#i don't want to talk about non-dysphoric trans people like i know what it's like because that isn't my story...

[genderqueerdykes]

is it bad that i hate when people take my posts about trans issues and make trans women the center of them. my posts always say “trans people” when i talk generally about the violence and transphobia because i mean that. all trans people, not only one kind. but every time the comments turn it into a discussion revolving around trans women.

i’m not against talking about specific demographics! but it’s very frustrating when people take trans men and non-binary people out of the picture when i intentionally included them by NOT specifying a specific gender of trans people.

it’s honestly very disappointing and disheartening that trans men aren’t included in any type of discussion when it comes to trans issues. at least not that i see, i don’t know.

additionally, when (mainly perisex cis)people claim their supposed allyship to trans people, they only talk about how they include trans women in their feminism and women’s spaces. no mention of trans men. and when we ARE talked about, it’s “i hate trans men because they’re just like cis men :)” or “no i don’t want trans men in WOMENS spaces because they’re men”.

i don’t know… maybe i’m too sensitive, but it’s something i don’t like. we should definitely bring awareness to trans women’s issues but not completely forget about the existence of trans men.

i think it's okay to feel that way. i don't care for when people do that to me, either. this discussion is long overdue and so few people want to have it, but this is an issue. yes, trans women are allowed to talk about our issues, we are. i'm not saying we should never speak. what i'm saying is we can't take posts that are made for everyone and make them about us and us alone.

we need to stop making conversations about transmasculine people about us. not all nonbinary people are transfeminine, other intersex, multigender, nonbinary, genderqueer, gendervast, gnc, etc people need a chance to speak. like i'm serious, it's okay to talk about one's own experience. but if it is explicitly to point out why people should not listen to other people when they are talking about their own issues, and that they should listen to you instead, you are controlling the narratives, and shifting the goalposts.

it's one thing to say "here's what i experience" but if someone takes your post and goes. hey actually. trans women have it the worst. they're the one leaving other people out of the picture in that situation. whenever you try to point this out on this website, people foam at the mouth to try to kill you and it's ridiculous. when, well, with so many people bringing it up:

it's an issue.

there's been a specific group of people who identify as transradfems and people who identify with their politics even if they don't know the name for it. they are pushing people to be quiet and not speak about their own experiences because somehow that silences trans women, as if we can only be about one type of queer person at once. it's gotten old. like can we seriously just have this conversation already and be done with?

i feel like i have to say the thing that most people are afraid of, because this conversation is way overdue.

can disenfranchised dysphoric trans women stop attacking men & mascs because you don't like being seen as one? can disenfranchised trans women who have been hurt by men stop attacking men who haven't hurt you?

enough. men & mascs are not your personal punching bag. manhood isn't what hurt you. being forced to be a man or masc is what hurt you. the general concept of manhood and men did not hurt you. let go. i understand it's painful to get misgendered and treated as a man for life. it sucks. you don't deserve that. no trans woman does. nobody deserves to be misgendered. you don't deserve to be dehumanized because people refuse to see you for who you are. it's okay to acknowledge that you're in pain. but you gotta let the fuck go of your irrational hatred, because it will never help you accept or love yourself

you will never experience true trans joy if you spend all of your time hating on other people. hate solves nothing. if that's the only thing you see, that's the only thing you feel. if hate has nowhere else to go, it rapidly turns inward. you will not be seen as a woman by more people if you attack men. you will not be accepted by cis radfems if you attack men and parrot their politics. this isn't helping you, or anyone else.

we need to break down these walls and talk to each other. trans women and trans men can have conversations about our experiences at the exact same time. conversations involve multiple points of input. if we're only allowing one type of person to speak and one type of person to speak only: that is a lecture. that is not a discussion. if you never listen or give other people a chance to speak, you are lecturing them.

[wandering-mage]

Something important that I think allies really need to start doing to be good allies to the trans community is stop assuming anyone's gender.

Now that sounds easy, and I think most allies wouldn't blink at that statement, but I think in practice a lot of allies balk at what this actually means.

It's easy enough to say trans women are welcome in the women's restroom and that you are comfortable with that. But are you going to be comfortable with a trans woman with copious body hair and a full beard, and not dressing "traditionally feminine"? If so, why not? How is this different from a cis woman with these traits? (And if you are uncomfortable with that, why?) This person is a woman, regardless of their appearance. Either of these women should be treated with respect, and regardless of whether they are embracing the appearance or dysphoric about it.

Cis women (relatively speaking) are allowed to present more masculine and still be women. Whereas when trans women that want to do the same get accused of being fake, not trans, not trying hard enough etc. Non-binary people that don't meet some nebulous standard of androgyny get accused of wanting to be special, subsets of other genders, or not trying hard enough, if they don't have the idea of anyone being non-binary dismissed entirely. Trans men are often treated as invisible, and anything "feminine" is used to undernine their gender.

Not assuming people's genders means not looking at a person you know nothing about and deciding they are X gender, and picking what pronouns and other words to use for them. I may like when some stranger uses she/her for me or calls me ma'am, but the using either of those is a larger issue that needs to change. If you don't know someone's pronouns, use they/them. That means no assumptions. It doesn't matter how sure you think that random person you see is a cis man that uses he/him pronouns, unless you have had that communicated to you, you don't know (and a reminder, pronouns =/= gender, any gender could use any set(s) of pronouns).

I'm not sure how much I can stress how critically important all this can be for the safety of trans and gender non-conforming people. And I'm aware this isn't easy. It's a very ingrained social behavior, and trans people will struggle through this too. I have to keep reminding myself to not assume pronouns for people. It's going to be a messy process.

I know I'm far from the first to talk about this, but it needs to be talked about more and it was bouncing around my brain. I doubt everything I said here is perfect and possibly have left out some things.

(For context, I'm a binary trans woman.)

(Note: I'm aware there are situations where people have to make some assumptions for their own safety, such as women needing to be wary of people that look like how men are traditionally identified. I'm not talking about those situations, safety is important, and unfortunately all you can really go by is appearance in deciding how to respond there.)

[unpopulartransfag]

.... So when should I come out and actually tell people that the reason why I don't like Saint Dionysus is because, about 3 years ago, he was extremely transphobic towards me and threatened to murder me if I didn't detransition on a side blog that he shared with one of his friends (@/trans-mom I think was the URL for his friend), backtracked whenever I start having a panic attack and freaked out, claimed it was just a kink before messaging me from his regular blog, and whenever I confronted him he apologized and said that it was all her fault, claimed over DMS that she had made him do it but that the whole thing actually made him extremely dysphoric, but that it was Amy's kink not his, but then later he publicly lied about ever being associated with that account and lied to people that she had nothing to do with it despite the fact that he directly admitted it over DMs to me.

I know it's been a really long time but I cannot feel safe around either of them online after that incident. It wasn't just the fact that they forced non-consensual misgendering and detransition kinks onto someone who he knew was extremely triggered by it, meaning that he and Amy sexually harassed me and shot transphobic harassment at me, but the fact that he apologized to me over DM's and then lied to literally everyone else.

I cannot fucking stand hypocrites or liars. And I fucking cannot stand transphobic trans people and people who don't acknowledge or respect other people's boundaries or consent whenever it comes to triggering Kinks. I lost all of my respect for him whenever that happened and I don't trust him as a human being. I also don't trust Amy as a human being.

I know that they're both really fucking popular on here and whenever I've talked about this before I've gotten my account basically chased off the platform by people who are obsessed with him and think that he can do no wrong. But the truth of the matter is that he's manipulative and he lies. He's transphobic to other trans people and then will deny it in public after apologizing to them personally.

I 100% support his contribution to discussion about transandrophobia, dude can make some good points sometimes, but as a human being he absolutely disgusts me. I didn't deserve to be harassed by him or his friend especially because at the time I was pregnant and the stress from the panic attack that it caused caused me to have to go to the hospital because I almost went into labor early, but I also don't deserve to have someone be a liar and a hypocrite to my face.

I know that I'm older than him but I have such a smaller platform that it doesn't really matter what I say about him. I've been on this platform longer than him but I haven't kept the same account consistently because of his followers harassing me whenever I talked about this originally right whenever it happened, and also because of being harassed by transphobes until my accounts have been removed from false flagging.

So people can fucking believe me however much or little they want about this but that is the honest reason why I don't respect him and don't follow him and don't want to see his name on my fucking page.

Saint Dionysus is a fucking hypocrite. He's manipulative as shit. He's a fucking liar. And he's transphobic towards other trans men when it suits him, which is fucking bullshit.

I'm not saying that I believe that people should unfollow him or block him or that he should be deplatformed but people do need to know that he has done the ship before and I'm not the only person who has talked about it before but usually whenever people do he has his friends and fans chase them off the platform or mass report them.

So yeah y'all can have that little bit of interpersonal drama if you want. Just know that whenever I see his name pop up I feel physically sick and disgusted that he is still even on this platform.

Tldr: I do not trust Saint Dionysus or Amy/trans-mom because they traumatized me, apologized for it privately, and then lied about it publicly to avoid any backlash, and when I spoke out about it, he had my account Mass reported until it was taken down.

[uh-velkommen]

At some point in the past couple of months I have concluded/accepted that I am transgender. It's been a constant back and forth from being agender to gender queer to non binary to agender again, surprisingly NEVER gender fluid but at the end of the day, I am transmasc. And I still say that instead of saying I'm a boy or a man because even if I ever transition I think I'd play around a bit with femininity still and that could just be due to the fact that I was socialized as a girl and I've been treated and perceived as such all my life and to let it all go, at least for the time being, feels like I'd be letting go of or giving up who I am. I don't know who I'll be or how I'll act and feel years in the future when I've physically and socially transitioned. As of right now, I don't know if I ever actually will transition. I reckon my life would end before I ever even get the chance to utilize America's beautiful(🙄) healthcare system.

I resigned myself to being one of those people who just never comes out. Where history will be like "she had masculine tendencies and preferred outdoor activities" only for those who know to be like, "yeah she was probably trans." I planned to and accepted that I'd live the rest of my life in misery because the misery I feel doesn't outweigh the fear I have about how the world will treat me if I start transitioning. All my life I've been picked on for being different. I can't bear it, thinking that coming out would be GIVING people a reason to hate me. But lately I've felt soooo unmanageably wrong and dysphoric. I can't handle it anymore. I didn't know things could get worse. I didn't think it could get this bad. If I don't start taking the steps to feel like myself, I don't think I'll last very long. But I'm also nervous that if I ever do start to feel comfortable in myself, I'll want to live for too long. And I can't do that in this world. I can't envision it.

So this is my official coming out post. You guys are getting it first because I dont have anyone in my life I trust enough to tell and its eating me up inside not talking about it. I still don't know what to do about pronouns. I've always hated telling people "she/her is fine" in the most devastated voice. I hate hate hate so much that society has gotten comfortable with asking people their pronouns because it was the catalyst for me no longer being able to ignore my feelings. But I think I should at least try telling people to use they/them pronouns. Maybe then I won't be so afraid of transitioning.

[transmascpetewentz]

Moving The Goalposts: Infighting, Exorsexism, and Transandrophobia

I want to start this off not by getting directly into the meat of my theory, but instead by showing all of you a post that I came across today that illustrates exactly what I am talking about when I say that transandrophobes, and specifically TEHMs in this case, move the goalposts in a way that causes infighting within the trans(masc) community. This is a post by a pretty well-known TEHM whose blog I've been watching for a while.

What Jackson is doing here seems pretty obvious on the surface. He's making fun of nonbinary people who were AFAB because he perceives them as fakers and/or trenders. However, when you take a look at some of the other things that he believes, you realize that it just isn't that simple.

This is a post by one of Jackson's mutuals on here. If you don't know what some of these phrases mean, "trans heterosexual" refers to gay trans people (in this case, it's likely focusing on transmascs, but this rhetoric harms transfem lesbians too), and "trans homosexual" refers to straight trans people. What lavenderlad is trying to do is infantilize non-straight trans people, acting like we are complaining about nothing (maybe hysterical, even) for pointing out the oppression that we face from cishets and cis queers alike.

But it goes even deeper.

This right here is a very interesting post, specifically because lavenderlad seems to have changed his tune completely. As opposed to infantilizing us like in the previous post, he has now switched to transandrophobic conspiracy theories about how we are apparently some sort of dominant societal force despite being less than 2% of the population. My antisemitism radar is going off right now, too, because this sounds suspiciously like your average antisemite talking about Jews. He went very quickly from treating us like we're little girls who can't do anything to treating us like evil, scary men who are trying to invade his space.

He moved the goalposts because it was convenient for him at this moment to contribute to the oppression of gay trans men.

To elaborate, there's a specific type of transandrophobia seen in these circles that Jackson and lavenderlad are using. They are applying both maleness and femaleness to us. They infantilize us like we are women, and use our perceived femininity to justify gatekeeping us out of their spaces, while also using very common anti-gay male and generally anti-marginalized male stereotypes such as us being inherently aggressive, invaders, our bodies disgusting, etc. It's exorsexism, plain and simple.

And I feel like these posts show us how transandrophobes and transphobes in general can cause infighting within the trans community. A feminine nonbinary person might look at Jackson's first post and go "see! trans men have so much better than me!" but in fact, trans men, both binary and nonbinary, aren't actually treated any better. The grass is not greener. Trans men who try to conceal our birth sex and/or transness are considered liars, trying to invade spaces we don't belong, and more; but trans men and transmascs who do not try to pass, who don't try to conceal our transness, are accused of being "not really dysphoric."

Do not be fooled into thinking that transandrophobes would like you better if your gender expression was different. They don't want trans men to be displaying our transness, they don't want us to go stealth, and they don't want anything in between. They want us to be cis. Do not argue with your trans brothers about who society hates more; because society will see you as whatever will prove a transandrophobe's point. Address the root problems of patriarchy and transandrophobia instead of letting infighting eat us alive.

[velvetvexations]

I'm gonna go ahead and post the rest of the binary/non-binary privilege stuff in my inbox without commentary because I honestly am running out of things to add to them in response lmao.

If you don't see yours here: I did answer it, but I didn't like my response and deleted it just now before realizing "oh, wait, if they didn't see it in the two hours it was up they're going to think I missed or ignored it." I totally did read it and reply though! I was just angrier at the kinna people you were talking about than I wanted to be.

The rest:

for me when i think about the binary/nonbinary thing, basically my thoughts are: if being binary isn't a privilege, then can the gender binary be called oppressive? like personally i think the gender binary itself is an oppressive force in society, like male/female being a form of societal categorization is oppression. so it makes sense to me that fitting into that categorization is a privilege, and not fitting into it is disprivilege. i think it's a good argument to have whether or not the gender binary is actually oppressive, you'll get a lot of different takes, but me personally i think it is because it hurts me a lot and that hurt makes the most sense for me to call oppression. those are just my 2 cents, not trying to argue that it's worse for anyone based on if you're binary or nonbinary, just kinda that to me the gender binary itself oppresses me so i feel disprivileged for not fitting it, if that makes sense! also i think binary trans people specifically often face disprivilege for not fitting into the gender binary because during transition they often dont, and if youre not able to transition at all that means you really dont fit into it. basically theyre hurt by the same stuff in the binary as us a lot of the time. i think it gets complicated though because theres a statistical pattern where binary trans peoples goals *BROADLY* (NOT TALKING ABOUT INDIVIDUAL CASES, just talking about statistics) are to look like a "normal" person of their gender, so if that cant be your goal because it would make you dysphoric or suicidal or anything like that, you think about it differently and youre less likely to think the gender binary is good. but if it is your goal and youre able to make steps toward it, like if youre looking more and more like a "normal" person of your gender over time and fitting into normal society more, or even if you dont fit in perfectly but youre using enough "signals" to show you want to fit in and are trying and the people around respect you trying, then you might think the gender binary is good because it helps you be gendered correctly and helps you be your true self. i think that's why a lot of us feel like binary trans people sometimes use privilege over us, whether thats true or not (i havent decided my opinion on that and i dont know if i ever will because its really loaded and a lot of people will be mad at me no matter what opinion i have so it doesnt seem worth it to have one): because its more likely that you like the binary and want to keep it around if it helps you, and that opinion feels like an attack if you're hurt by the binary. plus, statistically theres a lot more of the "normal" trans people out and about visibly in the world than "abnormal" ones, so it makes it *feel* like we're a minority within a minority even when that's not true.

Ngl this binary privilege discussion is driving me knuts. Binary trans people don't face exorsexism: is that privilege? Y'all pretty much agree that not facing transmisogyny doesn't give trans men privilege so if we were any type of consistent around here we'd say No. Personally I think not facing form of bigotry gives you A privilege. It's 1 less hurdle you have to jump over, not an additive system that negates any of the other bigotries you face as a binary trans person or gives you blanket Privilege over all nonbinary people! But that's how people use it in this discourse so maybe we need to put the word Privilege on the high shelf and just support other people when they face a bigotry we don't.

Wanna add something to the thing RE: binary privilege as a (close to binary) trans man who used to be non-binary. I won’t disagree that there’s situations where binary and close-to-binary trans people are treated better than non-binary and unaligned trans people, namely in medical settings and often also legal settings (depending on the country and laws, tho). But what I absolutely disagree with are inter-personal situations. I’m aware there’re non-binary people who have the experience that they are not accepted where binary trans people are accepted. But the opposite also happens. When I identified as non-binary, my family accepted and respected me, used my pronouns and gender-neutral terms, etc. and I was accepted in a trans group that was made up of only trans women and non-binary people. When I came out as a trans man, my family returned to using feminine terms for me started treating me like a stupid girl, and I was kicked out of the group I was in. I know multiple trans men who had the same thing happen to them (a lot of the ones I’m in a small group with now). And the way some people are using exorsexist binary trans people as proof that they have binary privilege is so weird, too. I know so many transmisogynist or transandrophobic non-binary people (esp. transandrophobic with the spaces I used to be in), but that doesn’t mean they have privilege over me? People can be bigoted assholes no matter who they are or what they identify as. Like. There are exorsexist non-binary people, too. So like. I’m open to discussion of binary "privilege" (tho privilege is a bit of a clunky word for that, it’s more like binary centrism/favouritism, but idrc) in relation to legal and medical stuff, but interpersonal stuff? Thats exorsexism—which should absolutely be discussed, too, just without acting like any group of trans people has privilege over another. It’s just like what I experience from my local trans community and family is transandrophobia / anti-transmasculinity, not the non-binary trans people having "non-binary privilege" and using that to kick me out of their spaces or whatever. I hope I’m making sense? I do think that discussion is important, but as someone who knows both sides, it’s lacking a lot of nuance currently. I’m definitely treated worse now as a trans man than I was a non-binary person (still experience the same transphobia from transphobic cis people, but now the queer+trans community is also slinging transphobia against me at any chance they have; while transphobes still want me to "go back" to being a girl without caring what words I use for myself now at all, there’s now also plenty of people who want me to "go back" to being non-binary, or really anything but a man.), and there’s plenty of non-binary people who have the exact opposite experience (used to id as binary trans, is now treated worse for being non-binary), and it’s important to keep in mind that a lot of the treatment is dependent entirely on the people around you, and that no experience is more important to discuss than another. This got long. English isn’t my first language, but I hope everything’s understandable.

(you worded it well!)

really enjoying the discussion about nuances of privilege vs advantage going on! I'd like to add that it's imo mainly caused by... medically and bureaucratically stratifying systems, for a lack of a better term? eg. in my country I can't go on HRT unless I want to "become" a transhet - that is, transition into a Fully Binary Man Wanting To Fuck Women. that's not something I want, as a nonbinary bisexual; I would be annoyed at being read as a Man the same way being read as a Woman is annoying, I only want some masculinizing changes, and the head of the board that decides if you can go on HRT does not believe in bisexuality (which is. ?????. HE'S A SEXOLOGIST.) But like. I don't think that others being willing to Be Seen As A Fully Binary Man Who Wants To Fuck Women (even if that's not the extent of how they want to live) is necessarily a privilege? It's just a slight advantage in a system that fucking sucks, you know? And you can at least lie about your sexuality (I have friends who are not straight and did lie), which, again, lying about that is not a privilege, but I'm too much of a contrarian bitch to even try and respect the opinion of someone who doesn't think bisexuality exists to even lie to them. I think a similar thing to this is compliance with psychiatric systems - I do well on medication and haven't had issues with any of my psychs (both therapists and prescribers), so I am in a circumstance where I'm going along with the system fine, making me have the advantage of less likelihood of being labeled a problem patient/disruptive/combative/etc. and being forcefully detained or such. People whose experiences with psych have been shit/are antipsych for whatever other reason/etc. do not have that advantage. That doesn't necessarily mean I'm privileged over them, but I do have a bureaucratic and medical advantage in a system that wants to binarize into Conforming To Expectations × Not Conforming To Expectations, even though both of us are having mental health issues.

[desistancejourney]

This was before it all really *clicked* for me but one of my first "oh there might be something a little bit wrong with this" moments was when I was following a butch lesbian tiktoker and when I looked at her or thought about her I would use they/them pronouns in my head, even though she was very clear about being a cis woman and used she/her pronouns. I saw the way she presented herself and defaulted to they/them without consciously trying to. And while yeah, she was very masculine, she didn't look like a guy. Like, only being surrounded with images of trans and especially non-binary people constantly for many years would make someone see this person and think that they weren't a woman. It's like I had been brainwashed into "not assuming people's gender" and I started unconsciously ignoring people's physical characteristics whenever their gender presentation *seemed* to contradict them so I wouldn't be "transphobic". And like, if you had asked me if being gnc and being trans/non-binary were the same thing I would have obviously said no, and if you asked if I thought they could co-exist, I would have definitely said yes. (I want to say that this is not an attack or a put down on genuinely dysphoric trans people who have trouble passing, I get how difficult that must be and I think that's a different situation.) At the end of the day, though, my brain couldn't actually accept genuine gender non-confirmity. And if I couldn't do that, then I had to start facing the possibility that a lot of this ideology is based on stereotypes. And I don't think this is happening to like, normal people who are supportive of their trans or non-binary friends or something and are just being nice people, ya know? I'm talking about people like me who were deep within trans spaces online and off line and started to see the world in a completely different way that didn't reflect what I was seeing with my own eyes.

[adhbabey]

Happy Trans Day of Visibility!!!

[plaintext: Happy trans day of visibility!!!]

I suppose I'll talk about my gender here, being a part of the white stripe on the trans flag. And why I don't really like calling myself trans, but I feel like this is an important story to share.

I'm nonbinary, but I didn't first feel that way, and as a kid, I thought I was cis. I questioned my gender like others, and said I didn't mind being a boy, I even made several male versions of myself just for fun. I felt like they wouldn't mind being a girl either. And that just continued until I reached my twenties, and had left for college.

I never felt dysphoric in the same way other people do. And I never felt like I can align myself with "human" gender. That those binaries just don't apply to me, because I don't really seem to fit into how humans socially define their gender. I confessed to my trans sibling that "my gender is vampire", or "my gender is a cat". Maybe I should have realized other things sooner.

So when I found out that I had a system in early 2019, due to issues I had in college, and deeply relating to a DID youtuber discussing systemhood, it kind of made sense to me that I didn't align with gender in the way that normal people do. That I didn't mind being a guy sometimes, even though the "me" that I am, enjoys presenting femininely. I wasn't one person anymore. I was always a system. And I had people of many different genders and identities within me.

I decided the best gender for everyone to collectively identify with, was nonbinary. I am nonbinary.

The philosophies that I don't fit into normal human binary was there, and the idea that I was okay with being more than one gender was proven to be true. And I wasn't just nonbinary, I was systemfluid* and multigender**.

*systemfluid means that my gender and identity changes depending on whose fronting. **multigender means that I'm multiple genders at once, depending on whatever I'm currently identifying as, but also if multiple parts of me are here at once.

And there's some things that feel like gender but aren't gender, just diverse identity from what is the norm. So that feels like gender, but isn't. Some people refer to it as otherkin, I refer to it as "supernatural", but I fall under the identity of non-human as well. I'm nonhuman because of my system and also my spiritual beliefs. Of course I'm not a cis human woman, I'm not even a human. I don't feel that way at all.

But it also should have made sense to me long ago that I'm autistic between all of this. I mean, heck, despite everything, I don't feel normal because I don't have a normal brain to begin with. I feel like other autistic trans and nonbinary people can relate. It's just funny how things like that work out.

However, I've never felt fully comfortable with the trans label. I know I'm supposed to accept it just like other nonbinary trans people do, but I feel ashamed that I don't have the same exact experiences as many trans people. I don't want to transition, I like that I have long hair and a high pitched voice. Even if I want to change my body, some ways are just impossible. I can't make my eyes glow gold, or have my fangs come out, I can't have floating bat wings, I can't have forever pointed ears. I've just accepted my body will never look like the way it's supposed to be. I don't even experience dysphoria the same way other trans people do. I have plenty of body dysmorphia and otherwise, but unless a male alter is fronting, my body is just acceptable to have. Even if I were to have dysphoria for my gender, it would be partial anyway.

I just don't feel like I align with most definitions of gender identity and it's crazy that I exist at all. But my story deserves to be here too. So happy trans day of visibility, and an extra happy trans day to trans and nonbinary people like me. <333

[undomesticated-animal]

And since I know it's the thing everyone who isn't trans or intersex wants to know about me first, I want to talk a bit about my relationship to my OWN body and genitals, not just the bodies of my partners.

Stage setting:

Domi, do you have tits? Yes, you can see them in my icon. They're really soft and pretty and I have wanted them removed from the literal second I grew them

Domi do you have a vagina? Yes, and once I clenched down on that dick so hard the condom came off inside me

Domi does vaginal make you more dysphoric than anal? Sometimes! Usually if that's happening it means that there's been a big accumulation of dysphoria over time

Sooooo, you can cum from both types of penetration? Babes I can cum from ANY kind of penetration, the first time I sucked Bear off I made SUCH a mess on his floor and he hadn't even touched me below the neckline, he thought it was really funny

Domi what about your internal bits? Unclear. I lack descended testicles, but my internal sexual organs that do exist appear intact but non-functional. I am, as far as I am aware, sterile

Domi do you have a dick? I have a micropenis and it's delightful and the feeling of Stud sucking me off is straight up the hottest thing ever, she can make her mouth feel so full of me 😍😍

Domi what does dysphoria feel like to you? When I was growing up in California, the winter fog was so thick on my school playground that you couldn't see the other children around you even to play unless they were close enough to touch you. Often, this led to me being startled or terrified when other children would manifest out of the fog near me. I would hide close to walls and sturdy architecture where I couldn't be taken by surprise. I dissociated whenever this strategy failed me and I became suddenly aware of my terror in a way that made safety unavailable. And little by little I simply refused to go out on the playground at all. Dysphoria for me is like that, except the fog I'm constantly fleeing is my own body and the end of winter is corrective therapies like DHT cream and injections.

Domi how does gender work with your partners? Well, Stud calls me her Good Boy and it makes me cum so fucking hard, but sometimes Bear likes to fuck my cunt, and when he tells me to present I love how hungry he looks when I don't even hesitate, so clearly we have fun with gender here

Why do you use so much sexually aggressive language Domi? I mean. Partly because I find sexually aggressive language attractive. Not everyone will, that's fine. But also it has never felt good to me to use delicate or mincing language about my body. It's a personal preference not a moral one lol, but in my own experience I get SUPER dysphoric around certain language, but not necessarily the ones people expect. Pussy and cock are probably the ones I can tolerate the least of my accepted terminology (referring to my own, not to a partner's), and my preference is cunt and dick. I have the feeling this has to do with the contexts in which I have experienced these words more than anything lol

Are your partners good about all this stuff Domi? I don't give them a chance not to be. Everyone gets one chance to fuck up before we have the "this is going to be something I need you to get proactive about learning how to deal with and as long as I see reasonable effort we good but if I don't fuck off"

Domi what do you WANT to look like naked? Flat chest and no nipples, 2-3inch dick, keep my fuckables (i wouldn't give up a single penetrative orgasm for love nor money and they all feel unique so like fuck am I losing an entire category lmao), hairy enough to do my MENA ancestors proud, and built like a bulldog (the kind that are all square with their wrinkly lil fat/skin layer all over), ideally keeping my head shaved and turning my skin over to artist friends to ink up and pierce. I want to be so fucking jarring to see in streetwear versus naked, lmao

You're really consistent about not wanting your breasts Domi, why are you showing them off? Listen. I can want the bastards removed with every fiber of my being and acknowledge that every moment the remain on my chest is a failure of our autonomy and medical care in our society, and still acknowledge that I have REALLY PRETTY TITS. They're objectively gorgeous! They're soooooo sensitive and every single person I've ever fucked is like ENTHRALLED by the way I squeak and jump when they play with my breasts! If they were on literally anyone other than me, I would personally bury my face in them for literal hours! But they ARE on me, so unfortunately for the world, they are officially a limited time item. You gotta maximize on that shit you know? Titty fuck people, get the nipples pierced before they come off, take lots of topless photos for partners to masturbate to once they're gone, post em online, do whatever, you know? Basically, I compartmentalize a bit I guess. Don't worry tho, once I get the breast tissue management done, yall will be drowning in post-op pics

[squimblr]

tw SA ment, oppression, transphobia etc

okay but sometimes we are treated badly because we're trans men or trans masc though. yes sometimes things are "run of the mill misogyny" or "run of the mill transphobia", where someone just hates women or trans people. but what about trans men who lose access to gynaecologists because of the M on their birth certificate? what about the unique inaccessibility of testosterone because it's a controlled substance? what about the terms "theyfab" or "tranny voice", that were made up specifically to mock transmasc and afab non-binary people? what about the "feminists" who developed the idea of "rapid-onset gender dysphoria", which is both ableist and transandrophobic, because it specifically targets trans men and especially autistic trans men. what about the people who say "trans men really are the men of the trans community" or "I hate all men, that includes trans men"? the myth perpetuated about testosterone supposedly causing "roid rage"? all things that uniquely oppress trans men and trans mascs. should we be referring to the corrective rape of trans men as lesbophobia because lesbians and queer women also experience it? the words exorsexism and transmisogyny exist for a reason, let other trans men describe their own experiences, you can't stop them from using a word.

Anon, i’m holding your hand when I saw this, the anger is not at our identity of men or masc, it is at us being afab and the perception of us as “confused women”. It is anger at our adjacency to femininity and our rejection from those roles that they wish to push on us. Women are the bottom rung of the ladder and femininity has always been used as an insult. That is 100% rooted in misogyny. Rejection from heath services are double ended blade of transphobia and misogyny, its used as a litmus test of identity because ‘well if we need these services we are still women, but if you want to insist you are man then you don't need it”. Cis women and transwomen get tested on this as well because misogyny is the common thread. I find it hard to believe if youve never been in a place “well if you really say you are then you must never been” and had to explain that yea things overlap and things are intersectional. I really dont know how to explain to you the “the theyfab voice/tranny voice” is also misogyny because that one is so obvious, you are deviating from the ideal performance of femininity. Rapid- onset dysphoric targets transmascs because it is an inherently misogynistic idea, that we are confused women, and it TERFs and such espouse that loudly, its a target on your denial of a set role and the inherent negative societal view of women. The man/masc part of our identities are nothing to these people if not entirely ignored unless its a used as a ‘gotcha’. Its also crazy how you completely somehow manage to miss, that yes, corrective rape is misogyny.  The idea behind it is ‘correcting a woman’. You literally listed “hey all these groups that experience misogyny experience this, so shouldn't we call it something else”. Please think for a second instead of angry yelling.

The reason I have an issue with the word transandrophobia is because it displaces blame and doesn't acknowledge the fact that we are dealing with misogyny. To say it is transmisogyny wouldn't be correct. I think it's important we come up with our own language, its just important we recognize the issue to work on solving it and use to talk about our experiences, not come up with words to use like weaponized therapy language and attack anyone else who so much as breathes the wrong direction as others. The fact i got fucking PARAGRAPHS and hate anons not even 5 minutes after posting something shows how fucking hair trigger this community is and its UNACCEPTABLE. It's one of the reasons i left the transmasc community because if i didn't say my feelings within the acceptable language or word of the week were using, I got bombarded and accused of the worse and dealt with misogyny and transphobia from my fellow brothers.. I’m not saying no one can use this, if you find it helps you go ahead i'm not the language police, but i do believe it erases the source of the issue and has become disgustingly weaponized and abused.

[spiderfreedom]

Overlap between the radical feminist and rationalist world today.

If you don't know what Rationalists are, it's a Silicon Valley-centric subculture/ideology about trying to be more rational, in theory. In practice, it means you've read either everything posted by Eliezer Yudkowsky on LessWrong, or (more commonly today) everything posted by Scott Alexander on SlateStarCodex/AstralCodexTen.

Scott Alexander is well known for his, uh, interesting ideas on feminism and women. He is a proponent of the idea that women are just naturally not inclined towards STEM fields and that this is a better explanation for their underrepresentation. He is especially famous for having written 'Untitled', where he argues that pop feminists who talk about nerd entitlement are cruel character assassins and that hating fedoras is a dogwhistle for hating Jewish men.

You may think a subculture like this would be primed for sceptical, non-mainstream thinking about transition science, at least, but Rationalism has a very high rate of trans women (MTFs) participating in it, and a very high rate of defending the interpretation that the 'best thing we can do' is to just go along with the idea that trans {gender} are {gender}, in a sort of utilitarian "it causes the least harm" sort of way.

(There are some people in the subculture strongly against this, including sex dysphoric men, but they are a small minority.)

With all this in mind, I think of this part as exemplary:

Scott: This is going to sound insensitive, but as far as “bad US medical policies” go, 2,500 children having their lives low-key ruined is nothing. I can think of a dozen US medical policies that are much worse than that!

It is certainly the case that the actual, objective number of kids going on puberty blockers or youth transition is pretty small. Even as doctors try to make these treatments accessible, there simply aren't enough treatment centers to meet what they see as rising demand.

Now if you want to say "I'd rather focus my energies on an issue that objectively affects more people," I get that. But I don't trust Scott on this issue, for the reason that he is a noted anti-feminist (as in, he thinks feminists and feminist activism is untrustworthy) and a noted apologist for current levels of female representation in fields (it's 'inherent interest' after all).

For me, I see the misuse of youth transition as a way to turn gender non-conforming kids and gay kids into gender conforming straight kids who are more attractive. (The end goal of making youth transitioners into more sexually attractive partners is stated everywhere.) I also see that the ideology behind youth transition is used to pathologize gender non-conforming and gay kids into thinking that there is something horribly wrong with them and that they are "really" the opposite gender. Even if only a small number of kids actually get to take the puberty blockers, the ideology supporting the puberty blockers - that gender non-conforming behavior and dissatisfaction with one's birth body are incontrovertible signs of permanent cross-gender identity - is harmful and pathologizing to gnc/gay kids. This ideology has effects beyond the number of kids with access to clinics and "supportive" parents, and I'm seeing it in how every slightly gender non-conforming teenage girl I meet is calling herself non-binary or transmasc. The erasure of gnc women is a tragedy and a false salvation to the pains of misogyny.

I don't expect any of this to matter to Scott, though, because he has shown multiple times on his blog that he is really not that interested in women or outcomes for women. He thinks if someone is distressed and wants to transition and shows signs that transition would help, then they should be medicalized. I doubt he cares about what this means for gender non-conforming women or gay women. It is possible he thinks gender non-conforming women are on some spectrum of transness anyway, and that we'd have been happier transitioned than not.

I'm mostly just surprised at the lack of curiosity. One of the things I like about Rationalists is the sense of curiosity. It's a group that really attracts strange people who like to think very deeply. Scott is a psychiatrist. He suspects something weird is going on with youth transition, yet he's utterly uncurious about what it is, or why. Is he afraid of seeming 'obsessed' with gender? Does he think that gnc girls being medicalized and pathologized at a young age is no big loss, because they can just rebuild identities as 'trans men', so it's not worth spending time on?

Having read the accounts of detransitioners, I know that they are constantly minimized and silenced on account of being a 'small number.' I also know that detransitioners, whether youth or adult, have valuable things to add to the conversation. Even if it's a small population that we're helping, I want to help them, because I know most people's response will probably be like Scott's - "oh, there's so few of them, that's not a big deal." It is a big deal to the people affected, and it's a big deal to everyone who is told in some way that something is wrong with them because they are gnc/gay/autistic females.

[not-poignant]

This is the anon the said 'safe'. Your tags hit me hard, since I'm actually starting a transition but am avoiding hrt. I've been getting pushback on it, and been told I'm not really trans without it. I know what I want to change to feel like myself. Also what I don't want to change. That's probably why 'safe' was my choice. It sucks when you think you should belong, but still feel like you aren't good enough. It helped to hear you have felt the same. I just want to give you a big virtual hug.

Ahhh I have a similar story, anon <333 I'm so sorry you went through it too.

Under a read more because it contains transphobia towards a nonbinary person from a binary trans person. My experiences are from a nonbinary lens, anon, so take the bits that are useful to you and ignore the rest, depending on where you sit on the trans spectrum <333

When I started realising I was transmasc (I'd known I was non-binary for a while) I remember that I talked to a trans man about it, he'd been going through the process for a couple of years at that point and we'd talked about that too at different points.

And I remember mentioning that I'd thought about hormones, but I was still on the fence because I'm nonbinary, not like 'binary trans' (i.e. I'm not going from point A to point B, where you move from AFAB to man or AMAB to woman), and I was talking about wanting they/them pronouns and maybe he/him pronouns at that point.

And he said: 'Oh cool, yeah, hopefully that helps until you decide for sure with testosterone and surgery.' I had this moment of like ??? and he was like 'when you realise and can be brave enough to commit to being a guy, I hope that goes really well for you.'

It was one of the most transphobic things I'd ever heard, not because it was said from a hateful place (it really wasn't, I'm still friends with this guy), but because it came from a friend, I was being very vulnerable during the conversation and it left me feeling like I didn't have a right to consider myself trans at all for about two years after that. It pushed me into this space where I'd been defined by a fellow trans person as a 'coward until I decided to be officially a man.' And then for two years I kept looking for that inside of myself, denying my non-binary-ness in favour of looking for a very clear and decisive 'I'm a man!' moment. It was a horrible period of time, gender-wise. Because being identified exclusively only as a man or a woman is dysphoric to me, so trying to do it to myself was like cutting at myself with an axe.

It's also very much like when gay and lesbian folk would say to me - back when I identified as bisexual - 'get back to me when you pick a side / become a real queer.' There's a real phobic bent among folks who are 'one or the other' (sighs) towards people who are in the liminal with this stuff and that's where they belong. And it hadn't occurred to me that I'd hear a version of that from a fellow trans person. You'd think I'd have learned, right?

He and I are still friends, but I stopped talking to him about all of my experiences as a trans and nonbinary person. It was clear to me, in that moment, he saw me as a much lesser version of an identity he'd embraced and was living. You know, how so many people think of nonbinary transmascs. (It's also frustrating, because trans men also don't need to have hormones or surgery to be trans men, and it makes me furious when people take this attitude with binary trans folk too, but I'm mostly focusing on my own experience here, of the myriad ways we encounter transphobia in the trans community).

I never heard anything quite like that again, but I've had one other trans guy be like 'when you're ready for testosterone, I'll support you' like he was waiting in the wings for me to 'fully make a decision to be 100% a man' which isn't a decision I can make, because I'm not 100% a man, lmao, I'm like 80% of one, and 20% something else, and 0% woman, lmao, which is why I call myself nonbinary transmasc.

I was lucky that through research and listening to voices in nonbinary transmasc spaces and more open-minded trans spaces that I realised that I'd encountered transphobia, and that this specific kind of transphobia is particularly common in the trans community, especially in cases where a trans man or woman has a period of being nonbinary as an experiment to see what transitioning feels like before they fully commit to the surgery and/or hormones and name etc. that they often wanted all along. So they often project this onto other people, because for them being nonbinary was a midway point, or the middle of an evolution. But being nonbinary isn't an experiment for most nonbinary people, it's literally our identity and it always will be. (And any binary trans person reading this, don't ever use this rhetoric with your nonbinary friends, or your fellow binary trans friends who have elected not to use hormones or surgery - it's transphobic.)

These days, I'm proudly trans and proudly part of the trans community, but I'm also aware that there are a lot of binary trans people who will treat me and other trans folk as 'other' because I haven't suffered through the same surgeries or adjustments that they have. That's...their transphobia, and it's not me expressing my identity wrongly, or being 'lesser', it's just straight up transphobia. It belongs to them, not to me. I don't believe we have a unique word for nonbinary transphobia, it all comes under the same umbrella, but that's definitely what it is.

When you start to feel like you don't belong, anon, remind yourself that this is internalised transphobia, not to punish yourself, but to remind yourself that it's not true. Those feelings belong to the people who gave them to you, but they're not innately or inherently true, they actually have nothing to do with how valid you are at every stage of your transition.

You're fully a trans man if you don't take hormones, and you're fully nonbinary if you do. Whatever you need (or don't need) to affirm or express your gender for you, is what you need, and that deserves to be respected and fully validated no matter what, at any time. Whether it's binding or not binding, hormones or not hormones, hormones and then 'not for the next few years' and then hormones again, surgery or not surgery, etc. Whether you're a trans man, woman, nonbinary, agender etc.

People have this idea of what it is to be a 'proper' trans, bi, gay, lesbian person (like the 'gold star lesbian' which is horrendously disgusting as a term and concept), but all you need - literally all you need - re: these things, is to just... know you're these things. That's it. That's how a gay person can know they're gay without having sex. That's how a bi person can know they're bi without sleeping with someone of the same sex. And it's how a trans person knows they're trans without looking perfectly androgynous or perfectly binary trans (depending on what they desire) on the outside. (Don't get me started on fatphobia in androgynous and nonbinary spaces, and the equation of true 'nonbinary androgyny' with thinness, because that's a whole other rant for another day, lol).

I'm sorry you've experienced that pressure to be 'more' of something from society / particular people. I can specifically relate on the hormones front because I actually went quite far into looking into taking T, to the point where my doctor was ready to sign off with an endocrinologist, before I realised that it wasn't the right decision for me. It might be one day, but right now I know I'm transmasc without it, and I'm concerned about some of the side effects with my neuroendocrine tumours. There are other ways I affirm my gender that work great for me. But I did have a moment of knowing that would impact how other people see me, and it's one thing when it comes from all the cis people, but it's another thing when it comes from the trans community as well. :( Thankfully most people are really validating now, use the right pronouns, and I just don't confide nonbinary vulnerabilities with folks who saw being nonbinary as a midpoint of their own evolution/journey, just to be safe, lmao.

Wishing you fortune and strength and much validation, anon <3 You are amazing as you are, whatever you decide to do or not do in the future. :) *hugs*

[trans-wojak]

Hello! I find your posts interesting and I'm a transmed myself, so I wanted to bring up something I've noticed about tucutes and the non-binary labels.

As we all know, cisgender transphobes claim being trans is a choice. But what happened to more people being offended by this statement?

Due to new mainstream media with tucutes and non-binary labels populating and taking over actual trans spaces, more people now think gender is a choice, because of tucutes. If people can acknowledge that transphobes think gender is a choice, then why can't people see past the non-binary façade and the tucute ideology spitting the same theme? Tucutes have the same beliefs as the oppressors, and their appearance in mainstream media lures cis people into thinking they're trans and stretching the 'being trans is a choice' theme, while also bringing more hate to the community because of their appearance.

Tucutes are our oppressors in disguise as the oppressed. Their whole non-binary scheme is to keep them in the community to try fitting in while breaking off actual transsexuals. They're on a mission to make LGBT labels infinite and meaningless, taking over certain spaces- trans, lesbian, etc. All the while indoctrinating people that don't have a mind of their own and guilt tripping people into believing them. They're confused, and they're confusing others. The future is headed in the wrong direction with their plotting.

I as a Gen Z notice how the ideology of tucutes is to rebel and express their spite for social norms while feeling unique. They 'reclaim' slurs that aren't meant for them to feel like they're winning against their enemies. And they take over on TikTok and act like they were victims of their past transmed ideology. Saying transmed ideology made them dysphoric. If they need certain ideology to be dysphoric and another ideology makes them not feel dysphoric, then visibly they're contradictory, and therefore trenders.

Yes this exactly true, nonbinary and transphobes share the same belief system; that trans healthcare is just cosmetic body modification and not a medical need, they just believe in diff results: one believes it should be banned indefinitely, the other thinks it should be freely handed out to anyone who wants it.

They think gender dysphoria is socially created, just like transphobes. That you can just use mental gymnastics to ignore the male gender is associated with having male sexual characteristics in biology, it’s not a made up social concept and no amount of “you are valid as a man even if you are entirely female!” will magically change the fact the human brain sees sexual characteristics as either male or female even without socialisation.

Fence sitters now accuse transsexuals of being wrong for wanting to alter our sex and NOT just using stupid terms like “I identify as”. Like, non binary isn’t even gender non conforming majority of the time.

It’s confused many transsexual men and women into thinking if they don’t fit gender roles, they aren’t real men or women. It’s confused butch lesbians into thinking because they aren’t subscribing to gender roles and like the same sex, they mustn’t be real women. Like talk about non binary being the new third sexist gender role lmao.

[chaifootsteps]

The femboy trans man back at it again,

The whole arcee/ship nonsense situation kinda weirdly reminded me of another situation I personally got into.

So like ok.

Cuphead, the creators said that cup head and mug man were kidults when asked. So I, being a teen at the time, liked Cuphead and King dice (not being romantic or in an open relationship, I liked the idea of them having a one night stand or secret relationship)

But then someone on Twitter was like “if you ship this, you’re a pedophile.”

It was years after I stopped checking in on cuphead (when the Netflix show started showing up) so I asked like, an obvious question.

“Wait I thought the creators said they were canonically adults???” (They’re kids in the Netflix show, I meant more for the game version)

I got LAMBASTED as a pro shipper, a pedophile, as the worst ever who just wanted to ship a child with an adult (I had stopped shipping dicecup around the time the Netflix show came around, and they didn’t even know I shipped it at one point. They just made the assumption because I questioned a thing.) it took one.

One person

To sit me down like “yes they used to be but in this media and the current show they’re kids, so there was a possible change.”

It made me scared to ever voice my opinions on Twitter ever again.

So to bring it around to the Arcee situation to end this ramble, I can see em as non-binary or bi-gender if the writers desperately wanted to keep the fem part but like they can’t go “we wanted to write a trans woman!” And then make said trans woman dysphoric as all shit, that’s practically forceful gender bending.

You and my friend would get along really well, Anon. Same ship, same deal, and now they feel like they can't talk about it because people will assume they're a pedophile. But no, they just came into this whole thing when Cuphead and Mugman were dubiously defined little cartoon characters old enough to shoot craps. To quote my friend, "I was hoping they were just freaks from society!"

What makes me want to tear my hair out is that M. Scott did such a beautiful, effortless job handling Arcee's backstory in that one panel..."I don't believe bots should be changed against their will." Boom, done. The problem isn't that Arcee was made female, the problem isn't trans people transitioning, the problem is that it was an act of violence. Another thing that's often overlooked? Combiner Hunters is the only piece of IDW media, albeit briefly, to refer to Arcee as "them."

I had this for a wonderful minute, and lost it. And now I can't even talk about a character that meant everything to me without getting embroiled in something like this.

[sophieinwonderland]

genuine question, are you white? if not, ok. if so, what makes you think you have the right to discuss what does and does not hurt poc in terms of rcta/trace things? obviously white voices are important, but poc voices matter most in this discussion. and i know poc arent a monolith and everyone has different opinions, but every poc ive talked to who knows about the community is deeply hurt by it. i’m a poc myself, and the community just isnt healthy. trace/rcta is based almost completely on fetishization and aestheticization(idk if that’s a word but i hope you get my meaning) of race and culture and is incredibly gross. i don’t want to say completely based on those due to the possibility of other reasonings, but that’s what it seems to mostly consist of. i dont expect to change your opinion with this one anon, i just hope you think about what you’re saying and promoting to your audience. thanks if you even read or respond to this, and this isn’t meant to be hateful i just want you to take a moment and think about this /gen

if so, what makes you think you have the right to discuss what does and does not hurt poc in terms of rcta/trace things?

Would you be saying this about a white-bodied individuals who is saying that it's harmful for POC-bodied people to transition to other races?

Because I always see this used to shutdown dissenting opinions from the anti-trace side but never against white anti-trace people. Just makes the whole thing feel less like "you can't talk about this if you're white" and more like "you can't disagree with me if you're white."

I think the vast majority of the trace community would disagree that their identities are based on fetishization and aestheticization.

And I also feel there's a sort of... familiarity... to these sorts of generalizations. Are these not the same types of generalizations launched against the trans community from TERFs? "Fetishization" seemed to be a popular argument from them. And for aestheticization... that's pretty much the whole justification for transmeds labeling people who support non-dysphoric transgenders as "ToCutes." I've even seen anti-endos use similar language when attacking endogenic systems.

It seems like communities keep falling into these same exact traps.

But you're right.

We are white, and on top of that, we aren't trace or diarace. This isn't an issue that personally affects us.

So don't listen to our opinion on this.

Reach out. Listen to the trace/diarace community. Listen to the people there and ask them why they identify how they do. Ask how they experience their race and be willing to understand.

I don't know if it would change your mind about them completely, but it might at least make you reconsider the generalizations you've made about them which I assume are based mostly on what you've heard from second hand sources.

[hiiragi7]

as a trans person in a system who understands how the sysmed/transmed connection works (especially with the fact both are seen as a mental illness that needs to be eradicated and that is harmful to Vulnerable UWU Teenagers on the internet and people experiencing them are dangerous and people who use rare labels are faking and making "real systems/trans people look bad" and so on), i want to understand why you believe the trans comparison is bad. can you explain your perspective?

About the comparison between being trans and being a system generally, I feel it is repetitive and really just gets us nowhere. I also do not find the same systemic, legal, and social implications in syscourse as I do with trans identity. I also don't find the same risk of widespread and systemic violent physical/sexual abuse and death in syscourse regarding non-medical systems as I do with trans identity.

That does not mean that one is necessarily worse than the other or that one doesn't matter, but instead that they are different enough that to compare them feels like it disrespects nuance and the bigger picture of all of this.

Regarding the word sysmed - I think it's moreso just... Well, unhelpful?

I have less issues with the specific terminology or the roots of the word than others, I feel - I find it to be maybe poor taste at most, but I do not think it is transphobic.

My issue is moreso that I feel it no longer really has a consistent definition (I have seen it applied to anti-endo systems who are not necessarily sysmedical, and I have seen singlet syscringers called sysmeds even though they were 100% anti-plural/anti-system, including anti-CDD systems) and I feel that discussions where the word sysmed is used very quickly get muddied because I feel that in a discourse setting the word is very emotionally charged even if that isn't always the intention.

Many well-known syscourse figures most commonly labelled sysmeds do not even fall under the traditional definition of sysmed - They believe non-medical systems and endos exist, but have different ideas about how this should be approached community-wise.

In my experience being in these spaces, it feels like sysmed has, functionally, just become another synonym for anti-endo or even anti-system and isn't used with specifically the stance of "all systems must be medical" in mind.

For me, it's a lot easier just to use anti-endo if that is what I mean instead of using a word with so much controversy - Using that word means nobody will listen to what you are saying because it is such an emotionally charged word, and in my opinion that emotional charge does come from a reasonable place, which I will talk about in the next few paragraphs.

I honestly just don't find it helpful to draw comparisons between online discourse and those which have extremely severe external impacts regarding discrimination - Such as being trans.

I don't really know of any legal consequences for being specifically a non-medical system - Not for being perceived as mentally ill or laws regarding general religious practices and restrictions, but very specifically being a non-medical system.

Yet I do see this in the vast difference in treatment and resources for medical binary transgender people vs. non-dysphoric trans people as well as trans people that are not 100% binary.

In many places, only dysphoric transgender people get help or official acknowledgement. You have to jump through many hoops to access treatment and that often involves documentation of "long-term, severe gender identity disorder/gender dysphoria".

Nonbinary people often have to "pick a side" in order to access hormone treatment, they still cannot pick "X" in many places as a gender marker legally, nonbinary people who do not medically transition go unacknowledged, so on.

There is also systemic erasure of these groups which transmeds feed into.

This is not, at all, to say that the issues of non-medical systems or endogenic systems are not important or that their issues are "lesser-than" or to play any kind of pain olympics (I do not believe there is any kind of "discrimination threshold" that necessarily needs to be met for it to matter) - Just that it feels like a different area of conversation which invites many messy implications.

Specifically, it is comparing a group of individuals who themselves have extremely high rates of identifying as transgender to their oppressors, and many of these systems themselves have been heavily and violently discriminated against for being transgender. So, yes, comparing them to a transphobic group such as transmeds is likely to shut down any conversation and potentially bring up very hurt feelings and memories of trauma.

And I am just... Not interested in doing that. I want to have discussions, not give someone an identity crisis or flashback.

I feel that when used publicly, the word sysmed is just used to villainize and seperate certain groups and concepts rather than as a genuine, good-faith communication tool - I cannot express the amount of times I have seen things such as fusion, the ToSD, parts language, dormancy, all language more traditionally associated with being a more medical-leaning system, called a "sysmed concept".

I find that unhelpful not only in general, but also as a pro-endo traumagenic DID system. I feel often I cannot describe how my system functions as a disordered system without adding many disclaimers about me speaking only on our personal experience because suspicion about us will be raised solely on the basis of being a medical system using medical language.

I have often found myself asked to censor discussion of my system's very natural functions or language for the comfort of others because it reminded them of sysmeds, and I have come across many people associating traumagenic inherently with sysmedical.

"Traumagenics are cool until they start being sysmeds."

"I wish traumagenics would just leave us endos alone."

"Most traumagenics are sysmeds."

So on.

When the phrase "sysmed" is associated with hatred, especially the level of hatred and violence transmeds perform, and when many people within the system community begin to call "sysmeds" a hate group, when the concept of being a system and medical becomes tied to connotations of such strong ideas about discourse and identity, well... It really is only the expected fallout of that to be that anyone who is a system and medical would be caught in the crossfire.

Long post, but that's my reasoning for not using it personally. I don't have strong enough feelings on its usage to actively strongly discourage others from using it completely, but to me, language is primarily a communication tool and if it is not helping me to communicate or get ideas across effectively then I don't really see a point in me using the word.