#i dont know how to read more on mobile

[unknownsigils]

and it would be like rebirth, out of some kind of dying- to see yourself, so glowing

[totentnz]

GOOD MORNING (now evening)

today i awoke and chose violence. i wanna talk a bit about the AU @bishicat and I have. ~inspired~ by the 5 songs, 3 outfits taggame!

EVERYBODY WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD

Welcome to your life There's no turning back Even while we sleep [...] We will find you It's my own design It's my own remorse Help me to decide Help me make the Most of freedom and of pleasure Nothing ever lasts forever Everybody wants to rule the world [...] There's a room where the light won't find you Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down When they do, I'll be right behind you I'm so glad we've almost made it So sad they had to fade it Everybody wants to rule the world [...] I can't stand this indecision Married with a lack of vision Everybody wants to rule the— Say that you'll never, never, never, never need it

name of the AU, basically it's about change, within oneself, within a friend group, within the world. and about accepting that change - or fighting against it. each member of the trio (or V³ as we like to call em) thinks their way of living is the right one. V(alerie) is hellbent on not backing down and staying right where she is V(incent) thinks getting away from the city and the people who hurt him is the best choice V(ivienne) wants more from life, money, fancy clothes and power

TOWNIE

There's a party and we're all going And we're all growing up Somebody's driving and he will be drinking And no one's going back 'Cause we've tried hungry and we've tried full and Nothing seems enough [...] I'm holding my breath with a baseball bat Though I don't know what I'm waiting for I am not gonna be what my daddy wants me to be

name of the pairing for V³ - the song is about growing up and changing. (AGAIN) bishi actually picked that one and i was on board right away, it was important to me that we pick a song we both like (the more rock-y feel of that song also helped lmao)

RYAN & DAVE

Ryan and Dave are rabble rousin', teenage cousins Difference is Dave has an off switch, and Ryan doesn't 20 years later now Dave behaves rank and file And Ryan's a burnt out adult, last gasp, wild child

guess what this one is about! CHANGE! (are you tired of it yet?) mostly it is about viv picking a different path than v though - one stayed exactly where she has always been while the other chose to change. ALSO in the music video they are DOGS and we love a dog motif

6:26 in the morning, didn't need alarm I couldn't sleep a wink, I'm betting my whole farm Left Dave's place at eight, just drove, didn't really talk I shook his hand and popped the door to make the walk Applied for admission at the detox shop Got to the door it said open, ten o'clock It's freezing out, no way that I can make it to ten Look back at my truck at my only real friend

some time ago we talked about viv helping v on her healing journey (girlie cannot catch a break from being a babysitter even after she got johnny a body LMAO) and even though v never ends up at rehab (maybe that will change) it still fits pretty well.

NEVER LET ME DOWN AGAIN

I'm taking a ride with my best friend I hope he never lets me down again He knows where he's taking me Taking me where I want to be I'm taking a ride with my best friend [...] We're flying high We're watching the world pass us by Never want to come down Never want to put my feet back down on the ground [...] See the stars, they're shining bright (never let me down) Everything's alright tonight (never let me down)

V³ had a pretty big fight at one point. viv was always going to leave for arasaka but v never understood or accepted it. they argued for hours and when vincent didn't chose her side, v stormed off to go on a weeklong bender. when she returned the flat was empty, both her siblings had left -and betrayed her. naturally, viv also felt betrayed by her childhood friend, all she asked for was support but instead she got called a traitor. i like to imagine this song plays on the radio one day after their reunion

THE KIDS AREN'T ALRIGHT

When we were young, the future was so bright The old neighborhood was so alive And every kid on the whole damn street Was gonna make it big and not be beat

Now the neighborhood's cracked and torn The kids are grown up, but their lives are worn How can one little street swallow so many lives?

TO ME this is THE streetkid song but it hits hard especially in this universe. as i mentioned before V³ thinks they picked the right path, they aren't gonna be beat (and honestly vincent is the only one who succeeded). viv had a good run but then she got kicked from the corp, lost her newest best friend, DIED and now has a whole other person stuck in her skull. v was stubborn, was homeless for a bit and is overall in a bad way (but then again, that's the only way she knows how to live so it's not as bad TO HER)

AS ABOVE, SO BELOW

THIS IS A BIG ONE SO BUCKLE IN FOLKS bishi and i had been talking about a personal quest for v and we ended up on this: one day they are driving somewhere while listening to the radio when a host teases a special treat! they have exclusive rights to the music of NC born and bred band Rotten! (yeah you guessed it! V's band) naturally this fills her with pure rage and viv knows this isn't going to end well (babysitting time!) v knows exactly who did this and is hellbent on rectifying this (there is more but yall are gonna have to wait for the day i decide to write it lmao) As Above, So Below is the name of the job! it is a song that v wrote but only she knows about it. while viv wasn't a band member she was there for it's founding and a few first concerts, she filmed a lot of it and even ran the merch stand a bit

I won't lie, it's quite temptin' Your handouts and your bones I won't lie, they're quite empty Your promises and your stones

If you sell, they'll buy Don't feel, just sign If you sell, they'll buy Don't think, stay blind

Give me the control Just sign on the dotted line Give me the control He whispered softly Give me the control You're crawling inside my mind Give me the control Don't you fight me?

As above, so below What you reap is what you sow What you give comes back three fold As above, so below

YES the song is about v not wanting to sign with a label and it is her final fuck you to the world of music. in reality that song is incredibly underproduced since by the time it was recorded the band had already broken up. v did ALL of it: singing, instruments, songwriting. editing magic made it come to life. depending on how it ends (yes there are multiple outcomes) viv will receive a shard with ALL of rotten's music, including THIS unreleased song and even some backstage footage from way back in the day when viv was still around.

See I've danced with the enemy We have secrets, no one knows Yeah, I've danced with my enemy I wore her skin and her clothes

honourable mention because this part is very viv coded

instead of outfits i present you! some soul crushing quotes! i hope you enjoy! :3c

[venticuliao]

The meaning of Scaramouche’s heart

Some thoughts about visions and how scaramouche’s arc plays into one of the major narratives of inazuma.

tl;dr: it’s (human) connection

Scaramouche experiences human emotion from the moment of his creation. We know this because the tears he shed in his sleep are the reason why Ei realized he was sentient (and therefore refused to use him as a tool/vessel for the gnosis).

So, if he was already capable of emotions and feelings, and we see later he even has empathy, what is the meaning of the “heart” that he seeks?

The gnosis

In the context of genshin’s lore, a gnosis is an internal magical focus used by archons that resonates directly with celestia. The puppet prototype that Ei created was meant to function as a vessel for her gnosis, thus scaramouche considers it a part of himself that was taken away.

Being separated from the gnosis (if he ever hosted it) means he lost the connection to higher/dive power (celestia), to divinity itself, and this is only speculation but perhaps the absence of this connection allowed him to explore his humanity among mortals after he woke up and started wandering inazuma.

Scaramouche is a being trapped between godhood and humanity, he’s neither one or the other. However, we see him make a choice in the sumeru chapter. One that was fated to fail.

The vision

We know beforehand that a vision, something venti describes as a “primitive tool”, will fulfill the role of his heart.

But how can a primitive tool replace the gnosis as his heart?

I think that the vision, much like the gnosis represents a connection to divinity, represents human connection.

The first bond a person can have —to a creator, a god, a mother— never existed. The bond scaramouche formed with a human he considered his family was betrayed. And the bond to a life he intended to nurture was severed by death.

Death

All human beings (and even godly creatures of teyvat) are share the fate of a physical death. But scaramouche, as per ei’s model specifications, is an indestructible immortal being that cannot choose to die. This is a special kind of loneliness that isolates him from everything that exists around him.

He has no connection to the world, and even if he formed new bonds he’s condemned to outlive them. Being in this position, it’s not odd that he’d want to get rid of his humanity, and that he’d want the connection to divinity/higher power back.

And yet, that doesn’t belong to him either.

Dreams and eternity

Makoto’s ideology revolves around the eternity of human dreams. She believed that even though human life is transient, their dreams (which she describes as “the yearning by living beings for a better future”, and can be interpreted as “progress”) have the capability to pass from one another, and thus become eternal.

This is explored in the main quest where a sword master goes insane due to guilt after his vision is taken away under the hunt decree. He defeated many other sword masters on his way to become the best, and after experiencing the loss of his ambition himself he’s afraid of the resentment those he defeated might bear for him for doing the same. A man who was defeated by him in the past gets involved, but he tells the sword master that he didn’t steal his ambition. Instead, it’s more like his ambition was passed onto someone who could carry it further.

It is empathized at the climax of act III, where kazuha reactivates his friend’s vision, thus successfully carrying his ambition to face and survive the musou no hitotachi.

A dream shared by people, that can be passed down between generations and even beyond death, is the purest form of human connection. One that is rooted in instinct and that makes humanity progress.

Human connection

According to makoto, ambitions are constantly generated by dreams. And we know visions are the physical manifestation of strong ambition.

In a way, visions are the physical manifestation of human connection.

Which is why I think that scaramouche getting a vision, something that will fulfill the role of the heart he so desperately wanted, is the proof of his connection to humanity. A bond that is eternal, and the proof that he belongs.

Some final thoughts

I think at the end of the day, scaramouche just yearns for connection, and the vision will define him as more human than divine.

Ei was aiming for material permanence when she created him in her quest for eternity, and this physical immortality became a curse for him.

Ei herself failed to see her own self as an individual, she only knew how to serve her nation as a weapon and when she retired into eternal meditation after makoto’s death, she gave up everything that made her an individual. She was scared of the dangers of human progress and made her own version of eternity, one where she could hold onto the progress inazuma had already accomplished so that the heavenly principles wouldn’t destroy it like it happened to khaenri’ah. At the end of her second character quest, she understands that there is meaning in death, that it should be honored, whether mortal or divine, for the sake of progress, for the sake of dreams, for the sake of a better future. She learns that this human connection that moves humanity forward is what should be protected.

Scaramouche, as a byproduct of this process, highlights the problems that come with Ei’s mistaken version of eternity, but also embodies the point of makoto’s ideas. Me thinks.

[monstriiss]

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[netscapenavigaytor]

me smiling serenely: i love house of leaves but i understand that its an incredibly difficult book to get into and is really, REALLY not for everyone, and johnny truant's... everything can make like half the book difficult to get through if you don't IMMEDIATELY click with his character

some complete stranger minding their business: house of leaves kinda sucks and johnny truant ruined the book. just skip his parts

me, crying screaming throwing up etc.: SHUT UP...... SHUT UP.............. LEAVE ME OLONE

[laikahh]

but there are lots of fish left in the sea, there are lots of fish in business suits that talk and walk on human feet & visit doctors & have weak knees ...Oh Please Let Me Join Your Cult..!!! Ill Paint My Face In Yr Colours!!!!!!! (u had a real nice face, i had an early death.)

[eissibee]

God I knew this would happen

Got made redundant just before Christmas, after months of being given nothing to do by the company, despite begging and training and trying to make myself useful. Now I'm useless. It was my grad role opportunity and in 2 years I still don't feel like I know enough to even get the same role elsewhere. I tried to spend idle time learning but it wasn't enough. THEN my prodigal brother returns from a top London job to get several offers and a higher paying job within weeks of returning to the country. My company wouldn't even let me tell people I was leaving.

So it's back to this. Him back to 'help' me by pointing out my every flaw but the added bonus of saying my opinions are naughty bc I might be autistic and therefore don't know what is "usual". Him back to a great job and great friends who he goes camping with for new years before moving out into a flat with them.

And I'm still living at home. Almost no friends. No job. No direction, no motivation. One cat dead before Christmas and the other waiting for an appointment to go because she's got a growth under her tongue, and it's NOT FAIR because we JUST lost Mouse and she is happy and healthy as ever but we still have to kill her at some point but have no idea when is right. And I've got no support from the Great Modern Human Focused company I was booted from, one job lead that might go cold bc it's a family friend connection and that's not ethically sound, and my CV is an embarrassing mess just like I am. I had this stupid idea to make it fun and I KNEW. this would all hit as soon as Christmas was over.

I knew the pit would be waiting so I thought I could jump over rather than in, but I'm too weak for that. I leapt right in, right to the damn bottom, because I AM useless and weak. I'm "weird" and struggle with basic tasks, I claim to be an artist but never make art. I have all the time and opportunity in the world to make something or upskill or add to a UX portfolio I don't have, and I'm just. Lying in bed, making the pillow damp and hoping my parents don't try to get me to eat dinner cos idk if I can. It is pathetic.

My brother and dad and coworkers are right about me. I know nothing, my opinions have no value, I lack awareness and probably have a shit fucked work ethic anyway after months of nothing to do.

I miss Mouse. I need her. I told her that when she was diagnosed but it didn't matter. I was sobbing so hard next to her and she just put a paw on my leg. I begged her not to go and by the end she was so anemic and cold and thin I had to make that call myself. My parents were needing comfort and I was alone. I'm dreading having to face it all over again with Missie. I think hell is just hearing your mother sob in another room.

I know no one who knows me irl will see this. It's probably for the best. I feel like a useless jobless skill less unlovable nobody who will probably never find happiness or someone to care for me after my parents are gone. I'll never make that stupid picture book, or have a career, or dreams. It's just this, and then fog. Nothing I can see. What's the point?

See ya, 2022.

[akihikosanada]

i implied in my akechi post that i was playing persona 5 BUT i never said that a month or so ago i started persona 4 which i play whenever the tv is being used . crazy girl era is real

anyways this was all to say that the overall gameplay features in p5 are excellent i really like the palaces especially however compared to 4 the characters leave soooooo much to be desired i think they are the weakest of the last 3 games, including protagonist, party members and social links/confidants

since this is my first gameplay of p4 im having a hard time tackling which social links to leave for a future new game plus playthrough as i have to spend time leveling up my social stats but it never felt like i had that problem in p5 and would instead spend time with the stats necessary for my preferred confidants (i mean not like i didn't make a huge effort leveling up my expression stat in 4 for the nanako and dojima links but you get my point). i cried in a bunch of the social links and i find them all genuinely interesting (besides the 2 previously mentioned which are the only i have completed so far are the yumi ozawa/drama club member and single mom links which i think are soooo good) while in 5 i did feel emotional in some but only in the last link i've been crying in a lot of the others since at least halfway through lol. also the majority of the confidants in 5 that aren't party members follow the pattern of making you change someone's heart in mementos which feels lazy and cheap because it's not like you can solve everyone's problems by changing some person's heart. it feels like you are just solving everyone's problems (in a way that gets tiring also) instead of helping them go through a hard moment/give them comfort. there are a lot of confidants that i only want to level up for certain levels because of the abilities they offer you instead of genuine interest. in 4 other than with your party members you cannot gain new abilities so what will end drawing you to them is mainly the characters (or the fusion bonuses)

as for the party members i can see the p4 gang all being friends which helps that banting aside they all show concern for one another + the fact they hang out for silly moments beyond celebrating finishing a mission/welcoming new members. this is besides the different dynamics inside the group and the protag'a different relationship with each of them. however i don't get that sense of friendship in 5? like i don't think these guys would be friends as a group after they stop being phantom thieves and i can only see joker being individual friends with ryuji, ann, futaba and mayyybe yusuke (they still cannot compare to the better dynamics in 3 and 4 though). also as a group dynamic i could only see it with the madarame gang the additions afterward don't feel as close by as a group? plus the convos they have barely make me think they even like each other that much. i think this problem in 5 affected ultimately my feelings on morgana leaving temporarily because it never really hit me where that could have come from even when they started to imply morgana felt useless around the group

as for the protags i know they are all overall meant to be self insert but p4 protag feels like the one who has the most personality. they allow him to be silly, kind and get the "short end of the stick" at times while still having this cool aura around him. joker feels too much like a self insert character meant to be smart and hot and cool etc so guys can pretend to be him. i think something that affected this is how you barely ever get joker's thoughts in the game as morgana kind of works as his consciousness

anyways this is it so far lol as you can see i have a lot of thoughts on the games. i don't think p5 is bad or that you can't love it but its strongest element imo is ultimately what interests me the least i'm all for character driven stories baby ❤ ryuji still *logan roy voice* my number one boy though

[expcharm]

sorry to be a loser this early but idk where to let it out at but oh my god I just want to give up already

[321sluggie]

mentions of weight loss in tags

[lunartrashbin]

Update on my illness

Them.

I made Genesis's coat but still need to make the pants and planning on some other stuff too. Concept below VVV

Bad lighting because my light is yellow and I have a habit of working/drawing at night

[queencloudy-art]

CW Blood

*Introduces all of my Stardew Valley OCs through hypothetical and completely non-canonical scenarios in which they committed crimes*

[howldive]

ever since that day anything and everything i do has just been accompanied by the thought of "oh im going to die" like. i take a walk ? oh im dying. i clean my room ? oh im dying. i watch people in my neighborhood ? oh im dying. and i can never tell the feeling it evokes from me. its a mix of sadness and grief with comfort and a sense of longing... grateful? i mean, not everyone gets the privilege to say good bye to their loved ones so im at least... thankful for that? i suppose

people will live longer than me and i always knew, but that doesnt mean i cant be sad about missing out on things like, i probably wont even see my little sister graduate, or my older sister getting married, or my brothers. i watch other people and i think like, wow. its amazing theyve lived this long and what luck.

but at this point i think its also amazing ive lived this long too. i never imagined i would even see myself in my 20's especially with how suicidal i was. so at this point, even if i am dying and I'll miss out on a lot, I've experienced way more than i had anticipated to... thats just something im trying to make peace with. its painfully lonely to be in this position though like... i can hardly talk about this in length with anyone because of it making them inexplicably sad which i know is unavoidable

[queerleaflet]

In which the Voidsent learns to cook (vaguely)

It was only yesterday that things were okay. And things had been okay for quite some time. Time spent became easier, faster, more fulfilling with the Miqote at her side. Teaching, talking, travelling, _seeing_ the world rather than simply being within it. Zero was beginning to…as the saying went, “warm up” to her new life on the source. To truly enjoy her time alongside her…comrade.

So why was it that today, unlike any other days, T’uues refused to speak to her?

Had they gotten into a disagreement? Had she found a flaw in her unworthy of their relationship? Could it be that she had overstayed her welcome? No…perhaps not. For there were other oddities and irregularities to the coerl’s behavior that brought concern to the voidsent.

She hadn’t left her bed.

The two stood wordlessly, staring at one another. Zero standing idly, awkwardly…and T’uues nearly fully buried under countless comforters.

She gave a sad smile and wave…before reaching to her bedside table for a journal.

“…What is wrong.” Zero spoke up. “You are normally out training now. It is…midday.”

A finger was raised to hush, before returning to the book to scribble. Eventually, T’uues handed it over to her. It read simply, in swirling, neat letters.

‘Hello! Apologies. I lost my voice.’

“Lost your voice…well, where is it? Where did you last leave it, I can fetch it for you—“ the tiniest of chuckles was heard, hoarse and hurt before the Miqote stopped herself to scribble more.

‘no. Hurts too much to speak.’

“Who h—“ another finger, a small sigh.

‘I’m sick. Must have caught a cold at Radz-At-Han.’

Sick? That felt familiar, but nothing familiar enough for Zero to know how to _fix it._ A problem, surely, and a bigger one if it were to get worse.

“..How do you end this sick.” Crossing her arms, Zero’s mind began to chew upon this problem. “If it’s aether you need, I can fetch some.” T’uues shook her head.

‘Time. And tea.’

——

The neighbors explained to her quite kindly, albeit amusedly, what tea was. A hot beverage of leaves steeped in water, with added honey or cream for sweetness. Cream was an ingredient made from milk, and honey…Zero inexplicably remembered, from a time long past.

And so the voidsent procured this ‘tea’, taking care to pick the healthiest of leaves and the hottest of waters.

—

‘What is this’

“Tea.”

T’uues gave another glance at the cup. Steam wafted profusely from its source, fogging up the view of the strange, steeping leaves floating aimlessly within. Leaves she felt were familiar, but at the time couldn’t place her finger on where she had seen them. Oh well. Down the hatch.

The hot water both burned her tongue and soothed her throat. The leaves lent a strong bitterness, something she had trained herself to enjoy alongside sweets….but perhaps it was the lack of sweets that made it even more bitter than she could recall.

“Mm…” she closed her eyes. This was…definitely tea, technically. Perhaps her next lesson.

“Is it adequate. Is your sick gone.”

She shook her head.

“That…will take some more time.” T’uues whispered hoarsely. At least her throat felt a bit better for now. “I…should show you how to make tea proper. This is close…but not quite.”

Rising from her covers, Zero could see the soft pajamas her friend had donned. Completely unlike any of her armor, or even day wear. It felt….strange to see her in such a vulnerable state. But there was no look of fear in her comrade’s eyes. To have a moment of pure peace…something so foreign to Zero, even in her days without the darkness. Something tugged at her chest, a longing of sorts for more of this sensation of peace.

—

“First, you heat up water in a kettle such as this.” T’uues demonstrated softly, bringing the neck of the kettle to the sink to fill it. Zero watched closely, listening to the sound it made, rising in pitch as it filled. The cat’s moves were sluggish, but deliberate as she brought the now full kettle to the stovetop and activated the magitek to heat it.

“While we wait on it to boil, we prepare the tea in its vessel. Let’s use a simple black tea for this cup.” Moving shakily, T’uues produced a small tin from the cabinet, and two ceramic cups. From the tin she carefully scooped dried leaves into mesh filters, setting each to rest on either cup.

“That…does not look like the leaves used in the tea I made.” Zero noted. A strand of hair was tugged in absence of her hat. “I see my error.”

“Hm?” Turning from her concentration, T’uues expected to see the usually curious voidsent behind her. Rather, what stood in its place was a look of disappointment and…shame?

“I have failed to create adequate sustenance such as tea to heal your illness.” She stared at the cups, a storm behind her eyes. “For that I offer apologies. I can go and call for the dragoon to come and aid you—“

“Huh? Why would you do that?”

“Because I am inadequate.”

“…Zero, you don’t really think that, do you?”

Suddenly closer, dainty fingers reaching to cup the voidsent’s cheek. How could such scarred hands be so soft..?

Eye contact, something Zero struggled with, but T’uues thrived. Striking slit pupils amidst peridot and emerald, soothing and seeking to sort out.

“You’ve shown initiative, not only to learn, but to aid me in my vulnerable state. There’s nothing ‘inadequate’ about that. In fact…I find it rather noble, and incredibly sweet.”

“…”

Zero turned away, allowing the cat to remember the honey and cream required for their brew. And just in time, too, as the kettle began to express what Zero’s cheeks were unable to. The cold of voidsent flesh could never fluster, but she swore in that moment a fever rose to share between them.

In mere moments the two beheld two pristine glasses of steaming tea. The aroma of bittersweet leaves filled them both and filled the cat’s nose with much needed relief. She hesitated not to take a sip, tail flicking to and fro at the delicious-albeit muted-flavor.

“Go on, try it!” Voice a little less hoarse than before, the honey doing its magic, Tuues waited impatiently for her friend to join in. And that she did…with much hesitation, caution, and curiosity. As was her wont to do in this world…and was T’uues’s wont to begin to admire. To view the world with new eyes…just like she was. To know but had not seen, to see but had not known. It was a funny play on fate to bring these two strangers together. But all the worth it, to see the voidsent’s eyes light up at the new sensation.

“It’s…warm.” She spoke softly, setting the cup down. “It smells so…”

“Good, yea?” T’uues beamed. “The neat thing is, you can find this anywhere in the star. Each tribe’s got a different spin on it. It was key for survival, yknow, boiling off the bad aether. But now it’s so beloved…we can’t get enough of it!”

“A necessity memorialized…?”

“Perhaps. Say…where _did_ you find those leaves in the tea you made?”

“Oh, the trees in your garden.” An easy question, an easy answer. “The ones with the purple flowers.”

“The….” Oh, dear. So the growing stomachache was not the cold. “…the wisteria leaves?”

“Yes. Was that alright?”

“….you may actually want…to call for Alphinaud…or G’raha.” Taking another sip, she gave a small sigh. “Those are poisonous.”

[autonomousxselves]

//Did I ever mention how much I love Aigis (2 pics under read more to save space)

[erigold13261]

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