#i dont want to respond to much on the vent post but im really happy to hear everyone's words there

[aqqleshiqqing-archive]

good morning everyone

[moonysfavoritetoast]

i love you SO fucking much.

im SO fucking sorry if that vent was because of my post. just please do not kill yourself because ive been seeing recent posts about that. i genuinely cannot lose another person. it hurts me so much. you can be whatever you want to be. its okay if you want to be called certain prns. its ok if you want to identify as something else. its ok if your you. i like when your you. you make me so god damn happy every fucking day. i never really respond to your vent posts because i dont know how to comfort, but im trying. you dont have to think you need to detransition because others did thinking they were trans. you can be yourself. if you think you REALLY need to detransition because that many people cant accept you, then think of who they fucking are. they arent you, they dont know how you feel, they dont know what its like to feel that, and their most definitely NOT in your situation. you arent a bother. you were never a bother because you asked us to call you evan. you were never a bother EVER. there was no hassle, no nothing. just acceptance for who YOU are. if you were happy with us calling you that and being trans, and you feel unhappy with thinking about detransitioning and using your deadname, then think which one you really like better out of those choices. you dont need validation from others. you need it from yourself. choose what YOU want to be. not what other people would think of you "normal" is. theres no normal, evan.

i love you.

sorry i didn’t mean to make you upset

i loce you too

[frankendykez]

this is highly different from the usual posts i make, but im only posting this because i don;t have. anywhere else to really say it normally and in a way that doesnt seem like im purposely making the people around me discomforted. regular posting will go back after this, but for this vent post specifically tw for: mentions of (almost) sucide attempts and suicidal thoughts

i almost attempted quite a few nights ago. almost. i had the knife in my hand but pussied out last second. i'm glad i did. i thoguht the worst period of my life was roughyl around 13 to 15 or so, but even though i did have suicidal thoughts then and hid it all up with whimsy, i never got this close to an attempt. i don't know why i tried this, i don't want to die, i want to live and be happy and i am still trying to be happy and hopeful despite all of this, i am trying to be optimistic but i suppose despite my current belief (or something im trying to turn into a genuine belief) that my life is worth something, i guess i am just havig Quite The Year right now.

i want to live, you know, and i will live, im sure of that, i guess that one moment was a odd one off thing, if that makes sense. i know i will make it through whatever im going through, and i have a strong reason to keep on living --- it's for the people that i love, mainly, my friends. i don't want them to ever have to miss me, or to ever stay awake in bed during late night crying about my suicide. i want to die of old age, i want to be there for the people i love, my life really is just other people and honestly, i think any reason to live is a good reason to live, as long as it makes you happy and improtantly alive.

i am the most loved ive ever been in my current friendgroup (but i don't think they deserve to hear me vent about uncomfortable topics nor would they want to me which is understandable), i think, but "home" has been horrible. i don't know what to do with myself, everytime im out i dread going home, i don't think i've ever past a day without crying at least once, or getting irrationally angry at something minor. and things have happened in the past also affected the way i think, you know. sometimes i don't believe the love my friends have for me, even though i also at the same time i know its true. i know i deserve to be loved and i will do anything to be loved and in turn i love all my friends like they're my entire world, but it feels like my brain is at war with itself, one side being stupid irrational thoughts and actual logic. i often have breakdowns about "not being anyones best friend", and whenever i vent about this to a friend of mine, theyre always like "ur my best friend!!" and i want to believe them so badly and i kind of DO but i also don't, some annoying part of me just thinks theyre just... saying that. i suppose. its kind of silly to believe i was born a person, sometimes i feel like a vortex, always hungry for love, craving more than what im given. this is such a long paragraph already but i havent even describe the extent of my emotionality, which tbh i rather would not do. i already said too much anywyas. but also little enough taht i just sound like a whiny little bitch, tbh.

i dont know why i said so much, i think it was another attempt to make the few people that read this not worry much about me trying to attempt suicide again. but yeah, i was having a Time. god this barely makes sense lol. thanks for anyone who read tho no ones obligated to respond or interact. i got over it, it was a few days ago anyways. jus had to say it somewhere without making thigns in the friendgroup feel uncomforyable.

sometimes i wish i didnt live but im so fucking glad i did

sorry for this post you lot, promise thisll be the only one. love you guys even if i barely know u. i dont mean to sound like an attention seeker, i just need to say it somewhere, i guess. god i sound so stipid lmfao

[metamorphiacreations]

I honestly don't know if I should even say this- was the meta you posted about you not being a good person just a vent that didn't need a response? Or maybe you wanted a response? Or is it expected to give a response? Or is it not?

I have no idea, so you can choose to ignore this and delete it. I've never spoken to you and I definitely don't know you so this may be wildly accurate and is sure as hell uncalled for even?? But

The fact that you do know it and you're conscious of it and you regret it makes me feel like you're not a bad person either. You do things in the moment that you regret later, but the fact that you regret it makes me feel like you're at least trying to not let old patterns repeat themselves. You communicate as well, which is great

Just? If you are doing little things to try and prevent it and aren't giving yourself any credit for it- hey, maybe allow yourself to be at least a little happy with that progress

You said you say you're getting better but you really don't know- and imo that's okay as long as you're trying and there's even a small change. Old habits take a long time to break and honestly I applaud you for being honest with yourself

You do sincerely apologise, and that's good. I don't know what actions you've taken in the past so I can't ask you to stop beating yourself up- but just in case, don't beat yourself up aghdjakdksksk

You seem like a cool person, and your posts have made me happy when I was having a bad day, and it's not much, but your post kind of struck me

It'll be fine, you'll be fine. You're not a bad person <3

Hello Anon friend!

Now i will start by saying that it very well might have been the 1am talking but it was less a vent and more. a confession. not really out of like "i hate myself, im so shitty and im lying to people because im so horrible" but somewhere along the lines of "im not as great as everyone thinks i am and it makes me feel bad" i made it a post because i felt if i said all that to my partner or a group chat id get a lot of "no no no youre a good person, youre amazing!"

(not calling my friends ass kissers or anything, i know they mean well but i didnt want to hear anything that my brain would process as pity)

i hold a very specific view of good vs bad and i dont feel like i live up to my own standard of what a good person is...if that makes sense akfhdj but yeah i didnt outright say not to respond so its nbd.

i thank you, Anon. i think because you are a third, separated party so to speak, this did feel less like pity and my brain actually read for what it is haha.

i will try. be happy with the progress and all that i mean. thats all i can do isnt it? just try. i dont think the Meta thats talking to you rn is a good person but i thank you for reaching out. and im glad im good enough to make content that makes you happy

[starjxsung]

HI BABY OH MY GDKJSHFKHSDFIUHKJSDHFKSHFHSDKFH YOURE BACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ive been checking on your main blog every single day since uve been on hiatus just waiting for the day you come back and somehow i think the past few days i just completely forgot you had a side blog and idk how i missed your comeback the past few days but ig i did... :((

I HOPE YOURE DOING ALRIGHT!!!! summer has been pretty okay w me so far, mostly just hangouts with friends and staying inside to avoid the sun and any uv rays possible like the fucking vampire i am, etc.

im going to kcon la next month!! unfortunately skz isnt part of lineup and i wont be able to go friday so ill only be able to see the saturday+sunday conventions and concerts, but i hope itll be fun nonetheless. my uncle is some kind of manager in the entertainment industry (idk too much abt it but he usually gets me signed albums every year so im not complaining!) and he usually helps out at kcon every year, so he always has at least 2-3 free tickets.. whenever he visits so im usually able to head to kcon if my schedule fits!! 

i think for other life updates on my part theres not tm.. i ended up going on a diet the past month because ive been really wanting to lose weight for a while now but ive never been able to do it in a healthy way because ive had an ed for as long as i could remember.. (growing up with asian beauty standards is pretty tough unfortunately 😞) i used to be 130lbs at 5’1” so i always considered myself overweight because of my height, but i recently lost 10lbs and im hoping i can reach my goal of 110 within the next month asw 🤞

aside from my life update rant though, ive srsly missed you so much star you dont even know !!! im so happy youre back 🥺🥺🥺

as always, ur biggest fan

~ 《 ☘️ 》

BABY BABY BABY BABYYYYYDHDKDKDKKFOVKFKEMRKFKF I MISSED YOUUUUUUUUU my little clover angel I LOVE YOU SOOOOO BAD I AM ACTUALLY YOUR NUMBER ONE FANNNNNNN 💔💔💔💔💔

I’ll be back on main blog™️ soon !!!! I miss it there too tbh RAHHHH side blog is good too but main blog is where everything started and I miss posting so bad 💔 I also somehow check tumblr less ever since the creation of side blog so I have to physically remind myself to check tumblr and I just. miss when I had more time to post and people wouldn’t get annoyed of me answering asks on main ☹️ BUT FEEL FREEEE TO SPAM SIDE BLOG™️ TOOOOOO she exists for all ur spam/vent/miscellaneous needs and I love checking on you guys even when I’m not on main. I love you !!!!

I’m so glad summer has been treating you so well ALSO KCON??? HELLO??????? I AM SOOOO FUCKING JEALOUS OH MY HODDKDKDMDMDKD I wanted to see Taemin & nmixx SOOOOO FUCKING BAD MY BABIESSSSSSS 🤲😭 TAKE SOOOO MANY PICS FOR ME I CANT WAIT TO HEAR ALL ABOUT IT RAHHH IT’S GONNA BE SOOOO FUCKING SICK I CANT WAIT I love this for u. Kcon era. Yes.

Also don’t be so hard on yourself my angelllll just make sure you’re staying healthy :( I love you :( and I fully acknowledge that beauty standards are fucking impossible to live by and they can genuinely be so taxing to try to fit. But as long as you’re healthy and happy and doing what you want for yourself only, that’s what matters :’) I’m always a message away if you need me (even though I’m fucking garbage at responding) and I love you no matter what. Take care of yourself precious cargo 🤲💓

I LOVE YOU and I missed you and I promise I will be back on main blog™️ as soon as I physically can be. I am ur biggest fan actually if you were a clover I would pick you and keep you in a little resin necklace and wear you all the time. I love you !!!!!!!!.!.!.!!.!/!:!!,?,!.!.!

[eeveekitti]

gngjngnjfkndnkdkd sorry to all my followers i just. i have literally fucking nowhere to put this and nobody to talk to about it since its really fucking late so.

really long vent warning below the cut sorry

ughhhh im fucking. im so mad at myself. i just. i cant keep doing this i cant keep fucking up and losing everyone i care about because i cant keep my stupid mouth shut

its always some misunderstanding or some shit where ive already apologized and i dont get why its still happening or why i had to be the center of negative attention all of a sudden

ive already lost every friend i had twice. i cant. i cant take this again. one small disagreement and i cant fucking take it i cant talk to anyone anymore theyre all gonna hate me because i had to walk away unnanounced and shut the fuck up so i could just calm down

i cant be less than perfect. i cant mess up. because when i do everyone leaves me. i dont feel safe anymore. i didnt respond when someone was mad because i was on the verge of a fucking breakdown and it just made everything worse

its a trauma response i know its trauma i know i have that and it fucks with my brain daily one disagreement over something as small as character designs shouldnt fuck me up so bad ive been holding in a full mental breakdown for hours now fucking hours

they all hate me now i know they do. i may as well just leave before it all comes crashing down for real. if im gonna lose absolutely everyone all over again for a third time in a row it might as well be on my own terms.

why cant i just be perfect why do i have to make mistakes why does nobody take sorry and leave it why does everyone have to make everything so much worse than it had to be why has this happened to me three times three fucking times right when i feel comfortable and safe and happy everything gets wrenched from my hands all over again

i can barely even see what im typing theres too many tears in my eyes i hate myself so much i hate that this happens to me why is this happening to me why does this have to happen to me why cant i just finally be happy for once

im sorry to anyone who sat through and read that. i know nobody did but. im sorry anyway. i dont want to burden anyone more than i have already. thats why i put this all in a fucking tumblr post. i just cant tell anyone any of this without being a horrible burden.

[tubzly]

//vent post sorry lol i just need to post this somewhere

oftentimes when im feeling low i find myself wanting to go talk to my friends but then i remember i've alienated myself from all of them and i dont feel comfortable reaching back out so i just kind of sit in my own corner of unbelonging,,,, i feel forgotten about because of my inactivity, even though i know most people would be happy to see/hear from me again... why am i so like this.. its hard for me to talk on servers its too much for me to keep up with lately and im not really in any groupchats anymore bc the ones ive been in either died or i was removed from,,,,,, what happened to when i felt so alive and happy,,, so much lost time now. i dont belong anywhere right now. and its not like im unwanted either. i feel so stuck. i dont know where to start. im so tired. i feel like such a nobody now. its like for a short time i was someone and now i just feel like i've failed to prove any worth on my part. i moved last year to a new state 13+ hours from everything i've known... and i moved into this house in september. in the nearly-a-year that i've been here i've made zero friends. i dont know anyone. i also feel ive lost all the online connection i've had.... this is how time naturally passes i guess. people come and go as a natural result of change.. but.. how do i begin again,, i want friends. i want to connect with people. it feels like there are no solutions or ways out from where i've been emotionally. sorry for this post.. i was originally gonna post it on main but i dont wanna ruin my feed for those who follow me,... plus i think i'd feel bad if people saw it anyway and just didnt respond so i will just put this on an account few people see anyways. here's to hoping that in the next year, things change for the better...

[tshifty]

.

[ghostofcitrus]

does anyone else feel like they’re genuinely just not made to have friends?

edit from post writing: this veers into a vent but genuinely the question stands. i bold the parts i actually care for people to read lol. sorry for the vent, read at your discretion

like every time i start to make friends something goes wrong. they stop talking to me frequently, never text me first, never express interest in hanging out

basically i am always kept at arms length away from people. and i don’t want to be! i desperately want a friend i can share intricacies of my life and thoughts with and i want to hear there’s.

i absolutely adore my boyfriend but he’s only one person and it’s unhealthy for me to only have him… especially when he has his own friends. i’m jelous of him because he has friends! i’m happy for him but fuck i wish i had friends too. on top of just.,. being alone when he’s not there. i’m lonely, i realized recently. deeply lonely.

and idk if it’s because i’m autistic and do friendships and interaction differently. frankly i don’t give a shit why, outcome remains the same. i never get close to anyone no matter how hard i try. and everything is fucking over sharing!!! how much can i talk about my one class!! i want to tell people how my day actually was! the shit that actually happened! what’s actually on my mind! i don’t need to get that deep to just have a conversation but jesus christ it’s like anytbing i do or say is wrong or too much!!?

i constantly feel unwanted and like no body fucking wants to interact with me

this is veering into a vent.but. i feel like im a decent aquaintance and that’s where everyone wants to keep me. that one kid from that one class. that’s it. nothing more. and fuck i’m so sick of it. how do i make friends??? inviting people to hang out never fucking works. trying to catch them to talk a little longer just makes them look at me weird and inch towards the door. why am i like this? i don’t corner people. i do my fucking best to make everyone comfortable. i don’t only want to talk about myself but no one will just talk to me like a normal fucking person!

everyone already has their friend groups. at best im an awkward temporary addition whos tolerated and maybe even temporarily enjoyed. but that’s it. what’s wrong with me? even online no one wants to interact with me, i join the servers and the groups and i talk and try to start convos. i try i fucking try i do i really do. so why. why am i like this? why me?

every time i try to offer to call, to hang out, anything, im shot down. and i tried so fucking hard to be reasonable about it and not get self depricating (’oh they probably actually are just busy/have other plans/etc’ ‘why would they lie to me? theyre always nice!’ etc etc) but theres only so many times i can be the only one to text first, be constantly shot down, and never shown interest in until it starts to feel really fucking personal. idk how i keep managing to make it NOT feel personal at this point. i guess thats a point of pride in my growth, mental health wise, but jfc even my therapist agrees that at this point its not just distorted thinking because i have fucking evidence to back up the claim that no one wants to talk to me.

i’m social! i love talking! i care about others! i ask about their day! i do all the right things so why isn’t it enough?

i do all the things youre told to do! i message first, i keep reaching out even when i start to feel unwanted, i always respond quickly, i agree to do things even when i dont want to, just for the sake of being social (the one time i was even offered, that is. and it was cancelled last minute by the other person anyway.) i join clubs. i take college classes. i talk to people even when i dont feel like it. what more can i do? at a certain point the other person needs to recipricate.

maybe it is just me! like actually genuinely maybe im just not good to be friends with. i talk a lot. i guess im overly persistent and cant take a hint. i definelty overshare because i never know when to shut the fuck up and cant tell whats appropriate info to give out because no one else fucking says anything of substance.

anyways. does anyone else feel like theyre just made to not really have friends? or something of that effect

[aqqleshiqqing-archive]

.vent(?)

[cupids-chamber]

First of all, one very big internet hug to you. 2nd of all, since I'm writing in regards of your vent post there's no pressure to respond. I just wanted to send you something nice.

You've been very strong despite everything you've gone through/are going through. It may not feel like it but the way you continue to move forward is commendable indeed. This is of course on top of the fact that you're just a very sweet person. And I really do mean sweet. There's a kindness in the way you interact with others which is why I and others are taking the time to write you nice messages.

You're young so its going to be hard to navigate all this fame and drama you find yourself in but you're self aware enough to acknowledge that. At least for the online drama, I'm willing to bet a lot of those people are young too. Their attitudes reflect their immaturity and if any of the haters are adults then they never grew up.

Personally, one of the best tactics Ive found when it comes to dealing with insults is to imagine myself a couple of years in the future. I ask myself if those words will hold any weight then. The answer is no. And then I ask myself why do the words hold weight in present day. I always find the answer to be because I let them hold weight. It's never going to be as easy as "getting over it" but there's this realization of how meaningless their words really are.

Another thing, you mention how much stress the discord causes you and you've mentioned thinking about deleting it. Frankly, that might be the move. Sure a lot of fun came from it but if its doing more harm to you than good, then there's nothing wrong with letting the discord go. Those who genuinely care about you will understand. Those who get mad will be people who put their happiness above your mental health, they arent worth your time. Plus they could always start their own discord if they want to chat so bad. You could then just have a small discord for your dev team and spend the time you were chatting in the big discord on chatting with your irl friends (since you said in a previous post you haven't been talking to them as much)

As for your home situation, I'm so sorry you have to go through all that. Im not sure where you live but there might be resources for getting out of your forced marriage. Getting out of an abusive situation is never going to be easy though so please do a LOT of planning and research if you chose this route. I think there's reddit communities that deal with this stuff so you can go see how other people dealt with situations similar to yours. On top of like actual professional resources of course.

Alright, I feel like Ive written too much and I dont want to waste any more of your time. Just remember you area beautiful person both inside and out (yes, this includes your brown skin). Even if the people around you currently aren't nice to you, that's always going to say more about them than you.

Love ya (platonically), here's one more internet hug, buh-bye 👋

Thank you anon. This has helped a lot. Personally my guilt is probably the biggest factor about me not closing up the discord. So Idk about that personally.

And my parents tend to be rash. I don't want to blame them for anything.

[zmayadw]

Hello again :)

Heres a second part of my fanfic, as i said in previous post that i will add one or two. I know the begining might be a bit long and boring, but i decided my other two favorite Duskwood characters deserve some love ,too. :)

 Thanks to all who took their time to read it!

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 2

Next thing I remember was waking up in a hospital. The bright light from the window made me squint my eyes, and my head throbbed as hell. „Arghh, too bright.“ I mumbled, as a cheerfull voice next to me responded  „Well finaly, I was begining to worry you would never wake up! You know, you're taking those beautysleep advices too seriously.“ My eyes ajusted to the light, and I was looking at that cheerful, loving face, the face I knew oh so well. „Hmm, considering all, an extra hour or so of beautysleep is so allowed for me.“  I said, my voice hoarse a bit. She snorted „Make that 'an extra day or so'! You slept for almost three days!“ she said, walkig towards my bed and hugging me carefully. It felt good, just knowing she was there. She pulled away from me, her face serious.  “What wer you thinking?“ „ I'm sorry Jessy, so, so sorry.“  I said, tears swelling behind my eyes. „ I know what I did was stupid, but belive me, I really tought I was doing the right thing.“ „The 'right thing' almost got you killed Maya!“ she yelled at me, wich made me realize just how much she was worried about me. I burried my face in my hands, tears falling down „Please Jessy, dont be mad at me, I feel awfull as it is already. I realize my actions wer wrong, but I cant undo any of it now. And God knows im more then happy to be alive, and Hannah too! And I know my „sorry“ might not be enough this time, but I reall am sorry Jessy, you cant imagine how much. But please, please, you have to forgive me, I couldnt stand if I loose you!“ I couldnt force myself to look at her, I was so scared she would just get up and leave. And who could blame her, really, after all I did, she would have every right to do so. Suddenly, my hands wer slowely being moved from my face, and i opened my eyes  to see hers holding mine. I lifted my head, and our eyes met. Hers wer now also full of tears. She hugged me so fiercly, and even if everything still hurted me like hell, I was so reliefed and hugged her back tightly as I could. „Ofcourse I forgive you, Maya. I was so damn worried and scared that I will loose you!“ I was releifed to hear her say it, I hugged her even tighter, saying through my tears „I'm sorry Jessy.“ She held me like that for a while, and then pulled slowly back. „I'm glad you're ok Maya.“ She said, smile coming back to that pretty face. „Look at us! Bawling here like little kids.“ That made me chuckle, and i said whiping my tears  „Huh, I never tought our fist time meeting would be with me in the hospital. But, hey, im not picky, i'm just glad I finaly had a chance to hug you.“  „I dont think anyone imagined this to be the place of your first meeting us. You do realize others will want to come and see you? Dan already wanted to come with me, he was mumbling something about how he owes you a whiskey. But i gave him such a stern look, he just kissed me goodby and said to say 'hi' from him and ran away from me.“ The tought of Dan being scared of Jessy made me laugh so hard, i got a little dizzy from the pain. Jessy noticed me vincing, quickly saying „But that can wait, you need to rest more first. It's not like you're going anywhere anytime soon!“ She looked at me all serious, and i understood why Dan acted like he did. „Dont worry, Jessy, I wont try to break out of hospital.“ I said with a grin on my face. „A bit of r'n'r is definatly what I need now.“ „Good! And since i'm clearly your favorite person from our little clique, you wont get rid of me that easy while  in here.“ She said cheerfully. „Thanks, Jessy. I mean it, Im really glad you're here with me.“ „Me too, Maya, me too.“ She stayed with me that whole afternoon, and I was happy about it. We talked about everything we could think of: how we gonna take that walk arround Duskwood together, having coffee at the Rainbow caffee, going to Aurora for drinks. Jessy was so full of life, and managed to stay so positive through all of this mess. She told me that police gave her my stuff and my phone, and will bring me what i need. It wasnt so important, but i could really use my phone.  It was like Jessy could read my mind, and she looked at me with simpathy „Did Jake contacted you?“  There was a knot in my stomack when she asked, because I knew I wasnt out in the clear with what I did with everyone just jet. „I dont know, Jessy,  I guess i'll find out when I get my phone. But im sure Lily told him all about it by now, and to be honest, it's the one conversation i'm scared of having at the moment.“ „I'm sure it will be fine.“ „I really hope so, Jessy. I really care so much for him. I dont know for sure what he feels, and it doesnt really matter, I just cant stand the tought of him being mad at me. Or not talking to me anymore...I got so used of having him arround, even just virtualy..i dont know Jessy, i cant explain it... i just need him in my life. Does this make any sense to you?“  She looked at me, with care and a hint of worry showing on her face „Yes Maya, it makes perfect sense.“ We talked for a while more. She looked at the clok on the wall and jumped „Oh, yay I gotta go, forgot Im meeting Dan! He made me promise to meet later, since I didnt let him come with me here.“ „Heh, better go then, I dont want Dan blaming me AGAIN for getting stud up by you. Or he might not buy me that whiskey he promised, an to be honest I could really use it now.“ I sad smiling at her. „Ohh no, you two are gonna be a pain in the butt when you meet, arent you?“ she groaned, but a smile was written all over her face. „Dont worry, i'll behave..as much as possible. As for Dan, im sure if you join us and give him some of your 'scarry' looks, he'll behave too.“  She bursted out laughing. „Oh, cant wait for it! I'll go grab your phone  real quick, and then im off.“ She ran for the door, stoped, turned arround giving me one more of her beautiful smiles „I'm really glad you're ok Maya.“ I smiled back,“ Me too Jessy, me too.“ She came back with my phone, plugged it to charge next to my bed hugging me quickly before leaving.

It was almost dark outside, and the room was so quiet since Jessy left. There wasnt much comotion in the hospital, and I appriciated it actualy, some peace after all the mess was a nice change. I stared at the window for a while, just enjoyeing the sceene of the sun setting down, the sky taking that purpleish-blue color. I was actually delaying the moment of turning my phone on, because I was scared. A the same time I hoped Jake would contact me, but then I was also scared of talking to him. Its been three days since the incident, and im sure Jake found out everything by now, so maybe he vented some of the anger off in the mean time. Ah, c'mon Maya, dont be a sissy! – i tought to myself – You stared death in the face, and showed it the middle finger, and you're scared of that thing? I took a deep breath, took my phone from the stand, and turned it on. It felt like forever for it to turn when i punched my code, and when it finaly did, i left it aside. The beeping of new messages, missed calls, new emails and all was the only sound spreading through the room. And with every beep my stomach reacted a bit, thinking if any of those beeps belongs to Jakes. I got so lost in my toughts, that a voice snaped me back, startling me a bit. A nurse smiled „Sorry hun, i didnt want to fright you. Just came to chek up on you, ask if you need anyhting and to give you some pain meds.“ She winked at me „It's the good stuff, will help you sleep better.“ „Thank you, mam, im good.“ I smiled back at her, and quickly glanced at my phone - 44 missed calls, 24 messages, 17 emails. That will be some time killing stuff. The nurse was done, she waved at me wishing me good night, saying to feel free calling her if I needed anything. I thanked her again as she left the room. I took my phone, my hand shakeing. I checked 'missed calls' first, and tho i didnt expect it, was a bit dissapointed Jake wasnt among one of them. I opened the messages, and Jessy's message was on top. „Sending you hugs&kisses!“ it was written under the picture of her and Dan, grining with their glasses raised. It made me smile, and i texted her back „Hehe, Dan must be happy you actualy came this time! xD Have fun you two, cant wait to join you. Hugs&kisses“ I checked other messages, and my hearth squeezed a bit when i saw he didnt texted either. I didnt feel like replaying to any at the moment, settling the phone back on the stand. I switched off the light above the bed, turned on the side, staring at now complete darkness throught the window. One tear rolled down my cheek as i closed my eyes, hoping sleep will come soon.

[dukeofonions]

hi so i.found ur blog and its honestly like a breath of fresh air to look at so if its ok i might just fuckin,,vent here.

so. ik a lot of other people have been talking abt how pof was really straining to watch and i am.very late to the party but i need to talk abt it bcz holy fuck. when i first watched it i was in a way better place mwntally, also the general excitement of wow,content kinda overrode the headache and the eye hurty and the just. bad. but i was rewatching it recently because i was basing a fic off it and i just. i couldnt finish it because all of it was just so much and there was no fuckin warning?? so that was pog ig

next thing because i have. a lot of thoughts. ive been in the fandom for not-very-long, i joined in the middle of 2019 or something.and it just kinda sucks because im only still here for the fandom. i love the series but i can only watch dwit and compilations of logan/roman being sad so much before i can basically recite them off the top of my head. but i reallyreally love writing for the fandom!! it makes me so happy to do the writing, its just the fact that im not as invested with the series that makes me feel,,idk man guilty ig?? anyway thats too deep for a rant so im.a move on

god so tw me not liking post aa virgil and me talking abt toxic friends but hoooly fuck man. i just. pre aa virgil was fun because he was snarky and sarcastic and i could actually stand the nagst because his character made sense?? he was the 'bad guy' and he wasnt as woobified back then and he was honestly a solid vibe. but post aa virgil gives off the vibe of that one friend who fuckin, gets angry at you when you bring up any of your mental health issues and then blames their outburst on their mental health issuea and its like?? no i hate that character dynamic. people say bad things when the feel bad, sure, ik i have, but its the vibe of 'im gonna threaten you and then blame it on my mental health but if you so much as look at me wrong while ur having sensory overload or something i will smite you with the force of one thousand suns' and i am just.so tired. also ithink someone else said this but we should just call the series 'virgil sanders and the rest' because thats what it is now ksbdjqkbsq

also (all ofthese are my opinions btw and im not trying to say im rigbt im just tired honestly) the way. in pof the way patton's whole thing is 'you need empathy' is not funky fresh for both people with low empathy and high empathy 😎 bcz ppl with too much/too little empathy are always told theyre 'cold' or that theyre 'oversensitive', the whole 'there is an average amount of empathy and if u dont have that fuck you actually' is icky and bad and gross. i do think patton's character is really well done in the series but that episode jjust personally. ick.

and finally the moment uve not been waiting for bcz this is probably really tiring to read but the moment youve been waiting for-fwsa.just. why. its cute and stuff and i love nico. nico is a vibe. also bathroom man john is great. but shouldnt roman still be on shit terms with thomas?? like lk we're just gonna sweep away the whole 'i thought i wad ur hero' shizz? cool cool, glad to know romans arc still aint happening. also i get it, we needed to cement that virgil is a light side now. but like..did we?? actually bcz this is so long im gonna send in a second ask (im sososorry if this clogs up ur ask box if u tell me to stop i will i just. many thoughts) abt how even though i hate virgil, his arc should have been done. so differently. just gonna put like,, a mushroom emoji here so u can put the 2 asks together if u want 🍄

You’re always free to vent here! Sorry it took so long to respond but life has a cruel habit of getting in the way of things I need to do. 

So for starters, the POF problem should be talked about more so I can assure you that you’re not late to the party. It never really got the amount of attention it deserved so I am more than willing to bring that back up and trust me, you’re not alone. 

And again, you’re not alone in this either! Plenty of people still enjoy creating content for these characters. You don’t have to feel guilty for not finding the actual series interesting because honestly, I’m kinda losing interest too. But I still love these characters and I love that the fandom is still creating stories with them through different mediums.

Honestly I agree with just about everything you said about Virgil and I do eventually plan on tackling a lot of this in a future post. You know, if I ever force myself to just sit down and write the dang thing... 

Oh my gosh I’ve been waiting for someone to talk about this because that whole thing about empathy in POF really ticked me off because you’re absolutely right, not everyone is 100% empathetic, and some people can be empathetic to a point where it hurts themselves. Like I get what they were trying to say but it came across as, well, like you said. “If you’re don’t have this exact level of empathy then eff you I guess you’re a bad person.” Maybe that actually wasn’t their intention but it sure came across that way and maybe I’ll go into it a little more in another post because now that I’ve been reminded of it again I kinda wanna talk about it more. 

Okay yes, FWSA on its own is a good episode. Heck, it’s one of my favorites. It feels closer to a season one episode than ATHD that’s for sure. The problem with this episode isn’t the quality but the fact that it comes right after POF. And I’ve basically gone over this in my “Problem With Asides” post and how it affects both Roman and Virgil’s current arcs so I won’t go into much more detail here but just know that I pretty much agree with all of this. 

Also don’t worry about cluttering up my inbox. It’s here for people to share their thoughts and that’s exactly what you’re doing! Hope to see your part two soon mushroom anon! 

[witch-and-a-half]

Hi 🥺 sorry to bother you but i was wondering if i could request a cedric x reader where the readers friends ditched the reader on her birthday to celebrate someone else's birthday? Sorry to vent but my friends have been super flakey and cancelled all our plans for my birthday to celebrate the birthday of a different guy we dont even like that much smh i dont wanna be like...clingy or whiney but im just a lik hurt ig

(it’s not proofread so sorry if there are typos!)

i am so sorry your friends are being flaky and ditching you! that is so unfair and you have every right to be hurt!!! don’t feel bad about venting either, i’m a huge fan of venting on the internet lol. i wanted to get this done quickly so it wasn’t past your birthday when i posted and hopefully you like it!!

- - -

You were sat in one of the towers of Hogwarts, looking at the stars and eating some sweets you’d gotten in a package from your family. You could faintly hear Katie Bell’s birthday party through the window; not clearly enough to make out what was happening, but just enough that you were still well aware of the festivities. All your friends were down there, celebrating with her while you spent your birthday alone. You knew they had their reasons for being there instead of with you, but it just wasn’t fair that they’d ditched you.

You were about to begin to cry again when you heard footsteps coming up the stairs behind you. Quickly wiping your face and trying not to look so bummed, you turned around to see your friend Cedric at the top of the stairs.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” He said softly, clearly noticing that you were upset.

“Oh… yeah… uh… I just wanted to spend some time by myself and eat my sweets,” You laughed weakly and held up a pumpkin pasty.

Cedric didn’t laugh or even crack a smile. He just came and sat beside you, silent for a moment before responding: “Time by yourself? On your birthday?”

You set the pasty down and sighed softly. Cedric was always so good at reading your mood. His hand landed on your shoulder and he bowed his head so he could see your face, which was looking toward your lap.

“I’m sorry they ditched you for Katie Bell’s party,”

It was like he could read your mind. Tears were teasing your eyes, but, before they could fall, Cedric stood suddenly and took your hand.

You wiped the tears from the corners of your eyes as Cedric led you toward the stairs. “Wha-” you began. Cedric squeezed your hand quickly, cutting you off and saying, “We’re going to go celebrate your birthday,”

As you approached the Gryffindor Common Room, you dug your heels into the stone floor of the castle. “Ced, I really don’t want to go to Katie’s party…”

He turned to face you, placing a hand on your shoulder again. “Wait here, I’ll be right back,”

~ ~ ~

It was less than 10 minutes before Cedric came back out of the portrait hole. He shook his head, grinning. He apologized quickly, mumbling something about the Weasley’s, before taking your hand and pulling you back down the corridor toward the castle exit.

Had anyone but Cedric led you out onto castle grounds late into the night without explanation, you would have protested, but you trusted Cedric and needed a bit of fun. He pulled you to a clearing by the Black Lake where you’d often hung out together—you’d even helped him study there just a few days earlier.

When he finally stopped and let go of your hand, you finally spoke up.

“Cedric, what on earth are we doing here?”

“We’re celebrating your birthday,” He said simply, before pulling a brown package from his robes.

You raised an eyebrow and he laughed softly, glad that your mood had brightened since he’d found you in the tower. Cedric unwrapped the brown paper package to reveal a few firecrackers.

“I made Fred and George promise these would work, so fingers crossed,” It was dark but you could see his wide grin clearly as he sat the first firecracker on a rock by the lake’s edge. His arm wrapped around your shoulders and he guided you back a few steps so there was ample room between the two of you and the explosive. Cedric pulled out his wand and whispered, “Incendio,”

As the flame reached the firecracker, you held your breath. But it whizzed up into the air above the lake and exploded into a burst of colorful light. You watched the lights reflected on the glassy lake surface and exhaled in awe.

Cedric set off a few more fireworks before pulling the last one from his robes. It was bigger than the rest, and had a different label that you couldn’t make out in the dark of the night. He sat it on the rock and returned to stand next to you further up the clearing. You were shivering a bit at this point; the cold of the night had penetrated through the sweater you had on.

Before Cedric lit the last firecracker, he took off his robe and wordlessly wrapped it around your shoulders. You smiled up at him and, when his eyes met yours, you saw a glint of something you hadn’t seen in his eyes before. But you couldn’t quite tell what it was. He looked back at the firecracker and pulled his wand, but you slapped the back of your hand on his chest to stop him.

“Wait!” You exclaimed in realization. He looked at you, brows furrowed, and you reached into your bag. You giggled at his confusion, excited that it was your turn to surprise him, “I have something,”

You presented him with a tinfoil package of brownies your mother had sent. You were going to eat them alone in the tower, but forgotten about them when Cedric pulled you down to the lake. “They’re a Muggle dessert. You’ll love them.”

He took a hesitant bite and his face lit up. “Oh wow!”

So the two of you stood, with Cedric’s arm draped around your shoulder, munching brownies, and watching the last firecracker soar over the lake. As it exploded, the lights formed the shape of a birthday cake. The candles on the cake were blown out and another set of lights spelled out “Happy Birthday” in bright blue letters across the dark sky. Even Cedric seemed amazed, and his arm pulled you closer to him.

As you walked back through the castle grounds to find somewhere else to sit and finish the brownies, Cedric took your hand again. This time, you squeezed his hand gently.

“Thank you Ced… you really didn’t have to do this,”

He pulled your hand so you were closer to him and pecked a quick kiss on the side of your forehead. “Don’t be silly. I wanted to do this.”

His heart leapt a bit when he saw you cheerfully grin up at him.

Then he softly said, “You deserve to have a good birthday,”

[levis-hazelnut]

This is a vent.

You can do what you want with this post but please do read the part from where your name starts in bold and pink.

I have decided it's okay for me to type my thoughts out here In tumblr. Safer than my journal at least lol

So I'm doing okay but I also feel like shit for the past few days lol. To the point where I cried myself to sleep. Ever felt like crying badly but the tears won't come out but you can't even act frustrated? Yeah that too.

I'll be honest. I changed schools so now I have about 3 supportive friends but we haven't interacted much.

My friends from my previous school are really very cool and supportive and it is because of them, I had a thought of exploring me and thinking about my sexuality and everything.

I have a lot of friendship problems. Im kinda losing touch with My friends from the previous school and i saw it coming almost 1 years ago. But I still talk to them bc I like them. I have been betrayed and neglected and taken for granted by loads of people who were my friends. We're still in touch but there is a disconnection.

I really considered them my friends. I trusted them. I was looking for a special bond with them. But it never happened. Half of them betrayed and verbally bullied me. Some of them strayed away. Some were Influenced by other bullies. Some took me for granted.

I'm awkward at voicing out my true feelings. I wanted them to know through my actions how much they meant to me, how I bragged about how nice they were, how I loved it when we went on little adventures and screamed and laughed. But they just had to go away.

My one and only lovely best friend moved away and now we live about 2000 kms apart but we still talk and she supports me (and simple for me lol) and she is kinda like one of the top reasons I'm sane rn. I'm very grateful to have her.She sometimes visits my blog through Google and reads my fics.

I've been having depressive episodes since last year. It's definitely better than last year bc back then, I used to cry in secret like- every single day. Including my birthday. I've actually kinda mastered the art of masking my feelings.

On top of that I have family problems. My dad is not really emotionally present. I hate to say this but my mom kinda victimizes herself. Evertime they have fights, I hear and notice this. It pisses me off but the points they make about themselves make sense. Eventually they make up and they sat down and made me under stand that nothing is gonna happen but it mentally affects me a lot.

Believe me when I say that I love my parents. But I'm growing distant. On top of that there is some toxic advice and they are homophobic oof.

I know there are millions of people with more worse conditions than mine and when I think about this, I get sad and start to invalidate my feelings but with the help of some motivational people, I understand that my problems are valid and I'm allowed to feel sad. At this point I'm like my own supporter. I'm proud of it.

Every time I see jean, I relate to him a lot. Putting a strong front for others but your terrified inside. (Also thighs mm)

So Hazel. Listen to me

When I found out of tumblr and fanfics, I was overjoyed. I spend weeks reading comfort fics by many different authors including yours and it made me feel safe.

I finally decided to make an account and follow people. I mostly interacted with you. There are so many blogs and moots that I follow now, and now I'm not shy or scared to interact with them.

You know why? Because of you.

It is from your blog I first felt like I could feel safe. I never felt weird about going in your inbox more than once. Everytime you responded I felt butterflies. After that when you followed me back, I actually almost cried. Every single time I saw you in my dash, inbox or responding to me, or just interacting with your fellow moots, I felt happy.

And after that I met amber, izzy, and so many cool moots. If we ever met In real love I wouldn't hesitate to give you a big hug and thank you.

Hazel baby when I say I love you, I fucking mean it.

I love you. I love you so much

I love all of my moots, and people who I interact with every day. I found so many supportive people and people from the lgbtq and people who share the same thoughts here.

Thank you for being you.

I hope you never forget how much I admire you. I'm almost tearing up as I write this. All of you guys give me so much motivation to move forward in my life.

himani please the way you had me crying because of this i love you so so so much i cant stress it enough

(imma put a read more cos this got kinda long lol)

im so happy that you found a safe space and you feel comfortable enough to tell me all of this too. you have me on discord as well and i'd always be happy to listen to you if you need to talk or just to simply simp over 2d people lmao

and im so sorry that you've been feeling terrible, it honestly breaks my heart and i wish there was something i could do. i'd hold you and be there to fight everyone for you if i could. if those friends dont keep in touch with you, they'll be missing out and they'd be losing such a precious and amazing person. but once you lose something you always gain something - thats something i've realised so you will find the right people that will stick by you for a very long time ❤❤ i'm so glad you have your best friend there to support you and sticking by you because even when you feel like everything's just going to shit i know they'd be there for you and im happy about that

your feelings are completely valid and im glad you realised that. just know that im always going to be here too to support you and to just be there for you whenever you need it

bye the way you have my heart himani, it makes me so happy that you feel safe here and that you never felt weird about interacting with me. please you give me butterflies all the time, how could i not follow a beautiful person like you. honestly the same goes to you - i love seeing you on my dash and i love seeing you have a great time and interacting with people especially with my moots it makes me so happy i cant describe it 😭

if we ever meet im not letting you leave my side, you're gonna permanently be in my arms

i love you so much more i wish there was a way i could show just how much... im glad you found people you love and those that support you and that give you motivation. and im always going to be here to support you and for anything else you need

thank you for being comfortable enough to talk to me and to share this. you're an amazing person never doubt that 🥺🥰💖

[selfcareparker]

LMAOO I WAS GONNA BRING UP FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLIDER BUT I WASNT SURE IF YOU WERE WATCHING IT HSKAJ (are you liking it? i know it’s only the first episode but ya know, another one tomorrow night- well tomorrow night for me, and did you like wandavision?? i loved it!!)

oh my goodness i’m watching lion king while writing this and i haven’t seen it in a while and i am..... emotional. but anyway, i love that streaming services think that imma pay for them while they charge $50 a month. like yes of course i have that kind of money and i am going to give it to you to watch tv 🙄 that $50 is budgeted to sims thank you. (ALSO SIMS!!! i’ll get to that in a minute) now see if i don’t google levidia right this minute LMAOO, not that i’m gonna use it.. just for the research...

AND HDKSHS SEND THAT CHAOS WALKING LINK LMAO i saw it for the third time with a different one of my friends and she wasn’t the best one to see it with? she literally was on her fucking phone and i was like ok whatever her loss not mine, and idk if you’ve read the books or if you’ve seen it by now, but by the end of the whole movie, after they’ve confirmed THE THING throughout the whole movie she asked the dumbest question and i’m like diD YOU NOT WATCH THE MOVIE, and i guess she didn’t. so. this sounds so vague but i don’t wanna spoil the movie for you just in case lol.

THE STORY LMAOO, so A DIFFERENT FRIEND LOL, like my oldest bff, we had a day together and we wanted to go see chaos walking. and i honest to God thought that no one would be seeing this movie. like NO ONE. every day, i checked the theater seating and no one was there right? plus i really wanted us to have the theater to ourselves. so we sit in the wrong seats, the row in front of us, STILL THINKING WE’RE ALONE. and then these 3 older people came in AND IM ABOUT TO SCREAM FHSJSH AND IM LIKE “are we in your seats?” and they we were like uh yeah, AND IT WAS SO BAD LMAOO , we’re moving and everything would’ve been FINE but my friend’s reclined seat was going down so slow and as it’s going shes LITERALLY SAYING ALOUD “awkward awkward awkward” so she thinks forget it, lemme just get up. HER BAG GETS CAUGHT ON HER CHAIR AND HER FRIES AND THEY SPILL ALONG WITH HER HONEY MUSTARD 😭😭 ALL OVER THE FLOOR! so i’m trying not to laugh lmao but those aren’t even our seats and we just made a mess, so naturally, i get on the floor and start cleaning it up with my napkins (this is going for too long) AND MY FRIEND IS STILL SAYING “awkward awkward awkward awkward” and i’m really abt to crack up bECAUSE LIKE SHUT UP HAHAHA and we’re cleaning it and shit and the oldest lady is gonna say “yeah you’re not gonna make an old lady get on the floor, are you?” AND I WANTED TO LAUGH AND SCREAM AT THE SAME TIME BC DID WE ASK YOU TO, NO, so then i had to get the manager and she helped us clean it, we got new fries and everything was fine, it’s just a crazy story bc LITERALLY WE COULDVE AVOIDED IT AND EVERYTHING BUT THESE ELDERLY PEOPLE HAD TO COME AND SEE THIS MOVIE😭😭 at least the gentlemen was nice.. he helped us clean. but then his wife was like “i aM nOt siTTiNg tHeRe” and at first i thought she was a teenager bc of her stink attitude but her husband was nice. and it’s not like we weren’t cleaning it up, we were!!! like i was so apologetic- anyway.

about sims! do you play console or pc? wait,, you already told me you play pc bc your computer was broken, i’m glad you can play now though :’)) litetally when i read in the tags that you’re playing sims !!!! and are you hyped for bunk beds? i have cc so i’ve had them for a bit, but they were glitchy... but i’m so excited we have them now! i should really play sims today...

GURL IM SO PROUD OF YOU 🥺🥲 i know you aren’t fluent in everything and you aren’t a linguistic genius LMAO but it’s still soooo amazing :’) here i am reading the captions while ur just going hahah, yea i tried duolingo but.... i didn’t stick to it HDJSH talking to you though makes me so interested because you know all these languages, not even studying them like that, but you have this foundation and ahh it’s just super cool. LOL YOU DONT SOUND LAME HAJA IM TELLING YOU ITS SO SO COOL, i’m loving this lesson btw oh my goodness- HSKAJS YOU THOUGHT I WOULD ALREADY KNOW THAT??? HDYSJHS MY ONLY ENGLISH SPEAKING ASS??? HAHAHAHHAH i find that word (Rindfleischetikettie- i’m not gonna write the whole thing i’m sorry) very interesting... like... wow. did you have to google that or did you just know lmao

OKAH THE WATER THING HDKDJDKS UR GONNA TERRIFY ME HAHAH OH MY LORD- first of all CROATIA 😍😍 but thinking about it like that, I WOULD FREAK OUT TOO HAHSGSG i never go that deep into the water, or if i do i have my dad with me lol and i kind of hold onto him bc ive seen/heard too many things about people being dragged into the sea. but i loveee the water (i wanted to be a mermaid soooo bad ohmigosh)

I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW ONE CANNOT LIKE MUSIC ITS AWFUL !! lmao yeah i haven’t even listened to harry’s his first album, everyone says they love it more. I WAS GONNA SAY IMMA LISTEN TO ONLY ANGEL BUT THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE IT HUHAHAH also i have never listened to anything by mgk (i actually had to google who he was IM SORRY😔) i’m tempted to listen tho lol PLEASE JUSTIN BIEBER- I PROMISE IM NOT LAUGHING AT U IVE JUSY NEVER HAD SOMEONE SAY THAT B4!! like i don’t know many people who’ve liked him bUT NOW IM GONNA LISTEN & the cardboard cutout- okay. 😭😭😭

oh my goodness to see the vamps live 🤧 TO SEE ANYONE LIVE PLEASE JJDGSHAHGD and little mix is so good oh my goodness- i actually haven’t been to that many concerts.. i was at my first one, elsie fest (it’s like a broadway thing really) in uhhh october of 2019, yea i took my mom for her birthday bc she loves darren criss and i’m obsessed with glee lmao OH MY GOODNESS YOUVE BEEN TO SO MANY!!! and those are such great artists 😩😩

LMAO UR FINE, hamilton is a musical that lin manuel miranda wrote and i think generally made? i’m obsessed, but basically it was on broadway and then recorded and put on disney+ ... idk i guess it counts a film bc it’s like a movie really cuz it was recorded but in what 2018 or 2016? i don’t remembers the date that is on disney+ but it’s strange how i got into it, a lot of my friends were obsessed and i was like uhh why? and while researching it and watching it, trying to figure out why people love it... i fell in love with it LMAO but the music is FANTASTIC and lin is incredible😭 but yes yes yes i loveeeee high school musical!! my dad actually took my cousins to see it on ice or something (i absolutely forget lmao) but i don’t know how people don’t know hsm. it upsets me.

OKAY IM DOWN TO THE BOTTOM HAHAHA (it takes me so long to respond, now i’m on lion king 2 WHICH IS SO GOOD PLEASE FHHSSHHSHSH) i could respond in chunks but i kind of enjoy responding like this? it feels a bit like a letter but if this whole thing is overwhelming i’ll cut it up lol

+ yes that was me about your fic and sleep and everything lol but it was so good😭 i don’t understand how you write peter so well like you have this ability to capture his.. everything? i’m crine. all the time. over your fics. & i cannot describe my happiness for youuuu :’) i’m so happy you’re writing again 🥺🥰 the thing about how you only want to write the long peter fic but you don’t know how to continue... i feel that so so so hard, i don’t think i told you but ughh i was so blah bc of that feeling of having pent up inspiration for only one fucking thing and not being able to write it. it’s so frustrating 😭

not to add more to this but i need to vent a bit? the situation is definitely different bc with your major it obviously requires for you to ya know, know english lol, but uhm bc i’m homeschooled ive been cheating on all my work SHSHDHSJ like i google the answers but i’m still learning! it’s just..... i find it so unnecessary, like going for an audition no one is gonna say to me “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” like tf??? there’s literally no point. i’m gonna be getting into voice lessons again soon and i’m already doing dance, AND i’ll be doing this summer camp program (more hamilton lol) and thinking about school is only making me stress more, like i haven’t been able to rehearse dance at all this week bc of it...... so

hahaha reading your tags, lonely anon would still be accurate HAHAHHAHA // another add: yea i love ur current theme, i’ve gotten used to “seeing you” like this, but anything will look super pretty :)) ALSO HOW IS IT STILL SNOWING THERE, i swear it’s getting warmer and warmer by the day here 😭🤧

these long ass posts, my gosh🥲 lonely lovely anon <3

Omg yes it does feel like a letter sldkdj and then the few days of waiting also make more sense okay i love this ❣️💕❤️💓❤️💞🧡💜💘(wtf)sksjhz

Dear lovely anon,

ALSKSJVKD yes i‘m liking falcon and winter soldier dlkdh i haven‘t watched the second episode yet but i‘ll watch it tomorrow! but i didn‘t watch wandavision........ eidislskks i was going to but idk i wasn‘t that interested in it and watching series is already too much of a commitment (what can i say i‘m a Sagittarius—🤧 (no i’m joking i actually know NOTHING about starsigns)) didjj that i couldn‘t force myself to watch it, ALSO i hate (idk if this is an unpopular opinion) when every episode is like a whole hour. i‘m rewatching an old series today (it‘s german so i won‘t even get into it) and the episodes are 25 mins each and i‘ve already watched 8 episodes today ridlndjdjd,,, and i feel like if the episodes were an hour each i wouldn‘t have gotten past episode 2 today like idk.... even if series had the same length in total, i prefer when the individual episodes are shorter idk why tho tbh (so yeah i already wasn‘t 100% convinced about watching wandavision so i just couldn’t make myself watch a bunch of 1hour episodes— i‘ve heard that it‘s good tho- but i‘m not much of a series person so. Dldkk (have we talked about this already??? sorry i don‘t remember what i said lol and i couldn‘t find my own post anymore so dkdjsh) (WAIT I JUST CHECKED THE WANDAVISION EPIOSRDES ARENT EVEN THAT LONG??? Okay wait i might watch it now - did you like it? let me know if i should watch it— why did i think they were 60minutes???)

okay another confession i‘ve never watched the lion king????? i mean i watched it when i was a child but i was too young to actually pay attention to any kind of plot i just liked the songs lol sldkdj i‘ve been meaning to watch it for years tho 🦁 (idk it just felt appropriate to put a lion emoji lmoaoo)

OH MY GOD THE CHAIS WALKING/CINEMA STORY AHSJSKKS😭😭😭😭 NOOOOO (very fitting that there was so much chaos when you were watching a film that has chaos in the title loool) and the “awkward awkward awkward“ SAME SKSKSLSKDJ, that‘s literally me 24/7 ahajshshhshshsh. Like i was so skdjdjdkdllsldksnsnsnsb while i read what you sent me djslslsjdjdbdn why are old ladies always so grumpy btw 🥲🥲🥲 at least the man was nice tho! and wait did i read that right... you have fries (which, to me, are called chips dusuusldk) at your cinemas?? (Movie theatres sorry sksjsh) we just have popcorn and nachos and drinks i want chips too when i‘m watching a film what😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺

Also i still haven’t watched it so thanks for not spoiling it!!! (idk when i’ll watch it i’m so bad with films and even worse with series💀💀💀- same with cherry. i literally forgot all about cherry, i was SO hyped when the trailer came out like i’ve never been so excited about a movie... and then it came out... and i still haven‘t watch it like what‘s wrong with me???? Dkdjdjdjdklsl i feel like i‘m not gonna watch it anytime soon tbh, but i wanna watch chaos walking i just have to find the time

Okay and @ your other friend who wasn‘t paying attention like why are you even watching the film then???? but ok (omg this sounds so mean i‘m sure she‘s very nice but in this situation just like❔❔❔)

SIMS ahhh, BUNK BEDS, ahhhh sdljdjdjdkdkdldksj i actually haven‘t played it since the update 🤧🤧 i made both of my sims (enisa (bestselling author already, thank you) and michael (aspiring doctor)) go to university and bro it takes so long 😭😭 and you can‘t do anything else if you want them to do well so literally the last three times i played sims i was just constantly clicking their homework and computerd to write their assignments (i play it in german so idk what its called on the sims) and do their presentations and do them all over again so that they get better or whatever for HOURS, but imma play again soon

also i‘m living my fanfiction life loool, so i made my two sims neighbours (on the same plot tho but i made two small separate houses lol, i still wanted to control both of them at the same time but i made sure they didn‘t interact before i wanted them to skdjdjdk). and first they both experimented and got some experience in the love department you know (all genders, cause i have to live my sexuality even in a pc game slskdjh— wait, i‘ve never lived my sexuality irl like i‘ve done NOTHING nothing with guys nothing with girls (🥲) but maybe that’s why i want to do it even more in the sims) and then they met at uni and realised like hey we‘re neighbours and now they‘re together (but michael accidentally had an alien baby with another woman (who was an alien which i was not aware of) cause i wasn‘t paying attention like i said woohoo not try for baby like michael why is your pull out game so weak tf LSHDDHDJDJSKKDKSKDKS okay but making out and flirting and doing all the fun stuff in the sims turns me on way more than it should PFAHAHHAHSH) so idk why i told you this but I’m creating that neighbour!au in the sims lmaoooo

i did not have to google Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsübertragungsaufgabengesetz (just did it again😌 sisjshhs) but i might have mixed up the words überwachung und übertragung or i might have even forgotten a word skskks but in the end it doesn‘t matter (by linkin park- ok i‘m so sorry it‘s 2 am and i have a headache from having waveformers in my hair all day but i still wanted to reply to this now so sorry if i‘m not making any sense right nowbahahshah)

i wanted to be a mermaid too dldjdksksj like h2O and all those series convinced me i could be one like. i remember i‘d always go in the deep pool and attempt to swim like them in all the series with that wave motion i must have looked so crazy with my goggles as well dkdjsksöksj (i was like twelve but still)

so mgk has two sides one is hip hop/rap which is like ~~~~ idk he has good and bad songs, but his latest album is like punk pop snd I LOVE IT SO SO SO SO SO MUCH, so if you like punk pop I’d recommend his album tickets to my downfall (i don‘t blame yoj if you don‘t like it tho like about a year ago i would have HATED that type of music dkdkdkkd)🥴

Okay talking about music, there‘s this german rapper and he is... not a good person. he‘s literally a criminal and extremely sexist but to me he‘s still hot???????? he‘s even cute at times even tho he has tattoos everywhere and is like 6‘5 and is super aggressive but i see him and i‘m like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 my heart beats only for you💘💘💘💘and he released a new song today and i watched the video and i‘m wondering wtf is wrong with me 😃 (he did look particularly cute cause he was high so idk he wasn’t really aggressive in this one) 😭 so i thought i‘d share that LMAO IDK

(not saying tattoos aren‘t cute btw i LOVE tattoos imma get some soon, but you know he looks like someone your grandma would be afraid of (and in his case rightfully so💀)

okay wait i‘m getting so tired it‘s 2 am i think i‘ll have to do the rest tomorrow but i wanted to do it now😭🥺🥺 see you tomorrow

it is now 3:42 am and i couldn‘t sleep so here we go again

girl you can laugh at me for liking justin tho skskks i wanna laugh at myself idk, like i said i really really really liked him a few years go, basically my life was at least 50% justin and then he went on a break for a while and released an album last year which i hated 🥴 but this album is wow. (Still weird to me because it‘s literally the definition of pop and i don‘t ever listen to pop?) and it‘s so weird because i used to know so much about justin and had so many friends who loved him as well and now it‘s like I’m listening to someone new? Don‘t get me wrong i never KNEW justin and i never will and i‘m aware of that shahsh but yeah i used to be soooo used to him and it‘s like reconnecting with an old friend and you realise you don‘t know that friend anymore- like you don‘t know them anymore at all. I mean justin is weird nowadays 😂😂😂 so pls laugh at me tbh dskksjsjsh

awww it‘s so wholesome that you gave your mom tickets to the concert 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i gave my mum tickets for pink like 2 years ago and she loved it so much and i was like 🥰🥰🥰 (i went with her) AND OMG GLEE ok so unfortunately i barely remember glee, but i used to watch it too!!!! And it‘s actually on my list of series i wanna watch (again) so youre making me want to watch it even more (but like i said i‘m bad with series so 😩😩😩 who knows when i‘ll rewatch it)

When all this pandemic shit is over (let‘s be hopeful <3333) then you need to go to as many concerts as possible!!!!! i‘ve been to SO MANY and it‘s literally one of the things in my life i‘m the most grateful for, concerts are some of the best experiences i‘ve ever had in my life especially the ones that are in smaller concert halls where you can feeeel the vibe and everyone‘s energy (and that sounds awful thinking about it mid-pandemic 😐) anyway—

Okay omg you‘re absolutely making me want to watch hamilton right now like omg i WANT TO WATCH IT NOW but it‘s 4 am sodndkdldl

what you said about my peter fics🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺like omg i love these emojis they literally just describe how i felt when reading what you said so, yes, 🥰🥺 + thank you :) it really means a lot <3

and no omg i totally get the studying thing. like last year before i graduated .. was that last year? yes wtf omg okaykdjdj, so the last three months before i had my final exams we were just in a lockdown and we didn‘t even have online classes. We had nothing except one teacher who left our group chat (😭) because she was mad at us (?) and one maths teacher who did an online ““lesson““ once a week. he‘d ask: so does anyone have questions. us: . Him: okay, bye then. So. Yeah dndldldj. But we had one online test and it was in german and like i read the book wee were supposed to read? but the questions on the test were all unanswerable (is that a word?) and i had to google everything (got an A tho 🤪 but only because i googled everything so i was so scared that i wouldn‘t be able to get a good result on the final exam because what if i‘d gotten used to just googling everything and i couldn‘t do it by myself anymore? anyway it was all fine in the end but yeah at times i couldn‘t even study because i had so much anxiety about studying and yeah- like this whole annoying cycle. but you said you‘re still studying———- okay wait 👁👄👁 i forgot what i was going to say??????????????????????????????????????????????????? Like wtf. Is wrong with me? And i‘m reading what you wrote again and i just don‘t know what i was going to say? Like i get what you‘re saying obviously but i‘m like? Idk 4am brain ayeee, please vent more if you need to and elaborate further because right now i‘m???? Too dumb to respond to this right now wtf. I‘m so sorry lmao ddlkdjdjd what is even going on like i‘m sitting here open mouthed just like ? But btw the fact that you have Voice and dance lessons is like SO FUCKING COOL like oh my god that is sosososos cool wtf, i was thinking that when you first talked about it too

And “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” ODHDKSLDBDJDOFIDKDNDLDK

Yes i know about the weather dkdkdkjd but it‘s getting (a lot) warmer here too and where i live we kind of get a weird type of wind called föhn (which literally means hair dryer but idk if that‘d the reason why it‘s called that, i‘m too tired to think of whether it makes sense rn) and it gives me headachesssssss and the changing weather is also giving me headaches 😭😭😭😭 so this season right now is just headache season and i hate summer so i wish it would just snow again lmao (okay it‘s getting so late that it‘s early already snd i can hear this bird chirping so fucking loud wtf i‘m also getting a headache 🤧🤧🤧) but at least i can do my new theme soon (i hope it‘ll look good🥺 and omg thank you for what you said about my current theme- i always feel like i‘m so bad with aesthetics, i obviously like my theme but i feel like every single person on tumblr has a theme that is prettier than mine so it was very nice to hear you say that you love it👉🏼👈🏼 (i‘m so used to it by now that i actually hate it lmao so it‘s getting yeeted soon and i‘m making megan thee stallion my pfp 🤪 (if the graphics and shit works out skdjdjdj)