#i dont understand why im like this
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I ruined it I ruined it I ruined it I ruined it I ruined it
#i cant be a normal fucking human being for one fucking day#i ruin it#i ruin everything#genuinely im done with myself right now im so fucking pathetic !!!!!!!#im so fucking stupid its like i try everything in me i try to do good and be good and just be better#i want to be a good partner so fucking bad#and i get so overwhwlmwd ao easy i fuck up EVWRYTHING#EVERYTHING#i hurt her again#i did#i hurt her again and im so stupid#shes everything to me#shes everything and so importsnt me#and i love her so much#and i just duck it up!!!!!!!!!!!#i cant stand the way i am#i cant stand it !!!!!!!!!#i want to bang my fucking head against the wall#i dont understand why im like this#i want to be good for her#i want to be good#i just want her to love me#i want to be someone significant and i want to just take care of her#and i always end up doint this#im so tired of myself#i just want to be with her#i just want to see her and make her happy#not like this#not make her upset and angry#mine
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Why do i feel like this
#shut up morrie#actually bpd#i dont understand why im like this#i just feel like my husband will abandon me any second now#is he distant or am i paranoid?
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if we could stay connected, just like this
#ok last orbit niigo post im emubrained again and also i miss leoneed#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#mizuki5 spoilers#proseka#mizuki akiyama#mizu5#nightcord at 25:00#hurray !#meltdown released an amazing translation of the event so i read it and had my final cathartic transgender cry about it#and now i have ~4 assignments due on friday so i have to stop drawing mizuki. sad.#i recommend everyone watch meltdown's translation#please. its very good and better than the mtls floating around#i Get why people wanted to see it translated asap like i Get it i didnt understand half of the wordplay or kanji but like . wah#its so crazy how this event breached containment n how many people are rooting for mizuki even tho they dont play the game so i just#think its a shame that the translation everyones reading isnt really accurate/lacks the nuances.. Ok sorrynits a good event.#ive just been thinking abiut that for a few days and i love talking in tags. Adios#real Orbit heads will know this is an Heartorbit reference (that tarot card sketch i did almost 2 years ago and said i would finish)#(i havent finished shit)
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dad seb dad seb dad seb 💕
#I AM ON MY KNEES FOR HIM U DONT UNDERSTAND🧎♀️🧎♀️🧎♀️#GRAHHH I dont even want kids and im giving myself baby fever#also why is the concept of a man coming home from work so attractive like......huh#also im living vicariously through seb by having him bite lewis' cheeks LMAO grrrrr hes like MOCHI#hogwarts legacy#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian sallow x oc#sebastian x mc#choccyart#clora clemons#lewis sallow#celeste sallow#also it doesnt matter how old clora and seb get as adults i will always be drawing them the same LFMAO#we can just chalk it up to wizard age since they live longer#and no matter how old seb gets i will not be drawing him with a beard or anything ever im sorry i like my men like i like my coffee#clean shaven
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all i have left
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fanart#jjk fanart#fushiguro megumi#itadori yuuji#yuuji#megumi#hhhhhhhhh why angsty mood im hurting my me :((((((#go from megumi angst 2 dumb outfits then HARD pivot back 2 angst#u dont understand th clench in my heart i get drawing th sukuna scars on megumi i genuinely hate it so much#theyre such a Part of yuuji's design tht drawing them on megumi feels so viscerally wrong n it just hammers home that nothing is alright#had to listen 2 the cutesiest music possible while drawing this 2 keep myself sane#miku miku beam th pain away :)#real talk tho like. im really not one to b terribly emotionally affected by my own art. or to draw from my Own emotional state at all rly#i tend 2 keep myself pretty distant#but theres smth abt this one man this one pulls at th kokoro :(#suffering from success ig :/#created an emotionally poignant piece n it hurt. 0/10 wld not recommend. am going back to drawing boys shirtless >:c#gna draw something else so i stop feeling genuine human emotion
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boy why you so legs
#i dont even fully understand why i even draw him so much. hes like 4th place in the strawhats for me#its just that hes so fun for posing and simple scribbles cause his designs so simple. just one big dynamic line bc of the silhouette#even if his hair is a pain in the ass. but i think im getting the hang of it#i liked when in fishman island they gave him a little fluffy cardigan sweater for a second that was cute#too bad that was when chopper euthanized him. havent seen sanji since... what a shame#wtf... art#one piece fanart#sanji#black leg sanji
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my text disappeared here when i posted. what happened
#annyways whats the deal with the panicau. im not talking about like popularity or anythin g#why does n have the evil triangle solver and uzi is a ghost thats evil but also not and theres teeth??? in visor??????#i dont understand anything about it but the artstyle looks cool so i can ignore that#havent drawn this large in a while but i needed to do it for the pc screen to not be Totally crushed#a little crushing is ok. as a treat#i think i took this idea from a post i saw once but i cannot find it again for the life of me#and very intelligent prior me decided not to link it to myself so. lost media#still trying to figure out how i want to draw drone heads slash visors and have been since i started drawing md stuff#losing it#spent like an hour trying to draw something else before giving up and doing this instead#if youre lucky ill actually do it eventually#art#murder drones#murder drones uzi#murder drones n#serial designation n#do i even tag mdpanic?? does this count???#constantly afraid ill mess up tagging#which is something you can do and i might be doing#and also thats a joke. hopefully
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chilaios telepathy compilation. btw.
also these ones arent telepathy i just think its fun that they defend eachother + are on the same page about alchohol :
#chilaios#theres probably/definitely more instances of them doing telepathy but ive already stalled so much time for doing my work so#yall can add the ones i missed#dungeon meshi spoilers#????? i guess??????#anyways this is why im insane about that “laios... you get it right?!” line because like. he usually does get it. they get eachother.#theyve reached a point where they can have a whole PLAN sorted out by looking at eachother.#of course chil would desperately hope that LAIOS would be the guy to understand#laios the one chil understands. laios the one who tries so hard to understand chil. laios the one who brings chilchuck out of his spiraling#when no one else will.#of course HE would get it. of course. LAIOS will get it. LAIOS will see through that weird fake. he doesnt see him that way.#..........right?#OH i want to convert some people with this actually so im gonna main tag#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#: ) hello dungeon meshi fandom. in front of you is a table with the papers required to convert into a chilaios shipper. you have 30 seconds#to sign them and if you dont i will personally apologize for wasting your time
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as a matter of fact, eddie diaz better be gay because otherwise he gave up all of those fine ass women for no reason and I just can't handle that
#like i understand why he broke up with every one of his partners#however if i pulled someone as fine as marisol or ana i would behave myself and do whatever i could to keep them around#and im gay! i dont even like women in that way! but even i can see that was a foolish move#eddie diaz#911#911 abc
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ultimately i think my insistence on aro positivity honestly is as much a political stance as a personal one.
when i say aro positivity is crucial and that i dislike doomer-ist posts that express sentiments like 'I hate being aro so much I wish I was dead instead’ it's not because I don’t think there can and should be a space for negativity and acknowledging self-hate, or the many ways being aromantic can really suck sometimes. i find that to be very important!
that being said. there is smth here about how self-hate posts are sometimes just arophobia that we inflict on ourselves. and when we put that out into the ether it (intentionally or not) can become arophobia that we inflict on other members of the community. i think there absolutely needs to be a place for negativity and the expression of anger and frustration and self loathing even - these are all good things to talk about because these are things that we experience. that being said, it can also be genuinely upsetting and triggering to people to have what is essentially arophobia shown to them and then have that be validated by other aspec people. your personal thoughts can affect your wider community on a level you may not anticipate. and i understand it i truly do! it took me so long to be able to recover from accepting being aroace - it threw my entire world off kilter and made me question everything about my place in the world.
but my insistence on aro joy and positivity is because ultimately i do believe that building is at the core essence of it all. that ultimately discussions and the purpose of community should be about construction, not destruction. and this is both a personal and a political stance. talking about how much you hate yourself and cultivating online discussions/spaces where negativity about aspec identity is the main and only theme is destructive - if that’s where we let the conversation end. these thoughts can and should be used as a vehicle to look for a path forward!
joy and positivity create a space where the focus can become on forging a path forward, on construction, on community building instead of tearing ourselves and others down with negative thoughts. it’s not productive or healthy when it stops at a place of negativity - it becomes actively destructive to the essence of community.
and i do think that this is especially poignant considering the fact that being any kind of queer, but especially aromantic (and/or asexual) means forging a path for yourself and making your own happiness where there is no obvious way forward. our communities exist mostly online (right now, anyway), there is little recognition of our existence in the real world, the effects of amatonormativity are both pervasive and actively dehumanising, and there are legal, economic and social structures in place actively making our lives more difficult. yes that all sucks! it’s good to acknowledge that. we need to in order to change it. but more importantly, that’s not the end. we are still here and our happiness, our future is for us to determine. even if we can’t change the laws or society, loving yourself and understanding aromanticism as a political identity (as well as personal), as a radical worldview, and as a protest against amatonormativity is essential for both community and personal well being. the personal is political.
tldr. i guess my point is that as a community, we should focus on building, improving, and nurturing ourselves and each other (construction) as opposed to destruction. we should recognise aromanticism and asexuality as political identities as well as personal ones and rely on community and self-love in the absence of anything else as a form of protest and political power. destruction (the recognition of everything that is wrong) is essential as a starting point - but where do we go from there? we rebuild.
#aromantic#aro positivity#aspec#aroace#aro#aromantic joy#arospec#when i saw its important to 'love' yourself - pls understand i am in no way trying to exclude loveless aros from this#that was just the easiest way to express what i meant! when i say 'love' i mean positivity/respect/happiness. etc. i just used that word bc#it works for ME which is why i said it. but feel free to replace it with whatever works for you! <2#also sorry if not everything im saying makes total sense i tried my best#this is something ive been thinking about for a while and have been struggling to articulate#i maybe should have read some theory for this abt community building but im too tired + overwhelmed w school reading right now so sorry.#if anyone has additions on that front though please do add them#also ngl im kinda scared to post this. i hope i explained what i mean well enough. like i get wanting to vent and express self hate BUT.#there is nuance to this and it is not unilaterally healthy i think. also i dont see any other online community fostering the normalisation#of selfhate the way the aspec one does! which makes me feel weird abt it especially.#anyway. this is basically my personal philosophy towards aromanticism#mossy posts#⚙️
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i hate to say it, like i love watcher, but my thoughts on them leaving youtube is this is too much too soon, like the bulk of their fans are probs younger/unable to afford another subscription fee, plus youtube has always been where they've been?? it's just so stark to go from this being the site you put your content on for years and then to go full cold turkey, no more posting on youtube ever
and i'll be honest, they don't have enough content to warrant a separate site/subscription all together. dropout is able to pull it off because they have the full rotation of shows and cast as well (dnd, game changer, etc), whereas for watcher, they only have a few couple really successful shows and those are primarily only focused on ryan and shane.
and tbh, i don't think they have a big enough audience to launch it either, like their marketing team could do better on advertising their shows! like, i haven't been keeping up with their recent shows cause either i don't see it on my youtube algorithm at all or i have to go out of my way to go see it.
and i don't know this just feels like a kick to the face to their fans, like even dropout has shorts on youtube and keeps up all their content on youtube like some episodes and the entirety of season one of fantasy high, and now i'm seeing in the comments, that their international fans outside of the usa won't even able to subscribe cause of how payment works which is :///, so yeah, watcher, it's been nice knowing ya, but i don't know how this move will turn out for you, i'm sorry to say
#watcher#luna.txt#man this friday is a shit day to be a fan of anything first yuri on ice and now this#i was so excited to see what today's news would be and this is so shitty#like i dont understand why they dont stick to the youtube and patreon format???#it doesnt make much sense to me#and ill say i say all this as a subscriber of dropout like dropout has such a variety of shows and cast its worth it to me to pay the $6#but for watcher???? ehhhhh not so much ill be fr i only watch their cooking shows or puppet history#and well since they havent done either of those in a while? and now theyre doing this? im out
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green haired guy that has haunted my character types for 10+ years
#roronoa zoro#one piece#opfanart#ive spent a good 2/3 of my artist life trying to draw him in a way i like.... i'm inching to it slowly bit by bit as i improve#which is truly One of my greatest joys as an artist - learning to draw better so i can draw my faves better#zoro is genuinely my favorite fictional character everrrrrrr... i think.... i love him so much but i have long since ran out of words to#Describe why. and i dont think any other character has come close tbh -- EXCEPT FOR WOLFWOOD!!!!! god. WW!!!!!!!!#which is crazy. but ww is very special. very dear. zoro and ww are very different... someone more similar to ww would be sanji and robin#but there's also smth about them that are so Similar. i sound like an insane person in these tags and clearly im bias BUT I SWEAR!!!#it might just be the loyalty aspect - incredibly strong traits in both of them.... also nightow drew wolfwood in a haramaki once......#connecting the most minor dots over nothing - but any ww + zoro lovers out there - maybe u understand what i mean.
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i totally get how season 5 isn't everyone's cup of tea and that's totally fair and i understand!! however. i just can't relate because this is just so balls to the walls crazy that i am so endlessly entertained
lila stole all of the agreste lore from nathalie and also has been wearing a wig this entire time. felix snapped the entirety of earth away. chloe became the fucking mayor and then had an emotional breakdown sobbing alone when she lost it. kagami and felix having a random cringe (/positive) whirlwind romance like the two sheltered awkward teens they are. adrien and marinette kissing on the steps of a private jet in a dramatic emotional moment. ADRIEN had the coveted chat blanc nightmare in a sandboy adjacent akuma. adrien just is Cursed with endless nightmares now (and rose and juleka????) and lives in a sensory deprivation chamber. marinette knows all the senti lore now and was told via the most theater-kid interpretive perfomance art hallucination ever?????????
and i am LIVING for all of it. i am SO ENTERTAINED.
#ml spoilers#ml s5 spoilers#representation spoilers#ml representation#revolution spoilers#ml revolution#uhhhhhhhh should i tag more episodes#collusion spoilers#ml collusion#revelation spoilers#ml revelation#ml emotion#emotion spoilers#this is NOT an invitation to explain to me why you don't like it btw. i understand i just dont care and im having fun
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lmaoooo the kuroken is strong with the crunchyroll subs
#im too tired to find the manga panel rn to double check what the og translation is#but i dont think this was the exact wording lmao#kuroken#overall the crunchyroll subs are the best ive seen between the formats ive watched#i only have a few complaints so far#(why wont they give me 'devour every scrap of their bones'??? and sighhh 'man who walks ahead of me/hes always one step ahead of me' doesnt#hit the same in any of the subs ive seen but meh)#both my american and japanese theater experiences had subtitles that i literally couldnt understand what was supposed to be#happening at parts lmao#just like there was no context given or it was too literal or just actually wrong at times#so this version has been MILES better#everything is understandable and the jokes are actually funny lol#(i still dont get why they dont just copy the manga translations for the most part. iirc the actual japanese is the same across both so why#not make the translation the same too)#garbage dump#x
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listen im ace and im pro kink at pride and whatever, but the way some of yall are wording your posts in response to the backlash against it is uh. really taking me back to the ace shitcourse era.
yall know theres nothing wrong with being a "virgin", right? that its not inherently shameful to have not had sex, to never have sex, even if youre not ace, even if you do want to have sex someday, like, its fine that you haven't had sex?
maybe if your problem is that theyre trying to police your behavior and shame you for expressing your sexuality, you can say that? instead of resorting to "haha stupid virgin gets no bitches" like my god. do you not hear how fucking regressive that attitude is? i know, i know, youre "joking".
get a better joke
#toy txt post#god im going to regret this post im gonna regret it so much i can feel it in my bones#let it flop..........pls#internalize my message let it sink in and understand what i am saying and then let the post flop#i say. knowing the ppl who need to see such a message are the ones who will make me regret this post and regrwt not having#1 million bajillion disclaimers#virgin is in quotes bc its a bullshit made up stupid purity culture concept anyway and quite frankly i hate even seeing the word#disclaimer: the previous sentence is not me saying that it is a slur for asexuals. it is me a single individual saying this specific word#grosses me out to read and see everywhere when its a stupid bullshit binary made up or at least historically largely used#to shame largely women and i dont know why we're still using it in 2023#and ive just been. seeing such an uptick in this whole like. attitude? lately and like#im ace im minorly sex repulsed. mostly about anything sex at me bad. other adults sex at each other consensually? go wild#i like to think im pretty chill about it. i try to be. i think its fine ig to be like 'my meat is huge i fuck so much so good'#like okay not my thing but good for you. love that for you#but then some of yall have started turning it back around back to. 'haha your meat so small and shriveled you get no bitches'#'haha stupid incel virgin' like okay. didnt realize we all went back to fucking. middle school but okay#god im gonna run out of tine to get ready for my thing writing this stupid post UGH evil#but like idk we've kinda circled back to being like haha being a virgin still is stupid and silly and shameful#and if im quite honest. i do think the acecourse played a part in that bc i felt like we were making good progress in like#hey guys is fine to not have sex ever if you dont want to its fine to not want sex its fine#and then aphobes went fucking rabid on us and splintered and destroyed online communities all over but especially on tumblr#and so many aces went back in the closet we stopped talking about it we stopped spreading awareness and now this stupid goddamn like#and now this stupid bullshit attitude is back where its like funny to call someone a virgin as an insult but like no bro trust me its okay#its okay for me to do it bc im a hot queer person with huge meat instead of a cisstraight frat bro with huge meat#? like you know the issue was the behavior right? not the fact that it was straight dudes saying it? its bc the thing being said was shitty?#you know you can dunk on the puritan bitches trying to police your behavior at pride without getting us as collateral damage right#stop making me read that stupid ugly ass word ur not cool or funny#whatever#if you come on to this post to start shit i will not only block you but as many of your mutuals and followers as i can find. i will scroll#i will block this entire fucking website if i need to do not test me. i am exhausted and the acecourse ate up all my tolerance in 2015.
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still on that robot kick
#transformers#tf idw#megatron#roller#rung#red alert#bpjd#a lil bits there at least#doodle#finished lost light the other day and uurrhhgh i need more#miss them already#im so lost in the optymus one since its like requiring crossover reading which i dont want to do. atm#why is wheelie with prowl and does it ever explain that? did i miss it? stay away from my son#also i still dont understand that time rung drank rollers juice. did he just take a sip without asking or did roller offer him his?#if the latter did he go “oh right the crack” or think rung wouldnt notice
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