#i dont have to work dont have to think about covid or any wars happening or whatever new crisis will come tomorrow

[incorrectfatui]

ok only one person asked for this, but I'm really bored, so: memes about our government collapsing, here you go. feel free to ignore it otherwise, next post will be about more harbingers xD

But politics talk beyond this point- dw, I get it if you dont wanna see that

Context will be below the pictures- please keep in mind that german humor is...well, german. Also, I can't figure out how to post multiple pictures at once, so uh...this is gonna be a long one. ALSO look at the ALT text I tried my best to translate & give more context

So of course, everyone immediately started memeing about Lindner. Why? Because most of the country fucking hates the guy. I don't think I specified enough how awful he is. The current government is incredibly inneficient, and he's a major reason why. He's an ultra-capitalist, in love with a free market economy, frequently has temper tantrums in parliament, and is INCREDIBLY anti social. He wants higher pension ages, less subsidies for unemployed people, the works. What people are also making fun off is Scholz, our chancellor, who was practically nonexistent for the last 3 years, only to deliver a VICIOUS speech about how awful Lindner is. So yeah! Government collapse is fun if you have the right memes. Hope at least some of those were funny to you guys as well

thaaats most of the ones I could fit. Which brings me to: the context. oh my god where do i begin.

Okay, so, the german parliament is made out of multiple parties, right? When we have elections, the chancellor is from the party with the most votes, but they don't rule alone, because they need a majority (<50%), and we have so many parties that they don't get there. So, they have to form coalitions with the other parties. When they do that, the leaders of the other parties get to be in high positions as well. Every party that isn't in the coalition is the opposition.

More often than not, we have what is called a Grand Coalition- the two biggest parties, CDU and SPD. However, in our last elections (which was also the first time in 16 years that our chancellor changed), this did not happen. We instead got the so called traffic light coalition, made up of the SPD (winner, got the Chancellor), FDP (our other main protagonist in this story) and the Greens.

So, they've ruled for about 3 years now, and it's been an utter shitshow- because of multiple factors, of course, but one of the major ones was the FDP. See, the Greens and the SPD are (or, well, were, but thats for another story) more left leaning, ESPECIALLY on stuff like climate change, while the FDP are mostly focused on the economy. So, there's been lots of conflicts, and all the parties in the coalition, but especially the FDP, have lost immense support. The FDP to a point where they might not get ANY seats in parliament for the next election.

Now, some of our current biggest issues are inflation, climate change, and the war in Ukraine. I'm simplifying this to hell and back, but essentially, we have a so called debt-brake in our constitution, which means that the country cannot go over a certain amount of money. Sounds good, right? Well, not entirely. Right now, we are trying to go over this limit. See, the debt-brake has an intentional loophole, which says that in emergencies, you CAN go over it, like natural catastrophes (e.g. COVID).

Germany, right now, wants to fund our infrastrcuture, our military, Ukraine, and social subsidies. For this purpose, the SPD and Greens agreed to go over the limit. Except they can't, without the approval of their coalition partner, the FDP, and their finance minister, Lindner, who RUNS the FDP. They've been fighting about this for A WHILE, and yesterday, Scholz (the chancellor), gave Lindner an ultimatum: allow them to go over the limit, or get fired. Lindner asked for snap-elections instead, did not accept the proposal (which was already heavily in his favour) and got fired.

Which wouldn't be a problem is he was any common minister- but he's a coalition partner, so the coalition broke apart- and without the FDP, the SPD and the Greens alone do not hold a majority in parliament.

What this boils down to, is that we will likely have a minority-government (who will have BIG difficulties passing any laws) until January, and at the start of January, the Chancellor will call for a vote of confidence (yes, like in star wars), which he will lose. Meaning: Snap Elections in March (at the latest), less time for the parties to prepare their candidates, and MASSIVE profts for the right wing parties, which are currently leading in the polls.

[robinyourcreator]

2, 9, 30, 32, 33 fic asks!

aaaa thank you rowan beloved friend and mutual <3333333

this got kinda long bc you landed on my trap card: giving me a space to ramble. under the cut we go!

-2- Which of your fics is your pride and joy?

oh god so. I haven't updated it in two years because I got really burnt out by going on an updating spree while I was out of my mind fever dreaming with covid, and it's for an extremely tiny fandom for a manhwa which is really just an excuse for angsty lesbian omegaverse matriarchy in pretty traditional korean clothing. it's. i cannot recommend it without listing a bunch of trigger tags but the characters really fucking got me. im a sucker for a good plucky protagonist. anyways i set about to fix the love triangle with polyamory, as i am wont to do. now that i have given my here be dragons spiel, here it is: like a shadow loves the light

I was in no way prepared for the outpouring of love that fic has received, but that's what happens when you write something for a fandom that (at the time) had only one (1) page on ao3. it's terribly self-indulgent and I have a fantastic time every time I work on it, and I think it shows.

shit. wait. was i contractually obligated to say the fic i wrote at 18 that i met my spouse because of? no. fuck. dont read that i wrote that as a TEENAGER--

-9- How did you get into writing fanfiction?

there was a brief stint in middle school where i would toy with writing fanfiction for things like hp or the various magical girl anime i was obsessed with, and, despite knowing the existence of ffn, believed i was doing something terribly new and cool. none of those things were ever actually written, much less posted. i just doodled for them.

ANYWAYS, the real answer here is i, at 16, got sixteen year old lesbian socked SO HARD in the gut by Star Wars: The Old Republic's Light Side Jaesa Willsaam storyline that I went looking for fanfiction for her and found explicit femslash (big no no for innocent mormon teenager!) for her written by my now-internet-auntie/mum/mentor wrote and realized i was gay. I started engaging with the swtor and kotor fandoms and making my own shit for my ocs for funsies. this got me two significant others and one spouse as well as most of my mutuals here on tumblr.hell.

-30- Have you noticed your style change over time?

god, i hope so. teenage me's things have therapy speak. but those things also got me a spouse soooooooooo. I like to think I've gotten a little better over ten years. One hopes. matured a little.

-32- A character you enjoy making suffer.

any character i am remotely attached to? which means, currently, my bg3 polycule girlies. sorry girlies.

-33- A character you want to protect.

IGNORE ALL PREVIOUS ANSWERS I WOULD KILL AND DIE FOR SHADOWHEART i was chewing through drywall for MONTHS before i got the game bc i knew i was going to get got SO BAD and i was right and 0% disappointed and my girl deserves all the peace and happiness in the world--

-sweeps current Bad End WIP under the rug- nevermind that,

[caz-is-gay]

so. currently actually sobbing bc i made the horrible decision to look through techno’s channel. i saw the gravity mod vid he posted after the announcement that he had cancer. i remember being so happy. sbi content! god. i still haven’t watched the video. yknow the one. a year ago i tried to watch squids video on part of the potato war. i didnt get 3 mins in b4 i heard his voice (he was celebrating!! he was happy!) and started crying. maybe in a decade ill be able to watch it and smile. and ill be able to watch the new one, and old ones and laugh like i used to. i looked through the community posts. he really loved birds, didnt he? i feel so bad for his dad.

june 2022. worst month of my life i think. everything happened at once. on june 1st lizzy was over. i was so desperately in love with her. still in denial about the inevitable friend zone. we went to zydecos grad party! she left halfway through to call her ex. they got back together. the facade was broken. obviously she didn’t like me back and anything romantic with her is a pipe dream. (i mean who would ever love to be attracted to an ugly fat pig like me?) so lizzy is over. im trying to ignore the heartbreak. then i hear the news. techno died. my sister hears it from a friend and tells me. the ppl we have over dont get it. they dont get why it hits me so hard, and god i dont want to explain it. so i pretend im fine. keep hosting, keep being nice. every second is agony! i cry myself to sleep. that had stopped a few months ago. i wasnt suicidal anymore but god. 2 weeks later im starting to back to *normal* levels of summer break depression. my dad finds out. he loved techno. im gone again. my mom fonds out, she doesn’t know who he is., doesn’t know the other 3 ppl at the table have already been grieving. shes lost so many to cancer. “did you hear about that minecraft youtuber who died of cancer? he was only 23, its so sad” i didnt know what to say. “yes i watched him everyday for 4 years his videos were the only thing that could get me to sleep when i started having suicidal thoughts if not for him i wouldn’t be here and now he dead.” yeah.

i still didn’t get over lizzy for months. fantasizing about a life with her was my escape. it was unrealistic and i couldn’t think about her like that anymore. then my dad brought covid home from work. june 23rd, my mom almost dies. thats the worst day of my life. it was mcc day. i was watching it on my tv, because my dad went to see his parents and mom was sick. she had been in bed for days. she got sick a lot. she had bronchitis for 10 years at this point. i was taking care of her. she was obviously delirious. asking me to pour water on her because she was so hot. i didnt know what to do. i waited for so long. i couldn’t deal with this right now i needed to de stress not have more. it got too much, i called my dad and he said she must have high blood sugar. fuck. i looked at her insulin log, nothing written for 2 days. fuck fuck fuck. he told me, if she cant draw her own blood for a reading, call 911. so we did. she could have died. if i waited any longer she could have passed out and stopped breathing. she went to the hospital. medically induced coma, intubated. she had told us many times shed rather die than be on a ventilator. none of us mentioned it. she was in a coma for 2 weeks. woke up, had to be in vent for longer. she was finally extubated. she couldn’t talk but she managed to be sarcastic still. i had to hold back tears. best day of my life.

that month changed the course of my life forever. my disability was most likely caused by the mild covid infection i got b4 my mom got sick. my mom doesn’t have a fungal lung infection anymore. my parents are sleeping in the same room again, and going to therapy. my mom has a cgm and a cpap and is on top of her health.

i cant stand the sounds of artificial breathing after sitting next to her for so long. im more afraid of my future than ever. im still getting over my best friend (fuck being demiromantic man) and i am still crying over technoblade.

[diah-the-demon]

yeah this really feels like we're somewhere on stage talking into a microphone as people pass by and can listen, but yeah agreed, it feels weird when it's not tumblr skljdlsk

ooh I hope you can go there then!! I've had one in my area for a few years that was star wars, star trek and doctor who focused and it was so much fun,, unfortunately with covid coming around it has ended </3 missing it greatly

and oh no D: yeah unfortunately the kids toys break so easily which surprises me ngl,,, you'd expect kids toys to be a bit more sturdy given that kids will play around with it wildly and ksljdslk omg that sounds adorable ngl!! I think I know which masks you mean, I still see kids wearing them every now and then around halloween or carnival

yeah,,, I've gottten a tiny bit better by now (and by that I mean: I will get it but feel bad about it instead of not getting it and feeling sad about that klsjdlsk) I hope you'll eventually get better with it as well! it's so sad how much stuff like this can linger on your brain TT-TT

yeah I think it said 7 more days, so I hope I'll have enough time bcs her shedule changed and now she's at work so I can't ask her TT-TT hopefully it'll last til the weekend when we could order it (if she says yes skldjslk I doubt she wouldn't but still skjdlsk)

okay, yeah, your bookshelf is definitely already cool! But yeah the helmets are going to make it even better, no matter where exactly they will be placed klsdjl

yeah you coudl probably figure it out on your own once you get the basics, even if it is for another set of armor at first! With the basic understanding that should definitely be doable!!

and hmm, I've not build armor yet myself (will have to do so eventually tho,,, I wanna cosplay one of HI3 Himekos battlesuits after all ksjdsl) but it does already sound like a solid idea!! but yeah until you know if it works or not you have an idea at least so that's a good start!

yeah im still not used to it but i think its quite nice to have smth like a constant conversation like this thats lasted almost a full day now jdsljkds, i think its a nice change of pace jdsklkjds

hopefully i can get there when its being held! im not sure when it happens each year but il look that up later and see if i can find dates (hopefully im not gonna be busy when it happens dsjlkkdsj) and awww that sucks, i hope they come back eventually it would suck if it died off forever </3

yeah idk why they were so fragile, they weren't big so i think they were probably childrens sized ones that we had, it doesnt make much sense to expect kids to not hit 2 lightsabers together in a duel like come on

IT WAS! i dont think i have any pictures of it sadly </3 i wouldnt have even had a phone yet probably i think so pictures would probably be on my mums phone

the mask was so cool, it even had a voice changer in it! it was fucking awesome, when you breathed it would replace it with the darth vader breathing sound AND it would even make you sound like vader when you spoke!! idk how something from when i was a kid was able to do something like that but it was awesome. sadly the voice changer in it died a while ago, it still slightly worked but not consistently last time i put it on D:

yeah hopefully we both fully get over it eventually, i probably start to until either her or i move out, but yeah its so weird how it stick in your head so long, i need to refresh my brain so i can get it out lkdsjdjsl

dont want to make you feel like you need to do it sooner but it said 7 days yesterday and also today.. i didnt check how long it was when i bought my stuff (i bought the stuff on the 5th) but it might've been 7 days still.. altho i guess by the weekend it would still be 7 days after that.. hopefully it is still on by the time you talk to her!! (just checked and it might be going on until they completely sell out?? its a clearance sale so maybe? idk id probably do it sooner rather than later just incase tho)

Oh btw when you do place your order they will email you to verify the card (send a picture of the last 4 digits to confirm. It is a little bit sus but ive seen no one say this one is a scam so i dont think it is, plus they cant rlly do much with only the last 4 digits)

thank you!! it will def look so much cooler when i get the helmets in! still need to figure out where i can put the 2 extras apart from ontop of the bookshelf cause too many on there doesnt seem too good idk

yeah that sounds like the plan il do for this, try the basics, might try doing clone trooper armour to begin with if its not harder than mandalorian cause il have captain rex's helmet! imagine a female clone trooper tho that'd be so cool (totally not so i can check out her tits shush jdskls, i mean there was a female clone of jango but she isnt a trooper, and is a child since i dont think she had the accelerated growth the others did? idk not that caught up in that bit of lore)

i think its probably what they are going to say to do, i doubt they would stitch/pin it right to the bodysuit cause that would be a pain to take off (imagine having to go to the toilet after putting it on that would be so annoying to take off skdjdslkj) if it all goes well il share the progress so you can take some tips on building the armour for himeko jlsdkdjs!!

[thoughtsbeewild]

Shout out to All American Patriots out there who make "Unity" Happen. Senile Biden didn't do it, the STUPID who collided with Obama, took your money for concerts and entertainment

That video that one girl did with Jason Aldean song "go woke go broke" damn i never realized how many Americans patriots felt that way, after seeing so many SHORTS made out of that song, shorts in all kinds of forms which lets you know SILENT MAJORITY OF FOLKS ARE LISTENING, ITS AMAZING! We all don't want to see America fall. Biden, the demoncrats, MAINSTREAM MEDIA , CELEBRITIES LIKE TAY TAY SWIFT(PEOPLE DONT REMEMBER HER HOSTILE TWITTER QUOTE ABOUT ORANGE MAN HOW HE SHOULD GO TO HELL ROTT, NOBODY VOTE FOR HIM) DO YOU GUYS REMEMBER TWITTER HATRED QUOTE TAYLOR SWIFT DID DURING CAMPAIGN ELECTION IN 2020?

Revisit Recap : 2020 campaign election

NO BECAUSE ALL THAT HAS BEEN WIPED OUT, YET HERE WE ARE IN 2023 SHE BECAME MOST POPULAR BITCH ON SOCIAL MEDIA GAINING SO MANY FOLLOWERS AND PEOPLE ATTENDING HER CONCERTS. Some people I work with are HARD CORE TAYLOR SWIFT FANS. Its like Mainstream Media which is controlled by the GOVT will focus on shit that you shouldnt know. Same with all the Fucking Homicide, the killings in each state..But yet here we are, thier HATRED FOR TRUMP STILL RISES BECAUSE NOW THAT BIDEN IN POWER PRESIDENT HE CAN GET ALL CONTROL AND USE EVERYTHING AGAINST ORANGE MAN TO GET HIM LOCKED UP. BIDEN CAN TWIST EVERY WORD , ALLEGATIONS AND MAINSTREAM MEDIA CNN, YAHOO, TMZ, NBC, FOX NEWS, ALL THOSE FUCKERS STIR UP THE PUBLIC.

LIKE THAT STUPID PUBLICITY FOR CALIFORNIA SO CALLED HURRICAN HILLARY, FROM THE RESIDENTS OF CALIFORNIA IN THAT STATE I SPOKEN TO , ALL IS FINE NOTHING HAPPEN. LIKE ANY OTHER RAIN OR WHATEVER. THE MEDIA THE DEMONCRAT GOVERNOR NEWSOM WENT ABOVE AND BEYOND TO MAKE IT SOUND LIKE CALIFORNIA WAS OVER. NO I THINK TEXAS, FLORIDA, NEW YORK, ATLANTA, INDIANAPOLIS, MINNESOTA AND OTHER STATES HAVE IT MORE BAD.

So whats my point, my point is that communites are helping eachother from destroying eachother. Yet people bow down to the government and taylor swift and the fucking celebrities as if they were responsible for helping US PUNY AMERICAN PATRIOTS out. The little people.. The fact that that video i shared, man alot people are making that viral in thier own silent way. I think thats awesome, im silent here because ya'll know whats up and how shit works and how many corrputed people will try to use DIRT to destroy your life, the life you build..

I did not watch the 2023 presidential debate. WHY? BECAUSE I LOST HOPE IN OUR PRESIDENTAL ELECTION AFTER SENILE BIDEN GOT ELECTED BY THE DOMINION MACHINE, HELP OF BAD APPLES IN ALL STATES TO DROP MORE MAIL IN VOTES, A PRESIDENT SAT IN HIS BASEMENT ENTIRE CAMPAIN IN 2020 ELECTION DID NOT DESERVE TO BE THIS PRESIDENT. THE ONE who is creating war, death amongst the United states. The fact that thier alot of people killing eachother all over the united states in small poor communities are at the highest risk, murders

Nobody REMEMBERS VALDERADE SHOOTINGS WHAT WAS IT 19 KIDS, 2 ADULTS, ASIAN HATE CRIME AND NAIL SALOON 4 SHOOTERS, MORE KILLINGS EVERYWHERE, THIS IS UNDER UNITED STATES PRESIDENT BIDEN THAT PEOPLE ARE SO HAPPY ABOUT. YET PEOPLE ARE PRAISING TAYLOR SWIFT? LIKE WHY? DID SHE HELP WITH ANYTHING BUT MORE MONEY INCOME FOR HERSELF?

Whats worst an unsolictied virus known as covid 19? that originated from a bat cave. Then people and media pointed to orange man. Member CNN making every show a ticking time bomb of deaths every day.

The media never points anything bad about Senile Biden , it puppets and its FAMOUS CELEBRITIES THAT.

CNN , the CELEBRITIES, TMZ. YAHOO, MSBC, THE HILL they dont do the TICKING TIME BOMB HOW MANY MURDERS, DEATH HAPPEN UNDER HIS PRESIDENCY. WHY THEY DONT DO THAT, THATS NOT FAIR. LIKE THE UNFAIR ELECTION.

That's how new LEADERSHIP is at my old COMPANY. YOU DARE QUESTION, CHALLENGE THIS EVIL DIRECTOR, SUPERVISOR, YOU ARE DONE, WHICH MEANS WHAT THEY DO THE ORANGE MAN, WHAT I HAD EXPERIENCED. IT HAS BEEN CRAZY WAY TO HEAL and not go to the liberal/demoncratic behavior.

[baekuras]

Mad about capitalism again because imagine you could have up to a century to do what you enjoy but nope, most of that time you have to spend working just to survive and then you are too tired to do what you enjoy and then your body is slowing down and when you finally can’t work anymore and they leave you be your body is too broken to even do what you have wanted for decades and all you can do is sit and wait to die with what little time you have left after bending over backwards just to get enough money to grab whatever leftovers are in the store or whatever

[allbeendonebefore]

atlas cronus cyclopes helios hermes poseidon titans

Atlas- Favourite myth? 

quatsch called me out and said i like the myth of theseus the best and she's right and i'm sort of but not really ashamed. Every iteration and every retelling of theseus just makes me laugh. I love how stupid he is. I love how the story was used to forcibly insert Athens into the mythological histories of older and more important poleis. I love how the theseus myth was somehow used as propaganda during the persian/peloponnesian wars (I need to re-investigate this) where the city state of athens said "you should take us seriously because of this absolute moron hero"

(i fall short of calling him a himbo, but I can see the argument being made for it if you subscribe to the versions where 1. he was Asked to leave Ariadne on that island and 2. remember that time his wife said straight faced that his son made advances towards her and his first reaction was welp better go kill my son"_ 3. i dont have any explanation for the kidnappings beyond a. they were completely misinformed on helen's age and panicked and b. with persephone and hippolyta i guess they just wanted wives that could destroy them so)

Cronus- Favourite food? 

I said curry last time so maybe i should say something different this time... i did mention i love bread and likewise because of its versatility. I enjoy making bread as much as i do eating it (and i did prior to covid also). Some of my favourite breads to make include naan, rye, and black pepper cheese bread. My favourite bread to eat is sourdough (which I don't have a starter for so I haven't made it yet)

Cyclopes- What’s your favourite joke? 

Another one hmm, let me think.

the one that annoys quatsch the most is the one about the greek guy who ripped his trousers: Euripides, Eumenides! :^)

Helios- Night or day person? 

hard question. I think i am actually a morning person in that I do like being up with the sun but only if I am alone and have nowhere else to be and I'm not being told what to do xD so like once my night classes ended and I could set my alarm earlier I noticed an improvement in my mood - but when I'm at home with the fam it's pointless to be up before my parents who wake up before me no matter what so I can't enjoy those quiet early morning hours unless I yeet myself straight out of the house which I don't like doing.

Traditionally my best creative time was 7pm ish (or so i noticed in high school and undergrad) so I had always thought of myself as a night person but I don't actually like staying up super late and I only like to sleep in once in a while.

Hermes- Do you like travelling? Where is one place you want to travel to? 

tbh travelling stresses me out a lot and I need to be with a person who knows what they're doing. But when the actual travelling part is over and we're just out wandering the hills in northern england or scotland or wherever enjoying nature or on the train watching the countryside go by, it's amazing. I also like having tomodachis with itineraries to show me their hometowns because I don't even have to think about what I want to do I can just follow and enjoy learning about how they see where they're from and be led to tasty food -w-

Poseidon- Do you like to swim? 

yyyes and no i think i answered this recently in another meme but i have mixed feelings about swimming. also apparently i can't figure out floating and need to work on that so i don't drown in the river when i do go swimming ;u;

Titans- If you could go anywhere in time, when would you want to go? 

urghhg i mean part of me is like lets go to ancient greece and make notes for my thesis but part of me is like oh no i'd have to understand ancient greek far better than i do and try not to get in trouble, part of me is like what if.... i just go back to the 90s but as an adult so i can get a more nuanced look at what i was living through at the time because at least i speak the language and have a vague idea of what was happening xD (i think i'd have no problem avoiding interacting with past me lol)

[glittercatmomma]

What is happening right now in America is disturbing and unnerving and I’m going to rant about it.

I’m a white woman. I have been discriminated against for many reasons but here is the thing. RACE IS NOT ONE OF THEM. That’s why the #BLM movement is so big. There are literally millions of people being discriminated against every day but no race, gender, sexuality, or religion has been mass discriminated against for this long and this badly by everyone, especially white people. African Americans are basically being borderline hunted by police and cops are never held accountable. Enough is enough.

George Floyd should not have died. He could have bombed the entire state Minnesota and the cops still should have been able to peacefully arrest him without issues considering there were 4 cops and only 1 George Floyd. He was already in his stomach and cuffed. What the hell is he going to do? Wiggle worm his way away from the cops if they look away for a split second? FUCK NO HE WOULDNT. And he was only accused of using a false check. That is not a crime that would even be close to warrant the death penalty, life, or even a large prison sentence. Crimes like that are given short sentences or just probation but here’s the kicker. THE CHECK WASNT EVEN BAD.

-no one could attempt to help him because they’d also be shot or killed or arrested for “obstruction of justice” or some bullshit crime like that because there were three other cops who weren’t actively standing on his neck that could have taken down people attempting to help.

-this is also why cops should always wear body cams. That won’t solve all problems but it’s a start and that’s something for this corrupt ass country.

-this mans death better create change. He better not have died for nothing. No one who has been murdered at the hands of cops better have died for nothing. They all deserve justice and they all deserve good lives for their families who have not been killed. They better not have died in vain. Their living family and friends deserve a life where they are not afraid to be alive and get killed for the color of their akin.

-I don’t know who said it if it was the mayor or chief of police but some dumbass white supremacist said “i saw nothing wrong with the video. if he can talk he can breathe”. NOPE THATS NOT VALID. I can guarantee with his dying breath he said that and it was the hardest three words that man ever said. So no stupid old racist white man, he couldn’t breathe. He literally fucking died.

-90% (or some other ridiculously high number) of incarcerated individuals are African American. If they’re not killed, they’re imprisoned. I’m going to law school specifically to fight situations such as these. I’m so sick of seeing black individuals imprisoned for shit that a white person walks free for. It’s utter bullshit. This justice system is bullshit.

We’re in the middle of a pandemic that is getting worse every day because our TV show host president values the economy over peoples lives.

-other countries solved their crashing economy with mortgage and rent freezes and consistent stimulus checks. (Most Americans (including myself) did not receive a check. I’m a 23 year old law student who pays for everything myself. Government didn’t see my need for my rent. Luckily my college was kind enough to refund students some money since our classes went online mid-semester when they did not have to pay us back at all.) The economy would still not be perfect but less people would die and I think that’s more important.

-other countries also have FREE HEALTHCARE so they can receive mass testing which lowers the spread of the virus even more because everyone knows who is positive or not!!!!! WILD HOW FUCKING SCIENCE WORKS. TOO BAD TRUMP DISMANTLED THE ENTIRE PANDEMIC RESPONSE TEAM IN ORDER TO HELP OUR COUNTRY LIVE. Other counties’ citizens also won’t go into debt for receiving treatment for Covid.

The #BLM movement is full swing and cops are literally using a chemical weapon that cannot be used in war.

-tear gas can legally be used to defuse RIOTS. Tear gas was used before there was even riots and there was only peaceful protests. People began rioting when Target (a corporation that the owners are literal billionaires) wouldn’t allow people that were tear gassed to get milk from the store. We have a right to protest in America. I personally don’t agree with tear gas being used at all because if we cannot use it in war time to defend a whole country, cops should not have access to it.

-tear gas??? In the middle of a pandemic??? That causes RESPIRATORY ISSUES? ARE YOU DEMENTED? WHO THE HELL APPROVED THAT? I DONT CARE IF IT GETS PEOPLE TO DISPURSE. IT MAY ALSO KILL THEM.

-if cops can arrest mass murders without even a scratch on their demented little heads, they can peacefully arrest a single black person without fucking killing them.

-If you’re a cop and you’re scared that any black individual is a threat, you’re in the wrong profession. Also, you’re racist.

-rioting occurs when peaceful protests are no longer enough. Rioting is how things got done in America. This is the last stitch effort before a full blown civil war.

-also, you cannot tell a whole ass race how to feel when a person of their race was killed at the hands of the police, who are supposed to keep us safe. They deserve to act in whatever way they feel. They are scared and threatened and they shouldn’t be. It’s 2020. How can we be this far in the future and still be racist. Its time to fucking evolve.

Trump pulled America out of the WHO. WHO is literally making vaccines and trying to make them available to as many people as possible and help begin mass testing but according to Trump, if they have any affiliation at all with China we can’t be involved with it.

-Chinese people did not cause this virus. I don’t give a flying fuck if someone fucked a duck in China and that’s what caused the virus to start spreading around the world. It’s not China’s or any Asian persons fault for this virus. Not all of China hudled together and was like hey let’s kill millions of people with this virus hehehe. NO. THATS NOT POSSIBLE. STOP BEING FUCKING RACIST.

These issues happening in the country right now no longer have anything to do with political and everything to do with morality. If you do not believe health care is a right and it’s a privilege, your morals are questionable. If you don’t believe all individuals of any race deserve equal rights and should be treated with respect and dignity, your morals are questionable. If you believe George Floyd should not have died, but also believe rioting went too far, your morals are questionable. If you support Trump, your morals are questionable.

Nothing I say or do will ever be enough to express how upset I am and how much I am hurting for the black community. I’m sorry this is the America we live in. I hope to help change it one day and when I get my law degree I will be fighting every day along side you. I hear you. I see you. I understand you. I stand with you.

[sometimesrosy]

I have bouts of unhappiness from time to time, now more frequently than not. For more than a year, I haven’t talked to friends because of COVID and confinement. All of the friends I talk to are online, but there’s no human contact. One of them is spanish, so we never talked any other way. The others are mostly my boyfriend’s friends with whom we talk on discord. I only see my mom, grandma, boyfriend, and my cats. I work at a study center, but now even the kids I talk to through zoom because of a new confinement. I’ve been feeling pretty low and without a drive in life. I stopped reading, I stopped bullet journaling, I stopped writing, I stopped watching movies and tv. Recently I’ve started streaming video games, and honestly it’s the only thing that keeps me doing something outside of work, but I wonder when will I give up on it too. I’d like to blame this on the confinement, but even before we had it, I had already isolated myself from people. It’s really easy to feel lonely, to feel like I can’t connect. I know it’s not depression because I’ve had and I hit rock bottom then, so I know I’m better. I lost friends along my life, but most of it was for the best. I have found a life partner that treats me 100% well and who gave the best kitties I could have ever asked for. I have a mom that does anything and everything for me, a grandma that cooks for me, a house with fast internet. I have a job and students that like me. And yet, sometimes I feel like I’m here doing nothing? As if I have no purpose? I have so many interests it kills me to never be satisfied. I honestly think this is my problem. Anyway, I’m so sorry for the rant. I just felt I needed to let it out somehow. I know tomorrow I’ll wake up fine, but next week I’ll have another day like this. For now, I’m going to bed and cuddle with my boyfriend and kitties. I just wish I could change my perspective these days I’m feeling down. I don’t need to have a purpose, I don’t need to commit to hobbies. I don’t need to expect something of myself when I don’t even know what it is. Thank you for “hearing” me out. Please never delete this blog!

So here’s the thing I want you to remember:

You are living through unprecedented times. The pressures of a global pandemic, national upheaval, cultural revolution and environmental extremes have us ALL on edge.

When you take stock of your life, as you have here, you can see you’re doing pretty well. You have love and family and work and security and safety and the best kitties in the world, right? You KNOW depression and this isn’t it somehow.

And yet, you seem to think that you have to look for *your* problem, the reason why *you* particularly are feeling this way.

Nope. It’s not you. There’s not something wrong with you that isn’t wrong with everyone.

Now, I’m not a therapist, I’m not making a diagnosis here, but before this pandemic thing, there was a lot of upheaval in my life and I worked through it, leaving me in a really good position to ride out this global disaster that I wouldn’t have been in before. I mean it wasn’t good, but it’s like I experienced it before everyone else so am already on the way to healing from it while everyone else is falling into it. So from my experience and the research I have had to do for my own health and well being, what I think you’re experiencing is ANXIETY.

I think that because you told me you stopped doing the things you love, reading, bullet journaling, writing, movies and tv. That happened to me too. I mean aside from hyperfocusing on writing. It was rather stressful to STOP reading for me. And I kept feeling like something was wrong with me, then I discovered that not being able to focus on reading is actually a symptom of anxiety. And it’s common now. The world feels out of control and you feel like you should be doing something to fix it, only you can’t, and focusing on the things that are part of your life feels insufficient. You’re overwhelmed. Actually, there’s probably a bit of depression in there, too.

But I do know that I needed to read and watch COMFORT content. Something I’ve already read, or a literature genre that wraps everything up neatly in the end. For me, Historical Romance, because I need the Happy Ever After and I need the problems to be distant enough from my reality to not affect me. In fact, when I read a book that touches on traumas that are too close to real for me, I get tense and can’t continue. (I had this problem last week with a romance set in the civil war. I just can’t handle fictional racism and brutality in my escapism book when I’m trying to escape IRL racism and brutality. I think it’s because the MC was traumatized by it, where in the other books in the series, the characters were fighting it. Anyway, good books, The Loyal League Books by Alyssa Cole, the last is just hitting some of my triggers.) 

Still, I find myself unable to read science fiction or fantasy. I can ONLY read romance. It’s very weird for me, because I love SFF. But my brain is struggling to handle all the real life chaos, and there’s really no room in it right now to have comprehend the big thoughts and new universes of SFF. So when Bridgertons showed up, which is my perfect genre right now, and which I’ve already READ multiple times, so it isn’t even new material for me, THAT is the kind of thing I can watch. Superhero shows where I already know the characters. Fanfiction where it’s just two characters falling in love over and over again.

I dont’ mean to talk about myself, but as an illustration, I wanted to show you. You are overwhelmed and your brain wants to rest. Video games seems to provide that. Okay! Keep doing that. Just like I finally had to sign up for kindle unlimited so that I could zoom through all the romance books for comfort reading without having to buy new ones all the time.

This is how you are coping.

And if I read your ask right. You’re a teacher. I dont’ know what kind of teacher or if you’re irl or distance teaching, but I do know that the stress of teaching in this pandemic is INCREDIBLE.  Shoot, normal teaching is demanding enough, add the pandemic and OUCH. So I think you should recognize that you are a front line worker in keeping society running. You honestly don’t need to have a higher purpose than that... if you feel like you need to be DOING something important. You already are. 

Everyone can only do what they are capable of. Some people are in politics, some people are developing vaccines, some people are stocking shelves, some people are teaching, some people are raising kids, some people are volunteering. You don’t have to do it all. Find your place in your world and accept that you are contributing.

What you need to do right now is to take care of yourself. You MUST have time to relax. Value your family and boyfriend and kitties, just like you say. Rest, relax. Do NOT burn out. Stay healthy. That is important especially now. Eat right and drink water and sleep enough. 

I think you’re right. It is a matter of your perspective. You’ve forgotten that your life has turned upside down.  You’re expecting activity/energy levels from yourself that you had before the world was a flaming dumpster fire. But so much of your current energy is going to surviving in that flaming dumpster fire. 

EVERYONE is trying to survive right now, even when we have relatively comfortable situations. Recognize that and give yourself a break. 

[gabrielitas]

phew it's good to know i'm boy the only one super behind lmao

alright answering questions and asking some more because i have a funny little group of questions that mean nothing but i like to ask

alright so i do bias soonyoung 🙄🙄 didn't think you'd guess so early. i also like seokmin and minghao 🥴🤤 aLSO, WHY HAS SEUNGCHEOL BEEN LOOKING SO CUTE RECENTLY I CANT HANDLE 😩😩

outside of kpop i may or may not have had an emo phase (read: fall out boy, panic!at the disco, my chemical romance). i may or may not still listen emo music. i also LOVE CONAN GRAYYY. idk if he's still indie but i love indie too! probably one of my favorite genres though is classical (instrumental if you wanna get technical 🙄 been yelled at bc cLaSsiCaL iS a TiMe PeRiOd)

the best of us had emo phases ☝️ mine is a little longer lasting three years in middle school. due to this, fall out boy is one of my favorite artists! i’m also a big tchaikovsky fan, and i like doja cat a lot too!

in response to your question about 1518 strasbourg, this is when and where the dancing plague of 1518 happened dnsbsbshja. it's where the phrase "dance till you die" originated lmao. i think it'd be funny to witness this/take part in it. aside from that, id probably fuck with california in 1849 because the gold rush🧎‍♀️, france in the 1880s, or america in the 1980/1990s! i’m a history nerd courtesy of my father, so i choose all my time periods based off some of my favorite historical events! 1880s for architecture mostly, gold rush because lawlessness and the "wild west", and the 80s for the cold war :)

the night is beautiful if you take the time to live it. for me, my favorite time across the board is lunch time-12:00 ish to 3:00 just because the sun is highest and i feel happiest! i like the night when i go out on bike rides because i feel alive/ like i’m not wasting my teen years

GIRL IM NORTHEAST US TOO DJNSBSBSVABWB #goals lmao

i have 1 sister and she's super annoying🙄 i also have 2 cats and a dog (i consider them my siblings)

the most recent show i binged and finished was criminal minds, and i tried supernatural but it's just so bad i cant get past season 11. i’m working on hannibal right now!

the last book i really enjoyed was the summer i turned pretty! i’m a sucker for romance books 😩

questions i've got:

- do you have any siblings or pets?

- do you play any instruments?

- what's your favorite font?

- how many pillows and stuffed animals do you sleep with? (i have too many to count)

- would you rather live in an urban, suburban, or rural setting?

I FRIKIN KNEW U BIASED SOONYOUNG UR VIBES R SO HORANGHE I COULD JUST TELL and i gotta say ur the second person who’s had both minghao and soonyoung on ur bias list and i just find that so funny cuz they’re polar opposites to me (also u have impeccable taste with minghao that boy is my ult and has my whole heart) AND OMG RIGHT??? seungcheol needs to *CHILL*😤

omg yes conan gray😫 this is gonna sound whiny but heather was one of my favorite songs of his before it became a tiktok trend💅

and yes the best of us *did* have emo phases, mine lasted from late 8th grade into the first half of freshman year, so it was kinda short lived but it still happened lol

also, seeing tchaikovsky and doja cat next to each other in a sentence is so funny (but in a weird way i get it lol) i’m not the *biggest* classical/instrumental fan, but i have def used it as study music when songs with lyrics r just too distracting. back to doja tho!! have u listened to her new album?? do u have a fav song off of it? (i haven’t listened to all of it but i do have a couple that i rlly like)

omg how did i not recognize that u were talking abt the dancing plague!!!!!🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ idk if u watch buzzfeed unsolved or watcher but they have a series called puppet history and the episode on the dancing plague is one of my favorites! also omg yes another history nerd who knows abt history b/c of her dad!!!! i’m prob most knowledgeable abt wwii, the civil rights movement in the us, and the spanish civil war cuz those r my dads main interests and i was sat down in front of documentaries abt those topics at the age of like, 3 lol. and wanting to experience the wild west is such a perfect and iconic era to want to live in, and wanting to experience the cold war is so funny (b/c i’m sure the ppl who were living it without knowing the ending like us felt the exact opposite lol)

and yes the night is so beautiful when u just give it ur attention. like, on my birthday it was raining and i didn’t have school the next day (and my birthdays i’m may so it was pretty warm) so i just went outside at like, midnight ish and listened to the rain and crocheted and it was truly so nice 😫 also omg last year when covid had us all at home i went for a bike ride almost every day after school to just get out of my room and it was so nice!! it was my bike from when i was like, 12 but i’m 4’11 so i was still able to ride it without a problem lsnsksns

and yes pets r absolutely siblings, my cat prob acts more like s typical sibling than my two younger siblings do lsnsksns (srsly tho my cat is an asshole she fucked up my leg the other day cuz i gave her food late smh)

omg hun season 11?? how many seasons of that goddamn show r there??? i couldn’t get past episode 1😭 (i rlly only started watching it b/c of dean from gilmore girls sksnksns) the show i’m currently bingeing rn tho is downton abbey, as i’m sure u can tell from how much downton shit u had to scroll past to find my answer to ur last ask alskkskjsjs (i’m so so sorry 😭)

ooo that sounds like a rlly good book title, what was it abt? i just finished a secret history (which FUCKED ME UP MY GOD THERES A LOT OF MURDER) and i’m currently working on the sequel to my name is asher lev by chaim potok (who is one of my fav jewish/classic literature authors and also just a rlly good author in general)

for ur questions:

-yes i do have siblings! two younger (one four and a half years younger and one a little over nine years younger than me so i’m the oldest by quite a bit lol) and i do have a pet! my cat sweetie who is an asshole who i love very much

-i took piano for like a year in second grade but then third grade happened and i was rlly bad at math so my parents switched from paying for piano lessons to paying for math tutoring lessons and i now remember literally nothing from piano lessons sksnksns

-i,,, dont think i have a favorite font? i do like to write in cursive and have a collection of calligraphy pens that i bust out on special occasions so there’s that i guess lol

-ok i have two normal pillows, one chair/armrest/pillow thing (idk if that makes sense but that’s the only way i know how to describe it sksnksns), a body pillow, and a single stuffed bear that live on my bed

-ooo so this is difficult for me cuz i technically live in a suburb but we’re *right next* to a major city in my state (like i’m a 20ish min car ride from my states baseball stadium and a 20 min walk to the college of the major city) so this has kinda made me rlly like both? like, i like the quiet of the suburbs but i cant handle not being able to walk to the closest boba shop or movie theatre or bookshop but i also don’t rlly love the noise and lights that there are in the city at night. so idk sksnksns

what do u like more tho? the city or the suburbs? also since u asked the question i’m assuming u have a fav form and i’m now rlly interested in finding out what it is lol

goodnight!❤️ (or good morning if ur seeing this in the morning since i’m answering this at midnight lol)

[duhragonball]

For the Ask Game: Son Goku

Give me a character and I will answer:

Why I like them: Goku is the main character in Dragon Ball Z, an anime that I have enjoyed tremendously for over 20 years.  He kicks aliens really fast and hard, and he eats wolves and bugs and clouds, and he’s very cool and good.   

That may sound kind of basic, maybe even borderline sarcastic, but I’m not sure how else to put it.    I’ve gotten so used to liking Goku that it’s hard to articulate why.   

Like, okay, you know that one episode during the Cell Games, where he’s gonna pick apples from his favorite apple tree?   And he does the special karate punch that makes the apples all fall out of the branches without really hurting the tree?    In the dub, he says to the tree “Ready for one more round, old timer?”  Or something like that, and then after he hits it, he’s like “See?  That didn’t hurt a bit.”  I’m not getting the lines right, but you get the idea.    That’s some choice Goku right there.    He’s friends with that tree!   

Why I don’t: hE gAvE mOrO a SeNzU bEaN-- ha ha just kidding, but can you imagine not liking Goku?   Because of something he did in some horseshit fancomic that doesn’t even count?

Lately, I’ve been hearing a lot of guff from people about Goku showing mercy to his enemies.   This is humorous to me, because I’d bet you dollars to donuts that they’re fans of Vegeta and/or Piccolo, and that only happened because Goku decided to have mercy on their stank asses.    “Well I like Vegeta because he kills people.”  He only gets to do that because Goku allowed him to live.    Best Green Dad doesn’t happen without Goku, period, end of sentence, new paragraph.   

I’m not a lore expert like that guy on Twitter who only watched DBZ Abridged, but here’s some cool trivia for you: Cell could have self-destructed and destroyed the Earth at any time.    It literally does not matter that Goku gave Cell a senzu bean before Gohan fought him, because Cell would have done the same thing no matter who beat him or how.     If Gohan had wiped him out quickly, that nucleus would have survived and regenerated, and he would come back even stronger.   The senzu bean just delayed the inevitable outcome, and not even by that much, because Cell wasn’t that worn out in the first place.   The whole thing with the senzu bean was Goku playing headgames with Cell and no one seems to understand that but me.   

But what about Moro, you ask?   Hey, come here.  

Closer.    No, closer.   

Listen to me.   I love you, okay?    But the Dragon Ball Super manga isn’t canon.   Hating Goku over something he did in Super is like hating Superman for something he did in a Mad Magazine bit.      

“Blargle blargle he doesn’t kiss his wife bad father, tournament of power--” I super mega don’t care about any of these ice cold takes.      Every day I go on YouTube and it recommends me the dirt worst Star Wars commentary videos.   “Maybe the SITH were actually the GOOD GUYS and the JEDI were the BAD GUYS!  Huh?  Did I just BLOW your MIND?   Be sure to like and subscribe!”  Every dope with a keyboard seems to think they can flip the script and pretend they’re some kind of genius.    “Thanos was right!”  “Magneto was right!” “Dr. Doom was right!” “Antifa are the real fascists when you stop and think about it!”  “Masks and vaccines are bullshit, COVID-19 is a hoax, but if it were real, maybe it’s the good guy in this situation!”

I didn’t mean to go off on a rant here, but the whole point of Goku is that he’s a pretty cool guy, and the hero of his particular adventure, and you see all these people trying to outsmart that somehow, like it’s not the premise of the character.   It’s like all those fan theories about how every show is really one character having a coma dream in the hospital.    It’s fake-deep, like when Will Smith’s kid goes on the internet and says something like “Water isn’t wet when you stop and think about it.”  

I’m not saying everyone has to like Goku, but I don’t get the hate-boner people have for him.    I don’t like cole slaw, it’s soggy and insipid and I don’t understand it, but I don’t go around trying to convince people it’s not made out of cabbage.  

Anyway, Goku’s awesome. 

Favorite episode (scene if movie): It’s hard to choose, but DBZ #248 always fucks me up.   I looked it up in my liveblog archive to get the episode number right, and the first line of that post: This one always fucks me up.

Moving on.

Favorite season/movie: In Dragon Ball terms, I guess this refers to the sagas, so I’ll go with Cell Games.    Goku goes into the battle with this flawed, touch-and-go plan, and it works.    He defeats perfection with imperfection, and it’s glorious.  

Favorite line: “What I represent can never be destroyed,” is one of the most metal lines ever uttered, anywhere.   It’s a threat and a moral lesson all in one.   

Favorite outfit: Two answers for this one.  

Shu’s outfit in the Fortuneteller Baba Saga was awesome.    I used to wear yellow T-shirts to work, so when I put on my blue labcoat I would see myself in the restroom mirror and think: yeaaaaahhhhhh.

I’m also big into Goku’s look during the Cell Games, classic orange outfit, blue shirt, with the Super Saiyan form ready to go.    That may sound obvious, since this is kind of Goku’s default look, but it takes a while to get all of this together.  For me, it was a big deal to see Goku in action as a Super Saiyan in his standard fighting gear, because the whole time he was SSJ on Namek his shirt was ruined.   Against Gero and 19 he was sick, but starting with the Cell Games, we get him fresh as a daisy, and it’s worth the wait.   Harder to stealth cosplay, though.

OTP: Gochi.   Come on.    I don’t even care that much about ships, but they’re adorable on the show, and the internet backlash against Gochi only intensifies my defiance.   

Brotp: I wrote a fanfic with Goku and Yamcha just joyriding in the desert, and that seemed pretty awesome, so maybe we need more of that.   

I dunno, maybe I’m giving this to Bulma.   They don’t get a ton of screen time together after a certain point in the show, but the bond between them is this really sublime thing.    In the same fanfic, I wrote Bulma and Goku interacting, and that was just a pleasure to write.

Head Canon: I think Goku being an alien orphan matters more to him than he lets on.   Early on, he knew he had parents but he didn’t know why they left him in the woods.   Pretty much every interaction he has with the outside world is about him being different.   Then he finds out he’s a Saiyan and all the Saiyans hate him for being weak and sentimental and so on.   He can kick all their asses, but that doesn’t make him any less of an outcast.   

I think becoming a Super Saiyan is a bigger deal to him than he lets on.   That moment kind of serves as this unspoken proof that there’s more to being a “true” Saiyan than Vegeta, Nappa, and Raditz ever knew.   That maybe, if his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great granny could see him, she might approve.

Unpopular opinion:

Yukio Ebisawa is underrated. 

A wish: I always wanted to see Goku style on Broly ‘93.   It seemed unfair to me that they kept bringing Broly back, and even teased a rematch with Goku in Movie 11, only to not deliver on it.    I wanted Goku to turn Super Saiyan 2 and Broly’d be all “oh noes!” and Goku would look at him and be all “Yeah.   What now, bitch?    That green shit won’t cut it anymore.”

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: I think my darkest fear about the Dragon Ball franchise is that it’ll get bastardized like Superman, where some giant multimedia corporation owns it, has no idea how to tell new stories with it, and refuses to let it lapse into the public domain.   I have no idea how public domain works in Japan, but “Disney Toei’s Dragon Ball KH” doesn’t sit well with me.    Hopefully I’ll be dead by the time that happens.  

Like, Rise of Skywalker wasn’t that bad.   But it did lead me to worry that they really have no idea how to make Star Wars work.    They got it right enough, but the part where Rose is going to stay and guard the base or whatever, it just made me realize they’re only guessing, and they just happen to guess right often enough to succeed.   And it’s not like you can jump over to some other studio and see how they handle a Star Wars movie.

5 words to best describe them: Ain’t nothin’ to fuck with.

My nickname for them: Geeko.    Ha ha, just kidding.  

[nad-zeta]

Match up (ㆁᴗㆁ✿)

Hi! Could I get an IkeSen match-up please?? 😭I’m a 5'2.5" female (INFJ), I’ve got hazel eyes, a couple of ear piercings & shoulder length dark brown hair (though I had it deep purple when I could actually get it done before COVID). Career-wise I’m a graphic designer (as I’ve always loved the different arts and creative fields, be it classical art, interior design, fashion, music, dance) and on the non-art side I’ve always loved the social sciences like history, philosophy and psychology/sociology! I’m always learning & evolving my idea of the human condition, human nature, and the psychology of the masses. I also especially love logic games & puzzles and crack them quickly. (Though Math is lifelong enemy #1 no cap sorry Issac). I tend to take a while to properly open up to people and feel quite shy at first, though I’ve amazingly had people tell me I come off as chill and confident (even somewhat intimidating) even if on the inside I didn’t quite feel that way 😅 (useful right?). I definitely tend to observe and analyze people/situations before going in, though even if I’m thrown into something I’m great at thinking on my feet and getting things back under control. Alternatively, when with friends I’m very animated, open, loud, and always throwing out the jokes to raise the energy and have a good time! (Catch me watching & spam sending meme compilations at 3AM even though I know people are already asleep) It just takes me a while to make that transition and connection on that deeper level before I open up (I’m talking months here 😭) I’m a Virgo/Leo cusp with a Sagittarius moon and a Taurus Rising, so I definitely have a strong presence of both earth/fire energy. In professional situations or with people I’m not familiar with the Earth energy comes out, and with close friends or when I’m in my element I love to indulge in the fire. I guess you can say I crave both order and freedom… which feels so divisive LOL. Though I always seem to be drawn to things that are polar opposites in many aspects of life, so that’s nothing new to me. I flip between “the world is great and life is good” and “the world is cruel and we suffer with no purpose” on a daily basis like it’s my job. Though I don’t think life having no purpose is be a bad thing, it means you’re free to execute your own will. I believe good an evil are both within humanity’s callings (and our world certainly reflects it), but personally I’d rather try to add to the good than despair about the bad. A quote that’s always resonated with me and sums that concept up is “What is more noble? To be born good, or to contradict your evil nature through sheer effort and power of will?” Thank you for your time!! I really enjoy your work and am excited to see what you come up with! Though honestly no hard feelings if you aren’t feeling up to it 😁😁((Admin Maru - this acc has 2 admins so I thought I should specify Lol))

Hi hi Dear!❤🌻 thank you so much for the request and sorry for taking soooooo long!❤🌻 Aww u make me blush😳, i’m so happy you have been enjoying these match ups and i hope you have a super good day! ❤😊🌼 Also, i’m always up to write a matchup as long as yall dont mind waiting for my slow writings skills! 😳🐇🦊hehe anyways here is ya matchup Admin Maru! @sengoku-revolution​

So I match you with……….. Mitsuhide

The first thing Mitsuhide noticed about you was your hazel green eyes observing him from the corner of the room. 

You had just been dragged back to the castle and named as the Oda princess. After Nobunaga made the declaration, you were guided to your seat in the council room. You looked at all the unfamiliar faces around you, but one man in particular, caught your eyes. He reminded you of a puzzle that you desperately wanted to solve, with this whispy mysterious air about him. You sat there and stared at him until his gaze lifted and he locked eyes with you. You panic for a second not expecting him to look up, so you shyly averted your eyes with a small smile. 

When the war council was over, it was Mitsunari who first approached you to strike up a conversation. You were rather shy, so you didn’t say much, and soon Masamune was beside Mitsunari asking you all sorts of random questions. You almost laughed at a comment that Masamune had made, “why you so quiet all of a sudden lass, cat got your tongue. What happened to that chilled confident lass from moments ago eyeing everyone in the council room.” That’s when Ieyasu piped up approaching you as well, “chilled and confident,” he scoffed, “more like scary and intimidating, no wonder Hideyoshi thinks she is a spy.” At the mention of his name, Hideyoshi too joined the group eyeing you suspiciously, he, did, not, trust, you. 

Finally, someone came to your aid and rescue, to save you from the overwhelming group of warlords. Mitsuhide reached into the crowd and grabbed your hand, pulling you as he walked away. He smiled his snek like smile at the confused look on his fellow warlords faces as he led you out of the room.

He showed you around the castle while observing you for any signs or proof that you were, in fact, an assassin or spy. But he found none; instead, he found a shy reserved little mouse, who was too shy to even meet his eyes. Finally after a long day of touring around the castle Mitsuhide showed you to your new room. He bid you good night, with a kiss on the hand and left.

The next day you started to help out all the castle staff, you didn’t want to just sit around and do nothing. So you opted to help out the maids, and deliver messages for Nobunaga. Hideyoshi still didn’t trust you, but that all changed one day. 

You were sitting with all the warlords in the banquet hall, people watching and observing the world around you, when something caught your attention. You saw a glint of something coming from the corner of the room. You narrowed your eyes and tried to focus on it to get a better look, when your heart suddenly stopped. It was an arrow that was aimed right for Nobunaga. Thank the lucky stars for your observational skills, as it gave you time to get up and jump right in front of its path right before it could hit Nobunaga. To be fair, it may not have been the best plan, but it was the best one you could come up with thinking on your feet. The arrow embedded itself in your arm and before you could even say anything, the warlords had the attacker surrounded. Hideyoshi was going to scold you for pushing his lord, but when he saw the blood dripping down and arrow embedded in your arm, he realized that you had yet again saved his lord’s life and that you were no enemy.

Surprisingly enough it was Mitsuhide who was at your side in seconds, picking you up and taking you back to your room to patch you up. None of you spoke as he gently treated your wound. Each of you were lost in your own world. He had noticed from watching you, that you were quite a naïve and trusting creature. You hadn’t yet been tainted by the cruel realities of this world. He felt this overwhelming need to want to protect you and get to know you better.After he patched you up, he went over to Nobunaga and asked to become your teacher to help you survive the turbulent times, cause it was clear from the incident that you had 0 self-preservation skills. 

The next day Mitsuhide made his way up to your room to give you, your first lesson, when he spotted you immersed in your art. He stood beside you and watched you design a kimono. It was absolutely stunning, he was awestruck at your talents. Once the sketch was done, you looked up and saw Mitsuhide sitting beside you, in your shock, you fell back. Perfect opportunity for Mitsuhide to take hold of your sketchbook and page through it. He was shook, you were truly a talented little thing. He then turned back to you and offered you a hand up to sit closer so he could start his lesson. And when you saw the books he had brought you unconsciously made a big sigh. Out of all the topics Mitsuhide had set out to teach you about, why was math one of them. He laughed, as you pouted at the thought of having to sit through a maths lecture. 

Despite your hate for math, thankfully, your school taught you well, and you breezed through the lesson. When Mitsuhide came to the stopping point for the day, he made the two of you some tea. He knew there was more to you than that shy exterior, and he was determined to get to know the little mouse within a little bit better. 

Everyday Mitsuhide came by your room, to teach you about various topics and subjects, ranging from economics to self-defence. It had been about a month of these lessons, and with each one, you started getting more and more comfortable around the Kitsune. He was a kind and patient teacher and would explain concepts over and over again until you understood them.

Mitsuhide got a full glimpse of your true personality when he taught you about the human condition, human nature, and the psychology of the masses. His eyes widened in surprise when he saw the glimmer of excitement in yours. That day you had actually been the one to teach sneki boy some stuff, as these were topics that you knew a fair amount on. The two of you sat for hours and hours chatting about social sciences, and you loved every moment of it. Mitsuhide enjoyed this new side of you, chatting freely about the things that interested you and honestly your smile was simply just too radiant to look at. 

In the weeks that followed your lesson with Mitsu ended, but his daily visits didn’t. He had successfully made that transition from acquaintance to a friend as the two of you connected on a deeper level. The more you revealed to him, the more he fell in love with you and vice versa. He loved how you were just so expressive and adored your loud, animated side. He could sit for hours and hours just watching and listening to you, tell stories. As you would tell them in the most curious of ways.

He loved it when you would deliver letters to him and then stay for tea. Often these tea dates lasted well into the night, as the two of you flung teasing comments and jokes at each other. Some night the conversation was more deep and serious, but other night the two of you would just be crackheads at 3am, joking and chatting about the most random of topics. Often you would catch yourself mid-laugh and just think about how much you loved this sneki boi. To the world, the two of you were mysterious, reserved, but together your true personalities came out, and you could be yourselves. 

Mitsuhide loved how you just raised the energy in any room you walked into. You managed to brighten even the dullest of situations with your chaotic, playful energy. And Mitsuhide low key loved that he was to only one that got to see it, as you were still a tiny bit shy with the other warlords.

Mitsuhide had long ago fallen in love with you, but the day he knew you were truly the one for him was when you were out in the market shopping. He had spotted you buying some fabric for your latest project, and of course, he couldn’t let an opportunity to tease you go by. As he approached, he overheard you debating with some soldiers. They were badmouthing Mitsuhide, calling him an evil man and saying that he was better off dead. You knew of Mitsuhide’s past, and you knew the mask he showed the world, but you had also seen the true Mitsuhide. The kind kitsune that always tried his hardest to keep his friends and family safe, even if that meant turning himself into a bad guy. You squared your shoulders and repeated a quote that had always resonated with you to the ignorant soldiers, “"Tell me then, what is more noble? To be born good, or to contradict your evil nature through sheer effort and power of will?” That statement left the men speechless. Mitsuhide then came up behind you, scaring the soldier away, they knew better than to trash talk Mitsuhide to his face. Mitsuhide then gently took your hand in his, and took you out for some tea, where he asked you about the quote as it too had resonated with him.

When Mitsuhide found out you loved logic games and puzzles, he knew he had found his soulmate. At this point, sneki boi was head over heels for you, and he was determined to make his feelings known. He decided to confess his feelings using a puzzle box and a logic game for you to play. It was based on a series of puzzles and riddles that you needed to solve. 

It started the moment you walked into Mitsuhide’s manor to drop off some letters. You were greeted by a snow-white fox and a letter attached to its collar. You solved puzzle after puzzle and riddle after riddle. Eventually, you were lead to a flower field just outside of town, thank goodness for Mitsuhide teaching you how to ride, otherwise that would have been a painfully long walk. You rode to the big sakura tree surrounded by flowers that you and Mitsuhide had ridden to on one of your first outrides. 

As you approach the tree, you saw a big gift wrapped up in delicate paper at the base of the tree. You slowly opened it, to reveal a puzzle box. It took you a few minutes, but you finally managed to solve the puzzle to reveal a small bell-flower on the inside and a note, “Look up.” 

You looked up to see another gift hidden between the pink petal of the tree. Again thankful for one of Mitsuhide’s various lessons, you carefully climbed up the tree and opened the present to reveal a kimono. Still, not just any kimono, it was the one that Mitsuhide had watched you sketch that very first day. Your eyes started tearing up at the kind gesture. You lifted the soft fabric up and down fell one final note, “I congratulate you for completing all the puzzles little one.” It was a long letter confessing all Mitsuhide’s undying love for you. It also stated that if you felt the same way, then he would be at the festivals gate waiting for you and if not than…. You didn’t read the last part as you had long ago fallen in love with the Kitsune. You raced back to town where the festival was being held and standing by the entrance of the festival was Mitsuhide, just as promised. You wasted no time running and tackling him into a big hug.

The more Mitsuhide discovered about you, the more he loved you. He loved that you loved the arts as much as he did. 

He loved to pull you into his arms and dance with you for hours and hours. He knew you loved to dance and music, so if you were feeling down, he would play you a song or dance for you. This always seemed to bring a smile to your face especially when he would pull you in and start dancing with you, and if you resisted he would tickle you until that bright, radiant smile that he loves so much is back on your face.

Mitsuhide definitely found it amusing that you would switch between “the world is great, and life is good” to “the world is cruel, and we suffer from no purpose.” Though whichever day you are having, he would be by your side to love and support you. He would make those better days even better, and on the days when you feel the world is cruel, he would wrap you up in his arms and protect you from the harsh world. 

He enjoyed debating with you on the topic of humanity and good and evil. He loved to hear your opinions and thoughts on all of it. He agreed with your resolution about adding more good to the world then despair. 

Often you and Mitsuhide can be found nestled in each other’s arms in deep conversation as he spends hours and hours playing with your hair. You have brought a sense of purpose to this boys life, and that is to execute his will to protect and love you for the rest of his days. 

When the two of you are together, the room is always filled with endless laughs and teasing comments. You better be ready to travel all around with Mitsuhide as now that he has caught you he will never let you go. Trapping you in his arms and showering you with endless amounts of love and adoration for the rest of your lives

Other potential matches……………….. Yoshimoto 

I hope you enjoyed this dear and I hope you have a super good day!🦊❤🌻

[lucidpantone]

Skam fr, s8 vs wtfock, s4 anon: a miscalculation only part caused my msg to be lost, bc yes, Skam fr is on it's 3rd remake. My point was that there was a no. of posts in the skam fr tag, several of which were tagged in wtfock's tag also, that claimed skam fr s8 supremacy over wtfock s4. I was attempting to make the point that they should never be compared bc the manner in which they came about was so diff, with wtfock suffering w all the disadvantages that make it an uneven playing field

Anon I think you mean skam fr s7 supremacy. Ughhhh I kinda of disagree & agree. Skamfrance s7 is better there is no doubt about that. Like just directing and writing style overall is better. Yes time was a huge issue for wtFOCK s4. So taking in mind that time was tight and they were going to attempt to plan and write an original season in less time then a OG season you would think the head honchos of wtFOCK would have been like lets get a season script writer who has experience writing under pressure to either write the season or come help the intern and Bram (since Bram wasn’t as available) but they were like nope lets let our intern with no prior professional solo script writing experience write our first original season. Like that decisions within itself basically doomed s4. Skam france did have the luxury of time but I also think technically speaking they also have a better workflow they have a large writing room with several different writers that bounce off one another for plot ideas and thats out of the box for their production thats just how skamfr works even during Baguette days. Secondly whoever is skamfr casting director knows how to spot talent. I mean the last few mains have been outstanding actors and their squads are so good and always have really good chemistry. Something once again wtFOCK s4 lacked. The lead didn’t have the chops to carry the season and was such a departure from the previous mains skills that it was glaring and honestly uncomfortable to watch. 

This wasn't a timing issue either this was wtFOCK not prioritizing acting skills versus appearance particularly the appearance of a main who would need to sell sponsorships. They selected a main off their looks and it burned them because their selection didn’t not have the acting skills to pull off the season. Even tho Noa was right there and had put in 3 seasons of acting work and wtFOCK knew he had the skill to main a season. Lastly both seasons went in with a new director, new writer and new main but skamfr it appears to me that the director and the writers had prior experience working together and held each others skills in high esteem because once again they are all seasoned at their job. The wtFOCK writer and director were both first timers(at this production scale) during the s4 season. They had worked with one another before but in completely different roles in which both people weren't the ones making the big decisions. To me what I see on film translates to either the writer and director not understanding one another or simply a lack chemistry or bond ever really forming. To me it feels like the writing and directing are at war with one another and what translates on screen is non-sensical plot.This I will say has some impact from covid but it goes back to my first original point which wasnt covid related which was why did wtFOCK hire a non-experienced writer to write a script that out the gate already had a short timeline attached to it and covid restricted? The directing choice of Bente could be a mistake or just poor chemistry but I dont know what happened because to me lets take out the repetitive locations just the overall pace made no sense. It was soooo bizarre. I have literally never seen something as disorganized as the directing of wtFOCK s4 in any Skam. So lastly, yes covid impacted production, and yes both skamfr and druck had longer periods of time to work in covid safety measures but to me covid isn’t the issue. If you noticed in Druck’s Nora season we spend so much time with her alone at her apt. Clip after clip but tho repetitive the clips inform us of Nora’s state and her loneliness. This could have been done with Kato just spent clips inside her room showing us her talking to her family. Maybe them consuming right wing media. Making prejudice comments to contextualize Kato but instead we got make out clips that were so bizarre and provided no plot and also like covid people. Stop sharing germs but yea tho I agree covid made things hard. Covid and time is not why wtFOCK didn’t succeed. wtFOCK’s ego and unwillingness to listen from the jump (instead of changing the script while it aired) is why they didn’t succeed. Even now I am sure they wish they would have main-ed Moyo but they knew from the beginning he was what the fans wanted and didn’t listen and it blew up in their faces. To me its not about comparing remakes its about comparing remakes against their own quality and skamfr always had the talent just not the script and looks like they finally found decent script writers. wtFOCK also had the talent but the script was always very shaky and in s4 the bottom finally gave out and the script and talent collapsed. Anyways Listen to the fans remakes(am applying this to skamfr too because like Tiff is still such a troublesome selection). Yes sometimes the stans are annoying and relentless but other times they are actually looking out for you.

[ophexis]

I made kind of a big deal last year about doing better this year but tbh the only thing i did more is disappointing myself sdfsg

I don’t rly expect anything better from myself for next year, but I hope everybody else gets to have a much better year.

I did move out to my first appartment last march, and at least that went well. The moving itself was smooth. We had a bed bug scare, which was awful, but thankfully ended up being nothing even if it was a lot of money thrown to the wind. But now we’re comfy and despite everything we haven’t had any issues, and I still have a job and I’m safely working from home.

I managed to avoid covid, despite living in quebec’s no1 hot spot. I’ve barely gotten out of my appartment except to get mail at the drugstore. My mom’s been working retail since the begining and its a miracle she hasn’t caught it but I’m so glad because she does not deserve this. Both my parents are ok but I wish I could’ve seen them for christmas. All my friends seem ok too. I really want to go to the restaurants with them again.

My job performance went to shit but I still have it, at least. I got on the project I wanted to be on instead of MK but it hasn’t been enjoyable at all due to a lot of things out of my control. Couldn’t get my level up despite the 4 years of experience and leads having nothing negative to say about me, so at this point I think I’m just gonna be stuck at being considered only one step above a new employee forever. it’s been rly hard working everyday.

I started suspecting I may have ADHD, but theres nothing I can do about it, which is frustrating. I’m on a waiting list for a doctor, and therapists need doctor recommendations, especially adhd specialists. Probably won’t have a doctor ‘till next year, so I get to wonder how the hell I’m gonna weasel my way thru the next year. Idk if it’s the working from home, or the isolation of being here everyday since march but I feel like the biggest fuckin idiot and I just notice way more of my fuckups than i used to and its frustrating as hell. Even if I do get to talk to someone, the idea od talking to a therapist about my dumb feelings fill me with more anxiety than anything so I don’t know how im gonna do this. I’ve never talked out loud to someone face to face about my feelings. and if they end up being shitty im gonna have to go thru the whole process again. i tried looking up tips and whatnot but tbh I haven’t been able to focus on rearranging my life around potential adhd so idk. I cant get started on anything.

I’m having variably bad back pain and what i assume is the occasional sciatica flareup, but not much I can do about again as I don’t have a doctor and I’m not familiar with local chiropractors here and well covid is a thing. i could barely walk yesterday which ws the worst i ever had and im not sure how that one happened, but it seems better today

I tried drawing more, I think in a way I did, but I’m still increadibly unhappy with my art and it’s hard. I hate all of it. 

I got ring fit adventure and managed to play daily for a month, and now its hard, which is again frustrating, like, why am i like this.

i dont have any hopes or goals for my future and i dont rly know who i am anymore. and i dont rly know what i want to do so im just existing around, playing ffxiv and animal crossing and trying to get thru my work days. I’m looking forward to Monster Hunter Rise which looks like its gonna have the life that mhw was lacking, so thats gonna be nice at least.

im excited for the new star wars stuff announced. anything thats made by favreau and filoni should be excellent. rly excited for the Taika Waititi movie, it should be a nice good breath of fresh air in the franchise like the mandalorian was. I’ve been playing swtor too and made unsurprisingly no progress on my irl mando armor.

so yea that was lil ole me. I didnt post a lot this year cuz tbh i havent done anything. But I hope y’all managed to have some good things happen to you in 2020, and I truly hope the next year will be better, even if thats not quite how things go, but I hope you can all find some good things.

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issues 4&5

its delphi time babey

I'm sorry but drift & co look like such fuckin nerds on their scooter things on the cover lmaooo

oh god. seeing the first page just reminded me of how horribly confused i was for this whole little arc the first time i read it. i was like ok, who are all these new characters, and also why does everyone look so similar

anyways now i now what's going on. i love first aid

love the running continuity of rung being the literal only psychologist on cybertron (except for fr*id but that's later). no wonder everyone's fucked up they all have to share a single therapist 

ok i find it extremely funny that first aid was demoted from doctor to nurse, as if that's a thing that happens EVER - I mean it'd be one thing if first aid was a nurse practitioner (which i doubt is a position that exists here), at least that demotion would make sense, but like...the doctors i work with don't know how to do most nurse stuff (like BP, cathing, vaccinations, hell even using some of the thermometers - that's all stuff nurses/etc do), so demoting one to a nurse would be a disaster (just like promoting a really good nurse to a doctor would be a bad idea). anyways i know I'm being pedantic but it Be like that when you work in the medical field and read something that has medicine-related stuff in it

i love swerve giving ratchet the tiniest free drink ever lmaooo

is that skids being a rowdy drunk in the bg lmaoooo

unironically i love medical statistics. keep it comin

i love magnus’s giant sternal chestpiece thing. its like a bird’s sternum but without the massive pec muscles attached 

i love magnus and rodimus’s dynamic so much

oh pipes....im so sorry but this fun space adventure is going to be not so much fun for you

ratchets ideologies are certainly interesting, and i liked seeing how they changed over the course of the story

drift: why would i be SCARED of the DJD, I've got a SWORD, two swords even,

hvbhajkhfbsdjkf pipes really said ‘oi, you two - what's this, then?’ that's the most british fucking thing, that's literally something i say when I'm doing an overexaggerated british accent, oh my god,

PIPES IS SUCH A TINY DUMBASS. ILY SIR BUT WHAT ARE YOU DOING

aaaand now you're covered in dead bodies, pipes. look at your life, look at your choices

drift epic sword moments

drift confirmed for the kinda weird guy who has katanas that he uses to like, cut up fruit and water bottles in his backyard while rodimus films him

‘i thought i heard...bickering’ lmaooooo

ah, so its covid

this arc is how i feel working in healthcare lmaooo especially now that i probably have covid 

so rewind condensed the entire war into an 11 second long cringe compilation. nice

seeing the mechanical stuff past tailgate’s visor is so cool

poor tailgate, this guy is getting slammed with history from multiple sides. and like, bias is inevitable in ANY sort of recounting of events, especially controversial historical events, so poor tg just kinda has to take it all in and decide who to listen to 

that’s...not really how immunity works, guys. also, you shouldn't be exposed to so much disease with proper ppe usage

is there even such thing as ppe in the transformers universe?? there are fluid- and contact-transmitted illnesses, so there SHOULD be

is there even OSHA in this universe??????? unbelievable 

first aid, holding a giant fucking claw clamp: we haven't tried EVERYTHING............

first aid read a human wikihow article on how to jumpstart a car and took notes 

i love tailgate’s ‘mom says its my turn on the xbox’ pose 

tailgate has a point - he’s from pre-war times, where things weren't as grey so of course he would try to divide the two sides into ‘good guys’ and ‘bad guys’

CYCLONUS BE NICE DONT HIT UR FUTURE HUSBAND

go get some character development and then maybe you'll feel better

seeing the word quarantine is making me twitchy w/my possible month-long complete isolation quarantine on the horizon

drift pulling his swords on pipes and ratchet pushing down drift’s arms...lmao

poor pipes...even tho this is completely his fault, its still rough

also jesus, pharma and ratchet look so goddamn similar, reading this was so confusing the first time around 

drifts idea of subduing pipes involves turning into a cool car and also posing with his sword

also. never gonna be over drift’s massive thighs. jesus man

ooof now drift has the rona. ouch 

poor drift, his covid realization is getting overshadowed by pharma being flung around

first aid bustin thru w/the epic medical nipple clamps and some Big Boi Backup

ok that's an epic pre-beatdown speech from fort max right there, daym 

im just gonna continue on w/issue 5 now for continuity’s sake. yay!

the cover of tailgate in magnus’s autobot school is so cute

and we open with an incredible shot of fort max str8 up ripping a guy in half. i mean, to be fair, he DID just give an epic speech about how much he was gonna do that, and he certainly followed thru

yeahhhhh, fort max is not doing so well atm

when he puts that dudes head in his chest vent thing and then snaps it shut....man 

also i fucking LOVE when their faces are shaded all in black w/only the eyes/mouth fully drawn...fantastic stuff

ratchet: phew i am not equipped to deal w/this level of Fucked Up Mental Trauma. u good m8?

ratchet is already writing up a referral to rung for fort max as this is happening

drift is just laying on the ground dying like, oh hey yeahh I'm still here too 

i fucking love when punctuation is drawn in story - like here where first aid has a little ? over his head....fav

ratchet holding drifts hand ;_; 

ok tbh ambulon having switched sides 10 yrs ago is wild bc like, 10 years is barely any time for these guys, especially in a war that lasted 4 million years. that would be like a human switching sides in a war like, 3 months before it ends. probably. i sense some math bs, I'm just extrapolating here

all that mexican standoff shit is going down and first aid is just like But That's None Of My Business

ah so ambulon is an asymptomatic carrier 

and there's first aid with the save! iconic

pharma calling ratchet ‘buddy’ hbvakjdsbfhkasdf

ooooh i love that they figured it out - and i love that twist, that transforming is what triggers the start of symptoms. remember when drift turned into a cool car? yep

s/o to Ambulon Transformers for helping me in my medical terminology courses, bc now ill always remember: Leg(tm)

also this explanation makes a ton more sense (in universe, at least) than the whole ‘i guess we as medical staff have been exposed to enough Germz that we’re more immune to this or something’ theory 

ah, i love the meaningless (to me) alien robot medical jargon 

drift and ratchet hhhhhhhhh

‘I'm too wide’ fort max L O R G E

also once again drift is forgotten in favor of a bunch of other dramatic stuff happening vbhjksdfbjhskdf

godddd i love tailgates little flashbacks where we see how Important and Special he is, complete with his ‘bomb disposal’ arm label...augh its so good! 

and tailgate’s autopedia page even reflects his lies! like, did tailgate go edit that first thing upon waking up??? seriously, I'm fascinated by tailgate’s meticulous dedication to his fake life

also the fact that ultra magnus believes everything he read on autopedia is amazing lmao

ultra magnus: you think somebody would just go on the internet and tell lies? 

fuckgin love magnus’s long ass name/title placard 

tailgate hvbahjkdfbjhaskf i mean, he’s gotten the abridged version of everything else, of course he would assume that’d be the case here too...but not on magnus’s watch

magnus cant even say ‘fun’ hvukdasdbjfkjsadf i love my uptight law dad

love rung implying that upon questioning, he would easily divulge a patient’s name and maybe even information about said patient’s treatment while under him....love the disregard for patient confidentiality and hipaa in general 

not that hipaa seems to exist here, at least not in a fully realized form 

also i mean the above genuinely, i think rung’s tendency towards at least slight malpractice is very interesting 

poor red alert....super bad luck that HE was the guy to get roped up in that overlord business 

I'm glad that, at the very least, red alert was able to prove that he was Actually hearing something to rung, rather than get brushed off completely 

god magnus and tailgate’s interactions are golden 

also tg is much more sarcastic/quippy than anyone gives him credit for tbh

‘thought warfare,’ ultra magnus says with complete seriousness. god i fucking love this comic

now i can tell pharma apart from ratchet bc pharma has let his true Petty Bitch nature emerge and you can see it in his expressions

the whole ‘tarn is addicted to transforming’ thing didn't really go anywhere, right? i feel like i noticed that on my second readthru as well 

also pharma is such an interesting character given the context of him like, trying to strike a bargain w/the djd to keep them from destroying delphi, but that arrangement inevitably kinda making him lose it as the situation escalates. he’s also just really entertaining bc i feel like he kins the joker or st and probably gets into really heated arguments w/people on twitter about just abt anything

‘sound bomb’ i love this comic

another important facet of pharma’s character becomes clear around this time as well - how he’s really into ratchet. i also choose to read them as awful exes tbh, it makes their dynamic even more entertaining

‘killmaster, with the wand’ is one of my favorite running remarks lmao

also, was killmaster even a character before mtmte? or, if he was, was he an important one? it would crack me up the most if he literally didn't exist at all, but any way you spin it is still funny 

ratchet’s tiny humansona facing off against pharma is wild

‘I'm miles from anyone i truly care about’ brutal, ratchet, drift is dying like 2 floors away (im p sure)

SUDDENLY DRIFT IS HERE, ACTUALLY 

oh don't worry first aid, that sure isn't the last we’ll be seeing of pharma 

so like, did first aid save everyone by posting that data log to his wreckers fan blog or something? lmao love it 

i love the pretty fucked up reveal of ratchet having stolen pharma’s hands. like, damn dude. 

and that wraps up the delphi arc! our first true ‘arc’ of mtmte, and a fantastic one at that. short and snappy and fresh, with some very clever writing and cool new characters, and a lot of great plot threads to be picked up later. plus, we got to see the beginnings of drift and ratchet’s whole thing (and ratchet and pharmas whole thing). and the lost light gets some much needed extra medical staff, so everyone wins! 

well, we’ll see how fort max feels about this all pretty soon.....

[skelffricat]

Good grief, Charlie Brown.

I’ve never owned an electric toothbrush. I’ve never had a dishwasher. I am the dishwasher. I like washing dishes. I never bought an iron. I don’t have a hairdryer. I find it strange that I get advertised these reusable alternatives for things that I never use anyway. Alternatives to cling film. I put another plate over the dish. Alternatives to cotton buds. I use my finger. (Ew, you may say, but surely a finger’s that size to fit in ears and nostrils? Or whatever orifice you please. Wash your hawnds.) Alternatives to cotton wool circles. What? I dont know why these thoughts have come into my head, when I want to write about my youngest child. Really, I’m meant to be working, but an annoying email from my dead daughter’s school sent me down a suicide rabbithole. Perhaps those other thoughts come about as my classic brain avoidance schemes. Like when you hoover instead of doing an essay. Positive procrastination, I used to call it. I wanted to visit some friends last night- a fun thing! but I was feeling all solitary and awkward. I cleaned the bathroom ceiling at first, instead! I had to really talk myself into going to see them. I was looking at my bed and it was saying, “Get into me! and read your book!”

Then I went, and I had a lovely time, of course. I still finished the book I was reading, when I got home at midnight, until three am, making myself ever so tired. I’ve stopped taking the tablets- beta blockers and mirtazapine (more by accident rather than design. They’re still up in the chemist waiting for me. I’m rather disorganised) and so sleep doesn’t come as readily. I have to take deep breaths for ages sometimes, to get over. And I awake in the night hearing things that aren’t there. I heard The Woodcarver calling me, one night, plain and loud as day. Another time, I heard my son knocking my door three times, sharply (or was it a burglar? I said that to someone and they laughed. Burglars don’t knock! Oh, hello there, wake up, I’m robbing you blind!) Bounced out of bed. Heart hammering. Called him. He was fast asleep. Was it her ghost? I don’t believe in ghosts, really. Kind of wish I did. She’d be a mischievous one, no doubt. Is it always 5:57am, when I awake? The same time. Time to find your dead child. 

I’m often in the house alone, now. They didn’t want to leave me alone, and there were so many people in the house, for ages. Then all of a sudden, it stopped. And I changed lovers... I changed to the one I’d been in love with for over a year, the one who seemed too young, the one who wasn’t interested. Suddenly he was interested. Well. It wasn’t sudden. It took a few weeks. Seven weeks? The seven week itch? It coincided with when the Scottish lover asked me to stop letting other people come to the house. He wanted me to himself. Which is kind of fair enough, though I knew it wouldn’t last anyway. (People coming to my house, I mean, not the relationship. I really enjoyed having a relationship with him. He is very sweet, funny, intelligent, and kind. The sex was great. He can cook wonderful food and play guitar well. I liked to sing with him. I am ashamed to say I was bothered by his being smaller than me, though. His face tended to itch me, too- he never quite grew a beard long enough to stop that. As he kept shaving it off, not because he couldn’t. That was the first time he kind of annoyed me, though.)

Lockdown doesn’t help, of course. We were all breaking rules in our grief. Covid is cancelled, my mother said. Masks off. Hugs all round. A friend told me you need extra oxytocin when you’re grieving. I was getting plenty of it. Good grief... 

Now I am frequently alone, and as my new lover is very busy studying (or perhaps less interested in me again now that he has my attention back? Though his reticence in getting with me stemmed from his concerns about the uneven nature of our interest in each other...) I haven’t seen him all week. I feel myself becoming depressed, and withdrawn, and paranoid, yet I still don't feel particularly sad about my daughter’s death. Which is strange. Isn’t it? Here is the email I received from her school this morning (it had her name and class at the top of the email): 

“Good morning

I hope this email finds you all well.

A number of years ago I signed the college up to the campaign against period poverty. I receive and distribute sanitary products to girls, primarily on free school meals, but any who are in need of the products and either can’t afford them or it is difficult to get them. The products are normally distributed by myself, during P.E and games, unfortunately this can’t happen at present.

These products are still available during the school closure. If you wish to avail of them, please contact our school info account (which is only read by one member of office staff) your request will be directed to me and I will contact you directly regarding collection.

These are difficult times for many at present and to quote my favourite supermarket, ‘every little helps’.

Kind regards...”

I was really with her until she quoted Tesco. And said they were her favourite!! Ugh! I mean, it really is a great idea. Though they really should check if the people they are writing about are still capable of bleeding. My heart bleeds....

I replied thus:

“Hello there.

Great idea, but as (my youngest daughter) has died, she won't be needing them any more. I hate Tesco- they ruin many little businesses.

Maybe take me off this mailing list?”

Then I attached one of her seven suicide notes: the one for school. Which I had previously not shown them. I only found it on Christmas Eve. Can I attach it, here? It has no names... 

There we are. Is it wrong of me to find her notes amusing? She is so angry, people say. I wonder how much of it is literal, and how much of it is using the school as a big nameless scapegoat. She was funny in the rest of them, too, and very loving. I found them comforting, like a fucked up Christmas present.

Then I started reading articles about suicide, and they were about how we shouldn’t call the people who do it selfish, about how depressed they are, how they need pity, not anger. I’m tired of the pity (though I’m not the suicidal one). I’m not producing enough sadness from myself when people pity me, either. Where is my sadness? Am I too acceptant of it all? We are all going to die. Is suicide like a C-section? Is it cheating death, like I thought my Caesareans cheated birth? Is suicide self euthanasia? Why do I not miss my daughter more? Is it because she had already left? Was she released, happy, free as a bird, swooping away on an Awfully Big Adventure? Trapezing her way into the æther? I googled to see if I could find any positive reactions to suicide. Is this my nature, to try and find the good in everything? To try and make light of the horrific? Is everything a joke to me? 

I found this blog post, from Andreas Moser.

I love it. Am I trying to take the blame away from myself? The NHS? The school? Should I be reeling and railing against the systems that let my daughter get into that state? Why am I instead trying to find ways to applaud her behaviour, accept it, even enjoy it?! When I read his words, “I admire their courage (because logical as it may be, it’s not easy) and the determination to make the ultimate decision in life oneself.” I felt a strange sensation of relief, that someone else could think those things. I had been thinking them, but trying not to, because it seemed like such an awful thing to think. But then I think, why does anyone else have to be to blame? It was her decision. 

The book I was rereading is called Life After Life, by Kate Atkinson. It’s my favourite book, I have decided, for now. Do favourites stay favourites? I was looking at my old Couchsurfing Profile today (because of Andreas’ blog- he, as a hippy hermit, is, of course, on Couchsurfing). One needs to update these every so often. Explain that you have watched another film in the last twenty years, that there is one less sofa in your living room, one less child on your earth. Even though no-one is allowed to move around, really. No visiting. No exploring. Perhaps she killed herself to escape the boredom. 

In Life After Life, the main character, Ursula, lives again and again. (I forgot that to live again and again, she had to die again and again. It's a very sad and graphic book, spanning two wars- read it. It is, ultimately, uplifting.) I wanted to read it again to make my daughter live again, and again. We need to write her alive. Show her drawings and paintings. Listen to her songs (they're hilarious). Read her poems. Admire her photographs. Tell the stories of her antics.

I know that really she was actually depressed and withdrawn. I know it isn’t a glorious escape. That her wee head was broken, and that sometimes it’s just easier to say, it was unfixable, she was determined, this is what she wanted, than to contemplate it as my (or anyone else’s) failure to help her. I know that she used to be confident and gregarious. She would have danced in front of people, inspiring others. She was always upside-down, tumbling, twirling, cartwheeling. She had a dry, cheeky wit, and rather an amusing obsession with poo and wee. She was kind, and wise. She liked to bake vegan treats. She could draw, and paint, and sing so beautifully. She played the ukelele, but by then she was hiding away. She had started to write poems- songs? She wouldn’t show us them. We had to beg her to perform on the trapeze for her Granny’s eightieth, in July. She did so, beautifully, but you could tell she hated the attention. Four months later, she hanged herself on it. 

Had we all withdrawn into ourselves, this 2020? Was there really nothing else to do? Yet I remember the start of Lockdown seeming idyllic. All that free time, all that sunshine. Was I just trying to convince myself, as usual? The only people we saw were the Woodcarver and the neighbours. She taught the wee boy next door to ride his unicycle. When she died, he brought in a picture he had drawn, of them on their unicycles, she as an angel above herself, a rainbow arcing over the three figures. His sadness affected me. I felt like I could only be sad through other people. Where is my sadness? Where is my grief? Good grief, bad grief, no grief? Alternatives to grief.