#i dont feel attached to it anymore
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so sick and tired of the “jedi are an evil and abusive cult that steals children” as if half the reason they weren’t protecting these children is bc sith were out killing them or TURNING THEM INTO SITH. they weren’t even STEALING children to begin with I thought we all knew that was Palpatine’s game not Yoda’s.
#i hate star wars fans i truly do#they wanna pick apart the jedi like of course there are mistakes and wrong doings#bUT THE SITH ARE RIGHT THERE#trying to build the narrative that anakin was abused by the jedi is absolutely crazy when his actions and thoughts were all his own#and GROOMED by palpatine#the only reason people want to pin them as bad people is because yoda could call out anakin’s bad behavior#that and they didnt promote him to master right away because oh im the chosen one i should be#like you need to PROVE you are the chosen one and that you WILL bring balance to the force and NOT DESTROY IT#THATS FHE WHOLE PROPHECY#AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY THEY WERE CAREFUL WITH ANAKIN???#and then the oh well they make you supress feelings#nO#THEY#DONT#they make you surpress attachments so that if it comes DOWN to it you will save the many and not just risk it all to save the ONE#disney has done damage to the star wars community i swear#saw a tik tok comment section where they said the council is like the christian church#lost my MIND#well the jedi fit cult criteria!!#wow! star wars fans find out WHAT A GROUP OF RELIGION IS#LITERALLY ANY GROUP OF RELIGION CAN BE CALLED A CULT NOT EVERY CULT IS BAD#im sorry i cant stand it anymore#star wars#star wars tcw#auxxrat yap#jedi council#jedi#star wars legends
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started playing pillars of eternity the other day.. (shoving my 40 hours of playtime under the rug) its cool i guess.
#pillars of eternity#death godlike#dymphna#really shoddily cropped outfit lineup cause i dont want tumblr sniping me for well errrrrm. uhhhhhh emmmm.... yknow nuddy#i made dymphna in game and barely 2 days later i had a fully lined and coloured line up of her thats the fastest ive ever made one#she has the worlds. most disgusting grasp on my brain its insane how attached i am to her alreadyy. i even made her a custom portrait....#anyways josh sawyer count your fucking days for not making hiravias or eder romancable im going to get you.#i dont want aloth thats her chew toy not her boy toy. shes hoisting him on her shoulder and throwing him about#shes 6 foot 3 built like a rectangle and absolutelty trying to convince herself and everyone else that shes the perfect size#to sit in hiravias's lap. (he cant feel his legs anymore)
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GIRL WTF DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE HOLDING OFF ON YOUR BSF!DAMIAN POSTS!?
We. NEED. TOO. GIVE. THE. REST. OF. THE. BATFAM. FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS! and bruces will obviously have "whore" on it while the others have other funny names on there except Alfred He's safe
He has one that says his name or something along the lines of "World's best dad"
what’s funny is a got another ask that was along the similar lines of alfred getting an objectively better bracelet than everyone else’s because it’s literally just normal 💀 n e ways i’m too lazy to write something out and i no longer do requests essentially
bruce: whore
dick: ass♡guy
jason: 1x1♡lego♡piece
steph: go♡piss♡girl
tim: chronically♡online
damian: pissbaby
alfred: alfred>>>
#rin’s inbox 💌#bsf!damian#BEFORE IM ATTACKED#let it be known these are the only ones reader knows well enough to feel comfortable to make friendship bracelets with#ik there’s more members but these are the ones reader knows better ig#tbh i dont rlly see damian entertaining the thought of you meeting his family#he doesn’t want any attachment involved anymore since it’s bad enough how attached he is#but hypothetically#yea sure here’s the member i think would get along best with 14 year old ig
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#Reds such a unique and sad character to me#No matter what he does he is in a loop somehow. both actually and mentally.#He wants change - but he's afraid of it - But he NEEDS it - but its too scary.#He wants to be normal - But normal is boring - But its safe.#Too weird for people - too normal for freaks.#He Likes those two - But getting attached hurts. - But he truly does love them - But what if hes the issue? what is HE hurts them.#and thats why i think transport was such a big turning point. because he does hurt them#He tries his best and does what he thinks will be best.#him being alone so he issnt an “Issue”#And them being happy and healthy in a place where thier needs are met. and they dont have to be scared anymore.#but he fails and he hurts them.#His torture here is feeling helpless and whenever he tries it fails to the point he feels awful.#He has such complex and battling emotions they loop in his head over and over. too the point he cant do anything#thus making him a neutral character.#But neutral issnt a Good thing#Yes he doesnt hurt anything. But he doesnt help or comfort either#He is in a loop inside and out.#Hes drowning.#SIIIGHH sometimes it hurts understanding him /hj. (i know theres like a gigillion ways to interpret him lmao.}#im actuly kinda sad i havent seen anyone else have the idea of him being torn apart inside and anxious tho.#or that he sees himself as a big monster. maybe even due to him leaveing before (trying to help but failing again)#or that hes easy to manipulate. thus creating danger for the other two.#But im just yapping and making a comic based on my thoughts :]#(as ive been a lil mentally ill about string man lately.#dhmis#dhmis red guy#dhmis fanart#dhmis comic#dont hug me im scared
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Are you still interested in making South Park content?
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NOOO!!!!! GET OUTTA MY HOUSE
#kidding. but yeah no im not planning to make any sp content ever again. maybe for the friends i made in the fndm or comms but thats it#dont have a lot of great memories attached to when i was fixated on the show and now it makes me feel gross to get any notifs on my sp post#but ik it means a lot to sum ppl and brings them joy. i dont wanna take that away yk. i want those ppl to keep enjoying it#but no. never again. lol#sp tiktok fandom i hope u rot#im not on tiktok anymore anyways#ask#txt
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im thinking of maybe taking a break again
#being here just fills me with negative thoughts idk why#maybe I need to remake or maybe I just need to fuck off forever lol#but idk i feel isolated or like a misfit most of the time and like I'm under a constant state of surveillance#there's also a lot of memories attached to this account and while they're mostly good#they just make me sad af now :(#most of my friends dont even use this anymore so its just me here
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I feel lame for not having many ocs tbh. Whatever i do what i want forever
#idk i feel like my entire art is only ever used on drawing pre existing characters#usually from popular ips i feel so shallow.#any ocs i make i never get attached to. and if i do im too nervous to post them#or like with my fandom intrests i love them so intensely and then a month or so later#i dont give a shit anymore. i wish i wasnt so reliant on pre existing characters with pre existing personalities to draw#my attention. and draw in general.#bc when im not in an intense intrest phase i cant draw for shit. thatd be a perfect time to draw my ocs right?#but i need to be intensely intrested to draw in the first place. and they aren't fleshed out they dont have content#yhere is no book or movie or show or game. ive gotta do all of that. but that passion isn't there#i get no big ideas for stories of my own. no characters with compelling backgrounds everytging i do#just feels like a rehash or repackaging of something else.#and insult to injury. usually i can pinpoint exactly which pre exosting character im ripping from#which nothing wrong witg inspiration. if it was anyone else i'd be like fuck yeag dude thats awesome#but because its me it feels like stealing stealing stealing i cant think of anything on my own so i must steal#idk. whatever.#i mean i do have ocs but i havent drawn them in fucking forever it feels like. and i love them ig#for once i cant really pinpoint where i pulled them from. but too nervous to post them on#this blog and also again. drawing them feels like a chore because the obsession isnt there#vent#whateverrrrr my interps are baller my lines are swagular. im gonna make it whatever#and also i feel like a flake with my intrests and its not deliberate but sometimes i feel like im#pullibg people in from fandoms then pulling a switcheroo gotcha on them by being invested#in something else#which obviously im fucking not thats stupid im not doing this on purpose#but it still feels so yuuuuucky like im sorry ik this isnt what you folloed me for. sorry#SJATEVER i win at art wbatever whatever
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#tw suicide#tw overdose#tw suicide attempt#a close friend of mine overdosed for the 4th time in as many weeks last night and i just dont know what to feel anymore#she was sent home from the emergencies the 1st time and was staying with me for the 2nd which i still feel guilty about#how i was an idiot for not hiding any meds while i was in the shower#spent the full day at the hospital with her to make sure she was taken into inpatient care and not just dismissed#then yesterday morning shes released from the hospital and winds up in the same place that dismissed her the 1st time in the evening#and now isnt replying to any of my messages#and im just oscillating between feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety and nothing at all#and then feeling guilty when i feel nothing#or guilty that im angry at her because she purposefully did and said thing to hurt me#but shes hurting and i need and want to give her some slack but i just felt that attachment i had to her fade after the last thing she did#and i cant even bring it up with her bc last time i did she spiralled and didnt talk to me for a week#which is fucking worrying when shes so unstable#but ive not been eating or sleeping and just feel awful and anxious#at least now i have xanax for the panic attacks and dont have to rely on alcohol anymore but god#i just want things to get better#vent#delete later
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i've only completed like one fic from van's pov so far but i have Such. a precise way that i like to characterize Van and Love
it's unhealthy. it's so unhealthy!!
van's the type of person who attaches herself onto any girl that she thinks can provide her with Safety and Love, and she gives back everything she is in return bc she believes it's conditional. she thinks if she doesn't let them feed off her organs they won't love her anymore.
it's tai. it's lottie. (god i hope) it's nat.
and she plays so well off the three of them and their relationships with love.
tai loves van, she needs van, she needs van safe because she hurt van before, but shes also a narcissist. she needs to feel important and van gives her that. what's more important than being the center of this girl's world?
lottie doesn't want to be worshipped, but she will, if it helps van. she'll cut herself into pieces if she thinks it will help someone. it doesn't even really matter that it's van, but also it does, because van is the only one still around who's never thought she's crazy.
natalie didn't ever want to lead, but, god, it is so good to be loved. and van has so much love to give, so nice and docile and sweet like a dog, as long as lottie says, this is who we listen to now. this is who the wilderness speaks through now.
#i have a lot of feelings about van and#her relationship with love and safety#bc she obviously did not grow up in a home where those were guarantees#and nat was in a v similar seemingly more outwardly violent situation#but they expressed themselves differently. nat's a burnout. van attaches herself to tai. theyre not friends anymore.#and van keeps!! attaching herself to Girls With Authority. Girls With Social Status.#and obviously she attaches herself to tai and lottie for a myriad of different reasons. but its so interesting.#that at the core theyre both Girls With Status (in different ways)#god i hope in s3 van throws herself at nat's feet. i need it. i Need it. i need the patterns to continue.#i Need van to have fucked up sex with tai and lottie and nat you dont understand#anyway.#taivan#lottievan#natvan#van palmer#yellowjackets#amber.txt
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rooks
#dragon age#dragon age veilguard#dragon age fanart#TENTATIVE!!!! i do not have veilguard yet but alas that will Not stop me from playing touys.#ignoring the faction assigned last name for avarga cause thats my wardens baby. they got a name change and an updated appearance#avarga mahariel#desdemona de riva#te'oma thorne#malalai ingellvar#saar mercar#noor laidir#mamarya aldwir#but ooouuugugh im very excited to play i ❤ making way too many characters.#i ummm. originally wasnt going to make a pc for every romance but then i had made pcs for all but two romances so then i just felt bad.#dont feel bad anymore cause i love noor and malalai soooo much#yes noor is based off one of the dwarf presets but i dont give a hoot cause its sooooo preety <3#also ummm. avarga;they/them - desdemona;he/she - te'oma;he/him - malalai;they/she - saar;she/her - noor;they/them - mama;she/her#mama was actually um. i trialed ffxiv the other month and made a lalafell and reaaaally liked ffxiv but went oh i gotta pay to play this#so i decided to cut myself off from it early before i got attached. mamarya maro was my lalafell ^^ she gets new assigned lastname and bear#ill most likely make changes to their designs once i actually get my grubby little pawwws on the veilguard character creator#but for now veilguard character creator all options youtube video by tales of lumin will be my guide#put me in a 'dont type 300 words in tags' competition and im losing brother
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i do this frequently and i feel like more people should engage with this. most of the time when i see an insightful or enraging post, i try to picture the human being behind it as they're typing that message. if it's particularly enraging, it's a good source of amusement to imagine someone drafting it for several minutes, and kind of lessens the blow and knee-jerk urge to respond. sometimes, though, it makes the post all the more baffling, imagining how someone else could put these words together. but i also think it would save a lot of people from wasting their time on useless arguments if they just pictured the human behind the keyboard. people forget, all the time, that they're speaking poorly to another human being with an internal life completely divorced from theirs. you could never get away with saying this to someone's face. the internet allows for facelessness, and very few consequences for being a massive asshole. some people speak to others in such a manner that - if offline, you'd get your shit bashed in.
sometimes i observe arguments, and think about just how much time is taken out of someone's day to dedicate to it. how much time is wasted arguing pointlessly because someone completely misinterpreted what someone said. most arguments i observe just do not need to happen, and occur because of poor reading comprehension, or someone's personal need to put other people down and "win" an argument. most of the time though when people are reading important posts in bad faith it is because of personal bigotry and their need to dehumanize the person on the other side. which is why i fully dedicate myself to blocking people that i don't want to argue with, because i really don't want to sink time into something i just don't care about, when i could be doing anything else.
#thoughts#i feel like i sound holier than thou but it genuinely does help make my time online less miserable#i really dont think people do this enough.#they just see words and forget someone took several minutes to write those words. they never attach personhood to it.#you know what i mean?#why would anyone want to waste 30 minutes to an hour out of their day trying to own someone on the internet?#dont get me wrong i used to get into internet slapfights all the time. i just choose not to anymore because it's miserable to do so!#block people you dont like! its free and easy!
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yes making friends always seemed harder than jusy going I Want You on people . this didn't backfire against me in any way (😄.)
#I can perfectly explain it also . Im not insane.#how do you truly guarantee someone will be interested enough in you to have a close relationship . Exactly . Romance.#It just automatically attaches them to you and they cant argue with that because love feels nice to Most people so . They cant deny it#and they cant deny it because going I dont want to date you anymore seems more painful than just going I dont want to be your friend anymor#romance just puts an extra significance to a relationship and i think that needs to be stopped so i can finally behave like an actual perso#Okay.#Did not mean to write all that.
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rip to all of my ocs who have been abandoned to the sands of time (never existed outside of my brain so there's nothing to reference about them except my own fallible memory)
#bambi's rambling#i inevitably end up making a bunch for whatever media catches my interest#and then i forget everything about them and/or never name them#if they're lucky they get drawn once or twice#but tbh a lot of them predate me even getting good enough at art to feel comfortable drawing them#if they're truly lucky they get something written down for them otherwise they inevitably get ship of theseus'd into someone else#honestly though i probably will never talk about most of them just because they're attached to media i'm not that attached to anymore#and they only exist in the version of that media that i made up anyway lol#like orska. an oc for [redacted] who i wrote exactly three sticky notes of info for (and those got thrown out by my family i think)#and who has been through probably a solid hundred different iterations but is still fundamentally a fandom oc#i love her but idk if i'd ever do the work to give her an original story lol she was made for *that one*#she was meant to be a Side Character with an Intriguing Backstory not a main character lol#i mean i could just ramble about her i guess but a) that media has since widely been denounced as cringe and i. dont wanna touch that#and b) the voice in my head that tells me i need to shut up if people dont express interest in something i make will not let me
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the way i get a serotonin hit every time i unlock my phone
#i forgot how this felt like from age 11 to 23 i had something that did that for me basically at all times#anytime my interest flags like usually after 1.5 years if i have enough content to last that long#i would just hop on to the next thing and i havent had an obsession like this for like a whole year i thought i got over it#i thought oh im 25 ig i just dont get attached to things the same way anymore#WRONG. can still get so invested in a tv show im losing sleep over it. ive had 10+ years of training to lock in on things#i dont think this is gonna last that long bc there simply isnt enough content#i loved clj so much and it was way bigger so it had more content and even then i blew thru it all in like 6 months#but still. this is a familiar feeling its kind of nice#sidney talks shit#九重紫
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using one of the goofiest photos of pusia as a reference image
#rn i believe i will get my diploma done on time. after talking to one of my supervisors its seems i can go a fairly easier route#so im not as scared of it. still scared but not as much. i will be fine. smiles. thumbs up even#so im allowing myself for 15 minutes daily to spend on drawing things for myself. today i dedicated it to a silly 3000 meme#not telling how its related to them. no spoilers today#enjoy goofy ass bnuuy#also idk i dont feel super attached to my bunny fursona anymore. probably because i dont feel like it represents my gender well#i mean i made her back when i thought im cis. idk#thank u tumblr for letting me ramble about stuff in the tags#my art#bunny#notes app
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frankly the way i view sharing with vox is the same with andre. the only difference is their popularity and how much i contribute to them
#qtalks#andre im just more secure with it lol.. smaller fanbase. ive dne soooo much dedicated so much#i dont rlly feal afraid and yada yada#plus our whole early relationship was based around devloping secure attachment lol#vox.. such a bigger fanbase. i feel less confident#its like uhmm that small feeling that something is gonna take him away from me#hashtag issues#one day i think i wont have that fear anymore tho
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