#i dont consider him a bad dad hes a complicated dad

[majimassqueaktoy]

How is it Kiryu is both a great and a terrible dad? Its a talent I guess.

Duality of man 🥰

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[todayisafridaynight]

Kiryu's trying so hard to be a good dad for all of his kids while Kazama very clearly only favored Kiryu. Do I think this was an intentional writing decision? Probably not but it's interesting

intentional or not, its a good perspective and helps explain why kiryu Is Like That. especially if we want to look at the case of nishiki who was given too much power before he was ready to handle it (and around the same age as daigo too if not a little younger), kiryu wants to make sure daigo doesnt similarly crumble under that pressure that nishiki did. we know nishiki's death haunts him for at least five games after the fact- it's no wonder he's so hyperfocused on making sure it doesn't happen again

the problem lies in that, just like kazama to nishiki, kiryu was the reason why daigo got that much power in such a short amount of time anyway. we know he acknowledges this, which is probably why he tries so hard for the tojo despite wanting to distance himself from the yakuza world. kazama did the bare minimum- if anything- for nishiki. and while we know kiryu respected kazama immensely, i want to hope over the years he's realized that leaving a young man in a powerful position unprepared isn't a good idea, esp after mine rubbed salt in the wound and called him out for abandoning the tojo- ergo daigo, so now he especially feels like he has to make it up to him.

if he couldn't help nishiki, then the next best thing he can do is help someone he considers his son- as if trying to right the wrong kazama did and be a better father, whether he can admit or not to kazama failing to take care of nishiki

but the follow up problem to THAT is he's neglecting his other kids when he does go to help. it wouldnt be a problem if RGG remembered the ryudo family and they could watch the kids while he's gone or something, but since they don't we just have to assume haruka's unfortunately been left to act as big sister to all these kids, and THAT has undoubtedly bred a great burden of feeling responsible when she's only a kid. it's really unfortunate that while kiryu apologizes to daigo repeatedly, he never apologizes to haruka for leaving her alone and in charge so many times (i actually thought kiryu's letter in Y6 was supposed to go to haruka at first). it's made her feel as though she has to take care of everyone and she has to be the strong one for the family when kiryu's away, and because of that we get problems like Y5 and Y6

in all of this, and in a terrible twist of irony, in trying to prevent one of his loved ones from enduring a similar fate as nishiki, he's now jeopardizing his relationship with his other kids- he's now unintentionally putting haruka on the back burner because he's so traumatized over what happened to his brother. he might have prevented another nishiki situation, but haruka had to be collateral as a result

[welcometogrouchland]

Batman #149 by chip zdarsky is mostly unremarkable, but I'm really fascinated by how it makes a great case for 'good' endings not saving 'bad' stories*. Because there's a lot of interesting concepts in this issue (bruce having to deal with his rapidly aging and decaying clone making him think about his own life, re-establishing a 'nest' so to speak for his family after pushing them away, etc) but bc of the OOC slog that came before it, almost every moment w/ the batfamily comes off as unearned and disingenuous imo.

Like, everything with Damian is the perfect example in this. Because in isolation it's...fine. admittedly it's a missed opportunity to not go deeper into how Damian would feel about a clone of his dad who tried to kill considering Damian's relationships with clones of himself (the heretic rejects and respawn) or with former enemies who wanted him dead but who were manipulated and/or brainwashed (like suren and maya).

Zdarsky doesn't go into any of this but you could maybe excuse it as the issue not being about Damian. However, coupled with the previous bizarre characterizations of Damian in 147 and 148, it ends up not being fine- instead it starts to feel...icky how Damian (who, despite often being drawn and written as white, will never have his connection to the non-white al ghuls forgotten and will always be effected by racism even when not portrayed as a poc) is constantly written as overly violent, uncaring and narrow minded in this run. Coupled w/ trying to recanonize the morrison origin for Damian it's like. OH this is badly written and laden with subtle bigotry, sick**

That's me going into detail on it with Damian but it's applicable to other things in this issue- the way Cass, Steph and Duke have all been ignored or turned into jobbers makes their inclusion in the 'family' here feel hollow instead of satisfying. Bruce proclaiming that Zur was still a part of him and he needs to accept responsibility for his actions (when it means taking in clone son) wrings hollow when just last issue zdarsky was bending over backwards to separate Bruce and Zur bc otherwise the Jason thing would get really awkward. Ends are achieved through means that feel hollow or strange. I'm at my destination but damn why'd the bus have to do all that???

I only really have opinions on this latest arc of zdarskys Batman bc it's the one I've read the closest (bc I'm a hater, masochist and avid follower of even the bad damian storylines) but it's not saying great things.

Bc zdarsky can do one thing good in this book, and it's write Bruce and Tim. And yet this entire story, whether of his own volition or editorial mandate, includes other characters who aren't Bruce and Tim, the fabric starts to unravel in very telling ways.

(p.s, I think pennyworth manor is an interesting idea but I feel like in execution it's just gonna be 'bruce living in a house haunted by the memory of the people he couldn't save' but with a different dead guy this time. Illusion of change and whatnot)

*whether or not the ending is good is up to you ofc, as is your opinion on the proceeding arc! I saw some ppl complain that the ending was too "WFA" for them, which I get even if I dont think it'll literally be the same premise. If anything it's probably a lead into the new tec run. Likewise many ppl who aren't in the weeds of Damian and Jason characterization liked the previous arc! But I have my opinions and rest my case before the bench

**disclaimer, I'm white and portrayals of bigotry in comics are complicated and subjective, but I am basing my point here off what other poc comic fans on socmed have been saying about 149. Also the "sick" is sarcasm incase that wasn't obvious

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Chapter 13

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

I'm here! Finally posting yesterday's read.

Last night I was watching critical role and making flower crowns for the ren faire today and I totally lost track of time. But I did read earlier and I have the notes!

Anyways; no tea- I slammed this coke zero. The flower crowns ended up being real cute though.

Here we go; last chapter of book 2!

I'm already nervous :( this chapter is titled coercion. Coercion of who?

Well. Shen Qingqiu arrives and the mountain is already under siege- solid start. p283

This is less a reflection on this current chapter and more a thought about the longevity of this character; but I feel like Luo Binghe is going to inevitably perish. The reckless abandon in which he approaches anything Shizun adjacent is going to end this man. Like in this chapter- fully just tells everyone he's of demonic heritage- 0 fucks, no care for his own life now or in the future. Sure, he's powerful as hell but like eventually he has to sleep. p284

Oh gosh. Both Yue Qingyuan and Liu Qingge are in a bad way AND they are in the same room as Luo Binghe. p285

Okay but to be fair, when it comes to the body of Shen Qingqiu I am on the side of the sect here. Like bare minimum even if this man supposedly committed all the crimes (he didnt and they do know this) he still deserves to have proper death rites. Luo Binghe did do some unhinged things. pp 286-287

RIP Shang Qinghua LOL everyone knows you are an opportunist with nary a loyal bone in your body. Congrats on your entire sect knowing now p288

OOP. the audacity of Luo Binghe to Liu Qingge "ah! The loser I defeated" I mean not wrong but you dont have to be a dick about it. p289 Luo Binghe is so cocky!

and here we have SQQ inserting himself into mortally dangerous situations that he could have walked away from. The self sacrificing he has been doing this entire book (intentional or not) is so wild. This man cannot do anything in a stealthy way- everything dramatic and loud and at the centre of attention. p290

WAIT! "caught you shizun" p290 He did know! I had a suspicion!

What did you expect SQQ ofc he meant to draw you out. He could have tracked you but he lost the ability to do so with the other demon. p293

as an aside I am now wondering how this is going to work out. The Zhuzhi-Lang can also torture and track him at a distance- this is going to be a later problem for SQQ and Luo Binghe no doubt

oh poor buddy "you're not a fool...I am" p293

ooooooo. "didn't my sweetness make shizun oh-so happy?" p294. that's not even it oh no so much emotional damage

Also Shang Qinghua exposed again with the mushroom info p294

I am on SQQ's side with this one. How can the sect be mad about him not going there right away when he was kind of underground and also had to relearn how to move his own body p295

I am annoyed at Liu Qingge and I think, maybe, unjustifiably. I feel like his character is complicated and eventually I want to read a character study or two about him for more insight. What prompted this is: he is both acknowledging that SQQ is doing something utterly selfless for the sect but also pissed that he's doing it at all. Like- is it him feeling inadequate? Or is it how he feels about SQQ or the sect? idk- I will continue to think about him. p297

Luo Binghe was not satisfied with mushroom-zun he also wants the original body?? p299

RIP all of SQQ's dignity and his mental health "I've already submitted to you" p299 his word choice though LOL

His body is missing?!?!?!?!?!? p300

what a cliffhanger! Now I need to know who stole his corpse! If it ends up being 2 SQQ's OR that Luo Binghe's dad is using SQQ's original body I am done done LOL.

We finished book 2!

Thank you to those who have been reading along- this has truly been so fun! I appreciate all the comments and clarifications; they have been helpful and have been making this reading process super engaging. Getting to chat about the thing I am enjoying with others who also love The Thing has been a solid highlight of my days!

[ashoss]

stephanie & bruce fic recs

for @peachie-wren13 :DD

Permutations & Hinterlands - cabezas_de_vaca

steph & bruce

7.5k words, 1 chapter

summary:

She and Bruce are complicated (not bad complicated, not wrong complicated, just complicated, because he isn’t her father and will never be her father and yet he sort of also is) but he cares. It gets lost sometimes, under the demands of Gotham, but it’s there.

And so, she just asks him. “Do you want to go to Colorado with me?”

Or: Bruce, Steph, and a road trip

* heed the tags !! angsty

dont wanna long post this so more under the cut :)

sweet child o’ mine - Nokomis

steph & bruce, steph & alfred

4,4k words, 1 chapter

Summary:

Steph said cheerfully, “Bruce, from now on, consider yourself in possession of one Steph-mom.”

“Absolutely not,” Bruce said.

Steph took a bite of her cake, undeterred.

A Softer Gotham - Hinn_Raven (series)

steph & bruce, time travel

12.2k words, 3 works

summary: One night makes all the difference. Especially a night when Stephanie Brown, in the wrong dimension, interferes in a mugging.

though your eyes will need some time to adjust - popsunner

steph & bruce

4.4k words, 1 chapter

summary:

“I think…” Stephanie takes a deep breath, “I think I’m bad.”

“I don’t.”

“So what, I’m just supposed to believe you?”

“I am Batman.”

Stephanie snorts, “Yeah, you are… but what if I’m still bad?”

“Then I forgive you.” _______

Or: Stephanie and Bruce, figuring it out

Tuck Me In - OberonBronze

bruce & his kids (big on jason, but it does have cute scene w the other ones esp steph)

14.1k words, 1 chapter

summary:

Bruce Wayne and his long-standing habit of tucking his kids into bed.

Galas Suck - dottie_dc (dottie_wan_kenobi)

steph & bruce

1.9k words, 1 chapter

summary:

When she doesn’t respond, he looks down to her face, finding her staring in the direction of the doors they came in through. “Something on your mind?”

He’s really asking, why did you come and get me? If it’s just nerves, she would’ve been better off with one of the others. No, it must be something else.

Steph blinks, turning her gaze upwards. Never one to back down, she meets his eyes long enough for him to see she’s not in any distress, at least. “Just thinking.”

“About?”

“I don’t know,” she mumbles. “Everything. Nothing.”

------------

Written for the Gen Batfam Christmas Stocking 2019, for the prompt "Wayne Gala"

the early robin gets the worm - deargalileo

bruce & his kids

7k words, 1 chapter

summary:

bruce loves all of his children equally. its just when he has to wake them up, that there's an issue.

aka; the five times bruce tries to wake up his kids, and the one time that he doesn't.

DON’T YOU CRY, DRY YOUR EYES. - orpheusaki

steph & bruce

4.8k words, 1 chapter

summary:

After inhaling her food before Bruce's even halfway through his vanilla milkshake, Stephanie seems to have sobered up a little. She's looking less green, and more like she's trying to develop x-ray vision and look into Bruce's soul.

Or maybe she's still drunk, because she very suddenly and very bluntly tells him, "I used to wish you were my dad," drowning her chips into a little pot of ketchup.

Bruce pauses. He slowly drops the chicken nugget he was about to put in his mouth — since now is probably not the time to complain about how the nuggets are a little dry today.

(Bruce Wayne is not Stephanie Brown's father, not at all.)

*tbh anything by orpheusaki is gonna be an amazing read, ive loved all the fics ive read by them <333

Have I Told You About Minnie? - Hinn_Raven

steph & bruce, bruce & his kids

4.6k words, 1 chapter

summary:

After you’ve known Matches Malone long enough, you get used to him telling you about his kids. Not that his kids know about it.

too young to be taken seriously, too old to believe all this hypocrisy - Hinn_Raven

steph & jason & bruce

5.7k words, 1 chapter

summary:

When Crystal Brown goes into rehab, leaving Stephanie in the sole custody of her father, Steph decides to run away from home, and meets Jason Todd, who decides that she is the best little sister ever.

or:

"the dark knight is beaten up by children on the anniversary of his parents death... tragic"

theres not a lot of steph and bruce fics and it makes me sad :((

btw i have a google doc with a shitttttt ton of fics lol. its some recs ive been asked for so hope yall enjoy :)

[immersilly]

摸門釘 [Ena Sekiro Lore]

Please do NOT heavily reference your own works using mine :)!

Tbhk oc lore made by me, i might alter it again idk. enjoy i guess, i dont know why anyone would want to read this lol

background/ lore information for Ena Sekiro and 'The Mother of Supernaturals' Suzuna

---

Background info-

Birth place: Kokuren village/clan

• Village that follows 'olden ways' and did not modernize with society

• In far mountains

Old folk lore speaks of a demon who had plagued their village for centuries, consuming and devouring its people, people could not leave the town, out of fear. One day an "angel" falls from the heavens to Kokuren village the angel and the demon fight and in the end, both die

• Their fight leads to the growth of black lotus flowers.

• Rumor has it that one day a child of sin would be born and the demon would reincarnate from that child and ruin the village once more

• The angel would be worshiped like a deity

• While the village no longer was isolated/ unable to explore, it was still taboo to leave or explore the world

• Had connections to surrounding clans including Minamoto clan

• Black lotus would be experimented and used for rituals or spiritual/religious things relating to the angel and the demon

Black lotus info:

• They cannot be grown artificially; they only grow in the village, how they keep spreading is unknown

• Only grow naturally around the village, grow in big cluster where it was assumed the demon and angel had died together

• The flowers seem to live forever, or a really long time

• The black lotus is extremely poisonous, simply touching it can cause irritation to the skin. Consuming it could altogether just kill a person. But mainly dulls/ weakens consumer's senses

---

Family background-

-(Ena's Mom)

A married woman and her husband live together in Kokuren village.

        • The wife happens to study the black lotus. Also happened to often assist the uses of black lotus in         rituals etc.

        • Considered important woman who is respected by others

        • One day she meets an injured fangxiangshi (chinese excorsist)

        • He is a wanderer who does as he pleases, originally going to Japan to meet with a Japanese excorsist         (assumed to be head of minamoto clan) but gets into a complication with a apparition and ends up         dragged near the village

        • He's a womanizer 💀 very bad.

        • She is cautious if him since he's an outsider, but she helps him none the less.

        • The two end up having an affair and he ends up leaving

-(Ena's Dad)

A fangxiangshi of an honorable family who decided to travel the world for a sense of freedom, leaving all his responsibilities behind.

        •despite his layed back, womanizing behavior, he is still in fact a powerful exorcist

----------

Backstory: 

When Hiromu was born, he looked exactly like his father, the same brown hair and greyish purple eyes, traits neither his mother or his mother's husband had.  With Kokuren's traditional customs, the idea of affairs were frowned upon, especially from someone with her reputation as scientist (studying the black lotus).

To save face, his mother claims that the rumors of the reincarnation of the demon are true and she is a victim of it all. 

Hiromu is promptly caged and isolated from other children and citizens as a whole. His mother take the position of 'studying' him since she studied the black lotus. For the first few years of Hiromu's life his mother would briefly care for him whenever it was necessary and spend the rest of her time with her black lotus study. The whole reincarnation ploy was a ruse of course-

It would not stay that way. There was of course suspicion from other villagers that the baby was actually the result of an affair, but those rumors were originally rare due to Hiromu's mother's position, there was no reason for her to lie. Seeing how she was willing to spare the child and study it instead of immediately killing it made people suspicious. 

Hiromu's mother tried her hardest to refute these rumors the harsher and more popular this rumor of her affair got. She cared deeply for her position and her reputation. If she was shamed and found out what she did she would no longer be allowed her job of studying lotus along with the tarnished reputation. She would become so committed to denying the affair claims she started to genuinely believing she didn't have an affair. 

Eventually a psychic would be hired to examine Hiromu when he turned 5. By then he was locked up in an isolated shed. The Psychic confirms that there is something wrong with his energy. She says there is a dark spiritual energy that emanates from him that would be difficult for low level exorcists to expel or even sense. After her vision, she take her money for the job and leaves. 

With this now confirmed Hiromu's mother, who already begun believing her own delusions full on believed it was not her fault at all. Her son was cursed by the legend of a demon and she was the poor victim. 

Soon after she left, sightings of supernatural creatures and occurrences begun on the rise. Hiromu's 'awakening demon presence' was to blame according to the villagers. 

Little did the village know, the psychic was a fraud/scammer who only spoke what would benefit her. She assumed eventually she would be called back to exorcize the child herself after her claim that weaklings couldn't sense the dark aura and planting a supernatural charm on him to attract supernatural to him, causing more of a stir. Her hopes of being called back for another job for the village failed. 

With the confirmation that Hiromu is in fact the incarnate of the demon who destroyed their village that chief takes matters into his own hands. Hiromu's identity is announced to the whole village (reminder he is still just a child). Instead of immediately killing him, they use his body as a sacrifice/tool for their rituals, giving to the angel who protecting them centuries ago. 

(WARNING FOR THIS PARAGRAPH ONLY: SLIGHTLY GRAPH/GOREY/ HONESTLY JUST TORTURE)

Hiromu had his canines' shaves flat and nails partially removed in order 'to disarm the demon' he was to be locked away and only let out when he was needed in a ceremony, ritual or any event giving to the angel. He was forced to drink a liquid made of the black lotus his mother was in charge of studying daily. While not shown, Hiromu would describe the ceremonies and rituals as painful ripping and tearing apart of his limbs into the bleeding was no more. The Black lotus liquid itself tasting detestable, it pained his organs and every movement, but the pain overtook any other feeling. 

Other than the ceremonies, early on, while he was more able bodied, he would attempt to escape many times. All attempts would fail and end with him being dragged back to where he started. When he was locked up he would spend his time counting, the only thing he really knew how to do. 

Eventually a woman in the village had enough of the treatment of the child and attempted to help him escape. Letting him out of his cell, she ran with him into the forest, hoping to find a way out, somewhere he would be safe from the hell he knew as home-. She would fail and die, being slaughtered by an apparition attracted to the charm tagged to Hiromu himself. Hiromu on the other hand would survive. After watching the woman be eaten, he would be saved by a Minamoto child, Teru Minamoto. 

Taken back home, nothing would come of this interaction. Teru's visits would increase with the number of apparitions. Kokuren would be used as a sort of warming up training ground with the increased amount of apparitions it summoned. The chief would not inform Teru nor his instructor of the 'demon' and the villagers were ordered not to say a word. (Minamoto clan would eventually stop their training visits and offer talisman that would protect the village. without knowledge of the shed, it would not be protected) 

Hiromu's attempts to escape would come to a stop after the woman's death. 

(back to not able bodied Hiromu WARNING: THIS PARAGRAPH IS AGAIN, A LITTLE UNSETTLING)

One day after a ceremony left him in severe condition he would be left lying on the ground in his shed. The effect of every ceremony, ritual, event had worsened his body to a nauseating degree. Parts of his skin were left with dark purple coloration from all the black lotus he had drank, he no longer could taste, or feel anything but that concoction and pain, his sight was degrading and overall might as well have been dead and decomposing. 

After news of a strange energy drawing supernaturals in from the area became known. Suzuna would leave the school and investigate on her own. It would not hurt to try, testing her limit as a lone floating voice would not be bad. If she wanted to gain any strength or resilience she had to start from somewhere. Upon making it to the village after a long walk, she would focus her attention on a shed. A very peculiar shed. Upon investigating she would find a boy. A scrawny, injured, out of place, unsettling to look at boy, but a normal boy in the end. What took her attention was not his horrible state or condition, not even the building. It was his face. He looked strikingly similar to a child she once loved and cared for dearly. 

Horimu is offered help from a mysterious voice coming from a woman. She gives him the choice of rotting away like a corpse, or following her as her assistant. In his eyes she is his savior, the one who will be able to save him. He is desperate for the pain and numbness to end. When he accepts, she 'puts him back together' and helps him escape. 

"you will needs me and me alone, no one else with harm you this way again as long as you obey my every orders. No one else will save you, child" 

From that day forward the rise of supernaturals around Kokuren with cease. 

Suzuna renames Horimu, Ena, after the first child she favored. WHile unable to remove the purple marks on his body or his taste, she was able to remove a majority of his fatigue and physical injuries, she cures his eyesight and makes him able bodied once more.   

Ena would stubble his way out of the forest before passing out. unable to carrying him or anything as only a voice, she could only watch over him. 

A girl passing by on her walk home is alarmed, seeing the passed out boy just laying in the dirt. She picks him up and takes him home. From there she nurses him back to full health. Ena, who cannot speak, read or write, learns most of his academics from the girl. She takes care of him out of worry, he doesn't look from around the city in his attire, and he couldn't even speak to her properly to begin with. Ena is untrusting of her and starts off uncomfortable and cold to her (he literally cannot communicate with her). As time goes on, he begins warming up to her, Suzuna on the other hand urges him to leave. Ena is wary of leaving though, finding comfort in the girl who he was under the care of. This would end poorly, with Suzuna luring a supernatural to her home effectively killing her and her family.  Suzuna blames Ena for the girl's death and urges him to follow orders better or more will die. 

Suzuna guides him back to Kamome Academy, where her real form is able to reside...

currently Ena is Suzuna's asistant; he works to care adn protect the apparitions of Kamome academy in Suzuna's place

----------

Suzuna lore:

"Despite not being an official School Wonder, Suzuna (鈴奈) [known as Lady Suzu or Suzu, or 'The Mother of Supernaturals'] has the respect of most supernatural and other wonders of the school. It's thought that she has been residing here for a long time. She is unofficially titled "Wonder number 0" Suzu sometimes speaks of a time where she once had a body (she's a disembodied voice currently, she is only able to form a false body for herself in a certain small part of the school). No one is sure how it happened, but rumor has it, god had taken away her body as divine punishment."

backstory-

Suzuna was once a well loved priestess of a shrine (that would later be built over and turned into Kamome Academy). She often watched over the children who visited and aided the elderly. Anyone in her care was surely to feel better. She wore a warm smile and she was always covered or had cherry blossom petals on her uniform and in her hair. She remembered everyone who visited and was sure to greet them is she ever saw them. She acted as a caring warming mother to everyone. She seemed to be an untouchable flawless being who blessed any who came into contact with her. Her favorite was a little girl named Ena who frequently visited her, giving her trinkets and gifts whenever she visited. She treated her Ena as if she were her own daughter. She would give the world for her. They would talk for hours about whatever Ena wanted. 

That is until Ena started drifting away from her one day, she begun to visit less frequently and speak with Suzuna much less. Unknown to Suzuna, Ena was Planning a surprise party for Suzuna's birthday. The thought of losing Ena drove Suzuna mad, during one of Ena's visits leading up to Suzuna's birthday, Suzuna would kill Ena in a fit of frustration. This would quickly be found out by the community and Suzuna would be turned against. She would be dragged out of the shrine she spent her whole life in and burned alive by her favorite cherry blossom tree. 

From this day forward she curses god for the cruel punishment he placed on her for her actions. She hopes for a day where she will be able to enact revenge. 

[klonoadreams]

From what I remember mako has already met many important characters including 2 future strawhats and a powerful straw hat ally.

Assuming that not too much changes by the time the main story starts. How would these Chracters see mako as meeting her again. Like say meeting a grown up sanji and Law along with th baroque work robin? For me I would at least think sanji and law would be like big brothers to her.

Also any spoilers on who her dad is? Or who mako would be shipped with?

Not much is really different, just that Mako has been alive and in existence for like one more year, making her a year older than what she was originally, but it's also a bit of a mess since like, idk how to tell you, but Shanks is like barely 21 when he has Mako instead of 22, so oop, some things might end up changing, but also god dang, Yassop, you barely knew your own son and now you're just taking care of this rando Shark girl with the others ahahha.

No but seriously, this just means the Red Hair Pirates have Mako longer and that means further disaster because Yassop Daddy experience only goes for like a few months and Mako is half fishman, SO WHOOPS NEW TERRITORY.

So yeah, Robin and Sanji would be ecstatic to see her again, especially since the two of them went their separate ways to pursue their dreams, since Sanji won't get good experience as a cook with Shanks, and Robin, while absolutely delighted to know she is loved and considered important, knows that she has to leave the nest because she can't do what she wants with them and try as they may, they can't help coddling her a bit because Robin mcfucking did not have a good childhood, cmere, you get a hug.

Meanwhile Law would just be happy to see his friend again after so long, to the one person that taught him, alongside Robin, that even monsters deserve to live.

Seeing her thriving and also throwing a wrench in the world government's agenda by just casual exposing cover-ups in order to let the truth shine through....yeah, he’s happy to see her. Genuinely, no joke or nothing. Especially Robin and Sanji, though how the turn tables. He would've thought Mako would've been her own captain to a crew, but nah, she's content letting Luffy do it while being the resident lifeguard cuz she can swim. And also fish. :V

Her dad isn't actually anyone we know but an OC, like a rando mako shark fishman who effectively got picked out of the bunch to pair up with a Kuja Pirate who wasn't exactly considered a good wife for a Celestial Dragon (aka, dude was sterile, or at the very least got poor kid making skills), so curiosity plus pettiness and a bet equals Mako into the mix. Which is very bad.

That said, Mako's bio dad is related to some existing characters. And I will say this, Arlong won't exactly take to well to ever seeing her, because she serves as a constant reminder in a cog to a tragedy.

(Hint: it involves Koala going home - you can figure it out there, but yeah, Mako's uncle is pretty famous :V)

(He also had a hand in how Mako's mother was able to escape and while Mama was hoping to go back to Amazon Lily, she at least was in a safe place amongst Shanks crew when she gave birth to Mako)

Originally, i didn't have romance in mind, but honestly, I'm at a whatever happens, happens, because Mako's circumstances are so unique and complicated, that her situation allows her complexity, given how 17 seems to be the age at which people are considered adults or at least allowed to drink, and being a pirate just adds to it, mixed in with being someone who has a bounty.

Romance isn't off the table for her, so keep an eye out for it. Dont expect anytjing until after the time skip tho, she’s a little like Luffy in that it's the last thing on her mind lmao.

But also she's got a storm coming her way come Whole Cake Island because Big Mom wants Shanks's daughter for connections so...

Lucky son Katakuri got picked by my friends, so that's gonna be a "bruh wtf"

Aka, we got two weddings to crash. Except Mako isn't getting killed, but she still wants out of it, nope nope nope

Anyways wedding dress mako kicking ass. :V

[ask-mortarion-the-death-lord]

I've noticed in recent years a trend in GWs writing of 40k that honestly kinda frustrates me, and its this tendency to kill off characters with bad fandom reputations especially between works. and like, yeah its not a problem unique to 40k and sometimes ya need to cut an asshole who aint working

but on the other hand, its such a cop out from actually engaging or doing something with the character ya know. buggy from one piece is such an incredible character not just because hes managed to bullshit his way into a position of supreme authority in the setting when he was introduced as an early one off comedy villain. hes interesting cause oda takes that opportunity to give him a really fun and unique story, explore interesting character aspects and depth, throw him into wild situations and see how he reacts or how his skillset can still prove useful.

and perhaps even more importantly, buggy is far from a one off on this kind of character choices! helmempo a poncy rich boy abusing his dads relative position of power to be arrogant ass becomes best friends [with homoerotic subtones] with koby useless exposition fairy in a handful of early chapters with both of them eventually becoming high ranking highly capable marines with strong moral codes and who garp considers the future of the organization itself. hachi is a comedy octoman whos easily fooled and an idiot in general, and he shows up later as a helpful guide with a girlfriend repentant for his past actions as we learn more about the complicated world of racism which spirals into a sympathetic backstory that explains without justifying arlong and his actions. arlong, who is an objective asshole.

god damn jango, a Michael Jackson parody hypnotist who is a fakeout pathetic villain during his introduction, meets up with fullbody, an insignificant asshole jobber to show off how tough sanji is as well as his moral code, in a chapter page dance off competition where they form an inseparable bond of companionship over dancing that crosses the boundaries of their professions. Fullbody risks his entire carrier to save jangos life, and then they both see captain hina once and immediately fall in love with her and proceed to become the biggest simps ever for this one woman. and then they keep showing up outside the chapter pages. and they are wonderfull.

point is, overall, id say partly why one piece is as successful as it is, because that kind writing helps to breath a really interesting living world. they dont just disappear they live weird fantastic lives, and change in often unexpected ways as people. an asshole the one day can suddenly become an amazing bro the next time ya see em, and that breaths life into everything that goes on in one piece.

which is to all say, space marine 2 the game should have been about leandros and not titus. well he hasn't been confirmed as killed off, i have a strong feeling leandros is going to be given gw's current tendency to knock off fandom scrappies. and thats a shame, because space marine 2 should have been about leandros and his experiences following space marine 1. getting to know him, his perspective on things, and how whatever challenges he faced next shaped or changed those perspectives and beliefs.

instead, heres titus. doing what he did last time. yay.

[hajihiko]

Do you think Soda has PTSD from his dad?

(Wonder if u two are mind linked lol)

Short answer: I'm not sure about flashbacks or other PTSD symptoms since Im not an expert on it; *I* dont usually have it in mind per se, but objectively it's very possible and understandable.

(Warning: gonna talk about parental abuse. Obviously. But only in the context of the effects it might have, no real descriptions of violence)

Long answer: I think Soudas relationship with his dad is one of those messy, awful, complicated ones that you might not really understand until years later, when you've gotten some distance.

I think he says that he used to stay home during field trips and class events, because his dad was kinda poor and Souda didn't want him to have to field the expenses; but instead of just saying that, he just kinda. Didn't go. And got beat for it. So he might have not felt safe just saying "I'm gonna skip school because it's cheaper" (not to generalize but, Fathers and feeling like they're not considered Head of House / Full Provider, amiright). A little bit of "I gotta do things right and if I dont do them right then it's bad news but it's fine because I'll just do it better next time".

I think he wanted, generally, to have a good relationship with his dad and be helpful- trying to save money, helping out at their workshop/garage, just kinda hanging out, etc. Like he actually wanted to and thought he could have a great father/son thing going on if he just tried a little harder or did things a little differently, changed himself a little, never really thinking of talking it out or telling anyone- because it's not so bad and he can totally handle it! And it's not like he gets his ass beat every day it's only occasionally (when he fucks up) and in between, they actually have a good time together sometimes! His dad is like, almost his friend! And his dad does keep him fed and clothed and supports his passion (and his very good at reminding Souda that he should be thankful) so it's NO Big Deal. Just like his ex-best-friend throwing him under the bus was no big deal, just as long as no one starts ignoring him or leaving him out or kicking him out of the house its FINE.

That's why he talks about it so casually, because it's fine, and its only once he has enough distance from the situation and gets to hear different perspectives that he's like, oh, that was messed up actually.

Like, Hajime and Sonia both seem shocked, but they come from such a different background so its okay that they dont get it- but Fuyuhiko gets furious about it too, and while his parents sucked they never actually beat him- and Akane has been through A Damn Lot but even she seems really uncomfortable with the idea that okay yeah Soudas dad beat the shit out of him a few times (it's the Big Sister in her).

And just like, with time and good friends around, I can see Souda having moments where he just remembers something he used to think nothing of and goes "wait that was fucked up actually??" Like, they're just fishing or something, and he goes "hey... did your parents ever try to convince you something didn't happen when it probably definitely did?" And depending on who he asks the answer is different, but generally its "nnnno?" and he's like "oh ..... that's kinda messed up isnt it?" Yes, Souda, it is messed up.

And he might have reactions and ideas that he didn't think about too much when he was still in his home situation, like his general fearfulness and jumpiness, being convinced people might turn on him, being kind of a people-pleaser sometimes, flinching excessively around certain noises or movements, being quick to cower and cover his head, etc, quick to latch onto people who are any kind of nice to him. Stuff that's just kind of his personality by now, but he probably got it from somewhere.

I'm not an expert tho and I won't armchair diagnose or anything, this is just my personal interpretation.

(According to A Therapist that stuff is not classified as PTSD symptoms if it's not accompanied by flashbacks or painful memories / stuff you actively try not to remember, but what do I know)

[ramonag-if]

[Its just me ramblin about the new chapter you dont have to post this or even read this... this got longer than intended]

'Fuck'

Thats what I said out loud when I read the scene with dear mom cause damn even I was flabbergasted. Like I read the random crumbs from Patreon readers so I thought I could handle it but... I could not.

Honestly, if it was me, I dont think I could handle a conversation with her after the prison break, I would probs be balling my eyes out behind my friends, my buddies, my homies [I wanted to read the friendship scenes] cause that was one hell of a talk I would not willingly be in. Like she only thought about fixing the relationship when she saw you in Ishari. AND she brought her kid with her!!! How could you do that??!?! You didnt speak to your kid for 20 YEARS and you thought it was the best time to introduce each other.

It may sound weird but I also never thought Ahlf was a bad dad. He just seemed like a regular asian dad to me. Emotionally constipated, but at least still tries to push thru the constipation you know. Doesn't really succeed but he broke out a sweat. A+ for effort.

My god, Salyra... How was it possible to never even mention your kid in 20 years? I couldnt even shut up about my dog to some random strangers. And it wasn't even my dog, it was my neighbours! The best shih tzu you could ask for honestly. So glad 7 year old me took shitty photos of her that ended up being developed by accident and till this day is still stored in my family photo album.

I dont think I would be able to sit thru the meeting with Salyra there lmao, I probs would bring Crown in as my emotional support animal. Maybe he can give Salyra a good hard glare for making MC go thru this shit.

I wonder how our family in Vinia would take the information? Damn, author you really made me go thru so much in one chapter. You really did a great job writing. I'm sorry for this long ass post, I forgot it's 1 Feb and didn't prepare myself emotionally.

I shall read and answer this because I do love rambling myself 😋😆

I really do love complicated parents in fiction and I really wanted people to realise that not everything is quite clear cut, especially since for many, Ahlf was the somewhat worse of the parents considering his reluctance in becoming a father.

Salyra definitely made mistakes and in a way, she might be a little too hopeful for a huge happy reunion with the MC. She isn't quite aware of what the NC went through, so all she sees is just an older version of the 5 year old child she left behind 😅

You definitely will get to see the Vinia family react to Salyra by Part 3 😊 They'll all be feeling some sort of way, mostly the MC's uncle because Salyra's decision to remain in Ishari routine really hit him hard 👀

Thank you for the long post!

[literalite]

🌙, 😭, 🌱, 🙉, ⚾️, ✂️, 🎵, 💧, ☁️, 🌠 for nayef 🫵😁 this is a paid advertisement for him

🌙 MOON - what is your oc's greatest wish? how far are they willing to go for it?

he just wants sióar to himself. its as simple and as complicated as that he wants them to just . crave him as he craves them he wants their entire focus to be on him he wants no distraction no distinction no bond that can be severed and above all he wants it to be entirely something they want as well. like voicing all this in words is too. fragile it's vulnerable its asking and nayef is not someone who begs for things. at least not initially

😭 CRYING - what makes them cry? do they cry easily?

i think it's quite difficult to make him cry. he cried when aniq blamed him for his father's death and not when his dad actually died and he cried having to leave skære åben and he cried a bit leaving aniq behind. but truly i think it's incredibly hard to bring him to tears he's too detached to have his body react like that mostly

🌱 SEEDLING - what is their most vivid memory from childhood?

we havent fleshed this out entirely olli but i think for him it would be meeting sióar. like we know nayef has a photographic impeccable memory but he remembers the slant of the light the shade of the leave he remembers this moment above all

putting the rest below the cut because ahaa long

🙉 HEAR-NO-EVIL - what is the worse thing your oc could hear from someone?

that he's failed at something. he's a perfectionist he holds himself up to insanely high standards anything less than incredible is awful for him. people he cares about refusing his cooking is something he just cannot stand he'll try again and again until his hands bleed he needs that validation of ability and care or he'll crack

⚾ BASEBALL - can they play sports? what is their best position if they play a team sport? what's their strong suit (speed, power etc.)?

yknow he's actually quite physically adept for his height and body type like he looks kind of slim but hes genuinely pretty strong. i don't think he plays anything in particular he just hasn't had the time or opportunity for it but if he did play a sport i would think smth like. rockclimbing where its a lot of core and arm strength he'd excel at it. team sports hmmm not sure he's not that good of a team player in all honestly. hes quick with his hands and strong and pretty resilient i would say so its like an all round higher than average.... i dont think he'd ever be able to outrun someone though his strengths lie in outlasting and out thinking as opposed to pure speed

✂️ SCISSORS - what is the "last straw" for them to cut someone out of their life? how easily do they let go of people?

this very much depends on the person. nayef can and will put up with a lot without letting go- his like attachment style has emphasis on working through other people's walls and "earning" their love so to speak- hostility and disgust won't phase him if he truly cares about someone. hell it wouldn't even bother him. i think he's just very selective about the people he like... chooses to try to love and make them love him. on a personal level it sort of hinges on what his own inner limits have decided for a specific person if that makes sense?

🎵 MUSIC NOTE - what is their playlist like? their favourite artists? do you associate a particular song with them?

welllll the playlist that is more like a summary of his actual character is here and it's a pretty mixed bag of genres as per usual from me hgjkl i actually havent considered what songs he would personally enjoy listening to, but i do know he likes music. probably not anything too loud or fast- he really doesnt strike me as a rock or rap enjoyer? a song i rlly associate with him is cornflower blue by flower face

💧 DROPLET - random angst headcanon

i think he doesn't like the cold... it's so reminiscent of bad memories. the cold house he lives in with the body of his father, the coldness of his life with aniq, cold is being alone, being in stasis, idle hands. he likes the life of a kitchen and the fire of a stove and warm blood and being in motion and held and understood? it's not just about temperature ultimately but... yeah

☁️ CLOUD - a soft headcanon

mentally he files away information in his mind about the people he extends his care for forever. like he'll remember an offhand comment, he'll remember favourite textures and flavours and colours. he'll make assumptions based on prior information but like asking asking asking, he wants answers so he can create that fuller image. he likes understanding. privately there's a fear that he himself will not be examined in that same care, and remain misunderstood and maligned for his methods, but that's never really been able to stop him from caring like this. like he's sort of a paradox to me as an oc i think with how carefully closed he is but also when he loves he LOVES. it's that serious to him it's everything

🌠 SHOOTING STAR - if they could make any wish with no repercussions, what wish would they make?

to be bonded with sióar forever... like if he could just dissolve into their body and exist within them forever together inseparable he'd love that. he wants to be in them he wants them in him if they existed as one fused being he'd be satisfied. even if its monstrous he's already really just crossed that already he's so far removed from that like mental state of existence that it crossed back around to humanity. he loves them he wants to be with them that's all there is to it

[nyanbary]

Things I Think Are True about the Ratgrinders from the Bad Kids Backstories, bc lets face it, they're mirrors of each other:

jy spoilers, obviously. under the cut bc its decently long

Lucy Frostblade: Siblings, brothers. Feels like a middle child and not the eldest, but her having brothers is important to me. Whole family is religious. They all worship Ruvina. Solidly middle class. While the Frostblades used to be royalty/noble, they aren't anymore. And they don't act like it. Sapphic. Need I say more? Actually, I'm thinking Biromantic and the Ace-Spectrum, instead of being a full-blown lesbian, but still. She was always considered prodigious in her Clerical studies and her interpretation of their religion. Extremely empathatic. Finds herself wanting to help everyone.

Ivy Embra: Family is from Fallinel, like Fabian's mom is. But they're not as well off as the Seacasters are, nor as important as the Lomeneldas. They did get their money through dubious means and are new money Parents didn't really show their affection around the house and are almost never seen together. Though, they are both alive, as opposed to Fabian's parents. Ivy's mom has a lover that lives in the garage /j. Actually it's the pool house and he's no where near as pathetic as Gilear, but still The only children raised by their parents right now. There are jokes of Bill having countless of bastard children running around and I think Ivy's dad has a second family. Was semi-forced to go down the archery path of her mother. Ivy's mom was a pageant girlie and really good at archery (her like, special skill) and that's why Ivy chose that as a fighter. Has complicated feelings about her parents and doesn't see herself able to rely on them other than monetarily.

Oisin Hakinvar: Rich. Stupid rich. Old money rich. Has siblings, more than Adaine. Had to attend a bunch of events for his family, even though he was the "black sheep" for wizardry Originally born in the Red Waste and moved to Solace bc of parents

terrible relationship with his siblings. always pitted against each other and can never really live up to them, because he chose wizardry instead of sorcery. didn't have many friends until aguefort. mostly bc of being a standoffish dragonborn, even as a child, but still. kinda friendless until aguefort.

Ruben Hopclap: Divorced parents. lives w/ dad. he's practically never around tho. Mom remarried/is about to remarry & has another, much younger kid. has complicated feelings about this kid unlike Fig, but it happened when he was younger braces kids. both fig and ruben. fig has her younger imo. fairly popular in middle school. never in the same circles, but both were well liked, friendly people. fig just went through her alt phase two year earlier

Mary-Ann Skuttle: artificer parents grew up near little branch actually, closer to where a bunch of other kobolds lived. didn't have many friends, but honestly, didn't care unlike gorgug parents were confused about her wanting to be a barbarian, until they realized she was really good at it and were immensely supportive extremely sex-positive parents. the Skuttles have their own sex binder. when the thistlesprings met the skuttles, they compared notes

Kipperlily Copperkettle: Both need therapy /j. different reasons obviously, but both need it. both had halfling babysitters that went to aguefort. riz's was just the one that got kidnapped :/ instantly knew she wanted to be a rogue. there was nothing else for her to be. prefers Rogue stuff to romance. tho i dont see her on the aro/ace spectrum like Riz. she just doesn't need the distraction

Buddy Dawn: Helioic. Easy enough Has siblings. probably too many bc he's so mormon coded grew up in the church and always knew of his destiny, even if kristen's was more important travelled often on mission trips prefers not living with his parents, even if he feels more guilty for saying that. he lives w/ bobby in order to engross himself into clericdom and it gives him freedom. queer.

[cerissy]

it's my graduation day on friday

damn :)

i ordered gold-filled jewelry and low heeled shoes from amazon (sorry, not to be a traitor, but i am in a rush lol) for my graduation day on friday. i didn't even have the time to get a new dress. im going to wear my favourite floral one, which i've only worn once. i really would have preferred not to wear a floral one but alas, there was just no time. i hope the shoes that i ordered would fit because i wouldnt have any time to get a new one if it doesn't fit me comfortably.

im hoping to get some cardio in at least twice before friday so that my blood is circulating properly before this occasion 😂 that may sound weird, but when i dont exercise i actually become a little crazier and more anxious. big gatherings and celebrations can really overwhelm me so i usually need to take care of myself really well before a big day.

i got my hair/highlights refreshed this weekend, and im being gentle on my skin this week, and im trying to practice makeup and hair looks. but im probably going to keep things really simple. i like simple; it's familiar and comfortable and easy. im booking my favourite local italian restaurant for friday dinner with my partner and my family after the grad reception with my grad cohort members. it's too bad my dad is gone, but im sure he is around celebrating with us. not like in a ghost way, but in a peaceful, spiritual way lol.

i dont really know what this graduation day means to me. my grad program was special, but for me personally, it wasn't an academic journey in a way that most people think. it was very much a personal inner work, almost like a 2-year long therapy session, but then again in my master's, ive learned to consider that in itself as a form of academic learning. why not? in my grad program, ive learned to respect art and artists and myself as an artist and finding place for art in "academic" spaces. ive learned what it means to think in a non-dual way, to accept multiple truths, to see academics as something more than grades and evaluation. ive learned to honour different ways of thinking and being. ive learned to acknowledge the body as an infinite source of wisdom. oftentimes when we think of academics, we think of the brain, but not the torso, the stomach, the shoulders. why not? the body is a source of information, and dancing can be a form of academic research.

im excited to walk the stage not because of the credentials, but because im proud to have completed the program despite the death of my father in 2021 while i was deep in this grad program. it was a challenge and a blessing at the same time. i want to celebrate with my family, despite our tense relationships, because i want to show them that we are capable of achieving things without my dad and that we can move forward and celebrate special occasions without him. my siblings never did go to my undergraduate graduation in 2016, but it's kind of sweet that they are doing their best to make it on friday. very uncharacteristic of them, but that's my family. it's very complicated but there's love among us.

[clementines-writing-corner]

plot!!!

Hello friends!

This week’s post is less scattered and more focused as I actually set aside time to sit and work on my story instead of just snatching a few moments here and there!! ᕱ__ᕱ Now that I have fully committed to expanding on my failed summer writing and finally fleshing out the story behind it that has existed in my head for at least a year, I had so many directions I could go with this week's work. Since I am indecisive as heck, I asked my sister what I should do: character creation/development or worldbuilding? She chose worldbuilding which I was really excited for! When I sat down to write, however, plot spilled out. So, in this post I’m sharing a basic plot outline for either the background to the story or first part of the story. (I haven’t decided whether I want to actually write this out or have this be the set up scenario for where the story begins though I’m leaning towards the latter.) I hope you all enjoy! ᕱ__ᕱ 

Backstory/Plot:

Queen Blondie and Prince Pretty Boy are in love

The have the cutest backstory which involves their parents being allies/friends, them being childhood friends (puppy crushes), and then demanding a betrothal when they were like 12-13 so that they can make sure they end up together

Then they dont see each other for like 4 years cause prince pretty boy’s mum got assassinated and queen blondies mum got sick and dad passed away from a broken heart

queen blondie had just turned 16 so she was to be coronated as queen (16 yo = of age) but her “advisors” (the corrupt peeps who kinda underhandedly took charge when her dad was worried over her mum) were planning a coup and she found out and reverse uno carded them 

It's been a year and she's been cleaning up her kingdom when she gets an invite to prince pretty boy’s coronation 

They had been exchanging letters most of the years they were apart but had faltered when the whole coup thing went down

She is still super busy with adjusting to queen stuff but she misses him desperately (puppy love has grown) and she wants to support him so she sends one of her closest confidants and friends Main Character 3™: Hot Spy Lady

Prince Pretty Boy is getting coronated

Unrest in his kingdom and queen blondies had been growing for a hot minute

His mum was assassinated a few years earlier while viewing the kingdom and his dad got uber protective (queen blondie has heard all about it via letter)

King (his dad) just got assassinated and now his Uncle (chief advisor to his father after his mum died) is pushing a whirlwind coronation 

Prince Pretty Boy wants to wait to contact Queen Blondie because the betrothal still stands and him being crowned king and her queen much sooner than they expected to and before their marriage may complicate the merging of their kingdoms (which had always been the plan but)

Uncle pushes through and all he is able to send is a standard invitation to the coronation (which Uncle thought they could do without but pretty boy insisted on following the proper traditions)

Many important figures could not make it to Prince Pretty Boy’s big day because of the rush but Hot Spy Lady made it in time along with a few others

But SURPRISE Uncle has staged a coup!!

Working for/with the Big Bad™

Attempts to kill Prince Pretty Boy

Hot Spy Lady ends up saving his tush and they flee the castle before pretty boy can be coronated

Before he flees Prince Pretty Boy is able to send one of his closest friends and confidants Main Character 4™: Classic Knight out to spread the news of this betrayal to his allies and neutral parties to hopefully gain new allies and reclaim his kingdom

Queen Blondie (17), Prince Pretty Boy (18), Hot Spy Lady (19), Classic Knight (19) are the 4 main characters of this beginning plot

~*~*~

I’m so excited for this story! ᕱ__ᕱ If I get enough background, worldbuilding, and plot outlined by November I may seriously consider partaking in NaNoWriMo this year!!! (For those who don't know what NaNoWriMo is: https://nanowrimo.org/national-novel-writing-month.) Anyway, I don’t want to get ahead of myself. As I have been working out and stretching my creative writing muscles this past month, actively thinking about and doing creative writing work, I have started to find it easier and easier to get into the proper headspace and whip out a couple hundred words when I have the time to sit and do it. It’s like I’m rediscovering my love for writing and story-crafting again. ᕱ__ᕱ It’s truly the best feeling!! 

Remember to dot your j’s and cross your t’s, friends!

~Clementine J. Quincey 🪷

PS. I listen to music a lot, especially while I write, so for your listening pleasure, a couple songs that made me happy this week:

✨ Hot Tea by Dalia Dargazli

🐸Yes I'm a Mess by AJR

🎶The Moon Will Sing by The Crane Wives

✨All American Bitch by Olivia Rodrigo

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

advice please!! will go by 🧜‍♀️

my brother and I have a bit of a complicated relationship. in the past he hasn't treated me well and overall engages in a lot of unhealthy habits. while it's amazing that he's gone off drinking, drugs, and whatnot, he continues to take diet pills and talk about his body in a negative light. for me personally, it's triggering so I tend to just leave the room when he goes off on this tangent. other times I've had to tell him that the topic makes me uncomfortable and we've set that boundary. overall my brother is... well I'm not sure. I love him but as a person I'm not sure I like him.

but I'm having trouble saying no or not today with him especially as of late. I love staying up late in the living room and watching TV and he tends to get home from work around 11 meaning we tend to be up around the same times. in the past he'd just come home, shower, go to bed, and leave me alone which was how I preferred it. but recently he starts staying up to get advice or have emotional talks.

these talks usually start with "so, I have a situation." which means he wants to have a bit of a therapy session, it's more frequent now since he started seeing someone. I have no issue telling him my honest feelings and to tell the truth when he comes to me for advice, my goal is not to make him feel better, it's just to tell him how I see it and how he can possibly resolve the problem he's in.

I've suggested therapy for his anger, reading or podcasts to view, personal advice that worked for me. and everytime he just denies it and it's kind of like "okay well then why ask."

I want to start telling him that these "emotional talks" are draining and not something I want to be doing every night or every week. Sometimes I just want to quietly enjoy the rest of my night without having to sit through his current issue dump because everytime it starts off as "I think I made my girlfriend mad." and escalates to "remember when dad use to be an abusive alcoholic?" I've already healed from the damage my father did as a kid but he continuously brings it up and brings it up and I'm just not the right person for him to discuss that with.

I guess a part of me has grown detached to him considering how he has treated me in the past, I feel indifferent towards him which in a way is sad but I genuinely just feel nothing. I don't think this is a bad thing, it's his fault for putting me in this position with him, but still kind of sad. being around him is infuriating for me, like I dont think I can even hold a decent conversation with him because of how off we are to one another. to him he's said that we use to be close and that I'm his best friend...but there is no proof behind his words?

I think he's just romanticizing the past because we've never really been very close. The last time we were I was 12 and he was 11. we don't hang out, we don't go out for lunch or text one another, we don't do anything so it's odd that he would view our relationship this way.

I realize this turned into a bit of a rant but yes, at the heart, how can I turn him down or say "i dont want to talk right now." in the past when i set a boundary because some of the topics of conversation we had were making me uncomfortable, he later said that I'm never there for him and that if he were struggling I wouldn't help him. which I find unfair because I have tried and each time I was met with anger, abuse, and manipulation.

sorry for the long ask!!

Hi 🧜‍♀️,

I'm sorry about what's been going on. That must be taking a huge emotional toll on you. Also please don't apologize for the length of the ask, people have definitely sent in longer asks before and even they have nothing to apologize for.

While your brother's been through a lot, it's important as someone in a position like this to assert your boundaries. It's reasonable to not want to do this every day or week and this can lead to emotional burnout.

It's manipulative for your brother to say that you're never there for him or that if he were struggling you wouldn't help him because you've already done more than you needed to. If setting healthy boundaries means that in his narrative you're never there for him, then so be it, you know? What matters most is that your mental health is respected. You know you've been there for him, he doesn't need to confirm that for it to be true.

I found this helpful article on what traumadumping means and how to respond to it. It recommends to put a time limit on the conversation, try to shift the conversation in a different direction, don't pick up their problems, be direct and express how you feel, be honest about what you can't do for them, and distance yourself if necessary or possible. I think you'll find some other things in that article that you might resonate with.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun