#i dont think this was enough sleep i want more
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I know you did somno headcannons but what about pro hero’s and villains fucking the reader to sleep. Like just a tired reader who feels so safe and good that they doze off during sex. (Twice, Aizawa, dealers choice)
twice | aizawa | dabi x [fem]reader
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warning(s): sexual content, semi-somnophilia (?), fingering, p in v penetration, groping, cuddling, side position, mating press, fingering cum back into you (🤭), pre-established relationship.
read more: masterlist | adult masterlist | drabble masterlist
a/n: ughhhhh i hope these werent redundant! i actually had a bit of a spark to get this done so here it is. 🥴 thank you, anon!
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jin bubaigawara.
sweat breaks onto his forehead, but his pace slowly and surely comes to a rhythmic pace.
hard, accurate, but all so slow and gentle at the same time. the sounds that Jin's cock manages to draw out of you makes him want to speed up, but quite frankly you two had been at it since early this afternoon.
after spending time away from each other proved that not only does distance make the heart grow fond, it was everything in his right to prove that.
you mewl feeling his hand shift to grope your right tit as your languidly laid on your side, eyes fluttering and hips trying to fuck yourself on him. his moans and grunts are ever so present in your ear as its aggression softly lulls you to sleep, the type of lewdity that you missed from the days you two were separated for. he chuckles, breathlessly, as he looks at you trying so desperately to cling onto consciousness when everything in you was battling to do the opposite.
a soft 'shoo' slips it's way between your teeth and barely escapes your plump and bruised lips (from his kithes). once his hand that was once fondling your breast instead move to press it's large palm onto your lower abdomen, successfully making you painfully aware at how deep he reaches.
in a shameless bit to finish yourself as you were right there, your hand dj's your clit and does the job for you. it takes only but a few more thrusts for you to freeze and tighten up around his cock, a pathetic moan sounding from you as you finish. he wraps his arms around your waist and knocks his hips more ardently this time, wanting to finish, too. just the thought of you using him to get off was the kick-start to his own climax he was chasing.
soon enough in your now sleep state, the welcoming feel of his load paints your skin. he's biting, kissing, and muttering all sorts of praises of, 'i love you's' into your skin as you safely dose off into his arms.
you two would just do it again tomorrow if need be.
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shouta aizawa.
with your thighs pressed so firmly to your chest, and hands firmly pressed to the back of your knees only from the strength of your lover's hands.
it was cozy the way he was sloppily fucking himself into you. there was a squelch from each impact that would've embarrassed you if you were new to this. your gummy walls were almost too tight for his comfort, but Aizawa was never one to complain much. a grunt is all he combats the frustrated energy with as he attempts to speed up pace.
his eyes are glued to where you two meet; eyes so entranced at how pretty your pussy looks when it expertly takes his cock that he has to remind himself to look up every once in awhile to check on you to see if you were okay. dont get him wrong, he didn't think you were fugly or anything, his mand simply wanders in lust if he can't help it.
as his eyes trace it's way to your face as it gets on its journey to search your eyes, he can't help but notice your pretty lashes seem to stare back at him instead. he gives your hands a reassuring squeeze to check on if you're still with him, delighted to hear a distinctive—very slumber like—hum in acknowledgement. he's quick to swoop down and plaster a kiss onto your parted lips, tongue finding its way to pry at yours.
the intrusion has your eyes fluttering open again and focus starting to align itself with him. it's as if you regaining attention brings you to a full stop, mouth falling open and hips bucking him as you squeeze your eyes shut.
"cumming, cumming...!" you whimper. the short notice dully noted as you take your hands from underneath his and pull him into your body instead. he abandons the pose from earlier to let you wrap your legs around his waist, locking him in with nowhere else to go.
tirelessly he emptied his spunk into your cunt, and shamelessly does he snuggle himself into you as he relaxed against your body.
he'd have to switch to a better position soon, but tonight you'll sleep being full of him.
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touya todoroki.
"you tired?"
is heard through your sleep like state, body fueled with pleasure and drowsiness fighting tooth and nail to pull you under. you defiantly hum, "no", your brattiness bringing a smile to Dabi's lips.
he had just pulled out of you, wet length pressed against your bum and your half naked body snuggled into him. in an effort to entice him once more, you try grinding back into him, the gesture earning a playful spank from him. you whimper in protest.
"one more..." you lazily lift your head as you try reaching behind you to find his length. he half-heartedly chastises you with the call of your name, swatting your hand away despite your efforts.
he pulls you closer though (somehow it was possible) and he wraps his arms around your waist. he presses his face into your hair, inhaling your musk and closing his eyes in comfort at the familiarity of it all. his free right hand starts to roam your free skin, hand tracing the skin of your hip and thighs, surely taking it's time to get where it needs to.
unmistakenly you can still feel everything. his calming warmth, his calloused hands and his half-baked boner. you chuckle seemingly at the conclusion but quiet when his hand finally finds his way back between your thighs. you slightly open your thighs to help with his venture, softly humming at pressure of his digits palming your still slick folds.
your mouth drops open as he softly massages your pumpum, taking it's time with toying your nerves. he hums lowly when he withdraws to look at his digits glisten in the moon-lit room before taking them to his mouth and sucking on them for himself. it's sickening how his eyes roll back instinctively as he could never get tired of your taste, now wanting nothing more to fuck you again for the nth time tonight. instead he takes his hand back to insert two fingers into you, and smirking at the moist sound that comes from it.
some of his cum from the last round spilled out and it made no sense for it to go waste. he notes the way you slowly drift back into slumber and doesn't prolong the process. with utmost care, he stuffs the load back into your willing cunt. after a few pumps his hand finds itself wrapped around his abandoned cock and aligns his swollen tip to your hole. in the most gentle way possible, he thrusts himself in and reclaims his hold around your body again as Dabi drift off to sleep.
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all rights reserved © do NOT steal, alter, translate or copy this work.
#bnha x reader#mha x reader#twice x reader#twice smut#aizawa x reader#aizawa smut#dabi x reader#dabi smut#bnha smut#mha smut
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I Dont Know If I'll See You Again
In which: Sae Itoshi knew what he wanted from the beginning. He wanted to be a professional soccer player, and to play alongside those who weren't a waste of time (well according to him). Unbeknownst to Sae, a little birdie told him that you, a childhood friend of his, would be in Spain for the next three years. He didn't think he'd ever see you again, especially not after your, not so peaceful falling-out. But who knows what might happen when he comes face to face with you again? (2.0k wc)
an: This is 4 years after the start of the first selection, so Sae is around 22 years old. In this timeline, Sae and Rin have made up (because I said so) and he has returned to Spain to continue playing. I put this with the U-20 team because the only other person I know of that was on the Spainish team is Luna, sooooooo idk idk. Reader is fem, and is a university student in film studies. Enjoyyyy!(might make multiple parts)
His POV
January 1st, 2022
The New Year, god he hated the New Year. What is so special about a new year? It's just another 365 days to spend, what is so different that you must celebrate so loudly. Sae was just a little bit grumpy that all he could hear was loud music, drunkenly cheers, and laughter all night long.
Sae was meticulous about his night routine, he would work out, shower, brush his teeth, wash his face, set his hair, put on his sleep mask and then pass out. Unfortunately for his teammates, he couldn't sleep properly that night, so now everyone must suffer. Luckily, practices were called off for the week, for new years, and weather reasons.
'no practice' is not a thing to Sae, even if they were called off, he would still be at that field. So there he was 6:00 AM on January 1st, practicing alone. He didn't mind being alone, he was more than used to it. But sometimes, even just for a split second, he forgets that there was a time where he wasn't truly lonely. That split second eats at his mind like that plague, he hated how vulnerable it made him feel, so he would act like it never happen.
January 5th, 2022
When he wasn't at the field practicing or at home watching clips, he would be found at the little family cafe down a couple blocks from his penthouse. He would go there after an early morning jog, and order the same thing. An unsweetened iced matcha with a yogurt fruit bowl, he liked it because it didn't fill him up too much before a practice.
That morning at practice in locker rooms, he overheard something...interesting. He couldn't give a crap about anything Aiku had to say, but this was the only time he was truly listening.
"A close friend of mine is coming back for some time, she hasn't told me how long she's going to stay, but she's studying here."
Out of curiosity, Sendou asks,
"What's her name? Is she hot?"
"Why is that the first thing you think of? She's pretty but thats so weird to say. Her name is [y/n]."
"Well my bad! Its not like i'm going to try, I'm going to date a hot actress."
The groans let out in that room echoed from wall to wall, but Sae on the other hand broke character. Sae is know for his neutral, cold demeanor, but hearing your name clashed against the chink in his armor, and was enough for the walls to come crashing down.
November 27th, 2017
His POV
God, what a drag. Why was Rin so damn persistent on that dream, it wasn't even realistic.
Sae had just won the goal against Rin, and sealed the deal of scrapping that old dream. He had to say, he didn't enjoy saying this to his brother, but if no one was going to be honest with him, who was?
He knew his brother would be at that field, but he didn't know that you would be there.
He turned to look at you, standing there with a shocked expression and teary eyes. He couldn't stand it, why were you looking at him like that? Like he was evil, or something.
You walked closer to the brothers. Sae thought you would walk to him and say something. Maybe a 'Welcome back!' or something that matched your usually cheerful personality. But no, you walked right over to Rin, and helped him up off the ground.
Rin saw you like an older sister, you basically were. You always made sure he took care of himself, even before Sae left. He had immense respect for you, he considered you his best friend.
Rin stared down at you with a heartbreaking expression, tears flowed down his face as he avoided making eye contact with you for too long, he thought it might spare some of his dignity.
Your POV
At first you were shocked, how could Sae do this? Easy answer, this wasn't your Sae.
Your Sae would rather die than ever hurt his little brother, he would never intentionally hurt him. Your Sae would give his younger brother the last popsicle, he would bandage his wounds, he would play with him, protect him from anything or anyone that even tried to harm his precious brother. They were like peas in a pod.
You would know, you and Sae had practically raised Rin. You would pack him and Sae food to eat after playing because they would always forget, and they would always get hangry. They would stop by your house right next door and take you to their games, to get popsicles. You saw how kind Sae truly was, Rin brought out the best in him.
But now, he's changed.
Now you felt anger, unadulterated rage.
You didn't hesitate. Not even a little bit.
You shot a glare at him before marching up to him.
You slapped the everliving shit out of him.
You left a red mark on his face, the hands he used to hold had now hurt him.
The two of you never dated, but you acted like a couple. Just two kids holding hands on the park benches eating snacks, stolen glances and warm cheeks.
Sae was your first love, and you were his first love.
No, scratch that. You taught him love.
He stood there, like a kicked puppy holding his cheek. No expression, just a frown tattooed on his pretty face, the same on he walked in with.
You never yelled at him, until today.
"Sae Itoshi, I don't know what happened to you in Spain, and honestly I don't care right now, but you cannot treat Rin this way!
I don't know who you think you are, maybe that 'Japan's Treasure' title finally got to you, but the audacity is appalling!
You come back after FOUR WHOLE YEARS, you didn't contact Rin or I for three years out of the four.
and the first FUCKING thing you say is say is this lame, no PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A HELLO?
no, you don't get to treat either of us this way, some treasure you are."
That got his attention.
"What did you want me to do? Let him live on with some childish dream? He won't get anywhere dreaming like a toddler. I was busy building my career, not that you would know anything about that."
If you weren't angry before, you were SCATHING now.
You took a breath in, and out.
You wanted to scream, but you knew it would be a lost cause.
"When did you get so cruel?"
...
Thats where the memory ended before Aiku's loud voice snapped him out of his daze. His mind clouded by the vision of her teary eyes.
It couldn't be you right? There could always be another person with the same name, there's no way you could ever be friends with Oliver Aiku.
*incoming call from [name]*
Oliver picked up his phone and answered your call.
"Hey what's up?"
"I'm at the airport right now, can you drop me to my apartment building?"
"I am nothing but a servant to you huh?"
"So dramatic, i'll just take an uber you lazy ass"
Oliver laughs before saying
"No i'm done with practice i'm on my way"
Now he was sure, it was you. He would never forget that voice. The voice that he would wait to hear every night over the phone when he first went to Spain. The voice that brought him comfort when he was homesick. And the same voice that flooded him with guilt for the last 5 years.
a week later ----------------------------------------------------------------
He jogs to his little cafe down the street, same time as usual. He walks in, slightly sweaty.
As he approached the counter, he froze.
"Can I have one sweetened iced matcha and one avocado toast? Thanks!" You smiled as you swiped the card and clicked the 20% tip option before turning around to find a nice table.
When you turned around, you made eye contact with Sae.
It was as if time stood still, or rather time spun backwards.
You hated this, you hated how you turned into that lovesick little girl in his presence, even after five whole years.
You broke eye contact. You weren’t going to let him ruin your breakfast or ruin your stay in Spain. You walked past him to the nice table next to the window.
He walked up to the register and order his usual. He tends to forget that he grew to love matcha because of you, yet another reminder of you.
He grabs his food and sits at the table right next to you.
“You just can’t leave me alone, can you?” You said sharply.
“You’re sitting at the table I usually sit at; this was the next best seat.”
“Still an ass I see” you laughed bitterly.
You sipped on your matcha as you typed away on your laptop, being an exchange student was no joke. You felt Sae’s eyes on your screen.
“What are you studying here?” Sae asked.
You sighed, loudly.
“I’m here for my bachelor’s degree, in film studies.”
“You still want to be an actor? Wow, you haven’t changed.”
You turned to him and glared.
“No, I'm studying to be a director.”
He turned his head to look at you.
"You always talked about how much you wanted to be an actress, what changed?"
You scoffed, how dense can one man be?
"Well people change, you're walking proof."
He sighed, he and Rin had made up years ago, why were you still upset?
"You know Rin and I made up right?"
You stopped typing.
"I know." You said softly.
In all honesty, you didn't know why you were still angry, it was probably bitterness because he didn't reach out in those five years to say anything, but then again you didn't expect him to anyways.
In your mind you felt bad, you shouldn't hold a grudge, especially not for this long, but you'd never admit that out loud.
"How have you been? It's been a while." You said, in effort to reciprocate the conversation.
"Not too bad, what about you?"
"I'd be good if my professor wouldn't assign more than he can grade, but aside from that i'm good."
You smiled awkwardly before turning back to your laptop to type. Sae felt relief, he's never felt this tense about anything.
"How is Rin? Did you see him before coming here?" he asked.
You felt a smile creep up to your lips, you knew he loved his brother.
"I did, he's doing great, he's playing in pro leagues now, watch out though, he might kick your ass."
He almost laughed, you're still the funny and loving girl you've always been. You sat in comfortable silence for the remaining time, but as you got up to leave and say goodbye, he stops you. He writes something down on a notecard that slipped out of your bag.
"Is this your number?"
"Yes, I got a new one back when I got a new phone. Call me if you need anything."
You smiled.
"I will, i'll see you around." You waved at him before walking out of the cafe.
You had only just left, but Sae hopes that you'll call soon.
As he jogs back to his penthouse, he feels his phone vibrate.
Today 7:13 AM
Is this Sae? It's {name}
Yes this is Sae.
jeez you text like an old man
Using grammar is being like an old man?
yes
Now I see how you and Aiku are friends.
thats so mean :(
whatever
Oliver told me to come to one of your practices so you might see me there
Okay, see you then.
He felt his chest bubble when he heard you call Aiku by his first name. But, at least he knew when he'd see you again.
xoxo, august
(pt 2 upon request)
#itoshi sae#sae itoshi#sae x reader#sae itoshi x reader#blue lock#bllk#blue lock x reader#bllk x reader#rin itoshi#rin#itoshi rin#oliver aiku#oliver aiku x reader#sae x you#sae itoshi x you
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Y’all thinking about an older Ares has RUINED me
#hyrule warriors#hw link#kheprri rambling#fucked by the ‘perfect hero’ treatment and is a little hit jaded and scruffy and i am INSANE FOR IT#he does not cope well and i love that for him#obsessed with him. been thinking about him for a couple months now for my wargod au and yall i cannot stop#volga gets the treatment too but its slightly less noticeable coz hes a dragon#also sorry about there being nothing going on. every time i want to start on something i get hit by just utter pain and cant focus#so ive just been playing games and sleeping trying to get through it lol#but that also gave me a lot of thinking time for the aus. especially the main one (and this one obv)#also sorry if u dont vibe with the headcanon/au. hes far from being a dick or entitled hes just tired of being perfect for others—#—and just wants to live in peace with his dragon bf lmao#2024+ is the era of khep(me) forcing myself to draw facial hair because ive always been afraid of not doing it right#actually i love drawinf facial hair and all hair in general tbh im just horrified of people being like ‘lol ur wrong die’ XD#anyways sorry. rambling. too many brain thoughts not enough outlets for#will be posting the mistflier species sheet wip on kofi eventually i just wanna type the words out to make it more legible#it IS still a wip and thats why its gonna be going on kofi until its finished#<- and also coz its tailnrr related
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^_^
#sorry doomer posting#but like idk!#i keep talking abt how if i werent trans id be more inclined to accept my fate of living w my parents/family forever#but also with upcoming election and living in Texas maybe i just wont ever get to transition anyway and that will solve everything wont it#i want to leave so badly but i think id just be swapping my current misery for another set#like id be alone but at what cost. and id be alone. no friends no partner to live with no people in my empty home#work and sleep and struggling to eat. idk#im simply not meant to be alive honestly#talkys#delete later#in general i keep wanting things but not wnough bc ive been taught to not want things#i don't want to leave enough to put in the work to do it#i dont want to transition enough to get past the fear of change#i dont want anything. i dont want anything. i am a good dog
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made the mistake of reading through the political discussions on my big family groupchat that I usually keep muted. you must never do such a thing.
#like i knew that a lot of them are conservatives or republicans or whatever but man. even the ones who lean left are still well. mormon.#ive been really back and forth on whether or not i should come out to them but tbh. i have started to lean more toward Not.#when i came out as a nonbinary lesbian they all collectively smiled and nodded and then swept it under the rug never to be seen again#and i let them do it bc i was too afraid to try and stand up for myself. and i was conditioned not to also.#but me being trans is a lot harder to ignore. both bc im fucking tired of being treated like a rug and bc i hope to get a legal name change#and surgery and all that good shit.#but i really dont know how to go about doing all that without having to come out Somehow.#i guess i could always just. cut contact or something. but idk im reluctant to do that bc i still rely on my dad for money/insurance/etc#i dunno.#i wouldnt want to cut off my siblings but i dont know if i want to come out to them either.#idk.#im just fucking scared man. like i knew that for the most part my familys politics suck donkey nuts#but it was just really insane reading thru the chat bc even the ones who i had always thought were Safer are. well. not.#theres only 2 people in my family i fully trust and would actually love to come out to and one of them is my gay uncle (<3)#and the other is my aunt who is the ONLY. other person in my ENTIRE extended family. who has left the church.#i barely see her too bc for obvious reasons she dont hang around much. lmao#but idk. im rambling and melancholic its 1130 pm#my problem here is that there are members of my family i do want to come out to#but thatll very quickly lead to Everyone knowing. and i know im not ready for that.#hrhrggh.#maybe ill come out to my brother next time we talk. as a sort of test run.#im already a lot braver than i used to be and hopefully maybe someday ill be brave enough to come out#and then immediately fuck off into the sunset with my friends <3#sigh.#if im still wanting to come out to my brother by tomorrow when im of sound mind then i think i will.#we'll see how i feel after i sleep. lmao.#winter speaks#personal#we're entering Introspective Hours here at scattered winter dot com
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*Kicks down your door* Remember in Act 5 when everyone was telling Siff their wish and Isa said that he wished, “To find, to help, and to save you, Siff?” This implies that when him and the gang was made aware of Siffren looping he made said wish at the Favor Tree, possibly replacing his previous wish to be a clothing designer. That would mean that Isa willingly overwrote his own wish to save Siffren.
Based on that assumption, would Siffren do the same thing for Isa? Would it be more powerful because they actually know how the ritual works?
Also your AU is great keep it up, I wish I was that talented at writing.
ooh. thats a fun question!!!
isa doesnt actually make a wish in canon until act 5 i dont think? sifs heard all their wishes before! the party tells him them when they find out about wishcraft. isa tells them that he hasnt wished for anything! he could be lying there tbf. i could also. be misremembering thats also a thing i could be doing.
id say that sif would overwrite his wish, but thats easier said than done! because isa loops to right after he makes his wish ("you are kneeling in front of the favor tree"). which meeeeeans: sif hasnt made his wish yet. and he remakes his wish every single loop unless isa distracts them from it. and oh boy! if that isnt a lot of... wishcraft.
easy answer to this: sif makes a second wish to help find isa and keep him safe. since they know wishcraft: this basically forces loop to help them! this wish is ultimately not more powerful than their original wish, however. it can only do so much!
AH ALSO I FORGOT TO SAY THANK YOU FOR THE KIND WORDS!!! dont put your own writing down, though!!
#basil answers#asks#anon#isat spoilers#of stitches in sequence#i!!!! dont think i explained this very well ive gotten not enough sleep recently my brain is running at like 3fps.#the way the loops work in osis are kinda fucked up.#because theyre supposed to be siffrins loops. isas wish was just so uh. belief-y that it got tangled up in the webs of sifs wishcraft.#so the loops will sometimes reset based on *sif!* like when reaching the head housemaiden. 'you want to stay with them!'#itll make more sense when i write it properly waughgh.
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To the person who sent the ask about EBY (Eclipsed By You) while I've been dragged this Sugar!Eclipse hell pit: No, I haven't dropped EBY! It's of the many aus that I just keep hopping between writing or drawing for because... ADHD lmao. EBY holds a very special place in my heart so trust- I couldn't get rid of it even if I tried lol. I work on bursts of passion and right now that would be specifically for my Sugar Daddy Eclipse au <3 As for what's planned for EBY (which I vaguely answered in the past but I've changed stuff since then): It grew from a vague canon divergent idea to its own beast of a long-form Pizzaplex au fic altogether because I didn't know where to stop with "yes, and". I still plan on it being DCA/Reader centered. Given that you've seen *that* EBY Eclipse art from a while ago, I'll just say it's still relevant because I don't wanna spoil the fun. ofc I wanna get back to it eventually! <3 For now, sugar!clip is on the mind and I'm gnawing on him like a bone. So to answer your last question: I don't plan on a long form fic for sugar!clip. It'll be more like a collection of drabbles and oneshots within the au. I have a "story" of sorts in my head + specific beats I wanna hit, but not one I could cohesively tell in one fic cause that idea alone is kind of nauseating. Gotta love being in the purgatory of not really outlining or pantsing but a secret third thing that only makes sense to you. (I'd argue it's a combination of both, but mostly whatever satisfies my ADHD and poor memory especially cause I love jumping between projects.) Anyways, my heart so full knowing you're thinking about EBY even if I'm not actively posting about it!! <3333
#pingyappathon#pingquery#dca fandom#fnaf daycare attendant#sugar!clip#EBY#eclipsed by you#believe me- if i could write and draw all of my ideas all at once i would without hesitation#i just dont think there's enough hours in a day to do everything i want between responsibilities and needing to rest lmao#maybe i should do a visual of all my au versions of dca but some of them dont have a proper design planned yet ack.#which i have 20+ aus as of right now and some more that are just vague ideas. its a big laundry list lmao#all of my best writing happens when im sleep deprived and can barely keep my eyes open i wish i was lying
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finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh
#Given some of it IS lines of code and stuff but like.. minus all that it's still probably at least 85 - 95k words hhhhhh#AND I have to do this for another 3 characters. Then a few partial quests for 3 others. THEN the other random misc stuff in the game#(like there are public areas in the city like a park and a forest that you can go and do a few things at. and chat with a few random#townsfolk that aren't actually full characters or anything. And there's a community board where you can#browse some of the random job advertisments or silly things that happen to be posted around#and also pick up a few odd jobs of your own to help earn coin to buy gifts for the npcs. etc. etc.)#Originally I was thinking like 'ah I'll make a short little game just to try it out! :3 It'll take maybe a few months!''#haha........................hee hee........................................hoho#Also evil that it would have been done already if I didn't totally drop itand stop working on it for like 5 years randomly#i could have made 5 years of steady slow progress gradually. instead of like 'one initial idea dump + about a month of art and writing'#...... 5 year break..... 'sudden mad dash to try to get probably 400.000 words written in a year or less' lol#I just really want to be done and have something out there already so it can lead to doing other things in my world..!!!!!! T o T#Like this can be an introduction and then maybe from that I can make other games. or short story anthologies. or other such things#But there needs to be some initially not very complex easy to interact with starting point first I guess... if that makes sense#That's part of why I stopped posting worldbuilding lore dump stuff as often because its' like.. massive walls of novella length#text are much more inacessible to engage with than like.. ooh a game! and there's characters! so its more approachable! and theres#visuals! oo! and the text is broken up in small bits line by line with other things in betwen! oo! etc. etc. lol#Not that THIS is even very accessible. I think dialogue heavy interactive fiction/visual novel type stuff is pretty niche and considered#boring or tedious compared to something with more ''gamplay'' like where you can actually move around in a world#and shoot things or whatever lol. But its an inbetween point. something SLIGHTLY#more accesible for now. Since i just dont have the budget or means or ability to make some skyrim type thing obviously LOL#Though maybe if theres any interest in the visual novel that could lead to making other things too. or at least I hope. I have a VERY cool#idea for a more ''gamey'' type of game that is a super fun concept and etc. but I would need to hire at least 2 people to make it.. ough..#I could do all the writing and probably half of the art. But I think I'd inevitably need a 3d artist and someone who can Code For Real hbjh#the system for ren'py (the thing I'm making a visual novel in) is not that complicated if you stick to just simple dialogue and stuff.#Making a whole moderately sized 3d game with minigames in it and a bunch of quest features and etc. would be out of my simplistic scope#''just learn it yourself!!' ... i barely manage to eat and sleep reliably every day lol... i do not function well enough to spend months#learning that many new skills. I already have a lot of of things I'm good at (not in a braggy way but just factually like.. i already have#a wide variety of different things under my belt).. at some point I have to just be happy with what i CAN already do and focus on that#and admit I need to get outside help sometimes ghjbh... NO more new skills/hobbies!!! ... ANYWAY
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i miss writing i miss creativity.......... how to be creative and intellectually nourished when you're so so so so busy and overworked and have not stopped moving (literally and figuratively) for the past twelve or so months
#asking for a friend.#genuinely i want to work (creatively) so bad but i am so physically#drained it's making it sort of impossible.#genuine question how to hack it???#i'm already not sleeping enough#i'm getting more exercise than i used to and my life is more dynamic than when i was bored and 9to5 depressed#but good god the physical exhaustion every day.#means that i just simply dont have the strength to hit the keyboard once i get home.#i need a writer's residency i think . i need a vacation also#for like 6-12 months preferably.#personal
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oh my god u rly are everyone you've ever loved !! for better or worse !! a part of you becomes them!
#i had a moment of lucidity idk im in this café the person i went on a few dates w is coming to see me i said come study w me#and they said okay immediately even though im a town over and i dont like them i really dont feel even a little attracted to them that way#but i did let them bite my neck a week ago and it still hurts i let them hold my hand i just#i never start anything#i let them kiss me. why do i do that? i dont feel anything towards them#and i told them ill probably never sleep with them and i thought thats enough but it really isnt is it#they write poetry about people they meet even once#theyre coming a whole town over to study w me but its not a date i feel nothing towards them romantically and i dont want to lose them as#a friend. this was her line of thinking wasnt it? i would take the train and meet her near her place in ldn and wed study together and#shed let me hold her and she would never initiate much and we were just studying together and it wasnt a date#like . fuck. i dont want to do what she djd to me to another person ever#their shared location map went offline at london bridge like ok theyre in the underground they are fr coming a whole town over#its a short distance but the point is i think i should have taken what my friend said more seriously . she told me i was kinda leading#them on bc what i thought to be just meetups dates might entail more for them#anyway im gonna be clear w them this time maybe#....IT JUST NEVER COMES UP IS THE THING#do i have to clarify even if it never comes up#i do in fact hear myself#ok#the parallels r lining up#aaa
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Actually, on the topic of the baby fever. God it's so frustrating. Bc when I was like 14 ish I was Adamant that I never ever wanted kids. And my dad said smth around the lines of "that'll likely change" (probably from his own experience with this) and I was like NO. it WONT.
And then eventually, age 21-22 ish, I admitted that Okay, I still don't want to have my own kids, but someday maybe I'll adopt...
And Now, 27 years old, I got the general baby fever on occasion. It Did fucking change. And I don't know if I actually WILL bother with having my own kid (I still don't want to go through the hassle and massive body changes). But god. I do see a fucking baby and feel that stab of longing. It's almost like my damned hormones betrayed me or smth. Maddening!
I shall simply write fanfic about it.
#speculation nation#pregnancy ment/#honestly though i hadnt felt the wish to have my own until after my dad died#and i realized just how small our family is getting. and just felt this stab of NEED. to continue the line. continue the family.#my family's fucking dying around me i need to add to it. need more family. yknow?#so i dont actually know if this is. because of hormones or because of grief or What#but it was enough for me to put the hysterectomy idea on hold. bc id been genuinely considering it back in like. april? or so.#but then this happened and now im like. fuck dude. i dont know. but the uncertainty's enough to keep me from doing it.#yeah i dont wanna deal with periods anymore. but also. i need more time to decide.#i think no matter what i do want to raise kids someday. once im more stable (financially and emotionally)#but whether thats adoption or putting myself thru fuckin body torture. well i'll just have to decide. later.#maybe the deciding factor will be my own body aging lol. if i wait too long. my body will decide for me. who knows!#i Have thought about what id do if i got accidentally pregnant. especially relevant back when i was sleeping with a trans woman#and used to be id abort no hesitation. but well. i mean abortions illegal here anyways rn so id have to go to another state#but if i decided it i could make it work. it's not That far of a trip.#but. when i thought about it. the concern was less about the theoretical baby. and more about finishing school.#thinking 'man itd be fucking awful to finish school if i got pregnant right now'. but not. hesitating over the baby.#if i was out of school and relatively stable and i got accidentally pregnant. then. well. Maybe.#so me doing my dad vash au where he gets accidentally pregnant and goes all in with it#thats me. sorting out my feelings on it i guess. putting them somewhere.#idk. it's a lot to think about. i dont want to condemn a child to my genetic problems. but at the same time...#i dont know. To Be Decided Later.
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“you used to be so happy as a child-”
AGGHHHHH SHUT UPPP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUTUPSHUTUP STOP
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#OHH MY GOD YOU THINK I DONT KNOW THAT???? YOU THINK I DONTKNOW HOW MUCH HAPPIER AND FUCJING. NORMAL I WAS? I DO. I FUCKING DO#but THANK you for reminding me like i wasnt already fucking wallowing in self pity enough i dont need you giving me more reason to!!!!!!#a good cry would help out so much#but unfortunately#i can only cry on the rare occasions god grants me the permission to#which happens next to never!! ♡#vent#i just want to sleep#im fucking tired!!!$!!$+++!!+$+$8+$(6$+ of just today or my whole existence? who knows lol!!!!!#edgy hours😨😨😨👂🏼👂🏼👂🏼👂🏼👂🏼 ignore this#i js need an outlet
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People really think trust issues are just "aww they're scared of love" and it's like bitch no. Trust issues as in I'm deeply in love and the issue is I'm waiting for you break my heart after undergoing periodic abuse in relationships. I'm not scared of love I'm scared of what you'll do with it.
#ahahahaha anyways. ranty time in the tags wheeee#paranoia has been terrible today. everyones mood is off. everyones acting different. everyones acting colder. they hate me im sure of it#and all this stuff i want to be happy i just know is gonna be ruined or left with tainted memories now and its my fault#but maybe its not because why the fuck cant you be consistent. why is it so touch and go#i support ppl through the worst parts of their lives and when i need the support nobody is there#i will literally take time off work to be with someone if theyre having a hard time but me? cant even afford more than three words#im sick of being told i love you and finding no proof outside empty words. i sure as hell dont feel fucking loved. everyone is lying#it's just like my ex. he smothered me in love to cover up the major lack of actually viable love#empty words make me sick to my stomach now. everyones a fucking liar and i dont get why the wont just tell me the truth!#if im such a burden then just fucking say it! if im horrible to be around tell me! how am i supposed to every grow if nobody tells me#i just wanna be loved and not unconditionally. i want to be loved by choice. i want someone to choose me despite everything#i want someone to love me to every little detail and hold my hand even when im at my lowest and just UNDERSTAND#i want someone to love me wholeheartedly and think about me as much i do them. i want the little gestures and the sweet things i do#but here i am. always the one carrying everything and putting in all the effort. when was the last time someone really liked me.#when was the last time i existed in someone elses head. when was the last time someone cared enough to check on me. to do something?#this savior mentality is gonna kill me but im only being straightforward when i say i cannot pull myself from this alone. i am so weak#and god im fucking tired#spent at least two hours straight sobbing while regressed because even as a kid i cant outrun this#and im just getting sicker. i cant sleep. cant eat. cant stay warm. feel like im slowly fading away#and nobody even cares. its so fucking selfish and childish but my whole life ive screamed for help and nobody has seen me#do i have to become another number in the statistics for you to care? or would you even care when i die?#because at this rate i dont even need to try. my heart hasn't slowed in three days. i think i really am dying#sad thoughts#vent blog#sad blogging#vent#vent post#venting#actually mentally ill#actually traumatized
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Ugh..narrator...
#slay princess spoilers in these tags alex don readdd#i should be sleeping rn but while i was work i couldnt stop thinking abt#how much i feel like the narrator relates to me in how ocd affects me#hes not just afraid of change hes afraid of possibility. but thats not what he thinks hes afraid of he justifies his fear as#wanting to protect the world from seein death ever again#but in truth he wants to kill the embodiment of change itself#my mind is hazy but like i can get it because so many times i just hope that#things just stop#because i think abt so many possibilities so bad that it hurts me a lot#only thinking about the bad possibitilies and the good possibilities never go through my mind#i think so much abt everything that could happen if i do anything that i try my best at avoiding it#and if i fall into not doing it feels empty and stagnant#its safe but it feels really bad and i feel bad abt my fear#and thats what the narrator wants for the full scope of the world cos he thinks that will be better for everyone#dont get me wrong hes very wrong lol but hes so human at the same time#it only gets more clear by his nightmare where he describes that every good moment in life is a short omen for something horrible to happen#next#thats so ocd to me man “oh fuck this is too good something bad will happen”#bitch should have gone to therapy instead of trapping the gods of reality itself trapped in a torture bubble lol#or he should have played satbk#sonic is always right#also i get a lot of ocd vibes from the cage but its slightly different#she thinks she already knows whats going to happen and doesnt try to test another possibility#the only way to save her is to prove to her that what she thinks will happen isnt set in stone. she cant know what will happen#even if her past trauma feels like enough proof that things will be the same- she cant know...#also how she thinks her body is acting on its own and that it has nothing to do with her but it does she just cant see it#cage....#also i love how she comes from prisoner. because prisoner is actually very reasonable in her distrust of you but she believes that her plan#will work#but it doesnt and it turns into the trsuma that turns her in cage cos every worry feels like its the truth
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Random people put a like on my ryusen marriage post every once in a while this makes me happy i like ryusen
#Listen to my problems#actual s tier ship ...#the best most awesome ships in the fandom are ryusen and kohagen#a tier ships are kohaluna (shoukd be s tier but they dont have enough canon points) and mozgen#that one guy on twt who ships senxen like a maniac is fucking awesome also. and putting senku on top is actually more based than anything in#this life or the next. like yeah ??? yeah ??????????#until it becomes shotacon then sorry#but like GOD come on now#the reason why im not talking about tksn is because its in its own tier called tksn which is above everything else#actually stanxe is in the tksn tier too thats why i didnt talk about it#oh my god wait the reason why i like ryusen so much is because i see ryusui as asexual and senku as ... not !#waiter waiter ! more nonstandard pairings please !! wait i hope this post doesjt show up in the main tags im sorry#another ship i really love is kohahyo because like shes so cute and not even scared of him#i love shipping kohaku with men even though shes literally a lesbian to me because shes my comphet queen whos looking for a baby daddy#like if she cant have senku then she will pick gen but senku wants her to do it with tsukasa out of scientific curiosity but also kohaku#just existing as she is makes guys like her and i believe in my heart that hyoga has a soft spot for her cuz everyone does and shes the#baby of the fight crew (god she really is the youngest and tiniest member...) i say the fight team i literally mean only hyoga tsukasa and#kohaku because the three of them are always deployed together but i like to think hyoga has a little crush on her#like he has a little crush on gen too but because hes fun to bully and cute but for kohaku he wants to take care of her#and she will never fucking know because he will take this to his grave. sorry this is a ryusen post i love ryusen#what are the other good ships ... honestly joel and spiders is kinda.... OH MY GOD WAIT SPIDERS AND RYUSUI. SO AWESOME#i call her spiders because i used to cover her body with spiders but her name is minami and shes the reporter lady in love with tsukasa. my#favourite ryusui ships are with spiders and senku who are both madly in love with tsukasa (coincidence)#there was that one shipping chart i saw where everybody loves nikki and i thought that was funny as fuck like thanks ! true !!#i also like shipping gen with maya because i think he should sleep with as many people who can break his pelvis as possible. fandom bicycle#and ryusui gets to follow stanxe around because everyones his partner. i saw a fanart of him making out with taiju.. the scream i scrumpt...#but also yeah you need to commit to it or itll become lame and boring#i didnt talk about s/g because it sucks#anyway say congratulations to dr and mr stone for finally getting married congrats ryusen i dont even ship you two
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do not look at this i’m just gonna be throwing a fit in the tags and i need to feel like its going somewhere
#look. i love my roommate. p much my best friend. i am also this close to fucking killing them dead#the way they live. stresses me out#like i work 40 hours a week. 4 10 hour days. in the medical field#she works like… 16 hours a week. 4 4 hour days. basically babysitting#doing crafts and watching children in an after school program#so tell me why the fuck i’m doing like 95% of the work around the apartment#and shes stressing me out rn in particular cause the hours she works are like. 2-6 pm#and when i’m off work i dont see her wake up/come out of her room until like 1#but the thing is. is that instead of doing things she needs to do before going to work#shes decided to do her laundry after she gets home#so its 10pm and im trying to go to bed so i can go to work in the morning#but im just listening to the fucking washing machine which is on the other side of the wall from my head :)#bestie :) do you have thoughts :) in your head :) ever#and she barely does her dishes she never takes out the trash#she leaves food in the fridge and pantry for way too long and instead of eating stuff she has she just buys more stuff#shes so messy her shit is everywhere and shes like boarderline a hoarder actually#girl you have enough stuff. its time to stop i think#she does not think before she buys anything#she loves vintage/antique things#and she basically just sees something and goes ‘i like that’ and buys it#without thinking if she actually needs it or is gonna use it#i swear 90% of the time shes forgotten that she bought anything by the next day#its just abandoned somewhere among her stuff#im like girl. im begging you to try and get a normal sleep schedule so you can be up and doing adult things during the day#bc i pay for half this apartment and im about to bite you#and she doesnt seem to understand why i want to sleep at night#it like. confuses her#she tries to get me to watch like three movies in a row with her after work and when im like okay i need to go to bed she actually like#pouts at me#and ik from experience if i dont sleep enough i get really mean and dysfunctional. so
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