#i dont like it at all since its just my body
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i have multiple and im going to mention all of them but im starting with THIS FUCKER HERE (blade from honkai star rail) AND I HAVE A VERY STUPID REASON FOR IT
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there was an minigame thing with a character named march 7th (dont ask) and there were little events you could encounter throughout it and one of them was that you had to choose between a red and blue pill (or the third option of giving a nonanswer) and since my choice didnt matter at all i went with the red pill because i know that the matrix is a transfem allegory and i also hc march as transfem but then another character made a little comment that blade would ALSO pick the red pill which completely makes sense for his character but since i was still on the transfem allegory mindset i had the thought of "wait does this make blade transfem??" so shes transfem to me now 👍
estrogen would NOT save her. not even REMOTELY. he's a suicidal immortal who physically cannot die because of a ritual his old friend-with-romantic-implications tried who he now wants dead more than anything else. hes basically possessed by evil plants that revive him every time he dies and he goes fucking feral. hes a mass murderer with a bounty of over 8 billion. nothing can save him. but transitioning might make her miserable life slightly more manageable? plus i mean.. throwing your old name away and being a new person? obviously a metaphor for being trans /j
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boothill! this is slightly for shipping reasons (turning a het ship wlw for funzies) but mostly projecting my gender-nonconforming transness onto the only southern disabled character i know of. are we different kinds of southern? yes. are we different kinds of disabled? also yes. do i care? absolutely not. (also because butch southern women make the world go round)
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also sampo because the idea that this fuck is a cisgender ANYTHING is laughable. this is a nonbinary transfem boymoding for shits and giggles who randomly switches to the girl voice when talking to someone JUST to fuck with them because nobody else would believe them and the person would think theyre losing it. typical masked fool stuff. gaslight gatekeep girlboss.
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and then from genshin impact: zhongli. who has CANONICALLY used shapeshifting to become a woman. and has likely done so on more than one occasion. this guy is CANONICALLY GENDERFLUID WHETHER PEOPLE LIKE IT OR NOT. and you can obviously be genderfluid and transfem at the same time so why the hell not :D
most other characters i hc as transfem i dont have much of a reason for, but im gonna list them anyways cause hell yeah
argenti (hsr) - she can have a little estrogen as a treat
dr. ratio (hsr) - no reason i just think it could work
sunday (hsr) - something something religious-trauma-and-giving-into-what-you-once-believed-to-be-sinful
diluc (genshin) - fanfiction on ao3 changed my brain chemistry
kazuha (genshin) - also no reason i just think it fits
sebastian solace (a game on roblox called pressure) - im gonna be honest with you op, i just like putting this fucker in situations. and i would love to see the struggle of medically transitioning when you've been forcibly had your body and dna altered to the point of no longer being human. even ignoring for a few seconds the thought that maybe hrt wouldnt have the same effect (or any effect at all) due to the experiments, how could you will yourself to alter yourself medically in any way after the horrific trauma you've experienced? its between fucking with your already fucked up body or having the dysphoria kill you from the inside out. i am rotating her in my mind even harder now.
p.ai.nter (from same game) on the other hand? a lot simpler. make the ai with guns a girl. also just a funny idea: you know that "put eyelashes on it to make it obvious that its a girl" thing? yeah. painter doing that.
^ TELL ME SHE WOULDNT.
i would apologize for the essay but you did say i was legally required to share so this is your fault /lh
anyways i hope you enjoyed the women
If you see this post you’re legally required to tell me at least one trans woman headcanons you have for a canonically male character, I never get to see transfem headcanons like that, give me them, and for equality of my own please know estrogen could have saved Insector Haga and Dinosaur Ryuzaki I will not elaborate, also Yuya.
#i foind fishe :))))))#<- my sebastian solace tag because not everyone wants to see 50 fanart posts of this guy on their dash in the span of 5 minutes#long post#id in alt text
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In your ‘how to draw tf’ what do you search (if you do) to find references for the blaster poses? I love how much character they seem to show
(i assume this is what you were referring to :) )
this response is so atrociously late i dont have any excuse ._.
but to answer the question,, the two poses on the right side were the same as the one on the left, just with a slight bump to show different attitudes :O
in my drawing up there, i felt copying my real figure of blaster exactly made him look a bit stiff, esp considering his personality, so i shifted the original pose slightly to convey some stronger emotions that felt more in line with my idea of blaster :) more sass + cocky attitude, if i had to describe it, giving him more weight on one leg, leaning one way or another to show confidence or hostility or whatever
as for deciding how to bump a pose, all i can rlly suggest for that is to study body language, and pay attention to how different people will act when conveying different emotions! personally i like looking at theatre performance for this, since the exaggeration is something that translates well into art, and u could definitely study from animation as well !! disney classics are classics for a reason fjdhf
since im a transformers blog here tho, i'd place tf one, tfp and earthspark s1 as some great refs for character acting >:))
tf one being feature animation has the fullest range of motion + performance, plus its main cast w pretty different personalities all experience a huge range of emotions + situations over the course of the film and its just beautiful and who wouldnt want to study it frame by frame :DD tfp and earthspark s1 are also fantastic for seeing how to handle posing/acting in a wide range of situations, and theres plenty of screentime to work from ;)
going to stop here before i get too rambly but i hope this was at least a bit helpful? i'm rlly sorry again about leaving this in my inbox for ages :,,))
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Doey headcanons bc my son is crying
Doey cries offscreen and when he does, his tears are either red, yellow or orange based on what hes feeling: angry + crying = kevin (red), sad + crying = jack (yellow), emptiness or burnout or regrets + crying = matthew (orange) he usually cries during the first months after the hour of joy
Kevin—the kid/humanoid with the angry eyes in Doey's monster form—glows the brightest among the three cuz he's consumed by anger (ik it doesnt exist in his model but imagine💔)
Altho its already shown thru a tape, Doey often does self-therapy and self-talking to comfort himself whenever he's distressed. Since he's the role model of the safe haven (after poppy was captured), he was always expected to remain calm in most situations. And he does it so well that almost no one can sense whether he's stressed or not. He may also not talk much about his feelings cuz he doesnt want to cause any more distress among the already distressed toys.
Blud is ALWAYS confused at what he should feel or think but he just hides it well in the game. And before being promoted as the leader, he mightve always answered "i dont know" to most questions he has no knowledge to answer to or whenever he's in a new situation. Jack is panicking badly but Matthew also tries to calm him down and take reign of Doey. Until anger reaches his head for Kevin to move,,,,, He's just as distressed as the other toys, he was just used to it
He hugs himself cuz he has no one to hug 😭😭😭 he's often outside, searching for scraps of food
He prolly hates himself too, adding his confusion with himself
I kin him sm
His hat is made if metal /j
He's eating other toys, his remorse or mercy for them is gone (idk if he felth what riley felt durinv his first days)
One of the kids hate cold weather
Depending on what he feels (goofy/sad, angry, calm), the one or two hand colors on his body would be more saturated than the other
He likes to play pretend kitchen and tea time with some toys whenever they have freetime. He also lets the toys use his clay to create and mold things
He sometimes says "mommy", "daddy" and "home" out loud without realizing it and the toys would just stare at him flabbergasted
He likes to be the leader but he also doesnt like it
He has so much pent up fustration and rage
He's like the "forced to be a parent" child
When kevin is inactive, he would sometimes playfully call some workers as "mom" or "dad" to mess with them and get some good laughs (he thinks jumpscares are funny) He def did mess with their hearts
Doey and kissy are the best characters so far, too bad we had to kill doey😔
Also, ngl the sounds of vehicles that i hear outside reminds me of Pianosaurus' sounds😭 rlly disappointed that we didnt get to see much of this bud🕯️
Also i have a lil bit of observation for the experiments nos. Those with 1100 to 1199 seem to have no ability to talk while those above 1200 have it so. Meaning their experiments were getting more advanced and painful😭😭 (1006 aint counter cuz he has some kind of robotic voice box mimicker)
-a thought not fully well-thought cuz i need to sleep
Thats all for my ted talk, thank you🍫
#poppy playtime chapter 4#poppy playtime#doey the doughman#pianosaurus#kissy missy#headcanons#siren screams
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27 Asks! Thank you! :}} 💞
@peaspods
I might not be understanding, but I'm imagining this as people opening up commissions so people can give them money and they can turn around and donate that money to me..
I fear that this would create the opportunity to scam people.. "I'm taking commissions on behalf of Factual Fantasy! They're very sick so please commission me!" only for them to run away with the money they make..
I've been thinking a lot about setting up some kind of commission/donation thing because I'm starting to kind'a need the money.. but idk, I'm just kind'a run down and need some time to keep thinking about it. Thank you very much though <:)))
@zecromgen5
Thank you very much! :) And I've been hanging in there.. there hasn't been much improvement to my health or my mental state. The fact that in April it will officially been over a year since my health started to decline, and the fact that I'm going to spend my birthday at home collapsed on the couch has made me feel very sad <:( But I'm doing my best to work on it.. I'm hoping this new advice from my doctor helps me feel better <:)
And something good HAS happened actually, I got my tablet/FireAlpaca to work again! :))
XDD SJKFJSH AWW! THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :DDD
I've only seen a bit of it from Markiplier. So far I'm 50/50. Somethings I like and others I don't care for 😅
@neo-metalscottic
Thank you so much! :D 'm glad you've liked my recent artwork!! :}}}}
Also for Homes eyes, that was just meant to represent its oppressive presence and the fact that its watching them in that moment.. 👁️👁️
And I don't have any plans for any of the neighbors or Wally to figure out the house is alive. My AU is more like "a day in the life of" thing. Having someone discover Home is alive would move the plot forward. Which I don't feel like doing <XDD
Now communication... Home understands the concept, but he has no way of communicating other than creaking the floorboards and slamming doors..
I've heard about the well. That could work for Cliffjumper and Breakdown maybe.. and the twins perhaps.? But wouldn't they have to have Tailgates body in order to revive him? Hmmm.. idk actually,,
I've watched the bayverse movies, most of Prime and a few other things here and there. I didn't mind the bayverse movies that much, but I can see why a lot of people don't like them <XD
I just imaging trying to consume more than one Transformers media would be a lot to take on.. and I also don't like the animation styles of most other transformers shows 😅
(That's actually how I decided to watch Prime. I took a look at all the shows and went "this one looks ugly, this one looks ugly,, this one looks REALLY ugly.. Oh, this one doesn't look half bad. TFP it is then!")
@acreaturecalledkyfa
I've watched Markipliers first video on it. So far I'm not sure how I feel about those two 😅
The way I immediately opened YouTube and went looking for it XDD
@fandomcenteral (Link in ask)
Thank you so much! :DD This will come in handy!
@mason-gaylord
Aw! Thank you so much!! 🥰🥰
@im-nice-but-i-dont-like-you
Jangles would be a helicopter probably, Gerald would be a tank, Cici would be a Miata and Bibi would be a slightly raised up Miata XDD
Aw, I'm honored that you miss them <:}} Though I don't know if I'll draw them anytime soon.. I'm really not into inserted OCs anymore <:(
I'm waiting on Markiplier to release more videos on it <XD
@fadlingartisanfreakwinner
I like to imagine that Pokémon can learn dozens of moves. But 4 is the limit for official Pokémon battles. So any wild Pokémon in my comics can use/learn as many as they want :0
And yeah, they had that chat eventually. I just never got around to drawing it 😅
@wolfie-777
Nah nah its just iced tea XDDD
@whereismycupofcoffee
:DDD Thank you so much!! :}}}}
AAAA THANKYOU SO MCUHH!! :DDDD
@nuggybee
Yeahh,, Sky has its ups and downs. I'm currently in one of its downs. It seems like I'm let down by everything they're releasing 😓
@smithanonsworld
I feel like I've never seen a rabbit that color... its so cute 😭💞💞💞
@heaventhehedgi3
That sounds like me! Though I don't draw Octonauts anymore 😅
I'll keep it in mind! :0
🥹🥹🥹Aw... that's so sweet! Thank you so much!! 😭💞💞
@captain-skyler1987
You made an account just to follow me? :DD Aw that's so sweet! :) Thank you!
Also I'm sorry to hear you got the flu :(( I hope you're better by now!
I also have not played Dandy's world 😅
@stargirldrawsx3
The first thing that came to mind was very anxious all the time 😅
@network-warrior-01
Ah, that was an April fools post. <XD There is no drawing
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i lose a tiny bit of my soul everytime i have to tw my own body
#like im talking LONG HEALED scars here. like long since healed#like. unfortunately i look like that#idk i guess i just hate it#i dont like it at all since its just my body#also i feel like it makes it more 'abnormal' seeming. when actually lots of people have self harmed#tw self harm#<- since the discussion is abt it#like i guess i kind of understand the discomfort but the thing is that people will look different and have scars. thats a part of life.#people get hurt and people heal. thats a big part of life.#idk. rant i guess.#probably unpopular opinion i dont fucking care. im just saying what i think.
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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
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On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?
*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)
*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)
(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )
(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)
#polls#tumblr polls#I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup#the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli#section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff#so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just#blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most#neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol#I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me#but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T#I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee#person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times#But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol#And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly#When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one#sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it#Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something#Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and#coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single#coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to#have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus#make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as#possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get#to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol
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erm can we see more deer dale he's so silly
Deer Dale!!! Now with full antler face like I initially intended but could not figure out how to draw at the time
#you get a healthy mix of silly and horrific body horror with this one#fop#fop nature au#fop a new wish#dale dimmadome#dev dimmadome#fop dale#fop dev#body horror#art#digital art#fanart#wanted to do some mini frames of deer dale sort of like deliriously nuzzling dev#but since hes ya know covered in antlers Dev is just sitting there terrified that if he makes one wrong move hes gonna get skewered or wors#(that wouldnt happen often btw he'd be mostly too scared and erratic for that but i thought it would be a nice one off visual)#its kinda an apt summary of their relationship tho i think#even if hes not malicious. even when hes trying to be as gentle as he knows how hes still hurting dev or almost hurting dev#I think about the ep where Dale mentions his time in the lemon factory implying that hes trauma dumped to dev about it before#like my man. your son is not who you should be loading that information on to. get a therapist.#all this to say that i do think deer dale tries to avoid hurting dev and even tries to be comforted by him but like..#you are like a 400 pound animal blindly stumbling around covered in spikes#you cant tell your own CHILD you dont love them and then expect them to take on the burden of comforting you#again hes not fully there when hes a deer but this is all very metaphorical or whatever
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That fae OC of mine who is void of color (black hair/black eyes) and is looked upon as a blemish by the older fae and decides to go all out and wear only black clothing with a sharpness who actually has a good friend group who loves their little black hole. They love him so much. He's just their special little void.
#my characters#he actually has so much anxiety bottled up in his tiny little body ! its totally fine ! hes fine!#but he really is concerned that if hes ever not fun enough for his friends they will think less of him#so he tries to appear as carefree as possible WHILE wearing the edgiest and darkest clothing of all fae#cause most fae are bright and wear rounded clothing (i cant describe it well verbally sorry)#theres just a round softness to their appearances but also v bright coloring to really pop#and lil voidal fae is like :c i dont have that :c :c time to just :c pretend im happy and commit to the bit of Void#hey ive only drawn him like thrice times before (well three posts ! one post had multiple doodles on a canvas)#so chances are youve never met him ! but#i needed a bright little anxious bean today since thats my mood and unfortunately#while i love my son right he is NOT the bright little anxious bean i needed to draw#hes definitely a little anxious bean but unless i go with his dnd au outfit hes not bright#and you might be thinking to yourself well your void is all black how is that bright#and its the vibes you guys 100% the vibes
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"I don't feel in control sometimes. After all... I have someone else's thoughts in my head."
more edits || character page || x.x
Tag list (ask to be added or removed): @carrionsflower @statichvm @risingsh0t @simonxriley @tommyarashikage @sevikagf @confidentandgood @unholymilf @florbelles @thedeadthree @shellibisshe @roofgeese @aezyrraeshh @faerune @tekehu @jackiesarch @minaharkers @sergeiravenov @carlosoliveiraa @rosenfey @nokstella @queennymeria @heroofpenamstan @tethrras @viktorgf @d-esmond @solasan @bigbywlf @delzinrowe @fenharel @imogenkol
#oc stats*#oc: jody morse#my edits#my ocs#mcu oc#marvel oc#spiderman oc#marvel#spiderman#a belated edit for this bby!#do NOT read her bio its v outdated#ive developed her sm since writing that#shes completely different now#and her abilities are based on a chip implant to fix her 'clumsiness'#but someone hacked the chip and now makes her do bad things#like rob banks and steal $3million...#she wanted to fix her stability yet ended up being able to control her body on a molecular level#so day to day shes her normal coy self#but shes suddenly more confident and outgoing#so he mates see the change#but think shes just coming out of her shell#they dont know shes a criminals puppet/a criminal herself#i mean she does end up liking doing it all#but she knows it wrong#she uses the money to support her family#they just think shes doing well with work#little do they know tehe#anywayyyyy theres only 1 more oc to get an edit like this!#but thatll be posted in jan#i hope you like it!!
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Homunculus
#codacheetah#my art#pokemon#pkmn#vulpix#fennekin#ok so#idk preface i'm not a modern pokemon design hater this is not hater art#but i do think. the style shift progression of pokemon has been fascinating to watch.#a lot of early pokemon particularly the first mmmmm two generations were relatively sensible proportionally#a lot of pokemon that feel like animals but to the left.#and as time has worn on pokemon i think have kind of shifted away from 'balanced' design towards 'cartoon' design#like fennekin. ridiculously huge head with big huge eyes and dramatic fur tufts and tiny little neck and body#compare to vulpix which is also a ridiculous chibi animal mind you. but its proportions are more grounded in reality#head that's only Mildly too big for its body and smaller eyes and visible paws (vs. fennekin's stumps)#i've always felt like fennekin and vulpix is like the kind of microcosm of pokemon designs shifting to be sleeker and more exagerrated#where it's so apparent since they have the same basic design idea#hell you can kind of see it with alolan vulpix. slimmer neck smaller body bigger eyes#this post is kind of meaningless i've just been thinking abt it lately#pokemon no longer has a consistent artstyle. there are many galarian and paldean pokemon that i dont think ever would have made it in rby#and many early gen pokemon look visibly different to the new because they are more simplistic and understated#this is not a bad thing it is just a Thing. it's the natural growth of a franchise where they have to reach further with ideas and designs#with each generation. because there's 1000 of these fuckers. we are long past Basic Fox and Basic Bird and Basic Bug#every pokemon has to be uniquely charismatic and recognizable when they have so much competition#anyways all this to say i think vulpix and fennekin look ridiculous standing next to each other but in a vacuum? both designs are nice
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the expendable shitpost power hour 💪🔥🔥🔥🔥 ft. post-loop doodle for whimsy and joy that MAY be spoilers depending on how close you look. so dont squint at it too hard
textpost refs below cut
#keep it burning (a&a&a)#reallilystuffart#roblox pressure#i forgot to edit the im pissing him off textpost image to say them instead. whoops. im too tired sorryyyy#i drew all of these instead of writing someone come bonk me on the head with a mallet#actually dont im supposed to be taking a break from writing i forgot#i've been in a huge art block drought and my desire to draw just hit like a high speed truck so expect more#got 2 more drawings queued up after this one its not over. now i gotta deal with writers block this suckssss 😭#i need to draw painter as a laptop since thats the only post-loop body i definitively have planned#the idea of him somehow running WORSE on a chromebook than an 80s computer is REALLY funny to me even if the hardware is different
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stop a/starion has a BRAND NEW SIM AVAILABLE ON MODTHESIMS FOR THE SI/MS 2
#for those unaware E/A decided that we suffered enough and let us buy reformatted editions of og si/ms and si/ms 2#which for bitches like me who STILL prefers ts2's gameplay over t/s3 and 4's gameplay (but likes a lot of the other#parts of those two more like the added diversity and everything which t/s2 does lack bc it was last updated in 2008)#in t/s2 it was still clearly a passion project whereas in t/s3 like halfway through the packs you could tell they stopped caring#t/s3 still had the storyline element tho that t/s4 just doesnt#but t/s2's lore is so!!!#the s/ims r/esource has once again proven itself a disappointment bc ppl last made content in like 2013 which is like still good for a game#again last updated in 2008 but yknow#and then made impossible to play so E/A released the whole collection for free after breaking the original buy and now even that doesnt wor#i had to reprogram the entire game last time i tried playing it which is why the price of the not even really a remaster#all they did was update the gameplay so it works on modern pcs (mostly)#which is worth it to me bc im not a great programmer and do not have the time to reprogram a game for three days to play it#and it was my favorite it honestly still is my favorite thing in the world is#playing v/eronaville and ruining shakespeare by making r/omeo and t/ybalt enemies to l/overs and having j/uliet take revenge w m/ercutio#only to get w p/uck its a whole thing but anyways im im so happy at least the m/od the s/ims community never abandoned me#bc t/sr certainly tf did. tumbs seems to have quite a bit of cc too which is so!!!#when my harddrive w all my old gifs and stuff broke i also lost all the CC i made all my meshes and everything#and unfortunately they did not bring body shop back like i wanted i doubt they will so i do not know how to make meshes without it#making custom sims is gonna be a fucking bitch without it actually bc bodyshop is my favorite thing its way way better than ts4's maker#i ust im so happy. also annoyed by the lack of body shop but so happy. i know a lot of ppl are pissed they're charging for it but its worth#it to me. and people are making si/ms 2 machinima again which is also a favorite thing. most of the old ones do NOT hold up anymore#anyways how do i bully E/A into bringing back b/ody s/hop i'll even pay for it at this point make it work for all four games#or at least 2-4 like#i honestly dont play 3 much im a 2 girlie and have been w 4 off and on bc i love it but the lacking is so clear as#someone whos been there since the start yknow but#asidjiasdifbeiadpisadhasidhasipdaspodhifoeajcapsdjsa#out.
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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Having to micromanage your entire physical battery day in and day out is so exhausting, especially when your ability fluctuates without rhyme or reason with every single day. I'm starting to have to reframe how I view and tackle my task lists because otherwise the grief and frustration becomes so much that I get nothing done. I'd love to complete the entire list today, but I'm gonna have to limit myself to ticking off two tasks just so I don't burn myself out to the point of being unable to do anything later...
#and even then thats no guarantee since i could feel super sick later without warning#OR maybe i feel superdupergood and can do them all no problem and THEN some#but then i also have to prepare for being bedridden after if i dont keep track of how much energy i burn#the event horizon of which ALSO changes daily lmfao#meanwhile people assume youre lucky or even privileged for this#as if being homebound for your safetys sake and spending most of the time being unable to really do anything#is anything worth envying. people assume youre resting when frankly youre just keeping your face above the water#i dont have a choice either. i gave up all my dreams and ambitions just for the sake of trying to survive for once#i WANT to have a life i WANT to have the power to be independent and not be at the mercy of others until the day i die#god sorry URGH its so hard to not feel sad and hopeless and almost bitter about this sometimes#its so hard not to feel alienated and embarrassed by the fact that you practically live in a different reality to people#people whose lives revolve around careers and working to the point where they cant comprehend you as a disabled individual#and what that means beyond the assumption that being chronically ill and overall impaired is a choice and moral failire#whether or not people are aware of that baseline assumption concretely#and i feel stupid and annoying for whining about this when i have so much to be grateful for#just. guhhhhhhhhh idfk. i SHOULD get started here but i can barely move out of bed#exhaustion is killing me i miss going on daily walks my house feels like a prison#i need to stop moping im already spiralling lmfao#trying not to close my eyes lest i pass out yet again despite having gotten more than 12 hours of sleep#cause apparently to my stupid body thats not enough to even stand up#silvi talks
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been thinking about the liyue gang and how id draw their physical builds so here are some thoughts i had for xy cy and gm in particular
- xingqiu, unsurprisingly, would be quite lanky. i like to think he has broad-ish shoulders, like a thin athlete's build? hes a long boy to me haha, long face, neck, limbs, fingers etc, so naturally hes stands (comparatively) tall at 5'6" or 5'7"
i like to think hes most physically attractive one and has that handsome princely and boyish charm to him because it adds a lot to his fuckass duality LOL
- chongyun is a lot like xiao imo! short stature but with muscular arms. he seems nimble and flexible because of his normal attack animations (which bears a lot of similarities to xiao's actually! this + the fact that chongyun's normal attacks create gusts of wind further reinforces my hc that xiao trains him). sometimes i watch high energy choreography vids on youtube and some dancers look incredibly light on their feet, almost like their body is inherently bouncy? and i imagine chongyun to have that agility to him. chongyun has a delicate face and aura and i let that bleed into my hcs for his fighting style and physical capabilities hahaha. hes kind of like a cat who's deceptively strong. as for height.. just a few inches taller than xiao, so perceptibly short at 5'4"
- ga ming my new beloved. pretty much similar to chongyun but more muscular and stronger just because he wields his claymore with ease. theres a noticeable weight different between cy and his claymore the way he lugs it up after he swings (or even other claymore users like razor who, on his last hit, bounces from impact). meanwhile ga ming literally slams his to the ground LOL. i love his movements though hes very swift and expressive and radiant.. if cy has delicate movements then ga ming's is fierce and (charmingly!) assertive
ga ming is wonderfully charismatic though, i know hes not well known in liyue harbor yet, but he seems like the type to gain a reputation from his friendliness. how could no one adore him hahaha. 5'5" for height! just between xy and xq
#tangy talks genshin#chongyun gets analyzed most my bad#this was super fun though#while thoughtful ; genshin chara designs will always look distinctly gacha and flashy so a lot of the designs kinda blur together in my hea#this is why i really like looking into their animations particuarly their normal attacks#i think it conveys their personalities really well! it's always something to look forward to when new characters release#i gravitate towards swords polearms and claymores most though because i like the act of swinging and slashing hah. it also requires a lot o#body movement and reflects a lot of irl martial arts fencing and other combat techniques#sword users are always really fun to watch because theyre inherently graceful hahah. i will admit it gets kinda repetitive#i think my favorite NA animation has to be albedo's.. very simple clean and refined. he stands elegantly and puts his arm behind his back o#his 2nd attack which ive been transfixed by since be first came out in 2020 LOL. i love albebo#wow these tags are long as hell#but anyway i actually have more thoughts on xq's physical appearance but its just me rambling about how i think hes funny as fuck#im a proponent of dashingly pretty princely xingqiu not necessarily because i want to bestow upon him desirable traits#but because i think its funny knowing hes just a bit of a loser under all that#hes well known (mr worldwide one might say) and the heir to a prestigious guild and chivalrous talented and prolific#but he writes self insert novels hates carrots had bad handwriting sings really bad#hes just a teenage boy#as always i will 100% have more to say about chongyun but ill save that for another post#ga ming on the other hand.. i dont have anything substantial to say but hes super fun to think about#hes such a likable character#wow these tags are LONG as fuck ill stop now.
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