#i dont want to work on video games i dont want to watch videos and i cant find any good audio books
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when your first impression on the carpenter's hot son goes wrong just yell "plot twist!" and move on ✩
yeah no jia didn't really give seb a good impression upon first meeting eachother ... it took sebastian a good while to warm up to them because of this (ill draw it... evnetually)
this is based off my gameplay when first encountering sebastian 😭😭 i didnt know you need 2 hearts w a villager to enter ur room (he wasn't there atp) and when i tried to leave he was blocking the way so i just stood there... until he had the "..." speech bubble and ran past me it was SO EMBARRASSING
this is their current impressions of eachother! maybe when i post more comics i'll update it !!
close ups below the cut as always sorry for a super duper long post LOL
face cards......
this is so can we pretend airplanes in the night sky are shooting stars i could really use a wish right now wish right now wish right now
#stardew valley#stardew valley fanart#stardew sebastian#stardew farmer#stardew robin#stardew fanart#sdv fanart#i draw skrunkly#500k word slowburn LMFAO#stardew copium goes crazy i didnt even draw this much comic pages when i was first posting solomon and peri stuff#i drew this instead of sleeping at a normal time yesterday#was it worth it? No i almost died at school today#i dont want to talk about how long i spent on sebastian's pretty face but he deserves it#i watched 7 hours worth of video essays in total.....#anyway im glad i drwe this it was bothering me for a good while#and yes i drew this instead of doing my facking school work#to be fair id rather draw them than program my game or draw assets IDGAF!!! Ok i kinda do bnut uyou get the point#stardew valley sebastian#stardew valley farmer#sdv#sdv sebastian#sdv comic#sdv farmer#stardew comic#if i could pick out a tswift song for them its electric touch
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You’re looking for something— no, someone, too, aren’t you?
(I can’t comprehend how you understand what’s going on, with your lifeless shell. Craft as you are.)
#isat#in stars and time#live a live#isat loop#cube live a live#RAHHHHHH [COMBINES MY FIXATIONS]#behold my crack fic au. tiny robot in dormont#I’m cooking let me cook. cube has the little guy little dude vibes#and is also canonically like. a baby?#their chapter in the game happens the day they were finished#so. a baby.#cube is so <3. their chapter is a space horror#I would 100% recommend at least watching a video of it#IT GOES CRAZYYYYYY#pov flicking a card that says die child die at the floor. so#anyways. this au makes no sense to anyone but me#this is MY funny house and I’m going to play in it#worlds smartest baby [a robot] figures out timeloop shit before the party more at 2#if you ask I WILL ramble abt the concept of this au I will#<- trying desperately to get away from working on my other au post#[I need to draw smth for it and I’m struggling lollll]#sitting here like ughhh I don’t wanna draw this imageee [puts off entire au post]#ANYWAYSSSS#LOOP WOULD HATE THIS KID. the fuck is a robot.#the fuck is this damn thing and how has it read me literally immediately#how dare you be made of craft. be artificial. and be able to read my despair like a book#how dare you; a fake being made by someone else. be more human to me than the people that once were my party#how dare you want to help me when I dont know you because you didn’t EXIST in my loops#…but. uh. thanks for the coffee. even if I can’t drink it I recognize the sentiment. or whatever#falls to the floor dramatically. oughhhh loop and cube ougughhh
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I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...
Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner
*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)
And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -
TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows
This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).
So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.
Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.
Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.
Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).
But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).
In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.
Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.
Now, doing the same thing for movies-
Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)
That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).
116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.
So, a for broader summary stuff..
I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.
If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.
ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.
I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0
#maybe this is my version of spotify wrapped lol.. Lifetime Media Google Doc Wrapped.. kind of.. except I'm not going over specific titles.#I can't do this with music since I rarely EVER look for new music or add to my Youtube To MP3 folder library as I just don't really#listen to music that often. When I'm working (the majority of when I seek background noise) I need like.. people's talking voices#for some reason. Just instruments and singing are not distracting enough to me to work as background noise because theyre#almost TOO in the background if that makes sense? like if I put music on then I just tune it out and it's virtually no different#than if I were daydreaming stream of consciousness thoughts in an entirely quiet room lol. And I can't really do it with books since#essentially 100% of what I read is non-fiction. usually about some specific subject or academic topic OR stuff like#1800s magazines or cookbooks or historical people's diaries. Which is not really.. the type of thing I would#rank as easily I guess? like 'ooh yeah putting the sociology textbook in my top 5 hee hee right next to the 1920s radio recipes book' lol.#Then for games... I just sadly dont play enough of them. I've been banned from new games as I've told myself I cant play anyting#long form (no rpgs or etc) until I actually finish MY OWN game first - to keep me from wasting time. so on average#I play... 0 new games a year. ToT... I do play the sims sometimes but that's really all (which is not a new game at all since#I've been playing it on and off for years). Thus I guess movies/TV are really the only things that make sense#to collect this sort of information on. I could do youtube videos I guess also but that seems kind of strange like...#giving a rating to every single video I watch in a ranked list lol.. Especially since I would say a good 85% of the time#they are exclusively background noise whilst I'm working on something or cleaning the house or etc. and not things I pay serious attention#to. There are only a few specific topics/types/creators of videos I watch where I'm ACTUALLY sitting in front of a screen paying#direct attention to the content (usually when it's educational or political things). Everything else is too mindless to even rank.#ANYWAY... ever analyzing my little hermit Weird Relationship To Media (in the sense of seemingly not processing or getting the same#things out of it as many other seem to). I think that can contribute sometimes to the whole difficulty socializing and stuff#since our culture is very centered around media consumption generally speaking. People want to talk about The New Movie that came#out or The Big TV Show Of The Year. and for me it's like.. highly likely I just plain have NOT seen it. Or if i have. statistically#I most likely was entirely ambivalent if not slightly negative towards it lol. Which just kind of takes the steam out of a 'fun' 'casual'#conversation and you seem like a bit of a bummer if most of your only feedback is either 'idk what that is' or 'oh yea... i did#see that one.... i didnt like it all that much though... I think it'd be better with elves in it.. and 7 hours longer..'' lol..#Which I am not disliking things in a 'grr i hate it bc its popular'/just to be contrarian way. I actually dislike that mindset/find it#silly (by striving so hard to be counterculture you are thus still defining yourself by the whims of external culture - just in the#opposite direction. but are still just as preoccupied with the mainstream (going against it) as everyone else. etc. lol..)) In my#case I think it IS just having niche hyperspecific tastes.. for example- it peeves me when cell phones are in media bc I dont want to be#reminded at ALL of the real world. so.. cross off anything set in modern times. so on & etc. Judging all things by these weird criteria lol
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spend all sunday and monday seeing people read a whole heck of a lot into my annoyance about tagging things that are not ephemeral live blogging with the team lb tags. return wednesday to see a new variation of "team name smush" lb for an individual game. with great sincerity, what the hell am i supposed to mute so i can (a) still see gifsets after a game is over (or interviews. or interesting articles. or video clips. or--) while (b) avoiding the ephemeral live blogging thoughts of my beloved mutuals who support teams i can't stand when i am backreading at 11 pm pacific. i am TRYING to CURATE MY EXPERIENCE
#jess post#bad idea to post this? maybe!#however like. what. do i mute the letters lb and hope it works and resign myself to plahing an eternal guessing game#or not seeing anything ever even when it's been multiple years and said game is long over?#like LOVE that people are finding team community thru the tag but i have so many friends who are not here for the same teams#and i just. i wanna put gifs on my blog. i wanna watch a silly video.#i dont want to scroll through 25 live blog posts in a row caught by my mute#some of which realistically was not ephemeral thoughts.#the system does not work for everyone and i want to complain about it
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youtube stop recommending me that five hour long “fall of doctor who” video challenge. there is not a video i could be less interested in watching.
#the youtube clickbait hyperbole is not doing it any favors. im sure there’s nuance in the video. maybe.#god there must be its five hours long.#but i do not think i am interested in a video that wants to be about ‘the fall’ of doctor who when. far as i can tell. seems more like#occasionally it stumbles. and that’s about it.#AND thirteen being the doctor that’s on the thumbnail is also not helping. im sure im making assumptions there too and its just that she was#the current doctor at the time but. this is youtube. you have a negative video. and you put a woman on there. i am primed to believe you are#about to say something insanely sexist lmao.#anyway. whatever.#its a me thing. i dont like watching negative epic teardowns™️ of stuff im not finished with myself. and doubly so when im unfamiliar with#the creator and don’t know if they’ll just be stomping and yelling at something for hours with no purpose or if they’ve got. anything#to actually offer. idk. it’s the shovelware lover in me i think. im not interested in someone’s negative opinion about a thing unless i know#they’re the kind of person who can respect that people still had to put months or years of work into it. maybe that work did not have a#good outcome but someone had to do it. the effort is worth being documented and looked at and not. i don’t know. yelled at like you’re the#nostalgia critic you know? im rambling on to much here#this is why the only good youtube video is folding idea’s video on the american tail video game. he gets it. its about how bad art is still#worth existing and being examined. and doctor who is far from being bad. so.#………..where was i going with this. its 4 am.
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ouaaaaaghhh i've been on a bit of a pokemon binge lately......... i should crack open my old pokemon games and take a peek at my teams :,) i wish i still had my old copy of conquest and black 2 though............ :(
#gu6chan's musings#im so sad because literally ALL my pokemon games i've had as a teen i still have#up to sun and moon which i got on christmas when i was NINETEEN lmao!!!#but yeah pokemon was technically my first fandom ig???? i used to watch my brother play pokemon yellow and crystal a lot when i was TINY#but i never ACTUALLY played pokemon or video games in general myself until my older sister surprised me with my first video game console#and video game when she came up from florida 😭 a black dsi with pokemon black; i was 13 and my dad HATED her for it like 'Why are you#giving her videogames??? she's a girl :/' BUT I HAD IT!!!! MY FIRST EVER POKEMON GAME THAT BELONGED TO MEEEEE#i loved the SHIT out of that game and then got black 2; soulsilver and platinum; pokemon conquest; got the 3ds games...#i still have platinum/soulsilver as well as all the mainline 3ds games i believe#but conquest; black; and black 2 i lost :( literally my FAVOURITES i took them everywhere with me (which is why i lost them lmao)#funny enough i know exactly where black 2 IS though; its in the pocket of a jacket i owned but lost back between 2013-2014???#if i find the jacket it will 100% be in there; i just couldn't find the jacket and tbh idek if its still around anymore or is in storage#but if it is!!!! i'll literally cry lmao#black 2 is where i got my first level 100 pokemon; a magneton....... i ADORED that little bastard ouaaaghh....#i dont believe i ever managed to get past the league in black 2 though bc i remember being so pissed i couldnt get to see the other side of#the map beyond castelia city lmao#14-15 years old and i STILL didn't believe in stat moves 😭 i deserved to get shot#But fun fact: I DID get a new copy of Black a few years back!!! only it 1. already had save data on it and 2. it was full of rare/hacked#legendaries young me could only ever DREAM of having so i can't get myself to restart the save data even though i rlly want to.......#oh but funny enough!!! i also still have the 14 y/o dsi i was gifted back then; it still works though the battery cover is missing so you#have to hold it lol#but aaaaa so many fond memories of playing black and black 2... black 2 especially since i never really got to finish it lol#like#i finished the main CAMPAIGN with plasma and ghetsis trying to fucking kill you and all that (Something which i remember being so :0!!!?!?!#when i first saw it omgggg its such a clear memory aaaa) but i think like#i got up to the league and could never beat it........ so i just went back to training my mons till i got a level 100 magneton lmao#so many good memories; i hope i can get copies of black 2 and conquest again someday...
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jesus christ episode 5 of arcane was so fucking good
#i am gonna finally finish watching it#do not ask me why i havent finished it yet i dont fucking know#its so god damn good im just fucking terrible at watching things if i have free time i play video games lol#kara stop blogging#arcane#but it was so many banger scenes!!!!! SO MANY BANGER SCENES#the scene where vi spots caitlin in the brothel fuckin rizzing up a woman and vi just gives a little shocked 0_0 :)#the whole dynamic flashing back and forth of jayce being on a fucking HIGH while Viktor is sinking lower and lower into his work and illnes#the badass shots while enemy plays of the underground selling its grit#then the upbrupt stop of the music when it suddenly jumps to jayce sitting in viktors hospital room#viktor asks how long they thing he has and before jayce can answer it JUMPS IMMEDIATELY BACK INTO THE UNDERGROUND WITH THE SONG STARTING-#LIKE IT NEVER FUCKING STOPPED#AUGH#THATS GOOD FUCKING SHIT DUDE!!! THATS CINEMATIC AS HELL!!!#oh the way they portray powder/jinx's flashbacks are so fucking good. so expressive in just how much shes haunted by what happened#how her guilt manifests into ghosts that she cant escape from#genuinely incredible. what a show.#i want to watch another episode but its 3 am
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obviously late to the party on this like 9 years later and not saying anything that hasn't already been said but its sooo interesting going back and watching blind playthroughs of undertale bc its so funny how many of the people drawn to the game immediately fall into the very first pitfall set by it by being so unimaginative that they cannot imagine a game system existing that does not require grinding up levels even as they say to themselves they don't want to kill the characters AND the npcs reference the game mechanics TO them
#obviously its really hard to judge bc from my pov by the time i knew what undertale was in 2015 i already kinda knew how it worked#but its fascinating bc i only ever thought that people would choose to kill the monsters on purpose to get the no-mercy run#OR because they did it accidentally bc they encountered froggits before they got to the point where you are outright told that you can and#are encouraged to show mercy to anything with a yellow name#but ive watched a few people now who immediately get into the game and are somewhat engaging with the story? but on a completely different#level from using the mechanics of the game. theyre like “i dont want to kill this creature” on a story level but can't tie that to their#feelings of how the mechanics SHOULD work in their minds. the only game mechanics they know are Press Kill Button To Progress Forward.#so many of them are like “ahhh but i need xp tho... need to get to a higher lvl...” and its like... Why Exactly DO You Think That?#idk. its incredibly fascinating. its media literacy for video games. why do you think the fighting system and story are disconnected from#one another? so maybe ppl saying “aww this npc is so cuuuute” and then just kill them and im like. What do you THINK the ending is going to#be if this is how you think the game is going to be played? just unwillingness to attach themselves fully to the story. its soo interestin#gamers get away with a loooot when it comes to media literacy in the games they play#anyway alexa stream Conquest of Dread's decolonizing videogames video essay
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Okay this is so fucking stupid but I REALLY need help. I can't even figure out how to word this, but anyone who knows .HTML and coding. Please.
Here it goes: I have been teaching myself absolute BASICS about website coding. Ive basically taught myself how to place text where I want it, place some images/gifs, and buttons. It's a choose your own adventure game- you read the text, you click a button, it takes you to a new page with new text and new buttons. A small project to learn some of those little things.
This in mind: how do I turn this into a browser game? Are there sites that host these things? Do I have to pay for it? Is there something i need to do to make it like... a playable file that i can send as a whole to someone else for text playing??
#i just want to share my shitty little choose your own adventure game with someone so i can like. know it works?#but its all just.... files and folders. which i just dont know what to do with. i dont even know how to put this question#into a short enough sentance to go into youtube or google's search#ive done all of this thru short video tutorials and none of them were..... for this? so i cant even go to a specific video ive watched#for the answer#so if anyone knows anything about this please!!!!! share your knowledge!!!!!#AND IF YOU DONT KNOW PLS GIVE ME AN IDEA HOW TO ASK GOOGLE OR YOUTUBE
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Social media rlly needs to invent a button that lets you post smth purely anonymously. Not so you can be mean or anything but so you can say the thing you're thinking and see how people react without repercussion but still being able to see if you'd be accepted for saying that
#irl shit#this isnt me being like “i want to say smth hateful” or incredibly fucked up btw dont worry#this is just me after playing too many video games and watching too much anime and wanting to say smth dumb as hell#but that also like. i do realize would very much not be a normal thing to post#ALSO please dont fuckin ask what it is. because unless that button comes out and i know it works im not sayin shit
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i think about my ex every day and it haunts me bc i never resolved it/told them all of my feelings of how i loved them but that theyre also an asshole who didnt treat me right and made me feel so insecure and stupid and i wish i could just PUT THE THOUGHTS AWAY FOR NOW
#we were only together for 8 months#but it was the longest relationship id been in#they were 40 i was 26#i drove across town usually late after working all day to see them all the time#their apartment made my allergies HORRIBLE bc of their cat but i went anyway bc i wanted to see them#but they would constantly tease me or jokingly say my pussy smells#they came to my side of down like 3 or 4 times maybe#they always walked like 8 feet in front of me which i hates#they were very negative and miserable#and would get mad at me for asking them about their work#they got mad at me for calling them babe#it felt like i always was pushing their boundaries and it was just me talking or texting them too much#sigh#i need to move on#but my thoughts are unresolved#i miss them but i put them through a lot of pain when i broke up with them and they guilted me and guilted me for months#and i dont want them back in my life after everything#wtf did this person even do for me#i didnt even feel loved by them#i got so tired of just sitting in their apartment all day watching them play video games#anyways end rant#i just wanted more from them
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I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent
#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little#bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the#very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the#house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks#Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a#gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a#treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of#color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration#like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a#auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies#so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk#and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver#but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and#sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an#active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have#been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start#to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've#done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!'#(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks#with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm#secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool#stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers#me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or#it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for#too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been#investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely#enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed#google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj#LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!
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Man, it would be so cool if I could get PAID to write shit. If I stopped writing for a newspaper "for exposure", for school assignments, and strange age regression fanfiction for myself it would he all over for you people.
#idk just watched the new HBomberGuy video#it got me thinking about a huge media analysis essay i just turned in#and a speech i judt gave#where i thought both times 'man i wish i had room to write more about this' and how I Analyzed and properly cited my sources#which is apparently too hard for some people to do???#idk maybe i gotta get my head into the YouTube video game#but i also really dont want to edit stuff lol is the thing#wild to me that people think the month of writing (including prewriting!) to make a 10 page analysis about a Monk episode FOR FREE#is somehow too much work#like??? no??? it isnt???#its fun work??#but also if these people can get paid for passionlessly stealling...#could i possibly make 25 cents from making an original piece of content??#is writing actually possibly a profitable skill that i am not irrideamably bad at?#**edit btw as in VIDEO editing not as in script editing#goat talk
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its my day to bum around by myself in our room and i CANT figure out WHAT to do.
#i dont want to work on video games i dont want to watch videos and i cant find any good audio books#so i just keep restlessly refreshing my dash which is moving SOOO O SLOW!#im so bored!!!!!!!!!#im wasting my time!!!!!!!!
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wait what job do you have?
Actually, I DON'T have a job. Not because I don't want to, but lately I have been feeling very lost in life and been in too bad of a mental state to work 👍
#ngl I wish I could have a job that I wouldn't quit (or get fired) after just a few weeks or that wouldn't mentally destroy me#I've had four different jobs and hated them all#i dont even know what career i want#im only seventeen (twenty two) i dont know anything#but y'know#I wish I could just not work#i just want to watch my fav series play video games and pet cute cats#is that too much to ask?#im just a girl after all 😔#anyways sorry for being a menace to society 👍#faye 📖#asked
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in the hole again <3
#its been 2 work days and ive already lost any desire to live a life#i just want to lie in bed and not have to go outside#its cold and dreadful#and when at home i dont even want to game#i just watch stupid videos eat and sleep#entering survival mode again. see yall in three months#arnold’s laments
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