#i dont think its perfect but im so glad I was able to get past the first few hurdles cus oooooh boy | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cynettic · 4 years ago

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hi, i hope i'm not bothering you, but i can order a Scaramouche × Kitsune reader, the two met before the vision hunt (and before he was a fatui if you want) the reader was always in the same place, sometimes having a conversation , the good old routine, but with the hunting of visions the reader disappeared not wanting to give up his own vision, and years later a reunion, SFW or NSFW is by your will, thank you, I really admire your work

Summary - Scaramouche met you as a child, growing up with the constant assurance that you would be right there, sitting at your spot where he could meet you with every visit. He isn't happy when you suddenly disappear.

Pairing - Kitsune!Reader x Yan!Scaramouche

Warning - Slight Yandere warnings?

Penpal - Ahhh- hope this is what you were looking for. I couldn't find a spot to put much nsfw unless I considered writing more for the series ( I could, just put a request in if thats what you’re looking for ). But I hope you liked it!! You're not bothering me at all and I'm glad you like my work!

A/N - Alright- so considering that with the 2.1 update with Scaramouche coming in, I just wanna state beforehand that I wrote this prior so I dont know if we learn about his backstory or anything!!

Link for Part 2

Stay With Me

Scaramouche was used to the routine he’d found himself going along with every visit to Inazuma. As a child he’d pass through the wild fields that stretched just beside his hometown, adventurous and curious with all the tenacity of a child.

And of course you, a kitsune that sat perched on the ground awaiting the Kitsune Saiguu, was bound to notice him. Unlike the other earth kitsune statues, you hadnt turned to stone during your wait. Instead, staying in the same place did you interact with travellers and the locals, which included Scaramouche.

“Fox person!” The little boy chanted, pulling at the hems of your clothing. Bright blue eyes bore into your own, and you slowly shifted your head to pay attention to the boy who was on the verge of bouncing on you.

Humming in reply to his excitement, the little boy paused, both of his small hands still tightly clasping the fabric of your clothes. Soft matted hair brushed past his face in a messy manner, calling out the boy for his boundless running and rebellious urge to keep his hair messy despite his parents wishes.

“Play with me!”

Staring at the boy only a moment longer, you simply chuckled at his antics. “I’m afraid I cannot move from the spot in which I dwell~ Perhaps I’ll be able to entertain you if you bring cards?”

But the young boy had made up his mind at the statement to which you couldn't move. A pitiful frown enfluged his face as he cast you the nastiest glare a five year old could muster. “Boring!” He shouted into the distance of the fields, dramatically turning on his heels and bouncing up into a sprint away. You watched his small figure fade away into the background, absentmindedly sighing and returning to your mindless thoughts.

As a child, Scaramouche would pass by you fairly often. Frequent when he asked you to play with him, and storming away with the same expression when you denied him. Nothing out of the ordinary, you’d lived for an exceptional amount of time, and even though grumpy children were not your specialty, you’d grown accustomed to their behaviour.

Growing up, Scaramouche got no better. You soon noticed his violent tendencies before they became an issue, the way the children shied away from him when playing Temari. Hiding in front of a tough exterior, he scared them away and laughed, approaching you later with tearful sob.

“Will you play with me?” He asked again, trying to hide the fact that he still wept when the other children pushed him away.

But your answer stayed the same, helping him wipe his tears and coaxing him into your arms. Not the first time you’d made contact with a human, but the first time you held them in such an affectionate manner.

It was clear Scaramouche was beginning to see you as some sort of pillar of reassurance when he began running away from home to simply ask to be held. You always welcomed him with open arms, urging him to head back to his household and sort things out. There was no harm in simply providing love and comfort for a child who received none was there?

“Now now, hurry back home little one. Your parents must be growing awfully worried if you’re out by this time at night.”

“My parents dont care about me!”

Darkness slowly pooled into the fields, an obscure shade covering the two of you from the tree you were under. Biting back form your normal emotionless statements, you pondered for something to soothe and convince the boy. Misunderstandings and hardships were normal from what youd seen with children, and you could only offer your hand on his shoulder, a promise. “Go back, I promise to stay here if anything further happens. But you shold give them another chance dont you think?”

And so he’d sprint back to his hometown, and you wouldnt hear from him again till he ran up right up to you a few days later. Begging you to play a game with him. The normal you supposed, and with a grin that seemed to stretch wider with every day, you told him the same thing you told him every single time.

“You cant move?!” Scaramouche nearly yelled one time, tiny fists curling at his side. “Thats… thats stupid!”

“It is isnt it?” You only smiled in response.

Unsatisfied with your response, he clawed your arm, pulling you with all his might. Strong, you realized with surprise that he was much stronger than most children his age. Easy enough to tug away from, but strong enough to take you off guard.

Snapping your hand back to your side, you narrowed your eyes. You weren't angry… no, you hadnt felt strong feelings like that after the disappearance of the Kitsune Saiguu. “Do not attempt to move me,” was your curt response, said in the most stern voice you’d used with the boy.

He’d looked at you only a few seconds longer before bursting into tears, turning away and running. You didn't feel regretful for defending yourself, only turning once more with a tired sigh to stare at the distance.

But just as you stayed ageless, Scaramouche grew older. Still, crossing each others pass was inevitable when you sat in the plains, just alongside the path that lead to his hometown.

With a permanent scowl that seemed to stain his face, he still seemed to have mature a tad bit. Maybe hadnt improved in the social department, because he now scared children and adults and alike, but more mature…

“Hm? Whats this?”

Once again, sitting criss cross under the large tree that provided the perfect shade on sunny days, you stared at the boy expectantly. His hands hesitated at your question, but he resumed shuffling. “Cards,” he simply said in response.

A small featherlike feeling flitted across your chest, making you feel lighter and… almost ticklish. A small smile crossed your face, and you recognized the emotion to be one of adoration. For him to have remembered words you’d spoken years ago, it gave you a warmth you’d sorely missed. A warmth akin to watching him and the other children grow up.

“Ew, dont smile like that, its creepy.”

Swatting at his head, he frowned further when you laughed. “You’re more mature,” you pointed out, lazily leaning back. “You need to work on your people skills though, as someone who hasnt moved in years, thats pitiful that I know more than you.”

“Shut it!”

But as he grew up, you hardly got to see much of him. He’d reached your height and then fully disappeared, leaving no goodbye. And much as you hated to admit it, you hardly noticed, not when days passed in a flurry. You were used to being by yourself, entertaining the kids and greeting the people that passed by.

Sometimes, there’d be the reminder of the warmth he’d given you. But it was quickly overshadowed by your duty to remain seated in wait for the Kitsune Saiguu. A dedication kept in its earnest, but beginning to dwindle.

Inazuma was beginning to change.

“The vision decree…” you repeated, staring at the traveller who’d mentioned it to you. “Care to elaborate?”

The new archon threatenening to take away visions from every inhabitant of Inazuma. It was preposterous, so much that you didnt move. Your vision meant the world to you, but so did the Kitsune Saiguu. You werent sure just how you weighed the two till you saw civilians passing by you, ones you recognized, ones that didnt recognize themselves.

It was snowing, cold snowflakes melting into your skin while your hair soaked in the water. Unflinching, you hummed to a little tune, awaiting someone to pass you so that you could attempt to strike a conversation of somesort. The unnatural weather distanced all who entered the field though, and you simply waited. For the Kitsune Saiguu, for someone, or for some form of entertainment, you didnt know. You Slowly closing your eyes, you decided not to care.

“Im gone for five years and you’re still sitting here like a dumbass.”

Eyes snapping open, you find yourself face to face with a complete stranger. Dark purple hair with dark blue eyes, piercing and dangerous in a way you dont recognize at all. Fancy clothing that you cant identify or put a name on.

The boy took a step towards you, crouching down to stare at you directly. His eyes scanned over your figure briefly, and he brushed the snow out of your hair and ears with one flick of his hand. In the next, he was offering a coat to you. “Take it, you’re probably getting cold.”

You leaned forward, ignoring the coat he offered you. Gently, you raised your hand to brush the hair from his eyes, centred on the way his pupils widened. Offering a small moment of surprise and one glimpse into the small childlike blue eyed wonder he was. “Kiddo,” you breathed, pulling your hand back and scanning him once again. “You’ve grown.”

“And you havent.”

Snickering at his comment, you took the coat. You didnt need it, but he looked like he didnt either. He was already wearing clothing that kept him warm, and with careful observation and an untouched coat, you settled on the fact that he’d brought it here. Brought the coat here for you.

“Still havent improved with those social skills of yours have you?”

He scoffed, letting himself fall back till he was sitting fully. “I dont want to hear it from someone who refuses to move an inch for years. Lazy ass.”

You open your mouth to retort, but instead laugh at his comment, shaking your head. “Gained some humour on your journeys have you? Bad words too it seems. Anyways...” He had sat down, which meant that he meant fully well to sit, chat, and catch up. That familiar warmth filled your chest, a contrast between the cold snow. “Welcome back.”

It wasnt often that Scaramouche visited Inazuma, but when he did, he was sure to visit you. The two of you would sit down for hours, talking about the most trivial topics. He never mentioned what he did in his time away, and you never asked.

But things began to go downhill when news of the vision decree finally took action.

“Its no joke anymore! The Raiden Shogun has taken custody of almost a hundred visions!”

In that moment you made your decision, weighing your vision over the Kitsune Saiguu. Awfully selfish you knew, but you’d spent decades sitting there in wait.

And for the first time you sat up from your position on the ground, clumsily stumbling upright but gaining balance. It takes a few steps until you’re back to normal, and you begin your journey in order to escape the Raiden Shogun’s vision hunt decree.

_-_-_-_

You didnt expect to see him again.

Long grass tickled at the skin of your legs, making you adjust your footing to no avail. Sun slowly descending past the mountains to mark the start of an evening and the soon approaching night. A normal day of exploring the mountains and islands of Inazuma, observing the constant changing situation, and running away from the vision decree like a favourite past-time.

With the exception of a firm grip on your wrist.

Dark purple like hair, same hate brimmed eyes and lavish clothing. You recognized Scaramouche the moment he had appeared, looking just as surprised as you were. That being before he snatched your wrist and snarled, “You.”

You wouldve considered it pure luck to find him, an unexpected reunion with someone you actually remembered. But no, his tone had some predatorial edge to it that had you cringing. Hard. “Yes, its me.” You answered back with a frown, trying to loosen his hold. “Nice to see you too, is something the matter?”

He only seemed confused at your words, pulling you closer.

“Something the matter?” He asked as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Well, to start, you’re not sitting at your damn spot.”

Taken aback for a moment, you wondered if that sole fact was what drove the boy to such lengths. Surely he couldn't be so troubled over the fact that you moved… “The vision hunt decree, I'm sure I mentioned that I was sticking around in wait for the Kitsune Saiguu. I decided to wander around and avoid the conflict until I could settle back.”

“You could’ve waited for me,” he stated almost instantly. “I could have protected you.”

You felt your brows furrow quizzically. “Wait for you? Why in the world would I-”

“Why wouldn't I?” He pushed you closer till he could fully grab both wrists, taking a step closer as if his words would resonate clearer in your head. “You took care of me as a child, it would only be fair for me to repay the favour.” But he only seemed to be looking for excuses. “And besides, you can't just up and leave… I didn't know.”

Before you could interject with the obvious answer that he didn't need to know, you stopped. You’d lived decades, nearly centuries if you’d kept count, and you had learned to read people's expressions even when you’d stayed away from them for so long. He didn't know. It hit you in the most unpleasant way that he wasn't aware that it was none of his concern. To him, you were just another thing he needed to keep track of, something he had control over. His face basically screamed, ‘I depended on you to stay in that place.’

Deep breath in and out. You’d lived long, longer than him, you could deal with a child throwing a tantrum.

“Don't worry,” you gestured to the vision ta your side. “I'm strong enough to protect myself, I appreciate your concern, but I’ll be back when the vision decree ends.”

Unconvinced, he pulled you closer, just until your faces were mere inches away from each other. “No,” he said in a stern voice. “I’d rather you by my side, where I can protect you. I hate to question what you’re capable of, but you’ve been sitting down for as long as I’ve known you for.”

“I’ve lived decades more than you,” a simple reply, hopefully enough to get by him. You snatched your hands back with ease, ears flinching slightly when a cold breeze swept past you. But you stayed firm, not wanting to look vulnerable against the imposing air he had around him.

Still unconvinced. “You’re coming with me.”

“No I’m not.”

You’d known him as a kid, watched him grow up along with all the other small ones in his hometown. And maybe you admit you cared a smudge bit about the warmth he gave you when settling down to play cards, but he was different. He had changed in the worst way and you weren't about to deal with it.

“So you’re not coming with me voluntarily?” He asked softly, taking a small step to which you responded by stepping back. He had his hands up, as if telling you he wouldn't hurt you. But the way he said voluntarily sent shivers up your spine.

“No.” Hand on your vision, you held your own hand up threateningly.

He took his time when tilting his head, taking a deep breath in, and then appearing in front of you in just a short stride. Too quick to react, you hesitated before you could attack him. You didn't want to hurt him, he was still a child in your eyes, and you paid the consequences for that. He slid his hand just along your neck, and a jolt of electricity seemed to thrum inside you just as you collapsed in his arms.

Scaramouche was quick to catch you, hoisting you up into his arms dearly. “I do hope you’ll come to understand,” he said softly, cradling your unconscious form in his arms. Making sure not to crush your tail when carrying your legs, he looked past the mountains, sigh resting on his lips.

Because Scaramouche liked to have control of the things he held dear. Like keeping all your valuables neat and tidy in a closet, he was happy knowing you were safe and stable in that spot you always sat on.

And he couldn't have you moving could he?

#genshin impact #genshin headcanons #genshin oneshot #genshin fanfic #genshin scaramouche #genshin scaramouche x reader #scaramouche x reader #genshin impact x reader #cynshealthysfw #genshin fluff

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ganondoodle · 2 years ago

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Hey, I adore your artstyle mate, I loveeee all the vivid colors and the fact that most of it lacks lines?? You doing the hard stuff, but it paying off 💜

can I ask, as I’d like to get into comic making, how long does it take you to finish a a single panel?

Hi!! thank you very much!! drawing lineart is incredibly frustrating to me so im very glad i was able to make the jump to mostly lineless artwork, tho im very much still at the beginning to learn how to do it xD

to answer your question, i .. cant say really, it depends on what is on the panel, and i always jump around when working on a page, i draw half of the very last panel, then jump to another, maybe i see something i want to change right away and work on the third besides i ... dont know anything about panel composition, i think in movies so i play it and try to pause it on a frame that could work as a panel, whichs is probably why it goes alot slower than normal comics, idk how much to skip gndfjknvgfdjk

im by no means an expert in making comics, you kinda have to find your own way of what works for you, i have done many in the past but all failed, i gave up before getting even one chapter done many times

general advice i can give you is, most importantly, dont wait, i know its daunting to start, but you have to start, even if you dont think you are good enough, you will always change and improve anyway, better start now or you might do it never, and remember, when a page is done its done, i know how tempting it is to go back and redo it, but if you start with that it will only lead to an endless cycle of remaking it over and over

a cause that made me abandon my old projects, was partly lack of support/recognition, but mostly that i was forcing myself to things that werent fun, like one i made in black and white bc i thought you had to do it bc color takes too long, but i live for colors, so it drained the fun out of it immediately

the only "rules" i have set for myself is that its understandable, the flow of the action doesnt flip around too much, speech bubbles are aligned in a way that guides you (of course im not perfect at that either and always learn); i dont jump between pages, i jump between working on panels, but i dont start another page before the previous is at least acceptable, otherwise id get ahead of myself and get impatient, just wanting to skip ahead and neglect older pages; and that i only work on a panel/page as long as it has acceptable quality and is fun to draw, when i notice im getting bored or frustrated i finish it quickly as best as i can and move on, otherwise it might drag the entire project down, which is why each panel or page in 'Destiny' varies alot in quality

i can barely look at the first pages .. or even at the last one i made for that matter, but its also fascinating, how much my art changes within even one update which takes me about a month for 4 pages, since i have set my 'fun' rules at least, it used to take much longer (i wish i was faster, and i could be, but i have a job, and have to look out for my health, both physically and mentally, so i take whatever time i need and draw however much i feel like drawing, no rushing)

my progress so far is that i write a rough script, what happens, what dialog, where it ends, and so on, it doesnt have to sound good, god knows mine are shitty xD but its a good guideline, even if rough! then i make a rough draft, basic panel layout, dialog (it always changes fro mthe script, again its more liek a guideline than a rule ;) ) then i start with actually drawing the first page, my art and way of .. art and writing changes incredibly fast (idk if its for the better lol) so .. by that point i redraw the rough draft version of the page if i see how it works better, rewrite dialog too, and even cut stuff from the rough draft

im not done with the first chapter (im slow af lol), but wrote the script for the second one when my hand was injured and i couldnt draw for a month, once im done with this chapter i will draw the rough draft for ch2, then write the script for ch3 then go and draw ch2 fully, at least thats the plan the more time passes the more i know what the next chapters are gonna be, tho i know the important points long before; right now i have the entirety of the first arc sepeareted into chapters, and the end of it all too, but between there its still a lil blurry and im adjusting everytime i think of soemthing better

anyway, sorry for that long ass ramble, its late and i thoguht about this ask bc im trying to get my want to draw back (not feeling well rn nkfdnkd) so i randomly decided to answer it .. probably in the most unhelpful way possible, alot of stuff noone aksed for lol

anyway, sorry, and goodnight uwu

#ganondoodles answers #i hope i didnt sound too preachy #or soemthing #idk im not good at giving advice #..and my way of drawing changes so fast #whenever i explain sth it usualyl changes right afterwards #and man that feels shitty #like im lying to people #:(

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tonberry-yoda · 2 years ago

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it is midnight and that means its saturday so i am here for my matchup 🤭 in all honesty i have been wanting to request one from u for so long bc i love the way u write your matchups loll, but ANYWAYS! could i pls get a haikyuu matchup? i go by she/her, im straight nd i’d like a romantic matchup 🫡 so im like 5’2 i think, dyed black hair (goes a bit past my shoulders and my natural color is brown), brown eyes, and i have a lot of freckles on my face. i have my septum and both sides of my nose pierced along with a few ear piercings.im an ambivert so how i act definitely depends on the environment im in but with the right people im very outgoing (very chatty lol). but my social battery also gets drained v fast so after big social gatherings i need some time to recover (usually recovering = taking a long nap). i get really snappy if i my social battery is drained so the whole recovery thing is v important lmao. i am also a very sleepy person, my friends like to joke that im chronically tired lmfao, i take naps almost every day and if im in a car, sitting down in class or doing something like that i probably will fall asleep. i cannot control it T_T i also trip, run into things, drop things, etc. all the time. my house could be dead silent and then out of nowhere u just hear a crash and “what the fuck” yea thats me sorry 🤫🤫 i also like to tease ppl a lot, not in a flirty way more like in a provoking way (i cant flirt i have 0 rizz). moving on!! some things i look for in a relationship r someone who can be patient with me and dont mind reassuring (if they do it without me asking its 100x better). i love when show theyre thinking abt me through little things like “oh i was at the store and i saw your fav candy so i picked it up” or “i saw your favorite flowers on my walk home and thought of you” id cry. also someone who isnt afraid to show they care (not in a sense of like pda but moreso they arent too prideful to do dumb stuff like dance with u at 2 am in the kitchen). anyways my type! they dont have to be like 7ft tall but maybe 5’9 or 5’10 +. i like funny guys but not funny at the expense of others. i also really like guys that are able to actually respect me as a person. i pride myself on being really smart and mature (when i need to be lol) and i genuinely would not be able to stand someone that saw me as any less than that. OK MOVING ON! hobbies/ interests! i love music. so much. music is my creative outlet and how i express myself. i annotate song lyrics. i connect with music through personal experience its just so so important to me. i am learning how to play the electric guitar so i can connect with it even more. my favorite artists rn are the 1975, mitski, ptv and sleeping with sirens:p although im always open to expanding my music taste!! i also like to play some video games(obsessed with animal crossing lately lol). aand my love language is words of affirmation. sorry if this is really long T_T and if you dont get to this no biggy but if you do tsym!<3

WHEN I TELL YOU THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD THIS MORNING LMFAOOOOO. and that little note at the beginning is so sweet! i am so glad i am able to do a matchup for you anon!! okay, so i have a perfect little dude for you, but it may be random so bear with me. i love this man, so i hope you do too!

the character I chose for you is...

KEISHIN UKAI!!!

OKAY

HEAR ME OUT!

ukai is flippin hot

i would love to be in your shoes

(he's my fav haikyuu character besides tanaka, so you're lucky frrr)

he would love your piercings

he's a piercing fella himself (he's what made me want to get my second ear piercings lmfaoooo)

like he thinks it's high key hot

he's also an ambrivert, so both of your personalities match up really well

he is totally understanding of your drained social battery (plus, he gets the same way) so he'll just let you nap while he works or leave you alone if needed

WILL 100% TAKE NAPS WITH YOU

like will hold you in his arms and nap a whole day away when he gets the day off

you will always knock over things in his shop and he'll just laugh or wait for you to pick it up while dead staring at you lmfaoooo

he'll definitely know if you walk in when he hears a whole ass display get knocked over

he thinks it's cute when you tease him even if you say it isnt about flirting, his dumbass thinks it is which is fine by you so you can tease him more often

the real reason i picked this guy is because of what you said about him bringing you things that made him think of you

like this man will roll up with a chocolate bar and shove it in your hand with a pile of chips shoved in his mouth and say "I thought of you today at the store and grabbed this"

he doesnt see it as much, but you are over the moon about it

when he finds out about how much you love it, he will keep doing it

he is very patient and caring for you and literally only has eyes for you

he also always gets you to laugh, which always makes his day

please play music for him

he will have heart shaped eyes if you do

he will 100% play videogames with you, but you have to teach him how to play half of the time lmfaoooo

he will always tell you how much he loves you and how pretty and amazing you are frfr

if you go to any of his practices or games when he is coaching, he will brag about you

(i am so sorry this took so long i forgot it was in my drafts. i hope you love it nonetheless though!!!)

~~~~~

matchup rules --- pinned post

@tonberry-yoda

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technowoah · 4 years ago

Text

Cant Handle This

Quackity's facade keeps breaking, and he tries to keep the pieces together. You're the only one who can make him show his true self

- Quackity x gen neutral reader

- this is a long one yall.

Now playing...

Can't Handle This (Kanye Rant)

Bo Burnham

0:01 ─●──────── 3:29

⚠︎ swearing, angst, mentions of mcyttwt, based on the song above, and ofc its not proofread

Part of my Inside Special!

Quackity sat in his chair currently streaming right now, he seemed like he was having a good time from your spot on his bed. You were currently laying on his bed after he invited you here to relax.

You two had laid in his bed just enjoying eachothers company until he got a call from Tommy saying he was ready for the lore stream which sent Alex into a frenzy. Alex sent out a quick "Im sorry" about the lateness of his stream and then quickly set everything up.

He then started to stream which left you alone on the the bed to your own devices. You were scrolling through Twitter looking at Alex's fans talk about what's happening on the stream and posting screenshots of his character and himself.

You admired him from afar as he ended the lore part of his stream, he took time to type on his phone to text you that he decided to stream longer to talk to his fans. He looked to you and you have him a nod with a smile and he gave one back.

"Hey guys! That's the end of the lore!" He exclaimed to his chat as he types at his computer setting a new background.

You continued to listen to him praise his chat for supporting him and making him be able to make those types of streams. You were always proud of Alex no matter what he did, you were always his number one supporter no matter what happened in reality or on the internet.

"So anyways! I wanted to talk to you guys! How are you all?" He smiled at his camera looking back and forth from his chat.

◇T0mm71nn1t: THE STREAM WAS SO GOOD QUACKITY

"Oh thank you! Im glad I could share this with you. It takes so much to put into these movite type streams, so I know now it is all worth it."

Quackity's pov. . .

He felt so overwhelmed, he shouldn't have began to stream again. The stress of putting everything together, plus being late to the stream made him rush into it more. He just wanted to lay back down with his lover who was enjoying watching him stream, and that's the goal he wants. His goal was to entertain, it was his job and he doesn't want to fail, he doesn't want to crack.

◇Mayatooni3: WE LOVE YOU QUACKITY

◇catiiequak: QUACKITY ITS MY BIRTHDAY CAN I GET A HAPPY BIRTHDAY??

◇yriaaolic: 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

"Happy Birthday!" He said seeing the comment pass in a second. "Happy Birthday to anyone who's Birthday it is today."

Right now it was hard. It was hard to keep up when there was always a constant demand, the constant need to be perfect, his past being brought up, and trying to one-up his content everytime. He loved this, but at the same time it had the same weight as a job.

In the back of his mind he knew the "When is Quackity streaming???" is mostly lighthearted, he never wants to leave.

"Quack are you okay? Im fine! Just thinking about how to get something to eat at 2am." He laughed lying to his fans, he wanted to stop this stream.

He kept looking over to his lover lying their head on his pillow scrolling through their phone and alternating their vision from him and their phone. He always caught a glimpse of their small smile everytime he looked. He was doing something right.

"Do yall think Taco Bell is open? The only problem I have is that Im fucking starving."

He paused for a moment taking a deep breath trying to keep his emotions down. The stress was getting to him, and he fucking knew it, but he didnt stop. He was going to get burnt out eventually and stop streaming and YouTube all together, but he needed this. He needed a break, he needed to take time for himself and stop putting on a happy face when he isnt.

TTS ◇pulixsaxe: "Did you see what was happening on Twitter quackity?"

"Wait what's happening on Twitter?" He asked with a weary laugh.

I can sit here and pretend like my biggest problems are

Pringle cans, and burritos

The truth is, my biggest problem's you,

Your eyes widened as he mentioned Twitter. Truth be told he was trending because of his stream, yes, but also they brung up stuff from his past again in the wake of another content creator's past or present being brought up. You hadn't paid attention to that, you were only getting fueled up from Twitter bringing up an issue that he already had addressed.

Tempted to speak and tell him its fine, he already spoke up before you.

"I bet it's fine! I dont wanna... I don't need to look." He said with a smile. He always had that smile on.

Either it was a full smile or a half smile. It never left his face and it comforted you somehow. Maybe it was that you were his significant other, but you always wondered if anyone saw the same things as you. The things like his smile that never left his face.

"Yeah! I dont need to look at that." He waved his hand dismissing the comment away. He then sighed letting his shoulders relax as you saw his smile fade and his eyes close for a second and immediately put that small smile back on his face while his eyes were glossy, but bright.

He needed to end this stream soon. You saw his face fall then in a split second come back to life except his eyes were glossy with tears. You wondered if anyone else noticed.

"I want to please you

But I want to stay true to myself

I want to give you the night out that you deserve"

His eyes tearful as he tried to blink them away trying to not make a scene.

"Sorry! Allergies ugh!" He said as he wiped his tears away claiming them as allergies.

"Are you crying? No! Im not a pussy!" He yelled at his chat in a joking manner.

He was crying and he felt weak. He felt emotionally weak, and weak as in not strong, he didn't feel strong and his lover who was sitting on his bed with a concerned look on their face always told him that it's okay to feel weak. The only meaningful thing is how you pick yourself up, they always told him, bur now he felt at rock bottom.

He wanted to give his fans "himself", the goofy, lovable, loud, quick-witted, Quackity. But then again his lover always told him to separate Quackity from Alex. He wanted to give himself to his audience, he wanted to be authentic and share himself, but he cant. Alex isn't all laughs, he is serious, calmer, and when he gets on the screen is when he lets it all out then goes back to his more calmer self. That's not what they want.

"But I want to say what I think

And not care what you think about it"

Giving himself meant dialing back, he wants to tell how hes actually feeling, he wants to say what he thinks about Twitter, what he thinks about certain friends, about his fanbase, and then leave it alone. He wanted to delete social media and then speak his mind without knowing what anyone is saying about it. It was paradise to him, but of course it cant be that way and that's what he hates. He feels like a actor when he really wants to be himself.

"A part of me loves you,"

Alex loved his fanbase, he had such a supportive fanbase that loved his content. Some of them did atleast he didn't fully know, but they gave him the courage to do this time and time again knowing that his content is at least taking them from the harsh reality of real life for a few minutes or hours. This was the reason he did this, for them.

Alex would never admit this but they boosted his ego too, it would for anyone. The fact that there were people who wanted and enjoyed content from him made him feel good about himself.

"part of me hates you"

He hated the contant criticisms, he hates that they feed his ego so much that it makes him want to stream more to feel good about himself and to make people get away for awhile. Alex knew inside of his heart he couldn't truly hate his fanbase, they gave him everything he ever wanted. He hates them for that and that's such a scary thing. He never fails to wonder if he did the things to deserve all the love and hate he gets.

"Part of me needs you,"

They feed his ego, they make him want to go above and beyond. Alex knows that his fanbase is the reason he is here in this chair infront of three expensive monitors. He knows that this is some sort of a job that he needed. He needed the push to keep going and that was them, it was the 200k people watching his stream watching him answer questions about him and

"part of me fears you"

He was fearful of loosing himself to them. Loosing his authenticity to them was something he feared. He didnt want his funny, loud persona to consume him and make him forget about Alex instead of Quackity. He fears what they think as well, he claims he doesnt care, but he does he wants to please them. It feels like two parts of his brain fighting about if he should care or not.

"And I don't think that I can handle this right now"

The text-to-speech bot continued to speak out people's comments that theu paid for while he sat there quietly. He bit his bottom lip trying to not break down infront of everyone he needed to be strong. He needed to be strong.

If he looked up at the camera everyone would see his tears, they would see him breaking.

He played it off as he brough his shirt up to wipe the tears away, claiming it as sweat.

"Im good! Im sorry I spaced out for a second." He shook his head.

He saw you look at him with that same concerned look on your face. As he switched his gaze between you and his computer, he felt his tears come back again.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"Alex." You tried to get his attention.

"Yeah guys Im fine!"

"Alex"

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"I have plans later for another lore stream, so Ill start doing that later tonight."

"ALEX!" You yelled and his head turned around to face you.

"What?" He laughed, biting his lip again.

You couldn't stop him doing this, you could try to course him into going to bed, but right now you couldn't find the words. You just stared at him while he looked at you with a somber smile trying to tell you that he was okay.

He felt his mind telling himself that he need to rest. He wouldnt allow himself to and thats why he was breaking down.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

Alex was blinking rapidly trying to keep his breathing and tears at bay while he answered his fans.

"My allergies are fine! And I drank water today."

◇moonchild21: WE LOVE YOU

◇sopusand: Why do you look like that?

◇wuackityoo: are you crying??

"Crying is for the weak! I am a strong manly man! Im crying cause I noticed how alpha I am!" He tried to play it off as a "Im a man" joke but you could see right through it.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

You had sent a quick text to Alex which told him to end the stream for his own mental health, but he left the message unread. He began sniffing and the wiping his eyes again. It was a wreck and you couldn't seem to stop it without literally dragging him out of his chair.

Meanwhile the screens were getting to Alex. Alex's eyes were getting tired of the bright screens and the rapid messages that popped up on the screen overwhelmed him for what it seemed like the first time ever in his strraming career. He wanted to give them the fun night they deserved and wanted, but he knows it's getting hard to. He dosent know how long he can keep this up.

As Alex kept joking around about his eyes and physical state the chat was filled with "LMAO" and "HAHAHA" which fuled him more and then at the same time makes him want to stop.

Look at them, they're just staring at me, like

"Come and watch the skinny kid with a

Steadily declining mental health, and laugh as he attempts

To give you what he cannot give himself"

He cannot give himself the luxury of happiness. As he went on with his career it became more and more like a chore, there was mostly down days and of course there were up days, but recently Alex gave his fans the happiness and laughes they wanted while when he turned off the camera he couldn't replicate that same energy as he had before.

It messed him up, he felt himself become separated from his streaming. He wasn't being himself anymore he was being Quackity and that became more apparent as the days passed. He wanted to be himself on camera and at first thats what he thought he was doing. He was himself then it turned into a persona.

Alex wasn't okay and he he needed to take a break from the internet for a while, but he tries to act like he dosent have a dilemma going on inside of his head everytime he sits in this seat. Its for the fans.

"Think that I can handle this right-

I don't think that I can handle this right-

They don't even know the half of this right-

They don't even know the half of it"

"Alex you need to end the stream. Please?"

He looked towards you again where you moved your position from the middle of the bed to sitting up on the end of the bed.

"Ive told you millions of times." He paused for a moment looking down at his lap before looking back up to you. "Im-Im okay." He nodded trying to convince you.

"But I know I'm not a doctor, I'm a pussy, I put on a silly show

I should probably just shut up and do my job, so here I go"

"Cant you belive them!" He laughed to his camera. You scoffed at his comment but still kept an eye on him as he talked.

You didnt need to baby him at all, but right now you were worried about your lover.

Alex continued talking and talking, which you drowned out. You were focused on his face and how he faltered time to time just showing a small frown.

He laughed and showed them a good time even though he was hurting. He kept going and going and you were convinced he was going to hold out until you heard him sniff multiple times while trying to make a joke about the new Minecraft update and how the glow squid has no use.

"Stupid ass squid! Why- why? Its no use expect for glowing ink. Who voted for that!?"

You can tell them anything if you just make it funny, make it rhyme

And if they still don't understand you, then you run it one more time

"Dumbass squid!" He pulled up a picture if the squid as he yelled at it.

You began to worry even more as you saw tears running down his face. He quickly tried to wipe them away, but he knew everyone saw.

Handle this right

You don't even know the half of this right now

Right now (Haa!)

Now

Handle this right

I'll handle this right, I handle this right now

Alex leaned back in his seat and had a blank stare towards the monitor. Looked down for a second and then you heard sobbing coming from his spot. Alex had his head in his hands and was crying harshly into them.

He had finally broken, he couldn't stop the tears from coming and the loud sobs that came from his mouth. He was trying to desperately breathe in to be able to sob, but ended up hiccuping while doing so.

Your eyes widened as you rushed to him resting your hand on his knees and you kneeling infront of him.

"I cant do fu-fucking anything!" He yelled into his hands.

"Hey! I know. Its okay." You tried to console him.

"Its not I try so hard! And I-"

You cut him off. "You are a hard worker Alex and you deserve a week or two off. Take care of you self babe." You stood up bringing his hand with you and trying to make him stand up. He followed your movements and stood up with you putting his head on your shoulder crying into it.

"I just ca-cant right now!"

"You dont have to do anything right now babe."

"Im sorry!" Alex sobbed.

"Dont be." You said bluntly trying to get your lover to calm down.

You rubbed his back soothingly as he sniffled into your shoulder. "Im sorry for ruining your shirt." He tried to laugh through his tears.

"Dont be sorry! Please. You just need rest okay?" You kissed his forehead and he nodded in response.

Alex raised his head up an started to pepper kisses all over your face as you laughed. He gave you one last peck on the lips as he walked away to quickly change into night clothes. You smiled as he laid underneath the covers and continued to softly cry into his sheets. At least he was in bed and not makijg himself even worse.

He couldn't stop the tears from flowing, it was like a flood that could only be stopped with time. He felt like a boulder was lifted off his shoulders only to be replaced with smaller rocks. The smaller rocks was the guilt he held. He felt guilty of making his lover worry about him, he didnt want you to worry.

You rushed over to his desk and turned off the stream and his computers not even bothering to give them a goodnight or goodbye. After the computer lights were turned off it was quite dark in the room except for small light.

Finally you were where you wanted to be all day, in bed with Alex. But this wasnt the predicament you wanted.

"Forgive me. I just cant do shit right can I?" His eyes were still full of tears and he was getting tired.

"Alex dont listen to anyone but yourself." You tried to console him.

"That's what I'm telling myself."

Silence filled the room as you looked at him through tearful eyes of your own.

"Alex, you're so amazing and I cant even tell you how much I appreciate you, and how much you change my life. You do so much shit right its scary sometimes. Some days I think you're perfect, but there's-"

"There's no such thing as perfect." Alex finished your sentence.

"Exactly! Even the best people have their downfalls, they just dont show it. And Alex I know you struggle with that! All I can say is that I love you for you." You finished.

"Can I talk to you about my dilemmas?" He tried to laugh again.

"Tomorrow we can talk. We both need the rest." You said to him as he closed his eyes and nodded in response. He gave you a kiss on you lips before laying back down to sleep.

"Thank you."

"Thank you

Good night

I hope you're happy"

TRENDING

ARE YOU OKAY

10.1k tweets

QUACKITY

20k tweets

ARE YOU OKAY QUACKITY?

13.7k tweets

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ghostiex0 · 2 years ago

Text

@lunarian-writings;

im pansexual and i go by she/her/they/them, some of my hobbies is sketching out character designs, daydreaming to come up with stories, gaming, and i dont know if this is a hobby, but even though im an introvert, i always love to get to know people better and exchange some stories (the more stories the better! i tend to listen more than talk). one of my interests is learning about religion and everything around it - i just find it so fascinating to see so many different views, then theres the thought of travel and learning about different cultures, its just a whole new world out there! Then I also love to listen to music - my headphones are on a lot to listen to songs, it helps me day dream and come up with ideas while also helping me keep focused (though sometimes I end up going too far into the deep end and wander off in my head). as for what i want in a relationship, the two most important things to me is loyalty and lots patience - i went through some bad stuff when i was younger (car accidents and all), so I really want someone who is able to handle my impulsiveness and can get me through my dark times. Another thing though is that the other person needs to realize I dont always need to talk to let them know I'm having a good time, me being quiet is probably me just enjoying myself a lot, but the last thing I really need in a relationship is independence which leads to what i dont want in a relationship, clinginess. too much of it can really put me off, but besides that? anything is fair game. :) some things that attract me to people is them knowing other languages and have their own cultures - that just interests me so much and it just gets me. oh, and them actually caring about my feelings, and spend quality time with me to show that they actually care, ya know? :D

Romantic: Gustave ‘Doc’ Kateb

Everyone loves this French doctor, but he would love you more than anything! <3 Gustave has such a charming vibe to him so when he likes someone, he knows all the stops to pull. He has plenty of stories about his normal life and his work life but he loves listening to you talk far more than himself. He’s such an attentive lover that you’ll never have to worry if he loves you or not, even with the space. He’s glad you’re okay with independence, he needs that in a partner. He’s almost always working. It would kill him to have a lover who’s hurt by that. Gustave thinks your love for music and daydreaming is cute. It’s an endearing and rather healthy coping/calming mechanism. If you ever think it’s becoming a problem though, he’s more than happy to help you figure out better ways to comfort yourself. And with being a doctor, he knows the perfect ways to help you through hard times, “I’ll always be here when you need me, mon amour.”

Platonic: Sanaa El ‘Nomad’ Maktoub

Sanna has always loved traveling and seeing other cultures! She has so many things she would love to talk about with you. A big struggle of hers is being viewed as a spoiled rich girl, with someone like you who likes to learn and see past the surface, she’d be able to feel comfortable and truly grow a good friendship! She’s also a great gateway to making other good friendships within Rainbow.

#r6s #r6s x reader #rainbow six siege #headcanons #r6 doc #r6 nomad #matchups

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tobi-momo · 4 years ago

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The Third Set

PAIRING: Tsukishima Kei x Reader

GENRE: Romance | Pining | Fluff | A lil crack (kinda)

WARNINGS: not proofread | a lil ooc and soft at the end (pls dont get mad at me 😭😭)

WORD COUNT: 1k+

A/N: hihihi ok so this idea literally came to me while reading another fic (i cant remember it now im super sorry) and it wouldnt leave my head so i couldnt NOT write it yk? pls keep in mind that it gets rlly soft at the end and really out of character😭 i just hc that does affectionate things during an adrenaline rush, like he's too hyped to care ab what going on around him he just wants to see you, and so this is basically where that came from kasjkhasd- also this is not meant to be spicy at all whatsoever (although some remarks from the others are made that way when you read) its supposed to be romantic and lighthearted, so pls dont think its that sexual😭 also thank you @awmahleebkg my wife for giving me the confidence to post this i love you baby <333

Watching Kei play was one of your favorite things to do. Sure, that might sound a little sad, but watching him and his team working together on the court was something that you wouldn't miss the world for. Until an away game came along, it taking place somewhere farther than they usually are, and since you weren't a part of the team, you couldn't take the school bus with them. So, you took the city bus. He might have told you not to, he might have told you to wait at your house for him to return and tell you about it, but you couldn't help it. This was an important game, and you needed to be there and support him.

He was nervous, although someone who didn't know as well as you wouldn't be able to tell, you were always able to see right through him. Always able to tell when he was nervous or scared, even intimidated. He found it annoying, that you were always there for him, confused as to why you dedicated your time for him, but years after your first meeting he realized that he would do the same for you. You didn't know that his heartbeat the same way for you as it did for him, and he sure as hell didn't know that the reason you stuck by him all these years was to feel that exact heartbeat next to yours.

[3:37 P.M.]

Kei <3: Stay home, y/n

Y/n: but it's an important game! i want to cheer you on!

Kei <3: I'll tell you what happens after I get home if you really want me to. But stop whining at me it's annoying.

Y/n: 😠😠 let. me. go.

Kei <3: No.

Y/n: i hate you so much

Kei <3: Sure you do

You wouldn't listen to him, of course. Why would you? You get your bag ready to leave, filling it with snacks and water bottles to help the team out.

By the time you snuck in, it was half-way past the second set. Tensions were high and sweat was dripping off their jaws while they gain each point. You made sure to stay a little quieter, not wanting Kei's attention to be drifted away from the game, especially since you weren't supposed to be there. By the time they won that set, they were tied with the other team. One more set left, things are getting really heated.

The score remained close to each other throughout the game, Karasuno being two points away from a win with their opponent three points behind them. Watching Kei as he looks at the floor with frustrated eyes, obviously mad at himself for not doing better. He frowns, taking a sip of water so no one sees it. You can see a slight tint of fear in his eyes- he was scared of losing the set. Although all you've seen were blocks of perfection, even a couple spikes that hit the court floor aggressively, points going towards Karasuno once more, he thought he wasn't doing good enough. You knew he was amazing, everyone in the room knew it too, so why didn't he?

He jogs back on the court after a timeout from the other team, getting into a serve/receive position, waiting for the ball to come over the net. The server on the other team hit the ball over, sending it straight to Nishinoya, who receives the ball perfectly, passing it to Kageyama. Backing up into the set, Hinata runs behind Kageyama, surprising the blockers on the other side of the net when Hinata smacks the floating ball down with his might. Instead of the ball hitting the floor, the left-back position receives the ball at the seam, shanking it towards the audience.

Another point.

The crowd goes wild and the air tightens as the scoreboard raises. You bounce on the bleachers and stomp your feet in excitement, knowing that this match would be over soon.

Kei exhales sharply at the whistle, relief, and nervousness seeping out of him. He can do it, he thought. Only one more point. When the ball passes him to the other side of the court, quickly moves to the right side of the net, jumping and completely regretting his decision once the ball hits the floor. He watches the ball trail off in shock, the whistle suddenly getting too loud for him. He grits his teeth in defeat, thinking that it would be over for them. His head faces the ground, his hands are balled up in fists. That's when you decide to take initiative.

Inhaling a harsh breath, you stand up putting your hands on each side of your face before yelling out to him.

"TSUKISHIMA KEI!!!"

His head whips from the floor, his eyes widening once they find yours in the big crowd. You stand out- to him at least.

"DON'T GIVE UP!!! YOU GOT THIS!! LET'S GO!!"

His pupils dilate at your figure cheering him on, suddenly wishing he hadn't told you to stay home. He didn't know you were there, or how you get here in the first place, but he was glad you came. He wanted you there. His shocked expression turned into a smirk of confidence before he turns back around and goes to his position. The whistle blows once more, telling the server that they can go. He refocuses on the court, watching the ball and everyone near it, analyzing everyone's movements and predicting where the ball is going to go. The big spiker on the other team runs towards the net with his approach, swinging his arms back, ready to slam the ball down as Kei quickly beats him to it, jumping and raising his arms on top of the net in defense.

The ball smacks the floor of the court.

Kei's eyes glow when his feet touch the ground again.

They won.

He tries his best to catch his breath, heaving once his teammates trample him on the ground. You scream in victory, jumping up and down, sprinting down the bleachers to the team, them welcoming you with tight hugs and cries of joy. Electricity coursed through Kei's veins, adrenaline making his sight clearer, his hearing less muffled and his breathing a lot clearer.

You see Kei on the other side of the court, getting up and steadying himself on his feet once you two lock eyes. You run towards him with a fast pace, him reciprocating as his legs speed up toward you. You jump on him, clinging to him as much as you could when wrapping your legs around him, digging your head in his shoulder. His hand immediately grab the back of your thighs for support, helping your body balance on his while you tug on his neck.

You praise him, telling him how proud you were of him picking himself up and being the best, telling him how amazing his blocks and spikes were, how amazing he was. You could hear his breathless laughs of joy, a genuine smile painting his face when you subconsciously pepper his face in firm pecks from your lips, showering him in sweet affection for his win.

"YOU DID SO AMAZING KEI!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! THAT WAS SO COOL!! YOU SHOULDA SEEN YOURSELF OUT THERE! OH MY GOD THAT WAS- THAT WAS PERFECT!! I KNOW YOU WERE DOUBTING YOURSELF A LITTLE BIT BUT YOU WERE AMAZING THE WHOLE TIME I MEAN-"

Your words muffle when his lips crash onto your- a rough, exciting kiss that has you moaning in his mouth from surprise and desperation from wanting this for the longest time. Your hands slide up from his neck to his cheeks, palming them and pulling him closer while your lips disconnect and reconnect rapidly, not being able to get enough of each other. His hands subtly, but firmly squeeze your thighs while you tilt your head, giving him the chance to kiss you deeper. The amount of emotion going through your bodies, desperation, love, excitement, impatience, relief, mixing with the adrenaline in your system's causing your worlds to finally collide and mix.

"What are they doing?"

"I don't know but I feel like I'm interrupting something"

"I think they're the ones interrupting"

"Just let them have this one, guys"

"They are literally about to do it on the court how am I not supposed to feel uncomfortable, Suga-san?"

"Aw, these lovebirds are finally getting together, I knew it would happen"

"Liar, you bet they wouldn't!"

"Tanaka-san! You weren't supposed to say anything!"

You couldn't hear any of the banter in the background, your only focus was him, and his only focus was you. And all the team could do was watch.

pls i know this was rlly ooc im super sorry

taglist: @combat-wombatus @hitosushi @toosharkinternet @alpha3113 @flattykawadoorusmilkbread @solar3lunar @zerohawks @katsuhera

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thisdreamplace · 3 years ago

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ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

#eiypo

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shhh-no-ones-home · 4 years ago

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through the green glass door (*) loki laufeyson x reader

+++++++++ Guess who watched the first Thor movie 😁😁

(*) - leads to smut but it doesnt go all the way. but like, its super suggestive lol

Song: lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off by panic at the disco

@cynic-spirit +++++++++

"do you have any idea what the consequences will be if i get caught?!"

i exclaimed as quietly as possible, my three friends giggling as they huddled around me.

"y/n, youre the most agile person we know. and we've all been dreaming of the fruit off that tree for ages. please."

Lenore said and i rolled my eyes.

"if i get caught im taking you three down with me."

i said, gripping the tree bark on the outside portion of the wall.

"we believe in you."

she said as i began climbing. i couldnt believe id let them talk me into this. but they were right, we had all been wanting the fruit off this tree for a very long time. it was forbidden to any outside the palace walls. something none of us had ever or would ever have the pleasure of enjoying. until now i suppose.

"im at the top."

i called back down to them still on the ground. they all cheered and clapped, jumping up and down as they giggled. but i wasnt triumphant just yet. i could see the tree, barely touching the branches of the one i was in. just over the garden wall.

"youve got this."

i whispered to myself, stepping as lightly as i possibly could towards the wall. there was a creaking and i paused, taking a deep breath. it was fine. this was fine. so i kept going, jumping onto the top of the garden wall as the edge of the branch snapped. i took a staggered breath, still hidden within lots of leaves. but there, like a light in the distance i could see the golden fruit. i plucked one off the branch, its smell as it got closer becoming sweeter and sweeter.

then i saw another, plucking it too and tossing both to the ground below. there i saw the three of them, rushing over and picking them up. i grabbed another that was close enough to reach and dropped it down, so each of them could have one of their own. they all celebrated with happy noises of content as they devoured them. as i looked back up to grab another fruit i noticed there were none left nearer to me.

"drat."

i complained, seeing one of the golden fruits just past the wall, barely out of reach. i knew i shouldn't be greedy but i went through all this trouble, it would be a shame to not have one for myself. so i stepped further, to the edge of the wall. i found a branch sturdy enough and planted my foot on it. i took one step, then another, and so on until i was nearing the trunk of the tree and the fruit i had seen from the wall.

"finally."

i whispered, plucking it off the branch and sinking my teeth into it. it was just as sweet as it smelled and i was glad i had continued on my journey over the wall. that was at least until i took one wrong step, another branch breaking under me. then it was one branch after another, falling straight on my face in the grass below the tree. i groaned, lifting my head and my eyes going wide. there in front of me was a pair of black leather boots.

"um, i can explain."

i started, looking up and pausing again. there in front of me was the young prince, holding a book in one hand and a pear in the other, looking just as surprised to see me as i was to see him.

"im sure thats one hel of an explanation having dropped from the sky."

he stated and i moved to my knees quickly, bowing in front of him.

"yes, my prince. i am truly sorry."

he laughed and i looked at him confused.

"please, stand."

he said and i did as told, bowing my head.

"i have not seen you before."

"my prince?"

i raised a brow, watching him as he leaned against the tree.

"where do you come from?"

i cleared my throat.

"outside the palace my prince."

he laughed again.

"do you think me an idiot?"

he asked and i stopped breathing.

"of course not, how could you? you are but a peasant."

then i drew my brows.

"now you wait just a minute! i may not be of noble birth but that does not mean you will disrespect me. arrest me, for all i care, but i will not be spoken to like a-"

"relax."

he said and i stopped.

"relax?!"

he shook his head.

"what is your name?"

i opened and closed my mouth a couple times. then i inhaled sharply.

"y/n."

he stood off the tree, tucked the book under his arm, and offered me his hand.

"well y/n, i am of the impression that you are in need of a new dress."

i looked at him funny before looking down at my outfit. i was dirty and my skirt had torn when i fell out of the tree.

"you arent going to arrest me?"

i asked hesitantly and he smiled.

"i am not."

he said and i slowly took his hand.

"my prince i, i dont believe-"

"you dont need to believe, just trust me."

he said and i nodded. i followed him blindly inside, walking openly past the guards up the stairs and down a long glimmering hallway. it didnt necessarily feel right, but something about him made me want to keep walking. to keep following him.

"my prince-"

"call me loki."

he interrupted.

"um, loki, right. uh where are we going?"

he squeezed my hand before pulling me into a room.

"my chambers."

he said and i froze, the door closing behind us. then out of nowhere a woman appeared, bowing her head.

"bring us one of my mothers old dresses. my guest is in need of some new clothes."

he said in a suave tone, the woman walking past me and out the door.

"i dare say, my prince, i am not worthy of wearing the queens garb."

he looked at me and smiled, pulling a chair out from under a small golden table and sitting at it.

"i think she would disagree."

i smiled back in amusement and joined him at the table.

"why are you being so nice to me?"

i asked and watched as he took a drink.

"it has been a long time since someone has been able to get over garden wall and not get caught. i admire that."

i raised a brow.

"so you like that im mischievous?"

i questioned and he smirked.

"exactly."

i made a small noise of disbelief.

"i should have guessed. the midgaurdians call you, what, the god of mischief? it only makes sense you would like someone sneaking into the palace garden."

"my lord."

i heard from the door and both our gaze turned to the girl, holding a blue dress.

"ah yes, a perfect choice."

i watched as he took it from her, shooing her away afterwards. and then he started towards me, making me more curious.

"for the lady."

he said, offering it to me and i smirked at him.

"care to help me put it on?"

i made a face, realizing what i had just asked and almost couldnt believe myself for being so bold. but part of me also didnt regret it. and i couldnt help notice the knowing smile across his face as he led me to his bed. there he laid the dress out and moved to help me.

"a bit intrepid for someone who believed me to want to arrest them."

i looked over his face for a moment.

"theres something about you i cant get off of my mind."

"and that is?"

he asked, stepping behind me and undoing the top op my dress slowly. i just stood and stared ahead as he did so.

"though i know we could both be in large amounts of trouble with the king if he were to find out i am here, i still feel like i can trust you."

i said, looking at him over my shoulder and we both examined each other. his face was soft. softer than before. and the golden light peaking in over the terrace railing made him look more ethereal.

"i can trust you, cant i?"

i asked and his gaze shifted down my face.

"you can trust this."

he said calmly before capturing my lips in his. it was gentle and i could feel my heart knocking a my rib cage to be let out. i was kissing the boy prince. the heir apparent. and gods did it feel great.

"loki."

i whispered when he pulled away, looking between his eyes for any reason not to trust him and coming up with nothing.

"do you still wish for my help?"

he bargained and i nodded.

"i wouldnt want anything else."

it was said in such a hushed tone im sure no one else would have been able to hear it had they been in the room. i stood there as he stripped me slowly. He began with finishing the top of my dress, letting the lacing down and pushing the fabric down off my shoulders. as the dress pooled at my ankles i was left there in my sark, a small shiver traveling up my spine as his fingers traced up my arm.

"may i?"

he asked, placing his other hand firmly at my waist, tugging at the fabric. i swallowed hard, almost feeling like i shouldnt be doing this.

"yes."

i said quiet and bold.

"you are quite the woman."

he noted, pulling the sark up over my head and dropping it to the floor with my dress. i should have felt more exposed standing there naked but my back was still to him.

"Thank you my prince."

I said with some form of sincerity. He kissed my shoulder.

"I told you, call me Loki."

He whispered into my ear, sending goosebumps over my skin.

"Loki."

I half moaned, leaning back into him as his hands found their way to my hips again.

"May I touch you further?"

He questioned and I nodded against him, feeling his hand trail up my torso painfully slow. He kissed across my shoulder, up my neck, and onto my jaw before spinning me around swiftly. I gasped at the sudden movement, looking over his face as he stepped closer to kiss me properly. When he pulled away I noticed his clothes had also vanished, gone in a flash of green.

"May I make love to you?"

He asked, barely gracing my lips with his own.

"Please do."

I whispered against him before kissing him, again and again, until my back hit the soft silk of his bedding.

#wattpad #x reader #Loki Laufeyson #marverl #imagines #one shots #342 #loki #smut?#idk not really but kinda #smut

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wygolvillage · 3 years ago

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002 shanoa 👀

how i feel about this character: i think everyone knows by now! shes my absolute favorite, she is literally me, shes my dear little meow meow, shes amazing and the best written castlevania protagonist, etc etc

all the people i ship romantically with this character: tbh mostly just laura. theyre just... so perfect together. i do have some weird random ships where its just like "what if she kissed (random other lady from an entirely different cv game)" but idk if those count really. she and laura are basically canon anyway and they really cant be beaten...

my non-romantic otp for this character- well albus is the obvious choice here since ooe is basically about their ~tragically beautiful sibling bond~ lol. i do have a lot of thoughts about them and how much they clearly care about each other, how even when shanoa was basically transformed into something unrecognizable and turned against him, albus still went to the ends of the earth just to make sure she would get to live and be happy... 😭 how albus gave up everything he knew, everything he had, just for her 😭😭😭 man its been almost 2 years since i first played ooe and its still so emotionally effecting

my unpopular opinion about this character- im not sure what the POPULAR opinions on her are to be honest, shes a pretty overlooked character so i dont see a whole lot of hot takes on her or anything. there is an exception, i (obviously) dont agree with the notion that shes bland or boring. her deadpan personality can actually be quite comedic in contrast to some of the sillier interactions with the villagers which i think people kind of overlook.

one thing i wish would happen/had happened in canon- just a short little scene at the end confirming that she went back to wygol after the castle crumbles. its the obvious conclusion i think and its always so weird to remember that it never actually happens in-game lol. but the village really is her home after everything transpired with ecclesia. the people there care deeply for her and would be glad to welcome her and rescuing the villagers/being exposed to viewpoints and supportive people outside of ecclesia is, subtextually, what allows her to eventually see past all the lies shes been raised to believe, at least in my interpretation... the village is important to her arc thats all and i think it would be the perfect conclusion <3

my OTP- shanoa/laura of courseee i love to imagine what it was like when shanoa came back to her and was finally able to give her a smile and i just. aughhh Them <3 i love the ways their personalities contrast but dont clash. and laura clearly just loves her so much its very sweet

a crossover ship- idk i dont do crossover stuff a lot! ik some people ship shanoa/miriam but i just think they'd be friends tbh. maybe thats my unpopular opinion actually

a headcanon fact- all of my headcanons are facts she has trouble remembering things even after regaining her memory and her mind can be a bit foggy sometimes

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pridewhatpride · 4 years ago

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ok so I read your view on GX rivalshipping and how things would get messy when johan shows up because I was curious about another GX rivalshippers opinion, and holy you and I have the EXACT same thoughts.

Ive went on and on about how manjoume as a rival (and as someone who could have had the ability to support judai) was tossed aside as soon as johan shows up + turned into the comedic relief chara and nobody ever really knows what the hell im talking about LOL. a big thing for me is just how DIFFERENT that would be for manjoume as well? in the seasons before johan shows up judai is so clingy towards him, always busting into his room and being in his personal space...

then mr. buff arms big smile shows up with his frilly lilac blouse and homo dragon and suddenly judai is like. smitten. which like youve pointed- out who could blame judai? johan is hard to hate and hes kind of perfect in every way. I always imagine what that would do to manjoumes self esteem in particular, because as we all know it IS a bit fragile at times, especially when it comes to being the best he can be.

I think having johan around would make him feel absolutely insignificant not only as someone who LIKES judai, but even just as judais friend. is he really so horrible at being a support that judai needs a stranger to lean on? even though he never asked for judais help much, is he really such a burden when he needs to be saved? why is judai acting like hes never been able to connect with manjoume, who can also see duel spirits, before? whoever said opposites attract obviously havent seen judai and johan! thoughts like that.

I could go on and on but I dont want you to have to read my 2746373 word long ask about them. id love to hear any thought or analysis you have on GX rivalshipping because its my favourite and the shippers are so rare, so I encourage you to post them whenever you feel like it!

Dear anon.

You can't ever know just how happy receiving this in my inbox made me. I can't fully express how grateful I am at the simple fact that you read my long rambles and reached out to me. I respect your anonimity if you want to keep it, but honestly, DM me whenever, if you want to. I think I'd like to talk to you if you're comfortable with it? I really do want to read your "2746373 word" essay on them. For the rest of my life.

I might get a little personal in terms of my view on this, so just... be aware.

The thing is that the way Manjoume is cast aside is just... a big fear of mine. "Sure, we might be friends now, but I'm not all that good and you know it. You won't mean any harm by it, but you'll find someone you like better and I'll be alone again." That kind of line of thought is probably something that goes through Manjoume's mind? He doesn't really... have friends outside of Judai. Maybe Fubuki. And Daichi? Except he disappears into nothingness very quickly. But that's it. And he certainly had none before that: just lackeys who pretended to like him because he was rich and perceived as promising. He lost that and suddenly found himself isolated.

It's nice to think that he bonded with the other members of the gang, but... he didn't. Shou certainly never really stops disliking/making fun of him. You could say it's meant as like... friendly teasing. But it doesn't read that way because there is nothing to indicate actual affection. Kenzan, Aster and the transfer students just... barely interact with him? Like have they actually ever spoken to eachother? I doubt it. Ryo is just the admirable upperclassman. Again, barely any interaction. Asuka is... a mess I don't want to get into, but again, she would probably file a restraining order if she could.

So yeah. Manjoume has one friend and the taller and cooler guy just kind of takes that away. Of course Johan is not aware of this! He wouldn't have been able to do much to change it, either way. It was Judai's own choice and that's what hurts the most, to me.

If shifting the focus and making minor changes to canon is something you like to do, here's a thing I think about a lot. "Teardrop", the Season 3 opening, except it's what Manjoume feels when seeing Judai's suffering and desperation. You know.

As you hang your head and smile, a single tear lands on your cheeks

You pretend to be strong, but underneath You’re hiding sighs; your smile is cloudy It sticks into me Like shattered glass

It’s OK to talk about the pain in your heart

Your smile Has always saved me You can cry now I’ll stay here with you

I can't bring myself to blame Judai or Johan for it, but I think Manjoume- if he'd been written like an actual character past a certain point- would have been quite devastated by this.

As you said, it's not just being abandoned, it's also being indirectly told that he was never truly someone worthwhile, that he is little more than extra weight. What of his supposed status of equal rival and all that? Nothing. Judai is just... on a different level than him. So Manjoume is simply left to stagger behind in a desperate attempt to chase after greatness. He wasn't good enough for his brothers and Judai stood up for him. But in the end he wasn't good enough for Judai either.

I like to think that Manjoume made an effort to get along with the others. He just didn't quite know how and couldn't just... switch off his more prideful persona. And he ended up paying quite the steep price.

I know I'm extra melodramatic when it comes to my favourites, but it's something that bugs me. I understand why the manga decided to approach Manjoume's character in a completely different way and it's the reason why I like to read Manjoume's personality as a mix of manga and anime canon. I really have to mention this- how can one even pretend that the writers gave a shit about Manjoume when they joked about how stinky he was in a scene that could have been... emotional in some way. Judai frees Manjoume from the influence of the Society of Light by reminding him who he really is (I don't want to talk about Kenzan being too strong to be manipulated because that is fucking stupid and besically the equivalent of saying "ahah, the light got you because you're not strong willed enough @ Asuka @ Manjoume. Get rekt"). And like... great! They are actually showing off how much they care for eachother as friends despite the rivalry! But no. Judai ends up basically saying: "You smell and your coat has stains on it!" and Manjoume's just: "Oh yeah, I'm goth I hate wearing white, nvm."

... I swear someone on the writing team looked at Manjoume and went: "Let's bully him!" Ugh ;; Can you tell I'm hyper biased towards Manjoume yet?

This was hilarious to read, by the way: "mr. buff arms big smile shows up with his frilly lilac blouse and homo dragon"

But yes, this mess is now officially over. I will be spouting gx rivalshipping nonsense left and right because we were robbed of their dynamic and I'll never get over that. Also I really want to draw them, so that helps.

Ending this post by saying that this ask made me feel like I didn't waste time writing all that, that someone can get something out of it. I'm really glad.

#ygo #yugioh #ygo gx #yugioh gx #manjoume jun #jun manjoume #chazz princeton #judai yuki #yuki judai #jaden yuki #gx rivalshipping #marry me platonically anon #i will kill for your happiness

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wolfcrunch · 4 years ago

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Why is it so hard for this Fandom to accept that Izuku has issses with his self-worth? That almost all of his problems, his flaws, stem from that? I thought this last arc highlighted that really well what with him not caring if he dies if he takes down Shigaraki as well. And him saying who cares if he can't move and is in pain because Todoroki has it worse. We even have All for One lay into him calling him worthless not once but twice (in the same manner as Bakugou derived his nickname from). And the most obvious example being Izuku himself telling himself not to be the worthless Deku of the past. Like yes, Izuku has always been kind and wanted to save others but his low self-worth because of his past has exacerbated that to an unhealthy extreme. Him losing his arm or getting punched or getting into a fight isn't going to make him realize that he matters. He needs to be told that people care about him and not because of OFA. That even if he had defeated Shigaraki in that moment, if he had died as a result, that isn't a win for anyone who cares about him. Someone please give him the love and validation he needs and deserves. Because all that's going to happen when he wake up is him feeling like he wasn't enough, that he doesn't deserve OFA and that he needs to get stronger. Repeat cycle. Man, not even bringing in the possible ramifications of danger sense and what that will do to him. Anyway, so sorry for this long rant! It's just been bugging me for a while. Hope you have a very nice day :)

i totally get you... thats why im glad horikoshi laid all that out in the war arc - deku’s self esteem issues and his view of himself and how he considers himself only a vessel for ofa, not truly able to properly move past his own past. because its all going to come together, and he’ll come out on the other side stronger.

i say this as someone who wants him to lose an arm, both because its been hinted at and because i think generally it would be cool - chopping off a limb wont give deku the character development people think it will. it wont immediately make him stop being reckless. things will be worse before it gets better. so many people in this fandom have this... vision of how they want the story to go, and get upset whenever it doesnt follow their way, because it isnt their story. we saw a lot of it with the war arc, which imo even despite the things i could complain about, was still one of the best shonen war arcs i’ve seen, and im glad it was horikoshi who wrote it. many of these people’s idea of ‘consequence’ is just wanting specific characters to suffer, without giving a thought about how their character would further progress.

people dont want to accept that deku has self worth issues because it means they cant blame deku for his character being that way. they have to accept that other characters like bkg, and the society they live in, instilled that in him. they have to accept that everything they sprout about him being perfect or mary-sue is wrong, and they’ll have nothing worthwhile to complain about when it comes to his character.

or maybe they simply cannot read. im not surprised with either.

#asks #Anonymous

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crepuscollo · 3 years ago

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you know how in a relationship, communication is key? well everyone communicates differently; different love language, anger management, sadness outlets, bad habits, ways of telling u theyre upset.

you have to learn how to love everyone you meet, not just expect it to HAPPEN; thats why in the beggining, after your honeymoon phase, you SHOULD be fighting. dont be surprised. ur right on track. youre getting comfortable, thats good. youre starting to let the other person affect you, thats good. youre not falling out of love, youre even more in love, that you probably dont know how to be around each other.

im writing this to talk about how im oh-so exhausted of trying to understand blue. and if this develops, itll stay that way: me, trying to learn how to love him, and trying to teach him how to love me. ill be exhausted, and itll wear me out, and hell stop making me happy. im glad i realized this now, and not when its developed... that is if it ever does...

if November 9 by Colleen Hoover taught me anything, its that love can grow in the most unexpected of places, it can even take 6 whole years. im always worrying ab the slowness of the progression of "us" because i cant go one second without thinking about him. so i want him every second. but in the bigger picture, its not that slow. especially consideirng we arent fucking friends. yet? i hope. i have hope that this can still happen.. its not slow.

anyway, things went too fast for my first time, and we were too young, so it all fell apart. a classic story of "right person, wrong time". it makes me wanna scream- no, thats an understatement- makes me wanna rip my heart out and feed it to a toad, so that it dies a slow death.

TL;DR: I hope the person i fall in love with is someone who teaches me how they wanna be loved, and tries to love me best they can. because if udw learn to love me, i wont be able to teach u. and if u wont teach me how to love u, i wont be able to learn. and we wont be able to stay in love.

"in love" holy shit. the number of things that that can mean... to be in love. "im in love" "were in love" can u even imagine? i cant imagine it. i hope its as perfect as ive imagined it. maybe my expectations are too high. i think thats whats gonna break me and blue... my high expectations, and his expectance of my failure bc i failed him before.

tbh, if i know what to look out for, then it shouldnt be hard. we can fix it. we can perfect it. we can be a movie. love is always enough if the effort is mutual. imagine being in love but not being together? just because you cant move past your differences? youll always be waiting for the other person to come back, its impossible to move on like that. like lorelai and christopher. like ross and rachel. like in the notebook. my heart aches for these love stories.

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eagehaunting · 4 years ago

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Mystery March 2021 day 4: Storm

Thank god Arthur let her borrow the van while he worked today. It made it so much easier to load up her small apartment and ship it to their new home- and in only three trips! Vivi bounces lightly in the drivers seat, glancing around and checking over the van one more time to be sure she got every box inside. Who knows how much stuff Arthur had to pack. He had his tools and his cork boards, along with his mattress and television... it would probably take them three-to-four trips at most. Knowing Arthur, they would probably be smushed together in the front seat because he’d pack the van to the brim!

There wasn’t a single box left, mind for a hanger or two. Perfect! Vivi starts the van and eases herself out of their new driveway, and hurriedly begins to drive down the road.

Thankfully Kingsmen’s mechanics wasn’t too far. Vivi leans over the wheel to take in the dark, heavy clouds that began to circle in the last hour. It shouldn’t take too long to get everything in order, but they should at least try to beat the rain.

Next thing she knew, she was pulling up behind the mechanics shop, and a familiar blond man props the back door open.

“Hey there, stranger!” Vivi calls as she shuffles out, quickly skipping to open the van’s back doors and keep them open. Arthurs footsteps trail up behind her, Vivi casts a small glance. “Are you excited?”

“A bit.” Arthur says, rubbing the exhaustion from his eyes. “Lance let me off early so I can prepare all my things, so it should be easy.”

“Nice!” Vivi beams, swiftly moving past him and making a beeline for the back door, whilst completely ignoring how Arthur looks up at the sky with a frown. “Wanna get the big stuff first?”

“Sure.”

Vivi was right, Arthur and her did wind up squished together in the front seat. Arthurs mattress, cork boards, and dresser were crammed in the back, and then surrounded by several boxes full of clothes, tools, and books. Although she did overestimate how much he actually had.

Arthur had managed to cram the entire van with everything he physically had. Stacked from floor the ceiling in haphazard and shaky towers besides and against the bed frame! Vivi would have to drive steadily to avoid a catastrophe.

In the front seat was Arthurs toolbox, a crate full of Galahad’s items, and then a small travel cage that he held in his own hand holding his hamster.

Arthur scoots over as much as he can, fidgeting a bit the more their thighs touch. Of course due to the lack of space, that led to a centimeter of room.

“Sorry about this, Vi,” he coughs into his hand, “I honestly thought that we wouldn’t be this cramped! I figured-“

Vivi blows a raspberry, scooting over herself so she was pressed against the door and offering up another centimeter. “No biggie! I’m glad we did it this way. Now we can get everything inside before we get hit with hail.”

“Hail? I thought it was just a thunderstorm!”

“I thought so too.” Vivi squeezes her hand into her pocket and whisks out her phone - which was partially damp from sweat. Wiping it off quickly, Vivi opens the weather app and lets Arthur snatch it.

He grimaces, “Yikes.”

“Yeah, better hope Lewis doesn’t get hit in the head when he comes home.”

“Or that the power goes out.” Arthur adds grimly. Vivi blows out another raspberry.

“I don’t think that’ll happen. Dont be such a sourpuss.”

“Wanna bet? It’ll be in character for whatever house we got.”

Vivi lifts an eyebrow, glancing over at him, “And whats that supposed to mean?”

Arthur’s smiling, and with a short shrug, “terrifying and haunted. Perfect atmosphere for a black out-”

“Nope!” Vivi barks back, wagging her finger intensely and shaking her head, “Lewis and I made absolute sure that there would be no ghosts in this house. I told you this.”

“Are you sure? You guys double checked? Triple checked?” Arthur probes, leaning forward and sticking his face into hers before retreating, making her laugh.

“Of course! I even had Mystery scope out the house, and there are no ghosts.”

“And if there is?”

Vivi shoots him a pointed, comedic look, “then you can add another.”

They both chuckle now, lightly elbowing one another. But soon after Arthur hums quietly and sinks back in his spot, a small smile crossing across his face as he watches the road ahead of them. He was convinced, perfect. Vivi gloated silently.

For a moment she’s tempted to turn the radio on to fill the silence, but Arthur suddenly turns to her inquisitively.

“Hey, so I never fully explored the house like you and Lewis did, mind filling me in on everything?”

A thrill of excitement rockets through Vivi and her head bounces in time with her, and she rapidly taps the steering wheel. “Okay so- it’s a fairly cheapish house for its size. It’s got a decent sized backyard, a nice sizable garage that can fit two cars and all of our equipment. And if it doesn’t, then we can just get a shed behind the garage to do so.” Vivi illustrates her point with her fingers, hoping that Arthur could follow along. “Lewis was actually talking about setting up a garden back there and- wait, never mind, back to the house. First and foremost, the most exciting aspect, there’s a basement!”

“Which is probably why you say it’s ‘cheap’?” Arthur says with a light snicker.

“Yeah! The guy didn’t charge us extra for the space- or the alcohol cellar! And I even went down there to check and everything seems up to code and in well order? I don’t know- we may have to worry about some floods, but we also live in the desert.”

“Right.”

“Next, we have like...” Vivi counts on her fingers three times before she holds up three fingers. “Three rooms! Two on the main level and one upstairs, but there’s also a closet on the main floor, along with a bathroom- and then one of the rooms actually has its own bathroom! Honestly I feel you should get that room, since you should have your own space and all that-“

Arthur opens his mouth to object, but Vivi doesn’t give him a chance.

“Lewis insisted that I got the upstairs bedroom and he can take the smallest- but! We haven’t decided on who gets what room just yet, so we got time to rock-paper-scissors it out. Moving on-“

Up ahead on the dirt road, a lonely-looking house with a tree along the side of it pops into view.

“There’s a nice sized kitchen, and while there isn’t a dining room, Lewis was thinking of converting some of the space into a dining room? I mean- he actually ordered a table online but it hasn’t shipped yet, so for now we’re going to be using my table. So get ready to be sitting on the floor for a while.”

Arthur rolls his eyes with a small laugh and nods, just as Vivi pulls into the driveway and into the backyard. Her eyes glaze for half a second as she parks the van.

“And... that’s it I think! There’s going to be a lot of setting up, but I think we can make it all work.”

“Yeah, besides we can always just eat in the livingroom amongst a sea of boxes while we figure things out. Although Lewis might flay us for suggesting that.”

Vivi chortles and nods, “Yeah! Yeah you aren’t wrong. But c’mon! Let’s get your stuff inside, I think Im hearing thunder.”

“Already?” Arthur glances up at the sky as Vivi throws open her door. She makes a mad dash for the back door, propping it open for them and waving to Mystery who was just out of sight. Arthur slinks out after her and carries Galahad inside.

“Okay so-“ Vivi doenst kick off her shoes but wipes them off on a mat that was placed at the back door, “since we haven’t chosen any rooms yet, Lewis and I agreed to put all of our stuff in the livingroom. Is that cool with you?”

“I - I mean it’s not like I have a choice, now do I?” Vivi winces and nods, and Arthur sighs. “Okay, we can leave the bigger stuff in the van for now then, but then let’s get the little stuff.”

“Good idea,” Vivi hooks his arm and pulls him further down the hall, passing two doors on either side of them and a stairway.

“Besides! If we have to camp out in the living-room then we can just pull out the bed in the couch and a couple of futons...”

Vivi freezes in the entrance of the living-room, jaw falling.

Arthur stops glancing around at the floorboards and then wallpaper and joins her, “Something wrong?”

Oh, something was wrong alright, and it hits them both like a bag of bricks the second they step in.

On the couch, Mystery was curled up and lightly chatting to a heavy set ghost. A ghost who drapes their arm across the couch snd sneers at them. ”Welcome to my humble abode.”

...

“What the fuck?”

Vivi flinched as she nearly feels Arthurs glare digging into her neck. Her own mouth went dry as it hits her all at once.

“I didn’t know- Arthur, I swear to god I thought there wasn’t a single ghost here. I promise.” Arthur’s face is still twisted in dismay, and she couldn’t really blame him. Twisting, Vivi points at Mystery and the dog jumps to attention.

“Back me up here! We both investigated this place top to bottom, he-“

”She.” the ghost hisses

”she- my bad- wasnt here, right?”

Mystery nods, folding his paws on the couch’s arm. “It’s true, Arthur, we had done the best we could and we honestly believed that there was no one else residing in this territory.” Mystery then casts a cursory glance back at the spirit, who nonchalantly drank from a a darkened glass, hardly sparing them a glance. “However, you know that experienced spirits can be excellent hiders. She merely concealed herself until now.”

Arthur let’s put a heavy breath that Vivi didn’t notice he was holding, before gently setting down Galahad’s cage. A stark contrast to the rapid twitch in his eyelid.

“Great! Fantastic. So why did she decide to hide?”

”Im right here.” The ghost suddenly says, casting a dirty look that both spoke profanity and exuded grace.

“Okay,” unaffected, Arthur side steps until he was able to face her himself, “then I’m sure you don’t mind telling us why you’ve been squatting here.”

Her eyes snap open, before her face twists with menace and she unfolds her crossed legs, slamming her glass down with a sharp clink. Arthur flinches as that sound shoots through him.

”’Squatting?’ My, those are some awfully bold words for someone who started trembling the second you entered my domain.” She rises, and despite how short she was compared to Arthur, she trapped him in her shadow. ”This is my home, and no bank can simply give away my property to measly little rats.”

“He-hey now, ma’am,” Vivi steps in front of Arthur, who’s hands immediately latch onto her shoulders, “look, this is a misunderstanding on our part. You see- my friend here is a medium, and he’s been ... tormented by a lot of spirits. So he agreed to live here under the assumption that there were no spirits. You can understand why he’s upset, right?”

”And you can understand that so am I, correct?”

Groaning lightly, Mystery hops off the couch and also stands between the two groups, lazily guarding as if nothing was really wrong.

“Of course! This is your home... can you describe to us how? So that way we can respect your boundaries and ensure no other issues occur?”

Arthurs fingers tightly grip Vivi’s shoulder, and she reaches up and pats them lightly.

Thankfully, the ghost seems pleased with the pseudoapology, and their shoulders relax by a fraction. ”I built this house, a ways away from my old home so that way I can have the luxury of peace and quiet. It was an expensive project, but one I carry pride in. I simply couldn’t leave my home to just anyone after I perished.”

Arthur creaks, “S-so you.. stick around?”

”Precisely. I ensure that no punks come in and try to take claim to what isnt theres.” That is marked by a pointed glare at Arthur, who shrinks back behind Vivi further. Regretting his choices up until now.

Blowing out the breath she was holding, Vivi forces a smile and claps lightly. “Alright! Then, what can we do to show you that we mean no harm? Or will we be thrown out regardless.”

With this, she chuckles, voice getting low and almost purring. ”You will have to prove yourself, and earn a place in my hearth. If you cannot do so by the end of the month, then I will make your lives a living hell until you run for the hills.”

”Great..”

“Awesome!” Vivi claps again to hide the bemoaned muttering. Taking a few steps forward- and incidentally dragging Arthur with her- she holds out her hand to the spirit.

“Well I hope you wish us luck. My name is Vivi, and this is Arthur.” Arthur coughs lightly and nods a greeting, but keeps his mouth shut.

The woman blinks calmly, taking in Vivi’s hand with a surprised consideration, before smiling herself and taking it in a firm handshake.

”The pleasure is mine. Address me as Lilith Primrose.”

“Oh~ that’s a lovely name you have there!” Vivi offers, smiling brightly.

”Thank you. I picked it myself.”

Vivi nods and release her hand, stepping back. “So.. I know we got off to a rough start, but do you mind if me and Arthur bring his stuff in? It’s going to rain soon and we still will be moving in-“

A crack of thunder fills the air, Arthur and her both flinch, before turning to Lilith for confirmation. Who then rolls her eyes and shoos them away.

”Like I said, you all have a month to come into my good grace. You better get started now.”

“Thank you.”

With that, Vivi grabs Arthurs wrist and pulls him down the hall, lightly scolding him and apologizing at the same time, but also letting him do the same back.

It’s what she deserves honestly...

Within fifteen minutes, the rain had started to sprinkle. They decided the best thing to do was to get the largest items - the mattress- inside first so it wouldn’t get drenched, but that left the cork boards and the bed frame, which they decided may be better to keep in the van to protect the integrity and quality. Then they spent the next half an hour racing back and forth with various boxes that they decided to dump into what was now Arthurs room- the bedroom closest to the back with a bathroom. Vivi opted to stack his boxes on the mattress while Arthur simply tossed them onto the floor- claiming he knew they weren’t going to break as easily.

After an hour, it was pouring in sheets. The last of the boxes were quickly abandoned in Arthurs room, and both of them tore into one of the boxes to fetch towels to dry themselves off.

“Jesus Christ..” Vivi huffs, ringing out her skirt into one of the incredibly damp towels. “I feel bad for Lewis, he still has to drive home in this.”

“Yeah, poor fuck.” Arthur groans lightly and rubs his eyes, “brace yourself, turning on the light,” Palming the wall until he hit the light switch, Arthur prays that they’ll be given just one thing.

Only... for the room to remain just as dark.

Vivi looks at him for a moment as he stares in befuddlement at the switch, which he rapidly flipped on and off. Muttering to himself, ”oh come on...”

“Hold up, maybe the wiring is funky?” Vivi offers, stepping over boxes and opening the bathroom door, and she quickly flips the switches herself.

Nothing.

“Fuck.”

The power was still out as the storm persisted. Even when Lewis came home drenched from the walk to the porch from his car.

Of course, that wasn’t going to stop them. They were plenty prepared with gas canisters, spare batteries, flashlights, candles, and a gas stove.

Lewis made a remark on how glad he was that they only seemed to have meats in the fridge, but those comments slowly dwindled as he got to work making spaghetti by candle light. Vivi set out to line the kitchen’s low table with several of her unscented candles. As much as she wanted to bust out her various sweet smelling ones, the boys asked her to refrain so not mess with their senses.

Which wasn’t an issue by any means! Vivi didn’t want to dig them out anyway...

“Alright, that should do it.” Lewis murmurs to himself as he turns off the burner and grabs his tongs, pulling out the cooked noodles and layering them on three separate plates. He calls over his shoulder, “Arthur, Vivi! Dinner is ready.”

A distant “Coming!” And then frantic footsteps fight against the sound of the rain outside, and Lewis covers the noodles in their sauce before turning and placing them on Vivi’s low table. Vivi comes in with flat pillows and places them in their respective spots before kneeling and taking her spot.

“Thank you Lewis~ this smells really good.” She says, wafting in the garlic and onion at her face with a dramatic sniff. Just in time for Arthur to trail in with Mystery at his side.

Mystery scans the plates, before frowning at Lewis.

Lewis raises an eyebrow and smirks, “What? You can’t eat this, remember.”

“You and I know very well that I can eat more than all of you combined.” The dog shoots back, plopping down beside Vivi who scratches his ear.

“Well it’s not good for you.” Lewis points out, before reaching beside him and pulling out a plate of Mystery’s gourmet doggy dinner. “Now are you going to keep complaining or eat?”

“Oooh~” Vivi grins and pats mystery’s head, “Youre this close to missing out on greatness, boy! Better shut your trap.”

Mystery did indeed shut his trap, quickly scuttling over to Lewis’s side to retrieve his bowl- licking his lips to avoid showing how much he was salivating at the smell.

Arthur takes his seat on his bottom than his knees. Rolling his fork through the noodles slowly, but not saying anything, even as Vivi and Lewis chat as he grabs drinks.

It’s only when Vivi shoves a heaping of spaghetti into her mouth and moans in delight does he realize that they need something else. Lewis froze in his tracts, wincing the smallest bit as Vivi chews. She’s been hungry all day, so it makes sense that she would rather dig in- Mystery too.

Poor guys misophonia has got to be going crazy.

“Hey, do you guys want to watch howls moving castle? Or - uh.. spirited away?” Lewis and Vivi both shoot him inquisitive looks, although Lewis relaxes the smallest bit at the distraction. Arthur adds on, tapping his earlobe, “I can also grab your ear plugs, Lew. So that way the ... sounds don’t bother you too much.”

Lewis’s lips tighten. Oh shit, he probably didn’t want to embarrass Vivi-

A loud gasp and smack grabs both of their attention. Vivi stopped chewing, a hand over her mouth as she realized. Swallowing everything down in one gulp, Vivi gestures frantically in apologize. “Shit- Lewis I’m sorry. I can grab your ear plugs if you want? It totally slipped my mind.”

He lifts his hand, smiling sweetly. “It’s okay, I’ll go grab them. But yes, Arthur, I certainly wouldn’t mind a movie.”

Still flushed, Vivi nods too, “the rain will be a nice backdrop to a beautiful Ghibli movie. Do you need the disk?”

“No,” Arthur pushes himself up, “I got it downloaded on my computer. I’ll go grab it.”

He and Lewis both leave the kitchen, and he turns to go to his room, a small flashlight in hand to light the way.

It was already unpacked, plugged into a battery pack and charging for the past few hours. Arthur whisks it up and ambles back to the kitchen, where Lewis and Vivi were talking again. Good! Lewis is situated, now time to pull up the movie. Holding it one arm, Arthur input his password, searches through his hard drive...

But before he steps back into the kitchen, a soft flow catches his eye.

Lilith is sitting on the couch still, possibly had been for a while now, but either no one noticed or no one choose to bother her in the dark.

He watches her for a few moments, filling with guilt and momentary fear over earlier...

Then he sighs, resigning himself, and he steps into the kitchen and sets the computer down. Instead of getting back in his spot to turn on the movie, Arthur shuffles to the cabinet and fetches another plate.

“What are you up to, Artie?”

“Going to feed some raccoons?” Vivi jokes, even as Lewis makes a disgruntled noise at the thought.

“No, just give me one moment, okay?”

Arthur can feel them watching him, but he sucks in his breath and layers noodles and sauce onto a plate, before fetching a fork.

And then leaving the kitchen again, this time making a beeline for the couch.

Lilith hears him coming and gives him a cursory glance. Her eyes widen as she takes note of the plate as it’s set down beside her.

Clearing his throat, Arthur grips his hands together anxiously and forces himself to keep eye contact. “A-about earlier.. I’m sorry that I snapped on you. It... I hope we can get along.”

Lilith doesn’t say anything, looking from him to the plate.

She stands, nods, and turns on her heel to go to the basement door, vanishing before she even touched it.

...

Well fuck you too then. Arthur scowls lightly, huffing the smallest bit after she was out of sight. There’s nothing he can do now, and it’s up to her to decide if she wants to accept his apology.

Whatever, just go and eat dinner.

He takes his spot. While he was offering the meal, Vivi had found the movie and paused it before it began to play, and Lewis had already plugged his ears. He sends Arthur a thumbs up and a thankful smile. Arthur nods in return and grabs his fork to eat.

The movie started, and the atmosphere was both warm and comfortable, especially with the four of them enraptured in the unfolding plot. Spouting small ideas and pointing out little details, along with memories and theories.

The conversation only came to a halt when someone else clears their throat.

Vivi pauses the movie in an instant, and all four of them look up to see Lilith standing before them. Her face contorted in worry as she grips... a wine bottle. Lilith shrinks a bit at the sudden attention, but she clears her throat a second time and holds the bottle out a small bit.

“C... congratulations you four, you passed my test. I am looking forward to living with you all, and to celebrate, I wanted you to have some of my aged wine.” She stammers a bit, shifting anxiously from side to side, before setting the bottle down with a hefty clank. After doing so, she turns to leave.

Vivi, however, jumps up and latches onto her sleeve, pulling her back the smallest bit and earning a wide eyed stare.

Vivi beams back at her, “We’re watching some movies, would you like to join us?”

Lilith blinks rapidly, glancing between all of them, and being met with gentle smiles and affirmations.

”I... of course, I’d love to. Let me grab my plate! Oh- and some glasses. What are we going to be watching?”

Lilith shuffles beside Lewis, and the five of them all continue watching, sipping some tasty wine and eating their food peacefully.

They didn’t even notice that the rain died down and the power was back on until they were heading to bed

#mysterymarch2021 #mystery skulls animated #mystery skulls headcannons #vivi yukino #lewis pepper #Arthur kingsmen #sooooooo I totally didn’t use this prompt as an excuse to write a story that’s been on my mind for a while now nope #fun fact homes in Texas usually don’t have basements #also I have no idea if the flash flood thing happens typically in Texan basements #I could totally be showing my northernness from it

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