#i dont feel like i exist still. none of this feels real.
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orcelito · 10 months ago
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Ykno they say that grief makes time strange but genuinely everything between February 17th and now, the 29th, is just. Nonexistent.
I could not tell you what I've done on most of these days. They just do not exist in my brain.
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phagodyke · 7 months ago
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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cherry-shipping · 2 years ago
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goddamn i gotta figure out what the hell my horrortale self insert does in the underground. i know everything about their life before that and HOW they get there but i have no idea what the fuck they do once theyre actually DOWN there
also i ran out of tags im saying this here as an addition so you know why they just sorta end abruptly. lol. everyone say thank you to my habit of talking in the tags cause i dont want people to see the shit i say
#cherry chats#i wrote down all their rich lore i dont think i ever posted it and i doubt i ever will#not cause i dont wanna in fact its the opposite but itd basically be a huge trauma dump and theres not a person on earth whod wana hear that#and i also wouldnt wanna subject anyone to that cause its not really their problem lol#not that i mind talking about it or whatever. but still itd put whoever this theoretical person im tellin it to in an uncomfortable position#so eh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ bottom line is evil shit hospital -> escapes and is chased up the mountain -> jumps down a big hole lawl#but anyway i have no idea what the fuck they do once theyre down there#i mightve said this already but theyre really resilient towards the conditions down there? theyve never eaten real food and they dont feel#hunger (arfid yo 👍) so if you tried to give them proper food theyd be like. i dont know what to do with this ?#and theyre used to the cold cause of how shit that goddamn hospital was so even when theyre going through snowdin barefoot theyre like.#ok this is fine ^_^#theyre also used to physical pain and also theyre on 800 different messed up meds so if they get hurt that hardly bothers them#its like. a numb sort of pain. like the phantom pains you get when you get injured or killed in a dream#they also think sans is really funny even when he tries to get under their skin with morbid humor#their whole existence is basically morbid so theyre just like hehehe ^_^ your funny#BUT NONE OF THAT EXPLAINS WHAT THE HELL THEY DO IN THE UNDERGROUND!!!!!!!!!#i guess for starters theres no way theyd ever wanna go BACK to the surface so jot that down#i guess. maybe since they wouldnt have access to the medication and drugs theyre always on theyd change?#i think theyd go from a foggy detached empty dissociative state to being actually AWARE for once#after theyve been there for a little while maybe theyd even start. brace yourselves. FEEL things#like uh. emotions. and stuff like that#so instead of an empty miserable shell theyd be able to experience excitement or curiosity. or the human emotion called friendship#do they……… live with sans and papyrus? thatd make the most sense i guess#also thats the only place theyd be safe from being eaten alive lol#i guess they could live with toriel? maybe they go back to the ruins after theyve escaped#but then they couldnt hang out with sans and papyrus as much. and thats lame#maybe they live with the skelebros under the guise of being some sort of weird. pet or something#ummm. nah……. thats weird#ok so i guess i dont know what the hell my self insert does in the underground only how they change when they grt there. whatever#its not like im a WRITER. i dont know all this stuff what do you thinj i am omniscient????
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somefisher · 7 months ago
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Im gonna throw up im sick of feeling awful all the time
#dont want this to become a vent accoutn but i dont like venting on servers ����#anyway i cant tell whats wrong with me. i dont even know if this is even depression i think i just really hate myself guys#because ive been depressed my whole life and i know what that feels like? maybe its a different kind. i got depression v2.0#but what do i even do about hating myself . like how do i even fix that.#i get mad at myself for not doing anything and then i actually accomplish something and im like. you didnt do it well enough? hello#i think one of my biggest current problems is that i dont like anything. like nothing is enjoyable to me anymore enough to commit to it#but i dont have anything else to do right now so im just sitting around wasting away and starting things but not finishing them#like what am i supposed to do. im not unhappy all the time but nothing is fun im just existing#i was joking but maybe I actually did unlock depression 2#which is another problem because none of my mental illnesses have ever been treated in a helpful way in my entire life#and i have some kind of if not multiple undiagnosed neurodivergences definitely. but im scared to try and get them diagnosed#because the last time i did i got told it was anxiety (IT WAS NOT I DONT HAVE ANXIETY ANYMORE AND I STILL HAVE THE SAME PROBLEMS)#and i cant even get anything done because i need help to do anything!#i feel so useless i cant do anything on my own because i just dont care enough id rather just like. sit here and die i guess#like im not even close to being s******* i know what thats like and its so much worse. thats part of why i feel so bad im not even that SAD#i just dont care. i think ssris fucked up my brain can i be real#oughh whatever. rant over back to playing pokemon#vent#talking#can i get an emotion. please one spare emotion#reading all of this back i truly think i just need to be pit on stimulants. but how do i get there i dont even have a psych rn...
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thedevotionaltour · 11 months ago
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anyone else ever remember how they are gonna end up in some dead end soul sucking job instead of the actual career they wanna pursue because they are far too unskilled for it. just me. awesome.
#sometimes i get a twinge of hope bc my classmates will say nice things and then i remember the reality that exists and is real.#where i just suck. i lack so much technical skill. i feel like i have to reteach myself how to draw constantly. my style is not distinct.#it looks like the quality of a middle schooler's sketchbook where it's a drawing they're proud of but in comparison to anything else#it is just garbage. utter garbage.#i have been in such a horrific slump of feeling about what i make. and i tell my therapist about it. and he never ever actually reassures m#doesnt tell me to maybe ask if im being unfair in my standards. or says i should have some more compassion towards myself.#or finds it an issue in regards to my generally low self esteem. im so fucking tired of being told well. you can always go back to school#to pursue something else after wasting all your fucking time on this stupid fucking degree that will get you nowhere!#i feel hopeless! so utterly fucking hopeless! it doesnt matter when my peers with more skill than me say they like my work bc im positive#they are just being nice. i cant imagine you look at your work and then mine and still find it good and having worth. i cant.#i cant make anything good. im so tired of not being able to make anything good. im tired of not being able to have the motivation to do wor#in my own time to help improve my work because im too fucking tired because im too fucking depressed to do anything. im a failure.#im literally watching myself become a failure in real time and i cant stand it some days. genuinely what a waste.#i dont know what gave me the right to think i could possibly succeed at this. i feel like an idiot for wasting so much time and money.#im not saying this to seek pity or comfort either. im just talking about how i feel. because it just sucks. it just sucks#it sucks to know you will never make it. because even on the days you think maybe you can. it just comes crashing down again to remembering#oh. i wont. because i have none of what it takes for it at all.#man. what even ever at this point. who cares. i'll get over it. it just sucks.#vent.txt
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the-flaneur · 29 days ago
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four-tune favours the bold (mv1)
pairing: max verstappen x alonso!reader [smau]
summary: having won his fourth world title, max finds no better time to tell your father that you're dating (and to maybe also get his blessing)
warnings: none (i think)
a/n: now that we finally have M4X (yipeeeeee), can we please get goatlonso back, preferably in the next few years (pls let the newey rocketship work)
[masterlist] [requests]
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-> instagram
y/n_priv
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liked by fatherofthree, blackdontcrack, inchident_no1 and others
y/n_priv reactions after max told me he had told dad about us (he lied)
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blackdontcrack max stop sending your girlfriend into a heart attack, she's already getting one from your kids
fatherofthree she learnt that one from you and roscoe 💀 blackdontcrack HEY. my son is very well behaved
notnowinsnomore I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WONT JUST TELL HIM, IT'S NOT THAT HARD MAX
fatherofthree DO YOU WANT TO TELL HIM FOR ME 🤨🤨🤨 notnowinsnomore NO???? DO YOU THINK I WANT TO DIE??? notnowinsnomore IT'S ALSO YOUR RELATIONSHIP, NOT MINE
honeyhoney you've got to give him like 10 years to process that you're even in the same social sphere as his daughter...good luck man
fatherofthree thanks dan 😖 fatherofthree padel later? y/n_priv no? we have our date??? 😧😧😧 honeyhoney you beating up max now y/nnie? y/n_priv 😁👍
yourbff_priv babes ditch the men for me 😍
y/n_priv yes wifey 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 fatherofthree @/yourbff_priv stop stealing MY girlfriend yourbff_priv skill issue
fatherofthree
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liked by y/n_priv, inchident_no1, notnowinsnomore and others
fatherofthree stopped her from becoming blonde and still got kisses xoxo
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notnowinsnomore that second picture is exactly is what's gonna put you on top of fernando's kill list
fatherofthree no it wont notnowinsnomore yes it will inchident_no1 yes it will blackdontcrack yes it will honeyhoney yes it will ima5starmichelin yes it will buzzlightyear yes it will y/n_priv yes it will fatherofthree ok maybe it will. but fernando doesn't need to know
inchident_no1 your rendition of my heart goes on is truly...
y/n_priv truly what CHARLES? say it with your pussy fatherofthree YEAH WHAT SHE SAID inchident_no1 rubbish 🙄 y/n_priv BOOOOOOO YOU'RE RUBBISH
y/n_priv
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liked by fatherofthree, spicysugarbaby, inchident_no1 and others
y/n_priv PUTTING IT ALL ON BLACK! VIVA LAS VEGAS BABY 🤩 YOU ARE WELCOME TO JOIN US AT THE MGM UNTIL THURSDAY MORNING @/f1
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inchident_no1 should've bet on red 😉 wouldn't have lost you 100k
spicysugarbaby agreed 🤭 blackdontcrack well i SEVERELY disagree since we won 250k on the next spin on black so.... fatherofthree I LEAVE YOU ALONE WITH THEM FOR 10 MINUTES AND YOU'VE ALREADY BET 250K??? y/n_priv yeah but it's an investment babe 😘
antman can i join you guys? 🥺🥺🥺
y/n_priv not yet little kimi, in another three years (i think; i'll take you to the casino then myself ☺️) y/n_priv and yes you too @/we_are_barebears we_are_barebears YESSSSS 😌
f1 can i come over pls pls
y/n_priv of course admin ❤️ f1 yay 😁
-> messages
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-> instagram
yourusername
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liked by maxverstappen1, lewishamilton, fernandoalo_oficial and others
yourusername feeling right at home here, dressed and betting on red
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user1 HOLY LORD MOTHER IS FINALLY BACK TO SERVE CUNT IN THE PADDOCK 🥵🥵🥵
user2 the sexy spanish alonso genes are real with this one yourusername i would hope so! 🥱 user3 istg ive never seen a spanish person look bad in red
user4 GOD REALLY GIVES US Y/N AS AN APOLOGY CAUSE HOW DOES SHE EXIST????
user5 she's literally a goddess on earth user6 the face economy is unreal with her 😍 yourusername cant just be a nepo baby, gotta make papa proud 😘
user7 super hyped for vegas now that you're here with us y/n 🤩
user8 hopefully we see another alonso top 10 (i can copium for a top 6) user9 he will literally dnf everyone if it means y/n gets to see him podium or win again (2023 was literally iconic) yourusername papa will be ready to make stroll do crashgate 😉 (but i've asked him to refrain for this weekend) user10 ya'll y/n's cooking 😌😌😌
user11 ERM ANYONE GONNA BRING UP PIC 3 CAUSE....
user12 YA'LL GIRLIE I WAS GONNA SAY THE SAME THING user13 who's that @/yourusername 🤨 user14 who's that @/yourusername 🤨 yourusername no comment 🥺👉👈 user15 whoever that is do be looking fine affff user16 also probably fearing for his life, considering she's got like ten godfathers and then over twenty drivers ready to bash a man for her 💀💀💀
user17 THE FERRARI AURA IS STRONG WITH THIS ONE 😆
fernandoalo_oficial who's that princessa
yourusername i will tell you soon papa 😁
maxverstappen1
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liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, landonorris and others
maxverstappen1 suited up and ready to take on vegas. 💪 bring on the race 🎰
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user18 STILL COOKING WITH A SLIGHTLY COOKED CAR, LETS GET TITLE NUMBER 4 💪💪💪
user19 literally salivating over pic one, cause he's so fine 🥵
user20 waiting for "2024 fia f1 world champion is max verstappen"
user21 SIMPLY LOVELY PUTTING YOURSELF INTO A STRONG POSITION
user22 getting the ladies i see in pic two 🤣
user23 he knows what he wants, and what he's going to get afterwards 😏
user24 VIVA LAS VEGASSSSSS, GETTING READY TO RUMBLE
-> twitter
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-> irl
as max stepped out of the cockpit of his red bull - his gloved hands trembling slightly - he could feel the relief coursing through him, palpable even under the thick layers of his racing suit and balaclava. the cold autumn air nipped at his damp skin, but he barely noticed, lost in the overwhelming rush of emotions.
after a very, very long season, filled with challenges both in and out of the car, he had finally done it…he had won his fourth world championship. 
as he stood there under the vegas lights, savoring this triumphant moment in front of the roaring crowd, his thoughts drifted to you.
throughout the year, your presence had always been a beacon amidst the chaos, a constant reminder of what truly mattered to him beyond the roar of engines and the glare of millions of fans. as he ran towards his team, his chest pounding and blood rushing in his ears, he thought of your earlier message, and his heart swelled with affection for you. he knew now was finally the perfect opportunity to share his love for you with the rest of the world.
as you watched max leap into the waiting arms of his jubilant crew, who slapped his back, clapping and cheering, chanting his name, you tried furiously to blink away the tears. your boyfriend had finally achieved his fourth world title, and he was making both of your wishes come true.
walking over to the other drivers, max felt the hand of another behind him. turning around, the butterflies in his stomach heaved once again, coming face to face with your father, fernando alonso. max's exuberant gaze locked onto the figure before him, and as their eyes met, max felt the familiar flutter of nervousness in his chest, a sensation he'd grown accustomed to whenever thinking of you and your father.
"max," fernando greeted him warmly, extending a strong hand. "congratulations. you've earned every bit of this championship." max clapped his hand firmly, trying to hide the slight tremble behind his grin. "thank you, fernando,”
max blushed for a second, as fernando leant up to pinch his cheeks, while also grinning widely at him. as fernando's gaze lingered on max, he thought for a second that he had found out about the two of you, and was instead ready to pull him by the cheek in for a very obvious threat and kick to the balls.
"i must say," fernando began, his tone sincere, "you've shown remarkable resilience this season. much like myself. i hope to see you continue working hard for many years," his words carried a hint of approval.
max swallowed hard, his mind racing, as he opened his mouth to speak.
“i-i’m dating your daughter,” max’s heart pounded in his chest, the words tumbling from his lips before he could stop them. fernando’s expression remained jubilant, but there was a glimmer of something unreadable in his eyes. the air between them seemed to crackle with tension.
“i…i didn’t know she was seeing someone,” fernando said slowly, his voice low and controlled, as he waved to the crowd, whilst pulling max towards the other drivers. there was no denying the facts now – fernando knew about their relationship. and while max couldn’t read the older man’s thoughts, he felt a surge of nervous energy course through him. would this revelation change things? between him and fernando?
as if sensing his turmoil, fernando turned back around abruptly, causing max to jump slightly.
fernando studied max intently, his expression unreadable. then, slowly, a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "but i'm glad to hear that it's you max. my daughter deserves nothing less than the best."
with those words, fernando extended his hand once more, this time with a newfound warmth that spoke volumes. max grasped it firmly, sealing a silent pact between them. as they released their grip, fernando placed a hand on max's shoulder, pulling him in. "but listen closely mijo," he said, still grinning but his voice low and conspiratorial, "you mess with my daughter, and i will not hesitate to run you off the track or run you over. if you care for her, then show her that she's your number one priority, both on and off the track."
max felt a chill run down his spine at fernando's warning, but he also sensed a strange kind of respect behind it. this was a man who protected his family fiercely, and max wanted nothing more than to earn his place within that circle.
"yes, sir," he replied fervently, meeting fernando's intense stare head-on. "she is my priority, always. i promise you, i'll do whatever it takes to make her happy and keep her safe." fernando studied him for a long moment, searching for any sign of doubt. finally, he gave a curt nod, releasing max's shoulder.
"alright then," he said, "just remember what i told you. and welcome to the family, officially." as fernando walked away, max took a deep breath, his mind already racing. he glanced around at the celebrating crowd, their faces alight with joy and admiration, and couldn't help but feel a sense of pride swell within him.
but more than anything, max yearned to share this moment with you, to bask in the glow of his victory together and celebrate the love that had sustained him throughout the season. max scanned the bustling crowd, his eyes searching for a glimpse of your familiar features amidst the sea of faces. spotting you lingering nervously near the red bull personnel, he pushed through the throng of people, making a beeline directly for you. as he drew nearer, you couldn't help but notice the look of pure adoration etched across his handsome features. his dark hair was damp with sweat, his broad shoulders still trembling slightly from the exertion of the race. but his eyes shone brightly with triumph and something far warmer - his love for you.
"y/n!" he called out, his voice ringing above the din of the party. pulling you through the celebrating crowd, he wrapped you up in a crushing embrace, lifting you off your feet. you melted into his embrace, pouring every ounce of your joy, pride, and adoration into it.
your laughter mingled with the roar of the crowd as max set you back on your feet, his hands lingering on your waist. he gazed into your eyes, his own shimmering with unshed tears of happiness. in that moment, the rest of the world faded away, leaving only the two of you, suspended in a bubble of pure bliss.
"y/n," max whispered, his voice thick with emotion, "i did it. we did it." he pressed his forehead against yours, savoring the warmth of your skin and the closeness that came with sharing such an intimate moment.
your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer until your lips met in a searing kiss, pouring years of shared dreams and unspoken promises into that single, passionate gesture. the world around them melted away as max lost himself in the taste and feel of your lips, his body molding perfectly against yours. his hands roamed over your curves, tracing the contours he knew so well, as if mapping out the path to your heart.
when you finally broke apart, both panting for air, max rested his forehead against yours, his eyes shining with a mixture of triumph and tenderness. "i want to spend the rest of my life making you feel this way," he murmured, his voice rough with emotion. "i want to wake up every morning with you by my side and fall asleep every night in your arms."
he reached into his pocket, his fingers brushing against the small velvet box that had been burning a hole there since the day he decided to propose. max dropped to one knee, his heart pounding in his chest as he gazed up at you with a look of pure adoration. the crowd around them seemed to hold its collective breath, the anticipation palpable in the air.
with trembling hands, max opened the box, revealing a stunning diamond ring nestled within. the stone glittered under the bright lights of the track, casting glittering cascades of light across your face.
"y/n," max began, his voice steady despite the overwhelming emotions coursing through him, "from the moment we met, you've been the driving force behind everything i've achieved. your love, support, and unwavering belief in me have pushed me to become the best version of myself, both on and off the track."
he paused, swallowing hard as he fought back the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes.
"marry me," max breathed, his voice barely above a whisper. "become my wife. let's race through life together because i want to spend the rest of my life with you, and no one else, i love you,"
with a shaky nod, you sank to your knees before him, cupping his face in your hands as you peppered his cheeks with tender kisses. "yes," you whispered, your voice choked with emotion. "a thousand times yes."
max slid the ring onto your finger, and pulling you up with him to your feet. spinning you around once more, your laughter ringing out like the sweetest melody. the crowd surged forward, enveloping you both in a sea of congratulations and well-wishes, their excitement nearly tangible in the air.
as the celebrations continued around them, max pulled you close, his lips finding yours in a passionate kiss that left no doubt about the depth of his love and commitment. in that moment, surrounded by the people who mattered most, max knew that this was just the beginning of a lifetime of victories, both on and off the track.
-> instagram
yourusername
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liked by maxverstappen1, lewishamilton, charles_leclerc and others
yourusername I LOVE LAS VEGAS BABYYYYY 😘 but in all honesty, i'm so so so proud of you max (more than words or actions could ever express). seeing you grow throughout the past four years into the champion you are today, is more than any gift i could ever receive. there were far more battles and challenges from this season, but you rose above them every time. you are a champion, both on and off the racetrack and you will never be alone in this world, as long as i'm here. keep them coming baby. i love you, forever and always 🧡
comments on this post have been limited
maxverstappen1 i love you very much schatje, thank you for always being there for me 😘
fernandoalo_oficial i am very happy for the both of you 😁👍
yourusername thank you papa ☺️ promise me you wont shunt into max next race? fernandoalo_oficial no promises sorry princessa 🤭
maxverstappen1
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liked by landonorris, francolapinto, yourusername and others
maxverstappen1 four time world champion baby!!! a season full of challenges, but with the support, dedication and the effort of the team, this result would not have been possible 🙌 a huge thank you to all involved for this incredible achievement 👏
and i just want to say the biggest thank you to the love of my life, my girlfriend of four years, and now my fiancee, y/n alonso. i love you so much, and i can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you (even if your dad wants to run me over now)
comments on this post have been limited
yourusername i love you more than anything else in this world maxie 🧡
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permanent f1 taglist (comment or msg me to join)
@charlesgirl16 @tallrock35 @sweate-r-weathe-r @unlikelystay @alex-wotton
@daisyfreecs @euphorihan @louloucs @oikarma @dying-inside-but-its-classy
@fadingcloudballoon @princessminjikwon @chick-from-nz @nina-or-anna-or-nora
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© the-flanuer || do not copy, rewrite or translate any of my work on any platform.
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etherealkissed88 · 10 months ago
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you are always embodying a version of you 🍭
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“ive been feeling stuck for 2 years” -> embodying that state
“its not gonna manifest” -> embodying that state
“she still didnt text me back” -> embodying that state
when you assume its nothing is changing, you are simply embodying that version of you who believes that. you are always embodying a version of you out of the infinite versions of you that already exist.
there is no “original” state or “realer” state. even if the state is expressed in the imaginary 3d, it is not “realer” than any other state. we know the 3d is neutral and doesnt mean anything so giving value to something in the 3d makes no sense.
remember that you are the self that occupies states. these states mean nothing without you. states are useless bubbles without you embodying/occupying it. even when you embody them they are nothing bc you always assign meaning.
next time you feel like youre “stuck”, know its all just a state and theres nothing to be afraid of. states are below you, states need you, you (self) dont need states. you are beyond these “im stuck” states. there is no “struggle,” there is only states being embodied. you can simply embody another state (regardless of the 3d). be the desired version of you.
when you feel stuck:
know its only a state, you are always embodying a state (so theres nothing to be afraid of bc its just a state) and identify the state you are currently embodying that doesnt serve you
embody a different, better state via deciding or techniques + fulfill
its so simple. it seems harder because you think what the human self is experiencing in the 3d is the “real” thing when in reality, none of it is real (bc everything is neutral) and you choose what to experience and you are instantly any version if you that you choose.
the funny thing is that while you search for answers “outside” of you, the solution is literally the version of you you are embodying. you are the problem and solution. you see how you always have full control even when you dont realize it? something that helps me is: if i was this desired version of me, would i care about (blah blah)? that helps me embody a more beneficial state.
once you embody a version of you, its done. its already yours. creation is finished yes? remember how i said there are always infinite versions of you? exactly. you arent creating anything, you are only being. so once you become a version of you, everything changes and that is who you are. there is nothing else to do but know its done bc it is. stop falling into the “im stuck” loop and know that is only what youre embodying.
be sexy and change states 💋🍫
kisses, jani ☆
1K notes · View notes
the-record · 1 year ago
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WHEN YOU KNOW
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SYNOPSIS: inspired by ‘margaret’ by lana 🫶
PAIRING: ellie williams x fem!reader
WARNINGS: none
A/N: this is so stupid i LOVE it , love at first sight trope 🧎
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ellie didnt mind parties. the people weren’t always great, but it was good to sell and it made her friends happy.
she liked to sit on the couch with a blunt and people watch, dina chatting away in her ear or singing at jessie. abby trying to find her pic of the night with some help from ellie.
but tonight was boring. dina had run away to dance, pulling jessie with her. abby had an away game, states away. she sat on the couch alone, bored now.
and then she saw you. she thanked a god she didnt know existed that abby wasn’t there that night.
ellie watched for a moment as you grabbed a drink, waiting to see if you found a friend. but when five minutes passed and you still stood there, eyes floating around as you slowly sipped, she made her way over.
“hey,” you jumped a little as she spoke and she smiled softly. “shit, sorry. didn’t mean to scare you.” but you shook your head and laughed. “i’m ellie.”
“angel.” she hummed in response, a questioning tone to it. “what?”
ellie clicked her tongue. “angel? that you’re real name?”
“is ellie yours?” she nodded. “huh. well, maybe if you’re nice enough you can learn the real one.” you smiled teasingly at her.
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“you ever gonna tell me your name?” ellie’s arms rested on the window frame of your car door. “i thought i was nice.”
you laughed softly and kissed her cheek. “goodnight ellie.”
she sighed and pulled back, a blush rising to her face, and she watched as you drove away from the party. watching even after your car disappeared and you with it.
an arm slung around her and ellie stumbled as she caught dina’s weight. “good god, how much did you drink?”
dina giggled as jesse caught up to the both of them, her coat and his keys in hand. “just hold her while i bring the car around?” ellie nodded and watched jesse jog off.
“who was that girl?” dina wondered.
ellie smiled softly. “no idea.”
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yourusername followed you.
elliewilliams followed you.
angel: hey :)))
ellie: hello
e: three smiles??? way to make a girl feel special
a: mmm i try my best
e: nice name.
a: why thank you
a: whats ur weekend look like?
e: possibly busy, possibly absolutely nothing. why, someone wanna know??
a: no…
e: busy sunday night, but free otherwise
a: good.
e: and whys that?
a: ur taking me out friday night? obv.
e: damn ur right
e: mb thats on me
a: yes. so 8 pm ill send u my addy
e: addy??
a: i speak drug dealer
e: goodbye 😭
e: u ever smoked?
a: i hit a vape
e: …
a: once.
e: once again
e: goodbye 😭
a: nvm dont come on friday
e: waijikitjrjrjrjjrjrjr no
e: ill be there
e: 8pm sharp
e: forgive me :(
a: okay!
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ellie: oh me oh MYYYYYYYYY
dina: oh lord
jesse: no 🫶
ellie: pls!!!
ellie: GUYS PLEASE
dina: what.
ellie: ur honor i love her
jesse: yall havent been out yet??????
dina: lord.
ellie: STOP?
dina: no 🫶
jesse: mcscuse me thats my line
dina: ull make it
jesse: 😥
ellie: BACK TO ME PLS
ellie: 8pm on friday
dina: NO.
jesse: ABSOLUTELY NOT.
ellie: guys ily PLEASE.
dina: NO??
jesse: sigh.
ellie: HELL YEAAAAAA
dina: JESSE?????
jesse: 🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅
dina: ihy all
dina: why are u bailing on ussddsss
dina: u must really like her
ellie: a LOT.
ellie: idk i just
ellie: ive got a feeling
jesse: when you know, you know
dina: blegh
jesse: UR MY GIRLFRIEND????????
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snow was falling outside as you and ellie stood just outside your door. “so.” you whispered.
“so.” she whispered back. “snow. on our first date. seems like a sign.”
“oh yea?” she hummed back. “and how’s it a sign?”
she pretended to think for a moment. “i love snow. only brings good things.”
“oh, so im only good now.” ellie blushed as you teased her
“i didnt say that. you’re more than good. great.”
you nodded. “amazing? perfect?”
“no, not yet.” ellie fiddled with your hands as she leaned against your door.
“oh so whats gonna make it perfect?”
“a kiss.”
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ellie: IM PROPOSING
dina: ELLIE STFU
jesse: noo shh let the woman speak
ellie: thanks jesse.
dina: shh jesse.
dina: so that good then?
ellie: SIGH 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠
jesse: oh lord.
ellie: shes so pretty
dina: mhm.
ellie: and so kind
jesse: mhm.
ellie: and a great kisser 🫠
dina: lovely
jesse: when u know
dina: u know.
ellie: i know.
941 notes · View notes
gay-dorito-dust · 3 months ago
Note
Hii i’m not sure if you’re taking requests or not but if you areeee
Can you write smth about Ford x reader where they obviously got a crush on each other (but they dont confess they’re shyly dumb) but the crush got bigger bc reader decides to peck Ford on the cheek as a “Thank you” bc he helped them with smth, yanno yanno :33
Ps: I really really love your writing waaa keep up the good work!!
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The crush you harbour on Ford and him on you was the least subtle thing ever, everyone could see the way you looked at each other as though the other hung the stars in the sky; you were both smitten kittens but were too scared to admit it for one reason or another.
You didn’t know when exactly you started having a crush on Ford, you merely assumed that was always the case ever since you met the man with the beautiful brown eyes, and you were perfectly content with that but what you weren’t content with was how everyone wanted you to confess.
‘He doesn’t like me like that, I’m not sure he likes anyone within a romantic aspect.’ You’d use as your excuse whenever anyone brings up the fact that you had yet to bear your heart to Ford.
‘Then you haven’t seen the way he looks at you.’ They’d respond and you could only look at them as though they’ve grown a second head. However they spoke the truth as Ford was equally as infatuated with you and would find himself pushing back the work he didn’t think required all his attention, all in favour of spending time with you whether it be star gazing or anomaly hunting.
Ford couldn’t remember the last time he felt light on his feet, head in the clouds and as though he was thirty years younger then he actually was and it was all thanks to you. While he wants to confess he found himself unable to do so when he looked into your eyes and found everything he could ever wish for within them; only to end up speechless as your eyes flickered with multiple emotions at once as he remained stood still as a statue, staring at you with a fondness within his eyes as you spoke random things to fill the silence.
This half attempts to confess -or lack there of an attempt- was enough to annoy the people close to you both as Stanley wants to put his head through a wall, Dipper vowed to himself to never be this bad and Mabel was on the verge of screaming at you both to kiss and get it over with at this point; the slow burn was killing her with how hesitant or chocked up you both become in each others presence.
They just wanted you two to cut the bullshit and start being a couple, solely just to make up for the months they’ve all have to suffer from seeing you both obviously pine for one another.
So currently you and Ford were looking for a so called ‘flying pig that may or may not be waddles parent or ancestor’ as Mabel had said to you both that very morning. So when Ford asked dipper if this was true, you swore you’ve never seen a boy sweat as much as Dipper did when he tried his hardest to convince you both that such a creature exists within the woods; you and Ford shared a look that spoke your unwillingness to believe, before agreeing to go out and look for this flying pig that may or may not be waddles’s ancestor.
‘Even if this flying pig is waddles’s ancestor, wouldn’t waddles also have wings by that logic?’ You asked.
‘Not necessarily my dear as the wings could be a hereditary trait that can skip multiple generations and appear in someone later down the line.’ Ford replied as he pushed up his glasses that were slipping down his nose, ‘however even I have to admit that this flying pig phenomena being real is slim to none despite everything else we’ve encountered here.’ He adds and you couldn’t help but laugh.
‘Then the billboard should read as this: Gravity falls, we’ve got everything to satisfy a diehard supernatural fanatic, just no flying pigs.’ You said in a goofy voice as you playfully nudge Ford in the side as he smiled softly, looking at you and feeling his heart become full; but before he could say anything a demonic squeal echoed throughout the forest causing you both to stop just as the birds stopped chirping.
Ford instinctively stood in front of you protectively as you tried to deduct where the blood curdling squeal came from. ‘What was that?’ You whispered my resting your chin on Ford’s shoulder as he reached for the gun at his hip upon instinct.
‘No clue dearest but I believe we might’ve found our anomaly.’ Ford replied lowly for only you to hear, only for the sound of wings beating filled your ears as a plump silhouette of a winged creature could be seen from a distance. You couldn’t help stop yourself from commenting ‘that could be a thousand things before it could be a flying pig-‘ just before you could finish the sentence the plump silhouette must’ve spotted you as it started flying towards you both at high speed; it was downright frighting.
‘FLYING PIG!’ You screamed the moment the figure got close enough to identify as both yourself and Ford ran began to run away from it as fast as your legs could carry you. ‘And here I thought Mabel had eating too much of that edible glitter and hallucinated.’ You added as Ford quickly took your hand in his, intertwining your fingers as he pulled you with him to hide behind a random tree, pulling you in close to his chest where you could hear his heart against your ear.
The demonic flying pig flew past you and it was them did you notice how massive those wings were for a creature that was of the same size of an average adult pig, but still it was scary to see a pig with teeth as sharp as razors; what was even more scary was the fact that pigs would eat anything and everything. You cuddled up closer to Ford instinctively as he held you close in order to comfort you. ‘It’s okay my dear, it’s gone now.’ He whispered against your head, kissing it as his hands rubbed up and down your back. ‘It must’ve gotten mad that we were within its territory and felt the need to scare us off.’
‘Well consider this officially scared off.’ You muttered against his turtlenecks finding the honest comfort and protection within his scent as you allowed it to invade your senses.
‘We’ll go back home and forget that we were almost flying pig food and watch some movies while drinking hot chocolate. How does that sound my dear?’ Ford asked and before his brain could comprehend what had happened, you had kissed his cheek and Ford felt his cheeks blossom with heat and his eyes widened.
‘That sounds perfect as long as I’m with you to do all of that of course.’ You replied softly as you looked at Ford with a soft, almost pleading expression and Ford felt his resolve crumble to dust as he averts his gaze from you.
‘I would love nothing more my dear.’ He admits and you were quick to clutch his hand in yours and drag him from your hiding place and begin your walk back to the shack, all the while keeping your wits about you in regards to one flying demon pig. ‘Then it’s a date!’ You exclaimed as you could hear Ford choke on nothing behind you, which only made you smile.
You’ll tell Mabel that you didn’t see a flying pig, but got a date out of trying to make up for the disappointment.
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animeyanderelover · 6 months ago
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Anon: Could i request platonic yandere machi and yandere chrollo, pakunoda, uvogin, franklin, hisoka feitan, nobunga, kortopi with machi’s older brother who has all the powers and power level of saiki kusuo, and so hes really infamous due to his powers even if they dont know his face or how he looks like, and also kind of protective of machi due to the work she does and also willing to help her out in missions even though he is not part of the spiders. But only if Machi is in trouble and is not as willing to help if its because other members are in trouble. Also i feel like reader would come really handy after chrollo lost his nen, not even just for communicating but also for helping him exorcise the nen bc in the real anime he showed us that he could restore life so i would doubt that there is anything saiki couldnt do.
I have not watched Saiki K so I had to read through an article to understand his powers and what I understood from it is that this dude can basically do everything. Also, considering that both Machi and Saiki have pink hair they may as well be siblings an an alternitive timeline. Obviously Machi is platonic in here but I also made Kortopi platonic whilst the rest leans into the romantic obsession. I also kind of connected everyone's Hc's in the sense that all of them develop an obsession for male reader here.
Tw: Yandere themes, possessive behavior, clinginess, stalking, Hisoka creepiness, protective behavior, manipulation, male s/o
Tags: @jamayah @chxxz @leveyani @cynniical @shenryu-sama @maggiequinn59
Machi's brother with powers like Saiki Kusuo
The Phantom Troupe are like the spiders that adorn their bodies as a tattoo. They hide in every nook and cranny to get their hands on the goods that they desire to claim. Tales of your existence are only shared in the darkest slums or the highest societies, your Nen hailed as the strongest in existence. None of those people have a connection to you as strong as the Phantom Troupe though yet they are simultanously closer yet also still as far away from you as everyone else. Machi has sworn loyalty to the troupe from the moment they were founded by Chrollo and has confessed that this legendary figure is none other than her older brother. Intrest in you had been there from the moment of that reveal and it is still there even to this day as Chrollo even intended to have you join the troupe as well yet from what Machi told everyone you were a lone wolf who only really cared about your younger sister and who most likely wouldn't bother helping other members. True to her word in all the years none of them ever saw you. It isn't until the unfortunate encounter with Kurapika that Machi decides to ask for your help and, though reluctantly, you agree.
Chrollo Lucilfer
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📖Chrollo's interest in you has festered over the years as you are an anomaly to him, someone he can't get his hands on. There has always been far too little information about you as truth couldn't be separated from rumors and even Machi, the greatest source of information, has always been guarded about the knowledge she revealed about you. Chrollo has decided to respect her decision to not reveal any information about you though even if it doesn't satiate the growing dark tear in him that longs to be filled with the knowledge of you and your Nen. As unfortunate as the encounter with the chain user has been for him and the troupe, at least it hasn't been a complete loss to him as you travel to their current hideout. Dark eyes gauge your every reaction from the moment you appear as if you were a frog and he the hawk planning to catch you. Only that you are no mere prey as you soon showcase. Not only do you exorcise Kurapika's Nen from him but on a sudden whim you even decide to use Restoration to revive Pakunoda and Uvogin, two spiders who did in Yorknew City. Your Nen exceeds everything the rumors say and it is then that he knows he can't let you leave again.
📖​Normally he would simply use his Nen to steal your abilities from you yet there are two factors that make this all quite difficult. After all you are Machi's older brother and as loyal as Machi is to him she would be opposed to the idea of her leader stealing your Nen. Then there is also you who does not trust him in the least and additionally knows of his Nen and how it works. Obviously you wouldn't trust him then as soon as he attempts to question you about how your Nen works. Convincing you to stay after you have done what you have deemed to be necessary is difficult as you have no interest to join the troupe or to become an ally. Chrollo still tries to engage you as he does his best to prolong your stay as long as possible by providing you with all comfort and things you like and enjoy. What is it that you really want? How can he bind you to the troupe, specifically to him? He tries to read through your bored face as he attempts to piece together the puzzle that is you. He can't let you escape his grasp now that he finally has you in front of him after years of waiting for this chance.
Feitan Portor
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☠️​Feitan can't quite get along with you at first. He only accepts your presence because you are here to help Chrollo and just like everyone, except Machi who doesn't look overly surprised, he is left in shock when you even restore two deceased members of the troupe. With such power comes the unavoidable caution and distrust in him though. He knew that your Nen was refered to as the strongest for a reason yet he would have never thought it to be to this extent. You're neither a member nor do you call yourself an ally so having you in the hideout of the Phantom Troupe is a dangerous gamble in his eyes and he only grows more hostile when he realises how much interest other members start to have in you. He has voiced his worries to Chrollo who assured him that you wouldn't do anything as you, even if begrudgingly, respected Machi's own desires and wishes. The interest his leader has in you is at that point obvious to him and he silently wonders if you have put a spell on all of them as he seethes with silent anger.
☠️​It is when he realises how dismissive and disrespectful you are around other members, especially Chrollo who they all respect, that he snaps and requests if he can talk to you alone. His voice is a low hiss as he tells you that he doesn't trust you and that he is fed up with your nonchalant behavior in the face of even Chrollo. Your face remains as bored as ever, only fueling his wrath as he starts cursing under his breath. It is then that you propose a fight all of a sudden in hopes of cutting this conversation short since you're feeling tired, nonchalantly dismissing his words and even his powers as if he weren't a feared member of the troupe. Feitan accepts as you have not only insulted his pride but because he is secretly also curious just how much your Nen can do. Everything is over within a few seconds and he can only glare at you with humiliation yet also a hint of reverence, begrudgingly admitting that you are at least not a dog who knows only how to bark. His feelings for you take a spin after that day and by god does he despise turning into a fool just like the rest of the members. He doesn't believe in the idea of talking you into joining. Thieves take what they want after all.
Pakunoda
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���​Pakunoda sacrificed her life with no regrets at all as she had done so to ensure the survival of the rest of the spiders. She didn't know that Machi would not only contact but convince her brother to help this one point and she especially didn't expect to come to her senses only to look up at you. She hasn't been told who you are yet your pink hair as well as the colder look on your face instantly brings back memories of Machi as she looks at you before other familiar faces pop into her vision. Some of them hide it better whilst others don't but the shock filling the air due to her revival is almost palpable to her. It is when Machi leans down and her and your face are basically next to each other that Pakunoda asks if you are her brother. You just roll your eyes before asking if it shouldn't be obvious, your snarky tone earning you a glare from Machi and Feitan before you raise your hands in surrender and apologise. So that is the man who can create miracles with his Nen? As she slowly sits up, feeling her previously crushed heart beating again in her chest she comes to realise that no rumor could have done your abilities justice.
💘​The gratitude and respect she gives you afterwards isn't because you brought her back from the dead though. No, it is because you helped Chrollo and the rest of the spiders with your abilities that they wouldn't have found anywhere else in the world. You do not seem to like being praised though as you grumble that this is a one-time thing and that you won't help them next time. You do not let her touch you very much and initially suspects that you probably don't trust her abilities. Machi reassures you though that her Nen most likely wouldn't work against your bullshit powers anyways and that you just aren't too fond of physical touch, a true lone wolf through and through. You seem to tolerate Pakunoda's presence though more than others and she feels weirdly flattered by that as she isn't trying to pry information out of you nor tries to sweet-talk you into joining the crew. She's aware of Chrollo's desire to have you permanantly stay and in fact the man has been requesting her to try to assist him, acknowledging with a note of displeasure that you tolerate her presence more than his own.
Machi Komacine
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🪡​As much bickering as the two of you have going on Machi has always seen you as someone very precious to her. Whenever she had nothing to do she would seek you out. The both of you had no phones to call each other or no other way to pass messages back and forth but you always found her anyways when she was alone and wasn't involved in any troupe activities. Even Machi doesn't know the full extent of your powers but at this rate she has accepted that nothing will surprise her anymore so she is the only one who isn't left in awe when you revive not one but two dead people, merely muttering that such a bullshit power could really only belong to you. Your younger sister knows that you aren't a big fan of helping other people or getting involved with her other family and it took her quite a lot of convincing and the ominous promise that she gave you that she would fulfill you a favor for each thing you do to help her and the troupe. She owes you three favors now but you do not tell her what you will ask of her later on and silently she dreads what humiliating things you will ask of her to do.
🪡​Even if you are the strongest Nen user currently alive, Machi worries about your health. She knows that you are quite lazy and that your diet isn't the healthiest so now that you reside for an unknown time in the spider hideout she sees it through that you receive proper meals instead of devouring fast food or unhealthy snacks. She cooks for you and insists you to eat it even if she has to hold a glaring match with you. People like Nobunaga and Pakunoda note that Machi has never looked quite as lively now that you are around and it amuses them to see her getting so easily worked up as she gets into proper sibling fights with you because you refuse to eat the meals she has served you as if you were a little child. Machi has always been sharp though and she realises with a growing unease how much interest you seem to receive from pretty much everyone around you and it comes to her as no surprise when even Chrollo approaches her and asks her if she knows of a way to convince you to join as her loyalty seems to get tested now that she has finally brought you to meet the Phantom Troupe.
Uvogin
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🫀​Uvogin, upon initially being revived, nearly tries to crush your head. He accidentally knocks your glasses off and as you meet his eyes you petrify him. This major accident is one of the main reasons why Feitan initially antagonises you so much even as Machi steps in and protects you, informing him that this is a power you can't control which is why you always wear glasses to not accidentally turn everyone you look into the eyes to stone. You joke 24 hours later when the effect of your powers finally wears off that at least Uvogin seems to have calmed down. Soon it turns out for you that perhaps you should have just tried to petrify him for a longer time as Uvogin's interest in you is immense. He knows no personal boundaries, his hygiene is terrible and he is way too touchy and friendly with you as if the both of you are long lost buddies. As soon as he swings an arm around your shoulder and gets all chummy with you, you always turn around to search for Machi in a silent plead for help as his strong body odor assaults your nose.
🫀​There is only one time where you caved in to have an arm wresting match with him out of sheer desperation to get away from him and to take a shower. Your super strength is one of your abilities that you have arguably the least control over though and your drawn out despair to get away from Uvogin at this rate is so big that you by accident break the table, his arm as well as a good portion of the ground beneath you. Uvogin is not in the least offended though as he gives you a boisterous laugh, pats your back with his not broken arm as he speaks that he didn't expect anything less from you. As soon as Uvogin spots you anywhere he immediately greets you whilst you visibly flinch, asks you if you want a few cans of beer before flopping down next to you and shoving a few cans into your arms, completely oblivious to how awkwardly stiff you have gotten next to him as he asks you with a grin if you perhaps have a few embarrassing tales of Machi you could share with him as the pink-haired woman is usually always so cold and distant.
Nobunaga Hazama
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🗡Nobunaga is by far one of the most laid-back members and whilst he understands where Feitan's wariness comes from he has also always been more logical in his approach as he understands that you are the best as well as safest option for the troupe. He trusts Machi after all to keep you in check. Similiar to Pakunoda he feels like he has to express his gratitude as he knows that no one requested of you to revive two members who had been killed in Yorknew City as the only thing asked of you was to exorcise the Nen the chain user had used on Chrollo. Due to his more quiet and lax demeanor he is able to spend more time with you than some other members who you downright seem to flee from as soon as you sense their presence. It is somewhat laughable when he sometimes observes you quietly from the sidelines. For someone who is as powerful as you are it is quite nice to see that you haven't let the power get to your head and he is especially delighted when he sees how Machi and you start properly arguing like any good siblings do and over the silliest things as well.
🗡He is quite lucid of his own feelings as well as the feelings many other spiders seem to develop for you. It is when he even realises that Chrollo seems to have developed a longing for you that he finds himself stepping back a bit. He knows that you aren't the most social person and that all the chaos that slowly starts to unravel due to everyone's growing obsession may tire you out so he takes a similar position as Pakunoda in it all to be an anchor for you in the brewing storm. He is mindful and never pushy with you which seems to work as you often seek shelter with either him or Pakunoda to escape from the mess in the making, a deep sigh escaping you as soon as you are alone with the both of them. He takes pride in that though even if he does feel a sense of guilt born out of loyalty and trust as he knows that other members and even Chrollo to an extent envy him for the security you feel around him. At the same time he also knows that you could easily use your Nen for all kind of things and actually consciously hold back from lashing out to not sadden your sister and he knows better than to test your patience.
Franklin Bordeau
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🧟​Similar to Feitan Franklin is initially filled with distrust when you arrive in their hideout, his tall figure always looming behind you as he is prepared to pierce you with multiple bullets should you even attempt to try anything funny. He's not quite as hostile as their most sadistic member though as he does acknowledge you for the things that you ultimately end up doing for the troupe. You not only exorcise the Nen of the chain user but you also revive two of their members and whilst he still wouldn't see you as an ally he at least doesn't look like he is about to fill you with bullet holes as soon as you take a wrong breath. Partially this is a simple result of having seen only a fraction of your power as Franklin has started to wonder how much he alone could do against you to begin with as your full abilities remain a secret. He does attempt to interogate Machi about your true powers, even threatens her for a bit only to realise that she is telling the truth when she admits that not even she knows the full extent of your Nen.
🧟​He watches with growing worry how you seemingly bewitch other members of the troupe who grow borderline obsessed with you and he does consider ambushing you without your knowledge without you being aware of it but the problem is that you are so rarely left alone at all. What he doesn't expect though is for you to seek him out willingly as you at this rate take all of his hostility over the minsfuck that is the obsession of the other members. It is quite rude, the way you lament over their behavior and don't even spare complaining about Chrollo but on the other hand even Franklin has to admit that they have been acting off around you recently. Multiple chances to try to attack you present themselves as you seem to deem Franklin as a safe person yet Franklin soon forgets about those plans as the disease called obsession slowly catches up to him as well. Instead new ideas start filling his head as he wonders what would be the best way to keep you with the troupe and to not have you disppear. He shares the same mindset as Feitan though. They're thieves and thieves steal what they want to have with brains and force.
Kortopi
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▫️​Kortopi has been quite fascinated with you ever since it was revealed so many years ago that you are in fact Machi's older brother. He's always been curious what kind of person the brother of Machi would be and he is inwardly quite giddy when it is decided that you will travel to their current hideout and assist them for a while. As soon as you do arrive and showcase what is only a little of your real power he is quite amazed and desperately wants to get a chance to talk with you yet all of this is made quite complicated as soon as all other members start swarming around you. It is at one point no secret that almost all members of the Phantom Troupe have gained some sort of obsession with you and he feels left out and by extension also starts feeling somewhat self-conscious. After all from a physical aspect he is the weakest of all the current members and it is when he sees you breaking the arm of Uvogin during an arm restling match that he starts wondering if he so far has been overlooked by you because you only spare time for members who are stronger as you are without a doubt the strongest person in this hideout.
▫️​Kortopi starts stalking you excessively as he doesn't seem to get his chance as you are either in the company of other members or magically disappear when you are fed up and need some desperate time to yourself. He feels depressed and increasingly more insecure until he one day seems to struck gold as he catches you outside the hideout, lying on the ground with your eyes closed. He's always hoped to meet you whilst you were alone but now that it has happened he doesn't even know what he is supposed to say. It is you who beckons him closer as soon as you notice that he stands there as if someone has pressed the pause button, invite him over since you haven't really seen him before. You remain somewhat harsh and cold, really reminding him whose older brother you are, but you are nicer to him than to some other members and that is the confidence boost he needs to approach you from that day on without worries even when you are already in company of other spiders.
Hisoka Morow
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🃏​Hisoka has regretted few things as much as leaving the Phantom Troupe after the Yorknew City incident when he finds out that Machi has called her older brother to help the troupe. He has always wanted to fight Chrollo which is one of the reasons why he joined the spiders in the first place but an even bigger desire of his has been to find out where he could find you only to be severely disappointed when finding out that Machi didn't know where you were either and that she didn't have an established system through which she could contact you. He did consider getting her into danger in hopes that you would come to rescue her but Machi has always been careful and smart around him. He didn't consider that you would come even though Machi herself isn't in danger as he thought you only cared about her yet Machi seems to have persuaded you into doing it this once. He stalks the traces of the Phantom Troupe and sneaks close to their hideout, trying to detect you. He finds you when you are all by yourself as you merely desired solitude for a while only to sense Hisoka's bloodlust. He attacks on sight only for you to turn him into stone, startled by yet another weirdo.
🃏​The troupe has never really trusted him but as soon as they discover that the clown has his eyes on you they become even more hostile. It is quite amusing for Hisoka to see all of them wanting to shield and protect you from him and under normal circumstances he would have enjoyed the idea of fighting them as well. Unfortunately they are now mere sidequests as he desperately wants his fight with you. He does apologise later on to you about his unsavoury first introduction though the thrilled gleam that he is barely able to conceal is something you take notice of. You have no interest or desire to give in to his wishes though, refuse to show him the true extent of your Nen abilities and it is sweet agony to Hisoka as you are basically his wet dream with your powers. He desperately needs you to give him a taste of your strength and to achieve his desires he will play sly and merciless. Your little sister is the most precious thing to you and he's sure as a good big brother you would be enraged if something were to happen to her, wouldn't you?
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retiredteabag · 3 months ago
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retiredteabag rant *
I cannot believe I even have to say this but: you are weird if you “age up” minors in a sexual context. It is equally as weird as simply writing smut about a minor.
None of these characters are real to begin with, and I am aware that they do not exist, still, they are not created to be viewed in a sexual manner.
Stop sexualizing a being created to represent a child.
I cannot fathom seeing a character look, think, and behave like a kid and still feel the need to write porn about them.
There is rarely an instance where someone need justify their rightful actions, so if you do need to come up with loopholes to objectify a child, I would recommend rethinking why you are doing it.
At the end of the day, it is wrong to see a character- in high school, and lust after them.
If you need to “age up” a character to the age of 18 simply to have sex with them without any character development I cannot see how you wouldn’t find that unnerving. This should not be normalized.
To some extent, I do understand an argument that it is not “harming anyone” but I don’t believe this is necessarily true. Normalizing the sexualization of a child is never good.
The saying “just let people enjoy things” often ignores valid criticism and shows defensiveness toward something that, by all accounts, is repulsive. Even when reading fanfiction, as silly as it sounds, we should be thinking critically. Do remember that absorbing criticism about something you enjoy does not magically ruin it. (more in-depth article cited below if you are interested)
And at the end of the day, if the author does not canonize the aging of a minor, then they remain a child.
Don’t be a creep.
Wagner, K. (2019, May 9). Don’t Let People Enjoy Things. The Baffler. https://thebaffler.com/latest/dont-let-people-enjoy-things-wagner
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msbunnat · 2 months ago
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(Before I say anything this isn’t meant to be hate this is just my thoughts)
I think the reasoning on why people are thinking you are romanticizing Ganymede and Zeus’s story is because you’re making it look like instead of making Ganymede scared of Zeus, it looks like Ganymede is proud to have been kidnapped by Zeus and that he wears a badge of being SA by Zeus. For example, in one of your drawings you said how Ganymede would react to one of Zeus's kids wanting to fight him to where Ganymede said that he had sex with their father, Zeus, making it sound like he was proud and not that affected by Zeus’s actions.
(Again, this is not hate; I'm just explaining what might have caused people to think you're romanticizing Zeus's and Ganymede's relationship.)
No worries, I actually sometimes dont understand when someone is being hateful, so I would read it as just normal.
SO! Again, dosent matter how Ganymede is portrayed, people will think it shouldnt even exist any discussion of him (like, there was an artist that literaly make Zeus as a vile abuser of Ganymede and Hebe was consoling him - EVEN THIS SITUATION THAT SHOW EXPLICIT HOW BROKEN GANYMEDE WAS, PEOPLE HAVE COMPLAINED AS ROMANTIZATION ;w;). So just dont try to look for a reason, there are a lot and none depending sole on who is interpreting my drawings.
This specifc drawing you mentioned, I did way after this recent wave of hate and was just a joke. This case dosent have so much meaning behind the joke, but like, you can have your interpretation as him coping, or he feel for Zeus, or he just want to mess with other gods as he is the only 'mortal' and use Zeus as a shield so he can just be lying... LET YOUR IMAGINATION FLY.
Look... my very firsts drawings and tiktok of Ganimedes was him mad... He literaly mad cry... Even before any nsfw I have done or more nuansed art... and yet people also thougth as romantization... So really, dosent matter what I do, to some people just because of my style or because Zeus is hot its equal to be ok with anything he does (as if abusers cant be attractive... its good those people never meet someone like this, but still makes me worry about them). Ah! There re two expections: some eagle interactions re sweet because its before any harm; and Ganimedes smiling one time on a tiktok video (I though people would be intriged and make questions, but nope, they stick to Ganimedes liking being abused I guess - welp the fetish exists, but I know they mean as me saying 'abuse is ok because he liked it').
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I dont know where people think that just because Ganimedes its not suffering in every single second means he is ok to all harm and struggle he will pass... I want to make him suffer as an OC, but like, let him have happy moments... and this also means happy moments with Zeus... and all of this dont erase any bad things... this binary way to see stories its just so not my thing -w-
Oh! and its not because you have intimacy with someone you also love them (like, rage f*cking is a thing and I want to explore it, maybe outside the comic, idk yet u.u). I also have some cannibalism drawings Gani x Zeus, cause imagine eating a god!! So exciting!
OK now for real, I will not answer anymore romantization discustion for some time. I'm tired of this, I will do my things and hope people have patience before stating something that its still in progress. Aske me about it in two months maybe...
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ganondoodle · 9 months ago
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you know, i had a totk thought (uh oh)
soemthign thats really bothering me about the whole "actually, ganondorf didnt like the guy appearing out of nowhere marrying a hylian and just saying yep das our kingdom now and we can mine it barren under your nose and also i got laserbeam pebbles that i totally wont ever use on anyone come join me or die just bc of all of that but mainly bc the guy brought some weird tech with him that he dont like" - thing is that ......... we see almost not a single tech thing in the past (and for that matter see nothing of the oh so perfect and peaceful paradise hyrule was before big evil desert man didnt want to join our paradise- like what is the point about making the whole point of the game be -we need to restore hyrule to this paradise it once was- when you dont even see it or get to care about anything of it)
it might sound like a weird hangup but no really, the most we see is like two servant constructs, thats it, when they 'prepare for war' im pretty sure all you see is some lightly dressed ( ... is it just me or does their whole get up look alot like native american/other indingenous people too ... i still dont know how to feel about that- kinda adjacent to some of the sonau armor, the battery one i think??, also having that look...) hylians with spears, where the heck is all that tech?? is it implied to be all down in the mines hollowing out the underground (for no real reason either bc .... theres only two sonau left and no one else seems to want use nor need the tech otherwise there should have been more traces or soemthing left of it -unless it all just magically appeared out of nowhere in mostly prime condition while all shiekah tech jsut vaporized for bs non reasons just for it to be in tha game but oh dont you see its always been there lmao- so whats the point really????)
or up in the sky as most battle constructs are and they cant get them down in time bc *gestures vaguely*
or is it intentionally kept out of view bc idk seeing an army of robots on raurus side he can send out on a whim might not make him look as oh so good and perfect as they want him to look when he already got laserbeam pebbles (most of which hes been hoarding until ONE falls into hands not under his control) ?? like it just ... feels weird?? so many battle constructs that can even be a threat to link are jsut fully functioning strolling around in the present still, why wouldnt you want to use any of them to battle gan and if they DID why wouldnt you show that (no the 3 second unicorn cutscene doesnt count bc its just .. gan and his monsters isnt it) ?? (also ... why isnt there a big like battle ground , like fine you dont have to animate an army of monsters and robots clashing but... wouldnt it be cool to have you discover a giant flat plain in the underground (that magically got put under ground like gan just decided to stroll down there to get sealed lol) and its the only mostly empty field in the game littered with thousands of monster bones and dead constructs intermingled?? just to give it all a bit of weight?? evidence that it happened?? cool ass discovery????)
(also also i cannot let go of ganondorf apparently being sooooo anti tech but then clamgan uses the shiekah stuff??? shouldnt he also be against that then or is that suddendly fine bc- oh woops sorry, forgot clamgan is actually just something, not connected to gan at all actually, i mean why else would miasma turn into malice only to turn into miasma again haha none of that is connected actually what is a calamity anyway? also im sorry to bring this up again but i just cannot let go of the ppl in the present being so obsessed with using sonau tech in every part of their life now- they just lived through an apocalypse of a barely understood strange tech but CLEARLY this other even less understood strang tech is not dangerous at all lets make CARS OUT OF IT and what theres no danger in miasma and that tech existing at the same time LIKE SOMETHING ELSE BEFORE THAT IDK SEEMS LIKE A BAD COMBO--- oh sorry forgot that ceased to exist in both the world and peoples minds for *gestures vaguely* plot reasons- why why why are monsters mining the sonanium?? they dont even work with the yiga no that is also completely disconnected we dont wanna draw and interesting connections after all- whats the point if it means nothing but to be a loot box for the player-- actually, so much of totk is just a so built around throwing you into a box of toys with no substance to it- listen i know games are kinda like toys but if it doesnt make sense and offers you nothing interesting to think about even slightly whAT IS THE POINT)
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tinyfantasminha · 23 days ago
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I think Tumblr and other social medias have aged to become more like a community where everybody assumes they are friends with everyone (unless they disagree with them). Like as social media gets introduced to younger and younger kids every year, the sense and need of privacy is no longer there.
Now for people, someone showing their art might be akin to a friend showing their drawing to you, it becomes expected so the less detailed compliments they give.
The solution could be to make your page more professional so people dont get the idea they are your friends, since you do post things that would be considered talk between friends (like simping for jack). But i get the feeling you'd hate that since it would essentially turn your page into more of a statistics rather than a warm environment.
Im not good at wording myself so im sorry if this gives off an offending message, im trying to be objective but im not sure how it comes across.
DW, I get what you're trying to say 😔 It's annoying that more and more people in fandom nowadays seem to know little to none of fandom etiquette... and it's not just the teens, it's a worryingly amount of adults too
Creators want validation, nice comments and asks but they also want respect... one parasocial interaction which is especially common with artists and writers are the ''can you teach me how to draw/write/how to create ocs'' or by seeking validation for their own personal stuff (sending their art or pictures unsolicited so YOU specifically can feedback it, or asking you to opinion on their ocs) like..... I can see these actions may come from a genuine place, but it should be common sense that these are weird ways to start a conversation with a creator you supposedly admire. It feels intrusive and demanding.
And sometimes the intention is not even bad, it's just phrased in a demanding way that makes creators feel pressured. Rephrasing ''can you teach me how to draw/write'' with ''hello! I love your art/writing! if you don't mind me asking, could you share your creative process or maybe tips?'' makes a WHOLE difference! it's more polite and acknowledges the creator’s boundaries, making the request feel more like a compliment than a demand.
Ugh, the thing is... making the blog more ''professional'' takes away the whole point of it. Tumblr is one of the few spaces left where you can scream into the void about your interests, gush over things you love, and just exist as a person, not a content machine. Unlike algorithm-driven platforms like tiktok or twitter, in here it lets you control your space; your blog is yours to curate, to fill with weirdness, passion, and whimsy. Here, creators feel like real people, not just faceless usernames churning out "content" for engagement. I do not feel comfortable being as much personal on twitter for example, where any nosy person can QRT you being unnecessarily mean because the platform's culture prioritizes performative snark and clout over genuine creativity or connection. Tumblr was always a place for the weirdos, the cringe and the freaks, no one is here to make a brand out of themselves, it's about being authentic and having fun.
Creators should absolutely be allowed to be loose, weird, and fun here while still being respected 😔
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adilynnyuri · 3 months ago
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I hope this isnt trauma dumping or sm but i just needed to get this out and also get some advice and i think i really like ur advice. So i have been jn a relationship w my bf for 2 years now and i love him with my heart and soul and we plan to get married ( ee are still young but we see that as the futuregoal) so up tntil a few months back i used to just go to random s*x chat groups and something and would share my nudes nd just stuff like that and would also watch p*rn .. these are both things that me and my bf would a 100% consider cheating and if he did this to me i would kill myself out of sorrow. I absolutely hate myself and am disgusted at myself i was distracted for a little while with my exams but now they are over and now im crying all the time again just thinking about what i did to the boy i love the most. At the time i didnt think much of it and at first i would just talk w people but slowly i started sharing nudes and i did this a couple of times until i realized a few months back how wrong it is. I have no idea how i didnt realise how wrong this is?Up until this i was a really good person i dont think ive ever hurt anybody and i am very nice also but now idk i just hate myself and everything about me .Every day whenever i think aboyt this i cant help but cry and think there really isnt anything else i can do. Of course i have changed and wouldnt think of doing such a thing again but still the fact that i did it in the first place makes me want to die.
Ik its so selfish but i cant keeo thinking that he will do sm like this to me also and that ill get my karma. Does karma really even exist and how do i get myself to atop thinking this now i always suspect him of cheating and talking to other girls. Hes done sm similar to cheating to me but nothing on this level. What he did is nothing ckmpared to what i did.
And in the context of manifesting, should i manifest that none of this ever happened and for me to be a really nice person or shoukd i manifest that this completely gets erased from my memory or what?? This also messes up my manifestion so much i cant helo hut tell myself that i dont deserve good things as im a bad person . Please help. If youre not comfortable answering this then im sorry for wasting ur time
Hii love!
BABE CALM DOWN! I UNDERSTAND YOU!!
I totally understand you and your situation but I am here to help you and to remind you THAT YOU DIDN'T AND WILL NEVER DO ANY MISTAKES!
First of all, WHATEVER HAPPENS REMEMBER!
Don't EVER LOSE HOPE!! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO'S CREATING BOTH GOOD/BAD SITUATIONS THAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES!!
You are the MAIN CHARACTER! YOU NEVER FACE ANY PROBLEMS!!
And imo Idgaf to karma. I don't even consider it's real. BUT I WILL USE IT TO MY ADVANTAGE BY AFFIRMING THAT WHOEVER TRIES TO HARM ME IN ANY WAYS THEY WILL COMPLETELY FACE THE WORST.
I understand that you feel guilty about your activities! But! NEVER LET IT TAKE CONTROL OVER YOU! AND DON'T THINK YOU ARE BAD PERSON OR SOMETHING!!
You are limitless and you can do anything!
Until you don't hurt anyone in the name of manifestation, YOU ARE NEVER A BAD PERSON OR DOING ANY BAD!
⭐I will give you an example from my life!
My success in revising an embarrassing situation!
Once I did something very embarrassing like so embarrassing I just wanted to k!ll myself💀 but then I thought why should I do that to myself? I was born in this world to be happy and cherished 24/7! so I just affirmed robotically that NOTHING BAD HAPPENED AND I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT AND MY DP WHO WITNESSED THAT FORGETS IT TOO! (It was very tough for me too! The shit which I did kept popping up in my mind, BUT I DIDN'T GIVE MUCH ATTENTION TO THAT AND KEPT AFFIRMING!)
Well it just took me 1 day! One full day of robotic affirmations! LITERALLY THE VERY NEXT DAY EVEN I FORGOT AND MY DP TOTALLY FORGOT!! I WAS SO SO HAPPY!
Suggestion for you! 💕
I know it's so tough for you to affirm totally against of what happened, but trust me! JUST AFFIRM! YOU ARE SO POWERFUL LOVE! JUST REVISE SAYING,
"I never did anything bad and I am never guilty"
I AM BEING 1000000% SURE WHATEVER YOU WANT WILL HAPPEN. WHATEVER YOU WANTED TO CHANGE, WILL CHANGE! MORE LIKE, IT HAS ALREADY CHANGED !!
With lots of love,
ADILYNN YURI🤍🌷
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sleevebuscemii · 2 months ago
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I love your black sails opinions but I want to add, in a lot of ways, black sails IS the backstory for silver because unlike most characters in black sails, he will live on and become the main antagonist of treasure island, so in many ways looking at him in black sails is asking if it was worth everything in treasure island
It’s a paradox. He is both a character existing in here in the present but he’s also a character from a children’s adventure novel from the 1800’s who has a animal side kick and says shit like shiver me Timbers.
I don’t think I’m making sense but it drives me crazy to think Flint and Madi ask the same questions about silver that a young Jim Hawkins will ask and we still never get answers.
you are definitely making sense and are so correct. what’s crazy is that there will always be something missing without an origin. and you are so correct to say that black sails acts as an origin but can we take that at face value when we’ll never know who silver actually was? and im not actually asking, it’s kind of just the feeling you’re left with. the shift between silver in the first two seasons and the last two seasons is so drastic in that yes we can ascribe so much of it to everything that happened but it’s insane to see how little of the old silver is there. the jokey smirky sarcastic charm becomes a hardened sailor in the blink of an eye, and it’s not to say that version of silver was just (totally) an act but you can’t say it’s a real person. in the same way we see pieces of flint from before he was Captain Flint in him all the time, as in ‘this person was one thing and life changed him into this’. silver’s comes off like he took one suit off and donned another completely. and it almost makes the shiver me timbers parrot pirate more believable, another suit donned that strips the old one completely. but it’s still to say. i dont think all of it was pretend and i dont think none of it was true. i just think silver is so disillusioned from personhood and identity that he doesn’t see and doesn’t conduct his changes as growth, it’s more of a replacement which is to say there IS a real silver there and we see it in moments and fragments but it’s not enough to make whole and it’s not enough to make him known
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