#i dont think ive said any terrible things here.

[meme-loving-stuck]

the hardest part about having an addictive personality is like. you KNOW you can try to discipline yourself or just keep facing the consequences of the bad thing until you finally steel yourself and say 'no. no more bad thing. because it makes me feel bad'

like you KNOW youre capable of doing it. everyone is. and youve done it... maybe once? twice?

but for you, that resolve to finally stop and recover is locked behind a door that everyone SWEARS has a key and you just need to discipline yourself to find it. but you have disciplined yourself and you have tried everything and your fucking door doesnt have a key. it just doesnt. so you can hardly remember a time when you got to just... say no. and unlock the door

and you know that at SOME rare points in your life you have had something so catastrophically bad happen related to the addiction (usually involving hospitalization or something equally serious) that you broke the fucking locked door down and finally stopped. so you know it CAN be open and you CAN see the other side of that door.

it's just way fucking harder when the key to yours doesnt exist.

[goethitee]

oooo i think im in trouble…….

[ranboolivesaysstuff]

IMPORTANT POST PLEASE READ

Im gonna be honest and open for a sec, and please do not take this as "oh I HATE my community or I dont like the people who watch me" but honestly as of late (and I did highlight this during the mcc bit), ive felt like I havent been able to really be in my own community simply because of the constant way that "discourse" is handled. Making vague posts and not really tackling issues in a good way, all that is going to do is just show people a big "THIS COMMUNITY BAD" sign and not actually help anything within the community, all its going to do is have the good and potentially good people leave or not join in the first place. The way that discourse is treated that ive seen has been the main reason why I have started to try to distance myself, which has been the most heartbreaking thing I have had to do. I want problems to be solved in a mature, civil way, with either a dm or a reply, not an entire vague thing that only says "bad things are happening" and doesnt elaborate on anything or barely elaboratesa and only gives people on both the inside and outside a bad sign of what the community is. Making posts whenever something happens being like "here we go again" is only going to highlight the wrong things, and actually DOESNT help the issue at all! The problems should be discussed directly with the people who are doing said problems FIRST! Bring attention to behaviors and things that arent good DIRECTLY! And also, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO!!! It is not your duty as a viewer or fan of me to be involved in any of this if you do not want to! Just enjoy the content and make silly posts! As someone who constantly tried to fix and get into every problem as it was happening, it took a huge toll on my mental health, and I want you guys to just be able to enjoy the content without having to worry about what you say about it! Be constructive! Dont make posts again just being like "wow this community is so bad" because that doesnt solve literally anything! If you have enough passion to make the posts saying "wow this community is bad" then only post about that, you are only spreading that negative message, and not uplifting anything of actual value! And if the person you are trying to help is not willing or not listening, BLOCK! MUTE! DONT BRING MORE ATTENTION TO THE PERSON IF THEY ARE NOT BEING A GOOD PART OF THE COMMUNITY!!!! I know I say that if I see problems I will call them out, but I shouldnt have to babysit every single time a thing happens within the community as that just isnt a healthy way for a creator or a community to be handled. This does not mean that I do not care about the issues or dont want them fixed, rather it shouldnt take me having to make some grand statement every single time something happens it should take only your own self reflection and self awareness. And to add onto this, make sure that every once in a while no matter who you are you think and have that self reflection, you should be open to being willing to learn and grow as a person! And again, I do NOT want anyone taking this as "Wow this community is terrible" but rather that we just have things that need to be fixed and changed and THAT IS OKAY! I do not hate the community, I care so much about it that I want it to be a silly place for my content again! I want it to be the reason why people get into what I do because of it again! And I want to be able to just have fun and relax without having to worry about how every single thing that I may say could have someone stirring things up that simply dont help or solve anything! Take care of yourselves. And this isnt coming from a place of "I hate the community as a whole" but rather again I want to be able to exist and make content that we can all enjoy without having to worry about walking on eggshells around me or around eachother! At the end of the day im just a fella that wants to make silly videos for you all, and you are people who enjoy said videos. Nothing more. Nothing less.

[tomeebear04]

alot of people portray tord as some insane sociopath who doesn’t care about anyone and its particularly heightened in wtfuture content,that being said i personally dont mind these headcanons when i was younger i was totally in favor of tord being a villain but whats your opinion on it? From what ive seen red leader is especially abusive to future tom but i always thought the cast was pretty mean to eachother in the earlier eddisodes but just grew out of it,tord left before the rest of them stopped being so mean to eachother,now its more or less poking fun and annoying eachother here and there

do you think tord just didn’t get the memo and thought it was still okay to act like this? Im all for ‘edgier’ headcanons and story telling but i just personally think to an extent tord isn’t as much as an asshole as people try to make him out to be,at some point the cast have tried to kill eachother and tom literally did what he did in zanta claws (which i forgive him for <33) but i see alot more people give tord more flack than anyone,srry ab the long winded question but i am curious ab your answer ^^

this is a multi-part question so im going to number them to make it more readable lol. also dw about long asks; i like em. lover having conversations about the show with other people

the tord villain question. ah the thing that divides the eddsworld fandom to this day. my opinion on this is a little nuanced. i personally like that direction for his character. i think it's interesting. it recontextualizes a lot of his strange behaviors from earlier episodes. fan interpretation of the actual content of the end episodes have led to a lot of people hating that idea though. i can see why too. i'm not a fan on how people decided to portray tord afterwards. i don't think he was a nice or pleasant person from day one, but i definitely don't think he's a sociopath or psychopath or insane. well not any more insane than everyone else. there's a lot more going on with tord psychologically. he has shown to care about people to an extent. i definitely think he has some kind of personality disorder. i've seen fans discuss schizoid personality disorder and borderline personality disorder in regards to a diagnosis for tord. i don't know enough on the subject to comment either way. imo a good tord wouldn't lose any of the fun aspects of his personality to fit better into any given villain trope. trying to fit square peg in a circle hole, ya know?

tom abuse. this one im a hard no on. i dont know why this got so popular. tord and tom are rivals. making tord an abuser and tom his victim just seems wrong for their dynamic. a lot of that content is fetish driven...and well.. im not touching that topic with a 10 ft shit and piss covered pole. if you're gonna make tord terrible to tom, you have to make tom just as terrible back. they both get under each others skin. i prefer the idea that tord and tom are more friendly in wtfuture since edd is out of the picture. i mean tord has to like him enough to employ him. tom likes him enough to be able to borrow a time machine without much trouble. those are two emotional unstable buddies right there

everyone kinda sucks. this is just straight up true. everyone was out for blood early on in eddsworld. i mean just look at matt. that guy was straight up a menace. yeah the show changed a lot. the tone and the way characters treat each other softened. the tomee bear has a pretty good video on this. i don't disagree with much of what he says. it added a new way to view the end episodes which i greatly appreciate. i could see this being the direction they go for tord in canon

everyone elses crimes. when it comes to talking about the other characters crimes i'd say dont take it seriously if the show doesnt. tom's christmas demolition wasnt taken seriously at all as an act of domestic terrorism. it's a joke about tom's character taken to the extreme for comedy. most things they do are consequence-less. basically, only take it seriously when the show does. tord blowing up the house, killing jon, and betraying everyone was tonally a lot different from tom rapping about hating christmas and nuking bongland. that's the reason why people hate on tord for what he did a bit more. personally i hate tord for being an annoying gooner with confusing politics. but u know to each their own

[kroosluvr]

hi!! as a fellow royal trio-truther ive been ADORING and loving your posts so much <3 you mentioned that you've like mentally re-wired shusumi so i was curious if you had a list of head-canons for how they develop in the game/post-game!! Im super curious to hear (: also any head-canons for the akesumi dynamic would be great bc I hate how little the game developed them together !!!

OMGGGGGGGGG HAYYYYYYYYYY ok so. first. look at this (idr if i posted this here already but if i did look again heh..)

ok now ill actually talk under the cut

note that some of this is headcanon territory bc i just be frolicking at this point

some backstory i fell in love w sumi as soon as her art was revealed i was like omfg peak design PEAKKKKKK i love her so much so i was really excited abt her but i feel like there were so many loose ends w her confidant and namely her crush on protag sometimes doing her a disservice (it turned ppl off from her (understandable bc i also dislike when writers make a female character out to be dependent on a male character) but also made other ppl weird abt her in the same breath....... shivers. people who overly-romanticize/sexualize mentally ill characters (especially girls/women) freak me out sorry

anyway that put me off frm p5 fandom for a hot minute. BUT regardless. i think people often focus on like "shy cute sadgirl kouhai crush-on-protag" for her which on top of atlus's.......mediocre handling of her also does her character a disservice... shes so multilayered!! she houses such insane convoluted levels of distress and fear and anger and reluctance and most of all STUBBORNNESS. i think her headstrong personality is not really emphasized in fandom but i can totally see it (maybe its just me but).

ok moving on to my shsm delusions i think to turn sumire's canon crush on its head i want to make them doomed to never get together. i think 3rd semester is so tense and high-emotion that royal trio are so deeply intertwined w each other:

like they all are mildly-to-a-lot suicidal so they hold onto each other so tightly to make sure none of them spirals and does anything bad. i think in the end they just want the other two to be Okay, even if they themself doesn't. if the other two are ok, then it's all good.

ok back to shsm LMAO i think seeing their relationship as like an odd high-emotion situation makes sense. they love each other, obviously, and provide each other comfort, but the idea of a relationship slips thru their fingers like water. is that right...? is that how it is? like i said up there they just crumble under the weight of their own love. tldr theyre in no place to "date" each other........ but they have their "almost." they're inseparable, they love spending time with each other, but knowing in the back of their heads that it won't last, and they'll have to leave it be one day. "sometimes when i really love someone i leave them alone forever." peak shsm to me. "let's run away together - but what if it's not enough? what if all of this fear and sadness still stays? i take a man down to the river and he throws away his sadness but hes still left with his hands, he's still left with the river (paraphrased richard siken). peak shsm to me. i think they try to treat eachother so softly and gently that it fucks it all up, actually. peak shsm to me. it's not codependency in the sense that theyre not trying to save each other - they're just trying to salvage out some love from it all. all of these terrible things that happened: there's still love, right? there's still love. but the pain can't all be sifted out, and everything still hurts. but they still love. (they just don't date or even talk to each other much after graduating and i think they talk to akechi but to each other its suddenly COMPLICATED. i hate these guys)

ironically i think if you throw akechi in the mix it stabilizes out and i think shuakesumi could totally have a happy married ending. but shsm as a pair i dont see endgame for them. peak for me is that theyre in love and then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget each other (they don't)

(If this sounds ridiculous and stupid im sorry. i just like shoving too-many-emotions onto my favs sometimes (a lot of the time))

IN REGARDS TO AKESUMI i think my latest 2 comics describe how i feel abt them pretty well!!! link 1 and link 2. actually i think akesumi's friendship is a great way for me to explore how i see/portray/feel about sumire, because i see them as way more similar than the game pays attention to. they're both stuck in their ways: sumire in her cowardice, hiding from the incident and refusing to move on, and akechi entrenched in his own traumas and feeling like he doesn't deserve more than that. their self-hatred manifests in two opposite ways but its very similar at the core. they both like. have no fucking clue what they're doing in terms of handling their pasts so that's why i think them working together to get around their own respective traumas is so fascinating: akechi is terrible at it, pushing sumire too far, but at the same time that perspective is something that she needs. meanwhile, her sensitive and observant personality shows akechi that like, you can have This too: a soft, good love. to have someone care about you unconditionally, so gently. you deserve that, too. yeah i can explode my head off now

i did not proofread this.

[loverboyjamespotter]

What’re your general prongsfoot head canons

hiii!!! im so sorry for the late reply ive not been online much recently!

and thank you for asking about prongsfoot hcs bc honestly i could talk about them all day lmaooo OKAY SO:

sirius has borderline personality disorder and his favourite person is james

this isnt really prongsfoot this is more james but i firmly believe he has adhd

on a similar note i definitely DEFINITELY think sirius is autistic

i think that no one truly UNDERSTOOD james like sirius. i think one of the most compelling things about prongsfoot is that james is obviously a performer. he enjoys attention and he likes being the centre of attention. however, i think at the end of the day that really is just an Image if you get what i mean? like everyone wants a part of james hes the most popular boy in school hes practically a legend like i really really feel like people underestimate the fucking FORCE OF NATURE that was james potter like he was the gryffindor chaser IN SECOND YEAR!!!!! but i feel like ... hmm this is hard to articulate but i think what i mean is sirius sees Through the facade and loves james for who he is not in spite of who he is. like in SWM when theres people in the crowd who are laughing at james' antics (along the vein of 'oh that james! what a card!') and lily telling james to stop it but i think sirius just sees the worst parts of james and loves them just as much as the good parts. i think he sees through the spoilt naivety, the arrogance, the everything to who james is as a person. and heres the really crazy thing: i really dont even think ... james KNOWS he putting on this performance for the benefit of everyone else because i think he absolutely is the most oblivious person when it comes to his feelings but sirius knows.

this links into my next big hc which is that i think BOTH sirius AND james love each other for who they are in their entirety like i think james saw sirius and adored him for everything he was.

i think theyre simultaneously the same person and polar opposites.

i think sirius because of the the fact he had the upbringing he did is hyperconscious of what hes feeling at any time so he knew he was in love with james like. within first year. but i genuinely think james didnt even realise he was in love with sirius just because he always WAS ... hes just has TERRIBLE reflection skills like that guy is sooo oblivious to his own feelings its hilarious. like hes ALSO been in love with sirius since first year he just didnt realise bc the feelings always been there.

theres this popular thing in fics and it really annoys me its like my pet peeve in fics where its like sirius only was obsessed with james bc james was his first friend or the first person that was kind to him :| i genuinely think thats just terrible analysis. firstly we KNOW andromeda and sirius were always on good terms and alphard cared for sirius too. but even if that wasnt true i genuinely dont think sirius is the kind of person to be obsessed with the first person who's nice to him. i think theres a tendency to remove sirius from his own canonical context like sirius is ... at best indifferent and at worst disinterested in ... pretty much EVERYONE. like he wouldn't just choose some random kid to obsess over. i think sirius consciously and DELIBERATELY chose james to obsess over because it was JAMES not because james HAPPENED to be the first person to be kind to sirius. also this is soo silly because if you re-read their first meeting ... JAMES ISNT EVEN NICE TO HIM LMFAOOOOO???? like hes a little shit he LITERALLY SAYS AND I QUOTE 'blimey and i thought you were alright' LIKE SIRIUS JUST SAID HIS WHOLE FAMILY ARE SLYTHERINS AND JAMES SAID THE EQUIVALENT OF 'lmfaooo your family sux' like????

this is canon but i just want to stress it more but i think the whole entire school knew james and sirius were obsessed with each other like again yes this is canon the fact 'you never saw one without the other' but i genuinely think everyone was absolutely so sick of them.

this is another popular thing in fics where it has jily being together and sirius 'moving on' ... sorry but sirius is not ever dating anyone that isnt james he is never moving on he is never trying to get past james. is that healthy? fuck no. but also prongsfoot as a dynamic is absolutely insane like it really really irritates me when fic has sirius trying to 'move on' sorry that guy is NEVER EVER going to try and get over james. ever.

another thing that is a pet peeve of mine and i realise this is now just becoming a pet peeves list but bare with me is that fic often under-emphasises how the nature of prongsfoots relationship was definitely reciprocal and by that i mean james was EQUALLY as obsessed with sirius like again to point to SWM .... it SAYS. IN THE TEXT. that harry got the feeling that james wouldnt stop being an asshole for anyone other than sirius. HARRY FEELS THAT PALPABLY BY WATCHING THEM FROM A DISTANCE!!!!!!!!!!!! but my hc is that over the summers before sirius runs away james mopes around the whole house sighing and everything because he misses sirius. like to the point where james' parents are concerned for him bc james is NOT the brooding type yet he spends a full day flat on his back glaring at the ceiling because walburga confiscated sirius' two way mirror and sirius hasnt stolen it back yet.

GOD IM SORRY THESE ARE SO LONG I HAD SO MANY MORE BUT I THOUGHT IT BEST TO CUT OFF HERE

[vexingwoman]

Uh not actually here to hate but to say thanks???? Ive been thinking alot on my self expression and trying to figure out how to word it, and seeing some of your comments with other people really helped to put in perspective what I was trying to come to terms with. Ive always struggled with my gender but acknowledge fully that I'm biologically female. (Stay with me here till the end please i know lol) I genuinely dont care what pronouns I'm called either and none have ever felt right if I'm honest and nothing I've read or tried has been adding up for me over the years to help me feel any better.

Kinda realizing over the past year or so that I just have this deep ingrained idea from being surrounded constantly my whole life in a woman hating environment that I just have a *really* heavily masked hatred for what general society treats women as and was trying to remove myself from it hoping itd somehow save me from the terrible shit we all go through daily. And it just made me feel even more alienated doing that to myself. Its been a long time of coming around to this and I know how it sounds but I dont wanna consider any of my time wasted. I dont remember what it was but something you said to someone in a long ass comment fight clicked for me and rn I'm sleep deprived and wont even remember what it was in the morning either but I feel like some kind of weight has been eased off me. Im doing my best to unlearn the sexist misogynistic bs ive had shoved down my throat my whole life that made me think being a woman was something to be shameful of and better off without.

Its been hard trying to look into this radfem community and find someone who didn't immediately just insult and exclude ppl that werent already on the ball agreeing. Basically I appreciate your ranting with strangers. Amd indulging some of their curiousity as clearly as you can+defining everything you say constantly so I dont get lost in a whirlwind of hard to understand metaphors. Idk you get it. Something clicked and i dont feel ashamed for the time gone bc I know it was heavily influenced by the oppression of all things normal-human-womanly around me. I hate that we're all so tied into these stereotypes. Its painfully hard to unlearn. Thanks for the help. Have a fat block of text as thanks cause I'm not sure how to sound as genuine as I feel rn. Have a nice day and an even better tomorrow. Im gonna get some sleep now💀(stayed up WAY too late painting lol) bye!

This is so wonderful to hear. I know how dreadful it is doing serious introspection and making yourself aware of how deeply and unconsciously your internalized sexism runs. I’ve been there, and I know it’s even more difficult to deconstruct the subtle sexist attitudes which have been ingrained into to us since birth. Often it seems as hopeless as chasing smoke, because some of our internalized sexism is so deep that it’s invisible, and worse, inarticulable.

Some women will never think on these subjects beyond their surface level—will never dissect their preferences, will never concede that their choices are influenced by sex-based socialization, will never seriously reflect on why they are so desperate to identify out of womanhood. And in a strange way, I sympathize with these women, because I understand that it’s easier to shut your eyes and convince yourself that you were born in the wrong body than it is to open your eyes and acknowledge how much sexism has seeped into and corrupted our own minds.

Basically, I’m proud of you for putting yourself through the pain of deconstructing your own internalized sexism. You are better for even attempting it, and I hope you continue to do so.

P.S. I know exactly which long-ass comment fight you’re referring to, because I only put myself through that once. At least someone benefited from the literal month I spent arguing with that stranger. They blocked me, so unfortunately I can’t even go back and analyze the conversation if I ever wanted to. I would love to know what you took away from it, if you ever do remember.

[monsterswithimagines]

Undisclosed Desires - Part 11

Joe Goldberg x female!Reader

Summary: Twenty minutes before he would have met Guinevere Beck, Joe meets you instead. You intruige him, but it will soon become clear that there is something off about you.

Words: 951

Masterlist

Guysssss I'm sorry if this sucks. I spent all day at the office wishing I could write and then I got home and people just would NOT leave me alone and I had to keep taking breaks 😭😭. Also I kind of didn't know how I wanted this chapter to go at all but now that I'm past it I'll probably have less trouble.

I'm not mad, (Y/n).

It's been three days and you're still avoiding me, but I'm so not mad that I give Ethan a raise and that I buy Paco dinner twice and that I smile at everyone who walks into Mooney’s. That's how you know I love you: I understand that you need time and space to figure out how you feel. And I can wait. And I don't take it out on others. Love is patient, after all.

And this is love. I know it is. You said I am great, and cute, and ugh, and that means something. But you said it yourself: you are ruining this by avoiding me. And when I text you, you're short with me. Why are you doing this to us? Are you the kind of girl who sabotages good things?

Then you finally text me properly. It's a long string of texts, and I want to ignore you because I'm not mad, but I'm a little disappointed in you, honestly, and I think that's fair. But the more I read, the more I smile, and I know I will not ignore you.

YOU: ok im so sorry i know iv been super distant and rude and that is totally on me and id love to tell u iv just been busy or whatever but the truth is actually that i've kind of been avoiding you?? i know i know im a mega bitch. plz forgive me 🙏🏻

YOU: but heres the thing iv never??? done this before??? like gone on dates and gotten drunk and spilled my guts to a guy and liked a guy

YOU: like this is so embarrassing bc i might just be making a super big deal out of nothing

YOU: iv had like six coffees today im sorry im not making sense

YOU: iv never had a boyfriend before and i dont have any other friends here and also im kind of like. super insecure??? so

YOU: you can interrupt me any minute now

YOU: pls

ME: Just give me a moment.

Ethan isn't here to watch the register but honestly, (Y/n)? I don't care. There's only two people in the store and they've both been browsing forever. They're just going to end up buying books they will never read, so I go into the office and close the door behind me. And then I call you.

You answer right away.

“Hey, you,” you say, embarrassed.

“You should have too much coffee more often,” I tell you.

“Uh, no, never again. I have a horrible headache.”

“I'm sorry.”

“It's okay,” you assure me. I hear something slam in the background. “Oops.”

“What are you doing?”

“Just rearranging my furniture.”

“Okay. Why?”

“I'm having a… day,” you say. “Sometimes I just have these moments where I have to change something about my life right this second, you know?”

“So you rearrange your furniture and you text guys illiterate love confessions.”

“Illiterate!” you exclaim. “I will have you know I am a copywriter, and I'm very good at my job.”

“Uh huh.”

“My failure to capitalize my texts is entirely on purpose.”

“Right.”

“And so is the lack of commas.”

I keep quiet, and you realize that I called what you sent me a love confession. You don't correct me because you do love me. You do.

“So,” you say. “Thoughts?”

“I like you. I think that's pretty clear. I went to a music festival with you, and the music was terrible.”

You laugh.

“But I don't want to push you into anything. Have you really never had a boyfriend?”

“Well, there was this boy at summer camp when I was twelve. We held hands on the swings and he shared his Nintendo with me. But I don't think that counts.” I've never wanted to kill a twelve-year-old boy before. “Then there was a girl when I was fifteen. I liked her but it turned out she was just, like, experimenting. So was I, really. We lasted two weeks.”

A girl, huh? This isn't something I expected. But I don't react, because I know you want me to react, and you also don't always like to get what you want right away.

“But no,” you conclude. “I've never actually dated anyone before. That doesn't mean you're pushing me.”

You are so brave, (Y/n). You've never been in love with anyone before but here you are, taking charge.

On your end of the phonecall, something else slams. Then something shatters. You curse and someone knocks on the office window, and I hold up my finger at him to indicate one minute.

“Hey,” I say. “Do you want me to come over and help? After work, I mean.”

“No. I mean, yes to coming over, but no to helping. I'll just get annoyed because you're not doing it exactly how I want it to be done.”

“I'll just bring food, then.”

Another kock at the window. I'm going to kill this guy.

“Great! I'm craving pizza,” you say.

“Pizza it is. Toppings?”

“Pepperoni. And jalapenos.”

“You got it.”

“See you tonight, Joe,” you say, but what you really mean is I love you.

We hang up and I go help the man. I am so nice to him, because you have invited me to your apartment. You want me there. You want me to sit on your bed and feed you and watch you move your books around because you love me, and you told me you've never had a boyfriend before which means you think I am your boyfriend now.

Closing time can't come soon enough.

[quodekash]

im making dangerous romance my entire personality so im sorry to all my non-bl mutuals for the spamming of your dash every Friday night/saturday morning but its gotta happen

this is how I pose for photos

A KISS???

PLS LET IT BE A KISS

EEEEEEEEEEEEE

IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR AGESSSSSS

but also kang's gonna cry in this scene. we've seen it in the end credits, sailom wearing kang's jersey and hugging kang and grinning while kang is full on sobbing and I still can't guess why kang would be sobbing while sailom's grinning and comforting him

thats adorable

I literally love them so much

OH

OH HONEYYY

HE'S TEARING UP

I GET IT NOW

IT'S OKAY KANG HONEY, YOU'RE ALLOWED TO CRY

I actually really love this

like a lot

generally crying is associated with sad things and characters in shows, particularly if they're men, usually only portray crying as sad, but its actually perfectly normal to cry for literally any emotion at all, and its so refreshing to see him tearing up so much that he needs to wipe it away with his hand, but not because something bad happened, because he's so proud of himself and of how far hes come and it just makes him cry, nothing more complicated than that.

you see, im pretty sure my emotions are stored in my eyes, and I think I generally feel overwhelming amounts of emotions more often than the average person, so at least once a day, those emotions come spilling out because there's just too much of it to keep in my eyes at once

im honestly genuinely surprised I still have tears left

wait how are tears made

where do they come from

how do they not run out

google is not answering my question properly and im too tired and stupid to process whole-ass articles and research thingies so can Someone Who Knows Things please get back to me on this? like how do our eyes just keep producing tears over and over again without running out of stock

so. he couldnt find his watch. he found out one of his employees stole it. he fired that employee. he's now grumpy because he has to water plants himself now. another employee offered to do the plant watering for him. in exchange, he's giving the employee the very same watch.

do you see what im tryna say here? and what everyone else also probably noticed? it just doesnt make sense

the math aint mathin

is it... leverage against saifah?

because he told him to water the plants every day from now on

idk man im too tired for this to figure out what's going on

he's ridiculous, I love him

like I said at the start of the episode sailom, you're boyfriends now, there's no WAY he's letting you keep your personal space

AAA

HJSHDJHDJGH

oh. so it's... not them running away? it's just them heading to a training camp?

wait but in that shot in the intro they dont have much with them. surely thats not them going to a training camp, that's gotta be them running away????

...

here it comes. here comes the angst. a lot later in the episode than I was expecting, but it's here nonetheless and im not happy about it

go shove a cactus up your ass you bastard

OHOHOHOH I THINK THEY ARE ABOUT TO RUN AWAY

BECAUSE WHAT KANGSAILOM ARE CURRENTLY WEARING IS WHAT THEYRE WEARING IN THAT SHOT IN THE INTRO

AND THEY JUST RODE THE BIKE TO SCHOOL

AND THEY JUST TALKED ABOUT GOING TO KORAT

SO I THINK THEY'RE LITERALLY RIGHT ABOUT TO LEAVE AND HAUL THEIR ASSES OUT OF THERE

like right at the end of the episode probably

perth tanapon sukumpantanasan is a wonder

PARALLELS TO EPISODE 1 WHERE KANG WAS TELLING SAILOM TO PROSTATE HIMSELF ON HIS KNEES

ASSHOLE

BASTARD

PRICK

BULLY

BITCH

THERE ARE NOT WORDS ENOUGH TO EXPRESS THE NAMES I WANT TO CALL HIM

IM AGGRESSIVELY FLIPPING OFF MY SCREEN RIGHT NOW HE'S TERRIBLE AND DISGUSTING AND HORRIBLE AND I KNEW HE WAS BAD AND I KNEW HE WOULD BE THIS BAD BUT HOLY FRICK THIS IS DISGUSTING I can't wait for this man to be shot

excellent closing words

turn your back and walk away from this mess (and come back to a crime scene where your father has been shot and your boyfriend's brother is being arrested in front of the house but we'll get to that when it comes to it)

I get what he's feeling and what he means but kang, you still have your friends, you still have your boyfriend, your grandma, you're not completely alone

thank you sailom for pointing out to him that he's not alone, you're doing me a huge favour (especially considering im a viewer through a screen and not someone who can actually interact with kang so anything I say is kind of pointless)

hugs :(

OKAY SO THE THING IS RIGHT

this is really sad and horrible and all that stuff

but, but but but but, he's cried three times in one episode. and one of those times wasn't crying from sadness. that doesnt happen often and I think we should acknowledge that

I love kang for being an emotional mess, he's like me frfr

side note: all of sailom's hugs look so comfortable

YESSSSS THEYRE FINALLY GONNA KISS NEXT EPISODE

and like I know they've technically already kissed twice but I mean they're finally gonna kiss good if that makes sense

the first time was revenge, and im sorry kang but the second time was just bad. that was a bad kiss.

WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS FINE

its okay to have a bad first kiss

in fact, there should be MORE bad first kisses in relationships in fictional media

also: loved the gay motorbike commercial in the post-credits scene thingy

ANYWAY this episode was amazing and it was so fluffy and I loved it all so so so much and I'll definitely be rewatching it every day over the next week to keep the brainworms under control, like im slapping flex seal over a crack in my soul repeatedly every day until the next episode comes out

goodnight folks, its nearly 3am, have a wonderful evening/day/morning/whatever, and keep calm and sailom

[losersroom]

could u directors cut the conversation of gay90s where it's like "I’ve been thinking about April. You know, before I left." to "“Absolutely,” says Brock, who has never understood anything less in his life"....whatever pieces of that that u want to!! i just love that conversation and would love to hear ur behind the scenes!!!!

GOD so like. alright that whole fic grew out of a conversation me and g were having Forever ago about this post, particularly the second point. and i was like, oh hey, that reminds me of this story i wanted to write about brock going to the gay 90's. and then i sat on it for like two more months.

so the important thing to take away from this is that it was only ever supposed to be that first part, where brock and jonas run into each other and then jonas sucks him off and they kind of subtly agree to not talk about it, the end. but like, i am at heart a gigantic sap and i wrote up to there and realized i couldn't leave it on the final line of. it can never happen again. because i too have been gay and closeted and sad about it, and i didnt want to give all that to brock.

(the other thing, which you didn't ask about but here it is, is like. a lot of these thoughts and attitudes i gave brock in that fic were just... how i felt, about myself and queerness and everything, at age 21/22, born and raised in the midwest. and like obviously i grew up and got over it and i'm extremely queer and trans and married now, and i want to think, hey, in this universe i'm constructing, it can get better for brock, too. we just have to get him there.)

anyway i had to then construct like. a narrative throughline from blowjobs to some sort of mutual understanding. ive said this before but i always think it's fun in these things to like, present brock's opinions and perspective and expectations and just pepper in around the edges hints of what jonas is actually thinking and feeling and doing, which. doesn't always line up. and then make people guess what's going on in his head, same way as brock is guessing. what i HOPE people took from that scene is that, you know, that whole summer brock spent thinking about jonas, jonas was thinking about him, too. trying to work out in his head if brock being there was a one-time thing or if there's an opportunity to have something more. and i DONT want to get into whether or not i think jonas actually has a history in this continuity with any of the people that brock imagines he might, because i think it's more fun to leave people room to draw their own conclusions, but he definitely has more experience with Being Queer In The NHL than brock does, and navigating that world, and being just. careful about it. exercising caution. he might want to mess around with brock again, but he has to approach it with discretion, you know, in case brock... Isn't into that. (but in my heart, because i'm me, i also like to think that jonas is interested because it's brock, not just because he's there and potentially the only one of their teammates available. u know. in my heart everybody's in love, im a romantic, i can't help it.)

so that scene was just intended as like. connective tissue. but it wound up being my favorite part of the entire fic lol. just the... palpable awkwardness of trying to figure out if a guy is interested in you. being on the same page without really being on the same page. and then jonas choosing to just hang out awkwardly and watch a terrible movie at 2 am with brock not just because he cant think of another way to extract himself from the situation now that its clear theyre not going to fuck, but because he sincerely likes spending time with this idiot, lmao. that's Real. that's a move i would have done, when i was dating.

[nerves-nebula]

Hi um terrible sorry to bother you rn with a maybe loaded question but what would be each turtles biggest concern(?) issue(?) once they leave splinter and like move to the hidden city? I have a decent idea for donnie and leo but have barely have any for raph and absolutely nothing for mikey

This may or may not turn into something im working on for this tmnt iteration

not entirely sure what you mean by concern so I'll try to wrap my head around "issue." but even that's pretty broad, since they have a lot of overlapping issues.

so like, they've all got PTSD. just to get that outta the way. i think ive talked about this before but i cant find those posts sooo here's to hoping i dont contradict myself!

Raph: Raph mostly struggles with figuring out his identity outside of being a protector. he also focuses a lot on trying to remain present (not dissociate) and being more in touch with his bodies needs, as well as his emotional needs. it's hard for him to pick up new hobbies because he can't really tell what he likes?? so that's what hes doing in therapy, trying to figure himself out and learn how to better take care of HIMSELF instead of others. and like, see himself as a person haha.

Mikey: Mikey gets a bit high off of freedom and kind of goes crazy throughout his twenties, lots of sex, parties, magic drugs, normal drugs, he's down for whatever. he's kind of all over the place and he loves it at first but then he realizes it might not be a great way to live for him. he wants to have something to show for his life and work and like, find a community (while still being insane sometimes :>) and he ends up doing a lot of charity work, painting murals, and a bunch of other stuff. eventually he stumbles his way into a tattoo apprenticeship. His whole thing is basically figuring out how to be his own impulse control, with a side of guilt because he feels like he's the "least traumatized" of his brothers (he still has PTSD it just usually shows up differently than in his brothers)

Mikey also really, REALLY hates being called stupid (not as a joke, like if he fucks something up and someone says hes dumb or something). Splinter always said he was the dumbest one of them all and he acts like he doesn't care, BUT HE DO. it really gets under his skin.

Leo: a lotta self hatred on his end tbh. he spends a lot of time as the hidden cities protector trying to atone for his past mistakes. he feels both fragile and like he's walking on eggshells around his brothers because he knows that he's made most of their problems worse. he also feels like what he went through isnt as bad, because splinter liked him the most. so he's got a similar guilt thing going on as Mikey, with the added pressure of feeling like he has to "earn" his place with his brothers, the way he had to "earn" his place as Splinters favorite.

Donnie: Donnie goes to college pretty early into moving into the hidden city, which he's super excited about! he gets into a really bad relationship for like a year or two with Adelaide, and after that just kind of becomes more and more suicidal until he attempts to kill himself. im not actually entirely sure about the timeline here but yeah, he deals with a lot of sexual & relationship trauma as well as self esteem issues (literally only conceives of himself as pathetic and weak), intrusive thoughts, and suicidal ideation.

donnie doesn't feel like he'll ever be good enough for anything, and he resents the people around him for disagreeing because he thinks they're lying to him.

hope that wasnt all too rambly for ya!

[katerinaaqu]

for the thing about the maids (and btw i have no textual basis for this, it's just my flawed interpretation) i always empathised with them n even melantho bc idk ive been in that situation. like to me it seemed the suitors could take what they wanted n after 10 years of that it would wear you down so i understand why melantho was vindictive and dismissive of odysseus, to me she was just trying to feel some power for herself or something. telemachus couldnt do anything, penelope couldnt do anything, so the maids' best bet for survival/to make the best out of a terrible situation would be to get close to their abusers. n then when they had to clean up the blood and gore of their potential abusers (even if they were consensual lovers, this is a bit much for me, especially considering they knew they was gonna die after this). but yh, for those who stayed loyal to odysseus / obviously unwilling to follow the suitors orders, to me that just felt like a different way of coping idk. anyway this is very long so sorry lol, i dont really have any backing in the text for it, i just always empathised a bit w the maids that got hanged yh sorry lol

Well as I answered to a previous ask of mine, I think Homer made it clear that they were following willingly.

Now of course Homer is also a master for writing stuff that can be interpreted in many ways (see Achilles and Patroclus relationship for example) so under normal circumstances I would also say that the maidens were being forced by the conditions or perhaps their own need for freedom to have relationships with the suitors but as I said before here's the thing;

In Homer we do not see the verb which means "to force" which is something he uses for cases like Phemius who is playing to entertain them. With them Homer speaks as they go to meet their lovers. What is more they as I said before revealed the secrets of Penelope giving to the suitors the key to continue their harassment of hers while before they legitimately waited for her to finish the shroud. It seems that their actions go beyond just their own need to claw themselves out of a situation they resented.

And as you said punishment for treason was death. And quite frankly they weren't necessarily in danger by Odysseus (given they considered him dead long time now). They were slaves. Literally anyone in the house that was a free man or woman could punish them for their treason. Penelope herself perhaps or even Telemachus. Why would you go to such lengths risking your own head for it? Unless you never believed you wouldn't get caught. Either way by contrasting their behavior to other loyal subjects of Odysseus, homer seems to tell us that they had a choice. And that their choices were not forced upon them. And their punishment was the punishment for treason. As cruel as it was since they weren't just hanged but they were also forced to clean the bodies of their lovers (which again seemed another indication that the task would hurt them and so they did host feelings for them).

As for Melantho on the contrary she seems the least possible candidate among the slave girls that seems to have reasons to resent Odysseus and his family. Sure she was taken as a slave but she was taken very young. Penelope raised her like her own daughter and trusted her deeply. Homer says "she had as many playthings as she desired" aka she was raising the girl like she raised Telemachus. In a way she had every reason to be grateful to Penelope for she had no obligation to raise her so. Yes she got drunk by the power she felt being the lover of a lord. She commits hubris and she is punished for it by the hand of Odysseus and Telemachus

Well it could be but like I wrote to another analysis of mine, his loyal slaves are absolutely delighted to see him. They are not pretending. They kiss and embrace him and cry with him. It is not like they cope by being loyal. They are loyal because they love him and because they genuinely respect him. Eumaeus even calls Telemachus "his son". He genuinely loves him. The slave girls react in a similar way when they are allowed to get out of their chambers. They do not bow to Odysseus and they do not kiss his hands and feet in respect. They run at him kissing his head and shoulders, embrace him and rejoice at his presence. They are beyond servants to him. So if it is coping I mostly see it as coping with the loss of their master and the disgrace of his son by the suitors than anything else.

I hope that makes sense and sorry for the long reply

[struck-by-the-rain]

haha hey you know that ask game you reblogged. what if. the prompt i gave you from it...... was all of them . grins EVILLY

UMMM!!!! TEEHEEE!!!! hi anon here's the dissertation u requested from this ask game, obviously im doing joe and sk (Ziggy) bc who else would i be able to answer 30 questions about??? i went into detail w all of these

under cut bc loooong and theres some doodles

1. What’s their love languages?

love languages are pseudoscience but as i said in a post before (and as u can see from my art and hopefully writing lmao) they're a very physically affectionate couple to me! to paraphrase my ramble from a bit ago, they're both the type of autistic person to thrive on physical touch but Joe's spent most of his life being extremely lonely and touch-starved. so I think Ziggy (whos like. a very clingy cat kinda) just loves to be rly gentle and affectionate w Joe in a way he never thought he'd ever experience or deserve. sobs a little (idk i make em v v sappy bc. comfort ship)

2. Do they have a dynamic trope? (enemies to lovers, sunshine x grumpy, etc?)

i dont knowwwwwwww but if i ever end up putting tha things i wanna write/finish writing on ao3 theyd probs be tagged friends to lovers which i assume is what the question's asking? and probs also hurt/comfort kinda i guess, in both "directions" but i def think Joe has more Problems in his life than Ziggy, especially when they first meet, so it just goes that way (again, comfort ship. i project my problems onto both of them but maybe more on joe soooo)

3. Who cooks? Who cleans up? Who’s banned from the kitchen?

Joe's a good cook I think, out of necessity (because his dad was such a terrible one) and also he takes it up as a hobby! not too sure about Ziggy, im tempted to say he sucks a bit at it n is just a bit clumsy and incompetent. 6switcher also lives with Ziggy and Joe and he's kind of like, a 3rd (platonic) member of the relationship and cooks for them all occasionally!!!

4. What’s their favorite sleeping/cuddling positions?

again they're like velcro around each other so i think they always hold each other when sleeping,, its v. comforting for both of them!!! i went thru my art tag and ive literally drawn them snoozing like 9 quintillion times and kinda similar each time,,,, the comfy cozies,,,

also really liking the hc that space kickers are kinda catlike in some ways so maybe sometimes Joe wakes up and like. his arms numb because Ziggy's curled up like a cat and is lying on it or Ziggy's sprawled out in the most bizarre sleeping position possible.

5. Who does what chores?

They have a cat (remix 9) that was also originally Joe's so he probably looks after that side of things, and as I said Joe also does the majority of the cooking I think!!! Other than that I can't really see them particularly dividing things out in a special way, maybe bc they r both autistic they have sensory hangups around certain things and the other takes charge! and again 6switcher lives w them so does some of it

6. Do they go out often or prefer to stay indoors?

When they first meet Joe is still living in the basement and they meet behind Senior's back, so they pretty much have to spend all their time out and about! which they both enjoy. When they move in together I still think they do a lot of fun things together out and about :) especially bc I imagine Ziggy's place is in the middle of a big city w lots of stuff to do!! and they also play for the same football team! but I think they're both good at looking at each other and deciding to skip a plan/social gathering

7. Who is the more romantic one?

i dont knowwwwwwwwwwwwww they are literally just. so sappy to each other. maybe I'd say Ziggy - they call Joe a bunch of really sappy petnames and gives him physical affection a loooot

8. Do they have any favorite activities to do together?

football :)))) Ziggy teaches Joe how to play, Joe teaches Ziggy to be happy w/ doing the sport for fun and not professionally (Zig had 2 retire early when he was young)! I think they also like to watch football games together (either at the stadium or on tv)!! also I think there's a market (like a night market!!) near where they live so they visit there quite often. ohhh and stargazing sniffle

9. Baths or showers together? Do they like elaborate ones with bubbles and flower petals?

probably not - Ziggy likes 2 take really cold baths/showers while Joe likes 2 take really hot ones bc in my mind palace space kickers are adapted to colder temperatures than humans! maybe they tried a few times but it didn't work out bc they kept arguing! but I think they'd both be fans of really long fancy baths n run them for each other

10. Who drives and who picks out the music?

Ziggy drives a silly little stereotypical ufo, Joe picks out the music (usually the rockers)

11. What’s a song that describes their relationship? Or, what’s the song that they’ve deemed “their” song?

as much as Ziggy isn't a huge fan of the rockers (Joe is), "that one song" (the rockers 2 song,,, enjoy my shitty in universe name) is their song because they had their first kiss/got together as a couple at the battle of the bands!!! so that 1 ig

12. Who gets up the earliest? Who has the worst sleep schedule? Who is the sleepiest?

Another hc I've thought already abt before is they have different sleep schedules, partially because they're different species! Ziggy goes to sleep later/wakes up earlier than Joe and also spends time awake in the night/napping, a bit like a cat kind of! they should maybe consider getting seperate beds but they are wayyyy too clingy w each other to consider that dfjkdjdjd. Joe's the sleepier one I think, especially before they move in w/ each other and he's overtired from training so much and probably has a bit of an unhealthy habit of denying himself sleep. he's the kind of guy to say "oh i'm fine, i'm tired but i don't need to sleep now!" and then Ziggy will play with his (remaining) hair for 2 minutes while they're watching tv together and he'll be like honk shoo honk shoo. i think in general he struggles to sleep normally but doesn't when Ziggy is there :')

13. What’s their opinions on PDA?

hypocritical,,, they both tend to be annoyed by others doing it, but are very pda-y themselves

14. Who does fashion shows after a mall trip and who watches and compliments them?

Ziggy is a v. fashionable guy and considers buying/modifying/making clothes a hobby, and probably even gets suuuper into it and likes to do lil mock fashion shows for Joe (like walking up and down the room as if it's the catwalk).

He also likes to buy Joe clothes n stuff, at first he buys Joe kinda fancy fashion-y things (wiimix7 outfit!!!) and then learns what he acc likes to wear (rly comfy cozy sweaters n stuff).

15. Do they go on vacations together? Where is their favorite place to visit?

they visit Joe's home planet quite often because he gets homesick and also ends up with earthling family other than senior. and they probs go to the beach there too or smth :)

16. What’s their favorite “domestic bliss” moment? Do they cook/clean together? Do they like to go out shopping together?

Joe has a growing collection of earthling plants (part of their apartment is slowly turning into a jungle) to feel more at home, and they love looking after them together, and Ziggy loves to listen to Joe talk about the different plants and how he's making sure they're all happy!!!

17. What does a relaxing night in look like for them?

very cliche but they cuddle up (under a blanket if its cold) and watch TV every night until one of them (usually Joe) starts falling asleep... Usually things like football games or like, shows/movies from their respective planets which they feel is important to introduce the other to. idk its just a mega important part of their routine to both of them :)

18. What does a date night out look like for them?

uhhhhhh idk Ziggy takes fuckin forever to get ready and pick an outfit and stuff a lot of the time! I think they live in a big city on Ziggy's planet w a lot of stuff to do so they have p varied date nights,,, stuff like going for nice dinners or concerts or watching the space/cosmic dance together! but tbf i think their fav date nights r like,, just stargazing together on a quiet hillside or something. i think if they're at a concert or a restaurant or whatever they often end up stargazing together anyway bc they both get overwhelmed easily n go and sit outside to chill for a bit

19. How do they silently/subtly express their love for each other?

when Joe was still living in the basement, letters! they communicated mainly by post during that period of their relationship and I think they'd just,,, include little inside jokes or send each other little heart candies n stuff. when theyre together i think theyd do things like subtly holding/touching hands or one holding on to the others coat or whatever,,, like idk theyre just always holding on to each other whether subtly or not

20. What clothes/accessories do they steal from each other?

Ziggy steals all of Joe's sweaters, even the ones he buys for Joe as a gift, bc they're oversized and really comfy and just like,,, feel like a big hug to him!!! Joe also lends him a pink rockers t-shirt one day so they can match at the battle of the bands and it becomes Ziggy's fav pyjamas! idk if Joe steals any of Ziggy's extensive wardrobe bc a lot of it isn't his style, though i could see him taking a liking to Ziggy's scarves :)

21. Which of their friends/family pokes fun at them for them getting flustered/affectionate?

6switcher basically bullies them 24/7, and Ziggy likes to playfully make fun of Joe for getting super flustered, often after doing something intentionally to make him flustered

22. How do they apologize after arguments?

I think Joe overapologises and overexplains a lot (now im thinkin Ziggy would do the same as well. but especially Joe), but he'd also default to baking something for them. I think Ziggy would just come and wrap their arms around Joe after they've had an argument

23. Do they like pick up lines?

They both see pick up lines as kind of cringe and would use them as a joke/bit! I think they both don't get why anyone would use those kind of things unironically

24. What are their favorite places to kiss on their partner(s)? What are their favorite types of kisses?

Zig likes to kiss Joe all over,,, but their fave is the very tip of Joe's nose, like it just makes him completely melt every time. I like to draw/imagine them also kissing him on the forehead n cheeks a lot. I hc space kickers as having patterns on their skin, I think Joe finds Ziggy's really really pretty so he likes kissing each of the lil spots and stuff on his shoulders and arms and stuff sniffle... ye

25. What is their dream home? Do they buy a place together? Who plans the decorations and who does the heavy lifting?

When they first meet and are long distance they both dream of living like,, anywhere together. I think they're pretty happy in Ziggy's little apartment, but eventually I imagine them moving to Joe's planet (because he missed it a lot) in a lil house and maybe running a kids football academy or smth! Idk exaactly what the interior decor is like but probs like,, cozy and full of plants n sunlight (projecting my dream home dreams onto them lmfao)

26. Do they have any pets or kids?

They have a cat and a fuck tonne of plants

27. Who would propose? What would their wedding be like?

im so unsure of which 1 would propose to the point where im considering the sappy gay relationship trope where they both propose at the same time!!! Whoever proposes, I think they'd do it outside live house ogu where they had their first kiss for sentimental reasons... I think Joe especially would want to get married bcs he has like,, no family or anything after running away from the basement (before he reunites w his mum), and he'd see getting married as a big part of leaving his past behind him and also becoming part of Ziggy's family! I think their wedding would have a mix of both earthling and sk traditions (whatever they are), space gramps would officiate it, 6switcher would be the best man and idk. gay space marriage (old art below)

28. What’s something that reminds them of their partner(s)? Do they have anything on them daily as a reminder (a photo, phone background, tattoo, clothing/accessory, etc)?

before they live together i think they know where each others planets in the night sky are and they look out for them every night, and probably also swap clothes so they can feel closer to each other! Joe has an old film camera that his dad stored in the basement and he takes pictures of em as lil mementos :)

29. What is something they can never agree on? How do they meet in the middle?

They spend a lot of time deliberating about whether to move back to Joe's home planet and maybe disagreeing on that! Joe misses it sometimes and has family/friends there, while Ziggy's job/football team/friends/family are on their planet. They compromise by makin lots of visits before/after they move I think, idk. I also think they never agree on like, how hot the room should be bc theyre adapted to diff temperatures lol

30. Free space! Say something about this ship that you want to say!

im SOOOO normal about them they make me ILL!!!! and ive learned like 90000000 art things just to draw better pics of them!!!!!!! and they bring me so much genuine comfort!!!!!!! as an extra thing I think they'd speak mix of each other's languages to each other

thanks for reading this far and thank you anon for enabling me

[tea-and-secrets]

when i get especially depressed or dysphoric it all bubbles up in the form of internalised transmisoginy™ and bitterness towards the trans community and i end up thinking/saying really horrible things about other trans girls. never, like, to them, i'm not that terrible, but like... just saying awful stuff like "oh god my worst fear is that after transition I look like the kind of trans girl i see selfies of on my timeline." and you know, when ive said that then anything else i say venting about dysphoria inherently also comes with the implication that it's an insult against how other tgirls look... and, like, i come out of it eventually and just go "what the fuck was i on, all these girls are pretty" but it's really horrible, these depressive episodes can last for weeks at a time, and the negativity perpetuates them and makes them last longer, and every time i feel like a traitor to my community.

even outside of "terrible person" mode, i feel like a traitor (or at least an outsider) in the community just becauase I really don't enjoy being trans. Everyone else seems to be having fun with it (and when they're not the complaints are about soceity's treatment of them, not about being trans itself) and im just here like "idk what game you guys are playing, but this fucking sucks. im miserable." It makes me really sick of seeing trans positivity posts.

but then it's a thing where it's like, any trans positivity post rings hollow to me, but at the same time trans negativity posts (mainly talking about transmisoginy and how it affects us) jsut makes me more depressed and can likely send me into another depressive episode. Ugh.

I can understand if you dont wanna post this one. sorry.

.

[gelataisa]

I'm not delusional, right? When I read other people's thoughts about Squalo and xanxus's ship, they say that it is not real 🫠, and if it was real , it would be one-sided, which are Squalo's feelings🥲, and it is just a relationship between Boss and his captain, who admires his ambition, but I feel that it is illogical if that is the case? There is something beautiful, but they ruin it, but if what is between them is not real, especially xanxus’s feelings for Squalo, this will not become beautiful, but rather a nightmare. Squalo’s interest is clear, but xanxus does not, and this is what makes me not sleep, and what do you think about xanxus’s feelings for Squalo? I don't want to be delusional lol.

I want something that eliminates my doubts so I can live in peace😔helppp

My dearest anon, finally I have the time to answer you. This ask has not left my mind since you sent it, im sorry it took so long.

At the same time though, I am glad it took so long cause i can answer you calmly.

Your ask really angered me. And dont get the wrong idea, none of that anger was directed at you.

There are many layers of wrong in what you reported on your ask, and i'll try to adress them properly. Under the cut cause its gonna be long (and i hope i wont bore you) - i will answer your direct question in the last point, in case you want to go straight to the point. But for real, there is much to unpack here.

We have people bashing you for a ship that you really like, to the point you think that you are delusional. And that is fucking nuts. Every ship is legit. Every single crack pair and rare pair is legit. Cause we are all losers who spend their time thinking about puppets kissing. There is no higher ground to stand on. And this applies to ships that we see no fucking point in as well. And i am not saying this as a person that loves any ship. I am the pickiest shipper ever. And i am not a good person either, there are many ships which i loathe. Yet, i have the decency not to go to the people who ship such ships. If i complain it is privately and with the right people. If i dont like a thing i block (and i have blocked people because of what they ship). Everyone has the right to see only the stuff they want. No one has the right to make others feel bad for the stuff they like.

Personally, i firmly believe that there are ships and ships. And I hope i was not too italian saying that. the point is: i think some ships are basically written in the source material. That is to say, regardless of whether you pair the people romantically or not, the dynamic is deep, complex and (especially) apparent. You dont need to add much of your own to make it work. Other ships, on the other hand, need more work to be "justified", to gain substance. They may require filling in a lot of gaps, or looking at details scattered in the story. Now, both kind of ships have their own dignity (as per point 1), we dont get to choose the things we like. Still, i believe that at the same time we allow anyone to enjoy their thing while we enjoy ours, we need to also realise that some ships have more substance in the source material than others.

I know that the first two points may seem unrelated to what you asked, but i needed them for now. ive heard many the complains you have mentioned in your ask. and they angered me particularly cause usually they are brought up by people that try bring forward their own ships, and that know to do so only by bringing "competitor" ships down. I know you have not explicitly said so, but i believe its whats going on in this case, and it makes me incredibly angry and - honestly - sad. I believe that people that do this realise their ships are not as solid as XS (or some other ship) is (back to point 2), so they bash on it to advance their own. This is what angers me. Now, what makes me sad is that while doing this they also terribly mischaracterise the characters to the point they are not themselves anymore. Indeed, what a pity

Now, about XS: most of what i think of them i have said here. And about Xanxus, as you asked... one thing is clear: people that say that he does not care about Squalo have not spared one thought for him. And if they have, I am sorry, but they have not understood a thing about him. Xanxus is a very complex character. His most apparent trait, once you read the manga, is that his actions most of the times dont reflect his thoughts. and what he thinks is masked, and very well so. he was raised with the pressure of expectations, and hardened a lot because of it. he wasnt allowed to show any weakness, or maybe it was just himself who got convinced of it. but any feeling he has, apart from his anger, he suppresses. it took him one whole arc to express his motivations (and i dont even remember how much of his past was revealed to the cast) and to show emotional weakness. it took him 10+ years to defend his family and show he cares, and even then, he still didnt admit that he accepted Tsuna as tenth. after 10 years. How could anyone expect him to show love for someone? Or that he cares for anyone? That is the only gap you need to fill in XS, a gap named "Xanxus Vongola and his multiple issues".

To conclude, my dearest anon... you are right to say that there is something beautiful. Dont let anyone ruin it for you. And especially, surround yourself with people who share your interests and dont even look at those that try to bring you down instead. You deserve better than that.

And i know im not the best one in interactions, whether it is answering asks or messages or else (thanks anxiety and constant exhaustion) but i truly am glad when people interact about xs. You are more than welcome in my inbox, or if youll ever want to add to my posts and reblogs. to build a xs community is my dream on here, i hope ill have the energy to do so

[omensgate]

what is your opinion on the gourm? (As a character, not as gameplay/a campaign)

<this is YOUR invitation to send me asks about anything>

i REALLY Like gourmand as a comforting and kind presence, however it happens that if i quantify a character as generally "good" i have very few things to comment on about them past that (unlike with bad or angsty characters where theres much more to say with regards to the numerous tragedies in their lives). i actually struggle to think about or write them because im not sure how to maintain helpful positivity that isnt like, the pinnacle of perfection and introspection while also not being self conscious- the next chapter of dark matter ive penned up features gourmand and, well... the chapter hasnt come out because i just feel wrong writing them (but i always feel bad in any circumstance that im writing slugcats interacting like people). i just imagine its nice but not perfect. as noted before gourmands reality makes me cry like a baby. its just nice that you can exist as an intelligent and passionate animal with a group that you care for and that cares for you.

i will comment on something that upsets me under the cut. i really hesitate to say anything slightly discourse tinged because i dont want that energy here, but since im asked i will mention this;

when i first saw rain world after downpour came out, i wasnt terribly eager to get into it, because what i had seen in cursory searching such as on youtube had troubled me. with the dlc newly out and only gourmand, then artificer being unlocked with the game nudging you to choose gourmand first, most of the jokes people were making, because it was easy, was THIS SLUGCAT IS BIG, FAT, AND FUCKING STUPID! just dozens and dozens of thumbnails like LOOK AT THIS STUPID CHONKER! its died down in recent times, but i tried watched a video recently (.. like a month ago) and had to stop because they started to detail the slugcats, but when talking about gourmand would NOT stop saying this lazy sack of shit, this stupid overweight obese slow idiot, and its baffled me. utterly baffled. gourmand is the smartest of the slugcats as said in the description past supernatural means with its expanded tool use. its enjoyment of food is expressly for appreciation of the world and allows it to open its mind with the comfort and stability of being well fed and not fighting for scraps. its body allows for immense combat prowess unparalleled. its exhaustion mechanic really is not that bad if you are conscious of it and patient. its weight is nothing but a boon and representative of some deeper aspects with regards to intelligence and its story. im aghast at how prevalent fatphobia still is, but past youtubers shit for brains most people ive seen here have been respectful at least. thank god