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chilumi-shipper · 2 years ago

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Gosh im so fuckimg nervous this is my first time doing this EVER. Im not even sure if you're accepting reqs rn but I'll risk it. Also im in love with the pAIN. It hurts so good. I keep re reading every angst/fluff u write cuz ik they're all worth it OMIGAD oki,

may i req any angst to fluff with my bby man arataki itto?ㅠㅠ I keep looking for any but to no avail then came across your acc, (been rereading ur works for months i feel like a creep holy shiieet) like idk how u do it because I dont have a specific imagine in my mind OMG TF I talk too much okay I'll go

also ily HEHEH ♡╮ ( ´ ▽ ` ) ╭♡

My Favorite Girl

Arataki Itto x Shrine Maiden!Fem!Reader

Summary: You were definitely an odd couple, but it just worked out. Despite his somewhat idiotic attitude and the fact that he doesn't have a stable income, you loved him with all your heart. Although, you can never tell if he feels the same way about you, he definitely loves you, but... will you ever mean more to him than his gang? Will he ever gleefully talk about you like he talks about his deputy? Will he ever fondly think that you are just so amazing, like how he thinks of Kuki Shinobu?

Part 2

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Despite the Arataki Gang's infamous title of being a pretty rowdy and a troublemaking group of idiots, you were quite fond of them, they're a funny group, never failing to make you laugh, they stick by each other, you have to admire that loyalty, and they make your one and oni the person that he is. You have to appreciate that.

No matter the overwhelming differences between you and Itto, it seems that fate has brought the both of you together, it really shocked many of your fellow Shrine Maidens.

You were given the title of "The Arataki Gang's Honorary Maiden", you treasured that title just as much as you did your official title at the Grand Narukami Shrine. Whenever you could, you'd do some ordinary things for the Gang, just like a normal member would, send out flyers for whatever goofy festival or play or event they may be planning on doing, providing them with food and a shelter if they ever get themselves up to some trouble again, which they frequently do, you're the one that Ushi goes to for comfort when he sometimes gets fed up by all the stupidity around him, you're even the person to find if anyone of them manage to find themselves in a cell.

"Y/N!" You hear Itto's energetic voice call for you, though it wasn't only you he managed to get the attention of. As always, he manages to get everyone's attention at the shrine whenever he visits.

As the gang approaches you, all smiles like the usual, (except when their smiles linger with the look of guilt when they need to tell you that they messed something up) you see a familiar girl with green hair walk with them.

"Check it out! An official new member of the Arataki Gang." The way Itto spoke makes it obvious that he's so proud, you understood of course, nobody really wanted to join them before because of their neverending... conflicts.

Their happy expressions were contagious, you also couldn't help but smile. "Oh, I feel like I've seen you from somewhere." You directed your words to the masked girl. She seems to turn flustered scratching the back of her head.

"Yeahhhhh... I was here the other day... with my mother..." When the girl answered, it finally clicked, the other day, a woman and her daughter were arguing there at the shrine, the mother talking about her daughter being a shrine maiden, with a stable income and a good future and all that, whilst the daughter was arguing that the job just wasn't for her.

"Ohh, yeah, I remember now!" You smiled sweetly at the girl, unknowing of the blush that she hid behind her mask when you showed such warmth towards her. "I guess you found your real passion now."

Itto crossed his arms proudly. "That's right! This is Kuki Shinobu! Our new member, just thought I should introduce you two to each other, but now that seems unnecessary." Itto looked at the green haired girl.

"Heh, good thing Shinobu didn't choose to be a boring old Shrine Maiden." Mamoru, one of the members of the gang, stated, instantly getting elbowed by Genta.

"You idiot! Do you know where we are?!"

You took no offense, even laughing at their poor attempt of covering what he said.

"Oh, no offense, Y/N." Mamoru said sheepishly, "We like you! You aren't one of those stick in the mud Shrine Maidens!" Another elbow from Genta stopped him from speaking, as you pretend to be oblivious of the dirty glares they were getting from your co-workers.

"Well, we should definitely be going now!" Itto leaned down a bit, stealing a kiss on your lips as a goodbye. "I'll see you back home." His words were gentler when his forehead is pressed against yours.

"Try not to get arrested again." You whispered back, just as gentle despite the meaning of your words. "Or else I might how to cuddle with Ushi again tonight."

"Not gonna happen." Another kiss and he was off with his gang.

...

After that... it was like you've been replaced.

Ever so slowly did it show that you were no longer needed in the group. Kuki Shinobu was one amazing addition, so much so that she became a Deputy Leader a week after her arrival.

It seems like you're gently being pushed away, it felt like now that you have a replacement, they don't want you anymore.

You no longer received news about the group, it's like you're not gonna be invited to any more card games and beetle fights and 'festivals'.

At first you understood, you were kinda always busy, you aren't always gonna be there, so it's great that the idiots have someone to have their backs and get them out of trouble when you're not around.

"Where are you going?" You were standing behind Itto, as he was about to leave through the front door. He never mentioned any affairs he had to go to that night.

Itto looked back at you and smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his head and said, "I've got some things planned with the gang. Is it okay if I come home late?"

You gulped, looking down a bit. "Y-Yeah, okay, sure." His smile turned bigger, going up to you and giving you a kiss on the cheek.

"Great! Thanks!" He left eagerly, whilst you sighed and tried to endure a wave of disappointment.

You walked to the kitchen, "He forgot..." You felt a tear run down your cheek, your hand quick to wipe it away as you take the pot of Itto's favorite off the stove and transferring a portion for yourself on a plate, the rest you just plan to give away to the nice seniors living next door.

Maybe it was just you that felt off with the changes, feeling bad that you don't get to spend as much time with your beloved as much as you would want to. But then again, that could just be you being overly attached.

Maybe it was just your own insecurities speaking when you see that Itto holds so much adoration for Shinobu, adoration that he has never showed to anyone before.

Maybe it was just your own jealous thoughts taking over when Itto keeps bailing on you and your plans in favor of going with his gang.

And from feeling like you're no longer a part of the Arataki Gang, it went to feeling like you were no longer an important part of Itto's life.

"Shinobu's basically the best gal there is!" He thinks so highly of her, you can't help but let jealousy cloud your mind. You were at the same restaurant they happen to walk into just now.

You knew it was wrong, but you listen in on the group's conversation, "She just got her school certificate from that big shot school in Liyue! We gotta celebrate!" You thought that eating at the restaurant might give you some time to think and feel relaxed, but it would seem like there was just a constant feeling eating at your skin everytime you think about the ever closing relationship between Itto and Shinobu.

"Hey, how about Tuesday next week, boss? I hear that there's gonna be this massive star shower that night."

"It's called a meteor shower, you idiot!"

"Yeah, yeah, that's pretty cool! Remember that nice spot we set up our Drumalong Festival? Let's celebrate there again. I bet we get a clear shot of the beautiful sky there!" Itto suggested as you feel your heart sink a bit.

"It's not like I have anything planned, we can get started getting the things we need to celebrate now." Tears started to burn your eyes, you couldn't help but just look down at your food, feeling devastated about what you heard.

Next Tuesday is your birthday.

You thought that maybe it would be nice to go on a night picnic with him and watch the nice show in the sky, you aren't much for big celebrations with tons of people, heck, you'd rather have Itto bring his gang along, they always makes things fun and entertaining.

You had it all planned out in your head too, you thought that it would make up for all the time that you lost when he would bail on you. You already asked him to join you a few days ago, it seems that he forgot that he agreed.

But at least now, you're absolutely sure of what you are to Itto now.

...You had your great times with him.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

"You're leaving?" Itto sounded like a kicked puppy, looking at your back as you pack a portion of your clothes into a bag.

You didn't bother looking at him, continuing to pack as you answered, "Y-Yeah, I have to go to Watatsumi Island for work stuff." You noticed that your voice started trembling, so you kept your answer short.

Itto looked over your shoulder, seeing a big pile of items in your bag. "That's a lot of stuff. Are you staying there for like... a week or something?" He chuckled, though it sounded as if it was in uncertainty, he really hopes you're not gonna be gone that long.

You sniff, you feel that your eyes are a bit sore from crying yourself to sleep the past few days. You felt fatigue, hopelessness, heartbreak, all that just in the span of a few days.

"A month, actually?"

The Oni almost couldn't believe his ears. "W-What? That's so long." He tried laughing a bit to ease a bit of the shock he felt, yet his laugh only came out awkward and confused.

"It's not like you'll notice I'm gone." It was what you wanted to say, however you kept it in.

"A-Alright, when will you be leaving? I can help you haul you stuff to the boat." You zipped up your bag before finally looking back at him.

His eyes narrowed as he looked at your face, it's not the first time these past few days that he didn't notice the tired look in your eyes.

You took something out from your pocket, taking out a purple envelope, you brought Itto's attention to the object.

Today is your birthday the festival in Kuki Shinobu's honor. And today is also the day that special meteor shower will be happening.

He still hasn't realized.

"Hey, isn't that the envelope for our festival. We'll go there together tonight, right?" He smiled sweetly at you, you were gonna miss that pure smile of his.

"Actually..." You sighed, handing him the invitation. "I'm l-leaving tonight, so you don't have to come see me off at the docks." You felt your heart ache as you see his face visible fall.

"O-Ohh..." It was a rare sight, Itto was at a lost for words, and despite your frustrations, your annoyance of being pushed away and being forgotten, you stepped closer to him before leaning down and kissing his forehead. "That soon, huh?"

"...Yeah." You shoved all the negative emotions down, hoping that your long trip to Watatsumi will clear your mind and void you of all the bad feelings you've been getting.

Itto's big arms wrapped around your form, he was sat on the bed as you were standing up, he rested his head on your stomach, feeling his disappointment grow by the second.

And he doesn't know why, but... there's been a part of his subconscious eating away at him all day, like... he's missing something important.

You pull away from the embrace much to your lover's dismay. You caress his face, smiling as he leaned in to your touch. This was actually one of the few moments that you get to spend time with him that isn't just you two getting ready for bed and sleeping.

"This is possibly one of the last moments I'll have with you."

You try not to let your tears spill out, you think that when you leave, he'll finally realize that... he doesn't need you...

A litte Shrine Maiden, boring and dull, in contrast with his exciting and kind of stupid way of living. You start looking back at what people have said about you relationship.

It's just a fever dream, it won't last.

He'll probably get tired of her soon enough.

She's just getting herself into more trouble being with an Oni. Especially that idiotic one.

You've never cared for what people have said about you, but they seem to be proving true right now.

You look into his eyes, smiling before leaning down for a kiss.

"One last kiss... Before I let you go..."

The man before you felt a strange feeling as you kissed him, the kiss was so passionate, yet it seemed full of sadness.

He shook off the weird feeling.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Itto sits at the docks of Ritou, waiting for a boat that would have the love of his life on it. There was a neatly wrapped present beside him, inside contained a beautiful jade necklace he bought with a portion of his saved up mora, along with a letter he poured all his feelings for you onto.

It has been 1 month 2 weeks and 3 days...

You were just a little bit behind on the schedule, he convinced himself. At some point, you'll be waving your hand, greeting him before you even come to the docks. He'll be coming to the docks everyday with the present until the day comes.

He's got a whole apology speech as well! If you got mad at him and chose to take the job at Watatsumi because he forgot your birthday, he has been practicing the words he wants to say to you.

He really misses you.

On your birthday, the meteor shower could apparently be seen from all over Inazuma, so chances are, you probably saw the glimmering stars as well. He just wished that he could have been with you.

Itto has been beating himself up for forgetting about your day ever since you left. He's been going to the Grand Narukami Shrine and have asked your co-workers almost single day about when you will come back and if there's any way you can come back early, they never give a preferable answer.

He understood the tired look you had now, the sadness in your eyes when he would come home late. You probably felt so alone when he's been going out so much, barely ever checking up on you, only ever being in the house to sleep and then leave immediately.

Itto held on to the precious moment you shared before you left, as he selfishly chose to go to the festival instead of bidding you goodbye, the last time he saw you was in your shared house. The sweet kiss you shared lingered in his mind, he clung onto that memory in hopes that you're not too mad at him to just up and leave and never come back.

"Woah... Didn't see you there, Beefcake." Despite trying to put some enthusiasm in his voice, the sadness the Oni felt was to obvious to mask.

Ushi slid by his side, looking at the see that his owner was previously staring at. Itto chuckled at the bull's action. "Yeah, I miss her too." He couldn't help but sigh.

The little animal reached for it's side, and it caught Itto by surprise when Ushi pulled out a single rose, before looking back to the horizon again.

"Hah, well, it looks like my competition for my Y/N's love is back huh?" He smiled. "Have you got a speech of your own ready?"

Ushi looked at his owner unimpressed, nodding before laying the rose on top of Itto's present.

Behind them, Kuki Shinobu was standing, feeling ever so empathetic for the two souls that seem to have lost their light.

The gang has been like her family, including you, even if you weren't around as often as the other members, you were the one that always made her comfortable, you were witty but also a fun person to be around with. If it weren't for you telling her that her path should be hers to choose on the day her mother forced her to go to the Grand Narukami Shrine, she would have never ended up with such amazing people.

She looked behind her, where Akira, Genta, Mamoru stood.

"Looks like we're going to Watatsumi Island."

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

There'll be a part 2, just don't know when ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I wrote this in very small increments over the course of two weeks, and the last part I literally wrote when I'm laying in bed at 3 am with 10% battery.

Anon, I hope you like it. I'm sorry if it's not Angst to Fluff yet like you asked, but it's kinda ling and I'm a bit tired. Still, thanks so much fir the request, I actually quite enjoyed thinking about this and writing this.

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact angst #genshin impact #genshin angst #genshin impact itto #arataki itto #itto angst #itto x reader

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frazie-aquato · 3 years ago

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i know hes The Antagonist, and an asshole genuinely and the least "has a sad reason" villain in the series, but i do think gristol malik sometimes is hated for like........Sussy baka reasons...im refuse to elaborate but i find his level really fun and i think he is ibteresting but aside from the normal, 'if you talk about a villain character you are defending them!!!!!!!!!!! you are evil' that i had been fed as a younger thing, and also that he is Generally Hated by community for good reason, and finally add to that is i dont even want to talk about the aforementioned Sussy Baka reasons because its closely intertwined with very common irl issue that makes me upset. like i sorta said earlier theres other antagonists that are more sympathetically portrayed ib the series, i think its really important to take in account the series origins world of morals. like it or not gristol still kinda.....didnt do what he planned. or at least, it was jist a bunch of 'once i do this' rather than 'did this', the most successful thing was yoinky sploinky truman, and getting insider info. oleander, loboto, ford, lucrecia, in comparison to 'once i do this' ACTUALLY 'did this'.... and are forgiven in universe, and by fans, including me. i feel like i need to put giant biohazard neon lights up that says I LIKE AND ENJOY THOSE OTHER GUYS TOO A WHOLE LOT whenever i discuss this because i feel like if i said it without someone wouls somehow think im a hater... anyways the most important thing about gristols lack of redemption from the narrative is that he does not want to improve himself as the time stands. he doesnt want to change, hes shortsighted. and the thing is like....come on. based on all those other characters, he vould totally change even if hes house arrest to mail room and the agents would go with him for ice cream next monday if they wanted. some could argue him being loved around the motherlobe was an act itself, like him pretending to be nice. i think thats totally possible, but i think its another case of not wanting to change or see whats in front of him. like, my good bitch you can buy a cotton candy naker for yourself right now if you wanted. ans people like you. bitch. but was raised as a royal cunt probably surrounded by adults who didnt wanna get their shit scrambled and was used to being 'the leader'. and in growing up i cant imagine they would go outside much if at all, hes called lost heir for a reason, why would he be lost if people knew hin, so he was probably never around normal people. i also dont think it was an 'act of pretending' persay because truman does call him the most brownosing asskisser, which no one likes. no ones likes that. now that around truman was totally an act to me, after all if you are infultrating the psychowhatsits you wanna be sooooo nice and totally trusting to their head honcho... but, basically in the way i see it, gristol, his issue is that he is refusing redemption from the world he loves in's morality. thats why he is 'not sympathetic' he has no regrets you can play it yourself its true. i dont think it would be impossible to change in the slightest...blinking my neon hazard lights again as i am thinking of the obvious lucy moment. however i think it would take a very, very long time. and like, a million therapy. the thing about all this discussion is there is ways to play with it in a way thats like...actually ibteresting. which is why its bad i feel shameful bringing up this discussion about gristol because of the instant 'i hate hims' and no further discussion, and the pn world morals. like, i think it is fucked up that hollis or sasha would do experiments on gristol just because he is there and not learning. even if it was a joke or not serious i think the ideas kinda like ? o_O. another worldbuilding idea, how of the surving grulovians feel about lucy? how would they feel knowing lucy was found, and is safe, and is protected by the agency?

jesus fucking christ this waa going to be a 2 sentence vague post, and it turned into a no-breaks in paragraph slop.....im so sorry besties................. also the big flashing sign disclaimer is still constantly on my mind :( dont be mean to me or ill cry and kill everyone

#*#long post

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markitchi · 4 years ago

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another headcanon

this feels like a fanfiction but anyway,

leon and raihan is a pretty healthy couple.when theyre in the middle of an argument,if one raise their voice just a bit,the other backs off and suggest to take a few hours,even days to cool down, and then talk about it when theyre calm and is able to think straight to avoid unwanted events.

and currently theyre in the middle of an argument,theres a rising problem in the league,and them being the top trainers with equally great intelligence, theyre expected to solve it

theyve been arguing because when theyre discussing about how to solve it,theres a ...quite serious disagreement , which led into a debating session,so they decide to have time to think about it by themselves instead of discussing about it,just for a day or two.

but theres another problem rising,which came from a different source, a pokemon breeding centre,theres some issue with dragon type pokemon,leon expect raihan to be the only person whos expected to help,but because leon has 2 on his team,he was asked to help raihan. sadly he cant decline the request.

theyre in the middle of their “argument” but that doesnt matter of course,since both got an email to help the breeder to solve the pokemon breeding issue,they push their personal problems aside and try to discuss about it,which sadly led into another debating session. both decide to stop and sit down

raihan lets out a sigh “3 days?”

“..sure i guess” leon answer hesitantly,both actually cool off easily and they certainly dont need 3 days to just cool down and think. 3 days without raihan is too long afterall,but leon assume that maybe,he had pushed the wrong buttons and just agree to avoid another conflict,which wont happen.he knows raihan, but he rather not

raihan tilts his head “you look hesitant, 2 days maybe? ive already set up papers to solve the other problem we had,so i guess 2 days is enough,how about you?”

leon looks up to raihan, “i already figure out yesterdays solution too, so... 2 days? then we discuss about the league issue,then suggesting it to the staff?”

raihan nodded “yes,then we discuss about this and gave the result to the pokemon breeding centre”

leon agrees, finally,an agreement.

the next day comes, leon suddenly has an appointment out of nowhere,oleana certainly didnt tell him about this,and now,leon is sorrounded by hellspawns.

hes in the local kindergarten,which is not bad, but this kindergarten hits different,leon has lost count of kids whos trying to stole his cap and pull his cape off. heck,even one kid almost peed on him.

once hes free from hell,he really wants to reunite with raihan,but theyre on their...relationship break? he doesnt even know what its called because its really rare for them to argue.

but because leon is on the edge of bursting out,he decide to just,take a quick shower to make himself look presentable,and flew to hammerlocke

he arrives at the gym, walking through the hall,being guided by one of the gym trainer,to raihans office. his eyes is already glassy with tears.

he entered raihans office, raihan is there, sitting on the couch with paperworks,he move his head to meet leon,eyes wide when he see a familiar purple hair

“leon? do you want to discuss it now? ive cooled down and i al-”

leon lets out a mewl,a sad one. which surprises raihan. raihan stared at him,brows furrowing,he noticed leons golden eyes were glistening “wait-” he got up,walks his way to leon “dandelion,darling” oh how leon has been craving to be called that, “whats wrong? did i do something-”

“i had a surprise appointment today” leon croak out “i- oleana didnt told me about it-” did he just sob? “i wasnt prepared and we went to a fucking place filled with tiny demonic creatures” he leans in to raihans comforting touch “worst than giratina and darkrai, id prefer to hang out with them rather than those- those kids” leons sobs got more violent “they- they were trying to stole my champion hat and tried to pull of my cape,which almost choked me,dragon”

raihan concerns starts to grow faster when leon called him dragon,since leon only use that particular nickname when he feels unsafe or when hes super stressed out.

“i- i almost cried in place, i was tired for- figuring out the solutions and we had 2 debate in a span of one week, we, we rarely argue dragon,” leons grip on raihans arm got tighter,”those kids” raihan can see pure fear in leons eyes “hit the spot,one- one of them almost peed on me raihan,im glad one of the teacher grab them fast enough,i wouldnt know what id do if that actually happened”

raihan hold leon tight,then make him to sit down on the couch, leon didnt let go of raihan when raihan wanted to take a cup of water, he asked raihan to stay and hold him more, raihan cant blame him,that kindergarten IS basically hell and he doesnt understand how the teacher can withstand those tiny demons, this week has been hectic too,he cant blame leon really,he felt bad about initiating one of the debates but,i guess that doesnt matter anymore when theyve found the solutions.

leon is now on his lap,hugging raihan by the shoulder sobbing quietly. all raihan can do is hugging leon back,making sure he feels safe.

after the sobbing had died down,raihan asks leon

“lee?baby?” raihan calls out, leon lets out a mumble, “let me handle the pokemon breeding issue yeah? its about dragon type afterall,i can do it myself,im just gonna take your typed out suggestions and take care of it by my own,about the league issue,lets just combine our solution and come with a neutral conclusion, is that okay darling? or do you want to discuss about it tomorrow? we can stay in my place if you want”

leon slowly repositioned his body to face raihan,he nodded “yeah, okay,ill let you take care of the breeding centre,but dont overwork yourself raihan, about the league,lets just combine our solutions,it does feels irresponsible though,they expect us-”

“leon,my dearest,lets think about YOU for awhile,the league aint shit,my love,how do you feel about it?” raihan cuts off

“...i..personally,i dont want too..” leon looks down, he wants to give the best for the league,but raihan is right,he needs to prioritize himself just for tonight,so he can give the best to the region tomorrow morning

“there you go,now- let me just-” raihan proceed to carry leon, as if hes a baby,leon just dont give a single fuck at this point,he just want to sleep like a rock for 8 hours,he leaned and put his head near raihans neck,looping his arm around raihans shoulder tighter,hes grateful raihan is big and strong enough to carry a 80kg bulky man like he is

“dragon,love” leon mumbled right next to raihans ear, “im..sorry i initiated the breeding center debate,i .. i shouldnt even argue with you,you knew so much more”, raihan kissed leons head, “no worries baby,i dont mind,you are a bit...selfish sometimes,but its okay,its not like im far from that either,since im the one who started to argue about the league issue,despite me not knowing much about it,im sorry about that too”

leon answered “so we good?”

raihan smiled, “always been”

leon hugged raihan tighter and closed his eyes,trusting his dragon that he will take care of him,when leon opened his eyes,hes already in a familiar place,raihans apartment,to be more specific,hes on the bed,wearing one of raihans t-shirt and...his own pajama pants? raihan is currently putting socks on his left feet,raihan noticed that his prince has woke up, “go back to sleep,ill keep you safe,i wont let rose or oleana to put their hands on you” leon looked at him “but how about you?im not gonna have a day off tomorrow if youre not sitting next to me,whats the point of a single day off if 1 of my favorite person isnt there next to me?”

raihans got surprised “wait how did you know i told them to give you a day off?” leon smiled “instinct”

raihan chuckled while crawling to the bed,setting himself next to leon, “i didnt enter hell today so i dont need one” he teased, leon hugs raihan by the waist,giving it a firm grip “raihan my precious dragon, love,sweetheart,im begging you to stay, please,im not fully sane yet,i need you to keep me on the ground,and dont commit a genocide,raihan pleaaase,do your work at home-” raihan cuts him off “no! you’d help me with it! you need to rest,prince!” raihan answered with a laugh, leon tighten his grip “but i need you! how can you leave me alone and insane like this! how dare you!” leon said,mimicking his voice to sound like a dramatic damsel in distrest

raihan obeys,of course he will,hes actually on the edge too,the breeders are plain out stupid and its no wonder that the dragon type mons had an issue,they shouldve put the baby on HIS breeding center instead,he knows well about it anyway,who the heck brought the baby dragons there?! not to mention how they act like they know more than raihan,the dragon tamer,the only certified dragon type specialist in the whole region. raihan was so fed up,the paperwork from the gym arent helping either,he got 3 helping hands and it overwhelms them all,he guess he should give the whole gym trainer just a single day break to sleep the whole day and get themselves charge. and so he did,he typed out a short email to all the gym trainers,that they will have a day off tomorrow,

leon smiled in satisfaction as raihan typed out the email on his phone,he knew raihan was close to murder someone too,,but knowing raihan,he wont take a day off if leon told him too. but raihan WILL do it,if leon beg raihan to stay with him,hes concerned about it and might talk about it, that he should prioritize himself and not his lover,but not definitely not now,nor later.someday probably.

after raihan sent the emails,he turned off the bedside lamp, and proceed he put his head on leons plump chest, “alright,nighty night prince,i love you”

leon put his hand on top of raihans head,petting it gently“night dragon,i love you too”

then they sleep.

#okay this might be a fanfiction #but i had fun !#i hope you do too #pls dont get tired of my habit #heehee #raileon #raihan x leon #kbdn #kibadan #truerivalshipping #gym leader raihan #champion leon

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francofolle · 4 years ago

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*quiet screaming*

family dinner went arguing about how to respond when the pets bark/meow "too much" to arguing about how much to respond to crying babies and the effects of responding to a crying baby to both my mom and my sister leaving the table in tears and me shaking and exhausted. its the kinda stuff i've spent the last four years in therapy working through and im doing better, but sitting at a table steeped in these issues being discussed by the rest of the family who hasn't done any work at all i just.. oof. it feels so heavy, its so much, and its not fair the way my parents project it on to us without being able to have any conversations about how that has hurt us and continues to hurts us. like my mom just takes everything so personally and my dad just straight up buries and ignores emotion. and for some reason this weekend he's been kind of an asshole to all of us at different moments and i'm very fed up with that. idk if he's just in a mood or if its bc of his career but tbh i dont care why exactly he just needs to stop taking his stress out on literally everyone else in the house. and my mom.. my mom just needs therapy. like my dad does too but idk how to even begin getting him there. and my sister.. she knows she wants/needs therapy so that's comforting at least but i wish so much i could help her, protect her more. we have a lot of the same issues bc we have the same parents but she's got to find her solutions herself as much as i will keep giving her any advice or solace or whatever she needs. i hear voices downstairs and im so hoping its not more fighting.

all this to say, i'm gonna try to get two therapy appointments this week after everything and im tired and i underestimate still sometimes how hard this can be.

#madeleine parle #some heavy family issues came up at dinner and i just #im tired man #i miss having my own place

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yyxgin · 4 years ago

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my mum always calls them my ‘korean cartoons’ but it’s understandable bc she’s usually wiped out by the afternoon (she’s up v early AM to go to work so by PM she just wants to sleep) and i mean i watch kdramas so at least she’s got one thing right. better than chinese tv (which is what my dad used to call it before he learned his friends daughter also watches kdrama and anime 🥰 WIN for me tbh 😋

i forgot to watch the movies 😅 but i’m not at work tomorrow so i’ll definitely watch them tonight 🙂 at least one. bro,, today, my goodness lemme,, oh my god. they insist on feeding me before i leave (i am NOT complaining) and today my manager ordered prezzo for herself (italian cuisine) and she was begging me to take some of her pizza home w me even though she’d literally just watched me eat the thai food and one of the chefs brought krispy kreme w her after getting some food supplies and she told me to take one i get fed SO good i’m gonna die if i don’t work there for the rest of my life honestly!! and the food runner made thai tea from scratch (which i’ve only ever had instant bc i thought it would be nice one time and now i live off it) i’m gonna combust i’m living my dream life fr 😫🙏🙏

i can not see myself working anywhere else at this point,, although i’m sad that some of the staff are going to uni in october since i would’ve spent the a few months forming relationships w them by that point 😭 but it’s gucci im gonna love it honestly.

my manager told me why she hired me and i just... yeah she made me sound so good. i’m pleased. wow i love it. i’m rambling now... do you have any pets? or are you allergic? i feel like i haven’t come across someone who’s allergic and will soon. maybe that’s just me being weird 😳

oh wait i forgot!! i love that jaehyun is such an anti-y/n. nctzens are wild to me and honestly i feel like it sucks sometimes bc it just depends really on their mood. like for mark he’s worn out anyway (pro debuter ™️) and it sucks i suppose. i reckon if the audience was younger they wouldn’t be so worn out or looking like they didn’t wanna be there. personally i always act more enthusiastic for younger kids but they’re idols and they’re probably just thinking ‘we’re people just like you’ god idk what i’m saying anymore i hope that made sense! my brain is rotting on the bus ride home.

i hope you had a good day today 🥺 ~ 🌻

my parents are kind of xenophobic tbh but i'm tired of arguing with them,,but nowadays they just call them "my korean boys" which doesn't sound as bad compared to what they used to call them before <3

ooh i hope you had a relaxing day 😎 you deserve it after working so hard !! YOUR COWORKERS SOUND LIKE ANGELS ON EARTH OMG THEY FEED YOU ??? FOR FREE ??? i want coworkers like that. dude i really hope my coworkers will be nice and that i'll get on with them bc if not i will cry😔 YOUR WORKS SOUNDS LIKE A DREAM PLS NEVER QUIT IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. what did your boss tell you ?? why did she hire you?

i do not have any pets😔 but like,,i dont mind. i'm that kind of person that gets bored of things really easily and i wouldnt want to do that to an animal?? like thats fucked up. i wanted a fish because they're fairly easy to take care of but i figured that i'd probably be a bad fish mum so i just yk,,,didnt get it (also my mum said no). my grandma has a dog that i call my own tho bc i brought it to her house and fed it and was the one who let him shit on their property for the first time so its pretty much mine <3 i also have a feeling that i'm his favorite one so🥰🥰 he is tiny and angy and lowkey kind of a not so good boy but thats okay we love him nonetheless. he is sick tho so im worried abt him😔 what about you ?? do you have any pets ?? (also your intuition was bad i am not allergic djsnsm)

yeaah i get what you're saying with the nct fan situation,,but at the same time i actually think they dont mind as much ?? like mark (he is so tired i bet) literally talks like he's besties w the international fans on fancalls sometimes (when he gets the normal fans) and yangyang called us his besties 😭✋ its that sometimes it can get too much.

i had a good day today !! i hope you had one as well🥺

#💌ask #🌻 anon

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gainerboystories · 5 years ago

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Farm hands forced weight gain

A small town in North Carolina we see Jack a slim 18 year old that is looking for work, hes only slim no muscle or fat, a blank slate you can say. The town is very small with only a population of around 50 people, the town has only a few places to work most people resorting to working on farms. So jack accepts his fate, as much as he doesnt like the idea, and jumps in his truck to the nearest farm that he knows will hire him.

After driving about 7 miles, Jake arives at 'David's Ranch' as Jack reads on the wooden sign. He dives through the enterance and down the long dirt road with feilds spread across both sides, the right pigs and left cows blocked of with a long wooden fence from the enterance down about half a mile. After the feilds they is a large dirt area, straight infrount of the road is a small cabin, to the right is a large white and red barn and the left is a area holding all the farm equipment and a large truck with hay bales in the back.

Jack pulls in front of the small cabin and starts to get out of his truck, and walks up to the cabin, the cabin has a little raised deck just before the mesh door with the main doordoor open on the inside. He does a little knock on the wood near the door at first but nobody answers, then one a little lowder. Through the mesh Jack sees a large towering figure coming around the corner at the back of the cabin, walking quickly towards the door. The man unlocks and opens the mesh door and speaks in a raspy tone, "Hello?", Jack looking up at the incredibly tall man exsames him, hes shirtless, huge muscles covered with a thick fur of hair, giant feet and hands, and at least 7 foot tall. "I said hello...", Jack looks back up at him and says worryingly, "urm hello, i was wondering if you was in the need of a farm hand?". The man looks Jack up and down like Jack did to him. "Little small for a farm hand, are you sure", Jack replied "yes ive been doing manual labour most my life". The man pauses, then reponds "so if you wanna work on this farm its gonna be long hours, sometimes 12 hours", jack reluctantly agrees. The man holds out his hand for a shake and says, "im David", jack lifts his arm and places his tiny hand in David's palm, "im Jack".

"Come in Jack i can talk to you about work".

They enter an Jack is hit by a smell of Davids Bo, whats the point of wearing deoderant when your alone in the middle if nowhere. The cabin is small a living area to the right as you walk in, a small kitchen in the back right corner behind a large brormwn leather recliner, which David sts his large body into. To the left is two doors, one to a bedroom and the other a toilet. "You wanna sit down boy?", David pounts to the other Brown recliner in the corner of the room, Jack then sits his small body into the chair, he doesn't fill even half of the chair. "So boy heres what needs doing, the cows need milking, the pigs need weighing, rhe chickens need the eggs collected, the equipment needs cleaning, and then we need to place haybales in the feilds and then we should be done, its 10am now we should be done abround 8pm, you ready?", Jack not knowing if he will survive the dah nods, "dont look sceared boy, you wanted to be my farm hand, come on we can do it together... dont worry one day you'll the the same size as me", Jack looks at the big burly shirtless man and thinks of what hell look like with all that muscle, a dream he thought.

"Done" david shouted, its been hours and they are both exhausted, under the now setting sun, jack and David start to walk back to the Cabin. Jack now shurtless due to him sweating like crazy, says "i guess i better be heading home", "what?" David responds "you thinks you can drive home like that youll pass out before you get to the end of the road to the enterance, you can stay here tonight, ill make dinner". Jack to exhausted to argue renters the cabin and suts in the recliner he sat in when he first entered the cabin, "do you have a shower?" Jack asked, "haha nope" david took a pause "to expensive plus if i wanna be clean i use the hose pipe outside". Jack falls asleep while David is sleeping.

David cooks for about an hour or so, then wakes up Jack. "Hey boy, you ready to live like a real man on the farm?" Jack still waking up nods, David continues "so you wanna look like a farmer too", jack nods again. David then makes a drink for jack and pours in some white powder out of a black tub, "this will help with that" David said quietly, he drings the food and drink to Jack "eat up Jack you hav a big day tomorrow".

Finished his meal jack asks "where do i sleep?", "eather in here or in my bed, if you csn fit". Jack just wanting to sleep in a nice soft bed asks " can i sleep in the bed" David says "of course, where farmer together now" . Jack and David walk to the bedroom, its simple just a bed some photos, david unbuckles his belt and pulls down his jeans showing of his white underwear, stained and showing a huge bulge, Jack then dose the same and they get in bed, jack falls asleep instantly.

In the morning Jack wakes, his belly a little bigger due to the large meal and spesial drink David gave him, but not rally hurting his thin fram.

After many months, the days murge into the same and Jack ends up moving into the cabin. His body now changed, every day his meals getting larger to adjust to his growing body. Now almost a year after meeting David he looks like the average farmer, 300lbs of a mix of fat and muscle, a big beer belly, is now what he looks like.

The day ends, David and Jack are about to do their dayly ritual of making as much food as posible and eating it, Jack eating more of course, then washing it all down with a crate of beer. After Jacks second can he feels tired and passes out in his chair, the last thing he sees is Davids evil smile.

He a wakes in the barn that he has worked in all this time tied to the back wall, the door is open a crack but the rest of the barn is black. After a while the figuree if a man apears at the door its David. "Hey boy, youll be a man soon, awww are you wondering why your tied here and gaged with that funnle, well im gonna faten you up and turn you into a food obsessed pig. Ive always wanted this, in a few years youll be massive and want to worship me." David pours gainer shake after gainer shake into the funnle. After weeks of this Jack has already gained 50lbs now at 350lbs. David then trusts Jacl to take the gag off and untie him. "What do you want to do boy?" Jack responds in a drone type voice "eat sir, eat and worship you sir", "good boy, now eat this 3 layer cake while i jerk off to you been a pig, David places a huge 3 layer cake on the floor and Jack drags his now huge boy to it and eats it all up.

After months his body grows 400lbs in a month 500lbs in 3 months and then 1000lbs in a year. At the year mark Jack is just a large ball of fat sat on hay in the barn been fed endlessly byby his new master. In these months many other farm hands have joined the farm and come to the sane predicament as Jack, locked away in the barn watch eachother grow and become more submisive begging their master to let them suck his cock, but he never does just teases them, its a mix of heaven and hell for the boys, and constant heaven for David.

If you want to request a story DM me. Or comment on my posts.

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asrasotherbottom · 5 years ago

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First, I hope you get all the support and love you deserve dear. ^^ You are FANTASTIC! Second, I am clinically depressed with high anxiety. How would the six handle someone with those qualities? The fretting and low, days where you want to disappear, worrying that no one really cares it just an act?

Thank you!

I’m writing this based on my experiences and the experiences of those close to me, and i 100% understand those aren’t universal. and my interpretations of the characters are not Law or universal. I just wanna say blanketly, that I hope youre doing alright and that you also get the support and love you deserve and that you are safe. Content warning for suicidal ideation (that feeling where youd rather just not exist without like A Desire to act), anxiety, depression. Under a readmore so please take care of yourself and don’t click if you might be negatively effected by reading about this also its long as hell.

Suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-273-8255Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386.

Asra:

- His heart literally aches with you

-Brings you tea in bed for days that you cant leave bed either because depression or because anxiety

-Will sit with you for hours just so you’re not alone, even if youre feeling awful.

-Cares 50000% less about the shop than he does about you, and if youre having a bad brain day he will just lock up and sit with you and hold your hand.

-Will encourage you to get out a little if you can, maybe for a nice walk in the woods to collect mushrooms with him because sometimes getting out and doing something helps.

-Is good at finding secluded secret ways to get around bc fuck people.

-He’s bffs with Muriel so hes pretty good with dealing with self loathing and anxiety already.

-Asra i think has a really good response to the “nobody cares and its just an act” because his magic mark will just glow when he puts his hand over your heart and its really hard to argue with “made a deal with the devil to resurrect you” if the argument is “nobody actually cares” and that was 100% his choice and hes not afraid to tell you that.

-Can, will, wants to, just ramble at you at length about how much he loves you and exactly why and will spend hours refuting your arguments which is tiring but maybe helps you feel a little better by the end.

-If things are just So Bad? If you want to disappear? he’ll nap with you just to be close to you and keep you safe.

-Will bring you to his oasis to walk around and help keep you safe if you really just want to disappear and he’ll try to cheer you up there which is admittedly mostly just pointing at tiny weird magic bugs and stars (but at least your body is safe).

-Deep deep down he’s still the person who brought his mom a button when she was sick so he’ll try anything to cheer you up. Faust too.

-He’ll even talk to Julian to see if he knows anything or anything to ease your pain a little.

-Will sit and just Listen to all your pain and be just Present for you.

-He loves you more than life itself and will definitely be receptive to anything you say about things that might help.

Julian-

-Extremely similar hat.

-But goddamnit if you made HIM feel better about being alive and worthy and deserving of love, he is absolutely going to return the favor.

-Anxiety? he knows all the back alleys to avoid people

-Doesn’t mind staying home from the rowdy raven to sit with you if youre too anxious to go.

-If you need a small dark quiet place to be alone and calm down? Hes got just the place (the hole at maz’s and he’ll even come in with you if you want because it makes you smile to see you both try to cram in there)

-Depression or anxiety making food hard? Some of maz’s soup will fix you right up.

-You find him in the middle of the night pouring over medical texts about depression and anxiety, looking for anything to help you at all.

-He’ll sit up with you on nights that you cant sleep because of anxiety or because youre just too sad.

-He’ll definitely lay in bed with you while you cry.

-He found someone who truly and entirely loves him and he will cling to you for dear life, and tell you all the things he loves about you whenever you need or want to hear them.

-He probably is gonna try a leech at least once.

-Brings you to the docks at night because its calm and peaceful and away from everything.

-After his upright end he definitely learned the importance of a support system and isnt afraid to enlist it to help keep you happy and safe.

Nadia-

- Shes extremely concerned that someone who lights up her entire life can be so sad.

-But shes not about to sit back and do Nothing.

-She can and will cancel any event or meeting if it means she can sit in bed with you and hold you while you cry or if her presence with you soothes some of your anxiety.

-She’ll bring you to her contemplation tower if you need a place to just get away from everything thats making you anxious.

-Will also bring you to the magical realms to help keep you safe and help cheer you up.

-Enlists the finest doctors that she can find if you’d like.

-She’ll take long baths with you where you two can just sit in the hot water and you can cry while she strokes your hair.

-If you feel like shes just faking her affections towards you then expect a bit of a surprised scoff followed by a 4 hour powerpoint presentation about every single thing she loves about you and how you make her feel

-You feel like youre not good enough? “I’m the fucking countess and i could have had literally anyone in vesuvia or beyond but i want you”

-Will pick you up and spin you if she sees you smile because shes just so happy to see you happy.

-Horseback riding as a way to help clear your head and escape anxiety is a given.

-Shes really attentive to making sure you stay fed, in fresh clothes, and bathed, even during bad depressive times so that it doesnt pile on to your bad feelings.

Muriel-

-If not same hat then EXTREMELY similar hat

-Lives in the forest so hes all about that avoiding social anxiety life.

-If you ever feel unsafe Inanna can and will lay entirely on top of you.

-Feeding chickens and petting inanna as anxiety relief for both of you.

-He’ll definitely hold you against his chest or with your head in his lap while you cry if you need it.

-Muriel hates seeing you sad, and doesnt always know exactly what to do or say but he’ll make you eggs all the time to make sure youre still eating when youre sad.

-Will remind you that youre like the only person hes ever truly let in to his heart and he doesnt want to lose you.

-Will also remind you that he gave you the myrrh voluntarily because he….wants you to remember him. hes never wanted to be remembered before. he never asked for it back.

- He really empathizes with wanting to disappear but he doesnt want that when hes with you and he wants to work hard to help you feel the same way with him.

-Long quiet walks in the forest together.

-He’ll take you stargazing and tell you all the things he loves about the beauty of the forest and the stars…and you.

-Big Hugs for Big Sads

-Enlists asra and nadia’s help if he feels he needs it, but he cares about you enough that he’d willingly seek out help for you.

Portia-

-Yeets pepi at you Like A Football.

-”Peep?? Peep Peep”

-Youre gonna feel better if it kills her.

-Gardening to help with sadness, touching dirt always helps. She’ll spend hours with you in the garden, helping you create like beauty with your hands.

-Chase the goddamn cockatoo with a broom to make you smile.

-Enlist’s Maz and Maz’s soup as well.

-Helps you find secret passageways to hide in when your anxiety is too much.

-Too sad to leave bed? Portia will carry you and your blanket.

-Is having none of that “oh what if you dont actually love me” business. She’s super used to Julian’s self loathing and depression that shes moved on to slightly tougher love.

-She loves you and shes going to keep telling you that and shes not going anywhere.

-She gets soft when you cry though and will cling to you for dear life and not move for hours.

-”How dare you talk about the person i love like that” - Portia, to you, when you talk about reasons you hate yourself.

-Cries with you though.

-Doesn’t like when she has to go to work when you’re in a bad mental space so shes asks nadia for you to have just a nice room in the palace reserved for you that you can lay in so she can come check on you during the day.

-Shes great for bad anxiety days because she has no problem doing social interactions for you. The thought of going to buy some herbs brings you to tears? No problem, she has no idea what herbs shes buying but shes Gonna Do It.

-The strength of Portias hugs is liable to just squeeze the depression right out of you along with also your internal organs probably.

Lucio-

-”How can you be depressed?? You’re dating ME, the COUNT! ……….Can I help?”

-He definitely tries to use his sex appeal to lighten your mood, it probably works sometimes (or at least gets a laugh out).

-Gets extremely startled when you cry but holds you tight against him.

-Cancels meetings, cancels plants, cancels the entirety of the Vesuvia if he has to in order to stay in bed with you when youre having a bad depression day.

-You can cry into M&M’s fur as long as you’re not wearing any makeup :P

-Gets worried and hides the pointy tips for his gauntlet.

-Absolutely having none of the “nobody really cares and its just an act” hes the COUNT! He could have anyone anytime he wanted! You were the first warmth and compassion he felt in years! The first person to really actually love him for /him/! he gets way more emotional than he plans to but he feels very strongly about this

- 4 hour powerpoint presentation on all the reasons hes into you

-Tries really hard to find material things that will help your mood. Gold? Silk? Furs? Sweets? Watching fistfights? Anything?

- He knows what its like to really disappear and hes not about to let that happen to you.

-He’ll never admit it to anyone but you but hes clinging to you with everything he has and he will work tirelessly to help support you.

-”Will petting my hair help you relax”

-Ropes Julian, Nadia,and Asra into things to help you, but they dont mind because its You theyre helping really.

-Anxiety? “Oh don’t worry, I’ll make /sure/ all eyes are on me” it maybe doesnt help exactly as intended but watching him be ridiculous eases the tension a little.

-Deep deep down he knows in his soul Deep Sadness and it makes him surprisingly good at supporting you.

i hope this was what you wanted!!!!

#Anonymous #nadia #julian #asra #muriel #portia #lucio #the arcana #depression #anxiety #mine

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canadiankazz · 6 years ago

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The Fourth Time - An L.A. by Night fanfic

Jasper and Annabelle's relationship has taken a lot of intimate steps lately, but when she lets him take the reins, so to speak, and let his more dominant side out, they manage to find a way to get even more pleasure out of it.

SPOILERS for the end of Campaign 1 including the one-shots. This has gone off canon, so consider this an AU. It's worth reading Part 1 (The First Time), Part 2 (The Second Time) and Part 3 (The Third Time) before you read this. This fic takes place almost directly after The Third Time. This was written before the premiere of Season 2, Episode 2.

I lay no claim to owning any of the characters involved. Things are gonna get more kinky than they have been in this series so far from here on out. We are way past tame wrist biting now. We’re getting into some mild BDSM stuff in this part.

As always, special thanks to @cravatfiend for the support and encouragement during the writing of the drafts. When I asked them for a safe word, they picked the best one for Annabelle. I had the privilege of watching them read this for the first time and all they could say was "...Damn!" High praise, indeed.

All my love, also, to @gokaiyellow for their additional input, @fluffy-wookiees for being adorable, and to everyone else who has enjoyed this series so far. There are many more parts to come after this one, no worries. (As of posting, I’m currently finishing writing part 8 with ideas for part 9!)

Also posted to the author's Ao3.

First posted Feb, 2, 2019.

The Entire ‘Feeds From’ Master List Can be Found Here

The Fourth Time

Annabelle was having a nightmare. She was running for her life through a dark sewer. Her shoes splashed through the filth. Rats squeaked and scattered in a panic as she charged forwards. Behind her, she could hear a dreadful snarling echoing through the tunnel. She couldn’t see the monster chasing her, but she could hear it. Its hungry growling was getting closer and closer. When, not if, but when it caught her, it was going to rip her apart and eat her alive. Her eyes scanned the walls and curved ceiling frantically for a ladder or escape hatch up to the streets above. There! A ladder appeared to her right. She climbed it as fast as she could, but right when she was about to push up through the manhole cover, she felt sharp claws grab her leg and pull her back down. She screamed.

Annabelle woke with a shudder. Her Beast strained in her chest and throat. The room she was in was dark. There were no windows. She was on her side facing a blank wall. She could feel someone else's body pressed against her back and a long arm curved cosily around her side and stomach that was not her own. There was no breath or body heat coming from the person behind her.

Then she remembered. She was in Jasper's sanctum again. In his bed, again. And he had fed on her last night, again. And now...

She tried to turn her head to look at him without disturbing him. His arm tightened around her a little.

“Jasper?” she whispered.

“Mm.”

He was awake. Annabelle relaxed a little and went back to looking at the wall. He seemed comfortable where he was and so was she, to her mild surprise. Their relationship had taken many great leaps these past few months.

“Hey,” she said softly.

“Hey,” he mumbled into her hair.

“Sleep well?”

“Like the dead.”

She rolled her eyes and poked his arm. “Ha. Ha.”

She heard him snarl softly in her ear as he smiled.

“You need a bigger bed,” she told him.

“Why?”

“Because we only barely fit on it.”

“I thought that this was only going to be a temporary thing,” he said, sounding amused. “Something to tie me over for a little while.”

“Well, clearly... it's not,” Annabelle said softly.

“We can't keep doing this forever,” he told her. His voice was gentle, but firm. “The others are going to find out, and... it's not a healthy relationship.”

Annabelle frowned. “What do you mean by that?”

“What I mean is that...” he sighed, thinking of what to say. She felt him roll back slightly away from her. “It's one sided.”

“No... you feed from me sometimes and let me sleep in your bed sometimes, that's fair.”

“But you don't have to sleep here.”

“You don't have to feed from me either, but here we are,” Annabelle said pointedly. She sighed and touched his hand. “I don't want to argue with you. I... I am happy for this to continue as long as you want. I don't feel like it's one sided, Jasper. I thought you liked it... Liked me.”

“I do,” he admitted softly, “but that’s the problem. I think I’m liking it too much and... that scares me.”

Annabelle thought she understood now. He had told her that a Kindred feeding from another was a big deal and she got why now. Blood was more than just food for them, it was life, and sharing your life with someone else left a big impact. So too did someone forcibly taking it away. He had been trying to adjust to this new, kinder type of feeding and despite the fact that they had only done it three or four times in the past few months, maybe things were still, on an emotional level, going a little too fast for him. Annabelle awkwardly shifted, rolling over to face him. His hoodie was down. From what little light there was in the bedroom, she could see his pale, gaunt face. “It’s okay,” she said. “Don’t let it scare you. I think I get it though. We’ve been kind of going at my pace a little bit.”

Jasper remained quiet, but gave a slight nod. He could see she was more or less on the right track. He felt it in his blood.

“Okay,” Annabelle sighed slowly. “Do you want some emotional space?”

“I think so. To think things over.”

Annabelle nodded and stroked his arm. Her Vitae has done a good job healing him. “Okay,” she said. She didn’t want to make Jasper uncomfortable in this relationship. “How about this... if you want to do this again, you call me, okay? And we’ll do it however you want to.”

“Okay,” Jasper said. He lent forward a little and his forehead touched Annabelle’s for a brief, tender moment. “Thank you,” he whispered. Then he rolled over and got out of bed.

Annabelle stayed where she was, not wanting to get up yet. “You still owe me a boon, remember?”

“Mm. True.”

“And I've thought about what I want from you. If anything happens to me, anything really bad, I want you to take care of Mark and Elleanore for me.”

“What do you mean by 'take care of?'” he asked.

“Watch out for them. Make sure they don't get attacked, I guess? Just keep them safe, as best you can.” Her hand found her golden locket around her neck and held it.

Jasper considered this briefly and decided that it wasn't unreasonable. It was certainly less embarrassing than teaching X how to moonwalk. “Alright,” he nodded.

“Thank you,” Annabelle said tenderly.

Then Jasper stretched his long limbs. Annabelle could her his joints crack and pop. She sat up and sighed. She was hungry. She needed to go.

She packed up her laptop and the little plastic candles she had brought the night before. Jasper helped to collect them. “Will I see you again later?” She asked hopefully.

Jasper shrugged. “At some point, yes. I want to explore my labyrinth this week, and I know the others will be tracking down those other Kindred who attacked us the other night. We should help with that.”

Annabelle nodded. She was angry that her group had been attacked and she hadn't been there to help. At least she could help in the aftermath. She dreaded to think what would have become of Jasper if she hadn't gotten to him when she did. “Yeah.”

An invisible Jasper walked Annabelle to Griffith College, then they parted ways. They both had a lot to do.

Jasper kept himself busy over the next few weeks. He explored his labyrinth. He visited Eva. He received and carried out more jobs for Baron Abrams. All the while, Annabelle's movements and moods were in the back of his mind. The longer he went without feeding on her, the weaker his bond with her became. Part of him missed that. He found himself delaying finding another more permanent solution to his empty larder. He knew that eventually he would have to go back to his more aggressive feeding style, but he also knew he would miss having someone give him their honest and thoughtful consent. It made him feel a tiny bit less like a monster.

That got him thinking. Despite himself, he started to formulate a plan, purely hypothetical, of how his next feeding session with Annabelle could go. She had asked him to come back to her when he was ready to initiate things again and had said that they could do things his way if they wanted to. He had genuinely appreciated that. There was something dominant about him that was asking to be satisfied. Every time it came down to the act of feeding in the past, Jasper had been violent and dominant. Until Annabelle came along and offered herself to him, that is. That had changed things. Jasper had become what was for him, very submissive. Nothing wrong with that, of course, but it wasn't what he wanted to be doing all the time, every time.

He was curious, also, about how far he could push Annabelle's boundaries. She was the one who always wanted more and he had been holding back. He knew very well what he was physically capable of and what his Beast demanded of him. The thought of challenging Annabelle, daring her to keep up with him intrigued him. By the time Jasper finished planning the night he had in mind, he knew that he might regret it forever if he didn't try it. The worst that would happen was Annabelle would say no. He might be a little disappointed, but that was nothing new. He waited another few nights, then decided to set his plan in motion.

Annabelle was on her way home when she thought she heard something behind her. She paused, straining her senses, searching for something unseen. At first, there was nothing, then she heard Jasper’s disembodied voice in her ear. “Hey.”

She jumped. “God...!”

“No, just me.” Jasper sounded highly amused.

“Jasper, what are you doing?” She hissed, annoyed at being startled like that.

“I was going to ask you...” he started, then hesitated, possibly reconsidering his words. “Would like to come over tomorrow night for another round?”

Annabelle felt a ghost of a touch on her neck and shoulder, right where he had bitten her last time. She shivered and something deep in her core twisted in the memory of pleasure. “Uhhh... sure,” she said faintly. Her mouth was dry and she swallowed. “Can I ask why? I thought you might not want to any more.”

“I’d been thinking,” Jasper said in her ear with a light snarl, “that there are a few things I would like to try with a consenting individual such as yourself, and I don’t know when I will get the chance to do them again. I would be a fool to not ask.” He put special emphasis on the word ‘consenting.’ His voice was soft and sensual, unusually so, but it was undercut with a thirst that Annabelle recognised.

“Okay, um... how about I come over tomorrow and we’ll talk about it and... see where we go from there,” she said.

“Alright. Come by 3:00,” Jasper replied, “and bring those little plastic candles. And yes... you may sleep over as well.”

Annabelle nodded. “See you then.”

“Oh, one last thing...” she felt Jasper’s lips on her ear and she shivered again, despite herself. “In the meantime, can you think of a safe word, please?”

Annabelle’s eyes went very wide. What on earth could he be planning that would need a safe word? “Uh...” she stammered.

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course. Well, I have to, for us to do this, right?”

“We don’t have to do this,” he reminded her.

“I know, but... I want to.” Annabelle swallowed nervously and steadied her nerves. “Okay. I’ll think of something.”

“Alright. See you tomorrow.”

She didn’t hear him leave, but she hadn’t heard him approach either. She stood there in mild shock for another little while with her hands over her mouth and cheeks. She cursed herself for being as excited as she was. This was going to be very, very interesting. She hurried the rest of the way home.

When Annabelle arrived once again at Jasper's sanctum the next night, she had her bag with her with the plastic candles and her laptop in it. She had fed earlier, as much as she could without killing any one. She was almost beside herself with nervous excitement. Part of her thought that she should be more apprehensive, that she should let someone know where she was just in case things went bad. But she trusted Jasper. He had been very good to her so far, very good indeed, and he didn't seem to want to ruin this relationship they had going. She trusted the control he had over himself. She still believed that, over-all, he wasn't a bad guy.

She knocked on his front door. Jasper answered it quickly. He had been waiting for her in the passage way on the other side again. He was wearing a different black hoodie this night. This one had fewer layers and just a straight zipper up and down. It was casual. Easy to get into and out of. Interesting.

They smiled at each other and Jasper invited her in. She followed him closely back down the long passage way, though she was sure by now she had the route memorised. They caught up with a little small talk. As they got closer to his rooms, Annabelle could hear faint music. It was classical, something with an orchestra and a choir. They weren't singing in English... Latin, maybe? Annabelle wasn't as knowledgeable on her classical pieces. “You're playing music?” She asked, pleased and surprised.

“Yeah, to set a mood.” Jasper smirked at her. She recognised her own line that she had used on him last time she was here.

“Oh, I see,” she chuckled. “What is it?”

“Mozart’s Requiem in D Minor.” Jasper licked his fangs. “Tell me... have you learned Blush of Life yet?”

“Um... yeah. Yes, I have.” Annabelle had used it very successfully around Elleanore. It gave her a pulse, warmed her skin, let her breathe and otherwise seem almost entirely human again. Annabelle tilted her head a little at Jasper, slowly working out what he had planned. “Why?”

His grin was sharp. “I would like you to use it tonight.”

“Oh... yeah, sure. Right now?”

“If you'd like, or we can wait until we get to the bedroom.”

“I'll wait,” she decided. So far, she liked where this was going.

In the bedroom, they set up her candles on the floor as they did last time. The room was soon full of artificial, warm candlelight. The classical music continued in the background, unobtrusive.

“Did you decide on a safe word?” Jasper inquired.

“Yeah. Um... are you familiar with the stoplight method?”

He considered it. “Red, yellow, green?”

She nodded. “Yeah. Green means go, yellow means slow down, and red means stop. It's basic, but effective.”

Jasper nodded. “Alright. We're going to use that tonight. Unless I hear you say 'yellow' or 'red,' I'm going to assume that everything is green.”

“No gags, then, please,” Annabelle specified.

“No,” Jasper agreed. That had never been a part of his plan for tonight.

Annabelle kept glancing at his fangs while he spoke. She couldn’t help it. His eyes had a hungry and excited gleam. She suspected that he and his Beast were working in near harmony tonight. Well, they had their safe word in place. Everything would be okay. She was feeling brave and keen to see how far Jasper was going to push things tonight.

When she was ready, Annabelle nodded and slipped off her red jacket, as was their custom by now. She had worn the good bra again. Jasper recognised the shape of it under her thin tank top. He snarled a little when he smiled.

“On the bed, please,” he gestured to the bed. Annabelle complied, her lips twitching into a little smile. She sat on the bed, then lay back. As she did so, she activated Blush of Life. Her Beast stirred a little, but was still mostly dormant. She glanced at Jasper. He was staring at her with an expression of incredible desire. He came over to her and sat on the bed. He held her hand and seemed to marvel for a few seconds at its warmth. Annabelle's body fell back into the natural rhythm of breathing. Jasper felt her pulse in her wrist. His fingers were very cold by comparison, and felt very dead. He snarled to himself, pleased.

“I don't have Blush of Life,” he explained softly. “I never bothered to learn how to do it. I mean... why would I? Who am I going to try to convince that I'm alive?”

“You still could learn,” Annabelle said. She could think of at least one person he might have used Blush of Life on, if he could, but bringing up that person was very likely going to ruin the mood, so she didn't.

He shook his head. “I could, but it's doubtful.” He seemed to be enjoying just feeling her hands for a moment. The classical music swelled and faded into a new piece of a similar feel to the last, but a faster tempo.

Jasper moved suddenly. With little warning, he was on top of Annabelle, straddling her hips. He had one knee pressed on either side of her ribs. He wasn't very heavy, especially not for a Brujah's strength to support. Annabelle's insides quivered in anticipation. She felt vulnerable, but she remembered all she had to do was say one or two words and he would stop. She understood finally what he had been planning. Jasper looked down at Annabelle, his icy eyes boring into hers. Her heartbeat sped up considerably. Her face flushed. She met his gaze, excited but steady. The degree to which she wanted this to continue bewildered her.

Slowly now, he peeled his hood off his head. Then his hands went to the zipper in the front of his hoodie and he slowly began to tug it down. Annabelle's eyes went wide as Jasper's chest was exposed. He was built of nothing but lean muscle. His flesh was as pale as death save for the starkly contrasting mass of black veins that criss-crossed his body like an insane roadway map. He had no body hair. He unzipped the hoodie down to the bottom, but didn't take it all the way off. This was a compromise, she realised. She had wanted to see what he looked like under his layers for a while, and he had always said no. This was an in-between he was allowing her.

She gave him a warm smile, but when she reached to touch him he stopped her. He gripped one hand in each of his and leaned down over her. He pinned her warm hands and wrists down with his deathly cold hands to the mattress above her head. He continued to watch her, as if daring her to say 'yellow' or 'red.' She didn't. His grip on her was strong. Their faces were close now. Annabelle was breathing hard.

Jasper bared his fangs and growled at her, as if trying to scare her. He was the monster from myth and legend, the deadly black shadow with razor sharp fangs who stalked helpless people at night and she was the young, naive victim. He was perhaps even trying to provoke her one last time into saying their safe word. She did look scared for a moment. There was fear in her eyes, in her Beast, but still she didn’t say either of the words that would make Jasper pull back. A true victim, she was no longer. Annabelle was allowing this to happen.

“Green?” he rasped, edging towards losing control.

“Green,” she nodded and tilted her head to expose her neck. Blood, warm blood, flowed there, and some of it at least, was his for the taking.

The music swelled again in the background as the choir reached a melodramatic crescendo. With a hungry snarl Jasper bit Annabelle hard in the throat. She gasped at the pain. Jasper had good aim. His long, wicked fangs had landed right on her jugular. He bit deep, and his mouth filled with Vitae. She was as sweet, strong and aroused as always, but this time her blood was body temperature. Jasper had never had warm Vitae from another Kindred before. His Beast exalted. He began to drink greedily, keeping an ear open for Annabelle wanting to end this early. He hoped she would not.

The pleasure of the Kiss soon followed, radiating out over Annabelle's body and making her moan. Her eyes rolled back in her skull. She flexed her arms against Jasper, but he still held her down, firmly pinning her to the mattress. Her body, still under the influence of Blush of Life, reacted as it normally would have to intense pleasure. Her heart hammered in her chest. Her pulse raced, sending vital blood into Jasper's hungry mouth. Her brain was very soon dizzy, but she didn't care. Her Beast scrambled, but was soundly ignored in the overwhelming wave of sensations. Annabelle didn't know if it was because of this new, intense situation or the anticipation that had led up to it, but the pleasure this time was near orgasmic. When she felt Jasper bite a little harder in his enthusiasm, it crossed that threshold and she crested with a cry. Annabelle's body trembled uncontrollably underneath Jasper's from her core outwards.

Jasper lingered on Annabelle's throat for a moment or two longer, then pulled his head back with a snarl. His fangs and tongue were painted a deep crimson. Annabelle only barely noticed this. She shivered when he licked her wound closed and he thought he heard her whimper. His Beast whispered at him to continue, that this had been the best he ever had, but he clenched his jaw and ignored it.

Jasper sat up and let her hands go. She didn't move them. She lay there still, breathing hard, eyes closed. Each exhale had a little moan attached to it. He watched her chest heave up and down for a minute. The music faded and changed again to a soprano singing backed by strings and a piano.

Annabelle opened her eyes and saw Jasper watching her. He was still straddling her hips. She smiled up at him. “Wow,” she mumbled. She lowered her hands and rested them on his knees on either side of her body. Jasper didn’t mind. He chuckled at her reaction. “I... mm...” Words were failing her as her blood-deprived brain swam in a haze of endorphins.

“Good?” Jasper confirmed.

Annabelle still couldn’t speak, but she nodded.

Jasper slid carefully off of her and sat on the bed next to her. He hadn't taken a lot of Vitae this time, but what he had taken was potent indeed. His head was also filled with endorphins, mainly from her, but he didn't have the Blush of Life to let his body do anything about it.

“I can't believe you let me do that,” he chuckled softly. He re-zipped up his hoodie, but only part way. He left the top third or so of it open. “I thought for sure you were going to stop me when I pinned you down.”

Annabelle stretched and smiled at him. Other than an internal scolding from her Beast, she was content, still reeling slightly from the pleasures she had been through. “But I didn't.”

Jasper relaxed down next to her on the narrow bed as best he could. He found himself playing a little with her long, black hair. Their bond had deepened again, he knew. At that moment, in that place, he did not care. “You liked it... rather a lot,” he remarked, still amused. His fangs, when Annabelle saw them, were clean now.

“Yeah...” Annabelle marvelled. She covered her face with her hands as embarrassment washed over her. The pleasure this time had been too, too much. “Oh my God!” he heard her muffled giggle.

“What?” Jasper inquired, though he was fully aware of what had happened to her body and why. He was having fun.

Annabelle peeked at him through her fingers. She was grinning. “Is that what you had planned?” she demanded.

“More or less, yes. I'm glad it worked.”

Annabelle groaned softly. “Did you know about... that I would...”

Jasper smirked. “I kind of suspected... but no, but it was a pleasant surprise.” He stroked a cold, pale hand down her arm to her chest, where it settled over her still-beating heart.

“Boy, I'll say,” Annabelle agreed.

Feeling Annabelle's magically enforced heartbeat made Jasper get very quiet and suddenly a little introverted. His eyes found the gold locket hanging around Annabelle's neck and the silver ring on her finger and he pulled his hand back. He got up and went to turn off the music and the lights so that they could settle into bed.

When dawn broke over the City of Angels, the majority of the population arose to begin their day of work and school and life, but Jasper and Annabelle were once again literally dead to the world. The two vampires shared the little bed, holding each other. Where their relationship would take them now, neither of them knew, but in that moment at least, they were content.

#l.a. by night #la by night #vampire the masquerade #fanfic #fanfiction #jasper/annabelle #i think this is my favourite part so far #vampire smut #jaspabelle #jasper #annabelle #times jasper fed from annabelle

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yuckubus · 7 years ago

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disclaimer: i love all my mutuals and respect their opinions, y’all will be missed if you decide to unfollow after i pour my judgmental heart out

1. the most well-rounded member of bts, is hoseok. yall can argue that it’s jk, but i said what i said

2. minghao with a mullet is godtier; out of all the male idols with mullets, he is The king.

3. speaking of seventeen, a lot of their songs are very edm-inspired but it works really well for them

4. woozi deserves recognition for the songs he produces, like i really hope he gets an award for his production skills bc he’s amazing

5. i feel like most wonwoo stans, stan him for his beauty and not his talent (which, he’s not a bad rapper)

6. that being said, i wish he (wonwoo) played around a little more bc his flow is kinda predictable. not only that, but he can do more than just rap lowly and get loud.

7. seokmin/ dokyeom > jungkook, in terms of vocal ability. he’s just better

8. imo, in terms of like younger groups i guess? leader wise, namjoon is the best leader. im not saying other group leaders like scoups, for example, are bad at their abilities to lead, but i think nj really is.

9. spring day, don’t leave me, the truth untold, best of me, and whatever else yall try to advocate as good songs...are not good. they dont do anything for me. sorry

10. also just one day is the superior rnb bts song.

11. house of cards didn’t deserve all the hype it got. like, its good but it hasnt done anything for me since i heard the full version.

12. while im not as into got7 as i used to be, ya’ll took all the stuff that happened with got7 and RAN lol like yall really went in on them and still do and it’s sorta.. annoying? like i get why people do not like certain members (i really do!!) but its tired now. it has been for a while

13. speaking of got7, if they did more stuff like just right (since it worked so well for them) and the flight log trilogy, ESPECIALLY turbulence, it would be effective

14. I dont know why people think lucas from nct is so dumb, he just has moments

15. speaking of lucas, i dont see any purpose for him in nct. he doesn’t provide anything special or new except some personality and physical beauty.

16. sm either needs to get rid of some members of nct, or really talk to these niggas bc he doesnt seem to care about anyone but mark, taeyong, jaehyun, and doyoung...and sorta lucas

17. jungwoo is a product of taemin. either that man is his father, or he’s a relative.

18. in terms of like newer and young rappers, mark lee is the only one with some potential; sometimes, he lacks, but he really is the only one

19. jaemin and jeno ended and revived kpop with their verses in Go!

20. chanyeol and sehun go off in some exo songs, especially forever. they’re still not great rappers.

21. exo has the better vocal line and bts has the better rap line. i just ended every pointless, unnecessary fanwar.

22. the exo l x army beef is so..stupid like all of y’all look childish. deadass. it’s never that deep unless both sides really said some serious shit and, most cases they dont so literally shut up lol

23. astro’s danceline are amazing

24. JEALOUSY BY MONSTA X? SLAPS. HARD

25. kihyun’s voice is absolutely beautiful and deserves that recognition bc he really has such a beautiful voice

26. Pentagon’s first album is THAT first mini album. if you havent invested time in it, please do

27. like the wonwoo thing, mingyu and wonho stans only stan these boys for physical attractiveness. I see something all the time (on twitter) anout wonho’s body and not really much about just him. this sounds fake deep, but forreal

28. stan twitter in general has great memes and stuff, but they are quite literally, the worst set of fans i have ever seen. facebook fans and instagram fans are just evil too but stan twt is satan.

29. in terms of talent level in twice...there’s 9 girls and only 4/9 really do something. i do love them though

30. tzuyu is great and shes so pretty but that’s it. the personality and everything else, where is it

31. imma be honest, i think chaeyoung is the prettiest

32. kyla isnt coming back to pristin, we all know this. it’s just time to face it

33. people only care about like 5 members of pristin, and theyre all in pristin v...there was a reason for their creation lol

34. miss shannon, aka sungyeon, of pristin? she’s got lungs and deserves to be seen as more than just her round face

35. MISS JOY is That member of red velvet

36. i dont think this is unpopular, but all the good rapper idols would be so much better if they just didnt sink into a niggaboo phase

37. ALL MEN WHO RUN ENTERTAINMENT COMPANIES (I.E. JYP, SM, YG, HITMAN BANG, AND WHOMEVER ELSE) ARE EVIL. IDC

38. i dont,...really care for jennie; she overdoes the cuteness sometimes

39. rose would be so much more powerful if she dropped the sza syndrome (I hope this isnt offensive, if it is please let me know)

40. if wendy wasn’t the leader and main vocalist of red velvet, her ass would have already been gone for that crap she pulled again

41. girl groups? are just as low down and dirty with their racism and antiblackness but that stuff gets hidden really well unless you look it up...or are mamamoo

42. IOI SHOULD HAVE LIVED LONGER THAN WANNABE. no one wants to hear that shit, ioi was giving us bops but after that year was up, they couldnt wait to get rid of them...but wannaone still exists. ok

43. all the my idols are gay legends stuff is kinda annoying now... like...you dont know their actual sexuality, so stop trying to justify your weird ass argument with proof from 1997, it’s not cute (this could be said about yoongi, but i mean in general)

44. people dont see holland as more than his sexuality, and what i mean by that is, a lot of people dont care about him or wont until he starts interacting with male idols, so people can start shipping them with him

45. kpop stans do women involved with male groups so fucking dirty, like ya’ll cannot wait to tear them down due to your insecurities as a fan. You’re not marrying any of them, so pipe the fuck down

46.nonblack stans, especially on twitter, dont really care about black issues lol yall do that fake oh my god im so sorry :( then use some form of aave with ?????????? and then move on.

47. IF KPOP GROUPS WOULD JUST ACKNOWLEDGE AND PROPERLY APOLOGIZE ABOUT THEIR PAST ACTIONS, MAYBE WE CAN LEARN AND MOVE ON; BUT THEM AND THEIR COMPANIES REFUSE TO. it’s like trying to feed a baby who doesn’t wanna be fed

48. people are allowed to still be upset about an idol’s past actions. it is valid ESPECIALLY if you are a fan of color. You are also allowed to unstan and not explain yourself bc no one’s gonna beat your ass for it.

49. these idols and their companies dont really care about their fans as much as they want y’all to believe. i believe they care to a degree, but it’s exaggerated

50. none of yall are family; you can say it a million and six times, but you really only believe that if you are not a person of color.

51. ya’ll do not know these idols like you think you do; they choose what they want you to show, even in their “RAW” shows; they are not going to let you see them in their 100% real self, ya’ll are strangers to them

52. being on kpop social media is exhausting, and idk how any of yall are able to do it 24/7. kpop is not that interesting enough for me to be around all day and all night.

53. Idol groups that play instruments deserve the world

54. that being said, i hope that n.flying, day6, and the rose get recognition because they’re out here being multi-talented, funny, and good looking.

i have more opinions but these are ones i could think of. anyway, hope yall enjoyed my ranting.

#if i find this anywhere near twitter im fighting #mine #kpop

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neonstatic · 6 years ago

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(transcripted convo)

i’m reposting a discussion i had w a terf. i previously posted screenshots but she messaged me and said she didn’t want her url or avatar displayed. editing the pics to post them again was hell so i’m posting a script instead (i learned my lesson tumblr: you suck). if anyone ends up finding the convo and thus the redacted speaker... idc. this is a public website and we technically had this convo in public - the notes of a post aren’t private spaces afaik. i’m posting this as proof that sometimes calmly reasoning with ppl lead to nothing. (i know anyone could say the same but lmao leave me alone.)

tw for transphobia/transmisogyny

[redacted] (speaking to a transmasc discourser about the "woman path"): Ok let me explain what I mean :) if your experience was totally different then thats fine :) im 24 and when I was little i was encouraged to play with dolls and learn 'motherly things' like playing with baby dolls while my brother played with toy trucks. There was a lot of pressure at school to wear dresses, and be sweet and polite. @[transmasc discourser] then of course, learning to deal with periods and the shame and taboo around them. Removing body hair because its considered unladylike. Etc

@[transmasc discourser] have you had none of those experiences?

neonbaebae: these are all common experiences for women bc of gender roles/stereotypes but none of that defines womanhood as an identity.

[redacted]: completely agree they are gender roles. But menstruation isnt a gender role. Its a frustrating part of being female. But that said, what IS womanhood then?

(rest under cut)

neonbaebae: menstruation is a biological function that is in no way exclusive to female bodies. remember intersex ppl, who come in all forms and shapes. women aren't all the same and it's likewise for men. there are intersex women who don't fit all the criteria for being "female" yet still identify as women. there is a distinction to make between womanhood as an experience and womanhood as an identity.

the woman experience is what you've described. the woman identity is feeling like one, e.g.: liking female-coded clothes, makeup, hairstyles, feeling comfortable in the societal role of being a woman. identity is essentially abt self perception most of the time

[redacted]: intersex is unique and I respect that not all womens bodies are the same. Intersexuality is complex but it doesnt represent the majority of biological women. I dont have a strong baclground in intersex knowledge so I'm certainly not gonna speak on behalf of intersex women. so if identity is self perception (which I completely agree with) how can a biological man self perceive his femaleness.if he's never experienced it?

neonbaebae: trans women never identify with being male and all in entails. and they can see, thru watching women counterparts and how they interact with the world around them, that they id more w the idea of womanhood and much less w the idea of manhood. it's esp why dysphoria often settles around puberty bc the dissonance manifests physically and that's harder to handle

[redacted]: but what youre talking about is what trans women see women do. If thats what someone aspires to, its a very basic and narrow understanding of what womanhood is. Its only what they see. And people are far more complex than this. Does a biological male aspire to periods stigma, beauty conformity and lesser social stance in the world? Or do they aspire to femininity? Something many biological women dont feel comfortable with

neonbaebae: womanhood as an identity is a feeling that is strengthened by a disconnection to manhood, its polar opposite. someone who completely rejects the idea of being man is likely to prefer being a woman (not always but likely!). many trans women do aspire to femininity and it has nothing to do with the cis women who are uncomfortable w it, just like there are many cis women who embrace it too.

many trans women cannot quite explain their transition in another way than "being a man felt wrong but being a woman feels right and authentic to my true self". i'd suggest to ask an actual trans woman for her pov tho since i'm not one, i'm just basing myself on what i've heard them say

[redacted]: but feeling disconnected with manhood (which is understandable and gender roles are frustrating) doesnt make someone the opposite of a man. As society we need to open our understanding of gender expression. But this isnt the same as thinking 'if I dont feel like a conventional man or connect with male social expectations, then I must be the opposite'. Theres no logic in that

we live in a world where gender stereotype binaries are considered natural, and people who dont fit this understandably feel marginalised. In fact Id argue to a greater or lesser degree, none of us truly fit the prescribed gender binary.

but i find it problematic when a man thinks they're a woman based on what they think 'woman' is.

neonbaebae: you're right in saying that a disconnection from manhood doesn't make someone a woman - a connection to womanhood does. it has v little to do with the upbringing of women which you seem to define thru misogyny and menstruation alone which is frankly a pessimistic view of womanhood. it's less not feeling like a conventional man and more not feeling like a man At All. tru it doesn't sound logical but gender is not logical it's abstract and complex

it seems problematic bc one might think men would gain smth from iding as women but stats show that trans women are at higher risk of assault for being out and open, both of bc of misogyny (not directly related to having a vagina or menstruating after all) & transphobia. it's esp telling that trans men aren't targeted as much. do you disagree w trans men as well?

[redacted]: but as a women i dont connect with womanhood. Lol i am a women. It would be nice to think we live in a world where women are equal, but that's not the world we live in. Womanhood is hard. And we do live under a patriarchal society that's cultivated female inferiority over many centuries. We're still negotiating freedoms today.

Its not about gaining or loss. Its about the male right to self define womanhood on their terms, without the biological or social conditioning. In fact, many have recieved MALE conditioning as children. This comes with its own privileges.

I think transmale is a very different experience so no I categorise them very differently to transwomen

neonbaebae: "as a woman" you say. even if the experiences and stereotypes don't fit you perfectly, even if you reject it, you still id as a woman. you feel like one and you suffer the consequences of being one. believe it or not trans women suffer from iding as a woman as well and thrice as harshly. i can provide sources if you want.

trans women don't think like men bc they feel like women. the thought patterns are different. they don't digest the social messages abt men bc their mind doesn't relate to it. male entitlement and all doesn't apply to them. and in sociology alone womanhood is often defined as more than a biological or upbringing thing. it's a social identity and trans women have a right to it if they don't id and reject manhood altogether

my question tho was do you think trans men aren't men either cus otherwise that'd be hypocritical

[redacted]: my point is its not an identity. Its a reality. Im a woman. I have xx chromosomes and the world treats me as such. Similar to my race. I dont identify as my race, i am treated as the world sees me.

male entitlement does apply. Statistically baby boys are fed for longer than baby girls. And little girls are left to cry for longer than baby boys. Little girls learn many motherly caretaker roles while many of their male counterparts are encouraged to conquer the world. Children are raised by gender. Even subconsciously. I can also provide sources :)

there are many more male leaders and men in authoritive positions in the world. Women fight very hard for the same respect, but womens voices are less valued. It takes no genius to see men have greater standing in the world

about transmen. No I dont consider them men but I'll respectfully use the pronouns anyone prefers, male or female. Its common decency.

I think society needs to get more comfortable with non confirmative gender expression

neonboobear: but it is an identity. that's why there's a distinction between sex (bio) and gender (identity & expression). if it would feel wrong for you to be called a man or nonbinary then that'd be bc you don't id as such. (also there are women with chromosomes other than xx maybe you should avoid phrasing it that way.) i id as my race but race has v different roots & impact than gender historically and it cannot be compared. let's stick with gender.

and i'm not denying gendered socialization but it doesn't shape a child more than their personal feelings on their identity, which can differ v early in life bc (some) would rather engage in activities associated with the opposite gender for example. if it were that simple trans ppl wouldn't go at lengths to "play the part"

you're right society does need to accept gender non conformance but that's v different from the trans experience. i rly think you should have a deep conversation with a trans person to try and see their pov

[redacted]: if womanhood is an identity, it totally invalidates what it means to be female. And yes its arguable that there're are women who arent xx but how about the majority of the population that are. Must we pander to the few at the expense of the majority? also what makes you assume I dont talk to trans people? Critique doesnt mean lack of empathy.

Children and gendered socialization is complex. Maybe if 'feminine' activities werent coded as female and just 'childhood play' we wouldnt have the same degree of dysphoria. It goes back to the irrational logic, 'if I like the pink toy section then I must be a girl.'

neonboobear: i'm afraid that is your pov for the ideology that womanhood is an experience but also an identity is considered a v valid theory in the science field. the fact that there are women with chromosomes other than xx is proof alone that xx chromosomes aren't what makes a woman. and i've suggested a deep conversation and an intention to Understand the Other. not just a talk. i said nothing abt empathy.

there would be less dysphoria but i'm sure it's still be there. many think the abolition of gender would solve everything but i doubt so

[redacted]: i have a close mtf friend and we have the debate constantly. We don't always agree with her but there's a lot more common ground then you might expect :) Gender roles damn us all. Hmmmm... abolition of gender is impossible but theres is a lot that can be done to challenge gender expectations. But not an easy battle! neonbaebae: i mean this with the least offense okay but i sincerely think neither of you should be friends. i’m black and i’d never befriend a racist. that’s a lack of self respect on her part and a plain lack of respect on yours.

i’d like to end this conversation here. i’ve said my point and i’d only repeat myself by continuing. and since i’m not a trans woman i don’t want to misinterpret them (so sorry if i’ve already did. trans girls feel free to bring up clarifications). might sound tedious but i strongly suggest you watch this 50-min long video essay by youtuber contrapoints. her vids are informative and entertaining and so v easy to digest despite the length. i’ve heard she’s not v liked in terf circles but it’s worth it to listen to what she has to say as a trans women.

#transphobia #transmisogyny #convo transcript #long post #anti terf

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issuedsideways · 4 years ago

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bro theres gotta be a way to get SOME stony into 22350 like.

im reeling at the idea that i would write a whole ass fic that goes into tony’s childhood THAT much and then not ever let him suck captain america’s dick at ALL? like even if they dont date (because, i really feel like steve would be a bit too uncomfortable being one of three, if he didn’t come first) there’s got to be SOMETHING they can do.

actually, though, now that im thinking about it... theres a little more... mm. some of the worst trauma periods where my interpretation of mcu!tony got his steve obsession fed and worsened... are times when butler can actually pick up the slack instead, and let him not like fixate entirely on steve in an unhealthy way! and since he manages to do that way back during college etc, tony might actually be like 50% more normal about steve here than in an mcu fic.

because like, mcu tony is NOT capable of being normal about steve, internally, imo. unfortunately mcu bungles this by being like “ooo team fight itself” but like. tony absolutely grew up with a crush on captain america and if you disagree you’re wrong, sorry. but that crush starts pre-college SO

butler can’t get in front of it entirely, but he can maybe, help prevent some of the more obsessive spiraling. so. okay. not fucking him is POSSIBLE but i still think. at least ONE post-mission bj is really the goal. like....

ohh, okay, after tony’s retired, his life’s slowed right down (except when artemis strays back into crime out of boredom) but steve still lives in his tower (its conveniently located! and he likes tony.) and sometimes he comes through the common areas because its just nice to have somewhere to go, even though theyre often, and of course... tony would see him in uniform and looking just a little beat up and he’d have a couple complicated feelings about it and then he’d just start flirting because. well. hes right there!! this is a fantasy straight out of teen tony’s dreams!! i think he should be allowed to go down on him, personally, and i dont think steve would actually argue all that much.

anyway i think thats got to happen just once. even if its just a oneshot thats not related, necessarily, to everything going on in the main fic, because it doenst MATTER.... i just cant imagine writing a universe where they dont fuck.

#speaking of issues #22350 spoilers

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thehowlpod · 5 years ago

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Episode 1 - Labradorable Transcript

Below is a full transcript of our first full episode. Sources can be found here

Hello, I’m Alaina and welcome to the very first full episode of the howl!

Our story begins on an island off the eastern coast of canada sometime during the 1600s. You see, the people of Newfoundland had a problem. Fishing was a big deal around these parts, it provided both income and sustenance to a large portion of the population, keeping them fed and enabling them to afford whatever it was people in 15th century canada spent their money on...which is all great. The problem was that Canada is cold and fishing generally takes place in or around the water and assuming dying of hypothermia was not the goal that sounds like a pretty unfortunate mix. While researching this I ran across words like ‘frigid’ and ‘icy slurrys’ and ‘sub-zero’ all of which I want nothing to do with.

What the fisherman of Newfoundland needed was a helping hand...or as luck would have it...paw. Dogs had always been an integral part of working life since they were first domesticated 20-40 thousand years ago so the concept was far from new. Most, if not all, of these men probably already had a dog or two who came to work with them regularly. The most popular available breeds was probably the most obvious; the newfoundland. Now Ill probably do a whole episode on these giant majestic slobber factories some other time but for now what is important to know is that while these babies were definitely built for the cold, harsh canadian landscape they are not exactly water-friendly. You see the thick, luscious fur that makes up their coat and keeps them nice and toasty on land has a nasty habit of weighing the animal down with freezing water and ice making them sluggish and uncoordinated. The second option was one of a number of smaller local working breeds brought over by settlers from wherever, most of which lacked the size needed for the labor-intensive job or the ability to deal with the wet, freezing conditions.

How exactly it happened is anyone's guess. Apparently people were too preoccupied with not freezing to death to make a proper record or something. Whether it was a particularly innovative fisherman or a spark shared between a Newfie and an ambitious local working dog over evening scraps is lost to history but either accidental or by design the result was going to change the world forever.

They were called ‘St. John’s Water Dogs’ or sometimes ‘Lesser Newfoundlands’ and they were like an answer to a prayer. Thick, short black coats that trapped heat but repelled water, with a characteristic white medallion on their chest these dogs quickly became some of the most common on the island. Medium sized but stocky they could easily bring in a fishing net or navigate the waters around a fishing boat with their powerful legs, webbed feet, and rudder-like tail. In addition to their physical prowess their friendly nature and intelligence quickly caught the eye of more than a few visitors. Joseph Beete Jutes, a british geologist and naturalist, took notice in his book Excursions In and About Newfoundland During the Years 1839 and 1840 Vol. 1,

"These are the most abundant dogs in the country...They are no means handsome, but are generally more intelligent and useful than the others... I observed he once or twice put his foot in the water and paddled it about. This foot was white, and Harvey said he did it to 'toil' or entice the fish. The whole proceeding struck me as remarkable, more especially as they said he had never been taught anything of the kind."

Now if you have never heard of a breed called the St. John’s water dog there’s probably two reasons for this. First, they don’t exist anymore. They went extinct in the early 1980s largely thanks to a tax meant to encourage sheep herding in the area. It limited the number of dogs a family could have and made owning a canine, particularly a female, to expensive for many locals.

The second reason is that it isn’t actually a breed. It was never officially recognized by any national kennel club and thus no formal breed standards or records were made. Groups of animals who have been selectively breed but lack formal recognition are called landraces and it’s the selective breeding part that differentiates them from random strays or mutts. This also means that any standard breed or landrace is technically a genetically modified organisms which is fun.

Now just because they aren’t physically with us anymore doesn’t mean they haven’t lived on in other ways. You see around the time Jutes was making his excursion, someone else took a faithful trip to the island of Newfoundland. A group of particularly sporty nobles, also from England, saw the Water Dogs at work and decided they absolutely HAD to have one too. These men brought a handful of lucky puppies back with them in hopes of creating the world’s greatest sporting dog...an ambition they actually achieved judging by the resulting breeds continued popularity with hunters and fishermen. The second Earl of Malmesbury was one of these lads and his son is credited as being the very first to begin actively breeding them.

In 1903 the Kennel Club recognized the group as an official breed, and the American Kennel Club did the same in 1917, though they were no longer called the St. John’s Water Dogs. The new breeds name was a homage to the Earl and his son and the original dogs they brought back with them all those years ago. You see the earls liked to show off what their dogs could do to friends and family and would affectionately refer to them as their ‘Labrador Dogs’, apparently uncaring that the canines came from Newfoundland and actually had nothing to do with Labrador. Geographical error or no the name stuck and the Labrador Retriever was welcomed into the club.

Today Labs are the most popular breed in America, and have been since 1991. They are among the most versatile working dogs on the planet, employed as everything from guide dogs to drug sniffers to search and rescue. But more than their intelligence the breed is most famous for their unbelievably friendly temperament, making them fantastic family dogs and popular with young kids.

If all of this sounds like a dream come true there is no shortage of reputable breeders out their, and unfortunately twice as many who arent. Always ALWAYS do your research before getting a dog of any kind, both of the breeder AND the breed. The more knowledge you arm yourself with when going into an interaction like this the better. Now my current dog, and all the dogs in my family, have always been rescues so my interaction with breeders is limited to the couple I have contacted in my current search for a new puppy, and I'm not in the market for a lab specifically, but i can pass on advice i got that helped me immensely. Always look at the parents, meet them if at all possible, and pay attention to temperament. With such a popular breed you have an almost never-ending list of possibilities, so if anything feels off or weird, pick someone else. One of the best ways to start off your search is to find someone with a lab who’s personality and look you like and ask them where they got them from, ask about how much follow-up they did, the application process, ect.

Also pay attention to the KIND of dogs they produce. Now this doesn’t apply to all breeds but with labs and any other breed with such a versatile skill set its important to know what exactly you want your dog to do and what they are being bred for. If you own a lab you may have been asked whether your dog is of the American or the English variety. This can actually have nothing to do with country of origin, a misconception that has led the Labrador Retriever Club (the official breed club as recognized by the AKC) to denounce these terms. What it refers to is the sort of genetic line the dog comes from. American labs or ‘working line’ labs are generally smaller, bred to spend their life out in the fields and focused less on adhering to the strict official breed standard required to win a dog show. English labs refer to ‘show’ or ‘conformation’ lines and generally have the characteristic block head and wide stance. Its a difference of style. So if you see this on a breeders website its always a good idea to confirm if they are referring to origin or style. This is important if you are looking for a particular look as well as activity level. If you just want a dog as a family pet and friend for your kids look for a breeder who specializes in family pets. You dont really need or want to shell out the money for a champion line duck dog or best of show winner if they are going to spend their life lazing about your house.

Knowledge can save you more than just a headache when it comes to puppy shopping, it can also save you quite a bit of money. Its kind of like shopping for a very cute car you also have to feed. Now I am not saying that breeders are sleezy or are trying to pull the wool over your eyes Most breeders are in the game for the love of the breed and out of a desire to spread that love. but sales is, at the end of the day, about making money. Knowing what is and isn’t ‘special’ or whether the asked amount is actually what your possible pup is worth can be priceless. The best example of this is the so called ‘silver’ lab. I have personally run into a number of people who have what they proudly proclaim is a ‘purebreed’ lab with a rare genetic mutation that gives their dog a gray or silver coat. Now, im not in the business of being the breed police and am not going to argue with them if thats what they want to think...but that doesn’t make it any less wrong. The only official colors, per the Labrador Retriever Club, that labs come in are yellow, black, and chocolate. It is genetically impossible for a pure bred labrador to be silver. Thats just science. If you want to read the exact genetic breakdown of why this is impossible, the Labrador Retriever Club as a pretty cool article I will post in my sources. Most likely what they have is a dog with a weimaraner somewhere in their family tree. And if thats what you want, or you just really like the look of the silver coat thats awesome. I mean weimaraners are crazy but thats neither here nor there. Im a huge fan of mutts, I think they are the best house pets anyone could ask for...just know thats what you are getting. A big part of a pure breed price tag is the fact that they are a pure breed, they have papers and a lineage, a carefully crafted history. Again, not to look down on mutts or silver labs, i'm just reporting the facts.

Physically labs are generally pretty healthy, if obtained from a reputable and responsible breeder, but there are a few things you want to look out for. Labs are at a higher risk of issues like hip or elbow dysplasia, heart disease, and some eye issues then some other breeds. The National Breeders Club recommends members test for genetic carriers of these issues in their breeding stock and if you dont see anything mentioned on a breeders website I would definitely ask. Bloat is another consideration, though this applies to any deep chested larger breed, and is immediately life threatening so talking to your vet about signs and symptoms is advisable. They also love food and will put pretty much anything in their mouths so keeping careful watch of their weight is a must, following the recommended feeding amounts on your food bag.

There are a couple more things to keep in mind when looking into any breed you might want to welcome into your home. First, Grooming. Labs are double coated, with a water-resistant top coat and a warm, thick undercoat...which means they shed. Like a lot. So weekly, sometimes daily brushing is advisable but even with that expect to be doing more then a little vacuming and lint rolling...or be like me and just embrace you new fur covered life. Now I dont have a lab, but Tallmadge is a 110 lbs shedding machine who, like a lab, has a coat that sheds year round. But there is a point, usually twice a year, where a dog will blow out its coat, or shed away their winter or summer coat to make way for the next seasons hot new look. Luckily other then that and your regular nail trimming and teeth brushing (yes, you should be brushing your dogs teeth) they dont really need a whole lot of grooming. Maybe a bath every-so-often when they roll in something particularly gross or after a day splashing in the local river but thats it.

Another big consideration is exercise. On their website the AKC or american kennel club makes the labrador retriever as needing a LOT of exercise and this is a recommendation I would take to heart for a number of reasons outside of the obvious health benefits of an active lifestyle. While labs sound like the perfect pup for any situation keep in mind that they are a working breed at heart. They thrive in an active and engaging environment, requiring regular outlets for their energy and intellect.

Lab puppies and young adults are known to be some of the most destructive breeds if left understimulated. Im talking about demolishing furniture, eating clothes, digging up years, destroying walls. Yeah. walls. I had a student whose family finally brought me after he chewed through their back-door and took himself for a walk around the neighborhood while they were away. Most people blame this kind of activity on separation anxiety, and while I am NOT an animal behaviorist and thus cant definitely say it isn't signing your dog up for a training class or joining a local walking club is WAY cheaper then shelling out for a behaviorist.

Now, the two main arguments I hear from lab parents are 1. We walk EVERYDAY sometimes for MILES and he still is crazy, or 2. I would LOVE to take him for a walk but Its a nightmare! She drags me around and barks at everyone! So, while walking is probably the most obvious form of exercise, or playing fetch or going to a dog park ect...these activities often ignore a huge part of why your dog might be acting out...they are BORED. Like with most intelligent breeds, if you don't give them something to occupy their mind, they will find a way to occupy it themselves.

Puzzle toys or a kong are a great way to keep your dog engaged and focused, but the best way to work out their brain is something very VERY near to my heart. You guessed it...Training. But keep im mind their high trainability is a reference to their potential not their natural state, meaning you must teach them what you want them to do and if you do that they will generally excel.

As a trainer I have had the pleasure of working with a number of labs, both from puppyhood on and starting as adults. It is always best to begin training as early as possible, BEFORE they can build any bad habits. Labs are mouthy, so working on proper socialization is a must. They are also known for being pretty glutinous, so treat based positive reinforcement generally works wonders, but focusing softening their mouth aka taking treats nicely, will save your hands a LOT of accidental pain later on. I also like to start working on leash manners a little earlier then normal with a lab. Breed standard for a full grown male lab is 65-80 ibs but its not uncommon to end up with a 100lbs + dog. Getting them to mind on a leash is WAY easier when you're not fighting against that much muscle. This is particularly true if you don't like the idea of using tools like prong collars or remote trainers and also want to keep your arms.

A 10 min training session can be as good as a 30-40 min walk when it comes to tiring your pup out, and while I would love it if you went out and supported a local trainer or joined a training club its something you CAN do by yourself at home. Trick training is fun and there are tons of sights out there with great ideas and step-by-step instructions. You can even earn your dog official titles as a trick dog from the comfort of your own home! Or teach your dog to do something useful. Tallmadge can get his own leash, my shoes, and his food bowl on command and learned how in just three evenings (and hes not the most...motivated...dog in the world) Finally there is the fantastic world of dog sports, which I will be doing an episode on fairly soon but in the mean-time feel free to shoot me an email if you want any more info because I could quite literally talk about this stuff forever...which is why I have...you know...a podcast…

Before I start wrapping this up i do want to remind everyone that dogs are all individuals. This has been a quick overview of a breed made up of millions of different dogs with different personalities, temperments, and experiances. They are living creatures with their own minds and feelings, and though it is very easy to think of them as possessions or to anthropomorphize their actions or motivations its important to take a step back and realize what you are doing. Everything a dog does, it does from a reason, free or malice or alterior motive. As a trainer I see this constantly both in pet parents and in myself, and I see just how dangerous this thinking can be. Dogs of all shapes and breeds are surrendered to shelters for behavioral problems their former owners where simply to lazy to address or because they weren’t willing to make the simple changes to there lifestyle required. There are perfectly legitimate reasons for surendering a pet, and my heart goes out to anyone who has had to make that choice and know that what im about to say does not apply to you…

Getting a dog is a huge commitment. It is a living, breathing creature who relies on you for everything. If you make the choice to go out and get a dog, weither it be from a breeder or a shelter, you had better be ready to put in the work. If there is something your dog does that you dont like, its up to you to fix it. Go out, get help, do the work. There is no easy solution, not magic pill. Dropping your dog off with a trainer and letting them put in the time will NOT solve your problems. I am a professional, everything I do and say, everything down to the way I stands or how I give treats is carefully cultivated and refined over years, both by me and those I have learned from. Yes, I can help lay those foundations, but unless you pay attention, unless you are consistant and continue where I left off, it will be useless. Training is a process, not a destination. The work is never really finished. And if that sounds like a headache you would rather not deal with...dont get a dog. I have yet to meet a single untrainable dog...only untrainable parents.

But honestly there are very few of those too. Most people simply dont know how or what to do, which is what im here for! So thank you so much for spending this time with me and I hope you will come back again for our next episode. Im still new to all this so im not 100% set on a release schedule, or how long these episodes should be, or even what you want me to focus on so if you have any feedback absolutely feel free to hit me up on social or via my email, which I will lay out for you in a sec. Im going to start off with releasing episodes every two weeks, so every other monday, to give myself enough time to make the best show I can. Before the credits I wanted to share a quick current news story, and stay tuned after the credits for one last little fact.

So here we go;

On April 29th the Washington Post reported that the University of Pennsylvania is working on training 8 Labrador Retrievers to sniff out SARS-CoV-2, the virus that causes Covid-19. According to the article, which I will link to in the show notes, it hasn’t been proven that this is possible yet but there is a fair amount of precedent. Dogs have been trained to sniff out things like drugs and other contraband and can even be used to detect other illnesses like malaria!

Check back for the answers in our next episode, which will feature my personal puppy starter guide and help answer common questions new puppy parents often ask.

So if you are a new dog-parent, or are about to get a dog and want any of your questions answered send me an email at [email protected]. Same goes for any general question, topic requests, or if you just want to say hi.

I also want to start a segment highlighting the real stars of this show...your dogs! If you want me to feature you and your pup send me an email, titled ‘Pack Pups’ to my email detailing you and your dogs love story, bonus points if you include pictures I can post on our instagram. Again the email is [email protected]

This podcast is (obvious) free but if you want to help support me and by extension my four legged children I also run an Etsy shop called MonochromeFalconShop, all one word, where I sell stickers, keychains, and (more recently) face masks. I plan on adding some dog themed items as soon as I finish ironing out a few final design kinks. You can find me on etsy at www.etsy.com/shop/monochromefalconshop

This episode was written, researched and produced by me, Alaina York with additional moral support from Tallmadge and Meeko. Background cat sounds provided by Bumper. Full episode transcripts and list of sources can be found on our Tumblr; TheHowlPod.tumblr.com or in the google doc linked in the show notes. Follow us on Twitter @TheHowl and on Instagram @TheHowlPod. Please Rate, Review, and Follow if you feel like it and dont be afraid to say hi, I promise I dont Bite!

And finally, one last little treat;

Lab mixes are pretty common for obvious reasons and come in all kinds of shapes, sizes, and colors. Its not weird to walk into a rescue shelter and see many of these sweet mutts. But the more you meet the more you may notice a bit of an odd pattern...you see the most common color found among labrador mixes is not the classic yellow, its black. And yes labs do come in black, but per breed standard its a solid, unblemished black. These pups have a tiny splash of another color, a color not associated with labs at all...white. Specifically a small patch of white on their chest, often referred to as a medallion...giving them a look very similar to a particular, now extinct landrace of dogs who’s friendly disposition and sportsman’s spirit captured the attention of a british nobleman and, through its descendants, still captivates the world.

#the howl podcast #podcast transcript #labrador retriever #lab #dogs #dog podcast #podcast about dogs #the howl #episode 1

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deveharrington · 6 years ago

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I'm not your last anon but I have some background singers in my family. You pretty much stated this but sometimes you just have to pay the bills. You're a lucky background singer if you can create your own art on the side to fulfill yourself. (My sister can) How many times has my sister been on tour with people who are very famous but she doesn't exactly respect? Lots! She still does her very best to make the talent sound great. Anyway, not disagreeing just giving a real life perspective.

YEAH!!!!!!!! OK thank you for this perspective, anon.

my response is massive so its under the cut and i’ll admit my mistake of jumping to conclusions thx anon

Ok to be fair maybe I am kind of asking for too much explanation and nobody owes me an explanation, I just realized this. I guess like if they are being paid to do a job and if they do their job properly and they show up etc. then who am I to ask for more if there is nothing to compensate for any extra artistic effort on their part and yeah I’m pointing the finger at David here basically lmao saying that clearly all of this has a beginning and end and yet David still wants to try to present it as otherwise.

“How many times has my sister been on tour with people who are very famous but she doesn't exactly respect? Lots!” Like, maybe this is just the reality and I’M the one who needs to get my head out of the clouds lmao I have no experience in this line of work. This puts Davids situation into an interesting perspective as well and then the question becomes…(because I must always take things to an extreme and ramble until I exhaust myself )

introspection: on the topic of “respecting or not respecting the source of the income”… I guess its not so black and white and easy to just say yes and no and I don’t know everyone’s personal situations nor do I have any right to make decisions for anyone so i’ll respect people’s decisions as long as they accept their repercussions and consequences in a responsible manner (This is why I have such an issue with David because ok I could even come to a point to begin to understand or maybe even accept his bad behaviour if he would own up to it truthfully and not just lash out and blame everyone and everything when he feels slighted or feels the need to come out on top of an argument he is inevitably going to lose because he cannot argue properly/RANt over lmao sry)

on “respecting the source of the income” OK first BUT HERE we have some red flags with David so ????!!!!! (but again most likely i am making a mountain out of a molehill so keep that in mind...) but i mean perhaps there is a difference here between your sister’s situation and whats happening right now because we can question the legitimacy of a certain someone touting themselves as a “singer” what i mean is... (the bolded part of the next point)

On business (+ David’s business comes across as messy): perhaps there is a difference between the stage persona that draws in the crowd and that is who you don't necessarily respect and there is separate business management who arranges the funding and thats who you are dealing with in terms of the labor and pay (idk how it works) BUT THEN - David’s quack “business” that he is running is separate from any corporation you might subject yourself to what i mean is that the business is messy and seems to not be run by professionals - red flag his manager is also quack but for now its all just flags… maybe your sister’s situation is not comparable to this one? Perhaps in situations where there is legitimate professional management there is more room to detach yourself/your feelings/your respect from the transaction because it is clean and laid out truthfully on the business level. But I don’t see Davids thing as clean even on the business level…. thats what i see .... so, only more questions arise for me) but that is coming from my experience and my beliefs can only stand my ground for myself but I’ll be sympathetic to other people’s experiences if they are in a situation they can’t really control. Again, I don’t know the ins and outs of this kind of career.

OR it could be that in real life David actually comes across as respectable and they are just responding in kind, noooooo idea. Idk, when I see interviews with him and the band its like he just treats them like a prop I don’t see much connection on a personal level but then again David carries himself in a subdued way so maybe its just that i’m not saying he’s being disrespectful or anything and maybe it all begins and ends as thats their job basically - just my perspective.

I’ll admit my mistake - jumping to conclusions (as always) and I don't want to assume that everyone doesn’t ideally want to respect who they work for/support so I tried to think of the root of my rambling and I think its this: I think it was me getting fired up after seeing media coverage of certain musical artists having their transgressions exposed all at once and having the conversation also spread out to the topic of enablers and like **** I DONT want to lay those kinds of allegations on David AT ALL especially since there is no smoke for that fire at all at all at all but **** It just made me think of how ANYONE (including artists that are legitimately very talented, hardworking, that you admire, that have stood to support things that you support etc.) can … sweep things under the rug or blatantly lie (including enabling that kind of behaviour and then turning and pretending to stand for something that they have no integrity to actually support) or turn a blind eye or support a “friend” till the bitter end or enable or normalize or rationalize (even and including to themselves) things like that all in the name of art or self preservation or who knows so thats what I mean.

but personal decisions are personal decisions and i’ll leave it at that because in the end i mean i keep pushing it but the sketchiness of everything still remains so… i’ll leave it because when people make up their own minds and we can all come to the same or at least similar conclusion/argument there must be some truth to the perception in some way anyways i was taking things to an extreme due to my paranoia / one million questions

d;lfaj;dal;kajk;fed so many “maybes” in this response I think it means I need a break from the overthinking anyways thanks anon

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survivorelara · 6 years ago

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Episode #6: “"NOT ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE" - Big Z

Even though I misplayed my idol, I cannot believe that my incessant need for wanting Toby gone actually fucking worked. Like. I will be taking the credit for this one because I just fed it to my peoples and had Loris know about it and just controlled his emotional vulnerability. I would have been good without having the idol either... so wig- I fucked up on that end but WOWZA it feels good to actually lead a vote, see the vote go the way you want, and have my target argue with someone who HE thinks started this revolution. Hehehehhehee

bruh im getting major Byzantium teas right now... where my og tribe gets decimated and only two of us actually make it to the merge. right now theres only 3 of us left and just like then if only 2 of us make merge we're gonna start off as swing votes, then everyone will target us. please don't let that happen Byzantium wasn't my greatest org experience

LMAO SO DANI THINKS WE ARE DEAD TO HER BECAUSE WE BLINDSIDED HER AT THE LOUISE VOTE? poor girl. you're playing a vivor org, get over yourself. you better pray to GOD we don't lose or that you have an idol... because your ass is done otherwise. one way or another, like I said before, only 2 zosma's max are making merge lmao…

In the middle of the challenge, so this confessional will have to be brief. I can definitely WIN this challenge, but I do question if that's the best for my game. The other tribe had a unanimous 6-1 vote, so now it's an even 3-3 split over there.

If we win, it's possible that either they'll go to rocks, or one of the Revati's will flip to save themselves? (Because it's unlikely the Auva are dumb enough to flip on one-another since that'd give us majority in the merge.)

However our tribe is currently a 3-2-2 split, and while I don't THINK the two sets of two are working together, I can't eliminate the possibility that they'd gang up on us to eliminate one of us and evening the numbers for the merge.

It's difficult to say where this whole tribe will end up shaking down, but I'm hoping to avoid Tribal if I can help it. The less Tribal Councils I go to, the more options I have going into merge because I won't have necessarily hurt any feelings by voting a particular way.

Well, I crushed the challenge, scoring all 5 points on my tribe, everyone was talking about how I carried them... which already has me worried given my history of being labelled a challenge beast after only having one good challenge.

But at the very least no tribal, I'm curious if we'll be merging at 12 or if it'll be some other number. Guess I'll know soon enough, but it's nice to have a break for a bit, and I think I'm doing pretty well on bonding with others so as to better my position.

Dylan still never talks to me. So ideally he'll be gone soonish, either by us losing the next challenge or him serving as an early merge boot. But even if he sticks around I doubt it'll be a major problem.

MY HOPE, for the other tribe is to send home Drew or Roxy (preferably Drew since I know Roxy and can work with that I think), to split up that Power-Pair as Drew was a fool for spoiling that. I don't really care who goes so long as the Revati's stay, and if we DO lose

Now if I could just find a damn idol... or SOMETHING.

HELLO LITTLE MIX AND NICKI ARE COLLABING I REPREARJT HHHHHH THEYRE COLLABBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jack Lawrence is so nice and so pretty. I would die for Jack. I would cry for Jsck. I will climb a mountain- and I hate walking. oh thats climbing I hate that too. Jack is nice Jack is kind. I shit on the Jack haters. He is just perfect. He could do nothing and still be thebest non-lead host. (Ya AJ shuttup) Anna Jane is PERFECTION. Erik is cutie she is cutie and I love AJ n Erik. She is hot and if I was gay i'd fuck. She is good listener and perfect and beautiful andeveryone get u a friend like AJ bc she is a BIG ASS MOOD in my life like stop being so perfect thanks

Sometimes I get confused about which day we’re on, so hopefully it’s day 14 lmao. The other tribe snatched Toby & I’m not surprised. Auva didn’t just make a mistake that will hinder themselves, but it will also affect what’s left of og Zosma. The Auvacados could’ve worked with Toby to start taking down Revati, but it would seem that they’re still out for vengeance. Toby was setup to be in a swing position, of course he’s gonna feel out both sides before choosing one. Now Auva is split with 3 on each side & I don’t see any of them flipping, unless og Auva is gullible again. Drew T. didn’t trust Revati either because he wasted an idol on himself even though Toby voted in favor of him. Flops.

Kori is legitimately a godsend. He c a r r i e d Revati in the challenge by scoring all 5 points that we needed to win. He says that he focused hard & waited for the messages to pop up which mind you were separated by intervals of several minutes in the span of 4 hours. Kori is a very humble dude & tries to downplay his capabilities, but he’s the GOAT. Maybe even the shield I needed. :O

I’m not too worried about Dani at this point in time. If Revati happens to lose then she would probably be the easiest to turn people against. Everyone participated in the music video challenge while she was the only one that did not, and she has a habit of sitting out. Sam told me that she hasn’t talked to him since the day we blindsided Louise & I’ve gotten the same treatment. Since I’m “dead to her”, I think that making a move against Dani pre-merge would benefit me in the long run. This would also change everyone’s perception of Sam and I to being non-threatening come merge as we don’t have the number

tea time sisters! toby was a king but was a threat and I have to see the benefits in him going. this tribal is going to be eventful I think... because I think I’m getting votes because roxy seems to really want me gone??? but i have a plan that I think will work :))))) I tell John to vote out drew t or roxy and I say that I know he doesn’t really want to vote out drew h so I’ll settle and sacrifice for drew t. if he’s fine with voting roxy then I tell him that I think I can get drew t to vote her too, and then we can vote him out next, when in reality we’ll vote out drew h next. if he wants to vote drew t now then I tell him me and z will do it too when hopefully z will vote out roxy with me and drew t instead because roxy is trying to get one of us out. ezpz . In fact we could even vote drew h. it’s all tea. I really hope z and John are loyal to me, I think z will be, and I think I can just play with me saying I trust you to John over and over. cute!!!! I stay winning... I can’t believe that I .. actually have a plan... that’s t it’s so easy idk why I couldn’t do this before my mind is just so powerful now? also auva idol is GONE and that’s fantastic and also I got legacy bitches!!!! only 7 more bitches need to go then I can use it :)

Soooooo half of this tribe is just completely inactive during the most important hours of this game prior to tribal. It’s SO FRUSTRATING because even if I want to make some sort of strategy with them it’ll take them at least 2-3 hours to reply to me. I cannot do this for too long. The other issue is that people are sooooo hesitant to throw names out, and when you do throw a name out literally EVERYONE hears that you started it and it gets turned on you. That happened to me when I said John’s name once to Roxy last tribal. I worry it’s about to happen to Loris suggesting Roxy too. We’ll see how it plays out, if I end up dying I’ll at least go on an active note rather than an inactive one.

THERE ARE TWO HOURS UNTIL TRIBAL AND LORIS IS THE ONLY ONE HERE

Whew another tribal and everyone is like absent again!? Wow we love productivity! Trademarked by the Celestial ORG! Please, come buy some productivity!

I hope we merge soon. My goal is to make it to merge without going to tribal. Idk how my tribe would pan out, we got a few inactive asf people. I dont have an idol but I really want one . tbh I'm so glad I took my break bc I'm not focused on winning im just focused on enjoying myself and my game while it lasts and I feel like its significantly improved my game.

Okay so Loris isn't talking to me but he's talking to other people so I'm being TOLD they're going for Roxy but I don't really believe it, I think if an idol is played, I'm dying courtesy of him and Z. Just gotta keep the faith in my people tbh

We doin big z vut doing loris kihhtve been better cause of her connections vut my nothing much I can do. I dint Rlly like the mrtge we r hesding into we r hella in minority

sometimes i forget im playing a org because all we do is win oh i got an idol btw hihihi

Honestly I am happy Toby went. HE WAS A BITCH! He wanted me out the the first round. Now to get Sam and Ciere out next. Expect Tea motherfuckers. Anyways, literally I have not talked a lot. I have gotten to know Kori. He is a shady fuck, I know that from past experience but I need him. I talked to Emma or Emmy or whatever the fuck her name is too. She seems really sweet.

ok so I think me and Ci'ere are bonding, which wow I never imagined that I would have a social game. I still haven't messaged Dani or Kori which is something I should do. The fact that they haven't messaged me, coupled with the fact that I'm alone on this tribe cements the fact that I am the obvious vote. Brb let me try to make connections.

SO we lost again, and my broken phone prevented me from participating in the challenge. Looking at this based on the challenge I should be leaving, buuuut I am going to be voting big Z out tonight, and because the auvas don't want rocks, they are going to do what I want. I have wanted this guy out from a game standpoint from the very beginning, but once you throw my name out there it's very hard to get back on my good side. Loris is going to be annoyed with me I am sure, he was trying to manipulate the situation between us but I could see right through the whole thing. I had a call with Roxy and she made an alliance with us and the two drews. She seemed to be worried that I would want to stick with loris and Z but I knew immediately what I wanted to do. I am really hoping that a merge will happen next, and that this move will not deeply affect me right away.

Big Z is voted out 4-2.

#episode #flyinghigh

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