#i dont think that should be understated

[everythingsinred]

what follows is a long, rambly, and possibly sappy thank you note to the best fandom ive ever involved myself in. if you have ever sent me an ask, commented on my fics, or replied to a post i made (or even liked it tbh)--then this post is for you. (and this is most certainly not a good-bye or even close; i just occasionally get into sappy moods)

i want to start working on a career that i like, and my mom’s recommendation was to start a writing blog (she insisted i dont call it that though--to call it a “website” so it sounds more professional when i apply for writing gigs). its not the first time shes given me that advice but i have for some reason always resisted that idea before. “nobody would read it” was always the bottom line. that whole “it has to be perfect to make up for the fact that it’s me” has always been my outlook on anything i produce. its why i feel so poorly whenever i post a new chapter of a fic or any art ever. its why im taking so long on the next batch of ga essays. its why ive never formally submitted any writing ever for publishing. why would anyone read anything i have to write, especially with no dead fandom to prompt them? who would choose me out of all the aspiring writers out there?

for ga it was a bit easier after a bit of breaking through the initial anxiety of sharing bits of myself. its a small fandom. not much content going around. theyd take anything right? even if it was from me! 

but something really weird happened these past few years in the ga fandom. i started writing essays and became more vocal, posting my thoughts, writing a long, dark, fucked up fanfic. i got feedback from people who wanted more from me. theyd ask me my thoughts on things, when id never considered myself an authority on anything or even very interesting to talk to (a lifetime of being the substitute friend will do that to you). ppl sent me asks about questions. they replied to my posts to further discuss things. me! what on earth?

then it got weirder. i posted my weird messed up little fic and now every once in a while ill get a comment from a person that says that my fic is their favorite, not just in the fandom, but ever. EVER. what? a couple of people have told me that they’d read anything i wrote, even if it had nothing to do with gakuen alice.

that they’d read something just because it was me.

this isnt a rant or a vent. something has changed in my self esteem in the past few years because today, when my mom told me i should start a “writing website” and post weekly writing, it actually sounded like a decent idea. no part of her advice was different than it had ever been, but i was. i could for the first time imagine starting a blog (website) and picture someone actually liking what they found there. and that’s bc of the ga fandom and bc of the writing ive done it for it and SPECIFICALLY the writing ive actually had the guts to share. 

none of it has been perfect. im lazy when it comes to self-editing and when i finish writing a chapter im eager to just throw it out there instead of rereading it once, let alone twice. a lot of it has been imperfect, but you guys still read it. you enjoyed it, even. “it has to be perfect to make up for the fact that it’s me” has never been a problem for you. for whatever reason, quite a few of you like me, like my writing, like my ideas and thoughts. a couple of years ago i wouldnt have been able to fathom that, not even in my wildest dreams. 

im proud of myself for taking those first steps a couple years back, for posting those first couple posts and letting myself get involved in the fandom for a manga ive loved for half my life. im proud because if i hadnt done that, then maybe my self esteem wouldnt have developed like this. maybe i wouldnt have been able to picture a career in publishing as clearly as i can now. i obviously still have issues as far as my self esteem is concerned. i second-guess myself. i talk down to myself. i put off rereading bc i dont want to hate what i create. but you guys have helped me like my writing and helped me see that other people can like it too.

i am beyond grateful for that. i dont get a lot of traction or feedback like i would if i were in a larger fandom, but i dont mind. the feedback that i do get is of such good quality and has meant so much to me that it has potentially changed my life. i just needed you all to know that. that the people who have sent me asks, both on and off anon, requesting my thoughts on any topic; the people who leave comments on ffn and ao3, giving support ranging from long paragraphs to a brief sentence; the people who dm me or message me to share their thoughts on my work; the people who commented on my natsumikan essays telling me that ive helped them see something from a different perspective--you all have helped me see that there’s value in the things i create. 

i just want to say thank you. it has meant so much to me so far to be able to feel so confident in my writing. i really didnt even notice the change until today. how bizarre is it that something so important can change without you even noticing? i look forward to sharing more with you, from more fics to the mikan essay (which still has to be perfect, just maybe not as perfect as it wouldve had to be a few years ago lol). 

don’t be nervous that this a good-bye. it is not. it’s strange because whenever i’ve said anything like this (sent a message of adoration to a person i love, for example), people think it’s a bad sign. that i’m saying good-bye, or that it’s somehow a sign of something unsaid. i understand. this kind of nonsense sappiness (like all that stuff i wrote up there ^) is usually saved for the ffn bio when someone is leaving the site, for the good-bye post when someone decides to leave a fandom. “you’ve all meant so much to me and i’m leaving now.” that’s because usually people save all the important things for the end. you only say how you’ve felt when you say farewell. i don’t think life should be that way. i’m not saying good-bye, i’m saying i love you. i think people should say that more. i want people to feel good about themselves for what they’ve done, however small, to make my life--and undoubtedly the lives of others--a little brighter. and you have. you should know and i don’t intend to keep it to myself until i say good-bye (whenever or even if that happens). 

tldr; i love you gakuen alice fandom <3 youre not dead because dead things cant give life the way you have.

[intertexts]

also really funny to me that i wasn't very interested in most pd ships until new haven wards. ghostkicks insane qprisms obviously but now i'm like over here shaking and sobbing thinking abt evildead & ghostknife & all their dreadful intricate messy bestfriends little polycule. as mallard conway calls it.

[todayisafridaynight]

I may just be delirious but I kind of feel like there's something there about some of the most traumatic events in Arakawa's life arguably stemming from/being made worse by being loved too much.

Like, Toshio's death, right. The death of a parent is always always going to be traumatic, particularly when your other parent is abusive, but I feel like being there, being the first to the scene, made it so much worse. Especially when it should've been a good memory.

Non-zero chance I'm just projecting because I was there for my own father's death and I was around Arakawa's age at the time, but it's like... it did have very specific life-long effects, didn't it... the way he keeps coming back to Peking duck and talks about it like he's had it before when he can't even bring himself to eat it unless he's with family (and indeed, never did, up until right before he died)...

And then there's his former patriarch. Of course, he seemed to see Arakawa as more of an object--fully under his control and something to be thrown away at the first sign of autonomy. But I feel like, before then, Arakawa must've been his "favorite," if he was willing to arrange a marriage between his daughter and Arakawa. Which I expect is what made his reaction when Arakawa told him he was (technically) having an affair with Akane and wanted out of the family that extreme in going as far as to send men after Akane and Ichiban.

The last one I can immediately think of is not exactly traumatic for him, though it is traumatic For Me so I'm counting it, but it's of course what we were talking about with Jo hesitating so much at the thought of killing Arakawa that he passed up the chance to save him.

I Dunno I Am Delirious but... there's a pattern somewhere in there... Anyway. Uh. "Happy" Father's Day am I right

happy fathers day :]]]]

[killjoycatlady]

god shiv. she was never equal to her brothers because shes daddys little Girl and she cant be weak and emotional and womanly and her husband and her father sided with one another against her and she got mommed and her husband is a tool for her father to use against her and her husband was with her dying father when she wasnt and hes now her fathers ghost and shes pregnant and assuming its toms, theres a part of that growing inside her. its Inside her body and it can only be removed through pain and force.

[spaciebabie]

im sure many ppl w/cptsd already know about this book, but if you dont for some reason you should read "Complex PTSD From Surviving to Thriving" by Pete Walker you can find it for free online. this book has helped me so much i cant understate it. i also think that some of the chapters in the book can help other people regardless of if they have ptsd or not, so if you're looking for resources for yourself i would give it a shot

[ariesbloodstone]

I know buck was weirded out by the fact that tommy and abby was engaged. I mean who wouldnt? That's a crazy twist. But I got a feeling that buck was bothered by it because tommy had hurt abby. Almost like he still care about her and feel protective over her and angry at tommy for hurting her. I know he loved her and maybe still care about her, but that just seem weird to me. At the restaurant scene when tommy said he was engaged and almost married a women, buck looked surprised seems understanding about it. When tommy said abby took a himbo half her age, buck just responded by saying she maybe did that to get tommy out of her system. He didnt even mad at tommy and seems to be on his side. But when tommy said it was abby clark and buck realised who it was, he got shocked which is understable. And then he told maddie. And said that tommy led abby on and hurt her. And buck thought he knew tommy and never thought tommy would be that cruel. But he only feel that way when he found out the women was abby. So I wonder if he would react the same way if the women wasnt abby? Based on his reaction before tommy mention her name he doesnt seem to care about it. I dont know. To me it looks like he still care about abby which is ok but like he cares more about her than tommy when he is actually dating tommy in the present. I dont know maybe I'm wrong but I just feel weird about it. Actually all the scenes was weird in this episode.

I really dont like buck flirting with that women in the restaurant. I mean tommy was there and watching. Its so rude. And then the convo about women and abby. And then the scene with maddie and josh. Another thing thats weird to me. Why buck was so suprised and hurt on abby's behave for what tommy did? I know what tommy did is not right, but tommy used to be a closeted gay men when he was younger. We all know that and so does buck. He was probably spend most of his life being in the closet than out. Which means he probably had girlfriends in the past and hook up with guys in secret. Like most all closeted gays do at the time?. I mean I know this is 2024 but buck is not a teenager. He's young but not that young. He's what, 30, 33? I'm 30 and even I know how hard it was for the gays in the past. A lot of them hiding in the closet meaning they maybe had girlfriends and even wife. Even I know and understand why they had to do that. And buck doesnt and got angry about it? And what the hell about that speech about post glee stuff. I know a lot of people like it but its not my favourite. It just seems cheezy and frankly unnecesarry because a man at buck's age should've known all that stuff already.

It seems like buck had build up a perfect image of tommy in his mind. His first impression of tommy is that he's so cool and feel threatened by him which turn out to be a crush. And he look up to tommy and admired him which is cute and all. But then he saw this flaw of tommy and he got dissapointed. I think he should know that not everyone is perfect not even tommy. But its not good to have that kind of high expectation to anyone, even your own partner. They gonna have flaws and weakness.

Making buck asking tommy to move in after all that knowledge about abby and gay history is another weird move. How come he got that idea after all that. Another thing to blame the writers about. Not to mention making tommy feels like that is the end of their relationship. He could have just said it was too soon which it is. It is too soon and clearly tommy is not ready for it. A lot of couple survive through that. Its not a marriage proposal. Most doesnt work out after a rejection of proposal but this is not it. They could've work it out. Its like the writers in ep 5 is totally different from ep 6. I have read a lot of fanfiction that are a lot better than this mess of storyline.

[saltyskeletonkidpasta]

Unpopular opinion: I dont like chief Ross at all and I dont think she is a good chief or person.

She showed clear favouritism towards Sullivan in s5 by promoting him immediately and then him being first choice for interim captain. When maya figured out they were together told beckett to punish maya and torture her from the inside to keep her quiet abt her secret affair and just sitting back and watching it happen while continuing this secret affair I'm not defending the blackmail obviously she should be punished but ross could easily have dealt with maya professionally? Like write her up, caution her or just talk to her? Its just cruel to make her life a living hell. Becketts bullying which she encouraged led to maya's injury which happened at the station and firefighters getting injured in their own station is concerning enough nevermind them almost dying and then being forced into a psych hold by their partner then mandated therepy by the department and ross didnt even bother to check in with her. As the chief surely she has a duty to and the team that claims to be a "family" did nothing either.

She ignored multiple members of the team when they came to her with their concerns abt beckett. She knew he had been drinking on the job and let him off as he knew her dirty secret and proceeded to do nothing after he still showed his incompetence. Her not holding beckett accountable for his past mistakes actually led to his breakdown aswell. If he had been stripped of captain before the explosion in training then he might not have spiralled the way he did. Then when she was found out she played the victim. Its understable she would want a relationship aswell as a successful career I'm sure most people want that but what she put others through in order to get that? I can just never respect that.

[ritzcuit]

PART 2 of "looking at all the times datz says something gay or familial that drives me crazy." i guess?! should look at part 1 if you havent yet

soj spoilers ahead obvs. part 1 here in case u missed it

i skipped A LOT between the last post and now, bc datz doesn't show up for. a while. Well like he does a little bit but it's not gay or anything. it doesn't matter. what matters is that we're back in khura'in now, we're apollo now, and athena is here

and um, dhurke is arrested for murder. lol. but talking to athena in one of those "what to do" segments gets this.......

which up until this point i haven't actually seen yet. the noise i made. DATZ HAVING A HEART ATTACK? IM GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK!!! WWAAAHHH!! :(!!!!! THINK ABOUT IT!! THINK ABOUT DATZ SCARED OUT OF HIS MIND FOR DHURKE'S SAFETY. THINK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!! i don't exactly know what "wanted datz to go to him" means exactly. go to dhurke? well it doesnt matter i guess. cus the way they know damn well datz would freak out and try to bust dhurke out of jail...Sniffle... Sob........ i love datz so much.... loyalest man alive fr dont play with me

and then a Lot more bullshit happens, but good news;

theyre at the defiant dragons hideout again ^_^ with the photos ^_^ if you investigate them, you get this! here comes datz jumping at the chance to talk abt his (friend's) family again. the day WEEEEEEEEEE all went out fishing. shut up. WE!!! i always knew datz was there, in my heart, taking the photo... earlier, dhurke says "the three of us [dhurke, aj, yuty] living in the mountains", but clearly datz came by often enough. WE! WE WENT FISHING! WEEE!!! its just so easy to imagine... datz insisting they take a photo .. i cant take it... how many times was datz there. fishing w them. helping cook dinner and dealing w two rambunctious boys...crying

he also takes the chance to be hurt over yuty again.. datz has a lot to say about nahyuta.

investigating the sign [sic] gives datz a chance to geek about how cool dhurke is. "his fame as a lawyer spread far and wide!" i'm sure that's how they intended for datz knows about dhurke's lawyer days, but again, i like to believe datz was his weirdgirl. he probably was the advertising campaign if we're honest 😭

now we're talking to datz directly again ^_^ asking him about the sahdmadhi law offices. "and i quote" is so annoying. i know he's doing a deep voiced impression of dhurke right there. Stop memorizing shit he says. Gay

then! he says dhurke mentioned he wants apollo to take over the offices one day...which cute and whatever, but this isnt abt dhurke's dadliness, this is about datz being such a FUCKING GEEK! he's talking to dhurke directly, right, so why are you gassing him up 😭😭 TO HIMSELF! HE'S DHURKE! "must've been because of you, dhurke!" he's too much of a good friend. he's convinced everyone thinks dhurke is as cool as He thinks dhurke is. it's insane. the fanboy behavior will never end

it's nice to see dhurke and datz interact too. we really don't see much of that in this game. dhurke always seems kind of understated with datz as compared to when he's being Boisterous Dad or Rebel Leader in public... how many quiet moments did they share together... just sharing news and shooting the shit...dhurke doesn't have to put on big leader charisma 'cause datz uplifts him no matter what. Gay

Why Do You Know That, Datz

well, it's obvious why he knows that. BC HE WAS THEEEERREEEEEE of course, as a friend of someone, you wouldn't be totally blind to how they raise their kids, but we KNOW datz was there running around! paying attention. noticing these things. crazy. knowing another man's parenting style is crazy. "that much i'm sure of" knowing another man's Thoughts is crazy. Gay

also just makes me emo :( datz rly got front row seats to dhurke's parental anguish. i can imagine a hundred convos just like the earlier one, where dhurke regrets it, and datz is trying to cheer him up, same as always ...

datz has a lot to say about nahyuta. (asking him about nahyuta obviously) actually it isnt that much. but it's so funny. him being a hypeman for both sahdmadhis is so cute... and also him seeming frustrated that he doesn't know Why yuty is acting this way...'cause he cares :( he cares for his yuty :( CAUSE HE HELPED RAISE THAT DAMN KID!

ill smack dhurke rn he pisses me off so bad sometimes. datz is out here worrying over YOUR CHILD! and you're leaving him out to dry :( datz really loves that family...thinking about him trying to nudge answers out of dhurke, but respecting his boundaries all the while...GRRRRRR he's too good for you dhurke. you need to treasure what you have

asking datz about apollo's biological father leads to another Datz Exposition Dump in which i lose my mind bc he remembers too much about this fucking family. it's almost like he cares for them or something. "dhurke's the kinda guy who can become%$^%&#$%^" THIS ISNT ABOUT DHURKE QUIT GUZZLING HIM FOR 5 SECONDS! STOP!

this part is key to me cause, again, WEEEEEEE. *WE!* it proves that datz had been friends with dhurke before anything happened... a lot of his Datz Yapping could have just been recited stories, stuff he knew secondhand, but being close enough with dhurke to help him look for an orphaned baby's mother While fending off accusations of terrorism..... it's key. real ones get it. it isnt just "oh datz is a family friend" it's "datz was there at the beginning of everything". before the dragons started at all! Gay

presenting dhurke's law book gets this. not explicitly dhurke guzzling rly but idgaf. I also refuse it being metaphorical. give datz a gay chest tattoo. COWARD! just imagine it. how intimate it would be... who was doing the tattoos for the dragons at that time anyway? a stick n poke by dhurke would be cool and badass, but then asking dhurke to do a whole chest piece on his best friend... dhurke's like, "are you sure? that's ... pretty intense," but datz's burning passion for the revolution is intense, isn't it? fellas is it gay to impart your personal symbol of revolution onto your best friend's chest by candlelight? because i'm making it by candlelight now? Hello

presenting amara's assassination file. "i got the whole thing memorized" i should smack him genuinely. ive had enough of this man for real. CUS WHY ARE YOU MEMORIZING THAT? his loyalty knows no bounds. also datz sad about yuty again.. omfg i know he is SO SAD about that boy

he is genuinely the sahdmadhi's number one fan. him being dhurke's boyfriend would be less gay than what he has going on now. like despite everything there's still Something to be proud of yuty for...even if it's being a turncoat enldkfngd ... datz cant help it...that's his lil baby 😭

there isn't a lot left in the way of like, anything, but there is this

datz coming in at the last second with Dhurke Can Do No Wrong again. not very gay but i do like them existing together :)

he's just so. ugh. i wonder what happened here so bad. how did dhurke and datz meet up at all? but dhurke asked datz to break him out and datz was like OKAY YAY ^_^ bc he probably was itchy about dhurke being in custody at all. sorry aj! objectively it looks bad but datz is, i think, incapable of seeing dhurke in a critical eye, so he just assumes dhurke's Got A Plan and he's totally coming back 'cause why wouldn't he :) he doesn't even think dhurke got caught again or anything. hes like. well surely dhurke did escape, because he's dhurke and he's the coolest most capable amazing perfect man in existence. Obviously

(those who know..)

:(

honestly, a little underwhelming all things considered, he bounces back immediately right after this because he is A Freak. well, no, it's bc he knows damn well it's what dhurke would have wanted, dragon yielding and whatnot. but seeing his sad little face devastates me. he tries to put on a determined face at first, only to revert back to this sad pensive sprite... datz... honey....

how freaky is it that datz was running around with the ghost of his bestie without even realizing it? well, that dhurke's been dead for so long... even "you're a sight for sore eyes" is with ghost dhurke, right?!

oh he got over it

"like how dhurke always wanted" WHAT ABOUT YOU. DATZ. YOU. AS A PERSON. YOU ALSO WANTED THIS. YOU COULDNT SAY "WE"? well it's in memory of dhurke, right? to honor his death? that makes sense. surely this is the last time he attributes something to dhurke specifically

STOP

and that, actually, is it. well roughly? considering i found a new section of dialogue that i totally missed up until this point, i wouldn't be surprised if something slipped my mind. I also have no idea if this was worth anyone's time, but i had fun with it anyway :3

if u read this far then cheers!! if u have any thoughts abt these specific morsels then tell me about them..!! again, like, i know it is Literally datz's purpose as a character to be the sahdmadhi lore dump in lieu of dhurke and yuty, but that just means they created an uncle who loves that family with all his heart. if we ever EVER!!!!! got any canon acknowledgement of khura'in again, which i doubt we will, i'd pray and beg for another crumb of datz content. please...

[gizkasparadise]

2023 wrapped: cdrama edition!

taking a page from @dangermousie and doing an overview of all the cdramas i watched this year (i'll do one for kdramas later)! listed in order of least favorite to most favorite. favorite =/= objectively best/most well-made. just the ones i had the most fun watching.

15 have a crush on you. oh dear lord. this drama should be a case study for what happens when a bad drama has charismatic actors and they keep you trapped hostage. i watched this whole damn thing hating every minute of it on behalf of the poor female lead who definitely deserved better. the ending? absolutely batshit, and not in a fun way. one of the weirdest, worst endings ive seen since with you

14 back from the brink. too kitschy for me, i didn't last long on this one (i think 2 eps lol).

13 gone with the rain. i wanted to like this one because i love sean sun and troll general is exactly what i want out of life. but i didn't like the weird daydream asides, constant animal noise sound effects, and i found everyone kind of off-putting in a non-watchable way, so i peaced out really quick--ep 4ish

12 here we meet again. i love janice wu. i continue to try out her dramas hoping for something to grab me again. this one was pretty boring/too focused on the work element and not the rest of it.

11 exclusive fairytale. i have a secret weakness for youth-to-working-life dramas, so tried this one out. flat, not a lot of chemistry, and very color-by-numbers. the show was clearly made to vehicle jun, and that's okay, but not my thing

10 the starry love. i wanted to like this one because the side characters were fun and i loved the male lead/prince of heaven and all his awkward "please leave by 9" energy. but it bored me overall and unlike most folks i had no interest in the demon secondary ship. i dropped around ep 10

9 my journey to you. it kills me to rank this one so low because it was my most anticipated cdrama this year, but i just couldn't get into it. the pacing was too slow for me, and i couldn't stand how everyone talked to each other (long. pauses. and then. staring. and then. whispers. always the. whispers). i dropped this around midway

8 the love you give me. the chemistry between the leads was cute and it was a decent modern romance. started losing me around the midpoint when the paternity reveal hit and the ML got way into boundary crossing because of it

7 circle of love. objectively not a good drama. in fact, a toxic and batshit drama that has probably made me a worse person for watching it. but gd did my messy ass enjoy the trainwreck.

6 road home. you really got to be in the mood for this one, but it's a nice, understated and slow melo romance. but def not a bingeable show since it takes its time with everything

5 wonderland of love. another drama that i dont think is objectively great, but two competent schemers/martial artists trying to one-up each other is like ship catnip for me and this was a show that lived or died by its ship. surprisingly tame for the screenwriter, and had a happy ending! popcorn watch.

4 till the end of the moon. me and this drama were in a bad romance, which i suppose is thematically appropriate. i hated parts of it, i was super invested in others. the post-dream human arc was giving wuthering heights tragic obsession incredibleness. even with its flaws, i think most of cdramaland is in agreement that lyx/tantai jin stole the ML competition this year. great gowns, beautiful gowns

3 story of kunning palace. i adored the characters in this drama! even when the plot was losing my interest, everyone was cast so well and had so much charisma that i stayed pretty hooked from ep 10ish on. absolutely loved the mean high school theatre director wreck that was xie wei, as well as the other (imo) true love interest of the show, princess leyang. the desperate speech about being like iron is gonna live rent-free in my head

& then 1&2 are way ahead of the others for me this year/a very close race between them!

2 a journey to love. i love this drama so much!!! i have not skipped or speed watched a single scene which for me is a huge feat! great character work across the board -- even the side characters have a lot of nuance and interesting dynamics between them. beautiful fight scenes. great ost. one of the best, most balanced main couples ive seen in a show. it's gonna break my heart in a few eps when it ends, but i'll be happy about it

1 lost you forever (s1). this drama came out of NOWHERE and the vicegrip it had on me while it was airing!!! my favorite FL this year (although a journey to love's ruyi is a close second), and just a ton of fun while also being quietly devastating in parts. i loved how lived in and tired the FL felt, enjoyed the various flavors of mess from her love interests, and enjoyed how extra it could go while still giving us really grounded and complicated characters. this drama gets extra points for converting me on several actors i did not think that highly of before the show.

overall, despite how many i dropped (lol writing it out made me realize i dropped so, so many), cdramas delivered for me this year! my top two are on my short list for favorite dramas, period. everyone go watch a journey to love and lost you forever if you havent yet!!!

AWARDS

Favorite ship: definitely goes to ruyi and yuanzhou from a journey to love. it's just nice to see a couple that mutually supports each other's murders

Favorite FL: xiaoyao from lost you forever with ruyi from journey to love as a very close runner-up. i am here for this year's theme of competent, jaded ladies trying to reclaim their lives

Favorite ML: objectively, tantai jin from till the end of the moon should win this, but story of kunning palace's xie wei was just so entertainingly grumpy, petty, and unhinged which is a winning combo for me.

Favorite 2FL: princess yang ying from a journey to love. she's doing amazing and im proud of her!!

Favorite 2ML: technically third male lead, but xiang liu from lost you forever was my favorite to watch and had the best tuxedo mask exits

Best Cast: a journey to love, i literally adore all of them, even the ones i hate

Best Blood Cough: tantai jin, you beautiful bastard who needs a bib

[mousemannation]

hiiii ! idk if you've mentioned it yet, but i was wondering about your thoughts on the mouse v mouse match coming up :)

hello!! hm no i dont think ive really talked about it, thank u for asking owowo

the h2h isn't actually as bad as it could be, it's 6-3 to daniil. the last time they met was at roland garros, the match that spawned the Nation! alex won that match although it was on clay so maybe not super even.

i think a lot of it will come down to daniil's mental state though. maybe bc alex isn't like... a super high profile player there won't be as much pressure? if that makes sense?? like i feel like he's still pretty understated in terms of popularity. but also maybe bc daniil should win that will affect him and make him mess up...

i feel like alex is pretty reliable, i don't know the stats but i don't think this year he's had any terrible matches (bar for injury reasons). if he stays consistent throughout the match, with the way daniil has been playing, alex just has to wait for daniil to lose it. which sucks bc i want the mice to fight on even ground :(

i'll be really happy whoever wins, obviously #mousemannation but also maybe daniil should lose so he can go home,,, diabolical that the janiil match is his last one like kick a man while he's down fr

[parabiota]

(No need to respond) the validation I admittedly feel seeing your post cannot be understated. I went through the same realizations because of her ai gen pfp where she said she was seeing if she could draw on her tablet again and someone asked for a timelapse and she wouldn't do it. Then i realized she was posting art she made using stock images (not really a crime) but claiming she drew them for wallpapers and inevitably I couldn't find any proof of her degree. It was maddening.

I couldn't find anyone else making these same discoveries so I wasn't sure if I was just going crazy over it. I think your post isn't really *that* harmful especislly if shes profiting off the lies. I dont even really care about the ai art on its own. I care about the way it compounds onto other discrepencies that accumulate into profit and is ultimately seeming to be built on lies. My only hope is she isn't lying about her financial situation. And she really does just need the money.

ultimately i believe you gave plenty of grace where grace could b given. And to me at lesst, i feel a little less crazy knowing I was seeing something fishy.

Arthur (the show) was right. Sometimes people can in fact just come on the internet and lie.

YEAH honestly Idgaf about any of this if she was telling the truth — if she was like ‘this is my ai generated art’ or ‘I used to study physics but I dropped out’ I would not care. Like that’s fine, none of those are inherently bad statements — the ai one is a bit tasteless but I’d be willing to accept it as just a difference in opinion. If she was honest while making donation posts, I wouldn’t have even raised an eyebrow. I probably would’ve tossed her a few dollars.

But noooo it has to be ‘this is my incredible art that I created’ and ‘I’m an astrophysicist with 2 phds’ like both of those statements are so utterly ridiculous. & it’s not like these lies have started recently — it’s been like 2 yrs of ai art and 8 years of claiming to be an astrophysicist. She started in 2015, when she was a freshman in college, and if my weird investigative journalism is right and she did drop out in 2017, then she has been lying for 6 years straight while not even being enrolled in a uni. I’m a bio student in my 3rd year and I feel weird about calling myself a biologist because I’m still a *student*.

The point I was trying to make w that post was ‘if she has been lying for 8 (or 6 if we’re being nice) years about X, and 2 years about Y, then she might be lying about Z too.’ I don’t really want to hurt her but girl how long do you expect this to go on lol. Genuinely.

I’ve said it before but I personally think people who are considering to send her a tenner should donate it to like. Palestinian relief organizations or one of the many actual homeless people who use this site. But like idk it’s your money you can do whatever you want with it !

[thistledropkick]

spoilers if uve not seen power struggle yet

do you have any thoughts on how the show went for shota? i feel like the crowd was booing louder than they were the last time he came out to challenge. i dont know if him coming back a second time helped things at all. like i just dont know if they can spin this until wk in a way thatll get positive reactions, not even with a heel turn?

Thanks for the message, and thanks for the spoiler warning as well!

To be honest, I have no idea what they're going to do. I expected the negative crowd response to be louder this time just because they're in Osaka, but even given that I agree that it did not go well.

The crowd response to the whole Umino vs Sanada match was that weirdly-scattered and weirdly-quiet kind of feeling that happens when a crowd isn't immersed in a match the way they should be. There were individual people cheering for each wrestler but group chants struggled to get started, the responses to big moves were quiet and understated, and the whole match had a weird vibe that I just don't see that often in NJPW.

When Umino came out to challenge Zack, the crowd responded with quiet unhappiness mixed with people shouting for him to go home and booing him. Umino just responded with a kind of blank stare, which I don't think helped the situation at all. And him needing Zack to handle the crowd isn't making him look good either. When he started talking, people in the crowd heckled him when he paused. And Umino copying Zack's "dickhead" insult got absolutely zero response from the crowd. Not a laugh, not a boo, but absolute silence. (Imagine the crowd response if Naito had said that!)

When they talked about Umino's title challenge in front of the crowd, Zack and Umino both kept the time and place ambiguous. I feel like if they had actually set the match for Wrestle Kingdom, the crowd response would've been even more negative. I assume they're handling it this way because they know that people don't want to see this match main-eventing Wrestle Kingdom.

And Umino coming in to save Zack, who is clearly beloved by the Osaka crowd, only to get an unhappy silence and some booing... it really says a lot. Even more so when Zack attacked Umino for saving him and the crowd started laughing about it.

At this point my only guess is that Zack vs Umino will happen before the Tokyo Dome, although they're kind of running out of time and options for that. Maybe at the Tag League finals show? I have no idea. And then who would challenge for Wrestle Kingdom instead? I have no idea.

I had hoped that they'd finally set Hiromu vs Naito to happen for this year's Wrestle Kingdom, and I had wondered if that would be the main event if it did happen. But with Hiromu and Naito teaming up in the heavyweight Tag League, them having a singles match at WK this year feels a lot less likely to me now. So, I really don't know...

Also, I agree that turning Umino heel won't automatically fix this. And even if it would, New Japan absolutely does not need any more heels right now. This whole situation is just so uncomfortable and unusual.

My own primary interest in NJPW is, as ever, the Junior Heavyweight division, so I guess I'm lucky that this situation doesn't really take much of my enjoyment away. And I do find it interesting - I have never watched anything quite like this play out in real time, and it especially seems strange in the current era of pro wrestling.

[p8567899754nhu]

sakura making fun of naruto for being an orphan is B.S.

sakura never made fun of naruto for being an orphan . yeah thats it . no matter how much naruto dude-bro's may lament over it she never did it. i mean their sakura hate is so comical they keep inventing weird shit to back it up , but here are the panels from the manga for reference:

she is not "making fun" of naruto in either of these panels though she says a bunch of stuff-

"naruto was badly brought up"

-im sorry ? do you object to this? do you think naruto was not badly bought up? idk what to even say here, when usually naruto wankers' lament over how sad were the conditions in which naruto was bought up and how hiruzen is a trashy caretaker , also notice how sasuke doesnt care when she says that and continues to walk past

"how he always comes between us"

um.. considering the shit naruto was just doing(beating sasuke , tying him up, and then fcking trying to kiss sakura disguised as sasuke!! ) and before that (sitting on desk and glaring at sasuke because sakura likes him and he is popular) i dont think sakura's complaint is very misplaced , and it could be that he might have done similar shit prior to this

"dont you envy him for being alone, not having parents to nag at you all time"

This is somewhat insensitive and not to naruto , who isn't even present at the moment but to sasuke because she is ASKING sasuke if he envies naruto because his parents dead .sakura saying to sasuke (indirectly) that lack of family is something one should feel good about and is lucky for .(although compared to the shit naruto and kakashi and even lee give sasuke on his clan in particular this is something that is indirect and somewhat subtle and is not intended to berate sasuke in anyway )

P.S.: she is not a psycho who wants her parents dead or anything she wants to be alone and to not have her parents nag at her or ground her

but I never saw this as delinquent or unsual behaviour from sakura's POV, because sakura is a normal 13 year old !!

it would make perfect sense for a teen to want to be alone , to be rebellious, and to not want your parents tell you how to do everything!

especially since kishimoto wanted sakura to be a charechter that is relatable to young girls

however post time skip sakura's views have on family seemed to have changed a bit when she asks sasori "what is family to you?!"

i really really cant understand how psychos of naruto fandom would give a pass to-no askchually WORSHIP charechters like Itachi (who is a fucking remorseless genocidaire!) and hate this girl , i made a post before but it seems its a lot of misogyny acting up, aint it - for she not only rejects naruto(which is a big sin in itself) , she HATES him , and doesnt coddle him (most of the time-although there are moments when she does), she doesnt give two hoots about him a lot of the time and is fangirling on sasuke -oh the misery!! - arent these reasons enough to take petty things about her and constrew them as though they were on a whole different league of evil .

"he doesnt have to answer to anyone, its made him selfish, if i did something similar, id be grounded for life"

well.. sakura's speculation on why naruto is selfish is sort of misplaced but somewhat makes sense comparing to the shit naruto has done up to now i dont think she is wrong in calling him selfish -he does what he wants without giving a damn about anyone else ,that is selfish -isnt that what he did just now, he beat sasuke, tied him up and went to kiss sakura without giving 2 hoots bout either one of them, and got no consequences for it ! if sakura wouldve attempted something similar then she would've been punished severely by her parents, who would perhaps also make sure that something like this never happened again. - is there something wrong in what she said here ? i dont quite understand...

To sum up everything , all she says is :

1. Naruto is badly brought up

2. He does fucked up shit because he's badly bought up

3. He has no one to watch over so he does selfish things

4. Sakura wishes she could do a lot if the things naruto does and is envious at how far he can go without getting reprimanded

[br1ghtestlight]

Gene ofc

first impression: i straight up do not remember for gene LMAO i watched episodes he was in years and years before i ever got super into bob's burgers like boys just wanna have fun-gus and i cant really remember what my impression of him was....?? most likely i just thought he was a silly lil guy and didn't dig any deeper. i got into bob's burgers tumblr because i had a Vision for my genderfluid gene fanfiction so certainly more recently my impression of him was THAT boy is genderfluid and nobody is doing anything about it

impression now: my son.... my literal angel sweetheart etc my perfect boy <3 probably my favorite bob's burgers character but its tough to say bcuz so many of them are so funny and great. my beautiful boy nonetheless and severely underrated

favorite moment: his scenes with louise in large brother, where fart thou? especially the ending scene 😭😭💔

idea for a story: my MANY many unfinished fanfic ideas staring at me.... one im not gonna really do anything with is the idea of jimmy jr x gene just because i think the dancer x musician thing would be fun to write. two creative music appreciators. and we should be doing MORE with that

unpopular opinion: gene is as emotionally complex and developed as every other main bob's burgers character people just don't pay attention bcuz his emotional problems are more understated than like. tina or louise's are. there isnt a lack of episodes focused on his deeper emotional issues or implications for how he processes things but him being conflict avoidant and generally staying out of trouble/hiding his serious emotions makes that harder for ppl to pick up on. we always need more gene episodes BUT i dont think it's fair to say he's under developed compared to other characters in the show. he's just underrated and perceived differently by fans. Not me though im different ❤️

favorite relationship: bob and gene and louise and gene are both soo adorable i love them for different reasons. also throwing in the highly underrated tina and gene dynamic

favorite headcanon: genderfluid gene maybe?? i like the idea of him becoming a famous musician when he's older and he'll def be in a band regardless but i would love to see him become an elementry school music teacher or a piano tutor

[llycaons]

this is all going under a cut bc oh my god. tw for suicide and suicidal ideation. I love this writing so much....the characterization really strikes me as so true to him and the emotions are elicited SO well. ohh healing and recovery....oh being alive again...

For once in his life, Wei Wuxian will go quietly, with nobody watching. He'd put on a good last performance, had the audience enthralled the whole night.

I've actually not read many fics that focus on this moment itself, the suicide at nightless

"Wei Wuxian," it says, "Wei Wuxian, take revenge for me!" Revenge, he thinks. Yes, Wei Wuxian had once been very good at that.

holy shit...

He would just have to endure it. Like always, Wei Wuxian would just have to endure it.

oh ben...you get him....

bells on her face jingling ever so slightly as she eats

her bells 😊

But there's a part of him that feels like a cautious, wounded animal, terrified of both Lan Wangji, and himself. Somewhere between the Sunshot Campaign and the bloodbath at Nevernight, Wei Wuxian had realized that Lan Wangji loved him back. But somewhere in there a degree of trust had been lost, too. Maybe more than just a degree.

NODDING...get into that....a lot of postres fics flinch away from wwx criticizing lwj bc I think they think it would ruin the romance but like it makes sense for him to be thinking about it! ppl act like it makes no sense for wwx to avoid lwj but he's been through the ringer! of course he's still jumpy!

rly interested to see how jc is handled here bc he also did not do anything to help but the way wwx is talking implies wwx had lower expectations of him which also kind of makes sense

No, Wei Wuxian is not sure that he could manage indifference, if he were to hear the sound of Lan Wangji's voice, feel the warmth of his fingers.

no comment I just love this line....

yayy being alive again and feeling the world

And then Wei Wuxian remembers, with the force of a thousand rushing cattle, that Wen Ning is alive

oh I remember when you were posting about this line! you were like 'it can't be a train, what should it be!' I think it was a good choice. also ty for recognizing this bc it didn't really happen in the show in a substantial way

Wei Wuxian, despite himself, despite his thirst for an uncaring heart, despite his sorrow, wants to do good again. To make the world a little softer for the people who find themselves falling.

when they both had known, Lan Wangji had been reserved, almost nervous. Like he wasn't quite sure exactly how it was you were supposed to love someone, in that way.

yesss they both knew! 2. that's EXACTLY the vibes omg, 3.

the bit about lwj growing into his body and being comfortable in his gentleness is SO good god damn. and the bit about wwx teasing him and enjoying lwj's attention/the chase...hehe

Wei Wuxian needs to work on the behaviors he finds endearing.

I'LL SAY

Wei Wuxian can't help but think that he might have encouraged this behavior, and incited his own stabbing. In the fever dream of his recovery, he tries very hard not to feel proud.

(affectionately) YOU'RE INSANE

His eyes are wonderful and soft and full of affection, so dark they're almost black, like the great expanse of the midnight sky or a still lake at night.

what nice imagery...

describing lwj as a fresh bruise is FASCINATING I love it

he has managed to crowd himself as much into Lan Wangji's space as is physically possible. Wei Wuxian likes to be close, to touch.

he likes to touch!!!!

He tries not to burst into fits of delighted laughter as he takes his hair down and changes into appropriate sleeping clothes. He tries not to burst into a million giddy pieces as he climbs into the soft sheets of Lan Wangji's bed and waits there.

I love the way this joy is depicted ahh I'm smiling so big

I also love how they dont talk about it. things are very understated and communicated nonverbally - no big drama or confessions. it's appropriate that the emotional journey of wwx as he recovers from his death and contends with his grief and familial estrangement looms larger as a force to be reckoned with than this relationship, which is more a gentle comfort and a long-awaited union. and the more specific and bigger conversation can happen later, but there's some Shit going on so this intimacy in the meantime is nice and feels so right to what's going on

I love this work for giving wwx time and space to grieve...sometimes you do have to sob uncontrollably for a while at the mere sight of a dinner tray. he didn't really get to do that in canon, not that we saw. but he had to have, at some point! he cried so much pre-nightless, it's not like he wasn't a tearful person in general. alas....

And then he's crying doubly hard at the thought of his little brother's face. Not his face now, permanently scowling and bitter and angry, eyes all full of hurt and tiredness, but his face when they were young. Round cheeks and exasperated smile, eyes and nose so much like Jiang Yanli's. He wants, more than anything, to be 15 again for just one day, laughing as he knocks Jiang Cheng into the river with his own body, Jiang Yanli on the dock, desperately trying to hold in a giggle

also I am ruined

He hasn't had a single second to process anything, not really. He thinks, with hysterical calm, that maybe he hasn't had a single second to process anything since the moment his parents died when he was just four years old.

actually so true. let him REST

A great, cracking shutter rushes through him, from the tips of his toes to the ends of his hair, and in that moment it feels as though each and every fiber of his body has been fundamentally changed. Every speck of color crashes down from the sky.

this...breakdown (?) is so well-done, wow. so evocative!

A warm hand rests flat against his back, and Wei Wuxian is overcome with the distinct urge to stop crying immediately and contort his body into a position of charming indifference. But he can't. He can't. 

how wwx to force that mask on until he literally snaps and he can't anymore. he really did need to scream it out for a while then get cared for....this fic is so gd real

But Lan Wangji's fingers feel so good on his scalp, and there's an ache in him, one that's existed since he was four years old, to be taken care of. Wei Wuxian wants so desperately to indulge it.

sobbing....yeah you really get it ben...

He sits in the water with a small, fragile Wei Ying, a cold and filthy little thing with leaves stuck in his hair. The boy stares up at him with wet, scared eyes, scrapes all over his arms and face. The voice still berates him in the back of his mind, but the small Wei Ying, with his cold fingers and dirty face, is louder, so he pulls the small body into his arms and lets Lan Wangji wash his hair. And with each tangle removed, the child becomes just a little bit warmer, a little bit less scared.

IM ALWAYS SUCH A WRECK FOR THIS TROPE 😭😭😭

ahh what a nice ending. a little cheek kiss hehe

this first chapter could honestly be its own fic. like this is a full narrative! ik there's more but structurally it's so good! the arc we went on with wwx...incredibly satisfying. amazing work!!!

[vilecrocodile]

ok ive spammed u with rbs so heres my quick and dirty thoughts on mouthwashing:

indie horror is back babyyyyy

the crew was really well developed. you know i love a Workplace scenario. the relationships felt understated but also very real. especially the sort of boys-club jimmy and curly and their shit about having each others backs even while jimmys resentment festers unchecked. how their special relationship is to the detriment of everyone else, especially poor anya. jimmy forcing daisuke to go through the vent - not for anya's sake, id imagine, but because he was scared she'd do something to curly. its only about curly for him and everyone else is just collateral damage and dead weight

even just his pathological obsession with keeping curly alive no matter what - even though "we agreed" and of course the others would agree - but then getting mad at others like anya for their "sentimentality" and letting out his resentment out at curly for even needing to be taken care of. god jimmy sucks so much. i hate him so bad.

ALWAYS ACTING LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IS CRAZY AND UNREASONABLE FOR DOING PERFECTLY UNDERSTANDABLE THINGS UNDER DURESS LOL

curly face reveal hes so ugly lmfao

some of the smaller scenes like with anya's "dead pixel" one were so so good. i think the game was strongest when it was doing these "quieter" scenes interspaced with the more hardcore horror

that said my biggest issue with mouthwashing is that some parts really overstayed their welcome. i thought the game was going to end at the birthday party Eating Him scene and frankly maybe it should have. jimmys personal silent hill sequence, while it had some good visuals, was just not worth how tedious it was to play. it shouldve been half as long and with fewer monster stuff. i get the sense they put some of that in just to not be accused of being a "walking simulator"... theres nothing wrong w a walking simulator. mb im just cranky bc it took me so long to do the stupid graveyard

really though i think the best parts of the game are the relationships between the crew members and when it got too much distance from that and was just jimmy running around like ahhh ahhh the childbirthed so scary my centipiede son. i get it he sucks. i dont need to look deeper into his psyche bc its all just a guy who sucks all the way down. it was rly just like. damn i kinda dont care. sawing through the cake and then through curlys leg was literally all the gameplay i needed. stop making me do timed shit

aside from that though. excellently designed game. they did a lot with the visuals and used every asset very cleverly. lot of great detail. beautiful colors and design. would play again. well most of it. maybe just up to the Eating Him scene