#i dont have anything to say for myself

[charleslelurk]

nortrell omorashi for meeeee? 🥰

This is... frankly insane? This is omo crack fic, this is a war crime against cows, this is... the most unique thing I've ever written. Enjoy? I guess? idk

Nortrell + Omorashi

from here

It's a stupid bet, really. But what else is being a bloke in your 20's for, if not doing some stupid things?

"No more stops," Max tells him as Lando ducks back into the car. 

"Tell yourself that," Lando snaps back with a smile as he shuts the car door behind him. Max rolls his eyes and buckles his seat belt as Lando pulls the car out of the petrol station and back onto the road. 

"No, like literally. From here on out, we aren't stopping again. Hell or high water," Max says. 

Lando is nodding. "Yeah, like I just want to get there."

"So no more stops. At this rate, we'll be late."

Lando is still nodding. "Make it a bet," he says. "First one to ask for a piss owes the other fifty quid."

He glances at shotgun to see Max nodding back. It's a bet. 

Lando deeply regrets it two hours later as they're sailing through the countryside and he needs to piss like a motherfucker. He would pee on a fucking bush at this point with some farmers sheep staring at him, he doesn't care. He shouldn't have drank the frankly obscene amount of water he has, but Jon has been on him about hydration lately so he made sure to bring plenty of water on their long drive to the Quadrant shoot. 

Each press of the gas, each turn in the road, has Lando deeply aware of how full his bladder is. But it's only another hour home. He can do this. He glances at Max in shotgun, silent for the last twenty minutes or so as he's scrolling on his phone. As Lando watches, he absentmindedly picks up his Micky D's cup from the holder and sucks on the straw. He gets barely any liquid up it before the ice rattles and there's the sound of the straw suctioning to the bottom of the cup. Empty. 

Twenty minutes later, Lando is driving frankly unsafely, pressing his knees together and sitting at a strange angle as he tries to take pressure off of his bladder. Max is shifting in his seat too, silent but twitchy. 

"Max–"

"You too?"

"No."

"Mate, you're almost sideways."

"'M not losing the bet."

"It's only fifty quid. That's like 0.0000001% of your salary."

Lando is quiet for a moment. Then, "Too?"

"Yeah, I gotta piss. What about it?"

"You could ask for a stop."

"What, piss on that–" and Max points out the window into the trees, "–rock? Where would I go?"

"Cops not going to get you for public urination in the middle of the countryside."

"But I don't want to pay you fifty quid."

"So I guess we don't stop then."

"Yeah, fine."

"Fine."

Max looks out the window and Lando focuses on driving without pissing himself. His abdomen is cramped, every movement low grade painful with how full he is. But he's not fucking stopping. Max is breathing hard in the other seat, like a woman in labor breathing through contractions. Lando focuses on Max's weird noises to distract himself from the feelings in his own body. It's fine, everything is fine. 

The land turns to cattle fields, rolling green dotted with cows and bushes. They have not seen another car for miles and miles, the road so narrow it's basically only one car wide. The road is gently curving around a hill. Suddenly, it turns more sharply and Lando, half distracted by his screaming bladder, jerks the car too hard through the turn.

"Mate, god," Max says through gritted teeth. 

"Sorry I–AH." Lando slams on the brakes, jerking them both forwards, caught by their seat belts and pressing into the restraints before slamming back against the seats as they stop just in time before hitting the brown cow standing in the middle of the road. 

"Fuck, fuck," Lando chants as he unbuckles and folds in half. He thinks he pissed a little in his briefs at the stop, unable to stop it. There is noise beside him as Max scrambles in the car too. "Fuck, I gotta–" and Lando throws open the door of the car to stand, to run into the field and find a bush to hide behind, to–to–he doesn't even know, just knows he can't fucking piss in his car. 

Standing alleviates something in him, stretching out the cramped muscles of his abdomen that have been holding the liters of liquid inside. He takes two steps before he's turning to brace his hands on the hood of the low sports car, desperately trying to hold it in as his body tells him no and the stream starts. He's pissing himself before he even knows it, has even registered what's happening. He looks up as his crotch wets and warms, and there's Max, standing outside the car too. 

"I–"

Max just shakes his head and opens his mouth, shocked. 

And that's when Lando looks over the hood of the car and realizes Max is pissing himself too, gray joggers darkening at his crotch. Lando keeps watching. Max keeps watching Lando. It goes on for….longer than it should, both of them having drank far too much and held it for far too long. 

It's… intimate. Insanely so. Lando feels insane. He can't stop looking at Max. The stream in his pants stops and he stays standing with his hands on the hood of the car. He doesn't know if Max is done, but he is not moving either. 

"Max…"

"What was that?"

Lando swallows hard. "I–dunno mate. But like–"

"Was that, like, hot?"

Lando nods. "I think I'm like, hard."

Max nods, eyes darkening. "Get in the car, yeah?"

The cow moos as they both dart back inside.

[god-of-this-new-blog]

“Light had briefly studied art history as an undergraduate to fulfill a graduation requirement, and his pursuit of artistic sublimity reminded him that he was, at that moment, 23 years old; the same age as the Baroque sculptor Gian Lorenzo Bernini when he carved his opus, Rapimento di Proserpina.” — Alignment by Praise_Lilith / @lightyaoigami

[shipshinaa]

so its time ye...

ye..........

[lil-vibes]

skk sleepover but dazai Actually Sleeps for the first time in forever and wakes up, like, super groggy and disoriented, turns around, latches onto a sleep warm chuuya and promptly falls back asleep (chuuya is wide awake and having a Dilemma)

[mint-berry-crunch]

Amarillo is to Agamemnon

As armadillo is armageddon

[valtsv]

idc about "toxic traits" or "red flags" whats your fatal flaw

[800db-cloud]

spare some spy hcs? 👀

OKAY. ok. so i have been putting off answering this ask because i’m admittedly very shy and very afraid of sharing my headcanons. and also because i have A LOT OF THEM.. but here we are!

here are my headcanon spies :) René works for RED and Jacques works for BLU!

where to start, where to start… i have a LOT of headcanons for them, i’ll be talking for FOREVER here. i’ll just start with story because why not! xP

René’s parents were also agents/spies, so he was always destined to be one as well. And he lives up to his parents’ legacies! He’s most notorious for destroying gangs and mobs and the like from the outside in. He was brought to America years ago to take out a dangerous mob boss, but unfortunately found himself infatuated (and involved) with the boss’ daughter. Luckily for him, the boss’ daughter wanted the guy dead, too.

René’s story is honestly a lot more fleshed out than Jacques’, but here goes anyway:

Jacques’ father was a very rich and powerful man in politics. Jacques himself was the result of an affair, and to keep it hush-hush, his father decided to raise him. Raise is a strong word, though— but he did help his father gain intelligence and blackmail on opposing political parties. Jacques proved to be a promising spy since childhood.

If anyone has any suggestions/ideas for Jacques’ story, let me know haha x) he didn’t have the greatest upbringing per se…

last thing on this section i wanna talk about is the Scouts. René is related to both of the Scouts; he’s RED Scout (Jeremy)’s biological father, and he’s BLU Scout (James)’ adoptive/step-father. Jacques has no relation to either scout, but acts as a guardian figure to BLU Scout.

anyway, this is the part where i continue talking about other miscellaneous headcanons! and these come with doodles :)

You couldn’t catch René DEAD without his mask, or his suit! He’d neeever take them off around other people (‘other people’ is mainly just Scout. For obvious reasons.) Meanwhile, Jacques is pretty lenient in letting his teammates see his face! Everyone on BLU’s seen his face at least once.

A big part of why René refuses to strip down is also due to the fact he has a LOT of tattoos. No doodle for this one because I’ve yet to decide on what tattoos to put on him (ideas are very welcome!!), but yeah! Most of the tattoos were ‘forced’ onto him/he had to get for jobs and ‘fitting in’ with bad crowds, but a good few of them were of his own accord, too.

Jacques doesn’t have tattoos, but he has a myriad of another thing: scars! Lots and lots of scars on this guy. Faded and old, sure, but they’re there. Most prominent ones are the one around his neck (from when the RED Medic beheaded him) and the ones on his forearms (those are from the LAST time he was imprisoned— looong story…)

René doesn’t cook very often for his team, but when he does, everyone’s always BLOWN AWAY by this guy’s cooking! René’s really bad at taking compliments, though— (“Cooking food that’s remotely edible isn’t a compliment, it’s basic survival.”) —but rest assured he’ll be thinking about it for the next month. Jacques, however… Do NOT let this guy into the kitchen. Ever. The BLU base has a special fire extinguisher “In Case Spy Decides To Turn On The Stove”

oooh, this one is an hc and a HALF to me. René much prefers working alone. It’s just in his nature, being isolated and whatnot. He likes to deal with things by himself– maybe he doesn’t want to burden others? On the contrary, Jacques NEVER works alone. It’s a trait he’s had even before being hired to BLU. You never know when things could go wrong, so it’s best to have someone else to fall back to… or someone else you can blame!

these hcs both have something to do with how René and Jacques show their trust in other people :) it’s a bit convoluted but it gets there:

René is, amusingly, very bad at remembering names. Almost laughably bad. There have been many-a-story of his days before RED where he’d get a target’s name wrong, even after he’d repeated it in his head dozens of times over. Names are difficult for him, so if he remembers yours, it means you mean a lot to him! He prefers using his teammates’ names rather than their titles. René is unaware of how charming this specifc trait is to his coworkers (they saw how much work and effort it took for him to memorize their names, they’re just happy with how far he’s come!)

Jacques has a… to put simply, very complicated relationship with food. But the one thing he’ll never turn down is sweets. His favorites especially being chocolate bonbons. Jacques has a hard time eating in front of others, let alone sharing his food! But if he genuinely likes and trusts you enough, he’d have half the mind to share with you. Admittedly, he hasn’t brought himself to share with most of the members of his team yet, except for a select few. Mostly BLU Medic and BLU Sniper.

—

and of course, eventually, EVENTUALLY, these two also become friends! it took a little bit but believe me, they both respect each other’s skill in their job :)

AHHg i could go sooo much longer about them— from things like their physical traits (how much teeth they have? it’s a pressing question) or different periods of their life (why did rené have to leave his family? why was jacques imprisoned for the last time?) BUT this post is so… so, so long. My fingers hurt from typing

If you’ve managed to read through this Beast, THANK YOU RAAHH!!! thanks so much for asking this, too. i hope to spare more hcs someday. hehe ^_^

[wiltkingart]

so there's this elf

[calamarispiderart]

everything i do is derivative

[deoidesign]

One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)

We all start somewhere!

[xxplastic-cubexx]

(thanks to the defrost tiktok anon) Eric would be on the cooking duty and Francesca would be trying to either push things off the table or steal something from the counter constantly or play with moving metal kitchenwares to the point that Eric has to decide that the safest way of him to cook in peace is by holding Francesca all the time while cooking so that she doesn't do anything

artistic rendition cause you be cooking here .............

[slavhew]

And I just have to tell you that I

Love you so much these days,

[mr-urple]

phenomenon i've noticed about my speech

[love-death-and-desert]

y'all know that trend yeah? yeah anyways

[skunkes]

reposting some old doodles i still enjoy a bit

[puppppppppy]

beep beep im a sheep

speeddraw below the cut (audio warning)

song: "Cult of Dionysis" by The Orion Experience