#i dont know what i did wrong... but im sorry...

[winewinebloodwine]

[Chuuya makes a helpless frustrated noise, and his brain feels like its spinning in circles backwards and falling off a tightrope and hes trying but nothing is working] Milkvetch- not- flos adonis [is all he can manage to say]

['I'm doing something wrong. I'm doing something wrong i don't want to be doing something wrong I don't want him to leave. I'm making it worse, aren't I Osamu hates it when I'm upset in the house should I leave does Dazai want me to leave I don't know what to do i don't know what to do i don't want him to go i don't want him to go i don't want Osamu j don't want him to go am I supposed to go is that why is that what I i don't want to go it hurts I'm so tired I don't want to fuck it up I'm sorry I'm sorry fuck I'm not doing this right I'm reacting to much I'm reacting too much I'm reacting too much I'm reacting wrong I'm being wrong I'm wrong again again I'm doing it wrong I'm doing everything wrong and I'm gonna make Dazai tired of the like I did Osamu cause I'm wrong and i can't stop reacting and I'm being so fuvking stupid and i dont know how to make him stay and im being too needy and wrong and Dazai is probably mad at me just like how Osamu used to get and now I'm gonna be alone again and I cant make Dazai stay like I used to with Osamu before he left cause then he left anyways and i dont knoe what Dazai wants and im doing everything wrong what am i doing wrong'-]

[Chuuya hums a bit, still mostly focused on trying to breath. He nods though, absently agreeing. He tilted his head a bit, seeming to be silently wondering if dazai had gotten it all or not, before sighing a bit. His grip around Dazais wrist is iron strong, if a bit loose.]

[@long-death-dazai contining the other one here!]

[torahtot]

you can always tell when someone doesn't have maga men in their life and god it makes me angry.. "if you're nice and compassionate you can be the one woman that makes them realize women aren't mean!" my mom bent over backwards for my dad for 25 fucking years he has plenty of other women kissing his ass and it never changed anything. do you really think that before being radicalized they never knew a single kind woman? they were never friends with a nice girl? alt-right men's problem with women isn't just that they've experienced too many mean women and they need to be shown that women can be nice, it's that they think women are inferior and don't deserve rights and don't understand anything so you can do what you want with them. and it takes a lot more than being nice to show someone that you aren't inferior. this isn't a case of being nice even when it's hard for the sake of deradicalization, it's about spending every fucking interaction with someone trying to get them to see you as a human being with value and a functioning intellect while they just laugh and show you that's never going to happen.

i cannot stress this enough: random women are not just going out and Being Mean to men. ur average guy interacts with plenty of women throughout his life- close women amongst their friends and family, casual interactions etc. most people don't start out being shunned by women, they start out being treated as NORMAL. & when they show their disrespect in normal society, it isn't tolerated, but when they go to alt-right spaces (which they're pushed towards online) they're told they're allowed to be as horrible as they want with no consequences because they're entitled to everything. it isn't "women aren't welcoming and the alt-right is so friendly so i'll become alt-right," it's "women don't let me disrespect them and the alt-right tells me fuck them, do whatever you want, you're entitled to it all" and why would you choose the group where you have to be a normal accountable person when there's a group that will reward you for being a shithead who gives no fucks?

the alt-right can afford to be more friendly and welcoming because they can allow bigotry. this can't work the same way for progressive spaces because we can be as kind & welcoming as possible but at the end of the day we have lines where we have to say "this behavior/speech isn't allowed in this space," and for certain people, that just can't win against a space where you can be as nasty as you want. these posts always end with a disclaimer saying "of course being kind doesnt mean you need to tolerate their bigotries" but what they don't realize and what drives me crazy is that women not tolerating bigotry IS the "women are mean" that radicalized them in the first place. they perceive you pushing back on any bigotry or bullshit as you being a meanie and treating them like they're ontologically evil. the 'kindness' they need to be deradicalized is you letting them walk all over you.

idk what the answer is to deradicalizing them and im sure relationships are part of it but you can be as kind as you want and all it will do is destroy you ime. i cant stand to see people (who have never even successfully deradicalized any man by being nice btw they always speak in hypotheticals and not from experience) double down on telling women to do things that will see no results and only hurt them, especially when any woman who has tried can tell you exactly how it went

[diangelodork]

DBDA nightly analysis #22!

tonight’s topic: charles’ death/abuse MASSIVE TWs guys!!

(this one’s gonna be p short bc i need to find more things to analyze in advance LMAO apologies!! ((also, this is going to be written sort of halfway in charles’ pov to help illustrate what i’m imagining this is like for him. obviously i dont think he’s weak or pathetic for not being able to survive the insane assault and abuse he faced.(((also also, this is my least favorite analysis ive written yet, im so sorry if this is your first impression of me i promise im usually better at this-))))))

a theory that has been plaguing my mind is that charles feels inadequate about his death. his death was a tragedy, of course, but so was his life. his father abused him for who knows how long, but certainly for a long time considering how used to it he seemed.

he was physically abused for years and here he was, not escaped yet, but not far from it. sixteen years old with about two years to go and at st. hilarion’s for the time being. he even had a few people he considered friends.

but then he watches as they do this wretched thing and hurt somebody innocent on account of a thing like their race. they were hurting someone who had done nothing wrong, just like his father did to him. and what’s worse, he was south asian too. this could be him in a second if they chose for it to be.

he couldn’t ever step up and protect himself, so here he was stepping in to protect someone else. someone he could see being him. he was the saviour he needed.

the boy got away.

he didn’t.

he took his place and that was fine. he could handle abuse. he could manage it. he dealt with it for so long that nothing they could do would affect him that much, right? and of course, the betrayal hurt, but hell, it hurt more when it was his dad who abused him. he could deal with this.

but the pain started getting worse, and the cold was sharper than he’d ever felt it. he had to run. he had to escape. he never had the chance to escape or run away or hide from his dad, he just had to take it. why was he so weak that he couldn’t handle it now?

he ran. he ran and he hated himself for it, but he couldn’t even focus on that because he was so cold. he was so bloody cold. he had never been this cold before. and it hurt like hell where they had thrown stones at him. the cold buried itself into where the bruises were probably forming and he was just shivering. it was all he could do.

and then charles died.

he died because of physical injuries. internal bleeding. what a fucking joke. he had sustained injuries that hurt way more than anything those bullies could’ve done but it was that fucking chill in the air- he had spent all his life in pain. he had spent all of his life with injuries and that’s what ended up killing him? he knew what pain was. he knew it well.

he thought it may be the end of him, but not like this. he though maybe his father would take it too far one day and- but it wasn’t even that. it was some boys trying to make fun of him and he wasn’t good enough to take it.

that’s why he swore to be that protector for edwin. edwin had saved him and now he wouldn’t ever have to worry about physical harm. charles would be able to endure that for him now. he couldn’t die from it anymore, could he? what did it matter.

[luckystar1327]

vent under the cut sorry to people who follow me for creative stuff i will be back to it soon

what the fuck is wrong with me i got a B on a math test and i started crying

i fucking hate this i hate that i do poorly because im not used to having to work to be smart and now i cant do shit anymore and the one constant thing i did good at is gone! its not there its fucking gone and im not good at anything anymore no one in my family cares about anything else than my fucking grades they dont care about other things i do its always back to schoolwork

there is something so fundamentally wrong with my mind and i am too tired to give a shit at this point

nothing works the way its supposed to and i cant even do anything about it because im so reluctant to open up that literal therapy didnt even work

i dont even know if im happy or sad or whatever because i dont know what feelings are real, nothing feels real and i feel like i have ten different versions of myself running around in different groups and i dont know which is me but rhey cant all be me so which one is if

i am having a mental breakdown and blasting my liked songs because of a fucking math test what the hell even is this

[a-loose-ribbon]

[moeblob]

North and Simon: (shaking hands on killing Simon potentially)

[honeyhobbs]

I never get tired of drawing his face it's so fun

[bulbabutt]

87 donnie would never build something as boring and non-turtle themed as the modern smart phone

[nmoroder]

Meursault askblog post #3: what do you feel when you think about your Mother?

Askblog tag: #nmoroder meursault ask Please see pinned blog post before asking questions!

Ooh boy here we go. i've had several thoughts abt Meur's mother just off the top of my head when i was new to the characters and overall lore, but time passed and my knowledge grew and now those theories suck and im excited to know what its really all about. Nevertheless i feel like its something not so pleasant to think about for him, and since we've got like endless time before his canto comes up, i am free to do whatever i please. sorry man!

[ganondoodle]

i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo

[raventrigonsdaughter]

Ok i finished that mouthwashing or whatever the name is game that my fruends recommended .eand that i was seeing all over twitter and tumblr and even tiktok on the rare moments i open it... Why so many of u fucjing weirdos like jimmy... and it's not in a "well written villain" way either some of you fucks are genuinely making fanart about him as a uwu baby and about him and curly wth is wrong with u people

"It's just a game character" absolutely and he happens to be a rapist and all i have seen before even playing this game is non ironic fanart of this fucker and people completly ignoring the victims of the story

Cool game tho, thanks for the friends who said i should play it

[thegreatyin]

this nemesis ambition started out a little slow but I am getting closer to finding that bastard who killed my wife, and I’ll not rest a minute now that im far closer to on his trail

sorry got in character for a second

Anyways fun ambition so far very fucked up though

congratulations on joining the murder club anon!!!! depending on who you ask the name refers to either people who have murdered or people who have witnessed murder. usually both. actually extremely often both. it's a swell time you'll feel right at home (don't mind our collective skyglass knife collection in the back)

[fyreinhell]

everytime i look in the lilith tag I see so much hate and antagonism for her, like my god. we barely know much about her but some people are just desperate to hate on her while woobifying male characters and I can think of one word why.

[perilegs]

i'm trying to watch a trans guy critique some video game trans rep bc i'm interested in hearing more trans ppl talk about it. but he's very. i'm paraphrasing here but "why would anyone ever in a million years want their rpg character to have top surgery scars. isnt that a constant reminder to you and everyone around you about how you were born" and "you don't work on transitioning. you just need hormone treatment and possibly some--"

[engagemythrusters]

no bc a large reason i was instantly drawn to the Walmart Echo was because he WOULD be a walmart employee

all these modern AUs where the clones are cops or lawyers or whatever are missing the Big Thing about the clones in canon: they come from nothing, earn nothing, and die with nothing. They don't make money (i think?), they have very little rights, and they're fucking expendable.

You know what that is in real life now? That's the fuckin working class! That's minimum wage, no benefits, no overtime! Your front desk attendants, your cashiers, your stockers, your servers, your retail associates!

not to mention, the clones are men of colour, and a large portion of them becoming disabled (via physical disability or PTSD or what-have-you)... you think they're easily finding jobs? And in THIS economy? I hid my disability, played pretend, and I'm still makin jack squat. I've got privilages they don't have! I have a degree--they wouldnt have gotten formal educations in this universe!

in Star Wars, the clones are taken advantage of the whole damn time. you think it's gonna be any different in the real world?

now obviously people break through and stuff. some clones would, too. but by and large... society is made of working class. clones are blue collar through and through and damn its actually nice to see it.

[moeblob]

Wait is Stahl brown hair or gray hair??

And then the wiki description says he has Olive hair like ??? What color is that green?

It's not a thing against you I just periodically forget how strange of a hair color Stahl's is and become more confused later.

Hey, sorry to inform you but uh... you're asking the wrong person. I used to think he had light brown hair and colored it light brown for years and then was told by someone it was weird to see it with brown hair and I was like "what do you mean he doesn't have brown hair".

I just use the color picker tool for most art and back then I didn't use it from the 3DS sprites and just. Thought I was right. It was clearly light brown. (it's not light brown, it's more greenish)

I think I used color picking from FEH art for the greenish-gray color I color it now? But that's only after coloring his hair incorrectly for literal years. And then I tend to pull up old art I've done/colored to color pick that for consistency so I just am a whole mess of "I don't know what Stahl's hair color is and I have come to terms with it".