#i dont know ! im gonna go play video games to try to not think abt this <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[bunnihearted]

𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅

[nomairuins]

its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF

[desire-mona]

dead poets society chars but i assign them random things ive seen happen on the internet / random videos or posts i remember (not based on anything it is genuinely at random):

neil - tony crynight's fnaf animation series which i dont entirely remember the plot of but i'll try to describe. so basically its fake mangle lore to say that mangle is the way they are (all broken and shit) because Mangle kissed Foxy and Chica got jealous so she took a Machete to Mangle to Mangled them. and then the gang tries to save mangle or whatever

todd - fluffle puff, someones pink fluffy mlp oc who was in lesbians with chrysalis (i think thats her name, i never watched mlp). mosy notably known for the animation to pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows. also the creator is a pedophile i think

charlie - sorrow tv and his entire existence. sorrow tv was a youtuber who made videos reading out reddit videos in silly voices. there was a whole posse of youtubers who did this, and he was the most popular just bc his voice acting was rly good. i still watch him every couple months even tho he hasnt posted since 2021.

cameron - does bruno mars is gay? i think about cameron man door hand hook car door every day, so i obviously need to point to my third favourite silly trying to be serious sentence. most ppl know this from game grumps but im not linking a game grumps video on here. rumour come out!

knox - venturiantale, the youtube channel usually consisting of 4? siblings playing gmod together usually. the channel itself was ran by this guy named jordan i think? and his siblings has their own channels. i knew them best for their fnaf gmod videos and their fanmail videos. turns out they were all very christian? and the whole family was abusive and way deep into said christianity if i remember correctly, one of the siblings who left first made a video on it. the venturiantale channel hasnt posted in like 2 yrs and the slow death was kinda sad to see bc he (jordan) blamed it all on The Algorithm.

meeks - that one nagito komaeda kinnie back in Whenever it was cutting off their finger to. i guess prove that they were a nagito kinnie frfr? if u dont know danganronpa lore then nagito gets his hand cut off and replaced with junko enoshima's hand because sheeeee got... executed? i wont lie i dont remember this part of the games story sorry. but essentially that one person was like I Gotta Do That........ anyway im jk the audio was faked and nothing actually happened + the person is fine LAWL

pitts - the key of awesome's parody of tiktok by kesha called glitter puke. theres no lore to this the key of awesome is / was ? a silly little song parody channel. this video was made in 2010 and it kinda shows in some moments but other than that it holds up. just checked and the key of awesome is Not still going, it ended 6 years ago and the last video was actually rly good and genuine

keating - onma island is buried a treasure chest. ok so basically mr beast made a video talking abt a private island and he buried. a treasure chest for a viewer to find. during the video he said "on my island is buried a treasure chest" but it sounded like "onma" which this one youtuber (pinely) found rly funny. it became an inside joke with his friends (one of whom got a tattoo) which then became a lowkey meme. mr beast even tweeted it so. good lord thats a lot of links sorry there isnt a know your meme page or anything

chris - i dont have any links for this one sorry, im just gonna tell the story and u have to believe me when i say i swear it happened (its very a believable fandom story im sure you will). so back when the genshin impact was still in its fairly early days (late 2020-early 2021) the phrase "hear me out" to refer to characters n stuff started becoming popular I THINK at the same time. so people in the genshin fandom were like hear me out with increasingly more heinous shit. started with characters, then npcs, then enemies, then bosses, then weapons, the stamina bar at one point, etc. a lot of these were jokes or straight up bait but back then (maybe now too - i havent been part of the genshin fandom for a LONG time) people took bait far more often than they didnt. so it became a "genshin fandom bad" gotcha to point out That One stamina bar post.

ginny - $300 junko enoshima wig! sorry for double dipping with danganronpa it was just the first fandom i actually started like. on purpose noting fandom happenings with + a lot of shit happens in that fandom. this one cosplayer who at the time was called snowthesaltqueen / badguyincorporated started selling pre-made (and styled) junko enoshima cosplay wigs for $300. which WOULD be fair (i think? idk how cosplay commissions work) if said wig was styled well or quality at all, but what was ACTUALLY provided was a rly basic wig base and few clips with no note or no nothing, and rly flat. like on purpose. like that was "the styling". also you may recognise this cosplayer for 1) getting in trouble when they did a cosplay photoshoot (danganronpa cosplay funnily enough) in a graveyard, posing ON a gravestone. 2) KILLING SOMEONE. they were screwing around with a firearm and fake pointing it at someone and then they accidentally shot them.

i could do this forever like actually. i have SO many internet stories in my brain its actually bad.

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

i guess i need some. advice? encouragement? about some stuff thats been happening recently so suicide/violence cw under the cut

i won't go into detail but i had. a very huge emotional/physical/mental breakdown today. where i was just. basically screaming and howling about how suicidal ive been lately. I haven't said anything out loud/via text on the internet abt it because i know saying i want to kms so often is bad for my own well being and ultimately makes other uncomfortable as well

so yeah i've just been. holding all that in. i knew the thoughts were coming in and out the past few months but was just shrugging it off as just being stressed abt the nightmare year i had. but i really was just. lying to myself and others because i didnt want to worry anyone/didn't want to admit how horrible i was doing after a couple years of good progress. but as it stands things are heading into a really bad direction for me rn. its not normal to go to sleep suicidal and immediately be suicidal upon waking up.

I don't really know what i can really do harm reduction wise. i'm unable to have regular visits with a psychiatrist/therapist bc of availability issues + i tend to just. lie. because its easier to say im fine than it is to advocate for myself and get actual help. and even then medication will not save me and coping skills can only go so far if im so deep in it im unable to take care of myself/feed myself/clean myself/eat/etc so none of it is effective enough in the moment. i know it CAN be effective and some of the skills ive learned can help during situational issues but this is really deep rooted improperly treated mental illness and i need a stronger foundation to be able to use any of the skills

i use a means of self isolation to punish myself, because i'm so upset with myself for not being able to pick myself up on my own. people can say im not a burden over and over but theres always gonna be a catch in the end. i freak out because what if this is one of my last meltdowns before they decide enoughs enough and i just get abandoned. again.

I feel like maybe being so Online is making things worse?? but i don't know??? my concentration is completely gone even when trying to use dnd/closing discord completely and im just constantly refreshing social media every 10 seconds and just stew in the bad feelings.

I don't know if just. leaving the internet cold turkey for a bit would do more harm than good.....i dont want to be alone and caught up in my thoughts. but i have a hard time doing things in 'moderation' and don't know how to even begin to roll back my internet/screen time usage

fandom is fun and great. but i dont think i should be using video games as pure escapism or playing them 24/7. im already getting bored and unenthusiastic about the things i like because its ALL i do.... I want to have at least SOME time away from screens. i hate having the impulse the check social media or refresh even 30 seconds (im even doing it NOW) but i just dont know where to begin in cultivating non-screentime hobbies and have the ability to focus on things more long term without having than doing 1000 things all at once to keep myself busy. i play video games muted most of the time, have a yt video playing, sometimes i'll stop mid video game and pull out my ipad while still having the games open, and im always on discord

there's books i still want to read, i eventually want to pick up sewing again. im considering getting a craft set for making those beaded bracelets (my brother gets them from concerts all the time and thinks it would be fun to make them too) but that all requires money

and i just. idk where im going with this rn but. any advice or suggestions or just. words of encouragement would be. really nice rn

[imlivinginyourtrashcan]

Hi hello im a dirty American heres some friendsgiving headcannons for the sp character

Cartman:

That man aint bringing shit

Only there for the food

The type of mf to steal ingrediants while youre cooking something

Dives RIGHT for the pumpkin pie

Nobody is happy

He denies it but its do obvious hes stealing shit 🤬

Does not wait for a toast

Bro just dives in

Getting seconds, thirds, fourths

When hes done theres no left overs

If he were to bring something id be pie

His moms recipe

BUT THIS LITTLE FUCK EATS IT IN THE CAR

Kyle:

Sometimes hosts the friendsgiving at his house

Brings the sparkling grape juice/apple juice

And also the Kosher things

Only has one helping, tries to get leftovers for the family or for kenny

Helps his mom cook when hes hosting

Setting the table always

Tries to toast but ends up yelling at Cartman for eating before hes done

Helps Ike pack for those little kindergarten thanksgivings?

Yknow when you dressed as a pilgrim and ate food?

Was I the only one who did that??

Stan:

He panicks and brings what he can find

"Hey dude! What you bring?"

"Uhhh... leftover mash potatos?"

Hes TRYING

Downing the sparkling juices like no tomorrow

The eggnog too

Cartman encourages it

"CHUG CHUG CHUG"

Watching the football game

RESTRAINS himself when it comes to food

Like, he wants it but knows Kyles gonna be pissed

Plays catch with everyone else

Or pingpong

Doesnt give a fuck about the Macys parade

Kenny:

Brings canned stuff he got from the food drive

Like cranberry sauce

Sneaking leftovers for his family

Plays catch with the boys

Died from a football lodged in his eye

Oh and from the

"Macys parade"

Incident

You dont want to know

Butters:

Brings the sweet potatos

Suggest christmas music/movies be played

Cartman called him gay immediately

So that got shut down

Brings the extra pies and everything since Cartman eats his

Lover of cranberry sauce and other things most people hate on thanksgiving

"Oh that was good! Could I have more please?"

"Butters what the fuck who likes CRANBERRY SAUCE???"

"I do!"

Doer of the toast

Often gets hit in the face when they play catch and cries

Can't stay for long cuz his parents are strict but hes there on video call rest of the time

Craig:

The type of mf when you ask what he brought he says

"My presence"

MF-

No!!!

You need to bring FOOD

They have to kick him out

He comes back with bread rolls or crackers, cheese and olives

So hes aloud back in

Doesnt care abt the parades or catch or anything

Just kinda there for Tweek

If someone asks him to do sonething he'll do it though

Hes limited by meals thanks to his braces

He doesnt care

Thats future craigs problem

Flips someone off if they beat him in a sport

Or flips off the tv when someone does something stupid in football

Has restraint when it comes to food

Bro will just wait

Wait

Wait

Wait

And then devour his plate in seconds

Tweek:

Brings homemade cider or pumpkin spice

Panicked the whole time

Hiding upstairs half the time

At least until food

He looks like a sopping wet cat

Doesnt really eat that much

Convinced the food is poison

Dont try to reassure him either he doesnt trust you

Has to check a million times though

"Is this poison???"

"No???"

"GAHH!! I dont believe you!!"

Leaves after feasting

He can only handle so much

Arrives super late too which is ironic

Jimmy:

Brings the food over and makes a puns

Like puts devil horns on eggs

"Jimmy what is that?"

"D-d-d-deviled Eggs"

Bro is telling thanksgiving jokes every second

Does the toast some years

Its like a stand up comedy routine tho

He lets you eat during that

Sneaking food

Mischievous little bastard

Puts on family fued when he realizes the boys are too pissed at football

Also has brace limits

But does he follow them ever? Nope

Drinks sparkling juice from a wine glass

Able to keep the party going for a WHILE he has ENERGY

Card playing KING

Winning at Crazy 8s left and RRRRIGHTTTTTT

Clyde:

Brought mac and cheese

Either that or bread

Food sneaker

Thinks hes good at sports

Hes not

He gets hit in the face so often

And cries

Tried Tweeks coffee

Started coughing and gagging immediately

Hes a picky eater im calling it now

Like will not eat if he doesnt think he'll like it

Me too Clyde i get it

Likes the Macys parade

Fucking weirdass

Arrives a bit before Tweek but is still late

The mf to get seconds

Wont eat before the event either

Saving his stomach for yum yums

Tolkien:

Also hosts

Helps his parents with food

Makes the dinner table look like a whole buffet

When hes not hosting he brings stuffing or some expensive good food

Or like

Homemade dip?

Casserole?

Idk

Seems like itd change every year

Great at sports

Helps clean up too

Toasts sometimes

Very generic toast

Doesnt seem like someone who has much to say

[f1nalboys]

Stupid Headcanons About Jake “Hangman” Seresin

(u can accept these or not all i know is they’re true bc he’s in bed w me rn and he told me)

slight nsfw warning for random stuff throughout but nothing explicit <3

- he loves silly cringey cliche nicknames :3 sugar plum, honey bee, sweetiepie, poptart

- in regards to that last nickname it’s bc i fully and wholeheartedly believe

- and know

- that when he is subby (THIS MAN IS A SWITCH YALL) he likes to be called kitty :3 no i’m not projecting what the fuck

- anyways

- he gets called poptart bc he refuses to let the word kitty be uttered in public around him so poptart it is bc of nyan cat :3

- i’ve put some thought into it why do u ask?

- he loves dolly parton

- and old school miranda lambert, like “gunpowder and lead” to “mamas broken heart” era miranda

- he’s actually a bit of a country fan but it’s not pop country does that make sense everyone

- he loves those sea salt and vinegar chips but only the kettle cooked ones

- WINE LOVER

- only likes sweet red wine tho :3

- he turns into a slut when he’s wine drunk btw

- he will get home, unwind, do a silly face mask and put on a robe, and then turn on the most annoying loser youtuber you have ever seen

- HES A YOUTUBE GUY IDC 9 times out of 10 he’s gonna choose to load up a little minecraft youtuber and just get high or drunk and watch it

- i want to smoke with him. that is all

- he’s a giggly high/drunk, he just constantly laughs and is lovey dovey and :,)

- he’s a dog person

- he loves cats but he like a high energy dogs, he’ll take his dog to a park and literally wear himself out too so by the time you drive home both he and the dog are passed out LMFAO

- he refuses to play un-relaxing video games

- if it’s gonna stress him out he’d rather die than play it

- stardew, animal crossing, that new disney game i cant remember the name of! he also like organization games like that unpacking one, he will settle down and play for hours

- HE IS BISEXUAL.

- DONT FUCKING TALK TO ME OK?

- night showerer

- he’s the type of guy to have ur post notifications on but never like or comment and when you ask him abt it he’s like “oh i just like to see when u post :3” like ok?? support me???

- jealous easily but never toxic, does that make sense??

- you’ll be talking to someone and he materializes and goes “SO IM THEIR BOYFRIEND MY NAMES JAKE IM REALLY BADASS AND SCARY.” like relax king the cashier is not trying to fuck me

- he’s a switch :3 i already mentioned that but it’s true

- he gets bed head like crazy

- he does random little vocal noises sometimes that are similar to a cat going “mwerp?’ if you know what i’m talking about you’ll agree

- doesn’t even mean to do it it just happens

- the most romantic and sentimental mf in the universe

- expect anniversaries and birthdays and holidays to be The Biggest Deal to him especially as an official couple

- the handsomest baby girl ever :3

- anyways that’s all i can think of rn so. enjoy.

[dykeyote]

what do you think jedidiah and yvonne’s friendship would have been like during college, particularly when sydney was comatose?

!!!!!! okay so this one im gonna do less evidence baded more interpretation bc like i think this is something that will be explored more Later so like obviously idk for sure . but from what i understand of how they talk about it it seems like yvonne and jedidiah first came to be friends probably through a good deal of effort on yvonnes part since jeddie obviously was scared of them in the beginning i doubt he was the one initiating the friendship . and i think it seems like they spent a lot of time together since yvonne references trying to bring jedidiah to parties a lot, and i also think it was usually just the two of them since joshua asks if he knows this story (implying theres at least Some yvonne and jeddie stories he doesnt know), yvonne doesnt seem at all as close to sydney as they do to jedidiah, and they dont really seem to have other mutual friends thatr referenced . i think they used to just hang out and play video games and joke around a lot - they strike me as the kind of friends who spend tons of time together and consider each other best friends but dont really emotionally open up to each other that often, just bc both of them seem to struggle with talking about their feelings at times (except w joshua on yvonnes end) and yvonne doesnt seem to know abt how jeddies relationship to sydney reallt works. but i do think jedidiah opens up to yvonne more than most ppl!! theres a bit of evidence for this (yvonne refers to jeddie as not having been Openly stressed out in ages which implies hes been stressed out before in private) and i also just think it makes sense given how willing jeddie is to open up to yvonne. and even if they dont open up as much they still get along well and enjoy each others company!! i think yvonne also helped jedidiah open up somewhat - definitely not Fully obviously but i think they were a large part of jedidiah growing less sheltered, trying new things and generally becoming less of the EXTREMELY sheltered college jeddie thats scared of dyed hair. i think yvonne was a good influence on him, yk? pushed him out of his comfort zone in a way that sydney isnt always able to do necessarily due to the weirdness of their dynamic, sydneys pushes of jeddie to get out of his comfort zone tend to go too far and make jeddie uncomfortable whereas yvonnes seem to do more to be helpful - say what u will abt the skyrim dance scene but he definitely did loosen up and have fun lol

when sydney was comatose is trickier so thisll be more fuzzy since that whole timeline confuses me but based off of what yvonnes said about jedidiahs last year of college . my basic interpretation of yvonne and jedidiahs friendship at that time is that i think jedidiah began to start falling apart at the seams a little bit and began pushing people away and avoiding people and yvonne just sort of backed off a little because they werent totally sure what to do or say . yvonne references wanting to do a better job of helping jedidiah sooner than they did back then and yvonne seems to struggle with communicating with people sometimes - i think they didnt know what to say to jedidiah or how to help, and eventually things got so bad that there was nothing To do to help at all bc things just wouldnt get through to him even if you tried your best to help . i think yvonne and jedidiah largely get along due to their difficulty with emotional expression but i also think that became a major Flaw in their relationship as things went bad becaus i think jeddie couldnt ask for help an dyvonne couldnt bridge the gap

[batsinurbelfrey]

15 QUESTIONS, 15 TAGS

tagged by LA's #1 Boyfriend [gn] @18minutemajor

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYBODY? Not my first name, but my middle name is my grandmother's first.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Last night LOL, I got a Very Kind letter in the mail from someone I love very deeply, and I had just had a long and stressful day.

3. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? I always go "no, im not a person that counts pets as kids so i dont" but you know what. With Dai working her way through her FIFTH medical emergency of the year right now, im gonna say Yes. One. costs abt the damn same at this point at least lol

4. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? I DO. but it really depends on the situation, I have a deep fear of hurting someone's feelings who doesn't maybe Know me well enough yet and misreads me etc etc. Basically, the more I come to trust you, the more of a bitch I am. /jjjjjj

5. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED? As a kid I played Basketball, Baseball, Soccer [Defence and Goalie depending on the years] , and lacrosse. Soccer was my favorite I loved both positions and liked the coaches too, lacrosse I quit after a month because I was told the girl's team wasn't allowed to play full contact but the boys was and 12yr old me went full fucking protest mode. [which admittedly pissed the city off a bit because I was there on fully paid funding through a like "get poor kids off the streets" initiative fkladjslkgadsgl but-] My dad also tried to spend a summer teaching my brother and I to play tennis at the local rec center so he'd have someone to play with but I hated that too LOL

6. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT SOMEONE? Visually its usually just, whatever's the brightest color [be that like, hair, clothes, tattoos etc] but physically im def always watching for like, "what is their level of physical comfort right now" so i can overthink it and navigate the conversation with that in mind trying to hit all the right dialogue choices for their mood like a crazy person [*Points* GAD/ADHD] /lh

7. EYE COLOUR? Gray [but blue or green in certain lights, due to like color temperature and refraction n' stuff]

8. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings, but ONLY if theres like. a little loss or sacrifice to get there and give it value. "feel good" movies almost always just Annoy me, they feel Empty and Dull. [but its totally fine if they are your jam. we dont yuck yums here]

9. ANY SPECIAL TALENTS? UHHH--- "i dont think so" sounds BAD lol. but maybe like "good at reading people" not in a bad manipulative way. but just in the sense of like. i tend to be the friend ppl come to when upset and confused and i watch and listen and then go "this is why you feel that way" and they are like "OH--- yeah... damn thanks that helps" etc lol

10. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Washington DC! fun fact the hospital was since bulldozed for condos and a trader joes 💀

11. WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES? drawing, live music, vinyl collecting, embroidery, video games, flower pressing, reading [when i can].

12. DO YOU HAVE PETS? YES < 3

13. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5' 9 or 5'10 seemingly, depending on which doctor you ask for some reason LOL, probably has to do with my godawful posture

14. FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? ART CLASS FOR SURE, that was always the only place I liked being. if you held a gun to me and said "no electives" tho, id say English. [what can I say, im Queer]

15. DREAM JOB? I DO NOT FUCKING DREAM OF LABOR!!!! I just want to live in a nice little house doing my nice little hobbies and seeing all my friends and magically have money for all that. that said, I am basically currently doing a younger me's "dream job" though so, can't complain too hard.

my lunch break is ending and i gotta dash SOOO im just gonna say i tag anyone who sees this and would like to do it! this is your open invitation < 3

[sparkerinparadise]

okay im putting this under the cut so yall can choose whether or not u wanna read what happened (i dont think theres anything triggering but its still Shitty so).

> arrived at my dad's house to pick up documentation i need for work

> decide to stay to get a drink of water and say hi to dad + the puppy and cats

> ".......so this is how you wanna spend the rest of your life huh"

> OH BOY HERE WE GO

> says that it's not going to be permanent "yeah well i know you you're just gonna get complacent"

> im just happy to have a job and make money again "you dont HAVE it yet ur still not working"

> "just remember that just bc ur not in college anymore ur patterns arent Going Away. they're still gonna be there and u need to learn to break out of them" (ok fair enough)

> "oh btw ur not exercising are you."

> what makes you say that "i can see ur getting chunky" (i didnt even gain that much weight?????? also idc thats a w im tired of being a literal twig)

> "im honestly concerned that you've compromised ur morals this much" (i expressed very clear disdain for corporate jobs to him in the past but like. oh my god he's acting like i commited a robbery or smth. also u told me to stop being picky when it came to jobs so when i actually LISTEN TO YOU LIKE YOU CONSTANTLY TELL ME THAT YOU WANT ME TO you decide to complain abt it????? lol)

> starts to shut down at this point bc its turned into yet another one of Those conversations and theres no point in me speaking anymore

> "ur gonna look back on this when ur 30 and go oh man my 20s are gone now" (damn i didnt know life ended at 30 lol)

> "ur probably listening to ur friends a lot more than me which im sure is common at ur age but just remember that they dont know SHIT compared to me" (beginning to realize why some ppl hate him so much)

> "(said in a VERY passive-aggressive tone) but hey if u just wanna play video games and work at walmart for the rest of your life im happy for you. whatever makes you happy"

> "just know that ur not gonna make a whole lot of money and ur gonna be BROKE" (my starting wage is $17/hr??????)

> "it makes me sad that you went from a 4.0 student (not even true when i graduated lol) with a full-ride scholarship to living in a shitty neighborhood working at walmart 4 years later" (FUCKING OUCH DUDE WTH DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER THAT I WAS ON/OFF SUICIDAL FOR THE LAST 4 YEARS OR SMTH???)

> "(pause) .......so what do you even wanna DO for the rest of your life??"

> long LONG awkward silence where i've basically ejected myself from Existing and trying VERY hard to not cry

> "......so ur just gonna dissociate again or are u ignoring me. are u trying to wait me out. its ok i have ALLLLL day :)" (i dont but imagine trying to explain to ur already disappointed dad that u wanna catch a friend's livestream)

> more silence

> sees that theres an opportunity to leave and GLADLY takes it

tldr just another regular conversation with dad ^_^ yippeeeeeeeeee

im REALLY trying to not let what my dad said to me yesterday get to me but like.

[heartachebf]

having an eensy weensy teeny tiny little sexuality crisis that i keep shoving to the back of my head bc i dont wanna think about it for more than a few seconds at a time ^-^

[the7thcrow]

ok coming into ur ask box this time so we dont have to be confined to the comment limit LOL and dont apologise for rambling i Wanted to pick your brain abt this!! sdhfgjksdfk i see… misbelief about the world driving the plot forward rather than their own motivation, that actually Is a very common plot device in y/n fic now that i think abt it. whenever i try to make my mcs Intentionally vague, it's usually their appearance, or anything regarding their gender. like now that i think abt it i dont think ive ever even tried writing an mc that is vague as a character itself? bc to me, a vague character, a "blank slate", is still a character, just one that lacks any life to it. like, among the writers i like interacting with on here and typically enjoy reading most, the general consensus seems to be that most dont actually read y/n as themselves and see them as more of a vague oc anyway, even as a reader, as they don't actually have any interest in inserting Themselves into a story in the very self-inserty, projecting way y/n fic is known for, and thats why they prefer a really fleshed-out mc.

personally, as a reader i seem to be the niche in between where i Do like projecting myself into the story as a character, but i Don't like blank slate mcs - because theres nothing to project On. i project onto self-insert characters the same way i project onto fully-fleshed characters in regular media, or hell, the same way i sometimes project onto an idol's image themselves. a reader insert being in second person just kinda helps enable the projection, and of course im gonna feel More seen by projecting onto characters that are More similar to me whether that be in gender/pronouns/appearance/personality/etc, but like... i dont go into it expecting to see the Entirety of Myself, written by someone else. i go into expecting to see someone else, in their wholeness as a character, and have them written compellingly enough that i can slot myself over them because even if i wouldnt do things the same way they would, i can still understand them and get in their head enough to "be" them for a while, in a way? like, even if i dont Personally relate to them, if theyre written well enough i can relate to how theyre feeling. kind of. i dont know if this makes any sense. i guess i just like feeling like a part of the story as a reader rather than Watching a story happen, kind of like playing a story-based video game with a preset ending - i get to play out the story as if im a part of it, and im gonna enjoy it even more if the character im playing as is similar to me, but even if theyre not, it still feels like im them for the duration of that story. and playing as a character that has no lines or backstory just isnt Nearly as compelling as playing as a character with a motive. yk? like with video games a blank protag is more forgiving bc you can create your own, but thats what fic is for. thats intentional. but you dont write fic of fic to fill in the blanks like that, so those blanks needa be filled already, imo.

as a writer i like the focus to be on the relationship dynamic the reader has with any of the given love interests, and i don't know how to create a relationship dynamic between two characters when only one character has a defined personality. bc the first question i ask myself is "what are these two characters like together? how do they play off each other/whats their interactions like?" so at this point im like ok x is a snark and y is a sunshine so x teases a lot and y just eats that shit up and gives contrastingly wholesome responses. or something like that. just for a vague idea of what they look like interacting. n then when i start working on the actual Plot, the question is "what made them fall in love with each other?" and This is what i base the entirety of the plot around. i pinpoint the specific traits that theyd like in one another, then i craft the perfect situations for them to experience those traits and fall in love with them. to do that, i need traits for the love interest to fall in love with, and i need a criteria for what the mc will be looking for in the love interest, and such a criteria comes from personality. theyre such closely intertwined concepts to me that i cant separate one from the other, hence why my mc's are all closer to faceless, nameless oc's than a blank slate. the only thing making me hesitate from following melty's lead and straying directly into named oc 2nd person fiction is the fact that i as a reader do like inserting my own name as y/n lmfao on my pc i even have a browser extension that does it for me. but i can use that same extension to change an oc's name in someone elses story so its not a big deal to me as a reader, but i just wonder if there are readers similar to me but that would be thrown off by having a different name instead.

this is really long and rambly unprompted so i apologise SKDFJGSKDFK but ive been itching to get my thoughts out on the matter with all this talk abt how we approach writing mcs. i didn't realise how many longfic writers put so much effort into writing a character so intentionally vague for the purpose of making someone that "could be anybody." but then again, considering im personally alienated from 95% of the fic i read just as a non-woman polyamorous person (among so many other factors), i guess other readers are a lot more used to actually being able to see a perfect carbon copy of themselves in self inserts without having to squint too hard at the lines. huh. wonder what thats like. SKDFGJSDFKGKDF

adding the break as to not horribly flood the dash

i really like what you said about feeling like a part of the story rather than watching it. i’ve been extremely negative all night about this, but at the end of day, i obviously enjoy 2nd person pov. i would hope so, after the shit-ton i’ve read and written, and continue to read and write about it. there is something nice about stepping into the story and experiencing something in such a different way. i enjoy it as a reader, it’s a different kind of experience. it’s really neat.

to be clear, i don’t think i write a total blank-slate. like, to give myself a bit of credit i think all my mc’s have a personality for sure. relationship dynamics with people surrounding them, definitely. they’re usually headstrong and maybe a bit cocky, bc that’s what i like to read and frankly, am generally like LMAO. i by no means take out lines or subject matter bc it could be too much unlike someone reading it. but idk, i feel less inclined to spend as much time as i should creating a completely fleshed out character when i don’t even have an image for them in my head, and majority of readers are going to imagine that it’s themselves anyway (which frankly, as they should, it’s literally called reader-insert). it’s definitely not an everyone problem. like from what you said it definitely seems like reader-insert has helped you develop characters and dive into them, but i just don’t think it works the same way for me.

i’ve been thinking a lot about character building lately. fanfiction itself is one of the most helpful tools and greatest liabilities for character building. on the one-hand, you learn to bring an idea to life. you learn how to really embody a character or person, especially in rpf where you sorta can do whatever you want with no canon, but everyone has a sort of idea or interpretation anyway. but it also relies on the fact that your audience already loves the characters you are using, instead of you having to start from scratch to make them love them.

maybe that’s why my original oc’s feel flat in my personal writings. when people read “y/n” obviously they already care about them bc well, to a lot of people it is them. which is the literal point of reader insert, so i think it would be extremely stupid to discourage that. but for me it feels a bit limiting.

speaking of which, there’s this idea of “y/n” and god… GOD do i hate it.😭not reading wise, bc i understand the appeal and literally throw my name in there and have since i was a pre-teen, but writing wise. i stopped using y/n in my fics as a name holder bc i didn’t like it in there anymore and i couldn’t place why for a while, but i think it’s bc when people call my mc “y/n” it’s just like… in the end that’s all she is. i can put as much planning and shit into this character but she’s not really a character, she feels like a placeholder. at least when we refer to her as mc it’s like, she’s her own thing. she is the main character™️ but when people are like, i love your “y/n”! it’s like she’s compared on this scale of reader-inserts compared to an actual breathing complicated protagonist. it’s hard to explain and i think i’m doing a horrible job, but that’s how i feel about it.

you’re also someone who like, does not do this whatsoever, and comments and discusses the mc as an actual character which i really appreciate. bc you do also write, and i think you share perspective on that even if also inserting yourself into the story. i sorta do both too. you get it. i think this is in a lot of ways a me issue more than a collective issue, which is why it probably sounds a bit messy and maybe just incorrect lmao. but idk, the bottom line of what i’m feeling is if i really want to work on protagonist building and that’s my number one priority that i need to improve upon, why would i do it a genre where a lot of readers (and thus those giving the feedback that i try and use to improve upon) are going to often judge the mc solely on the level of relatability, imagine that it is them and thus view it as such rather than an actual character, i can’t (and shouldn’t) flesh out mannerisms / appearance, and overall just causes an extra level of struggle compared to a third person character that i can fully embody with none of these limits.

especially if i’m starting to realize how much i really like writing in third, it just seems like that is what’s probably the right path for me as a writer. i’m still going to write natgig because i love it and it allows me to do a mixture of all these things, i’m still going to write reader-insert. but if i’m working on individual character building and embodiment revolving around the protagonist, i think a necessary step for me is to redirect a lot of my energy into writing some third-person non reader-insert pov.

[sscoutregimentss]

I was gonna make a request based on your Eren x Gamer Reader post but then I saw you take poly requests... Erejean x Gamer Reader? (She/her pronouns btw ^_^)

sure thing anon! your brain is huge. i started a one shot which is now sitting in my drafts bc i literally dont know how to finish it. maybe i'll post it later but for now here you go headcanons woohoo

eren and jeans dynamic makes it look like its impossible for them to share a girlfriend but it actually? works surprisingly well?

arguing is kinda their love language in a very strange weird way. if theyre not fighting somethings wrong but their like constant bickering actually is rlly important to you three's relationship lmfaooo a lot of communicating is just eren and jean fighting and then you pick up on something they say and you three talk it out. plus its gets all their energy out at the end of the day... like when puppies run around in circles bc they didnt go on long enough walks

jean is the planner of the couple, always making sure you guys get tickets to see this that and whatever, always figures out how ur gonna get places and when everyone will be picked up, makes sure everyones schedules are free and that theres no big game release that you'll miss and eren doesnt have work and jean isnt volunteering

in terms of nerdiness jean is a decent middle ground between you (who says "ummm actually..." unironically) and eren (who thought dungeons and dragons was a kinky thing) because he lives with connie so he gets roped into playing stuff like rainbow six seige and watching battlestar galactica into late hours of the night. also he's an only child who was prone to boredom as a kid so he played video games like any other only child. that being said he has a more extroverted personality and aptitude for sports so he just never got as absorbed in it as you did

this kind of makes eren jealous tbh because he thinks jean has more to relate with you then him. but jealousy is like a natural feeling and despite his feigned reluctance jean is happy to share his knowledge with him.

plus eren realizes that what he lacks in video game and movie knowledge he makes up in anime bc jean is clueless on that front. once you went on this huge rant about how sailor moon would decimate goku in a fight and jean just goes "gokus the pirate with the fox spirit, right? hes trying to become number one pro hero right?"

speaking of eren eren and jean are on the same volleyball team (i hc they play volleyball bc theyre tall but i think theyd be cute on any sports team because im weak hearted) and you become their fave cheerleader <3 they look for you in the stands before each game and have their own little ritual for good luck. when he spots you jean jumps really high (despite the team captain, levi screams at him to save it for when the game starts) and makes a heart with his arms and blows you a kiss when he gets in the air and its so embarrassing so eren just dogpiles the embarassment but giving you an over exaggerated wink its the worst theyre gross

jean gets you into connie's discord server after you complain that people are really rude to you in online games and eren is quick to demand an invite too even though he literally plays nothing and has no idea how discord works. he will log in and ping you to show you a meme and even though connie's server is really chill with rules (like 10 ppl max, just some friends hanging out) he has always wanted to say "no memes in general" so he does it every time. you have to show eren how to use private messages once connie jokes abt eren being his discord kitten.

cuddle pile while watching movies... jean is a film buff so you three have movie nights rlly often. its usually you sandwiched in between them with jean behind you and eren in front of you so you can play with his hair. jean's movie taste is actually really broad and you and eren both find a ton of new favorites through him.

they both really like listening to you ramble. you can explain soooo much lore abt your fave series and theyre both really invested. eren is more invested in the characters while jean is more focused on what happens next, but theyre both listening rlly well and making sure you know they care. they kinda care in different ways though? while eren is just passionate and because he's so passionate he must know about all things you like, jean is either interested or just likes hearing your voice. of the two jean is more likely to give you short answers and he'll be more dozed off so he's good to go to when you just want to rant. eren is going to ask you more questions and get wayyy more confused so he's good to go to when you want to explain or flesh out your points.

jean finds eren's jealousy of fictional characters sooooo ridiculous. whenever eren is pouting about some new video game guy youre in love with jean is rolling his eyes because of course its eren jaeger he's just looking for things to get angry at. "what are they gonna do idiot, come out of the tv?" but then one day there's a character that looks a lot like eren and suddenly he understands everything. but he realizes you have a thing for guys with long hair. he'll keep the mullet around for a while

they both really like having you sat in their laps and (unbeknownst to you) in order to avoid conflict they created a system. cozy game? eren. reading? jean. watching anime? eren. watching something live action? jean. playing a game on your phone? eren. watching an analysis video for your favorite franchise? jean. just messing around on your computer? rock paper scissors, best of three. eren likes to hug you tight and rest his head on your shoulder while talking to you. when it gets quiet he'll nuzzle his face in your neck and give you small kisses there. while jean likes to put his hands under your shirt and rest it on your stomach while you two chat. he's puts his head on your head or throws it back depending on your height and kinda just likes letting his hands wander, like rubbing up and down your arms or tickling you lightly.

you: i hate this stupid game

eren: yeah babe that game fucking sucks (has never played it in his life)

jean: then stop playing it?

you and eren, at the same time: what? no.

all in all they are good boyfriends 10/10 would recommend.

[suckishima]

for the character(s) ask: yamaguchi and kenma (i dont remember you talking abt him much so im interested)

Aah yes, thanks for asking Ganeefah!!

yamaguchi here! but i can answer for kenma!

First impression: i remember i knew immediately that was going to be Important during his introduction lol, with the way hinata just runs into him essentially on the street. i also massively related to the way he just hid away in his games, and also like, ran away when kageyama so much as looked at him alskdjas. i figured he was gonna be super shy all the time and like grow into his confidence

Impression now: i'm pleasantly surprised that his arc doesn't turn out quuuite like that lol. like he does get more expressive and absolutely grows, but it feels more like his confidence is slowly being uncovered rather than discovered entirely, if that makes sense. like as soon as he's comfortable, kenma is gonna be throwing out insults left and right lmao, and he really doesn't seem to be afraid to show his full self at all. it's never like he actually doubts himself or his skills and it's more like he just dislikes dealing with things 😆and i really like how that all plays out in his character arc, it feels very unique to me, while being super satisfying

Favorite moment: *clenches fist* season 5 WHEN. my dear anime-onlys, know that some amazing kenma moments are coming and they are coming soon (well. soon narratively at least lol), and they are so so good. but of what we've seen so far, probably just the whole bit about him and taketora learning to be teammates and, dare i say it, friends lmao. i think it says so much about kenma that he does actually manage to have a good relationship with him and actually try at keeping it that way too, considering how much he doesn't like to deal with things lol. it's like the beginning steps of realizing that some things do take work, but that that work can lead to better things

Idea for a story: lmao i'd be interested in just like a little thing about him and hinata hanging out playing video games. hinata is all excited about everything but keeps getting mad when kenma consistently kicks his ass. always asks for a rematch

Unpopular opinion: when people think he's nice alskjdasld. i mean he's not like a mean malicious person, but like, kenma is usually indifferent at best. where is that post that's like "fanon kenma: uwu canon kenma: *drawing of kenma throwing a chair at lev*" bc YEAH. he isn't some incapable shy little kid who's scared of everything, he's the one deliberately not making eye contact while simultaneously, silently roasting everyone's very existence

Favorite relationship: rrrrr this is a really hard choice between kuroo and hinata, but i think. hinata. the support of each other, the inspiration between the two of them. they each bring something out of the other than only they can and it's really cool to see how it plays out

Favorite headcanon: his teammates always send him pictures of pudding in the groupchat and he haaaaaates it. he never re-dyes his hair at all tho, too much effort

[kraviolis]

I'VE ALREADY HEARD ABT THE RIVAL STREAMERS AU BUT I'LL ASK ABOUT IT ANYWAY BC IT'S FUCKING GOOD

KERRY IM JUST GONNA COPY AND PASTE SHIT FROM THE DOC YOU ALREADY READ!! I DONT HAVE ANY NEW CONTENT IM SORRY KJDSHKJSFJKSF

OK SO gordon is like. 22-23 in this au. he’s a medium time streamer. he variety streams a lot. he has a son that he lets on stream sometimes. he has a day job as a student getting his master’s in theoretical physics and as a TA for a professor he knows at his college. he streams at night and the weekends mostly. he has a relatively small following, averages 2-3k ppl per stream.

benrey is somewhat of a small time streamer but hes a lil mysterious. no face cam, no real name, no know home city or even what state he lives in. he streams more unknown games or just games he finds interesting and sometimes speedruns. hes chill as fuck and funny as hell. he avgs 400 ppl per stream.

one day, they're both streaming at the same time, and gordon runs into him in a multiplayer game. he harasses gordon a lil, makes him laugh, pro gamer strats. they become “rivals” but its mostly for show to entertain their viewers. they run into each other in the one game a couple times and have fun antics that stay within that game.

but then when benrey’s just chatting with his stream later, a mod in chat says “oh shit look its the guy” and links gordon’s channel, specifically a clip where he’s streaming his reaction to a video game show case while eating cereal in sweatpants and talks with his mouth full. he’s talking shit about the playstation guy presenting the fucking. ps5 or whatever.

and benrey’s like “aw shit. dude. hes fucking hot.” but not out loud.

out loud he says “i knew this guy was bad news, he hates playstation.”

then he notices gordon’s actually also live right now. so he and his viewers go to see gordon’s live feed and he’s playing fucking. pubg or something. and benrey’s just “alright folks we’re fucking stream sniping him” and he DOES and uses the same shitty user name in the MMO they were playing

gordon is immediately like “you FUCK what are you DOING HERE” and benrey’s laughing really hard off mic so gordon doesn’t hear and he just goes “what i cant hang out with my best friend” and he just follows gordon around with his shitty passport joke and gets them both killed. and both of their chats are eating it up.

but THEN when gordon’s off stream he gets @‘d on twitter with benrey’s stream clip of him reacting to finding gordon’s twitch and hes like “DUDE.” and posts on twitter like “@passportguardian you’re calling me bad news when you’re the one stream sniping?”

and then gordon passes out and wakes up to 4000 twitter notifications. because benrey saw and replied and the rivalry is getting HEATED. gordon is grinning and laughing at his replies to all his tweets just bickering with each other.

and then one stream a couple weeks later gordon gets sent a clip of benrey on stream roasting gordon and saying “idk guys if he wasnt such a coward he would get on call and argue with me himself and tell me exactly how PC is superior instead of hiding on twitter like uhhhhh little coward boy” and gordon goes “uh huh. yep. we’re doing this” and DMs benrey like “give me your discord im abt to end ur whole career”

and they get on call together and gordon LAUNCHES into his argument. benrey is like half trying not to bust a gut and half just trying to rile him up and gordon is laughing too and getting more “heated” and they end it with benrey going “cant FUCKING believe this dont FUCKING talk to m--” and then going offline. gordon dies laughing on stream and cant even focus on what he was doing before he has to end stream too

and then gordon cant stop thinking about benrey. and benrey already knows hes got a crush on gordon but hes not abt to make this weird. they keep their rivalry going and hop into each other’s streams sometimes and just chat and bicker at each other privately. they get to become really good friends (maybe more? jk ahahaha.... unless,)

benrey’s friend tommy starts to be friends with gordon too and its so fucking fun. tommy is streamer but not as big as either of them (he likes 2 stream more unconventional stuff, like him reading out loud to chat and him cooking with his dad and just him taking sunkist to the park, hes not big on playing video games) and is a neutral party in the rivalry. tommy gets along with gordon really well and actually was the mod to direct benrey to gordon’s stream for the first time. I CAN KEEP GOING ABT THIS but i want to finish the actual story part of this au before sharing with the public !! also i wanna draw designs for them........

[tigerdrop]

for what its worth i originally followed you /because/ i find it so charming how passionate you are for your specific niche interests. like i know nothing abt hlvrai like i have literally no idea what it is (is it... a podcast? lets play...?) idk how i found you but i just thought huh this person is really cool and neat and super into this thing ive never heard of and super unapologetic that its "weird" fetish shit, thats dope, /im/ into weird fetish shit lol and ive loved seeing you on my dash since then, even though i still got no clue who these dudes are. Sorry this is weird lol i hope this doesnt come off as condescending or anything i just thought why not let you know (:

that is very nice of u and i have no idea how you got here or how youve managed to stick around but.....thank u nonetheless

and i know you didnt actually ask this but this ask is basically fresh meat to a piranha so (swiveling in my chair) i am going to tell u about hlvrai.

hlvrai is a half life machinima, which basically means "a handful of people used a video game to roleplay a bunch of characters in a story". (sorry if this seems condescending. i dont mean to be im just erring on the side of caution.) you can find the abridged version here on youtube. it was streamed live on twitch by funny man wayneradiotv, and ended up developing a terrifyingly huge fanbase b/c A) its funny, but also B) it has a dude that exists purely to antagonize/flirt with the main character, gordon freeman. this dudes name is benrey. he is almost certainly the biggest reason why this fanbase exploded shortly after it aired. he is also, unfortunately, the half life security guard model that cursed my dick

the thing about hlvrai is that it also spawned a uniquely sex-averse fanbase. which is why i end up with so many people giving me shit on here. there are a number of interlocking reasons for this. one is the average age of the fans. its an M-rated machinima based on an M-rated game, but a huge chunk of the fandom consists of 15 yr olds with incredibly wack ideas about sexuality. red vs blue (the halo machinima) also had a primary audience of teenagers and young adults, but it has over 10 fucking thousand fics on ao3 and not nearly the same violent repulsion towards adult works. probably b/c the average gamer was more likely to just call you a slur if they found out you wanted the purple and orange master chiefs to bang.

this dovetails with some popular misinterpretations of comments made by wrtv and the cast about nsfw fanworks. wayne doesnt like seeing them and it makes him uncomfortable to be shown them, but he has stated multiple times that he doesnt actually give a shit if people make them and we can do what we want in our own spaces. he has no desire to play fandom police and, more importantly, has no desire for anybody else to do so, either. buuut most people who are het up about this are teenagers who are already uncomfortable around the subject of sex, who think that wayne was just being coerced into saying that stuff, and who very much do not want to be convinced otherwise. (and im certainly not gonna fucking try.)

at the end of the day a lot of peoples problems with nsfw fanworks boils down to, they see these machinima characters as just "the streamers being themselves", so drawing them touching dicks amounts to drawing rpf of real, actual guys. like the mcyt fanbase. but its just demonstrably untrue! wayne repeatedly has to cajole himself into getting into character as gordon freeman. benrey has his own fucking plushie and is a recurring character on waynes streams now. they are their own characters! and at this point i have psychoanalyzed them so thoroughly and read so much into a half life improv series they might as well be their own fucking OCs. (god knows thats what most content in this fandom amounts to, anyway.)

sorry. that was mean. anyway i dont know if you care about any of this but if you ask me literally anything about hlvrai i will explode like a water balloon. i am just enthralled with the concept of the series and with these two characters in specific and i still really really want them to fight and fuck and piss their pants or whatever embarrassing shit

[dropoutparty]

ngc ramblings part 3- chapter 5

here we are at part 3!!! sorry this one took so long, i originally was gonna make this post include entropy and extus (along with finally talking about face in depth) but it was so fuckin long that im splitting it into 2 different posts! the next part isnt done yet but im like almost halfway done so it shouldnt be too much longer until its out! also before we get into this one:

tw for: death, animal death, and suicide. pls take care of urself and don't read this if those things are triggering for u <3

ok lets get on with the post

at the start of entropy zach doesnt waste any time getting right to the point. this place is bigger than the other planets so far, and zach says the music this time around is a melody that “started out normal but then got distorted” played by a violin sounding instrument. even tho i do sometimes forget that this is supposed to be a creepypasta im not surprised that he said it made him feel depressed and unnerved lmao. anyways, this planet has all new level types in it!! no reused ones!! ok now this is epic. the bosses this time around are megalon, battra, and mechagodzilla, but itll be a good while before we get to those guys because this chapter is long as hell holy shit?? buckle up babez <33 now, before i get into the meat of things as usual im gonna talk abt the planet name! entropy basically means “a lack of order/predictability or a gradual decline into disorder” and that's very accurate to this part of the story. at this point, red is pissed off and is getting desperate, which means from here on out things are going to be getting more intense and more unstable. this world is the turning point in the overall story, basically.

now with that out of the way, zach first goes to the worlds quiz level as usual! this time something was different. usually, in the quiz levels there would be goofy ass music playin in the bg (specifically the GH1D0RA cheat music, if you wanna like listen to it ig?) but from here on out its been replaced by the music from the games password screen, which zach called creepy earlier on in the pasta. im gonna glaze over the quiz again this time, but when we get to the next planet ill talk about all of the quizzes in depth all at once. basically all you need to know for now abt what happens here is face asks “do you like mothra?” and when zach picks no (after going on a tangent abt how mothra sucks lmao,, bro i swear im good at the game my controllers just messed up /s), face enters bastard mode and goes “TOO BAD!” and boom now zach cant play as anyone but mothra. zach is pissed for now but little does he know this is just going to become an even more epic gamer bc of this,, youll never get better at something if you never try and all that.

after that, zach moves on to the first level type- the forest. immediately zach gets an eerie feeling from this level bc he has some kinda fear involving forests at night (i can think of a reason why but ill have to talk abt that later just to be sure). hes also not feelin great about being forced to play as mothra, so the pressure of it all is def starting to get to him by now. the music in the forest is woodwinds followed by slow, rhythmic drums and chiming bells. must have been some ominous woodwinds and bells bc it made him feel like he was intruding somewhere he shouldnt be (oh rlly?? u dont say,, everything up until now has been fine /s). getting into the level itself, eventually zach comes across some weird deer-like monsters just vibing and scares them away when he gets close. later in the level he finds more of these weird deer along with a sloth-like creature on some of the trees and some raptor dudes killing some of the deer. zach shoots one of the raptors but thats about it. nothing really happened in this level but zach noted that he didnt feel like he was playing a video game, but instead it felt more like he was exploring a forest in another dimension. thats interesting for reasons ill ~get to later~ (yall must be so tired of hearing that by now omg,, i know im tired of saying it at least. i was gonna wait until after replay to talk about things but i severely underestimated how long this whole project would be, so i might make a post for the “more on that later” stuff before i get into replay. let me know what u think i should do).

anyways, the next thing zach checks out is the first tv screen level so far. these levels just play an animation with some music in the background, and theres a different animation per level. this time around the animation is of a kid with a beaver(?) head licking a lollipop and the music is the GH1D0RA music that the quiz levels used to use. the only thing of note here is that zach says he had a shirt that looked just like that when he was a kid. after that, were off to some of the weirdest fuckin levels in this whole thing imo- the hourglass levels. these levels have an entirely brown color palette, with grandfather clocks standing in the background (the level appears to be in like a hallway or something) and various time measuring things floating in the air. the music is the same as the board (ig cosby just didnt feel like thinking of what theme this place would have lol). after a little bit zach was rlly happy to see actual enemies from the normal game show up! these are basically like aircraft, tanks, etc. thats not the main attraction here tho, bc this level has its own unique mechanic! this mechanic is the colored hourglass items you can pick up. there are three of them, a blue one that slows time down and makes enemies from the past appear, a red one that speeds up time and makes enemies from the future appear, and a green one that made the time flow normally and spawned enemies from the normal game. zach found the blue one first, which caused a bunch of prehistoric enemies based on real animals to show up. after that he found a green one and fought normal enemies again, and then he found a red hourglass. the future enemies here look like aliens to me, and zach says that one enemy reminds him of something he saw in a book once. eventually, a special future creature showed up and zach was suddenly in a boss battle! or a mini boss battle? that description is probably more accurate. this guy doesnt have a face, and he can only attack by shooting a beam from his face, it sure does look cool! after zach beat it tho, he was off to the next level type, which is basically a toxic waste dump.

zach called it grungy and inhospitable, with the music being a synth ambient loop that made him feel dizzy while he listened to it. this is important because this is the first instance of the game making zach feel something *physically*, not just psychologically. all of the enemies here are mutated to some degree, with him first seeing green mummies with bird skulls coming out from vats of toxic slutch and a brownish cow skeleton monster with spider legs. later zach comes across a deer from the woods, drinking some toxic slutch (delinchous). zach got close to it to try making it stopped but suddenly some enemies came out of nowhere and scared it into running right off a ledge and into the slutch. rip :pensive:. after that zach found more mutated enemies (i.e some things with tentacles and some other deformed thing with human teeth) before he finally gets to the end of the level, where theres another miniboss waiting for him!! this ones a toxic sludge monster with a whale skull who attacks with a mouth projectile and by charging into you. the monster sank into the slutch and thats all for this level babeyy!

the next level is another forest, but this time its winter! its still at night, but this time zach doesnt feel off put, which he mostly attributes to the music. he describes it as a gentle, calm song that almost sounded romantic. the entire first segment of this level had no enemies in it, but dw this level is interesting i swear. the next segment starts out just as empty as the last one, but this time its silent. that is, until the music from “unforgiving cold” starts playing. yaa you remember that place!! i think i said it was less interesting than i remembered but its interesting again now bc it was foreshadowing these levels!! anyways soon after the music started up, zach started to come across tons of frozen bodies of the deer from earlier. some were mutilated, some werent, but they were all frozen and covered in snow. eventually zach does come across something living though, a sloth creature from earlier! its just vibing when suddenly the winter versions of the raptors from earlier rush in and fuckin obliterate the sloth thing. those things just blindly try killing everything in sight, and even start fighting themselves before zach finally gets to the last part of the level.

now this is where shit starts to get crayzay. this part opens up to a big empty field with a full moon and the nice music from earlier back. despite the nice music tho, zach immediately starts feeling dread and eventually he finds a lake. the lake comes down from the sky and starts to crack like an egg, a humanoid figure curled up in the fetus position dropping into the lake below and the moon halves disintegrated. this spawned the moon beast, the hardest challenge zachs had to deal with so far. after he finally defeats it, the screen goes to black and the name “melissa” is on screen, written in red. after that, the screen then says kys. the word kill then fills up the screen, layering over itself until it forms a picture of reds face. its now that we finally get to hear abt the whole melissa thing (which makes it sound like shes been mentioned in the pasta before this but thats not what i mean lmao). to summarize, zach had a middle school gf named melissa (also bro middle school?? wadda hell) who often went into “episodes” where she would stare off, expressionless, before trembling and putting her face in her hands. she and zach hung out in a field at night a lot but one night she just stared at the moon the whole time before running into traffic and dying.

NOW its finally later!!! were not done with entropy yet, but this is the end of part one of entropy so i wanna just take a little break to talk about things so far. this planet is FULL of symbolism and foreshadowing. to start off, i think a lot of the questions face asks at the beginning foreshadow things that happen. some examples are “is time slipping though your fingers?” which could allude to the time levels, “do you have any regrets?” which i think obviously foreshadows the whole melissa thing, “is it safe to go out at night?” and “do you find it hard to sleep at night?” both follow the same kinda theme, which i think relates to how the melissa incident happened at night, specifically out at night. i dont think the forest levels have anything too important in them, other than to introduce the presence of an innocent, harmless creature that doesnt deserve what happens to it later (aka the deer things) which might symbolize melissa. more evidence for this symbolizing melissa comes from the encounter with the deer in the toxic dump and the winter forest, where in the former zach tries to stop it from hurting itself but is too late, being forced to watch it die, and in the latter the same innocent thing from earlier is found dead close to where the real incident took place. the two big themes to keep in mind here are death and time, more specifically the past. most of the enemies here are either made from bones or kill other enemies, there's a dedicated time level referencing things that zach remembers seeing at one point (aka that one alien zach recognized), the beaver head had the same shirt as child zach did, it all connects to zachs past and the death of melissa. as for the moon beast, its the most obvious reference for reasons ive already explained. i dont really know what the moon cracking open and dropping a curled up human into the lake could mean other than some other thing melissa related, but i *do* think that the fact that the moon beast is the most difficult thing zach has faced so far is symbolic of the fact that the trauma from this event has followed him throughout his entire life, and its something he struggles with daily. it could even be the reason why he said no when face asked if he could sleep easily at night. the moon beast also has some black fur around its neck, which i think is meant to represent a tire track, referencing and/or mocking the way melissa died.

its so cool how this entire part of the story builds up to and foreshadows the bomb it drops at the end of the part, giving people something to look back on. a lot of ppl say that as soon as the melissa stuff gets introduced the story goes down in quality, and i do somewhat agree with that sentiment, especially if they want the story to actually be scary, but i think the direction the story goes from this point on is so unique and cool. it does follow the whole “theres a ghost in the game” troupe (even tho it was probably seen as a spin on that originally) but it doesnt do the same cliches as so many other gaming creepypastas do and it really takes the concept and makes it its own. i just think its neat,,,

anyways im done gushing abt this story, lets get on with part 2 of extus!! basically zach has a fuckin panic attack and, after taking a few minutes to calm himself down when its over, he decides that he has to finish the game now because if he doesnt its just going to haunt him for the rest of his life. zach has now realized that the game is “alive” and can somehow see his thoughts and memories, so understandably hes pretty freaked out by it at this point. when he keeps playing, the first thing he does is check out another tv screen level. this time, the animation is of a fish dude just kinda standing there with his mouth flapping open and closed and the music is the neptune board music from the original game. the only reason i can think of for why this is here is maybe the game is mocking zach for the panic attack he just had (bc when u have a panic attack you feel like you can barely breathe, if ur lucky enough to have never had one before and u dont know) but thats abt it. its probably just a random goofy thing cosby threw in there.

anyways, the next actual level is the first labyrinth level. this time around, its a gold labyrinth specifically. the music in these levels is a slow, ominous drum beat with female vocals occasionally coming in and (basically from here on out) the monster zach plays as is now half the size it used to be. i think this shows how zachs feeling at this point, like this whole thing isnt just being a big strong monster and beating up enemies any more, he feels small and scared and helpless in the face of something potentially dangerous that he doesnt understand maybe his confusion about the game is the reason *why* theres so many labyrinth levels here in the first place. anyways im getting ahead of myself. personally, i think the aesthetic of the gold labyrinth is very similar to the green temples back on trance. while trance had a more circular and soft theme to it's architecture and sculpture, entropys is much more square or rectangle oriented. despite this, i think that the golden mazes at least are another religious kind of building, and the architecture is just different because theyre two different cultures who just happen to worship the same spiritual figure (aka melissa. did i say that earlier? i think i did,, if i didnt well the religions worship melissa, not knowing she's a dead human or anything. probably).

moving on, zach notes how the gold labyrinth would probably have been impossible to navigate as any of the other monsters, so turns out face being an asshole was a blessing in disguise after all huh? anyways this place is full of weird gold monsters, lava/fire traps, and stone faces (both in more of an easter island head style and in the regular feminine headshot weve seen so far). zach comes across two feminine heads, one that is more adult looking and pure gold, and another one that looks much younger and whos eyes have red irises and blue scleras. this statue apparently looks a lot like melissa did on the night she died, so zach leaves it pretty quickly. i *think* this is the first time we see the color blue associated with melissa? if it isnt sorry abt that, its been a couple days since i worked on ngcr so ive forgotten some of the smaller or more subtle things by now. GOD i keep getting side tracked ANYWAYS eventually zach finds a non-gold enemy and sees it get picked up by like an arcade crane claw. hes curious so he follows the claw, only to see the monster be put in a big gold cauldron and walk out the side of it as a gold monster.

gonna be honest, no idea what the hell this could mean. like? theres been no themes of corruption or good things becoming evil so far so this just kinda. exists,, yea idk lol. im not part of like any discord servers or anything so all this theorizing and analysis has just been me, maybe getting some small ideas from like random youtube comments or something, so if something ive said so far has been unanimously disagreed with somewhere i dont know about it. thats also why this isnt really a definitive or comprehensive analysis (even tho im trying to be as comprehensive as i can).

anyways zach finds the exit soon after and hes on to the next level type (there's so fucking many of them ik dont worry weve almost gotten to all of them now), the indigo cliffs. the background of these levels is similar to the blue mountains from trance, but now the moon and clouds from the toxic dump background is also here (and colored indigo to match). the music here is just a deep rumbling noise. the first “enemies” he sees here are just a bunch of multicolored little guys coming out of a hole in the ground and jumping off a cliff. were continuing the death theme yall!! anyways zach continues, flying over some more weird creatures (tho some of them just look like dinosaurs lol) before he sees a bunch more of the multicolored guys out and about but this time theyre getting grabbed by birds!! wadda heel!!! zach comments on how the multicolored dudes seem eager to die and thinks maybe the moon has something to do with it (like melissa dude wat!!!! that's crazy /s). at the end of the level there were some more multicolored dudes just walking into a creatures mouth so zach attacked the thing and killed it and the levels over yay!

now its time for the bosses babeyy!!! first zach fights battra (basically an evil moth kaiju), the music is varans theme. battra starts off in his larvae form, where he basically just fought by running into you and shooting stuff at you. while fighting this form, zach noticed that the game buffed mothra because his gamer skillz were too cringe lmaoo. he beats the larvae form and battra goes into his second form, where hes basically a stronger clone of mothra (misogyny). zach fights battra and has fun doing it (for once,, good for him) and he wins yay! next hes fighting megalon (a big beetle/bug kaiju), whos music was gigans theme. im tired when im writing this so ill just give you zachs description of how he fought: “strong, persistent, but dumb”. after this, zach checks out the last tv screen of entropy. this time, it shows a big buff guy with a sack over his head hit a womans head with a sledgehammer while shes tied to a table or something. the music for it was the password theme. i think this is probably here because red is getting angrier? like this guy is still here after i triggered his ptsd?? what the hell!!!

anyways before we get to the last boss we have one last level type to get through- the shadow labyrinth. at this point, zach starts to feel drained because no shit sherlock you just had a panic attack and youve been playing this game for fuckin several hours at this point of course youre fuckin drained. anyways zach enters the shadow labyrinth, which is a black recolor of the gold labyrinth. the music is “evil ambience” similar to unforgiving colds music but distinctly different apparently. there werent any enemies so zach just kinda wandered for a while until the lights turned off, darkening the whole screen and (secretly) spawning tons of spooky enemies thatll chase and hit mothra in the dark. eventually the lights came back on and zach started scrambling to the exit. when the lights turned back off, zach was able to find one of the melissa looking statues and stood next to it. it warded off the monsters while the lights were off, so zach was safe. i think this shows 2 things: 1) its a little more validation for my “religion in this world worships melissa” theory and 2) it foreshadows the way melissa wants to protect zach at the end of the game. zach beat the shadow labyrinth a lot faster than the gold one so were done with all the stages now!! now theres only the last boss and red and were done with entropy!

the last boss is mechagodzilla, but when zach starts the level, normal godzilla is there instead!! its whatever tho bc soon the disguise is gone and its just pretty much the normal mechagodzilla fight (but now hes got a gay beam). at about half health tho, mechagodzillas sprite breaks into pieces like gezoras did way back on earth and reforms into not-mechagodzilla. even tho it looks uncanny (and the usage of the face statue on the front is probably there to further mock zach bc melissa) zach beats it p easily and now its time for the chase. ba dum ba dum thats the sound of a chase.

as usual tho, before i get to the red chase its time to talk about entropy as a planet!! i think the best way to describe the layout is “a big forest with a toxic waste dump in it takes up half the planet while the other half is a large religious temple/labyrinth with a dangerous underbelly”. there doesnt seem to be any intelligent life there now (its all dead by now probably) but there was at some point at least because imean the huge labyrinth is there dude!!! i dont have much to say for this section tbh bc i feel like i've already said everything i wanted to, so its time for the chase ig!!

basically the chase with red here takes place in a labyrinth level bc of course it does. this labyrinth, however, seems to be made of some kind of organic matter. is it flesh? organs? nondescript viscera? idk but it's pulsating and bloody. also this time red has wings too!! anyways, basically zach avoids red throughout the maze, red breaks through one of the walls with his big alien tongue, and zach gets to the end of the maze. nothing crazy happens at the end of this chapter (i think it was crazy enough as is) so thats the end of that and now its time for the penultimate planet- extus.