#i dont want to be alive anymore | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

awakeningthevioletswithin · 4 months ago

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Why don't I reply?

I think this is final straw. I couldn't take anymore and this is way more.

I don't wanna be alive in a world that this guy exists and mom doesn't.

#not that it's anybodies business but ive had one intimate relationship in my life #i last has sex May 21st 2021 #and have been celibate ever since #i dont want to be alive anymore

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1nv1s1bl3-r41ndr0p5 · 2 months ago

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I haven't had any meetings with him for almost a month. because of stupid trips and other things. he can't move the appointment because it would upset other people and quite frankly I don't give a shit anymore. it's my only form of talking therapy in school now and all my other friends have had those meetings. he doesn't know about everything that's happened and I don't know if i can make it to next Wednesday without talking to him. this is so unfair man.

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lilac-set · 6 months ago

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Hey quick question what the fuck is wrong is with me and how can i make it go away

#the answer to the first question is pathological demand avoidance and complex post traumatic stress disorder #please someone fix it #i dont want to be alive anymore #vent post #lilac posts

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transbian-vergil · 1 year ago

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guess who is spiraling again

#its me #i dont want to be alive anymore #why do i persist #why do i bother to keep going

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cozylittleartblog · 1 year ago

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the piece i made for the @stillalivezine back in 2021

#portal #portal 2 #still alive zine #art #illustration #artists on tumblr #portal fanart #valve #more art from my Hyper Clean Style era #highlight reel #i never hear about zines until they're over but i dont have the energy to illustrate anymore anyway :(#i wanted to represent the three acts of the game. old overgrown aperture on the two tiles. old aperture thru the blue portal. wheatley labs #thru the background of the orange portal. and a little bit of the ending with the way she's leaving wheatley labs and entering The Wheat #hi snake if u see this i still think its funny we were in a zine together before we were deltarune mutuals

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captainbobbin · 6 months ago

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happy birthday, saix

#happy 7/7 day yeehaw #saix #isa #xion #kh #kingdom hearts #captainbobbin #this is absolutely 100% NOT ship art to me Isa is Xions dad pls dont be weird #this is kh3 era exhausted saix trying so damn hard to keeo everything together #xion is all hes got anymore and he will kill himself trying to make her live again. he must #he has to write his wrongs and make sure this child gets the life he never had. he ruined everything. he needs to make amends.#xion is his charge. his responsibility. his pup. the kid he didnt know he wanted.#he would and will die for her. but to be alive now in this haunting cursed half-life is so exhausting #i would add more but. my general vibe is sad dad isa please check out my fics for more

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bellelovesyou · 9 months ago

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터지는 synergy 딱 맞아 우린

우리 뭐야 마치 heartris!ᯓ★

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6-epigraphs · 28 days ago

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Have we ever seen this old man being affectionate with drivers or other juniors? Or just Yuki? I don't even think I've seen him this close to Max and Seb (off the podium at least)

Brother.

#he says some senile shit every now & then but hes literally & unfortunately yuki's biggest fan 💀#im not posting this with hope for the 2nd seat idgaf anymore (lol. lying) im just flabbergasted at how much he visited him 💀#thats why i feel betrayed hes siding w lawson lol cause ive never seen them together 😭#LIKE when liam outscored yuki at sg last yr all he said was #“good job. that's pretty much it” LMFAO? helmut was pissed 😭#tbf hes been backing yuki for YEARSS i think hes just tired now 💀 at least w lawson he can agree w horner ab & he can have a pawn somewhere #but i dont see how sharing liam w horner can help marko 😭 liam will be loyal to him for sure but the bias is so clear 💀#liam would easily jump ship to horner 💀#i 100% blame helmut for the pointless team trapping of yuki like he DEF did it. i dont think he wants to let him go LOL. but im mad ab it😭#once again i dont speak with a source you're 🫵 in my delirious mind palace and you're hostage in it 😁#he'd rather have yuki careerless post 2026 than not have him at red bull 💀 should be funny but im PISSED #ITS SO EASY JUST FRAUD HIM INTO A TOP SEAT 😭#ppl calling yuki a honda merchant when hes a helmut merchant 😭 theyre literally his parents who are divorcing LOL #rmb when yuki said he didnt read thru the contract? im convinced its cuz helmut made it so he just said yes 💀#apparently honda wanted to keep him 1 more yr @ f3 but marko promoted him to f2 anyway 💀 & hes the one who dropped him into europe 💀#ah helmut. yuki's double edged sword #dropped him to europe & cant empathise with him struggling there alone 💀 typical racist grandpa #this opens a tough question tho: did the therapy he forced yuki to do actually help? cause if it was someone else he wouldnt even have care #he handled it so awfully but his concern for yuki was... is real.#i was thinking that i need yuki to have someone who favors him just as how ron dennis did for mika then i realized that's literally helmut💀#hes still alive cause hes not going until he sees yuki as wdc 😭#helmut marko #yuki tsunoda #yt22 #f1txt

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ball-of-butter · 1 month ago

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REBECCA!!! DROP A TRIFECTA PREQUEL AND MY LIFE IS YOURS!!!!!

#theyre so interesting they dont deserve getting zero page time #at the same time i dont want to deal with riga anymore than necessary #bro was alive for like 2 pages and was so irritating #but i need to know hanelai do bad like i need to read about herrrr pleasee #seeing baby altan may kill me a bit though #and baby rin 😭#and a fully populated speer #the burning god #tbg #the dragons republic #the poppy war #tpw trilogy #yin riga #su daji #jiang ziya #hanelai #rewriting

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leafatlaw · 3 months ago

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whatwver i dont even care about evbo becoming a god. i dont even care that it was another weight thrown upon him that he didnt ask for or want. I dont care that evbo is just constatnyl having to risk his life fighting for atitle he didnt even want and a world that didnt even want him. I dontcare that evbo was chose by the gods by people before who fucked up and left him to fix things. It doesnt matter that he just wantsto make things better but cant go back to just being him. I dont care that hes not human anymore. i dont

#sparrow speaks #wahhhhh im not fucking tagging this #parkour civ #i hatehatehate stotires where characters have godhood thrust upon them #especially when that is more or less the opposite of what they wanted #evbo just wanted to live maybe jsut survive and like #the godhood its basically killed him hes not human anymore and therefor not really alive #<-- thats a faulty line of reasoning i dont care im going to sleep #gn !

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niredsw · 14 days ago

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leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone. Please just leave me alone.

#i handwritten all this. no copy paste.#just leave me alone i wanna go home #but home is not home either #why did he have to hug me #or get that close to me even tho i told him to go back and stay away #i told him i didnt like it #i told him several times with the most respectful ways i DO mind him tluching me or being so close to me #i hate his presence next to me #he fucking thinks i dont realize it when hes looking at me all class like a fucking psycho yandere #he looks like he is about to kill everyone i touch other than him #i hate it i hate him i hate everything #yet he just told me im the only reason he is alive and the worst part is i KNOW he is just guilt tripping me so i dont leave him #just like everyone else did because he is a fucking pscyhopath with no humanity in him #i hate him i want him to leave me alone he is not my friend i hate his touch i hate his eyes i hate his smell i hate him presence i hate him #no wonder everyone left him hes fucking OBSESSED with every female he gets close to #silver just leave me the fuck alone i hate you i dont wanna be your friend anymore #but i dont wanna lose everyone else like before #i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it #just. leave. me. the. fuck. alone.

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skunkes · 6 months ago

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i know i'm just a faceless voice on the internet but like 95% of the important people in my life pretty much started their careers after 30- your 20s don't have to be a super crazy grindset affair and i think that way more people spend those years Figuring Things Out than any popular media would suggest

thank u...honestly i have felt better about this lately bc my dad (who is much older than the dads of anyone my age i know lol) told me that i'm still Young and Starting Out. it meant a lot from the perspective of someone his age....i think i just feel stressed bc my closest friends all had goals and dreams from the get go and are already moved out and in high paying jobs right out of their finished programs/degrees...meanwhile my Figuring Out Stage just keeps being more of. not figuring things out t_t

#skunk mail #Anonymous #also I love being alive and i dont want to die bc when i die i cant draw anymore and it feels like #im wasting the only life i have ykwim. i just want to be in the Settled phase already. so i can Live #and i couldve already been there like my friends #but now idk when ill get there bc i still dk what to do with my life !

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wormchaser · 4 months ago

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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.

i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.

#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a #conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit #when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never #messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou #none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but #i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come #easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to #someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as #something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not #know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the #first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk #significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i #was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything #i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems #specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most #of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came #to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here

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opens-up-4-nobody · 10 months ago

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#i walked into a situation today where my mom was effectively already dead. effectively bc her body was and is still alive. still breathing #painful groaning purrs. but her mind was gone yesterday. my dad said he showed her a picture of the mountains i took that day and told her #i loved her and she smiled. thats what he said. maybe he was just being nice. or maybe thats the last time she thought of me. i dunno. but #the human body is an incredible thing. shes got a heart still powering a broken body. too full of tumors to function anymore. stomach #streched like a pregnant mother. it happed really fast and now its happening very slow #im somehow probably better off than the rest of them. i only got here for the aftermath of a downslide. my daily life will b least effected #i only really saw her twice a year living so far away and she didnt text much. didnt call often. so life wont change much ill just kno shes #not there. which is sad. but theres nothing to b done abt it. life goes on. it hasnt been all bad tho. its nice to talk to my family abt her #how incredible she was. bc she was. wish her mom wasnt here tho. she doesn't deserve to b here. my mom wouldnt want her here. she didnt want #her here. but anyway. i wish her body would just let her go now. so we can sleep. so this can be over. so she can rest #but even like this shes stubborn and resilient. they say it could go on for days but i hope not. may the universe let her rest shes gotta b #so tired after 10 years of this. but i have no regrets. she knew how i felt abt her. and i dont think she had regrets either. she did so #much up to the very end. went out on a high note without the burdon of knowing it was coming #i dunno. its just such a strange experience to watch the empty shell of your mother sleeping like a gurgling baby #unrelated

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awkwardgaydude · 18 days ago

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#i dont wanna worry anyone. or if anyone does I dont want to ruin their day #but god i feel like shit. i wanna just curl up in a corner and just fucking scream #i just wanna smash my head into the wall several times.#i dont wanna be alive anymore right now #i just feel awful #but again i dont wanna worry anyone.#its okay itll pass #justa. shit day #im sorry

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themissingnumbers · 2 months ago

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[just as a quick little starry update for those i have interacts going on with- im going to prioritize finishing the current part of Descent i have going before i put my next replies out!

i do apologize to the two of you that like Just answered my asks- we will get to it though!! i just dont wanna bury Green n Descent completely under four diff rp chains,, but i do have answers drafted up for almost everything- its just delayed cus i wanna add images too but i need to focus all in on the current thing im doing for descent ^^']

#not mn #delete later #[i lovee doing interactions but god i struggle to juggle between things ehajknsd #i have to LOCK IN for the um. special. im working on for descent #so this goes out to monochrome.. blue tears.. pixel blue.. n elias now-#id love to send out n answer more but i dont wanna bite off anymore than i can chew >_< doin the art is what takes most of my focus #idk if ill get to stuff within a few days or in a while but. ill pop back to those after the descent thing!#i hope yall understand urhjndkls..]#[in the meantime for more if anyone wants 2 do diff interactive stuff.. ik hell would loveee for green to make friends. or enemies.#tomato tomahto! or just more asks in general]#[its been fun to see those asks going on ^^ i love the grinch]#((omg yeah dont bury him.....#alive......))

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