#some heavy family issues came up at dinner and i just

[reidmania]

matilda | spencer reid

summary; when the topic of kids come up between you and spencer, you admit you are scared of being a mother & having your own family with spencer because of generational trauma and your childhood.

warnings; hurt x comfort, fears of being a mother, mummy issues, daddy issues, mentions of child abuse, slight bpd reference (not even a noticeable one) , fears of passing on trauma, both open up about fears, spencer talks about the schizophrenia gene, fem reader, established relationships, angst and a fuck ton of comfort

an; ME ME ME ME ME ME !! so based off matilda by harry styles just so u know if it wasn’t obvious!! to be honest this didn’t do the justice for me i wanted it to but i think bc my fear is so far implemented that comforting myself w a fictional character doesnt even work.

Maybe it was too soon.

A year long relationship. A year of spending every other day possible by one another’s side. A year of sweet nothings, giggly mornings, and soft kisses on the way out when leaving for work. A year of hand holding and three squeezes as silent I love you’s.

Maybe it was too soon to have the conversation about your future together. Too soon to talk about marriage, buying a home, settling down, having kids — even if it was just future planning. It’s not like either of you were planning on having kids now, or getting married right now, or buying a home now. Its not like it was ‘Im ready for more right now’ conversation. It was just a ‘Do you see more for us’ conversation yet it seemed to hold the same looming cloud over your head.

It was brought up when JJ came in with her newborn henry, you were there just visiting Spencer while he had some spare time. You weren’t expecting to be there for an extra hour, holding the newborn in your arms cooing at his every little movement, Spencer by your side, hand on your knee as he looked down on the sweet baby.

Then, you were asked if you wanted kids and you froze. You didn’t have time to even think about answering before Emily was saying how much of a great mother you would be. How you were just naturally good with kids. You laughed and brushed it off as Spencer smiled and squeezed your knee gently.

You handed baby Henry back to JJ moments later.

“Do you.. Not want kids?” Spencer asked later. It was after dinner, the rain outside was pattering against the window, loud enough to be heard over the sound of the tv which was playing a random documentary Spencer had put on. The question caught you off guard. It wasn’t that you hadn’t talked about kids with Spencer, just not seriously.

You turned your head to look at him, you knew this was probably a necessary conversation to have. You knew it was probably time to be honest yet that left a heavy weight on your chest and an overwhelming sense of nausea to your stomach — like the idea of having kids did.

“I don’t know.” You answered, honestly. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to have kids, you adored them, being around them, watching their wide eyes and curious faces when they got to that perfect toddler age when they were so curious about the world. You adored kids. It was that you didn’t think you could be a mother. Not a good one anyways.

Spencer’s face twisted into something, he shuffled a little on the couch, hands coming to rest on the back of it, behind your head as he sat up a little straighter. He didn’t answer, seemingly lost in thought, or a mental debate with himself. You could basically see the mental argument through his eyes and your chest fell.

“Do you?”

“Yes.” He answered instantly. You wanted to cry, you could actually feel the burning sensation in your nose because it felt like you were disappointing him. Normally — from your experience, people who wanted kids, longed for them, it wasn’t something they could pass off as fine without having. It was apart of their future lives.

“Oh.” It left your lips as your head dipped down slightly, wetting your lips as your mouth went dry. Your chest tightened with the crushing pressures of expectation and disappointment. His hand moved from the couch to tuck gently under your chin, lifting your head back to meet his eyes.

He looked at you like he was searching for something, and whatever it was he was looking for he seemed to find. “Is there a specific reason you don’t know?” He asked, voice gentle and steady, as if he knew.

“I don’t know” You answered again, it was unhelpful but the real answer seemed too heavy on your tongue to leave your lips. He tilted his head a little, his thumb gently running over your chin. “Okay. Thats okay.” He said, seemingly understanding your spiral of thought — or so you thought until he spoke again.

“Is— Is it me? Us?” He asked, as if you were doubting having kids with him, or a future with him. It was such a silly doubt you wanted to laugh because there was no way in the world, that was the last reason you would doubt your course of motherhood. Honestly, him being by your side made the thought a little lighter on your mind — not light enough.

You shook your head, “No, it’s not— Its nothing like that.. It’s just.. Me?” It came out as a question, a doubt more than you intended it too.

His eyebrows furrowed, hand moving from your chin to gently cup your jaw. “Do you want to tell me about that?” He asked softly, as if letting you know it was okay if you didn’t. That this conversation was entirely up to you and what you were comfortable with saying.

A huff left your lips as your head tilted to lean into his touch. “Have- Have you heard that saying? That the abused becomes the abuser, or hurt people, hurt people, or a household that once had an angry man will always have an angry man?” You rambled off the common sayings that only further installed the doubt that swarmed your mind and had since you were a teenager.

His features softened as he realised your point and what direction this conversation was heading towards, his thumb brushed over the soft skin of your cheek. “Mhm, a lot of abusers were also abused or experienced trauma in their childhood.” He nodded. Your frown deepened because you knew what he said was true.

“What if I become like them?” Your voice was quiet and barely above the whisper as the daunting fear left your lips, your eyes peered up at his. He didn’t need to ask who you were talking about, your parents.

He shook his head instantly, “You aren’t them.” He answered. You knew deep down he was right, but even looking in the mirror and seeing the features you shared with your parents made your stomach twist and chest carry a little heavier if you stared too long. When you noticed similar behavioural traits your mind would fog with self depreciation because of your hatred for them.

How could you ever love someone so similar to them, even if it was yourself?

“But what if I become like them. I feel like it’s wrong— and unfair for me to bring children into this world.. not when they could be so much like me.. Or like my parents.” You spoke, the earnest truth, no matter how much it hurt to say aloud.

His head further tilted and his heart ached at your words and the knowledge of your doubts, the way you viewed yourself as a second of your parents when from what he had heard you were so different. You were gentle and sweet, you had your moments like everyone did, but you weren’t them.

“I think any kid would be lucky to be like you. You’re gentle, caring, nurturing and dedicated. You show empathy to everyone— even those who don’t deserve it. Those are good traits for a child to develop” He spoke, listing off the numerous good things about you. It made your heart ache.

“But what about everything else? What if i pass.. My issues onto my children? Thats unfair. It would just be mean” You ushered out, mind swirling with doubts that kept you awake at night.

“Your parents endured a lot in their childhood, I know you know that. Their parents weren’t kind to them and your parents weren’t kind to you-You don’t have to feel bad about that, because it was unfair, and wrong of them to treat you that way regardless of the way they were treated in their childhood. The difference is you recognise that, you recognise what happened was wrong and the way you were treated was wrong. You’re putting in the effort to heal and to be better. You aren’t your parents, whether you decide you want to have kids or not. You aren’t them.”

His words weighed on your mind as you tried to process everything you were saying. It wasn’t the first time you had spoken to Spencer about your trauma or your childhood. You had been open with him about the abuse you endured, as well as the similar abuse your parents had both endured by their own parents. You told him about the guilt you held, how you for some reason felt bad for your parents.

It was a common theme in your mind, that maybe if your parents had met someone in their younger years who gave them a hug and and reminded them the world wasn’t as cruel as their parents made it seem — maybe your life would have turned out differently. Maybe your parents would���ve been good. Maybe your mother would have been nurturing and sweet, your father kind and humorous.

You were blessed in the way you had those people around you, the ones who reminded you that life wasn’t all it seemed to be in the house you grew up in. It wasn’t covering bruises with stolen makeup, or constant yelling and arguments after your father had drank too much, it wasn’t the dismissive and uncaring nature of your mother after a bad day — which seemed to have been everyday.

You were blessed in the way you got out when you had the chance. You went to therapy, you made something of yourself. You surrounded yourself with good hard working people, and you had met the most amazing man.

And yet you felt guilty that you had been able to do this, and your parents hadn’t. You wondered if the curse of natural unhappiness was passed down generation to generation, and would end your kids in a similar position. You wondered if you would become the same shameful and dismissive as your mother, or the same cruel and unkind as your father.

“It’s just, so scary.” You breathed out, because it was. “I don’t want to put someone else through what I had went through. I don’t want to ruin any chance they had at being good by being a child of mine.” You mumbled out, the best words you could find to describe your current state of mind.

He nodded understandingly, listening to every word and filling in every empty space your mind didn’t let you. He sat up a little straighter as he kept his gaze soft on yours. “Have I told you about my fear of passing the schizophrenia gene down to my future children?” He asked.

You shook your head. He hummed. “It was really bad a few years ago. I thought kids would be completely off the table for me, because the idea of bringing a kid into a world who may have to suffer a disease like that seemed so… unfair” He used the word you had repeated.

You understood what he meant, you really did. It seemed so wrong to do that to someone who had no choice over the life they were being brought into, no idea’s of the struggles they would face.

You listened carefully to his words, “How do you.. stop being scared of that?” You asked, because clearly his mind had changed since then. You couldn’t seem to get the fear out of your mind. It was constant eating away at your brain.

He paused for a moment, eyes staying on yours. He let out a soft breath, “You don’t. Thats not something that goes away, because it’s a valid fear to have, all the things you are scared of you are right to be scared of.. But it only further proves you care.” He said gently, “I think it’s less about stopping the fear and instead accepting it.” He said.

Your brain didn’t quite compute his words, his thumb danced gently over your skin. He took note of your lack of understanding what he meant. “Accepting that it is possible that we may pass things down to our children, whether its diseases or behaviours — The only thing we can do about that is be there for them when they need to learn how to cope with it, loving them regardless. You are so capable of love, and care. I see it in you everyday. You embody it.” He breathed out.

You curled gently into his side, your face coming to bury itself in the fabric of his shirt. His hand moved to rest on your upper back, rubbing soft circles over the skin there. You craved the comfort of his touch as your mind processed the comfort of his words. He was happy to provide it.

“I think I should talk about this in therapy” You mumbled out. He let out a soft chuckle, you felt the vibrations from it in his chest, making your lips curve into a slight smile. He nodded.

“I think if kids are something you want and the only thing stopping you is this fear then its something you should talk about in therapy. I know your parent’s took a lot from you, but I don’t think you should let them take your chance of building a family that will show you the unconditional love and care you deserve.”

And you did, the next time you went to therapy you brought up the topic of fearing passing down intergenerational trauma, and you spoke about every doubt on your mind. Later you came home and told Spencer about it.

He held you in his arms and kissed all over your face, expressing how proud he was and how much he loved you.

[moonlitstoriess]

Across the Universe-Final Chapter (Fenrys x reader)

Summary: Y/n has everything she needs in life. A family, friends, a safe place she calls home and most importantly a male whom she loves. What happens when it all changes when Y/n finds out about the betrayal of her lover and her so called family? Well, ending up in Terrasen and in queen Aelin's court was not what she expected but what she will need to start her new journey full of surprises.

Warnings: SMUT, Minors dni, some angst, violence, mentions of trauma.

See masterlist

A/n: Well, here we are guys, the end of the road. Final chapter. Thank you all so much for reading and loving this series just as much as I loved writing it. This one is quite long so I suggest you get a snack, get comfy and begin reading. Enjoy and I hope to see you again next time! <3

The next day passed swiftly with y/n training some more together with Dorian, Aelin, and Yrene, spending time with Fenrys and watching the others plan their attack on the valg. As the hours ticked by, y/n felt a heavy weight settle on her shoulders not just because of the thought of going home, but also failure. What if she fails? What if she can't even open the gates? What if the others fail? What if.....something happens to Fenrys?!

She didn't want to think about that. She didn't want to think about the "what ifs". Aelin told her how all she had to do was reach as deep as possible within herself to find her own abilities and bring them up. The queen also told y/n that once she opens the gate, she has to feel relaxed and confident in her self because no one will be able to save her or bring her back except herself.

It was later in the night that while they were having dinner, Arthur came rushing in with the Book of Breathings in his hand. His eyes were wide and his breaths were ragged as he set the book right next to Aelin.

"Forgive me, my queen, for interrupting your moment but there is an issue, this book is talking nonstop. No matter how many wards I put, it won't stop acting out of the ordinary."

Lysandra chuckled, "That thing always acts out of the ordinary, Arthur, just ignore it."

The librarian nervously shook his head as he said, "No, you don't understand. Just- just listen. It keeps on hissing and talking over and over. None of my spells work on it."

"He is close"

"Shifting gates"

"Trying, he is trying to come"

Rowan immediately gets up, taking the book in his hand, "Is it the valg or the foreigners?"

"Coming, he is coming"

"Shifting"

"Y/n, I think you should be the one to talk to this book because it seems like you are the only one it will ever answer due to your connection." Aelin's eyes were wide with worry as she adressed her.

Y/n hesitantly nodded her head and got up, Fenrys right behind her as she gestured for Rowan to put the book on the table that was standing between two couches. Once the prince set it down, she took a quick breath, reminded herself that Fenrys was right beside her, that she was safe, and opened her mouth.

"Is it Rhysand?"

"Yes."

"Is he coming alone?"

"No."

"Who else is coming?"

"All except the seer."

So Elain wasn't coming then. Y/n saw from her peripheral vision how Lucien's tense shoulders slightly sagged with relief.

With the room completely silent and all eyes on her, y/n leaned a little more towards the book and asked,

"Are they successful? Have they been able to find a way?"

"They have been trying. Lord of Night is close, true to his name as the most powerful fae, he has managed to get close."

"How?"

"Second-in-command"

"Amren? Did she find a way for Rhys to use his powers and find a solution?"

"A deal with Koschei. She made a deal."

Amren made a deal with one of the Old Gods? This can not end well.

"What kind of a deal?"

"Unknown. Koschei knew of my power and blocked everything but her out."

Y/n sighed but asked her final question.

"If they manage to get through, when will they arrive? You need a gate for that."

"Soon."

Soon. They may arrive soon. Y/n's heart felt heavier with each tense and silent second that passed.

"Well, it seems we will be having some guests soon."

Lorcan's sarcastic tone brought y/n out of her trance, causing her to look around the room before she felt Fenrys' hand in hers, gently soothing her.

Manon crossed her arms over her chest. "Whether they come or not is up to them to figure out but all we need is to be prepared for tomorrow which, I hope that we are."

As the discussion goes on, Aelin steps towards y/n, glancing between her and Fenrys, joined by their hands.

"Y/n, could I take you away for a moment?"

Fenrys looks down at her, his eyes questioning before she nods her head with a small smile and turns towards the queen. "Of course,"

Aelin smiles and gestures towards the other side of the room, away from all the noise. Fenrys squeezes her hand one last time in support and moves towards where everyone seems to be gathered in a circle, arguing.

Once she reached the queen, y/n looked at her expectantly, waiting to hear what she has to say. Aelin sighed before looking y/n straight in the eyes. "There is something that I didn't tell you about the closing of the gates."

Y/n's eyebrows furrowed. "But I thought you and Dorian told me everything that happened with you two when you were closing them."

"Dorian did tell you everything about what happened to him. I, however, didn't tell you what happened to me once I kicked Dorian out."

"Didn't you meet and then kill the Gods?"

"Yes, but after that I.....I ended up falling through worlds."

Y/n's eyebrows hit her hairline as she gasped "What?! How- What?!"

Aelin smiled slightly, "Well, after my 'lovely' encounter with the Gods, I ended up falling through worlds. So many different places, each more unique than the last. But it was too quick, I was just falling- almost flying through each gate. I was starting to loose hope when I fell into one world and saw a fae male with his pregnant mate looking up into the sky. It is thanks to whoever he was that I managed to slow down and find my way back home, back to my family, friends and most importantly, my mate."

Y/n's eyes were wide with wonder as she took a moment to process her words. After a minute, she cleared her throat, "That- that is unbelievable. Do you mean the same will happen to me?"

Aelin's expression turned serious as she placed her hand on y/n's shoulder and said, "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I am not sure if such a thing will happen to you because I wasn't expecting it either but, whatever the case is, I wanted you to be aware of it. To be prepared and in the small chance that it does happen, be ready to find your way home because no one will be able to help you."

"And what if I can't? You said someone helped you to slow down. What if no one helps me? What if I just keep falling and falling forever?"

Aelin shook her head. "Listen to me, y/n. Yes, I may have gotten help to find my way back to this world but what mainly guided me was well, myself. My determination to see Rowan once again, my will to go back home and my confidence in my journey were what kept me from loosing my mind. I want you to do the same. Believe in yourself because if you don't, then no one will and you will fail to find your way back home. To your true home."

Y/n sighed "And how will I know where my true home is?"

She noted the quick glance Aelin gave to Fenrys before smiling back at her. "Home is wherever your heart is."

The queen gave her a small squeeze on the shoulder before joining her mate, leaving y/n to ponder what she meant. Deciding that she needed a moment of peace to herself, she left the room and headed towards...well, she had no idea where. All y/n knew was that she had to be alone for a little while and gather her thoughts.

Y/n kept on climbing stair after stair in one of the far towers of the palace. She might have been here for some time now, but y/n hadn't really explored the whole place, not that there even was any time for that, which is why she just kept following the stairs which seemed to keep moving upwards. She could just fly up now but y/n didn't think she had the energy for that at the moment.

Once she reached the top, there was a wooden door right in front the stairs, waiting for her to open it. When she did, the view knocked the breath out of her mouth. Y/n was standing on the rooftop of one of the palace towers, the night sky above painted in shimmering stars, the moon casting its glow over the fields and waters everywhere. This view was vastly different from the one she saw in the balcony because this place is so much more higher and-

Soft cushions! How lovely and peaceful. Y/n wished she could just stop the time and stay here like this forever. With a small smile, she sat down on one of the soft, large cushions and admired the view, or at least tried to with the kind of a mind she had right now. So much was happening, so many uncertainities, so many questions and complications, y/n didn't know what to do anymore. She just wanted to

"Disappear and never come back." Y/n closed her eyes as she pondered over what she just said out loud for only the stars in the night sky to hear.

“If you even think about disappearing, you’d better be ready for me to chase you to the ends of any world because I refuse to let your light be snuffed out.”

Y/n's eyes immediately pop open, her breath catching in surprise. She looks up to find Fenrys standing right above her, his intensity and passion clear in every line of his face.

Very well then, maybe the stars weren't the only ones to hear her small confession.

"Fenrys, what are you doing here- did you follow me?!"

He gave her a small smile and moved to sit next to her.

"In case you didn't know, my attention these days seems to only be focused on you so if you leave, that means I leave too."

"Don't you wish to be with your family? After all, tomorrow we have a battle to fight. I thought maybe you would want some privacy within the walls of your home-"

He gently took her hands in his larger ones and looked at her with an intense and serious gaze that couldn't even be explained.

"You are my home, y/n. You are my family. There is no me without you, I realize."

She scoffed. "Do not get your hopes up too high. There is a chance that I will simply die while trying to open the gates-"

His grip on her hands tightened. "Don't you dare finish that sentence, y/n."

The low growl that left his lips shouldn't make her feel this way, because this isn't the right time but.....y/n still felt her body betray her.

Her eyes widened slightly as she whispered, "You- you could move on-"

His face was mere inches away from her now, eyes intensely boring into hers. "Move on? You believe I could move on from the death of my mate?! My beloved? You?! Oh, princess if you die, I die too."

"W-what?! No!"

He smiled slightly, "Yes, I will kill myself so that I don't have to stay without my other half for who knows how long."

"Fenrys I-"

"I know, you haven't said anything about accepting or rejecting the bond but mate or not, I am hopelessly attached to you, y/n. This isn't obsession anymore, it's beyond that, I think...I think that I am starting to truly fall in love with you. Therefore, just as I said about never letting you disappear, I mean it even in death. I will follow you in death too."

Her eyes became glossy with tears as she smiled at Fenrys before hugging him and burying her face in the crook of his neck, smelling that delicious scent that is so distinctively him. Y/n felt his arms wrap protectively around her, his grip tightening as he pressed them as close as possible together.

She sighed, content to be in this male's arms before saying, "I have made my decision, Fen. I have an answer."

His arms slightly loosened from around her as she leaned back to look at him, her palms on his chest, a happy smile covering her face. Fenrys' gaze was full of mixed emotions, worry and fear being the main ones as he gazed expectantly at her.

With a determined voice she said, "Fenrys, I-"

But her sentence was cut off as a sharp pain overtook her body, making her bend over, hand going staright to her chest. Fenrys was immediately helping her, holding her firm yet gently as his shaky voice kept saying, "Y/n! What is happening?! Please princess, talk to me."

But she couldn't. Not when her whole body felt like it was being stabbed in all the places. Not when her chest felt heavy and she couldn't even breathe, let alone talk.

All she heard was the Book of Breathing's voice invading her mind and hissing, "They are close! They are coming!" "Come to me! Tell the queen to bring me to you!"

Everything was a blur, she distantly felt Fenrys pick her up and start running but her mind was in too much pain to process what was truly going on. The pain was becoming too much, too unbearable. At some point, y/n started screaming in agony. Or did she? She couldn't think anymore, didn't know what was real or imaginary.

Through the haze and the blur, she could only register that there were multiple heads around her, probably Aelin and others. There was a buzz in her ears that blocked out all the outer noises, including her cries and screams, except one.....Fenrys' rich, honey-like voice became her light at the end of a dark tunnel.

"Please, y/n, hold on a little more!"

"Princess, I am begging you, don't leave me!!"

"Y/n! Stay awake! Please!"

"Help her! Isolde, Yrene help her!"

"Don't fucking try to take me away Lorcan!!"

But then, all her pain suddenly stopped. Her muscles relaxed and her breathing slowly returned to normal, heart beating at a standard rate. Her mind started to slowly become aware as the books voice stopped banging through her walls. She slowly opened her eyes, hand immediately touching her face to feel her tear stained cheeks.

Her vision was still unclear but she could make out the silhouettes around her and just as she predicted, everyone was in the room, probably worriedly watching her-

She felt a hand on top of hers....not just any hand, Fenrys' hand. Her body seems to recognize and react to all of his touches.

"Y/n, princess, do you hear me?"

Her throat felt so dry and painful due to all the screams she had let out but, y/n managed to croak out a small "Y-yes"

She registered a couple of relieved sighs from around the room, someone saying "Oh, thank Aelin."

"Me? Why me?"

"You know, for being a queen, you still ask such silly questions. Whatever, the answer is....because you killed the Gods, of course!"

"Watch how you speak to my queen, Dorian."

"I-"

"Will you all silence yourselves?! Refocus your attention back to y/n, please!"

Y/n shut her eyes, hand gripping Fenrys' as she whispered, "Water, please."

She felt Fenrys grip loosen from her hand only to come behind her and help lift her into a sitting position as someone else helped her drink it.

Once she drank enough, y/n slowly opened her eyes, her haze starting to clear out as she noted the looks everyone around her were giving-

There was something on her lap.

Y/n tilted her head down and saw the same book that has been the bane of her existence ever since it sent her here, sitting right there, on her lap.

This is why her pain stopped. She is with the Book of Breathings, just like it told her.

"You kept screaming 'bring me the book' so, I ordered for it to immediately be brought here." Aelin's gentle voice invaded her mind, clearing her haze even more as y/n looked up at the queen in front of her bed.

The only word y/n could mutter as her hands gently touched the book was, "It says that they are coming. Rhys is ripping open the gates."

"Which explains your pain because you and the gates are clearly connected."

She slowly nodded her head at Aedion's words as Fenrys rubbed her back. "Let them come, then. No harm will come to you, princess. Not while I am here."

Lysandra cleared her throat "Not while we are here."

Aelin crossed her arms "I am aware that none of us are fond of those foreigners but, I will not tolerate any violence on my grounds unless they start it so, we shall greet them like we would anyone else. I am not saying be kind or all smiles, no. Just don't restort to physical violence and it shall be good. I am looking at you, Fenrys."

Fenrys just growled something incoherent and kept his gaze on the ground.

Dorian clapped his hands, "Well, it seems like none of us are getting any sleep tonight so we might as well go over our plans for one last time."

And as the hours passed and dawn started to slowly crack, y/n began to slowly burst with energy as she watched everyone around her plan, eat, drink, talk and plan some more. Her doubts forgotten temporarily as she snuggled closer to Fenrys' chest on the bed.

It was when she finally came outside with Fenrys to follow everyone into the war council room at the other end of the palace grounds, that it happened. The ground shook nonstop, the vibrations going all over her body. Fenrys immediately lunged for her, pinning her to the ground and covering her body with his as a blinding light just erupted all over the place, causing the guards and the rest of the court to also duck for a hiding spot and block their eyes.

A short moment later, the light vanished, leaving only a trail of smoke around. What in the Mother's name was tha-

A large gate opened and in came.....Rhysand, followed by the rest of them.

Cassian, Amren, Nesta, Feyre, Mor and.....Azriel. Oh, Gods.

Fenrys' heart was beating out of his chest as he tried to reel his mind back from what just happened while helping y/n up. Everyone around them were also getting up when another gate opened and in came complete strangers. As usual, Fenrys' first instinct was to move y/n to stand behind him but when he tried to do so, he saw how unmoving she was, her gaze transfixedon the newcomers.

That is when it clicked for him. This was Rhysand and his court. Fenrys turned his intense and calculating gaze towards them as Aelin and Rowan came forward, followed by the rest of the court while the guards surrounded the area.

The male standing at the front seemed poised and polished, even though his gaze told you all you needed to know. This had to be Rhysand. Holding his hand, was a golden-brown haired female with blue eyes. Probably Rhysands mate. There was a shoulder-length haired male with red siphons and wings just like y/n's except much larger. Next to him was a tall female with the same physical appearances as the other one. Probably sisters. There were two more females one tall, with golden blond hair, and the other short with black hair. The short one he saw once when she somehow appeared in his room and y/n called her.....Amren? And lastly, there was another winged male. Short, black hair cut close to his scalp, with a few strands covering his brows, golden-brown eyes and blue siphons. And some dark mist like things swirling all around him.

He already knew which was Rhysand so Fenrys took him out of the portrait. It was either the long haired one or the short haired one. The female beside long haired one was leaning too close to him. Too close to be considered nothing. And he was trying to shield her with his wing. So, they were definitely mates or atleast in some sort of a relationship. That left only the one with the blue siphons and weird shadows and from the way his eyes were looking all over the place in search of something, or rather someone, Fenrys knew that this had to be Azriel.

He was about to go towards him when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned his head sideways to see y/n looking at him with pleading eyes. "Please, not now." She whispered and how could he ever say no to her.

"It's you," Aelin's voice made them both turn their head towards where everyone was, the queen now standing face to face with Rhysand.

The high lord gave Fenrys' queen a smirk as he said, "So we meet again."

Aedion turned his head towards his cousin. "Aelin? What do you mean?"

She just kept looking at the male as she said to no one in particular, "Remember when I told you that I was falling through worlds? Well, I ended up in his world and saw him with his pregnant mate, looking into the sky. I was falling too fast so I thought I would just quickly pass through there but then I somehow slowed down due to the dark magic that enveloped me. You looked at me like you already knew where I was and gave me a smile and a wave before I was once again moving through worlds."

Rhysand nodded his head slightly as the female beside him said, "Rhys? Really?"

Aelin looked at the female, "I have to thank your mate. If it wasn't for him, I would have completely flown by my world and kept on falling for eternity. Thank you.....Rhysand."

That seemed to shock them all as Rhysand's eyes widened slightly before he once again was looking at the queen with cold indifference as he said, "How do you know my name?"

"Lucien," The blond female's gasp made the inner circle look beyond Aelin, Rowan, Lysandra and Aedion to see the rest of the court standing close by.

Lucien gave them all a cold look before drawing Petrah closer and holding her hand, the witches gaze never wavering away from the blond female's.

"What is this?! How did you end up here?!" The male with red siphons was now demanding as his eyes took in the whole area, coming to land on Fenrys, still not seeing y/n behind his tall and broad body.

Before anyone could answer, the short female said, "You are looking at the wrong one, Cassian." And then, as if she knew, her gaze darted to Fenrys before moving behind him, causing everyone else to also follow in her lead.

Fenrys felt y/n let out a deep sigh before moving to stand right beside him. He didn't want her to see them or for them to see her. All Fenrys wanted was to take her into his arms and disappear to a place where he could hide her forever. Just them two. They didn't deserve to set their nasty gazes on her. Especially not that fucker Azriel. Fenrys was barely keeping his rage at bay, one wrong move and they are done for.

He saw how all of their expressions went from being skeptical to being shocked. Azriel the most of all. He nearly fell down on his knees if not for the blond beside him, gripping him by the arm to try and stabilize him. He let out a disbelieving "Y/n..." as his shaking hands came to grip his hair.

Fenrys took her hand, silently letting her know that he and the rest of them are here, with her and that no harm will come her way. Y/n looked at each of them with the cold indifference she once used to give to Fenrys and that made him feel a little better knowing that they weren't getting any nice gestures or words out of her.

Rhysand looked at Azriel before saying, "Y/n, we have been looking everywhere for you. You have no idea how difficult it was to try and locate you, next time try to not disappear so suddenly on us, alright?" His statement landed flat as y/n gave no reaction to her once high lord.

That's my witchling, Fenrys proudly thought to himself.

Azriel tried to slowly take steps towards her but was stopped by Rowan and Aedion who stood in front of Fenrys while Dorian, Chaol and Lorcan had his and y/n's back. "Not so fast, bat. Who said you could go near her?"

Rowans tone made the winged male's gaze snap to him before moving to look at y/n. "Y/n! Please, my love, please, let us talk. I am begging you, let me in."

My love? My fucking love?

Oh, this male has a death wish, that is for sure.

"Don't." Lorcan's quiet but firm command from behind Fenrys made him pause and take in a deep breath to still cling into that thin thread of not resorting to violence and murder.

He felt y/n's hand shake as she also took in a sharp breath. Now, he was starting to doubt everything. To worry. What if she chooses Azriel? What if she leaves?

But then, he heard her say, "I have nothing to say to you, Azriel."

Azriel, however kept shaking his head, trying but failing to pass through Rowan and Lorcan. Although he is a quite big male, he is nothing near Fenrys and his two brothers, Rowan and Lorcan. None of them were. This would be over before it even began.

"No! No! You don't understand. Please, y/n! Let us talk! Let me explain!"

"Come home now, y/n. We found you." came Cassians voice from the other side.

"Yes, let us go back home and talk rationally there." Rhysands mate said as she looked kindly at y/n. But Fenrys knew better than to trust that look. After all, didn't she also contribute to y/n's declining mental state?

"You are safe now, you are with us once more, come." Fenrys noticed how Rhysands voice held a pleading tone within it as he addressed y/n.

Azriel kept on looking straight at her, either ignoring or not seeing Fenrys standing right beside her. That made him very irritated.

Y/n, still keeping her indifferent mask, said with a cold tone, "I am not coming home."

That shocked not just the inner circle, but Fenrys and his family too as everyone now looked at her.

Azriel's eyes widened as he immediately asked, "What?! Why?! Y/n, no! you know that we are together, that we must solve this issue and b happy once more-"

"No. You have a mate."

"No! I don't love her, I love you-"

"No, you don't."

"Why?! Why are you doing this to me?! Please, my love, Please, come home."

"I can't."

"Why?!"

"Because I have a mate!!"

That seemed to shut Azriel up as his and the inner circle's eyes widened in utter shock.

Y/n continued, her tone harsh as she tightly gripped Fenrys' hand.

"I have a mate here and I am not leaving. I also found my true family here, the one that doesn't neglect me or my troubles for their own benefit. My purpose is here, my life is here, my home is here."

Then she turned her head towards Fenrys, her gaze immediately softening as a small smile graced her lucious lips before she said, "I accept. I accept the bond, Fen."

The second she said that, Fenrys felt an overwhelming feeling overtake him as their bond finally came alive and he was flooded with both her and his emotions. Fenrys couldn't hide the huge smile that overtook him as he asked, "Really?!"

She smiled and nodded. "Really."

He couldn't believe this. He couldn't even explain what he was feeling. All Fenrys now knew was that she was truly his and he was truly hers. She won't leave. They are together forever.

"I accept the bond as well, princess."

He barely managed to finish his sentence before she gripped the collar of his shirt and pulled him down to kiss him. Fenrys immediately took a hold of her waist as he kissed her back just as hungrily and ferociously. Once he remembered that they have an audience, he hesitantly pulled away but not without giving her lips one last peck, a promise of more to come later on.

When they both looked back around, Fenrys saw how his family had knowing and proud looks on their faces, some smiling and some, like the idiots Dorian and Aedion, fully smirking mischeviously. On the other hand, Rhysand and his court were in pure and utter shock and seeing Azriels pain stricken face as he looked between him and her brought Fenrys so much pleasure.

"I am not leaving either." Came Lucien's voice as they all looked back at him.

The female beside the male whom Amren called Cassian recovered from her shock and crossed her arms. "Let me guess, you have found your mate as well, haven't you?"

The prince nodded his head as he let go of Petrah's hand only to pull her closer by the waist.

The blond female said, "And what about your brother? Your family?Elain-"

"I have ended everything with Elain. She was no true mate of mine."

"But she is sorry, Lucien. She is so sorry for treating you that way, for letting you go-"

"Well, too late. I couldn't really give less of a fuck anymore."

The blond female's gaze moved to Petrah before coming back to Lucien. "You know, I always knew you would end up being a traitor. I guess being a snake runs in the family-"

"Finish that sentence, I dare you." Petrah's tone was filled with warning as she glared back at the blond.

"Oh really? And what will happen when he will leave you too, claiming some bullshit like you weren't true mates and he needs to move on. What then? Believe me, you are nothing but a toy for him."

Before Lucien could say anything, Petrah moved away and started to slowly go towards the blond. A smirk overtaking her face as she said, "It's not my fault that the ladies of Prythian are such insecure crybabies. I know your true intentions, Mor. I know them very well. You couldn't care less about Lucien's mate fiasco, your problem is with his brother. You keep on projecting your anger at him because of his brother but let me tell you something, not anymore. You will not longer say stupid shit at him unless you want me to rip your tounge out."

Mor's gaze turned angry as she also came closer but faltered in her steps when Petrah let her iron teeth and nails show slightly. Manon's voice came loud and confident as she stood beside the witch.

"Careful with how you talk to us iron teeth witches, and especially be careful when I am present because you are trying to insult my subject. My second-in-command. And I don't take well to anyone trying to cross my kin. That includes y/n."

"You are a witch?"

"Y/n isn't your kin, witch. She is an Illyrian."

Nesta and Rhysand spoke at the same time, the female's eyes filled with wonder as she asked her question while the high lords gaze harsh as he looked straight at Manon.

Manon smirked and looked back at y/n, causing her to smirk back before pulling away from Fenrys and going towards the witch.

"I am an iron teeth witch as well." She easily let her teeth and nails show enough to have them surprised and then retracted them back.

The stunned silence and the increasing tension between Azriel and Fenrys was cut off by Aelin who cleared her throat, forcing Fenrys to stop glaring at the Illyrian who was glaring back just as harshly.

"Rhysand, I believe you got your answer from y/n. She wishes to stay here, with us and with her mate. I hope you will only act rationally and respect her wishes-"

"Respect her wishes? Her wish to throw us away like she wasn't with us for so many years? Her wish to completely discard the family-"

"Family?!" Y/n's once again cold voice cut Nesta off from her rambling as she looked slightly dumbstruck at y/n.

"You call yourselves my family?! Well, let me tell you something, my dear 'family', a family doesn't neglect its members, a family doesn't cover up the dirt of one of its members just because they saw him as closer to them," She directs her glare at Mor, "A family doesn't walk in on one of their own having a panick attack and then pretends as if nothing happened." Her gaze roams over everyone now, "A family doesn't say 'it is in the past, get over it' when someone tells them of their troubles, a family doesn't ignore someone who is clearly descending into depression and pretend as if everything is perfect. And lastly...." Her gaze stops on Azriel "A family doesn't get to pretend like they are loyal and care about you when all they had been doing was hiding the truth from me about the male I once loved."

The male I once loved.

The male I once loved.

The male I once loved.

Fenrys couldn't hide the smirk on his face as he watched them all, stunned in silence, Azriel's wide eyes staring at her in shock, body trembling, clearly out of words.

He was so proud of her. So, so, proud of his y/n, his witchling, his princess,

His mate.

"Y/n-"

"No-"

"Oh, y/n-"

"I am so sorry-"

"It was none of our intention-"

"Save it. All of you. Rhysand, you got your answer from me. I am not coming with you. You may leave now."

"No, actually, they can't."

Everyone looked at Dorian who now pushed through Rowan and Aedion to get to the front and faced Rhysand.

"The lunar eclipse is today, in about eight or nine hours from now and if they open the gates once more,"

"The magic will shift again, causing the gates to open in wrong locations," Amren seemingly caught on to the kings theory.

He nodded his head before continuing, "And because y/n has the special connection with the book, the gates and all, she may end up failing when trying to close them. Or worse, she could end up in different places. We can't risk it. I suggest you stay until the lunar eclipse. Once that starts, y/n will be busy with the gates while we will be busy with the valgs. She will close every gate. Once defeated, she can manage to send you home before finally sealing this gate as well."

Dorian was looking at Aelin now, expecting her to say something. She nodded her head as she looked back at Rhysand. "What do you say? And before you ask, I swear this is no ruse to get you all trapped or whatever, y/n will truly close the gates today. No violence or harm shall come from our side to you unless you start it. Then, I can't promise you anything.

Before Rhysand could say anything, Cassian asked, "What is a valg and how for Mother's sake can y/n connect with gates?"

Feyre nudged him in the ribs before looking back at Aelin, "We accept. We will stay for the next however many hours and help-"

"Your help isn't needed." Both y/n and Lysandra spoke at the same time, their gazes equally defensive.

"Needed or not, that is the only way we can ensure they don't end up in a wrong place and then blame us for it." Azriel's glare went towards Rowan as he said, "You think you are so smart, don't you? You think you know it all? How fucking pathetic."

Clearly, Azriel wasn't in his right mind right now but that didn't make Fenrys any less furious for the way that prick talked to his friend and prince.

Rowan didn't even give Azriel an ounce of his attention as he took ahold of Aelin's waist, pulling her closer and looked at Rhysand. "I assume you are their ruler. What do you say?"

Rhysand assesed everyone before looking back at the queen and the prince consort as he said, "We may have hurt y/n and broken her trust but she hasn't broken ours. If she trusts you enough to be here, we shall trust you enough to be here. I also swear to keep my members in line and make sure no harm comes from our side either."

Aelin nodded as she said, "Very well, then. Follow me." She turned to leave with Rowan beside her followed by everyone else but Fenrys stayed back when he saw y/n quickly say something to Aelin before coming towards him only to be stopped by Azriel getting in her way.

Oh, you little fucker.

"Y/n, please, there has been a misunderstanding. Please, let us talk-"

She didn't even acknowledge a word he said as she moved past him and headed straight towards Fenrys, taking ahold of his hand before moving in the opposite direction to the wing in which her room was located in.

She saw how Fenrys gave the Illyrian a smirk before turning around and following his mate.

"I have been dying to get to you! I have been so sorry! Please!"

His cries for her went on deaf ears as she led her mate towards the palace. Once inside her room, Fenrys said, "What was that about-"

"Shhhh"

She silenced him with a quick peck to his lips before once more taking his hand and a small lamp while leading him towards the very place she felt the need to show him. The Crystal Caverns. When she moved the creaked floorboard, Fenrys' shock was evident on his face as he looked at the stairs leading into the darkness beyond.

"What- how- what is this? Since when has it been here?"

She turned to look at him and smiled. "I discovered it a little while after I came here. Trust me, Fen. You won't regret it. Just follow me."

He took ahold of her hand as he said with the most serious tone ever, "I will always follow you, my princess. I trust you enough to lead me anywhere."

She couldn't hide the overflow of emotions she felt for him and from the looks on his face, Fenrys felt all of them as well through the now golden bond.

After a while of walking while telling Fenrys all about the place, they finally arrived at the breathtaking location of crystal caverns. Y/n watched every move and reaction that Fenrys made as his wide eyes took in the place, mouth wide open in utter bewilderment.

She smiled and let him look around as she moved towards the small glittering lake, staring into the beautiful and translucent colors eminating from it due to the crystals underwater.

"It is beautiful, isn't it, Fen?"

"It is, but not as beautiful as you." His voice sounded from right near her ear, slightly startling her as y/n turned her head sideways and looked at him.

And then, she whispered the words that changed the mood completely.

"My mate,"

Fenrys' eyes visibly turned darker as his pupils dilated, his breath suddenly coming in ragged breaths and the small scent of his arousal hitting her nose immediately. Y/n herself felt all hot as she squeezed her thighs to try and keep her arousal from him but....from the way Fenrys suddenly turned her around and breathed her in, nuzzling his head in her neck and groaning, y/n knew it was fruitless to hide from him. Not anymore.

He pulled his head away slightly, face mere inches away from hers as he whispered, "Ask me to kiss you."

Her reply came immediately, "Kiss me, Fenrys."

She barely managed to finish the sentence when his lips collided with hers. His tounge invading her mouth as they both fought for dominance in their hungry kiss, Fenrys eventually getting the upper hand.

Without breaking the kiss, she tugged at his tunic, signaling for him to take it off. Fenrys didn't need anymore telling as he immediately ripped it away, hands then coming to help her unclasp her ties in the back of her dress. Once that was on the floor, she was left in her undergarments which caused him to break away and step back to admire her body, her scars and her curves.

She tried to move her hands and cover her exposed areas but his fierce, dominating voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Don't you dare."

She put her hands down immediately, letting him devour her with just his yes. Another wave of arousal overtook her as she felt herself getting wetter.

"Take off your undergarments and get in the water, princess."

She did as he told her, slowly taking off each piece while keeping her eyes on his. Once she was completely naked, Fenrys groaned loudly as he took her in from head to toe.

"Gods, you are perfect. And all fucking mine."

"And you are mine."

He clearly enjoyed her posessive tone as slowly started to take down his pants with a smirk. "Oh, yeah, princess?"

She nodded her head slowly, eyes admiring every inch of him as Fenrys took off his last garment that hid his prominent erection from her. And oh Gods.....the sheer size and girth of him made her knees buckle. His tip was all red and angry, waiting for her.

She slowly glided her gaze back to his before turning around and seductively swaying her hips on her way towards the lake. Once she entered it, the warm water reaching her mid-ribs, she turned to look at him. Fenrys' eyes never left hers as he took deliberately slow steps towards her, eventually also immersing himself in the water.

They were standing chest to chest now, Fenrys' hand slowly rised out of the water as he moved a strand of her hair behind her ear. He then gently took ahold of the back of her head, bringing their lips closer as her arms went to his biceps. The kiss was full of words they couldn't express. Desperation, hunger, posessiveness, obsession and adoration. Both of their hands exploring each others assets as he gently squeezed her cheek underwater causing a small yelp to come out of her, granting him the access he needed to fully devour her mouth.

After a while, his mouth moved to her jaw and then her neck, leaving open mouthed and desperate kisses but also bites that clearly marked her as his. Y/n tried to hide her moans but stopped when he lifted his head, looking down on her as he said in an attractively raspy voice, "Don't hide your pretty noises from me, princess. There is no one here and even if there was, they would know that you are mine and mine alone so sing for me, witchling."

She did as he asked, letting her moans out as Fenrys kept on going lower and lower, kissing over her collarbones and scars before reaching her breasts and sucking one, while playing with the other. She could feel his hard erection pressing right against her now, causing her to squeeze her thighs which led to Fenrys letting out a strangled moan.

"Fen, please,"

He lifted his head, one hand slowly submerging underwater to slowly find its way towards the place she needed him in the most.

"Please what?"

"Please-" Her gasp cut off her sentence as one of his long and thick fingers entered her mound, causing her eyes to roll back and hands clench on his biceps.

"Please what, princess?"

"I-" A second finger entered her, making her head fall onto his shoulder, small moans emitting from her mouth.

"Princess, what happened?"

Before she even processed his words, a third finger was inside her, invading her walls as his pace quickened, his palm now hitting her cunt as she felt that spark within her build up.

"D-don't s-s-stop"

"Wasn't planning to, princess."

His other hand took ahold the back of her neck as he moved her head back and attacked her neck once more. Her release was quickly building up and his lips on her neck just intesified it tenfold.

His lips came to her ear, hot breath hitting her as he said, "You are mine now, this cunt is mine, this ass is mine, this body is mine, your everything is mine. You are mine and I will prove it to you in every possible way."

That was her undoing as with a final thrust, she let out a loud moan and came all over his fingers, chest heaving up and down as she slowly looked at him through the haze within her and oh, Gods....he was watching her the entire time, his intense and hungry eyes fixed on her completely as he slowly took his hand out from underwater and licked his fingers, groaning at the taste of her on his tounge, causing her to flush red.

"Y/n-"

Y/n didn't give him a chance to finish his sentence before she leapt on to him, joining their lips once more and tasting herself on his tounge. She pulled away slightly, both of them panting heavily as she whispered, "Fuck me, Fenrys."

He groaned out a "Fuck, princess. You are killing me. Jump."

She wasted no time in jumping on to him, Fenrys catching her under the thighs as he lined his cock with her entrance. He slowly entered her, inch by inch, making her let out a silent moan before he kissed her fiercely. Her grip behind his neck tightened as her hands tangled in his hair and her mound took in more and more of him with each stretch until he was fully inside her.

He gave her time to adjust before she nuzzled her head in his neck and whispered a "Move, please."

He started off slow, not wanting to hurt her and y/n already felt so full, her pain quickly dissolving into pleasure as she soon started to kiss and bite his throat, causing him to moan loudly as he picked up his pace, balls slapping against her skin.

Their moans echoed all throughout the place as her walls tightened around him, his tip constantly hitting her spongy spot. Her mind was completely hazy, her mouth was open, everything was a blank. She thought nothing but Fenrys and how good he felt. How she never wanted to leave this cave and make this moment end. She wanted to be with him, forever.

They came together and stayed like that for a while before their newly mated bond caused their insatiable need for one another to renew. After they fucked like rabbits in almost every part of the cave, after Fenrys ate her out who knows how many times more, they were both spent as they lay on the ground, limbs all tangled, bodies all wet with sweat and water as she put her head on his beating chest while he caressed her hair and looked up at the crystals covering the rocky ceilings.

"You know, we Illyrian's have very sensitive wings."

"Yes, you told that to Eva."

"But what I didn't tell her is that, that sensitivity also applies in sex. There is a specific place within the muscles in our wings that if touched properly, we can just cum from that alone."

"Oh, yeah? Hmmm I will test that out for my self soon enough then."

But then she felt his hand on her back, touching her biggest scar and suddenly her mood dampened.

"Who gave you all these scars, princess?"

She sighed and closed her eyes as she whispered, "A cruel monster."

His hands kept on gently caressing her even though she felt his body slightly stiffen as he whispered back, "Where is he now?"

"Dead."

"You killed him?" She heard the surprise in his voice as she nodded her head, still refusing to look at him and said, "My first kill. I was twenty."

"How did he give these scars to you?"

"Let that be a story for another time. I don't wish to talk about it now."

And so they didn't talk. Not with words atleast. But Fenrys made sure to show her all the love with his body as they stayed in the crystal caverns for a little more before bathing in the small lake and then leaving the place hand in hand. Their joy at finally being joined in both body and soul emanating from them both.

Fenrys had never felt so fulfilled in his life before. Finally being with his mate after years of being alone brought him the peace he has been seeking for so long. Even though they are about to face something so terrifying, Fenrys knew that they would be fine as long as their bond stayed strong.

Everyone was in the war council chamber when they entered the room. His protective instincts made Fenrys draw her closer to his body before moving towards the side of the area in which his family was. The high lord, who was listening to Aelin's plans carefully, failed to hide the shame on his face when y/n entered the room. All of their eyes were on her as Fenrys led her to sit with the women; Manon, Petrah, Yrene, Lysandra and Elide.

The anger from Azriel could be felt even if they were miles and miles apart and that alone made Fenrys full with pride.

"Finally, after three hours, you decide to grace us with your prese- oh, now I see." Lorcan had the most mischevious grin on his face as he smelled Fenrys and then looked over at y/n.

Fenrys, still not taking his eyes off of Azriel's intense gaze from across the room, asked Lorcan, "How was it while we were gone?"

Lorcan just scoffed as he looked around the place, his eyes coming to land on Rowan and Aelin explaining whatever to Rhysand and his court.

"I came this close to ripping off that Cassians head about three times in the past hour alone. He is giving all of us these dirty looks, well, how about he tries to give me that look when I am punching him into the ground. His mate-Nesta- is no different- did you know, she also has some death powers like bringing dead people to her feet or something? Apparently they call her lady death."

"Anyways, then that Mor kept looking at Lucien and Petrah which caused her to at some point yell at Mor something like 'If you keep staring some more, I won't hesitate to rip your throat out' and that caused Mor to challenge her and then the whole place turned into a disaster of two sides arguing before Rhysand managed to interfere and calm his court down."

And then, Lorcan's eyes widened as he turned to look at Fenrys with a huge smile and hit him on the arm. "Oooh and my favorite moment was when in the middle of a somewhat civil-as civil as you can get with these barbarians-discussion, Azriel asked where was y/n and Dorian decided it would be a great idea to provoke him by saying 'with her mate, probably fucking.' Oh, Godsss, you should have seen that pricks face, Fenrys. It was like all the color got drained out of him."

Fenrys noted to thank Dorian later on for that as a huge grin overtook his face. He then looked towards the windows where his beautiful mate was with Manon, Petrah and Yrene now, listening attentively as the healer explained something to her by pointing into the book. Even seeing her caused a soft smile to overtake his features as he admired what was now his.

Once all of this was over, he would take her away for some time where it could be just the two of them, basking in their newly found relationship. He looked back at Lorcan and said, "Care for a walk?"

"I would love to." Dorian's voice interrupted Lorcan's as the king popped from behind Lorcan.

Lorcan rolled his eyes. "No one invited you, little king."

Dorian just shrugged as Chaol, Lucien and Aedion also came to stand with them.

"Oh, well. We are all about to risk our lives once more so might as well have a lovely little walk beforehand."

Aedion nodded his head. "Rowan and Aelin seem to have it handled. Just get me out of here, please. I don't know how much of this tension I can take."

Fenrys sighed, "Very well. Looks like what was meant to be an only two person chat will end up becoming a five person chat."

Lucien smirked, "We can't miss the exciting conversation about how you and y/n mated, you know."

Chaol rolled his eyes as they moved to first kiss their women a temporary goodbye. "You are acting as if you and Petrah didn't also just newly mate."

Lucien hugged his mate before pressing a soft kiss to her cheek, causing her to smile up at him. "We will take turns in telling."

Fenrys ignored the rest of the conversation as he moved to kiss his woman fiercely, leaving her breathless once they detached, her eyes once more filling with lust.

"We will be back soon, little warrior."

Her eyes darted to the others before a small blush crept up her cheeks and she smiled while nodding.

Gods, she was so adorable, Fenrys just wanted to eat her whole.

They left the room and headed towards the royal gardens when an irritating voice stopped them.

"You think you can take my mate from me and get away with it, you viper?!"

Fenrys and the others immediately turned around to find Azriel and Cassian heading straight towards them as Cassian tried but failed to hold him back by the shoulder.

Lorcan and Aedion immediately stepped forward but Fenrys pushed them back, all of their warnings of 'Don't do it.' 'Don't fall for his games' 'He is just provoking you' 'Ignore him' fell on deaf ears as Fenrys stood proud and tall when Azriel--who turned out to be a couple of inches shorter--came to stand right in front of his face.

Cassian, whose slightly anxious eyes now darted towards Lorcan due to his huge size, tried to once again push his brother back but failed miserably when Azriel snarled in Fenrys' face.

"You won't get away with this. She is mine and she knows it. Y/n will come home with me and we will be together once more."

Fenrys kept his indifferent mask on as he said, "Don't you have a mate? Hmmm I wonder what she would think if her beloved is here trying to get back what was never his to begin with."

Azriels eyes narrowed into slits as he said, "You are no mate for her. You are undeserving of her. Who do you think you are? Nobody but a stranger from a different world who interfered with our relationship-"

The dam broke.

The wolf was unleashed.

Fenrys landed his first blow right into Azriel's jaw and hit him with the second one right in the ribs before he even had time to think about it.

Azriel staggered back, a sharp breath escaping his lips as he struggled to regain his footing. His eyes, usually calm and calculating, now burned with a fierce, unyielding fire. The air between them crackled with tension, charged with the raw energy of their confrontation.

With a snarl, Azriel righted himself, his dark wings flaring as he used their power to launch himself back into the fray. He swung a powerful arc with his staff, aiming to catch Fenrys off guard. But Fenrys was ready. With a swift, practiced move, he dodged the blow and countered with a spinning kick that connected solidly with Azriel’s midsection.

In the distance, he could hear shouts and screams. Probably his brothers stopping Cassian or maybe Lorcan too, is releasing his anger on Cassian or maybe they are trying to stop Fenrys. Whatever the case is, he didn't care. Fenrys tried. He tried for y/n. Tried for his queen and tried for his brother but no, Azriel had to breach the line and now, he was facing the consequences.

Azriel grunted, the impact sending him crashing into a nearby stone pillar. He pushed himself up with a growl of determination, wiping a trickle of blood from his split lip. His gaze locked onto Fenrys with renewed intensity.

“Is that all you’ve got?” Azriel’s voice was a low, dangerous growl.

Fenrys smirked, the adrenaline of battle fueling his movements. He advanced, his movements fluid and fierce, each step calculated to keep Azriel on the defensive. He feigned a left jab, only to deliver a right hook to Azriel’s temple.

Maybe in their world, Azriel, Cassian and Rhysand are considered the best, the largest, the most powerful. But here? Azriel was nothing but a faeling for Fenrys. None of them were match for the Cadre.

Azriel reeled, but he quickly recovered, his eyes narrowing as he harnessed his power. In a swift, fluid motion, he conjured a blade of shadow and lashed out with it. The dark blade cut through the air with a menacing hiss. Fenrys barely had time to react, raising his forearm to block the strike. The blade scraped against his skin, leaving a searing, burning sensation in its wake.

He spread his wings wide, using them to shield himself from Fenrys’s next onslaught. As Fenrys closed in, Azriel’s dark magic surged, swirling around him in a protective barrier.

Fenrys didn’t hesitate. He gathered his strength and charged through the barrier with a roar, breaking through the swirling shadows and driving Azriel back with a brutal series of strikes. The clash of their powers reverberated through the air, each blow resonating with the intensity of their struggle.

Azriel’s breath came in ragged gasps as he fought to keep up with Fenrys’s relentless assault. Azriel's shadows seemingly decided to leave him alone, disappearing into who knows where. Fenrys managed to pin him to the ground, delivering blow after blow, his anger knowing no bounds or limits.

He could shift into a wolf but then that would mean that he has to kill Azriel and although he would love nothing more, Fenrys was still sensible enough to know that by doing it, he would unleash a myriad of unwanted problems.

He saw nothing and heard nothing but Azriel and his bone crunching under Fenrys' fists. Oh the pleasure it brought to him to finally have him like this-

Two small hands were on his, trying to drag him away-

He would know these hands and this scent anywhere. The only one who can ever calm him down. His princess, his witchling, his mate.

Y/n.

"Fen, please stop this!"

"Please, Fenrys!"

He let go of Azriel as y/n managed to drag him away, the rest of their family coming to circle all around him.

"Gods, Fenrys. Are you out of your mind?!" Aedion.

"I think I made it clear when I said no fights!" Aelin.

"You did so good, Fenrys. Thanks to you I got to punch Cassian when he tried to attack us for beating up Azriel." fucking Lorcan.

"Look at your hands!" Yrene.

"Why did I even try with warning you in the first place?" Rowan.

"Fen, please, look at me." His love, y/n.

Fenrys' eyes immediately snapped up to her and before anyone could say anything else, he grabbed her by the waist and hoisted her up onto his shoulder, pushing through others and heading towards the palace.

"Fenrys!"

"Fen, please put me down!"

He ignored her.

A sigh. "Atleast go to the healing hut where we can do something about those bloody knuckles of yours."

He obliged.

Once in the healing hut, he put her down before she knocked on Isolde's door and entered it once the healer opened it.

"Oh Fenrys, what have you done?" Isolde said while slightly shaking her head and gesturing for them to sit down as she went to search for some medicine. Y/n turned to look at him with all the worry in the world evident in her hypnotizing eyes.

"What were you thinking? You promised-"

"He provoked me too much. I couldn't hold it back anymore."

She sighed as Isolde came back with a small wooden box in her hand, giving it to y/n. "Apply this salve over his injuries, they should heal in a days time."

Y/n nodded and said her thanks before the healer turned and left to another corner of the room. Y/n opened the circular box and wiped some of the salve with her fingers before taking his right hand in hers and gently applying it onto them.

"Well, thank you."

Fenrys' eyes widened slightly. "Thank you? For what?"

She smiled. "For standing up for me. For protecting my honor. Azriel is in a horrible condition, you know. If you continued some more, he would end up dead."

Fenrys grunted. "Should've kept punching, then."

She moved her hands from his to his face, cupping it and bringing him closer to her as she looked between his eyes, "I am glad you didn't, Fen. What you already have done has been more than enough. I am so proud of you for everything."

He smiled softly at her as his arm came around her waist, pulling her closer to him as he delivered a soft kiss to his mate's delectable lips.

The next hours passed in high tensions as neither of the courts spoke with each other, only acknowledging one another when needed. As the hours drew closer, y/n just kept her anxious thoughts at bay by burying herself in her mate's arms as they sat on a couch in the sitting room with their family around.

Finally, as she watched her mate and friends choose weapons for the battle, y/n felt her fears slowly to start creeping up-

"Everything will be fine, you will do just fine." Yrene's soothing voice sounded in her ear as they both stood on the sidelines and watched everything going around them.

Dorian entered the room with the book in hand, heading towards them as he said, "The best place for this will be in the forest, ladies. We don't need to destroy any furniture, you know."

Y/n and Yrene smiled as the former said, "Let us get going as well then."

"And not say farewell to us?" Aelin's feigned hurt tone made them look at her, all strapped with weapons as y/n said, "Of course not before that."

"Good, because I don't think I can leave without kissing you some more." Lorcan said to his wife as Elide giggled.

"Get a room, you two." Dorian's disgust at them vanished the second he had Manon in his arms and began devouring her face.

"Such babies," Yrene said while shaking her head as she let her husband hug her tightly.

In the other side of the room, Lysandra, Aedion and Eva were having their own family moment as Fenrys approached y/n.

“Be careful please,” she said as Fenrys hugged her in his arms, inhaling her scent.

“If being careful means coming back to you, then I most certainly will be.” 

She nuzzled her head in his chest, “I am afraid, Fen.”

He kissed the top of her head gently, “Don’t be, I will send you energy through the bond if I feel you declining.” 

She closed her eyes, pure bliss overtaking her “Hmmm”

“If any of those vipers try to do something to you-“

“Fen, no. They won’t because they are ashamed to even look at me in the eye. I will be fine.”

“We are leaving, everyone!” Aelin’s voice boomed across the room as the couples began detaching.

“Ask me to kiss you.”

She smiled and pulled away. “Not this time, Fen. I will kiss you when you comeback home to me. Alive.”

He smiled back and said, “Very well, witch.”

And before she knew it, with a final look, he was heading towards Rowan and Aelin.

Once they were gone, Dorian told the guards to inform Rhysand and his court that it is time. 

As they began preparing for their short journey to the woods, the inner circle entered. Y/n felt her body tense slightly but decided to ignore them all and keep her hands busy with helping Yrene roll the scriptures.

Lucien came into the room a moment later as Eva crossed her arms and asked him, “And where, pray tell, were you?”

He just smiled sheepishly and said, “Can’t a male have his privacy with his mate?”

Elide snickered before they heard a scoff from the other side of the room….Mor.

Y/n put her hand on his shoulder and whispered, “Ignore them, they will be gone soon, Lu.”

He just nodded his head stiffly but didn’t say anything else. 

“Very well, everyone. Time to leave.” Dorian announced as he exited the door, book in hand.

During their walk, y/n felt like she could cut the tension with a knife as the inner circle followed them through the woods. At some point, Nesta tried to speak to her but y/n cut her off with an ‘I don’t want to hear it.’ 

More also tried apologizing for the whole panic attack situation but, y/n ignored her too. Azriel could barely even walk, let alone breathe as Cassian, who had a giant bruise on his cheekbone, held his brother up.

She just kept close to her friends and followed the path Dorian went. When they finally arrived, the place looked like some sort of a ritual point. A huge circle made out of stone held up large boulders with unique carvings on them as green ivy’s covered most of the ground and surrounding area. 

Dorian placed the book in the very center and then turned to look at y/n. “Tell it to open the right page.”

Y/n came forward and put her hand on the book, her body filling with energy as she looked down at the object and said, “Open the right page.”

The book needed no more commands as it’s pages flipped through on their own accord, coming to land on a text with ancient writing. 

Yrene nodded her head before turning to look at the inner circle. “Since you all will be leaving together, I suggest you do not separate at all.” 

Rhysand gave her a short, curt, nod before turning to his court and saying something in a low voice  to them. 

Dorian looked at Lucien, Elide, Eva, Yrene and then at her as he said, “Very well, family. Y/n, the lunar eclipse shall begin in…when will it begin again Yrene?”

The healer looked up into the sky and said, “If my calculations were correct, in exactly two minutes.”

“So, once the eclipse begins, I put my hand on this writing and hone in my energy?”

They all gave her small nods before Eva asked, “Are we sure that the gates will open?”

Dorian just sighed. “For our sake, let us hope that they will.”

“I think it is starting.” Elide announced as she looked upwards, followed by everyone else as y/n heard Feyre gasp and say, “What is happening?”

“It is time.” Dorian looked at y/n, a small encouraging smile on his face as Yrene opened her scriptures and began reciting the spells she deciphered from the book in the library. What they did, y/n had no idea but she trusted the healer too much to ever doubt her skills.

Elide, Lucien and Eva stood nearby, observing and ready to help at any second as the inner circle too, came closer.

Y/n could feel all the eyes on her as she sighed and closed her eyes, bringing her palm up and on to the page. 

The second her hand landed on the magical writing, her blood felt molten, her body feeling too heavy. It was like she was burning from the inside. 

And then, all of a sudden, it was as if something gripped her from the back and yanked her into darkness. 

“Elara’s daughter”

“The connected”

“The key”

“The chosen one”

Multiple ancient voices were hissing all around her as y/n kept on falling through the darkness. 

“Have you come to close the gates, child?”

“Fool, you shall die.”

She fell and fell until her back hit something strong. With a groan, y/n got up  and looked around, only mist and fog were around her. What was this place?

She couldn’t see much due to the fog but she tried her best and stretched her arms in front of her to try and feel where she was going. 

“You think you can close the gates and keep end the valgs?”

She suddenly turned around to find a towering figure emerging from the mist. Cloaked in shadows, its eyes glowed a piercing blue, cutting through the darkness. The figure seemed to absorb the very light around it, creating an aura of dread that chilled y/n to her core.

"You think you can close the gates and end the valgs?" The voice echoed again, this time more pronounced, filled with both curiosity and malice.

"I have to," y/n whispered, her voice trembling yet determined. "It's my destiny."

The figure laughed, a cold, harsh sound that reverberated through the void. "Destiny, child? Or a curse?"

With a wave of its hand, the mist parted, revealing a path lined with ancient, rune-covered stones. "Follow the path if you dare. But beware, for not all who tread here return."

Determined, y/n took a deep breath and stepped forward, her resolve hardening with each step. The path seemed endless, winding through the fog, with the voices of the ancients whispering warnings and secrets in her ears. The weight of her destiny pressed heavily upon her, but she knew she had no choice but to continue.

The path led y/n deeper into the mist, where the air grew colder and the whispers grew louder, each step echoing with an ominous finality. As she continued, the runes on the stones began to glow faintly, casting eerie shadows that danced and shifted around her. 

After what felt like an eternity, she arrived at a massive, ancient gate made of black stone, covered in intricate carvings and sigils that seemed to pulse with a dark energy. This was the source of the whispers, the place where the voices of the ancients converged.

Before the gate stood a tall, imposing figure draped in dark robes, its face hidden beneath a hood. In its hands, it held a staff topped with a glowing crystal, emanating an otherworldly light.

"You have arrived, Elara’s daughter," the figure intoned, its voice resonating with a power that shook y/n to her core. "This is the Gate of Shadows, the barrier between worlds. To close it, you must face the darkness within and without."

The gate slowly began to creak open, revealing a swirling vortex of shadows and light beyond. The figure raised its staff, and the crystal’s glow intensified, casting a protective circle around y/n.

"Step forward, child, and confront your destiny. But remember, the darkness will test you. Only those with the purest hearts and strongest wills can prevail."

With a deep breath, y/n stepped through the gate, into the heart of the vortex, ready to face whatever trials awaited her within.

As y/n stepped through the gate, she felt an immediate pull, like being drawn into a powerful current. The swirling shadows and light enveloped her, and she was plunged into a world of chaotic energy. Shapes and figures moved within the darkness, whispering her name, taunting and challenging her resolve.

As y/n stepped through the gate, she felt an immediate pull, like being drawn into a powerful current. The swirling shadows and light enveloped her, and she was plunged into a world of chaotic energy. Shapes and figures moved within the darkness, whispering her name, taunting and challenging her resolve.

The first trial began almost instantly. The shadows coalesced into a figure resembling her mother, Elara. The figure’s eyes glowed with an unearthly light, and its voice was a haunting echo of her mother’s.

"Do you really think you can succeed where I failed?" the shadow-Elara taunted. "You are but a child, untested and weak."

Y/n’s heart ached at the sight, but she stood firm, clenching her fists. "I am stronger than you think. I carry your legacy, and I will not fail."

The shadow-Elara lunged at her, its form twisting into a monstrous shape. Y/n dodged and summoned her inner strength, feeling the magic within her pulse and surge. With a fierce cry, she released a burst of light, dispelling the shadow.

The vortex shifted, and y/n found herself in a vast, desolate landscape, the sky above a swirling mass of storm clouds. In the distance, she saw a figure standing alone. As she approached, she realized it was herself, a mirror image staring back at her with cold, calculating eyes.

"This is your second trial," the doppelgänger said, its voice a perfect replica of her own. "You must confront your own fears and doubts. Are you ready to face yourself?"

Y/n nodded, feeling a mix of fear and determination. "I am ready."

The battle was intense, with the doppelgänger matching her every move, every spell, every strike. But y/n drew on the memories of her journey, the lessons learned, the bonds formed. With each strike, she remembered her purpose, her friends, and her promise to end the valgs. Her iron fangs and claws working nonstop to help her in defeating her own self.

Finally, with a powerful surge of magic, y/n overwhelmed her doppelgänger, who dissolved into a swirl of shadows. Breathing heavily, she stood victorious, but exhausted.

The landscape shifted once more, and y/n found herself in a serene, beautiful garden, a stark contrast to the trials she had just faced. In the center of the garden stood a towering tree, its branches covered in shimmering, golden leaves. At its base, a small, intricately carved box rested, emanating a soft, warm light.

As she approached the tree, the ancient voices returned, now gentle and guiding. "This is the heart of the gate. To close it, you must place your hand upon the box and channel your magic. But be warned, the gate will resist, and the valgs will try to stop you."

With renewed determination, y/n placed her hand on the box. Immediately, she felt a surge of resistance, as if the gate itself was fighting against her. Dark figures began to emerge from the shadows, the valgs intent on stopping her.

Drawing on every ounce of her strength and magic, y/n focused on the box, channeling her energy into it. The light grew brighter, pushing back the darkness. The valgs advanced, but she held firm, determined to see this through. Black, foggy claws were on her from every side, trying to drag her back as ugly voices said, “You won’t prevail. You won’t prevail.”

With a final, powerful burst of magic, the light from the box exploded outward, engulfing the garden and the shadows. The ancient voices cried out in triumph as the gate began to close, the vortex of shadows and light dissipating.

As the world around her faded to white, y/n felt a sense of peace wash over her. She had faced her trials, confronted her fears, and emerged victorious. The gate was closed, and the valgs were no more. Or at-least she hoped that was the case-

“Y/n.” 

She turned around to find the inner circle. They were in some sort of a hallway that seemed to glow white from all around. Behind Rhysand and his court was a gate that was slowly-very slowly- closing. 

They all looked at her with so much shame, with so much guilt. Y/n sighed and decided to speak first because she knew that this would be the last time they ever saw one another.

“I forgive you all. I won’t forget any of it but I do not wish for us to part with unfortunate feelings towards one another.”

Feyre was fully tearing up as Rhysand gripped her hand. For the first time, she saw Amren’s eyes full with sadness as her unusually soft voice called out to her, “We shall carry this guilt with us forever, girl.” 

Nesta who was standing next to Amren, nodded her head, a tear sliding down her cheek as she said, “I am happy to know that you have found a family that will truly cherish you.”

“That will succeed in the places we failed.” Mor said mournfully. 

Rhysand gave her a small, grateful smile as he said, “It was my honor to have known you for so long. Your invaluable presence will never be replaced.”

As they began turning one by one and entering the closing gate, Cassian’s pained face looked at her. “I am so sorry, sweets. So sorry for letting you down.” 

She gave him a small smile as he too, turned around and went through the gate, leaving only Azriel behind as he looked back at the now quickly closing gate and then at her.

“Y/n-“

“I understand, Azriel. We had a beautiful time while together and I believe that is something I shall never forget. In a way, we both prepared each other to ultimately meet our mates. Now go, be with her. I wish you both well.”

He gave her a small smile. “I will forever carry this guilt with me, but I wish you the best as well. My love for you will never cease to exist, y/n dearest.”

Then, he turned around and entered the gate, giving her final look of gratitude before the gate closed completely. 

She sighed and turned around, taking a step forward-

Her foot fell through a hole. She was falling once more. World after world, gate after gate, she saw glimpses of different realms, different places before their gates too, sealed off completely.

She saw a world with tall buildings and shimmering lights, a world filled with vast dunes and oasis cities, a world where a whole civilization was underwater, a world where multiple Islands were floating in the air.

She went through world after world, the gates shutting off after she passed through each until she was slowing down, down, down….

When she finally opened her eyes with a gasp, she found herself back in the real world, the ancient writing still glowing faintly beneath her hand. She was exhausted but triumphant. The voices of the ancients had fallen silent, and a calm, serene silence enveloped her.

“Oh thank the Gods!” Yrene’s overjoyed voice was the first thing that she heard before Eva was on her, hugging her tightly. 

Y/n was drained. She was panting heavily and felt like her body would collapse at any second when everyone gathered around her, congratulating her.

Eva put her hands on her hips and puffed out her chest as she looked at Dorian. “Sooo, I win the bet. Give me my 15 gold coins.”

The king rolled his eyes playfully but said, “You said she would be back in two hours. She came back in three.”

“Well, unlike Lucien who bet ten minutes, I was close enough.”

Lucien laughed as he said, “In my defence, I had no idea it would take this long.”

Elide put her arm under y/n’s shoulder as Dorian hoisted her up from the other side, “Ignore them, we were bored while your body was immersed in a trance so we made bets about how quickly you would return.” 

Y/n didn’t feel like she had the energy to reply to anything so she gave a small smile as they slowly made their way out of the woods while Dorian kept bickering with Eva, others interfering at some point. 

The moment y/n was back in her room, she collapsed on the bed and slept away who knows how many hours. When she awoke, Fenrys was beside her, an arm draped protectively over her waist. 

His eyes were open as he seemingly admired her. Y/n couldn’t keep her joy and relief at seeing her mate come back in one piece contained as she jumped on to him, draping her arms around his shoulders and nuzzling her nose into his neck. 

He hissed a little which caused her to immediately detach and pull the covers away to find his left arm bandaged. 

“Fenrys! What- Are you well? I am so sorry-“

He put his right arms around her waist and pressed her body against his, smiling. “Just a scratch don’t worry. Isolde said it will heal in a week. I am better now that you are with me.”

She looked worriedly all over him before sighing and putting her head back on his chest. 

“Did you manage to kill them?” 

"We killed and killed. None of us could even stop to take a breath. There were so many of them it's like they keep inbreeding. At some point, I started becoming worried when I couldn't feel you through the bond and then I started full on panicking when the valgs wouldn't die because it meant that there was a chance something happened to you. But it wasn't like I could leave, I was stuck killing valg after valg. Then, however, they all suddenly fell to the ground mid-fight. All of them. That's when we all realized that you did, after all, manage to close the gates."

He kissed the top of her head as y/n listened to his beating heart, ensuring herself that he was real, alive and with her.

"Are there any injured?"

"Lysandra's leg got injured and a small amount of skin was ripped off of Lorcan's ribs but other than that, we are all well. Tired, exhausted even, but well."

She nodded her head. "What now?"

"Now? Now we get to finally live in peace. Together. Now we get all the time in the universe for each other."

She smiled. "I like that. I very much like that."

He slightly pushed her away so that they were looking at each others eyes as Fenrys said, "I believe you owe me a long overdue kiss?"

Y/n laughed and said, "Hmmm do I?"

His expression turned into longing as he whispered, eyes trained on her lips, "Ask me to kiss you."

She wasted no time in replying. "Kiss me, Fenrys."

He kissed her longingly, lovingly, hungrily, fiercely and softly. He kissed her until they couldn't breath anymore and once he left her lips, he moved down to her jaw, neck, slowly undressing her as he went lower to her breasts and then even lower. Heat was already pooling below her stomach as they basked in the feel of each other, knowing that they were finally in each others arms and that nothing could ever seperate them.

After a couple of hours, when they both entered the sitting room, they saw everyone gathered there, Lysandra's right foot was perched atop Aedions lap as Lorcan also lay on the opposite couch with his head on Elide's lap.

Everyone else was coupled up with their significant others, basking in the moment.

"Well, dearest y/n, welcome to the family." Aelin's proud voice echoed around the room as she looked at y/n with a bright smile, Rowan too smiled as he sat beside his queen and mate.

Y/n reciprocated their smile with her own. "Thank you. All of you. I am very grateful that you accepted me to your circle."

Lysandra waved her hand in the air, "Nonsense, you are one of us now, we are the ones who are grateful to have you with us."

"Are you going to take the blood oath now?" Chaol's question made all eyes turn to Aelin but the queen just smiled and looked at Manon who smiled back at y/n.

"Actually, me and Manon have already discussed this between ourselves since y/n is after all, an iron teeth witch and the mate of someone who is blood sworn to me. And we decided that..."

"That it is up to her to decide. She may or may not choose to do the blood oath. My only wish is that she comes and visits us in the witch kingdom."

Y/n smiled as Fenrys hugged her waist, "Of course I will. I will come visit all of you. There is so much to explore in this world, I can't wait to see it all with my own eyes."

Fenrys kissed the top of her head as he said, "We shall do it together, you will see all the beauty of our world, I swear it."

"Well, if you don't come to Adarlan first, I will be seriously wounded." Dorian put his hand on his chest as his head fell on top of Manon's, who was snuggled up in his arms.

"Oh, shush, you. Witch kingdom it is." Petrah hit him on the head as she passed by them with Lucien holding her hands.

"Oh, here we go again." Lysandra rolled her eyes as Aedion laughed.

Yrene, who was braiding Eva's hair, said, "Actually, she should go to the Southern continent first. I am sure Nesryn would love to meet her. Oh! I could show you where I lived for so long-"

"No! I think-"

"Gods, you are all such babies-"

"Shush Aelin!"

"Did you just tell my wife to shush?"

"Calm down, Rowan. Dorian has just been itching to get a beating from me for the past week."

"I would love to see you try-"

Y/n smiled and side hugged Fenrys as they watched their beloved family argue and bicker.

Suddenly, Fenrys whispered in her ear, "I promise to love and cherish you across the universe."

Oh, how she was ready for this new adventure to begin.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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[justallmyfantasies]

a bone to pick

address the issue, don’t ignore it.

contains: dad!alex, angst & smut (unprotected piv)

word count: 3.8k

MINORS DONT INTERACT!

the door creaks open, the coldness hitting your skin from where you were sat on the couch. it had been snowing, some snow now dragged into the doorway of the house.

alex had just came home from work. setting his bag on the side and his coat on the rack. his shoes now untied next to the door. his notices you engrossed in a magazine you had bought recently. you don’t take much notice to him. you know he’s there.

he takes a seat on the armchair opposite, his spot. “where’s olivia?” he asked, wondering where his daughter could be. he rubs his hands together, trying to gain some warmth to them.

you don’t take your eyes off the magazine in front of you. “she’s upstairs, playing.” you reply short. your voice not showing much enthusiasm.

he huffs, ruffling his hair. alex had been at the studio again today. finishing the last few bits of the new album he was working on. he had been there morning til night for the last couple of weeks.

you didn’t see much of him, that annoyed you. you wouldn’t say it though, not to his face. but he could tell. your short responses were enough to make him curious.

“what’s up with you?” he asked. he tried to make his voice sound soft, wanting you to notice he’s actually there. for you to look at him.

you shake your head. “nothing’s up.” again, your response was short.

alex kept his temper controlled. he always did. nothing you did could ever make him want to loose his temper. yeah, he would get frustrated but he wouldn’t take it out on you. god, no.

once more, he runs a hand through his hair. a action he’d do when he felt nervous or frustrated. like now. “then why are you hardly talking to me?” he said. “we’re walking around like we don’t know each other, like we’re not a married couple. come on, that’s not what we do.” finally. he’d said it. well, not all of it. he didn’t want to burst all of his thoughts now. not yet, at least.

you finally looked up from the magazine, your eyes meeting his. there was a hint of annoyance in them, but only a hint. “i have been talking to you.” liar. why are you lying to him?

as if on cue, olivia comes bounding down the stairs, a huge smile on her face. “daddy, you’re home!” she squealed, running over and climbing onto his lap.

alex couldn’t help but smile, his arms wrapping around his baby girl tight. he needed this tonight. “hey, there you are. missed you today.” he mumbled into her hair. he’d never admit to you, but he missed his family. olivia more than you at the moment. that was only because of the growing distant between you both.

he turned to look back at you. your head now looking back down at the magazine, avoiding his gaze.

olivia giggled, wiggling around in her dad’s lap to get comfortable. “guess what!” she exclaimed, grinning up at him.

alex chuckled, curious to know what she was so excited for. “what is it, peanut?” he couldn’t help but grin back, her happiness contagious.

olivia leaned in close, as if what she was about to say was a secret. “mommy said we’re having pizza for dinner!” she said, still keeping her voice low. she glanced up at you, making sure you weren’t listening.

alex laughed again. “pizza, huh?” he was now looking over at you.

you nodded. “yeah, i thought i’d treat us all.” you looked at them both. the sight of olivia with her father was a sight that made you melt, nevermind how frustrated you were with alex.

olivia practically bounced with excitement. “can i pick the toppings?” she asked, her eyes wide with hope.

alex looked down at his daughter, pretending to think about it for a moment. “sure, why not.” he ruffled her hair, messing it up.

olivia squealed with excitement, wrapping her arms around his neck in a hug. she then wiggled off his lap, running back upstairs to her room, leaving you and alex alone again.

the silence between you felt heavy, it was something neither of you liked. alex spoke up first. “do you want me to pay for tonight?” he asked, keeping his voice casual.

you looked at him, a hint of sarcasm in your voice. “no, it’s fine. you’ve been working a lot lately. told you, i wanted to treat everyone.”

alex could hear the undertone of your words. he knew exactly what you meant. he just ignored it. he leaned back in his armchair, watching as you returned your attention back to the magazine. you were avoiding him, he knew it.

alex wasn’t going to start a fight. not now. but it was clear he wanted to talk about it. he hated this thick wall between you both. it had been here for weeks. neither of you knowing how to fix it without a fight.

the rest of the night passed by pretty quickly. dinner was finished and olivia had already been put to bed by alex. it was early, too early to even think about going to bed. you didn’t care. you wanted today to be over.

you were in bed, the covers touching your chin as your back faced the man beside you. the only sound was the pages turning of the book alex was reading and the light coming from the lamp on his bedside table.

the longer you laid there, the more your mind thought. alex could hear you tossing and turning, the noise you were making was becoming infuriating.

he put down the book he was reading, his eyes meeting your back. “i don’t like this.”

you shifted onto your back, finally looking at him. “don’t like what?” you were playing dumb. obviously you knew what he meant.

alex stared back. “you know what i mean. this cold shoulder thing. it’s destroying us.”

you sat up a bit, your head now on the pillow behind you. his words hurt, because they were true. but you weren’t going to say that. “i don’t have a problem.” you replied.

alex almost laughed. “love, come on. talk to me, you know you can.” his hands running through his hair again.

you looked away. “there isn’t anything to talk about.” your tone still blunt.

alex moved closer, his hand going to your shoulder. “don’t lie. i know you’re pissed at me. the way you’ve been for weeks now.” he could feel you tense up. his touch making you shiver.

you swallowed down the lump in your throat. of course you were pissed. he’d been away all the time. more than he usually would. it seemed like work was more important than you and his family. how could you not be angry?

you finally spoke again. “you’re just never here.. and i know that’s not your fault and all. i just hate going to bed without you next to me.”

alex felt guilty. he knew how much you hated sleeping without him beside you. “i’m sorry.” he mumbled, moving to wrap his arm around you, pulling you closer. but you moved away. his arm falling back at his side.

“i don’t want apologies.” your voice was cold again. “i just want you home more.”

alex huffed, running a hand through his hair again. “i need this album done. you know that.”

“how hard is it to come home during the day, at least? to have lunch? play with olivia? spend time with your goddamn wife?” your voice growing frustrated once more.

alex looked at you, his eyes wide with shock. the way your voice rose was completely different to your short responses you’d given previously. he was taken back at your words. “that’s not fair.” he replied, shifting to mirror your position. facing each other.

you laughed bitterly. “fair? isn’t it fair i get to see my husband during the day?” you replied. “not just in the morning and when you decide to come to bed at two in the morning.”

alex sighed, looking away. he couldn’t argue with you. but the album was his main priority right now. being there for his wife and daughter was important too, yes. but this was his career. it would always come first. but he didn’t want to say that outloud.

“i’ll be done in a few weeks, then you’ll have me all to yourself.” he tried to speak calmly.

you scoffed. “what does having you all to myself even mean?” you laughed. were you being too harsh on him? “look, we haven’t had sex in weeks. is that normal for a married couple?” at this point, you weren’t even making a point, just saying everything that needed to be said.

alex’s eyes widened. he wasn’t expecting that. he looked at you, his mind trying to find the right words. “don’t start that.” was the best thing he could reply with.

you took a deep breath. you needed to calm down and stop taking everything out on him. “i’m sorry.”

alex huffed, laying flat on his back. he was frustrated, frustrated and guilty. he knew you needed his attention, he was just so caught up in his work. “look, i’m sorry i’ve been gone all the time. but give me a few more days and i’ll be all yours, and graces.”

you laid down too, turning away from him. now feeling guilty yourself. a few more days would end up being at least a week, but you didn’t say anything.

alex’s hand went to your waist, his fingertips slowly moving under the hem of your shirt. he pulled you closer to him, your back now against his chest.

you didn’t try to pull away, instead, you let yourself melt into his touch. you’d missed it, the feeling that only his skin against yours could do.

alex moved closer to you, burying his head into the crook of your neck. leaving soft kisses against your skin. “come on, baby. don’t turn away from me.” his voice was soft.

you closed your eyes, feeling the shiver run down your back at the feeling on his lips on your skin. you hated how quick you became weak under his touch, knowing exactly how to make you fall.

alex moved his hand further under your shirt, his palm flat against your stomach. he left gentle kisses across your shoulder and your neck, loving the way your skin felt under his. he missed you. he’d missed everything about you. the way your body molded into the shape of his, every little noise that escaped your lips.

you tilted your head back, your breath hitched in your throat. alex knew exactly what he was doing, and it was working. every spot his lips touched made you feel weak and desperate for more.

alex bit down gently on your neck, pulling your body against his. “i need you.” he mumbled, his teeth grazing over your skin again. he pressed his hips into yours so you could feel him against your back.

“yeah?” you breathed out. you leaned back against him, grinding your hips back into his. god he drove you crazy and he knew it.

alex groaned, his hand on your stomach gripping you tighter. “yeah.” he said, his voice low and deep in your ear.

alex’s lips never left your neck. he’d leave small kisses to soothe the spots he’d bitten into earlier. his free hand found its way to your hip, keeping you close to him as he started to grind into you. his own need was starting to grow.

you let out a moan, tilting your head to the side, giving him more access to your neck. you pushed your hips back into his, feeling the tenting in his boxers through the fabric of your shorts, making you gasp again. alex’s hands went to the hem of your shirt, pulling on it, trying to get it off. he wanted to see, to feel all of you.

you helped him remove your shirt, and as soon as that was off, you were flipped onto your back. alex now on top of you. “missed this, missed you.” he mumbled into your skin. attaching his lips onto one of your breasts.

you let out a soft whine, your fingers tangling into his messy hair. you pushed your chest up into his mouth, wanting more from him. it was like he was craving it. craving you. and you wanted to give him whatever he wanted.

alex moved his mouth to your other breast, biting down softly. he then started sucking, leaving marks on your skin. the sounds he pulled from you were only fuel to him. to keep going, to give you more.

in one swift move, the rest of the clothes you both were wearing removed. leaving you in nothing but a pair of panties. alex pulled away, his eyes locking on your now exposed body he missed so much.

he moved back up to you, his hand gently resting on your thigh. he gently pushed your legs apart and moved his body between them. “gonna make up for this, i promise.” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. he looked at you, his eyes darkened with lust.

you opened your legs wider, giving him more room. your arms wrapping around his neck, bringing his face down closer to yours. “please.” you breathe out, the need in your voice loud. “please, i just need you..”

alex’s breath hitched in his throat, the sound of your voice sounding so desperate for him was music to his ears. he couldn’t hold back anymore.

he leaned down to your ear, his lips brushing against your skin. “anything you want, baby.” he replied, his hips moving closer to you, slowly but deliberately. “i’m all yours.”

you swallowed a moan, your hips moving up to meet his. “i just want you.” you mumbled, your nails digging into the skin on his back. “please.. alex, i just need you and only you..” you were getting desperate. the need for him was almost too much.

“i know, baby, i know.” alex replied, his voice low in your ear. he moved his hips against yours, the growing ache in his boxers almost too much.

he reached down with one of his hands, pulling the thin fabric of your panties to the side, and ran his fingers through you. his touch made you shiver, a whine leaving your lips. “just needed to know you’re ready for me.” he said, a smirk on his face.

you whimpered, pushing your hips up into his hand, begging for more. more of his touch, more of him. “i’m ready for you. please, i’m so ready.” you couldn’t care if you sounded like a needy mess. you were desperate.

alex let out a low moan as he heard you beg so sweetly. he hooked his fingers around the sides of your panties, pulling them off of you. he watched as you laid there, completely bare and open for him. just for him.

he took in the sight of you spread out beneath him. the way your chest rose and fell in anticipation. “you’re so beautiful, you know that?” he whispered, as he settled between your legs again.

you shivered again at his words, a flush on your cheeks at the way he was looking at you, like you were the only thing he’s ever wanted. “shh, stop talking.” you mumbled, your tone soft. you reached down and started pulling on the elastic of his boxers. “need you. now.” your voice was laced with want. you needed him, now.

alex let out a breathy laugh at your eagerness, it was almost too cute. “so impatient, baby.” he mumbled, as he pushed his boxers down over his hips, kicking them off and finally getting them out of the way. he leaned back down, hovering over you. “been too long.. way too fuckin’ long..” he said almost to himself, his words getting stuck in his throat. he couldn’t hold back anymore.

you felt your hips press between your legs, his aching length against your core, making you shiver again. you reached down. “need you in me.” your breathed out. it had been too long, you wanted, no, needed to feel him. all of him. he filled you so perfectly.

alex groaned as he felt you press down against him, your words getting to his head. it was like he was losing all his will power. “yeah.. yeah.. i can do that..” he mumbled, his brain not having the ability to really form a sentence anymore.

slowly but firmly he pushed himself into you. your moans mixing with his groans. you felt your eyes roll back at the feeling of him inside you, the pleasure of him almost too much. “oh, oh fuck.” you breathed out as he started to move.

alex buried his face into your skin, his hands gripped at your hips. he bit down onto your neck, hoping to not leave any remaining marks.

he let out a low moan as he moved, the pace quickening. “so good, so good.” he gasped out. the sensation of you around him, after so long, was almost too much. he couldn’t even think properly.

you wrapped your legs around his waist, bringing him closer. so closer. you needed him, you wanted him so badly. it had been too long. you were overwhelmed by him. by the way he was making you feel. you whined out louder as the pace of his hips picked up. “alex.. alex, please..” you breathed out. feeling your end nearing. he knew you way too well.

alex’s head was fuzzy. all his thoughts being blocked out by how good you felt around his length. he knew what you needed and was happy to give it to you.

“come on, baby. come for me, i know you’re close.” he mumbled against your neck. his hips pushing into you with each stroke, hitting all the right spots.

your moans started to get louder, alex’s hand quickly went over your mouth to silence them. he knew where this was going, and he didn’t want to wake up your daughter.

he could feel you shaking against him, your breaths coming out short. you were right there. “that’s it, there you go. good girl.” he muttered, his words low in your ear. “come for me.”

your body tensed as the orgasm hit, hitting you with so much force. your hands clawed down along his skin, you felt like you were seeing stars, the pleasure too felt overwhelming and too good.

alex felt your body shake against his, the way you tensed around him. he knew you were gone, all he could think about was chasing his own release.

he groaned, knowing he was close. “fuck, gonna pull out.” he mumbled through gasps, his movements getting sloppy. he was close, just a few more thrusts and he’d be done.

you shook your head. “don’t. stay.” you managed to say, your arms tugging him closer. “want it.” you mumbled, your mind still in a daze. you knew what that meant, but it was too late for that right now.

alex couldn’t say no to that. when he heard you say you wanted it, your words were like a switch in his mind. he was done for, he couldn’t stop, not now. his movements getting more erratic and his breathing deeper.

“gonna fill you up, baby, so full.” he was mumbling against your skin, his face buried in your neck. he didn’t even know what he was saying. it all just ended up blurting out.

your nails dug deeper into his back as you felt him finish inside you. his moans filling your ears as he felt apart on top of you. neither of you could say anything for a few long moments. the only sound being your heavy breaths.

alex rolled off of you, laying beside you. he was trying to catch his breath, his arm still around your waist, keeping you close to him. he was a sweaty mess. hair everywhere and his body covered in small scratch marks from your nails. his breathing finally starting to slow down.

you snuggled closer to him, your head resting against his chest. still coming down from your high. you were also a sweaty mess, and the two of you were completely drained.

alex turned and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. his mind was still not fully working, but now the guilt and the need for you had subsided. at least for now.

you traced your fingers along his chest as you laid against him, feeling the steady beat of his heart against your skin. “can we not argue like this again..? please.” you whispered.

alex let out a quiet laugh, his hand gently raking through your sweaty hair. he looked down at you, your head against his chest, looking up at him.

“okay, yeah.” he said, his voice still breathy. he placed a kiss on your forehead. “i’m sorry, for being so distant the last few weeks.”

you nodded against his chest, feeling his heart beat. it was slow and steady now, no longer erratic like before. you exhaled, shifting closer to him, wanting to feel more of him. “i just missed you..” you mumbled, your arms wrapping around his waist.

alex’s eyes softened at your words. he had no idea what it must’ve been like for you to feel so neglected this past few weeks.

he ran his fingers along your back, feeling your soft skin beneath his touch. “i know, baby. i know you did.” he paused for a moment, his tone taking on a hint of guilt. “i missed you too, more than you know.”

you smiled faintly, still feeling the lingering sensations of your high. you felt your eyes starting to get heavy, the exhaustion of it all catching up to you. “stay with me, tonight? don’t leave in the morning.”

alex chuckled at your sleepy words. he knew you were worn out, you weren’t the only one though. he moved his body, shifting so he was on his side facing you. “i’ll stay.” he replied, bringing you closer to his chest. “i’m not going anywhere.”

you closed your eyes as you felt his body around you. you buried yourself into him, the scent of him surrounding you. you were so happy to have him back. “love you..” you mumbled, already starting to doze off.

alex smiled to himself, feeling your body against his. listening to the sound of your breathing. he loved that he could finally relax, and hold you again. he missed it way more than he wanted to admit.

“love you too.”

a/n: i hope this is ok, i’ve like proofread like half of it anyway enjoy it as much as i did writing it.

[jiniretracha]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐀𝐥𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐲 - Jeon Jungkook (5)

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x fem!reader / Park Jimin x fem!reader (but not quite, you'll see)

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Future smut

Summary: You were supposed to spend your happily ever after with Jeon Jungkook... until a family issue causes him to leave and a sudden break up leaves you bereft in the arms of your best friend, Park Jimin.

Word count: 6.2k

PS: this is heavily entirely inspired in the last two episode of True Beauty (so consider this a huge spoiler if you haven't seen it) cause i've been a fan of it since it came out and I just had to do something about it lol

MASTERLIST // my Ko-Fi // SERIES MASTERLIST

CHAPTER 5: 𝐒𝐨 𝐇𝐢𝐠𝐡 𝐒𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥

You plopped on your bed with a content sigh and you felt Crookshanks hopping on the bed and purring next to you.

“Hi, baby” you cooed. “You notice I’m happy, don’t you?”

You chuckled at how your cat was looking at you. He obviously sensed a change of feeling from how he was used to seeing you.

Your fingers scratched his head and smiled at him. “Yeah… I think I’m the happiest since we’ve met, aren’t I?” 

Crookshanks was startled when your phone started vibrating in your bag and you quickly took it out.

The smile that spread across your face was worth more than a thousand words. 

You accepted the call and raised your phone up to your ear. “Hey, Jungkook” you tried to hide your happiness. 

“Hey, Jagi” he replied and your stomach kicked with butterflies inside. “Did you get home alright?”

“Yeah, I was just hanging out with Crookshanks” you told him.

Jungkook frowned. “Huh? Who’s Crookshanks?” he asked, confused. “Don’t tell me you got a cat and named it after Harry Potter?” 

“Yeah. I think Hermione’s the coolest, so…” you shrugged and you could hear him chuckle at the other end of the line. 

Jungkook sighed. “Well, I’m glad you got home okay… I- I’m sorry if I got too ahead of myself and called you instead of waiting for your text. I just wanted to hear your voice, you know?” he told you, and you could feel the shyness in his voice. 

You laughed and shook your head. “It’s okay”

“What are you doing tomorrow?” he asked you. 

“Why do you ask?” you said, trying to play hard to get.

“So I can see you” he immediately told you. 

You let out a hummed laugh. “You know, it still feels surreal… you know, that you’re here and all” you told him. 

“Yeah. I know” he said and smiled. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Kook” you said softly.

You felt him sigh and you smiled.

“What?”

“I just… missed you hearing you call me Kook” he said. “That’s all” 

“Well… Kook, I have work tomorrow, just so you know. And I got an early shift, so if you let me, I gotta go have some dinner and go to sleep” you said, eyeing the digital clock on your nightstand. “And I still wanna finish the last episode of Mare of Easttown” 

“Again?” he chuckled. “You’ve seen that show three millions times at least”

“It’s so good! Kate Winslet is such a MILF in that one” you sigh.

Jungkook laughs and shakes his head. “If you say so” he tells you. “Have a good night, Jagiya”

“Good night, love” you smiled and then it fell.

You just called him love, like you used to.

You felt Jungkook’s breath hitch in his throat from your side of the call and you quickly pressed the red button to end it. 

With a whine, you covered your face with your hands and prayed he wouldn’t take it as a sign that you were giving in to him so easily.

Which you were, but he didn’t have to know that yet. 

「 ✦ 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐬𝐨 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐈 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮

𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ✦ 」

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

Jimin sat that night with his bandmates, looking at the ground with heavy shoulders.

“Okay, you gotta do A minor there, and then a C… no, you’re doing an F there” Yoongi said to the leader of the group, Namjoon.

“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong!” he whines.

“You’re playing a totally different chord, take a look at the papers” Yoongi scolded him.

Hobi chuckles. “Yoongi, take it easy man” he said, slapping his palm on his hyung’s shoulder.

“Sorry…” he mutters.

Jimin wasn’t even paying one ounce of attention to the conversation. Instead, he was replaying memories from the night before, specifically the talk he had with Jungkook.

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 THE NIGHT BEFORE 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

“Why did you have to come out right then and there?” Jimin asked Jungkook, angrily, as he watched his friend down a soju shot. “You stole my moment”

Jungkook frowns and pulls his face back. “The hell does that mean, Jimin?”

Jimin just rolls his eyes. “Whatever” he muttered. “It was my last chance” he sighed. “You know… what I’ve been wanting to do for two years and I couldn’t find the guts to do. To tell her how I feel. That's what I mean, and I’m finally doing it now” he said and poured himself another soju shot. 

Jungkook eyed him curiously and pressed his lips together. He understood him. He felt the exact same way about you, how could he not understand Jimin?

“I knew I’d get rejected” Jimin says after a while. 

Jungkook looked up at him.

“I just… I just felt like I had to try” he said and Jungkook could see the slight watering in his eyes.

“And did you?” 

“What?”

“Get rejected” Jungkook replies.

Jimin chuckles. “Y/N’s too much of a sweetheart to do so… but I guess I did” he said. “Get rejected, I mean”

Jungkook nods and downs another soju shot.

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 PRESENT DAY 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

Jimin let out a frustrated breath at the memory from the night before and he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. 

He took it out and saw that you were calling him

“Hey…” he answered the call, leaving the room, ignoring his friends’ stare. 

“Jimin…” you said sternly.

He forced himself to smile. “What? Don’t tell me it didn’t work”

He heard you sigh. “It did, Jimin. I mean! I just got to talk to him and I guess we’re civil now” you said.

“Okay, a win is a win, right?” Jimin smirks.

“Yeah, if you say so” you said and he swears he can see you shrug. “I just had to say something to you”

Jimin felt his heartbeat quickening in expectation. “What is it, Y/N?”

“I wanted to say thank you and… I’m sorry” you said.

Jimin chuckled. “Why thank you and why sorry?” he asked. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. I mean, I’m not gonna lie. I always knew you weren’t over Jungkook. So… don’t feel sorry”

He could feel how bad you felt from the other side of the line and he hated it. It wasn’t his intention at all. 

“I knew it, Y/N. I knew that I wasn’t going to fit in your heart because there was simply no space for me” he put it softly. 

“Well… still. I’m sorry, Chim” you replied.

“Then, I’m sorry for confusing you by telling you how I feel” he states.

“No, you don’t have to apologize for it. I’m glad you did” you told him. “You’ve always insisted on me to say the things I keep in my chest. It applies to you, too”

Jimin chuckled. “I guess I’m just too wise. Aren’t I?”

“The wisest” you replied. 

Jimin nods with a chuckle. “And, as to my rejection, I guess it’s easier to let go after you’ve been rejected” he shrugs. “I’m preparing my debut with Hobi, Nam and Yoongi and that means I’m gonna be very busy to think about you” he jokes. 

You let out a laugh. “Well, don’t. You have a friend group that you’ll be leaving behind. What would Seokjin do without you?” you asked him. “He’ll cut his own ball sack!”

“Yeah… I guess that boy loves me too much” he sighed. 

“My favourite bro-mance” you chuckled. 

Jimin looked at the hour on his phone and his eyes widened. “You have an early shift tomorrow. Go to sleep!”

“Yes, mom” you muttered annoyed. “You’re so bossy”

“You know me” he says cheekily. “Okay, I’ll text you tomorrow. I have to get back or else Namjoon’s gonna have my head” 

“Go, go. I prefer you with a head, anyways” you snorted. “Good night, Chimmie”

“Good night, Y/N”

Jimin ended the call and shoved his phone inside his pocket with a little sigh.

He took a deep breath and turned his body to get inside the practice room, ready to get his head off from you by singing and complaining with his bandmates.

But before he could do that, he received a text from Seokjin.

Seokjin: hey, how did that plan go?

He smiled. Seokjin meant so much to him.

Jimin: it went well. like we all knew it would, i guess

Seokjin: and how are YOU doing?

Jimin: as well as I can be

Seokjin: do you want me to pick you up from practice? I can make you some nice ramen 

Jimin: not you buying my time with food, Jin

Seokjin: come on, you love it

Jimin laughed out loud and typed back.

Jimin: you know i do :)

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

You walked with a tired sigh up the steps to the salon with Karina and found Nari sitting by the reserved vanity. 

You frowned at Karina who gave you a shrug, she was just as confused as you were as to why that brat was there. 

Your boss came walking towards the two of you and gave you a knowing look.

“Hey, girls. I know… that girl’s a pain in the butt and all, but could you be the kindest angels on earth and please be a replacement for the make up team?” she pleaded. “Somi and Jisoo cancelled today, apparently they’re stuck in traffic and Nari has to get to the Fashion Show in ten minutes” she told you.

You and Karina looked at each other and faked a smile. 

“Of course we can” Karina nodded.

“Yeah” you added. 

Your boss gasped and grabbed your hand and Karina’s. “Thank you, girls!” she said and walked away.

You looked at Karina and let out a huff. “Okay, so, to the count of three, we kill ourselves?” you asked her.

Karina gave you a nod. “Yeah, highest building or we find something sharp enough to pierce the neck?” 

“I’m voting both”

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

Inside the van, Karina was putting on Nari’s earrings, while the model eyed you up and down as you were tidying up the make up kit. 

“So… Y/N” she said and you could feel the disgust in her tone. “Are you and Jimin dating?” 

You looked up from the make up kit and looked at her. Again with the same shit? 

“No, we aren’t, Nari” you said, shaking your head. 

Nari chuckled and clasped her hands together. “Ah, that’s a relief. I mean… no offense. He wouldn’t if he had working eyes” 

You looked up at Karina who was glaring at Nari. “Right, yeah. Jimin does have working eyes, and that’s exactly why he wouldn’t go for just anybody” you said and continued with your task in hand.

Nari gasped and then scoffed. “Face mist!” she said, snapping her fingers. 

You grabbed it quickly and sprayed it over her face. 

She faked a cough and looked at you. “God, I didn’t ask for a sauna” she rolled her eyes and you placed the mist back into the kit, taking deep breaths.

You had to calm down because you were thinly close to punching her in the face.  

When the van stopped, the driver opened the sliding door and Nari sighed.

“I’m craving Gimbap, I’m so hungry” Nari cried.

Your boss gave Karina a smile and handed her a card. “Karina, would you go and-”

“No, not her” Nari shook her head. “Y/N, you go” she told you.

You arched an eyebrow. Why me?

“Um, is there any reason why Karina shouldn’t go?” your boss asked.

“No, Y/N’s closer to the door, don’t you think?” Nari asked, faking an innocent tone. 

You licked your lips and forced a smile. “Of course, what kind of Gimbap did you want?” you asked her, faking kindness.

She placed her finger on her lip and pretended to think. “Cheese Gimbap” she nodded.

Karina handed you the card and you went to buy the brat the goddamn Gimbap she wanted. 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

When you reached the store, you ordered exactly what Nari had asked you and waited until it was ready.

You felt your phone vibrating in your pocket and you took it out. 

The butterflies in your stomach flew all around as you took a look at who was calling you.

“Hey, Jungkook” you smiled.

“Hi, Jagi” he exhaled. “Where are you right now?” he asked.

“I’m currently at a Gimbap store because the bitch that I work for was too nagging and wanted food” you muttered.

You could feel Jungkook felt bad for you on the other side of the line. “Oh, baby. I’m so sorry” he told you.

“It’s okay. I can text you my location, I’m off after this, so…” you shrugged. 

“Great, yeah” Jungkook replied, clearly excited. “But tell me more about this… bitch that’s been bothering you. Do I have to step in?” he asked.

You chuckled at his protectiveness. Some things never change. “No, no, it’s okay. I can handle it. I have Karina with me. Though she can’t do much about it, she’s working here too, so…” you shrug. “I just have to deal with the bitchiness, I guess”

“That’s not right, you know?” Jungkook points out and you could hear him shuffling in his car. 

“Yeah, well, what can I do? They pay me well” you told him with a chuckle. “And she’s really into Jimin to the point that she’s jealous of me for being his friend”

“Really? And what does Jimin think about her?” he asked you.

You faked a gag. “God, Jimin fucking hates her. And I don’t blame him at all. The brat’s insufferable” you told him and you could hear him laugh. “Today, she asked for Gimbap, as I told you, and my boss told Karina to go. But no, the princess, who hates me, had to step up and tell me in front of everybody that I had to go” 

“God, I know gender violence is wrong and I’ve been taught not to do that to women but this girl is tempting me” he warned. “Nobody gets to treat you like this”

Your heart warmed. “You’re so sweet”

“No. I’m serious. You are so kind to everybody and just because that girl’s jealous of you, which I get it, honestly, because you’re breathtaking, fucking perfect and a dream if you ask me, only because you’re friends with Jimin? Yeah no… hard pass” Jungkook said and you were left there, blushed and wanting to kick your feet at how he was complimenting you. “Jagiya? You there?”

“Yeah, sorry” you cleared your throat. “Um, yeah, no. I know I don’t deserve it. Nobody does” 

“I know, baby”

Can he just stop making you want to giggle like a teen?

“Kook, I have to go, my order’s here and I have to get this back to the brat as soon as possible” you told him.

“Okay, babe. I’m on my way” he said.

“Great, bye”

“Bye, Jagi” he said and cut the call.

God bless Jeon Jungkook.

「 ✦ 𝐈'𝐦 𝐭𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐥𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐬

𝐂𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐬𝐨 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐈 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮

𝐁𝐮𝐭, 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ✦ 」

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

You got back with the order, trying to jog back to the van as fast as you could.

“Here! Cheese Gimbap” you said and handed her the bag with food. 

Nari sighed and grabbed the box. She opened it and then gasped.

“Wh-what’s wrong?” Your boss asked.

“There’s cucumber in these. Why didn’t you ask them to take it out?” Nari spat.

“You didn’t tell her to take the cucumber out, Nari” Karina said to her. 

“Should I get a new one?” you asked her.

Nari rolled her eyes and handed her the box. “No need, I’m freaking starving so just take the cucumber out yourself” she said and whipped her hair over her shoulder.

With a scoff, you glared at her. “You take it out” you said to her.

Nari looked at you up and down and let out a chuckle. “Should I be taking the cucumber out of my Gimbap? You’re the assistant here”

“Yeah, assistant. Not your slave! You take it out, do you not have hands?” you asked her, quoting Jimin. “I didn’t study cosmetology to take cucumber out of a gimbap!”

Nari was staring at you wide eyed and her mouth hanging open. “Are you crazy? Do you wanna get fired?”

“Oh God, I’d rather quit than get fired by you!” you spat, throwing the gimbap inside the van.

Karina was staring at you with a huge smile.

“You’re just an insolent brat with no personality. You think that being mean to your staff makes you a respectable person? No, it just makes you a bitch with no self-awareness” you yelled at her.

The driver came to stand by your side and looked at Nari. “Hey, Nari, what's going on?” he asked her.

She pretended to get emotional with the situation and you rolled your eyes. “This- this girl just-” 

“Oh God, here it goes again” you muttered. 

“Hey, what is your problem?” the driver said and you turned around, to find out he was talking to you. “What did you do to her?” 

“Okay, that’s enough. Nari you need to stop, too” your boss said.

“Why do you keep putting on a show?” you asked Nari with anger in your voice.

“Have you lost it? What did you just say to her?” the driver asked and pushed your shoulder, making you stumble backwards, almost colliding with the floor.

“Hey!” you heard a masculine voice and suddenly, the driver was pinned against the van. Your eyes widened when you saw Jungkook holding him by the collar with a livid expression. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were wide with rage. “What the fuck is your problem, man? Putting your hands on my girl?” 

The driver started panicking. “S-sorry, man. I didn’t know-”

“You didn’t know what? That you simply don’t put your hands on a woman?” he asked, through gritted teeth.

“Okay, honey, that’s enough” you tried, and you grabbed his arm.

Jungkook turned his head and looked at you, his expression softening. He slowly pulled away from the man and he scrambled to his feet and walked back to his seat.

“You okay?” he asked you, cupping your face in your hands. “Did he hurt you?”

You looked at him, starry-eyed, thinking, how was it possible that this man was real?

“I’m okay, I’m okay” you smiled.

You felt somebody clearing her throat and you two turned around, to find Nari glaring at you two. 

“Um… yeah, so I’m gonna go” you said slowly, and then checked your watch. “It’s already twelve so…”

“Yeah. Y/N, you go ahead. I’ll meet you at the salon tomorrow. Thank you for your work” your boss said.

Nari gasped. “You can’t possibly think that Y/N can go without getting punished for yelling at me! Also, who is this?” Nari asked, regarding to Jungkook but not without checking him up and down.

You felt yourself shaking with jealousy and you grabbed his hand, linking your fingers with him. 

“He’s my boyfriend” you said to her with a simple smile.

Jungkook’s eyes widened and looked at you, and he couldn’t help the wide smile that spread across his face. Karina was happily smiling at you two, as well.

Nari snorted. “That’s your boyfriend?” she asked you. “Yeah, sure” 

“Ye-” you were about to reply when you felt Jungkook tugging your face upwards and placed a big peck on your lips. When he pulled away, your face was red from the blush that spread out on your cheeks and he just kept a straight face the entire time. 

Jungkook looked at Nari and smiled. “My girlfriend is free to go, then?” he asked your boss.

“Yes, young man. You are free to go” she smiled at you two. 

“Great, let’s go, Jagiya” he said, tugging you to him.

What the hell was that?

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

Jungkook drove you two to a restaurant to have some lunch and he left you inside so he could go park the car at the garage. 

Meanwhile, you ordered something for the both of you to drink and took your phone out. 

You decided to text the group chat you had with your friends. 

You: guess what?

You drank a little from your diet coke while waiting for their reply that came in quicker than you expected.

Jimin: what???

Taehyung: oh- oh i’m scared

You: i finally found to courage and basically told nari to go fuck herself!!!!!

Karina: she REALLY did

Seokjin: are you kidding meeeee???????

Seokjin: freaking finally bitch

Taehyung: say that again?

Jimin: oh thank god.

Jimin: i was about to do it for you, Y/N i swear

You giggled and then put your phone down when you saw Jungkook walking towards you holding a big smile. 

“Hey, did you find a good spot?” you asked him.

“Yeah, sort of. Just around the block” he told you.

You hummed and then, from your side-eye, you could see a group of girls giggling to themselves while looking at Jungkook, up and down, like he was a goddamn piece of meat. Just like Nari had done just a couple of minutes ago.

You frowned and then sighed, looking at Jungkook with a huge smile. 

“What are we having, baby?” you asked him loudly, so that the girls could hear. 

Without even looking at them, you could feel the stares towards you. 

Jungkook stared at you, wide-eyed and his cheeks turned a shade of pink. He sat down after putting his coat on the back of the chair and gave you a curious look.

“I ordered you diet coke as well” you smiled at him, batting your eyelashes.

“Thank you, Jagi” he said, looking at you, dreamily.

The girls at this point, had looked away and started talking about something else. You looked at them and then back at your boyfriend.

Jungkook followed your gaze and felt like laughing when he understood where it was coming from. 

“Did you just get jealous?” he asked you.

You clicked your tongue. “As if” you said and then pouted. “But don’t go smiling around like that, okay? You’re making girls drop their panties without even trying”

Jungkook smiled at you and chuckled. “I think those middle schoolers made you jealous” he states.

You looked at them and bit your lip when you noticed that, in fact, they were wearing school uniforms. 

“Didn’t it, baby?” he said, winking at you.

You rolled your eyes. “Fine, that’s enough, Jungkook” you said, trying not to laugh. 

He gasped and clutched his heart dramatically. “Why did you stop calling me baby, Jagi?” he asked you. “It hurts me”

You chuckled and then the waiter came in to take your order.

When he was gone, Jungkook felt like asking something. “Why did you call me your boyfriend back there?” he asked you.

You pushed your tongue to the inside wall of your cheek. “Um, well… cause Nari tends to throw herself at every single person holding a dick and I didn’t want her to do that with you, too” you told him. “He’s done it to Jimin with me and Tae with Karina”

Jungkook smiled. “So, you were jealous?”

“Ugh, you’re making me sound toxic right now” you let out a breath. 

“No, no, not at all” Jungkook shook his head. “I find it cute” he shrugged. “Especially knowing that I haven’t seen you in a long ass time, now we’ve reconnected and… I don’t know, it still feels like things haven’t changed. And I love that” 

You smiled at his heartfelt words. “Yeah… but I don’t think me getting jealous was okay, I’m sorry” you said and felt embarrassed all of a sudden.

“Well, is it bad that I don’t find it wrong? I mean, it means you feel something for me” he said and he sounded hopeful.

You bit your lip and looked away. “Kind of?” you mumbled.

“What was that?” he asked out loud.

“Nothing, nothing” you shook your head and Jungkook just laughed. 

“If it makes you feel any better, I was really jealous when I heard Jimin was taking you out on dates” he told you. 

“Really?” you asked him with a grimace. 

“Yeah” he nods. 

“Well, you have nothing to worry about, because we talked with Jimin and everything’s sorted out. He gets that… well, I don’t feel the same way as he does” you tell him. “And he was the one that told me you were going to the States”

“I guess I have to send him some big ‘thank you’ flowers then” Jungkook smiled.

“I guess we both do”

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

You and Karina were having some girl time at her house and she had applied a nice face mask on your face.

“What is this made of, again?” you asked her, looking at yourself in the mirror as you touched and felt the material. 

“Apparently it is a coconut scented charcoal mask” she told you.

“And where did you find them?” you asked her, arching an eyebrow as much as you could. You found the packet extremely familiar. 

“Oh, I just stole them from the salon” she said nonchalantly. 

Your eyes widened as big as you could due to the mask. “Karina! You could get fired”

“What? We had to suffer Nari’s nagging bitchy self. The least they could do is gift us two face masks” she said to you. “Plus, they were like 50 cents each, so who cares?”

“50 Cents? Are you sure they’re not expired?” you chuckled at her.

She grabbed the packet and chuckled. “They expire tomorrow, we’re safe” 

“Thank God. I wouldn’t want my face to look like a freaking blobfish now that me and-” you stopped yourself right when you were about to say it.

Karina gasped and hit your shoulder. “Now that you and Jungkook what?” she asked you. “Oh my God, did you guys fuck? Did you get back together?” 

“No to both of them. Though that last one might seem closer than I’d like to admit” you told Karina.

Karina smirked and tickled your side. “Come on, bitch. Just give in already. You deserve to be happy and it’s obvious Jungkook’s the main source to get it from” she insisted.

“I know, and I will. I just want to take it slow” you told her. “At least as far as I can go”

“It’s understandable” she said. Then, she let out a frustrated sigh. “God, Taehyung is not answering my texts”

You frowned. “What’s up with you and him anyways? Since I got here, you’ve been pouting and looking at your phone”

She sighed and sat down on the toilet lid. “We had a fight this morning, that’s all” she said. “But he hasn’t answered to my texts. I just wanna know if he’s okay or… you know, we’re okay. But also where’s he at”

You smiled and knelt in front of her. “Don’t worry, Kook told me him and Tae they’re having boys night”

Karina’s eyes widened and she ripped the mask from her face. “Yo, what?” she said.

“Didn’t he tell you?” you asked her. “I thought- I mean, he received a text from Tae when we were having lunch”

“No, he didn’t!” Karina said and took her phone out and gasped when she opened instagram. “That little bitch!” 

You looked at her phone and gasped as well. 

It was a picture of Jungkook and Taehyung at the entrance of a bar. A single’s bar. 

“What are those two doing at a bar?” Karina yelled. “They’re not single! The only reason a man goes to a bar is to fuck!”

You got a jealousy shiver down your spine at the mention of Jungkook fucking someone else. “Well, technically-”

“Yeah, technically my ass, Y/N. Jungkook is with you and Taehyung is with me. This is wrong, we have to go now!” Karina insisted. “Are you with me? Cause I’m gonna go either way”

You sighed, you weren’t about to let your friend go alone at a bar at night. You took your face mask off and nodded. “Let’s go”

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

When you two found the bar that Tae had posted the photo at, you found Taehyung sitting by a bench with his phone, outside of said bar.

Karina grumbled as she walked towards him and he looked up, his eyes widening when he found his girlfriend in front of him.

“What are you and Jungkook doing here?” she spat, nudging to the bar.

“Eh?” he asked, confused by her sudden outburst. 

Your eyes flew all around the place. “Where the hell is Jungkook?” you asked him. 

“Oh my God, we went over there” he said and pointed to a nice little restaurant. “We were just hungry and we took a picture in front of our usual place, before he went to the states okay?” Taehyung said. “And may- maybe I just wanted to make you a little jealous” he mumbled and Karina slapped his arm.

“You wanted to make me jealous?” Karina grumbled.

“Hey! Where is Jungkook?” you asked, gripping Tae’s arm.

Suddenly, you felt a pair of familiar arms slipping around your waist and tugging you close.

“Jagiya!” he slurred and then hiccuped.

Great. Jungkook’s drunk.

You glared at Tae who winced. “You let him get drunk?” you growled at him, grabbing his sleeve and shaking him.

He gave you a sheepish smile and let out a nervous laugh. “Kind of? He looked like he needed the drink”

“Nobody needs the drink, Taehyung” you shook your head. 

You felt Jungkook chuckling against your neck. “That’s right. I don’t need drinking. I need you, babe…” he drawled out.

“Oh my God” you whispered. “You guys can go, we’ll take a taxi” you told them.

Taehyung and Karina watched you walk away and then Tae gasped when he felt Karina grab his arm.

“You’re in serious trouble, Mister”

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

The taxi pulled up by his building and you had to literally drag him out of the vehicle. You felt like cursing Jungkook for working out so goddamn much at the gym because he was so freaking heavy.  

“Holy shit, you’re heavy” you gasped.

“All muscles, baby” he whined, flexing his arm.

“Yeah, yeah, come on, gym bro” you chuckled. “Don’t you ever drink like this again, you hear me?”

Jungkook only hummed drunkenly. 

You reached his apartment and closed the door behind you. 

“Where are we?” he asked, blinking his eyes as he took in his surroundings. 

“Where? We’re at your place, Jungkook” you told him with a pant as you let him plop down on his bed. 

“God, my head is spinning” he groaned once his head hit the mattress. You tried taking off his jacket with a groan but he kept groaning and moving around. “Are we— hick!- are gonna have sex now?” he asked you.

You profusely blushed and continued trying to take off his jacket. “No, Jungkook, I’m trying to take off your clothes so I can change you into your pajamas and so we can sleep”

“Oh…” he mumbled in disappointment. 

He fell asleep instantly and you let out a snort.

“My God… you’re lucky I love you” you whispered out and then covered your mouth. You checked if he was still asleep and, thankfully, he was. “Okay…” you sighed and walked to his kitchen, in hopes to find something to eat. 

When you came back with a cup of noodles, you saw his eyes slightly open and then he frowned at you.

“Hey, go to sleep, Kook” you said, sitting next to his body.

“Who are you?” he asked you.

Oh boy.

“I’m Y/N, do you remember who I am?” you told him.

“Y/N…” he drawled out. “My girlfriend’s name is also Y/N, what a coincidence, eh?” he let out a drunk chuckle into the air. 

He then opened his eyes and closed them slightly again.

“You’re pretty too” he pointed out. 

You chuckled. “Is that right?” you smiled. “Then… do you wanna break up with your girlfriend and date me instead?” you felt like playing with him a little.

He shook his head. “No!” he said like a little kid. “I belong to Y/N. Only her” he pouted. 

You let out a little laugh and shook your head. “That’s too bad” you chuckled. If only he knew. “I’m gonna get going, then”

You stood up and then felt him grabbing your wrist.

“Come here” he mumbled.

He pulled you to the bed and you fell right into his arms. He wrapped himself all around you and put his face in your neck.

“Good night” Jungkook mumbled into your neck. “I… love you so much, Jagi” he whispered.

You felt your heart doubling its size and pressed your lips together, trying to contain your need to say it back.

You’d tell him sober.

He hid his face further into your neck and you wrapped your arms around him, falling into a deep slumber.

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

Jungkook’s eyes fluttered open and he found himself in his room. He recalled being with Taehyung at a bar and having a little bit too much to drink. 

Surprisingly, his headache was tolerable so he didn’t want to make a fuss about it,

Especially when he noticed that you were lying asleep in his arms, with your cheek squished into his chest while your arms were tightly wrapped around him. 

He smiled and sighed, caressing your cheek. 

Your eyes fluttered open and you stirred with a long breath. You moved your head upwards and found him staring at you.

It caught you in surprise, so you sprung out from his hold and sat up.

“Hey, what’s up?” he asked you, worried about why you had pulled away from him. 

“I- I just- it’s late, I should- you know- go” you said, getting nervous.

“It’s okay, you can- I mean, you can stay here” Jungkook said. “Like you said, it’s late”

You grabbed your phone and looked at the time. 02:42.

Yeah it was too late. 

“Um, you know… I don’t- I don’t wanna bother you” you said, feeling your hands start sweating.

Jungkook confused your nerves for anxiety and he sat up on the bed.

“I can take you home, if you’d like. I should find my keys though” he said.

You licked your lips. “You drank tonight, though. You shouldn’t” you told him softly. 

He looked at you and nodded. “Oh, right” he mumbled. “I can- I can call for an uber or- or something” he said, not really wanting to do any of those things. Jungkook wanted you to stay, but he didn't want to force you to do anything you weren’t comfortable with doing. 

“Mmm, I’ll call it myself. Don’t worry” you told him and quickly went to the uber app and typed in your address.

Jungkook walked you to the entrance and saw you frowning. “What is it?” he asked you.

“I don’t know, no one is picking up” you told him, letting out a frustrated huff. “It may be the hour, I should go outside maybe”

You opened the door of his apartment but he quickly grabbed the handle and shut it closed. 

You gasped at the sudden action and felt Jungkook moving behind you till his chest was pressed against your back.

He dug his nose in your neck and rubbed it on your skin. “Please stay with me” he whispered. “It’s late, Jagi” 

You turned around, slowly and looked into his eyes. 

“Don’t go” he said and pushed you against the door, covering your mouth in a heated kiss, making you gasp and card your hands in his hair. 

You felt your heart slamming against your rib cage but immediately calmed yourself down when you felt Jungkook sighing against your mouth, knowing he was dying to kiss you, and just be with you once again. 

His hands grabbed your thighs and wrapped your legs around his waist, so he could press his whole body against yours. 

“Fuck, I missed you so much, baby” he whispered against your lips as he kissed you again. 

You felt his lip ring brushing against your lip and you almost cried at how much you had missed that feeling.

It was stupid really, but you had grown so used to that feeling every single day, that when you went a year without it, feeling it again made something explode in your chest, filling you with warmth.

“I missed you too, Kook” you whispered back into the air.

He took his lips away from yours with a groan and pressed your forehead against yours. 

“Do you… do you feel comfortable doing this?” he asked you. “Do you want to keep going? We can stop if this is too much, I get it-”

You cut him off with a passionate kiss, as you grabbed both sides of his face. He groaned into your mouth and kissed you back just as hard. 

You pulled away and looked into his boba eyes. “Take me to your room, baby” you whispered.

Jungkook felt every part in his body hardening and pulled you away from the wall, walking towards his room with you in his arms.

「 ✦ 𝐍𝐨 𝐨𝐧𝐞'𝐬 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐦𝐞, 

𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ✦ 」

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

PREVIOUS // NEXT

[ryder-writes]

After the Dinner- Natuso x GN!Reader

A/n: I don't think I've ever written reverse comfort before tbh. It was an experience lol. Ive also never written for Natsuo before so srry if I messed up the relationship with his family and stuff

CW: Reverse comfort, take place before Dabi's reveal, family issues, mention of abuse

WC: 841

Natsuo felt heavy. Exhausted. He knew he shouldn't have gone. Why did he even bother at this point? Nothing was going to change. He would never forgive him. 'Forgive but never forget'- four words he never hoped to hear from his therapist and would never follow. How could he forgive a literal monster? The sole cause for the death of his childhood, his relationship with his family, his peace?

He swallowed, a faint burning in the back of his throat. Every dinner ended in yelling. Every. Single. One. Him and Endeavor- his dear dad- screaming, Fuyumi trying to calm them both down. It rarely worked. They were all forgiving him too fast, really. At least Shoto wasn't taking his 'apology' quite yet. Natsuo sighed, trying to calm himself down. He unclenched his fists, feeling the coldness dissipate from his palms. His quirk tended to activate whenever his heart rate increased a lot. He's pretty sure he accidentally left some frost on the door when he stormed out. Walking down the hallway to his apartment, he took a deep breath. He never liked falling apart in front of you. Even though he knew you would catch him.

-

You knew that Natsuo would be different when he came home. And, as much as you wanted to greet him with a hug and tell him that everything was going to be okay, you couldn't. 9 times out of 10 he just needed space to cool down. So, that's what you gave him.

-

When you heard the front door open followed by the lack of a tired "Hey, honey" or "I'm home", you knew things got pretty bad. You could faintly make out the sound of the door closing and him putting his shoes in the little organizer by the door. You stayed in bed, knowing that he would come to you when he was ready. If he wanted to talk. You heard his footsteps get louder as he walked towards your shared bedroom. He pushed the cracked door open, immediately going to the dresser to grab some clothes. He didn't acknowledge you, so you didn’t acknowledge him. You would wait- as long as it took.

After taking a cold shower, Natsuo felt a little better. He felt clean for the first time in hours. He walked back the bedroom in gray sweatpants and a white tank-top, putting his dirty clothes into the hamper in the corner. The bed dipped beside you as he sat down. You continued to look at your phone, waiting until he was ready. You heard him sigh. In your peripheral vision, you saw his hands drag across his face. He exhaled a shaky breath. You put your phone down and shifted a little towards him. This caused him to lock eyes with you. You saw the sadness and exhaustion. The pain. The bed creaked as he lunged forward and wrapped his arms around your shoulders. He started to shake, finally allowing himself to cry. Your right hand found it's way to his hair, scratching gently. Nothing was said between you two for a while, the only sounds being the air conditioning and Natsuo's soft cries (when he was little he taught himself to cry quietly and still does it to this day).

Your hands grounded him, reminding him of where he was: here, with you. His fiancé. He sniffled and mumbled something.

"Hm?" You questioned, unable to hear what he said.

"'m sorry."

"There's nothing to apologize for, baby." You kissed his temple. "I'm always gonna be here, no matter what. I'm not going anywhere." He hugged you tighter, afraid you would evaporate into thin air if he let go.

You sat there for another few minutes before Natsuo spoke up again.

"How does he expect us- me- to forgive him…? He ruined our lives. W-we were just kids." He sniffles, leaving your neck and resting his forehead against yours.

"You don't have to forgive him. There's no obligation." You remind him.

"Touya wouldn't've forgiven him." The soft whisper leaves his mouth before he has a chance to stop it. He had told you about Touya and his death, albeit hiding many details and specifics about it.

You grabbed his hands off of your shoulders and held them to your heart. He could feel your warmth and the faint beat of your pulse. It was then he realized how thankful he was for you. How much he loved you. And how much that scared him.

You seemed to read his mind and kissed his forehead.

"You're not him. You are Natsuo. You are my partner, the love of my life, my fiancé. Nothing will change that. Nothing will change who you are."

You looked down and saw a single tear run down his left cheek.

"Thank you."

You kiss the tear away.

"Of course, baby. Are you feeling better?"

He hummed, feeling the dryness of his throat. He leaned forward and nuzzled your noses together. You giggled, happy to see the playful side of your partner start to peek out again.

My Masterlist :]

[captainkirkk]

✩ WEEKLY FIC ROUND-UP ✩

All the fics I’ve read and really enjoyed in the past week-ish. Reminder: This list features any and all ratings and themes. Please look at tags and warnings on ao3 before reading.

Marvel

Dumb, Dumber and Dumbass by tempestaurora

As Coach Wilson peered out the window in the living room, May said, very quietly, “You didn’t realise your brother worked at Peter’s school?”

“We all make mistakes!” Sam hissed.

Then Coach Wilson was leaning back and a figure in a hoodie and jeans stepped through the window and into the living room, and Peter’s heart sank into his stomach like a rock. Sam’s brother was, true to story, scarred from head to toe. He could see the puckered skin on his hands, the burns across his bald head. But that wasn’t the shocking part—the shocking part was that he’d already seen it before: he’d seen it when a certain vigilante’s suit had been destroyed three nights before, and Peter had walked with him back to his backpack to loan him some clothes.

“This is Wade,” Sam introduced.

Sam Wilson had two brothers: one was Peter’s gym teacher, and the other was fucking Deadpool.

OR: A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Family Dinner, during which Peter and May meet Sam's family. Meanwhile, Tony sends constant text updates about his search for whoever graffiti-ed Avengers Tower.

Death Before Inaction by hppjmxrgosg

"Fuck off, Nicky.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Hasn’t anyone ever told you spider-napping is illegal?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “You can’t hold me here, I know my spider-rights.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “God, you guys are so old. What are you? Like 27?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Scale of 1 to 10, how upset would you be if I told you I banged your mom?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Or, I got my grubby little hands on the spider-man time line and fucked around a little bit. Not much (everything) changes.

DC / Star Wars (Crossover)

Obi-Wan in Gotham by hoebiwan (+ podfic)

Obi-Wan falls through a hole in the universe and ends up in the Batcave.

Clone Wars

the war has just begun by unintentionalgenius

The first problem was that the Supreme Commander didn’t give them enough warning about what they were stumbling into, when they were ordered out into it. Someone above General Kenobi’s head sent the men planetside in standard-issue gear, without thermal clothing or heat packs or sleeping kit or enough food for more than a single day. They had no extra ammo, no tents, no heavy artillery. They had barely any warning.

The second problem was that Supreme Command underestimated the strength of the enemy; it was supposed to be an easy enough job, holding the planet long enough to route the Seppies and then right back to the ship, leaving a contingent of troopers stationed there to retain what they’d won.

The third problem - the real problem - came when they let themselves become surrounded and the Separatists cut their supply line. Cody’s partially at fault for that one; a better Commander would’ve seen it coming. A better Commander would’ve had more backup plans, been prepared for more contingencies.

Being cut off from re-supply would’ve been a problem before the snow started.

Then the snow started.

I've never made it with moderation by Trixree (+ podfic)

He’d known how some of the men are with younglings—known from Waxer and Boil how sharply those attachments can form with little ones. Hell, the men were raised to be protective, so much so that Obi-Wan has often wondered if their protective drive was not written into their very atoms, some intrinsic part of their DNA.

It wasn’t something Obi-Wan had ever questioned. He’d thought he had understood the scope of it. In reality, he hadn’t understood a thing.

Not until Kamino.

Or: Not all that dive from cliffs make a running head start. Sometimes, the Fall is only a natural progression.

Standards of Professionality by Trixree

"Are we going to pretend I didn’t just find you fucking your General, vod?” Rex hisses over private-comm.

Cody doesn’t even turn his head to look at him. Rex can hear the smile in Cody’s voice when he replies, “No, because I am not fucking my General, Rex’ika. I am fucking Obi-Wan. We are professionals.”

5 times Cody and Obi-Wan struggled to maintain plausible deniability regarding their affections for one another + 1 time they decidedly Did Not.

The Hunger Games

Lover & Loner by amateurwordbender

Haymitch once told him that he’s a survivor. It hadn’t been a compliment; he’d slurred out the words in pity after finding Finnick shaking apart from a panic attack.

Jo’s a survivor, too.

(Finnick and Johanna, from the moment they meet to the bitter end)

Original Works

for the want of a jewel by FormlessVoidbeast

With his country fallen to the unstoppable tide of the Dread Warlord, a terrified king sends a peace offering of his own flesh and blood in the hopes of buying leniency.

When Prince Damian of Miska is accepted as the symbol of his country's surrender and immediately wedded to the Warlord, he expects his fate to be both painful and humiliating, and his death inevitable. To his confusion, the Warlord and his terrible Warlock seem to have no interest in abusing that which they have claimed as their own. As Damian finds his feet and gains friends in a new land, he begins to question everything he once thought was true.

But some jewels were never meant to be sold, and the consequences of Damian's sacrifice are more far-reaching than anyone expected.

[oncewhenalongtimeago]

I would love a "Sorry, but I Think I Lost Your Plot" in the POV of Hiccup again. The way you write from his perspective is great to read, especially with him fumbling (literally and figuratively) around our reader.

Sorry, but I Think I Lost Your Plot pt 16

Pairing: Onesided!Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III x Modern!Fem!Reader

Words: 2,107

Hiccup talks to his dad and does some illegal town-ly maintenance. Stoick finally asks Hiccup to stop following you but he’s unfortunately a little late on the draw.

Tags: Time Travel, Reader into Movieverse, Hiccup’s POV, unedited

<Previous - Next>

Hiccup stared out a crack in the door, pulling on the corner of his coat.

There was a short crunch from off to the side as he wondered what had brought you up the hill.

He could try the colored tailfins again. That was sure to catch your attention.

Hiccup had spent his afternoon hiding around corners shiftily, carrying seeds he’d just picked up from the docks and secreted away in his coat, sneaking back to his home.

Someone had been hoarding them, and it took him a pretty penny to get his hands on. 

He’d never saved anything ever and he worked at the forge scott free so it was more like something he’d have to pay in favors. Hopefully it was worth it.

He saw you walking down the hill from his house to the village and peered down at your retreating back as you became a speck, standing up on his toes in order to try and get a better look as the angle of his house on the hill became more and more of an issue.

He made a mental note to ask his Dad about why you were up there later.

He heard another crunch from the side.

Hiccup wasted barely a moment to shoot Toothless a look of betrayal, half marred by betrayal at his nonchalance as the Night Fury chewed on kindling and tracked it all over the house.

Said dragon’s head was low to the ground as he brunched through solid charcoal, paws awkwardly gripping the nearly horizontal end of the log.

His Dad was definitely not going to like that.

He promised himself that he was going to throw an eel into the fireplace when he had an eel. Hiccup made a note to jot that down for later.

His stupid dragon could be bought out by fish pretty easy on a normal day, but never when it came to his kindling. 

He’d clean it up later.

He spent a moment longer looking outside at sunny fields and almost didn’t notice the heavy beating of footsteps behind him and the shutting of the backdoor.

“Hiccup.”

He startled, turned and smiled awkwardly, face and shoulders stiff as he turned around, feeling and probably looking like a plank of wood.

Knowing he was there didn’t ever make it any easier.

He was met face to chest with his Dad, who he had to crane his head to look up at, looming above him.

His Dad talked to him to confirm if he was coming home that night for family dinner instead of going to the hall, something which no one else did. Hiccup wasn’t even sure if that was a privilege only they got or something.

Family dinners were definitely a new thing and Hiccup wasn’t sure how he felt about them, especially when most were spent chewing in silence.

He wasn’t sure if they could really be called family considering they were missing a very important member.

He had also, coincidentally, been avoiding his Dad.

Especially when he breached the subject of girls. But Hiccup wasn’t sure his Dad knew which girl Hiccup liked. He was able to shoot off a quick excuse and run for it, usually. He was very good at that. 

But really, who had he been talking to? Gobber?

His father cleared his throat awkwardly, glancing towards the door and back at his son, “So, you like-”

Definitely Gobber.

“Nope, no,” Hiccup said in a tone he hoped was dry, shoulders stiff as he stared at the wall out of the corner of his eye,  ignoring the slightly cold sweat that was beginning to gather at the back of his neck, “Can we talk about something else?”

Stoick gave him a look, “Don’t be following her around, you hear?”

“Huh?” Hiccup asked, voice cracking awkwardly.

Hiccup shoveled a palmful of dirt over a small lump in the ground with his hands, knees digging into the overturned dirt below, feeling pleased with himself. 

He sat back on the ground, pulling his legs out from under him to sit in something resembling a loose leg cross. 

He dropped his hands into the dirt, not minding the grit as it dug under his nails.

He stared at the good sized pouch by his side, mostly empty.

Getting ahold of the seeds was difficult considering you were the one and only delivery girl on Berk.

The package was a sort weighty, though nothing anywhere near unmanageable.

He wondered if it would be appropriate to get you a satchel or something. He could make it out of some of the leather he had left lying around the forge. He could pull out some tools, too, and print a few knots around the border of the hypothetical top flap. 

The beads dotted around the twine encircling his wrists and lining the draws of his tunic shifted, making a sort of barely noticeable crumpling noise as he moved.

You gave him a lot of those. Did that count as you liking him back? 

Hiccup groaned, leaning back on his hands and blinking into the sky, then closing his eyes.

He’d never been the type to wear jewelry -he’s always imagined that to be Snotlout’s thing, he always eyed that one guy down by the docks with the nose ox ring- but you gave them to him. 

He, against all odds, liked them a lot.

He wasn’t a planter, either. He hated it, actually. But… You said it. Girls liked flowers. Girls where you came from liked flowers. Girls here liked flowers, maybe. Hiccup never asked.

How long did it take roses to grow, anyways?

Hiccup shifted slightly, staring at one end of a scaled wall, debating whether or not it was a good time for him to bolt away from the flowerbed he was crouched on, despite the permission he’d gotten to be there.

Certain types of dragon dung made plants grow faster. He picked that up from some of the grain harvesters down by the fields, overheard it while he was messing around when he was younger, definitely illicit and something that they didn’t want getting back to his Dad then and something that, recently, Fishlegs was amicable enough to confirm.

Hiccup made an expression he hoped conveyed his appropriately sectioned disgruntlement.

He poured some into the large dragon feed bins. When the dragons dropped dung from the sky, they’d also be dropping rose seeds. They didn’t pass through dragons like they did other animals. Hopefully no one noticed.

Maybe he could find an import somewhere for a full bush. But he didn’t have anything to trade.

He didn’t even know if there were full rose bushes in the Archipelago.

Once they sprouted, convincing the other Vikings to take care of the rose bushes was going to be difficult, if the sprouts didn’t get trampled first.

He could pass it off as some public service effort, but really he was just doing it to try and woo you. The public service thing would definitely please his Dad, though.

Oh, gods. Hiccup was hit with immediate regret. 

The dragons were definitely going to burn the rose bushes and he would have spent a handful of coins for nothing. 

Could he paint the roses? He still had paint left from the other day. It made great fireproofing. He thought about making a mask, or something. That would be cool.

How much water did roses need, anyways?

He had no idea how he was going to convince his Dad that pipes were worth the resources it’d take to make and maintain them.

He imagined talking about it over the dinner table. Definitely not.

“What are you doing?” Came the deep-ish squeaks of a voice, probably a mirage, called to him like a fairy or a fae or a troll or something evil because he thought it. He ignored the thick shadow that overcame him.

“I can help!” The voice of Fishlegs squeaked again.

Hiccup glanced to the side, where indeed Fishlegs was looming over him, “Unless you like growing things, you can’t help me”

“I like gardening,” Fishlegs insisted, “And I’d… I’d like some flowers for R-my mother!”

“Roses?” Hiccup asked, leaning on his knees.

“Oh-oh!” Fishlegs said, “If you need help, if you’re trying to- you know, for her- she and my mother-”

He scowled again, feeling sort of grumpy and a little bit sad.

Hiccup definitely didn’t have a mother for you to learn with. And he wasn’t sure he wanted to take advice from the lord of suck. Again. Even if it was good advice.

“R-Right, well, nevermind about that,” Fishlegs continued, though Hiccup didn’t pay as much attention to why, “You need help growing roses?”

“No,“ Hiccup urged, miming to Gobber, arms waving from where he stood, alarm rocketing up his spine, secreted away in the shadows of an alley with Toothless.

Said Gobber was too busy peering around Hiccup’s father’s side to pay him any mind, roughly pushing his Dad’s tough, metal plated shoulder, urging him forwards.

Hiccup pulled his prosthetic out of the slightly sunken ground, where it had dipped in after he had tried to go around patting down damp upturned dirt with his boot, a leftover from the other day he’d spent planting seeds around Berk with Fishlegs.

Toothless, being Toothless, snorted, nodding to both Gobber and Hiccup’s father, blending slightly in with the shade in which both he and Hiccup hid.

Hiccup glared at him.

Toothless dropped his eyelids and stared blankly back as if asking Hiccup what he expected.

“I know, Bud. You don’t need to say it,” He grumbled.

How a dragon could be so expressive was lost on him.

There was obviously not much Hiccup could do to rebuke him, a few tons heavier and a lot more fiery in the throat than Hiccup himself in a very literal way, but he was sure he was going to kick the Night Fury off his bed the next time he tried to crawl in.

Hiccup liked it better when he was sleeping on his own anyways. Unless, of course-

Toothless smack him on the back of his head with his tail.

“Ow,” Hiccup rubbed his head, grumbling at his dragon.

Toothless slept on the foot of his bed some weekends which was a pain in the leg. Time two when, on special occasions only, he tried to set it on fire in his sleep.

You were standing in the sunlight, booted toes digging into the dirt, looking quite confused with a pile of possibly clean laundry in your arms, draped over both and occupying the grip of one hand, a coat with the Thorston crest thrown over your shoulders.

Stoick looked back at you with a blank expression, his large beard twitching. His helmet seemed to cover half his face as he stared blankly forwards. 

He looked sort of exhausted by the situation as you stared back, with another thin package in your other, free hand.

Hiccup couldn’t believe it.

Gobber tried to nudge his father forward again with his hammer arm, which didn’t do much. Even jumping into Stoick with his shoulder didn’t do anything and Stoick didn’t move an inch until he chose to move his feet, looking back at Gobber tiredly.

“What is your relationship with my son?”

“Huh?” You asked. He heard your voice vaguely from where he stood, not particularly hidden around the bend of a large house frame.

You seemed very focused on his Dad, though. Anyone would be in the situation. At least, that’s what Hiccup thought.

Everything in him burned with embarrassment. A little bit of him was very irritated with his Dad, sort of annoyed, too. 

Who tipped him off, anyways?

“How…” Hiccup’s Dad looked down at the card, comically small compared to his large hands, “Do you handle responsibility?”

Gobber threw his hands up in the back, waving them around like very thick sausages, freezing only when, finally, he caught Hiccup’s eye, frozen like a Terror on top of a fish barrel.

“Do you have any parents who would be open to discussion about-” Stoick asked gruffly, looking very unimpressed as Gobber walked up and tried to smack him on the back of his head, gesturing towards where Hiccup was hidden in an alley, trying to turn his attention away from you and only him.

Tried, being the key word.

Hiccup choked back a yelp as he half scrambled half backed very dignifiedly further back into the alley, swearing to the Gods Almighty that- Well, that- He couldn’t do much on his Dad’s front but he was definitely never talking to Gobber again.

[questionableratatouille00]

ᴄᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ? (ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴀɪɴ)

Pairing: Sambucky (Sam Wilson x Bucky Barnes) 

Summary: How Bucky discovered that there is beauty in scary things.

Bingo Fill: ‘Free Space’ on my ‘Vacation’ card for @sambuckylibrary’s sambucky summer bingo!

Warnings: weather, anxiety, hurricane mention, storms, rain.

He had been in storms before. It rained in Brooklyn back in the forties. Heavy rain for long periods of time often meant having to take care of a sick Steve Rogers. It meant unease and worry, because sometimes even a small cold really seemed to put Steve’s body to the test.

But there was a hint of calm in storms. The constant sound of rain provided gentle background noise. Bucky liked to read by the window for this reason.

During the war, rain meant being wet and being in danger. Not a great mix. But it’s not like he remembered much of the trenches anyway, the most that came to him was torture and fear, and that only came through flashbacks.

HYDRA didn’t care what the weather was, if there was a mission he was going to complete it. He can’t remember much about his opinions on weather from that time. It doesn’t really matter, and he knows that, but he still wishes he had all his memories.

Or maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he doesn’t want to bear that cross.

Nowadays he likes storms. Or rather, he doesn’t dislike them. He’s more neutral on the topic.

So he’s indifferent when the storm outside begins to pick up. It’s not a hurricane, he’s absolutely positive of that. But it is some rough weather. Not something you’d want to be driving in, especially because of the water so close by.

Bucky stood at the window, watching the rain. Sarah kept stressing about flooding as she made sure the boys didn’t have any online homework to do.

Sam chased her around the house, trying his best to reassure her that flooding wasn’t an issue. She didn’t seem to want to listen.

“It could be a hurricane.” She huffed, her brows furrowed. “Boys, are your bedroom windows closed?” She kept rushing around gathering bottles of water. The boys weren’t even in the living room.

“Sarah, it is not a hurricane. It’s just some rain.” Sam followed behind her as she passed him water bottles. “You’re stressing yourself out.”

“It could flood. I do not have the time to deal with water damage, Sam.” She stressed. “Boys!” She called again.

“And you won’t! It’s a small storm. It’ll be cleared up by tomorrow.” Sam said. Bucky checked his watch. It was 7:45 PM. They’d had dinner earlier, Bucky and Sam and Sam’s family.

Bucky felt bad for Sarah. She obviously had some kind of weather anxiety, something that Bucky understood. Rebecca had had it, back in the forties. Back in his childhood home.

Becca, when she was real little, maybe 4-7 years old, was absolutely terrified of thunderstorms. She hated the loud noises.

Whenever she’d be woken up by a bad dream brought up from the storm, she’d race into his room. He comfort her, hold her close to his chest until she’d stopped crying, and then he’d send her back to bed.

Those hugs worked for Becca. And they worked for Steve, too. Back in the forties, Steve would get anxious like that sometimes. Bucky couldn’t ever really tell if there was a common factor between those situations, but Steve would just cling on to Bucky. And Bucky would hold him close to his chest until Steve was feeling better.

Part of him wanted to offer that to Sarah, but how the hell do you say ‘hey, do you want me, a 106 year old ex-assassin, to hug you, a young and attractive woman, really tightly’?

The answer is: you don’t. Not really. But desperate times call for desperate measures.

Mustering all of his courage, he walked up behind her and wrapped her in his arms tightly, though he left space for her to get away.

She gasped and clutched at his arm for a moment before she relaxed in his arms.

“James Buchanan Barnes, what the hell are you doing?” She said after checking whether or not the boys were in the room.

And that reminded him of something. He remembered when he was a preteen boy, when his mother would say his full name when he was being ornery. She’d say Becca’s name like that, too. Rebecca Phoebe Barnes.

“It..helps.” He said vaguely, his brows furrowing in concern. “Right?”

She stood there, considering it for a moment, before nodding. “It does.” She admitted.

Bucky let go after a moment.

“Thank..you?” She seemed confused, but grateful. Bucky just smiled gently. “Worked for Steve and my sister, back in the ‘40s.”

Sam just stood there, and Bucky couldn’t tell if he was amused or concerned. Maybe a bit of both.

Once he let go, he walked back towards his boyfriend—saying that word felt odd—silently asking where he could be useful. 

Sam gestured with his head towards the small kitchen drawer where they Bucky knew they kept flashlights.

He went and grabbed them, all four. One hot pink, one bright blue, one silver, and one black. 

He held two in each hand as he glanced back up at the siblings.

“I think there’s some lantern-camping-lights—whatever they’re called—up in the attic. Can you two go grab them?” Sarah asked. 

Sam, humoring his sister, nods. “C’mon.” He pats Bucky’s back, leading him up the stairs and to his nephews’ room. 

Bucky follows him, standing in the room with Sam as Sam pulls open the door and pulls down the wooden stairs to the attic.

“I really don’t think that the power will go out, but she’s always had some nasty weather anxiety.” Sam murmured as he went up the wooden stairs. Bucky followed.

A loud boom of thunder made Sam flinch. Bucky was also startled, but not at the same level.

“Can’t say I’m a huge fan of loud noises in the sky, either.” Sam commented, unstacking some labeled plastic tubs.

Bucky nodded in sympathy, knowing what Sam was referring to. Riley.

“Can you check the camping bin?” Sam asked. Bucky nodded again, stepping around the dark attic.

“Sarah?” Sam calls, handing his sister one of the lanterns and three of the flashlights from Bucky’s hands.

In return, she hands him a small bag. Sam takes it, though it’s clear he thinks it’s pointless.

“AJ and Cass and I are gonna be in the storage room. Are you coming with me or camping out in the bathroom?” Sarah asked. Bucky looked at Sam.

“It’s fine. You go in there with the boys. Buck and I will be fine in the bathroom.” Sam decided, and Bucky nodded. Sarah seemed to be okay with this, considering the fact that she walked away. Sam led  Bucky to the downstairs bathroom, which had a tub-shower in it and everything, just like the upstairs bathroom. 

“She’s hella paranoid over storms. The storage room has no windows, so she always stays in there when the weather gets like this. It’s a small room, though. I doubt you wanted to be cramped up in a tiny room with no windows.” 

Bucky grimaces, shaking his head. “Yeah, I’m good on that.” 

They sit across from each other on the bathroom floor. 

“What’s in the bag?” Bucky asks after a moment.

“Water. Lots of water bottles. Some freeze dried snacks. Other snacks.” Sam begins to list as he opens the bag. “Batteries in a ziplock bag in case the flashlights or lanterns die. A walkie-talkie.” 

“She packs like she’s in the army.” Bucky notes, a soft smile on his face.

“Yeah. She’s always been the more planner one. Always thinking everything out instead of just doing it.” Sam murmurs, a grin on his lips. 

Then the light flickers. Bucky looks up. And then it flickers again.

And then it goes out. 

“Shit,” Sam chuckles, amused, as he turns on the lantern. 

Bucky shifts uneasily. 

Sam looks at him, a gentle look on his face. “I promise you, everything’s fine. The house is old, the power goes out when the weather gets rough. It happens.” 

Bucky nods, his knees comfortably against his chest. 

“Hey,” Sam said after a second. “Listen.” 

Bucky listened for whatever Sam was talking about. And all he heard was the rain.

It was a calming sound. Gentle, even as the sky roared around it. Like a flower growing in the crevice of a sharp and jagged rock.

Bucky liked the rain. This time, he was sure of it.

He gently reached for Sam’s hand. Sam took it, and much to Bucky’s surprise, didn’t make any teasing comments. 

They hold hands like that for a while. 

“Sam?” Bucky says after a long time.

“Yeah?” Sam glanced at him. 

“Thanks for being here.” Bucky hummed.

Sam only grinned. 

Graphics by @saradika-graphics

a/n: the first part of this fic was written in 2023. Because it’s technically a wip, I pray that it still fits in the bingo’s rules. However, since it was written in 2023 and finished in 2024, I’m sure there’s a discrepancy in the way I write or characterize the characters. I hope it’s not too noticeable—and if it is, my bad.

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Life Is Short So Make It Sweet

Chapter 24: When It All Goes Out

Summary- 5.8k Curtis Everett x Plus!Sized Reader. Returning from Florida meant returning to the last bit of winter weather and it hit with ferocity, leaving Duluth without power. Luckily Curtis is ready to handle such a challenge.

Warnings- Intimate sex and some talk of Curtis's past and his grandparents being ill from cancer and a stroke. Mentions of freezing cold weather? Is that a warning?

A/N- I had to throw in a winter storm because they are something I experience every year, along with losing our power when it is freezing ice cold and it is miserable. I need someone like Curtis who can make that experience a lot better! I also wanted to meet some more of his family and this seemed like a good way to do it. As always, thank you so much @what-is-your-plan-today for editing this, also thank you to everyone who has been following these two! Divider made by @firefly-graphics As always happy reading, Liking, Commenting, and Reblogging are so appreciated! 🐝

Chapter Twenty-Three / Masterlist

The end of February and beginning of March came in with the coldest snap of the year, the wind blew freezing temperatures off the lake and you swore you were moving to live with Jade after the fifth night you stood at your stove while stirring your pot of hot soup. Curtis was working on putting heavy sheets of clear plastic over your very drafty windows after he felt how much cold was creeping in, leaving your heat running constantly.

“I have plenty here if you want some dinner.” You muttered as you tasted the broth off the tip of your spoon. “But I’m sure you are sick of it by now?” 

Curtis was stretching to the tip of his toes to get the tape in place, giving you a glimpse of his pale belly, the Florida tan having faded away as fast as it arrived. You could feel yourself getting all wistful for the sun filtering through the palm trees in Frank and Jade’s backyard.

“Honey, if you're feeding me, I’m not going to have any complaints. Soup sounds warm and I’m still freezing from today. Sucks having to work outside on days like today. Should have seen Edgar. Had on so many layers he could barely move.” He moved back from the windows and checked the seams of the plastic. “Okay, I think this will help a bit. I don't feel a draft sneaking through anymore.” 

You clicked off the stove and hugged around his waist. “Thank you Curtis.” 

“I got your bedroom too, that was not quite as bad as these kitchen ones, but Honey this building has so many issues.” He frowned as his eyes roamed around your tiny apartment. 

“As soon as my lease is up, I’m moving. I’m not crazy about this place either. I was thinking about a little house next.” You said while easing back to the stove to ladle up the soup. “I miss having a garden to work in. I had the most beautiful one with my parents since I also lived in an apartment there.” You placed the bowels side by side at the table while Curtis picked up his supplies. “I always wanted a yard, with a porch either on the front or back of the house.” You smiled a bit at the thought of it, Curtis catching your wistful look while you daydreamed.

“You know my Gram had lots of gardens in that yard. If we can’t find the house you want, you can certainly use them.” He offered as you finished up the table with some drinks and warm bread that you had baked that afternoon, butter alongside it, because warm bread needed slathers of salty butter to bring it to life. It was something you used to deny yourself daily. Now you thoroughly enjoyed it whenever the mood struck. It started with you making it for Curtis, because he enjoyed it so much but now, it was just as much for yourself as him. 

Hearing Curtis mention the old garden beds at his own house made you perk up. “She did? Do you remember what was in them? Are they even still there?” 

“Yeah, they are still there, it wouldn’t be hard for me to rent a rototiller to break that ground back up for you. And she did everything, flowers, vegetables, herbs. There are some bushes and fruit trees back behind the treehouse that can probably be brought back to life. All her tools are still in the shed. Grandpa didn’t have the heart to toss them after she stopped being able to use them.” Curtis dunked a piece of bread in his soup and bit into it, letting his eyes slip to a close while he chewed, thoroughly enjoying his food. 

“I would love to revive your Grandmother's gardens Curtis.” You worked on sitting down but once again Curtis hooked an arm around your waist and pulled you to his lap, hugging around you. You didn’t try to pull away like before, just slid your bowl over close to his and took your own bite. You had to admit it was warmer in his hold, a feeling of security that you’ve grown accustomed to being with Curtis.

“Mmhh you’re so warm, makes me wish I could stay tonight.” He grumbled, knowing in this cold he had to keep his fire going and make sure his water didn’t freeze up. “She would appreciate it, I tried for a few years to keep them going after she passed, but it was so time consuming and I just didn’t have enough hours in the day and I just didn’t have the knack for keeping anything alive like she could.” 

“Trust me, I wish you could stay too. You are like a furnace when you’re sleeping, perfect to keep me warm tonight.” You chuckled, leaning into him as you took a bite of bread, savoring its rich warm taste. “I will send some of this bread home with you.” You twisted a bite off for Curtis and held it up to him, which he promptly took with a light nip to your fingertips. “Make yourself some toast tomorrow before work.” 

“You do that and I will just come back looking for more.” He teased you with a bypass on soup and bread for the curve of your neck, hitting that sweet spot of yours that always made your breath catch. Your hand lifted to cup the back of his head, making you breathe deeply while muttering a curse at him. 

“You're an absolute fucking menace Everett.” Making him laugh deeply, the vibrations from his chest felt in your back where you were pressed against him. “Keeping you coming back was my master plan though. However how about we go to a movie and dinner tomorrow? My Friday night treat?” 

“You wanna take me out on a date, Pretty Girl?” 

“Sure, gotta show you off once in a while.” You winked at him before turning back to your soup. 

“Well, I will be delighted, make sure I wear my finest beanie hat and coat you got me for Christmas.” Curtis promised, making your cheeks heat with affection at how happy he still was with his Christmas gifts. 

Friday you ended up waking up to a freezing cold apartment. You weren’t the only one you found out while you bundled up into several layers, your phone was flashing with weather alerts and school cancellations due to power. The cold snap ended up being matched with high winds that snapped frozen tree branches all over the place, knocking out several areas of power all over Duluth. 

You were bundling up in even more clothes, trying to remember all the things your dad taught you about what to do during a power outage like this when your phone rang with Curtis’s name popping up. 

“Hey.” You answered while curling up in your bed to get in the blankets. “You without power too?” 

“Yes, I woke up a while ago getting the fire going and making sure my water was running. Pack a bag, you should come stay with me. I’m going to go pick up my aunt to bring her here, Ella is packing up her and Sophia. It’s too cold for you all to be staying without heat.” 

You happened to agree and staying at Curtis’s sounds much better than your icebox of an apartment. 

“You are a literal knight in shining armor Curtis.” You made him chuckle into the phone. “Want me to grab anything?” 

“Nah, I got everything we need. If the car has a hard time starting, give me a call and I will pick you up. When you get here pull right into the garage.  The truck should be fine as long as I cover it from the wind.” He instructed and once you assured him you would be there soon, you hung up. 

Clothes weren’t much of a problem, you had plenty there. But you wanted to bring your laptop in case you were able to do a bit of work on it, plus you were sure Curtis had a small emergency battery you could plug it into to charge. You grabbed a few other things that you knew wouldn’t do well in the cold, including your tiny little spider plant you were just starting. You finally managed to get your bag of stuff you needed in the car and luck was with you as it quickly started without too much trouble.

When you got to Curtis’s place, going in through the garage, it was currently empty of any occupants. Your bag of stuff in one hand, your spider plant precariously balanced in the other, you called out Curtis’s name, not expecting any answer. “Guess it’s just me and you for now, Peter.” You muttered to your little sprig of greenery, making sure to place it in the living room where the wood stove was currently keeping the space toasty warm.

Figuring Curtis must be picking up his aunt, whom you had yet to meet, and Ella was coming with Sophia, you decided to get some hot water onto the stove, which luckily still managed to work with the flick of a lighter, enabling you to start heating up water and milk for drinks. Going into your cupboard above the stove, you brought down several teas, a container of instant coffee and a special mix of cocoa you had purchased with Sophia in mind. 

“Jesus Christ and tits, it's cold out.” Ella suddenly announced as she ushered Sophia through the garage door, holding onto her kid’s jacket before she could bolt off. “Get your boots off and go say hi to Y/N.” “I got some cocoa for Sophia going if she wants some.” You poked your head into the hallway to see if they needed any help. Ella tossed you a bag of clothes for you to take off her hands while she worked on getting Sophia out of the outside clothes.

“What do you say Soph, hot chocolate?” 

“Does it have the mallows?” She asked so solemnly and you nodded with enthusiasm.

“Unicorn ones. I picked them up last week when I was grocery shopping.”

Sophia’s brown eyes widened with excitement and she hurriedly wriggled out of her clothes while you went to set the bag of clothes in the living room. When you came back out to the kitchen, she was pulling the stool over to the counter to help assist in your cocoa making adventures. “Ella, you want anything?” 

“If you have any kind of coffee, I would fight my cousin and make you my girlfriend.” She shouted while she stuffed everything in the closet to get it out of the way. 

“I got instant.” you answered back while pouring the heated milk into a mug. “Careful Soph, it’s hot.” Grabbing the package, you emptied it into a flower mug for Sophia. 

“Oooh, they are pink and purple unicorns!” The little girl said excitedly as she carefully stirred the powder into the milk, changing the color to a soft brown color. She scooped a marshmallow and blew on it before biting it. “Mmmhh.”

“Perfect for today.” You agreed with Sophia while you made two more mugs, one with instant coffee for Ella and you drizzled some of your honey into another and a tea bag. Ella came in, pressing cold hands against her daughter's warming cheeks, making Sophia squeal and twist out of her mothers hold to march to the table with her mug.

“Ahhh, looks like I have to fight Curtis, good thing I fight dirty.” She wrapped her hands around her mug and stole a splash of warm milk and sugar to finish sweetening it. 

“I will be your cheerleader from the sideline. I am a great prize.” You snorted in laughter. “So what were your plans this weekend before all this?” 

“Oh Sophia was gonna go stay at my mother’s for an overnight while I went to the aquarium to help set up a new exhibit.” Ella sipped from her mug. “I will still go tonight if they let me. Right now everything is going into maintaining the generators, so they might not let any of us go ahead with doing the changeover exhibits.” she shrugged. “I’m actually okay if I have the weekend off. It was a pain in the ass touch tank, one that always is a bitch to deep clean those things.” 

“Momma!” Sophia scowled over her mug, sporting a chocolate mustache now. “You swore.” 

“Don’t worry, it will happen again.” Ella crossed her eyes at Sophia to make her giggle and went right back to her coffee and convo with you. “What about you and Curtis? Any plans this weekend?” 

“Ahh, we were going to do a little date night tonight when I got out of work. Movie and dinner, been a while since we have done that, but I don’t know how long this storm will keep the power out for. Staying in works for me though. I can spend the day in comfy clothes.” 

Ella shot out her leg to show the fuzzy pajama bottoms she was wearing sporting the batman logos and extra thick socks, one in bright pink, the other in purple. “I’m right there with you.” 

The rumble of a truck could be heard and Ella sprang from her chair to open the garage door. “Hey mom! Curtis! Just in time, Y/N has hot water going.” Ella’s arm wrapped around an older woman, half hidden in a giant winter coat and Curtis followed her hurriedly, his heavy boots thumping on the linoleum as if he was trying to warm up and get the door closed against the chill. You could just barely see him under his hoodie, which he shoved down off his head but kept his beanie on, pulling it down enough to cover the tops of his ears. 

“It’s like hell froze over out there.” He opted to kick his boots off and slip his jacket off to hang in the closet. 

“UNCLE CURTIS.” Sophia scowled at him from the kitchen table. “Bad word!” 

Curtis scowled right back at his niece, taking the effort to make a funny face at her to make her giggle into her cup as her expression went from serious disappointment to glee. “How much do I owe you now for the bad words?” 

“Million trillion gazillion.” Sophia said confidently and Curtis sighed with exasperation. 

“Kabillion? I might have to write you a check kid.” He continued teasing her. 

Ella assisted helping her mom, talking a mile a minute to the woman. Sophia waved a hand while she had her cup half tipped to her mouth, choosing to finish her precious unicorn hot chocolate before going to greet her grammy and uncle. You just stayed quiet, sipping your tea and watched everyone greet each other in a chaotic manner. 

“Froze over and then decided it still wasn’t cold enough.” Ella confirmed Curtis’s statement while the trio went into the kitchen. “Y/N, have you met my mother yet?” 

“No, but I’m glad you were able to come.” You held out a hand and the woman, who was on the shorter side of the family, just coming up to your own shoulders meaning Curtis and Ella towered over her, looked at your hand and swept it away as if offended. 

“I’ve heard so much about you, I feel like we’ve already met.” She wrapped her arms around you, catching you by surprise. “Call me Lisa.” 

You were quick to recover with a swift smile and nod. “Sure Lisa. You must be frozen, please come to the table so I can make you something.” 

The woman accepts graciously, letting you lead her away while Ella gathers boots to tuck away and Curtis finishes hanging up winter clothes in the closet. They could hear Lisa start right in about how the kitchen table had been her parents and had many similar days, spent around it warming up after a cold winter day with ‘coffee strong enough to keep you awake for days.’ Making you laugh as you joined Lisa and Sophia at the table. 

“See that, fits right in. Mom loves her.” Ella winked at Curtis who gave an eye roll, but he couldn’t keep the grin at bay seeing how relaxed you were alongside his niece and aunt, comfortable as could be. 

The day was soon filled with activities to pass the time now that Curtis was sure everyone was able to stay warm. Several games were dragged out from the top living room bookshelves, helping make them kid-friendly so Sophia could play. 

The small wood stove in the living room kept the house heated for the most part and when it came to the evening, you started to light candles while Curtis went to retrieve some of his grandparent's old oil lamps from the garage. The house felt lively as the rest of the world almost felt shut down, at least in their part of Duluth. 

The oil lamps cast a warm glow around the living room, Curtis making sure to set a couple near where his aunt was curled on the couch, working on a project with her crochet hook and a large bag near her full of bright colored yarns. 

Sophia and Curtis were playing some game nearby while Ella worked in the kitchen, picking up from the meal earlier. You sat on the other end of the couch, taking a breather after the chaos of the day, Ella having chased you from the kitchen claiming she had it all under control. You also didn’t want Lisa to be alone and although you didn’t know her, felt better giving her some company. 

The woman was just as friendly as Curtis and Ella, her eyes lifting from her project with a smile. “Dinner was fantastic Y/N, you can make me chili any time.”

You eased a bit at her friendly welcoming tone. “Thanks, it was the only thing I could come up with that didn’t require the power for the oven.” 

Lisa laughed, hooking her string around her finger, and with a flash her hook was back to a whirl of movement. “My parents always went to beans and hot dogs.” Her eyes flashed and a soft smile curled her mouth at the memory. “You will get creative. This happens quite often up here this time of year. I keep telling Curtis he needs to replace the generator, it’s on his to-do list.” Lisa leveled you a look, making you giggle a bit. 

“He has a long to-do list?” 

“So he claims. But he has done a good job on this old place. It was a lot rougher a few years ago when Dad was sick. A lot of repairs needed to get done, these old houses as sturdy as they are, are also always falling apart.” Lisa said softly while she started another row. “Curtis moved back in when mom got sick and for that, I’m always going to be grateful to him.” 

You nodded, curious as you hadn’t heard much about this time in Curtis’s life. “It must have been hard for all of you when that happened.” 

Lisa nodded in agreement as she twisted her project, inspecting her stitches. “Cancer is harsh. Mom refused to be sad about it though and I think that kind of took a toll on Dad and Curtis, because they weren’t able to be sad about it either. At least not near her. Then after Mom passed, Dad just went downhill, heartbreak.” She said, sighing as she glanced at you. “Then when he had his stroke, Curtis stayed to help take care of him too and make sure he wasn’t living alone.” The older woman seemed lost in her memories for a moment till she glanced at you, seeing that you were paying attention. “I’m sorry, this is a heavy conversation after we just met.” 

“It’s okay.” You assured Lisa with a genuine gentle smile. “It helps to talk about them. Curtis mentions things once in a while. I know he misses them a lot.” 

“Sometimes that boy keeps way too much buried inside, always being the one who takes care of everyone.” Lisa smiled thankfully, giving a small glance around the room that she had grown up in, as well as her daughter and nephew, now her granddaughter would have memories as well

“We all keep too much inside, why I agree with you. It does help to talk about them. I’m glad Curtis still does. Do you crochet?” She held up her project in question. 

“No, that's one I have never gotten to try. I sew costumes for the drama club. But I always wanted to learn.” 

“Well get over here, I got more hooks and plenty of yarn, let me teach you.” Lisa set her project aside and pulled up her bag. “What’s your favorite color?” 

“Oh um, I love almost anything.” You peered into the bag and she pulled out a spool of greens that reminded you of summertime. 

“You can use this, I have more at home. Okay, so we are going to start with a loop…” 

You got engrossed in the lesson, and you and Lisa lost track of the other people in the house. Not by Curtis though, once in a while he would wander into the brightly lit living room to check on the fire, which didn’t actually need any tending. 

Seeing you bite on your lip as you slowly mimicked Lisa’s movements, you looked like you were enjoying yourself. This felt right to him, this made his house feel like home. 

You shivered as you crawled into bed that night, using a flashlight to see in the dark upstairs, opting to keep the lanterns downstairs for Ella and Lisa to use. Outside the wind howled and made tree branches scrape ominously against the side of the house, adding to the slightly spooky feeling that having the power out so long gave.

“Damn, it's still so cold.” You tucked yourself under the multitude of blankets covering Curtis’s bed. “You sure everyone is all good downstairs?” You asked quietly when Curtis came into the bedroom, sporting a steaming cup for you. You gratefully took it, wrapping your hands around the hot mug to warm your fingers up. 

“They are, it’s warmer down there than it is in here.” Curtis assured you, easing the door partially shut for a little privacy. 

Downstairs, Lisa ended up in the bedroom just off the kitchen which Curtis was sure to have the door open for the day to warm it up and in the living room you and Ella opened the pull-out couch, equipping it with plenty of blankets for them. 

Curtis managed to stir up the fire and refill it with wood for the next few hours just before coming up the stairs and from somewhere in the depths of the old house, you thought you felt it sigh in peace as all the occupants settled for the night. “Okay. I just wanted to be sure everyone is comfortable.” 

You sipped on the warm tea while watching Curtis hurry brushing his teeth and changing into his gray sweatpants and a hoodie. “I gave the stove a good amount of wood, it should warm up a bit more up here too.” He slipped in next to you, pulling the blankets up high around the two of you. 

You curled up closer, sliding your hands under his shirt to press against his warm chest while he wrapped an arm around you, mimicking the move against your back. “Your hands are freezing Curtis.” You whined into his hoodie. He promptly started rubbing them against your back to heat them up. 

“Better?” He rumbled sleepily and you hummed a sleepy yes. “Thank you Honey, for everything you did today. I’m sorry we didn’t get to go do that date though.” 

You lifted your head enough to look up at him, smiling up at him. “You are welcome Curtis and we have other nights to go on a date. I had a great time today.” You cuddled in closer. 

It didn’t escape Curtis’s notice that you didn’t brush off what you did today like it was nothing. You happily accepted his thanks because you deserved it. You whispered a good night, passed a quick kiss, and curled up comfortably next to him. 

It was almost pitch black in the bedroom when you were woken, the air chilly on your nose but you felt a warm breath against your ear, a press of chapped lips and the scratch of Curtis’s beard against the curve of your neck.

“Mmhh Curtis?” You muttered as you felt his hand slide under the sweater you wore to bed to keep warm. 

“Shh Pretty Girl.” He nudged at you lightly with his hips, pressing himself against you. 

Really pressed against you, you could feel him hard through the layers you both were wearing. “Our door is open and they will hear us downstairs.” 

That sent an excited little shiver to escape as he continued to kiss on whatever skin he could find. His hand moving aside your hair while he nipped at your sensitive place where your pulse fluttered in excitement. “You sure?” You gave a little throaty whine when his hand under your shirt squeezed a breast. 

“Fuck yes. You made me so fucking happy today when it could have all gone to shit, you made everyone so comfortable and feel welcomed.” He admitted to you in hushed whispers. “I thought I could ignore how much it turned me on, but I just don’t want to anymore.” 

You arched into his touch again, wriggling back against his broad chest. “That really got you this worked up?” You asked curiously. 

“Yup.” was all he muttered as his hand moved out from under your shirt and he pulled the blankets over the two of you to cocoon you underneath. You eased to your back as he pulled over the top of you, holding himself up on his elbows while he started kissing you softly, pressing his lips against yours, over and over till you both started to relax into the sensation. 

It was making your half-asleep mind go all fuzzy and warm feeling him press himself over the top of you and continue kissing you. Now his tongue slid over your teeth and pressed against your own tongue, making you both moan at the sensation of one another. Your fingers curled into his hoodie, to pull him harder against you, his hips snug against yours and rocking into you. 

“You might have to keep me quiet.” You whispered when you both broke, your head tilting back so he could once more kiss on your jaw, another moan escaping him as he rocked into your soft body once again. 

“I always got you Honey. Lift your hips.” He pulled up just a bit, enough for you to push at your sweats to work them off with his help. Under the blankets everything was muffled, the blankets keeping you both warm and snug stretched around you both. More kisses soon distracted you both for a moment, your bare legs hooking around Curtis’s thighs which were still encased in his soft worn sweats that always drove you crazy. You mumbled against his lips, panting slightly to catch your breath. 

“You still have too many clothes on Curtis.”

He tilted his head to catch your earlobe, sucking on it, his chin a sensual scrape against your neck that sent a shiver down your spine. Your hands dragged down his muscled back, tugging at his sweatshirt to pull it off to touch bare heated skin. He mimicked the action, making you lose your shirt over the edge of the bed. “Fuck.” He hissed as you ground yourself against his groin again, needing that friction. The fabric of his sweatpants rough against your sensitive clit. Your nails pushed down the last dip of his lower back and under the band to grab onto his flexing cheeks and pull him harder against you. Suddenly he shoved at his pants, pushing them low enough for his cock to spring free, needing them off now. 

You pulled up once more to kiss him, sighing against his mouth at feeling his cock press against you and he eased himself into you with a matching satisfied sigh, his weight pressing over you into the mattress. Easing your hands up to spread over his cheeks and running your thumb over his bottom lip before placing more soft kisses on his mouth, you felt his expression under your fingertips, the slight curve of his mouth pressing against yours made you smile against him.

You both kept the kisses light, brushes of lips against one another and rubbing noses while Curtis barely rocked himself against you. He rose on his elbows enough to touch his forehead to yours, his fingers burying into the hair along the side of your head while he rocked into you with soft grunts. You soaked into the feeling of him, easing your hips to meet him with a slow unrushed arch. 

It was different, no chasing and encouraging one another to finish, but just enjoying the feeling of your bodies pressing against each other. You let your hands slide down off his cheeks to the side of his neck, closing your eyes as your fingertips traced tendons flexing whenever he tensed in his movements and then down to his muscled shoulders. You sensed him shifting, the brush of his beard against your neck making you moan against his ear while his weight sunk on you. The hair of his chest tickling your breasts till he pressed against your soft body. 

You felt the groan in the hollow of your throat as he skimmed his mouth against you. “You always feel so good under me Honey.” Heat spiraled up your spine as you made yourself softer against him, your thighs rubbing up and down against the side of his hips and circling a leg to hook over his rocking ass to press him in closer. You wanted to drown in this feeling with him, make it last forever. 

His fingers tightened just enough to move your head to tilt towards him, his lips resting against yours while your gazes locked, sharing each other's soft pants. 

Thick lashes framed around his shining blue eyes, his pupils wide, searching yours while you were sure your gaze had a similar expression, except when he tilted his hips into the gentle rocking and Curtis pressed against you in a way that made you tighten around him, your eyes fluttering up as your breath hitched. “What are you thinking about Curtis?” You pondered in a whisper before pressing your mouth more to his. 

You couldn’t get enough of this intimacy you were sharing with Curtis. Sex had always been good for you two, but this felt different. You felt him everywhere and you felt just as seen, barely breaking your gazes unless some sensation rocked through one of you, making your bodies so good while embracing the sensation. 

But you two always relaxed again once it passed, sharing in the moment. 

You felt Curtis groan against you, the vibrations pressed into your chest as you rocked once more to meet him till he slowed even more. “How good this all feels.” He finally whispered against the curve of your neck where he buried his face. You thought he was talking about this moment alone and arched up into him slightly, running your hands down his back, feeling more of him, wishing you weren’t already building up to a release. “You in my home, fitting so fucking good in my life.” More kisses pressed against your pulse as he rocked back into your wanting body. 

You grabbed at the back of his head to press him closer as he kept talking. “How life just feels so sweet with you Honey.” You smiled and it felt so good to smile in this moment, when you were feeling so close with Curtis. It sent an urgency racing through you, unable to stop the sultry moan escaping as your head tipped back and you tightened around Curtis. His head lifted to watch you come undone, keeping up the slow dragged pace he was using, rubbing his hips into yours while your hot velvet heat clamped around him, the rush of your orgasm made him grin.

“Fuck you are so sexy when you come. Come on Pretty Girl, let me feel you. Just give in.” He encouraged, soft kisses pressing against your forehead and side of your face before he pulled back again to watch you. 

You rutted your chin up as you pressed back into the pillows, another moan escaping while your body broke in the softest way. You rode the high that felt like a warm wave washing over you when it passed, making you want to curl up in his hold, against his tattooed chest and soak in all of his touches that always made you feel beautiful. This wasn’t just your orgasm, it didn’t belong to you this time. 

This was his, this one belonged to him so you let him see how good it did make you feel. You let your arms circle around his neck and pull his face towards yours, letting your forehead lean into his, sharing a deeper kiss that poured all you were feeling and was so close to saying. 

Curtis watched your face meld into euphoria, which is all he ever wanted to do since the day he saw you standing on the bus steps with your students piling up behind you. You smiled so sweetly at him and he wanted more of that. He was always going to want more of that. 

Your nails raked gently up his back, your thighs pressing in closer to touch your foot against the top of his ass, pushing him down to bury in you. “I’m going to feel you for days Curtis.” You whispered with a satisfied moan. “It’s your turn. Fill me up Baby.” You begged, so sweetly with nipping kisses to his jaw and along his neck, your body arched under his, pressing all your curves he was passionate about against him. “You feel so good inside of me. I don’t want this to stop.” 

Curtis felt the rush you gave him with your words, the pull in his body to fill you with his spend was so intense, that he sped up. He grabbed your hip to keep you against him and you begged him for it till he spilled with a sharp yell of your name and he pinned you under him while warmth spread through you and he made no move to pull out. . 

You felt him relax with a groan, hugging you to him and refusing to let you move just yet. You didn't try to pull away but clung to him, both of you warm inside and out.

[indigosunsetao3]

Would It Be Enough?

Chapter 4 - New Job

Masterlist of Chapters

Warnings: 18+ - No minors Rated E - Please read the tags on A03 for any of your triggers

Johnny "Soap" MacTavish x Original FMC 7.2k words - AO3 Link

Emma woke up from her sleep and stretched out slowly, her eyes still closed to the bright sunlight that was coming in the windows. She was surprised that she hadn’t woken up when the people around her had risen for the day, even for a heavy sleeper she never could ignore the hustle and bustle of the early morning. Maybe she was the first awake and that was why. Taking a deep breath through her nose, smelling the scent of Soap’s jacket, she rubbed her eyes before opening them to find herself staring out at a room that was definitely not the room she was sharing with others. She was the only person in there, and it was small.

Scrambling into a seated position Emma took in her surroundings and the evening before came flooding back in. She had been on the couch with Soap watching television and now she was in this room she had never seen before. Emma looked around taking in the small desk covered in papers, the reading lamp on it, the wooden portable closet that was standard issue with the door open and clothes hanging in it. Men’s clothes from what she could tell. Then the nightstand next to her that had a piece of paper that looked like it was ripped from a notebook sitting on top of a pile of clothes.

You fell asleep on the couch and I wasn’t going to leave you there. I tried to wake you a few times but you sleep like the dead. I managed to scrounge up some standard issue scrubs for you, hope they fit, Maricela said they should anyway. Don’t worry about rushing out, I’ll be gone for the day. But if you don’t want Gaz teasing you until the end of time, I suggest you slip out before we get back. Meet us for dinner in the mess hall? We should be back around six. -Soap PS You talk in your sleep PPS Don’t be embarrassed

Too late. Emma could already feel the burn rising up from her neck to her cheeks and ears. She couldn’t believe she had fallen asleep on the couch. Then the fact she didn’t wake up and she was certain she probably cussed Soap out fully, her family used to tease her for how heavy she slept and how angry she would be if anyone tried to wake her. But the icing on the cake was the fact she was certain he had carried her to bed like a little toddler and tucked her in.

“Oh my god,” Emma muttered to herself as she flung back the blankets off of her. “I’m an idiot,” she groused to herself as she turned around and made the bed she had slept in. Even if it was the most comfortable sleep she had in months, this bed a true bed and not a cot, she couldn’t believe he had done that for her. He had given her his bed and just left, probably to sleep on the couch or not sleep at all and now he was out doing whatever it was he was doing on little to no sleep because of her.

She changed quickly into the scrubs Soap had found for her and debated writing a message back to him on the blank side of the paper. But she had no idea what to write, what wouldn’t sound pathetic or weird. In the end, she just folded up the paper and slipped it into her pocket before slipping out of the room and shutting the door. The area was quiet, all the bedroom doors shut and the common area was also empty and the television off. It was almost noon; she had slept the whole day away and she had so many things to take care of. First was finding Maricela and giving her back the clothes then checking in with her job to see if there were any updates.

Deciding first stop was to freshen up, Emma stopped where she should have slept last night and used the comb to brush out her hair as she sat on her cot. She kept glancing at Soap’s jacket as she did so, trying to recall anything else from the night before but nothing came. Next was the bathroom to fully freshen up. As she walked out of the community bathroom with her still damp toothbrush one of her coworkers caught her in the hall.

“We’ve been looking for you,” the older woman said, her hands folded across her chest in a disapproving manner.

“I, ah, well I went,” Emma stammered looking for a good answer. She didn’t want to tell this woman exactly where she was or what had happened.

“It doesn’t matter,” the woman supplied, “you’ve got messages in the communications hall and they seem pretty important since they sent a bunch of us to find you.”

“Right,” Emma replied feeling her heart start to hammer in her chest. What was so important that she needed to be found right away. That they sent people looking for her. “I’ll just…go there now,” she supplied.

“I suggest you do,” the woman answered and she turned watching Emma rush down the hall.

Doing her best to not assume the worst Emma sped walked to the communications area and when she was outside the door, she paused to catch her breath and run a hand through her hair. What was she going to do with her toothbrush? Looking for a trash can and finding none she just shoved it in her pocket before opening the door and walking in. There was someone working the main desk and she walked over and smiled, “I’m Emma. I heard I have some messages?”

The person working looked up at Emma instantly before grabbing a clipboard and handing it over to her. “You’re a very in demand woman today,” the man said as he fished around in a drawer and pulled out a lanyard with a clip on it. “John Price was here this morning stating you needed the badge. I’ve had Laswell call me twice now asking where you were,” he was muttering as he continued to work on the computer before looking back at her again. “I’ll need to take your picture if you could,” he gestured to the camera on the counter, similar to when you had your license picture taken at the DMV.

Emma nodded and finger-combed her hair as best as she could before he snapped the picture and went back to his computer. Looking over the clipboard it was standard issue paperwork, confirming information, signing off you wouldn’t give anyone else the badge, and all the other security stuff. She signed and initialed where it was needed before handing the clipboard back to him. “You said Price was here this morning?”

“Here you are,” he handed her the lanyard with her new ID badge on it, not answering her question and Emma didn’t know if he heard her or not. Then he finally responded after clicking a few more things on his keyboard. “Oh yes, he was here, then I had the head of the hospital asking about your progress as well, wanted to make sure you had all your clearance.”

Emma could feel her cheeks turning red again. All these people looking for her and she was nowhere to be found, sleeping like a cat in the sun on a bed instead of being up and useful. “Sorry I worried everyone,” she mumbled before the man handed her an envelope. The outside had her name scrawled on it in messy handwriting and she tore open the taped back to find slips of paper inside. Looked like it was all her messages. “I’ll just, get to answering all these,” she muttered but the man had already moved on to his next assignment.

There was a message from her job to call them back about an update on her contract. A message from some person called Laswell for her to call them as soon as she got the message. A message from her mother, who somehow had tracked down the base she was at and called, so typical of her. Then her job again, and another message from Laswell. This was going to go swimmingly.

Emma decided on her job first since that seemed most important, it was her and her family’s, livelihood after all. The phone only rang twice before it was picked up and the person on the other side seemed relieved but still angry that it took her so long to call them. It turned out that her contract was picked up, she was going to be staying on that base but there was a catch. She was also going to be an asset to another team but her employer couldn’t tell her exactly what it was. It was above their clearance. Emma felt her heart pounding again, that had to be the Laswell person that was trying to reach her. Her employer gave her the number to call and checking back on her messages it was the exact number Laswell had left her.

Hanging up with them she instantly dialed Laswell’s number. This time it took a few more rings before it was picked up. “About time,” the woman on the other end stated before Emma could even say hello. “I’ve called twice now. Third time I would have told Price never mind.” She didn’t sound too angry though since she finished with a small laugh.

“Ah, Price?” Emma asked confused as to why Price would be calling this woman about her of all people. She had barely spoken to the man. “I’m sorry can you tell me what this is about? My job said I have a contract to stay here but it comes with a catch and that catch was tied to you.”

“Right to the point,” Laswell responded before pausing and typing on a keyboard. “I’ve sent you a contract and some other paperwork. Look it over, take your time, and read everything.” She stopped talking again for a second, it sounded as if she covered the microphone of her phone to talk to someone else before coming back. “If you agree sign everything and send it back to me and we’ll get started. If not, well, we’ll have to figure something else out.” Then the phone line went dead.

Emma stared at the phone receiver in her hand before hanging it up herself. She still needed to call her mother but that could wait. She wanted to see what this paperwork was all about and what contract. Moving from the phones Emma found an open computer and logged into it using the credentials that she received when she got her badge. Emma assumed Laswell received her email from her job so she logged into that and found the email at the top of her mailbox. There were two emails from her mother right below them but she’d get to them later.

It took her almost two hours to read through everything, print it out, read it again, and sign all the dotted lines on the contract. Then she had to sign off on all the paperwork so she could get her security clearance to be part of the team that she just agreed to work with. She was still extremely confused as to why they chose her of all people. Surely there were others here that were better trained, had combat experience, and knew how to handle themselves in a fight without throwing up. Yet they picked her and she wasn’t going to say no, not to how much money was involved. She could do this contract and go home without any worries about her finances for her, or her family.

Taking it over to the front desk for them to sign off as witness Emma scanned the paperwork back in and stared at it for a few more minutes before sending it to Laswell. She wanted to send it back before she second guessed herself or backed out. Then she went to her mother’s email and skimmed it before replying she would call her tomorrow, she had too many things to do today which was true.

Another brief call with Laswell had her getting instructions on where to go on the base to get fingerprinted again and then for questioning. It was standard procedure, something Emma had already done to get her first contract job but now that she was getting higher security clearance, they needed to be more thorough. Laswell had warned her in the email that if she didn’t pass the contract was null but Emma had nothing to hide. She had never lied on her paperwork including why she had been discharged from the military after just only two years of service, so she wasn’t worried about that. An hour and a half later, her hand cramped from signing more documents, she was released from questioning and was to report to the hospital wing. She was starting there first thing in the morning and needed to get acquainted with her working area, as well as get her uniform.

She hadn’t eaten anything all day so she made a quick stop in the mess hall to see if she could find anything and settled on a rather bruised banana that was left in a bowl. She scarfed it down and headed to the hospital hoping that her tour and instructions wouldn’t take too long. Soap had indicated they would be back for six and she wanted to meet them for dinner. She had a ton of questions she wanted answered, first being why her.

Turns out her supervisor was the doctor that she had accosted to stitch up Soap’s arm. He didn’t seem too impressed with her attitude that day, she had basically told him where to go, what to do, and how to do it, but Emma didn’t apologize. She had a job that needed to get done and they were all moving too slow for her liking. The doctor took her back to the small office they all shared to fill out yet more paperwork and go over some basic regulations. Her true training would begin tomorrow, seven am sharp. He emphasized the time to Emma as if he doubted, she could be punctual given what had happened today.

Scooping up a few sets of scrubs and two lab coats, plus some closed-toe shoes, Emma glanced at a clock on the wall in the medical bay area to see it was five-thirty. Thirty minutes until Soap said they would be back at in his note which gave her a little time to compose herself and get some of her racing thoughts and questions in order. She hustled back to the shared sleeping area she had been given with the others and deposited her scrubs and lab coats onto the cot. She still had Maricela’s clothes to return back to her as well but that would have to wait a little longer. She needed more space for the things she was acquiring and wished she had her tote that she used to hold all her stuff and shove it under the bed. She’d deal with that later when she went to bed.

Heading back out the door, preferring to be early rather than late, Emma headed to the mess hall. Her stomach was growling profusely now at the lack of food and the fact she could smell it now was not helping. She ran a hand over her stomach to quiet it when she heard someone call out her name. Looking over her shoulder she spotted Alex walking up the hall toward her, he looked like he had been outside rolling around in the dirt all day. His clothes were marred and he had streaks on his face where the sweat had washed away some of the dust.

“What happened to you?” Emma asked stopping in her tracks to look at him so he could catch up.

“Work,” Alex said simply with a grin before reaching down to the scarf around his neck to wipe at his face and hair. It didn’t help much; the scarf was also filthy. “We just got back; we need to catch a shower before dinner then we’ll meet you. Didn’t want you to think we stood you up.” He said smiling a bit again, stepping off to the side as more people filtered by headed to dinner.

“Oh right, okay,” she replied, her eyes darting down the hall to see if she could see the rest of the team but it looked like Alex came on his own. “I’m starved, I haven’t eaten all day. I’m going to go ahead and eat while I wait on you all. Well, I’m assuming all of you?”

“That’s fine, shouldn’t take us long,” Alex replied, “well maybe Price. He likes to take long hot showers. Don’t tell him I told you.”

Emma laughed before Alex turned and headed back toward their area jogging a bit. She resumed her walk toward the mess hall and walked in to find the place in full swing again. It was loud and full of people already but she loaded up her plate and attempted to find a corner that was out of the way but could accommodate another six people. She felt a bit better today about the noise versus the night before, the exhaustion had played a huge part in her anxiety being off the charts. She still didn’t enjoy how loud it was but she could at least tolerate it now.

Eating her meal Emma watched the main door for any sign of the group, while nicely telling a few people that the seats were taken when they stopped to try and sit. She wished the group would hurry up, she didn’t like turning people away, especially when they looked back at her and saw the spots were still empty a few minutes later. She was almost done with her meal when the first of them walked through the door, Gaz followed by Crane. They looked different out of their field uniforms, which is all she had seen them in so far except for Soap in his pajamas.

She waited for them to look her way before she waved a hand, feeling a bit silly, but Gaz returned the wave before getting in line for food. At least they knew where to go now and she didn’t feel as ridiculous eating alone. The line took them a while and she had just finished her meal when Gaz and Crane took a seat on the bench opposite of her, setting their overfilled trays down with a clatter.

“Evening,” Gaz said with a grin before stuffing almost an entire roll into his mouth. “Heard you were miss popular on the base today,” he said around the roll once he managed to swallow half of it and moved on to crack open his water.

“I, ah, how do you know that?” Emma asked him raising an eyebrow, “I thought you were all gone today?” Her eyes darted up to the food line to see that the other four had shown up, Ghost still in his face mask and were presently being served their food. How Ghost was going to eat with that she wasn’t sure but that was the least of her worries at the moment.

“Oh, we were,” Crane replied as he stabbed at his plate, also smirking like a cat. “But Price was on comms most of the day and you were brought up. A lot. Something about not being able to find you. Then needing to know how far along you were in your clearance interview.” He stated before looking at her and chewing on his food as if waiting for an answer.

“Yes, well, I didn’t realize anyone had been looking for me,” Emma answered feeling her neck heat up a bit. “And I haven’t heard back about that just yet, I only finished it a few hours ago doesn’t that take a while to come back?”

“Not when Laswell wants answers, it doesn’t,” Gaz supplied as he adjusted his ball cap on his head so it was flipped backward. “I’m sure Price has already heard, he’s not exactly patient when he wants things done.”

As if summoning them out of the air, Price, Ghost, Soap, and Alex were there all moving to take their seats on the bench. All of them were in their casual clothes, though it seemed most of their casual clothes were still some sort of military fatigue and a t-shirt. Price took a seat directly opposite Emma next to Gaz, tossing a folder he had tucked under his arm onto the table before he sat. Alex took up a spot on one side of Emma, Soap on the other, and Ghost on Soap’s left.

They all smelled of shampoo and fresh laundry and she noted that their hair was all still damp which was probably why Gaz and Price had hats on. Emma looked at the envelope that sat in the middle of the table, it was thick and stamped across it in bold red letters ‘confidential’. She swallowed and waited for someone to say something but everyone was quietly eating and looking at her if they wanted her to lead this conversation. Though Gaz was still smirking to himself and Soap was glaring at him as if daring him to try and say something. The silence was growing heavy and Emma finally gave in.

“Can someone tell me what this is all about?” She finally stated, pushing her tray away from her and crossing her arms. “I woke up this morning to a bunch of messages, my job stating I needed to renew my contract by today, the earlier the better. A woman named Laswell sent me a contract and packet that took me two hours to get through, but she didn’t tell me a whole lot of what was happening either. I had to be reinterviewed and fingerprinted to receive top-secret clearance and now I’m apparently being talked about all over the base?”

“This morning?” Price asked her raising an eyebrow. “From what I understand you were nowhere to be found until after lunchtime,” he stated matter-of-factly before taking a bite of his own dinner.

“They would have found her if they just looked in MacTavish’s room,” Ghost ground out as he picked at his food with his fingers on his plate. Everyone looked up at Ghost then, including a red-faced Emma. “Didn’t realize I was the only person who knew. He needs retraining on his stealth if he thought that was sneaky,” he added before wiping his fingers on a napkin and looking at the rest of the group.

If Emma could have melted into the floor she would have, right then and there. Just disappeared to never be seen again. Her ears felt hot and she thought she could hear faint ringing in them. The rest of the group was smirking into their food, not daring to make eye contact with one another, let alone Soap.

“Listen it’s not what it,” Emma started but Soap interrupted her.

“She fell asleep on the couch and I wasn’t leaving her out there for you louses to find her and wake her up,” Soap answered, not looking the least bit embarrassed. “And why not my bed, wasn’t like I was using it anyway.” He shrugged before moving to eat his meal, but he gently knocked his knee into Emma’s under the table in a silent reassurance.

“Right, well now that’s out of the way,” Price stated as he pointed toward the file on the table with his fork. “Your clearance is in. I need you to go over this file this evening then your training starts tomorrow.”

“My training? You mean in the hospital?” Emma asked as she unfolded her arms reached for the packet and pulled it toward her. She felt items shift inside as if there were multiple files inside of it and some loose pieces of paper.

“Yes. You’ll start your day there then you’re with us,” he answered her. “It’s all in there. You can read it after dinner in your new barracks. It’s not for anyone else’s eyes but ours. When you are done reading it needs to be locked away in your gun safe in your room. No one is to know what is in that file or what you are up to.”

Emma could feel her heart racing again, the burn of embarrassment in her cheeks gone but still feeling hot from the anxiety. What had she gotten herself into? All these secrets and now extra training. She hadn’t held or shot a gun in years, after her injury discharged her from the Air Force, she gave all that up and focused solely on school.

“New barracks?” She inquired because that seemed like the only thing she could ask about at the moment since everything else seemed so secretive to the point she had to read this file alone.

“You’ve got a room down with us now. Your stuff’s already been moved in there,” Price explained before pointing at Alex and Soap, “anything’s missing it’s their fault. They collected it all.”

“I don’t have much besides my new work uniform so I doubt anything is missing,” Emma answered.

“We found your tote,” Alex chimed in and Emma turned to face him, her face obviously displaying her confusion. “We went back to the hospital today. There were a few,” he paused, “loose ends to tie up. While we were there Soap and I found the old living quarters and pulled out a few things that we could find and brought them back. A tote with your name on it was one of them and we found a few others.”

That explained why Alex had been so dirty and dusty, he must have been crawling around in fallen rubble all day. All of them probably had been and while she knew it hadn’t just been for her, she was a little overwhelmed at the gesture from them to try and find her things and bring them back to her.

“Thank you,” she said quietly looking from him then over to Soap who just nodded a welcome to her. She didn’t know what else to really say as she sat there waiting for them to finish eating. She wasn’t ready to get up just yet since while she knew where their area was, she didn’t know which room was hers. Luckily the group started talking amongst themselves, filling in the silence that had fallen until it was no longer there.

Ghost hadn’t touched any of his food and eventually, he was the first person to get up, taking a few items off his tray with him and leaving the mess hall. That answered that question, of how he ate. He must do it alone, hiding his face for whatever reason was more important to him than eating. No one in the group even acknowledged what had happened, so this was a normal occurrence then. Emma took note of it if she was going to be working with them, she had to get to know them and how they worked.

“Come on, you’ll need a uniform then I’ll show you your room,” Soap said as he wiped his face with his napkin and rose from his seat. The rest of the team was still talking but Emma could have sworn she saw Gaz give Alex a look when Soap made the offer to show her. She bit the inside of her cheek to tamper down another wave of embarrassment, and maybe annoyance, at the look. “I guessed at the size for your scrubs but those are a little more forgiving than military uniforms.” He grinned rising from his seat, ignoring Gaz who had choked on his water at the last comment.

“Another uniform?” Emma asked as she grabbed her tray and packet from the table and followed him toward the trash then out the door. “What do I need another uniform for?”

“For your training with us. Your scrubs aren’t going to hold up very well outside of the hospital setting,” Soap explained as he hipped open the door and allowed her to walk past. “It’s just standard issue stuff nothing fancy.” He gestured to his own pants and boots that he was wearing to indicate that is what hers would look like as well.

Emma’s eyes roved over him, taking in the pants and boots before moving up to his chest then finally his face. “Yes, well I doubt I will fill in my clothes as well as you do yours,” she responded. She was going to feel utterly foolish wearing military clothing when she wasn’t part of the military anymore, it was going to feel like she was an imposter. She wouldn’t even wear civilian clothing with fatigue print on them.

“I think you’ll fill them in just fine,” Soap said with a laugh and a wink which caused Emma to feel that creeping blush again. “It’s just protective wear for when you’re out in the field. No one is expecting you to be as brawny as us,” he joked.

“Out in the field?” Emma nearly squeaked but Soap put a finger to his lips to silence her, his eyes looking around the area to make sure they were alone. “What do you mean out in the field with you?” She asked again a little more quietly. “I’ve never seen combat. I was only a few years into my service when I was injured and discharged and that was years ago. The most action I saw were military games.”

“You need to read your packet, it’s all in there. Don’t worry about all that just yet. Remember what we talked about last night? About the fact you were unprepared before? We’re going to make sure you’re more prepared this time. And you aren’t going to be sent out there to fight on your own,” he grinned before coming to a stop outside of the laundry. “We’ll talk more about it later after you’ve read.”

Emma had been too engrossed in their conversation and all the questions in her head to even realize the path they had taken to get here. She would need to know where this was eventually and she made a note to try and find it again on her own.

The attendant had Emma walk back with her to get her measurements. Soap offered to wait for her outside, taking a spot on a bench and holding her packet for her. She made him swear he wouldn’t open it which only made him laugh since he probably already knew everything inside. But the last thing she needed was on day one confidential packet being compromised. He promised to be good and put the packet in his lap and that’s where Emma found him ten minutes later, his head resting on the wall behind him with his eyes closed.

She paused for a moment, he hadn’t seemed to realize she was there, and Emma looked at him. He looked exhausted, the dark circles under his eyes stood out in the dim lighting of the hallway. His hair was mussed, even in a mohawk she could tell he must have just towel-dried off before coming to dinner versus combing it out. He had his arms crossed over his chest loosely and she could see the bandage over the cut on his arm had been freshly changed so he was keeping up with that thankfully. But she also took in the fact of how massive his arms actually were as they rested across his broad chest. Her eyes flicked down his stomach to his waist then finally down his legs which were spread comfortably in front of him, her packet sitting neatly over his belt buckle and lap.

“You ready?” Soap asked her quietly with his eyes still closed, but a smile on his lips.

Emma jumped and cleared her throat, so he knew she was there and just sat there waiting for her to finish ogling him. Jerk. She should have known he would have picked up on her standing there, he probably heard her coming from a mile away in these damned flip-flops. “Ready,” she answered doing her best to not flush. She extended her hand out to take her packet from him and he handed it over before pushing up off the bench. She saw the smirk lingering on his lips before he straightened his face, he must have enjoyed the fact she had been staring at him, but he didn’t say anything else about it.

“Your room is at the end of the line,” he explained on their way there. “You’re next to Gaz. He snores so I suggest moving your bed away from the shared wall, they are thin. That’s what I had to do, I’m on the other side of him. Alex is next to me, then Crane, Ghost, and Price at the other end.”

“You snore too,” Alex stated as he came up the hallway behind them having left dinner himself. “But the worst is Price, that’s why he’s down at the other end and Ghost is next to him. He’s the only one that can take it,” he grinned as they made it to their little area common room. Ghost was sitting at the small table, his food eaten and mask on in its usual place. Ghost looked up at their arrival but didn’t say anything and instead went back to the book he had propped on the table.

“This way,” Soap said gesturing with his right arm toward the sleeping area. Emma followed as Alex broke off from them to go talk with Ghost. Emma could feel Ghost’s eyes on her as she walked but they turned around a wall and he was out of sight.

“There’s a small bath at the end of the hall, no shower but a sink and toilet so you don’t have to go all the way to the communal bathroom in the middle of the night,” he pointed to the door at the opposite end of the hall they were in before stopping at another door.

“Home sweet home,” Soap said as he opened the door. The room layout was exactly like his had been, down to the little desk and the propped open portable closet. There was a safe down by where shoes were stored, something she hadn’t noticed in Soap’s before but he had a bunch of stuff in his closet compared to her barren one. “Gaz’s bed is on the other wall so you should be good,” he grinned before pointing at the tote on her desk. “I grabbed everything I could find that looked like it could be yours. Most of it was already in the tote. And of course, everything that you had on that cot in the makeshift sleeping area.”

“Thank you,” Emma replied with a small smile, turning to look at him. “I really appreciate you all doing that. I’m sure that cost you extra time,” she replied, “and wasn’t exactly safe either.” Her eyes looked over at the tote that was sitting on the desk. It was dusty and dirty; one side had a giant crack in it and she could see where someone had slapped some tape on part of it to hold it together.

“It was Alex’s idea. Price said we had an hour so we made the most of it,” he shrugged. “We found some other stuff that belongs to your coworkers and brought it back too.” He followed her eyes to the tote before looking back at her when she spoke again.

“Did you find any,” Emma hesitated before plowing on, “any bodies?” She finished a bit numbly, moving to take a seat on her bed not sure how she would handle the answer. On one hand, she hoped that the bodies were still there to be recovered but on the other the thought of them lying there for that long was dismal.

“Ah,” Soap rubbed the back of his neck, “some, yes. That wasn’t our objective though but there was another crew there on retrieval. I don’t know if they found your friend, we walked the same path you all took that night. They had already cleaned out that area by the time we got there.” He was sparing the details of what he had seen. Such as the trails of blood where bodies had been dragged, all the flies that were still lingering, and some of the threats written on the walls in what he assumed was some of the victim’s blood.

Emma nodded and pushed back the tears in her eyes, “I need to reach out to his wife. I didn’t really know her so I have no idea what to say but I need to send my condolences.” She would tell her what happened, not all the gory details, how her husband had died helping someone else in need. It’s what Ronald did and while he shouldn’t have been dead at all it was a fitting way for him to go.

“I’m sure she’ll appreciate it nonetheless,” Soap said with a reassuring smile. A silence fell between them before he tacked on a bit more cheerfully, “you need to get to reading. That packet is pretty thick and if you’re going to be prepared for tomorrow you need to study up.” He grinned; he knew exactly what she was getting into when she read the damned packet. He almost seemed excited at the prospect of what she was going to find in there.

“Right,” Emma said as she pulled the envelope into her lap from where she had tossed it on the nightstand and moved to break the tape sealing it shut. “Am I allowed to discuss it with you after I read it?” She asked as Soap moved to exit the room.

“This time, yes, I know exactly what is in there and already have most of it memorized anyway,” he grinned, “but who knows you may surpass me with your clearance one day and not be allowed to talk to me about anything.” He was in the hallway now and his hand was on the door handle. “Read up and get some sleep. I’ll answer any questions you have tomorrow.” And with that, he shut the door leaving Emma alone in her new room.

“Goodnight then,” Emma said sarcastically to the now closed door, and on the other side she heard Soap laugh and return the sentiment.

Deciding to just get right to it and start reading, she peeled off the scrubs she had worn that day and opened her tote to pull out a t-shirt of hers. It certainly didn’t smell like fresh laundry but it wasn’t horrendous either. She would need to send all of her meager clothes to the laundry she suspected, especially since the side of the tote had been cracked open letting in dirt and dust. Pulling back the blanket on her bed she moved to hop in when she spotted something under her three pillows. She lifted one pillow up and smirked a bit, it was Soap’s jacket tucked neatly under everything. She knew Soap had to of put it there, as well as snagged her the extra pillow.

Leaving the jacket right where it was, she propped two pillows up settled into the bed, and pulled out all of the paperwork. As she suspected there were multiple files inside, each one with a person’s name written on the tab. They were all the 141 task force members she realized as she thumbed through and read through all the names. Then there was some loose paperwork as well. She flipped the loose paperwork around properly and stacked it neatly on her nightstand, she would get to those later. She was more curious about these files on the men she was now working with.

Starting with Alex first, she flipped open the file and began to look it over. There was his picture paperclipped on the left-hand side and on the right was paperwork. Some of the files still had redacted things in them but overall, it seemed it was a summary of his life. Where he went to school, his training, what military branch he served with, his ranking, missions he accomplished, his specialties, his psychology testing, where he worked after the military when he started with the task force, and things he accomplished with them. It delved further into personal things as well, some that seemed like the military would need to know and others filled in on post-it notes over the years from either Alex himself or his teammates. Such as his favorite flavor of coffee, something Emma suspected the military could care less about.

It took her a few hours to get through the stack. Ghost’s file had been the smallest with no pictures and it had the most redactions. She had saved Soap’s for last, not really sure why but she kept shifting it to the bottom of the pile as she finished each one. It was all an insightful read that she knew she’d need to refer back to multiple times before she remembered everything. She realized when she closed Soap’s file, her eyes lingering on his picture for a moment before she did so, that they probably all had a file on her as well. What would they find in there? Would they even find it interesting? She was sure it would seem so pathetically short and small compared to everything they had all done. She guessed she would have to fill in the more personal touches herself because there was no one else to add that to her file.

The clock on the wall showed it was almost eleven and she still hadn’t gone through the other stack of papers. Groaning she reached for those next and went through them. They were all about the work she would be doing with the 141, the training she would receive, how the group functioned together, what they needed from her, how she would fit in, and what she could expect from them in return. She mused over all of it for a few more minutes before getting up and putting all the paperwork in the safe in her closet. She used her badge to lock it, tugging on it to make sure it was secure before standing up.

She needed to get to sleep, her shift at the hospital started at seven sharp then she was meeting the 141 at one to begin her work with them. Digging around in her tote for the old-fashioned alarm clock her father gave her since electricity wasn’t reliable where she was at before, she pulled it out and cranked it. Setting the alarm for five thirty, to have enough time to shower and eat before work, Emma flipped off her light to the room and crawled into bed in the peaceful dark.

Emma’s hands slid under the pillows as she stretched out on her stomach and she curled her fingers into the fabric of Soap’s jacket. Distantly she could hear snoring, she assumed it was Gaz, but it was quiet enough to be ignored between the sound of the air system running and the soft ticking of her alarm clock. She adjusted a few times in the bed, but her hands never let go of the jacket before sleep found her.

[rowanaelinn]

Happiness - Chapter Three

I feel the need to hide and apologise for not having posted that before………

Warnings: swearing | Word Count: 4,100

“So?” 

Aelin was engrossed in her phone, scrolling on Twitter to see the latest celebrity gossip. Granted, she was in her late twenties, but did it mean she had to stop enjoying the lives of the boys-band members she used to love as a teenager? Keeping up with the dramatic lives of rich people was her way to relax after a few… hard appointments. She enjoyed being people’s safe place, letting them feel relaxed enough to speak of their issues, and so they and Aelin could find a solution together. But it was heavy, and sometimes she just needed to breathe. 

“Earth to Aelin,” her friend, Lysandra, said at the same time as she landed a punch on Aelin’s shoulder. 

She winced, glaring at her friend. “What?” 

“You didn’t tell me.” 

Her heart missed a beat. “Tell you what?” 

Lysandra looked around, they were sitting in a breakroom, but at that time of the day every other doctor was eating at the cafeteria or was with patients, which allowed Aelin and her friend to be almost alone. She leaned in and breathed, “How it was with Rowan, you know?” 

Aelin looked away for a second before answering, “There’s nothing to say.” 

The brunette groaned. “Come on, share with me!”

“No, I won’t!”

“Oh, it was nasty, wasn’t it?” Lysandra asked, with too much joy in her eyes. “Was it nastier than when he used the whipped cr—”

“Stop,” she slapped her friend on the arm. That specific night had been on repeat in her mind for months, and while it always filled her with a sensation of longing and…. need, now it only broke her heart a little each time she thought about it. Every memory with him did that to her. 

It was pathetic, truly. 

“Prude,” her friend rolled her eyes, taking a sip of her coffee. “But really, you’ve been here a lot. Why aren’t you taking some time off to enjoy that very hot husband of yours?” 

She narrowed her eyes, “Is my cousin okay with you calling other men hot?” 

Lysandra huffed a laugh, “Okay with it? Honey, he starts it most of the time. He and I are more than in agreement about Rowan’s ass…ets.” 

Aelin had to stop herself from gagging. “Gross! I’m not commenting on your boyfriend.” 

“Yes, because he’s your cousin.” 

She rolled her eyes, “You have an advantage. It’s not fair.” 

“Yes, you meeting the love of your life at twenty and throwing it at our faces every day ever since wasn’t fair, I agree.” 

She mulled it over for a second, twirling her spoon in the tea she had made herself a few minutes ago. “You’re idolizing us so much, it’s not all perfect.” 

“Well, of course,” her friend’s voice turned kinder, all teasing stopping. “But you two love each other so much, whatever you’re going through I’m sure it’s not so bad.” 

She knew it was the perfect opportunity to tell her. It’s been two weeks now, and as each day passed, the least she was in denial about it all. Yet, she didn’t open her mouth. She wasn’t afraid her friend wouldn’t support her, but… Well, she had to surpass the shame before she could say it to anyone. “You’re probably right.” 

“Hey!” Lysandra all but jumped out of the very comfortable couch. “What if you two came for dinner tonight? It could get you out of your routine, and having a good time together could help you see through the problems.” 

“Lys, I’m not sure–”

“No!” she protested, grabbing her phone and typing on it, with that awful pride smirk of hers. “It wasn’t really an invitation, I just told your cousin you’re coming over. Now let me text Rowan.” 

“No!” Aelin said, too loudly. “Please, let me do it.” 

Lysandra looked at her with suspicion, but then she nodded. “Alright, but even if one of you suddenly catches the flu, we have masks at home. So it’s not an excuse.” 

“What if someone from our family dies?” 

Lysandra glared at her as she stood, preparing herself to go back to work. “Then you’re lucky funerals take a week to plan, so you’ll have an evening to spare.” 

With one kiss on her cheek, she was gone. 

Aelin was screwed. 

—

When he heard the front door open and close, Rowan was surprised, waiting for a few seconds until the sound of heels on the tiles confirmed it was, indeed, Aelin. He looked at the clock in his office which also confirmed that he had not lost track of time. It was five in the afternoon, and she was already home. 

Lately, she was back home long after the sun had set and went back to work even before sunrise. 

He wasn’t sure she knew what normal work hours meant. But he wasn’t the best person to tell her that. 

For a better part of the afternoon, he had been staring at the same page on his computer. It wasn’t shiny new like Aelin’s, and he had owned it since the beginning of high school, but it still worked. Granted, it was a little slow and he had to keep it in charge for it to work, but it worked. He wished it hadn’t, though, when he received an automatic email from the army. 

They wanted him to fill in a questionnaire about his life back home. It was the usual procedure, and he had filled dozens of them at this point in his career. It was mainly used to identify soldiers who isolated themselves, the ones who struggled after their missions. It had always been something done in less than five minutes for Rowan, at least when his computer cooperated, but today… He stared at the same question. 

Have you had trouble dealing with the stressful situations you experienced since you went back to civilian life?

He knew what they were asking. He knew what these kinds of questions were here for. Only someone stupid wouldn’t see it. While he knew his answer should be no, he hadn’t dared to touch his touchpad. 

The incident with Connall was a one-time thing. He hadn’t had trouble knowing where he was a single time after that, but it should count, right? But it had been the day he came back, it was normal to be confused when he changed environment, especially when it was well-known how attached he was to habits and rituals. Aelin used to joke about this a lot, saying he had OCD. He always rolled his eyes, just because he wasn’t messy the way she wasn’t didn’t mean he had OCD. 

And just because he lost track of reality for mere seconds didn’t mean he had trouble handling stress. Handling stress was his job, goddamn it. 

A knock on his door startled him, and he clicked on No before skipping to the next question and closing his laptop. “Come in.” 

She was still in her scrubs, the blue ones. She used to wear pink ones when she was a student, which was a big contrast to the clothes she wore now. He wondered why she never changed before going home, most doctors did. She used to do it when she was a student, but not anymore. 

“Hi,” he said, with hesitation. They hadn’t truly talked at all, so it was surprising to have her in his office. 

She tilted her chin up, not letting a single emotion get past her mental barrier. He couldn’t read her, hadn’t been able to in a while. “We are going to dinner at Aedion and Lysandra’s tonight. So, you better dress up.” 

For a beat, he was speechless. That was… not what he had expected. Not that he had expected anything. “Why would I be invited to dinner at your overprotective cousin’s house?” 

When they met and married just a little less than three months after, Aedion Ashryver had been… voicing his reservations about it all. Very loudly, in the way he found was common to the two Ashryver he knew. 

Her arms crossed over her chest, and although she was the perfect portrait of confidence, he still noticed how her thumb rubbed over the skin of her forefinger, turning her skin a light shade of red. “Because he doesn’t know, and he won’t know now. Neither will Lysandra.” 

Once again, he couldn’t find anything to say. They didn’t know? The two people closest to her, though Fenrys was high on her list too, had no idea of their situation? His mouth parted, and he wanted to say something, but what? His mouth closed. Was that why he had yet to receive the visit of her angry cousin, or at the very least angry texts and calls? He had expected it, but he had thought that Aedion was being calmed down by Lysandra. 

The two men had become friends throughout the years, and Rowan truly appreciated his presence. But he was ready to lose him, glad of it even because it meant Aelin had her support system. 

She knew that if she hadn’t told him, she hadn’t told anyone, and he had no idea why. 

The only two people he’d told were Connall and Lorcan, his best friend. He’d even asked the latter to keep it from his wife, who was a friend of Aelin. Her childhood friend. But she still hadn’t broken the news. 

“I’m not lying, Aelin.”

She took a step in his direction. “You will,” she confirmed, not leaving any room for discussion. In the army, she would have done wonders as a commandant. Her mind was sharp, she thought quickly and always had a talent to see multiple angles to the same situation. Her authoritative side was just icing on the cake. But he had always known better than to voice this out-loud, with her hatred of the military gradually rising everyday. It had been there even before they met, but it grew. “You owe me this. You owe me to not make a fool of me.” 

“Aelin, it’s not that–”

“If pretending to love me for a few hours disgust you so much, suck it up. Just for tonight, I need you to pretend.” 

He felt his temper rise, the hand under the desk starting to shake. He grabbed his leg hard, probably leaving nail marks. “Pretending isn’t the problem, you hid–”

“I’m always the problem, I know,” she sneered. Alright, not in the mood to listen to anything but herself. A new thing about the woman he had been so sure to know inside out. “I don’t care about your excuses, Rowan. For everything you put me through, you owe me one night.”

And, that was it. 

End of discussion, because he did owe her that. 

—

She had no idea how things had turned more tense than they were in the car. Not a single word had been uttered between the two of them, and she thought it had been the worst. But nothing could beat the awkwardness of having to pretend that everything was alright. Though they still hadn’t started to pretend yet, they waited for someone to open the door. But the idea of pretending? Yeah, that one was hard. 

It was Aedion who opened the door, and the bright, true smile he had on his face when he saw Rowan for the first time in months crushed her heart. Even Rowan, his face lit up as her cousin pulled him into one of their man-hug, patting each other on the back. Men were stupid, muscular creatures. But she didn’t roll her eyes this time, she only felt empty. Because she wasn’t sure this type of affection would happen once she told her cousin. 

She didn’t expect him to pick her side, or at the very least she would never ask him to, but he would anyway. He’d throw away a man he considered his brother to side with her, no matter what. It was reassuring, to know she had someone who loved her so much, but it was also damning. Hadn’t she ruined enough? Did she have to ruin other people’s lives too, now? 

“Aelin,” her cousin smiled, and the one she gave him was her first real smile in more than two weeks. they hadn’t seen each other since then, and she had been avoiding her calls. Probably the reason why she’d been cornered into coming here tonight. 

She handed Aedion a bottle of wine, and he pulled her into a warm, comforting hug. Not her favorite, but close enough that she still enjoyed it. He was more a brother to her than anything else. Once in the house, Aelin made her way to the kitchen where Lysandra was. Contrary to Aedion, she didn’t wear an apron. Not that Aelin had expected her to, she had her boyfriend whipped, doing everything for her. Lysandra used a spoon to taste the sauce and winked at Aelin. “What’s up?” 

“Be a good host and give me a drink,” she told her best friend who chuckled. 

“The strong stuff?” 

“Only if you drink it, too.” 

“Oh, honey,” her friend said, voice sweet as she cocked her head to the side. “You’re two drinks late.” 

That had Aelin grin, and thank her friend as she gave her a glass of vodka cranberry. “Bad day?” 

Aelin shrugged, “Could have been better.” 

“All the same,” her friend answered, tone less cheerful than a second before. Working in medical care sucked, especially in a public hospital with low fundings. Everyday, new problems arose that could be fixed if only the government decided to spend less money on weapons and more on how to keep their citizens healthy. 

If only Aelin’s problems were only with the hospital. No, when she came home, she did too find new problems. Ones that lived in the same goddamn house as she did. 

“Rowan!” Lysandra’s face brightened. She replaced her drink on the counter and went to hug Rowan. “It’s been so long! We’re all so happy that you’re home safe.” 

Aelin rolled her eyes, taking a bigger sip of her drink. She’d need a second soon, and a third again after that. She was allowed to get a little tipsy after all, tomorrow was one of her only days off. She didn’t know where to go, because one thing for sure: she wouldn’t spend the day in the same house as Rowan. 

“Thank you, Lysandra. You look wonderful, and it’s good to see you, too.”

To avoid getting her eyes stuck with how much she rolled them, Aelin grabbed her phone and checked her texts. Friends and family had texted her, and yet only one person attracted her attention. Fenrys. 

He was as much her best friend as Lysandra was, and she had been avoiding him.

Usually, when he came back, he stuck around as much as possible, so much that it annoyed Rowan. But… He hadn’t texted her until four days after he came back, and she hadn’t answered. By shame. If he had gone over his anger at her for leaving Rowan with no one to tap him out, it was obviously because he knew about the situation. Of course, he did. She didn’t know why she had wished Rowan hadn’t told him, but why wouldn’t he? They were his friends. Fenrys had been his friend first. 

But she didn’t want anyone around her who knew about it, who would bring her back to reality. So, she deleted his texts from her lockscreen and slid her phone back into her dress’ pocket. 

She ignored Rowan’s gaze on her as she started a conversation with Lysandra, who sneaked her new, full drinks when she finished hers. They had become masters at hiding it, since their partners liked to check how much they drank. 

Around the round table, it was mainly the hosting couple who led the conversation, with Aelin participating as much as she could. 

“Dad said he tried to call you,” Aedion said, and that had the merit of freezing her muscles for a second. 

“Did he?” 

The way Aedion looked at her meant he didn’t buy her fake surprise. “You should call him back, it’s important. He wants to do something special for the anniversary.” 

Fifteen years already. Fuck. She didn’t want to talk about that, and he knew it. It was why he cornered her about it in front of other people. 

She ignored the way Rowan’s muscles stiffened beside her, or how aware she had to be of him to notice such a thing. “I’m working that day,” she shrugged, giving him a tentative smile. “But y’all should do whatever you want.”

“Can’t you take a day-off?” 

The snort coming from beside her was so loud she couldn’t even ignore it. Her spine stiffened, and for a second she looked far ahead of her, willing at her blood to stop burning in her veins. 

Slowly, she turned her head toward where Rowan sat. Her eyes lowered onto his plate. He’d done a great job of playing with the food, making it seem as if he had eaten from it at least a little, but she had taught him this trick. She was too aware of him to not notice he hadn’t brought the fork to his mouth once. “Not much of an appetite, Rowan?” 

His gaze was hard as it settled on her. “Is there something on your mind, darling?” His words were biter, as if his mood was souring with every minutes that went by. 

She lowered her gaze toward that full plate of food. Wasteful. “Just a reminder that if something is wrong, just talking it out is an option. You don’t have to wait until people ask.” She looked around, noticing her friend and cousin’s eyes on her before she urged to add, “About your food.” 

His spine stiffened, almost as if his body urged him to take a fighting stance. He probably missed it already: the violence and anger in those camps. 

He'd once admitted that he enjoyed it there, because then he felt less strange for being so angry all the time. He’d always refused to talk the anger out. She supposed punching people in training was better for him. 

A muscle in his jaw twitched, and he answered, “I’m having an excellent evening, I don’t see any problems. There’s no conversations to have.” 

She clicked her tongue, taking a bite of her food to keep the sour taste of disappointment and anger away from her. Though, she wasn’t sure it was really working. “Typical.” 

He didn’t miss a shot before answering, “do you have anything to say?” 

“Guys,” Aedion interrupted, though she almost didn’t hear him. “It’s okay, you don’t have to–”

“Oh, I have plenty of things to say, Rowan. But you don’t want to hear any of them.” Her tone was cold, nearly freezy. Yet, she was burning inside. 

“Is the food that bad?” She heard Aedion ask, he was trying to whisper but didn’t manage to do it quietly enough. Lysandra had a hand on his shoulder, a sympathetic look on her face with a smile that, she was sure, brightened her cousin’s life. 

“It’s good,” Rowan said. 

Good. She huffed. “It’s amazing, Aedion.” 

The sound of cutlery hiting the glass table was loud, starling her. “Is anything good enough, Aelin?” It was rowan who asked, angry. He had never been angry towzrd her in front of other people. But she didn’t care, because if he was angry? She was enraged. 

“Since I’m used to not even getting the bare minimum, Rowan,” she spat his name. “I won’t let you treat my cousin this way as well.” 

Fire in those icy, green eyes. He’d always been stoic, a wall of ice while she was more like a wildfire. But today it felt like they were both burning, and not for reach other. 

“I’m giving up,” he said, standing and tearing his gaze away from her. She was going to ask him to stay, because she didn’t want her cousin and friend to feel bad because of her, but Rowan didn’t give her enough time. Instead, with his eyes away from her and on her friend and cousin, he dropped the biggest bomb known to mankind. “I’m tired of pretending. She wanted me to lie, but I’m not doing this anymore. We’re getting a divorce, and it’s time we stop pretending.” 

The room was silent, enough to hear the grandfather clock little ticking noise every second.She focused on it, on the object instead of her family. It had belonged to Aedion’s grandfather on his father side. Perhaps she would call her uncle tonight, just so she would hurt more. Hurt was good, it meant feeling something. She didn’t want the numbness. 

“Perhaps it would be better if you left,” Aedion said, voice slightly strangled but still strong. Determined. It was alright, she understood. She got angry and ruined something else, and he was angry. She looked up, trying to find her cousin’s gaze to know just how angry he was, but he wasn’t looking at her. His eyes, hard as steel yet still wounded, were on Rowan. He stood, “It’s the best thing to do for now, I’ll call you later.” There was one beat, as if a silent question was asked before her cousin added, “She’ll stay with us.” 

“Thank you for tonight, Lysandra,” Rowan said, voice strangled. Then, two sets of footsteps were heard, but she didn’t look their way. 

Not when her best friend looked at her with so much hurt in her eyes. Betrayal shone in those emerald eyes, tears gathering there. 

Anger was soon replaced by shame, and she tried to look away but when she did, Lysandra broke the thick, overwhelming silence. “Since when?” 

“The day after he came back,” she breathed. It made it all feel so real, so concrete. She didn’t want things to change, but it had to now. 

“Two weeks?” Lysandra’s voice rose. A beat of silence. “What did I do that made you not trust me with this?” She didn’t sound angry, she sounded sad. 

Aelin shook her head. “No, no,” she said. “I trust you, Lys. It’s not like that, I swear. But… I hate ruining things, and he’s your friend–”

“Only because you loved him. You were my friend first. My best friend. You don’t ruin things, I’m only worried for you.” 

She shood her head. “Aedion, he loves him like a brother.” 

“And he loves you like a sister! Don’t you believe that?” 

“I’m scared he would lose him,” she admitted. “We lost too much, I didn’t want to take this away from him.” 

Something broke on her friend’s perfect face, and a tear escaped. “Oh, Aelin,” she said, and she hated that tone. The pity in it. “You are losing your husband and yet, you still think of your cousin first?”

She turned her gaze away. 

“You’re cousin is a grown man, he uses his mind nad critical thinking very well on a daily basis, or at least most of the time. He won’t cut off a friendship without thinking of it first.” 

“He kicked him out.”

“Because you’re obviously distressed, not just you but him as well. You’re too hurt, I think. But I don’t know the whole story, and neither does Aedion so he did the best he could with the little he knew.” 

She nodded, picking at her nails. “I’m going to go, thank you for tonight.” 

“What part of ‘she’ll stay with us’ don’t you understand?” Her cousin asked from behind, startling her. 

She shook her head, “I refuse to be a charity case. I have work to do, so I’ll stay there for the night then I’ll go back to my house.” 

Before she could stand, he walked behind her and preseed onto her shoulders so she would stay where she was. “You’re no charity case, but you’re my family. And we need to talk about some things, so you are spending the night.” 

“I refuse to hide,” she breathed, “I refuse to change myself because he decided he wasn’t the same anymore.” 

Pain in those Ashryver eyes of his. “You don’t hide, you protect yourself. Go back there later on, when you’re less blinded by those negative emotions.” 

She laughed bitterly, tears burning her eyes. “You think there’s been anything but those in my heart for the last couple of weeks?” 

He shook his head, “No, but it’ll come. I promise you, there’ll be happiness after him.” 

She stood, deciding to head for their guest bedroom. They are right, facing Rowan now would only lead to a massive disaster. “I don’t want any of that happiness.”

••••••

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[sofiaispunk]

The Space Cowboy and his Ladybug - CHAPTER 5

Javier Peña x reader

Summary: After a heated argument with your husband Steven, you stumble upon your long-lost best friend Javier at the bar.

Words: 2,9K

Warnings: angst, trust issues, violence, brief mention of past domestic abuse (mentally and physically), insecurity, references to suicide attempt, smut, TRAUMA, lowborn, heartbreak

The wooden door of The Laredo Bar creaked as you pushed it open, escaping the humid embrace of the Texan night. Inside, the atmosphere was heavy with the nostalgia of old tunes emanating from a jukebox in the corner. Your heart was pounding; earlier, you had a huge fight with Steven about wanting to visit Chucho’s farm. He just didn’t understand the importance of this place, the memories it holds for you. Frustrated and yearning for some solace, you decide to have a drink to calm your nerves.

“Steven, Chucho invited us for dinner at his farm tomorrow. It would mean so much to me if we could go,” you told Steven as soon as you came back from Diego’s birthday party. 

He raised an eyebrow and gave you a dismissive look. “I already made plans to meet up with the guys tomorrow. Can’t you just go by yourself?”

You felt a jolt of disappointment. “Again? But, this is really important to me. You know Chucho is my family. Can’t you reschedule with your friends?” you pleaded.

Steven rolled his eyes. “Why do we have to revolve our entire trip around your past?”

Anger surged through you, but you tried to keep calm. “This is not just nostalgia, Steven. This is my life, these are the people who were there for me when no one else was. Can’t you see how much this means to me?”

Steven crossed his arms. “Well, maybe if you tried to live in the present instead of clinging to your past, you’d see that I have a life too. I’m not canceling my plans. You can go visit your ‘family’ if you want,” he said, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, but you blinked them back. “Fine,” you whispered, your voice barely audible as you left your house once again. You needed air, you needed to breathe, and most of all, you needed to escape the cage that your life has become. You also just needed a moment alone, and a drink to calm your nerves.

As your eyes scanned the room, meeting the curious stares of patrons lost in their own world, the familiar scent of stale beer and peanuts filled your nostrils. You edged towards the bar to order your favorite red wine, but something – someone – caught your eye. There, hidden in the shadows and nursing a glass of whiskey, was Javier Peña.

Even though his back was turned to you, there was something about his posture that made your heart flutter. His hair, once a wild mess of curls, was now cut short and speckled with gray. His lean shoulders of the past now carried a mature, rugged broadness. As your eyes traveled his form, you realized that time has been a merciless sculptor, chiseling both of you out of experiences and hardships.

A torrent of emotions surge dthrough you – anger, regret, longing – all fighting for dominance as they formed a whirlwind in your chest. Despite the hurricane within you, you found yourself drawn to him, like a moth to a flame. With a thudding heart echoing louder than the rhythm of the jukebox, you tapped his shoulder hesitantly.

He turned around, and the intensity of his piercing brown eyes sent a shiver down your spine. Time had etched its passage on his handsome face in the form of a few rugged lines, and his once youthful, carefree aura has been replaced by a somber, hardened mask.

“Javier…” your voice barely rose above a whisper.

For a moment, he looked at you, his face unreadable. The boy you once knew so well had morphed into a man who feels like a stranger.

“It’s me…” you manage to choke out.

His eyes widened in surprise, and a spark of recognition flickered across his face.

“What are you doing here?” he muttered, not with the warmth of old friendship, but more like a stranger.

“I… I needed a drink,” you stumbled on your words, the intoxication of his presence making you dizzy.

“No, I mean, what are you doing in Laredo?” he retorted, not even bothering to look at you properly.

“I came with my husband,” you murmured. “He’s here on business, and I… I wanted to visit Chucho.”

“Chucho? That’s rich.” His tone was so biting it could cut glass. He finally turned to you, his dark eyes cold. “You sure it’s not just another pit stop before you hit the road again?”

“That’s not fair,” you retorted defensively. “I care about Chucho, he was like a father to me and you know that.”

Javier snorted; his eyes stone cold. “Yeah, until you decided he wasn’t worth sticking around for either. Tell me, you planning to make a habit of this? Swing by every decade or so just to check if the old man’s still kicking?”

“Javier… please don’t.” your voice was just above a whisper. You didn’t know what to do or what to say. Everything felt too much, too close, too constricting.

For a moment, there was just silence between you.

“You shouldn't go to Chucho’s if you're just going to leave again,” he said, his voice cold and devoid of emotion. “Don’t break that man’s heart a second time.”

“You act like you’re blameless in all this, but you abandoned me first!” you exclaimed your voice raw with emotion. “And Chucho? He was my family too! Maybe if you could look past your own ego, you’d see that!”

“Oh, I see everything perfectly,” he cut in harshly. “You ran away and didn’t look back. Not for me, not for Chucho. But hey, maybe you were too busy dreaming about a perfect life away from this hellhole.”

You bit your lip, trying to keep the tears at bay.

“What about you, Javier? You weren’t there when I needed you the most!” you blurted out, the memories flooding back. The night your father drunkenly beat you, the desperate calls to Javier.

His face darkened and he slammed his glass down on the bar. “That’s not fair, and you know it. I didn’t know what was happening to you, but you knew what you were doing when you left!”

The pain in his voice was as raw as if the wounds were fresh. You felt your own heart cracking open.

“I called you that night,” your voice cracks. “I needed you, my best friend. But you screamed at me, and Lorraine was more important.”

Javier looked as if he’s been slapped. His eyes were wild, and his mouth opens and closes like he’s trying to find words.

“That night, everything changed,” you continue. “When you weren’t there for me, I knew I couldn’t stay in Laredo. Not with my father, and not when my best friend had replaced me.”

The two of you were breathing heavily, and the air is thick with a decade of heartache and regret.

“You think I replaced you?” Javier’s voice was low, full of pain. “You were my family. You were my everything. You think I don’t know I messed up?” Javier’s voice is suddenly quiet, the coldness giving way to pain. “But this, all of this,” he gestured between the two of you, “it’s not just on me. We both made choices. And you chose to leave me.”

Your shoulders slumped, the fight draining out of you. You realized that he was right. You both made choices that led to this moment. The anger, the bitterness – it’s all just a mask for the deep hurt that’s been festering for over a decade.

“I don’t know how to fix this, Javier,” you whispered, the tears still flowing.

“Well, there’s nothing to fix. You came 13 years too late for that. See ya around,” he said , his voice icy and void of the warmth you once knew.

He snatched his leather jacket from the back of the stool, his movements curt and sharp. With that, he turned on his heel and strides toward the door.

As you watched him walk away, his figure receding into the dim light, you fel tlike a chapter of your life is closing, one that’s been left open and unfinished for far too long. The weight of all the years, the pain, the longing, and the regret settled heavy on your chest.

Javier Peña, your sanctuary and your heartbreak, is walking out of your life again.

After Javier left, you sat there, staring at the empty doorway where he had disappeared. The bustle of the bar, the chatter, and laughter became a distant hum in your ears. You were consumed by your own thoughts, your own ghosts.

His words echoed in your mind, bouncing off the walls of your consciousness, pricking you like shards of glass. You kept replaying that fateful night you fled Laredo, abandoning everything you held dear.

Where had it all gone wrong?

Laredo ca 1977

The evening was heavy with tension as you locked yourself in your small bedroom. The familiar sounds of your father’s slurred speech and his thunderous shouting seeped through the thin walls. A sense of dread crept over you, because this time it felt different, the anger in his voice was more menacing.

You could hear him stumbling through the house, his shouts becoming more and more incoherent. You sat on your bed, your knees pulled up to your chest, your body quaking. You wanted to block out the sounds, to pretend you were somewhere else, anywhere but here.

Suddenly, the shouting became louder, and you realized that he was just outside your door.

“Come out here!” he screamed; his voice full of venom.

You stayed silent, praying he would go away.

“I said come out!” The demand was punctuated by a violent bang against your door. The door shuddered as if it might give way.

“You’re worth nothing! Nothing!” he spat through the door. The words cut through you like a blade.

You could hear your own heartbeat in your ears. This was worse than it had ever been before. His rage was a tangible force pressing against your door, and you knew you couldn’t face him. Not this time.

You reached for your phone with trembling hands, your only lifeline. Your fingers barely managed to dial Javier’s number.

But when he answered, his voice was not the comforting presence you so desperately needed. He was distant, annoyed.

You tried to speak, but sobs choked your words. You could hear the muffled sound of laughter and music in the background, where Javier was.

The banging on the door became more ferocious, the wooden frame creaking.

“Please,” was the only thing you could manage to whisper into the phone, but Javier had already hung up.

The bangs on the door grew louder, more insistent. The frame shook with each furious hit until finally, with a crack that echoed in the small room, the door burst open. Your father's towering form filled the doorway, his face twisted in rage that was more terrifying than anything you'd ever seen.

In his hand, he held a half-empty bottle of whatever cheap liquor he'd been drowning himself in. With a roar, he flung it in your direction. You barely had time to react, throwing yourself to the side just in time as the bottle smashed against the wall, showering glass shards everywhere.

His slurred insults cut through the air, every word a dagger aimed straight at your heart. "You're nobody! You have nobody! You're worth nothing!" His venomous words echoed in the room, his anger filling every corner.

Your heart pounded in your chest like a trapped bird, every instinct screaming at you to escape. But there was nowhere to go, no way to escape the nightmare unfolding in front of you. All you could think about was Chucho's house, how safe it felt, how far it was. And Javier...you needed to reach Javier.

But before you could even process the thought, your father lunged at you. His fingers, rough and calloused from years of manual labor, wrapped around your hair, yanking you upwards.

Pain exploded in your skull as he rammed your head against the wooden bed frame. Everything swirled around you, the room tilting on its axis. Dizziness washed over you, threatening to pull you into the darkness.

Your father’s punches landed on your chin and ribs with brutal force, each blow driving the air from your lungs. The taste of blood filled your mouth. With every ounce of strength you could muster, you fought against the dizziness and reached for your phone once more, desperation and fear giving you a surge of adrenaline. Your fingers felt numb as you dialed Javier’s number again.

He picked up.

“I don’t feel good... please help me...” you managed to croak out between sobs. Your voice was weak, almost inaudible, a pathetic whisper in a storm of violence and terror.

Suddenly, you heard another voice on the other end, shrill and impatient. Lorraine.

She snatched the phone from Javier, her voice coming through the speaker. “What’s going on? Can’t this wait?” she snapped.

Your tears blurred your vision as you choked out the words, telling Lorraine what was happening, the pain, the blood, the desperate need for someone to save you.

There was a pause on the other end, then a snort.

“Oh, she’s just being dramatic, as usual,” you heard Lorraine say, not realizing you could hear her. “Besides, she thinks she’s bleeding or something.”

Something inside you broke at her words. The last thread of hope you had was severed. If Javier wouldn’t help you, if Lorraine thought you were just being dramatic, then there really was no one.

You didn't wait to hear more. You hung up, your trembling fingers barely able to press the button.

It was as if a veil of clarity descended upon you. You had to get out. You had to save yourself.

With a sudden burst of energy, you fought back against your father’s grip. You kicked, scratched, did whatever you could to break free. For a moment, you caught him off guard, and he stumbled back.

Not wasting a second, you bolted from the room, down the hallway, and out into the night.

The humid air enveloped you, but you barely felt it. All that mattered was escaping, getting as far away as possible from the nightmare you had called home for too long.

You didn't look back.

Javier, who had once been your rock, your anchor in the storm. Javier, who was supposed to understand, to be there. But he wasn't. And when he needed you, you weren't there either. A symphony of misunderstandings and missteps that led you both on paths you never imagined, alone and hurt.

Javier was more than a crush or your first love.  He was your best friend, your confidant. The one person who knew you inside and out. The person you thought would stand by you through everything. But life had other plans.

He had taken your heart those many years ago, and you realized with a startling clarity, as you sat there alone in the bar, that he never gave it back. His words, his actions, the anger in his eyes – they still held sway over your heart. His presence still caused your heart to flutter, his absence made it ache.

No, you realized. Javier Peña still had your heart. And the bitter truth was, despite the years and the pain, you didn't want it back.

In the cold, dim light of the bar, you sat alone with your thoughts and your memories, nursing a heart that seemed forever pledged to a man who could never be yours. And for the first time in 13 years, you allowed yourself to grieve for what was lost, for what could never be again.

[oftenderweapons]

Every Little Tomorrow | KNJ

Pairing: Namjoon x reader (nicknamed Vixen)

Wordcount: 2.8k

Genre: angst, fluff, hurt to comfort

Rating: suggested 18+

Synopsis: As they make their way back to each other, and adjust to the changes their lives are going through - and will have to go through - Namjoon and Vixen step into the next chapter of their lives together.

Warnings: There are angsty bits related to self-consciousness due to pregnancy and post-partum body. Extremely serious topics are touched, such as intimacy issues, the husband stitch, medical malpractice, and birth complications. Some side-effects of pregnancy are also mentioned (mostly light topics, such as body temperature, hormonal imbalances, and other blood-flow related issues). If you are sensitive to themes such as "bouncing back" after a pregnancy, and fearing your partner might leave you after your body changes, or that your intimate life might come to a halt after having a child, this fic could feel a bit heavy, though Vixen's worries are met with understanding and tenderness on Namjoon's behalf.

If you have struggled or are struggling with accepting your body after bearing a child/children, or you think that becoming a parent put a strain on your relationship, I want you to know I am close to you and you can come to me to just rant and let it all out. You are not alone, and you are understood. Your feelings are always, always valid. I love you, and I've got you 💜

As usual, I'm leaving you my masterlist linked right here, and the fic's below the cut!

Your index finger ran aimlessly up and down the bridge of Namjoon’s nose. You were propped on your elbow, the comforter rolled up to cover your naked chest. 

He looked so peaceful. 

The last five months had been a nightmare. When you’d decided, together, for you to go off the pill, you hadn’t expected anything, and he hadn’t either. 

You’d just been happy at the prospect of someday, potentially, eventually, starting a family. In the future. 

Neither of you had meant it as a “right now”. It was more of a “if we get pregnant, we’ll arrange”. Even more of a “we’ve stopped not wanting kids”. 

But going from that to actually having them…

You just shook your head and chuckled at the irony of it all. 

Of course you’d got pregnant way before either of you — and your obgyn — had expected. 

And the fact that Namjoon had been working way more than usual, to the point that he sometimes stayed at the studio— well, it had bugged you to the point that when you found out you were pregnant and he forgot about the dinner you had arranged to tell him, you had decided to put him on hold. 

He had managed to bring you home a few days after your escape, mostly because morning sickness and your general wellbeing were putting you at risk. 

The main reason you were convinced was that it wasn’t just one baby you were carrying, but two twins, and with Namjoon’s recurring nightmares you couldn’t afford leaving him alone. 

The two months following your return home were almost as difficult as the two months spent in his absence. 

It was constant fits and starts, with Namjoon’s enthusiasm and your cold feet, your fear, your health continuously wobbly. 

And the cold. You’d never felt so cold, and a few seconds later, you were hot all over. Your body entirely lost its homeostatic function. As if your blood wasn’t enough to keep you heated through the day, and then suddenly it came all bubbling up.

You ran him insane with your kicking off the blankets, then burrowing back in them, then asking for more of them, just to start all over again five minutes later. You went about your day in a t-shirt, with a button down on top, with a sweater on top, and then an extra throw in your bag, just in case the cold got to you. Not to mention the fact that you started storing a blanket even in your office, and your feet, for now only occasionally swollen, were perpetually freezing.

You were scared all of the time, and when you weren’t scared, you were either nauseous or hungry. Sometimes both, which is a seriously ludicrous and unfortunate combination. 

And Namjoon treated you like a vessel made of glass, always considerate, always gentle, to the point that it almost hurt being around him. 

You just wanted him back, the way it used to be, your reckless, relentless lover, and not this museum guard who treated you like a delicate painting — or maybe, the frame of it, because for several weeks it was like you were simply the person carrying his children. Not his wife, not his lover, not his person. 

You spent hours crying in secret, imposter syndrome choking you as you felt pampered and loved just as a means to an end, as a way to love the babies inside you, and not the person that you are. 

It was a slow, heart-shattering agony, until you told him, broken and exhausted, that you couldn’t handle it. 

But now, there you are, his heart strong under the palm of your hand. 

You aren’t cold, mostly because of the thermoregulating blanket he’s got you. But also because of your husband. 

His eyes open, lazy slits shining just a shard of his pupils as he aims his gaze your way. “Was I good enough?” he asks, a lopsided smirk on his face.

You nod. 

After almost a month of therapy, you and Namjoon have found a way to reconnect, and it felt so right. 

After rushed encounters that felt more like hooking up than making love, today had been it. 

Today felt like a milestone. 

Your hand traces his stomach. “You’re always good to me.” 

“Last time I wasn’t.” 

You wait, tracing patterns on his skin, collecting your thoughts. Last time you’d been so passive, almost indifferent, that you’d both given up on having sex in that moment. 

“Last time was complicated. I felt very… Disconnected.” You try to get closer to him but your belly gets in the way. It’s not large yet, but it’s there, foreign, somehow.

Namjoon reads the disappointment in your eyes and rolls you onto your other side, spooning you. “It scared me. We’re already struggling with our words, and when we don’t talk things out we usually— I felt like I was losing you for real.” 

You sniffle. “It’s because I was losing myself, first and foremost. How could I help you hear me when I couldn’t hear myself?” 

Namjoon kisses your nape, the side of your neck, your temple. “But we’re here now. I’m here. I’ve got you.” He pauses. “I’ve got you, on top of all my priorities.” He cups your face, kissing you on the mouth as you both stretch. “Just you. My wife. My companion. And then it’s the kids. But they will always, always come after you, okay? Even if it’s just a millisecond, they come after you, love.” 

You burrow yourself deep into his hold. 

“You know about my parents… They never loved each other like we do. They married, they fell into a polite companionship. Mother had me, and birthing me left permanent marks on her. Father loved her so much he never asked for another child after me, but I guess Mother always blamed herself for not giving him a son. A heir.” 

Namjoon noses at your hair, his fingers tracing the ridges of your collarbones. “I guess you never told me.” 

You shrug. “Having me created a gap between my parents. I don’t want us to be like that.” 

He hums in acknowledgement. “But you said it first. They never loved each other like we do.” 

You turn your head to the side, your hand wrapping around his. “I’m afraid still, at times. We won’t have the time or the energies we had before. I’ll be tired. My body will change, I won’t have as much time as before to take care of myself, and the twins—” You shake your head. “They’ll destroy me, Namjoon.” 

Fear grips him out of the blue. He grips you harder. “I won’t allow them. I don’t care about how your body will change. No ‘bounce back’ bullshit in here. You will have the body of a wondrous woman who grew not one, but two lives inside her. In my personal perspective, that’s an honour. Large one. But I’m here for it all. You want surgery to go back to what you used to be? Fine, I’ll book all the appointments with all the best surgeons. You want to have free weekends without the kids? I’ll arrange. We’ll find babysitters. And I’m their father, it’s not like you’re parenting alone, okay?” 

“What if you don’t like me anymore?” Your voice is weak, fragile. “I mean, I’ll change down there too and—” 

“And what? I won’t enjoy having sex with you?” You can tell he’s stressing by the way he was struggling to hold you. “You think I’m going to love you less? You think I’m going to crave any less the feel of being inside you?” He shakes his head. “I’m speechless.” 

You turn around fully this time. 

“You think I’m a piece of garbage like that?” 

You frown, sadness like a cloak on your linings. “I’m not saying that, I’m just worrying whether we’ll have that same connection, the chemistry that brings us together.”

He cradles your face and kisses your lips. “You have no idea, do you? The effect that you have on me. You’re my ride or die, babylove. You were since the night I almost lost you, when you called it quits. Remember? Before you came to my studio, and I told you that I love you.” Namjoon presses his forehead to yours and it almost hurts. “I bet my everything on you, Vixen. We gotta win this race. And then we’ll keep running, baby.” He breathes in your exhale, the two of you coexisting as an ecosystem of your own. Outside the room, a raging concrete jungle grows, a whole metropolis full of millions of people. But again, that is outside your room. 

Now, here, it’s just Namjoon and you and the twin war drum hearts beating inside your belly. 

“We’ll keep running,” you say, brushing your cheek against Namjoon’s chest like a needy cat. 

“I’ve married you because I know you’re the only woman who I trust running as fast and as hard and as reckless as I do.” His voice cracks, and you try to comfort him more fiercely. “I know that sometimes being by my side is being condemned to run through the most unkempt paths, exploring, never feeling entirely safe, always feeling like I’m giving more attention to the scenery than to my companion. I know it sucks and sometimes I feel guilty for dragging you into this. But if it’s not you, then it’s nobody else, fox. No one else I’d be doing this with.”

Your eyes water, the hormones bringing you to the brink of tears. “Don’t say it like that. I knew what I was getting myself into. You’re not the only one who needs running. You’re not the only one who needs someone who can keep the pace.” You chuckle, even through the lump in your throat, through the tears. “You really think I’d have let anyone else blow me up like a balloon with their ginormous babies?” 

You manage to make Namjoon chuckle with that, which pleases you immensely. 

You even puff your chest in that specific “I’m extremely proud of my win” way.

“I wouldn’t have, sir. I’m doing this because I trust you.” You hold his face and he holds yours, both of you drying the tears the other has shed. “But I swear to god, if I get less sex, less love and less time than before, I will sue you. I will make Kitten draw won after won out of you. Understood?” 

He nods with surety. “But we’d go to therapy first and we would look for a way to solve things. Like we’re doing now.” 

“You think you’re the only ride or die in here?” You click your tongue in disappointment. “Nope. I have every interest in keeping you, so I won’t let go until I can’t hold you anymore. And I have two extra reasons not to let go, now. Two very large, very active and potentially very expensive reasons not to let go.” 

He chuckles. “Good thing money’s not an issue.” 

You arch your eyebrows in surprise. “You think I’m joking? Do you know the cost of a child?! In this economy?! Go figure two of them!”

Namjoon laughs harder and pulls you closer. “Come here, smart mouth. Let me worry about the economy. You just push these two out and make sure you make it out okay.” 

You bite your lip at the comment, knowing how much it costs him to joke on something he had nightmares about. 

“Can I keep them in here for another year or so…? Just to make sure they’re really, really ready.”

Namjoon traces the shell of your ear with his fingertip, his eyes deep and reassuring and meaningful as he scans your face, looking for any trace of fear. “I can’t allow you to hold them hostage. I want to see them. I want to touch their little hands and their tiny feet. You feel them with you everyday, all day long. I wish I could have that too.” 

You comb his hair away from his face, conveying the sweetness you feel for him. “I can lend them to you, if you’d like. Just so I can properly stretch at least for a few hours a day.” 

He tuts and sighs, playfully disappointed by your light-hearted joke. “I’m not kidding. Right now all I think of is that song about swapping places. I wish I could swap with you right now. Just to feel them live inside me. Feel them awaken and stretch and—” 

“Trust me, a lot more unpleasant, a lot less romantic.” 

His giggle caresses the hair at your temple. 

“They nap on your spine. Sometimes they move and suddenly you’re ready to fart so loud you’re gonna wake up the neighbours.”

Namjoon bursts out laughing so explosively that you aren’t even embarrassed about admitting that. You are overpowered by the joy of hearing him so undeniably, unarguably happy. 

“And that’s when you’re not thinking about pushing them out. Do you know how common it is for the perineum to rip?” 

Namjoon stops laughing. “Rip what?” 

“That lovely patch of skin that stretches from the bottom edge of the opening of the vagina to the anus. That can rip.”

Namjoon’s eyes go wide. “Really?”

You nods. “That’s why I’m worried about sex. You rip there and they’ve gotta stitch you up—”

“Stitch you up?” He is visibly shocked.

“Yes, they stitch the skin so it seals back, but it takes weeks to heal. Sometimes they even add an extra stitch. To make it tighter, you know.” 

He blinks and frowns. “What?” 

“It’s called the husband stitch. The entrance gets tighter because they make it smaller. They stitch back together more than what actually ripped.” 

“And people get that? Willingly? I mean, women want that?” 

You shrug. “Sometimes they do. Sometimes they’re not even conscious and it’s the husband making the decision.”

“Do you want that?” Namjoon asks, apprehensive and concerned. 

“I kind of don’t. It’s gonna be a warzone down there for a long time. It feels like it’s a silly thing to do. And tighter means more painful, so— It could just rip again, of course, there’s that too.”

Namjoon hisses, a disgusted look on his face. “Why would one do that…” 

“Pleasure. Wanting to feel ‘new’ again. Going back to before one had kids. The list goes on.” You toy with a lock of his hair, staring at it to avoid making eye contact with him. He still searches for your gaze. 

“And you don’t want that.”

“You’re not the kind of man who lacks in measures. And I’ll try fix my pelvic floor with appropriate exercises. But the thing with the hymen — the skin around the entrance — is that it’s elastic. Of course it won’t bounce back to what it used to be, but I’d rather it be a bit too loose than so tight that every time we have sex I feel like crying.”

Namjoon nods. “I never thought this existed in real life.”

You snicker bitterly. “Oh, it does. And there’s more of it.”

“What’s that called again? The stitch?” 

“Husband stitch.”

“I’ll look that up. It’s insane. And you tell me there are men who willingly tell their partner they want that?” Namjoon seems seriously concerned about the idea. 

“Yes. Some couples agree, others don’t. In some cases it’s the man giving permission to it without consulting his partner. Sometimes it’s the doctor that adds stitches, without anyone requesting them.”

Namjoon stays silent for several seconds before he exhales, collecting his thoughts. “We’ll talk about this with your obgyn. We’ll specify we both don’t want it and we’ll sue for malpractice if that happens.” He seems extremely resolute about his decision. After a while, he adds, “Do you think they’ll agree to belly binding? I read about it the other day and I mean, after carrying two babies I guess you could really benefit from it. Also, since you’re worried about your postpartum, and how much the belly will bother you afterwards, I think binding could be also for aesthetic reasons over the obvious health ones.”

You agree. “We’ll discuss it with the doctor. I really should make a folder with all the information we’re discussing, since twins usually come out early. We really don’t know when they’re gonna come.”

Namjoon pats your head and kisses the crown of it, your growing belly causing your and Namjoon’s body to turn into two very protective parentheses, bracketing the precious treasure the two of you made together.

“I can send an email in the morning. Just to make sure the stitch situation is laid down clearly. And for the binding.”

You nod, eyes fluttering close at his soothing touch. “Do you wanna hear about nipple calluses?” you ramble, half asleep.

“WHAT?!”

Thank you for reading! Always remember that a reblog and/or a comment can make a writer's day!

[i-want-the-shovel]

Vegetarianism

I was a vegetarian for four years. I had the idealistic notion that I didn't want my food choices to contribute to world hunger, environmental degradation, or the corporatization of America. I wanted to do what I could to consume only my share of the resources and respect all forms of life as much as possible. The issue became more complicated with the corporatization of organics and the health food industry. The soy veggie burgers I once viewed as a guilt free meat alternative suddenly became another money making product in the ever expanding vegetarian market. The highly processed burger was made with soybeans, which no longer seemed like a health food, but rather a likely genetically modified crop that was quickly becoming one of America's most widespread monocultures. But that's a sidebar. My reasons for eating meat come from a very different place. There is one event that sticks out in my head as a turning point.

At the soup kitchen I worked at, we frequently had volunteers come in to cook meals. One such volunteer was named James. He was a middle aged man of Mexican descent who spoke English well, but with a heavy accent. He was volunteering at the soup kitchen because he was required to do so to maintain eligibility for his food stamps. I hadn't yet decided what to cook for lunch when James arrived, but I had ground pork thawing. I wasn't much in the cooking mood, but it was my lucky day. James loved to cook and was unintimidated to cook for forty, a rare find in a temporary volunteer like James. So James set off to work, appearing very comfortable in the kitchen. He told me he was going to make a pork red chile. It was his daughter's favorite. He was doing this all for his daughter, you know. If it weren't for her, he said, he wouldn't care so much about getting food stamps. In fact, he wouldn't care so much about anything. He'd probably just be off drinking somewhere, not caring if tomorrow came or not. But because of his daughter, he was there, working to get his food stamps. As he browned the meat, he shared with me some of the secrets of Mexican cooking, proud to share with a gringa such as myself. I complimented him throughout the process, as the food looked and smelled delicious.

About half an hour before lunch was to be served, James proudly handed m a bowl of his red chile. I would be the first to sample his masterpiece. I had an awkward moment, similar to many I'd had before. "Actually, I don't eat meat. I'm a vegetarian," I said quietly, looking down. When I looked up at James, his expression was one of confused embarrassment, with a little shame. I myself was ashamed that I had caused that look. He asked me to just try a bite, and again I refused, unsure of how my stomach would react. I felt uncomfortable and awkward and as the day went on, I began to feel more and more ashamed of what I'd done. I don't know when my vegetarianism suddenly became more important than human dignity. I swore it would never happen, but it did. Suddenly, vegetarianism was no longer a noble way of life, but rather a pretentious dietary choice.

I spent the next month or two thinking about that event and other similar events. How many authentic Mexican meals had I missed because of my refusal to eat meat? In theory, food and sharing meals are important to me as a cultural event. My family always ate dinner together and there is something about eating with people that is very special. But for the past year at the soup kitchen, when I was eating with people, I was sitting down with a plate of salad or a canned vegetable. It was never a complete meal. Somehow I felt if I wasn't eating the main dish, I wasn't really eating with people. Often people would comment on the lack of meat on my plate and I would attempt to explain why I was a vegetarian. It was a foreign concept to so many people and if they asked me to explain my reasoning, I often felt snobby trying to explain my concern about consuming too many of the world's resources to someone who had so few resources to start. How lucky I was to even have that concern.

I also began to think about how I love cooking for people. There is nothing like preparing a meal for people and sitting down and eating it with them. Not to be vain, but I love the compliments I get after cooking a good meal. I thought of all the times a soup kitchen guest had cooked an amazing meal and I had turned down a taste. I do not pretend to think my praise of a meal could mean that much to someone, but if eating the meal could instill a bit of pride in someone who was really down and out, wouldn't it be worth it?

The first meat I hate was a barbeque sandwich. Yes, my stomach hurt, but it was worth it. At first, I didn't always like swallowing huge chunks of meat, but gradually it grew on me. It was a slippery slope, and soon I was eating whatever meat I could get my hands on. Whether this is a good thing or not, I do not know. But now I can say I've eaten elk, deer, buffalo, red chile, green chile, and tons of other authentic southwestern cuisine I never would have tried had I remained a vegetarian.

My dietary choices extended beyond meat. I wanted to drink Coke and eat at Sonic. That's what normal people do. Sure, I could keep eating my fruits and veggies, but who doesn't love a good slice of fried bologna now and again?

But when I think about it, I don't want to but that stuff in my body. I don't want all the salt and strange animal parts that come in a piece of bologna. If I'm going to eat an animal, I want to understand exactly how it was an animal, that it lived a good animal life, and that I knew what part I was eating. I don't want to drink high fructose corn syrup and artificial colors in Coke. I don't want to eat a McDonald's cheeseburger, I really don't. But how do I make this all fit together? Can I be in solidarity with a poor American when I refuse to eat the same food as them? It is my position to educate someone about how they should prioritize and maybe give up their cell phone or cable tv so they can buy local, organic produce? Should I tell them how their kids will probably be overweight and diabetic by the time they are twenty because of all the Mountain Dew they are drinking? Should I accept this is the culture of poor America and move on? Am I being judgmental and closeminded, thinking poor people don't value health the way I do? I just don't know.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Coming Out (To Family or Friends) Masterlist

A Christmas Miracle (ao3) - scifi

Summary: dan tells his grandma about phil

Beautiful Thing or Five Times Phil sort of came out to Martyn and One Time he really came out to Martyn (ao3) - moonygirl76

Summary: Like it says on the can.

Five times Martyn is oblivious with what's going on with Phil and one time Phil has to spell it out for him.

Brotherly (ao3) - chiridotalaevis

Summary: Martyn has a text conversation with his mother while on tour.

Christmas Coming Out (ao3) - FandomFeels17

Summary: He didn't intend to come out to his mum in his future mother in law's kitchen at Christmas... But here he was, doing exactly that.

cradled by the bare sky (ao3) - Tarredion

Summary: “What did you want, mum?” he asks, the words a mere whisper, his lips curving into a quivering smile. He stays where he is, one hand resting on the frame. Both of the gestures break her heart. She knows he wants to get the truth out there, as they’ve had a silent agreement for quite some time, but seems too scared to try.

Enjoin (ao3) - breatherepeat

Summary: The emails had been sent to his family and Dan attempts to process not getting a response from his father. This chapter set is heavy with angst and father issues, but it is needed to get to the other side.

Equilibrium (ao3) - breatherepeat

Summary: During the process of living his truth, Dan and his brother develop a new understanding of one another.

How Could I Not? (ao3) - tooweaktosleep

Summary: "'It’s sent.'

He puts his face in his hands and rubs at his eyes. Phil is sat smiling softly next to him, just like he always is. Whether a smile is there or not, he’s always there, always right beside Dan. "

Dan comes out to his family, and then to the world, and Phil is right there the whole way through.

I love him (ao3) - Misha_with_wings

Summary: Phil had hidden who he really was for such a long time that he was scared of people knowing the truth.

Luckily Dan comes into his life, making him feel safe and so extremely happy.

Dan makes Phil feel less scared to be himself, and he finally feels comfortable and ready to come out and show the real side of him.

No more fear, no more secrets, no more hiding.

“I’m sorry if my apology isn’t good enough.” (ao3) - yikesola

Summary: “Pretty intolerant of you to be like that, son.” Dan’s dad’s voice is that cloying sort of smug it gets whenever he thinks he’s got someone cornered.

A fic about phone calls and harrowing journeys.

just me, her, and the moon (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: He's been thinking a long time about coming out, about how he just needs to be alone with his mum and then he can just finally say it. But now, he could really do it. He could really tell his mum he's gay.

mind your manners (ao3) - watergator

Summary: dan (kinda) comes out to his brother

Misunderstandings (ao3) - MarriedPhan1234

Summary: Is Dan's mum homophobic, or was it all just a big misunderstanding?

pride (ao3) - watergator

Summary: phil growing up gay through the eyes of his mother

Some Other Light (ao3) - jestbee

Summary: Dan works the night shift because it's easier to exist in the dark

the beginning of forever (ao3) - waveydnp

Summary: that amazing week they spent together in phil's house in 2009

the conversation (ao3) - calvinahobbes

Summary: "They had a joke in there. About a sex tape with him and Dan." A fic about Phil's parents and That Conversation.

the scariest part (is letting go) (ao3) - huphilpuffs

Summary: Dan's journey with sexuality continues long after he meets Phil.

The Holidays Are Not Always Cheerful (ao3) - oliviawrites (LauraLittlemiss)

Summary: Dan and Phil go to visit Phil's homophobic relatives for Christmas Eve dinner, plot twist; Phil's extended family doesn't know Dan exists.

the second tetris block (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: Things seem to be falling into place for Phil.

They support you? (ao3) - Fanficloverlol

Summary: Dan and Phil have been together for two and a half years. Thing is, their parents don't know they're gay. When the Lester's invite the Howells over for Christmas with they find out?

together we sang (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." -Billy, age 4 (1 of 2)

Turn and Face the Strange (ao3) - TortiTabby

Summary: Kathryn Lester starts to feel a change in her youngest towards the end of 2009.

turn this house into a home (ao3) - possumdnp

Summary: A 2009-centric fic about starting to find pride in your identity for the first time, and finding family who helps you do that (even if it’s not the family you were born into)

Venus's Looking Glass (ao3) - auroraphilealis (peachrosepetals)

Summary: Shy!punk!Phil has been crushing on confident!pastel!Dan for years now, but he’s never felt comfortable enough to do anything about it until he accidentally comes out to his brother Martyn, who is nothing but supportive. It’s Martyn’s idea to woo Dan with flowers - only, he didn’t mean do it anonymously.

What a great year to be a mum (ao3) - WhatsNew

Summary: Karen reminisces in the year of big revelations, regret, happiness and new chapters. Year 2019 through proud mum's eyes.

What We Are to Each Other (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: So maybe they both suck at communication. Maybe Dan needs to talk to Phil about what they are to each other. And maybe Phil needs to sit his parents down and tell them that big, slightly scary thing about himself. But maybe it'll all work itself out, one way or another.

you won't be alone (ao3) - interruptedbyfjreworks

Summary: in which dan comes out to his parents in 2010 and things don't go as planned.

[squirrelinthebelfry]

Christmas at my sister's place. I call it "The Castle", although it's just an oversized monstrosity in a subdivision of other oversized monstrosities, built with no more than six feet of yard between them in order to squeeze maximum value out of the land 🤮. She doesn't own it, though, and only ended up renting it because of extenuating circumstances, so don't judge her too harshly.

Anyway, Christmas was an emotionally heavy shit-show for me, and because of that I don't really remember much. I mean, it was already gonna be hard just because of my ongoing issues with family stuff, but then after dinner on Christmas day my dad gave out cards to those of us who were there that day, (the official celebration wasn't happening until boxing day). Everyone's card had cash in it, which is pretty standard from my dad these days. He handed one to my sister, kissed her on top of her head and said "buy yourself something nice" as she opened it and took the cash out, then he handed me my card and walked away without saying anything. When I opened mine, there was nothing inside. Dude, it took everything I had in me to maintain a neutral face, but as soon as I could get away unnoticed I escaped to the guest room where I'm staying and bawled my eyes out. My dad has been rejecting me since childhood, but doing it so cruelly is a bit extra even for him. It crossed my mind that maybe it was an accident, but I couldn't convince myself that it wasn't deliberate. He's chosen cruelty before, but until now Christmas was a "Safe Time". You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but as hard as I try to heal that wound I still keep naively hoping that he's eventually going to see some value in me. I reasoned that he probably did this because I've stopped trying so hard to be at his beck and call lately. It used to be that when he said "jump" I asked "how high?", but recently I've said "no" a couple times and that's new for him. I couldn't pull myself out of the gloom for nearly 24 hours. My niblings and grand niblings came on boxing day and not even that could pull me out of my sadness. I tried to fake my way through as best as I could, so I wouldn't dampen anyone else's mood, but it was hard. It wasn't until after dinner when my dad handed out his remaining cards that my mood was changed. My nephew opened his card and it was empty, and when my dad saw that it was empty he got very confused. Apparently he'd forgotten to put money in a couple cards, and when he found out mine had nothing it it either, he gave me some cash. You'd think that would've cheered me up, but it didn't. It wasn't about the money, for starters, and while it turned out to be an honest mistake, it woke up a lot of old demons. It's been a long time since my dad's done something outwardly mean or outright told me what an embarrassing disappointment I am, and this just dragged everything back to the surface. As soon as I found out it was an error I just went from feeling heart-broken to this sort of heavy apathetic exhaustion. I went upstairs to bed and slept from around 7:30pm until after ten this morning. I don't even know what time everyone left. I hope no one's feelings were hurt that I was so distant the whole time.