#i dont like how i am around them and who ive become because of them

[oliviadrawsbts]

Feel so out of sorts. Hate going to see my family. Feels like I go back to square one all the time with them. How to ignore these feelings, this torment and anguish??? I'm so tired. I am so happy away from them.

[rolandkaros]

by farrrr my most toxic trait is that the more popular something is the more i start to hate it even if i used to like it

[weirdmageddon]

the shift in lore literacy in homestuck’s fandom

i was thinking about how the people who got into homestuck after it ended—whose interactions with the comic are in a static, archived state, not an ongoing thing—missed out on information that was more common knowledge in the fandom at that time. i don’t know if this is true since i’m not on tiktok, but i wouldn’t be surprised if it was. the fandom certainly isn’t the same as it was before.

ive found that many people reading homestuck now simply do not understand things in homestuck that were common knowledge back in the day, with calls for “homestuck literacy classes to become mandatory” in response to baffling takes because so many people just now seem to have glazed over the comic without absorbing important plot points, and i think i know why this may be. i ended up writing a post reflecting on my time with the comic, my perspective and how ive seen this change. i still think and write about homestuck because it still fascinates me. earlier i quote retweeted that call in my thread talking about the temporal relativity of dave and rose’s god tier ascension in the green sun, saying “my homestuck literacy is 100% so guess im doing my part as a teacher by pointing out whatever i think is really cool about it”. this post im writing now started out as a reply to this tweet i got in response.

i joined the fandom in 2013. i was 11. i had been aware of it since at least late 2011, early 2012 when my friend ryan in fifth grade told me to read it but i couldn’t get past the first few pages. i remember writing a journal on deviantart around this time (late 2011-early 2012) that was mocking people who typed like gamzee, which ironically was very karkat of me. and i remember someone on flipnote hatena i was following was making flipnotes with the alpha kids.

i dont know what caused me to flip the switch into reading it but 2013. i got into it somewhere between april (i think closer to april—i remember it being quite a span of time between the last update before HOMOSUCK dropped.) this was the most recent page the comic, meaning there was no > [S] ACT 6 ACT 6 at the bottom.

i got into it during a pause in updates, which looking into it, was the year 4 megapause. i wasn’t sure of the month until seeing the news post detailing the reason for the hiatus and the status report of the comic’s development at that time. pretty cool i could narrow it down by referencing the dates of those updates and the news post to correspond with the pause!

according to readmspa, the year 4 megapause was a 59 day hiatus from Apr 14, 2013 ==> (EOA6A5) running to 12 Jun 2013, [S] ACT 6 ACT 6. then for a few months there were the first updates that i was apart of the fandom for.

and what an exciting time during the story get into the webcomic! when the updates resumed in june, part 4 of homestuck had begun. here was a glimpse of the updates in that span of time before the next hiatus began in october.

that hiatus was none other than the gigapause, the longest hiatus in the comic, which started october 2013 and lasted for a YEAR, and i already posted about what happened on the date of return.

but here were the main events happening in the story at the time i first actually got interested in it. i wasn’t aware of the full context of them then like i am now, but i was looking at the most recent updates anyway with interest:

the alpha kids just emerged as god tiers from their slabs in derse and prospit, blown up by the condesce and caliborn / lil cal-possessed b2 jack noir.

the journey to the new session started 24 hours after jack called an early reckoning in descend—for context that was about when dave entered around midnight central time and before jade even entered. it’s pretty easy to forget that side 1 of homestuck basically happens within the span of a single day—and at this point in the story, the 3 year journey (which was also 3 real life years) had just ended. john and jade emerged from the other side of the yellow yard through the fenestrated plane on LOMAX. john’s real body was asleep upon arrival in the new session, while his dreaming projection out in the dream bubbles came across vriska’s ghost ship to learn lord english lore with vriska and aranea, and go on the treasure hunt where they found the ultimate weapon at the X mark out in in the furthest ring. in the dream john stuck his hand in the juju, started warping all over canon which removed his real body from the ship on LOMAX. he zapped around for a while but eventually zapped back to LOMAX, now awake, completely out of the loop of what everyone else is up to, and bored as fuck. what was everyone else getting up to while john was asleep?

jade was now once again within the domain of the green sun. im pretty sure her space god doggy essence comes with the power to sense what was anywhere within the domain of the session since her face looks like she arrived at that spot with intent (and she literally has jack noir’s exact powers from bec’s prototyping. also this panel). she immediately dispatched b2 jack to the edge of the incinisphere, defending the newly god-tiered jane and jake. i think even if they weren’t in any danger, she would have warped to them instantly anyway because she COULD now, and i can imagine she wouldve been sooooo eager to meet everyone. even davesprite comments about her rapid departure.

the pre-scratch refugees arrived during the only time serious shit ever went down in the nobles’ months-long inert void session. the condesce used her freak psychic bronze-cerulean powers to commune with jade’s bestial side and mind controlled her, which is super dangerous as someone with the powers of a first guardian. she then used jade’s powers to corrupt jane with the tiaratop. no funtime meetup allowed!

the trolls’ meteor with rose, dave, and the remaining trolls was pulling up into the new session with no way to slow it down. grimbark jade warped there once it was in the incinisphere and took active control. she warped everyone off the trolls’ meteor and sent them to LOMAX.

as john was losing his mind on LOMAX waiting for everyone, the meteor crew warped in. after 3 years he finally reunited with rose and dave, and at least saw the trolls in person. close curtains, end of A6A5. this was the newest [S] flash page at the time, one of my first impressions of this comic, and still one of my favorite flashes. knowing the context of the flash in the story only enhances the retrospective joy i have at getting into the comic at the time i did because it’s such an anticipated moment in the story for everyone, while for someone with no context of the story it was still enjoyable.

so that’s what was going on plotwise when i joined the fandom.

from this time, through those few months of updates and through the gigapause, i was familarizing myself with the characters in the story and overseeing the state of fanbase, getting myself acquainted with the story and wrapping my head around everything.

at that time i found that a new-ish group called colab HQ who were producing a let’s read homestuck series on youtube. hearing the voices and the pacing of it like that really, really eased me into it (maybe it was my adhd that gave me trouble actually starting it?). i caught up to a certain point using lets read homestuck and from that point was able to continue with the comic on my own, and by the time the gigapause came to a close i was fully caught up. i remember the rebranding of colab hq into voxus about a year and a half after i discovered them.

but.. back to the main point of my post. even these posts from hussie’s tumblr exist in archived states. how many new fans know about hussie’s old tumblr? i don’t know, unless theyre a new fan that must scour the internet for more deep more dives on homestuck and its fandom as a whole. but since hussie deleted his tumblr (it exists archived now on homestuck.net which, alongside from the unofficial homestuck collection, has nearly singlehandedly kept the most important relics of the fandom and lore archived), that page is not an active part of the fandom now, because it’s gone. it’s a pile of bones. it’s not living and breathing. it’s in an archived state. the whole thing is already there. homestuck and its fandom history is something you now binge instead of slowly consume and meld with as it comes out. it’s now this rapid information intake that you might forget about if you read it now instead of engaged alongside it. you’re not surrounded by people actively talking and theorizing about developments anymore. the ability to have those sorts of conversations during the ongoing development of the story reinforced concepts, ideas, and lore over and over as we tried to make sense of it.

being in a fandom when the author is still delivering the story is like nothing else. it allows you grow alongside the characters and engage meaningfully with the media and people in the fandom space around you. it feels like you’re participating IN the media itself, especially if you’re interfacing with the creator. it’s in always having something to theorize or talk about and speculate. and people become very aware of these sorts of forgotten story facts because they were applying the logic of the newest official post from hussie into making their sburb ocs or something and share resources and discussion posts about “what just happened in this update?? recap????” it was this cultural osmosis thing. i think this is why homestuck literacy is now at an all time low, at least from what i can see on twitter.

reading homestuck then vs now is like the difference between serialized shows with spaces between episodes to discuss stuff and time to reflect and learn and become attached to the story, narrative, worldbuilding and its characters, vs the netflix model where it’s all dropped all at once and people forget about it after binging.

at this point in time im getting the sense that “homestuck elders” now are no longer just people who were there since 2009-2010, but now also people who were there while it was still updating, probably stretching into 2014-2015. there are many sources of lore that were common knowledge in the fandom at the time that, since becoming susceptible to the deletion of content and link rot, and with the thanosing of mspaforums, are no longer accessible at the source. and a lot of people moved on after it ended, especially following the epilogues, the kate drama, and the whatpumpkin-sarah z drama, leaving a void of information behind if not for archivists and people such as me who continue to keep old facts relevant in discussions. my friend has called me a fandom scholar before and seeing this post i think i get what they mean.

EDIT: there is a series of video essays ive watched multiple times (because theyre that good) and they are exactly what modern fans need to see more of. they really help contextualize the comic and the themes present in it help you appreciate the basic fabric of homestuck a hell of a lot more. i highly recommend them and encourage any fan of homestuck to watch them, or someone considering getting into homestuck to watch the first one.

i think this is arguably as close to the “mandatory literacy class for homestuck” that person was talking about as you can get, especially the first video.

additionally, there is also the website https://rafe.name/homestuck which is essentially a sparknotes for homestuck and can help you follow developments in the comic itself.

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

i have left

hey everyone this will probably be the last thing i post on this blog albeit im keeping it up for resources.

im eternally grateful for how this community has helped me through prostitution and everything, i have amazing mutuals and i have learned so much 💜

but it has become toxic. many of yall cant handle disagreement and default to being as condescending and obnoxious as possible. one of us calling out a post is not enough, we have to dog pile everyone with a slightly shitty opinion. some of yall have severely lost the plot if you ever had it in the first place. not everything is that serious, especially when it comes to online drama.

im sick of it. so many engage in the same bullshit we accuse online trans activists of. this is an echo chamber. so many just mindlessly parrot slogans and arguments. what im very sick of is seeing single tweets or posts by a nobody, usually anonymous, being spread as receipts and shit. you know how annoying it is when everything a self proclaimed terf somewhere on social media says is taken by trans activists at face value and representative of the community when theyre not even radical feminist, just transphobic? yeah. yet a lot of yall do the same by saving and sharing „receipts“ where some random person who claims theyre trans (or not even) says some fucked up or out of pocket shit. you will always find people like that online, from any politicial „camp“ or ideological alignment!

a lot of yall seem to think that debate is about winning and not like, having an exchange of arguments and let the audience come to their own conclusion

and i just dont hate trans people. in fact i feel kinship to any female or homosexual trans person, anyone except heterosexual males. many of yall dont even realise how male centered you are when you more or less equal the trans community to heterosexual men who have a fetish for humiliation and forced feminisation or whatever. who exist and are an issue and i do wish the trans community at large would distance themselves from those men, but its not all there is to it. yes i agree that we need to protect vulnerable young people, girls and especially lesbians and gay boys, from being pushed into transitioning, i think the age of consent should be put at 21 or something, but we have to acknowledge and consider that there are people who have already transitioned and will transition in the future and i just dont understand how you cant have any empathy for them. no matter what you think about transition, many trans people ARE vulnerable and marginalised. plus consider how many detransitioned women are in this community yet yall talk about trans people as mutilated and shit its gross. in the end we can only try to establish structures that keep people from self harming, but an adult of sound mind has the right to do so anyways, including plastic surgery and trans surgeries. and i want to keep my arms open to them; but a lot of rhetoric around it spread on here will only alienate them further.

right now im saving all my essays in notes so its out of my mind. i have missed the community a lot so maybe i will return at some point but i have also been feeling better since i stopped being on radblr. i miss the rare valuable input and thoughts by other women but overall i have felt unaligned with how things have been handled on here. it has been mostly negative instead of constructive and pragmatic. ive had the impression some of yall enjoy the „being in the in-group“ community aspect more than actually being here for feminist exchange. lack of nuance, lack of empathy, lack of reason. it pains me but i have more and more come to understand why people just block us without engaging on general suspicion because ive also come to be annoyed with some of yall engaging with posts - and im on „your side“.

anyways im doing okay, im going to drug counselling regularly now and am trying to establish a stable life for those of you who inquired, and i hope anyone reading this is self reflected enough to know whether this applies to her or not. bye

[landmineconfessional]

I'm really sorry if this is long or doesn't make a lot of sense but I just have some thoughts about the community that I have gotten hate for previously and I just need to vent. You don't have to post this if you don't want to, and anyone who wants to read or not is okay. Don't take anything too seriously or personally please I'm not talking about anyone in particular.

I'm older I'm 28 so I know I don't fit in very well, but I grew up on tumblr and I have found myself becoming more and more disillusioned with this community lately to the point where I'm not sure why I'm still here. I think I'm just sticking around out of concern at this point. Its hard. There are very solid and good arguments for having a space where you can talk about your unhealthy coping mechanisms or lifestyle and not be judged. It's almost like a form of therapy, and especially if people can give you advice on how to stay safer while doing these things it can be really helpful. At the same time though I've noticed that a lot of this seems quite performative in this community. Much so as in the early 2000s on this website with the proana community romanticizing specifically anorexia to the point that people would very commonly post prayers to Ana. It became almost like a religion or cult within itself. I don't think it's at that point yet and I know thats a bit of an extreme metaphor but I do think that a lot of the eds and sh and alcoholism is almost becoming competitive on here. Ive seen people answer asks about how to cut deeper or things of that nature which is alarming to me. Im really torn. I want people to have a space, but I also have the foresight as an adult to know that this space is hurting them mentally because I'm older. People think I'm an asshole when I say that the teenagers on jiraiblr will grow up and realize that the community really fucked them up but I fully and truly believe that. A lot of older people who were on things like myproana or sh forums grew up and realized those forums made things worse for us and made it harder for us to recover and told us repeatedly its okay to never recover you dont have to recover. But this idea that its okay not to ever recover came back to bite us. Im torn. I think that it is kind of shitty to force people to recover and I think its shitty to say people can't do anything but post recovery content, but on the other hand once we reached the ages of around 23-27 on the ED forum... I watched a lot of my friends cling to their mental illnesses and it killed them. I watched the friends I had been counting calories with have heart complications and experience heart attacks at the age of 24. I watched the friends I had been sharing bodychecks with reach a point in their life where they could not do anything. They desperately wanted to be able to get a job and live their life and do what they wanted but their illnesses had become so bad that they could not do these things, some of them were hospitalized repeatedly, some of them had to live with their parents into their 30s, some of them desperately wanted to recover and had reached a point where they just couldn't and they withered away. I had a friend that I was talking to one night they were self harming and they told me that they were, and I did too at the time so I jokingly told them to send me photos. She severed a nerve and shortly after killed herself after coming to the full realization that she had taken away her own ability to use her hand.

Its just very sad and it hurts me to see this and I worry for the kids here. Especially the ones who run the kangel or ame blogs and try their best to play that role. I know at first they're being hyperbolic and trying to play that role, but over time that's going to become part of their daily speak and it's going to hurt them. "Fake it until you make it" works in both directions.

I dont know just I guess... know that if no one else I care about you and I worry about you and... I guess that's it. Sorry this is so jumbled

[faggotommyinnit]

I think people need to be more aware that plurality and being a system are the same thing. Btw. Just because people experience being multi faceted differently doesnt mean that they arent plural, doesnt mean they arent a system, doesnt mean they dont have multiple fuckers running around under the hood (their Brain)

People can argue a million times "the information about did is out of date and unclear where the line ends and begins for what you experience" blah blah fucking blah ive heard it all before. Too many dumbasses on syscord. Too many people who give a fuck about the wrong things. But have you ever considered that even if its all plurality, theres different subsections of plurality?

If someone says theyre a system then good for them. They figured that out. I dont need to know more than that. Yk why? Cause theres the point of plurality where it becomes the covert self report disorder we all in the community know as did and osdd, udd, p-did, whatever and whatnot. Some people just experience plurality differently due to their experiences. And thats OKAY.

People need to understand that its like. Unreasonably hard to get diagnosed because it was so easy for people to realize their plurality and like. Yeah. They got fucking scared. Theres people in your head an society doesnt want them in there. They stopped that so people wouldnt be scared. they wouldnt of been scared if the therapist actually knew what they were doing, bur i dont entirely blame them. The people who hurt you, and your system, put them in there. Some people knew about it (tbmc, organized abuse, etc) , some people have no idea. Sometimes that trauma doesnt look like trauma for others and the system themselves may not even recognize it. But thats fucking okay.

You dont need to know everything about your system. Your allowed to drop the stupid fucking genic labels. Theyre just self report labels. Willowgenic? Okay cool. Endogenic? Whatever u want. But dont put it on just for the sake of others. They dont deserve it. Have you seen the amount of damn people in syscords who are so anti-system that it hurts? How much pain will one have to throw to realize the call comes from inside the house. How much fire will one gas till they themselves are ash.

"alter pregnancy isnt real!!!!!" Too bad. Happened to me an i am your outlier. Try again and dont bring it around our sys family.

Did you know that when people say inner voices or different voices theyre not literal? Or at least it depends on the system, but i just recently learned some people experience it as thoughts that are abstract from the usual, and quite consistent in their presence of abstractness from the "normal" self. Not. Literal voices. But that happens too- im not saying it doesnt. But isnt that so interesting? After quite a few years of knowing an growing with our system, we learn new things every day.

"If you dont black out then your faking!!" Get a fucking grip, blackouts are usually* (not always, obviously theres nuance i dont need to spell that out for you.) for extreme moments of fear and arent as cartoonish as theyre often described. Your more likely to have grey out, emotional amnesia, or amnesia with emotional memory. Yea that exist. Yea those are symptoms. No you are not faking just because the shitty communities built do not fucking talk about them enough.

Yes it is important to discuss with both pwdid (people with DID), osdd, AND endogenics. Also transDID, transOSDD. And more. Cause you know what? Humanity is beautiful. And if your mind makes people to help you? Thats fucking beautiful. Your fucking beautiful. No matter how many people are diagnosed or for how long, their opinion should not matter and should not try and change your life. Especially if you dont know them. Like what?

You dont know me typing this. And i dont know you reading this. But please listen to me that the medical industry has lied to so many of us for so many fucking years and is so obvious now in our year of 2025 that they just want us compliant.

I guess my main point is is that. If you think your plural, then you can be. Be safe about yourselves, dont intentionally abuse someone an excuse it for your alters because theyre all functioning in the same body as you. Love one another for your differences. If you argue with me i dont care. I simply do not care and you will not change my mind to express love to all. Talk to the fucking medical industry and tell the people behind the dsm to make the qualifications for ALL systems.

[funnypages]

Wheel of Time 3x07 Goldeneyes

This a bit of an odd episode that I think its going to be a bit until I full come down on my rating for this. There is a ton of stuff I like but overall I think the ep is a bit messy with a few moments I'm meh on even if I can get why they did them. Overall it seems show onlies liked the ep, while book readers are a bit more divided

The whole thing about Perin now being Lord Perrin Goldeneyes with the Wolfbanner is all from the books is perfect and love it. They hit on his struggle of not wanting to be a lord with Faile pointing out how important it is to his people.

We finally get Aram and the Tinkers! In the books they are introduced in the Two Rivers way earlier. In fact I think the moment where Aram takes up the sword might be one of the first chapters after Rhuidean. A little thing to keep in mind, ive seen some people say Aram is going to become an Aiel. No he is not, Aiel dont use swords, he is going his own path

I love that they make explicit the connection to the last King of Mantherin, Aemon al Caar al Thorin, and Rand's adoptive father Tam al'Thor and the possibility he is a descendant of his. Some ave also speculated Mat and the Cauthon family might be as well

Let's get back to Tam, who in the books is a major figure in this storyline and his Perrin's second in command. It sounds like he wasn't in this season due to scheduling conflicts with the actor which is a major pain. Maksim’s speech he gives to rally the troops was totally originally going to be Tam's

One of the first changes that I'm not a fan of Loial's death. Loial does not die in the books, but I think, from an adaptation side of things I get why they did it. Loial falls into a similar rut as a lot of "Second Tier mains" as I would call them (also would include Lan and Thom in this) where in the middle of the series they kinda disappear for several books or are technically there in the background for several books but dont do anything. Loial does in the books eventually rally the Ogiers and leads them to battle in the Last Battle, but that's in the last book. On a show you cant really have an actor jut hang around for seasons and nt really do much, especially one that requires so much make up. I just wish they had wrote him out as going back to the Stedding to heal from the Longing instead.

Also not a big fan of Alana getting injured again. Repeating the beat she literally just did. I get needing to write her out of the second half of the battle, but they either should not have had her as badly injured before with the White Cloaks, or alternatively have there be a Black Adjah or mad male channeler in the trolloc army that she had to deal with

I did like them killing of Valda here. In the books he is killed way later but this is a better end point. I also like the small implication that he may have been able to channel (cause he could see the weaves) and that was maybe part of the reason for his instability

Final thing I was not a fan of, the resolution to the fight with Perrin just threatening Fain into retreating. In the books, Faile actually does go away from the fight only to return with an army of villagers from other towns and farms who help turn the fight against the trollocs. Again they probably changed this because they couldn't afford all the extras, and for similar reasons probably didn't do my alternative which was Perrin calling down an army of wolves to fight.

Perrin leaves with the White Cloaks to go on trial at the end. In the books he does not go with them here, but instead goes with them books and books later, I think book 12 or 13? I am fine with this as the whole Perrin/White Cloak trial storyline goes on way too long in the books and would like them finishing it up soon. I will say though I am 50/50 on if this will be resolved next ep. This might be the last time we see Perrin this season

There is a lot I liked about this ep. The whole battle, Aram, Weap for Mantheran, The Perrin/Faille battle scene, Valda's death, and them speeding up the Perrin/White Cloak storyline from the books. It's just a lot of the other things I thought were a bit messy.

[prongsandpetals]

no one asked for this but i’m saying it anyway because i am tired of this grandpa.

i dont hate jegulus or their shippers. personally, it doesnt make sense to me and my moral compass trickles into fiction meaning i dont have much interest in any of the slytherins. it could also be the fact that when people would create oc’s for james in their fics 10 yrs ago and made lily a raging bitch id be fighting them all in the comments- a fight or flight response that now has spread to jegulus- but thats neither here nor there. it brings people joy and they are fictional characters, and it doesnt physically hurt anyone!

but there is something to be said about some of the less savoury implications it has had on the fandom. it feels as though jily is in its own subfandom sort of pushed to the side, leaving two mlm ships to dominate. unfortunately a lottt of female characters have been forgotten or pushed aside because of this. a lot of people who joined the fandom not that long ago either dont know or forget that this fandom was not built on either wolfstar (who i love), or jegulus. yes, they popularised them, but this fandom has revolved around jily for over 10 years. not to mention many of these fics were written from lilys pov, meaning there was so much more depth put into the girls characters. to erase this is to erase the fandoms history.

the diversifying of characters is something amazing that has come more recently with the popularisation of the fandom and thats one of the good parts!! however if someone still views aaron taylor johnson as their james, that doesn’t make them a racist - the man has been james since at least 2006.

another (smaller) thing ive seen is someone will post a song or a photo and attribute it to a jily moment with harry that we can realistically see happening canonically and a comment will say something along the lines of: “this but its how james felt when regulus (insert something that did not happen here)” idk if its the autism but god those always get me a little bit, especially when it includes harry.

similarly, it feels as though people who ship jily are assumed to be less progressive. as a lesbian jily shipper i can’t disagree more. just because a ship is a straight ship does not make it a bad ship - i think we can all agree there are so many amazing LGBTQ+ ships out there now for everyone to enjoy. it does feel quite strange to me to place the two characters who created the child that there are seven books about into different ships, but people like them so its chill!! but when its just complete eradication or discontent with the canon ship… ;(

i also think that to have jegulus be endgame (except aus), a lot of james’s insanely important character traits literally HAVE to be erased. his hatred for death eaters and fight for justice, his unending loyalty to his friends - especially sirius- his black and white view on right and wrong, all of these traits become warped and stretched when it comes to jegulus. of course there isnt much canon to go off of so when people disregard it entirely i can understand it to a degree. but when you erase the important canon points we have on their characters, we are basically just creating oc’s with real characters names.

another thing that i find irksome is the fetishisation of these mlm ships- if youre gonna ship two men together do it right!! why are you calling regulus a cute little baby victim and james a big strong protector!! let them be complex and messy or dont do it at all! not to mention the erasure of a lot of wlw ships... lowkey gives girl who has gay boy best friend that thinks lesbians are weird… anyways off topic! ive heard people say its not fetishisation, its because the female characters arent written with depth- that’s why people read jegulus and wolfstar! okay? go give the girls some depth? regulus is a character we basically know nothing about canonically and youve turned him into a fully fleshed character who is now a lot of peoples favourite - it can be done with the girls too. there is such emphasis placed on wolfstar and jegulus for their deep, tragic love stories - and the marauders friendship in general. the gryffindor girls are right there. dorlene is right there. marylene is right there.

and if it truly werent fetishisation, i would argue that it can be a romanticisation of toxic relationships. a lot of people dislike jily because there is no “angst”. the angst is fighting in a war at 21 years old. the angst is lily and james’s differing blood statuses and the implications this has on their lives. the angst is having a prophecy hanging over their unborn child’s head that forces them into hiding. the angst is being betrayed by their best friend, leading them to sacrifice themselves for their family and the wizarding world. the angst is literally right there, but because their relationship is healthy and happy- one of the only things in their lives that is not full of pain- they are deemed boring.

again, i dont hate jegulus. i especially dont dislike anyone who likes the ship and gets something out of it. but there is so much change this fandom has gone through since their introduction and popularisation that has made interacting with the fandom as a whole almost unbearable sometimes, and thats what i do hate.

all in all, multishippers definitely have the most fun.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for breaking things off with a long distance FWB before their visit? (nsfwish)

i (x,27) have been chatting on and off with an online friend for maybe five or six months with M (x,23). we met in an nsfw online community so our relationship was pretty flirty right from the jump and quickly became sexual, though because of the sizeable distance between us, it was always restricted to online. when things first started we talked a lot more frequently, sometimes in a flirty way and sometimes in just a casual friend way, but over time our relationship cooled. i started seeing someone irl (they know about M and vice versa ofc) but around that same time that we sorta made things official, M started talking about coming to visit, which made me wonder if they werent as okay with this new relationship as they said. we'd discussed very loosely the idea of seeing one another irl before, but suddenly those plans started becoming very real and i started to worry. i didnt and honestly dont know how i feel about it anymore. the idea of meeting them in person is still kinda exciting, as theyre a friend and i would like to get to hang out with them, but i wonder now if theyve noticed the dynamic between us has changed a lot since we first started talking, moreso since i have a partner i devote a greater share of my time to, and i worry theyre expecting something from me that im not sure i can give them anymore. i want to talk to them about it but im uncertain for a number of reasons. first, when we started making plans they immediately pitched the idea of a week long visit, which i thought was too long for a first irl meeting and negotiated them down a little. they seemed to understand but also seemed disappointed which sort of fanned the flames of my anxieties about our interests being out of sync. second, due to me living in a small apartment with a roommate, theyd probably be sharing a bed with me, something ive done with friends before and am generally fine with but again, several days, possible mismatched perceptions of our relationship, idk. if we do have this talk, i think i might have to kill our plans altogether.

i do still want to be friends if possible. we run in similar circles, including a shared discord server, and id hate to make things awkward in the group, but it seems to me like, things being how they are right now, this meet up may end in heartbreak, which would then also lead to them being stuck far from home with the person who shot them down :/ how can i give them the "lets just be friends" talk before our meet up (currently planned to be sometime in a few months, so theres at least some time) without being a total asshole?

[onlyjaeyun]

i’ve been following ur writing for some time now and i do have to agree with that anon who said you did CH dirty. you are a very talented writer so it’s just hard to watch.

you started off CH so strong with the lore and little chapters here and there but as it progressed you kind of just got lazy and it shows. when important events happened in the story, they weren’t conveyed through writing but through the texts (ie the riki and yn fight, that was definitely worth a written chapter) and it was honestly disappointing.

the ending isn’t much to say about either. yn and hoon barely go through development after the letter incident and all of a sudden they’re dating and married with a kid like two chapters later?

idk, if it was a mental health issue then i get that but even then you should’ve just gave it a break and thought everything out more. you could do so much better.

thank you for the feedback!

i wanna put you through the progess of a piece of writing from the POV of a writer okay? now keep in mind: i work two jobs, am a fulltime uni student and the daughter of an immigrant household with two parents who still work most of the day just so you know what else i have to deal with, besides my mental health okay?

now, i started off CH strong right? yes. i uploaded on the daily, fine i chose that. a chapter usually takes me around one hour if i actually sit down and focus on nothing but the chapter itself, which includes IG stories, editing, formatting etc. alright

on top of the daily chapters, i constantly replied to 40+ asks a day, a blessing in disguise because no matter how much i enjoy talking to you guys, the pressure does get worse the bigger that number of my inbox becomes, i hope this makes sense

now, i started CH back in october, right when my semester started, thats why i started off strong but as time went on, my assignments and private life got too busy and i guess i felt entitled enough as a writer to skip a few certain chaps and make life a little easier for me by making them regular chapters instead of written ones.

and this is gonna be my main point: i'm not a machine. i wrote a minimum of 5 THOUSAND words per written chapter, MINIMUM. we're talking about a 5-9 THOUSANDED worded chapter EACH WEEK. which usually took me about 6-7 hours, even allnighters.

yes, i chose to do that and maybe my time management wasn't the best but i had to create a compromise where i wouldnt have let you guys wait for over two months which would have resulted in me losing my motivation completely, and yet still focusing on EXAMS. because you know, i'm a fulltime uni student with TWO jobs 😮‍💨

if YOU think i did CH dirty go write an alternative ending yourself but it should be a minimum of 15 chapters including 5 written ones, with at LEAST 9k words each yeah? i wanna see you manage it all, pls prove me wrong snd show me you're better than me i'm genuinely begging bc it might inspire me to do "better" next time.

as a writer/artist/creator, and i can tell you probably arent one yourself or havent been one for long, the longer smth takes to come to an end the worse the pressure becomes which results in a blockage i dont wish upon my worst enemy i'm being deadass. i dealt with some of the worst writer's block ive had since i started writing literally 12 years ago and you're telling me i should have just "taken a break" and do "better"

i never, ever expected anything from anyone but some of you are so entitled to a writer's time and skill it's giving me a headache. maybe you didn't like the timing and writing of the last few chapters of CH and i guess that's unfortunate but this was so unnecessary because you completely dismissed everything else that could have been going on in my life and even belittled my mental health issues like im some fucking AI writing machine

do better, be nicer, write it yourself if you don't like it i'm so fucking over this

if i had gotten out of my own comfort and wellbeing and have actually written another set of written chapters i would have burned myself completely out. ive been in this fandom for not even a year and have already finished FOUR smaus with 50 chapters each, you do NOT get to tell me what i should or could have done better because you dont even give a fuck about me as a person this is just about receiving what YOU think YOURE entitled to but this is MY art and I will do what I see fit even if it's not what was expected of it because i'm a fucking human being with a life before i'm a writer on tumblr

oh, also: i do this for free ㅤ:) just a reminder :) this is my HOBBY :)

and don't you EVER call me lazy again when it comes to writing because i'm not gonna pour my heart and soul into a fic just for you to call me lazy when i literally wrote 50 THOUSAND words for this fucking fic just for the written chapters

goodbye

[genyxie]

So even though I haven't finished it yet Hiraeth has me in a death grip honestly and I've had an time travel Au in my head thats inspired by it.

And I've finally gotten around to getting it out of my head. Drawing merlin and Arthur for my au really helped me with that.

^ Prince Arthur and Merlin

In my head I'm calling it "two halves of two wholes" or something along those lines.

Ive never written fanfiction so this is just bullet points really. And then I devolve into just dialogue. And I've written parts! 3 so far.

^ at Camlann King Arthur and Myrdinn

• In this au future Merlin{from here on referred to as Myrddin} is pulled from his alternate future (1500y after Arthur's death ) by Camlann Merlin trying to save Arthur, before he even tries to call Kilgharrah.

• Myrddin found the solution to how to fix Arthur's wound 500 years after his death, ofc it's no easy feat, the caveat being he'd have to give his life essentially using his own (immortal) life force to merge both halves of the coin making Arthur immortal, expelling the tip of the sword and sealing the wound. (Something something Dragonlord in there too since it's a dragon flame forged sword)

• Myrddin attempts the spell without hesitation, old enough and numb enough to not care if this is real or not, it's a chance to 'save arthur'!

(shoddy dialogue incoming)

Myr- 'wtf... Where am I?' notices his younger self cradling a bleeding ( and frankly terrified) Arthur (who just watched his best friend summon his own...twin?)

Mer- "help me! You have to help me!" Eyes still burnished gold blood dripping from his nose

Myr- squats down beside him pressing his hand to the wound and begins the spell. He's held the memory of the spell so tightly it comes naturally to him. He'd do anything to save Arthur even if he isn't 'his' Arthur, at least this virsion of him would never have to suffer his fate.

Mer- promising Arthur he'll explain telling him to 'just trust him clotpole '

Myr- has gold flowing down the veins of his arms sinking into Arthur then is pushed back violently as the spell is rejected since this isn't 'his' Arthur, "I....I don't think it will work"

Mer- "WHY NOT!? Try HARDER it was working!"

Myr- through gritted teeth "he is not MY king. Two halves of the same coin remember?" He says bitterly the hatred of that prophecy clearly on his face. "I believe only the matching half can repair the other."

Mer- "then teach me the spell"

Myr- "you will die."

Mer- "will he live?"

Myr- "he will become... A singular whole. Immortal. Like me. Like us."

Mer- understanding what he means through some connection with Myrdinn and his magic

Arthur- not understanding shit but the fact Merlin is trying to sacrifice himself for him! Again! "M..Merlin...no..y..you ca-"

Myr&mer- "quiet clotpole"

Arthur- head spinning because of blood loss, or two Merlin's. He's sure that's Merlin too...even if he looks...different and there's literally static coming off of him, waves of power he's never felt before from his merlin. Watches them argue back and forth for a few beats feeling weaker by the second.

Mer- frustrated, the more time passes the more he's connected to his other self, the more he understands. "I DONT WANT TO FAIL MY KING! I DONT WANT TO BECOME YOU!"

Myr- frozen on the spot, relaxes with a bitter laugh "I don't know what I expected, I've always had a vicious streak a mile long when it came to him" presses his forehead to Merlin's sharing the memory of the spell. "You know you'll die." He says again

Mer- "yes" (Arthur makes a pained sound in the background)

Myr- "your world won't survive that, like mine, it may take a while, but magic will die. With only one of you the balance will be broken."

Mer- "I don't think it will"

Myr- "you seem so sure of that"

Mer- "I am"

Myr- "based on what exactly?"

Mer- looks at myrdinn eyes turning gold "you'll take my place"

Myr- horrified at the thought actually. Protests vehemently saying the minute Merlin dies the magic holding him here will return him to his world

Mer- reasons his world doesn't exist anymore from what little he understands, the only Pilar holding the world up was taken away there's no world for myrdinn to return to now that he's left it.

Myr- stops to let that sink in and is surprised he feels nothing much about that in the moment but would rather not extend his already long and miserable life.

Mer- pushes on pointing at myrdinn "you're stronger than me,older, more powerful! this is your chance to atone for failing your king, don't. fail. mine." another purposeful low blow, he needs to make this merlin stay and protect Arthur "I can't trust anyone else."

Myr- gritting his teeth so hard his jaw is creaking, but he can't refute because his younger self is right. He nods once, sharp and stiff, and steps back to give them space sparing the protesting king a single glance.

Mer- "I'm sorry Arthur, I wish I could have seen your golden age, but I'll be with you even if you can't see me"

Arthur- trying to push Merlin away "don't...Merlin...this is an order"

Mer- laughing sadly "when have I ever listened to you?" Holds Arthur's hand gently. "I'm leaving you in good hands. Whenever you find it in your heart to forgive me, let him know Im sorry, I don't think he's a failure...and his king wouldn't either" a knowing look in his eyes

Arthur- glances at Myrdinn who has his back turned shaking from head to toe ever so slightly, turns his eyes back to Merlin, he has so much to say. As Merlin begins the spell he says what he thinks is the most important "listen...merlin...Everything you've done, I know now. For me, for Camelot and the kingdom you helped me build,"

Mer- glances down eyes bleeding golden as he keeps reciting the spell, golden tears at his eyes

Arthur- "i want to say something I've never said to you before... Thank you"

Mer- finishes the spell just as he says so and smiles turning into particles of golden light that then flow into Arthur's wound gold visibly flowing through his veins shining from even under his armour untill his eyes glow gold and a single golden tear down his cheek as he passes out

💙🩵💙

That's it for the first part. I have to edit the others and I have a lot to add I think. This has been living in my head rent free for months so I'm nervous and excited to get it out!

^Post Camlann Once and Future King Arthur and Emrys

I did body maps too. Including Myrdinns tattoos and scars.

He has all the round table knights names on his thigh, Pendragon crest on his..sternum? Is that the place? And Ygraine's sigil above his heart . Arthur gains a golden swirling moving mark where he was pierced, and wherever he is injured you can see gold flowing within his blood.

Myrdinn doesn't have Merlin's scars, I liked the idea of his magic remaking his body once it's too damaged upon death that Hiraeth posed.

This will not leave my head. I might post the other parts soon if I can get them editted

[prof-peach]

Bit ooc but I have a question. How you do go about planing out your PLA comic? Like how do you actually turn your ideas/ storyline into comic form? Is it chapter to chapter or do you have the whole idea already planned out? Trying to find my own way in comic making so I’m just wondering if you could give any advice. Feel free to ignore if you don’t feel comfortable answering

So, at first this was al i could think to send.

because its incredibly accurate to my process.

Jokes aside, a lot of how i work is back and forth chaos, fighting with ideas until im happy with them. I will start with a list (usually not written down because im unhinged and keep a ot of it in my brain) and organise it in a way that makes sense to the situation, in this case workign with a game with an established plot...not that its a very strong one.

with a set of ideas, and a game to work around i will ramble and rant to a few choice people who i bounce well off, and also stare into space for hours on end building the ideas. This process can be days, it can be years. For context, i have some notes from 2019 about things i wanted to include that are still relevant. I have been scheming how to break and rebuild this OC for ages. Theres no correct time frame, so long as you simply do the work.

Once i have a fairly loose plan, i start to solidify the benning and the end. What is required to make a character compelling, what makes them believable, what makes them human in a way that we recognise. this isnt always a positive thing, people like to call characters who do bad things problematic, but its human nature to make mistakes and be damaged or difficult, the process of the story is not always rainbows and sunshine. For me, this hits even harder, as im trying to tell a story from the perspective of someone fundamentally broken, so showing those breaks and cracks has to be done wisely.

This is the point where i make notes about things that need to change from the start to the end. And ill say one thing, this story in particular, I have not solidly planned the middle. I am allowing space for me to come up with new ideas at points. Being locked into a dead set of ideas can be quite limiting, and as creators we consume and process things constantly to generate new stories. Id be a fool to make a plan and stick to it. everything i do is vague guidelines.

However, I know exactly how the story ends in Hisui, and where it goes to from there. And i think me personally knowing the end goal makes it easier to plot steps towards that, and some of those steps are anything but progressive.

If nothing else, the end was the only thing i saw clearly, and it has only become more complex and loaded and emotional as the rest of this has fallen into place. If you can see the goal, you can work out how to get there with time.

Regarding the chapters, i tend to draft plan up like 3-4 of them at a time, and then go in order to sketch out one after the other, so i have plenty of time to change things while i adjust. its constantly a process of seeing what you make, seeing issues, and scrapping whole parts just to redraw something better or new, unique even. I dont think a single page ive posted has resembled the very VERY first draft thumbnail ive made, and thats just how i do. Every panel, how big they are, the angle you hand the viewer, the way you light things, the expressions, this all dictates SO SO much.

Taking time over it is kind of the job, and let me stress, this is normally a job done by a team, especially the highly popular comics. one inks, one colours, one shades, one handles text, one edits, theres so many people behind it, so dont be bothered by the pace at which things are made if youre working alone like i am. One person means longer production times, if you can, spread the workload out, but its not required. Its why i always say it doesnt matter how long it takes to make, so long as youre still making.

I think its also worth noting, comics are consumed quickly, the bakcgournds and small details can be lost in the ace of the storytelling, pick and choosing your battles is wise, save your time on panels where you want the reader to shift along quicker, keep that pace high, and add in more detail and depth to panels you want to champion or get the viewers to hang around on more. its ok to let go of a "perfect" image in favour of getting content out, if youre being driven nuts by it. Again, time be damned, be happy with it. And if you can let go of petty details, id suggest doing it when possible, so long as it doesnt effect the storytelling.

I mean what else can i even say. This work is a passion project, I love it, more than i can even put into words, and i think you kind of have to, to make comics without monetary motivation. sure you can get lucky and find ways to make it big, but for most of us, its the love of the story. So maybe try not to be your biggest hater, its easy to slip into the behaviour, so try be gentle on yourself and the process. I should take that advice myself haha! but i really do mean it. This is HARD work, so be kind to yourself over it.

anyway, with a rough idea, a bunch of sketches, and time, they get inked and fussed over, i make a billion changes to layout and story, and eventually posting can happen but not after fighting with the monster that is creating. Idk what else i can say. This is not work for the feint of heart, but anyone can learn to do it.

Good luck, comic artists can always use it!

[teddy-the-queer-wizard]

queer wizard back at it again

barely started t and honestly if it doesnt work out (if i dont like the changes or it becomes illegal idk) i honestly do not care

i feel like ive given myself permission to *live* my life however i want to, moving towards things i *want*

do you know other than maybe like "oh shiney new toy i an afford" (like a game system or something) ive never really decided or thought about things that i want from life. things that would make me happy.

because if you dont have strong desires for things they cant take them away from you and youre only a little disappointed

im in such a good mood.

and like because my family knows i want to transition and is (currently) leaving me alone about it i dont have to sneak around about everything that might give me away or have my family stumble upon my bag of needles and think in doing drugs

i can just try and experiment and do things and care about things

like. ive always been a depressive anxious person. and im not silly enough to think thatll go away just because i have what essentially is a new hobby and am planning on shopping for things (gotta love that retail therapy)

but like. hey if im getting on t, im going to be greasier. smellyier. to counter act that i need to shower every day - ah but i want to keep the pink hair so i gotta work on taking care of my hair while bathing my body every day - ah but ill need clean clothes everyday - ah but your sheets have to be cleaned regularly too - ah but ill be at work where I'll probably be sweaty and i dont want to actively stink at work like that one guy who was hated for it - ah but i want top surgery and they wont do it if my bmi is too high maybe ill have to start working out like my friend does

you see where this is going right? this *one* thing has me rethinking how im taking care of myself because while i am lazy if its something i care about its worth the effort... which means i gotta care about myself

i know therell be days i struggle or skip things or whatever but honestly thats not going to take away from the amount of effort i will hopefully be putting in pretty regularly.

and im planning for my future with my friend. making active steps to do things to make it happen and figure out how we're going to get there.

im prioritizing not just what i cant not do, but things that will make me and my friend happy. or make things easier on us.

im investing in life for the first time in my life and thats pretty cool

[tenaciouschronicler]

Februrary 9 2025 2010

LORE DROP! LORE DROP! LORE DROP!

But first lets finish with Slick because huh??

Using the power of sprite flipping, Slick is able to manifest his barcode once again. Such a silly little argument actually becomes poignant who knew? Also not sure how I missed it but the references to SBAHJ were actually links to previous comics. Still doesnt explain their connection but it does make them more than just throwaways.

After scanning the barcode, the doors open revealing something very curious.

Oh yeah buddy, that is definitely a spirograph and this is definitely a bunker.

This guy again?

Been a long time.

A bunker Slick is very familiar with. We dont get much more about this mysterious new figure besides that they are:

grey with orange horns

they have cruxite and captchalouge cards so have to be connected with SBURB

his window matches the panes of Slicks console

theres a sickle on the ground

his shirt has the zodiac symbol for Cancer

and what may be a crab-like Sprite is floating in their room

This guy is obviously a player but they are not from earth so not likely in the same session as John and co. The only references weve had to other worldly beings were from the trolls so could it be this is one of them? And that begs the question of how did they infiltrate the kids session?

The intermission ends with another poorly drawn MSPA panel of this final shot in his room before the curtains close and we start act 4.

FLIGHT OF THE PARADOX CLONES

An interesting title of this act and reminded me of the orchestral piece 'Flight of the Bumblebee' by Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov. Looking more into it, the song was originally an interlude piece for one of his operas and "intended to musically evoke the seemingly chaotic and rapidly changing flying pattern of a bumblebee (Wikipedia)." Ive got a feeling things are gonna get crazy this act, more so than weve seen so far especially with whatever paradox clones are.

Act 4 starts us where we left off with John as he passes through the gate to the planet below: The Land of Wind and Shade.

Like we did way back when, this flash is interactive allowing us to explore a part of the planet. On top of that Nanna is still back at the house, unable to join John on his quest, and after interacting with certain parts adds a little more (if cryptic) context.

Lets start with a few visual basics.

(gonna be just as much of a doozy as that house update was so be prepared)

LOWAS (because I am not writing that whole thing out every time) is a very beautiful planet, and not just cause I am biased towards blue. Glowing trees and mushrooms grow everywhere with pipes and Parcel Pyxis scattered around. The previously thought dark rivers are actually full of oil, much like the imps John has been fighting. On LOWAS we find different imps with cat and tentacle features as well as princess costumes; a product of Roses entering the medium. Hanging fairly low are clouds full of 'stars' that are actually Fireflies, trapped by a spell from The Slumbering One. The yellow salamanders that we interact with are the Consorts of this land, self-depreciating little creatures John will have to protect.

Starting with the Parcel Pyxis, these cylindrical objects operate like mailboxes ‘connected to [the] network of pipes’. Pyxis is a small constellation though there doesn’t seem to be a connection beyond a space theme. These operate using Minitablets which look similar to the Captchalouge cards weve seen. These are carved and deposited into the Pyxis for someone else, unknown to the requester, to find and then deposit said item. If you find something in one of these you are ‘obliged to keep it’ as its thought to be ‘a gift from the Breeze’. Looking around at each Pyxis we do find various items as well as more of the oil spewing from one. Of note, one of the Pyxis contains amber much like the one Serenity was in and found by WV. Nanna, after the explanation of the Pyxis, states ‘The true Heir must learn [their] ways … to progress through the Gates.’ So we now have confirmation that John is the Heir of Breath which makes sense with all the talk of wind and Breezes but more on that later.

A group of salamanders can be found who explain more about what happened to this planet. Fireflies as we learned are important and The Slumbering One cast a spell before falling asleep to trap them. At the same time, ‘some really terrible guys’ asked him to create a whole bunch of Underlings which most likely means the imps. Then he clogged the land and pipes with oil sludge so ‘[the planet] can barely breath’. This may be a metaphor for choking out the planet but it could also imply that the planet is alive in someway. Those ‘terrible guys’ turn out to be the Agents, likely guys like Jack, who only became more active ‘when the Heir showed up’. For the Consorts this was only very recently which falls in line with Johns arrival to the Medium and LOWAS. The spell can only be broken when ‘...The Slumbering One is awoken and slain. Then the Breeze will again flow through the pipes…’ freeing the fireflies. So now we have an objective for John to work towards.

Lastly, before we get to the big point, Nanna says ‘Amphibious and reptilian life forms play a special roll in you quest’. This comes after John speaks to a Consort about a broken Cherished Idol which is a statue of a frog. In one of the Pyxis you can actually find a frog labeled ILLEGAL CONTRABAND so the frogs weve seen on Jades island are probably more than just a weird choice. Theres something bigger going on besides ‘really hat[ing] frogs’.

Now the big point. One of the Consorts says ‘Often, wind skims the voids of the Pipes, as if grazing the hollow of a cut reed, or say, a plundered Parcel Pyxis.’ Where have we heard that before? ‘Wind skims the voids keeping neighbors apart, as if grazing the hollow of a cut reed, or say, a plundered mailbox.’ (page 82) There is a Very deep connection here that only gets more interesting. The Consort says ‘It is a lovely sound and brings back fond memories of my childhood.’ while on page 82 it follows with ‘A familiar note is produced. It's the one Desolation plays to keep its instrument in tune.’ Im unclear the exact nature of the connection but just speculating I no longer think that the Wind is Desolation. Instead, keeping in mind desolation is “a state of complete emptiness or destruction”, the note played by the wind used by Desolation is nostalgia. While those memories can be looked at fondly, there is sometimes a sense of loss associated with those memories for simpler times. Desolation is not what we should focus on, though we cant forget it completely, rather we should approach this with focus on the Wind and Breeze and how it will affect and change John especially as the Heir. On another note, the imagery conveyed by talking of Pipes and Breezes reminds me a lot of a pipe organ. Pipe organs work by “driving pressurized air (called wind (!!!)) through the organ pipes” (Wikipedia). Is this Desolations Instrument? And what will this mean for John?

As a final note, there is a spot where you can use the telescope to view Johns home from the planet. This confuses John because isnt he meant to climb the gates? Nanna says ‘to ascend, each time you must first descend’. And something clicked. Each kid at some point descends. John and Rose from their rooms to the ground floor. Dave after hes pushed down the stairs. Jade to the island proper. And each time after they ascend again. John to each platform and eventually the gate. Dave back to the roof to strife with Bro. Rose to the rooftop to enter the Medium. Jade to the entrance of the frog statue.

To Ascend, each time you Must First Descend.

[whywasthissohardtomake]

Okay, buckle in guys cause ive been Thinking (my work is cracking down on earbuds so i could only think about hwfwm vs listening to it 😞)

so my mind has carried me to 3 tracts. 1.) time travel. b) how to get jason to be non lethal (is there a way?) and a subsect of b , iii. Is there any reason that Jason would be booted from Team Biscuit.

edit: this is gonna be just about 1 because it got hella long.

now, 1 and b are pretty normal. But iii. is where my mind eventually wandered. Lets get into it!

Starting off with 1: Time Travel.

so i think it makes sense that if given the ability, jason would in fact time travel. To save Kaito, Asya, and Greg if nothing else.

Now. My first thought was, he’d go into his normal rank body (because rn im working w jason going back to when he first arrived in palamustus, tho earlier or later both do hold appeal), and all of his memories & shit would be mind-splittingly painful due to going from a silver ranked body to a normal one. I was having a great time with this version UNTIL i realized that its the soul thats ranking up & affecting the body. Not the other way around. And Jason is a gestalt being, so how the fuck would his soul travel back without his body?

this led me down two paths.

one: two jasons. This would make the most sense & be easiest to explain (for now without Evilphrog’s theories on time travel) as jason’s whole body & soul would just go back in time & then hed probably do sneaky stuff from the shadows & longingly spy on his friends & eventually the two jason’s meet & young jason will be horrified by what hes become etc etc. now, this is fun, but generally not my preferred way of time travel (i might make an exception because two jasons is great, but i digress).

path two: jason tears away his soul like he did to the messenger or potentially even that one builder cultist. He then sends it back in time (with new scars, would these be visible? Scar thoughts to come), and it inhabits his old body. I think he probably absorbs it? (More thoughts on this to come too. God im having a lot of thoughts). & then weve got this giant purge in the garden & suddenly jason is the only jason & also at [insert rank here].

so, scars. I believe his scars would manifest on this new body. Potentially bleeding like they did after he flung carlos. And i wonder if new scars would manifest. Because all of his old soul scars also came with a physical attack, im not sure. Im leaning towards yes, but im also not sure what theyd look like. Hmmmm. Maybe some sort of full body scarring? But like minimal ish? Yknow like lichtenberg scars? But not that exactly. Food for thought. anywho, so then jason is naked WAIT COME ON. arghhhh. I thought it would be really funny if jason saved everyone without clothes on :((((. But his storage space is his fucking astral kingdom which is obviously coming with him!!!!! Maybe its so disoriented & hes so fixated on saving gary, farrah, & rufus that he doesnt notice? But hes always been really aware of his attire 😭. Augh. I have to scrap that. :(

anyway, id say that his astral kingdom, & colin & gordon come with him. (Though theyll need their bodies resummoned. I think maybe they also absorbed(?) their younger counterparts). But not shade because he do WAIT FARRAH. okay farrah has to be dead before jason time travels OR colin & gordon cant come with him. Choices.

god this is so messy. So, assuming farrah’s dead, shade didnt go with them because he didnt bind himself to jason. Wait nvm. Farrah can live because gordon & colin dont? have souls? So the bond would probs break btwn jason & farrah but colin & gordon would be fine.

ANYWAYS. My thought is that (from where i am rn), shade wouldnt come with jason because hes not bound to jason as like a voice to his astral kingness.

okay, so jason then goes & saves rufus & farrah & gary & i think slaps a suppression collar on anise (cant kill her yet i dont think) & thats about as far as i got, because i dont wanna plan out a whole time travel fic yet. (Tho i do think having an outsider pov for this would be so good)

subsect of path 2: what if like instead of old jason absorbing new jason, we get the classic visions & scattered memories instead. & like they start before he ever goes to palamustus & jason just thinks theyre really vivid dreams/nightmares (hes lying to himself) & then he gets transported & finds out that they were visions of the future & he has to like scramble to remember what the early ones were & also either lie about not knowing shit, or probably lie about how he knows shit.

and i believe that is the time travel section!

i think im actually break this up into 3 parts because god this is long. B & iii might be in the same post tho.

sorry its so rambly but, as always, pls no spoilers!

[fictionfixations]

the dawn knight in place of yuu

MAJOR JP BOOK 7 SPOILERS

(anyway i like calling him the knight of dawn but also thats too many words for a name im going to be repeating a lot throughout this post so dawn knight)

okay so. i was thinking about a fic to write where a character had a part of themselves appear somewhere else? like ive been getting into omniscient reader but i have a diff story im trying to commit to rn so i cant really write something with it when i dont really know shit that happens besides like end game spoilers lOl

but i find the idea of like the 49/51 (?) interesting? i think thats the right numbers. no context to people who dont know what that means but that part broke me even though all i know about omniscient reader is by reading a shit ton of orv fanfiction. my heart man... sob.

but so anyways my mind wandered to the dawn knight

kudos to that like one fic where the dawn knight's soul appeared and attached itself to yuu except i read it when i didnt even know who he was but i thought maybe he was a buddy of lilia so im just reading and getting confused on like no why you no like lilia what (also he doesnt remember iirc and i think that was just like a instinctual feeling cause yknow humans vs fae??) but uh i know context now lMFAO

but like

just imagine this person who looks like silver but blonde. who doesnt remember who he is (as hes kind of more of just a fragment of his soul? but like he appears in NRC and not RSA because he still has a lingering attachment towards silver. wanting to see him grow because he never got the chance to)

who worries over silver

is a little nervous around fae, but maybe this is ooc but like without all the pressure from what the fuck was his name henrik(??) and like the people around him who are all anti-fae, cause he wouldve liked it if they couldve been in peace and stuff yknow? and also without those memories so its not too difficult for him to get past that and see them as people who will probably not harm others (LOOK i just want twst characters to be happy man cause everything is so sad :((( )

anyway lilia has grown since then and doesnt hate humans. maybe he doesnt exactly know how to feel about the dawn knight (UM like cause meleanor. or is it maleanor? i think thats EN spelling but tbh if not for en i wouldnt know how tf to spell it. but uh ykNOW.. he kinda. uh. still killed.)

but then maybe it becomes clear that this dawn knight (who needs an actual name. dawn sounds too on the nose and i dont think lilia associates dawn with positive feelings considering when maleanor died didnt it turn dawn or something. and then they broke down because shes DEAD.???)

is not the same dawn knight he met so long ago.

like

idk

think about it in like a. okay im pulling out honkai star rail examples now. but think of it maybe like dan feng and dan heng where they're like reincarnations of each other? but not the same person? (some people think of them as still the same considering i think(? its been a hot minute since i went through story) those memories of those reincarnations are then shared to other incarnations to help them in high elder duty thingy whatever its called but i think of them as entirely different people who happen to look similar)

i guess you could view it as a 'i once was [this], but now im this and im not the same person who did all those things'

EDIT: I AM WRONG. 2.5 spoilers but its mentioned that someone made dan heng remember his past life so its NOT canon that they remember their past life. "...led her to perform certain healing arts on Dan Heng, who had just finished his hatching rebirth, so that he would regain the memories of his past life?" but anyway thats how it turned out so uh just pretend that i mean reincarnating/past life type deal but stlil having some of those memories of the former life

idk maybe theres some lilia treating him as another son since like. all three of them are orphans who were taken in???? like its implied parallel of lilia being taken in by the mal... dRACONIA family sorry i forgot the last name om. and the dawn knight being taken in by the whoever is in charge. like the dad of henrik(?) and that person whose name i cant remember i think it was leah who the dawn knight liked and married? but so anyway they both got taken in by a family and owe them a debt and fight for them (and care for them. although idk about henrik ew, but he was also like. wanting princess glow(???) which could supposedly grant wishes i think to like cure their ill father, and saying that the dawn knight should do it for leah or something? i cant remember but he convinced him with something something leah)

i dont know where im going with this thought but like. i remember the dawn knight said something like. if things could be different? but like it cant be because they've gone too far now to forgive each other? but like he wanted there to be peace.

i remember thinking about lilia's wish in the wish upon a star event, maybe it was similar i cant recall exactly

Lilia: My wish is... ...for humans, fae, and all other species to live in harmony. [Img of the wishing star] Trey: Haha, wow. That's a pretty ambitious wish. Lilia: To join joyous hands with one another is no simple feat, even for those among the same species... To say nothing of the difficulties across species divides. You've learned about our history, have you not? All the countless tales of our failure to compromise, and the resulting conflicts? I have no desire to see such history repeated. So I make the same wish every Starsending.

like the dawn knight expressed regret that it had to be this way and wanted things to change but it was far too late. but like. he never did that stuff now (well lilia will remember so poor grandpa but. he's also been really forgiving towards humans when doing it for someone? like he endures it? like when he was searching for a way to hatch malleus and these people were really against lilia for being fae when he just existed, and he didnt fight back because it would paint a bad picture for the draconias? there was another example related to silevr but i cant remember it im. not what i was thinking about but theres also when he contemplated killing baby silver but changed his mind because he'd been trying to teach malleus to like. 'walk in time with his neighbor' and so and so and i forgot what he said but that how could he do that when he should be like setting an example for malleus or something right?)

also silver learning who his parents are in a maybe less traumatic way (like NOT running away knowing malleus' mom might die and then oh shit the ceiling collapsed and IS THAT THE ENEMY oh god please dont let malleus' egg be hurt and then he shares the same face as me? and that ring-- cue silver hating himself and being dragged in by darkness and i am just sobbing my eyes out like no silver he loved you so much :((( )

and even if lilia still holds anything against the dawn knight. still has lingering feelings even towards this not-dawn knight. that he wouldnt want to condemn the dawn knight, and then have silver condemn himself for being of that blood even though he didnt even do anything yknow?

and then when lilia dies he can meet up with the ghosts of maleanor and raverne (is that spelled right? i genuinely cant remember the EN spelling but it was something like that. uhh.??) and i know thats sad but i want lilia to be able to spend more time with maleanor and raverne too yknow? but im not sure how to do that

maybe. like the. the the . council? i cant remember its name fshuidfh but those assholes who appeared when we made it to. blackscale(?) castle... ? i. forgor. maleficia(THATS GRANDMA RIGHT?? i get so confused by who is who in draconia) castle??

but like when we get there with malleus' egg and then maleanor dies

and theres just these voices of long dead old geezers who are bitches to lilia and i hate them and i dont know how they're still there and can talk but i dont want maleanor there because they're horrible. also they literally said her sacrifice was like noble or some shit like that and im just like BITCH- (also lilia is banned from the capital or something isnt he?? like i mean he can still visit the castle. but secretly. but still :( )

so i just think.

fully getting over stuff. heart demons. talking things out. lilia gets to talk about stuff for the first time in awhile (remember when like literally no one talked about the circumstances regarding malleus' birth or something so silver and sebek just had no idea what they were getting into??? and like i guess he could talk to baul? baur? idk which one is the one on EN i forgor. but idk man.)

not-dawn knight being a really good listener. being understanding, sharing his input where appropriate. and like he also gets some of his memories which put a lot of things into proper context. and so sharing thoughts of so and so. and just. basically this talk that spirals into moving on.

sharing frustrations, sharing things that never really got to be known.? like regrets, etc etc

since i think the last time they met was when silver father reveal, and time passed and he died so its just all these lingering things that never got to be said out loud for various reasons. like maybe because company is against so and so so to say something would be like idk maybe traitorous? i dont think thats the right word but words are hard and i keep forgetting words the moment i need them

its like. the unique point of view of talking about things between former enemies. like how they viewed things, etc etc

and then when lilias lived a full life, no regrets, he meets maleanor and raverne in the afterlife.

oh yeah also about his dorm i have no fucking idea. i honestly mostly forgot what each dorm represents but either ramshackle or diasomnia, which i know is like nobility or something? but anyway dawn knight married a princess, also i associate diasomnia with fae / briar valley which is related considering hes book 7 stuff so im pushing him there anyway

or maybe the mirror cant read him because his soul is fragmented. or maybe retcon and his soul isnt like that? idk but i like to think the other part of his soul is in the afterlife with his wife yknow? and eventually silver will be there and able to meet his mom and huggies, and acknowledging that these are who his parents are, but also that lilia is also his parent and the one who raised him yknow? there can be more than two parents in my eyes.

its just that his soul is like in half because of the part of him that wants to have seen silver grown. i think i said this earlier in the post but that since the last time he saw silver was as an infant (also he had blonde hair so-)

also wasnt infant silver asleep for like hundreds of years until it was either because someone who loved him came by (lilia) or because the spell finally wore off (which is what lilia thinks. i dont know where to put my two cents at tbh of which i think is right)

so dawn knight just sitting there in the afterlife like. ..man. my childs still not here. i mean. thats a good thing that they're not dead but like. i kinda wanna see them.

or well silvers the only one so i should be saying he but gidfhuj

also it was either leah or leia i am a dumbass? maybe leah was the EN one. idk i forgot.

anyway thats enough yapping for me