#i dont remember saying anything worthy of speaking i just cant

[moliathh]

This had been irking me so i have to say it. I know Hellsing is a horror media with a LOT of flashy action scene, however, it is unjust to see it as solely gore and fights. I've seen complaints about how adding a "romance" in will reduce the quality of the story as an "action horror". (specifically speaking is between Alucard and Integra because of course in the end of the day this is just ship war, not a serious discussion whatsoever) I would argue that Hellsing is never ONLY about the actions. Yall might have already noticed how Alucard is too OP, and it was not even because he got any tricks up his sleeves. He is simply invincible, his mechanism is just that hes a "deus ex machina". He did NAWT need to start out with zero and levelling up like your common action anime protagonist. It's not a first time a central character is overpowered in an unreasonable way. A way you could interpret this trope is that it was not about battles, not the physcial one, but the development in their characteristic, their thoughts and emotions and ideology all that stuffs. A classic example is Sir Gawain and The Green Knight (TGK), where all of their (physical) battles are nonsense and did not mean anything in terms of combat, they dont even fight each other, even the climax (the decapitation of TGK) was dismissed into a looney tunes moment. BECAUSE OF COURSE IT WAS NEVER ABOUT THE BATTLE NOR PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT, it was the internal struggle and maturing in character. THAT is what's happening in Hellsing IF yall look pass the very flashy facade of gore scenes Hirano put up. READ BETWEEN THE LINES, because he's not gonna hand it out to you on a plate. If you want to see how each character developed you have to look closely at their reactions and dialogues, not how they fight.

SO, imo, it's reducing the quality and message of Hellsing to interpret it solely as an action horror media, not the other way around. AND MIND YOU, romance subplot and action horror can coexist. For what does the character fight? A higher ideal? Power? Fun? Love? All that is noteworthy to think about when you engage in a media display many fight scenes. DONT YOU WANNA KNOW WHY THEY FIGHT THAT HARD ???? and in this case it is VERY obvious that Alucard is motivated by Integra. LIKE it cant be more obvious

And I'm so tired of seeing "Alucard only listen to Integra because of the seal and shes a Hellsing". Bestie, he literally ripped Richard's hand off, we dont even know the extent of the seal, like how far? or can it REALLY control Alucard? Besides, if you have read The Dawn you would see what a damn lazy ass Alucard was, Arthur sent him on a mission and he didn't even bother to walk on his own and just sleep safe and sound in his coffin until he felt like waking up??? Compare that to his enthusiasm to beg Integra on four just for her order and even purposefully tick her off by asking about her enthusiasm for war, oh and did we collectively forget this

(This is the Dark Horse eng scan if i remember correctly? i might be mistaken idk)

Sure it could just be a mere parallel, "The woman he personally desired" might only means Mina Harker and not directly Integra herself, I see. But, why bother choosing this parallel, and RIGHT after this panel he went STRAIGHT to Integra to ask for her order.

You know how enthusiastic he is with a fight and everything was already laid before him, worthy enemies and all. Yet he would not act without her words? I did not see him needing permission before ripping Richard's hand off... Also the seal did NAWT ask him to do all this

There are more of his sickening and excessive display of obedience but i don't have time to pull the panels out yet, but we all know its there since Alucard's submissive attitude and Integra's bossy demeanour is one of their most appealing traits, I know, because it is literally one of the BIGGEST selling points and running joke of the fandom, funnyyyy how people always love to call Alucard a sub and use words such as "freaky" and "slutty" to call him as if he didn't reserved this treatment for ONLY Integra. Sure Integra is a demanding boss to even her enemies, and it works like wonder everytime, because she's Integra, she mastered Alucard, others are just piece of cake to her. But that's not the same case with Alucard. Major literally said "She is the only authority Alucard recognizes". And have Alucard extended the phrase "My master" and all the begging and insinuating jokes to anyone else? It's so convenient isnt it, to just take one specific trait of Alucard's personality and make it his entire character without considering to WHO he directed those innuendos to.

Oh and I haven't walk us to the final chapter yet, like the seal did NAWWWWWTTT asked him to call her "Countess" (or Count, depending on the translators) and literally he could accept his death becoming a paradox? Wasn't Alucard had been craving an end for a long while now? Why the need to return just because Integra asked him to??? Be serious for a moment here

Also a personal interpretation of mine that could be a stretch or just pure delulu is that, in the manga AND the anime adaptation, the last word Alucard said after goodbye is "Integra" (In both Japanese and English dub, the word order is exactly the same), not "Master" or "Integra HELLSING". The same goes when he addressed how he can kill without remorse but the decision is in her hand, he also said "I am a monster, now regarding you, Integra". To me that is an indicator for how he CARED for her not just because she's a Hellsing or his master but she's Integra, from the first of their meeting it was very clear, that Alucard wounded A HELLSING to protect Integra.

So... even non-romantically, you cannot deny that Alucard voluntarily worked for Integra. They DO care about each other a lot, even platonically, their bond is almost like soulmates with how well they trust and understand each other. I just don't like it when people keep side-stepping the depth of their relationship just because you don't like to ship them romantically. These are the canon informations you can't just seriously unironically say that there was nothing there.

And oh don't even get me started on the "But he is a vampire, the enemy of her family and he hates Hellsing because of Abraham something something stockholm syndrome something she's ace coded she's lesbian coded she swore to be a virgin until death she wouldnt throw it away for the enemy of her family etcera etcera" you're saying it as if ace people aren't allowed to date or have sex and you're saying it as if Alucard isn't canonically genderfluid. Why always view the ship as solely heteronormative while they were never conventional to begin with. And MIND YOU, i thought everyone love the enemies to lovers trope?? they were BARELY stockholm syndrome at all did we forget about the Bird of Hermes analogy as a metaphor for loyalty voluntarily given.

If you care so much about "monsters and humans are forbidden" and "they are not canon" maybe treat every ship with the same attitude since MOST of hellsing most popular ships fit into that exact two sentences above, maybe except Pip x Seras is canon, but they're also human x monster, so what now???? Just hate on a ship all you like, I hate ships too and I hate them because I don't like them, that's all, no need to do extra mental gymnastic to prove the ship is "wrong" or their shippers are "wrong".

[caged-kaashi]

Hey, Akaashi

Im a 1st year (high school). after winter break Im gonna be a 2nd year and.... I just don't know what to do.

There is literally nothing im good at. i didnt know that was possible. I'm not good at studying, i can't draw, i can't play an instrument, i can't make friends, i can't play any sports, i can't play games, i can't write essays, i'm not funny, i'm not patient.... i'm lazy. i don't know, literally, there's nothing i'm good at. Not even trivial things. Not even like checkers, or dodgeball, or smiling, or talking quickly, or tricking people.

I didn't know it was possible, but here I am. I'm not even healthy; my own fault, with some help from my genes. I cant stay up the night, i sleep like 8 hours and am still sleepy, i dont like eating so im... not underweight, but close. i have no muscle. but i have no fat so i can't skip meals and be fine, if i skip two meals ill become so weak i can barely stand, it sucks.

I tried to make a list once: all the things im good at. squeezed my brain for any niche thing. heres what i came up with:

I'm decent at english. I don't smoke or do drugs or gamble. I'm not a big money spender. sometimes i do the dishes.

The bare minimum, less even.

anyways, i have 2 months of winter break. in that time i wanna learn to cook, at least. and earn money. How can I earn money? and exercise just enough to go back into the 'normal muscle range'. I don't think i can learn to study well enough to get into college in that time. So something, anything. Anything to stay alive later without being a burden on my parents.

Sorry for ranting.

Hello anon, before I begin, thank you for trusting me enough to hear you out. I'm here for you anytime you may need to rant so don't ever hesitate. And I'm sorry that you're feeling awful with how you are currently.

-pulls you down gently to sit beside him-

However, I seem to have noticed your special quality through your words and that is introspection. You have taken time to be true to yourself and search who you are. This may sound albeit spiritual but finding yourself and accepting the form you are at is one of the most basic and important step to improve yourself.

It also appears as though you've already started working on the next step too. You've made a list of things that you want to achieve by a certain time frame and that's great. I'll be cheering you on, celebrate every little achievement just like how parents would with a mere single step of a young baby.

The thing about being good at something is ultimately acquired skills. You may be good at something by birth and that merely gives you a head start, you still need to refine and polish it, in order for the skill to shine. By bringing this point forward, what I mean to say is, you're still young, you can find a skill that interests you and work on it, that's how you acquire skill sets for yourself.

You also posed a question about how to earn money. The easiest trick is to find a way to make yourself more sell worthy in the market and for that you have to work on acquiring the very skills that both interests you as well as is sought out in the market. If you say you're good in English then maybe look into newsletters, improving your writing and start with something small. I do have to also mention that the bare minimum you speak of is still much better than being the worst and doing bad things intentionally.

Lastly, I do wanna add that whatever you do, do it for yourself. I know it sounds selfish but it is ultimately you who has to live with yourself so treat yourself better. Become someone you would trust your child-self to be impressed by because that is the only person who you need to keep happy and satisfied.

You can do whatever you can put your mind to, take a breath, find ways in which you'll be happy and healthy, prioritize yourself more and remember, keep moving- in every sense of the word. Because even the tiniest step is an improvement from where you last were.

[keepthesethoughtsinsideyou]

2/25/2023

So this is probably an awful idea. But when you were getting married and then having your honeymoon, i wrote letters to you. that i didnt send to you. i think i only had 3 or 4 days worth of them. But I have no clue when i will ever speak to you again. And like, speak speak. Not some short text. I'm very torn on everything. my heart, is shattered. truly. But you know. At least I have to think you know. Maybe you have like, been able to trick yourself into thinking i never cared. or idk. i just dont know Courtney. I am sorry that i felt this was planned. you did admit it was, after comparing me to Chad first of course. But planned in that, yo. i cant take this. its fair and justified. Maybe the Chad comparison was fair too. idfk. It also makes me hate myself more than I ever thought I could. i have been crying so much today that i have no concept of time. I am glad that at least you have had a wonderful Saturday. Out of town with a friend. Seeing a hopefully enjoyable movie. I was left to morn my dead Dad and now the most important relationship ive ever had. idk if youll ever read or see any of these. And christ i dont want to come off bitter or angry. or anything. I know that i hurt you already. fuck. i hurt you so much that you were like, peace dude. im just, shocked? i dont get how we are video chatting and opening gifts and i bought a hotel for us. To meet up in a crazy thing where I had no plan as to HOW things were gonna work. But my love and need to see you bypassed any real worries. It's crazy how this relationship brought that out of me. I think looking back at things, I was still a bit of a stick in the mud comparably. But you definitely brought something out of me that was crazy and off the cuff. I liked it. I wish i could save things. I wish this was like that early time when you broke things off and then like 2 days later came back and said you couldnt be without me. I'm not religious but I am hoping there are some sort of synchronicities or coincidences that send you back to me. I didnt expect you to not break up with me just because it was my dead father''s birthday. That would be manipulative. You broke up with me just the other day and I cant even tell you WHY. I remember alot of you telling me how YOU had negatively effected my life. And i deserved better and whatever. But i just wanted you. I told my mom that I have never loved someone like i loved you, and I never will again. I didnt know I was capable of love like this. I wont ever find it again. This message sucks cause its all over the place and im not making much sense or keeping a consistent tone. the barbed comments I would make. Back handed shit. god, they are all i can fucking think about. I cant imagine how differently things wouldve been if you hadnt immediately started having sex with new people. my brain just cant Courtney. How can you love me, want a future with me, want children, a home. But then as soon as you are single, its not me. Its not me at all. It's someone else. It really fucked with my head. And honestly, i just think I am a square. I have never hooked up with anyone in my life. I have only had sex with people I had relationships with. And the concept of sex outside of that is not only unappealing to me, but kind of grosses me out. Thats for me. I get people are into their own things and I dont judge. But being faced by someone who can say all this lovey dovey bs to me, and go fuck another man. And theres no connection? its just sex? whats the big deal? well, thats where my brain goes insane. I've never felt good enough or worthy of you. And for you to immediately shack up with someone NOT me while saying different things to me, it really fed into that insecurity. But thats me right? its MY insecurity. So who would you be to respect or acknowledge that. You are a young single woman who can finally go out and experiment and find yourself. Neither me or anyone else should stand in your way of that. But god dammit did it break my heart. And your ability to seemingly never think of me and my feelings just solidified mentally that i was not good enough. i was not worthy. and maybe worst of all, I was not your first choice. i lashed out with my words. my tone. things i said. how i said that. ugh. i wish...i wish i couldve just been your supportive friend. YASSS QUEEN! GO EAT SOME PUSSY! there are moments when i can be cool. But the uncool version of me surfaced his ugly head far more often as more of your experimentation took off. It just blows because, this only got bad once this started. Prior to that, i feel like things were wonderful. But i am probably sugarcoating things post mortem. i regret ever telling you i had bipolar disorder. i regret ever telling you about my anxiety disorder. Because in breaking up with me, they were both brought up. Negative is negative though. Just sucks feeling like you arent good enough from the get go and then being made to feel like you are broken and needing fixing. I dont know alot of people who would be okay with the love of their life fucking other people. Especially when that same person has told you they want you over anyone. But then when you try to plan a future together, those conversations go nowhere. So idk. Too much too soon I guess. I know that no matter what negative things i may think of the situation, I know I am at fault. I couldnt handle the pressure of being with a poly person. And I especially couldnt handle it when it seemed like the plans to experiment and have sex with other people superseded our plans that we talked about of a future together. But as i said, I know i am wrong. I am the villain. I think of some of the things i said to you in the days following you telling me Andi was coming there to get a hotel so you 2 could fuck. And christ. my tone. the meanness. i know i can change. i know it. maybe you'll change too? But maybe some of your negative qualities will change in your period of experimenting. who knows? all i know is each hour that passes and I cant talk to you breaks my soul. as much as I am sure you would prefer me checking my insurance to see if i could get therapy and medicated, i am afraid i am looking into seeing if it will cover me committing myself. Because I am genuinely unsure how i can go on. All i can think about is taking a bunch of Ativan and walking out into the woods and falling asleep and never waking up. Which in my present state I can realize is not good. The issue is, between the hotel i JUST bought us Thursday, and the hotel I bought us for your visit here in April, that's over $900 i charged that's non refundable. If I commit myself, I will lose my job. Outside of hotel money, i am just in debt in general too. So i feel so fucking stuck. None of this matters though. I just want you back. I don't care about money. I don't care about who else you have sex with. i just want my angel back. i can and will change. And I am TERRIFIED because per you,  you are a serial monogamous relationship person. I want to change so you will love me again. I want to change so you can feel comfortable with your heart with me. But what if it takes to long? And you're already on to the next one? idfk. But my soul is crushed and i feel like giving up. I'm back to where I was before we met. The difference is now i have the pain and grief of losing my cosmic lover. My partner the universe brought into my life. How does one cope with such a loss? How does one live knowing they lost a love that was unlike anything they've ever experienced. I don't know. i do not want to live a life without you in it. 

[noonevincesme]

.

[sixtyeightdays]

Only you, Marinette. Only you.

in which marinette lifts thors hammer with no knowledge of how great it is to wield mjolnir 😔✋🏻

kind of crappy but thats okay

-

Normally, when Tony Stark's name was brought up, the following words would be either 'Avengers', 'Iron Man', or something along the lines of cool and amazing.

But this time, as Tony Stark's name fluttered through the compound of College Francois Dupont, the following words were 'Why her', 'What happened', and'Marinette Dupain-Cheng'.

See, throughout Lila's entire reign at Francois Dupont, unknowingly to the Italian, a certain bluenette had been giving her and all of her classmates choices.

Lila chose to ignore Marinette's warning.

Alya chose to believe Lila and cut off all ties with Marinette.

Nino chose to follow Alya and ignore Marinette.

Adrien chose to remain quiet for fear of Lila getting akumatised.

The class chose to believe Lila, drinking up her lies and claimed connections to celebrities that'll 'boost their careers in the future'.

Now, Marinette wasn't normally one to show off her connections to the world, unlike Lila, who lied about celebrities with every breath she took.

No, Marinette preferred not to mention her celebrity contacts.

However, this time, she had thrown all caution out the window and texted him.

-

mari <3

cant wait to see all of you soon!

do you think you can pick me up at my school drop off point after i end school instead of the bakery next week?

the one and only

sure thing, mari

everyone misses you too and they cant wait to see you again

any reasons why the sudden change though

mari <3

no reason

-

It was a week before he arrived. A week full of taunts and bullying from the people who used to be her friends.

But the day had come, and Marinette was about to leave this place for the summer, and was finally going to be where she wanted to be again.

It was the last period, and Marinette, having finished her work already, started on a new design. She had just finished it when the door crashed open, making Mlle. Bustier and the class jump.

The shock turned into exciting adoration, however, as standing there in all his glory were the Avengers.

Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner, Thor, and of course, Tony Stark. Pepper was also there, trailing behind with Natasha who were muttering about how dramatic the boys were.

Alya immediately jumped to her feet, fumbling for her phone that she held with shaking hands, and started a livestream.

'Hi everyone! It's your Ladyblogger here, and today the Avengers came to visit! Oh, I bet Lila got them to come, she is Tony Stark's goddaughter after all.'

No one noticed Marinette snort into her palm.

Max gaped at his idol in the doorway, his glasses sliding off his face in his shock before he hastily placed them in it's proper position.

Thor ignored the reporter, making his way to the back of the class where Mari sat, placing his hammer on top of Mari's sketchbook, much to her chagrin.

The devious smile the god gave her confirmed that he did it on purpose, and Mari smacked him in the arm and glared at him.

'Was it really necessary to break down the door?' She deadpanned, unimpressed.

Alya gasped. 'Marinette! Don't be so rude to the Avengers! They're here for Lila, not you.'

Thor frowned in confusion. 'Who is this.. Lila you speak of?'

Alya gasped again. 'She's Tony Stark's goddaughter!' She frowned at the god disapprovingly.

'She spends her summers there, how could you not recognise her?' The Italian in question was sinking into her seat, regretting the lie she told.

Tony clicked his tongue.

'I have a goddaughter, yes, but it isn't this Lila girl. I have never heard of a Lila. No, I'm here for Marinette, my actual goddaughter.' He shot a pointed look to Alya at the last bit, before he and everyone else walked over to Mari.

Pepper passed by Alya and handed out two stacks of papers.

Alya cautiously picked it up and Pepper said, 'These are lawsuits for both you and Lila. It is for defamation and slander of different celebrities, as well as spreading false information.'

Alya gaped at the blonde as she made her way up the stairs to where Mari and everyone else was before turning to Lila with a glare.

'Were you lying the whole time?'

The class erupted in shouts at the girl, until she broke and called out that Adrien had known, but didn't say anything.

'It was for the best! Her lies weren't hurting anyone!'

'I didn't submit my music portfolio because Lila said she'd guaranteed me a spot.' Nino uttered quietly, realising that he had lost a chance to have his big break.

Mylene looked gobsmacked. 'I passed up the offer of meeting Alexander Hamilton because Lila said she'd get him to meet me for free.'

One by one, the students began listing everything they missed out because of Lila's lies, from Alix not being able to be in the X-Games like she was promised, to Kim, who had quit his swim team because Lila told him she'd get Michael Phelps to train him personally.

Adrien cracked and admitted that yes, he was wrong, but Marinette knew too!

The class suddenly remembered Marinette.

Marinette, who had been telling them all along that Lila was lying.

Marinette, who they had bullied because they thought she was jealous.

Marinette, who was scolding Tony Stark right now, wait what?

Sure enough, the bluenette was reprimanding the billionaire, who's head was hanging low like a kicked puppy, with Natasha smirking in the corner.

'I told you to come after school! There's still 15 minutes before school ends, Uncle Tony, you couldn't wait another 20 minutes?'

He hung his head and Steve snickered, until Marinette turned to him.

'Why did you let him come so early? I thought you were the responsible one.' She pinched the bridge of her nose.

The class took advantage of the momentary silence to swarm Marinette, until the Avengers glared at them and they backed away slightly.

'Girl, we're so sorry for believing that liar! Will you forgive us? We'll be best friends again.' Alya looked excited, a gleam in her eye.

'Do you think you can get me an interview with Tony Stark?'

Marinette looked at her in disbelief.

'So you want to be my friend again, just because I'm Tony's goddaughter.' Pepper and Natasha looked furious as well, while Tony eyed his goddaughter's class.

Steve placed a hand on Marinette's shoulder.

'Besides, Marinette already has a best friend.'

Alya spluttered. 'Who?'

A swarm of black and blue flew into the room and crashed into Marinette, causing her to fall back into her seat.

'Peter!' She laughed. 'MJ! Ned! Great to see you guys too!'

Peter smiled gave her a brotherly kiss on the cheek, while MJ gave her a hug and Ned fistbumped her.

'Oh! That reminds me, MJ, I'm done with the design for the dress you wanted! Let me show you!' Mari looked around for her sketchbook before noticing it under Thor's hammer.

Thor, noticing this, moved his hand forwards to pick up the hammer, but his jaw dropped as Marinette easily picked up the hammer with one hand, holding it up while she moved the sketchbook underneath it away before placing it back on the table.

She flipped through the pages of it, not noticing the shocked looks on her classmates and family's faces, and the pale face of Lila. She had become enemies with a girl who could lift Thor's hammer!

Alya, who was still live streaming, looked like a fish, and her hands, which were still raises in the position of recording, trembled.

Marinette let out a small 'aha!' when she found the page she was looking for, and looked up to see her friend's shocked face.

She frowned. 'Do you not like it?'

Adrien, still rather astonished, spluttered out. 'Marinette.. you just lifted Thor's hanmer!'

At the sound of his name, the god snapped out of his stupor, and lifting his hammer, he pointed at the bluenette. 'She is worthy! I must take her to Asgard with me!'

Marinette cocked her head. 'It's just a hammer and it wasn't even that heavy. Now you big babies, let's go back to New York!'

She grabbed MJ's hand before picking up her bag and running out, she and MJ excitedly chattering about the dress, Marinette having not understood the implications of lifting Thor's hammer, and MJ, who had seen weirder things in her life.

The Avengers, Ned and Peter blinked before filing out of the room slowly, following the excited bluenette and brunette.A certain blonde god staring at nothing in particular.

'She doesn't know what lifting my hammer means?' He snorted. 'Only you, Marinette. Only you.'

-

well yeah there isnt exactly a ship for this but i wanted to write something where mari lifts thors hammer bc i dont see enough of those

mj and peter are together, in case u didnt know

kind of lost interest in the end but thats okay lmao so the endings kinda crappy but i think weve established that i cant write for shit

thank u for coming to my tedtalk ok byee

[sydneyshipsstuff]

so uh last night at like 4 am i couldnt sleep, decided to walk my dog, and came up with this bad boy. It’s a rough draft, though. um @professional-benaddict read it and told me to post it, so whatever rafni says goes. 

-Little! Peter with like everyone lmao (platonically), but main pairing is Tony x Peter. everyone is 18+ and Littles are known. but yeah, I call this “uncanonically Canon AU” because it follows canon character tropes (except Peter).

----------------

so i LOVE the doctor trope w stephen and tony to death, like probably a lil too much, but hear me out

--canon tony and the avengers with not canon (aka powerless) little peter

--im thinking how they met is before peter became classified as a little, he was smart smart. so, he still gets the internship, but a real one this time.

--hes hanging out with the other interns when he feels himself regress. he freaks and goes to hide in a bathroom or something

--he runs into (probably pepper??) someone and they help him get out of the tower because he's obviously very vulnerable

--they (pepper?) take him to the hospital to get tested and find out hes a high care little. once they find out peter freaks out because omg he cant work like this

--(pepper?) assures him that they will figure it our, but with no CG, and just for plot sake, he also is living alone at this point so they dont feel comfortable sending him home, so he stays overnight, at least, in the hospital

--(pepper?) goes to talk to tony himself about this since hes the one who chose and hired the interns. tony isnt quite sure what to do because peter is one of the best in their group

--(pepper?) suggests that he go have a one on one talk with peter and see what the boy wants to do with his future, and also meet with the doctors to see what they think is best for his future

--now, tony has met peter a few times, and the kid is pretty cool, but he never really cared about him (harsh, but canon tony is pretty reserved so yuh) so, when he goes into the hospital room to talk with him, hes mentally preparing to never see peter again

--but, when he walks in, he sees peter sat on a cot carefully coloring in an avengers coloring book, and his entire aura is different and /adorable/

--as if he wasnt already kinda done for, when peter notices he's there, he looks up, eyes blown wide and a kid-like face on full of awe

--he sits on the end of the bed and they simply stare at each other before peter finally gets the courage to ask why tony is there, stuttering through it like an adorable mess

--tony freaks out, because as good as peter is, he planned on letting peter down, but now that hes here, all he wants is to see the boy.

--instead he smooths his nervousness and easily asks about how the boy is doing. he asks if peter has a CG, and predicably, peter just sadly shakes his head

--anyways i dont really know how this part would be worded, and it probably wouldnt happen in just one day, but eventually tony asks peter if he wants tony to take care of him

--peter is a cutie and accepts, again dont really have this part planned out, im akward when it comes to writing about the adopting of a little

--he goes with tony and since he lives in the tower, he also gets the avengers as glorified CGs. now this is the part i LOVE

***added part by Rafni:

"I’d imagine that Peter would just be kept in the hospital, like he doesn’t need any meds nor saline so he doesn’t even have a drip nor is he hooked up to any monitors. He is just there in the hospital pyjamas colouring and waiting for someone to take care of him🥺👀"

And since there’s no medical concerns (anymore) the nurses would have more time to just chat with Peter and make sure he is like mentally taken care of 🌸🌸

---

tony stark- he's obviously the main man and does all the main caring. hes the one who sleeps with peter and makes sure he gets food, and plans the days. he also sometimes will hand make little gadgets (safe ofc) to occupy peter. he gets peter little engineering/inventing kits and will hold back any groans he has as peter hits his leg with a plastic hammer and screwdriver. he also is the one who is ALWAYS there, when he cries, when he's happy, when he's sad.

thor- he lets peter play with his hair, and even lets the boy snuggle, and sometimes even chew on, mjolnir (because of course peter would be worthy)

steve rogers- he lets peter look at and hold the shield. one day he finds the boy curled like a cat dosing on the inside of it

natasha- she speaks in russian to him, and when he goes outside to the park, shes there making sure no one disturbs him

wanda+sam (i had an idea for them when i originally thought of this, but i cant remember it now :/)

bucky- he lets peter also mess with his hair, although more rare than thor, but he does let peter suck on his metal fingers when hes really small, and will scratch peters scalp with it, the metal scratching much better than normal skin. also if he ever gets a fever, the cold of the arm feels amazing on his forehead

bruce- not strictly canon since hes more sciency than doctor, but i imagine bruce is the one who does checkups and takes care of the meds when peter is sick

stephen- he doesnt do it often, plus he's not at the tower much, but hell do little harmless "magic" tricks to excite Peter and when peter gets grumpy, stephen will give him a little stress spell thing to calm peter down

peter quill- i imagine hes the one who is down to do lots of fun stuff, but is also the most reckless towards the actions suited towards littles, getting a lot of scolding from tony. also, he has great taste in music, so when peter has bursts of energy, he'll bounce around the room dancing to old 80s music

rocket- hes the closest peters ever gonna get to a pet, and with lots of bribing from tony, rocket /occasionally/ lets peter pet him and feed him "treats", sometimes peter will ask rocket to do a trick like jump or spin, but rocket with always decline...at first. peters trademark pouts do the trick because either rocket will concede and hurt his pride, or tony will see and threaten rocket into making his little boy happy. its always worth it to see the happy little squirms and claps

gamora- she's the resident story teller. when its bedtime, she'll share her cool space stories, leaving out the gory/scarier aspects. it always does the trick as hes out in minutes. sometimes hell catch her and peter q engaging in loving activities (ie kissing, hugging, whatever), and he'll just giggle away, and as embarrassed as gamora gets, not being an openly affectionate person, she might just go to the extreme to hear the cute giggles out of the little boy

clint- hes pretty chill with peter. he also likes to play games with the boy, playing things like peek-a-boo when he's super small, or playing darts when he feels older. tony isnt /too/ happy about it, but its better than quill so he doesnt say anything.

pepper is there too because i love the idea of tony working away somewhere and pepper calling peter in, handing him a few sheets of paper, sometimes actual documents, sometimes just scratch paper to entertaim the boy, before asking peter to deliver them to tony. she always has a smile when peter eagerly nods with his whole body before running to the office to give tony the papers. it almost always ends with peter in his lap, but it /always/ ends in tony praising him, saying something along the lines of 'theres my little helper boy. look at you'

---

--on any particular day peter wakes up aged up, he doesn't even miss his old internship because this life is so much better, although on these days tony actually lets him help with some safer stuff in the lab with him

--also, they are still the avengers and still have to save the universe. tony leaves him in the care of Happy or Pepper, trusting them both to handle him. sometimes, it ends in disaster. sometimes, they are lucky enough to find happy laying on the couch, with a drooling little boy soaking his suit

--no matter how things end up, it never gets old being able to come home and cuddle up with the reason tony wants to save the universe.

--its no surprise peter is able to help the man just as much as tony helps him. tony stops locking himself up so late at night so he can put peter to bed and cuddle up. he stops drinking when he's stressed, instead finding his boy and reading a story to him. his hookups end, he wants to be there for peter all the time. he gets more work done, the added bonus of having a pretty little boy in his lap helping keep his mind on track.

--tony still has his canon issues, but having peter there makes everything a little more manageable. and when he eventually gets too old to be ironman, its okay, because his universe is lying in bed, a red pacifier in his mouth, and a family of superheroes softly arguing about who the boy loves most

--and despite tony being a narcissist, he knows this is not that, when he thinks that without a doubt he is peters favorite. after all, peter helped him see the good inside the bad

---

so uh yeah thats all i had to say. maybe in the future it will become an actual thing, idk. i still have so many projects im working on first. feel free to add whatever you want to it though !!

[sneezy-cheeseloaf]

recounting the entire avengers: endgame movie, which i only saw once when it came out, from memory

because i just took the SAT and i want to do anything except think about that so get ready for a fun ride full of holes and my reenactments of scenes and quotes that i remember from however many years it’s been now since endgame came out. buckle the fuckle up

movie opens, clint’s whole ass family fucking dies. cue killing spree fueled by grief and anger. HashTag Relatable

tony is floating through space with nebula and teaching her how to play paper football

holy shit is this how tony dies

“pep” ouc h

oh hey he’s home, dope

The Gang (tm) learns where thanos’s farm is somehow i can’t really remember

“perhaps i judged you too harshly”

“???? thor????” “what? i went for the head”

“five” five what?? days?? weeks??? months???? oh boy i can’t wait to find ou- “years later” HUH???????

steve looks the exact same, so i guess he kept up that workout schedule even through the snap. i mean good for him honestly

and is also running a talk therapy group like sam did

a single smidgen of gay representation but it’s a good start ig

i don’t really remember what everyone else was doing, i just know that tony and pep have morgan now but idk if that gets revealed now or later

the only reason we had a movie is because of a rat. everyone say thank you to Rat for releasing scott lang, please. round of applause

scott’s daughter is all grown up and catch me sobbing over the fact that he wasn’t there to see it

somewhere in here nat is crying and eating a sandwich and honestly girl same

“hey!!! it’s me!!!! scott lang!!! ant man???? also what the hell happened???? lemme IN”

cue scott lang having a single brain cell and bringing up time travel. i think it was him that proposed the idea. maybe not. but imma give him credit

oh yeah bruce and hulk are besties now and bruce is just permanently Like That

and cue everyone being shook at the idea of time travel

time to go see Science Man at his house on the lake

“i wish you had come for anything else.” ouch

gang leaves dejectedly

peter. that’s it. and suddenly tony is all hands on deck

cue science mumbo jumbo in the middle of the night while he eats something out of a bag that i can’t remember

“shit!!” “sHiT!!!” “NO”

“i love you 3000″

Science Man reveals that he has, indeed cracked the code to literal time travel

cue nat, the only person with an umbrella, going to find clint who is busy with murder, as he does

“don’t do that. don’t give me home” stfu budapest man and get in the car.

thor has. enlargened. and is now playing fortnight with korg as a means to cope with what happened plus losing loki, as i think we all would

The Gang is back together and working (surprisingly) coordinately and throwing ideas around and it’s actually very cute. and it makes my heart very happy. and i want to cry every time i think about it because we all know what comes next

scott’s taco gets blown away. bruce gives him another. all is well in the world

and in this exhibit we see the only brain cell in the whole group, which is being used by rhodey at all times

“why don’t we just,,,, (choking motion)” “to a BABY???”

during the time tests someone gets reverted to a baby but i don’t remember who and it’s highkey disturbing

“i consider this an absolute win!!”

cue slo mo walk with the cool white time suits that everyone looks so good in

“see you in a minute” that smile. she looks so happy. sobbing

i think it’s in here that all the color go through steve’s eyes, so let’s just take a minute to acknowledge how pretty he is

“just for the record, that suit did nothing for your ass.” “i don’t remember asking you to look”

“that’s america’s ass.” yes it is scott you’re absolutely right

“i cOuLd dO tHiS aLL dAy” “yeah i knoOoOW”

time for tony to give tony a heart attack and then just stare in what i can only assume is amusement. i’m pretty sure that comes after america’s ass but maybe not

somewhere in here steve is just staring at peggy through blinds and it’s sad when you see it but when you think about it afterwards, it’s so funny for no reason

time to get whacked by a very angry hulk who was not allowed to use the elevator

“NO STAIRS”

tony goes flying. so does the tesseract. loki, in handcuffs, is like “oh bet this is mine now” and. Leaves.

i’m pretty sure it’s bruce who goes and gets schooled by The Ancient One on the multiverse, and i say it’s bruce because i think he’s the only one out of The Gang who could ever actually wrap his head around it

i don’t remember exactly how they get the tesseract but they do

thor and rocket are in asgard and thor has a panic attack, as I think we all would if we had to talk to our dead mother and pretend like we don't know what's going to happen

and remember kids, slapping someone is not the way to handle a panic attack. anyways

a mother always knows

"i'm still worthy!!!!" you always were, thor. you never stopped being worthy

and we have our hammer back

cue sobbing on vormir

“clint. it’s ok. it’s ok.” that smile.

nat’s fucking dead and i’m fucking dead inside let’s keep this party goin

other stones are recovered and i don’t really remember how but hey we got all six

“where’s nat?” cue more sobbing from me and from clint as you can see each and every team member’s heart drop to the fucking floor. especially steve

yeah maybe we’re doing this for half the universe and all the people we lost, but mostly for nat now

tony’s makeshift infinity gauntlet has entered the chat

Green Man is the only one who can physically take the power of the stones, so the fate of literally everything they have ever done up to this point is on him

snap rest in peace bruce’s arm

cue every single person in the theater holding their breath

“guys. it worked.”

cue explosion as their facility gets bombed and i am terrified that it has killed the entire gang

but it obviously has not and i am once again a Class A Idiot

i can't remember if it’s steve or tony who wakes up first but one shakes the other awake and is like “get the fuck up bitch idk what just happened but we got a problem”

everyone is mostly fine. but they’re all alive and that’s what matters

and now we have the setting for the entire rest of the movie basically

oh hey thanos. that’s uh. that’s a big army you got there

i don’t really remember everything that happened with The Past thanos, gamora, and nebula but i remember that gamora once again sees what a twat her adoptive father is and is like “oh hell na”

cue the gang fighting for their lives against Past thanos. literally

oh shit thor’s about to be killed????

OH MY GOD HE HAS THE HAMMER

cue the theater screaming as they should

hell yeah. bonk that giant space grape with the god of thunder’s hammer. you go steve. and look like a badass doing it as you should

shit’s still fucked and they eventually get their asses handed to them one by one

somewhere in here the shield breaks just like we saw in age of ultron. and like damn bro i liked that thing

steve stands up by himself because bitch. you cant kill him unless he says so. he dies on his own terms. he didn’t live for over a fucking century to die like this

our mans is standing up against a whole ass army knowing full well that he can’t win but damn if he aint ready to try

“ok listen strange. you have to open the portal to his left. his LEFT. you hear me???”

“steve. STEVE. on your left.”

cue the most goosebump-inducing scene that i have ever seen and probably will ever see. i would do anything to see that scene for the first time again. that feeling was like nothing i’ve ever experienced

the amazing symphonics are NOT helping my already-about-to-explode-from-excitement heart

now the gang’s ALL here. and we all cry because all of our peeps are back from the dead and we all missed them and highkey grieved for them after infinity war

i can’t remember if steve actually sees bucky yet but i think he does and i wanted to cry on the spot because not only did i miss bucky but man did i just want them to see each other again

cue sick pan of the whole ass marvel roster like smash ultimate, including howard duck somewhere in there

PETER OUR BOY SWINGIN ON IN

“AVENGERS. assemble.” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

but we all know damn well that not a single person could hear him whisper that shit. like steve bro speak up a little

and the battle for the ages commences

we get to see all our favorite boys are girls fuck shit up and it’s absolutely incredible. wow it really feels like someone’s missing who could that be.

this is now a very elaborate game of keepaway

“catch” “Catch” “CATCH “CATCH”

“hey queens” he remembered. catch me cryin

“hey peter. got somethin for me?” god i love her. flew through a whole ass spaceship. no stoppin her

t'challa remembers clint's name. he did care

oh yeah scott is fucking humongous again, but third time’s the charm ig. maybe he won't pass the fuck out this time

somewhere in here, strange starts holding like. an entire ocean back and i dont really remember where it came from

we get a whole segment of marvel women kicking ass and taking names and i think i just need to take a minute. WE collectively need to take a minute

carol flies straight through a spaceship and everyone is like ???? hello????? where have you been?????????

carol gets literally headbutted by thanos and doesnt move a fucking inch. and that look of murder in her eyes. she could tell me to walk into a pit of lava and i would not question it. the power

“launch the missiles!!!” “but sir, our army-” “DO IT”

damn thanos our expectations for you were low but holy fuck

somewhere in here i think petter quill sees Past gamora and is like gamora???? and she like kicks him in the balls or somethin and is like “this is the ones i picked?????”

the fight continues and honestly a lot of it’s a blur but damn was it not the coolest thing i’ve ever seen. 

cue strange knowing exactly how this was gonna go down, and holding up a single finger

i dont think ive ever seen that look on tony's face before

oh shit thanos has the gauntlet and all the stones. fuck.

wait holdup that gauntlet looks a little funky

WAIT HOLDUP

“i am inevitable”

“and i. am iron man.”

the theater, once again holds its breath

all is lowkey calm and everyone is shook

thanos’s entire army slowly fades away. including one of those big worm things that almost eats (i think it was) rocket but like. dusts right as it hits the ground and is a really cool shot

and thanos sits down on a rock. and finally is gone. and it's so cathartic

oh joyous day!! they’ve won!! they’ve done it!!! wait holdup where’s tony. i remember what happened to bruce where the fuck is tony

wait

wait hold on

wait hold on a minute

“we did it. we won, mr stark. we won. please, mr stark”

“pep.”

“it’s ok. you can rest. you can rest.”

i have officially passed away and am a sobbing mess. you can’t do this to me. he’s gonna come back. there’s no way. tony stark doesn’t die. no.

this is a fucking funeral. i am going to combust into tears

“proof that tony stark has a heart”

i just wanted him to be able to see morgan grow up.

but him and nat are eating shawarma together in the sky now.

“i’m recording this in case something goes wrong, which it won’t.”

“i love you 3000.”

oh we’re still rolling. oh we don’t even get a minute to process

steve is leaving??? wait holdup we cant lose both. no

“are you sure about this?” “i have to”

“i’m with you til the end of the line” so that was a fucking lie

but steve deserves to do what makes him happy. so i can’t be too mad. actually, nah i aint even mad i’m just sad

bucky looks so dejected. so sad. someone please give him a hug. he desperately needs it

oh hey steve. but you’re old now. hey then, grandpa. how did you. get there

buck and sam go talk to him as they should

“you wanna talk about her?” “no, i don’t think i will”

“how does it feel?” “like it belongs to someone else”

sam has officially inhered the shield, and by extension, his very own bucky barnes. it’s a packaged deal

clint’s got his family back. and they can finally finish their picnic or whatever they were doing at the beginning of the movies

and steve finally got that dance. finally. and he looks so happy. so content.

and that’s about all i remember

i have not watched endgame since i saw it in theaters when it came out because i absolutely do not have the emotional stability to do it again. but damn the disney plus shows have been bangin

i hope you enjoyed the ride, thank you for joining me in my. whatever the fuck this is

[ivyuns]

love me in a year ✰❆♣♞

bang chan

genre: angst, fluff 

word count: 2.4k

warnings: kidnapping, restraints, y/n gets pregnant, grinding, drowning, weapons, a bit suggestive. if i missed anything lol oops

A/N: another shet show + from 365 dni (the ending isnt exactly like the movie btw)

for my gurlieeeee + happy birthday to @stanstraykidswoo​ <3

masterlist

mafialeader!bangchan x fem!reader

enjoying the summer breeze on the islands of hawaii, next to your friend made you feel relaxed. from all the work and stress you did, you finally earned yourself a vacation.

“babe!”

opening your eyes, you see your boyfriend (in a unhappy relationship) walks towards you. taking off your glasses and sitting up next to the pool, waiting what your boyfriend had to tell you. “i just got back from seeing the volcanoes babe! you shouldve seen it-” “we were supposed to go look at it together, dumbass” you cut your boyfriend off.

“w-wait y/n-” running away before he said anything, you got lost in a dark area. wasnt just sunny? seeing a group of guys look at you while trying to come closer. damn these outfits. your outfit consist of a short flowy, off the shoulder dress with heels. running with shaky legs, you looked around and saw everything get dark.

“are you lost babygirl?”

waking up in a soft bed, you look over and look at the unfamiliar room youre in. “where am i?” you whispered softly. walking towards a door to the hallway, the door wont budge open. shaking the door knob, it still wont burst open. giving up, you go lay back down on the bed.

closing your eyes to relax, you hear the door unlocking. quickly putting on your heels, you open the door and see nobody. following to which ever door took you, it seem endless. the endless numbers of stairs and doors you went though, you came across to a massive painting of a portrait of yourself hanging on the dinning room’s wall.

“oh my god”

continuing to follow where your legs take you, you were yanked away from seeking to your freedom. “are you lost babygirl?”. feeling someones presence behind you, you see a man. someone who you never seen.

“who are you and what do you want from me” you say and slowly back away from him. “chris is the name. you see, five years ago, i saw you on a beach. then suddenly i got shot and all i could think was you. these pass five years, ive been trying to find you and now” chris pauses his sentence and walks to a cup of ice, making you suck on it. “now i have you”

spitting the ice out, you got angry. “so what? you think kidnapping me is some kind of way to have me?” chris gets angry after your tone of your voice you gave him. he pushes you on a chair and chokes you lightly.

“i will give you 365 days to make you fall in love with me. and if that doesnt work, i will release you.” chris slowly lets go of your neck and continues talking. “i promise i will not touch you without your permission.”

chris gets interrupt by his phone. reaching his pocket, he sees his mafia friend who works with him calling him for help in the front. running to where to meet him at, you gave a few minutes before running on your feet again, trying to escape.

finally outside with a big open field in front of you, where you will be free. running, you stop midway as you see chris kill a man. witnessing what happened, you pass out due to pressure from everything.

-

the next morning, you wake up in the same room before but a whole different dress on you and a shirtless chris sitting in a chair in front of you. “let me out of here now” you shouted at him. “i need to get back to my family, my boyfriend!”. “you really think he still loves you? take a look at this” chris says and throws a small stack of pictures. pictures of him fucking another girl.

“a-are you serious?”

“yes im serious. oh and we’ll be leaving this place tomorrow. be ready” chris says and exits the room. “where are we going?” you quickly grab his wrist and stops. “to australia”

landing and going to the hotel. chris stops you and gives you the keycard to your room. “my room is next to yours if you need me”. nodding your head a yes, you enter your room and place your bags down and sighed. what is happening right now.

chris walks out of his room to see you look like a goddess. “y/n” chris calls out. turning around, chris grins with his dimples showing and grabbing your hand to head to the place you two are meeting with. chris opens the passenger door for you and makes his way to the drivers seat after youre in. while driving, he places his hands on your thigh, making you want more of him. avoiding his hand, you close your eyes.

arriving at your destination, it turns out to a bar. entering the bar, chris leads you to a room. seeing people, you hide behind chris bc youre antisocial as fuck

“y/n, this is aeyeong. ayeong meet-” “y/n. yes i know her name” aeyeong says, looking at you then back to chris, seducing him. “you know y/n, me and chris used to talk.” walking up to you. “and fucked each other” aeyeongs whispers into your ear. feeling chris wrap his hands around yours, you push him away and left the room.

“this happened a long time ago-” feeling tense, chris was about to turn and find you til aeyeong grabbed his wrist. “i thought you said we would last forever hm? took you long enough to find her. even of all our messages.” aeyeong grabs her phone and pulls up their naked bodies in photos. sexting.

“enough aeyeong.” chris grabs her phone and throws it onto the floor. running out of the room to look for you, leaving aeyeong to laugh.

-

“mr bang!”

chris turns around and sees his partner running to him. “y-y/n. shes with aeyeongs boss. i just got a call from him-” “shut the fuck up and tell me which room” “room 325.”

chris runs to room 325 and sees you grind on the boss. “y/n” chris growls. not paying attention to chris, you feel aeyeong’s boss grope your ass and suddenly putting a knife towards your neck.

suddenly feeling someone pull you away from the man and unable seeing things, chris and the rest of his members pulls out their weapon.

opening your eyes and see yourself on a yacht, you walk around and find chris. seeing chris talk shit about you to his other partner. “she just really had to run away-”

“im sorry chris” you spoke out. chris turns around and tells his partner to leave for a moment. “this is all your fault. youre the one who left the room and potentially tried to seduce him. do you not know what he couldve done?”

arguing on the boat and heading to the railings, you slip off and fall into the water. panicking, chris falls into the water and saves you. taking you out of the water and goes to lay you down on the bed and stands by your side.

a few minutes later, you wake up with water coming out of your mouth, coughing. chris turns around and goes to you with worried eyes. “y/n, i-im sorry. please dont leave me, i need you” chris softly says and strokes your hair with tears starting to fall down his cheeks.

lifting your weak hands up to caress his cheeks, you pushed him down and began kissing him roughly. regretting as soon as you saw the red in his eyes. “so now you want it?” chris growls and begins to attack you with kisses and hickies. feeling your clothes ripped away from you.

a few weeks later, youre back in korea. chris leaves you for the day, saying he has business to attend to and will call you later. but hours flew by and still didnt have any calls. sighing, you call your best friend, minyeong who yells at you though the speakers after the first ring.

“are you kidding me y/n? you cant just leave me behind at hawaii?!”

“i know i know, ill explain if you come over”

after she hears you say the sentence, she hangs up and runs to your place. opening the door for her, she starts speaking nonsense and you just laughing at her.

“y/n, this is serious. stop laughing and tell me what happened.”

sitting down next to her, you tell her everything. even when you love him back. minyeong at first didnt like what chris did to you and what his job it, but you beg her for you to have happiness atlas. with minyeong wanting you to be the happiest, you two go to the bar.

feeling someones eyes on you, you told minyeong you were going to the restrooms as she continues dancing. almost at the door, someone slams you onto the wall. “y/n, baby. i missed you so much. im sorry-” feeling tears streaming as you remember the past events and pictures. you forced him to let go of you and run back to your place.

he follows you back to your apartment without you noticing and as you take a seat with his loud voice scares you. “baby please” he goes closer to you and tries to kiss you until a voice rang.

“im pretty sure she wants you to leave”

he looks at chris then back to you then slaps you. “you fucking whore. youve been cheating on me when you left me didnt you” shaking your head a no and the tears uncontrollably falling as you try to shield yourself from another slap.

receiving nothing, you look up and see chris holding his wrist to prevent him from hitting you. “if theres someone else who was cheating is you. now leave you fucker” chris whispers in his ears and runs away.

chris looks down and sees your shaking figure. he goes next to you and wraps his arms around you so you can start feel calm. reaching to that point, chris picks you up and lays you on the bed.

slowly kissing you from your lips to your chest. chris begins undressing you til you stop him. unbuttoning his top, you see the semi open wound from his business. grazing your fingers over it as you hear chris slightly whimper.

“chris, im in love with you”

chris smiles widely. “im in love with you too”. you two continue the heavy make out which turns into a passionate sex for you both.

waking up with you on chris’ chest, you feel him showing a smile. he turns to the nightstand and grabs something small but worthy.

“y/n l/n, would you please marry me?”

nodding your head yes a bunch of times, you kiss chris on the lips.

-

heading back to hawaii, youre back into the palace where chris kept you in. waking up from your slumber, you go outside and talk to chris. chris sees you and tells his partner that he’ll be right back.

“hey hey babygirl, what happened? you alright?” chris leaves his seat to go to you as you start feeling shitty. “chris, i dont feel goo-” your eyes are shut closed and almost falls on the hard concrete til chris caught you.

“c-changbin! help!” chris yells out to whoever is out. your lips are slowly turning pale. changbin runs to chris with a blanket to cover your cold body and helps him carry you to the car. changbin speeds to the hospital with chris’ tears falling onto you, holding your hands and kissing the back of it. “please be okay, please please” chris whispers.

changbin parks at the emergency lot and chris grabs your body and puts you on the stretcher as the nurses sees you two. “please save her” the nurses all nodded their head and disappeared into the doors with a chris on the floor, sobbing his heart out, praying for you to be okay.

-

finally hours passed by and chris was left alone as he told changbin to go back to the palace. eyes all red and puffy with his legs shaking, full of anxiety. “mr bang?” the doctors call out chris. he stands up too quickly, making him almost loose his balance but the doctor helps him balance for a few seconds. thanking him, he follows the doctor to your room.

chris runs to your side as he sees your eyes open, with all type of wires attached to you. “y/n baby are you okay?”. nodding yes with a small smile, chris looks at the doctor.

“it looks like miss y/n was 1 month pregnant. and also looks like she wasnt taking care of herself either so mr bang, do y/n a favor and help not only her, but the baby”

you and chris nod your head, understanding as the doctor leaves you two. chris turns into his soft self. “i love you” he giggles. “i love you too chris”. scooting further away from him, you pat on the empty spot on the bed for him. chris smiles widely and goes to lay down next to you. you fall asleep from the warmth of your fiance as he hugs you. “and i love you too baby” he whispers and puts his free hand on your growing stomach. kissing your head and falling asleep next to the love of his life.

END <3

[marioclash]

if i were to rank the kingdom hearts games (that i played, because i only played through the collection on ps4) it would be like

kh 2

birth by sleep

kh 3

kh 1

dream drop distance

birth by sleep -a fragmentary passage-

re:chain of memories

im gonna explain my picks under the cut as well

i did NOT like re:chain of memories gameplay, it was the one game that i actually gave up on because i could not stand the card system. it was overwhelming and annoying (maybe eventually ill play the gba original instead, i hear its a lot more fluid in that version)

bbs fragmentary whatever was like... i guess you could call it a glorified demo for the kh3 engine, i love aqua shes one of my favorite kh characters but like... this just left me wanting more, its not downright awful, but i wish i enjoyed it more

dream drop distance was??? forgettable? maybe a little mean to say, but i barely remember anything about the game. i remember the... free flow? i think thats what it was called? the parkour-type system i mean, the pet raising stuff... and being annoyed by the timer (which items helped with) but whatever. not that bad, just... eh

kh1 i feel that... given its the first game, i go easy on it. its clunky, theres some stuff that straight-up doesnt work. but its the first game, i dont care, its fine, i like kh1. at the very least i didnt dislike it to the point of not continuing to other games.

kh3... this game could easily jump anywhere on this list depending on how im feeling. jesus christ i am so conflicted because i feel that it gets way too much hate, but i also... dont think its really worthy as a follow-up to the last numbered entry. i could write a fucking novel on how conflicted i am with kh3. i do like the traversal a lot, (expanding from ddd system, and using it more cleverly) i like how they REALLY expanded the gummi ship sections (even though i usually just made a beeline for my next destination anyway), and its story was... there... it existed. will say though, one of the parts at the end... kiiiinda made me start tearing up and media doesnt usually make me do that. i dont wanna cry worst game ever 0/10 LAME of the year

birth by sleep is fantastic, it introduced aqua 10/10. but seriously i really liked birth by sleep. i dont know how it fares on the psp original but on the ps4 it is sublime, i love the characters, i... like...? the story, the gameplay is super fine-tuned, and i felt a sense of exploration i didnt really feel with most of the other games

kingdom hearts 2. goddamn this game is really good. i LOVED this fucking game. the traversal, music, the locales, the combat, the characters. i cant even really describe how good this game is. far and away the best in the series and probably the best action rpg ive ever played. if youve never played a kingdom hearts game and dont particularly care about the story, play kh2. im considering doing another playthrough eventually (which for me should speak volumes, because i RARELY replay games, especially rpgs)

[sickassastrology]

Who’s crushin on ya!? 😏🥰😍 This is a general pick a pile reading for the collective and your person. It may not resonate for all, so just take what sticks. Feel free to pick just one pile or take a look at them all. but please....be honest with your story. remember that timing is fluid and free will is something we all have. This could have already happened, your going through it, or will happen. Follow your heart always. -E 🌻💙

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~:~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PILE 1 ⭐️⭐️⭐️

So pile 1 your person is STUCK on you. This is someone from your past crushin on you. They just cant seem to get you out of their head-its literally making them sick. It’s like they have tried everything to distract themselves. But at the end of the day they are just worried sick, and have to speak whats on their mind. I see two 8s here so that number could be important to you or the connection. This person will be reaching out to you. this person lost you. You walked away from them and continued on with your life. And now that you left them, they are in a state of grief that you aren’t with them anymore. Ohhhhh, I see why you did....they were low vibes, huh? Had additions and didn’t want to come out of them either. Just stuck to their ball and chain. You gave A LOT to this connection. so much so that you were getting drained. I’m seeing a heart monitor, so it was like you were pumping love to this person on life support. And they were taking it. And it helped them, but they didn’t give it back because they didn’t have it. So-you had to leave. im getting that you had NOTHING left. Like even if you tried or wanted to give or have more for this person. they sucked you dry. And this hurt you. I am getting a betrayal energy from this person. They are stalking you too. If you moved on, they are looking at the new person around too. i heard the song “what we could have been“ by H.E.R. I see a guy driving around in his car at night listening to music smoking. So this person is dead in their feelings about you. They are reminiscing a lot about you. Don’t move too fast pile 1 because they are coming back. This person has done some work on themselves while they have been away too. They have been listening to spirit more. You were a divine light to them. you were placed in this persons path to help them with their addictions, help them be a better person. But nope they wanted to stay in the low vibes. like I always say, “and empress will never stay where she isn’t wanted. She will leave-BUT she will always be wanted back. She will always be needed. And this person, pile 1 needs you. i just heard I can’t live without you. So look out because they are coming around the mountain. Good luck. 😉

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PILE 2 🧿🧿🧿

Hi pile 2. Right off....this person wants to come back to you. But right now is a bad time. This person had a third party in the past and because of it, you cut them off. I don’t get the sense that this was a super long relationship. More of the beginning stages of developing into one. But this person was playing the field still. And you were having none of it. Youve been through enough. So you told them like it was, and if they try to come back again. You’ll tell them....again!! 😂 because you stood your ground, they view you as somebody different. I get that this person is used to getting over on people. But not with you so when you turned them away and cut them off. It forced them to make decision. and now their other options, I’m getting multiple people involved. They are done with them now. They have chosen you, and they are looking to come back. But boy oh boy they do have a ways to get there. This person could be at distance from you. I’m getting across water or state so they may travel to get there to you. but they have got to come correct because you are not playing! I get the sense of your not coming off of your throne-you just won’t do it. This group is no nonsense I mean honestly. 😩 your ready. You know your worth, and you are worthy of something good. You will not settle, nooooo not this time. Because youve already been through this. your heart can’t be played with anymore. This person is sad without you. They thought the other options would be better than you. Like oh “ill just go in my back pocket and choose from these”. But none were like you, so because of that....they feel STUPID. they feel so dumb, so sad that when they do come back. they won’t be able to even get a word in because you won’t hear them out. The “others“ are still coming for your person. Talk to them, be with them. But your person is just like no, I dont Want to be bothered, I want my bae back. But hey.....you may or may not be there when they decide to come. like they call you and if you answer then okay but if not, oh well. 😂 this person regrets what they've done. So dumb, so silly. To think....the other options were going to fulfill them. But they were sadly mistaken. pity boy, pity gal. 🥲 this person had options out the buttttt. They were playa playa from the Himalayas. this Person tried to play you, get over on you. And you found out. And said no not me, you WILL NOT do this to me. And they never had anyone do that to them. pile 2 I’m seeing you already know what it feels like to be not considered in a high regard. and You won’t do it again! Like if they want the others...go BYE! and now this person is feeling like they sabotaged this with you. They were living their ego. Somebody who has multiple options like that needs their ego to be fed. Like if the main person they want doesn’t work out or something happens they have backups. They can just go to someone else. Now this person feels like they aren’t enough for YOU! They now lack confidence, they are the jealous ones. They self-sabotaged. So yeah this person will come back with time, but your address may have changed by that time. *I just want to say I’m very proud of this group. A lot of lessons and growth!* best of luck! 😁

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PILE 3 🌸🌸🌸

alrighty pile 3, welcome! So this read will be more intuitive. Ironically enough, this group pulled three cards. So let’s get into it!.....*moment of silence because the energy is rather intense here*. I heard the song “baby come back” by player. I’m feeling this group has moved on from their person tbh. Like it’s just too little, too late for this person. This was somebody you walked away from. There was A LOTTT of love here. but also secrets and fears in this connection. With this person, your energy is coming up as “how could you do this to me-ME. Not in an egotistical way, but because you trusted and loved this person. And they loved you too. So when they did whatever they did to hurt or betray you, it was like how could you. 😩 I’m feeling like you weren’t even mad about it, more disappointed than anything. So after, you started just doing your own thing. Not really concerned with anything or anyone else. Just working on yourself. A reinvention. I’m seeing healthy eating or changing the color of your hair. Wearing sexy clothes (just for yourself) everything you started to do was about self love. And just when you started to move on or found someone new.....HERE THEY COME. like oh wait for me! i gotta be honest with y’all. I don’t feel like this person really cheated on you. I’m getting that maybe you thought they were doing you wrong but they weren’t. or a really bad agruement took place and something was said or done that was very distasteful and you felt betrayed by it. But I’m not getting strong cheating energy. You really thought it was something and it wasn’t and this person tried to explain and it went from there. (Downhill that is) there is so much sadness here. You really though this was going to work out and it didn’t. There has been some time that has passed here. This person didn’t know how to come back. no idea on what to say or do about the situation. But they daydream about it 24/7. They think about being intimate again and how it was like with you (if y’all were). this person wants to play something romantic. I’m seeing a dinner with candles a few drinks. Trying to take it back to the good times. But it took too long for this person. and now this person sees you with someone new And they can’t help but wonder...what if I would have gotten back in time. What if things would have worked out? This person does want to come back without a doubt! But will they? I’m not too sure, because it looks like you have someone else now. *PLOT TWIST*!!!! Pile 3 let me ask you this, do you love this new person like your old flame? I think NOT. You like this new person and everything, but your heart is with the person you broke up with. The new person is diggin you and likes you a lot. But there’s something thats just not hittin the same anymore. And your old person didn’t forget about you either. *i pulled extra cards for this group because I’m really feeling like this just may come back together. I’m getting that vibe heavy. For the outcome. I don’t see y’all coming back together ASAP because theres a decision that needs to be made and you don’t want to choose .your just kinda there. This connection right here is a divine pair. With the lovers and emperor here. But there’s still work that needs to be done by both parties and a conclusion by you. So you will be separated until then. I’m telling y’all...if you choose this person. Do not be surprised if this person gives you a ring. This person may right music or be into the arts. They may give you a gift that comes from their heart. a song. I heard melody. they could play an instrument or that was something you two had In common. The thought you of keeps this person sane while you aren’t with them. The thought of being with you again keeps them together. Like when they a bad day or something. Because you aren’t there physically, them daydreaming keeps them motivated. Pile 3, intuitively I gotta say it. I know y’all gotta make a decision and everything but this is going to work out. Idk when because time is fluid but it’s going to come back together. I’m telling y’all

now. its Going to take patience but in time it will. This connection is strong, y’all love each other too much. This person loves you. And they want to restore this! Like I said, this new person...your not fooling me! Yeah you like them, but that heart of yours didnt go anywhere. I’m going to say for this pile, your going to have to make the first moves because they feel like your done with them. They feel like there’s nothing they can do or say to get you back. WOW, you all have to let me know how this plays out because it will work out! I almost want to cry. can I get an invite to the wedding with a +1 please!?

[percedurza]

I HAVE ALREADY SPOKE ON LENGTH ABOUT THE PRINCE OF EGYPT BUT NOT THE WHOLE THING ONLY THE PLAGUES AND MOSTLY PASSOVER. I JUST WATCHED THE FULL MOVIE FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I WAS A KID IM GONNA TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN BECAUSE IT WAS SO GOOD. OKAY.

okay let me first say that i was in tears within the first ten minutes of the movie. deliver us was so powerful and heartbreaking i cried BEFORE THE TEN MINUTE MARK. yeah.

when moses' mother sang her final lullaby to her son and pushed him downstream in that (blessed and very fortunate) basket my heart hurt. i cried with her. that was the last time she would ever see her baby.

when his sister sang her prayer for her baby brother, wishing for him to come back to deliver them as well, that just drove the nail in harder.

in a later scene before the banquet you can hear moses humming that last lullaby and since deliver us was just maybe ten minutes prior you remember it and realize he really did keep that final song.

and the banquet oh yeah ramesses gets appointed this big title? and he names moses as the grand architect

and theres this captured hebrew lady brought in for ramesses but shes fierce (i would be too, she was captured and brought to the people she hates the most) and so ramesses orders her to be brought to moses' chambers instead

moses goes to his chambers and suprise! she escaped! moses chases after and sees her sneaking out with her camel and distracts some guards so she wont get caught and once the guards are gone he goes after her again aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand

miriam (moses' sister) meeting him in the city streets and recognizing him, telling him he's her family and him shutting her down and calling her a slave.... it hurt. when she hums that lullaby and he RECOGNIZES and then rushes back home to have a dream about that day he was sent away (in beautiful animation designed to look like the hieroglyphs on his wall) its all so painful to watch him be forced out of nowhere to realize his life is a LIE because hes not a true prince of egypt, he's born of the slaves, and then his father the pharaoh justifies the order to slaughter innocent babies by saying "they were just slaves" and OUGH

moses kills a man. unintentional but he killed a man while trying to stop him from beating a slave. oops.

he cant live with this so he runs away into the desert. theres this scene where he collapses to the ground and sheds all of the jewelry and adornments from his life as royalty but as he takes off the ring ramesses gives him, he looks at it. and slowly puts it back on. because no matter what, he still loves his brother, and he always will.

moses falls into a well. yeah. chases off some ruffians and then basically faints and falls in. these girls the ruffians were harassing started pulling him out and SURPRISE SURPRISE the captured lady from the banquet is there and she drops him back in when she recognizes him and walks away all smug and her name is tzipporah! just an fyi (very pretty name love it)

moses basically gets adopted into the group of hebrews and moses says something about not ever having done anything of worth and so tzipporah's father jethro sings a little tune to him!

through heavens eyes is a masterpiece. i really dont know what else to say also i want jethro to be my dad hes so nice

aaanyway moses and tzipporah get married during the through heavens eyes montage! i just think thats nice

OKAY now juicy stuff the BURNING BUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the scene in which moses encounter the burning bush and god.

god claims that he has seen his people (the hebrew slaves) suffering and cannot stand for it any longer, so he wishes to send moses as a sort of ambassador of god

and moses doesnt think hes worthy of being god's messenger, which god quickly shuts up by pointing out how he's kind of, like, GOD

and he teaches moses those big old words, "LET MY PEOPLE GO" wahoo!!!!!!

he rushes home to tell tzipporah, and shes like "but ur just one dude" and hes like "well i kinda have to also the hebrews are suffering in slavery so :////"

tzipporah and moses head on over to meet ramesses and theyre all excited to see each other and then moses is like "behold the power of god!!!!!!" and his staff becomes a snake. pretty gnarly if i do say so myself

and then the high priests are like "ok" and start basically performing and rapping the names of the egyptian gods at moses in response i really dont know how to describe it but its basically a whole lotta smoke and mirrors. not actual miracles

moses talks to ramesses and asks him to let his people go, and instead doubles the slave's workload. the slaves basically hate moses now because yeah he technically is the reason theyre getting pushed harder and even his own brother aaron seems to loathe him. miriam talks to moses and he sees ramesses' ship gliding down the nile nearby

he calls out to ramesses and he just sends his guards after him. and so moses brings the staff down and turns the river to blood.

THEN THE REST OF THE PLAGUES ENSUE!!!

theres this specific part of the plagues scene in which ramesses stands between two statues of egyptian gods and glances at them as if to ask why the fuck arent they doing anything about the LITERAL hellfire and general havoc being brought down on the city. just thought that was a really cool detail.

AND OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH passover. i really shouldnt get excited about talking about an event that killed a whole heck ton of kids but its like fnaf at this point who cares ANYWAY THE DEAD KIDS

i already talked about the passover scene but what i didnt include (i think) is how when god's spirit or whatever idk enters the palace, it passes over a statue of ramesses and you just think, oh fuck wait RAMESSES HAD A SON.

and sure enough, that son is dead. moses walks in as ramesses pulls a sheet over his sons dead body and ramesses finally, after all of the plagues, tells moses he can take the hebrews and leave.

as moses walks away you can see ramesses glare at moses because he may have said he was done but. hes not. of course.

moses and the hebrews are leaving with yet another beautiful musical sequence (when you believe) and you can see the hordes of former slaves walking to the sea.

AAND just like i said RAMESSES WASNT FINISHED! he brings a whole bunch of soldiers on horseback and chases the hebrews, and god literally rains fire on them again this time in the form of a flaming tornado that sweeps across the sand, making a big old wall of fire that the egyptian soldiers cant get through

which gives moses the time to do the famous parting of the sea. he brings that staff down in the water and DOES GODS WONDERS!!! yay!!!

watching them walk on the seabed was beautiful. with some lightning strikes you could see the silhouette of some kind of shark swimming in the water (looked it up there are sometimes whale sharks in the red sea this is accurate)

and the fire tornado recedes into the earth, the fire fades, the soldiers chase on at ramesses' orders. the water sweeps them away just as the hebrews make it to the other side and it later cuts back to ramesses, alone on the rocky shore, screaming out at moses. hes completely alone, soldiers presumably dead, and no family to speak of. his side of the sea is cloudy and gloomy, still stormy, but when it jumps back to the hebrews in celebration, the sun shines bright and happy. the hebrews are free.

the movie ends with moses walking down the mountain sinai, ten commandments in hand, while the last snippet of deliver us plays once again.

only one other movie has evoked this much of this kind of emotion in me.(the one movie is klaus LMAO klaus made me ugly cry) there was not a single second of watching this that i didnt have goosebumps.

the movie itself just looks pretty. all of the characters have unique and neat designs. (its also nice to see a movie with only poc in it like im just saying)

the musical scores and numbers are so expertly made. my favorite has to be deliver us but through heavens eyes is a very close second. through heavens eyes made me feel better about myself, in a way. the entire movie was like some healing experience.

all in all, this is an S tier movie, and i BEG BEG BEG anyone who hasn't seen it to watch it. just pirate it or something (i did lol watched it on an illegal streaming site)

if you're not religious and havent seen it, think of it as a chance to learn more about abrahamic faiths. if you are religious and havent seen it, well hey! here you go!!

[wolf-stark]

You ask I deliver — both tfatws asks in one!

tfatws weekly ask 1

i finally saw ep1!! i wont be able to see ep2 until thursday at the earliest but i already have some Thots on this ep. here are the ones I remember

first is, and i'm so sorry for this, a grammar lesson. an appositive is when you stick an additional phrase in between commas, dashes, or the like. i actually just used one! the "and i'm so sorry for this" in the first sentence of this paragraph is an appositive. thing is, most english speakers don't normally use them when they speak, only in writing. so i'm always on high alert whenever i hear somebody in tv or movies use one. (it's generally a marker of bad screenwriting). anyway there was one right in the beginning of the episode. the white army guy yelling at sam wilson said "first lieutenant Torres, our intel officer, will be helping on the ground." yeah so. the writing of this series started out on the wrong foot for me. but the rest of the episode was obviously tons and tons better (every interview i see with malcolm spellman makes me love him more and more)

the contrast between the opening minutes (falcon action sequence) and the rest of the ep.... i would 100000/10 rather watch a series with just sam and bucky dealing with life. i dont give a single crap about the flag-smashers or any of that. i just want sam, sarah & fam getting their boating business back on the ground & yeeting racist dickwads, bucky going through therapy and making amends, sam and joaquin being bros, sambucky homoerotic tension, etc.

the cinnamontography! wandavision mostly used cinematography to signify era n stuff. tfatws doesn't have wv's premise to go off of, so here's some tricks i noticed:

with sam there's obviously all sorts of shots with the captain america iconography next to his face, but he hasn't totally claimed it. there's the mural of steve rogers in the background; there's sam staring into the shield like it's a spectre of steve's face; there's sam looking into the exhibit, the shield and sam separated by glass and a layer of camera focus. steve is a constant spectre, always there, an idea, a symbol himself. sam's relationship with this iconography is distanced. he is separated by glass exhibit walls. by painting canvases. he doesn't yet feel worthy to take on that iconography. this whole thing was pulled off quite well but also a bit on-the-nose if only in quantity. there's just sooooo much fancy iconography stuff

speaking of the exhibit, there's something that i get real pissy about. it's when like, there's an action going on you're supposed to be paying attention to but the cinematographer is like,,,, hey! check out this location! or this headline! or something! there was a lot of that in the exhibit. the camera was like, you could focus on sam and rhodey's convo (which was fine but could have been so much better with an extra like 10 minutes of deep character study talk) but noooo you want me to look at the symbol for the united nations and read all the text about bucky who hasn't even showed up yet. shut up i know the lore and ill watch the shot-by-shot breakdown yt vids you don't have to make the shot this long jkdsalcjklasejf

my fav trick was with bucky and the therapist. i had seen a clip of the scene with bucky and the therapist beforehand and i thought the cinnamontography was super obnoxious, but then i was like, oh duh. the shots frequently change the distance between the camera and its subject. sometimes it's uncomfortably close and sometimes it's really far. a clear allegory for the duality of therapy, esp for bucky! therapy is an invasive process wherein he is ruthlessly examined, picked apart, and berated for his trauma (this therapist is crap in every way btw, "mean therapist" works for greg house and greg house only). so the camera goes close. it makes the viewer claustrophobic like bucky. but when he's like "no i haven't had any nightmares" the camera suddenly goes really far. we see bucky as this tiny head in the center of the bottom of the frame. we are distanced from him. he has pushed us away. we cannot see him. he lies because he is vulnerable. so yeah, amazing work there. the therapy scene was hard to watch on purpose!

did bucky slip a note to yori inside the dollar bill? bucky stop making me emooooo. the suuper awkward fake smile has me 😭 (veteran trying to adjust!)

mark my worrrrds when sam asks someone y the govt picked john “white bread” walker they’re gonna say “we needed somebody everyone can get behind....someone uncontroversial, someone everyone can see themselves in” like that exact racist dog whistle

tfatws weekly ask 2

just saw ep2 so im taking advantage of the 2 seconds i can be on tumblr without worrying about tfatws spoilers before new episode drops

when isaiah said "your people put me in prison for being a hero" and bucky thought "your people" means hydra. 🤦‍♂️

speaking of racism, the interplay between sam being Black (anti-Black racism) and sam being the Falcon (negrophilia, "can i take a selfie w you as i deny you a loan?") and the intersection between the two (j*hn lichrally called sam "steve's wingman"! he takes the crypto out of crypto-racist in like 2 seconds!) !!!!!!!! a Black celebrity's Black experience, the separation of man and identity!!!! (thinking about vanessa bayer in snl in that skit "beyonce is black" telling her black friend "you're not black, you're...my girl!")

after sam gets racially profiled by cops we see j*hn standing in front of cop cars cinematic parallels turns out j*hn is racist who knew

this therapist sucks major ass but she got bucky and sam together in the same room and ready to collaborate...that's something ig. it was lichrally couple's therapy she said she used her miracle exercise with couples sambucky antis get blended

bucky says "he was wrong about you so maybe he was wrong about me"...that's not how people talk. when therapist asks bucky, the guy who doesn't talk at all about himself, "y do you hate sam", the last thing bucky's gonna do is actually connect his hatred of sam to his own self-worth issues. bucky generally refuses to talk about himself, so why would he talk about himself in the one context that nobody ever links back to their own neuroses: hatred of other people? one thing human beings hate most is admitting we're wrong. admitting you hate someone because of your own issues? that's a major therapeutic step. bucky would absolutely have to be prompted to do that. even like one or two lines of dialogue more would have set up that line better. but in terms of the actual thought? an amazing way to take the sam/bucky relationship. bucky bases his self-worth on steve believing in him, and if steve is wrong bucky has no self-worth, so 1) he has to develop self-worth disassociated from steve's assessment of him and 2) he has to love himself before he can love sam, and 3) he has to realize that sam giving up the shield is a sign of sam's humility not his unworthiness.

conversely, we don't get into why sam hates bucky? yeah sam has the right to hate a guy that has tried to kill him (albeit while brainwashed) multiple times, and now shows up in his life just to bash him but. everything happens so fast i cant follow their relationship

in fact i dont feel like i understood much of anything. like y did bucky and sam go on that mission together? how connected are sam/bucky/joaquin with the government? doesn't bucky just want to retire now? literally what is everyone doing/feeling and why???

if battlestar becomes a knowing commentary on the black best friend stereotype i'm gonna party, but i dont expect much of that

the interplay between man and symbol. captain america is obviously a symbol. the shield is obviously a symbol. but steve rogers? the. man behind the cowl? he too seems to become a symbol. a paragon of a good guy, so good he's unreachable. steve was just a guy stop idolizing him the last thing steve would want is to be idolized

as the resident musician/music nerd on mcublr, 1) that captain america rally music slaps, but 2) re: the song at the end of the ep, if you're just gonna rip off mozart's lacrymosa then at least play mozart's lacrymosa. we wont blame you the lacrymosa slaps (if you dont know what im talking about go on yt and search it up youll recognize it fo sho

look i love enfys nest as much as the next guy but if tfatws is gonna get erin kellyman to play another innocent little gurl blackmailed into the fakeout-villain position (her text seemed to suggest as such) then 😡 like why can't women just....be evil? young, freckly, innocent-looking women? girls are not untouchable pure objects but full of rage and resentment just as much as anyone can be

bonus ep1 comment: bucky says about that senator whose car he hijacked, "she continued to abuse the power i gave her." fictionaldarling on yt say that he says "i" because he can't disassociate himself from his winter soldier persona which begets endless and senseless guilt. like dude. can i not be emo for like 1 second.

OKay. First off, as much I enjoy your sending it to me, what made you decide to send me these??

-

TFATWS WA #1

Don't worry about getting this to me as early as possible. I usually don't watch the episode right away.

1. Cool writing lesson.

2. Everyone wants a comedy show [like Friends] about the MCU superheroes.

3. Cinematography is always a beautiful thing.

4. Sam definitely has to carve his own Captain America status for himself, outside of Steve's ya know everything.

5. They have to do that for people who was just now tuning in because they're in love with Sam Wilson or Sharon Carter.

6. I think the therapist was taking a 'tough love' approach for Bucky, because she likely has some very strong opinions about the literal assassin she's been assigned to give therapy too. She did not choose to talk to him, she was assigned that make that clear in the second episode.

And, Bucky isn't lying when he said it wasn't a nightmare. It wasn't a nightmare, it was a resurfaced memory. So, technically he wasn't lying - and yes, the camera does move away because while he's saying he didn't have a nightmare, he's not expanding on what actually happened - so, he's still pushing the therapist/us away.

7. Bucky, and Steve, have/had a TON to adjust to.

8. Yeah, I agree that will be the bullshit line they give. If they ever actually talk about it.

TFATW WA #2

Yeah, always got to take advantage of avoiding those spoilers lmfaoo.

1. Honestly, that line was double meaning. Both about White people and Hydra [which is made up of mostly white supremacists/nazis] So, the line is gesturing to both White People in general and Hydra assholes together. I think the terminology is “double edge sword”??

2. This whole paragraph structure confused me, ngl - so I'm going to answer it the best I can. I do like that they're not ignoring the fact that Sam being Black is 1000% the reason he's not the Official Captain America - because the gov't is racist as hell.

I also like the little lines about how they point out little things about Sam's Falcon persona, like that kid calling him 'Black Falcon' specifically and Sam's response show the split between Sam and Falcon itself.

John is a dick for calling Sam the wingman of Steve Rogers. Sam was a hero all on his own before Steve asked him to join up again. [Side note, it's lichrally??]

3. Exactly, the parallel of Sam being profiled and surrounded while just on the street and John being surrounded by fans and being able to spring Bucky with apparently only a few sentences shows a Loooooot

4. Honestly, at this point I wonder if she's not actually a therapist and is just an agent assigned to assess Bucky outside of an Official Building. I do know, however, that her 'look at each other and speak' exercise is actually a real therapy practice. It's just a little slower.

5. Actually, I think he would've blurted that out. That whole line. I don't think Bucky hates Sam. I think they could've done the scene better, but I think that had Sam prodded him/the therapist been more annoying Bucky would've lost control of his emotions and blurted out the whole "If he was wrong about you, he was wrong about me" but I feel like the writing for this show is just... not there. Sometimes you blurt shit when you get overemotional and I think that was what Bucky was supposed to be like.

6. I don't think Sam hates Bucky, I think he doesn't trust him though. I do wish they'd talked about that though. The whole 'talk to each other' scene should've been a LOT longer and a LOT slower.

7. Sam and Bucky's relationship is being fast tracked because they don't really know how to work the relationship out, writers-room-wise. Bucky is technically retired, but I feel like he's trying to live up to Steve's expectations and doing what Steve would've done and we all know that if Steve was there, Steve would've jumped on that plane with Sam. It looks like Sam/Bucky/Joaquin are a side-team based from Military services but as Sam says they're all free agents so...?

8. Sadly, They seem to just be propping up to be another stereotype.

9. Captain America is a symbol. Steve Rogers is a man. But now Steve Rogers is an idol because of all the shit he's been through and honestly, it's not a bad thing he's become an idol for people - it's using Steve as a reason to make White Bread Walker the next Captain that makes Steve's idolization so fucked.

10. I don't know anything about music so I have no opinion here, sorry.

11. Enfys?? Also, I think they did the whole Innocent Girl Thing as side commentary for Bucky lowering his guard about seeing a young girl rather than a guy.

12. Bucky is the Winter Solider. The Winter Solider is Bucky. That is how Bucky will always see it because although he was brainwashed, it was still him and he remembers all of it. When you have constant memories of something 'someone else' did, you tend to not be able to pull the two personas out of each other. I want Bucky to take up the title, White Wolf instead of Winter Soldier. Honest.

This is all my opinion, I’m honestly a little disappointed with the writing of TFATWS so far so... I’m not really optimistic about this.

[hey-hamlet]

Spamming asks anyway. What happened to Izuku? Does Nedzu know about them? Do the other teachers know? Do they break down the doors of USJ to help the kids? How does All Might react if he sees Nana? Does Aizawa give Izuku all the pets? Who gets OfA? Are any of the students aware they exist? Can they speak human? If not can Kouda talk to them? How strong are they? What do they eat? Do they have magic? How do they react to the dorms being built? Does Bakugou remember Izuku? (1/2)

dont be sorry for ask spam, i love it!! 

What happened to Izuku? 

He and Katsuki were playing heroes near the forest, but a villain attacked the park and they got separated. Izuku was lost in the woods and wandered deeper and deeper. It was so cold, and he was so tired.

He lay down to sleep.

more answers under the cut

Does Nedzu know about them?

Nezu knows about the forest guardians and has interacted with them pretty often. Infact, he was present when Izuku became a guardian vs a human

The first time he heard Nana speak is when she called out to him for help, some time after he became principal. He abandons his dignity and shoes to run on all fours because hes never heard the forest guardian sound so pained before.

Turns out there was a child she didnt reach in time. Nezu has to tell her there isnt anythng he can do, so she picks the kid up in spindly arms, kisses him gently on the forehead and Hezu watches as its bones cack and bend. He watches it take it’s first steps on fawnlike feet. the first thing it says is “kacchan?”

 They quickly gather it doesnt remember much other than its friend. As it gets to morning he has to leave them, and watches Nana curl around the new guardian as it cries out for him

Nezu has actually allowed the forest to grow closer and closer to the walls and has expanded the on campus portions of it to allow Nana greater freedom. She keeps the kids safe.

Do the other teachers know?

Nezu is very very relcutant to tell anyone about the intelligent animals/monsters in the forest for… obvious reasons. Many of the teachers have seen glimpes of Izuku because hes not the best at hiding yet, but often assume he was just a deer. Aizawa has had a run in with the both of them when he passed out from bloodloss on the border of the forest durring a patrol. Hes not convinced they were real, but he woke up just against the UA barrier the next morning. 

Do they break down the doors of USJ to help the kids?

Nana can’t enter the grounds proper by herself as they dont connect to the forest. But, Izuku can, and he does. He loses a leg to Shigiraki (which grows back, like a month later) and kind of breaks the Nomu’s spine over and over.

The new, fawn like creature may have been weaker and less resilient than the Nomu, but it was faster and smarter. Again and again, it dodged through the monster’s legs, tripping it and snapping at exposed brain tissue and tearing at the spinal column. Each time it went down, only for a second, before it knitted itself together with a shrieking roar. Again and again it sprung out of it’s fearsome reach to try again.

Clutching his broken teacher, Todoroki could only hope it would somehow win.

How does All Might react if he sees Nana?

So Izuku actually drags him by the shirt to Nana, who is trying to hide all 10 feet of herself behind a tree because she’s embarassed to be a “Monster” now. All Might cries and hugs her, Nana lets out a happy little trill and picks him up. 

Izuku is sat a few meters away looking like a very smug cat.

Does Aizawa give Izuku all the pets?

Yes! He becomes some what of a class mascot honestly, and keeps “sneaking” into the school (Nezu gave him a student card so hes really just entering normally). Everyone gives him lots of hugs after they get over the extra legs and the 5 feet tall-ness of him.

Who gets OfA? 

Mirio! After Nana gives Nighteye a bonk on the head for presuring All Might.

Are any of the students aware they exist? 

Pre-USJ? Not exactly. There is a rumor that a monster protects them, and some people claim to have seen it, but its mostly a UA urban legand. Post-USJ? only 1A and the teachers are aware of them, because Nezu “requested” (demanded) they be left out of press coverage to protect them. Izuku uses his more human form when walking the hallways and people assume hes a student or something.

Can they speak human? If not can Kouda talk to them? 

Hm. Kinda-ish. They can understand it perfectly, but speaking it is an other matter. Nana can hold pretty stilted conversations but Izuku is mostly limited to “Hero, Save, Help and Friend”. Kouda can speak to them! Nana speaks like a normal human, Izuku is very stilted.

How strong are they? 

Ok thats tricky. Nana is just very very strong, and stronger than Izuku, but I’m not sure how to quantify her so just imagine her as 5 times (or more) stronger than Izuku. 

Izuku has the physical strength of one very strong dude, but is insanely fast, faster than the Nomu so about the speed of All Might. Hes smart and sly, good at planning but hampered by the fact he cant really share his plans. He has about the physical resiliance of a teenage boy though, so can only take the beatings canon Izuku can.

What do they eat? 

As long as they are in the forest: Nothing. If Izuku leaves the forest, he needs to eat, and can eat just about whatever a human can and more - hes more resistant to toxins and bacteria.

Do they have magic? 

I think the quirk scientists in universe would cry if you called it magic, but thats what it is. Izuku has an ok control of forest plants, and a very mild control of plants outside his forest (think flowers blooming, leaves growing, branches moving like 1cm every 5 secs). It’s only combat-worthy inside his forest. Hes faster than he should be able to move, stronger within the forest and has a small varity of forms he can shift into : weird cat (very large cat size), almost a person, default (weird deer), combat (weird deer but pointier), and weird bird (4 wings, 5 feet long). 

Nana do what Izuku can, has a few more forms and can teleport anywhere in the forest, has a vauge general awareness of anything going down within it, and has pretty tight control over all the plants within it. Inside the forest shes basically unkillible, no matter how much damage she takes.

How do they react to the dorms being built? 

Happy! They exist to keep the creatures in the forest safe, they they totally count the UA students as part of that. Izuku can sometimes be found sleeping on the comom room couches

Does Bakugou remember Izuku?

Yep. He feels really guilty, because Izuku was like his brother and he was ment to protect him because his quirk hand’t come in yet and he was a bit of a crybaby, but when they villain showed up he lost him. Inko moved in with him and his mum after the funeral, because she just had no one else.

[mental-health-advice]

(part 1)im currently on an exchange year, and im so sad. ive always been a shy person, but i thought it would change when i came here, everyones just themselves but i just cant allow myself, because of my insecurities and extreme fear of judgement. im just not happy and i cant remember the last time i was, in elementary school i was sad, and looked forward to middle school, in middle school i was sad and looked forward to highschool, and in highschool i was sad an looked forward to exchange,

(part 2)but ive always felt the same: sad, and more specifically, sad about being shy and not really connecting with a lot of people, feeling lonely. the exchange year has just amplified this because i see how well the other exchange students connect with people and how quickly they make friends. i just dont know what to do, do you think i might have a mentall illness, can you give me some advice on what to do?

Hey lovely,

Before I start, I want to explain that we’re not professionals here at MHA. Therefore we can’t tell you whether you might have a mental illness. We also recommend you not to self-diagnose for the reasons listed here. 

I can imagine that an exchange year is quite confronting when you don’t make friends as easily. I personally haven’t done an exchange year, but I have friends who have gone to a different uni for half a year (on exchange) and I’ve gone to visit them there. When I was there, I got the impression that it’s all very social and that it’s really tough if you don’t connect easily. So I understand that this is really difficult for you now! 

I want you to know that it’s okay to be shy, it’s okay to take a bit longer connecting to someone. It doesn’t make you any less worthy of a person! 

I do think it would be good to work on the fear of judgement you’ve been experiencing, because as you’ve seen that doesn’t bring you anywhere. Sometimes it can help to turn the situation around; if someone else was saying something or doing something (the thing that you want to say/do but are too afraid to do), would you judge them? If you wouldn’t judge them, is it reasonable to believe that others would judge you? Something that I’ve also found helpful is something that I was told in therapy. I’m afraid I don’t have a source, but what they said is that research has shown that of the people you know, 33% will like you, 33% will not like you, and 33% will feel indifferent. What that shows is that regardless of what you do or say, there will be people who like you and there will be people who don’t like you. Knowing this really put things into perspective for me and it’s helped me to try and not worry as much about what everyone thinks. 

You mention that you’ve always been feeling sad but looking forward to something. While it’s good to have something to look forward to, you are then putting a lot of pressure on that, because it has to be the thing that makes you feel less sad. And frankly, I don’t think that’s how it works. Feeling sad is really awful and it isn’t something that you’ve asked for. However, the only one able to work on changing it, is you. If you wait for external factors to ‘fix’ the sadness, that isn’t going to work out. 

That’s why I think it would be good if you could reach out and speak to a counsellor, for example. You can read more about getting help here. Together with them you can work through the feelings you’ve been experiencing for years and step by step work on feeling happier. Because it is possible for you to feel happier! I believe in you. I hope this helped at least a little bit. Let us know if there’s anything else we can help out with!

Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard.Love Pauline

[ihavenoconsistentname]

Ignore me while I spill out some of my triggers randomly I don't know I've never actually like,, said all of them?? I'm not doing it now for any particular reason I'm just rambling a lot right now so this is adding to that I suppose, plus I guess I like getting things off my chest in random text posts you dont have to read all this if you dont want and it could have triggering elements so I'll try to tag whatever triggers I feel like I might wanna tag just in case and if theres any I missed tell me

So yeah random triggers or things I just generally dislike because of past experience or some sort of effect they have on me (by the way I'm not 100% certain of why some of these bother me they just do I dont wanna say its trauma because I dont think anything here would be considered trauma-worthy?? In my case, that is);

Anything about needles going into skin or veins,, aaaaa,,, anything with talking abt that makes me feel uncomfy and last time someone made me think I would have a needle stuck in my vein for a blood test I had a panic attack (my boyfriend kinda told me I was a pussy for getting so worked up about it :( dont do that to people pleaaase,, different people are uncomfortable abt different things even if you dont see it)

Loud noises aggravate me if its multiple people being loud and obnoxious when they shouldn't be or just don't need to but it's only bad if I'm in a space that isn't too vast and that I can't just leave like a classroom where people are being loud. I wouldnt say that itself in general is a trigger but;

Sudden loud noises and repeated ones like banging on a desk or something can be a trigger for me, loud noises like that make me jump and mess with my anxiety plus I have paranoia so if it's truly out of nowhere I might feel anxious (one of my classmates bangs on desks a lot and its loud plus he sits near me in the two classes where he does it often and it really bothers me)

People showing me too much affection or showing it in a certain way when I either don't know them well enough or they just have a totally different personality than what I'm used to/comfortable with,, it makes me feel uncomfortable if a person like that would touch me at all or do something like send me a lot of heart emojis (example of something someone has done and I felt really uncomfortable because they did it a LOT)

People pretending to hit me or making it seem like they will, this one is more of a trigger because my grandma used to hit me for no reason (idk if you would consider that abuse?? I never describe it as that because I dunno it doesnt really seem like it) so sometimes if people make sudden movements near me I get scared that they were gonna hit me and if they actively try to hit me/act like they will it can give me a panic attack (like I said with the thing about my grandma plus my sister has threatened to hit me a lot so I've always been afraid of that)

People touching me when I either tell them not to or they don't get permission and they arent someone I trust or am close to,, one hug might be okay but after that I won't feel comfortable with it (another example of something someone has done!! I told someone not to touch my hair and they did anyway, I'm only okay with my very close friends doing that!!)

In addition to the touching thing, people touching me in certain areas like I dont want people touching my face, hands, chest area, or anything like that unless they've gotten my explicit permission, someone once put their hand on my chest and tried grabbing for my binder when I told them I was trans and do I even need to say how that crosses the line??

People I'm not friends with calling me certain things, not just things that could be insulting but also pet names or calling me a child,, someone irl referred to me and Alic as "children" and yeah we basically are I guess but I dont want people calling me that, only my friends can call me that?? But other than that you would need my permission to call me certain things if we arent close or friends, you are allowed to call me stuff like kiddo or a non-threatening "kid" if you want, it wont bother me, you just cant like call me random things and expect me to be cool with absolutely anything

Drunk people,, I guess that could be a bit of a trigger because of a couple things; a) my sister and her friend were drunk once and her friend repeatedly tried kissing me and I was so damn uncomfortable with it and felt violated, I still feel that even if it was like, I think last year?? I dont remember, but b) one time my sister was drunk (again) and she picked up a knife and starting coming near me with it and I started panicking telling her to stop but she kept following me with it and I was honestly afraid she would stab me, it wasnt a big knife but I was still afraid

This one is less general but when people upset teachers,, my first period teacher Ms Hamilton has her daughter Catherine sub for her when shes out and a few students make her mad a lot by not doing what they're told and she yells really loudly, which is a bit of a trigger for me circling back to the loud noises bit, I'm really afraid of when adults yell around me even if it's not yelling AT me, partially because loud noises scare me anyway and also I think it's because my dad would yell at my sister a lot because she would argue with him and that always made me come close to breaking down because I couldn't get out of the area where it was happening

Something that makes me uncomfortable is people who will try to text you often every day because I'm so bad at socializing and barely ever have good responses so when they text me too much I feel too obligated to text back and it stresses me out, only one person has done this (they also violated my touch boundaries and did the uncomfortable affection thing) and I ended up just ghosting them after a while because it was too much for me, I know that's weak but I work differently

Trigger for my paranoia is unsettling images that are just an overly creepy visual, some things I cant even describe why they creep me out, but it easily can trigger my paranoia and I hallucinate sometimes seeing creepy shadows and those things can add to it or give me anxiety so yeah I cant be sent creepy images like that,, not like gore stuff I can look at that it's just a certain kind of unsettling

Random thing I dont like sometimes is adults telling young people to act their age because typically they say it to people who are like 13 and 14 and at that age you cant expect them to be very mature yet?? Plus some of them actually do act more mature and then other adults will try to argue that they're just kids so they dont actually understand when they're speaking logically so what the hell do you want, for them to act their probably immature age or for them to act older?? Pick one and stick with it instead of adjusting it constantly for your own arguments or instead of saying act your age just say not to act like a kindergartner or not to act like a dunce or to behave better

[camillemontespan]

the epiphany [AU. drake walker x MC]

Set on the evening of the 'The Awakening'. I wrote that Drake and Camille had had a fight before he went to her apartment to fix things, so here is what happened :) p.s I realised halfway through that in the other parts of the fic, Camille had never been to Drake’s before. I forgot that she had (bad planning on my part, sorry!) So let’s just ignore it, act like she had been to his apartment briefly. Cool.

The sleek black town car pulled up in front of Camille's brownstone, right on schedule. 7pm. Camille checked her reflection in the mirror. Her dark hair was tousled and her eye makeup smokey. She reapplied her nude lipstick before grabbing her silver clutch and left the apartment.

Liam was waiting for her in the town car. He was dressed up, wearing a black suit. 'You look fancy,' she said, slipping into the car beside him. 'You look gorgeous,' he replied, kissing her cheek before signalling to his driver to head to the restaurant. It was a new restaurant on the Upper East Side and Liam had been keen to take her so they could try something new. 

He had been taking her on dates for the past month and they had been lovely dates, she wouldn’t dispute that, but she felt something was off. As in, with her. But she wasn’t sure what. 

The car pulled up outside the restaurant and Liam helped her out. ‘I got us the best table in the house,’ he told her, smiling. The restaurant was decked out in green marble, dark wood tables and downlights. The waiter led them out on the terrace where a single table was stood, overlooking the view of the city skyline. ‘Wow...’ Camille breathed. Liam smiled and drew out her chair. They settled down and Liam ordered a bottle of Dom Perignon. Camille tried her best to hide her wince; she hated it when he flashed the cash, but that was how he was. The son of a technology mogul who had counted Steve Jobs as a close friend and a  mother who was an ex-Victoria’s Secret model, Liam had been used to a lavish lifestyle all of his life. He had gone to Princeton, graduated first in his class and had went on to work on Wall Street.  Whenever he took Camille out, it was bottles of champagne and caviar all night. At first, she had insisted they split the bill but when she saw the amount, she had awkwardly admitted that her half of the bill was her rent. Liam had happily paid and he had continued to pay every time they had a date. She wished he would just take her to a normal place or even just a bar where they could shoot pool but they never did. 

They sat and talked about work, new gallery exhibitions in the city and food. It was nice conversation but that was all it was. Nice. As he talked about his boss, Camille’s thoughts wandered away from the conversation and she found herself  thinking about Drake. 

Liam’s best friend. The guy she hadn’t exactly gotten along with at first but they suddenly started to talk more, before they began hanging out together alone. Drake was so different from Liam. He was friendly, of course, but he had these walls up which made it hard to get past the rough edges of him. But Camille had persevered and she found that he was a softie under the tough exterior. He had admitted one night when they were a little drunk that he had a crush on her and he often called her by her last name, Montespan, to stop her from getting close. It was when they were strolling through Central Park a few weeks ago that their hands brushed and they were suddenly holding hands. Drake had let out a breath, as if he had been holding it in, and Camille realised that he had wanted to hold her hand the whole time. She felt weirdly happy about that.

She wondered what Drake would think of this restaurant. No, she knew. Beautiful view but pretentious food and ridiculously expensive. Plus he hated marble. He felt it was too cold. He preferred dive bars and small restaurants with hearty dishes. She didn’t even know if he knew how to pronounce Dom Perignon. 

She wished he was there with her right now.

Camille blinked at the realisation and dropped her fork.  ‘Camille? You okay?’ She nodded mutely. ‘Yeah. Yeah. Um, Liam... I have to go, I’m sorry. I’ve got to be in early to work tomorrow, I’m sorry, I just remembered my boss wants me to sort out his meetings for the rest of the year...’  She gathered up her coat and bag. Liam sighed. ‘No worries, Camille,’ he said gently. She couldn’t tell if he believed her or not. 

She managed to blag her way out of getting back into his car, as he was insisting on dropping her home, and when he was gone, she hailed a cab. She had been to Drake’s once before, very briefly, but she remembered his address. 

Drake had been planning to drink whiskey until he was black out drunk. He had had one glass so far, not feeling the effects but hey, the night was still young. He knew that Liam was taking Camille out tonight. Liam had been telling him about this new restaurant in the Upper East Side which to Drake, sounded expensive and pretentious. He had a feeling Camille would think the same. She wasn’t like the girls Liam dated - she actually enjoyed crappy dive bars. Drake had been drinking to get drunk because it would help take his mind off her. At least for a night. Then he would wake up tomorrow, hungover and still in love with her. But he couldn’t have her. 

His apartment buzzed and he frowned. He wasn’t expecting visitors. He pressed the speaker. ‘Hello?’ ‘Drake, it’s me, Camille.’ He froze. What was she doing here? How did she remember where he lived? ‘Um... come up?’ He buzzed her in and opened the door, watching the elevator flash as she got inside and it made its way up to his apartment. The doors opened and there she was. She was crying.  ‘Camille?’  She sniffed and rubbed her eyes, smearing her eyeliner. ‘Drake, I can’t keep dating him. It’s too hard.’ Drake beckoned her inside the apartment and gave her a hug. ‘Camille, it’s okay.’ She shook her head. ‘It’s not. It was so obvious tonight - I zoned out and started thinking about you and how I wished you were there instead and oh God, I made this ridiculous excuse about working early tomorrow. I feel so bad, but he bought the champagne and he got a table with the view, but it’s just not me! I’m not that kind of girl, I hate being wined and dined! I wanted to be with you.’ She choked and her eyes filled with fresh tears and Drake’s heart ached for her. He pulled her in close, holding her gently. He didn’t know what to do. 

‘Do you want some water? Or tea?’ he asked. He had heard that tea apparently solved everything. She looked up at him. ‘Do you have anything stronger?’ He pointed at the bottle of whiskey on the coffee table. ‘Be my guest.’

She poured a glass and leaned against the sideboard. ‘I’m sorry to burst in here. You were having a quiet night.’ ‘Don’t worry, Montespan,’ he said. ‘Are you alright?’ She was studying the floor, frowning. She looked up suddenly. ‘Drake, do you love me?’ His eyes widened. ‘Oh. Um. Well-’ ‘Because I love you.’ Drake stepped back, catching himself on the wall. He was not expecting that. At all. ‘Camille, are you drunk?’ She stared at him. ‘Are you fucking kidding me?’ He held up his hands. ‘Sorry, sorry! It’s just... that was unexpected.’ ‘So you don’t love me,’ she said quietly. Drake moved to her. ‘Camille, god, I’m going to regret saying this. I do. I love you.’ She looked up at him, her eyes full of hope. ‘You do?’ He nodded. His heart was breaking right now. ‘I love you. But I can’t be with you.’

Her breath caught and she looked at him, her chest rising and falling quickly. ‘Why?’ ‘Because you should be with Liam. He is the one for you. He can look after you. He can make you happy-’ ‘But you make me happy!’ ‘I meant long-term. He is worthy of you. I’m not. I won’t bring you down Camille, I refuse to. He won’t do that. You should be with him.’ He couldn’t believe he was trying to convince her not to be with him. After the months of sleepless nights, those private moments with her when he wanted to just kiss her, hold her, tell her he cared for her, he was telling her to be with his best friend instead. After all of that heartache. Drake felt like his heart was splitting.

‘How dare you, Drake?’ she started, her eyes wide. ‘How fucking DARE you? You have no right to tell me who to be with or how I can be happy. Do you realise you make me happy? You, Drake Walker? I thought that maybe we could start something, be together, see how it went, but you won’t even consider it!’

‘I can’t betray Liam,’ Drake explained. ‘he really likes you.’ ‘Liam will get over it,’ Camille spat. ‘He’s nice, attractive, rich. Girls will fall over themselves to be with him.’ ‘Camille, think. You don’t want to be with me. Trust me, I’m not boyfriend material.’ ‘Why are you trying so hard to convince me? Would you rather I hated you?’ ‘No, but please, try and understand-’ ‘I can’t understand. I don’t want to be with Liam. I want to be with you,’ she said, stepping closer, getting close to his face. Her eyes were filled with anger. ‘I love you. But you keep throwing it back in my face.’ ‘Camille-’ He reached out to pull her into him but she shoved him away, hard.  Tears were running down her face. ‘Stop it, Drake! You feel something for me but you keep trying to push me away, I hate how you always try to push me away!’ Drake reached out to hold her, pleading with her to listen. ‘Please, Camille, I’m sorry-’ ‘If you don’t feel the same, then you don’t get to touch me ever again,’ she said, her voice filled with venom. She slammed her whiskey glass on the sideboard. ‘Bye, Walker.’ She stormed out of the apartment, slamming the front door shut behind her. 

Drake stumbled back onto the sofa, his head in his hands. He willed the hot tears that were forming behind his eyes to dissolve but they didn’t - they fell down his cheeks. He felt hollow. What had he done? Why had he thrown away the best thing that ever happened to him? 

He drank some more but her face wouldn’t fade. He didn’t even fell drunk. He just felt sad. He looked at the clock. 10.30pm. He couldn’t face the rest of the night with them not speaking. He couldn’t lose her. He couldn’t. He loved her. With new resolve, he grabbed his keys and left the apartment, not caring that it was pouring rain outside. He was going to fix this.