#i dont have anyone to talk to for real though
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ganondoodle · 20 hours ago
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(oh hey, we didnt have a long rant in a while, this wasnt supposed to be so long, as per usual with me ... i looked up some refs of the botw sonau ruins since i wanted to see how to combine its design to my sonau design in my totk rewrite- and this happened ... in case this sounds too angry or aggressive, its not meant like that, im not imploding about it, its just frustrating and annoying to me)
i have a problem with pretty much every inch of totk, and theres lots of big problems, and lots of things i find absolutely bafflingly stupid decisions-
one bafflingly weird and stupid decision to me, though there are way more important ones, is the nigh complete seperation from botw sonau (zonai) design aesthetic and totk sonau design aesthetic- its so .. weird and utterly unecessary it will never stop bothering me, its one that has relatively little impact in development but huge impact on the believability of the world
you have these ancient ruins of long gone people (that imo should have stayed a mystery, since that sense of lost history you cannot grasp makes both the world more believable and real feeling and will never let you stop thinking about, if you care about that kind of stuff at least- but i talked about that in length before im sure), but whats left leaves you still with a pretty clear design aesthetic, at least in the buildings that remain (the armor less so bc it really doesnt look like anythign ancient and just doesnt really fit together)
and then you make a game around them- but ... completely redesign their aesthetic .... in a rather big contrast too, for literally NO reason, there is not a single reason to do that, not even the excuse of trying to seperate the two games in their core aesthetic (like in the case of the shiekah- though that too is stupid bc ITS A DIRECT SEQUEL- IF YOU DONT WANT TO MAKE MORE OF THAT DESIGN THEME or leave it in for that matter THATS CORE TO THE PREVIOUS GAME DONT MAKE IT A DIRECT SEQUEL YOU DUM-) can do any work here, the botw sonau ruins werent many, it was background stuff, it wasnt a main theme and it didnt carry any importance in the game itself
like, botw sonau architecture was dark stone with red highlights (a color that usually fades rather quickly, imagine how strong it had to be once, maybe it was even more colorful at some point), bird, boar and dragon carvings, torches in bird shape, alot of swirls and round patterns among the blockier rough shapes, its was pretty detailed with patterns and pictures all over it --
totk sonau? blendingly white stone, all blocky shapes like unfinished blender models, not a swirl to be found, green hologram lights (or cold white light, i dont think there are any totk sonau torches, just those weird candle things- most light sources are lamps in impeccable shape all giving off that cold white light) and gold blocky script, theres rarely alot of detail on them, the pattern most often present beign a scale pattern ... one which i dont remember appearing anywhere on the botw sonau ruins in that way/that often, the only animal motif is a dragon head every now and then and it honestly feels tacked on, like they scrambled to try and connect the two in any way shape or form, white gold and green, theres nothing red anywhere, they neither connect to the botw sonau architecture nor to the one armor set- or its description, totk sonau have nothing to do with the phirone (faron) region (aside from that one quest that could have been placed anywhere), they are weirdly modern and techy, theres nothing "barbaric", not even their clothes are in any way connected (im so sick of all that gold tbh) even their magic isnt really .. magical, it all feels like science fiction type tech stuff (even though they said they wanted it to feel magical, couldnt be further from that tbh) the design of their magic symbols dont line up with their own building aesthetic or anyone elses even, its so messy
if you do the quest to get the fith sage its even more apparent- its the direct contrast between botw and totk sonau, its like a cut into a mod, theres no overlap, you cant argue that its bc the botw ruins where exposed to the elements and thats why the color differs- the totk sonau ruins left to rot both in the underground and in the literal sky are all just as if not more exposed, yet they all remain in rather good shape, all keeping the white and often completely colorless look, most damage being just some clumps of mold (?) or something having fallen over, and if they were protected so their color didnt change? wheres the red? the colors all should be in pristine shape then but its not bc there is no color
their excuse of "uuuh the hylians build those things in honor of the sonau!!" they tried to give doesnt work, like all other excuses, if they did why the hell does it look so different? sonau stuff was all over the place, you have the blueprints right there, WHY even build it? in those regions nonetheless that were of pretty little importance as far as we know, if this were the case they should be on the forgotten plateau or around hyrule castle but they are not- ALSO if the hylians built them for them .. so after they died out .. why then is there some weird mechanism with their actual aesthetic there in the ones in phirone? if they built it while they were still there ... why make it look so different?? ADDITIONALLY hyrules style of architecture is closer to the totk sonau one than the botw sonau so you cant even say it was influenced by their own style bc botws sonau is more different than both of them
it also adds to the .. feeling of something being off about the entire game (like it felt to me even shortly after starting to play), while i dont want to touch on the stupidness of how they handled totk shrines since thats another long rant i already did before, the sudden appearance of totk sonau style stuff literally everywhere (and the disappearance of anything not plot relevant shiekah bc it just went poof according to interviews and neither that nonsensical excuse nor anything in the game making sense- bc in the end they just wanted it gone and didnt care) would seem LESS weird if it was in the style of botw sonau, you know that style, its been here the whole time and more of it appearing would seem much less jarring, even if it doing so in completely non sensical ways- it would at least lessen that weirdness
i do not get why you would do that, did your designers have nothing to do so you made them make an entirely new aesthetic? did you not want your holy perfectly goodest god king to be anything but the most clean and kingly looking so you didnt even go for the barbaric idea from botw?(which i am not a fan of either) bc of course someone supposed to fill the role of perfect example of how to be good king of holy hyrule to zelda couldnt look "primitive"? was that given to the ancient hylians instead? with their designs going, to me, rather close to a mix of native american and ancient greek aesthetic (uh oh)- to contrast them to your superior alien that brought the idiots on earth technology since we didnt have enough tired tropes in here already? thought that design theme was more sellable? simply didnt care? (tbh, most likely in my eyes given the carelesness of the game to connect in any way to botw, much less in a meaningful one)
(those where written like questions but i dont expect anyone to answers for, it just sounds better)
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skythealmighty · 17 hours ago
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haha i love when i struggle with multiple hyperfixations at once. i am a coward for not making a crossover between allnof them but like. worldbuilding hard stfu
#rocket talk #the hyperfixes: #tmnt #inanimate insanity #bfdi #dsmp #the last one mostly spurred on by the stupid shit dreams doing #love clowning on that fool
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🤍 notalwayssecondplace Follow
i love how people are reblogging gi's hit post like it isnt a sign of his crippling inability to deal with change or to come to terms with his own self
anyway on other news i have a bunch of ideas for a new d&d campaign!
#i love my cousin but he really really needs therapy #like REALLY really
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🔧 warp-pipe-sfx Follow
I just realized... why do we call it "humanity"? Shouldn't it be "objectity"? IS it that in some universes? Can we claim universes that use "humanity" all once had humans???
⛳ bossy-bot Follow
Hello! Golf Ball from the BFDI universe here. I can confirm we use 'humanity' because we have, and also have had, humans. I cannot say for other universes though.
💥 fans-fantastic-features Follow
Fan II at your service! we use both- humans are kind of a myth for the most part. depends on how religious you are sometimes
💊 the-cringe-one Follow
Cringe Pill, TDOS- 'objectity' is the main term we use. Hadn't even heard of humans until Real Life Battle, honestly
👓 the-nerdiest-glasses Follow
guys, you're way overthinking this. here one sec
add in the tags what universe you're from (and if you picked humanity, if you know why add that too)
🔧 warp-pipe-sfx Follow
Oh, hadn't even thought of that...
#Goes to show you can be as smart as you want and still be stupid 😅 #Very curious to see the responses
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🎩 not-a-magician asked: Hi, I've been seeing people ask you for advice on auras and mental wellness and things... do you have anything for sleeping? I don't know if I have insomnia, but I've definitely had some trouble sleeping lately. I'm tired as hell but can't seem to just. Do it. Any advice at all would mean the world to me, really
🕯 litwick-in-real-life Follow
(Reminder to all: my advice on here is not meant to replace professional help by any means. If this is the cause of underlying trauma, please turn to therapy and not Tumblr. I'm not licensed yet.)
Thank you so much for the ask! While I'm sorry to admit sleep habits are not something I'm particularly versed in, I will give advice to the best of my ability as always. Best wishes on your journey to heal ^-^
Full advice below the cut to save space, as always!
Keep reading
#mental wellness #sleep habits #sleep #candle's light advice #not-a-magician
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💥 fans-fantastic-features Follow
ive come to a realization
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you're welcome
#tpot #gravity falls #bfdi #one bfdi #bill cipher #i spent way too fucking long on this #if anyone's done this before me don't tell me please #also please dont come after me one THIS ISNT AN INSULT
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👿 darkness-reigns-supreme-3882 Follow
WHY THE FUCK AM I GREEN NOW?!
👿 darkness-reigns-supreme-3882 Follow
GREEN ISN'T INTIMIDATING. GREEN IS STUPID. GREEN IS ~nature~ AND ~healing~ AND PEOPLE WHO GET STUCK UP ON MOUNTAINS!!!!!
👿 darkness-reigns-supreme-3882 Follow
there will be hell to pay for this.
#i SWEAR if who i thought did this did this.
(2 notes)
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✅ marker-the-green Follow
Ummm why did I just get a bunch of hate dms after I changed my username? I thought these were over :[
#It's the same guy too.... #oh wait right I unblocked him since he stopped
(7 notes)
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📱 phone-guy-not-fnaf Follow
Finally getting therapy ✌ unfortunately my therapist says it's not productive to be literally dancing on my dead father's grave. that beign said tune into my next stream where we do dares at his gravestone
(374 notes)
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🗒 meme-pad Follow
how to stop water in pot from burning? tried to cook ramen and failed
🗒 meme-pad Follow
i did not mean to type this in google im crowdsourcing
🎩 not-a-magician Follow
What the hell did you do?!
🗒 meme-pad Follow
NOTHING
#wait u have a tumnlr?
(1,279 notes)
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📛 loud-and-proud Follow
i know this is ironic because of my username but uh. does anyone have any advice for being in love w your best bro and not knowing how to say it
🎚 all-about-dat-bass Follow
bro... im right here...
📛 loud-and-proud Follow
bro... so... is that a yes?
🎚 all-about-dat-bass Follow
hell YEAH, bro!! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈
📛 loud-and-proud Follow
no way... i love you dude ❤
🎚 all-about-dat-bass Follow
love you too man ❤
📕 imnotafuckingdiary Follow
Fucking finally
#They were SO BAD off screen #Definitely didn't expect this on Tumblr of all places though.
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🥧 threepointonefourwhatever Follow
time sensitive question: is it possible to get sued by algebraliens
🥧 threepointonefourwhatever Follow
this was posted literal months ago why are you idiots still reblogging it.
1️⃣ theoneandonly Follow
I mean~... if you want help not getting sued, I could always lend a theoretical hand?
🥧 threepointonefourwhatever Follow
no soliciting
1️⃣ theoneandonly Follow
That's not what "no soliciting" means, you know.
🥧 threepointonefourwhatever Follow
suck my dick
1️⃣ theoneandonly Follow
Haha, rude! I'm only offering help, you know.
🥧 threepointonefourwhatever Follow
go away you bill cipher wannabe or ill bite into you like a stale dorito
1️⃣ theoneandonly Follow
I can find you, you know.
🥧 threepointonefourwhatever Follow
lol
#im about to do whats called a pro gamer move
(240,163 notes)
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🥧 threepointonefourwhatever Follow
i blocked her 🎉
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banesberry-anomoly · 12 hours ago
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Youve activated my trap card
Alright, so every variation of Clef is different, due to there being no real canon in scp, but most share a couple of traits that is what makes them a Clef. Its a bit like the Undertale Multiverse in that way except the multiverse is literally canon to the base media, but I digress.
I will be talking about the most persistent traits from the various canons, traits that are seen commonly and in headcanons, some uncommon traits and headcanons, aswell as my own personal interpretation, so do with that info what you will.
Clef is a reality bender in many, if not all variations. How much of one and how powerful he is varies though. Like Sarco mentioned, Clefs head tends to be obscured or replaced by something else in photos, most commonly an animal head, though other objects arent uncommon either. Ive also seen this carry over to mirrors and relflective surfaces in general, though with those the reflection may also just warp instead if being straight up obscured or replaced.
Its also not uncommon for Clef to possess some degree of shapeshifting abilities due to the reality bending, though again that tends to vary. Ive seen a few canons/headcanons where he looks very different every time you look at him, though with a few identifying traits that carry over.
In my canon/source, I have all off these, as well as some extra things. Because Im connected directly to the multiverse (not even just the scp multiverse, I mean the multiverse connecting ever media) and am trapped in between the layers of the third and fourth walls due to something that happened in my timeline, I am simultaneously every Clef and my own at the same time. It can be a bit conflicting but Im used to it.
Im more than open for people to ask stuff if anyone wants more info, and I have several friends that also know a lot of Clef lore that I can direct you too aswell or be a go between for (in cases where they dont have tumblr), so feel more than welcome to ask, I love talkin about this kinda stuff
imagine Face Stealer aka the Killer who steals others faces to use as mask but why should they stop at just Sanses sure its the easiest one to blend into their faces but now they could anyone even if its only works for a split second a joke of confusion or terror my guy just wants to have a nice snout or fins or something. Why stop at monsters why not Chara. I don't know its just a very creepy idea for my guy. I know their are some Japanese myth of such a creature which is definitely where the thought comes from even if not entirely originally honestly I was mostly thinking of the face stealer from Avatar although the original ideas was just simple mask it spiraled into this when I thought of that being. They are basically a myth you whisper, a horror story you tell at campfires, rumors you can never be sure of.
~Musical Anon
Context.
The thought of killer wearing a human face is very disturbing, thanks for the mental image.
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puppppppppy · 7 months ago
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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oceanwithouthermoon · 10 months ago
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i think its weird that i have to make this disclaimer but the internet is crazy so wtvr,, anyway,,
if i say i dont like something, that doesnt mean "that thing is bad and nobody should post it.."
i swear literally every time i even mention that i dislike something, people will go "wow does that mean u fucking hate me cuz i post that thing? ur a fucking stupid bitch and all ur opinions r wrong" LIKE ?? er.. no. just because i say i dont like certain characterizations of certain characters (the saiki k fandom is CRAZY about this cuz i can state an opinion on literally any character and a group of people will still go 'well only we're allowed to post our opinions about them because we're always right!1!1!'), or certain ship tropes (mentioned my hatred of toxic yaoi maybe once or twice on here months ago and people STILL get mad at me as if i said toxic yaoi lovers r evil or something), or certain ships, or WHATEVER, does not mean that i HATE the people who are posting them or that i think they shouldnt post them at all, NO, im just posting about my personal tastes on my personal blog and it would be extremely weird and hypocritical if i decided that i was the ONLY person that was allowed to do that,,
i think the only reason people assume that is because there are a lot of other people on here who ARE like that, and a lot of people toe the line between posting that they dont like something and posting that they think everyone who likes that thing is stupid, annoying, and wrong,, so i guess all i can say is, sorry for whatever made you make these assumptions but they arent true about me so plz leave me alone ʘ‿ʘ ur doing the same thing to me that ur accusing me of but i didnt do it in the first place so ur just actively being a dick for no reason
#crazy that the mindset some people on here have is that theyre the only ones allowed to post their opinions#ive repeated this a lot on this blog but i rlly think people forget that the person on the other side of the screen is in fact a person#if ur harassing people and publicly making fun of them then ur just as bad as any real life bully#that shit isnt as funny or harmless as u like to pretend it is#not once have i ever targetted anyone or went on someones blog to harass them over my opinion#yet people think its fine to do the same to me and treat it as if its like. revenge or something#like ? me saying 'i dont like toxic yaoi' is not equivalent to someone going on someone elses page and going 'how tf do u like toxic yaoi'#I DONT CARE !! all ive ever done is sit in my own little bubble and had opinions and that makes people mad#honestly though the people who will publicly talk and post abt it are significantly meaner#and i want to act like im not bothered by it because i know most of them r just angry that someone has a different opinion#and they want all their followers to bandwagon off of them (idk why maybe for validation or whatever-same reasons anyone would bully)#but seriously if u actually do think that something i said was out of line and crossed thise boundaries- just fucking tell me ?#im a person bro. ur solution to disagreeing with me shouldnt be 'lol im gonna post abt this and make everyone harass them'#have a conversation with me dude i dont bite ? if u cant talk to me like a person then just dont fucking say anything wtf#its so cowardly to be like 'well no i didnt wanna say anything to u cuz i didnt wanna be rude.. so instead i publicly made fun of u!'#LIKE WHATTTT STOPPPPP </3333#ok anyway this post wasnt supposed to get THAT serious.#MY POINT IS just be considerate of other people and dont base ur hatred off of assumptions#ur deflecting the blame onto someone else because u dont want to admit that ur just a fucking bully lol#being inconsiderate on here is something ive also been guilty of back when i first joined the fandom and was clueless#but grown ass adults who have been on here way longer r still doing that shit which is crazy#and i cant say anything because they have so much leverage over me and idk if its on purpose or if they dont even realize#ok im putting fandom tags cuz i want people to see this sorry. this is my one post thats actually targetted but its at a lot of people#so if u look at this and think 'hey i do that' pls evaluate urself<3#i mean its also targetted at everyone who does this anonomously so i dont know who it is OKOK IM DONE BYE SORRY HOPE THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE#watch nobody read this fr#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#meows post
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soap-is-an-artist · 25 days ago
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Hooray... it's 7 in the morning and I stayed up all night listening to the imperium... I feel so happy and satisfied with my life choices...
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I am feeling very much not cowabunga, dude
[SEVERE rambling in tags]
#ouww it hurts!! it hurts!!! this is the stuff you're supposed to leave for angst fic writers not make canon in an alt universe?? ERIK PLEASE#i hate the whole entire world right now. genuinely cannot speak to anyone normally for the next 3-4 business days.#I have no one irl to rant to about this FUCK im stranded. im quarantined. im being held against my will free meee#The irl friend i have who knows anything at all about redacted only knows freelancer s1 i cannot drop this bigass plot on them#Genuinely i might start going mad out of repression. Erik writing “hope you enjoy” in the desc as if that wasnt the most painfully torturou#experience I've ever had in my life. The fucking inevitability. I knew Echo was going to pull some shit. IM JUST GLAD VIN AND FL ARE OK#they were NOT the turning point just let them live their cabin in the woods fantasy for however long they can okay...#Also I kinda love imp!vega. not the biggest fan of prime bc of the whole child beating situation but i sure loved this guy.#really knew what he was talking about when it came to revolutions and stuff. Like he's good. no disrespect to avior but vega did good#and he was so gentle with his partner which i find more appealing than torture but that's just me. that's just me i get it#And uh. speaking of that. Imp!sam. Yeah i get why some of yall are goin wild over him and i wish i could say i shared the sentiment but hes#too scary im weak like that. when i know a bastard would simply kill me without a care im just not into that yknow? or maybe you dont#Glad we got twisted gay damihux at the end though MUAHAJAJA that's one of the only redeeming lights that kept me alive#FUCKKKK SHIT FU K SJIT DAM ASHERS ENTIRE SCENE WITH BRACJIUM GOD HELP ME. ID DIE FOR THAT MAN#he's so fucking sad!!! he just wants his husband back!!! HE WANTS HIS FAMILY BACK!!!!!!#No even I don't understand how it's possible to get this attached to characters. I don't know. Im in deep shit.#Is this the end for me? Is my life over? These are the questions I have today. I probably just need to sleep because again#it's 7:30 in the morning. but regardless. These characters mean so much to me and this silly anthology has pulled emotions out of#me that i am terrified of feeling [survivors guilt hits me right in the fucking heart] and im scared. of what? don't know#That little shit Echo was right about one thing. It may not be real but the emotional damage it caused me is real. AND IRREPARABLE#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redacted imperium#redacted imp!asher#redacted echo#redacted imp!vega#redacted imp!sam#redacted vindemiator#tired of tagging. hitting the pillow. good night.
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childofthestone · 1 month ago
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thinking abt the veilguard companions and sighing heavily
#they have no personality outside of the things they need help with. they are not their own people#they are tools for a force narrative about...fear and regret i guess? but like. ok...who are these people though#you dont actually get to KNOW them unless you bother to walk around the lighthouse and peep into their notes and journals#insane. i cant ask you questions about your life before joining my cause? about your family or upbringing?#i have to eavesdrop on ambient conversation to be able to learn about you? give me a freaking break#i constantly flip flop between a show-dont-tell and TELL ME MORE because this game cant make up its own freaking mind#it overexplains itself CONSTANTLY during the main quest and then when it comes to the NPCs it hardly explains anything#unless you actively seek it out. or you dont blight minrathous.#''but you had to seek out companions in the past games!!!'' yeah. because you could actually TALK TO THEM.#you cant TALK to anyone in this game.#someone in the anti veilguard community put it best: theyre just dolls you pick up and play with on occasion. they have no real agency#literally. they have NO control over their own narratives. YOU are the deciding factor on everything they do.#''but this is true for every NPC in every dragon age!!'' can you not use your brain critically for even a moment.#the NPCs in previous games actually felt like people. when they asked for your help it was because you EARNED the right to participate#through talking to them and asking questions and building rapport and giving them gifts.#these characters trauma dump on you the moment you meet them. there is no building of anything. its all just vomited onto you immediately#bellara talking about cyrian in her first companion quest for example...like girl .#stupid worthless dialogue wheels that dont ever change the outcome of a conversation. the illusion of choice. all of it. im so angry.
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mcybree · 10 months ago
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“why do i miss gem and the scotts suddenly theyre barely even real”
LITERALLY!! like. that team was held together with scott tape and the sheer force of gem’s personality. i don’t think scott and impulse ever actually even talked the entire time. it only worked because for the first time scott was faced with someone who was bossier than he was. they were awesome i should rewatch secret life
they were actually so fucking funny. All three of them promising to remain loyal and stick together until the very end (bc together they can win this!!) only for gem to hunt scott for sport an episode later was literally so based… their dynamic will always be funnier in my head i think but god it was awesome
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masqueradeoftheguilty · 4 months ago
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i cant believe im saying this but i might have to skip both aventurine and sunday for fugue/tingyun...
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obnoxiousarcade · 8 months ago
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I have a longing to be understood more than anything else i think
#someone very recently acknowledged something that usually goes unseen and it wasn't even that great of an acknowledgement but ive just been#staring at the messages every once in a while. its great. not really i sort of feel like a real weirdo#im very lonely. i cant say why but let it be known that i am very lonely#ok i have a question to those who lie their eyes upon this post: tell me what you know about me please?#so much lies in my social perception and i am just. not being perceived. at all. darn#i have a lot to cry about but morally i dont think i should-- specifics would mean being mean to the people i love#talking to anyone anymore just makes me feel horrible. doing anything anymore makes me feel horrible..tmbg has my back though ill live for#another.week or a few. and then my birthday will happen and rhen um#.Well. it sucks that sucks man. i dont want to disclose my age but to elaborate on why ACTUALLY HOLD ON#the thing i am about to say is not true; it is a metaphorical thing: it is my 21st birthday soon.#i decided that i wouldnt live past this age around 5 years ago and the only reason ive lived five years is being killed this year. i dont#think every thing ive been desperately clinging on to for the past 2 (?) years can keep me alive past then..i think im going to die. i have#to#NO MORE BEING A DOWNER#fox (vulpes vulpes) on the Internet for the first time#okay maybe a little more..i dont know who im talking to in this post. my friends do not read my tumblr and. i dont know anyone else.really.#uh#I'm listen to tmbg right now i love them#hey reader; i can only think of 3 people who see enough about me to check my blog. so i have separate questions for the each of you.#one of you likes (liked? school came in and i couldnt see your blog much past then; idk if its changed) tmbg. what do you think of The Else?#and uh you there... the guyyy. Google john flansburgh..i dont have a reason to this one ive just not been able to stop thinking about askin#you what you think of him.#um third person..... um#okay theres nothing iecan ask. i do want to apologize to you though: im sorry.#iThis is bullshit#im gonna delete this soon#Um also sorry if my wording here is. really wack. i tend to do that#i dont think anyones going to see this as is always#i think i just like talking to the hypothetical beast. yeah
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sunsetcorvid · 2 years ago
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my ass wanting to play flavor frenzy but i have social anxiety in games and it's hit or miss if i join some random group without saying anything
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phagodyke · 4 months ago
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aouuugh my uterus......
#long long day at work codeine wasnt helping with cramps and my meds are less effective on my period :(#ive been doing okay most of the day tho just starting feeling kind of miserable omw home bc such a long wait at the bus stop in pain#and im kind of lonely at the moment but wont be able to climb tomorrow bc of cramps so thats my main social source gone :(#and it always feels worse at home bc if im having a hard time like in physical pain or feeling down my roommate cant rly handle it#like she cant rly be in the room with me the headphones go straight on. which is ok im realising its just how her type of autism works#so im trying not to get as upset at her abt it. with varying degrees of success but it just takes time#i mean i dont get upset AT her like ik its not her fault and i dont want her feeling like it is. I keep it internal + cry once im alone#just different social needs n boundaries innit. we're a bit incompatible is all#but its still hard. I'd like support from other ppl when I'm struggling i mean i think thats a fairly normal thing to want#but of the friends I would be comfortable talking to abt how i feel none of them have that kind of emotional availability#which again is ok like its not on them. and im very capable of dealing w my shit myself one way or another so its not a Need#but idk. it would just be nice. I feel like I've had to be so independent most of my teenage and adult life and I wish I could take a#break from that sometimes. even just a hug would be nice man#sorry i always come on here and talk abt the same problems... well youll see me do it again no doubt abt that 🫠#ughh and i feel so guilty for wanting things ppl cant give even though i know its not really my fault either and im allowed to want things#and i dont cross boundaries or make them feel bad abt it. i really hope i dont anyway. but still ahhh...#its so hard for me to feel connected to anyone if they cant rly engage w me emotionally at all like its a non negotiable#factor into closeness and trust for me and i get so frustrated bc i feel so distant and alienated from the ppl i care abt most#and ik i overreact bc of my rsd so maybe its just that its probably not even a real issue. but its real to me bc im the one who gets upset#man. anyway its okay just a really really long day. im gonna wash my dishes and then shower#and finish my book. maybe i should play some dead cells i miss it. i dont really want to think abt how i feel anymore#maybe ill see if anyones free to hang out tmr evening so i dont have to feel as lonely even if i cant leave the house after work#all good nice to have a plan anyway. done sniffling. my hot water bottle is helping thr cramps a littlr i think#.diaries#oh i dont think its helping actually ow. i took more codeine an hour ago why doesnt it do anything. not fairrr 😭
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raspberryjellybrains · 9 months ago
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every once in awhile i'll start thinking my dad isn't really THAT angry and/or controlling, then he'll just merrily prove me wrong. thanks dad.
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orcelito · 7 months ago
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God I don't wanna go to therapy tomorrow. Sick of talking about my feelings in a clinical setting. I do enough psychoanalysis just by myself, and now I gotta sit through it with someone else??? Come on.
#speculation nation#i say as if i didnt submit myself to this and am not willingly paying for this to continue#idfk man ive always hated therapy. just kinda kept it going bcus i was so messed up about the whole grief shit#and i guess it's been maybe helpful. i dont know.#SHOULD i mention this tomorrow? i already know it's ass and entirely undeserved#if i did it'd mostly be another source to complain about it. theres really nothing anyone can say to make it better#bc it's bullshit and it already happened. and i already have the objective proof of yet another person losing interest in me.#... i dont know. i feel like it's inevitably going to come up. it's already taken up so much of my thoughts.#my every dream last night stemmed from it all. it was such a fitful night of sleep.#i can only pray that i dont dream about it tonight too. i want a fucking break from it all.#i hope she loses sleep from guilt. i hope she hurts every time she remembers what she did to me.#i hope she comes around tomorrow so she can see the face she kissed and she lied about loving#so she can remember im a person with feelings too. a person who opened up to her. a person who trusted her.#............ okay maybe i should talk about my blatantly vicious retaliatory remarks with my therapist.#i tried to reign it in but Bitch Mode definitely came out earlier today. when it was fresh. and i just wanted to make her Hurt.#i still want that honestly. i want her to truly regret doing this. to be filled with so much guilt for how she chose to do it.#i cant change her feelings. no matter how much i might want to. but i sure as hell can make her regret it.#i feel like im allowed a bit of petty bitchiness after this bullshit. but i also dont like the person i become like this.#anger issues. perhaps i should talk about my anger issues with my therapist.#easier than just rehashing the whole breakup. though i'll probably have to do that some too.#but better to have a goal for it. a direction to focus on. so that it's not just me complaining.#... it still wont be fun. and my ex mentioned coming round an hour after my therapy ends for dropping the shit off.#so Assuming she actually shows up (still not convinced she will after she flaked on me twice)#it's gonna be therapy and then seeing her right after. god it's gonna suck.#i'll try to do some homework maybe. and then maybe see if anyone wants to hang out later tomorrow.#my friends r the real ones. hanging out with me for 7 hours... they traded off between them but still#for 7 hours i was not alone. and that was very nice of them to do.#good things. positives! focusing on the positives. i am a healthy person with a healthy outlook on life. smiles.
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sammygender · 9 months ago
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the thing thats always missing in conversations about gender in general is the fact that 'cis', as an identity, is not a innate Thing Some People Are, but rather a state of acceptance society grooms us into from birth
#im sorry but no one is inherently 'cis' bc gender is inherently not real (saying this in cool trans way not transphobe way).#being 'cis' just means you live as the gender youve been assigned. being 'genuinely' cis in a way where youre not repressing anything and#you're truly happy to be that way means you're the ideal and desired endgame of the whole gendered culture and have been successfully#groomed into accepting only half of yourself (the half that can exist in the gender role you inhabit)#Like every culture agrees that people have both 'masculine' and 'feminine' within them but on entry to the earth the vast majority of peopl#are placed within a role that rewards either 'masculine' or 'feminine' but not both. and of course everyone continues to be both but#theyve still been placed in one role.#To be honest i think we need to rid ourselves of the idea of gender as something innate even though its nice to teach to well-meaning#liberal cis people. 'born this way' dogma was a useful vehicle to pitch existence in but its unhelpful when queer people actually act like#its the whole truth and nothing but the truth.#dont get me wrong i couldnt be a girl cause i self destructed and died and that was just something within me. totally that is a thing 100%.#hashtag born this way. but just because it doesnt go that far for some people doesnt mean that theyre Innately Cis. it means they accept#their circumstance and r priviledged to be able to do so. thats what cis means#to be clear: i say being cis is the result of grooming. thats not to say that people who reject cisness are smarter or more radical#necessarily or doing the right thing. some people stay cis and push the boundaries of that role wherever possible and thats just as radical#i think in fact its more radical than trans people who ruthlessly uphold gender roles#tldr its not a moral failure to identify with ur assigned gender and to argue that would be incredibly ridiculous#but the only reason u feel identification with it at all is because of the grooming. shrug emoji.#oliver talks#gender#gender abolition#gender assignment is grooming & its violence & its awful#ted talk over#Disclaimer if anyone wants to pick a fight that i do literally identify as trans so take of that what you will
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homoeroticvillain · 9 months ago
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picked up my guitar for the first time in years, please be proud of me
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