#i dont feel attached to it anymore
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so sick and tired of the “jedi are an evil and abusive cult that steals children” as if half the reason they weren’t protecting these children is bc sith were out killing them or TURNING THEM INTO SITH. they weren’t even STEALING children to begin with I thought we all knew that was Palpatine’s game not Yoda’s.
#i hate star wars fans i truly do#they wanna pick apart the jedi like of course there are mistakes and wrong doings#bUT THE SITH ARE RIGHT THERE#trying to build the narrative that anakin was abused by the jedi is absolutely crazy when his actions and thoughts were all his own#and GROOMED by palpatine#the only reason people want to pin them as bad people is because yoda could call out anakin’s bad behavior#that and they didnt promote him to master right away because oh im the chosen one i should be#like you need to PROVE you are the chosen one and that you WILL bring balance to the force and NOT DESTROY IT#THATS FHE WHOLE PROPHECY#AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY THEY WERE CAREFUL WITH ANAKIN???#and then the oh well they make you supress feelings#nO#THEY#DONT#they make you surpress attachments so that if it comes DOWN to it you will save the many and not just risk it all to save the ONE#disney has done damage to the star wars community i swear#saw a tik tok comment section where they said the council is like the christian church#lost my MIND#well the jedi fit cult criteria!!#wow! star wars fans find out WHAT A GROUP OF RELIGION IS#LITERALLY ANY GROUP OF RELIGION CAN BE CALLED A CULT NOT EVERY CULT IS BAD#im sorry i cant stand it anymore#star wars#star wars tcw#auxxrat yap#jedi council#jedi#star wars legends
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started playing pillars of eternity the other day.. (shoving my 40 hours of playtime under the rug) its cool i guess.
#pillars of eternity#death godlike#dymphna#really shoddily cropped outfit lineup cause i dont want tumblr sniping me for well errrrrm. uhhhhhh emmmm.... yknow nuddy#i made dymphna in game and barely 2 days later i had a fully lined and coloured line up of her thats the fastest ive ever made one#she has the worlds. most disgusting grasp on my brain its insane how attached i am to her alreadyy. i even made her a custom portrait....#anyways josh sawyer count your fucking days for not making hiravias or eder romancable im going to get you.#i dont want aloth thats her chew toy not her boy toy. shes hoisting him on her shoulder and throwing him about#shes 6 foot 3 built like a rectangle and absolutelty trying to convince herself and everyone else that shes the perfect size#to sit in hiravias's lap. (he cant feel his legs anymore)
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GIRL WTF DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE HOLDING OFF ON YOUR BSF!DAMIAN POSTS!?
We. NEED. TOO. GIVE. THE. REST. OF. THE. BATFAM. FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS! and bruces will obviously have "whore" on it while the others have other funny names on there except Alfred He's safe
He has one that says his name or something along the lines of "World's best dad"
what’s funny is a got another ask that was along the similar lines of alfred getting an objectively better bracelet than everyone else’s because it’s literally just normal 💀 n e ways i’m too lazy to write something out and i no longer do requests essentially
bruce: whore
dick: ass♡guy
jason: 1x1♡lego♡piece
steph: go♡piss♡girl
tim: chronically♡online
damian: pissbaby
alfred: alfred>>>
#rin’s inbox 💌#bsf!damian#BEFORE IM ATTACKED#let it be known these are the only ones reader knows well enough to feel comfortable to make friendship bracelets with#ik there’s more members but these are the ones reader knows better ig#tbh i dont rlly see damian entertaining the thought of you meeting his family#he doesn’t want any attachment involved anymore since it’s bad enough how attached he is#but hypothetically#yea sure here’s the member i think would get along best with 14 year old ig
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#Reds such a unique and sad character to me#No matter what he does he is in a loop somehow. both actually and mentally.#He wants change - but he's afraid of it - But he NEEDS it - but its too scary.#He wants to be normal - But normal is boring - But its safe.#Too weird for people - too normal for freaks.#He Likes those two - But getting attached hurts. - But he truly does love them - But what if hes the issue? what is HE hurts them.#and thats why i think transport was such a big turning point. because he does hurt them#He tries his best and does what he thinks will be best.#him being alone so he issnt an “Issue”#And them being happy and healthy in a place where thier needs are met. and they dont have to be scared anymore.#but he fails and he hurts them.#His torture here is feeling helpless and whenever he tries it fails to the point he feels awful.#He has such complex and battling emotions they loop in his head over and over. too the point he cant do anything#thus making him a neutral character.#But neutral issnt a Good thing#Yes he doesnt hurt anything. But he doesnt help or comfort either#He is in a loop inside and out.#Hes drowning.#SIIIGHH sometimes it hurts understanding him /hj. (i know theres like a gigillion ways to interpret him lmao.}#im actuly kinda sad i havent seen anyone else have the idea of him being torn apart inside and anxious tho.#or that he sees himself as a big monster. maybe even due to him leaveing before (trying to help but failing again)#or that hes easy to manipulate. thus creating danger for the other two.#But im just yapping and making a comic based on my thoughts :]#(as ive been a lil mentally ill about string man lately.#dhmis#dhmis red guy#dhmis fanart#dhmis comic#dont hug me im scared
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Are you still interested in making South Park content?
NOOO!!!!! GET OUTTA MY HOUSE
#kidding. but yeah no im not planning to make any sp content ever again. maybe for the friends i made in the fndm or comms but thats it#dont have a lot of great memories attached to when i was fixated on the show and now it makes me feel gross to get any notifs on my sp post#but ik it means a lot to sum ppl and brings them joy. i dont wanna take that away yk. i want those ppl to keep enjoying it#but no. never again. lol#sp tiktok fandom i hope u rot#im not on tiktok anymore anyways#ask#txt
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i cant fully control my emotions during a breakdown and then i come out of it and im like oh fuck........ ._.
#bpd#like i dont mean to hurt anyone else with having my breakdown on my vent blog on tumblr...#like the stuff i say isnt aimed at anyone in particular#and it's abt MY feelings which are so confusing i get a headache#my thoughts is my enemy and im such a broken and confused little girl inside fr T-T#but like yeah im sorry for upsetting ppl???#but really i feel so suffocated bc im constantly terrified of saying smth that will upset this or that person#or reblogging the wrong thing and making someone im attached to hate me#like idk.... genuinely my blog is supposed to be a vessel? a tool? smth for me to be able to put my emotions and thoughts down#and try to make sense of them. even when i cant. it really only concerns me. i dont mean to attack or hurt anyone else :/#but i mean i really shouldnt and i shouldve learned this lesson so long ago....#being confused and broken and mentally ill and not knowing or understanding things and being messy and#saying the wrong things or phrasing it incorrectly or anything like that#or like sometimes i have one thought tied to a certain emotion but it's only there in that moment#like when i feel so lonely i could die.. yes i do have kidnapping fantasies. bc i dont.: whatever i dont owe anyone a psychoanalys of mysel#but that doesnt mean i want want to be kidnapped by a stranger who doesnt care abt me... i know that would be awful and traumatizing and no#what i *want*. bc what i desire is love#but like i feel so much pain and just venting abt it or reblogging a post helps me solidify my overwhelming emotions#idk what to say like..... ☹️☹️☹️☹️#i cant even fucking blog or do tumblr right im worthless. and yeah i know i have a victim complex.. sorry 🥲#hmmm. yeah idk what to say like when i have breakdowns i have to get myself thru them without any support#and i dont mean that to attack anyone else.: we're all alone i know.#but idk how to deal w it so i just type it out. its not to attack anyone else its to try to make sense of my emptions i dont understand ☹️#anyway.. maybe i should just accept that im too fucked up and too contradictory for anyone to actually like me#there will always be smth that will make everyone not like me anymore. thats that.#thank u for the time u do give me tho i always appreciate thay#and im sorry i really truly dont want to hurt anyone else#i just dont have .. idk it doesnt matter im sorry for what its worth and if anyone even reads this#i hope not bc i dont want anyone to perceive me and stuff like i dont wanna exist to anyone#and im not on tumblr or post stuff for attention. im just in pain and have nowehrre to put it. im sorry if im lashinf out and hurting other
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im thinking of maybe taking a break again
#being here just fills me with negative thoughts idk why#maybe I need to remake or maybe I just need to fuck off forever lol#but idk i feel isolated or like a misfit most of the time and like I'm under a constant state of surveillance#there's also a lot of memories attached to this account and while they're mostly good#they just make me sad af now :(#most of my friends dont even use this anymore so its just me here
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I feel lame for not having many ocs tbh. Whatever i do what i want forever
#idk i feel like my entire art is only ever used on drawing pre existing characters#usually from popular ips i feel so shallow.#any ocs i make i never get attached to. and if i do im too nervous to post them#or like with my fandom intrests i love them so intensely and then a month or so later#i dont give a shit anymore. i wish i wasnt so reliant on pre existing characters with pre existing personalities to draw#my attention. and draw in general.#bc when im not in an intense intrest phase i cant draw for shit. thatd be a perfect time to draw my ocs right?#but i need to be intensely intrested to draw in the first place. and they aren't fleshed out they dont have content#yhere is no book or movie or show or game. ive gotta do all of that. but that passion isn't there#i get no big ideas for stories of my own. no characters with compelling backgrounds everytging i do#just feels like a rehash or repackaging of something else.#and insult to injury. usually i can pinpoint exactly which pre exosting character im ripping from#which nothing wrong witg inspiration. if it was anyone else i'd be like fuck yeag dude thats awesome#but because its me it feels like stealing stealing stealing i cant think of anything on my own so i must steal#idk. whatever.#i mean i do have ocs but i havent drawn them in fucking forever it feels like. and i love them ig#for once i cant really pinpoint where i pulled them from. but too nervous to post them on#this blog and also again. drawing them feels like a chore because the obsession isnt there#vent#whateverrrrr my interps are baller my lines are swagular. im gonna make it whatever#and also i feel like a flake with my intrests and its not deliberate but sometimes i feel like im#pullibg people in from fandoms then pulling a switcheroo gotcha on them by being invested#in something else#which obviously im fucking not thats stupid im not doing this on purpose#but it still feels so yuuuuucky like im sorry ik this isnt what you folloed me for. sorry#SJATEVER i win at art wbatever whatever
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i've only completed like one fic from van's pov so far but i have Such. a precise way that i like to characterize Van and Love
it's unhealthy. it's so unhealthy!!
van's the type of person who attaches herself onto any girl that she thinks can provide her with Safety and Love, and she gives back everything she is in return bc she believes it's conditional. she thinks if she doesn't let them feed off her organs they won't love her anymore.
it's tai. it's lottie. (god i hope) it's nat.
and she plays so well off the three of them and their relationships with love.
tai loves van, she needs van, she needs van safe because she hurt van before, but shes also a narcissist. she needs to feel important and van gives her that. what's more important than being the center of this girl's world?
lottie doesn't want to be worshipped, but she will, if it helps van. she'll cut herself into pieces if she thinks it will help someone. it doesn't even really matter that it's van, but also it does, because van is the only one still around who's never thought she's crazy.
natalie didn't ever want to lead, but, god, it is so good to be loved. and van has so much love to give, so nice and docile and sweet like a dog, as long as lottie says, this is who we listen to now. this is who the wilderness speaks through now.
#i have a lot of feelings about van and#her relationship with love and safety#bc she obviously did not grow up in a home where those were guarantees#and nat was in a v similar seemingly more outwardly violent situation#but they expressed themselves differently. nat's a burnout. van attaches herself to tai. theyre not friends anymore.#and van keeps!! attaching herself to Girls With Authority. Girls With Social Status.#and obviously she attaches herself to tai and lottie for a myriad of different reasons. but its so interesting.#that at the core theyre both Girls With Status (in different ways)#god i hope in s3 van throws herself at nat's feet. i need it. i Need it. i need the patterns to continue.#i Need van to have fucked up sex with tai and lottie and nat you dont understand#anyway.#taivan#lottievan#natvan#van palmer#yellowjackets#amber.txt
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yes making friends always seemed harder than jusy going I Want You on people . this didn't backfire against me in any way (😄.)
#I can perfectly explain it also . Im not insane.#how do you truly guarantee someone will be interested enough in you to have a close relationship . Exactly . Romance.#It just automatically attaches them to you and they cant argue with that because love feels nice to Most people so . They cant deny it#and they cant deny it because going I dont want to date you anymore seems more painful than just going I dont want to be your friend anymor#romance just puts an extra significance to a relationship and i think that needs to be stopped so i can finally behave like an actual perso#Okay.#Did not mean to write all that.
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#tw suicide#tw overdose#tw suicide attempt#a close friend of mine overdosed for the 4th time in as many weeks last night and i just dont know what to feel anymore#she was sent home from the emergencies the 1st time and was staying with me for the 2nd which i still feel guilty about#how i was an idiot for not hiding any meds while i was in the shower#spent the full day at the hospital with her to make sure she was taken into inpatient care and not just dismissed#then yesterday morning shes released from the hospital and winds up in the same place that dismissed her the 1st time in the evening#and now isnt replying to any of my messages#and im just oscillating between feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety and nothing at all#and then feeling guilty when i feel nothing#or guilty that im angry at her because she purposefully did and said thing to hurt me#but shes hurting and i need and want to give her some slack but i just felt that attachment i had to her fade after the last thing she did#and i cant even bring it up with her bc last time i did she spiralled and didnt talk to me for a week#which is fucking worrying when shes so unstable#but ive not been eating or sleeping and just feel awful and anxious#at least now i have xanax for the panic attacks and dont have to rely on alcohol anymore but god#i just want things to get better#vent#delete later
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using one of the goofiest photos of pusia as a reference image
#rn i believe i will get my diploma done on time. after talking to one of my supervisors its seems i can go a fairly easier route#so im not as scared of it. still scared but not as much. i will be fine. smiles. thumbs up even#so im allowing myself for 15 minutes daily to spend on drawing things for myself. today i dedicated it to a silly 3000 meme#not telling how its related to them. no spoilers today#enjoy goofy ass bnuuy#also idk i dont feel super attached to my bunny fursona anymore. probably because i dont feel like it represents my gender well#i mean i made her back when i thought im cis. idk#thank u tumblr for letting me ramble about stuff in the tags#my art#bunny#notes app
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i kinda want to get into customizing sonic figures and im thinking about turning classic super sonic into fleetway super sonic since that would be a simple enough thing to start with but every time i think about it too hard i start to feel bad like hes begging me not to paint him or something
#i also dont have a double of him so like what if i regret it. and i also always feel kinda bad#customizing toys from brands that have a lot of collectors so surely theres someone out there who would want it as is unpainted#well sonic and variants of sonic are never hard to find they usually sit around on store shelves for a while#and the particular figure im talking about is still in stores#so its not like id be damaging a rare figure or old figure that isnt in production anymore or something.#and i dont feel super attached to classic super sonic right now but if i do suddenly decide that i want him#surely id be able to find him again. since again hes a sonic.#also any changes id be making to the figure would technically be reversible since this custom would be on the simpler side#so i Guess its fine
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My thing is if you're friend with people who you can't rib a lil over stupid shit they say or even more importantly, address/confront ignorant to harmful rhetoric that they come out with without them guilt tripping YOU for having principles than it's not a friendship worth cultivating imo. And same goes for them if you're a person who can't handle being checked maturely. People have told me I'm pretty cold for cutting ties with people who I've know for years like its nothing but it's like idk when someone shows you who they are, they really do feel like dead weight to me lol
#ive has friendships that were 5 to 10 years long and i have 0 problem just never talking to someone again oasmksmdks#same with like romantic relationships i dont find healthy or fair anymore and my friends are always like how the hell do you do that#and honestly idk i just genuinely stop feeling any sort of romantic attachment or friendliness with you when you cross a certain line#there are people that ive given multiple chances im not always THAT cold but its like once im sick of it im gone#anyway that swiffer post made me think of my old friends who i cut off lol like the swiffer shit was one thing that bothered me#but their overwhelming whiteness and excuses for shit like zionism & other things they thought were subtle microaggressions was ridiculous
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i miss when people were doing the drawbox things that was fun
#i could try bring it back by making one myself but ehhhhhh#i dont wanna Get them i wanna leave silly little drawings in peoples boxes#maybe im just artfightpilled rn. that might be it. or im tired#yall ever get out the shower and it feels like your hands arent a part of your body anymore like theyre just something else thats attached#o you#cicada screaming
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i've started to fucking hate and resent this blog and now i feel uneasy because now i really have nothing :)
#maybe being attached to your blog is loser pathetic etc etc#but yeah i mean it just is what it is#but now i fkn hate this blog so much and i cant stand it anymore and#like i dont have anyone anything or anywhere anymore this is all i have#but i hate it here so like idk what 2 do bc i feel so lonely and uneasy but nothing is making me feel ok i wanna die lol :p
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