The other swishes its tail in contentment. It huffs, yawns with its tongue out, then blinks and lowers its head to sleep.

“It’s a tree.”

“It can’t be a tree.”

“Well what else could it be!? Through your telescope it even looks like there’s a branch.”

“Trees can’t grow in salt water. Besides, there’s no land for it to attach to. You think it just floats around? It would topple over!”

“This is the Grand Line, Nami. In Skypiea you could swim in a cloud in the sky. What’s a floating saltwater tree compared to that?”

“Then this is a tree growing higher than the clouds, Usopp. From sea level.”

That does sound ridiculous, he can admit.

“It’s a tree,” Nami groans the next day. Overnight the ship traveled significantly closer to the speck, now a more complicated looking blob that becomes much clearer with the telescope. Through the lens she can see the edge between the tree and sky clearly. Moss and vines are apparent now, too. Odd lumps reveal themselves to be knots and welts where limbs once were. There aren’t many branches in view, the canopy likely condensed in the clouds.

Usopp snickers next to her, “and you dared question the great sniper Usopp!”

Luffy interjects while she punches Usopp in the back of the head. “What’s a big tree doin’ in the middle of the ocean? It get lost like Zoro?”

“I don’t know,” she responds softly, questioning. She thinks Robin may have ideas, but after asking for her thoughts they still don’t have adequate guesses.

“Trees have quite massive root systems. It’s possible that this one’s go deep in the water and have anchored to something below. Or maybe the distribution of weight keeps it upright. Either way I couldn’t guess how it got here.” All Nami can do is sigh in response.

Without verbalizing it, the Strawhats are in agreement that the tree is their next stop. It falls in line with the route they were already traveling, and the crew never turns down a sidequest. Especially not after nearly a week without touching land. Nami figures they could make contact in less than two days with the winds coming in.

Intense winds make the branches rustle. Smaller twigs break off and fall into the marsh below. The bird chatter dies as they nestle themselves into crevices of bark. Rodents scurry the length of the tree to find refuge in clumps of leaf and sticks. There’s a stillness hanging in the air, one thick with moisture. The sign of a storm. The two figures make their way down, finding their dwelling in the base of the tree. This is how it goes. Creatures live in one tree, but live like nomads as the microclimates change with weather and time. They read the signs. They are ready.

A storm delays their arrival by another day. Nami isn’t sure how she misread the sky patterns, but it isn’t unusual for the Grand Line. She’s frustrated but she knows her reading will improve with time.

The sunlight begins to touch the water and the clouds begin to part when the Merry gently rocks while approaching the tree. The root systems span a wide diameter, serving as the base for marsh and wetland conditions. Lush grasses and shrubs emerge on the roots above the water, while the ones below are fuzzy with algae. Minnows weave through their habitats between the root structures. Bunches of lily pads and mosses part as the Merry charges forward, scraping the woven foundation of the tree.

The vibrations are noticed by the creature sleeping at the base. It wakes, rises with a careful shift of bones, and slowly makes its way outside to scout. The other remains asleep.

Nami and Sanji are the only ones awake on board. The navigator feels a deep relief at having made it, tired from surprises from the past few days. The cook rose earlier to begin the preparation of breakfast. He meets her on the deck to confirm their arrival. He’s already fawning too much and insisting he can moor the boat for her. It irritates her but she lets him do it if it means a break from his attention for a few minutes.

She does, however, step out onto the…shore with him. She’s curious about this land—this organism that became its own land. She wonders what lives here, what kind of life blooms in such isolation. If anyone else has set foot here.

Sanji becomes a distant sound as her eyes take in the landscape, the seascape. Nami feels a sense of security at the base of such a massive presence. As she looks up, the tree extends endlessly into the sky, asserting its height and wisdom. It withstood a storm with ease, now standing calmly in the water. Still. 

A rustling sound brings her gaze back in front of her and she feels her stomach drop. All security she felt is now gone.

A lion.

A golden, massive cat is before her. It’s beautiful, with a mane that sticks up like streaks of grass. Its color is saturated, a deep gold unlike the pale yellow she associates with these beasts. It’s crouched within the overgrown vegetation. She realizes it’s stalking her. She’s alone. Sanji is less than a hundred paces away, but she can’t get herself to call out to him. Afraid it’ll trigger the lion’s instincts.

But Sanji, ever the sense for a woman in distress, turns to her after the mooring is complete. His voice dies out as he registers her panic and immediately moves on instinct. In the moment he takes a few steps her way, the lion creeps forward one. He easily closes the distance between himself and his crewmate, reaching to move towards the animal when a voice calls out.

“Hin,” it says. Firm. Meaningful.

The lion blinks, ears twitch. It rises to its full height and waves its tail, but it doesn’t break its gaze with Nami and Sanji.

They hear more footsteps. Nami takes her chances by moving her gaze from the beast and to the origin of the sound. She sees you.

You are what she least expected to see in this environment. A person, firstly. Specifically a person with a grounded presence, purposeful. Dirtier than herself, as to be expected. But stable. Sure of yourself. And unwelcoming, eyes on alert as you scan Nami and Sanji’s faces, take in the exchange occurring before you decided to intervene.

She’s not sure how to proceed, especially alone with Sanji while everyone else is sleeping on the Merry. Her instincts are alert, but less with run hide fight and more with determination to prevent Sanji from escalating things. She can sense the new tension in him after having a glance at you, gearing up her fist to punch him swiftly as soon as he begins: “Oh wow! What pleasure do I have to—”

She feels that these first moments are crucial. She hasn’t felt an intensity like this since journeying with Vivi in the deserts of Alabasta. Something about an unknown landscape holding people who are lost, looking for something. Adding to the map of their own lives. She feels that from you. Wants to participate.

She smiles nervously. “Sorry, we don’t mean any trouble. We’ve been sailing for days and saw this tree along the way. We figured it’d be a good place to reset before getting back on the water.” There’s no reaction after she pauses. She adds, “We’re just hoping to spend a night or two here, maybe find some food, explore if you’ll let us. We really don’t mean any harm.”

There’s a moment where she panics, wondering if there’s a language barrier she wasn’t prepared for. But you look like you understand her words. Still on guard, but opening to curiosity. You look towards the lion again.

“Hin,” you say, just as firm. The beast turns to you as you cock your head to the side, away from Nami. The animal turns slowly, looks back at the pair of pirates, and walks its way back to you. The exchange is not unlike the way Nami called for Usopp the other day.

After an excruciating silence you finally respond to her: “Who are you and how did you find us?”

Nami explains briefly that they’re pirates, but not the bad kind. You don’t seem to care either way, or at least until she repeats that they simply stumbled upon this tree while sailing to their next destination. It wasn’t intentional, or even on the map. She adds that they were just at Long Ring Long Land, but it makes you frown further in confusion.

It only takes a moment for you to remember the original implied request by Nami. You nod briefly, “It’s fine. You can stay for a few days.”

Nami sighs in relief, thankful to not experience your rejection or have one of their crew resort to violence to persuade you.

“But on my terms,” you add.

Nami grimaces, already imagining the way Luffy would violate every possible term you could propose. But she nods again, hopeful.

It’s not so bad, it turns out. You help them choose a better spot to moor the Merry and secure it in place with Nami while Sanji returns aboard to prepare breakfast. You’re gentle and helpful, but Nami still feels a slight intimidation. She assumes it’s at least partly from the massive predator watching her every move. While she’s curious, she avoids asking too many questions since Robin will ask them again later.

Luffy is still sleepy when he wakes and is quickly fed, which helps to keep him subdued. He does immediately fall into the water upon leaving the ship, leaning too far forward while looking at the roots in the water, and has to be surfaced by an annoyed Zoro. You show the crew around the marshy base of the tree and the small room you’ve made out of a particularly twisty bundle of roots. You then demonstrate to them how you make your way around: a system of vines and pulleys and weights that makes Zoro wince at its overcomplicated nature. Luffy bypasses this by shooting his arm towards the next branch and sweeps everyone into his other arm as he pulls himself in the air.

You then show them your gardening space by the second branch. A particularly odd twist in the tree’s trunk creates a series of small hills that drain into a pond. Lush rows of planted crops are growing, some bearing fruit or vegetables. You explain that they can have some of the fresh fruit and vegetables, but that they’ll mostly have to take preserves. But you're also willing to help them forage for other foods—the varying climates of the different branches offering a sizable variety.

Before Sanji can blurt out a nonsensical compliment and Luffy can grab a handful of whatever’s closest, you state firmly, “In exchange for my food and docking here for a few days, you will abide by these rules: you must keep your disruption to the other animals to a minimum, including killing and eating them. You also can’t damage the tree or the environments on it.”

Luffy immediately begins to pout while Sanji blabbers that he will make you the finest vegetarian cuisine in exchange for your hospitality. The others just nod in affirmation. Except for Zoro.

“You some tree guardian or somethin’?” he asks.

You huff, amused. “It’s complicated.”

It doesn’t turn out to be that complicated, just a long story that Luffy nods off to. You try to be brief, explain that you were on a research trip to study an island near your home in the South Blue. A storm came, swept you away to wake up cradled in the salty roots of the massive tree. You thought you were dead, especially after turning and making eye contact with Hin, one of the lions from the island that had been tagged for research. At the very least if you weren’t dead, you assumed you would be shortly. It was a delicate dance of asserting authority that became a sort of skeptic symbiosis. Lions are hard to read. Some days he looks at you with an intensity that registers as keep your distance , others you’ll comfort each other through a cold night. You think the mutual loss of prior kinship contributes to the unconventional relationship, but you’re still aware he could end your life at any moment he wanted. Even though he hasn’t in the past five years of opportunity.

Usopp shudders and mumbles to himself while attempting to spot said creature below, “I just don’t get why you’d keep a giant predator around. Push him in the water or something.”

Robin intervenes. “The South Blue? That must mean the tree is floating through the ocean. You’ve never touched land since arriving? I’d imagine the currents and winds would bring you to shore at some point.”

You just shake your head, having the same assumptions.

“That means you passed through the calm belt,” Nami realizes. “How would something like this get through there?”

Again you don’t know. You don't even know what the Calm Belt means. You’ve long since resigned the impossibility of things to the great mystery of the world. Plants and animals you can study, get familiar with and build knowledge (though they’re impossible in their own smaller ways). Matters of nonsensical geology and weather patterns were beyond the understanding of a single person.

You notice Zoro and Luffy are like that too. They don’t seem to mind that there are things they’ll never know. They just want to nap or swing through the branches. You notice that others in their crew see mysteries as the reason to keep going. Robin’s fascination and Nami’s confusion motivate them to take action and find answers. You notice that the rest are preoccupied with something else entirely. A sense of duty to a purpose. You notice it’s more of an alignment chart than it is a system of categories.

While you feel surrounded by great mysteries, you do know that you miss home. You resigned to never having the opportunity to return, so it was a safe longing that didn’t inspire you to take action, to take risk. You realize that while these pirates all have different means of navigating their mysteries, they’re taking a risk together. Some don’t see it as a risk as much as a necessity. You wonder how hard that decision was for them to make. You realize that you now have to make a decision of your own. There’s no rush, you have a few days to mull it over. A few days isn’t nearly enough time, but it’s a small comfort.

You help them explore the length of the tree and at night help Sanji prepare a meal at the top of the crown. He’s unfamiliar with some of the ingredients and you explain what you know of their flavors and best methods of preparation. You’re a mediocre cook, but the information is helpful regardless. Chopper asks you about your knowledge of their medicinal properties. You tell him that you can share your notes and show him how to care for them if he wants to take any with him when they leave.

Nami makes a complicated face. “You… you’re staying here?”

You think about your mom and your sister. Your dad. Close friends, other researchers. The rest of the world that exists out there. You think about Hin and all the life you’ve made intricate relationships with. 

“I don’t know,” you say.

The sun falls through the clouds while everyone eats their meal. Sanji has to prevent Luffy from grabbing stray birds that linger in the canopy after he finishes his plate. The clouds turn pink, orange, red, a twinge of purple. As the sky fades into its deep sleepy blue, you remember your third rule.

“Don’t go in the water after sunset.”

Usopp makes a “huh?” sound while Robin excitedly asks why.

“It’ll eat you alive.”

Despite Usopp’s worries, the Merry is fine the next day. He was torn between being too afraid to sleep in the boat out of fear he would also dissolve in his sleep, and wanting to be with her in case anything happened. He felt sick to his stomach watching you demonstrate a few clippings of your hair turn into nothingness. Luffy thought it was awesome and Nami thought Robin looked the happiest she’s been in over a week.

When the sun rises you share your herbal notes with Chopper and your accounts on the island with Robin. You’re embarrassed at the personal nature of some of your entries, but figure the details would be forgotten eventually after she leaves. You notice your internal monologue is assuming you’re staying again. Luffy’s new favorite activity is to swing through the tree branches in a one-sided race with the monkeys, but Zoro spends his day strength training at the bottom out of fear that Luffy will fall and drown himself. Nami explores with Sanji, attempting to create a map while the cook forages. Usopp is forced to tag along to be Nami’s buffer.

The whole day Hin is clingy, more affectionate than usual. It makes Chopper nervous that the lion is hanging around you all day, but Hin barely acknowledges him. You aren’t sure whether it’s because of the visitors or if it’s triggered by something else.

The Strawhats decide they’ll want to stay a couple more nights. Usopp thinks he can gather material to do some decent maintenance on the Merry and get her in a confident position with some time. You’re glad you get a little longer to be in their presence. You can’t help but notice that the decision is already made: that you can’t leave. But maybe a few more days will convince you otherwise. Hin still won’t leave your side.

On what the Strawhats decide is their last full day with you, an unexpected storm rages through. You show them how you wait them out at the base of the tree, a secure place with less wind and more distance from lightning. The storm is pretty average until there’s one particular strike of lightning that radiates through the entire length of the tree. Your heart drops as you feel a splintering sound resonating through your entire body. It’s paired with a short period of deafness that ends just before there’s a massive splashing sound. The base of the tree rocks, lurches upwards with your stomach and then slams back into the water. There’s the chattering of birds, howls of monkeys, buzzing of insects all moving away. In the distance.

In all your time on this floating ecosystem, you have witnessed animal migration. Some birds leave for a season, others never return. New insects appear out of the blue along with grasses and fruits and fish. The nature of a groundless entity puts it in constant range of new variables, new lives that come and go for varying lengths of time.

Never has there been a mass evacuation of life.

When you run outside the sky is still pouring. A mist simultaneously rises from the ocean and you’re immediately drenched. There is no canopy to shelter the rain. The tree has fallen. Your livelihood, all your relationships and meaning, plummeted in the ocean. It’s still afloat, a mile onwards into the mist of the sea. But it’s gone. It will never be upright again. You can tell by the way the bottom is shredded, splintered into a million pieces. You’ve never seen growth below the second branch, no watershoots to suggest the tree could embrace a new trunk. 

Even if there was a chance for survival, it wasn’t in your lifetime. It would take hundreds if not thousands of years for there to be even a fraction of the biodiversity that occupied this space seconds ago. You know the world is a cruel place. After days of resigning yourself to staying, with no temptation towards a life-long journey of returning home, you are forced to realize it is the only way forward. You immediately entertain dying here. It hurts to imagine Hin dying with you.

Your brain moves a mile a minute, contemplating sending Hin with the pirates to their next island. Let him try to rebuild his life while you die with yours.

You feel his presence beside you. It’s cold. He steps forward.

The memory of his affections is distant as you watch him. His steps hold intent, they do not waver. You call for him in your mind. Turn back. At least look back at me. You can’t stop him, can’t even call out to him, knowing that nothing will change his mind. He marches onwards. You know that you cannot follow.

The Strawhats stay another day.

You have to go with them. It’s the clear decision, has been since their arrival. You deny it, have been denying it despite it waving obviously in your face. You hate the clarity that this was inevitable. Hin’s affections replay through your mind. He knew too. He was prepared before the storm came, the moment the pirates stepped foot on your land, before they spotted your tree on their ship. Even the Strawhats knew, Nami’s confusion the first night resurfacing in your memory.

It’s unfair, so unfair. You spent five years building something, finding your niche and your way to coexist in such a rich and unique environment. Again you remember your mom, your sister. You remember the injustice you felt when you first washed up in the basket of roots in the ocean face to face with the king of the jungle.

Chopper is helping you salvage the remaining flora you can find to propagate on the ship. You have a library of seeds still mostly intact that Sanji moves to a room in the Merry for you. Robin collects your journals and works with Nami to dry out the ones that were damaged in the storm. Luffy is excited to have you aboard. Usopp comforts you poorly and Zoro doesn’t even try. You appreciate all of it, but simultaneously seethe with anger.

Nami checks in with you after doing what she can with the books.

“I can’t fight,” you admit out of nowhere. A thought that had been sitting in your throat in a way that made it hard to swallow. Until Nami appeared and it leaped without warning.

She smiles softly. “It’s okay. I wasn’t much of a fighter either. Still not compared to the others.”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fight.” You did when you were little, with your peers and your family. You fight yourself these days.

“It doesn’t matter. You’ll be plenty of help no matter what.”

You look at her suspiciously and shake your head. Your eyes naturally travel down and towards the ship, the bundles of leaves from the tangerine trees and the early stages of their fruit. You speak without thinking again.

“You know if you pruned your tangerines better you could yield at least double your fruit.”

Nami smiles brightly.

You have fantasies of the tree growing back. In a few thousand years time there will be a new ecosystem flourishing. A new mixture of life will grow and fauna will migrate and emigrate in stages, cycles. It’s a beautiful, hopeful vision that keeps your heart lukewarm as you feel the coldness of abandonment.

You’re the last one on board the Merry. Before you go you take a long look at the remnants of what was once your home. The trunk split just before the curve that you made your garden, preserving the collections of your life artifacts. Over the past few days the length of the tree up to its canopy has drifted significantly into the distance. You can vaguely see it in the water, just an inch or so below the surface with small branches breaking through the surface. Of course it’s drifting in the opposite direction of where the Strawhats are going next.

When you raise your foot off the island and onto the first step of the Merry, you hear a bubbling and rippling behind you. When you turn you see the collection of roots and stump begin to sink into the ocean's depth.

A pain flares in your chest. You march towards your room, slam the door, lock it. Sob into your pillow.

Grief is funny. It’s also gut wrenching. You think it might be the only constant in your life. In the next few days on the Merry you’re too blinded by yours to see that it’s a constant in everyone else’s. The Strawhats all have their own special dance with loss, ones that make them annoying about yours. It takes a while to realize they’re offering you what they need. You try to offer it back, communicate your own preferences. Some get it better than others.

Chopper is the one you find yourself around the most. Your trades coincide and you learn from one another. You teach Chopper about what you were able to salvage and start growing on the Merry. It begins your healing process in a painful way, one that constantly reminds you of what you lost. But it helps you preserve it, transform it, share its beauty with others and make it immortal—something you never imagined. Chopper shows you his own collection of herbs and medicinals, and then the ones he’s attempting to grow on the ship. He explains his process and concerns. You suggest some maintenance strategies and offer to work with his plants to see what works best for them. He looks so happy.

It’s comforting to have an animal presence. You haven’t communicated with people in so long that you’ve forgotten how to read them. Your speech is awkward too, having written to yourself for the past few years and rarely communicated orally with words. You realize your response time is often delayed and that conversation doesn’t run smoothly. But you can understand Chopper’s behaviors, his little mannerisms and particular looks. You get the sense that it’s unsettling to him, but he appreciates it once he’s used to it. Some days when you’re working together not a single word makes its way between you two. But it’s healing. Familiar.

You find yourself on edge around Sanji. He’s an overbearing presence in your grief, one that drives him to constantly check on you and offer you comforts. It’s irritating. You sometimes think that he’s trying to catch you off guard and see you at your weakest. You aren’t sure what makes you think that, maybe because you struggle to differentiate when he’s offering you comfort or making a pass at you.

One day in the far future it’ll make sense. You’ll learn things about him that will make you want to ensure you’re there for him every moment of the day. But for now you try to recognize this as his way of showing love and care. You wonder why it has to look like this. You embrace it as best you can, offer some constructive comments so the benefits go both ways.

“If you make me my comfort foods all the time they won’t have the same effect every time I eat them.”

An unreadable expression passes through his face before he begins to apologize. You don’t let him. 

“It’s okay, I appreciate your efforts. I want to eat your food though, too.”

His face immediately flushes and he vows to serve you his finest cuisines. It’s too much, you can’t look at him when he thinks so highly of you. You look down at your meal and finish it quietly.

You’re not ready to say goodbye to the Going Merry. 

When the time comes and Luffy’s decision is made, you can’t stomach the argument, the fight that occurs outside. Robin’s gone too and you’re trying to sort out how you’ll relocate the plants, preserve the seeds and your library. Fixating on plans is how you distract yourself, trick your brain into moving forward instead of spiraling in on itself.

You want to reach out to Usopp, tell him you understand and that it’s unfair. But you don’t understand, will never feel for the Merry what Usopp does. The Merry was your last resort, and not even what you put above dying. For Usopp the Merry was a gift. A treasure offered by a childhood partner and a reflection of himself, his potential. A potential rejected by his closest friends.

As you predicted, you’re useless throughout Water 7 and Enies Lobby. You’re quick on your feet, can work out a plan pretty quickly. You’re able to diffuse some tense moments, even if your mediation feels surface level. But you can’t fight—or rather, can’t get yourself to fight. It’s okay in the end. You—your crew—win(s).

Even so, you can’t find a moment of peace. There’s another crew member—one that’s loud and a little tactless but you don’t want to judge prematurely, especially after seeing the way Robin looks at him. You can’t stomach this feeling that you overstepped, saw too much too soon in both Usopp and Robin’s lives that you were never meant to know. You have the gall to apologize, Usopp first because he’s less intimidating.

He looks at you sheepishly but brushes it off easily. “It’s bound to happen, ya know? How do you think I felt watching your whole home-tree thing and friend disappear a few days after meeting you?”

He makes a fair point, even as he rambles on about how he’s fine and that he’s too great to be held back by things like that. It takes him a second to realize his potentially offensive implications of the way you’ve dealt with your loss, but you know enough about the sniper by now to understand what he’s trying to communicate.

You tell him that you would be sad too. You briefly relate it to your own feelings as of late. You tell him that if he ever wants company that you’re there for him.

His eyes well with tears as he sputters and scoffs. He turns away from you to wipe his eyes as he tries to flip the script and offer you a shoulder to cry on. The next day he’s in your greenhouse-office and you make him a blend of herbal tea as he shares with you his favorite moments on the Merry. You believe him. You have no other choice. It offers the opportunity to learn about the people you’re cohabitating with, how they came together and what brought them here now.

You’ll cross check the validity later with Nami, but for now you believe every word Usopp says. It’s what he needs from you for his healing.

You find yourself frustrated with Robin. Every attempt you’ve made at conversation with the goal of delivering your apology gets hijacked by a slew of questions for you. You think it may be like your own tendency to organize and plan to distract yourself: Robin takes in information to preoccupy her mind. For you to apologize would be to recognize what happened to her and admit that you were a witness. At some point that exchange will assist her healing, but for now you entertain her curiosities and hope that Franky is able to reach her.

You and Nami have the opposite relationship. Something about her makes you too quick to admit your feelings, even when her questions have nothing to do with them. It’s what let your guard down when she first set foot on your island and what had you sharing your insecurities before you came aboard. You don’t feel ready to share what she always pulls out of you. You never will be. You can tell she’s trying to confront you while also giving you proper space and you can’t help but hope she somehow understands the tension within you. That you want her comfort and her ease, but acknowledging these things about yourself will force you to move forward, take a step out of the darkness that connects you with your home.

You think she may know a thing or two about that, which is even more a reason to keep your distance.

“The tangerines have been growing really well,” she tells you one day. You think she’s caught on and is trying to give you space.

“Thanks,” you mumble, burying your face in the branches as you pick a few more and place them in your basket. You feel that Nami wants to say more, but you’re too flustered to leave the foliage. She walks off after a moment and Luffy pouts from afar. Why is it okay when you pick the tangerines?

The captain walks into your greenhouse-office one morning and witnesses your vulnerability. You had a hard time sleeping, mind racing with what if’s and hypotheticals and the same narratives you’ve been running through your mind for years. Luffy catches you in the middle of a crying session, tenderly checking the leaves of the saplings you’re nursing with blurry vision.

Upon being caught you try to reign yourself back into normalcy. You wipe your eyes with embarrassment and cough to level your voice. “Hey Luffy, sorry I didn’t—”

But he smiles, wraps his arms around you seven-fold and holds you close. He’s warm, like a heated blanket, like another body in the rain to keep you safe. You choke out another sob, one you didn’t know you had in you. You realize you haven’t been held like this since before Hin walked forwards and never looked back. You wonder where he is, where that tree took him. Who was waiting for him.

Luffy just snickers, in a wholesome way. One that finds your insecurities amusing because he thinks they’re silly (not that you voiced them; he just knows). Of course the Strawhats will be your family, hold onto you until you achieve your dream and then a little longer. Even when you push and push and keep everyone at a distance unless they’re trying to keep a distance from you.

You learn that Luffy is a great void for your most absurd or intrusive thoughts. He doesn’t remember them and his reactions make them feel like they might not be worth the world to entertain.

“What if I die before I see my sister again?” You blurt one day while the two of you are sitting on the head of the Sunny. It’s a spot you like to lay to soak up the warmth of the sun, but only by yourself. Sometimes being with Luffy is like being alone.

“Huh? That’d suck,” he says nonchalantly. “But you won’t, you’re strong.”

You can’t begin to fathom why he thinks that. But he’s so confident it breaks your line of thinking. This repeats a few times throughout the day.

“Sometimes I think that Hin left so easily because I didn’t mean anything to him.”

“That’s dumb, sometimes you just have to be somewhere,” he says easily. Pauses. “Why’s he called that anyways?”

You look up from where you're sitting to glance at Luffy’s face. He’s standing next to you, staring in the distance like he has better things to worry about, such as what Sanji’s making for dinner and the like. You can see the glow of golden hour sitting on his skin and his hat.

“It means the..” you trail off. From this angle, Luffy’s hat makes a perfect halo around his head. His unruly hair sticks out like a mane. Like light diffusing from one central bright light.

“The sun.”

(You think about how the crew agreed to name this ship the Sunny. You think about how Franky put a lion on the front before he heard anything about how you joined the Strawhats.)

You lay in that same spot the next day, soaking in the sun and letting your mind wander. You try to remind yourself of the reality you’re existing within.

Footsteps come from behind you. They’re heavy, Zoro’s. You aren’t sure why he’s coming this way. He usually naps at the bottom of the staircase and trains in the lookout tower. You sit up, ready to leave if he has plans to use the space. Of everyone, Zoro is the one you’re simultaneously the most comfortable with and reserved around. He keeps to himself in a way that makes you feel like you should too. 

To your surprise, he mumbles a “sorry” when he sees you and makes to turn around and go back down the stairs.

You call out to stop him. “I can leave if you want to be here.”

“Don’t. I won’t bother you, I can nap somewhere else.”

“You should nap here if you want,” you encourage him.

He’s quiet for a moment. “Don’t wanna make you nervous.”

He thinks he scares you, you realize. He has a shimmer of reluctance in his gaze that looks out of place. Usually you’re awkward around him because his stare reminds you of the intensity of a predator. An animal with a roar that rules as king in the hierarchy of life. At first it was too much, but now it makes you realize that the beings you love are everywhere. Hin might be gone, but you have Zoro. These archetypes will repeat in your life for as long as you live. They’re different, of course, but there’s a reason you keep finding one another.

“You won’t,” you tell him confidently. “You don’t.”

Sleeping in the same space as Hin was how you grew to be confident in your trust of him and his in you.

You ask, “Can I lay here while you nap?”

He frowns at the fact that you would ask. “Of course.”

You find a middle ground with Nami. You like looking at her maps, seeing the expanse of space that exists that you’ve never set foot on. Places you may have been minutes from and never known. You like the way the paper wrinkles ever so slightly with the touch of ink on its surface. When it dries it sits mostly flat again, but there’s a slight warpage you can feel by running your fingers over the lines. You’re watching her draw one evening when she starts talking about her mom and sister. You don’t interject, just nod to yourself and give the occasional hum of affirmation that you’re listening.

You smile to yourself. “I hope I get to fight with my sister again one day.”

A knock on the door interrupts whatever Nami’s reply would have been. It’s Chopper, excited about an observation he made in the greenhouse that he wants your opinion on. You look at Nami apologetically and tell her you’ll talk more later. You want to hear more about her life in the village. She smiles sheepishly, realizing how much she rambled. Your heart pounds excitedly as Chopper grabs your hand and guides you to your office despite knowing you know how to get there. You fight the urge to scoop him in your arms.

One day while you’re napping on the Sunny’s lion, Zoro in his own slumber against one of the pieces of the mane, a slight drizzle starts to fall. It wakes you gently and just as the weather picks up into a heavier rain. You’re disoriented, but stand and close the gap of a few strides to where Zoro is still sleeping. You shake him gently, urge him to wake up.

He has the nerve to look annoyed and ask why you woke him.

“C’mon Zoro, we should nap inside. We’re gonna get sick in the rain.”

He raises an eyebrow, unbudging. You give his arm a push but he’s motionless. You give up, try to step over him and to the deck, slip a little but catch yourself on the railing.

Zoro sighs and stands. He somehow scoops you around your front and grabs the back of your knees in a one-handed bridal carry. You would protest but he’s warm and you’re still sleepy despite being somewhat damp. Zoro gets onto the deck with ease and walks down to the closest sheltered area. There he sits and places you next to him so that you lean against his shoulder for support. He falls back asleep immediately. You’re too tired to think about the familiarity and the warmth of waiting out the rain. You fall asleep quickly.

It gets easier with time despite the continuing uncertainty. It’s a constant question of what to do, how to get back home, if your family would even be there still. The crew knows you’re struggling, that you don’t know what path to follow. They’re here for you, welcoming you with open arms even as you think about leaving them. But you were never good at making decisions, always moving through life by the only option left.

The default here is to stay and follow everyone else’s journey. Luffy asks if you have a dream. You don’t. That’s never been what moves you forward.

It’s another night in a bar with the Strawhats. Not much of a drinker, you learn to assume the role of designated navigator to the Sunny while Zoro helps carry the ones who can’t walk. As you’re trying to rally everyone to head back, Luffy lets out a loud laugh and points to something on the wall.

“Hey! Looks like you finally got a bounty, hahaha!”

You look to where he’s pointing and freeze. The poster definitely has a resemblance but the person in the portrait has lighter eyes and a different haircut than you. Your noses are slightly different. You yank the paper off the wall and read your sister’s name at the bottom. Your heart is thrumming in your ears, body on fire as you stare.

Sanji takes your silence as fear that you have a bounty and drunkenly pats your back. Then he slings an arm over your shoulder and leans his weight on you for support. “It’s okay, we’ll protect you. Your portrait looks good even if it’s a little inaccurate.”

You fold the poster and shove it in your pocket, urging everyone to get moving. Before you leave the bar you do a quick scan of the room to see everyone’s face. She’s not here. You leave.

The next morning you stand by the kitchen counter as you watch Sanji prepare and serve breakfast for everyone nursing their hangovers. You watch them grumble, some of them argue despite it being so early in the day. You think fondly about how they’ve become your family when you needed it most. You recount hugs, late night conversations, tears, naps, lingering together in silence. You think about the poster in your pocket.

You didn’t sleep much last night, preoccupied with what-ifs and hypotheticals. Questions of who your sister has joined on the water, how she got there, how she’s doing. You think that you should get a bounty of your own, to show her that you’re still out there too. You imagine an unexpected run in on the open water. One where you show each other the people you’ve met and tell stories of all that’s happened while you’ve been apart. You imagine your crews working together, maybe they become one giant crew. More realistically you’ll eventually part your separate ways. But it’s the kind of parting that comes with the chance for return, a reassurance that you’re allies and there will be an again. You can say “see you later.”

You’re standing there too long. Sanji looks at you with confusion as to why you aren’t coming to eat. Luffy just shoots an arm over and pulls you between himself and Nami.

“Let’s eat!” he cheers. “Or I can eat your food if you aren’t hungry.”

You can’t hold back your smile. Luffy’s arm is still partially wrapped around your waist from where he grabbed you and you put yours around his waist to hug him back. You put your other arm around Nami and hug her too.

She yelps and her face flushes. “Wh-what’s up with you this morning?”

Luffy just giggles and hugs you harder. You love them. You beam and put your head against Luffy’s. “Nothin’. Just excited for breakfast.”

You feel like you have all the time in the world.

ok i'm finally done with my crossposting & can breathe again

[science-lings]

okay this has been going through my mind for days and I have to get my thoughts out before I explode

Disclaimer, this is not talking about a specific artist/person and would never condone or participate in anon hate or online bullying for any reason but especially this one. 

I get why people are mad about Link being portrayed as this buff, hypermasculine, tall guy. I am too (again don’t fucking attack people over it though) and it seems like such an infuriating way to change the character just to fit into some ideal of hypermasculine attractiveness or to make a ship fall into a more hetero lense by making him a decent foot taller than whatever girl he’s being paired with. 

The world of video games and action movies and every form of media ever is extremely saturated with male characters that are swole and manly and whatever other descriptors people are trying to push onto Link that don’t fit into his actual character. There are so many characters out there that already fit this male standard and having a clearly androgynous elf guy was like a breath of fresh air. 

Link was literally designed to be a character whose lines on gender were blurred, ‘a girl with a masculine touch or a guy with a feminine touch’ so that anyone could project themselves onto him. His physical design in botw/totk was specifically made to be feminine enough to wear a certain outfit to pass as a woman (which includes a nearly mandatory cutscene where he puts on the clothes and blushes after being called pretty, like you have to be blind to think that its an experience that he doesn’t like at all) and in totk there are a bunch of outfits made for Link that are blatantly gnc, ones that are practically dresses, include nail polish and lipstick, you can even dye his hair bright and vivid colors and that’s half way to giving him new pronouns. The whole reason Linkle isn’t included in more mainline loz games was because her existence would force Link into a gender dichotomy, if there's a clearly female version of the main hero, that means the main hero has to be a man, and they would rather abandon a potential reoccurring character than make Link conform to a gender binary. 

So pardon me when it feels disingenuous and even malicious for him to be morphed into these clear masculine ideals, where he towers over any female romantic partner (even when in canon he is regularly depicted as noticeably shorter than her) or even in m/m fanworks he’s really beefed up, perhaps to make the scene feel more gay or something. 

Perhaps it’s because his more twink-y/ femboy body type is so heavily sexualized (though obviously when people are sculping abs on him it’s totally not because they’re horny about it) and that’s an issue in itself that bothers me. But it’s just so tiring to see one of the very few popular main characters who is short and feminine and androgynous be molded into just another bland muscle-headed action hero over and over and over again. 

I’m not mad at the creators for portraying him differently than how I like him portrayed, I’m mad because we really do get so few characters like him in good popular media, and to be honest, I really like him the way that he is. I love that he’s tiny and has long hair and has the option to dress any way the player likes. It seems a little distasteful to make him taller than a female love interest just because that’s how straight couples have to be, there’s just never been a real straight couple where the guy is shorter than the girl, that’s just Impossible! (/s) 

[theirloveisgross]

28op trousers?!

musician bradley simpson's new photoshoot for principle magazine.

28 clothing was tagged in the photo and mentioned in the caption.

thanks to this tweet for bringing it to my attention.

[boviform]

Okay, sorry but is anyone else going insane over the new longform on the latest Patreon livestream?? I absolutely love the dynamic of weird mortician and lonely assassin - literally 'me and the bad bitch I pulled by being autistic'. And the whole confrontation at the end!! I mean, can you imagine what could've been if Pyotr had agreed to give up his ways?? They could have been so happy! I want them to go on holiday around Europe and hold hands!!

[horsemeatluvr23]

the juppet !! i just realised he is jerma posing i swear that was unintentional...... i spent so long digging thru muppet concept art and looking at old puppet designs just to end up doing a rly simple drawing but. i love joehills!! i have only been watching them for like 4 years but their videos r so special to me :3

[my-fancy-hat]

My last remaining hope for asa's recent characterization about her sudden unthoughtfulness (from a character who trait is overthinking) and extreme adaptation to the point of comformity has to do with famine's influence. Ever since she started working for the church asa has become indifferent and apathetic toward kiga actions as well the consequences of hers. Only last chapter asa reacted against yoru but that quickly brushed aside without further conflicts between them like an expected breaking point in their trust for each other. Who would accept on keep on living inside the same mind as her assaulter? who not only hurt you but the person you love?

In moments of huge revelations asa doesn't bother to think much about them: a initial reaction and she still keeps on working for the church/kiga, and well she doesn't reflect on her romantic conflicted feelings for denji/CSM. The guy who dumped you and, due to it, pushed you to suicide, is the same who save you and you been dedicating your life to...

One may say this is the result of character development due falling devil arc, but "progression" shouldn't feel this negative, plain and out of screen. Maybe it has to do with a trauma response but that option requires more work and time to elaborate on it. Either asa is just sadly getting eclipsed by denji to give him the maximun attention writting-wise, or she's been influenced by something else in the story. Like nobana said, after all she went through it's not normal to be this normal. Suddently, asa has become a fami-like person.

She has become less a human and more an animal who just accept anything coming to her. Losing her roof, personal belongings (important things like her mom memories) and her right arm, that just happened. Devils(!) aren't capable of feeling pain or sadness, quoting Barem. Isn't that just... tragically boring on purpouse? A case of devilhood where for denji is bloodlust and for asa is apathy at cruelty?

Maybe Asa has already starved and kiga molded her into her doll without no one noticing, and next on the list is Denji.

[lulu-the-bugaboo]

Seeing how neat Ace's handwriting is as a child (especially compared to Luffy lol) just makes me imagine how patient Sabo must have been with teaching him

He probably had to correct him several times, and when Ace eventually got frustrated and lost his patience, he would encourage him and compliment his progress

They make so soft

[starwikia]

suicide cw

look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i don’t feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope he’s like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am. 

ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.

this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while i’m not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i don’t want to think he has, unfortunately, it’s been proven again and again that his word can’t be trusted, as he’s known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. I’m actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidz™️ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.

He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!

you can’t tell me that supposed last message of his isn’t meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame “look i’m going to kill myself and it’s all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nick’s (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BAD” he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.

it’s also pretty ironic people are like “uhhh well hbomber’s fans harassed him!!!” like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesn’t have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after he’s stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like “hey this guys an actual piece of shit.” and he can’t handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesn’t get that. he doesn’t get that at all just because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions. 

what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT. 

am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i don’t care what anyone says, it’s so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didn’t happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didn’t glorify nazi’s and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesn’t straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying “only the boring gays survived aids” like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!

yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).

The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didn’t need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, you’re not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. you’re done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. it’s not on anyone’s hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.

[essektheylyss]

have a meme entirely out of context that a course reading inspired