#i dont think i considered before that my pickiness might be a point in the “possibly autistic” column.

[rebellum]

Picky eater supremacy (because my family is SO good at accommodating food allergies and intolerances bc we've had to deal with Me Being Me.)

[semi-imaginary-place]

stray thoughts after finishing 13 sentinels

back to the mystery files. Why is the game seperating chihiro morimura from chihuro morimura (1 loop ago) and chihiro morimura (2 loops ago). Wait. Unless. I think i figure out what confused me, remember how i couldn't tell if nurse morimura was morimura -2 who died shifting ida -1 to the current loop because she has all her memories, or if she was morimura -1 who 426 izumi killed but who is the right age to reunite with ida on sumire bridge? Well if they both died and she had data saved to sector 0 maybe she was recreated... Which means there were SIX MORIMURAS: 2188, -2, -1, Iori, child who then got 2188's memories, and the morimura recreated from -2. But thats the only explanation that explains the inconsistencies and why the game files events in 3 separate categories when other characters like izumi -2 gets all of 426, fluffy, and shiba's scenes listed under one character. I'm going to look this up. Ok yeah nurse morimura was the ai of -2 morimura but why did she look 16 in the sumire bridge reunion? And not only that she acts like she's 16 thats what threw me off i wonder if when they wrote this scene they didnt know yet which morimura she was. Yeah and in that scene she doesn't recognize ida or know what a sentinel is and is just confused to be 16 years in the past. I still dont get this scene.

Grandma tamal got deleted!! That's why she didn't show up. Hmm so the 1944 tamao is considered the true one and the 1985 one was an AI which means if the compatible shifted before the kaiju attacks they would have also deleted the older ai selves (ex: natsuno in 2064 would have deleted older natsuno). 20 million years since humanity's extinction 2188 ryoko wrote the d-code. Ida spread dd-426 because he wanted the sentinels to fail and the world to be reset faster. "The nurturing of the 15 members started once the terraforming of the new planet was completed" 300+ loops have passed huh so they were stuck in the pods not killed and reborn each time that answers that question. I was wondering about the probes, so each probe can do this, rhen theoretically this entire story is playing out thousands of times across the universe.

There might have been 6 morimuras but -2 izumi juro was the one going by 426, eirika aiba/tamaobot, tomibot, shippo/fluffy, shiba kyuta, 6 names/identities. I went and looked it up and for the scene "Reunion" that was -2 Morimura's data that -2 Okino saved which was her 16 year old self. That still doesn't explain how current Morimura got -2 Morimura's memories though because she definitely acts like she has -2 Morimura's memories and sees them as her own memories instead of events that happened to someone else.

!3 Sentinels has good writing, it was consistently strong with no real low points. The strongest part of the game was probably the beginning right after the prologues as things start clicking together. A few places in the story clunked, but overall it was really well done, just a well made well written game.

I found the combat to be surprisingly fun. I've only dabbled in RTS games before so I came in pretty new to this style of game and ended up liking the combat. The game does a good job of easing new players in while gradually building up the difficulty and it has challenge maps for players that want to get deep into the combat.

My main complaint would be that there's too much romance, but that isn't the game's fault, I just generally don't like romance and am very picky. So sometimes I just wanted to skip past the romance and get back to the stuff I was interested in like the story. I felt some of the couples lacked chemistry, like they failed to sell me on the romance. Juro and Megumi happened so last minute after for the entire game Juro's feelings are ambiguous like him feeling the love Izumi Juro felt is only ever brought up in Megumi's last scene, and Megumi the entire game is in love with the erased Izumi Juro, so the romantic development between the two of them felt sudden. My biggest problem was probably with Yuki and Shu, it really just felt like he was harassing her the entire game, she showed like no interest. Like I get she has a tough personality but it came off as that old trope that as long as he's persistent enough the guy can get the girl. Which is such a shame because girlboss and her boytoy is such a fun dynamic but I don't like how it was done in this game. I found Iori's love at first sight plot rather cringe but it was funny having her entire story be about chasing him around the city while having no clue about the events happening.

Romance is central to the game however and I don't think it could ever be taken out. Romance is used by the game to create character foils between the characters and especially the various characters that are genetically identical. Both the Hijiyamas and Okinos both in 2188 and in the current loop fall in love with each other. The Morimura and Izumi of 2188 were a couple as were the Morimura and Izumi of 2 loops ago. Juro with both his new and old personality of the current loop however both come to love Yakushiji. While Iori falls for Ei. 2188 Ida manipulated Shinonome's infatuation for him just like how Ida of one loop ago uses current loop Ryoko's crush on him so that she's an obedient and convenient pawn. Ida himself meanwhile is primarily driven by his obsessive love towards the Kisaragi of the previous loop. The current loop Shu and Tomi both fall in love with other people however. The different romantic choices highlight how those characters are different from their other versions.

I probably would have disliked it just as much, but I do want to talk about how things could have turned out differently however as it is in line with the game's theme of alternate but equally viable possibilities. For example Juro could have fallen in love with neither Megumi nor Iori thus highlighting how he is different from every other previous version of Juro. Especially since both 2188 Izumi and the one from 2 loops ago view Megumi more as a daughter figure. Ei and Ryoko could have been written as a romantic instead of platonic and familial, which would have been interesting given how Ryoko spends a good chunk of the story convinced he is 426 because she has forgotten that she was the one that infected the sentinels with DD-426. Or otherwise it could have been Ryoko and Shu to highlight how different a person Shu is to Ida given how Ryoko expresses attraction to him. Or Iori could have fallen in love with Yuki which would have been very different from any of the Morimuras, or Renya who had a crush on Morimura. Really if the devs hadn't decided to make Yuki and Natsume genetically family, it could have been a childhood friends romance. Or there could have been something between Juro and Shu, they're friends despite juro being really weird between the memory manipulation and the Shiba but Shu sticks with him throughout, they're part of the weird dream club, and Juro's whole deal could have been the thing to break the tedium and boredom of Shu's life.

Tamao as a character really got the short end of the stick story wise. She had so much going on from being a compatible who is childhood friends with Keitaro and Takatoshi, to Tamao from one loop ago being turned into a Sentinel AI and then an android who was active in Sector 4 during the events of the game before getting body jacked by 426, and then there's Juro's grandma. Tamao of 1 loop ago is also responsible for creating Juro's new personality. There was so much going on with her but her role in the story ended up being very small so while she's referenced by the characters I think she only actually shows up for like 4 scenes.

One thing I really liked was how morally ambiguous the Morimuras were. Professor Morimura from 2188 was partly responsible for the nanomachine plague that wiped out humanity she also planned for her own resurrection where she would become the leader of the new humanity, and after her memories awaken in child Chihiro she plots to destroy the current loop to have a more advantageous start where she can control things better and to this end she kills the other Morimura for having an opposing agenda. Nurse Morimura herself does a number of dubious things like wiping the current loop's Izumi Juro, attempting to recreate the Izumi of 2 loops ago with him. She also attempts to take over Iori to gain compatibility. For the longest time it remains ambiguous what she is doing to Ryoko, whether she is actually trying to help her or to turn her into a puppet. Then there's Operation Aegis itself which would by cutting off Universal Control wipe out the 1.2 million AI residents of the city as well as dooming all the compatible to living the rest of their lives in the ruins of the city.

I liked a lot of the moral ambiguity in general, that for much of the game I was doubting the intentions of many of the characters from Renya, to Morimura, Ida, 426 as well as all the 2188 people involved in Project Arc. Izumi of 2 loops ago really is the definition of well intentioned extremist, I like how the audience is able to see him trial and erroring different solutions. First he tries bombing Shikishima to try and stop the technology being Deimos, then he tries killing all the compatible to stop D-code from sending the invasion signal, then he tries to sever D-code from the compatible which causes brain damage. Eventually he decides to modify the system and bring back the gamification in the simulation's code (exploiting 2188 Okino's sloppy coding the same way 2188 Shinonome did) allowing both Sentinels and Deimos to upgrade, and he does this by manipulating Megumi into shooting the compatible with a patch update to their nanomachine code.

The aesthetics of this game are superb the visuals and art direction are amazing and so is the soundtrack, it all just works so well together.

On a personal level I found Shinonome Ryoko to be annoying, like girl stop chasing the man who clearly cares nothing about you and is just using you. But I did find her story to be very interesting between the mental breakdowns, loss of identity, and how large a role she plays. Ryoko spends the entire story trying so hard and she usually just ends up making things worse, it's great! It's also interesting how most of the plot stuff she does happens in other character's routes, while in her own she's already largely forgotten everything already. I did enjoy watching her snap and shoot Ida dead.

I really liked Yuki which is probably part of why I was disappointed with her romance, she also just seems to attract girls which amuses me. She deserves to send more dudes to the hospital. She spend her entire story with so much pressure first with Ida threatening her only family, and then her dear friend Natsuno goes missing and she's being stalked by an imposter.

Megumi's story was my least favorite. The only part I really liked were the Fluffy/426 reveals at the end. gave her a magical girl story and then made it boring.

Miura's my favorite character, in all his iterations he's just trying so hard for others. He's earnest, curious, contemplative, and determined. I liked the parallels of how 2188 Miura liked history while 1944 Keitaro liked science fiction.

Nenji is surprisingly smart, it's funny when he and Hijiyama are in the same scene because between the two of them Nenji ends up being the smart one. his route gets the distinction of being the only actual time loop, kinda. it was trippy, i liked it although the timed events meant i messed up a lot.

Iori's most interesting for her contrasts and connections to the other 5 morimuras her own story is just her chasing a boy she has a crush on while having no idea what is going on, disappointing but also amusing fom a conceptual standpoint.

Tomi and Natsuno are both characters I like with stories I liked, charming. The reveals for both were well paced and exciting.

Juro does better than Iori because i found how many different parties are all trying to influence his mind interesting, everyone wants something from him from megumi who wants her boyfriend back, to morimura trying to turn him into 426 izumi, to 426 izumi himself who was the one that salvaged his mind. The one part I didn't like was the sudden romance with megumi where all of a sudden in the last scene of megumi's story.

Takatoshi was one of my favorite routes mostly because watching okino interact with him is one of the most entertaining parts of this game. Props to the game for 2188 hijiyama and okino being very explicitly lovers like there's no ambiguity there that the homophobes can latch on to and say they were just friends.

gouto's story was just 2188 morimura chihiro's story, it was good but it wasn't about him at all so he's the least developed character of the bunch.

I really like shu, his story was alright but i think it could have been better. part of this is that his route on its own isn't a complete story you only find out the deal with the mysteries like the 30km limit and inaba miyuki in other routes and the ending. while his kindness and generosity shows through on other stories, i think his own could have shown his ennui better. that he and ida are clones was a good aspect to his character i liked that twist.

while ei as a person is meh for me i did like both his story and his role in other character's stories, partly because of how different they are. His own story is a mystery as he tries to figure out what he was doing before which isn't helped by him having changed his mind mid way, lot of plotting and scheming by multiple parties which I love. Ei in other character stories plays a completely different role however as this is before he loses his memories and thus is a very active agent in the plots of sector 4. His romance with iori was boring but i can't say it was the worst or even in the bottom half. those two would have been more interesting not becoming a couple but i say that about most couples in this game.

For combat I liked the difficulty progression in that it starts off very forgiving for new players and then steadily ups the difficulty. I started out scared because i didn't have a lot of experience with real time strategy on casual but it was really easy so i went to normal but that was still easy so i went to intense and that was still pretty easy. and then the game got much harder, i could have beat the game on intense but by the final level combat was taking up so much time and i wasn't first time s-rank and getting side objectives about half the time and i wanted to focus on story so i went back to normal and breezed through. it took me so long to figure out 1st and 2nd gen sentinels so my main tactics involved the 3rd gen and some 4th gen, they got to level 25 first. i tried to balance exp gain and finished the game around 27-31. i good chunk of my tactics was railgun + missile rain as they were the best at crowd control and wow it got crowded on intense. only unlocked the super missile at the end and wow that thing is powerful. I had yuki span aoes to spot the areas the 3rd gens hadn't killed, amiguchi was a mix of offense and support, and gouto and yakishiji were interceptor bots. hijiyama was useless for so long because i didn't know how to use him but then i found his passives and had him emp spam the entire map to keep heat off the 3rd gen. i mostly had sekigahara anti air flare for half the game because i didn't know how to use him either. it took me a while to figure out how to deal with gladiators and that's how 2nd gen found their niche. then shinonome unlocked cyberattack.

[godoflobsters]

The Brothers and Dateables With a Tattoo Artist MC

My own MC was a tattoo artist before she came to the Devildom, so I thought I’d write up some head cannons with a tattoo artist MC.

MC is gender neutral!

Mammon

Nobody can convince me that the “Brothers Under a Pact” squad wouldn't be the first ones to get tattoos from MC, and Mammon would definitely be the first

Definitely likes to brag about it too

Don't remind him that there are countless people in the human realm that you tattooed before him or he will pout

People tend to think that Mammon is cheap and would try to talk you into giving him free or cheap tattoos, but he couldn't stand to be like that towards you especially regarding something that you’re so good at

Our first man works his butt off every time he wants to get some new ink from you

Likes to give you a big ole tip every time

Gets fidgety when he has to sit still for too long so you two have to take breaks often

Prefers small/medium sized tattoos rather than really big ones

One time after he started getting tattoos from you, he was at a modeling gig and they tried to make him cover them up with makeup, he quit and that magazine went bankrupt not too long after...dont fuck with the avatar of greed

Once your shop starts taking off in the Devildom, he and Asmo try to convince you to do a shoot for Majolish(They definitely didn't pull some strings to get Majolish to do a whole segment about you and your business)

Beelzebub

The second brother to get a tattoo from MC

Refuses to get any food related tattoos: he doesn't want to accidentally take a chunk out of himself when he gets blinded by his hunger

This man has a very high pain tolerance and sits like a rock while you're tattooing him and you love him for it

He definitely needs snack breaks during longer sessions though

Has a memorial tattoo for Lillith over his heart that matches with one on Belphie

While making this list I was randomly blessed with the mental image of Beel with abuncha old school American traditional tattoos and you can pry that headcannon from my cold, dead hands

Mammon likes to brag that he has the most tattoos from you, but Beel might give him a run for his money, he doesn't mind Mammon’s bragging most of the time though, so he just lets him believe whatever he wants this time

Simeon

But Simeon has never been all that great at following the rules that they set for him

The first of the dateables to get a tattoo

He wasn't actually planning on getting a tattoo at first, but one day he overheard Luke trying to scold you for all of your tattoos(definitely before the incident with Beel and Lucifer in the underground tomb) and that was the only push he needed to jump on the “tattoos from MC” train

There is a lot of rhetoric in the Celestial Realm about how “Your body is a temple and you should not mark it”

He’s still not willing to stray too far from his roots though, so he’d probably get something with vaguely religious undertones

Absolutely delights in the shocked look on your face and the sheepish questions on whether angels are allowed to do this

Once he’s finally convinced you that you're not damning him to fall by tattooing him, the process goes by very easily

He is very easygoing and open regarding designs and he handles the pain very well

He absolutely loves to show his tattoo off, even when he goes home to the Celestial Realm and receives his reprimands from Michael

Leviathan

The third brother to get a tattoo from MC

Didn't want to get a tattoo at first, all of that physical contact and pain on top of it? No way

But then Mammon, Beel, and even Simeon all got one and he got jealous

You're HIS Henry, why are THEY the ones who get to wear your art? He might’ve been able to deal with his dumb brothers, but SIMEON TOO?

You gotta sit down with him and have a nice long chat about it, making sure this is something that he would actually want to do and not just his envy talking

Spoiler alert: It was definitely just his envy talking

He realises that he is actually oddly attached to the idea of getting a tattoo from you now though, so he comes up with designs and draws them on himself until he is certain that he won't regret it

Would get something tiny and probably gaming related

Definitely very squeamish about the pain aspect but the design that the two of you came up with is very simple and small, so he is able to make it through without fainting

He absolutely loves his new tattoo...but he is never doing that again

Belphegor

Fourth brother to get a tattoo

Has wanted to get one ever since Beel showed him the tattoo he got in memory of Lillith, but things were very...not good...between the two of you at that point

Finally worked up the courage to at least ask if you would be okay with it after the two of you made a pact

Beel, forgetting his super high pain tolerance, told him that it getting a tattoo doesn't hurt at all, so he was in for a big surprise when he went under the needle for the first time

Whiny at first, but he manages to stay very still for you

Has a memorial tattoo for Lilith over his heart that matches with one on Beel

Will definitely start to doze off during long sessions

Convinced Satan to get a matching Anti Lucifer League tattoo with him(definitely doesn't try to convince you to get one too)

Make sure that he does not, under any circumstances, actually fall asleep while you're tattooing him. He did once and he rolled over in his sleep, almost ruining an entire tattoo

Ever since that time, Beel has come with him to his sessions so you could focus on your work and he can focus on keeping Belphie awake

Satan

Gets his tattoo not long after Belphie

One of those people that think every tattoo needs to mean something so he takes forever trying to pick out something that he wants

Would probably get some sort of quote or design inspired by his favorite book, something that really resonated with who he is as a person

Was somehow convinced by Belphie to get an Anti Lucifer League tattoo

Does he regret it whenever he realizes that he now has a portion of his skin dedicated to Lucifer of all people? Possibly, but he definitely won't say anything about it to you

Loves to look at you and just admire your tattoos, asking the stories behind each and every one of them that he can see

He might be a bigger fan of literature than the fine arts, but that doesn't mean that he has any less of an appreciation for your work

Definitely pulls some strings and gets one of his friends who owns an art gallery to display some of your work there

Can set you up with all the connections that you need to make your mark on the Devildom art world

Lucifer

The last of the brothers to get a tattoo

In the beginning he has no intentions of getting a tattoo, he does have alot of respect for your talents and how hard you work for them though

As an art lover and artist himself, he will most certainly commission you from time to time and hang your work in his study

He won't admit it, but seeing your art and thinking of you when he's stressed with work is very soothing

He eventually decides to let you tattoo him only if it’s in a place that is easily covered by his clothes, considering how he dresses that leaves you with pretty much his entire body to work with

Sometimes when he has some time off he will grab a sketchbook and join you if he finds you in the common room working on a design, you share a comfortable silence, with the only sounds be the crackling of the fireplace and the scratching of pencils on paper

The kind of person that wants a tattoo but has no idea what he actually wants, but hes picky as fuck so he will turn down every single idea that you give him for weeks

He is lucky that you love him

Whenever you two talk about placements, if you mention anything on his back to cover up the scars from his wings he will almost back out entirely

Almost

Afew months later he’ll put his pride aside come back, admitting that your ideas would be perfect and that he wants to go through with it

During the session he has way too much pride to admit that he was feeling any pain

That is until you have to start going over the scars

As soon as the needles hit scar tissue he starts to fall apart; tears, shaking, the whole nine yards

It takes you quite a few sessions to finish since he cant handle such long sessions on that portion of his back

The summer after his new back piece is finished, he goes with you and his brothers back to Diavolo’s beach, this time he takes his shirt off in front of everyone for the first time since the fall

He wears your art with such pride that he lets everyone keep the memory, he even lets Asmo keep the pictures he took of all of them up on Devilgram

Diavolo

Wanted to be the first to get a tattoo but Barbatos said no

If you want to continue your career in the Devildom for the duration of your stay, he will buy you a building to work from and any supplies to get started since you had to leave your stuff in the human realm

Diavolo has rooms in the castle filled with the art that he's collected over the years, so when he sees that you're an artist he gets so excited

Before he finally gets tattooed by you, he buys a lot of your artwork and hangs it up around the castle

It takes a few years to propose the idea again to Barbatos in a way that wont make the butler’s hair fall out from stress, but he finally relented under one condition: it has to be in an area that is still hidden while he’s in his demon form

He decides that his legs would be the perfect place to indulge in your artistic talents while also keeping Barbatos’s controlling side at bay

Hes another one that knows he wants a tattoo but no clue what he wants to get

Unlike Lucifer though, he is a true open canvas

He truly adores your art so he wholeheartedly trusts you with his body and knows that he will love anything that you do for him

He knows that this is most likely very nerve wracking for you considering his position so he tries to reassure you and make the process very easy for you

You still put everything into designing him something fit for a king

He’s the type to prefer large pieces that span over entire sections of his body rather than abuncha small/medium sized ones

Another fidgetter, he’s really not all that accustomed to pain so he doesn't have a high tolerance for it

Likes to treat you to dinner at Ristorante Six after each of his sessions

Tips like the absolute king he is, you could probably pay a couple months of rent back at your apartment in the Human Realm just from his tip

Once his tattoo is finally finished and healed, he will find every excuse that he can think of to invite you and the brothers on outings to places where he is free from scrutiny to wear shorts and show off your artwork

Barbatos

The last of all of the boys to get a tattoo

It was a complete shock to everyone when he came to you and asked if he could make an appointment to get tattooed by you

“Everyone” being you, Diavolo, and Lucifer because nobody else knows that it happened and he would like to keep it that way

Another member of the “I’ll get one as long as it’s somewhere nobody will see” club...so basically not his face

Before the two of you get to talking about designs, you expect him to go with something small and simple, maybe an elegant little teapot or something along those lines

Then this man comes to his consultation and throws you for a loop talking about a sleeve

Very picky, he has high standards for himself and what's on his body

Knows exactly what he wants but does his best not to stifle your creativity during the design process

You learn ALOT about just who lurks behind Barbatos’s mild-mannered butler facade during his sessions, he’s surprisingly upfront and honest whenever you have him under the needle

Solomon

Can't get a tattoo

This man has pact marks for 72 demons all over his body, there is simply no more room

Any open space he has is being saved just in case any other demons *cough* Lucifer *cough* ever decide to come around to making a pact

Collects your flash and hangs it up around his room

If you take Diavolo up on his offer to set up a shop in the Devildom, he will make sure to tell all of his pact-mates about you, hype up your work, and get you a lot of business in the door

Sometimes he will commission art from you and use magic to make your art temporarily appear on his skin over the pact marks

Once you become a sorcerer and have a better grasp on your magic, he helps you experiment in creating magical inks and enchanting tattoos

Asmodeus

The only one that actually doesn't want to get a tattoo

He doesnt think that tattoos would fit in very well to the image that he has for himself

And not being able to show off every inch of his beautiful skin while its healing is a no from him

Since he likes to test out his new makeup and skincare products on you, sometimes after he has had his way with your face he will let you draw on him with skin safe markers

would definitely be a wimp about the pain

Will spam pictures to his Devilgram of his fancy new temporary tattoos and you drawing on him

Will definitely try to bring you some of his flings to get his name tattooed on them, you will have to reprimand him every single time and eventually he will stop

If you're not the type to keep up with social media, he’ll offer to keep up a Devilgram account for your shop

If you're ever attempting to draw and you have a very specific pose in your head that you can't find a reference for, he will not hesitate to get up and start posing for you

Luke

He is baby and cant have any tattoos until he's older

His mind frequently bounces back and forth between the whole “your body is a temple” rhetoric that he was taught growing up and “wow that's so cool!”

After Simeon got his tattoo Luke became a lot more enthusiastic and curious about your job though

Will occasionally ask if he can have one of your flash sheets so he can color your pictures

These very often end up on the fridge in Purgatory Hall

Sometimes they even make their way to the fridge in the House of Lamentation too

Will this make the brothers jealous? Yes. Do you care? No.

Luke loves you and looks up to you so much that he goes through a little phase of wanting to copy you, yourself and the entirety of Purgatory Hall can expect loads of temporary marker tattoos

[siswritesyanderes]

This is a series of asks bc, while I do LIKE all the charas of Fantastic Beasts individually, much of the romantic pairings dont sit well with me. By that mean the messy love polygon w Newt & I think I finally figured out why & I'd like another's opinion on it. For starters, Newt's attraction with Tina is too fast for me considering he was friends w Leta, got expelled out of Hogwarts for Leta, carried Leta's photo in his case, & basically loved her for YEARS. But this is all undone by a [1]

jaunt in NY having met a woman, who he admittedly went on a huge adventure w, over the course of maybe a few weeks. He's so taken w her she replaces Leta's photo w her own &, after refusing to go to Paris for Dumbledore, leaves immediately once he finds out she's there. I just find this unbelievable. I can rationalize it from Newt's perspective where Tina is a fresh breeze sweeping into his life on (percieved) unrequited pining, but this is my conjecture based on my understanding of Newt. [2]

The audience shouldnt be left to rationalize endgame couple of the mc on their own. & the whole thing w Leta is so messily handled I dont think they can save it even if they bring her back in FB3. How she feels for Newt vs Theseus & unresolved lingering affection, etc. She & Newt were SO important to each other & we SEE that & they dont HAVE to get together, but they need proper resolution bc they have actual history between them. God Leta in general deserved so much better. [3]

But my main gripe is that this love polygon serves no purpose to what I believe is the main selling point of FB: the world. HP having love stories makes sense bc we're following the story of a boy as he goes through adolescence & his journey through that via school is part of that, which is why the romance feels fitting. It's a very personal story. FB on the otherhand is the best peak we have at the wider wizarding world beyond school. HP introduces the world of magic, but FB rlly expands it [4]

To that end Jakob & Queenie's relationship is the only one I find myself liking, bc it's deeply tied to the world setting, the series' biggest selling point (in my opinion, should have said this earlier). It underscores the attitudes of the period & the conflict they face feels suitably substantial & not like filler. There's a moral question between them of are they worth it? And how far should they go to be together?

Imma be real hear & say FB2 was rlly Queenie's movie & they should have been ballsy & just make Queenie the mc for FB2, bc her story was actually considerably more important to the overall development of the story than Newt's, which mostly came off as a rushed & a tad clichè soap drama. & making it about Queenie I think builds more room for good conflict & independent narrative for Tina that would serve her chara better. [5? 6?]

If I bad to be REAL ballsy, I'd say my big issue w/ the relationships in the FB series & how it enhances or impedes the main story & what I believe to be it's biggest attracter (the setting) could have been solved if they made Newt's romantic interest a muggle. It attaches a deeper meaning & relevance to them & the story so it felt more deeply that they truly moved WITH the narrative rather than beside it but I guess Im just picky. Thx for putting up w this! [Final]

(My response below the cut.)

Yeah, pretty much all of this is right.

Regarding the Tina thing, it was definitely rushed, especially since there was literally nothing romantic between them in the whole first movie, except maybe the end part where they're stumbling over their words. Despite knowing how movies work and knowing that they were the male and female lead, I still found that completely out of left field, because they don't really share any interests and I didn't feel like they felt anything in particular for each other before that. She really wants to be an auror and feels really intensely about it; he just wants to travel the world and write about magical creatures and take care of them. I don't see a lot of compatibility there, and the movie didn't really do anything to reconcile that gap.

Jacob and Queenie made sense, because they actually sowed some seeds for it. It's not even about the fact that they both like to cook; they showed an interest in each other throughout. They noticeably like each other. Newt and Tina never really had that, to me, so it was bizarre for her to become his primary motivation in the second movie.

Queenie's trajectory in movie 2 overall bothers me, so while I agree it would have been better if they'd centered it more around her, I definitely think they needed to drastically rewrite pretty much everything she did. Enchanting Jacob at the beginning never sat well with me; I usually only have to say this in the Descendants fandom, but if one half of the ship is magical and the other half isn't, we can't have the magical one enchanting the non-magical one for romantic reasons without addressing what a violation of trust that is. Like, Jacob would be justified for never trusting her again, over that. Also, the fact that she apparently holds it against people if they think bad things about her is not something I would expect from someone who has been a Legilimens as long as she has, and not a detail I like, at all. Especially since it was used to give her justification to be mad at Jacob after she enchanted him in the first place. I find it sad, because Queenie was definitely my favorite character in the first movie. (Also, joining Grindelwald was a nonsensical thing to do. I can only assume she's there to spy on him or something, because it makes literally no sense.)

As for Leta, I really don't like how that was approached. First of all, I don't like how their mention of her in the first movie was "She was a taker; you need a giver," because once we actually met the character, that only made me resent Queenie for representing her that way. Leta deserved better in pretty much every way, and they definitely shouldn't have killed her off like that. I find the whole situation really iffy from a racial standpoint. The first black character to be written three-dimensionally in all of HP lore, and they make sure to preemptively tell the audience that she's a "taker", kill her in the same movie we meet her, and manage to trivialize her death by turning it into a little "Who was she saying 'I love you' to?" mystery. I like her relationship with Newt and Theseus, and I'd definitely want to see more of it.

Yes, it definitely would have been better, thematically, if they'd made the love interest a Muggle. (I'd honestly say they should've paired Newt with Jacob, but I know they're unwilling to do that. That would be kind of cool, though, to see the movie shaping up with two male characters and two female characters and have the men end up with each other and the women just live their lives as humans.)

With the story they ended up telling, though, I don't think that is needed; since Queenie is already dealing with the wizard/Muggle storyline, Newt could have a different conflict. Maybe his love interest should be a werewolf or something, to tie in the wizarding world's unresolved dislike for "half-breeds". And if he were in a relationship with someone already regarded as a creature, the wider wizarding world might take a different view to his studies and look down on him a lot more. Idk, a thought.

And then, with Leta/Theseus and Grindelwald/Dumbledore (if they were willing to actually deal with that), they'd pretty much hit every controversial beat they've got: wizard/Muggle, wizard/"half-breed", interracial, homosexual. Credence and Nagini are both creatures, kind of, but I still like them together, so their relationship doesn't have to tie into any theme; it just has to be developed way more.

On the whole, Crimes of Grindelwald felt like they skipped a movie. It feels like they needed a middle installment to make these relationships happen, instead of jumping from "Do Newt and Tina maybe have feelings for each other?" to "Newt loves Tina and Tina is possessive enough of Newt to be outwardly upset with him when she thinks he's engaged to someone else," and creating a whole relationship between Credence and Nagini that we see none of.

The fact that Queenie and Jacob were done well in the first movie gives me a fair amount of goodwill for them, but that goodwill only offers enough cushioning from the botching that movie 2 did that I'm near-indifferent to the ship, now, instead of actively opposed. I'd like to see things improved, but as it currently stands, I'd be just as happy seeing them end up not together as together. The fact that Leta's relationships with Newt and Theseus were more interesting than any of the aforementioned makes it that much more ridiculous that they killed her. What ship am I supposed to care about how? If I can't go into the next movie delusionally hoping Newt and Leta will get some moments, or enjoying the Theseus and Leta content, then I'll just be sitting there waiting for Credence and Nagini to share a screen, and who knows when that'll happen?

[ambitionsource]

hi can we get some zaley friendship headcanons whenever you're free? ☺️

im not the best at headcanons just bc of the way my brain functions but im gonna do my best for you, sunny my friend. let’s go zay and riley let’s go!

thrift shop buddies!! one of the most common ways that they hang out is definitely going thrifting. considering they arguably have the two most eclectic wardrobes on the show, this makes sense. esp i fully believe they’re the perfect people to thrift shop with where they encourage each other to try on everything, even if it seems outlandish (and sometimes even more in those moments). that’s the only way to really get some good finds! and i feel like, beyond S1, when they wear items for performances in the show that are clearly unique / seem thrifted, it’s more than 50% likely the other helped them pick it out at some point

on this note, i think that they both have really good senses of what looks good on the other bc they spend this time together, probably better than anyone else (yes, including their significant others. not that that’s hard, since both of their significant others have notoriously bland fashion). like even when theyre not out together i can totally imagine them seeing something and being like “oh this is so riley / zay” and getting it for each other. they know each other’s sizes and have like an ongoing swap credit system gfJSKHJDLFH

riley and zay usually run performance by the other person before they perform them for the class / at an audition. like they find a specific time (usually during breakout sessions during class) to get in front of the other person and run them through their concept + do a run-through for them. they just really appreciate the other’s perspective, especially since they tend to complement each other -- zay is able to identify places where riley could heighten things or add some flair or just like... assert her talent more lmao, whereas riley helps zay pull back on some of his more overwhelming instincts when necessary or find the moments to truly lean in emotionally rather than blowing us out of the water the whole time

if we could actually Watch the show, i guarantee 9/10 times when riley or zay is performing, we would cut to the other enjoying the performance. like theyre always bobbing their head along and truly feelin the other’s performances. excellent vibes luv!

i also think they harmonize well with each other, which is why its kind of a shame they dont do more performances together within the context of assignments (as for why, couldn’t tell you... it might just be a weird psychological thing of like i have These people i perform with when it matters and these who are just for fun... like maybe zay and riley tend to see each other as easygoing comfortable duet partners and thats why they try not to overdo putting pressure on it). but yeah they absolutely have days where they just hang out in one of the rehearsal studios and play around on the piano and try to find ways to harmonize on their favorite songs. this is some of the best singing riley ever does, bc its so low stakes and fun

i also think that honestly, zay really helps strengthen riley’s vocals over the time they’re friends -- especially early on. riley is someone with good raw talent but she’s never thought about honing it seriously prior to joining aaa, whereas zay has been on a career mindset since he was little. so he is good at teaching her like small technique things or helping her expand her range and she really values that esp bc hes so selfless about giving it, but it doesnt come off naggy or unnecessary like maya’s advice often does

sometimes it can be hard for them to find songs they both wanna sing though bc their music taste is so different. i think they have like three small categories where their favorites overlap -- select big names (sza, chloe x halle), jazz / old-time crooners (frank sinatra, nina simone, and the like), and select musical theater. but i think this is mainly on zay, bc he’s much more picky about music than riley who will give anything a listen without much nudging. as we know zay likes to pick on his friends’ music taste (like charlie and harry styles / 1d) and i don’t think riley would escape this affectionate teasing. they exchange song recs and riley gives him like her usual piano ballad-y sara bareilles tswift rachael yamagata energy and shes like oh yes, another piano ballad and hes like STOP!!! JUST LISTEEEENNNN GFSJKLHJFDSKLHKDLFH

that said though, they’re definitely go-to friends when it comes to like checking out a new local artist or coffeeshop open mic nights. this is probably a typical zay / riley / yindra outing

zay doesn’t spend a ton of time watching tv bc “he has better things to do with his time,” but riley and zay are definitely the type to watch a show together. like not always Together, but they’ll try to keep up with each other so that they can talk about it (and riley has to try really hard not to keep binging and get way ahead of zay). theyre good at this bc they can have really intense and opinionated conversations about it but in a way where its like safe and neither of them feel like theyre actually being judged / are stupid if they disagree (something thats not common for riley, and zay usually is trying to discuss media with super strong personalities who aren’t great at Debating).

in general, though, they tend to agree on favorite characters / relationships. for example, they both hate rachel berry -- which always gets maya and farkle extremely heated if they’re around. i can only imagine why...

they’re also definitely safe-space vent people for each other. they don’t use the privilege all that often bc i think both of them try to like keep their cool and not get hung up about things, but if they really just have to pop off about something they know they can go to the other person and they’ll actually Listen and keep it under wraps rather than either spilling it to everyone else and/or immediately trying to problem solve rather than just listening to the Emotions. and it’s helpful bc for the most part, their friends don’t actually really overlap that much, so they don’t really like harbor the emotions the other person unloads on them or let it affect their dynamics with other people? like riley can talk about dasher and zay can talk about yingel without it having any ripple consequences bc theyre different circles.

for example, i can totally see riley talking to zay about how she feels like -- at first -- asher doesn’t really like her and won’t really let her in and like he doesn’t want her to join the friend group (even tho that isn’t really true). like she can’t talk to dylan about it bc she’s not going to put him in that position and she’s not foolish enough to think that’s a good idea, she can’t talk to lucas about it bc he like doesn’t get stuff like that gFJKHGLFJSDLH and also he has such a set impression of asher it would be hard for him to understand it from her perspective. zay has none of that, so hes a good person to listen to her nerves about it.

the only times this gets kind of complicated / janky is in the midst of zay x charlie stuff where riley is kind of unintentionally (or, sometimes, intentionally) in the middle. like, zay trusts her not to go telling charlie what he says about him, but he knows they’re good friends too, and its an awkward position to put her in. but still, i think when zay is really hurt or frustrated he’ll snap sometimes and just vent out all his anger about charlie to riley in one foul swoop, and she’ll just absorb it like a sponge without judgment and then not bring it up again. but you can also see little ways where this puts pressure on their friendship, like how when he was drunk in 304 zay expressed resentment towards the fact that riley also talks to charlie and sometimes he feels like she puts him first, even though that isn’t true. it’s just..... a very very complicated (and interesting, if emotional) situation with that trio.

that being said, when things are Good, i think that zay feels comfortable talking about his significant others (including charlie) with riley. he doesn’t really get too Detailed about anything personal or anything, but they definitely discussed charlie in s2 in the small window of time where riley knew and zc wasn’t actively imploding LMAO. on the flip side, riley doesn’t really talk to zay about her relationships, but only bc her relationship is lucas GJFSKLJHLKDJHFLDSH. like anyone else she’d be like okay sure this is fine but she knows zay finds lucas annoying 65% of the time and talking about him in a romantic context grosses him out so she respects that LMAOOOO. hysterical

in general, if they’re gonna hang out, they usually go to either a local coffee shop they like (like svorskis) or each other’s houses. its kind of a relief to have a person they can just take anywhere and have around their parents with no trouble at all, considering both of them are used to having a boyfriend who cant be seen in their house (for different reasons). and theyre comfortable enough that like i think when they hang out at their houses, they just spread out in the living area of both bc theyre not hiding anything, its like very lowkey and comfortable

that being said, riley doesnt spend much time in zay’s usual studio at school. most people don’t, its a place zay now likes to be alone (and it feels weird with someone else being there who isnt charlie)

as for how they come off to their families, the babineauxs love riley. jada has met her a couple of times and thinks she’s super sweet + zay could afford to learn a thing or two from her like how to chill the fuck out (cue zay going shut the fuck up). donna is excited that zay has another friend who isn’t batshit intense about stuff like maya / farkle, she figures yindra has the diva best friend role covered and zay needs more friends like nigel and riley to ground him. she’s right about this.

cory likes zay, but he also does have some prejudices from the teaching perspective about how zay doesn’t pay attention in class half the time and blows off his assignments -- but this isn’t partially because cory isn’t a great teacher and his assignments suck. so the feeling is mutual, tho zay gets along better with cory in a neutral, polite sense than say, asher and dylan, where it’s like guerilla psychological warfare. topanga has no opinion about zay bc riley doesn’t introduce her friends to her (wisely).

they’re still very common lunch buddies. essentially when riley isn’t eating with the techies (which is only when lucas is there usually) or bothering lucas in the booth once a week, she’s with zay (which usually also means nigel, yindra, and farkle, though not always)

ultimately, i think that when someone asks riley who her best friend is, her mind will always jump to zay first. not even because theyre necessarily the closest at any given time, but because he really was her first life raft at aaa and he extended that kindness to her in a moment where she was so used to being brushed aside, talked over, ridiculed -- and you don’t forget that. it stays with you. so when she thinks about her Best Friend, speed round answer, he will always come to mind first. i think she greatly admires his skillful balance of confidence and compassion, his sarcastic sense of humor, the way he gets so passionate about dance and music and how these elements come together, and his inarguable kindness that is at his core and so fundamental to everything he does (even when his more known reputation is a bit more barbed and witty).

on the flip side, i think riley came into zay’s life at the exact moment he needed it. we know he felt isolated in s1, and even though i think he thinks of nigel and yindra as his first-to-mind best friends, riley was a breath of fresh air who allowed him to be himself with someone who wasnt going to judge him on past decisions or impressions. just like he gave her the chance to define herself in his eyes with his extension of company on that first day, she does the same for him by not making assumptions about him and learning who he is on their terms. i think she’s also just a really great, measured system of support -- she’s not busting his balls or keeping him in check like yindra and nigel do (except when its really needed, like 304), but she isn’t as in awe / romanticized with him like charlie. i think he appreciates that he can go to her for an honest perspective, but she’ll take the care to deliver that honesty in a gentle way. it’s like, he’s tough enough to take a hit, but sometimes its nice to know you have someone who will be kind with you even then.

that’s what is at the core of their friendship overall. kindness.

-- Maggie

[mousehole5000]

tgcf chapters 107 - 120 this is one where i give some Opinions. i do overall like hualian a lot but i have some quibbles

wait why am i still taking screenshots? i can copy/paste again afskldfjasad

It really was hard to tell whether people would feel happy after watching such performances. However, in truth, slaughter and the sight of blood did create excitement in people. Whether or not there was fear, after the initial shock was over, a rush of adrenaline would be produced in the heart- me watching horror movies

“Shi Qingxuan said. “Then, Your Highness, Crimson Rain Sought Flower! I order you to—to immediately strip each other’s clothing!” - djslkadjlsd WHY DID HE SPECIFICALLY SAY THEY HAD TO STRIP EACH OTHER THISALSKDJ is this a normal thing is it a wingman attempt what is happening

“I’ll tell you what it is,” he said softly. “To watch with your own eyes your beloved be trampled and ridiculed, yet be unable to do anything. That’s the worst suffering in the world.” ... “Ming Yi asked, “What’s the biggest regret of your life?”- when truth or dare gets a bit too real

On the side, Hua Cheng was still only observing, and was already bored to the point where he’d changed back into his red robes. Then he changed to black robes again. Then to white robes. Almost every time Xie Lian looked back, he would be donning a different appearance, and with every new look there were different hairstyles, and different accessories, and different boots, and so on; sometimes playful, sometimes elegant, sometimes deadly, sometimes glamourous. Xie Lian was growing dizzy from all the colours and kept looking back, unable to look away. - THIS ISNT THE TIME HUA CHENG. YOURE PRIMPING. THE WINDMASTER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED AND YOURE PRIMPING

obsessed with xie lian not being able to figure out to use the windmaster’s fan and just. using it to SMACK

also windmaster??? whats going on??? :( i know some things from spoilers like who is not to be trusted but i really have no clue whats happening rn

anyways back to puqi shrine lets check on those kids also can we PLEASE get some funds for this restoration smh. hua cheng and xie lian doing mundane hard labor together to fulfill prayers.... :pleading:

jailbreak in the heavens 2: dig a tunnel

Sure enough, the moment Ming Yi put pressure on his shovel, a hole opened up before them. With the shovel raised, he burrowed crazily ahead while Shi Qingxuan, in the middle, cheered him on crazily. As the only non-crazy person, Xie Lian brought up the rear. That treasured shovel of the Earth Master was indeed magical, and with only a few strokes, a new tunnel of over ten meters was dug. - anybody remember mulch diggums from the artemis fowl series? this is much more dignified than that but i think this is only the second time ive read a character just starting digging a tunnel as a plot point

okay so much is going on i wish i hadnt spoiled who certain characters actually are for myself but i have no one to blame but me for a) not blacklisting spoilers at all and b) just having a little freefall through the tags. oh well. anyway heavenly college admissions scandal except way worse. the corruption extends to the heavens and the windmaster is having a very bad day

i guess we’re having a high seas adventure now?

im gonna keep it real im getting tired of how often we get told how handsome hua cheng is. i know its all xie lian’s pov and while im not terribly familiar with it i know what genre we’re working with and im assuming thats pretty typical. its something i dont much care for in general and idk maybe it sounds better in the original but ngl its starting to make me roll my eyes. love you goth king but god okay we get it.

i guess what i will say about hualian so far is that overall i like them and i like how they interact in general they have a lot of nice moments and they just genuinely seem to like each other which is really nice to see EXCEPT for when it actually comes to things that could be romantic or sexual which is a shame bc i dont think it has to be like this. again disclaimer that im only reading a translation and dont know everything might not have all the knowledge necessary to accurately criticize etc etc and im assuming a lot of this is expected from the genre (disclaimer to this disclaimer that i cant say that for sure its just based on things ive picked up about the bl genre over the years) but idk like xie lian was so distressed after their underwater kiss scene. it was kind of uncomfortable to read and maybe im being unfair i know his cultivation is based around abstinence or whatever but idk i dont care for it. and that scene alone doesnt have to be a bad thing like idk i guess its his first kiss ever (?) and it would make sense if he feels weird about it but i just have my doubts thats going to be addressed or resolved in a satisfying way. also im like. dude everyone is like centuries old. xie lian’s been on earth for 800 years. has he really never met or heard of a gay person during all this time? maybe he hasnt idk what he got up to yet maybe that’s actually a thing. also same thing with the reactions from the immortals to xie lian in a dress and characters like the windmaster like again you’re all centuries old and its not uncommon to be able to just completely change gender presentation. why are you all weird about a man wearing a woman’s dress? i just feel like that shouldnt be a big deal to these characters idk

also again not going to lie part of this that im not really a big fan of reading romance in general. yes i am reading this book. yes i do read and write a lot of fanfic that includes or centers romance. im multifaceted. but really what im talking about is the like physical side of it and descriptions im extremely picky about it. ill give an example. early on in the torture pit (or whatever it was called i cant remember lol) when xie lian kind of accidentally felt up hua cheng in the dark when he was being carried. i dont think thats a bad thing to have happen between the two romantic leads i think thats fine and good to include that early but i just did not enjoy reading it when it happened idk maybe it was the wording and i do think that moments like these work better in a visual medium. ive definitely read het romance that reads like this and i wasnt a fan of that either lol same with fanfic i get tired when writers go on and on about how hot one characters finds another character. this isnt a huge criticism of it like i said im picky but again like with the way that hua cheng is described it just makes me roll my eyes sorry kings

okay back to the reading. this whole saving the fishermen thing feels like a big set up for something narrative-wise. hua cheng specifically insisted on coming and i know one of the characters involved ends up dying im wondering if thats now it would be a good time tbh if things get just a bit too unfortunate during this heavenly calamity... and the brothers are notably not having a harmonious time... also tho it feels very likely we’ll just have another Hualian Moment (tm)

In such a situation, Pei Ming still acted the same. In the evening, when they rescued a few fishermen girls, so scared their eyes were blurry from tears, he held them in his embrace and soothed them with a gentle voice; a true show of honeyed romance, affectionate and charming. - pei ming please get pickled again.

also its funny that hua cheng is just kinda hanging out and everyone else just has to deal with it

Looking down from above, the entire area was painted in a terrifying black. It was easy to see the collision between the two different-coloured currents. Their fierce battle was what formed this enormous whirlpool. As the eye swallowed the ship whole, the two currents of water separated. However, the battle was far from over. Like two venomous vipers, they continued to snap at each other. Each collision was followed by a mountain of angry waves. - this pretty dope ngl. also love our wind and earth masters just chilling on a shovel i dig it. hehe

Yet, other than discovering Hua Cheng had a fine body, there were no other finds. Xie Lian was at his wit’s end and started to worry. - okay see this one’s funny im just also irritated bc im like WE KNOW!!! WE GET IT HE’S HOT AND XIE LIAN THINKS HE’S HOT OKAY GOT IT

okay kiss #2 again its not the kisses themselves its xie lian’s reaction it just bothers me idk im not saying i need him to be super into it and completely unconflicted about it rn but he’s just so freaked out about it and idk i just dont really like it just feels weird i dont care for that aspect of it. also dude hua cheng is a ghost and he did this exact same thing for you before just chill. i wish instead of xie lian literally running away while screaming that hes sorry he was just like “oh haha youre fine thats cool im gonna go look around the woods i dont feel weird about this at all haha” like idk its kind of funny but when its literally our two romantic leads i just feel like its confusing like it kind of makes me feel like they shouldnt be together if one of them freaks out this much again considering the fact that they are both CENTURIES old. i know i know xie lian is an 800 year old virgin but. he hasn’t been like this about anything else so yeah idk like it still could have been awkward and funny i just dont think it needed to be so :/ that being said it was funny that xie lian was then internally like “oh i did it wrong? perhaps i should ask him for more.. instructions....” if that actually happens i might like it bc it would complete this little watery theme

Before he finished, he immediately remembered. Coffin wood. There were trees here everywhere; and a deceased? There was one right before his eyes. Sure enough, Hua Cheng smiled. “Won’t it be fine once I lie inside? - love that hua cheng just sat on the fact that he can turn anything into a coffin. that would have been really useful information earlier but no he just waited until everyone but xie lian was gone afjaklsdjf

also i do think that oblivious xie lian thinking “wow whoever it is that hua cheng fancies is an idiot for not liking him back theyre totally taking him for granted :/” is kind of funny and sweet. actually the whole conversation they have at the campfire is good and im bookmarking it to think about later

“...You on top and me on the bottom,” Xie Lian replied. “Isn’t top and bottom the same?” Hua Cheng asked. - okay im sorry but. mood whenever theres discourse about top/bottom dynamics for a ship im just like jesus christ i dont care. tbh i rarely read fanfiction if its just sexual and ngl if i see a fic specifically tag characters as top or bottom i wont read it lmfao. especially when people have really strong opinions about this stuff when theres nothing canonical to back it up like headcanon all you want but whenever i see people argue about it im just like no offense but go work out your own sexual issues and dynamics instead of arguing with strangers on the internet about who’s a top and who’s a bottom. sorry to be mean but just thats how i feel lol

this was mostly a ramble with a few excerpts but im getting sleepy im going to TRY to take a break from this for like a day but we’ll see how that goes i do very much want to know what happens. anyway if you read this whole thing hiiiiii sorry for subjecting you to my opinions on top/bottom discourse

[modern-oedipus]

Covid Vent

No one: Nila, who goes out maybe once in a month due to covid: *listens to coffee shop sounds in youtube to get in mood*  It’s really hard to maintain social isolation now that it has been 5 months. But the cases are going up and up and up, hitting my friends and their families. I myself had to split houses with my mother because she had covid cases in her work place. I don’t think I’d isolate myself this much if I wasn’t in the risk group, but I am. Knowing that I am most likely to go to intensive care and experience the trouble breathing again like I did during the asthma treatment is not good. The potential permanent damage on lungs, for someone like me whose lungs are already more prone to sickness compared to healthy people, is also a big no, considering that I’m only in my early twenties and if everything goes well and I live a normal life I’d live around 50 more years.  50 more years with a disability or isolating myself at home? Isolation, obviously. But this pandemic doesn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. I am only indoors because both my internships are online & college hasn’t started yet. I know that I’ll eventually have to go out if my college doesn’t switch to online education. It doesn’t scare me at all, though, I am not like, “anxious”. I’m concerned, disturbed, alert, but not in a paranoid anxiety. If I end up catching covid, I’m at least mentally prepared to deal with it. I’m also eating healthy and exercising and don’t really have health problems except for that past-lung-treatments that more or less put me to a risk group (risky enough to concern me, even though I don’t have a chronic illness), so who knows, I might just pass it like a flu as well. No one knows. It’s not good overthinking covid, all I can do is to keep social distancing & mask & hygiene, as always. I’m just so suffocated. I’m more prone to be an extrovert. Before pandemic, I’d only use my house to sleep I’d keep being out in public, attending events, ORGANIZING events, going to coffee shops, club meetings, lots and lots of stage plays, tours, everything. I’d sneak into my friends’ dorms and change cities and just so many more “normal” fun things. I was barely starting to enjoy my life again after the depression healed. Now, I’m mentally ok, but physically trapped. The “watch netflix, read books, stay home” thing is kind of overdosing me right now. I like this shit for a week maybe, not for 5 months. I don’t know how to not risk my mental health while keeping my physical health anymore. Of course, to even HAVE a mental health I need to stay alive, so I’m not complaining- health care workers, people who go to job everyday (including my parents), etc. are in such a harder situation. I know. But my own life is also valid, and while not as troubling and concerning as lives of others right now, well, I think I’m still worth caring, at least by myself. I don’t expect any extra outside compassion or validation (we all are in same situation), me writing my thoughts here is more of me just trying to see my thoughts being worded on screen so that maybe I can come up with a solution to these things as I go. Because I’ve always been a problem-solver rather than just merely venting. (I can’t always solve problems though, I need to work on accepting this fact.) Anyway, I just thought, maybe spending more time outdoors in the natural park that is close to my house could be a good thing. But it’s crowded since it’s outdoors and I really don’t want to share any commonly used areas right now. (I used to be more than okay with this before covid, as I said, I’m mostly extroverted and I like community gatherings, but I like being healthy more), so like... Idk, maybe I can just sort of have phone calls and videochats with my friends as I sit outdoors. Except I don’t even know I have that many friends anymore. I mean, I do- I surely do have bestest of friends in my life that I’m grateful for, but like. I am somehow an introvert magnet and while I’d die for most of my best friends (both irl and online) I don’t really think they are as hype about just chatting as often as I am. (I know that this doesn’t mean they love me any less. They love me in their own way & I love them in their own way so that’s OK.) So like. Maybe Nila, have this BRILLIANT idea of making more friends. Except. Like. You’re at home so you aren’t in much of social gatherings [you aren’t in any! That is insane!] and you don’t really know how to make friends from home. I mean, yes there are online friends but like. EVEN WITH THEM. How can I just *trust* them right away? I can’t, so like. I don’t know. I’m bored af.  On the bright side, today one of my bff from school called me and said he’s back in town and that we should catch up, he’s literally one of the greatest company ever and he wants to see the doggo, so I’m positive we can just have hour 9242309204 hours long in-depth chats again without getting bored (amazing to have people like that in my life). Anyway. I guess the moral of this is:

- I need to accept “the new normal”

- I need to protect myself but try to keep my mental health as good as possible because I like myself more when my mental health is fine and I can also come up with better creations then

- I need to finish my course work (internship) so that I can relax before school starts

- I need to spend more time outdoors but in isolated areas (good luck finding them!) 

- I need to recharge

- I “want to” make more friends or just check up on existing ones! I can’t use the word “need” for this because this would degrade the freedom of the other party. Friends are appreciated, and to some extend, a necessity for social creatures like us, but no “need” will make it happen. I will just make an effort to check up on my existing friends more frequently-- I’m quite selective at this, though, I prefer generally upbringing people who are mature to a certain extend (aka, no obsession, no passive-aggression. yes to personal boundaries, yes to an overall nice attitude [we all can have problems and that’s ok and that’s normal. what /I/ personally don’t wish to be around [with my all respect] is this mindset of “life is a disaster let’s be depressed” thing. I just love love my current friend circle because even if my close friends are just around 7 people, and even if we get depressed or sad or scared, our general look to life is nicer, we don’t make disasters out of regular days, we enjoy talking and chatting, which overall increases our life quality and makes it better. We also communicate & respect & listen to each other and all. I mean. It’s not like that with everyone, and that’s ok, but as I said, this is my personal preference. I prefer having bonds that are good rather than toxic and I am doing my best to be equally good, rather than being toxic to my friends. [I’m sorry I post a lot of Banana Fish to those who don’t know Banana Fish, ok. I know ur bored but like I just cannot help it. I’m trying to tone it down but BANANA FISH.] sOOOOOOOO, SOOOO that’s why it’s not how “i have 29420343204 friends uwu” mindset, like, I noticed I need to be reasonably picky with those I’m close to so that I and people I love can overall have a nice, fun days, which is point of friendship. (I mean. As I said. I’m here on bad days too. But I don’t feel mentally healthy enough to carry the burden of someone else’s depression. It hasn’t even been two months since I’m out of therapy yet, and my mental health is, while not bad, it is fragile. I’d rather not be around those who can [mostly, unwillingly] effect me badly. SO LIKE.  - that’s one hell of a long post nila, but long story short FRIENDS or you’ll die out of boredom

- also just finish your coursework i beg you

- thanks for coming to my ted talk, I actually always offer potential solutions on my vent posts, but this time i wanted to write this publicly [i dont think anyone will read this and i dont mind it] because like. why not? it’s just me thinking and I feel as if this could be of use for some people who are reading this & isolating themselves too. anyway, i love u, stay safe. 

[thebluenebula]

So todays my birthday so I figured I'd write a birthday fic for Ashleigh. I really enjoyed writing this. This take place about three to six months after she arrived, so she is much more comfortable around the Batfam.

Masterlist

The Day After (Coming Soon)

Birthday

I sat at the breakfast table, reading todays paper. I never really read them. I just skimmed through them until some picture or crazy headline caught my eye. Bruce sat across from me.

"So." He loudly said.

I looked up from the paper. "So?"

"Sunday."

"What about Sunday?"

"It's your birthday."

"Oh." I was genuinely shocked. It didn't feel like a year had passed. I guess when a lot happens, you don't notice the time go by.

"I was just wondering what you wanted to do for it?"

"I don't really want to do anything." I explained.

"Really?"

"Yup."

"No party?"

"Yep."

"You're only eighteen once Ashleigh."

"And I'm quite content not to celebrate it."

"Alright." Bruce looked a little disappointed. "How about a gift, what kinda gift do you want?"

"Gift." I looked at Bruce with genuine shock. "Bruce you've literally given me everything I could have ever needed in the last six months."

He grinned. "Thats my job."

"I dont need anything else."

"I know you don't need anything, but so you WANT anything?"

"How about my own house?" I joked.

"If you want one." Bruce replied, deadly serious.

"No." I quickly responded. "I'm not going to get kicked out am I?"

"Of course not."

I sighed with relief. I may be about to be eighteen but I'm in no way prepared to be on my own.

"If I was going to kick out any of my kids, don't you think Dick and Jason would already be gone."

"What's this about me getting kicked out?" Jay asked as he walked in.

"Don't worry Jay, I'm not kicking you out. Yet." Bruce assured him. "Just making a point."

"Wait," Jay leaned against the table. "I understand why your using me as an example, but why would you want to kick out Dick?"

Bruce shivered. "I have heard him say things I never wanted to hear any of my kids say."

"God." Jay yelled and slammed his head into his hands. "I'd repressed that memory."

"What happened?" I cautiously asked.

"Well there was this one time Dick and Wally were fu-" Jay began to explain.

Bruce elbowed him. "She does not need to know. No one needs to know."

I looked at the two curiously. I wonder what Dick and Wally got up to.

That night before I lay into bed, I looked at the photograph on my locker. Siobhan, Sean, and I. We all looked so happy. It felt odd, this would be the first year I'd have a birthday without Sean, and the first in years without Siobhan. I grabbed the photo and lay into bed.

That Friday I was lying on my floor, texting Cassie. "Artemis seems crazy."

"She can be, thats why her and Jay get on so well. So it's your birthday Sunday. 🎉🎉🎉" She text me.

For a moment I wondered how she knew, then I remembered that it was on my Pixtagram account. "Yup."

"You doing anything for it?"

"Not a thing."

"No party?"

I wish. "Not much of a party person."

"Dick or Steph will through you one regardless."

"Bruce made Dick promise not to and I don't think Steph even knows."

"Wait you didnt tell them its your birthday?"

"Nope. Only Bruce, Alfred, and Kate knows and I'd  rather keep it that way."

"Okay, mind if I come around tommorow? We can just hang out or something to not celebrate you're birthday."

I giggled. "That'd be awesome."

"How's 12 sound?"

I yawned. "That'd be awesome. If it's alright, I'm going to go to bed."

"Goodnight Ashleigh. I'll text you in the morning."

"Night."

I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. Cassie text me the next morning and we confirmed are meet up. A little after one Cassie arrived. We got to togetehr with a couple of the other kids and played video games and chatted for hours. Cassie had to leave in a bit so the two of us headed up to my room.

I sat down on my swivel chair and Cassie plopped onto the bed. "So any idea what Bruce is getting you for your birthday?"

"Nothing, I think."

"Nothing?"

"Well he asked me what I wanted but I couldn't think of anything else I could want"

"Maybe you could ask for a car and give it to me." She joked.

"You can fly though."

"It would be a tad questionable if I FLEW to school."

"Point taken."

"Speaking of gifts," Cassie pulled a wrapped box out of her bag. "Since I won't see you tomorrow."

"Cassie you didn't have to."

"I wanted to."

I took the box from her. "Thank you. Do I open it now?"

"I'd prefer if you did." Cassie said. "You can't imagine the amount of thought you have to put into getting a gift for the child of a billionaire."

"I'm not picky." I explained, then pulled off the wrapping paper. A photo frame. A blue frame surrounded by little clouds and bats. "Cassie, its adorable."

She smiled. "The clouds were already there but i stuck the bats on cause... you know."

"Yeah, I know." I smiled. "I love it."

"Well I seen that you had that photo by your bedside and thought you might use this frame for another. Maybe you could put like a picture of everyone in in it or something.

"I don't have a picture of everyone in the house together. That'd be nice."

"That's it!" She exclaimed.

I jumped. "That's what?"

"Your birthday gift. Ask Bruce for a picture of you all together."

"I'd love that but I'd have to blow on a hell of a lot of candles for that wish to come through."

Cassie laugh was interupted by a ding from her phone. She checked the phone. "Diana's outside, I've got to go."

"I'll walk you out."

We headed down to the entrance. Cassie opened the door and prepared to leave. "I guess I'll see you again Ashleigh." She said as she stepped out the door.

"Cassie."

She stopped and turned. "Yes?"

"If you aren't busy tommorow... maybe you like to come around."

She smiled. "I'd love to."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'll remember to bring those extra candles for the wish."

I laughed. "I'll need them."

"I won't forget." She promised. "I'll see you tommorow then."

"One other thing, when is your birthday?"

"Why?"

"So I can remember to get you that car."

She giggled and walked down the steps. I wonder if Bruce would actually let me buy her a car.

I got up early the next day and to my delight. No big deal seemed to be made of my birthday. Dick, Bruce, and Alfred wished me a Happy Birthday but that was it. Everyone else seemed clueless to it.

Around eleven Cassie arrived and her, Carrie, Harper, and I ended up in the den playing video games again.

About one Bruce dragged me out of the den. "What's up?" I asked him.

"Someones here to see you."

"Who?" I asked as we stepped out into the hall.

"Hey Ashleigh." Kate stood just inside the door. Arms open.

"Kate!" I hugged her. "I didn't know you were coming today."

"Thought I'd surprise you, considering it's your birthday." She ruffled my hair. "Happy Birthday, by the way."

"Thank you." I smiled. "How'd you know?"

"I always know."

"Bruce told you?"

She nodded. "Bruce told me."

"I felt it was necessary." Bruce added.

Kate held a box. "A little something."

"Thanks but you didn't have to."

"I know, Bruce said that. Which is why I distinctively ignored it."

Bruce scoffed. "I shouldn't be surprised."

Kate looked to Bruce then back to me. "I'll hold on to it for a little while."

"Sure." I looked to Bruce skeptically.

"Follow me." He said.

I followed Kate and Bruce towards the Dining room. "Where are we going?"

"I just want to say, that this was primarily Dicks idea." Bruce said.

Oh no. I already knew what this is. I put on a smile as we walked through the doors into the dining room. It was decorated to the nines with birthday banners and other colorful decorations. Sometimes I hate Dicks insistent to go over the top with everything.

"Happy Birthday!" Everyone yelled as I entered. I smiled at the large gathering of people. To say I was uncomfortable was an understatement. But just for a second. Before, when I had parties, it fwlt like a lot of the smiling faces were just that, smiling face, no genuine emotion behind them but not this time. This time the smiles held happiness, love. I could feel it

All the nervousness I should feel, melted away. I don't know of it was Kate's hand on my shoulder or the smiles of my family and Cassie.

I was quickly tugged to the table by Steph. In front of me sat a large chocolate cake. On it, there had to be about fifty candles. "I told you I wouldn't forget." Cassie smiled.

"Come on!" Dick shouted excitedly.

"Can't we just skip that part?" Jay moaned.

Dick ignored Jay's remark and burst into song. "Happy birthday to you!"

Dick was quickly joined by the others, even Jay mumblwd along. After the song was over, I blew out my candles. Downside of so many candles, took quite a few blows.

"So what'd you wish for?" Steph asked.

"She can't tell you, that ruins the wish." Dick said.

"I didn't wish for anything." I said. "I have everything I could ever need."

Damien scoffed. "Corny. You sound like Grayson."

Cassie nudged me. "Do it."

"Fine." I sighed. "I did wish for something."

"Anything." Bruce said.

"I wish for... a photo. Of all of us. Together."

"That's all?"

"That's all."

"That's doable." Bruce turned to the kids. Jay and Damien in particular. "Isn't it."

Jay sighed. "Just this once."

Damien scoffed. ""Yes, as Todd said."

"I shall get the camera." Alfred stated.

"No need I have one here." Steph said, handing a camera to Alfred. "I have been capturing every moment of this."

"At this point, I'm surprised you don't take pictures of us sleeping." Tim remarked.

"Maybe I do."

"I'm double checking the locks in my door tonight." Duke commented.

"I'll always find another way in."

"You are the creepiest blonde I've ever met." Jay said. "And thats not a low bar."

"But you love me for it."

Jay sighed. I turned to Alfred. "You're  not going to be in the photo?" I asked.

"Someone must take the photo."

"I can take it Alfie." Cassie said.

"I will allow you to take this photo, Miss Sandsmark, on one condition."

"What's that?"

"Never refer to me as Alfie ever again."

"Fiiine." Cassie snagged the camera. "Now go join them."

"Okay," Bruce said. "Tallest to the back."

Dick, Kate, Bruce, Alfred, and Jay stood at the back in that order. Damien, Babs, me, Harper, Carrie, Duke, Steph, and Cass stood in front.

Dick picked up Damien. "Let me go Grayson!"

"Chill out." Dick said as he placed Damien on his shoulders. "Don't want you cut out of the photo.

"This will suffice." Damien huffed, pretending to be upset.

Steph turned to Cass. "Pleaaase."

"Sure." Cass lifted Steph onto her shoulder.

Bruce smiled at his children and place an arm around Alfred. I felt Kate place her hand on my shoulder.

"Say cheese." Cassie said.

"Cheeese!" We all shouted as Cassie snapped the picture.

We all walked over to her. "How's it look?"

She through an arm around my neck. "Smile."

I looked at the camera in surprise as Cassie snapped a picture. "What was that about?" I asked as Cassie let go of me.

She shrugged. "You needed a photo of us."

She handed me the camera. I looked at the photo of us. Cassie looked perfect but I had a look of absolutely confusion plastered on my face. I smiled and looked at the family picture. Everyone looked perfect in it. Even Damien and Jay were smiling. The camera was quickly passed around everyone as they looked at the photo.

Afterwards we cut the cake. I could tell by the way that Cass and Steph watched me as I took the first slice, that they had baked it. "Best cake ever." I said after I took a bite. The two girls had huge grins plastered across their faces. The cake was quickly devoured by everyone.

A pile of gifts sat on the table from each of the Batfamily. I figured I'd open them later and we went to play party games. For a moment I thought they be boring but the look on Tim's face when the donkey tail ended up pinned to his back, courtesy of Steph, proved me wrong.

Eventually we all lay up and watched some movies. By eleven everyone was clearly knackered. I could barely even keep my eyes open. Carrie was sound asleep against Bruce and most of the others weren't far behind. I was almost asleep when I felt a small weight on my shoulder.

Cassie looked half asleep as she leaned against me. Maybe she was asleep, just with her eyes open. I couldn't tell.

"Is she asleep?" I heard a voice ask from behind me.

I looked over my shoudler. Diana stood in the open doorway. "Diana." Bruce slid out gently from under Carrie and stood up. "I didn't hear you come in."

"I knocked. I assure you." She said. "No one answered, so I let myself in."

"Sorry, Miss Prince, I was preoccupied." Alfred stated.

I hadn't even noticed Alfred in the armchair in the corner. Jay was curled up beside him and appeared to be sound asleep.

"No worries Alfred."

"You've come to pick up Carrie. I assume." Bruce said.

"Yes. I'd leave her here but I promised her mother I'd bring her home tonight."

"Of course."

I shook Cassie. "Wake up."

She looked up at me groggily. "Huh?"

"Diana."

She sat up straight and looked to Diana. "Oh hey."

"Time to go."

Cassie stood up and stretched. "Sure, I'll juat grab my bag, i think it's in the kitchen." She turned back to me. "See yah Ash, and Happy Birthday."

I smiled. "See yah."

Cassie and Diana left and I looked back at the TV. I didn't recognise the movie that was on. I didn't even know who picked it. Slowly I drifted off to sleep on the couch.

[mwolf0epsilon]

Same anon from the werewolf prompts ask. I was mostly asking because I'd love to see the 3rd, 4th and 10th prompt for a Polycho fic. You can decide who the werewolf is, or if all of them are wolves or not. I'm not picky!

The hardest part of getting bit is that, even when he's the "big bad wolf", Josh still can't find a place among his peers.

Luckily the wolf has an eye for good folk and maybe someone up there is finally looking out for him.

---

[[MORE]]

Despite what anyone might believe, Josh Sawyers had always lived a little rough. He'd gone to school, was well read, enjoyed arts and history, and had dreams of being a teacher one day. Sadly, he'd not had the money to pursue a higher education and due to his area of residency and skin color he was considered nothing but a lowly thug.

No one wanted to hang out with the too smart black kid that lived very close to the woods. No one but his family really. But that too had changed when he'd gotten bit.

No point keeping another mouth to feed when it might try to take your hand with it, and having a werewolf in the family would have further ostricisized his parents and siblings from the All American Dream society they were busting their asses to belong to.

In the end, Josh had just accepted it and left.

If he could run from muggers and cops that looked at him with predatorial grins and murderous eyes, he should be able to run with the crew of wolves that further complicated his life.

Except he couldn't.

"Yes I understand I'm a big bad werewolf now but really, I dont want to hurt those cute little rabbits and deer, can't we just wait until we transform back to eat?" He shrunk back when some of the others glared at him with condescending exasperation "That's not how it works? Well can't I just eat before I transform so I won't be hungry–I'm sorry I'm just new at this and I'm sorta trying to go vegetarian here–"

"Jack did you really have to pick the pansiest lilly in the fucking garden? Christ the stupid cunt won't even eat what he can get!" Dimitri, a southern english blond with a thick accent and the worst case of resting bitch face Josh had ever seen on a wolf, colorfully hissed at the alpha of the pack.

"I figured the guy would make a mean wolf. Fuck me sideways, I was wrong." Jack, their leader and the stockiest member of the group, grumbled as he glared daggers at Josh "Fucking smarty pants too good for meat?"

"Might make a good bitch." Yuri, Jack's second in command and a rather spineless idiot, offered with a barking laugh that made everyone else chortle while Josh blushed furiously and looked down.

"Ugh... You guys are assholes. I'm just gonna go for a walk." He got up and moved out of their den, an old abandoned cabin that had definitly seen better days. The stench of wolf didn't help.

"Good luck finding any food, Flower Boy, werewolves are carnivores. You gonna die for being a pussy." Jack called out behind him, getting a hearty laugh out of everyone else in the cabin.

Josh kept his back straight and his head held high, but if his tail had been showing and his ears were just a bit more wolfish, they'd have hung low in shame and sadness.

Not even a group of outcasts wanted anything to do with him. That certainly took the cake.

---

As it turned out, the others were right. As much as Josh wanted to be a vegetarian (a thought he'd had since primary school), the wolf couldn't properly process green foods. It was frustrating, because he didn't want to kill any animals. The thought of blood and gore made him shudder, even if the idea of salty iron tang made his stomach croak painfully with want. He was hungry. Very hungry.

"Think Josh... If vegetables and fruits aren't an option, then what else...?" He mumbled to himself as he walked. He needed to feed, otherwise the wolf would have a few things to say as soon as he got too hungry to keep in control.

His wolf was gentler than the others in the pack, but it was still a wild animal and hunger tended to do strange things to the mind. Especially one driven by the more primal instinct to survive.

He noticed a stream running downhill and got an idea. It wasn't a deer or a rabbit, but if bears could get nice and fat from eating fish, surely he could sustain himself on them as well? It was just a matter of catching some.

"Well, I don't have anything to lose from trying..." He figured, as he took off his clothing and folded it neatly. He set it by a rock near a massive tree, marking it with his sharpened fingernails before letting himself change into a huge dark coated wolf.

The feeling was still strange and painful, but his worries eased considerably as an animal. The world was a much simpler thing for a wolf.

With a hearty howl the wolf sprung towards the stream, hell-bent on catching some dinner.

---

"You know..." A female voice startled Josh as he pathetically crawled up onto the sandbank. A young woman was sitting there, holding a fishing cane and other assorted supplies. She had red hair, wore clothing that looked a bit too big on her, and a pair of heavy boots that looked to have steel toes. "When I saw you climbing out of the stream I was fishing in dirty, wet, and naked, I assumed you had just survived some kind of intense mob hit or something..."

Josh gulped as she set aside her tools and crossed her arms. She was smirking at him.

"But really you had just detransformed from a werewolf after you were playing in the water trying to catch a fish, and ultimately failing." Had she been watching him the entire time? "Nice ass, by the way..."

Yelping as he remembered he was completely in the nude, Josh picked up the nearest thing to cover up. It looked all the more pathetic considering the flat rounded rock was much too small to cover much.

"Easy there. It's not like I've never seen a dick before." The woman rolled her eyes "Now, before I go get my ma's shotgun, state your business here dog boy. You and your pack off to cause us trouble?"

"I... Uh no, no? I'm not..." He shook his head. "I'm not with my pack and uh, I didn't even know anyone lived here."

"We don't. The cabin is a summer retreat." The woman shrugged "What's a wolf doing trying to fish alone?"

"Could you not call me wolf? I have a name..."

"So do I. What a small world."

Josh grimaced before looking back where he came from. He should go get his clothes.

"I... Should get going."

"Hm... Yeah sure. Whatever. Try not to scare the fishes even more, you just cost me and my friends our dinner."

"You have friends?" That was hard to believe. The woman had been nothing short of unpleasant for the entirety of their short-lived and awkward conversation.

"Yes. One of them has a crossbow. Beat it pooch." She glared.

He didn't need to be told twice.

---

A couple of nights later, Josh had finally mastered his fishing abilities and was anxiously awaiting the rise of the full moon.

He hated going back to the den, but cuddling for warmth was the only way not to freeze to death in the woods, and it was risky to wander off too far without the pack. There were other wolves and worse, bears.

Not that his pack cared that he ran off anyway.

Still, as soon as the moon rose he could slink off to the stream and catch himself a good meal. He'd found a massive school of fish in a hole that lead to an underground pool. The fish either got stuck there by accident and couldn't leave due to low lighting, or were just too greedy when feeding on the vast surplus of food that the hole had to offer them.

All the better to keep him nice and full.

He had almost completely forgot about that woman from the other day, until he'd rushed off on all fours towards the stream and caught an odd sent in the wind.

The wolf grumbled in annoyance at the intrusion, but its curiosity was just as great as its human side's.

On feather light paws, it crouched and tracked the sent, before a whiff of grilled fish made its mouth water.

In the same spot Josh had met the woman, were three humans making dinner out of a bucket of large fat fish. It seemed like the redhead was a skilled fisherwoman.

"It's a loud night." A man with a shaved head, tan freckled skin and heterochromia, commented as he listened to the occasional howl in the distance. This trio was far away from the pack's hunting grounds, so there was no danger.

"Werewolves. I met one the other day..." The redhead murmured. "Took me longer to get a catch because the dumbass was flopping about like a drowning lamb."

"You met a werewolf? How come you didn't say anything, North?" A blond man with tired eyes and pale complexion asked.

"Didn't seem important at the time." North huffed "Besides, at the mention of my shotgun and your crossbow, he fled."

"You mean your mom's old shotgun. That thing is rusty as hell North. Wouldn't kill a fly..." The freckled man chuckled "But in all seriousness, Simon's right. You should have said something."

"Oh lay off Markus. It's fine! We're not staying much longer, just a couple of days anyway, and the wolves are far away."

The wolf watched them curiously. They were an odd trio. North, Simon and Markus.

Their names sounded... Nice somehow. And their interactions were all in good jest, rather than aggressive.

Whining softly, the large wolf lay down and kept watching them. It's heart ached for companionship it did not get from it's peers.

The blond's head perked up suddenly.

"Did you hear that?"

"Not everyone has your bat ears Simon..." North pointed out. "What's up?"

The blond didn't reply, instead staring off into the treeline where the wolf hid.

Had he heard it? That was impossible, humans didn't hear that well.

The man squinted, before getting up. His posture was intimidating to say the least, and the look in his eyes was one of warning.

Before anyone could say anything, or the wolf could process what was going on, the blond was right in front of it with his lips curled back so the wolf could see his long fangs. A vampire.

"Simon!" Markus called out, seeming just as startled at the wolf. "Don't do that!"

"We've got a wolf!" The blond called back.

"Is it big and got black mottled fur?" North asked from where she was sitting.

"Yes."

"Same guy from last time. Hey you caught any fish yet or just did a bad impression of the Little Mermaid?" The redhead grinned.

Simon rose an eyebrow in question before noticing the grimace on the wolf's face.

"I don't think it liked that."

"It can say that to my face. Come on, bring the thing over, if it didn't pounce us yet, it's not going to."

The vampire shrugged and looked back at the wolf, still suspicious, before motioning for it to get up and follow. The wolf decided it best not to argue, especially when the redhead offered a grilled fish.

It had been ages since it ate something cooked.

---

"So you really do run solo, don't you?" North asked in the morning, when the moonlight was no longer coursing through his veins, and after they'd all introduced themselves at the cabin.

The redhead hadn't been kidding about owning a shotgun. It was on display at the cabin, but it was also rusted to kingdom come. Markus had been right about it not harming a fly.

She used it as a threat to intruders. Uninvited guests were unwelcome, which was funny considering she had invited a vampire and a wolf into the threshold.

That was certainly some risk taking. Not that he was complaining.

The offered blankets had been so soft he'd practically rolled around in them when he woke up. The texture felt nice against his bare skin. It helped ignore the dull aches and sores of transformation.

"I prefer it." Josh replied. "It's calmer when I'm on my own. Quieter. Easier to get food and rest instead of getting pounced on and forced to submit to some asshole's command..."

Simon held the blanket he'd covered himself in tightly as he took a sip from a glass. The breakfast table was nicely organized, and he'd given them all plates of pancakes and glasses of orange juice. He himself ate nothing and drank a tinted glass that Josh's nose noted was full of pig's blood.

"Sounds rough." The blond commented as he shielded his sensitive skin from the sunlight creeping into the cabin.

"It is... Honestly though I hate my pack so much, like theyre a bunch of assholes but I ran into you guys on my full moon run in the forest and..." he shrugged "I don't know you seem pretty cool..."

"We seem cool? Bitch we're the coolest." North grinned.

"North..." Markus rolled his eyes. "Well... Uh, aren't werewolves social? Running solo seems very lonely for a wolf."

"It is but uh... I don't know, I was hoping I could sorta... You know." Josh stammered in embarrassment "Go hunting or scare some people or some shit? With you guys? I know this lake thats always really warm, I can show you... and uh, there's this hole in the stream that's full of big fat fish that just kinda hang in there? In case you uh, needed more?"

The three looked among each other debating what to do. They only had a couple of days left at the cabin and Josh would surely be lonely after they left.

North looked back at Josh before looking at Markus intently.

"... No." The heterochromatic man said flatly.

"Oh come on, we kept the vampire living in your attic, can't we keep this poor lonely lost puppy too?" North put on an exaggerated pout.

"I'm not a puppy. Also you were living in Markus's attic?" Josh asked Simon incredulously. That seemed a bit weird.

"Technically his dad's attic which technically is my attic because that mansion has been in my family for generations, but yeah sure let's go with that." Simon shrugged.

"A vampire doesn't shed or howl." Markus argued with North.

"I don't shed!" Josh was slightly offended.

"Come oooon. I can walk him, and feed him, and teach him cool tricks." North grinned.

"What the fuck is happening right now?"

"Your pack sucks and you're nice. You're getting adopted by the two most insufferable humans in this part of Michigan." Simon smiled "Don't worry. You'll get a bed, access to hot water and tv, as well as treats. They'll spoil you rotten."

"...Well I can't argue with that." Josh snorted. "I haven't showered in months and the smell of wet dog after I take a dip in the lake is pretty bad."

"Good choice." Simon laughed "Come on Markus, you always did say you wanted a pet."

"I was thinking along the lines of a canary or cockatoo..."

At the end of their trip to the cabin Markus relented, having grown very fond of Josh, and the werewolf collected what little belongings he had at the den before joining them at the cabin and sitting in the back of North's car with Simon.

The other wolves wouldn't miss him anyway, so he didn't bother to say goodbye. If anything he hoped he'd not hear from them ever again.

Thank god his wolf had a good eye for nice folk. North, Markus and Simon were weird, but they were his brand of weird.

He could get used to not living rough for once.

[silenthillmutual]

actual Sw/Sh gameplay thots atm under the cut:

saw some people on twitter saying that people are calling Hop annoying which?? nah absolutely not. i’m glad they’re finally back to giving me rivals/friends i give a shit about because i didn’t care about anyone in X/Y and there were too goddamn many of them. i think Hop is adorable.

i haven’t seen the new Meowth form yet but like. who was asking for that. who needed that. who wanted that. also have not seen the new Wheezing and like...again... in general the new form gimmick was fun for Alola because that environment was vastly different from other game environments, but Galar really isn’t that different from other regions so there’s no real reason for it to have different forms. especially not for a house cat, good god, what do they think cats in Scotland look like??

actually before i move on from this my biggest beef with them cutting out more than half of the national ‘dex is like. considering the area it’s based on. WHY would you not include like every single ghost pokemon???? also not sure why Leon would have a Charizard but none of the other first gen starters would be available. that’s just weird imo. like i dont have an issue w other starters not being available but excuse me, Bulbasaur and Squirtle are just as good.

i wish the scaling was more accurate for absolutely no other reason than because seeing Leon’s Charizard come lumbering after him would be hilarious. i don’t think it has to be an exact scaling though, it might be kind of hard to show both massive pokemon and tiny pokemon in the same area like that. idk how to phrase what it is i’m thinking.

also Leon having his Charizard help him with directions...pls i am begging you just say that’s his Service Pokemon

i’m glad the style function has more options but without the ridiculous grinding thing you had to do in X/Y 

i still think the environment is a little bland :/ which is a shame bc i was really looking forward to this region, since i’ve actually been to Scotland.

other than that the only graphical thing i’m seeing is that the Pokemon models don’t move like, as smoothly as human models do? like when the human models turn around and you can see their feet moving and actually turning versus just kinda being rotated w Pokemon. that’s something they probably could have done if they hadn’t rushed the game so much.

I also understand the person’s point about pop-ups but that really doesn’t bother me so much, and if we’re being honest, pop-ups were also a thing in BotW. it happened at further distances than it does in Sw/Sh (which ig is another thing they could have worked on if they’d given it more time), but i’ve missed shit in BotW bc the game was picky about how close i had to be to an item/place/npc before it would pop up. it’s irritating but it’s not exclusive to Sw/Sh

thank FUCK i am SO glad they finally implemented the thing where you can put a Pokemon in your party as soon as you catch it and like, have it switch out with another pokemon on the spot. god, having to run back to the last PokeCenter was so irritating in past games lol so i’m really happy they added that

i’m also happy there are just some weird as shit NPC interactions like the girl who fake reads your fortune and then just vanishes. i love it when there’s just no reason for this weird stuff.

[lollytea]

can you tell us more about the snufmin kids, if thats okay?

Oh of course, of course!! i love those children so much dude!!!

[Original OC post]

Beginnings

-Torben’s origins are kinda a downer but basically his mom was a witch on the outskirts of a little village (real far away from moominvalley) who was killed after a lot of fearmongering. they raided her cottage afterwards and found baby torben and assumed him to be a child she stole.

- They couldnt find the “real mother” and he ended up in the care of a childrens’ home. He actually bounced around a few of them until he ended up in the home where he met with his future siblings. according to those working there, he had a rather unnerving stare and a lot of them felt there was something not quite right about him. (the rumor going around was it was something the witch had “done to him” and that “the poor child might never be the same”)  he was a lot more sullen as a baby who didnt have much of an interest in toys and had a hard time connecting with the other children. He brightened up considerably when he found Birch and Essi

- Birch was an oddity from the start. (Species headcanon from here) Its natural for woodies grow in groups, usually from trees and bushes, so theyre biologically social creatures who are hardly ever seen alone. But Birch may have been a spectacle of his species, as he was formed in a moss patch and born all on his own. 

- Another thing that was considered strange about him was his lack of imprinting. Woodies tend to latch on to the first “safe” person they meet, who then forcibly becomes their “parent”. (Woodies are produced asexually and have no “real parents” so finding a person of protection is often done as a survival tactic. It’s recommended that one stay away from woodies if one is not ready for children.) Baby Birch was discovered by a farmer and surprisingly did not take to him right away, like any woodie does. Actually he was rather standoffish and even bit if the old man touched him. He was sent to the home not long after. 

- Space was tight and there werent a lot of cribs/beds to go around, so Birch didn’t have one to himself. Instead they just squeezed him into 2 year old torben’s crib for the two children to share. Here they became inseparable, with Birch, maybe not imprinting but forming a close bond with somebody and finally finding a source of comfort. He bit a little less after this. Likewise with Torben, who gained a caring gleam in his eye once he had a little one to care for. Even when Torben was old enough for a proper bed, he insisted Birch sleep with him and would not budge on the matter. The home gave in and allowed it. 

- Essi’s origin was a simple one, of just being born at the wrong time. In a house packed with mumrik children, one more simply could not be accommodated. I dont want to say her birth parents were terrible people but with the amount of kids they had, they were rather jaded to a fresh baby face and werent too emotional in deciding they need to be rid of her. 

- She was never an angry or intentionally misbehaved baby when under the care of the home. She just needed a lot of stimulation that she wasnt getting and tended to tear up her clothes, curtains and bedsheets. It was also concerning that she never cried, or babbled or made any sound at all. It had falsely interpreted as some fort of defect child. They didnt know if it was right to mix her with the other babies, seeing as with the damage her claws had already done, they felt she could be dangerous. She was left on her own a lot.

- The other two met Essi when they were caught stealing food from the kitchen and locked away on their own to think about how sorry they were. But being tight on space, the only isolated room was the one where Essi was kept. They had heard about her being “the baby who didnt cry” and were very intrigued. but upon further inspection of the wriggling little girl in the cot, Torben observed that she looked lonely. They wondered if she simply wasnt capable of crying, which would be awful if one wanted to express their sadness. After entertaining her throughout their isolation period, the two decided that she was now their baby. And they would be her siblings. They would all belong to each other. As a family.

Miscellaneous HCs:

-Torben sleeps like he’s fucking comatose. There is no waking him. Even when living with Moomintroll and Snufkin, he and Birch still share a bed and Torben kicks and Birch (a light sleeper) hates it. But no matter how much arguments and late night brawls this causes, they still refuse to get separate beds. 

- Essi has a crib in Moomintroll’s room and sleeps there until she’s like 4. (She always magically ends up from her crib to her papa’s stomach by morning.) They tried to get her a “big girl room” when she was bigger but she didnt adapt very well as she couldnt sleep when she was alone. They had to move her into her siblings’ room. She slept soundly after that. 

- Moomintroll and Snufkin often tell the kids stories from their youth, sometimes using anonymous names to work as “fictional stories” lest they frighten them (or for the sake of their own dignity). Essi is very disturbed by the story of the the hobgoblin’s hat, while Birch can only scoff and wonder aloud what sort of idiot was that moomin who went and put the thing on his head. Moomintroll stares dead ahead and refuses to meet eyes with a highly amused Snufkin.

- Early on in his training, Alicia gifts Torben with his own witch hat. With much excitement, he immediately plops the thing on only for his whole head to disappear under it. Alicia laughs, informing him only a fully trained witch can wear it properly and the hat will adjust accordingly once he’s ready. (The hat freaks Moomin the fuck out. He does not care for magical hats anymore.)

- Essi has a little stuffed yellow bird that Mymble got her, which she carries around (often in her mouth) everywhere. She named him Comet, based on the story of when her papas first met.

- Speaking of Mymble (the younger), she loves doing Essi’s hair, although it took her a while to get accustomed to the little mumrik’s big mop of curls and couldnt understand why brushing it was so hard at first. She’s familiar with it now and often weaves in little flowers and ribbons. 

- Birch is very close with Snorkmaiden who thinks his flowering skin is very pretty and encourages his writing and curiosity. (Being a huge fan of the written word herself, mostly fairytales.) 

- Moominpapa is also supportive of his eloquent grandchild (Splendid! Another writer in the family, eh?)  but he’s a little more pushy and it takes a bit of chiding from moominmama to get him to stop saying “have you considered writing about Me??”

- Torben loves Snork. Snork.....hates Torben really. Well, its not that they hate him, its just that Snork has spent their entire life on this flying machine project and torben+flying broomstick= a mockery of it all. Not to mention Torben is annoying as fuck and spends way too much time pestering Snork about god knows what.

- Essi and Little My hunt bugs together. Lov the cronch

- Birch is afraid of thunderstorms. The whole family usually piles into his bed on thundery nights to make him feel safe. 

- Once Torben is at an adequate stage of witching training, he’s allowed a familiar. Of all creatures, he chooses Essi, the closest thing to a black cat he has. She happily obliges and spends most of her late childhood, mid teens operating under this duty.

- Snufkin has composed a tune for each of his children that he plays when alone and thinking about them, or by their bedside and playing them to sleep. Torben’s tune is called ‘Bonfire in the Rain’ Birch’s is ‘Baring Shards of One’s Looking Glass’ and Essi’s is ‘She Who Stirs the Stars’

- To help with Birch’s collecting hobby, Torben enchants a little velveteen pouch an gifts it to him. It never overflows and Birch can fit the whole forest in there if he wishes. It’s very handy to carry around when Birch is vagabond. Extremely light luggage.

- Torben also gifts Essi with a locket encapsulated with the essence of a star. Just enough heat and light to illuminate her way and keep her warm at night. It’s her prized possession. 

- Birch is ace and a he/him nonbinary. He’s not entirely sure if he’s aro as he feels pretty picky about close friends too. but romance has never appealed to him much. 

- Essi is bi. She’s only briefly been involved with like 3 people before meeting the love of her life, Sislaf. 

- Torben is as fluid as can be. He doesnt really have a way to describe his sexuality, he just knows that he loves and loves and loves a lot. He’s a bit like Mymble in the sense that he dates a lot and is always very naive and devoted right away, only to get himself hurt later. He’s quite sensitive about all that.

Futures

- Once the kids are grown, they do end up going their separate ways in life but remain close and visit eachother frequently. They keep in contact by letters. Birch is eternally pissed about his messy handwriting compared to Essi’s beautiful scrawl and Torben’s neat yet flashy one.

- Torben becomes the Moominvalley Witch, now that Alicia’s family have moved on to other places. He builds himself a small cottage on the outskirts so he can have time alone to think and brew. He’s still a walking distance from his parents home though. Flying distance if he’s feeling lazy.  

- Birch’s travels become longer and in time and through word of mouth, the tale he tells become quite well known. He’s a famous storyteller now, whether he wants to be or not. Luckily, he’s begrudgingly embraced it (better than Snufkin did with his fame) and spends a lot of time in taverns, entertaining the regulars.

- Essi was the one who found it the hardest to grow up. Shes a family oriented person so she didnt want to be alone but she also dreamed of adventure and couldnt just drag her whole family along with her (especially her papas who were at the point where they just wanted to rest and settle down) But she found her calling. Criminal. Leader of a pack of criminals actually. Some were old friends from moominvalley, some she met along the way but Essi was lucky enough to find herself a group that became like a family to her. They traveled land and sea, doing all the righteous work and righting the injustices that Snufkin used to do. Only this time, its not just one little man. Its one little woman and her gang. 

- The siblings meet up a lot, usually around a campfire where they share a pipe and laugh about nostalgia. Torben’s particularly good at animating the smoke into moving images, while Birch tells a story to accompany it  and Essi claps along. And even when shes grown and tough, during moments like this Essi still feels the comforting warmth of being a baby sister

[deityplay-blog]

           ❛❛  -------------- simultaniously the worst && dumbest human being  !!

      wrow. i’m sick as a dog but let’s do this !! :’)  hey hey hey, im ornn. always tired. im 20, she/them not picky tbh, and i’m in the est. i’m going to try and make this short && sweet but my intros ?? ever short ?? we’ll try and make it a first djsadj. this is my trash son charon roth. he’s uhhh piece of work. not a lot of redeeming qualities tbh --- but ig that means a lot of room for development rIP. 

(harry styles, cismale) CHARON ROTH, the ICHOR VEINED is TWENTY-THREE and a SENIOR. HE is majoring in THEATER. In addition to being Quentin’s CRITIC, they are part of the Imperium Society. CHARON was probably selected because HE HAS BUILT HIMSELF A REPUTATION ON BROADWAY. They remind me of THE ARTIFICIAL WARMTH OF SPOTLIGHTS, NECKLACES PAIRED WITH UNDONE BUTTONS, SOLILOQUIES WHISPERED BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, AND SEIZED OPPORTUNITIES. 

distinguished bi adljslk

born in london, england. 

90% ego, 10% bad decisions

i say he was quentin’s critic but tbh he’s probably everyone’s critic.

had a relatively normal upbringing. despite a snobby attitude, he didn’t come from old money or rich parents. his parents always supported his acting and pushed it - went to his plays, drove him to rehearsals, started helping him when he wanted to go bigger than the school plays or small local theaters. listen. the early days were GOOD. he was still humble, he was building up a resume, and his career was blooming. 

while he’s still a young teen his family decides to uproot and take it to NYC, his mother’s job wanted her to be relocated and given they way charon was going there was probably no better place to be. he’d complete high school in america, bag himself a cute little high school sweetheart, but with each passing role, his head gets a little bit bigger.

baby was on broadway bUT god he was becoming insufferable. he was the starring role in all aspects of his life. une petite primadonna. 

it's probably why he applied to ashcroft because he wanted !! the !! best !! 

so he gets in. says adieu to NYC and decides to get a little closer to home by moving to scotland for the university. at this point, he thinks he’s everything, he’s made it. so he asks his girlfriend to move up there with him. which she does. they’re young and wild.  they’re freshly twenty one and because we haven’t fucked things up enough !! he decides to pop the question because in his eyes they’re forever. this is the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with, thanks. 

surprise !! that doesn’t last long. i’d say the engagement lasted a little under a year - and then she broke it off. while he wouldn’t recognize it, he really wasn’t the same person he was at the start. he was full of himself. full tilt diva. 

which is about when he went from just having a big ego to also being a huge asshole !!! and making people’s lives awful. a natural at thinking he was just too good for people, even in one of the most prestigious groups ; the imperium society. 

i’d say that’s probably why he didn’t like quentin. people admired him, in the eyes of some perfect --- and wow !! that’s just competition to charon !! 

he also went and cut off his parents because he felt they were mooching off him and the relationship was getting unhealthy. they didn’t actually care about him like they use to.

so he’s a mess !!!  

:’) but i love him.

i’ll put some wanted connection ideas below that might also give some details on him && help with ploting if anyone wants  ♥ !!

friendships before he went real awful. he may have never been humble but he wasn’t always this cold. i’d love to see people he may have been friendly with in the past !! 

best friend - maybe cut off now. someone he confided in && probably really liked. get me emotional like maybe someone he was considering to be his best man/woman at his wedding or bounced ideas off them !! but now maybe they don’t get along like they use to or charon being himself acts like he’s too good for them now. 

one-night stands !! because he’s probably the KING of one night stands than pretending he’s NEVER seen you before in his life. feel like he’s always trying to chase that feeling of being in love by hooking up w/ way too many people sjdkasld.

adding on to that !! one-night stand that actually maybe he caught feelings skdaskld - this can be totally unreciprocated. he might not even be open about it. but maybe someone he like actually thinks about. like maybe it could work or could have ???  closed !!

give me SERIOUS enemies. i want mutual hatreds. or rivals. tension, baby !! 

maybe im a sucker but someone he’s a lil soft on. this is probably like a select few. maybe he chalks it up to pitty. but someone he doesn’t spit venom at. maybe not outwardly kind but not mean :’) or fleeting moments of kindness when no one is looking. or he’s an asshole or indifferent around everyone else but in private he’s actually a lil soft - or more like an older charon. 

ksdsklad honestmeme feel free to throw ideas at me !!! i’m too easy going for my own good but i’m super excited to be here asldjsakd. 

i think that sums it up. awfully but skdjsad. i’m always open to plots !! i dont use my discord much so the IMs is probably the best place to reach me !! i have REALLY early work tomorrow but my muse is high so bless me w/ your beauty :’)

i also threw togther a messy PINTEREST !!

[icypantherwrites]

I'm super sorry if you've already answered this question before, but do you think you'll write about other shows/media in the future? I really love your stuff, and even though I'm kind of branching off from Voltron, I still read every new work you have on Ao3

Aw, no need to apologize hun. I don’t think this question has actually come up.

That said, probably not. I’m sort of walking away from fanfiction all together. I might consider the idea for an ATLA fic (still debating if it would be a Zuko/Sokka bromance or a Zutara or maybe, somehow, a combination of both although that seems a little ambitious ;p) but otherwise I am planning to focus all of my attention on my novel. 

If something really inspires me for sure, I’m not permanently sealing up the door or anything. It’s just time I think for me to step mostly away. May still read some though although my picky ass likes like... four authors at this point xDD Maybe I’d be inclined to go browsing beyond bookmarked reader’s other bookmarks though with the new free time xD

I’m touched though you’re still reading my works. I know I certainly still read fics in old fandoms I enjoyed; just because the series ended doesn’t mean your love for it has to (no matter how it ended ;p).

[legisaskerator]

vent vent vent

buckle up bastards this is gonna be long as FUCK

holy fucking shit my life yhas been so goddamn hard recently and i’m not handling it well

first and foremost on my mind at this second is the fact that i am in so much fucking pain right now i do not know what to do. my EDS is acting up really really badly and i’m super bedridden right now. i took my last vicodin and i have no idea when i can get more, or how, and i have like nothing to help. i had to leave class today to weep in the fuckin bathroom because i can barely walk and even sitting up is a struggle. if i felt this sort of pain three years ago i would have likely considered doing something VERY rash to stop it and i’m amazed i’m still, almost functioning. i can barely think i’m in agony i want it to end

i’m so scared this is just the next turn that eds is taking. i know i wont ever get better but fuck, i dont want to need a mobility aid yet. i’m only fucking 22 i have to be a teacher!!! how can i fucking teach if i cant write on a board?? or maneuver around classrooms? how will i ever get a job? or even just. live in the house of my dreams. i wish there was some help for me because i am tired of ehlers danlos running my life. i am scared for my future. i cant imagine who i will become if this level of pain becomes my “normal”. someone move me to mass so i can get legal weed to try to numb myself

on the same path of injury, my mother recently injured herself very badly and was hospitalized for a little w hile. ended up needing surgery to put rods and screws and plates in her leg/ankle, and as a result, she’s not functioning for the next 12 weeks. i’m doing my best to help out aroudn the house and i’m filling in for her at work. she does advertising for a newspaper and brings the papers to subscribing businesses,, which i’m taking over now. at least i like driving?

i love my mom and i will do anythign to help her, but god it’s such a load on my shoulders. i’m  upset and frustrated because i’m strugtgling to balance my life around this sudden responsibility. it’s definitely not her i’m upset about, it’s not like she did this purposefully??? she needs the help and i am willing to give it. but i am also allowed to feel these emotions. i am upset at the /situation/. her boyf and my sister are barely helping and they’re neglectful and distant. i’m the only emotionally present one in the family and also (aside from mom) am the only nurturing, caring one in the household. i keep her from having panic attacks, i keep her anxiety down, i’m warm and i try so goddamn hard to make sure shes ok. but it’s exhausting. i’m keeping my family together it feels like, everythings crashing down and i’m the only “sane” one. which is sad because ive been a depressed wreck for weeks and have been working on scraping myself off the fucking pavement, trying to get out of the spiral. i’m scared that my mom relies so much on me. she tells me everything, things i don’t want to hear. relationship troubles primarily. i know i give great advice and am ~wise beyond my years~ (thanks trauma) but, that’s what her therapist is for. i’ve told her i wish she would, tell me less, because as her daughter it’s uncomfortable, and she always overreacts like “oh i’ll never tel you anything again if it’s so terrible then” and i end up feeling fucking awful, and it’s a nightmare. but if things keep going the way they are in their relationship (i’m not gonna spill deets because, privacy still) we might lose our house!!! and everything we’ve finally worked for!!

so i feel like, if i can’t fix this problem, it’ll be my fault our lives come crashing down.

i know that’s ridiculous. it’s not my job. 

but it still feels like it

i never feel like i’m doing enough. just in life in general. i’m not good enough i’m not working hard enough i just am not enough. i was very saturated with child prodigy shit when i was younger and that fucked up my psyche so much. it’s still thrown at me by my father, americas got talent and movies where the protag is a ~genius~. i hate it. ill never be that and i know that’s what my dad wants of me. i’m not the next bill gates i just want to be a teacher and live my life!!!! i don’t want to start a band and get famous!!!! i dont want to run a business!! i don’t want to revolutionize the world!! just let me please! follow my heart!!!!!! i can’t fucking stand it when he tries to tell me what to do with my life it makes me want to scream and wail and sjafkl; fd fjasfg;akldf

i can’t do this, man. 

i’m so alone. i’m sick of the slut life. i’ve been hoeing around for a year and it’s taking a massive toll on my self esteem and sanity. i’s a terrible coping mechanism and i’m very very not healthy about it. i only have sex when i’m heavily under the influence of something and use it as a way of getting attention, which is, awful. i often forgo protection because it’s ~inconvenient~ and the second a guy protests, i’ll cave because i ~live to please~ and don’t want to start shit. i can’t keep doing this. hooking up is the only time people ever touch me. i just want a fuckign hug sometimes

i keep seeing so many posts like “you can’t love another if you don’t love yoursel!” and “people aren’t your medicine” but what if??? they can be to an extent?? part of being uber depressed is self-isolation and i’m so, sick of it. i need some fucking comfort because right now i am suffering through my life alone and it’s so difficult. it’s not as easy as just, settling though. i’m picky with my lovers because?? i deserve someone good? everyone that’s been coming through my life like, has a fatal flaw that i just can’t do. like long term compatability is risked for me with that shit.like, too introverted, too emotionally distant, people who just aren’t smart, i can’t do it?? i just want someone who’s going to comfort me when i need it, who i can have a healthy debate with, and someone who respects my life choices and things i do. 

i’ve been talking to one guy recently who, i was hoping maybe could have been a potential. he’s super nice and considerate/respectful, hes HELLA smart, adores a bunch of the same stuff i’m into, we talk really well together, i feel comfortabgle around him, gotta say he’s hot as fuck too...and he just wants friends with benefits. I respect that. i was in a similar spot literally last semester, there was a pretty great guy but i just wasn’t in the right space for a relationship. so friends with benefits. i don’t blame this new guy for not wanting a relationship he has every right!! but oh god it hurts a little. i worry that it’s me, that i’m just a good pussy for him, or a convenient lay who’s down to clown like 99% of the time. he’s been talking to me less recently and i’m worried that he’s...done with me. idk if that’s true or if i’m just reading into it but i’m in a VERY vulnerable place right now in my life, and i really need someone by my side for it. i need the support and warmth. 

i wish my warmth would comfort me. i wish i could turn my nurturing attitude around and help myself. i wish i didn’t need smoene else for comfort. i’m a fuckin libra tho i live for romance

this guys’ great though. i hope he sticks around at least for a little bit longer. i want to learn more bout lovecraft.

my sluttiness is my biggest qualm with myself right now. it’s definitely a huge problem in my life, it’s actively causing me problems. my one friend (because, i have only one fucking friend i can actually talk to. that’s it i hAVE ONE i’m so goddamn l,onely) has been like, coaching me through making better decisions? i’m very impulsive and he’s got great advice and is quick to be like “then don’t” and shit. i’m trying really hard to make sure i dont use him as a therapist though, that’s unfair to him. i’m respectful and all that shit don’t worry bout htat. he’s a huge help to me and has been my absolute rock through college, idk where i’d be without him. he also introduced me to his friend group, who are all really amazing people? they welcomed me with open arms and no ones ever done that before. i’m always super outcasted cause i’m weird and i wont hide it because it’s ME goddamnit! but these people, they’re weird too, they’re freaks and outcasts and, while they’ve all been very close friends since they were wee tots, they still welcomed me in. they still wanted me to be part of them. i’m getting to know all of them still, but i’ve got hope that, maybe i’ve got some lifelong friends now. at the very least, i’m sure i’ve got one. 

onto phase 4 of my fuckin monologue i guess, topic SHIFT

my thesis is a mess and it’s due in three weeks, i’ve barely gotten anything done because my teacher is awful and i’m worried i’m gonna fail the course

which would be SUPER bad because, i’ve had this teacher too many times and we do not get along, she loathes my existence, and i really just need to get out. shes partly the reason i need an extra fucking year at school and i always DREAD going to her class. it’s humiliating and discouraging to spend three hours every monday there. no one else likes this professor, they’re only here becuase the school loooooves the researchers and writers. complaints dont matter. all of my other classes are fine but this one has been probably the worst, most emotionally devastating class i’ve ever taken

i don’t even get to write about a topic i want. i was forced to write about the play i was in, instead of Monty Python like i wanted (it’s a fucking comedy class!!!!!) the play is about SCHOOL SHOOTINGS (we won some national awards teehee it’s an outstanding play). yes it’s a “black comedy” but not really? it’s a drama with comedic moments? and i KNOW THIS cause i’ve been studying comedy with this professor for like three cumulative years at this point. i’m struggling beacuse there’s zero research, zero information, and has to be over 20 pages long??? like fuck? i’m so fucked

anyway thanks for coming to my TED talk. i’ve been wanting to make a vent post for like weeks but i haven’t had the time or energy and , i really needed to just....get this out. i feel a little better having all the words down. there’s still so much else going wrong in my life that i could talk about, all the car troubles, my other classes, dorm shit, but, it doesn’t matter in the light of these issues. i can get through this. i just gotta keep fighting. 

oh and if anyones like, worried, i’m not suicidal, i’m not going to do that, there’s no chance of that hpapening. i’m in a very bad place but i’m never gonig back there if i can fucking help it

[celestia-edits]

rules: answer these questions then tag 20 people you’d like to know better

nickname: hm, i guess kin names? i have some nicknames from other timelines, so i’ll just go with ki-ha since i’m partly in a maki shift and that was one of many things ouma called me.

height: i think i’m about 5′2″

time: 

favorite band/artist: and dont often pay attention to the artists of the songs i listen to. set it off and billie eilish are the ones i find myself listening to the most, probably.

song stuck in my head: i usually listen to music loud enough i can hardly think, so the only song in my head right now is smoke and mirrors, metal cover.

last movie I saw: i never watch movies,,, maybe skyscraper? that was like a month or more ago asjfjkhgh

last thing i googled: “usami sprite” cause i was working on that stimboard

other blogs: @im-the-ace-up-my-sleeve is my main. i also run @memorysuggest. that’s p much it. maybe once i finish the blog charas i’ll start an art blog.

do I get asks: not really. i answer p quick though, so that might change my perception.

why I chose this username: it’s pretty self explanatory, so i’ll say my main blogs name reasoning. it’s a shitty pun on secret tricks and my sexuality.

following: 215.

what I’m wearing: jeans, a hoodie, sweatshirt, and few other layers, and a ring my girlfriend gave me. glasses too, but i don’t know if those count.

dream trip: i don’t really know. i don’t like traveling very much, so i’ve never thought about it. 

favorite food: i don’t like food. my two moods are “I Will Put Something Impossibly Sweet Inside My Mouth Or Nothing At All And If You Make Me Eat I’ll Kill Everyone And Then Starve Myself”, (by impossibly sweet, i mean like it’s physically impossible bcs sweet stuff doesn’t taste good after it gets to a certain point, but everything before that point isn't enough) or “i hate all food but i will tolerate this bcs i dont have a choice.” i don’t really consider myself picky tho bcs i’ll tolerate most food and am almost never in mood one.

play any instruments: i know a little ukulele, but i haven’t played in awhile.

hair color: super dark brown. it looks black.

most iconic song: everytime we touch, by cascada. i honestly love that song don’t @ me for this

random fact: i like moths but never actively search for things on them because i feel like they won’t feel special anymore. the only difference between moths and i is moths like light and i don’t. otherwise i relate to moths. also i ate five oranges earlier even though i wasn’t hungry at all.

describe yourself as an aesthetic thing: i don’t really know if this means a type of aesthetic or a pretty concept so i’ll say one of each, which’ll be menhera and solitude in a major city apartment.

i cant think of twenty people so i’ll tag @danganronpeas @exestatic @ambeer6 @kaioshit and @teddiebearie

[nightcourtstarlight]

Garden Dancing part 2

Well, its been about 87 years since the fisrt part came out. sorry about that, school has been kicking my ass its been a rough time. But it here! FINALLY! and i’m happy to share it with you all! 

Oh and by the way, there will be atleast 5 more parts ( whoopie) and yes they are drafted and ya know.. they exist. 

Welp I dont know how good this part is but I’ll let you get to it!

Read the first part here on Ao3

@rosehallshadowsinger @daycourtsunlight

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

I listened as Feyre laughed brightly at something Cassian said. Rhys sat next to her, an arm draped around the back of the chair. They were the epitome of happiness, it radiated and glowed in the midday sun.

We were all gathered in the backyard of the new manor. Nesta and Cassian chatted quietly now. You could see what their conversation was about even if you couldn't hear the words telling by the way Cassian's lips brushed her ear ever so slightly and a red blush rose on nestas cheeks. I took note of how their fingers were tightly intertwined as they went back and forth in their discussion.

I sighed and looked away. So this was it. I'd finally become the third wheel. Not even Mor of Amren could keep me entertained, for they had gone to the summer court to see Varian. Who would have thought Amren would fall in love, though the last time one of us had pointed it out she promised to rip out our tongues. I shivered at the thought. Varian deserves a medal for being brave enough to pursue her.

Since both of my sisters had long forgotten about the conversation we were having I decided id take a walk through the very large garden. I discreetly stood and made my way to the rose garden. The sun streamed through the leaves of the tree overhead and warmed my skin. I let my fingers flutter over the soft rose petals as I wandered, lost in thought.

I wonder where Azriel is. Perhaps he was on a mission. Now that I think about it I haven't seen him in a few days. I hope he's ok. I chuckle to myself. That's silly, of course, he's fine. He's the shadow singer. SpyMaster of the night court.

I pluck a flower off of the bush and behind picking off the petals.

I wonder if he's eaten yet.

Just then I feel my muscles coil and tighten. My vision changes from me looking at the rose hudge to light filtering through wings and powder on a marble surface.

Just as quickly as it comes, I'm thrown back into reality. The flower drops out of my hand as I slump back on the bench. My head pounds with a dull ache.  

I don't even notice the shadows around me grow and stretch as I rub at my eyes, willing myself to make sense of the scene that just unfolded. Suddenly something starts blocking the sun. I look up, dazed, to see Azriel towering over me.

His arms were crossed and his wings were stretched out wide, blocking the sun.

My vision… I thought as I watched the sunlight illuminate every vain and tendon. Azriels eyes flicked over me from head to toe

“Are you ok, Elain?” Az unfolded his arms and slid onto the bench next to me. I sighed and laid my head on his shoulder. One arm came up to brush the hair out of my face while the other pulled me closer to him.

“It was a vision,” I murmured, letting his cool rainy forest scent soothe me.

“What about?” his fingers rubbed mall circles on my back.

"I saw wings, and I think-” I sighed feeling another dull throb pound through my head. At least it's getting better “ I think they were yours,”

“I see,” Az mumbled.

“How did you now?”

“My shadows tell me things. I like to keep tabs on important things and people,” Hi voice was smooth and deep as silk.

“I’m important?”

“Of course. Your my high lady’s sister,”

I tried not to feel the stab of pain in my heart at that. I wish he saw me as someone more than just the High Lady's sister because I see him as so much more than just the Spymaster of the night court.

“And you're my friend,” Warmth spread through my body at that. If friendship was all he was willing to give then I would take it, and cherish it for as long as I am able to.

“Where were you?” I asked

“So many questions today Love,”

“Well, you left me to sit between Feyre and Rhys blatant touching and Cassian and Nestas sexual tension,”

I was delightfully rewarded with a deep chuckle.

“I was meeting with some of my operatives,”

“I forgot you have your own people that work with you,”

“Good, that's the point,” he quipped. I could hear the amusement in his voice

I whacked him on the chest  “ Hey!” I squeaked. I couldn't help but smile though, he was just so charming.

“You're probably hungry, let's go find you something to eat,” He stood and pulled me to my feet. I looped my arm through him as he leads us through the garden. The sun was now lower in the sky. Sunset was probably only a few hours away. I listened to the bumbling rush of the Sidra as we walked. Honestly, I was surprised it didn’t cut right through the garden.

I peeked up at Azriel, taking note of his relaxed expression. Usually, he always had a slight frown on his full plump lips, but today he looked at ease.

“You’re staring," he chuckled

“ Am not! I-I just noticed how peaceful you look,” I trailed off, praying he wouldn’t see the blush on my cheeks.

“You’re very easy to be around,”

“Thank you. You are too,”

We finally made it out of the rose grove and swiftly walked past the couples.

“I might blind myself if I have to see their touching one more time," Azriel muttered so low I almost didn’t catch it. I laughed and bumped my shoulder into his.  

“Az!”

I swear a tinge of red color his cheeks, but he merely shrugged as we slipped into the kitchen.

Az walked over to the pantry and pulled the doors open wide. I heard him rummaging as I came to stand by the sink.

“What do you want to eat?” he asked

“Perhaps we can make summer corn chowder. I know Nuala just bought fresh tomatoes.”

“That sounds lovely,”

We began gathering ingredients. Az found spices while I gathered corn, tomatoes and other things to make the soup. We made quick work of putting the ingredients together. I watched, spellbound, as he chops the vegetables. The way the knife glides in his hands with ease. The flex of his wrist and furrow of his brow as he concentrates. My cheeks catch on fire as his gaze flickers up to mine and lingers for a moment before dropping back down to the counter. Luckily he doesn’t say anything, but a small smirk does play on his lips.

I hum and turn back to the stove. The soup bubbles and releases a heavenly scent as I slowly stir it. I feel my stomach rumble and idly think that I hadn't realized how hungry I was. When was the last time I ate today anyway? I had a pastry and tea with Nula this morning. She had come over for brunch and I was slightly surprised Cerridwen wasn't with her. "Duty calls" was all Nuala offered when I had asked. I took that as a sign not to push. Perhaps it was a mission for Azriel, and best to know less about it.

I startled out of my thoughts as Azriel reaches his long, solid arms around me to dump the chopped peppers and tomatoes into the pot. His scent wraps around me and I bite my cheek to keep from breathing it in. Azriel moves away and comes to lean against the counter, popping a chunk of tomato in his mouth as he does so.

“When's the last time you ate today Azriel?” I stammered, reaching for anything to fill the silence. Usually, I had no problem sitting in that comfortable silence with Azriel. It was always a kind of content comfort with him, to just know that you didn't need to continuously fill the gaps in conversation. That it was ok to just… drift.

But with the way Azriel had his curious inquisitive face on, ( it all showed in his swirling hazel eyes), I found myself a bit more nervous to just let him blurt out whatever he was bound to say. This had been the first thing that came to my mind.

He considered it for a moment, chewing on a piece of pepper thoughtfully this time before saying. “ I had an apple for breakfast”

“An apple? That’s it?” I frowned a turned to him. I should have suspected, with the way he had to think about it. He merely nodded and started munching on an apple that was in a fruit bowl on the counter. That also explains the snacking. “Az you need to eat more than just an apple! Look at you, you’re as big as a barn!”

Another smirk played on his lips as I reprimanded “Stop snacking Az. You'll ruin your appetite!” he released an easy chuckle and finished off the apple, chucking the core in the compost bin. I sighed and turned back to the soup. It was nearly done thankfully. I gave it a few turns as I asked: “Why don’t you eat often Azriel?”

“I eat often,”

I laminated a stare at him. He bit his lip and mumbled, “Ok maybe not as much as I should but I do...”

“Why?”

“Cassian used to do the cooking, but he stopped because I'm too picky of an eater. I've been managing though,” He looked so bashful as he said it. I willed a wall of ice to form over my heart like Nesta. Az is my friend and nothing more, but despite my best efforts, his sincere shyness seemed to melt through it anyway.

“Hmm,”  I hummed and walked over to the cabinet where the bowls were kept. I flick open the door and just as I start reaching up on the tips of my toes, Az’s shadow laced hand reaches up and grabbed the bowls.

“Thanks,” I smile up at him, but try not to linger. After moving back to the stove I quickly pour him a bowl of soup and slice off a piece of bread to go along with it.

I set it on the counter and push it towards him “Eat Azriel,” I say.

His eyes flicker from my face to the bowl, back to my face, back to the bowl again before he slowly picked up the spoon and took a bite.

Satisfied, Elain got to work making sandwiches to go with the soup. No one can just have soup for lunch and not grow hungry within the hour, she thought as she sliced another tomato. She then pulled sliced turkey breast and cheese from the icebox and bread from the bread box.

“How do you like your sandwich?” she asked

“You don't have to, I’m pic-,”

“It's really no problem Az," She interrupted smoothly.

Azriel pressed his lips together into a hard line before he sighed and murmured a few directions. “Can you put mayo on one slice of bread and Mustard on the other?” Elain beamed and started spreading the condiments. Then he spoke “Two lettuce leaves on the mayo side please and then a thick slice of tomato,”

Elain felt her lips quirk as he ground out his order as if asking for a simple sandwich made the way he likes it brings him physical pain. He then bashfully instructed her to put a healthy slice of cheddar on top of the tomato.

When Az’s uncomfortable shuffling finally fell silent she looked up just as she was about to put a slice of turkey on to top it off.

“Anything else Az?” she asked. She watched, bemused as he gnawed on his bottom lip, yes actually chewing it off, before he sighed and said “I actually prefer ham,”

“ Ok, that's fine!” Elain trilled as she walked over to the ice box and swapped the turkey for sliced ham. Now that she thought about it, she probably should have asked what meat Azriel wanted in the first place instead of just grabbing turkey.

Elain finally returned to the counter and finished assembling the sandwich. She put it on a plate and added another bowl of soup just to be safe and slid it across the counter. Az looked down at the plate and then back up.

“Az! Stop looking guilty and just eat it before I do!” A small smile flickered across his face and his shoulder relaxed an inch as he finally took a bite of the sandwich. He released a low hum that for a moment sounded like something… very different.... His eye flickered shut for a moment and he finished chewed and swallowed. In no time Elain assembled her own and took up a spot next to Azriel. When they finally flickered back open his gaze locked with her own.

“Good?”

“Perfect!” and the smile he had on his face could have lit up any darkness. The night sky its self.

Then we ate in silence for a few moments. Azriel ate his sandwich in record time.  There wasn't a crumb left. By the time I had finished my own he was polishing off his second bowl of soup.

“Az eating is important, everyone needs to do it, Fae or not,”

“I know,”

"I could”I trailed off, gathering my courage," I could help you. I wouldn't mind making your lunch or breakfast,” I peeked at him from the corner of my eye and saw he was staring at me with a look I couldn't place. Wonder, confusion, curiosity?

“I couldn't ask that of you Elain,”

“You don't have to. It would make me feel better to know you're eating right,”

“You really don't have to-,”

“Az,” I drawled as he scooped up our empty bowls and plates and put them in the sink

He sighed and turned back to face me. His eyes were bright but his bottom lip was caught between his white teeth. “If you feel you must you can, but just remember I don't expect you to make my meals. I can take care of myself Elain,”

“I know that,” I said gently and came to stand next to him by the sink. I picked up a towel and began drying the dishes he had washed. We finished in silence and I passed him the towel to dry his hands on. His hair fell into his eyes as he swiped the cloth over his intricately scared hands. I heart speed up as I gazed at him. He was by far the most handsome male I'd ever seen, from his scars to his cool indifferent looks. My heart started to pound as I leaned up on the tips of my toes and pressed a butterfly's kiss to his tan cheek.

“It's my pleasure Azriel, thank you for allowing me to help you like how you help me every day,” I whispered. He was still as stone as I stepped away and walked out of the kitchen. My cheeks burned as I grabbed my cloak and swung it over my shoulders, eager to leave before my legs gave out.

It's ok, I thought. Friends are allowed to gives kisses on the cheek. It wasn't like it was long. Merely a brush of the lips! A show of endearment.

Why was her heart beating like a hummingbird's wings then?

Az was frozen by the sink, where Elain had left him. The sensation of her lips pressed against his skin still ghosted his cheek with warmth. His hands balled into fists and he struggled to regain my thoughts.

Elain is my friend. It was a friendly kiss on the cheek, and nothing more. It would be improper to of him to think of it as anything more than that. And worst for him to think of it for longer than this moment, Azriel thought as he started putting the dishes away.

Yes, he would just forget about it. It was safer that way. Elain was his kind and noble friend.

Yet... he couldn't help but wish there could be something more...

No! He shook his head at that and kicked a cabinet closed. Elain had a mate and... he was ... he was him. Scared and bruised and broken with too many years trapped in darkness. How could he ever put that on Elain? shed already been through so much and didn't deserve to be weighed down with him.

He should just be content with the fact that she allowed him to be her friend, he thought with dismay.

Azriel had just finished putting away the dished when Rhysand and Cassian barged into the kitchen with a loud clatter.

"This is why we can't have nice things in this house," Azriel sighed and walked over to righting the picture frame they had knocked over.

"Why are you brooding Az? It's not even 5 o'clock yet, too early for brooding," Cassian quipped as he went to the icebox. He was obviously drunk as a sailor.

"Why are you Drunk Cassian? It's not even 5 o'clock," Azriel ground out, throwing the words back into his face. His shadows swirled around him as his mood worsened. I wasn't in the mood to deal with his drunk, idiot brothers.

Rhys and Cassian shared a look before Rhysand murmured into his cup "Is it Elain?"

Azriel ground his teeth together, feeling his wings flare a bit at the mention of the exact subject of his thoughts. "No"

"Right," Cassian said, who had returned from the icebox with a new bottle of wine. " Try not to brood too much az, she's crazy about you,"He said and disappeared out the door with Rhys following behind.

Azriel heaved and aggravated sigh before flexing his wings and disappearing into the shadows, eager to get away from his annoyingly intrusive brothers.

_Elain_

The next morning I awoke a bit earlier than usual and got dressed. Azriel is probably already awake, I thought as I looked through my cabinets for something suitable to make. After a bit of contemplation and a large mug of blueberry green tea, I decided on a classic that I knew Azriel liked. On the odd occasion that we all had breakfast together like after Starfall or on Feyre’s birthday, he would order 3 fried eggs, toast, and fried ham.

Getting to Azreils house was simple enough. He had told me the address the night he had taken me out for dinner. I strode up to his dark wood front door with my cloth covered basket and knocked.

There was silence for a moment before footsteps pounded towards the door and it swung open on silent hinges.

Azriel filled the entire threshold, dressed in a grey training tunic and leather training pants. His hair fell into his eyes, still wet from a shower. I hadn't realized I was starting until he blinked at me and ushered me inside with a soft come in.

“Just get done training?”

“Yes but I,” he rubbed the back of his neck “I hadn't expected you so soon,”

His house was minimally but nicely decorated. The walls were a pale grey and he had a painting probably made by Feyre of a cliff overlooking an ocean on the far wall. He had a couch and two white chars over an eggshell white rug. It was lovely.

“You must be hungry,” I said and turned back to him. His lips quirked in the lightest of smiles

“A bit,” he took the basket from me and started walking towards the kitchen. When he saw I hadn't followed he turned back to me with a curious look.

“Oh uh, I really should be going. I was just going to drop it off-,”

In two stride he was in front of me again. His beautify hand gently circled my wrist and pulled me forward. “Eat with me Elain, please. I wouldn't feel right just taking it,”

My stubborn front crumbled like a cracker and I finally allowed him to lead me to the kitchen. It was also simple, with grey-black marble countertops and white cabinets. He pulled out my chair for me to sit and began unpacking the food. He then grabbed some plates and forks.

We ate in near silence, only parted but the occasional question I asked or he asked. It was a comfortable silence that I could only share with Azriel.

We were washing the dishes together when a clock’s bell somewhere in the house struck out noon.

“Oh, it’s late! I’m sorry Az I have to go. Nesta wants me to go with her to the Library under the House of Wind,” I folded the navy towel I was holding and placed it by the sink. Azriel nodded and lead me back to the front door with a hand on the small of my back “I had a lovely time with you, but I always do,” I said with a wink as I pulled my cloak over my shoulders. Azriel leaned against the door frame with a content smile.

“As did I and the food was delicious by the way,”

“Thank you,” I smiled at him, feeling a blush rise to my cheeks. I cursed myself on the inside, stop blushing every time Azriel pays you a compliment! Azriel opened his mouth to say something and then closed it. He rightened himself and rubbed the back of his neck, letting his mouth open and close with unsaid words again.

Eventually, he settled on “Goodbye Elain,”

I felt myself deflate with that. What had he been trying to say? I nodded and let my eyes drop to look at the basket in my hands. “Goodbye Azriel,” I said with a small smile and finally swept down the stone path and out into the noonday sun.

.Thanks for reading!