#i dont think people understand how much time it would take. and yea like im willing to say ok every character doesnt have to be wildly diff.

[jackmanbj]

school hours

A/N: this is a time skip fic, jack would be like 35 and reader is 34, with a 13 year old and a 6 year old.

summary: your teenage daughter gets into a fight and you and jack get into a small argument about the right punishment, but she has other plans.

jack signed as he pulled up in front of the school building getting out of his car and making his way into the office of the school.

jack went to the room in the office he was directed into opening the door to see his daughter sitting in a chair with her head down on her phone.

“hello mr. harlow please have a seat” as soon as jadore heard jacks name she picked her head up and placed her phone on the table “ok so, we are here because your daughter got into a altercation with another student uhm, the cameras show jadore did put her hands on the other girl first, but the other girl started it so, with that being said there both suspended jadore is suspended for 4 days and the other girl is suspended for a week” “jesus christ jadore, your lucky im here and not your mother.”

“i know” “also if jadore gets into another fight this year, she will be kicked off of any extracurricular team she may be on” “sounds fair to me, if thats all me and jadore should probably head back home so her mother could talk to her” jadore groaned and stood up “ yes sir thats all” “lets go jadore.”

jack and jadore walked out the school and back to the car, jadore got into the back seat while jack started driving.

“jadore, im not going to take your phone or ipad but if your mom does i wont stop her, what did that girl possibly say to you to make you put your hand on her??” jack started the car and pulled off.

“she said i only had friends because my mom is well known and my dad is jack harlow” “that cannot be the only reason you put your hands on her..” “she also said sarija looked like a horse and thats when i hit her…” jack signed “your mom might punish you so get ready.

jack pulled up at the house and when they walked in they found you sitting on the couch watching tv.

“Jadore Tovi Harlow, come here please” “yes ma’am” jadore hurriedly went over to you and placed her bad on the floor.

“why” “..at first she said the only reason people talk to me and the only reason i have friends is because your well known and because dad is jack harlow and went on to say how people use me, and at first i ignored her and walked away then she said sarija looked like a horse and thats when i hit her..” “did you win?” “thats what people are saying..” “you have a video?” “yea..” “let me see” “BABY!!” “huh??” “come here real quick!” “mk, jadore pull up the video!” “ok mom!”

jack brought you to the bedroom “baby..explain!” “what?” “why are you encouraging it?!” “im not! shes still in trouble but shes not in that much, she was defending herself and her little sister so im not that upset!” “if you don’t punish her i will!” “fine what should her punishment be?? im thinking like a week with no phone and no ipad, no going out with friends for about 2 weeks and no friends over for 2 weeks?” “how about all that but no phone for a month and no ipad for a week” “what no!” “why not??” “jack i remember getting my phone taken for months for defending myself it made me hate my parents and ect, i dont want her feeling the same way, 2 weeks without the phone is the most im going. the end.”

you walked out the room heading back to you daughter “i was kidding sweetheart i dont want to see the video, but me and you dad agreed you are in trouble baby, so no phone and no i pad for a week, no friends over and no going out with friends for 2 weeks understand?” “yes momma..” you grabbed her phone “go put your ipad in my room please and thank you. also go apologize to you daddy for fighting, if it was up to him you would be grounded for 2 months, go think of a longggg apology to say, give it to him tomorrow!” “ok.”

you went back to your bedroom and found jack kicked back onto the bed.

you went and climbed on too of his lap and gave him a few kisses on his neck “hi handsome” “what y/n” you huffed and pulled back so you were sitting straight up in him.

“jackk! please stop being mad with me!”

“im not mad” “you are.”

you started messing with jacks belt trying to get it off but jack just moved your hands out the way.

“baby!” “im not in the mood.” “mk..can we go shower together..?” “kiss” you bent down and gave him a kiss while he put his phone next to him and grabbed his hands full of your ass “mm” “lets go shower baby.”

jack picked you up and brought him to the bathroom.

jack placed you onto the bathroom countertop and turned around and started the shower water.

you pulled jack back to you and kissed him rough “mm jack” jack hands were rubbing up and down your waist while your hands were getting into his hair and around his neck.

jack pulled back once he heard a knock on the door.

“whats up pumpkin??” “do you guys want me to go get sarija??” “oh fuck” “no im about to go!” you quickly jumped off the sink and put on your shoes “you coming j?” “yea hold on.” jack put on his sandals and grabbed the keys and started to walk to the door.

“you wanna come jadore??” “nope” “ok”

once you and jack left jadore found herself going into you and jacks room and grabbing her phone, she knew she wouldn’t have long on her phone because sarijas school wasnt to far from the house but she wanted to take all the time she could get.

jadore ended up getting lost in time and didn’t hear the front door open, she was laughing on her phone until she heard the room door open “JADORE TOVI!” “yes daddy..?” “give me your phone NOW!” “yes sir..” jadore got off the bed and slowly walked to jack “now your not getting you phone or your ipad back for a month, you mom isn’t changing my mind either. go to your room.”

once you seen jadore walk out of your bedroom to find jack sitting on the bed strolling on his phone with jadores phone next to him.

“what happened?”

“she wanted to sneak her phone but doesn’t know how to be sneaky, i walked in to her ok tiktok”

“jesus..what did you say??”

“she’s definitely grounded for a month, no phone no ipad.”

“i guess.. im about to go back dinner go ask the girls what they want” “mk”

jack walked out the room and knocked on both the girls door and asked them what they wanted for dinner, they both said burgers so thats what you made.

“GIRLS DINNERS READY!! jack can you go get sarija and bring her down??” “of course”

jack went to grab sarija and came back with her on his hip and jadore next to him laughing.

“jadore i was thinking, good behavior gets your phone back faster, keep up the good grades, do your chores without us having to remind you, and you’ll get your phone back faster.”

jadore look excited and quickly started eating dinner.

jack sat sarija down and put her plate in front of her so she could eat.

“mommy!” “yes sweet girl??” “i full” “ok baby.”

you picked up sarija’s plate and started to wash it, once you were done you started to hold sarija’s hand and started walking upstairs “jack when your done can you wash you and jadore plate?” “sure baby.”

you jack and jadore ended up having a movie night because jadore was suspended anways, she didnt need to go to bed super early, but you made sure to let her know if her violent behavior kept going, her punishment would be wayyy worse.

[nonbinarytoast]

Listening to episode 44 of malevolent (live listen)

Arthur stay still while your organs put themselves back please

HELLO YORICK! HOW ARE YOU BUDDY?

Arthur is so salty, I love him.

Awwwwww John, look at you taking care of your boyfriend!!!

Yorick is weirdly autistic coded and I love him for that

… what the fuck is going on

“Not when. If.” John I love you but Arthur is a human and will die at some point.

“Then I have to stay alive I guess” ARTHUR. MAYBE STAY ALIVE FOR PEOPLE OTHER THAN JOHN. YKNOW. LIKE YOURSELF.

ARTHUR GETTING ARMOR LETS GOOOOOO MEDIEVAL MAN

Oohh. Oohh no. Oh god. Stop. Stop it Arthur. DONT CRY. IM NOT MENTALLY PREPARED.

YORICK SHUT THE FUCK IP AND LET THEM HAVE THEIR MOMENT.

Three days is not more than enough Arthur your organs have to rearrange themselves.

Oh Oscar’s note again. Oh fuck. Imagine if it has blood on it and he can’t read it. That would be so fucked up.

“It still doesn’t feel like the right time” yea, literally. It’s not the right time period.

YORICK I SWEAR TO GOD SHUT UP I LOVE YOU BUT DAMN

“Neither. I am Yorick!” Damn, another transgender allegory

“Something feels… like we’re missing something.” Don’t die again. Don’t you dare.

DETECTIVE LESTER LETS GO

“WHY DIDNT YOU—“ “let it go, let it go, she’s dead” not Arthur calming his boyfriend down ‘this isn’t you’ style

“You know that I love you too. And I couldn’t do this without you.” “I know.” “But I don’t recall if I told you… how proud I was of you. For finding your way. Without me, without anyone. It must’ve been difficult to fight for who you were. Who you are.” MMMMHHHHHHH IM GONNA CRY OMG

YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY DOOOOOOOORRRRR

Fuck you Yorick

Why her left hand. WHY HER LEFT HAND YORICK. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING.

Yorick drowning is strangely satisfying to me even though I think he’s funny and a good character like shut the fuck up man

Arthur don’t you dare drown

ARTHUR DONT YOU DARE DROWN

FUCK YOU PLANTS YOU AINT SHIT

Aaaaawwwwwww they’re all laughing and happy. This is great. Let’s never do anything ever again ok guys?

“I may have pulled my… stomach.” Arthur go to a doctor for fucks sake

“If your okay with it” Arthur I love you but you need stitches and John being comfortable is not your concern right now

Yorick. Yorick no. YORICK NO. YORICK PLEASE. YORICK I LOVE YOU NO. YORICK THIS ISNT YOU.

I do appreciate that Arthur is going with it and doesn’t care that John made a deal without his consent. Arthur knows that John was desperate and understands and I really like that.

What the fuck does “day of wrath” mean?WHAT THE FUCK DOES DAY OF WRATH MEAN?!?!?!

ALEXANDER!!!!!!!!!!! THE BOY!!!!!!! I LOVE HIM!!!!!

“Owls don’t eat people, boys” god he’s talking to them like they’re a fucking polycule

“I for one am glad you’re here Alexander. Between this one never shutting up and this one always with me, I appreciate a companion who seems to enjoy the silence” I love Arthur so much he’s such a babygirl

Wait a minute. WAIT A MINUTE. WAS THAT PARKER IN THE WAYLAY?!?!?! OH MY GOD HES SO AWSOME!!!!!!!

First episode where something didn’t immediately try to eat them let’s goooooo

[cowboybrunch]

writerblr interview tag!

thank you for the tags @tragedycoded (here) @sableglass (here) and @saturnine-saturneight (here) <3 ive been meaning to get to this one for a minute sooo let's get into it

Short stories, novels, or poems?

i started with poetry, so it has a special place in my heart. all of my short stories turn into beasts. is it a cop out answer to say all of the above?

What genre do you prefer reading?

it'd be easier to list what genres i don't like. when i say ill read anything, i mean ill read anything. lately i've been on a sci fi kick (thanks Pierce Brown) but i love a good modern trashy romance as much as the next guy (i read the booktok sludge so you dont have to!) im not really a nonfiction guy but hey, if anyone has some recs, ill give em a shot

Are you a planner or a write as I go kind of person?

def NOT a planner. usually when i start writing i have a vague idea of where we start and where we need to end up, but what happens along the way is a surprise for everyone involved

What music do you listen to while writing?

SILENCE. sometimes white noise. i cant focus with music, brain gets jumbled

Favorite books/movies?

of all time? oh god for books, probably This Is How You Lose the Time War or The Song of Achilles but The Locked Tomb series is def up there. not a novel but i've read Bluets by Maggie Nelson so many times i probably have it memorized by now favorite movie is Zoolander, easy answer. that movie owns. i can watch it on repeat and ill never get sick of it

Any current WIPs?

Dust to Dust is still alive but im taking a bit of a hiatus before hopping into the final bit (tag is here if you wanna see me ramble about it) Felix Wonder is the fun time brain break WIP of choice currently and im working on draft 3 of Burden of the Reluctant Death (we will get to the ending this time. we will)

Create a character description of yourself: 

Elusive, or pretends to be. Too much energy in too small a body. Refuses to sit properly in a chair. Prone to fits of melancholy remedied by sunlight. Easily excitable, but fussy. Same outfit every day: big sweater, little pants, fuzzy socks. Nails bitten bloody but at least her hair is clean (if a bit too long for summer)

Do you like incorporating actual people you know into your writing?

i could say no but that would make me a liar

Are you kill happy with your characters?

i was gonna make a joke but it would be spoilers soo. i write about grief. no way everyone makes it out alive

Coffee or Tea while writing?

coffee. i dont like tea (sorry sorry!)

Slow or fast writer?

im very much a burst writer so. flood or drought, no in between. lately i'd say SLOW but im just waiting for that spark u get me?

If you were in a fantasy world, what would you be?

this really isnt fantasy but i feel like i was destined to be the kind, slightly off-putting maintenance man in a haunted apartment building that says cryptic things like "don't take the east elevator on a full moon" and "the air conditioning has made that noise since the fire in 12B"

Most fav book cliche:

yea there's only one bed and ill eat it up every single time!!! also: "i didnt know where else to go" or basically any overdone romance trope you can think of. im here for it

Least favorite cliche:

if there's a cliche that i dont like, i havent found it yet

Favorite scene to write?

confession scenes of any kind! scenes where the big tough character breaks down. any kind of emotional revelation, positive or negative

Reason for writing?

words in head, need words out of head ok ok fine, serious answer. i feel like writing is both asking and answering the question, "have you felt like this before? has anyone ever felt like this before? am i alone?" and it's proof that you're not the first and only person to ever experience the things you're experiencing. even this made up guy in this pretend world understands rage and despair and joy and grief and love. the source is different but the result is the same. human connection, man. love it and! it's fun. im having fun

tag!!

@knightinbatteredarmor @friendlesscat @tildeathiwillwrite @glassonthewall @illarian-rambling

@mysticstarlightduck @dyrewrites @sarandipitywrites @oliolioxenfreewrites @xenascribbles

[stupidrant]

RANT INCOMING!

I have to talk abt this as this has been in my mind for months and this i think is the only safe space to talk abt the fandom and their weird antics towards the characters/actors and overall games.Im not against criticism but theres a line between criticizing and going overboard with hating.

One thing i dont understand abt the god of war fandom is that they complain about alot of things not being “accurate” and thats doesnt make sense to me bc when has gow ever been accurate? I thought it was obvious from the beginning that SMS wasnt going for that and never truly will. Its always their own interpretation. They also have this weird hatred / ignorance towards atreus that i also dont understand? Yea he was a little annoying in the first game but thats understandable as hes… a kid. Ragnarok expanded his character pretty well imo and i feel like alot of these people for some reason cannot get past him in general? Maybe because they are afraid of him taking over the series and “forgetting” kratos (idk why thats in their minds LOL) or they just hate him just because. I feel like the fandom wants kratos to forever be this god who destroys things and whatnot and its all so weird. like they never gave him a chance. thankfully he has fans but majority hates him. Dont even get me started on how they treat angrboda. Its really so ridiculous to me that they can be so hateful for no true reason. they call her a bitch for yelling at atreus when all the women in the game get annoyed or disappointed in him atleast once. And they dont understand that she has only known this prophecy shit for her whole life and she couldnt do anything outside bc of the threat. ofc shes angry bro LOLL its also in her name like i dont understand 😭.  Atreus helps her get out of that mindset and assures her she can do whatever she wants now. Laya is so strong idk how she does it :( I also noticed they treat thrud as this “replacement” of angrboda bc they dont like her either cuz shes black or bc they hate her and everything related to atreus but as long as he has a character they can like thats not angrboda its fine. Its all so weird bc theres no competition between the two. There never was. I dont think they actually like thrud for her character they just want to be weirdos and i feel kinda bad for her and mina bc they really dont give a fuck. Im so shocked chris sunny and others even INTERACT with this bullshit of a fandom they are all really strong bc id say fuck all of you and go 😭 im not against criticism at all and i try not to take this shit seriously but its hard when you see a insane group of people take alot of this shit to the next level. this fandom is a bunch of whiny babies who hold onto their precious destroyer too much. The hate everyone has gotten recently is just so stupid and they often times try to make it their goal to hate. I see that SMS is trying to diverge their fandom to a broader audience and they are taking a bit more risks esp with atreus and i love that despite the backlash against him, they continued with his character regardless. I hope they do the same thing with the other characters as well and expand them no matter how much these people want to hate and act all high and mighty. I can understand certain critiques like the ending being too fast or maybe they couldve done blah blah better and whatnot but i think alot of people are overreacting and being ridiculously nitpicky with alot of things when it comes to ragnarok. 

Last thing and also kinda random thing SMS is very wrong for what they did to TC Carson and i acknowledge that completely and i hope they never do smth like that to any of the current cast either bc i would be fucking pissed if so LOL

[rdiowx]

FRANKENSTEIN FRANK— 2

Frankensteins monster!Frank x Mad scientist!Reader

A story in which the way brothers come over and Gerard meets frank

Funny story I completely forgot the Great Depression was happening during this time and i only realized it while watching ‘into the spider-verse’

Teaching Frank how to do or say things was all you did now—not that you were doing much of anything before— but he was becoming more stable as a person. You would say you did a pretty great job well, you would say your are doing a pretty great job. He can walk in a kind of straight line now and he helps around the house, his body isnt completely functional though, he doesnt have to eat or anything but for some reason his hair grows. His hair is still the same, bleached sides and his faux hawk but the sides have grown out a bit. He gets along with Mikey which is great and tonight mikey’s bringing over his older brother Gerard. You both haven’t told him about Frank, the only people that know about Frank is yourselves and well, Frank.

Franks memory is kind of bad but yours would be too if you were put together by two weirdos in one of their basements. You were pulled out of your thoughts by a knock on your door, you went to answer it forgetting about your book in the process. Frank looked toward you in confusion before getting up to follow you. Opening the door you were met with the one and only way brothers, frank smiled at the sight of Mikey only for it to drop when he saw a new person beside him. “Hey guys, you can come in.” You welcomed them in only for frank to stare at you like you had two heads, you would too if someone you’d never met before was welcomed into your house. “Thanks for inviting us over, well Mikey comes over every day but I don’t.” Gerard started, before waving slightly at Frank. “Oh yea. Gerard thats Frank he’s my um roommate? Frank thats Mikeys brother Gerard.” You conversed, heading into the kitchen.

Frank gave Gerard a weird look before following you into the kitchen. “He doesn’t like new people dont take it to heart.” Mikey said, putting his hand on Gerards shoulder and leaving to the kitchen. Gerard nodded in response, taking his shoes off before following his brother. Frank was oddly quiet so you asked him what was wrong, only to get a shrug in response. “Do you not like Gerard?” You questioned, looking up from your cutting board. “I dont know him.” He answered. You nodded in understanding before resuming your activity. You both dropped the subject as the way brothers entered the room, Mikey was the first one to start talking. “Hey Frank hows living here? Lord knows i never could.” You glared at him over your shoulder as a response. “I like it here, they’re nice..company.” Frank hesitated to make sure he got the word right.

“Uh huh im sure they are.” Mikey teased before looking over at you. “What is that supposed to mean? You dont think im good company?” You queried, putting your knife down before turning around to look at him. You and Mikey continued to bicker like you were siblings instead of him and Gerard. Speaking of Gerard, he tried to make small talk with frank. “So um, how did you meet Them and Mikey?” Gerard asked, before moving to take a drink of his water. “They made me in The lab downstairs.” Frank answered seriously. Gerards eyes widened before he spat out his drink in shock causing frank to jump and you and Mikey paused your bickering. “What? What happened?” You asked turning to faced them.

“You made this guy?!” Gerard yelled, clearly stunned. Thats right, you hadn’t talked to frank about what to say if someone asked where he came from or how he met you. “Shit.” Mikey mumbled making his way towards his brother and resting his hands on his shoulders. “Listen man, you cant tell ANYONE about this.” Mikey stated, making Gerard promise he wouldnt tell anyone about this. While this was going on you lead frank out of the kitchen to your shared bedroom. “Frank you cannot tell people you were made in a lab! Who knows what would happen if it go out to someone who wasnt Gerard! I mean i could get in serious trouble!” You rambled, pacing around the room. Frank looked towards his shoes the whole time, not having the chance to mumble out an apology.

You stopped after you saw the look in his eyes as you yelled at him. You move to sit down on the bed next to him, knees touching as you look at him. “Im sorry, I just dont know what would happen if it got out, i dont want you to be hurt.” You held out your hand on his thigh palm up for him to grab, which he did. “Its okay.” Frank squeezes your hand before moving to wipe his face only for one of his staples to get stuck on one of his stitches. You laugh at the predicament before yelling for Mikey to get your scissors and needle and thread out of the lab drawers downstairs.

Doesn’t take long for you to hear two pairs of footsteps coming towards your room while you hold Franks arm in place so he doesn’t rip anything trying to get unstuck. You thank Mikey before snipping the thread and letting frank move his arm while you restitch his face. “Doesn’t that hurt?” Gerard asks nervously. You laugh as you let frank answer his question. “I dont have any pain receptors..” Frank informs before attempting to watch you restitch below his eye. “I think thats pretty useful considering your made of staples and thread.” Gerard inspects him, looking him up and down.

“Alright im done.” You say, pressing a kiss to the new stitches before letting everyone know you were gonna finish dinner. The guys talked amongst themselves, Gerard asking questions the whole time that sometimes Mikey had to answer if frank didnt know how to say a word or two. Soon enough dinner was done and you guys were talking about random stuff that had happen recently. You like to think that Frank and Gerard were warming up to each other considering frank would actually look him in the eyes now.

“Its kind of crazy that all these years you were working on a functioning person, though it doesn’t surprise me they do call you a mad scientist.” Gerard made small talk and you had to stop frank from talking with food in his mouth. “Well you know me, i try my best to live up to my name.” You rolled your eyes before continuing to eat your food. After everyone finished eating gerard asked to see your lab which you agreed to, frank got excited cause it’s easily one of his favorite places in the house.

“So this is where crazy spends all their time?” Gerard asked, throwing you a teasing smile. “Oh yea, this is the place.” Mikey butted in, not letting you get a word in which earned a slap to the back of his head by you. Frank went to mess with stuff on your desk again, it wouldnt matter how many times you told him not to he would still do it. At least he went for a snow globe and not a sharp tool this time. “Im not even crazy that’s just a —Frank don’t drop that—that’s just a scary tale parents tell their kids to get them to go to sleep.” You and mikey were arguing again, you’d think after being friends for so long you’d be able to get along but that’s just another myth.

“Hey Mikey, we gotta go home its getting dark.” Gerard informed after a while reaching for his jacket he set on your chair. They both bid their goodbyes before making their way up the steps, putting their shoes on and leaving out the door. You followed to lock the door behind them frank trailing along, snow globe still in hand. Frank tells them goodbye and they wave. After a while of reading, finally finishing the book while frank listens to you read, you and Frank get ready for bed.

In the bathroom where you’re both brushing your teeth frank strikes up a conversation, toothpaste still in mouth. “That book was so weird by the way, felt unfinished.” Frank spoke, slightly garbled from the toothpaste. “Thats because you heard it from the last 30 pages Frank.”You smiled. He had a look of understanding before mumbling an “Oh.” And telling you that you should read him a different book instead. You told him maybe tomorrow and he nodded, walking you out of the bathroom and turning off the light. Having already gotten into pajamas you both got comfortable under the covers, Frank talking about anything and everything until his brain finally shut down for the night. It didnt take long for you to fall asleep after he did and you slipped into a dreamless slumber.

[violentviolette]

Do you have any tips on comforting people, or something along those lines? I have noticed a significant tendency of people to infodump on me, and then start upping the pity-seeking ante when I don't hem and haw. It's super annoying, and I'm curious if you've experienced the same.

i used to get that a lot, but i dont as much anymore because i make it clear im not going to respond to those kinds of things especially from people i dont know well i personally dont care about looking like a dick, so i'll hit people with an "aw man that sucks ass" and call it a day if we're not close and if they continue or press on i will just stop responding and move on. if they become especially insistent or rude i'll hit them with a "yea man idk what to tell u that sucks"

if its someone who i do know well or who i do care about tho, then i'll put in more effort and if it seems like what im doing or how im responding isn't helping, i'll ask what it is they need or are looking for more specifically. things like "do u want some words of comfort and reassurance or do u want some help/support in looking for solutions?" or "is there something that would help make u feel better in this moment that i can do?" a lot of times that last one helps a lot cause people will either have something in mind and then feel comfortable asking since uve offered, or it'll help them realize they dont and just needed someone to listen while they talked, which then takes the pressure off u to respond differently but mostly i find that ppl are usually looking for reassurance and comradiere so i start out with that. things like reassuring them they arent being ridiculous for being upset and that their feelings are important and they deserve to feel heard. phrases like "no ur so valid i would be so mad/upset/hurt if someone did that to me too" or "thats really unfair and such bullshit of them" "there are so many better ways they could have handled that" "u deserve respect and consideration and they just walked all over ur feelings" for more general words of comfort i usually go for things like "thats miserable im giving u so much soup" "i am mentally wrapping u a warm blanket" "u deserve so many little treats for dealing with that bullshit" and other kinds of things like that

obviously its best to engage thoughtfully with what theyre saying and be specific if its someone u care about, so those are more generic/generalized examples and its better to be more specific to their exact situation but thats the general vibe

but i think the most important thing is realizing u dont have to do that and its okay to say so. not everyone is good at everything and not all friends are for venting to. i usually use the example of a soda fountain. if ur looking for sprite, u dont push the coke tab and then get mad when u dont get what u want. and so similarly, if ppl are looking for something specific, they should go to the friend who is best at providing that. i'm the kind of person who'se more solution oriented and less good at demonstrative sympathy. if u want someone to go "oh u poor baby come here let me hug u and tell u its gonna be alright and ur so brave and strong" a dozen times in a row then u should go to someone else. but if u want help finding solutions and working ur way out of a problem or figuring out how best to stand up for urself, then im a great person to come to and i'll be happy to help u talk it out and find words to express ur feelings to others.

because its okay to say "i cant provide what ur looking for, so u'll have more success looking to someone else for this" and any genuinely well meaning person will understand that. because ur not being mean, ur being honest and letting them know what u can and cant provide so that they can get the best results theyre looking for

and if they get mad at u for that then frankly, theyre a dick and its not worth putting in the effort to cater to them. u arent responsible for other peoples feelings that have nothing to do with u and it's not ur job to provide emotional support on demand and to their satisfaction with zero reguard for ur own personal needs and limitations

[halfusek]

Imma be honest with you, before BATDR came out, you literally held this fandom together with bandaids and stick glue. 2019-2022 was basically the dry age of Bendy content

haha thanks i tried my best

i Do enjoy being in a fandom, i've always looked up to the danny phantom phandom a lot cause the vibes there are just fantastic, there's a lot of things going on, people have many interactions with each other, so i wanted to try to introduce that to the batim fandom and i'd like to think that i sorta did

i know that it is a popular opinion to not engage with a large portion of the fandom but instead just grab a few friends and sit in a corner with them but like

engaging with a bigger portion of the fandom every now and then can be SO fun and give people an opportunity to meet other people and idk

fandoms are communities of people just united by liking A Thing so it can be challenging to make a space for many people to get along but i dont recall any super serious only fandom related dramas in batim?? weirdos are in every fandom and you just blast their asses into oblivion with a block button

and there have been cases when i felt kinda bad for blocking someone because that meant i'd exclude them from something i wanted to think of as a fandom-wide event for everyone who would obey it's rules but that's where this outlook on curating your experience into a smaller circle is very much the way to go lol

wait what am i talking about

aha yea 2019-2022 everything fucking DIED here but i was having a blast drawing my comic and also a lot of people who were into the sides of batim i was into mainly (the human characters) stayed around more than everyone else and it was really chill, i've met a lot of people and made many friendships :)

as the fandom was getting smaller there was a noticable drop in the amount of notes batim related posts were getting which is a very big symptom of a fandom dying but i think at some point it sorta stabilized who stayed there after batdr was delayed and delayed

i reblog and tag more than an usual tumblr user (when im active cuz sometimes i can not reblog anything for months because im busy lol) and that didnt start without a reason, it sure is a habit now and i really enjoy doing it, letting people know what i think about their stuff and putting nice things on display for others to see

reblogs are not just crucial for singular artists but also for fandoms as a whole, thats how you keep that train rollin

though here is a sad thing that many many artists dont reblog a lot, or reblog to their sideblogs that arent followed by nearly as many people as their main blogs

and thats like understandable, im the weirdo who puts a whole mess of many posts on my main but i think thats also the most effective way to help other people get traction and i never see this mentioned when people complain that tumblr users dont reblog as much stuff as they like

its even kinda funny to me when people complain about their stuff not getting reblogged when they dont reblog others stuff themselves at all xD though there is a bit of cyanide in that thought heheh

on the other hand reblogging doesnt work on stuff that i could see from other people: the stuff i reblog i get from browsing the bendy and the ink machine tag sorted by new + sometimes when i bored i scroll through my dash and reblog some random things but i follow 2k people so i dont really see any individuals art specifically, just a collection of random posts that i am able to scroll through in a few minutes (and every minute theres a bunch of new posts posted/reblogged by those i follow)

and that can take a long time! if ive been busy for months then scrolling through a few months worth of stuff people around the world made for bendy is so bad even on a beefy computer that it just pushes tumblr to its limits and takes HOURS to reblog and tag for me, and then i might even hit the daily post limit and have to continue tomorrow

but i enjoy doing this, bendy is my fixation after all and i fucking love art and what people can create for this thing that i like i soooooo desire to see it all

and i try to reblog as much as possible, though i dont obviously reblog *everything* from the tag, sometimes i just give a like or i just dont like the thing cuz its not in my liking and thats it

but i did make it a thing that during ink demonth i reblog all entries for the event no matter what my opinion of them is just to give some of that Exposure TM because hey maybe some of my followers Will like it

i dont run a super duper popular blog but there is a bunch of yall there and i think me reblogging something in this fandom at least may give a litol boost to the notes on a post

and its always fun to see peoples reactions that dont expect me to reblog from them but then i do and they freak out a little, i think i love it on the same level as getting comments on my own art :) its super wholesome

man by writing this post im procrastinating on something but fdnjkfdfd

but anyway thank you!! and im glad you think so because i did try to accomplish that :D

[visionthefox]

Hello! Uhh- I wanted to ask for your opinion about smt because I love reading your opinions! Its really amusing reading them!

Well, the thing I want your opinion on is the dream theory in sams! With the name explaining what it is, basically a theory where everything in sams is a dream! Im gonna just write some reasons I know why people think this-

First of all,

as you and many said, nothing in sams really makes sense anymore. Before, the storyline was simple and everything, you could understand it but now.. Its REALLY confusing. And we know, in dreams almost NOTHING makes sense so it would be understandable why its a dream.

Second of all,

Goldie says that the North Star is akin to a Dream Stone. Meaning that it should be able to manipulate and change a person's dreams. Through dreams you could theoretically manipulate a person's subconscious. You can compare it to the Mind Stone from Marvel. It could be used to do a full dive into another person's mind and get a batter picture of how they tic. If taken to the ultimate conclusion, the Dream Stone would be able to change a person's mind and outlook.

Those are all I know for now- I'll update you if I find out more!

Anyways, buh byee!

~♦️

oh? really? ahw - geez ahw! well im glad im entretaining to read ! <3 I love you guys comment and ask <3 everyone of you! every single thing you say! matters a lot <3 now lets see! "Goldie says that the North Star is akin to a Dream Stone." really? well, mmh even in old lore, Golden did mentioned many magic objects. as a joke mostly but.. yea.. mh mmh well, ok, if we take this theory we can maybe make sense of it. we know these are AI- ROBOTS - no actual brain, but also.. magic can manipulate metal and robots, part of me thinks Golden is not a robot but a half robot-half organic creature.. ergo why he can make kids, get married and be powerfull..

now now.. mh , with all there magic nonesense, and traveling. Im guessing, these arent robots anymore, and they dont even know it yet.. maybe they develop more organic parts, as they kept messing around time - space and magic, and they just didnt notice- becuase the only organic thing is their mind,.. and organic is even too much.. maybe magic just gaved them a extra power to think, feel and act more human than before, reason why sudedently magic affects them

also, as you say! dreams dont make sense - but there is many types of dreams, one where you just go in many funky places, or more "grounded dreams" like say, buying a thing and getting stressed out you must pay too much, and you wake up and you think "I didnt even needed that thing!" so like, for me, there must be a point that, maybe Sun and Moon - even Monty, why not? got into a deep sleep, so deep they dont know it yet.. there's why nothing makes sense - because they are streaming their dreams... they are streaming their dreams, and they dont know it.. the editor, is the only one who knows, and maybe find it hilarous ! so they keep the show running.. this is meta.. oh god..

[kuroimarzipan]

To return the ask I was unable to answer for you: I'd love to hear your Kingmaker thoughts! Or Wrath, if you'd prefer.

HELP I MISCLICKED BEFORE I WROTE ANYTHING AND HAD TO EDIT THE POST LMFAO anyway im gonna answer for kingmaker only tonight cause i gotta go to bed and i spent too long writing shit out but i might reblog this and add answers for wotr on after work tomorrow lol

Favorite Male Character okay so i could be normal about this. i could. or i could let everyone here know that i mentally put together multiple AUs where esteem got together with dragn after witnessing like three lines of dialogue. yea the smith guy. the one without a portrait even.

BUT if i had to be more normal about it then its gotta be ekun. i just want that guy to be happy and i really enjoy how weirdly well he gets along with esteem. also he's like. the most ruthless good character ive seen in a while which i really find interesting. makes a great minister too. he just has this reassuring presence in your party like hes got your back you dont have to worry. also: dogy :^)

Favorite Female Character

okay so i went into this game assuming kanerah would be my fave and i was like. ready to finally not have to headcanon a romance and shit. and then this bitch named valerie came along. and oh my god she's such a piece of work. so principled. so hypocritical. so abrasive and easy to rile up. she's loyal because she's decided to be loyal. she turns on you for wanting to kill a guy early in act 2 and then turns BACK on him because he hits on her. she doesnt even realise shes gay. ever since she killed fredero because esteem pushed her to do it ive been thinking about it. ive not read the dialogue for her canon straight romance or whatever because honestly i dont care whatever the fuck im doing to her in my head is way more interesting to me. ive done all the stuff for her hellknight ending and im very excited heehee.

Least Favorite Character

kingmaker is interesting in that i had a really poor first impression of a LOT of the companions, but after having gotten to know them, i... honestly dont rlly hate any of them?? there's still a few companions that end up benchwarming for me bc i just like others more, but its really not been like wotr where the party lineup was so polarising for me lmao

WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED JHOD. fuck that guy. i dont even have a particular actually good reason either. i just think his vibes are rancid

Favorite Ship

specifically that moment when hegend drew his weapon and went to attack valerie and the moment combat initiated esteem hit him with the chains of light which was followed by a maximised empowered magma blast from kanerah which one shot him. that felt good

aside from that i kinda wanna see amiri and nilak reconcile at some point??

Favorite Friendship

i like that ekun the complete and utter loner was the person that taught esteem how to actually have friends instead of just manipulating people into appreciating her. i like to think he figured that out by the time his last quest rolled around. they have this kinda silent trust.

Favorite Quote

this was such a good moment to me specifically because of the circumstances of esteem having been chased out of its home because of what it is and then having tartuk tell it that it would never understand?? it was COLD AS ICE telling him that before dealing the killing blow and taking his crown. defining moments tbh

Worst Character Death (if any)

i have a feeling this is yet to come for me 🙃

This made me so happy you have no idea Moment

maybe its silly but thee loyalty these two have hehehe

Saddest Moment

TBH another thing i think is yet to come for me.... i know that last act is gonna hit hard

Favorite Location

the swamp witch's hut... i actually really love the old beldame and all the lil storylines going on in that map so so much it rlly helped me solidify a bunch of important things abt esteem's backstory too lol

[tonberry-yoda]

it is midnight and that means its saturday so i am here for my matchup 🤭 in all honesty i have been wanting to request one from u for so long bc i love the way u write your matchups loll, but ANYWAYS! could i pls get a haikyuu matchup? i go by she/her, im straight nd i’d like a romantic matchup 🫡 so im like 5’2 i think, dyed black hair (goes a bit past my shoulders and my natural color is brown), brown eyes, and i have a lot of freckles on my face. i have my septum and both sides of my nose pierced along with a few ear piercings.im an ambivert so how i act definitely depends on the environment im in but with the right people im very outgoing (very chatty lol). but my social battery also gets drained v fast so after big social gatherings i need some time to recover (usually recovering = taking a long nap). i get really snappy if i my social battery is drained so the whole recovery thing is v important lmao. i am also a very sleepy person, my friends like to joke that im chronically tired lmfao, i take naps almost every day and if im in a car, sitting down in class or doing something like that i probably will fall asleep. i cannot control it T_T i also trip, run into things, drop things, etc. all the time. my house could be dead silent and then out of nowhere u just hear a crash and “what the fuck” yea thats me sorry 🤫🤫 i also like to tease ppl a lot, not in a flirty way more like in a provoking way (i cant flirt i have 0 rizz). moving on!! some things i look for in a relationship r someone who can be patient with me and dont mind reassuring (if they do it without me asking its 100x better). i love when show theyre thinking abt me through little things like “oh i was at the store and i saw your fav candy so i picked it up” or “i saw your favorite flowers on my walk home and thought of you” id cry. also someone who isnt afraid to show they care (not in a sense of like pda but moreso they arent too prideful to do dumb stuff like dance with u at 2 am in the kitchen). anyways my type! they dont have to be like 7ft tall but maybe 5’9 or 5’10 +. i like funny guys but not funny at the expense of others. i also really like guys that are able to actually respect me as a person. i pride myself on being really smart and mature (when i need to be lol) and i genuinely would not be able to stand someone that saw me as any less than that. OK MOVING ON! hobbies/ interests! i love music. so much. music is my creative outlet and how i express myself. i annotate song lyrics. i connect with music through personal experience its just so so important to me. i am learning how to play the electric guitar so i can connect with it even more. my favorite artists rn are the 1975, mitski, ptv and sleeping with sirens:p although im always open to expanding my music taste!! i also like to play some video games(obsessed with animal crossing lately lol). aand my love language is words of affirmation. sorry if this is really long T_T and if you dont get to this no biggy but if you do tsym!<3

WHEN I TELL YOU THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD THIS MORNING LMFAOOOOO. and that little note at the beginning is so sweet! i am so glad i am able to do a matchup for you anon!! okay, so i have a perfect little dude for you, but it may be random so bear with me. i love this man, so i hope you do too!

the character I chose for you is...

KEISHIN UKAI!!!

OKAY

HEAR ME OUT!

ukai is flippin hot

i would love to be in your shoes

(he's my fav haikyuu character besides tanaka, so you're lucky frrr)

he would love your piercings

he's a piercing fella himself (he's what made me want to get my second ear piercings lmfaoooo)

like he thinks it's high key hot

he's also an ambrivert, so both of your personalities match up really well

he is totally understanding of your drained social battery (plus, he gets the same way) so he'll just let you nap while he works or leave you alone if needed

WILL 100% TAKE NAPS WITH YOU

like will hold you in his arms and nap a whole day away when he gets the day off

you will always knock over things in his shop and he'll just laugh or wait for you to pick it up while dead staring at you lmfaoooo

he'll definitely know if you walk in when he hears a whole ass display get knocked over

he thinks it's cute when you tease him even if you say it isnt about flirting, his dumbass thinks it is which is fine by you so you can tease him more often

the real reason i picked this guy is because of what you said about him bringing you things that made him think of you

like this man will roll up with a chocolate bar and shove it in your hand with a pile of chips shoved in his mouth and say "I thought of you today at the store and grabbed this"

he doesnt see it as much, but you are over the moon about it

when he finds out about how much you love it, he will keep doing it

he is very patient and caring for you and literally only has eyes for you

he also always gets you to laugh, which always makes his day

please play music for him

he will have heart shaped eyes if you do

he will 100% play videogames with you, but you have to teach him how to play half of the time lmfaoooo

he will always tell you how much he loves you and how pretty and amazing you are frfr

if you go to any of his practices or games when he is coaching, he will brag about you

(i am so sorry this took so long i forgot it was in my drafts. i hope you love it nonetheless though!!!)

~~~~~

matchup rules --- pinned post

@tonberry-yoda

[lorisystem]

I feel so so miserable and dysphoric in this society ngl. I feel like i need- not even want but need to be in a place thats accepting of me and that makes me feel loved and welcome or at least. Tolerated or something and that i cant get that. I know its my problem bc so many people somehow live being themselves and taking criticism etc. But i just cant deal with unsolicited comments or aggression etc i just cant. Bear to think that people in society might perceive me to be weird. I feel like people cant be normal around the weird and weak, they just turn hostile and try to subjugate us or at best they become patronizing.

I feel like i dont belong to any community at all not even people like me theres always this or that trait that keeps me from belonging fully and no matter what i always feel like im an impostor pretending to be normal.

I know this is my own issue and im too sensitive to what i think people think of me and how they react to me etc and i shouldnt care but i cant help caring it was literally taught to me the hard way. Everytime people have wanted me so much to care about what they think always its so hard to unlearn.

Im at this point in this reaction of flight cycle where instead of trying to figure out how i could possibly find an accepting community im trying to figure out how to not be dependent on society anymore. My fantasies are turning to like going to live somewhere alone and subsisting by my own mean even if it means sacrificing things like comfort or some dignity i would aggressively protect being alone so nobody can come near me and perceive me or anything.

Obviously thats not realistic etc so. But im still thinking i cant help trying to figure how i could do that.

I just feel like i cant compromise- i cant be happy in this situation at all.

So im thinking the other way out is to die- which obviously is a thing i cant do bc some people depend on me and like. Its so so sad to die even though theres still technically hope of getting better. And its not fair. But im getting these urges and its like not even on a conscious level bc ive been suppressing suicidal urges but i have these parasite thoughts idk to do it in a way that makes it everyones problem bc i resent this society (and no individual in particular) so much and i want everyone to know that they failed and they were trash and they hurt me etc. But i cant pinpoint any specific people that i really resent. When it comes down to people who actually hurt me i think they just wouldnt understand (or sometimes care). No matter what i cant make anyone understand me or what i go through and the pain isnt going away.

And i know this is not a good way to feel or to think bc its very selfish and its nobodys fault in particular. And i have this toxic trait of when i feel bad i think its fair that everybody else feels bad too- which is bad and also i hate having this trait cause this is just what my dad does!! So im repressing thoughts like these and i dont talk about this to people around me bc the last thing i want is to actually harm someone especially if i care about them.

But yea i feel like i dont connect to anyone really. I connect to my spouse but i think its only bc we spent so much time together we attuned to each other but still. He is a person n i guess i need unconditional acceptance and love of my whole being- literally everything i do or say and i know its dumb and i shouldnt want it etc

Rationalizing doesnt make it go away though.

This spiraling was literally caused by a call from my landlord's girlfriend bc shes asking me to fill somth that doesnt matter and i shouldnt have to fill it and she was so rude bc i didnt receive her stupid email. As if its my fault?! N like. This is way more interaction ive had with this landlord than i care to have for my entire life. With these neighbors. I hate it here i hate it here!!!!!!! Theres always drama in this building!!!! I want to be left out of it!!!!!!

I feel like my life is just a nightmare that im trapped in. I have to pretend to be a human person all the time and i have to rely on my imaginary world and comfort interests to escape it all the time but when i think about it this is the only thing that makes me feel safe and accepted.

Idk why im struggling so much just feeling human and living with other people. I dont think anything ive been through is enough to justify this level of dysphoria and distress. I didnt ask for this. I just want to be left alone and live my life but that is too much to ask.

Sorry for the rant. Ill be ok though!!!!!!! Idk if anyone else feels like this but when it comes to DID i feel like for me its all about feeling unimaginable amounts of pain and still being able to function and be ok bc everything is kept compartmentalized. So in the end ill be ok n functional but ill hate it the entire time.

Anyway bye.

- ???

[surveysonfleek]

1664.

When was the last time you did clay work/pottery? literally 2020, i ordered a clay kit during lockdown and made this weird pen holder lol

Do you like art, hate it or just not mind it? i thoroughly enjoy it. im a sucker for an art gallery. i dont understand ‘all’ art but its still fun to check out

If you had to choose would you prefer dull pain for 12hours or sharp for 2? dull pain

Koala or Kangaroo? koalas are way cuter

Do you know the words to the national anthem of your country? yes

Is your country ruled by a president, prime minister, queen or other? pm

Does blue occur in your national flag? yes

Talking of flags. Do you like football/soccer? If yes, do you play and what position? no... hot take but i think soccer is so boring to watch

Would you rather be a Model, Famous Scientist, Singer or Chef? singer

Would you rather be a pilot, crime scene investigator or estate agent? pilot i think!

Does making others happy really make you feel happy? yes! it certainly makes me feel good, thats for sure

What colour literally doesn’t appear in your wardrobe at all? i think i should at least own one of each colour in my closet bit i guess i rarely wear yellow

Do you actually read the answers others give to your surveys? i dont make surveys

Did you ever swear at a teacher in school? Why? nah

Have you ever pricked your finger on Holly or another ‘sharp’ plant? yea, probably 

Speaking of Holly, do you adore Christmas or does it bug you? i enjoy xmas but i really hate consumerism and the tradition my family and my partner’s family has with giving semi expensive gifts. i feel pressure to have to give them something back just as expensive ugh

Have you ever wrote your own short story? What about a novel? Or perhaps you started and couldn’t finish? only for school

Do you prefer SciFi/Fantasy/Action/Horror or Rom/Com/RealLife? i have a really short attention span so its been awhile since ive sat down and watched a ‘serious’ movie. the most recent movie i watched was a romcom

What do you have a lot of faith in [note: can be anything]? idk sadly

Think of a material thing you want. Name it here (material, made or bought). Would $100/60 be enough for this item? How about $1000/600? i want a new iphone. i think they go for like $1500ish

Would you rather have a big house, a lot of kids or a high flying job? high flying job as long as im happy with it

Have you ever been to a creepy/haunted/abandoned place? What did it look like and what were the circumstances? no, im too much for a scaredy cat to do that What’s your favourite dip? french onion

Chocolate Cookies or Fudge Brownies? brownies

I give you a little baby puppy. What do you name him? oh man, idk. id be spending a lot of time thinking of a name

Is crime a big problem in your area? not really tbh

What’s your town/city most well known for? white people lmao Do you know a Jack? What’s he like? How about a Lisa? What’s she like? i dont know any jacks personally. or lisas haha.

Are most your friends older, younger or the same age as you? theyre all around the same age

Do you subconsciously hang out with those with the same star sign as you or as each other, perhaps due to certain personality traits? haha no

Name 5 objects that you don’t have but would like right now? a new phone, new clothes, a handbag, a new car and more candles. i basically just need an upgrade of everything i currently have

When you have children, would you like twins? my partner wants twins sooooo badly. id be happy to have them but defs fine with one baby too hah Do you know any twins? If so, what are they called? i work with a twin, idk her brother’s name

If you were given the choice to choose your child’s gender, would you? id choose a girl first

What instrument would you love to learn how to play? piano properly

Does the sound of knocking/tapping startle you? yes

What’s the scariest story/urban legend/creepypasta etc you heard? haha i really cant think of any from the top of my head

Do you miss someone currently? yasss

When was the last time you were in hospital? What for? i forgot! which is a good thing

When was the last time you went to the dentist? last year

Do you get along well with your family doctor/your doctor? pretty well. which reminds me, i need to grab a script soon

What personality trait does nearly everyone in your family seem to have? i think were all pretty good listeners

[bokipop]

really positive blackstar rant because im having an autism moment and i love soul eater

ok so first of all i hate people who dont like him. get the fuck OUT OF HERE!!!! he is literally who i aspire to be yea he's a little stupid but he's confident in himself and his ability and he's determined to do what he sets his mind to. his character is so interesting because he's portrayed as this big loud dumbass but he's literally the only kid his age im pretty sure to use his soul wavelength to attack like he does. he's like 13-14 btw. ALSO HE CARES SO MUCH ABOUT HIS FRIENDS???? he literally would kill for any single one of them without hesitation. you saw how he went after arachnophobia when giriko and arachne hurt maka. she wasn't even seriously injured she was just immobilized. i also want to take a moment to mention how after the training thing where he and maka get into a fight and then they pass their exam thing, maka asks blackstar to hit her. blackstar has shown that he cares deeply for his friends and doesn't want them hurt. he also understand his own strength and what he could do to maka if he tried, and yet still doesn't hold back on his punch. he didn't use his soul wavelength but he sure didn't pull his punch. he understands that maka needs this, she needs for him to hurt her the way she hurt him. for things to be even, in a sense. this is because maka also cares deeply for her friends but that's part of an entire rant about maka that may or may not come immediately after this i haven't decided yet. AND BLACKSTAR IS SO INCREDIBLY CAPABLE OF GREAT THINGS! going back to s1 when we see him and tsubaki going to the village to fight masamune, (just realized this is going to tie into blackstar caring about his friends) he demonstrates a certain maturity about the situation, he understands why the villagers hate him and doesn't do any serious harm to them, he shows a lot of restraint. lord death himself canonically says he didn't think it was possible for blackstar to act this way. more on that scene- and this is the part that's gonna tie into blackstar caring about his friends- he tells tsubaki he doesn't need to know about her situation. he's just going to do his best to help. and he does, when tsubaki goes into the mind of the enchanted sword, he sits there and waits. when one of the villagers notices tsubaki and goes to hit her, that is the only time blackstar actually shows malice towards the villagers. he makes it clear they can beat on him all they want, but tsubaki is not to be disturbed. when tsubaki vanishes into the sword, he essentially panics. you can hear it in his voice and you can see it in his actions. he desperately shouts for an encore because he cannot bear to see her leave. anyways thats my wall of text about the one and only blackstar i hope you enjoy and also any thoughts or additions are appreciated i love talking about this stuff

[themindelectricdemo4]

i think to myself lke. back lke 2 year ago, im like...my friendship with my friends was so good, what happened?

really, i let myself go. i got a lot of disappointment in my regular life (couldnt get disability, more illnesses, treatment failing, family dying) i found that gong to college has helped me so much. because its like...setting a life for myself. getting a routine. having something to wake up for.

when all i wanted to wake up was for my friends, they were the brunt of everything, especially my moodiness that was becoming more & more unstable. i keep wanting to apologize but i hope i can form better wording in my head that articulates what i want to say the most (firstly that it doesnt justify my actions, and secondly, that im not crawling back to rekindle) im kind of stuck with overthnking it, so honestly.......it could be a world where i never directly apologize because i fear what my words sound like

i havent changed in that aspect in that i miss the connotation of my words often...maybe i could show it to my partner for proof reading, but i wouldnt want to involve a lot of people or anything ive accepted this is my human flaw & i continue to try & wrap my head around implications but it doesnt work. i do feel dumb ..oh well what can i do. i try to ask people to ask for clarification if they think something i said was weird (because if my intentions were mean ...i would want to make sure you knew for sure ...LOL.) but if they dont.. dont know what to do. but ive find in college, my friends ask me, they respect that, they make me feel like a human being & not some dumb (insert a barrage of slurs i could call myselfhere). self inflicted words..because i wish i could just learn social shit like a normal person & i feel dumb for not being able to mask this, or be able to study it enough to even pretend like i understand

im happy with the way my life is going now... i went to college, met my partner irl, i havent thought about genuinely kmsing myself in a good while now, like i couldnt go a month or two without planning it in my head, but im...actually doing good? its crazy...even my psych said she was so proud of me today saying she couldve never imagined me how i am today just because of how bad i was. i dont take that as a negative btw cuz thats me past tense. im proud of it.!!! really like, after whatever the fuck happened in august '23 i was like, ok. no more of this shit.

& it worked? i got all As, im in college. holy shit. the several times i would blow up on my friendsin the past into HUGE fights? the most heated i got was exactly one time where i snapped after a long day of being spoken over (by this person that i didnt particularly want to hang out with, as agreed upon with my friend because even that person agreed we didnt have a lot in common) & that...was it??? like im shocked. all my rage . gone . whar. .. & my friends are like.......they ask me what im doing/feeling based on things i do cuz they think im mad (the rbf & monotone voice) & im like oh!! oh my gosh no, im good! im sorry for worrying u & they were like oh! dw just checking. cuz i curated the baddest bitches of autistics who just get it fr . me & my current bestie we just ask each other the most blunt questions to get clarity on situations & i love that 4 us ... hes supa nice. love all my fends . but wow idk im proud of myself & this turned into a ramble where im positive cuz i was acually gettng mad at myself sadge but yea. i do wanna apologize but im afraid of being misconstrued & my paranoia over this manifests into probably never doing it. i got lving with my mother probably to blame fo r that (dont get me started on the shit she pulled over winter break that everyone in my family agrees she is ridiculous for with physical proof ok im reeling

[christ-brought-me-through]

Judgmental

Since I've got nothing to lose, might as well be 1000% honest about all aspect of my life

Yea maybe I am judgmental 

What of it? 

Do I still come to you about my grievances?

My disdains with they type of person you are and how it contributed to the harm of that little girl you think still I am?

No 

I don’t tell you anything about yourself anymore

Because I know its useless

There’s no point in me being real with you because you always make it about it me

Bringing up mistakes from my past

How I’ve wronged you and your family

But will turn around and say I am apart of that family

As you grant them different graces when they’ve hurt you in ways I couldn’t 

Nah.

Im not apart of your family 

And I never will be

And thats ok

You can’t even get past the things I’ve said and “done” to you 

But I'm supposed to grant you that grace

Nah

Not goin down like that

I know for sure now

Like I’ve always known

That we just can’t talk

Whether it be for the rest of my life or not

Not sure

But I can’t talk to you right now

You will kill every ounce of joy I find in myself if I do

You can't fathom me being happy

Me not being miserable 

As much as you preach about how I shouldn't be hung up on the past it really seems like what you want me to do

To forever feel shitty about what I'VE done to YOU

How I’ve WRONGED YOU

I don't even care anymore

Yet how I feel about the things you and your family have done are always brought up

No matter the conversation

And I'm in the wrong

For knowing what I do and do not like

How I do and do not like being treated

Whatever 

I'm not going to apologize for that

Because you still judge me for the things “I let” happen to me, so you say

You throw in my face almost every time we speak that all has happened to me because I didn't want to hear what you “NEEDED” to tell me

I could never judge and blame someone I love for the evil someone else did to them

And you can’t even see how cruel that is

Whatever 

It's not my job to teach you 

I don't want the job

You're not about to make me constantly want to die

And that’s another thing too

You know I dont have anybody anymore, as I just told you her and I aren’t friends anymore

And this is what you felt was the thing to say to me

Whatever

I pray for true forgiveness and that it’ll come in this lifetime because the blaming of what happened to me is just going to make me further hate you

Further hate how you think

Further hate how you're so disgusted with the person I am

If you hate me so much stop talking to me

Stop forcing yourself to do things you don't want to do

I am not even asking for your counsel or help anymore

Raise the rest of your kids because I don't need you

I tell you I'm in the Bible, learning God

And yet you still think I'm moving on my own accord and answer to myself

I hate speaking and not being listened to and deliberately not being heard

Its so hard to love me? Don't 

I'm not asking you too

Never forcing anyone to do it again

YOU. DONT. HAVE. TOO

Why is that so hard for people to understand/grasp?

That I can indeed be ok without their love?

That I will succeed without their blessings and approval???

Is it because you couldn't do that without your parents’?

And everytime I mention them I'm the shitty person or I take things too far

So. Be. It. 

I'm tired of you misconstruding what I say on purpose

To fit the mold of me you have in your head and will never let go

Fine 

I'm done trying 

Done proving myself to you

Done disproving all the negative thoughts and feelings you have towards me

I'm done

Because you’re going to feel and think what you want anyway

And there’s obviously nothing I can do about it

I've tried my best

Was even vulnerable with you again as I vowed to never do so again after you were so cruel to me 

But I tried again because you’re my parent and I know that’s what God would want

Show me the real of what I should be doing and how I should be doing it God because I know this was to further make me alone

I don’t care anymore God

I understand I don’t need people and that I am too be alone during this period 

So I am ready for the assignment you are to give me

I'm listening

Because I'm not talking to anyone else to listen to them

You and I Lord

Tell me what you want me to do

Tell me how im supposed to not want to off myself when this is what I have “family” wise

Please tell me

Please give me a sign

Please help me through these times of people further pushing me down when they know I'm already down. 

I know now to not to let them know about my grievances and only take them to you

I. Get. That. Now. 

So what’s next 

I know its something

I feel it

Bad things happen right before a blessing comes

I know something great is to come from the pain I feel

I just know it

In your name I pray 

Amen

[thesugarhole]

56. Fairies [I] :

(i mean... surely not. its not framed in a way that makes you suspect it... but *i* suspected it, so it either says something about either the comic or myself) (the suspicions are feet, macro/giant, and stepping on/crushing all in one make of that what you will)

anyway

if annet created fairies because someone asked if they existed who knows what other ungodly supernatural aligned abominations were out there. have you ever seen a future scifi movie where instead of a killer alien it's a killer werewolf in its most classical definition?

i said it before ill say it again this future would be terrifying to live in once you actually stop and think about it

We noted that one of them had the degree of a Wizard and the other that of a Guide.

ladies, whatever guide with a capital G you think he is, he's not. he did TOUR guides. the rest of the words in that title are just as important.

and frankly he doesnt strike me as the type of guy who would actually be an entertaining tour guide other than letting the people loose in the dead zone and saying "dont walk away from me theres monsters in this place" like. i cant imagine he'd be the type to have a route and speeches ready. dunno. i could be pleasantly surprised. "if you have any questions HESITATE to ask" ass man

"LIBRARIANS?"

"Umm... okay those used to be real, I think. However, they're all extinct now."

YOU THINK?????? for all the future flaws id be pressed to believe they wouldnt make up some sort of e-librarian AI for e-books. it makes the joke not funny (sad) though so yea ok

WHY ARE THE FAIRIES SHE/HER-ING CAPTAIN IM SO FUCKING ANGRY

god it can be so painfully obvious when the rewrite stuff kicks in. even if it started with the fairies panels where captains like "i wonder what santas bringing" (incidentally youre breaking my heart only slightly by seperating the funny panels for serious rewrite stuff. i understand it needs to flow somewhat decently but it breaks the original joke flow. no way to please both crowds) the tonal whiplash from the previous browser wars to this is insane. romac truly is an exercise on how to create the best characters ever and then nerfing them endlessly or however the tag goes

Upon closer inspection, he smelled like... crime. It became clear to us that the Dead Zone had claimed possession of this villain, taken him under her wings.

ma'am youre being very ableist right now. hes not a criminal hes unconnectable. he cant fucking hear you.

yeeeees enter Aliens. with Aliens comes 117 another great character (likely equally nerfed to oblivion. into some sort of catgirl yandere. alas)

"Hush, my pretties," the Wizard accosted. "I will take a single acorn from your tree with me, and plant it at the right place and the right time ...And from it, a new forest of Dean shall grow and provide splendor to the touristy masses!" We rejoiced much at such proposition and asked what is to become of us. "You can live in my pocket till such time!" The Wizard assured us, opening a coat pocket.

.... rewrite complaints temporarily drawn out this was a cute exchange.