#i dont even like panera

[walmart-miku]

I just had the most experience today.

So it's like 4 pm I'm at panera meeting up with friends and when I get to the booth there's this kid there talking to my friends so naturally I show up and I'm like

Me: who's the kid?

Everyone: that's Mr. President

Me: ok

Mr. President: Hello would you like to participate in a social experiment?

Me: yeah sure

Mr. President: *proceeds to have me take a quiz verbally it's very similar to uquizzes*

Mr. President: ok so according to your answers you are degenerative.

Me: ok? What's that mean?

Mr. President: *proceeds to accurately assess my entire personality and life*

Me: huh

Mr. President: *leaves to go eat dinner with his parents because we are in a panera bread*

Me: what the fuck just happened

Friend: I told you that's Mr. President. He shows up every Tuesday and Thursday and asks people questions.

[aahsoka]

anyways the guest talked about how a bunch of coffee from chains is owned by the same company and the host of the podcast was like those are all the worst chain bagels as a new yorker and the guest (an iowan) was like i always argue w my husband about this but i love the panera cinnamon crunch bagels and i felt such an immediate connection to this man . we are on the same midwestern wavelength

everyday i realize ways in which i am just like my parents. all the podcasts i like listening to are just the leftist versions of the talk show radio my dad would listen to growing up

[lovebunnie]

“it’s not about canon fucking capital!” nandor spits in the air between them. guillermos jaw drops a bit, and it all starts to feel like a bit of a sick joke to nandor. its never easy, not with guillermo.

he shifts and narrows his eyes. “being a janitor had its good moments,” nandor admits. “i liked being the barrier between the cleanliness of productivity and the filth of failure. also those paper towels were very powerful, they didnt even leave any streakies!

“but…” nandor lets his shoulders drop and he suddenly cant look at guillermo. “being around humans all day is kind of shitty.”

guillermo huffs. “trust me, hanging around vampires all the time isnt all its cracked up to be either. ya know, i spent so many years cleaning up shit and say what you will about panera but atleast cleaning toilets there got me a free pastry-“

“why do you always leave me?”

it shocks them both into silence. guillermos jaw clicks shut while nandor hunches his shoulders, as though he could curl away from his own confession. he was literally commanding an army, but here was where words failed him.

guillermo swallows. “leave you? im right here.”

“no you are not,” nandor hisses. “you are with celeste and then you are with derrick and then it is freddie and laszlo and now you are with jordan.” he steps forward, which makes guilermo step back. conquering lands, even here and now.

“why must you always leave? why do you want to leave, and why do i want you to stay? it was not like this with other familiars, ill have you know!”

nandor thinks about all the snide comments made by laszlo and nadja over the years. their familiars were always easy come, easy go. but guillermo was always there. he would misplace an ugly sock or leave his toothbrush in the open.

guillermo has always been different. guillermo has always been the exception.

it makes all the leaving he does very painful. nandor doesnt know why.

“other familiars don’t pledge almost half their lives to one master,” guillermo counters. “other familiars wouldve left a long fucking time ago.”

it takes everything in nandor not to shudder at being referred to as master by guillermo. “i dont give a shit about other familiars. not even my own old familiars. they were just… blips in the radar.”

“and me?” guillermo whispers, finally reclaiming the ground covered by nandor and placing them almost chest to chest. “fifteen years for a vampire doesnt seem like much of anything.”

“you were my purpose, guillermo,” he says. “to make you into a fucking cool vampire. and then you decided it wasnt actually what you wanted and after that annoying ceremony that i put a lot of hard work into, you wanted to leave again. so now i have no familiar, no purpose because you are not a vampire. i have nothing.”

guillermo stays quiet for many seconds and nandor can see his eyebrows twitching in thought. it had been so long since nandor has stood this close to guillermo so if nothing else, the proximity was a nice touch

“my purpose was to be turned into a vampire, by you,” guillermo says. “and then i realized it would never happen unless i did something, so i did. but it doesnt change the fact that i spent so many years knowing that i…” he swallows and to nandors delight, his cheeks turn crimson under shitty lighting. “i was meant to be yours, turned by you.”

“you are driving me crazy,” nandor says quietly. “i do not know why you keep leaving me and why i care so much. you really hurt me, you know! every time you leave it hurts!”

“i know why i keep leaving,” guillermo says. “and i think i know why you want me to stay so bad. the reasons are pretty similar, if i had to guess.”

“tell me,” nandor growls, his hands coming up to grip guillermos biceps so that he cannot flee, not again. “tell me.”

with the same drive behind the words that would compel weaker men, guillermo looks up at him, and before nandor can even think about speaking again, guillermo surges up and crashes their lips together with his hands tangled in nandors hair and knocking the head piece off in the process.

before it can even begin, guillermo pulls away. he is panting and then pulling a vibrating telephone out of his pocket. nandor watches with blazing eyes

“its jordan…” he trails off, looking thoughtful while nandor feels murderous.

a small smile creeps onto his face as the still vibrating phone goes back into his pocket. “but I’ve got better things to do.”

guillermo smiles at nandor and for once, he looks settled, not ready to bolt. nandor knows the same expression is reflecting on his face as well.

as he makes his move towards a willing guillermo, he hopes the camera crew is more engrossed with whatever antics nadja and laszlo and colin robinson have gotten into.

[backseatloversz]

a core memory of mine will always be when i was like 7 and i had maybe less than a dollar in change and i asked my parents if i could give it to a homeless person i saw on the street and they treated me like i was sooooo stupid and naive because he MIGHT not ACTUALLY need it and then i was trying not to cry in a panera wondering why they made me feel stupid for wanting to help someone that looked like they were in need. like. ? its so disheartening how middle class people treat those in need so horribly and dehumanize them so much because of the very slight risk they might not actually need what theyre asking for, with total ignorance to the fact if even one or two horrible things happened to them they could easily be in that exact same position. like. comfortable middle class people will very likely always be way closer to homelessness than becoming a millionaire than they like to think! and i think acknowleging that reality makes a lot of them uncomfortable! and i hate it! i really dont think it should be that hard to extend some grace to people just trying to survive. i think there are way less scam artists in the world than you think there are and way more people that actually need help

[localcryptid95]

talking to my sibling about a story I was writing that’s a lot darker than my usual stuff but feels a lot more me and near the end they just… guessed the ending. Spot on.

me: yeah so MC defeats the dark lord- sibling: but at a great personal cost. me: … sibling: MC doesn’t even get to go home do they? me: … sibling: they’re gonna go insane in the woods. Her and the other survivors are gonna slowly turn into monsters. me: … me: some literally, yes.

I burst out laughing in a Panera

And like i dont think that was even a sign of “your story is predictable” but more of “your soul is so apparent in this story that the people who know you take a look at it and go “ah, look at that, I recognize this”” and thats probably gonna continue to be my motivation to finish

so i guess the moral of the story is write the story you wanna write and feels the most you and that’ll be enough lol

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3892

i feel like my allergies are acting up. it doesn't taste or smell like a sinus infection quite yet. i should get a netipot tomorrow and flush my sinuses out. i don't want it to become a sinus infection.

that said, today was an alright day. started out taking joel to a friend's house to fix his streaming setup, and i went to starbucks and was going to go to panera but instead went to walmart and got a tackle box/bag for all of my amigurumi stuff, like the eyes and bits for finishing it all. joel called once he was done, and he and his friend and i met up at the airport diner for lunch.

after lunch we stopped at home to grab a few things and then headed back out. we first stopped at guitar center, where i once again had the realization that i should've done percussion instead of woodwind instruments as i tapped my way through the selection of djembes, bongos, and rhythm boxes. i ended up picking up a couple of ukulele books because i've got two and i might as well know how to play them.

then we went to diversity games and i picked up a deck box for the mothman deck i was given along with some dice to go along with it. what happened was i bought all of the dice of that one pattern in the store. womp womp. i also got a liquid core d20 necklace that is pink and sparkly inside. i'm gonna hang it in my car once i get her back. it's perfect for that.

then we went to connor and aurora and logan's for a while. joel and some of the lads went and got mac n cheese while others went to the grocery store. i ordered thai food and got it delivered. i also sat and worked on my homework a bit, but i didn't finish everything. but i got tired and around 10pm i headed back here, since joel is sleeping over there.

and now it's past 4 fucking am and i want to sleep but joel is not here and for a while i was too cold to sleep but i put on a bunch of layers and im warm now but my nose is stuffy and hates me and i just want to sleep for a month. i dont even know what day it is anymore.

[whatskraken]

Whether you like it or not I’m going to start posting my stoner recipes because I have always dreamed of having a big party where everyone brings their most Baked Good Snack (big Hear Me Out energy encouraged, don’t show up with a bag of Funyuns unless you’ve also brought a jar of jalepeno jelly and bacon bits <this recipe has not been tested it’s just a generic example that feels accessible to most>)

Anyways, Audience, tonight’s snack is:

Savorie Sesame Pizza Bites (not Pizza)

Brain Power Required: 4 (low: these steps are for the “fancy” version but could be simplified to avoid using oven broiler)

Cravings: Funky, Umami, Carbs, Deep, Luncheon, Pop-Em-In’s, Finger Foods

Ingredients: sesame bagel, butter, marmite spread, Italian blend shredded cheese.

1) slice/toast bagel, lighter side (toaster)

2) spread with butter and SMIDGE of marmite. This does deepen to “burned” flavor under broiler if spread too thick. Marmite is not like apple butter think of it more like MSG paste.

3) sprinkle with shredded Italian blend cheese.

I know you’re thinking “this is a great place to riff” and YOURE RIGHT but I promise you you need to try it as-written first. Yes it feels beige but just trust me for once.

4) Broil on LOW for 6-8 min (oven)

PLEASE SET A TIMER AND DONT BROIL ON HIGH. I promise you 9 times out of 10 high broiler just ends up burning before the whole thing warms through and gets the benefit of being in an oven.

You want the cheese brown like a Panera Bread Asiago Bagel. I guess you could just eat an Asiago bagel with marmite and butter, but the toasted sesame really gives a satisfying munch.

4) Cut each half bagel into 6 triangular pieces. THIS STEP IS NECESSARY OTHERWISE ITS JUST A BAGEL.

You could serve here with some sort of blended cottage cheese & chives/scallions, ranch, hot sauce, or any sort of dip you could whip up from fridge condiments. This is a bonus step for extra-munchie affairs. They are really yummy standalone in the way a soft pretzel is. Speaking of which queso or even gas station nacho cheese would be fire.

I hope you enjoyed this recipe and will give it a try!!!

Also just to emphasize I’m sure this is just a normal food for many people but I just want to encourage some of you to give marmite the correct shot.

[sunspira]

it runs the risk of sounding elitist and using the word normie but there really are so many people who talk and behave in ways that just baffle me I just do not understand and tbh I look like a fool to them too. so I don't get in my own ego I try to remember they have such value and complexity I cant possibly fully imagine or fully understand but simultaneously most of them have never seen or been able to see my full complexity or value. which doesnt mean it isnt there, just because they dont see it. and visa versa. They are definitely real people out there but all I can say is I am as weird to them as they are to me. so tbh there arent really npcs its just your brother in law and panera general manager can be your polar opposite and can seem to speak a different language even if you grew up in the same town. thats why small towns can be stifling and online can be freeing. its just that everyone from real life small towns is online now. in the old days most people on the internet were weird. lot of artists (that includes self made music student film experimental painters animators poets and creative writers etc), tech people, counterculture people, fantasy and scifi people, asd people, usually more than one of the above. Maybe we are likeminded and have an easier time understanding each other. but youd find most online seemed especially relatable and easy to connect with, because theyre part of your clique. There are simply more people from your highschool online now and the culture feels a little bit more like highschool. less like a friends sleepover or anime club. not highschool as in more catty per say (the social politics and drama of the emo kid friend group would rival wars) but more bland and normative.

it's always wild to me how many people use social media exactly like the fake users they make up in tech demos do. just commenting on chipotle's post about a new type of steak like "😍 can't wait to try it!" and reacting to articles on mass death events with "😥"

[isaswifty]

week: whos even counting lol

I was unable to go to class the past 2 weeks due to me not feleing well/being kinda sad the first week and then the second week i was stuck in the lobby of my apartment trying to DEAL WITH STUFF because i signed a lease, so i could live with my friend next semester and she ended up backing out AFTER i had signed the lease!!!!!!! oh my gosh!!!!!! THANK YOU QUEEN YASSSSSS!!!!! but anywho, i was so pissed off oh my gosh!! Then on that thursday i was stuck in the admissions office because my old college did not send my transcrips so i couldnt sign up for class for fall semester! Anywho currently writing this from a panera because the wifi in my apartment is down. so... yas.

ANYWHOO TTPD CAME OUT LAST NIGHT WTF!!!

ill get to that later, lets talk class. On tuesday we talked about our rankings of the Taylor Swift albums and red and folklore were in first place for me. We also watched some presentations, it was fun!! I worked on my project until 11pm at the library that night and it was so fun!!

wednesday i went to taylor swift trivia and it was si much fun! also worked on my project a little bit more as then after trivia (we got 5th!!) me and riya went and filmed our project and i went home and edited it until 2 am!

The next day we showed some people in class and they thought it was funny!!

ANYWHOOO TTPD CAME OUT TODAY AND WTFFFFFFFFF ITS SO GOOD!! LIKE I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN BUT LIKEEE florida!!! and the tortured poets department are my faves obvi

anywhoo!! it was the seocnd to last class which is so sad but it was so much fun and im so glad i got into the class!

XOXO Bella!!

[ghost-of-the-machine]

honestly dreading my birthday cuz how are they gonna fuck it up for me this year?

i dont think ive had a single birthday i didnt cry on. they use it as like an excuse to go do things which sure! if we wanna go do things thats fine, but.. they dont even let me pick where we go, this year is one of the only times ive been like. i said hey maybe we could go here sometime and we're actually going. i hope its okay, im not excited cuz my moms bringing her husband and they. should be divorced already but whatever i just?

my birthday last year fucking sucked. they took me out to like. minigolf which was alright! i do like minigolf and not to brag but i was pretty good at it... but there were too many people, it made me really anxious and then the one time i tried to like. snap myself out of it and try n enjoy my time, i made a joke to my sibling (like a clear joke too i just said i was gonna kill em, i say shit like that all the time and they do as well) and they decided for the first time ever to take it seriously and get mad at me for it so it ruined my mood and i was just waiting to leave

i think the worst part? we went to panera bread cuz i like the breadbowls, and. look, there have been very few times in my life where i dissociate so hard im seeing myself from above but.. being surrounded by family in that building and having not a single one near me or talking to me? having them all talk to eachother and leaving me alone there in the middle? it hurt, it hurt a lot. it made me realize they dont actually care about me, this is their birthday basically. everyones birthday but mine

i wrote myself a little like. bday fic with kelvin before my bday last year but. after the actual day i abandoned it completely, the whole thing was ruined for me. it sucked

we're going to the aquarium for my birthday, so hopefully ill have a good time. im scared though, itll be ruined for me im sure. my mom will call my dom, but she'll misgender me, my grandma will deadname me blatantly, etc. i. i wish i could take myself out on my birthday instead, maybe.. i wish i could spend it with my friends. anytime ive gone out with my friends, ive had the best day ever. im never deadnamed, never misgendered cuz i act totally different, im 10x more confident and i carry myself with certainty, people recognize me as a man from BEHIND, even if my face is covered they recognize it (which is something thats important to me, ive always been afraid my eyes are like. too feminine or something)

my family wouldnt like that, but. i deserve to be happy on my birthday, right? i dont even CARE about it that much, like genuinely thats how it is i dont give a shit about the day i was born cuz its never been fun for me. i want to experience it just one time, one time with my friends instead? i dont care what we do, we can do whatever THEY want genuinely, just like we always do. id have such a great time no matter what

it just sucks, im bracing for it. i hope they bring my niece and focus on her the whole entire time like i GENUINELY would prefer that so much, like omg yes look at the 5 year old having her first aquarium trip yippiee!!! and ill go fuck off and enjoy the fish somewhere else

[klapollo]

like look let's pretend saying "the panera lemonade that kills you" for the 50000th time in six months is actually funny. even so. what are these jokes doing besides neutering the culapbility of a company facing legal action for irresponsible marketing that has killed at least two people, one of whom was just 21 years old. the lawsuit says that the disregard could potentially lead to endangering children as well as people who are pregnant and breastfeeding.

dennis brown, the other person who died because of this, was a disabled man with chromosomal deficiency disorder and high blood pressure who already made a concerted effort to not drink energy drinks specifically because he was aware it was dangerous. if panera had been responsible and forthcoming, he no doubt would have avoided drinking it in the first place, let alone three in one sitting which led to a fatal cardiac event that took his life. imagine how the people who loved dennis and sarah katz feel seeing the tragic deaths of their loved ones be reduced to a meme that practically markets the thing that killed them, and promotes the company whose irresponsible practices contributed to it.

i dont think people are evil for hopping on this meme, but in a post-stella liebeck world we NEED to think about who it benefits to see the headline "panera lemonade causes two people to die" and instead of interrogating further we talk about how funny it is that people died from lemonade or how we neeeeeeed to try this "cocaine lemonade" or whatever -- basically marketing the product they're being sued over and giving free advertising to panera as a reward for fatal neglect.

ok im already starting to see other people point out that joking about panera's neglect killing multiple people with heart problems through that lemonade is probably bad and doing footwork for a corporation being sued for said neglect maybe im not ridiculous

[yatiso]

i stressed myself tf out over nuffin i thought black friday was gonna be crazy for work today esp crazy bc its my second day… it was busier wednesday !

[rogersandclarke]

does anyone know any other places that do monthly subscriptions where you can get coffee everyday like pret a manger and panera do

[rose-honey-lemonade]

.

[butchass]

this reminds me of this thing i do with my coworkers

so i work at a panera and we have this speaker to play songs on in the back like while we clean up after 7 and stuff. and EVERY TIME somone asks for song recomendations, i say gangnam style. i dont even like gangnam style

i will listn to smash mouth all star every day

[cleeeffa]

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